#I've never wrote about Connor before

[bookishb0rgid]

Scientific Advancement

@medwhumpmay day 6: Doctor turned patient Unconscious

Cw: Non-consensual drugging

Follow up from Day 4's prompt

They should really oil these wheels, notes Connor Belanger silently as he pushes the cart towards the back of the building. He tries, and fails, to not distract himself as he finds fascination in the unconscious boy. He could be the first real result. He thinks to himself proudly. He's a scientific marvel. He finds himself lost in his thoughts of scientific achievement and research and the honorable position he's been put in as he pushes the boy toward the back of a large van.

Someone opens the doors of the vehicle, stepping out, "Is this 183?"

"Yes, sir."

"Do you have his file?"

"It's right here," says Connor, passing it to the man.

Of course, it's unfortunate that this is how the research has to be carried out. A small risk for the sake of modern science.

"He's young," the man comments as the boy is lifted into the van.

"Gullible," replies Connor matter-of-factly. "Needed cash for college and decided this was an easy way to get it."

"Know him well?"

"He's a talker."

"Belanger," the man says in a warning sort of tone, "you're not getting attached, are you?"

"No, sir."

"And you're aware this stays between us?"

"Of course."

"Good," he says, "I'll contact you first, make sure no one comes looking for him."

Connor nods, bringing the empty cart back into the building, proud to be a part of something far greater than himself.

[racefortheironthrone]

What did you think of X-Men Blue Origins?

(I may turn this into a People's History of the Marvel Universe later today, so keep an eye on this space.)

X-Men Blue: Origins and the Power of the Additive Retcon

(WARNING: heavy spoilers under the cut)

Introduction

If you've been a long-time X-Men reader, or you're a listener of Jay & Miles or Cerebrocast or any number of other LGBT+ X-Men podcasts, you probably know the story about how Chris Claremont wrote Mystique and Destiny as a lesbian couple, but had to use obscure verbiage and subtextual coding to get past Jim Shooter's blanket ban on LGBT+ characters in the Marvel Universe.

Likewise, you're probably also familiar with the story that, when Chris Claremont came up with the idea that Raven Darkholme and Kurt Wagner were related (a plot point set up all the way back in Uncanny X-Men #142), he intended that Mystique was Nightcrawler's father, having used her shapeshifting powers to take on a male body and impregnate (her one true love) Irene. This would have moved far beyond subtext - but it proved to be a bridge too far for Marvel editorial, and Claremont was never able to get it past S&P.

This lacuna in the backstories of Kurt and Raven - who was Kurt's father? - would remain one of the enduring mysteries of the X-Men mythos...and if there's one thing that comic writers like, it's filling in these gaps with a retcon.

Enter the Draco

Before I get into the most infamous story in all of X-Men history, I want to talk about retcons a bit. As I've written before:

"As long as there have been comic books, there have been retcons. For all that they have acquired a bad reputation, retcons can be an incredibly useful tool in comics writing and shouldn’t be dismissed out of hand. Done right, retcons can add an enormous amount of depth and breadth to a character, making their worlds far richer than they were before. Instead, I would argue that retcons should be judged on the basis of whether they’re additive (bringing something new to the character by showing us a previously unknown aspect of their lives we never knew existed before) or subtractive (taking away something from the character that had previously been an important part of their identity), and how well those changes suit the character."

For a good example of an additive retcon, I would point to Chris Claremont re-writing Magneto's entire personality by revealing that he was a Jewish survivor of the Holocaust. As I have argued at some length, this transformed Magneto from a Doctor Doom knockoff into a complex and sympathetic character who could now work as a villain, anti-villain, anti-hero, or hero depending on the needs of the story.

For a good example of a subtractive retcon, I would point to...the Draco. If you're not familiar with this story, the TLDR is that it was revealed that Kurt's father was Azazel - an evil ancient mutant with the same powers and the same appearance (albeit color-shifted) as Kurt, who claims to be the devil and is part of a tribe of demonic-looking mutants who were banished to the Brimstone Dimension, and who fathered Nightcrawler as part of a plot to end this banishment.

I don't want to belabor Chuck Austen, because I think that Connor Goldsmith is right about his run actually being a camp cult classic in retrospect. However, I think we both agree that the Draco was a misfire, because of how the retcon undermined Kurt's entire thematic purpose as established in Giant-Size X-Men that Nightcrawler was actually a noble and arguably saintly man who suffered from unjust prejudice due to the random accident that his mutation made him appear to be a demon, and because of how the retcon undermined the centrality of Mystique and Destiny's relationship.

X-Men Blue Origins

This brings us to the Krakoan era. In HOXPOX and X-Men and Inferno, Jonathan Hickman had made Mystique and Destiny a crucial part of the story in a way that they hadn't been in decades: they were the great nemeses of Moira X, they were the force that threatened to burn Krakoa to the ground by revealing the devil's bargain that Xavier had struck with Sinister (and Moira), they were the lens through which the potential futures of Krakoa were explored, and they ultimately reshaped the Quiet Council and the Five in incredibly consequential ways.

This throughline was furthered after Hickman's departure, with Kieron Gillen exploring the backstories of Mystique and Destiny in Immortal X-Men and Sins of Sinister, and both Gillen and Si Spurrier exploring their relationship with Nightcrawler in AXE Judgement Day, Sins of Sinister, Way of X, Legion of X, Nightcrawlers, and Sons of X. One of the threads that wove through the interconnected fabric of these books was an increasing closeness between Kurt and Irene that needed an explanation. Many long-time readers began to anticipate that a retcon about Kurt's parentage was coming - and then we got X-Men Blue: Origins.

In this one issue, Si Spurrier had the difficult assignment of figuring out a way to "fix" the Draco and restore Claremont's intended backstory in a way that was surgical and elegant, that served the character arcs of Kurt, Raven, and Irene, and that dealt with complicated issues of trans and nonbinary representation, lesbian representation, disability representation, and the protean nature of the mutant metaphor. Thanks to help from Charlie Jane Anders and Steve Foxe, I think Spurrier succeeded tremendously.

I don't want to go through the issue beat-by-beat, because you should all read it, but the major retcon is that Mystique turns out to be a near-Omega level shapeshifter, who can rewrite themselves on a molecular level. Raven transformed into a male body and impregnated Irene, using bits of Azazel and many other men's DNA as her "pigments." In addition to being a deeply felt desire on both their parts to have a family together, this was part of Irene's plan to save them both (and the entire world) from Azazel's schemes, a plan that required them to abandon Kurt as a scapegoat-savior (a la Robert Graves' King Jesus), and to have Xavier wipe both their memories.

Now, I'm not the right person to write about what this story means on a representational level; I'll leave it to my LGBT+ colleagues on the Cerebrocast discord and elsewhere to discuss the personal resonances the story had for them.

What I will say, however, is that I thought this issue threaded the needle of all of these competing imperatives very deftly. It "fixed" the Draco without completely negating it, it really deepened and complicated the characters and relationships of both Raven and Irene (by showing that, in a lot of ways, Destiny is the more ruthless and manipulative of the two), and it honored Kurt's core identity as a man of hope and compassion (even if it did put him in a rather thankless ingénue role for much of the book).

It is the very acme of an additive retcon; nothing was lost, everything was gained.

I still think the baby Nightcrawler is just a bad bit, but then again I don't really vibe with Spurrier's comedic stylings.

[wlntrsldler]

well now that you let the angst monster peek out… can we have a luke and five star argument that happens while she’s visiting that leaves everyone tense and forcing them to make up, or smth along those lines?? i need more of their angst it’s too good 😁🙏

song: i choose you by kiana lede

"what do you want me to do, five star?" luke asked, trailing behind you. you both just entered the concert venue for their second album's listening session. the event was starting in a few hours and it was a struggle to sneak in through the back without any of the fans noticing you.

"do not call me that right now," you hissed, marching over to the back exit.

"fuck, are you serious? can you just-- stop walking so fast!" luke picked up his pace and planted his feet in front of you. he looked at you in disbelief as you crossed your arms over your chest with your lips in a pout. you tried to look at anything but him. "what do you want me to do, huh? you don't want people to know about us, which is fine! i'm good with that, but i can't control what people say about me. i can't control that they're speculating things. you know they're not true!"

you were being stubborn. you knew this. it wasn't luke's fault that someone named him as their celebrity crush and that the poisoned mercury fans were shipping them now. it wasn't his fault that your tiktok page was just edits of your boyfriend and the gorgeous, beautiful, singer. she didn't know luke was in a relationship. she didn't even know you existed.

outside of yours and luke's immediate circles, nobody knew. the long-distance thing was a blessing in disguise while you two hid your relationship from the public. no paparazzi pictures. no fan sightings.

"i don't know, okay?" you groaned, rubbing your face with your hands. "i don't know what i want right now."

"it looks like you wanna leave," luke clenched his jaw, gesturing to the door you were racing towards. "is that what you wanna do?"

you looked at him, hard and cold, "maybe i do."

luke scoffed, poking the inside of his cheek with his tongue, trying to hide the hurt in his face. he shook his head, an empty smile appearing on his lips, "fine. go, then."

around the corner, the boys and clarisse watched in silence. they were startled by the sound of you and luke arguing. you weren't yelling at each other, but the tone of your voices were rough. they'd never heard you guys like this before.

you and luke always spoke in hushed whispers with each other. sickeningly loving voices that were reserved for each other. the boys often joked about throwing up every time you and luke shared a kiss in front of them, but they loved seeing the two of you in love. so seeing you guys argue was something they weren't prepared for.

sure, couples argue and they fight, they weren't stupid enough to think that you two didn't do that, but you two always seemed to work it out. neither of you have ever left each other like this.

connor turned to clarisse when you walked out of the venue, slamming the door behind you as you left the building, "well, shit."

"what do we do?" travis questioned, panic in his eyes. "we have a gig in a few and luke is supposed to be singing these love songs he wrote about the girl who just left."

"dude. that's the last thing that should be on your mind," chris smacked him on the arm, "they just got in a fight."

"come on, it's luke and y/n. they're not gonna break up," he replied nonchalantly, "they're meant to be. i'm not worried about them."

"i am," clarisse mumbled. the boys all turned to look at her. "i-i've never seen her like this."

the boys were close, of course, they were, but they didn't always talk about relationships like this. they only knew about the surface-level things about your relationship because luke wasn't one to gush about the details of it. but if clarisse, who knew more about your side of the story, says that they should be worried, then maybe they should be.

before any of them could reply, luke walked by the group, grumbling and visibly upset. he collapsed on the couch with a thud and glared at them, "what?"

"are we gonna ignore the fucking elephant in the room?" travis asked, quirking an eyebrow. he motioned to the area where luke was previously standing, "what the fuck was that?"

"i'm not in the mood, stoll."

"you need to be more empathetic, bro," connor sighed, placing a hand on the older stoll's back.

"hey, none of you keep me for my empathy," travis shrugged, sitting beside luke. he nudged him with his elbow, trying to get him to crack a smile, "you keep me for my innate ability to kill it on the drums and for my humor. oh! and my killer looks, how can i forget that?"

luke snorted, letting out a dry laugh. he shoved travis playfully, easing his shoulders, "you're terrible."

"you guys okay?" clarisse piped in, standing beside chris. she reached for his hand to anchor her. "that seemed intense."

"i don't know," luke chewed on his bottom lip, "she's mad that fans are shipping me with some actress that said i was her celebrity crush, but i don't know what to do about it."

"oh, i've seen those edits," she cringed, sending luke a sad smile. "they're everywhere right now."

"clar, i don't know what i'm supposed to do here," luke was out of ideas. he propped his elbows on his knees, leaning forward. "she doesn't want people to know about us, which is fair. i get it. i'm fine with keeping it under wraps for now because i also don't want the media in my personal business and i don't wanna subject her to that. but like-- what am i supposed to do? i can't control what people make up online."

"yeah that's fair," she mused. she paused for a second. "did she ever tell you about the guy who asked her out to his frat formal?"

"yeah," luke mumbled, "la rue, if your goal was to get me madder, it's working because i distinctly remember telling five star that i would fly to north carolina to punch that guy square in the jaw."

"calm down," she laughed, "but you know how you're feeling right now? that's how y/n feels, but like a hundred times more. imagine people telling you that your girlfriend would be perfect with some other guy, who probably would make more sense for her. he goes to her school, he's attractive-- their relationship would make sense."

"y/n has to deal with having to share you with the world, luke. and it's not your fault and she wouldn't trade what you guys have for anything, but having to see people talk about her boyfriend being perfect with someone else? i dunno," she shrugged, looking at chris. chris held her hand tighter. she turned to luke again, "i would probably react the same way as her."

"oh," luke conceded. "just curious, what was the guy's name?"

"y/n didn't even bother getting his name," clarisse said. "she just said no and walked away. then she called you because she missed you."

"get your ass up and get your girl, castellan," travis pushed luke off the couch.

luke didn't need to be told twice. he opened the door, craning his head left and right to look for you. he saw you leaning against the wall, a familiar device in your hand. you exhaled, smoke escaping your parted lips, walking over to him.

luke met you halfway, pulling you to his body when he got close enough. he placed a kiss on the crown of your head, "don't like it when we fight."

"i don't either," you mumbled, gripping him tightly, "i'm sorry. i shouldn't have taken it out on you."

"you know there's nobody else for me, yeah?"

"no, i know," you pulled away from him a tiny bit, but luke wasn't having it. he wrapped his arms around your waist to keep you from taking a step back. you looked up at him, feeling vulnerable, "it's just getting to me, i think. it's hard to be unphased when everyone wants your boyfriend."

"fuck everyone else," luke hummed, placing a soft kiss on your lips. your lips molded together perfectly. "want you. only you. next time you're feeling this way, tell me, okay? i can think of so many better ways than fighting to reassure you of how i feel."

you giggled, trailing kisses on his jawline, "i can think of a few ways right now."

he pulled out his phone, turning to face you with a mischievous glint in his eyes, "we got a three hours. how many ways do you think we can do?"

--

"so this song is not on the album," luke started, taking his mic off the stand. the crew rushed over to switch to the acoustic set. his eyes found yours in the small crowd. you furrowed your eyebrows in a questioning manner. "but we wanted to give you guys a surprise song at this listening session."

travis got situated on his acoustic drum set, sending luke a thumbs up. the rest of the boys sat on the stools in front of the crowd. cheers erupted from the group you and clarisse sat with, all buzzing with excitement that they were getting an unreleased song.

"i wrote this song a few weeks ago and we haven't gotten the chance to record it so it may be rough," luke laughed into the mic, eyes not leaving yours. "but i wrote this song about a girl that i met last summer. and... well, i'll let the song speak for itself. this is 'i choose you.' hope you like it."

[poppadom0912]

Her father's daughter

Warnings: Kidnapping, crying, canon-typical injuries, blood

Summary: When all is well, someone just has to barge in and ruin Will and Faith's lives.

A/N: Soo, I am back more than a month later. I didn't mean to disappear for so long... It will happen again i am sorry. This Ramadan has come with more work and I have exams in two weeks that i refuse to fail. I will most likely return at the end of april/beginning of May.

i've been thinking about writing this for a while because of how much I love Faith but I didn't want to hurt her but then I thought, no one can turn down some good old angst. Sorry again for being mia for nearly another month but randomly wrote this all in one sitting after doing some psychology and having an existential crisis soooo. This is going to be a little longer than usual, happy reading!!

Will was at work when it happened.

He was getting ready to assist Connor in a surgery when he got a call as they were scrubbing in.

The part-time nanny he hired was now basically considered family over the two years she'd been looking after Faith whenever she wasn't in school and Will was at work. So to have her calling him at work was odd but when he answered her call and was immediately met with tears and gasping and hyperventilating, Will felt his heart stop.

Will wasted no time. simply telling her he was on his way before hanging up.

Connor, without hesitation, encouraged Will to leave, saying he'd find Goodwin and tell her himself.

As soon as Will was in his car, the first person he called was a no brainer.

Whenever Will called, Jay would always come running, day or night for his older brother and niece, consequences be damned.

Will found himself struggling when Jay answered, grappling for words he couldn't muster.

"What's wrong Will?"

"Faith's gone Jay... Someone's taken her."

*****

The brothers met up at Faith's school, Will arriving before Jay.

The second Will got there, Allison, the nanny, found him instantly. She ran up to him in tears, hysterically crying as if it was her own child that was taken.

