#IM LITERALLY SO MAD DUDE WHY DOES EVERYONE IN THIS HOUSE KEEP EATING THE FOOD IM SAVING

[doublesidedgemini]

Tw: fast talk and I’m super mad and angry in this post it’s v bad vibes

Oh my god I just ended a 36 hour fast only to find out my sister ate my fucking vegan chicken nuggets I’m gonna kill this bitch for real dude you absolute fucking JACK ASS

She had the audacity to say to my face “well there’s pizza”

Bitch I need protein fuck you dude I don’t have the fucking money to go out and buy more fucking food right now BITCH WE DONT EVEN HAVE PB IN THE HOUSE AJFKSJWBFJZISNAHXHD

[vegetalass]

hcs of the gang being quarantined in one big house together maybe?? 🥺 lub ur writing

i lub u, anon!!🥺 sorry this took forever!

General 

Oh my godddddddddd

They had to stop doing movie nights because there was too much fighting 

They tried to set it up such that everyone got a turn to pick a movie but there were still complaints

Now, movies are viewed at random and the policy is that 

1. The TV is first come first serve

2. You have to announce when you’re using it

3. Anyone is allowed to join you 

This has stemmed into multiple people shouting “IM WATCHING _____” at random times

And yes, people will try to hide the remote (mostly Sean)

If they can find it, that is

The lines between public and private property have been blurred. Everything must be labeled or there is a chance someone will take it 

You can risk it, but it’s not recommended since they’re all dudes and will most likely eat anything 

And even with your name on a box of graham crackers, there’s still a chance someone will stick their hand it in and steal a few

All the dudes walk around in their Long Johns like it’s not awkward

They have to do their own laundry so everyone is missing socks

Or they have extras

And wet laundry is constantly being left on the ground if it’s unattended and someone needs the washer 

Arthur

This dude double dips 

He licks the spoon and puts it back in, too 

Gets yelled at a lot for this, but never remembers to stop

Everybody is afraid to touch all of the dips now because of this 

And Hosea has to start buying separate ones just for Arthur

He’s the one who takes 3 hour baths 

I imagine that there’s multiple bathrooms in the house but not enough for everyone so there are definitely times when people are like “WTF, Arthur you’re still in there?” or “Where’s Arthur?” 

Usually it’s Charles or John because they don’t mind sharing a bathroom with each other 

Cue Arthur having accidentally fallen asleep in the tub 

But yea he’s just chilling in there, otherwise

Started the quarantine off by trying to fix up the house… But immediately got lazy

There’s probably a number of things he keeps saying that he’ll “get to, eventually”

The only reason Dutch hasn’t called someone is because it’s a PANDEMIC

Technologically challenged 

Barely knows how to turn on the TV and still uses an iPhone 5 that has pretty much stopped working

John has given up trying to explain how to make things fullscreen on YouTube

Because of this, probably spends most of his time wandering around the yard and reading or journaling

Tilly even bought him some scrapbooking supplies, which he’s been trying to use 

Little washi tapes and highlighters because she knows it can’t get too complicated too fast 

She also makes him an Instagram account so he can take photos or post art

But figuring out how it works is a losing battle, and he never remembers to use it, anyway 

“I think we should get a pet” 

Everyone: “Arthur... Do we look like we take care of ourselves? 

If anyone tries to talk about how annoying the quarantine is, starts ranting about people who refuse to take it seriously

And the conversation ends up spiraling into him blaming capitalism for everything

John 

Every other meal he eats is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or Doritos

He does that thing where he wraps a bowl or plate in plastic wrap so he doesn’t have to wash it 

Doesn’t clean up after himself

Leaves used tissues, slimy butter knives with PB on them, and crusty socks laying around 

Unluckiest of them all 

His snacks get taken the most, the bathroom is always occupied when he needs it, never gets to use the TV, his laundry is always moved, etc. 

Always ends up using the bathroom when there’s no toilet paper

Texts Arthur for help and then makes an announcement in the group chat about “common courtesy” 

Nobody replies

His texts are full of messages to Abigail that all say the same thing

“Help.” + “Please come get me” + “I hate it here”

They’re all left on read except for the occasional response asking if he needs anything from Target

The list he sends back is like four paragraphs long and it’s all dumb stuff 

He’s like “FaceTime me when you get there, I wanna go shopping too”

Doesn’t even really want to leave the house for necessities, so he has to do stuff like water down his soaps or steal other people’s toiletries just to prolong how often he needs to go shopping for himself

He’s the one using Irish Spring from the dollar store mixed with water or a block of orange Dial soap that hasn’t been touched in five years 

Charles tries to throw away an empty hand soap and John is like “THERE’S STILL SOAP IN THERE LOOK” *mixes water with it* 

Steals razors and Shampoo 

Thinks conditioner is “unnecessary” and “doesn’t do anything” 

Complains about being bored but doesn’t bother to do the things people that people offer

Charles 

Voluntarily becomes a recluse 

Not because he wants to but because everyone else is too annoying to deal with 

He’s forced to start using the internet and when he’s not on the computer he’s trying to block out the noise of the 8 other men he lives with just living 

Going on walks is his other hobby

Also probably buys one of those adult coloring books to color

Like Athur, Charles hogs the bathroom 

It’s not as bad as Arthur since he’s not in the tub for the whole time but he really will spend an hour getting ready in the morning for absolutely no reason 

If anyone asks about it he just tells them that since they’re in quarantine there’s no reason to rush 

But he does get yelled at if there’s no other bathrooms available 

Becomes a self-care connoisseur 

Walks around in a bathrobe and face mask just to try and achieve some sort of zen 

Literally the only one who doesn’t walk around half naked

Besides Hosea, the one of the only guys who tries to wake up on time and eat three healthy meals a day 

The house is entirely dark and he’s eating toast while Hosea makes coffee 

It’s awkward, not because they’re weird about each other but because no one else is awake and it’s quiet for once 

Dutch is the third person up and Charles leaves the kitchen by the time he’s around 

Gave up trying to do the dishes and only cleans what he uses

Sometimes if he feels like being nice he’ll do Arthur’s dishes, too 

But only if he gets something back in return, like Arthur doing his laundry or something

The only one who changes his bedsheets on the regular

Him and Kieran are the only ones trusted by Hosea to leave the house safely 

Micah 

Everyone is surprised Micah isn’t dead yet

Everyone is constantly fed up with him for something or for just being irritating 

And try to ignore him for the most part, which is hard

Tries to defends himself with “Well, you don’t have to bother me if you don’t want to” 

Doesn’t clean up after himself, either

John leaves more mess, but Micah does worse stuff 

While John just leaves his dirty peanut butter knives around, Micah does stuff like forget to put the mayo back in the fridge, leave the bread bag out and open, forgets to bring his used dishes to the dishwasher, throws his trash in other people’s trash cans, leaves his wet laundry in the dryer, etc. 

If it’s annoying and gross, he does it 

And tries to eat food that other people have made for themselves or don’t want to share with him 

Dutch is the only one who shares with him willingly

Does not pick up his hair from the bottom of the shower

And doesn’t clean the sink after he shaves

Honestly, I doubt any of the drains in the house work properly because so much shaving goes on 

It’s honestly surprising to everyone that he takes the quarantine seriously 

Accuses people of being sick even though all of them have barely left the house… 

Wears a mask inside when he’s feeling salty 

He doesn’t even care about the mask, it’s just to make people feel gross and bad about themselves

Besides Sean, he’s always trying to hog the TV

And everything he watches is annoying, pretentious, or both

Complains about there being “nothing to watch” despite always having something on and refusing to stop

Tries to smoke inside and literally always get busted for it

Even if other people are doing it too, he’s the one who doesn’t even bother to be by a window when he does it

His room is always off limits 

If you need something from him you need to knock and wait in the doorway

Also does the “You’re too close… Step back, please” thing

And if anyone gets mad, says it’s a pandemic and he’s just trying to be SAFE

Mostly does this to feel powerful

Turns in to Uncle Jr. with all the complaining and berating he does

Uncle is honestly offended

Hosea

The only person allowed to do the shopping 

He gave up trying to give people lists because the groceries they came back with were never right 

Either too few, too many, not the right stuff... You name it 

See here for more

That’s why, despite being the oldest, he’s the one who goes grocery shopping for meals twice a week 

Refuses to buy alcohol because of incidents that they’ve had

Can’t stop people from sneaking it, though

Similar to Dutch in that he gets annoyed when people oversleep, but because its quarantine, he tries to not mention it, and at the worst, gets passive aggressive 

Tries to make a chore chart for people to follow but it gets ignored

He ends up having to force people to do things by reminding them constantly 

He’s the one who starts opening people’s doors in the morning and turning on the lights

Makes everybody start eating on paper plates with plastic silverware because he’s tired of trying to make people use the dishwasher 

Arthur doesn’t know how, John doesn’t put his plates in the right place, Charles refuses to since no one else contributes to keeping it neat, Micah doesn’t even know they have one, Kieran also can’t fill it correctly... 

Basically, it’s too much for Hosea to handle 

His dinners are all Costco pre-made meals that can be made quickly 

Frozen lasagna and prepackaged salad type stuff 

He’s the guy who falls asleep on the couch sitting up while watching TV and if you try to talk to him he says “I’m awake” without opening his eyes

And if he’s using it, don’t even think about suggesting to change the channel 

The answer is and always will be no

Even when he’s not really paying attention

And it’s either on the History Channel or Discovery Channel

Always complaining about how cold his feet are

Doesn’t let anyone touch the thermostat

He’s an in real life Elf on the Shelf

Dutch 

If anyone, and I mean anyone starts sleeping in, he gets in a really pissy mood 

“While I’m up, doing work for you, you’re sitting in bed being lazy!!!” and “What do you mean you don’t understand why! Why should I have to tell you why wasting the day is annoying to all those who are working!” 

Even despite this, he can’t actually change the fact that no one wakes up on time

And it’s not like the work he’s doing for them is very important

He’s the one who thinks that a pandemic is the perfect time to be or do something useful

Eat healthy, write a book, pump iron… Anything

And when people complain about being useless he’s like “You have all this free time!!!1! Stop complaining!!! You can do anything!!!” 

And if he’s doing something he considers useful, yells at people who try to bother him 

Arthur: “Hosea wanted to know-”

Dutch: *doing sit ups* “CAN’T YOU SEE I’M BUSY?” 

When it’s his turn to cook dinner, he’s making 8 boxes of Trader Joe’s mac and cheese in a huge pot and calling a meal

Literally the only meal no one complains about 

He won’t clean the pot when it’s finished, though

Literally just cooks and leaves it out for someone else to deal with

Another self-care aficionado 

Also walks around in a bathrobe and face mask 

He’s worse than Charles though, because while Charles wears pants... Dutch will be booty ass naked under his 

Also keeps trying to make homemade masks and scrubs and walks around in those, too 

He’s like “This is a good one, I can tell already” 

Everyone: “Dutch... is that... mayo... in your hair?”

Annoyingly good at monopoly

Does not invite Molly over and gets yelled at over FaceTime

Cue everyone eavesdropping on their arguments

Goes on power walks

Yells at people when they listen to loud music with swear words 

Honestly, always yelling at people

“Can somebody get me my slippers? Arthur? John? Hosea? AnYoNe!!!”

