#IT’S MORAL INJURY AND SURVIVOR’S GUILT ALL THE FUCKING WAY DOWN!!!

[laurelnose]

like. tfw you’re mathematically predestined for damnation and trying to make the utilitarianist best of it and then your ███ saves your life in a way that is so morally repugnant to you that you somehow end up shacking up with Mr. All-Caps I Love Genocide because he’s got an idea that will save your entire species from hell

tfw you’re the most senior scientist left because everyone else fucking died, including your boss because of information you gave him that turned out to be incomplete, and you’re struggling with a contagious infocancer with vectors that are opaque to you and one of your people is exposed, but she’s not showing symptoms yet and if you tell anyone they’ll fucking murder her, and you love her, and how far is too far to go to contain a threat like this?

tfw you’re isolated from your home and people and struggling to maintain a normal social life because of the trauma of something heinous you were forced to do as a child and an alien crashlands in your bathroom and tells you, we’re soulmates, serendura, our destinies are intertwined, I need to obtain a weapon that will save your species from enslavement and you’re the only who can help me because our souls match, oh btw mine is ontologically evil. jsyk.

tfw you and your best friend since childhood start an organization to do extrajudicial murder of people who will never face normal justice together but he does way more extrajudicial murder than you thought he was going to, so you expose him to his wife, your other best friend from childhood, and she dumps both of you forever, so now it’s just you and him, locked together, you hate him, you love him, you can’t let him do anything as evil as that ever again, don’t think too hard about the part that you did

tfw an alien shows up in your office and says do exactly what I tell you or I’m destroying the entire fucking planet, and you’re like, well, fuck, okay, I may have to commit some true atrocities, but there’s nothing that can possibly be worse than the extinction of humanity, and it never even occurs to you that you could have bargained with him before selling out Earth until it’s almost too late

[aviculor]

Halloween Ends made a very bold move by taking all the franchise's driving questions- Michael's motivations and his thoughts and why he never speaks and why he keeps returning to Haddonfield- and saying none of them mattered. He was just some random guy who was good at murder. There will be more random guys who are good at murder, and this one was not special. Putting him on a pedestal only disrespects the survivors of his violence and the families of his victims.

And that's all well and good and giving a strong moral indictment against True Crime. But what I didn't like was demonstrating this by making Michael a side character in his own movie, devoting 3/4 of the runtime to another random murder guy's start of darkness. After everything we saw Michael do and endure and walk away from in 2018 and Kills, in Ends he's been reduced to a frail old man who needs an accomplice in order to kill people. You might say that all his injuries and his age finally caught up with him, but that's not a very enticing narrative. Laurie being resigned for a mutual kill and Allyson saying "fuck that" and saving her and helping her finish off Michael because they're family and they love eachother and Laurie's not alone anymore- that's compelling. There should have been more of that.

But I can't even criticize the thematic direction they went in, because what kind of asspull would they have done otherwise? Do you think they would have revealed that he was supernatural all along? Would you have wanted him to suddenly start talking? No, having him finally go down and then destroying his corpse in such a ridiculous display of overkill that it almost comes off as paranoid and hollow is pretty much the only way they could have ended the trilogy. The issue I have is with the execution, that they devoted so much of the runtime to the parable they were teaching where it was almost exclusively about this entirely new character who was never seen or heard of before now. This random guy who became Laurie's friend and Allyson's boyfriend and the only person Michael ever connected with. Doctor Samuel Loomis rolling in his grave over that one.

But speaking of that though, an idea I had after watching Kills was that Michael "The Boogeyman" "The Shape" Myers should have been depicted as a product of his imprisonment if they were really spinning Halloween into having a social message. Think about it: a kid raised from age 6 in a mental hospital, treated as a depraved killer instead of a child. His birthday is October 19th, he turned 6 not even 2 weeks before that day. He was barely out of being a toddler. He basically had his first coherent thought last week. It's entirely plausible he stabbed Judith because he was imitating what he saw in a scary movie as a Funny Halloween Thing because it's Halloween, not even marginally understanding the ramifications. His parents only appear in the cold open of the original film and are never mentioned anywhere in the new trilogy. As far as we can tell, they abandoned him and the only person Michael had since his incarceration was Dr. Loomis. His psychiatrist. Who gave up and wrote him off as irredeemably evil and better off dead when he was fourteen. The fact that I went into Ends having already thought about all this, it made a few gears turn while watching Corey go down his slippery slope. The whole idea with Corey was that after what happened- a death that he was unwittingly responsible for- he was rejected by the people of Haddonfield. He lost the support of his community. He was never allowed to atone or heal, only to have his life become an unending reminder of the pain and guilt. There was no hope of forgiveness or rehabilitation because the people around him wouldn't allow it. To make a long story short, he turned into the monster they saw him as, and in doing so he became a second Michael Myers. He literally put on the mask and everything. So there's an argument to be made that the road we watched Corey go down actually was supposed to parallel the one Michael went down. Which would not only support but canonize my hot take.

The theme of the trilogy- especially Ends- was about healing from past trauma. About community. About family. About moving forward into the future. When you think about it, Michael is someone who was denied all of that since the age he started using the potty like a big boy. If you ascribe to my theory, then the filmmakers did explain Michael. It would actually explain everything. He resents the town that threw him away. He mourns the ordinary life that was stolen from him. He sees everyone else as unworthy of the peace and happiness and kinship that he was denied. He spares those who he sees himself in, who have also been cast aside (children whose parents left them with babysitters, adult Laurie at first, Corey). He knows no one legitimately cares about him or what he has to say, so he doesn't bother saying anything. He gave up on society because society gave up on him first. That's who Michael Myers is.

But the truth, as I mentioned in the beginning, is that even with this grand manifesto he keeps to himself, he's not unique. He's not the first, only, or last person to feel this way. Laurie might have recognized the darkness when writing her memoir, but she never thought about where it came from. As long as the concept of a happy, idyllic suburb exists and as long as upholding that ideal is treated as more sacred than the actual people who live there, there will always be those who get shunned and isolated. There will always be those who don't get love and support when they need it most. There will always be those staring out at the rest of the town through a window. There will always be those who the townsfolk would toss into an industrial shredder after they die just to celebrate them finally being gone.

That's the secret meaning behind Halloween Ends.

[thatringboy]

Can i gush about the themes in your role swap au?

Flowers, Sounds & Stones was the beginning of the hero’s journey, the introduction to this new yet familiar world where you turned everything on its head and gave us a brand new story

In FS&S, even in just chapter one, we see a mixing of gender roles out of necessity, loss of childhood innocence, inevitable death of children and loved ones, questioning the line between masculinity and femininity, examining what true strength looks like and what humanity truly is - and that’s all before we even start looking beyond Tanjiro and Nezuko ad characters. You explore a wide variety grief/trauma responses, different family dynamics outside of the nuclear formula, injuries and recovery, physical manifestations of trauma (ie: the masks, Nezuko’s wrist scars) and so many different types of love including, but not limited to: self love, familial love, platonic love and romantic love. Even in a fantasy setting, you humanize all of the characters - not just the humans - and tell their stories in line with Nezuko’s

Sun, Wind & Ice part one took a different route. It was a much shorter arc that didn’t have time to focus on the large cast of characters and instead had to focus on the main characters of the current plot. It had a darker tone that set us up for the climax that reintroduced an earlier antagonist that worked to shed light on the power scaling of this universe. If Sanemi, the leader of the Pillars - and in your words the second strongest Hashira, couldn’t defeat Upper Moon Three, then how could Zenitsu, Giyuu and Makomo even dream to get their revenge on Upper Two?

And that’s not even getting into the themes of the text!

We have some generational trauma in the Shinazugawa family tied with their positions of power and leadership, we have resurfacing trauma, we have a fucking train fight! We have explored morality’s effect mortality before, but not like this. Two characters - Sanemi and Akaza - who wholeheartedly believed that they were going to Hell and that they were bad people when their actions dictate otherwise. The theme of fate, destiny, and choices mixed with the central theme of duality - how humans have a capacity for “good” and “evil” (and how truly the line is blurred) - is downright beautiful. How the protagonists are haunted by their pasts while trying to move on, some succeeding yet more failing; it was delicious.

Then part two of SW&I comes around for an equally as short plot but just as impactful imo. The tone shifts from dark to hopeful as the setting changes to the dynamic red light district.

I love how in this arc, you took the time to make all of the characters who hadn’t had as much screen time the main characters. We got to see Inosuke struggle with his version of “survivor’s guilt”, Nezuko’s actual survivor’s guilt, Douma struggling with emotions period and Tanjiro’s internal struggle against his demonic half. Along with reintroducing entertaining yet definitely formidable antagonists and reestablishing the BBEG, it’s a wonderfully fast-paced story with plenty of time for character exploration and depth. Along with all the gay moments, it’s beautiful.

It was hard to pick a central theme for this arc, but I think I’ve settled on both free will and “you are greater than the sum of your parts”. We saw Douma chose to give himself a new purpose in life despite his past, we saw Tanjiro chose to give up his humanity to save Nezuko but then regret the choice and find a way to find good in it. Complexities, complexities, complexities galore, who knows what we’ll find if we dig down more

There’s not enough content out for Love, Mist & Demons for me to comment on it, but I’m loving it so far

and all of these themes have their antithesis in our central antagonist. Kagaya Ubuyashiki is anti all of this. He is older than god knows what, he is manipulative, controlling, uncaring for the lives of his devoted followers and reminds me of a snake. I mean for fucks sake he literally kidnaps and collects children to make them into the perfect soldiers! Not to use religious words to describe him, but he is definitely a cult leader or maybe even the devil himself (and if you swapped Kaigaku with who I believe you did… JESUS FUCK THAT’S SOME GOOD SOUP)

The story is good versus evil for sure, but you have done a stellar job of humanizing both sides. The protagonists are fucked up in some ways and the antagonists are victims. It’s beautiful

I-

🥹 thank you!! i don’t even know what to say to all of this other than thank you

[godkilller]

@shirenui144

A more sombre question, but had me wondering... Has Gin ever cried / what would it take to make him cry? I imagine it would be verse dependent, but could a man this guarded ever visibly show such emotional hurt?

          out of character.  Why must you hurt me.

          But it’s an excellent question, and as you say too -- Gin has become such a guarded, numbed, and twisted man. He has, for lack of better wording, killed off that part of himself long ago. He is also one of the topmost guarded characters in Bleach, even Ichigo’s little trick of ‘reading his opponent’s heart’ during battle did not work on Gin. Gin was empty. Gin wasn’t even ‘looking at Ichigo’ with his heart when fighting. They did not reach each other. Gin is so utterly closed off from others and himself that there’s an eerie absence of self present in him, a swallowing abyss, intimidating and oppressive. Gin has also spent his entire existence isolated, he joined Aizen extremely young and thus his centuries-long otherness began. He cannot show emotions akin to Toshiro, who is often used in ways alongside Gin to show what happens if one shows emotions and weakness to Aizen Sousuke via childhood friends. Renji and Rukia, too, are used in ways that contrast Gin and Rangiku subtly in the background. Gin’s interactions with Rukia about Renji, and his interactions with Toshiro about Momo are to make Gin more of an other. He is removed, unlike them.

          So Gin does not despair openly like they do. He doesn’t shout or cry for the audience to see. He’s a villainous cold-hearted bastard.

          This is on top of the potent sense of cultural toxic masculinity and military way of avoiding / “dealing with” emotionally charged moments, not speaking of trauma, and the whole nine yards of suppression which channels into self-worth issues and a tendency for violence. Most characters in Bleach, and especially male characters, aren’t allowed to really stop and think about what they’re feeling, doing -- Ichigo being able to do a decent amount of that, yes, with his protagonist badge, but even then ?  It’s pathetically insufficient, barely a taste of what Ichigo actually should be experiencing, and no other characters are allowed to mourn losses or suffer long-lasting consequences for their actions, for injuries, for mistakes, for harmful words or acts. It’s an action / fighting series, the audience is here for big flashy swordfights and cool abilities, not emotions. Certainly not darker topics of PTSD and the like.

          You can slice it any which way, but Gin grew up as a child soldier. It can be contrasted by the fact that the majority of the Gotei 13 / Shinigami characters are shown, in flashbacks, as entering the Academy whilst in adulthood, becoming Shinigami once adults, with the exception of people like Toshiro, Momo, Hiyori, who all look / are perpetually young.

