#IF YOU'RE NOT MENTIONED HERE I PROBABLY JUST FORGOT
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some of my blorbo in laws
hi inspired by the last two posts i rb'd, i wanna share some of my absolute all time faves among some of my friends' ocs đ„ș this is not an exhaustive list, these are just some of the ones living in my head rent free The Most rn
@skitzo-kero - all of your ocs have such a special place in my heart, but i've always got khalki on the mind.... and barley.... beloveds (and, lately, michathan as well)
@anexor - same as above, all of your ocs mean so much to me. but goddamn if i don't think about iselda a lot to this day. and princess <3 EDIT: HOW COULD I FORGET SHADOW, MY BEST FRIEND SHADOW...
@invaderskoodge - SO MANY OF THEM but lately i've been thinking a lot about liam and liza. both separately and their dynamic.
@potatolordofficial - i am a dante fan first and a human second. but also i LOVE blood and murphy.... all of demon//bane is so beloved to me.
@corvus-rose - i'm a vayuden stan until the end!! and beyond!! i love them both!! but also i love aki sm
@vacantgodling - i fucking adore hya and amon, BUT ALSO PIPER... I CARE HER. and the whole cast of btaf rotates in my brain all the time but ESPECIALLY miss biscella herself.... her <3
@albatris - NAT AND ALEXXXX i love them so so much. alex especially. i wanna be its friend so bad.
@paradoxspir1t - strata is one of my favorite characters of all time i think, but also i loveeee ven, lore, wisteria, and deimos đ and not JUST for their connections with eden
#multi makes text posts#friendship <3#IF YOU'RE NOT MENTIONED HERE I PROBABLY JUST FORGOT#I'M AT WORK#but also. if u wanna tell me about an oc of yours u think i'd like... hi
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who's lien-hua??
Short answer: My absolute child and the only OC I have cried genuine, REAL tears over. And not tearing up or sniffling a little, full on SOBS. Kat still owes me emotional compensation for that one đ€đ€
Long answer: She's one of @katkastrofaâs OCs that I now have partial custody of. P'Li's little sister, born in 136 AG, a sweet cinnamon roll too good for this world, too pure, no matter how damn overused that phrase is, it still fits her đ„șđ„șđ„ș When drawing her last year I accidentally made her look a lot like my friend's little sister so now I am always extra soft about her. But considering what happens, you can imagine the level of emotional devastation this is causing me and just how much this has affected my ability to look at Katya the same way ever again. Doesn't help that her older sister has an annoying tendency to wear her waist length hair in a brushed back braid...
Anyway, for reference, the baby girl, sweet girl herself, from about July 2023:
And now that you have been fully taken with this precious thing's cuteness, it is imperative I let you know that she is killed at age 7 by the warlord who tried to turn P'Li into a living weapon đ
She's the living embodiment of a tragedy, a child born to be collateral damage, the one who could not be saved no matter what was done, the "it was always going to end this way" half of the tragedy dichotomy. A little girl unjustly killed as punishment for her sister not wanting to become a warlord's weapon, forever remaining as nothing more but a hazy memory of someone to protect. And I'm gonna stop now because I will start crying again, istgâ
(There is a verse where she lives, though that is part of a much larger AU that can basically be summed up as "completely self indulgent mishmash of ideas, everybody lives/nobody dies, sunshine and rainbows and peace on earth, unless you're a world leader, then RIP", or as we like to call it, the Ultimate AU, because we never came up with a better name :P But getting into it would take too long and there really isn't too much to explain since it lacks a cohesive plot and is more a bunch of family shenanigans thrown together, so... moving on)
In Kat's fic Lost and Found the memory of Lien-Hua is the driving force behind all of P'Li's decisions, and she constantly blames herself for not having been able to save her (despite the fact she was a child herself, no older than 13), right up until the very end where she.. doesn't really get closure, per se, but is able to let Lien go, in the scene which I have affectionately dubbed "F.C. Yee owes Kat major royalties for this one, holy hell" #ifyouknowyouknow. But also Lien is a point of some interpersonal conflict since no one else can quite relate to P'Li in this case. Ming-Hua (while not present in LaF) is an only child, Zaheer is the youngest of three and was never close with his sisters, and Ghazan... well, his sister is two separate cans of worms depending on whether you're talking about Haya or Zada. Some pretty interesting stuff overall, really scratches my soft spot for family related dealings in fics, and I can't believe I just realised that P'Li's the only non-youngest child in the RL foursome, huh. It's oddly fitting, in a way, at least in my opinion
Oh, and also, Midori is a reincarnation of Lien-Hua :)
#desperately trying to remember where I last mentioned Lien-Hua for you to ask#I'm assuming either the meifeng art or that meme I made @ kat about her going to jail for a 1000 years bc she forgot lien while listing OC#probably the first one#but anyway#if this is not quite coherent it's because I once again didn't sleep#anxiety + depression + chronic insomnia = a hellish combination that keeps me awake most nights#I do usually try to catch up in the afternoons but today I have too many errands to run :/#also. hi Kat.#hope you're enjoying your vacation#but just know that just because you ran off to sardinia with a pretty woman like you're the protagonist of some sapphic version of CMBYN#(for the record I am JOKING HERE. JOKING. I'M SORRY)#doesn't mean I will stop pestering you by tagging you in stuff đ#okay. I should probably go sort the rest of my errands out so I can finally sleep#the legend of korra#the red lotus#original character#laf lien-hua#Kat and Nia and their multiverse of madness
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not according to plan | hjs
summary: your ex-fiance is getting married and everyone you know is going to be there. when he calls to ask if you're coming, you accidentally mention a boyfriend. which would be fine, if you weren't very single. thankfully your best friend comes through with the perfect solution when he sets you up with a friend of his. what could possibly go wrong?
pairing: joshua x f.reader genre: fake dating, strangers to friends to ?? | fluff, slight angst, smut rating: explicit, minors DNI word count: ~22.1k notes/warnings: johnny suh as the ex-fiancee (sorry, he's not great in this), other idols born in '95 used as background characters, mentions of past cheating, food & alcohol, lots of "dates", reader is referenced as coming from a rich family, mention of being an escort (minus the sex?) smut warnings: making out, multiple smut scenes (kind of, it could be a continuation), multiple orgasms, teasing, they're both v obsessed with each other's bodies, protected sex, fingering, nipple play, oral sex (f. receiving), scratching/marking, squirting, overstimulation, use of lube, i think that's it (but let me know if it's not)
author's note: this fic is dedicated to the lovely @shuadotcom, i'm so sorry it took me literal months to finish fake dating!joshua but here we are anyway. i'm not sure how this one got so away from me either lmao. banner credit to the beautiful @wongyuseokie who (again) did this very last minute. thank you to @wonwussy & @kwanisms for the mid-fic beta. thank you to @wooahaeproductions, @horanghater, @cheolism, & @hannieween for listening to me talk about this and helping with things like petnames & dates.
taglist at the end (& join my permanent taglist here)
âItâs fine, itâs been years and Iâm over it. Plus, Iâve been seeing someone anyway and heâs great. So I wasnât ignoring your invite,â you say without a second thought.Â
Itâs just a stream of consciousness. The lie comes flying out of your mouth faster than your brain can process it. Thatâs exactly what it is, too. A lie. Youâre not seeing anyone and havenât been in a serious relationship since the person on the other end of the call broke your heart.Â
âOh, wow, sorry, I didnât mean toâŠwell, I didnât know. My mom didnât say anything when she said she had spoken to your mom about whether or not you were coming to the wedding,â Johnny says with a little bit of ramble.Â
âYou know how my mom can be, I havenât had the chance to tell her yet,â you deflect.Â
âIâm happy for you, then,â Johnny says.Â
âThanks, Iâm happy for you, too,â you force out. Somehow, it doesnât sound like the lie you know that it is.
âSo, itâs not weird, then? I mean our moms are best friends, so the rest of your family is all going to be there. A lot of your friends will be there. I know you havenât RSVPâd yet, butâŠâ Johnny starts.
âNope! Not weird at all,â you utter, hoping that your voice sounds even. âItâd be weirder if I wasnât there, right?âÂ
âProbably, yeah,â Johnny says. âThatâs great, though. Do you want me to mark you down as a yes? I can even add a plus-one, if you want to bring your partner.âÂ
âThatâs so thoughtful, but I wouldnât want to put you out. I know how expensive weddings can be,â you say and try to sound sincere.
âNo, itâs no issue, actually. We have a few extra seats that we left just in case we forgot someone or didnât know about someoneâs partner,â Johnny presses. âSo weâll see you both there?â
âYeah, you will,â you hurry out. This conversation needs to be over.Â
Itâs only an hour after hanging up with your ex-fiancee that your mom calls to tell you she canât believe she had to hear it from Mrs. Suh that youâre dating someone. Which includes a whole lot of deflecting and promises about when she can meet this mystery man. Another twenty minutes after you hang up with your mom, you get a pointed text from your younger sister. The two of you havenât ever been all that close, so she shouldnât be surprised that you havenât mentioned him. She made her side pretty clear when she maintained her friendship with Johnnyâs new fiancĂ©e. That new fiancee, a close friend of your sisters, also just so happened to be the girl he cheated on you with. So, she can hardly expect to have a close sister bond. Yet, she seems oddly suspicious that she didnât know you were seeing someone seriously.Â
Your quiet Saturday afternoon turns into a full blown headache all thanks to one call from the asshole that you really thought you left in the past. Of course, now is the perfect time for him to pop back up. Now, when youâre even between any sort of casual sex. Now, when you donât even have someone that you can call up to pretend to date you. This is going to be one of the worst calls that you have to make when you have to admit you made it all up, that you will absolutely not be showing your face at the wedding, and you will also be changing your name before moving away.
For now, you do the only thing that you can think of doing. You call the only person that can give you any perspective on this whole fucking disaster.Â
âWell hello,â your best friend answers.Â
âJeonghan, I fucked up,â you say without preamble.Â
âThis is gonna be good,â he responds.Â
âI just got off the phone with my mom,â you begin.
âWhat did she want?â he asks, knowing that it wonât be anything good.
âWell, you know, to talk about this new boyfriend of mine,â you continue.
âYou havenât dated anyone in forever,â Jeonghan chuckles.Â
âThank you for that,â you snark. âAnd then, of course, I get a text from my perfect sister wondering why sheâs also just hearing about this boyfriend of mine.âÂ
âWhy do your sister and your mom think youâre dating someone?â Jeonghan asks.
âOh, well, you know. Johnny called today,â you offer.
âFuck that guy,â Jeonghan interjects.
âHe wanted to know why I hadnât responded to his wedding invite and assumed it was awkward because I was single, so I told him I was seeing someone,â you finally finish.
âFor fuckâs sake,â Jeonghan says into the silence and you can imagine his face.
âRight? My life is a fucking mess and now Johnny thinks that Iâm bringing my boyfriend,â you groan.
âIâll start planning the story for why you suddenly left town,â Jeonghan says.Â
âFor real, my life is over,â you whine.
âWhat are you gonna do?â Jeonghan asks softly.Â
This is really why you called him. Jeonghan is a shithead, sometimes, and he can be a bit of a chaos demon. He also can be a bit of a schemer, especially when it comes to winning a game. But, heâs unfailingly kind and caring to the people he holds dear. He absolutely hates getting into any kind of real conflict with his friends. Thereâs that whole side to him that honestly wouldnât hurt a fly and always has a way to comfort. Thatâs the side that you get now.Â
âI donât know,â you answer, voice just as quiet. âIâm justâŠI donât want to let him win, you know?â
And Jeonghan does know. Youâve been friends since before you started dating Johnny. Even though he never liked him, Jeonghan supported you in your relationship. When Johnny proposed, he called your other friends and set up the best engagement party anyone could ask for. From the outside, nobody would ever know that he hated your partner. Honestly, heâs the best friend anyone in the world could ask for.Â
Before he got around to setting up the bridal shower, which heâd been quietly planning for months, your whole world turned upside down. Johnny cheated, had been cheating awhile, actually, and Jeonghan was there to pick up the pieces. Somehow, he was the only one that seemed to make it better, probably because he didnât want to act like things were okay when they werenât. It was easy to cry in front of him, easy to be vulnerable, easy to just let the process play out so you could heal. Even though he never liked Johnny, he also didnât say he told you so. This had never been something that crossed his mind.Â
âOkay, youâre gonna hate it, but I have an idea,â Jeonghan says.
âThose are never comforting words coming from you,â slips out of your mouth.
âUsually Iâd yell at you, butâŠâ he trails off.Â
âI swear, if youâre about to say that we pretend to be dating like some romcom, I will hang up the phone,â you warn.
âFirst of all, thatâs rude, Iâm a great boyfriend,â Jeonghan says.Â
âI never said you werenât, Hannie, you know I think youâre gorgeous,â you sigh.Â
âThatâs true, I am,â Jeonghan says through a laugh.
âBut, I also know you remember what an unmitigated disaster it was when we fucked,â you point out, earning an even louder laugh.Â
âWow, and here I thought that it was actually great sex,â he says.Â
âIâm not gonna keep stroking your ego, I already admitted you were gorgeous. I donât need to praise the sex, too,â you declare.
âStroking myâŠcome on, youâre making it too easy,â Jeonghan points out.
âFunny, because I remember you being the easy one that night,â you say, finally managing to get a shot in.
âI hate you,â Jeonghan snorts.Â
âI know,â you answer. âDidnât you say that you had an idea?âÂ
Jeonghan clears his throat. âRight, yeah. Well, I know this guy and maybe he can help you out.âÂ
âWhat is he, an escort?â you snort out.
âDo you want my help or not?â Jeonghan asks.
âYoon Jeonghan, are you about to set me up with an escort?â you challenge.
âNo, of course not, just trust me,â he says.
Just trust me might be the three most terrifying words that could come out of Jeonghanâs mouth, especially when youâre not usually on the receiving end of his schemes. Itâs not like you have much choice, though. The wedding is in six weeks and you have to find a solution, fast. So, what choice do you have other than trusting your best friend? How could this go wrong?Â
You still think this is a terrible idea, yet agree to meet Jeonghanâs friend, Joshua, anyway. Apparently, heâs somewhat new to the area, doesnât know many people, and is incredibly easy to be around. Thereâs no mention of why Jeonghan thinks he might be willing to pretend to be your boyfriend. A part of you wonders if your friend even told him, but heâs not that cruel. So, whatever the case, Joshua must at least have some idea of what heâs walking into.Â
Several days pass between the nightmare of a call from Johnny and you actually meeting Joshua, which only adds to your anxiety about whether or not this is going to work. Johnny is asking for a name for the seating chart and for dinner selections. Your mom wants to know when theyâll be able to meet this new boyfriend before the wedding (because âmeeting him for the first time at a wedding is gaucheâ and we wouldnât want that). Your sister is convinced that he doesnât actually exist since you havenât posted him on social media. That you can at least answer to say that not everyone posts their entire life online like she does. It doesnât seem to allay her suspicions, though.Â
Then, thereâs the fact that youâre actually meeting Joshua for the first time at dinner. All you wanted was to go for coffee, yet he insisted. You couldnât exactly press the point. Not when youâre planning to ask this stranger to pretend to date you just so that you can avoid the embarrassment at your exâs wedding. On top of that, because Jeonghan really is a demon at his core, you donât know what Joshua looks like. Donât know who to look for. Which leads to you doing the only sensible thing and showing up 5 minutes late for dinner, hoping that heâll already be at the table when you get there.
It works.
When you give the reservation name at the host stand, youâre immediately led back to a table. Without even thinking about it, you smooth your hands down the front of your dress, looking for a small amount of comfort in this situation. Itâs not even that you struggle around new people, this is justâŠwell, itâs a lot. Itâs out of anyoneâs comfort zone. Whatever youâre expecting, itâs not the man sitting at the table the host leads you to. He nearly stops you in your tracks.Â
His black hair is perfectly styled down to the pieces on one side that come down over his forehead. The black dress shirt he wears is open at least one button too many, but he makes the exposed chest look work in a way models would envy. Even though his pants are black as well, he makes it look classic and effortless, rather than too dark. Thatâs all without even acknowledging the soft smile on his face. This man would break a thousand hearts without even saying a damn word. While youâre appreciating him, you miss the way his eyes rake over you appreciatively. Miss the way his eyes trace your curves and the way the dress clings to you.Â
In one fluid motion, heâs standing up to greet you, a gentle kiss placed on your cheek. Is it weird if your knees are a little weak? Well, even if it is, thereâs nothing you can do. Youâre completely captivated.Â
âYou must be Joshua,â you say. Brilliant, you think. Thatâs obvious.
âItâs nice to meet you. Jeonghan had nothing but good things to say,â he answers with another smile as he pulls your seat out for you.Â
âI feel like he hardly told me about you,â you respond. Joshua raises a perfect eyebrow at that.
âThen why did you agree to go out with me?â Joshua asks.Â
âGo out withâŠis this a date?â The question comes tumbling out.Â
Joshuaâs eyes widen in genuine confusion. âIs it not?âÂ
âWhat, exactly, did Jeonghan say to you?âÂ
A lot and nothing at all, it turns out. Joshua tells you about how heâs somewhat new to the area, which you knew. About how he met Jeonghan through work, kind of. They work in the same building doing very different things and happened to run into each other getting coffee a handful of times before Jeonghan introduced himself. The two had hung out several times, something Jeonghan had not really mentioned, and gotten to know each other over drinks more than once. The very first time, Jeonghan had mentioned you and Joshua admits immediately being intrigued without pressing for more information.Â
In any case, Jeonghan talked about you pretty freely, a fact thatâs hardly surprising. Before Joshua texted you, Jeonghan had mentioned, in what Joshua calls an offhand way, that you were sick of dating the same people. According to Joshua, through Jeonghan, you were looking to possibly be set up. (Read: Jeonghan thinks heâs crafty and isnât going to come out and tell this man what youâre really looking for. Typical Jeonghan, honestly. You know that âoffhand commentâ was anything but. And you had the audacity to think Jeonghan would have to tell Joshua what heâs getting into. Rookie move.)
Now youâre in a bit of an awkward situation because this man is honestly gorgeous, one of the prettiest humans youâve ever met. And, already, he seems like he might be sweet with a pretty good sense of humor. Itâs justâŠwell, youâre absolutely not looking for a relationship and this is the last person you want to get involved in your mess. Thankfully, you get a moment to catch your breath when someone comes by to take a drink order and suggest an appetizer. Itâs just enough time for you to talk yourself into telling Joshua the real story.
To his credit, he only looks mildly surprised as you outline your whole situation, inform him that yes, Jeonghan does know all of this, and clarify why you didnât actually realize it was a date. Itâs hard to miss the way his eyes seem to sparkle a bit when you also admit that heâs absolutely stunning in a way that hurts your feelings. Easier to miss is the way his face barely falls when you say that youâre not actually looking for something right now. Interesting.Â
âSo thatâs the whole thing and now that Iâve embarrassed myself in front of you, Iâm sure youâll understand if we never see each other after tonight,â you finish.
âHow am I supposed to go to a wedding as your boyfriend in a matter of weeks if we donât see each other after tonight?â Joshua wonders.
âIâŠwhat?â you sputter out.Â
âWell, sure, we need to work out a few details, but Iâm game,â Joshua says with a shrug.
âIâm sorry, I think Iâm just really confused?â You donât even have food yet and this is already the most interesting date youâve been on, possibly ever.Â
âI, uh, may have left a part of my past out when I was sharing what Jeonghan knew about me,â Joshua says. âAnd honestly, I canât believe I didnât catch it or that he did this. Iâd be mad if I wasnât so impressed by how crafty it was.âÂ
âIâm going to need you to connect some dots for me,â you admit. âOh and also never tell Jeonghan you appreciate him being crafty. His ego is too big as it is.â
âThe first time Jeonghan and I hung out, we went out for drinks, got a little wasted, and I told him about how I got through my university studies without any debts,â Joshua says, pausing long enough for someone to set the appetizer down. âHeâs observant, Jeonghan, Iâll give him that. He noticed I had designer clothes, shoes, that kind of thing. And he noticed I didnât pay attention to the prices of the drinks. So I made a vague comment about being lucky to have found a way through my studies without taking out loans.â
âIâm sure he asked you about that, he loves it when he thinks thereâs a scheme,â you note with a smile.
âYouâre right about that,â Joshua agrees. âSo I, well I told him. When I was in school, I met this woman out one night and she paid me to go to events with her. She wanted, and these were her words, âsomeone young and hotâ with her. And the next four years, thatâs what I did. I let people pay for me to go to events with them. Never more than that. I was clear that I wasnât selling sex or anything, just company.âÂ
You lean back in your seat with an appraising look. âAn entrepreneur from the beginning.âÂ
âHey, no judgment,â Joshua says. All you can do is smile.
âIâm not judging, that was really smart and youâre obviously attractive enough for it,â you acknowledge.
âThank you,â Joshua says. It doesnât have the air of cockiness Jeonghanâs answer would. He actually seems sincere in accepting the compliment.Â
âBut, Iâm still not going to pay you to pretend to be my boyfriend,â you say, even if itâs a bit reluctant.Â
âI wasnât asking you to,â Joshua shrugs. âYou donât have to pay me.â
âWhy would you offer to pretend to do something like this? You donât even know me,â you point out.
âNo, I donât. But, you seem like a good person. And I like Jeonghan, heâs niceâŠâ Joshua says, stopping when you try to cover a scoff.Â
âNice?â you question when youâre caught.
âWrong word choice,â Joshua dismisses. âHe seems like the kind of person thatâs a loyal friend, like he would go into battle to protect you. Like someone you can actually trust.â
âHe is all of those things, yeah,â you admit.
âAnd if those things are true, then him holding you out as his best friend means youâre probably all of those things too,â Joshua reasons.Â
âI try to be,â you agree.Â
âPlus, Jeonghan did mention you had seriously dated someone that was pretty rich, so I figure itâs probably the guy getting married and itâll be a nice wedding,â Joshua says with a smile. The joke is obvious by the look in his eyes.
âItâs interesting that he mentioned Johnny, thatâs my ex, being rich,â you idly comment.
âIs he not?â Joshua wonders.
âJeonghan is a lot of things, but heâd never lie to his friends,â you answer first. âSo, yeah, he is. Well, his family is at least. His mom and mine run a lot of events together, like galas and shit. Thatâs how we all know each other.â
âAre you rich, too?â Joshua wonders. Thereâs that little twinkle of something in his eyes again, but thereâs also sincerity.
âIâm still not paying you,â you retort.
âFine,â Joshua agrees.Â
You roll your eyes. âOkay, so whatâs the plan?âÂ
Thereâs a weird worldâs colliding feeling to having both Jeonghan and Joshua in your apartment. But, Jeonghan doesnât like to be left out of things. Once you told him that you and Joshua both knew about his scheming, he offered to help in any way he could. Which is likely just so heâs included. Youâll take what you can get. Now, it means that he and Joshua are sitting on your couch, scrolling through pictures on Joshuaâs phone to decide what to include in an instagram post. Thatâs the first step you and Joshua agreed on. If youâre going to sell this whole fake relationship, then your sister actually is right. There has to be some sort of proof of it online. Which also means that your post has to talk about how youâve been keeping it quiet and just enjoying getting to know each other without any pressure. Jeonghan takes credit for that, even if you got there on your own.Â
âI think I like this one,â Jeonghan says and turns the phone around to show you.Â
âWhy that one?â you ask.Â
âWhy not? Donât you like it?â Joshua worries.
âI donât know, I feel like my hand is doing something weird,â you point out.
âYou look great,â Joshua assures you.
âOh, ew, youâre not really dating,â Jeonghan complains.Â
âYou do know youâre going to have to stop saying that, right?â you ask.
âMaybe I didnât know either,â Jeonghan shrugs.
âNo, Iâm with her, youâre her best friend and you definitely wouldâve known,â Joshua agrees.Â
âWhy are you on her side already?â Jeonghan whines.
âBecause sheâs cool and sheâs not the one who knew what I did in college and set me up,â Joshua says with a laugh.Â
This is how itâs been going for the last hour. Youâre not really much for putting a lot of effort into your posts, so this all feels like too much. But, you know that itâs important for it to feel real and itâs important to get it right. Youâre honestly pretty happy to just let the guys take the lead and go with the flow of it all. There are going to be plenty of opportunities for you to take the lead. Youâre going to take your breaks where you can.Â
(That had also meant not putting up too much of a fight when Jeonghan told you to bring multiple outfits with you. Or when you had to change your hairstyle and makeup between the photos so it looked like they hadnât all been taken the same day. Honestly, this was so much easier for Joshua. Then again, heâs the one doing you a favor. So maybe you can let him have it.)
After you finally get your couple pictures posted, and get a flurry of messages ranging from surprise to congratulations, you move onto preparing Joshua to meet your parents, your sister, and her husband. Jeonghan is actually a lot of help with that because heâs been around them a lot. Well, heâs helpful after he tries to scare Joshua about how intimidating itâs going to be only to give up when Joshua is unbothered. Heâs so calm about everything that itâs actually kind of nice to be around. And he has no problem firing back at Jeonghan, which is really fun to watch.Â
You go through what your parents are like, what they do both for work and as hobbies. Joshua perks up at the mention of your dad loving music and sometimes spending his weekends just exploring new venues. It seems like there might be more to that, though you donât press when he waves it off. Itâs different when you talk about your sister, two years younger and already married. Not that youâre dying to be married or even care that she got married before you. Thatâs always seemed like a weird societal expectation, anyway. What does it matter when anyone gets married? If itâs their right person, then it makes sense. You being upset over your failed engagement really doesnât have anything to do with your sisterâs marriage, despite her instance it does.Â
It becomes obvious that youâre losing Jeonghanâs attention when you turn down his request to start playing games or watch a movie. Itâs not that you donât want to do those things, itâs just that you have a lot to cover in far less time than you realized. Sure, the wedding is still weeks away. Whatâs not weeks away is your first dinner with your family. Thatâs going to be around the corner. The least you could do, you figured, was plan a time before posting pictures on instagram. So, Jeonghan asks if itâs okay to leave and you almost sigh in relief. This will be easier without an extra person.
âNot to pry, but whatâs the deal with you and Jeonghan?â Joshua asks when you settle back on the couch with a glass of wine.Â
âWhat do you mean?â you ask.
âI donât know, I feel like I was picking up on something,â Joshua shrugs.
âWeâre really just friends,â you assure him.
âSometimes those are the bestâŠâ Joshua starts.
âDonât,â you cut off. He worries for a second before he realizes youâre smiling. âWe did try. Not so much a try, I guess, but we slept together maybe 6 months after Johnny and I broke it off and it just wasnât it.âÂ
âYou and him slept together?â Joshua questions.
âIs that weird for you?â you ask.
âNo, itâs just interesting that youâre still so close,â Joshua observes.
âI guess,â you say with a shrug. âHeâs great, obviously attractive, but we just, I donât know. I didnât feel anything. Neither did he. So, staying friends seemed like the right choice.â
âInteresting,â is all Joshua says. âHave you dated anyone seriously since Johnny?âÂ
âNot that seriously, no,â you admit. âIâve gone on dates with different people and some of them stuck around for a bit, but nothing serious.âÂ
âNot finding the right people?â Joshua presses.
âI just havenât found anyone that made me feel like Johnny did at the beginning or even like I did when he proposed,â you say.Â
âI can understand that, even if I donât really get it. Youâre gorgeous, anyone would be lucky,â he says smoothly. You cover a blush with a slight eye roll.Â
âI guess thatâs why most of my close friends will also believe that I kept a new relationship on the low. They saw me post-Johnny and have seen me try to date,â you share.
âYeah thatâs good for us, at least,â Joshua agrees.
âWhat about you, though? When was your last relationship?â you ask.
âAh, well itâs been a little over a year,â Joshua says.Â
âBad ending?â you wonder. Youâre not sure why you press him on it.
âIt wasnât great,â Joshua says with a chuckle. âShe, uh, well she decided that she just really would rather be with one of my friends than with me.â
âIâm so sorry you went through that,â you say, suddenly sorry.
âNo, no, itâs fine,â he says. âShe didnât actually cheat on me, but she had started getting close to him and sharing everything with him.â
âArguably worse, in my opinion. Emotional cheating is still a thing,â you say, trying to offer comfort.Â
âThank you,â Joshua says. His eyes are soft and full of care. âAnd, like you, I have dated since then, just nothing worth talking about.âÂ
Itâs an easy transition from that into talking about your backgrounds. Like speed dating, except somehow more intense. You learn Joshuaâs birthday, his parents names, that heâs an only child, and where he grew up. Nothing is too small and you joke about taking notes before you actually go to get a notebook. Joshua tells you his favorite color and his favorite food, tells you about his favorite memories, favorite places where he grew up, and favorite places heâs found since moving here. Thereâs a way that his face lights up when he talks about his friends thatâs drawing you in. You tell him the same. That all feels a little surface level, which you point out. If this is going to work, it has to be deeper, more serious.Â
Thatâs when something seems to almost break down. Joshua suggests that you tell each other the deep stuff, the things that you donât always admit to someone youâre dating. Or, maybe you admit it and donât get into the reasons why. When Joshua goes first and admits that heâs happiest when heâs playing his guitar, even if nobody else is listening, his whole face changes. Itâs like a completely different version of him. Heâs got an open face as it is, that hasnât changed, but you realize maybe heâs a little guarded behind the smile as well. Maybe there really is more depth than he wants anyone to realize. Maybe this is going to be more interesting than you thought.
âCan I hear you play?â you ask. His face is adorable with his eyes full of surprise.
âYou want to hear me play?â Thereâs an emotion you canât place when he looks at you.
âI love music, too, Joshua,â you say softly. âIâd love to see what youâre passionate about.â
âOh, well, I usually play at this acoustic night on Thursdays at a coffee shop downtown,â Joshua tells you.
âYou do? Thatâs so cute!â you say before second guessing it. He looks away like heâs a little embarrassed and you worry for a split second.
âIâd love it if you came by,â he says.
âItâs a shame that we canât say thatâs where we met,â you admit.
âWait, that would be a good idea, actually,â Joshua says and you smile.Â
âIt would be, but I also know events like that. Itâs always a similar crowd so Iâm sure someone will know that Iâve never been,â you reason.Â
âFair point,â Joshua concedes.Â
âWhy donât we just say we met on a dating app?â you suggest and Joshua pulls up his face. âOkay, I know apps are lame and honestly, I donât use them much. But, think about it. Thatâs the perfect reason why we didnât bring it up until now, we didnât want to answer the âwhere did you meetâ question by saying an app.âÂ
âOkay, yeah, I do actually like that because itâs easy and it doesnât feel like a wild story,â Joshua says.Â
âWhat about your parents?â you ask. âDo we need to make plans to meet them if youâre also posting about me?âÂ
âWe can figure that out, but they live pretty far away so it would probably just be over FaceTime or something,â he says.
âI also understand if you donât want to do that because weâre just pretending,â you suggest.Â
âNo, itâd be cool to have you meet them. Even if the relationship isnât real, Iâd like to be friends for real, so thatâs not a total lie,â Joshua reasons.Â
âIâd like to be friends too,â you agree. âHow long have you been living here, now?âÂ
âOh, um, like 8 months?â Joshua says like a question.
âI was figuring like a month or two with the way Jeonghan talks about you,â you laugh.Â
âYouâve been friends with him for years, youâre not actually surprised,â Joshua points out.Â
âOkay so now I guess we have to figure out when we started dating,â you comment.
âAnd everything else, but we can do it,â Joshua says.Â
Youâre a little nervous sitting on your couch waiting for Joshua to show up. Even though you offered to pick him up for dinner with your family tonight, he insisted on being the one to drive. Of course heâs right on time, which youâre already realizing is a trait of his. Heâs even a gentleman when he opens the door for you, just like he pulled the chair out the first time you met for the date-not-date. As you put your seatbelt on, you notice that there are a few things in the backseat.Â
âWhatâs all that?â you ask as he slides into the driverâs seat.Â
âFlowers for your mom, a bottle of scotch for your dad, and a cheese board for your sister because you said they just moved and she likes to host,â Joshua lists off as if itâs nothing.
âYou did not have to get things for all of them,â you point out.Â
âOf course I did, but I also wanted to. Iâm trying to make a good impression,â he says, making your heart a little light.
âThatâs so kind,â you whisper out.
âOh, I thought of something else,â Joshua shifts. Youâre worried you made him uncomfortable until he speaks again. âAre you a pet name person in relationships?â
That makes you snort, something that would embarrass you in any other situation. Itâs not the first time heâs heard it, though. âThat depends on what you want to call me.â
âThatâs a dangerous way to say that,â Joshua answers. His eyes are still on the road, yet you donât miss the way he reacts.
âI donât like overly cutesy names,â you say to diffuse a little bit of the moment. âLike, I donât know, if you want to call me sugarplum or honeybunch or something like that, please donât.â
âYouâre just giving me ideas to take away my fun,â he pouts.
âWell, what were you thinking of calling me? Or are you even a pet name person?â you ask.
âI do like them,â Joshua says. âIâm not sure that I have a go-to or anything. For you, I might say angel or possibly darling.â
âI think I prefer angel, if Iâm allowed to pick,â you say after a moment.
âOf course,â Joshua replies. Studying his face, youâre looking for a hint of mocking or insincerity, but thereâs nothing to find. This is just him.
âDo you want me to use a pet name for you?â you wonder.
âIâd happily take one, no pressure, though,â he says.Â
âIâll have to think about it,â you tell him. âSomething generic like babe doesnât feel right.â
âAre you saying Iâm special?â Now you can hear the light teasing in his voice.Â
âI take it back, any more compliments are going to go to your head,â you huff out.Â
As you get closer to your parentsâ house, you start to bounce your knee with an excess of nervous energy. Itâs not until Joshua reaches a hand out to take one of yours that youâre even sure youâre doing it. Thereâs something calming about it, though. Nothing about him reaching out feels like heâs trying to stop you, just show that youâre not alone in this. Which is more than welcome. The last person you brought to meet your parents was Johnny. Given how that ended and why Joshua is around in the first place, itâs not exactly the most comforting thought.
Once you pull up to their house, you take a deep breath. Itâs only to settle your rising nerves, but it also serves to give Joshua enough time to come and open your door. Even though youâve told him that he doesnât need to be this sweet, he insists. Without saying a word, he holds out a hand to help you out of the car. Instead of dropping your hand once youâre out, he uses it to pull you into him and wraps his arms around you. Thereâs this immediate sense of comfort, like you have actually been dating for months. You inhale his cologne without meaning to, something warm and woodsy.Â
âItâs going to be fine, parents love me,â he assures you when you pull away.
âI donât doubt that,â you say, releasing the breath you were holding and your tension with it.Â
âSo come on, my little granola wrapper, letâs go,â Joshua says as he lets you go to get the gifts out of his backseat.Â
It takes you a full few seconds to register what came out of his mouth. âIâm sorry, what did you just call me?âÂ
âIs that not the one?â he asks, eyes alight with some kind of mischief.Â
âIâm not going to encourage this,â you huff.
âWhatever you say, jellybean,â he throws out casually.Â
The second you step into the house, you see exactly what Joshua means. Your mother is fawning over him in a matter of seconds, your father is making plans to show him his records, your sisterâs husband is asking when they can go out for drinks, and your sister even holds back the snark. All during the course of the pre-dinner drinks and largely, you think, due to the gifts that Joshua brought. He had a reason for the meaning behind the type of flowers for your mother, a favorite musician who swore by the scotch for your dad, and even bought the cheese board from a small business that customized things.Â
Dinner comes along and you still feel like youâve barely said anything with Joshua masterfully steering the conversation. He even makes it sound good that you met on an app, with his improvised story of wanting to meet people in a new city. According to him, he wasnât expecting to meet someone like you and was done for the second he saw you sitting at dinner. Itâs something real, that you met him for dinner the first time at a fancy downtown restaurant. And you realize you never actually asked what his impression was that first night. More than once, you catch yourself watching his profile as he talks to one of your family members. Everything about him is at ease and you wonder if it really is all fake. Not that you think anything about him is disingenuous, heâs just really good at making people like him.Â
The only hiccup doesnât come until your mother is pulling out dessert. According to your sister, sheâs got an excellent pie in the refrigerator that you simply have to try. Youâre about to say something when Joshua beats you to it.Â
âI donât think my little sugarplum likes fruit pies, but it sounds amazing and Iâd love a piece,â Joshua interjects smoothly.Â
Your sister nearly spits out her drink, whether itâs at the nickname or him speaking up for you, youâre not sure. In any other situation, you would scold him for the name, but youâre a little stunned he remembers you donât like pie. It came up once in a rapid fire of likes and dislikes.Â
âYouâre right, she doesnât,â your sister agrees. âIâd almost forgotten.âÂ
(Thatâs when youâre sure it was another of your sisterâs tests. Trying to catch you in some kind of lie about your relationship. But, it doesnât work and you feel a little victorious for that.)
The doorbell rings through the house and you look to your mother, silently asking if sheâs expecting someone. Itâs unusual for them to have company calling this late on a Friday night. Itâs usually reserved for dinners with friends or family or galas. Unsurprisingly, your mother doesnât seem to know who it could be, but disappears to answer the door all the same. When a voice drifts through from the hallway, you freeze on the spot.
âI really just came by to drop that off for my mom, I didnât realize it was so late. Iâd hate to intrude on dessert,â the guest says.Â
âNonsense, youâre not interrupting,â your mother insists.Â
âI saw an unfamiliar car, so I figured you might have guests,â he says as they come through the doorway into the living area.Â
Your heart stutters a little in your chest, feels heavier for seeing him. Somehow he looks taller and broader than the last time you saw him. Heâs wearing his hair shorter and he looks more mature, somehow, like heâs seen so much more of the world than when you were together. Which is probably true, if you think about it. Itâs been a couple years and that means heâs had more time working with his father.Â
âThat would be my car,â Joshua says, getting to his feet immediately and extending his hand. âIâm Joshua.âÂ
âJohnny,â he answers and shakes Joshuaâs hand. Yet, his face looks a little tense and his eyes mostly stay on you.Â
âItâs just family,â your mother shares, though Johnny can obviously see that himself, âsince our darling daughter finally brought Joshua around to meet us.âÂ
âIâm glad she did, dinner was wonderful and the company was even better,â Joshua says with a smile at your mother. She nearly blushes at his compliment.Â
âOh, hush,â your mother says with a wave of her hand. âI was just getting some pie if youâd like to stay for a piece, Johnny. Although, Iâd hate to keep you from home.â
Joshua sits back down next to you, a little closer than is strictly necessary, and puts his arm along the back of the couch behind you. You feel safe pressed up against his side like that. Johnny clears his throat when he looks away from the pair of you. âGabby has been out of town all week, actually, so Iâm going back to an empty home anyway. Iâd love to stay for a piece of your famous cherry pie.âÂ
âGreat!â your mother says and disappears off into the kitchen.Â
âWhatâs got Gabby away?â your sister asks.Â
âJust a conference,â Johnny answers. âThere was a final banquet tonight and sheâll be home tomorrow.âÂ
âSheâs busy, away this week, bachelorette next weekend,â she says offhand.Â
âKeeping tabs on when everything is?â you ask of your sister. She looks at you like youâre crazy and Johnny looks awkward.
âNo, I was invited to it,â your sister answers evenly.Â
Before you can even answer, Joshua is speaking up. Probably sensing your discomfort. After all, you hadnât gotten to tell him that Johnnyâs fiance is friends with your younger sister. They had gone to school together and been close. Stealing her sisterâs fiancĂ©e doesnât seem to have impacted the friendship.Â
âYou must be excited with the big day getting so close,â Joshua says. He moves his arm from behind you so that he can take your hand on your thigh. It makes you look down at your hands before glancing at him, only to find his gaze on you already. It also means you miss the way Johnny follows the movement.Â
âUh, yeah, I mean, Iâm definitely excited. Itâs just been a lot of planning,â Johnny says.Â
âI bet,â Joshua says. âThank you so much for inviting me, I know how stressful changes can be.âÂ
âItâs no problem, Iâm happy youâll both be there,â Johnny says.Â
With almost a practiced subtlety, Joshua squeezes your hand. Thereâs so much in that one movement. A reassurance, a reminder to breathe, a reminder that heâs there, a promise that everything is going to be okay. Your heart hurts seeing Johnny sitting in the living room so casually as if nothing happened, but it doesnât hurt as much as you expected. Maybe that has something to do with this impossibly kind, completely idiotic person next to you. You also canât help the way your gaze lands on him. Just in profile, at first, before he senses your look and turns to you with a dazzling smile. Itâs like thereâs nobody else in the world but the two of you.
The conversation shifts slightly when your mother comes back in with a tray full of pie slices and your father comes back with whatever record he was looking for to show Joshua. Just like that, you survive your first in-person interaction with Johnny. Actually come out of it feeling like you might be able to handle this. The smile you send Joshua while heâs eating his pie is so fond that youâre not even sure who you are.Â
âI canât believe you didnât call me last night,â Jeonghan says in lieu of a hello.
âHello to you too, Iâm good, thanks for asking,â you retort.
âGreetings are for people who remember their best friends, not for people who send a single sentence recap after bringing their fake boyfriend home to meet the family,â Jeonghan states immediately.
âThatâs a very long rule,â you note.
âDeserved, though,â Jeonghan says.
âI was tired, Han, it was a long night,â you explain.
âA long night where your ex showed up,â he reminds you.
âThat actually wasnât so bad,â you admit. âJoshua made it feel pretty easy.â
âOh did he now?âÂ
You donât have to be in the same room as Jeonghan to hear the expression on his face when he says that. âIt was just easy, Jeonghan, nothing more than that.â
âWhat did your parents think?â he asks, switching gears.
âThey loved him, like actually loved him. My mom was enamored and kept calling him handsome. My dad was talking about music with him and making plans to go check out some acoustic music venue. Even the ice queen couldnât find anything to fault him for,â you share.
âSheâs less of an ice queen and more of a mean girl and a bitch,â Jeonghan adds.
âYou said it,â you mumble.
âI mean, come on, who thinks itâs okay for their friend to sleep with their sisterâs fiancĂ©? And then stays friends with the girl?â Jeonghan gets really defensive with this. He would ride for you to the ends of the world, which you do love. Just not today.Â
âI donât wanna relive that whole thing, itâs done and over. Nothing to do now,â you say, weariness seeping into your voice.
âWould you want to do anything about it?â Jeonghan asks.
âWhat do you mean?â You answer the question with a question.
âLike would you want to go back to when you were with Johnny?â Jeonghan asks.
You think about it for half a second. âNo.âÂ
âThat was fast,â Jeonghan comments.
âWhatâs there to go back to? He made his choice and Iâm fine, honestly. It was weird seeing him and hearing him talk about his wedding, but it wasnât as bad as I thought,â you say.
âIs that because of your Prince Charming?â Your best friend, always doing the most, puts this question into a sing-song voice.Â
âHeâs not a Prince Charming. Youâre so annoying,â you scoff.Â
âI donât know, he sure seems to be saving you,â Jeonghan presses.Â
âI canât withâŠâ you start, trailing off at the knock on your door.
âWhoâs there?â Jeonghan asks.Â
âNo clue,â you answer, getting off your couch to go see.Â
âI bet itâs Prince Charming,â Jeonghan laughs out.
âWould you fuckâŠâ you begin as you open the door to find the very subject of your conversation on the other side, âoff.â
âIâm right arenât I?â Jeonghan is nearly shrieking with glee.
âSorry, gotta go,â you say.
âOh no, no, no,â Jeonghan tries.
Youâre stepping aside to let Joshua into your apartment. âIâll see you tomorrow for brunch.â
âLet me know if I need to add one more to the reservation,â Jeonghan says.Â
âGoodbye,â you say with an eye roll Jeonghan canât see, but will surely hear. You hang up as soon as he also says goodbye.
âJeonghan?â Joshua guesses.
âUnfortunately,â you confirm.Â
âI hope I wasnât interrupting,â Joshua says. Itâs nothing like when someone says it out of forced courtesy. He actually seems like heâs making sure heâs not intruding.Â
âNo, not at all, I just wasnât expecting you,â you admit.Â
âSometimes thatâs the best time to come over,â Joshua says with a shrug.
âDoes that mean you have a plan?â you wonder.
âYup,â Joshua says.
âGonna tell me what it is?â you ask.
