#I've never met a character I'm both so attracted to and have so much in common with

[serial-unaliver]

making this post so people stop sending the ask: "how do I get a failson"

so I hate to break this to you but real life isn't booktok and you need some sort of redeeming qualities to attract anyone of any financial status who is actually a respectable human being. my failson relationship actually began with talking and became more intimate over time like most romantic relationships. it wasn't like, a special thing I manifested. when I made those failson posts I didn't expect to gain anything from it, I just basically say whatever's on my mind on here regardless of how off-putting it may be to the average person. some people dislike that type of honesty while others are attracted to it. failson is actually honest and unashamed like me. I find this an attractive quality. it's not a common one, it requires a certain level of pride and confidence--genuine confidence and not a facade for validation. what i'm trying to say here is we actually found qualities in each other beyond financial status. I didn't reveal this at first but I continued contacting him not because I had no "options" but because I enjoyed our conversations, and it's pretty damn hard for me to get invested in conversations involving more than debates about politics. he brought out feelings in me I honestly had no idea existed before. a lot of my own family sees me as "sociopathic" and questions my intentions in relationships. I think i'm just careful--well, careful in some ways and enjoying an adrenaline rush in others. I assumed i'd only be capable of purely transactional relationships but i've discovered that's not true. it makes me feel vulnerable but much more alive.

okay wait i'm really straying from the original topic to talk about myself--queue the narcissism tiktoks, everyone! but my "advice" for "getting a failson" is not special. it's a normal relationship that is only seen as abnormal because of the honesty involved. people also apparently think i'm such a weirdo i've been talking about the failson ai character here. we met online first then in real life. he is in fact real 😭 and no, he does not hate that I call him failson, we both actually use fail-terms; i'm not THAT mean, people! if someone is uncomfortable being called something then I would stop calling them it. I have made it quite clear I find his failson qualities endearing. perhaps I am a class traitor 😩 ANYWAY that is all. you can stop begging for failson advice now. I may make jokes on tumblr but i'm a real person with real feelings who would not actually start seeing someone based on wealth alone. it attracts me, but I would never get intimate if wealth were the only factor. one more thing- I do not actually force failson to spend money on my behalf. I encourage it by my obvious failson enthusiasm but ultimately it's his decision. so i'm not like, "give me an allowance" or whatever else people assume i'm doing 😂 I actually find it significantly more attractive if there's choice involved because it shows motive beyond transaction. he likes to see me happy and I get equally excited when he smiles at me. ughhhh this is so cheesy I am embarrassing myself here by not faking nonchalance so you all better appreciate this post!

[ofstardustanddreaming]

hidden love

headcanon summary: gambit reacting to mutant gn crush who can hide their presence

content warnings: none

fandom: x-men/deadpool and wolverine

character: gambit x reader

anon request

a.n. - i'm so sorry if the accent doesn't come out quite right in writing, i've never really had a chance to write accents! please let me know if there's any improvement i can make :)

your power allows you to disappear in a sense, where you fade from existence seemingly. it created a problem when you were younger, where you felt cut off from your peers when you faded from lack of control over your powers. it was a feeling you took with you into your adult lifetime though, when you were recruited by charles into x-men to hone in on your skills. now you're better at disappearing when you want too, although it can subconsciously happen when you space out or get startled easily.

you still felt a bit ignored by your peers, although not unused to the feeling, but you were hoping to branch out and gain some family or close friends. it wasn't until remy showed up in your life that the feeling of being invisibile you got so used to changed. now it seems like others now had an easier time seeing you as well.

you initially ran into remy on the stairs, rounding the corner a bit too sharp, the resounding smack into his chest causing you to inhale a sharp breath. it's not like you meant too, your throat closing up at the idea you could get in trouble for this, the one time you're seen. you simply curled into yourself and you thought about hiding, and then simply vanish into the air. you couldn't help it - you bumped into a really attractive man you hadn't met before, feeling too incredibly embarrassed beyond your stuttering to offer a napkin or apologize to the man you caused to spill his coffee on himself.

"huh? cher?" he asks, looking around for where you could have possibly gone. he shrugs after a second, purple eyes glancing around, and walks away, back upstairs towards where you assume his room is to clean up. you come back into visibility after you're sure he's gone, a small smile on your face after hearing him speak, gaining a damning crush on a man you barely know. (you can only assume you haven't seen him before was because he just got recruited or he's been on a bit of a long mission away from here, long enough for you to be recruited a few months ago. which would make you feel worse if he just got back and you spilled his coffee on him.)

the next time you see him, you're both in the kitchen for breakfast. he glances your way where you're nervously making your coffee, not used to him continually looking at you, not through you. usually people give you a glance over, not able to really focus on you too much when you fade in and out because of a fear response towards conversation. something you've carried with you since childhood.

"ah, so you're the cher i've had the pleasure of running to, no?" he asks, his accent thick, pointing out to the slight disappearing act you have right now, fading slightly. you're mesmerized, hanging onto his words. which you're sure he notices, considering his smirk your way. he plays with his cards, as he waits for your response and the stovetop to heat up.

you nod though, focusing intently on stirring your coffee before you take a sip. he walks over to you, looking you up and down. it creates a nervous break in you, causing you and your mug to disappear completely now, another aspect of your power - you can cause certain objects you're holding to disappear as well, some bigger items needed more concentration you've found.

he holds his arm out, wondering if you could still be felt. and you let him, as he touches your shoulder, eyebrows raised. he thought your power is really cool, not hesitating to tell you so. it makes you feel warm, like you're finally seen as you come back into view.

and that was the beautiful start of your friendship. the both of you found any time you could to hang out, where you would spill everything to one another. you, talking about how scary it is for you to talk to others on the team because of your younger days, where others really never made connections with you because of your disappearing act. (he loves parading you around to the others, and they do really want to get to know you. it's just getting over the fear.) he also talks to you about his thieving guild days, thankful for your understanding and how you welcomed him with open arms.

he's also very flirty with you, although you think he's that way with everyone. you've seen how he is with rouge as well, and as someone with low self esteem, you assume that he only wants friends with you, and that he's just acting friendly with you. which you're okay with. (little do you know that he really likes you. he's just been practicing lines with rouge, and didn't realize you had overheard for those moments.)

it only took a few months after what you saw for you both to reveal your feelings for one another, which happened on one of your many missions together that went awry. you tend to fade in and out during fights based on what strategy is best, and you had faded to help a prisoner of the enemy escape by becoming invisible as well. an enemy saw you disappear though and took an educated guess to where you were and shot you. it causes you to come back into sight of remy who saw you get shot, falling to your knees.

remy rushes your way, throwing cards at the enemy who shot you, falling next down next to you. others took over the fight, one already close to finishing, so he's able to focus his attention on you to stem the bleeding. you've both never seen so much panic on the other's face like this, facing potential death and the fear of being unable to spend more time with another.

"oh, hold on mon cher. you'll be okay." he cradles your head with one hand, another on your waist. you grasp onto his wrists, vision fading, the last thing you hear is "je t'aime mon couer."

you come to eventually in the infirmary, vision fuzzy before it clears. you feel a weight in your hand, remy beside you sleeping in the uncomfortable chair next to the bed. his hand in yours. it makes you lightly smile, glad he was there. you tug on his hand, to signal you were up. he was quick to wake up, wanting to attend to your needs.

"oh, couer, you're finally awake now. ya need anything, anything i can do?" he hovers over you, hands stroking your face, feather light. you hold one of his hands, kissing his palm.

"just you. i love you too, you know." you tell him, and from there you both start your relationship, confessing to one another.

in the end, you're happy you're able to be with the man who can see you for you.

[mrsparrasblog]

Girlie your brain is wrinkly 🧠 can u write kyle being in a competition against Rudy to woo reader? Only one of them will get her in the end🥺👉👈 personally I am rooting for Rudy but you decide in the end😘

Hey first of all Thank you <333333 wrinkly brain is now my favorite new word thingy. It feels criminaly wrong to let my character pick someone over Kyle but Rudy deserves everything too. Just enjoy my midnight thoughts.

He had been pining after you for six years—six terrible, long years—where you had several shitty boyfriends or were too oblivious to realize he even liked you. At this point, it was tiring for Rodolfo to love you, but how could he stop? He had never met someone like you: so eager, beautiful, loving, and funny.

He remembered the day he first met you like it was only yesterday. You were so curious and full of passion, almost more than Alejandro had. Since then, you had grown up to be one of the most essential parts of the vaqueros. If you weren’t a medic, you would have been the third in command five years ago, but saving people was just your thing.

Alejandro, Rudy, and you spent most of these five years together on duty, and even in your off time, you went to bars with them, family gatherings, and even on vacation in Cancun. And all these times, Rudy didn't have the guts to ask you out. Alejandro always told him that he should just try, the way you looked at him or how you screamed and cried as he almost died—this is love, but he didn't believe it. And you thought he saw you more like a sister than someone to love, so you both silently gave up.

When Graves' betrayal happened, you fought alongside Rudy's, Ghost's, and Soap's side. You were so happy to have the help of their captain and another Sergeant. What surprised you was that the other Sergeant, Kyle, was so attractive.

You weren’t sure how it happened, but after the great win, you were in a pub with all of them—141 & Vaqueros—sitting on Kyle's lap. You were a bit too tipsy to realize Rudy's jealous glance and Alejandro's disappointed look. All you noticed was the pretty boy whispering sweet nothings into your ear, "Such a beautiful woman. Mhm, the most beautiful girl I've seen in ages." His hot breath tickled against your ear as he slowly wrapped his lips around your neck, eliciting a moan from you, much to Rudy's annoyance. He was almost fuming, and as you noticed it, you couldn’t stop yourself from making him a bit jealous.