          Gin is a little older than Toshiro, for context, by the way -- and he is younger than Byakuya. Because Tite doesn’t know how the ages of his own characters work, it can be argued that Gin and Hiyori are possibly within the same ballpark in terms of ages. But like. Look at her. What the fuck. ANYWAYS, the point is ?  Gin’s young, and his trauma is fairly fresh. From the Winter War -- and then 110 years into the past to the Turn Back the Pendulum arc -- Gin spends the majority of his childhood either playing caretaker for Rangiku, who is actually a little older than him, and then killing; first, the three Shinigami that attacked Rangiku, then the Third Seat of the Fifth Division, and then many more likely during his career of observing failed projects at Aizen’s side, witnessing horrific Hollowification experimentations, and many more things. The crucial period of development for things like higher level empathy  ( Gin showcases it by sharing his food with Rangiku, a stranger, and then we see the absolute absence of it from then on )  and Gin swiftly enters into the midst of Erikson’s industry vs. inferiority stage of development; what does he have to offer the world ?  What can he become ?  Will he be good enough ?  This is the stage in which Gin makes the connection as well as makes peace with becoming a monster; this is what I’m offering, this is what I’m becoming, this will be good enough.

          He flipped a switch. It’s questionable whether or not Gin has the ability to cry once he’s an established Third Seat. It’s gone, it’s been swallowed down a hole so deep and dark Gin doesn’t want to go searching for it. He doesn’t want to cry. Gin already has a negative connotation connected to crying given his quote “I’m gonna become a Shinigami, change things for ya, so that you don’t have to cry anymore, Rangiku.” Not crying = good. Not crying means better. Rangiku crying over what was done to her was what embedded into Gin that he needed to be stronger. No crying allowed. None. In his mind, obviously, Gin doesn’t actually make that connection that ‘because Rangiku did this, I’ll do this’ no, he’s not so meticulously aware yet, but there’s certainly an imprint left on him from those earlier years in the Rukongai, dreading her tears, hating them, hating those men, and so crying = murderous intent. Crying = anger.

          If Gin cried as a child, he didn’t realize he was doing so. I can see him crying in his sleep from a dream, a nightmare, a jam-packed series of emotions hitting him whilst vulnerable, whilst unable to smile and swallow it all down. I can see him waking from it and wiping at his face, feeling utter detachment like an ache in his chest, an otherness, like that wasn’t even him crying, that wasn’t him. Gin wouldn’t think more of it, he wouldn’t dare linger on the thoughts. Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know.mp4 and all that jazz.

          Gin is more likely to lash out in anger than let himself cry. I have a headcanon / drabble somewhere of Gin screaming into his inner world, clutching at his hair, feeling so terribly close to crying but he can’t, it literally will not happen. He’s too bottled up and frustrated from that that when he actually has an opportunity to cry and it doesn’t naturally happen because he’s become so suppressed, it just outright angers him. Because he has latched everything up, lock and key, by the time Gin’s an adult -- if he were to cry as an adult, it’d be during a flurry of explosive emotions. He cannot just casually let loose, no, that door’s jammed shut, it’s been coiled tight in him. A pit of despair by the time the Winter War rolls by. Gin admits to feeling anxiety, dread, during that conflict -- a sign of slowly coming undone, no longer able to keep himself from hesitance, doubt, insecurity, and anticipation hovering around him like a dark cloud. Gin cannot cry, though, not now. Not when he’s so close to making all the pain worth something...

          So it’s no surprise that Gin really only starts getting the actual opening to properly cry in my canon divergent verses. But the catch !!!!  Gin has failed so thoroughly and so brutally that he feels he doesn’t deserve to weep about it. That this is merely a fraction of the karma he deserves. He experiences suicidal ideation, daydreaming of how it’d simply be easier if he hadn’t survived at all. He feels too hollow to cry, then, at the start. He feels too heavy, too much, it’s too much to cry about. He ruined himself and Rangiku for nothing. He did all of this for nothing. And now Rangiku wants answers, still waiting, watching him, and he can’t cry in front of her. IT’S STILL INGRAINED IN HIM FROM CHILDHOOD: she’s the one who cries and he’s the one who comforts. The audacity of him to cry in front of her after everything he put her through, as though he were the victim and her the one needing to comfort him. Gin may be morally gray, but at times he truly sees the world in black and white. No moderation, no give and take.

          It’d hit him later, when he’s learning to become more vulnerable. When he’s trying to open up to Rangiku about something he has to rip from himself, his heart holding onto this sorrow for so long Gin has to surgically remove the truth from himself. AS A CHILD, WITNESSING WHAT HAPPENED TO RANGIKU COUNTS AS A TRAUMATIC EVENT. Not talking about it for 110+ years does a number or two on you when you at last, FINALLY, tell her the fucking scoop. Gin repressed what happened to Rangiku because he recognized that Rangiku did not fully and properly remember, recollect, what happened to her. He knew. Gin saw.

          Compartmentalizing her trauma on top of his own, as though a keeper of it, a sin-eater, Gin would feel absolute despairing relief at finally telling her. Despairing because he’ll be inflicting upon her something he’s been holding back, holding that door shut, for the entirety of their knowing of one another, and to finally let go of the door and let that beast of trauma go charging at her undeterred ?  There’s immense guilt attached to this entire affair. Gin feels childlike guilt; why her, and not me ?  I wish it could’ve been me, we could’ve traded places and I’d be fine, I’d live, we could live happy together.  Akin to survivor’s guilt, Gin wishes those men had found him and taken a piece of his soul rather than Rangiku’s. The ‘why’ of it haunts him. Why her. Why didn’t I stop them. Why didn’t I show up sooner. I could’ve bitten at them, kicked and hit, we could have escaped together -- or at least you could have. Gin also feels guilt at a base adult level: why am I keeping this from her ? No, it’s too late to tell her, she’s happier now, there will never be a good time to tell her.

          There are so many things, feelings, thoughts, that Gin has never shared with Rangiku due to it all being tied to the unspoken secret he’s let fester inside of him.

          SO WHEN GIN FINALLY TELLS RANGIKU WHY HE JOINED AIZEN, WHY HE TRIED TO KILL AIZEN, WHY HE SAID THOSE WORDS TO HER DURING THAT BLIZZARD AND BECAME A SHINIGAMI ... GIN’S GOING TO BREAK DOWN.

          The truth is tied to vulnerability in Gin’s mind. Telling it means ripping himself apart at the seams. Everything he crafted himself out to be was made around this secret. It’s going to be bloody, it’s going to hit him like a fucking train. Gin’s going to feel it coming, rumbling on the tracks, he’ll hear it even, that approaching storm, he’ll know by the prickle at his eyes and the closing of his throat, but still nothing’s ever prepared him for the absolute choked finality of the truth, and he’s going to do his best to hold it back -- it’s instinctive, it’s in his blood by now to mask it, stop it, divert and drawl his way out of it. But this time he can’t just stop halfway and distract her, talk about something else. No, Gin’s cornered himself and it’s high time Rangiku got the truth from him, he can’t run away any more. He’ll have to grit his teeth and talk through it, swallow it back just enough to speak, to tell her what he’s done to them both and for what, for why, it’s the worst possible conversation they could ever have, but one they need. And Gin’s going to find himself incapable of holding back a sob the more he discloses, the more that slips out and escapes him the more the emotions tied to that sunken anchor come up too. He will feel simultaneously lighter and heavier for it.

          There are numerous ways Gin’s thought about wording it. He’s thought about the numbed approach, MISSION REPORT style: Aizen Sousuke harvested souls from the 64th Rukongai District, they took a piece from you. Perhaps not, no, not like that. Maybe... back when y’were a kid, there were three Shinigami assigned to the 64th District to collect souls to fuel Aizen Sousuke’s Hogyoku. They took somethin’ from you. I saw it. I saw them hoverin’ over you, I saw it in their hands. I saw’em offer it up to Aizen in the forest, collectin’ firewood. I saw him.

          WHY DIDN’T I STOP HIM, WHY DIDN’T I ATTACK THOSE THREE MEN THEN AND THERE IN BROAD DAYLIGHT WITH YOUR COLLAPSED FORM A FEW FEET AWAY, MAYBE I COULD HAVE TAKEN THEM ON AFTER ALL. I COULD HAVE CRUSHED A SKULL IN WITH STONE, I COULD’VE STOLEN HIS SWORD BEFORE THE LIFE FULLY FADED FROM HIM AND MADE IT VANISH, I COULD’VE CARVED THROUGH THE SECOND, SLICE THE TENDON AT THE THIRD’S ANKLE AS HE ATTEMPTED TO FLEE, WARN OTHERS. SLIT HIS THROAT AS HE CRAWLED AWAY. YOU’D HEAR IT, OFF TO THE SIDE. YOU’D SEE ME COME UP TO YOU WITH BLOOD SPLATTERS. YOU’D SEE ME LEAN OVER YOU WITH NOT A PERSIMMON OFFERED, NO, YOUR OWN FUCKING SOUL THEY PLUCKED FROM YOU. SHAKY HAND. BLOODIED HAND. TAKE IT, TAKE IT BACK. I FIXED IT --

          Just tell her. JUST TELL HER.

          DO YOU REMEMBER THE DAY WE MET, RANGIKU ... ?

[batarella]

The Bullet: A Sequel to The Commander - Part 2 (Jason Todd x Reader)

THE SMUT STARTS HERE. THO THIS ONE ISNT ACTUALLY FULL ON SMUT, YOU’LL KNOW WHAT I MEAN. 

ALSO, THE FIRST SCENE IS THE RED HOOD AK DLC!!!

WORDS: 7649 WARNINGS: VIOLENCE, FIREARMS, SURVIVOR’S GUILT, SMUT (hihi)

MASTERLIST

THE BULLET MASTERLIST

-----

Jump.

Glass shattering beneath his feet, the Red Hood dove in from the unknown above and landed meticulously on his knee and fist onto the cold hard ground. Black Mask’s goons were quick on their feet, but it wasn’t without the chilling spook instilled into their beating chests that came with every one of his unsuspected appearances.

“I would run if I were you!” Red Hood grabbed his two hand guns and open fired at the incoming company. About ten of them in the room, to his estimate. They brought out their fists, trembling no less, but it didn’t mean they wouldn’t be up to a fight. The vigilante started with the left. Leaping towards the black masked goon, he slammed the back of his gun against his head, whilst narrowly avoiding a hit from another. From behind, he could feel another about to take him, so he let the thug grab him before he laid it on him with a series of elbow shots left and right until his body was too limp to even move. He threw him from behind, over his back, then Red Hood shot him in the head.

The others must have thought he wasn’t really going to willingly kill. Surprise, surprise. He was.

Another three shots at one of them. He backflipped, landing a kick to a man’s chest before he shot his neck. He turned around and hit a head with his closed fist. A fucking barrel of gasoline came flying to his way. At the last second, he grabbed it with both arms and hauled it over to two heads. “You better hit harder than that!” one of them said.

“You get points for trying!” Red Hood sputtered as he fired his guns at an onslaught from three men just about to collapse. Then the gate started to rise. Reinforcements. Now, we’re talking.

Two of them had electrified sticks in their hands. Cute. Just like the ones from the militia. He just aimed at their head and in no time, they ended up on the ground. A dozen of them were after him now, and without much of a fight, Red Hood slowly took them out one by one, leaping in the air, landing a kick or two at one before jumping to the next to land his fist at wherever. He stunned one of them, then right before any of them could interfere, he started landing a run of punches right to his chest, more than enough to fully take him down. Then he used his body as leverage to pull himself up, before hitting his head stronger than any concussion he could survive with.

A few more. His ammo was barely even out. He kept firing at anyone coming close to him, with his hits getting stronger and faster the more he landed a hit. He dodged one just as he was about to be grabbed and pinned to the ground, so with a flying kick, the thug’s body was sent to a wall.

Three. Two. One.

One more.

Red Hood walked over to the trembling Black Mask goon and grabbed him by the collar.

“Where’s Black Mask keeping the goods?!”

“You want information,” the man coughed. “Read a newspaper!”

“Wrong answer-“

The gun he held up to his head sent his arms flying and his whole body shaking beneath Red Hood’s hold. The man gave in. “Okay, okay! At the Docks! He’s keeping the guns at the docks!”

“Appreciate that!” Red Hood slammed his head with hi gun, landing him onto the floor, then without further thought, he placed a bullet right into his skull.

