#IF YOU WONT LET ME FIX IT MYSELF. IM GOING TO BE ANNOYING UNTIL YOU FIX IT FOR ME!!

[i-am-a-fan]

when i submit maintenance to you, i promise im not doing it because i think you’re soooo pretty when you look at my pipe system.

[arodrwho]

disordered eating talk under the cut

hmmm. so i talked to psych about how i still cant fuckin remember to eat, and i mentioned how its a 3fold problem:

i do not rly register hunger signals until i am nearly starving. i just wont notice that i need to eat until i Really Really need to eat

if i set an alarm to remind myself to eat it is hard to stop what im doing to go get food. like come ON im busy just a few more minutes - [spongebob voice] 10 hours later

making food is just so many goddamned steps

and i think.. possibly he did not understand my first point and only processed the last two?

bc he said there is no medication to fix it and it is unfortunately just a matter of sheer perseverance and willpower, there is no magic pill to make me remember to eat, i just have to set habits and try my hardest to stick to them and not beat myself up about it when i fail, and he offered some advice and was polite about it and understanding about how difficult it can be but i just

i have tried these. theyre not consistently working. i know im always going to be consistently inconsistent, i get that, i have Done my research

and its true ig that i could stand to be kinder to myself about it but some level of concern is merited, like

when i went to see my rheum last she could tell just by looking at me that i had lost weight. and i didnt have a lot of weight to lose in the first place

[ngl she was kind of negligent bc she asked if i wanted to be weighed, i said i didnt care, assuming she say OK lets do it then since its relevant medical information and id just said i didnt mind, but she said OK then we wont worry about it, and then just put a note in my file saying id lost weight but id denied losing it intentionally. like.. if Anyone is unintentionally losing weight without making any lifestyle changes that should be concerning i think? mind you im pretty sure its only due to my shitty eating habits, so im not rly worried or anything, its more the principle of the thing. she should perhaps have done more than just go "huh. anyway bye" without even checking how much weight id lost]

...none of this was even my original point

my point was. i dont think he heard me right bc surely drugs exist that increase appetite? at the very least as a side effect i know thats a thing

bc i know for a fact when i took wellbutrin (bc my old psych wanted to try me on nonstimulants for adhd first) and that DID increase my appetite. it went from fully nonexistent "i will either feel mysteriously sleepy when i need to eat or just not feel anything at all" to "oh what the fuck is my stomach actually growling? it hasnt done that since i was a kid!"

is a shame it also gave me nightmares or id take it for that alone tbh, even if it did fuckall for my adhd

anyway. to conclude. @ psych ur advice was.. not exactly novel and didnt address the root problem of "hunger is such a tiny barely noticeable thing wven when i Do experience it [which again isnt til im starving] that its super easy to ignore when my brain goes hwwwrgh dont wannaaaaa"

case in point i CAN feel that i need to eat rn, just.. really not very strongly [is a mild physical sensation that comes without any accompanying desire to eat, vs what i know as actual hunger, which is a different and louder physical sensation that DOES come w the desire to eat] so ive spent the last half hour writing this post instead . like a fool.

i have pizza rolls literally RIGHT THERE [keep food nearby, he said. little snacks, he said] but i ate half [like. 7 of them] and then felt full. and now im feeling both full and like i need to eat which is really really annoying. @ body why are you like this

[ventcode]

psych ward journal

Day 1

I miss Paula I cry my tears for you I forgive you I always will I’ll do anything to talk to you my love I miss you, Dearie I love you.

Day 2

I miss Paula again It’s 6:30 AM, I miss Paula I love them so much I’ll find a way to speak to you again In this hell where they took me away from you

Paula, I’ll hold you close and never leave again.

---

I need to ask dad to bring my Pokemon manga today, passing the time is so boring.

Day 3

I have a new roommate! Their name is Ariel. They are really nice and we get along well. :)

I still miss Paula, I’ll see them again one day.

Dad came again, hes coming every day.

Day 4

Paula, Paula, Paula, Paula, Paula.

I miss him so much, my motivation, my everything, I need to get out of here.

They took me away from Paula, thats unforgivable

We will reunite.

---

Milo and Alper are trustworthy, I like them

My roommate scares me, I cant do this again

Deceive.

Day 5

get me out please. I have no reason to be here to you guys. I’ve been good, I’ve lied perfectly, but why can’t I leave? I’m perfect, so they trap me here longer? Let me out. Paula misses me, let me out of here, I’ll do anything just to leave tomorrow, I’m doing great in your eyes, I’m ready to leave so let me out. I’ll never do anything bad again, I promise.

I miss Paula

They took me away from Paula

We will reunite. I promise My love, just like I said to you

what they did is unforgivable, to take me away from my Darling like this, no access to you.

I love you, and thats why i’m getting out of here.

I PROMISE (promise is circled repeatedly)

---

I wanna talk to Milo and Alper, I’m bored and I like them, I’m still terrified and wanna go home, I don’t wanna be kept here longer, If I am, I’d rather be roommates with one of them, but I cant ask for that, but I hate it in here, and I’m uncomfortable with my roommate again because of what happened, so, maybe.

I’ll ask right now.

---

New roommate, Sherlyn, shes nice to me, everyone else knows what Ariel did now, but they don’t suspect I told on them, let’s hope they don’t find out.

I took an autism test also, I’ll tell dad about it when he gets here tonight, maybe I’ll tell him the roommate situation as well.

---

DONT EXPRESS SADNESS BECAUSE HES NOT COMING TONIGHT. HE SEES YOU EVERYDAY. YOULL BE FINE.

STOP CRYING!!!

Day 6

Somethings bothering me, I don’t know, I started reading a book today, that’s how bored and bothered I am. I like it though, the book.

My thoughts are finally getting to me again, what if everyone hates me or just pities me and pretends to be my friend? they wont care once I leave. I shouldnt care so much, I expected to be alone here anyway, I’m supposed to get out of here and talk to Paula again, to reunite!! I wasn’t supposed to trust people here, and now I do, and that scares me, what if im just pitied, annoying, too talkative yet so quiet, I cant do anything right. I see scars on myself I was too afraid to inflict apon myself, a person barely holding onto himself, but just lie.

Lie until you’re free from these invisible chains.

Milo - Trust Alper - Trust Sherlyn - Trust Ariel - stay away from Jada - acquaintance, nice Evelyn - friend Nico - acquaintance, afraid of Ava - friend

Maybe I should just talk less, just shut up, I was so good at it, why can’t I now?

Day 7

Something is wrong. I don’t know what, but the urge to hurt and isolate myself is becoming more and more, like I always cause a problem and I’m wasting space, everyone would enjoy themselves if I wasnt there. with my annoying voice and presence 

Scars im too afraid to put

A person barely holding onto himself

A scared girl who needs to see Paula.

I miss you.

---

Nighttime, I’m bored. Mom came today, so did dad, and grandma a small visit.

Hopefully I’m out Tuesday or Wednesday, or even Monday if I’m lucky. Lonely Sunday.

I’mm miss my friends here, but that’s okay.

Tomorrow will be better :).

I even fixed Paulas bracelet, I made it for them and one day he’ll recieve it

I love you Paula.

Day 8

they love me so much they simply wont let me leave huh. I want to talk to Paula again SO BADLY and cant. I need to leave. I’m “NOT STABLE ENOUGH TO GO HOME” shut up. Let me see Paula again. All I want is Paula. I can’t take another week here.

I want my favorite person

My Paula

I love you, I’m leaving cause of you.

Day 12

I don’t want to leave Milo, Alper already left and now Milo? I leave Monday, day 15.

It will only be a month right?

I’ll spend this weekend with him in full.

Everyone I end up close to gets taken at some point, but why now?

Day 13

Circle, scared. I dont know anymore, I want to leave so why am I afraid to leave? I have no idea. I feel as if something will be left behind when I leave, I don’t exactly know whats bothering me. Everyone seems to be managing but everything around me feels isolated. It sucks. I’m waiting for something to happen. this reality sucks.

---

Uncomfortable, a word I wouldn’t quite use, empty emotion, nothing too genuine, just smile and be nice until its too much and you start to cry, wait it out until you can fake it again, everything extreme or nothing at all. I need to leave this place, I cant wait for Monday, but I feel as if I will be leaving something behind, something important, but I don’t know what, and that confuses and scares me. I am unsure, I know I can be annoying, loud, clingy, but something in me doesn’t understand how this all happened. Atleast here, I didn’t expect to make friends or to trust.

to trust you grow attachment

attachment leads to discomfort

discomfort leads to something im not sure I like.

How do I stop the inevitable

I’m scared already because of trust and attachment

I hate myself.

---

I am too much, I understood that in the first place but the more I feel annoying the more it eats at me, the way I dont understand if someone’s joking or being serious, I don’t understand a thing when I should

It all bothers me when I should just be quiet.

Day 14

Bored, uncomfortable, left out and I feel quite weird, I cant wait for my freedom tomorrow.

Day 15

and now I go home.

[i-simp-for-gintoki]

Sanji and Ace meeting fem!s/o’s parents for the first time

I accidentally deleted the request like the idiot i am, so basically it was “Ace and Sanji meeting their fem!s/o’s parents for the first time, but the s/o gets upset at an embarrasing/mean thing the parents said towards her boyfriend(s)”

Sorry for the long wait! Time flew by way faster than i thought it would and i really struggled with this lmao. Hope this is to your liking! If not just let me know and i’ll do my best to fix it!

I didn’t rlly know how to end these im sorry, um i made sanji’s more angsty than needed because i just did but oh well

Warnings: like one swear word, your dad is kinda a dick and disapproving of your relationship in sanji’s

Portgas D. Ace

He would not dress up, instead simply putting on an unbuttoned shirt instead of remaining shirtless

He might- might take off the hat but thats only if you REALLY want him too

I think he would be pretty relaxed about meeting your parents

You on the other hand was not

I mean dont get me wrong Ace is a sweetheart and all, but he also can be pretty gross without meaning too

You two were planning on heading to your parent’s house so Ace could finally meet them, so in the meantime you told him to keep a few promises

“No using anyones clothing as napkins, finish chewing before talking, and if they say something that annoys you please don’t fight them.”

He’d give you a thumbs up and a smile as he said he’d keep the promise

So here you guys are, in front of where your parents lived

Knocking on the door, it only took a few seconds for them to show up

As Ace introduced himself he bowed and had a bright smile

Your parents smiled back and let you two in

So far so good

All of you were just relaxing in the living room, your parents sat across from where you and Ace sat

Your parents listened as Ace told a bunch of stories about his life, it mainly consisted of the trouble he’d get in with his brothers or how he met and fell in love with you but he was having fun sharing them

Your parents seemed to be enjoying his company and that made you happy

After talking for a while your mother decided to make a quick meal for everyone in which Ace asked if he could help a bit

Your dad decided to put him in charge of setting the table

He had almost dropped a plate in the process but he got it done and wore a proud smile

It wasn’t long until you guys began to ate and you could tell Ace was definitely holding back from how he usually acted

“Whats the point of forks when i can grab it so much faster using my hands?” he mumbled to no one in particular

What really surprised you was that he made sure to properly chew his food before speaking

You were really happy that he was keeping his word but sadly all good things come to an end

“Wow! Mrs.L/n your food is really--”

THUNK

He passed out.

He passed out face first into his plate and your parents could only stare

You could only sigh as you tilted his face so he doesn’t manage to suffocate

“Oh my, is he okay?” your mom asked in a worried tone and you nodded your head

“Ah yeah he’s fine. Hes a narcoleptic thats all. He’ll wake up any moment”

And not even a few seconds later, Ace straightened up and continued eating like nothing even happened

Your mother laughed

“Oh wow! He reminds me of a baby!”

“Mom!”

He rose a brow at the two of you, unaware of what you were talking about, food still smeared onto his face

You clicked your tongue and grabbed a napkin before wiping his face

“See he is like a little kid” she repeated and you rolled your eyes in response

Ace’s eyes widened a bit as he finally understood what happened

“Did I pass out again?”

“You passed out again.”

He rubbed the back of his head and gave an apology to your mom who in return laughed loudly

“Oh no worries dear, when y/n was younger she would pull countless all nighters and end up doing the same thing”

“Mooom stop it”

“Oh shush this is all light hearted fun”

As your dad started a separate conversation, Ace grabbed your hand under the table and smiled

He was having fun, even if you guys were being teased

Vinsmoke Sanji

Idk how i feel about this one rip

He was a bit nervous yet excited

He couldn't wait to meet the people who raised you, but he was worried if they wouldn’t like him

He chose to wear one of his best suits and cologne despite your protests

“Sanji its just my parents, you don’t need to be any more fancy than usual” “Nonsense, i should take it seriously so your parents can see im serious about you.”

He’d insist on making dinner for them

Once your parents arrive he puts on a charming smile and introduces himself

Skip to dinner, Sanji made sure to sit everyone down and serve them

Some nice small talk was made when suddenly one of your parents asks him if Sanji truly loves you

An instant “of course!” was heard from Sanji before he started listing hundreds of things he loves about you

Honestly he said a bit much since he strayed off from personality and perks to more your physical appearance and more

You had to kick his leg under the table to get him to stop

Your dad put his fork down and looked at you

“I don’t want you dating him”

“Can i ask why?” you ask

“Sounds to me your boyfriend is simply a pervert. He’s probably just after your body”

Now this Sanji got upset at but you acted first

“Seriously?? Did you listen to anything he said just now? Yeah he appreciates my looks but he clearly loves me for who i am, do you only hear things that make you upset or something?”

You were hoping it would stop right there but no, of course your dad had to say some more huh

“Isn’t he just some chef anyways? Its not like they make a bunch of money, he’s probably mooching off of you”

You stood up so fast your chair was knocked down

“How dare you say that about Sanji? Hes not just some chef, he’s one of the best out there. That doesn’t even matter actually, good chef, bad chef, he would NEVER mooch off of someone. Using people, especially women is completely against his character! Sanji has been nothing but nice to you tonight, and here you are completely shitting on him!”

