#ISCHARON. 001

[cragsnow]

the silence before rian speaks fills him with an unbearable dread. right now, they stand in limbo, with the next words that the cowboy speaks being ones that will either end this impromptu relationship of theirs for good, or it will cement it until the end of time. he doesn't know which one he's more afraid of. because yes, the idea of being abandoned by the one person who he thinks might truly understand him doesn't bear thinking about, but neither does the notion that he's to be tied to one singular entity. it promises a huge level of commitment that he's not sure he has it in him to give anymore.

the hand on his chin is kind, too kind, in a way that he feels he doesn't deserve, and it's enough to have his eyes glistening in the early morning light as tears begin to fill them. maintaining the eye contact with rian is hard, but to look anywhere else right now would feel like a betrayal. rian has been so gentle in his encouragement of their meeting gazes that felix can do nothing but oblige him.

‘ but you said... ’ he cuts himself off, because what had rian actually said? he hadn't said the words ' i don't want to see you anymore ', felix had just implanted that context into the sentence because he'd thought that it had fit. so he self-corrects, and says what he actually means. ‘ ...i thought you meant that if i couldn't make that promise, that you wouldn't want me around anymore. ’ // @ischaron

RIAN SHOULD HAVE KNOWN BETTER, really. it was a lot to ask of someone, especially someone like felix. there were things that couldn't be fixed overnight, and he supposed this was one of them. the cowboy can't say that he doesn't UNDERSTAND, there was a period after he'd become what he was that he tried to come face to face with death again — in attempts to END their arrangement... but nothing had worked and he was still here.

perhaps they were more similar than he originally believed.

he's staring out at the water as the WEIGHT of felix's words finally hit him. and rian's brows knit underneath a mask, an unreadable expression ghosting over features. from behind him, reaper is deadly silent, as though she KNOWS the feeling that instills in the PIT of his stomach.

❝ felix... ❞ he's GENTLE, with the way he turns to him and the cowboy is reaching before he has a way of STOPPING himself, gloved hand tilting the other's so they're face to face. eye to eye. ❝ i am always comin' for ya. i will always be here. ❞ and it's not just the man who has a soft spot for the person in front of him, it's the reaper talking. ❝ d'ya think i don' want to see you no more? that's... that's not it at all. ❞

[deadbrawn]

💀 » CASE 001 / THE DEAD BOY DETECTIVES .

indie & priv. CHARLES ROWLAND from netfl.ix's DEAD BO.Y DETECTIVES. low activity. est 2024. MUTUALS ONLY. canon divergent. 21+. nsfw content. oc friendly. written by FORK. let's create chaos !

💀 » CASE 002 / CARRD.

❝ you are my best mate. i wouldn't want to be dead with anyone else. ❞

💀 » CASE 003 / affiliates/mains ; @deadsmart .

CAN ALSO BE FOUND AT: @afterdeaths && @ischaron .

[cragsnow]

what he wouldn't give to be able to make that deal. if it were as easy as linking pinky fingers, saying the words, and having that be it, then he'd do it in a heartbeat. but it isn't that easy, it's never that easy for him, and he can't pretend that it is.

‘ ...i can't make that promise. ’

there are two reasons why:

the first reason is that he doesn't know how his mental state is going to be from one day to the next. most days, the pain is bearable, and he can keep the nasty voice in the back of his quiet. other days, those rarer days where his willpower isn't so good, he ends up here on the beach, or wakes up in accident and emergency after having just had his stomach pumped. the days following that are the worst, usually, with the shame that lingers in his body and hounds him long after.

the second is that this is the only guaranteed way that he knows to get rian here with him. he wouldn't exactly describe it as lucky, given the circumstances surrounding it, but it sure works out well for him. ‘ so i guess this is it for us then. ’

IT ISN'T THAT RIAN WON'T indulge him ( not that he would even if he had the ABILITY ), it's that felix was one of those people that stuck around. the other man would say that he was born to suffer, but rian had other opinions. ones he wouldn't voice. felix was fate-touched and bound to LIVE, much as he was bound to his own eternal nothingness. ❝ you got my attention already. ❞ the malice leaves his voice the second their hands separate, and he finds himself disliking the VOID that the sensation leaves in his chest. rian opts to adjusting his hat, the rim shading his eyes as his chin tucks into his neck. from behind him, reaper makes a low, soft whinny.