So, you ended up in the corner with Kyle. His hips were pressed against yours as he pulled you into a deeper kiss. His tongue fought for dominance, his hands grabbing your ass and squeezing it lightly. "I want you, Kyle."

"Want you too Doll"

It took seconds for your luck to disappear when you went to the bathroom, returning to see Rudy punching Kyle. "Leave her the fuck alone, pendejo."

"She wanted it."

"Who cares? She’s mine."

"Rodolfo, Kyle, both of you stop," you commanded, pulling Rudy by his ear outside of the shady bar of Las Almas.

"What was that?" You asked, lifting your brow in question.

"Mhm, sorry, mi amor."

"You're a childish idiot stop punching every men I give a bit of attention, and now let me fix your cheek," you said, gathering a napkin out of your bag and removing the blood from his cheek.

"I know."

"What did you mean with 'I'm yours,' Rudy?"

"Come on, don’t act like you don’t know." he rolled his eyes, he couldn't believe you were so oblivious, you should have noticed ages ago like everyone else.

"What know?"

"That I've wanted you all these years, just couldn’t stand seeing you with another idiot again."

"You're joking, right?"

"No."

"Oh, Rudy, you should have told me."

"Why?" he mumbled not seeing the point in getting rejected

And with that, you grabbed his face, and after all these years of longing, you finally had Rodolfo where you wanted him: right beside you.

"Finally" Alejandro whispered in the corner of the bar, his two best friends were finally where they belonged.

[kenneduck]

Would your Yona also have feelings for Link? Or perhaps she sees him as a good friend? Would Sidon get jealous seeing Link ride HER in the water lol

Hmm, so I've been hesitant to answer this, but I kind of want to! I'll just say that what I'm GOING to say isn't canon for Secret Confessions when it comes to Link, but this is how I like to write her character, and to make full sense of it, I'll just say how I imagine both Yona's relationships w/ Sidon and Link here...

Yona I imagine was a childhood friend of Sidon, who met him through her family member, Muzu. As she's from the same domain Muzu/Dorephan was from originaly before Dorephan married Sidon/Mipha's mother and moved into the Hyrule Zora's Domain. Yona was there to comfort Sidon after he lost Mipha, as the two both mourned her and leaned on each other. Though, the two spent less time together as Sidon grew older, so their romantic feelings didn't grow until after their arranged marriage.

I HC Yona to be like demiromantic + asexual, so I view Yona and Sidon's romance differently than Sidon and Link's. Yona loves Sidon as her husband. Her love for him is strong, and she feels so safe in his arms and by his side. She didn't have romantic feelings for him when they were first arranged, but he's just so charismatic and lovable, and quite honestly funny. In a way Yona didn't get to see much when he was younger. She can't get over how much heart he's grown to have, but still manage to be the most lovable ditz in her life. She worried at first with the marriage that it would be nothing more than a political one, especially as she grew very aware of Sidon's blatant attraction for his dearest friend, but she quickly realized how big his heart was. That she also had a place in it. Sidon fell in love with Yona's comfort, her genuine care, and the way she's able to speak so heartfelt with such ease and consideration. She's the smartest person he knows, and he's so happy that she's the Zora Queen. He also loves how cuddly she is, and that when the two are alone, it's spent in each others arms. She's so comforting.

After Link joins the picture, Yona is more than happy to see Sidon's heart full. That, and she most definitely can enjoy breaks from her husband, and even though she enjoys his cuddles and endless compliments, she also enjoys her alone time. She also feels glad that Sidon has someone that... loves him in a way she doesn't. She's never felt pressured by Sidon to be intimate. Even with him always explaining his love for her isn't defined by intimacy, she's found herself guilty for not loving Sidon in that way. The first time she spots a Zora bite on Link, she's overwhelmed with laughter. She's happy, and Link clearly is too, as he isn't trying to hide it at all. Yona feels a weight of sort off her shoulders from this... so thankfully Link had a mark on his LMAO.

When it comes to sleeping arrangements, if Link is there that night, the three share a bed in Sidon and Yona's quarters that is big enough for the three. Where Link and Yona sandwich Sidon between them, and the three cuddle the night away. Yona, at first, is cautious about sticking to her side of the bed. She wants to avoid Link, not because she dislikes him, but she knows he loves Sidon, not her. She doesn't mind sticking to her side of the bed, but one morning when she wakes up to Link cuddling her and Sidon snoring on the other side of Link, she's overwhelmed. Though, she strangely feels comforted, and she quite enjoys it, which only causes her alarm and she gently unwraps Link around her. This happens a few times, and Yona feels a bit confused at the experiences. She doesn't DISLIKE them, but she also feels a bit guilty when she admits she is finding Link quite comforting in the way she finds Sidon.

Yona finds herself giggling more at Link's feral like behaviors. Finding herself blushing a bit when Link and Sidon swim around the reservoir. When she and Link talk alone, she feels a comfort that leaves her confused. She wants to know more, be around him more, but she knows that isn't what Link wants.

But again, one morning after she wakes up, she's met with Sidon on the other side of Link. Sidon is awake, and with Yona's movements, Link awakens, too. Yona expects Link to give his usual morning kiss to Sidon, but with Link used to Sidon being to his left, he, without opening his eyes, gives Yona a peck, leaving Sidon AND Yona both confused and speechless. Link opens his eyes to the sight, and immediately apologizes, turning redder than Sidon. Yona explains all is well, but her heart is racing, and she's overwhelmed because she LIKED the kiss, and with her guilt, she runs out.

Later that day, Link meets Yona alone, and he apologizes for the morning. Link noticed Yona hadn't returned from the reservoir, and knew this accidental kiss was something they wouldn't just forget about. When Link apologizes, Yona apologizes too, as she admits she liked it, and that she apologizes for falling for Link, too. Link is silent for what feels like a long time. But when he walks over to Yona and hugs her, she's surprised. Link admits he's grown his own love for Yona with their time spent together. It's different than his love for Sidon, but it's more than just as a friend. He does love her, and he's sorry for the kiss, but if she's okay with it, he'd like to make a proper kiss next time. To which Yona agrees, and the two kiss again.

Sidon of fucking course is overly excited at the news, as this presents so many more cuddling and date options. The three get along swimmingly, and well, Sidon wouldn't get jealous of Link swimming on Yona's back. He'd just be waiting impatiently for his turn LMAO.

[lovelettersbyj]

Hunger For Power

Warnings: None.

Pairing: Coriolanus Snow x Fem Reader (?).

Summary: Pearl Whitegrove is a fashion intern, who, after a few meetings with Coriolanus Snow, realizes that if she wants to be Panem's next top Fashion Designer, she has to make sure she's at Coriolanus' side when he inevitably gets into power. It helps that he's devastatingly attractive.

Word Count: 1,814.

A/N: After having watched the new Hunger Games movie, this idea popped into my head and I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. I wanted to create a character that was sort of the opposite of Tigris? A negative influence for Coriolanus that ultimately turns into a toxic love interest for him. I quickly wrote up this sort of intro to her character, so I hope you all enjoy! Also I should say, I've never read the books and I'm only going off of the movies/making up information. So I apologize if anything is slightly wrong/doesn't match.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“How’s that cousin of yours, Tigris?” Continuing to sew, I glanced up at the blonde haired woman who sat across from me. She was busy stitching some dark turquoise buttons to a white long-sleeved shirt, trying her best to hide from our mentor and boss Fabricia Whatnot.

She looked up at me with a stoic expression, then back down to her secret project. “He’s fine.”

I chuckled, returning my attention to my dress. In a few days, the 10th annual reaping ceremony would take place. I knew Coriolanus because of Tigris, and in the few conversations I’d had with him, I knew how powerful he could be. He was intelligent; speaking always with such an elegant charm that could convince anyone to listen and obey him. He’d choose his words carefully and completely analyze the situation in front of him before speaking. If he played his cards right, I could very well see Coriolanus Snow becoming the new President of Panem. That is, if Dean Casca Highbottom didn’t despise him as much as he did.

The door to Fabricia’s office swung open, her long magenta hair peeking out as she yelled out to us, “I want those designs done before the sun goes down today. Otherwise, neither of you are getting paid. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Madam Whatnot,” Tigris and I both nodded, never once making eye contact with her, and rather, continuing to sew at a faster pace.

Of course someone as incredibly stylish and knowledgeable in the fashion industry as Fabricia Whatnot was also something of a wicked demon. She was incredibly rude to her employees, particularly Tigris & I. Hired under the impression of an apprenticeship, we quickly met a much more grim fate in the form of slave labor. She took advantage of young capitol people with a hunger for fashion, tempting us with the idea of being able to one day create our own designs for the capitol students, citizens, and even Hunger Games tributes to dawn our clothing. So in the meantime, we worked long hours, had little rest, and even more little pay.

Hours had passed, and Tigris and I miraculously finished the designs Whatnot had asked for. With a wave of her bony hand, she dismissed us, and sliding on our coats we exited her office and made our way out of the office. Upon opening the large glass door to the front of the building, a somewhat scrawny, curly haired blonde man stood waiting with his back turned to us.

“Coryo,” Tigris spoke, and he turned, his eyes lighting up and a smile decorating his face, “What are you doing here?”

He walked over, taking her hand to help her down the last step, “Grandma’am told me you hadn’t come home yet, so I figured I’d come down to wait for you to finish work. I don’t want you walking home alone so late.”

I slipped my hands into my olive green coat, tilting my head slightly towards him. He had a slightly boyish look, with an air of innocence about him. But all the whispers about him were true, he was much more handsome up close.

“Coriolanus,” I smiled, “I was wondering when I’d see you again.”

