#IMREALLY OKAY

[magolorex]

oh my godddd i hate being born a woman and trying to search up your medical problems because its all like YOU ARE HAVING YOUR PERIOD (ive been on birth control for 1 or 2 years at this point). YOURE GOING THROUGH MENOPAUSE (im only 20 yrs old). YOU ARE PREGNANT (i think i would know). OVARY ISSUES (i have to get checked out yearly for those to get my birth control i know its not that). YOU ARE FAT (choke and die and become the dirt i walk on). like can you JUST FUCKING TELL ME WHY I AM HAVING REALLY BAD HOT FLASHES RECENTLY !!!!!!! PLEASE !!!!!!!!!!!!! I am on the verge of passing out from heat when i do anything CAN YOU PLEASE BE REAL WITH ME.Please. I dont want to have to go to a doctor im too busy

[asterias-record-shop]

OMG OMG OMG OMG OKAY IMREALLY EXCITED NOW!!! HERE WE GO BINGO: Dark Fic with Jimmy Keene with "Oh my darling girl, I have to mark you -- I need to show everyone who you belong to."

For the quick description I was thinking maybe Jimmy's girl is the type of girl that always turns heads and attracts ppl so one time when they're out (could be a party/bar/club) and Jimmy sees some guy talking to the reader and laughing then he gets jealous and yknow...😩 gets all possessive and shows her she's his

—𓆩[give me the word]𓆪—

𓆩[main masterlist]𓆪 𓆩[request/ask me something!]𓆪 𓆩[updated bingo card!]𓆪 𓆩[bingo masterlist]𓆪 𓆩[join the bingo taglist!]𓆪

𓆩♡𓆪 CHARACTER - Jimmy Keene x Fem! Girlfriend! Reader

𓆩♡𓆪 TYPE - fluff, smut

𓆩♡𓆪 WORD COUNT - 2.8K

𓆩♡𓆪 SUMMARY - Everyone knew you were Jimmy’s girl, everyone. It didn’t stop them from trying to steal you away, though, not that it ever worked. Besides, tonight was the opening of a new club, you both might as well give everyone something to look at - right?

𓆩♡𓆪 STORY WARNINGS - in this, I am only writing Jimmy as a rich boy who runs with the wrong crowd. The only reason I am attracted to this man is because of Taron Egerton and nothing else, and it is not set in the universe as Black Bird but the character of Jimmy Keene as Taron Egerton. || I do not remember the names of his friends, so I made them up- || cursing and foul language || sub! reader || girly reader || reader wears makeup and exposing clothing || kinda whiny reader || definitely a dom/sub dynamic || breeding kink || raw sex || multiple rounds || multiple orgasms ||

“What about this for tonight?”

James had been watching you come in and out of your walk-in closet for hours, trying on dozens of different outfits that all did the same thing — to show off your amazing body. He didn’t care what you wore, you would walk in under his arm tonight and no matter how many people looked and ogled, you were his.

“It’s nice.” He was way too focused trying to control his dick rather than pay attention to what he’d say about your outfits.

You looked beautiful in all of them, he didn’t care what you wore because in all honesty, it’d be off in a matter of seconds. His friend was opening a new club downtown, and it was the grand opening, so of course you had to go all out.

“For fucks sake, James, you’ve been saying the exact same thing for every outfit! You know what, how about I just don’t go, huh?! Nothing in my closet seems to satisfy you, bastard!” You sobbed, stomping into the closet and slamming the door.

“Fuck- Y/N!” He was quick to stand, fixing his cock as he tried to open the door, the lock making him groan. “Y/N, honey, let me in!”

“No! I don’t want to see you!” Your voice was muffled, but he could hear your sobs. Oh you were so over dramatic, but he loved it.

James groaned, leaning his head on the door. “Baby, come on! I think all of them were really nice!”