"Will I'm so sorry." She gasped, on the edge of a panic attack, eyes impossibly red as she hyperventilated, tears showing no sign of stopping any time soon.

"They- Reception said a woman picked her up in Maggie's name three hours ago-" She cut herself off with a sob. Poor women was a mess, seeing her so distraught made Will want to cry along with her.

"Allison, please listen." Will said sternly, holding her shoulder so she would pay attention to him. "None of this is your fault, okay? If it wasn't for you, it would've been another two hours before someone found out."

She exhaled shakily, nodding fervently when Will pressed her to stop apologising and accept she was at no fault, there was no reason for her to take any blame.

Before either could say anything more, the sound of sirens scared them, making both of them jump at the sudden loud sound.

At the sight of familiar cars, Will wasn't too sure if he felt relief or impending doom.

"Intelligence Will need to take a statement but after that you can go home." Will told Allison, squeezing her bicep with a timid smile for reassurance.

"As soon as they find Faith, you'll be the first to know, I promise."

*****

Jay was struggling to concentrate on the CCTV footage him and Adam were meant to be watching.

He could say with 100 percent confidence the he never thought he'd find himself in such a situation.

intelligence have been involved with numerous kidnappings. So many in fact that it was usually what they would be expecting to be called in for every day.

But, this was his niece's kidnapping. This wasn't the norm for him let alone the rest of them. A five year olds kidnapping was something they'd never want to deal with, especially someone who was family.

"Here it is." Adam said, clicking the mouse a few more times before settling on a frame, the scene being the reception of Faith's school.

Shaking any deprecating thoughts away, Jay pushed his chair forward, looking closely and minimising his blinks as to not miss a single second of valuable footage. Footage that would show the final moments of Faith being alive and safe.

The halls were empty for the most of it, bar the occasional janitor or teacher walking by. Two minutes passed when a woman in a black trench coat walked up to the desk. Her brown hair obscuring her face from the camera's view along with the thick scarf wrapped around her neck.

She spoke to the receptionist, signing a sheet of paper before a lady walked away, soon returning with a small familiar bundle.

Faith was in her little purple puffer jacket, bobble hat covering her ears and mitten on her little hands. She wore little winter boots, her my little pony backpack sat nicely on her shoulders and Will's old scarf held in her hands. Unconsciously, Jay thought about how she always complained about the itchiness of the scarf that Will would always wrap around her masterfully, his method luring out the most wonderful sound to mankind; Faith's laughter.

Faith looked perfect, just like her fathers carbon copy and even from the shitty camera footage, Jay could see the pep in her step and the twinkle that never extinguished from her eyes.

Jay's thoughts trailed back to earlier this morning when he was still fast asleep in bed but his brother had messaged him, sending him a picture of Faith in all her adorableness. Nothing had changed from that picture and it warmed his heart slightly.

Usually, whoever picked her up was met with the biggest hello, the widest smile and incessant talking and she retold the adventures of her day but this time, Faith's steps faltered at the sight of the stranger.

Jay struggled to watch the rest.

*****

All Will could hear was his baby girls cries echoing in his ears.

He'd heard her cry plentiful, he raised her since birth for goodness sakes but this cry was different. It was like he could hear just how scared she was and it felt like a literal stab in the heart.

Will forced Allison home twenty minutes ago after Hailey took her statement and was told everything. She was still very torn and upset, she refused to leave Will for several reasons but before she started blaming herself again, Will forced her to leave, promising once again to call her later.

Jay had shown Will the footage of the woman who never showed her face, maybe there was some chance Will could recognise the back of her. Somehow, she knew the exact school Faith went to as well as knowing the list of very few people that were allowed to pick her up. The list consisted of Will obviously, Jay, Allison and Maggie.

Somehow, whoever this person was, they knew who was on the emergency contact list, information that only the school and said people were privy to.

That small bit of information made Will want to be sick.

They had tried other means to try identify the woman but they were coming up with nothing. Another hour had passed, now being give hours since Faith had been taken and Will was slowly losing the plot.

"I've contacted a bunch on my CI's." Jay said, face set in stone as he finished presenting. "Still waiting to hear back."

"I have several CI's in that area." Antonio added, Kevin nodding to also confirm. "Waiting for a call any time now."

Voight hummed, giving no indication of what he was thinking or feeling. But not too long ago, he had taken Will aside and promised they would bring Faith back to him, no matter the cost.

No matter the cost. Ethically, Will wasn't too sure what to feel but emotionally, he felt relieved.

Will must've zoned out for a bit because the next thing he knew, only him, Jay and Antonio remained in the bullpen. Everyone else seemingly disappeared.

Wow, he really needed to fix up.

"Hey, how are you-"

Just as Jay opened his mouth, he was cut off by a phone ringing.

*****

Jay wasn't allowed to accompany Antonio to his CI, instead taking Kevin with him. The Latino was never once persuaded by Jay, even when he promised to stay in the car.

The sun was now starting to set and there was a clear shift in the atmosphere as the sky grew darker. To ease broth his own and his brothers fears, Jay sat with Will, sitting together in a silence neither could stand.

This was an uncommon occurrence since Will had returned from New York, the two brothers being alone together. Since coming back, it had always been the three of them. So to be in this moment, both Halstead's would rather die than to have to repeat this again.

"You want a coffee?" Jay asked, eyeing up the half empty coffee pot. At the rate this investigation was going, they'd be needing more than just coffee to help them stay up.

"Sure." Will hadn't meant for his answers to be monosyllabic, Jay had done nothing but right now, he had not much left in him to continue being so forth coming.

The silence enveloping their space, Will usually relished in any moments of silence he could get but this was just uncomfortable. Never did he ever want his little girl to be causing such a ruckus.

"Maggie called me back." Will said, watching Jays' back, following his actions as he made both their coffee's. "She doesn't recognise the woman nor has she told anyone outside the ED's staff about Faith - that's all people I know and none of them know that woman."

Jay hummed as he stirred the tiniest bit of sugar when his tasted a little too bitter for his liking. "That's good but it does mean we have even less of an idea as to who this is."

Will didn't reply, only mumbling a small thanks as he took the mug from Jay's outstretched hand and sipping the lukewarm drink.

"Have you butted heads with anyone at work recently?" Jay asked, knowing his brothers stubbornness very well.

"No." Will rolled his eyes. "I've been under Goodwin's strong scrutiny after the last stunt. Go ask anyone, I've been good."

And for a second, nothing felt as heavy but such a feeling didn't last.

"Antonio and Kevin are back." Trudy suddenly appeared in the doorway of the breakroom causing both of them to flinch. "Go see them downstairs."

*****

"My CI works in a restaurant. When I reached out, his story matched up with ours." Antonio started, standing tall besides the computer screen where Kevin was trying to connect it to the USB they were given.

"At the same time Will called us, a different woman came and ordered a takeaway with a kid he said looks a lot like Faith."

Will felt his heart rate picking up the more Antonio spoke. Hearing all of this felt like a fever dream, he didn't want to get his hopes up just in case they reached another dead end.

The camera footage started to play, Kevin skipping it when nothing was happening, only to abruptly replay it when someone walked in.

All they could see was the back of the woman, her black hair in a braid, scarf wrapped around her neck with a long jacket on. As Will's eyes studied the stranger, he followed her outstretched arm to-

Faith

Will's breath hitched at the sight of his little girl who hadn't seen since the early hours of the morning when he dropped her off to school. He held his breath, watching closely to see if a single hair was misplaced on her body or to try and see what she was feeling from either her scrunched up eyebrows or her quivering lips.

But he couldn't see anything.

The woman went to the counter, ordered her food and stood there for however long it took for the food to be made. Only when she was handed a carrier bag with several containers did she finally turn around and show her face.

Will's face paled in recognition instantly.

"What's wrong Will?" Jay noticed his change immediately, his question causing everyone in the room to turn and look at him. "Do you recognise her?"

Will swallowed harshly, blinking repeatedly to bring himself out of shock.

"Yeah, it's Faith's mum."

*****

With this newfound information, it didn't take Intelligence long to track her down.

Stephanie Brooks, 'Steph' was what she insisted everyone call her. For just over a year, she was Will's girlfriend and as of five years ago, she was Faiths absent mother.

Ever since that night five years ago, Will never thought he'd see his ex again but here he was, sitting in the back of his brothers truck as he waited for Intelligence to get his daughter back.

Once they had her name, they found the car she had under her name in Chicago and the place she was renting out as of three months ago. Three months of which she had been watching them under a microscope.

Will actually had to go be sick in the toilet when Kim turned around with all of Stephanie's activities since she arrived in Chicago, all of which suspiciously looked very familiar and aligned with everything he and Faith did recently.

That aside, all Will had to do now was wait.

Jay and Kevin stood in front, Kevin ready to kick the door down before Jay could go in first. All they were waiting for was for Voight's signal.

"Now!"

Within seconds, they were all entering the bungalow, guns out and pointed in any direction, covering all corners as they searched for Stephanie.

"Clear!"

"Clear!"

They all went separate directions, covering every room in search of any life and soon enough, they found their culprit.

She screamed.

"Stephanie Brooks, your under arrest..." Adam went on, reciting the words they all had memorised for years now, his gun lowered slightly as Antonio went forward to handcuff her.

"What, no! You're crazy!" She shouted, struggling against Antonio's grip. Despite the cheap bungalow she rented, she was dressed as if ready for a night out. Her hair was curled, makeup perfect, heels and a tight fitted dress on.

"Kidnapping?" She scoffed, continuing to struggle as she was forced onto her feet. "She's my child, my daughter!"

"You can't take her from me." She told them, getting more riled up when she saw Adam rolling his eyes at her. "I want my lawyer, you have no right to take my daughter from me."

On the other side of the bungalow, Jay heard nothing but thundering in his ears as he frantically looked up and down for his niece. Nearly every room had been covered and they hadn't found her yet-

Jay felt his heart break the second Faith was in his sight.

He found her stuffed in the bathtub shivering. He had to kick down the door, finding her with zip ties around her wrists and ankles, sat in the bathtub with on her knickers and vest on.

Faith started crying.

Without another thought, Jay dropped his gun and rushed forward, kneeling at the edge of the bathtub before picking her up and dropping her into his lap.

"Oh Faith." Jay sighed, wrapping his arms around her as she curled into him. "It's okay, your safe, Jay Jay's got you now."

As sobs racked her little body, Jay took out his knife and carefully cut the zip ties off. As soon as the were chucked to the side, she wrapped her arms as far as they could around his torso.

Standing up, Jay took strides out the bathroom and made his way outside. Hailey found him on the way, taking her scarf off with Kim not too far behind taking her jacket off.

Both garments swaddled Faith, protecting her bare limbs from the torturous snow but she continued to shiver.

Jay felt himself breathing easier with her in his arms but Will was firmly on his mind.

Only a metre away from the premises did Jay find Will who was already bounding towards them.

"Faith, look." Jay gently poked her, watching her carefully pick her head up and turn in the direction Jay was pointing.

The cry she let out, it would forever haunt him.

"Faith."

Jay handed her over to his older brother who's arms encased her small body. Will dipped his face in her hair, inhaling the comforting smell that he never wanted to forget.

"Oh baby. It's okay, it's okay." Will repeated as she sobbed, showing no signs of stopping any time soon. "Daddy's got you."

Will pressed several kisses wherever he could: in her hair, her forehead, her ear poking out from her curls, her cheek anywhere. His arms tightened in their embrace and if it wasn't for Jay who was supporting him, he would fallen into the snow as soon as he lost all feeling in his legs.

Will could barely hear his own thoughts over Faith's gut wrenching cries. Somehow, her tears weren't running dry. To see her in such a state but to have her back and safe with him, Will finally let his emotions get the better of him.

He sniffled, hiding his face in her wild curls he always struggled to tame, his tears dropping like rain but his cries were muffled. Screwing his eyes shut, he tried to even out his breathing, Jay's hand on his back comfortingly rubbing circles kept him somewhat sane.

"We're driving to Med." Jay told him, directing the father-daughter duo towards his truck.

Sitting in the back, the outside world no longer existed, his entire universe was sat in his lap. Will had lost track of time, she had been continuously crying but Faith was silent now as she was knocked out, crying herself to sleep, that's how tired she was. All he could hear was the occasional soft snore, but he could feel everything from her rising chest against his own, her curls that needed to be brushed, her skin that was slowly warming up from both his own body heat and the garments wrapped around her and the tears that were drying on his shirt.

Will felt like he could finally start to relax.

*****

Faith remained in Will's arms at Med, even when he woke her up, neither of them made any move of letting go.

As soon as they got to the hospital, Will was surrounded by all his colleagues, all riddled with stress that was slowly disappearing when they saw Faith.

Currently, Natalie was doing the standard tests, letting Will do all the convincing which wasn't a lot. As soon as he asked, Faith complied.

"I'll go grab some heating blankets." Natalie said, stepping back as she finished off. "I'll make sure to put a rush on these."

"Thanks Nat." Will said, letting Faith curl back into his embrace.

"It's no problem." She smiled, her eyes looking down at the little girl, the sight of father and daughter making her think of Owen. "We're all just glad she's safe and mostly unharmed."

Will tried not to think of the scrapes and clotting up scabs that littered her body. He hadn't seen any of them till they got to Med, his chest restricting to know she had been hurt and he wasn't there to relieve her of the pain.

"Thank Ethan for me." Will added when Natalie was about to leave. "Faith loves the my little pony band aids."

And with that, they were left alone for the first time surrounded by the muffled sounds of the bustling department and the occasional beeps of machinery and the faint drips of the iv.

Despite being a doctor for years, Will found it difficult to see the iv needle in Faith. To have two worlds collide, Will would never wish this upon any parent.

Small pokes to his collarbone caught his attention, Faith poking it ever so gently as she stared up at him imploringly with the widest eyes that still glistened, their colour identical to the woman who was going behind bars.

"Missed you." She whispered, voice breaking towards the end. It was the first time she had spoken since she found her and the two words made his eyes water.

"I missed you too. Missed you so much baby." Will replied, tucking her hair behind her ears so he could see her whole face. "I'm so sorry baby. Daddy loves you so much."

A smile appeared on her cherry lips, her dimples not too far behind. Seeing them made it feel like nothing was wrong with the world and only the two of them mattered.

"Home?" She asked, her voice filled with so much innocence and hope that Will has to give himself some time before replying.

"Not yet, I'm sorry bubbles." He apologised, rubbing circles into her back. "Jay Jay still needs to come back and Maggie needs to bring you some medicine. She might even ask you to sleepover."

For once, Will was glad she was so eager to stay at his workplace. She had such wonderment surrounding his job, the thought of sleeping over at his work was almost a dream come true.

To finally see her mood pick up, her eyes glistening now with newfound happiness at the prospect of a sleepover, unaware of the connotations it had, Will allowed himself to feel good.

For now, all that mattered was that his daughter was rightfully back with her father and surrounded by family that would do anything for her.

[americaswritings]

When we fall | Part 1

Warnings (for all parts): Fluff, angst!!, description of injuries, blood, violence, use of guns, mentions of death, probably unaccurate policing/medicine

Summary: You moved to Chicago to start a new life. Working as a doctor alongside your brother Connor you make new friends and although you swore to yourself not to let any man in your life at least for a while, your promises fail when you lock eyes with a handsome stranger in a bar.

Words: 6k

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Doctor!Rhodes!reader

A/N: I just started watching Chicago PD (I'm on season 3 now) after I've been watching Fire and Med for years now. I just can't stand Voight so I only began watching for Jay and Burzek! And I am so in love with Jay. Please, this man is perfect. Just look at that handsome face!!

This is going to be a 3 part series I wrote on a whim. Originally I only planned on writing one scene, but then I figured it needed a backstory so this happened...

I have to say I am really proud how it turned out. I was just in such a flow when I wrote it that the story basically wrote itsself. I hope you enjoy and that the characters feel true to themselves :)

You had only began working at Gaffney Chicago Medical Center a few months ago, hesitant to work alongside your brother but knowing it was an opportunity, which would be stupid not to take.

Having moved to Chicago recently to be close with your brother after a messy break-up, you were still adjusting to your new life.

It was why you were more than relieved when you got along well with your co-workers, especially Natalie and her boyfriend Will.

They were understanding of your situation, were never bothered to show you where to find something at the hospital and made you feel welcome from the beginning as they invited you in on their group plans and joked like you were old friends.