Penguins shipment must have just arrived. The docks shouldn’t be too far off.

-----

She didn’t stay in the hospital longer than the doctor forced her too. He hadn’t slept. Demanded to be placed in the same room as she was. He told himself he was okay enough to take care of her when he was just as equally in need of help. But he ignored the pain. She needed him.

Jason walked over to her hospital bed. She wasn’t even asleep. She was sitting up, knees folded up to her probably aching chest. Her eyes have never looked so empty and dead. She was cold to touch, her eyes dark circled with bags and bloodshot. She didn’t turn to him. And if there were tears, they had dried out after the past nights of endless torturous crying over something she couldn’t go back to.

When Jason reached for her hand, she broke down. For the hundredth time, she cried. And even when he could feel the guilt pulling her away from letting him hold onto her, he mustered up all the strength he could, held her to his chest and felt the tears seep into his clothes. It stung. Everywhere. On his skin, and within his chest no medication could reach.

-----

The weapons were all at the docks, alright. Black Mask couldn’t have made it more obvious. Never mind it saying ‘Gotham Hardware’ at the middle. His goons had their masks on stupidly as if a big fat ‘Illegal Shipment Happening Here!’ neon light up sign was flashing through the street.

Red Hood climbed up a metal beam and turned on his heat censors.

“You’re all about to discover crime doesn’t pay…” he whispered.

One of them had a bullet proof vest. There were eleven of them. All heavily armed. He’s going to have to take all these morons out silently.

He started with the bullet proof one. Might as well get him over with. He grappled over to the center, grabbed onto the ledge just below the railing where he couldn’t be seen.

Then when the man walked close enough, Red Hood flipped himself over to let his feet land onto his head. He twisted his neck with his incredibly strong thighs, then his fist met his face. One down. He fired his gun at an armed guard who caught sight of him and he was down after just three shots.

His own bullet wounds started to sting, but at that point he barely went through a day without an injury just slightly holding him back. Red Hood swung over to the control area where the beams were to be moved around and crouched down before one of them saw him. He hid behind a weapons crate, waited until he was inside, then just as he was out of anyone else’s sight, Red Hood crept up from behind and outrightly snapped his neck. “Worthless ape,” he muttered.

Another one nearby. He just shot him in the head when he wasn’t looking with the gun right up against his temple. The fifth one was all the way to the other side, just by himself, so he took out both guns and fired mercilessly at his chest. He fell over the ledge and his cold, bloodied body was spilled out onto the ground.

The others started finding the bodies. He heard one of them scream his name. Red Hood waited behind the crates for another to climb up a ladder, then he snapped his neck again just to keep his silence. He left him on the ground.

Not one of them had managed to land a hit on him yet. He was starting to get bored. Through the night, taking advantage of their fear and the darkness to his favor, the Red Hood terrorized the whole of the docks, sending one body lie cold after another. Some of them, he just subdued, but when he felt like it, he snapped their necks or placed a bullet into their heads. Tonight, he was so feeling it.

Turns out a lot of them wore bullet proof vests. Didn’t mean he killed them any less viciously.

Two of them huddled together by doorway. Red Hood grappled up, flipped over the railing with the goons’ backs turned to him, then without any of them taking notice, he grabbed the back of one’s collar, flipped him over to the other one’s body, then when both were on the floor, he shot them.

The last one, the same as the other, on the ground shivering as Red Hood approached him with a big hand gun coming for his head. His voice was clear through his visor. “I want a word with your boss, Black Mask. Where is he?”

“You ain’t gonna kill me! You ain’t gonna kill me!!!”

Damn Bruce’s moral code and how it’d affected Gotham’s crime monkeys. This wasn’t the first time they taunted him for not actually being able to take lives.

“Do I look like Batman to you?” he growled. “Rethink your answer before I fill you up with lead…”

The henchman mustn’t have been paid too much because he immediately gave in.

“Downtown. In his office. But you ain’t gonna kill him. He knows you're coming, freak!”

He slammed his visor onto the man’s black mask. On the ground, through the eye holes, Red Hood could see what every man had on their eyes before death came in to consume him.

“Good,” he said, then he shot him in the chest.

-----

Nothing has ever hurt more.

It had already been a few weeks. She hasn’t let him do so much as touch her. Never. Never has she ever been so distant, so consumed in her own guilt that even he didn’t have an answer to. He can tell himself it wasn’t her fault as much as it wasn’t his. But he knew, she knew, that at the end of the day, it was her doing. And he was never going to outrightly admit that. And even if it was true, when at last, he does believe it was because of her, he’d already forgiven her. How couldn’t he?

How could he let all this built up anger get the best of what they had? She meant everything to him, always had. And now, she was solely the only thing he’s got. He can't let this take over what they had. But he couldn’t even tell her that. Not when she hadn’t spoken anything over the littlest words of bland acknowledgement, yes or no’s every now and then. She hasn’t kissed him, held him. But when she does speak, it’s in cries of bitter horror asking him for the forgiveness he never wanted out of her.

Laying on opposite sides of the bed, he stared out into the window. She wasn’t asleep. He could tell. Jason shifted in the bed so he could face her.

The sheets formed her figure, and he could see just how beautiful she was even in such sadness. He really, really wanted to hold her. Because as much as this was hurting her, it was hurting him, too. They’d both lost. And they were supposed to be in this together.

He reached out to her shoulder, and after letting him touch her for the shortest moment, Y/N moved away. He fell asleep that night, only out of exhaustion, with endless tears flooding their pillows.

-----

The pain. It never faltered. Never hindered with anything he’s ever sought to try.

It was always there. Every bullet he shot, every neck he’s snapped. It all goes back to everything he’s lost. Everything he’s ever loved. He reached Black Mask’s office and he’d been mindlessly firing his bullets at everyone who was in his way. He didn’t care, never gave anyone much of a thought. He wasn’t a hero, but he was killing villains. Fuck what he was. He didn’t have anything to hold onto anymore.

Red Hood got to a group of unarmed men, and with a long stretch of his neck, he gripped onto his guns, head craned down. “Useless dogs,” he growled. Then already he’s flipped one of them over to the ground at a hard slap against the side of his face. He fired his guns, left and right, then flipped over so his feet landed on someone, anyone’s face. Their fucking masks on were practically to no use. He used to them hit their heads harder, as if the butt of his guns or his fists already weren’t enough. A number of them were scattered around, but not one of them landed a single hi-

A large blow to his back. He almost-almost­­-fell to the ground, but he stretched out his spine, turned around, and the goon in question was backing away from Red Hood’s obviously larger frame. He blew his brains out before he could move any further. Two of them went after him at the same time, and he flew in the air, grabbed their heads, then smashed them against each other.

The doors flew open.

Roman Sionis. Black Mask. In an untainted white suit. Probably his worst enemy. The man, not the suit. The crime lord held out his fists and screamed, “Big mistake coming here! Big mistake!”

Red Hood rolled his eyes, then dodged just as a sniper’s red laser managed to get a good shot of him. He jumped, his leg landing against two necks cracking beneath his boot. “This is gonna hurt,” Black Mask said.

“Blah, blah, keep on yapping,” Red Hood fired two shots at him and jumped over to another henchman just about to hit his head with a lead pipe. Alternating between his fists and feet, Red Hood took them all out one after the other, shooting at Black Mask when the last bullet wasn’t enough. He flew in the air, he jumped against walls, he moved so swiftly not one of them could catch him in the middle of a strike. One of them got too close to an electrical control box and he slammed his head into the board.

When at last, Black Mask was the only one left, his henchmen’s bodies scattered about on the floor, Red Hood, growling beneath his breath, grabbed the smaller man by the collar and hauled him up in the air.

“Black Mask,” he said. “You shoulda left when you had the chance…”

Red Hood pushed him against a glass window, and he held onto the one hand on his neck.

“Y-you don’t need to do this,” he trembled. At least his men put up more of a fight. This coward didn’t even take long to give in. “Whatever you want! Please. I’ll take a plane. Leave Gotham. Never show my face again. Anywhere you want. I’ll go anywhere!”

As if that’s ever done any good for anyone.

“How about you go to hell…”

His boot, right up against his chest. Red Hood pushed him into the window and it broke at the impact. Roman Sionis fell to his death five stories above ground.

“Say hi to Joker for me…”

-----

For the first time in weeks, Y/N crawled over to his side of the bed, his chest warm and naked and all the tensions, his muscles frozen over, it all felt infinitely better at her touch. She wrapped her arms around his body from behind, her chin against his shoulder. “I love you…” she said into his ear.

Jason held her arm and placed a kiss onto her wrist. He felt tears seep into his chest. And that was all there is. Maybe, this was the first step at getting better. He closed his eyes, hoping tomorrow had something better in store.

He never realized that was her saying goodbye.

Jason woke up to an empty bed.

No.

No. No. No. No.

Everything was gone. Her clothes. Her guns. All her stuff. It was all gone. It couldn’t be… She would have been preparing for so long.

But everything was still there before he went to bed. Even her toothbrush was gone from the cup on the sink. How could she have taken everything and wiped out all traces of her in so little time?

No. Fucking no.

He tore up the apartment. He looked through the only three rooms they had. Nothing. Like she was nothing but a dream he’d conjured up this whole time. The most wonderful, dangerous dream.

Jason sank to the ground, hands trembling on his phone as he called her but to no end, no one answered.

-----

It was raining by the time he’d snuck out of the building. Out into the alleyways, where the winds were disrupted even when his hood concealed most of the cold, he leaned against the wall and stretched out his back, hand over his abs to feel for any of the stitches possibly ripped apart or any sigh of bleeding. There was a sting, but nothing too much to worry about.

Twenty-thousand dollars. Right inside a cash box in Sionis’s office where a bunch of them were counting the bills. He took them out and flashed through them with his fingers before stuffing them deep into his pants. He’ll have to get out soon. It wouldn’t be too long before they’ll find the bodies.

Red Hood walked into the alley; head faced down into the darkness. He placed his guns firm into his holsters and hissed his way through the pain. There was nothing much left for him to do. Black Mask was dead, probably the one asshole he’s had to deal with the most, other than Penguin and the rest. It had always been Sionis who he’s messed with for more than two years now. He finally killed him. After all this time.

He didn’t know what was about to happen next, what happens to his empire. He and Deadshot used to take them out one by one. Gotham’s biggest crime families. Just two days ago, she took out Sal Maroni, the last of her debt to Falcone. And what usually happens was that their money, their weapons cache, their drug crates, they all usually get turned up to the police.

Further down the alleyways, he found a place where he could change and take off his visor.

His feet stepped into the puddles into the cracks of the ground and the raindrops fell seeping into his clothes. He stopped when he saw a dark figure standing in between the walls of the alley not so far from him. As a light from a car passed by, he saw bright flashes of blue glisten from his black suit. And in his hands, the figure held onto two escrima sticks.

Red Hood’s hand went over to his gun, then he heard something else from behind him, jumping from one of the rooftops. He turned around.

Red and yellow. He could see it from the lamppost enlightening the other side of the alley. A domino mask on his face. A long Bo staff held over his shoulder.  

Nightwing and Robin stared at him from opposite ends, then they made their way to the center.

Red Hood didn’t even flinch. “This is why I have two guns.”

He grabbed the two from his holsters, holding them out to opposite ends, then started firing at will at wherever he could. Nightwing flipped over his back, missing the bullets, then Robin jumped towards a trash bin to avoid the shots.

“Jason!”

“What the fuck do you assholes want now?!”

He kept firing, then Nightwing was first to climb out from hiding, swiftly running sideways against the wall. Red Hood focused fire on him, then when he felt Robin come up from behind, he turned around to swing his arm, but Robin ducked just in time.

A kick to his back, from Nightwing’s stupid leotard-covered leg. Red Hood fired his gun at his direction but Nightwing had flew up in the air, the way only an acrobat can do, and landed his knee against Red Hood’s visor.

“You killed Black Mask!” Robin screamed.

“You can't hold anything against me-“

“We just saw you come out of Black Mask’s hideout with fifty other dead bodies!” Nightwing tried to grab him in a headlock, but Red Hood butted his head into his nose and elbowed him out of the way.

Robin tried blocking Red Hood’s blows with his staff, spinning it around to create some sort of shield from his hits. Nightwing landed a few hits on his shoulder with his own sticks, but Red Hood didn’t falter.

Until he was hit right in the stomach by Robin, making his knees tremble at the shooting pain until he kneeled to the ground.