“Yeah, I know! That’s all you were saying, I don’t want to look nice, I want to look perfect, hot, amazing- anything other than just nice!” You sobbed even louder, wailing as you pressed your face into your hands.

Why was he so short? Why did he keep saying the same damn things over and over again? For fucks sake, he could’ve said something else besides, ‘It’s nice’ for every single damn outfit!

“Oh baby, I didn’t mean it like that! Come on, how about I buy you a new outfit, hm? I’ll take you to that shop you love so much, does that sound good?” He could hear your sobs pause, smiling. You always loved it whenever he took you shopping, this would be no different.

You whimper, his smile widening. “As many outfits as I want?”

He laughed, nodding. “As many as you want.”

“And some lingerie?”

“How could I forget the lingerie, baby?”

“And perfume?”

You were going to make him go broke, but he didn’t care. Not when everything he was about to splurge on was for you.

“How about two perfumes?”

He didn’t even notice the door opening, quickly catching himself before he fell and you ran into his chest with a loud sob. “Don’t ever tell me I look just nice again!”

James laughed, nodding as he stroked your cheeks. “Whatever you say, my love. Do you want to wear that to the store?”

You paused, looking down at your black dress that was way too short but James loved, a smile on his lips as you bent your leg back, looking down at the bottom of your Louboutins. “Yes.”

It makes him laugh again as you walk out, your strut perfectly swinging your hips from side to side before you stop and look back. “Are you coming?”

“Yes ma’am.”

He followed you out the door of your shared room, stepping over the mess of clothes you had made trying to figure out outfits, smiling as you reached back and grabbed his hand. “I’m hungry. Get me some food too?”

“Whatever you want, baby. From the food court or the way back?” It was a simple question, but you pouted like it was the biggest decision on earth.

“I don’t know. They have that really good place at the food court, but I’ve been craving that restaurant too… Can we decide later?” You lead him down the stairs making James nod, smiling.

He could never stop smiling around you, it was impossible. “You just tell me what you want me to do, baby, I’ll pick up whatever you want.”

“How about both?”

“If that’s what you want.”

“That’s what I want! Now come on, we have to go!” You giggled as you pulled him out the door, groaning as you tried to tug on his hand to get him to go faster as he locked the door. “Come on, Jimmy!”

It didn’t take you both to get to the shopping center, James lounging on one of the expensive futons while you changed in the dressing room. “Jimmy, are you ready?!”

“Yes, love!” He sits up, smiling as you walk out of the dressing room onto the platform, the entire dressing room like your own personal runway.

You walked down toward him, showing off the black dress that he was sure you had just tried on earlier back home. “Darling, as beautiful as you looked, didn’t you just try that one?”

You started giggling, nodding. “You passed the test! I wanted to make sure you were paying attention.”

“How could I not when your tits look so good in that dress baby?” He begins to stand, already walking toward you before you pressed a foot to his chest.

“Behave, James, I’m not done with my fashion show. I still have to find an outfit for tonight.” You giggled, pressing your foot against his chest to push him back into the futon. “I’m thinking red.”

“Oh, I don’t care what color it is, as long as I can take it off of you quickly.” He winked up at you, watching as you giggled and strutted back into the dressing room. “Still love that dress, baby!”

In the end, you did settle on a red dress, and he loved it. Oh, he loved it.

As soon as the both of you walked into the club, he squeezed your ass firmly and pressed a kiss to your temple. You were already swaying your hips to the music, giggling as you looked around at the strippers on the pole like how you were looking around at the clothing store.

“Oh, they’re so pretty! James, do you have some bills?” You looked over at him making him nod, not even looking at the women. He was sure they were beautiful, but no one compared to how pretty you were. So instead, he watched as he handed you a lot more hundred dollar bills than he expected and watched as you giggled. “Thank you, baby! I love you!”