You huff and wave your hand, mumbling how you wanted some fresh air before heading outside

It was only a few seconds before Sanji joined you

“How are you doing love?” He’d ask and you’d whirl around and face him in surprise

“How am I doing? Sanji they were saying bad things about you! Im SO sorry about that, my dads usually not that much of an asshole and-anyways, How are you doing??”

He’d chuckle and assure you he’s fine

“I’m not gonna lie, i was pretty upset when he said i was using you for my own gain. But seeing you stand up for me, getting upset for me really warmed my heart.”

He’d give you a hug while slowly rubbing your back

“But what do i do about him not approving? What if he says to break up??” you ask and sanji tilts your chin up towards him

“Who cares? We are all adults here, its not like his disapproval will suddenly stop the love we have for each other.”

You slowly nod at his words and he smiles before giving you a quick kiss

“Now lets head back in and finish dinner” “Oh but its going to be so awkward now”  you complain but you still walk with him back inside

When you guys return to the table, your mother shoves your dads shoulder which made him stand and walk up to Sanji

Before the blond can open his mouth, your dad is already apologizing

“Look, Im sorry about what I said. It was harsh and based on my daughters reaction, clearly untrue. I just dont like to see my kid grow up, much less dating someone. Just promise me one thing, Sanji. Promise me you wont break her heart” he says putting a hand out

Sanji gave him a nod and a firm handshake.

“I promise. I would never be able to live with myself if I did”

[lillsxd]

stupid project

peter parker x reader 

requested: no

word count: 1999

hey guys give me notes on what i should fix so i can get better thanks 

_________________________________________________

what does life mean? what is living? i ask myself that everyday. why am i stuck in this crazy world? “y/n, y/n hello. earth to y/n” i hear snapping out of my thoughts “yes peter” i look over to him sitting in his desk tapping his pen to his mouth. “we have to get started on this paper” the nerdy friend of mine rolls his eyes and sitting back in his seat. i let out a sigh.”Pete i know but i dont wanna its stupid and annoying and” i stop and look at peter confused. He is looking behind me and back at me like there was a bug in my hair. i was about to say something as the blonde teacher slaps two detention notes on my and peters desk. as she walks away.

he whispers “really y/n again” this was the second time this week. “sorry lets get started” i reached for the instructions on peters desk and he stops me. “you know i could just do it later” he scratched the back of his neck. why would he say that. does he not think i can do this.  know this is our last grade of the year and peter dont believe in me  “no” i say with no emotion in my voice. “but y/n-” “no” i cut him off and snatch the paper from his hand and write down what i need to until i get cut off by the bell. i grab all my stuff together and leave as quick as i can before peter can say something to me.

why would he? as i walk down to the hallway to the bathroom to skip my last class i bump into his friends. “oh hey y/n” Ned says waving. i ignore him completely, trying to hold back my tears running to the bathroom locking the stall. he dont trust me. why am i reacting like this i should be mad i should just brush it off. the bathroom door opened and i lifted my feet up so no one sees me in here. “y/n are you in here” mj says. the footsteps get quiet as i dont respond, looking under the door i see her shoes. they are boots with little chains on them her shoelaces are mismatched and she knocks on my stall door. i dont answer looking around the stall. ‘school sucks’, ‘BLM’, ‘spider man is soooo hot’, were written on the stall wall with different handwriting and colors. “y/n are you okay” she knocked again. “im fine mj just ate something that messed up my stomach” i wiped my tears and pulled down my hair to fix it so my puffy eyes arnt noticeable.                                                                                                                                                                                                      As i put my feet down from the toilet about to unlock the door she slides a drawing under my stall. “i know thats not the reason that your in here maybe this will cheer you up, and y/n if you need anyone to talk to girl to girl call me my number is on the back. and if its peter i will kill him. i will let you be but for real text me i am here.” she says walking out of the gross bathroom. the door shuts and i grab the paper. It is a dawing of me and peter. it looks like it took months to finish and i flipped the paper over and it reveled her number. I've known peter for years we have always been the bestest of friends until he met mj and started to hang out more with them. ive been alone most of this school year. in the begging of the class he wouldn't talk to me or look at me or anything. it was like he forgot i existed. i got cut off from my thoughts as my phone lit up buzzing. i opened it to see peter texted me.

Pete: y/n are you okay?

Pete: please answer me

Pete: do you wanna come over and do this project after detention? we can listen to your fav music and watch movies afterwards?

my fingers tap out a message ‘no i dont want to i just wanna go home you dont even tr-’ no i shouldn't say that. i tap on the screen erasing the message i try again ‘sure Pete meet you by the buses’ i type out.looking at my screen for a minute. he will probably just bale on me like last time. so dont get my hopes up. my thumbs tap on the send button.

Pete: okay meet ya, are you coming in the next class?

my face gets all red. i forgot i had two classes with him how stupid ill just tell him im busy or something. ‘no i got called to the office for something dont tell teacher’ i type thinking it was a great excuse. i reach for my bag and grab out my sketch book and flip to an empty page. as my pencil sketched away the rest of the school day peter wad in class writing my notes for me until the bell rang.

After the bell rang i got out of the stall reaching for my bag of makeup going towards the mirror. I see black running down my face and fix it. i get out of the bathroom and start walking to the detention room. Maybe it wont be as bad i thought it would. “y/n over here” peter calls sitting in a empty desk patting a spot next to him i roll my eyes and walk twords him. “hey y/n” peter waves and i just nod and sit down. as the hour of detention goes by peter looks at me time to time seeing me draw something in my sketch book. “hey y/n” he whispers and pokes my arm. i look at him. “i have to do a quick thing before we head to my house okay so just wait for me” he says nervously. “ok” is all i say before the teacher looks at us. The rest of the time passes i get up to leave shoving my book into my bag and walking out to where the buses would usually be. i wait. putting headphones in i play Shawn mendes. listening to music waiting for peter.

As time goes by to 30 minutes to an hour to two hours to three. i get up from my sitting position. he ditched me again. i feel tears hit my cheeks as i start to walk home. walking turned into running hearing leaves crunching under my feet. music blasting in my ears. why. he is probably with mj or Ned. why do i trust him. why did he pick me for the project. why would he. tears getting stronger. running not home just anywhere. my feet taking me wherever they want until i reach the woods. there was smoke and pieces of metal everywhere. i wipe my face looking to see if anyone needs help. moving pieces of metal and wood and i see a blue and red piece of fabric from far away. i run to it..the person is  trapped under a big chunk of metal. “s-spider man?” i question. realizing its him the hero himself. he looks over and sees my puffy red face and coughs a little not being able to talk. i look at him more closely he is all beaten up and dirty. he has holes in his suit and some hair poking out of a rip on his head only revealing the color of his hair. “can you grab a pipe and lift up the metal please” he says trying to deepen his voice. “o-oh yes of course” i say grabbing a big pipe almost to heavy to pick up and shove it under the metal. i try to push it down but it wouldn't budge. so i stood on it and jump and as soon as it lifted a little he managed to push him self out.

“thank you ma’am that i have no clue who is at all” he says in his deep weird voice as he nervous laughs. i furrow my eyebrows and nod “sure Mr spider man who saves the world” i laugh copying his obviously fave voice. he just sits there in silence and i turn on my heals to walk away “wait” he says in a familiar voice “i mean wait” he cuts himself off in a deep voice. i stop and turn around waiting for him to continue. “who ever you are running from he will come back just give him time” he says in his deep voice and starts to limp away and lift his arm up and start swinging away. what was that about and what was that terrible voice. and why did he seem so familiar?

I start to walk home forgetting about peter. after hours i get home seeing no car in the drive way. “looks like its a late night for me” i say under my breathe unlocking the front door and stepping inside. i throw my backpack on the ground and take my shoes off. my body hurts but i still manage to get up the stairs and going to my room. as i lay down on my bed my phone rings. i look at it. ‘Pete’ it says buzzing in my hand i answer it

“what peter” i frown into the phone disappointed and sad.

“y/n i am so sorry i ditched you i was leaving and i got a call from my boss and i had to come in im-” i cut him off  “peter its okay down worry about it goodnight” i say about to hang up

“wait can i come over i can explain everything so much better” he says nervously “ i guess peter” i say hanging up. ten minutes has passed and i hear a knock at my door. i run down stairs and open it to see peter. he has a big coat on with black sweat pants. he has bruises all over his fave and cuts. i gasp and grab his face “ OH my god peter what happened are you ok let me clean you up” i say grabbing his hand bringing him towards the bathroom “y/n im ok its just a scratch” he said squeezing my hand softly. i stop “i swear if flash did this i will kill him.” clenched my jaw, opening the bathroom door and making him go in and i close the door behind me. “no y/n it wasn't him i promise but i do have to talk to you” he says grabbing the rubbing alcohol from my hands. “well what is it peter? if it was about ditching me we can talk about it later let me-” he cut me off by unzipping his jacket showing me his suit “y/n im spider man thats why ive been ditching you someone very dangerous was out there today you helped me get out from under scrap metal today y/n” he says pulling out his beated up mask from his jacket pocket and looked at me.

i was just standing there looking at him in shock. “y/n?” he says “you are spider man?” i say in shock “yeah im sorry i didn't show up after school and been treating you differently” he said holding my cheek “parker is spider man” i smile “ i knew it” i giggle “your man voice is funny” i say looking into his eyes. he leans in “y/n” he licks his lips and looking at your lips and back to your eyes. “hm” i say leaning in to where our lips are almost touching. He kisses me passionately as i kiss back holding onto him. i pull away for air and i say looking in his eyes smiling...

“ive always loved you parker”

[tk-productions]

Mystic Sisters -Ch.7 More & More

Hikari’s Pov

“Why can't you just tell me?” Yua yelled following me into my room.

“There’s nothing to tell you.” I shrugged sitting at my desk trying to ignore my sister.

“What do you mean? You were hanging out with Haru and probably talking about me.”

“I have better things to do besides talk about you. Haru walked home with me because he saw me walking alone. I wouldn't have been alone if you didn't have to stay after school. ” I said rolling my eyes at her.

“Don't sass me. Tell me what you were talking about. And I don't want you hanging out with him.” she warned.

“Yua I don't have to tell you anything. Haru and I are friends. You can't tell me who I can and can't hang out with.”

“I'm not leaving until you tell me.” she replied, stomping her feet on the floor. I pushed her out of my room and into the hallway even though she protested.

“Now if you're done yelling at me I have homework that I would like to get done before dinner.” I shut the door, slamming it and walked back to my desk. I could hear Yua slam her bedroom door.

Geez what's gotten into her? I thought, sliding into my chair and opening up a box of Pocky. For some reason Yua has been moody and has taken her anger out on me every chance she gets. Yesterday she got mad because I used the last of her shampoo. Before school she was mad because I was wearing her jacket. And now she's upset because Haru walked me home from school.

“Haru you didn't have to walk me all the way home.” I said standing on the front steps.

“It wasn't a problem, it gave us a chance to talk. Plus I dont live that far.” That was true Haru only lived a couple blocks from us. Before Yua walked to where we were standing I could feel her presence.

“Why is he here?” she growled.

“He was just leaving.” I said giving Haru a look. He picked up on my signal and hurried home.

“Yua why are you acting like this? You've been getting mad at me all week for no reason.” she rolled her eyes opening the front door.

I kept trying to talk to her all week but it just ended with her getting mad at me. I started to think that I did something wrong but if I did she would tell me. Right? A few hours later I knocked on Yua’s door.

“Go away.” she said muffled from behind the door.

“Just talk to me please.” I pleaded. She opened the door and gave me a blank stare.

“Did you finally come to tell me why you were with Haru?”

“I told you earlier we walked home together. We stopped at the convenience store for ice cream but that was it.Is Haru the only one you're worried about? What about me? You know you haven't been the nicest to me lately.” I fumed.

“Hikari I don't want to talk to you right now.”

“The same way you wont talk to Haru?” I shot back.

“Why are you always bringing him up? Don't you think it weird you're still friends with my ex?”

“You're the one that keeps talking about him! You're obviously still in love with him.” I yelled.

“Hik-”

“No. Don't talk to me until you figure things out.” I walked back to my room and threw myself on my bed. I loved Yua but I hate when she acts like this. Angrily I grabbed my manga off my desk and read until mom called us down for dinner.

We ate dinner in silence besides our parents asking us a few questions here and there. I guess they picked up on our weird behavior when my dad gave a mom a look.

“Girls, is there something going on? You've been quiet.” Dad asked us. I shook my head no without making eye contact with him.

“Everything is just fine.” Yua replied, glancing over at me while angrily stabbing her chopsticks into her bowl of chicken curry. I pushed my empty plate away from me and stood up annoyed with Yua.

“I'm going to bed.” I hurried to my room before my parents could protest.

I could hear Yua go to her room a few minutes later. Maybe I could try talking to her tomorrow if she wasn’t still mad at me.

I woke up the next morning to find out that Yua had left for school without me. I guess she was really mad. I grabbed my backpack and went downstairs to the kitchen.

“Hi honey.” my mom smiled pouring herself a cup of coffee which was probably her second cup of the day. I smiled back and grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl.

“I'll drop your duffle bag at Hisako’s house on my way to work.” she pulled me in for a bone crushing hug as I tried to take a bite of my apple.

“Mom, I'm just spending the weekend at Hisako’s. You're acting like I'm moving out.” I say muffled. She let me go and laughed.

“Have a good day and text me when you get to Hisako’s. Okay?” I nodded and told her goodbye.

It was a lonely ride on the trade without Yua. When I got to school I peeked inside her classroom only to find she wasn't there either. I saw Hisako talking with a girl and when she saw me she gave me a warm smile. She stepped outside the classroom and ran over to me.

“Have you seen Yua?” She shook her head.

“No she hasn't come in yet. Is everything okay? Is she still mad at you?” I nodded and Hisako opened her arms for a hug. I hugged her back embracing her warmth.