Although you still felt a little uncertain at times to work with your brother, who had made himself a name as a brilliant trauma and cardiothoracic surgeon, he had been supportive since your decision to leave your old town behind and start a new life in Chicago.

Maybe, you thought, coming here had been exactly what you needed. A fresh start, a new beginning with new friends and no men to mess with your heart. At least for now.

“I told you I have sworn off men”, you sighed, shaking your head in amusement at Natalie’s try to play matchmaker. “They’re trouble. I don’t need that in my life right now.”

“Hey!” Will send you a look, though you knew he wasn’t mad. “She’s not wrong though”, April stated and Ethan next to her grinned. “I mean it though”, you said directed at Natalie. “I just want to focus on myself right now. My job. No dating for now.”

Everyone at the table nodded and you relaxed, glad you had found these people, who respected and supported you. “Cheers to that!” April raised her glass and you did the same when you noticed yours was empty.

With a groan you pushed yourself out of your seat and up, gesturing towards the bar. “I’m going to get another drink. Anyone want something?” They all shook their heads, already moving onto another topic.

As you made your way over to the counter you studied the people around you, trying to determine who was a cop, a firefighter and who a regular. Right in the beginning the others had introduced you to Mollys, claiming it was Chicago’s bar where first responders spend their time after shift.

Figuring it might come in handy to memorize some faces you let your gaze drift over the sea of people, recognizing a few men that Connor had once told you worked at the CFD. They were laughing loudly, beers in hand as they seemed to be talking enthusiastically about something.

At the table next to theirs your gaze came to a hold, your eyes caught by a man you had never seen before but looked slightly familiar. Your brows furrowed as you rummaged in your head for something that connected you to him, but you couldn’t find anything.

The people who sat with him didn’t look familiar either, consisting of men and one woman with chestnut hair. Your eyes drifted back to the man, who had caught your attention, his brown hair styled neatly and his hands wrapped around a bottle of beer that he just raised to his lips.

You didn’t meant to stare, but you were mesmerized, torn between trying to determine why he looked so familiar and captured by his effortless handsomeness.

He wore a green shirt, making you think his eyes were the same shade, although it was hard to know with the distance between you.

He seemed relaxed, leant back in his seat but listening to the others conversation attentively. Having sensed someone’s eyes on him he suddenly looked up, his eyes searching the room for a split second before they fell onto you.

Your face heat up as a blush crept up your cheeks, knowing you had missed your chance to turn away. The man raised his brows slightly, in confusion just as much as amusement it seemed, before he lightly lifted his bottle, as if he was saying cheers.

You clutched your glass a little tighter, glad that it had been refilled in the time you had spent gawking at him, and copied the movement, an unstable smile on your lips. Then you turned away, meeting Stella’s gaze from the other side of the bar.

The two of you had met when she had been at the hospital for smoke inhaling a while ago and you had clicked almost instantly, connected by your determination to hold your own in a field still dominated by men. And by your past with toxic relationships as you found out later.

“What was that?”, she asked, a teasing grin tugging at the corner of her lips as her eyes flickered between you and the man behind you. A part of you wanted to ask if he was still watching you, the other longed to forget it had ever happened.

“I don’t know.” You let out a dramatic sigh. “Can we just forget it ever happened?”

Stella’s face lit up, her curls dancing around her face as she shook her head. “Yeah, you wish. But that was definitely something.”

You exhaled, pinching your nose. “Thank you for the drink.” You saw Stella open her mouth in protest at your ignoration of her words, but before she could say anything else you send her an apologetical smile and hurried off.

No one seemed to have noticed your encounter and you slipped into the booth with ease, trying hard not to steal another glance at the unknown man a few tables away.

No men, you reminded yourself. Right now you needed to focus on getting your life together, not getting your heart broken by a handsome stranger.

-

“Dr. (Y/l/n)?” “Yeah?”, your head shot up from where you had filled out paper work. Because Connor and you were only half-sibling, you didn’t share the same last name, something you had been more than glad over when stepping foot in this hospital for the first time.

No one knew where you came from and that you shared genes with the successful Dr. Rhodes and you had left it at that at first, wanting to make your own impression first before dropping the information.

You could still remember their shocked faces, the questions, but most of all the excitement as they asked what Connor had been like growing up. If you had any embarrassing stories to tell or photos to show.

You didn’t, keeping them to yourself for now, because you hadn’t come here to make fun of your brother. He had been your rock through your breakup and your move here, something you were so grateful for you feared you would never be able to show him just how much.

“We have someone hit bit a bullet waiting in the three.” Your eyes widened. “Why didn’t they come with an ambulance?”, you asked, grabbing your iPad along the way.

Maggie waved off your comment, chuckling. “Cops. You know how they are.”

Actually, you didn’t. Coming from a small town you had no experience with shootings and gangs and many of the other trauma causes that were common here in Chicago. It was why you had been so excited about your job offer at the hospital.

Although you were still adjusting to the changes of living in a city and there were downsides you hadn’t considered before, you liked it. It felt so different, giving you the sense that in this city everything could be possible.

So many options and so many possibilities, as if you could completely reinvent yourself. It was thrilling, making you wonder how you had ever lived without the adrenaline rush of stepping into a busy ER.

Quickly scanning the information on your tablet you pulled open the curtain, clamping the iPad under your arm as you disinfected your hands.

“Hi, I’m doctor (y/l/n) and you are?” You glanced up, startled as you met the eyes of a familiar stranger. The man in front of you grinned, seemingly better at covering up his surprise. “Shouldn’t it say my name on your tablet?”

He didn’t sound rude, only a little sarcastic and perhaps even teasing. You gulped, trying to recompose yourself. “Right. I just prefer getting to know my patients myself than just relying on numbers and letters.”

You didn’t see his reaction when you grabbed your iPad again, glancing down at it. “So your name is Jay Hal-” “Halstead”, he finished for you and you looked up at him again.

It made sense now, why he had seemed so familiar to you nights ago at Mollys. “You’re Will’s brother.” The man in front of you, Jay, as you knew now, raised a brow. “Have you considered becoming a detective?”

He was mocking you, again, and you were tempted to smack him with your iPad. “So-”, he paused, letting his eyes drift over you. You felt your body tense under his gaze, cop’s eyes, and stood a little straighter.

“You were watching me at Mollys.”

You pressed your lips into a thin line, biting your tongue. You could only hope the embarrassment that began to sink in didn’t show.

“I was not watching you”, you stated and he raised a brow, daring you to explain yourself. “I just thought you looked familiar, but I couldn’t figure out why. Now it makes sense.”

You turned halfway towards the door, gesturing to the halls where somewhere his brother was treating another patient.

“I don’t think that’s the whole truth.”

You almost gasped at the confidence in his voice, instead blowing out a breath. “It definitely was.”

He shook his head, smiling. “I don’t buy it.”

There were many things you wanted to say to him, but you swallowed them, knowing it was no use. He clearly enjoyed teasing you, so you wouldn’t give him more fuel.

Instead you let out a sigh, shifting into professionality. “So, Mr. Halstead”, you began. “Jay is fine.” You tried not to let his interruption let you lose your string again and nodded. “Jay, you’re here for a bullet wound on your left upper arm?”

Jay nodded, his eyes- they really were green- bright. Pulling on your gloves you decided it was time to reclaim your own position a little. “And you decided to just walk in here instead of coming with an ambulance? Seems a little reckless, don’t you think?”

He raised one brow at your question. “It’s just a graze. I wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for my boss.” He rolled his eyes, making you wonder what his boss was like.

“Seems like your boss is a lot smarter than you”, you muttered, but to your surprise Jay grinned. “You’re new here, right? At least I’ve never seen you here before. Do you always talk to patients like that?”

You shrugged, unbothered by his words as you stepped close to him to take a look at his arm. You didn’t know what had gotten into you to talk to him like that, but you had the feeling with him it was fine. That he could take it, perhaps even enjoyed it over your dry professionalism.

“Only to the ones I like best”, you said with sarcasm in your voice, too focused on inspecting his wound to check his expression.

Jay didn’t move under your touch, allowing you to move his arm before you let it go again. He had done this before, probably multiple times. It was why he was so unbothered, perhaps even annoyed to waste his time here on something that seemed unsignificant to him.

For a moment you were tempted to ask him how he could choose a job that demanded such sacrifice, but you didn’t know him and you doubted he would give you an honest answer. Not that you could blame him. You were practically strangers.

And was your job much different? Although you had never been hurt and doubted it would ever happen, you were still making countless of sacrifices for it. Taking on extra shifts, working through the nights, staying longer to take more time for your patients and putting their health over your own sometimes.

“It’s just a graze shot”, you said when you were done inspecting the wound, ignoring his look that seemed to say “told you”.

“But you still need to be careful with it. Give it rest, avoid any rapid movements, don’t lift too heavy with it…I think you know.”

Jay nodded, watching you remove your gloves. “Does that happen often?” He tilted his head in question and you bit your lip. “I mean, you- getting shot on the job.”

“Are you asking if I come here often?” His lips were curled into a lopsided grin, looking way too handsome on his features. You rolled your eyes at his teasing, ignoring the way your heart beat a little faster in your chest. “Forget it”, you stated, throwing your gloves into the bin.

“I am going to tell one of the residents to come and bandage the wound. Then you’re free to go.”

But before you could move the curtain again and leave the room you heard Jay’s voice behind you. “Wait.”

You paused, turning back to him slowly. For the first time he wore a serious expression, his jaw twitching.

“I’m with the Intelligence”, he stated, in a way that told you the name should ring a bell. It didn’t. You were too new to know much about it.

Jay seemed to sense it by your lack of a reaction to his words. “We’re…very involved in the City.”

Whatever that meant. You tilted your head in question. “You mean with the gangs?”

Jay shifted. “Voight, my boss, he can be very- intense.”

You nodded slowly, taking in his guarded expression. It was a topic you wouldn’t pry at. “And you’re okay with it? I mean- you’re just so…casual about this.”

You bit your lip, hesitant to ask him but curious as well. The cops in your home town had barely ever used their weapon to the point you sometimes even doubted they were able to.

Jay shrugged nonchalantly. “Before I worked for the CPD I was in the army. I’ve been through a lot worse than a graze. Getting shot at is just another part of my job.”

A veteran.

In such a short amount of time Jay had revealed so much to you. Suddenly you had a lot more respect for the man in front of you and you wondered if that was his way of coping, covering up his battle wounds and scars with sarcasm and wit.

You swallowed, trying to find words. But none seemed fitting. “Sounds like I will be seeing you here often then.” You kept your voice emotionless, although the thought of seeing Jay regularly made your heart speed up a little. Of course you would prefer different circumstances.

Damn his handsome face and wit.

He grinned slightly, shifting the atmosphere back to something lighter. “Don’t get too excited. I prefer staying bullet free.” “As you should.”

Typing something into your iPad you gave Jay a final nod. “Stay safe out there.” Then you turned to the door, already halfway out when you heard his voice again.

“I don’t even know your name.”

You froze, smiling to yourself when you tried not to put too much weight into the fact that he had called you back a second time. It seemed almost as if he didn’t want you to leave just yet.

But you pushed the thought aside, knowing it was pointless. You couldn’t let yourself get distracted so easily.

Turning back to him you put on a polite smile.

“You’re a detective, figure it out.”

You were surprised by your own confidence, but with Jay you didn’t feel shy or insecure. He made you feel like you could say anything and he wouldn’t mind. The type of man that didn’t get upset easily, so comfortable with who he was that it took a lot to get him to lose his temper.

“I could just ask my brother, you know.”

You shrugged, unimpressed. “If that lets you sleep at night, sure.”

You left the room smiling to yourself and it took you another few minutes to calm your rapid heart and collect yourself.

-

“You didn’t tell me you have a brother!” “What?” Will looked up from the computer, startled by the way you had barged into the break room.

Your shift was over and you couldn’t wait to get home and relax on the couch, but before that you needed to talk to Will. Because after encountering the other Halstead your mind hadn’t been able to let go of what had happened between the two of you. The way he had looked at you, teased you. How he had made you feel nervous and confident in just a matter of moments.

“Why didn’t you tell me you have a brother?” You leaned on the desk, sure that you had Will’s full attention now. “You didn’t tell us you had a brother the first few weeks either.”

“That’s different.” You shook your head. “And I did tell you. So…?”

Will leaned back in his chair, stretching his back. “I didn’t think it mattered. I would have introduced you eventually but- wait, is Jay here?”

You bit your tongue, feeling a little caught. You hadn’t thought that maybe Jay didn’t want his brother to know what had happened. But it was too late now, and anyway, how should you have known?“

"He was. He is fine though.” You kept your words vague, aware that you weren’t allowed to share personal information with Will. Even if they were brothers.

Will let out a sigh. “That idiot. Probably got himself in trouble again.” He reached for his phone across the desk and you quickly got up, straightening.

“You didn’t get it from me”, you threw in before Will could drag you into it and he looked up at you with curiosity in his eyes. “I wasn’t going to mention you.”

��Oh.” You nodded, feeling relieved yet a little flustered. Will studied you with attentive eyes, reminding you of his brother for a second before his expression shifted into suspicion.

“So you met Jay.” He said it in a way that proposed something meaningful behind his words, but you couldn’t figure out why. “I did.” You shifted your weight to the balls of your feet before swaying forward again. A nervous habit. “I bet he’s the younger one.”

“He is, yeah.”

You suppressed a grin. It made so much sense. “So I should probably head home now. I got the early shift tomorrow.”

“Right.” Will nodded, the phone in his hands seemingly forgotten as his eyes were still fixed on you. “Did something happen between you and my brother?”

Your heart sank a little. Were you really so obvious? “I told you I’ve sworn off men. And your brother is- annoying.”

You wished the last part didn’t sound like it came straight from a five year old’s mouth, but it was too late to take back.

“Trust me, I know that.” Will let out a sigh, but you could see the fondness in his eyes. The gesture alone told you they had a close relationship.

A cop and a doctor. What a pair.

“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.”

-

Weeks had passed since you had last seen Jay. He hadn’t shown up in the hospital again, which you were both glad for and disappointed at, and since you had been taking on extra shifts for a sick co-worker, you had spent almost all your time at the hospital or passed out in your bed.

“You haven’t gone out with us in weeks!” Sylvie was currently trying to convince you to come to Mollys. You had gotten to know her through Stella and the two of you had gotten along well, her sweet and kind nature something that made you feel comfortable around her instantly.

Although you had quickly learned not to underestimate the girl. She was working with a bunch of guys after all and had learned to stand her ground with them.

Sylvie could be very persistent, you realized again when she had called you to invite you to a girl’s night out. “Stella won’t be working today, so it’s our chance to spend the night as just us girls.”

You gnawed your lip, thinking. You were tired, craving your couch and tv more than going out again, but Sylvie wasn’t wrong, you had been mostly on your own the past days. Being a little social and getting out of your own apartment would probably be good.

“Urgh, fine”, you groaned. “But you’re paying my first drink.” You knew Sylvie was smiling triumphantly on the other end of the line. “Deal.” “Now get your ass over here!” It was Stella’s voice in the background and you chuckled. “You are the worst!”

“And you love us anyway”, she chirped and you hung up, shaking your head with a smile on your face.

You hadn’t thought about impressing anyone when getting ready, but you were more than glad you had put a little effort into your outfit and make-up when you stepped into Molly’s that night, your getup like a wall build around you.

“You came!” Stella crossed the room, her voice loud enough for a couple of heads to turn towards you. You could kill her for drawing attention to you, but you forced a smile onto your lips instead, trying not to look at anyone except her.

“Hey”, you muttered, shrugging out of your coat and hugging her. “Wow, girl you look stunning!” Stella’s eyes flashed up and down your body as she let go, a smirk on her face.

“A little quieter, please?”, you almost whispered, aware that you still had the attention of the people around you. Stella seemed either completely oblivious to it all or unbothered, because she grinned at you. “Looking like that you will draw attention to you whether you like it or not!”

You felt your cheeks heat up a little, glad when you spied Sylvie making her way over. “I told her not to make a scene, but she wouldn’t listen. You know how she is!”

You hugged her too, smiling as Stella let out a breath. “I did not make a scene. And I’m standing right here, you know?”

Laughing, the three of you made your way to the back, where you slipped into a booth, your drink already waiting for you. “You know me so well”, you told Stella as you took your first sip, relaxing a little now that the attention had mostly vanished.

