#IT WASN'T EVEN THE FICTION PART THAT FINALLY CONVINCED ME IT WAS THE FACT THAT HE WASN'T MORMON

[nookisms]

Had a weird dream last night that I was going to get married and I was so convinced of it that for almost two hours I was like "should I ask my friends if this is real or not? Like it feels so real should I check"

[hanmaitani]

iCloud Storage

PAIRING - Oikawa Tooru x Reader WC - 0.6K GENRE - Angst SYNOPSIS - you didn’t know that contact info could hold that much weight until it made you fall apart. something as small and something as stupid as emoji removal could break your heart.

PREV PART | MASTERLIST | NEXT PART

It had been two weeks. Two weeks since Tooru had left.

A week since you had seen him last.

You'd cried for the first few days, settling with the fact that he'd meant it. That this wasn’t just an argument that would blow over like before. That he wasn't coming back like he had last time.

It felt like you were numb. Felt like any moment now you would watch Tooru come through the door to your new room with smiles and kisses on his lips, meant for you and you alone.

You stared at your phone as you, again, tried to convince yourself that you didn’t need to text him.

That you didn't need him.

You’d avoided opening the apps you used to speak to him as much as possible in the last few weeks, hoping to stay away from even his name, away from any temptations.

You sighed, deciding that maybe it was time. Maybe it was time that you changed things.

You started with your text messages.

You’d stopped sharing locations with each other, finally, a few days ago. The little notification of it still staring at you across the bottom of your messages, the last thing in your chat with him.

You tapped the settings on the chat first, unpinning the conversation from the top of your iMessages.

Then you glared at the little name at the top of the messages, right under the silly picture you had as his contact picture.

My king ❤️

You swallowed hard as you hit the button to edit the contact. Holding down the delete button, you waited until the whole contact name was deleted.

You stared at the blank slate before typing into it.

Oikawa Tooru.

The pang in your heart as you hit save wasn’t something that you were fully prepared for.

You watched as the contact info on the messages updated, a small delay as it adjusted. A small weight dropped onto the small crack. A small weight that made you fall apart.

You felt something wet drop onto the back of your hand and lifted it up to feel wetness against your cheeks.

The first tears in nearly two weeks over something as small and something as stupid as emoji removal.

Something as small as a name change in your phone.

You winced and pushed forward, determined to get it over with. The cleansing of your phone.

Opening your photos and searching through for all the ones of him. You cried a little harder as you sorted them out, tucking them away into a neat little album. An album you uploaded off your phone and onto a flashdrive. Something to store away, out of sight.

Watching through blurry eyes as the pictures one by one fell from your phone and onto the little drive. All the photos of Tooru, of both of you together. Ones you took, that he took, that your friends took. Silly little time capsules that all felt like a lie to you now.

It should have felt like a weight lifted off of you, watching your phone storage open up as all the remnants of you and Tooru as a couple were removed from your phone.

The gaining of space, something you’d always complained that you’d not had enough of.

But now that you had more, not just on your phone but in real life too. The absence of such a substantial piece of yourself. The missing piece that was Oikawa Tōru.

Because yeah, your iCloud wasn’t full anymore, but it was like he never existed in your life and it just made you feel alone.

a/n a/n thanks for coming to the free therapy of fictionalizing my irl breakup experiences. yes this actually happened. partially based on an unreleased song by @/leannafirestone on tiktok based on "You Just Didn't Like Me That Much" by Leanna Firestone

TAGLIST - OPEN

@all-in-the-fandoms @pearl-blue-musings @winniethepooh-lover

[mikailys]

MCL NewGen Ep 9 Commentary

I poured blood, sweat, tears, and money to finish this episode. I fought my inner demons to convince myself that they didn't deserved my money but here we are: with a concluded episode and me with 30 euros less in my bank account 🥲 As always, this post will obviously contain spoilers under the cut so beware~

Ngl after the disaster of episode 8 I had zero (0) hopes for this new one, I wasn’t even excited after everything that happened last month (e-girl pack, episode 8, Halloween event and so on) but I have to admit, this one surprisingly exceeded my low expectations by a landslide by finally giving some insight on the LIs about time i might say.

But first thing first, the cost. This episode was hella expensive, I spent 2604 aps, of which 1832 were free. I'm following Jason's route so I know it's more expensive than the others but I didn't imagine this much. I genuinely hope the others will be shorter and that this was just an exception given the backstories cause I can't handle every ep being like this 😩

As a Jason's girlie, I was ecstatic about this episode. For once, his presence was well-contextualized, he didn’t come off like a stalker and we weren’t the damsel in distress. I didn’t expect him to start trauma-dumping on Candy so soon, considering they don’t see each other as often compared to the other LIs, but I’m glad we got to know him better. I really hope Candy’s attitude toward him will start to soften 'cause she’s always on guard around him and it’d be nice to see her relax and trust him a little more, especially after the intimate moment they experienced in this ep.

I must admit tho the premise didn't really appeal to me and I was skeptical this would be another silly ep with all the Devenementiel crew doing stuff but luckily it wasn't. It all starts with Devon telling us that, starting the next day, a group of interns will be joining the team and it turns out these are Devon’s younger brothers, Gebril and Joen.

Overall I liked the time spent with them. I agree that there were a lot of unnecessary moments and some parts I could’ve gladly skipped but it was a cute scenario, and finally we get to meet some new characters for a change also idk but Joen's attitude kinda reminds me of Armin oh I miss himm

Since we're here let’s already get to the sore spot of this whole ep: the whole Tasha situation. I don’t care if it’s wrong to have beef with my fictional sister, but I’m honestly speechless at how she and their mom acted during the internship situation. You knew for months that you needed to pick a company for your internship and yet, the night before, you have no plans because you delayed the application?? And now you’re asking me to call up my boss at 8 pm to beg him to include you in the internship that’s supposed to start tomorrow? Are you out of your mind?!?

Also isn’t the whole traineeship supposed to be organized by the school? I’m not sure how it works in France, but I was quite confused—here in Italy the school usually guides you through the process and handles all the paperwork. It’s unusual for students to be left on their own in a situation like this...

And the mom is even worse cause she just says "I don’t want to judge you for how you’re acting with her because if I were in your shoes I wouldn’t know what to do either" like uhmm you’re the mother, not me?? If you knew about this the whole time –and she knew for months– why didn’t she help Tasha earlier? Or better yet, why didn’t Tasha ask us weeks ago instead of the evening before? And yet they’re just chilling while playing cards omg you have no idea how much this stressed me out it's so stupid but yet so infuriating like the fact that they only have a bathroom in a mega villa but whatever i guess.

After we refuse to help her, Tasha mysteriously ends up joining Goldreamz for her internship. I’m honestly confused, once again, about how this happened because the night before no company had accepted her and now suddenly she's got the job?? Did Jason see her candidacy last minute right before clocking out the office? If I missed something pls let me know cause I genuinely can't wrap my head around it lol.

What a way to twist things...

But anyway, I honestly liked this option. I admit I would have never imagined this plot for his route but I’m glad they went this way. I loved seeing Candy’s reaction when Tasha told her about working with "the devil" and I also enjoyed her reactions to the ambiguous conversation between Candy and Jason in his office watch Tasha being the first to get the hints about their situationship lol

Maybe it's for the better, we don't want to let our lil sis know we blew up big time our first solo project.

Once Tasha leaves, Candy asks Jason wtf he’s doing and he assures her that he doesn’t have any ulterior motives. He just thought it would be an amusing situation for both him and Candy. After a quick recap, we get a better understanding of Candy and Tasha's relationship. It seems like there’s a bit of a rivalry/competition between the sisters—something I would have never guessed, considering we've only seen Tasha about three times since the beginning but okay. I only wish to see more of their sisterhood but I guess we won't any sooner since she's going to her father for a while, that sucks.

After some usual bantering, we find out that Jason envies our relationship with Tasha since he’s an only child, which leads him to open up a bit about his past. We learn that he found comfort in solitude, often isolating himself by going out on his father's boat in the middle of the ocean. I admit this was unexpected, I never would’ve guessed he’d be so into the marine world - as we'll see soon in the rowboat scene. It adds a surprisingly nice contrast to his otherwise business-like persona.

Touched by Jason’s childhood story, Candy spontaneously suggests they take a boat ride right then and there, to experience the peace and solitude he felt throughout his childhood. This was a cute gesture from Candy ngl, I thought she would simply nod and listen to his story but no. This is the first time she takes such an important first step with him in their relationship and I'm proud of her.

But, once arrived tho she has to ruin everything destroying the cute little moment...

Oh my God. You strangely enough managed to get him to open up about his difficult childhood and you still can’t help but joke about him being the big bad guy? Ugh I take back whatever I said about you Candy, you're dumb.

Thankfully, Jason doesn’t seem that much bothered by her comment and they get on the rowboat. I was lowkey hoping for a cute moment where he offers her his hand to help her aboard but nope, doesn’t happen. Honestly I’m convinced this is his subtle payback for that insensitive joke, if so props to you J.

Anyway, he starts rowing and soon we find ourselves in the middle of the lake. This is where the heart of the episode unfolds imo. We finally get a glimpse into his family history. Jason opens up about his father, a scientist deeply passionate about the ocean, that tragically passed away shortly before he turned 19.

This is the moment where I truly lost it. I swear, I was a sobbing mess.

Jason’s vulnerability hit me harder than I expected. We already knew about his father, but hearing him tell the whole story was tough. I can barely imagine what he went through at such a pivotal age. The emotional distance between him and his mother after she got remarried definitely played a big role and when you add his strained relationship with his stepfather into the mix, it’s impossible not to feel for him. It's such a tragic backstory, I hope they don’t mess it up from here on out. My pookie deserves better :(

As for the special scene, it wasn't that much but I liked it. Unfortunately, I can't post the screenshots since I’ve hit the limit per post sigh but it was such a sweet and heartwarming moment. It offered a smooth transition from the heaviness of the conversation to their usual playful banter and I really appreciated how it slowly lightened up the mood without taking away from the emotional depth of his story. I have to admit, I wasn’t really a fan of the illustration. The setting and moment were adorable - it totally gave me Rapunzel vibes with all the whimsy and charm - but Jason’s expression feels off, it’s almost like he’s a villain plotting revenge rather than being swept up in the moment lol. Plus his proportions seem a little strange mmh. Candy, on the other hand, looks gorgeous so gg.

And that’s it. Afterwards, Jason accompanies Candy back to her house, reminding her that despite the little walk down memory lane, things haven’t changed between them in his eyes, and he expects the same from her. Oh, and let’s not forget she owes him an intimate story too as if the whole Ioan drama wasn’t enough.

With that, he leaves and the episode ends with Candy having her same old crisis whenever she spends a little time with Jason.

Now, I’m really curious to see if Jason opening up will actually shift things between them or if it’ll stay the same old. At this point, Candy doesn’t have much of an excuse to keep trash-talking him - he hasn’t done anything to harm her or Devenementiel, yet, and he’s actually been there to help her on multiple occasions. I’m hoping she drops the whole “he’s the devil” mindset because he’s honestly shown more support than hostility in the latest eps.

But honestly I can't hide that rn I'm more worried about the next episode. Thomas having an incident was on everyone’s bingo card -even though I didn’t expect it to happen this early- but here we are. I’ve got so much repressed trauma from everything with Lysander that I genuinely have no idea what to expect next 🫠

[aprincessofthevoid]

But What Happens To You? Natan Fluff

Legit wrote this almost a decade ago and decided to clean it up just a lil to repost because I got locked out the old account it was on lmao.

Characters are from Satan and Me by @thisiskindagross and honestly I'm cackling at the fact my obsessed ass basically got their characters pretty dead on for how the story has since progressed.

Don't ask me to read over this fic again tho even if there are mistakes. it's honestly cringe as fuck and disgustingly adorable like i felt like I was intruding LMAO.

Also made me realize I'm gayer than I thought cus the times I use to write wayyyy more slash fiction I NEVER went into this much detail describing the men involved but there are PARAGRAPHS just describing how cute Natalie is here... anyway. Fluffy, cuddly makeout sesh while Satan and Natalie wait for the end of the world to come.

Word Count: 6502

Rating: T? (Some swearing, lil depressy Satan thoughts?)

Fluff n Kisses, Hurt Comfort? Idk man typical grumpy sunshine bullshit n they smooch xx

Nutshell: Natalie comes home acting stranger than usual, and when Satan pushes her to just spit it the fuck out already, things don't quite go as he expected, so he attempts to comfort her but he’s REALLY bad at it...

Natalie shoved open the front door with a harsh slam as it connected with the wall, tossing her school bag down at her feet. Satan could hear her frustrated huffing as she struggled to pull off her knee height brown boots, and her sigh of relief when she finally freed herself. Natalie headed further into the living room and draped her jacket over the back of the navy blue armchair opposite to the love seat that ‘Stanley’ was currently sprawled out on.

Satan spared a glance at her out of the corner of his eye, before turning his attention back to the television to the generic soap opera that had been playing in a marathon for the majority of the day. He hated to admit he was almost invested, waiting to see if the main protagonist's secret and of course evil twin, was going to walk in on their fathers brother that was having an affair with their mother. The mother who had kept her locked up all her life, hidden away from the rest of the family, or if the two lovers would manage to part just before the girl barged in with the revolver she had hidden under her dress, slipped into the band of her thigh high stockings.

           Eventually, she moved towards the couch, plopping down on the floor in front of it without a word. For the better part of the next two episodes she stayed silent, but it wasn't until the third was almost finished that he really began to take notice of how strange she was acting. Her silence was unsettling, and the way she had begun to nervously rake her fingers through the ends of her hair, was sending small twinges of pain in his own head. All the signs that she had something big on her mind, and that meant he had to care now too, because there was no escape from her aggravating twitching. If the issue wasn’t addressed it wouldn’t be long before the girl's head exploded from thinking too much.

“Girl just spit it the fuck out already, before you make both of us fucking bald” He spat, letting out an agitated huff. He snapped his head in her direction, already annoyed by the anticipation of whatever bullshit explanation was going to come out of her mouth. He noticed his sudden break in the silence had made her jump and she quickly dropped her hands to her lap, balling them into tight fists atop her knees. She spared a nervous glance towards him before snapping her head back down, staring into her lap as she spoke

“Oh, um, no, ha ha, nothing wrong! Just, ya know, schools a draaaggg, heh…” She punctuated her words with a dismissive wave of a hand, before returning it to her lap. He waited still, not convinced there wasn't more to this. But his hard gaze to the side of her head was not enough to intimidate the truth out of her, she sat in silence, wringing her fingers so hard he could feel the pressure in his own hands. Finally, with a loud groan he flipped upright fully, roughly grabbing her wrists to make her stop. 

“Can you fucking stop already?!” He shouted, causing Natalie’s head to jerk up to look at him with a start, the fear and panic in her expression stunned him momentarily causing his face scrunched up in frustration. What in the hell was her problem? He was sure they were well past her thinking he was going to cause her physical harm, so why was she so damn jumpy? Natalie tried but failed to force a smile that came out of a grimace, as she weakly attempted to pull her wrist out of his grasp. In reality any attempts to get away were pointless if he wanted to keep her somewhere even in his smaller form as Stanly, and she knew it too so why the hell was she still trying to wiggle out of his grasp? 