“You didn't walk together?”

“No.” I sighed still in Hisako’s arms while she patted my head.

“Don't worry. She’ll talk when she’s ready. You know you guys always work it out.” I knew she was right. Hisako was comforting. She always knew how to make me feel better. I looked up at Hisako smiling at her.

“Aww you're so cute.” she cooed, pinching my cheeks.

“Why are you like this?” I winned trying to break free.

“Why are you so cute?” she laughed. A group of students walked past us and Hisako pushed me off as her cheeks turned red. I looked to see who the students were and turned back to her laughing.

“Did your crush just see you cuddling me and calling me cute?” I laughed again teasing her.

“Go to class.” she rolled her eyes, walking back into class.

I didn't see Yua all day. I tried texting her but I never got a reply. She was really ignoring me. I peeked over the students looking for Yua as I waited for Hisako by the front gate of school. “She probably went home. Is she really that upset with me?” I thought to myself.

“You still havent talked to her have you?” Hisako questioned. I shook my head and she gave me a reassuring smile.

“She’ll come around eventually. Cmon lets go get snacks for our sleepover.” she said grabbing my hand.

Yua’s Pov

When I got home the first thing I did was run a bath. “This calls for extra bubbles.” I yawned while grabbing the bubble bath from the cabinet. I stepped into the tub and relaxed under the warm water. I knew Hikari was hurt because I could feel it. Mom would say it's our twintuition. Maybe that was the reason we’re so close and why this isn't one of our normal fights. I know I hurt my sister. I sighed resting my head against the cold bathroom tile. Both of my parents were at work and Hikari was at a sleepover so it was just me and my thoughts. Those were the same thoughts that kept reminding me of how I've been taking my anger out on Hikari the past week. At first I didn't know why I was so upset. I finally realized it after our fight last night.

“Why are you always bringing him up? Don't you think it weird you're still friends with my ex?”

“You're the one that keeps talking about him! You're obviously still in love with him.”

When she said that to me I didn't want to believe it but the fight kept replaying in my head last night. That's when I realized she was right. I still love Haru and it hurts that he’s pushing me away. When I saw them together yesterday I was jealous. I was jealous that they were able to talk so easily like him and I used to. I got out of the tub and wrapped myself in my robe. After getting changed I sat on my bed with my phone in my hands. My fingers kept hovering over Hikari’s contact.

Should I text her? Maybe I should call? I don't want to ruin her night. Why do I do this to myself? I groaned lying on my bed, tossing my phone to the side. Hikari wasn't the only one I needed to call right now. It was Haru. Before I could call him I was interrupted by the front door opening.

“Yua come help me with the groceries!’ mom called from downstairs.

“Im coming!”

“Mom when is Hikari coming back?” I asked putting away the vegetables.

“Sunday. Why, whats up?”

“Nothing I was just wondering.”

“Is everything okay with you two? You've been acting weird the past few days.” she stopped and turned to face me.

“No everything is fine. She wanted me to help her with some homework but I guess Hisako can help her.” I lied. She nodded, probably not believing me and went back to putting up the groceries.

I guess I have to wait until sunday to fix this.

Hikari’s pov

Hisako sat in her bed as I laid in her lap watching a movie. “How many times are you gonna make me watch this?” I yawned, growing bored.

“You know it's our tradition to watch Mean Girls during our sleepovers.”

“Yeah but do we have to watch it 5 times in one night?” I laughed looking up at her. I got off her bed and dug through my duffle bag until I pulled out two sheet masks. I turned to show her and she smiled.

“Are those the ones with green tea?” She asked joining me on the floor. I nodded handing her a mask. It was quiet besides the sound of the tv playing or the occasional giggle from Hisako.

“I missed this. We should have our sleepovers more.” I said resting my head on her shoulder. She nodded in response.

The next morning I waved to Hisako and her mom as they dropped me back off at home.

“Mom, I'm home!” I yell entering the house. No answer. I placed my keys on the entryway table and called her again. I walked into the kitchen to see Yua placing freshly baked cookies onto a tray.

“Mom had a last minute work meeting.”

“Oh.”

“Cookie?” She asked, holding the tray towards me offering a small smile.

“No thanks.” I started to walk away when she called my name.

I turned back to face her. “What? Are you gonna yell at me because I didn't take one of your cookies?” She stepped closer to me and sighed.

“No, I made those as a peace offering. I wanted to talk to you...about everything.” I studied her face for a moment before replying. I grabbed a cookie off the tray and stuffed it into my mouth.

“Well it’s gonna take a lot more than chocolate chip cookies to win me over.” I mumbled. She laughed walking out the kitchen to the living room. I followed sitting on the opposite side.

“I know I’ve been a horrible sister and i'm sorry for that. No, not just that. I'm sorry for the way I've been treating you. I never meant anything I said. I was mad at Haru and took it out on you. Also I was jealous. I was jealous because you were able to talk to him while I've been trying to do that for months. I don't expect you to forgive me right now but just know I'm really sorry and most importantly I love you.” Yua stared at me the whole time with glossy eyes. I knew she meant what she said. I scooted over sitting closer to her.

“You promised that you would never let a guy in the way of our relationship. You broke that promise and hurt me but I know how much Haru means to you. I'm willing to forgive you for now.” she smiled at me for the first time all week before engulfing me in a hug.

“You're my favorite sister and nothing can change that.”

“Yua I’m your only sister.” I pulled away from her. She was back to being herself.

“When we were fighting I realized you were right. I still love him. I left early for school. I wanted to talk to him and work everything out not because I was avoiding you.”

“Did you ever find him?”

“No.” I groaned leaning on the back of the couch. “I tried looking for him all day only to find out he didn't show up for school.”

“Talk to him tomorrow no matter what.”

“I will. You don't have to worry about us.” she smiled reaching for a cookie on the coffee table.

“Yua the day you saw us together we were talking about you. Haru doesn't know how to be around you anymore. He doesn't know how to talk to you. He knows when he left he hurt you and he doesn't want to do that again.” she stared back at me with a shocked expression on her face.

“I would never do anything to hurt you. You know Haru and I are friends. I was just comforting him.” Yua pulled me into another hug but this time it was tighter.

“Wow I really am a bad sister.”

“No, I understand why you were upset. Just have a little more faith in me next time. Okay?”

“This is why you can't date until you're 30.”

“Yuaaa.” I winned. She let me go and stood up from the couch.

“Fine you can date when you're 29.” I rolled my eyes at her.

“C'mon I’ll treat you to dinner. What do you want?”

“Shabu-Shabu!” I yelled excitedly.

“I should have known.”

[weirdboy530]

Affection

The cavernous Library of the DWMA rang with the sound of nails rapping on wood. In the center of the library were tables were students could sit down and study, and only one student was currently present. Maka sat at a table, tapping her nails while deep in thought. Her thoughts were not focused on the textbook in front of her, but on the empty seat where her beloved should be. For the last week Maka had asked Crona to join her in the library to help her to study. Except, that wasn’t the reason she started these study sessions. Her real goal was to observe them, in the hopes that she’ll figure out a new way to show their love to them.

Maybe I could rub their stomach? No Crona’s not a Blaire. She sighed in frustration stopping her rhythmic tapping and began to pull and twirl her hair. It was not easy to show affection to someone who was denied to them their whole life. Their first encounter as friends Maka could see that Crona was not even use to simple interaction with other people, like shaking hands or keeping eye contact. But it became very apparent how little affection they’ve received, when she decided to introduce them to her friends.  The event had gone the same way it had for her, her friends had introduce themselves to Crona and  had offered their hand in friendship, and Crona had quietly thanked them and shook the the tips of their fingers. It was all going decent that is, until Patti introduced herself. “ I know our first meeting was pretty EXPLOSIVE”  she said giggling “but lets put that behind us and be friends”. And then she hugged them. Crona had screeched and jumped backwards landing on their butt. It had taken Crona  a full three minutes to calm down, and explain to everyone that they  got scared because they’ve almost never been hugged. And since then their friends have always been careful when showing their affection to Crona.

Wait Crona likes soft things, and they really like to …cuddle. So maybe…I should…wear softer clothing while we cuddle? No, that’s dumb. They probably wouldn’t even feel anything with their robe on. Maka was getting increasingly frustrated over thinking about how to show her love to Crona and wondering where they were. What’s taking them so long, they should have been here by now. She untangled her hand from her hair, then looked over the table and grabbed her pencil and began to twirl it.

When Maka realized her feelings for Crona went past just being friends, and had asked them to be her love, she wouldn’t admit it but the first few weeks felt like she was walking on thin ice. Crona started to become overwhelmed by simple interaction, that she thought they had finally gotten use to.  When they held hands Crona kept grabbing and letting go, unsure as if they knew what they were doing. When she would cuddle up to them they became rigid and awkward. Soon she feared that maybe they didn’t want to be with her, and had only said yes because they were to afraid to say no. So eventually she confronted them and asked why they were acting the way they were.

“Well I guess its because everything’s different now. Your not holding my hand or comforting me because your my friend and you feel bad for me, your doing it because well…you love me.”

Maka scolded herself for not realizing it sooner, but was glad Crona was happy. Eventually Crona got use to the idea of being Maka’s love and started to act like they use to.

I whisper in their ear to calm them down and im sure they like it, I think. So maybe I should...talk sexily into their ear…no. Maybe I should….nibble on…no maybe lick….no……. Maka loudly groaned in frustration. Crona where are you?  She stopped spinning her pencil, which she had been twirling furiously, brought it up to her mouth and began to chew on the eraser. Thank Death there’s no one around to see this.

“Maka im s-so-sorry im late” said Crona, startling Maka so much she bit down on the eraser head.

“ Oh dead Maka are you ok?” they said as they rushed to her side as she was having a coughing fit.

“Yeah im-“ she coughed, then spat out the eraser “-okay. What took you so long?” she said trying to pretend that she didn’t just spit out an eraser.

“Ragnarok got into a fight with Black Star over who was more infamous.”

“Really who won?”

“No one thankfully. Tsubaki managed to convince Black Star that it was best he wasn’t known for his infamy.”

“So what happened to Ragnarok?”

“He got angry that Black Star wouldn’t fight him. so he said he was gonna sleep it off.”

“Good we can study in peace.” She grabbed their hand and led them towards the table.

“Sooo…the new material must be hard to understand.”

Maka gave them a confuse look and was wondering what they were talking about. Crona then bent down and grabbed a chewed pencil and an eraser head, then gazed at her left pigtail which had almost come undone.

She hurriedly grabbed the pencil and eraser and began to franticly to fix her hair. “Maybe.”

Without saying anything they motioned for her to sit down, they took out their textbook and then moved their hand towards her.

“…Thank you Crona.” She grabbed their hand and moved her fingers against theirs and began to bend and twist their slender digits. Now I can concentrate.

Whenever Maka got frustrated, nervous or couldn’t concentrate her quirk would pop up. None of her friends knew about it, not even Soul, because she knew that her habit’s can be distracting, annoying, and sometimes gross. She actively avoided doing in front of her friends, that is until Crona came along. She knew that Crona wouldn’t judge her at all for her strange habits and had started to let quirk show whenever the two were alone. One day the two were working on essay in Maka’s room and she had gone through all her routine. She tapped her fingers until the sound annoyed her. She had played with her hair until both pigtails had come undone. And she had spun her pencil so fast it flew out of her hand and disappeared.  She looked everywhere in her room to find something to help her concentrate, till her gaze stopped at Crona’s hand. Without giving it much thought, she grabbed their hand and started playing with it.  She would rub her thumb and fore finger against their knuckles, twist pull on their fingers until she heard them pop, all the while stealing glances at swordsmen. But  they weren’t reacting at all.  Eventually this became part of Maka’s strange habits.

Their hands have really gotten callused. Must be from swinging from swinging Ragnorok around. Their muscles must be so sore , they probably….wait I know for a fact Crona likes it I rub their back. So maybe I could give them a back massage. Yes! That’s it. Its not to invasive so they wont be overwhelmed by it and it will help them relax so they’ll actively want it. Yes that’s it! I have to test it out immediately.

“Crona, lets go.” She said grabbing her textbook and other belongings.

“But I just got here.”

“ I know, but after having to sit in that chair for so looong by myself I really just want to relax.” She replied trying to hide her smile.

“Okay, lets go.”

“Great lets hurry.” She pulling them behind her.

Maka had been so focused on her thoughts that she didn’t notice Crona’s usual expressionless face had the smallest of smiles. Without even knowing it Maka had a long time ago had been showing their affection towards Crona. What she had assumed was Crona letting her clear her mind, they saw this as act of trust and love, solely from the fact that they knew it was an act they only ever shared with them. When Maka had first started playing with their hand they thought nothing of it at first, they had seen other people do similar things before in school and assumed it was normal. It was when she never did it in public did they began to wonder if it was something more. Whenever they were with friends and she was visibly frustrated she would clench her fist, she let her gaze wonder and fidgeted in her seat, do pretty much anything except play with her hair or tap her nails. Once when they were in class they had even given her their hand and she had just held it, she didn’t bend their fingers or pop their knuckles, she just held it. Crona realized then that Maka only ever does her routine alone, or with them. So finding out that they shared a secret act with his beloved had filled them with joy and content.

“Come on Crona if we hurry there might even be a surprise waiting for you.”

“Wait. What surprise?”

“Hurry up and find out.” She said as her cheeks redden with the idea of what she was going to do.