“I got you, girl!” Stella winked at you, before launching into a story about their newest rescue. Soon you were enveloped in laughter and smiles, the stress of the last days forgotten for the night.

Only when Stella declared it was time for another round of drinks you felt the exhaustion return to your body. “I think I’m going to head home”, you told them, stretching a little in your seat. “Early shift tomorrow?”, Sylvie asked and you nodded.

“You’re way too selfless, taking on all these extra shifts”, Stella pointed out, but you waved her off. “I’m the new one, so it’s fine. Helps me get to know everyone and everything better and it’s not like I have much to do in this city yet. I only got my gym membership, but I didn’t really have time to look for anything else.”

“See? That’s exactly why you need time off! You should be out exploring the city!” You smiled at Stella’s enthusiasm. “It’s not like it won’t be here tomorrow. I’m planning on staying here, so there’s plenty of time to get to know it all.”

Sylvie offered you a smile. “I’m glad you do. I know it can be quite an adjustment to move to a big city like Chicago, but it will feel like your home in no time.”

You felt your heart squeeze painfully in your chest as you thought back to the past months, which had been filled with nothing but heartbreak, loss and a turmoil of emotions. Even as you had decided to start a new life in Chicago, you had been filled with fear and uncertainty, scared to make the wrong call yet again.

Never could you have imagined to find a job, that was so challenging, but gave you a sense of purpose and a group of friends, that felt like you had met them long ago.

“It already kind of does”, you admitted, your eyes fixed on the empty glass in front of you before you looked up at them again. They both looked at you with big smiles on their faces and you almost felt tears fill your eyes. It had been a long day.

“We should do this more often”, you told them as you got up and grabbed your coat. “That’s what I said!” Stella nodded.

“And I still need to show you that spinning class. You would love it!” Sylvie sounded so excited that you couldn’t help but chuckle. “I am sure. Just text me and we’ll find something.”

“And you’re sure you can’t stay longer?”

Your eyes drifted to the counter as you considered staying for another drink, but your body felt heavy and almost sore from the day’s work. “Next time. But you two have fun and don’t drink too much”, you winked at them.

As you excited the bar you waved towards a few familiar faces before pulling your coat closer around your body to prepare yourself for Chicago’s cold.

Still you shivered as you stepped outside, pulling out your phone to order an Uber. Something you had only done once before, on your way here, but was an easy and quick way of getting around the city.

It would take a few minutes for your driver to arrive and you realized it would have been a lot smarter to wait inside, but you hadn’t thought of it then and you felt too proud to step inside again.

Pressing your hands together you rubbed them against each other a few times to create heat, before slinging your arms around your torso. Chicago’s harsh winters wasn’t something you hadn’t gotten used to yet, but the promise of snow lingering in the air made it almost worth it.

You heard the faint sound of the door opening and closing behind you so you took a step to the side of the building, not wanting to stand in the way of whoever had just left the bar.

To your surprise the person came to stand beside you, his presence alarming you until you glanced up to find none other than Jay Halstead standing next to you.

Immediately your body relaxed again, as if it knew by instinct his presence meant safety. “That was quite an entrance”, he greeted you, referring to the moment you had stepped into Molly’s.

You felt your cheeks flush at the memory, hoping he couldn’t see it in the dim light of the streetlamp. “I didn’t know you were here.” You kept your eyes trained at the empty street in front of you, willing and dreading the moment your driver came to pick you up.

“I was with the unit”, he said and you turned your head towards him. “Are you here often?” He shrugged, his eyes darting to the building. “I guess so, yeah. It’s the place where everyone comes.”

You nodded silently, contemplating his words. “But if I want to be alone, I go to the bar at the corner North Milwaukee Avenue.” You met his eyes curiously. Was he making recommendations, because you were new in the city or did he have another intention?

“So bars and hospitals. Everywhere else I can expect to run into Jay Halstead?” You didn’t know why you asked, but a part of you wanted to know. Wanted to know more about him, what his life was like, what made him who he was.

Jay grinned faintly. “You make it sound like I’ve got issues.” “Do you? Have issues?” You were teasing and he smirked. “Doesn’t everyone?”

“I don’t think I have.” Even as you said it you knew your words couldn’t be farer from the truth. Hadn’t your issues been what had led you here?

Jay watched you for a moment, seemingly picking up on your change of mood, but sensing you weren’t ready to talk about it. You appreciated it, welcoming the silence to sort your thoughts again.

“So what led you here to Chicago?” His question was innocent and something you had been asked countless of times since your move here, but for some reason you felt the urge to be open with him. No lies or excuses.

And even if Jay barely knew you, you thought he would be able to pick up on it. He must be an excellent detective.

“There were some…things I needed to leave behind.” It was vague, but more than you had told most who had asked. Only the girls knew about your breakup, but even with them you hadn’t shared many details.

Jay didn’t ask further, his grave expression suggesting he understood you better than you might have thought. “Why Chicago?” You glanced away from him, taking in the empty road, the skyline with its lights in the background. “I needed a fresh start, somewhere where no one knew who I am. And I got family here, so it made sense.”

You could feel his eyes on you and you swallowed before facing him again. For a moment your eyes locked, none of you saying anything as you started at each other. Jay was the first one to break the heavy atmosphere, a smile dancing at his lips.

“But you’re not a criminal on the run, are you? Because I would have to arrest you, if you were.” The tension that had risen in your body at the mention of your past vanished and you grinned, relieved about his ability to lighten the atmosphere. “What gave it away?”

Jay leaned a little closer, his eyes glistening. “Maybe the way you always look over your shoulder-” You inhaled. Was that really something you did? “-or that you’re nervous around me, a cop.”

The air you had held escaped you in a surprised sound and you hugged your torso a little tighter. “I’m not nervous around you”, you huffed, shaking your head. Jay grinned.

“How is your arm by the way?” You weren’t interested in talking about yourself any longer, shifting the topic onto him. Your gazes travelled down his arm where his jacket was covering the wound you had inspected. It seemed like forever ago and like yesterday at once.

“It’s good. Voight’s keeping me at a leash, make sure I’m 100% before I get into the field again.” He said it like it wasn’t a big deal, but you could hear the strain in his voice. He missed it, being out there on the streets.

“Sounds reasonable to me.” “Yeah.” Jay nodded, a faraway look in his eyes. It seemed like you weren’t the only one with secrets.

You looked up at the sound of a car nearing, a black car approaching the two of you. Checking your phone you held it up. “That’s my ride.”

But you only managed one step towards it before Jay pulled you back, his hand wrapped around your lower arm. You gazed at it, confused and startled by his reaction and he loosened his grip, his hand falling to his side after a moment.

“You know the guy?”, he asked, pointing to the man that was sitting behind the wheel, an impatient expression on his face.

Slowly you shook your head, your eyes flickering between the car and Jay. “But he’s my ride. See-” you held up your phone to him, but Jay paid it little attention.

“Yeah, no, you’re not climbing into that car”, he stated, his voice firm but not unfriendly. “Wait, what?”

Surprised you watched Jay walk towards the car, waiting for the driver to pull down the window before leaning in. You couldn’t hear what was said, only watched the two speak for a minute.

Their conversation ended with Jay handing the man money, before walking back towards you as the car sped away in the darkness.

“What the hell was that?”, you asked as Jay came to stand beside you again, his body just as relaxed as before. “You’re new in Chicago, right?” You didn’t say anything, knowing it was a question he didn’t expect an answer to.

“You should not be climbing into a car with a stranger. And not in the dark.”

Your head spun as you tried to process what he was implying. “It was just an uber! Everyone does that around here.”

You sounded clueless and defensive, shocked about the sudden change of events. Jay eyed you. “Well, then take it from me to never do that again. At least not alone. Chicago’s not a good place, especially for women, trust me on that one.”

You didn’t know what to say, blinking at him as the impact of it sank in. What if Jay hadn’t stepped outside? You doubted anything would have happened, but what if he was right and you had been reckless? Naive?

“So how am I supposed to get around the city then? Because driving in this traffic is madness.”

For the first time since your interruption Jay smiled again. “You can just ask me. I am much cheaper anyway. And on top you will get to see my face.”

You rolled your eyes over his confidence. “Now that’s a deal I can’t decline”, you muttered, fighting the grin that threatened to spread over your face and failing. Damn it.

“But for real, what am I supposed to do? I can’t just call you all the time I want to go somewhere.”

“It wouldn’t be a problem if we went together.”

Your eyes widened as you almost choked on the air. “You mean a date?”

Jay shrugged, his eyes not meeting yours for only a second. “You can pay me back for saving your ass twice.”

“Twice?”

“Getting into that car for one and saving you from freezing here on the street by driving you home.”

Smooth. You couldn’t help the laugh that escaped you. “Does that work with every woman you’re trying to impress?”

Jay shrugged, fiddling for something in his pocket before pulling out his car keys. You watched a car light up at the other side of the street, following Jay towards it.

“I wouldn’t know. And who says I’m trying to impress you?”

“Maybe because of this whole I’m-a-cop-and-I’m-so-tough-thing.”

Now it was Jay’s turn to chuckle. “That’s not just a thing. So, what are you saying?”

Oh. You bit your lip, considering the thought of going on a date with Jay. Hadn’t you just recently decided not to date and focus on yourself for a while?

But you couldn’t deny you wanted to say yes. To spend more time around him and enjoy the feeling of ease he gave you.

“Maybe.”

You said it with a teasing smile, scared Jay might take your answer in a bad way, but he sent you a confident grin. “I can work with that.”

Tags:

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[quaranmine]

pick a book for me to take on work travel

Ends of the World by Peter Brannen - nonfiction geology book about earth's previous mass extinction events. The author is also the writer of one of my favorite climate history Atlantic articles I read for a college assignments.

Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer - nonfiction true story of Chris Mccandless, who decided to leave society to live in the Alaskan wilderness and was later found dead. I want to read Into Thin Air too but I don't have a copy (my mom probably does but that won't help me for this trip)

Dune by Frank Herbert - do i have to describe what Dune is about at this point? I've never read it and I also refused to see the movies 'caues I wanted to read the book before doing so

A Song for the River by Philip Connors - nonfiction/memoir by the same author who wrote my beloved fire lookout book Fire Season. This book also has to do that, as well as a massive fire he witnessed in his national forest, but I think it's a lot more about grief and death.

What the Eyes Don't See by Mona Hanna-Attisha - nonfiction/memoir by one of the doctors who discovered the Flint water crisis. I'm actually already 90 pages into it but got distracted and haven't picked it up for like a year. It's very good and highly relevant to my work (though I don't do lead in tap water but you know it's great information to have)

[bullet-clubs-bitch]

can you please write something with Drilla Moloney and Fem Reader,

They are both dating but long distance due to Dan's Schedules in Japan and when Drilla came back home from an NJPW Show she's surprised him at his place in Japan and they share an loving shower together with some intimacy (can be light smut) and than curled up together in bed and cuddle a lot and he admits that he's thankful that she is always on his side no matter how far they are away from each other🖤

Zen

Drilla Moloney x Fem reader Main Masterlist

Warnings: Mentions of depression, alcohol, drugs, Oral (M&F receiving), face sitting, hand jobs, vunrable Dan, Mommy kink, cockwarming

Summary: A very vunrable Drilla Moloney is missing his girlfriend and is feeling quite down on himself. It gets to the point where his negative feelings scare his girlfriend so much that she flys all the way to Japan to check on him. What happens when she relises what he needs is for her to be in control and help him be zen.

An: Happy Bullet Club day to all who celebrate! This is my firs Drilla fic! Also I know the request said light smut but I got a bit carried away with myself, whoops. I've never wrote anything like this so I hope you enjoy it!

"I'm really struggling baby. I miss you so much, I wish you were here right now to hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay" It pained me to hear Dan like this. He always acted to tough, he was so strong, I knew he must be truly hurting for him to be admiting this to me. "I miss you too Danny. I know it's hard but this is your dream, as much as this pains me to say this, you have to stop worring about me all the time. I promise you it will all be worth it in the end" I tried my best to comfort him but there is only so much you can do on the phone. "I need you here with me" I didn't even recognize his voice on the other line. "I promise you will see me soon. I love you Dan, so much. I'm always going to be one call away. You can call me whenever you need to, even in the middle of the night"

To be completely honest that phone call with Dan scared the shit out of me. This was completely unlike him. For the first time, I was scared for his safety. I texted his best friend and tag team partner Clark Connors and asked him to keep an eye on him for me. I booked the first flight I could get to Japan and was going to surprise Dan. A last-minute flight across the world was expensive but he needed me and I needed him. The flight was long and hard but it would be worth it. When I arrived in Tokyo it was already late, I knew Dan had a show so he wouldn't get home for a few hours. In the meantime, I decided to make a nice dinner for when he got back. When I entered the apartment I was shocked at how messy it was. Piles of clothes on the floor, garbage everywhere. This wasn't like him. When I entered the bedroom I noticed a familiar scent but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. I looked around the room and noticed a bottle of perfume. It wasn't just any perfume but my perfume, I wore this perfume daily. The side of the bed where I would normally sleep was drenched in it. I didn't realise how bad it was.

Before I did anything else I knew I had to clean the appartment. It looked like a tornado went through the place. The first step to a calm mind is a clean space. I felt like I was suffocating and I had only been in the place for 30 minutes. Who knows how long Dan had been living like this? I coudn't tell which clothes were clean or dirty, everything was just thrown in piles across the room. I decided to throw everything in the wash along with the bed sheets, who doesn't like to come home to clean sheets after a hard day? Once I tackled that mess I moved to the kitchen. I don't know why I was expecting there to be food in the fridge. All I found was beer and a half empty box of pizza. I ended up ordering some food instaid, I didn't want to go grocery shopping and possibly miss him coming home.

Just as I was finishing putting on the clean sheets Dan was home. I didn't even have to say anything he just knew I was there. "Y/n?" I heard him call from the kitchen. "Surprise!" I yelled before jumping in his arms, gretting him with a kiss.

...........

I felt pathetic. I felt empty. I felt ashamed of myself for sounding so vunrable. I knew I scared Y/n when I called her on the phone, I knew I shoudn't have said anything but I just needed her to know. Long distance relationships of any kind are hard but they are even harder when you are on the other side of the world. I always missed Y/n but this time I felt like would die without her. Yes I know it's pathetic but she was my other half, she was my home, she was my everything. We normally didn't spend more than a month apart but this time it was three and I was starting to question if it was worth it. Looking around my appartment I saw how much of a dump it had become. Clothing everywhere, beer cans and pizza boxes scattered around the place. Y/n would be ashamed of me. This isn't like me, I'm actually a very organized person but for some reason I coudn't find it in me to clean up. I store up at the ceiling unable to sleep, god I missed her. I turned to find the bottle of perfume I bought. It was the same one Y/n wore. I know it sounds pathetic but when I coudn't sleep I would spray the pillows with her perfume so it was like she was there next to me. It wasn't the same but it worked. Nights like that I slept like a baby, clutching that pillow like my life depended on it.

....

As I was returning to my appartment from another gruling NJPW show I just felt it in my gut Y/n would be waiting for me. As I turned my key in the door I could feel her energy in the room. "Y/n?" I called out, wondering if my mind was playing a cruel joke on me. "Supprise!" she yelled, jumping in my arms to welcome me with a kiss. "What are you doing here?!" I asked in disbelief. "I told you that whenever you need me I will be right there by your side. I know your hurting Danny, let me help you" she told me softly as she wiped away the tears that fell from my face. I didn't even know I was crying. I held her close to me, scared I was halucinating but Y/n really was there.

"You have no idea how much it means to me that you are here right now. I'm loosing my mind without you" "It's okay, I'm here now. Let me take care of you. How about a nice hot shower? You smell like beer and weed" I gently placed y/n down and let her lead me to the shower. As I made my way into the bedroom I noticed she had cleaned the whole apartment. "You did all this?" I asked her in disbelief "What did I do to deserve you" she smiled at my words. Y/n turned on the shower and I let her strip me of my clothing. She knew how vunrable I was so she took her time, being careful with me.

