#IDK WHAT THAT IS BUT YALL ARE WISHING DEATH TO PEOPLE WHO SPEAK AND DONT EVEN GIVE CONTEXT

[dykebyulyi]

microdosing on being American by seeing whatever the fuck some speakers say on your dash

[sexisdisgusting]

Soz idk where else to say this so I’m saying it to you: I just realized, I think the reason TRAs in particular are so dismissive of feminism and oppressive sexism, instead only focusing on choice feminism, is bc if we actually acknowledged how oppressed females are, then they’d be forced to realize how fucked up it is to “identify” as us.

Example: They know transracial is bad, they know it’s bad to identify as a race you aren’t, because you can’t identify into a marginalized group like that when you’re not part of it! Obviously!

But if that’s true, what about women? Sexism is just as bad as racism, just as systemic and violent. Why is it ok for the oppressor group to not only identify as a marginalized sex group they’re not a part of, but then go on to speak over said marginalized group and destroy their spaces and wish death and rape on them for being upset by their oppressors “identifying” as them? Racial dysphoria is a thing too, I know people who have racial dysphoria, yet they know clearly that it’s offensive to “transition” into a group they don’t belong to, they work through their dysphoria in other ways instead.

so what’s the difference? Like really? What is the difference? The answer is there isn’t one. No one can think of a solid reason why one is ok and the other isn’t. Race and gender are both social constructs, but are based on biological and genetic traits. Race and gender both come with inherent trauma, including generational trauma. Race and gender both have history and family ties attached to them. Both are connected to lineage. What’s the difference?!

since no one can answer this, libfems will either get completely stuck and just ignore it, or they will end up at one of 2 stops. Those being that either “transracial” is valid, or that women aren’t really THAT oppressed. Usually these yt folk know better than to go for the former, so that leaves the latter. The reality of systemic sex based oppression defeats their entire ideology. I should know, I’m 20, I was trans identified for 10 years, grew up in the community, and just thinking about this critically for 3 fucking seconds made me do a complete 180 in a week. A. Week.

(I’m poc though, I get yt trans don’t really gaf bout us unless we’re useful as o mystical kweer savages who had 3000 genders. For those of you who don’t understand racism, think about transabled or something like dat. It’s not quite the same, but you get it. Disability is really just a social construct assigned to a real phenomena! Now imagine a group of “transautistic” people getting an autism support centre defunded, spraypainting “kill all trans-autistic exclusionary disabled rights activists” on the windows, and nailing dead rats to the doors, because they weren’t assisting “trans-autistic” people. You get it?)

Leaving yall on this. If you support dylan mulvaney then u should also support oli london, because they’re the same.

my fucking god anonita

you neednt EVER apologize for blessing my askbox like this holy shit

i dont think i have anything to add except that you are so fucking right, you summed it up PERFECTLY

i started reading this ask while laying down and found myself sitting up by the end of it

im so happy knowing an intelligent woman like you is following me, and im so fucking proud of you

[msallurea]

hii ms allurea! i saw what you just posted and i just want to say, as someone’s who has asked you questions before, you always helped me so so much! i’m in a similar situation as you too, so i understand that feeling of wanting to give up on everything and on life. but i overcame these thoughts when someone told me that it’s just a solution to a problem that can be solved if i just keep going. it’s not that i didn’t want to live anymore, it’s i didn’t want to live that life forever, i didn’t want to live a life like that anymore, and so what i can do is just change and manifest, because nothing is permanent and NOTHING is written in stone. i know maybe not a lot of people thank you enough for the help you give to the loa community, but i want to thank you, i don’t know how many times i’ve had questions and tried to get answers but was told i had to pay for coaching, you didn’t, you answered and tried your best to help (which you did and i have an loa blog now too!!!) It’s completely okay to crash out and feel your emotions, i think sometimes it helped me more than just act like everything was okay 24/7, but you’re so so important to people, to your future, and to people you haven’t meet yet! so again thank you so much, i hope i helped a bit :)) feel better 💗

kisses <333

Thank you for the kind words. Tbh i dont really look for thanks here because as we can see theres plenty of loa blogs around on tumblr but i made this loa blog just to not feel alone as well as hoping that what i make reaches the right ppl at the right times when they need it most i dont expect much in return from it or even a thank u simply because i dont ever want anyone to feel the way i have all these years as well as suffer because ik when i wanted help i defibitely wished there was somewhere there before i got to this point. Everyone deserves a happy life and to be at peace I'll stand by that forever

And yes I feel very similar it's not that I want to die because trust if I did me with loa would've died a long time ago but you're 100% right about not wanting to live this kinda life anymore and thats exactly where I'm at with it that's always been where I was at with it and if death is an option to escape from living this kinda life I most definitely take it into consideration every single time. But yes you're right that all we can do is change and manifest since as you said nothing is permanent. However I would be lying to yall if I said that doing that, though is simple it isn't easy for others like me. But I get what you're saying.

I will continue to manifest though after all I didn't do all this for nothing but today definitely marks as kinda a countdown for me. I wanna still be there for those that care and love me but idk how much more of this I can take. It's similar to a generator going out and now you're on your last defenses. Ik that's not the best thing to say and I should speak more positively but as I mentioned in my post, I don't think anything is gonna change my mind on how I feel n knowing me once I make a decision on something it's very hard for me to turn back on it especially when it comes to my peace being involved. Not to scare or trigger u or anyone else, but personally this is just where I'm at with it.

But again thank you and I am happy my blog was able to help you in your journey, do have many more successes and blessings to come☺️

[grocerystoredean]

Hey bestie!! Yeah that was me the other day with the mangos, seriously I really shoulda looked it up or something cuz that was almost as bad as the time i accidentally used powdered sugar instead of flour. I hope whatever beings that look down at us like ants talk about me like posts about jensen ackles. Maybe i wanna be the pretty man with the fruity little boots! You ever been in onea those houses that look like hgtv? I Do Not Belong Here. Also i forgot my meds at home lmfaooo. Youve probably seen those oil pumps, the ones that look like birds pecking, yeah? (unrelated but onetime we found some frog eggs in the water tank of one and we took em home and raised em up into frogs!). And they have those out in the ocean, one exploded recently i think?? So we was watchin a video on em and apparently they build em close to each other and idk if the guys from one rig will boat to another to like play cards or something but i think it would be fun if they did. Also i think theyre kinda rad looking, like if they werent so bad for the enviroment and stuff i think ppl should just live on those. I guess itd be hard to make money there? Tho they can be fairly self sufficient too i think. But ok there was this scooby doo episode on onea these and velma was like gay for this mermaid?? Idk it was pretty much my fav one except ofc she turned out not actually being a mermaid which was lame cuz i think mermaids fuckin rock. Tho i think the idea of freshwater mermaids is much cooler. Like imagine getting pulled to ur death in a river not by the undertow but cuz u stepped too close to a mermaid hole. Fuckin awesome shit there. Ohh speaking of which I seen ur thing on japanesenatural, but like. Thats such a clever take on spn??? Everything i know about japanese ppl comes secondhand, friends, neighbors, social studies, etc. but i like reading about ur stuff on it. Every time someone takes spn and looks at it through a different lense, especially identity based, its always so good. Its about giving fictional characters ur lived experiences and processing things thru them ig. Also i saw yall was talking about poems earlier and while i dont know a lot of em i rlly like that one about the orange and idk if someone brought that one up already. “I love you im glad i exist” OK!!!!!! OK!!!!!!!!!!! I am feeling some things! Love how cas is very into bees like every time this bitch mentions insects im just!!!! Mmmm and i personally, being rhe person who has a ton of useless info on insects (not so much specifically bees but i know some. Mostly cuza castiel actually.) very much enjoy this. Yessssss lets talk about insects ily bestie!! I love being friends with other queer ppl…. Like omg same! I dont remember what i said to u last time also i feel like i just talked a lot so im gonna go before i start repeating myself also isnt it so frickin crazy its sunday??? And like the 4th of july. Here they only can have sponsored city approved firework shows so they already did those, but back home peoplell still be shootin off fireworks till next sunday lol. Im glad we arent doing anything this year. Learning from perspectives outside of the country has made patriotism taste much more rotten. How ru????????? I think its weird when ppl have cameras everywhere like in the house im in theres an ipad set up in the kitchen and u can see every angle of the outsidea the house. Some guy in my neighborhood has like floodlights and a buncha cameras all over their house that always comes on when im walkin the dogs at night and ik they got robbed a few times so /ig/ it makes sense but also theyre all really annoying and the dad is a cop and every person in my neighborhood who got robbed was a total asshole so like??? Is it rlly a crime if its funny?? Mbby if u stopped posting about qanon on facebook ppl would like u more smh. No but crime is bad ig. I wish ppl would garden with me cuz a lotta these people have nice manicured lawns (and seriously FUCK those. Biodiversity ftw babey!!) but dont rlly know how to garden which is different from me cuz i know how im just bad at it

DSFJJSDFJKL dba first off. powdered sugar instead of FLOUR????? also im so glad you like japanesenatural i think it's very fun as well! tasty treat just for me. as for the orange poem it's literally my favorite poem of all time i read it for the first time like sitting in class and fully tearing up it's so good. happy fourth of july to you too! i hope you have many people to talk insects with bestie. as for gardens i literally killed my little cactus i kept in a window sooooo. oops. i'll leave that to u guys.

[splendidshinobi]

FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST 2003 LIVE REACT: EPISODES 21-25

almost halfway done lads how we feelin'

episode 21: the red glow

ah yes barry

"i'm alphonse elric!!!!!" yes u r baby!!!

who just popped over the wall

scar im assuming

"i kill therefore i am".....barry spouting descartes rn

it was scar haha

um

hi greed

thought i saw you earlier

WHY DID THEY DRAW HIS ARMS THAT LONG

ope he found the chimera crew...

jerry jewell's evil laugh gets me every time lmao he's so great

ed has deep philosophical talks bro

also ed is chaotic but his personal morals are unshakeable

who are these prison guards gonna release

oh hey kimblee

oh hey squad

ed take out ur pokeball

um wth is that

OH MY GOD TUCKER WHAT

EW

I THOUGHT IT WAS A GIANT YODA OR A SWAMP MONSTER

he looks FUCKKEDDDD

bro of all the things i was not expecting him

oof ishval flashbacks

young scar why is your hair brown

why is it white now

WHY IS HE NAKED

whos her

lust 1.0 im assuming

ew omg tucker is literally so fuckin nasty lookin idk

idk why but he's worse than rod reiss titan for me

wait a damn minute

wait a damn fucking minute

goddamnit

what is GOIN ON

i need tucker to stop whispering he sounds like fucking voldemort on the back of quirrells head

jesus

episode 22: created human

hughes' pajamas look like armin's futon from aot junior high

the bad place???? was that greed's prison gluttony was lookin at?

im still shook af over tucker and tbh its been like 24 hours since i watched episode 21

STOP WHISPERING TUCKER

driving me up a wall

my poor son looks so tired :(

those moral principles at it again

bradley.......

ewww the way tucker walks STOP

hi envy!!!!!

so all of those prisoner guys gonna get flattened by some alchemy

hey kimblee!!!

so did greed escape with the homies???? cause i feel like he would have made his presence known already....

i feel like im missing a lot because im a ding dong

musty prison kimblee is kinda...hot....physically speaking..oops..personality wise obviously there's MUCH to work on

so envy knows hohenheim

ED BABY

he won't do it

oh no alphonse

oh god memory implants

al's identity crisis CONTINUES

they wanna become humans??? huh....doesnt really make sense for their characters...(maybe envy but more on that at 11)

is ed gonna kill these guys for al

some1!!!!!! hold!!!!! me!!!! im so stressed

is he pretending to do it and he's got another plan up his sleeve!!!!????

honestly he's so depressed i cant even tell

those unshakable moral principles at work again i see

the red water can turn ed into a god???? wtf ed doesnt want to be a god he wants to punch god

oh theres the greed squad! i found them!!! is kimblee joining up with them

maria girly!!!!!!!

THE HOMUNCULI IN THEIR STUPID UNIFORMS I--

who's the lady. i need 2 know.

episode 23: fullmetal heart

alphonse is destroyed again

poor kid

"edward sir" brosh pls!!!

oh excuse me--- ***Bloch

The Ross Slap™

winry <3

pinako takes no prisoners

ed didnt you JUST tell brosh and ross they might be right that you needed to trust adults with more shit and now youre blowing off hughes

ed's DRAWINGS im-

hi sig hi izumi!!!

al is so sad over there in that corner

poor baby son

sometimes i feel like hughes and mustang are ed and al's divorced dads

the little arakawa avatar cows in the back im CRYING!!!!!!!