[onlyjihoons]

collegebf! daniel

a/n; happy birthday to kang choding hehe,, dedicated for my dearest mother @mongniel aurora until she disowned me so im trying to validate myself and also the loyal mom, ariane @deepdickdaniel

(repost bc the tags werent working)moodboard will be uploaded in a seperate post soon!

major: vetinary

minor: sports science

honestly took up vetinary bc of peter and rooney

so he could save on the fees to the vet

though he puts up a strong front he is often a kultz and actually really soft??

likes kids too and often swings by the early childhood department to visit minhyun

but let’s face it, animals like him better than the babies do

has a phobia of insects, especially flying ones

hence cant join practical lessons that involves specimen or live insects

his classmates would be kind enough to share with him the notes they took in class, but he would rather fail the topic than look at notes of insects

there was once his friend, ong threw a fake spider whilst daniel was studying and he screamed, pushing off the seemingly 1 ton table and chair away from him

ong was like,,, “are you sure he wants to be a vet next time”

despite his phobia of insects, he will actually grin and bear it when he needs to remove lice from animals

red bull and gummy addict, but more likely to die of shock from insects than diabetes

you will always spot a can of red bull on his lecture desk, and bet 10 bucks it has a love note attached to it from his admirers

fairly popular in school, because a soft, tall and cute guy doing vetinary?? he just screams boyfriend material in that white lab coat

and glasses slipping down his nosebridge just makes him look even more cuter

loves dancing as a hobby so he took it up as his minor

does b-boying and modern dance, looks equally hot in both

when the school hall is filled with girls, it is either some kpop boy band is performing, or daniel and his dance group, wanna one are performing

has so much charisma in his dancing, the idea of “cute daniel” gets thrown away

but a cute bunny most of the time who is addicted to gummies

surprisingly, hasn’t dated a lot as contrast to rumours that he’s a fuckboy

he really hates fucking around with others’ feelings… despite being choding(childish) around his hyungs of wanna one

meanwhile you,, a medicine student trying to keep up with the expectations of society

to be honest, you’re doing well

but not well enough to enter the top hospitals of seoul

and you’re here on scholarship anyway, might as well make use of it to make your parents proud

you’re your parents’ only child too, the pressure to do well is also quite high

you barely dated, the only time was in high school where you were a foolish teenager dating your best friend

you did have classmates confessing to you though, but everything stayed platonic

they weren’t upset surprisingly, they were more than willing to be friends with you too

eventually they found their other halves, but are still good friends with you

you were glad guys in your faculty were understanding,, unlike some that disliked you after that

you were friends with jaehwan, your old friend since the both of you were in diapers

he took up music, and ended up having lots of college scholarship offers

he eventually went to your college, despite it not one of his first few choices

“my friend would die a lonely virgin if i didnt help her with her love life”

“shut up jaehwan, 80% of your girlfriends broke up with you because your laugh is annoying”

“i dId NOT aSk for this sLaNdEr”

anyway, you had no idea how jaehwan ended up in wanna one(and daniel’s roomate), depite his “boom boom-bastic” dance skills

winkwonk

but that boy’s vocals can reach to the gods in heaven and appease them

he tried to matchmake you with all of the members of wanna one(excluding the minors of course) but it all failed because your friend was the worst at being discreet

the lords of venus eventually shined upon you when daniel was sent to your faculty for “emergency” treatment

“y/n,,, we need you to fix daniel, quick.” jaehwan said breathlessly over the phone

“if he needs a one night stand, im not an option, you know that, kim jaehwan.”

“no, that stupid boy accidentally cut himself while trying to disect a frog… and he’s bleeding a lot.”

“oh the flower boy from vetinary?” you nodded as you took your first aid kit, “but you aren’t even majoring in vetinary, jaehwan, what are you doing with daniel?”

“he called me to call you– ok nevermind, i’ll explain to you later, we’re on our way to your faculty. wait for us outside the medicine labs.”

“uh okay.”

so there you were, waiting outside the medicine labs with your first aid kit

seconds later, you saw 3 boys running towards you, one visibly taller than the other 2

you could finally make out their faces, it was jaehwan, daniel and another boy, wonwoo whom you were friends with due to jaehwan’s failed matchmaking

“y/n,, i think daniel is gonna suffer from anaemia…”

you tried to stifle your laughter as you examined the cardigan wrapped around daniel’s hand

“he won’t. don’t worry.” you assured them as you unraveled the cardigan, “let’s just hope it’s nothing too deep…”

when you revealed the wound, it was just a minor cut, though not as minor as a paper cut but definitely bleeding

you glared at jaehwan, who smiled sheepishly and resigned to his death after you treated daniel

you dressed the wound quickly, lips pursed in concentration

what you didnt notice was daniel’s gaze, which was on you the whole time

he had a weird feeling in his stomach, he wanted to use his other hand to run it through your hair

he tried to shake it off, but he got more and more attracted to you when he saw your eyes meeting his to make sure he isnt uncomfortable

this wasnt the first time daniel saw you though, he often saw you on jaehwan’s lockscreen, as your friend had set the selca both of you took as his lockscreen

as much as daniel wanted to meet you, he didn’t want to give you the wrong impression because of his rumours

and now he finally did, but he was pretty sure you’re gonna hate him for being over-reacting

“done,” you patted his dressing and pushed his hand towards him, “it’s nothing too deep, don’t worry. but make sure to take it off when you’re showering, if you need any help just give me a call.”

daniel shot you one of his signature eyesmiles, “thank you so much, i’m sorry i had to make you rush down for me…”

“no its fine! just call me whenever. i hope you get well soon.” you smiled, then tiptoed to daniel’s ear, “just don’t tell jaehwan though, he can be a little, nosey.”

you were lying if you said daniel wasn’t attractive and totally did not win you over with his eyesmile in the span of 3 seconds

“and kim jaehwan, you owe me a meal. for helping your friend and putting up with your drama.”

at this point, daniel was totally smitten

everyone could see it, even the members of wanna one started teasing him about it

“i can set you up with a date with y/n if you want–”

“no i dont like her peter and rooney are my girlfriends”

daniel totally did not ask almost everyone in his faculty for your number

when he finally had the guts to text you, he was all giddy when you replied, jumping up whenever he heard the personalized notification just for your contact

meanwhile, while you were talking to daniel, you really loved it when he talks about animals, it seemed like all time has stopped in the world and his passion for taking care of animals is just so attractive

and he didnt seem like the usual fuckboy everyone perceived him to be

one day, daniel asked you out for a pizza date, and you immediately agreed

because free pizza and a cute date, why not

the both of you ended up going to laundry pizza, just bc daniel said ioi went there to take their album jacket photos there LOL

but the pizza there was good so you weren’t complaining

daniel ended up paying for the both of you, after 15 minutes of rentless argument over who should pay

the both of you also went to the arcade, wasting your money on those claw machines

you didn’t get anything, but you had fun throwing airballs at the basketball machine thingy

daniel walked you back pretty early, because he knew you had a morning lecture the next morning

not gonna lie, you wanted to stay longer but daniel was not gonna have any of it

daniel walked you till your doorstep, and your hands were fumbling through your purse for your keys

looks like someone forgot their keys,,,

you laughed humourlessly as you tried to open the locked door, but only for daniel to giggle along with you

your roomate was out too, and she wouldn’t be back till the next morning

“i dont think its safe for you to be sleeping outside, why dont you stay over at my place?”

“im–”

“ok let’s go”

you didnt even say anything and here you are, at daniel’s dorm, unsure of what to do

just watching daniel hastily clean up his dorm is quite amusing

“jaehwan wont be back till really late, he has an event to attend to.” daniel smiled as he proceeeds to kick the sweet wrappers under the sofa, “i’m sorry you have to put up with this, y/n.”

“no, no, thank you for letting me stay here, or i’ll be freezing in the cold right now.” you shook your head, yawning

“do you want a change of clothes? i have a hoodie you can wear…hopefully”

you never knew you would be staying in daniel’s dorm, on his bed, in his hoodie

until today

you slept fairly well, with daniel’s scent invading all your senses

until you felt something on your foot

you woke up, scared

the thing kept probing at your feet, and soon it was licking it

you screamed, and soon enough daniel ran into his room to see what happned

“y-y/n?” he rubbed his eyes as he turned on the lights, “what happened?”

“s-something was at my foot”

daniel moved the sheets, and he found rooney peacefully sleeping on the foot of the bed

“i’m sorry, rooney always likes to invade the bed in the middle of the night,,, i should’ve told you earlier”

“it’s fine, i was just too shocked hahaha”

silence

“maybe i’ll sleep with you, so peter and rooney wont disturb us”

you stared at daniel, as he quickly waved his hands, “no, no, i wont do anything, i swear, you can end me if i do.”

neither of you could sleep, so daniel nudged you

“y/n… i know its weird to say this but,, i like you”

well that was really weird

“i don’t expect you to accept me and all but i just wanna let you know that i–”

you cut daniel off with a kiss, as he sneakily snaked his arms around your waist to bring you closer

after a good like, 20 seconds, you pulled away, “me, rejecting kang daniel?? no way.”

ever since the both of you started dating, jaehwan started to brag about himself, saying that the both of you were a couple thanks to him,,,

but would shut up immediately after he sees you in the vicinity because he would be running away from you

a very cute relationship, daniel would always wrap his arms around your shoulders and snuggle you close to him

instant ramen dates are a big thing and you always have to clean up after daniel

but he helps of course, after hearing you nag at him for the nth time

he would always make you a bento before your papers, with a note that says, “with this bento, you will do well! fighting! love, daniel”

and vice versa, you would bake him muffins too

sweetest boyfriend, but the type to say pick up lines to annoy the heck out of you

they arent even smooth, theyre hella bad

and yes, kang choding still exists

you have to physically stop him from buying/eating more gummies or his teeth would rot

since daniel is relatively bigger in size, you would always steal his clothes and he would always wonder how his clothes would mysteriously go missing

he would know the answer when he sees you the next morning

the whole campus ships the both of you sm

please love kang daniel

[shytiff]

Feb 2021 Wins

1 - osce study with clara almira, tryout 9 fkui, tryout review with clar, study sesh with clara that finished at about 10 pm. watched some youtube vids together til 11:15 pm. no longer sleepy, so i made my cv and finished it at about 3 in the morning lmao, bcs i saw this interning opportunity and i was like “damn i should make my cv”

2 - woke up at 7 am, didnt shower lmao, off to kiara for vaccination. Waited for a bit and i finally got it. ate mamdaging pesto rice with beef at kamkan w/ ren ness ara akisyah. talked at studied osce a bit. waited for mom to pick me up. until when do i need someone else to pick me up. i feel helpless and i hate that i cant just ride my motorbike because its too tiring. went back and dad got mad at me bcs i didnt greet him when leaving and entering the house. I truly didnt see him when i entered even though i heard sumn lmao. He said sumn along the lines of "you can always leave if u dont like me" (which is lowkey appealing). I cried bcs i felt sad and annoyed with our terrible emotional parent-daughter relationship. Hold the tears for a bit to study with clara. Darkened the room and slept still in my going-out clothes. I did not shower today lmao,,,,

3 - woke up at 10 am. Tryout and review w clara. Psych coaching. Psych practice with irun. Called lau and dajen bcs hes leving to medan. Randomly checked my email and my intern submission, which i emailed yesterday, that turns out the doctor replied at 8pm yesterday asking for interview today 11 am. And i saw it @ 6 pm. Aka super late. The stupidest thing ive ever done in FKUI. No cap. :( i panicked and it gave me a reason to talk with dad (asking how to reply) so i guess its a form of effort to banish the awkwardness between us. Studied w clara. I hope the doctor can forgive me. Its one loose end after the other lately.

4 - went to starbucks with atikah. got treated matcha latte yayy. cicil osce. called clara to learn imunisasi. went to kaleyo w atikah clara, ate bebek muda cabe ijo yumm. talked abt a lot of things in a span of 1-2 hours. we’re all pragmatist lmaoo. 

5 - osce briefing, DV osce practice w irun, watched run bts again lmaoo since knowing my osce schedule is thursday. read buku osce biru. 

6 - slept and lazed around til 1 pm. went to flavola since the construction was so noisy. osce simulation with UKMPPD Wibu. turns out flavola’s siomay is very fulfilling.

7 - todays construction noise escape is jco. Bought jcool double with almonds and chocolate crunchy. A bit of psych practice w aisyah. After maghrib practiced neuro w irun

8 - had no mood to study in the morning. Went to flavola, kopsusss coklat as usual. Reviewed osce materials (theres some tea about what might come out). Reviewed again at home (even tho i procrastinated from 6-9pm). Asked my bro for some ovo bcs i bought a mini keyboard in tokped lmaoooooo so random

9 - went to merra (ara and nessa’s place) but mom drove dad to the airport first. stome osce study, group consolidation for osce, tried mad bagel (the garlic cream cheese and tuna salad). the bagel was quite dense and fulfilling. the garlic cream cheese is quite heavy. arrived at home by 9 pm, went straight to sleep

10 - omg dr eva contacted me again :”) and i got the chance to be ecmocard research assistant. osce study. line call with ara. matcha latte. studied in juan’s room bcs it was so noisy. the keyboard i ordered arrived lolll cant wait to try. i dont know if its the anxiety or fear but i cant sleep and forced myself to sleep 11pm-ish

11 - osce. Went early to learn sumn more w ara tri. Osce (i forgot opv for the 5 mo old baby in peds station 😭 there was dr yogi omg) prayed zuhur and ashar in merra while waiting for pick up (i rly wish i could just bring my own vehicle but motorbike is rly tiring). Finally tried the mini keyboard, with earphones on. Practiced the song aku bukan untukmu by rossa lmao bu sihar taught us that in 33. I felt rly excited and not sleepy afterwards (that "normal" feeling with nothing looming). Its been a while since i tried something new, voluntarily. I guess its kind of what i felt when i tried the korean duolingo. That lasted for a couple months. Lets see how this keyboard thingy goes

12 - finally finished reviewing to oneshot (took ages lmao). Lazed around

13 - inten ukmppd w ness ren ara @ merraaa always. Went through 5 pdfs. Tried fastfit chicken burger and sweet potato fries. Quite fulfilling. Went back home and straight to bed (didnt eat anymore)

14 - started my day late as usual on weekdays lmaoo. flavola kopsus coklat as usual at my usual seat facing the window. did padi final tryout, score: 69. booty call with fianti, did mindset tryout, got 76,5.

