#ITS NICE I LIKE IT.. IM SO GLAD YOURE FEELING FED ANON

[puppyeared]

Thank you for the Spirit tracks content. I will cherish this for the rest of my life

YW!!!!

[ssseriema]

hiii seri ^_^ your art is so cool you will always be my favorite eclipse fed artist

and although I don’t understand bugs I think your taste in bugs is immaculate!

hope you are having nice days and happy feelings forever and always <3 your art has brought me so much joy

I’m glad you like plum flowers so I’m leaving a branch here at your window!

HII,,, THIS MADE ME SO HAPPY TO SEE ANON YOUVE MADE MY DAY ;W;W; if its brought you joy then thats also brought me joy . thankyouo for plum flowers IM WAAAHH YOU ARE SERIOUSLY TOO SWEET!!!!!!!

[hysterotic]

hello !! i dont wanna sound annoying but seeing the other anons show sm support on ur posts, i couldnt help but also agree & point out some things i really liked ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡⸜ i really hope im not being too annoying since you already have like 2 other anons writting u huge things (╥﹏╥)

i love that every character is included & we get to see each & every one of their personalities & interactions 😭 im excited to see the development of their characters (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶) its so nice & refreshing to see smo include all the characters, i feel like im actually getting to know them more !! plus, a lot of my favs are usually pushes to the side as supporting characters & we dont get to see their characters much but i was so excited reading ur fic seeing that we get scenes w sm of the characters hehe (AHEM mitsuya) & also the relationship between draken & emma- soo cute ! im so glad theres a side couple & we get to see them too. i feel like everybody got a fair amt of screentime & i just cant express it enough, its truly genius the way youre writting this story out like a movie. i feel like im there with them!! anywayyyy thanks for your hard work & im really, really lovin the series ദ്ദി ˉ͈̀꒳ˉ͈́ )✧

stop it thank u so much :( ur not being annoying at all this is all so encouraging n sweet n i appreciate every single one. & the fact that the first chapter doesn’t even include all the characters yet n u guys are still satisfied is so !!!!!!!!!! AND IM SO GLAD U LIKED DRAKEN AND EMMA IN THERE i was kinda nervous to write them cs ik draken stans also need to be fed too and i heard that the majority of the fandom don’t like emma (?) but i adore them together too much & i’m happy you do too. ima try my best to keep everybody fed and not make the extra characters feel like they’re forced into the fic and hopefully meet ur expectations<3 these cute messages mean a lot to me don’t stop sending them pls

[yamagucji]

a series of thank you’s i’ve been meaning to give for a while now. please note i couldn’t get everyone bc im smol brained and im forgetful :(( also its vedy long so i added a readmore link but if it’s okay then i can remove it!

i would’ve preferred to go to your inboxes/dm’s but im scared t🤢umblrs going to glitch on me if i do it again a ha ha

@doublemoons

i remember you sent in my first ever request and i was SO happy like🥺 my account had no visibility on week 1 but then you somehow found my blog and since then you’ve been supporting me. i love the aesthetic of your blog and i always look forward to your rb’s because they so cute and insightful !! ik we haven’t talked much but i definitely perceive u as a gentle person here’s 1k hearts for you and you only <3

@insanityqueen

please i was *intense squealing* and *happy noises* when you said you wanted to be mutuals :’) im definitely uhhh way too immature for u but you still stick with all the caps and !!! i send you😭 you’re such an interesting, talented person. day 1 you got me HOOKED with your art and im gonna say this again,, i have never seen skin look soo s o f t painted. im really grateful for your company and all your cats and the hinata art you made me🥺 i am not still thirsting over it i swear and then you sent me pieces of your writing and i def expected hc’s but then BOOM🧍‍♀️ im so amazed by your writing. also you are vv pretty i hope you know that