After a few more attempts at getting him to release her she gave up with a defeated sigh, her hand hanging limply between them, the silence felt suffocating. Satan really didn’t understand her, not in the least, one minute she was all happy go lucky smiling in the face of death while running straight into the impending doom cloud of the apocalypse. Probably riding a fucking rainbow unicorn with cotton candy sunshine powers, and now she was sat in front of him, acting like any NORMAL human should at the dawn of the end of the world… Which ironically was very much out of the ordinary for her.

“Seriously kid, you aren’t yourself right now, so what’s your problem?” Natalie took in a shaky breath, and Satan could feel her chewing on the inside of her cheek as she tried to find the proper words before she spoke.

“I just, I’m worried, is all… about… all this junk that’s going on, with Michael… all these crazy monsters that want me dead and to steal your powers… what dad is gonna think when he finds out the truth…” Her voice lowered in volume as she spoke, and he had to lean in slightly to make out the words. But he understood her worry for her father, the poor old man already thought he was losing it, especially after seeing a glimpse of his long dead wife, during the possible deal with Michael over Natalie’s soul. It was just a matter of time before the guy finally put it together and figured out he was the Devil who now owned his daughter's soul. 

He figured Natalie had known from the start that things wouldn’t be easy to keep their contract a secret for long, and although he was still confused as to why she chose now to begin collapsing under the pressure, he gave her credit for lasting as long as she did.

“Really kid, that's your problem? You didn’t honestly think you could hide the apocalypse of all things, from your father forever, did you?” He couldn’t help the bark of laughter that escaped him, it was honestly hilarious to think the girl planned on hiding the end of the world from her old man, he may be a little dense at times but he wasn't a complete idiot. Satan was genuinely curious how she planned on pulling this off, because no amount of sweet talk and lies could cover up this mess, regardless of their contract, the apocalypse was coming; for everyone, ‘for her’. 

His last thought was a sobering one, and his amused grin faltered slightly at the reminder, especially now that he knew Natalie, actually knew her, and had realized how strong she was both when they met and even now, ‘but not strong enough…’. Natalie had stayed silent, and he tilted his head to catch a glimpse of her face but she turned away ever so slightly, staring blankly across the room to avoid his gaze. Her breathing was shakey and he could now see that her entire body was almost vibrating in an attempt to keep herself together.

“Natalie?” His voice had come out quieter than he intended, Satan never said her name, it was a conscious choice to not use it In the beginning, he had mainly done it simply because it had annoyed her, just so she would feel the need to remind him that she had a name. For once there was no thought behind it, his genuine concern had seeped out in a barely audible whisper, and he could feel her unease after he spoke, a twisting of something awful in his stomach that made him want to be sick. His throat tightened and a heavy pressure built up in his head… and that was the moment he heard it, a small, muffled sound, the tiny sob that came along with the next words she spoke.

“…I’m worried about what will happen to you… if Michael wins… if the demons get locked away in hell… where do you go when you die?” Her voice cracked as she spoke, and the silence after was suffocating. It filled the room around them both, but he didn't have an answer for her. Everything was becoming too much, he was both too warm and too cold, disconnected, empty, smothered by the words and the implication of them bouncing around in his head… She was just too soft, too sweet, too close. 

He couldn’t handle it, couldn’t stand the thought of someone caring so much about him because it was always a lie ‘she’s safe’, he corrupted anything he touched with his filth ‘you can’t taint her’. There was no way this small human girl could honestly care, or should care rather, about what happens to the literal devil after the apocalypse ’but she does care let her be there for you’, this time he physically shook his head to get rid of the thoughts dropping her wrist like it burned him. From past experience he knew not to be so trusting and before he truly had the chance to think about his words, they came out far harsher than intended.

           "Where the fuck did that come from? And why do you even care? It’s not like it’s going to matter anyway because you’re too stubborn to break this contract. You’re going to die right along with me so there's no reason to be worrying about my ass when were both fucking screwed” The bark of laughter that followed his words was loud and bitter, he got up and angrily stomped towards the hall and heading upstairs by himself to calm down. Seeing her cry over his inescapable fate just made him feel more guilty, and that pissed him off, why the fuck did he feel guilty? But the only quiet escape he has was her room, because there was no way she would let him leave the house alone and he needed to get the fuck away from her before he resorted to smashing whatever he could grab to blow off steam. That of course would probably just end in another trip to church as punishment… And honestly, with how he felt right now, he probably deserved the pain and discomfort that would bring him.

As he rounded the corner he paused, just out of her sight, as her muffled sniffling had now turned to open sobs in the quiet house. He felt stuck, staring intently at the worn out red rug under him as he flexed his toes and felt the fibres shift under his feet, attempting to swallow around the newly forming lump in his throat with little success. He mentally kicked himself for yelling at her, especially at a time like this. Although he enjoyed other people’s pain and despair he didn’t enjoy hers, and seriously that really pissed him off. Gripping the door frame with a clawed hand, he dug deep gouges into the soft wood, and with a low snarl he turned around and stomped back out into the Living Room.

           Natalie had looked up just as Satan stopped in front of her. Seeing her red and puffy eyes with likes of makeup tear tracks streaking down her flushed face made him feel nauseous. She began to open her mouth again, likely to question what he wanted and why he was back, but before she could say anything that might make him second guess things, Satan grabbed onto her arm and pulled her up. He dragged her towards the stairs, and in her current distraught state she weakly protested, sniffing in an attempt to stop more tears from falling as she weakly tried to pull her arm from his grasp, despite him barely holding on she stood no chance of escaping. 

He dragged her all the way up the stairs, down the hallway and pushed her into her room, only letting go long enough to slam the door behind him, which caused all random papers and photos the girl had stuck to her door to fly off, scattering all over the floor. Satan shifted into what Natalie had referred to as his ‘drug dealer’ form, turning around to face her once again. She stood there with her arms wrapped tightly around herself, her typical annoyingly extroverted, bubbly self, had been replaced with something he had only momentarily seen a few times before.

The times when she had brought him to visit her mother’s grave were the main ones, or the small handful of times some of his insults had gotten under her skin. The time Michael had brought her mothers soul to her in an attempt to forcefully break her contract with him was another one Satan could never forgive him for. It was that small flinch, the momentary silence before she would laugh and brush him off, the momentary anger she felt only seemed to make her feel guilty, and he would get this odd look in her eyes. It just wasn’t her… He shook away his thoughts, needing to focus on his current fuck up that was in need of fixing.

“Sit down” He gestured to the bed as he spoke, attempting to keep his voice as monotone as he could, it was a simple request she would hopefully be able to follow, even in her current state. She barely lifted her head, only glancing up at him through her lashes before quickly looking away. Satan could see her face was less red but her cheeks still looked damp, his hands twitched reflexively at the sight, and he had to resist the urge to wipe them away, a dull itch spreading across his palms. His whole body tensed, hands balled into tight fists at his sides to keep himself from doing something embarrassing.

Satan glanced around her room, at all the pictures, art and collectables she had lined along the walls and piled onto her bookshelf. Looking for some sort of distraction, anything that would help to shove the thoughts back down into wherever the fuck they came from with little luck. Natalie also didn't move immediately, but just as Satan thought he might lose his last bit of restraint, she slowly turned to walk towards the bed, gingerly sitting herself down on the very edge. She finally looked directly at him for the first time since she arrived home, waiting for further directions. 

He inhaled sharply, blowing the air back out through his nose as he moved towards her, stopping near the top of her bed. Leaning over he pulled down the pile of old blankets until there was enough room for her to climb into, before standing up once again, choosing to stare across the room again rather than look at her. He settled on her dresser mirror, which was surrounded by pictures and postcards both new and old, following along the line of photos, his eyes on a picture of the two of them, wedged into the upper corner. It was one that she had made him take on her birthday, a rare occurrence where he wasn’t sporting his signature frown, which appeared in almost all the other pictures she had of him. 

It was almost surreal to see his own face looking so normal and happy… he quickly looked away again, choosing instead to stare at the floor, yet another failed attempt to clear his mind of the thoughts that had been bombarding him recently. Thankfully the kid understood the silent request a little quicker this time, and she carefully climbed over the mound of blankets and pulled the layers up over her legs. Once she had gotten settled fully he sat himself down on the edge of the bed with his back to her, neither of them saying a word for a long moment. It wasn’t until he heard her quiet sniffing resume, as if she was going to cry again. 

At that his head whipped around to face her, once again Natalie avoided looking at him, with her head bent down and chin pressed against her chest. Satan didn’t know why the sight bothered him so much, it shouldn’t be getting to him at all he had seen plenty of humans cry. The literal devil shouldn’t care this much especially not about a human girl being upset ‘but you do care’. That stupid fucking voice in the back of his head was whispering to him again, it wasn’t the same as those voices, not even close, those would scream and bombard him with a constant flow of disgustingly twisted words, words he use to think was the honest truth. Which was sometimes more painful than the things the souls trapped in eternal damnation use to say about him. 

No, this calm little voice seemed to speak up at all the wrong times for a completely different reason, an ever optimistic back seat driver, this girl must really be working her way under his skin and he hated it! ‘That’s a lie’. Cursing under his breath, once again being called out by his own budding conscience, he tilted his head down, to get a better look at her face and she glanced up ever so slightly, a quiet humourless laugh escaping her lips.

“Yeah I know I’m a baby” She muttered, toying with the fraying edge of her quilt.

“I didn’t say anything.'' He really hadn’t, although he didn't really think about how out of character his actions would look to her. Satan shouldn't be surprise she thought he was basically just torturing himself by pretending to give a fuck about her emotional well being, because in the beginning that's what he did. But the longer he was forced to interact with her due to their contract, the urge to constantly insult her had dwindled and he had actually grown quite fond of her. He was finding it increasingly more difficult to deny the things that quiet, happy little voice kept saying to him.

“You don’t have to say it…” She spoke in a muffled whisper as she sniffed again and rubbed a hand across her face in frustration as the tears that continued to fall down her face. With how pathetic her voice had sounded, Satan honestly had to fight back a snort, she really did know him so well, that even when he was making the conscious effort to not be a prick she knew what his initial reaction would be (and to be fair she was being a bit of a baby but he wasn’t gonna tell her that… not yet anyway).

Shuffling further up the bed, he turned himself until he was seated next to her, leaning against the headboard, which caused her to eye him wearily. But he couldn't or rather, wouldn't look directly at her, if he did he probably wouldn't be able to go through with this, and the struggle to resist not running away and hiding was already quite the fight. Pulling up one of her pillows he propped it upright against the wall next to his torso, the only other movement he made was to stretch his arm out, still not looking directly at her.

Satan could barely see her reaction out of the corner of his eye, she had stopped crying at least but now appeared utterly confused, her nose scrunched up, mouth downturned in a small pout. Swallowing thickly, he once again appeared to be very interested in something on the other side of the room, there was no way he could let himself back out now or she would never let him live it down. Natalie pushed herself back against the oversized pillow ever so slowly, until her back finally came in contact with his arm. He couldn’t help but notice how soft her hair was, the sweet fruit and floral smell of her shampoo and perfume made his head feel fuzzy. 

Satan was pressed tightly into the wall behind him and he could feel his shoulder blades grinding against it as he shifted, finding it difficult to relax enough to find a comfortable position without disturbing Natalie. When he noticed her wearily mirroring his anxious posture next to him he shuffled slightly down the bed so he was slouching into the pillows behind him more comfortably, forcibly lowering shoulders so arm laid more naturally against the back of the pillow despite still feeling so tense, his hand loosely hung down over her shoulder gently grazing her arm. 

She continued to wiggle and shift around awkwardly, seemingly trying to avoid touching anything except the arm he had draped behind her. Eventually he had enough of her endless squirming and with an annoyed scoff he gripped her shoulder and pulled her into his side. She let out a shrill startled squeak as she was suddenly pulled into his side, he could feel her turn her head to look up at him, her hair tickling his arm where it was wrapped tightly around her. Satan felt his face grow hot as he avoided her gaze. It took everything in him to resist turning towards her, to continue ignoring how soft she felt pressed against him, her breath against his neck while she stared up at him patiently. He couldn't think about how trusting she was, or the calming smell of her perfume.NO he had to fight against those thoughts… for the sake of his own sanity. 

Thankfully it didn’t take long for the kid to realise she probably wasn’t getting any explanation and rather than trying to make him talk like she normally would, she shuffled slightly, adjusting herself until she was more comfortably pressed against his side, pulling her knees up to rest against his legs. Natalie laid her head down on his chest, lifting the arm that wasn’t trapped between them and hesitantly resting it against his ribs, tucked under her chin. Satan had to consciously remind himself to take slow steadying breaths to calm himself. As much as the girl got on his nerves at times, she had been through quite a bit since they’d met. He hadn’t really been helping lessen her stress levels, so despite his usual no touching rule he owed this to her.

Using his free hand, he carefully pulled the quilt up over them until it reached her neck, draping it over her shoulders and his arm that was wrapped around her. Satan had not been paying attention to how long it had been, but they stayed there long enough he began to notice the light from her bedroom window fading. By now she had seemingly calmed down the tension having left her shoulders, he finally took the chance to glance down at her to find she was fast asleep. Snoring lightly, Satan noticed a few pieces of her hair had slipped down over her face, and he paused for a moment before lifting his hand to gently brush them behind her ear, fingers lingering on the skin of her cheek for a short moment. He gently brushed his thumb over her tear stained face, before pulling back and resting his arm across his stomach. 

“You’re something else kid…” She really was the biggest mystery to him, because who in their right mind would feel content to fall asleep curled up next to the literal personification of hell itself?. Right from the beginning her initial fear of meeting him had faded rather quickly, and she fell into the role of his contractor. In the beginning Satan felt she took her job just a little too seriously, but the longer he was with her the more he saw she was a great help for himself. If only because she gave him no other options, she saw right through him and all his bullshit, honestly she was the only person that even bothered to find out more about him, to truly know him as something other than the king of hell. 

As much as he hated to admit it, her scrutiny was both comforting and horrifying. The more she pushed his buttons or she forced herself into his personal space out of genuine concern, the more she broke down the barricades that he had built up over the centuries… The less he minded what she saw, which had shocked him to his core initially to realize that maybe he wanted her to see more of him. Darkness, hatred, and self loathing was all he saw when forced to look within, but somehow Natalie had found good, somehow she saw a light in him that he couldn't yet, and she was determined to make him see it too someday. He honestly began to wonder if the light she saw was her own, if she had given him a small piece of herself, buried it in his chest to scare away the shadows, sacrificing some of her happiness to help his stubborn ass heal. With a weary sigh, he couldn’t help but voice his thoughts out loud.

“You may be a major pain in my ass Natalie, but ya know, I’m glad it was you I got stuck with” It was thee truth, he couldn’t help it. This girl made him feel things he thought he had long since forgotten, was a natural thing with her, and there was no way around it. 

“Not that I haven’t considered smothering you in your sleep, because I have, but I never did… I couldn’t bring myself to actually hurt you… Even hurting your feelings makes me feel bad sometimes. How’d that happen?” He trailed off, not really sure how to explain what she had done to him. Glancing down he watched her face as she slept, she looked so calm, all the stress from the looming apocalypse had disappeared from her features. Her cheek was pressed against his chest pushing her lips out into a little pout, Satan found himself focusing on her lips just a little too long, before quickly turning his eyes away, kicking himself for being a creep while she slept next to him.

He instead focused on the hand she had resting on his chest. She really was tiny compared to him, her hands were small and delicate, but he also knew she could throw a good punch when she needed too. She was strong for a human, not so much in the physical sense, but her will, and it was something he admired about her; even if her sassy nature pissed him off every so often, it pissed Michael off more. He couldn’t help the small smirk that came to his face at the thought, Michael was extremely annoyed with the fact that from the beginning, Natalie preferred Satan, and anybody else for that matter, over him.

