#IM FIVE FOOT FIVE BTW. IM NOT EXACTLY TALL...

[polarfarina]

This tiny little couch futon thing I've been sleeping on since October really is not cutting it. I can't remember feeling actually fully comfortable lying down at any point on this thing. My feet hang off the bottom if I don't put my head on the edge (but if I do that my head is angled downward and I get a monster headache) and if I toss and turn I have to pick my whole body up so I can stay in place and not roll off. We put two mattress toppers on this thing and my hips still complain like I'm lying on the ground. As dumb as the queen with the feet that snapped off every other night was it was better than this

[corvusthecryptid]

Get wrecked, tiny man.

@snarkyowl upon hearing a 10-year-old actress was only three inches shorter than me, a 20-year-old man

[tumblunni]

More on my random yokai watch headcanon of Directator being Hoaxy Coaxy's son and Madam Mushroom being the mom

* Hoaxy Coaxy and Madam Mushroom met when she was another in the long line of random people whose dreams he tried to eat. But instead when he poofed into her Daydream Dimension he found her standing ominously at the end of a hallway like the kids from the shining and then she lucid dream'd him into a nightmare and kicked his ass. I just feel like Madam Mushroom is probably the most powerful human in this universe and no yokai would stand a chance, lol. He was utterly enamoured instantly by this strange human who was able to take control of his dreams for herself with her sheer lack of fear of him. And also ykno how she was all ominous and talked in riddles and acted like a trickster goddess to the people of the town. And most importantly how she did all this despite having no actual supernatural abilities, she just liked to troll people for the fun of it! Thats something to admire!! So he came back and apologized for the dreamwalking and was like "oh btw im not just a regular nightmare im literally an eldritch monster from the realm of the dead" and she was like "fuck yeah i knew magic was real, yo dude can you send me into people's dreams so i can give them cryptic warnings about nothing while hovering in a red room". And he was like "Oh Fuck We Are Soulmates" And thus began a grand romance of spooky pranks and cutey kisses! :3

* imagine this old lady adorably curled up in the arms of a giant floating severed head cloud man with ten foot tall fangs and they is napping together n dreaming of having cute dates

* one day they literally just decided to have a kid and It Was Complete. Hoaxy just dreamed up a baby in five seconds and then they had to awkwardly fake madam mushroom being pregnant for nine months. It was like having the worlds most hilarious in-joke! (Becoming parents did not make them any less immature)

* to manifest this dream child in the physical world they had to create some sort of vessel to stick the boundless essense of chaos energy into. Naturally, madam mushroom picked the best shroom in her garden! So Directator never got to see any of his baby photos cos they were all of some horrifying screaming face on a plant.

* related note: when he found out about this he pretty much stared blankly into space for three hours. Tfw u thought u were a normal human for 28 years then ur mum is like 'daww look this is when u were a tumourous mass of teeth in the garden that sucked in nearby birds into a nightmare dimension'

* oh and the reason Hoaxy Coaxy isnt around during present day is cos he ended up getting arrested and sent to the Infinate Inferno with everyone else who pissed off Enma. One of his pranks probably just went too far one day or something. THOU SHALT NOT PLACETH WHOOPIE CUSHIONS ON THE ROYALE THRONE!! So he was unfortunately unable to see his kid for a long time and Directator grew up just thinking his mum's weird fairy tales were stuff she made up to entertain him as a baby. He kinda looked up to Hoaxy Coaxy as a fictional character of all those stories, and only pieced it all together when he finally met him. Alas, the curse of having a cryptic mother!

* probably ghoulfather busted hoaxy coaxy out of jail and he was stuck working for this dude even though he didnt wanna. Part debt to him for the rescue, part raising money to get back home to his wife and son, and part 'well fuck i guess this dude technically created me so i kinda gotta'. The game just says that ghoulfather created hoaxy coaxy and doesnt elaborate any further, so my headcanon is that he was an old imaginary friend ghoulfather dreamed up back when he was human. And he discarded him as useless when he first started becoming evil. Hoaxy was very young at the time and left completely alone without any support of other yokai to give him guidance, or otjer human friends to care about him. So he had a tough time and ended up becoming this evil dream parasite out of necessity to survive on his own. Originally he was just a small powerless jibanyan-esque cutie mascot, and he's bitter that his creator only wants to take him back now he's become powerful enough to be useful to his evil schemes. So he has less loyalty to the ghoulfamily than the others and isnt blinded to how ghoulfather's once good heart has been clearly corrupted long ago. However he's also not exactly a hero or anything, more just a chaotic neutral dude who only cares about A: fun and B: ok i guess i kinda love my wife and son now. So his dissent is more just whining about how bored he is and noone respects him and cmon just finish the stupid evil plan already so i can go home. Also i know ur technically hia grandfather but ur not invited to my son's birthday party!!!

* anyway i dunno how but eventually directator's gotta reunite with his dad and itd be all teary and heartwarming and then he'd be like "CUT CUT CUT ok lemme take that from the top" *repeats exact same crying but now the crew is filming it* And hoaxy is like 'oh thank god my boy turned out just as silly as me'

THE END