@zephyrria

matching heart memes matching heart memes😾 i don’t talk to you as much but our main form of communication is literally exchanging heart memes w/o a word,,, if that isn’t true love idk what is :// anyway i love our little convos so much it always brightens my day! and omg lets not forget when you made me a drabble back😳 like wha- HUH !! i was so touched i rlly went boom boom woosh bc no ones ever written me one back and i!! that yamaguchi gives me so much comfort. you give me sm comfort, thank you bub <3

@beanst0ck

hehe my first tumblr crush😼 as soon as i deactivated my reading account to my a writing blog i was like “ok bean is on my top to-follow list” like i thought you were so cool and i was vv shy to interact with you🥺 and YOU STILL ARE COOL!! your works are really amazing and i am vv much still in love w my matchup w suga :’)

@killuababie

HHHH GRR BORK BORK I LUB U B NEVER GONNA STOP LOVING YOU BHH💓✨ bro,,,, when we switched over to insta it was WILD like— our sense of humor? matched. immaculate. please i love seeing all the memes u send me it makes my day so much like u don’t understand😭 and our convos really go chaos sometimes gkfjdj i love it. u need to pull up and play among us w me sometime 😡

@bewwybun

m-my first spouse🥺 even tho it was a joke the first time and i said sike fkdjdjdj but you still accepted my dino chimken nuggie ring hehe <3 bub your are literally the CUTEST HHHHH LIKE,,, cuteness overload !!! i love talking to you sm and our little exchange of heart memes make the butterflies in my tummy go ✨

@mei-writes

may🥺 imy bub i hope you’re doing well and taking good care of yourself. still very grateful for that time you pulled through to check which of my links weren’t working. and there’s a LOT. like the fact that you took time out of your day for me still baffles me. anyway im lomve you ik we don’t talk as much but you’re still a valued moot to me. im offering u free headpats hehe

@kozsma

hi maria👉👈 you’re so wonderful and rlly amazing w your smaus. absolutely smitten over our chaotic conversations fkfjd we haven’t talked in a while but if you see this just know that i’m here for you <3 take some self care okay? hope you’re doing good bub

@tsukkeisimp

dalia, you wondering being💞 please what did i do to deserve your love >;( we don’t talk much but we have exchanged heart memes before and you’re always out here supporting me whenever you can and like!! tysm bub. i hope you’re feeling better from the last time we interacted, and please do take good care of yourself!

@satorispup

can’t believe you made a reputation of having a piss kink. what power. what energy >>> anyway it’s fun seeing your chaotic energy on my feed/tl. sometimes i won’t even look at the user and say yeah💔 that’s hero alright gkfjdj also you’re so cute what the heck😡😡

@tobiokvgs

[ insert 100 hearts ] this for u bub. im still going crazy over your tsukki lipbalm piece like i was so FLUSTERED you really did that huh😭 you’re so nice and sweet, ty for giving me headbonks as well im really glad to get them😌 hope you have an amazing day bub, and take care!!

@bunnyuuji

cutecutecutest bean ever🥺 you have such wonderful works and im truly in love with your writing😌 also you’re so SWEET WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE U GKFJDJ literally you weren’t obligated to stop by my ask and check in but u did >:(

@yanderepunkin

hehe ik we haven’t interacted in such a long time but im including you!! bc i appreciate you!! i know you’ve supported me a lot especially when i just started this blog and im really thankful for it. also uhhh im still not over accidentally turning off anon when i was- yeah😿 i wish you all the love in the world, and please do take gentle care of yourself 💓

@ahkaahshi

frannn👁👁🤲 yes im gonna start with how big brained you are. your passion for textiles and improving the environment is vv cool to me. and then there’s the fact you write these hq characters so well. yes i am absolutely still living for your character analysis. i am thriving off of them!! here’s me manifesting kita and/or sakusa to show up in your dreams hehe