“I know I’m an asshole, it’s in my nature, but I hope you know I don’t really hate you, not completely anyway. But you are kind of a bitch at times, and being tied to a teenager still isn’t at the top of my list of favourite things… but you’re not, completely horrible”

He felt Natalie shift slightly, and tensed at the movement, and before he could really react, Natalie sat up and faced him. He was frozen in place, as they watched each other, and then the kid did something that really threw him off. Using the hand between them as leverage, she leaned over and placed a soft kiss on his cheek, lingering there for a few seconds before pulling away and laying her head back on his chest, pressing against his side more firmly.

“I love you too ya big marshmallow” He coughed and sputtered for a moment before falling silent, his entire body felt heavy, and the tightness in his chest made it hard to breath. Looking down at her again, all he could see was the top of her head. He couldn’t help how his voice shook as he attempted to speak

“Natalie?” She lifted her head up towards him, a faint look of confusion on her face, her hair flopped over in her face once again. And that was it. As much as he would tease her about it, she really was quite pretty. Not in the supermodel sense, she was no Cleopatra that’s for sure. But her soul, she was so bright, even from his view; and he couldn’t help but wish he could see what Raphael could. But he wouldn’t ever have a true complaint about the parts he could see… with that, he couldn’t take it any longer

“I…” His words wouldn’t come out, and as Natalie looked more and more worried, there was only one way he could tell her what he was trying to say; he hesitantly lifted the hand that had been resting on his stomach to move her hair out of her face, brushing his knuckles against her cheek, before gently lifting her chin up towards him. Quickly leaned down he pressed his lips to hers, no thought or plan to it, his resolve had finally caved and he was acting on pure impulse by this point.

Her reaction was to be expected as she went completely still sucking in a sharp breath at the contact, though to his surprise she didn’t pull away immediately. He manoeuvred his hand to rest at the nape of her neck, gently supporting her head as he softly pressed into her more firmly. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly, afraid to face the rejection that was inevitably coming once he retreated, only staying in place a few moments longer, savouring the soft warmth of her lips, the taste of her peach flavoured gloss, of what would likely be their first, and last kiss. Pulling away ever so slightly, he rested his forehead against hers, feeling her light panting breath flutter against his lips which sent a shiver down his spine and he inhaled shakily.

Neither one dared move, the silence once again felt smothering, Natalies soft breathing was almost drowned out by the sound of his heartbeat pounding in his head and he wished for an easy escape, to run away like he always had before. But there was no escaping this time, what he had done wasn’t something that could be easily forgiven and would be even harder to forget. He waited for her anger, for her to slap him and demand an explanation, for her to send him to spend the night on the roof outside, all of which he would deserve. He wasn’t expecting the light touch of Natalie’s free hand lightly cupping the side of his face, or the gentle stroking of  her thumb across his cheekbone. He didn't expect her shuddering breath against his lips or the small trembling in her hand that spread through her body, it was hard to focus on anything else with just how god damn warm she was pressed against him. But the one thing he really wasn’t expecting, was the tentative brush of her lips on his own.

He froze, body tensing at the contact as his thoughts began to race, scrambling to process the fact she had kissed him back, ‘she is kissing you back’. Satan felt the soft quirk of her smile against his lips and it was just enough to snap him out of his daze. His arm around her shoulder had moved to her waist pulling her further up his torso and holding her tightly. The hand at the nape of her neck tightened as he returned her shy kiss a little more firmly, barely pulling away with a short gasp before pressing back into her with more urgency.

The hand that was softly stroking his face had since moved to the back of his neck, as she raked her fingers through his hair. Satan couldn’t help the shiver accompanied by a low growl let out against the girl’s lips as her nails scraped against his skin, and this reaction seemed to give her a little more confidence. She pried her other arm from between them, wrapping it around his neck gripping onto his opposite shoulder for support. He could feel her heartbeat racing where she was pressed against his chest, hard and fast, her breath a heavy panting into his mouth each time their lips parted ever so slightly; and he was no better. He was losing his composure, he could feel as his teeth began to sharpen of their own accord, as his horns just barely sprouted out his forehead, taking every ounce of willpower to not lose control. 

He finally managed to tear himself away from her lips with a deep groan, opening his eyes to look at the girl that both ripped him apart and held him together. Natalies was studying his face carefully, the green of her eyes was almost completely swallowed up by her pupils. Neither one dared move for father knows how long, until Satan finally took the initiative, sitting up he loosened his grip on her slightly leaning into her, and Natalie followed his lead, allowing him to lay her down across the head of the bed. Hovered over her, propped up on his elbows either side of her face, he couldn't help but to admire her below him. The soft red of her hair framed her flushed face perfectly, her big doe eyes staring up at him so eager and trusting, made his whole body feel hot. 

Her mouth parted slightly, her chest heaving with every panting breath she took, and her lips were still red and swollen from his relentless assault. He was enjoying his perfect view, taking in her flustered state, what he had done to her. But apparently he was taking just a little too long for Natalie's liking, as she snapped him away from his thoughts when she gripped the collar of his dress shirt pulling him down to meet her lips once again, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. He really didn’t deserve her, in no way, shape or form, she was so fragile compared to him, as most humans were. Her soft tender frame and calm demeanour, her open affection, her mortality… A stark contrast to his tall ridgid muscle, fabricated to make him more intimidating, full of anger and hatred for these humans who cursed him to eternal damnation. He didn't deserve her and she certainly didn’t deserve him, she didn't deserve his anger, the danger of the apocalypse, none of it. Everything about them screamed that the two didn’t fit together, but right now, by some crazy miracle they seemed to slot together perfectly.

She must have sensed his wandering thoughts, as he felt a gentle scrape of her teeth against his bottom lip. He instinctually returned the gesture by biting down on her own lip with more pressure, digging his fangs into the soft flesh, greedily swallowing up her surprised squeak as he held back the urge to dig his claws into her bed spread. Everything still felt too warm, but he couldn’t bare the thought of being separated from her even for a moment. Cradling her head in his hands, he pried himself away from her lips to pepper kisses all over her face as she; the corners of her mouth and along her cheeks, her forehead down her nose. Before slowly and softly, pressing small, deliberate kisses down the side of her face, until he met with her jawline, panting heavily against her neck, waiting. Watching her face for a sign, anything to tell him this was alright, as much as he was desperate to touch the rest of her, the last thing he wanted was for her to feel pressured. He wouldn’t dare do any more than what she would allow him.

She squirmed under his weight, anticipating his next move, but when he didn’t advance she finally opened her eyes to look back at him. The sun having long set Satan couldn't be sure how long they had been there, hell even if the sun came up he’s not sure he would have even noticed right now. Eventually Natalie was the one to break the silence, her voice came out with a slight tremble. 

“So um… What now? Y-you know a lot more… about this stuff than I do…” She chewed the skin on the inside of her cheek as she spoke, and he could feel the sensation in his own. Despite the electric feel in the air and the position he had her in, it wasn’t as much a sensual thing as it was an adorable one. The grin that spread across his face as he dropped his head down letting out a deep rough laugh against her neck, seemed to confuse her for a second, but he could see the small twitch in the corner of her mouth. A smile eventually spread to her own face, and with a soft giggle she leaned in to press a quick kiss on the corner of his mouth before dropping her head back down. Satan ran his fingers through her hair, watching the strands fall lightly to the bed as he played with the softly curled locks. Her eyes drooped closed slightly at his actions, a small hum of approval escaping her lips.

“You should probably get some sleep, kid. You look like you need it” With that, he gently wedged an arm underneath her, lifting her back up to a sitting position. With the motion, her grip on his neck tightened again, and in her half asleep state she refused to let go of him as he tried to tuck her into bed properly.

“Noooo, stay. with me…please?” came her mumbled reply against his neck.

“I’m not going anywhere kid… now come on you need to go to sleep” He struggled to manoeuvre himself so he could lay down, which proved more difficult when she still wouldn’t let go of him. After a few failed attempts, he huffed and gently pried her arms from around her neck. He would not admit that the small groans of disapproval she made were adorable, even though they were... Eventually Satan managed to get them both better situated, laying down he pulled her against him and she buried her face in his chest while he rested his chin on the top of her head. It wasn’t long at all before she seemed as if she had fallen asleep, breathing softly against him, as he gently stroked up and down her back.

“Goodnight Natalie.” a whisper against her hairline, not really meant for her to hear. He didn't use her name often but realised after tonight, he really might have to start. Honestly he was starting to get used to the idea. 

“Goodnight Satan” Her small tired reply came as a barely audible whisper, and he gave her one final squeeze as he placed a final kiss to her forehead before closing his own eyes. Even if he couldn’t sleep, he could still enjoy the peace her presence brought him.

[nova-lightz]

Uh-oh! Opinion incoming!

I dunno what the fuck is up with some bl drama fans, but sex and romantic gestures are NOT required in order for all serious relationships to be successful irl, so why act like it's the end of the fucking world when a couple in a bl show doesn't kiss or have sex on-screen?

A fulfilling sense of companionship can (and is in some cases) be more than enough for a couple to be happy. Hating on bl shows with characters with this kind of dynamic because the relationship doesn't feel "convincing" or the characters don't look like they have "chemistry" feels homophobic, I'm not even gonna lie ☠️ (at this point I'm pretty sure "chemistry" is just a synonym for sexual activity by how the word gets used all the fucking time, similar to how the word "spice" is used in online spaces).

I will stay bitter at how much hate was thrown at the Cherry Magic drama and movie cause they never had any on-screen kissing or sex scenes. The story doesn't even revolve around sex for the most part! The point of Cherry Magic was to emphasize the importance of not immediately judging people for their surface-level behaviors, to demonstrate how emotional vulnerability + open-mindedness contribute to forming long-lasting bonds, and to show how trust and respecting boundaries is a two-way street.

Adachi losing his virginity in the movie wasn't even that big of a moment in the entirety of the movie. To clarify, the conversation that led up to Adachi losing his virginity was important because he and Kurosawa got to finally be emotionally vulnerable with each other after weeks of pretending everything was ok during their long-distance relationship, which was very important for Adachi's and Kurosawa's character development. After Adachi lost his magic though? The scene brushed by so quickly.

He lost his magic, got surprised, realized he was ready to move forward with his relationship with Kurosawa without using the magic as a crutch, and then continued living his life as an average 30-year-old man for the rest of the film (with the love of his life by his side, of course) AND THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT!!! COUPLES DON'T NEED TO KISS AND FUCK CONSTANTLY TO SHOW THAT THEY'RE IN LOVE IN MEDIA!!! IF A FICTIONAL COUPLE DOES KISS AND FUCK A LOT, THAT'S OK TOO!!!

Would I have liked to see Adachi and Kurosawa kiss? Sure! I'm a gay man, I like gay men kissing lol. Is it worth throwing a fucking fit over the two guys only having meals together, holding hands, hugging each other tightly, and nuzzling their faces in the crooks of each others' necks? NO!!! IN FACT, WITNESSING THOSE GESTURES MAKES ME HAPPY!!! IT'S CUTE AND STILL VERY GAY!!!

It's not bad for bl dramas to show romantic and sexual intimacy—I think it's great that a lot of shows do have those aspects to them—but it's not fucking cool to shit on bl shows that don't have those kinds of scenes. Both can and should coexist. There is no correct way for a couple's dynamic to function and it's stupid to act like there is one. There are plenty of ways for people, in general, to show that they love and care about each other.

Fuck, man. Just don't judge gays for how they gay.

[wholelotofweird]

Meowdy, I hope you're ready to take a peek at all of the books I've read the last 3 months!

By read, I do also mean listened to. I'm a huge fan of audiobooks, because my brain is bad.

Everyone in My Family Has Killed Someone - Benjamin Stevenson

I love a good mystery book, and this is a good mystery book. The narrator has a strong voice and is up-front about their unreliable nature. This book does a great job of making sure you are on the narrator's side, it never feels like they are purposefully keeping readers in the dark in order to pull a gotcha.

Pacing and suspense are SO well balanced to the point where I devoured this book in a day.

Paladin's Grace - T. Kingfisher

I was so prepared for this book to lean way more heavily into a fantasy world where I'd have to learn more terms and how social systems work, and just 1000 other things that can put me off of fantasy books. It's part of the reason I put it off for so long after getting it recommended to me (sorry, Ben.)

THIS BOOK, THOUGH, is not that at all. We don't have to learn new names for "church" or "palm tree". The author manages to thread the line between assuming that readers know the world already, and not creating a bunch of buckwild new words. The handholding though the worldbuilding is so light that you almost don't even feel it.

The setting manages to feel modern and fantastic all at once, which is just... The perfect food for me. The pantheon exists, but it isn't the focus.

This is a romance novel but not a bodice ripper, or overly erotic. I feel the depths of the emotions between the two main characters, which is what I really want.

My one gripe is that the final resolution feels very deus ex. Now, if I was going to pull out my fancy degree and analyze this, I could make an argument that the ending is supposed to feel that, for [spoilers]. But... I'm not sure how true that is. Maybe I'll have to re-read the book and keep that argument in mind.

Even with the ending, this book is lovely.

The Cybernetic Tea Shop - Meredith Katz

This book is short and sweet and a lovely look at an ace relationship.

I haven't read a book sub 200 pages in about a billion years, so many modern books are 600+ pages. Some of them! So good! Others!! Painfully long! This book manages to build an amazing world, atmosphere, multiple characters, and a believable romantic relationship all in the space of a few hundred pages.

Not just that, but the story happens to be about grief, and life, and what it is a person really wants. There are a handful of books I've read in my life that I connect with on such a deep level that I feel seen and changed, Convince Store Woman is one, and this is one.

Cults - Max Cutler

Taking a hard swerve into some non-fiction. I'll be honest, I wasn't sure what I was getting into with this one. I'm not HUGE into true crime (anymore, 14 year old me S U P E R was), so I was a little concerned that I was signing up for some grim, overly detailed, look into the crimes.

What I got instead was a thoughtful look at the psychology behind cult leaders. Yeah, there are a few sections that are pretty grim, but the book doesn't revel in them, if that makes sense. There is never a point where I feel like I am supposed to be ENJOYING the crimes being detailed.

The focus on not just the leaders lives pre-cult, but the lives of the cult members does a ton of work to unmythologize (.... new word alert) some of these leaders.

House of Salt and Sorrows - Erin A. Craig

So... I don't know. I didn't dislike this book, but I'm not sure I'm a fan. I will read the second one when I have access to it, but I don't know that I'd read this one again.

Here is a true fact about me - I don't read summaries of books or horror movies. This, as you may imagine, leads me to having to some WILD times with media.

Anyway, the point is: I was expecting a mystery period piece. What I got was a fantasy mystery period piece. It was fun, it was a little overly complicated. At the end of the day, I was definitely not the target audience for this.

I'm Glad My Mom Died - Janette McCurdy

Jesus. Christ.

When i-Carly was popular I was juuuuuust old enough to say I hated it, while watching it with my younger sisters pretty frequently. I didn't make sure to watch any of the big event episodes. I didn't see every episode, but the show was a constant in my life.

To get such a raw look at someone's life who was molded to be a 'peer' was WACK. Jennette doesn't sugar coat anything. Her experiences are raw and honest and it is probably the only way these experiences could be expressed.