His attention now switched over to me, a gleam in his eyes highlighting the striking pale blue color, “Pearl Whitegrove. It’s certainly been too long.” With a hand extended, I reached my palm out, placing my fingers carefully over his. Lifting his hand, his lips brushed over my knuckles ever so softly in a formal greeting. How warm his lips were, I thought.

“I hear you’re first in line for the Plinth Prize. You must be ecstatic. Finally, the Snow name is making a comeback.”

His lip curled up in a curt smirk, “Well, yes, I’ve studied hard and hope to be congratulated for my efforts. But all I want is to provide for my family.”

“Right,” I chuckled, glancing over to Tigris whose face slowly became more worried as she tucked herself behind Coriolanus’ back, “The fame and fast track into University would just be a bonus, huh?” 

Silence. Just as I thought.

“Well, Coriolanus, I wish you the best of luck. If there’s one thing I know, is that you’ll find a way to succeed one way or another. You’ve got this… hunger in you. It drives you. I think ultimately it’ll guide you to what you want—” Tigris’ hand wrapped around Coriolanus’ arm in attempts to pull him away, “—If you allow it to take over.”

He looked down at her, placing a hand over hers before looking back to me, “Thank you, Pearl. Let’s hope you’re right.”

They turned away, walking towards the main road. Shortly after crossing, a familiar black car pulled up, with a man dressed in a charcoal colored tailcoat stepped out, extending a hand towards the open door for me.

“Yes, Coryo. Let’s.”

————————

10th Annual Reaping Ceremony

It seems as if a few days went by in a matter of seconds, and before I knew it, the Reaping Ceremony had arrived. In a strange change of heart, Fabricia Whatnot had excused everyone from coming into work that day and instead encouraged us to attend the ceremony.

I hadn’t been able to stop thinking about my last conversation with Coriolanus Snow. The way his blue eyes shimmered under the dim lights of the street lamps. How thin his frame was, hiding underneath his slightly oversized Academy uniform. His hair was so blonde and curly, a single strand hanging delicately just across his forehead. Every bit of my brain was obsessed with him, and I made it my mission to get him to feel the same.

Taking in a deep breath, I dusted off my golden yellow dress, grabbed my black coat and made my way out the door.

Entering the Academy building I was greeted with a sea of red and blue, students shuffling about the main floor as they met up with friends; greeted teachers. I glanced around in search of a familiar face, when I suddenly felt a hand land cautiously on my shoulder. Turning around, I was greeted with the same pair of eyes that hadn’t left my mind for days.

“Pearl,” His deep voice spoke, “What a surprise.”

Any sort of control I had to stop the smile from forming on my face completely failed me, “Coriolanus, hi.” Be cool. “I see Tigris’ secret project turned out well.”

Coryo furrowed his eyebrows, and I pointed to his shirt. He let out a small laugh, running a hand  across his chest, “Oh yes. It came out quite well. I had her make a few modifications—”

“I know, she would always work on it when Whatnot wasn’t around. I figured it was for today.”

His cheeks flushed slightly, embarrassed at the fact that his cousin was scrambling to help him look his best. “So why are you here and not at work?”

We both turned, slowly walking up the staircase towards the ballroom, “Fabricia told us all not to come in and to attend today’s ceremony. She wouldn’t tell us why— I figured Tigris would be here?”

Coriolanus just shook his head, his face blank with confusion. Before he could respond, a short girl with long black hair seemingly appeared out of nowhere, slipping her arm to loop with Snow’s. “Coriolanus! It’s about time the prodigy student showed up.”

Her eyes met with mine, slightly narrowing as she analyzed everything about me. I cocked my eyebrow at her, unwaveringly unbothered by her. Except for the fact that she was about to steal Coriolanus away from me.

“I’m sorry— I’ll find you afterwards?” Snow looked directly at me, an apologetic tone in his voice. Glancing over to the strange girl, I nodded, looking back up at him with a soft smile.

I found my way to an open seat just across from the 24 chairs that had been placed for the graduating honors Academy students. I watched as Snow sat down in the first row, looking around the room before eventually finding me. He smiled as I gave him a small wave, which he returned gladly. A faint sensation of butterflies began to arouse deep in my stomach at the acknowledgement. Damn it. The ceremony began shortly after, with Dr. Volumina Gaul seemingly having crawled her way out of her laboratory and in front of the podium to give an opening speech, before introducing Dean Highbottom. He stood amongst the sea of red dressed Academy students, speaking cryptically about the Plinth Prize and the Reaping Ceremony. Upon reaching the front of the podium he revealed the sudden change; the 24 honor students were to compete as mentors for the tributes as a last attempt to prove their worthiness of the Plinth Prize money. 

Gasps echoed throughout the room; mutters of protest and shock as everyone began to look around in desperation. My eyes were glued to Coriolanus’ face, whose jaw gaped ever so slightly in disbelief before looking up at me. I remained still; I didn’t know how to react.

Suddenly two large screens on the wall in front of the students clicked on, playing live footage of the Reaping ceremony. Boys and girls from each District appeared on screen as Highbottom read aloud the names of the tributes, and the student assigned to them. One by one, the tributes were handed out like livestock. I held my breath, terrified to hear Snow’s name, but it almost never came. Not until Highbottom arrived at District 12, assigning him to a girl by the name of Lucy Gray Baird.

My eyes narrowed at the screen as I watched her, analyzing the messily sewn, colorful dress that dawned her tiny figure. She had a natural beauty, but was covered in dirt and poorly applied makeup. She got into an altercation with the man who had just read out her name, which landed her a blow to the face, making her collapse to the floor of the stage she was on.

I whipped my head as the sound of a chair scraping against the floor alerted my senses, seeing now how captivated Coriolanus Snow was to the scene unfolding on the screen before him. Why was he so worried about her?

Anger was now the only emotion raging through me, or perhaps jealousy? Whatever it was, it was interrupted when a soft voice began to sing, echoing throughout the entire room. Everyone’s attention was back onto the screen, watching in a stark silence how Lucy Gray slowly stood back up as she sang some song. Additional voices from various District 12 members rang through before she screamed at the camera, extending her arms and taking a bow.

She is nothing but trouble. I looked back over at Coriolanus, but he didn’t return the glance. She can ruin everything.

[graciereadshannigram]

Five Star Fics: Hannigram Edition

hey fam, welcome to the inaugural roundup of the best hannigram fics i've read this past month! i read over 60 fics total, and these were the cream of the crop.

the ingredients for a five star rating typically (but not always!!) include some combination of a.) believable characterizations of both Hannibal and Will, b.) compelling plot and/or character arcs, and c.) high quality smut.

that being said, my judgment of the aforementioned ingredients is powered almost exclusively by vibes and as such, is incredibly subjective.

in no particular order, let's go!

~

Title: Veins As Fine As Rabbit Hair Author: lovetincture Word Count: 42,953 Summary: After their fall, the little yellow house Hannibal brings them to is a charmed space. It’s easy to forget there, when Will is in the mood for forgetting. In the Pennsylvanian woods, it’s easy as breathing to ignore the life he left behind. Simple to pretend they’re the last men on earth. Molly and Jack, the murder victims and the FBI seem farther away in the sea of tall, sweet grass—an echo from someone else’s dreams. That’s their life now: Will wants to forget, and Hannibal wants to let him. But reality has a way of asserting itself. No one can ignore it forever.

This was absolutely beautiful. And tender. And sweet. This is probably my favorite post-fall fic. I just get Will and love how they figure out their dynamic together. Definitely hit me right in the gut, but in a very very good way.

Title: Peccavi Author: Yggdrastiles (yoingle) Word Count: 30,067 Summary: After a terrifyingly vivid dream, Will realizes that he's going to need to pick a course of action, and the one he picks no longer involves betraying Hannibal. He knows he'll have to confess because if Hannibal were to discover the original plan on his own, it would tear them apart, and Will's not planning on letting him go anytime soon.

I'm a slut for a well-executed daddy kink, what can I say? Long enough to get really invested in the characters and top-notch smut. Nothing more to say here, folks!

Title: Demonstration Author: HotMolasses Word Count: 11,660 Summary: Will goes to a heat clinic a few days before he is due, to determine whether he wants to use the facility. But then he finds himself blindly following the scent of a delicious Alpha. Before he knows what's happening, he finds himself naked, bound, and gagged on an examination table that is being prepared for a medical demonstration, given by Dr. Lecter to a room full of students on how to properly treat an omega during heat. At first he is mortified, but Dr. Lecter's treatment soon has him enjoying himself to the point of begging for more.

This got five stars purely for the SCORCHING smut. If you're into the omegaverse and also enjoy exhibitionism, you'll enjoy this!

Title: Paragon Author: BloodyWar2411 Word Count: 552,462 Summary: When Hannibal met Will Graham (the man who had, three years prior, been mistaken for the Chesapeake Ripper), he expected amusement. What he got was his first taste of obsession. Dark and bitter in the back of his throat but achingly sweet on the tongue. He knew at once that this feeling, this Man, would consume him. And Hannibal would consume Will right back.

Need I say anything? I still don't have words for how much I loved this fic. The plot was excellent, well-paced, and I loved the characterization of Matthew so much! Bonus points awarded for making me truly understand the appeal of primal play.

Title: Realignment Author: HigherMagic Word Count: 23,120 Summary: Hannibal has a daddy kink. This was easy enough when he was younger - plenty of men were eager to take a pretty-faced, arrogant youth in hand. But as he got older, people started to see him differently, even though his own tastes and kinks never changed. He started to attract men who expected him to take the lead, and it just felt awkward to try and broach the subject. Then he met Will Graham.

As I said, I can't resist a well-executed daddy kink, but I was surprised to find out how much I enjoyed Hannibal calling Will daddy.