“I love you too, darling.” He pressed a firm kiss to your temple and watched as you ran off to join your friends. He slipped through the crowds easily, quickly going up to the main pavilion where everyone was, quickly getting a drink and sitting right on the edge where he watched you throw money – both his and your own – at the very pretty dancers before being dragged to the dance floor with your friends.

He smiled, already taking a sip of his drink before Shawn sat down next to him, letting out a loud cheer that made you look up. He could practically hear your giggle as you waved up at him, James softly kissing his hand as you smiled widely before starting to dance again.

“Oh for fucks sake, Jimmy, you’re fucking whipped.”

James rolls his eyes in annoyance, scoffing. “Yeah, I’d rather be whipped than be getting STDs-”

“Oi, keep it down!” Shawn laughs, leaning over as he takes the next two drinks offered by a server. “Want a drink?”

“I’m good.” James raises his own, shrugging. He didn’t trust Shawn enough to take a drink from him, even if he invited him to the opening. “Can you blame me though? Look at her.”

He watched as you threw your head back, mouth open as you laughed and smoothed down the sides of your dress. Your friends were dancing with each other, one behind you before someone tugged you away making James shoot up.

“Hey, calm down!” Shawn laughs, looking up at James. “That’s Kingsley, man, you know him. He’s a trust fund kid. You can’t do shit to him.”

“Fucking watch me.”

James was already basically running down the stairs, shoving past everyone to get to where you were, yelling at the guy to keep his hands off of you.

“Hey, don’t you fucking hear her?! Get your hands off!” James shoved him, pulling you behind him not even a minute afterwards as Kingsley stumbled. “Get your fucking hands off my girl, you fucking bastard.”

“Oh, hey Jimmy,” Kingsley laughed, pushing his hair back. “Didn’t know this was your girl, she’s prettier than the last time I saw her. You don’t know the meaning of sharing, Keene, come on- fuck!”

Jimmy really couldn’t have been happier when searing-hot pain developed from his knuckles, watching as Kingsley fell back and you yelped loudly. “Jimmy-!”

“Come on,” Jamese grabbed your hand, pulling you back toward the private rooms as you gasped. “Come on, baby, let’s go.”

“Where are we going? Jimmy, what if someone calls the cops-”

“You think I care about some cops?” James walked into the first room with no ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign, pulling you into the room with a smile. “Gonna make sure everyone in the club knows your mine.”

You whimpered as he easily lifted you up, hands holding your ass that was basically falling out of your dress, your hot cunt grinding against his cock as the two of you fell back against the bed. He laughed, his hands groping the fat of your ass as he fixed himself.

“Fuck, darling, you’re already so desperate. What, were you getting wet on the dance floor?” He could feel the wet patch developing on his slacks, hands shaping your thighs as you roll your hips against nothing.

“N-No, no of course not!” It was embarrassing how wet you got just from him punching Kingsley, but it was so fucking hot.

“So when did you get this wet, hm baby? Tell me.” His thick fingers slide up and down your slit, his open mouth sucking and biting against your neck, your mind already blurring as you bucked into his digits.

You weren’t even able to speak at this point, whimpering loudly with his fingers the only thing on your mind. Why hadn’t he pushed them in yet, why wasn’t he fucking you?

“You think you’re still stretched out from last night?”

Well for fucks sake, you were about to find out.

He merely pulled your underwear to the side, his mouth never stopping its assault on your neck, continuing to bite and lick and suck marks all over your skin. Your body was hot, hips bucking uncontrollably as his thumb starts to rub firmly against your clit and his cock slides up and down your slit.

“Y-Your… you’ve already covered my entire neck, J-James, it hurts,” you whisper, gasping as his hot tongue delicately trails over the hickies and bite marks as he slammed his hips forward. It makes your vision go white, a gasp falling from your lips as he groans loudly. “J-Jimmy!”