“bean”

snappy al

ooffffffff

omg hughes plz

elicia is precious though we love her

"dad's friend the bookworm" omg sheska

awwww gracia made edward a cake!!!!!!!

god catch me cryin in the club

CONGRATULATIONS

"whatever" al im crying he's so sad

AL MADE BROSH OR WHOEVER CARRY HIS DESTROYED ARMOR TO THE ROOF IM ACTUALLY YELLING

"you goof"

yes winry you are correct boy is a goof

sir you are being so dramatic

give that baby a hug

"so called brother"

so we all know that was a knife through the heart for ed

al just jumped off a FUCKING ROOF and ED TRIED TO FOLLOW

so im crying

i liked this better when they HAD A CONVERSATION ABOUT AL'S FEARS AND MADE THE FUCK UP

episode 24: bonding memories

guess we're gonna play w my emotions again

sometimes like....one bit characters talk...like villager b ya know? and im like who are you i know that voice

so the nasty military has come to ruin some lives again

and barry for some reason

aww poor al

youre real you are!!!!!!

i just feel like people would know people that wear sunglasses in the rain would be ishvalan

but what do i know

obviously they dont have the white hair thing in this version

poor ed is so sad

these boys need a hug 

let me just *pulls out adoption papers*

well if scar doesnt have queen mei to adopt in 03, he’s got this little toothless boy

dont lie al you do care

ew i dont like her

the drama of this boy

so the nasty military has come to ruin some lives again part 2

apparently they are *mercenaries??? excuse me

i have some questions regarding this kid’s mom

well you know i can see why this kid feels this way about his mom

it does look like she ran off...

al and scar dream team up

HEY ED!!! HEY WINRY!!!

bout time

yall gonna have this talk now????

barry STOPPPPPP

brotherhood barry is the true king there i said it

damn scar you baddie

barry like....you already knew him

anyway

WHAT THE HELL

NO RICKKK!!!!!!

someone save this boy!!!!

oh good his mom “saved” him

ah damn thats pretty tragic

she didnt know they were right in front of her

ow

well my questions were answered

so she attacks with grape fanta. thats one way to do it

ed looks like such an angry gremlin right now this is a heartwarming moment sir please

why are ed and scar being so civil right now this is so weird

bye scar

we’ll see him again

see you later scar

episode 25: words of farewell

maes who let you buy that awful pink suit 

gracia please it better not have been you

mustang ew please

dont open the door lookin like that

what the hell are you doing in here 

so hughes WASNT in ishval here?

i think that takes a lot away from his character but anyway

bradley hangs around like a creep at every possible instant

why would bradley care about ishvalan refugees like hughes cmon

“unspeakable crimes” BRADLEY YOU LITERALLY CANNOT TALK

juliet douglas is this lady’s name

only took me 1000 episodes to figure that out

ED AND AL??? NOT DEALING WITH DANGEROUS THINGS??????? dont make me laugh assholes theyre lying thru their teeth

izumi time lets go

wow we’re still going to rush valley? wasnt really expecting that tbh

elicia i LOVE you!!!!!

ew kimblee “hi”

how did he lightning himself like that

if i were ishvalan i would not go to the south....yet ANOTHER war torn region of amestris but ok

okay

an amestrian desert biker gang rolled up to wreak havoc

HUGHES AHAHAHA 

tbh i wouldnt want to tell roy anything either stupid bitch

anyway

um why do i feel like its hughes’ death episode

he would not be shown tucking elicia in to bed otherwise 

please im not ready to be hurt again

oh no

yeah he just learned something about our girl juliet

ive been waiting for this information 

he’s gonna die before we learn anything helpful

yupppppp

hey lust figured you’d show up sooner or later

i too wish i could look that sexy pulling a kunai out of my forehead

SLOTH????????

did girly just say SLOTH

i- nothing about her seems particularly slothy but ok

u know what!!!!!!!!!!!!

ENVY HEYYY

DUMBASS ROY JUST HAAAAAD TO LEAVE

haha famous last words

oof it hurts every time

not the FUNERAL scene no!

time for me to go 

peace out homies im dead inside

yes my brigadier general 

NOT THE RAIN

COME ONNNNNN

hughes is sneezing six feet under

was ed supposed to be looking at hughes’ ghost

um....right

[qazastra]

Thoughts on clothes

this is so vague raven thank you for responding to that ask post i reblogged

i like em. its very fun to wear clothes that i like even/especially when they’re a little obnoxious. can’t wait till it gets colder outside so i can wear LAYERS again... catch me with neon fishnets and a plaid skirt and a striped turtleneck with another shirt over That one... oooooh im excited. more is more that’s my philosophy. also death to fast fashion please! though it is marvelously entertaining to see what the industry comes up with it’s not worth the human rights violations. cheap fashionable clothes RULE but there must be a better way. also haute couture and labels and especially supreme is a scam. pay for the labor don’t pay for the name!! and honestly idk how i feel about the Fashion Industry... like... clothes are to be worn. if they don’t make you happy why bother putting any effort into picking them out just to follow trends or Look Good if you don’t really love what you’re wearing. personally i love looking like an absolute buffoon and clown every so often.

more thoughts under the cut because i just kept rambling

ALSO it fucks me up how many labels that put a lot of effort into their lines ‘for women’ are designed by MEN??? i’ve never understood that and i dont think i ever will lmao Let the Ladies Design...

also SUSTAINABLE FASHION!!!! you love to see it. never but something new if you can get it secondhand. this goes double for leather goods if they’re in good shape. i don’t like pleather, leather lasts a super long time if you take care of it and bonus it’s not plastic. always mend your clothes if you can and donate your old clothes or resell them (for rEASONABLE prices! please don’t be like those people on depop selling clothes for $30 they bought at amvets for 3 bucks... like yeah i wish i could make money that way too but it’s Just Not Quite Ethical now is it)

side note it also fucks me up how workwear is In Style right now??? like dickies and overalls?? had a friend who i assume is relatively wealthy (wealthier than me at least) buy an entire new outfit to go walk in the woods and it included some dickie’s overalls. girl. i get that you want to look like a ‘cute little train conductor’ (direct quote) or whatever but idk it just rubs me the wrong way, maybe that’s a me problem?? like i have a pair of dickies work pants that i literally wear to work for my dad when we’re painting or stripping woodwork. and i think they look sick bc of the paint splatters and stuff so i wear them normally too. but. they’re actual work pants. this is in the sam vein as whoever just made an ikea bag and tried to sell it for hundreds of dollars. pathetic. if you’re gonna be a big name expensive fancy fashion house then at LEAST do something interesting???? baffles me how many simply do not sometimes (or at least a few years ago when minimalism and normcore were The Things)

but yeah i love clothes so much and i love fashion subcultures so much!! i got really into english-speaking lolita fashion youtube for a while a few months ago and it was pretty cool. also i see a group of people in black with like green hair and shabby clothes like they just stepped out of the 90s grunge scene and i go feral on the inside like: YOU GUYS LOOK SO FUCKINGKUGG COOL OMFG......... my dream is to absolutely Dive In to multiple fashion subcultures but like switch it up every day. so one day i’d be like fairy kei, then the next it’d be 80s berlin punk, then 2005 garage rock revival strokes copycat band, then next it’d be hawaiian shirt bisexual, then architecture professor, then kpop idol with one dangly earring, then like flowy prarie girl or whatever, then what lovenikki dress Up queen thinks street style is, then luna lovegood, you get the picture. you get it. at this point honestly my greatest limitation is the physical size of my closet.

hope that was vague and specific enough to answer your ask lmao

have a wonderful night yall

[personagf-moved]

alphabet & soft questions ✨

I was tagged by my bb’s @prksjmiin (alphabet ask) and @joonieblossoms (soft ask) and i didn’t want to make two separate posts so im gonna apologize in advance bc i decided to stick both posts together :’) dkdkkdkd yall aint gotta read everything but if u do ily and im sorry i write novels on novels dlfksdkf

i’ll tag @koyasdad, @1ovegf, @joonlit, @sleepyyyoongs, @constellationstars and @capgi 💘

honestly feel free to do either one or both or none if u want dkkdkdkd i just wanted to tag u guys bc ily

Alphabet ask:

a // age: 21

b // birthplace: new jersey!

c // current time: 1:17 am

d // drink you had last: coffee

e // easiest person to talk to: my brother when he isnt being an absolute fool

f // favorite songs: 

aint it fun - paramore

trivia love 

honey - kehlani

abbey - mitski

moonlight - ariana grande

g // grossest memory: i was in the city one time and a bird shit on my forehead. i think about it at least twice a week 

h // horror yes or horror no:  H O R R O R   Y E S   B A B E E E Y Y Y Y Y Y Y im the absolute worst person i’ll dead ass watch a scary movie/video or read horror stories by myself just bc. 

i // in love: with my whole ass soulmate namjoon. i luv u string bean man

j // jealous of people: im not even gonna try to lie i am a very jealous person and i am so sorry about it but i really cant help it lmfao. blame my scorpio venus i guess

k // kids of your own someday: when i say i have been thinking about this everyday.........! i wanna have it all i want the kids the white picket fence the dream house everything. i cant wait to be a mommy one day and love n support my bb’s :’)

l // love at first sight or should i walk by again: we a whole ass fool on main and believe in love at first sight!!!! i really do believe soulmates are a true thing and if a love is destined to be across an infinite span of lifetimes and universes then it will always find its way back. when you know, you know, and i genuinely believe that. 

m // middle name: padilla

n // number of siblings: 1 older brother, 1 half brother (older), and 1 half sister (older)

o // one wish: to find true love

p // person you last called: my manager bc i had a work question lol

q // question you’re always asked: “why are you like this” (usually friends @ me when i wild out...which is like everyday), “are you mad?”, “how old are you REALLY?”, “how’s your brother?” (bc he ghosts all family n i have to speak on his behalf like always fsdfjksdf)

r // random fact about you: i once used a horrible bootleg copy of the force awakens to make a star wars crack video dubbing the part in shrek when he first meets donkey over the scene when rey first met bb-8 and it went viral and has like 200,000 notes and even had articles written about it. also i had a weird fascination with jar jar binks and danny devito when i was in high school and i had a habit of making either one of them my icon on school accounts so i could make people laugh when they emailed me or saw me in a word document skfkkkfkf

s // song you last sang: “abbey” by mitski :’(

t // time you woke up: exactly 10 this morning and it was weird bc i picked up my phone and it had JUST turned 10 when i looked i was so shook lol 

u // underwear colour: she be black 

v // vacation destination: paris bc im a basic bitch :’) also japan/all asian countries. i wanna connect with my roots more :/

w // worst habit: yeeting the fuck outta people’s lives when i think they’re getting too close/when i get overwhelmed. im sorry im a flighty bitch @ anyone i’ve ever ghosted :( i love anyone who’s ever tried to talk to me and its never ur fault, i just get the urge to escape sometimes and i’m trying to fix it 

x // x-rays: omg @ tori dead ass me too tho, i had x-rays when i broke my arm when i was around 6 :o

y // your favorite food: my mom’s spaghetti! and sushi. also i love any and all filipino food but specifically i like nilaga and kare-kare oooo baby

z // zodiac sign: we’re a proud libra sun 

Soft ask:

What’s the smell of your shampoo?

we got them fruity scents up in here we keep that shit smellin like a goddamn strawberry field take a fuckin whiff babes

What’s your aesthetic?

the moon and stars, soft pink and purple sunsets with a burning red on the horizon, sunrises as well, paintings and generally all art revolving around flowers and the celestial, pretty pastel pink and yellow, the sound and smell of rain falling against the window while being curled up in bed uwu 

What’s your favorite time of the day and why?

lately it’s been night time. i generally get more creative and feel more at home during the night. i miss being a morning person tho. 

What do you most like about the beach?

not a lot fklsjdjfkslkdflksdlkf i usually only go to get a tan and walk the boardwalk with my friends, but if i had it my way i would never step foot in the ocean for the rest of my life sdjdjdjdjsj we dont trust her!!!!!!!!!

What do you worry about constantly?

when i’m gonna figure out what i wanna do with my life lol. i took a year off to think about it but all i ended up doing was working myself to exhaustion and getting comfy in a work only mindset and now i’m only even more confused about what i want to pursue. i’m just glad im going to chicago next week because i feel like a change of setting for even just a week could give me a much needed reset on my mindset going into the next year. i worry about the future but the problem is i worry about the present too lol. oh well, we’ll figure it out!

What is a song you’ve cried to before?

oh boy...

trivia love

moonchild

first love

she used to be mine - waitress soundtrack

20 something - sza

26 - paramore

the letter - kehlani

landslide - fleetwood mac

when you see my friends - mayday parade

and many........many many more...... skskskks music is my main emotional outlet so naturally im gonna cry over anything that reflects my heart

What are some relaxing tips for your followers?

as The World’s Number One Most Stressed Out Human Being™️ i am definitely in no way fit to give advice on how to relax LMFAO 

but i guess something that always works for me is putting on music i KNOW will make me sing a long or make me happy to distract me from the nerves i’m feeling. also putting on my favorite comfort movies to make me feel better (they’re big fish, scott pilgrim vs the world, and spirited away btw lol)

 What are some things that make you tear up?

the ending of coco, seeing my mom cry, or anyone i love cry tbh, when children are neglected/abused, thinking about the world i’ll have to bring my future children into and how i’m going to be able to teach them to stay strong and bright in the face of it, lyrics that hit too close to home, absolutely anything tbh i cry easy

What is your favorite from each sense?

sight - the view of my cherry blossom tree against a pink sunset in the spring of my childhood home, a person’s eyes and how they light up when they smile, especially when they crinkle as they laugh

smell - the earth after rain, a forest in autumn

taste - my mom’s cooking, good coffee on an early morning

sound - beautiful melodies and harmonies to accompany them, a baby cooing, birds chirping at sunrise

touch - my pillow when its nice and cool, a cat’s tummy, a baby’s cheeks, fingers running through my hair

What is an alternative reality you’d like to live in?

one where im married to namjoon n we have a lot of smart musical prodigy babies who have his dopey smile and i live comfortably in our big ass home in korea where i raise our babies n get that good pipe down every night like i should

jk i wanna live in a reality where magic is real and i can cast spells and live my best life as the true witch that i am

What are some troubles you face on a daily basis?

for starters im ugly as shit so theres one

if we mean practically then i have really bad knees and i recently busted them again so its been really hard getting up and down stairs lately and bending over 

but idk theres not really much. emotionally i just tend to get withdrawn and timid in public so it can be hard for me to speak up when i go out

What is one scene from a book that makes you really sad?

unfortunately i haven’t read as many books lately as i did when i was younger...so a lot of my memories are from books that i read like as a kid lol......THAT BEING SAID i think rue and finnick’s death in the hunger games was truly heartbreaking to read, the spine of my copies of both books have cracks on those pages bc i had to read it several times just to really believe it. also i thought it was written so heart wrenchingly well that i had to go back.  also in looking for alaska when pudge, a man who loved to know people’s last words, realized that he would never know alaska’s last words. im also really thankful for that book bc it introduced me to wh auden’s poetry and to this day he’s still one of my favorite poets of all time.  

Say something to your followers:

thank you thank you thank you thank you THANK YOU for following me and for some reason deciding to stay after how many times i act up on the daily. all jokes aside i really appreciate every single one of you no matter the number and i sincerely hope that you always have love and joy in your heart and that 2019 treats you well. i HONESTLY mean it when i say that i am always here if you guys want to talk or send me things or roast me or talk shit seriously i wanna hear it all and talk about it all i think all of you are so interesting and so beautiful and i’d love to get to know more about you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS! yeet!

