#IM GETTING MONEY TMR FOR CLEANING

[asterias-corner]

FOAMING AT THE MOUTH, SCREAMING CRYING GHROWING UP AND SHAKING

IM SCREAMING I NEED IT YOU DONT UNDERSTAND

[tkbrokkoli]

been scrubbing these damn shoes w the white soles for eternity

[la-gotica-fantasma]

money made the world go 'round

characters - ex healthcare worker!Thomas x poor healthcare recipient!Newt

setting - modern au

word count - 1k

warnings - american healthcare, mentioned brief homelessness

summary - Thomas, being an employee of a company that prays on those "less fortunate", is left to rebuild what that life destroyed.

authors notes - I honestly wrote this because I got the bill back from the hospital and of course I have to make everything a TMR reference so I was like "Thomas is kinda like an ex employee for a healthcare agency that denied his friends insurance several times.." - halfway through writing this. can't give up now. but this is the 5th time ive set my head in my hands and said "wtf am i doing with my life." - done writing this. im tired. i'll get what i get.

Thomas’ dress shoes shuffled along the cobblestone of the busy city sidewalks, people shouldering him to push through the swarm to their destination before the dark swallowed them whole. 

Among the increasing crowd, he spotted a figure with an oddly familiar mop of blonde hair. Without thinking, Thomas began to chase after the blonde. 

It reminded him of his old best friend, one of the many he lost before taking a job with WCKD Healthcare. The realization of why he was following after this likely stranger did not make him stop, he sped up. 

He frantically pushed through the people. His briefcase repetitively lifted from his side and hit him quickly after, but he paid no mind. 

The blonde turned down an alternate street, much clearer than the previous one they were on. The streetlights illuminated the boy, his slight limp, a wooden cane in hand. His stature was just like Newt’s; tall, skinny, not too lanky. And the limp.

Could it be him?

No, it shouldn’t.

But it just might.

“Why are you bloody following me, Tommy?” The blonde boy sighed.

It was him. 

It was Newt.

“I-” Thomas drew, suddenly becoming ashamed of himself, he looked down at the ground, finding his new fixation being counting the cracks in each stone. There were 27 on the one beside his left foot.

Newt turned around, surveying the boy as he walked nearer. After a moment of silence, “You don’t look like you should look.” Newt trailed off, not a semblance of sarcasm on his face. His brows were furrowed, his hand reached out to grab Thomas, but he pulled it back to himself like he was forbidden to. 

“Have you- Are you doing okay?” Thomas managed to choke out. It had been years since he had seen Newt, he just missed his best friend. 

Any bit of worry Newt had previously held was wiped clean from his face. He looked at Thomas with a disgusted snarl. “No thanks to you and your people.” He spat, all the anger he had held for those years no contact spilling from him like milk from a jug.

Newt began to turn away from Thomas, ready to leave whatever this had become, but Thomas grasped his wrist, keeping him from leaving. 

“Can I- Can we talk?” Thomas asked quietly, his head bowed in shame despite his confident actions. 

Newt shook his wrist and Thomas immediately let go, Newt’s face transitioned into sympathy once more.

“What for?” Newt asked, he tried to sound snobbish but it was to no avail. 

“I quit.” Thomas rapidly admitted, “And I know that doesn’t have to mean anything to you,” Thomas continued frantically getting everything off of his chest. “I’ve spent every night in the cold since I quit and-”

“Bloody hell!” Newt loudly interrupted, bewildered that the rich man he always knew Thomas to be was now in worse financial condition than he. “C’mon, shuckface.” 

Newt grabbed at Thomas’ wrist with the hand that wasn’t holding his cane, “Come on where?”

Newt turned his head to look at the boy, Newt looked at Thomas like he was pure stupid. 

“You’re coming home.” Newt ordered, beginning to drag Thomas to his apartment. 

Thomas shook his head like a little kid, but did not utter a word of resistance in the silent street.

The walk home was short, nothing but thought floated between the two. Thomas felt he deserved the silent treatment, and Newt just didn’t yet know what to say.

The door was just as red as Thomas remembered it, the same wreath on it too. 