Kieran 

Spends the least time in the bathroom because he’s afraid of getting yelled at 

Does everything in five minute increments 

Except for showers, when he allows himself ten minutes

Barely 

Most of what he eats is just microwave popcorn and shredded cheese

He’s the one asking people if they want to go on “family walks” with him

Literally no one joins him 

Also tries to play board games with everyone

This goes a little better at least because Hosea will sometimes play and if he’s there, a few people will definitely join 

Very bad at monopoly

The most conscious about wearing a mask 

The others wear them but Kieran is the one who wears double masks, gloves, and carries around Febreeze 

Also will get mad if anyone forgets their “safety equipment” 

Or if they’re within six feet of him in public

Props to him though for staying healthy 

I’ve mentioned this before, but... Spends most of his time playing games on a big tablet wearing headphones

Candy Crush and FarmVille and Words with Friends and stuff like that

Though all of his internet friends are weird old ladies he doesn’t know 

Everyone is mad at him for sending non-stop game notifications, too

Hosea is the only one who responds to any of them 

He’ll never admit this, though

Also tries to start doing arts and crafts 

Mary-Beth started telling him about the various crafts she’s been doing, so he’s started trying to follow along, too 

Things like crocheting or popsicle stick art 

His stuff all looks bad, but he’s just happy to be doing it

And to be FaceTiming Mary-Beth

When he gets to choose a movie, he’s picking a “family-friendly” movie like Inside Out or Lilo and Stitch 

Everyone starts out being mad but they all end up watching the whole thing without complaining 

Heated debates ensue, too 

For example, like about whether Flynn should’ve cut Repunzel’s hair in Tangled 

“YOU’RE GONNA LOOK AT ME AND TELL ME THAT I’M WRONG?” 

Charles + Arthur vs. Dutch + Bill

Makes meatloaf or Hamburger Helper like once a week

They’re basically the only thing he knows how to make 

Sides with Arthur when he suggests getting a pet

Wears a Snuggie 

Doesn’t change his socks 

Javier

Plays his own music very loudly and won’t turn it off or down if you ask 

Either that or he’s practicing guitar 

It’s not really that bad but when you can’t escape it.... People get mad 

The only saving grace is that the singing is usually in Spanish so it’s not as bothersome

The door to his room is always closed

Refuses to open it

To talk to him, you have to knock and then he’ll exit

Dutch is the only one allowed in and he thinks Javier’s rules about entering are creepy so never does it

Javier cooks his own food and won’t share

Only makes enough for exactly one person so even if he wanted to, there’s not enough

Eats dinner in his room to prevent people from bothering him or asking for some

However, he has the biggest stash of quarantine snacks… 

No one knows where he gets them

And getting him to share is like trying to do a drug deal, but he’s not against it as long as he gets something in return 

He didn’t personally cook all these snacks so the rules are different 

His room is full of scented candles to make it smell better since the whole house kinda smells like Boy 

Buys a gamer chair at the start of quarantine 

Claims it’s more comfortable than the office chair that Dutch and Hosea chose for everyone

Everyone is jealous

Wears fuzzy pajama pants only 

Sean

Sean is the one sleeping in

Never sleeps in his bed and just falls asleep wherever, basically

Usually the couch

Because he’s always snoozing, he’s the one who watches the most TV

Micah claims this isn’t “fair,” despite doing the same thing

And even if he’s not watching TV, he’s just using the couch to watch Tik Toks full volume 

Tries to make his own Tik Toks, but they either stink or no one wants to participate

Constantly having people get mad at him for recording them 

Stopped wearing clothes the moment quarantine started

Always in a tank top and his underpants 

It’s kinda weird 

People cared at first but by now they can’t be bothered to complain since they’re 

1. Used to it 

2. Probably start doing the same thing

Leaves his laundry laying around

Also won’t share anything he’s eating 

Gets mad when people steal food

Doesn’t address anyone in particular though, just walks around yelling about how “nobody has the common decency not to steal” 

Has food delivered almost every other day 

No one knows where he’s getting the money from, either

Everyone think it’s a waste

Mostly because he doesn’t share, but also because all hell broke loose when Hosea found out about an expense called “delivery fees” 

Also has a stick up his ass about wasting food 

Started yelling about this randomly, too 

If he can’t force someone else to finish leftovers, he forces himself to finish them 

Probably gets caught watching a certain type of nasty video a lot

Lowkey it probably happens to everybody at least once

Yells at anti-maskers 

Tries to wrestle the other boys and gets his ass handed to him

Bill

Possessive of everything 

Usually he’s not this bad but being cooped up with a bunch of thieves and liars doesn’t make him confident that his Circus Animal cookies will last very long 

Doesn’t share anything and very adamant about making sure there’s labels on things so nothing gets mixed up

Also makes his own space in the fridge with tape 

BILL’S SPACE DO NOT TOUCH 

And will start yelling in anything is moved 

Not as bad as Sean though because he only cares about his own stuff

The whole thing is super hypocritical though, because he definitely steals other people’s stuff

If he gets caught, claims “it’s only fair” 

Hosea has to buy him soap because he won’t buy it himself

Definitely the one who learns how to make prison hooch with cranberry juice and yeast

And the one who eats all of the ice cream 

Even the nasty flavors 

Wears the same clothes everyday because since he’s not working, “they’re not dirty” 

They start getting holes in them, though

If anyone tries to suggest something for him to do, he gets mad and claims he “knows how to entertain himself”

Also constantly accusing people of being in his space or business 

Ends up starting a ton of fights over this and then complaining about how mean everyone is to him 

He’s not doing it on purpose, though 

Ends up buying some kind of gaming console to pass the time

If he buys an Xbox, he shares with the rest of the boys

If he buys a nintendo switch, he starts playing Animal Crossing and doesn’t put it down for weeks 

Out of everyone… He’s the one who takes the pandemic the least serious 

He follows the rules because he doesn’t want to be eaten alive by any of the boys, but he probably thought the virus was a hoax at first 

He learned his lesson the first time he tried to go out without a mask and got locked in the car, though

Forgets to flush the toilet 

His room is dirty

[splendidshinobi]

FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST 2003 LIVE REACT: EPISODES 6-10

back at it again with the white vans

episode 6: the alchemy exam

alrighty then

um mustang calling edward “ed” is EXTREMELY offputting

ohhhhhhh noooooo not shou tucker

FUCK

im wholly unprepared

them all being in central instead of east is low key jarring like my brain isnt computing it

alexander’s intro is basically the same 

nina bbyyyyy girl u deserved so much better

ed is such a fucking nerd...chemistry club modern au confirmed

god the more tucker talks the more i wanna beat his face in

al pretending to eat by tossing a potato in his armor i-

aww theyre playing in the snow theyre so pure

wonder how long thatll last

“bigger brother” and “little big brother” and ed doesnt even get mad

ed’s birthday party????????

A MELON? ED YOURE SO RUDE

so 03 had ed’s bday instead of elicia’s...CAUSE THEY GOT ELICIA IN THE WOMB

“it’s here!” “the tea?” “the baby!” hughes is a fuck head

ok so now they’re having elicia replace rush valley baby arc

this was winry’s time to shine in fmab i miss her 

if winry isnt here who is gonna birth this baby

oh my god they just realized ed can use alchemy without a circle

no wonder he’s been using circles this whole time

SO ELICIA JUST POPPED OUT????? WHAT

STUFF ALEXANDER IN THE ARMOR AND PRETEND YOURE A TALKING DOG???

“i dont think thats very funny” NO ALPHONSE IT IS NOT

THEY KNEW EXACTLY WHAT THEY WERE DOING WITH THAT ONE I SWEAR TO GOD IN THIS ESSAY I WILL

damn bradley what up homie

im so thrown off by the way theyre doing the exam omg

seriously what the hell is fuhrer bradley’s purpose right now is he even the fuhrer in this i feel like they wouldve mentioned it

oh lord ed is about to impress everyone with his clappy hands

ok so next episode is nina FUCK

episode 7: night of the chimera’s cry

havoc babeeee

im gonna marry him my himbo king

also can RIZA DO SOMETHING PLZ

“huhhhhhhhh nina” ew tucker that was weirdly gross

wonder why

cant do it cant do it

do we think jean kirstein was modeled after jean havoc slightly looks wise

was that purposeful 

ill have to google 

serial killer who only targets women?  it cant be scar...scar drinks respect women juice

barry or slicer bros maybe? um ok

why did we start with liore if they were just gonna hop right back into the past for a huge chunk of episodes idk

assessment day??? oh noodles

AL WHY DID YOU TELL TUCKER TO MAKE ANOTHER TALKING CHIMERA ALPHONSE NO

THE NOISE I EMITTED IM GONNA TAKE A LAP

im gonna FUCKING SCREAM

ed r u writing to winry??? that’s a bit out of character for u good sir

no tucker put that baby down

im gonna fucking SCREAM

aww he burned nina’s picture thats not sus at all

SHESKA!!!!!

wait does the ironblood alchemist know what tucker did to his wife? thats kinda the vibe im getting

SCARRRRRRRR

looking like a pirate too damn

his voice sounds different is that j michael tatum 

apparently not it was dameon clarke in 03 ya learn something new everyday 

ew elicia has a lot of hair for a FUCKING NEWBORN

ed really is such a cynic very suspicious of everyone as he should be really

basque grand knowS SOMETHING

oh jesus oh fuck oh god please do not TOUCH THAT BABY

ed and al snuck back in to the house well u know what its for the best

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

im gonna cry again please god no

FUCKING DIE SHIT HOLE

she’s hurting? oh my god

my sweet angel

ew his eyes!!!!!!! 

tucker is such a fucking failure...like look at the chimera squad and greed’s theatre troupe being the way they are. ugh it really hits how fucking unfair it is 

ed was really about to split them? boy you know better

where is nina going...im hurting

ed really tried to save her in this one

SCAR KILLS NINA IN THE STREETS???????? SIR

thats different

oh snap 

oh FUCK

SCAR WHY DID YOU LEAVE HER BODY LIKE THAT

THE WAY SHE WAS ARRANGED ON THE WALL THAT WAS FUCKED UP

AND THEY FOUND HER LIKE THAT???? AT LEAST IN BROTHERHOOD THEY DIDNT HVE TO SEE HER CORPSE ARE YOU SHITTING ME?

that was fucked.

episode 8: the philosopher’s stone

can yall get ed and al away from nina’s fucking MURAL 

get out of the car mustang

finally jesus christ

roy mustang talking about healthy coping mechanisms dont make me laugh but alright baby boy go off i guess?

im curious about who this goddamn serial killer is though lets turn to that plot thread

r u kidding me

mustang is making ed and al take over tucker’s research?? thats actually wildly messed up

oh tucker was straight executed that’s a choice i guess

tucker and the philosopher’s stone sounds inaccurate but ok

ed please stop being mean to your brother

03 mustang has got me reaching for a fucking baseball bat on GOD

scar and edward having this conversation right now i literally cannot

WINRY yes bitch

BRADLEY WHAT IN TARNATION

JESUS LORRRRRRDDDDDDDDDDDD

alphonse shut your mouthhhhhhhhhhh

im so confused what is bradley up to

“alchemists are not cold blooded murderers?”

