#IM блять DID IT

[aniketrrrr]

Do you know where the wild things go?

They go along to take your honey

https://youtu.be/9Rdy3ZQAkC8

[hauntedppgpaints]

hey warden it’s mkjt anon! so i hope youve been well and seen that our boy ivan got his extension!!!!!! for millions of dollars!!!!! and i was wondering uh. in the beej au. how sam reacts to this? maybe?

i’ll see myself out bye

BELOVED. im so sorry this is so late. but i finally did something about it!!!!!!!

two more years.

When they separate, Sam nuzzles Ivan’s cheek, and caresses the other with his thumb. “Two more years, Vanya. That deserves something special, yes?” He asks, eye wrinkles appearing when he smiles. Ivan trills back, sliding his hands down Sam’s sides to come to rest at the alpha’s waist. 

“Only if you want. Don’t have to do something big- can be something small.” Ivan replies, shifting his legs so Sam is more firmly sitting in his lap. Sam sighs quietly, and leans back a little as he thinks. 

Something to celebrate Ivan’s extension. Not something so big, because it’ll make Ivan uncomfortable. But something big enough to really celebrate a big thing like this. What to do, what to do… 

Oh!

Sam smiles, wicked and sly, as an idea starts to form. “I know that smile. What you think?” Ivan asks, hesitant but smiling back at his mate. Instead of answering, Sam gets up from Ivan's lap, and slowly sinks to his knees between Ivan’s legs. “Sam- what-?” Ivan sits up, eyes wide. Sam settles into a comfortable position- knees spread wide to spread his weight out, hands on his thighs, eyes looking up at Ivan through the lashes. Sam leans forward slightly, and presses a kiss to Ivan’s inner thigh.

“Maybe I can warm you?” Sam offers, trailing his nose over the slight bulge in Ivan’s shorts. His tongue follows, catching on the fabric and feeling the heat of Ivan’s cock hidden underneath. “You can keep me between your legs for a while, let me keep your cock warm.” Sam flutters his lashes, and Ivan laughs, like he always does when Sam does that.

When his laughter fades, Sam can see how wide Ivan’s eyes are. How dark. Oh, he’s interested. Sam can smell Ivan’s slick, and can scent how it’s gathering between the omega’s legs. A shame it wont get used, this time. “Yes. Yes, I like that.” Ivan finally says, reaching for his waistband. Sam leans back enough for Ivan to shed his shorts and underwear, and shuffles in closer when Ivan settles down again. The omega’s cock is chubbing up, and Sam can already feel his drool starting to gather. 

“This is going to be messy, Vanya.” Sam murmurs. The first drops of drool are already beading at the corners of his mouth, threatening to start sliding down his chin. 

“You like it messy, Sam.” Ivan shoots back, taking his cock in hand. He tilts his hips up, and slowly feeds his cock into Sam’s waiting mouth. He groans quietly at the wet heat, and Sam hums in response. Ivan stops when Sam is halfway down his cock, happy to just let Sam warm him right there. 

But Sam has his own ideas.

With another quiet noise, Sam shifts forward again, and takes more of Ivan’s cock in his mouth. Alpha drool eases the way, and when the head bumps into the back of Sam’s throat, the alpha takes a deep breath, swallows a few mouthfuls of drool, and keeps going. “Sam- alpha, блять-” Ivan gasps, cupping the back of Sam’s head. It’s only when Sam’s nose rests against Ivan’s pubic bone that he settles in a little more, and hums again. 

He blinks up at Ivan, lashes thick with unshed tears, and he starts to purr. 

“Sam!” Ivan yelps, fingers tightening in the alpha’s hair. Fuck, that feels good. A rumbling vibration around his cock, already enveloped in tight, wet heat- oh, he’s not going to last if Sam keeps that up.

The purring falls to a low level, and Sam’s eyes fall shut as they settle in for the long haul. Sam falls into a rhythm- take Ivan’s cock down his throat for as long as he can, before leaning back and resting for a moment as he purrs around the head of it. Rinse and repeat. Ivan can tell that Sam is singularly focused on the task, and that everything else has fallen away- much like on the ice. 

The minutes crawl on, Ivan entranced by the sight of his alpha. Sam’s lips stretched wide around his cock; the slight bulge in his throat; his long lashes fanned against his cheek; the drool creeping down his chin; the wet sound of his cock sliding down Sam’s throat. 

Eventually- Ivan doesn’t know how long they’ve been sitting there, locked in and entranced by each other- Sam pulls off, and takes a few breaths. “You want to fuck my throat?” He croaks, wiping his chin. Ivan’s breath hitches, and he nods. Sam smiles, and leans forward again, sticking his tongue out so Ivan can feed him his cock once more. 

Ivan slowly slides in, pausing to let Sam loosen his throat and prepare. “Блять.” He grunts as he slides home once more, running both his hands through Sam’s hair to get a grip on the back of his head. Sam hums- he’s ready.