Title: Mark Me Not A Savage Author: KatherineKrawl Word Count: 401,953 Summary: When Will opens Hannibal's letter, it wakes something primal locked inside of him. He doesn't understand it, but what he does know is that he has to go to Baltimore hospital for the criminally insane, and he has to go now. Dear Will. He could still see the words, written in the curly elegance of Hannibal's hand, burning behind his eyelids. He breathed deeply through his nose to try and calm the unsteady flutter of his heart. A deep breath. One that clawed at his nose, one that penetrated his nostrils like a liquid, a smothering sting he felt intruding behind his eyes. One. Deep. Breath. And then it took him.

An INCREDIBLE omegaverse fic that convinced me hannigram was made for ABO dynamics. Not only was the smut incredible, but the author brilliantly incorporated their canonical mind melding and retooled it for the omegaverse. I think I also set a new reading record by reading this in under 48 hours.

Title: Kindling Author: gleamingandwholeanddeadly (something_safe) Word Count: 10,281 Summary: “You should take a date to your fundraiser." “Yes, perhaps you’re right. It would be improper to invite someone under false pretence, mind, and for my patient to understand, the evidence would need to be… compelling.” “Perhaps an ex-girlfriend,” Will says, unsure why the thought makes him feel flat and remote. “That would be incredibly inappropriate.” “A friend then. Someone you can explain the problem to. You could take-” “You,” Hannibal interjects. The words belly-flop into silence. Will’s mouth opens, and then closes, and then opens again. When Franklyn's advances of friendship become too much for even Hannibal to politely ignore, he enlists Will's help.

Another favorite trope: fake dating. This fic just had me giggling and smiling the entire time and I loved it. I feel moderately bad for Franklyn as a character and yet... I love when Hannibal and Will flaunt their relationship in front of him. Sue me.

Title: Nothing For It... Author: phenobarbital Word Count: 11,360 Summary: ...not thinking to consult Hannibal on the matter, Will went ahead with venting his anger and he thudded the headboard against the wall again, before pressing his lips together and letting out a loud humming moan, which he trailed off into an ‘aaah’ sound as he parted his lips. He didn’t even glance behind him, totally missing the startled and intrigued look on Hannibal’s face as he made another humming moan and thudded the headboard lightly again.

GOOD GRIEF. This fic left me UNWELL. In the best possible way. We love making homophobes uncomfortable, and if it leads to accidentally having sex? Oh noooo. Also, Beverly makes an appearance at the very end and she's great. Love her.

Title: Transcendent Suffering Author: itsbeautiful Word Count: 484,659 Summary: Blue eyes closed suddenly against Hannibal’s searching gaze, sucking in a breath, body going rigid. “You can’t say things like that to me, Hannibal. You cannot glorify the dark impulses inside of me and call them… beautiful.” Will stared up at the ceiling, head thrown back as if struggling to breathe, fragile and bending against the sound of his voice. “You can’t. You just can’t say them.” “Only the celestial moon and I have truly seen you bathed in blood, savoring the darkness, embracing your becoming, and I can assure you it was truly breathtaking.”

I can't remember the last time I read a fic that was as deeply gut-wrenching as this one. I cried. Multiple times. If you like incredibly well done, character-driven stories, this is IT. And the author also wrote some of the most romantic stuff I've ever read, ever. I will be processing this fic for the foreseeable future.

Title: Love Is What You Make It – A two part series! Author: orphaned on ao3 Word Count: 181,771 (both parts combined) Summary: Will and Hannibal make their way to Hannibal's safe house in New Hampshire a couple days after their plunge off the cliff and plot their next move, Will coming to terms with the fact that he is committed to it this time.

A twofer!! And oh my god this was TENDER. I am a sucker for fics that really explore Will and Hannibal's emotional journey post-fall and I think this did an incredible job of realistically portraying that, while still being indulgent. The first fic is very character-driven, and the second part is more plot-heavy. Both are so good! I found myself actively taking breaks just to make it last longer.

And lastly, the honorable mention(s)!

Title: Hannigram: Cuts Unscene -- Season 1 Author: DBMars Word Count: 71,097 Summary: Cuts Unscene is a Hannigram fanfiction challenge – to write one scene for each episode of the series where Will and Hannibal have some kind of intimate interaction that builds their romantic connection. These stories operate on the concept that they were scenes cut from the original episodes, and the attempt is to make them fit into the plot in ways that are as plausible as possible while still having a good ol’ time writing them. The devil is in the details!

Okay WOW, this is the first of four (one per season, and then an imagined season 4), and I am so deeply impressed with how the author made these truly feel like cut scenes from the actual show. The only reason I'm not giving a full five stars is because I want to actually rewatch a couple episodes and pause to read some of the cut scenes to really assess how well they fit into the overall plot. I'll hopefully have an update on this at some point in the future!

~

And that's all she wrote, folks! Feel free to let me know what y'all are reading and what I should read next :)

[archangeldyke-all]

hi!! this is my first time requesting anything on tumblr ever so bear with me. i know you write for sevika (which i love btw because your writing is magical) but could you possibly write something for ran? i haven’t been able to locate a single good fic about them in so long and it makes my heart hurt. they deserve so much more love than they get ☹️

it doesn’t have to be anything steamy (but i would love for it to be). you can have full creative liberty with this because i know for a fact that you’ll come up with something amazing.

if you’re not comfortable writing for ran or just don’t want to then just ignore this! :)

yessss ran needs more love!

a few things before i start: check out @abitohoney 's submit series! ran is a pretty prominent character (and in the latest part, ran and sev and reader are having a threesome EEEK!! so fucking hot.)

also, because ran has no speaking lines, and isn't even named in the show, these hc's are completely pulled out of my ass. it's just what i think they'd be like, with no contextual justification lmaooo. hopefully in season 2 we'll get to know them better!

ok here we go!

men and minors dni

first of all, i've never met someone who looks that emo/goth who isn't a total goofball. i'm convinced the most sunshiney, silly people also have the darkest, moodiest fashion taste.

so i think ran's a goofball.

always making jokes, teasing, laughing. total class clown vibes.

when they're crushing, though, they go completely silent. like, not a word.

you have no idea they're such a goofball for the longest time. you think they're all stoic and cool, but the truth is, they're just shitting themselves anytime you're around.

ran cuts their own hair. that choppy ass haircut? that's their own doing. no stylist ever gets it right.

ran's always playing pool in the show. so when you start crushing back on them, you ask them to teach you.

inside, ran is freaking out, but outside, they're cool, calm and collected.

they definitely do that thing where they stand behind you and move your arms with theirs. both of you are freaking the fuck out the entire time.

ran starts warming up to you then, though, because they realize that you're just as flustered by your closeness as they are.

it starts with little jokes and quips.

and when they get a good reaction out of you, a pretty smile and little giggle, they turn it up to a hundred.

they make a fool of themselves trying to get you to smile.

tripping over their feet in an effort to get your attention, always mumbling jokes under their breath for only you to hear, anxiously awaiting the muffled giggle that it pulls from you.

you start to suspect that they have a crush on you then. they're always trying to make you smile or laugh, and each time they do, their eyes are locked on your curved lips.

so you start flirting.

they blush profusely each and every time.

doesn't matter if you're gently touching their arm, or giving them a compliment, or looking at them for a few seconds too long, they've got the most obvious blush you've ever seen. they're obsessed with you.

you comment on it once.

"you look really fuckin' hot in that crop top y'know." you say one night, tipsy off a few drinks at the bar.

ran blushes bright red and takes a big gulp of their drink.

"and you're so cute when you blush." you add on.

ran sputters on their sip or alcohol.

from then on, they take their flirting up another notch.

always crowding against you at the pool table, helping you even though you know how to play by now.

constantly touching you, especially when they make you laugh. they'll pretend they're just leaning against you to laugh, but they don't take their hand off your shoulders afterwards.

the more time passes, and the more obvious your shared attraction gets, the bolder ran gets.

like when they make you smile, they'll reach up and gently trace their finger over the lines your smile causes to crease up in your face.

they'll press impossibly closer against you while your leaning over to play pool, practically grinding against your ass, no indication that they're flustered beside the bright red blush on their face.

and when you guys finally kiss, it goes something like this.

ran's teasing you relentlessly for a slip up you'd made, fumbling over your words at an important meeting. they're such a shit, and they're so cute as they poke at you and joke and tease, that you just have to shut them up.

so you dart forward and press your lips against theirs.

for the first time since ran's opened up to you, they're completely silent. their one visible eye is wide, and they're red as a tomato.

you giggle.

"where'd all those jokes go, tough guy?" you ask. ran blinks and gulps.

"holy shit." they whisper. you laugh and reach up to tuck their bangs behind their ear, admiring their exposed face, waiting patiently for them to get their words back. they blink at you with stars in their eyes.

and then suddenly, they're giddy and giggling, pulling you against their chest and wrapping their arms around you.

"you get that you're mine now, right?" they ask. you grin, and press another kiss to their lips.

"that's kinda what i was going for." you admit.

"nice." they say with a smirk as they swoop in to press their lips against yours again.

taglist!

@lesbeaniegreenie @fyeahnix @sapphicsgirl @half-of-a-gay @ellabslut @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner @shimtarofstupidity @love-sugarr @chuucanchuucan @222danielaa @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther @gr0ssz0mbi3 @ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess

[adorethedistance]

RollerMagic - Quinn Hughes x Reader

Hockey Masterlist

Warnings: mention of vomit, swearing, suggestive comment

Words: 1904

Requested: could you write about quinn pleeeease. had a dream last night: Quinn was in New Jersey for a Canucks and Devils game and went out with his brothers to a roller rink (?), met a girl by the candy machine (her candy had gotten stuck and he politely punched the machine to catch it) they spent the night talking (the two youngest Hughes looking for him like fools) and he invited her to watch the game and, soon after, a date; she said she would go to the game but would only accept the date if he scored a goal for her (he scored a hat trick)

A/n: Listen I don't know Quinn very well so I was not going for realism on this one. This is literally just my best guess at flirting with him but I truly don't know him enough to know if this is true to his character so I'm sorry for that! I've also just never done a Quinn fic before so first time for everything I guess?