i mean

kimblee would beg to differ for one

whos this creepy lady 

her voice sounds familiar

barry’s food shop?

the killer is barry ok got it

IS BARRY DISGUISED AS A WOMAN

I KNEW THAT WAS JERRY JEWELL’S VOICE

WELL I KNEW IT SOUNDED FAMILIAR AT LEAST

WINRY GET OUT OF THE FUCKING TRUCk

has PINAKO TAUGHT YOU NOTHING

ok so i VASTLY prefer suit of armor original manga canon barry

this is such an odd plot what in fuck

um OW the meat cleaver

im so confused this fucking plotline

oh hey alphonse nice of you to show up!

is barry still gonna become a suit of armor later on

it makes NO SENSE to introduce him otherwise 

everytime i see 03 mustang i wanna beat his ass HONESTLY

literally i will shove my foot up his ass

fullmetal here we go

ed thinks he’s so punk rock 

oh great scar’s seen the watch

episode 9: be thou for the people

ed you simp buying winry all this stuff my edwin heart is ascending

SIMP SIMP SIMP

“mr. elric”?? you mean MAJOR ELRIC

to be fair though fuck the military

YOUSWELL??? oh LORD

im gonna need to read a full chronology of this show

 alphonse continues to be a precious angel 

where’s my boy yoki!!!!!

edward you idiot don’t go flaunting your money

woof woof ed

al looks so offended by ed saying they just met

whereas in brotherhood didnt he totally throw ed under the bus??? 

a choice to be sure

ah there he is hello yoki

who’s the chick

shes a lesbian

yoki makes me miss my baby girl mei chang

mei where r u

WAS THIS MILITARY DUDE REALLY ABOUT TO CUT DOWN A CHILD??? oh my god

hawkeye getting a promotion yes bby girl

jesus theyre transferring them to east now OKKKKKAY thats not how it happened it the book but ill take it....just doing it the opposite way i guess

who is lyra who is she

cute some military bribery 

umm lyra what the fuck did you do

lyra is a homunculus im callin it now

they definitely invented/changed up some homunculi in fact im certain they did and shes one of em. gotta be

i feel like 03 wrote ed as much more insensitive towards others than he really is...just a vibe im getting

i know he was faking for the townspeople’s sake but i still get this vibe from other instances 

i mean i cant say its not “canon” because its 03 canon

anyways what a show off

i cant believe theyre going to east...fuery and breda better be there

ok finally some answers on their ages....ed got his license at 12 like normal and nina and youswell were when he was 12...liore was 15, 

if they didnt flash the ages on the screen id be lost honestly

at least we’re back up to “present day”

episode 10: the phantom thief

ed saying he doesnt wanna see mustang

same

03 mustang is activating my fight or flight and im choosing fight

ed cheating at cards totally checks out

um who the fuck is this woman

what is she wearing

SERIOUSLY WHAT IS THAT CUTOUT MAAM HOW DO YOUR C**CHY LIPS NOT POKE OUT

idk but this is fem!hisoka

“hey shouldnt we talk first” after getting handcuffed??? christ almighty these innuendos

siren??????? siren is probably also a “fake” homunculus

ugh

ok so the nurse is siren

ya aint slick girly

alphonse control your crush

I REFUSE!!!! ALMEI RIGHTS

why is al’s hair so brown in this flashback anywayssss

oh its spelled psiren ope

like she’s literally a batman villain...

oh my god...............the tiddy grab. my son would never

my son is respectful

is this her homunculus tat or just a random alchemy tat

the added plotlines and original content continue to confuse and astound me every single time....

ok but if psiren really was doing this for the hospital she wouldnt be so flashy about it. like thats how you get caught sweet cheeks

girly stop flirting with this child on god im gonna fucking kick you

now shes a nun????????????????

Shes a fucking troll i hate her

im going to kick alphonse into the sun 

oh great now shes a teacher

wow shes a savior. the savior of amestrian venice. greatttttt

ed looking exactly like this emoji on this gondola rn 🧍‍♀️

STOP FLIRTING WITH THE CHILD 

GOD THIS IS SO BATMAN VILLAIN ESQUE

alphonse plzzzzzzzzzz she aint your girl

ok so probably not the last we see of this ding dong con artist

ok so its starting to get muddy. im scared the 03 stans are gonna come after me like i do like it and im having fun watching it but some of the plot and characterization choices are just....odd??? idk i gotta keep going though!! im sorry i just stan arakawa and her work in all her glory!!!

[unproduciblesmackdown]

instead of me making a post where i briefly rate btvs characters im gonna do a post im sure ive already made abt how in the first book alone its shown that narnia is an unreasonable twilight zone to deal with and the lore is wild and aslan is sort of a jerk and bad with dealing with children / dealing with the world he created; or: the battle of the reader vs cs lewis

ok first of all. this book completely wrongs edmund. cs lewis is determined to have us believe that he is a Bad Sort but? not so much that when he's "redeemed" we have to doubt for even a moment that he's now Good Forever. and the reasons the reader keeps being given about why we should be disgusted with edmund are incredibly weak and often bemusing

to start with, cs lewis hates boarding schools which is probably because they could be awful and so he throws out the reason that edmund used to be as nice and purehearted as his siblings until boarding school spoilt his immortal soul? were peter and susan taught at home or in public school then? if lewis was making a comment on how terrible boarding school is, why isnt edmund given any sympathy for this by the narrator or his siblings who just seem largely annoyed by him?

and since at the start the kids are being sent off from home in the middle of a world war their dad is off in and have to go to a boring house with an uncle? who for some reason never like, bothers to speak to them or see them ever. tf, dude. and theyre in england in the first place. anyhow, the fact that edmund being in a bad mood over this is supposed to be evidence of his crappiness is a touch unreasonable. he's like what, 8-11? so much of this book hinges on his character needing to be saved from his own badness that its sort of unforgivable that said badness really doesnt exist. hates his terrible school? hates his terrible situation? difficult? fights with siblings? how is this meant to be fit for A Just and Divine Damnation. why is there such a complete lack of sympathy. does lewis understand anything about children.

the answer is that "adults assuming these young as hell children have the same emotional maturity and logical processes and understanding of the world as adults" is a constant theme. these random schoolchildren become the supreme rulers of an entire country in a world theyve never been in after like, a week. the whole series runs on a fair number of other English Brand notions abt classism, racism, divine right to rule, etc. but even if it wasnt "only humans can lead", why would any children be allowed? children who had never been there? for gods sake

moving on to the plot: lucy finds narnia, etc. i guess on account of being Young and A Girl, which here means spiritual purity? and also as a character trope means Innocence. ok. meeting an exposition-providing faun, getting back, nobody believes her because why would they. their great(but not good) uncle bothers showing up upon coincidence. why hasnt he ever even said "hello, im not evil" to the kids staying at his house?for gods sake. he then explains to the kids a version of one of lewis's apologistic things that supposedly logically proves that christianity is valid and here proves that narnia is real, which it actually does neither of. shove it, clive staple lewis. your argument is crap

oh but edmund went to narnia along with lucy before that had happened. this is supposed to be a crucial point where he meets the white witch and is supposed to be like, dont be like edmund kids!! but frankly he behaves perfectly reasonably during that encounter and also when they all get to narnia. coz, ok, he's in an alternate universe alone which is disorienting for anyone. then the witch just happens to stumble across him. was he supposed to have prevented that somehow? lucy just stumbled across mr tumnus and trusted him inherently and it happened to go well. the first person edmund meets is someone else and he talks with her for a minute because she is a grown ass woman, probably gonna kill him otherwise, and also he's in an alternate universe alone with no idea where anyone is or if he can get back? here is a quick tangent:

a moral throughout the series is that you can sense somethings inherent goodness or truthfulness through how much it gives you a nice gut feeling. yet frankly this is not the only way to go about making choices. and not everything bad sets off alarms and not everything that sets off alarms is bad, so i dont know how much of a lesson that is. but for example, here the witch doesnt give edmund the warm fuzzies, and it is supposed to be a mistake or moral weakness on his part to not have.....what? gone running aimlessly through the arctic landscape in his jammies from a self-proclaimed queen with a sledge? he didnt really have any options here. how is he meant to know she's not really the ruler of this crap place that, so far as he knows, he lives in now? and ok, then somehow his big ol mistake is eating some damn candy and having some hot cider or whatever. it is eternal winter, why is this child a sinner for getting up out of the snow and humoring this lady by taking some offered snackaroos. also, everyone says turkish delight isnt even good. ask for some m&m's, ed!!! love yourself!! and even if he is supposed to know never to eat magical food or be bound to the fairy queen, lucy went and had tea with a fuckin faun so again, they basically did the same thing but edmund met the wrong person by sheer luck of it, so he has to die. LEWIS!!!!!!!

another big Edmund Must Die moment is when he and lucy get back from narnia and edmund lies that narnias fake, because he's evil. first of all, the fact that lucy tells him that some stranger she's buddies with says the white witch is evil and a liar. how is her stranger meant to be more reliable than the witch? this is just the word of two randos pitted together. how is edmund meant to understand this as Proof that the queen is evil and an imposter to the throne. frankly, she's functionally the actual queen, so its not even really a lie? narnia is impossible. secondly, it is 10000% understandable that edmund would realize that if he backs up lucy's claims then everyone is going to go looking for narnia, and in the experience he's just had, its a hellhole. and lucy has just told him that he possibly met an evil witch that is interested in also meeting his siblings? wouldnt be too thrilled about going back there then. and thirdly, if as lewis says he just lies because he is evil? does this man again not understand that Impulsive Pettiness is a bit different coming from a 9 yr old than a grown adult. the narrator is just so aghast at edmund constantly when its like dude he's.....not really doing anything, and also theyre all babies. let him be a bit of a little shit without the devil herself coming to claim his spilled blood for it, mayhaps

also, there is a bit of confusion about the fairy food! it is implied to be actually kind of magically binding, like to a degree he has to cooperate with the witch now because he took food he was offered? or at least it is somehow "corrupting." so how is this meant to be a sin if also it is not even his own choices here! how was he meant to have avoided this? dont take candy from strangers, sure. BUT IF YOU DO, YOU DESERVE WHAT YOU GET!!!

all the pevensies are in narnia, lucy lets it for everyone else remarkably fast, but i guess she is like 6 and having a nice time with her family in a magical land. although you'd think she'd be more concerned about all that witch stuff, and the fact that mr tumnus was about to straight up childnap her and deliver her to childmurder. like, good on you for not doing that. but how many people has he been selling out all this time! its literally been his job for however long. he's had to have had something to show for it. is morally greyness just arbitrarily sorted into black and white Good/Evil characters and these kids are supposed to sniff out which way these things fall? for gods sake. see, my point is that this adult faun who was going to turn a kindergartener in to be killed until he decided nah, and previously definitely probably narced on people in the past, is way crapper than a kid who has been grumpy and ran into the wrong person? what is edmunds Betrayal. was it the food eating

anyways, then peter is a total dick, but in like a noble way. in that he's mad at edmund for ages but like...again, ok, he's like 12-14 or whatever, who knows. the point is that if he can hold a grudge against his siblings for being annoying, why is that trait evil in edmund? it is because narrator lewis says so, damn him. but if peter is the Natural Born Leader of A Country here, you'd think he could at least manage not to keep giving a hard time to the one of their group who is going to be any trouble keeping in line at all, since lucy is Pure and susan gets the literature role of the Mini Mom. theyre not going anywhere. you basically had one job, pete.