“Oh my darling girl, I have to mark you — I need to show everyone who you belong to. So that no mother fucker like that ever gets near you again, so everyone knows you’re mine.” He basically growled against your skin, his hips rolling slightly to get his cock deeper inside of you, his balls sliding against the bottom of your cunt, smearing your arousal. “Maybe I should do some more things to make sure everyone knows you’re mine.”

“What, like putting a baby in me?” Your voice was strong now, your hands rubbing against his chest as you slipped open his shirt by undoing the buttons. “You want to have kids while being a drug lord?”

“And I’ll spoil that kid fucking rotten,” he whispered, nuzzling his nose against yours as he sighed. “I’ll spoil you and that kid fuckin’ rotten. Just give me the word and I’ll give you that baby.”

“Y-Yes,” you whisper, ducking down to press a kiss against that mole on his neck. “Yes baby, yes. Give me that baby, get me pregnant.”

That was all he needed to pull out of you before slamming back in, just that one thrust making your mind blur and a loud moan fall from your lips, your first orgasm of the night coming quicker than you thought it would. “F-Fuck Jimmy!”

“Did you-” he paused, staring down at your cunt as he felt you clench around him, over and over again as your hips rutted upwards into his own. “Did you just cum?”

“I-I did, I did, please be gentle-!” You couldn’t even finish your sentence before he flipped you easily onto your stomach, straddling your lower thighs as he held the back of your head, thrusting into you from behind. He was humping against your butt, the pubes on his pelvis rubbing against the globe of your ass as he held your hips to help you stay kneeling upward for him. “Fuck, James!”

“Come on baby, I haven’t even cum once and you're already so sensitive? Fuck, you’re always so desperate for me darling, so fucking desperate for me,” he groaned against your shoulder, his other hand that wasn’t holding your hip going up to intertwine with your own. “How would I not get you pregnant, baby? What would keep you from not getting pregnant from the amount of times I’m about to cum in you?”

His large hand held your hips, his pointer and middle finger rubbing against your swollen clit, his dirty words making your stomach twist. Or maybe it was the amount of times his tip was ramming into your cervix, his cock fucking you like a fleshlight. You could feel sparks running up your back, his hot breath fanning against your skin making everything just feel so much more.

You could feel every stutter of his hips, every sharp breath he took as he groaned against your skin, the sharp thrust that finally concluded his first climax of the night. It wasn’t like he was done yet, though, gently settling your body against the bed and slipping a pillow under your body to help support you.

You could feel the soft material of the pillow case against your puffy clit, your hands digging into the bed as he hoisted your red, two piece dress higher up your body and stared at the movements he made your body do. He watched your knuckles turn white as you gripped onto the sheets, your body bouncing with every thrust as he moved both hands to intertwine his fingers through yours.

“Fuck baby, I’m going to cum inside of you so much, it’s going to leave a damn bulge. There’s no fuckin’ way you won’t get pregnant after this.” He groaned against your skin, gasping as your cunt fluttered around his shaft.

Were you going to cum again? You had felt your stomach tighten so many times, so many fucking times, which orgasm was this? How many times had you cum around his cock?

“F-Fuck!” You screamed out as he thrusted forward, groaning as he rutted against your ass, the both of you cumming at the same time for the first time that night, even though it certainly wouldn’t be the last.

He groaned against your skin as he kissed up your neck to your ear, humming softly. “I’m going to cum inside of you so much that when you walk out of this club, my cum’s going to run down your thighs. Does that sound nice baby?”

“Y-Yes, fuck, yes.”

