#IT IS ENTIRELY DUE TO MY HUBRIS AND SCHEDULE

[colourful-void]

oh and i shalt mention again for all the new mutuals n such ive made over the past year!

as december approaches ill probably start posting more about christmas in a general manner! and as in years before, i will be tagging every one of these posts as '#christmas' so that anyone who doesn't wanna see it can just filter that out!

i only do this for christmas due to just how prevalent it is (and how annoying it is for ppl who aren't interested it seeing it this time of year), so i won't be tagging any other holidays.

happy winter!

(mutuals also feel free to drop ur gift boundaries in the comments! do you accept christmas gift art/fic/whatever? holiday gifts? gifts unafflilated with a holiday but just gifts are fun? can't promise anything cuz i might get busy, but i like knowin!)

[animehouse-moe]

Mobile Suit Gundam - The Witch From Mercury Season 2 Episode 2: What They Wish For

Maybe with the break in seasons, and having a chance to mull things over, I've found that that overall story and direction can be a bit crass at times. Or maybe it's the shift in material and the feeling of rushing towards a goal that exposes the pieces more than the first season. Whichever it is, there's still plenty of great parts to the episode, and one massive reveal, so there's more than enough to chat about.

⚠️Warning: Massive Spoilers Ahead⚠️

So, let's start with the big reveal. The fandom from effectively episode 1 of the first season has been on the "Ericht is Aerial" theory. And I'll say it straight up, I'm not a big fan of it really. It's hard to explain because there's a lot to my reasoning, but if I had to choose something, it's largely about how Prospera approaches revenge and justification. She uses Ericht as a tool still, yes, but lovingly refers to her as her daughter and is going to quite literally change the world for her. I felt like Prospera's distance as a mother was far stronger/better when assuming that Aerial was still 'inhuman'. Though, in the first place, was Aerial ever inhuman? Even in the prologue, Ericht was able to talk with Lfrith fairly easy.

Also, perhaps it's a stylistic choice as it centers around Prospera's conversation, but I found the visualization of a young Ericht to be rather odd, and largely due to the interlude novel Cradle Star, which you can read here for free. Anyways, the point is that the novel is from Aerial/Ericht's perspective, and so their monologue can be taken at face value. In the novel they come off far form the existence of a child, but then even further into the timeline than that interlude novel we have Ericht represented as a child still. Just sort of something that bothers me within the context of it all.

Now, what do I like about it? Well, there's talks of Prospera and Delling and "Gods", but the visuals given already paint a better picture. Ericht is already viewed as a God. The entire scene of Sophie reaching out towards Aerial/Ericht is pretty obvious in that sense. Whether they use this symbolism in opposition to the hubris that Prospera and Delling are attempting to commit is a different story, but I can really appreciate their use of the "blessed child" when those around them are cursed.

While on the topic of Sophie, I did like her story. I feel they could have done more to create more dissonance between her desires and her actions considering that she's so young, but I think they just made the cut to sell the moment.

I guessed what I've realized while writing this all out is that this second season just needs more time. Within two episodes this season we've had: Ericht revealed, Sophie killed, Prospera's end goal exposed, an effective war declared on Earth, and all of Shaddiq and Elan's scheming. It feels like a lot to take in when you consider the pacing of the previous season. Not that you can't speed things up, but most people prefer a decline rather than a cliff.

As an example, think back to the first season. Elan first expressed interest in Suletta through her first duel. He spent time around her, got angry about her being "blessed", had a whole character arc, and then was terminated. Sophie just isn't there as an "important" character. She doesn't give viewers anything to grab onto, anything to really feel in her short time with Suletta. We get the same sentiment she speaks about during her fights, and we get a slideshow of her interactions.

It just feels like the story's on a schedule for season 2. It has its eyes on the prize and isn't letting anything get in the way, so the pacing feels incredibly brisk after the long break we had between seasons. That's not to say that there isn't good or redeeming aspects in season 2, but if there were to be any concerns or issues, it absolutely lies in the pacing and heavy-handed nature that has been adopted for this stretch of episodes.

Thankfully, we're only 2 episodes in to the season so there's plenty of room to rectify things, and we've still been getting incredible visual work. In terms of direction, were spoiled with the final episode of the first season, so I wouldn't say it's been "stellar" work in comparison to that, but it's more than satisfying.

So at the end of the day, I'd say there's tradeoffs being made. We get more action and more "gundam" stuff, but it's at relative cost to the story and its progression. Only time will tell if it ends up worth it or not, but I certainly believe these episodes that are getting the ball rolling for Season 2 feel at odds with the nature of the first season.

[digimon-fr]

Cancelling DMFR: Reasons and What Now...

TLDR: I’m extremely burnt out with this story due to my own hubris, and would like to close this chapter of my life. Read below for more details. Hello everyone...