âNope,â he says with a concerning smile, popping the end of nope. âGo put on something comfortable but with layers. And weâre not going hiking or anything like that.âÂ
An hour later, youâre pulling off the road in an area youâve never been to, even with as long as youâve lived here. The views are instantly enough to take your breath away. You can see the whole city below you, all the bustle of traffic and skyscrapers. Somewhere, you know there are people rushing to and fro, too busy to stop and appreciate whatâs around them. Straight ahead, you can see the way the low clouds glide around, splitting around the very tops of the buildings. Itâs beautiful and it also makes you realize just how small you are.Â
While youâve been appreciating the views in front of you, Joshua has been gathering his supplies from the trunk. By the time you turn around, heâs laying a blanket and basket down on the ground in front of the car.Â
âIs thisâŠdid you set up a picnic?â you ask.
âI wanted to show you this place and figured some food might be nice,â he says with an easy smile.Â
âThatâs so sweet,â you say earnestly.
You settle on the blanket next to him and look through the food heâs pulling out. There are some of your favorite things and some things youâre not even sure youâve seen before. Somehow, though, you feel like they might become some of your new favorites. He even brought plates and he sets about putting one together for you to pick at.
Joshua tells you about how this is his favorite place and he found it completely by accident. He loves being down in the city and around all the people, but thereâs something nice about seeing things from this perspective too. Itâs like he can just disconnect for a while. Turn off his phone. Read or listen to music. Just be totally alone. Itâs how he works through a problem or gets the perspective he needs.
âI canât believe youâre sharing it with me,â you admit and his eyes light up with his smile.
âI just thought, after last night, you might appreciate having a place to get away from it all,â Joshua says.
You want to say something, anything, really, to acknowledge what Joshua just said. Try to say something. Your throat doesnât want to cooperate, it seems. Your brain, either. In fact, all you can manage to do is turn away to hide the tears. Joshua is observant, though. He doesnât say anything, just pulls you into his chest and runs his hand along your back. He quietly soothes you as you cry out a lot of emotions you didnât even realize you were experiencing.Â
And something about him comforting you, this near stranger who doesnât actually owe you anything, sets you off more. In the early days of your relationship with Johnny, you know it was good. It must have been. Surely, it was more than a relationship between two people who had known each other for years with families that were intertwined. You donât remember it anymore. Donât remember him ever holding you like this without even knowing what was wrong. Donât remember him taking you on a date like this just because he thought you would enjoy it. Since you havenât seriously dated anyone since the break-up, he also feels like your only frame of reference. That makes you sad for an entirely different reason. Who loses it over someone just being a little kind?
âIâm so sorry,â you finally say when you manage to pull yourself together.Â
âFor what?â he asks.Â
âFor just crying like that and being such a mess,â you say.Â
Joshua shakes his head. Moves his hand up to your face and waits for confirmation that itâs okay. When you nod, he gently wipes the tears from under your eyes. âYou have nothing to apologize for. What youâre going through with your ex, most of us could never even imagine that kind of pain.â
âBut still, you barely know me and here you are trying to be kind and all I can do is cry,â you say.Â
âFirst of all, I think last night and the food I put together show Iâve actually learned a lot about you in a short time,â he says and you have to laugh at that. Heâs right. âSecond, Iâm just happy you feel safe enough with me to cry. Itâs not healthy to hold all that in. Youâre not in this alone.â
That brings you up short more than anything. Heâs right, again (an annoying habit, if youâre being honest). You donât feel any hesitation around him. Nothing to stop you from crying if you feel like crying. Thatâs unusual, to say the least. Normally, youâll do anything to avoid anyone seeing you emotional. But, this man you just met is different. Heâs safe. Youâre not sure how or why, but you know you can trust him.Â
âAre you free tomorrow for brunch?â you ask. Joshua gives you a quizzical look for a moment at the sudden topic change.Â
âYeah, why?â he asks.Â
âI just need to send one quick text and then I want to do what you said you normally do here. Disconnect from the world and just appreciate the afternoon,â you say and find yourself smiling along with his smile. He really is so beautiful.Â
You: add one to the reservation for brunch tomorrow and iâll call you tonight when iâm home
You switch your phone into Do Not Disturb before the response comes and turn all your attention back to Joshua.Â
Over the next couple weeks, Joshua slips seamlessly into your life and your existing friendships. Some of them, like those closest to you that come along to the Sunday brunches, know the whole story. Itâs not like they would believe you had kept a relationship secret for that long, anyway. And itâs good to have a few extra sets of eyes and ears helping to sell the story. Other friends get the same story that your family and Johnny got. Itâs not that you donât trust them, you do. Itâs more important to keep the circle of people who know the real story as small as possible, though, so that it actually succeeds. All your friends adore him from the second they meet him. The only surprise is how well Jeonghan seems to be adjusting to sharing your time. He wants to give you a hard time, yet he doesnât.Â
You meet all Joshuaâs friends and coworkers, too. It feels way easier than it should the first time you join him and his coworkers after work for drinks. They spend most of the time giving Joshua a hard time that heâs kept you to himself for so long. Itâs easy to fall into step and you find that you do know him a lot better than you think. So, itâs just as easy for you to jump in when theyâre giving him a hard time. He pretends to be annoyed, but you can tell by the way he smiles that he likes it. Itâs one of those genuine smiles that makes his eyes bigger and brighter. Everything just feelsâŠeasy. Like this whole thing wasnât actually a bad idea after all.Â
Your favorite part might be the first time you got with him to an Open Mic Night and get to see him play. Heâs got that easy kind of confidence on the guitar. Like he knows heâs talented, but not in a cocky way. Itâs his singing that catches you off guard. His voice moves over the notes with an ease that makes you wonder why this isnât something heâs doing for a living. Heâs got this way of pulling you into songs that you donât even know. And heâs so kind with the people that show up just to see him play. They all seem just as happy to meet you and know that heâs happy.Â
Thereâs only been one part thatâs been difficult. Not difficult, exactly, but not as comfortable as some of the other things. While you and Joshua talked through anything and everything to prepare to start a fake relationship, you covered comfort levels with physical affection. You both say youâre comfortable with physical touch, though he seems to seek it out more than you do. That includes at least some level of PDA as a couple. Youâve never really been one to just randomly make out with a partner in public, but youâve never been shy about expressing affection either. It was fine, when it was all theoretical.Â
In actual practice, itâs been a little more difficult. The first time Joshua had pressed a kiss to the side of your head while you were out with people that didnât know it was fake caught you off guard. It shouldnât have, he asked before doing it and you confirmed it was fine. What you hadnât been entirely prepared for was how it would feel when he did it. Or how it would feel that he was so casual about it, like it was the most normal thing in the world. Like it wasnât making you rethink everything in your life.Â
Tonight, youâre hanging out with friends at Hyejinâs house. You and her have been friends since before you even started school. So, she knows whatâs really going on with Joshua. Your other friends there, though, are mostly not in on it. Which is fine. Youâre shockingly comfortable with the song and dance.Â
Itâs not actually fine.Â
It starts the same as any other time youâve been out somewhere with him. Youâre sitting close together on the couch, thighs pressed together, with his arm behind you along the back of the couch. Periodically, his fingers play with the sleeve of your shirt. Itâs an absentminded habit and youâre used to it. Heâs usually keeping some sort of contact with you in a very subtle way. You learned right away that he did like physical touch, but it was rarely something obvious. One drink in and his affection got a little more obvious. Arm wrapped firmly around you. More kisses pressed to the side of your head.Â
Two drinks in and it changes again. He removes his arm from around you in favor of holding your hand. Playing with your fingers while heâs having other conversations, like he doesnât even realize. Hand squeezing your thigh. Or tracing patterns into the material of your pants. Head dropping down on your shoulder when heâs not talking to someone else. And itâs definitely not fine. Youâre nursing your drink, but even if you werenât, his constant presence would sober you. Since youâve just finally finished your first, you think maybe a second is a good idea.
Itâs not. Joshua gets another drink, his third, and you decline. Instead, you stick with the water youâve been drinking since you couldnât even finish your second. You want to be able to respond, whatever happens. Respond to whatever new form of affection unlocks with this next drink.Â
âI hope you stick around, youâre my favorite of the partners that weâve met,â Mimi announces to Joshua when he plops back down next to you.Â
Youâre glad that you hadnât taken a sip because it wouldâve come out immediately. Mimi has been a friend for a long time as well, and you love her, but she doesnât know the truth.Â
âDonât I know it,â Joshua agrees, earning a lot of laughter.Â
âHave you met Johnny yet? I know youâre going to the wedding,â Taehyung wonders.Â
âYeah Johnny showed up magically the night I brought him by to meet my parents, sister, and brother-in-law,â you say, regaining some composure.Â
âI think you traded up,â Joshua says, eyes laser focused on you.Â
Youâre not so lucky this time and you just took a sip. You nearly choke. âDo you?â
âDefinitely,â Joshua insists.Â
âI agree,â Jimin says and Mimi elbows him in the side. âWhat?â
âYouâre going to the wedding,â she says.Â
âSo? Heâs a fucking tool,â Jimin shrugs off.Â
âAre you all going, then?â Joshua asks.Â
âA good portion of us, yeah,â Hyejin says. âFamily connections, you know?âÂ
âI wasnât invited,â Mimi pouts.Â
âWant to come?â Taehyung asks and Mimi laughs.Â
âTae, my love, you canât just invite people,â Mimi says and shakes her head.Â
âI have a plus-one,â Taehyung says with a shrug. âI think we all knew I wouldnât make it to the wedding in my relationship. But, Johnny still thinks Iâm bringing someone.â
âDamn, okay. Iâm in,â Mimi says.Â
âIâm not going either, my family ties werenât enough to get an invite,â Jeonghan says without any sorrow in his eyes.Â
âThatâs because of what you said to him after the break up,â Hyejin interrupts with a laugh.Â
âI donât remember saying anything that bad,â Jeonghan shrugs, and examines his finger nails to show how little he cares.Â
âRemind me to show you what he said some time, it was fucking gold,â Hyejin says to Joshua.
âDo you have it saved?â you ask.
âI should have it framed, honestly,â Hyejin says. âGet you a best friend like Jeonghan, for real, for real.âÂ
âHey, thatâs my best friend, get your own,â you joke.Â
âThatâs a shame you wonât be there though, Han, I couldâve used the familiar face,â Joshua says.
âLike youâre going to be paying attention to anyone but your date,â Hyejin teases.Â
âCan you blame me? I still canât believe how lucky I got,â Joshua says without any hint that heâs pretending. It makes your heart skip a couple beats as you try to catch your breath.Â
âUgh, Iâm so single,â Mimi whines.Â
âMaybe not after the wedding,â Hyejin teases.Â
The conversations devolve from there into separate, smaller chats. Joshua is back to tracing patterns into your leg. Without warning, he pops his head up and places a quick peck on your lips before dropping his head onto your shoulder again. Heâs so nonchalant about it that youâre not really sure it even happened. Youâve kissed a couple times like that, quick pecks in public. But, itâs always been when youâve talked about it. It isnât until you look up to meet Jeonghanâs eyes that you know it all really happened.Â
Joshua, unaware that heâs just turned your world a little upside down, moves his head to look at you again. âYouâre beautiful, you know.â
Itâs barely a whisper and you know heâs not drunk. Heâs not sober either, though. And youâve had drinks around each other before. Heâs just never been quite so glued to your side or free with the compliments. Youâre also not usually so singularly focused on him. A fact that doesnât go entirely unnoticed.Â
âThank you,â you whisper back.Â
âIâm kinda hungry,â he continues in a bit of a whine.Â
âWell you were the one who thought skipping dinner was smart,â you tease him.Â
âBut my little honeybunch,â he teases back. You snort and miss the way several of your friends watch the interaction because they know how you are about weird pet names.Â
âTry again, sweetheart,â you answer.Â
âSweetheart, I like the way that sounds,â he says, distracted.Â
âJust a little longer and we can leave and get something to eat,â you say and he sighs.Â
âFine,â he concedes and kisses your cheek, just barely a whisper away from the corner of your mouth.Â
About half an hour later, you say your goodbyes. Despite your suggestions, Joshua continued drinking instead of switching to water. Itâs as fine as it can be, though. Heâs just an affectionate drinker. He wraps an arm around you, slipping a hand into your back pocket so that he can whisper thanks again. You do your best to shrug it off and let him drape his arms around your shoulder instead.Â
The car ride is quiet, initially. You pick a playlist that he made for you after you first met. Something he seems to enjoy. Youâre nearly back at his place when he says that he doesnât have anything to eat. But, luckily, thereâs a place around the corner that he loves thatâs still open. He manages to place an order on the app, gets something for you as well, and pays before getting there. All you have to do is walk in.Â
âI hope youâll come in and eat with me,â he says when you get back into the car.Â
Youâre not really sure how to tell him that you donât want to. Not because you donât want to spend time with him. Or that you donât appreciate him ordering something he knows youâll like. No, itâs so much deeper than that. Itâs that you donât know if your heart can handle it. Youâve got a couple more weeks of this and your heart is taking a beating. All of this is fake. Itâll be over after the wedding. But, the compliments donât feel fake. The kisses donât feel fake. The affection doesnât feel fake. Your heart racing is real, oh so real. You donât need anyone to tell you that youâre in way too deep.Â
None of that comes out, though.Â
âSure, sweetheart,â you say and hold your breath for a second. You hadnât meant to say that when it was just you.Â
Joshua smiles over at you. âReally do like that.âÂ
Does he know what heâs doing to you? Can he hear your heart hammering in your chest? Can he hear your breath catch? Does he know how insanely beautiful he is? Or that heâs all the more beautiful because heâs so unfailingly kind?Â
Probably not, because he gets distracted and starts singing along as the song changes. Itâs welcome, but also a little devastating. His voice cuts through you in a way youâre still very unprepared to handle.
After another few minutes, youâre at Joshuaâs place. He springs back into action and tries to open your door for you, even though youâre the driver. He settles for taking hold of your hand as he walks to his door, only reluctantly dropping it when he gets to the door.Â
His apartment is familiar to you, it has to be for this to be believable. So, he sets the food out and you grab plates. You grab a couple waters from the fridge while he takes the food over to the couch, bypassing the table. You sit next to him, leaving enough space between you that youâre not touching. Hoping he doesnât think anything of it.Â
Itâs useless, apparently, because he slides over to press into your side.
Whatâs worse (not that you thought that was possible) is that he picks things off of your plate and gives you food off his plate. Tries to feed it to you, actually, and pouts when you donât let him. It takes everything in you not to beg him to be gentle on your heart. He doesnât even seem to realize what heâs doing to you as he smiles and jokes. Doesnât seem to think twice about playing with your hands or his hand on your leg or any of the things he usually does when you have an audience. Thereâs nobody here to see and heâs not usually this touchy when youâre alone. Maybe itâs the drinks.
âI like your friends a lot, you know,â he says out of nowhere.
âThey like you, too,â you assure him.
âWhat about you?â he asks.
âIâd assume they like me as well,â you laugh out.
âNo, I meant me. Do you like me?â he asks, eyes big and vulnerable.
Please, Joshua, Iâm begging you. Be gentle with me, you think so loud youâre worried he might hear.
âIâm actually a little sick of you,â you joke.Â
âBut, but,â he begins and dramatically throws himself in your lap.Â
âYouâre the worst,â you say without any bite. Your hands find their way into his hair, softly running through the strands.
âThat feels nice,â he says softly. âCan I just stay like this? Iâm tired.âÂ
âOf course,â you whisper.
âYouâll stay with me?â he asks, sounding like heâs about to drift off.
Youâre sure he wonât remember any of this. Not because heâs drunk, but heïżœïżœs on the edges of sleep. So, you answer in a whisper. âAlways.âÂ
Maybe heâs not the one that needs to be careful with your heart. Maybe itâs you that needs to be careful. You know that you could walk away. That you could just remind him that this is all fake and thereâs nobody around to see now. Thatâs not what you do. So, maybe youâre just as much to blame.Â
Sunday Joshua: thanks for taking care of me last night Joshua: idk why the drinks hit me so hard Joshua: when did you leave? Monday Joshua: is everything okay? Did i say something stupid? Tuesday Joshua: i donât wanna sound clingy but are we still getting together at your place after work?
Somewhere, in the back of your mind, you know that you need to respond. You know that what youâre doing isnât fair to anyone. Itâs not like Joshua can somehow read your mind to realize youâre spiraling. It just feels a little paralyzing. This is a weird limbo of knowing you might be in over your head, but still believing this is all fake.Â
Jeonghan: hey dummy i know youâre ignoring joshua so iâm coming over tonight Jeonghan: i told him youâve been busy at work and i havenât heard from you either but we have some talking to do
Leave it to Jeonghan. You had almost forgotten, with how well youâve gotten to know Joshua, that it was Jeonghan who introduced you in the first place. Of course he would text your best friend when he couldnât get a hold of you. Does that make you feel better? Not really, you think, because it feels like a real relationship in a way. Oh well, you can talk about it with Jeonghan. If he shows up, that is.
And he does, less than an hour later.
âIâm here,â he announces when he comes in the door.
âThanks for knocking and giving me the chance to pretend Iâm not here,â you call back.
âYour car is outside and you have your location turned on,â Jeonghan says.Â
âRight,â you answer as he comes through the hall holding a bag from your favorite take out place.
âAt least I come bearing gifts,â he says.
âYouâre an angel, do you know that?â you ask and reach for the bag.
Jeonghan snorts. âIâm gonna remind you of that the next time you call me a demon.âÂ
âWell, Lucifer was a fallen angel,â you reason with a shrug.Â
âI hate you,â he says.
âI know,â you answer.Â
Jeonghan busies himself with taking out the food and making sure you have napkins. Tells you what he wants to drink when you get up to go into the kitchen. Calls for you to grab some utensils as well. By the time you sit back down with him, heâs flipping through a streaming service trying to find something to watch. Itâs not at all what youâre expecting and you just let it happen. The two of you have been friends long enough to know you should just let things play out.
With some mindless show on in the background, Jeonghan talks about work and your friends and everything else thatâs been going on the past few days. Like itâs been weeks since you last saw him. Mostly, he talks about how Taehyung has been blowing up his phone asking for advice about Mimi, which is actually news to you. Sure, you saw him ask her if she wanted to go with him to the wedding. What you had not expected was for him to actually be interested. Which he is, if his messages to Jeonghan are anything to go by. Itâs been everything from advice about talking to her to what kinds of things she might like as a surprise. They would probably be cute, you think.Â
âYeah, well, sometimes feelings catch us off guard,â Jeonghan says when you admit your surprise.
Damn. Did you really walk right into that?
âTrue,â you admit, knowing thatâs the best answer you can give.
âTalk to me,â Jeonghan urges.Â
âAbout what?â you ask to buy more time.
âJoshua,â he says.
âThereâs nothing to talk about,â you state. That makes him fix you with a look.
âClearly there is or you wouldnât be ignoring him,â he says.Â
âWeâre not really dating so I donât owe him constant updates. Iâm not ignoring him. I just have other shit to do,â you say without looking at him.
âWould you like to be?â he asks. That does make you turn to him.
âLike to be what?â you ask, though you think you know.
âReally dating him,â Jeonghan says.
Itâs a crossroads kind of moment. You could say that you donât want that. That would be a lie, though, and Jeonghan doesnât like it when you lie. Can always tell the second you say something thatâs not true. The truth is that youâve spent nearly every moment since that stupid night at Hyejinâs place thinking about what you actually feel for your fake boyfriend.Â
âI donâtâŠknow,â you say slowly and earn a smile because itâs not a lie.
âI was there the other night too, I saw the way it all played out,â he says.
âI mean, does it matter? This is all fake and soon, itâll be over,â you say.
âOf course it matters and itâll be over soon? Please,â Jeonghan scoffs. âI know heâs told you that he wants to keep you in his life after Johnnyâs wedding. So, what? Youâre just gonna be like okay, that was fun, letâs never talk again?â
âI donât know, maybe,â you say quietly.
He rolls his eyes. âTry again, buttercup.âÂ
âIt doesnât matter. He doesnât like me like that, heâs just nice,â you say, avoidant as ever.Â
âHe looks at you like heâd give you the moon if you asked for it,â Jeonghan snorts out.
âHeâs just nice, Han,â you disagree.
âMaybe,â your closest friend concedes, a rare move for him. It feels weird all the same. âWhatever it is, text him back. He misses you and I donât want to hear anymore about how heâs worrying he upset you.â
âHeâs been worrying that he upset me?â you ask. Your heart constricts at that.
âYeah, for some reason he actually likes your company,â he says. âCanât relate.â
You smack Jeonghan on the arm. âSays the man who shows up at my place unannounced when I ignore him for a day.â
âNo, I was just bored,â he argued. âAnd youâre way too stubborn to sort out your shit on your own.â
 âIâm not stubborn, but fine, Iâll text him,â you relent.
âNow,â he says.
âWhat?â
âText him now so that I know you actually did it.â
You roll your eyes at him, but pull your phone out anyway. Angling it away from Jeonghan so that he canât see your screen. Heâs such a nosy brat sometimes.
You: hey, iâm sorry. Itâs been really busy and i had a lot on my mind You: wanna do something tomorrow?
The response comes right away and you ignore the smug look on Jeonghanâs face as you quickly make plans. If Jeonghan was anyone else, he would probably just let you be since he ultimately got what he wanted. But, heâs not anyone else. And heâs as caring to his friends as he is calculating when he wants something. So, heâs not doing it to be cruel, not at all. He just wants you to consider what youâre actually feeling.Â
Youâll never tell Jeonghan how much you appreciate him talking everything through with you. Never tell him how good it feels to get all the thoughts out of your head. To his credit, heâs not smug and he doesnât tell you that heâs been right about your feelings all along. He just listens, supports you when you need it, and encourages you to keep thinking through everything thatâs going on.
As a make-up for slightly ignoring Joshua (over your own internal freak out), you take him to dinner at your favorite restaurant. Itâs this tiny little hole-in-the-wall that people seem to walk past. The kind of place where you couldnât overspend even if you tried because the couple that owned it just wanted to share good food. The kind of place where they know everyone by name. It makes you feel instantly at ease.Â
Joshua doesnât say it, but he also kind of canât believe you wanted to show him some place that meant so much to you. All he could do was watch, with so much fondness, as you spoke to the couple about everything under the sun. Watch as you turned slightly red when they scolded you for taking so long to bring Joshua by. Smile as you promised the both of you would be back. Despite trying to pay, you beat him to it. Even leaving a massive tip because you insisted the couple had undercharged you. They made a big show of not wanting to take the tip and you only reminded them the cash would stay sitting on the counter. You werenât taking it back either.Â
You donât really think about it when you take a picture of you and Joshua to upload on Instagram. At least, you try not to. Later, when youâre home and winding down for the night, you pull the picture back up. Itâs amazing just how happy both of you look. You donât need to read the comments to know that youâve never looked so happy in your life. Every part of you wants to pull back again. Itâs overwhelming. But, Jeonghanâs voice plays in your head and instead you push past. Make more plans that could break your heart. You have to just trust that he wonât.Â
It isnât until the weekend that youâre able to see him again because your schedules didnât quite match up. That doesnât stop him from calling you at night, though. Insisting that he wants to know how your day was, even if you can only spare a few minutes for a call. (Which never ends up being the case. You fall asleep on the phone with him twice. His voice is just so soothing when itâs all deep and soft.)Â
Again, Joshua tells you the date is a surprise. He can be a little bit of a demon, when it suits him. Sure, he likes to pretend heâs not. That heâs above the chaos. Then, he does something like this and he canât really escape it. But, heâs so sure he knows what you like that heâs positive youâll enjoy the date. You remember how that chat had gone, too. You were ready to go to sleep, but unable to say goodnight.Â
(âI have our next date planned,â Joshua says, voice soft to match the calm of the night.
âWhat is it?â you wonder.
âA surprise,â he answers.
âWhat if I donât like it?â you ask back.
âYou will,â he assures you.
âYou sure seem to think you know me,â you joke.Â
âYeah, I do. Donât worry, youâll like this too,â he says.
There was no point in denying it. That confidence sent a bit of a shiver through you.)Â
It turns out that the date is at a winery where youâre painting with wine. You have to ask him to say it again because youâve only ever heard of wine and paint classes. Painting with wine is entirely new to you. It sounds fun, though, and you know how crafty Joshua can be, have seen all the projects around his apartment. So, even though youâre definitely not that artistic, youâre excited to see this as well.Â
Admittedly, by the end of the session, your painting isnât bad. It was a bit weird to use wine in that way, but they let you drink as well. Which makes it a lot easier to just go along with the idea of painting. Joshuaâs painting, on the other hand, is beautiful. Not for the first time, you think his talents might be wasted at an office job. Youâve seen the bracelets he makes and now youâve seen him paint. Youâve heard him sing and play the guitar. Heâs impossibly artistic in a way that should make you jealous. Instead, it just makes you more endeared to him.Â
You snap a picture of him and his art when heâs not looking and upload it before he can even realize it. Itâs only when a notification goes off on his phone that he realizes. He doesnât even say anything, just gets a sparkle in his eyes that makes you weary immediately. Heâs busy tapping away on his own phone before a notification sounds on yours. Maybe you werenât the only one to steal a candid shot if the picture of you laughing with a glass of wine in one hand and a paintbrush in the other is anything to go by. Itâs the caption that really ruins you, though. Just a simple âthink Iâm addicted to her lightâ. Itâs so simple and also so much sweeter than yours. You fight through the urge to run away.Â
Which lasts until you get home from dinner. It was the perfect date, truly. Joshua always seems to know exactly how to plan out a day so everything works. After sipping wine and painting, he took you to one of his favorite restaurants. Nothing too pretentious, just kind of unassuming. The kind of place where you get good food and even better conversation. Itâs (mostly) easy to keep your mind off the way your heart keeps racing.
When youâre back home, youâre not so lucky.
Back home, alone in your apartment, there arenât any distractions. Nothing to stop your mind from all the ways that it can sabotage your own happiness. Nothing to stop you from thinking about how nobody, not even Johnny, has ever planned out such thoughtful dates for you. Nobody has ever taken the time to really know you like Joshua. Even if you wonât admit it, he knows you better than anyone youâve ever dated. Which is terrifying, since this is all fake. And he hasnât even known you that long.Â
So, you do the rational thing and you pull back again. Answer his texts so that he doesnât send Jeonghan over to figure out whatâs wrong, but donât make solid plans. Talk a lot about a work project that you really need to get done ahead of schedule so that youâre not stressing leading up to the wedding. And you throw in some easy suggestions in the meantime so that it still seems like youâre making an effort.Â
Lunch on a work day so that it has a set ending time. Which still tugs at your heartstrings a bit because he takes a longer lunch just to meet you closer to where you work.Â
An event where your parents purchased a table for charity because heâs in high demand with your family around. And he canât be as affectionate.Â
His Open Mic Nights, but with the excuse that you canât stay too late because of your project and he should stick around with his friends. Youâll get home safely.
Small little things that keep you around him and keep up your conversations while still giving you time to breathe. Youâre sure that youâre pulling it all off. And then, the wedding is around the corner. The finish line is in sight.Â
You: Iâm not going to the wedding You: you donât have to come pick me up Joshua: what are you talking about? You: iâm not going Joshua: but itâs literally in a few hours? You: yeah and i donât wanna go, so youâre off the hook You: thanks for everything, but you donât have to pretend anymore
Even if you know youâre being a little petulant, you donât really care. This whole thing was supposed to be about protecting your heart. Protecting your pride. Not showing up to your cheating ex-fiance's wedding alone and looking like some kind of loser. It was not supposed to be about your heart getting clobbered anyway. So, youâre doing the only logical thing you can think of. Ignoring your problems. Avoiding both the wedding and Joshua. What youâre not prepared for, though you should be, is the knock that comes at your door half an hour later.Â
Joshua is on the other side of the door and your heart actually stops. Heâs got his tux on and his hair styled back off his face. His eyes are soft as they take you in, noting that you have your hair and make up done. Though, youâre still in your sweats. You got at least that far before you decided this was a stupid fucking decision.Â
âCan I come in?â he asks when you donât say anything.
âSure,â you say and step aside.Â
âYou look like youâre getting ready,â he comments once heâs inside.
âI was, until I texted you,â you answer. âSpeaking of, why are you here?â
âBecause we had plans,â he says.Â
âYeah to go see my ex-fiance marry the girl he cheated on me with. Oh, and for you to pretend to be my boyfriend so I didnât look pathetic,â you say with a huff.Â
âYouâre not pathetic. Heâs an asshole,â Joshua says. He doesnât swear often, so it catches you a little off guard.Â
âWell, whatever, you donât have to go. So, Iâm not really sure why youâre here,â you say.Â
âYouâre being so cold. Whatâs going on?â Joshua asks and reaches out to you. Instead, you duck away from his touch.Â
âNothing is going on. It was stupid to care what Johnny thought or to try and save face somehow,â you say.Â
âItâs not stupid. He hurt you and you didnât deserve that,â Joshua urges.
âYou really donât know me that well. Maybe I did deserve it. Maybe I was awful to him and he had no choice,â you say.
âWe both know thatâs not true,â he says.
âDo we?â you challenge.Â
âYes, we do,â he presses. âThere is nothing you could do that justifies cheating instead of just breaking it off. But, I also know you didnât do anything wrong. Jeonghan and I talked about it.â
âYou spoke to Jeonghan about my relationship behind my back?â you question.Â
âWhat is going on? Weâve been hanging out for weeks and getting to know each other. I just wanted to know more about someone I was going to be helping. And I like knowing you,â Joshua says and you have to look away. You donât need the reminder of how much time youâve spent with him.
âYeah, sorry about all that time we wasted. Iâll pay you back for the tux or anything else you had to buy to pretend to date me,â you say and he looks genuinely confused.
âI donâtâŠwant you to pay me back for anything. It wasnât a waste of time. I did this because I wanted to,â he says.
âYeah, well, you donât have to pretend anymore because Iâm not going to the stupid fucking wedding. It was a really bad idea in the first place,â you say.
Joshua clenches his jaw and looks away. Like maybe heâs frustrated. âWhat is going on? Do you still have feelings for him?âÂ
âFor who? Johnny?â you ask, so insanely caught off guard that you forget youâre mad.
âYes,â Joshua says tightly.
âYouâve got to be fucking kidding me,â you bark out.
âWell? Youâre being really weird and now you donât want to go to a wedding that weâve been planning on,â he starts.
âYeah, which should make you happy, since you donât have to pretend to be my boyfriend anymore,â you say.
âBecause youâre still in love with Johnny,â Joshua finishes like he hadnât even heard you.
âOh my god,â you nearly scream. âIâm not fucking in love with Johnny. This isnât about him.â
âSo, you donât want to go to the wedding and it has nothing to do with him? That doesnât make any sense,â he says.Â
âNo, I donât want to keep doing this,â you say, gesturing between the two of you. âI donât want to keep pretending to date you when I -â
You clamp your mouth shut. Unable to believe that you almost blurted out how you feel.
âWhen you what?â he challenges. âWhat? Is it that bad being around me? Is that it? Are you just sick of me? Ready to toss me aside?â
You laugh bitterly, not even able to appreciate the irony in the situation. âNo, Joshua, I donât want to toss you aside.âÂ
âThen, what? What am I supposed to think when youâve been pushing me away for the last couple weeks? And I have to act like I havenât noticed all the ways youâve kept me at armâs length since we went to the winery. Why did you just decide, literally today, that you donât want to go to the wedding after all?â he asks, rambling. Heâs pacing in front of you. âWhy are you trying so hard to get rid of me?â
âBecause I donât want to get hurt!â you blurt out. âBecause I donât want to go to my fucking scumbag of an exâs wedding where everyone is going to be giving me these looks of pity or focusing on my relationship with him when all I want is this.â
âThis? What?â he asks, coming to a stop.
âThis, Joshua, you and me. Having this just all be pretend is breaking my heart. I canât keep doing it. It was supposed to keep me from getting my heart broken. It sucks and I hate it and I just wish it wasnât pretend. I donât want to go to the wedding and have you be so sweet and kind and caring when Iâm going to know it has an expiration date. That itâs all just been for show,â you admit. You turn away, clutching your arms around your center because youâre so tired. And so exposed. So vulnerable. Itâs awful.
The tears wonât stop, so you donât notice how Joshua has closed the space between you until he wraps his arms around you from behind. Pulls you back against his chest and presses a kiss into your hair.
âSo, letâs stop saying itâs pretend,â he whispers.Â
âWhat?â you whisper back.
He turns you in his arms so that youâre facing him and gently brushes away the tears. âLetâs stop saying itâs fake. It doesnât feel fake, does it?â
âNo,â is all you can manage.
âSo, itâs not fake and weâre not pretending,â he says.
âBut,â you start to protest.Â
âI knew I was in trouble, really deep trouble, as soon as we left your parentsâ house. I was just waiting for you to catch up,â he says as he gently runs a thumb across your cheek to wipe away a tear . Your eyes go wide.
âThat was barely a week in,â you say and he just shrugs. âAnd Iâd dumped all my bullshit on you.â
âI think thatâs actually what made me like you so much,â he says. âIt was supposed to be fake and we were trying to get to know each other well enough to pull it off. But, instead, I just realized you were actually perfect.â
âPerfect? I was broken,â you joke and he shakes his head.
âNo, youâve been hurt. Who hasnât? Youâre also strong, kind, funny, a fiercely loyal friend, and one of the most beautiful people Iâve ever met, inside and out,â he says.Â
âThatâs so, youâre so sweet,â you say and try to hide your face. He doesnât let you. âYou like me?â
âIâve liked you the whole time. I did think it was a date, after all,â he says. âAnd do you think Iâm that affectionate with everyone?â
âWe were pretending,â you argue.
âI wasnât,â he argues back.
âOur closest friends thought you were,â you disagree.
âAnd was anyone else there in my apartment when I was still being affectionate?â he asks.
âWell, no, butâŠâ you start.
âI heard you say always,â he tells you.
âYou did?â you ask, sure that itâs been your secret this whole time.
âWe donât have to go to the wedding. But, if itâs just because you donât want this to be over with me, then itâs not going to be over. Iâm yours for as long as you want me,â he says so earnestly it nearly makes you blush.
âCareful, you might get sick of me,â you joke.
He puts a finger under your chin so he can look you in the eyes. âIâll say it again. Iâm yours as long as you want me. I wonât get sick of you.âÂ
âIâŠâ you start and donât know where to go. So you do the only thing you can think of and kiss him. Itâs clear heâs a little caught off guard, but he recovers quickly. His arms wrap around you to hold you tight against him. Itâs the first time youâve really kissed him and youâre so screwed because he really is perfect at this too.Â
âSo, do I get you for the rest of today?â he asks.
You take in his tuxedo again, for real this time. Appreciating how well itâs tailored and how amazing he looks. With a sigh, you say, âyou know, itâs a shame to waste such a nice tux.â
âAre youâŠI thought we werenât going,â he stutters.
âIâm probably gonna have to fix my makeup in the car, but why not? I want to show off my super hot and very real boyfriend,â you say and watch him choke on air.Â
âYou canât just sayâŠâ he starts.
âDamn, sick of me already?â you tease.
âYou know Iâm not,â he answers and moves to follow you.
âNo, no. You donât get to see me changing. Iâll be back out in a second,â you say.Â
Youâre in the middle of shimmying into your dress when you realize that you do still have a lot to talk about. A lot to figure out. This whole situation has been unusual, though, so it probably makes sense that there isnât a template. Once you have your shoes on, you walk back into the living room, prepared to say something, only to find Joshua speechless.
âYou lookâŠâ he starts.
âYouâve seen the dress already,â you say and smile.
âNot on you. Not in person. You look amazing,â he says and crosses to pull you into his arms. âAre you sure we have to go?â
âYes,â you say and swat him. âBut, I do know we have a lot to talk about.â
âIâm not in a rush,â he says and allows you to step away.
âWe might need to be in a bit of a rush,â you say, checking the time and gathering all your things.Â
âLetâs go, then,â Joshua says and offers his arm.Â
The wedding passes in kind of a blur. In truth, you barely even register Johnny or what heâs doing beyond the actual ceremony. The reception is so massive that itâs easiest just to focus on the people around you. Especially when youâre at a table with your friends. Thankfully, youâre not at a table with your parents or your sister. It does mean, though, that youâre sitting next to Hyejin, who has definitely realized that something shifted between you and Joshua. So, sheâs trying to sneak in a question any time she can. Which is hard, given that Joshua is more attached to you than ever. And Hyejin doesnât want to draw unnecessary attention to you. All you manage to let her know is that itâs real now and that youâll fill her in after the wedding. (Youâre also thankful that people seem to be cooing over Taehyung and Mimi since theyâre the shiny new topic.)
Itâs also nice to have Joshua there because heâs a built in way to excuse yourself from any conversation that you donât want to be part of. Itâs easy to just say youâre going to go back to the table. Or, in the case of a good song coming on, heâll be quick to drag you to the dance floor and away from whatever conversation youâre stuck in. Heâs a good dancer, too. You donât miss the way Hyejin catches your eye when the first slow song comes on and he pulls you close to him. But, thatâs a conversation for another day. All you wanted was to appreciate the way his hand felt on your lower back or your hand felt in his.Â
When it was finally time to leave, Joshua led you out of the event, arm around you to guide you. Neither of you were drunk, but you had still hired someone to take you to and from the wedding anyway. A gift from your parents to appreciate you âdoing the right thingâ and coming to the wedding. For the sake of the families. It made you roll your eyes at the time, yet youâre thankful now. It would be far better than having to take an Uber or trying to get a room at the hotel (and risking seeing everyone else staying there the next morning). The ride home also gave you the chance to talk. Really talk. Neither of you cared much that someone else was driving (and he had the partition up, anyway), as you talked about your feelings honestly for the first time.Â
As it turned out, you had a lot to say. Both of you. You hadnât been nearly as good at hiding your feelings from Joshua as you had been at hiding them from yourself. He had hoped you were going to admit them to him after that night at his apartment. Instead, you avoided him. Yes, he knew that you had been avoiding him. You also werenât very good at picking up on the signs he dropped about his feelings for you. He admitted that he could have just said something, but he was trying to be subtle so he didnât scare you off. Trying to let his actions speak through more affection. You admit you were scared to think it was anything more than it actually was. Scared of your feelings. Scared of getting hurt again. Joshua completely understands that and admits that heâs a little scared, too, because youâre definitely more important to him than he was anticipating. Heâs also confident that you can work through it together. It gives you a feeling of hope. Makes everything about you feel lighter. You see that relief reflected in Joshuaâs eyes when they scan yours.Â
The car pulls to a stop and he gets out first. He holds his hand out to help you out of the car. Youâre not really sure what comes over you.
âCome up with me,â you ask, but itâs more of a statement.Â
He hesitates, conflicted. âI donât know if I should.â
âWhy?â you ask, clearly confused.
âI donât know if Iâll be able to leave,â he answers and you smile.
âThen stay,â you shrug, âat least for breakfast.âÂ
Without waiting for him to respond, you turn and head for the front door of the building. It means you miss the way he freezes in place, but you can guess at that by how long it takes before he catches up to you. Heâs unusually quiet and still beside you as you go up the elevator and then behind you as you unlock the door.Â
âIâm gonna go change,â you announce after you drop your keys by the door. You look back at Joshua, appreciating him in the tuxedo one last time. âIâve got some clothes in the spare room that should fit. Theyâre Jeonghanâs âÂ
You take the opportunity to breathe for a second, to let it settle in that you asked Joshua to come in with you and stay the night. Then, you set about changing out of your dress. Carefully clean your face free of the make-up. Brush through your hair and twist it back off of your face. Once youâre in comfy clothes and bare faced, you head back out into the living room. Itâs odd that you donât even feel self-conscious about Joshua seeing you like this, youâre instantly comfortable.Â
Joshuaâs back is to you in the kitchen. When he turns around, you see that heâs put together a little platter of snacks. You also were right, the t-shirt and shorts he picked out seem to fit him well. Jeonghan is a little slighter than Joshua, but he wears most of his clothes on the baggier side.Â
âThanks for the clothes,â he says when you both meet on the couch. âI was worried when you said you had spare clothes they were gonna be from an ex or Johnny or something.âÂ
Your laugh is sudden and clearly catches Joshua off guard. âI wouldnât have kept any of Johnnyâs clothes. I gave them all to charity.âÂ
âIâm sure he was thrilled with that,â Joshua laughs.
âThey made a killing reselling them,â you laugh in response. âWanna watch something?â
âSure, you pick,â he says.
You start clicking through your saved list to find something that the two of you can watch. Once you settle on something, Joshua motions you over. Even if you want to pretend youâre considering it, you canât. Every part of you wants to be close to him. When you slide over, he pulls you in tighter to his body and you fit like you always belonged there with him.Â
If you thought he was physically affectionate when he was pretending, itâs nothing compared to now that he knows youâre both in this. He has one hand running along your arm or the other along your thigh. Sometimes he reaches out to take one of your hands. Other times he presses kisses into your hair. Itâs pretty clear right away that heâs not paying much attention to the show.Â
If youâre being honest, youâre not really either.
Everything is distracting. The way his fingers on the bare skin of your arm raises goosebumps. The way his kiss in your hair makes your eyes close in appreciation. The way he squeezes your thigh and short circuits your brain.Â
You canât help it. You turn your head so that you can look at him. He caresses your cheek, so gentle. Runs his thumb across your lip. Youâre holding your breath, just waiting to see what heâs going to do. When you feel like youâre going to go a little bit insane, his hand moves to the back of your neck and pulls you in. Itâs exactly like the first kiss before the wedding. At least, at first. Itâs gentle, but full of so much desire. Itâs also slow, like thereâs no rush to any of it.
The position is really uncomfortable, though. You shift your legs so theyâre draped over one of Joshuaâs. He doesnât miss a beat. It just allows him to pull you closer. Thereâs something incredibly intimate in kissing him like this. Thereâs this weird contrast of desire and comfort. Itâs heated, but also a little lazy. Like you have all the time in the world. Which you do, you think, now that youâre being honest about your feelings. When Joshua pulls back from the kiss, you chase his lips for a second before realizing that heâs pulled away. The way he looks at you nearly melts you into the couch.
âI donât want to assume where this is headed, but maybe we should take it to the bedroom?â he asks. Itâs cute, the way heâs a little shy. Like you didnât invite him in to spend the night. Yeah, youâre in way over your head. At least it seems like he might be too.Â
You pull your legs back so that you can stand up. His eyes track your movements as you reach your hand back to him. He accepts it without a word and lets you lead him to the bedroom. Even if heâs seen your bedroom before, this feels different. Youâre waiting for him to look around, but his eyes are glued on you. Joshua even waits for you to lead him all the way to the bed, so you direct him to sit on the edge.Â
Once Joshua is seated, you step between his legs and tilt your head down to kiss him. He wraps his arms around you so that he can pull you against him. Thereâs barely any space between you. It sends a little bit of a shiver as his hands run up your back and back down. The touch is gentle and caring. Like heâs trying to put everything he feels into it. Something about it just makes you feel so insanely safe.Â
Heâs the one to break the kiss again, but this time itâs to move back onto the bed and grab your hand to pull you along with him. Itâs easy to just follow suit and get comfortable laying next to him, bodies facing each other. The kissing picks up when your lips meet again. Joshua kisses you breathless with a passion youâre eager to explore. One of his hands rests on your hip, casually sliding beneath your shirt and caressing up your side. You press your body further into his and capture his moan with a kiss. It feels like youâre a bit drunk off each other.
When Joshuaâs hand moves back down, you take the chance to throw your leg over his hip, allowing you to press further into him and feel how this is turning him on. Part of you knows that heâs still waiting for you to set the pace. Or that he wants things to be a little slower. So, you help him out and roll the two of you over so that youâre straddled on top of him. Putting his hands on your hips, you lean over to kiss him again. In this position, you can also grind into his lap. You delight in how heâs already getting hard beneath you, enjoy the way his hands grip the soft flesh of your hips.