15 - lazed tilll i start my day as usual @ 11-ish. Reviewed to padi final answers. Wow it sure took some damn time. My attention span is rly horrible when im alone in my room

16 - second dose of vaccine today. the rain was POURING. mom and emir waited in mcd. read half of aipki citation. 

17 - finished aipki citation, read CBT 2020 batch I and 2019 batch III questions. read a fantastic slow burn dramione fic. reviewed the last to solid.

18 - accompanied clara for swab antigen near airport train station (we came with motorbike since clara’s car was used). got called over by the police bcs we were in the car-only road lmaooo. went over optima tryout 2021. 

19 - cicil ukmppd at flavola with the usual menu, read some more afterwards

20 - ended up going to tamel bcs the flood in tb simatupang toll. Stayed w nessa and henny. Ate garlic carbonara spaghetti by bittersweet najla. Quite good for the price. Went over mediko questions with nessa and first session citation. Atikah sent some krispy kreme donuts 🥺🥺

21 - woke up at 4 bcs henny and nessa already did. Ate cold kanayam for bfast. Did ukmppd. I flagged quite a lot of questions huaa. I hope i can pass, aamiin. Went to tamel to get stuff (nebeng oca uye), climbed jembor to get to akis et al. Went to aeon (super crowded tffff), followed by ikea (parked at decathlon). Ate at both places (shared portion w kris lmaoo we get full quick). Aeon sushi and ikea meatball. So fulll. Went out of ikea to be briefed by dr Debby (ecmocard) and put my stuff to mom's car. Went in ikea again. And finally we went back. such a good sleep yall

22 - relaxed and i mean RELAXXXED. woke up and slept again. showered to prepare to go to harkit for intern briefing. i was late (thanks daan mogot road) and had to grabbike from untar. put on some sheet mask (natrep rose) bcs im realizing i need to fix my face and look decent for this new environment lmaoo.

23 - left home at 7 am, went through highway (i aint repeating daan mogot tragedy again). walked a bit backwards bcs the hightway exit was infront of dharmais. super slow progress on entering medical datas. took half a day to get one. and another half for the other. ate marugame udon, somay, chicken katsu and otak otak. we finished after maghrib and im writing this while waiting for mom

24 -  tried salted egg dori rice from salt inc. its quite salty and eneg inducing (a bit more than eatlah), but for the price (19k after cashback) i wont complain. Went back home before maghrib but there was still some medical record stuff i did in my room.

25 - magang as usual. Tried chicken egg salad from salad hut. Bought ice french hazelnut coffee from lawson coz i just cant take it anymore (the slump and sleepyness). I feel like the moment that sugary beverage enters my system i rise like a freshly watered plant. First meeting with dr eva and the others

26 - felt so tired even in the morning. Its 9 am and im already ordering janjiw coffee (with hazelnut and milo, quite sweet. Like a mix of kopiko and milo). Slow progress today i dunno why. Lunch is nayam rica2 and egg for 21k. Went back home by tj and mom picked me at gajah 2

27 - i hate to say this but bcs for 5 days now ive been fighting sleeping instincts, i snap out of sleepiness easier in the morning. Nasi uduk for brekkie. Moved some stuff up bcs the noise, played keyboard. Learned the (difficult) chords to tyler's see you again and im feeling satisfied. Went to racheel's place. Got fed chicken noodle. And then off to silvi's with devi also. Got fed chicken rice and dimsum. Thanks to friends im eating superwell today🥺

28 - relaxed at home. Skipped breakfast bcs i fell asleep and ate heartily in the afternoon. Evening run w racheel at citra 6

[taephoriia]

Why do you want me to leave? - Kim Taehyung {A} {F}{S}

Request by: anonymous

Genre: angst, fluff(at the end)

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Words: 1788

Note: i hope you like it!, Request anything you want!

~~

So here im sitting and being super confused, how did we become like this we’ve never fight or atleast yell at each other but not for today it feels like we are two different people, i hate fighting and especially with him.

“Omg you are so annoying, why do you always think the worst of me!?” He yell at me, “because you always do the same to me!” He stand ups “no I don’t” he stay still to afraid to move “i always treat like a princess and now you treat me like your the queen and im a servant” he grabs my chin for me to look at me “im sick and done with that” i slap his hands away and stand up, “listen thats not how i treat you!! You neglect me so many times your always busy with bts and im proud that you can do what you’ve always dreamed off but IM HERE TO! I NEED LOVE AND ATTENTION” i yell at him he looks at me “leave!” What!? Why do i have to leave? “GO NO!! AND DONT COME BACK!” I stand up and grab my bag “WHY!!?” He pushes me towards the door “IM DONE WITH YOU, YOUR ARE SO CLINGY AND THATS WHY EVERYONE LEAVES YOU I FUCKING HATE YOU!!” Bang there goes my heart the one and only hates me, i hang my head low and open the door and walk away.

After i got home i drop my stuff and i walk towards the shower, putting the bathtub full and i undress myself and step in, why and what did i do to deserve this kind of treatment!, after an hour i step out and out some comfy clothes on and i walk back to the kitchen and grab a bottle of vodka, and I pour myself a glass and sit on the couch and start thinking about what happened, i put a movie on and i start to get really sleepy vodka always makes me sleepy, and before i know it im off the dreamland.

I wake up hearing someone calling me “y/n?” I feel someone shaking me, i open my eyes and i see my best friend standing there looking very concerned, “whats wrong?” She asked me “nothing, i was just sleepy”, she doesn’t believe and and pick up the bottle of vodka “uhmm, whats this then?” I quickly grab it and out it away “nothing, i can have a drink right?”, she nodds “ofcourse, but most of the time with you it had a reason so what did he do this time?”, i look down and i start to cry “ohh its that bad?” I nodd and i sit back down on the couch and she sits next to me, “just tell me everything okay sweety?” I take a deep breath and look at her “okay”, after 2 hours of talking “take a shower, and sleep it off and i will be here when you wake up okay sweety” why is she so sweet, love that woman so much “okay, i will thanks for being here for me” and i walk towards the shower and after that i step into my bed.

“Bestfriend POV”

Haha stupid girl i swear she is the dumbest I’ve ever met, i start to walk to her office and i open up the desk drawer and grab a key and open up her safe and i grab some money, after that i leave a note that i had to handle something real quick and i walk out, after arriving at a cafe where i have a date with someone i sit down and order us some drinks, a few minutes he arrives “hey baby” i stand up and give him a kiss but he rejects it i look at him weird “im not your baby, and you know it i fucking screw it up with y/n”, “seriously tae, you didn’t she is happy i just was with her”.

“Back to Y/N”

I wake up and I noticed that she is not around so i put some watm clothes on and my shoes and i walk towards a little cafe i like to go to, i walk in and i see two people i wish I didn’t saw once y/b/n sees me she quickly grabs his shoulders and kiss him, he push her away and stand up and turn around to walk away but before he can see me i run out of the cafe, “Y/N!!! WAIT!” I turn around “WHY SHOULD I WAIT HUH SO YOU CAN SCREW HER INFRONT OF ME” he try’s to hold my hand i slap him away “No no no!! I dont want her ever since she knew what happened she has been stalking me!, I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE PLEASE IM SO SORRY THAT I BROKE YOUR HEART” and there comes the tears “Taehyung, you broke my heart and you cant fix it anymore” he wants to hug me but i walk away he stops me “please, just come to the dorm tonight and we will talk i beg you!” I look at him and nodd and walk away from him.

How can she betray me this way once i arrive back home there she is waiting for me, “omg y/n are you okay?” I walk pass her and open the door and slam it infront her face, “listen y/n im sorry” i turn around “HOW DARE YOU HOW DARE YOU! I TOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS!!” I give her a slap in the face and i grab all the things we ever got and all the pictures “HERE GET OUT OF MY LIFE!” She nodds and grab the things and walks away, im i really going to him tonight? I take shower and i out some clothes (insert link of clothes (on the word clothes)

So here im standing infront of the building ugh okay just go there and dont come out until you’ve said what you wanted to say!, i ring on the bell and wait for it to be opened, once it open i step into the elevator and wait till it hits the right floor, i step out the elevator and walk towards the dorm, i knock on the door and right away taehyung opens the door i walk in and put my shoes off, we walk towards the living room “where is the rest?” I ask him, “i asked if they could leave for a fee hours so that we could talk” i nodd and i sit down on the couch, “do you want something to drink?” He asks me “yes some green tea please” he nods and walk to the kitchen, after a few he comes back with the tea and gives it to me and he sits next to me, “okay talk before i walk away” he looks at me and start to explain everything, “did she really do that?, like how did she knew we broke up?” “Because i wanted to know how you are and by visiting myself i knew you would not open the door so i asked her because you two were best friends” i nodd understanding everything “but that doesn’t change how you treated me before we broke up”, he hangs his head down “i know, and im sorry”.

“Sorry doesn’t heal my heart tae” he looks at me “you called me tae again!” He smiles and i just roll my eyes “because it’s easier to say, listen you broke my heart by calling me clingy and saying that you hate me and thats the reason why everyone’s leaving me” he grabs my hand, ohh what did i miss his hands, “i know, I didn’t mean it i was so stressed and tired and i know thats not a good way to put that all on you but I couldn’t control myself, please give me an another change i promise i wont do that anymore and give you more attention and the love you need” i look at him, i cant resist this man ughh.

I grab his face and i start to kiss him he holds me right away and kisses me back, he lets us falling down on the couch and he start to remove my jacket and my shirt he gives me kisses on my color bones, he removes my bra and start kissing and massaging my breast, “ohh yess”, i grab his blouse and i open it up and give kisses down on his chest, i open up his pants and removes them along with his boxers, his hard cock bounces against his stomach and i grab his hard cock, and start licking and putting him in my mouth, “oh yess y/n faster!” I start to suck him faster and also massaging his balls, i deep throat him and he grabsmy hair to help, “aaaarrgh yess i-im” he cums and i swallow it, he picks me up and walk towards his bedroom once we are there, he throws me onto his bed and rips all my clothing off of me, he puts me on my stomach and put my ass up in the air, he start to smack my ass “you like it huh?” “When im rough” i start to maon like crazy, and then i feel him thrusting inside of me he pushes my head down on the pillow and start fucking me even harder.

“Aaahh t-taee yess uhhh harder!!” He smacks my ass and goes even faster, he spreads my legs so he can go deeper, he gets out of me and lays down on his back and i sit on top of him, “move your hips babygirl” he grabs my hips and leads me, i out my hands on his chest and move my hips faster, “aahh i-i can’t take it anymore” he pulls me down and start kissing my neck, he moves my hips faster and harder, “AHH Y-YESS IM ABOUT T-TO CUM!!” After we hit our climax i stay in the position, “dont move yet, im very sensitive” i lay my head on his chest.