Paladin's Strength - T. Kingfisher

You may be asking "why didn't you put this up next to the first book?"

Great question.

I'm putting this list in order that I read them, so like. Ease off.

I equal parts liked this book just as much, and had trouble getting through it. I am once again in love with the world and with the characters. During some of the middle of the book it felt like the book was 600 pages just to be 600 pages, and not because things needed to be said.

When I was in college I was accused of writing too many "stage directions" in my literature. I blame my years of RPing on Gaia Online and fan-fic writing on that. There is a definite style that comes from those writing exercises, a style where you want all of the readers to know everything from point A to point B. The thing is, not all of that is needed. I don't need 200 pages of sexual tension and flirting to believe in the relationship of two people. It's the "show don't tell" rule taken to the extreme.

There are some times when it's okay to tell and not show.

I like this book, I wish it was shorter, I will be reading the next one in the series because, damn it, this series is fun.

The Curse of Chalion - Lois McMaster Bujold

I don't tend to read fantasy books Like This anymore. When I was younger this type of book was my bread and butter. I've found that a lot of them (to me, at my advanced age) are tedious. And I'm tired.

This book! Manages not to be tedious and absolutely cradled me in the arms of fantasy I loved when I was younger. The book isn't, plot wise, comforting and yet I felt comforted reading it. I understand that the sentiment makes little sense. I'll say, though, if you were like me and were/are a big fan of Tamora Pierce's work - I cannot recommend this book enough.

Mrs. Sherlock Holmes - Brad Ricca

What is more cool than a woman lawyer, investigator, and social rights advocate in the 1900s? Basically nothing. This is another non-fiction book that truly brought to life the folks it detailed. I am OBSESSED with this woman.

I had never heard of Grace Humiston, which seems like an absolute shame, not just because she was cool as all hell, but because she spent so much time and effort protecting the underserved classes of 1900s New York. She was a lawyer who often worked for free to represent folks who could either not speak or write in English and were being taken advantage of.

She became an investigator, basically, because she knew the police were not putting effort into it.

The Salt Grows Heavy - Cassandra Khaw

This was another one that I didn't read the summary for before jumping in. I knew it was a queer book and I knew there was a mermaid, I didn't need any other convincing.

Here we have another sub 200 page book that tells an amazing love story. A story of personhood and growth and revenge.

It is not an easy read either in content or syntax. I haven't really put any trigger warnings with any of the other books, maybe that's a system I'll implement if anyone is interested. But this one: Body Horror, and Gore. If you have a weak stomach I would, sadly, not recommend this to you.

That said, this book is one of the more poetic ones I've read in a long time. Every word feels purposeful in a way that I don't run into often. Keeping the book short works perfectly for that style. If it were any longer I could easily find myself getting lost in the writing.

Legends & Lattes - Travis Baldree

This book has been on my TBR for... A While. It took my friend starting it and sending rave reviews for me to pick it up.

Here's another fun fact about me - My brain is broken. I have a hard time engaging with media that I KNOW I will enjoy, simply because. Because why? I don't know. To be contrary? Because I don't want to be disappointed? Because I'm scared I'll like it too much?

Who knows, don't recommend shows or movies to me and expect me to get back to you in a timely manner. You have to wait 3-5 years.

So, knowing that, I am glad I forced myself to pick this up. This is the coffee shop AU that we all love. The creation of this AU was treated with such love and care, it's clear the author knows what's up. All I want is a big strong character to fall in love with a smaller, softer, character and also run a little shop.

This book delivers on that and more. I cannot WAIT for the next book.

Leech - Hiron Ennes

I'm going to start with the easy stuff - This is a wonderfully dark book. I'm not usually a gothic horror reader, but wow. This book is about horror, identity, reclaiming the self. My library had it miss-tagged as romance which??? It is SUPER not.

The harder part is putting into words how I feel about this book. I like this book, it is complex and poetic. There were times where I felt like I was about to crawl out of my skin, in a good way. Emotions are so viscerally described that I could feel them in my gut.

The history of the world feels so deep, and the author does an amazing job at making me feel like that there are things going on outside the view of the character. That is an amazing skill to pull on, making the world around the character feel truly alive.

I told my friends when I finished it that sometimes "u read a book and the book read u."

I haven't put on my literature analysis hat on in nearly a decade. I would LOVE to spend more time to sit with this book and peel back the layers and figure out all of the ways this book makes me feel seen as a queer person. I don't have the words for that right now. Just know that I felt it.

Ghost Eaters - Clay McLeod Chapman

I don't know how I feel about this book. I think, overall, I like it. I think the plot is interesting, but the book isn't really about the plot, it's about the character. It's about grief and relationships and healing.

I felt like the first 200 pages were a real struggle for me. Unlike some of the other books I've read on this list, I did read a blurb about this one. I wonder if that was why the first 3rd of this book was a struggle. I was waiting the hook to find me. Instead, I had pages and pages of character exploration. I don't hate character exploration! But it wasn't what I was expecting.

The end... Left me feeling sad, and a little hopeless. Which, I think is the point. I think is why I don't read a ton of horror books. I love horror movies, I don't mind if the endings of those are bleak and hopeless. I think the difference is time spent. Reading a book takes so much more time and dedication and like... I want to be happy, is the thing.

I like this book, I think it's a wonderfully written look at addiction and grief and the ways those can eat a person alive.

Paladin's Hope - T. Kingfisher

I devoured this book in 5 hours. I... I opened it and did not put it down. I think this one may be my favorite of the three. I think the author managed to strike the exact right balance of tension, romance, and action.

Unlike Paladin's Strength, I never felt that there were these big empty spaces -- There was momentum.

I want to once again say that I LOVE that the characters are into their 30s. As a person also into their 30s it's just nice to see folks who feel real. Maybe I've been reading the wrong books for years, I simply feel a deep connection for characters similar in age who are just so... Normal (ignoring that some of them are paladin's of a dead god... you know what I mean).

[athenathegrace]

Becoming Filipino & Digital Storytelling: My Journey and Answers to the Glitch

My digital storytelling journey has finally reached its endpoint - for now, but I'd like to take this opportunity to look back and reflect on things that I really have thought about ever since the start of this course.

My prior knowledge of digital storytelling has made me convinced that my niche and my interests all belong here. This reassured me that by all costs, majoring in creative communication was about telling stories, pushing narratives, and creating striking assemblages that might soon establish a well-deserved place for everyone to see and experience. Digital Storytelling is all about creating, as emphasized, experimenting, and articulating what is above and beyond narrating stories. This isn't very limiting, because really, the sky's the limit, and everything has to move for something to happen.

As for our major project, stretched from midterms to finals, we are tasked to create story assemblages that have three components: Scientific, Social Commentary, and Personal. For our major project, Becoming Filipino was born.

The process of working on it has allowed me to answer the following questions: Why are we here? Why are we doing this? Why did we create this through this? This would ultimately discuss the reasons why Becoming Filipino is what it is today. As the director and an editor of the project, who convinced my fellow groupmates to plan and strategize what we want to do, we are just severely inspired by the events that happened before, happening during, and happening even after today.

The project wasn't a chore to begin with. Conceptualizing what we're aiming for was the first, hence we had a few meetings to really talk about what we want this project to be, and our collective vision for the experiments we're trying to make. We want the viewer to be the center stage of everything, hence the subject of enunciation. Our goal was to attach them wholly to the media content that we wanted to implement via a website, or in our physical experience, in a CTR (Cathode Ray Tube) Television.

We want it to be uncanny, some of our members said. We also want it to be unconventional, and scary, and then we want it to be realistic. Deeply realistic. Relatable to a degree, gaining a feeling that can be horrifying or may shiver down your spine, something that can be replicated by an emotion, or a thought, and something that we always want to remind our audience every day.

We want to lure the viewers first by presenting a facade, something that would eventually tear them apart and make them vulnerable for the first few minutes. Regular viewers might think, that this is just a boring, replicable website, and our team decided on a premise for the project, "Someone should be visiting this site, asking and wanting to get his/her/their Philippine National ID." Ironic, because we want to reiterate the idea that the National ID in the Philippines is horrifyingly delayed, and as I'm writing this now, a lot of Filipinos are still waiting for theirs; some didn't come with an actual ID, but only paper or digitalized. We took advantage of that problem and connected it with the discourse that we're trying to make, eventually creating a fictional agency that mirrored what an agency would look like in the Philippines - left behind, outdated, inaccessible, and poorly made, but then it is heavily idealized by the idea that agencies should have established a smooth connection, especially if these IDs are legalized and implemented by the government.

We want the website to be as authentic and claustrophobic as possible, hence the minimalism and the immediate CTA which is the registration form.

Scientific - Me and You

This is the introductory part of the project, the viewers are required to watch all of the three videos because it is mandated by the website. The first part of the series highly revolves around the scientific aspect of the project - The facts, the numbers, and the pieces of evidence mixed with sarcasm. Me and You highlights Filipino autonomy, and how Filipinos live their lives inside the country. We particularly highlight the notion that gender roles are a big part of society, mostly intertwined with how men and women should do, as reflected by the perceptions of the Global North. We are colonized by Eurocentric views, hence we are not yet fully claimed with Filipino-centered views of how gender should take place, and how we are forced to work in the long run, hence the satirical view of men doing the dirty work, and women just being defenseless as a response, and the hierarchal and structured view of the social classes present and breathing in the Philippines.

The first video is highly patriotic at first, with the visuals of glorifying Filipino clips (recycled and captured by our team) and the static visual elements that symbolize what the narrator is talking about. The feeling is singsong and carefree because we want to make sure that we can brief the viewers first before showing our true colors. We persuade and inform, but at what cost?

Social Commentary - Behind the Smile (Is the Struggle)

One of our members, who is a student activist and is a part of the university's student council, took the part wholly to tell a story of struggle and injustice. The social commentary behind the smile (is a struggle) sums up the atrocities that the Philippine Government failed to protect and serve its people, hence our workers almost embracing the brink of death just to make ends meet.

This is also the part where everything starts to glitch away and analog horror overpowers to send a message to its viewers. What I felt during the editing and drafting of the video was hollowness, not responding and reacting to anything, and ultimately, it felt like I was in any-spaces whatever, frozen on the spot, not knowing that the pictures and the monologue could deeply resonate with its viewers once published and released. We asked the selected students who were recorded in real-time while they were doing the experience, and most were frowned upon in the second part of the series.

The team emphasized the utilization of morbid visuals in the second video because we felt the need to do it to add a degree of guilt and explain the situation of the current working sector in the country. The farmers and factory workers were amongst the most underpaid, considering that their wages were also not livable. Fighting for liveable wages was considered a threat by the state, hence they were also targets for extrajudicial killings in the country.

Personal - Why are you Filipino?

This series is a journey itself that shows a story about us, potential makers and catalysts of change, yet witnessed the atrocities and the dim view of becoming Filipino.

The third and final part of the experience was the title "Why are you Filipino?". Visuals started to drift by and it already felt gloomy because of its VCR overlays and with a hint of uplifting music in the background. "Why are you Filipino" shows the amalgamation of the monsters, the people behind outside and inside the screen; and ourselves, as Filipinos. This focuses on the interactive feature for the viewer as if we're searching for vital and physical biometric identification to complete the process and eventually get the National ID afterward.

What I really want to showcase in the third video is that it really shows how we are boxed with the misfortunes of becoming Filipino. I personally felt such an instance where being a Filipino might be a curse; something that I never wish would have become if I were to be reincarnated in the next life. We are categorized and searched because nothing is peaceful anymore. We have become the monsters ourselves. The need to reflect on the environment we're living in is a must. Our group vehemently wanted to promote havoc in the last part of the series, building angst, and void, and our critical perspective in becoming Filipino.

"We are too conflicted not to recognize ourselves anymore."

The Distribution - Finding for Becoming Filipino's place in the world

Becoming Filipino is published on TikTok, a popular app that showcases different types and categories of videos, and we felt the need to post it there because it can be instantly accessed anywhere and everywhere. Analog Horror is becoming mainstream, with the hashtags #analoghorror and #uncannyvalley having their place in the TikTok horror genre. We took advantage of what we can publish on TikTok, making it an outlet for anything horror and analog-related.

We are grateful that we get to interview and let the experience open to the public, especially with friends and students from the university to pilot test our website, with over 50+ responses and website entries. As we progress, we also want to optimize a much smoother service hence were accepted suggestions on what could make the website run better. The registration form was the main highlight of the website, and the rest is just easter eggs that will potentially be used for future projects, with different narratives (hopefully).

The semiotic stratification was achieved and ended in the distribution phase. I also want this domain to be a documentation for this project, and this project deserves to be seen internationally, captivating reactions of different people and at different times.

Sharing such social awareness in unique storytelling would captivate the viewers' reactions, one that I could vividly remember was when we interviewed a student from the university, who witnessed and experienced the project live. She instantly told us that her experience refreshed her senses and kept her on track to what's happening now, especially when she is still drowning with academic work. This rekindled her commitment to serving the people, a common and similar manifestation from almost everyone we interviewed and shared their thoughts about experiencing the video.

Maybe I was numbed down because I was the one editing all of the good parts (intense parts) of the series, but I also hold the same manifesations as expressed by Paulene Marie Entice, who gruelly participated on the experience. Silence holds a key factor in impacting the series overall, because it just trickles down to the emotional impact and heightens the senses of the viewers, and that would be really seen with their reactions.

A consultation is needed to run down and remove unnecessary parts throughout the process to avoid complaints (and hopefully no one was hurt and too disturbed by the experience as a whole :(( ). But at least, the final product still holds the same value as what we envisioned initially.

This project IS the amalgamation of the real world.

This type of unconventional storytelling can encapsulate what we can envision, and what we envision is that this reality is harsh, except if you want to romanticize it. This project doesn't hold romanticization but instead utilizes a satirical element of horror that might be humorous at first, but then as it progresses, reveals the true horrors of our time today.

Becoming Filipino is hard to look at. Becoming Filipino speaks encapsulated words of awareness. Becoming Filipino wants you to be uncomfortable, uneasy, socially armed, and wary, with the monsters and the environment that we're dealing with every day.

This anthology series is not the last of its kind. This unique, bannered, hidden advocacy for social awareness will not stop even if the course is finished, and hopefully, this will spark more ideas and stories to tell that still center on the point of consciousness.

Becoming Filipino is to tell, and narrate stories of freedom and resistance.

[cobeney]

Hey! Im endogenic system. I have trauma. However, i don't experience switches, dissociation, memory barriers, so i don't think i have any kind of related disorder.

Escapism was a huge deal for me, so i was reading into tulpamancy and soulbonding stuff for decades, was trying to apply it, rereading huge blogs and guides. But it didn't work for me, until few headmates, years later, just came on their own without any of my input, saying they're now here. Sort of. We had many doubts and troubles too, but it was... Definitely something. And something hard for me, but them especially, because my doubts eventually infected and silenced them. Only one headmate was able to stand through them, surprisingly. I think it because she never really cared about my opinion and doubts much. She was too stubborn, and wasn't accepted well by others at the start, due to problematic source. Traumagenic systems that acknowledge that problematic character in source and in system aren't same at all, was convincing enough to stop arguing about how we all should be doomed if this is our new member.

And yes, finally reading into traumagenic systems and system roles helped me with denial and respect to my dudes. Ofc they don't act exactly as protector, as example, would, in DID system, but the fact that headmates had their own goals, purposes, and weren't always interested in being forever-host, was new and needed.

