#IM SAYING THAT THE FACT THEY WERE CLOSE INFLUENCED THE DIRECTION THEY CHOSE TO TAKE THEIR CHARACTERS RELATIONSHIP

[normal-enderman]

Need your ship bingo on c!beeduo

oh god. Oh god. Oh. God.

listen. Listen. c!Beeduo had a lot of bad stuff wrapped up in it. The thing about the dsmp, the thing that made it so special and so terrible, was that the lines between roleplay and reality were not clearly defined, as they would be in a dnd game. People's real personalities and relationships bled into that of their characters. So as much as we can claim to separate the characters from the creators, the fact remains that c!Beeduo's interactions with each other were deeply intertwined with and influenced by the creators' real friendship. And so, I feel that by the act of participating in saying the typical fandom stuff like "oh, I related to it so much" "oh, c!Beeduo changed my perception of romance" ect ect, I have to shoulder some of the responsibility for how awful it must have been for them, to have their friendship be so highly scrutinised, and turned into a commodity for fandom consumption, even, at such a young age. And so I feel a lot of guilt wrapped up in every thought I have about c!beeduo, and it hurts to think about a bit. In some ways I wish it had never happened.

And yet, I did relate to it so much. It did change my perception of romance. Before c!beeduo, I thought marriage was a pointless social construct. C!Beeduo made me realise what love and romance was supposed to be like, when it wasn't a social obligation. C!Beeduo made me realise marriage was something beautiful and special. I had never understood before what love was supposed to be like, I had never been able to comprehend the idea of wanting to spend the rest of your life with someone. And I related super intensely to c!Tubbo as a character, and cc!Tubbo as person who had a similar school experience to me. I projected so fucking heavily onto both of them, and the fact that c!Tubbo was able to find someone who loved him and accommodated him just as he was genuinely altered my perceptions of everything in my life.

It's crazy, but this ship became an integral part of my development and a defining part of who I am today. When I say the dsmp left a crater in my heart, it's this part of it that's the deepest.

anyway sorry for the insane rant you said my activation words, here's a bingo sheet

[seepygoat]

Okay time for a little rant.

This is NOT for the people who simply really like and sympathize with Catra (I like her a lot, she's a super compelling character), this is for the people who stan Catra to the point of toxicity, and hate Hordak and think he shouldn't even have gotten a hint of a redemption arc.

Hordak was raised in a hive mind, basically without free will. He was presented with nothing but what Horde Prime taught him. To Hordak, that was what was right. He was following the wishes of his god, his brother, the closest thing he ever had to a friend. This deity taught him nothing but war and destruction. And as so often happens, the abused became the abuser. When he found himself on Etheria, yes, he could have magically decided to turn away from all of Horde Prime's teachings, and become "good," but remember, to him, good WAS war and concurring and death, as long as it was done in the name of Horde Prime. What do you expect from him? He knew nothing but what Horde Prime told him. We have no idea how old Hordak was when he was cast away from Prime. He could have been, comparatively, a child. Since his defect was just discovered, it makes sense to think that he hadn't been alive for very long before that. Even if he wasn't, that only argues his case stronger. A lifetime of living a certain way (in a hive mind with little to no free will) doesn't suddenly go away when you're no longer in direct contact with your god/abuser.

Does that make anything he did ok? Absolutely not.

He was monstrous, and perhaps we could even call him a monster. Should he be held accountable for how many people he hurt? Of course. But does he also deserve the opportunity to learn true right and wrong, repent, change, and find healing? Fuck yeah. Does he deserve the opportunity to be forgiven, and welcomed into the family (like Catra and Scorpia)? Yes, yes I think he does.

Does everyone have to forgive him right away and be totally ok with him? No, of course not. That will obviously take time, perhaps years, if ever. But at the very least he should be given the opportunity of redemption and healing.

We don't really know how Catra came to be in the fright zone. But what we do know is that she had an extremely abusive and manipulative mother figure, who basically shaped her into the (dare I say monstrous) person she becomes in some of the latter seasons. Like Hordak, the abused became the abuser. But there's a difference here, imho. Catra had Adora (and later Scorpia and Entrapta). Adora was there, all the time, showing Catra love, showing her right from wrong. And what happened? Catra chose (yes I said choose, shoot me) to abuse, time after time. She abused Adora, she abused Entrapta, and she abused Scorpia.

Catra had a choice. She was shown what was right and wrong. She had someone, several people in fact, who cared for and loved her. Yet she still chose to continue the cycle of abuse. I understand that it's not even close to easy to break that, but she had people willing to stay by her side and help her, and she chased them all away.

Did she deserve the opportunity to change and be redeemed and loved? Yes. But, she was given that, multiple times, through her whole life (by Adora and Scorpia and Entrapta) and she kept turning it down. Don't get me wrong. Im glad she was given the opportunity to heal and be loved and get that wonderful happily ever after, BUT (I say again) I think it happened far too fast.

Im really not here to complain about how things were handled with Catra (I could, and I have my reasons, but that's not what this post is for.) Im here to point out the hypocrisy of those who stan Catra, but hate Hordak and hate that it was even hinted that he might get a happy ending.

We either need both, or neither, imho.

Catra was abused and manipulated in horrible ways by her mother figure, but was also loved and cared for (and given chance after chance) by Adora, Scorpia, and Entrapta.

Hordak, for the majority of his life, had no influence save an abusive, tyrannical deity (who basically mind controlled him until he was cast out), and started to soften almost the moment he was presented someone who legitimately cared for him.

They were both responsible for tons of pain and death in the war. So how can you say that one deserves a chance for redemption, with all her wrongs wiped clean, while the other deserves no chance?

I could also talk about the ableism in people not wanting the disabled character and the autistic character to have their happy ending, but that's a whole other post.

Basically, neither Catra or Hordak really DESERVE a second chance (or in Catra's case, a lot more than second), but that's the beauty of redemption. And it's one reason I loved the show so much, because it showed that there's always hope that the darkness can turn to the light, no matter who the darkness may be.

Sooooo there's my rant. I'm not going to argue, so if you're looking for that, kindly heck off.

[cosmosrival]

there it is! kama interlude analysis by a kama fan!

WELL. LIKE IT SAYS IN THE TITLE: this is just my own thoughts!! youre free to think whatever u want !! i am just putting my own knowledge into words because i genuinely love kama, and i would like for kama’s depth to be understood by the NA fandom a little more!! i try to stay as close as possible to their character in everything i do because i believe that the more in character they are, the funnier/more interesting content ppl will produce. 

and hopefully i understood them well ???!!!! HOPEFULLY ?!

i will be screenshotting the translated reddit post under this read more and stop whenever something i find interesting to develop pops up ! or else it’ll get way too long lol if you wanna read the interlude for yourself heres the link!

with that said, let’s go!!

kama’s interlude begins with guda passing the hell out because of exhaustion and then waking up in a dream sequence where kama treats them to some relaxing adventures, stuff to take their mind off heavy things!! first dream sequence is kama roleplaying a highschool setting where they’re dating.

i like this because they openly admit that its an illusion, breaking the immersion but as long as youre okay with roleplaying, they’ll continue it LOL  at some point, caesar mentions the student council president and arjuna appears behind him 

since this is an illusion that kama made, i’ve been wondering about the fact that the way servants conduct eachother in this interlude is mostly because that’s how kama envisions they would act in a highschool setting, in an amusement park and finally with eachother (mostly for confirmed couples such as siegbryn, consort yu and her hubby etc...). suzuka and sei being gyarus is obvious, but arjuna as the student council president... is so cute???!!! i MEAN IT FITS ?! THATS A GREAT IDEA KAMA!!!! ANYWAY

this is kama’s first monologue and since they’re primarily the god of lust, all of the more vanilla stuff they mentions such as sharing a pair of headphones embarrasses them since its so tame. ITS CUTE !!! kama expects you to be horny in class !! what are you doing thinking about hand holding !!! medusa saves u from that tho with a direct reference to her relationship with kama’s vessel 

this is interesting !! and reassuring !!! i think that kama as a character has a lot of depth and just reducing them to “sakura” would be a waste and this interlude shows how different they are from her. but they’re also similar! sakura went through a lot just like medusa says and kama does have trauma related to shiva. its not the same circumstances but the same kind of suffering which explains the nuance here. and what i like about chaldea is that there’s been multiple instances where its been proven that servants can grow thanks to their relationships with guda (most common example: leveling up your bonds) BUT ALSO, saint graph evolution (alts). and as a kama fan i’d like to see them happy someday and this interlude as a whole is proof of their healing/coping because of the time they spent in chaldea and how they interact with others. more on that later ! here, they don’t recognize medusa which is normal since they’re not sakura (someone else entierly), but...

they care about her ! because of sakura’s influence being a part of the servant called Kama(assassin). the difference here is important !! but i’ll come back on this in a bit. quick mention to the greek cupid <3 kamadusa nation we were fed (i clap by myself because im the only one who has 57575757557 kama rarepairs-----)

kama is a delinquent whos horny in class but still takes a few notes, enough to do well on their tests! and thats tea<3 smart horny lazyass !! theyre a gift

SO ARJUNA WAS OUT FOR BLOOD ????? ANYWAY, this is right after the actual fight against weirdo terrorists, and im happy to know that kama DOES enjoy a good fight (as proven in their voicelines as well) but theyre not a farming unit because it’d be too much work (single target NP..)...!!!!!!! lavish god of love.... 