fun fact: this is where they find out mr tumnus is taken by the queens evil forces, referred to as the police. this is basically the only book i can think of where the evil enforcement agency is called a police force. Interesting Stuff

even though im not sure what any of them think they can accomplish by wandering around, they end up following a random bird and following some random beavers. they know this is ok because of those warm fuzzies, and the fact edmund isnt feeling those good vibes is because he's evil, but honestly its a shit plan following some random bird and assuming some beavers are gonna be good guys. the only people edmund knows of in this country are an imposing queen and her kidnapper who's totally nice. also if tumnus told lucy that the queen has loads of spies, why are they crashing around inherently trusting the first things they see? lucy trusts a faun who was going to sell her to satan, edmund sort of has to trust an ominous lady who turns out to possibly be evil? why would he not find it a questionable idea to wander into this beaver dam

in further supposed evidence of edmund being all devil-corrupted by d&d, he doesnt get the warm fuzzies when these random beavers start talking abt a magic lion who's great and wandering around somewhere, you should totally go to him. but they have like, actually zero knowledge about this world beyond the differing accounts of those theyve happened to bump into? how would they know some lion who isnt even around ever is the rightful ruler of narnia, vs some lady who is actually around? she's got one up on aslan for that. where've you been, buddy. what took you an entire century. aslan SHOULD TOTALLY sound kind of crap because, uh, HE IS?

edmund goes off somehow without anyone noticing and the beavers are like oh yeah saw that one coming, that'll be the magic food. like??? you couldve said. or at least not let him sidle off out the door half an hour ago? for gods sake. and again: if this is magic food rules, why isnt the magical kit-kats the Great Traitor of All Of Narnia! how is the concept of sin fitting into all of this. again, edmund just ran into the wrong person. and lewis is just like no, see, but he deserves this because he is irritable and childish and mean. CHILDREN LEWIS!!! HAVE YOU HEARD OF THAT!!!

apparently edmund meanders all the way to the white witches place b/c all the time the entirety of narnia seems to be a couple of miles across or a few hundred miles, depending on whats convenient to the story. the moral of narnia's weird lore is that its only as consistent as cs lewis feels like making it, which is sometimes Completely Bewildering when he just sort of throws stuff out there but moves the narration right along. presumably he wasnt expecting this to operate on the rules that any of this would be regarded with any level of analysis, since tolkien was a contemporary and not a predecessor. but still, dude, get your story straight? especially within the same book.

and anyways also, again! the magic food rules come up. because that is meant to be edmunds motivation, besides just being petty. he is magically bound to the fig newtons. which is i guess meant to explain away him literally going the extra mile for this witch shit, but also still letting him be blamed for that, since he is being SUCH a jerk, see kids? dont act less than chipper at your terrible life unless you want to take your soul's rightful place as the devils property, moreso than literally anyone else in all of narnia? alright. this books plot points are just a bit like.......ok

the other kids definitely have no option but to trust their choice in "trust the first people we bump into." luckily its uh...its fine. but wtf

who is narnia santa!!!!! how can there be a dude based on a saint? does narnia have the concept of saints? is he a dead guy???? i can slightly accept that narnia has a christmas in that maybe that comes from the dude who was made king at its birth being a random english cabbie, i suppose maybe this guy was like "fuck it, its christmas and you're going to like it." but do narnians know what xmas is about at all??? canonly aslan is actually just also jesus in the england-world, but did the cabbie king know that? did he explain the concept of jesus? does monotheistic narnia also accept the concept of a separate god existing in another universe, or are they all also assuming aslan=jesus? but this isnt as confusing as the santa guy. is he like how there's wizards running around? this is so weird. what magic shit would edmund have got. wouldnt it have been nice or at least useful for santa to have given the other pevensies whatever he was going to have given edmund. does that boy also not get xmas presents because he is on the naughty list. bad month for edmund

speaking of edmund, he honestly sort of disappears from the book as soon as he has the realization that the witch is mean :( despite the plot of rest of the book being essentially centered around him? and him finally being in a position for the narration to stop talking about what a cruel cruel monster he is? ok

aslan is just a dick not only for leaving narnia on its own for ages but also just personality wise. rude to the children. they are all like "aslan our brother" and aslan is like "shut up about your brother already, i'll do something about it if i want to but if i dont want to he deserves whatever's coming to him." like? have a little patience for the reasonable questions and uncertainties of these kids, ffs

how is this massive climate shift not fucking shit up like, ecologically. does anyone own shorts at this point? how are plants alive. its magic

oh yeah, forgot that there was that bit in the white witches statue garden of death where edmund straight up thought this one lion he saw must be aslan. wasnt he also getting figurative cold feet until he saw that, also? again, in these circumstances, how was he meant to know that WASN'T aslan and that the witch wasnt the one who was right. shrug! but now another total coincidence is whats driving edmund to go say hey to the witch again instead of backing out of her creepy house. see you in hell ed

back to aslan........uhhh when a wolf attacks susan, who is like, dangling precariously from a branch in fear of her life, aslan orders the skilled warriors not to save susan asap, but instead to let this 13 yr old holding a sword for the first time mosey on over and have a one on one fight with this talking wolf. sure, aslan knows the situation is under control. but the people who dont know?? are these kids in mortal peril? aslan is such a dick. he shouldnt be putting these children in these positions of Leader Of My Army Now, Go Into Actual Combat. but thats just how he rolls. trial by fire, dweebs

oh yeah and since the chance happens to arrive he sends some people to go get edmund back. thanks for bothering to rescue a child! gods sake

then he has a nice long talk with edmund about never being annoyed with your siblings or theres literal hell to pay, i guess! whatever. at least he's paying attention to him for a moment instead of just handing him a sword and telling him not to complain. thanks? telling his siblings not to be dicks about it all is also very mature of him. and apparently necessary since again, cough, peter? getting mad at edmund for being petty and immature maybe shouldnt have involved sniping at him a ton and ignoring him to the point he just left for an hour before anyone was like, wasnt there more of you. lord. im just saying, maybe everyone needs to mature a bit before they are monarchs

psych!! these kids are ready for anything now

except for the bit where the witch comes and demand edmund's head, since...........................i guess she was trying to play the long con? by hoping aslan would do the ol switcheroo? or maybe she was just mad and wanting a good ritualistic murder. but despite the whole damn book being about this explanation of the crucifixion of jesus, it.........doesnt really make sense within the god damn Lore. she has claim to edmunds life because he is a Traitor? to whom? the witch straight up lied to him abt what she wanted to do with his siblings, so how was he meant to have betrayed them if he hadnt known what she intended to do? how can he betray someone if it was the fault of the Law Of The Magic Almond Joy? sure, he lied and snuck around and was pissy and all, but how is that on a level above any other number of stunts other narnians are sure to have pulled. she has narnian spies? arent they traitors? does she have to formally make the claim for the "i get to kill the traitor or narnia is destroyed b/c The Lore, Fuck You" for it to come into effect? is edmund just called a traitor for the strategy of it all, since the humans have to be alive to defeat her. but on what grounds

also, who agreed to give her that authority of traitor-killer? why does that role exist. what. whomst. lewis, explain this?

again like.....how are the children on their own for this bit, either. there is no sympathy for being children in lewisverse

ok and uhhhh? aslan leaving on the night before a battle w/o like....telling anyone? they wouldnt even have known he'd died if a dryad hadnt have been like "you'll never guess this shit." i guess omniscience or whatever. but for fucks sake, peter outranks everyone else in the army just because he's human? he doesn't know shit! you made him fight a wolf! whatever. why even put the humans in battle if you need them to live. whatever

susan and lucy of course have to witness this aslancide until they also witness this resurrection. cool. but the thing is that like? sure aslan couldve just flat out let edmund die, but besides the fact that theres the whole prophecy thing to mean that the kids need to live, but also, he was sort of backed into a corner re: having to die himself because of some technicality in narnia's rulebook? i get that this wasnt meant to be completely an allegory so much as just "gateway christianity drug" but wasnt the jesus bit supposed to be done just totally as a favor or whatever. aslan was sort of just strategizing as far as we know. like, is edmund representing The Sins Of All Humanity, or is he out here like "if jesus dying wouldve saved just one person it wouldve happened all the same"? either way, it makes it seem like aslan HAS to do this whole dying thing out of "so the world doesnt end" vs choosing to out of being cool abt it. i mean......not that uh jesus was supposed to have been psyched up abt his death. but you know what im getting at here. whatever, the Lore

again, the battle seems to be happening like, five miles from the witches house? coz everyone from the statues just makes the journey with aslan in one go. what are the scales here, lewis!!

aslan shows up in time to just kill the white witch himself, with his god lion teeth? how gross must that have been. also! he couldve done that at any time!!! but prophecy whatever sighhhhhhhh

its funny that lucy gets impatient with aslan for interrupting her moment of "can i make sure my brother isnt dead" and he gets impatient with her about that? shes in like preschool. also, you have healing powers!!!! so says uhhh.....the next book? or the one after. and anyone can use that magic elixer. and can you stop being so damn testy abt these childrens concerns for each other's lives!!!

theyre monarchs now, and aslan just fucks off. he couldve bothered to say goodbye, if people dont happen to see him meander off, how do they even know if he left or is just hanging around somewhere? seeing as he just snuck off overnight and died without letting anyone know. but more importantly he's again left this country entirely on its own save for these kids who know nothing except that they better be nice to each other or some random magical law might come into effect where someone gets to knock on their door and demand their kidneys or the world ends.

for real though! this is like, a country coming out of a crappy period and now in a wild transitional period and the only leaders are these kids who just showed up who have never been here before in their lives. how are they meant to manage a natl economy? its not mentioned here (is it) but theres an entire other racist-caricature-mashup of a country to the south already? how are they at diplomacy between two countries they know nothing abt. how will they form policies! they are 11! what tf is narnias infrastructure, beyond "sparse." where did the line to the throne go? was there always direct descendants to the first king in archenland, which by the way also exists with people in it b/c fuck you. i guess so...i forget where caspian comes from.

fun fact, when my sister and her friend went to disney world some yrs ago, they took a pic with a dude playing caspian a la the films, whom looked a lot like the actual actor, aka a total babe. its a great photo

anyways ummm. see the entire narnian govt just disappears? which i suppose they figure out when the four of them just leave and never come back. i suppose its lucky the narnians assumed it was magic and not regicide. because, if you live in narnia? fuck you. honestly what did they do in the aftermath. nobody nonhuman is even allowed to be a ruler. do they have like, other elevated positions? was there no regulation. coz thats alright but the series implies that narnia is always supposed to have a king around in order for things to go well. ok

so uh its govtless i guess until what, these people accidentally stumble upon a portal to narnia and become the telmarines who take over narnia? but not rightfully i guess, because even though theyre humans, they were probably insufficiently noble about it. or just not aslan-approved. honestly ok where tf did the calormenes come from? another portal? why did they restrict themselves to a certain region? why did narnia not encompass the entire world? why did you need to be white and english to be christian. i know this is a case of just introducing things that dont make sense but moving the story along before anyone asks questions but uh..........louie

Also How Tf Are These Kids Going From Grown Adult Monarchs To 10 Yr Old Schoolchildren In 1940s England Again over the course of like 10 seconds. before they left this clowns didnt even recognize the damn lantern! how do you forget that ever. ridiculous

where the "put in what you want and dont bother explaining it unles you feel like it" strategy is really fun is with that lantern, imo. on account of he just put it in as a Fuck You Buddy to tolkien, which is funny. good job

but really how are you not even going to devote a single sentence to that fucked up transition these kids? adults in kids bodies? kids with the memories of what it is like to have become and been adults until just a second ago? are going through. like...............ok. do they have to larp being normal children for a while. It's Magic, Fuck You

aslan is just.....kind of a jerk!

this book teaches you nothing

The Lore

the end

[uberff]

Chapter 1

                                                      Jaylen

My boy had just bailed me out a few hours ago and I was honestly ready to get home. I been in this hell hole for 6 months. I was supposed to have 2 years, but I got left off early cause of good behavior.

