#I've never cried so hard over a show in my life oh man

[reachexceedinggrasp]

After a long Doctor Who hiatus I finally watch season eight and nine. I just finished Hell Bent and everything you’ve ever said about it was so true. It was so beautiful and so tragic it’s hard to put it into words. Doctor Who has been my favorite show for years now and I’m really at a point where I just don’t want to continue, I’m happy where it ended, it just feels right to stop here. I’m an emotional wreck rn oh my God

Anyway, thank you for being the only blog on Tumblr who matters. You are a true inspiration for me and I hope you’re doing well!

Right?! It's a rebirth but it's such an ending. In amidst all the tragedy there's an uplift and an eternal, ever-burning hope, yet there's a kind of finality to that moment. Infinite possibility spreads out before the characters, but this window, our window, into their story has closed.

Thank you so much! 💕😊

[ponderingmoonlight]

hi, <3

I've been working for a week now, so I don't have time to send you ideas, but there are SO MANY in my head.😭😭😭 I do not know what to do!!!I think you've already guessed that I'm in love with Nanami's dad!! He's so cute as the father figure.Imagine that Kento and his wife had their first child (a girl) and when Kento comes home to his daughter and wife, he sees that his daughter is wearing a small bodysuit with the text “I love daddy” and Nanami just looks and is touched. DADNANAMIDADNANAMIDADNANAMI🤤🫦

Okay I cried my eyes out while writing this and the cover sent me over the edge 😭 But THANK YOU SO MUCH for that precious request my love, let me know what you think <3

Nanami's reaction to his daughter wearing a jumper saying "I love daddy"

Pairing: Nanami x wife!reader; Nanami x fem!daughter

Word Count: 1,3k

Synopsis: After the incidents of Shibuya and his wife getting severely injured, Nanami is relieved to know his new family safe and sound. A little suprise from his precious wife seems to be enough to make a grown man cry in joy though...

Warnings: cuteness overload, this had me balling in the best way, might be the comfort you need this is canon

This is like a spin-off to the "Haruta seeking revenge on Nanami's heavy pregnant wife" fic - just click on it to read it first!

To say the last few months were a trip to heaven and hell at the same time would be an understatement. Despite the horror the Shibuya incident caused, even though the attack of Haruta left both you and your precious baby to risk, you somehow made it all out alive. Kento, you and the little angel of daughter you gave birth to exactly one month after Shibuya.

“I’ll leave in five minutes, regardless of what you have to tell me afterwards”, he sends towards the man in front of him who is asking him for the hundredth time about the Shibuya incident.

Finally, this way too long day is over. A day without seeing you the whole time, a day without his little one by his side. Due to the fact that delivering your baby girl was rather difficult after the severe wound wasn’t healed yet, Shoko prescribed strict bed rest for you within the next few months. You are barely able to stand up on your own, let alone go to the toilet. Most of the time you lay on the couch with your daughter by your side, watching your favourite show on TV until you greet him with the brightest of smiles.

But even though every minor step causes you visible pain and it’s hard for you to be on your own, you insisted on him continuing doing his job. After all, somebody has to take care of poor Yuji when you’re not around. And since Gojo is gone, whole Jujutsu High seems to be an endless mess. Yes, somehow you did eventually convince him of leaving you every single morning. Even though he hates letting go of you after what happened not long ago.

“I will leave now”, he announces before grabbing his suitcase and walking away without waiting for an answer.

In the meantime, it’s hard for you to sit still.

“Come on angel, please hold still for a second. We just need leg number one, leg number two, and…There you go!”

Your eyes almost overflow with joy, just staring at the tiny jumper your daughter wears makes you feel emotional all over again. Kento worked so much these last weeks, making sure that especially Yuji feels better after all those things that happened to him during Shibuya. And the fact that you’ve got severely injured…You’ll never forget the look of horror on his face when you collapsed into his arms, Shoko making it just in time before everything went black. For the split of a second you thought everything is over, that this will be the last time you’ve seen your husband. Oh, how you begged Shoko to save the life of your unborn child instead of yours, how you held onto Kento’s hand for dear life.

But seeing that bundle of joy laying in front of you, giggling happily while kicking her tiny feet in her brand-new jumper…You have to read the words all over again, the simple writing that says “I love daddy”. You were mindlessly scrolling through baby stuff when it caught your attention, thinking about how your beloved husband would react to it. There was absolutely no way out of ordering it.

“Daddy will love to see you in this.”

Just the thought of how Kento will react makes you kick your feet too, smiling down at your giggling daughter. Even though every little movement sends a wave of pain through your entire body, you try to stay as positive as possible. The discomfort will go away eventually, but the joy Kento has gifted you with will stay forever.

You can sense him before he put the key into the lock right away, heart pounding so hard that it feels like jumping out of your body.

“This is out time angel”, you whisper into your daughter’s tiny ear before sitting up and staring at the door in sheer excitement.

Nanami’s heart skips a beat when seeing you, looking so adorable dressed in his way too big t-shirt and sweatpants.

“What are you smiling about, sweetheart?”

The second he lays his eyes on your flawless face decorated with that breath-taking smile, he is lost all over again. But by now it’s not only you who awaits him. No, next to you curled up on the couch lays the little bundle of joy that makes his happiness complete.

“I’m just so glad your back! How-ah…”

A minor groan escapes your lips as you try to sit up straight, Kento instantly rushing to your side.

“Hey, think about what Shoko said. No need to rush, we have the whole evening for ourselves, darling”, he gently speaks out, his hands caressing your back moderately.

He hasn’t seen it yet, the blanket on top of your daughter hiding the jumper very well from him. But you can’t contain your excitement any longer. For a moment, you’ll have to put your aching aside.

“Actually, there’s something I wanted to show you…”

Your husband tilts his head to the side, a tender smile creeping up his face before he can stop it. You look so utterly excited that he can’t help but wonder what you mean.

“I wonder what leaves you this excited.”

“Well, there aren’t many things apart from you that get me excited”, you reply with a sly grin.

“But maybe you should take a closer look at your daughter.”

Your heartbeat picks up even more as soon as he looks at your precious little angel, hand gently brushing over her tiny cheek. Slowly, he lifts her off the couch, blanket falling down and revealing her new jumper. You hold your breath, your husband’s eyes locked onto her body.

“I love daddy”, he reads out loud.