After we collect ourselves he lays me down next to him and pulls the blankets over us, i put my head on his chest and he gives me kisses on my forehead, “ i love you so much y/n, are you still mad?” I smile “no I forgive you, but dont do it again and i love you to taetae” we give each other a kiss and we both fall asleep.

~~~~

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[myemptiestvoid]

brain dump

entire post will be one big ramble because thats what i do best.

today i woke up and i’m not okay because my brain sucks and it broke again so i am going to type until the urge of wanting to kill myself and/or hurt myself disappears. i dont understand why this happens. i dont know how to explain it to anybody but it fucking sucks. 

i dont understand how one day, everything is completely fine and im happy, im okay and in the matter of like... what 8 hours? i wake up and everything is going to fucking shit in my mind. its harder because i really dont think anybody can fully comprehend the way i feel whenever i get like this so i just rather not talk. sulk in my own silence and cry until i cant cry anymore.

overall, im happy but im not happy. and im not sure if that even makes sense because its hard to explain. am i the happiest ive been in a while? yes. i can absolutely say this and agree to that thought. but on a mental spectrum i dont think im happy. if i was, i wouldnt feel like this.

i want nothing more than to just disappear from everything and exist in my own realm. i feel like i am a burden to a lot of people and everyone has pity for me because i cant manage to keep myself grounded or ok for more than a week and its annoying. i hate feeling like this. i hate feeling like im bothering people. i just want everything to be okay and im not sure if thats ever going to be a thing. 

the one thing im good at is running from my problems and avoiding how i feel and thats probably the unhealthiest coping mechanism ive developed. some days i want to relapse, which is kinda fucked. i relapsed once this year and felt like this about it because i threw away 3 solid years of sobriety, started over but since that day ive just wanted to do it again. the one thing i can remember about that period was feeling nothing and although it felt weird to feel nothing it also felt really fucking great. it felt good not having to deal with anything and just being numb to everything around me. it felt good just existing and not caring about shit because i was way too high to give a damn about it. being sober has made me realize how bad things are./

i try my best but i feel like my best isnt enough. my best isnt doing anything beneficial for me. i am in a never ending cycle of wanting to end my entire existence day in and day out. i am in a never ending cycle of wanting to split myself open until i bleed out. and it scares me because i really feel like one day ill do it. one day i wont have control over anything im feeling and thats going to be the day it happens. and nobody will be there to help me because ive learned over time what id have to do in order for nobody to find me in that position to stop it.

the older i get, the more i remember. i dont like that. i wish i didnt have to remember anything bad that happened to me or that i was lucky enough like paris to just.. push all of that so far back in my head it never happened. i resent my mom for a lot of it because in the grand scheme of things its really her fault. she let all of that happen to me and here i am today, dealing with it. by myself. because im too scared to open up about what really happened to me growing up. and even if i did she wouldnt care because she continues to deny everything. the way things work is just weird. i dont get how someone can deny the way they make you feel or guilt trip you for feeling that way. im happiest when im away from her. and it sucks because thats my mom but i dont know. i feel like an actual mother wouldnt ever put you in a position to be hurt like that. i remember being little and telling her the things that would happen to me and she never believed me. that sucks. instead of listening to me she just kept putting me in situations that enabled the people around to do it more. instead of listening to me i felt like i had to protect myself against everyone around me. thats probably why im so scared of people now. i feel like everyone is going to do something to me and i dont like living my life like that. i wouldnt be like this or feel any of this if she just listened to me and even then, if she cared for two seconds about someone other than herself to realize how much damage she causes.

i wish i could fix our relationship but i dont think thats going to be a thing and i kinda just started to accept that over the last few weeks. it doesnt matter what i do for her its never going to be enough. her biggest mistake in life was having me out of spite and it shows. i will continue to blame myself for the way she is. i will continue to feel like its my fault. is it true? no. but thats something i cant change. if she was an alcoholic that accepted the fact she was an alcoholic and held herself accountable for the things she does, i think id be less angry about everything. i wouldnt be as upset. but its the fact shes an alcoholic, lying about being an alcoholic, denying the fact that shes an alcoholic that gets under every layer of me to the point im so frustrated about it. i woudnt care if she was open about the issue but she isnt. she hides things like i wont know or like i dont know. but its very obvious. ever since 11/29/18 shes lied day in and day out about her problem. i tried to help but nothing works and i honestly dont care to help anymore. 

i am selfless. a little too selfless. im selfless to the point that im willing to put my own needs so far behind me in order to help everyone else and then i realize that i am in a deep deep mess of a puddle and i cant get out of it. everything begins to consume me like im standing in quicksand and then it just gets bad. im selfless when it comes to my mom because i just want her to be ok. i want her to be happy. but shes happiest whenever shes drunk and i cant change that. thats what i have to accept. but its a lot easier to say that than it is to actually accept it. 

i dont know what to do and its frustrating me.

brain is fairly empty and that feeling isnt there anymore but im probably going to end up feeling like that again so more brain dumps. at the end of the day i just need to stop overthinking and probably do something more productive to help myself.

xx

[producingnct-blog]

sometimes failure is better than success

jihoon/samuel fake dating au

requested by anon

honestly it all started in the weirdest way

jihoon had been friends for a few months when it happened

it wasn’t their fault that bae jinyoung was literally so pretty

they couldn’t keep their eyes off of him and so they bet on who would get to take him out first

(spoiler alert: none of them did)

jihoon and his group of friends, which consisted of samuel, euiwoong, seonho, gualin and hyungseob, were like the groups of friends that people see in the movies

they had lunch together everyday, they sat next to each other and they told one another everything

jihoon couldnt have asked for a better group of friends, really

but then again... he could

i mean, how was samuel considered a good friend if he insisted on crushing on the same guy as him????

jihoon didnt understand

for all everyone knew, jihoon had been crushing on jinyoung first!

he’d fallen in love as soon as they made eye contact (which in fact, did not happen bc jinyoung was always looking at the ground, but please. let jihoon be happy)

and jihoon had started talking about him to their friends just to be met with “i know right!!!”’s from samuel at everything he said

jihoon, the fucking gemini, had glared at him. “he’s mine, i saw him first.”

to which euiwoong had replied, after taking a bite of hyungseob’s sandwich. “hyung, you do realise he’s not food, right?”

maybe jihoon had ended up blushing a bit, but who was to blame him for that? he quickly shook his head, “thats not what i mean, woong. you know that.” then turned his head to samuel

“cmon sam, for real. i feel like this is my sappy romance story yk. you gotta let me have it.”

“but hyung, i like him too! look, im not gonna dislike him for you and neither will you. its bros before hoes, not bros before ros-”

gualin, at this, perked up “what even is this conversation that does not make any sense”

“yes it does, omg! bros equals friends, ros equals romance between bros ok lemme live jesus! but anyway, we aint gonna budge our asses for one anoter, we might as well fight for it. agaisnt each other”

“what??!???” “are you crazy???” “what the fuc- i mean what????”

jihoon looked terrified, but then he set up his tray a bit closer to him, smirking. “fine. whoever gets to take him out first, gets him. after losing you gotta give him up. and give me 20 bucks as well.”

“why are you saying its me whos gonna lose?? and why do i have to pay you??”

jihoon smiled mischiviously. “duh. because i want, obviously.”

and then it was set

they started playing games, trying to get jinyoung’s attention

samuel would write lyrics to songs he wanted to play to jinyoung

jihoon would daydream about coming up to jinyoung and telling him he wanted him to be his bae 

samuel would start laughing louder, so that he could call for jinyoung’s attention indirectly

jihoon would wear different neon laces everyday to be different and stand out in his crush’s eyes

and yet, jinyoung didnt care for either of them

“ugh, this is so hard jihoon hyung.”

“i know right? he hasn’t even looked in our way at least once”

“what is it that we’re doing wrong??”

“idk sam. maybe we should try to get his attention in another way?”

samuel stopped writing down the answer to his english homework of the day to look up at jihoon, who was wearing a frown on his face

“how so hyung?”

“well, we could try to make him jealous?”

“but how is that even going to work if he doesn’t notice either of us”

jihoon threw his pencil in the table, and rolling his eyes as he sighed

“i dont know okay???? i just want him to look at me and like me back, but he doesnt even know i exist”

“hey hyung... its okay, i get it remember? we’re the same. just... how do you think we can make him jealous then?”

jihoon smiled a bit at that, lifting his head from where he had laid it into his arms, “we could date someone”

“oh. who?”

“well. hyungseob and euiwoong are the only gays from our group of friends that are out, but they’re dating each other. so....”

“so....?”

“sooooo.... we could date each other!”

“WHAT oh my god no way”

jihoon pinched samuel’s arm, making the younger flinch away. “what do you mean no way, you punk! im damn handsome, smart, intelligent and funny! theres nothing not to like!”

“hyung.... get your head out of your ass and listen. i dont wanna date you omg. you literally are so.... annoying sometimes no offense. and you snore when you sleep!”

“omg sam shut the fuck up u idiot. firstly i am not annoying youre just not old enough to understand how real and amazing people like me function. secondly. bitch we aint gonna sleep together what the fuck is wrong with my snoring. you talk in your sleep!”

samuel shook his head. “this is seriously not gonna work hyung, what even went through your mind.”

“an idea, thats what. at least i try to come up with those and help ourselves!!!!!” jihoon sighed once again, throwing his hands up. “so are you in or what? we can give it a try right? for a week or two?”

“ugh. fine but if it doesnt work out im killing both you and myself.”

“wow.... thats sad”

“shut up and study”

it..... didnt work out

but also no one died

“ok. what is happening??” was the first thing that met them when they walked to their lunch table holding hands, gualin was currently staring at them both intensively

“listen. this is not weird i promise but we’re dating.”

“you’re what???????”

“dating, you dumbass.”

euiwoong fixed up his glasses, “when and why and how did this happen. am i in a alternative universe”

“ok what the fuck is so wrong with us loving each other” samuel tried not to gag at jihoon’s words, instead squeezing jihoon’s hand stronger

seonho stopped snacking on a chocolate bar “you have been crushing on jinyoung for weeks remember?”

hyungseob continued, “yeah and why wouldnt you tell us if you liked each other???”

at this jihoon started laughing, “im kidding jeez!!!” he then sat down and mentioned for them to sit closer

“we’re pretending-” “WHAT” “omg shut up gualin youre so loud. we’re pretending to date so that jinyoung will be jealous”

euiwoong sighed “im not even going to care this time around. you two are lost cases.”

hyungseob smiled as he pinched euiwoong’s cheek and jihoon fake vomited “ew. YOU are lost cases stop being so in love”

“you jealous hyung?” “omg shut up seonho”

“anyway woong. i am telling you that you should be more respectful to me. when im married to jinyoung, with kids that are twice your height and with more money than all your three next genarations, i wont remember you punk.”

“GOOD”

“OMG YOU FUCKING- I HATE YOU”

turns out fake dating samuel wasnt soooo bad

they hang out like they used to, the only difference was that they held hands a bit more

it still, however, didnt work for them as jinyoung never looked their way

therefore, ofc the obvious and only solution was for them to take their relationship to the next level and to kiss

they decided on a plan

jihoon would be walking to school and hed pass by jinyoung and smile at him casually, but then he’d fall

samuel would then see and help him up, ask if he was okay!! and then kiss his cheek

it was a good plan, really, it was a good plan BUT

fucking samuel didnt do shit! he stood there looking

which ended up in jinyoung looking up to see what had happened and walking towards jihoon to help him up

jihoon started blushing when jinyoung asked him if he was okay, and jihoon could only nod

at this samuel came closer to the two of them, glaring at jihoon but trying to cover it up with a smile “hey you okay baby?”

jihoon blushed at the pet name, how could samuel call him baby when he was talking with his crush. “im fine”

jinyoung then cleared his throar, “hm. im glad youre okay i should go. see you around i guess...”

“jihoon!!! my name is jihoon”

after jinyoung had left, samuel turned to jihoon “what the hell was that?”

“that do you mean??? you didnt even fucking try to help me. what was THAT???”

“i was... thinking. listen, why didnt you pretend??”

“fuck. because i was actually talking to him! and you had to ruin it all sam omg. cant you fucking let me win? youre such a sore loser.”

“what??? i was doing what you asked hyung! i was pretending.”

“whatever, im done. i dont want to pretend anymore. i got to talk with him alone, not by pretending.”

“what??? but how come you want to pretend and then you dont?!?!?”

“jeez sam dont make it that deep. we played a game, the game is over now. thats it, im gonna keep trying to get jinyoung and so will you”

“but hyung. i thought we were on this together?”

“hm no??? sam, we’re agaisnt each other”

samuel shook his head, rubbing his hands agaisnt each other, “fine.”

“fine!”

when samuel didnt answer, jihoon sighed “goodbye”

“where are you going??? it’s the middle of the day?”

“mind your business”

they didnt talk for two days, damn that gemini stuborn ass

samuel ended up reaching out to jihoon and apologising for overreacting, to which jihoon agreed and also apologised for doing the same

they sorted things out and promised to not let this jinyoung matter ruin their friendship 

everything was really great until jihoon started talking more with jinyoung

jihoon would cross ways with his crush and he’d actually hold his head up long enough to shoot him a smile

they’d say hi to each other if they saw one another

sometimes jihoon would even sit next to jinyoung for a few moments when he was alone

and jihoon was loving it until he noticed that samuel was growing sadder by the days

he was quieting down and focusing more on studying

and he was always avoiding him

jihoon could for the love of god understand why 

and he couldnt not talk about it, so he did ofc

him and samuel talked about it although the younger avoided saying the reason

jihoon let him be for a few more days but once the week mark passed, he got really worried

he thought that maybe it was because samuel was jealous that he’d lost and jihoon even went to the point of talking to him about giving up jinyoung just to let samuel be happy-

when he noticed exactly that. since when did samuel’s happiness become soooo important? sure it was always important, they were friends

but jihoon cared to the point of giving up on his crush just to see samuel happy???? that was new

jihoon then started thinking more about that and even talked to euiwoong about it, who told him that he was thinking of it as something more complex than it really was and that he should just talk with samuel

at first, jihoon didnt get it. but as he started missing his best friend more and more (since when did samuel become his best friend that he missed more than the others???)

he realised something had changed and he decided he really needed to talk with samuel about it

“hey”

“oh. hey hyung” samuel went to leave the bathroom

its not live jihoon purposefully stalked him there just to prove to himself that the younger was in fact avoiding him

“hey wait. we need to talk sam”

samuel shook his head quickly, “we dont. for real i swear im okay”

“i dont believe you. just talk with me please, for a second”

“fine hyung. here?”

“hm.... no, lets go to the seats okay?”

“okay hyung.”

they sat down in the outside of the school, close to each other but not too much

jihoon cleared his throat “ok so, ive been thinking. and listen. i really miss you sam. like ive been talking more and more with jinyoung but less and less with you and i miss you like crazy-”

“oh.”