I had shit of self esteem, and thought that i am really dumb and pathetic, and my brain is useless stupid sack. And, therefore, any created headmate (i was really desperate for company and understanding at the time) was same, and walking on this quicksand of self hatred and infinite doubt. And many just gave up, since i never trusted them to be anything more than useless, stupid imaginary... Acquaintance. Not even a friend. Not even subconscious. I didn't think they could know or understand a thing, so i ignored them, their tips, requests, anything.

And i wasn't having fun either. And it's not like whole community were like this, there were many useful tips even for doubts, and it was helpful too, even if as understandable to me as quantum mechanics for ant at the time.

But many were too... Host centric. And saying that no created headmate will be better/different at anything than host is, so if host is X, then this headmate can only be X, so only logical conclusion was that communicating with them is pointless. Why bother at all.

I felt like many other willgenic systems succeeded much more, were cooler, etc etc, they had so many cool stuff on their path, and I was just... No one. Boring, lonely, miserable, depressed and drown in apathy. They had so many stories to share, i had nothing.

Some resources for traumagenic systems that helped me was about listening to headmates, and "probably your parts know something valuable but you don't listen. Or doubt them instead of listening when they try to communicate"

The most helpful was "they're formed this way for a reason". Goal. Motivation. All the coined roles... Well, they have helped me to not just dismiss them. They're here for a reason.

They stand up, and reappear again and again not because they're just some obsessive thoughts and imaginary scenes that'll do nothing and pass. They were formed by brain for a reason. For a reason, in this certain way.

And the whole fictional introjects deal helps SO much with "oh damn headmate of X don't seem like X, creator won't approve, fans would hate this version of X, what should i do :("

It can be very embarassing to have a walk-in of your best friend oc, I'd say.

not all endos in community were like it, mind you. Many actually were saying people shouldn't expect them to be canonical in any way, and it's better to look and explore who they are, and who they want to be.

But when i felt that it stupid to have extremely ooc version of character in our system (even if i didn't consciously created them that way), said character just said "Well, cool. Will you say same to all traumagenic systems about their fictives?"

And when I started applying my doubts to traumagenic systems i thought that this is actually rude to say. And not valuable or valid at all, it doesn't provide productive actions, understanding, connection. It's not even a problem. It's just unproductive, harmful thought coming from shame.

How fictives treated in traumagenic spaces helps to accept them as their own, without placing any expectations on them, or shame about having them, not as creator intended, and not as fans wanted to see.

They're there. They may be not the smartest, funniest, "canonical", and don't do much, really. but i still feel not so lonely with them. Sense of being alone in my head was the most horrific one, it's nice when someone is able to interrupt meaningless internal dialogue, joke, provide insight, end catastrophizing imaginary scenario in a funny way, lighten the mood, or discuss things others won't, while being still supportive.

In some endo communities i was in, doubts and pressure on recently created headmates was really big. From newcomers especially. Created headmate should, sort of PROVE their existence and consciousness to a soon-not-so singlet in a weird way, to take them seriously. And, entry to be a person was really ridiculous, like, solve complex equations in mind... How many singlets are able to do it?

It wasn't easy. There were also many superstition, harmful, unnecessary.

The most cliche, and useful one tip in both communities were to listen to yourself and your headmates more, don't aim to be like anyone else, filter what's working and what's not, you're unique... Yeah. It was repeated so many times, but it's actually so true.

Hello sysconversation! I'm a massive fan of this tag being coined, I think there's a lot of room for some really great discussion here, so I'm gonna try to kickstart a conversation myself!

I'm a traumagenic DID system. I experience a lot of denial. But you know what really really helps me? The existence of endo systems. No I'm not kidding.

Because I can say oh I must be faking this disorder. It must not be real. But I also believe that intentional systems are 100% real and that they exist, so... even if I don't have DID, I'm still creating my system right now. I'm real. My parts are real. No matter what disorders we do or don't have.

If you're traumagenic you ever been helped in some way by endo systems and/or their resources? If you're endogenic, have you ever been helped in some ways by traumagenic systems and/or their resources? We talk all the time about how we're different, I think it'd be great to have a chat about how we can be alike and how the intersection of our communities can help each other!

[acourtofthought]

You know what the Kiss of Death in a SJM couple is?

Lack of transparency and as a result, the absence of true emotional intimacy.

I'm not talking about things like the "winged baby" pregnancy plot or Rhysand's schemes where everyone else was the last to know. I'm talking about the characters being unable to share their true self with another.

Tamlin and Feyre:

Their relationship wasn't all bad. Truth be told, I was hooked on Tamlin in book 1 because I read a lot of romance novels including bully and dark romance so his behaviors didn't trigger any red flags for me. Probably because I have read even worse behaviors from other fictional MMC and they still ended up together. But ACOTAR was my first foray into an SJM novel so I didn't realize she was writing him to be problematic (or her version of it)

But in book 2, we really see the beginning of the end and it all began with Feyre and Tamlin being unable to reach out to one another emotionally during their PTSD from UTM. They weren't able to connect and talk about the hard stuff. Tamlin chose to ignore the fact that Feyre was throwing up every night and for awhile, she chose to remain silent on his sleeping in his Beast form. When she did finally bring it up, he brushed it off rather than really talking and connecting and she let the topic drop just as quickly.

Feyre and Tamlin lacked emotional intimacy and they failed as a couple.

Celeana and Chaol:

This one was tough one for me, I wasn't over them for a good while. They were such a beautiful pairing in my opinion.

But Celeana was never able to tell Chaol the truth about her past and who / what she really was. She hid a huge part of herself from someone she was planning a future with and though we can understand why she felt the need for it, we can also understand why things turned out the way they did.

The SJM Couples which have worked out have been brutally honest with one another to the point that sometimes it hurts. Feyre is the only one who Rhysand truly opened up to after UTM. He couldn't even bring himself to share it with his friends who he'd known for over 500 years. He allowed himself to be vulnerable with her and also refused to stop trying to reach her when she had sunk into her depressive state. He never accepted her "I'm fine's". He tried to knock down her walls long before they ever got together. They weren't adorable and sweet getting to know each other, they were raw and real and Epic.

Nesta notes that Cassian "saw" all of her from that very first day and she tried like Hell to keep him from getting that close again. But he refused to stop poking and prodding. He consistently put her on the defense making every effort to get through to her. Again, this was no cute and sweet romance. It was Nesta putting up the absolute worst she had to offer and the male who never ran away even when it looked pretty hopeless.

Then we have Az and Elain:

"She had no idea" the things Az had done. He makes zero mention of Elains mental state in his POV (outside of Lucien) meaning the only thing he's focused on is her beauty. Not how far she's come since the loss of Graysen, or even though she's come so far he senses she is still struggling after losing her humanity. They might have had cute and sweet moments but so did Feyre and Tamlin and so did Chaol and Celeana. That means nothing in the end because E/riel are two grown adults who still act like they're experiencing a Middle School crush when they're together. Their interactions are so awkward and uncertain and there is zero emotional intimacy that we've witnessed between them. That is not the way SJM writes Endgame romance. Her couples are real and they see each other's demons. Az and Elain are not honest with themselves or one another when they are together. Neither have ever acknowledged the others struggles and that alone, even without hearing what Az said to Rhys or bringing Gwyn into the mix is enough to convince me they are not meant to be.

Elain and Lucien:

We won't know until we know but for a female who was distraught over having lost the person she felt finally "saw" her and a male who has an eye who can "see" things others cannot, I am not at all surprised that there is a wall between Elain and Lucien. When Feyre slips into Lucien’s thoughts, it was the first time we EVER heard Elain say something vulnerable about her feelings. "I want to go home" and "he'll be looking for me" (which she said to Feyre) have nothing on "can you hear mine?" “No one ever does. No one ever looked—not really.”. Within minutes of meeting Lucien, she let's him see inside of her in a way she's never done for anyone else on page. Now that she's gone on to pretend she's fine in the Night Court, of course she'd shrink away from the Male who sees too much and who she is desperately trying to pretend doesn't exist because of everything he represents and his ability to see the deepest and most selfish thoughts inside of her. We saw more intimacy (i.e honest feelings) between Elain and Lucien after knowing each other for a day than we've seen between Az and Elain after nearly two years. We even saw her express anger to Lucien in those first moments. Anger from Elain who had NEVER shown anger before that. She was more real with Lucien than we'd ever seen from her at that point and that right there was an Endgame couple being handed over on a silver platter.

[zellacchan]

TANAKA APPRECIATION DAY STARTS NOW

-THIS WHOLE EPISODE ABOUT HIM IS PERFECTLY WRITTEN, THE IMPACT IS BEAUTIFUL, AND I HAVE GROWN TO LOVE HIS CHARACTER SO MUCH MORE.

-TANAKA DOESN'T GIVE UP. that thought alone seems boring when you read it just like that, right? but this episode, ugh, man. it surfaced a whole new concept, you'd think the character was a genuine human, a real person from this world.

-how, exactly? let's start with the things that happened to Tanaka-senpai. ‘‘embarrassment. failure. yet despite that-you refused to give in, and you constantly repeated that in your mind. yet you still ended up getting even more disappointed than you initially were. nothing was going smoothly, and you didn't know why. 'it's okay. i'll keep going, it'll be alright.' you result to self encouragement, because it really isn't the time to feel down, just stay positive. force yourself to be.’’ was the type of situation he was in. normally, a person would give in to the despair, the negativity their mind kept bringing to them. because, i mean, what else could they do? everything was going wrong right in front of their eyes. and when they tried bringing themselves up again, their own teammate refused to help. getting them to toss to you after you called for one could've been the chance to redeem yourself, but no, it didn't. in a normal situation, you'd think ‘okok they might have a plan/they prolly have a better chance at scoring’ or ‘psh maybe next time.’ or even go ‘asjdjfjfj that was embarrassing!’ pretty much any thought, usually it wouldn't give a huge impact to you, and you're able to brush it off after a couple minutes then focus on the game again. but if its like the situation Tanaka was in? completely different scenario. it's likely to give more than a stab to your morale. could even serve as the final blow. even Bokuta-san knew this, as seen from how he passed out afterwards watching them. (maybe it's due to the relief that karasuno scored, tho his attention mostly focused on Tanaka, as once again shown from his reaction after Tanaka earned a point. plus the fact that he was aware of how he, himself would act if he's in Tanaka's position.) but, did that 'deal the final blow'? did it finally make him give up? nope, it didn't. (part of the credit goes to our sunshine child Shoyo, thank hEAVENS for this angel.) and even if Shoyo wasn't there to encourage him, i doubt he would've acted differently. it takes such an impossible amount of mental strength to survive those kind of life difficulties, moreover in sports. s p o r t s, where one mistake could ruin everything. and Tanaka-san had that strength. it merely showed it's pique on the very end, but he had it from the very beginning. hence, again, i doubt a different outcome—and i find that so so beautiful, bc honestly, let's be realistic here. not a lot of people could do that. they may try, but they can only reach so far before giving in. Tanaka was one of those rare gems, and this episode was incredibly inspirational about it. i just can't say that enough. it's anime, fictional. yet the emotions, the struggles and how it was depicted were more than on point, and that's why it's capable of such impact. hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-

-i dare say more; let's move onto his quotes. “i'm nothing but average. but still, my average self.. do you really have time to look down like that?” ohmygod. this needs to be my life motto. Tanaka-senpai you outstandingly positive man, i crave for his attitude-his viewpoint, way of dealing with sitautions and everything. it's so cool and awesome and just aAAAAA, how?! how is one capable of such thoughts?? please teach me. i beg of you. “i'm pretty sure i'm a normal human being. especially when it comes to my build and abilities. when i was a kid, i was convinced i was a genius. i might've thought that until i was in middle school. actually, i'm still sorta convinced that i am. but i'm probably never going to be 180cm tall. i'm confident in my athletic skills. but on our volleyball team, i'm not number one in anything at this point in time. but that's not a reason to quit, nor is it an excuse.” i'm screaming. just slapped the perspective and words i've longed to hear. what an ace, Tanaka-senpai deserves that title so much. it fits so perfectly. “as long as i keep trying until i can do it... i can actually do it!” yes, thank you, Tanaka-senpai, Furudate-sensei, for proving that giving up is just an illusion of success. once you've tried enough and you can finally do it, you've finally done it. it's possible.

I REPEAT, TANAKA RYUUNOSUKE DESERVES SO MUCH APPRECIATION. HE'S SUCH A BEAUTIFULLY WRITTEN CHARACTER, AND WE ALL SHOULD SHOWER OUR LOVE TO HIM.

p.s i wrote this on the spur of the moment, (milliseconds after the episode ended) pardon if i dont make sense<3 just love tanaka ryuunosuke<3 thats all you need to know<33

[corysmiles]

IT IS TIME FOR ANOTHER ENTRY IN THE POTION AU!!

This is full of nothing and fluff, so prepare lmao

After a while, they began organizing group dinners, where they would all meet up in the evening and eat together. It took a bit of convincing Tommy's parents, but they accepted more easily when they realized it was just between close friends. Wilbur was already living on his own so it was no problem and Phil always was a free spirit. 

And so, at least once a week, they met up at Techno's abode to spend the night together.

Tommy was elated to see all of the furniture now 10 times his size, and all the objects and decoration. "We're gonna have to try and play Hide and Seek, big man. Because this looks like the best fucking playground!" Wilbur, meanwhile, was looking in awe at the whole thing. It felt weird to be so not rightly scaled, but he got used to it soon enough.

Phil was the most surprising of all, due to the fact that he wasn't surprised at all. Even unbothered, in fact. Techno wondered if he was faking it to make him feel better, but everything seemed honest. For someone who claims to never have interacted with giants, he acted as if this was his everyday life. One day he wanted to ask him about that, but he figured those were not the time.

And so they would gather around, bringing each a part of the meal so they could enjoy together. 

Sometimes, techno would drink the potion and join them, other times, he would stay at his regular size and simply enjoy the conversation. It was fine like that, Techno liked it. And his friends didn't seem to mind so it was perfect. (Well, Phil kind of minded, but he was always like that whenever he as much as looked at the potion so that wasn't really anything to go by.)

But it was nice, Wilbur would even bring his guitar from time to time, noticing Techno had a violin. He hasn't touched the instrument in a while but seeing Wilbur play the guitar, it was very tempting. 

"You should try and play again, Techno! We could even make a duet! That would be fun"

"Maybe one day, yeah… but I would need to practice, it's been years."

"Well I don't know violin" Phil perked up "but I'm around Tommy almost everyday, so I'm used to bad sounds" he chuckled

"WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN??"Tommy argued, baffled, which made the other three laugh. 

"But yeah, I think I'm gonna try to play again, it could be fun."

"How did you even get a violin this size? Are there giant shop owners ?"

Techno crackled at that "Na. I made it myself. Took a while, but I'm proud of the result."

Wilbur made an "ooohh" before returning to his meal with a smile. 

It was pretty quiet for a while, everyone enjoying the silence before Wilbur perked up again. 

"I'm wondering, are there giant animals? Like cows or chicken? How do you eat?" 

Phil's fork almost dropped on the plate and looked at Wil with wide eyes, while Tommy added "hey yeah! You never eat with us when you're all big, how come?"

Techno smirked a bit at the question, and his hand reached for a counter. "Actually" he said, grabbing and showing an object they knew all too well "This is why I brought the potion in the first place." 

Wilbur looked confused, but kept smiling, while Tommy exclaimed "wait, really?!?" 