His smile widens, eyes turning glossy in pure admiration. Oh, how much he adores you, how much he loves you in every single way. Why does he suddenly turn this emotional? Why does the sheer sight of his daughter with a jumper saying “I love daddy” make him tear up? The last months were so rough on him, it was never granted that he’ll be able to hold his daughter like this while you sit next to him. For a few horrible seconds, he thought he lost you both.

But now you’re here. And you really think that he’s a good dad.

“Words can’t express how much that means to me…”, he mumbles, pressing his daughter against his chest and closing his eyes.

“Oh, I didn’t mean to make you cry love”, you instantly reply while getting up from the couch way too quickly.

Your husband catches you just in time before you fall back onto the couch, his free hand wrapped tightly around your waist while his daughter rests against his shoulder.

“You are the best thing that ever happened to me, (y/n). And to top it all off, you gifted me this beautiful daughter. You are so strong, I am so proud of everything you have done these last few months.”

His words his you in your feelings with full force. Despite the fact that you are a strong and composed woman, tears start to stream down your face like a waterfall while your gaze never leaves his. God, how much you love that man, how thankful you are for the fact that he survived. And for the bundle of joy that rests against his shoulder. You never thought your life would turn out like this, eventually. A snack of a husband holding you tightly in one hand while carrying your daughter with the other.

“I love you, Kento Nanami. That jumper says nothing but the truth”, you hush lightly.

Oh, Kento will definitely make sure of that.

“I love you too, sweetheart. And you, my little angel.”

Tags: @arehzhera @ploylulla @tzubaki @beatrexworld @kenstarsworld @dazaisdick @hellkaiserinphoenix  @lauv4chuuya @shadowfoxey @starlightanyaaa @sindela @kayleegomez @sunshine7queen @magalimachete @mokoartpost @gatitam @idontknow1123 @creative1writings @sanicsmut  @mynahx3 @sad-darksoul @chilichopsticks @hellkaiserinphoenix @chuyasthighs0 @ynackerman9499 @keepghostly @wxwieeee @lovelyluna1 @froufrousnowman @hidazinie @tomiokathedepresso  @gojosrealwife  @coffeeluvr96 @mahi-tamashi @weebotaku21 @chaoticwinnercupcake @lees-chaotic-brain  @risuola  @sugurulefttesticle @wordskeeper @baku2345 @polarbvnny @ruixrei @bam-bam-bam-bame-blog @lavenderdrxp @localhehecat @alicerhr @kayleegomez

[gleefullypolin]

My top 10 ships

I haven't done this in forever, and I was bored and didn't feel like working so.....felt like an appropriate thing to do instead.

My top 10 ships!

#1 Polin - Bridgerton

Did you really anticipate anyone else being at my top spot? Friends to lovers....Swoon! They have my heart, soul, and life. I literally love a girl who knows what she wants and a man who loves the fuck out of her like no other so this is like porn and comfort. Give me everything tonight and more!

#2 Captain Swan - OUAT

If you aren't going to give me friends to lovers, I'll move over to Enemies and find my kind because holy hot out of hell, there is nothing better than Captain Hook and his smolder winning over Emma Swan. Fuck that man can burn! Years after that show ended and I can still sit in them and ruminate and catch myself on fire.

#3 Clois - Smallville

There have been a lot of different Lois and Clark's out there, but none have been Erica Durance and Tom Welling. I've never been so happy and angry with a show in all my life. I used to wish so much against Lana Lang that I am embarrassed my own behavior. But I truly loved the banter and way these two brought these characters to live. It was marvelous.

#4 Reylo - Star Wars

Being a Reylo shipper was like being sentenced to death and hell all at the same time for many years. We were bullied, tortured, shat on, and then given everything we wanted in 30 seconds only for them to fucking KILL HIM after a sacrifice. I have never both smiled, cried, and then curled into a ball in a theater so quickly that I wanted to die before. Even my family ridiculed me. It was torture but I still live there. I still ship it and you cannot make me stop!!

#5 Fitzsimmons - Agents of Shield

The brilliant science couple put through so much that even they thought they were cursed. Pushed to find each other across time and space, kidnapped into a matrix, forced to fight one another, half the couple killed, duplicate versions of themselves, but champions of the hug, star crossed and so full of love. Friends to lovers, he fell first, she fell harder and GOD I LOVE THEM YOUR HONOR!

#6 Starpollo - Battlestar Galactica

A couple who knew how to tear out my heart, throw it to the ground, and then trample it with their feet to ashes. While Lee and Kara were not destined to end up together, they damn sure made it hard not to want them to find a way. They truly loved each other more than anyone they were with in the show, but guilt always found a way to fuck that up for them. God it hurt to love you two.

#7 Romanogers - Marvel Universe

Let's talk crack ships because oh how they break your heart. But it is glorious. This one is mine. I will forever love Nat and Steve and I will live in the space and time that they were on the road together living their lives without a banner. Because you can't tell me what they got up to! I refuse to believe you! But let's not talk about how it all ended because my heart still hurts and I don't like to talk about it!

#8 Finchel - Glee

Since I'm already ripping my heart out, let's go all the way with it. Finchel has always been that ship that tears my heart to shreds. I was all in from the characters to the actors and I'll never honestly get over it. I'll probably always bleed Finn and Rachel, Cory and Lea. And I'll never be able to talk about it to normal people. It was something I lived, breathed, and honestly part of me died with. So I think that's enough of that.

#9 Caryl - The Walking Dead

You can call this whatever it is, some say crack ship, I say...otherwise. It's my ship of ships for TWD. It's my coming home ship. Because that's what they are to each other. They are love. No one tell me otherwise, I live there, I love there. So do they. Deal with it.

#10 Roschel - Friends

Look, say what you want, but I stayed home on Thursday nights just to watch whether they would or wouldn't. Nothing grabbed me like these two. They were lobsters, they were on a break, I didn't give a fuck what it was, only that they had me in a chokehold and that's what I realized what shipping was. Because dammit, I wanted whatever feeling it was. And thus the 9 people above because the passion I sought. So bless it, they needed to be here.

And there you have it, my top 10 ships! Hope you enjoyed! Feel free to add your own :)

[sanemisstalker]

!spoiler!

hey, I saw your requests are open, so here we go...

imagine rengoku and y/n had a 'friends with benefit' relationship before he passed away, but then he comes back 2 years after his 'dead'.

as half demon.

he's sitting in front of your bedroom window one night and you can't believe your eyes...

he tells you how much he missed you and that his love for you grew stronger every day (soft human ren) but when he smelled that you let giyuu touch your body... oh dear

he shows y/n who she belongs to..(rough demon ren) his other half taking over and fucks y/n so hard and good to make it clear that she belongs to him. only him.