Every day and every night I been wondering what baby girl been doing. I sent her hundreds of letters,  called plenty of times and she never wrote back or answered to any. Ain’t put money on my books, none of that shit. I mean yea, she used to be on my ass about this dope shit but damn you that mad to ignore me for 6 months?

Part of me was thinking that she moved on and been fucking another nigga, but I just knew she wouldn’t do that to me. After all the shit I did for her? Nah, she couldn’t.

I loved her too much to let her go. I hated that she had that affect on me.

“Yo, take me to my girl’s place.” I mumbled to Odell because I knew she’d be there.

Reaching under the mat for the spare key, I unlocked the door with no problem. Shutting the door behind me, it indeed smelled like her in here. She smells fruity and shit all the time.

Smiling as I made my way upstairs, it was quiet as a mouse so I knew she had to be sleeping. Opening the door to her room, I watched her peacefully she slept.

Walking over to her, I started planting kisses on her neck. “J-jaylen?” She said as she woke up looking beautiful as always. I couldn’t even be mad at her no more.

“Yea, baby I’m home.” I smiled as I sat down next to her.

She sighed as put her head in her hands. “Jaylen I’m really sorry..” she apologized as I chuckled and waved her off.

“It’s fine, as long as you here now I’m good.” I explained as she shook her head. She rose the blanket up a little and I noticed something different about her.

That’s when all hell broke loose…

She was the ONLY girl I’ve ever been in a relationship with. She was my first everything. She fucked me over so many times and my ass was too blind to see that. Everyone kept telling me not to fuck with her, because she was no good but I just had to have her. I think that’s what made me want her even more.

And I hate the fact that I still got mad love for her. She could stab my ass and I’d still love her. Shits crazy.

I really had a big ass heart and I hated that. I always made sure everyone was straight and I cared about people too fucking much. May not show it, but I do.

Adding the last few finishing touches to the wall I was painting, I took a drag out of my blunt. Normally, I would just stay in and paint all day but I deserved to be spoiled even though I just went shopping yesterday.

I’ve been painting all my life, but I didn’t get serious about it until my teenage years. It was just something I’d do on the side. I sold dope for a while, and to be honest it wasn’t for me. After a nigga was behind bars for 6 months, I wasn’t trying to go back to that shit, so I had to change my life around ASAP.

It’s not even just that, the shit was just too much. Nigga couldn’t even go to bed without thinking somebody was gone wet my ass up. Shit, sleep wasn’t in my vocabulary.

After what felt like forever, I finally got a few of a my paintings to be in different museums and I started getting calls left and right. I can’t even lie, it does bring good money but I do it because I love it. I couldn’t see myself doing anything else.

Since I was starving, took it upon myself to start making some delightful breakfast. Me being the king I am, I deserve that shit.

When I went into the kitchen, I looked into the refrigerator only to face nothing. “Damn, who the fuck been eating all my shit?” I sucked my teeth. Greedy fucks.

“Oh me.” I chuckled to myself as I realized I was the only person that lived here. I gotta go to the grocery store ASAP.

Throwing on a polo jumpsuit and some slides, I snatched my keys off of the counter, and made my way to the car. The drive wasn’t long cause the store was literally around the corner.

As I made my way into the store, I wasted no time putting shit in the basket. I wasn’t trying to be in here that long.

Landing on the cereal aisle first, I was about to go for some Fruity Pebbles until some bitch decided to grab it.

“Yoooo,” I said, scratching the back of my head. She looked at me with this fake ass confused look. Bitches be begging to get smacked.

“I know you just didn’t play me like that. This gotta be a joke.” I chuckled as she smirked but quickly hid it when I noticed.

“What ar-”

“Fuck you, you saw me about to grab that box. I don’t know why you all of a sudden trying to be fancy today. Every time I see you on this aisle you get fucking Dyno-Bites.” I spat as I stormed off with the cart. I see this bitch on the same aisle every time I come here. She did that shit on purpose.

“Done fucked up my morning..” I mumbled to myself as I checked my watch.

I had a long way to go.

**

“Fuck,” I cursed to myself as some of the groceries I had fell out the bags. That’s what I get for trying to carry all this shit at once. I didn’t wanna make multiple trips carrying all these damn bags.

“Hey, did you s-” I heard a feminine voice say causing me to suck my teeth. Females were always popping up on me left and right and that shit was annoying sometimes.

“Man you see me over here about to lose my fucking life trying to carry these groceries, wait damn.” I spat as I struggled to open the door. When I finally got it open, I sighed out of relief.

“Look, it ain’t my fault that you couldn’t carry these baby ass groceries. Maybe you should consider going to a gym. I just came over here to ask if my phone was still in your car.” She spat. I don’t know where these balls that she just grew and from. Any other time, I would’ve cursed her ass out for talking to me like I’m a bitch, but I ignored her ass. I need to put these groceries up, fuck her.

Carrying everything into the house, it took me about 20 minutes to put all this shit up. I should be good for about 3 weeks. I literally sit in this bitch and eat all day. There’s mostly junk food, cause I don’t do no cooking over here.

Going into the living room, I noticed the girl was sitting on my couch. “Yo,” I said as she looked up. It was Odell’s sister.

“Yo,” she mimicked me causing me to suck my teeth. This hoe..

“Im trying to figure out why you still here..”

“Dude, I been asked you if you seen my phone.” She rolled her eyes. I hate when females do that.

“Maybe if you were more responsible you’d have your stupid ass phone.” I shot at her as she waved me off. She was clearly irresponsible as hell.

Driving far out without putting gas in her car, and leaving her phone in a stranger’s vehicle. I should’ve sold her shit.

“Can you just give it to me?” She rolled her eyes as I did the same. Odell better keep her away from me, I do not like her. “Fine..” I heard her mumble as she walked into the kitchen and snatched my keys off of the island.

Grabbing her arm, “Da fuck you going with my keys girl?” She looked at me like I was crazy.

“The car.” She said before pushing me away from her. She pushed me like she was the strongest nigga in the world.

Forgetting that she had my keys, I cursed to myself and followed her outside. When she reached my car, she unlocked the passenger side and bent over to look for her phone. I got a glimpse of her ass, and noticed she wasn’t wearing no panties underneath her dress. I gotta say.. dat booty was extraterrestrial.

“There’s your punk ass keys, Jerrod.” She said as she tossed them into the seat and left the door open for me. How petty. She could’ve just nicely handed them to me.

“Fuck is Jerrod?” I asked once I realized she just called me another nigga’s name. I don’t know who Jerrod is but it ain’t me.

“Ain’t that your name?” She asked as I stared at her for a few seconds contemplating on if I should curse her out or not.

“Get out my face.” I waved her off as I went over to my car to grab my keys.

Once she was out of my sight, I thanked God and proceeded to go back into my place.

Plopping down on the couch, I hugged loudly. I been running errands all day, I need a bad ass massage. I bought groceries, dropped off a few paintings, picked up some new painting equipment, then I had to buy a new phone cause I cracked mines for the 48th time. A nigga was exhausted, but I just couldn’t bring myself to fall asleep yet.

Grabbing my phone out of my pocket, I shot Odell a text because I was bored.

Me: wya hoe

Dell: taking Jayla out for ice cream

Me: stop playing wit me

Dell: 😂leaving a meeting, why?

Me: niggas is bored

Dell: I’ll come entertain u 😏

Me: bitch 😂👉🏽🚮

Dell:  😂but nah jus come to my crib

Me: say no more I’ll be there in 5

Sliding my phone back in my pocket, I went in the kitchen to look for some fruit snacks. I could literally eat a whole box of these bitches all at once. I fucking love fruit snacks more than anything.

Once I grabbed a few out of the box, I put them back in the cabinet before grabbing my keys. I leave my shit unlocked all the time because I stay losing my keys.

Since O lived next door, I just stepped over and twisted the doorknob. I tried to open it but it was locked causing me to suck my teeth. I told this nigga I’d be here in 5. Knocking on the door, the door swung open a few seconds later.

“My bad, I got caught up in something.”

“Whatever, what we eating?” I asked as I kicked off my Gucci slides. A nigga seriously ain’t had nothing but a smoothie all day. Not even gonna lie, that smoothie did hit the spot.

“My sister cooking some shit, I don’t know.” He shrugged as I sucked my teeth and waved him off. She look like she can’t cook.

“Nigga I’ll pass. She might try to poison me.”

“Fine by me.” He chuckled as he turned on the game. I wasn’t a Cowboys nor Vikings fan so I didn’t really care for this game.

Hearing footsteps coming down the stairs, I turned around to see who it was. Odell was too into the game to notice.

My eyes met with Robyn’s as she tried to sneak out in her thot-ish attire.

Smirking, I tried to think of ways I could get O’s attention. “Wow, going out in that tiny dress in this type of weather?” I asked loudly as Odell’s head quickly snapped in Robyn’s direction. She looked good as hell though no lie.  She had on a red dress, that hugged her shape perfectly. She was thick as fuck. Fuck her though.

“Rob I’m bout to beat yo ass.”  He said as he turned the game off. You know he was mad as shit if he turned the game off. He wouldn’t even turn it off if Beyoncé was standing in front of it.

“What I tell you about that shit?” He barked at her and seconds later they started arguing causing me to snicker.

He was in the kitchen fussing at her for about 5 minutes. I could tell he was real over protective over her, cause he was the same with my little sister.

“Thanks a lot, snitch.” She rolled her eyes at me as I smirked. She went in the kitchen to start cooking while O came back and started playing on his phone. “Whatchu’ playing?”

“Pool, why? You tryna getcho’ ass whooped?” He said as I smirked. I don’t even know why he always made bets with me, because I won every time. I ain’t exaggerating neither, I literally won every single time.

“Hell yea, 1k right now.”