“yeah. i.... dont know sam. i really miss you, what happened? we were fine but you started avoiding me. is it because i talk with jinyoung more than you? i...i. i could let you meet him. talk for real with him.”

“no, hyung. its not that.”

“really? then what? bc i swear sam, i’d give him up for you to be happy, for real.”

“really hyung? you’d. you’d do that? for m-me? seriously?”

“yeah. of course. is it really not because of that?”

“well. i guess technically it is. but hm. just hear me out and please dont hate me okay?”

jihoon nodded “of course not.”

i dont how or why but ive been feeling different... towards you. i was jealous yes, but then i realised i was jealous not because of jinyoung but because of you... hyung. i wanted to be him. i wanted you to be crushing on me and i know youre not and i know you wont. and im happy for you to be talking with him but. im sorry i just dont feel ready to be your friend right now.”

“oh hm. wow i didnt realise you felt that way. i.”

samuel shook his head, “part of me was hoping youd confess like in the movies yk? im... god im so stupid.”

“hey, dont say that. youre not. im too perfect, you cant resist me i get it-”

“not now hyung, please.” and the way samuel’s voice sounded so broken. it left jihoon speechless and at the same time wanting to scream out everything at the world.

“sam. im sorry i really am i didnt know you felt that way. i...”

“its okay hyung. i myself only realised when i talked with woong-”

“wait you talked with him too?”

“what? you talked with him?”

“yeah i asked for his help-”

“about what?”

“ohh. hm. oh. i.”

jihoon completely spaced out and he felt like he was in a movie. he felt like a character that just understood everything at once, like a stupid girl that didnt realise she liked her best friend over her crush. like a fool

“i wow sam.”

“what hyung? are you okay??????”

“jesus christ im dumb”

“i know. tell me something new.”

“bitch shut up listen i.... like you too omg- i cant believe it but i do.”

“what?? you just daydreamed for two minutes straight and now youre back and u like me??? dont play me like that. i thought you were better than this-”

“omg sam shut up let me talk. i talked to woong because i needed help reaching out to you. i was so worried! i even told you that i’d give jinyoung up for you and you talking with woong just reminded me of what he said... and its true. i was making it out to be too complicated when in fact its so simple. i like you, plain and easy.”

“are you sure??????”

“yeah sam. i am, i really am. i feel like i have a bulb over my head.”

“you might as well, what you just said was more moving and inovational than the creation of ipads.”

“damn im blessed to have such a nice boyfriend that compliments me so much! i mean, wait no.”

they both blushed, the losers.

“so.... boyfriend huh?”

“what the fuck gualin since when were you there????”

they ended up discovering a week later, as they held hands under the lunch table, giggling and blushing over the touch, that jinyoung had been dating daewhi for months.

[undeademoprincess]

82 Truths

rules: once you’ve been tagged you’re supposed to write a post with eighty-two truths and then tag twenty-five people.

tagged by @hoseokjinns bruh this has been sitting in my drafts for how many eons????

name: Dawn blood type: b nickname(s): Celeste (cousins mainly) and then anything else is adding an e or i sound to the end of my name (tho i have noticed dawners is a frequent name) r/s: dead inside zodiac sign: libruh pronouns: she\her favorite tv shows: dude, i havent seen any tv shows since i was 8, that was well over a decade ago. i collect the dvd/blurays of tv shows but not often. my mother and i are really into futurama but other than that its usually animes that i collect long or short hair: literally lopped my hair off myself like 3 days ago height: 5′5″ do you have a crush on someone: if fictional characters count then yes, the husband list keeps growing and i need another closet to shove them in but real life im fighting a “battle” what do you like about yourself: i have yet to be called annoying or that im an ass to those i love and i support them with all i can, so ive got that going for me right or left handed: right, tho i am ambidextrous over weird ass shit. like gymnastics im left dominate in??? idfk either man list of three favourite colors: literally any color associated with fall/autumn and ill be a happy camper

right now: eating: just ate a cracker that had peanut butter on it cause im munchin hard drinking: sweet h2o man i’m about to: probably go to bed or i might work on my drafts for my writing blog, havent decided yet listening to: a mix about cats, love, breakfast and being tired by in love with a ghost (on youtube) kids: hell no, unless i know i can support the damn thing with all i can while living comfortably along with someone i KNOW wont leave both me and the kid and help me then maybe, but its still a really strong no. pets are fam tho, so technically i have like 5 kids already get married: down for that, annoying someone all the time as a “job” sounds fun, especially if we get late night adventures and do weird ass cooking class shit for fun. ITS IN THE CONTRACT YA KNOW career: i really want to travel the world and get paid to do so, but at my own pace

most recent: drink: water????? idk what you want from me man im a thirsty hoe for livin phone call: been on discord all day today with 2 of my best friends and listening to music with my bot the other half on it song you listened to: lauv reforget (literally just came on) 

have you ever: dated someone twice: no been cheated on: nope, and im not the type to let them get away with it if they ever did kissed someone and regretted it: no lost someone special: yes been depressed: yes, began at a very young age due to the death of my father. literally had a midlife crisis when i was 4 cause of his death been drunk and thrown up: hell no kissed a stranger: no had glasses or contacts: glasses had sex on the first date: no, not really my thing broken someone’s heart: i think so, never really ask how they felt about it afterwards turned someone down: yuuuup cried when someone died: yes fallen for a friend: mmmmm, not really??? i usually crush on an acquaintance and my friends drag them in and somehow become friends later??? 

in the last year have you: made a new friend: uuuuuh, maybe 3??? i dont like leaving my house nor do i like wasting my time on strangers, especially if theyre rude fallen out of love: yeah laughed until you cried: many times, MANY FUCKING TIMES met someone who changed you: uh, i think so??? idk, i kinda find my own flow in life and people either respect it and enjoy the ride with me or fight it, and i dont have the energy to deal with pointless shit found out who your true friends were: ooooh yeah found out someone was talking about you: humans talk, its natural. i dont really do anything but i can see why someone WOULD talk shit if thats what this is asking about kissed someone on your fb list: ew no

which is better: lips or eyes: eyes hugs or kisses: hugs, i like being warm shorter or taller: both have pros and cons romantic or spontaneous: both? both sensitive or loud: idk what the fuck this is asking about but if its about being around people who are loud or sensitive then neither, im sensitive to headaches so loud people irritate me and trigger the pain and ive had bad experiences in person with sensitive people where they dont leave me alone and wind up stalking me???? i love being alone so neither hookup or relationship: relationship troublemaker or hesitant: one can be kinda fun but also a pain in the ass if they get you into trouble a lot and the other might not be as constantly fun per say but at least you shouldnt be in trouble as often 

first: best friend: Samantha surgery: thankfully nothing yet sport i joined: badminton  vacation: everything my parents did was while i was literally an infant soooooo yeah, greaaaaat memories

do you believe in: yourself: not all the time, but i rely on myself more than anyone else. i dont trust anyone for shit when i know damn well i can do it myself and know that if something goes wrong i myself fucked it up and can probably fix my mistake miracles: yes and no, i believe theres a reason for things to happen the way they do, and there are times i see it as miracles love at first sight: i believe in attraction at first sight, not immediately seeing someone soul or some shit heaven: im more for reincarnation and spiritual aspects in life and death

extras: how many people from your fb list do you know irl: 90% of them do you have any pets: im not counting my outside pets because there are too many to even keep track of to count so my children are 5 cats, toto my conure, oz my dog, tubby my gecko, and a beta fish and a catfish do you want to change your name: if i ever did, which i dont want to do, it’d be either Celeste or Aurora (my mom actually debated on calling me aurora after like the disney princess if you will and funny enough shes always been my favorite princess) what did you do for your last birthday: 2 of my friends kidnapped me and took me to dinner and we drove around and looked at interesting things. this years its during ren faire and im so damn happy what time did you wake up today: 9 pm. im sick atm and its really fucking up my sleep schedule  what were you doing last night at midnight: just got out of a call with one of my best friends and sat on my own server for a bit chillin with my music bot before my other best friend joined my after like SIX HOURS, DAMN YOU SIMON something you can’t wait for: ren faire, getting married cause then i get to sweater slap someone and get away with it, and being comfortably happy in life last time you saw your mom: a few hours ago? i went to the kitchen to get my cat to love on her and saw her then what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: i wish i had more determination to see things through and not be scared to take the leaps to see it through have you ever talked to a person named tom: i worked in retail, so probably what’s getting on your nerves: a lot of things, mainly petty things. kinda wanna cut a toxic person out of my life but we all know thats easier said than done especially seeing how he talks to literally all of the people i talk with on a daily basis save one soul and he treated her like shit when he talked to her sooo yeah, dunno wtf is his problem but im tired of being the object of his frustration and anger, idk how the rest of my friends deal with his shit but im just so damn DONE

man im not taggin 25 people. if youd like to tag me as a “i found it from so and so” then go for it man, let youre dreams run free friend. im just a lazy sack of shit and am tired and im amazed im still up and that its TAKEN ME A MILLION DAMN YEARS TO DO THIS IM SO SORRY LEANNE

[hide-in-imagination]

5 years old: I love how my big sister draws anime, i wish i could draw like her. 8 years old: my sister likes to call me by nicknames. I dont really care, im used to it and its not like is an insult. 9 years old: my sister uploads a picture of me and the donkey from shrek on her fotolog. She claims we look alike. All her friends sees it, anyone can see it. I dont think its funny. She laughs. 10 years old: my sister likes to give me a slap in the butt when she passes by me. I dont like it and i tell her stop many times. She laughs. 11 years old: im lying in my bed trying to sleep. My sister comes in, slaps me in the butt and then runs out laughing. Im not fast enought to punch her back. 5 minutes later the door opens and someone comes near me. I instantly jerk and hit the person, expecting it to be my sister again. It was my mom, she came to kiss me goodnight. She says sorry for scaring me and leaves. I cry myself to sleep that night because i feel terrible for rejecting my mom's love. Next day my sisters slaps me again. She laughs. 12 years old: im starting to wear a bra. Im feeling selfconscious. Im getting ready in the morning for school. Im already dressed, just putting on my shoes. My sister comes and snaps my bra open through my shirt. I yell at her and she laughs. I try to fix it but my hands cant reach my back the way i want them to. I have to undress and put it back on all over again. Later that day i tell a friend at school about how humiliated and frustrated i felt. 13: We were supposed to put the christmas tree together, but she's mad and yelling and says she will do it all by herself, that i should get out and stop bothering. I yell a curse word for the first time. I feel like she just ruined christmas eve. Our family tradition. I cry. 14: Its summer break. Finally i can just be on the internet and sleep all i want to. Or so i thought. My sister comes in almost everyday at 9 am waking me up. She says its not fair i get to sleep while she has to work. That i should be up and doing something even tho i fell asleep at 4 am and im tired as hell. I throw a shoe at her and tell her to leave. When she leaves for work im wide awake and unable to fall asleep again. She does that all summer. 15: my mom finds an old toy of mine of when i was a baby. It sings a lullaby, i still remember it and love it. Its 10 am, i fell asleep like at 3, im sleeping when my sister puts the toy in my bed and makes it sound. I wake up, i wanna sleep but the toy can not be stopped so i have to wait until it does on its own. When it does i try to sleep again. When im falling asleep again my sister makes it sound again. Im so fucking mad that i throw the toy outside of my bedroom. My mom watches me. "I thought you liked it" she says. She' got a sad face. I feel terrible. Awful. My mom thinks i dont like it because my sister wont let me alone. I cry. I cant fall asleep again. 16: i think that if she doest feel bad for what she does to me ill have to make her feel bad. Because its just not fair. 17: my sister asks me why im so mean to her. I tell her that maybe it is because she's been bothering me no stop since i was small. "It was just a joke lol" "Get over it, its not like i did it to annoy you" "Its not healthy to hold a grudge" "My boyfriend's brothers were much worse with him when he was small, i dont know why you complain" 18: My sister plays the piano at 1 am. She claims its the only time of the day when she can study the songs. I cant sleep. But its for her career so i cant complain, right? She still slaps me in the butt btw. I try to kick her. She just laughs. 19: i gotta be up at 6 am tomorrow for the dentist. My sister is watching a comedy rutine on her notebook. Its really loud and i cant sleep so i get up and go tell her to lower the volume. She does a little bit. I can still hear it. I get up again, this time i tell her that i gotta be up at 6 tomorrow and its 1 am. She lowers the volume a little more, but she's laughing at something the comedy girl said. I go to bed again. I can hear her laugh. Im trying to sleep and i cant stop hearing her laugh. I snap. I get up a third time and yell at her. WHY does she watch a comedy video at this hour when everyone is trying to sleep. "Im watching this one while i wait for the TV rutine to start" She doesnt plan to stop. When she finishes this one she's just gonna watch another. My mom comes in and gets on my side. She angrily tells her to keep quiet. I go back to my bed. .... She's laughing. Im crying from frustruation and she's laughing. She just doesnt see it. Doesnt realize. Or she just doesnt care. I decide i dont care which one it is. If she doesnt see it, it is not my fault. If she doesnt care i dont have to tolerate her. Im just so tired. And im done. I decide i no longer want anything to do with her. Its been an hour and she's still laughing. I write this post. Its not like ill be able to sleep anyway.

[dontworry-thiswillhurt]

Don’t worry you have plenty of time

One of the last things you ever said to me, and I believed you.  But our time was up and that was the last conversation we would ever have.  I was in denial, I hoped that you would get better and we would have more time together.  There is so much I don’t know about you, so much I needed to ask you and show you. You ant me to be happy, you love me and your proud, fuck I just wish we had more time.  22 years wasn't enough, I wanted more from you. I tell myself I have time when I feel overwhelmed, but its not as calming when i remember that maybe I don’t have as much time as i think, and i questions what is really important, what do I really want, who am I  ?  when people tell me I am doing well, I am divided, Part of me will rage against it and claim I should be doing better, and part of me is comforted because I am doing well. My first loss of a loved one. My first encounter with death. My life shattered into pieces.  My view is shifted, and I am reassessing the importance of everything. Cutting out and throwing away anything deemed unnecessary, clothes,  people, books, thoughts.  If you are not helping me, get the fuck out of my way.  The excruciating anxiety, trying to leave the house, standing in the doorway for 30  minutes staring at  the wall convincing myself I can do this. Stay calm above ll else, tell them its ok, they just say things becasue they care, let them hug you, dont cry, dont cry, its ok to leave early, if they dont understand then fuck them. Life is resembling something hellish and Im doing my best to make it a little better. 