“Good fucking girl.”

omg, I love fulfilling requests ♡

Bingo tag 𓆩[@ennycutie]𓆪   𓆩[@yoongiwife23]𓆪 𓆩[@urlocalbum12-blog]𓆪 𓆩[@theonetheonly-mee]𓆪

Regular taglist: 𓆩[@lem0ns77]𓆪 𓆩[@cecepop15]𓆪 𓆩[@memeorydotcom]𓆪   𓆩[@your-favorite-god]𓆪   𓆩[@xyzstar]𓆪  𓆩[@just-my-shit]𓆪   𓆩[@your-mom21]𓆪   𓆩[@c78r]𓆪   𓆩[@dizscreams]𓆪   𓆩[@asrt5]𓆪   𓆩[@xoxomoonlightbabe]𓆪   𓆩[@wenvierismycomfort]𓆪   𓆩[@copypastedaphne]𓆪   𓆩[@f-aggotry]𓆪

© asterias-record-shop

[marblebagcollective]

HI IMREALLY SPRRY i accidnetally pressed the "suggest warning" thjng whike i was trying to get dsmp stuff out of my fyp .... IMSORRY IT WAS A MISCLICK!!!

i dont know whwybthis means i just woke up 😭it should be okay though i doubt unless u had like evidsnce to.. warn me it would be a problem

[dead-in-devil-town]

I posted 299 times in 2022

51 posts created (17%)

248 posts reblogged (83%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@shit-man-imreally-gay

@catgirlfemboy

@dangitsbrightinhere

@dropoutparty

@joey-wheeler-official

I tagged 87 of my posts in 2022

#fortnite - 11 posts

#fortnite oc - 7 posts

#got - 5 posts

#game of thrones - 5 posts

#asoiaf - 4 posts

#a song of ice and fire - 4 posts

#mikha rambles - 3 posts

#furry - 3 posts

#commissions - 3 posts

#sp - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#i've been having such a bad last few days and everything is just coming to a head now and i can't. i dont know. how to handle this. im so st

(Wow thanks tumblr for reminding me of my worst moments)

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I used this picrew! (https://picrew.me/image_maker/92646)

I made my loopsona for Fortnite! This picrew actually had like all of my favorite design things to give my sonas teehee!

I haven't decided a name yet but I'm thinking like something Nova or Star or something. Something spacey!

7 notes - Posted December 6, 2022

#4

Everyone shipping their loopsona/fotnite ocs with jonesy

meanwhile I'm like

hello dadDDYYYYYY???

8 notes - Posted December 6, 2022

#3

Holy fuck Dead End Paranormal Park is actually so important and amazing for rep I'm sobbing.

17 notes - Posted June 18, 2022

#2

Okay so the autism has attached to Blues Clues and I'm watching the new movie and

IF RAINBOW PUPPY KNEW SHE WANTED JOSH FOR THE PART WHY EVEN HAVE AUDITIONS

21 notes - Posted November 22, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Okay so can we all agree that Butters would be the one kid to be like "Oh well I like Chris Pratt as Mario!" and everyone else is visually disgusted by him

86 notes - Posted October 8, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

Overall. fortnite is my market.

[syztemerrxr]

OH OKAY!! NO IDONT HAVE ANY OTHER REFS ATM... THNAYKYOU SO MCUH THOUGH IMREALLY EXCITED AAUHHHG

@maxphilippa @knific @cemetaryvampire @norazingrid @all-boxedup im sparing fryer of being mentioned

Thankz for being my mutuals guys…… I really mean it you all are the world to me especially this past week

I got SO lucky to meet you lot (and everyone else Ill get to draw eventually) idk how else to show my appreciation

[3dnyaaaaaw]

ZUTTER - GD&TOP Hidden Vocals Ver.

Use headphones/earphones!

highlights:

TOP’s growls and barks

Jiyong’s hitched gasp followed by whispering “keep it sexual” sexually

Jiyong’s “ugh"x3 during his verse

More | Request | Audio not playing?: Alternate Link

[sadgoblinboysworld]

OKAY SO LISTEN UP THESE ARE THE BEST MEN FOR MY WEDDING @almostlovingdreamland @whipped-for-jackson-wang @imreally-sadbro STANDS IN THE BACKGROUND SUSPICIOUSLY, HOLDING A BLACK UMBRELLA AND SMOKING A CIGAR 

[writingandmore]