I apologize for leaving you all in the dark for so long. This was a bandage I was extremely reluctant to rip off because of the love people had for this little fan project. But it’s something I must address all the same. You’ve probably noticed that updates to DMFR have gradually petered out over time and have basically come to a complete stop. This is because as time went on, I started to fall out of love with Digimon, the fandom, and consequentially, this big-little story I’ve had knocking around in my brain since 2008 (ie. Since I was a young teenager). While my relationship with the Digimon franchise is starting to gradually be repaired with the love being put into the new Ghost Game anime, the beautifully nostalgic art in the new card game, and the immense fun that is the Vital Bracelet series, I do find my self struggling to come back to the fandom, and more importantly this story.

I have changed so much since I first started posting this story in 2014, and even more so since thinking about it in 2008. There is still plenty to love about it, but also a lot I’d probably would have done very differently. My ability to pace myself and plan out a story of multiple character arcs has improved so much, and my past self did not do a very good job of laying down the tracks for my future self. I should have made chapter outlines, I should have given myself a schedule instead of posting when ever, I should have given myself breaks when I needed them. But I didn’t and the immense pressure from the standards I set for myself began to weigh so much that any spark I had left was entirely snuffed out. All this is to say that I am very burnt out with this story. I’m no longer excited to work on it, I’m kicking myself for making it so difficult to work on in the first place, and my drive to finish it is gone because of how poorly I handled it for myself.

I hope that writing this out, anyone else who is hoping to make a grand epic series can learn from my mistakes. Inspiration is POWERFUL in making art, but a massive piece of art like this can not live off of inspiration alone. You need to pace yourself and take care of yourself so you don’t come to dislike what you are making in time. Because it’s never fun to fall out of love with something that used to bring you so much joy, and I would never wish that on anyone.

So now what?

I am going to try and take better care of myself, and continue to pursue passion projects that still bring me joy. You are welcome to join me, but I also completely understand if you do not want to. Regardless, thank you for all your support in the past, please take care of yourself, and may your spirit stay strong.

Sincerely, AK-Illustrate

[kelpiemomma]

god damn, the last... five days? friday, saturday, sunday, yesterday, today.... idk, four and a half days? have reminded me of why i try my best to NOT make plans lmaooo

Thursday I logged off of tumblr on my mobile

Friday i played halo with my dad all day and he said “you have to go upstairs and play a word game. also will you go to utah with your mom to pick up a package since I’m sick and I can’t go.” so I said yes. The word game? Picking “Kasper” or “Kyzer”. Asked my mom why there were names on the fridge and she said “it’s a social experiment >:/” and we went to Utah that night. Didn’t get in until 1 am. Side note: planes are a testament to man’s hubris and I HATE them. I am so scared of flying y’all. I’ll do it, I am ceaselessly terrified when I am on them. I have been flying since I was WEE LITTLE and I still hate them.

Saturday mom and I both got about 2 hours of sleep between the horrible hotel pillows, people making noise all night, and I... caught up on a manga when I should’ve been sleeping :,) ate breakfast, checked out of the hotel, got our rental car, and started an all-day journey. Turns out- I was right! We were picking up a 4 and a half month old puppy due to a family being unable to keep him. Genuinely no fault of their own, they were not a bad home for him at all- as my dad said in a facebook reply to someone, they WERE the greater home for him but due to certain circumstances (that I don’t need to share here lmao) he needed to find a new home. His former owner and her oldest son cried when we put him in the rental- it was very sad. He was their first dog. We promised to give them lots of updates on him and said they’re free to drop by our place if they’re ever near us. And then we drove home. We were in the rental from 8 am mountain time until 11 pm mountain time. I napped somehow- normally I can’t sleep for shit in cars. I drove the last four hours home, mom drove the rest of the time, and it was rainy as fuck.

Sunday we tried to recover. Dad’s sick, mom is getting sick - she had major congestion in Utah - the new puppy is getting used to his new home, a friend brought his kids over and got lunch with dad. We went out and saw Dani and gave each other the “big yikes” eyes because there has been no progress at the trainer’s place in regards to arenas, stalls, or shade structures. The horses had empty bags in their stalls. All the buckets were half full at MOST. We dropped off one bale of hay, said we’d be picking Dani up the next weekend, and left. I had a bad feeling about it so I said I’d go back out tomorrow (Monday) and check on things.