[lovedeluxe92]

okay so i started working at jimmy johns in early febuary of this year. i needed a job rlly bad and money desperately, just something to keep me afloat and to afford food. what i experienced...i was not at all prepared for lmao. i was sexually harassed, verbally harassed, had my hours fucked with, had management and even the owners of the company who could give a fuck less about their employees, had to deal with my fellow coworkers AND managers being on k2 and other drugs, and the final fucking straw which was getting my tip money stolen from me OUT OF THE SAFE BY A MANAGER. i started working as a delivery driver. which was INCREDIBLY stress inducing at first bc i worked at the one right downtown. i had to deal with

i started working as a delivery driver. which was INCREDIBLY stress inducing at first bc i worked at the one right downtown. i had to deal with

traffic, pedestrians NOT LOOKING WHERE THE FUCK THEY WERE GOING DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY PPL I ALMOST KILLED CAUSE /THEY/ DID NOT LOOK, we have ‘parking police’ and i legit got about 15-20 tickets during my time there bc that asshole was out for blood and anytime he saw my car, even if i wasnt parked illegally (oh did i mention we had like 3 parking spots all on the street and all with a 2 hour limit (: ) or hadnt been parked in a spot for the full 2 hours. so there was that. 

see when i first started everything was fine. we had good employees who worked hard and did what they had to do. they were all stoners, but whatever i could care less about that. SO. our assistant manager, he was a mess. racist, homophobic, rude, loud. the worst. we would do dabs out in his car (yeah i know but i worked at a fucking jimmy johns) and he would just say the most questionable shit. i remember this one time he saw my phone background was a pic of me and my bf and was like ‘oh you like black guys? what’s your sex like? i bet it’s really good’ and im not gonna go into too much detail here, bc it upset me and its racist,  but he kept going and said some REALLY creepy shit i was like wtf and told him to never speak to me like that again or i would report him for sexual harassment (side note: one time he thought i did report him for sexual harassment and was like “who are you gonna buy weed from now?” LITERALLY ANYONE YOU PIECE OF SHIT.) he would always be like “DAMN THICK’ whenever i would bend over and do everything. I TOLD MY MANAGER AT THE TIME. she  didn’t do anything. AND the owners of the franchise definitely knew bc like...there’s cameras and they can hear everything we say? but no one did fucking anything. and i needed the money bad so i had to stay. of course i told him off constantly. he was white and always saying the n word. just a piece of fucking shit. 

i think the happiest day of my life was when he FINALLY got fired. my manager had to go to another city for a week and help out that jimmy johns bc i guess ALL the employees and managers did a walk out (yeah this happens at all the jimmy johns owned locally in my area i wish i was kidding) and left his inept ass in charge. it took him 5 mins to make sandwiches (FREAKY FAST hello????) he was just a poor manager. but THEN he started using k2 again. and he was a zombie. there was no point of him even being there bc like he would just go to the back of the store and just stand in front of the freezer door staring for like 10-15 mins at a time.i was a driver and didnt know how to make sandwiches yet and this bitch seriously was just standing there cracked out of his mind on k2 in FRONT of customers (and i will say our customers were SO nice at least) takking phone calls slurring his words. it was embarrassing. i rememeber i had 2 customers who had waited almost a HALF HOUR for ONE sandwich bc i was having a panic attack and losing my fucking mind trying to make their sandwiches while he was in his truck getting high and refusing to come in. one of the customers actually gave me a tip and told me i was doing great and the other one was like ‘im so sorry this is happening to you, that guy is  fucked up’. anyway, he passed out on k2 in his truck one night and got the cops called on him and got banned from the property :) i still saw him from time to time and he looked disgusting & miserable and it made me so happy. 

mostly we just had grown ass employees, fucking 30 year olds, just acting like children. always on drugs. i had one coworker pretend to slap my ass and i called him out and he was like ‘it’s a joke im not apologizing’. people would try to take deliveries from me. AND LET ME JUST SAY, not even to fucking brag even slighly but i was the best worker there my entire time there bc regardless of where im working i am giving my 100% every day and no one else there would. but ppl always tried to step over me and did not respect me. we had one coworker who had 3 felonies and one day like 4-5 cops came to our store to tell us to call the cops the next time he showed up for work (surprise surprise he fled bc they took an hour to get to the store despite the fact we were literally like not even 4 blocks from the police station) and he was always high on k2. forever late. day after day no call no show. he had his friend get hired on who would go down to subway and talk shit about subway in his uniform??? lmao and subway called us one day and was like ‘can yall not?’ he also threatened to burn down the store and then my manager (who was always on a power trip if we’re being honest) purposefully withheld his paycheck to fuck with him, because he was fucking with her, so we dealt with him WAY longer than we should have? 

then this one bitch that became manager, SOMEHOW, we were seriously always that desperate for staff and we hire anyone bc the managers are overworked af and just want to take the load off. anyway, SHE was always high on k2 as well. and she would always overshare rlly traumatic personal things from her life to me and all the customers and its like....girl we dont wanna hear that pls try and get some help. she was not currently being abused, i wanna specify. she was talking about things from her past. i sympathized with her but like im a victim of dv too lmao i dont wanna see your bruises without being asked first. and then i remember one day i left my money bag there (i kept my tips in it and had like $37 in there or something) and this bitch who was making MORE MONEY THAN ME seriously fucking went into the safe (we caught her on camera lmao) and stole that money out of my bag and left a few bills to make it seem less suspicious i guess??? lied about it to my face? then quit bc she ‘wasnt gonna sit there and be accused of something i didnt do’ like ok lmao

then to top it all off at one point my old manager just stopped giving a fuck and the store went to shit and we got complaint after complaint and she started being so rude to all of her staff, including myself (and we were like besties so i was devastated) and she cut my hours when she was submitting our work times for the checks because i would clock in early to help out....LIKE SHE ASKED? and it was just everything i said to her...her response was just the most rude and hateful voice and just....it was so rude. i cried every single day after work. she eventually got replaced and then quit 

but then this new manager, whom i loved, was very depressed and just had a lot wrong with him mentally but he was still very....drama starting and attention seeking. he would talk about suicide nonstop 24/7 and not to be callous but it just made me so uncomfortable and triggered me so much? they did overwork him and i will attest and agree to that and he had a lot on his shoulders but he couldve gone to mcdonalds literally any day and gotten a job with better hours, better pay, and better benefits. i kept telling him over and over to leave bc he had so much managerial experience he couldve been hired anywhere! all resteraunts down here are perpetually hiring, especially for managers! i would know bc i was looking for another job lmao. but he’d text me every night saying things like ‘well lets hope i drink myself to death’ ‘suicide is painless’ etc. and it was just......VERY uncomfortable for me, as someone who has attempted suicide and still struggles with ideation from time to time lmao it was just the most triggering environment ever 

like idk how i lasted that long but i worked my ass off, saved up my money, have a good paying job and im trying my best to forget this entire experience (honestly i did have some good times) but i really dont....think i can lmao 

ON A POSTIVE NOTE: we had some of the kindest and most caring customers ive ever had in my life. i was shocked. but the amount of times i had a shitty customer in my entire time there i can count on one hand lmao like....even when they were shitty they were like ‘im sorry i know yall work hard and everything’ like i miss my customers SO MUCH because we actually had relationships with them and shit and ugh god. if the customers were shitty tho i would never have kept this job lmfao 

i stayed at this job simply bc i made enough money for rent and my bills perfectly and it was one of the few jobs where i was paid an hourly wage + tips. and i wanted my next job to be a job in my field. that’s why i stuck around so long, it took some time to do that.

so yeah theres my mess i love anyone who read this and you can have my first born and be the beneficiary to my life insurance when i die

[edgyval-archive]

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐ valentine's interaction boundariez

(pls interact, thin ice, dni)

last updated 8/14/2022

figured i should make one big post for this instead ov sporadically updating my pinned.. note that this is subject to change,, and you should probably check in like once a month to see if you still do/dont fall under the dni!! >_<

when i say dni i mean do not at all interact.. don't follow me,, reblog my terms*,, follow my main blog, nothing. however you may still use my terms if you're comfy**,,

* (unless you have an alt account for xenogender hoarding,, then you can reblog on that account specifically..)

** (obvious exceptionz come in here.. like,, terfs/swerfs, enby skeptics,, anti-mogai,, bc like why the hell would they use xenos in the first place..

i also do not want endos using my terms,, for my own comfort

(exceptionz will have an asterisk & parenthesis explanation down below.. idk how to explain it)

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐ PLZ INTERACT >w<

plz interact w me if any ov the following appliez 2 u!! (⁠≧⁠▽⁠≦⁠)

"cringy" ppl (furriez, emo, scenekidz, xenogender hoarderz, etc)!!

hexd/nightcore fanz!!

sparklecare hospital fanz!!

nonhuman (otherkin, therian, etc)!!

voidpunk!!

autistic!!

goreshit fanz!!

evaboy/figure skater/miya lowe fanz!!

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐ THIN ICE X_X

you risk being blocked iv these apply to u,, but we may be able to sort something out.. >_<

doesnt understand neopronounz/typing quirkz/the like

use the > symbol when quoting thingz

imagine dragonz fanz

find "fatherless" jokes funny

make fun ov pplz death (not including queen lizzy)

think furriez r "weird"

bnha fans

gacha life users

uses slurs A LOT

dislikes my special interestz

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐ DNI OmO

do not interact with this blog if any ov the following applies to you;;

note that this is just stuff that applies to the mogai space.. my full dni (on my carrd) has some info that,, while unrelated to mogai,, could be pretty important..

dsmp fans regardless ov iv u support the creators or not (doesnt include fictives/introjects that are heavily critical of the media)

(pro-) endo/demo/tulpa*

anti-mogai (tf u doin here??)

fans ov the boyfriends webtoon (irls who r critical ov their source r fine but pls specify that on ur profile or smth)

truscum/transmed

unironically use terms like traumascum/sysmed

against typing quirks

terf/swerf

aspec/arospec exclus/think aros or aces shouldn't be in the lgbt

think pronouns=gender

(pro-) maps/p3d0s

(pro-) z00s/b34st14l1ty

proship/comship/anti-anti/profic/whatever else yall mfs call urselves**

nonbinary skeptic/think ppl need dysphoria to be trans

anti-self dx with research (they're only trying to figure themselves out..)

autism speaks supporter (im autistic myselv & hate them with a passion..)

anti-blm/acab/support the p0l1ce

cringe/flop blog

nsfw blog

against trans boys being feminine

pro-abuse/abuser, harrassers, people who think "kys" (and related) is an acceptable thing to say to another entity in any case

send anonymous death threats/support toyhouse drama blogs

if you have a typing quirk that involves putting right arrow brackets (ex.. "> hi can you do a gender based on X?" "hi, im looking for a gender based on X> thanks>>) ***

* (im uncomvy with endoz themselves using my terms,, but supporters can if theyre comvy doing so..)

** (people in recovery from proshipping, that are minors, are fine.. i was recently informed that most minors who do it were groomed into the mindset and i wish them a good recovery..)

*** my ex had that same typing quirk,,,,,, it just reminds me ov him.. ,,,,, please stay away,, as its a trigger.. sorry.. /gen

additionally,, for your own sake pls dont interact if youre uncomfy with my views on certain topics.. (here's the masterlist)

_________ ׂׂૢ་༘࿐ my current banner

it doesn't have everything but it has most ov what someone would need,, i guess..

[sd1d-enthusiast]

A big fuck you to everyone who prioritized the "rights" of a sasaeng who literally went on sns and bragged abt the phone calls she was getting over showing some basic concern over Baekhyun's rights as a VICTIM in this situation. HE was the one being harassed, having to deal with stalker issues, put in a situation where his privacy and rights were violated but ALL people want to focus on is whether or not he gave the right number? Whether or not the poor SASAENG is being harassed? Even if the number given was somehow wrong or changed to a new owner, how the actual fuck to people find the nerve to BLAME him in this situation? 

Mess me with the “idols are people too!” mantra fake woke kpop stans like to sing, when obviously none of you care about the the stress and turmoil someone who has been harassed by sasaengs CONSTANTLY must be feeling, not when yall JUMPED on the chance to find a mistake in what he did instead of taking this chance to idk...CONDEMN sasaeng culture which has proven to be extremely dangerous and caused insane harm to celebrities, to the point of death. It’s great knowing the priorities of kpop stans, specifically certain fandoms and antis, lie instead in protecting the honour of potential criminals just so they can drag Baekhyun and EXO’s name through the mud. Transparent af.  I hope that everyone who defended the sasaeng just to shit on him are happy now. Now next time you wonder why idols dont speak up or defend themselves, why they have to cater to all the crazy fans wishes, why they can’t even say “no”...look at what happened here. An idol once again made to feel guilty for calling out his criminal stalker. Nice.

[wickymicky]

i got tagged by @chuukitten like a month ago lmao oops

rules: answer 21 questions and tag 21 people (im too lazy lol im sorry i just like to talk about myself so thats what im gonna do HAHA)

im gonna put this under a read more cause it got long

1. nickname: my bf calls me cube

2. zodiac: i dont do zodiac shit lol sorry

3. height: i dont actually know, im bad with remembering things like that

4. hogwarts house: the “fuck jk rowling” house (okay fine im hufflepuff)

5. last thing i googled: farmersonly… dont worry about it

6. favorite musicians: i mean yall know my kpop ones haha… loona, dreamcatcher, fromis 9, pentagon, exid, red velvet, twice, eyedi, weki meki, etc……. outside of kpop oh man where do i begin… its tough cause ive basically only listened to kpop in 2019 but okay so i’d say the band idles, death grips, grimes, streetlight manifesto, huh idk i have a lot that i like but i dont know who else i would consider my “favorites” at the moment

7. song stuck in my head: right now its pirate king by ateez

8. following: 1800 lol

9. followers: on this blog 264, but 724 on my main

10. do you get asks: occasionally

11. amount of sleep: i should sleep way, way more than i do

12. what are you wearing: pajamas

13. dream job: hmmm. i mean i dont dream of working, i dont have a dream “job”, but if the question is about my dream “thing i wanna do a lot of in my life” then i guess my answer is… idk… something where i can just engage in whatever is interesting to me at the moment. like in the vein of my tumblr blogs where i can just post and talk about stuff im interested in. idk if that means being a youtuber or journalist or just someone who does something else and engages in my interests as a hobby, but yeah. or something to do with linguistics of course. though like i dont wanna be a teacher and thats basically the only path lmao (that i would even consider, anyway)

14. dream trip: you know i dont actually have a lot of interest in travel. idk, it stresses me out. i cant think about going places without worrying about how i’ll get around, what i’ll be doing, what i’ll be able to eat since i have a lot of food anxieties… idk. if someone i love wanted to go on a trip with me i’d probably be down, but i dont really know on my own.