Newt reached into his pocket, fishing out his keys, and on his keys was the keychain Thomas had given him. It was something Chuck had helped him make, it was a couple of sticks tied together by twine, like a raft, and it had “newt” in wooden popsicle sticks hot glued to it.

Newt pushed the door open, the layout wasn’t any different either. Among entry was the hallway that led to the kitchen, although it had a bathroom on the left. Turning to his right, Thomas entered the living room. 

There, Minho and Frypan sat in their respective beanbags on the hardwood floor. They played uno with each other, blissfully unaware of Thomas’ appearance. 

“Thomas is back.” Newt let the two know. 

Immediately, their heads sprung up from their cards in disbelief. Frypan’s hand started to lean toward the ground, Minho quickly whipped his head around to see what cards he had before resuming his disbelief. 

Minho and Frypan both turned and scanned Newt, slightly scrutinizing before letting it go with just an “Okay.”

Newt snatched up Thomas’ wrist again and pulled him through the living room into his room, the room that used to be theirs.

The room still had the butter yellow walls, the ones that Thomas would always make fun of Newt for liking. The room still had the white shelves Thomas and Newt built together one drunken night. It still had everything from before.

Newt sat Thomas on the bed, the quilt comforting on Thomas’ callused hands. 

Newt leered over Thomas with a perplexed look. 

“Why would you quit?” Newt interrogated, sounding awfully breathless despite him starting to pace around the small room.

“Because, I couldn’t keep seeing people who were hurt having to be hurt even more.”

“So you became bloody homeless!?” Newt questioned exasperatedly, so sick of the man that used to be his in front of him. 

“I didn’t-” 

“What if I hadn’t found you, hm? Then what?”

“Well you did-”

“You hurt me, Tommy!”

The room suddenly fell silent, and Thomas’ heart dropped past his stomach. 

Thomas never wanted to be the reason Newt was ever sad, but now he can confidently cross every emotion off a list of how many he’s made Newt feel.

Newt continued on, “Those maddened, sick, twisted bastards sit here and watch people like me suffer, and they hand us a bill, say ‘Better luck next time!’, and send us off. For their 24 karat yachts and their pristine wine parties, and you played a role. They treat me like some useless dog who needs to be taken care of-”

“I’ll take care of you.” Thomas mindlessly interrupted, looking up at Newt through his lashes.

“What?” 

“I said that I’ll take care of you.”

Thomas looked like a starved puppy begging for food. He was desperate. Not only did he want Newt’s forgiveness, but he also wanted Newt’s all around health to be launched into the air.

Newt walked up to Thomas, sitting beside him and resting his head on Thomas’ shoulder.

“You promise?”

Thomas lifted his pinky toward Newt, “I would follow you anywhere, and I will.”

Thomas gestured for Newt to wrap his pinky, “Money makes their world go around, not mine.” Thomas swore.

Newt linked their pinkies, “This doesn’t mean we’re back together.”

“Could it?”

“Slim it.”

Silence enveloped the two of them again, but per usual, not for very long, “But.. do you think maybe..?”

Newt shut him up by intertwining their hands. 

[yourghastlycloseness]

in the past few hours i went being convinced that i was the ugliest person to ever walk the earth and shd this destroy myself bcos i never want to look into the mirror again and see how everything is wrong with my face and body to being a loving daughter spending a day out with mom to cracking jokes to being completely upset about the state of my relationships and my anxiety and my fear abt starting a new job and if i’ll even be able to get one and how this wasnt a sponsorship at all it’s more like taking a loan out of a company and then being tied to it and having to pay off your debts and it’s all on you if you can’t do anything abt it and ive realise that its in these states of transition where im waiting for smth to happen that im the most jittery and irritable and depressed when the hosp called to ask how urgent my case was or thereabouts i said i wasnt suicidal which wasnt a lie when they called but i feel suicidal every few hours or every days or weeks honestly the feeling never goes away but i know how serious i am abt when id make an attempt and its usually in states like these where ive lost all control over my emotions and the only thing i can control is whether i live or not and even then its subject to how the suicide attempt is executed though its likely that jumping frm the 20+ floor of any building shd kill you upon impact how i don’t want to live like this anymore and being convinced again that i shd kill myself then seeing a worker get run over by a bus and thinking thats awful then having dinner w family and paying for it but not getting a word of thanks then asking dad to get drinks but he frowns and doesnt for a while and i dont understand why abd while we’re eating i drop a piece of the pork on the table and i want to flip the entire table over and when i wash the utensils at the sink i see my hair getting thinner unde rtbe fluorescents even tbligh im doing what i xan to keep it from falling out im gng to be bald by the time im 33 how much fun is that thirty flirty and thriving thirty fucking fat and fuckinf bald and fucking lonely was not how i samw it all for myself