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” I say to myself as the small pack of Skittles I’d just bought becomes wedged between the coils of the vending machine. I gently bang on the glass but the Skittles packet doesn’t budge. Utterly defeated, I huff out a soft sigh before dropping my head and staring at the fluorescent patterning of the Arcade carpet. Today is not my day.

I was late to work because of my car stalling, some kid puked in the middle of the roller rink and I had to clean it up, I left my lunchbox on the kitchen counter by accident, and now the only food that I had enough cash on me to buy was stuck in the vending machine. Could this day get any worse?

I lift my head, preparing to cut my losses, when I lock eyes with a guy who is probably around my age but definitely attractive. His wavy brown hair and soft eyes shimmer in the dim arcade lighting. He smiles at me politely and I smile back, too absorbed by my own infatuation to think twice about it. He glances to either side before making his way over. I panic internally at the idea of such a cute stranger heading my way, but I can’t bring myself to walk away.

“You doing alright?” The hazel-eyed boy asks upon seeing me in distress. 

“I’m great!” I fake being chipper as we both know the real answer. He laughs softly at the joke and I relax a tiny bit at the idea of making a good impression. “How much of that did you see?” I ask, praying his answer will keep my dignity intact. He hesitates for a moment before answering,

“Honestly? Everything.”

“Good. Good! This is good. First, I have a terrible day, and now a really cute boy has officially witnessed my latest and greatest downfall? This is just great.” I ramble out of intense nervousness.

“You think I’m cute?” He teases inquisitively. I search and scan my brain for a witty response to no avail.

“It was hypothetical?” I say though it comes out as more of a question than a statement.

“What’s hypothetical?”

“I don’t know, I was hoping if I said it with enough conviction that you wouldn’t question it.” The cute stranger apparently thinks this is very funny and heartily laughs at my confession.

“I’m sorry, I don’t think I got your name?”

“Y/n.” 

“Y/n,” he softly repeats my name, smiling at the way it sounds in his own voice. “I’m Quinn by the way.” Quinn extends his right hand politely, and the feeling of his strong hand in mine gives me butterflies. The shape of his palms and the length of his fingers. I wonder what it would feel like to have one around the base of my neck and the other in between-

“Nice to meet you, Y/n.” I blink rapidly to shake away the brief fantasy. God, it’s been a while.

“Uh, you too…?

“Quinn.”

“Quinn!” Quinn. “Quinn what?”

“Quinn Hughes.”

“Pretty good name.”

“Thanks, I guess?”

“Has a pretty good ring…” I pause, unsure of why I needed to tell him that.

“Have you worked here a while?” He asks, and my brows furrow in confusion.

“How do you know I work here?” Quinn laughs heartily before realizing I’m not making a joke. 

“You… you’re wearing a name tag and a t-shirt that says RollerMagic.” I close my eyes and wince at my own unfathomable obliviousness. I’m surprised he’s still talking to me with the way this conversation is going.

“Right. It’s been a long day.”

“Tell me about it.”

“What happened with you?” I ask, genuinely curious about the day of the slightly less unfamiliar boy. Not that I could even help the sudden interest. Especially when he looks at me this kindly and smells like icy sandalwood. 

“Also a bad day at work.”

“Where do you work?”

“Vancouver.” My jaw drops and Quinn bursts out laughing at the more than apparent shock on my face. I don’t laugh though, I just look at him bewildered, waiting for an explanation.

“Care to elaborate?”

“I play hockey.” “Like, for a living?”

“You could say that. Although it took a bit before making a living since I was drafted in 2018.”

“Oh shit, you’ve been pro since 2018?” He nods, surprisingly patient with my disbelief. “So you’re like, rich rich?” Quinn laughs at the question and concedes a little bit.

“I don’t know about that-”

“I know what sports contracts pay, my mom is a lawyer. Also, look at your watch. You can’t pretend and play coy when you’re wearing something that expensive.” 

“Touché. What about you? You never answered my question.”

“I’ve been working here since Freshman year so coming up on four years now.”

“You’re a student?”

“Yeah.”

“Where at?”

“Princeton.”

“Holy shit. So you’re like smart smart?” Quinn makes fun of me and I roll my eyes at him.

“Okay, I see how that sounds now. Wait if you’re from Vancouver what are you doing here?”

“We’re playing the New Jersey Devils? Ever heard of them?”

“No, I got that, you little priss. I mean why are you here as in why are you at a roller rink?”

“I don’t know. My idiot brothers were hellbent on going to an arcade.”

“Do they play for Vancouver also?” I ask playfully.

“They play for Jersey actually.”

“I was kidding…” After I trail off, Quinn and I begin laughing, the absurdity of the conversation continuously growing in magnitude. “But like, both of them?”

“Yep.”

“How did that happen?”

“You ask a lot of questions.” He states in a non-judgemental, yet amused tone.

“Only when someone is interesting enough to be worth interrogating.” Quinn smiles flirtatiously and I drop my eyes to the floor, shocked by my own boldness.

“You’re really cute,” He says simply, as if the very statement didn’t ignite every nerve in my body.

“So did Vancouver lose and that’s why you had a bad day at work?”

“No, just a rough practice. The game is tonight actually.”

“Good luck,” I say without any snark or playfulness. Just a legitimate regard for his success. Quinn is taken aback by the genuine care and he smiles brightly as a result.

“Thanks.”

“I’ve never been to a hockey game before.”

“Never?!”

“Never.”

“Well, then you’ve gotta come to the game tonight.”

“I don’t think I can.”

“Are you working late?”

“No, I’m off at six.”

“That’s perfect.”

“I don’t- I’m not-” I sigh, unsure of how much or little I should share with Quinn in this moment. “I can’t really afford a hockey game right now.” I put as simply as possible. Quinn pauses for a moment and then laughs softly.

“Don’t even worry about it.”

“...What?”

“Don’t worry about it.” I stare at him dumbfounded as if I’m stunned he could be so nonchalant like this. 

“There’s gonna be three of us from the same family out on the ice tonight and our parents don’t even live here. I’m pretty sure we can swing getting you a seat or two.”

“I can’t accept that. We just met and I’m not really cool with taking things from strangers.”

“Even if it’s a really cute boy with a sports contract?” He says jokingly and I drop my guard a tiny bit. I huff out a sigh, still feeling conflicted and slightly uneasy. Quinn picks up on the uneasiness and looks me in the eyes before softly saying, “Look, you don’t have to take me up on the offer, but it would be really cool to see you there tonight. Either way, it’s totally fine with me.” The lengths to which he is going just to ease my anxieties and ensure my comfort fills my chest with warm, radiant light and I smile gently at the level of consideration.

“...Okay.”

“Okay. Could I get your number to send you all the information you’ll need?”

“Is that the only reason you want my number?” Quinn looks off and shrugs a little as he admits,

“Well, I’d also like to get to know the pretty girl from the roller rink. And I was hoping I could possibly take her out on a date while I’m still in town?” My stomach erupts into a million butterflies and I hold out my hand to take his phone. He gives me the unlocked device after setting up a new contact. I brazenly decide I should keep Quinn on his toes, out of concern that he thinks I’ll make things easy for him.

“If you win tonight you can take me out.”

“Bro, what?”

“I’m serious!”

“Why? This is so childish!”

“No, this is serious, Quinn. I can’t date a loser!”

“Oh my god- okay, fine. If we win-”

“Win what?” A strange voice says from behind me. I turn around to see two other boys have appeared behind me and Quinn from seemingly thin air. Out of fear of more of them appearing, I lean back against the vending machine I was once sworn enemies with. Seeking shelter in the cool glass that’s been illuminated by LEDs.

“Nothing.”

“Is this guy bothering you, sweetheart?” The tallest one says and the one he’s standing with laughs. 

“Seriously, Q. We leave you alone for ten minutes.”

“I’ll meet you guys in the car,” Quinn speaks up, clearly flustered by their presence in this moment.

“Okayyy, don’t be long, lover boy.” 

“You’re on the clock.”

“And that was…”

“The idiot brothers I was talking about.”

“Right. Got it.” I’m amused if anything, but I can tell Quinn is struggling to shake off the encounter. Rolling my eyes, I extend my hand to him which he takes confusedly. Pulling him closer to where I’m leaning against the vending machine, he gets the idea and steps forward to close the gap between us. I didn’t anticipate being flustered by the close proximity, but as he steps closer he places his hand against the glass of the vending machine, above my head. His crisp scent is stronger and I’m grateful he took the invitation to close in.

“Anyway. If we win-”

“Mhm.”

“I get to take you out?”

“And if you lose?” I ask, challenging him. He takes a moment to think it over.

“I don’t know. What happens if we lose?” I mimic his expression from when he was deep in thought, before saying with a completely straight face,

“I kill you.” We both burst out laughing. I hate to think that I already like Quinn as much as I do.

“I guess I’ll make sure to win.” 

“You better.” Quinn backs up and the excitement I was having trouble controlling vanishes when I can no longer feel him near me. My subconscious urges me to be nearer to him and I push off of the vending machine as well. Quinn looks past me and I follow his gaze. He’s examining the Skittles packet that I abandoned, and in one swift movement, he hits the side of the machine and the packet neatly falls to the bottom. My lips part in shock and I’m amazed at how seemingly easy that was for him. He grabs the bag and holds it out to me like it’s no big deal, but I can tell he’s very proud of himself.

“See you later tonight then?”

“See ya later.”