I then watched her strip infront of me painfully slow. She knew what she was doing. "Danny, can you help me with these?" Y/n asked with big doe eyes. I felt mesmerized by her. I coudn't help but blush, I felt nervous. With shaky hands I removed her bra and took off her panties. I was now on my knees infront of her, I looked up at her like a lost puppy. She knew what I needed, I needed her to be in control this time. I could feel myself growing harder by the moment, the anticipation was killing me. "I know you want to" Y/n said admring me kneeling before her. "I need you" I wispered out "Tell me what you want baby, use your words" "I need to taste you" I didn't even recognize my own voice with how pathetic I sounded. "I need you to cum on my face mommy" I saw the expression on Y/n's face turn from one of lust to one of horror. "What did you just call me?" She asked shocked. I didn't mean to call her mommy, it just fell out. I didn't know what to say. Y/n bent down to meet my gaze. She gently grabbed my face between her hands. "I asked you a question. What did you just call me?" I really did call her mommy by mistake but I couldn't deny that I was getting more turned on my the second. "Mommy, I called you mommy" I told her pathticly. "You want mommy to cum on your face? You want to taste me?" "Yes please" "Very well"

I stil coudn't believe this was happening. 48 hrs ago I was deep in thought about how much I missed Y/n and here I am eating her out on the bathroom floor. I missed the way she tasted, I missed the sweet sounds she would make when I made her cum. I was rough, I was sloopy with her. I was always a rough pussy eater, she just tasted so good I needed to feel her harder. I was drunk on her sweetness. I could feel she was close by the way she pulsated around my tongue and how her thighs began to tremble. It took everything not to cum myself. I held her thighs close as she started to grind on my face. She played with her breast, rolling her sensitive nipples through her fingers as she came. I welcomed the familuar wave of pressure and sweet taste and made sure to lap up every drop of her sweetness.

I was in pure bliss. I was pussy drunk. Y/n helped me off the floor and into the shower. By this point I was rock hard, precm spilling from my dick. I was on the brink of cumming. My mind was scrambled but I could see the devious look on Y/n's face. She washed my body with soap and massaged my sore mucsles. She made her way from the top of my body to the bottom. This time she knelt below me. "Look at this pore thing. Does it hurt?" she asked, refering to my erection. "Do you want me to take care of it baby?" All I could do was nood in agreement, something she did not like. She squeezed my dick rather hard. "Words, I need words baby. Tell me does it hurt? Do you need mommy to help you with this? Do you need me to massage your poor angry cock? Kiss it better?" Her words were killing me, this new mommy thing was driving me insane. "Please mommy, I beg you" I heald myself up against the wall, trying not to colapse as she began to leave a trail of kisses and kitten licks along my shaft. She teased my tip, licking the precum. Then she took me whole in her mouth. I coudn't help the moans spill from my mouth as she bobbed her head around my cock. I was close, so close and she knew it. I cried out in agony as she pulled out right as I was about to cum. "I want you to cum on my tits" she said seductivly. She then used two hands to jerk me off, squeezing my dick hard and rough as I came. I watched in awe as rope after rope of my thick seed panted her breasts. It took everything in me to keep me standing.

The two of us then shared a comfortable scilence as we washed the other off in she shower lovingly. I turned off the shower and wrapped Y/n in a fluffy towel, holding her close to me. Once we dried off and got dressed the two of us ate takeout food in bed. "You have no idea how much I needed this" I confessed "I'm glad you're feeling better. I missed you so much Dan" "I missed you too love. I can't believe you're actually here!" "I promise you that I am always going to be here for you no matter what. Even if we are across the world I will always be one text, one phone call, one plane ride away. Whenever you need me I will be there" What did I do to deserve this woman. I was head over heels in love with her. When I was with y/n all my problems disappeared, all my insicurities faded. She was my home, she was my light source, she was my everything. I felt safe whenever we were together, I felt even safer when I was inside her.

The way we fit together was truly magic. We were one person, we were made for each other. I don't know what I did to deserve such a perfect partner. That night I had the best sleep of my life, I felt complete. I looked at Y/n wish such love as she slept on my chest, my cock buried inside her. I wished everynight could be like and was sad when I remembered it coudn't. But this is now and I need to enjoy this week I have with her. We are finally together once again and I promised myself I would do anything to keep it that way.

"I love you so much Y/n. I can't wait to marry you. Sweet dreams my angel"

[freddie-77-ao3]

Connor Stoll (aka my son)

AWW YEA CONNOR STOLL MY BABY

Off to a great start here.

So, Connor Stoll, cabin 11 (claimed), sole counselor as of TOA.

Now, to start us off, identity headcanons:

Connor's non-binary (they/them), AFAB.

so when Connor was four, they got to camp (unrelated but Travis was 6), and although they had. no clue about their identity-- still was cis girl presenting, their hair was short because it's travis and connor. they're always doing some crazy shit. so, just as they got to camp, someone misheard connor or something, and just assumed their name was connor. No, their deadname isn't anything close to connor.

but as travis was about to correct them, connor was like, no, no, trav, i like this. i'm a boy?

and neither of them know what transgenderism is at this point but they just go, okay guess connor's a boy, whatever

anyway, they sorta start questioning that just battle of the labyrinth

and then after the battle they came out to everyone

also, connor is asexual. very sex-repulsed when they were younger, is now willing to make a dirty joke or two when it suits them. romantic orientation wise? doesn't know, doesn't care. if you ask them, they'll start thinking, and then get distracted by something completely different.

Random facts:

Connor isn't dyslexic. They joke it's because Travis got double the dyslexia. In actuality, Hermes kids are the least likely to be dyslexic because Hermes being a travel god means that his kids tend to be pretty good at picking up languages, including written english.

In the same vein, Connor knows A LOT of languages. Obviously english and ancient greek, Connor also learnt Latin (before HoO), French, Spanish, Mandarin, Japanese, Swahili, and was brought up knowing basic gaelic terms.

Because yeah, Connor's scottish. more getting into their pre-camp story in a sec.

Connor's main friend group is Drew Tanaka and Malcolm Pace, because they're all around the same age. Connor and Drew knew each other for years before Malcolm, getting to know each other at four/five from camp, and Malcolm came when they were ten.

(Connor also has feelings for Malcolm)

Connor's also pretty close with Will, Cecil, and Lou Ellen because again, they're all year-rounders, and came to camp pre-Luke's betrayal.

Connor's birthday is April fool's day.

Connor has one of the only complete records of the titan war. they wrote it all down while it was happening-- complete notes of counselor's meetings, missions, attack plans-- lists of traitors and known allies, and, of course, lists of the dead.

Connor loves to read-- fantasy, specifically, and adventure.

They're always cold. It's not medical or anything, they're just. always cold.

Also, even though pretty much everything in Hermes cabin is communal, connor somehow manages to own even less than everyone else? they love stealing clothes from family and friends (yeah,,, clarisse isn't as fond of that one)

Connor (and Malcolm) have found complete tunnel systems and rooms around camp halfblood. Closer to the surface than the labyrinth, you can frequently find Connor there.

Pre-Camp

okay, so as i've mentioned before, Connor's scottish.

well, they lived in scotland from birth to age four (at which a point they moved to camp). I think they lived around Edinburgh, because mama stoll enjoys robbing the posh idiots in her free time, but originally the family is from the highlands.

so, the Stoll mother,,, Robin Stoll. (Robbing, because,,, yeah) I just think they're a punny family. It isn't intentional, it just is. (yeah i know i'm not as funny as I think i am).

Anyway, Robin, contrary to what you might think, had never stolen anything when she first attracted hermes. she was just a killer postwoman. she was kind to the kids on her route, who all loved her, and always had smiles and treats for the dogs, etc. Hermes was porch pirating something when they first met, and she chased him off.

of course, after attracting hermes the first time she started porch pirating, and leaving travis at home with her mother in the hopes of another glimpse of him. this eventually attracted hermes again, resulting in connor.

following that, porch pirating wasn't working to attract hermes anymore so she decided to leave the kids at home, and start robbing banks. this never did attract hermes, but the two children at home did-- travis and connor started playing with a computer one day, attracting monsters to their doorstep. although both lived, robin's mother died in the attack, and robin, forced to return home, resented the kids for her mother's death.

for a final heist, she planned to steal the queen of england's crown jewel. hermes appeared beforehand, begging her to stop--

she asked if he'd stay if she didn't.

he said no.

she never asked if he'd stay if she did.

that answer would have been no too.

so robin went off, and hermes took the kids to camp.

robin wouldn't be seen again, by hermes or her children.

[plisuu]

Fanfic Writer Questions

Thanks for the tag @the-rebel-archivist! I think I might have been tagged by someone else a while ago but??? sorry ahahha

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

12! But two of those are art and one of them is the abandoned version of my long fic. I... don't post much ahahaha

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

71k

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Just Dragon Age :)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

In Flame Forged Anew - my long fic! DA: I, Cullen/m!Trev except not really because it's insanely slow burn. Deals with a lot of guilt and also tranquility. ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤ What You Want - My oldest work (barring my abandoned long-fic). Pavelyan, from when Connor used to be a Dorianmance. A lil confession one-shot. ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤ Battle of Attrition - Dead-dove whump for whumptober. Red Templars and torture ahoy! ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤ The Healer's Hands - Solas/Blackwall gay awakening and pining, ft. a little bit of hurt/comfort ㅤㅤ ㅤ ㅤ On Broken Wings We Fly - A lil friendship fic I wrote for @rosella-writes of their Lavellan's interactions with my Inquisitor and the start of their strange friendship.

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try! I also forget and get so caught up trying to write "meaningful replies" that I tend to fall behind on them ahaha

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hhhh well it hasn't ended, but probably Battle of Attrition (since it's all just whump) or Never Say Die, a tiny thing about some of the OCxOC lead-up to the Conclave.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Most of my writing is pretty bittersweet at best, but probably Shrike, a lil Cullen PoV fic about his and Connor's relationship.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I have in the past.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Only privately, and of the heavily character focused kink variety. Trust and emotional vulnerability through physical intimacy my beloved.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Not off the top of my head, no.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware, but I mostly write OCs so probably not lol

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nopeee

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, it seems difficult?

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

... All time? Axel x Saix, probably ahahaha for Dragon Age though I'd say my favorite romance is Iron Bull's.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have yet to finish anything ever soooo

16. What are your writing strengths?

Banter and character voice! The transcript project mostly means I've heard and read so much character dialogue that their voices are ingrained in my skull. I'm also told that I'm pretty good at grounding things in physical sensation.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I've always really struggled with head-hopping and under-explaining, I think.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I've never needed to, but it depends on the fic/language. If it's something the reader would already be familiar with like or a word or phrase, I'd write it in the language, but for longer lines or a full conversation, I would either summarize for the reader or write the conversation in italicized English.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Naruto!

20. Favorite fic you've written?

Definitely my long fic, I'm very proud of it, but I love all my writing! I write very specifically to my own tastes ahahah Though my whump fic has been so indulgent it's definitely near the top.

tagging: @rosella-writes, @inquisimer, @dreadfutures, @broodsys, @blarrghe, and anyone else who wants to join! Question template under the cut :)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

3. What fandoms do you write for?

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

5. Do you respond to comments?

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

8. Do you get hate on fics?

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

14. What's your all time favorite ship?

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

16. What are your writing strengths?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

20. Favorite fic you've written?

[masterwords]

Okay but one of the team accidentally walking into the room while Derek is feeding Hotch ice chips while he's in hospital.

And they're cute

💕💕💕

I've been sitting on this one for a while and wrote up a few different ideas for how this adorable shit happens, but finally the other day it came to me. And now we have this...it's a hot mess, a chaotic image and the writing quality isn't nearly as good as the picture it paints. Apologies for that. (2.7k words / warnings: gunshot wounds, dog bites, hospitals, canon typical unsub stuff, some sex talk)

Starts out intense, ends soft and squishy. Thank you for sending this in and I'm sorry it takes me for-fucking-EVER to write anything these days. I'd say it's going to get better, be optimistic about all the time I might have someday soon but...I think this is just my new speed. <3

He told Hotch to stop, to stay behind and wait for back-up and the medics. They couldn’t be that far out by now. He told him that he and Reid could do this part on their own. That it didn’t take three Agents to run down a pudgy middle aged man in the woods.

But Hotch was coursing with adrenaline and pain, running on the fumes of anger at being shot, and telling him to stay behind was like talking to a brick wall. A brick wall with anger management problems and he wasn’t about to argue too hard – he was bleeding too. He didn’t exactly have the logical high ground.

He keeps Hotch in his sights the best he can. They’re running like a pack of wolves, Hotch dead center, Reid flanking to the right and Derek to the left. The terrain is rough but not too dangerous except where they have to cross a ravine with a rocky bed. That’s where Reid and Morgan gain the advantage, they cross at narrow shallow places while Hotch and the unsub plod through knee deep ice water. On the periphery Derek watches Hotch slip on some rocks halfway through and the look of pain that flashes over his features says he probably wrenched his ankle on a rock but he keeps going, doesn’t skip a beat. If he can run with a bullet hole in his side, a twisted ankle isn’t about to stop him. Derek slows a little to let the unsub choose his path when he reaches the shore and he watches Hotch close on his heels. He's still a little dangerous, he's got a loaded weapon and he's got a girl they need to find. They could just shoot him but they might never find the victim that way. Hotch is calling the shots and he wants a clean take down, no weapons unless necessary. Even though he's already taken a hit, he still says clean. By the book. They're not taking any chances.

A warmth spreads in his groin, poorly timed reaction to his boyfriend being made of steel. Being so fucking intense that it's hard in the field not to find himself turned on by Hotch’s resolve and his refusal to give up. His eyes flick back to the unsub, Tim Connor, and though the throbbing in his injured leg is gaining in strength the further he goes, he speeds up his pursuit.

It’s not that he thinks Hotch is hot because he’s bleeding out or anything, and god if he had to explain this to his therapist she might really have some words for him about what this job has done to him...but something about the way Hotch is running full speed through the damn woods with a bullet in his side is a distraction that Derek can’t afford to indulge. It’s just that...Hotch is hurt and he can't seem to think about anything else with any clarity. For all intents and purposes he is running and dying at the same time, and the latter will catch up to him eventually if they don’t get him help, but right now he is running and showing no signs of stopping. He’s so damn strong, his features set grim and serious. Derek knows it must hurt, he’s been shot before. But Hotch won’t stop until they get their guy or he dies trying and there is something very sexy about that. Something in the way he refuses to give up, to lay down, to even mention that he needs a break. His strength is a beacon and Derek runs toward it. And being turned on by it is a hell of a lot less distracting than being worried about it, which is the only other place to take this mess of feelings.

They've had this talk before. Hotch isn't immune to it, either. Watching Derek kick in a door or run down an unsub has an effect on him...he's only human. Hazard of the job maybe. If he wasn't in incredible pain, he'd probably be thinking the same thing right now watching Derek run down Connor like a lion.

But the wound in Hotch’s side burns, the pain is unrelenting as he runs through the thick underbrush. He’s running and gritting his teeth against the constant barrage of pain. His feet are wet, pants soaked up to the knees with freezing water, but the blood that sticks his shirt to his side is warm.

They’re all gaining on Connor as the man loses steam. He’s not built for this kind of running and his only hope is that the knows these woods better than the three of them and he reaches whatever he’s running for before they reach him. If he manages that, they’re screwed. One of them is bound to reach him in time, before he gets there, before Hotch collapses from blood loss. He’s sure of it.

Derek watches the way Hotch runs, his long strides not deterred in the least by the deep red that blossoms and spreads over the expanse of his suit. He’s going to bitch about that later, this is his favorite suit. Now it’s got holes ripped through it and that stain isn’t ever coming out.

They hadn’t been wearing their vests – this guy was a witness, that’s what they thought. What they were told. Just going to talk to a witness, but then that witness had a dog that ripped into Derek’s shin while its owner tore a hole through Hotch’s abdomen right beneath his ribs with a .38 special. He was a bad shot and Hotch was quick, it didn’t seem like he hit anything major it just hurt like a bitch and bled twice as bad. In and out, Derek watched the bullet smash into a tree not far behind Hotch. At least there was that, he wasn’t running around with molten metal inside of him. Still, it burned. That was the worst part, the hot metal searing through the flesh and the flames that erupted in all of the nearby nerve endings. It was embers embedded in his flesh, smoldering just below his ribs.

It was Reid got there first. He was faster, operating with no injuries will do that for a body. His stride was as long as Hotch’s at least but Hotch had already started to slow some though he didn’t look like he’d realized it yet. Reid saw that he was close enough to take a chance and he slammed into the guy head down shoulder first like a football player, knocking the earth right from beneath his feet. Connor went flying and the force of the impact smashed both he and Reid into the ground. The scuffle that ensued was the part Reid had been concerned about – he wasn’t strong enough to overpower the other man, he just had the element of surprise on his side when he took him down.