and i cry at the table the whole way back and then take a walk the rewatch and feel bad for the worker hope he’s alright news report says he’s got fractures in his right leg i rly hope it’s nth more than that meanwhile i was feeling one thousands things and this man was just at work and feeling so much pain which reminds me that i need money i need to work in the meantime yet the sponsorship contract forbids me frm getting external employment without first getting their approval honestly i might just go work first and then wait for their approval cos it can take very long and dad sent a picture of kai earlier tpdya he’s completely shaven sown neck bcos of repeated skin infictikna my poor dog my poor boy i love love love you so much and ive been horrible and i think abt you all the time and its now my wallpaper bcos i want to workfor a vision of us tgt and hes still the handsomest boy around even when firless neck down also hes a real asshole i hope he never loses that mfer asshole corgi personality of his if he ever changes then i know ive lost a part of him and i dont want that feepndown inside i know we ee both assholes who fight and im gettingnout of this and youll get beteyr and i love you forever andnice cried so much i rly need to clean my eyes woth blpehagel cdps just loke my boy oget infections WILD my skin foes mot want to be with me it givez up on me doesnt matter lovenypus till kai youre the most shit dog in the worls and uoure mine even when youre not here and i love you wven if you dont love me and i dotn want my asian eyelids to get all fucked up tmr so im going to stop xrying now straight ip the only rweaso n i dont cru as muchthese says isnt bcosige gotten stronge ror gotten over the things that ipset me most its jury bcos i cant eisk ab infection again neeeded eye zurgery fkr that preciously and i bleieve i had a fucked ip eyesi fection but also my crying mad eit worse secondly aesthetics my syelids creases change everytie i cry ao i gotta fucking stoRPP

[knifenymph]

i don't wanna do the chasing thing anymore really. so i'm not

[espressogal]

20:15 -- diary entry 

it’s been a while since i’ve written so here’s my last week? so i went to the university orientation and it was so fkn fun!!! i rlly outdid myself with the socializing it was almost as though my years of shyness and insecurity and anxiety just took a step back and allowed me to take charge of my own life for once i loved it -- although it was def a process to reach that point ofc. i met a rlllly cool girl and i def see myself being her friend throughout the years!! we have a really great connection and she’s so amazing and honestly its just the best feeling ever to rlly wanna be friends w someone and know that they feel the same way about u!! it def beats the feeling of having ur crush like u back tbh. i got my first paycheque and used like half the money from that cheque to get that cartilage piercing ive wanted for years!! i have this cute diamond?? stud on my ear now and i cant wait till november bc that’s when i get to remove the stud and replace it with a ring!! ive been eating sooo terribly this past two weeks bc ive mostly been out and didnt rlly hve time to eat home cooked food so im excited to go grocery shopping tmr and eat a vegetable for once. and today i went back to school shopping bc we stopped by walmart so i got a notebinder (by fivestar), a calculator, and a ruler. (ill prob get my pens from muji) ive never used a notebinder before but when i saw it on the shelf i was blown away at how versatile and useful it is!! it literally incorporates both the benefits of a notebook and a binder -- both of which i did not wanna invest in this year bc of how difficult it makes the organization of my notes. so this is soo perfect and im excited to see how it’ll work out for me (it was only like $8 too!!) so today i made a list of all the things i need to do, room-cleaning wise) but bc i was so tired from last night’s finale party i slept in and only managed to cross off a fraction of the list so im gunna b quite busy tonight! 

