#IM SO SORRY FOR WHATEVER THIS IS
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you know, you know. no gods, no masters, no kings on pedestals. everyone is fallible. death of the author. you know! you are balanced about your intake of media - you allow the wiggle room, the grace, the gratitude, the skepticism. nobody above criticism.
but still. a weird gut-punch feeling, something akin to betrayal. you read the article. surprise! an author you love is actually: a serial fucking predator.
well, shit. what now. no, you knew he was a person (all people are), but now you're wondering - what have i overlooked by accident? what messages have i internalized that are strange and cruel? and also, like, what the fuck?
his actions lay a thick glaze on top of everything. like each place is now ruined, opaque in a new way. but okay, fine, you've done this before. you knew better, right? you've been betrayed by many a cherished childhood author.
still, this stickiness. fuck. can you pick up that book again. will you read it to your children. you've recommended it to others - will you ever do that again? and of course, of course, no parasocial relationships. you were theoretically above this kind of sentiment. but the artist informs the art, right.
so it's not something as clear-cut as feeling he owed you, specifically (a stranger) better behavior - just that you kind of, in a distant and odd way... sort of trusted him to do better. it's not like a real trust or something speakable, just the faint hope that the product (good books) was a thin representation of the soul. now it feels like the product (good? books?) was a mask. in some small or insignificant way, your previous support of this person lent them power. your money and your time and your laughter.
and the thing is - you have this terrible, echoing sensation. how many times will this happen? over and over. you find out that the singer you love is actually a predator. you learn over drinks that your favorite high school english teacher is in jail for what he did to her. you listen to the news idly and suddenly discover that a woman you used to idolize has been abusing her kids for an actual eon.
what can you touch without the static melting off. you can't even really complain about it too much (you were supposed to know better, and besides, you don't want the same re-split "it's not your fault, love what you love" basic advice), but now it's here. somehow, it feels like - you let him into your life.
it's not that things need to be pure or an artist has to be like, endlessly perfect, mindful. demure. it's more just this terrible truth that has been replayed through your veins so often it feels criminally vain. power corrupts, absolute power corrupts absolutely. did you want any one person to be worth that power?
it's just that he wrote books where he seemed to understand that. he seemed to know about hierarchies and unfair systems and bigotry and privilege. you thought they were books about what it means to struggle. you thought they were about having power and still using it for good rather than for control. he spooned you a narrative of being a good guy, a kind soul. you fucking bought what that fucking monster sold.
maybe that's why they were fantasies, after all.
#spilled ink#warm up#oh im .... sick to my stomach.#i talked to him. like ....... we talked. that man interacted with my poetry and writing.#that article.... gutwrenching. i am so sorry to everyone he's ever even been in the room with.#i feel.... like... unbearably. sick.#he acted like he was cool and friends with me!! we were cool internet writers together!!!!!#i feel sick for even having been polite to him.#i ...... am experiencing something so fucking complicated.#i wonder how many of u are feeling that too. like ''oh i sent him an ask and he was funny and sweet''#THATS HOW THEY GET U. ..... and YES I KNOW!!!#i am so fucking well-read about parasocial relationships. it would just be nice to like. trust that someone ISNT#hiding a huge fucking background of BEING A COMPLETE MONSTER. LIKE WHAT THE FUCK.#by the way i am not part of a fandom. this is “what the fuck i accidentally supported a rapist” not#“but my showww”. like i care far more about like. the human cost.#but also like... people are people. idk i saw a take on here about how nobody should mourn the books#and idk. people almost always reply to any scenario with their personal experience first -#''i knew him'' or ''wow i was just at that store'' or ''i grew up there'' or whatever. because that is how we establish connection &#emotional weight. that's just... a person thing. and there is a difference between 'oh this guy is a monster'' & the feeling of:#he's been a monster and i SUPPORTED THAT. i CELEBRATED him. i !!! a fucking victim myself!!!!!!!!! SUPPORTED . HIM.#i am sick. i feel so much pain for her and everyone he's ever hurt. saying ''the books are ruined'' is i think ... like how people say#they're shocked and disgusted by him. (obviously there's nuance here. im sure there's some creep doin it wrong. but u know. in general)#idk..... im an author. i understand my work is in your life in whatever small way. i understand that connection. it's real.