“You fucking replacement-“

“Nightwing, watch out!”

Red Hood shook off the pain, started for the wall so make him run right up to it and spin around, open firing at every direction he can aim at.

“You two can fucking try.”

“Jason, just stop!”

“Why the fuck would I stop!?”

“Come with us to the safehouse-“

He almost shot Nightwing in the shoulder if he didn’t move in time. They kept leaping, dodging his bullets, then Robin started for his limbs but he could only land so many hits.

“Why?! Because Bruce is gone, you think I’m just gonna come crawling back to you?” he snorted. “I don’t believe for a second that that dickhead’s dead.”

“Why would we lie about that?” Nightwing said.

“You people lie about everything!”

“Jason-“

“You, shut up!” He pointed the gun at Robin. They’d stopped fighting. They just stood each other off, hands up. Robin held his head high despite the muzzle being pressed right against his forehead. “You don’t get to talk.”

“Robin’s only trying to help-“

Red Hood laughed a grim, throaty chuckle. “I want either of you morons to pinpoint the exact point in time when I asked for your fucking help.”

“This isn’t how we do things-“

“This is how I do things. I don’t play by Bruce’s stupid code anymore. And I swear, the next time you show up bringing this with you,” he shuffled the gun against Robin. “I’ll put a bullet into both your skulls.”

“Jason-“

He shot the ground just where Nightwing was standing. The older man breathed, panted at the sight of near death. He looked up to where Red Hood’s eyes would be. “Either you come with us, or we take you to the police. You’ve killed too many.”

“Good luck catching me.”

“Commissioner, do you copy?”

GCPD’s radio signal. It started blaring out from Nightwing’s communicator loud enough for all of them to hear.

“Two vehicles on pursuit. We have eyes on Deadshot driving a pizza truck in Drescher.”

“Sending coordinates.”

Nightwing was just about to turn off the radio when Red Hood spun around, kicking both of them in the knees, before popping out a smoke bomb.

He grappled up to the roof. “Where the hell is he going?!” Robin yelled.

Red Hood didn’t give them a second look. He jumped up and around from rooftop to rooftop. He could feel them coming his way, either to put him down or see why he was suddenly so keen on brushing them off.

He turned on his own comms.

“Attempting rolling roadblock.”

“She’s losing control. Calling for backup.”

Shit. Shit. Shit. The woman can drive a tank but she has no idea how to drive a fucking pizza truck.

He turned his head back, with Nightwing and Robin still on his tail. Pulling out his gun, he started firing at them but kept his speed.

“We’re coming with you!”

“This is my fucking fight, Grayson! Just stay away!”

He jumped into a roof too far for his feet to reach. Grabbing onto the edge with just his fingers, Red Hood barely pulled himself up. Nightwing’s leaner physique and acrobatic abilities allowed him to backflip through the distance and Robin’s cape helped him glide much more smoothly. He snorted.

A bike. Just nearby at the sidewalk. He jumped off the side, hands and feet slowing his descent towards the ground, and as swiftly as he could, Red Hood reached the ground and jumped onto the vehicle. He started the ignition, and just before the two could reach him, he’d sped off into the streets.

-----

Maybe going after one of El Penitente’s drug houses wasn’t such a good idea when cops were in the middle of a gathering in a nearby pizza parlor.

And maybe it wasn’t a good idea to steal one of the trucks to get out of the place just because she couldn’t find a single bike nearby.

This time, she wasn’t there on an assignment. She chose Penitente’s Cartel because of their operations reaching out to an elementary school. Of course, it wasn’t without stealing from one of their cash boxes. She wasn’t in this for free.

But it didn’t matter how much money she had on her now when she was running for her life, driving a damn pizza truck around Founder’s Island with three police cars on her tail. The roads were roaring of sirens, car horns, noises. She took a sharp turn at an intersection and the truck almost fell over at the weight. Fuck.

“Attempting rolling roadblock,” she heard one of the cops say into an intercom. She stepped on it, and running past the traffic with the cars steering out of the way. She cursed repeatedly as two cars started to surround her sides.

So she turned into an alleyway barely able to fit the truck inside. Running over trash bins and sacks and probably a cat that was too slow to get out of the way, the police cars came up behind her. She was met with another road, then she turned to the side, facing the incoming traffic. FUCK.

Left. Right. Left. The truck was fucking heavy. Like she was actually lugging it around. She managed to steer into the right side of the road without running anyone over and stepped on the gas. She was running out of fuel. As if the world hadn’t already been so cruel to her.

As she passed an intersection, the cops caught up behind her.

A motorcycle, speeding like a bullet to her side. It caught her attention as she heard the driver yell out to her. She glanced at him and almost choked at the sight of a red hood.

“Fucking-“

“PULL YOUR WINDOW OPEN!”

“GET THE HELL OUT OF THE WAY!”

But as she pushed on the gas, Red Hood only seemed to go faster. “DEADSHOT!”

“LOOK OUT!”

Red Hood swerved just as he was about to hit a pole. Then he kept to her side, slamming his fist against the car door. Deadshot turned further away from her and saw the cops coming nearer.

“JUST LET ME IN!”

“NO!”

Red Hood grunted, then he disappeared. She turned left and right, away from the cars too slow to move out.

Then before she could notice Red Hood coming from the other side of the truck, he had leapt all the way over to the window, pushing his boots against the glass so it broke upon impact. Deadshot blocked herself from the shards, then shot him a deathly glare as he sat on the passenger seat.

“MISS ME?”

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE?!”

“EYES ON THE ROAD!”

She turned before she hit an old lady on the pedestrian lane.

“What are you trying to do?!”

“Helping you. You can't get out of this alive.”

“Excuse me?!”

A police car, just at her left, so close to coming to her window. “Shit-“

“Let me drive-“

“I can take this!”

Another sharp turn, then the truck was so close to falling over, they felt the weight on themselves.

“Okay,” she gulped. “You drive.”

She climbed over Red Hood’s lap over to the passenger side, then Red Hood took the wheel, slammed on the gas, then sped through the roads.

“Won't use your whole arsenal of weapons on your back?”

“I’ve sworn off killing cops.”

He swerved just enough to hit the police car’s left side. It skidded into the road, but not enough to stop it. “What do we do?”

“We’re gonna crash this thing!”

“What?!”

“Got your grappling gun ready?”

Crime Alley. He’s headed for Crime Alley. The cars around them were frantically turning around and they were practically running on two wheels at this rate. Why did she have to pick a fucking truck?!

“Get your gun and fire at the air!”

To scare people off. They’ll set themselves aside. Deadshot grabbed her pistol, pointed it at the sky just outside her window and started firing relentlessly into nothing. People were screaming out of the way, and the cops started calling in backup. One of the pedestrians jumped onto the sidewalk just as he crossed the road and another threw himself at a window for safety. The streets have never been so chaotic.

But then again, this was Gotham. It continues to surprise itself.

“On my count, shoot at the windshield!”

Deadshot held onto her gun like her life depended on it. At the sharp turn over to a corner, just for the split second they were out of the cop’s sight, Red Hood fully turned the wheel until the truck finally gave out and fell onto its side.

They grabbed onto the seats, holding their heads. Sparks started to fly out onto the now secluded streets and the truck drifted against the ground. “Now!”

She fired at the windshield, then they both kicked at the glass with their boots. Two grappling guns shot out onto the nearest rooftops it could reach and they fled out of the truck just as it skidded into a sidewalk and crashed.

And just as the police came to the scene, Red Hood and Deadshot had disappeared.

The cops went up to the truck.

“Thought you said those guys broke up?”

“They don’t exactly keep you updated on vigilante relationships on TMZ, now do they?”

-----

She couldn’t possibly think he’d just go away after that.

Crime Alley. It was deserted, despite the fact that at this time it should already be littered with thugs and maybe a robbery somewhere if you looked hard enough. Deadshot landed her feet onto a puddle, followed by another set of boots slamming against the ground behind her.

She started walking towards the light, at the streets, but she felt a hand reach for her shoulder.

So the first thing she did was turn around and kick him in the chest, right where she knew the bullet wounds would hurt the most.

“Fuck!” he landed on the ground. “What was that for?!”

“Why can't you just leave me alone!?”

“I saved your life-“

“I didn’t need you to save it!”

Red Hood got up to his feet and ran in front of her, stopping her from walking any further. “Lately you’ve been out of control-“

Deadshot scoffed under her white mask. “So you decide to play the hero and step in? Stir trouble over at the other side of the city in Chinatown so they’d leave me alone? Or kill Black Mask right before you knew he was about to hire me the next day?!”

“I’m not sayin-“

“Say it! Say I’ll be dead without you! Convince me that I need you so much so I’ll come crawling back!”

“That’s not what I’m trying to do!”

“Then what!?” her muffled screams echoed into the darkness.

“Is it so wrong that I’m looking after you!?” He stepped forward and his larger body pushed her back.

“I don’t need you to look after me.”

“You think you can fucking stop me?”

Deadshot pushed his chest with her arms, but he caught her wrists, twisted them so she’d fall off before she could grab him.

“I swear. The next time I see you following me-“

“You’ll what?”

Deadshot looked up at his visor and stared him down with what little he could see of her eyes. Her optics glowed, and she hoped it blinded him from such close distance.

“Just. Leave. Me. Alone.”

“You’re insane-“

That’s it. This asshole’s gonna pay.

A swing of her leg, right against his head. Red Hood flew over to the wall and Deadshot grabbed his jacket to fling him over to the other side of the alley.

“I’m not here to fight!”

“I wasn’t either!”

She ducked before Red Hood’s arms could come and grab her, then she started for her leg, pulling him down to the ground. With his boots, he kicked her down, grabbing her with her mask so he could push her against the wall.

“Don’t ever call me crazy-“

“Then what is it with all these suicide missions!? You trying to get yourself killed?!”

She held onto the hand grabbing her collar. “Shut up!”

A knee managed to reach up to his chin. Red Hood backed off, stretching his jaw, then Deadshot started flinging her fists over to his visor. Some he could block, some he couldn’t. Her punches got stronger but it wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle. Not without her guns.

Red Hood grabbed her fists and pushed her away, then with his arm, he grabbed her into a headlock really making sure she couldn’t squirm out of it.

“Enough!”

A gun. She managed to grab one from her holster. She slammed it against his head and shot up into the sky, right up against Red Hood’s ear.

He hissed at the noise for the slightest split second, then pulled out his own gun.

Right where they were two years ago. Pointing their guns at each other when both of them knew none of them would pull the trigger.

“Put the gun down,” Red Hood said. “You really gonna shoot me?”

“I just might.”

She wouldn’t. He knew she wouldn’t. Even with the mask over her face, he could see her features soften the way it did when she was looking at him.

So Red Hood lowered his gun first, dropped it to the ground.

“Go ahead.”

Fuck.

She hated it when he did this, challenge her into doing something so vile and cruel just as he did at the militia. It was nothing more than when he’d ask her to put a bullet into someone’s skull when he felt like it.

She wanted him to take off that fucking visor and look at her right at her face when he did this.

Deadshot dropped her gun, then her hands went over to her head just to squeeze the pain out of her scalp.

“Fuck!” she growled.

“Y/N…”

Jason raised his visor and his hood.

How his eyes screamed out to her, asked her to be calm, to be how she would be towards him if they weren’t in this alley. The look that had always been the one thing she could hold onto, to keep her on the ground and at the same time fly her all the way up to the sky.

Y/N took off her mask.

And she turned around before looking at him just became too much.

“God…” she whispered to herself. “What have I done…”

“Come back to me… Please…”

“Jason-“

He stepped in front of her, backing her against the wall. She looked up and all she wanted to do was kiss him.

“I want you back… Please come back.”

“Jay-“

“I blame myself just as much as you do.”

“You told me so,” she bit back the tears, the crack on his voice. Looking up, his face getting closer to hers. “The look on your face when we were at that hospital…”

“I’d never say that…”

“I’m so sorry…” she cried. Something was blocking her throat from coming up with any else for her to say. Jason’s gloved hands, though stiff and cold, felt comfortable holding her face. She held his wrists. She wanted them there. So much. But further more and she’ll never be able to let go. She tried to pry them away, but his hold was too strong.

Fuck, his breath. His voice. His face. She wanted to have him, pull his hand and go over to her place for the night…

“You're the only one for me-“

“Don’t go there-”

“You are.”

“I said don’t.”