“ By all accounts I wont feel this way forever ” I do find some comfort in that. I wont be the same ever again, I wont stop being sad, but I will learn to deal with it.I tell myself - If everything was easy I would never grow. It makes me fucking angry, you wanna be a good person? wanna be wise? fit? then you gotta go through fucking hell. I imagine Im like a rocketship I’m still stuck on the launchpad trying to fix everything going wrong, red lights flashing, get the fire extinguisher, systems check, nope still fucked. My mind and my body have both betrayed me and one another, everything is fucked and I’m not going to be starting that new journey just yet, first we must repair the damage done in that explosion. Going from a fully functional machine, in optimal condition to emotional blathering mess that cant support its own weight. Systems check, systems check, systems heck, keep pressing the refresh button, putting the pics back together, they dont fit like they did before, its not going to be the same, I’ll put it back together better than before. Itll be different, but itll be better, prepare for the journeys ahead, fix the problems for right now, i m a rocket ship, stuck on the launchpad, I’m fixing what i can,it will take a long time, lunch postponed until further notice. I will go through the emotional tornado of annoyed, guilty, furious, hysterical,  depressed, and empty again. Then I will put some more pieces together and pull myself back together, I will remind myself who I am, what I want, what I can do, that I have a plan and I have a life and whatever life throws at me I will overcome.  This is a choice and I choose to get better. I will go wash my face, and stare at the wall and step out the door again and go make my life a little better, One day, the light will be green and I’ll be ready for take off, I wont be stuck on the launchpad forever, there are journeys and adventures to be had.  I will remember you forever and take you with me as I dance through this crazy life. 

[celestialallstars]

Episode #16: “Well, this is the end folks.” - Stephen

I WANT TO QUIT

I AM GOING TO QUIT

MICHAEL DESERVED BETTER HE WAS MY FUCKING F2 AND BEST FRIEND IN THIS GAME AND IM SO FUCKINF MAD I LOVE HIM WITH MY WHOLE HEART HE DESERVES WAY BETTER THAN THIS FUCK THIS CASST SO MUCH I CANT STOP FUCKING CRYING

#FuckChris

FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST FUCK THIS CAST

EITHER IM QUITTING OR IM WINNING OUT OF SPITE WATCH THIS SPACE

Feel like pure shit just want Michael back

Bryce messaging me like “hey bowling ball” SHUT UR FUCKING FACE BRYCE DO NOT START TRYING TO TALK TO ME RN I AM MAD AT YOU

I MADE FINAL FIVE AND I HAVE AN IDOL I LEARNED MY MISTAKES IM MAKING FINAL FOUR I BEAT MY PLACEMENT WOOO I makin sure history dont be repeating doe

Alrighty, I am hoping that one of Chloe or Zach leaves this round. I dont know how the idol is going to go but I think Chloe's the safest bet for us as I still feel Zach could have it. Still, I can't risk a Loris situation so I would prefer it if Stephen won immunity. I do feel bad for him and I just hope he still trusts me even if I lost a little last night. Right now I think if Crystal Clear is the F4 then it could do a lot of good if anyone but Bryce wins it but I hope Stephen is wanting to go to the end still now

So, THAT happened. Chris lied and sided with Bryce and Zach instead of splitting like we planned! Greeaaaaaat.

He says it happened shortly before tribal, but when he told me his reason, he said it was because of Michael attempting to make an F3 deal, which is something that happened the day before.

I did have an interesting chat with Zach where he said me and him are essentially seen as Chris and Bryce's +1's and our chances of winning sitting next to them might be pretty low based on that perception. Obviously I want Bryce out before Chris, but I need to start realistically thinking of cutting Chris at some point. He did go behind my back here and staying blindly loyal despite that just seems foolish. He said he'd use the idol on me this round which is great and all, but if Bryce wins immunity... well... what are my options? Honestly the best case scenario is me or Chris winning immunity just so we can be sure about playing the idol on the one who loses and voting Bryce out.

I hope that bad scenario doesn't have to play out, but let's just say at this point I think Zach and Chloe are my best possible F3. Which is interesting considering I just tried to get Zach out!

It does kinda suck to hear Michael say what he said. I get he was upset but like I dunno. It didnt help but at the same time I don't feel too bad knowing that he made an f3 without me in it. My hope was that it makes the others think more on NOT bringing me to the end so I want to use it to my advantage as much as I can to still win it all if its possible

This vote has been so messy it's ridiculous. I know Chris has the idol and is likely playing it on himself, so I'm trying to get Zach and Chloe to throw their vote on him so me and Chris can decide who goes. I was considering actually voting him out for a bit but I don't think that's feasible without their being an imminent reason for him to use the idol on someone else.

So I told Chloe and Zach the plan, and I told Bryce the plan was Chloe and used idol-fear as my fake reason. Hopefully it's a strong enough justification for him to buy it and just vote for her, but he's immune so he personally has nothing to fear tonight. It's been a hard day and I hope everything pans out as I expect and I'm not on the bad end of all the plans LOL.

im in f4 wooh but no chance at winning i think im gonna be blindsided by zach tonight so thats fun if chris goes im legit over but idk how to fix that i ened to make sure chris votes stephen with me but idt he will

________________________________________________________________

Chloe: How does michael leaving impact the game?

Michael leaving the game probably means it’s a bit more open for people to make moves and shake things up even more which is TERRIFYING. In my eyes Michael had a lot of control over people that was going unnoticed.

go to an optometrist queen

im trying to do stuff but who knows oh well LOL SDGMLKDSGKDSGKDMSKGDSK i want chris out but he probs has idol all i know is unless theres an idol nullifier i be makin f4 tho

________________________________________________________________

Chloe is voted out 2-2-1. She becomes the eighth member of our jury.

Watch Chloe’s exit interview take place below:

________________________________________________________________

Welp! I've survived probably my closest call all game. I wish I could make it to the end while being targeted a bit less but I can settle for this. Anyway, selecting Chloe to be my target ended up being the correct decision, since she was the only person other than me who could be targeted. I'm so close to the end again, and the people still in don't see me as much of a winner threat. I hope they're wrong sksksksksksks

I think winning this immunity challenge and being the reason Bryce goes home could boost my odds quite a bit, but I need to be ready for the possibility of not winning the immunity challenge as well. Still, I have F2 deals with Chris and Zach, so that's another reason to avoid wanting to choose between them here. No reason to make anyone madder than they need to be.

I guess a lot is riding on the last comp and I enjoy it because it does show how it isn't clear cut as far as what will happen next.

ok so results in 2.5 hours and i know im not winning its so sad but its just sth that i have to face. i tried my hardest at endurance but fell alseep. before and after.. i have no brain. counting? literally my least fave thing on orgs the actual anxiety it gives me is unreal. winterbells???? anyways. the puzzle prob the only thign i can do alright at and i just know zach beat me at it too. and like just like my og season i feel like if i dont win i go home.at least there i dont think maynor would have voted me but here i dont have a maynor and i will get 3-1'd even tho i dont think its the right move like ugh this is so sad i rly just wanted to show i deserved my win and my spot on all stars and i cant even win final immunity its so embarrassing why do i even play orgs this will be my last mark my WORDS going out on one of my fave orgs ever will be cute anyway yay wooh haha im so random...

________________________________________________________________

im so sad like im depressed this sucks im gonna get 3-1'd for WHAT why wont zach take me what could i have done differently except be better at immunity like ive had no agency since f9 rhys blindside and its like that has been annoying but it was always with the end goal being yes i may not have gotten to play how i wanted to but at least ill make ftc how cute. but  i dont even get to do that and its like ppl just say i was a shield well i have feelings and i dont like being used as a shield why am i so melodramatic its literally an online game but im just tired of being used and thrown away and so what if ive listened to liability 10 times since i woke up this morning that has nothing to do with me feeling like im a toy that ppl grow bored of.

Its been one heck of a rollercoaster but I have a little faith for this last tribal.  I was sad to have lost the final challenge but I feel it can perhaps help my overall game if Im able to make it to the final three. With that in mind, its time to enact my final plan. While I have openly acknowledged Bryce's threat level to people I sorta was in need of certain things falling into place- Zach winning was the first part even if it would have been nice for Stephen/myself. Now is the part I pretty much spell it out for him that taking Bryce not only equals less jury votes but also could take votes that Zach would have since Bryce is viewed as the stronger of the duo. I basically have to make Zach be fully on board to get out his biggest threat to winning.

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As for Bryce, it was nice to play with him but I do hope he is serious about voting Stephen because it then guarantees that not only am I safe but that I can get him out. Alas Justice4Mitch has never died but if I can pull it off after basically convincing Bryce I was not against him while also just painting Zach as a necessary meat shield then I have a chance! I dunno how it would go down with the jury but thats moot until I see "18th person voted out and the final member of the jury...@Bryce"

So I made a bit of a mistake last night. Zach won immunity and I assumed it was pretty clear Bryce was gonna go 3-1 no strings attached, and I told him my reasons for voting him. Bryce isn't giving up though. He came up with a plan with Chris to get Zach to put his vote on Chris, and then the 2 of them vote me out. It's not the craziest idea I've ever heard which is why I think I made a mistake telling Bryce the truth.

Knowing this, I went to Zach and told him everything about this plan. Hopefully it makes Zach too gun-shy to consider voting for Chris and, since I don't think he wants me out that only leaves Bryce as an option. I wish I was immune and had nothing to worry about but here we are! If Bryce can dig himself out of this he'll have a really good shot to win though. And Chris/Zach have to be aware of that.

im livid im depressed and my hair is such a mess.

this is likely my penultimate confessional [that is lengthy] so here we go.

i won immunity. im so happy. I MADE FINAL TRIBAL!! even if i lose, i still made it here, in an allstar season - which is just phenomenal. top 3 out of 21... WOO! and i beat my placement and improved my game (in my subjective opinion) and so i feel like i got what i wanted out of this game. i didn't even need the immunity tbh but.. it's just a relief to have it because it secures my game and allows me a bit more control than the average person at F4.

when it comes to the vote, i think the frontrunners are chris + bryce. i think neither are a cut-and-dry win, but i think they are the two people that the jury is currently praising to a degree. it's also known that those two are on the chopping block for this round, and i believe i'm in a swing vote position (stephen/chris voting bryce, bryce voting chris - i can tie it or send bryce home).

this is where it becomes tricky. i love all these people, especially bryce. he's my best friend and we've been through this game hand in hand. i would love to see him win, and i would prefer him as a victor over stephen/chris (no offence to them, just as personal taste obviously). but, i think he's an obstacle for me come FTC. the jury has perceived me to be his goat (or just a follower of his), and while that's not true (both bryce and i have played briefly separate games and have taken some control at varying points), perception matters a lot. like, it's not reality - but it is critical to who wins this game. so i think i need to do my utmost best to reverse that perception.

my main strategy throughout merge (and i mentioned this in early confessionals) was to highlight bryce as a bigger threat [giving him another challenge win, hyping him up to people, etc.] so that in our inevitably perceived duo, he would be the bigger fish to fry. while at times this failed (ie f8 when I was the target of the split vote), i fixed it by ensuring jared's elimination because he was the person keeping bryce alive and that was awareness!! woo!! but overall, with the whole "shield strategy", it becomes redundant imo if you take that shield to FTC. bryce, as someone who's been consistently targeted (him and i both tbh), if he gets to the end, that becomes so impressive. even if he hasn't made many moves or whatever, it's that underdog-like story that likely ensures him the gold in my eyes. i would love to see him win!! he's the best candidate (on a personal level) to be sandra diaz-twine (though he's being so fat to me right now, as i am to him though). but i feel like my prominent strategy only ever comes into fruition if i eliminate him, and that's where i'm leaning (and he knows that).

while chris could win (or even stephen, i won't exclude him), it's all a risk. if they do, then good game!! but i think ive played to a great standard and have proven myself, and i've shown divergence from bryce and others and while some moves failed, i attempted to be flexible and that in and of itself speaks a lot! woo!! this is a deserving final four imo (higher than average for most final ours). this allstar season has been hectic, every vote being so diverse, so regardless of the final outcome, it's an achievement that us four made it here.

i could be majorly misinterpreting this game as a whole, but who cares. chris and stephen are both great speakers, so it'll be a tossup in that regard, but i just have to do what's best. maybe i vote out chris though. i'm torn, and it's not because of what anyone has said, it's just an internalized conflict that's like... do i vote out my best friend but i think it's smarter or do i vote out another threat and just hope the jury can recognize that i had a stronger game than perceived.

i think i know the answer though. and i hope that when he (BRYCE LKSDGLKSD i love him im on call with him ill link a pic below) goes to jury he can be my cheerleader... bc i lav him. if not i understand. but I HOPE he doesn't hate me remotely seriously because i value our friendship immensely... but i didn't come here to play for second. will i get second (or third)? sure. it's possible. but at least i didn't *play* for it, if that makes sense.

link to bryce on cam suffocating himself with a pillow in response to me potentially voting him out: https://imgur.com/BgFRtsK

that's all. MAYBE I DONT WRITE ANOTHER CONFESSIONAL THIS IS TOO STRESSFUL AND LONG AND MY FINGERS ARE CRAMPING. but that's it. love yawls. mwah.

IM SO DEPRESSED IM GETTING 3-1 HOW DO I HAVE SUCH BAD SOCIAL GAME WHY AM I THE WORST PERSON TO EVER PLAY THE GAME WHATS THE POINT OF PLAY 77 DAYS IF I CANT BE A TWO TIME WINNER I RUIN MY SLEEP SCHEDULE I PUSH THROUGH MY EPISODES OF SADNESS TO TRY TO WIN AND ITS ALL FOR NOTHING BC IM AN UNLIKABLE AND NO ONE WANTS TO SIT NEXT TO ME IN THE END LIKE THATS SO CRAZY ITS INSANE I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO LIKE ME https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/613389489154293780/634539770583973888/unknown.png

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i thought most betrayed was jared to me but turns out its zach to me

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Bryce is voted out 3-1. He becomes the ninth and final member of our jury.

Watch Bryce’s exit interview take place below:

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Ahhh I cant believe I made it to FTC. Its pretty surreal to have actually made it after everything's that happened! I am so nervous about FTC because I know a lot of people may not be thrilled to see me and I have to do a lot lf convincing...but this is where I have to try to give everything my all and hope it will work out!

Well, this is the end folks.

My final confessional of All-Stars. Will it be my final Celestial confessional? Who knows. All I know at this point is that my speech is ready and I'm speculating as to what questions I will be asked and what my answers will be. Finally being at the end of an ORG is so surreal but winning this thing after all the nonsense would be so sweet.

Making it to the end with Chris is great too, even if I kinda wish he was just on the jury supporting me. This is our second time playing an ORG together but the first time we played we both went pre-merge, so this really is a big deal for us.

I'm proud of the game I've played though, and I want to make sure that comes across tonight. Even if I ultimately end up losing I won't let myself be called a goat or "just playing for FTC". I came here to win from the very beginning and by the end of the night everyone is going to know that.

I am so nervous for this FTC that I don't think I'll do that good, BUT I'm gonna put on my acting abilities and pretend I am confident and own everything I can! It's do or die and I'm not ready to be six feet under yet!

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So I'm very happy with myself when its all said and done! This was such a journey for me in that whether I win or lose I feel satisfied with myself because I had highs and lows and learned things- wishing my fellow finalists the best of luck and huge thank you to the hosts for allowing this to even exist here :)

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Zach wins in an 8-1-0 vote!