15. instruments: i wish i could do music lol

16. languages: are amazing and i love them. okay fine lol i only speak english, but i took german in middle and high school, i took latin in high school as well, then took latin and ancient greek in college, and then after college i did a lot of looking into hungarian, vietnamese, a little bit of indonesian, turkish, and polish, and then recently i’ve been pretty focused on korean for obvious reasons. i speak none of those languages tho, lol. if i heard someone speaking some of those i could get the gist of what types of things theyre talking about most likely, but honestly my whole thing with languages is that im more interested in learning about the intricacies of how languages work and especially how they change over time than i am in actually learning the language. i’d love if my dumb adhd brain allowed me to focus hard enough and really commit to becoming fluent in a second language because so far i’ve only steadily approached being barely conversational, i’ve never actually reached even that point yet lol. and being only fluent in english makes me feel like a stupid american lol. i pick up bits of language really easily, but the rigor of learning ALL the vocab and ALL the little details you need to become actually fluent is where i fall off. 

like whenever i go through an anime phase, i pick up lots and lots of japanese. like if they keep using a word i’ll see it in the subtitles and figure that it must mean that, and then i’ll pay attention to the endings they use and how they inflect it and i’ll make little inferences about what those signify, so then when i hear a word that i dont recognize but it has a grammatical ending that i know, i can infer the meaning of the word from context, and im going through this same learning process with korean now and it’s super super fun and i’m loving how much progress ive made (though i could have been making progress like three times as fast if i was actually taking a korean class)… but the actual work of learning common phrases, learning the sheer volume of vocab, all that stuff… yeah that’s where i fall off. so idk how fluent i’ll get in korean, but i’m down to find out, lol. maybe this is the one i’ll really try to focus on and achieve it with!

17. 10 favorite songs as of now: of all time????? um okay i cant possibly do that without spending a looong time thinking about it, so i’ll just do the first ten songs that come to my mind when i think of songs that i adore more than most others

keep the streets empty for me by fever ray

colossus by idles

watch it crash by streetlight manifesto

lucky girl by fazerdaze

realiti (demo) by grimes

egoist by loona (olivia hye)

picky picky by weki meki

mother by idles

peekaboo by red velvet

hi high by loona

18. if you were an animal: red panda maybe haha

19. favorite food: pizza cause im a garbage trash person

20. random fact: idk... if yall couldnt tell and didnt already know this, i’m a linguist haha. i went to school for linguistics, i majored in linguistics and classics (latin, ancient greek, etc) though honestly i was only into the languages, roman and greek history is cool and all but not really what i’m most into. majoring in classics was a mistake lol but oh well. i didnt end up graduating though because of unrelated reasons.... adhd, depression, just a general sense that the way the whole system works just wasnt made for me and it didnt click with me and ive never been good at forcing myself to be good at school... and like i was tired of hearing from professors that i have “a very organized mind when it comes to linguistics stuff” (something a greek professor said that meant a lot to me) or that i “understand how language works better than most other students my age” and that im a natural and that its impressive how nuanced my understanding of these concepts is.... while also failing or almost failing all of the classes whose professors said that about me. like basically all those statements were followed by a “, but” or a “, so if you just-”.... sigh. so i guess i’m not “actually” a linguist. whatever “actually” means there. 

so other random fact i guess, which is still related but anyway... i have a conlang! that’s a constructed language. ive been working on a language for like 6 or 7 years. its at a state right now where it’s not really something i can just like... speak? it was at one point, maybe. but basically what i like to do is try out various ideas i have about language and phonology and morphology, so my language is kind of like a sandbox lol. if youre a scientist you conduct experiments, if youre a linguist i think you should try making a conlang. its not a common hobby but its something i spend an unconscionable amount of time thinking about lol. like basically 24/7. i’m almost always thinking about my word for x thing im seeing or thinking about, or like some sound change i heard that some language had, and how that would sound if applied to the words in my language... 

like the reason my language isnt at a point right now where i can speak it is because getting into korean has made me think about massively reconfiguring how the grammar works. its always been kinda like latin and german, cause those are what i was taking when i started, and then it got kinda like ancient greek, so the grammar has/had a lot of complicated conjugations that are just honestly so superfluous... its such a mess lol... i have a much better understanding of how those systems come about in language now, so even if i remake my language to have verb conjugations like latin or greek, it’d be a much more coherent and natural system than the one thats existed in my language for years... but after learning about hungarian and korean in particular, i really wanna try making it a lot more logical like those languages are. but my big thing is phonology (speech sounds), so i just get hung up on sound changes and cool new consonants and vowels to add, so i keep putting off actually fixing my language lol. also ive become attached to my awful, amateurish words haha. im so bad at this... a real conlanger like tolkien or the dude who made the languages for game of thrones would look at mine and scoff haha. most of my words are just straight up stolen from words in latin, german, many others, but predominantly... english. i just mangle english words and call it my own lol, and ive been trying to replace those words with original ones that i made up arbitrarily... like my word for nose is just “nass” and my word for dog is “handir” which is just based on english “hound” and german “Hund” and stuff lol. i wanna change those

21. my aesthetic: if you actually read this long ass post, you know that my aesthetic is just “too much information” but not in a sexy way or even an interesting way

[s3venpounds]

1 - 102

ASK MEE RIDICULOUSLY PERSONAL THINGSSSSSSSSSSSS YEEEEEEEEEEEE i love this shit

thanks for the ask anon, at this point im sure yall already know everything about me but hey whats a couple more questions c:

1.) what’s a song you depict with your childhood?

YIKES tough right off the bat huh? it would have to be the opening to digimon frontier ayyyyyyyyyy i still listen to that shit every fucking month. its that or disney’s hercules i can go the distance that shit was just MMMMMMM good shit2.) did you have a memorable childhood pet?

yep a blue and white love bird my family called quick silver we taught it to do adorable little tricks like pick up our pencils when we do homework and it rolls away3.) have you ever been drunk?

hehe yeah fun times4.) have you ever tried drugs?

yup! curious about trying more hard drugs but also i dont wanna get addicted or like idk die/get arrested5.) have you ever completely regretted what you’ve said?

ALL THE FUCKING TIME. infact at work i told a customer we didnt have a thing and the customer was like whats that right behind u, and it was the thing they were looking for i felt so stupid lmao6.) have you ever made someone cry?

yeah.7.) has someone ever made you cry?

yeah.8.) have you ever been in love? if so, describe the moment you knew it.

honestly idk if i ever have been in love. I would think that i have but yknow you never know what the future holds so looking back something in the past could pale in comparison to something in the future9.) which came first the chicken or the egg?

the chicken, evolved from some other bird10.) are you part of the lgbtq+ community? do you support them?

dunno if im part of the community by status but i wholeheartedly approve and support them. speaking just for myself though I just think I’m me and nothing else. whether im non binary or male or female or something else doesn’t matter to me. im attracted to who im attracted to, feel what i feel, and do what i want with a hint of salt. If plants can have like 10 000 genders or whatever, then anyone can be whatever they want unless its something fucked up like age fluid lmao if youre 60 youre 60 even if you have the “mind of a 14 year old”11.) how many siblings do you have?

412.) have you ever been in love with someone you couldn’t love?

yeah in fact just recently13.) are you a good cook?

fuck no. i fucking wish tho, not even a good cook i just wanna be able to copy recipes on tasty’s facebook page hahaha14.) what is your favorite tv show?

right now i dont have one and i definitely dont watch tv shows often unless you count anime then haikyuu!! or My hero Academia15.) what is the last movie you cried during?

i think it was a tyler perry movie something about a funeral and a family reunion honestly i cry when any movie has a really strong family sorta bonding specially if the family was broken at first and they all healed together and became closer as a result16.) what are songs you’ve cried to when you first heard them? (if any)

none, i did cry whe i was listening to wild wild love by GRL and pitbull for some reason? 17.) do you have a middle name?

nope i do have a nickname given to me by distant relatives18.) have you been out of your country?

yeah thankfully ive been out of canada multiple times19.) are you a chocolate fan or not?

love chocolate in fact im drinking hot chocolate right now, little cold going on so i need it20.) how many people have you kissed?

lips? less than 15, in general no matter where? couldnt count21.) what is your favorite album?

the only album i loved in its entirety has been marianas trench master piece theatre22.) what is your dream car?

2003 dodge viper23.) what is your lucky/favorite number?

i always wanted to be ironic and say 13 but i’ve kinda been leaning towards 10 like hinata’s jersey number24.) what is your favorite flower?

lilacs cuz the color25.) books or movies, why?

movies, less thinking for me26.) have you ever been on a blind date?

nope but i’d love to try it27.) has one of your friends ever backstabbed you?

yep28.) have you ever backstabbed one of your friends?

i dont think i have? not consciously.29.) what thing do you symbolize love with?

an act of self sacrifice or something handmade or personally tailored to the individual receiving30.) do you have neat handwriting?

i adore neat handwriting! its like a breath of fresh air, simple and precise to read, and it feels like you can read faster when it is31.) do you have a friend with benefits?

nope but i’d love to have one!32.) do you want a friend with benefits?

just said but yeah i’d love one!33.) if you could be anything in the world, what would you be?

A hero.34.) have you ever been blackout drunk?

nope but my body refuses to drink any more alcohol once i get to my good buzz point. like all alcohol makes me wanna throw up the second i get past the point its almost like my mind and body are two seperate beings lmao35.) have you ever met someone famous?

i think i have? one time when i went bowling with some relatives, there was a crowd gathering around this blonde dude who was playing house of the dead and this one guy in the crowd approached me saying “ do you know who he is? hes famous?” and then i blanked out after that because i just wanted to watch someone play and mentally check out for an hour36.) how many concerts have you been to?

3 concerts! all which were very fun !37.) which concerts have you been to?

one was an ed sheeran concert for his divide album, another was a marianas trench concert in klondike days edmonton, and the last was a country concert im not sure who it was my sister wanted me to go with her38.) do you have a hidden talent?

i can match any generation 1 pokemon just from their cries some generation 2 but beyond that only a handful from each other generation39.) what do you do when you’re stressed?

masturbate. honestly its the only sure fire thing i’ve done that clears my head for the longest time and relaxes me lmao40.) do you think money can buy love?

of course! just depends how you use it! like if youre just throwing money at random people like “hey love me” itll be fake, but if you say, pay off a struggling student’s loans in full and give em a good fresh start im sure theyll be grateful to you for years to come. or if you pay for someone to get super super expensive surgery so they can die from old age rather than a disease or something then yeah they’d love you forever41.) how old would you date?

honestly not sure, i havent really tried dating anyone a lot older than me i usually date within 4-5 years older or younger? though i dont think i’d see a problem dating someone 10 years older than me42.) have you ever done something illegal?

hehe. ye.43.) what is your biggest fear?

death. too long to elaborate44.) what is an unusual fear you have?

fear of what happens after death45.) can you drive?

nope but i plan to learn how to and take my exam within the next 2 ish months46.) do you believe in supernatural creatures?

of course! as many evolutions that were made common place theres bound to be evolutions that somehow spurred legends and mysteries47.) do you believe in karma?

of course! 100% of the time i expect some stranger to just walk up to me and start slapping me or punching me or throwing water or soda in my face for something i did, though i also prepare myself to say” okay i probably deserved that but can i ask why?”48.) what is one quality you need in your partner?

need to love physical affection, if not i dont think i can last with them, physical affection is so important to me its just as important as saying i love you, it like reassures me that theyre there with me in that moment and that theyre happy and just. physical stuff tells me a lot ok49.) do looks matter?

on first impression? oh hell yeah. keep in mind strictly first impression. im not gonna cut off a potential friendship or relationship because someones not my type or whatever i cut people off if they do something fucked up and horrible50.) does size matter?

to some people im not one of them51.) who is the last person you forgave?

I can’t really remember, i forgive people for small stuff all the time but with big personal mistakes i usually hold grudges52.) what is your favorite ice cream flavor?

French Vanilla53.) what languages can you speak besides english?

none but i plan to learn sign language eventually that and visaya54.) ever been on a plane?

yep! i’ve been out of the country so that definitely means by plane i dont know anyone who goes on roadtrips long enough to get out of the country55.) ever been on a boat?

yeah! i thought i’d be seasick but turns out i enjoy being on the water its kinda calming56.) is there anyone you’ve lost touch with that you wish you hadn’t?

yeah my childhood friend ralph, cool dude but our friend groups and interests just kinda diverged57.) are there any friendships you regret?

yeah..58.) are there any friendships you wish you could make?

oh hell yeah! there was this one girl who always ate at the same cafeteria as me and my friend group and i regret not inviting her over and being her friend59.) have you ever stayed awake for 24 (+) hours?

yeah! specially during summer it really sucks and i only do that when my mental state is at a record low self punishment i spose60.) have you ever walked outside after 12 am?

hell to the yeah! its the best! like a music video or adventure but it really just helps me clear my mind. oh wait i guess that kinda counts for the calms me down thing so late night walks and masturbating bahahaha61.) have you ever seen a sunrise completely through?

yep! one time with an ex girlfriend! we stayed from 2 am till 10 am i think singing songs and talking and cuddling on those big swings with a bowl at the bottom62.) are you scared of rollercoasters?

NO !!! I LOVE ROLLERCOASTERS!!!! im kind of an adrenaline junkie!63.) on a scale of 1-10 how stressed are you usually?

i personally feel like a 3 but thats probably because im already used to a 7 because of old issues i need sorted out that i’ve just kinda grown to live with the stress64.) do you have any plans this weekend?

considering its sunday? no, next weekend? im working65.) do you miss anyone right now?

yeah. i miss em a lot.66.) who do you wish you were talking to right now?

K,Z, and C i miss em67.) if you could have any superpower, what would it be?

the power to fly or have wings that can make me fly. I associate flying with true freedom. 68.) who is your favorite superhero?

All Might69.) are you dirty minded?

ridiculously70.) what is your favorite song from every decade starting at that 80’s?

im too lazy for that shit bro…71.) how many kids, if any, do you want?

2 preferably? 72.) who is your biggest OTP?

im not super into shipping just cause it can get pretty toxic but asami and korra73.) what is your favorite food?

aw man im too much of a carnivore to pick just one thing man. uhh fried chicken or this one pork dish my mom makes thats super easy to make its like canned beans with this orange sweet kinda sauce and pork belly slices and potato chunks omggggg i eat so much of that. the last time my mom made that i actually ate the whole thing and i had to make more for everyone else lmao74.) do you want to be married one day?

yeah. it’d be nice not to have to worry about being alone for the rest of my life75.) dogs or cats?

dogs are great and so are cats though i have more patience for cats than i do for dogs. dogs to me are like energetic little kids and thats fine as long as im not dealing with them for an extended period amount of time i get drained pretty easy. cats are like roommates show you love and attention when they want but arent opposed to keeping you company the whole day76.) do you drink enough water daily?

i have no fukcing clue i literally just drink water whenever i have an excuse to drink.77.) have you ever seen a shooting star?

not that i know of? like theres a few times i think i did but i wanna see one thats like unmistakably a shooting star or comet thatd be neat too78.) if you had the opportunity to go to the moon, would you?

not long term? yeah id love to, just to feel what zero g feels like and the view of earth

79.) how many best friends do you have?