Hey! Can I get a matchup for Helluva boss? I’m 5’10, ftm, and polyamorous. I’m generally unlabeled sexuality wise, but I do prefer men. I have freckles on my face arms and back, but mostly on my face, and I have a Mohawk, and my hair is half orangeish blonde and half black! (#boyboss moment ) I’m autistic, dyslexic, and I have adhd. I wear kinda roundish glasses? They’re dark blue and I’m literally blind without them but I’m starting to wear contacts Bc tbh I don’t like my glasses. personality wise, I’m a really kind and caring person, but I’m also really chaotic in general. I’m really hyper and energetic and loud, and I’m really impulsive and tend to get into mischief for funsies. I’m a performer and I’m really theatrical in general, being I play saxophone and I act in public!! I am very kind and caring with everyone around me. I’m always there as a shoulder to cry on and I tend to comfort people and try to brighten everyone’s day. I love making people feel happy and confident in themselves. I love myself a lot and I want to make everyone feel loved by me and themselves. I have a lot of positivity and one of my biggest goals is to share it with the world in full. I’m also very honest with my opinions though and I will 100% call someone out if their being stupid including friends. I voice my opinion on people I don’t like, and I can get aggressive if someone’s being discriminatory to people, or just being a dick in general. I have really tight morals and I get aggressive when people walk on them. I’m a stoner *bites lip* Like I said previously I’m really chaotic and I need someone that’ll be okay with me messaging them at like 4 in the morning with stupid pictures of myself or “babe wake up we need to watch shrek 2 on zoom again😈” BAHA in a relationship, I can be kinda clingy ig. I can get jealous sometimes but I don’t really express it a ton. I need someone that will tell me their boundaries because I have a habit of crossing lines if I don’t know that their there. I really need healthy communication but I’m bad at initiating it. I write my s/o(s) sweet notes, bake them things, give them little trinkets (bottle caps, bottles, string, buttons, ribbon, screws, bones etc. I’m simply a raccoon in a skin suit waiting to escape from my flesh prison 😈) and like I said I’m impulsive, and most the time it’s just silly mischievous stuff but sometimes it’s deadass stuff that could get me hurt so I need maybe someone to be like “Ayo take a seat sir that isn’t a good idea” But my love languages are touch and gift giving (the way I express love/affection) and for receiving love/affection I like gifts, words of affirmation and touch. Imreally loyal! Loyalty is a very important thing to me. Im also brave, and this isn’t a personality trait but I’m decently physically strong and I like showing off to people my strength. Me being a actor and musician is really important to me. I love doing it, and I’m very comfortable on a stage infront of big groups of people. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS KIND PERSON🙏🙏🙏 I WISH NOTHING BUT THE BEST FOR YOU😈‼️

I pair you with Moxxie!

- Your kind and caring personality would mix quite well with what Moxxie looks for in a partner. He may live in hell, but off the job he's typically quite sweet or at the very least not outwardly hostile. He can be quite anxious, and often afraid to take risks, but with a more chaotic s/o like yourself, he could be convinced to do more things he hasn't thought to try before. Of course, he'd also adore that your a performer and really into theater-he'd not miss one of your performances if he can help it.

[chrisbangs]

i don't wanna be anon!!!! i'd tell everyone you're funny and passionate and chanloving (that's a trait btw) and you are great and they should all love u okay byeeeee

CHANLOVINGMFKSKSKS 😭😭😭 SROPFPDLOS STOP IM GONNA CRY :(((( luna can u please stop making me want to give u the whole world bc imreally sad that i CANT give u the whole world >:(((

tell me on anon how you would describe me to someone who's never met me

[ottorable]

What's your Sousuke blog? owo

Oh its! @sougre

[coldandhotsoba]

1

1. “@” people you want to be friends with

asdkfjl;asdjfask;dl GOSH THIS WAS THE ONE I WAS NOT PREPPED FOR okay im really really really really bad at communicating, to the MAX. and im awkward as heck.. so pretty much, id love to be friends with my mutuals? but i really dont want to bug or bother anyone, and imreally bad at keeping up conversations so imma just do@mutals 

[thelioninmybed]

Imreal/Khazri "role reversal"?