Yesterday, I stop by the pharmacy to update my insurance and get my prescription called in as well as schedule a vaccine. Stopped and had lunch, went back home to get my car charger (thank god i did) and then drove out to see Dani. No horses had been fed, it was 2 pm, a certain and cow had NO water, most of the horses were nearly OUT of water (and they were ALL dirty as fuck), and several stalls were severely fucked up. One horse had a cut on its chest that had unfortunately already dried but definitely should’ve been stitched, none of the stalls were cleaned... I ended up cleaning and filling waters for an hour and a half (after taking a video of what I’d arrived to), my parents came out to pick up Dani, they’re BOTH sick as fuck, they’ve got the two younger dogs with them so those two had to be tied to a trailer because we ended up FEEDING the trainer’s horses since she’s on vacation. A pair of people who were supposed to be feeding and whatnot arrived and the older of the pair assumed I was the other person who was supposed to be feeding, watering, and cleaning- she did not ask who I was, she just introduced herself (I already knew her so I didn’t bother introducing myself in turn, plus I was dehydrating, in the sun, and pissed off about the condition I’d found the horses in- I was drinking well water the entire time I was there because I hadn’t expected to be doing chores) and asked if I’d given Dani grain. Because I’d given my horse hay she’d assumed I would be feeding all the horses- without knowing who I was, thinking I was the other girl, apparently I “looked young” (the excuse she gave the trainer later on) not that she really got close enough to look at me. -Anyway, my sick parents ended up hauling 12 horses and 1 cow 50lb bags of cubes for them to eat in weather that was 100 degrees and better, we’re all sweating, I’m trying to talk to the trainer- it was a hot fucking mess. We got everything taken care of, moved a horse in a stall that was pretty much about to fall, and went home with Dani in the trailer at like. 5, 5:30. Pretty sure my frustration came out when I was talking to the trainer, because she told me that the woman who’d come out with her daughter claimed to have given Dani a supplement bag “yesterday evening before a barrel race” and I was like. Nope. No the fuck she didn’t. Because there were eight full bags when I left yesterday at 2 in the afternoon, and when I arrived today at 2 in the afternoon there were still 8 full bags and her hay bale hadn’t been touched. This is shit I pay attention to- it doesn’t matter how much I trust someone, I am absolutely anal about their feed. I don’t give a shit if they eat at 5 am and 10 pm, as long as they’re getting FED. Pretty sure between 2pm Sunday and 2pm Monday, Dani wasn’t fed.

Today, Dad is even worse than before. I went with mom to pick up the car from the body shop, she took dad to urgent care (no covid, no flu, possible bronchitis or pneumonia), then she got home, took a shower, and immediately had to grab my brother so they could go to small claims court over the accident that someone’s child caused several months back (in april) and they didn’t try to file for damage to their vehicle until last month (july) because they lied about the accident, said my bother caused it (literally impossible in the way they described- if you know the area and think for two seconds about how the cars were damaged, there’s no way their story could’ve happened), and my mother refuses to file a claim against our own insurance for something we didn’t do. When she gets home we have to run the truck to the dealership because apparently it’s now having issues, and then she has to go back to work tomorrow after running around the last three days when she should’ve been resting.

So. A nice reminder of why I don’t make my own plans. Something always comes up and I am a sucker for helping out. Seeing all of the trainer’s horses pisses me off though- she has more than she can afford and she’s on vacation. Ugh. She’s taken more vacations in the last year than I have in the last 4.

Anyway. That’s that. I’ve made the decision to no longer use tumblr on my phone, I need to have time away from it. I’m going to try not to be on it as much anyway until I finish Arms Outstretched and Jumping the Rail- I’d like to get them done or at least updated before September comes and I lose all my time to work. Not much else going on except the xbox is running and I can finally play my comfort games again ♥

[ihatetaxes99]

Death Note: The Glorious Manga Ending (And the anime that failed to deliver)

Well, this is certainly something a tad different from my usual affairs. Yes, I'm delighted to bear the news that I am taking a break from writing sub-par fanfiction and selling weapons to Middle Eastern terrorists in order to follow something a little less creative, but more immediately interesting to me in my current time of writing. I mean, hell, there's probably a 60% chance that no one will ever read this, since I'll likely drop it halfway through and go back to my black market dealings. But, in that small 40% chance that I do get this out the door, or indeed any further than this very sentence before I forget about it for all eternity, then I want to have a little discussion, a fun little analysis. And of course, I'm going to analyse everyone's favourite slice of life fluff comedy, Death Note. Specifically the ending and how I think the manga surpasses the anime in many, many ways.

If you haven't yet read or watched Death Note, then you won't be reading this anyway, so it would be rather pointless at best and an insult to your intelligence at worst to give a recap of how the series works. If you must have a layman's explanation, big murder book gets dropped into the human world, shenanigans ensue. There, now go watch or read it for yourself. Preferably read, as I am about to discuss. The manga is far better, entirely because of the second half. It's no secret that the Death Note anime handled the second half poorly. Content was cut, elements were skipped, scenes were changed entirely and Near, my favourite character from the manga, was done so dirty that he generally ranks as many people's least favourite, for some understandable reasons and others that I consider rather weak. But the main part of the second half aside, I want to talk about the final showdown, the confrontation in the Yellow Box warehouse, and how I feel the anime adaptation butchered a near-perfect ending for the sake of either time, or budget, or maybe to appease Light fangirls (because that definitely has a factor in why I don't like the anime's ending as much.)