He pulls back and looks at you with blown pupils. âBaby, please donât tease me.âÂ
âNo silly pet name?â you tease him.Â
âNot when youâre getting me this turned on like a horny teenager,â he whines.Â
âYou mean like this?â you ask, injecting as much innocence as you can when you slowly drag your clothed pussy across his dick again.Â
Joshua throws his head back, eyes squeezed shut, and grips you tighter. âYes.âÂ
âSo you donât like it?â you ask, grinding a little more.Â
âFuck,â he hisses out. And somehow thatâs the thing that almost breaks you. Why is that one swear so hot on his lips?Â
Without saying anything, you sit up a little bit, still making sure youâre straddling Joshua, so that you can pull his shirt off him. Your eyes go wide because youâve never seen him shirtless. Youâve seen him in well fitted suits or shirts, but this is entirely different. His chest looks like it was sculpted by an artist. All your attention is on your fingers running along his chest and you donât see the way it makes him a little shy.Â
His hands reach for your own shirt, playing with the hem like heâs asking permission. So, you move his hands aside and pull it over your head, leaving your skin bare as well. You watch him drink you in, feeling almost empowered by the desire you see in his eyes. He pulls you back towards him so that he can get one of your breasts into his mouth. The way he teases your nipple with his tongue has you clenching around nothing. You can feel how wet itâs making you and try your best not to squirm when he moves from one breast to the other.Â
âI need you,â you utter.Â
âI need you, too,â he says against your skin. His hips buck up into you almost involuntarily.Â
You slide off of him and pull your shorts down and he gasps that you donât have any underwear on. It isnât like you were expecting anything, you just wanted to be prepared. While heâs still a little drunk on the sight of you fully naked, you help him discard the rest of his clothing. The sight of his cock springing free, precum leaking out, has you wanting to get your mouth on him.Â
But, youâre realizing, what you really want is to feel him inside you. After so much tension and wondering, you just want to have this moment together. You want to be as close as two people can possibly get. You want all the intimacy and to be able to see his face. Itâs this thought that pushes you back to the bed to lay with him.Â
Joshua repositions and runs a hand down your body. Lets his fingers run along your thighs and tease their way up to gather some of your wetness. Your eyes close as he runs a finger up your slit. Itâs such a little amount of contact and it makes you moan anyway.Â
âDamn, are you this wet just for me?â he asks and presses a kiss into the first bit of your skin he can reach.
âI want to feel you,â you admit. Joshua makes you press a finger into your pussy, but you stop him. Confusion takes over his features.
âI thoughtâŠdo you not want this?â he asks.Â
âI do, but I wantâŠI want all of you,â you admit. âI want to feel you deep inside of me. I want to be completely ruined by you. I want to come together.âÂ
âShit,â he hisses, hand stilling against your body. âOn one condition.â
âWhatâs that?â you ask.
âI want to taste you soon,â he says, pressing a kiss into your shoulder.
The thought of him between your legs makes you shiver. Itâs almost enough to forget that you want this first time to be together. âDeal.âÂ
âDo you have condoms? I wasnât exactly expectingâŠâ he says, trailing off.
âThat drawer,â you say and point.Â
He rolls himself off of the bed to open the drawer. Youâre not sure why you expect his hands to be a little unsteady when he rips open the wrapper and rolls it onto himself, but heâs so calm. Maybe itâs just you thatâs a little nervous. At least, thatâs what you think until you catch the look on his face. It has to be the same as yours, naked want mixed with a little bit of uncertainty. Everything else has been so easy with you, what if this is where it goes wrong?Â
âJust lay back,â he urges you, voice calming any lingering nerves. His voice drops to a whisper, like the next statement is just for him. âYouâre so beautiful, every single inch of you.âÂ
It makes your heart constrict in a way that youâre not really prepared for. It would be nice if your feelings could stop flooding in all at once like a dam breaking. Itâs overwhelming. You do as he says, though, and lean back against the pillow. Joshua gently spreads your legs apart and takes another moment to appreciate you. He canât seem to help himself from running a finger along your entrance.Â
Even though he would fully be within his rights to tease you, he doesnât. He lines himself up at your entrance and looks to you for final confirmation. All you can manage is a nod. You know he wants to hear you, but you canât bring yourself to form the words. So, he accepts the nods and slowly presses into you.
âFuck,â you hiss as you adjust to him.Â
âAre you okay?â he worries.
âFeels good,â you say with a slight whine. âItâs just been a bit.âÂ
He presses the rest of the way into you and then stills so you can get used to him. Itâs really overwhelming. Not just because youâre finally feeling him inside of you. More so because heâs looking at you with more adoration than youâve ever felt in your life. Like this is it for him. Like youâre it for him. Itâs too early to be thinking of love, but you really donât know if anyone has ever loved you so completely. You think heâs probably it for you too.Â
Once he finally starts to move, you know itâs going to be over entirely too fast. He starts with slow thrusts, testing what you want. You dig your fingers into his arms as a way to ground yourself. To anchor yourself to him and in the moment. When he picks up the pace, your mind goes entirely blank. Itâs just the right speed. While you love the hard and fast fucking, thereâs something so much more intimate about this kind of in between speed.Â
âGod you feel so good,â he whines as he snaps into you again. âSo tight and perfect.âÂ
âYouâre so - oh my god,â you moan out, unable to finish the sentence as he hits you just right.Â
Joshua moves one of your legs so that itâs over his shoulder and presses further into you, hitting deeper than you were prepared for.
âFuck, Joshua, holy shit,â you scream out.Â
âLove the sound of my name on your lips,â he manages as his thrusts pick up pace.Â
You want to respond that you love saying it, want to say anything, but the thrusts are entirely too much. As if it wasnât already too much, Joshua adjusts again so that he can press his thumb against your clit. He rubs circles in time with his thrusts and you think that you might see stars. You throw your head back, eyes pressed shut.
âLook at me, baby. I wanna see you when you come,â he urges, his own voice sounding ragged.Â
Despite wanting to focus on the pressure building between you, you do as he asks. Your eyes meet his and itâs that look that makes that coil snap. Youâre coming hard and digging your fingers into whatever you can find to release some of the tension in your body. This might be the best orgasm youâve had.Â
When you come back to this plane, Joshua has stilled inside of you. One of his hands gently caresses your face as he mumbles quiet praises. Itâs so impossibly tender.
âItâs okay, sweetheart, you can move,â you assure him.
âThank fuck,â he mumbles.Â
His pace now picks up to something fast and hard with one of his large hands anchoring your thigh to his body. Your hands grip any part of his body that they can reach and you relish the way he hisses when your nails drag patterns down his skin. Marking him so that he belongs to you. Just as you belong so completely to him.Â
It seems impossible but you can feel the tension building low in your stomach again. His thrusts are so hard that you feel like his cock might split you open and something about it just works for you. You hadnât thought anything about him would translate to this kind of hard and fast sex, but itâs somehow better than you could have imagined. With him so focused on chasing his own high, you rub circles on your clit to bring yourself over the edge again. You tumble over the edge for a second time just as Joshuaâs thrusts get erratic. You do your best to take over the rhythm before slowing down.Â
Joshua collapses on top of you, cock still buried in your pussy, and sighs. His weight on top of you feels like the best security youâve ever had. Your hands find their way into his hair, gently stroking and scratching his scalp. As he comes back around, he presses his head further into your hand.Â
âHey,â you say when he looks up at you.
âYouâre perfect,â he responds and you canât keep the smile off your face.Â
âYou were pretty perfect yourself,â you say.Â
âAm I too heavy, I couldâŠâ he starts and you pull him tighter against you.
âDonât you dare,â you warn.Â
He doesnât say anything, just nuzzles his face into your neck. But, you know that you canât stay like this forever. So you donât protest when he gently pulls himself up and gets out of the bed. Youâre right behind him, leading him into the bathroom so that you can get both of you cleaned up.Â
After getting cleaned up, dressed, and doing your respective night time routines, you and Joshua are settled back into your bed (on top of a fresh set of sheets). Although youâve never been much for falling asleep cuddling, you canât imagine leaving any space between you and him. When he wraps himself around you, all you can do is smile and settle deeper into his perfect chest. Honestly, every inch of this man is perfect and youâd be annoyed if you werenât so helplessly attached to him.Â
And itâs the best sleep youâve gotten in a long time. You wake up with his chest pressed into your back and his arm still wrapped around you. It sounds like heâs still asleep based on his breathing and so youâre just considering slipping out of the bed. He moves in his sleep and pulls you tighter against him, making you feel that heâs semi-hard again. You press back against him, almost testing if heâs really asleep.Â
Heâs not.Â
Joshuaâs hand, already against the skin of your stomach and underneath your shirt, moves further up to your breast. His hand squeezes your breast and then he brushes his thumb over your nipple. Your body responds to his touch embarrassingly fast, which only seems to spur him on. Heâs got your nipple between his fingers before you press back into him again, wiggling your ass against his dick without pretending youâre doing otherwise.
âGood morning beautiful,â Joshua says in a raspy voice into your ear.Â
The warmth of his breath along with the pressure of him rolling your nipple between his thumb and forefinger has you suppressing a moan. In the quiet of the morning, he hears it anyway. He removes his hand from your breast and you want to pout at the loss of contact. That is, until his hand works down between your legs, roughly grabbing hold of your pussy through your shorts. He runs his middle finger through your folds, likely feeling the way your shorts are getting soaked through already.Â
âFeels like someone might have woken up ready,â he says into your ear, voice sinfully low. His finger is still slowly teasing you through the damn material of your shorts. Somehow that makes it feel hotter.Â
âI wonder why,â you retort, undermined by the way you squirm under his touch.Â
âDo you want me to stop?â he asks and stops his movements.Â
Your hand immediately moves to his. To guide him back to your cunt. âPlease donât. Want to see what those hands can do.âÂ
His mouth is still by your ear, so you hear the dark chuckle and feel the air tickle you. He moves your hand aside along with your shorts as he slips his hand inside the fabric. His middle finger resumes the previous pattern almost lazily. Youâre about to ask him to stop teasing you when he presses a finger inside you suddenly.
âFuck,â you nearly scream.Â
âIs someone a little sensitive?â he teases. Heâs a fucking demon and you would gladly sell your soul so he didnât stop.Â
The way he pumps his finger inside of you is entirely too slow. But, when you try to meet his rhythm, he stops. Just when you think you might actually die, he inserts a second finger. It makes your back arch, pressing your ass further against his now very hard cock. He hisses and pulls his fingers out from you. As youâre turning over to adjust your position, you see him insert his fingers into his mouth. Holy shit. He really is the hottest man youâve ever met.ïżœïżœ
Instead of letting you carry on in any way, he pushes himself up and repositions. Youâre not really sure what heâs doing until he reaches for your shorts to pull them off. His focus is on you, silently asking for permission again. All you can do is nod.Â
âTold you that I wanted to taste you,â he reminds you once your shorts are off.Â
âAre you sureâŠâ you start to ask before he cuts you off.
His head snaps up so he can meet your eyes. âIâve been waiting to taste you for weeks.â
That shuts you up pretty effectively. What can you really say in response to that? Anything you might have said dies in your throat as he licks a messy stripe up your folds. He quickly settles, using one hand to keep you spread open for him, and licks into you. Itâs all you can do to keep your eyes on him as his head bobs between your legs. You thread your fingers through his hair to keep him in place even though you know heâs not going anywhere. (And okay, maybe itâs more to ground yourself to him than anything else.)Â
It shouldnât be surprising that his attentiveness translates this well, but it is a little surprising how well he seems to know your body. The way he knows just when to switch from licking into your cunt to flicking his tongue over your clit. The way he knows when he needs to add a finger and then a second. The way he can tell everything your body needs before you even realize it.Â
By the time he pulls himself up your body, heâs got you nearly panting from the build up. The kiss he presses to your lips is sloppy and a little desperate. Like youâre both totally fucked out. His fingers inside you keep a relentless pace as he hooks them, hitting that perfect spot.Â
âFuck, fuck, fuck,â you yell out, breaking the kiss. Your whole body feels like itâs on fire in an entirely different way from the night before.Â
Thereâs nothing in the world but Joshua and the way he coaxes everything out of you. The way he has you squirting on his fingers. Youâre not even sure if the praise coming out of your mouth makes any sense and youâre definitely not sure what he says in return. Itâs all you can do just to appreciate the moment.Â
You think that youâre going to get the chance to get your mouth around his cock now that heâs given you another mind blowing orgasm. But, by the time you get your breathing under control, you see that heâs rolling a condom from your drawer onto himself. He pulls you to the edge of the bed so that your legs are hanging off. Itâs instantly stronger than youâre expecting from him and pulls a gasp from you.Â
Without even thinking, your legs fall open. Joshua seems to have found a bottle of lube, too, and spreads it over his cock. When he lines himself up at your entrance, you expect him to ease in like the night before. He doesnât. He snaps his full length inside of you in one motion and youâre so overstimulated, but it feels so good.
âFuck me, Joshua, oh my fucking god,â you say and clench down around his dick.Â
âShit, that feels so good,â he hisses.Â
âYou feel so good,â you moan.Â
âYou have no idea,â he answers and starts thrusting.Â
Itâs a complete haze from the moment you hear his skin slap against your own. Every coherent thought leaves your head. There is nothing in the world but you and him and the way you make each other feel. He leans over your body, crowds your space. Steals sloppy, desperate kisses. Praises you constantly and in broken sentences. Itâs all you can do just to hold on, so sore and so unable to stop.
Your hands grip into the sheets around you that are completely rumpled. You try everything to keep your eyes on Joshuaâs face. Memorize the way he looks when heâs concentrating. Appreciate how totally gone he is because youâre sure itâs the same look you have. Delight in the way his eyes get even wider when you clench your pussy around him.Â
It feels a little like heâs using your body to chase his own high, except thereâs total comfort in that. All you want is for him to feel as good as you do. All you want is for him to get that release, especially since you havenât been able to get your mouth on his cock yet.Â
âHarder Joshua, please. I know youâre close,â you beg and he obliges immediately.Â
Even though youâre trying to meet the rhythm, you canât. Itâs too erratic and too unpredictable. So you pull him down to you again and kiss him. Slip your tongue inside his mouth and let the kisses get as sloppy as they need to. You feel how close he is and only kiss him harder. He breaks the kiss for the last few thrusts, groaning as he comes. Youâre right there with him.Â
(Later, he tells you that heâs never seen anyone hotter than you when you come. It would make you embarrassed in any other situation. But, you realize that youâve never been with anyone thatâs come close to him, so maybe itâs okay to accept his praise. Maybe you deserve it. Maybe this is the person that youâve been waiting for.)
Now, you really do have to get up and clean up. As tempting as Joshuaâs offer to shower together is, you donât want it to turn into shower sex because thatâs just not sexy (or practical). Neither one of you can seem to guarantee keeping their hands off the other. Instead, you tell him that he can use the shower in your guest room. Itâs fully stocked and there are still more spare clothes in there. He insists that he should get some laundry going because you must be running out of clean sheets and you definitely made a mess.Â
With Joshua cleaning up some around the house, youâre the first out of the shower and dressed. Pleasantly sore in the kind of way you really enjoy. Youâre sitting on the couch and scrolling through your phone, trying to decide if you want to order food or just cook what you already have. Before you can make a decision, thereâs a knock at the door. Itâs impossible to guess who it could be. Even Jeonghan wouldnât bother you like this. Although heâs been texting asking for an update after you told him you finally got your shit together, he wouldnât show up like this.Â
When you open the door, youâd give anything for it to just be Jeonghan. Instead, you see a face that youâve been seeing entirely too much lately.
âWhat are you doing here, Johnny?â you ask with a heavy sigh.Â
âI need to talk to you,â he says.
âWhy?â you ask.
âCome on, donât be like that,â he pleads.
âJohnny, itâs the day after your wedding. What the fuck are you doing on my doorstep?â you ask, arms crossed.Â
âAre you really going to make me do this in the hallway?â he asks.Â
âI donât see any reason to invite you inside,â you retort.Â
âItâs about your, uh, boyfriend,â Johnny says a little awkwardly.
âJoshua?â you ask because that actually piques your interest a bit.
âCan I come in?â he asks.
âNo. What about Joshua?â you ask.
âThis is really awkward. It would be better if we were sitting downâŠâ Johnny starts.
âMy little honeybun, is everything okay?â Joshua asks from inside the apartment. He must be out of the shower.Â
âBabe, we talked about the pet names,â you remind him as he joins you at the door.
âOh, uh, I wasnât expecting him to be here,â Johnny says.
âIâm her boyfriend, so I know why Iâm here. What are you doing here?â Joshua says without hiding any disdain. "Are you really her boyfriend, though?" Johnny challenges. You stiffen almost imperceptibly, but Joshua must notice it because he wraps an arm around you protectively. "Of course I am. Why are you here?"
âI needed to talk to her,â Johnny says stiffly.
âAbout you, apparently,â you say with your eyes on Joshua.Â
âRight, so can you give us a minute?â Johnny asks with his eyes on Joshua.
âNo, he canât. If you have something to say, just say it. Then you can leave us alone,â you say.
âFine, if you really want it to be like this, fine,â Johnny says. âI knew he looked familiar when I saw him at your parentsâ house with you. It just took me a while. I ran into him at a couple of functions back when I was in college and traveling all around for my dad.âÂ
âOkay? And? Iâm sorry, but Iâm not sure why I care,â you say even though you know where heâs going.
âHe was always with older women,â Johnny presses.Â
âCan you just make your point so we can get back to our day?â Joshua asks.
âFine,â Johnny says, irritated. âThe whispers were that women paid him to come to the events with them. That he was selling himself to them.âÂ
You actually snort at the phrasing. It takes you several seconds to compose yourself. You wonder what the point of Johnny doing this and if itâs his way of trying to keep you on the hook. Then you realize that you donât really care what he does. For the first time in forever, youâre genuinely happy.Â
âIâm glad you think this is funny,â Johnny says.Â
âNot that itâs any of your business, but I know how Joshua helped pay for his education. And like why am I going to give him a hard time over seizing an opportunity? Thereâs nothing wrong with profiting off of someone wanting his company platonically,â you say.Â
âYouâre assuming he wasnât also sleeping with them,â Johnny says, a little stubborn.
âNo, Iâm not assuming. I know he wasnât because weâve talked about this. He told me all about it without even being prompted. And unlike certain people in my life, I have absolutely no reason to doubt him. I know I can actually trust him,â you say. âIt was also years before we met. Weâve all got history.â
âNice dig,â he says.Â
âItâs not a dig, Johnny. Not everything is a slight,â you say with a sigh. âWhere does Gabby think you are?â
âWhat?â Johnny asks.Â
âYour wife,â you clarify. âWhere does she think you are?â
âOh, well, thatâs not important. I just said I had some errands to take care of,â Johnny says and you roll your eyes.
âWeâre done, Johnny,â you say.
âWait,â he says as youâre moving to shut the door. âI know I fucked up, butâŠâ
âThereâs no buts. Not anymore,â you say. âMaybe there was a point where Iâd want to hear the buts and the apologies and all that. Iâm happy now, though, and you canât even tell your wife that you came to see your ex-fiancee the day after your wedding.âÂ
âItâs not likeâŠâ he starts and you start to close the door at the same time.
âItâs exactly like that. Goodbye, Johnny,â you say.Â
The second you close the door, you feel a giant weight lifted off you. You just feel tired. Itâs obvious that there arenât any feelings there anymore, so him pretending he cares as a pretense to see you just feels irritating.
âAre you okay?â Joshua asks, eyes raking over you.
âYeah, Iâm good,â you say.
âYou sure?â he asks.
âYeah, really. I think I knew when I saw him at my parentsâ house that time you came over for dinner that I was completely over it,â you say. âIâm sorry he tried to bring something like that up or make it a big deal.âÂ
âI donât care. Itâs like you said, I did it and Iâm not ashamed of that,â he says. âBut, uh, I really wanted to thank you.â
âFor what?â you ask.
âFor defending me and for saying you trust me,â he says. It makes you a little shy for a second, so you look down.
âOh, well, itâs not a big deal,â you say.Â
Joshua closes the space and tilts your chin up to look at him. âItâs a huge deal to me. I know we started pretending, but trusting me means the absolute world.âÂ
âYou make it easy,â you admit.Â
That seems to render him a little speechless as well because all he does is pull you into him in the tightest hug heâs ever given you. Your body fits into his like a puzzle piece. Which sounds sappy, even if in your head, and you donât actually care. Itâs the safest and the happiest youâve ever felt.
âWhat?â he asks when you pull away.
âNothing, I just think this is going to work,â you say.Â
Joshua smiles at you, that genuine smile he saves for when heâs at his happiest. âYeah, I think so too.âÂ
i hope you enjoyed this fic! let me know your thoughts đ
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#joshua smut#joshua fluff#joshua angst#joshua x reader#joshua x you#joshua x y/n#joshua fic#joshua fanfic#seventeen smut#seventeen fluff#seventeen angst#seventeen x reader#seventeen x you#svt x reader#svt x you#svt smut#svt fluff#svt angst#svthub#kvanity#joshua imagines#joshua scenarios#seventeen imagines#seventeen scenarios#svt imagines#svt scenarios#ksmutsociety
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how i make character models* in paint3d
*they are not models. you cannot rig them. but for simplicity i will call them this. also this guy is the example âŹïž
so. paint3d is very jank and not actually that good But it is fun to mess around with and for getting that early 2000s computer game effect for things. this program crashes and lags a lot especially when making more detailed stuff like this so. throughout this Please save your project periodically. I have lost so much to not doing this
if your computer isn't that great it's best to keep the quality setting at it's lowest. these models aren't really that detailed so it doesn't make a huge difference anyways LOL
when you open p3d you start with a blank 2d canvas. if you've Never used the program before i recommend fucking around with 3d view + making 3d shapes for a bit. make a Thing. like just some random object. it does not have to be good it's just to get used to how the controls work (because it is different between my mouse and drawing tablet and im not going into that here LOL). the biggest positive about p3d is how user intuitive it is compared to.yknow. blender when you're done with the Thing and u want to start with your character go back to the 2d canvas/2d view for sketching time
you could probably do this in another program but. i find it easier to just do it here. i keep these pretty simple and try to keep depth in mind
then go to canvas and make the background transparent. and then switch to 3d view to start making the base for the model on top of the sketch
at this point i don't use the 3d doodle shapes yet because they are finnicky as hell. the preset ones are a bit easier to control and move around so they're nicer for the planning part. what shapes you use depends on your character but my guy here is very circles and round so its just a sphere and some cylinders
make sure you're in 3d view and checking the pose from every angle ! if ur guy looks like a roblox avatar without the assets loaded fully then that is ideal. once you're happy with the pose it's Sculpting Time
where you choose to start is up to you but i usually get the head out of the way bc it tends to be the most complicated thing.
this is my best friend forever. the sharp edge is helpful for stuff like metal and whatnot though so i use them both.
for stuff like hair and fur i find its easier to make a bunch of small shapes and then connect them instead of trying to do it all in one go
^better examples with fluffier guys
this part is pretty much just personal preference for how you want your model to look though. just keep adding Stuff until it looks alright. also reminder to be saving your work bc this is when it gets really annoying if p3d crashes
finished head. jus keep addin stuff. copy and paste is a godsend btw.
puffier jacket. also connecting the limbs. just keep addin stuff.
these take a few hours .finished limbs. pretend the backpack is there i forgot to get a progress shot of it
now it is time for the objectively best part which is painting the guy. switch back to the 2d brush but stay in 3d view and start Coloring . i only really use the watercolor brush for shading/gradients and the marker one for lines but this part is also personal preference.
watercolor brush for the blue gradient and marker for the face .
i would Not do this in 2d art but i like adding a white gradient to pastel colors like with the hair here. it compliments the soft shapes well i think. to quote a friend it Looks Gummy
my silly highlights.
almost done with the creature. also mentioning that there are different textures for objects that you can change when picking their base color. the zipper is metal so it gets to be shinier.
theres also different lighting/filters to mess around with + you can doodle on the transparent canvas still.
save ur guy as a image and/or a turnaround gif/video/whatevar u want . and thas it! you can also mess with the model more for different poses and expressions (although this is super laggy bc it has to render a bunch of shapes at this point)
go make some CREACHURES !!
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remember that
Absence makes the heart grow fonder. But everyone need assurance that they are still loved sometimes. The first time Lando almost slept on a couch blurb
warning: couple fight, angst
It was bad. This time, it was really fucking bad.
After weeks of snarky comments being swallowed in, the "it's fine" line being burned into Lando's ears almost on a daily basis and growing minutes Y/N had to wait before Lando decided to respond to her texts, shit finally hit the fan.
They hadn't seen each other for two weeks now. Inevitable fight broke out right as he crossed the threshold. Postponed dates and forgotten dinners lined up. They couldn't help themselves and put it all on the table. First it was the fact she didn't smile upon seeing him, then it was a reminder that he promised to bring something from Italy and forgot. It went on and on and on. She sat at the dinning table, while he leaned over at the kitchen counter.
"Lando, sometimes it feels like I'm in a relationship with your assistant and not you! For heaven sake, this week I had to call him, once again, when I could not reach you. Do you know how embarrassing it is?" she half-screamed into her hands.
Lando took a breath so deep an average yoga teacher would be jealous. "How am I suppose to be expected to pick up on a race day. You know that I get super busy and distracted."
"Funny how you never were when we started dating," she murmured bitterly.
He had to turn away, couldn't watch his love giving up on him just because they were not in the honeymoon stage anymore. "Yes, but now I'm winning races! Closer to my dream that I've ever been. It's different now."
"I'm glad I met you back then, because obviously you'd not date me if we met now," she couldn't stop those words that rotted in her coming out.
A beat. Maybe it was time to actually break the rule for once and go to sleep angry, because it was getting out of hand. "You know what, that's probably true and it breaks my heart that once I start doing well, you're suddenly not the supporting girlfriend anymore."
A crushing blow. "Tell me how am I suppose to support you if you don't even answer my phone! We used to talk for hours!
"Maybe understand that I can't!"
"I do! But you can't assume that I'll let you push me away completely!"
Lando thew his hands up in desperation. How could she not see it? "I'm coming here to you whenever I have a slightest chance! And I come what? You constantly dragging me through the mud."
"Oh interesting you mention that. How sad that your assistant had to remind you of my sensitive skin before you having him book me an "apology mud massage" when you cancelled on me few weeks ago," se shot, knowing it would hit the target.
"How do you even know that!" he said, unable to comprehend that he did not even control his paid assistant, not mention his own life anyway.
"Well, I talk a lot to you assistant! And he slips up!" It was a weird friendship between people who both wished they could get a little more info out of Lando.
"That's it. I can't deal with this now," he said, with the intention to sleep on the couch for the first time in their relationship. He didn't even know why he chose that action, walking towards their bedroom and dramatically bringing a pillow and a blanket over to the sofa, but if this is what couples did when the fought, there must have been a reason for it.
It absolutely infuriated her. Sparked up something she hoped she'd never feel. "Oh, sleep tight." she spitted with bitter undertone.
"I will!"
//
They walked around each other in silence, him getting ready to sleep on the couch and her cutting her skincare short this time and spending more time debating whether to close the bedroom door as they usually would or leave it open. Just in case.
He could hear her shifting back and forth. It angered him a little bit, since he was the one playing a cruel joke on his already tired muscles.
Thousand things she wanted to say and only one came to her mind in a form of an actual sentence. There goes nothing. "Do you still feel good about this?"
"What?" he whispered, not expecting her to speak to him again before the next day.
"Nevermind, forget I asked."
"About what!" He hated when she did this. If you didn't catch up at the first moment, she did not give you a second chance.
"Do you still feel good about us, being together?" She cursed herself for asking this. Dangerous questions brought up explosive answers. She wished for a reassurance and a rejection. She snuggled deeper into her blanket and turned around to face the door. As if wishing for him to stand there and coming back to her.
Lando hated her question. In fact, it made him furious again. But it was a peace offering, he had already learned that before. "Even here, lying on the bloody couch, because we're fighting...It's the place I wanna be at."
Anxiety kicked in Y/N. "What, you mean like away from me?"
He laughed lightly. She was always thinking the worst. "No, silly. The exact opposite...We could both be at thousand different places at the moment. But we're not. And for me at least, it's because like---I want to be with you. I hate that we'd drifted apart lately. I'd love to be in bed with you, laughing without a care in the world, like we usually do. But, we can't do that now. And yet, I'd rather be left on the couch if I know you're next door than all alone in my bed." His words hit like small drops of rain after a long draught.
She whispered, choosing her words carefully. "You're my twin flame. You make my soul light up in fire, make me feel like I'm the sun. Do you know what my biggest fear is?"
Lando also tuned into sweeter tone, one that was more familiar from days filled with sunshine. "What, my love?"
"That we're gonna burn out. You and me, ending up like an epic love story. The good ones work because they end in tragedy."
"You're always so poetic," he smiled, proud to think he was her love story.
"There is no other way to describe how you'd changed my life. Flipped it upside down the moment you walked into the same room."
Lando chucked. "Yeah, remember that?"
"How could I not."
"You were not having a good day."
Finally, she spoke loudly again. "So, what? Everything was going to shit and the event we were doing had to be perfect before the 'important people' arrived".
"Such an ego boost to know I was your priority before you even met me," he uttered, happy to push her buttons.
"Oh, and you were so cocky! Just laughing around, like we were some sort of comedy sketch."
"Well, I'm sorry, have you heard yourself when you're upset? The way how your voice goes up seven octaves higher?" he laughed, his breath feeling lighter now.
"Coming from you, that's rich! You were giggling in a tone so high the elderly couldn't hear you!"
"I'm so happy I managed to bag the grumpiest person in the building. And bare in mind there must have been around 500 people there."
"980 if you could in staff as well."
He let out a heavy sigh. "You with your pristine memory."
She paused before responding. "Yes. Wish I didn't have that sometimes."
"Wish I had at least a pinch of that."
Silence fell in both rooms. Heavy breath and wondering eyes. The lack of their touch suddenly being more obvious than before. Playing a contest who will reach out first.
"Lando?"
"Yes, my love?"
"Can you back here, please?" she said, somewhat nervously. Lando took a pause. There was nothing he wished for more. It hurt to fight. But he figured a relationship needed that sometimes. As the poets say, you loose a woman when you forget to cherish her. He liked to think this went both ways. And they both started slacking a bit. He could only affect his own behavior, with the hope that she'd also come to the same understanding.
"I'd like nothing more in the world, my love."
#lando norris#lando norris x reader#lando norris x you#lando norris fanfic#ln4 imagine#formula 1#formula one x reader#f1 fanfic#f1 imagine#fluff#lando norris fluff#formula 1 fluff#formula 1 fanfic#ln4 x reader#ln4 x y/n#lando norris x y/n#formula 1 one shot#f1 one shot#lando norris imagine#f1 smut#formula 1 smut#ln4 fic#lando norris angst
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sweet child o' mine | pt. ii
hi. this is max's lawyer speaking. please don't get mad at her for this part. she asked me to let you know that she loves you all and hopes that you trust her. sincerely, jimmy mcgill
pairing:Â neighbor!joel x fem!reader
summary:Â you're pregnant with joel miller's kid. he's dating someone else. you deal with it.
warnings: reader is literally pregnant so typical pregnancy stuff like nausea (none of the v word, y'all are safe with me), ultrasound scene set in a hospital, anxiety and guilt surrounding pregnancy, description of body change/growth, brief and i mean brief discussion of abortion, joel is dating someone who isn't reader, age gap (late 20s reader, late 40s joel), reader has no physical description save for hair, cursing, genderless use of buddy when referring to baby, joel kisses someone who is not his partner, mention of alcohol, disturbing & semi-graphic nightmare about being involved in car accident, reader has a panic attack, discussion of dead parents, fluff and the beginnings of angst DISCLAIMER: this series covers some issues which i know may be sensitive and possibly triggering to some. warnings will always be as thorough as possible, but if there's ever anything you feel i've missed, please let me know. feel free to drop by my inbox anytime.
word count: 9.2k
pt. i / series masterlist | main masterlist | playlist | follow @macfroglets w notifs on to be the first to hear when i post đ©”
âI know, I know,â Joel holds a palm up, âitâs nine thirty. I know. But I had to lug all this wood over here, and it â You okay?â
You realize when he pauses that youâre gaping at him, wide-eyed and frozen in place behind your front door. Your jaw hinges shut, a gulp like carpet burn down your throat. You didnât hear a word he just said.
How does he know? He canât possibly. Did he sense it, from two lawns away? Dream about the binding of cells, the furnace left lit in your body from that night? The embers still floating, just waiting to catch to life again?
Did he do the fucking math, the way you probably shouldâve? How does he fucking know?
The minute the question leaves your mouth, you regret it.
Joelâs eyebrows drop. âHow did I know what, kid? That you need new closets? Like you ainât been nipping my ear about âem for weeks?â
Your eyes unlock from his and shift to the slats of wood leaning against the balustrade. The toolbox hanging from his fist. The worn jeans and the white dust marks on his thighs. He doesnât fucking know, you idiot.
Joel steps forward. Takes your wrist. One grounding, steady hand around your thrashing pulse. âYouâre freaking me out. What the hellâs â?â
âNothing,â you chirp, remembering. The closet. The deal. The fucking â the deal. You withdraw your arm. Hidden up your sleeve, quickly slipping out of his grasp, is the news that his life is about to change forever.
Maybe. You donât fucking know.
âNo,â you continue, blinking the burn of sunlight from your vision, âI just â I forgot. Sorry. Come in. Sorry.â
âQuit sayinâ sorry,â he mutters, eyeing you suspiciously. He lifts a foot and hovers it over the threshold, hesitating. Like the first step across a minefield; instinct telling him to tread carefully.
And you swear an oath to yourself, swear it on your own life: if he doesnât put the heel of his boot in your hallway, if he turns around right now whether because his instinct is razor sharp, or because he forgot his lucky screwdriver, or purely because he needs to take a fucking leak before he gets started â you will never tell him. He will never know.
If his intuition is that good, heâll turn around and never show up on your porch again. If he has any sense, heâll forget any of this ever happened. Deal off.
âHowâs the stomach?â Joel asks, sole still three inches from wood.
âWhat?â you bleat, your heel knocking against the bottom stair. Itâs a little more panicked than you intended.
âYesterday,â a crease forms between his brows, âyou said you had a weird stomach. That any better?â
Oh, you think, and as you open your mouth to reply, his foot hits the ground. No answer needed. He was coming in whether you tried to deter him or not.
âOh, yeah. Itâs â Well, itâs better than it was. I think I worked it out,â you grimace, tongue curling under the tinge of anxiety and â well. âThanks,â you add, noticing the brisk cut of your replies.
The heavy thud of his footsteps follows you upstairs, blunt on the carpet as you lead him up. Joel sets the toolbox down and casts your room a quick glance, snapping back to you as soon as you notice him.
You tug on the corner of the bedsheets, a heat bubbling beneath your cheeks. Something shy and self-conscious, all of a sudden. The reality that you donât feel close enough to this man to share the anatomy of your room with him, mixed with the knowledge that the two of you are, now and forever, bound by the anatomy of something a little more significant than dirty laundry and dusty wardrobes.
A little closer than most humans get, letâs say.
âYou want a coffee or something?â you ask, crossing your arms and leaning back against the window sill.
âYou havinâ one?â
âSure. Wait â actually ââ Can you have coffee whilst pregnant? A woman at work quit it altogether when she fell pregnant with her son. Fuck. âIâm â No. Iâm good. But let me go make you one.â
Joel shakes his head, amused. Screwdriver burrowing into a door hinge already. He flashes you a tickled grin. âIâm good just now, kid. Wait until youâre makinâ one. Thanks.â
You lift a shoulder. âWelcome.â
His eyes flit from the twist of silver to your hunched shoulders, your arms crossed protectively over your chest. âYou gonna stand there ân watch me all day? You my foreman now?â
âSure,â you reply, and he laughs. You sniff, twisting your foot into the carpet. The plastic test itches against your skin; you can feel the two lines ripping into your wrist like tiny burns. âI can go, if you want.â
His lip turns, musing. A quick flick of his jaw. âYouâre good company, all in all.â
Metal clanking against metal; fingers knuckle-deep in the toolbox. You can hear the harsh sound across your body, like the point of screws and bite of rust are actually scoring your skin. The groan of a near-fifty-year-old man rising to rip a decades-old door from its home. The creak of wood as it splits.
Everything so heightened that itâs actually painful.
Joel straightens up and pauses, turning his screwdriver between his fingers. âAre we â? Weâre good, right?â
âGood?â
âYeah. Youâd tell me if things were weird?â
âWhy would things be weird?â
His answer scrawls itself across his face. Your response scoffs from your lips.
âI just,â Joel sighs, âI feel like something might be off with ya. Maybe you just ainât feelinâ too hot. But youâre quiet.â
âQuiet,â you whisper, palms locking heavily against your biceps. More defensive than convincing.
âYeah. You usually annoy the hell outta me.â
Over your shoulder, Alice Brown waddles down her driveway, eyeing her flowerbeds. She pauses when Dianeâs station wagon pulls up across the street; stands motionless as she watches the round figure climb out and totter to her own front door.
âJust â not in a very annoying mood, I guess,â you offer, staring at the white head of hair fluttering in the breeze. The glint of a trowel in her hand.
Joelâs chin lifts. He studies you, tongue tracing the ridges of his teeth. And then heâs nearing you, turning until youâre shoulder to shoulder, two silhouettes stood against the bright square of blue sky inside your window frame. His arms crossed; his stare fixed.
The words begin to boil in your stomach. Violent bubbles against the wall of your midriff. Rising like steam, fading into nothingness over your tongue, the sting of heat where your voice wonât collect them.
Joel moves from foot to foot. It feels like some kind of merry dance, some choreographed moment between you â like a skit in a comedy show. I know something you donât know.
âWhat happened â at the wedding,â he murmurs, addressing the polished gold of your bedframe.
Some small sound passes your lips. An affirmative. Youâre on the same page.
âWe didnât use â you know. And with you not feelinâ well, itâsâŠâ A deep breath. Chest full of a ghostly bravery. And then he asks, âAre you â?â
Silence swallows the end of his question whole. You didnât need it, anyway. The stiffness of his frame, his stare shooting straight ahead. The lack of oxygen between you â both holding your breath for fear that something might tear loose from your lungs. He knows. He knows he knows he knows.
You gulp. ââŠIf I was?â
His head cranes upwards, focusing on the cracked plaster of your ceiling. The realization slowly trickling down over his skin. It hasnât seeped through, hasnât bled into his brain yet. âThen,â another breath, âthen itâd be a conversationâŠâ His voice is halved, split somewhere between knowing and â what is it? Hoping?
Your eyes slip over to the worn sleeve of his T-shirt, stretched around the swell of his bicep; scaling up to his shoulder, the tight set of his jaw. Heâs so much taller, heâs so much older. Thereâs so much life lived and so many lessons learned behind his eyes that you wonder how much the news Iâm pregnant would actually crack him.
Your eyes meet. You whisper, âThen â talk,â and his expression softens.
He blinks away whateverâs left of his trying, his polite attempts to skirt around it. He sheds probably a good three decades â turns back into some doe-eyed boy, wonderstruck and terrified. His voice is quiet, and at the same time, the heaviest with emotion youâve ever heard it. âAre you?â he asks, and immediately, he blurs behind a wall of tears.
Your sentence gets caught in your teeth. It made no sense to begin with. Tangled between your molars, latching at the back of your tongue. Your hand slowly pulls free from your sleeve, the little white test between your fingers.
Joelâs eyes instantly drop, staring at the pale stick with a fraught expression you understand to mean the message has finally reached his brain. The same words now ringing between his ears: Sheâs pregnant. Sheâs pregnant. I got her pregnant.
You hold the test out, quivering in the daylight. He takes it in his thumbs, instantly soothing its tremble. Everything muted, every movement steady and considered. And suddenly the sight of that positive test feels less scary, in his hands. Feels like a smaller problem, if that were ever possible.
And he says nothing, and itâs almost unbearable to watch the shape of his lips thin, the shadow beneath his brows darken. Agonizing to stand here and wonder what the next words over his tongue will be.
He stares at it a moment longer. You count the beats of your pulse in your throat. You wrap your arms tighter around your body, holding your skeleton together.
Joelâs lips part. Your breath freezes. Whatever he says, you donât want to miss a syllable.
âAre you ââ he blinks, ââ are you feelinâ okay?â
You stare blankly. His eyes finally lift.
âWhat?â
âAre you feeling okay?â
Your head jerks. âIâm â Iâm fine. I mean, Iâm fucking shocked.â
He nods. âHow long have you known?â
âTook that right before you showed up,â you say, eyes diving to his hands. âTwenty minutes, maybe.â
Heâs still switching between you and the test. Checking those two lines are still there, as if they might fade to nothing, and then checking youâre still there â as if you might, too. Might be swept off if heâs not keeping an eye on you.
His face pales. He sinks back against the window ledge. âJesus,â he breathes, a hand down the scruff of his chin.
And it feels like relief, like a mirror sat before you, presenting the honest truth: youâre fucked, and Joel thinks so, too. It embeds the shock into the cushion of your brain, the weight of it absorbed and laid bare for every particle in your body to pay it a visit. What the fuck do we do now?
âYeah,â you sniff, âJesus.â
But then his arm wraps around your shoulder, reminding you youâre still solid. Still whole. He holds you to his side, and when you turn into him, he takes you in the other and pulls you flat against his chest. His lips to your hair. His breathing slowing yours.
âWeâre gonna work it out,â he says into your hair. âWeâre gonna â Jesus, I did not expectâŠWe are goinâ to be fine, alright? You are goinâ to be fine.â
Youâre nodding, the prickle of tears flooding across your eyes again. Theyâre doing nothing, his words â blunt against your skin and insignificant to the fear swelling around your heart â but it feels better to be afraid with someone. Feels better to hold onto something stronger, something bigger, while you feel yourself beginning to shrink.
âWhat do we do?â you ask into his shirt.
Joel loosens his grip, pulls away until youâre staring at one another. âWhat do you wanna do?â
âI donâtâŠâ Your headâs shaking, lips moving quicker than your voice will offer the words over. âI donât think I want to get rid of it.â
He nods, a hand coming up to hold your cheek. âAlright. Then you donât have to. You donât gotta do anythinâ youâre not comfortable with.â
âBut,â you sniff, guiltily averting his gaze, âthis fucks everything up. Everythingâs about to change.â
Joel takes a long, slow breath. âIt complicates some things, thatâs for sure.â He looks out to the street; Alice Brown now hauling weeds from the edge of her lawn. In his exhale, he breathes a name.
âVâŠWhat?â
He looks down. Eyes dance around your damp cheeks. âVanessa,â he says, clearer now.
âVanessa?â
A nod. His nose wriggles with an awkward sniff. You push off from his chest.
âWho the hell is Vanessa?â
Joel lets you go; lets you step back. He watches as you brace yourself against the ledge. Runs a hand through his hair while he fixes the right order of words. Heâs thinking. Carefully.
Too fucking carefully. Heâs taking too long.
âJoel. Whoâs Vanessa?â
âSheâsâŠâ He sighs. âSheâs my ex. From Tommyâs wedding. Vanessa Hart.â
Your jaw slackens. The purple dress. The hair like silk, a halo around her head where the light kissed her perfectly. Her plump lips; the way her head tipped back to laugh. The amount of air you felt her take up the second you laid eyes on her, the second you saw her, arm on top of Joelâs.
âVanessa,â you whisper, your eyes descending his frame. The memory feels menacing now: her sweet giggle a sneering cackle, and youâve no idea why. The bulky jewels around her neck, her clawed fingers on his arm.
Joelâs hand sits inches from yours on the wooden sill. Alice is walking back inside.
âWe, uhâŠwe swapped numbers the morning after the wedding, at breakfast. I didnât think much of it, but weâve seen each other a couple times since.â
This isnât the time for another itâs a date, itâs not a date argument. What the fuck does he mean by â
âSeen each other?â
âMhm.â He owes you better than that. He reckons so, too. âDates,â he clarifies. âWeâve been on a couple dates.â
âOh.â
Your heart falls to the pit of your stomach. Plummets, dragging with it your breath and your nerve and any other words you can think of. Your chest gnaws at the edges of the cavity left behind. It hurts. It stings.
Though youâve no right for it to hurt or sting: as far as you were concerned, as far as you think Joel was concerned, that night was a one-off. It meant as little as the alcohol draining from your glasses, the vacant buzz of love and hope loose in the air. Equally as intoxicating as each other.
Cataclysmic, for the first little while. So heavily awkward that you would wait to watch Joel head out in the morning, clear of your path, before youâd set off for work. It felt like the aftermath of some natural disaster â the cleanup of debris and mistake.
But oh, it feels like a punch to the gut. Low, unexpected; a foul move by someone who never meant to hurt or not hurt you. Someone ignorant to every move he made, right up to this moment.
Your arms wrap around your body again, as though tending to the bruise left by the sucker punch shaped something like that tall woman named Vanessa.