[burninghoagietrashoaf]

Yet again she makes excuses this year to why i cant dance and she knows this is what i want to do in the future. the. asks me about money???? why email me the information if you dont want me to go??? last year she tried to blame it on covid and etc acting like she actually cared cause if she did we wouldnt have been going to gma house so much. i dont know why she doesnt wany me going to dance when she knows this is the career i want to fulfill in. so she blames it on everything thing else i have been nothing but respectful to her, she is just saying that because i dont clean my room and that’s because i have no energy to get out of bed and clean my room. but look at her room... its dirty with clothes all over the floor but im the dirty one in the house who always stinks. Can’t wait for the day she actually admits she wants to worst for me. this is why after my dance competition this friday (tmr) im killing myself i had literally ENOUGH of this and getting treated like this.. like everything is MY FAULT all the dang time. and lets talk about my grades... i have a D in my math class thats my ONLY bad grade other than that i have a C in Science, A in ELA, A in social studies, and A in my electives. She complains about every wrong thing i do, i do one bad thing and she’ll keep throwing it in my face to make excuses to why i cant do this or that. I.Hate.My.Mom.

[wannaonescenarios]

could i request seungwoo roommate!au????

thanks for requesting!! 

edit: its 4 am and i finally finished,,,haven’t betad so ill fix tmr morning !!

- even though he can clearly take care of himself, you always end up looking after him bc you’re scared that he will somehow end himself when you’re gone

- you met him while you were hanging up posters for a roommate bc you couldn’t handle the fees all at once lol and it would be nice for an extra hand around

- daniel ended up moving in with jisung and even though he promised seongwoo that they would live together smh

- so seongwoo needed to find a place fast bc he preferred to not crash in a cramped apartment the whole year lol

- and found your ad for needing a roomie!! so he contacted you and it was history from there

- it was awkward at first but he always ended up cracking jokes to lighten the mood (which always works hehe)

- you two end up getting to know each other well and it seemed like you two are basically bffs lol

- becomes very affectionate to you so get used to skinship

- likes to ruffle your hair or give you big hugs or anything really

- or sometimes cuddles but not a lot!! because seongwoo would freeze up bc why is his heart beating so fast??

- seongwoo is in the dance club for the college so he always ends up coming home late and sometimes doesn’t make it to his room and just crashes in the living room sofa

- and you’re always home before him bc work ended earlier so you’re always there to take care of him

- u just kinda,,leave him there bc he was kinda heavy lol so you just cover him with a blanket and leave dinner in the microwave and a glass of water on the table for him when he wakes up

- even when its his turn to buy groceries or clean the apartment, he always seems tired or worn out half the time so you just kinda do it because you know he’s too tired to do it lol

- and sometimes u just feel like he takes you for granted?? like idk its like you end up doing all the work and you can’t help feeling this way because even if he has dance club,,,he should at least help

- but he does don’t worry

- in fact, he takes notice of all the things that you do for him and even though its his turn to buy things or do chores, you still end up doing it for him when you notice he’s exhausted

- he returns the favor actually!! whenever he notices that you’ve had a rough week or you have a huge project coming up and you can’t clean around the apartment

- he does the work and even buys you extra stuff bc all the things you do for him and he’s grateful fnbjik

- but sometimes you’ll have a rough day and you’ll be pissed and tired and it’s like seongwoo notices because the moment you walk through the door, he just encloses you in a big hug and stays there until you’re feeling better again

- and instantly, your bad mood is gone bc hugging seongwoo is like hugging a teddy bear hehe

- u always tries to shove food down his throat bc sometimes he’s so busy that he forgets to eat and smh like boy!!!! you need to eat!!

- ok moving on!!