FINALLYYYYYYYYYYY THE REAL DEAL !!!!!!!!!!!! “it feels wonderful to be your girlfriend” christ, kamadeva was so used to being a husband and a good lover, it reflected in their servant version.... but ree what do u mean by servant version???

I MEAN THE OBVIOUS !! kama explains it very well in the screenie just above ! 

“You know very well how servants work.”

KAMA ASSASSIN (the servant in your chaldea) is neither KAMADEVA or SAKURA MATOU or MARA. they’re a MIX OF PARTS OF THE THREE. creating an entierly new person(in this case, servant) !!!! it might sound like i’m repeating myself, but this is important!!!!!!!!! i will say this multiple times so people remember it !!! and if u already had this figured out: GOOD JOB I LOVE U !!!

Kamadeva (the god) has many stories, ones where he was born from concepts (dharma and shraddha), one where his parents are brahma and sarasvati, one where his parents are vishnu and lakshmi, stories about his reincarnation after his death where his parents are krishna and rukmini, his love with Rati and so on. We all know Sakura’s backstory since this is nasuverse. And Mara is a demon, an entity that tried to corrupt Buddha and prevent him from reaching enlightenment/stray from the path. Kama assassin has parts from all of these entities which explains why they have a vague longing for Rati, why they have a soft spot for Medusa and why they have an affinity with Kiara(and also like talking about corrupting u !). 

they then mention how a japanese highschool setting is fun and all i have to say is: i’m gonna make an indo fam delinquent vs student council au out of this one folks !!!!!!!! i gotta !!! 

OK next

TIME FOR THE SECOND DREAM SEQUENCE WHICH I WAS VERY VERY VERRRRRRRRRRYYYYYYYYYYYYY AFRAID OF BEFORE THE TRANSLATION CAME OUT.

THE PART WHERE KAMA ACTS LIKE YOUR CHILD.

well with their stage 1 it was expected but without the translation i have to say that i was scared shitless! because people hate thinking! and even if kama clearly tells you that it’s a charade, u know a JOKE. A DREAM SEQUENCE. DONT BE A CREEP. KAMA INTENDED FOR IT TO BE WHOLESOME. i know some ppl wont use their brains. but u know its fgo and degenerates are everywhere. 

anyways. family bonding time ensues until another monologue appears!!

exactly like before, kama mentions myths that belonged to kamadeva. Meaning that the Kama in our chaldea isn’t the Kamadeva we know and is not Pradyumna either but the fact that the writers chose to have kama acknowledge it is very reassuring !!! Because it means that they’ve chosen to make it a part of their (complicated) history. Kama says that Pradyumna is the myth about themself they know the least, once again proving us that the Kama in our Chaldea (Assassin) is a different entity and that they were summoned to the throne upon their death, the moment they were burned by Shiva’s flames and became Ananga, in any case they’re still familiar with all of their own myths. it allows us to keep heroic spirits separate from their original myths. Obviously! And in the case of pseudo-servants, it allows us to keep them separate from their vessels. Cuz this is a fanservice japanese game. Andddd the fandom likes forgetting this fact quite a lot i’ve noticed. As a person who loves thinking about tons and tons of headcanons for fun, this allows us a lot of space ! Because this is fate/grand order at its base. Nasuverse. 

I’m glad that the interlude explains it so clearly, it’s very good !! Because the majority of myths from every culture are confusing, family trees are confusing, names are confusing, powers and attributes are confusing... its a mess !!!! the fgo characters we know are just cut from their own respective timelines/historial figures so the writers can organize themselves more easily. Like cutting halves from a big cake. Kama (Assassin) is the Kama that died from Shiva’s flames and became the universe ONLY. In Nasuverse, Arthur Pendragon is a woman. Anastasia Romanov NEVER had a demon familiar named Viy in real life despite the creature being part of russian folklore. u know ! im russian i can testify dude !! 

hopefully everyone got this bc i wont be explaining this any further dude, its exhausting !!!!!! bangs my hands on the table !!!!! 

ANYWAYS kama mentions “eternal pain that turns [them] into ash” being their key element. Their trauma is at the center of their heroic spirit self, what they are as a servant. This suffering is tied to everything they do, why they’re so lazy, why they’re so lax, why they’re so detached from their job.  But they’re not detached from their role. And “job” and “role” have different connotations here. They refuse to work as a cupid because of obvious reasons. BUT. They’re not detached from their role as the God of Love, as the God of Passion. The embodiment of those feelings. This whole interlude is proof ! They’re giving u free therapy because they Love you. Passion. They feel your love. Passion. They acknowledge how much fun you’re having. How passionate you are about certain things. They might seem extremely detached and hateful, but they aren’t. They’re one of the most empathetic servants there is. And their ability to love everything, even the things they hate is what makes them so miserable. Because it’s a part of them. Because the concept of Kama in hinduism is linked to them. Be it lust or simply the passion born from anything you do where you’re enjoying yourself. (quote:  “ the term also refers to any sensory enjoyment, emotional attraction and aesthetic pleasure such as from arts, dance, music, painting, sculpture and nature “. R. Prasad (2008), History of Science, Philosophy and Culture in Indian Civilization )

... I’d like to say that this contrast with Mara is interesting. And that i’m glad the writers chose to add in Mara to the kama assassin Beast mix. 

Because the anger Mara feels can become a drivepoint for Kama. I’ve always believed that anger and sadness are two sides of the same coin, it’d explain how layered Kama is and how valid their emotions are. Constantly torn between love and hate. An eternal grudge (i don’t deserve to be hurt like this) and an eternal misery(maybe i do deserve to be hurt like this). 

i wish they were my roommate <3 oh fuck ree got emotional wait where were we.

OH YEAH

i think kama saying that they dislike being involved with other indian servants because theyre linked to shiva is a feeble attempt at trying to keep up a strong front because they still love them in the end. cuz that’s how kama is ! after a while they’ll get bored of bullying ganesha and ashwatthama. they’ll get interested in rama because their respective mythos are linked even if their servant selves have no connection. hell, at the end of the interlude they talk about parvati and how they themself changed and realized things. BUT OH WELL, THATS STUFF FOR ANOTHER POST HEHE thats just ree wanting kama to b happy yall move along !!

.....THIS ISNT A COLLEGE STUDENTS ROLEPLAY BUT ITS A CUTE JAPANESE COMPANY BOSS/UNDERLING SETTING AND ITS CUTE SO I THINK KAMA WEARING A PENCIL SKIRT AND POURING U ALCOHOL IS CUTE. CUTE.

further proof of kama’s overflowing affection and what i detailed above!! hopefully u all knew this one simply from reading this interlude/their profile page and dont need me to write it down for u. HOPEFULLY !!!!!

(I START BEATBOXING VERY RAPIDLY AND RUNNING TOWARDS YOU) KAMA IS A SADIST AT THEIR CORE AND I WILL NEVER STOP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they’re easy to fluster because theyre not used to being so vanilla, but whats underneath is how they truly are !! a beast turned servant, the sweetest sadist !! theyre very mature and this interlude is so well written (wipes my teears

this is directly linked to what i explained above, by burning you away, you’ll melt into nothingness just like they did. When they were the universe, they felt both everything and nothing. 

But was it really relief ... ?

... IT WASNT.

AND PARVATI SAVES THE DAY !!!!!!! phew!! thank u paru, it’d still like to be able to touch kama’s huge titties and i cant do that if i turn into ashes (falls down the stairs

ok she summoned lovey dovey canon couples to annoy kama since they’re exhausted of seein them!!

...............(I TAKE OUT A KNIFE) TAKE THAT BACK. DONT TALK TO THEM LIKE THAT. TAKE THAT BACK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

ohhhhhh im obsessed i love when theyre angry<3 i love when theyre fighty <3 i think they should beat the living shit out of a boxing bag DAILY to let out some of this steam. they’d be a monster on the ring... aaa kama in training boot y shorts aa a .. .uughg hg ouu... (you all shove me into a locker)

ok this is interesting !! i think that the interlude showing us that parvati feels a semblance of guilt is character dev. proof for what i mentioned before!! in ookuu parvati felt quite ..unsympathetic to me, even if kama is a beast who wants to annihilate humanity, when u think about it, at their core their grudge is because of her and shiva’s betrayal. and here, she properly apologizes for making kama so upset. this is heartwarming to me since i dislike thinking that members of the indo fam hate eachother :( same goes for arjuna and karna, at some point i’d like for them to act like bros normally and finally be comfy. but anyways !!

u wake up from the dreams and da vinci, mashu and paru are here to tell u whats going on. But its fine bc u remember everything and u have to go thank someone for helping u out!!!