Joel scratches the back of his neck. âWe wereâŠwe were seeinâ about starting things up again. Me ân her.â
âYeah,â you nod, âI got you. Thatâs â I mean, Iâm â Iâm sorry, Joel, I ââ
âWoah, woah,â heâs stepping forward now, âhey, no. No way. This wasnât you. Well, shoot â it kinda was you. But it was just as much me, right?â
You smile, your face back in the safe hold of his hands. Tears roll down your cheeks, collecting in the corners of your mouth. His thumbs swipe them away.
âThis was just as much me,â he repeats, voice soft and soothing.
âBut, you know â if you wanted to â just âcause I donât want to get â so if you didnât wanna have to â thatâd be okay, you know that, right?â
His head snaps back, brows low. Itâs the first time he looks like his cool has broken all morning. Itâs the first time he looksâŠdownright offended. âAre you kidding me?â he asks, and then, âTell me youâre kidding.â
âI just â I know this ainât ideal. Itâs even worse if youâre tryna make it work with Vanessa. So if you felt like it was too much, thenâŠâ
Joel shakes his head. âShut up,â he says, edged with some kind of groan. âStop talking, right now. Stop. You gotta take a deep breath, alright? Iâm here, ân I mean Iâm here. Weâre in this together. I am not running out on you.â
âJoel ââ
What was a mere crack in his cool before, rips through it now like lightning spreading across the sky. He closes his eyes, a sigh escaping between his teeth. âIf you think I would leave you right now, to deal with this on your own ââ
âI donât,â you tell him, his vexation powering your sudden animation. You wipe your tears away, shaking your head. âIâm just saying, itâs a fucking lot. I donât want you to feel trapped. Iâm giving you an out, man.â
âI am not interested in taking it. Enough. Conversation over.â
âAnd what about Vanessa?â
âWhat about her?â he asks, the question dripping in something akin to anger. He catches himself, draws it back in. âSheâll just â Weâll talk, Iâll explain it. The hell else can we do? One thing at a time, okay?â
âRight,â you nod, âokay. One thing at a time.â
âLetâs just build these damn wardrobes. I sure as hell didnât lug all that timber over here to not do âem.â
âOkay,â you repeat, making for the door.
âAh.â He clicks, and you turn back. âWhere the hell do you think youâre goinâ?â
âTo get the timber.â
âI donât think so,â he says, pointing to your bed. âSit down. Relax. You ainât getting a damn thing.â
Joel calls it a day at six oâclock.
The skeleton of the closet is up: a smooth, tan frame lining one wall of your room. Much bigger, much sturdier than its predecessor.
Youâre in the same spot he left you in: lying across your bed, admiring his handiwork. Heâs good at what he does. You told him twice, and the two of you almost heaved both times. Compliments arenât something youâre used to handing one another.
He left, maybe, three hours ago. Said he had to shower; said heâd be back first thing to finish the job. You sat up to see him out, got struck by a wave of nausea so bad that you fell back to the bed with one hand on your stomach and the other over your lips, and Joel had insisted â demanded â that you stay where you were.
Iâll be back later to check on ya, he assured, setting a glass of water at your bedside. And then he told you to call him if you felt even remotely off â sick, or panicked, or had a tickle in your throat that you couldnât clear â and thatâs when the two of you realized that you donât even have one anotherâs numbers.
And you laughed, the both of you; laughed at the absurdity of you carrying his child when you donât even carry his contact details in your phone. Laughed at how quickly everything has turned one hundred and eighty degrees in the few hours since you woke up. It felt like some form of release, the only way to clear the blockage of tension in both your throats. So, you laughed, until you felt sick again, and Joel swept the hair from your shoulders to cool you down.
The attentiveness isâŠnew. Itâs interesting. Itâs kind, in the same way that being told to say hi to whoever your grandma is talking to in the grocery store, is kind. Sweet, the same way that answering the door on Halloween to a bunch of kids you donât know from a street you donât recognize the name of, is sweet.
Whatever. Itâs fucking weird, alright?
Youâve never seen this side of Joel. You didnât know or even think, in your wildest dreams, that he existed. Letâs face it: you two have spent the entirety of your inhabitance next door to one another, antagonizing each other. Your favorite hobby has always been pissing Joel off â teasing him for having backache, seeing how far down his porch you can launch his newspaper and heâll still go get it. Playing the same kind of music you heard him playing on his guitar that one time, full-volume from your kitchen window just to fuck with him.
And, likewise: his favorite hobby has always beenâŠwell, ignoring you. Doing everything he can not to engage. If it werenât for that fucking cat lady and her jittery green Chevrolet, none of this wouldâve ever happened. She was a catalyst where one was neither needed nor wanted. You wouldâve gone about your life, pinning your underwear only slightly more carefully to your clothesline, and Joel wouldâve gone about his, doing â whatever the fuck he does.
Sure, itâs weird. But itâs nice. Itâs nice to have him on your side, turning to check on you rather than snap at you for something. Nice to have him talk â actual, rounded words in place of grumbles and mumbles and groans and sighs. Nice to hang out with him and watch him work and ask questions about screws and power tools and pretend to be interested just to distract from the weight of queasiness in your stomach.
Your hands trail down, cupping around your navel. Your stomach still feels like your stomach: still soft, still spongey under your touch. If not for the two more tests youâd taken this afternoon, perched on the bathroom counter waiting for Joel to unstick his gaze from his watch and announce, Thatâs three minutes â both also positive, by the way â youâd have no fucking clue.
You hold the bottom half of your tummy, fingers rubbing gently over the skin that will soon enough grow and swell and protect.
âHey,â you whisper, staring at the stationary ceiling fan overhead. A pause. An awkward inhale. ââŠhey, little buddy. I donât â know you very well, yet. I figure you canât even fucking hear me, but whatever. Just wanted to say hi. Iâm â Ew, no. Iâm not Mom, yet. What the fuck. I donât know who I am right now, so justâŠmaybe go easy on me until I figure that part out. And after, too. Alright? Are weâŠwe cool?
âYou canât tell me, I know. I just have to assume weâre cool. Okay. Well. Keep growinâ. KeepâŠdoing your thing. Youâre doing great. Weâre doing â weâre doing alright.
âGood job, kid. Good job.â
Joel tells Vanessa two days later. She takes itâŠabout as well as you might hope.
He says they talked for four hours. Three cups of coffee and a drive to Taco Bell later, she agreed to meet you. Properly. Not across the cluttered dancefloor of Tommyâs wedding.
She â? Is â is that a good idea?
I donât know, kid. Itâs the best Iâve got.
Meet me? Like, come kick my ass for sleeping with her boyfriend?
Joel had sighed and deadened his eyes on yours. Not her boyfriend, he corrected, passing you a sweater folded a little slapdash for your liking, and wasnât her boyfriend when we slept together.
You shook the sweater straight again and fixed his work, muttering to yourself that at least heâs a better builder than he is a folder.
Joel heard you, and let it go. Passed you another â unfolded â sweater to sit in your wardrobe. Letâs just see how it goes, alright?
Alright.
Weâre really trying this again. Itâs only been a couple weeks.
Okay.
And neither of us have had much luck in that department since we broke it off, yâknow?
Joel. I said okay.
He held your gaze a moment too long. Okay.
Youâre on your porch when he strolls over, wrist blocking the six oâclock sun from his eyes. Newspaper in his fist, wind licking the corners. âForget somethinâ today?â he asks, meeting you at the top of the steps.
âCame out to get it,â you brace yourself on the railing, âfelt sick. This is me workinâ up to it.â
âYou want me to toss it back onto my lawn so you can go fetch me it?â
You smile, eyes screwing shut. âWas coming over to ask what time for tomorrow.â
The reminder snaps him from his happy daydream. He says, âI was cominâ to ask you the same thing. Seven work?â
âSevenâs good. Are we getting food?â
âYou wanna get food? I figured maybe you wouldnât be up for it, what with the, uhâŠâ Joel gestures to your hunched position, your head low between your shoulders, your deep, deliberate breaths.
âMaybe just drinks,â you utter, gulping back the sharp taste of bile.
He nods. âDrinks it is. You okay? You need anything?â
âIâm good. Thanks. See you guys at seven.â
Four minutes early, thereâs a knock at your door. You pull it open, and there they are. Picture-perfect, like they might be posing for a holiday card. A bottle in his arm, a bunch of flowers in hers. A timid but genial smile between her cheeks, a twinkle in her eye. That same circle of shining light around her head, brunette tresses curled into bouncing waves.
âHowdy,â Joel says, stepping into the space you create. He dips his head, kisses your cheek, whispers a brief, Yâokay? in your ear. You nod quickly, gently shifting him out of the way.
Vanessa lingers for a moment in the doorway. She glances from Joel to you again, blinking in the porch light. Her pale skin lit in an ethereal glow. Sheâs prettier up close.
Joel addresses you, hand brushing the small of your back, ââŠthis is Vanessa.â
âHi,â she says, and pushes the flowers towards you â a small bouquet of gypsophila and eucalyptus. Bright, polite. Each sprig laden with the burden of appearing simpatico, but important. Meaningful, in the airiest sense of the word. âHi,â again.
âHi,â you echo, and then feel stupid for having nothing more to offer. You can feel Joelâs eyes on you, hot on your shoulder.
But Vanessa takes the weight from your chest. âItâs nice to meet you â officially. I saw you at Tommy and Mariaâs wedding. You looked so beautiful.â
âThanks,â springs from your tongue sooner than the rest of the sentence. Your brain scrams to find more words. âYou looked â you looked great, too. Do you wanna â? I mean â Sorry. Come in. Obviously.â
She clicks over the threshold, her pale dress floating into your hallway like sheâs part of a dream. Sheâs just as beautiful in this light, relaxed form â pastel blue and the glimmer of golden jewelry â as she was in the sleeker, more dramatic form you saw her in before. An aura about her which captures and tends to your attention. Intense, captivating, but not intimidating.
You usher them to the living room, offer them a space on the couch while you take Vanessaâs flowers to the kitchen. Joel follows you through, sets the bottle on the counter.
âNonalcoholic,â he says, unscrewing the cap.
Your eyebrows jump. âGreat. Thanks.â
âSheâs nervous,â he murmurs, leaning in. âI know you are, too. Yâall are similar like that.â
You slot the stems into a vase of water one by one, carefully organizing a display. âShe seems sweet,â you assure him. âShe shouldnât be nervous.â
âNeither should you.â
âIs thisâŠtotally weird for you?â
Joel breathes in deep, filling three glasses. âYeah,â he says, eyes never lifting from the sparkling peach.
âSorry.â
He angles his jaw. âStop sayinâ you're sorry. Iâll kick your ass.â
Your head drops between your shoulders, eyes lifting only to his elbows. âSorry.â
He scoffs, swiping the glasses and stepping back to let you out first.
âIâm trying not to make it weird,â you offer, slipping by.
âI donât want you to try anything.â He kicks your ankle lightly and follows you back into the living room.
Vanessa sits forward and clasps her hands around her knee when you sit back down, shifting as though to reach for you before she stops herself. âHow are you feeling? Joel said youâre a littleâŠworse for wear, right now.â
âIâve been better,â you say, smiling. âJust morning sickness. Which lasts â all day.â
She nods sympathetically. âMy sister had it rough with her first. I actuallyâŠâ She twists around, reaches for her purse, fishes out an orange packet. âI brought you some ginger tea. Kate told me it helped her a lot, so.â
She holds it out in almost trembling fingers. Likewise, you steady yours to take it from her, thanking her with a shy nod of the head. âThatâs so kind,â you reply quietly, eyes darting to Joel. Heâs staring at the pack in your hands, watching as you turn it over to read the back.
âAnd â listen,â Vanessa continues, the acceptance of her offering clearly fueling her assuredness, âI donât want anything to be weird â between you and I, between you and Joel. I know this situation isâŠnew. Itâs, umâŠâ
âItâs kinda weird,â you say, humoring. âItâs okay. I know.â
She breathes a relieved laugh. âIt is. Thank God you said it.â She glances back at Joel, who smiles at her, slips his hand onto her knee. âBut I guess,â a deep breath, âI guess it is what it is. And weâre all adults, you know? We can make it work, right?â
Your head switches rapidly between nodding enthusiastically and shaking enthusiastically. âYeah. Yes. No, absolutely. And, you know, me and Joel â there isnât â weâre not at allâŠâ
âOh,â she bats the idea away, âI know. I know that. He told me everything. Itâs â You know, itâs just a timing thing.â
Joelâs staring down at his hand locked around her leg. Unblinking. Unmoving. His expression doesnât shift until the two of you settle back into your seats; until Vanessa asks if heâd mind making you a cup of ginger tea.
You barely notice his absence, the way she takes you up in conversation. Like twirling you off in some kind of dance, each sentence strung safely to the next. There are no lulls, no awkward pauses. She asks about work, asks about your family. She tells you stories about her niece, whoâs three now, and compares how youâre feeling to how she remembers her sister feeling.
Then her work, and the IT guy her friend hooked up with, and her class at the gym which sheâs trying to convince Joel to come along to, and Kateâs hot yoga class every Thursday night, and the new sushi place which just opened downtown and You gotta try it some day; the nigiri is divine.
And you nod along, and you laugh at her anecdotes and tell your own, and Joel tells her to tell you about the jazz band who were playing at the restaurant they visited a couple weeks ago, and you offer to top her drink up and she says sheâll do it herself and she leaves you and Joel alone for the first time all evening, and â itâs weird.
Because â behind the veil of conversation youâre doing your best to uphold, sits an image of this very night â only, in Joelâs house. In Joelâs house, on Joelâs couch, drinking nonalcoholic wine with Joelâs brother. Joel and Vanessa leant against one another on one couch, Tommy and Maria on the other.
You canât help it â youâre wondering what Maria thinks of Vanessa. How long they knew each other, if at all, before the breakup. Whether they hung out, whether they discussed sushi and yoga, or the housing market, or their Miller boyfriends and their annoying Miller habits.
Maria wouldâve liked her, you think. Wouldâve found her as lovely as you do. And the idea, the image of them giggling together at family parties and being Tommyâs Maria and Joelâs Vanessa â presses a firm, bullying finger into the bruise you thought had faded some from the other day.
And once theyâre gone, once youâre left alone again â lying in still silence, closed in on yourself by the thick darkness of your room, nothing but you and your thoughts and your unborn child for company â it slips out.
âFuck her, right?â You hold your hands out, addressing your stomach. âShe was so fucking nice. Did you like her? Fuck me, I liked her. I hope they break up.â
And then, realizing who youâre talking to: âNo. Sorry, baby, no. I donât hope they break up. I want your dad to be really happy. But â Goddamn. She was so sweet. I thought she was gonna slap me, and she just â she brought ginger tea! Fuck. They look good together, donât they?â
Itâs just hormones. Just the emotional trip that is being four weeks pregnant. Everybody feels like this when they fall pregnant â sensitive, vulnerable, clingy. Right? Right?
Your words sit stagnant in midair. You swear you can see them, heavy and intruding. Awkwardly lingering someplace they donât belong. Because none of it even matters â the hormones, the emotions. The weird knot burning a hole in your chest, shaped like a clenched fist, knuckles branded by the heat of longing. It canât matter.
Youâre where you are, heâs where he is. A pillow in your arm, Vanessa in his. Feet apart, bricks and mortar and something like twenty years and two dates too late separating you.
Both staring up at the ceiling, wondering who the otherâs thinking of.
âAt eight weeks, your baby is roughly the size of a raspberry.â
Your knee bounces, breath coming and going in shaky ripples. The rubber sole of your shoe cries against the sterilized hospital floor. Your chest hums anxiously and your throat catches when you swallow and are the lights too bright? The room too hot? Youâre sweating. Why are you sweating? Can you breathe right now?
Joel nudges your arm and your eyes roll to the pamphlet in his hand, his finger tracing the words. âCâmon,â he utters, leaning in, âhow can anything the size of a raspberry be scary?â
You squint under fluorescent white. âA raspberry that grows into the size of a watermelon, can break my ribs, make me throw up, make me lose hair, and then tear my vagina apart on its way out? Thatâs pretty scary.â
He smirks. âNot to me it ainât. My vagina stays perfectly intact the entire time.â
âOh, fuck off,â you reply, whacking him.
He laughs, swatting your palm away, keeping ahold of your fingers inside his own. âSpeaking of â we gotta talk.â He elbows you, waiting until youâre looking again to speak. âWe gotta cut the language.â
âCut the language?â
âUhuh. Rein it in. And by we, I mean you.â
âUh,â you scoff, âI donât think so. When you do the growing, then you can rein your own swearing in. Leave me alone, asshole.â
âCharming,â Joel says. âYou know the baby can hear you? You want it to come out swearinâ like a trooper?â
You grin, tipping your head to him. âIf it comes out and says anything, weâre rich. So â yeah. Let it.â
He opens his mouth to reply when a nurse emerges from a nearby room and calls your name.
âYouâre up, kid,â Joel says, standing beside you.
You turn back, speaking before your brain settles on words. âIâm scared.â
âHey,â he says, taking your hand. He squeezes it gently, uses the other to keep you facing him. âThis is the easy part, right? Weâre just going to meet them.â
âOh, fuck,â you breathe, and wander over to meet the nurse. Joelâs hand a vice grip around yours.
She leads you into a similarly washed-out clinic room, only slightly dimmer with the lights turned out, and yanks a roll of paper across the bed. Tapping it twice, she smiles. âHop up, darlinâ.â
You settle into the crinkly paper, leaning back until youâre blinking up at the speckled ceiling. Another door opens and a woman in a white coat floats in, and you swear that if it werenât for Joelâs Eveninâ, maâam when she greets the two of you, youâd believe she were a figment of your imagination. Another character in this fucking insane dream.
âNot often I do these past five oâclock,â she says, clicking her mouse and typing on her keyboard and fixing a hair grip back into her bun. Casual. Itâs not even a thing to her, introducing parents and children. She does this all fucking day.
Joel tosses half a glance to you and then realizes youâre not currently in the room. He pinches your hand again. It grounds you for all of two seconds.
âYeah, uh,â he clears his throat, âwork commitment. I couldnât get away any earlier, so weâre havinâ to do this a little late.â
âWhat do you do?â she asks, staring at her screen. Her glossy brown eyes and rich, dark skin.
âIâm a contractor,â Joel replies, thumb stroking your shoulder.
Something bubbles in your stomach, something akin to jealousy, an urgency to tell her that right now, in this room, heâs mine. No more questions. Something which quickly dissipates when you remind yourself to quit being fucking ridiculous and that right now, in this room, heâs someone elseâs, and the thumb on your shoulder is merely to hold you back from fleeing. Nothing more.
The sonographer nods. Her name badge reads Freya. Pretty name. Stop picturing what your kid would look like as a Freya. You are not naming them after the first sonographer you meet.
âShouldnât be too long, then yâall can get home for the night. You live nearby?â
âTwenty minutesâ drive. Not far, are we?â Joel asks you.
Your eyes shoot down to his. âNo,â you push your cheeks up, telling Freya, ânot far.â
She flattens her lips against one another, lending you a sympathetic smile. âYou got nothing to worry about, honey. Promise. Gel might be a little cold, thatâs about as scary as this gets. Weâre just gonna make sure everythingâs looking good, check your dates, check your measurements. Youâre doing great.â
âYou hear that?â Joel murmurs, settling down into the chair by your side. His hand hasnât left yours. His voice is low, meant just for you, when he repeats, âYouâre doinâ great.â
You huff a laugh, some nervous release from your lungs.
Freya smiles, face lit by the faint glow of the screen in front of her. âWe ready?â
You roll the hem of your tee up when she motions, bunching it under the wire of your bra. She squeezes a bottle over your stomach, which tenses solid when the frozen bite of gel curls right below your belly button. Freya smiles apologetically when you wince. Told you, she murmurs, and your breath escapes in a slightly more comfortable laugh. Lighter, easier. Scariest part over.
She presses the probe to your skin and spreads the gel, coating the bottom of your tummy in a slippery slick which tickles with each inch she covers. Two buttons pressed, and a dark image appears on a screen opposite you.
A gray fan, speckled like the ceiling above your head. Dark, black shapes growing and shrinking at the turn of Freyaâs wrist. She pauses, two blobs onscreen: the larger, black, round, home to a smaller, misshapen one. Flecked with white and silver and moving slowly, gently, but â right there.
âMom, Dad,â she grins, âmeet your baby.â
You and Joel move forward at the same time, drawn closer to the crunchy image as if by some kind of natural magnetism. Eyes never blinking, lips agape. The shapes flutter, the smaller dipping in and out of view.
âYou see right here, right in the center?â A white cross appears over the blobâs middle. âThat little movement? The kinda â pulsing?â
You each nod. Your nails dig so deep into Joelâs hand that you risk drawing blood.
âThatâs the heart. Ticking away.â
âThe heart?â you ask, watching the rhythmic flicker in the center of the screen.
âYep. Perfect, too.â
She hits another key and suddenly the room is filled with a muffled thudding; a steady, energetic pulse in your ears. It matches the movements onscreen, the tiny throb of the babyâs chest, the shape of your womb moving like waves before you.
And suddenly, it's real â all of it: the screen and the room and the sonographer and you, and Joelâs hand encasing yours, holding your knuckles to his lips, and â
And the heartbeat. Right there, right in front of you. Shy, probably as nervous as you are to introduce themselves. Feeling your eyes on them, curled up somewhere safe inside you. Right there.
You turn to Joel, and his illuminated face is staring straight at the screen. Eyes soaked with tears, blinking as they form, cheeks dappled with wet. He draws his eyes from his child only to look back at you, only to mirror your stunned smile, your disbelieving laugh, more tears dripping down into his beard. He sits up, presses his damp lips firmly to your forehead.
Freya mutes the heartbeat, pauses the scan where the image is clearest, and sits back. âIâll give you guys a moment to yourselves,â she says, wheeling back in her chair. âTake all the time you need. Iâm right outside.â
âThanks,â Joel mumbles for the both of you, sweeping hair from your face.
The door closes on your little bubble â you, Joel, and the grainy image of your baby. The evidence that â yeah, that night happened, and yeah, youâre forever changed because of it. The evidence that youâre about to become a mom, for real, no matter how much the thought makes you feel like your stomach is kicking around at your ankles.
And the evidence that, no matter how scared you might be, how unprepared and unworthy you feel â you fucking adore that little blob already.
Love it as much as Joel does, stood over you, kissing your hair and whispering words youâre only half-listening to. A quiet thank you, a shaky I canât believe it. Something about showing his brother. And when you look up at him, blinking at one another, inches apart â he takes your jaw in his hands and lowers his lips to yours.
Different. Softer. No want laced through. No urgency. Nothing needed, nor requested, that isnât already right here in this little bubble of yours.
He kisses you slowly, eyes closed, holding you until you pull away for breath. His nose bumps against yours and you laugh, heads together, eyes low.
âStill scared?â he whispers.
âTerrified,â you tell him.
âMe, too,â he says, and kisses you again.
You lean back against the bed, relief settling your bones and soothing your heartbeat. The notion washes over you that, if you could, youâd stay in this room forever. Staring at the screen, holding Joelâs hand. Whispering fears into his mouth and letting him swallow them in a kiss.
He hands you some paper towel and helps you drag it across your stomach, your eyes still fixed on the little shape opposite. He hooks his chin over your head â the fresh, woody smell of his cologne infiltrating your lungs and throwing you under the haze of something youâre not quite sure how to define.
âDuck,â he says, voice vibrating into your skull.
âHuh?â
âStart saying duck. Make the baby think weâre saying that, then you can say ââ he lowers his voice, ââ fuck, all you want.â
âThe hell would I have to say duck for?â
Joel stands upright and shrugs. âI donât know. Think of somethinâ. A nickname, maybe.â
âDuck?â
He nods plainly, glancing over to the screen.
The pillow beneath your head sighs as you turn from Joel back to the ultrasound. âBaby Duck,â you offer, and he smiles.
Smiles in a way you donât think youâve ever seen him smile. Eyes glistening, cheeks swollen. Something innocent and earnest about it. Something pure.
He agrees. âBaby Duck it is.â
Joel insists that you spend the night at his place.
âItâs been a big day,â he reasons, fixing the bed in his guestroom. âJust â let me run around after you for a little bit.â
You fight your corner as much as you can be bothered â I gotta maintain my independence, Iâm gonna be a single mom soon enough, you know â but, truthfully, youâll take any excuse to have him rush around at your beck and call. Some days you open your mouth and he hears the wet click of saliva between your lips, and grabs a glass of water for you before youâve even voiced the request.
He orders takeout, settles shoulder-to-shoulder with you on the couch, and lets you pick whichever movie you feel like putting him through until the foodâs gone, heâs out of beer, and youâve abandoned Heath Ledger and Julia Stiles for an argument about the best part of pizza.
You donât like the crust?
Nope.
What fuckinâ age are you?
If it ainât stuffed, itâs just not worth it.
At eleven, you bid him goodnight and wander upstairs, falling into a sea of navy-blue sheets to be delivered to sleep by the serene silence of Joelâs home. It takes no time for your eyes to flutter closed, the soft sheen of moonlight painted across the wall, sweeping from your view to be replaced in a whir by â
Lights. Overhead and all around and so bright and so close that you swear theyâre etched on the inside of your eyelids.
Youâre in the backseat, watching them soar by in blurs of white and red and amber and green, and your pulse is rattling through your veins and throbbing between your temples and you canât focus on any one object for longer than three seconds, before your eyes roll and your head dizzies.
A word, slung from your lips in a half-wakened attempt to stop it. A word you barely recognize at first, donât understand the meaning of. Itâs been years. Why now? Mom.
Youâre not sure why, or who youâre even reaching out to. There are two figures in the front seats, heads facing forward. Sheâs not turning around. Sheâs not even fucking moving, not reacting to the speed or the lights or your voice. Mom.
You scream it, the syllable ripping violently from your throat, and your tiny fingers reach for her swirls of hair. You pause, staring at the chipped polish on your stubby, kiddy nails. Mom, Iâm scared.
The distorted blast of a horn scoops the car up in one motion, hurtling over itself along the freeway. Youâre thrown to the roof of the car, plummet back down to your seat; the seatbelt throttles you, rips a burn deep into the skin of your neck. Back up again; your head hits the spongey roof of the car. Your stomach somersaults.
Mom, please, you wail, swiping for her hand. Itâs lying limp by her thigh, dark droplets on her wrist. Mom Mom please Mom Iâm scared Mom please Iâm so scared I â
âBaby.â
His voice is low, earthy. It chews apart the high-pitched squeal of brakes and screaming. The glass smashing. The metal crunching.
You lift from the bed like itâs ice water, gasping when you finally surface back on Earth. Your chest heaves, itâs not sucking in enough breath; you canât breathe you canât breathe you canât fucking breathe.
Joel whips the cover from your legs and you roll from the mattress, feet planting on the floor. You bend forward to grip onto the sheets, a choking rising up your throat, closer and closer until it tugs on your tongue.
âIcantbreathe,â you pant.
Joelâs body curves around yours. âYouâre alright,â heâs telling you â urging you; one hand between your shoulder blades, the other holding your wrist for fear you might collapse. âIâm here, youâre okay. Youâre at my place, youâre safe, but, kid â I need you to slow down. Youâre hyperventilating.â
You work your breathing to the strokes of his hand up and down your spine: in out in out in and out and in and out and in, and out, and in, andâŠoutâŠand inâŠandâŠout.
âThatâs it. Keep doing that. Youâre good, baby, I got you. I wonât let anything happen to you.â
In â and out. In â and out again.
The room slowly desaturates back into boring, moonlit blue. Feeling sputters back into your hands, clawing at the sheets once the sharpness dissolves. The cotton pets back, smooth under your quivering touch. Your lips stop tingling, your ears stop ringing. One after another, until your blood settles back to a steady stream and you straighten up.
âCan you sit down for me?â
âNo,â you whimper, and Joel nods.
âThatâs alright,â he says. âIâm gonna get you a drink, that okay?â
You grab his T-shirt. âNo. Donât leave me. Please. Sorry.â
He cups your frozen cheeks. âI ainât goinâ anywhere. Just downstairs. You can come.â
He settles you at his kitchen table and shuffles over to the cupboards, rubbing his eyes. You feel the heat of embarrassment and guilt, watching as he settles down with a groan minutes later.
âGinger,â he tells you, voice rounded by his mug, sliding one of your own over to you.
âSorry,â you mumble, lifting it with two hands. The smell sharp, cutting up the remnants of gasoline and smoke.
âMany times do I gotta say it?â he asks dryly. âQuit sayinâ youâre sorry.â
You gulp nervously. âYou got work in the morning. Youâre gonna be exhausted.â
âAnd if I hadnât let you keep me up watchinâ chick flicks, Iâd be rested. Thatâs something I can deal with later. I got you to worry about right now.â
You shake your head; the ceramic hits the table with a sharp thud. âI donât want you to worry about me.â
âWell,â Joel sniffs, âyouâre carrying my child. Iâll always worry about you.â
You sit back, the curve of the chair cradling, your heart beating lamely against the wood. Joelâs jaw rests in the cushion of his palm, staring back at you.
âWhat time is it?â you ask, and he glances over his shoulder.
âThree. Take a sip.â
âIâm fine.â
âSip.â
You obey, lifting the tea and swallowing harshly.
He watches every move, every shift reflected in his dark eyes, decorated by a tense, stony expression. âDoes this happen a lot?â
âNever,â you say. âThis never happens.â
Joel cranes his jaw, cracks his neck. âAlright,â he sighs, âthatâs okay. Breathe again. Youâre doing fine.â
But you donât feel fine. The dregs of panic sizzle into something thicker, hotter. Anger. Frustration. âWhy the fuck is this happening?â you hiss, fingers prodding into your eye sockets. âWhat the fâ?â
âEasy. I donât know. Hormones? Stress?â
âYou sound like my fucking doctor.â
Joel smiles. Amusement, before concern wipes over it again. âLetâs just give it some time to pass, okay?â
You nod, hanging over your drink, the silhouette of your reflection staring back at you. The steam snakes up, seeping into your skin, bubbling under the surface. Wiping clean any memory of freeway or nail polish, like coating over a bathroom mirror. The shapes still visible behind, but blurred. Gone.
âHowâs Vanessa?â you ask, an attempt to distract yourself.
Joel adjusts a little awkwardly in his chair. âSheâs good. She loved the scan photo. Showed it to her sister. Theyâre sure itâs a boy.â
âHa. Joel Jr.â
âJoel Jr.,â he agrees, and then attempts to distract himself. âSo,â he says, âAllandale.â
âMhm?â
âWonder if I ever saw your mom or dad. When I was there visitinâ Sam.â
You shrug. âDoubt it. I mean, they always lived right next to the elementary school, if that helps. My mom was a first-grade teacher. The two of us used to walk there ân back together, every day.â
âFirst grade, huh? Best one.â
âYeah. Yeah, and she was the best of the best. She used to go all out for her kids; used to go to Michaels and get all this crafty stuff so they could spend all afternoon making little houses or zoos, or â whatever she could think of. And sheâd always keep some aside, bring some home for me to make one, too. One time, she came home with all this blue tissue paper and little foam fish, and we made an aquarium together.â
âThatâs pretty cool,â Joel says.
âYeah,â you say again, nodding eagerly. âShe was so cool. And fun, yâknow? I just remember her being so much fun. I always felt safe with her, felt loved. I actually used to think she hung the sun every morning, just for me.â You take a deep breath, replacing it with a broken sigh.
âWhat about your dad? What was he like?â
You frown. âHe wasâŠfine. Real quiet, reserved. A little grumpy, I guess. I always got the idea he couldnât be bothered with me, young as I was. Always wanted to be left alone. I think my mom overcompensated a lot.â
Something flashes across Joelâs face that seems to say he knows â or, at least, he understands. Almost imperceptible, a quick flicker of annoyance. âYou miss her?â he asks, switching back.
âMy mom?â You almost laugh, gripping onto your mug. Staring at the slow swirl of ginger. A shrug which presents more like a flinch; an animal swatting a fly away. âI miss those parts, when I think of them. The aquarium, the walking to school. Miss the memories. But I donât think I knew her well enough or long enough to miss her.
âIâve lived way longer without her than I ever had her. Done everything without her, like ââ gesturing down, ââ this. But, sometimesâŠsometimes, I bundle the sheets up behind my back in bed, and I pretend itâs her. Pretend I have a mom, and sheâs cuddling me to sleep. I dunno. Maybe thatâs what missing her feels like.â
Joel soaks in every word you say, letting the shape of each one settle on the table between you before he speaks again. Letting them be spoken into the dead of night, collected by no one, and letting them fade into silence. Secrets sweeping off into starlight. Nothing you would admit in the daytime.
âWhat was her name?â he asks, voice timid and gentle in the dark kitchen.
You almost choke on your tea. âShoot â Iâm sorry. That was a lot. Sorry. She, uh â Her name?â
It brings the first genuine smile to your lips; the memory of your mom now clear behind your eyes. Her round cheeks, her fluttering earrings. The deep, dark curls of her hair, thick ringlets twisting and lighting in the sun. The gap between her front teeth, the purse of her lips as she kissed your cheeks, your hands, your tummy.
Her name like a melody in your head; a safe word, a calming mantra when the world becomes too noisy, too saturated, too sharp to bear. Two syllables. Two little beats, like a piece of her still lives in the sound of her name.
âSarah,â you tell Joel. âHer name was Sarah.â
#*hits post*#*throws laptop from bridge*#joel miller#joel miller fic#joel miller smut#the last of us#tlou#macfrog#neighbor!joel miller#neighbor!joel#babydaddy!joel miller#babydaddy!joel#tw pregnancy
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the lusty cabin-dweller
pairing: ghost / Simon riley x fem reader summary: your life gets wider when you find an injured man outside of your cabin. tags/warnings: Skyrim!ghost, secrets, graphic injuries, some angst, facial injuries, nursing Simon back to health one stew at a time <3, listen to this for the vibes, vaginal + anal sex, oral (f), animal attacks, blood, processing an animal for meat and fur, violence, death (non-major), mention of Skyrim racism, softdom!Simon, some backstory, please hmu if i forgot anything, one bed trope, simon backstory adapted to skyrim lol (so past abuse, murder, theft, domstic violence) but nothing graphic w.c: 5k
Honey-nut is squealing again. Some days you think she might not be worth the milk and cheese she gives you for all the trouble she causes. A high, strange bleating cuts through the chilled night air like a knife, sharp and terrifying only for a moment.
She's been at this since Frostfall. Maybe it was the weather causing Honey-nut distress - she was getting old, after all. For a goat.
In the time it takes you to trudge out of bed, pull on a wool shift and a fur, two things happen: one, Honey-nut stops bleating, and the woods surrounding your cottage becomes deathly silent.
Two, a crunch.
Just one, but it's enough. Someone is outside.
For a brief, hysterical moment, you worry for Honey-nuts safety. Have they hurt her to be quiet? No, you'd have heard that at least. Your breath comes fast, chest squeezing. Bandits? Probably not. It's a decent hike up to your wooden cottage. But it is nearing winter, and soon it will be Sun's Dusk. It's not unheard of that they'd be looking for a place to take over for the colder months.
Your hand goes to your heart, fingertips touching your throat. Be calm, you tell yourself. You aren't helpless, look. The axe, leaning by your front door. You can see in the dark well enough, and you're more familiar with your homestead than they are.
The axe feels right in your hands. Too-familiar, weighty, deadly. You touch your ear to the door, trying to reign in your fear. Nothing. Then, a wheeze, strangled and restrained like whoever it is can't afford to be heard. But you have heard it, and you push the door open.
"Show yourself!" You shout, voice surer than you feel. Your knees quake a little, but your grip on the axe is strong.
The animal pen is a mere few steps away from your front door. Past the front garden, it's wide open aside from the little shelter you built the past Mid Year. A foot sticks out, clad in armor.
"I'm armed," you add. "You're not getting anything from me!" The world is dark, the woods quiet. Adrenaline burns in you, bright enough to guide your steps.
"You gonna kill me with that, girl?"
Gruff voice, like scraping rocks. Coming into view, you see that this man poses no threat. He's half dead, slumped and pale, clutching his side.
"Who are you? What's your business here?" The axe is a deterrent, now. Just for show. You hold it above him, but nearly drop it when you see his face. It's sliced right through the middle, from his forehead to his jaw. "Oh, gods-"
"Mind yourself with that," his eyes flit to the axe. "Or put me out of my misery now."
Your shoulders dip down, lowering your weapon. Guilt crawls into your belly and settles there when you notice that yes- his feet are armored, but the rest of him is dressed in miners attire. White, coal-dusted shirt. Workman's pants, tucked into woolen calf wraps. God, he must be freezing. Maybe that's saved his life, staunched the bloodflow. It's tacky on him, not shining wet like you expected.
"What's happened to you?" You cringe at the sound of your voice. It's gone from fierce defensiveness to cloying concern, staring only at the blood staining his skin.
He breathes hard, staring at you a moment. It's hard to tell what he's thinking, what he's feeling. Outside of obvious pain. Leaves around you shiver in the breeze, a light snow beginning to fall when he finally speaks.
"Bandits," he grunts. "An ambush." Every word is a fight, a wheeze. Empathy drives away caution and you drop your weapon in favour of kneeling beside him.
"Come on, then. Let me help you," lifting him is a monumental task, even with him helping. He's as big as horse, thick as one too. Legs like tree trucks that hold him up just barely, feet sliding weakly on the uneven ground.
Looking back, Honey-nut watches you bring him through the doorway with a judgmental twinkle in her eye. Maybe it's time for goatherd pie.
///
Your bed is too small. His feet hang off comically, and the wood creaks under his weight. It'll have to do. Your mother would have beaten you black and blue for this - for inviting a stranger in, for settling him in your bed without so much as a whatâs your name? But you know how to stitch and turning away someone in as bad a shape as he is would weigh on your conscience.
You light the sconces along the wall, and then a lantern to keep by his bedside. Warm, orange light fills the cottage, flickering every so often, inspiring calm.
"I'm no healer," you warn him. "Nor an alchemist." Itâs not necessarily a lie. You had done a brief stint as a volunteer for the temple of Kynareth, lending your hands and your time to help nurse wounded soldiers. There had been supervision then, though. Guidance.
"Iâm shit out of luck for choices, sweetheart,â his facial wound leaks a little when he speaks, blood running down the side of his face in thin rivulets. The wound at his side, however, is what worries you the most.
âLet me,â you murmur. Your fingers find the edge of his shirt, pulling them out of his pants, and up, up, gently. Looking him in the eye, watching his pain win over his weariness.
Another gash, swaddled in cloth wrapped sloppily around his middle. Without moving him you have to cut them off, slicing off his shirt at the same time. This one bleeds sluggishly, skin shredded, like heâd been dragged over coarse rock.
He words slur, energy leaving him. Mumbles under his breath things you canât make out, and donât try to. Youâre busy rinsing, cleaning, and patting his ribs dry. Tensing every so often, he breathes hard through his nose to offset the pain. Mumbles some more, hands making fists.
Itâs bad, but heâll live. Exhaustion might trump over all, anyhow, what with how his eyelids have begun closing. Through the slit of them his eyes are pale, like sunlight through deep blue ice. Blonde lashes, stark against the dirt and coal smearing his skin.
You work in silence, letting him sleep through this one so heâll hopefully be unconscious for the work you have yet to do on his face.
âWho did this?â You whisper to no one. Youâre a breeze in the night, alone, hunched over this man and wiping his face with a cloth.
Clear of blood and grime, you gather a sewing needle and dip it into the lantern flame. Stitching is easy, but on his face? You falter a moment, worried, until you think of how proud men often are of their scars. Boasting battles won and creatures slain.
Itâs that thought that pushes you through to the end, weaving the needle through until he's sewn and clean of blood.
///
Sweat and iron. The smell of it, sharp and salty, sea foam and earth, is the first thing you're aware of.
Then, the light of morning. Pale, almost white, invading through the windows in rays. A chill. Your eyes open with a not insignificant amount of effort, back twinging in different places as you become aware of the world again.
"Awake?" You startle, jerking up. It's the man from the night before, laying as he was, a little curled against the pain and big as an ox. "W's startin' t'think you'd sleep all day."
"It's morning, is it not?" You're not used to talking this early - or at all. "How's the- how are you feeling?"
He grunts, shuffling. His wrapped side has some blood peeking through, little spots of leakage, not enough to lose your head over. His face has swelled some overnight though, and you're awake enough now to hear the muffled quality to his voice. Part of the cut pulls his upper lip tightly. You wince.
"Just wait. I have something for the," you pause, crossing your space on stiff legs to find the bookshelf. Clay pots, glass bottles, books. Ah, here it is. "For the pain." It's some elixir. Purchased the last time you'd made the trek to Markarth from Muiri, the alchemists apprentice. It brings forth a distant memory of pain, of twisting your ankle running after Honey-nut.
Your ankle hadn't quite healed right, but this was good for when winter came and stiffness made the pain worse again.
He eyes you wearily as you approach. Suspiciously. As if you haven't been helping him out of the kindness of your heartâŠ
"This will help," a promise.
"Don't need'it." He slurs, then cringes as it pulls his lip again.
"You'll recover faster if you're in less pain."
In the end he acquiesces, if not just to take the edge of the purpling that's beginning to show on the edges of his bandage. Broken ribs, maybe?
///
Chores need to be done whether or not there's an obstinate patient in your bed. Honey-nut needs to be milked, and she fights you every step of the way. You discover her pen open from last night and sigh with relief that she's still there.
The chickens have laid eggs for you, and you collect them diligently in your apron. Then, the garden. And finally a sweep of your traps in the woods.
Just one rabbit, but it's enough. You hope the man likes stew, and that his swelling goes down enough for him to tell you his name.
///
He tells you his name is Ghost. Strange, but you've heard stranger. Maybe he's a follower of Namira, you wonder not without an inkling of apprehension. Ghost is quiet, even as he heals. After you'd made yourself a straw bed on the other side of the cabin, you'd wake to him sitting up and stretching. Testing himself. Always silent.
The exhaustion was the worst of it. One nearly empty bottle of elixir later, the swelling on his face has gone down significantly. His ribs sore but on the mend. It was sleep that he needed, and lots of it.
Days passed like this. Switching bandages, wiping and cleaning, cooking enough stew for two. Nearly a week until he was up and about insisting to help around the cottage.
"No need," you tried to gently push him back into the warmth of the open door. He was too big, and having none of it. "You'll be better in no time."
He was just so tall. Were he to stand still at your doorway, half his face would be covered by the top of it. Despite his condition, you could tell that your initial comparison to a horse was completely on the nose. Stocky as a boar, arms thick as mammoth tusks. Hairy like blonde wheat shining in the sun. You'd noticed as much, watching him rest, watching his eyelashes flutter on his cheeks as he dreamt.
///
Ghost works like you're paying him in gold. He sweats, arms swinging down over and over again above the chopping block. There's enough wood to last three winters now - maybe four. Every job he takes is finished to excess. Your roof has never looked better, re-thatched in rotting places and swept clear of mildew. The old wood fence in your garden? Replaced.
Honey-nut finds her new favourite person when he dismantles what he calls shoddy work, and rebuilds her a shelter twice as big. The chickens are still weary, but enjoy receiving the kitchen scraps he tosses.
"There's really no need for all this," you insist again, because he's come back this afternoon with an elk on his back.
"Didn't need to fix me up, either, did'ya?"
You break it down together. Ghost does the harder part, while you take cuts of meat to dry for jerky. The rest will go into a venison casserole, with juniper berries.
"Hey- Ghost?" You call. He's skinning the rest of it for furs. "I'm off to gather some berries for dinner."
A nod, and you're off.
Your basket is old, woven, carried once by your mother and now you. Silly, but special all the same. It's stained with many years of berry collecting, many years of winter nights spent tucking into fruity crostatas or summers full of juniper mead.
The hills are rife with the low, rough trees. They grow like weeds here in the Reach, mountain pocked with patches of light green and little blue berries. Once, as a child, you'd made the mistake of eating one straight off the branch. Bitter as burnt coffee, it was lesson you'd learned through tears of laughter with your mother. A happy memory.
Does Ghost have a family? You wonder again about him, about why a man like that is wasting his time mining. He could've climbed the ranks as an imperial and been a General or - divines forbid - a stormcloak. You prayed he wasn't so craven as to follow Ulfric and his band of Nord supremacists.