Ivan starts up a steady rhythm, fucking into the tight clutch of Sam’s throat and enjoying the heat for a brief moment before sliding back out. The sounds coming out of Sam’s mouth are disgusting- a wet squelch whenever he pulls out, a guttural grunt whenever he pushes back in- but Ivan is so, so into it. It doesn’t take long for him to lose the rhythm, and with a final thrust, he comes down Sam’s throat with a low cry.

Sam swallows everything he can, but as Ivan pulls out, some of his cum dribbles down the alpha’s chin, adding to the mess on his chest. Sam swallows a few more times. “Fuck,” He tries to say, but his voice is a wreck. Ivan can see Sam’s cock, heavy and hard between his thighs, leaking precum and knot inflated and ready to fully pop. But Sam didn’t touch it at all. 

“Fuck, that was… we need to do that again soon.” Sam tries again, resting his forehead against Ivan’s thigh. Ivan pets Sam’s hair a few times, the both of them needing a moment to catch their breath. 

“Yes. Yes, please.”

[letspissoffmyaxxx]

Why bonnie can kiss my warm ass cheeks - an analysis

So im on season 3 of Peeki bloindas an I don't ave the foggiest clue who tf bonnie is, however he seems like a roight twat. lewk at him stupid lil ead I wanna bash it in. I will now begin my analysis on whoi ee sux with zero nolej of him character or wot hims about.

Phase 1: His stupid little head

Now, I'm sure you're absolutely livid by now, so let me revert back into proper English to minimise the quantity of death threats sent to me (looking at you and all 47 of your account Mia x). To begin my argument, I present this image of Bonnie, formally known as Bonoculars.

Now, I urge you to access the shape and concave nature of Bonoculars's face. While the overall form of his "noggin" can be dully described as "irregular" that is only a drop in my lake my dear friends. The true issue we must uncover today is the concerning dip between Bonoculars's cranium and jaw. We can clearly see how much Bonoculars's face-dip resembles the plotted line for the linear equation y=x², which worries me greatly. This face-dip implies that Binoculars has previously had his face bashed in, despite my earlier comment which implied that I would be the one to do so. The question of who did this requires a closer look.

The y=x² equation also resembles the curvature of a baseball bat, leading me to the conclusion that the perpetrator was wielding a bat. However, we must look at this in a less technical manner. As they say in Russia, счка блять, which roughly translates to "Everything is not what it seems" a maxim popularized in the 2010s by hit series 'The Wizards of Waverly Place' a show which tackled issues such as the acceptance of religion outside of the mainstream, racism and the American Dream. But I digress, I do not think Bonoculars was injured by a bat. Now please try to follow with me as I perform complex deduction.

Bat rhymes with twat. Who is a twat?

A

L

F

I

E

"But random twat I've never met, we love Alfie! He could never!" I hear you say. An my reply is

Fuck you I do what I want xx

So in conclusion, Bonoculars needs help and Alfredo needs to be detained.

Permanently.

Phase 2: Waistcoat Soyboys

My dearest companions, I'm sure you're well versed in this knowledge however for the plebiscites who are unaware, there is an eleventh commandment, and it reads:

He who weareth a coat of waist belengeth either to thy Clan of Soy or he beist a dapper man of Fancypants decent

There is no canonical mention of Bonoculars having any sort of heritage or relation to the Fancy-Folk, in fact his "mad nasty" living situation leads me to believe that he is intact quite the opposite. This, my friends can only mean one thing, thou beist a Soyboy. A male derived from soy. A primitive being who originated from the Soy fields of Atlantis before it was lost to the ocean. This my homeslice breadslice dawgs is more than enough evidence for me to justify politely asking Bonoculars to give my derriere a smooch.

Phase 3: A personal grudge

I'm quite certain that Bonoculars is delightful company. I'm sure he puts his spare change in the charity pot on his way out of Sainsbury's and wipes his feet when he enters other people's houses. I'm sure he recycles and puts on deodorant in public and doesn't invade people's person space. I'm positive that he breaks the KitKat into sticks instead of biting the whole thing like a heathen and holds doors open for all genders without expecting anything in return. In short he's probably a decent and wholesome chap, however I will still urge him to snog my backside with gusto. I will still laugh whenever Mia mentions him. I will still publish this analysis. I will still do whatever the hell I want for the simple reason of

I can

In conclusion, Bonoculars is a Soyboy who needs the assistance of Childline (0800 1111). I stand by this choice now, and will until the day a furry kicks me into a pool of shit with curved edges so I can't escape. To finish, fuck you. Especially you Mia, I know you're reading this. Actually, screw Bonoculars, all of you step up in his place and kiss my 36°C, soft, plump, fatty buns.

[aniketrrrr]