CUTE !!!!!!! THEY CARE ABOUT U !!!!!! but whether it be because of their role or because theres a deeper meaning is entierly up to your own interpretation because...

of what they say here. 

and here !! 

ohhhhhhhhh this is so important !!!!!!

this is actual proof of kama’s growth as a servant and how servants evolve in chaldea !! chaldea is not the same as a grail war, its a special, cut-off place and thats what makes it even more relaxing to think about. Everytime u summon a servant in ur chaldea u give them a chance to have fun with you, to have fun with other servants, to make amends, to start from scratch, to discover things they would’ve never known in their time (movies, video games, tons of different foods etc...), u give them a chance to relax. to grow !! this is the headcanon that im most attached to and im glad to see it be confirmed in the interlude of a character i love tbqh i had to stop and talk about that.

everyone say thank u kama !! can we roleplay a college roommate coffee shop slowburn au next time <3 

ANYWAYS if you’ve read it this far: thank you !!! im sorry if you expected something very serious, im not that type of person hehe im jus here to have fun and look at things i like, and the interlude itself was quite lighthearted and refreshing. By talking about the myths and all of kamadeva’s stories, the writers basically gave lore nerds a huge thumbs up like... “its ok now !! u can go ape now !! go be insane<3 love u<3″ and all of this kama characterization GENUINELY makes me so happy because i think they really needed that. kama assassin... (i blow a kiss to the sky) is a little mess of a servant... a god, human crumbs and a demon... a total mess... im in love with them...

..............tho now the wait for a summer alt where they interact with the entire indo fam begins (im sitting in a chair unmoving)(i have a gun in case minase begins acting gross

[imaginesofeverykind]

Uncharted: Forged [Re-Write]

y’all the Sam Drake feels are hitting HARD, im replaying all the games atm and I reread my old fic from 2017 and decided I love Melissa so much so we’ll give this a red hot crack! <3 xx Majority of the fic is the same, i’ve mainly updated wording and layout, but of course some lines and inner thoughts have been changed to add more to the fic if you’ve already read the original! <3

OC x Sam Drake

Summary: It always went without saying that where you found the Drake brothers, Melissa Bridges wasn't far behind. More correctly, wherever you found Samuel Drake; Melissa Bridges wasn't far behind. The pair were quite literally as thick as thieves, partners in crime, their very own Bonnie and Clyde. It was short lived between the two of them. Sam's death struck a chord with Melissa, what she chose to do with the grief is the question. Better yet, what does Melissa do when straight from the 'grave' fifteen years later she is reunited with the oldest Drake brother?

Warnings: Swearing(?) Dorky as fuck Sam Drake,

Word Count: somewhere in the high 2000’s

|PART 2| PART 3||

Samuel Morgan had a reputation. Not only exclusive to the Orphanage he grew up in, but also to the sister Orphanage several blocks away; Sister Margaret's. He caused fights, disrupted the peace and was caught doing illicit activities on the building grounds. But believe it or not; he never truly used to be as much of a delinquent. In fact, his behavioural changes can be traced back to ten months ago when he met Melissa Bridges. As innocent she may seem, her bad influence on Sam caused quite a turn of events in his life, some good, some bad, some ugly. But when it came down to it, Samuel and Melissa were always there for each other.

[1] Boston: A Bad Influence

Every day like clockwork, Samuel Morgan would peer out his window, looking beyond the gates of the Orphanage to catch a glimpse of her as she walked by. Her hands always seemingly shoved into a denim vest that looked miles too big for her as it covered what appeared to be a faded pink dress.

On the days he managed to see her while he was out in the courtyard, he spotted smaller nuances and details missed from afar. The boots she wore looked as though they had stopped fitting several years ago, long exceeding their lifespan judging by the soles flapping with every careless step she took. Her hair was always tied up neatly in a ponytail to gather her long dark locks.

Some days — he noted — she was accompanied by groups of girls. Most days she would stride on her lonesome but regardless, alone or not; every day at Midday, Melissa Bridges would pass by the Orphanage in a direction that didn’t quite add up.

It confused Sam, considering Sister Margaret's was in the opposite direction and there was evidently nothing in the direction she was headed. If he wasn't so chicken shit to do so, he would find a way out just to talk with her for even five minutes, maybe even a polite ‘hello’ or ‘how are you?’

He spent an embarrassing amount of time watching her, understanding her routine to the point he questioned if his motives were borderline criminal. His curiosity and infatuation with the mystery that shrouded the peculiar girl always kept him from pulling away from her. When he told himself; let it go for today, he’d catch himself looking out the window at just the right time, like it was a habitual instinct he somehow developed.

On weekends she would walk by not just at midday but once more, later in the evening between seven and nine. The few times he mustered up the courage to finally leave, he got as far as opening the window before deciding against it. Despite slight behavioural issues, he was top of the class, rarely did anything out of line despite the occasional fistfight between other boys in the home.

One night in particular, however, Sam decided he was finally going to do it. Go beyond the gates and finally speak to Melissa, a girl he only knew from the distant affections via observation. Did he know her name? No. Did he know anything about her? Aside from her being in an Orphanage, no. Did he know her eye colour? Not at all, but he would like to.

Despite knowing less than the bare minimum about her, his infatuation with curiosity constantly drove him to the brink of madness, urging himself to find the answers he sought out. He wanted to know why she would walk so braisingly confident, in clear sight of St. Francis undeterred by the Nun’s there and where she was heading that was apparently so important she ditched her classes. What was she doing at said place— if she was even going to a destination. Most importantly, he wanted to know how she managed to pull a fast one on the Nuns, knowing how their eagle eyed scrutinous gazes fell on the boys here.

His watch beeped, displaying the time as seven o’clock. It’s time, he thought to himself, taking a deep breath before opening the window. The frosty Saturday night breeze spilling into the room, the chill bite prickling his cheeks. The boys would be attending dinner in the hall at this time of night which is why he decided now was the time to make a break for it.

Sam had a clean record...ish... He had high hopes that in the event he was caught out, he would only merely get off with a warning and maybe forced to write some convoluted, meaningless essay.

He vaulted out of the window and dangled over the ledge, recollecting the plan he had rehearsed in the forefront of his mind. It wasn't a special night or anything, simply the night Sam decided to finally 'grow a pair' and talk to her, this marking the first night he even got as far as dangling out of the window.

Sucking in a breath, he released his tight grip from the ledge and dropped down a few feet, hitting the brick roof of the lower level. The loose brick slates cracked under the sudden strain, however, absorbing most of the sound which came as a pleasant surprise. His heartbeat quickened as he chuckled to himself, "I'm actually doing this," the thrill of potentially being caught hung in the back of his mind as he scaled the side of the building. Reaching the front chapel and administration block, he stopped momentarily, his arms burning from the sudden intense activity.

On the streets below — like every Friday and Saturday evening — Melissa walked along the dirty streets, keeping her head down and hands jammed into her pockets as she strayed in relative proximity to the street lights. Leaves crunched under her boots, accompanied by the sounds of the loose soles slapping the sidewalk. She hummed to herself a leisurely tune — having listened to the beastie boys most of the day — she rounded the familiar corner where Saint Francis Orphanage stood.

It was always much more peaceful to pass it in the evening given that similarly to Sister Margarets; Dinner was around this time.

This night, however, as she finally strode by the fenced-off Orphanage she couldn't shake the feeling of being followed. Something lingered behind her, more so, someone. She cursed under her breath, not wanting to turn to see the figure on the principle of merely acknowledging it. If she didn’t look, it wasn’t there right?

Many scenarios crossed her mind, perhaps it was a Nun that had followed her out of the Orphanage, they were always watching her like she was on the brink of committing a major felony. Nevermind that their concern wasn’t an underreaction by any means. But if it were a Nun, they’d have her by the ear and on their way back now.

It could perhaps be a drunken stray from the pub she passed a block ago, this occurrence was regular more often than not. Of course, in her experience, the drunkards were quite lovely and just wanted some quaint company on their journey home.

Or... it could definitely be someone not as kind as the drunken strays and not as merciful as the Nuns. That thought crossed her mind too, it often did. Being a young woman, regardless of looks and attire, she was on her lonesome which made her an incredibly vulnerable target.

Or so many people thought.

She was positive someone was tailing her, their footsteps would stop every time she did and would start back up again when she proceeded. Around the corner she rounded, there would be fewer street lights, instantly darkening the streets actively causing them to look far more menacing. This hadn’t deterred her, though, she was hardly bothered by a lot. But the prospect of someone snatching her up from the street was something that bore into her mind and chipped away the panic that simmered inside of her.

Stopping just shy of the safe glow emitting from under the streetlamp, she waited in anticipation, counting quietly to herself before whipping her hands out her pockets. In a swift motion, she spun around, connecting her fist with the lurking figure behind her in an impressively powerful sucker punch. They groaned, stumbling backwards into the light. "Oh shit," She uttered, apologetically after catching a glimpse of the person she punched. Just a kid from Saint Francis.

Despite being punched by her, Sam couldn't deny she was as attractive close up as she was at a distance. Being even prettier than he imagined her to be, glancing through his eyelashes to look at her bright green eyes, tanned skin and plump lips. He had seen a lot of girls in his time, but none that took to him quite like Melissa had.

Samuel Morgan had just been sucker-punched by a girl, that would be quite the story to tell his younger brother Nathan. He was stunned as he held the side of his face in a dazed state, did that actually just happen to him, or was it a dream? Both fortunately and unfortunately for his ego, yes indeed it did happen.

"Crap. I’m so sorry, my bad..." Melissa's face softened as she stepped slowly toward Sam, outstretching a hand to touch his shoulder comfortingly, "I thought you were following me." she stated, a panicked chuckle falling through her lips, the sound was music to his ears.

"Uh-uh, I mean... Yeah, I was — well no, not like that! I mean — just put me out of my misery and hit me again." He stumbled on his words making Melissa laugh, squeezing her hand on his shoulder, offering yet another apologetic smile at the welt forming on the side of his sun-kissed face.