It's this distraction that leads you right into the waiting jaws of a sabre cat. Quick and silent, it reminds you of your patient for an absurd moment before you're tripping backwards, basket full of berries scattered and forgotten. Your hip makes contact with the ground hard, pain lancing through your joint like a spear.
Fuck, how could you be so stupid? This was a mountain, leagues away from the nearest town. Sabres, bears, wolves. You'd always, always used awareness as a first precaution. Sight, sounds, keeping your ears tuned to the slightest crack in a twig. If not, there was the bow and arrow stowed away under your bed.
Now, you were caught unawares. Muscles under it's fur rippled, a low growl in it's barrel chest, creeping toward you. Adrenaline burned through you like a fever, hot and electric all at once, freezing you in place by the weight of your heart in your stomach.
Stendarr's mercy, dying from an animal attack after living years on the craggy peaks of the mountains, avoiding ambushes and robberies. Living on goats cheese and chicken eggs, nothing yet achieved. What a waste. Miserable, hopeless tears prick at your eyes. Your breath leaves you in quick, desperate puffs. Running wasn't an option - it would only encourage the sabre. Sovngarde, here you come-
"Aaarghgh aaaaa!" A roar. Loud, ringing in your ears, as fierce as a cave bear. It's Ghost, jumping through the brush towards you with his arms above his head. "Bugger off!" He's screaming loud, voice cracking a little, the stitches at his lip tearing just enough for droplets of blood to fall.
"I'll put you down!" It's nonsense, but it's loud, and he's massive. Taller than the sabre even if it stood on two legs. When he reaches you, he steps in front of you. Shields you.
The face-off is likely less than a few minutes, but it feels like time moves as slow as honey. Ghost faces of the sabre, screaming like a madman, beating his chest and waving his arms. It creeps backward, hissing and fighting, but is cowed by his stance and size.
When it's disappeared through the maze of juniper trees, he turns to you. Extends a palm rough like bark.
"How long have you lived here, again?" His voice grates as usual, made worse by his shouting.
Your face heats in embarrassment. "A few years. I'm not usually so distracted," you dust your dress, patting yourself. Twigs and dirt fall from the wool. "I swear. I got lost picking berries."
He snorts, like you're stupid. You feel stupid.
The basket is half empty when you call it quits, tired from fear. Ghost is hunched beside you, holding his ribs again, rubbing his lip almost compulsively.
"Stop that, you'll get a thicker scar," you reach for his elbow.
"Don't care much about that, love," he shrugs your hand away.
Dinner is made in silence. It's a miracle you have the energy, but while you're physically drained your mind is running in circles. You watch with concern as he sits gingerly back on the bed. The pain in your hip pulses with sympathy, pulsing heat travelling down your leg and up your back.
"Need me to take a look at anything?" Besides his obvious discomfort, you'll have to fix his face back up. You'd prefer for him to be in a welcoming mood.
"I can handle it," Mr Stoic over here. "Did'ya take a fall?"
You drop dried frost mirriam into chopped, boiled potatoes. Then a pad of butter.
"Yes, but I'm alright," the cream sauce comes together, ladled over the venison. You're out of eidar cheese, but Honey-nuts goat cheese crumbled over everything is perfectly fine. Ghost eats like a furnace taking coal, anyhow.
"Let me see," he's up close. Again, you've been taken unawares. A sharp inhale like a gasp, heart beat picking up, breathing in the smell of him. It's gone from bloody to pine, to earth, to fresh wood. His hands find your hip and you hiss, trying to jerk away. In doing so you press your side into his chest, curled close, warm not just from the fire. "It's alright, sweet girl." He murmurs into the top of your head.
This tenderness is new. His fingers are as gentle as you've seen them in the last few weeks, pulling up the thick skirts of your dress and assessing the tender skin. It's a little hot to the touch, painful. The rough pad of his thumb brushes against you softly, making you whine.
His lips brush your hair, not quite kissing you, but affectionate nonetheless. You're close enough to see his throat bob when he swallows.
"Just a bump, huh, sweet girl?" He takes over, mashing the potatoes, setting out plates at your little wooden table, guiding you by your lower back.
You eat in relative silence, thighs brushing, a tension bubbling to the surface like stew on the fire. He spares you a few glances between bites, still wincing whenever he has to bend down.
"I'll take a look at that again before bed," you speak through a mouthful of creamy venison.
Sure enough, he's reopened some of his stitches. Not worst case scenario, but you spend a few minutes hunched over and bandaging him up again. He stares at you intently, eyes so clear and focused you wish he wouldn't. It makes your hand shake.
Moving to get up and back to your straw bed, his arm shoots out as quick as an arrow and takes your wrist in his hand. His stare is the same, squinting at you like he's waiting for you to confess something. Like he's waiting for you to give in.
"You're not sleeping on the floor," he says, sure, chest puffed. "Not with your hip. Come on now, come lay down." Gently, he tugs you down. Protests make it to the tip of your tongue and nowhere else, not with the promise of a mattress on your sore muscles and screaming hip.
It's too small though, much too small. Already he was hanging off, shoulders taking up the entire width. You curl forward, on your good side, facing away from him and into the dark. The cabin is still warm from cooking dinner.
His breath puffs on the back of your neck, hand finding your arm and stroking up and down. Soothing you. He curls around you, following the natural bend of your body.
"Simon," he whispers.
Your brow almost touches your hairline. "That's not my name."
"No," his reply is half spoken, half physical. He wraps an arm around your shoulders, bicep under you, cradling you, his big bear paw hugging your shoulder. A stray pinky ventures dangerously close to your nipple, fingers spread. "It's mine."
The world widens. "Yours?" You breathe in, out. It's trust, is what it is. He's giving you a piece of himself, this stranger, for you to hold. "Simon," you taste it in your mouth. "Simon."
He laughs against your hair. "Was watching you," he confesses. "After we got- after the ambush. Walked for days, till I found you."
"How long did you watch?" You're curious, if not a little suspicious. "You weren't casing it, were you?"
"No, nothing like that. Couldn't keep walking," he sighs loud like a dog. "Hadn't eaten, hadn't drank. Needed to know if you were somewhere I could stay."
"That's why Honey-nut was losing her mind," the realization is half funny, half scary. By the eight, you really hadn't noticed someone living so close-by for so long?
"Honey-nut?"
"You've met her, Simon. She's the goat."
"Ah," he snorts. "I've been calling her Molag-Bal, for how she's got us in the palm of her hand."
"Simon!" You shriek with laughter, shaking until he squeezes you from behind. So close his heartbeat taps against your back.
///
A week goes by, and each night is the same. You wake together, sleep together, eat together. Simon regains his strength and his wounds turn into scars. His face is deeply marked, but you've never known him another way. Truthfully, it adds to his handsomeness. There's a ruggedness there that one can only develop living in the rough.
The air gets colder, frigid in the mornings and nights. Light snows have begun falling, and Honey-nut begins her bleating until you put up the winter wall of her shelter, boxing her in. The chickens slowly cease laying eggs, bundling together, clucking at Simon when he checks for the seasons last bounty.
The time to make a trek to Markarth is creeping. You need dried goods, grain, seeds for spring, dried meats, elixirs - everything. It'll be your last trip before you're stuck in the freezing mountains with nobody but Honey-nut to talk to.
Books are your salvation during the cold months.
"I have to get supplies soon," you break the news to Simon early in the morning, when the light just barely creeps over the craggy peaks of the mountains. "In Markarth."
There. It's over with - telling him. You know you're being a coward by not asking directly, but you need to know. What is he going to do now that he's healed? Spend a few more months with you? You're still mostly strangers, practicing domesticity together, but strangers nonetheless.
"Can't go to Markarth," he says.
"Why's that?"
Simon looks at you then, eyes hard and tender at the same time. He grimaces a little, scar twisting wit his expression.
"Used to work there," A pause. "Used to⊠mine there."
"What?" Cidhna mine is for prisoners. You take a small step back, shaking your head. "What?" You repeat. Cidhna mine? Is that how- oh. His injuries, his waiting to see who you were before approaching. By the gods, you've been tricked!
"You tricked me-" you start, upset. Was he a killer, a robber? Images dredged from the recesses of your mind float to the surface. Men, fire, your mother cut down before you.
"No, no," he interrupts. He's shaking his head, not quite stepping forward but leaning toward you. Eyebrows drawn up, palms facing you in supplication. "Sweet girl, I," he looks around then, as if the words will appear written in smoke from the hearthfire. "Listen to me please," he pleads.
"Tell me what you did!" It's a near-shout, but you're upset. He's been cozying up to you while running from the law. Not that you're a total stickler for rules, but the men at Cidhna mine aren't there without reason.
The most secure prison in Skyrim.
"I will, I'll tell you. Just sit down please, sit with me." He pats a chair, sitting in the one beside it. Beseeching you. "Cm'ere, sweet girl. M'sorry."
///
You sit quietly while he tells you, choking a little on the rising tide of emotions. The biggest question is should you believe him? This story of his past, his father, a childhood spent learning to steal and bully to survive. Elixirs for a brother hooked on skooma, food for a mother grown sickly from her husbands abuse. Eventually getting rid of his father altogether, and wining up in Cidhna.
"If what you say is true," your voice wavers, throat tight with emotion. "Why not tell me?"
He shrugs his shoulders, looking up for a moment as if asking the divines for guidance.
"You never asked."
For a moment, you want to be indignant. You laid with him, cooked for him, wiped blood and sweat off his brow.
But he's right. You never asked, never thought to - just wondered, minded your business, content to help someone in need of it. The feeling of betrayal loosens in your chest, releasing it's vice grip on your heart, a calmer acceptance taking place.
The position it leaves you in is awkward, even if you're content to believe him. You've been too yielding since you met him. Accepted him into your home, accepted his story. Ambushed by bandits? A silly lie, now that you think of it. Vague, believable. Easier than explaining that guards had slashed him as he escaped imprisonment. That he couldn't go back because he was so recognizable.
You don't speak as you get ready. It's not an angry silence, but one brought by embarrassment. How stupid he must think you are, cozying up up to him like that.
The question of where he'll go burns still in your mind, in your gut. You're nervous, fingers shaking a little as you wrap long strips of warm wool on your calves, forearms, and between your fingers. Your dress is double-layered, boots sturdy.
It's a trip and half, lugging everything. You're on foot until you reach the nearest inn, and from there you rent a horse and cargo carriage. Easier from there, with Jazbay the white mare to pull you along.
"I know someone in Cidhna," Simon interrupts your thoughts. He's always tall, imposing, a little intimidating. Now he looks as sheepish as a man like him can look. "Could youâŠ" He extends his hand, a letter clasped in it.
You grimace, but nod curtly.
"Thank you, honey," he breathes a sigh of relief. Honey. That ones new. It fills you with warmth.
"You're welcome to stay with me," you blurt. Impulsive, stupid. Brought on by the familiarity of his affection. "For the winter, I mean."
He's across the cabin in two steps. He presses his front to yours, hands cupping your cheeks, thumbs gently rubbing your cheekbones.
He kisses you, then, and everything slides into place. Your stomach tightens, hands coming up to grasp his shoulders, gasping into his mouth. It's wet, lips smacking noisily, the only sound in the near-frozen forest. Acceptance, sweet and buttery. This is a man whose never had a home.
"I can't stall any longer-" you try. He interrupts you with his mouth again, long kisses like it's reviving him, revitalizing him. "I gotta-"
"Shh, sweetheart," he hums lowly. Gods, you've never been this wet. It soaks into your cotton underwear, clit pulsing in time with your heart. "Let me take care of you, yeah?"
///
He's so solid, firm muscle and hard cock. It leaks between his legs, bobbing with his abdomen where he's kneeled on the floor, face in your cunt.
"Simon!" You're shouting, unabashed. Years have passed since anyone's touched you last, and you're sensitive as a maid, gripping his too-long hair almost meanly. Simon licks you like a starving man, slurping, letting you drip and then sucking it off your skin. His fingers find the entrance of your pussy, fitting himself in two at a time.
Once you've begun, you can't stop. He fucks you on the bed, letting it creak dangerously. Bends you over the table, cock dragging in and out of you deliciously. You shake and shiver in his arms, wrung out and insatiable all at once.
"Can I have you here, sweet girl?" He thumbs at your other hole, dipping in, kissing your inner thighs.
"Yes, gods yes, Simon," you drag his name out. Si-i-mon. It sounds good that way, breathy, not spoken but moaned and screamed. It's late evening, dark, colder now that you haven't lit the fire.
No need, when his cock is as hot as coals and slides between your arsecheeks like a divining rod. Your pussy is aching and hot, too-sensitive. You're belly down on the bed again, hands gripped in the sheets.
When you deliberately relax your muscles, he fits his fingers in your ass using come as lubricant. Spits down onto you, watches you start to rub yourself into the bedding desperately.
"None of that," he pants, pulling you up by your hips. A whine builds in your throat, which he shushes by pushing his other two fingers in your cunt. You yelp, moving toward him and away from him. He keeps you still, firmly holding your hips.
You come, tears beginning to leak into your sheets, when he presses his cock against the notch of your hole and pushes in.
A long, deep groan from the pit of his stomach starts and doesn't stop until he's sheathed. You're frozen, stuck in a gasp that doesn't end, filled to the brim.
Simon begins to rock, shallowly, stealing your breath and breathing it back into you with every thrust. It's then that you begin to make sound, crying out and fisting the sheets, rocking your hips with him. He reaches around, leaning down to kiss your shoulders and play with your clit at the same time.
"Not gonna last," he says into your skin. "Gonna come inside you again."
You're easy - so sensitive that if he breathed on you long enough you're sure you'd peak. His fingers twisting and pinching your clit is pure madness, and you tighten like a vice around him as you yowl your last orgasm of the night.
His hips snap into yours roughly, abandoning your clit for the flesh of your hips, pounding, dragging, grunting into you as he finds his own release.
Half-asleep, you fell him roll over onto his side and turn your head to face him. He's smiling lazily, stroking your skin, still sweating from exertion.
"I'll come with you tomorrow," he whispers.
"I thought you couldn't come to Markarth?" Confusion prickles at you, brows coming together. He finds the furrow with his thumb and smooths it away.
"I can't, honey. But I can come down and wait for you."
"You will?" Hope rises in you, in tandem with affection.
"Always," his voice is a soft murmur.
"Tomorrow, then."
"Tomorrow. Goodnight, sweet girl."
<3
#cod x reader#cod mw2#task force 141#141 x reader#drgnfly writes#simon riley x reader#ghost x reader#simon ghost riley#simon riley#skyrim au#i truly don't know but i had fun writing it#hehe#cw dubcon#tw dubcon#cw murder#idk what else to tag#i love skyrim#i dont know shit about goats#genuinely this is jokes but i've been playing a ton of skyrim so here you go
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pairing: wolf hybrid denki kaminari x chubby cow hybrid reader
summary: denki kills and eats hybrids, you're his newest target... at least his target at the beginning...
word count: 3.8k words
a/n: this is actually quite messed up but i really like it, i've been writing this for ages!! i hope you like it !! please check the warnings before reading !!
content warnings: prey/predator, dubcon, smut, unprotected sex, knotting, yandere denki, stalking, manipulation, mentions of denki killing and eating people, blood (not descriptive), pet names, kidnapping (but lowkey willingly), reader is turned on by the thrill & danger, praise, degradation - mdni / 18+
cow hybrid reader and wolf hybrid denki!!! he's an actual predator and god you look so tasty. typically he goes for bunnies but you look irresistible. his yellow fluffy ears paired with a sleek tail that matches, along with a black tip end, resting against the side of his leg and a glint of a sharp tooth as he smirks disarming people who should be on high alert around him. slanted, hooded, golden eyes that scream impure desire. he's charming and friendly. just because he's a wolf hybrid it doesn't mean he's dangerous... he wouldn't hurt a fly... that's the last thought that runs through the bunnies heads who become his latest meal think at least.
denki drools when he spots you for the first time, he's seen cow hybrids before but none as beautiful and appealing as you. you're so soft and plump, dark patches litter your skin and your ears droop down the side of your face, two small horns at the top of your head just poking out of your hair too little to do any actual damage. always wearing short denim shorts and skirts with room for your small tail. overalls, dungarees and skin fitting button up shirts that leave little to the imagination. it's mouthwatering as he watches you bend down and tend to your vegetable patch. often twiddling your fingers whenever he spots you, he's been following you for days to know about it and he wonders if you can sense when he's watching you. he doesn't wait this long with other hybrids but he wants to watch you longer. he doesn't know why. he finds you fascinating.
one afternoon your hare hybrid friend visits your cottage in the middle of the forest. "i'm just saying you need to be careful all alone out here. hybrids have been going missing lately in the woods. no one has heard from alice in weeks and she lives closer to you than anyone else does."
your friend peers at you while you look away, instead focusing on your wooden table separating you two. you're not ready to look in his eyes yet, you know the concern will be evident. you glance at your lilies in a vase that are starting to wilt and your blue ceramic teapot with a homemade tea cosy covering the middle section that alice made you last christmas.
he frowns and crosses his arms, you can practically feel his annoyance and displeasure of you avoiding replying.
you take a sip of tea and finally fully digest the information, making eye contact with him. "i appreciate you looking out for me but i like it here. i don't want to move into town."
"move in with me then. i'm on just the outskirts. please, i don't want anything to happen to you." he tries to convince you but you don't budge.
"i'll be even more careful, i promise. i'll always double check the doors are locked and never go out after dark." you shut down the conversation and move on to how your sunflowers are growing quicker than normal this year. you don't want to move, you love your cottage, 'alice has probably just gone to see her family and forgot to tell everybody.'
denki watched as you bid your friend goodbye and he did not like the way you wrapped your arms around him on the doorstep, his taller body engulfing yours and he tells you to promise him you'll be safe. denki hated it. you're his prey, no one else is allowed to touch you.
alice isn't the only one that goes missing, hare doesn't taste nice. no one is allowed to touch you. his pretty heifer.
you unknowingly had denki's rapt attention, so much so that he ended up spraining his ankle on a tree trunk while observing you from the tree line. at that point he decided this little waiting game of his was done, he wanted to get it over with, now annoyed, you're not fast enough to run away from him even with his dodgy ankle and not fast enough to give him an exciting chase so he wants you gone. he does want to hear your voice close up and get you to trust him though, that's always his favourite part (even more than chasing). luring someone in the open, close enough for him to pounce.
today you ventured further in the forest than normal looking for berries to collect for the pie you're planning to make clutching a woven wicker basket tightly so you don't drop any berries, wanting to make it back home before dark just like you promised to your friend. also wanting to be home soon to start making your pie. you're planning to have an early night, you didn't get much sleep last night you swore you heard something outside but chalked it up to the wind playing tricks on you but the doubt still lingered, walking downstairs wrapped in a blanket as you triple checked you locked the doors.
even with a sprained ankle denki was still able to sneak up behind on you and surprise you, wolves aren't labelled as predators for nothing and he hasn't been following you for weeks without your awareness because of luck. "hey sweetheart," he's leaning against a tree bark and looking you up and down hungrily.
you jolt at the sudden voice and yelp turning around to look at him, startled at the handsome hybrid. you're no idiot though, you back away slowly, not taking your eyes of him. warnings from your friend blaring and running through your head. cautionary tales from neighbouring kids as children. your mother drilling into your head at a young age not to trust strangers, not to trust predators no matter how pleasant they seem. she told you stories about how many people still dehumanise hybrids, ostracising them from society. how it's rare to see none hybrids living in hybrid settlements but it still happens, love still happens, love conquers all. but predators... stay away from them. they will do anything in their power to get you alone and make you disappear. there is no such thing as love or friendship or kindness that a predator can feel towards prey, no wolf will love a bunny, no bear will befriend a cow.
"i-is there a problem sir?" you keep backing up, your back hitting the tree. you're cornered. he's faster than you and you know it, wolves are known for being good runners and you are notoriously known as a bad runner from anyone that knows you. you're not going to end up like one of those missing hybrids though, you'll find a way out of this, you're close to your house and you know not to trust a wolf. you're not going to be deceived...
"'sir'? i like that." he smirks and your face heats up. you're not going to be deceived...
"if you'll excuse me i have somewhere to be, someone is waiting for me." you try to keep your voice level and move around him.
denki slams his hand against the tree you're currently backed up against and growls, "don't think so babe," your eyes widen and he leans downs to breathe low in your ear, "why don't you talk to me instead. i get lonely and you're so pretty. i'll be better company than who ever you were planning to see." a shiver runs down your spine and before you can say anything else he crowds your space even more and presses his finger against your lips to stop you from talking again. with his other hand he's lifting your top up and stroking your waist gently.
you should resist. you should run. you don't move.
the voices of reason from your loved ones fade away as his words make you feel wanted and the way he's touching you makes you feel desired. instincts screaming at you, 'he's a wolf! this is a trap!' you ignore it. his hands on you just feel too good. you've never heard of wolves liking cows before, maybe he is just lonely because people don't trust him just because he's a wolf hybrid. you know what that's like, people assume things of you just because you're a cow hybrid.
denki smirks as he takes in your reaction, your shoulders slack and your body relaxes, 'adorable.'
you won't fight him now, you're going to be delicious.
denki digs both his hands on either side of your wide hips, keeping you in place, he doesn't want you to move and try to wriggle away. he breaths in deeply as the scent of your blood permeates the air from the way his sharp fingers from his paws are pressing into you.
you're physically frozen apart from a small quiver. a million thoughts flash through your head, 'this was always his plan, i'm going to die here.' he ignores your tremble and goes to bite you neck, tearing your jugular and killing you. his teeth grazes your skin and you unknowing gasp loudly making denki immediately freeze in his tracks because with that gasp comes a spike of a new smell and it's triggering his dick to harden.
his grip on you gets tighter and you whimper. he raises his head from your neck to look you in eyes in disbelief, "are you really turned on right now?" your mouth opens and closes, no words coming out. he swallows and his disbelief grows at your lack of a rebuttal or any answer, "i'm planning to kill you, you know?" everything is the silent and denki can hear your heartbeat loudly in your chest. "are all cows this fucking stupid?" more silence. denki lifts his head up to look at the sky and grits his teeth inhaling deeply before looking back at you. "jesus you smell so good."
he presses his leg in between your chunky thighs and you whine at the contact. denki groans and his eyes darken even more than they were. if any of his friends saw him right now they would be grossed out, it's not normal to want to fuck someone you're planning on eating. bakugou would tell him he's messed up in the head. maybe he's just horny in general, he wonders if sero is still single, sex with him is always so mindblowing. the thought of that makes him growl again...he doesn't want sero, he wants you, he needs you.
your eyes are cloudy and your blood is starting to drip down staining your skirt. denki glances at you and sees a dazed look on your face, "fuck it," he murmurs under his breath and rips off your underwear, disregarding your shocked shriek. he takes what he wants and he wants you.
he hurriedly unbuckles his belt and shoves down his jeans, pooling down at his ankles.
denki wastes no time slamming his cock into you and starts thrusting at a brutal pace. "feel so amazing, such a pretty little cow." tears run down your face as soon as he stretches you, it's painful and you've never taken someone as big as him before especially when no foreplay has happened. "too many clothes," he mumbles again and tears off your shirt, pulling your bra down and grabbing your breasts harshly, groping to his hearts content, occasionally pinching and flicking your nipples causing you to wince. your pussy warm and getting wetter, sucking him in every time he goes to pull out causing him to growl deeply. your moans get louder and the pain dulls into intense pleasure. little moos escape your mouth and it makes denki go even more feral, wanting you to keep making those sweet noises.
this whole time you haven't been speaking, you don't want to speak, you don't want to think about what will happen after this and after you had gotten used to the pace you stopped making any noises apart from a hushed sob or two. eventually one particular thrust leaves you squealing loudly mixed in with a loud moo. your head feels fuzzy, like its full of cotton wool and you're pressing your body closer to him and trying to match his pace he doesn't stop you, enjoying your neediness for him. "wan' more. need more. want you s'bad," slurring your words and hiccuping. denki is stunned by your attitude, this whole time you've been surprising him. picking up your plush thigh he wraps it around him higher and starts pushing into you harder. you scream loudly and try to hold onto his arms, losing your grasp as your body bounces on his cock. "lemme come," you beg.
"awe, you wanna come," denki teases you snickering, "think you deserve it?"
you nod your head frantically. "yeah, yeah, 'm good and pretty, jus' like you said."
he hums like he's actually considering it before answering "i never said you're good. i said you feel good. i might let you come later."
you start blabbering, fat tears streaming down your face as you beg and plead but he just smirks with a gleam in his eye. "i'll think about letting you come if you take my knot like a good girl." his pace becomes even harder than before and you feel something forming, it's enlarged, swollen, bulbous, that's getting bigger continuously smacking against you but not going in.
"knot?" you tilt your head confused. if your head was more clear you'd have an idea what it was, sometimes when you go into town you hear people talking and once you had heard about knots in passing.
"are you serious, are all cows this dumb?" he teases you and cackles.
pouting, you deny his accusation, "'m dumb, just don' know."
denki quirked an eyebrow, looking amused, "oh, when did you become so vocal?" he says playfully. "you'll find out what a knot is in a minute sweetheart."
wanting desperately to come you nod your head while your moans and ah's increase. "ssshit, gonna give it to you pretty girl," he groans and pushes his fat knot, ropes of cum spilling into and stuffing you full. a silent scream escapes your mouth and you lean against denki's lithe chest, a little moo comes out and you shake.
he growls at you telling you not to move after you start shifting and wriggling, unable to pull away from him and his knot. it's hard for you to keep still, you thought it was painful before but the larger stretch makes you feel like you're being torn apart.
as you lean against denki and pant heavily a light blush forms on his cheeks. in the back of his mind he's thinking about how he wants to wrap his arms and never let you go. he's brought back to reality as he hears your sobs and his eyebrows furrow. it shouldn't matter to him in the slightest that you're in pain, it's his plan that in the next hour you won't be breathing but he doesn't like it...
"want me to make you come now sweetheart?" he soothingly asks you. in between sobs and small cries you tell him you want to come and he lets you. "you've such a good girl. you've been such a good cow. so obedient. cute little heifers get to come."
being plugged full of his cum and his cock still hard and throbbing in you, he grabs hold of your pillowy thighs and spreads them further apart, lifting one up to perch it around his slim waist after slipping down his leg previously from hard thrusts shaking your body. his other hand going down, unknowingly he retracts his sharp nails to make sure he doesn't hurt you at all, and presses against your clit, making figures of eight, at the same time grinding into you and gyrating his hips.
denki can't stop his groans as he feels you clenching around him. he speeds up, wanting to feel you come around him and his knot.
you arch your back and your eyesight goes starry, you moan as you climax and denki helps you ride out your orgasm. denki groans again feeling you come undone. cunt now puffy and swollen. the pain begins to dull after such an intense orgasm but you still clutch onto denki's top tightly. he sees that you're still in pain and frowns, caressing your soft skin in a second attempt to calm you down and relax you.
there's so many thoughts running through his head right now as he holds you, thinking about how beautiful you are and how you make his heart skip a beat. he thinks about your cute patchy skin and supple body that feels so heavenly. thinking about the judgemental comments from people if they saw what just happened, and people could, neither of you tried to muffle your voices and you're out in the open. thinks about if he's starting to change his mind about you... thinking about what he was planning... it would be a waste of a couple weeks of watching you but he's thinking about how if anything did happen to you he'd be gutted. he thinks about how if he saw another hybrid try to hurt you he'd be furious. he'd make them pay. he would want to protect you, keep you safe. make sure you're his... 'safe? mine? what am i going on about. i don't think i'll go into the forest again for awhile... i'll stick with bunnies from now on...'
he's jolted from his thoughts as you copy him, tenderly tracing circles along his hip. denki intakes air as he feels the tender touch, almost lovingly, it nearly makes him cry with how you're touching him. your mind is completely blank and your face displaying bliss from the aftermath of sex. you're so pliant right now, he could just take you, no one would notice, you'd just be another hybrid that's gone missing in the woods. you wouldn't even fight him.
denki starts talking quietly, making it very clear what he says is for your ears only which makes it all the more sweeter and he tells you that you're beautiful and asks about the berries you were carrying and which berry is your favourite. he whispers to you about how he sprained his ankle earlier and little stories and anecdotes stuff like how he was once electrocuted when he was a toddler holding an umbrella in a thunder storm and how he lived surrounded by non-hybrids a lot of his life but he's still wary of how they might have turned on him at the drop of a hat, he carries that anxiety with him even now, hidden but still there. he lived there before he found his safe haven, his friends he met, hybrids like him, he called them like-minded and you weren't really sure what he was referring to.
you hum listening to his stories and press your body against his even more due to getting cold from the lack of clothes you were wearing and the sun that's staring to go down.
after a while of more of his stories you ask, "can we kiss?"
"huh?"
"we haven't kissed this whole time and i think we should."
he bursts out laughing and accuses you for only wanting to kiss him because of his teeth which you vehemently deny causing him to laugh more. "alright sweetheart, i'll give you what you want." tilting your head up he kisses you delicately before evolving into something more hungry, his tail swishing softly and languidly behind him as he licks into your mouth, tongues intertwining, and teasingly trails your bottom lip with his teeth.
his knot begins to soften and he knows soon he'll have to pull out. he holds onto you tighter not wanting to let you go and that's when he's made up his mind. he's not going to let you go. you have no choice.
you whine and he hisses under his breath as he takes his cock out and watches his cum drip down your thighs, wanting to get you both home as quick as possible so he can go down on you and feast on your combined taste. denki holds onto your waist to keep you from falling over, your knees wobbly from standing in that position for so long. "i've decided what i'm going to do with you." you gulp and try to stay calm, at least you've had great sex before dying. "i'm keeping you." he grins at you.
"w-wait what?" you ask confused.
"i thought i was gonna to eat you." he explains and you nod your head gathering that was your demise. "but now i want you as my cute little girlfriend."
you're stunned, genuinely speechless. "i have questions... can i ask questions?" you request timidly.
'cute,' denki thinks before smirking and teases you replying, "maybe later, first lets get home."
you aren't refusing to leave with him, it's not even because you're worried it's your only option, it's that you want to leave with him. you know how wrong that is, on multiple levels, but somehow you want to trust him and put your faith in him. you want to think he sees you differently than before or differently to others. you see him differently too, not just during sex but afterwards too, all those words exchanged and chaste touches, you want more. it's wrong... but that doesn't mean you don't go willingly with him.
if you knew what denki did to your friends you wouldn't be compliant. if you knew the extent of what he's done you'd prefer to die and be with your friends but denki will make sure you never find out, he'll never let you out of his sight.
denki licks his lips and you panic worried that even this last minute was a ploy to get you to completely let down your guard but he stares at your bare chest. before you can have a reaction to his stare he shrugs off his jacket and drapes it over your shoulders, fixing the rest of your clothes the best he can, his hands hovering in between your breasts. "don't want anyone looking at what's mine."
he holds onto your hand and walks in front of you in the direction of his house. "i'm kaminari by the way. you can call me denki. you can also stick with 'sir' if you want." he smirks and turns to look at you causing your eyes to widen as he mentions the use of sir. "this entire time i never told you my name sweetheart, i can't believe i didn't tell you or you ask about it."
"that never crossed my mind, i was more concerned about being eaten." you say seriously and denki chuckles.
"understandable sweetheart. i told you mine so it's your turn. what's my pretty girlfriend called?"
#denki kaminari smut#denki kaminari x reader smut#bnha smut#mha smut#denki kaminari x reader#bnha x reader#bnha x chubby reader#chubby reader smut#chubby reader#cw : dark#⥠mine / writing#⥠denki#hybrid au#mha x reader#denki kaminari x chubby reader#denki kaminari x chubby reader smut#plus size reader smut#plus size reader#bnha x reader smut#bnha x you#mha x you#denki kaminari#bnha kaminari
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hi, hi, hi! could I request the brothers + diavolo during a meeting together when their s/o (the mc) starts to doze off and then suddenly faint? Turns out, the MC forgot to drink water that day-
That happened to mr a few days ago, it wasn't fun - so here's a reminder for you to drink some water too :')
Thank you so much for the request!!! I am so so sorry to hear that happened, I hope you're doing better <3 If anything in this post seems insensitive please let me know! Have a wonderful rest of your day/night
Genre: Mostly fluff, Some Hurt/Comfort Ship: Demon Brother+Diavolo x reader (individual) TW: Minimal cussing, mentions of fainting, mass panic, yelling, second person pov for reader (If I missed anything please tell me!!)
When You Faint
You watched as the clock slowly ticked by the minutes as the Demons around you spoke amongst themselves, Your talking had slowly come to a stop as the room started to spin, Some of the men looked at you strangely but nobody expected you to fall out of your chair and onto the council room floor...
Lucifer
He's immediately up out of his chair
Oh lord, heâs now fully in mother mode-
Barking orders at everyone, Yes this includes Dia
As soon as he gets over to you his wings are out, shielding you from everyone else
Once you come to, He isnât letting you out of his sight
And once he finds out you fainted because of dehydration?Â
He would so buy you one of those big ass waterbottlesÂ
One of these mfs
Mammon
Freaking out pt. 1
Definitely hootinâ and hollering
He is indeed making a scene
Wonât really be on you until after you wake up because he knows Lucifer and Diavolo can do more for you then he can
After you have awoken though? He isnât letting you out of his sight
You donât have to worry about remembering to drink water, Heâs there to remind you now!
Humans are such fragile creatures and now that he's seen that firsthand, He will barely let you do anything
He will make sure you are healthy whether you like it or not dammit
Levi
Freaks out pt. 2
Somehow freaking out even more then Mammon
He doesnât know what to do! He leaves his room one time and this is what happens!
Will kind of just stand there in shock as everyone erupts into chaos
He isnât the best example of someone who looks after their body lets be honest
But when yaâll are gaming Youâll start to see some more healthy options popping up in the mix of chips and soda
He will beat himself up over not noticing, Please comfort this man before he decides you resent him
He wonât ever really bring it up but rest assured, It will never happen again
Satan
Would also run to your aid
He has read a lot of medical books in his time, He knows what to do
Would take you to a doctor afterwards, just in case
Kind of beats himself up for being unaware of your condition
I donât think heâd freak out as badly after the incident, He knows it was probably a one time thing
Will bring up in conversation casually if youâve eaten and drank water today, just to be sure
Asmo
Screams
Freaks out pt. 3
Yelling at Lucifer/Satan to do something!
Will be all over you as soon as youâre awake
Donât scare him like that!Â
Will get extra pouty when he learns why you passed out
Has Yaâlls self-care sessions meant nothing to you?!
No more of that, not on his watch
He will offer you water at random times throughout the day
Studying? Water! Watching Tv? Water! Sleeping? Water! no, no, Beauty sleep is important
Beel
Doesnât knows what's happening, Why are you on the floor?
Will stand on the sidelines concerningly as he watches Lucifer take over, He trusts his brother to help you
Will also feel immense guilt he didnât see the signs, He just wants to keep everyone safe đ
When he thinks Yaâll are doing something too straining for a human, Heâll stop to ask if youâre okay/ need a break
Will start carrying around a water bottle specifically for youÂ
Belphie
He totally wasnât sleeping when it happened, nope
Woke up to his brothers and the Prince of the Devildom freaking out around you
I donât think heâd really get too involved with helping since he doesnât actually know wtf just happened
If you donât immediately perk back up, Heâs gonna cuss out Lucifer and maybe try to fight him
Gets a little snappy at everyone (except you ofc) after the incident
He even started to set alarms on your DDD as reminders to drink water
Will tease you just a teeny bit, But you can tell how worried the entire thing actually makes him
Diavolo
Was over to you in record time
Commands everyone to step back from you while he calls Barbatos and a royal doctor
You will be given the best treatment don't worry
He thinks he's being very sneaky about making you drink more water He is so obvious about it, it hurts
You will definitely notice how Barbatos now almost immediately refills your glass as soon as itâs half full
Another one to openly ask if youâve drank enough water that day
#obey me#obey me nightbringer#obey me one master to rule them all#obey me x reader#self ship#ao3#obey me beelzebub#obey me mammon#obey me lucifer#obey me leviathan#obey me satan#obey me asmodeus#oneymebelphie#obey me diavolo#Lucifer x reader#mammon x reader#leviathan x reader#satan x reader#asmodeus x reader#beelzebub x reader#belphie x reader#diavolo x reader#obey me headcanons#obey me fic#fluff#hurt/comfort#Janusâwriting#Janusâasks#obey me post#om x reader
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A Day in Life
Synopsis: A day in your life while working as the Justice League's assistant. Also, they are all yanderes for you and it's Valentine's Day.
Pairing: Yandere!Justice League X Assistant!Gn!Reader
Tw: 18+ just because of a mention of Superman misusing his X-Ray vision and the mention of hooking up, aside from that, this is pretty SFW; Flash and Green Lantern are a little delusional; Hal Jordan is pushy; Batman is probably a little out of character (and Iâm ashamed to keep it that way) bc I can't see him giving anyone flowers as Batman, just as Bruce Wayne; Mentions of them all secretly stalking you; This League members are Batman, Superman, Wonder Woman, Flash (Barry Allen), Green Lantern (Hal Jordan; John Stewart is mentioned), Aquaman and Martian Manhunter; I wrote too little about Martian Manhunter, Aquaman here because I don't know much about them; Wish I had more ideas for Wonder Womanâs interaction here too cause I love her; My crush on Hal is very obvious; Reader doesn't struggle much against them but they're also pretty tame; The physics in flying and running at super speed might be wrong but this is comic book science so it's wrong either way; English is not my first language.
Word count: 1,6k
Requested? No.
General masterlist | A Day in Life - Series masterlist
The zeta tube flashes and the AI voice announces the arrival of Flash. Your heart goes fast.
â Hey, (Y/N)! â In a flash, he's in front of you. â Happy Valentine's Day! â You tear your eyes off of your schedule on your tablet and see him holding a rose towards you.
â Oh, hey, Flash⊠â You reply a little tense. â Thank you⊠You didn't need to. â You hesitantly take the rose from him and whilst your attention is on staring at the flower and holding back a grimace, you miss the glint in his blue eyes. His blush is covered by his mask. His mind seeks for something to say before you decide to break the momentary silence. â You're really sweet, it's great to have a friend like you! â You make sure to exclain, the tone a notch higher, trying to make your point come across. Flashâs face falls.
â Uh- I- Actually- â His speech gets cut off by the zeta announcing Superman. Before you can have a heart attack, the boy scout also zooms in front of you, this time your hair blows back with the wind. He must've come flying.
â (Y/N)âs heart is pounding, what are you doing, Flash? â Superman alternates between looking at your face worriedly, then your chest, then glaring at the speedster by his side.
â What? Nothing! â Flash looks wide-eyed at Superman. Then his mind clicks and he looks at you again. â Wait, what? Your heart is pounding? Is it⊠Is it because of me?! â You see the dazed look on his face coming to the surface again. Oh boy.
You casually make the effort to take a breath you didn't know you were holding and make your heart go down. You hate when Super uses his X-Ray vision on you. You can never be sure when he is doing it, but why else would he analytically stare specifically at your body when he is worried about you? Also, that time when you commented with Sarah from the kitchenâs crew that you forgot to do your laundry and went to the Watchtower without underwear. Seconds later, Superman appeared in the doorway, looking startled and flustered, ears red. Although he pretended to have just arrived at the tower and you and your friend chose to ignore your embarrassment that your boss with superhearing might have chose that exact moment to focus his hearing on only the places around him, including your too intimate conversation, you still caught him red handed sneaking glances specifically at your hips, and he hurriedly exited the room after that. At the time, you had just recently started the job as the Justice Leagueâs assistant. After that you were a lot more aware.
After a while you realized you had a reason to be.
Superman was glaring at the rose in your hand and Flash was daydreaming while looking at your face when the zeta flashed again and you snapped out of it fast enough that by the time you started talking, your mind didn't pay attention to who had just arrived.
â Hm, no. It's just you fast people are always catching me off guard. â Flash deflates and- Is he pouting? Bro. Superman lights up and looks at you again.
â Oh, sorry, (N/N), we always forget about that. â The alien chuckles while rubbing the back of his head.
â Superman. Flash. â You and Flash jump, but Superman, not surprisingly, doesn't react and just follows you three and looks behind the two heros in front of you to the one with the gruff voice that just arrived.
Flash groans and Superman just rolls his eyes, you can see that while trying to peak past the menâs towering frames blocking you. You don't have to guess much though, because they make space for the newcomer and you suppress a tired sigh at seeing Batman making his way to you with a gigantic arrangement of flowers that covers his entire torso, arms and head, only his bat-ears, legs and cape being visible.
â (Y/N). Those are for you. â Color me shocked. Before you can try to start thinking about how you are gonna take this absurdity anywhere, vengeance speaks. â I'm gonna leave it at your desk.
â Hmhmm. Thank you, Batman. â You refused to watch his retreating form and let any member of your yandere harem think you actually have an interest in any of them and look down at your tablet again. The action makes you remember the rose you're still holding and you hurriedly walk away from the two nutcases stuck glaring at the third and go to his side. â Actually, take this with you. â You stick the rose amongst the rest of the flowers and before any of them can say anything else, you get out of the room.
You take a deep breath. Since the Leagueâs weird obsession started seemingly around a year ago, you had a whole crisis over it. The pay was good, and it increased even more when they took this insane liking to you, so it's not like you could just quit like it was nothing. Besides, it's the Justice League, you could run from the fucking planet and they would still find you. It's easier to adapt.
You go on with your routine for a few minutes until you bump into a neon green brick wall. Scratch that, it's just Green Lanternâs chest.
â Hey, cutie, I was looking for you. â Your eyes widen when the space cop suddenly holds you by the shoulders, pushes you against a wall, then lets you go just to keep his two muscular arms on each side of you, trapping you and keeping you close to his frame. Ugh, the Lantern with brown hair has always been the more touchy one. You miss the one with dark skin and common sense.
â Need me for something? â You hold a groan with the limitless possibilities of how he could use that sentence to be crude, but you just wanted to get rid of him. He smirks.
â I was wondering if you were free today and would like to go on a date with me later⊠â He knew you were free. You knew he knew you were free. Every time you have a date (and you never told them) the League seems to get more on edge and suddenly your workload increases. Tsk, you hate them. Unfortunately, you love nice things even more.
You raise an eyebrow.
â I don't even know your name. â You point out, maybe that would make him give up, but he just shrugged.
â I could tell you, trust is a fundamental part in any relationship.
â Is a date a relationship? Also I don't think Batman would like that. â Any of that. He cocks his head to the side and his beautiful hair moves down.
â Cutie, you don't have to worry about Spooky. And I don't want to just hook up with you, you know that. Now just stop playing hard to get and-
A golden light catches your attention, it could be a miracle, but it's just Wonder Woman's lasso wrapping around the lantern's neck and pulling him away from you. Unfortunately, she tied a it in a way that the action wouldn't strangle him or break his neck.
â Ugh, men really have no boundaries. â The amazon rolls her lasso back and takes a step towards you, keeping said man sulking behind her while analyzing you. â Forgive my friend, (Y/N). He grew up in a barn. â The stunning demigoddess smiles at you.
Ugh, if she wasn't just as crazy as the rest of them you would happily swoon over her.
â Right. Well, I have to go. â You turn your back to them and take fast but casual steps away from them and the empty hallway. It never fails to scare the shit out of you and give you goosebumps whenever one of them catches you alone in one of those, and the competition between them for your heart somehow makes you confident enough that if there are at least two of them, no harm will come to you.
You clear your throat. Happy thoughts, happy thoughts. The martian shouldâve arrived by now and you don't doubt he reads your mind 24/7 when heâs close enough.
Youâre about to turn a corridor when you spot Aquaman poking his head in a room, looking for something, it's probably you, only his body is visible and he can't see you.
You hold a groan and run as quietly as possible away from him without him noticing, remembering the time he ranted to you about seahorses being the most romantic fish species, with monogamous mate bonds for lifetime, and all the times he promised to show you Atlantis one day and make you rule his people by his side.
A few minutes later when you look at the clock, you know by that time they're all already in their meeting and not wandering around, desperate for a crumb of your attention. To confirm that, you open the cameraâs feed that not many had access to and idly check their presence in the meeting room. Your stomach churns seeing your figure in one of their monitors, the others displaying normal missions info. Of course they would follow you around through the cameras, because that's just as important as discussing wars and crisis in Earth countries and other planets.
You passively shut the screen when you finally get to your office, in which you avoid staying until you absolutely have to, or the coast is clear enough to, otherwise it's the most obvious place for them to force an interaction with you.