So, to recap, most of the confrontation at the warehouse between the SPK and Kira plays out very much the same. Mikami writes the names down, Light reveals himself, the notebook is revealed to be a fake and Yagami has his famous mental breakdown, followed by one of the most powerful lines in the series:

(Note: I condensed the speech to fit neatly into two boxes)

I love this speech. I think it's one of the best in the series, for reasons that very much tie into why the ending in the manga works better. I want you all to think for a moment; I've seen a lot of people say Death Note is a series that doesn't take sides on the conflict. No, that is bullshit. In the early series, maybe, but from the moment Light Yagami killed Naomi Misora, and arguably even earlier than that with Raye Pembre, he was consistently portrayed as being more and more callous, more evil, more of a scumbag. Let's look over what he did, especially in the later stages of the series.

He:

Murdered the FBI agents tailing him.

Only expressed regret over Utika's death because it may negatively affect Kira's reputation.

Watched with no emotion as his father died and indeed, encouraged him to use the Death Note moments before he died.

Mocked Matsuda for mourning his father's death.

Manipulated two seperate women into doing his bidding (albeit, one was unintentional) and killed one himself, with plans to kill the other had he not been killed.

Instigated a riot in New York with the intent of killing Near and the SPK.

Killed FBI agents who were tailing him.

Only cared about Utika's death because it compromised Kira's strong public image and not because he was actually a good man.

Manipulated two seperate women into falling for him (albeit one was accidental) and promptly killed off one with no hesitation, with plans of killing the other had he not met his end first.

Watched emotionless as his own father died and even tried to get him to use the Death Note in his last moments.

Mocked Matsuda for mourning the death of his father and used it in a last ditch effort to distract the detective and escape.

Staged a riot with the intent of killing Near and the rest of the SPK.

And these are just some of them. By the end of Death Note, Light was not a good person. I personally never agreed with him, but he went from a disillusioned kid with a minor saviour complex to A full-blown, sadistic, perverted image of what he used to be, utterly unfeeling and cold-hearted, with a major God complex, a complete lunatic. As Near said, a mass murderer and nothing more. After everything Yagami's done over the course of the series, it was just too satisfying to read this for the first time, and I will concede, the anime did a great job adapting it. I feel a lot of Light fangirls agreed with him because his ideals sounded good on paper, but in reality, they're completely childish and self-serving. I am not one to moral grandstand, I believe those who take any excuse to give lectures about morality are annoying and often hypocritical scum, but my point here is that this is not a man any reasonable person could agree with if he were a real person. So, this teardown of his ego was perfect.

Now, the first big difference is the ultimate fate of Teru Mikami. In the anime, he kills himself in the warehouse, in a scene that makes me laugh every time due to the comically large quantities of blood spewing from him. He dies defending Kira's ideals, believing in his God. Or, if you choose to interpret it another way, he has accepted that Light is not God, and he has nothing else to live for. Either way, the anime lacks a key scene, after Light is shot by Matsuda and begging for help:

This is extremely important, as it continues what Near did with his speech and sets in motion the following trend for what is to come. Light is humiliated, his second most faithful pawn has turned against him, called him scum, seen him for what he truly is, and worse still, he's done it in front of everyone else. Teru Mikami has denounced his God, and this is just the stepping stone for the humiliation Kira is about to suffer. Also, it's worth noting that just before Mikami denounces Kira, there's a scene of Light crawling on the ground, bleeding, calling out for Misa and Takada to help him, seeming to have gone totally delusional, forgetting that Takada was already dead. This may have been excluded from the anime, or it may have been the fault of the subs I was using. It still serves as a vital part of the theme that the final few chapters hammer in, over and over again, that being the complete and total humiliation of Light Yagami. And the worst for our criminal-killing protagonist is still to come.

Finally, we reach the fate of the original Kira, the end of Light Yagami. In the anime, he uses Mikami's suicide as a distraction to escape, wherein he runs off, seeing visions of his past self, and dies out in the middle of a staircase, from a heart attack delivered by Ryuuk, calmly and quietly. This is all very nice and emotional, we see for a moment, Light contemplates what he became and wondering how it could have ended differently, and him dying in the middle of the staircase, as many people have stated before, is oh so very symbolic of how he finds himself unable to reach Heaven or Hell. However, this does not hold a candle to the manga.

This is what Light is like upon his death there:

Yeah, there's no real doubting it, he's going out like a complete bitch. Like the anime was thoughtful and silent, with an underlying sombre soundtrack, in this the once great Kira is reduced to a blubbering mess, throwing a tantrum because he refuses to accept his time is up. It was made very clear to him at the beginning that he was to die at Ryuuk's hand one day and now that it's here, he can't take it. He tries to cheat death, the one thing no human nor Shinigami can do. I mean, just look at the panels. He's a mess. A privileged, pampered brat who isn't getting his way. That is why I consider the Death Note manga ending to be superior to the anime in almost every way. While the anime gives us symbolism and a sense of calm, the manga goes all the way in tearing down this character, who has been a piece of human garbage for years at this point. I find it so satisfying to watch him get what he deserves, not only the death but the shame.