“Wasting money..” I heard Rob mutter from the kitchen. I told y'all she talks too much. This was an A and B conversation.

“Mind yo business and cook our food.” I barked as I heard her suck her teeth. I don’t know where the fuck she came from, but she seriously needs to go back. Me and O been rocking for years and I ain’t heard shit bout no Robyn.

Trying to get my mind off of her, I went to my snap chat and started putting filters on Odell. I always catch him slipping. “Ima fuck you up bitch, I know you recording me.” He said as I put my phone down laughing.

Since that nigga wasn’t entertaining me like he said he would be, I put Friday in. You could never go wrong with this movie. Straight classic.

Thinking about what I could get myself into tonight, I sent a text to one of my best clients. Her name in my phone was isis cause her shit was just the bomb.

Me: wyd tonight

Isis💣: ima be with my daughter

Sucking my teeth, I left her on R and looked up at the TV since the movie was starting. I guess I’ll just stay here in this shit hole with these two nut ass niggas.

**

“Food’s ready!” I heard Robyn yell out. Took her forever to make this shitty as food. Her food better be magical.

“Bout time Batman.” I rolled my eyes as I got up to wash my hands.

“Now you know that’s not my name.” She rolled her eyes as me causing me to laugh.

After washing our hands, we all sat at the table and said our grace. Since I was mad hungry, I immediately dug in and moaned in my head because I didn’t want her to hear. Her food was actually banging.

Taking a bite of the chicken she made, I regretted it. “Damn, shit’s hella spicy.” I coughed as I tried to clear my throat but that made it even worse. I had a love and hate relationship with spicy food. Somebody’s gonna have a war on the toilet tonight.

“Ooops, added a little extra spice to yours.”  She said as she started laughing a little. Nodding to myself, I started to plot on how I could get her ass back. Hoe could’ve gave me a fucking heart problem.

“Yea.. blame it on the spice. I was wondering why this shit was so nasty.” I said before I fake accidentally dropped it all over the floor. Her mouth formed into the shape of an O. Yea that’s right.

“Clean it up coke whore.” I winked at her as I got up from the table and went back in the living room. Her face was priceless.

“I ain’t picking this up, so..”

“I ain’t either. This your house.” I shrugged as I kicked my feet up on the table and put my hands behind my head.

“All I know is, one of you niggas better pick this shit up by the time I get out the shower.” Odell said as he had licked his fingers. He finished his food in like 3 minutes and she made a feast. Fried chicken, fried corn, mac and cheese casserole, biscuits, and greens. The shit was actually good, which is why I’m mad she did that fuck shit to my chicken. I barely get to have a home cooked meal ever since moms passed. I swear her food tasted just like my moms but I wasn’t gonna tell her stupid ass that.

“Chop chop Jaylen, pick it up.” She clapped her hands, snapping me out of my thoughts. I was only about to pick it up cause of Odell and I ain’t no childish nigga.

About 10 minutes of cleaning everything up, I huffed loudly. That was the longest 10 minutes of my life.

“Want some sweet tea? It’s nice and coooooold.” She asked smiling as she held a cup out. Side eyeing her, “What yo scheming ass do to it?” I asked walking over to her.

“Nothing I swear, I just feel bad since you started choking so I made you something to drink..” she shrugged as I snatched the cup out of her hand. She knew what she was doing when she added all that spice to my shit. Trying to kill a nigga.

Taking a sip out of the tea, she was eyeing me the whole time. “Is it good?” She asked smiling. Nodding my head, I took the cup and went back into the living room because I still didn’t want to be around her.  If I die tonight, it’s probably because she put something in this tea.

Going to Odell’s room, I looked in his drawer to see if he still had those blunts that I hid. I needed to get high ASAP, his sister was stressing me out.

Sighing once I didn’t find anything, I looked around and noticed a brownie on the nightstand. I knew it wasn’t no regular brownie either. Smirking, I got a piece of it and ate it. This should be interesting.

Plopping down on the couch, I closed my eyes and relaxed while I finished watching the movie. After what felt like forever, I heard Odell get out the shower.

Looking around at my surroundings, I felt as if I was being lifted off of the ground.

“Yo,” I chuckled loudly because I knew the brownie had kicked in.

“Nigga what’s wrong wit you?” Odell asked as he walked in and sat on the bean bag that was in the corner. My mind was all over the place.

“Yo…” I said, trying to get his attention.

“Who closes the bus door after the bus driver gets off?” I asked as he started stroking his beard. “Damn bruh, I don’t know.” He chuckled.

“Scoot over.” Robyn said as she moved my feet to the side a little bit. She could’ve sat on the floor like the peasant she is.

“Can you hand me the remote?”

“I literally can’t move.” I laughed, telling the truth. It felt like someone was holding my body down. Everything was moving so slow.

Reaching over me, her ass was on my thighs and it felt like sticks were poking me. “Damn G, is yo ass made of sticks?” I said lowly.

“Shut up.” She rolled her eyes.

“Damn, will y'all shut up? Trying to watch the rest of the movie.” Odell complained as I laughed. Any other time we would’ve started arguing but I’m chilling right now.

While the movie was almost over, Odell had went to go hit up his boo so now I was stuck with his annoying ass sister.

Looking over at her, she was laid back snoring like a fucking man. You would’ve thought she was somebody’s uncle the way she was snoring. I’d hate to sleep next to her.

Just as I was bout to get up, she ended up falling over on me. Not caring that she was laying on me, I still got up to go get something to drink because my mouth was dry as shit.

Going in the kitchen to pour me a cup of water, I ended up spilling it all on the floor. “Damn clumsy ass.” I mumbled to myself. This is why they invented water bottles, because of clumsy niggas like me.

Hearing Robyn’s footsteps, I swear I was that Mr Krabs meme pic. I forgot to warn her about the water so in no time she slipped and fell. “Ow! Did you do this on purpose?!” She yelled as she touched her lip and realized it was bleeding. I tried to speak, but nothing was coming out of my mouth.

Before anything else could happen, she threw a ball at me before groaning and storming up the stairs. Fuck, I had to kiss her ass before she told Odell.

Sighing because I didn’t want to do this, I got up and made my way up the stairs. I could hear sniffling come from one room, so I’m guessing that room was hers.

Opening the door, I noticed the light was off except the one in the bathroom with the door creaked open. Making my way towards the bathroom, I walked in to see her cleaning her lip.

Either I’m tripping or she had a twin.

“Y'all good?” I asked as they looked away from the mirror to me. Jodie rolled her eyes and went back to what she was doing.

“Who is y'all?” She asked looking at me like I was crazy.

Looking at her confusingly I rubbed my eyes before shaking my head. I was tripping.

“Look, I know we may not like each other, but you my nigga’s sister so I couldn’t just leave you up here crying. Besides, I don’t wanna hear his mouth.” I said as she chuckled causing a smile to slowly creep on my face. I quickly wiped it away. I ain’t with this friendly shit.

“Thanks..” she mumbled, as she finally turned around to look at me. “Did you really do that, though? I won’t waste no time beating your a-” she said before I cut her off.

“Nah, I was trying to get some water but I wasted it on the floor.”

“Why’re you being nice right now?” She asked as I started to tell her why but I stopped.

“I’m high..” I shrugged as she chuckled. I never really talk to girls for this long so she’s lucky. I’m only doing this cause she busted her fat ass lip.

Just as I was about to go for the door, she stopped me. “Can you stay until O gets back?” She asked as I scrunched up my face. Why would I spend my night with her on this lovely Saturday? I could be at my crib in the jacuzzi tub, getting my dick wet while another broad feeding me grapes. Well pineapples because ion really fuck wit grapes.

“He probably ain’t coming back til the morning.. plus I got shit to do.” I said as I tried to leave again but she stopped me. Damn, I should’ve left right after O left.

“Please, I really hate being here by myself. I just wanted to talk, I’m bored.” She said as she started battering her eyelashes. It only worked because she was kinda pretty.

Rolling my eyes, I sat down at the edge of her bed. It was silent for a few minutes, before she started talking.

“What’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to you?” She asked. Looking back at her, she gave me one of those smiles that white people give you when you look at them causing me to laugh.

Without thinking twice, I shrugged before answering. “Falling in love…” The room grew quiet. That wasn’t the worst thing that’s ever happened to me, but I didn’t wanna talk about the real answer.

“Wanna talk about it?”

“I just think I loved my ex waaaaay more than she loved me. Hell, I still love her ass.” I explained as I felt her hand rest on my shoulder. I got this little feeling when she did that. Maybe it’s just the weed. Yea, Ima go with that.

“We’ve all been there..” She assured me as I nodded. Her voice was mad soothing. I don’t know why, but her annoying ass really reminded me of my mom.

“What about you though?” I said, looking back at her. She was putting her hair up in my bun. “Losing my parents..” she started off. Shit tell me about it..

“When I lost them, it’s like I lost myself.. they died right in front of me and I swear it haunts me all the time because I could’ve stopped it. That’s why I’m scared to stay by myself at times..” she said, looking down at her fingers.

“Sorry for you lost..”

“Thanks.” She said as she looked up at me and gave me a small smile before looking back down. “I lost my mom too.”  I spoke up as she looked up at me again. I was trying so terribly hard to avoid this topic.

“Every one loved her. She was so beautiful and sweet. You never seen her without a smile on her face. She made every body feel welcomed. The whole hood loved my moms. She really looked out for everybody..” I explained while smiling. I really had the best mom anyone could ask for. She would welcome anyone in her home. Anytime she cooked, she made sure the whole neighborhood was eating. She played with the kids in the neighborhood, everything.

“I remember coming home everyday and the house always smelled all fruity. She always smelled like that.” I smiled, chuckling. I would give anything just to have my mom back. I miss her like crazy.

“How’d she pass?” She asked as I closed my eyes.

“Car accident..”

Looking over at her, both of our eyes met. She was leaning in to kiss me and the inner me was saying to kiss her but the other part was saying don’t. No Bryson Tiller.

Crashing my lips into hers, the kiss started to get intense until I thought about her. Instantly pulling away, I grabbed my shit and got up. My high went away instantly. What the fuck am I doing?

“Jaylen I’m s-”

“This what I get for being nice..” I sighed before leaving out of her room. I don’t even know why I came up here, I don’t like her.

I could hear her calling my name, but I really wasn’t trying to fuck with her.

Shutting the door behind myself, I walked next door to my apartment. Thanking God that it wasn’t locked, I walked in with no problem.

Feeling a little short of breath, I sucked my teeth. Can’t even walk around for 10 seconds without my asthma fucking up. I don’t even know where my inhaler is, I stay losing those.

Once I got out of the shower, I put on all my daily hygiene materials before hitting the sheets. Grabbing my phone off of the charger, I noticed different text messages from people but one of them caught my eye. It was my ex’s number.

2135643654: Jaylen I really need you right now…

Me: nah G, I ain’t what u need.  what u need is Jesus 🏽

2135643654: seriously

Me: what is it dickhead

Closing my eyes as I waited for her to text back, I started dosing off a lil bit. Before I could actually fall asleep, there was knocking on my door.

Sucking my teeth, I got out of bed and grabbed a pair of boxers and slid into them before going to see who was at the door. When I swung the door open, I was ready to curse here out before I seen how red and puffy her eyes were.