You look up and your shoulders drop in defeat at the sign of too many flowers, gifts and letters from each member of the League.
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The Moon Child Part 2
Part 1
A/n: Wow. I posted the first part to this and you guys like- rushed to it like starving animals holy SHIT... Should I be scared???? anyway- here ya go
Summary: Danny meets the Aqua Family and gets the love he deserves, plus a little comfort.
Tw: hurt/comfort, bad parents, mentioned discrimination, angst, ghost animal cruelty, swears, objectification, fluff
I forgot to mention Danny goes by he/they pronouns, Atlanteans know a lot of animals, and gender is weird sometimes so they aren't assuming anything and that's fair since Danny could shapeshift if he wants
The Moon Child Part 2 - The Moon Loves the Sea
Warm. He felt warm while in his core. And he could feel the soft cushion he was placed on. He heard the stories that Aquaman Arthur would tell him about all of his adventures and the rambles about his family. He was even told the secret about his stepbrother, Orm, who's death was faked and now lived on land.
It was... nice. Safe. He hadn't felt so loved in a long time. Or, at least, he thinks he hasn't. He had lost track of time while in the labs. It was painful to think about. Visibly so. Apparently, when he drifted into those dreadful terrors, his core's soft light would flicker into a dimmer one which resonated with his sobs. Arthur or his wife, who would keep him beside them at all times, would pick him up each time and hold him close to their heart.
"It's alright" They would say. "You're safe now."
Their heartbeat would always calm him down. It pulsed out reassuring feelings with each beat of their hearts. It was soothing and he never felt so safe. Not even when he was alive. To think he needed to die to feel this way.
It took a while for the pain to finally go away, but he soon felt ready to come out of his core. He couldn't recuperate as much as he wanted to. Not to use his full abilities of his ghost powers. No, there wasn't a massive supply of ambient ectoplasm like in Amity. He learned that what he was absorbing the most was the magic, which acted as a saline solution to blood (which he was pretty sure his blood was fully ectoplasm now).
It was interesting how magic tied in with ectoplasm. He wondered if that's why summoning worked best for those in the realms for that reason. Maybe the specific rituals to summon them even tied closely with their ecto-signatures? It's an interesting thought really.
That isn't the point though. What is, is that he was healthy enough to come out of his core.
"Ok, Danny. Deep breath. Here we go-"
-
Arthur was doing his usual thing: struggling to wake up in the morning and only really doing it because he didn't want to worry the literal spirit of a god. And it's not even because they're a god, but because they're a child. Should he have kept them in the same room. He feels like that might've been a better choice than just leaving them in a room next to his.
Arthur shook his head, rubbing his eyes as he swung his legs over the edge only to jump at the cold feeling of the floor.
"All kinds of water magic and they still can't stop the floor from being cold."
He huffed, getting up and picking out some casual wear that didn't have a bunch of jewelry with protection runes. Some normal clothes to hang out with family.
Kaldur came back yesterday, so they're having breakfast together. He hoped that he'd believe the whole moon deity thing. Kaldur was pretty good and believing new things, but this was their main religion they're talking about. Religion is iffy, or at least it was for those on land. The ocean folk are... extremely loyal.
Should he worry about them trying to destroy the new moon...?
He shook his head. No, they probably couldn't get past the layers of the atmosphere. Hopefully.
He walked out of the door, now thinking about how sea creatures would even pull that off before knocking on the door of the room next to his.
"It is uh, me. Again." It never sounds less awkward. Maybe I should try adding the dramatics?
And with a twist and push, he opened the door only to freeze with widening eyes. The stone wasn't there.
"Oh my god- I lost-"
Only to hear a chirp. he flinched, attention darting over to the full body mirror on the other side of the door that pushed into the room. A door he was going to have fixed to avoid heart attacks like these.
He let out a huge sigh of relief, walking over and bending down with a crooked grin.
"Well, good morning. I didn't expect you to appear for a while. But hey! Perfect timing! Kaldur's going to be joining us during breakfast today, so we could introduce you guys! We could meet Orm soon too! I bet he'll be absolutely surprised!"
The child only looked at him with their big wide doe eyes. Hope sparked in them, but anxiety kept their body tense.
"You... You were serious about it? About me meeting your family?"
Arthur placed a hand on their shoulder, he could barely notice the cool temperature of their body before he saw them jump. He was going to pull away his hand, but then the child relaxed a bit more. It was as if they hadn't had affectionate physical contact in a long time.
"Have they ever been anything but a moon? Are all moons like this? What about other planets? Earth... we have so much pollution. If it were alive..., would it only just barely be clinging?"
"Yes, I was and still am. You're a part of it now for as long as we live. And even when we pass, you will continue to have a place in the ocean. You might not have realized this, but the ocean worships you like a god. In fact, I think I'm going to have to talk with the Justice League about offering an apology gift of some sort."
The child blinked, eyes wide and glistening as a layer of moisture sparkled more yet made the eye look foggy. Looking closer, Arthur could see how moonstones came to be when they cried. It would hurt if it was a literal stone the kid cried. Like- like kidney stones! He was thankful that it wasn't like that.
"You... You aren't scared of me being dangerous to them? You don't think I'm evil or non-sentient?"
Arthur blinked. What?
"No... Nobody- Why would anybody think that?"
The child pursed his lips into a thin line, averting his eyes. With each blink, a silvery white liquid would start to drip and condense to the moonstones he found.
"I... don't know how things work around here... But on land... I've... They don't respect the dead or those associated to the concept. I've tried to keep both sides from trying to destroy the other- but... but..."
Arthur took a breath, pulling the spirit into his arms into a tight embrace. They clung to their veil that was wrapped around their arms like a shawl.
It seems that he had some lore to read up upon and some things to investigate.
-
(This bit's about Danny's POV. It'll be continuing with his while he meets everyone)
Danny didn't know what to think when he looked at himself in the mirror earlier. He didn't have a shirt, but the scarf thing was comfy. He could make it into some kind of make-shift shirt if he wanted to too. His memory on how to do it was... foggy and fractured. Some parts of speech were muffled and what he saw from that time would blur or seemed made up.
He knew the person teaching him.
Why can't he remember them clearly? He could hear whispers of something in his head telling him who that was.
And when he pushed that thought aside, he'd look back at other memories and realize who that was.
Tucker. How could he ever forget about Tucker? Why was he forgetting him?
What made it worse was how much he had to stare at the damn mirror to get the knots right. His chest... it wasn't ever that clean. No Lichtenberg scars. No burns, no cuts, no incision scars. Nothing. It was clean of any of his failures. His struggles. His learning experiences.
And yet... he still imagined them being there. Each time his fingers would brush up against places where he knew scars should've been, a shot of pain would spike as if he'd been electrocuted.
It hurt.
He hated how he remembered.
He hated that he didn't.
He used to remember all of it. He did when he was sobbing for days on end.
Now, it was foggy. Now, it was hidden away. He couldn't reach it.
"Oh my god- I lost-"
He chirped in surprise, turning with widened eyes. Oh. It's just Arthur. I really need to get out of my head.
Arthur walked over, looking slightly drained, as if he was relieved of a sudden weight placed on his shoulders. And by the vibes, Danny's guess seemed right.
Relieved Happy Happy Excited Nervous Happy
He was always so cheery in the... well, what seemed to be the day. Sucks to be out now that he thought about it. It would be rude to just fall asleep at random now that they could physically see if he's awake or not.
Arthur greeted him warmly, cheerily saying how he didn't expect him to come out of his core as if the event was a surprise gift. That... was confusing to say the least. It's easier to have a pet rock than a guest. Now he has to feed him to be polite, or at least offer. He has the room covered since the beginning. It was a really big room. A waste for something someone like him.
He felt his body freeze and start muffling sounds when Arthur started mentioning Kaldur and Orm. His family. Close ones, from the stories he would tell.
M4Dd13 and J4Ck would never allow strangers near him, much less Jazz.
"You... You aren't scared of me being dangerous to them?" He couldn't stop the questions from slipping out even when his expression shifted. "You don't think I'm evil or non-sentient?"
He doesn't even know how he could even think of himself as otherwise. He could remember the custom-made, high voltage tasers that targets his ecto-signature itself until he acted how they expected him to. How they wanted him to.
His eyesight became extremely cloudy. It was similar to the green he'd see before he would start crying after he couldn't cry water anymore.
Ghosts... Ghosts cry ectoplasm. What... What was he crying? What is he now? He was- Why wasn't he gone? He was Ended, wasn't he? They got rid of his heart and crushed his core to determine the durability- there wasn't a way to come back from that.
So why was he alive?
Why can't he-
"-think that?"
Shit- he wasn't paying attention.
Danny couldn't bare to look at the man, guilt eating away at him.
"I... don't know how things work around here..."
He could barely register that it was his voice.
"But on land... I've..."
Why was he still touching his shoulder?
Why isn't he disgusted?
Why isn't he scared?
Why isn't he angry?
"They don't respect the dead or those associated to the concept. I've tried to keep both sides from trying to destroy the other- but... but..."
But they destroyed me instead.
It was all for nothing.
Why didn't he listen to the Ancients?
Why did he just kill people?
They already expected him to do so anyway.
So why didn't he?
He couldn't feel the hug he was pulled into until he stopped crying.
What was he even crying about?
-
Ok so- Maybe Danny should start scheduling his breakdowns. So far, he's had ones at random or ones that goes on for multiple days without any stopping. Or- if he did stop, he really doesn't remember them.
But this is getting embarrassing. He was lucky Kaldur came home late or else they might've either came late or completely missed the breakfast reunion.
Ugh- and don't get him started with anxiety.
His eyes must be puffy or something. Great first impression, Danny! All ya gotta do now is cry again in front of everyone to make it one of the worst introductions in life.
Well, it wasn't really a good start even without him. Arthur had just dropped him onto a very cushiony chair and exclaimed: "Thank the seas! I'm starving!" And just went to devour a whole plate before calming down a bit with Mera scolding him.
He was just awkwardly watching until a plate was placed in front of him. He slightly tensed, attention going from his plate to the hand pulling away from the plate now that it was down. That's when his eyes made contact with Kaldur's. He seemed a bit startled to, as he blinked owlishly before smiling politely.
"Hello, I'm Kaldur'Ahm. You may call me Kaldur."
"U-um.. I'm..." What should he be called now? Phantom didn't feel as right anymore. Ah, what the heck. It's not like they know little ol' Danny Fenton. "I'm Danny." For some reason, that name didn't feel too right either.
"It's a pleasure to meet you. I've heard that you've been in a stone, so I was surprised to see you carried in by fa- Arthur."
Curious Happy Happy Nervous
Danny relaxed a bit, turning to his plate once eye contact became too difficult. He picked at his food
"I didn't have much strength when I first formed. I wasn't meant to even have a body but I... didn't want to be discovered and have my core cut up and carved into for some jewelry or something, so I forced myself. you could say it's like... an energy conservation form."
Danny started to actually eat his food, though a bit quicker than he usually would. Stress eating, how lovely.
"Is it a lot of work to stay as you are now? You don't have to stay like this if you're too drained." Kaldur started to fret for him, looking for any sign of strain.
Danny, feeling the worry from him, smiled. It's been a while since someone was worried for him.
"I recovered enough energy that I have a bit extra. I can't do a lot of the things I could before, but I don't feel any pain anymore. So, I'll be fine."
Kaldur relaxed a bit, though still held a slight frown.
"Tell me if you ever feel anything. I'm more than able to hold onto your core and protect you."
Danny hummed, continuing to eat. That's about the time Kaldur remembered that it was breakfast time and started- no, continued to eat from his plate. He must've served himself when Arthur started to or even before that.
"Hey hey hey! Now that the kid's awake, why don't we take a family trip toooooooooo" He dragged out the word as Mera glared at him. "-my brother's grave! I bet he'd love to meet you! And on the way, we can go to the burger place and shop for some clothes, meet my dad-"
Danny looked over at Kaldur, who shook his head fondly at his obvious father-figure. Really, that slip up wasn't getting past him, no way, not possible.
"Don't mind him." Mera sighed. "He's an idiot."
"Hey!"
"Danny, you could always say no. We could go a different day." Kaldur mentioned.
"Danny?" Arthur questioned. Mera rolled her eyes.
"Pay attention, will you?"
"No, it's fine." Danny shook his head with a nervous smile. "I'd like to see him too."
"GREAT!" Arthur exclaimed, making Danny jump and Kaldur wince at the volume. "Hurry and finish your meals! I'll call over the pups!" and then he ran off.
"Pups?" Danny asked.
"Sharks." Mera clarified with a fond sigh. "Ever since he heard someone call them sea puppies, he's been calling them pups and puppies ever since."
"That's... really cute actually." Danny snickered.
"He sneaks away to play with them all the time." Kaldur groaned, remembering the number of meetings he had to take over for the man.
Danny reached over and patted Kaldur's forearm.
"You poor child."
"At least you understand."
-
Kaldur... well, Danny didn't really know how to put it. He was really nice and all, but he was a bit...
"These earrings would look great on you." Kaldur hummed as he held up dangling pearls to his ears.
Kaldur's already bought 3 bags of stuff for him in the last 20 minutes since coming to Reef Town (completely made-up place, just go with it). He even had to adjust his ghost clothes so he could wear the pants and shirt, and other stuff that were bought for him. He still kept the veil since it was really soft and soothed him when he rubbed it between his fingers.
"Ah, but this goes with your clothing... Perhaps we should order one to be made in Atlantis?" Kaldur trailed off, mumbling about different shops and what materials they had along with design names Danny had no clue about. He was almost sure that some of those words were made-up with how they sounded.
"Oookaaayyy- how about we think this over later?" Arthur insisted, a hand on Kaldur's shoulder and the other taking away the earrings in his hands. "We have someone to meet in... about 5 minutes."
"Right, sorry! I got distracted-"
"You're fine, you little urchin." Arthur chuckled, pushing Kaldur towards the door. "Now let's go meet Orm!"
Danny felt a hand on his head. It was a gentle, motherly touch. It nearly made his core let out a purr. Only Jazz could do that with touch alone. Though he nearly started to do the same when they'd mark where they'd cut next. They didn't do that as often with how much they liked to see his organs and bones regenerate.
"Tell Kaldur if it's too much. He's just really excited to have you around and is used to having to give something to keep sea creature friends around."
Ah, he knew that voice.
"Ex..cited? Why?" Danny looked up at Mera, leaning into her touch.
Mera smiled down sweetly at him; her eyes were filled with love that would be pointed to her own child.
She didn't have that drunken lust M4Dd13 had in her eyes each time she came back.
It made his core flutter.
"He sees you as a younger sibling. He's wanted one for a little while now. I... I can't get myself to try again, so he didn't expect to have a sibling. He was really excited to meet you after he heard that you agreed to stay with Arthur. You didn't reject my touch either. I hope it was fine that I held your... core, was it?"
Danny felt her finger card through his hair. He melted at the soothing touch.
"Yeah. It's... it's everything to a ghost. Heart and soul. And... I heard about you from Arthur while I was in my core. And you were the reason Arthur knew to comfort me. So, I knew I could trust you."
Mera smiled a bit more brightly and knelt down, hands holding his face with all the love in the world before she placed a kiss on his forehead.
"I'm glad. Now, let's go catch up with the boys. I'm sure Kaldur and Arthur must be panicking."
Danny could barely follow after her, having to make himself float as she grabbed his hand to lead him outside. Everything was too fuzzy and happy; it was hard to focus.
-
"Did you kidnap a child spirit?!"
That was the first thing Orm said when he saw Danny, immediately looking at Arthur incredulously as he slammed the table with his hands.
He immediately walked over and knelt down in front of Danny.
"I am so sorry about him-"
"Hey! I didn't-"
"-he's an idiot and really doesn't know any better."
"I didn't kidnap him!"
Orm arched a brow at his brother before looking over at Mera.
"No contracts were made."
Orm looked back at Danny.
"You went with him willingly?"
Danny snickered. "He looked like an idiot."
"You too?!"
"You really can't blame him." Kaldur agreed, smiling over at Danny.
Danny giggled and looked back at Orm.
"I'm Danny."
"Orm, that idiot's older brother. Stepbrother. Now, why did a saintly spirit decide to tag along with this family?"
Mera walked over, placing a hand on Danny's head again. He leaned into it, barely able to keep in a purr.
"You remember the incident with the moon?" Orm nodded. "Well, they're the spirit of the moon."
Orm's eyes widened, head snapping right back to Danny.
"You- you're-"
Danny blinked. He's a what? Wait, not the time to dissociate-
"Is... Is that bad?" Danny hesitantly asked.
"No! Not at all- I just- I've always believed in you, it's just that- Seeing an idol is a bit of an experience-"
"An idol?" Danny questioned, looking up at Orm. He was still kneeling, doesn't that hurt?
"Well, I've heard stories about how you'd battle against the sun gods and sent blessed rain to heal those under incurable plagues. That you split your own soul to assist physically on this world to help those that roamed on it! I've traveled to different places on the land just to see your descendants. And what beautiful white features they have. Did you know that humans call them albinos?"
"Really?"
"Yes! They deserve a better name that fits the position of blessed descendants! The fools!"
"I-it's fine, really! I'm glad they're doing ok and- and that my blessing still lives on."
Orm sighed and stood up.
"You're much too kind. Even after they replaced you, you don't hold it against anyone."
Oddly enough, he felt his chest tighten. It was as if...
"Someone has to do my job in controlling the currents, right?" Danny smiled sadly.
The others seemed to feel sympathy for the spirit, Kaldur going over and pulling him into a hug.
"It's alright. The ocean will stand by your side. Forever. They still worship you even now. So don't think you were only a tool, ok?"
Danny nodded. "Ok.."
He fought back against the tears.
-----
A/n: well, that was a bit longer than the last one. I was planning to write more for this chapter, but I'll just add it to the next one. Sorry if it seems a bit stiff, it'll be better eventually... hopefully.
Anyway, hope you enjoyed.
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on second thought | jww
(where your roommate, wonwoo, has an interesting solution to all your bad dates. nothing can go wrong with two friends crossing a line, can it?)
pairing: wonwoo x f.reader genre: roommates/friends to fwb to?? | smut, tiny bit of angst if you squint rating: explicit, 18+ minors dni word count: 6.5k warnings: there's some plot here but it's mostly smut, multiple sex scenes (some quickly referenced), roommates who enter a fwb agreement, kissing, fingering, oral (f. receiving), protected sex, multiple orgasms, use of actual lube, some scratching, after care, mentions: masturbation, kitchen sex, teasing, overstimulation, edging, i think that's it.
authors note: happy birthday to my bby @wongyuseokie! i'm thankful to have met you through nets. i hope you like some wonwoo to celebrate. thank you to @wonwussy for helping me with a title, you're a savior. this is unedited because i only started it yesterday so sorry in advance. also tagging: @aaniag @gyuminusone
Another disappointing date. Another man who couldnât even seem to let you finish a sentence. Was so intent on proving how well he could provide for you that he forgot to treat you like a person. So intent on establishing his dominance that he tried to order for you at the overpriced restaurant with too-small portions. So irritated that he paid for your dinner and drinks only for you to leave separately from him and refuse his offer to drive you home. There was no way you were letting that man know where you lived. Is it really asking too much just to have a decent date? You arenât going to let anyone try to tell you that your standards are too high. Youâre really just asking for the bare minimum.Â
Thatâs why youâre sitting on the counter in the kitchen of your shared apartment, spilling your guts to your sympathetic roommate. His hair is messy, sticking up at odd angles in some places because heâs been playing video games for hours. Probably streaming at some point. You admire that heâs able to do something he loves to fill up most of his days. He pushes his glasses up the bridge of his nose and you try not to find it so endearing. But, you fail at that. He really is impossibly cute sometimes.
âDo you want a bite of this?â you ask instead, holding out the instant ramen you made as soon as you got home.Â
âNo, I ate earlier,â he answers.Â
âAn actual meal or a Wonwoo meal?â you challenge and he rolls his eyes.
âI ate real food. Go back to bitching about your date,â Wonwoo says.Â
âI donât know, maybe I was being too harsh,â you say.Â
âHe sounds like a fucking nightmare,â he disagrees.Â
âUgh, maybe I just need to redownload one of those apps,â you whine. Wonwoo raises an eyebrow at you. âDonât look at me like that. I hate fucking on the first date, but Iâm so pent up that I need to release it somehow. Iâm going insane.âÂ
This makes him laugh, at least. It releases a little bit of the tension, too. Youâve lived with Wonwoo nearly three years and were friends for years before that. Nothing is secret between the two of you. Not anymore. The first time you realized he caught you getting off in your room because you didnât think he was home was mortifying. Even if he didnât seem to think it was a big deal. After you got over it, things settled. And in the time since, youâve both heard the other doing a lot of things. Some of your friends think itâs weird, but you just chalk it up to the comfort of living with someone. After all, you would tell your female friends all about your sex life. Why was that weird to share with Wonwoo?Â
âToys not doing it for you?â he throws out. You only fix him with a glare. Itâs more proof that youâre entirely too comfortable.
âOur walls are thin, what do you think?â you answer.Â
Wonwoo snorts a little before seeming to consider something. âWhy donât we just fuck? Get it out of your system.âÂ
The sip of water youâre taking when he suggests that comes bursting out of your mouth. A real life spit take. Thankfully, heâs out of the blast zone. He looks unamused at water coming out of your mouth, but he doesnât look like he was kidding. It can be so hard to tell with him. You think that you know his face well after all these years. But, you never thought youâd hear that coming out of his mouth, so youâre not sure.Â
âPlease give me some indication if that was a joke or not,â you say.
âIt wasnât a joke,â he says.
âPretty clear indicator,â you mumble.Â
âIs it that crazy? You think Iâm hotâŠâ Wonwoo starts. If you were still drinking, youâd spit out your water again.
âUh, what?â you ask.
âYou think Iâm hot. Hao told me,â he says as if itâs no big deal. Youâre mentally running through what the appropriate payback is for this breach of trust. âItâs fine. He told me because I was saying I also think youâre hot.âÂ
âI mean, thanks,â you laugh, still considering how youâre going to torture Minghao. âBut, we canât have sex.âÂ
âWhy not?â Wonwoo presses.Â
âBecause weâre roommates?â you ask like itâs obvious.Â
âSo I can hear you fuck yourself with a toy or hear you fake an orgasm with another bad date, but us fucking each other is the line?â Wonwoo asks.Â
âI donât fake that many orgasms,â you scoff to buy time.
âYes, you do,â he argues. âI can hear the difference. And Iâm pretty sure you wouldnât be faking it with me.âÂ
Thereâs a little bit of cockiness in the statement that shouldnât be doing anything for you. But, it is. Thereâs also the very real possibility that Wonwoo does know the difference in the sounds you make. Itâs not like youâve bothered being that quiet since the first conversation where he heard you. Whatâs the point? The walls are pretty thin and youâre both adults. Itâs not like youâre going to kick him out every time you bring a date home. And youâre definitely not going to only get off in the shower because it drives up the water bill.Â
Beyond any of it, thereâs also a little curiosity. Wonwoo is insanely attractive. Someone would have to be blind to miss that. Heâs got that whole nerdy thing going on for him on initial inspection with the glasses and gaming. Or thereâs the fact that heâs content to just hang out around the house, even with company over, wearing his pimple patches. But then, thereâs this whole other side to him. It comes out when youâre both out with friends and he leaves the glasses behind. Swapping out graphic tees or hoodies for form fitting clothing and leather jackets. Casually leaning against a bar and whispering honey into some nameless, faceless strangerâs ear.Â
And that leads you to the reason youâre actually curious. Sure, heâs heard you having sex with people youâve been dating or just someone you brought home for the night. But, youâve heard him too. If any of your orgasms sound faked, the ones he coaxes from the pretty girls in his bed sound anything but. Thereâs nearly always an incoherent string of praises. That thought alone has you considering his proposition. It has you shifting a little on the counter.
âLetâs pretend for a second that Iâm considering this,â you start and he smiles.Â
âPretend, sure,â he echoes.Â
âWeâd need ground rules, right? Like we donât want this to get awkward,â you say.
âItâs not gonna be awkward. But, we can set whatever makes you feel comfortable,â he says nonchalantly.Â
A very strong, very hard to ignore voice in the back of your head argues against setting rules at all. Actually urges you to just drag him into your bedroom. Or his bedroom? Maybe you do need some ground rules.Â
So, you talk. You donât say that itâs only going to happen once because you never know what needs might pop up. The most important thing that you agree to is that nothing can change between the two of you. If either of you feels like itâs going to, then you have to talk about it because preserving the friendship is most important. It doesnât matter what bed you have sex in as long as the other helps clean anything up. Youâre not planning on this being a regular thing, so you donât need to negotiate any kinks or anything like that. If it does become more of a thing, then you can revisit the kinks. There wonât be any weirdness about dating or talking to other people. This is just a solution between two friends that are both going through dating dry spells.Â
Once the rules are set out, Wonwoo brings you into his room. Even though youâve been in here more times than you could ever count, it feels different now. He tells you to make yourself comfortable on his bed. When he turns around to take his shirt off and toss it aside, your eyes map out his back. And, yeah, youâve seen Wonwoo shirtless before, but never given yourself permission to so openly appreciate his body. His shoulders are impossibly wide and heâs in deceptively good shape for someone that hides under baggier clothes.Â
âShould I take a picture for you?â he asks. Itâs only then that you realize that heâs facing you.Â
âFunny,â you say with an eye roll.Â
Wonwoo crosses the space to his bed and settles next to you. The way he reaches out to pull your face into his own is so smooth. His lips are on yours before your brain has a chance to catch up. You gasp a little and pull back.
âWhat are you doing?â you ask.
âUh, didnât we just go over this?â he asks.
âNo, I mean, weâre kissing?â you ask.
âWhat am I supposed to do, sweetheart, just get right down to fucking you without foreplay?â he asks.
You feel a little stupid for asking that because of course you donât want to skip the foreplay. Itâs just that you donât want to force it, either.Â
âJust let me take care of you,â Wonwoo says to keep you from overthinking anything.Â
Itâs not something that you expected to be doing. Giving up control to Wonwoo. But, itâs surprisingly easy when he starts kissing you again. Any thoughts that this might be weird fly right out of your head as soon as he deepens the kiss. Instead, your focus is on what a good kisser he is. The way his lips mold effortlessly to yours. The way his tongue licks into your mouth. The way his hands roam your body as if theyâre trying to memorize every curve.Â
Youâre breathless by the time Wonwoo pulls back from you to pull your shirt over your head. When you changed after the date from hell, you hadnât considered putting anything nice on. Hadnât bothered to keep your bra on. What was the point when you were just going to be going to bed after having something to eat? Now, youâre wondering about that decision. Because your very hot roommate is drinking in the sight of you. Itâs making you a little self-conscious, the way his eyes move over your body.
âFuck, youâre beautiful,â he utters.Â
Itâs a little too intimate for you to respond to. It doesnât seem to matter, anyway. Wonwoo starts kissing down your neck and working his way to your breasts. He spreads his kisses between them, rolling your nipple between his fingers when his mouth is on your other breast. Thereâs something so consuming about the way he kisses your body, like heâs worshiping you. Like this is a lot more than roommates helping each other out.Â
He works his way further down your body, kissing along your stomach, stopping at the waist band to your shorts. Thankfully, he doesnât give you the chance to overthink here either before he pulls the shorts and underwear down your legs. Tosses them off to the side for good measure. Youâre totally naked in front of someone you find you do actually trust. And someone that, yeah, maybe youâve thought about fucking before. There was no reality where you thought it would happen, though. Even if it does make a lot of sense. Every part of you truly does feel safe with him. He knows you better than most people in your life. Which clearly translates to this part of you.Â
Since youâre so comfortable, youâre finding it easier to not be embarrassed at the way heâs got you squirming under the barest touch. The way he ghosts his breath across your center makes you let out a whine. Itâs unfair, the way that he wants to take his time like this. Itâs also unfair that heâs the first person to ever make your mind go this blank during sex. Nothing exists to you outside of this moment and this man.
Wonwoo moves back to where you need him the most, blows gently against your center. The sensation sends a shiver down your body. You barely hear him mumble out a âso prettyâ before he flattens his tongue and licks a stripe up your core. Thereâs just enough time to think this slow pace might actually be the death of you before he goes back in. Using his fingers to spread you apart, he starts tonguing your pussy. A mix of slow and deliberate movements with faster ones. His thumb circles your clit before his mouth moves up there to give it the attention it needs.Â
With his mouth on your clit, he presses one finger into your pussy. Youâve never really thought much about his hands and now youâre wondering how you missed them. His long finger pumps in and out of you quickly. It seems that heâs reading your body and can tell that you donât want something too slow. Thereâs so much pent up in you.
âFuck, please, Wonwoo. I need another finger,â you whine.Â
âAnything you want,â he mumbles into your pussy.Â
He slides another finger inside of you and it makes you clench around him. That only seems to make him move faster. His mouth continues to work along with his fingers and your hands grip whatever they can reach. Youâre a babbling mess and you suddenly understand what you overheard from Wonwooâs room. Thereâs something so hot about knowing heâs this good with his mouth and his hands. Itâs got you coming hard on his face. Harder than you can remember coming before.Â
âThatâs my girl,â he praises as soon as youâre coming down from your high. Your hazy brain doesnât latch onto it the way it clearly should.
He presses a gentle kiss to your inner thing and then pulls himself up to lie next to you. His fingers trace patterns into your skin while heâs waiting for your breathing to come back to normal.Â
âJesus, I guess I know why I always heard so much praise through the wall,â you mutter.Â
âNone as pretty as the sounds you just made,â he says quietly. Itâs so gentle, so intimate. Thereâs a lot of love between you and one of your closest friends, so you donât dwell too much on it.
You turn your head to face him. His eyes are still dark with desire, fingers still keeping contact with your body. Thereâs like some kind of bubble around the two of you where nothing else exists. Itâs a comfortable feeling, even in the quiet. Something pulls you in closer to him and you can feel his erection brush against your leg.
âOh,â you say quietly. âYou know, Iâm still a bit pent upâŠâ
âAre you sure?â he asks.Â
âWhat? Iâm gonna come on your face but we canât actually fuck like we meant to?â you joke, a little braver than you feel.Â
âThis was about you, not about me,â he says simply.Â
âIt can be about both of us,â you say, hand running down his stomach. He tenses a bit under your touch and itâs unfair. Heâs got perfect abs and you kind of hate it. Kind of hate that itâs so hot to you, too.Â
You run your hand over the outline of his dick threw his shorts, enjoy the sharp intake of breath at the contact. It feels like a sign for you to keep going. But, he grabs your hand and pins it above your head. Kisses you hard and desperate. All of his restraint from before seems to be gone now.Â
âDonât play with me, sweetheart,â he warns.Â
âThen show me how good you can fuck me. You were so sure earlier,â you press back.Â
Wonwoo rolls over and pulls his shorts and boxers off. Casts them off to the side with your clothing. He reaches into his nightstand and pulls a condom out. He rolls back over to position himself between your legs.Â
âOne final time, are you sure?â he asks. Itâs the first time since you came into his room that youâve seen him look unsure.
âAs long as youâre sure too, yes. I need this Nu, please,â you say, a little breathy with desire.Â
âI love it when you call me that,â he admits.Â
With your go ahead, he slides his tip along your entrance. You know youâre still wet from his hard work, but he still reaches into the dresser again. He pulls out some lube and runs it along his cock. Once heâs done that, he puts the cap back on and tosses it aside. He presses his tip against you again and this time slides in, slowly. Gives you a chance to adjust.Â
Youâre completely at Wonwooâs mercy like this, with his arms on either side of you like heâs caging you in. Instead of wanting to get out, you can only think that you wouldnât want to be anywhere else. Your hands find their way to his arms, gripping him tightly as he bottoms out in you.Â
âFuck, you feel so good,â he hisses.Â
âNu, fuck, please move,â you beg.Â
âGive me a second, sweetheart, Iâm trying to adjust so it doesnât end too fast,â he says, voice so impossibly deep.Â
âPlease,â you beg again.Â
âFuck,â he whispers.Â
It finally does get him to move though, barely pulling out at all and fucking slowly into you, so deep. Heâs filling you up in the most perfect way. Your nails dig into his arms, but you canât help it. He doesnât seem to mind. If anything, it spurs him on. Makes him pull nearly all the way out of you before snapping hard into you again. He repositions one of your legs so that he can reach a different angle. With each hard thrust, his dick hits exactly where you need him to be. The rhythm is fast, which is really everything you need for how stressed youâve been feeling. Each thrust uncoils more of the tension in your body. Each moan seems to spur him on more.Â
When he leans down to kiss you, itâs messy. A clash of tongues and lips and teeth and need, so much need. Your hands find purchase anywhere on his body they can, even as his own arms seem to be a little shaky. So, you pull him down on top of you, bodies pressed tight as he continues fucking you. Youâre still so sensitive from the first orgasm that youâre building up entirely too quickly. Even though you wanted it fast like this, youâre a little sorry to think it might be almost over.Â
Wonwoo must feel that youâre close by the way youâre clenching around him and begging for him to give you everything. He pushes himself up a little, just creates the tiniest amount of space between your bodies, and you miss it a little. Miss the feeling of skin on skin. But, heâs only doing it so that he can circle your clit. He just wants to take care of all that tension. You give control over to him completely. Let him set the pace. An embarrassingly short time later, youâre coming for the second time. He removes his hand but still fucks you through the high.Â
When your body stops shaking, you realize that heâs stilled inside you. Heâs barely even moving as he looks down at you.
âItâs okay, Nu, Iâm not that sensitive yet,â you assure him
âThank fuck,â he whispers.Â
His pace is fast and you reach up to run your nails down his back. That seems to get him like nothing else does. When you do it a second time, he hisses out and you know he likes it. Each time your nails find a new part of his skin, his thrusts stutter. You clench your pussy around his cock and thatâs all he can handle. Heâs coming undone.Â
You return the favor through his high, lightly keeping the rhythm going and helping him settle his weight on top of you. His breathing is still heavy when he meets your eyes and gives you the gentlest kiss. Slowly, he slides out of you and rolls over. The next second, heâs up to dispose of the condom. He disappears into the bathroom and returns with a wet washcloth a few moments later, sitting on the edge of the bed to help you.
âWell, I guess I learned one thing,â you say when he gets up to take the washcloth back to the bathroom.
âWhatâs that?â he calls over his shoulder.
âAll that confidence was definitely warranted,â you say through a light laugh.Â
You can just feel him rolling his eyes. âAnd here I thought youâd have less to say after a good fuck.âÂ
âNope, chatty as ever. No more tension, though,â you say.Â
âIâm glad,â he says, but it looks like he actually means it.
You move to get out of the bed and look at the sheets. Probably in need of a change. âHey, do you wanna throw these in the hamper and just sleep in my bed tonight?âÂ
âAre you sure that doesnât break any rules?â he asks.
âNo, weâve done itâŠare you teasing me?â Your question morphs in the middle when you catch sight of his face. He can be such a shit for someone who acts like heâs chill all the time.Â
âI would never tease you,â he says, faux seriousness lacing his voice.
âThatâs a shame, I like being teased,â you toss back.
âIâll remember that for next time,â he shrugs.
âNext time?â you wonder.
âJust go get in your bed, Iâll be there in a minute,â he says.Â
It wasnât like you agreed for sex with Wonwoo to be a one time thing. That felt like putting too many rules in place. Still, youâre not expecting it to happen again quite so quickly. You also genuinely didnât realize he was home when you pulled out your vibrator. But, he was home and he barged into your room without knocking, pulled you to the edge of your bed, and fucked you hard. Made you wonder why youâd ever even consider using your vibe in the first place.Â
The next time comes after another failed date. It kind of seemed like that was the recipe. Something goes wrong or youâre pent up and heâs there to let you use him. Although, heâs really using you just as much. You like to let him be a little rough with you. Thereâs something satisfying in the way he doesnât treat you like heâs going to break you. Itâs unquestionably the best sex youâve ever had, but thatâs your business. You donât need to share that with the class. You do figure that it might be time to talk about some kinks and boundaries, though. It would be good to be on the same page.Â
That seems to be how it goes for a while, at least. Itâs mostly you needing something, Wonwoo being able to sense that, and helping you out. It doesnât seem to ever start from him being the one to need something. He doesnât even seem to be going out and bringing people home so much anymore. Not that youâre keeping track, you just canât remember the last time he did. Or maybe heâs trying to only bring someone home when youâre not around.Â
He definitely holds true to his promise to tease you. One night, after a really long week at work with a lot of little things going wrong, he asks if he can take his time with you. In hindsight, you should have known it meant that it was going to mean teasing. But, you agreed anyway, and let him set the pace. Instead of hard and fast, he takes everything slow. He brings you right to the edge over and over again without letting you have your release. Itâs insane how well he seems to read your signs. It seems like he can tell youâre close before you can. That night, it feels like it goes on for hours before he finally lets you come. Itâs the biggest mess youâve ever made. A fact that you would be embarrassed about if Wonwoo hadnât looked so proud. Still, it feels like youâre the one always working something out.
Until it doesnât.
One night, you come back from a night out with friends and are rummaging through the cabinets looking for a snack. This is the thing you hate about living with Wonwoo. Heâs taller than you and doesnât think twice about using the higher cabinets. You, on the other hand, canât reach them so easily. Youâre on your tiptoes trying to reach something when you feel him press into your back. His hand comes up and grabs the box you were reaching for with ease. You press further back into him when your heels hit the floor again.
âFuck, youâre driving me crazy,â he mumbles into your hair. His hands find a place on your hips, holding you against him. This feels different from how every other time has started.Â
âWhat do you mean?â you ask quietly into the silence of the apartment.Â
He lets one hand slide down, quickly meeting the bare skin of your thigh. You know your skirt is a little shorter than normal, but the night seemed to call for it. âThis. Did you go out hoping to bring someone home?âÂ
âMaybe,â you say, shivering a little at the way his breath tickles your ear.Â
âAre you trying to tease me?â he asks. It comes across almost like a demand.Â
You wiggle your ass against him a little before you answer. âI would never.âÂ
âOf course not,â he says.Â
Everything that happens after that feels different. Itâs never started like this. Itâs been passionate, but itâs never been driven by so much raw desire. Itâs never been the kind of sex where Wonwoo pushes your skirt up around your hips and pulls your underwear down to your ankles. Never been the kind of sex where he buries his face in your pussy while you grip the counter for support. Never been so desperate and needy and rushed.Â
He makes you come twice on his tongue with your knees going so weak that you can barely stand before he even moves onto actually fucking you. Youâre so weak by the time you finish that he has to help you to the bathroom to clean up before he tucks you into your bed. Youâre so tired that you donât even realize how intimate it is when you ask him to get into bed with you.Â
The disappointment that sets in when you wake up to get some water in the early hours of the morning hits you hard. Entirely too hard for something thatâs supposed to be free of feelings. Your bed feels a little empty without him taking up space. Which is really stupid because itâs not like thatâs been something youâve been doing all of the time. Itâs not something youâre used to. But, thereâs an unexpected comfort in him. Something that catches you completely off guard. As you drift back off to sleep, you resolve to deal with your feelings in the morning.Â
Thatâs how you find yourself sitting on Minghaoâs couch as he makes you both a cup of tea. He hasnât asked about your roommate yet, but you know that itâs coming. He just wants to have everything he thinks youâll need first. A few minutes later, he sets two cups of tea down next to the plate of snacks he threw together. If you werenât in such a crisis, youâd have time to be envious over how pretty the presentation looked.Â
âSo things with Wonwoo have gotten awkward?â he asks without preamble.Â
âJesus, Hao, let me take a sip first, at least,â you groan.Â
âI donât want to say that I told you this was a bad ideaâŠâ he starts.
âYou were the one who spilled the beans that I thought he was hot. This is your fault too,â you point out.Â
âI told him that he wasnât alone in thinking his roommate was hot. I didnât tell you both to start fucking without realizing it was bound to blow up,â he says.Â
âI know,â you sigh.Â
âSo, whatâs going on?â he asks.Â
Minghao is a lot of things. He can be a bit of an art snob. Heâs that kind of impeccably dressed where he looks like he just stepped off a runway. He can appear a bit detached. But, heâs also one of the most thoughtful people you know. Heâs complex and he cares for his friends more than he cares for himself most times. Both you and Wonwoo are among those he counts as his closest friends. So, he just listens as you lay out everything thatâs happened since the first time you had sex. He doesnât judge or interrupt. Patiently, he just waits as you get it all off your chest, including how you felt after last night.Â
None of that really comes as a surprise. You know that heâs going to give you shit and be there for you at the same time. What does come as a surprise is what he says when youâre done laying out your issues.
âI havenât wanted to set you up because I wasnât sure you were in the right place for it, but I actually have a friend that I think you might hit it off with,â he says. âHeâd definitely get you out of this whole Wonwoo funk youâre in so things can go back to normal.âÂ
âYou wanna set me up?â you ask, surprised.Â
âYeah, I think itâd be good for you,â he says.Â
âOkay, tell me about him,â you agree.
âHeâs really kind. Kind of talks in a permanent pout, but itâs endearing somehow. Heâs a giant softie at heart and heâs so incredibly loyal. Heâs been talking about how heâs looking for something a little more serious. I think youâd like him,â Minghao says.Â
âWhatâs his name, Hao?â you ask skeptically.
âMingyu,â he answers and your eyes go wide.
âMingyu? As in that hot model youâre friends with?â you ask.
âYeah,â Minghao says evenly.
âOkay, you can see if heâs interested,â you agree.
Itâs been a couple days since Minghao threw out the suggestion of setting you up with Mingyu. The two of you have exchanged a few messages and he does actually seem really nice. Heâs also funnier than you expected him to be. When he asks if you want to get dinner the upcoming weekend, you find youâre a little bit excited.Â
Thereâs only one issue. You feel like you need to tell Wonwoo. You know that heâs not going to care, but it still feels weird when youâve been fucking around. Maybe Minghao was right and the whole thing was a terrible idea after all. Itâs hard for you to tell him when you seem to keep missing each other, though. Lately, heâs been playing video games over at Vernonâs place more than normal. Even if theyâre streaming, something feels weird.Â
âHey,â he calls out from the front door, snapping you from your thoughts.Â
âOh hey,â you answer, looking up at him. He doesnât meet your eyes as he moves to head back to his room. âEverything okay?âÂ
He stops to look at you when you ask that question and his eyes still look a bit distant. âYeah, fine. Why?âÂ
âI donât know, youâre being short with me,â you say.Â
He just shrugs. âI donât have anything to say.âÂ
âOkay,â you say, drawing out the first syllable. âWell, I just wanted to tell you that Minghao set me up with his friend Mingyu and I was thinking Iâd go out with him.âÂ
âYou donât have to tell me about your dates,â he says evenly.
âI just thoughtâŠâ you start.
âWe agreed,â he interjects. âEnjoy your date whenever you go.â
âThanks,â you say quietly to his retreating figure.Â
The whole point of agreeing to go out with Mingyu was to get things back to normal with Wonwoo. It was clear that you had gotten in over your head. Now, youâre wondering if things are going to be able to go back to normal at all. This isnât your normal dynamic. You always shared stories about dates, hook-ups, anything and everything under the sun. Your other friends always said it was weird for the two of you and you just ignored them. Now, you feel like youâre in it alone. Maybe theyâre right and it is weird.
Since itâs a little on the later side anyway, you decide to grab something from the kitchen and just head into your room. You can go to bed early and forget that whole conversation even happened. Thatâs probably for the best. Itâll be easier to get back to normal once youâre going on dates again. Once you stop fucking your roommate like you could have ever done that without forming some kind of feelings.Â
Itâs the middle of the night when you feel someone slide into bed around you. A familiar scent slips into your consciousness as an arm slides around your center. You nestle back into the chest and know for sure that itâs your roommate. The same man youâre trying hard to get over.
âWhat are you doing, Wonwoo?â you mumble in sleepiness.Â
âDonât go on the date with Mingyu,â he says. He sounds completely awake.Â
âWhat?â you ask. Your brain is still foggy from sleep.Â
âDonât go out with anyone else,â he says.Â
That makes you open your eyes as the words bounce around in your brain. You turn over to your other side so that youâre facing him. His hair is messy and all heâs wearing is a plain white t-shirt, but your heart still constricts a bit at the sight of him.Â
âWhat do you want, Wonwoo?â you ask, voice thick with mental exhaustion.
âExactly what I told you. I want you to turn Mingyu down,â he says.