@sachirou-senpai

i hope you dont mind me sending u stuff every now and then! anyway im in awe of your writing and art skills. you brought a realistic yamaguchi and i ascended😳 i genuinely think you’re such a cool person but also please take breaks!! ik it’s such an overused phrase but i genuinely mean it. i care u <3

@kenmakodzu

you’re so sweet and you do really be sending me back some heart memes😳 i go BOOM BOOM yaya that’s more to my collection;) also you and your hq anon interactions go WILD omg it really does make my day more interesting whenever i see them😂 also i do be seeing some of ur chaotic energy on my dash and i am HERE for it

@tsukkisbean

hemlo clara🥺 d-do you remember me gkdjshsjs i think its been a while since we interacted. you’re so sweet and AHH lmao did u know we were in a poly with wiss😔💔 yeah❤️ n e way i hope you’ve been alright these past few weeks, and if not, please get some break!

@atsunflower

miya twin supremacy😡 can’t believe you made me swerve over to osamu’s lane because of your amazing writing. how could you. the mf audacity. i rlly do fell in love with that piece do so THAMK U and that also goes for the support you’ve given me💗

@lespaghetti

ozzy👁👁🤝 ngl our conversations have been top tier im glad i got to uhmm,,, get some of these *thoughts* out of my head. you’re such a sweet little bean!!! that art/sketch you did with the purple (?) themed uniforms was really cute. im glad to have u as my moot and *cough* my vip reader *cough*

@sleepykarabou

our heart meme streak was strong until school happened😔 but i really enjoy them tho!! it’s very calming talking to you (fun, but also vv calming idk that’s how i feel) loving the brainrots we give each other of our favs from time to time :’) also omg OSRRY im barely active in the server please spare me😿 im lomve u

@nerdybreadcollaborative

gee!! AHHHH KGFJJD GRRR u sweet bean oh my goodness. where do i start- ??? i’ve already gushed so much abt your writing but here we go again; i love your writing so much and your attention to the little details is so great. they flow so well and i hope u get more visibility bc it’s what u deserve!! also please take care of yourself and don’t work too much u nerdy bean

@nishinoya-is-baby

ely my plant kinnie, my spouse (?) and also the blog that i dump my h word thots on😭❤️ ahhh im lomve you, you’re amazing. from your writing, to your makeup skills, and your room, the talent really ✨jumped out✨thank you for supporting me so much, i genuinely appreciate it. i hope we can stay moots despite me being busy gkfjdj anyway take care bbie don’t work too much okay?

@art0saurus

TATE😤 the amount of hq brainrot you’ve fed me is astronomical. idk how you keep coming up with such good ideas but im all for them!! i love your writing so much and the plots are so *chefs kiss* (yes im still gushing over mermaid!bokuto). thank you so much for sending some bits of positivity into my life, im really grateful for it :’)

@dorkyhaikyu

EL!😼 you sweet bean. wish i could bombard ur asks but school is saying no </3 you’re such a sweet mutual and your writing is absolutely amazing. still kinda hurt over that angst u made💔 but anyway i loved it sm. also please wear safer shoes next time on big events so u dont get any more BLISTERS kgjdjdh jkjk

@chickenwingspiker

nashnashnash🥺👉👈 wth you’re so cute and even cuter with the little emoticons u put in my asks. i really appreciate you taking time out of your day to check in on me. i think your works are really heckin cool, im still very into that sock agenda one and the akaashi fic AHH i love them sm. i hope that u have better experiences with online learning and i really wish you all the best on ur art journey <3

@miyastrology

did u forget abt our walk to the strawberry field😿 jkjk heyyy atlas!! im lomve your theme and your writing. i have the urge to say you’re as sweet as strawberry bc im unoriginal like that💔 let’s just pretend i put something kute :’( n e way u are vv cute, make sure to take care of yourself ok!!