Before I could say anything, she fell right into my arms and started crying. A nigga started feeling bad instantly. The bitch in me was coming out. “Yo, wassup?” I asked in her ear as I locked the door and picked her up.

She shook her head no, and I furrowed my eyebrows. Sitting her down on my bed, I started to strip her out of her clothes. “Go to bed.” I said to her as I tossed her clothes on the floor.

Climbing under the covers with her, I started to get comfortable but she started pulling on the band of my boxers.

“I don’t thin-” I started to say but she cut me off by kissing me.

Odell

I know we just got outta practice and shit, but it was hella musty around here. Niggas be musty like they don’t sell deodorant.

Throwing my duffle bag over my shoulders, I sniffed under my arms and scrunched up my face. Damn it was me.

“Yea nigga, that’s yo musty ass.” Jaylen said as he pushed me away from him. There wasn’t a day where this nigga ain’t talk shit. Praying for the day he wakes up and won’t be able to say anything.

He was my guy though. We been at this since middle school days. My moms used to fuck wit his pops so we was around each other a lot. I couldn’t stand him at first, but we ended up getting along. One thing I can say about him is that if you his people’s, he gone make sure you straight.

“Fuck up, I was in practice for 2 hours, what you expect?”

“I expect you to take a bad ass shower when you get in da crib, that’s what I expect.” He said as I chuckled while shaking my head. He came to practice with me and sat on the bleachers talking shit the whole time. What would I do without my nigga Jaylen?

“I am foo.” I said as we both stepped on the elevator.

“I feel like shit bruh.” He said as he leaned his head against the wall. That’s what he gets.

“How?” I sighed, throwing my head back because this elevator always took all day. I really didn’t feel like hearing some dumb shit come outta this nigga’s mouth.

“My asthma.” He said as I sucked my teeth and waved him off. He smoked like every day, and then wanna act surprised when he can’t breathe.

“Quit smoking dude.” I said as the elevator finally opened. When I got off, there was a girl sitting in front of the door. Jaylen looked at me while I shrugged my shoulders.

“Robyn?” I asked, once I seen I noticed it was her sitting in front of the door. She looked cold as hell.

“H-huh?” She stuttered as I helped her up.

“Why you out here?”

“I lost my key, and I didn’t wanna call you because you were in pra-”

“What I tell you bout that? I don’t care what I’m doing, if you need me you need to call me. If you can’t reach me, then you need to call Winter. We talked about this.”   I said, looking down at her. She always did this. She never wanted to call when she needed me. She always tries to do shit herself.

“Ok..” she said, looking down at the ground. I hated when she did that.

“I’m not playing, you understand?” I asked, picking her chin up. Once she nodded, I unlocked the door and stepped aside so she could go in first. She went straight to her room. I knew something was bothering her.

“Where she come from? Like how you know her?” Jaylen asked as he shut the door.

“We went to the same after school program and shit, then we ended up being neighbors. So yea, we hung out a lot then we started getting tight. I was cool wit her parents, she was cool wit mines. So yea, a few years later her parents ended up dying right in front of her and they were the only people she had. She was supposed to be at my crib so we could talk, but she never showed up. And that was the last time I heard from her until a few months ago. I had seen her at one of my games, and she told me she started modeling and shit so she was staying out here for good. I didn’t wanna lose her again, so I asked her to move in with me and here we is now.”

“Damn, almost made a nigga cry.” He fake sniffled.

“You ain’t hear me calling you?” I heard Winter’s voice from behind me. How the hell did she get in here?

“Huh?” I asked, asked she sucked her teeth. I did that on purpose to piss her off. She hated when I huh’d her. She always said if you can huh you can hear.

“Huh? Nigga you heard me, get up.” She said she put her hand on her hip. Winter swore she had me in check. I sure did get my ass up though.

“You just gone let her punk you like that?” Jaylen asked followed with laughter. He found this shit amusing every time Winter bossed me around. She’s lucky I love her mean ass.

“Fuck up.” I mugged him as she grabbed my hand and led me to my room.

“Damn Winter got you whipped.” I heard him laugh before Winter shut the door. He got me fucked up. Nobody got me whipped.

Sitting down on the bed, I stripped out of my shirt and gave Winter all my attention. She was just staring at me.

“You gone talk to me or keep staring?” I asked as she started smiling then her smile fell.

“Why the fuck do you smell like that?” She scrunched up her face as she rose up my arms.

“I was going hard in practice.” I laughed as she shook her head and went in the bathroom to turn on the shower. Damn did I smell that bad?

“Yuck, come on let’s go get you in the shower.” She said as she pulled me up and led me to the bathroom. Stripping out of my clothes, I stopped when I noticed she wasn’t doing the same.

“You not getting in?” I asked her as I grabbed a towel and stepped in.

“No, I’ll take one by myself. I’m on my period.”

“Cool.” I said as I closed the shower curtains.

“Uh uh, who said I couldn’t stare at you?” She asked as she pulled the curtains back then sat back down.

“You gone make me get water all over the floor.” I said as she shrugged.

Shrugging along with her freaky ass, I proceeded to bathe myself while she just watched. I swear Winter was weird as hell. She watched me do everything.

“Damn daddy, das all me.” She smirked as she stared at my body. I wish she wasn’t on her damn period. What a perfect way to start off the New Year.

“All yours baby.” I said before blowing a kiss to her. Her cute ass pretended that she caught it.

“Yo Winter, you haven’t took a shower since last year.” I said as she furrowed her eyebrows out of confusion before sucking her teeth.

“Bye. I’m outta here for that corny ass joke.” She laughed as she walked out of the bathroom. I knew she was gonna do that.

**

“I’m not even mad at your cute self no more. It was all a front so you could dick me down but you ended up leaving anyways.” She said as she jumped on my lap, wrapping her arms around my neck.

We haven’t really been having sex lately cause she’s been busy with work and my coach been on my ass about practice. We finally got to chill last night, but I ended leaving and that’s why she got mad.

She was mad at me for having that party when I left her house. I’m sorry but I wanted to turn up. I literally sit in the house and cuddle with Winter almost everyday so I don’t understand why she got mad. I hardly go out and party. It’s New Years, I didn’t wanna sit in the house.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved spending time with her. She was my fucking baby. It’s just that, I wanted to get fucked up and she doesn’t drink nor smoke. I even invited her to come with me so we could vibe together, but she hated being around big crowds of people. She was shy as hell. I wish she would grow outta that.

“I got you later on. All you had to do was ask.” I smirked as I laid back so she could actually sit on top of me.

“Shut up, I should’ve left your ass in 2016 cause you really had me messed up last night.” She said causing me to chuckle.

“You coming to the game Sunday?” I asked resting my hands behind my head. I know she’s been busy as hell lately with work so I won’t be mad if she said no. I think she got off early that day that’s why I asked.

“Yea, I took off.” She smiled as mines faded. I knew her job was important as hell to her so I didn’t want her taking off for me.

“Baby you ain’t have to do that.”

“It’s fine babe.” She said before giving me a small kiss. Now I know I had to bring my A game since my baby was watching me play. I couldn’t lose in front of her, that was embarrassing.

“Still want me to fuck you? I’m lowkey hungry.” I asked her. I ain’t ate all day and I was starving. Well, I ate like an hour ago but I was still hungry.

“No, I’m on my period remember.” She admitted as I sucked my teeth. I had forgot she said that. No wonder she had this attitude. I had on all white and here she was sitting on my lap.

“Winter I swear to God if there’s one drop of blood on my pants.” I told her as I picked her up and placed her on the floor. Checking to see if there was blood on my pants, I smiled when I came up with nothing.

After she slept in my practice jersey one night and got blood on it, I made sure I bought her the biggest pads there are. We ain’t having no more mishaps over here.

“Boy ain’t nothing gonna get on you since you bought me these bulky ass pads. I’m about to go make something to eat.” She said as she put on some socks and made her way to the kitchen.

Following after her, I ended up just sitting on the couch. Jaylen’s bored ass was still here. I thought he been left. We was up in my room for bout an hour and a half so I don’t know what he been doing.

“Babe, you got pickles?” I heard Winter ask from the kitchen. Before I could reply to her, Jaylen beat me to it.

“No because I ate them. You ask for pickles every where you go.” He said as she sucked her teeth. They had a love and hate relationship. One minute they was taking up for each other then the next, they were arguing.

It was true though, she did ask for pickles literally every where we went. We could go to a funeral, and she’d ask for pickles.

“But was I talking to you Jaylen?” She asked as she came into the living room and stood in front of him. Nobody took her serious when she was mad, because she’s small as hell.

“Doesn’t matter cause I was talking to you Snow.” He always called her Snow to make her mad.

“Odell, you’re not gonna say anything?” She held her mouth open in shock. They wasn’t even giving me a chance to speak.

“Nah he not cause that’s my man.” Jaylen said as he kicked his feet up on the table. If Robyn was in here, she’d be fussing at his ass hard as hell for that.

“Gay bitch.” I chuckled as he waved me off. Looking up at Winter, she was mugging Jaylen the whole time.

“Baby, I’ll go buy you some more pickles now come here.” I told her, trying to prevent them from arguing. I knew she was bound to yell at him.

“I’m starving.” She sighed as she came and sat down next to me.

“Y'all just too cute.” Jaylen said as he started recording us but Winter got up so fast.

“Damn, you got hoes or something?” I laughed as she waved me off. “No, I can’t be on nobody’s snap looking dusty. My braids old as hell.” She said as Robyn came down from her room.

“Hey girl!” Winter squealed. She’s been in her room all day so I knew something was up with her. Knowing her, she wasn’t gonna tell me.

“Hey, I’m about to go to the gas station for snacks. Wanna tag along?”

“Yea might as well go find me a new man at the gas station since Jaylen took O from me.”

“Stop playing wit me.” I told her.

“Bye, I love you.” She said as she and Jodie left before I could even say it back.

“Nigga you in love.” Jaylen said as he put his phone down. I been dating Winter since my LSU days and I had the biggest crush on her forever before that. I didn’t even think she’d like me, but here we are now. She’s mean as hell, but I know she cares about me. She’s been there for me when I was at my lowest points. Hell yea I was in love.

“Yea nigga.” I laughed as he joined with me. “I’m happy for you bro, you growing up.” He stated as I nodded. I was really maturing. Having hoes use to excite me, but now I could care less about that shit.

“I feel like shit bruh.”

“Cause you ain’t shit..” I joked but he didn’t laugh so I knew he was serious. If this nigga says something about smoking Ima slap him.

“Nah foreal, bro.”

“Why?” I asked, giving him my full attention.

“I fucked ole girl.” I don’t think I heard him correctly if he said he fucked ole girl. Ole girl was one specific girl that only we had a name for.

“YOU WHAT?!” I yelled, standing up. I knew Jay’s history with her. She was cool but that nigga was way into the relationship more than she was. I kept telling him to leave her alone cause she just wanted to play him but he never listens. Him fucking her just proves that she got him wrapped around her finger. I don’t see how he still loved her after what she was doing while he was locked up.

“I smashed her bruh..” he groaned as he ran his hands over his face.