Light's own hubris and mental instability stole from him the honourable death he received in the anime. And that is everything I believe he needed, far more than the mere reality check he was given in the anime.

Phew, damn this was a ride and a half to write. I always appreciate feedback, if anyone wants to share their own thoughts on the ending. Please do feel free to do so, and I'll hopefully be back soon with your regularly scheduled shitty fanfics.

[pentomic]

purim drash

When engaging in study of Megillat Esther, a strange and particular fact jumps out at me. Why didn’t Mordechai bow to Haman? It seems almost a no-brainer that he would-- after all, all Haman wanted was a public show of loyalty. Once he got that, he’d be satisfied, and if Mordechai had bowed to him like everyone else, the entire Purim story would not have occurred. The Jews would never have been under threat, Haman would never have built his gallows, etc., etc. Mordechai, being a smart guy, was probably aware by that time of Haman’s short temper and thin skin, and/or his natural prejudice against the Jews-- being descended from Amalek as he was.

It’s a question that’s bothered me for a while. Why on Earth didn’t Mordechai swallow his pride, bite his tongue, and bow? It would have been in service of the greater good, after all.

Well, here’s my answer. In Esther 3 פָּסוּק ב, it is mentioned that וְכָל-עַבְדֵי הַמֶּלֶךְ אֲשֶׁר-בְּשַׁעַר הַמֶּלֶךְ, כֹּרְעִים וּמִשְׁתַּחֲוִים לְהָמָן. In other words, all the servants of the king in the king’s gate bowed to Haman. But wait. Do you recognize one of the phrases? How about כֹּרְעִים וּמִשְׁתַּחֲוִים, korim umishtachavim. Where else in Jewish liturgy do we see that phrase?

All right-- I’ll tell you. It’s from the Aleynu. This oldest of Jewish prayers, dating back to the time of the Beyt HaMikdash, contains the same phrase (albeit with the words reversed). Let’s take a look at the context in which that phrase appears. וַאֲנַֽחְנוּ כּוֹרְעִים וּמִשְׁתַּחֲוִים וּמוֹדִים לִפְנֵי מֶֽלֶךְ מַלְכֵי הַמְּלָכִים. That translates, roughly, to “we bow and prostrate ourselves [כּוֹרְעִים וּמִשְׁתַּחֲוִים] before the Supreme King of Kings [ie, Hashem]”. 

That’s pretty powerful, and it situates the phrase כּוֹרְעִים וּמִשְׁתַּחֲוִים in a very specific context. Who do Jews כּוֹרְעִים וּמִשְׁתַּחֲוִים before? Not kings, princes, emperors, presidents, prime ministers, or grand viziers. There is only one King to whom we owe our supreme and utmost allegiance-- the King of Kings, Hashem. 

By demanding that the citizens of Persia כּוֹרְעִים וּמִשְׁתַּחֲוִים before him, Haman was essentially trying to say “I am a god, I am equivalent to a god, and you owe me all the loyalty, obedience and praise due to a god”. This kind of hubris is unacceptable in any person, let alone the second-in-command of a king! By consciously and continually refusing to bow (the Midrash says Mordechai actually memorized Haman’s schedule and would stand near him every time he exited the palace, so that Haman would always see that Mordechai refused to bow) Mordechai was reminding Haman that none of us are equivalent to Hashem. We are all of us under him, and once we acknowledge that, we are better people for it-- humbler, more moral, and able to appraise our own strengths and weaknesses without the scales of hubris on our eyes. Surely all of these are essential qualities for a leader! A leader who believes himself all-powerful and all-perfect will (as Shmot teaches us) lead his people only into ruin and destruction.

So perhaps, instead of saying “Mordechai should have bowed” we should say “Haman should have realized his error, done away with his hubris, and become more humble-- a proper leader”. Yet Haman was so convinced of his own importance that he would rather plan to kill every single Jew in the kingdom than acknowledge that he was just a human! And we all know how that ended-- with Haman hanging high on the gallows he built for Mordechai, and the Jews successful in battle against all of his followers.

This is one of the roles Jews are commanded to play. We must stand up to tyranny and oppression, hatred, bigotry and false pride, in all their forms. At the end of the day, it must be the Jews who stand when others bow, who rebuke unjust leaders and their practices. Such actions are not only a kiddush Hashem, but a moral duty. As we roll forward into this uncertain future, let us never, ever forget that.

!א פריילעכן פורים

[wingheadshellhead]

Hi, I love your blog! So I've been reading a lot of 616 stevetony lately, and I've noticed that in both canon and in a lot of fiction, Steve seems to really dislike Extremis (even before superior iron man). Why do you think that is? Even without looking at this with shipper goggles (which I always am), I think it's really strange that Steve has so much disdain for something that essentially saved one of his best friend's lives.