3 ish……..80.) when was the last time you cried?

a few nights ago when they stopped talking to me i cried like a little baby lmao ahhhhhhhhhh yikes81.) have you ever laughed so hard you peed yourself?

nope82.) have you ever made anyone laugh so hard they peed?

i think? there was this one dude who literally thought everything i said was genuinely funny though to this day i have no idea if he was serious or not. i also have not seen that dude ever since83.) if you could travel any where in the world, where would you go?

Venice Italy.84.) what are 3 words you would use to describe yourself?

Lonely, Filth, dependant85.) do you consider yourself a loyal person?

no, if my loyalty gets in the way of what i think is the right thing to do then i disregard the loyalty86.) what is your favorite season and why?

Winter. for some reason growing up i always felt like winter was unappreciated and i had this train of thought like “ even the cold needs to be loved” that and most of my wardrobe is just winter stuff. plus midnight walks feel so much nicer since its so cold out you know for a fact no one else would be walking around because whos gonna wait in a dark alley at -30 to mug, rape or kidnap someone.87.) have you ever told anyone you loved them, and didn’t mean it?

nope. if i ever said it i meant it.88.) do you know how to play any instruments?

not reliably. like i know some songs on guitar from youtube tutorials but i can’t play the guitar in all circumstances yknow like i learned the song without mastering the basics89.) do like like falling asleep to music or not?

nope. i need like silence to sleep but ambient noise is preferred. music gives my brain something to focus on and thus stay awake90.) what are you allergic to?

pet fur or feathers and stuff. my eyes get puffy, my nose clogs up and my skin itches91.) have you ever wanted to be someone else for a day just so you could see what there life is like?

a sad, extremely rich person and a happy, extremely poor person. to show me what to be grateful for92.) if you could be any character from your favorite tv show would you, and if so, who would you be?

huh, thats tough… if its haikyuu i’d love to be daichi, if its my hero academia its hawks or deku93.) if you could be best friends with any celebrity who would it be and why

Gal Gadot, I feel like she’d be such a positive influence on my life and that thing she does to people who are shorter than her where she cups their face in her hands omg i’d melt everytime. i just kinda wanna be like a little brother to her lol

94.) are you outgoing?

i would say i am?95.) have you ever wanted to kiss someone, but weren’t brave enough to?

oh fuck yeah im fucking gutless96.) are you a good flirt?

nope. awkward and weird af97.) have you ever been turned down, or have you ever turned anyone down?

yup all the time. part of life98.) which planet is your favorite?

never really thought about planets much but i do stan pluto as a planet99.) are you superstitious?

to an extent100.) are you a good listener?

i’d like to think i am101.) are you a good kisser

also like to think i am probs not102.) would you kiss any of your friends?

all of them honestly well not all of them. mostly cuz yknow theyre taken or theyd probably hate me if i did some of them are super defensive about physical intimacy

[vivitalks]

Maple Trees and Libraries

idk if yall remember but awhile back my friend jeannie and I did a prompt exchange where we would each give each other a prompt and a pairing and then we'd write the fic. well anyhow i'm doing another one with my tumblr amigo @lost-in-the-in-between​ who's super cool and is the reason this fic has come to exist! cheers to you Ash. anyhow i dont know how college works so please forgive me, and also this is mediocre at best but WHATEVER leave me alone just read it

college au because i’m a slut for those

prompt: “Hold my hand so he gets jealous.”

pairing: zoe murphy/evan hansen

“Hi, Evan, right?”

Evan jerks his head up from his book about various different tree species, and swirly shapes bloom in front of his eyes, which he blinks away. “Um — yes? Evan. I mean yes, that’s me.”

And you’re Zoe Murphy, only the girl I’ve been in love with since we both started here two years ago.

Zoe smiles at him, but it’s oddly strained. “Look, I know we’ve literally never talked, but you’re the only person in the library right now and I need a weird favor.”

Actually, they have talked. Twice. One: when Zoe asked what she missed after she missed an econ lesson. Evan gave her his notes with a few incoherent jumbled phrases mixed in and then avoided her eyes. He didn’t get any notes for that class.  Two: when Zoe spotted Evan lingering — or maybe loitering — outside the band room during practice and asked him what he was doing there, and didn’t he have class? And Evan said yes he had class but the thing was was that his class was really boring and anyway he knew enough about environmental science to miss one class and also he totally didn’t realize she was in band, how cool! Even though that was a total lie and Evan knew Zoe was majoring in music theory because he came by the band room all the time to watch them practice just so he could see Zoe do that half-smile. And Zoe said okay and did the half-smile at him and went back into the band room.

But obviously Zoe doesn’t remember either of those, which makes sense because that was all last year and Zoe is different this year, so why should she remember a guy like Evan. Except now she’s asking him a favor and oops, he’s taken too long to respond, again.

Evan blinks. “O-okay?”

"Great. Listen, see that guy?" Zoe's eyes flit to, yes, the only other person in the library. Evan doesn't know him. Evan doesn't know most people, though, so no surprise. "That's my ex." Oof. He's way hotter than me. At least you have standards, Zoe. "He's an asshole and he's going to come over here as soon as he sees me and start hitting on me, which he's been doing since we broke up two months ago. I need you to hold my hand so he gets jealous and leaves me alone. Okay?"

She says this all like it's the game plan, and Evan is all prepared to agree to it until he thinks about the actual words she's saying to him. "Wait – won't that just make him want to, like, kill me? 'Cause I'm not really – I'm actually having a good day and I would really hate for it to be spoiled by, you know, being snapped in half by some Neanderthal who's jealous. Besides he probably won't even be jealous, I mean, look at him, he's way better-looking than me, and also he could break me in his palm, so I really don't think –"

"Evan!" Zoe hisses, as if they're best friends and didn't just speak for the first time ever (in recent memory) right now. Evan chokes on whatever other arguments he was going to present – which is probably for the best, because the last thing he needs is to dig himself into some unending hole of chatter and shame. "Come on, man, I need some help here."

"Okay, fine, okay," he concedes. "I – well – okay."

"Awesome." Zoe drags her chair around the circular table until she's right next to Evan and links her fingers with his very casually, like it's something they do every day, and at a very inopportune moment Evan remembers that you can feel someone's pulse in their wrist, and she can probably feel his heart racing a thousand miles per hour. He has the stupidest urge to yank his hand away and also he really needs to wipe his palms on his jeans because they're probably insanely sweaty because when he's nervous his palms get sweaty and that's just unpleasant for everyone, plus Zoe wouldn't tell him if his palms were sweaty and gross because who says that? But he knows she'd be thinking it and then never speak to him again so –

Their hands are on the table for anyone to see even though Asshole Ex is the only person here, and Evan hopes he comes and goes too fast to even find out what Evan's name is, because the last thing he wants is to be on someone's hit list that looks like he got a dose of Captain America's super-soldier serum. As if on cue, or maybe because he heard Zoe's chair dragging across the carpet, he turns, spots Zoe, and starts towards the two of them. Evan's heart is definitely considering leaping out of his chest and committing suicide, from the way it's hammering his ribcage.

"He's gonna kill me, you know that, right?" he whispers, and Zoe grins loftily.

"Pft," she says dismissively. And then Asshole Ex is standing – towering, looming over them – and Evan can't really say anything else.

"Hey," Asshole Ex says, and boy, Evan wishes he'd just say his name so Evan could stop calling him Asshole Ex, which, okay, it's crude, really, accuracy levels aside. He leans over the table and Evan feels innately like he’s being preyed on by some predator, aside from the fact that he’s being ignored entirely, which is what he’s used to. "What's new, Zoe?"

"What's new is my boyfriend Evan," Zoe answers, her tone clipped, very juxtaposed to the relaxed, laid-back tone she'd used with Evan. Evan jumps at the word boyfriend and shrinks under Asshole Ex's analytical once-over.

Evan swallows. "Yeah, boyfriend. I'm her boyfriend, me, Evan," whose name you now know and can weaponize to bend me to your will, that's great. "What – what's your name again, did you say? You didn't – you never said your name."

Asshole Ex raises an eyebrow in the most threatening glare ever. "Ryan," he says, or maybe sneers is a better word. "Zoe’s never mentioned me?”

“Why would I? If you don’t recall, I hate your fucking guts,” Zoe comments, the way someone would say we have math homework due tomorrow or I really like apple pie.

Ryan scoffs, but his eyes stay focused on Evan, who’s starting to feel pretty uncomfortable, to be honest. “You're Zoe's new arm candy?"

"Well, I don't know about arm candy," Evan begins.

"You're right. You're way too mousy to be anyone's arm candy. Much less someone like Zoe," Ryan says, every word like venom. Evan really fights the urge to sharply answer with, trust me, buddy, I know it.

"Watch what you say to my boyfriend, you motherfucker," Zoe snaps, a cutting edge to her voice that Evan would not like to be on the receiving end of, ever. "Leave us alone. We're very busy doing research."

"About trees," Evan puts in. He hears Zoe repress a laugh.

"About trees," she agrees. "Especially –" she grabs his book and flips through it, "maple trees. They're much more interesting than your clingy ass. So if you would be so kind." With her free hand, Zoe gestures to the exit of the library, and Ryan's stare would definitely make maple trees wilt. Evan's surprised he hasn't been literally laser-eyed to death yet. He's also pretty freaking amazed at how Zoe's more or less keeping her cool.

"Maple trees?" Ryan mimics. "Yeah, fascinating. Just like your rabbity new boyfriend. Enjoy your time while you have it," he snarls in Evan's general direction. And then, in a scarily low tone to Zoe, "You'll realize what you're missing soon enough, babe."

He brushes the book about trees off the table and it hits the carpet with a muffled thud. Then, with a final look of distaste, he's gone.

Evan feels his chest unclench. "That was – frightening. Can we report him for, like, sexual harassment? Or general harassment?"

Zoe releases her hand from his, and instantly Evan misses the warmth it sent through his whole body. "Sorry to drag you into that."

"No, it's okay, it's – its okay," Evan says quickly. "I mean it was frightening in like a good way, like oh, so scary, but more like a rush, you know? Like kind of a roller coaster? I thought you handled that really well, he was a total – well, a total asshole, like you said." WHAT AM I SAYING.

Zoe giggles and turns to look at him. "You held your own. Were you actually reading about maple trees?"

Evan blushes and ducks his head. "Um, well, oak trees, actually. They can get really tall. Like forty feet, maybe more. I tried to climb a forty-foot tall oak tree once. Um, it didn't go well. I actually fell from it," he's gesturing with his hands now, painting the oak tree in the air and watching himself let go, "and broke my arm, which really sucked a lot. Actually, why am I telling you this? I'm sorry, you must have a million things to do. I'll stop talking now." He wishes he could get his book and bury his nose in it. Unfortunately, it's on the floor on Zoe's side, and how awkward would it be to reach over her? Or to get up and get it? So he just looks at his hands instead as they fall to the tabletop.

The book slides across the surface like magic, except the magic is actually Zoe's hands. And then, as Evan opens his mouth to say thank you through his scarlet blush, she says, "Hey, this is a little strange, but do you want to go out sometime? For real?"

Evan's vital organs all pretty much cease to function for a couple of seconds.

"Out?" he repeats uncertainly. "Out like how? Like, outside? Or like on a date? That's weird, sorry, why would you go on a date with me," he laughs a hollow kind of laugh, "but if you – I mean, I can go out with you like a friend --"

"On a date," Zoe clarifies. "With me. Tomorrow night."

Evan blinks, gapes, and then realizes he's imitating a fish out of water and stops. "Oh," he says. He pauses, just to make sure he didn't invent that whole interaction, and then says, "Oh," again. And then he clears his throat. "Uh, yes, that – I would really like that, yes. That sounds great."

"I'll meet you here," Zoe says, pushing her chair back and standing. "At seven. We can decide where to go from there."

Evan's mouth is dry with anticipation, but he manages, "Perfect."

"Can't wait," Zoe says, smiling at him warmly.

She turns and walks away, vanishing into another section of the library, and Evan's vision swims with the unreality of that whole conversation.

He opens up his book, closes it and shelves it.

At the checkout counter, the lady says, "Taking anything out?"

Evan sighs contentedly, and says, "Just a girl."