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Im not dead believe it or not
#im so sorry to everyone who followed me for httyd but im doing this now#I WILL GET BACK TO IT EVENTUALLY I SWEAR#whatever look at my stupid fucking self indulgent tf2 scribbles#tf2#tf2 fanart#tf2 scout#tf2 sniper#tf2 medic#tf2 heavy#team fortress 2#heavymedic#speeding bullet
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Best conversations I've had with my partner
#simpatico#i love my lab partner#transformers#mtmte#brainstorm#brainstorm idw#perceptor#idw#i call him my alien#he tries his best#he struggles with affection but so do i#I tell him I will kill him#he tells me he will put me in a snowglobe#then i tell him i will explode#and he is like “oh no whatever will i do i am so sad”#then i am like “okay no im sorry please dont be sad i will not exploed”#he also says he's going to lower me into lava#if you could not tell from the blog name i am brainstorm in these images and my lab partner is perceptor
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jiggy but with his card's hairstyle 🤩
#wasnt gonna post this here but whatever heh#not beating the jimmy liker allegations im. so fuckign sorry#mouthwashing#jimmy mouthwashing#zoup art
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btw i feel like this shouldn't have to be said but the reason that agatha hates rio is because agatha didn't get to say goodbye to nicky. rio couldn't offer her any more time. and, in rio's mind, nicky going peacefully in his sleep (and even telling him to turn around and kiss agatha goodbye!!) is the one grace rio feels she can give agatha. nicky doesn't suffer. he doesn't fight. he just...goes. he goes on a walk with his mother and kisses his mama goodbye. but agatha doesn't get to say goodbye!!! she doesn't get those final moments with him!! she wakes up and he's already gone.
#agatha all along#aaa spoilers#agatha all along spoilers#agatha harkness#idk i keep seeing people say that like. there's no reason for agatha to hate rio bc of how gentle she was collecting nicky and its like#i don't think u are seeing it from agatha's pov.#unfortunately i am team agatha in the divorce. sorry.#also i do genuinely love that they were so messy.#agathario#kind of?#anyway. trust i have my docs open.#again so sorry to everyone who followed me for literally anything else#i also think some of agatha's coven killings for agatha were a way to balance the cosmic scale or whatever.#she kills enough witches and she might have the chance to get nicky back etc etc but im too tired to go into that further
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alien romulus asks the question of 'what if your friends new baby was real ugly'
#this is so derivative im sorry. im intoxicated or whatever .#romulus slapped go see it#.txt#alien romulus
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alternate apocalypse ending or something who the hcrist knows anymore
#mcu#xmen movies#xmen#xmen apocalypse#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#professor x#magneto#snap sketches#almost posted this to the wrong blog omg i wouldve thrown up#this dumb as hell forgive me chat#unrelated i thought today was sunday but no it's. 4AM saturday THAT MEANS ITS CHERIK POSTING TIME#i thought of binning this like five times but ive convinced myself i like enough of this to keep it#at the very least im making myself chortle at the mini charles in the corner. like yeah that about summarizes it donnit#anyway the reason why we're here. highkey just wanted charles to grab his waist SORRY#and this was the first thing i thought of so. Apocalypse But Erik Directs The Ending jvlkeajl#my god i was gonna say something else but. i forgot#oh wait no i remember hold on. uhhh something something charles shouldve fought harder or whatever erik said in dofp#dofp IS before apocalypse i know this but it applicable. probably. im not gonna think bout it on whats essentially a shitpost#ok im sleeping now bye. ive got more doodles i wanna do but my god im sleepy. or at least i should sleep
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was it casual when i sat in your lap in public? was it casual when i said "recently my heart is crying because you're leaving"? was it casual when we decided how your last name would fit with mine? ("yuki tsunoda-gasly" / "no tsunoda, only gasly" / "yuki gasly?") was it casual when we sang adele's "someone like you" together at your going away party? was it casual when i knew it was you just by touching your ass? was it casual when i knew it was you by smell alone? was it casual when "will you miss me?" / "for 2-3 minutes maybe" / "i'll take that. even if it's just 2-3 minutes, i'll take that"? was it casual when that bus was completely empty and we still sat right next to each other, all the way in the back? was it casual when i picked you up multiple times so you could dunk a basketball? was it casual when i begged to come over to your house multiple time and then you finally let me and we cooked fried rice together? was it casual when we played christmas twister together and i said "your big eggplant is touching my ass"? was it casual when we were pressed up against each other on a scooter going two miles per hour? was it casual when-