“Nice tackle, kid!” Derek shouts, turning on the last reserves of his speed to sprint and help Reid get the guy in cuffs. Connor was realizing quickly that he could overpower Reid easily and was halfway to doing it when Derek finally got there.

Connor was about to understand that while Reid may have lacked some in strength, Derek did not. And when he drops his knee into the small of Connor’s back and wrenches his arms behind him, the guy gives up the fight. Which is smart, because Derek is pissed. His leg aches where the dog had made a chew toy out of him. It made him angry more than it hurt, though, and the way he ground his knee into Connor’s spine made that loud and clear. He’s mad about the dog, and he’s mad about the hole this guy put in his boyfriend. “You really put that shoulder to him. Wish you’d hit him a little harder though, asshole’s still breathin’.”

“Thanks,” Reid gasps with a smile, disarming the unsub while Derek tightens the cuffs. He tosses the gun and knife to the side and watches as Hotch collects them, one hand to grab both of them while the other grips the gaping hole in his chest. Blood pools between his fingers and he barely seems to notice. “You okay Hotch?”

“I’ve been better,” he replies with a heavy sigh. Breathing is taking a little more effort than it should after a run like that. “I’ll make it.” His hands are shaking uncontrollably and his knees are jelly but he plays it off well, stalking toward Derek to take a peek at his leg. “We’ve got to get you to the hospital. That’s an infection waiting to happen.”

“Hope that leg falls off!” Connor spits and Hotch looks away while Derek gives him a heavy kick to the ribs.

“Seems fine to me,” he mumbles and laughs, but it sounds weak to Hotch’s ears. Far away.

“You should sit down,” Hotch says as his vision narrows to a pinprick and he squints as if that’ll help him hear better what Derek says next.

“Yeah. Right. Says the guy with a hole in his damn side.”

Hotch wakes up in a hospital bed in a shared room with an old man who groans and complains of stomach pain attended to by a woman with deep wrinkles and a stern frown. She pulls the privacy curtain around them when she sees Hotch wake, like he’s going to be entertained somehow by their misery. He isn’t interested in the least. He’s a lot more concerned that he doesn’t remember getting to the hospital, and he’s alone. That part is actually okay once the shock of it wears off. He prefers it that way, the team just usually doesn’t. He’s shirtless, his torso exposed though there isn’t much skin that isn’t covered in bandages. His skin feels hot and tight around the wound and a small speck of red sits atop the fresh white gauze. Blood on snow, he thinks. It reminds him of winters in the forest hunting rabbits with his grandfather.

He hears the click of crutches coming closer before he sees Derek enter, his leg bandaged from the knee down. He’d been on the phone with Jessica, letting her know they’d be home late and giving her the low down. It was Jess that insisted he take the ice that’s rattling and clicking in the cup he grips with his teeth so he can operate the damn crutches. As soon as Derek told her what happened she jumped down the WebMD rabbit hole, a part of her personality that grated on Derek’s last nerve. He rarely said anything, it was how she stayed connected while they were out here risking their lives. She couldn’t stop that but she could help put them back together. So while they stitched up the last of his dog bite and bandaged his leg, he listened to her rattle off every bullet point WebMD had about blood loss. She said she’d save the statistics about infection and dog bites for when he got home, but he assured her that Reid would take care of it for her on the plane.

“It says he needs to drink extra water,” she said with an air of superiority Derek doesn’t care for. He’s usually able to smile and nod but the truth was, he was exhausted and in pain and concerned about getting Hotch home. In the field it’s easy enough to ignore this type of thing, when the case is on the line, but now that it’s done they’re just left with recovery and that part gets tricky.

“Reid says they’ve got him on an IV drip,” he points out. “I’m sure that’s for hydration.”

“So he can’t drink water too?”

He assured her that it was taken care of, but she wasn’t placated by that. She kept on nagging until he insisted they were done bandaging him up and he was going to go see Hotch. “We’ll be home soon. Don’t wait up, okay? We’re fine.”

“Give him water.”

“Jess,” Derek groaned with a huff. “I’m gonna show you exactly where you can shove that…” but she hung up before he could finish the sentence. It’s still boiling his blood when he enters the room Hotch is holed up in, the privacy curtain pulled around him now too. When Reid was in there, the room was wide open. Things change quickly and he’s thankful for the small bit of privacy that turquoise curtain would give them.

“You’re awake,” he mumbles, the plastic cup in his teeth shaking and rattling the contents while he tries to talk around it. Ice, a whole cup of ice. He knows Hotch well enough to know he’ll prefer that to water anyway, he probably hasn’t eaten much of anything and if that water hits his empty stomach it’ll make him feel sick. Sicker than he probably already does. “Thought you might be thirsty when you finally decided nap time was over.”

“How long was I out?”

“You passed out in the ambulance and then they sedated you so they could do their business. You got a lot of stitches, you definitely win this time.”

“How long?” he asks again, a little irritated. Derek never answers the part of the question he wants the first time. It’s a small thing but right now it’s grating.

“Three hours, give or take. Connor is booked in, he squealed like a pig once he was chained in the interrogation room. Soon as you’re all fixed up we’re blowin’ this popsicle stand.”

He tosses his crutches to the side and limps toward the empty chair beside Hotch’s bed. “Stop looking at me like that. I don’t need those damn things. They told me I shouldn’t put weight on it or I’ll bust some of the stitches but I’m not hobbling around on them. It’s bullshit. You thirsty?”

Hotch nods and tries to shift in the bed but he’s tangled in the IV tubes and sheets so he doesn’t get far. The movement sends a wave of pain crashing through his rib cage and makes him nauseous. He closes his eyes and presses his forehead into his hand, willing it to pass. Derek just sits and watches, he knows better than to make any sudden moves or to try and touch him when he’s like this.

“Ice,” Derek says after a minute, after Hotch’s features soften and his muscles unfurl. Hotch opens his mouth expectantly and smiles at the feel of the ice on his lip, the way it slides over his warm parched tongue. “More?”

Hotch nods and lets Derek feed him more. He’s got a spoon, a little plastic thing dwarfed by his hands, and he uses it to fish little bits of shaved ice out of the cup and set it against Hotch’s lower lip. Between each bite, Derek kisses him, little pecks and he tastes the icy residue happily. He’s thirsty too. In more ways than one. “You’re gorgeous,” he says, giving him more ice. “Hair all messy, smellin’ like sweat and cedar, sleepy eyes…you look just like when we went on vacation.”

“Atlantic City?” Hotch asks, greedily accepting more ice. He’s parched. He thinks he could probably guzzle a gallon of water and still feel thirsty.

“Yeah. Napping in that hotel room overlooking the ocean, waking up in the middle of the afternoon not knowing what day or time it is…”

“We should go back. When I have less holes in me.”

“You got it, baby.” They’re due more than a little time off and he knows it. He’ll make it happen.

“How’s your leg?” Hotch asks around a chunk of ice that crunches between his teeth. Derek shrugs.

“It’s okay. It’s not gonna fall off, I’m sure Connor will be disappointed in that.”

Derek digs around for more ice, lost in the repetition of feeding him and kissing him. It’s as good a way to pass the time as anything.

“Ohhhhhh…” Penelope gushes, startling them both. Derek had forgotten that the team said they were going to meet them there, that they’d head right to the airport once Hotch was discharged. Derek turns around to see all of them crowding doorway, peeking around the edge of the curtain. Penelope, JJ, Spencer, Rossi, Blake...they’re all there and they’re all looking at them like they’re watching adorable cat videos on YouTube, not two grown men full of antibiotics, morphine and stitches. It’s more than a little embarrassing. “You guysssssssssssssssssssss.”

“Woman,” Derek warns but Hotch shakes his head and squeezes Derek’s hand, dragging his attention back to where it belongs. He’s the one that got shot, after all. They can all wait their turn.

“Ice?” he asks pitifully and Derek complies. Hotch doesn’t seem to care that the team are watching him. Getting shot softens his edges a little. Derek pokes around in the cup, digs out a spoonful of ice and sets it on Hotch’s tongue before giving him the obligatory kiss and they do their best to ignore all the “awwwwws” that rise to a symphony in the doorway.

Derek, without turning to look, reaches behind him and pulls the curtain closed the rest of the way to block their view. The rest of the show is private.

[lesbianwyllravengard]

20 questions for fic authors!

I was tagged by the lovely @ugetelynx and @wisecrackingeric-2 <3 so sorry it took me so long to do this hfsgjhdj

1. How many works do you have? - currently posted on ao3 I have 57 works total. However I have almost twice as many wips it's bad

2. Ao3 word count? - 395,068 ..... I've got a wip that's almost over 100k but it's also been there for years so I doubt that'll change anytime soon

3. What fandoms do you write for? - of the fics I have on ao3, I have written for detroit become human, star wars, resident evil, assassin's creed, and the last kingdom. The fandoms I've written for that are not on my ao3 include lotr/the hobbit, bbc sherlock, bbc merlin, marvel, voltron legendary defender, percy jackson universe, and whatever the Carry On by rainbow rowell fandom is called. Most of those I will never ever write for again lmao

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? - In order:

Sapphire Moonlight (Tequila Sunrise) (Serennedy)

We Look So Good (Reed900)

Hold Fast, the Suns Will Rise (Stay) (Dincobb) (also, my first fic ever posted, and still the fic I hold most dearly in my heart to this day)

We Are Home (Hank and Connor family content)

Tomato Soup (Serennedy)

5. Do you respond to comments? - every single one. I'm obsessed with comments. I have them all saved and stored so I can reread them at any time. Thank you everyone who has ever commented I love you

6. What fic did you write the angstiest ending for? - I only write angst with a happy ending. But I did write You Should Have Killed Me for a friend's dbh x hunger games simulator result and it had an angsty ending by result of being a hunger games simulator.

7. What fic did you write the happiest ending for? - I write many fics w happy endings, but I personally think my fic series Din and Grogu | the Clan of Two Trilogy has the happiest ending because it happened against all odds. It's a fic about Din and Grogu's found family (before BoBF and Mando s3 came out, so it's not canon accurate) and it ends meaningfully to me.

8. Do you get hate on fics? - I have before, but it was all bullshit that showed me the person commenting didn't actually read what I wrote but chose to get mad at something that didn't exist. So it was discarded easily. Otherwise, I've had people try to tell me how to write things, but I ignore them all

9. Do you write smut? - yes. badly.

10. Crossovers? - I wrote a dincobb fic that was set in Assassin's Creed: Odyssey, with Din as Kassandra and Cobb as Anais. I also started a serennedy fic set in the detroit: become human universe but never got anywhere close to finishing it.

11. Ever had a fic stolen? - not that I know of lol.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? - I had someone ask to translate one of my fics, and I said yes, but I don't think they've done so yet, which is fine. Other than that, no. But I'd be honoured!

13. Ever co-wrote a fic before? - I started a dincobb fic with a friend years ago but we never got around to finishing it. Someday I still hope to.

14. What's your all time favourite ship? - that's genuinely impossible to pick tbh I've had so many that rewired my brain. top three are probably bagginshield, simarkus, and shadowzel, not in any particular order.

15. What's a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? - ehhhhh probably the klance fic I started when I was like 15. I don't go to voltron anymore and literally couldn't care less about it. In fact I actively hate it.

16. What are your writing strengths? - I've been told that I'm good at characterisation and plot. I think I suck at plot severely. As for characterisation, I study characters really hard and take a long time to write fics so they remain in character so I'm glad people appreciate that. I also prefer writing dialogue to anything else.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? - Writing. haha I mean exposition.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language? I have before, I find it fun but also intimidating.

19. First fandom you wrote for? - The Hobbit :') my first ever fic was a bagginshield fic I started when I was 13. I still mean to finish it someday.

20. Favourite fic you've written? - *sighs* I guess I should say Another Time. It was the most fun to write, and everyone's responses have made all the difficulties of writing it endlessly worth it. It took me months but I'm so happy I finished it, and I'm working on p3 rn I PROMISE. But again the fic I hold most dearly in my heart is still Hold Fast, the Suns Will Rise (Stay)

[thoroughlymodernminutia]

This Christmas

Pairing: Benny "Borracho" Magalon x Reader

Word Count: 4,755

Summary: Benny tries to create a Christmas Eve for you during a hard time in your life.

Warnings: Kind of fluffy, but talk of grief, guilt, parental loss. Some foul language. If I missed anything else let me know and I'll add it in.

A/N: This is the first fic I've finished in over 20+ years so...it's probably mediocre at best. A lot has changed in how fics were written in late 90s and I'm still trying to grasp that. Fair warning: I am not a good writer unless it's an email. Apologies in advance if my inability to understand sentence structure is obvious and if there are any typos.

I love stupid lifetime and hallmark Christmas movies, so there are probably hints of that in this. I chose Benny because he had like 4 lines in Den of Thieves and he seemed easy to work with. The story has some personal meaning to me, so if you hate it just keep it to yourself lol

I also want to give a shout out to @mariamariquinha @the-hinky-panda @cheesybadgers @mysoulisasunflower and @bullet-prooflove for the encouragement and kind words when I posted about my hesitation in sharing this.

----------------------

The guys are sitting in their chairs, staring at Benny like he has three heads. He’d just spent the last 20 minutes explaining why he needs their help in a few days; on Christmas Eve. He wouldn’t be embarrassing himself like some love struck fool if he had any other choice.

“This is sick, Borracho. Really sick.” Zapata shakes his head as he breaks the silence.

“Didn’t realize you were so fucking romantic.” Henderson joins in.

Big Nick slaps his hand on Benny’s back as he passes him to go back to his office, “Count me out, shithead.” 

Benny groans and hangs head. He really should have just figured out a way to do this himself. Now he’ll never hear the end of it from these miserable fucks. And calling him a “romantic;" these idiots wouldn’t know romance if it punched them in their faces. It’s not even like he’s that romantic. They’re acting like it’s a crime to be thoughtful. 

He can’t help it if being a good detective makes him more attentive, more considerate in relationships. He’s always finding himself filing away little things that you mention–or don’t mention. He has a collection of these in his mind, some even from before you started dating. And now he wants to use all these bits and pieces of information to try to create the perfect Christmas Eve for you. Christmas Eve because he knows you love it more than the actual day itself. But the guys' blank stares and biting little remarks are not inspiring confidence. Benny runs his hands over his face and rolls his chair closer to the desk.

“Forget I said anything.”

“Look at this sad, sack of shit.” Connors is laughing and throws a paper clip at Benny. “You’re going to owe us big time, you know that right?”

Benny breathes a sigh of relief. The guys are definitely going to haunt him with this for as long as he lives, but it will be worth it.

“I know.”

—-

This is Benny’s first real Christmas with you. Although he secretly counts the morning of the previous Christmas Eve when he stopped by your donut shop Glazy For You. He wasn’t working and had no reason to be in the neighborhood. But he wanted to see you without all the other guys there. If they were all there, he wouldn’t have been able to work up the nerve to ask you out. They’d harass both of you to no end. When he stood in front of your counter and asked, he’ll never forget how you laughed. You questioned him if it was a ploy for a group of cops to get free donuts. Then you were quiet for a moment and he almost started talking to fill the silence. But then he heard you say yeah okay and it was like he had been struck by lightning. You wrote your number down on a business card and handed it to him. Benny struggled to play it cool while he was leaving only to break down and text immediately from his car. He thought if he waited even one second longer you’d change your mind. 

The first date was the week between Christmas and the New Year. That week is like a brief interlude in your life where anything can happen. Benny remembers that he must have been on that night because you stared intently whenever he spoke. He also remembers how beautiful you looked when you were talking about your work. The way you lit up when talking about Maple Bars made him laugh. He’d never met someone so in love with one type of donut. He could swear at one point when you were talking about them he saw your eyes actually sparkle. There was a familiarity throughout the date that made Benny feel immediately comfortable. The first date turned into a second date, and then a third. At some point when he was loading the dishwasher at your house, he realized he had stopped counting.

You both tried to keep the relationship quiet whenever the guys had stopped by to cure their hangovers with donuts and coffee. He knows how obnoxious they can be and he didn’t want them ruining anything. Ultimately, Benny ruins it for himself when he breaks the cardinal rule of never smiling while texting. When Connors had grabbed his phone and started showing how he has your contact name as Maple Bar—he knew there was no chance of keeping you to himself anymore.