(THIS HAS TAKEN ME 5 BILLION YEARS BUT HERE IT IS FINALLY)

i used to be in the same boat and automatically assumed steve’s dislike of extremis was one of those fandom headcanon things that was so commonly accepted it’d basically become fact, but it’s really, actually, all 100% canon. but the comics that deal with it happen right before civil war so i think many ppl have simply forgotten or skipped over that part of tony’s timeline.

execute program is the 6-issue arc that comes right after extremis and it’s the main thing i tell everyone they have to read if they’re putting themselves thru the ringer that is 616′s civil war. it is so so important to understanding tony’s headspace and where he’s at before the events of civil war occur. 

READ EXECUTE PROGRAM. a) bc it’s absolutely crucial to tony’s side of civil war, b) the follow-through from the extremis arc is just… amazing, virtuosic. i really genuinely think it is a fascinating, excellently-written arc, c) when it gets gay it gets very gay. truST ME you do not need your shipper goggles for this at all bc guess which of the following things are canon: the sound of steve saying his voice being the only thing that snaps tony out of (likely a dissociative episode) trying to murder a villain that nearly kills peter, dyeing his hair blond when he’s going on the run, tony stopping his heart to save steve’s life. all of them !!! all canon !!!!!! 

extremis is, basically, terrifying. to the average human being, hell even the average superhuman. it’s p much unfathomable the sheer level/magnitude/scope of extremis. extremis allows tony to access and control any piece of technology on earth and even in earth’s atmosphere, he can hear satellites. it’s like having the singularity as a superpower. 

so part 1, iron man vol. 4 #7 (2006), opening issue and we have tony stopping a villain with lethal force, all while counting down the milliseconds and bidding on priceless artefacts.

now, avengers don’t kill. and tony doesn’t, he stops the man’s heart, then restarts it, basically performing defibrillation. 

and then we get this conversation: 

and after tony jets off leaving the new avengers to sort out the aftermath, we get this disturbing reminder:

a proper reread might prove me wrong but i don’t think the writers ever clarify whether this transformation in tony’s personality is due to extremis or outside manipulation (which is the culmination of execute program’s arc as i’ll go into in a bit). but when your brain is literally a machine and you Have Become more machine than human, this is the natural progression of tony’s humanity – the aspects of compassion, empathy, etc. – fading into the background to accomodate for extremis. 

extremis brings out everything about tony that steve (and possibly the world) fears most. it makes him cold and calculating, and with a brain like tony stark’s elevated by the superhuman capacity to think and react at the speed of a machine, he’s unstopppable.

part 2, iron man vol. 4 #8, we have tony nearly straight up burning a man alive for almost killing peter and laughing about it. 

he’s so deep in Destroy Mode that he doesn’t even register steve’s warning, and here i think he acts entirely out of instinct –– like extremis is thinking for him rather than his brain prompting him to do this. 

extremis is also the cause of tension between tony and the newly-formed new avengers (one of my favorite line-ups!!), he almost gets into a fight with logan and jessica has to break them up. it turns out tony is missing time in his memory, which is extremely worrying for someone w/ his level of power…

what’s so fascinating about extremis, and why we have so much to thank warren ellis for (the writer of the extremis arc), is that it is the perfect and the most logical climax of the modern iron man story. tony’s worst villain, as we’ve known since the very beginning really, has never been anyone else but himself. and in the case of extremis, it’s a highly technologically advanced version of himself that can do and be everything he’s ever dreamed of being able to achieve vs. him. 

the question extremis asks is at what cost? at what cost does technological advancement, bleeding-edge breakthroughs, and the spirit of human innovation come at? how far would tony go to become the Ideal version of himself that he sees as superior in every way? what would he sacrifice for that?

extremis represents basically the pinnacle of sci-fi tech in iron man comics, it’s why even god awful superior iron man used a 3.0 version of it as the foundation for tony’s sins. it’s the farthest point he’s ever reached, and it’s also the lowest in terms of the damage and fallout that comes from it. because ofc, tony stark can’t have nice things like this, but also bc the hubris + nature of extremis allowing its host to play god can’t exist without there being negative consequences. really b ad consequences. 

huge respect to danial & charles knauf, the authors of execute program, too, because they find a way to perfectly bring the arc full circle as ellis did with his extremis. the central villain plot revolves around ho yinsen’s son. the kid hacks extremis and uses it to control tony, sending him to subconsciously assassinate a bunch of people on his kill list, i.e. a list of all the men involved in yinsen’s death. i mean like, HOLY SHIT, an iron man plot where a literal ghost from tony’s past – a direct victim of events tony was involved in, the son of the man that sacrificed his life so iron man could be born and so tony stark could live – shows up, weaponises tony’s own body + technology and uses him to murder people who are scheduled to participate in a peace summit despite the blood on their hands and the human cost of their involvement in the weapons industry.