She clicked her fingers once recognising his features in better detail, once the light hit it at the right angle, "you're uh, that kid from Saint Francis, yeah?" They hadn’t met prior but he looked so familiar to her, perhaps they had sat near each other when both Sister Margarets and St. Francis’ homes came together twice a month for communal mass.

He stood upright at her question. Having always imagined what it would be like to finally meet the strange girl surrounded by a unsolvable paradox, none of the scenarios he thought of began with her sucker punching him in the middle of the street. He caught his bottom lip in between his teeth to stifle the minor laugh, scratching the back of his neck nervously, "there's a lot of kids at Saint Francis you're gonna have to be more specific." His tone was laced with a hint of sarcasm, a trait he was blessed with after years of dealing with the Nuns dull and humourless personalities.

Melissa rolled her eyes subtly as a smile ghosted her lips, the way he spoke was seemingly more familiar to her. Then it hit her. She recalled the last communal mass just a little over a week ago where the boy was dragged away by the Nuns for misbehaving during silent prayer. His name passing their holy lips as if it was a curse word while they dealt with him.

"Uh... Samuel something, right?" She tilted her head on the side and shrugged, her memory wasn’t all that great but she did recollect thinking how amateur it was of him to get caught like that. The fact that he got caught at all was amateur in itself.

"Samuel something?" He repeated, a smile pulling on the sides of his lips as his heart fluttered. She knew him. After thinking for quite some time she had no idea who the hell he was, this was a revelation that couldn’t help but make him giddy. His grin appearing more genuine as the palms of his hands began to perspire.

With a nod and a smirk, she quirked her eyebrow at him, "you got kicked out of church last week, yeah? I know because I was thinking how funny it was that you got caught… Rookie mistake,” Her tone was purely in challenge of his efforts, he too recalled being whisked away by the Nun’s and forced to write an essay on something he’d long forgotten.

He mustered up a laugh, bashfully nodding. His mind fixated on the thought of him getting her attention completely unintentionally, but thankful that it happened in the first place. What did she think of me? Was the question that flooded his mind, almost like it was flashing in neon lighting to keep his attention on it. “Clearly we’re not all good at getting away with everything — or does that come naturally to only you?”

The minute the words left his lips, he regretted them. Overthinking the tone of his voice, cringing at how much more sarcastic and blunt it came across than intended. When she merely scoffed at him, he felt relieved that she quite clearly had more tolerance to sarcasm than he originally anticipated, taking up the opportunity to feebly point to himself, “I’m Uh… Sam, Sam Morgan.”

She clicked her fingers yet again, instantly recognising the name, “Samuel Morgan, that’s right… I know you — our history papers get graded together and I know for a fact that you almost got a higher mark than me." She raised her eyebrows, a mischievous smirk on her lips. She drew out the ‘almost’ as it taunted him with her acute sense of pride.

Sam looked at her, in awe almost. He spent many of his waking hours thinking about what she would be like, she was much more confident than he imagined and that factor alone seemed to make her all the more desirable. A history buff and confident, not to mention the way her frame was highlighted by the street lamp behind her made it look like she was otherworldly. He was convinced she was merely a figment of his imagination, but the bruising on his cheek and slight blood nose stated otherwise.

"You must know a thing or two about history to beat me," he chuckled, shifting awkwardly once he found himself staring at her for too long, this night was not panning out like he had planned or visualized. But he wouldn’t have it any other way.

"Only a little bit." She smiled, gesturing with her pointer finger and thumb, attempting to repair the boys already significantly damaged ego. Although she knew based off the report she snatched from one of the Nun’s offices; she had beat him by a landslide.

"What's your name, sorry?" Sam asked, clearing his throat. He ignored the proud smirk she wore as she kept her thoughts to herself, he knew she was a lot smarter than she admitted at the expense of keeping his hubris intact. The fact she hadn’t been caught sneaking out yet also lent itself to her sharp awareness and intelligence.

Melissa perked up, dismissively apologising as she gestured to herself, "Melissa, but you can call me Mel... Follow me, I know somewhere to get your face all cleaned up pretty boy — once again... Sorry."

Pretty boy. His gut twirled in a nauseating fleeting motion, something he hadn’t felt before but he knew it wasn’t a bad feeling. She waves her hand, indicating for him to follow her as she slinked into the darkness of the street they were on.

Sam was stunned— albeit, incredibly intrigued and infatuated with the idea of her. Eager to savour the rest of the evening in her presence, he shook his head but followed her, "So...." He trailed off, walking in sync beside her, "where are we going?" Was all he could think of, wanting to hit himself for asking such a basic question in comparison to the myriad of ones he kept stored away, why was he so mundane? "I uh... I watch you— I mean, I see you...sometimes walking past the Orphanage..."

Melissa looked to her odd new companion, a smile tugging on her lips. "You've never been outside the gates before have you?" Her smile gradually turning into a grin, everything about Sam screamed goody two shoes yet here he was, outside against the strict rules the Nuns abided by.

Sam frowned and put his hands up defensively, "Of course I've been outside the gates before—."

She cut him off, shaking her head, "no, I mean outside the gates without supervision and outside of curfew." Her eyebrows were raised as she waited to get an answer from her newfound friend, he merely shook his head coyly, her grin grew wider and she had a bounce in her step. "Well, pretty boy… when we get you cleaned up, are you ready to have the most fun you’ll ever have living in this shit hole?”

Sam thought for a moment, the nagging at the back of his head, the rules he was currently breaking would have severe consequences, but the rush and thrill of it all was so appealing. Melissa was appealing. And his insatiable need to fulfil his curiosity often always bettered his own moral compass. "Hell yeah." He commented enthused, kicking himself for being a little too enthused. She quickened her pace and motioned for Sam to pick up the pace as well.

Melissa was an addict, a thrill addict. Although she went to Sunday Church every week with the other Orphaned girls and went on bible retreats; it was a facade. She craved adventure, close encounters and thrill-seeking. On this particular night was the night Samuel Morgan's addiction to adventure had begun. Awakening that feeling deep within him, reminding him of the stories their mother would tell them before bed, the artefacts and trips they went on. He was aching to break free, and finally, he did.

And there was no turning back for him.

[sapphicambitions]

okay so ive spent the past few days thinking about a specific Dynamic and I know it’s one that’s pretty popular and Im sure other people have written more at length about it, but I personally have a lot of thoughts and I’m going to share them now.

The Dynamic is what I’m calling the Eager Sunshine and the Suave Kittycat.

Let’s start with the Eager Sunshine.

The Eager Sunshine is all that is good and pure in the world. And they truly believe in the good in the world. They’d be the kind of person to truly believe in the power of music or magic or happy endings. They wear their heart on their sleeve and aren’t afraid to express what they feel, never shying away from expressing anything from happiness to anger. They’re an idealist, always chasing to see the glass half full and believing in the good nature of other people. They’re inspiring just by the way they exist, and that positive effect ripples into everyone they meet. Everything they’ve gone through in life has only made them kinder. Some might call them stupid or naive, or see their positivity as a fault. But it’s what makes them special and stand out from the crowd. They don’t necessarily seek to find themselves in the spotlight, but it just kind of happens. People flock to them and latch on to them because they want a small sliver of the sunshine that radiates off of them.

Now their counterpart, the Suave Kittycat.

Like dark and light, ups and downs, the Suave Kittycat is a direct contrast. First impressions are often wrong of this person because they come off as cold or as an asshole. They’re not at all either of those things, but there is a very thick emotional wall up between them and the world. And it’s because they’ve had a hard or troubled past, and they learned to bite at the world before it snaps at you first. They keep their emotions close to their chest so that they don’t get hurt again, so they can protect what’s left of their broken heart. Often times, they have a facade up to most of the world, and it’s incredibly hard to break down their walls and get to the REAL them. A bit of a pessimist, they tend to isolate themselves and latch onto only one or two people. These characters are often comparable to cats.

How they work together:

Upon first meeting, the Suave Kittycat is enamored with the Eager Sunshine. A bumbling and excited cutie comes stumbling into their life, and they’re immediately drawn to them. And the Eager Sunshine is, of course, drawn to the mysterious and sexy Suave Kittycat. Why wouldn’t they be? But the Suave Kittycat, who is Wiser and Not Naive, thinks that they need to take the Eager Sunshine under their wing and teach them about the evil ways of the world. In reality though, it’s the Eager Sunshine who winds up teaching them about the joy and beauty of life. And it often surprises the Suave Kittycat how much they learn from their little sunshine, and how it allows them to see the world in a whole new light. When together, they balance each other out. When the Eager Sunshine needs to be brought back down to reality, the Suave Kittycat is there to guide them back with a gentle hand. When the Suave Kittycat needs to be brought out of their dark place, the Eager Sunshine is there to radiate. And so on.

Flirting:

This is my favorite part about the dynamic and the part I’ve thought about the most. The Suave Kittycat gets it’s name primarily because they are SUAVE. Their flirting is sexy and poetic, with their words and body language, meaning to sweep you off your feet and knock the air out of your chest. It often comes along with the facade they have built up, because they chose every word and every interaction carefully and with a lot of though. This suave way of flirting works VERY well for them, especially on someone as eager and easily flustered as their sunshine. And the Eager Sunshine is in fact, VERY eager with all things love related. Since they’re eager and since they wear their heart on their sleeve and they’re a bit of a loving disaster, they don’t really….flirt. The Sunshine is more likely to walk up to their Kittycat and say “Hey, so do you want to make out?” It can be read as forward, but it’s only because the Sunshine has so much love in their chest that they almost don’t know what to do with it, and it slips out in blunt flirting. And it knocks the Suave Kittycat on their ass. Here they are, quoting lines of poetry and whipping out all the flirting stops, and this adorable disaster just blurts out what they’re thinking and feeling. And works REALLY well between them.