#edit: tinytauris fact checked my post and they sang 'hello' not someone like you & it was 'your big monster' not eggplant#everyday i think about the fact that yukierre should've been what lestappen is now#i should be able to go on the yukierre tag on ao3 and it should say 'showing 1-20 of 6745'#they were genuinely so fuckingg weird about each otherrrrrr#im being so serious when i say that if they ever came out as gay/bi/whatever i really wouldnt be surprised#literally just 'okay?? fork spotted in kitchen cmon now' moment#anyway i think about that moment on the bus soooo often#will you miss me? / maybe for 2-3 minutes / ill take that then. even if it's just for 2-3 minutes ill take that#hwat the FUCK#i was going 'gay gay homosexual' everytime i saw them together#yukierre#yuki tsunoda#pierre gasly#also im like 90% sure that everyting i worte down actually happened but if i wrote smth down that didnt happen#and my yukierre infested brain just conjured up please let me know#also ive had this is in my drafts foreverrrr (re: since july) so if this has already been done im so sorry#i always feel like such a loser making posts about driver relationships lol#like 'oh look at that weirdo that got too invested in people she doesn't even know'#whatever im getting to introspective now#1k
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TOP 5 TUMBLR POP CULTURE MOMENTS OF 2024
@lgbtqcreators creator bingo
#bro. this is the most cursed thing i've ever made#i was searching for potato vectors. VECTORS OF POTATOES#and spent days trying to remember what even HAPPENED this year#so. whatever lmao how do i even tag this#so sorry to the moots im tagging sdlklsdlkd#2024edit#mygif#tumblr#tumblredit#popcultureedit#userairi#usercats#usermaguire#tuserheidi#janielook#tsusermels#usernessa#usermandie#tuserlucie#tsusermeggie#userriel#userrobin#useralien#userbess#userbunneis#userbuckleys#userbeckett#usermimsi#userlaro#userahne
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beloved friend sent me one of scar's newer tweets and i HAD to draw it
#hermitcraft#desert duo#this is so rushed and inconsistent but like WHATEVER i had fun!!!! i Needed to do something fun today#didn't they have a moment like this in last life w skizz or something??#grian#goodtimeswithscar#art out the oven#if i have another case of ''shitpost art gets more notes than art i put a lot of effort into'' i will. not explode actually it's funny#sorry about scar's wheelchair i am not referencing anything!#this is from my vague memory of the wheelchair i had to play basketball#edit: also hi gemmy im sorry youve ended up the mcyter punching bag /j this comic is gemmy erasure
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happy pride month
#surprise. it's a bit. i actually drew the punchline earlier and was like “oh ill make up the lead in later”#and then the lead-in ended up being 8 pages long and semi-serious. kms. and my wrist#isat#isat spoilers#odile#siffrin#mirabelle#i want to be her best friend irl and im so serious i adore her#anyways. long post be upon ye dash again sorry#art#god i hope this one lands im worried it sucks. oh well. cant all be bangers#also this isnt the same universe or context or whatever as the other comic like this its just bits#also. the trick to getting siffrin to agree to themself being loved is to just confuse them with something else. like a dog taking a pill#long post
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the krampus incident from the book of bill if it was out of character and stupid
#gravity falls#stanford pines#ford pines#fiddleford mcgucket#the book of bill#tbob#young ford pines#turtlearts#also sorry i got the heights devastatingly wrong fidds is so damn short here im sorryyy#for the record i was thinking of when mcgucket and ford reunited at the end where he actually is much shorter and smaller so erm idk man#please dont be mad#also i KNOW this is not lore accurate or whatever and i made it so much more sappy (?) than how it actually went but my hobby is being sapp#so leave me alone <3#also i do love me a ford thats afraid of vulnerability so theres also that haha#my favorite thing to draw was the first panel of fids with the banjo and then the 2nd to last picture#everything else looks like shit sorry#but i haaadd to post it ok . i have nothing else so dont complain and eat up kids#also do NOT laugh at my piss poor comic skills. literally dont even i swear to god