[pineappuu-pineappley]

women question thingy cuz im bored

GENERAL WOMANHOOD: 1. Do you like the color pink? nnnot really? pastel pink is kinda cool i guess 2. Did you play with Barbie dolls as a child? ye 3. How easily do you cry? not very? but more so now than before 4. What food do you eat the most of when you’re sad? i eat whatever tbh i dont sad eat? 5. How often do you experience boob sweat? whenever i sweat zz 6. How moody are you when you are you are on your period? doesnt really matter? idk 7. Have you ever thought you were pregnant because your period was late? binch i dont even get a text back i cant have sex HAHAHA 8. Have you ever been on the pill? no, but like my periods are so fucking bizarre so idk but ??? 9. Would you ever want to have children someday? tbh idk i guess but im still too young to decide lol 10. Have you ever given birth? If not, would you ever want to? no, and idk yet :v 11. How good of a cook do you consider yourself? a little above average because i just throw food in without recipes and stuff but my mother is a wizard 12. What is your favorite thing to cook? egg.. ngl its just crack dat bitch and cook it its easy af HAHA  13. Can you sew? ye i guess but not actual clothes 14. Do you consider yourself a feminist? i think so, but like i’m not “active” and also wtf is wrong with “feminists” that want death to men like seriously you’re also part of the problem yall crazy 15. How do you define “girl power?” power specifically for girls, may it be over their body or themselves?? 16. Have you ever wished you were born a male? a little but only cuz that one time i think i was gay for a friend and it would be much easier to come to terms with it, speaking of which i dont even know my sexuality but i dont really care LOL 17. Breastfeeding or formula? breastfeeding  18. What is your opinion of equal pay? its important!! but then if we’re not looking at gender its unfair if someone who does jackshit gets the same pay as someone working their literal ass off. instead of adjusting based on gender why not adjust it based on work done? if you slack off u get a pay cut if u work hard you get a raise? 19. Are you pro-life or pro-choice? ah shit uh, i think i’m both??? (that makes no sense) like i know i have no right to force someone to do something but at least maybe i’d like to talk to them about it? a life is a life /shrugs/ but ultimately it is not my choice to make if it’s not my situation, all i can do is to maybe let someone understand the morality behind say abortion. HOWEVER!!! i think birth control for period management because of certain conditions is good and this shouldn’t be taken away from people who need it!! I’m just so !!! at women getting refused treatment for a spontaneous abortion or whatever because its an abortion, but the body rejected the foetus all on its own!! she has a right to healthcare!! (i saw this on a documentary on abortion in the ph iirc and like refusing someone treatment because its not moral to “fully abort” a foetus, even though it’s already aborted by the BODY ITSELF and not by other MEANS is literally not caring for the person who needs the HELP?!?!!?? its more immoral to refuse healthcare to her than to give her healthcare to abort the foetus because the body aborted it by itself it is spontaneous sometimes it happens okay?????) 20. Have you ever experienced any sexism? If so, please explain. i dont think so tbh 21. What is one thing about women you think most men don’t know? not everyone wants your dick in their vagina shut the fuck up HAHA 22. Complete this phrase: I’m so glad I’m a woman because______. i’m not burdened by society rules about hugging my friends and make up? i have no idea tbh i’m just eh about everything am i even a woman HAHAHA

LIFE EXPERIENCES: 23. Have you ever been a Girl Scout? no 24. Have you ever been a ballerina? noo 25. Have you ever been a cheerleader? no 26. Were you ever voted as a homecoming or prom queen? can we eat prom? 27. Have you ever hosted a sleepover? yeah i guess but its just because my friends dont wanna walk one block home its great HAHA 28. Do you belong to a sorority? we dont have those things in here 29. Have you ever kept a diary or a journal? i used to keep a diary when i was a kid now i just want a bujo but where s my shit 30. American ladies: did you vote for Hillary Clinton? not american PHYSICAL APPEARANCE: 31. What is the longest your hair has ever been? a v-cut where the longest was at my asscrack 32. Have you ever cut your hair super short? shaved it for hair for hope uvu 33. What hairstyle do you wear the most? either down with a side parting or up/half-up in a hairstick, at home just an ugly ass bun. like my hair is nice but the style is meh 34. Have you ever dyed your hair? no, im afraid of spoiling it 35. What is the heaviest you have ever weighed? now im always heavy lmao  36. How muscular are you? i have some muscle in my calves and the top of my arms but im 90% fat so 37. Are your ears pierced? one on each lobe 38. Do you have any piercings anywhere besides your ears? nah 39. Do you have any tattoos? If so, of what and where? noo 40. How often do you wear lipstick or lipgloss? almost never, if i wear makeup i still forget about it LOL 41. How often do you paint your nails? rarely 42. Have you ever worn any fake eyelashes or fake nails? yes at both but fake nails dont survive  43. How often do you shave/wax your legs? i never did  44. How white are your teeth? eh not very but its not stained v badly i guess 45. What do you think is your best physical feature? my softness? 46. What do you think is your worst physical feature? fats HAHA 47. Do you have a “look” (i.e. a mad/annoyed/upset stare)? blur face 48. How good are you at communicating through facial expressions? i dont i just make potato faces FASHION STYLE: 49. What is your favorite fashion brand? prolly iora or lalu or something i think they have korean-ish/school-girl ish aesthetic  50. Do you wear skirts and dresses at all? If so, how often? ye, not v often because school is anal about it :) 51. What is your dress size? dunno but i think im like a L-XL depending on cut? 52. Do you wear any high heels or stilettos at all? If so, how often? no, dont own any 53. Have you ever worn high heels casually? no? not really nah 54. How often do you wear a bra? only in public or when non-family members are in the house 55. Does it matter if your bra and panties match or not? i alternate between only 2 bras i dont care 56. Which are you more likely to go without: a bra or panties? i forgot to wear a bra like 3 times in my life two of which i already had noticecable boobs 57. How much of your underwear is white? i have a few now? 58. Have you ever worn a skirt or a dress without any panties underneath? yo wtf dont get ur vag juices everywhere omg also everything is dirty dont do that 59. What is the shortest length of skirts and dresses you are comfortable wearing? if i fold the butt part to wrap my butt and it manages to cover my entire butt i guess but only if i have safety shorts 60. How expensive was your prom dress? shit idr 61. What clothing item do you own the most of (if shirts, be specific to what kind)? t-shirts (but not anymore-) 62. How much jewelry do you typically wear? a pair of earrings, used to have a necklace but i havent got a new chain yet 63. How much makeup do you typically wear? either full face or none, twice before concealer + eyeliner thats it 64. Do you like eyeshadow? THAT SHITE BOMB 65. Do you carry a purse? i prefer a bigger bag because i bring way too much shit 66. What is your preferred way to carry a purse: In your hand, on your elbow, or on your elbow? slung on my shoulder 67. How big is your closet? not very 68. Have you ever looked through your closet an thought “I have nothing to wear”? YES WTF BC I LOOK LIKE A HOBO (also i literally keep running out of shirts nowadays) 69. Have you ever worn the same outfit more than once? ya what do u think i am a diva? HAHA 70. One-piece swimsuits or bikinis? t-shirt and shorts 71. Have you ever worn a mismatched bikini? i never put my body into a bikini 72. Do you like tube and halter tops fat arms man :v 73. Do you like crop tops? they look aesthetic af but just not on me HAHAHAH 74. Are you comfortable showing off a little cleavage? ye i guess WEDDING CRAZE: 75. Have you ever been a bridesmaid? no but i’ve been flower girl multiple times 76. Would you ever want to get married? i guess 77. For how long have you thought about your wedding? i dont even have a crush rn so i never even thought of it 78. How much of your wedding do you already have planned out? -100% 79. Indoor or outdoor wedding? church wedding preferable in an airconditioned one imean- HAHAHA 80. Would you want to have a lot of bridesmaids or just a couple? i dont have a lot of friends DATING & RELATIONSHIPS: 81. What is your current relationship status? single as a pringle never gonna mingle 82. Do you consider yourself a hopeless romantic? no 83. Are you a virgin? If not, which gender did you lose your virginity to? yes 84. What personality trait are you most attracted to? shit uh, (judging on my 2d biases) cheerful puppy type? 85. Have you ever been on a blind date? no 86. Has anyone ever tried to set you up on a date? noo 87. Do you kiss on a first date? no  88. How often do guys hit on you? never HAHA 89. Have you ever kissed another woman? If so, did you like it? shIt ya and ya, go away 90. Have you ever dated another woman? i almost did? 91. Is sex before marriage wrong? IT’S AGAINST THE MORAL ORDER!!! according to my religion but also even if it’s not religion its good to only give yourself to another after marriage uvu. but idk 92. After how long would you start to consider a relationship to be serious? i dont know maybe a year? LOL idek if someone can stand being with my after 2 weeks 93. Would you rather your lover give you chocolate or flowers? steak.. or like meat or like good food ENTERTAINMENT: 94. What celebrity do you most admire? i dont- know-? 95. Do you like romantic comedies? Any favorites? eh dont think so 96. Do you have a favorite romantic movie? no 97. Who is your favorite Disney princess? mulan? MERIDA? idk 98. What is your favorite Disney song? shit idk 99. Do you watch The Bachelor or The Bachelorette? whats that 100. Have you ever watched Sex & The City? no 101. Have you ever watched any shows such as Project Runway or America’s Next Top Model? yeah but like random episodes on the tv with my mom, i rather watch masterchef junior but not with the newer seasons cuz my bro said the way they made it is like poo 102. Do you read romantic novels? If so, do you have any recommendations? im like -100% romantic please stop 103. Beyonce or Taylor Swift? beyonce maybe 104. Oprah Winfrey or Ellen DeGeneres? ellen? idk  A PILE OF RANDOMNESS: 105. Are you named after anyone? Dionne Warwick (not celine dion stop this shit i will fight you) 106. How many male friends do you have? nnnot many? i’m close to steffy tho yes bless uvu  107. Have you ever called your female friends your girlfriends? i can barely type “i love you” i cannot with cheesy shit so hazukashit 108. Have you ever called a non-lover a term such as honey, dear, babe, or darling? ye i call friendos bebe or something but only through text because im shy LOL 109. Have you ever dotted your I’s with a heart or a smiley face? hearts, i stopped bc a teacher was like “lol” in front of the entire class thanks 110. How many items do you own that are of a floral print design? idk but floral prints are nice 111. Name five things you always have in your purse. (not including phone and wallet) lipbalm (that i never use), axe oil (running out), vicks, tigerbalm (why do i have 2), blotting paper (also dont really use) 112. Have you ever lost anything inside your purse? my sanity jk idk 113. Have you ever carried a spare pair of underwear with you in your purse? only pads 114. What is the most amount of money you’ve ever spent in one single shopping trip? idk $60 maybe idk weep i spend it all online 115. Do you consider shopping a sport? no wtf but walking around a lot is a pain so i guess it could be 116. Have you ever used your cleavage or a bra as a purse? i use a bad stop with the purse i carry too much shit 117. Coffee or tea? tea 118. Can you do the splits? i will only split my pants and muscles open so no 119. Do you do any yoga? no 120. Have you ever been told that to have cute handwriting? yea but i think it’s messy and ugly and changes too often 121. How well can you write in cursive? look at 120 122. Have you ever successfully been on a diet? no fuck that 123. Do you or have you ever belonged to a book club? no 124. Have you ever talked yourself out of a driving ticket by using your looks? no lmao i dont even drive 125. Have you ever drank a non-alcoholic beverage out of a wine glass? i guess? 126. Showers or baths? showers 127. Have you ever tried using a toilet while standing up? ya its horrible because u dont have a dick to aim 128. Have you ever been considered the mother of your group of friends? ye actually- 129. Do you own any sex toys? no HAHA RATINGS: 130. From 1-10, how feminine do you consider yourself? 6? 131. From 1-10, how much are you like your mother? 7-8 132. From 1-10, how much do you look like your mother? 5 because i smile like her but a lot of people say i look like my dad 133. From 1-10, how much are you like your father? 3 he’s chill im not 134. From 1-10, how polite are you? depends but maybe 7 135. From 1-10, how cute do you consider your laugh? -11 136. From 1-10, how strict are you about manners? 5? 137. From 1-10, how much of a neat freak are you? 6 but my handwriting is shit 138. From 1-10, how much of a hopeless romantic are you? -11 139. From 1- 10, how healthy do you eat? 6? its Meat > veggies > fish (but cuz i dont like how fish is cooked here? i love meat but i need veg to live too but i dont like salads give me roasted veg or stir fry veg or veg soops uvu) 140. From 1-10, how much do you like decorating for holidays?  4?

[yeont4n]

Answer all!!

here we fuckn goooooooooo

we are bulletproof: if you could be any superhero, who would you be and why?

u kno that 1 girl from sky high whose only power was shapeshifting into a hamster? her. no reason

no more dream: if you woke up tomorrow to be incredibly famous, how would you react?

id go check my mailbox to collect all my free promotional gifts and then prolly fake my own death

i like it: if you could reverse any moment in your life, what would that moment be? 

there’s 1 thing but im not rlly gonna expose myself like tht on here smh

n.o: biggest pet peeve?

loud chewing/loud eating,,,,,,

we on: how do you deal with people who don’t like you?

i dont deal wit it lmfao it’s not my business who likes me n who doesn’t unless someone’s being particularly vocal about it:// in that case i’d prolly jus laugh about it

if i ruled the world: what would you do if you found out that you were an heir to a wealthy kingdom?

lmfao. idk tbh prolly decide which breed of dog i wanted to be known for loving

coffee: what’s your coffee order?

i dont order coffee often buh somethin w a lot of sugar.

cypher pt. 1: if you had to be part of a kpop group, what position would you want to be (i.e. leader, visual, lead vocal, dancer, rapper, maknae, etc.)

maknae i guess? how about staff

rise of bangtan: when and how did you get into the king and legends, also known as bangtan sonyeondan?

i saw a video of yoongi performing intro:nevermind in like 2015 n was :o ! buh never looked into it. in 2016 i saw the fire and bst dance practice vids and was like :0!??? but again, never looked into it. then finally spring day/not today mvs dropped n i FINALLY looked into who these boys were n jus fell down an ever spiraling rabbit hole.. now we here

satoori rap: what does home mean to you?

a feeling. i mean i have a few physical manifestations of the concept of home: my town, my school, my house. things i can return to. but really it’s a feeling isn’t it?? safety, familiarity, comfort, fondness

boy in luv: when you are interested in someone (romantically, sexually, etc.), does your behavior change?

yeah probably altho i dnt have many data points to go over rn

just one day: who would you want to spend the last day of your life with?

yall expectin me 2 say bts buh id want 2 be wit my friends n family . bts can b there 2 if they want

tomorrow: goal that you would like to achieve within the next year?

get into..... college.....

cypher pt. 2: one thing about yourself you wish people would appreciate more?

i never express appreciation n all that verbally thru words or physically thru touch buh i have my own ways of showin tht i care n i guess it dont count if i dont communicate explicitly like: hey ilu ! . what happened to actions speak louder than words smh

spine breaker: what is your weakness when it comes to spending money?

makeup!!!!!!!!!! >

jump: favorite childhood memory?

getting my dog tina!!!!

miss right: what is your ideal ‘type’?

physically i tend 2 like the boyish types likkee think taehyung inu era i guess. boy next door vibes; ive never rlly been into the macho build or the preppy, neat look, or the rough around the edges, angsty shithead badboy exterior model like i like my boys S.O.F.T.! puppy-ish!

personality wise i guess jusssss idk i’m gonna copy n paste a list of qualities i look 4 in a partner that i wrote for a different ask game a while back: Sense of humor, openmindedness, compassion, reliability, ability 2 communicate directly/emotional maturity, ambition/drive/work ethic, etc.

i like it pt. 2: dream date? 

yall prolly expecting me to say smthn like staying in n watching movies n eating junk but i’d prolly wanna go out n do smthn ngl. not a movie where u can hardly even speak or a dinner date where u feel trapped n stiff buh smthn fun n mildly competitive n engaging ??????? although jus chillin dont sound so terrible either

danger: have you ever had a near-death experience?

kinda not really it was on hampton beach n i had an allergic reaction but i wasnt on death’s door or nuthn

war of hormone: most embarrassing moment?

i bled thru my fucking pants in like 7th grade n it got on the chair! it was bad lol i was jus talking about this w my friend n she was like “yeah i remember that haha:)” shut up caitlin

hip hop lover: three songs that are meaningful to you?