- always greets you once you get home because he lowkey misses you and he’s glad that you’re back hehe

- always asks about your day and makes small talk and if you ask about his, will low-key be overdramatic about it because he loves making you laugh hehe

-okokkok  you’re studying music theory and you’re always trying to identify chords or if a song modulates or is planing 

- and seongwoo notices this ofc!! he notices how passionate you are while talking about music theory and he always sends you a random song because he knows that you like to practice a lot

- and you just go !!! because lowkey you didn’t think he would remember and the fact that he always asks about the songs and what you found interesting about it once he came home

- in return, you always ask about the dance club and ask him to show you his new moves hehe

- you always hype him up when you he shows you and move and he’s just !!! flustered but secretly glad

- and sometimes asks him to sing to you and its just !! an experience !! 

- his voice was so good though?? how does a human sound this good 

- like vocal king?? 

- jaehwan, somewhere far away: did someone sAy vocAl kIng?? 

- and its a cute and happy bonding experience!!

- ok but im not saying that if seongwoo were to ever cook for you, all he would make is cheap ramen or that chef boyarde stuff but thats exactly what im saying

- thus, you end up being the chef in the house because you’re the only one who can make sure that the both of you can get the proper nutrients needed hehe

- ok but living with seongwoo would include stealing his sweaters and he’s always like ?? where are my sweaters

- you: *wearing his sweater* hA hA i have no idea?? maybe you lost it hmMMM?

- he would notice and just,,,sigh LMFAO 

- ‘’ok but i need them because they complete my outfit hello’’ 

- ‘’choose a different one this one is comfy’’ 

- ‘’excUSE ME?? these are mY sweaters we shouldn’t have to argue give them back!!” 

- ‘’eXcUsE mE? nO” 

- ‘’just go wear yours wTF!!” 

- ‘’nO!! its different!!” 

- aka seongwoo just wearing another sweater as he ended up making you win because he got lazy LMFAO (even tho we both know he let u keep them bc he thought u looked cute !! hehe like those sweater paws?? he almost fainted wow legend) 

- ok story time!!

- once the two of you didn’t see each other for like three days because of midterms

-which was a wild ride like you breaking down in the library

- seongwoo passing out on the floor during a break from practice

- you almost turning in your paper late and having daehwi distract the teacher by coming up with some sob story of his s/o taking all of his money in his bank account so you can sneak in your paper

- seongwoo end up running from one side of the campus to the other because he went to the wrong classroom and only had like 3 minutes left to turn in his project

- you having a sugar crash and basically passing out for a day straight and waking up,,,,only to realize that u had class in a few minutes LMFAO

- and after that, you ended up collapsing on your bed in relief and probably sleep for like 3894375 years

- then seongwoo joins you and basically cuddles up to you bc a) he missed you and b) he missed talking to u

- and then the two of u end up sleeping and once u wake up, you two spill all the tea that has happened the past three days hehe

- all in all, a very cute relationship!! someone that you trust a lot and is vvvv glad you took the chance to accept him as a roommate!!

[xiaoemospace]

sKool

so school starts tmr which is really damn sian because the whole cycle of being disappointed in myself bc of results + being stressed over new shit to study will start again and continue all the way until the end of the year. i know i really cant blame anyone but myself for these results but still zz its not the best way to start after a “hiatus” from school. 

people might think jc kids are the best and the smartest or idk what bullshit but poly people look more ready for the real world than we are, and at least the ite population are happy and have more specific career routes in the future. at least all these people who dont do well in school have more work experience than me and are way way happier. my situation is so bad bc im like grouped together with the best but im the worst out of all of them. so i have to battle the same expectations but i really know im not capable :(((

my math already thrashed me so im just rly praying hard that the rest of my results are alright. like borderline meet my expectations or something i really cant afford to be devastated by my results and let them push me back (mentally) even further than i have already been. i want to say that gp is my strength and that i have confidence in it but tbh i rly dk where i stand bc i cant tell if my essay is good or not.

oh wellz anyway the only thing i can do now is wait for everything to come back then i can start on a fresh clean canvas (obviously going to screw it up again in sem 2 tho) i can alr tell my father is going to rage like crazy but im going to quote him “its your future not mine” and we all know he only cares about my results so i can shower him with money in the future. which i will of course if i actually get money. anyway him scolding me and beating down my self esteem isnt going to help so i hope he sees that one day but we will both probably be dead before that day comes.