That’s when Jason froze at the pursing glare shooting right from her eyes and onto his own. She grew stiff, then started to push him back.

“I was clearly not the only one-”

Jason exhaled a long, shaky whip of air. “What?”

“You think you're the only one following me around?” she scoffed. “I saw you bring in a few women into the apartment.”

“You left me-“

“Don’t go around saying you were so fucking loyal-”

“Y/N, they meant nothing.”

“Don’t say it,” she breathed. “It’s a surprise you still claim not to be over me at all.”

A hand to his chest, but this time he stood firm.

Then it was his turn to push her body against the wall.

“You have no idea…” he growled against her face. Actually growled. Low cracking at the pit of his voice. His breath hot, right up against her mouth. He made sure his body guarded around her so she couldn’t move. His chest, pressed right up against her. “Those women I’ve used… Just to get over you…”

She was shaking, not so much as terrified as she was feeling some kind of surge up to her head. His voice, it was comparable to a lion’s before it pounced at a gazelle.

“You know how much I hate putting myself out there to people I don’t trust but I was fucking ruined after you left. So I tried it. Just a few times. I kept my clothes on. I didn’t let them see or touch me. But I fucked them. Exactly like we used to the first time. Just to see if it could make me forget you.”

“Jason, stop-“

But his arms caged around her. She shut her eyes, felt his nose trail up to her forehead. She didn’t want him to feel how much she was trembling. Not at fear. No.

Jason’s lips, hovering over hers so intensely close. She could feel them touch, ever so softly just enough to feel the friction but not hard enough to actually kiss. Y/N wanted so badly to close the distance between them.

“I tried so fucking hard, then I ended up screaming your name when I came-“

“Fuck, Jay.”

Still, she couldn’t move, though her efforts to do so were getting less and less.

“Then I realized you’re the only one I’ll ever want to fuck. You know why?”

With his arms, so large and enticing, he flipped her over so she faced the wall. She tried to keep off the wet cement but Jason was pressing against her back.

She could move now. Out of the way. Push him back and leave for good.

But, god almighty, she didn’t want to.

His head came up to Y/N’s shoulder, and with her hand, she touched the side of his face. “Why…” she asked him.

Jason pushed his hips against her ass.

“They couldn’t get my cock to be as painfully hard for them as you do…”

“Shit,” she moaned, his breath painfully hot against her neck.

“They weren’t as soaking wet for me as your pussy gets even when I just breath into your ear… Just like this.”

And he did just that, whispering against her ear despite her hair in the way. Y/N was up against the wall, cheek against the cement.

Then her eyes rolled to the back of her skull when Jason reached in to cup her pussy. “Oh!”

Not being touched for so long, she just might cum right then and there. If he moved even the slightest bit, despite all the layers of her suit, she’ll cum. “Fuck!”

“It doesn’t even come close when I had you bent over my desk being fucked like you weren’t the Commander of my militia army-“

She tried to grind against his palm, closing her eyes, imagining just that memory she’d memorized despite the years.

“And when they came,” he pressed a finger further into her hole despite the gloves he had on. “It’s not as fucking satisfying as watching you shake and scream out my name… even with just my fingers.”

When her pussy lips had opened up enough for him to feel her clit, his fingers firmed up, then he started slowly rubbing over the thick layers of her suit. She cried out, but he kept his mouth too far for her to conceal her moans with.

“That’s it…” he breathed against her ear when she kept grinding. “You miss this, don’t you?”

“Yes!” She grabbed his hair and pulled to make the goodness ease up, but she was so fucking wet, she could hear it even from there. Y/N pressed her forehead against the bridge of his nose, then Jason started digging his teeth into whatever skin she had that was exposed near her jaw. “You’re mine…”

“Jason…”

Police sirens. Coming from outside the alley. They stopped and turned their heads to wherever the sounds came from.

When the car had passed, Crime Alley was empty.

-----

From above one of the buildings at Drescher, Red Hood and Deadshot stood over the ledge, watching the police frantically go about the city in search for them. They looked like ants from where they stood. Red Hood kept his hood on, but his visor was up.

Hands on their sides, feet on the ground as if ready to just jump onto the ledge from right across, they took in at how the city was, quite literally, at their feet. They weren’t welcome here. They were despised. But they were needed. In their own, sick little way.

Jason didn’t look at Y/N as he was the first to speak.

“I’m sorry,” he swallowed. “I don’t know what came over me…”

“It’s… Don’t apologize.”

Jason reached over to hold her arm, expecting the same rejection as before. Her pushing him away, backing off, leaving before anything else were to happen.

But she welcomed his touch. A flood of cool relief went over his body when she did. Y/N, without her mask on, closed her eyes and touched his hand with her fingers over his skin.

Then he pulled her closer until his arms were fully around her, encasing her into his chest. She did the same and hugged his neck so tightly, it didn’t even matter the suit he wore or the armor between them. Jason pressed their foreheads together, eyes closed, feeling her body, her warmth that he yearned for so much.

Hands on the sides of his face, thumb brushing over the brand on his cheek, Y/N broke down. “I’m sorry…”

“Stop that.”

“I made you lose everything…”

Jason pulled her even tighter, then his lips met her cool skin.

“Only when you left…”

He let go of her waist so he could look so deeply into her eyes with his hands holding onto her cheeks.

“If it’s what you want, I’ll leave you alone. For good. It’s your choice now…”

A tear down her face. She closed her eyes before any more could seep out and fall.

“But if you come over to the apartment tonight, I swear, I’ll never let you go again, no matter what you or anyone else does to keep us apart.”

She kissed him, lips unmoving yet still so powerful and silent. The cold Gotham winds couldn’t pull them apart. Nothing can. If she chooses not to…

When Jason left, she was at the rooftop for hours on end, fighting against herself for her own life.

-----

Not a single light turned on.

His eyes were bloodshot. From the past three bottles of booze he had at the side of his bed. The last one he’d thrown against the wall.

Encompassed with the same cloud of loneliness, defeat, helplessness that he had to succumb over the passing months, it had been hours. For just the slightest, yet slowest moment, he thought she would actually give in this time.

But he should have known. Her stubbornness. Her will. He never should have expected her to come.

Then, he guessed, this meant it was over.

Love. A fucking torment to his life he never should have given into.

Another bottle would help.

Still just a bit tipsy, Jason walked away from his bed, hand on the wall, then he walked over to the kitchen to grab one from the fridge. He tore the cap open with his bare hands and drank almost a third of it in one gulp.

Hands over the counter, he closed his eyes. This wasn’t the reality he had to face. It couldn’t possibly be.

He was so into his thoughts, he almost completely neglected the light coming in from the bathroom.

Jason walked over to the bathroom door to turn it off before going to bed.

Only to stop his tracks when he saw her, through the slightest creek of the open door, her back turned over with her hair undone and over her shoulders.

Fuck.

Y/N must’ve known he was watching.

Because she took off her suit, slipped it off her arms, then her bare back stared at him so deliciously perfect and waiting for his lips to kiss every part of it.

Fuuuuck.

And she took so long just fixing her hair, head ever so slightly turned to his direction. Jason stood frozen, jaw on the ground, then he swore he had to hold back a small yelp when she bent over to take her pants off, along with her underwear. She even arched up her back to make her body look even hotter than it already was.

Completely naked. Beautiful. Absolutely flawless. Y/N didn’t glance behind her when she walked over to the shower, then let the boiling hot steam fog up the air.

Fuck.

Yes.

Not too long after, Jason slipped out of his clothes, pulled the glass door of the shower open.

Then when Y/N looked over her shoulder, he shut it behind him.

 -----

MASTERLIST

THE BULLET MASTERLIST

-----

everyartistwas-firstanamateur  @sarcasmismyfirstlove @damned-queen-of-gotham @idkmanicantenglish @wunderstell @birdy-bat-riya @get-loki@everyday-imfangirling @comic-nerd-dc@multifandoms916 @icequeen208@offendedfishnoises@egdolan@xemiefx @arkhamtoddler@elsenthal@mythicbitchx@supremehaunter burning-alive  @lucy-roo  roseangel013bf @ loxbbg  reclusive-chicken-nuggethttp-cherriesshadowsndaisiesriver9noblezphilophobiazannoylinglyaries@knightfall05x @l-horizon11flowersgirl02

[prince-everhard]

Prince’s Whumptober 2020 masterpost

Gonna have links, titles, summaries, and all that jazz under a readmore because i decided to really push myself and do all 31 prompts separately. Thank you to everyone who liked and reblogged my work; your support means the world to me and makes me want to keep writing! 

multiparters here have been listed in chronological order rather than posting order for ease of reading. 

FAHC

No 1. LET’S HANG OUT SOMETIME Waking Up Restrained | Shackled | Hanging

Title: another duck joins the flock Fandom: FAHC Character(s): Geoff, Michael Rating: T Warning(s): blood, handcuffs Wordcount: 728 Summary: Or how the Fakes gained their most famous muscle. [tidied up/expanded this never-to-be-posted fahc wip for whumptober]

Naruto

No 2. IN THE HANDS OF THE ENEMY “Pick Who Dies” | Collars | Kidnapped

Title: and the worst part of waiting is the anticipation Fandom: Naruto Character(s): Team 7 Rating: T Warning(s): blood, vomit Wordcount: 951 Summary: Team Seven gets captured. [part of the whumptober au]

No 3. MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY Manhandled | Forced to their Knees | Held at Gunpoint

Title: A Teaching Moment Fandom: Naruto Character(s): Sakura, Kabuto Rating: T Warning(s): none Wordcount: 498 Summary: Kabuto makes her an offer she can’t refuse. [part of the whumptober au]

No 29. I THINK I NEED A DOCTOR Intubation | Emergency Room | Reluctant Bedrest

Title: Graduation Fandom: Naruto Character(s): Sakura, Kabuto, Rating: T+? Warning(s): blood Wordcount: 835 Summary: Kabuto has one more test before Sakura can be considered a true medic-nin. [part of the whumptober au]

No 15. INTO THE UNKNOWN Possession | Magical Healing | Science Gone Wrong

Title: Arboreal Fandom: Naruto Character(s): Sakura Rating: T Warning(s): needles Wordcount: 803 Summary: It was only a matter of time before Sakura found something that could help her escape. [part of the whumptober au]

No 9. FOR THE GREATER GOOD “Take Me Instead” | “Run!” | Ritual Sacrifice

Title: no good deed goes unpunished Fandom: Naruto Character(s): Naruto, Teuchi, Kyuubi Rating: T Warning(s): violence against children Wordcount: 972 Summary: Something goes wrong on his seventh birthday. Naruto might never be the same again.

No 26. IF YOU THOUGHT THE HEAD TRAUMA WAS BAD… Migraine | Concussion | Blindness

Title: Degradation Fandom: Naruto Character(s): Kakashi, Sakura, Naruto Rating: T Warning(s): dismemberment ment Wordcount: 187 Summary: Kakashi knows that power comes with a price.

Dragon Age

No 6. PLEASE…. “Get it Out” | No More | “Stop, please”

Title: Like Dogs Fandom: Dragon Age Character(s): Female Tabris, Shianni, Soris, Nelaros Rating: M Warning(s): implied/offscreen rape, violence against women, blood Wordcount: 1640 Summary: It was supposed to be a good thing, getting married. It wasn’t. [this is really just a love letter to the origin that fucking shooketh me]

No 19. BROKEN HEARTS Grief | Mourning Loved One | Survivor’s Guilt

Title: all’s fair but war is not without casualties Fandom: Dragon Age Character(s)/Pairing(s): Female Cousland, Alistair; ex-Alistair/Warden Rating: T Warning(s): none Wordcount: 695 Summary: Ten years after the Blight ends, Elissa Cousland runs into someone she never thought she’d see again. It, uh, doesn’t go quite as planned. [mostly canon compliant; Loghain is spared and becomes a warden]

No 11. PSYCH 101 Defiance | Struggling | Crying

Title: Duty Fandom: Dragon Age Character(s): Female Cousland, Eleanor, Bryce Rating: T Warning(s): blood, betrayal, last stand Wordcount: 633 Summary: Even without interference, history marches on. A what-if scenario if Duncan wasn’t there to recruit the Cousland. [part of iron & ash]

No 23. WHAT’S A WHUMPEE GOTTA DO TO GET SOME SLEEP AROUND HERE? Exhaustion | Narcolepsy | Sleep Deprivation

Title: To Ostagar Fandom: Dragon Age Character(s): Female Cousland Rating: T Warning(s): none Wordcount: 545 Summary: Jasmine is determined to get vengeance for her family. [part of iron & ash]

No 14. IS SOMETHING BURNING? Branding | Heat Exhaustion | Fire

Title: Consequences Fandom: Dragon Age Character(s): Female Surana Rating: T Warning(s): none Wordcount: 368 Summary: Surana helps her best friend escape the Circle, and the consequences are more than she bargained for.