***

A/n: hope y'all liked it and I've got a Jamie fic in the works so stay tuned!! Special thanks to the person who requested this !

[punkeropercyjackson]

I'm against headcanoning Percy as transmasc because it's disrespectful to Percy's character and offensive in general because Percy is a transFEM character.Within canon she was intended as a cis male,yes,but one that defies traditional manhood regularly by not being masculine in presentation,behavior or tastes and is textually a misandrist who thinks guys who ARE hypermasculine are gross creepy losers and frequently genuinely wonders what other girls see in them as a contrast to how enamored most female characters are with them for it and that's how a lot irl transfems are with dudes be they attracted to men or not but back on topic,Percy is 1.Justified in this mentality because almost every man she's met has been horrible to her(deadbeat birthdad,abusive stepdad,mostly male bullies,the first older male figure in her life she thought was good was a serial pedophile and fascist who groomed the kids she went to summer camp with into his soldiers and tons of male deities are really cruel to her and even innapropriate to an extent)and 2.Validated in it explicitly in TTC with the Zoe,Hunters of Artemis and Hercules subplot where she proves herself as being totally different from cis men and the 'exception' to how greek 'men' are rather than the rule.This applies to her human side too as she's nothing like stereotypical human boys either and this is constantly aknowledged and commented on and framed as what makes her the best hero in the franchise and most worthy of our protagonist

Percy also loves and respects women and considers them inherently better than men because they're women and says this in her narration tons of times and shows a big implied preference for either gender neutrality or strong femininity on herself too as she complains about having to present as extra male but never protests to girlyness and actually actively likes it.She shows (gender) envy to fem characters often and there's even a moment where she compares her relathionship with Nico to her acting like his mom-Not parental,she said she 'sounded like [my] mother'.There's some misc things also thrown in there that aren't solid proof but do help things come together like how sea motifs have so much femininity combined with 'The sea does not like to be restrained' and her blue obsession which is a 'boy' color but came from her mom and her being a punk with streaked hair and a love for burgers(haha)and eldest daughter and overall,Percy's so obviously wants to and should be a trans woman because it improves the story and would maker her way happier than being forced to live as a genderconforming binary man

Obviously Percy can be a femme man but that dosen't mean she can't be transfem too since i personally headcanon her as bigender with she/he/they/a hoard of neos pronouns pretty often and transmasc Percy/'positive and healthy and soft masculinity' Percy just dosen't.........do good for Percy's character and weakens it if anything because it dosen't suit her and goes DIRECTLY against who she is and turns her into something she's not i.e a normal man.Percy shouldn't have to be forced to be normal because to begin with,she's representation for neurodivergent people who're outcasts even amongst a lot of other neurodivergent people and it's just mean-spirited to us,'us' being audhd people and trans femmes both transmasc and transfeminine.Pjo fans who headcanon Percy as transmasc have a LOT of overlap with trans guys who say cruel things about femme tboys and he/him femmes regardless of specific orientation and gender and their transmisogyny i've seen so often is appalling

One time i tried to explain to a person who called TTC 'Percy Jackson and the Ra.dical Feminists' in their post that kept getting recommended to me was offensive because the Hunters are male explotation victims in-universe and in the og myths were a lesbian metaphor/slang for lesbians and Thalia's extremely tgirl-coded and even showed them the tweet by Rick where someone asked if they accept trans girls and he said yes and they tried to lecture me by saying ra.dfem has multiple meanings and that they meant 'misandrists' and tried to do a gotcha by saying i've hated on tboy Percy in the past even though I'M a tboy and they aren't and they were a fucking Apollo stan.This always happens,nobody who dosen't see transfem Percy understands the actual messages of the series or questions the bad ones or gives Percy her actual personality and story.And why is that?Because Percy IS transFEM and you need to overhaul her entierly to make her tme.Which is absolutely awful to do because she's the perfect character and the best role model neurodivergent kids could ever ask for.Transfems and trans femmes deserve Percy.Percy deserves to be herself too.Instead of what normie cyberbullies want her to be

[animatedjen]

Hi! So I am relatively new to the Jedi games but became so quickly and deeply obsessed, and seeing another user send you a headcanon has inspired me to share one too, because I have no one I can talk about this stuff with IRL, haha. I guess a warning that it's kinda nsfw (like, VERY mildly), so it's TOTALLY okay if you don't want to post this.

Ever since finishing the game I've been thinking so much about Merrin and Cal and how their relationship will change now that they've admitted and embraced the fact that they have feelings for each other. Part of me for a while was thinking maybe Cal had his "first time" with someone he met through the Rebellion in the five-ish years between Fallen Order and Survivor, but the more I thought about it, the more I felt that it would be more in character for him to uphold the part of the Jedi code that forbids romantic attachments. Like, he was just so focused on fighting the Empire that even when a slight interest in a person did arise within him, he convinced himself that it was not only against the code, but a distraction from the fight. So, he pushed all those feelings away.

This leads me to my headcanon that Cal's first time is with Merrin after the events of Survivor. While I don't have lots of specifics in mind as to when or how it comes about, I imagine that when it does happen, it is the softest, slowest, sweetest first time in the history of first times. I like the idea of Cal, this person who dives headfirst into everything and (as Cameron once said himself) "kind of likes to fight," just being incredibly thoughtful and deliberate and maybe even nervous about allowing himself to be that vulnerable with another person. Like, all these powerful emotions and powerful physical feelings would be overcoming him, and the sheer magnitude of it all would cause him to slow down and ask Merrin to lead the way, and he'll follow, so that he knows he's not hurting her or taking things too fast.

And Merrin, who is always ribbing him and teasing him and having silly banter about who's stronger, who's faster, etc., abandons all of that during their first time and is just purely kind, patient, attentive, and present with him, taking pleasure in taking the lead and cherishing the trust that he's put in her. And when it's over, I like to think they just lay together talking quietly for who knows how long, with Cal holding Merrin tight against him and Merrin tracing her fingers along his skin, maybe along his tattoo or his scars, while they tell each other stories and pretend like they'll never have to get up and leave this wondrous place <3

My offline Star Wars community is pretty small, so it's nice to have people on here to share ideas with :) So glad you enjoy the Jedi games!!

There's a lot of narrative weight to Cal and Merrin: the Nightsister massacre being led by a lightsaber (Grievous), the manipulation from Malicos, the Jedi views of attachment and dark magick. They're both survivors of a war that destroyed their families, and they take turns helping each other heal and grow.

Almost every main character in FO/Survivor is a foil to Cal in some way - but unlike all these fallen Jedi, Merrin looks to the future and finds new purpose while still honoring her past. I think that's something Cal really admires in her.

I love the trust and steadiness that they have together regardless of romantic attraction. Admittedly I haven't read Battle Scars and didn't go into Survivor wanting a relationship for Cal, so I may not be the best person to share intimacy headcanons with?? But I'm supportive of the story Respawn wants to tell, and recognize the weight/importance of their connection when it comes to Jedi 3. These tags on my recent post are kind of where I'm at:

Also Star Wars is very much lacking in the "healthy relationship that LASTS and no one DIES" department so if these two can break the trend, that'd be great 🙌

[hijinks-n-lowjinks]

Hi! For the WIP ask:

I'm sorry I gotta ask about and i've been tryin' not to feel it it's one of my fave JJK fics!

Specifically, how'd you come up with the overall concept and plot points in the fic? Is it inspired by anything from your own life experiences or solely the JJK source material?

Also: Is there anything in particular you keep in mind when you write Yuuji and Meg's characterization in the fic? Cuz you're one of the few writers who I think captures them PERFECTLY so tell me all ur secrets >:)

Thank you :D

Omg thank you so much, I'm so happy that you're enjoying it so far!!! This ask made me smile so big when I got it, this is exactly what I wanted to talk about for aibtntfi!!! warning, this will be a very long post lol. I'll explain further below the cut~

The overall concept was actually from me just daydreaming about what a regular itfs meeting would be life if they met in completely normal circumstances. I was still in college when I started writing this fic, and writing high school age setting feels unnatural to me now, so I just aged them up to make it easier on myself and more fun for me to write! This fic was also intended to only be a one shot, but..... then I thought of some cute little plotlines and rolled with it lol.

First off, I'm not gonna lie, I think a lot of jjk/itfs fics get them wrong—both their characterizations and their relationship.

I was determined to write my boys accurately, or at least as accurately characterized as I can imagine them being in a normal modern world! I couldn't picture Megumi being outgoing, or very willing to actively attempt to get to know anyone outside his current friend group, so I had to think of a way to get itfs to interact in a way that seemed natural and not forced.

Megumi has never been a problem for me to write. He's my favorite character, and I've loved him since the anime first started airing in 2020 and back then NOBODY gave a fuck about him (at least in my social circles). It felt like I was his sole fan, so I've always had a pretty good grasp on his character and personality due to having to defend my boy to the ends of the earth.

Something I've had to do to ensure that I keep him accurate is have little check ins. Whenever I write a chapter, I'll usually have a somewhat linear outline of what I want to put down, so I'll imagine if I could see canon Megumi saying/doing/thinking the same things as au Megumi. Obviously it's not a 1-to-1 (an au will immediate make a character different simply because of setting), but it does help!

For example, when itfs first met I couldn't imagine canon Megumi instantly fawning over him or getting googly eyes over him. That's just not my boy.

But I could imagine canon Megumi being slightly flustered and feeling mildly distressed when talking to a cute boy he just met and probably doesn't want to find as cute and interesting as he does. In a world where you can die on any mission you're sent on, Megumi likes having some feeling of control over himself and his reactions to things. That's why when he suddenly found himself inexplicably attracted to Yuuji for seemingly no apparent reason it distressed him; it's an emotion he doesn't typical find himself feeling strongly about and is more than likely in control of 24/7. That lack of control over his emotions is what causes him to begin to freak himself out and snap at Yuuji, becoming the catalyst for the entire fic.