He chuckled "yeah. If creatures like that exist, I never found any. So I started hunting and eating stuff at human size, so when the potion effects wears off, it's like I ate a meal my size. That's how it started, pretty funny when you think about it."

Wilbur laughed a bit "yeah, who would've thought it would lead to this."

"Not me, that's for sure" techno confirmed.

The rest of the meal was spent in comfortable silence. Yet he could feel another question lingered in the brunette's tongue. Carefully, he bopped his hair with one of his fingers, and ruffled his hair gently, which made Wilbur laugh. It wasn't holding yet, but he was getting better at the whole contact thing. "What's stuck in that head of yours, Wilbur?" 

The other continued to laugh a bit even after techno stopped, and he sheepishly smiled. "Well, I have a question, but it might come off as very rude, so I don't know if I should ask."

Phil turned to Wilbur, with an almost scolding glare "wilbur, don-" 

"It's alright, Phil." He lifted a hand before turning his gaze towards Wilbur "ask away."

"Well… About the, hm… myths. Is that… is any of it true?" He finally said, clearly trying to word it inoffensively. 

It was vague enough that Tommy didn't know what he was talking about, and Phil stayed silent, though his brows furrowed. 

Techno bore a small, earnest smile. There was something that could be mistaken for sadness, but it wasn’t quite. 

"Maybe a long time ago, but not that I know of. Giants heard of it too, but from tales and legends taking place so long ago the line between fiction and reality is a huge blur." he couldn't blame Wilbur for his curiosity, and he was surprised the question didn't even make him nervous. He was glad. Very glad. 

"And I didn't meet a lot of giants in my lifetime, but none of them did it, so yeah. Maybe it was true at one point, but I think if it still was, humans would clearly be aware of it."

Wilbur hummed, satisfied with the answer. He took another bite of his meal "yeah, I mean to us, it's only a myth, so it makes sense. Thanks." 

"No problem?" Techno had an amused smile on his face. Wilbur was a weird one sometimes, asking the weirdest or scariest things with only a childish smile on his face. 

Tommy turned to look at wilbur, then technoblade, then wilbur again, before speaking “What the fuck are you two talking abou-”

“Nothing” They hummed in unison. 

--

Eventually, the night fell completely and it was time for the humans to go home. They waved goodbye and walked toward the exit, but before they walked through the door, Wilbur turned around sharply and prompted "Can I sleep at your house tonight?" 

Techno, phil and tommy were all taken aback. "You can go home if you want" he reassured the two blonds "I just really like Techno's house." 

"Uhh" techno hesitated. It's not like Wilbur was in any danger, he was careful not to fall from heights… and he would be dead sooner than letting his friends get hurt. 

"You don't have to, if you would rather sleep alone" the brunette was quick to add once he saw the small tension in Techno's stance.

"I think it'd be fine. I spent nights at your house after all, it's only fair. Yeah, you can stay." Techno settled on, earning another bright smile from the human. 

After a couple of minutes, it was just the two of them. It was a bit awkward, seeing as it was the first time Techno was at real size on a one on one. But Wilbur didn't seem to see it that way, enjoying the view. 

"Want me to join you down there?" He asked. 

"Nope! You don't have to worry about a thing!" Wilbur simply replied, grabbing on a drawer handle and slowly making his way up. Techno was quick to put his hand below in case he fell.

"You could have warned me!" Techno complained, to which the other simply laughed a quick "sorry". Not stopping at all. 

After almost falling only twice (and techno almost getting a heart attack two times), Wilbur made it onto a safe platform. The two sighed,one from exhaustion, the other from relief. And he laughed again.

"Tommy wasn't lying. This house really is an amazing playground." He stated, earning a snort from Techno.

"Did you want to stay at my house so you could play with the room without any remark?" He asked, amused. 

"Maybe" Wilbur admitted. “But I also like to spend some time with you. You’re always a comforting presence.” 

"Pff, yeah, right." Techno tried to ignore the warmth coming for his cheeks and ears. “You’re just saying that so I help you with something.” 

“No, no, I mean it, techno. You’re a good friend.” And when he turned to meet the human’s face, it was a simple, honest smile. They stared at each other for a moment, unspoken words being said. Unspoken promises being made. 

Techno stared at his friend’s eyes and saw: not fear. Not méfiance, not worry. His eyes were full of acceptance. Filled with joy and curiosity and wonder. It was the first time he had ever seen such an expression, and yet this look was dedicated to him. Wilbur had waited for them to be in absolute intimacy to offer him this moment.

A good friend.

Techno laughed. Quietly at first, but it grew and grew until the sounds filled the whole room. Wilbur could probably feel the vibration through his whole body but he couldn’t stop. The brunette soon joined in and happiness filled the entire room for god knows how long. Maybe it was two minutes, maybe it was an hour. 

The laughters quieted down eventually, and Techno noticed the fond way Wilbur looked at him. The warmth quickly reached his whole face as he failed to keep a neutral expression. He coughed to wash away his awkwardness. “What- what with that face?” 

"Nothing. It's just nice to see you less restrained." Wilbur smiled "you're always so careful when we're all together." 

"Well, I have to be careful around humans." He hummed, pointing a finger at his friend "you're so small."

"Eh. You couldn't bruise us even if you tried" wilbur shrugged off. "But it's nice! We should do this more often if that means I get to hear your laugh like that more."

Techno cursed himself for the smile that wouldn't wear off. 

"Yeah… maybe we should."

-Written by @melissa-s23 please send them love!!! I love the fluff so much

[nancylou444]

I forgot if i sent it to u or someone else so i'm sending it again anyway

Please Read this to the end and then judge me.

I do not understand at all why you and all other anti destiels dont ship destiel and think that dean is straight and i hate you for that from the bottom of my heart. i mean cant you see how dean truely loves cas and gives no shit about Sam, his brother?and also jensen and writers ship it.

You are so stupid and do not deserve to live in this world period

Read this list below.it may help you take off your anti destiel colored glasses and Accept the truth:which in fact is that Destiel Will become canon.

Reasons Why Destiel Will Definitely Become Canon Before The Show Ends 101:

1.Jensen Ackles: Destiel Doesn't Exist.

2.Jensen Ackles: Because Dean is a lover of the LADIES.

3.Dean will always choose SAM over anyone else.

4.SAM and Dean are soulmates.

5.Castiel: you chose EACHOTHER.

6.Jensen Ackles' Unscripted Frustrated look into the camera in "Fan Fiction" episode.wink wink

7.Jensen Ackles: there wasn't a whole lot of dean and cas storylines in season 9.personally,i kind of enjoyed that.

8.Jensen Ackles: i think the whole dean and cas thing has gotten a little out of proportion.

9.Jensen Ackles: "destiel is real" is it?? Where?? Where is it real??

10.Jensen Ackles: What? What castiel? Nah just me and my pies!

11.Jensen Ackles: We sit down with the writers in a couple weeks. It boils down to these two brothers, that’s the core and the heart of the show, their journey, their fight for each other.

12. “You are homophobic if you don’t ship destiel!"

13.Dean Winchester is fuckin Straight.

14.Eric Kripke : I'm just really interested in guys, STRAIGHT guys who have a tight friendship,they are really fun to write...

15.Dean Winchester: I'm Dean winchester.i enjoy sunsets,long walks on the bitch and frisky WOMEN.

16.Dean Winchester : I dont swing that way.sorry.

17.Dean winchester : yeah sorry again pal i dont play for your team.

18.Dean sold his soul for SAM.

19.Dean died so that he could meet with Death and get SAM’s soul back which of course Castiel left in hell.

20.Dean gave away the Impala and was willing to die with a Croatoan infected SAM.

21.Dean breathed in the poisonous smoke, so that he would die with SAM.

22.Dean wanted out of an AU with Mary and Jessica alive, because AU!SAM didn’t like Dean that much.

23.SAM and Dean made promise to each other, made vows to each other really, in a church.

24.SAM and Dean choose each other over the world, anything, and everything, EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

25. Dean refers to SAM as though HE is his spouse (”does he want a divorce?”, “Lucy”...)

26.Dean would rather live in a world WITH demons than live in a world WITHOUT SAM.

27.When Dean forgot everything else, including his own name, he still remembered SAM.

28.Dean : I can’t do it without my brother, I don’t want to 

29.Dean to Sam :You’re the ONLY one who could’ve talked me out of it 

30.Dean to Sam :There ain’t no me if there ain’t no YOU.

31.Dean to Sam :“Because whatever we have between us, love, family, whatever this is, they’re always going to us it against us.”

32.Dean to Sam: “You’re my weak spot SAMMY, and I’m yours”

33.Dean or Sam i dont remember: “All that matters now, all that’s ever mattered, is that we’re together.“

34. Dean to Sam :“Don’t you dare think that there is anything, past or present, that I would put in front of you!“

35.Dean to Sam : “I made you a promise in that church, you and me, come whatever!”

36.The canon friendship between Dean and Castiel is toxic and borderline-abusive, full of lies, threats, insults, abandonment, beatings, and betrayals.

37. Sam, possessed by the devil himself, took control of his own body and beat Lucifer because Dean was there, because Dean didn’t give up even though he was hurt and covered in blood, because seeing Dean bombarded Sam with the memories of their life together.

38. Dean didn’t leave SAM’s bedside , didn’t bury him, didn’t burn his body, didn’t want to say goodbye, and how later he didn’t hesitate to sell his soul.

39.Dean decided not to go into a box, because SAM asked him not to.

40.SAM and Dean were the ones whom were mistaken with gay couple by several people if that matters.

41.SAM to Dean :“you always put me first. Your whole life”,

42.Dean to SAM: “I know where I am at my best, and that is right here, driving down crazy street next to you”,

43.Sam or Dean i dont remember:“you know what brought me back? You did”.

44.Dean’s siren-as admitted by the siren herself-was a copy of SAM.

45.Dean told a male cop "you're awsome".OMG!! He is bi!!!

46.Dean fanboyed over a male tv character.Holy Chuck!! He is bi!!

47.Jensen or Jared:“At its core, it’s the story of two brothers.”

48.Jensen or Jared:“At the end of the day, this starts and stops with the brothers.”

49.Jensen or Jared:“When it comes down to it, it’s about these two brothers.”

50.Dean told Castiel to get the hell outta bunker for SAM while he knew he didnt have his angel powers.Damn! Dean truely loves Cas!

51.Dean figured Castiel was too far gone to be convinced back into their group and bound Death to do their bidding. Dean’s order to Death was to kill Castiel where he stood.#couplegoals

52.Castiel blackmailed Dean by torturing SAM.oh dear god!!! What a True Lover!!

53.Castiel Betrayed sam amd DEAN with crowley.but that's what all lovers do Right???

54.This isnt some romantic show.

55. Castiel is a genderless celestial wavelength of light wearing a male vessel.

56.Dean's chemistry with Baby the Impala is far more noticable than the one with Castiel.

57.Sam even once asked Dean and Baby the impala to get a room.

58.The possibility of Dean and Baby the impala to get sexually involved and the two of them having sex in the finale full frontal is far more than the possibility of non existant Destiel to become canon.

59.Destiel shippers are only a tiny minority of the SPN fandom.

60.Jensen Ackles is fucking done with this shit.

61.Dean left Ben and Lisa for SAM.

62.Misha Collins is the only one who queerbaits.

63.Dean in "red meat" described SAM as the man he loved.

64.Dean sang in a colorful background.OMFG!! he is bi!!

65.Jesen ackles : because being with his BROTHER and doing that is the happiest he is.

66.Dean to SAM: "because i couldnt live with you dead"

67.What show you've been watching???

68.Jared : because that would have RUINED the show to make it about something it wasnt about.

69.Dean has kissed and had sex with an angel.her name was Anna

70.Sera Gamble said “supernatural is the epic love story of SAM and dean”

71.Cw_supernatural IG: it has always been two brothers and the open road.

.

.

.

*Manic laughter*

*Aggressively drop the mic*

*The door is over there*

*Boom! Suck it*

*It sucks to be destieheller*

You are very welcome

Btw I'm a Proud anti destiew and a logical SPN fan.

If You think I'm right,then Chuck bless your logical souls and if not,let me find some fucks to give....sorry,none was found.

The begining part was an example of a savage destieheller.it wasn't me😊ignore it.

Yours truly,anon.

=============================

Holy crap, that is one longass ask. An ask I was thisclose to deleting until I skipped to the bottom. 

💖💖💖💖💖

[burningember0802]

Someone Like Me

summary : first, once again, i suck at summaries. Kaz meets a friend of Nina’s that he didn’t know about who is more like him than anyone else he’s ever met and that scares him more than he’d like.

It's a relaxing evening at the slat, or at least as much as it can be in Ketterdam. All the crows were sitting around a table talking and having a great night, even Kaz. He won't show it but he enjoys nights like this more than he'd like to admit. Nina and Jesper were laughing and talking about who knows what while Matthais sat with a loving smile on his face, Wylan and Inej sat talking about his newest tests, and Kaz sat just listening and watching, enjoying the time with his friends; his family. "Oh, Kaz! My friend is supposed to stop by tonight and drop off some things I asked her for so don't be surprised if we get a knock soon." Nina mentions. "You have friends?" He sarcastically said. "For a matter of fact, I do. She's amazing, I think you should meet her. She'd be a great addition to the crows. She's a fabrickator, both a Durast and an Alkemi. She is also the smartest person I've ever met, and the best fighter too. I've watched her and Matthais spar and she took him down in seconds easily. She's insanely good, Kaz. She'd be a great asset to the team. I think you'd like her too, she has similar interests among other stuff." She explains. Kaz thought for a moment before responding. "We'll see if I agree with you once I meet her." Nina thanks him with a smile and goes back to her conversation.

Kaz wasn't sure how he felt about the thought of bringing someone else onto the team. It was another person who could betray him, another person he could get attached to, another weakness. Not just anyone can join the crows, they had to earn it.

About half an hour later there was a knock at the slat door. Nina excitedly hopped up to get it. "It's her!" The heartrender almost squealed. The door opened to a girl, probably about 5'6 who has (H/L), (H/C) hair. She was gorgeous with a button nose that supported her thin-rimmed glasses, full lips, striking (E/C) eyes, and a curvy figure. She was wearing a tight green turtle neck, black pants, boots, and carrying a satchel on her shoulder. Kaz swears he almost felt himself stop breathing. The feeling he got when he saw her, despite not knowing her, scared him in a way he didn't like. He decided to push it down and continue on with the night.

Nina invited the girl inside with a smile that was returned by her. The girls walked back to the table where the rest of the group sat. "Y/N, the crows, the crows, Y/N." She introduced them all. Multiple greetings were heard around the table from everyone except Kaz of course. Y/N shyly waved with a soft smile. "I brought those things you asked about," Y/N said quickly changing the subject. She opened her bag and pulled out 3 boxes and set them on the table. She opened the first one which held a seemingly normal knife. "Here's the knife you asked about with the poison injection abilities. There are three vials in the box and there's one in the handle already. It injects a few drops upon impact, it’s potent so it will kill someone with just a few drops." Y/N said showing how to open the handle and where the vial was. She proceeded to open the next box that was full of bullets. "These are the bullets that explode upon impact you asked about." She said before setting them back down. You could see Inej eyeing up the knife and Jesper doing the same to the bullets. She finally opened the last box which revealed 7 sets of earpieces. "These are the earpieces, they have microphones in them to communicate from long distances." She almost mumbled, obviously nervous around all the people. Kaz had been watching the girl in shock the whole time she spoke. Nina didn't lie, she was insanely talented and would be a good asset.