❝ that's right. ❞ words of ENCOURAGEMENT, now. spilled into the foot separating their bodies, as though the sound of them will rekindle the thin red line holding them together. he wonders if that pull is more than just his own abilities now, if they were connected by more than just the moments before passing. ❝ how 'bout we make a deal, felix? you an' i? ❞ it was worth a shot, a last ditch attempt to save him. his words seem to hold weight, echoing a different TIME, a different place — death staring into his soul. ❝ i don' want t'see you like this no more, y'understand? ❞

[cragsnow]

he can't bring himself to raise his head, to take note of the way that he's being looked at with what he's sure is pity. but he doesn't want anyone's pity. he doesn't want people to feel bad for him, or tell him how things are going to get better. he just wants to not be here and rian won't indulge him. maybe it's for selfish reasons, and it's not even like felix can be annoyed at the prospect when he's doing the exact same thing. he would only be a hypocrite for calling out the behaviour, so he doesn't. he keeps those thoughts to himself, like he does with most other self-reflecting thoughts that he has. ‘ i'm just so desperate for your attention, i can't help myself. ’ even he can hear how flat his own tone is, devoid as it is of its usual humourous intention as he blatantly ignores the first part of rian's statement.

his hand is pulled away, tucked under his armpit as he wraps his arms around himself to try and encourage a bit more heat into his body. but it creates distance between them, even though neither of them have really moved. ‘ just a blip, ’ he tells the ocean, hoping the words will be washed away as the tide goes out, taken from him and across the horizon to shores unknown where they'll become someone else's problem and not his own. ‘ i'll be fine tomorrow. ’

RIAN WISHES HE COULD OFFER more warmth than the jacket on his back, but he had nothing to give. he can see the shivering, the small shakes that wander through the other's form with every little breeze that trails by the two of them. and he feels PITY, mixed in with the sadness that holds down on his shoulders. the sort that makes his heart ache and the frown on his face to grow EXPONENTIALLY over the ocean.

felix's words has him shifting his weight, the calm DEMEANOR about the cowboy changing with the connotation. when he finally looks back at the other man, his hazel hues are not soft. they are aged with years that he doesn't know of, experience, pain, and ANGER, and they match his tone when he speaks.

it's a stark contrast to rian's thumb, brushing ever so gently over the other's hand.

❝ i'm NOT takin' you with me. ❞ and then, gentler, like he's speaking to a spooked horse. ❝ there are better ways, felix, if ya want t'see me. ❞

[cragsnow]

it’s cold on the beach this morning. the early sunrise is still low enough on the horizon that its warming rays haven’t yet been able to reach him, and his soaking wet clothes, now coated in sand where he’s been sitting since rian arrived, are causing his body to shiver uncontrollably. the jacket is helping, warming him slightly, but he’s still hard-pressed to stop his teeth from chattering. it’s not like it ever really gets warm on a tuesday morning in march where essex is concerned anyway.

the hand that grasps his own feels like more of a comfort than anything else has in these past few months. ‘ i’ll stop trying when you stop showing up. ’ he tries to frame it as a joke, but it doesn’t quite land in his own ears, let alone what rian might think. that’s something that he doesn’t even want to begin to ponder. what must this man think of him? his next words are tentative, making him sound infinitely younger than his twenty-nine years. ‘ …did it work? or are you just here to make me feel worse than i already do? ’

❝ HOWDY / @cragsnow .

THERE'S SADNESS IN HIS EYES, that's the first thing felix will notice. an exhaustion that reaches past the expression onto his face and overwhelms his BODY, shoulders drooping on top of a big black horse. he'd dismounted quietly, gracefully, and SAUNTERED over like he had all the time in the world ( and maybe he did ), before gently taking the other's hand.

they're on the beach now, the other man HUDDLED in the jacket that's been removed off his back. looking out onto the water, unable to explain the FONDNESS he had for him. just that he had to be there, WANTED to be there, until it was time to take him away. rian didn't know when that would be, but he was realizing very quickly that there is a dread deep in his gut at the idea of it.

❝ we gotta stop meetin' like this. ❞