moonlight sonata, ballade no. 1 in g minor, bts’ entire discography ties for 3rd

let me know: are you good at keeping secrets?

no lmfao . keeping my own, sure.

rain: most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?

some words that have never been used to describe me, grace: spontaneous, easy going, flexible. the most impulsive thing i’ve done is prolly take a random sidestreet omw home just for the heck of it lol

cypher pt. 3: favorite outfit to wear?

cute jeans w a belt, a crop top. white adidas. i like dresses too tho!! n i really like layered clothes (a mock turtle neck under a slip dress or like a pinstripe button up under a babydoll fit blouse. i jus think it’s fuckin adorable)

blanket kick: longest time you’ve spent lying in bed (sleeping or not)? 

prolly 2 or 3 days

24/7 = heaven: what are you most looking forward to?

fuck i rlly dk . doesnt that suck??

look here: do you have any hidden talents?

i can burp on command lmfaoofdj

second grade: proudest accomplishment?

dont ask me this if u dnt want to be made uncomfortable by how genuinely unproud of myself i am lol

i need u: are you in love?

wit k*m t*aehy*ng? yeah.

hold me tight: does physical contact comfort you?

no........... maybe i havent found the right person but it’s not my cup of tea generally speaking

love is not over: ever had your heart broken?

no but now i know what i can look forward to haha

dead leaves: how loyal are you?

im rlly loyal if that commitment is mutual. w my family i’m ride or die i’ll fuck anyone up who comes for my asshole brother idc!!!!!!!!!

move: last time you cried?

cant remember,, i dnt cry much. prolly watching reply 1988 when bo ra and her dad were exchanging letters on her wedding day.

butterfly: most beautiful thing you’ve ever seen?

his name looks similar to my url thats the only hint im giving

run: do you like traveling? if so, where? what’s your dream vacation?

i dnt really like travelling tbh but i do wanna go back to korea one day. not necessarily as a tourist but as a diasporic korean person myself

ma city: if you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

idk. i cant imagine not living in the states tbh but i also cant say i love it here either

baepsae: do you vote and/or keep up with politics?

i can’t vote but i’m in my school’s youth vote committee which runs debates for local elections and registration drives at the end of the year. i kept up with politics a lot more last year but after the election i jus got 2 bitter. i know what’s going on but only sort of surface level smh

dope: what did you want to be when you were younger? how does it compare to what you want to be now?

i wanted to be a teacher lmfao and i wanted to commute to college n save $$ bc i was a practical little fucker even when i was 6. these days i’m not that interested in teaching bc a) i’d be objectively bad at it and b) i was a classroom mentor for elementary schools and... realized i can’t work w kids tht small every damn day i’d rlly snap

fire: are you a spontaneous person?

no~

save me: your favorite place on earth?

rn??? m y bed

young forever: what is one movie from your childhood that you will always treasure?

august rush lol

boys with fun: you’re going on a roadtrip with seven other people– dead, alive, fictional, real, famous, or not. who are they, and why?

really......... seven other people:)? guess.

converse high: how many pairs of shoes do you own?

12??? 3 are the same black heel lmfao n a lot i havent worn in years but i still technically own them. i rlly b wearing the same 4 pairs in a cycle n 1 rotten bleach stained soggy mess for work shoes.

whalien 52: weirdest thing that has ever happened to you? alternatively, weirdest dream you’ve ever had?

weirdest dream i ever had was way too long to type out n had way too many references to people in my personal life to ever be interesting lmao

house of cards: when was the last time you felt sexy?

HAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAAHHAAH?????????????????

boy meets evil: have you ever committed a crime? if so, what was it? alternatively, what is the worst thing you have ever done?

does speeding count smh.

blood, sweat, & tears: kinkiest kink you have?

rolling eyes emoji. pass!

begin: who are you most grateful for in your life?

my parents!

lie: biggest fear?

real talk? failure. abandonment but i’m adopted, how cliche. also bugs

stigma: would you rather know the date of your death or the cause of your death?

date of death bc if i knew the cause but not have any indication of when it’d hit me, i’d be a paranoid agoraphobic wreck for the rest of my life

first love: do you believe in soulmates?

yes but i also believe you can have more than one! and that soulmates aren’t exclusively romantic

reflection: if you could tell your past self one thing, what would it be?

get ur fucking bangs cut

mama: are you good at giving advice?

yeah i think so

awake: if you had to be a flower, which flower would you be?

lazy daisy

lost: how good are you with directions? do you get lost easily?

horrible horrible horrible. directionally challenged. i can’t even find my way to the fucking grocery store down the road on my own. if i ever missed an exit on the highway you’d never hear from me again, i could never find my way back without a gps. i’m dead serious

cypher pt. 4: what do you do to treat yourself or relax?

take a bath or a long long shower. eat smthn warm, drink tea, do a face mask, change my sheets n snuggle up watchin a drama or movie or playin sims

am i wrong: you wake up one morning in the hospital, knowing only your name and a single memory from your life. what is that memory?

wtf how do i answer this lmfao how wud i know lol

21st century girls: do you prefer texting, calling, or video chatting?

texting! calling if it’s a long story though

2!3!: your favorite thing about bangtan?

their modesty and grace ! they’re a true underdog success story >

spring day: who do you miss right now?

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

not today: what are your procrastinating right now?

math summer work smh

wings: on airplanes, do you prefer the window seat, the middle seat, or the aisle seat?

window seat!

you never walk alone: how many people do you trust with your life?

4?

[failinginvestigativejournalist]