An epic saga in which a spider takes up residence in Imrael’s surgery. Imrael refuses to move it because it’s not doing any harm and it’s good pest control and I’ve named her, her name is Cordelia, live and let live, right? Okay, yes, spiders are oogie and I don’t want to touch it.

Khazri spends the next few chapters having flashbacks and hyperventilating as he manoeuvres it into a mug using a piece of cardboard, while Imrael stands on his operating table shouting directions. 

[cambiumkill]

.

[lgbtrash]

munchkintaco replied to your post “ugh i feel horrible…. no one is being here for me when i need them...”

What's going on dude, you okay?

no im having a bit of a breakdown imreally scared of my ex and someone was sending me messages about him i hope it wasnt ian

[yoonasgf]

171013- saturday a rant dnt bother reading

i feel like i wanna talk to someone but then i think about it and what am i even expecting ? whenever i say smth i regret it immediately so just thinking abt expressing whats bothering me to others i just know ill regret adn feel guilty and embarrassed about it later so i never talk to anyone abt anything that goes on in my mind and it gets to the point where its so over bearing i feel like its drowning my head somehow , im so.. lonely wld be the word but lonely in my thoughts but like that doesnt even make sense idk im just writing here bc i need to let my feelings out somehow and i’d usually do it on twitter but like the 140 characters thing anyway i just feel like i want to let things out but whenevr i do i never like the answer i get, like if they give me advice i feel annoyed cus i wasnt asking for help i was simply stating how i felt (and most of the time its stuff that cant really be fixed?), if they tell me stuff like “i love you !” its like ok? ik its mean but someone elses love does not affect my situation at all since its an inner issue that doest rly have to do with self-esteem, and if they just are like ‘yeah’ or ‘thats so bad:(’ ijust feel like theyre not paying attention (even if they are) which makes me regret opening up, so i dont really know what im expecting when i vent to someone i guess i just want to feel like someone is listening to me idk im like so full of thoughts and feelings. writing this feels like its calming me down a little bit so i think im just gonna keep writing, in english (its funny how id rather open up in english since its my second language i feel more alienated from it so it feels less real? what im talking about seems less seriousdk) so whats circling in my mind is that i dont have anyone im urging to meet i dont have anyone i truly like anymore and that my ladies is so fucking sad and frustrating that ive mentally grown apart from my friends im just not myself when im with them and sure my fake-extroverted persona ive built throughout highschool is good at doing her job and she still gets along with them so well but now it feels like that side of me, the fake one, is another person like we used to share some “mental common ground” but not anymore i just dont have anything in common with that persona anymore so whenever im with my old friends i just become her it’s like i completely leave reality it makesme so lonely inside. and i cant help it its unvoluntary how i switch places with the other me i cant stop it and i hate it because i feel like its drowning me alive, along with my personal issues. lately ive been isolating myself a lot, i stay in the classroom during recess and i havent gone out in like a month.actually last time i went out i decided i just wont go out anymore i just think its not for me i truly dont have fun. is that okay like is that normal? like is just dont enjoy the loudness and the kind of jokes that go on, i think if grown too fast. i justdont wannatalk about drinking andsex and how evil the math teacher is, like its fine once ia while but iwanna discuss science and philosohy and share thoughs too,  anything else is so irrelevant it’s so sos irrrelevant to me. not that i dont enjoy good laughs anddrinking, but for that i feel like i wanna be with someone who is special to me? like someone whoi respect intellectually first, and then we can laugh at dog memes. someone i can show my realpersona to,and the thing is i have my best friends she’s literally so perfect bc she’s smart but also silly so we can talk abt hitler but then we can talk abt that one episode of sponge bob ? but the thing is shes graduating this year, and she has like an almost boyfriend, so i decided i should start getting used to her not beingwith me, but thats way more