@derpeedoo

your rb’s and comments on ppl works... i just... my heart is full. im complete. i go absolute doki doki for you. you’re such a genuine person and you give people so much love❤️ here’s an unlimited supply of my love to you bc you deserve it. ty for all the cute questions btw🥺

🕊 anon - still wondering if ur one of my already-moots or not😳 but anyway dove anon i have a lot to say,,, like how ?? do u go “ok let’s check in on aaron today hehe” like am i interesting??😭 i feel kinda bad ngl you really don’t have to talk to me. but nevertheless im really appreciate of all the support you’ve given me. i genuinely think you’re a cool person and you do all these fun stuff like photography which is amazing. here’s the biggest THANK YOU i could ever give <3 ps. your art is CUTE and AMAZING @bee-kins

@simping-for-tendou

do i??? spam your feed??😭 you’re always liking my posts and i feel so sorry for spamming but also vv appreciate of all the interaction i’ve had with you!! im very glad i got to ask you qotd and stuff because i got to know that you like plants as well!! thank you for sharing plant facts with me, it really made my day. i genuinely think you’re such an awesome and big brained person for knowing all those facts🥺👉👈

@wissaaltje

ngl i was very intimated by you bc of all your angst and really good works which is probably why i never reached out to you sooner😿 ur my uhhh third spouse <3 but anyway your CHAOTIC ENERGY is thru the roof i love that sm and your writing is so mf beautiful i wish more people got to see it😡 i will gib you flower soup and muddy pie to make you feel better ;) jkjk but you’re very amazing and i hope you know that!

@smolbludandelions

hehe you’re in here😼 thank you ???? for supporting me even tho you’re not obligated??? like wh- i- bub🥺🤲 you have all my heart and i rlly rlyy want to stop by your inbox and give you heart memes but me why >;( i hope you have the most amazing day(s) of your life because you deserve it SO much.

@tadashi-simp

FINALLY someone i can simp over yamaguchi with😭 ik we haven’t talked much but AH i love the conversations we’ve had so far and all that insight you gave me about the new wanda film (truly a blessing bc i was so genuinely confused gkfjdj).

@oikaw-ugh

just. JOLLIBEE. can’t believe one of our first interactions was u sending me chain mail smfh i cannot believe you😭 anyway po i appreciate you so much na kaka tawa ako sa mga msgs mo and all the good vibes u radiate. mag bisaya unta ko nimi pero baka mag nosebleed ako😿 im losing my native languages it’s not even funny anymore but when i got to talk to u in my mother tongue, i felt a bit more at home. thank you bub <3

@makemealive

hihi👉👈 idrk what we first talked about, i think it was spending vacation in the galapagos islands??😭 riding turtles??? what a great way to start our friendship :’) i rlly think you’re cool and i just,,,, admire u from afar- yeah. sorry this message is too chaotic but anyway u might not have a green thumb but look at you growing potatoes accidentally😌 anyway i think you’re cool i just haven’t said it before because im s Hy

@lostsealscreams

seal, bub, i genuinely care about you. you’re such a sweet person. i know we haven’t interacted much but im looking forward to more conversations with you!! please find little fun things to do... maybe do some self appropriation if you can, bc you deserve it. maybe even treat yourself... or any self care tasks that make you feel better. i care about you a lot, im just an ask/dm away if you wanna talk about anything at all💕💞✨

@hqgardenia - jkjk this is my spam account idk why i put this here but here probably bc im dumb as fuck

[kkukkung]

it makes me happy that wonho gets to go to his mums cafe? it seems like he goes there a lot and i wouldn't really expect him to get that much freedom or free time? so i'm really happy ahhh +other idols going there! i hope the other members go sometimes toooo

jdjfienzhd you’re so pretty!!!! I love your hair! 😭me too!!!!!! tbh i’m still so surprised he gets to do that??? feel like generally monsta x has a lot more freedom than they did in 2015 + the first half of 2016, especially bc i’m p sure they have their phones and idk… just generally they seem to be so much more comfortable navigating the industry and it makes me happy :’>

more replies (dated oldest to newest) under the cut~

youre so beautiful i cry

omg… i…. thank you im sry im replying so so late (so late that… i forgot the context for it….) but rly… thank u… idk how to respond adequately to kind anons but rly i think ur all so so lovely for taking the time just to tell someone something nice like this tyvm i hope ur faring well anon and ur… v beautiful too i Know it… 💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕

Don’t look @ me but minhyuk in the kihyun cooking vlive was S*xy he was a lil dirty and mean and Real Boy™ it was……h*t anyways whns he gonna kick flip me outta this hemisphere

shut up fjfkhsggjk me too he’s like… such a dirty sock sometimes but he’s MY dirty sock u know… my favourite minhyuk is when he peels off his 50000 layers of fake personas and u see a glimmer of chaotic glee flit by in his alien countenance i love him sm sm sm when he’s a bit gross n mean n Filthy…. that’s my boy!!!!!!! that’s my boY!!!

tbh i never really thought Kihyun is perverted so i was a little suprised when it came up, and some people are saying now that they felt it (lol?), u said you also knew it, im sorry this so stupid but im really confused, like i dunno i always knew kihyun had an attitude but a perv ? lmao (not conplaining, just confused and a little lost, love ya) bye

omg lol sorry darling this isn’t stupid at all! i was 50% kidding 50% srs… he’s not… like actually ~perverted~ (none of them rly are??? but mb ck has the most Curiosity and he + mh make the most… dirty jokes… + wonho sometimes but he’s more happy in his softness ANYWAY) idk this is a bit irrelevant but just to explain, language-wise i always associate korean closer w chinese so even if im watching smth in eng sub i translate the subs into… chinese… kind of… to understand it better… and the word 변태 (byuntae) is the equivalent of 变态 (biantai) in chinese and while it means pervert/perverted it’s also just a general term for being strange/abnormal (in fact that’s its correct/real meaning + the former is more slang)… i think minhyuk was playing around with the connotations of it as well as just poking fun at kihyun bc he likes seeing kihyun look indignant! that said my 50% srsness in relation to this is… bc… um… i see kihyun as being… mb… into Some Things skjhfgkj but i won’t elaborate here!

minhyuk called wonho “hoseokie-hyung” once during fighter promotions if you didn’t know already 👀

me: *digging a 165cm long hole in the exact shape of my body* this is fine

Kihyun just wants to take up space .. as much as possible 💦😩

(this was in relation to when i called him out for manspreading…) maximum surface area for more efficient diffusion of his [redacted] [redacted]

Do you check out blogs?? hehe

yes sure jus like…. link me… jkfshg i tend to follow content creators/ppl who write interesting tags and i try not to follow anyone too much younger/older than me, that’s abt all! :>

minhyuk cuddling on jooheon during the no exist prologue was so 👌👌 sapping all of jooheon’s warmth while looking so soft and cute how does minhyuk do it 😩😩

it’s rly his Thing hm hm not to get… sappy but he’s so… full of love and jus wants to be physically close w everyone also when will he stop playing w his bottom lip… official minhyuk emoticon: >:3c

Annie your new mobile theme is so pink and pretty!!!!

tysm!!! sorry this is a late reply so it’s not… entirely relevant anymore jhsgfg but… i think i’m always going to have a pastel colour + bunny theme on this blog it’s my Branding now…. ty ty! 💖

“Reminds me of raw chicken” lmaooooo same 😂😂

(in relation to this post fjdkshg) i lov my uncooked chicken boy

U kno that clip of Michael Scott on the office where he yells “I’m gonna kill myself and it’s your fault” that’s me…. every time monsta x do something….. every time they change their hair colour….. I want death….I’m such a dramatic hoe

me!!!! too!!!! rly a lot more excited for monsta x’s new hair colours than i am… abt Most Things lol… happy w everyone’s hair colours except wonho’s ://// pls go darker

i legit think your tags are the best thing ever 

lov u! my tags are v messy and mostly whatever goes thru my mind in that given moment before i hit the rb tbh but i’m glad u enjoy them! 💖💖