👉👈 hf <3

You deserve the most INSANE head for this concept oh ym fucking god. Oh my fucking g o d. I went delusional when I saw this last night.

CW/ Fem reader, AFAB genitalia, Breasted /Rengoku briefly mentions Suicide/ SPOILERS FOR THE MANGA......../ Giyu's life is on a clock/ Possessiveness/ BDSM Dynamics (mutual ownership)

-I can imagine how the news would've stricken you in specific. How muted it must have been. Day in and day out of hearing the cries of people much closer to the flame pillar than you could ever hope to be.

-You weren't his brother, you weren't his father- You weren't any of the young men that watched him pass- That had to stare at his, apparently, mangled corpse for hours, awaiting help in the uncomfortably hot air he left in his death.

-Hell, you weren't even a hashira yet. You just... knew the guy a little too intimately. Just enough for it to hurt more than you felt you deserved.

-It's not like he was going to marry you, or even ask for a partnership. They hadn't found a ring on his body in some grand last appeal-

-He wasn't even thinking about coming back for you-

-and it had felt that way for a while, now. You weren't counting the days, but you knew his birthday had passed twice. You hadn't quite remembered yours, but his had come and gone.

-Rengoku always remembered those kinds of details though. He was pretty big on the little things, so much so that he considered no thing too little.

-When the ex-water hashira had dropped off a small gift, courtesy of himself, you were partially confused. You hadn't known Giyu inherently well, nor did you think he paid you any mind.

-'I've been looking for your home for a while.' He'd hand you the gift. 'It was... hard to find.'

-'What is this for?'

-'Your birthday.'

-'It's my birthday?' The question came out more pathic than you'd hoped.

-'I- this may seem invasive... but... before his death, Rengoku had mentioned the date to me in passing. I had to ask around to see what was so important about it.'

-'He mentioned my birthday?' God, you were just full of pathetic questions, it seemed.

-'The... anniversary was just last week...' He was clearly stumbling.

-'I- maybe it's because my years are... numbered... but I- I wanted to put forward his kindness. I was too in my own head to do so while he was alive. Please open it before I say anything else.'

-It was a button. The top one of the demon slayer uniform.

-'I don't want to make any... assumptions about you and Rengoku, but I know, at the bare minimum, he was fond of you. I think he would've wanted you to have something of his... He left most of his clothes to his younge-'

-He'd begin apologizing profusely when you'd start sobbing. You'd collapse into his arms, clutching the box to your sternum and just wailing- A wail you hadn't known Kyojuro would even think you'd be worthy of.

-But Giyu thought you were worthy of it, and Giyu was the only one here right now. You cried in his arms for what felt like hours. You couldn't remember the last time you'd let somebody hold you- let a lone a man.

-His smell was cathartic. Like rain.

-His kiss meant nothing. Neither did the tear filled sex. Giyu was a dying man who'd done an inexplicable kindness. You got to pretend he was there, Giyu got to experience a warmth he'd never been rewarded for throwing a life away.

-You did not want Giyu to stay over in your bed, and thanked that button on your nightstand for his absence when you awoke in the dead of night.

-but Kyojuro remembers the little things.

-And you remember those loud eyes. They were perched at your window seal.

-You blinked once, twice-

-and then his face started to form in the darkness, and you were sure Giyu must have brought some ailment with him, because no. Not your Kyojuro, it must've been a delusion. Or maybe the original wasn't really dead-

-The way he said your name was undeniable. Past the buzz of the cicadas, and the huff of the wind.

-'Y/N.' The man said.

-'K-Kyojuro?'

-'Y/N!' There was palpable glee in the air, radiating from the man that claimed to be Kyojuro Rengoku.

-'W-who are you?' You'd croak.

-'...I'm Rengoku Kyojuro?' He'd respond softly. 'It is dark in here, I suppose. I'd meet you in the daylight if I could. I'm... not able, though.'

-How love stricken you must've been. At the mere chance that it was even partially him, you were bounding into his arms. You ignored the clear horns on his head, and bizarre markings along his neck. The undeniable smell of fear wafting from him-

-It was him. You knew even God or the devil himself couldn't recreate his warmth.

-It would take everything to remind Rengoku of his enhanced strength. The feeling of your body in his arms was heavenly- He'd only felt this elated maybe once before, in his mother's arms.

-'I missed you so much. Y/N, you will... Oh no, you're crying. You can't, or I'll cry too.' But he's already crying, afraid of his new found strength, and far too happy to see your face in the moonlight. Even if it's full of tears.

-'Sweet, and beautiful. You're just as striking as when I left. You look so tired... you've slept, right? Please don't tell me you've laid awake for me?' His heart ached at your nod.

-'I-I didn't deserve-'

-'Shshsh-' His hands would run through your hair. It was the first time in so long you'd felt the weight of your body- how slow you moved. 'I should never keep you so restless- come, sleep- sleep-'

-As the high of the night wore down, and Rengoku lulled you to bed with 'I love You's and the like, he felt at peace-

-But the smell of rain on such a dry night was aggravating his nose. He'd know that smell anywhere.

-Rengoku had formed a rather unfortunate temper since his supposed death. Not that he wasn't the same, fiery man at his core, calm, booming voice and all, but something he had never struggled with was the trade marked Rengoku male hot-headedness. (He'd always found his fathers decline in pride more than a little unsightly.)

-And he now struggled with it. Kyojuro had spent the last two years burning every unprompted shred of anger away so he could stand before you now as the same emotionally intact and strong man he'd died as.

-The one he hoped you loved.

-He'd sooner take his own life than take something out on you-

-but that smell.

-When you woke up, he questioned you as gently as he could.

-'Why do you smell like... water?'

-Your admission wouldn't be easy, but you couldn't lie to the man. You'd begin crying again, begging for forgiveness. He'd pull away to look at you with pity.

-'No, no- I'm the one that left you alone for so long. Don't apologize for my faults-' His hands would begin a slow decline down your body, tugging you closer by your ass. Your face would land squarely against his bare chest...

-And his hands- those big, all encompassing hands would move up your spine, to the nape of your neck.