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"Make sure you're where less trouble is rife
Woes are fleeting
Blows are glancing
When you're dancing
Through life"
effect inspo
#wicked#glinda upland#galinda upland#wickededit#wicked 2024#filmedit#musicaledit#glindaedit#agrandeedit#filmgifs#ariana grande#*#myedit#wicked spoilers#AHHH HOPEFULLY people get it omg idk KAKSKSKS#like.....#not trying......#and look what happened......#OMG i just thought about it when hes singing this song and he sings that line#so glinda throws a book or whatever behind herself like ''yasss not trying'' but then i got too deep#omg anyway these gifs are so ugly im sooo sorry 😔 AND I TOTALLY DIDNT NAIL THIS EFFECT OMGGG WHY DID THIS TAKE SO LONGGTKSWKWKWKSK#the point is that she does look foolish ok
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shuake week day 1: roleswap / amnesia / hobbies
#is this fem shuake or r they crossdressing?? idk whatever u want it to be#everyday i struggle with the prompt i am so sorry. i swear. im trying.#p5r#persona 5#shuake#this took FOREVERRR#persona 5 protagonist#akechi goro#shuakeweek2024#my art#doodle#doodles
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another failed sneaking attempt
#i didnt even have this written down as an idea#i just started drawing cause i was bored and here we are#i think this is the most effort ive put into a multi panel post yet#purple text on a grey background is very difficult to make look good so sorry if it hurts your eyes#getting better with expressions i thhink. no longer hate myself whenever i do that downturned mouth thing on uzi#and head shape im a lot happier with the rounded square kinda head shape i see in all the md art i like#forgot to draw on ns sketchpad in the last panel. woopsies#theyd probably have a little bit of trauma regarding the solver stuff but like#theres no way in hell uzi is turning down the ability to become a sick as hell nightmare worm#for all its evil stuff the solver was edgy as hell and i think she would be totally on board with that#honestly i think i just wanted an excuse to draw solver worm stuff#i doodled it a bit ago and liked the way it came out so i wanted to draw it more#my hand is cramping im wrapping this up#art#murder drones#murder drones uzi#uzi doorman#murder drones n#serial designation n#the worm bit in the final panel is solely because i remembered i can use gausian blur to give the illusion of depth or whatever#never actually tried that before i think so here i am#oh yeah uhh#nuzi#i guess. i think this counts#im not well versed in the Fandom Rules
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Bonus round! Do you use a queue tag?
#ive been super curious about this because people seem to have really strong opinions on the queue! so many people seem to HATE it#but i love using the queue! i dont really know exactly why i like it so much- i started using in like... 2016 and its a fundamental part of#my tumblr experience now. i think i started off just using it for offline hours so id hit most my american mutuals (/ for aes posts)#but these days basically everything goes in my queue (cept time sensitive things & like. current hype and original posts-#anything 'normal' posting is in the queue)#idk it feels. nice to me! i like to spread out my posting and not rb 30 things in half an hour and then disappear for the rest of the day#esp since my spaces are so circular- the same post runs on my dash a dozen times minimum. and i get to put it on ur dash a week late!!!#and its so nice to have small interactions with mutuals in incompatible timezones; to open up my notifications in the morning#and go: oh! my friends were here <3#its such a Part of the tumblr experience for me i dont think i could ever truly change now. maybe switch to timed queueing#but my availability changes so much i prefer to just. know i guess#but (i am so sorry for all that) im curious about how other people feel!!!!!! itd be so interesting to hear abt why people do/do not like i#i know some people like the experience of spamming and going. some people think it makes this seem to much like influencing or whatever#everyone has their reasons and i want to know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#nyxtalks#poll#queue#no see answers option because you must fall into one of these
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