No 21. I DON’T FEEL SO WELL Chronic Pain | Hypothermia | Infection

Title: Corrupted Fandom: Dragon Age Character(s): Female Mahariel, Duncan Rating: Gen Warning(s): none Wordcount: 192 Summary: It’s a long journey from the Brecilian Forest to Ostagar for someone with blight sickness.

No 31. TODAY’S SPECIAL: TORTURE Experiment | Whipped | Left for Dead

Title: Big Sister Instinct Fandom: Dragon Age Character(s): Female Hawke, Unnamed Templars Rating: T Warning(s): torture, violence against women Wordcount: 325 Summary: Marian Hawke would rather die than betray her family. She might even just get the chance to do it.

Mass Effect

No 4. RUNNING OUT OF TIME Caged | Buried Alive | Collapsed Building

Title: never forget to bury your regret (before it buries you) Fandom: Mass Effect Character(s): Male Shepard, Human OC Rating: T Warning(s): cave-in, blood, character death Wordcount: 450 Summary: Survival training goes south in the ICT.

No 7. I’VE GOT YOU Support | Carrying | Enemy to Caretaker

Title: First Contact Fandom: Mass Effect Character(s): Turian OC, Human OC Rating: T Warning(s): injuries, broken bones, vomit, vehicular crash Wordcount: 1150 Summary: Decimus isn’t ready to die, but he’s especially not ready to die on a stupid scouting mission to a stupid alien colony. [set during the First Contact War; probably not canon-compliant but idgaf]

No 18. PANIC! AT THE DISCO Panic Attacks | Phobias | Paranoia

Title: what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger (and what does makes you scarred forever) Fandom: Mass Effect Character(s): Female Shepard, Edi, Tali’Zorah, Garrus Vakarian Rating: T Warning(s): panic attack, open space Wordcount: 662 Summary: Shepard isn’t afraid of getting spaced. No, really. [a closer look at the geth dreadnought mission]

No 28. SUCH WOW. MANY NORMAL. VERY OOPS. Accidents | Hunting Season | Mugged

Title: Torfan Fandom: Mass Effect Character(s): Female Shepard, Major Kyle Rating: T Warning(s): blood, guns, drugging Wordcount: 589 Summary: How the Butcher came to be.

No 25. I THINK I’LL JUST COLLAPSE RIGHT HERE, THANKS Disorientation | Blurred Vision | Ringing Ears

Title: Rest Fandom: Mass Effect Character(s)/Pairing(s): Female Shepard, Anderson; referenced Shepard/Vega Rating: T Warning(s): blood, character death Wordcount: 1018 Summary: A father-daughter moment after they open the arms of the Citadel. [part of Alder]

No 5. WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING? On the Run | Failed Escape | Rescue

Title: they found you on the floor Fandom: Mass Effect Character(s): Female Shepard Rating: T Warning(s): alcohol, vomit, underage drinking Wordcount: 348 Summary: Like mother like daughter; Shepard deals with her trauma after Mindoir. [part of Gloria Shepard]

No 22. DO THESE TACOS TASTE FUNNY TO YOU? Poisoned | Drugged | Withdrawal

Title: there’s easier ways to die Fandom: Mass Effect Character(s): Female Shepard, Ashley Williams Rating: T Warning(s): DTs, vomit mention Wordcount: 368 Summary: Shepard takes a stand against her own demons. [part of Gloria Shepard]

No 17. I DID NOT SEE THAT COMING Blackmail | Dirty Secret | Wrongfully Accused

Title: you crawled up on your cross Fandom: Mass Effect Character(s): Female Shepard, Jacob Taylor Rating: T Warning(s): alcohol Wordcount: 645 Summary: Shepard gets a morale boost from a crewmate. [part of Gloria Shepard]

No 16. A TERRIBLE, HORRIBLE, NO GOOD, VERY BAD DAY Forced to Beg | Hallucinations | Shoot the Hostage

Title: Cornered Fandom: Mass Effect Character(s): Garrus, Female Shepard Rating: T Warning(s): broken bones Wordcount: 1281 Summary: Garrus gets into some trouble. [part of the omega non-reaper au]

No 20. TOTO, I HAVE A FEELING WE’RE NOT IN KANSAS ANYMORE Lost | Field Medicine | Medieval

Title: Ancient History Fandom: Mass Effect Character(s): Female Shepard, Garrus Rating: T Warning(s): injuries, death, self-destructive/suicidal actions Wordcount: 1223 Summary: Jane is an enigma and Garrus just wants to figure her out. [part of the omega non-reaper au]

No 8. WHERE DID EVERYBODY GO? “Don’t Say Goodbye” | Abandoned | Isolation

Title: After Fandom: Mass Effect Character(s): Garrus, Female Shepard Rating: T Warning(s): injuries, death Wordcount: 440 Summary: Jane comes for Garrus after the gangs’ assault. [part of the omega non-reaper au]

No 30. NOW WHERE DID THAT COME FROM? Wound Reveal | Ignoring an Injury | Internal Organ Injury

Title: Debt Fandom: Mass Effect Character(s)/Pairing(s): Garrus, Female Shepard, Mordin; mutual pining Shakarian Rating: T Warning(s): painkillers Wordcount: 590 Summary: After the gangs’ assault, Garrus overhears something. [part of the omega non-reaper au]

Undertale

No 13. BREATHE IN BREATHE OUT Delayed Drowning | Chemical Pneumonia | Oxygen Mask

Title: Drowning Fandom: Undertale Character(s): Toriel, Asgore Rating: T Warning(s): character death, child death Wordcount: 156 Summary: Asriel brought Chara home one last time.

[replacing no. 27] Alt 7. Found Family

Title: The Door Fandom: Undertale Character(s): Frisk, Papyrus, Sans Rating: Gen Warning(s): none Wordcount: 357 Summary: Just a little look at what could be a meeting with Gaster

Red vs Blue

No 12. I THINK I’VE BROKEN SOMETHING Broken Down | Broken Bones | Broken Trust

Title: Being a twin is a Hard Thing Fandom: Red vs Blue Character(s): South Dakota Rating: T Warning(s): psychological trauma Wordcount: 281 Summary: In the days before Wash finds them, South gets… introspective. [canon compliant? taken from a wip I was never going to finish so I fleshed it out for whumptober instead]

Original Fiction

No 10. THEY LOOK SO PRETTY WHEN THEY BLEED Blood Loss | Internal Bleeding | Trail of Blood

Title: please leave a message Rating: T Warning(s): blood Wordcount: 537 Summary: A detective’s work is never done. Antonia deals with the news that her most famous case’s subject is on the run again. [original fiction]

No 24. YOU’RE NOT MAKING ANY SENSE Forced Mutism | Blindfolded | Sensory Deprivation

Title: Secondary Location Rating: Gen? Warning(s): kidnapping Wordcount: 143 Summary: Antonia wakes up on the wrong side of the city. [original fiction]

[santheweird]

Hey Sarge! (Chapter 6)

Summary: Due to the lack of jobs because of World War 2, Alexander Sami Hale joined the army to keep her family’s head above the water.

She falsified her enlistment form, convincing the officials that she was actually a boy named Alexander Hale.

When her sergeant, James Barnes, was captured by the German forces during a battle in Azzano, Alex went AWOL to aid a man named Steve Rogers to rescue his best friend.

This is her story.

Warnings: War flashbacks, mentions of PTSD, survivor's guilt

~

It was easy to find the two who had stormed the commands tent.

A day after the 107th came back from Azzano battle-weary and in low spirits, some sort of USO troop came to camp. Alex wasn't there, but apparently some man named Captain America came to talk to the troops and “raise their morale”. Alex guessed that it didn't work, but she heard that the soldiers had a ball of time bullying poor Cappy off the stage.

Since she had never seen that blond before, she had her suspicions that that man came from the USO troop circuit, so after gathering what she might need, she headed towards the backstage of the ridiculous looking stage at the edge of the base camp.

Convincing them to bring her along was a whole ‘nother thing though.

Alex swallowed thickly at the twin looks of surprise directed at her after she voiced her request.

The female officer spoke first. “I know that we should be the last ones to tell you that you’re planning on doing something extremely reckless, but we’re going to have to say no.”

Alex stamped down a wave of indignation. “Why?”

“You’re injured, and you just came back from a terrible battle a few days ago. You should focus on resting up and recuperating-”

“With all due respect Ma’am, I’ve done enough resting.” Alex interrupted. “And recuperating. And thinking. I’m not gonna sit here all day moping over our defeat when hundreds of our comrades are locked up as prisoners and suffering. Barnes saved my sorry ass, and I’m not going to let this-” Alex gestured at her bandaged face and arm. “Get in the way of rescuing him.”

“You know Bucky?” The man spoke for the first time since Alex entered the tent.

She nodded. “I’m from the 107th. He’s my sergeant. You know him, right?”

“Yeah.” The blond pressed his lips into a firm line.

“You wanna save him, right?”

“Of course!”

“Then bring me with you.” Alex begged. Under the bandages on her face, the still healing skin stretched painfully, but she ignored it, determined to convince the two to let her tag along. “Like what Phillips said, the prisoners are in a heavily fortified fortress with some of the best defense systems in the country. You’re gonna need all the help you can get.”

The two turned to each other, and a silent conversation seemed to transpire between the pair. After a brief moment of silence, before they both looked away.

“You’re right. We won’t be able to pull it off without any help.” The man trained his eyes on Alex. “But if you do this, you will get in trouble for straying.”

Alex returned his gaze. “I don’t care. Bucky risked his life to save mine. I’m willing to do the same for him.”

The man nodded in acknowledgment, a trace of regard in his eyes.

“If the both of you are done posturing, we have to go now.” The female officer spoke, clearing her throat. “I know someone who can take us to the enemy base, but we’ll have to go before anyone catches us leaving.

Alex let the corners of her mouth twitch up slightly. “I’m Alexander Hale.”

“Peggy Carter. Pleased to meet you.”

“And I’m Steve Rogers.” The man picked up the pack and shield(?) at his feet.

Alex frowned at the familiar name.

“Steve Rogers? As in-” Her eyes widened. “YOU’RE THAT STEVE ROGERS?”

~commercial break~

(Lmao jk)

It was actually a good thing that Carter and Rogers decided to allow Alex to tag along. If they didn’t, Alex would have headed to the enemy fortress by herself, distance be damned. The thing was that since half of her rifle was obliterated by a deadly beam of blue light back in Azzano, Alex would have been diving head first into the base with only an old and slightly rusted revolver.

Good thing that wasn’t the case.

Carter supplied her with another rifle that didn’t seem prone to jamming halfway through battle, along with a small-ish knife which might come in useful. Rogers refused any weapons and instead brought a thin, kite-shaped aluminium shield ridiculously decorated with stars and stripes.

(She later learned that it was actually a stage prop and not an actual shield.)

Shortly after Carter had briefed them on the location of the German base and gave them a transponder to contact them for extraction, anti-aircraft guns had started shooting at them. Immediately forgoing the initial plan of letting the plane take them all the way to the enemy base itself, Rogers had bullheadedly decided to jump out of the plane into the surrounding forest instead. It was stupid, since there was a higher chance of getting impaled by a branch hidden by the darkness, but Alex understood that he did it so that the pilot would be able to steer the plane safely out of the enemy airspace.

It didn’t stop her from cussing at Rogers in her head though.

When they finally landed on the ground (Rogers was terrible at steering a parachute), Alex fiercely yanked the man down to the ground as a line of trucks rumbled past. Their breathing felt extremely loud for once, and Alex half thought that the sound would give them away. It thankfully (and obviously) didn’t, but Alex still warned Rogers to stay down low.

She grabbed a fistful of mud from the ground and smeared it all over the shield strapped to his back. The colour had been bothering her for a while now, and the red, white and blue was practically a beacon to any enemy soldiers out there.

“Follow my movements as we head to the base.” She whispered. “Go down when I go down, and only move forward when it’s all clear. Always stay in a crouch, and never stand unless absolutely necessary.”