DRAWING PARALLELS BETWEEN YINSEN’S LIFE’S WORK AND TONY’S LIKE DEATH AND DYING WOULD BE KINDER. again bc of my memory or even regardless due to constant retcons + reruns of the iron man origin story, i don’t know if it’s ever been explicitly stated before that yinsen also got into the weapons industry in order to get the funding necessary to support his other revolutionary work. but his son literally conflates yinsen with tony here, blending them into one + the same with that final panel and it becomes very obvious that at least a small part of him blames father for entering into weapons design. if he hadn’t, he might never have been captured by the the terrorist group that wanted him and tony to build them missiles. 

also, yinsen + villains involving yinsen are a recurring theme in iron man history but can we talk abt the fact that tony has never ever let himself forget the man bc jesus christ

yinsen’s kid is killed by a SHIELD sniper, activating the dead man’s switch and unleashing all the peackeeping units tony built that are now compromised. now, tony’s no jean grey or wanda maximoff but if this arc shows anything it’s not to underestimate him bc intentional or not (lmao) if he put his mind to it there’s literally no limit to the damage he could do. 

we see various heroes fighting off the peacekeeping units, and the new avengers are at the peace summit fighting a hulkbuster. 

and here it is people !!! the 23989485th time tony kills himself so steve can live. 

JUST. THE LOOK ON HIS FACE. AND THEN THIS ABSOLUTE LACK OF HESITATION:

so, yes. extremis was traumatising for pretty much every single person involved. steve has extremely good reasons for HATING extremis, even in the early stages or even if a fic is taking place before the events of execute program.

if you read the full arc, you’ll see tony running himself into the ground with his new abilities (world’s greatest multitasker can now multitask 192483958 things at once? ofc he’s going to use and abuse and exploit that), you see him spiralling and losing his grip on reality (mainly because he’s actually having dissociative episodes and losing time due to being remotely controlled to assassinate ppl but also bc of the Effect extremis is having on him). i brought up wanda and jean earlier as a casual reference but like, to put it in that kind of perspective, people just weren’t made to have this much power.

on a smaller scale, apart from eating up all of tony’s time and attention and mental health in a really bad way, it just Distances him from everyone. especially from the team. it’s Isolating, having this much going on in his brain and no one else in the world to fully understand it. 

and on steve’s side, you also have the fact that tony’s genius is both one of the things he loves and lowkey resents most about him. he has this deep-set anxiety about tony with all his brilliance and intelligence leaving him behind in the dust, or worse, laughing at him and how outdated and dim-witted he is in comparison. this is steve’s version of tony’s “i’m never going to be good enough for him”, a sentiment summed up in a quote from him as early as tales of suspense vol. 2 (1995): “yes, tony stark, a man of today and tomorrow is the man i’ll never be.” he’s so afraid of being abandoned + alienated by tony’s mind and the future that tony’s worked so tirelessly to build that might render him irrelevant. he’s scared of a future where he has no purpose, but more or just as importantly, he’s scared of becoming obsolete in tony’s life, of not being needed by tony anymore. one of the things that endeared him so much to tony, and which laid the foundations of their lifelong friendship, was the fact that from Day One (1), tony made him feel At Home. he never let him feel ashamed or isolated as The Man Out Of Time, he actively worked to make steve feel comfortable and to give him the things he needed to acclimatise and to fit himself into this brave new world. 

extremis undoes all of that. it propels tony so far and so fast into the future that it makes tony untouchable to steve. all of the ‘i can hear satellites’ stuff renders steve helpless and even more out of his depth than usual. it presses all of steve’s secret buttons and then some.

to sum this all up, and to finish my extra rambling abt tony bc u asked me about extremis and i couldn’t not finish with this:

here we have, ladies and gentlemen, everything u need to understand abt tony going into civil war. and it’s not on any of the official civil war fucking reading lists which really pisses me off because whether or not they did it on purpose the knaufs basically wrote all of execute program as the perfect precursor and characterisation groundwork for an antebellum tony stark. 

a tony stark who was just very recently manipulated against his will into assassinating people and causing a world-threatening incident that could have resulted in the deaths of thousands, including his own friends and teammates (and the love of his life), is a very different tony stark to the one ppl see in civil war #1.

what happens in stamford was an accident, too. no one meant for that to happen. tony knows first fucking hand what that means and what it feels like to carry that responsibility and guilt. his position in civil war supporting the SHRA is not only to protect the potential lives that could be lost in another stamford incident but also to protect superhumans and superheroes from ever being exploited against their will by villains to kill and hurt and destroy. 

superheroes are inherently susceptible to being used, it’s just part of the narrative convention –– a superhero is brainwashed or mind controlled or otherwise forced against their will to do something awful. and even if it’s not their fault there needs to be  accountability  for the victims. both the victims that suffer directly because of superhuman incidents but also the superheroes that become victims of ppl who abuse their powers. it’s abt protecting superheroes not just from civilians but from themselves. and if u’ve read a single comic u kno that this kinda shit happens way too often and way too easily.

sO YE S T hIS iS W HY. AND IT Ex PL AINS SO MUC H AND i j UST WISH P PL WOULD GODDAMN REA D THIS. LIKE EVERYONE WHO EVER WANTS TO SAY ANOTHER A GODDAMN THING ABOUT TONY STARK IN CIVIL WAR NEEDS TO FIRST READ EXECUTE PROGRAM FIRST OR PAY ME $10

anyway…………… one last time, i’m so so so sorry this took forever to get to. hope the wait was worth it!