-'Y/N, I'd like to address the elephant in the room.' He'd mumble against your temple as his hands wandered along your frame.

-'You're... You're not entirely human. I understand that.'

-'I... am not entirely right, anymore, Y/N. I want to warn you of that...'

-'I would...' hope, the thought briefly flitted in your head. Though clearly a travesty, Kyojuro had often waited for you to make the first move. The sudden interest on his behalf was more than nice. 'I would... assume.'

-'I don't want to harm, or scare you. Please don't let me do either. If I ever even- begin to... Behead me where I stand.'

-'I-I couldn't-' You'd shudder.

-'You can.' Rengoku would assure. 'I've developed an awful habit.' He'd be squeezing your hip, massaging just rough enough to rock you. He'd pull your leg up and over his own... Slotting himself between your thighs.

-'Y/N, did you let him cum inside you?' The word felt foreign on his tongue. How crude of him.

-'N-no!' You rushed.

-'Did he make you cum?'

-'....No.'

-'Mmm.' Rengoku hummed, his large hand running up your thigh. You quivered as he made contact with your sex. 'You haven't had one in a long time, then.' His fingers would slip past your gown, and pull your garments to the side-

-'I- I haven't. It didnt..didn't... feel right-'

-'Nobody can make you cum like I can, right, Y/N?'

-'Nobody.' You rushed. Your body was reeling from his touch. The mere possibility of his cock once again battering your insides was--

-'And this...' One of his fingers would slid into you, your insides still mushy from Giyu's use. 'This is still mine, right?'

-'It's- It's a yours. It always will be.'

-'Even in death?' Rengoku whispered against your temple.

-'For forever- For as long as you want it-'

-'You're my strong girl, right?' You'd nod. You'd be his anything. 'And this,' He'd add another finger, curling them inside of you.

-Part of him was pleased, you were all stretched out and ready. Giyu must have done you well....

-Giyu had no right to do anything with you.

-'This wants your cock?' He'd ask. You didn't even think before nodding. You'd never heard such words from his mouth.

-How daunting

-You'd cling to his bare chest, trying to just get closer. 'Say you want it.'

-'Give me my cock.' You'd slur. 'I need you. I've needed you. Please- please- I need you to let me.... Use me- I-' He'd already done you in, and he hadn't even tried.

-He could never turn you down. Especially not now that he was so much weaker.

-You stayed laying down, your body pressed against his broad chest- And Rengoku slipped his cock beneath your gown. He didn't bother removing your panties.

-He didn't even let you adjust before he wrapped his arms around you tight and just began pumping.

-How cruel, but it was the least you deserved for allowing another man so close. Rengoku would never punish you for it. He was too kind. He was too good, even when a demons blood crept through his veins. Rengoku was just too fucking good-

-'You're-' a hiccup would interrupt your sob. Words were lost on your poor, over fucked mind. You'd never experienced such speed, or such a grind. 'So- good- Kyo-kyojuro---!'

-His hand swiping at your clit was quick enough for it almost feel like vibrations. Climax after climax while your creaming cunt just begged for his seed.

-You felt like you were being consumed. He didnt break eye contact with you once- Not even allowing you the reprieve to look away from him.

-'Open your eyes.' He cooed, still thrusting up and into your pussy with a roughness that seemed almost impossible with such a tone. 'Look at whose loving you while you cum. Look at whose making you cum.'

-He wanted your eyes on him, and him alone. He wasn't sure what animal he'd become if they drifted away. You wouldn't. You can't.

-He'd never been so possessive. Had never claimed you- He had never really wanted to. Marry you, definitely. Kyojuro had never planned to bed you and not dedicate his romantic life to you-

-but you were always supposed to be able to leave, if you really wanted. He wasn't sure he was strong enough to let you do that, now.

-'Say my name again. Remember whose you are, Y/N. Burn it in your head.' He hissed, an unusual quiet to his voice. It made you hang on every word.

-You were his. He was yours.

-'Kyojuro! Kyojuro!' It was all you could manage. Every question he posed, every time he hummed, or thrust, or made you cum- You'd let him seer in across your stomach if he found fit-

-Rengoku had never loved his name so much. He'd make sure to burn it in your head again, if need be.

[wen-kexing-apologist]

Top 5 biggest losers in BL (interpret as your heart desires)?

Oh wow! What a completely unanticipated, out of the blue question ;P

When I call a boy a loser, I mean it with the upmost affection. Loser friendships, loser fist pumps, loser boys. They are the nerdiest of the nerdy, the simpiest of simps, the ones without any fear of embarrassing themselves. SO!

Akafuji in I Became the Main Role in a BL Drama (aka BL drama no shuen ni narimashita: crank up hen)

screenshots from @sparklyeyedhimbo

Akafuji is so desperately obsessed with his costar and is trying so so so desperately hard to be normal about it that it is actively fucking hysterical. He looks constipated constantly because he's so stressed out about acting not normal around Aoyanagi. And he's swooping in right at the end of the year to claim this title.

Im Han Tae in Sing My Crush

gif by @dramascene

He's so in love with Han Baram it's embarassing, and he doesn't know it for so long. This boy got in a fight with Han Baram, stormed out of their shared apartment saying he'd never be back, cried over a bowl of noodles at his mother's house, and returned to his apartment within 4 hours. Look at him. He is a loser. I am obsessed with him.

Ten in Cooking Crush

I think this is the first comedy I've seen Off in and he is very fucking good. Ten is such a fuckin' loser he's having animated hallucinations about food he thinks tastes good, and he decided the best way to show Prem he wasn't interested in him romantically was to agree to go on a date with him.

Yai in The Sign

gif by @raypakorn

He got shoved by a perp and was down for the count, he trips people and knocks them over for his bestie, and he is way too involved in getting his friends to fuck. The only way he could be more of a loser is if he spent time with two dolls with Phaya and Tharn's faces on them and made those kiss. Which is essentially what he is doing with the real life versions

Phupa in Our Skyy 2 x Bad Buddy x A Tale of a Thousand Stars

gif by @gunsatthaphan

This man is a Forest Ranger, he is trained in using fire arms, he is got bullied so hard by one college kid, and so thoroughly seen by another that it broke his internalized homophobia in like...three days.

ASK ME MY TOP 5 OF ANYTHING BL 2023

[gaoau]

Stir & Tingle – It’s Been A While

A Mother's Instinct warnings — spoilers for...? the very last chapter of haikyuu? yeah. that one. word count — 4.0k

prev.