Rogers nodded wordlessly, but Alex still kept a close eyes on him just in case.

As they moved silently under the cover of the darkness, Alex observed him through the corner of her eye. Rogers moved as if he was used to being small and not to attract attention. There was also a certain...clumsiness to the way he moved. Like a toddler. He still did a good job in hiding his enormous build and bulk though.

Either way, Alex was still confused as to why Bucky had said that she was so similar to Steve Roger. Not in temperament, but physically.

She filed her questions away for later, and there was several moments of tense and almost palpable silence before Rogers spoke up.

“Those trucks were heading to the HYDRA base.”

“Yeah.” HYDRA?

“Think we can hitch a ride?”

Alex stopped abruptly. Rogers didn’t manage to catch himself in time and nearly bumped into her.

“What do you mean ‘hitch a ride’?” She muttered, her brain working a mile a minute.

“There’s another line of those trucks coming up behind us soon. If we manage to get into the one at the back, it’ll save us a lot more time and let us get into the base.”

Alex cocked her head to the side, and sure enough, she could hear a faint rumble of engines coming up through the forest. How did he manage to hear them from so far away? She mulled over his proposed plan for a bit, and shrugged. It should be feasible, and saved them from the later headache of trying to go through the fortified security of the area.

They ducked behind some bushes as the sound of engines grew louder. They waited until the second-last truck barely rumbled past, before Rogers whispered a barely audible ‘Now!’ and they raced across to the back of the last truck, grabbing hold of the back of the cargo bed and hauling themselves under the tonneau.

Alex exhaled, and looked up. Two enemy soldiers stared back at them.

It was to be expected, really.

When the enemy soldiers charged, Rogers automatically went for the one on the right, leaving Alex to deal with the one on the left. Before he could fire, Alex shoved the barrel of his gun upwards and rammed her elbow into his stomach.

The soldier folded in into himself with a groan. She wrenched the gun away from him completely, and slammed the butt of the gun to his head, knocking him out.

Alex's shoulder twinged painfully and she scowled, hoping that the stitching wouldn't come out in the middle of this operation. They were in enough danger as of now, she didn't need her injuries fucking up everything.

Rogers peeked through the gaps between the cloth, the second guard similarly knocked out at his feet. Before tying the two guards up, Alex stripped one of them of their outerwear, putting it on over her old, tattered, blood-stained uniform. She picked up the gun that was dropped, and bile rose in her throat when she recognised the blue gleam on it.

It was the same type of gun which had wiped out more than half of the regiment. It obviously wasn’t the exact same one which had killed her friends, but seeing it up close in her hands suddenly made her think of their agonized screams when they disappeared into dust, the entire battlefield full of the sharp, strong smell of burnt human flesh. Layers of thickened petrol on her hands and face, scorching hot and suffocating, the air so thick with fumes that she was practically choking-

“-ale? Hale?!”

Alex jerked her head upwards, wide-eyed and trembling. The gun in her hands had dropped to the floor again and she was clutching at the bandages on the side of her face. The truck was slowing down, and Rogers was a few inches away from her, a hand outstretched.

Alex jerked away from the concerned hand. “Don’t touch me.” She gripped her hands to stop them from shaking. “Please, don’t.”

The man withdrew his hand immediately, concern etched on his face. Alex turned away. She yanked the guard’s helmet off his head and onto hers, completing her imperfect disguise. The visor in front covered up her bandages completely, which was a relief. She had covered it with camouflage paint to prevent the stark white from showing up in the darkness of the forest, but it would seem more conspicuous in the factory than in the foliage.

“What- why… what are you… doing?” Rogers gestured at Alex’s outfit, the uniform bulging out at awkward places due to the bulk of other clothes underneath.

Alex flipped the visor up, trying to plaster a smile on her face. It looked more like a grimace. “Not sure about you, but I don’t think I would like running around in the enemy base in an American uniform.” She joked weakly, adjusting the helmet.

He was about to open his mouth to reply, but the truck slowed to a stop. They snapped their gaze towards the back of the truck, where a soldier might yank open the tonneau and reveal the two stowaways inside. Rogers took off the shield on his back and slowly slid it onto his arm, moving to the left of the entrance. Alex flanked the right.

They stayed there, waiting, until Rogers tilted his head slightly, as if trying to hear something.

“There’s someone approaching. Just one person though.”

Before Alex could even ask how the hell he knew that, the cloth was pulled open. And Steve Rogers smacked the shield right on the poor guy’s face.

Alex reached out and grabbed the the straps on the man’s uniform before he could fall to the ground. With a grunt, she pulled the unconscious body into the truck as Rogers kept a lookout. After gagging and tying up all three of the soldiers, she jumped out of the truck lightly after Rogers, ducking into the shadows as they swiftly made their way into the depths of the factory.

~

Finding out where the prisoners were kept was so laughingly easy that Alex had a brief thought at the back of her mind that they were walking into a trap. She had distracted a guard in her disguise as Rogers snuck up behind him and grabbed him. The soldier gave them the location in stuttered, broken English, before they left him bound and gagged behind a pile of boxes in a dark corner.

As she fished out the ring of keys that she found from another unconscious guard’s pocket, Alex half thought that a group of enemy soldiers would jump out from several hiding places ad open fire on them.

As Rogers spoke to the P.O.Ws in the cells, Alex tried every single key on the ring to find out which was the right fit. She cursed when her vision blurred slightly and missed the keyhole.

“Hale, you alright?” Rogers asked, his voice low.

“Yeah, it’s just-” She made a noise of triumph when a key finally turned in the lock with a satisfying click.

Alex steadily worked on all the other cell doors as Rogers gathered the soldiers round. There was a diverse mix of Allied soldiers all around, and they murmured quietly amongst themselves to avoid making too much noise.

When she unlocked the final cell, Alex looked up and relief rushed through her at the sight of two familiar faces.

“Dugan! Jones!”

Gabe Jones was the first to recognize her voice. “Alex? What are you doing here? And in that uniform?”

A grin spread across her face as she took off her helmet. “It’s just a disguise. Cap’n America himself wanted to break in to rescue everyone, and I couldn’t just sit still-”

“Christ, kid! What happened to your face?”

Alex scratched the back of her neck awkwardly. “Don’t worry bout it, mostly stupidity on my part.” She scanned the sea of faces briefly. “Where’s Sarge?”

Their expressions changed. Dugan and Jones glanced at each other, their features unreadable.

“What? What’s wrong?”

Before either one could answer, a voice commanded the attention of everyone in the room.

“All right. The tree line is northwest, 80 yards past the gate.” His voice was low and hurried. “Get out fast and give 'em hell. I'll meet you guys in the clearing with anybody else I find.”

“Wait, you know what you're doing?”

“Yeah. I've knocked out Adolf Hitler over 200 times.”

Alex doubted that. Without a word to Dugan and Jones, she silently slipped away after Rogers. He startled when she fell into step with him a few minutes later.

“Do you actually know where to go?”

A pause. “No.”

Alex snorted, before fixing the helmet back over her head. “Guess we’ll have to ask someone again for directions.”

~

Notes:

- Well, shit. Please don't kill me about the terrible update intervals.

- I'm working on trying to be more consistent, and setting proper goals for myself. At the moment, I have to force myself to see that I'm only able to update once a month, although I'm itching to try to finish and upload a chapter every week.

- I got a good friend of mine to beta read for me, and also to provide a fresh perspective into my chapters, so that I can continue to upload quality works for all you wonderful people! (And also cause my tenses need a lot of work)

- However, she's a student, like me. We both have our responsibilities, and I really don't want to pressure her into meticulously reading through this story when she's already stressed out by other things. That's why there might be a slight delay between chapter updates and the like. We're sticking to monthly updates for now, but there might be slight changes when our timetables change or when exams arrive.

- (this is the February update btw)

- I'm also working on a bit of a buffer for between uploads so that if anything happens, at least I'll still be able to upload a chapter for the month!

- Alright, now to talk about the chapter!

- I have to admit, this is not my best chapter, and I really wish that I could edit this better, but the more I look at it, the more I hit a blank wall.

- Having to adhere to movie canon and what actually goes on in the scenes were more difficult than I thought, but I've dug my grave and I'm going to lie in it. It's what I planned on, it's what I'm gonna do.

- (And also because I rewrote this thing three times (not including scene rewrites) and I don't wanna work on it anymore. The more this sits in the 'not uploaded yet' pile, the more I want to sink into my pillows and scream.)

- To be honest, this chapter is more of a filler than anything. Just to establish Steve and Alex's encounter and relationship and impressions of each other.

- In army squadrons, there are different roles for each soldier. Alex is the scout, which is why she knows how to sneak around in a forest undetected. The disguise part is more of a 'done on a whim' sorta thing, but it still works.

- I haven't placed much emphasis on Alex's injuries (burn and shrapnel wounds hurt like a fucking bitch) but they are plot relevant in the series. Not just for the next chapter, but also further on as the story progresses.

- That's about all I have for now! Hope you enjoyed, and hit me up at the ask box for anything you wanna tell me!

- (Also the formatting might be fucked up since I'm doing this on mobile. Will edit properly later on)

Tags:

@mizz-kraziii @cami23593 @beautiful-aravis @buckybarnesneedscuddles @dottirose @katykyll @frittiefries @chipilerendi @fandomsandahintofmagic @jaditestuff @nxxdyh @myrabbitholetoneverland

Chapter 5 Chapter 7

Masterlist

[jojotier]

Really quick update on random projects I have going on for gk fics, under the cut so as to not take up too much space:

- On The Subject Of Character Bombs, like I’m planning with Tsukishima- Honestly it’s a toss up on when this first character bomb will be done, just bc one of the five fics to be uploaded at once (Frost Heart, a story taking place in siren au) is getting up to 8-10k in length, and I wanna keep it a oneshot

- I may replace Frost Heart for the moment with a second TsukiKoi canon divergent oneshot idea I’ve had, Tightrope, which includes Koito tightrope walking Tsukishima to safety over a ravine

- For now the plan for TsukiBomb is:

1. Eat Up: Heiji Koito, in Sado for a military parade, confounds everyone when he glosses over dozens of noble families and seemingly snubs military kids by inviting Tsukishima, the hated son of a murderer, to eat with him instead. Also includes Baby Otonoshin, aka the Grumpiest Infant Alive

2. Update on the Tsukishima with Dog fic but it’s kinda become a Monty Python skit because Ogata is inexplicably stuck in a tree. He won’t say he’s stuck though. Mostly an exercise in walking the thin line between Tsukishima’s survivor guilt upon meeting Tsurumi again after months and seeing that the brain damage is still being treated, his rightful bitterness over the military venture and essentially being used, and a lighthearted tone to keep it from slipping too far into despair. 

3. A vaguely canon-divergent fic where Tsukishima defects to Sugimoto’s group, set after 190; told from Shiraishi’s POV as he kinda tries to help Tsukishima with the obvious existential crisis he’s going through with a lot of vaguely disarming talk and a drop of alcohol. Also focuses on Sugimoto and Asirpa, with their sibling relationship and the connection they have, untainted by Sugimoto’s brain injury and acting as a foil to Tsukishima’s implied thoughts about Tsurumi, since I’m versed in neuroanatomy and know for a FACT that the same injury isn’t going to cause the exact same effects, particularly when the base personalities are different

4. The second half of that TsukiKoi modern boxer’s au- much less trauma on Tsukishima’s end, a lot more lighthearted banter, and Koito being encouraging in his kind roundabout way as he tells Tsukishima to stop giving those weaksauce punches Jesus Fuck give me all you HAVE already

5. Frost Heart, which goes over Tsukishima’s sudden introduction into the world of magic, Harry Potter style. Kind of. I mean, there’s no magic school, and he doesn’t even know he has magic. He meets a mermaid Igogusa, they help each other survive as they learn more about the other’s species, and he slowly learns that he has an innate ability over water magic, bit by bit. Which is a bit complicated, since as a kid, Tsukishima is deathly afraid of deep, open water... It’s a mild coming of age story, basically, with a lot of magic elements, and it’s a balancing act, since Tsukishima’s father lurks always just off screen... 

- I do want to do similar “Character Bombs” in the future, where I drop like 5-7 fics all at once centered around one character, and the next one I wanna do is Asirpa- but that one’s taking me a long while, because I want to do some canon compliant things with her exclusively with other Ainu characters, and it’s taking a lot of research and careful review of ideas. I’ve already revised or outright scrapped quite a few ideas, but one that I’m sure of is one where a little Ekasiotonpuy (Asirpa) spends time with Inkarmat, telling stories and teaching magic...