âWhy should I?â you challenge.Â
âBecause, well, weâve got thisâŠâ he starts and fumbles over his words.
âWe havenât got anything. Youâve been avoiding me for days,â you point out. âHell, I asked you to stay in bed with me after you fucked me in the kitchen and you couldnât even make it til morning.âÂ
âI know, but I was scared that night because I realized I was starting to feel something,â he says. âAnd then Hao texted me to tell me heâd finally given your number to MingyuâŠâ
âFinally? What do you mean?â you asked.
âHeâs been asking for your number for months,â Wonwoo says through somewhat gritted teeth. âSo Minghao told me youâd agreed to be set up and I donât know, I guess I just decidedâŠâ
âTo avoid me?â you supply.Â
âI didnât know what to do. And I didnât know how to process you not telling me,â he admits.Â
âYou werenât around for me to tell you,â you point out. âWeâve been fucking. I wasnât just gonna be like oh by the way, Iâm going on a date.âÂ
âPlease donât go on a date with him,â Wonwoo asks again.
âI will consider not going if you can actually talk to me,â you say.Â
âAbout what?â he asks.Â
âEverything youâre feeling and why this whole letâs just be roommates that fuck was stupid,â you say.Â
âWhatever you want, sweetheart,â he says immediately.Â
You sigh, realizing that youâre not going to be able to go back to sleep, and send Wonwoo to the kitchen to get you something to drink. By the time heâs back, youâre sitting up in bed and ready to have an actual conversation.Â
You stay up entirely too late talking about everything between the two of you. Itâs a little hard to believe Wonwoo is so open with admitting how he feels. Itâs harder to believe that Wonwoo knew he felt something for you before the very first time you had sex. In his mind, it was clear that he wasnât just offering because the two of you were friends. He offered it as a way to gauge your own feelings. But, after that first time, he kind of figured it was just sex and tried to detach himself from it. That was when you started to feel something for him.Â
When heâs done admitting his own mistakes and feelings, you figure that itâs time for you to own up to your own. It was really silly to just make up his side of the conversation about why he didnât stay in bed with you that night. After all, the one thing you both stressed before sleeping together the first time was that you had to be honest in your communication. Thatâs what friends did and you were friends before anything else. As it turns out, youâre both way more on the same page than either of you realized.Â
âYouâre wrong about one thing, though,â you admit.Â
âWhatâs that?â he asks.
âIt was never just sex for me. I was totally done the first time you kissed me,â you share, picking at a thread on your comforter to avoid looking at him.
âI kissed you before we even had sex,â he points out, incredulous.Â
âYeah, turns out Iâm not so good at the just friends who fuck thing,â you say with a shrug.Â
âIf Iâd have known that was all it took, Iâd have kissed you months ago,â Wonwoo grumbles.
That brings you up short. âNu, just how long have you liked me?âÂ
âI donât know, a while,â he says.Â
You just shake your head at him before pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. âJust talk to me next time.âÂ
âCan we go back to having sex now? I miss the feel of you,â he whines out. âAnd the taste.âÂ
âWe literally fucked less than a week ago,â you point out to try and avoid the way it makes heat pool.Â
âI could taste you every day and never get sick of it,â he says without any embarrassment.Â
âAre we really giving this a try?â you ask.
âUnless you donât want to,â Wonwoo says.
âI do, Iâm just scared. What if we try a relationship and it doesnât work?â you ask. âYouâre one of my best friends. I donât wanna lose that.âÂ
Wonwoo reaches out to tilt your head up. âWeâll just promise to be honest with each other. We can figure this out together.â
âOkay,â you agree.
âSo, weâre doing this?â he confirms.
âYeah, weâre doing this.âÂ
Just like that, you agree to take a leap with the only person that youâve always trusted to catch you every time you fall. It feels scary, but also completely natural.Â
i hope you enjoyed it! đ
#wonwoo smut#seventeen smut#svt smut#wonwoo x reader#seventeen x reader#svt x reader#wonwoo fanfic#wonwoo x you#wonwoo scenarios#wonwoo imagines#svt fanfic#seventeen fanfic#svt x you#seventeen x you#seventeen imagines#seventeen scenarios#svt imagines#svt scenarios#svthub#kvanity#ksmutsociety
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Alright, y'all, here's the plan: you're not quite aware of what Toji does for work, yet you keep quiet. But one night, the man comes home bleeding, and you can't keep your worries to yourself anymore. However, for your protection, Toji isn't ready to reveal his assassin business to you. And, in the heat of the moment, ends up saying something that hurts you instead...
A/n: (Reuploaded bc I forgot smthn) This prompt was picked from a poll to celebrate the 300+ followers milestone (pssst tysm for 450+ you lovelies :D) two weeks back. Truthfully, I don't think this is my best work after proofreading, but I did my best. Probably bc 1) it's longer than I intended, and 2) I procrastinated waaaaay too much with this. I don't even think I made sense halfway through, lol, but fuck it, we ball. Anyways, like last time, there is art drawn by me (@hoshigaby) but it'll be found deep in the fic :33
I hope you enjoy the ride and reblogs + replies are much appreciated!! Also, don't be alarmed that Y/n in the drawing looks of a dark complexion, feel free to use your imagination if it doesn't suit you. But do not edit it; be an adult and ignore it if it's not your taste.
Cw: Toji x fem!reader - arguing/yelling - fingering (fem! receiving) - mating press - Daddy kink - first Toji is sour, then he's sweet bc he's whipped for you :) - clitoral play (pressing down and a pinch) - praise - breast fondling + nipple play - pet names (angel, baby, darlin', honey, kid, mama/ma, princess, sweetheart/sweetie) - Megumi mean-mugging his father while Tsumiki and Shiu Kong tell him to do better lol - mentions of blood and stab wound; isn't fully healed so reopens.
Wc: 5.8k
"Uhh, are you sleeping on the couch?"
"Yes. Yes, I am."
"...Why??"
You scrunch your brow at your phone, looking at the two people you're talking to through the screen. "I know you're not about to get on my case over where I'm sleeping."
On the L-shaped couch lay you, cuddled up with a fluffy blanket and memory foam pillow, one hand holding your phone while another wrapped around a stuffed plushy. You were on a video call with your best friends: Utahime and Mei Mei.
Utahime, lying on her bed with a face mask, replied to you. "Oh, I'm definitely getting on your case because it's supposed to be the other way around!"
"True, but I like the couch anyways." You puff at the woman who's not satisfied with your answer. "Plus, I'm on the L-part of the couch, so it's practically like a bed!"
Your other friend, Mei Mei, chuckles at her screen. Icy blue hair pulled up in a bun with reading glasses positioned atop her forehead, probably counting her tips on her desk like she always does before bed. "My my, this is the fourth night this week. What did your man say to make you this upset?"
Memories of what happened before come back to you, and so does the exhausting irritation you've been trying to keep at bay.
It was a quiet night like this one as the rain fell hard on the silent streets. You've just put Tsumiki and Megumi to sleep and waited in the living room, watching a movie to pass the time. It was pretty late into the night when you heard the door open as drowsiness settled in. Nevertheless, you got up to greet the man you'd been waiting for coming from the entrance, but you weren't prepared for the sight that instantly woke you up.
Toji Fushiguro, groaning and leaning against the wall with his black jean jacket drenched from the rain. A hand was clenched on the left side of his torso, deep red tarnishing his plain white shirt. He was heaving in an attempt to even his breathing, but when he caught a glimpse of you standing before him, he was quick to try and play it off with a worn-out grin. "Hey, baby." His familiar deep voice was strained in subtle agony.
Worry bubbles within, and you rush towards him. "Oh my God, Toji, what happened!?" You remind yourself to not be too loud as the children are still asleep, so you rely on whisper yellings while walking him up to your shared bedroom.
Even in the room, Toji doesn't explain himself. Just silent hushes and cajoles that he's alright. "I'm fine, honey. Just tell me where's the first aid box." Pointing at the bathroom cabinet, you watch him leave your side to grab the kit. The crimson spilling from him is caused by a stab wound he reveals when he sits on the bathtub, lifting his shirt. You can feel your eyes water, imagining the pain he's going through when he hisses from putting on rubbing alcohol on the gash.
The words you want to say feel so forbidden. Your fingers fidget amongst themselves with the irregular beat of your chest. Don't say it, Y/n. Keep your mouth shut. Don'tâ
"Is this from work?"
Green eyes shoot back in your direction, and you immediately feel yourself sinking into a pool of regret.
Talk of Toji's occupation wasn't something you brought up much. Even at the beginning of your relationship, he didn't indulge in any insights about what he does, so you eventually quit after a few failed attempts. However, with all the nights he's come home while you sleep or the new scars you point out yet are brushed off, your anxiousness for him keeps festering. And seeing him with his own blood on his hands made you wonder how many nights he has pulled off doing such without your knowledge.
Toji's eyes go back to his wound. "Don't worry 'bout it." The stern tone of his voice has your blood turn cold. He didn't want to entertain this, especially in the wee hours of the night.
And yet you still persist. "No, Toji, I'm serious." You can see him glare at you through the raven bangs shading his forehead. A warning. But it doesn't stop you. "I'm getting worried about you."
From there was when the argument came. Every point you've made to him was shut down at once. His cold responses pierced you. Usually, you'd do what you can to avoid this type of confrontation. But now, it hurts even more when he doesn't cooperate with you, your concerns disregarded like rubbish.
"Damn it, Y/n!" Toji barks at you, seething through the physical pain as a fist bangs hard on the bathroom cabinet. "Why's it so hard for you to stay out of this?"
"Well, if you would tell me things instead of pushing me out the way, then maybe I wouldn't have to!" At this point, you're fighting the tears from falling. Your face hot with frustration, but you still speak. "Toji, I've done so much for you and the kids, and Iâ"
"No one told you to doâ"
"Yet I STILL do!" It's your turn to yell. "I care about you deeply, same with Tsumiki and Megumi. I don't ask for much, Toji. But I want you to open your life to me just a little, even when you're hurt like this!"
His emerald eyes remain rigid despite your pleas to him. And what he said next had you still to the core. You can recall the beat of your heart corrupting your senses while the tears stride down.
"If you were goin' to be a thorn on my side like this, I wouldn't have let you be in it in the first place."
"He said WHAT!!??" Utahime shrieks after you retell the situation to your friends.
You nod your head. "I just looked at him, and he looked at me. Then I turned, picked my pillow up, and headed downstairs to this couch."
To say the dark-haired woman was livid was an understatement. "And tell me WHY this fucker isn't the one sleeping on this couch, again??"
"Even if I did tell him to sleep on the couch, he probably would say something like, 'Tch, why should I? I pay bills for this damn house,' and yadda, yadda." This is true, apart from the man being injured, so having him move would've been immoral. "Plus, I just really wanted to get outta the room, so I went ahead and moved myself out."
"So? You pay bills too, what the hell!? Good God, Y/n," Utahime shakes her head. "You sure we can't pummel this dude?"
"Yes, I'm sure. Besides, I'm getting used to ignoring him when I see him around the house. But, oh my God, guys, his kids," the phone panned down to the plush toy and the pink, fluffy blanket. "Miki saw me sleeping here the other morning and gave me this blanket. And Gumi â he's such a sweetie. He gave me his favorite froggy toy to sleep with to scare off his dad from 'bothering me in my dreams.' "
"Hmm, how adorable." Mei Mei comments. "Funny how such darlings can come from a guy like that."
Utahime nods rapidly and throws in her opinion. "Listen, Y/n, you shouldn't think you outta be in every part of that man's life. Even so, he should at least know how to compromise. I mean, come on, you take care of him, the kids, the house, and go to work with us. All of that just for you to sleep on a couch!?"
"You're not gonna let this couch thing go, aren't you?" The pale blue-haired woman chuckles again, and Utahime sighs. "But she's right, Y/n. It takes a certain kind of person to have the patience to do what you do in a relationship with a single father and two children. I'm sure Utahime would've left with all her hair out."
The dark-haired one gets up from her bed and takes her device with her, heading to the bathroom to finish her skin care. "Now, why am I the one used as an example?"
"Because you're the most vocal about a relationship that isn't yours." A sly smile is painted on Mei Mei's face after she hears a 'hmph!' from the other as Utahime removes the mask and washes her face. "My point is that you like this man â love him even. But that love shouldn't cost you to be so emotionally drained. Perhaps he understands this, except it wasn't the perfect moment for you two to express yourselves. Maybe talk to him when you two stop the silent treatment."
All you do is hum aimlessly, too wrapped in what your friend said to give a proper response. Then you yawn, your body signaling you to finally rest. "I'll sleep on that thought. Night, girlies~~" You wave and send kisses to the other two. They do the same as you leave the video call, placing the phone on the coffee table and snuggling up with the blanket and plush toy.
You try to distract yourself by thinking of what you'll do tomorrow. You gotta get up and make breakfast for Tsumiki and Megumi before waking them up, then head to the station and take the bus to work. Maybe you can finally try that new café close by with Mei Mei and Utahime for lunch. And when you return home, you should whip up something fun for the kids to eat.
Perhaps, make something for Toji since he sometimes forgets to feed himself when you're not around. Or if he's leaving for work, wish him a safe trip back home like always. And...if he's down for it...you can find the right time......to talk...about......
ââșïœĄËâËâ§ââ©ââ§ËâËïœĄâșâ
The moment you closed your eyes, it felt as though you were sleeping on your own bed again. When you turn to your side, your body descends into the feeling of cold sheets beneath you. It was pretty comfy! Plus, the blanketâ
Wait...Sheets?
Your eyes slowly open to the sight of bedsheets underneath you. Navigating out of the sleepy stupor, you make out parts of your surroundings to know that you're not in the living room anymore. You slowly rise up to face the door of the bedroom. Your shared bedroom.
A sudden cough alerts you, forced as if to grab your attention. A chill crawls up your spine. Oh God, no. You turn to the side to see the man accompanying his side of the bed. And there he was, Toji, lying on his side with his head resting on a hand, looking dead at you. His raven hair looked damp from a recent shower, sporting only a grey wifebeater and dark sweatpants.
"Hey," is all he says to you. No smirk and no nickname followed with the greeting. Just a simple address to you with his green eyes softly watching yours. You almost fall into their inviting spell the more you look at them.
Nonetheless, it's not compelling enough since you remember he's the man you fought with four days ago â the same man you weren't prepared to see right now. You quickly turn away from him and lift the comforter to exit the room. However, Toji grabbed your wrist before your feet could touch the floor, his grip too strong for you to pull away from him.
You avoid eye contact with him, your back facing him. "Toji, let me go. I'm going to sleep."
"Then sleep."
"On the couch, Toji." You try and pull again. Nothing.
"Fuck that, just sleep here. I didn't carry you up here for nothin'."
You shake your head as you exhale through your nose. Of course, he carried me here. "Whatever happened to you not wanting me to be a part of your life?"
The words that left your lips surprised you and the grip around your wrist tightens. You didn't mean to say them, but it was the truth because they were his own words. Or did you?
Still facing away from Toji, you're unable to see his reaction. Oh shit, is he angry? Is he going to let me go after that?
"Darlin', please..." His deep voice hushed for only you to hear. "I just really need you with me here. Just for tonight...." His hold lessens, leaving you to decide whether you should stay.
The silence is uncomfortable for both of you â especially for Toji, who has you where he wants you to be, where you're supposed to be. As seconds pass when he doesn't hear from you, the nervousness that used to exist before your relationship rises back into the pit of his stomach. And his soul drops down when you remove your wrist from his hand.
Though, to his surprise, your hand lifts the comforter up while your legs move back on top of the mattress. You lay back down with a sigh, your back still facing Toji. "Did you give Miki back her blanket?"
Toji exhales quietly, situating himself back on his side of the bed. "Yeah, and Megumi with his toy."
You hum, and the silence fills the room once more.
Toji looks at nothing but your figure next to him, watching the rise and fall of your shoulder as you breathe silently, your face nestled comfortably on the pillow. To think it's been half a week since he last saw you in this room is hard to believe.
That night when you left him really stuck with him. The image of your face covered in tears was all he envisioned, the same with you grabbing your pillow and exiting the room. After tending his stab wound, he went down to talk it out. Yet when Toji saw you sleeping soundly on the couch with dried tears painting your pretty face, he didn't dare wake you up and just went to bed.
And it was worse the following days. Not only did he have you avoiding him at every chance, but he had to deal with the judgmental looks of his children. Never in his life has he seen Megumi give him glares that meant business. If looks could kill, Toji would be finished. And Tsumiki, his sweet little girl, now pesters him about being nice to Y/n, saying he should think about their feelings and apologize.
But what about his feelings? Does no one understand that he was just trying to keep you out of business that you didn't need to fret over? He's very aware that his job is not a normal one. It's dangerous, and anyone around him can get hurt or worse. Hence, keeping you away from this part of his life keeps you and his family safe. If not knowing he's an assassin keeps you from harm's way, why change that.
At least...that's what he thought, not what he said.
Even Shiu Kong, his handler, had something to say after telling him what had happened during lunch today. "Wow. I knew you were trash, but I didn't know you were that dumb, too." The man snickers when Toji shoves a middle finger his way. Shiu lights another cigarette after discarding the one he finishes. "Well, how were they supposed to know you were watching out for them? If someone you love comes to your front door bloody and sick, whose safety are you worrying about?"
Toji says nothing to that, letting the other man resume speaking some sense into him after taking a long sig from his cigarette.
"Look. I can't promise that this angel of yours wants to stay with you after what you said. That's all up to them. But until they decide that, I hope your dumbass realizes when someone sticks with you literally through blood and pain, that's someone who cares for you to the Moon and back. Not saying you should tell them what you do, but a nice word or two of comfort is all they need. If you're not that big of an idiot, reconcile and let them know you care about them."
"...Reconcile and let them know you care about them..."
If there's one thing that Toji has trouble with, it's knowing how to use his words. It was a tiny problem in the earlier stages of your relationship, but as time flew, you could guess how much the tall man cherishes you by his actions rather than words.
The older man knows that you know he loves you. But now, when he's pushed into a position where words are necessary to portray his real feelings for you, he feels stumped.
"If you were goin' to be a thorn on my side like this, I wouldn't have let you be in it in the first place."
Toji grimaces at his own words replaying in his head. Why the fuck did I say that?
"Whatever happened to you not wanting me to be a part of your life?"
Your words ring in his mind. Why did I fuckin' say that for? What the hell is wrong with me? What didâ
"Toji?"
He returns to reality, eyes moving back to your still silhouette.
"I know you're still awake, so I'm gonna ask this." Toji braces himself for whatever your soft voice muttered. "Whatever job you're doing, is it a dangerous one?"
Shit. The dreaded talk is here, and Toji cannot escape it.
"Yeah."
"Are you good at your job?"
"It's the only thing I'm good at."
You nod your head aimlessly to his answer. Then you turn around to face the anxious older man. The moonlight peaking through the window blinds illuminates your face beautifully while Toji's breathing slows.
"I don't think that's true," you continue to answer. "You're good at being a father to Tsumiki and Megumi. Not the best, but a decent one nonetheless. You're also good at caring for me; letting me live with you and your family proves that. And lastly," Toji gulps with a dry throat.
"You're good at loving. You say you're lousy at it, but there's love in everything you do for me. It's there when you look at me whenever you think I'm unaware. Or when you silently grab my hand when in crowded areas. Or," a small chuckle exits from you. "When you carry me up from downstairs to the bedroom."
Toji's jade eyes lock in with yours, waiting for you to avert your gaze away from him. But you don't. You keep looking at him. You keep spoiling him. This type of recognition is something Toji never thought he deserved, so you giving it to him so effortlessly makes his growing guilt eat him alive.
"I care about you so much, Toji." You shift closer to Toji and bring a hand to his cheek, causing the man to lift his brows. Your face is only a few inches away from his. "What happened yesterday really scared me. All I could think about was the wound and all the scars you have. Where they all came from and how deep they are. Or......you never coming back."
"Baby..." Toji absently refers to you with a sweet name, placing his big hand on top of yours on his cheek. He lets you finish.
"I know you can't guarantee coming back to me unscathed, but I just want you to promise me something: please let me know you'll be okay. When you're gone, I can only hope you make it back home safely. So, just promise to not get yourself killed." A sheepish smile is used to ease the serious tone. "Even if I'm not in your life, I'm sure Tsumiki and Megumi would be pretty upset to not have you around."
Toji scoffs. "Trust me, I'm sure they'd leave me the moment you step out the door." That makes you laugh, and it has the man swooning hearing it. His hand moves to your cheek, and you allow him to stroke it with a thumb. "And I wouldn't blame 'em. Havin' such a beautiful and loving angel slip through my fingers?"
"Toji..."
"I'm sorry for what I said and scarin' you like that. If you aren't here with me, as part of my life and all, then I don't think I can't make a promise like that. You're too good fr' me, and I'm sorry if I didn't seem to appreciate you until now."
And you know he's genuine with his plea, his green eyes gauging your reaction to see if he's worth another chance. All you do is sigh and lift yourself up, wipe his wet bangs from his forehead, and kiss it. "Not the best apology, but I accept it."
He drones, relishing the feeling of your lips on him again. "So, are we cool, kid?"
"Yeah," you peer down at him with a smile, and he does the same. "We're cool. However, if you ever yell at me again, don't be surprised when I pack my bags."
"Oh yeah?" Toji raises a brow. "I'll be careful, then."
"You better." Hushed chuckles are shared to comfort the silence, enjoying the closeness between you two that felt like forever to have again. Just the two of you with you giggling above him and the light from the window cascading an ethereal glow to your features. Your teeth shied behind pretty lips, lips he wanted to kiss.
And you catch him looking. You notice him wanting you, needing you. Just as much as you need him. You slowly lean down to his face, planting your soft lips on his rigid pair.
Toji's surprised by the action for a moment, but he moans into your mouth and pulls you into him closer. The kiss starts off nice and slow yet quickly changes to one filled with passion and desire. Teeth clashing, tongues exchanging, sweet moans paired with aroused groans.
As you two are lost in each other's lips, Toji carefully maneuvers you on your back with him on top of you. Your legs find purchase around his waist as he rocks into your core, rocking your hips together in a steady rhythm by the second.
His hand snakes down to your lower region, fingers brushing past your pajamas and onto your panty-covered vulva. The intrusion has you breaking the kiss with heavy breaths filling the silent, moonlit room. He busses your chin down to your neck as shaky mewls slip out your mouth.
"Haaah, Toji, we shouldn't. It's lateâHmmm..." Your whimpers don't stop him from pulling your pajamas and undergarments off.
"It's okay, sweetheart, lemme make it up to you." He says in-between kisses on your clavicle, pulling up your shirt to reveal your bare chest. His free hand fondles a breast before his mouth goes for the other. "Let Daddy take care of you..."
The sudden combination of his thick fingers intruding between your nether folds and his mouth sucking and licking your sensitive nipple has you whining in bliss, your hand gripping his wet raven hair resulting in a satisfied groan from the older man. Toji missed this â missed you â close to him, under him on this bed.
One finger plays with your wet chasm for a few moments before it's inserted inside. A shriek is let out as your cunt adjusts to the digit. "Mmmph! Oh God, Daddy, your fingers...Ahhh!"
A soft 'pop' leaves from Toji's mouth when pulled back from sucking on your nipple, his tongue lapping around the sensitive nob. "What's that, mama? My fingers feelin' good?" You nod rapidly, but that's not the answer Toji's looking for, so he bites on your nipple gingerly yet hard enough for you to jolt. "Daddy wants your words, angel."
"Yesss, yes, your fingers feel soo good," You mewl to him, and Toji chuckles dangerously low while rewarding you with another digit in your slick-coated hole. His abrupt middle finger joins his forefinger in attacking your velvety walls, and your voice shifts higher in ecstasy.
The sounds of Toji's tongue licking around your nipple coincide with the squelches between his fingers and your gushy slit. Your brain starts to short-circuit.
"Ahh! Ahhh! Daddy, I can feelâI'm gonna," Toji's fingers pick up the pace. You're so close to release, you can feel it.
"Gonna be good and cum on Daddy's fingers, right, baby?"
"Mhmmm, I wanna coâOh, Jesus, I wanna come. Hoooooh..."
"Then go ahead, princess. Mess 'em up." Toji comes up to kiss your forehead as his fingers go irrationally fast, and a thumb sneaks to press down on your unattended clit. With a choked cry, you spasm and cream on his thick digits. He watches you finish, loving the image of your head pushed back on pillows and your body arching towards him.
He dismisses himself from you once you're done, licking his fingers of your essence and taking off his wifebeater and pants. The image of his free cock has you biting your lower lip in anticipation as you discard your shirt to the bedroom floor as well. When you look at Toji, you notice the bandaged patch on his left side. He sees you glimpsing, quick to ease your concerns. "I'll be fine, darlin'. Won't go too crazy." Looking at his scarred body in a new light, you nod and follow his lead.
Toji carries your legs up to move to the right of his shoulder, situating you two into a mating press. His dick aligns with your glossy cunt. Precum meets slick and lubricates the two sexes pushing into each other. Toji coaxes you. "Too tense, ma. Relax fr' me." You prepare yourself with even breaths, and the man pushes into you with each exhale.
The head of his cock enters, a cry departs from your lips, and Toji hisses with the tightness of your slit. His hips go slow, making sure your walls accommodate every vein and dent of his dick as it ventures deep within you. Hits to your G-spot have you babbling incoherent prayers, gripping the sheets under you.
When his cockhead finally meets your cervix, you sob his name in rapture. Toji smirks, dialing the pace of his thrusts up. "Mmmm, Christ, yr' tight pussy. So fuckin' perfect fr' me."
Every stroke prompts a euphoric moan from you, drool escaping your lips as your mind turns into putty. The noises of his pelvis smacking on your ass feel so wrong to hear, yet you can't help but grip around Toji's girthy length. It gets worse when he presses his entire body weight on you, forcing you to take his cock and abusing your tender cervix with every deep rut.
As for Toji, he's enjoying seeing you writhe and pant under his bow. The corner of your eyes sprinkled with tears, your mouth wailing in euphoric chants, the way your cunt clamps around his dick when he grinds his hips deep onto your come-covered folds. He can never get enough of this, enough of you, driving him so fucking crazy.
"Daddyyy, I'm gonnaâAhhaaaa!!" Toji's now going at an erratic cadence, his cock churning your insides as his heavy balls slapping your folds being the only things you can listen to. Your whines get higher and higher while chasing your climax. "Cu-cumming, I'm gonna cummâOhhh!!"
"Hnngh! Oh, shit, fuck, fuck. Me too, kid, me too," Toji groans into your ear. God, his deep voice makes your brain mush. "Oooooh, want me to fill you up, mama?"
Your head nods frantically, tears now staining your face. "Yessss, please, Daddy!! I want it!" Toji hears your pleas and smashes his mouth into yours, moans swapped between lips with tongues daubed in saliva. A hand is moved down to your clit, pinching the spot between Toji's forefinger and thumb. And your pussy tightens around his cock one last time before you peak onto him.
The fluttery spasms of your walls clenching around Toji have him finish in three deep strokes, spurting his seed inside you before he relaxes his heaving body on yours. The kiss breaks with you two huffing and panting, the final moments of your high finally depleting out of your nude bodies.
His green eyes take in your dazed expression, calloused fingers wiping your tears away. "How's that for an apology?"
"You pervy old man," You chuckle to yourself, so out of breath. "You're more of a man of action anyway, so you pulled through. "
"Hehe, I'll take it." He cups your jaw with his big hand, your eyes locked in with his. "I love you so fuckin' much, baby. Sorry for ever making you think otherwise."
You blink once. Twice. Your hands come up to his face, and a finger swipes away black bangs stuck to his sweaty forehead. "I love you too, Toji. I would've left your ass if you weren't."
Toji smiles and leans in to kiss your swollen lips with his scared ones; however, a sharp pain stops him, prompting the big man to yell out. Worried, you try to assess what's wrong. Then you see it: the blood-stained bandage on his left side.
A gasp catches his attention, and Toji turns to what you're gawking at. His body freezes, seeing the trail of blood exit from his reopened wound.
"Ahhhh shit..."
ââșïœĄËâËâ§ââ©ââ§ËâËïœĄâșâ
"Well, well, well," Utahime smirks at you through the screen. "I see you're not on the couch anymore."
You smile sheepishly as you lie on the pillows and headboard of your shared bed. Tsumiki and Megumi huddle beside you, napping blissfully around your presence under Tsumiki's pink blanket.
"Yeah, we made up last night." To avoid disturbing the children, you reply in whispers.
Mei Mei hums. "I see that. I assume you two had a nice talk about it?" You open your mouth, but no words come out. The two women quirk up a brow.
"Oh? I take it that there was more than just talking." Utahime chimes in, her smile going ear to ear while your eyes avoid the screen. "No wonder we didn't see you at work today. The dick so good it saved your relationship, huh?" She laughs at you hushing her up for using crude language while the children sleep. "Well, happy you two figured it out. But don't think I won't come over there and beat his ass the next time I see you on that couch."
"I second that," Mei Mei agrees. "But Uta can do the beatdown; I'm more interested in what he has in his wallet."
"Not much, I'll tell you that." you correct your friend. "I'm the one who takes care of his finances for safe-keeping."
"Well, that makes things easier for me."
The three of you laugh through your devices. Then you hear heavy footsteps drawing closer from the stairs. "Oop, he's back now. I'll talk to you guys later!" You hurriedly wave and kiss your friends goodbye before ending the video call. The bedroom door opens, and there he is.
Toji flashes a quick smile at you before it vanishes once he sees his kids nestled around you. "I was hopin' to get some alone time with you."
You giggle as you brush Tsumik's hair away from her pretty face. "You're back early. Is your wound okay now?"
"Hmph, yeah, thanks to you pushin' me out the way and grabbin' for the first aid kit." Toji pokes fun at you for the event from last night, where you immediately pushed the brawny man off of you and ran for the tools necessary to treat his open injury the moment you saw blood. You chuckle and watch the tall man climb into bed. "Doc said it should fully heal within a week or two. Why the squirts here?"
"They were happy to find me back in the room for a nap, so they joined me and kept me company." Megumi snuggles close to you for warmth, and you pick him up to your chest.
"Well, they're takin' my spot."
"I don't think they care."
Toji pinches your nose for your snarky remark, and you wriggle out of his fingers with quiet chuckles. His hand then cups your face and pulls you to face him, his emerald eyes softly gazing into you.
"You know I love the hell outta you, right?" His deep voice sounds sweet to the ears. You purr into his hand. "And I hope you know I'm the same for you." He nods. You smile.
He hesitates for a split second, but Toji leans close to kiss your tender lips. Only for a tiny hand to come smacking him in the face, halting him from further movement. To the shock of you both, Megumi was back awake, sending a mean look at his father.
Toji groans in annoyance. "What was that for, brat?"
"For making Y/n sad." Megumi keeps his hold on you secure as he and Toji mean-mug each other. Queuing Tsumiki from her slumber, defending you from her father. "Apologize or stay away!" The little girl warns the older man.
You're quick to break up the mini-fight amongst the Fushiguros. "Alright, kids, no need to worry about me. Your dad already apologized to me by promising to take us out for dinner tonight." Childish faces beam in delight while Toji shifts to instant puzzlement. "Now go get ready and put on your shoes!" Tsumiki and Megumi do just that, rushing out of your shared room and to their own.
When you can't hear the pitter-patter of little feet anymore, you feel big strong arms haul you into Toji's embrace, attacking you with tickles. You try to squirm your way out, but it's no use when he uses his body to cage you in. "Who told you to make promises on my name, huh? You tryna be bratty with me, kid?" He grins at your ticklish suffering.
"Then don't youâOh God, stop!" It's difficult finishing your statement while fighting back laughter and screams. "Don't you ever yell at me again!"
He stops tickling you, thank God. You catch your breath as Toji looks at you under him with a proud smile. "I don't plan on it, sweetie. Now c'mere."
Toji finally has his lips placed on your soft ones, and you happily return the favor by wrapping your arms around his neck to pepper him with delicate kisses. But the romantic atmosphere vanishes when the children come and dogpile on Toji after hearing your ticklish screams, forcing the older Fushiguro off of you to deal with his kids with tickles of their own.
Observing the children laugh and squirm under Toji's merciless fingers, a soft smile adorns your face watching the domestic display before you and thinking how lucky you are to witness such a thing. Well, that's before all three of them turn to you and bring you another ticklish horror.
And despite the torture, your screams and giggles are filled with pure joy and contentment, and you wouldn't have it any other way.
#đŻđđđđ Ëââ§ê°á â à»ê± â§âË đŸđđđđđ: đđđđ#jujutsu kaisen smut#jjk smut#jjk x reader#jjk x fem!reader#jjk x y/n#jjk fanfic#jujutsu kaisen toji#toji#toji fushiguro#toji fushiguro x you#toji fushiguro x reader#toji fushiguro smut#toji smut#toji x reader#toji x y/n#toji x female reader#toji fanfic#fushiguro toji#dilf toji#anime smut#finally have this fic out of sight now I can write thirsts!!!!
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can i request for a mean!spencer x bau!reader? like they are not enemies but there's just this really intense sexual tension with prompts 2, 30, 48, and 49? thank you!
#2 "I wouldn't fuck you if you were the last person on earth.â #30 "You're not as hot as you think you are.â #48 "You belonged to me before I even made you mine.â #49 "I'm so fucking obsessed with you.â
A/N: Thank you for requesting! Sorry it took almost an entire season to get it done đ I hope it's as good as you expected it would be :D
Warnings: slight BDSM themes, Dom!Spencer, dry humping, choking, thigh riding, finger sucking, cum play, facial, penetrative sex, use of contraception, probably more that I don't remember right now... 18+ Minors DNI
There was no one you wanted to spend the night with less than Spencer Reid.
He was annoying, and frustrating and most importantly never knew when to shut the fuck up.
No one was better at getting under your skin, and no one seemed to relish it quite like he did. It wasn't that you hated the man, just that he had the presence of an unkillable mosquito in your life.
He was irritating.
âY/N, are you even listening to me?â
âI try not to make a habit of it,â you rolled your eyes, pushing past the man as you both finally made it to your motel room for the night.
You weren't sure if this was divine punishment or Emily's idea of a joke, but you'd ended up with Reid as your roomie for the next week.
As your case location was remote and as back waters as it could get, you'd ended up needing to bring Penelope Garcia along with you physically. And with only four rooms available, the eight members of your team had to all scramble for acceptable roommates and, having gotten off the jet last, you'd drawn the short straw.
Rossi had been quick to pair up with Luke, citing Spencer's snoring habit as reason enough, and the girls had happily fallen into two pairs. It was your lucky day.
With your hands busy with your bags, you tossed the key to Spencer quickly and waited for him to unlock the door, eager to escape the cold chill of the night.
âHurry up, Spencer, or we'll both turn into popsicles out here.â
âNot only is that physically impossible, but it also isn't that cold out here, Y/N. Don't you think you're being a bit sensitive.â
You stuck your tongue out at him and he let out a sharp chuckle as he finally managed to unlock the door.
Despite your best wishes, stepping over the threshold didn't solve your problems. Instead it seemed to present even more.
âFuck, how is it colder in here than it is out there?â You said, shivering violently as you stood in the doorway. If you thought that was reason enough to cure though, you thought you'd practically spit fire when you saw the sleeping arrangements for the night.
âAre you fucking kidding me?â Your body forgot its fight to keep warm, letting your blood run cold as you found yourself face to face with one singular, though large, bed. Another cursory glance around, and the heart motifs on the walls and pink themes cushions on the bed suggested that this was likely the motels joke of a Honeymoon Suite.
âEmily did mention that we booked out their last four rooms.â Spencer said, walking up beside you and frowning deeply as he took in the same scene you did.
âShe said nothing about the rooms being igloos though, Spencer. I never thought hypothermia was going to be my cause of death after spending the night with you in the room.â
âYou think I'd shoot you.â
âI think I'd shoot myself.â
He scowled a little at that and moved to check the room's thermostat. Although it was presently reading 215° so you didn't know how much good that could do.
âThere's no sofa,â you grumbled as you watched Spencer move to the small bathroom.
âAnd there's no hot water. And according to the sign on that table, there's nothing we can do about it until the morning.â You picked up the sign yourself, just to verify and practically moaned in frustration.
âThis is insane, we'll freeze to death.â
âIt has to drop below 32° in here for us to even possibly freeze death. There's no wind, rain and we have blankets, so maybe you should focus less on being dramatic and more on what we can be doing to warm up.â
âI'm sorry, Doctor Genius, whatever can I do to warm up? Please impart some of your wonderful knowledge on me, I beg.â His eyes flashed with some annoyance and you quietly enjoyed the expression, happy to have affected him as much as he affected you.
âYou can start by stripping.â It was his turn to enjoy the abject look of horror that crossed your face in that moment, and you were convinced that of he let even a hint of a laugh out, you'd throttle the man.
âI'm sure you'd just love that,â you grumbled, crossing your arms over your chest.
âWell, there's no water, no thermostat and no other source of heat, so if you're so worried about hypothermia, there's only one solution viable to us right now.â
âYou're joking. You want us to huddle together for warmth?â You backed yourself into a corner as you tried to distanced yourself from him as he suddenly began divesting himself of clothing.
As soon as he reached the top buttons of his shirt, you let out a quick squeak and turned around.
âUnless you want me to watch you get undressed too, I suggest you hurry up and do it before I get into bed.â
You quietly cursed and started unwrapping each of your layers, fingers fumbling with the cold already seeped into your skin.
âI am not getting naked, Spencer Reid.â
âI didn't ask you to. Just get comfortable.â You turned around to shoot him a glare, but when you noticed his back was turned - and bare - you lost all memory of the purpose of the movement.
You'd never quite realised before how broad his back was. His shoulders looked strong despite his lithe frame, twisting rather attractively as he pulled his nightshirt over his head. You were almost disappointed that he wasn't facing you, suddenly curious about Spencer Reid's happy trail.
You snapped yourself out of it and continued to change, wrapping your coat around your waist to hide your legs as you switched your pants to your sleep shorts. It was an awkward fumble, but at least the lights were low.
When you were finally ready, your steps back to the bed were hurried and near painful as you felt colder than ever.
Spencer was already there, and without a second thought, you pulled the quilts up and plastered yourself to his side. He was the only thing in the entire room offering you a modicum of warmth, and you weren't going to let your personal hot water bottle go just because everything that came out of his mouth was hot air.
âSo you're a big fan of this now, huh?â He said, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you in. Your back was pressed against his chest as you both laid on your sides, piles of duvet and blankets laid out on top of you. You hated to admit it, but this position was comfortable.
Maybe it was just months of working cases non-stop and perpetual singleness, but the feeling of a man at your back was infinitely pleasing.
âDon't expect anything more Spencer Reid. I wouldn't have sex with you if you were the last man alive.â The words were harsh, and if you were being honest, a little bit untrue. Your small peak at his back earlier had definitely sparked an interest in you that was bubbling up in your throat. Like bile.
âYou don't have to worry about that. You're actually not as hot as you think you are.â His words were tinged with the same faux bitterness as yours, but you refused to hear it. Instead all you felt was another unpleasant heat spreading throughout you, quiet anger plotting in your stomach.
You knew you probably shouldn't push it, but you needed Spencer to eat those words. Desperately.
Your mind ticked through a few options before landing on one. If you were so unattractive, then surely there's no way he'd physically react to you.
Scooting your body closer to his, you take advantage of the less than comfortable bed, making each of your movements similar to ones you would make when getting comfortable. Except, of course, with the added bonus of making sure your ass pressed directly up against his crotch, moving up and down and grinding into him.
You felt him slightly stiffen behind you, and decided that a few we'll time groans of frustration could go a long way to spurring him on.
So you began letting little gasps and sighs out, graduating to moans when you thought he wouldn't question it, each small movement rubbing against him deliberately.
What you'd failed to remember though, was his hand on your waist. Although you knew he was awake beside you, despite the now late hour and somewhat comfortable bed, his hand held you firm. Or it did until you risking bounced yourself gently against him, and his now limp hand slipped underneath your shirt.
The moan you released then was genuine, the cool touch of his fingers against your burning skin causing you to flush and shiver at the same time. You cursed your earlier self for valuing your comfort over your general peace of mind, because as Spencer's hand once again settles centimetres away from the edge of your boob, you desperately wished for your bra back.
You stopped moving, hoping that if you just pretended to sleep for a few minutes, his hand would reach higher and he'd prove to you that he did think you were attractive. He didn't though, showing off how gentlemanly he was. It pissed you off. Most of his good qualities pissed you off, and you were sure that said more about you than him .
You tried your best to just give in, to even out your breathing and let the black haze of sleep take over but his hands on you were maddening, and you found your body reacting in much the same ways you'd wished him to react.
It didn't help that he'd casually shifted his lower body away from you slightly in your stillness, letting himself fall onto his back rather than his side. As he made this shift, his hand trailed across the expanse of your body before cutting all contact with you altogether.
So much for huddling for warmth if all he had to do to return you to record heats was stroke you like that.
You needed to feel him again, so, feigning the most realistic sleeplike movements you could muster, you turned your body in his direction, and placed your head over his chest. You weren't finished, just proceeding with caution. Your hands obviously fell over his chest, if slightly lower than you'd expect.
It was only when your leg finally came up over his that he broke his silence.
âI know you're awake, Y/N,â he whispered in your ear, a solid hand on your thigh holding it down right over his crotch. You felt your prize and grinned in your sleep.
He was hard. You'd won. It was time to play.
You opened your mouth to purr victoriously at him, but he moved so abruptly you were never expecting it.
Shifting his hands to your ass, he hauled your body over him, letting his hands stay on your hips as he began to help you shift them back and forth. You moaned at the friction, even as your head stayed rested on his chest. The movements were shallow, just a teasing but you already felt more aroused than you had in months. Slowly, your hips started moving for themselves and his hands moved onto more important things.
âAm I suddenly the last man on Earth, Y/N?â He smiled, tipping your head up so you could make eye contact with him.
âGo to hell.â
âI think we're already there, don't you?â With that, his large hands sat you up, meeting with no resistance as you let yourself become pliable.
âShow me.â He whispered, hands right on your hips, pushing into your flesh just a touch part forceful.
âShow you what?â You narrowed your eyes, but you knew exactly what it was he wanted and that you weren't going to out up much a resistance before giving it to him.
âShow me how much you want to fuck me. Since your mouth isn't honest, I'm going to have to listen to your body.â You let your hands fall to his chest, pushing lower until you reached the hem of his shirt. He'd pushed the quilts off of your torso, letting the cold air attack your upper body, so you knew your hands were cold, and the hiss he let out at the contact was satisfying enough to shut up and actually start following his directions.
You shifted your body up and down, grinding and dry humping his crotch, wishing for him to stop being a tease and just get it over with.
He wasn't letting you compromise, though. Each small sound that left your body met with a soft smirk from him, each halt in your movements a prod from his hands. You'd tried to still your hips entirely once out of frustration, but he'd delivered a slap to your ass that had you gushing, desperate to reach a release even if he'd only allow you it this way.
âI don't think you're trying hard enough.â His voice was lower than before, something gravelly to it as he began pulling your clothing off one item at a time. Your sweater went first, before he flipped your positions and shimmered your shorts off your body, taking underwear soon after and then you were bare to him and he was rolling you once again.
âThat's better. Now, where were we?â He moved your hips for you again, but his eyes stayed focused in the rigid peaks of your nipples, bouncing with each rock of your hips. You weren't sure if it was the cold temperature of the room or your sheer need to cum that had them reacting, but you knew he was seconds away from wrapping his tongue around one and giving into you, so you just accepted it.
His hands stayed put, still on your hips, though the direct contact was heating you slightly more. If you looked down, you were sure you'd see a wet patch against his sweat pants, so you didn't.
You just moaned and whimpered searching for your orgasm on top of him.
âWhat's wrong, Y/N? Do you need my help to finish?â He noticed your every insecurity, your weakness and exploited it. You were running close to inconsolable, desperate to hit that climax now, more than ever before, so you just nodded at him profusely, desperate for him to touch you in whatever way he could.
It wasn't his hand you felt on your clit, though. It was your own, he wrapped a hand around your fingers and bought them up to the correct stop, showing you exactly what he'd like to see.
âTouch yourself, Y/N. Touch yourself and wish it was me.â With the friction from grinding against him for so long, the satisfaction from the rigid tent underneath you and your hands taking his guidance, it was really not long before your pussy finally twitched familiarly and sighed, soaking his pants underneath you as you shuddered in delight.