Dont freak out, itss just writing

i grew up fast (so fast) (too quick nigga) (wish i went through when i was just a bit bigger) can you tell me who the parent is uh ya the first time i drove a whip i was a fuckin kid, (96 suburban nigga) (yo yo, did you tell em why) oh ya shit my fault my mom was bleeding from her chin i dont know what from or what about, scared to death i took that drive to the ER (Medical SHIIIT) (mom got too drunk again and feel out) (wheres dad? in his room his doors locked, figures i dont expect, as i try to knock (no answer nigga) i dont blame em he removes himself from the sitiation so he dont hit her) ya i fucking grew quick, ya i fucking tryed some shit, the first time i dropped out and took some shroomies i was age 6 plus 6, thats 12 for the illiterates, actually aas a matter a fact it was fuckin pleasant as fuck as i drew back the droe and took another hit. now that i think that was the day, older brother came and gave me cig i obliged no way to say nay, i was still trippin and it was a sensational feelin, it left me stumblin and dizzy a head rush like no other i was hooked for live to the day and i dont blame him, i dont think he knew what he had started, adding to the compilation of the monsxter inside that took refuge and started, poison in his mind, the drugs altered his brain activity but he was buckled up and commited to the ride.Shit i just said in third person let me apologize to yall sometimes the ideas flow together like two fortune five mergin, these feels of hate be strong ya im hurtin, i cant blame no one, i cant choose the family i was birthed in, started sniffin ups felt my blood surgin, gotta big head but my nemisis, the evil inside myself was bigger aboutt the size of a white sturgeon, like some northern ish that canadain shit like british columbia or somethin idk, alls i can say is that BC bud out that bitch is my fav to blow, the sour D, diesel to be exact for you niggas who waana try to nit pick or correct my personal facts, let me just speak at you,  all the hatin niggas tryin bring me down, bad news, i do drugs like steve from fuckin blues clues, but my rents always on time when that xshits due, any ways i side tracked speaking of tracks just lined some shit up did with speed did with need i did it with tact, im dextrous and shit i always have a unique train of thought oh shit trains again trains derailed at this point hhaaha i crack myself up sometimes with the wit in my words leh-let you in on the pun so you can join in my fun, about the lines the lines are no more you didn arrive in time i promise these raps have rhythm they have rhyme i aint spittin to waste your time, i aint spittin to catch a dime, bag or bitch, it really dont matter, niether last long but they are still my niche, come here bitch come hit this shit, this time dont have a fit, mind over matter just stick yuh nose in these rails sit down for a bit, drink some wata, go to your happy place we are gettin to old for me to have tote on yuh just from hitten lines but i put up wit it, you got that 50 thou boat on yuh, not to mention your ride, that shit is so sweet i cant decidddee which id rather seed, as in inseminate with my seaman as i play the part as a seaman workin for seimans on a marine voyage i aint like you im a higher being, i dont know whatchu talkin whatch your eyes be seein i am a divine heathan i really cant fucking believe a niggas still breathin im a florida boy born and raised, i sit the fuck back drink my beer in the shade, high as i usually am a rinny tin tin rinscotts tale \down the rintin like a shark fin poatched by commercial fisherman thrown in a bin, no regard for life the human race is so greedy, people just aint my type, say what you want i know me best and i know im right. my creative talents on the other hand be outta sight, im my own worst enemy to cross the bridge pay the fee, trollin in the hood for that g, withdrawin, shakin i drop to my knee look up to the sky ask god if he sees. hear the sound of humming, huh must be bees, or im trippin out maybe its a flash back i dont remmember. whats th-this street, tremblin think my heat skipped a bit, or a couple shakinso bad my knes begin to buckle, anxiety can be dibilatated held me back from so much in life thers no debating. unfamiliar route. made it to this bar ordered a stout got to thinking, you may ask what about, this is why i like solitude to be on my own to answer to noone to depend on myself and live it to the fullest while im yung, my mind will reel, replaying all i know every single memory, that im capable of bringing back, i compare my brain to a file cabinet, i keep it hidden like in an office towards the back. A photographic memory is a gift and a curse, ill tell you whatat, if you dont keep it in check you will end up in a herse, sure you can remember the happy shit the good things in your life but you cant fucking forget the huge hits the fucking bad bitch the one who broke your heart? dounno how to forget you but i think i know where to start, i thought it was drugs, i numbed my body with chemicals little did i know with every shot the metaphorical shovel scooped out some more dirt from the inconcievable whole i fuckin dug. my life has been weird kinda like an opriental from a flee market an awkward rug, with no real spot in the house, was always the black sheep in the fam i tryed to tip toe as quiet as a mouse, some tom and jerry shit my mistakes and regrets cbhasing me around like tom the cat from that shit, I hide in my hidey whole, disconeected from any social environmeent i often found myself cryin, but self loathin is kinda like being a a gay with some dicks hes blowin, givin a ski job pitty is the lube hatred is the tube the vessel to carry out a deed the fags not sure about, hes experimentin comparable to some situations in my life cept wont catch me with two dudes in a shower, that was just a metaphor. you feel me? im sure the haters will hop all over that verse but just fuckinh hear me. I got my shades on and these bitches special, haters they block, they keep you no fun, sticklers out of sight out of mind like spf 75 sun block, that industrial shit, factory born hear the lunch bell on the horn, an  hour passes the busy bees come back to the floor to join the others to join the masses; the hoard., here the hum of the worker bees at work as they sneek rum in there flasks stuck it in to the hive got it past the queen time to catch a buzz to make this pain stop while i avoid the fuzz the narks at work, cant control it even if they wanted to stop. i dont want to hurt. this was a metaphor for the endless rut of a reality ive become accustomed to; succomed too, the low of the low. comparable to a german trench on the frontlines., my life feels like a conveyer belt, makin the same product running the same direction never really goiong any where, now thats was an analagy, keeping up? yung unsensitive how many? 0 fucks, 0 fucks giveen, 0 blights forgiven, spiteful to death and mornful for noone, nothing left inside just another no-go, malfunctioning product family be like feeling “ i feel like they robbed us” of our brother our son and our friend , dont worry fam im still with you in your hearts up to the end. im tired of our society with all its malice and fallacy, thinking to my self how sad it must be, to be washed in the brain to be hypnotized, this shits so insane.you want that shit super sized? of course nigga watchu you sayin. A glutonous society obsessed with self indulgence people actually still believe good people are in abundance. Speaking of which, fuck the people for a tec, have you looked around lately, this earth is a wreck, mark my words we headin straight for destruction, We are not being good care takers, we fuckckin actin so careless what doesdo the opeople in power really expect?? just pass it on to the next generation “ohh, its not our life time we will leave it for you” Thats a big fuck you to the generations after you undeserving self entitled fucks finallyy croak. get the fuck outa here, tell me when you sold your sold, you heartlesxs bastards would give anything for xsome more of that paper thgat rules all, the pressure you have put on everyone, no one is an exception, to support ourselves and loved ones to provide for our own and multiple other peoples nees, the urge to make money looms over our heads like a pestiliant storm cloud of angst and uncertainty, boreing a fucking whole in our moral, making peoplpe desperaate rising crime rates because people get desperate, people need to survive and they will do dam near whatever it takess to make the money they need, for whatever purpose.  ill whipe my ass with it throw in your cards i will win you better fold. i have freeedom, you ask what? anominity you fuckers, i can moldd my own life i have the freedomm of choosing, i certainly dont have to wait for legislation to pass a bill which you bribed for votes to do so anyways, to do something something much worse than im capabloe of ever doing, intentionally ruining the environment and turning our planet to mars just for paper with and idea (with a “hey, take our word for it, its worth something “””WE PROMISE”””” fucks) behind it not even gold bars, fuck you niggas mark my words illl bring all you mother fuckers down, ill run you fucks out of town, you hear that sound? its a train. its my passion and my determination to take you out, maybe ill use a fuckin plane? i mean its o.k. for the CIA to do it, right? Create this ridiculously elaborote ruse this plot, thyat fucking fooled all the ignorant and brainwashed americans you have already sucked in with your cancerous propaganda, kids lost to your bullshit through social media and the fucking criteria you make teachers teach young minds, we are taught from a very young age that “ huraaahh america is number one! Terrorists bad! Environmental destruction of a planet good!” how about we help some of the third woorld countries (which you know we wouldnt have to be gunning down women and children in the streets) we could just like give them the water they need? help them gentrify there communities teach them how to develop better skills, teach them more efficient ways to take advantage of their land, maybe bring some seeds to food sources that can be grown creating a bit of self sustainability that may not be indigenous but would grow in their country?? you greedy fucks just want oil, when we have enough in our reserves in alaska/canada to last north america 500 years falsey blame others, create an imaginary war “the war on terrorism, which infact is a fucking cover a false entity, to entice patriotism to loosely keep this crumbling empire together the last attempt, the only thread left in the button holding up the pants we call america, you forgot to tell the word all that shit is just whack  [ simply a meticulously pplanned and executed ploy to spur interests in the middle east, control the oil and power will return back east, return to u, Cause god knows you tax the fuck out of us for EVERYTHING especially mnother fucking gas, so we can pay for wellfare and pay for fucking solar power for rich fucks who e==inherited wealth, people who hdont know what working a day means and never will be, never had a problem, never been broke “oh shit my fucking croket set is missingg a ball” lose the pretense fuckers, you cocksuckers, arrogant low lives.. Money makes you any better then the hard working man that cover your tax breaks pay like our fucking ppolice forces (who are a bunch of ROTC drop outs with a badge and sense of power nnow being unfair and crooked taking some kind of revenge on the idea of the kids who picked on them all through out school” Motherfucker its harder to become a plumber, the learning and process is longer/more rigorous then a 6 month police academy which is fucking my lil pony world ( ith ink there is a fantasy kids show for my lil pony with their own fantasy dimension/world)compared to a military bootcamp.  A doctrine instilled to stop the spread of communisim wherever and whenever it may presenet itsxelf? when is the fighting going to stop in that area of our dying earth, thjey have been fighting eachother since lifes initial birth, what whoever was in power or in charge of trading the petroleumn to us wanted to charge an extra dollar 4 dollars  aBARREL instead of 3??? whaa you fucking greedy cunts,? so we invade and take control put there people on dog collars?? for wshat a dollar difference in productionfreedom of speech as you mothers suck the livlyhood from our home like a blood sucking leech, so careless, you know exactly what your doing, you just dont care it aint your problem your headin towardcs the end your death is brewin, well im the reaper of death cloaked in black i always get my man like a cold inwe can hardly co-exist and efficiently function. We are on world one love bob marley shit im getting tired of going throught the motions im all fucked up inside and shit. Early development can be a lynch pin. to either set a strong first corner stone, ceremonial placement of the first corner stone, free mason shit, corn and vegetable oil, so many customs and traditions are goin down a fuckin hill catch em rollin. Early  life is so fucking critical for a young kid, childrens minds are like a sponge they are looking up to their elders they are developing mentally they consume everything around them and retain more than you know, give your kids a healthy and stimulating environment and they will let there talents grow let there talents show let there brilliance flow let there inhibitions go, gone like dust in the wind, never catch em in trouble nothing, not one sin. They will begin to get older, be super organized, super focused for school, every class haxs a folder. As you watch them grow you will feel it in your heart you will fuckin kno, atleast you did this at least you used your parental guidance for good. when you die you know youll be missed, your kid dont throw fits, not one bit, hes such a chip off the old block that was cliche as fuck haha tuck em inh for bed his forhead you kiss. I just might fucking shed a tear, I cant fight this urge to drink a beer. I cant deny this fucking fear, I must look like just like headlights shinin onm a deer, jock strap aroun d my ankles, dumbfounded, look in  my eyes, perplexed, look on my face as it hits, you get a certain taste in your mouth this race is coming to a close suddenly your filled with doubht, seriously you should be care free, yuou did your duty as a parent, im jealous wish that was me, chill the fuck out go drink some fucking relaxing tea or something, sobrietyy seems to be a good mixture along with love and rationality to make a family function like a well greased machine, like a mechanisim freshly whipped down with some white lithium grease. tuned and ready to go, temped to huff the fumes and left everything go, turn your car on shut the garage door, let death grip  you, dont seem to care anymore, I cant change the past and i have no regreats, will i make it to thirty? “right over here people!” “place your bets!”, ill take my tickets to my Life Show and just scalp em make some extra cash, im already absent, so detatched;incapable of feeling. even if im there aint nothing going on emotionally in there (guarantee you im smilin an nodding i really dont give 2 fucks no more”, take that money right to the plug i promote fucking drugs not hugs, or why not both? why does the saying have to be one or the other when sxometimes its both you desire the most. Take the scalpin’ money from the tickets to the play of my life, go on down to the hood, pick up some bags mis amigos habla “Drogas” los hermanos tambien, this urge is hard to fight. Its a romance [a ritual of being, so0mething un explainable i wish i was never a part of, im always metaphorically bleeding. My poker face is strong, fuck showing weakness i alwayxs thought it was to show emotuion. wrong....... but its not, it can save your life, can \get you through, throw you a life jacket, get you out of that tide you fought, that frigid water no warmer than dry eyes.. Ive always been a loose cannon, I go with the flow, not lookin back, been chillin with the old heads they were suprisxed i could hang and, back to the point haha literally or figuratively is the question... im not gonna keep you waitin or leave yall hangin, i hate cliff hangers, make me wait 45 five minutes leave me jonesin’ its slow goin like grindin that ‘crete in the hangers polishin’ that baby out and coatin with some apoxy, its a process, i just get my drugs, whate=vers around and hit bangersz til i pass out, thatsx how my life has been goingg, i feel like im in the chambers just waiting to be gassed out. Flip the fuuckin switch you fuckin pussy end all this malcontent and hate, make itt black, eternal reest at loast.. dress me up real nice maybe a sharp vest, go through the processions and go through the motions fucking burn my body bitches, i want to be in the ocean ive always felt drawn to it, like an unexplainable,, unatainable unfakeable feeling or notion. im happiest sippin a coctail right by the ocean,  thats where you put me to rest... ill be pissed as fuck dont treat me like a fucking ruck; i beenn aroound, age is but a number, my knowledge is  vast and profound, ya thats right bitch im fuckin educated, know more tthan you will learn in your life time and im 20 years, old get what im sayin? i dont got a big heaad im actually humble,  just at my  breaking point. if i was a volcanoe you would feel the rumble; the pre-emptive signs of an eruption pre-determineed in the creator’s mind he took his divine time to find a wayy to grin away the time it took to find the book i bind when al i want is to be stress free and unwind but im the opposite wound up liike the grandfather clock i wish i could stop , the wheels are in motion the gears are set to full speed the feels keep comin i got this itch; this notion, this inkling to stop minglin, stop wastin my time with u useless fuccks. i think its time, its not the end my journey, just started this epic tale of sorrow, my feelings have departed, im fuckingg frozen over colder than ice, dry ice. cant touch me im full of hate and vice, addictive personality on a suicide mission like a ffucking missionary willing to die for his faithh,. i wish man willing to be a martyr for his religion.. ya bitch i smoke stoges in the hotel room just send the  bill to him if it comes to me itll end up in the fucking rubbish bin with a looggie on top coughin up brown shit to young for that talk, to young for heart disease pack and a half a day to try to keep my miind at ease, the stress is buildin im like a tickin time bomb, im so wound up like a clock rigged to blow mount vesuvius, a test nuke... the alarm is soundinn off. A  bright flash like a million lightning strikes, bout to pop off.. but atleast with style got my limited eddition nikes, listen to me i soound like them, listen to me bitching like a fucking fem, bottle it up, thats what society saays, male suicide is at an all time high like two polar opposites due to wed, its never gonna work im always going to be sad im always going to hurt, no fuck it, im a lock it up and throw away the key, im gonna forget about all this shit and be a fuckin G, be hardcore like the brothhers, leave bitches cryin in the street like aall our fuckin mothers, 32 degrees ferenhiet tatted on my left pec it signifies the tempture of my heart no longer warm and red, its frozen over, it hardly beats, that shit is smaler than the grinches, i turned into what they want me to be, a danger to society, getthe fuck outa myface before i shoo,t b, I got nothing to lose, living for nothing, nada, goose eggs nigga dont give a fuck reckless, no regard for life i dont give two fucks a partridge in a ghetto street, aint no merry christmas song, i like my biches thick and dirty wearin'n some fesh tomy thongs, i use em abuse and enthuse them then ruse thm excusse them fuckin confusethem "why you so distaant all of the suden" keep the vow of silence, like a monk on a holy missio, a friar on a divine quest, sending telepathic messages look into my eyes and see, get the fuck out i was never real these feelings meant nothing to me manipulator, manipulationist making up woprds never been a relationist, the masster of his craft a ventrilliquist or a puppet master you were to blind to see, mama was right just a socio path, ya bitch tell your 7 year old child that; see how long his chipper attitude lasts, im lower than nothing, not even a worm maybe i could bbe a fucking tick suckin blood, noting left of the kid i used to be, no more self worth, i cant love you when i cant love myself, how you expect me to support you when all i do is grab a spoon andd melt all the money thaat comes my way, a junkie, bum destined for an early  death and you think yous my bride to be, sorry hun you reaad me wrong, i know its hard cause bitches never know whats goin on inside my head, as i lay in bea,d staring off to somewhere, anywhere but next toyou, staring off into space thinking about my drug abuse, asking myself why, but i know the answer ready to die, but i think ill get a lapper frm one more danceer, i wanna go out in style, not som lame shit maybe go up to a mountain and stand on a cliff, look down, see wher im destined to end up as i take the safety off, finger carressing the trigger, a cool wind blows as i prepare to leave my loved ones bitter, surprised they sstayed aound thislong only ever let em down ever since i was young, never good enough always disappointing this rap comes so easily writing it like noothing, to get this off my chest as theend comes near, i shaped my own destiny i chose to die, now i chose to die here, fuk your beliefs and your faith in gods plan i took my life intomy own fucking hands, i think we all know einstiens theory of insanity, i been doin the same shit fr so long now exspectin shit to change and, i guess im insane.. i took my brilliiant, my sharp mind and put it to waste. its time to pull the inevitable, the good die young idk in this case if thats viable, im scummy i did whatever it took to get my fix to kill that pitt  in my tummy. i hurt people close, i stole from my famil.y.. its time to end it, like i caqme into the world, by myself always alone, soemthing that my father toldme that really stuck, its cynical as fuck, but he was right. he said stay out of the bullshit the groggy muck. Only lookout for yourself son, ive been arounnd awhile, [people dont give a fuck about anyone else they care only for themselves, in the end at the most critical time they will always choose them instead of some one else. We are alone in this wrld and its the hard truth jut learn not to ddepend on others while you are still in your youth, ive been fucked over to many times by people i thought i was very close to. now im out to get mines me and only me you and only you, get that fucking look on ur face sorry for beeing real and telling the truth, im trying to prepare your for whats ahead, im tryig to prevent you from depending on a brutus who will fill you with lead, stab you in the back for their own personnal gain, being to trustworthy is a heroic flaw like being egotistical, wanting to help your friends to much, being aragont ect. kryptonite to super man pease dont be batman and let it be yourr bane, bane as in the villian to let you know. im back, here are my words again not my dads, ji really do miss all the relationships i had, havent spoken to my dad in years tookk one for theteam stayed with mama dukese inj the ssplit to save faace, foir my innocent younger brothers. you know what shes also my motheer, shes not capable of surviving alone i didnt think i would abandon her ever i thought id never do that, i stuck with her out of evveryone, a family oof six she looked out for me in times of strife wish i could give her one last kiss, just shot my last 20 and i fucin missed, absesses dont matte any more i bet this 45 shoots true time for the finale,  no way i can miss, as the curtains close on my young life one last thought people really took to me, like white on rice, women were drawn to me the mystery i had them enticced, June baby as a cancer i am hard to understand i met a chick once who had a spot in my liifes bnd, she knew me we had a connection so much love we were never disrespectin im glad i could atleast i could teach hersome shit before she ripped my beeating heart out of my chest and stepped on it. Loved hermore than life and i still do i promised her one day i would find her and marry her, walkher down that isle say the words ido, she felt what i felt i know its tru, wasnt ready fgor commitment baby i wil alwayslove yo never orget you if i can i connect with you, like a disease i infected you i aways broght you downi was just baggage extra wait holing you down dragging around im glad youo saw through my snake charming ways saw me for who i was a bumm who couldnt change noot in a short number of days, someone so crippled by pain and grief it was beyond belief, she was the only one i wore my heart on my sleeve for , she lef me sobbinig, crrying violently without end in the door the doorway to more pain. i know she had no choice she had to live her lifee i was just in he way, i was obscuring her focus. eye on the prize isthe only way to achieve your goals and tnt them fuckin boulders, in your way, today i die babe, long time comin bet yall thought i was here to stay. baby l dontshed a tear kno i died drinkin a beer haha but nah you were my last thoughts thinking about all the time we spent getting lost in eachothers eyes and gettin so close we read eachothers thougts, illl miss or idk if ill be concious or just nothjingness, i guess ill fnd out when i finally stop being a pussy and proced with this, see ya velma ill always be your shaggy thinka bout me and dont forget what i made you see, in your self im just another memory on our shelf but let it bbe one thaat sticks we had somethingthat made ssense just clicks somethin that felt so right im really gonn miss, everythinig abnout you im sorry you couldnt trust me but i dont doubt why. i know the truth ive never denied a thing in my life, dont getme wrong everybody tells a little white lie, but you know what its a sign of intelligence not to be afraid to say idk not to lie for the hll of it. Ill see you soon in the nxt life or two i hope reincarnatiuon has a possibility of being true, godbye cruel world th ride is over it was a hell of a whirl, i leave you with absolutely nohing conntributted i was just a part o the cancer people had to live with, butnever acknowledgedd, acted ignoant to ther surroundings as daddy paid for college, i burned bright and hot and had a lot of fun, i had alot of life experienc got alot of shit done, nothing productivee of course in ssocieties eyes but i did fullfill atleast some personal goals, important things in my eyes, the curtains are almost done descending as my pittiful life is ending, but keep your pitty mother  fuckers i dont want shit from any of you i dont give yoou nothin dont be so self righteous you look like a bunch of fools, greive for me or celebrate my life i guess its on you how you chhoose to rfemmeber a nobody that nobody knew, a couple feet before the curtains drop, is that? myy eyes decieving? me? no i do see that a single rose descends from the skies, i stare intently at the work of art, a rose is soo beautiful, a representation of love, from the heart, so delicate with its velvet petals, easily ruined a boket wouldve been nice, but who am i fooling, thats a beautiful thing, that was really nice. the product bubbles as i take my last hit of ice, cant takemy eyes off that rose.. its so beautiful... the gun on my forhead now, looking at each individual pedals.. dew from the early mornin forming a small puddle around that naturral phenom, that iconic organic, spectaacular symbol of sometthing real, somethin that matters, something sensual. 

As the bits of his brain splatter behid him, arms spread; with grace, almost angelic.he falls off the ciff a hundred feet now for falling, weird but there was a look of peace in his eyes; on his face, maybe he wll finally find happiness.. he fell with nobility and so much grace the floor he hit, his finall restingplace, what cuold be a better box then a natural setting, a  beaauty of nature, crawling all around and he will return to the earth, the mother wll  take him back just as she gave birth, i thinnk this shit is over now its not my story to tell, inside voices kids no reason to yell. shhhhhhhhhhh. 

dont depend dont believe the [enter here]