What’s your favorite wonho pic?

currently:

Omg have u seen that mnet ep that had mx on right after their debut and it had hyorin and soyou on too and minhyuk was litrally. Losing his mind like they talked about his ideal type comment I think and soyou called him cute and then later he got put on soyou’s team for some game and he straight up lost his mind he was so excited dlfmgnk can he. Relax for one sec

jkdfshggkjsjdkfh i don’t remember this???? i feel like i probably watched smth like it a long time ago like i rmbr a few very awkward mx/sistar interactions after they just debuted. but this. i have to find this and watch it gjkshkjdfg. minhyuk has… no chill he’s not capable of being a normal human being… but also why is this me i would.. die if soyou looked @ me so umm……………lov my relatable man… my love rival… real talk it’s v cute that he likes her n i think generally lmh has a good people sense/knows what he wants from others

(the anon w the younger brother here!) he .. actually said wonho looked like a wolf???? im so ?????? abt that like where did it come from … also jooheon looks like a friend, changkyun just looks “overwhelmingly fed up” apparently????, and according to him hyungwon just has the （ ͡° _ゝ ͡° ） face ,,v interesting …

(part 1 of this!) omgggg this is still v cute i don’t see the ?? wolfiness of wonho (i am… after all… tumgler user bunnywonho…), but i can see how jooheon is shaped like a friend + ck is… finished… done… a lil bit dead inside-looking but not Really like that, n hyungwon… sjhfg i can… kinda see that too… ty for sharing this btw it’s v wholesome

♥️ sending you good vibes –an admirer

omg PLEASE “an admirer” ur too much… thank u though im sending good vibes back sweetheart 💕💕💕💕 got plenty of Good Feelings lately ily thank u thank u 💕

MINHYUK MAKES YOU THINK HE’S GOOD AND PURE. THEN HE BECOMES THIS EVIL LITTLE THING. LIKE A PUPPY CONSTANTLY BITING YOUR FEET

i feel like minhyuk stans are divided btwn… wanting to Love him intensely n lowkey wanting 2 smack him ??

BYE WHAT TH DOES “Die under kihyun” MEAN

(in relation to the tags on this post jkgfhsjkhf) IDK i think i just meant he isn’t as…. bullied w kihyun as the other members often are?? they operate on the same level… it wasn’t anything dirty if u were thinking it was…👀👀👀 im a pure stan w a bunny themed blog… 

So do you have a link to this sexuality analysis 👀

SORRY for the late reply it’s just here! don’t rly agree w some of it but other parts were insightful!

jdjfienzhd you’re so pretty!!!! I love your hair! 😭

hfddsjfkjsfjk thank u i’m jus…. a bean…. navigating the cosmos at the same time as monsta x…. and u, cutie……….. tysm my ego grows bigger w every nice msg i get… hope smth good happens to u today ily! 💓💓

that video of the guy ripping his pants n his dick flopping out is wonhos nightmare during every performance when he has to wear tight clothes

BE QUIET JKSHGSF I NEVER READ THIS ASK

is wonho turning 25 or 26?? im confused

he was born in 1993 officially (altho there is some speculation abt whether or not he was rly born in 92) but if we’re going by that then technically he’s turned 24, korean age 25 (bc ur 1 when ur born)… but he’s 26 by the lunar calendar… v confusing i know

Wow can’t believe youre a wonhoe anti 😕😕😕😖😖😖😧😧😧🤒🤒🤒🤒🤒

shh sdhjgkf but real talk i love wonho + minhyuk in v different… unquantifiable ways :’00

[wiltking]