Benny was right, of course. The next time they went, they practically dragged him in while shouting “Maple Bar” at you. You laughed as your face turned red, trying to play it off, but the secret was out. After the novelty of the relationship wore off for the guys, they started calling you “Benny’s girl”. Whenever he heard, he felt like the pit of his stomach was going to drop out. Things between you and the guys stayed largely the same—you joked around with them before and you joke around with them now. The only thing that’s different is Benny feels protective of you even though he knows you’re fine. That was another thing he filed away—that you were the first woman to actually appreciate his bond with the guys. You know they have his back and that’s what’s important to you. It’s just one of the reasons Benny’s love for you grows.

—-

Near the end of the summer your dad passed away suddenly. Benny was at work, but when he got your text, he called you asking where you were. He knew your family dynamics were difficult and he didn’t want you to be alone. He thinks maybe a different sort of man would have been scared by the rawness of the situation. That it would have been too much, too soon. But Benny doesn’t scare easily, so he sat with you on the floor, in the kitchen of your closed shop. He kept you close to him while you cried and listened as you told him how you felt stupid for crying because your relationship with your dad wasn’t the best. His chest tightened when you told him you felt like you didn’t deserve to feel sad. That sadness was reserved for a relationship that had been whole. Benny anchored you to him, afraid that if he let go, you might drift away.

Benny knows you tried to hide being sad after that. You sneak off to the bathroom to cry periodically and one time he follows you. Benny knows about stuffing feelings down—it’s part of his job—but he doesn’t want you doing the same. He gets you talking, you tell him you have this guilt for not attending the funeral. You couldn’t bring yourself to be in a room with his wife of only a few years making everything about herself. Especially after she wouldn’t let you come to their house to look through his things. He didn’t judge you for making that decision; he knows what it’s like to have to make choices not knowing if you are making the right one. Still, Benny’s heart would break when you would  refer to yourself as a horrible person, a horrible daughter. He knows he wasn’t a witness to many things in your life, but he also knows you’re not a bad person. He’s seen how you always step up to help people—giving your money or your time. You even kept Connors fed while he was on leave due to an injury. You give to others what you seem unable to give to yourself and it makes Benny’s heart ache

You seem okay until Thanksgiving with his parents. It was your first time meeting his family and in Benny’s eyes, it was a success. His parents loved you right away. His mom loved the extra help in the kitchen. His sister delighted in telling you the secrets of his childhood. His dad was impressed you owned your own business. But as you both sat in the car outside the house you broke down crying. You kept apologizing while telling him how wonderful his family is; how being around them reminded you that you’d never have another holiday with your dad. You explained how Christmas was his favorite holiday. That he would spend hours stringing up lights around the house before making spritz cookies with you. You took some shallow breaths trying to calm yourself down before listing all the Christmas Eve traditions your family had. That those memories somehow always eclipse the shittier parts of your childhood. Benny held your hand while you spoke. He knows what it’s like to lose people, in his line of work it’s inevitable. But he doesn’t know what it’s like to lose a parent so he stays quiet. When Benny feels you squeeze his hand it sparks something in him. He suddenly becomes very determined to make this Christmas Eve perfect for you.

—-

When December 24th finally arrives, Benny feels as excited as he did when he was a kid. He knew you would be working which gives him time to decorate your house. The only person that backs out from helping is Big Nick—but he never actually agreed so Benny can’t really hold it against him. He puts Connors and Henderson on Christmas lights duty. Benny takes the inside, he knows the guys well enough to not trust them to go through your things. 

Benny finds all of your Christmas decorations and another string of lights in the hallways closet. When he’s grabbing a box labeled ornaments off the shelf a box, wrapped in silver and red striped paper falls to the floor. When he picks it up to place it back on the shelf he catches a glimpse of the white tag on it—To: Benny. He can’t help but smile when he closes the door. 

While he is untangling the lights, Zapata comes in with a tree. Benny looks at it and laughs. It’s so sparse and wide he can see through it. 

“It’s the only one they had.” He shrugs as he props it up against the wall. 

Benny touches one of the branches. “It is a tree, so I guess you did what I asked.”

Zapata shakes his head. “Man, this is a crazy, fucking thing you’re doing.” 

Benny smiles to himself thinking that love will make you do crazy, fucking things.

“I know.”

Zapata leaves and he can hear him shouting up to Connors and Henderson on the roof. Benny can hear them talking about him using their standard terms of endearment: dickless, crazy asshole, and idiot. Benny doesn’t care, because Benny has you. 

It only takes a handful of hours for the guys to put the lights up outside and for Benny to finish decorating inside. The tree doesn’t look as bad once he wraps some lights around it and puts your ornaments up. He’s charmed by the fact you kept all these ornaments from when you were a kid–one for every year until you turned 18. He got some frosted glass spray and tries his best to make your windows look wintery. Finally, Benny wraps your gift in some plaid wrapping paper he found. He surprises himself by the fact that it doesn’t look like complete garbage.

—-

Your car is conveniently having its brakes repaired so Benny told you he would pick you up once you closed for the evening. You’d come back to his place for dinner and a movie and then call it a night. But Benny is sending Connors to pick you up instead. Benny is going to need the extra time to do something he hasn’t done since he was a kid—make cookies.

There’s a reason why Benny hasn’t made cookies in decades. He’s lost when it comes to anything more than standard kitchen fare. Spaghetti, grilling, he can do that just fine. But baking might as well be nuclear science. He’s grateful your kitchen is 90% baking supplies, it saves him from having to fumble around a store looking for all of it.

You have so many recipe books he doesn’t know where to begin. He tries looking through them, but gives up and resorts to googling one on his phone. He thinks maybe it’s cheating to look up the recipe online, but how many variants of this could there be? Somewhere between the 1st and 10th recipe he looks at he finally notices the jump to recipe feature; saving him from the life stories of food bloggers. He settles on one that has minimal backstory, thinking that means it’s an easier.

By the time Benny is done he has what seems like 10 dozen cookies and has made a mess of your entire kitchen. He doesn’t know how he used almost every single dish you have to make one kind of cookie. He tries one of them and he can’t tell if they are supposed to taste like that or if he fucked something up. For Benny, the most pathetic part of the whole thing was that he had to call his mother. A grown, adult man Face Timing his mother because he couldn’t figure out how to work a cookie press. He didn’t realize it would be more complicated than cleaning a gun. He knows he’ll never live this down.

—-

You’re waiting outside of your shop for Benny when you see Connors’ car pull up. Your stomach tightens automatically when you see him step out of the car. Your mind goes to the worst, that something’s happened to Benny.

“Hey Murph, is everything okay?” 

“Borracho got called into work. Asked me to take you home.” 

Once you know Benny is okay your mind goes to how much you hate his nickname. It’s so totally unrepresentative of the man you know.

“Oh, he should have texted. I could have just taken an Uber or something.” 

“You can pay me if it makes you feel better.” 

You laugh as you double check the lock on your security gate. 

“I know how you drive. If you get me home in one piece, then we can discuss your fee.” 

As you get in the car you can hear Connors go on and on about how excellent of a driver he is. You roll your eyes as you put your seatbelt on. 

You’re thankful for the mostly quiet car ride to your house. Connors fills you in on why Benny had to go into work. For whatever reason he seems to be laying it on a little thick—a string of toy store robberies makes it sound like he just watched Home Alone 2. At any moment you feel like he is going to mention a woman covered in pigeons. You don’t think you’ve ever said ‘uh huh’ so much in your life. 

On the drive you see so many houses lit up with Christmas lights and decorations in yards that it starts to make you sad. Sad that you didn’t even get a tree. Sad that you won’t be able to spend your first real Christmas together, together. The Christmas Eve when he asked you out probably only counts in your mind. It still feels strange—the fact that he asked you out. From the first time he came in you developed a little crush. Initially, you didn’t know he was a cop. If you had, it might have stifled your growing crush a bit. You liked that he stood out in that pack of loud voices by not being one. The first time he spoke to you, you wondered how a man with a neck tattoo could have a voice as soft as his. And he was so handsome on that first date in his dark green flannel. You loved the gray speckled in his facial hair; it gave you the impression he was a serious kind of guy, not prone to playing games.

You sigh loud enough that Connors gives you a weird look and you try to pretend like it was yawn. You look back out to the houses and think maybe being alone tonight is better. You’ve been a real fucking downer lately and why ruin a perfectly good Christmas Eve for someone else.

—-

Connors stops at the bottom of a driveway belonging to a house that’s not yours. It looks like your house—a small, one-story, dark blue house with white trim, a small porch, and a window looking out to the street. But you know your house does not have Christmas lights. And this house masquerading as yours, is all lit up.

“This is not my house.”

“Yeah it is.” Connors points and you see Benny standing on the porch, illuminated by the lights. 

“You’re such an asshole.” You blink back the tears that are on the edge of falling. 

He laughs, “Yeah, I know.” 

You thank Connors before getting out of the car. You have a feeling he did more than just give you a ride home. When you step out of his car and close the door behind you, you stand for a moment staring at your house. You don’t think you've ever seen it look so beautiful. It looks like a painting with Benny standing there looking so beautiful too in his dark green flannel buttoned all the way to the top. 

“I knew something was up when Murph was reciting the plot to Home Alone 2 as your work emergency.” 

You give a sly smile as you walk up your porch steps. You can hear Connors’ car idling until Benny waves and he drives off.

“I knew I should’ve had Henderson pick you up.” 

You kiss Benny lightly and wrap your arms around his neck. 

“If I’d known you were breaking out the formal flannel, I would have dressed up.” 

Benny laughs as he takes one of your hands in his. He looks at you in your sugar and icing stained t-shirt and jeans. You look so pretty standing there he almost says what he’s been holding in for months, but stops himself.

“You look perfect.”

Benny squeezes your hand as he brings you into the house. 

—-

You’re overwhelmed when you see everything. You see the tree decorated with your ornaments. It’s so breathtaking, better than any tree you’ve ever seen in your life. But you know that even if it was just a branch tacked to your wall you’d feel the same way. Before you can turn around to tell Benny how much you love it, he’s next to you.

“It’s a little sparse, I know.“ 

You look at him looking at the tree.

“Benny,” you stop to choke down the sob that’s building in your throat, “it’s wonderful. This tree is perfect. It’s all perfect.” 

And everything is. The garland he’s hung around your house. The haphazard fake frostiness added to the windows. The cinnamon scented candles he’s lit all around your living room. It’s like being in a snow globe after everything has settled.

“A lot of sap in here! Looks great. A little full. A lot of sap.”

You didn’t even catch that the television was on, but when you hear it, you know exactly what it is. You turn around and see that Benny has Christmas Vacation playing. That’s the thing that finally pushes you over the edge. This movie that you watched every Christmas Eve since you can remember. The movie that perfectly encapsulates what Christmas meant to you as a kid. The sadness you’ve been feeling and now suddenly the joy you’re experiencing because of Benny finally all bubbles to the surface.

You bury your face in his neck and start to cry for everything that you know you’ll miss but also for what you have right now. His body acts as a solid mass you can lock yourself to. Benny is kissing the top of your head and you’d be embarrassed if it was anyone else witnessing this. But with Benny you know he won’t judge you. He will give you exactly what you need, even when you don’t know you need it.

You pull back and look at him. He cups your face in his hands and brushes the tears from your face with his thumb.

“I miss him, Benny.” 

“You’re allowed to miss him.” 

When Benny says it, you feel like a weight has been lifted off of you. The weight of the self-inflicted punishment for mourning something that wasn’t perfect. You take a step back from him and look around the room again. You want to remember this moment as it is.

“This means everything to me. I hope you know that.”

“I have something else. Stay here.” 

Benny can feel his heart vibrating in his chest as he goes to the kitchen to grab a plate of cookies. He holds it behind his back until he’s in front of you. When you look down at the plate he sees you smile as you grab a wreath shaped cookie off the plate.

“You made these?”

Before he can answer you, you take a bite. He can see your face changing from excitement to what can only be described as delighted horror. Benny’s chest tightens knowing he messed something up.

“Uh….what’s wrong?”

“I think you mixed up the salt and sugar measurements.”

You see Benny’s face fall and you feel so bad that you finish the cookie in your hand and grab another one.

“Don’t eat it!” 

He quickly knocks the cookie out of your hand. You grab another one and he does the same thing. He drops the plate on the floor and it’s all so magically bizarre that you start laughing and can’t stop. You try to say something but you end up in a fit of giggles that makes Benny start laughing. 

“It’s happened to me before. Don’t worry about it.” You manage to wheeze the words out as you wipe the tears–happy tears–from your eyes.

Benny gets serious for a moment, “I just wanted this whole night to be perfect.”

You step over the pile of cookies on the floor and kiss him gently on the lips. He rests his hand on your low back and sighs into you. 

You whisper against his lips, “I can’t imagine anything more perfect than what you’ve done for me.”

Benny rests his forehead against yours, “I have one more thing for you. I didn’t bake it, so don’t worry.”

You smile, “I have something for you too.” 

You break out of his hold and go to the hallway closet. Benny crouches down and gathers the cookies that dropped on the floor back onto the plate. He can’t believe he used so much salt and didn’t even notice. As he’s placing the plate on your coffee table he sees you by the tree holding the wrapped box he spotted earlier. You pick up a thin box wrapped in plaid paper. You walk over to the couch and hand Benny his gift.

“Open yours first.” Benny nods to the gift wrapped in plaid paper that you’re holding as he sits down.

Benny watches you sit down as you carefully undo the ribbon and slide your finger underneath the tape. He’s never seen someone unwrap a gift so carefully and it makes him smile.

“Oh Benny, you remembered.” 

Benny watches you run your hand over the open box containing The Polar Express book set with the silver bell and cassette tape. He remembered the time the movie came on and you complained how it could never compare to the book illustrations and the William Hurt narration. You told him that you always listened to it as a family before you got too old to think it was cool. When you said it he saw the look on your face and he did what he always does; he filed it away.

“Guess who learned about Etsy this year?” 

The face Benny makes, causes you to laugh. The thought of him making an account and searching for this is a gift in and of itself.

“I would have paid to see that.” You look back at the book, “This is the best gift. Thank you.” 

You lean across the small gap between the two of you and kiss him. It’s deeper this time and you can feel the little moan that comes out of Benny’s mouth making you smile. The scratch of his facial hair on your face is a reminder to you that even though Benny seems tough on the outside he’s the exact opposite with you.

You shift back to your seat and nod at the gift Benny is turning over in his hands. He holds it still for a moment before opening it. He takes an opposite approach in unwrapping; ripping the ribbon off, and tearing through the paper. When he opens the box he’s surprised to see a watch that looks exactly like the one he had lost while he was out working on a case. This was right around the time you two had started dating and he wasn’t even aware you had ever paid attention to it. It was a watch he had worn forever—his favorite watch. And when he couldn’t find an exact replacement, he settled on a lesser watch, a watch that never quite measured up. But this, this was it. This was his watch.

“How did you—“

“You’re not the only Etsy user around here.” 

Benny laughs as he takes off the watch he’s wearing to put this one on. You had planned on finding it for his birthday, but it took longer than expected. You can’t even remember how many places you went searching for a watch you could only describe from memory. It was a gift that you bought to hopefully express your love to him when you were afraid to say the words out loud.

Benny grabs your hand and yanks you on top of him. His arm wraps around your waist, his brown eyes looking into you, trying to determine if it’s something he should say now or if he should wait. He knows he could have—should have—said it months ago. Now, there’s something now about the way you’re cradling his face with your hands. Or how your eyes are locked on his own, that is making him loopy.

“I love you..” he stammers to correct himself, “I’ve loved you.” 

He blurts it out like a criminal breaking down and confessing a crime. You’re both still and Benny’s worried he’s made a mistake. But then you run your hand over his hair and back down to his cheek–it makes Benny twitch. You kiss the crown of his head, the side of his nose, his jaw, and then his lips. 

“I love you too, Benny.”

Benny’s skin prickles when you say his name. He shifts so he’s more upright, holding you in his lap. 

“You’re so beautiful.” He buries his face in your chest and squeezes you against him. “I love you so much.” 

You’re thinking of how Benny’s hold on you feels like you’re finally home when something catches your eye through the window.

“I think it’s snowing?”

You climb off of Benny and you both turn to look out of the window. There’s a flurry of white flakes all around your front yard. Benny sees you staring slack jawed through the window and starts to laugh.

“Come on.” He stands up from the couch and tilts his head towards the front door. 