"You're the best Y/N!" Nina exclaimed, making a quick movement to go to hug the girl. She quickly stopped when Y/N flinched slightly. No one else besides Y/N, Nina, and Kaz had realized it with everyone else too busy looking at the new gear. "Shit, fuck I'm sorry Y/N it was a mistake." Nina started apologizing profusely. "Nina, it's fine. Mistakes happen. I'm just a freak anyway." She said quietly. Kaz felt his heart clench at that. She was like him, she was anything but a freak though. "Anyway, I should probably get going." She said, staring at her feet. "You should stay for a while, meet everyone." Nina tried to convince her. Y/N was obviously apprehensive. "You should stay," Kaz said before he could stop himself. Both Nina and Y/N turned towards him quickly. Nina had a shocked look on her face, surprised that Dirtyhands would ever suggest that he wanted someone to stay. She thought for a second and smiled slightly and nodded.

The girl sat down at the last empty chair at the table, which happened to be next to Kaz. She immediately pulled into herself out of habit, bringing on her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around it, making herself as small as possible. Jesper and Inej immediately started asking questions about their new tools to which Y/N answered gladly. Kaz watched them contently, especially Y/N. She looked really happy talking about what she loved. Soon the conversations turned away from solely her after the crows had their fill of integrating. "Kaz, Y/N is the most knowledgeable person I've met about books, you guys have that in common," Nina mentions. Y/N glances at him with a soft smile. Everything about her made Kaz's fight or flight kick in. She was weirdly comforting but at the same time kicked on every instinct he had. He felt the need to run but also never move again. "What's your favorite genre of books?" Y/N asked the boy. Kaz missed having someone to talk to about interests like this, the rest of the crows weren't into things like this. Trying to make him comfortable she answers first. "I tend to read realistic fiction or fantasy." Kaz studied her face constantly looking for any signs that she wasn't genuine. "I like fantasy or mystery books." He answers. She gets a huge smile. He liked that, she had a genuine smile, that's rare in the barrel. Her smile was slightly lopsided and full of joy. "Mysteries are the best, I'm always on the edge of my seat. Sometimes I feel like I can't put the book down even when I have stuff to get done." She laughs. Kaz almost felt himself smirk. "Those are the best ones." He answers genuinely. "I just finished this amazing book, it's about the story of Achilles but from the point of view of Patroclus. It's called the song of Achilles and it's amazing." She says with a smile. "I'll have to borrow it sometime." He says. At that moment the two of them weren't even paying attention to the crows around them anymore, so they didn't see the knowing look from Nina.

The group all continued to talk and have a good time. Everyone liked Y/N a lot. Nina was accurate in her description of her. She was super smart and sweet. At one point they were talking about combat strategies and she was asked "What's the quickest way to win a fight?" by Jesper. Matthias let out a loud snort at that question, knowing the brunette's skills. "Are we talking immobilizing or killing? Those are two different answers." She says with a smirk. The girl had come out of her shell within the past hour and had grown more comfortable around the group. "Both?" Jesper said, confused. "For immobilization, the quickest way is to slice their Achilles tendon on the back of their ankle, if you do that they're not moving. Also, you always go for the eyes, nose, and groin, and if you use the bottom of the palm of your hand you can shatter someone's nose since that's the strongest part of your hand. Besides the Achilles tendon, the other easiest way if you know how to do it is there's a nerve on the side of your neck that if you squeeze right, knocks them out. Then if the purpose is killing you go for the neck, wrist, or thigh because that's where your main arteries are." She said matter of factly. Kaz almost laughed at how the girl said it.

That was the start of it all. Shortly after this first meeting Y/N started coming around more and more and everyone loved her, including Kaz. Kaz had started having more than friendly feelings towards her a couple months after meeting. The crows were eventually able to convince her to join so she was now living at the slat, making Kaz’s life a living hell. He felt like his heart was beating out of his chest constantly, and he knew that Nina knew this too with her heartrender skills. Nina was constantly giving him knowing looks and all he did was glare back at her. Kaz was drawn to her like no one else.

The two of them had become close over the last year, closer than most. They would often sit and talk for hours, a lot of times about books or anything else that came to their minds. Y/N was often like lightning in a bottle, constantly moving and going a million miles an hour. She seemed hyper and impulsive on the outside but Kaz knew she was very strategic and methodical. She was insanely smart, which she often used to her advantage to beat Kaz in chess to his dismay. Both parties had developed feelings for each other but both were too scared to tell the other because they’re idiots but the universe was going to find a way to get them together.

The heist the crows had tonight was insanely important. The group was supposed to go to a merchant party because while the merchant and everyone else was distracted they were going to steal a necklace that was held in the wife’s vanity room. The necklace was worth an insane amount of money so the crows took the task right away.

The only problem with the heist was that Y/N and Kaz had to be the two who had to fake being a couple at the party to keep the merchant distracted so the others could get the necklace. “We have to do what?” Y/N exclaimed when she found out her role. She felt her chest clench at the thought of being around that many people. “I need Inej on the roofs, Jesper on the ground as backup, Wylan as a waiter ready to cause a distraction if need be, and Nina and Mattaius getting the necklace so we’re the only two left.” Kaz grumbles, obviously not happy about the situation either. Both of them sucked it up for the money.

The night of the heist Y/N was the last to be ready since she had to wear a dress and makeup. She stepped down the stairs to where the crows were waiting. As soon as she stepped into the room there were joking whistles and screams from all the crows except Kaz. Kaz stood there in shock, his breath taken away. Emma was wearing a black dress with stars on it, a simple pair of black heels, several pieces of silver moon and star jewelry and finally topping it off with a few moon and star hair pins pinning back some of her hair. She looked gorgeous.

As they got closer and closer to the party both Y/N and Kaz became increasingly more nervous. “We don’t have to touch.” She says breaking the silence between them as they were dragging behind the group. “We have to and we both know it. If we don’t touch like a couple they’ll become suspicious. I know neither of us like touch but we’ll have to deal with it.” Kaz quickly responds, his voice rigid. She just nodded, not wanting to make this night worse.

Everyone got in their positions as soon as they made it to the house, leaving Kaz and Y/N near the entrance. Kaz hesitantly grabs her hand; he was shocked when he did. He didn’t panic as much as he thought. Kaz’s aversion was worse than Y/N’s for sure since hers was mainly quick movements and things related to abuse but Kaz’s was any kind of touch. All he felt was Jordie when he touched anyone, the stench of the air, the cold water around him, the stiff body he was clenching on to. He didn’t immediately drown touching her though, he felt the waters come up but they stopped, going no further.

As the two of them continued through the night the touches became easier and more frequent, it almost felt...real. Both of them deep inside wished it was. They wished the other loved them back. The two of them got many compliments throughout the night on how cute they were and questions about how they met among other things. The way Kaz would wrap his arm around her waist made her heart stop, the way Y/N put her hand on his shoulder and smiled at him did the same to Kaz.

Once Nina and Mattaius got the necklace everyone made their way back to the slat. Everyone was happy and ready to celebrate a successful heist except for Kaz and Y/N. They had a tension that wouldn’t go away. Both knew they’d have to talk about it or it’d ruin further heists but neither wanted to make the first move. So once they got to the slat both of them lingered at the door after everyone else. “Can-” “We should-” they both went to say at the same time. They couldn’t help but laugh at how in tune they were. “We need to talk about things.” Y/N says. “I know.” Kaz says, anxiety in his voice. “I like you Kaz.” the girl states plainly, shocking the bastard of the barrel. He couldn’t say the words he wanted to but he had to say something. “Yes.” was all he could manage out. It would sound stupid to anyone else but to Y/N and Kaz they both knew what that meant. “I can never touch you like you might want though.” He says anxiously. “Kaz, I have just as much of an issue with touch as you. Physical affection isn’t something I need in a relationship. If we really want to, we can work on our aversions together.” She answers with a comforting smile. Kaz nods,knowing she's right. “So together?” Kaz questions, trying to confirm that she is his and he is hers. She nods with a smile.

That was the start of it all. The start of the King and Queen of Ketterdam, taking it over together.

[plasticnightmaredoll]

I thought I'd make some comments about the first episode of "The Falcon and the Winter Soldier," kind of in the same way I made a post about my thoughts on the "WandaVision" season finale. I don't plan on doing a post with my thoughts, opinions, and theories for EVERY episode of TFatWS because a) I don't have that kind of time or patience, b) Things are probably going to change left and right as the series progresses, just like in "WandaVision" so I don't see a need to document all of this, c) I ramble enough as it is lol

Of course, there are spoilers under the cut, so if you haven't seen the first episode, then I suggest you...don't look under the cut! If you have seen the episode and just want to see what another MCU/Marvel fan thinks, or if you don't care about spoilers, then have at it.

I will say that the first episode of "The Falcon and the Winter Soldier" (I'm going to refer to it as TFatWS from now on because that title is long af) was good and brought forth lots of mystery and intrigue, but it didn't grab my attention quite as much as the first episode of "WandaVision." But this may be due to the fact that WV was just so bizarre right from the start, and there were tons of questions right out the door. So, the mystery (and confusion) was more intense than for TFatWS.

I still plan on finishing TFatWS, but I hope it picks up a little more in the next episodes.

Another thing I will mention that's really not much of a spoiler: Poor Bucky! Just like Wanda, he needs a damn break already 😭

And lastly, I haven't read any Marvel comics because I just don't have the time, energy, patience, sanity right now to devote to them. That, and I have always preferred manga (Berserk is still my favorite manga/graphic novel of all time. Hell, it's my favorite fictional story of all time! And the 90s anime is one of my favorite series ever). My Marvel knowledge is heavily based on what the MCU has provided, but I do know things that happen in the comics because I do read up on various comparisons between the comics and the MCU entries and people's theories based on the comics. So, I'm not completely clueless.

Ok, spoiler time!

I don't really have a list of things I liked and disliked for this first episode of TFatWS because it's just way too early for that kind of stuff, and who knows where the series is going to go from here. I'll just make a list of thoughts and opinions:

James "Bucky" Barnes/The Winter Soldier

POOR BUCKY! I mean, goddamn, this man can't get a break. We see just how much his time as a Hydra agent affected him, causing him to have nightmares about those he killed while brainwashed. He's closed himself off from others because he's depressed, burdened with immense guilt, and probably feels like he's not worth helping at this point.

I also like how we got to see just how negatively he was affected by being at war for so long. He'd be put into hibernation by Hydra, and awoke every time to go kill some people. Rinse and repeat. That was his life, which isn't much of a life if you ask me. The same happened when he was freed from their control and while it's understandable why he had to fight in "Infinity War" and "Endgame," it was clearly a lot for him to handle. He didn't get a lot of peace, and even now that things have settled, he still has no peace.

At first, I was wondering why Bucky was going out of his way to befriend his elderly neighbor, Mr. Nakashima since he wasn't associating with anyone else, not even Sam. Then we find out that Bucky was the one who murdered the old man's son why under Hydra control. He can't bring himself to tell Mr. Nakashima because it's too painful and he's too ashamed. He's trying to prepare for it, I suppose, by befriending the man, but at the same time, I don't think it's going to be less unpleasant to deliver the news.

I literally felt heartbroken for Bucky when I realized that he had killed Mr. Nakashima's son. Like, omfg, Bucky, this poor guy...he has to live with these painful memories of things he was forced to do and it's depressing to witness.

I know it seems weird that no one recognizes who Bucky is, but I have a theory on that: Those that do are people who actually know him or those who have seen his face at the Smithsonian. Those who don't recognize him may never have been to the museum or simply didn't remember his face. I mean, Captain America was the main focus of the exhibit, and he was in the public eye all the time, so Bucky could easily be forgotten. Also, after the Blip, people clearly have had a lot to deal with after being missing for several years while the rest of the world put itself back together. Bucky is the least of their concerns.

Sam Wilson/Falcon

Sam, our good boy Sam. I was expecting him to keep Captain America's shield, even if he didn't use it right away. I mean, I know in "Endgame" he said it feels like it belongs to someone else, but I thought he'd change his mind and keep it. But he ends up donating it to the Captain America exhibit, which was unfortunate. I mean, I understand why, and I thought, "Well, he can just go grab it later" but then...well, that's going to be discussed later.

I was glad Sam kept trying to reach out to Bucky despite how things seemed very tense between them before. I can understand why he didn't just visit in person because that would have overwhelmed Bucky. I am suffering from severe depression and I know how difficult it can be to have a surprise guest attempt to make chit chat. Not fun.

We find out how Sam's sister has been trying to make ends meet during the Blip. Things aren't going well financially for her, and she is considering selling their father's boat to bring in some much-needed funds. Sam tries to help by convincing her to go to a bank and take out a loan. He hopes that his status could help influence the bank's decision as well.

But that isn't in the cards. The bank can't approve the loan because now there are regulations post-Blip regarding such matters. Not even Sam's status as Falcon -- an AVENGER -- amounts to much. Then the accountant awkwardly behaved like a fanboy during the whole meeting, even going so far as to ask for a selfie from Sam during the most inconvenient moment. This scene shows, to me, that being an Avenger doesn't change everything, yet, they're still famous and loved (for the most part). It's a strange feeling: "We love you guys for all you've done, but yeah, we can't really help you out."

I'm glad Marvel is choosing to show the negative effects of the Blip. It's great everyone returned but...everyone literally popped back into existence. We saw some of this chaos in "WandaVision," and we're seeing more in TFatWS. It's a realistic approach because, like, yeah, people being gone for several years, presumed forever missing then suddenly reappearing out of thin air is pretty extreme. Not to mention, those who returned didn't always find their loved ones and friends waiting for them (i.e. Monica's mother died during the Blip)

Flag Smasher

Not much to say here other than we have a new villain to watch out for who clearly has superhuman abilities. The cause that his group stands for threatens to make things even worse post-Blip than they already are, and geez, give people a break already! But you always have fanatics that will terrorize others for a cause.

Captain America 2.0

Who is this random white boy and why is he the new Captain America? I know who he is from the comics but that doesn't make it any better. It just makes it worse! This guy's going to be a disaster, clearly.

Sam realized at that moment he fucked up by giving the shield away, but this can only mean he'll find a way to retrieve and -- hopefully -- take up the Captain America mantle. Captain Falcon? Captain America Falcon? Captain Falcon America? I suppose you can have fun with that.

[kdramaanalyst]

THE KING: ETERNAL MONARCH REVIEW

EDIT: I AM SO SORRY, THIS IS A SECONDARY BLOG AND I JUST LEARNED THAT I CAN'T REPLY TO COMMENTS. PLEASE CHECK MY PINNED BLOG WHERE I WROTE ABOUT THIS PROBLEM. THANK YOU!

Spoilers ahead!!! Read at your own risk. Once again, I am not an expert and these are my personal opinions. If you have disagreements, let's talk it over. Don't judge me, let's judge the show together instead and have an understanding.

For the first drama that I am going to review, I chose The King: Eternal Monarch. A lot of viewers who supported the show with all of their hearts could still not get over its ending. Others who like to binge-watch are relieved because they can finally watch the entire series without waiting for a new episode to air. While some are still mulling over about watching it. Well, I hope I could help you with this review.