1 hi wilt. im starting university soon and everyones so excited but im trans and im dreading it more than anything. im trying to get inclusive housing but theyre not making it easy and i realized im going to have to debate with them on the phone several times in order to even begin to convince them to do this. and they still might not. i have crippling phone anxiety, i get choked up making phone calls to ask store hours so idk how ill do this. and on top of that in order to get inclusive (cont)

housing and to get my name/gender changed in the records i need my parents permission, parents who have been denying my gender for years despite me explicitly telling them im trans over and over. and hrt doesnt look like its gonna happen anytime in the next couple of years. im such a wreck and i really just dont want to deal with this. society makes being trans so fucking hard like it just punishes us even though we didnt do anything wrong. anyway i just wanted to let you know that your blog makes me feel better bc it lets me know that im not the only one fighting the system. sometimes society almost convinces me that im being stupid and ridiculously demanding and i should just give in and kill myself bc im not obviously not wanted. but then i remember that people like you are out there. its comforting to know that not everyone hates me just because of who i am. and your art is so incredible and i love the representation and trans positivity. it has inspired me to make my own trans ocs and i found that it really helped make things more bearable to have characters like me to write and draw and dream about. keep up the good work and i hope one day things work out for the both of us. i apologize for being long winded and venting, i just wanted to get my feelings out and let you know how grateful i am for the work you put into this community

hi anon, sorry for taking a little while to reply. this just hit me in a number of ways and i didnt know what to say. ive definitely heard horror stories about universities disrespecting trans students. it really does suck. i hope you wont be the first trans person thats requested housing and they have some experience with it... but if they continue to refuse, maybe you can make a fuss about it. file some kind of complaint. because you deserve better. sometimes it works, sometimes not. maybe you’ll be able to pave the way to make things better for trans students who come after you. 

i dont have much experience with that kind of thing though. i was out when i went to college but.. quietly. instead of requesting a name change on the records i would email my professors and request to use my correct name in their classes. it wasnt ideal but it was all i was brave enough to do at the time. because ive had so many horrible experiences with telling people im trans, i automatically assume bad things will happen. but i think ive already experienced the worst possible things from my home life, so now im somewhat jaded. and have the ability to be way more assertive. because whats the worst that can happen? something ive already lived through and survived? bring it on. it awful but i know i can deal with it. 

and yknow, sometimes people are decent. yesterday i got my name changed on my drivers license and the nice lady at the dmv told me what i had to do to change my gender marker (even though i told her i wasnt doing that yet). so i think not all hope is lost for us folks. its true i feel hopeless 98% of the time but i think its always worth it to try our best. sometimes that means taking matters into your own hands and demanding certain treatment, and other times it means gritting your teeth and putting up with a bad situation for a few years. i wish i had more positive things to say here but it sounds like you know how ive been through the wringer. im wishing you all the best with your university situation though. let me know how it goes? i also have atrocious phone anxiety and have to call my insurance tomorrow about covering my transition this year so we’ll both be suffering :’)

ive heard trans people on hrt say that the time spent pre-hrt will seem like nothing once you get the goods, and i find that hard to believe. ive known hrt was right for me since i was 14/15 and i still wont be on it by the time im 20. the only upside to having to wait so long is that my need for it is absolutely solidified. my mom has fed doubt into my head for these entire 5 years but the jokes on her i still want it! and im getting it this year no matter what! the #1 thing that really got me through to this point was focusing on my own completed goals, no matter how small. things like buying my first pair of men’s pants, telling a friend i was trans for the first time, requesting hrt from my doc when i was like 16 (i got turned down, but the point is i tried), and every time i stand up for myself is a victory. i wont lie to you, its extremely shitty to have to wait so long for treatment, but there are still little things you can do. 

im also super glad youre making trans ocs!! thats absolutely my #1 way to cope and process gender shit. its literally like therapy for me. really glad to know its helping you too. sorry this got so long; last thing i want to say is that anything bad or difficult that happens to you will make you stronger.