Some examples:

Orpheus & Eurydice from Hadestown (m/f)

Orpheus is THE Eager Sunshine, the boy who wears his heart on his sleeve and shows you what the world could be. He inspires a revolution just purely by the love in his heart, and reminds the gods of the song of their love. And the first thing he says to Eurydice? “Come home with me. I’m the man who’s going to marry you,” WHAT AN ADORABLE DISASTER. Eurydice is the Suave Kittycat. Her love is poetic and true, but she guards her heart close to her chest, and is known for running away. And she needed her Orpheus to show her how the world could be. (It’s okay, we won’t think about how their story ended, just right now. Their love was true and that’s what mattered.)

Carmilla & Laura from Carmilla (f/f)

Carmilla is THE Suave Kittycat. She’s a centuries old vampire who doesn’t believe in love anymore, until the spunky blonde Laura Hollis comes tumbling into her life. Carmilla is known for quoting poets and philosophers and generally being a nihilist. This is a strong contrast to young and eager Laura, a literal ray of sunshine. Laura leads the people of her university to overthrow the vampiric tyrants and saves lives, and while Carmilla certainly thought that Laura was a naive and stupid little girl at first, she learns to appreciate Laura’s bright optimism and ferocity for justice. The pair works together to save the world and grow together and balance each other out in lovely ways.

Quentin & Eliot from The Magicians (m/m)

Anyone who knows Quentin Coldwater knows that he is the kind of man who makes you see the beauty of all life. He may not always be the hero of the story, but he’s the hero of everyone’s hearts. People flock to him because he really, truly believes in magic, and it’s inspiring to everyone around him. When Quentin first meets his Suave Kittycat Eliot Waugh, Eliot takes him under his wing to mentor the poor young, sweet naive little Q. But it’s Quentin’s influence that teaches Eliot to open himself up to receiving true love, and seeing the beauty of all life. Eliot is also a classic Suave Kittycat, seductive and guards his emotions close to his chest. He’s also famous for the quote “Becoming me was the greatest creative project of my life,” The pair work incredibly well together, balancing each other out and being each other’s best supporters and friends. They loved each other deeply, and they were able to love each other in multiple universes and timelines.

In Conclusion

The Eager Sunshine and The Suave Kittycat is a fun romantic dynamic. And it often surprises the characters themselves, because “How could I fall for someone like that?” But they do and they become better people because of it, and the world becomes a better place because of their love. And I have a lot of feelings.

[taexual]

HOLIC - 25 | jb x reader

pairing: Im Jaebum x Reader

genre: enemies to lovers au | roommate au

warnings: some domestic life with jaebum (and this is surprisingly long)

words: 7.2k

disclaimer: i do not own the gif, please let me know if it belongs to you, so i can give proper credit

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Your alarm clock had rung like it did every morning but, for some weird reason, this time, the sound was coming from the wrong direction – even your sleepy mind could fathom that. It took a lot of groaning and a lot of sporadic shuffling for you to realize that your phone was at the far edge of the bed, wrapped tightly in the blanket that you must have thrown off of yourself at night because you were too warm.

As you reached for it to turn it off, you ended up stumbling over someone’s leg and yelping in surprise before the events of last night returned to your mind within the next few moments. At first, all you could remember was that you’d fallen asleep very late. So late, in fact, that once the clock on your phone passed midnight, you started to fear to check the time because you knew you’d have to be up early tomorrow. Somehow, you just couldn’t bring yourself to get up and leave Jaebum’s room.

And, judging by the fact that you were sitting – dizzy and a little hazy – on his bed, apparently, you hadn’t bothered to leave at all in the end. Jaebum was laying on the other side of the bed, his eyelashes fluttering every now and then, his fingers tapping lightly against the pillow next to his face – he was awake. Undoubtedly so, because a second later, he opened his eyes.

For a good minute, the two of you just watched each other, your minds completely blank. You weren’t sure what you were expecting him to say – if anything – but you knew that no matter what he chose to say next, the fact still remained: you’d fallen asleep in his bed last night. Again.

“Uhh…” you were the one who opened your mouth first in the end. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t realize I was in here for so long, I fell asleep—”

Jaebum chuckled, the surprising sound cutting you off. He had closed his eyes again – you didn’t blame him, six in the morning was far too early to have your eyes opened – but the smirk on his lips remained.

“You just can’t leave my bed,” he said, his groggy morning voice laced with teasing, “even if I built yours.”

Suddenly glad that he wasn’t looking at you, you smiled and shook your head. It was too early to come up with a good comeback and, truth be told, you probably wouldn’t have had what to reply with either way. It was just refreshing to hear how completely unfazed by this he seemed to be.

Still grinning to yourself – and, consequently, not realizing that Jaebum had opened his eyes as soon as he heard you shuffle on the bed again – you gathered yourself to your feet and quietly tip-toed out of the room. Despite wanting to stay here longer – not even touching him, but sharing the space of his bed with him – you also had to get ready for work and no matter how appealing calling in sick sounded, you hadn’t done that when you felt unprepared to deal with Jiho, so that meant you weren’t going to do that now, either.

All was well in your apartment. You didn’t want to take it for granted or, worse, ruin it by overstaying your welcome in Jaebum’s room.

After a brisk shower and a quick breakfast, you located your purse and your car keys and prepared to head out, stopping for a moment outside of Jaebum’s bedroom. His door was open and you could see him sleeping in the exact same position that you’d left him in. He had the whole bed to himself now and he was still sleeping on the left side as if he’d left the right side vacant on purpose. As if he was waiting for you to sneak back in.

Inhaling sharply to hopefully ease the sudden surge of violent butterflies inside of your stomach, you turned around and, still smiling, exited your apartment.

Your slightly wet hair flowing in the cold wind outside didn’t worry you as much as it probably should have because the irresistible urge to chuckle every time you recalled bits of conversation that you’ve had with Jaebum last night was keeping you warm. You were sure that as long as you kept thinking about last night and hoping for many more nights like this in the future, you were going to survive the coldest winters with minimal heating needed.

At this point, there was no denying it: you had feelings for Jaebum. Strong ones, too. Frustrating, as well, because you weren’t sure what you were supposed to do with yourself. And confusing, on top of everything, because you didn’t know what Jaebum was feeling – you could have guessed but guessing meant raising your hopes.

Funnily enough, it’s been days since you and Jaebum had the fight that had opened your eyes – and your hearts, too – and you still haven’t properly discussed what either of you has said. On the one hand, that was good – now you knew you might have exhibited some Suji-like traits and you could work on that. There was no point talking about it when you and him seemed to be getting along much better now. But, on the other hand, you knew that he’d said many things that required explanations – you just weren’t sure how you were going to continue to live if the explanations you received didn’t live up to the expectations you’d grown to have.

You focused on actually doing your job today and it seemed to work this time – you didn’t get distracted –  until, during your lunch break – which you deliberately took after two o’clock – you decided to listen to Jaebum’s radio show in hopes that he’d dare to finally play his own song but, of course, that didn’t happen.

Honestly, Jaebum would have probably texted you if he decided to play his song on air – or, at least, you hoped he would – but it wouldn’t have been surprising if he just played it without warning anyone, knowing how bashful he got whenever he had to speak about his music. It was admirable in an almost annoying way because, honestly, there was nothing he should have been embarrassed about. Unless it was about his immense talent, anyway.

You didn’t hear Jaebum’s song today but you did get to listen to his voice as he talked to his listeners and, somehow, that seemed to lift your mood even more. That was why, when Hyojin texted you to get some coffee after work – you and her used to host “productive” coffee sessions when you were both in college, where you’d get together to edit pictures (in your case) or toy around on Polyvore (in Hyojin’s) – you agreed without hesitation.

Although, normally, you felt like going home and not seeing anyone after you finished work, right now you were feeling just upbeat enough to interact with others. You were in the kind of mood where you wanted to go out and conquer the world but, at the same time, you wouldn’t have felt bad about not achieving much today because you knew that, at the end of the day, when you’d return home, Jaebum would be there.

Back in the day – a week ago, really – you used to dread going home because you knew you’d get into an argument with your roommate, but now, just the thought of getting to see him later tonight kept your spirits soaring the whole day. It was a nice change; you welcomed it with open arms.

Hyojin noticed your great mood almost immediately after you walked through the door of the café and saw her waving at your from the table at the back.

“You are glowing,” she declared, a smirk on her lips. “Dare I guess the reason why you’re looking so wonderful today?”

“No need, I can tell you myself,” you replied, giving her a quick hug hello and then sitting opposite her by the table. “I got a good night's sleep, tried a new—delicious—brand of cereal that I’d gotten on sale last week and ended up being pleasantly surprised by the taste, and there were no screaming crowds of children on tour at the gallery today. It’s been a… a decent day.”

“Hmm,” Hyojin was still smirking. “And that’s it?”

You shrugged your shoulders. “Yeah.”

“How’s the roommate?”

Of course she wasn’t going to let you play around and pretend Jaebum didn’t have any influence on your—almost uncharacteristically—good mood. You sighed, giving in.