“What happened?” I sighed.

“She came over crying so I fucked her to sleep.” He stated plain and simple as I chuckled and shook my head in disappointment.

“Bruh, you gotta stop falling for her shit. That girl be using you.” I told him for the 10000000th time. I guess he just gone have to find out the hard way.

“I wasn’t even gone let her in at first but she started crying and you know I’m a bitch when she start crying.” He explained causing me to roll my eyes.

“Fuck that, let that hoe cry.”

“You right, you right.” He said as he sat up.

“You my brother, I can’t let you be out here looking dumb. You too cute for that.” I joked as he looked over at me and busted out laughing.

“Fam,” He paused to cough, flicking me off. The door opened, and Robyn and Winter were back.

“I’m back! And Jaylen you better not ask for my pickles!” Winter smiled as she started smacking on the pickle she was eating.

“Damn did y'all fly? Quick ass trip y'all took.” Jaylen asked.

“Nah I’m a beast when it comes to driving.” Winter stuck her tongue out as I sucked my teeth.

“Girl please, you gone have bout 5 tickets in the mail Odell cause she ran hella red lights.” Robyn said as my smile fell.

“What? Who told you to drive my car?” I asked as Winter tried to look the other way. That’s probably why she left in a rush cause she grabbed my keys. I never let her drive my car cause she’s literally the worst driver ever. Jaylen drives better than her and he barely knows how.

“I love you.” She said hugging me, trying to change the subject. I’ll talk to her about that shit later.

“I love your hard headed ass too.” I kissed her forehead, pulling her closer to me.

“Must be nice.” Robyn sang in the same tone as Lyfe Jennings causing all of us to laugh. “Nah foreal.” Jaylen mumbled as Rob looked over at him. When he looked at her, she looked away. What the hell?

“I-I’m bout to go, I just remembered that I gotta finish these designs.” Jaylen stuttered as he got up and went straight for the door.

“What was that?” I asked Robyn as she shrugged, putting a hand full of fruit snacks in her mouth.

“Awww, he got nervous when Robyn looked at him.” Winter smiled as she waved her off.

“Rob, you wanna go to the movies wit me and Winter?” I asked as I stood up because I knew Robyn hated staying here alone. Plus, we all been dying to see Almost Christmas. Hopefully that bitch was still in theaters.

“Yea, let me get my coat.” She said as she ran up to her room. I knew we were about to have fun. Especially since we were going to IHOP afterwards. Jaylen missing out.

Robyn

It was about 7am, and here I was wide awake cleaning. I loved cleaning up. It made me… calm. Plus, living with Odell you have no choice but to clean. He can be messy sometimes but most of the time, he’s a neat freak. It always had to spotless around here. I didn’t mind though.

He was the best brother anyone could ask for. He wasn’t my blood brother, but I still considered him as family. We were tight as hell back then and we still are now.

“Why it’s always cold over here? Damn, I’m bout to go home.” I heard Jaylen’s voice. He was always over here, like 24/7.

I hated that they were so close, because that meant that I had to see him all the time. I felt like the biggest dumb ass for kissing him that night. I’m normally not even that comfortable with people I barely know, so I don’t know why I did that.

Pushing the thought of him to the back of my head, I slid into a pair of shorts because I was about to go take the trash out. “Oh shit,” I smirked to myself in the mirror as I struggled to pull my shorts over my butt.

“Girl, let me find out you trying to get thick.” I mumbled to myself sticking my tongue out as I turned around to look at my butt. Had to be all the soul food I been eating lately.

Finally getting them to come over my butt, I turned the light off in the bathroom and made my way into the living room. I was met with some loud music blasting throughout the living room.

“Girl, nobody care about that ugly ass promise ring Odell got you years ago.” I heard Jaylen say to Winter while I laughed to myself.

She always flashed her ring and acted as if they were married but I found it really cute. If someone gave me a promise ring, I’d do the same thing tbh.

“Shut your lonely ass up. You need a fucking girl friend, miserable ass.” Winter barked at him as he waved her off. He completely ignored her and turned his music back up.

“Damn, that’s that bump.” I heard Jaylen say. I hate the fact that he just left me yesterday.

“Nigga I just got some food from this bad ass joint up the street, I had to save you some!” I heard him yell out as he started walking towards Odell. He looked at me, but then looked away when he noticed I was looking at him.

He’s been acting as if I didn’t exist ever since I kissed him that one night. I don’t even know why I did that. To be honest, he was just looking so good at the moment and I thought it was the right thing to do since we were vibing. There was something telling me to kick him out when he came in my room in the first place. I’m tired of niggas tbh. They’re so stressful.

“You a real one.” I heard Odell laugh as they both walked out of the living room and went into the kitchen.

“Shit’s bomb.” I heard Odell say with with a mouth full of food. He ate at least 100 times a day. If he didn’t work out everyday, he’d be as big as a house.

“Rob, you want some of this?!” He yelled out as I looked back to see him and Jaylen looking at me. I noticed that he shaved his struggle beard.

“No.” I yawned.

Sighing out of relief, I got up to stretch. My throat was pretty dry, I could use some orange juice or something.

Walking over to the kitchen, I sucked my teeth once I seen the grease from their fingers dropping onto the floor. I literally just cleaned up when I woke up this morning. Shaking my head, I opened the refrigerator and seen all types of other drinks but my orange juice. Weird, because I just put some in here this morning.

Looking over towards these two pigs, I scrunched up my face once I seen Jaylen drinking out of my orange juice like he payed for it. “I know you not drinking out of my juice.” I said as I walked over to him.

“Lol.” He said as he stopped drinking it. “I ain’t know it was yours girl, chill wit da attitude.” He said smiling.

Something was seriously wrong with this dude.

“You’re buying me another one.” I told him as I rolled my eyes and left to go to my room. I haven’t cleaned it up yet. I cleaned everything else up, but I was saving my room for last.

“Hey um, yo brother told me to ask if you wanted to go workout with us.” He said breathlessly. I watched as the sweat dropped down his chest and abs. His lips were just moving and moving but I didn’t hear a thing. I was too caught up in how good he looked. Why did he have to be such a dick? This man was so beautiful.

“Yea, I’ll be out in a sec.” I assured him as I got up to grab my workout gear. I’ve been meaning to workout for the longest.

“Bet.” He said before shutting the door. Changing into my clothes, I grabbed my beats before leaving my room.

**

“Come on, you ain’t going hard enough.” Jaylen said clapping, causing me to roll my eyes. I was over here on my death bed. We’ve been here for 3 hours and he’s been yelling at me the whole time. I was surprised that he was even talking to me.

“Take five, you should be ashamed of yourself.” He shook his head at me as I flicked him off.

“Might as well go get yourself a pork chop basket from JoJo’s while you at it.” He said sarcastically. I wanted to slap him so bad right now. He’s been talking shit this whole time.

“I’m feeling great.” Odell smiled as he took off his shirt full of sweat. They both were training me and working out and neither of them were tired.

Giving up my dream of wanting abs, I reached in my purse and grabbed my Reeses. I’ve been saving this for a week and right now I deserved it.

“You real lazy.” He chuckled as he started to drink some his water. It felt so good outside right now. It wasn’t too cold nor hot.

“I ain’t lazy, I’m just not no body builder like you and O.”  I said as he side eyed me before laughing.

“Robyn, you staying wit Jaylen or coming wit me?” Odell asked as he pulled up in front of Jaylen and I.

“You can go without me..” I told him as he nodded before pulling off. I should’ve gave him my phone, because I have no where to put it.

“Come hoop wit me, you look like you hoop.” He tapped me as I shook my head no. I did used to hoop in high school, but I stopped when I broke my leg.

“This ain’t love and basketball.” I said as he sucked his teeth. “You lucky I even asked you to play.” He muffed me as he ran to the court.

Watching him move back and forth on the court made me wonder if he had on some type of boxers underneath his shorts. I’m just gone assume that he didn’t, cause his lil Vienna sausage was swinging every where.

“Stop looking at my dick, girl.” I heard him say as he made a shot.

“I wasn’t looking at that little-”

“Little where?” He asked as he reached in his shorts before pulling it out. Gasping, I turned away before dying of laughter. I’ve never met someone so bold in my life.

“I’m bored, I’m bout to start picking people up now.” He said as he clicked into the Uber app like he didn’t just pull his dick out.

“Wow, is this what you do for a living?” I asked, confusingly. He had a nice ass car, so I knew this wasn’t what he did.

“No, I’m an artist.” He mumbled, making a million questions pop up in my head. He seemed like his life was interesting.

“What kind?”

“None of your business Ms. Nosey. What do you do for a living? Host parties?”

“Design clothes.” I smiled as he looked over at me like I was lying. I didn’t have to prove anything to him so I didn’t really care if he thought I was lying or not. He better go pick up a Vogue magazine, and look at what these celebs were wearing and check for my name.

“You got some big ass lips.”

“Looks who’s talking.” I laughed. People stayed telling me that my lips were big like I didn’t know that already. It runs in my family.

“Where you from?".” He asked.

“Just sit back and be quiet I ain’t here to play 21 questions.” I mimicked him from the first day he gave me a ride. He was rude as hell. I’m still waiting on my damn apology.

“My bad, you was being mad annoying that night and I was frustrated.” He apologized. Well I guess that was his way of apologizing.

“Is that how you normally act?” I asked, not understanding why he’s so popular if he acted like a dick all the time.

“Yea..”

“Why?” This guy was so interesting.

“I don’t like talking to people that much. That’s why I left when you kissed me, because you caught me off guard. I wasn’t ready for that.”

“I’m so sorry for that Jaylen, seriously. You don’t ever have to worry about that again.” I apologized as he waved me off.

“It’s cool, you good.”

“So we’re cool now?” I asked, holding my fist out for him to pump.

“I don’t know bout all that yet.” He stated as I slowly put my hand back down. Damn, second L that I done took with this dude. I’m just gonna let him do all the talking cause he’s confusing as hell. I see that he’s one of those guys that’s scared of commitment.

“Now you made it awkward.” I spoke up as he looked over at me and laughed.

“You party a lot? You look like you like to turn up. I never seen you not smiling or talking.”

“Not really.. and cause I’m a happy person.” I cheesed.

“Must be nice, I don’t know shit about that.” He chuckled bitterly.

“You’re not happy?” I asked, not really surprised. I could tell he wasn’t by the way he was acting when I first met him. Nobody should be that rude to a person.

“Not really. How can I be happy when I don’t have a mother and constantly keep getting played by a girl that I really love? My life sucks.” He huffed.

“Look, you may not be able to fix that but you’re freaking blessed. Look on the bright side of things. That’s something to be happy about. Whatever you’re going through, talk to God about it. Better days are coming.”

“You think that’ll help?” He asked as stopped at a red light.

“I know it will. I was at a really low point in my life when my parents died. I hated the world. I wasn’t happy at all, but I started talking to God everyday and started to realize that every thing happens for a reason and he doesn’t put us through anything that we can’t handle. Tell you what, how about you come to O’s place tonight and I’ll help you.” I explained, giving him an assuring smile. I loved helping people.

“Um… definitely.” He said as a smile spread across his face.

I guess this was a start.