The chime of the doorbell rang above the clatter of dishware and clinking of brimming glasses. Yamamoto eagerly darted towards the front door of Kenma's house, slinging it open to reveal more guests. He made sure not to spill any alcohol from the cup safe between his fingers.

Standing with cheeks flushed from the cold, [Name] and Inuoka halted their chatter to smile at him. Inuoka had retained his high-school energy and used it to grin widely at his upperclassman. [Name] chuckled at his enthusiasm, the simper on her lips peeking from underneath her scarf. She waved at the stupefied Yamamoto.

The cup almost slipped from his fingers at the sight before him. [Name] and Inuoka. Inuoka and [Name]. The cogs in his head squeaked as they struggled to turn.

"Tora? Is everything okay? Can we come in?"

Yamamoto blinked. Once. Twice. His brain finished processing the information. He staggered back while pointing an accusatory finger at the pair. "You! You two! What are you doing, [Name]-san?! Inuoka, you know she's a married woman!"

"I'm not? Am I?"

"How dare you betray all of us like this?!" he continued on, completely ignoring [Name]'s questioning frown. "What will Yaku-san say about this?! You'll kill him! How dare you do this to him?!"

[Name] shared a nervous glance with Inuoka. They sighed in unison as Yamamoto cried out about you're even in sync! Pushing past the man spilling his drink on the genkan, the duo excused themselves inside—still in unison so as to not make it any easier on him—and removed their shoes. The door slammed shut behind them.

They entered the room chuckling together at Yamamoto's frantic reaction. All eyes snapped towards them. Sharp and analytical and flabbergasted. Shibayama stopped breathing for a minute.

[Name] beamed at her old friends. Seven years change people so much but at the same time so little.

Kenma's hair remained untouched at the routes, fading into the blond tips she had helped him bleach. She convinced herself he couldn't bring himself to chop them off because they were her hard work. Shibayama and Teshiro kept their youthful appearance, yet grew into mature men with handsome features. Kai's smile had somehow become sweeter, his peaceful eyes even more welcoming. Boy, did she miss that man.

Some faces were missing. The troublesome, two-meter underclassman. The cunning and loveable captain. The king of comedy himself. And, of course, the confident man she loved with her whole heart.

[Name] held back her tears. She could save them for later, when she knew she wouldn't be able to stop the waterworks. "It's so good to see you guys again! I've missed you all so much!"

Shibayama was seconds away from passing out. Inuoka reminded him to breathe and he blinked back to life. His mind didn't want to believe the sight in front of him.

Kenma sighed when nobody answered to [Name]'s greeting. "Care to explain why you two are showing up together?" He didn't particularly care, but it didn't sit right with him either. There was no way he had sat through two years of his upperclassmen pining after each other just for this.

"Wait, what?" Inuoka found [Name]'s furrowed brows with his own. "We thought we'd come together since [Name]-san was already at my place."

[Name] nodded in agreement. Teshiro kept Shibayama from slamming his forehead onto the table. It was Taketora's yells of distress—I'm so sorry, Yaku-san, they have no shame!—that helped her understand everyone's disgusted grimaces.

She gasped, whipping back and forth between Inuoka and her friends. "Oh my God, no! No, no! You got it wrong! No, we are not dating. I would never do that to Mori—Nobuyuki, where's your trust?!"

"Sorry, [Name], it caught me off-guard, too." With [Name]'s glower switching over to him, his patient smile didn't waver. A collective sigh of relief resounded in the room.

[Name] couldn't help the cackles slipping from her mouth. Her body vibrated with glee as she crashed into Kai's arms before anyone else's. "I'm offended, but I'll overlook it because I missed you. Just this once, though!"

Kai chuckled, his laughter blended with hers. Almost as if time had never passed, as if they were still in high-school and enjoying the study sessions at Kuroo's home. For a second, she didn't want to let go.

But Kai pushed her off of him before she could start thinking too much and triggering her tears. He patted her shoulders, shaking his head at her glossy eyes, and prompted her to go greet everyone else properly.

First, the thankfully alive Shibayama, followed by the forever-stoic Teshiro, and then a stingy Kenma. She made sure to hug Yamamoto with all the strength she could muster as compensation for the earlier heart attack.

"Fukunaga's in the kitchen," Kenma mumbled from underneath his hoodie.

[Name]'s eyes glimmered. The king of comedy himself. She didn't know where the kitchen was. "Shouhei!" she hollered, "Hi! If you can hear me, clap once! If you can't, make it twice!"

Two claps reached her ears. She grinned to herself, bursting into giggles.

Kenma felt her attention return to him as he regretted his life decisions. He stared blankly at her with a cocked brow. Her laughter had stopped, but the beaming expression on her face brimmed with excitement. Oh. Yeah.

He sighed and rose to his feet. [Name] would combust any second. "How's my little baby boy doing?" she cooed as she followed him into his house. Her tone lilted with joy.

Kenma flicked the lights on. At the back of the room, ignoring the usually more interesting PC set-up, Gilbert waited patiently for her inside his terrarium. 

[Name] squealed, "Darling! I'm back, sweetie!" delighted, and rushed to hold the reptile in her arms as she had done when he was only a child. Half of his life had gone by, but she was definitely spending the rest of it by his side.

Gilbert gladly slithered onto her arms and around her neck, posing as a cold-blooded scarf for the Fall. He hissed in what [Name] interpreted as a welcome home. Kenma was relieved people would stop asking to see the snake on camera.

It was a relief that nobody really minded snakes—not that they could after [Name] spent her days reciting the same powerpoint presentation, Why Snakes Aren't That Bad, You're Just Cowards. Nekoma had to accept Gilbert whether they liked it or not. And yet, she hadn't expected them to brighten up at the sight of the reptile.

Kai scratched Gilbert's head with this finger as [Name] settled down beside him. Teshiro handed her a drink to get her night started, patting the snake and nodding when she thanked him. "So," she began after a sip, "where's Morisuke?"

Her friends froze. "Shouldn't you know best?" Kenma stared at her.

"I've been busy." She used her head to motion towards Inuoka. He grinned.

"Don't worry about it." Kai placed his palm on her shoulder. "He's arriving today." He could feel her vibrating under his touch.