- Another is “Ozoni Wars”, a modern little ditty where Shiraishi and Sugimoto compete with two different styles of ozoni to impress our young judge Asirpa and her Huci, trying to prove that either Kanto or Kansai style is OBVIOUSLY the best kind of ozoni. Might be SugiShira, but probably not, just to focus it more on Asirpa

- The more immediate project that you might see update in the next few days is Vainglory, with more SugiShira shenanigans! More magic! Kumagashi trying to come through and trade a seemingly powerful artifact for an Ainu artifact produced centuries ago (protected and kept new by magic, of course), meeting carefully mistrusting eyes from quite a few in the kotan...

- Another one you may see in the next month is a new Sinfonietta Paper for siren au, centered around both TsukiKoi and the golden trio separately coming to hunt down the same magic sea creature- a sandbar hag, leagues long and only coming from the depths of the ocean once every 25 years- one group to plunder a few of the magical artifacts on its long back, the other to take a strip of tail meat...

- I wanna do an Edogai centric fic exploring how he began his grisly “hobby”, the beginning scene based in part off of the time I went to a cadaver lab and worked with the dead bodies when I was 17. I’ll never forget that med student who flippantly told me that oil based soap gets the smell off your hands, or how giddy the instructor looked while pulling up those mostly mummified intestines...

- I currently have two out of three possible choice paths fully planned out for Phase 2 of the Starchasers upload- it’s taken a bit, mostly because I’m trying to determine which items a reader doesn’t necessarily have to find to reach a good ending at the end of Phase 4 and what options may lead to a reader having a harder time in Phases 3 and 4, elevating the struggle to reach at least one of the Good Ends- it’s not impossible, it’s just a little more difficult, depending on what you’ve chosen previously

- Of Phase 2 the trees I have fully planned, with the list of possible chapters, are the First One where Sugimoto and co. are outside the space station and choose whether to wait for something to pass or explore immediately and ending with landing inside the station, and the Wait path, stemming from if you choose for Sugimoto and co. wait for whatever might be outside the ship (if there’s anything) to come into view or pass.

- I just have the “Explore Immediately” tree of branching options to plan out for phase 2 and then I can start writing in earnest. 

- I’ve also decided to implement a “morality” system which more or less decides whether or not Sugimoto is allowed to adopt Asirpa as family by the end and am planning a possible SugiShira dating sim element to later phases

- Formatting for Phase 1 is going to be a Bitch, so I’ve decided to put up a checkpoint chapter that will be deleted once all the text has been officially uploaded, after which I’ll start linking all the chapters together

- Art is hard. But I’m doing it. I’ll do it for you, Starchasers

[scuttleboat]

If you're still up for it, i'm curious if you have any thoughts on what Bellamy's overall journey will be this season? Aside from, y'know, his whole (imo, unnecessary) redemption arc.

note: written after 406 

I think we’re in the middle of it, and one of the things that has been somewhat frustrating is that it’s kind of muddy what either Clarke or Bellamy’s character arcs are going to be. We’re halfway through, but neither of them have developed much or changed much since 403.  Octavia’s loss seemed like it would be significant but we still don’t know what the fallout will be for Bellamy.

Redemption in The 100

The concept of redemption is something that I think we as viewers have been hashing over since the first truly terrible things began to happen in season 2. We ask: 

Do these characters need to be redeemed? 

Is a redemption happening on screen?  

Even if we (the fans) may not think a “redemption arc” is required to like a character’s storyline, does that character themselves feel that they need to be redeemed in order to sleep at night?

What are the benchmarks of a “redemption arc” anyway, since it’s a thing that everyone talks about, yet seems to mean radically different things to different viewers.

Do we measure it by the religious ideas of penitence, atonement, etc? Or is there a pop fiction criteria for redemption that is unique to media, such as ‘feeling bad and doing something good so that the viewers are okay rooting for you again’?

Is a “redemption” possible in the accelerated timeline of the show, since on other series such a thing spans seasons or even the run of a series?

Why is everyone so sure that redemption arcs are happening or necessary?

And the one that gets to me:

Does the show even care about redemption as a storytelling trope, or is it enough in this world just to change one’s behavior?

That’s the one i think about a lot, wrt to characters like Bellamy, Lexa, Clarke, Kane, Jaha… who I’ll draw on since they’re some of the people with the highest body counts who are POV characters. With Clarke, she was devastated after 216, and she disappeared into the woods for 3 months. I think it was a conversation I had with @reblogginhood (so informative! she knows things.) last year about whether this period of forced isolation (similar to her year in the skybox) was her atonement for the deaths she allowed or caused in season 2.  In that case, her guilt was such that she seemed to need to punish herself, and the timeline of the series allowed for it.  

Lexa is a different case altogether: she tried to slaughter the kids at the dropship, she betrayed her allies and left them to be cannibalized, including the person she was falling in love with.  And yet, Lexa never displayed any indicators that she was undergoing a redemption arc, or even that she felt obligated to undergo one. I don’t think betraying Skaikru was a light decision for her by any means, and I think when she decided to protect them in s3 that it was a genuine move. Yet she never wept for the loss of life she caused, she never broke down and screamed and cried over her guilt…it wasn’t even clear that she felt any guilt at all. Responsibility yes, guilt no. She was a divine king doing what she need to protect her realm.  

Kane is another character who seems to feel, like Clarke, that atonement is required for ill deeds. He tries to sacrifice himself at the end of season 1, but Jaha “beats him to it”.  So Kane submits himself to the enemy in a dangerous self-sacrificing gesture in season 2, as his way to atone. That can be read as his redemption… maybe. Or is his redemption not the sacrifices, but actually the acts of good works that followed later? Was Kane’s redemption (for being part of a tyrranical Ark government) actually the choice to become a leader who acts in good faith, wisdom, and honor? Maybe he’s living that redemption every day, doing his best.

So maybe a character either thinks they need to atone or they don’t, what does “the narrative” think?  HA. TRICK QUESTION.  No one knows but JR and it’s up to us to read it and think it over. Fuck JR, go with “death of the author” if you want. In fact, I want to throw 2 definitions out here before I continue. These are, of course, overly simplistic explanations for complex theological and philosophical concepts, but it might help:

atonment - noun

satisfaction or reparation for a wrong or injury; amends.

(sometimes initial capital letter) Theology. the doctrine concerning the reconciliation of God and humankind, especially as accomplished through the life, suffering, and death of Christ.

Archaic. reconciliation; agreement.

redemption - noun

an act of redeeming or atoning for a fault or mistake, or the state of being redeemed.

deliverance; rescue.

Theology. deliverance from sin; salvation.

atonement for guilt.

recovery by payment, as of something pledged.

For a lot of fans on a show this violent and this philosophical, there’s been discussion that a redemption comes “too soon” or isn’t “earned” if there isnt an act of atonement. Or sometimes people say the word “redemption” but they seem to be discussing atonement instead. paying for it, making amends, etc.  And often people talk as if the only way to “be redeemed” is by suffering.  There’s also, however, the concept that redemption comes through good works.  That we make amends for our misdeeds by choosing to do better. There are some acts that are too big to atone for, or there’s no one left to make amends to, and in that case one has to look instead to changing one’s behavior.  Making the choice to change.

And that’s brings me to Bellamy this season… [read more below the cut]

In 401 Kane told Bellamy to take it one day at a time (paraphrasing). Instead of obsessing about the past, make sure you do the right thing going forward, and this will ‘save’ you. While I know the Kane speech didn’t land well with everyone, in the abstract it’s a pretty well travelled philosophical idea. [[I don’t have the education to really get into it, but it’s a big part of some Christian dogma, for sure. I don’t have any education in Judaism but since JR is religious I’m sure that may factor in. And it’s part of American culture, which is where I (raging atheist) have absorbed it by osmosis.]]  When it comes to Bellamy’s character in season 4, especially with regards to a possible redemption… I think Bellamy wants very badly to atone. I think he has wanted that since 311-313 when he finally accepted that his actions were wrong according to his moral perspective. 

However, Bellamy is a very practical person. He doesn’t have time to run into the woods and atone in silent suffering. He doesn’t have time to go on a quest into the desert with 12 disciples looking for the promised land. Bellamy is cognizant of the immediate danger to his loved ones, so he’s going to act to protect them before he’s going to think about indulging in huge dramatic gestures of his sadness. Haters might want him to suffer but that’s just not realistic for this show. The most he can afford right now is to try to talk about his feelings (like to Riley and Echo in 405) or to put others before himself (like not wanting to be on the survivor list). There’s also the pressing matter that even if Bellamy were to do a big sacrificial gesture to atone and to earn redemption through suffering… that won’t help his sister live, and making sure Octavia survives matters a hell of a lot more to Bellamy than his self-image.

So is Bellamy going through a “redemption arc” right now?  Maybe. I don’t think he’s going through atonement, but I do think he’s trying to make wiser choices each day. I think he’s committing, as best he can, to save as many people he can each day (402), and he’s hoping that he’ll find some distant redemption by doing that. (if he’s even consciously thinking of it in those terms, which isn’t at all canon spoken, btw, so he might not be. He’s not trained in ethics or theology.)

What I think Bellamy is going through this season so far is a guilt arc.  He was in it for the back half of season 3, and he’s still in it. As things stand right now, I would like to think that his speech to Useless Riley in 405 was a wrap-up fo that. I felt guilt was pretty appropriate in 3B and starting season 4, since the writers have been trying to write their way back from their dumbfuck execution of his arc in 3a, but if he stays mired guilt for all season 4… that’s pretty one-note. I’m ready for that part of his character to move to the backburner. Not go away (lol this is The 100 after all), but no longer be the first bullet point on his character sheet every episode. I was with it up to a couple weeks ago, but this is mid season now!  I get it, Bellamy feels guilty.  Cool beans, BUT WHAT ELSE?  It’s definitely time for the writers to give him more to do emotionally.  As it is, though, I don’t think the show will let Bellamy move on until they let Octavia move on. That’s how it goes with the Blake siblings– when Octavia forgives Bellamy, he’ll be more able to forgive himself.  And that’s a totally fucked up thing to hinge one’s personal development on someone else…but these are the Blakes. They have a fucked up relationship. And before anyone asks, I’m not gonna get into whether it’s likely for Octavia to have or need a redemption arc because she’s is still in her emotional descent, and we don’t know what the other side is gonna be yet. Her collapse is in process.

To circle back around… I think one could make a really sound argument that  some characters see redemption as necessary (Clarke, Abby) and others don’t (Lexa, Murphy). So I don’t personally think that @the100writers feel it’s necessary every time. I think they’ve written a whole cast of people doing bad things, and some of those people are going to feel they have to make up for their mistakes, while others don’t. Whether or not that matches with what fans want to believe about their faves (Bellamy, Lexa, Murphy, Clarke) is always going to be up in the air.  IMO, it’s in-character for Bellamy to want to make amends, but it’s a fact of their world that he doesn’t have the opportunity. So he’s doing what he can one day at a time. Whether or not other fans think his actions require guilt or amends–and whether or not such things are being successfully shown on screen–is down to how we each interpret the show, and what unique circumstances we bring to our viewing experiences. In that vein, macro perspectives about whether giving a particular storyline to a particular character is an act of contributing to sex- or race-biased storytelling is also going to hugely depend on what what each viewer brings to the table, because not all of us see the same patterns at work.  And it runs into the storytelling reality that characters in spotlight roles means that they’re going to be faced with conflicts, negative circumstances, and ethical dilemmas. There’s supposedly no good guys on this show, so that means all of our faves are gonna do–and endure–terrible things.  Kill the idea that anyone here is a cupcake.*  People are going to die and people are going to kill, even people we think should be portrayed as noble or good. So it’s up to each viewer to look critically at a work of fiction, and talk about it, while at the same time understanding that at the end of the day no individual show or book or film is going to be everything we want, politically.  Whether or not we keep watching when a personal line is crossed is up to each of us to decide.

btw I think a lot of my opinions here about Bellamy’s s4 arc have been shaped by discussion I’ve had this season with other fans, so thanks for talking to me about Bellamy angst. Especially @mego42 and @storyskein and @velvet-tread, and more.  Talking to y’all is enlightening and makes me reconsider things all the time.