lonely than i thought. the guy thing, it wasnt planned, and shes with her crush most of the time which i totally understand i watn them to be together and stuff but i dont have anyone else but her- that is the real me not the fake persona, the fake persona hasmany people- but i though “she deserves this” so decided to step back so they can concentrate on each other. she ofc wouldve never asked this of me, but it seems like it was the best, sometimes i feel like a huge burden to her. but now imrealizing how lonely it has made me, being with her is like letting go of a breath that ive been holding and im realizing how much i need her. so i thought of like ‘slipping’ back in but im faced with the fact that we will infact part ways when she graduates because we’re attending universities in different parts of the country so maybe i should be getting used to the solitude, until someone else comes. and someone else seems to be here, this one friend i have in my new class, but im so scared of opning up to her, im scared of her kindness to me. i always think “why is she so nice? why does she stand up for me” at first she wasa bit too rough for me but as we spent time together i think she realized what kind of person i am and changed her ways so now were getting closer and closer and it makes me so 불안해 and 두려워 (idk how to express the sentiment in english) i dont even know what im scared of, it;s not like ive been hurt before in that way i think? maybe i have i cant remember. the point is, i know i should let this person in because she’d help me but i just cant seem to opne the freaking door its like my hand is shakinly holding teh doorknob without actually twisting it. i do think i will eventually tho. anyway. i was saying i spend alot of time alone these days, reading,studying, twitter, watching stuff, and its really nice i really do enjoy being by myself but i honestly dont have manyb things to do? so eventually the Thoughts come, and lately what ive been meditating is how the reason why i dont get close or attached to people (again the fake me might get closed but not me) is because simply no one is as good company to me as myself? which is fine wyou know many people feel like that, but i hate that if im alone poeple thinkg i dont have friends or that im sad and they think its bad that i am alone which is really not the case. i could be with ppl if i wanted to i just chose not to. theres this particular guy in my class actually, who thinks he has to be my friends bcim often alone and it irriates me so much bc 1. hes interrumpting my enjoyable me-time 2. he does it out of pity and boi do i hate pity like sometimes i just stay in the classroom doing homework or reading and he comes in likw “why are u always alone:(” because i want to you fucking dumbass andtoday or maybe it was yesterday particularly he said “why are you always alone is it becayse you dont have freinds bc you went on exchange and dont know anyone” llike um no im alone because i literally want to be alone you absolute dipshit and ido have 10 times more friends than you i just dont feel like being wit hthem you fucking asshole it pissed me off so much as if he’s ?? helping in anyway ?? i just wish anyone whosaw me alone wld tjust think ‘i guess she likes being alone’ isntead of thinking that im alone bc no one is willing to keep me company. isuddenly got really mad writting this. i think this really calmed me downishould do it more often its not like anyone who follows me here wld open it, like ideally this is whatdiaries are for but i dnt like to waste paper. im gonna write the date as well 

[dangankins]

i dont know i okay im from ndrv3 (not gonna say who cuz im not valid at all lmao) and im getting really sick and just mentally drained and i dont think i'll be able to make it until the release of the game im hhh im really tired and even a week seems too long i want to sleep for a long long time and i stopped being able to like move around and im sorry for ruining your new years imreally sorry

Hi!

I’m really sorry that you feel this way! And you are valid, trust me. Everyone is. You will make it to the release of the game! I believe in you, and I know that you will!

Life can be really hard at times, I understand that. But everything turns out alright in the end, and if you still don’t feel alright, then it’s not the end. You have to keep pushing because so many care about you! 

You can’t ever give up, alright? And even if you really really want to, don’t give in. You have so much more to offer, and a full life ahead of you!

Take care, alright?

-Mod Chihiro