Yamamoto popped his head into the room, his hands busy with a tray of food. "Sure we don't need to go pick him up at the airport?" He left the food on the table and disappeared to the kitchen, calling, "Hey, Kenma! Get out here and help!"

"I'm already helping by providing the venue," Kenma grumbled in response. He sank lower into his seat, wrapping his body with his arms to make himself more comfortable.

[Name]'s grin remembered the times she had heard her friends bickering. All those instances she would join in, siding with Kenma to stick her tongue out at Yamamoto as he fumed. The things Fukunaga would blurt out with the straightest face and how she would burst into high-pitched cackles while falling to her knees. She had missed them so much.

Kai chuckled softly and tugged her out of memory lane before her tears ran her over like a car. "Don't worry, he said he wanted to stop by Shibuya first before coming here."

Yamamoto returned with even more snacks. For an athlete, he sure threw salt around like it was holy water. "Why Shibuya?" He cocked a brow as he settled down. He didn't need an answer anymore when he exclaimed, "Oh! That, huh!"

"Yes, indeed. That."

"Russia, huh…" Inuoka sighed dreamily, "I wanna go there someday." He pumped his fist, filled with goals and ambitions. He pulled out of his daydream with a smile, turning towards [Name]. "But [Name]-san, shouldn't you be picking him up?"

[Name] blinked in surprise at the unexpected question. "Uh. Why me?" Her cup almost slipped from her sweaty fingers.

"Aren't you guys dating?"

Oh. Of course. With the Inuoka incident cleared up, it was pretty obvious that [Name] and Yaku had been together ever since their first kiss at the airport. It was a given.

She laughed and avoided Teshiro's steely eyes awaiting confirmation. "Well, no… We never established anything. It's not like we could do long distance, anyway."

"But you're still best friends, right? I'd want to see my best friend first thing." Shibayama's bubbly voice spoke only reasonable truths. So much so that everyone present agreed with him.

[Name] set her cup down with a knock. She trained her sheepish gaze on the snake around her shoulders, scratching his head for a sense of comfort. "He, uh… I didn't—He doesn't know I'm here…" Her words died into a hesitant mumble.

The room quieted down instantly. [Name] shrank in on herself, feeling thousands of cat eyes stabbing into her even if there were only six people staring at her in disbelief. Her lips pursed, embarrassed.

"[Name]… What…?"

"I told him I couldn't make it, that I was working in Hyougo for an agricultural project…" It was practically impossible to hear her. Gilbert's faint hisses were so much louder than her voice.

Kenma cradled his head in his hands "…Why would you do that?"

She cleared her throat. "I panicked? I—I don't know, okay? We haven't—we haven't seen each other face to face in years." Now audible, she trembled and tripped. Her eyes glazed over with anxious tears.

"And you thought meeting at Kenma's house was the best idea?" Tora cackled at her expense. He set off a ticking time-bomb with just one raspy chortle.

[Name] straightened her back in one sharp movement, startling Gilbert and making him run off towards Kenma beside her. A glowing blush spread over her cheeks, and it was certainly not the alcohol. "Better than getting whiplash from looking him in the eye without any moral support! Have you guys seen him?! What happened to his hair?! Who gave him the right?! I can't handle that all on my own, I'll crash the car!"

"How… How long have you been in love with him?" Very bold of Inuoka to even speak up after such an outburst.

Kai chuckled into his hand at the question. The man knew, the poor soul had been watching through every second of it.

"Um… Half-way into our first year at Nekoma." Her flush still shone brightly as she fanned herself with her hands.

"Her cowardice is justified!" echoed Fukunaga's voice from the kitchen.

[Name] slumped down on the desk in an attempt to cool her face with the cold wood. "Thank you, Shouhei…" she muttered with her cheek pressed firmly onto the surface.

She wasn't a coward—or maybe she was. She couldn't decide. It was Yaku Morisuke, for crying out loud. They had become the best of friends in such a short amount of time, and she didn't even hesitate to give him her first kiss.

The stirring of her stomach didn't mean cowardice. After so many years of seeing his face through a screen and hearing his voice through a speaker, she couldn't handle having the real thing at the tip of her fingers.

How exciting.

Excitement dissolved into sheer panic when the chime of the doorbell swam through the room. Shrimp dropped from her mouth as she froze in place. Reality showered over her like a bucket of ice water to the face. A shimmering layer of tears coated her trembling irises.

[Name] turned slowly to the side to meet Kai's eyes with her own wide ones. "Is…" Her friends stared at her with raised brows. "Is my make-up okay?!" She squeaked when her voice broke, hiding herself behind her cup of alcohol.

Her vocal cords tangled and became a tight knot to form a lump in her throat, choking her with anticipation. The world around her began to shift without her and she swayed side to side and maybe she should start adding more iron to her diet? Yaku would destroy her if he found out she got light-headed randomly.

"[Name], why are you so emotional?" Kenma judged her with his narrowed eyes, completely unimpressed. He held Gilbert wrapped around him for the snake's safety.

She found the courage to meet his gaze. Tears threatened to pour, cheeks burned a glowing red. "He's my best friend, we've only seen each other through a screen for the past six years, and I'm in love with him. How could I not be so emotional?"

Kenma refused to reply while she gripped her cup tightly. He only sweatdropped, leaning back into his seat as Gilbert returned to his owner for a sense of comfort. The footsteps entering the room made her flinch with every echo.

Yaku didn't get to greet his friends as his sights zeroed in on his high-school illiterate dumbass ankle instinctively. The toothy grin breaking out on his lips overflowed with adoration. [Name] in the flesh. It knocked the air out of his lungs.

"I knew my stomach hurting was way too random to be the airplane food."

[Name] allowed the tears to trail down her cheeks along with a chuckle. She pushed herself off the floor and bolted towards the strong arms of her best friend. He really hadn't gotten much taller, but she couldn't care less. His short height always made him endearing and she loved him so much either way.

Her face buried into his shoulders and his palms didn't hesitate to land on her lower back to catch her. The stirring in his stomach, the way she hid away from him, the faint sniffles reverberating against his skin. He had missed holding onto her and the inviting scent of her perfume.

After those seven years since the airport, Yaku knew better than to let his chances slip from his hands again. He pulled away from her, gingerly grabbing onto her chin with his fingers.

He used an eager kiss to say you're here as he nipped at her lower lip with a bit more force than he had expected. The salt of her tears mixed with the sweet taste of her glimmering lipgloss. Sweet and salty, just like [Name] was, just like he remembered her.