• Introduction to the Drama

Short gist:

The story revolves around Lee Gon, present King of Kingdom of Corea. He witnessed his father’s death when he was young, an incident that haunted him until he grew older. Due to unfortunate circumstances, a legendary flute with powers called Manpasikjeok that can open different worlds was cut in half. He was able to get hold half of the flute, while the other half was obtained by Lee Lim, his uncle who killed his father. Lee Lim had been going back and forth two different worlds, plotting foul pursuits to fulfill his evil desires, and disrupting the peace between the two worlds. In order to restore balance and order, Lee Gon also traveled between worlds, meeting Jeong Tae Eul who soon became a significant person in his life.

If you've been watching Korean Dramas for quite a while now, you must be familiar with some of the characters of The King: Eternal Monarch, especially the lead.

If you call yourself a k-drama fan and you don't know who Lee Minho is, give yourself a slap (just kidding, please don't take that seriously). Lee Minho has a good reputation because of his experience, acting skills and obviously, his gorgeous face. He has an impressive list of successful dramas and movies! Most of us probably knew him through his breakthrough role in Boys Over Flowers.

Meanwhile, Kim Go Eun, despite being fairly new to small screen (she first started appearing in movies), is also highly distinguished by a lot of k-drama fans. In all three dramas she starred in, including The King, she always got the lead role. His leading men are no joke either. And because of Kim Go Eun, many of us still wants to be the goblin's bride.

Among the cast also includes the familiar faces of Woo Do Hwan, Kim Kyung Nam, Jung Eun Chae, and Lee Jung Jin.

Anyway, I'll try to share every thought I have from the first time I watched it until it ended. I will also try not to give so much spoilers because the drama just ended. I will talk first about my experience watching it and then I will list at the very bottom some of the issues I have and that list contains major spoilers so watch out for that. As you notice, I always warn you with spoilers using red font color.

• The Experience

When I watched the first teaser of the drama, I got intrigued and a little confused. What worlds are they talking about? Do they have super powers? Is this a historical drama? Questions were instantly formed in my head.

It also reminded me of the drama Queen In Hyun's Man because of a similar scene where the leading man is riding his horse in the middle of the city and finding his woman. But that's just it, the two dramas are completely different. I just mentioned it because others may have felt the same way.

I don't usually watch dramas while it's still fresh. I wait for about two to three weeks before the schedule of the ending so I can binge watch without waiting so much. When I watched The King, there were already 12 episodes available on Netflix. Usually, I would finish 12 episodes in 1-3 days, and if the drama is really good and it's MY STYLE (i said that in an obviously fake Korean accent), I could watch it for an entire day.

However, I finished those 12 episodes in 2 weeks...

Why??? Why did it take me that long???

I wouldn't say I was bored, it's just that during the first few episodes, nothing caught my interest yet. I wasn't convinced that it was a good drama. There was nothing special and I didn't know what to look forward to that's why I couldn't watch it continuously. I got lazy. The pace was slow and the story build up was a little stagnant. It was too slow that I even started watching a long length saeguk just so I can watch something else.

I could have skipped some parts and dropped it but I continued watching and gave it a chance. Though it was a good thing that I didn't stop because as I watched more episodes, the story actually became more exciting. Finally, I saw some progress. I started to get invested in the drama after the eighth episode. That's when the story felt more alive. Finally, there were revelations, more conflicts arose, more emotions were shown, and the story got deeper. I began to appreciate the drama. However, I still don't like the fact that it took me 8 episodes before I started to like it.

• Points that I Liked About the Drama

1. The plot seemed like it's going to be too science fiction-y but it's just the right amount. I was worried that it might be too much for me to handle but it was just okay (i am a potato who dislikes thinking so much, but that depends on my mood lololol). I liked how there's a mix of history in the drama, as well as of politics but it still feels modern. There is a balance.

2. The distinction between the Kingdom of Corea and Republic of Korea is impressive. It's obvious that they put a lot of effort in building their vision of KOC to life.

3. Many people were saying that it's hella confusing and so much was going on. I don't think so. They actually made it easy for viewers to understand about parallel worlds. You don't have to study science facts just to get this drama's concept. I think the slow pace did its job well in this part.

4. The story is unpredictable. You never know what's going to happen next, that's the strength of The King's concept. Because of the two different worlds and the crazy number of characters, there could be a lot of possibilities and backstories.

5. The action scenes are commmendable. I liked the action scenes, the one during the last episode is probably my favorite.

• Points that I Didn't Like About the Drama

1. The slow pace. I don't think I still need to explain more but it totally ruined my whole experience of watching the drama.

2. Many characters didn't leave much impact. Their acting was great, however, I don't see a lot of personalities that standout. The most remarkable ones for me are the characters played by Woo Do Hwan. The other characters, especially the lead, the prime minister and the traitor were okay, too. The others were just bland and years from now, I probably won't remember most of them.

• The Ending (spoiler alert!)

The ending was good. It didn't feel rushed and everyone had a separate ending of their own. I just wished there was more Nari and Eunsup / Yeong and Seung A moment in the end, the conclusion was fine though. I don't like that Prime Minister Koo ended up in jail but Luna became a cop...

I just have one issue regarding the ending that they decided on. In the end they didn't show if Tae Eul became a queen. Well, it would be weird if she became one considering there is Luna in KOC. They can't be together in ROK, too because Gon's counterpart was able to live. So... what? They just kept traveling whenever they have time? Because if that's the case, doesn't that mean they will hide their relationship forever??? I liked that they ended up together but I wish they also kept this in mind. Because it kinda makes me sad. Lol.

• Final Thoughts

Overall, it was alright. It was over-hyped by netizens due to the amazing casting and promotions, but it's not bad at all.

Would I watch it again? No.

Would I recommend it? Yes. Give it a try! I honestly thought I wouldn't like it but I still did, even if it took me 8 episodes, I wouldn't say it wasn't worth it. If you enjoy fantasy dramas with complicated twists and conflicts, this drama is for you. Just have patience and prepare yourself mentally when you've reached the middle. This drama is gloomy and a little heavy, too. It was serious and has a very few humorous scenes.

I am giving The King: Eternal Monarch a 7/10. ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

• The King: Eternal Monarch OST Top 5

There are 13 songs in total and everything is so good! I wish I got to hear more of the songs in the drama, some were just played briefly. I swear every song makes me feel things. Choosing just 5 songs is really hard. If you don't watch dramas but love music, give these a listen!!!

My Day Is Full Of You by Zico, Wendy

Orbit by Hwasa

I Fall In Love by Ha Sungwoon

I Just Want To Stay With You by Zion.T

Please Don't Cry by Davichi

Now I'll move on to some of my "issues". This section isn't really what you think. The word "issues" is just intriguing ㅋㅋㅋ but this is just a compilation of my opinions, observations, feelings and other stuff no one might care about in the series. If you have answers for my questions or if you can explain it for me, please enlighten me. Major spoiler ahead!!!

• Issues

1. During the time when Lee Gon was time traveling and finally got back to Repuplic of Korea, it probably took him a lot of time, right? He even took his time to take care of Tae Eul in the hospital. I wish they also showed what was happening in Kingdom of Corea during that time because he's a king and his absence might have caused a ruckus in his kingdom. I can even picture the palace lady Noh getting really worried as Lee Gon travels. The moment he came back, they only gave him updates as if everything was okay.

But since they didn't show it, I guess it is safe to assume that nothing much happened in his kingdom back then. 🤷‍♀️

2. When Gon and Tae Eul met again in Gwanghwamun, why did Tae Eul hug him? In my understanding, at that period of time, Tae Eul only met him twice—once when she was 5 and once when she was 27. So why did she hug him suddenly as if she knows he's going to be a significant person in her life? Their dialogue when they met again when she was 27 wasn't even enough for her to act that way.

3. I hope they also gave Nari more lines and importance. Maybe it's just me, but at first, I thought she and her KOC counterpart would have more significant roles. When I think of it, even without her, the story could still go on. Though this is just a minor issue. ✌

4. Prime Minister Koo. She was a villain, but I didn't really hate her until the last 4-5 episodes (can't recall the exact episode, sorry), though I wouldn't say I hated her so much. I actually liked her at first! She's ambitious, fierce, independent and intelligent. She just got blinded by greed.

My issue here is, am I really supposed to feel like that? In my opinion, her character has the potential to become more heinous and despiteful. I was wondering why they didn't turn her into someone like that? She was just greedy, bitchy, a little sly and annoying.

5. Lee Gon's and Tae Eul's love for each other was a little shallow. Sure, the man who saved Lee Gon when he was a child, had Tae Eul's ID. But how sure was Lee Gon that the woman who owns the I.D. is not a villain? The woman in the ID could lead him to the man who saved him, yes, but it still bugs me how easily they fell in love especially on Lee Gon's part. Maybe I'm just thinking too much. I am sorry. 😅

In spite of that, I still liked their love progression. I didn't ship them that hard but their chemistry wasn't cringey and forced.

6. The scene where Lee Gon gave Tae Eul flowers and then left, was a little confusing. It didn't break my heart, too. I just felt a little sad while watching that scene because Kim Go Eun's acting was good.

7. Who the f is thay yoyo boy??? My guts tell me he's a part of the flute or something because he knows a lot. But I wish it was explained more. It looked weird how he just suddenly appears sometimes and suddenly talks some sense. He remains a mystery.

8. Why the f is Jeong Tae Eul a flat earther??? Well, at least she had a character development in the end. It just annoyed me lmao

9. I don't get why people keep comparing The King: Eternal Monarch to Goblin. Why??? They don't even have the same plot or concept.

10. Court lady Noh was from Republic of Korea... What? Was that necessary?

Don't mind me. Don't mind me. Don't mind me.

Anyway I hate how tumblr wasn't able to save my draft when I was writing additional content. I lost half of it and it makes me furious!!! I had to redo the draft but I can no longer remember some of the things I wrote. I am sad because I lost something that can't be brought back again. This experience earned me a lesson.

That's it for my first review. What are your thoughts? I am a horrible reviewer, I know, but I will do better in the future. Thank you for reading!!!

[popculturebuffet]

Delpad Prompt 2: Holiday, Part 1

Della: Okay kids, we're about to head out. Launchpad you got our bags?

Launchpad: Yup. though this ones' kind of heavy (Dewey falls out of the bag, having not really zipped it that well) Oh hey Dewey you coming with us?

Della: No he's not.

Dewey: But why. What's more romantic than the result of your last relationship huh huh?

Della: Sweetie I know you want to come but we need some time to ourselves. I haven't really had ANY since I got back. I tried to put it all on you.

Donald: And as much I don't want your mom to go either she NEEDS IT. She needs time to herself that isn't terrifying isolation.. isolation... no no you had melon your fine.

Louie: We'll get Uncle Donald therapy while your gone.

Della: (Nods) We're just going to a small tropical island for two days. We'll be fine.

Huey: We know it's just.. last time one of our loved ones went on vacation they ended up on the moon and then stranded for months

Donald: Months months... melon where's melon?! (Dewey slaps him) Thank you. (Dewey slaps him again)

Dewey: That's for not naming me Turbo!

Huey: Let it go Dewey.

Dewey: Never!

Della: boys please i've taken every precaution. We should have cell reception, and if you don't hear from me in 24 hours, Launchpad has been chipped and I have an emergency radio in my hollowed out tooth. I'm NEVER loosing you boys again. Never. (hugs them tight.. for about half an hour)

Scrooge: (walks in) I just came to say goodbye, make sure the percautions are over.. .and .. (joins in group hug, which donald and launchpad have joined int he interim. )

Della: Okay we really gotta go or we'll loose our reservation. I love you all. Stay safe.

(The family waves them off0

Donald: She'll be back this time right?

Scrooge: you can count on it... I guarantee it

(The rental plane, a small seaplane)

Della: Okay... we're fine.. it's fine i'm just.. heading off.. without my family. I"m .. okay. My therapist said I need this. (Sighs) I'm sorry i'm babbling

Launchpad: it's okay I do that all the time. But are you you know okay? We can turn back. We can always use this plane to make loops over the mansion

Della: Oh we're certainly making loops in this I just.. I haven't left the kids behind since I got back. I put up my best front back there but.. I worry about never coming back again.

Launchpad: Look you can't worry about that. Eventually their going to grow up and leave. Dewey to become a sucessful talk show host/ indiania jones, Louie to buy Japan and Huey to write a sucessful book series.

Della: you REALLY know those kids don't you

Launchpad: I'm a good listener. My point is, you can't focus on what your missing you just have to focus on what's ahead. The boys will be fine and if their not NOTHING will stop you from getting back to them. It didn't before, it won't this time.

Della: (Smooches his cheek before turning her attention back to the controls) When did you get so smart?

Launchpad: About the time I got around to asking you out finally.

Della:... Sweet too. We should be landing soon. You know as much as i'm worried.. Donald is right.. I need this.. just some Della time... but you know not alone so my reflection dosen't murder me in my sleep. YOU DON'T GET ME DENISE.

Launchpad: DOn't worry i'll break all our mirrors.

Della:... (Blushes) Your really sweet you know that?

Launchpad: I know you say it often enough.

(One landing and a boring check in we're skipping over later. )

Della: (Collapses on the bed) OH god that's refreshing... my bed usually has a kid or a brother in it these days (Does snow angels)

Launchpad: Should I stay in the tub?

Della: No no no I just want to.. enjoy this. (Smiles happily)

Launchpad: Okay i'm just going to watch the tv.

(Turns on the tv, and flips through it eventually stopping on)

Launchpad: OH boy I didn't know they were airing this again. (Sings along) Daring duck of mystery, champion of right, leaps out of the shadows darkwing of the nighttttt. Somewhere some villian schemes but his number's up. Three two one darkwing duck. When there's.

Della: (Cracks eyes open) Wait wait.. don't you know this guy?

Launchpad: yeah. He's one of my best friends along with Dewey and Donald.

Della: But he's fictional.. but I saw him. I even met him. He got stuck on our roof for a good hour.

Launchpad: Oh he grew up watching the show but then I convinced him to become him for real after we stopped darkings actor from kiling a bunch of people.. then he died. (Puts hat over heart) I still miss ya jim.

Della: Wait THAT'S the jim who's name you keep saying at night? I had no idea.

Launchpad: Yeah he just.. didn't want to give up the role> They were making a movie, Scrooge was.

Della: But he refuses to watch those. I had to tie him down just to get him to join us for movie night.

Launchpad: Yeahhhhh there's a reason it didn't get finished.. and that reason is my hero, darkwing's actor jim starling, sorta decided to get rid of Drake.. or wanted me to. it took talking with him to realize he wasn't a bad guy and I tried talking jim out of it but well. he kinda snapped, threatned the set including Dewey and Scrooge and had to be stopped.

Della: He threatanted my babY?!

Launchpad: (Gets up and sits down on the bed) not on purpose I just.. I think something in him broke? I dunno.. but then I ALMOST had him.. I just.. like the last pickle in the jar just out of reach. But instead he died trying to save me instead. He pushed Drake out of the way but .. he could've taken it. He just.. wanted to be darkwing and if i'd just TALKED to him I could've convinced him he was only hurting people.

Della: Oh sweetie (hugs him tight) it's not your fault. Okay? You tried but he was too far gone. It's not your fault okay? He died saving you... but he went out of his WAY to not because it was you, but because he didn't want the other guy to do it. But the fact you feel so bad about it... it proves what a great guy you are.

Launchpad: Awwwwwwww (Smooches her)

Della:(Smooches back) Now come on let's go get something to eat, then maybe enjoy this resort a little huh? Get your mind off this

Launchpad: yeah.. get my mind off this... you always know what to do. (Smiles and takes her hand as they head out

END OF PART 1.