Overall, Megumi is blunt, opinionated yet understated, responsible, petty, and he's kind of mean!!!! I mean that last one in the most affectionate way!!! He's constantly ready to insult or knock characters down a peg, but he's clever about it! He's a very emotionally complex character as well. He cares far more about things than he'd ever let on, and he's jaded as fuck. He has a very realistic (and slightly cynical) look at the world. He's extremely intelligent but has difficulty full expressing himself without wanting to put a gun to his head.

He's also a massive cutie! He's very quiet about his interests, but he does have love and passion for them. He adores his sister, unfortunately loves his friends and Gojo, and tries to maintain a level head and clear mind as much as he can while keeping a firm grip on what he deems realistic.

I also needed to imagine how the characters would have matured since I aged them up. 15 year old Yuuji does not have the emotional intelligence that 20 year old Yuuji does, and I needed to acknowledge that change. A 20 year old man should not be as immature as a 15 year old, not matter how closely you're attempting to maintain characterization.

Yuuji is much more difficult character for me to write. He's much more at ease with himself and the world around him, so it's a struggle to think of how he'd respond to others in different situations. Overall he's very understanding and sympathetic to others, but I think he also has a hard time knowing how to respond to them! With his older age in my fic, it was odd writing Yuuji with the emotional intelligence of a 20 year old because he just doesn't have that level at 15. That was a concession I had to make because writing 20 year old Yuuji that immature felt cringy and distasteful.

He's a silly guy! He likes to joke and mess around, but he's still capable of being serious. The balance between them is one of the harder parts of writing good Yuuji characterization, in my experience. A key part of his character is that he wants to be helpful. He's very easygoing and ready to provide assistance to anyone who might need it, sometimes even to the detriment of himself or others (in a damaging to their pride way).

The dynamic between the two is like gravity. There's something that somehow keeps them orbiting around each other no matter how hard one might attempt to break away from the other. They long to be near each other and don't know exactly how to define what they are to each other, they just are.

I can 100% get behind the idea that Megumi would be instantly drawn/attracted to Yuuji. That's more-or-less what happens in canon, so why would an au be any different? But the thing is, Megumi does not want to befriend Yuuji initially. He's civil with Yuuji, but he obviously doesn't care about being neighborly or getting on Yuuji's good side with the blunt-bordering-on-rude way he acts in the beginning of the manga.

I full leaned into that. I could absolutely see Megumi being irritated that he find this this stupid, kind, loud boy that he doesn't know frustratingly cute and I thought it would be a funny premise to get this little subtly tsundere boy to kiss a cute boy at the end of the night and get a boyfriend. That, in fact, did not end up happening and it instead stretched to them pining for each other for 14 chapters straight.

Yuuji is obviously far more outgoing than Megumi, so I had to play into that. He doesn't mind interacting and conversing with strangers, but he also doesn't really go out of his way to fully befriend them, so I needed another external force to really pique his interest in Megumi.

Megumi's resistance to chatting up with Yuuji is what draws the latter in. There's a deep curiosity engrained in Yuuji, because at his core he truly loves learning about things! I leaned into his curiosity for Megumi as a way to show that side of his character as well using it as a natural meet cute and spark.

When it comes to dialogue and interactions, I try to keep it as natural as I can! If I could picture a young adult have saying what they do or having a similar conversation then I know I've done my job! Repeating dialogue out loud or in your head REALLY helps. It helps your brain catch weird inflections or inconsistencies when just typing it out might not.

My final ace in the hole is my wonderful beta reader @kattythingz . They keep me in check for that sort of thing! They'll happily call me out if they think a line of dialogue sounds weird or that a character wouldn't say or act a certain way, and it's saved my ass over and over again. If you have people around you who are willing to read and can be honest about that sort of thing, then use them!!! You won't get better if people are sparing your feelings.

[glasswinggames]

They arrived!!!!

I love them so much!! 😭💕

Fun fact and some Glasswing lore all in one!

These three were the first ocs I made from Ever After (excluding Oliver who is an odd case!)

So Athy and Cai were the first two, and I'd already created them both, but they really ended up coming to life in an arcana rp server I joined (it's also the server where I met some of the best people and friends I love 💕), and originally they were so different that it's wild to me how they ended up changing. The original Athy was a lot more femme presenting and had long darker pink hair, didn't have much muscle mass despite being strong, and originally didn't have all the scars! (Enjoy some 2019 glasswing art comparison to her new design 😂)

I definitely love how she's changed over the years, and her design reflects a lot more of who she is now though.

The one thing that has always stayed the same is her personality. Fun facts at potentially inappropriate times, and also as a way of introducing herself, quiet unless spoken to, always observing her surroundings, obsessed with books and enjoying simple easy to eat foods, that she will offer to share with others as a way of showing she likes someone. She's always been given a lot of my own autistic traits, often without me even realising, but I think it's why I've always loved her as my first.

Cai on the other hand started with short black hair, which is honestly so strange to me now because I can't imagine them any other way at this point. I brought them into the rp as a friend to Athy who was also trying to use the visit as an excuse to increase their following, which is pretty on brand for them. Like they do now, they flirt for the sake of maintaining their facade, and act like they have no care in the world, except for maintaining flawless skin (there was a full spa scene where they were teaching someone self care 😂), but were secretly plotting behind the scenes. They've had some very dramatic and intense romances over their time rping, despite being my canonically demi character, but one thing that has never changed is how much fun I have writing them.

What I find funniest about Cai is that when I started writing more actively for Ever After I changed their backstory to just be about being a tyrant and wanting to take the throne and doing bad things to get there, and somehow in the end I've come full circle, back to the days of their rp backstory, and though I won't do any spoilers, their ambitions are now far greater than just the crown (as they should be). But I think their rp has really changed them from what I originally planned for them, which was to be this character who could never fall in love, to now being someone who doesn't think they can fall in love... but when they do they fall so hard and so intensely.

Then finally Helios, he was actually created during a completely different modern rp! With a completely different name, it's hard to believe he was once known as Lothaire. He suits Helios so much better! In the modern rp he was a lawyer of a very rich family, who was very morally upright and very much a stickler for the rules... just for him to have a ship with the most chaotic guy there was 😂 which I think has started this string of Helios being attracted to chaotic personalities. Other than his name, and me giving him contacts, he's been one of my most consistent characters, which in itself is in character haha! I always aimed for him to have that Mr Darcy like edge, and I'm doing my best to capture that for him! I think at this point, whenever I think of Helios I just imagine him as just forever exhausted with everyone else's nonsense, the one sensible person in a room of people running around setting fire to everything.

In my head I always group them together, and I think I will always have a soft spot for each of them, even if I know for a fact they'd all hate me for everything I put them through. I think it's one of those things where I can identify the traits or parts of myself I've put into them a lot more easily since I've been stuck with em in my brain for so long. Athy has my autistic traits, Cai was the character who allowed me to figure out my own gender expression, and Helios has my perfectionism even if it's to a fault.

If you've stuck it out with me so far, then I hope you've enjoyed learning a little more of the origins of my original three! And some Glass lore about how I started this vn journey of mine with an arcana rp server! 😂

Thank you for reading and sending all my love to you all this weekend!

[lanaevyssmoved]

i hope this doesn't come across as an attack, i'm genuinely just curious. on the one hand you say that a fictional character and headcanons for that character or actions/attractions towards that character is never cause for being mean to anyone, but also that people who headcanon astarion to be mentally young and still fuck him are weirdos. i just don't see how it's less 'problematic' to say that you find astarion sexier as an unhealed abuse victim/abuser so you're going to go the ascendant route than it is to say you find astarion sexier when he's mentally underage. both of those things are bad in that they'd be shitty to do to real people, but in the context of fiction i don't understand how one is fine and the other is weird or evil.

for what it's worth i agree with your astarion age opinions! i absolutely think it is weird to be attracted to someone you view as a child! it just feels incongruous with your other takes on fiction.

i think people romancing and sleeping with a character they are viewing as a child/teenager is strange, that's all. i didn't even say 'don't do this!' i just said it's "weird and sus", because i want to help people realise how they are sounding to others, who may instinctively judge them and possibly attack them. at the end of the day, i can't stop people for going against d&d lore for their own preferred headcanon, but what if they're misunderstanding? what if they don't know lore? what if they're just explaining themselves poorly? what if they're just not aware they're making themselves sound this way?

i don't put this on the same level as telling someone they are a terrible person because they say, ascend astarion or keep astarion as a spawn, since we're talking about him, and saying "bit weird you wanna sleep with someone you think is akin to a child". one of these could have dangerous connotations to real life, it could genuinely paint someone has a dangerous person.

i am victim of a romantic relationship where someone picked me because of my vulnerability. to share a bit about myself, i have abusive parents who purposely sheltered me from the world to control me. they did not even allow me to get a job, or to go out and meet people. i was told, from a very young age, that the world will hurt me and they won't understand me (because of disorders i have) and they will keep me safe. they never want me to leave. and thus i have mentally aged 'slower' than i should have. i shan't say more than that, but this person i met, and became aware of this, immediately sought a romantic relationship with me, which led to them using my lack of experience in life and lack of know to also control me, and continue to infantilise me and keep me as 'young' as they could. control my entire life, my money, what i do, where i go, what i dress, everything about me. i know how terrifying it is to be chosen by someone because of 'mental immature', being 'under developed'.

when i think of this, and think of people who choose astarion while viewing him the same way- do you know what i think? "do you realise how much of an abuser you sound like?" you are those people who choose someone due to how easy it would be to abuse them. so yes, i worry these people just aren't aware of how dangerous they sound. i word it like 'weird' and 'sus' because i would never target them with such harsh and powerful language, but i think that alone is enough to make someone think about it, maybe enough to realise they need to change how they talk about astarion, or adjust their pov.

i've had friends come to me in tears because someone attacked them viciously for a choice they made in the game, a choice available to everyone, a choice there because you are allowed to pick it. that they are legit a bad person to their core because they picked something in a damn game. this is no where near the same to me as wanting a sexual relationship with someone you think is mentally underdeveloped. they cannot be compared.

i hope this all makes sense and i didn't miss one of your points, admittedly i don't want to look at this any longer.