Yaku grazed his tongue against her lip one last time before moving back to take a breath. [Name] sighed heavily with flushed cheeks and crashed her forehead into his shoulder again. He felt the droplets seeping through his clothes while some formed in his own eyes.

A hand on her back pressed her closer to him, the other one stroked her hair. "Stop crying, will you? My stomach hurts."

"Oh, shut up," she grumbled into his neck, "my fingers feel funny. You're about to cry, too." Her bright irises met with his. Yaku laughed, trying to blink his tears away.

"Before you start arguing, you guys have some time to catch up before Kuroo gets here."

Yaku glanced behind [Name] to find Kai smiling warmly at him. The man, the legend, the wingman, the reason he had met [Name] in the first place. He would make sure to thank him properly.

He nodded in gratitude while interlacing his fingers with [Name]'s. "We'll be outside, then."

Yaku guided her to the door, his hand keeping a tight grip on her so as to never let her go again. He helped her wrap her scarf around her neck, mindful of the snake hissing affectionately at him. They settled down pressed flush against each other's side, thumbs playing with one another.

Gilbert slithered between them to soak in their warmth made of love and adoration. Yaku scratched the reptile's head; he had missed that thing more than he cared to admit. [Name] couldn't help the silky simper tugging at her lips.

The sky stretching out of reach from them sparkled vibrantly with billions of stars, dead and alive, drowning under the glow of the waning moon. Almost as if time hadn't passed at all; as if all those long years of being separated by seven and then three hours had been but a blink of the eyes.

They were eighteen years old again while [Name] sat with her phone by her side as the midnight rain washed over her and Yaku snored through the speaker. Now they could gaze at the world together, hand in hand, heartbeats in sync.

They were wrapped in warm, comforting blankets again, legs a tangled mess underneath the sheets. Pirated Barbie movies played one after the other on the screen and the blue light burned their eyes when they realized the sun was up. Quiet chortles—so as to not wake her parents—bounced around the room only for them to hear.

They were at home again; they found their places in one another; they belonged and fit together like two puzzle pieces. Even if he had already settled in Russia, and even if she had returned to Japan for little over a year. Sitting side by side meant everything in the world was right.

They were together again after more than half a decade, yet they hadn't been separated for a single second. When she said goodbye and wait for me in the same endless but brief peck, and he said finally, you're here as he bit her lip a bit too harshly.

[Name]'s head landed softly on his shoulder. His cologne smelled like her childhood, although they hadn't met at the time yet. She remembered him talking about it over videochat.

Yaku planted an affectionate kiss on the crown of her head, his nails trailing down Gilbert's body. "Were you actually in Hyougo?" She had missed hearing his voice right beside her ear.

"No, not really," she chuckled. "That project isn't until Summer."

"You've really been moving around since coming back, [Surname]-sensei." Her hair was rough and unsalvageable after suffering the wrath of her scissors and cheap bleach. She had settled for her natural color, and Yaku was more than glad she had found what she liked. Anything looked perfect on her, anyway.

[Name] laughed. Her giggles sounded so much sweeter in person. "You're one to talk, Yaku-senshu." Amusement coursed through his body in the form of goosebumps. "I landed a job at the Shinjuku Gyoen, and I'm working on a project for Sou's childcare."

"How's that going?"

"I'm so excited. Things are going well." She shifted her head to admire Yaku. The glowing of the moon trapped in his eyes, the shadows cast from the sky only to accentuate his jawline, the charming simper on his kissable lips.

[Name] sighed.

Yaku met her gaze. The moonlight draped over her shoulders like a veil. "What's with that sigh?"

"Things are well, but… I'm not sure."

"About?"

"About what I want." She buried herself in his chest. "Shinjuku's nice, but I don't think I want to stay there. I know I have time, I just want to make the most of it."

Yaku pressed his cheek to her head. "How would you like Russia?" His words tangled themselves in her hair.

"Man, I don't know." [Name] squeezed his hand. He was here now, but soon he'd leave again, and yet her fingers clicked seamlessly with his. "I mean, the Netherlands were beautiful and I'd love to go back there someday and meet up with some friends, and I love it here so much with all the memories I made."

Yaku hummed. "You can always come visit."

"Surely. Then again, the Shinjuku Gyoen is such a welcoming place."

"Russia has some really pretty botanical gardens, you know?" His grip tightened around her hand. [Name] wasn't his illiterate dumbass ankle for nothing.

"Really?" She blinked at him with specs of excitement glimmering inside her irises. "It'd be nice to check them out someday."

Yaku sighed heavily. "[Name]."

"Yeah?"

"Are you thick?"

The excitement dissipated and morphed into puzzlement. She stared into Yaku like a gawking fish, gasping for water. "I—What?"

"Come with me to Russia."

Her eyes flew wide open. She had missed that confident grin of his, of course, but she couldn't process it with the words he spilled.

Yaku unhooked his hand from hers and slid his arm around her waist, killing any negligible amount of space between them. Closer wasn't close enough. "Whenever you want to, whenever you feel like, I'm waiting for you." His voice rang harmoniously in the hush of the night. A proposal that disappeared high in the clouds.

Blood rose to [Name]'s face to warm her skin and kickstart a migraine. "Mo—Fuck—Morisuke, you can't just spring this up on me!"

"Let's go." His intense gaze lit up the sky more than the moon could ever try. "I've been away from you for years and now that I have the chance, I'm not letting it go. Make it tonight or in a year. Come with me, [Name]." He brought his hand up to cradle her heating face. She leaned into his palm, eyes fluttering close.

An unwelcome rumble in his stomach made him roll his eyes.

He chuckled, "Don't cry now, dumbass."

Tears she didn't know she still had saved leaked from her lids and rolled down to her chin. "Sorry, I'm just—I'm happy. I just love you so much." A hiccup interrupted her declaration. Yaku had heard it all before as he wiped the droplets from her skin.

He placed his lips upon hers, wondering if they would ever share a kiss without any tears third-wheeling. Not that it mattered. Crying was a part of [Name] and a connection to her that he would never trade for anything.

While she bit him as payback, Yaku could see it. A future in which his stomach would stir itself up after an important match, solely because [Name] was so happy she burst into tears. A future where her fingers would tingle as he watched her walk down the aisle. A future with her.

He pulled back to gaze into her glazed-over eyes. He promised to himself to dry her tears before they fell, now and forever. "Let's be together, [Name]."