“He’s great,” you replied, watching Hyojin’s smile spread. “We talked a lot last night. It was nice. Didn’t even feel real, to be honest.”

“How come?” she asked.

“I don’t know, we’ve only talked to each other – and I don’t mean those shallow conversations about who’s doing the grocery shopping; oh, speaking of, I have to get that done later. Remind me, will you? – after we’ve had some pretty big fights,” you replied, trying not to get too side-tracked. “So, this felt like slipping into some sort of a parallel universe where Jaebum and I were the kind of people who got together after work to talk about their day and eat pizza.”

“That doesn’t seem too far-fetched in this universe, either,” Hyojin replied. “You and him have hung out in the past, haven’t you?”

“Well, yeah, but that was only because we’ve—”

“No, no,” she cut you off, “the ‘because’ doesn’t matter. The fact matters and the fact is, you and him have enjoyed spending time with each other long before you began to do it purposefully. I can’t stand the sight of Jacob after we fight,” she continued, mentioning her boyfriend and grimacing at the memory of their latest argument. “We both need a lot of time to cool off and get back to our previous activities – and even then, we’re still wary of each other – so, in this case, you and Jaebum might be more mature than us when it comes to resolving your arguments.”

“Yeah, well, you know,” you said, “we’ve had a lot of practice.”

Hyojin laughed. “Maybe. But still.”

You didn’t reply – too busy getting your laptop out of your bag so you could actually start being productive – and Hyojin hesitated before continuing because she was afraid the question that she’d been itching to ask was going to provoke a negative reaction out of you. A moment later, she finally dared to clear her throat.

“You know… Kiera only briefed May and me on the fight that you’ve had with Jaebum,” she said slowly, gauging your reaction. Your face remained stoic. “And we’d assumed you had made up because you’re still living there and everything, and I was just curious… you don’t have to tell me how you resolved all of that if you don’t want to, though.”

“It’s, uh…” you looked around the café as if someone overhearing what you’d say next was a matter of national security. “It’s not really resolved. We just moved past it like we usually do. We both apologized this time, though, which, I think, is an improvement.”

“An improvement,” Hyojin repeated. “And towards what? What’s the end goal here?”

“Growth into adults, I’m hoping,” you said. “Adults who can live in each other’s space without it being a problem. Without fighting. Uh, without frequent fighting.”

Your friend smiled watching the nonchalant way you toyed with the napkin you’d picked up from the table. Hyojin was only giving you the benefit of the doubt because she wanted to hear you out – truth be told, she already knew all the answers to her questions.

“And that’s it?” she asked then, adamant to get you to admit your true intentions – even though she’d already seen right through you. “Because, you know, an improvement of friendship usually means—”

“There wasn’t a friendship,” you cut her off, putting the napkin down and sighing. “I—I know what you want to hear but I’m serious. There was nothing. Jaebum and I—we thought we kind of bonded through texts but we knew virtually nothing about each other when we moved in. I mean, wow, I didn’t even know he was a guy. What kind of friendship could we even talk about?”

“Well, people are not friends with a gender. They’re friends with a person.”

“No, of course,” you nodded, “I just mean—it’s an important part of his life and I knew nothing about it. Or his name, for example, which I also did not know and did not bother to ask. Honestly, when I look back at it, I’m kind of surprised you even let me go through with this. I could have moved in with a serial killer.”

“We did tell you that, though! But you—,” Hyojin said, reaching out to put her hand over yours, “—you were so convinced you were moving in with your new best friend, we didn’t even dare to intervene too much. Kiera was actually kind of jealous but she was willing to see how this played out.”

Out of your group of friends, you and Kiera were the closest – that wasn’t a secret to anyone – and yet you had no idea you were making her jealous by boasting about how excited you were to move in with your roommate. You’d known Kiera for so long, nothing was ever going to replace your bond with her, but you still felt awful for not realizing what she might have been feeling.

“If only Kiera knew that she had nothing to worry about,” Hyojin added, “because you didn’t end up moving in with your best friend. You might have moved in with your soulm—”

“Okay, no,” you cut her off mid-word, almost afraid that she’d jinx everything if she finished her sentence. “L-let’s not go there. What I was saying is that, I thought my future roommate and I had become friends – and we have, honestly – but then all of that flipped upside down when I found out that my roommate is actually the same guy I’d slept with the night before moving.”

“Oh, that’s right!” Hyojin released your hand because the waitress had approached your table, bringing you both the coffees that your friend had ordered before you got here. “I keep forgetting that part. Honestly, in my opinion, that just proves that you and him were meant to be. If you hadn’t met him that night at the bar, you would have still met him after you moved in. And if you hadn’t decided to blindly move in with someone, you’d have still slept with him. You see what I’m saying? You two are destined.”

Your face was suddenly warm and you tried to hide your clearly flustered state by taking a sip of your coffee.

“We’re trying to be friends,” you said after – the drink was too bitter, you couldn’t hide your traitor smile behind a cup until you put enough sugar inside of it, “all over again. It’s surprisingly difficult in real life.”

“I’m not one of the people who believe that boys and girls can’t be just platonic friends,” Hyojin said. “But I genuinely don’t think it should be this hard to be friends with someone. Maybe there was always something else there. From the first moment you saw each other.”

“Yeah. Anger.”

“No, not that,” she disagreed. “I mean, obviously, you’re both attracted to each other – otherwise you wouldn’t have slept together – but, maybe, after you both had enough time to realize how much stuff the two of you had in common, this little spark just… lit up. And, knowing how stubborn you are about certain things, I can assume that Jaebum is the same way, which means that this spark ignited a different kind of fire than it would for most people and this fire burned inside of you both. You argued instead of acting on your real feelings.”

“Hmm,” you hummed, permanently confused why Hyojin studied Fashion instead of choosing Psychology. You tried your coffee again and then continued, “alright. So be it. We’re working on putting that fire out now.”

“The spark will still be there, though. Maybe that spark was exactly the reason why you fought so much – you were so angry about not knowing what to do with it,” Hyojin hypothesized, smirking now. “Hopefully, this time, the fire will light up at the right moment and in the right way. And, hopefully, this time, you’ll know how to deal with it.”

You shook your head, trying to control the stupid grin that was threatening to spread across your face. Hyojin could read through your emotions, however – and not just because they were all clear in your eyes – and she had to admit, seeing you like this made her happy. Perhaps all of this fighting was worth it in the end – it meant that you and Jaebum had finally learned how much you meant to each other, platonically or not.

After you and Hyojin finally finished chit-chatting – and your first cups of coffee – you finally got your laptop out and actually began to work. At first, you didn’t feel comfortable enough to edit the pictures you took at Jackson’s studio while you were in such a public space – somehow, you felt like you could only look at the shots of Jaebum in a very private environment, and the back of a café didn’t cut it – but, eventually, after clearing your throat a hundred times in an attempt to fight your own awkwardness off, you dared to open the photographs on Photoshop.

Normally, you’d look at a picture and immediately know what you had to do – whether it’s lowering the saturation or adjusting the general coloring – but as soon as you saw the first picture that showed a part of Jaebum – the left side of him, to be exact, since that’s the hand he used to write something down on a notebook in his lap when you started to photograph – you were suddenly breathless and at a complete loss of direction.

The picture didn’t need editing. You couldn’t come up with a single thing to do to make it better. Jaebum looked natural, he made the background blur just by being in the shot, and, most importantly, he looked beautiful. For the first time in your life, you stared at a picture in disbelief – trying to decide if you loved every single thing about it because Jaebum was in it, or because you’d actually, finally taken a picture that was genuinely flawless in your eyes.

Suddenly, as you went through the other pictures, following Jaebum’s movements, you understood why Jiho chose to photograph people. It wasn’t just the dynamics that captured the eye – buildings that you loved to photograph so much never made your heart skip a beat when they accidentally glanced at the camera – it was the emotion behind it. You didn’t have to edit the pictures not just because you found every part of Jaebum too beautiful to alter, but also because he was the emotion inside of the picture that you’d looked for.

You’ve photographed the nature for years. The city skylines at night. The forests in winter. The grass after rain. And, all this time, you spent hours editing those pictures until they started to speak to you. Until they showed the emotion you’d been trying to capture.

And Jaebum did all of that – and more; God, he made you feel the emotions that you didn’t even realize were there when you looked at the pictures – by simply allowing you to photograph parts of him while he did what he loved to do the most – worked on his music. You had a feeling the end result would have been similar if you’d photographed other people too because, maybe, the reason why you were so overwhelmed with the lack of editing needed, was because you just weren’t used to photographing actual people. But, at the same time, there was something special about Jaebum specifically; there was something inside of those pictures that was exclusive to him only. You couldn’t name what it was, though.

“Are you actually doing something,” Hyojin said, interrupting your thoughts, “or just staring at your laptop screen? Because I’m almost done editing and I haven’t heard you click your mouse for the past thirty minutes.”

“Yeah, uh—” you cleared your throat again, closing the fifteenth picture of Jaebum that you had opened. “I’m working. There’s not much—not a lot of stuff for me to do. I’m kind of here to keep you company, at this point.”

“Oh. Well, that’s very nice of you,” she said, a hint of teasing in her voice. “Refill?”

You glanced at her over your laptop, noticing her empty cup of coffee.

“Actually—”

Your phone buzzed loudly against the glass table, startling you and cutting you off. You’d expected it to be a text but as you moved your laptop to a side to pick your phone up, it buzzed again, indicating a phone call.