[petratherrock]

I think it was Miyazaki or something from Studio Ghibli that said, the presence of two people of different genders in a story don't always have to mean they're romantically involved, or sumn like that i know I'm paraphrasing by a Lot

I was watching Suzume today and yes her bond with Souta is adorable. They bonded with each other thru their journey and there's nothing like it when it's life and death but

The thing I've noticed with both Your Name and Suzume is there's barely any scenes or time for them together to show us that they actually have bonded romantically; Weathering With You on the other hand had plenty of that ig, since the two kids spent a lot of more time together

On the one hand it's funny because the kids in Weathering With You are younger than the characters in the other two movies, but them developing feelings romantically makes more sense

But on the other hand, it feels like it's a little forced for the other couple esp in Your Name; when could they've possibly developed feelings for each other when they've never met, and spoken only thru the limited time they had in each other's bodies? Did they develop feelings because ayyy it's a quirky situation so they've only got each other that understood each other?

Don't get me wrong, I gobble up the romance no matter what. I'm a sucker for that, it's cute and it doesn't matter if it doesn't make sense, because ig Makoto Shinkai's stories always rely on two people developing feelings when they've been thru the same weird 😆 circumstances--because they depend on each other and see each other a lot and they're very much thrown together to get thru it yada yada

It's just....i wish that the plot makes more space for us audience to believe it, rather than being like, hey ofc they love each other now !!!

Altho as a caveat, I'm not sure if Souta feels the same way for Suzume at the end, I love that Suzume didn't spell out her feelings for him because she's younger and a minor and she's probably shy about it but it's implied that she's become an important person to Souta. Girls get crushes all the time too; having a hot chair guy with a hot voice and hero tendencies is bound to be attractive lol i love Souta, he's s strong contender against movie! Howl hehe

I just wish Taki and Mitsuha's bond is written more like Chihiro and Haku since it wasn't as believable for me that they're romantic. Yes some of us would love it if Chihiro returns to the spirit world when she's older and they get together romantically, but the way it ended in the movie, we know that they had a special bond with each other even if it wasn't romantic; true love doesn't always have to mean it's romantic after all

Just some... thoughts. I could be wrong tho ik

Altho tbh my favourite of the three famous Shinkais by far is Suzume rn heh, with Weathering with You at the bottom lol

I may add, the believability of romance in all Studio Ghibli is quite 💯 to me. It's there. They wrote it in a way we know it is real (except Chihiro and Haku imo) (also someone mentioned that Howl and Sophie also had barely any time to develop feelings and I'm like you're right, it's like a greek tragedy, it's happening back scene???is that what Shinkais are depending on too?lol, and that makes movie!HowlxSophie a little less believable to me since then)

[cypanache]

Hi! What are some of your favorite Obidala headcanons?

So true confession time? I'm terrible with head canons. Or at least I feel like I am? Not sure. But if I reframe it as 'commonalities' in how I approach the characters in my writing, I can give you a few. Hopefully this is sort of what you're looking for ...

There was something between them first -- So far at least almost every Obidala story I've constructed, whether published or not, has an element where Obi-Wan and Padme met/connected first. Exactly what that connection looks likes varies greatly, but it's pretty universally there in my story telling and often a pivotal element of how they relate to each other. The only exception to this might be the Manny AU. I'm pretty sure they didn't meet in that one ... but stay tuned. (Interestingly this doesn't apply to my obianidala stuff ... don't know why)

They love Anakin -- This feels sort of obvious, but I'm still going to say it because it's so universal to how I write them and how they relate to each other. Much like point one the nature and character of that love and its impact on them is highly variable depending on the piece, but its so integral to both their characters and their relationship that "placing Anakin' in the piece is almost always on the first things I do when I'm spinning a story in my head.

They Fight -- My obidala can go at it. They're not mean, but they are principled and passionate and do not always see eye to eye. The result being ... they fight. Sometimes its just light sparring, but they can and do tear great gaping chunks out of each other because in many ways they see each other as strong enough to take it and trust each other enough to be honest in a way I don't think either quite manages with Anakin. But sometimes that honesty is ... explosive.

Their sexuality is flexible -- I rarely use labels in my writing or my tagging partly because I don't feel comfortable that I will use them correctly, but moreso because its not important enough to the overarching storyline to feel like a valid or necessary tag. But in my head both Obi-Wan and Padme are people who can and do become sexually attracted to the personality/spirit of an individual first and their physical qualities second. And that translates to having no strong preference as to gender when choosing a partner. I tend to write Padme as being more physically passionate and driven by a desire for that kind of intimacy and connection, where my Obi-Wan is a little more 'neutral'. He can and does enjoy sex, he's had it, and will have a one night stand if he feels a connection, or 'companionable' sex with a good friend (I have a scene upcoming in Trap with Quinlan that speaks to that as part of their history). But he's really not driven by it. He won't seek sex out for the sake of sex alone. What turns him on is the emotional connection. So the man could go months or even years and simply not have sex just because he had other things to do and there was really no opportunity he found that interesting.

Padme has undiagnosed ADHD -- So this is a very closely held personal head canon that I hesitate to share, but the more I work with Padme the more I feel like it fits. She's capable of amazing things. Principled and indefatigable are words that were coined for her. And yet some of her choices seem to make no sense. That impulsivity combined with her almost hyper fixation on Anakin and saving him. Then there's that incredible duality in RotS where she can feel competent and controlled and commanding in her professional world and yet at the slightest indication of Anakin's displeasure in her home life she seeks to soothe. That rejection sensitivity, along with that inability to truly understand/face that the 'someday' they've been trying to put off has come due ... that all feels very true to my lived experience/struggles, and while I'll probably never put it central to a story, those elements and character traits certainly inform some of how I write her.

Bail Organa is the #1 obidala shipper -- that man is such a stan ... really one of the very first things I wrote for Trap was to take the exchange between Obi-Wan and Bail in the cave during OWK and spin it with the idea that Bail knew about him and Padme ... it actually works pretty well. But seriously, if Bail shows up in my stories, I can guarantee you he will be pro-obidala

[soft-pine]

my mom kicked my dad out when i was six. from then on, the time i spent with my dad was mostly spent being dragged to the car at odd hours in the morning to get driven for hours and hours (he'd never tell me how long) to get to locations that weren't revealed until the end. most often this was old civil war battle sights where the gruesome photography horrified me and the feeling that i was walking on the graves of so many people haunted me. during the car rides, he would tell me over and over how torn up he was about losing my mom. how i had to help him get her back somehow. he would say how only i was there for him - and i would have to be there for him - and i would want to be. he was my dad.

in the evenings i would sit on a crappy little cot in whatever motel we'd pulled over at and watch him drink his nightly beer to help him sleep and listen to him talk about my mom. and how it wasn't fair he'd lost her. and how no one ever really supported him enough and everyone left him and only i was ever there for him and how i always had to be cause he didn't have anyone else.

he had a list of all the people who'd failed him and all the communities it wasn't worth spending time with because they were all fakes who couldn't be trusted. but sometimes still, he'd bring me to his strange friends falling-down split-level houses with cars sinking into their lawns and i'd sit patiently on gritty, smelly couches from the 70s listening to them talk about their grievances in the other room while staring at the sunlight trying to creep under the closed blinds.

both my parents were christians but my dad didn't believe in going to church because he said it was all full of fakers. but at my mom's church, they told me that it was my responsibility to try to save every single person i met. they made it clear that in every interaction i had, i had to carry the weight of that person's whole life - their soul - and make sure i did everything to convince them to believe in jesus so they wouldn't go to hell. and i did it. i didn't want them to go to hell.

both my parents were poor. and i remember how ashamed i was of wanting things or telling them because i knew they couldn't afford it. my mom tried to protect me from this knowledge but my dad always complained how he never had money. how he wanted to get me nice things but couldn't - how he wanted to get himself nice things but couldn't. he used to ask me to give him things i had so he could have them - as a joke, he would say. as a joke. i remember the day he took me to a jewelry store to sell the engagement ring my mom had returned to him. i sat and watched the watches spin in their little display case.

i always wanted to be a mechanic. i loved classic cars. their shape. their sound. when i was a toddler, i used to put a hotwheels on the couch cushions and then crawl under the couch and pretend i was fixing the car from below.

when i was 16, i dropped out of high school and got a GED. the future never really felt real to me. i could never really picture making it there. figured at some point i'd just /stop/. but i did really like baking & eating pies.

around that time, i also started writing fic. some weird cross-over shit with self-insert characters and no intended to be shared with anyone blah blah. but it was helpful to process my own experiences. eventually, the fic culminated in the revelation of an evil, capricious god who was trying to control the whole narrative - and specifically the protagonist's sacrificial-lamb-core, chronically-resurrected suffering - and had to be broken free from.

i'm gay but i didn't know and i got married cause that's what my family wanted from me and i didn't know and i thought something was wrong with me. and i loved them, i did. because love is very big and has so much room in it beyond sexual attraction but something was wrong. and i thought it was me.

and i've been so mad at my dad for so many years but if i think about this story he told me where these bullies broke the lemonade stand he built as a kid, i start to cry. every time. and want to fix it for him and want to fix it for him and want to fix it for him.

anyway then i watched supernatural.