He had to ruin your moment of bliss by talking.
âIs that enough, slut? Or do you really need to be filled right now?â
You didn't care if he saw you sticking your tongue down his throat as you collapsed on top of his chest as an answer to that question, or if he saw it as what it was - a desperate attempt to shut him up. All you knew was that he tasted sweet and hot, and that his hand wrapped around your throat was also hot as he pulled you up and off of him.
âLet me be clear. I am in charge.â A simple shift of his legs was enough to flip your positions, landing on top of you ungrateful, but you didn't care.
Using his new high ground, he wedged your legs open and slid a single finger inside you as you moaned. He too found success in silencing you by sticking his tongue down your throat, forcing you to battle him for dominance you knew he'd never allow you.
Having cum only moments before, you truly believed that there was no way he was going to push another one out of you after so little time. The night was full of surprises though.
As you relaxed into his intrusion, he opened you up with a second finger, then a third. You already felt yourself building towards your end goal, but it was his head dropping to tour cold nipples that finally had you cumming around his fingers. His mouth was wet, tongue warm against your skin, and he toyed with you so effectively, you practically forgot your previous qualms.
âSee? You belong to me before I've even made you mine.â It irked you that he was right. Had this been any other man, you're sure you'd be bragging about such passionate sex for weeks with your friends. You were resentful that it was him, but you didn't want it to end yet.
Your arms pulled up to hide your face as he traced kisses up and down your chest, fingers coming free to pay attention to your since abandoned nipples.
âI can't wait to fuck you. You're going to feel so good wrapped around my cock,â he whispered into your ear as he pulled your arms away from your face, making sure your eyes were focused on him before his next line.
âYou have no clue what you started. I'm so fucking obsessed with you.â
His hands fell to your face, where his thumb pushed against your lips, slipping into your mouth where you sucked on it, getting it wet as his cock teased the folds of your pussy, running up and down with each gentle push of his hips. You entertained him for a moment before pushing up slightly, his thumb falling from your mouth as you blindly reached for the bedside table. Pulling it open, you were relieved to find what you were looking for.
âIf you're so fucking obsessed with me, Spencer, show me.â Carefully unwrapping the package, you grabbed his dick and gently slid the condom onto him, making sure it was secure before you propped yourself back on the pillows, waiting for him to initiate once again.
âPillow princess. You're acting like I haven't been dreaming of exactly this for the last 12 months.â
You couldn't waste time processing those words before he again ran his cock through the folds of your pussy, then sank himself deep inside you. And you meant deep.
The sudden impact robbed you of your thoughts, pushing out every miserable thought and leaving you with just Spencer and pleasure. The two concepts soon became synonymous as his hips lazily sent him careening in and out of you.
His strokes gained speed gradually until the only words shared between you were the animalistic pants of pleasure, his voice driving you insane as you tried not to get overstimulated before you could cum for a third time.
âShit, shit, shit, shit, Spencer-â your moans turned to screams as your orgasm rolled over you, his dick hitting just the right spot inside you that forced your nails to bite his skin, and forced your voice to scratch at your throat as it pushed up from your gut.
Noticing your relentless twitching, Spencer immediately pulled out of your cunt, allowing you a moment of reprieve. Pushing up to his knees, he moved to your side, his crotch parallel with your face as he rolled the condom off his dick.
Stroking himself to completion, he came right over your lips, your eyes dripping with lust as you licked them clean, catching the dribbles that fell down your chin with your fingers and popping them into your mouth as well.
After your whorish display of desperation, it took a full ten minutes for your brain function to resume.
In that time, Spencer had cleaned both of you up speedily with a hotel towel, wrapped an arm around you and began spooning you once again, his chest warm and comfortable against your back, his scent intoxicating.
It didn't stop being so when you finally came down from your post-cum bliss.
âYou're not allowed to tell anyone what happened tonight,â you said, turning over to look him in the eye.
âNothing from tonight, got it. What about tomorrow?â
âWhat do you mean?â
âI mean, am I allowed to tell them how I plan to wake you up tomorrow, and how your current state of dress made it possible, if not directly invited it?â
You flushed at his words, tingling already at the mention of tomorrow.
âWe're sharing a room, Y/N. If you think I'm not going to be inside you whenever were both free, you're entirely mistaken.â His voice was clear - not even a hint of hesitancy in his voice.
âI'm not letting you go that easily, Y/N.â
#spencer reid#criminal minds#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid fanfic#mgg#spencer reid smut#criminal minds fanfiction#criminal minds fandom#spencer reid x self insert#spencer reid x reader smut#spencer reid x y/n#spencer reid fanfiction#spencer reid criminal minds#dr spencer reid#spencer reid x you
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welcome baaaack! i missed you so much
i've been here since forever and i remember a very long time ago that you promised us insecure chubby bucky. i never forget and i'm still waiting for him (when you get time for sure). i would love to read that whenever you right it! otherwise i'm really happy you're back again.
much love purple<3
Pairing: Insecure!Chubby!Chef!Bucky Barnes x f!reader
Word Count: 4,180
Summary: Bucky runs into his ex, who manages to mess with his head, bringing his insecurities to the surface again. His girl takes it upon herself to show him how perfect he is.
Warnings: 18+ content, bullying (sort of), fat shaming, negative self body image, insecurities, intrusive thoughts, mentions of cheating, a little crying, a little angst, smut, unprotected vaginal sex, cum, multiple orgasms
A/N: Nonnie, omg, you have been here a long time! I love and appreciate you so so much and I can't believe you stuck around for so long wow:"đđ Thank you so much for existing and for being here you're the reason I don't wanna leave againđđđ Here's one insecure chubby bucky for you, I hope you like this one and that I did a good jobđ Thank you again ilyyy, please enjoyxxđđ(y'all i think i forgot how to write smut what is wrong with me)
~
perfect to me
âIâm so sorry, baby, I have to run,â she told him after checking her phone, pecking his lips and taking quick steps down the aisle of the large store.
Bucky smiled, taking another fruit plate and placing it in their cart. His girl was such a hard worker and he couldnât be prouder.
It was going to be Christmas soon and his girl was still working hard so Bucky was going to make her the best holiday food sheâs ever tasted.
He was focused on picking the freshest cranberries when he heard a scoff, a very familiar one.
âHey, Ryan,â Bucky sighed, not really wanting to ruin his good mood, as he turned around to meet a face he knew too well.
âWhat does she owe you?â said Ryan, tilting his head with a smirk.
âWhat?!â
âThereâs no way this chick is seeing you. I figured she must owe you and is just paying her debt!â He smirked further, not even trying to hide his gloating when he saw that his words still had an effect on Bucky.
âMy relationship with her is none of your business.â Buckyâs voice was suddenly low as his eyes stared down at the contents of the cart.
âBut my relationship with you is.â Ryan put a finger under Buckyâs chin but the latter took a step away.
âWe donât have a relationship. You cheated on me, remember? I was too fat for you.â Buckyâs shaky voice moved nothing inside Ryan. If anything Ryan wanted more.
âAnd now youâre too fat for her.â
âShut up. She is nothing like you.â
âReally? Do you even know where she goes when she leaves you? Where she is right now, for example?â Ryan smirked.
âShe got called into work and had to run to the office.â Bucky knew he owed him nothing and if he was in his right mind he wouldnât have went through a conversation with Ryan at all, but he wasnât.
âHow are you still so naĂŻve?â He laughed heartily as if Buckyâs misery was actually amusing to him.
âLeave me alone.â Bucky tried to push the shopping cart and walk away, but Ryan stepped before him.
âI didnât know your publisher lived in an office.â
âWhat are you talking about?â
âShe leaves you to go fuck your publisher. You know him, black guy, sexily built, very handsome.â
The words left Bucky feeling lightheaded as the world seemed to twirl around him. Could history be repeating itself? No, not this time. His girl was not like that.
âI saw her coming to his building with him.â
âHowâd you even-â
âI wait tables in the restaurant across the street from his apartment. I didnât know she was with you but damn are you lucky you met me today!â Ryan laughed insensitively.
âItâs probably someone else.â
âI think I know what your publisher looks like.â
âYouâre lying,â Bucky chocked out, trying to get out of Ryanâs way.
âYou donât sound so sure about that.â Ryan tilted his head again with a smug smirk, poking Buckyâs tummy, âyou know why? Because deep down you know sheâs too sexy for you. Because you look at her and then at yourself and you canât figure out why sheâd want you. Because you know that sooner or later sheâs gonna get tired of your fat ass andââ
âMy life now is none of your business, Ryan. You left. You chose to go, so stay gone.â Buckyâs weak voice interrupted, shutting Ryan right up before he sped out of the store, leaving the groceries behind.
âYouâll come back to me when you see for yourself!â He shouted after Bucky, but he didnât stop nor turn back.
The questions he had raised in Buckyâs head, Bucky had no answers for them himself. Why was this sweet girl with him? What did she see in him? Anyone who met them thought the same thing: they didnât belong together. So what did she see differently? What was Bucky bringing to their relationship? Could he even satisfy her? Could he keep her fulfilled?
He thought the days where Ryan messed with his head were long gone but he was obviously mistaken. Ryan could still easily hurt him. He could still make him feel as large as an elephant yet smaller than an insect. The dagger heâd planted was in so deep that Bucky couldnât feel anything but the pain the stab brought.
~
His exâs words plagued his mind. They took over and drowned out his girlâs voice, pushing it to the background.
All of a sudden, Bucky was very aware of his size, of the way the couch made the slightest sounds under his weight, and the way his girl could fit her whole self on one of his thighs if she wanted to.
âBucky bear?â A hand on his cheek pulled him out of his thoughts.
Suddenly, he hated the words she nicknamed him with. Bear? Is that how big she thought he was?
âHmm?â
âI was asking if you wanna go shopping for last minute gifts with me tomorrow,â she repeated, smiling sweetly, her fingers brushing a few hairs back and behind Buckyâs ear as she yawned.
Buckyâs new cookbook became a best seller after one week of release and the publication house was throwing the amazing chef a party.
She couldnât be prouder and she wanted to support Bucky all the way. She loved Christmas and now it was going to be even better with this event added to their memories.
She was going to go all out for her man and he didnât even know it. It was going to be a huge surprise and she couldnât wait to make it happen.
âYeah, why not,â Bucky replied, faking a smile back.
âWhat were you busy thinking about?â Her thumb traced his stubbly cheek as she frowned worriedly.
For a wonderfully successful cook, Bucky didnât look so happy.
âYou,â he answered with the truth though his eyes didnât sparkle like they usually would at the thought of her.
âWhat about me?â Her smile returned as she stared lovingly at Buckyâs face.
âWhy are you with me?â Bucky couldnât hide the sorrow in his voice if he tried.
âWhat?â She sat up straight in his lap as her face fell.
âPlease donât make me repeat the question.â
âBuck, whereâs this coming from?â Her hands cupped both his cheeks.
âI just donât get it.â He shook his head, swallowing as his hands removed hers from his face.
âDonât get what?!â She placed her hands on Buckyâs chest instead, refusing to let him push her away.
âWhy youâre here!â
âIâm here because I love you, whatâs hard to get, baby?â
âDo you really love me?â
This was serious. Sheâs never seen her boyfriend look so broken.
âJames, whatâs going on?â
âAnswer the question, plum,â Bucky requested, the back of his fingers stroking over her cheek, knowing this was probably the last time he would get to touch her soft skin.
âOf course I love you!â
âThen why do you leave me to go meet Sam and then lie to me about it?!â Bucky unintentionally raised his voice.
âWâwhat?â
There were so many emotions overwhelming her and none of them was pleasant.
She was shocked, hurt and dejected. Bucky has never raised his voice at her before.
 âWhat were you doing together last night? And the night before and the night before that?!â
âBucky, youâve got it all wrong.â She shook her head, heartbroken that Bucky would think of her like that.
âPlease leave.â He slid her off his lap and stood up, turning his back to her.
âBucky.â Tears pricked her eyes.
âLeave, plum.â
âBucky, me and Sam wereââ
âIf you wonât leave then I will.â Bucky sped to the door, grabbing his jacket from where it was hanged.
The last thing he wanted was to cry in front of her too. Heâs already shown his weakness once; never again.
âBucky!â
He ignored her calls, ready to run out of the door and let his legs take him far away where heâd have to hear no lies and could no longer get hurt.
âJames Bucky Barnes, donât you dare walk out on me!â She blocked the door, preventing Bucky from exiting the apartment.
Her eyes glistened with yet to be shed tears as her heart pounded in her chest. The mere idea of losing Bucky for any reason terrified her more than anything else.
She loved the man with her heart and soul and would go to the ends of the Earth for his sake. Why couldnât he see that?
âI didnât wanna ruin the surprise but⊠your book is a best seller. Me and Sam were planning you a party to celebrate. We figured if we met at the restaurant itâd ruin the surprise so I saw him at his place after work.â
Bucky stared at her dumbly.
âYou can call Sam if you donât believe me.â
âOh.â Bucky felt like someoneâs just dumped a bucket of cold water over his head; felt like an absolute idiot, âoh, plum.â
âIâm sorry I kept it a secret, but Iâm not sorry I wanted to do something nice for the man I love.â A tear rolled down her cheek and her lower lip trembled, âand Iâm really sad with you for stalking me and doubting me like that. I didnât expect that from you, Bucky⊠and Iâm hurt.â
âSweet plum-â
âYou can leave now if you still want to.â She took quick steps to the bedroom, leaving Bucky at the door.
It wasnât often that she and Bucky fought and it was never something that couldnât be solved within an hour. He could never bear to see her upset, let alone let her go to bed mad at him.
âPlum,â Bucky softly knocked on her door, swallowing the lump stuck in his throat, âcan I please come in?â
But this was big.
Bucky has doubted her love for him. He has insulted her loyalty and ruined everything because of his insecurities and the poisonous words of a man who never cared for him.
She opened the door for him in a heartbeat, her face soaked in tears.
âNo, no, sweet plum.â Bucky took her in his arms, praying to the deities she wouldnât repel from his touch.
âYou pushed me out of your lap.â She sobbed, her chest heaving and her forehead pressed to his shoulder.
His accusations hurt but the fact that he pushed her away somehow hurt her more.
Bucky couldnât help but let his tears fall as well.
How could he be so thoughtless? She was the one good thing in his life and he almost let her go. No amount of restaurants he could open could make him feel as happy as a smile from her would.
He could write a library and collect every prize ever known to humankind, and she would still be the best thing Bucky has ever won over.
âIâm stupid, baby. Iâm sorry. Iâm so sorry.â His hold tightened, engulfing her smaller frame in a desperate hug, âplease donât cry because of an idiot like me. Iâm sorry, sweet plum. Forgive me, baby.â
âWhyâd you do it?â Her sad eyes looked at him in question, full of confusion yet void of bitterness.
âI- sweet plum-â Bucky didnât know how to answer her question because now that he looked back, he could see how stupid it all was.
Why did he follow her for 3 consecutive nights while she went to meet Sam instead of just trusting her? Why did he choose to believe and trust in Ryanâs words and not her love for him? Why was it easier for him to imagine her with someone like Sam but impossible to think of her with someone like himself?
âItâs because Iâm a big idiot,â Bucky replied.
âBucky.â
âPlease forgive me, plum.â Bucky pecked her temple.
âTell me what happened.â She demanded softly, wiping Buckyâs own tears away and kissing his chin.
âNothing happened, sweet plum. I got inside my own head again. Iâm sorry, baby.â Bucky lied with a sad smile, too ashamed to admit Ryanâs words almost had him ruining the best relationship heâs ever been in.
She nodded understandingly, her hand cupping Buckyâs face as she rested his forehead on hers.
Bucky would tell her when he was ready. She didnât want to stay mad at him. She knew he had issues with self confidence and she wasnât about to make him feel even worse. He would come to her when he was comfortable. Bucky would tell her on his own.
âPlease stay.â She whispered, her teary eyes heavy with sleep, yet afraid to go to bed and have Bucky leave after.
âIâm not going anywhere, sweet plum.â Bucky kissed her forehead, taking her by the hand to their bed.
~
âYou know you can talk to me, right?â Her soothing voice whispered, filling the dark room.
Bucky was laying wide awake, Ryanâs words playing in his ears over and over again. What he did to his girl and how he made her cry. All the messed up shit he did just hours ago gnawed at him and took the sleep away from his eyes.
âI ran into Ryan,â Bucky finally replied, unable to sleep while heâs hiding something from her, âhe filled my head with thoughts about you leaving me for Sam, and I let him.â He admitted to the ceiling, hesitant to meet her eyes.
âI would never leave you,â she promised him without reluctance, cupping his face and making him look at her.
She wanted him to see all the love her eyes held for him with no shame.
âPlease donât. I will lose the weight, I willââ
âWait, what? He told you Iâd leave you because of your weight?â Both hands were back on Buckyâs cheeks, thumbs wiping under his eyes.
Bucky nodded.
âAnd you believed him?â
âItâs why he left me.â He shrugged.
âBucky,â she sighed.
âI know I know. Itâs whatâs on the inside that countsââ
âDonât talk as if youâre not physically breathtaking!â
âBabyââ
âNo! You have no idea how handsome you are, do you?!â
âPlum, you donât have to say such stuff.â Bucky shook his head sheepishly and regretted it when he saw sadness cover her delicate features.
She quickly shook it off, scratching her forehead before taking Buckyâs hand, helping him sit up in their bed.
âSweet plum, what are you doing?â Bucky asked when she started moving the covers down his torso.
âGonna love on my man. Would you let me, Bucky? Can I love on you?â she asked, her voice soft and sweet.
Bucky nodded, hypnotized by the adoration shining in her eyes and she started to undress him.
Her eyes never left his as she took piece by piece of clothing off, revealing his beautiful figure to her, her smile only faltering when she bit down at the sight of her man in all his naked glory.
Buckyâs body was lit up under the soft moonlight coming from the window, helping her appreciate every curve and inch.
This gorgeous human being was his and he was hers.
âYouâre so fucking sexy you take my breath away,â she moaned, slipping out of her own sweater, âand I donât just mean the way you make me cum so many times until I have to fight for oxygen.â She brushed her lips on his.
Bucky was speechless. He could only stare and try not to lose his own oxygen.
âKeep your eyes open for me, Buck.â She pecked his lips once and he opened his eyes at once, not even realizing heâd closed them in the first place.
She smiled at how fast he followed the instruction, leaning back on the headboard and licking his lips.
Buckyâs groan when her bra hit the ground made her giggle. She slipped out of her panties, leaving herself bare before Buckyâs eyes.
âCome here, plum,â Buckyâs arms reached for her but she shook her head.
âThis is about you, Bucky Bear.â
She climbed on the bed between Buckyâs legs, her hands wandering along his shins, thumbs caressing up his inner thighs. She bowed forward, peppering kisses on Buckyâs soft flesh.
âI love your thighs,â her lips moved higher and higher, the tiny kisses and nibbles driving Bucky crazy as he tried not to touch himself, âlove how thick they are. So strong. So perfect. I would ride them all day if youâd let me.â
Bucky whimpered when she accompanied the honest words with a bite, leaving her mark on his pale flesh.
âAnd that ass,â she moaned, her hands sliding underneath Bucky, pulling his legs up and cupping his ass cheeks.
Buckyâs shy gasp made her smirk. He was so precious she could eat him. Maybe she should some dayâŠ
She let Buckyâs legs settle back on the bed and kept kissing up and up, skipping his twitching cock on purpose and placing wet kisses on his tummy instead. Her eyes locked with his and Bucky bit his pink lip.
He looked so beautiful, blushing, disheveled and turned on like that. His pupils were dilated, his cheeks rosy and his breath uneven; she was falling in love with this chef all over again.
âI love your tummy so so much,â her tongue dipped in Buckyâs bellybutton and the flush spread from his cheeks and on to his neck and chest.
Another moan slipped from his lips as her warm tongue lapped at his skin. She was full on licking him now.
Her words were romantic but the way she was loving him was driving him insane.
âI love to feel it against me when we hug,â she kissed his right side, âI love when you let me rest my head on it and I get to hear you breathe and feel your heartbeat,â she kissed his belly, âI love how it warms my back when you spoon me. And I love feeling it pushing against my ass when you take me from behind.â She pressed a final kiss to his left side.
âMy favourite has got to be your cock though.â She gave his leaking dick a single pump and his hips were already bucking off the bed, âIâm a sucker for this cock, baby. Literally.â
Bucky was too busy whining when her mouth wrapped around the crown of his cock to call her out on her bad joke.
His whole body was on fire with need for her. He needed her to do something, anything.
âPlum, please. Let me get you ready. I need you. I need to be inside you.â
Bucky didnât want to cum in her mouth, not this time. He needed to be buried deep inside her and he wasnât sure how long he would be able to last.
âIâm ready,â she said, situating herself on top of his cock, rubbing the tip on her wet folds, letting out filthy mewls at the feel of him against the lips of her pussy, âalways ready for you, baby.â
Before Bucky could argue that he should at least make sure she was prepared to take him just in case, she was pushing the tip of him in, stretching herself out on his cock with her head thrown back and her mouth open in a silent scream.
âFuck, plum, so tight,â Bucky groaned, feeling her pussy grip every inch as soon as it disappeared inside her.
When she has completely impaled herself on Buckyâs cock, she stilled, taking a minute to get used to the stretch.
No burn has ever felt as good as the burn she got when Buckyâs dick split her in half. Getting opened on this cock was her favorite thing in the world.
She dragged her lips along his stubbly jaw as she waited, kissing all over his face, savoring the moment as sweetly as possible as if the head of Buckyâs cock wasnât almost touching up her cervix.
Her open palms glided from around Buckyâs neck to his shoulders and down his arms until she reached his palms.
âand those hands, I think you already know how much I love your hands.â She chuckled as she continued and Bucky nodded, squirming below her.
âI love when you hold my hand; makes me feel safe; chosen,â she rolled her hips, making Bucky groan wantonly.
âI love how fast you can make me cum on the fingers of your left hand.â She whined when Buckyâs hands dug in her sides as she moved on him, surely leaving bruises behind.
âFuck, plum-â Bucky was so close so fast and he wished he could last longer but the movement of her body on top of his, the words leaving her mouth and her walls snug around his cock were too much.
âI love you. Every inch, every part. I love all of you, Bucky.â
Bucky groaned in reply, chest heaving as he watched her take him.
âI love every part of you. I crave your touch like my lungs crave air.â
Bucky involuntarily thrust up, making her eyes roll.
âOh Buck!â she wailed, Bucky hitting her favorite spots so good.
He couldnât stop his hips from meeting hers every time she came down to take his cock over and over again, eyes glued to where he was disappearing inside of her.
âNothing could ever match the feeling of being filled up of you, Bucky.â
âI love you, plum ahhh fuck,â Bucky moaned, overwhelmed by emotions and ready to burst any second.
âI love you too, Bucky bear. Youâre my everything; my one and only.â She kissed him hard, thighs shaking around his body as she came on his cock.
Bucky couldnât help but let go himself, cumming harder than he has ever before, filling her up with so much cum until he felt it leak out of her despite having her plugged on his softening cock.
She moaned at the warmth of his cum, shuddering when it seeped out of her.
âFuck, plum,â Bucky sighed on her shoulder, breath still shaky.
She giggled shyly, burying her face in Buckyâs neck.
âWhere did that come from?â Bucky asked, cupping her cheek so he could look at her.
She was glowing, smiling at him so innocently as if his cock wasnât still buried deep up her leaking, pulsing pussy.
âFrom here.â She pointed to the spot between her breasts.
âRight here?â Bucky leaned forward to press a kiss on her hot skin, making her laugh as she nodded.
âI love you,â he whispered on her lips.
âI love you, Bucky. I love every tiny detail about you inside out. Nothing will ever change that.â She promised, seeing his eyes soften once again, insecurity dissipating.
âThank you, plum.â Bucky hugged her close, kissing her shoulder and the back of her neck.
âThank you for letting me show you how much I love you.â
âSo you love my cock huh?â Bucky teased.
âBuckyyyy,â she whined, trying to get away as her face heated up.
âNo, say it.â Bucky bit his lip, looking at her with a smirk.
âYou know I do. Stop.â
âNo, plum. I donât know anything.â Bucky shook his head trying to act serious, âsay it again.â
âIloveyourcock,â she mumbled, trying to take herself off his cock.
âWhat was that, plum?â Bucky thrust upward into her and even with a soft cock he could make her make the sweetest sound.
âHngh, I love your cock, Bucky,â she moaned, throwing her head back.
âHmm, how much?â Bucky swirled his hips, feeling himself get hard again.
âS-so much,â she admitted as his cock stretched her sensitive pussy.
Bucky held her close, turning them the other way around and gave a deep push when he was on top, his cum making the filthiest squelching sounds as she screamed an âoh godâ.
âSo much youâd let me take you again?â
âYes, yes,â she nodded frantically, not wanting the man to stop his thrusts.
And he wasnât going to.
Buckyâs tummy pinned her down as he pressed his lips to hers, eating up her squeals as he pounded her into the bed, showing her how much he loved her.
~
âSo you really donât care about my weight?â Bucky asked, supporting his body up on his elbows as he stared at her glossy eyes.
She could barely remember her name as she tried to come down from the other two orgasms Bucky has just given her, his body still on top of hers, but that wasnât a question she needed to think about the answer to.
âI only want you okay and healthy, Bucky. If youâre comfortable, Iâm comfortable. If youâre happy, Iâm happy. Otherwise, youâre perfect to me,â she told him with a shrug, pushing his wet hair behind his ears, âevery little thing about you is perfect.â
âI love you so much, plum.â
âI love you more.â She smiled, heart fluttering at the look he was giving her.
âNot possible.â Bucky kissed her lips, ânot possible, plum.â
~
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[ sometimes goodbye is a second chance ] j. hughes
paring : Jack Hughes x fem!reader
summary : Jack and his ex reunite at Nicoâs wedding, reigniting some old feelings between the pair
warning(s) : a heavy makeout session, mentions of injured!jack & hockey injuries
authorâs note : was reading something for jack then realized that itâs been a hot second since i wrote anything for him so thatâs how this lil thing was born lmaoo. enjoy loves
àŒșââââââââââââââââàŒ»
She wasn't going to go to the wedding. As a matter of fact, she made sure she had plans for that weekend that she was supposed to be in Switzerland so she could use them as an excuse to why she couldn't be there for the wedding.
Then Nico did everything but get on his hands and knees to beg her to come since she is one of his close friends. How could she say no to those big doe eyes that the captain of the Devils has? Even she's not immune to those eyes of his.
It's a beautiful day when she arrives for the wedding. Nico waits for her by baggage claim when she walks into Bern Airport after getting off the plane that brought her to Switzerland. She smiles and runs up to her close friend. Despite everything that happened right after the new year, she and Nico stayed close.
Well, as close as they could be while she was busy avoiding one of his teammates.
When she gets to Nico, she wraps her arms around him. "So happy you could come," Nico tells her as they back away from each other. "Mia is even excited that you're here."
"Nico, I can't ever say no to either of you," she teases. "I'm happy that I came too though. Forgot how beautiful it is here."
She grabs her suitcase and duffel bag before she walks outside to Nico's car. "So, all the guests are at the hotel already since the rehearsal dinner is tonight on the roof," he tells her as they load her stuff into the car. "There's probably enough time for you to take a nap if you want to take one since I know you're a big napper after you travel." She playfully punches his shoulder as soon as she's settled in the passenger's seat. "I'm just saying that you came in eight hours before the dinner so you have time to sleep if you want!"
"You don't have to call me a 'big napper'," she retorts with a smile on her face. Nico sticks his tongue out at her. "Oh, how grown up. Aren't you getting married tomorrow?"
"And my fiancé finds it cute when I stick my tongue out at her."
"Doesn't work on me, Nico. Hate to break it to you."
After about twenty minutes of driving, Nico pulls up to the hotel. She looks up at the building with a sigh.
The entire drive, her mind has been on her ex-boyfriend. She knows that he'll be here, but she doesn't know if he's already here.
Nico turns the car off as soon as he finds a parking spot. She sighs and unbuckles her seatbelt. She waits to get out though. She doesn't know how she feels about running into Jack, but right now she's very anxious.
It's not that they ended on bad terms. She just couldn't watch him keep playing and risking long term damage to his shoulder.
He kept forcing himself to get back on the ice before his body was ready and he wasn't able to heal correctly. She couldn't bear to watch him keep hurting himself, so she walked away.
Of course she kept tabs on him throughout the rest of the season after she walked away in January. It broke her heart to miss the Stadium Series game because she was looking forward to seeing both him and Luke play. She was ecstatic when she saw online that he was going to be getting surgery on the shoulder that he hurt in the game against Chicago.
She didn't reach out though. She didn't think she had the right.
"I know you're worried about seeing him," Nico states. "I made sure that your rooms were on different floors so you won't see each other until later. He, um ..." he trails off. "He tells me all the time how much he wishes he listened to you and let his body heal."
"He only keeps saying that because he wishes he never lost me," she comments as she blinks away the tears that have formed in her eyes. "I walked away because I couldn't keep watching him hurt himself to play a sport. I know he loves it, but he loved it more than he loved me so I walked away."
"He got surgery back in April," Nico tells her. "Before the season even ended to get a head start on his recovery. He started doing physical therapy two weeks ago so he's doing well. He'll get back on the ice in a month. I told him to take it easy."
A tear rolls down her cheek and she quickly wipes it away. "Why couldn't he just do this sooner?" she says. Her voice is so shaky that she can barely speak.
Nico grabs her hand. "He needed to lose you to realize that what he was doing was not okay," he replies. "I know how hard it's been for you. Both of you. I think that the two of you should talk this weekend. For both your sakes."
She shakes her head and looks at Nico. "I don't know if I can face him after walking away from him," she cries. "You didn't see the look on his face when I left the apartment that day, Nico. You didn't see how much I hurt him when he was already in physical pain. I don't know if he even wants to talk to me after that. I kicked him when he was already down."
He pulls her across the armrest and into a hug. She cries into his shoulder and grasps onto his t-shirt. "He's worried that you won't talk to him," he admits. "Just so you know. If you want to talk to him, do it. You both need some closure."
The worst part is that she knows it too. She walked away and didn't reply to a single one of his texts or calls. She moved to Philadelphia to her brother's apartment so she was just far enough away that he couldn't drive to her but close enough if something happened to him.
She never stopped caring, and she should probably tell him that.
With a nod, she pulls away. "Okay," she sighs. "I'll talk to him. Only if he wants to talk to me though."
â§ïœ„ïŸ: *â§ïœ„ïŸ:*
She doesn't talk to Jack at the rehearsal dinner. As a matter of fact, she doesn't even see him at the rehearsal dinner. There aren't a ton of people at the dinner either so she thought that she would see him. It surprises her that she didn't.
Getting ready the next afternoon though, she knows that today will be the day she sees him. At least she'll look her best when he sees her for the first time since she walked out on that cold January day. Same goes for him. Jack's always looked good in a suit and tie. She wonders which one of his game day suits he'll be in today.
Three rolls around and she heads from her second floor hotel room down to the first floor. She'd walk down the stairs if her feet weren't already killing her from the heels she has on.
The ceremony is taking place in the ballroom because of how many guests will be attending. The reception and dinner are taking place up on the rooftop at five so Nico and his new wife can get some pictures taken up there before everyone joins them.
Elevator doors open and she's met with the one person she's been wanting to avoid until the reception tonight. Jack freezes like a deer in headlights, but his eyes drink her in as she steps onto the elevator.
It's not like she's wearing something very revealing. The top of her red dress hugs her body, shoves off her curves, and pushes her breasts up a little bit. Her loose sleeves hang off her shoulders. The skirt falls to her knees and is kind of puffy.
"Uh, hi," Jack breathes out as the door closes behind her. "You, um, look good."
"Hi," she replies as she runs her fingers through her curls. "You too. Um, look good." His red tie with his black and white suit matches her red dress. Nico definitely told him what color that she was going to wear.
His eyes flicker down her body again and she feels self-conscious of the way her dress hugs her body. She crosses her arms over her chest and prays that the doors open soon.
Jack quickly picks up on how uncomfortable she is. "Sorry, I didn't mean to-"
"Stare?" she interrupts. "It's fine." The elevator dings and the doors slide open behind her. "I'll see you around."
She quickly makes her escape. Her heels are muffled by the carpet but she finds the room that she knows Nico is in.
After she knocks a handful of times, the door opens. Nico is the one that opens the door. He looks handsome in his suit and tie. He has a white rose hanging out of his flap on his jacket. "Oh, don't you look nice dressed up," she comments.
Nico rolls his eyes and lets her in the room. "Oh, shush," Nico retorts. She looks behind him as she walks into the room to and sees his older brother, his dad, Timo, and Jonas.
"Hi," she says to everyone in the room. "Just needed to come talk to Nico for a second. Won't keep him very long. I swear."
"What's going on?" Nico questions behind her.
She turns to face him. "I ran into Jack," she replies. "Wearing a red tie. Want to tell me why he was wearing a red tie when I'm wearing a red dress?"
He shoots her a smile. "Purely coincidental," Nico tells her. "He does play on a team that wears red and black so many he was missing the team when he picked out his tie."
"Nico Hischier, I'm going to kill you on your wedding day if you don't start talking in the next two seconds," she snaps.
âI donât know what you want me to say,â Nico laughs as he throws his hands up in the air in surrender. âI have no idea why Jackâs wearing a red tie. I didnât tell him what you were wearing if thatâs why you came marching in here to yell at me.â
She sighs and rubs her fingers through her curls. âOkay,â she replies. âI think Iâm just losing it or something. Kind of freaking out.â
âHave you talked to him?â asks Timo. She looks over Nicoâs shoulder to look at him. âI mean, it might solve that unresolved tension between you. Itâs so thick that I can feel it when heâs not even in the room.â
With a blink of her eyes, she says, âI canât believe I never thought of talking to him. Wow.â
Timo rolls his eyes and Nico takes over the conversation. âLook, I know youâre avoiding him because you think he doesnât want to talk to you,â he begins to say. âBut even Timo and Seigs can attest to this, Jack wants to talk to you. Seriously. Heâs nervous you wonât talk to him. Youâll be in the same area for the rest of the day. Please say more than just âyou look goodâ to him.â
She groans in slight frustration. âYou are insufferable,â she tells her close friend. âGood luck Mia.â
Thereâs laughter behind her as she walks out of the room to get to where the ceremony is taking place in one of the larger rooms.
Itâs almost like a very large conference room with a lot of chairs. There has to be nearly a hundred chairs in the room. She greets Nicoâs mom and sister as well as some of his Devils teammates.
Across the room, she sees Jack talking to his brothers. All three of them look very handsome. Thatâs when she realizes that Jackâs arm isnât in a sling like he was the last time she saw a picture of him. She was too shocked earlier in the elevator to notice that he doesnât have on a sling. His hair is a little longer than it was a few months ago. He smiles at something Quinn said.
She takes her seat right behind the Devils, sitting right behind Jack of all people. He sits between Haula and Merc.
When she goes to say something, the ceremony starts.
Talking to Jack is just going to have to wait.
â§ïœ„ïŸ: *â§ïœ„ïŸ:*
Thereâs an hour between when the ceremony ends and the reception begins so Nico and Mia can take pictures up on the roof. She needs to touch up her makeup since she decided to cry while Nico was saying his vows. Her best friend grew up so much since they met back at the 2017 NHL draft.
A lot of the guests have already made their way to the roof when she gets up there. She grabs a glass of champagne from a tray that a waiter is holding and takes a big gulp of it to prepare her for the night to come.
She spots Dawson, Luke, Jesper, and Simon all standing by the railing. No Jack so itâs safe to approach despite his little brother standing there. She hopes that Luke doesnât hate her guts for breaking his brotherâs heart.
When she approaches the group of Devils, Dawson gets excited. âOh my God, I didnât think you were coming,â he says as he drapes an arm over her shoulders.
âAnd miss a Swiss wedding?â she laughs. âAbsolutely not. I wasnât about to skip out on Nicoâs wedding.â The boys laugh, even Luke. Her eyes fall on the youngest of the Hughes boys. âAnd how are you, baby Hughes? Still settling in well with the team?â
Luke nods with a smile. âThe guys have been very welcoming,â he tells her. âHelped me out of that slump I was in.â
She mirrors his smile. âThatâs great,â she says. âGlad you were able to come in and get right to it. Being a Calder nominee isnât an easy feat so I wanted to come congratulate you on your rookie season.â
âThank you.â
Out of the corner of her eye, she notices Jack. He stands with Dougie, Dawsy, Haula, and Nico. Mia stands with her arm hooked with her new husbandâs.
Luke, Dawson, and Nemec all walk away to get another drink. Jesper stands next to her. âHow many times have you been told to talk to him?â Bratter asks.
âToo many so please donât-â
âIâm not. I was just going to offer to go get him if you did want to talk to him.â
She sighs and finishes her glass of champagne. âI want to talk to him but do you really think heâll listen to me if I apologize?â she comments.
âI do,â Bratter replies. She looks up at him. âI mean it. He has been kicking himself for months. I know he misses you. I donât know if he misses your relationship or just you in his life but he misses you. I think talking to him is worth it.â
She turns her head to look at Jack. He looks happy and she doesnât want to ruin that. âWhat if I just upset him?â she questions. âI donât want to ruin his happiness.â
âHeâs not truly happy without you,â Jesper says. âTalk to him. I think heâll listen to what you have to say. Maybe he will even offer his own apology to you. Iâll be right back.â
Then he walks away. She watches him walk up to Jack and say something to him. She stands straight up and sighs when Jack looks over at her. She puts a smile on her face and heads over to the group.
Itâs now or never. Itâs early in the evening so neither of them are drunk yet. Sheâs had just enough alcohol to give her the courage to have this conversation with Jack.
All eyes are on her, but her eyes are on Jack. âHi,â she breathes out. âCan we talk for a second? Please? Alone?â
Jack nods and hands his drink to Dougie. She shoots a smiling Nico a glare as she turns and walks inside so theyâre away from the prying eyes of Jackâs teammates and her mutual friends that she has with Nico. Theyâre all very nosy.
She finds a little room off to the side that she walks into with a sigh. She picks at the skin around her fingernails out of nerves.
This is truly it. The next few minutes are either going to make or break whatever relationship or friendship they have left. She bites the inside of her cheek as she turns and faces Jack.
âWhat did you want to-â Jack begins to say before she interrupts him.
âI want to apologize,â she quickly replies. âFor that night. For ignoring all your calls and texts after. I shouldnât have given you that ultimatum. Not at that moment, anyway. I caused you emotional pain while you were in so much physical pain.â
Jackâs face falls into a frown as she talks. He starts to shake his head the longer she talks. âNo, you had every right to give me that ultimatum,â he tells her. âI pushed myself way too hard and losing you opened my eyes to just how hard I was pushing myself. To what I was putting my body through. I didnât understand why at first but now I do. Iâm sorry that I saw that too late.â
Tears form in her eyes at the softness of his voice. She wasnât expecting this Jack when she talked to him.
âI thought youâd be mad,â she admits. âI thought youâd want to yell at me for walking away. For ending it.â
âI was mad,â Jack says. âBelieve me. I was so mad that I pushed myself even harder for a few weeks. Then there was setback after setback and I finally understood why.â
The tears that formed in her eyes roll down her cheeks, painting her skin black with eyeliner. She shouldâve grabbed her waterproof eyeliner but she didnât.
She stares across the room at her ex. Neither of them say a word for a second, before she asks the question she has wanted to know the answer to for nearly six months.
âWhy did you do it?â she asks. âWhy did you have to push yourself so hard and risk long term damage? Donât tell me itâs because you love hockey and put your all into the sport. You shouldnât have to push yourself to the point of surgery.â
Jack looks down at his feet and she raises her eyebrows. She presses her lips in a tight line as she waits for him to respond.
The answer she gets is not the one she was ready for.
âI thought that no one would care about me or love me if I wasnât playing hockey,â Jack mumbles. âAll anyone has talked about this season is me and my brothers. Hughes Bowl, me getting to 100 points after hitting 99 last season, whatever about me and Luke playing together. It seemed like no one would give a shit about me if I had stopped mid-season to heal. It seemed like everyone would write me off as weak or get mad at me for taking care of my shoulder. So I pushed you away and pushed myself to play until we got eliminated from contention so no one could blame me for missing playoffs. I didnât want to be the reason we missed playoffs, but it feels like I am anyway.â
She frowns at his response. She had no idea that he felt this way.
Thereâs some space between them so she takes a few steps forward so she stands in front of him. âYou could have talked to me,â she softly tells him. âI was willing to support you through whatever you needed to do to be healthy. Yet you seemed to care more about hockey than me.â
He lifts his head up and thatâs when she sees the tears in his eyes. She pouts at the sight.
âI didnât want you to see me at my lowest, and Iâm sorry for pushing you away,â Jack comments. âI love you and I didnât want you to see that side of me. I love you more than I have ever loved hockey. I shouldâve listened to you when you told me to rest and I didnât. I should have.â He pauses for a second and meets her eyes. âI never should have let you walk out that door.â
She reaches up to dry his cheeks when the tears begin to roll. âYou know that everyone would still love and care about you if you had just pressed pause on the season,â she tells him. âEveryone that loves you wouldâve supported you if you just let your body heal. No one likes seeing a player push himself to surgery. I would have stayed and helped you instead of loving and supporting you from afar.â
Jack leans down and rests his forehead on hers. His eyes are closed and her hands rest on his jaw. Her thumbs trace his cheekbones and her eyes remain on his face.
âIâm sorry,â Jack softly says.
âIâm sorry for walking out on you when you needed me,â she tells him. âI kicked you when you were down and it wasnât fair of me to do that to you. Iâm sorry I broke your heart.â
He wraps his hands around her wrists before he pulls them down so he can lace their fingers together. He doesnât pull his forehead away and she doesnât move either.
âYou never broke my heart,â he whispers to her. âI broke yours by choosing hockey over you. I never wanted you to feel like I loved a sport more than you and thatâs what I did. Itâs my fault.â
She shakes her head and pulls back. Jackâs eyes open and he looks at her. His blue eyes shine with tears. âEven after everything, I still love you,â she admits. âI donât believe that you can break my heart, Jack Hughes.â
He lets out a light laugh and shakes his head. âSame for you,â he tells her.
A small smile forms on her lips as she looks up at him. He lets one of her hands go to wipe away her tears. His thumb comes away black and he wipes her eyeliner on his black pants.
âCan I get a redo?â Jack asks. âOn that ultimatum that you gave me? I have an answer for you.â
She bites the inside of her cheek before she asks in reply, âIs it going to be me? Or is it going to be your career?â
âItâs you, baby,â Jack instantly replies as he lifts his hand to cup her jaw. âItâll always be you.â
The smile on her face grows. She licks her bottom lip as he pulls her in for a soft kiss. She hesitates for a second before she returns the kiss.
Jack drops her other hand so he can cup the other side of her jaw. Her fingers grasp at his open suit jacket so he canât get too far. She wraps her arms around his torso under his jacket.
He takes a few steps forward so her back is pressed against a wall. She gasps as soon as her back hits the cool, smooth surface, but she doesnât break the kiss. Jack leans down into her to deepen the already deep kiss. She presses herself flush against him.
His hands slide down to her waist before they slip behind her back. She feels his fingers graze the zipper and thatâs when she pulls back. âJack,â she sighs. âNot now.â
âLater though?â
âWeâll see,â she replies. âI think we should go back out. Iâm sure Nicoâs looking for us.â
Jack takes a few steps back to fix himself. She takes the moment to make sure sheâs presentable as well.
With a sigh, she grabs Jackâs hand and they leave the room. Their fingers are laced together as they rejoin the reception. âSo, how are we going to explain this to our friends?â Jack asks.
âWeâll just tell them that we got our heads out of our asses and apologized to each other,â she replies. âThat we still love each other. I think saying goodbye gave us a second chance to do this the right way.â
They turn a corner and find themselves back on the roof with the rest of the party. âIt did,â Jack says. She looks up at him. âAre you my girlfriend again? Or do I have to get down on my knees to beg you like I did the first time?â
She shakes her head with a laugh. âIâd like to see you get on your knees for a different reason so yes, I guess Iâm youâre girlfriend again,â she tells him.
Jack presses a quick kiss to her lips, but every single one of their friends has already noticed.
âAbout damn time!â Nico shouts from across the room. A few of the Devils cheer for them and she steps even closer to her boyfriend.
àŒșââââââââââââââââàŒ»
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