[cireimagined]

Fun With SMOG and CARB

    With my new-found love of my car, I decided to make off for a SMOG station recommended by Rob, down the road from his shop. I went in, handed the old man running the station my keys and incomplete registration and walked off for a soda and ran into an old acquaintance.

    A few minutes later, the hubris and was shattered like a case of glass Christmas ornaments after a tumble down the stairs. The reason was simple: the OBD II systems, which had been cleared when Rob was working on my car had not all cycled through yet. All systems worked, and the cars exhaust was clean, but without the blessing of the diagnostics system-it was all for naught. Exalted in anger, I made a disturbingly obscene phone call home, where I screamed about Governor Brown and a horse. After I calmed down, I called Rob back, and explained what happened.

    From this, I learned about the whole protocol of the OBD II system set. It felt like the shitty first draft of the movie Speed. To set the several systems at once, BMW has a very specific drive cycle instruction.

    First, start the car and let it idle for 5 minutes: This sets the secondary air system that heats up the cats on cold start for a short time by pumping atmospheric air into the exhaust manifold to combust unburned, fuel rich exhaust gases. After this, the next step in these Russian dances is to drive around at 35 MPH, under 2,000 RPM the entire time, until the car reached temperature. From there, 65 MPH under 2,500 RPM to set the oxygen sensors, and from there, letting it idle for 5 minutes before shutoff.

    This required an early morning test route, or as I dubbed it, the Smog Loop, a wink at the NATO pilot testing ground in Wales.

    The route had been set the night before, just off of what would suitably set me for the perfect timing. Olsen Road to CA-23S for the post-idle warm up, and the bulk of the drive would be from CA-23S to US-101 N to Ventura, and wrapping back around on SR126 from Ventura to Fillmore, and back over CA-23S on Grimes Canyon, to it becoming a highway again, terminating at Rob’s shop. This neat loop would be good time to listen to a favorite podcast, Last Podcast On The Left, which had just begun a series on Jonestown.

    After this uneventful route was done, I was at the shop. All systems except my secondary air had set. With one system down, it would be possible to pass SMOG, but it was at the shops discretion. Rob said he’d call the shop and talk to them about passing. However, Kevin was more skeptical because it causes the state to look negatively at these lenient garages and the technicians performing the test.

    A few days later, Rob called with the answer: no. With this, there were more stringent instructions to follow to get the secondary air to set. However, these were almost draconian: The same test protocol as before, but the car had to idle for half an hour before the test route, and left to idle for another half hour at the end. His wording regarding why the SAS hadn’t set was due to “lazy” oxygen sensors in the exhaust, and the long idle was a good way for him to see how they were reacting.

    Finding a willing venue to let my car sit and idle for half an hour unoccupied was surprisingly easy. My dads dealer does a car show the third Saturday of every month, so with my usual routine being to leave my car parked in the service park the night before and riding in with him to help set up in the early morning, it was set. The moment I arrived that morning, I grabbed my keys, and walked over to my car. It was completely dewed over from the night before, and the paint held a matte frosting.

    I got in, turned the key, and let it sit. I set a timer on my watch for 30 minutes, and made off to help set up for the show. I’d periodically return and check on the car to see if anything happened. By the time the 30 minutes was up, we had our answer.

    “SERVICE ENGINE SOON” the amber light on the dash screamed. It was 7 AM. The garage doesn’t open for another hour and a half. With an answer, I had to wait another hour and a half for his shop to open for Saturday service. I bided my time, going through the meet on the other side of the wall, and observing all the gorgeous Porsches.

    I pulled into his shop a little before 8:30, due to my impatient, anxious nature. The OBD II reader was quick to come out and let us know the cause of this light. What was seen surprised nobody: faulty oxygen sensor heater, bank 2.

    The recommended service interval for these poor sensors is 100,000 miles-a milestone reached in December, 2013. I was at 153,000 miles and counting. These sensors had lived a life and a half, and were now in the way. Due to school starting two days from then, the soonest I could get it in was the following Tuesday. I drove to my first day of CSU Channel Islands with the light on, loud and proud.

    Like deja vu, I dropped the car off in the morning for the two upstream (pre-cat) oxygen sensors to be replaced and got the car back by lunchtime. The difference was surprisingly noticeable-the idle felt much smoother.

    I have yet to take it to get smogged, due to my school schedule and work schedule preventing me from going out and getting it done. As of the time of writing this my targeted goal is this Friday afternoon (February 2nd, 2018)

Major thanks to Rob and Kevin at Bimmer Connection, as well as Mike Rice and James Macintosh for patiently answering my questions regarding what exactly my car was doing and how to make it behave.