You get up and follow him outside onto your porch. You see a layer of snow covering the grass in your yard and don’t understand how it’s snowing in Los Angeles when it’s 70 degrees out. You stick your hand out and feel the crisp flakes land and melt into your palm.

“How?” You look at Benny and he’s smiling. He points to a man in the corner of your yard with some kind of machine and you finally realize where it’s coming from.

“Compliments of Big Nick!” The man yells it across the yard.

Benny can’t believe that shithead Nick came through. He knows he’ll be paying him back for the rest of his life. But when he looks at you watching the snow like it's some kind of Christmas miracle it doesn’t matter, Benny would pay him back ten lifetimes over. He feels the sting of tears in his eyes and pulls you to him resting his head on top of yours.

“Merry Christmas, Maple Bar.”

“Merry Christmas, Benny.”

[judas-is-scary]

So I really liked Zoom Academy for Superheros as a kid, a widely panned kids movie from 2007 starring Tim Allen. I rewatched it fairly recently and wrote a little thing, I never ended up posting it. But here it is for funsies, I've never posted any fanfic before and I have no spelling skills. I hope anyone who also remembers this weirdly dark childrens movie likes it.

Its similar to the story you know

It starts the same, a lone survivor barely 17 powerless in the desert. The bodies of three friends scattered around him and a brother gone. Nothing left to bury.

The sheer amount of nuclear energy released by the vortex jack creates finds it's way into the atmosphere. Resulting in a generation of children born with powers. Not enough to cause a fuss but the neighbours aren't too surprised when Cindy uproots a tree to shake out her frisby. Kevin down the street can make little wind gusts, Cindy's power level though is enough to catch attention.

As is Dylan's, Summers and Tuckers, when he uses it that is.

So they all end up in that miltary base. Jack with the promise of money if trains them, he rather take the carrot than stick. The jail he'd end up in probably looks less like a prison and more like a fresh ditch and bullet in the head.

The kids go of course because they're parents say so and so does the military. Their parents sign waivers and are fairly compensated for their loss. On that day they go from children to military assets, an important distinction where legality is concerned.

The story is much the same, jack is jaded, the children adjust as best they can to their environment. Holloway gives encouragement as best she can knowing she is likely sending children to die.

Better a heros death she tells herself, they'll get comic books written about them just like jack. The comic books don't mention that he's always late thinking he'll get there faster than he can, or that he's deaf in one ear, or that below the left knee he is metal.

They expose the children to gamma, of course they do. One child's life is not worth what Concussion could do. Dylan is the first. They reason better the invisible kid go crazy than one that can lift a truck. It unlocks his clairvoyance `mindsight` jack calls it. He vomits for days afterward but he does not go crazy and he does not die.

Concussion shows up before the military can dose the rest. Jacks powers reactivate to save Cindy. To this day there is still shrapnel in her arm from shards of the metal net, too small for the surgeons.

Concussion sends back the rocks that summer throws at him, most miss. One doesn't, it hits her right in the eye. Cindy thinks the eyepatch she wears after is cool so summer does mind too much.

Tucker manages a good hit in before a blast sends him into rocks that leaves him paralysed from the waist down. He always says it could be worse, if he lost an eye like summer, that would be it. God forbid the world be deprived of his baby blues.

Dylan comes out relatively unscathed. The gamma damage stays however, it was a miracle that jack lived past 40 and it will be another if he does.

Connor is saved. Thanks to jack, Concussion is just his big brother again. Still 19 and no longer trapped in a space between here and now.

Jack however, there is a reason his powers stopped working. It isn't a mental block caused by the pain of losing his family. It was self defence. The speeds he could move at weren't sustainable on his body, especially after the first vortex. So his body shut it down.

He is nearing 50, he is not 17, his body gives up. Jack is Zoom for a fight, jack gets to be Zoom once more before he drops from exertion and does not get up.

Summer and the rest take the ship and Connor. You can't track space tec, staying hidden helps when you've got a friend that can see around corners. They live in a house a little bit too small for them in a city easy to get lost in and try to adjust back to civilian life.

Connor is old enough to pose as an older brother and the kids get to go back to school. It's easier to make friends now at least, high school bullies aren't very scary anymore. Connor disappeared in the 80s so the all the technolgy is a riot. He misses he brother and blames himself for his orginal teams deaths.

The new family helps him move on. When Cindy finishes high school they move out to a farm. Summer finds business is easy when you can sense emotion, so money isn't a problem.

Cindy can lift all the heavy objects she wants. Summer loves the animals and tucker is a mean cook. Dylan learns to garden. Connor fixes stuff when it breaks and retrofits tuckers chair with tracks and others gadgets inspired by the ships design.

There is a horse named jack because he's the fastest they have and whenever the gang needs a break they go brush him. Everyone knows it means to leave them be. They all have their own demons.

They sell things at the famers market. The community is endeared if confused by the odd family. They don't ask questions, they are all out here for their own reasons and tucker makes the best pies in town.

They heal, away from the military. They are not heroes. They are a family and they are happy.

[connorsjorts]

Fic tag game! Tagged by the lovely @sweeteatercat , thank you!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 4

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 229,987

3. What fandoms do you write for? DBH

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? I don't even have 5 fics 😅 but here they are in order: 1. he's making a list; i'm checking him out 2. long way home 3. stupid sexy priest 4. make my wish come true

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Always! I haven't responded to comments on my latest chapter yet, but I will. It's really important to me: 1) If someone takes the time to read my work AND share their thoughts with me, that really does mean so much, saying thank you (and clumsily attempting to express the depth of my gratitude in an annoying amount of emojis) is the least I can do; and 2) This is a community! The validation is nice, yes, but I write to connect with people. I love hearing what people have to say and I love to talk with them about it! I've made friends through my ao3 comments, we're all here because we love the same thing, and if you're excited about my silly contributions OF COURSE I'm gonna want to talk to you! Your reactions to the work are just as important as the work itself imo. Art is a conversation!

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Probably make my wish come true, just because it's an alternate POV of a scene in a different fic so the main conflict remains unresolved. But it still has a feel-good ending! Sad endings don't exist in my world

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I'm not sure! What do you guys think? Generally in my fics I try to wrap everything up in a happy little bow without everything being too perfect--we still have to work, we still make mistakes, life is still hell; but it's easier when we have each other and have found faith in ourselves.

8. Do you get hate on fics? I haven't yet...... (bracing myself for my first hate comment to come through as soon as I publish this post)

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind? Sure do! I write the over-the-top, too long, lots of emotion, lots of laughing/banter, taking-off-your-pants-is-awkward kind. Sex is cool but friendship is the most romantic thing to me ❤️ I enjoy writing smut the most when they really, genuinely like each other as people.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? I have not and I doubt I would. Probably the closest I would get is an au based on another piece of media (I do dream of a hankcon twin peaks au)

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? I have never even considered that being a thing until now

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Someone requested to translate one of my fics but I don't know if it will ever come to fruition. I hope it does though, I would love that!

13. Have you ever cowritten a fic before? No but I've briefly discussed it with a friend... now that I'm done with the bb I'll need to contact them and see if they're still interested because I sure am 👀��

14. What's your all-time favourite ship? Hankconnnnnnnnnn

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will? I started a fic where Connor works in a sex shop and a very vanilla Hank comes in looking for something to spice things up with his girlfriend. He gets some fuzzy handcuffs and they do their job when it comes to Hank's boner, unfortunately that has more to do with Hank fantasizing about the person who sold them to him more than anything else. He breaks up with the girlfriend and most of the fic would be Hank continuing to frequent the sex shop as an excuse to talk to Connor as he gets more and more in over his head thanks to Connor's recommendations. It was really good in my head, but when I put it to paper it just... wasn't. So I'll probably never continue it.

16. What are your writing strengths? Characterization, I think! I get a lot of compliments on it. It's the best feeling when someone falls in love with one of my characters ❤️

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Setting 😖 I like to pepper in details as I go, I really struggle when the scene calls for describing the whole-ass place at once

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? If y'all want a fic about the Duolingo characters, sure. Otherwise I'm sure I'd be abysmal at it. I'm not proficient enough in any other language to get the voice right.

19. First fandom you wrote for? DBH. I am a fic-writing newbie and also I tend to stick with one thing for 4,000 years

20. Favourite fic you've ever written? Probably long way home, it's not as popular as mall santa but there's so much of my soul in that fic. Artistically and thematically, it's very me, and it's also the story that taught me how to write. I had never written any work of fiction before I started it (Hankcon was just that strong) and now I never want to do anything else. Thank you for reading, if you want to play consider yourself tagged! 💖

[tunemyart]

I was tagged by @wistfulwatcher in 20 Questions for Fic Writers - thank you!! <33

How many works do you have on AO3?

47

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

408,521

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Actively, right now? It's Cabenson all the time. I have a crossover with Elementary in the works, if it counts? Historically: Xena: Warrior Princess, Olivia (1951), Star Trek(s touching on Voyager, Picard, and Discovery), Wicked, Once Upon a Time, Rizzoli & Isles. Waaaaay back in the day historically: A TON of Wicked, smattering of The X-Files, Battlestar: Galactica, Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles, Stargates SG-1 and Atlantis, Doctor Who, Bones.

Oh. Also Star Wars EU as a wee child.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Presque Vu (R&I)

all the sacred boundaries we've overgrown (OUAT)

The Nature of Work Wives (R&I)

the undoing and the reweaving (XWP)

The Thing Called Future (OUAT)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yeah!! Posting fic is all about the positive human interaction for me! Obviously comments are life, we all know this; but also I have irl friendships that started in the comments of my fic because I responded. You never know who you're going to meet or in what capacity.

tl;dr if someone feels compelled enough by something that came directly out of my brain and my soul to engage tangibly with it - you bet I'm going to respond, barring irl complications.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Hmmmm so I have been accused of being something of an angst queen, but I also like a happy ending after the angst. I think the angstiest contenders are more ambiguous, and are probably:

no one else can break my heart like you (Wicked) - because we all know what's coming in Act II

Chrysopylae (Voyager/Picard) - because I really don't think many things about Seven and Janeway's relationship can ever truly be resolved

do borg dream of individuality? (Voyager) - see above, where Janeway is starting to intuit this

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I think The Thing Called Future (OUAT) is a pretty classic happy ending! So is all the sacred boundaries we've overgrown (OUAT). Both are in the right fandom for it!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I've been very fortunate to get very nice, genuine folks and exactly one person I'm choosing to believe was having a bad day and taking it out on me.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Y-yes? I guess it depends on your definition of smut. There's sex for sure, but the focus is more on the emotions while it's happening than on graphic descriptions of what's happening or how it feels. Most of the time it's baked into the narrative and telling the story. I think I've really only written one or two PWP, and they're in XWP fandom.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Not really! As mentioned I've got the SVU/Elementary crossover in the works, but for the reason that time and location align so incredibly perfectly. I also had a XWP/Wonder Woman crossover I wrote on a prompt (an amazon matter) and that was a lot of fun, but probably also not crazy.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not word for word or reposted.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but it would be cool!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, but @90stvqueen and I have talked about cowriting prompts before!

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Oof. I feel like I should say Xena/Gabrielle here, but Gelphie is my OG (shoutout gateway lesbians!)

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

hahahahaha pass

16. What are your writing strengths?

This is a very reflective question! I guess I'd say emotional reflection + revision/distillation. Give me an inch I'll write you a mile, and then realize I need to revise it to something closer the inch you'll actually read or the conversation the characters would actually have.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Action, movement, and description of setting. Wait, no, are they sitting/standing in some nebulous, blurry-edged space having a conversation again???? nooooooooooooooooooooo

I'm working on it, and I'm proud of what my efforts are yielding, but also: ughh

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

It's a nice idea, but imo it distracts so hard from the flow of reading. One or two words where the reader can figure it out in context, or where the reader probably knows what it means, is great! Adds color and flavor! Entire lines that require footnotes… personally, I'm never going to look those up.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Star Wars EU! Luke Skywalker/Mara Jade OTP!

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

I don't know if/when my answer is going to change from The Wide Orbit (SVU) - genuinely I think it's the best thing I've ever written. A lot of work and revision went into it and I think the final product shows it. It is precisely the story I wanted to tell in precisely the way I wanted to tell it. I just reread it and am still so delighted with it.

tagging in a no-pressure way: @chthonic-cassandra @chainofclovers @90stvqueen @cargopantsprentiss @butchcraftmacncheese @neornithes @dadrielle

[chloeillustrates16]

A Talk is Sometimes All You Need

Man, never wrote a Dbh fic on tumblr before. Honestly, out of all the fandoms I've been in on this platform I'm surprised that I haven't well here we are.

Summary: Connor is still getting used to his deviancy, with deviancy comes emotions, with emotions comes pain.

Warnings: Depression, swearing

Pairing: Connor x Fem Reader

Connor was staring at his hands absentmindedly, memories from when he was a machine coming back. His breath was shallow, the world around him felt like it was crumbling. He felt a hand on his shoulder, jumping him out of his trance.

He turned his attention from his hands to Y/n, Y/n had been there for him since the beginning. After going to the DPD as a machine to investigate the deviant case she paired with himself and Hank. She was the only person in the beginning that was sweet to him, Hank didn't hug him until he was deviant.

"Connor, is everything all right?" she asked, her voice soft causing his heart to clench.

"I don't know what I'm feeling," he said. She sat down next to him on the couch,

Describe it."

"I feel alone, when I'm not. I feel as if I'm the only person in the world that has problems. Selfish, I know," tears started to form in the corners of his eyes. She didn't speak, placing her hand on his waiting for him to continue. "I feel tired, even though I can't physically be tired. Some days, I don't want to get out of bed. Some days, I think...wouldn't everyone around me be better off if I was gone?"

Y/n's eyes widened as she swallowed thickly, her hands started to tremble. Connor took immediate notice, his frown deepened as he stared down at her hands on his'. "I apologize if I make you upset, I don't mean to. I understand if you want me to leave," he was about to get up when her hands tightened around his. Her knuckles turning white, "Y/n?"

"Connor," her voice cracked. "Please, talk to me. Don't run away," she didn't mean to cry. She felt stupid, how could she cry at a time like this? Connor needed her and all she did was break down in his hands,

"I think you call it depression, however, there is nothing we can do. I'm not human," he continued. "Sometimes, I believe it would've been better if I were human."

"No," Y/n's voice turned firm. He looked up at her, "No, Connor. Don't say that I like you just the way you are, human or android. Neither would be better than the other."

"I'm not accepted into either, so, I think being human would be more beneficial for me."

"Connor, look at me," his shoulders tensed as her voice became hard. "Humans are so insignificant compared to androids, androids are smarter, faster, better than us. People don't like to acknowledge that but it's true. We age and die, are bodies are so fragile to the point where an injury could hurt us for the rest of our lives. For androids, you just get the part replaced and not have any further complications."

"Y/n," he started. "You know how androids think of me."

"I don't give a shit about what other androids think!" her voice softened, "Connor, you're the best thing that's ever happened to me...to hank. Without you, I don't think would've recovered, without you, I think I would still felt alone. You helped us, now it's time for us to help you. Those androids don't know shit about you, they're only judging because of your past. You were just a machine executing a program, now, you're you. That sassy Connor that pisses Gavin off, that hilarious Connor that makes me laugh on my worse days."

He stared at her, his eyes widening. He scanned her, her heart had been accelerating since she mentioned herself. "Y/n, your heart is pounding."

"I know."

"Is it something I did?"

"Absolutely not, it's me."

"What is it, are you sick?"

"No, no, I'm fine." he noticed that her cheeks were heating up, he absentmindedly placed his hand against her cheek, it was very warm against his palm. "Connor, we're going to help you. I promise," she reassured. He shifted leaning closer,

"Thank you, Y/n, for calming me down."

"I think you had a panic attack," she explained. Connor nodded in agreement. It wasn't the first time he's had one, her and/or Hank were always ready to help him when he needed it.

"Can I try something?"

"Try what?"

"I notice that when I'm close to you...your heart accelerates, am I wrong?" she bit the inside of her cheek not responding, "If you will allow me to...I would very much like to kiss you." All she did was nod as his lips pressed against hers, it was soft, he held her as if she could break at any moment. Pulling away, Y/n let out a sigh against his lips, "I'm sorry if I was stepping over any boundaries."

"Not at all," she smiled. "I wouldn't mind if you did it again, actually." He let out a soft chuckle before pressing his lips against hers once again.