Jaebum’s name greeted you on your screen.

“Sorry,” you said to Hyojin quickly. “It’s Jaebum.”

She just smiled widely in response and nodded her head, allowing you to take the call. You didn’t know why your hands started to shake when you saw the caller’s ID, but you barely managed to press “answer.”

“Yeah?” you spoke, trying to keep your voice neutral. Excitement; that was the reason for your hands seemingly starting to vibrate just like your phone had.

“Hey,” Jaebum greeted you, his voice affecting you the same way it always did – thank God you were sitting down. “Where are you?”

“At a café with Hyojin, we’ve been trying to get some work done,” you replied, glancing at your friend when you mentioned her name. “What’s up?”

“Oh, am I disturbing?” he asked and you almost considered pinching yourself to make sure this was really happening: you were on the phone with your roommate, having a civilized conversation after he’d clearly called you about something important but was willing to put it off because you might have been busy.

“No, not really,” you replied slowly. “I was—I wasn’t doing much, anyway. Procrastinating, I guess.”

By staring at pictures of you, you wanted to add but resisted.

“Okay,” he said and then stayed quiet for the next few moments, “I just got home a little while ago. I got the groceries, so don’t worry about that. Or about starving.”

You smiled despite yourself. “I was supposed to do that.”

“It’s okay. There’s, uh, something else you could help me do instead,” Jaebum said.

You were surprised—but intrigued, obviously—to hear this. “Yeah?”

“Yeah, uh, since we’re such mature household heads,” he said, “I’m going to need you to help me out with the laundry.”

If you weren’t so taken aback by this request, you would have laughed. Everything already seemed bizarre enough – since you still weren’t used to the fact that, apparently, you and Jaebum now called each other – and now you were genuinely planning to help your roommate do the laundry.

“We, um—the—I haven’t—alright. Yeah,” you stumbled around before finally deciding to just agree. You weren’t sure why you were fishing for an excuse anyway. “Right now?”

“Ideally, yeah,” Jaebum replied, his voice almost sheepish. You swore your heart was racing even before you noticed the needy undertones in his words. “But I don’t want you to bail on your friend because of me, so—”

“No, no,” you cut him off, feeling Hyojin’s eyes on you. She wasn’t even trying to hold back her teasing smile. “She won’t mind, I’m sure.”

“Great, then.”

“I should be home in ten minutes,” you said and then, after glancing out of the window, changed your mind, “fifteen maybe. It’s raining.”

“Alright,” Jaebum replied. “I’ll wait for you.”

Almost shivering, you hummed in response and then hung up the call, taking an extra moment to get yourself together before you dared to look up at Hyojin again. She enjoyed every single emotion that passed on your face.

“So, uh—”

“You have to run?” your friend guessed, thoroughly entertained by how easy it was for her to get you flustered. “A roommate emergency?”

“Actually, yes,” you replied. “He, um, asked for my assistance with the laundry.”

Hyojin raised her eyebrows before repeating it with a shit-eating grin, “the laundry.”

“Mmhm,” you nodded, closing your laptop. “Not sure how that’s going to go, either. Hopefully, we won’t end up drowning each other since we’ve never really done anything as domestic—I guess—as that before. Is it alright if I go?”

“Of course!” Hyojin said. “Go ahead. I’ll get another refill and then I’ll be off, too.”

“Really? I’m—”

“Oh, don’t you dare apologize.”

“Well, you’re smirking like you’re not being fully honest with me—”

She laughed. “Perceptive! Alright, I just didn’t know you and Jaebum were that far ahead in your friendship.”

You frowned and stopped packing your things to give her a confused look. “What do you mean?”

“Well, for one, he just called you instead of texting,” Hyojin explained. “And what’s more, he’s literally asking you to come home to help with laundry. Are you sure you’re not working on your life as an old, married couple instead?”

“Ha ha,” you replied dryly and swung your handbag over your shoulder. “I’m heading out and I feel less bad about leaving you here now because you will never stop teasing me.”

“That’s right, it is my duty as your friend and I’m set on serving it for as long as I live,” she replied, responding to your quick hug and then laughing after she heard you groan. “Bye. Have fun doing… laundry.”

“Bye, Hyojin.”

You realized you had to get used to being civil with Jaebum – well as civil as it was possible to get when he groaned, “finally” and then followed up with, “thank you for not changing your mind on me” right after you returned home – instead of getting surprised by every decent thing he said and did. He was a person and his previous determination to make your life hell had just been one of his charms; it wasn’t a part of his actual personality.

But, as you headed to the bathroom and watched him eye the washing machine suspiciously – how was it that, in over a month of living here, Jaebum hadn’t used it once? – you realized that you and him were about to reach a new level of bonding.

“I have plenty of clothes to last me over a month,” he explained, “and, back in my old apartment, there was a laundromat on the first floor with overly specific instructions on how to do everything. I mean, they even listed tips on how to get your clothes out of the machine properly.”

“Huh,” you mumbled, wondering what kind of apartment he’d lived in before. “I didn’t realize there was a wrong way to get clothes out of a washing machine.”

“Oh, you’d be surprised what the society expects from you.”

“Right. Well, we’ll do it my way,” you warned him. “And doing it my way means stuffing your clothes in the machine, putting the detergent and the fabric softener in there, and hoping for the best.”

Jaebum smiled, shrugging his shoulders. “That sounds better than buying new clothes every day.”

You snickered, turning around and heading for your own bedroom. You still didn’t own a closet and your clothes were very much still in many different boxes – one of which was now dedicated to the clothes you had to wash – but, somehow, you’ve gotten used to it and only when you and Jaebum stopped outside of your bedroom, eyeing the various t-shirts that were laying on your floor, did you realize that perhaps living out of boxes wasn’t entirely perfect.

“Alright,” you said, ignoring your messy floor. “Let me gather my stuff that needs washing and then we can separate our clothes by color, yeah?”

“Oh, yeah, sure,” Jaebum nodded and then, after you entered your room, you heard him chuckle. “It’s an achievement of sorts, isn’t it?”

“What is?” you asked, shooting him a quick, confused look.

“This,” Jaebum gestured at you and then waved his hand in the direction of the bathroom. “Us doing laundry together.”

You smiled – your face was suddenly very warm – and looked away from him. “Yeah. It’s nice to know that, at least, if we get into an argument about which fabric softener to use, it probably won’t be so bad that one of us will decide to move out.”

“Oh, don’t be so quick,” he warned, “I’m very particular about the way my clothes feel against my skin.”

“So, do you have a preferred brand?”

“No, I just use whatever and hope for the best,” he replied, smirking. “Kind of like you.”

“Okay. It’s great that you’re trusting me to teach you how to do this,” you told him, leaning down to pick up your clothes from a box nearby, “but now I’m starting to feel like we’re in a bit of a “blind leading the blind” situation.”

“Oh, come on,” Jaebum waved his hand dismissively. “You’ve done this before all by yourself without any instructions and overprotective girlfriends breathing down your neck. I trust you.”

You swallowed heavily at the sudden mention of Suji, pausing in hopes of finding what to say so you wouldn’t make this awkward and, consequently, making it awkward by not responding.

“She, uh… Did she never actually teach you how to do it yourself?” you asked slowly.

You weren’t expecting him to reply but he took a breath and then shook his head.

“No. She wasn’t in it to teach me,” he said. “She was in it to do it for me.”

“Right,” you said, feeling on edge whenever you had to talk about Suji – although you knew that you should have probably gotten used to it. She’d been a part of Jaebum’s life, conversations about her were almost inevitable. It was just so much easier to pretend she never existed. “Well, today is the day you learn. We’ll have to do laundry twice if you have a lot of clothes that aren’t black, since most of mine are and—”

“No, no, almost all of mine is black as well,” Jaebum replied, bringing out a basket – that you weren’t aware you owned – full of his clothes from where he’d left it in the hallway outside of his bedroom. “Do you think we can do it all in one go?”

“Yeah if you don’t mind washing your clothes with mine.”

He scoffed. “I think we’re close enough to wash our clothes together.”

You tried to hide your smile. “You think so? Sharing detergent is a big commitment.”

“I think we’re ready.”

Laughing – and then turning away from him as soon as you saw his smile widen in response – you brought your clothes over to the kitchen counter to double-check the tags and then instructed Jaebum to check if any of the clothes he needed washing actually needed dry-cleaning. You didn’t want the first time you did laundry with him to turn into a disaster after you’d accidentally ruin his favorite sweater or something.

Preparing to do laundry took a while and doing it took even longer – who could have thought Jaebum would find it so crucial to differentiate cotton from synthetic material vaguely resembling cotton – and, by the time you’d finally started the washing machine, it was already dark outside and both of you found yourselves eating the first things you saw in the kitchen for dinner as you waited for the machine to do its’ job.

“Sorry if I made you starve,” Jaebum mumbled, finishing his sandwich. “You should have gotten some food before we—”

“No, it’s fine. I wasn’t hungry when I got home,” you replied, giving him a reassuring smile. It was heartwarming to hear the concern in his voice but you had almost completely forgotten about any kind of food as soon as he called you, asking for your help even if it was help with something as minimal as laundry. The effect he had on you really shocked you sometimes. “The croissant I had for lunch was surprisingly filling.”

He laughed, shaking his head. “You shouldn’t eat croissants for lunch.”

“There’s not much else I can eat,” you shrugged your shoulders. “The gallery might be as modern as it gets, but it doesn’t offer any restaurant services yet.”

“You could pre-cook some food and bring it with you,” he said. “I do that when I know I won’t have time to go out for lunch. I-I could do that for you as well if you’d like.”

“You’d do that?” you asked quietly, your eyebrows rising.

“Sure, it’s not hard,” he replied, obviously trying to play it off. “I mean, I’d be cooking for myself anyway.”

“Thank you,” you said, watching him but only because his eyes weren’t on you. It was a weirdly intimate moment that neither of you was ready for and you could feel the electricity buzzing between you. Eye contact would have turned that electricity into fire in a heartbeat.

“No problem,” he said, his tone as light as always but you saw the shaky way he exhaled when he stood up to put his plate in the sink. “Oh, Jackson called today, by the way. He was asking about you.”

You perked up. “He was?”

“Yeah, he’s wondering about those pictures,” Jaebum explained, turning around to face you and leaning against the kitchen counter with his hips, his palms flat against the granite countertop on either side of him. “I told him to give you some time but he’s of the impatient kind, so don’t be surprised if he finds a way to get your phone number and calls you.”

“Oh,” you mumbled, bringing a napkin over your lips after you finished eating. This move also helped you cover up a smile that had appeared on your face when you remembered the pictures you’d taken. “I was actually working on the shots I took today.”

“Really? How are they?”

“They’re…” you started, hesitating momentarily, “they’re good. I’ll show them to you. But maybe not right now. I still need to, uh, get used to the pictures myself.”

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Jaebum nodded.

If anyone was going to understand your hesitation to show your art to others – it was going to be him because he was exactly the same way. Only, in your case, you needed more time to prepare to show him the pictures you’ve taken because you were afraid that your feelings for him would shine through every picture.

“Don’t let Jackson pressure you,” Jaebum added. “He’s excited – this was two of his worlds, photography and music, colliding – but he can wait until you’re ready.”

You nodded, still smiling, and looked down, thinking about your next words.

“He’s a good friend,” you finally said, talking slowly. “And he seems like a good person in general. He… doesn’t strike me as someone who’d lie just for the sake of maintaining a good relationship with someone.”

“He’s great,” Jaebum said, frowning lightly because he could not understand where you were going with this.

“Then why – if you don’t mind me asking – don’t you believe him when he says that your music is good?” you finished the question, noticing the way Jaebum’s eyes drifted away from yours as soon as the last word left your lips. “I mean, I’d get it if you wouldn’t believe me. I don’t have a musical background and I don’t know you that well but—”

“I believe you.”

“—he just—” you stopped suddenly. “Y-you do?”

Jaebum nodded. He took a deep breath and sat back down in his previous spot in front of you before continuing.

“I believe you and Jackson both,” he said. “At this point, it’s not that I think my music is bad. I think it could use some improvement but I’d like to believe that I’ll get there. I’ll reach a point where I’ll like everything -- or, at the very least, almost everything -- about the way it sounds. It’s just that I don’t know what to do with my music on top of everything. Playing it at my radio station – if we ignore how unfair that’d be for the other amateur singers – should be a step towards recognition, right? But what if it won’t be? What if I play it, and that’s where it ends? My career in music does not advance and this also brings an end to my inspiration. What if I won’t want to work on my music anymore because my first song will… flop?”

Hearing his concerns about this made your heart beat faster and your hands itch to touch him as reassuring words about how everything was going to be okay almost spilled from your lips.

“But what if it won’t flop?” you tried, your voice small as if you were afraid to say the wrong thing and have him close off again. There was a tiny gap in the protective wall inside of his chest leading right into his heart and you’d have done anything to keep it open. “What if you play it and that doesn’t become an end – it becomes a beginning?”

Jaebum considered this, nodding his head. Your approach was obviously a lot more optimistic than his and, once again, he found himself appreciating that you and him found ways to complete each other whenever you had different opinions about something. Jaebum was set on believing that he was going to fail – but he had you, right across from the kitchen counter, to tell him that not everything that seemed like an end was actually an end.

“I see people who want to become singers fade into the background,” he confessed and you lost yourself in the feelings that poured out of his chest through his words. “They send me countless songs. And then I play one of their songs on the radio. They send me a thank-you note. And then I don’t hear from them again. Anywhere. It doesn’t work out. Getting your song played on the radio does not guarantee you a career.”

“But is it a career that you want?” you asked. “Or is it being heard? Is it sharing your music with the world?”

“That’s the thing – I don’t know,” Jaebum admitted. “And I think it’d be awfully bold of me to say that I want all three.”

“I think it’d be ambitious,” you said. “And that is what I admired the most about you ever since I texted your ad all of those months ago.”

“I thought it was the cat I’d used as my profile picture.”

You laughed. “I admired that, too. But it’s your confidence about what you wanted in life that really pulled me in and even inspired me to be more certain about my own goals. At the end of the day, all you want to do is to create music. That’s your passion. Don’t let the fear of failure stop you from turning that passion into a living.”

Jaebum watched you for a moment before speaking again, “you’ve been a motivational speaker in your past life, haven’t you?”

You laughed again, shaking your head. “No. I’ve been a supportive friend. That’s what I’m trying to be in this life, too.”

It was—probably—very brave of you to call yourself his friend and you almost regretted it as soon as your eyes met his. Jaebum looked at you for a long while, this time, not saying anything and, thus, further fueling your regret.

“Thank you,” he finally spoke, his hand brushing lightly against yours on the counter between the two of you. “All of this means a lot to me.”

Hours later, you and Jaebum were crouched down on the floor of your bathroom, both of you watching the clock on the clothes dryer. You were leaning against the wall in the corner of the room, your eyes following digital numbers on the dryer in front of you while Jaebum rested against the wall next to you, his head halfway on your shoulder. It was already after midnight and, having had an early morning, both of you were too tired to care about how close the two of you were sitting to each other.

“Do you think it’ll take long for it to finish?” you asked, yawning for the sixth time in the past two minutes. “We should have moved into an apartment where the dryer actually showed how much time is left until the laundry’s done.”

Jaebum smiled – yawning a second later as well. “It probably always takes long, that’s why there’s no timer. You can go to sleep if you’re tired.”

“No,” you sighed, wanting to shake your head but stopping yourself before you did because you didn’t want to hit Jaebum who was leaning against you. “We still have to figure out the right way to get our clothes out of the dryer. To appease the society as one would.”

“Not sure if we’ll figure anything out if we both fall asleep while waiting for it to finish drying.”

“Sleeping on the bathroom floor,” you said. “Doesn’t sound so bad, to tell you the truth.”

Jaebum snickered quietly and then pulled away from your shoulder to give you a teasing look. “I’m sure sleeping in my bed is much more comfortable.”

You were sure he managed to catch the sight of your widening eyes before you looked away in embarrassment.

“Right,” you said, the sudden memory of falling asleep in Jaebum’s room last night – and the night before, after you’d confronted Suji – waking your mind right up. “Sorry I keep… falling asleep there.”

“I don’t blame you,” he smirked. “My bed is great. I guess I won that bet in the end, didn’t I?”

You scoffed. “No way. I would have built my bed faster if you hadn’t broken the frame.”

“Sure. But my bed is much more comfortable, so I’m the real winner,” he insisted.

“No, you’re not.”

“You wouldn’t have fallen asleep in my bed if it wasn’t more comfortable than yours.”

You didn’t say anything for a few moments before finally whispering, “I don’t think it’s about the bed.”

“No?” Jaebum asked, his eyes tracing the features of your face. You still weren’t looking at him so you didn’t notice the desperation hiding behind his gaze. You’ve just said something he’s been waiting to hear. He needed you to continue. “What’s it about, then?”

Too tired to filter your thoughts properly before you voiced them, you shook your head. You’ve already said enough. Now was not the time for pathetic confessions of love that may have not been reciprocated. No one deserved to get their hearts broken after midnight. It was the worst possible time.

“You know exactly what it’s about,” you chose to say.

Jaebum didn’t give in, “do I?”

“I think you do.”

“I’d like it if you said it.”

You laughed suddenly, your mind too tired to argue with him. “Get lost.”

It was so obvious what the two of you were talking about – you didn’t fall asleep in Jaebum’s bed because the bed was comfortable; you kept falling asleep there because he was there – and yet you were both too stubborn. You refused to voice the real reason why you found yourself in his bed and he refused to give up without hearing you say it out loud.

You were so close to something. So close, you could almost taste it on your lips after you nervously brought your tongue over them. You could almost feel it in the rapid beating of Jaebum’s heart when you moved your arm to find a more comfortable position and ended up positioning it right on his back.

You were so close but you weren’t there yet.

Jaebum responded to you with a tired chuckle and then, after slowly getting up from the floor, extended a hand for you. “Let’s go to sleep. We’ll get the clothes out tomorrow.”

“But they’ll be all wrinkled—”

“At least you’ll get a good night’s sleep,” he said, “so it won’t matter as much.”

You sighed, taking his hand and allowing him to help you stand up.

“So,” Jaebum said, his eyes glazed over with exhaustion, but his lips still curled into a teasing smirk. “My bed or yours?”

You pushed his shoulder, making him laugh again.

“Goodnight,” you said, walking past him towards your bedroom. Jaebum watched you go with the same smile still on his lips. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

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