She tripped over her words. Her head nodded almost frantically as she disappeared into his neck. Yaku held onto her tightly for the rest of the night and until the last tear she ever cried.

—あごす (agosu) • 2020

[ourflagmeansgayrights]

ofmd s2e2 rewatch where i pause to jot down my thoughts and other random shit

not quite a reaction post, not quite a liveblog. this post is gonna be unpolished and messy bc this is the only way i know to process my emotions abt these episodes enough that i can actually start talking coherently about them.

s2e1, s2e2, s2e3, s2e4, s2e5, s2e6, s2e7, s2e8

did not notice the first time around that buttons is sleeping with his legs sticking up resting against the side of the ship. king.

WHY DID THEY USE A DIFFERENT TAKE OF THE YOU WEAR FINE THINGS WELL SCENE WHAT PURPOSE DOES THIS SERVE. THIS HAS BEEN BOTHERING ME FOR DAYS.

oh god the face stede makes after he breathes out all wistfully is so pained... ogughuhg heartbreak......

why is the groom cake topper dirty ed were you kissing it. ed. edward.

hNNNG ed pushing the painted bride figurine closer..... im gonna throw up

ed!! rolling over and crying!!! TAIKA HOW ARE YOU SO GOOD AT LOOKING SO FUCKING SAD THIS SHIT HURTS ME

like i can literally feel the tears burning in his eyes. the way his chest starts shaking with sobs but he's managing to keep the sobs in for like one more second. he's trying so hard to hold it in and i've cried like this before and it physically HURTS

also oughg the song. run from me baby... run my good wife... run from me baby..... you better run for your life........ ED THINKS THAT'S WHAT STEDE DID!!! RAN AWAY FROM HIM!!!!! and he thinks that was stede running for his life bc like, he thinks he's inherently monstrous and unlovable and hnnnnnnnnngggg. ed teach go to therapy challenge.

the crew responding to zheng's wake-up bell is so relatable. me when my alarm goes off at 6am

ok so the running bit where stede's crew has never heard of China before. is kinda weird to me. and honestly it kinda runs back to what zheng said in the last episode "one thing i've learned in my time here: you people know so little" about nobody knowing how valuable indigo is. like the show is portraying your average caribbean pirate as really ignorant and only like, ed stede and fucking ricky are on par with zheng yi sao. and i mean knowledge doesnt equate to intelligence so like the indigo thing i didnt really bat an eye at but when it was played for comedy with olu not knowing how to pronounce china i was like... hm. but the season's just started so maybe im reading too much into it but idk. it's a weird writing choice to me.

loving how at the start of last season the crew almost mutinied bc stede was a soft captain but now roach is out here embracing how all of them are "tender as hell."

love how lucius and pete have their romantic reunion chat just. fully in front of an audience

stede looks. so upset. watching lupete kiss. this man misses his boyfriend so fucking bad

lucius not even trying to hide how much he Does Not want to be stuck with stede in towels

also hi the sky in this scene is so pink. it was blue when buttons was doing tai chi so i guess this is sunset. day one complete.

buttons confirmed sea witch one of the best scenes in s2 so far. intrigued by auntie saying "i have looked for you far and wide" like are there other sea witches and auntie only wanted buttons?? or is buttons literally the only sea witch in the world. i want the lore.

ed. eddie eddie edward. ed my beloved babygirl. i would fuckinggg die for you

ok but also there is literally no way frenchie didnt see ed when he walked in like ed is standing Right There. i love when directors do stuff like this tho it's so funny to me. "ok joel just walk in there and pretend like you dont see taika standing literally right in front of you"

just noticed ed was polishing the handle to the wardrobe (the main wardrobe) right there. he's tidying up. getting his affairs in order before he— *i break down into inconsolable sobbing*

i wont like tho it was very funny to me when we finally got this full scene and ed's "and no more stede" turned out to be "no more izzy." very fun for me

god i LOVE when we get pirate code shit. none of these rules ever make sense it's always just whatever works for the plot's sake. "that's the code of the sea: the new first mate always kills the old first mate. it's always been like that" i don't think it was literally ever like that i think the writers decided that making up this bullshit rule would add drama to the situation. it's like how pirates can win duels by rendering their opponent's sword inoperable (as if pirates ever had like ritualistic duels). or next episode when zheng yi sao is gonna kill them for mutinying against ed. i love how all the logistics of the plot are always some handwavy-bullshit bc the show just Does Not Care about this shit. this is the ed and stede show and everything else is just superfluous set dressing

we were all fixated on lucius living in the walls none of us predicted that it could be izzy living in the walls

"start with his leg see where it goes" frenchie what does this MEAN

archie thinking jim was asking which leg to cut off and just. answering the question genuinely. is so fucking real lmao me too girl

JIM PUTTING THEIR HAND OVER ARCHIE'S TO BRACE THEMSELF BEFORE THEY START CUTTING INTO IZZY'S LEG... the romances on this show are unparalleled

archie when izzy's leg starts gushing: aye yai yai!

stede telling everyone in laundry abt his whole romance with blackbeard. and stede telling zheng and auntie abt blackbeard when he thought they were just soup sellers. you KNOW stede's been telling literally everyone he meets abt how he's looking for his beloved ed.

lol ok but cuba was not written on the map in the one shot and then stede says "oh, hang on, he might be in cuba!" and it cuts back to the map and he underlines the word "cuba" which somehow mysteriously appeared on the map while stede was chatting. 10/10 no notes

also GOD do i relate to stede so hard sometimes. it did not even occur to stede to ask lucius how he's been until lucius points it out and then he's like "oh! right! how are you??" and he does genuinely care but he was just so absorbed in his own shit it did not occur to him to ask. like. ohhhh baby does that hit home

LUCIUS DRAMATICALLY PAUSING IN THE DOORWAY WHEN STEDE TELLS HIM TO WAIT. HIS HANDS ON EITHER SIDE OF THE DOOR AND HIS HEAD BENT. THIS FUCKING DRAMA QUEEN I LOVE HIM!!!!

LLOOKING OVER HIS SHOULDER "oh, yeah. now you care?" AND THNE SHAKING HIS HEAD AS HE WALKS AWAY god i LOVE this soap opera

ok but buttons looks very confused when auntie says "i see you've adopted the humble form of a man" and then she hands him the book abt shapeshifting. like did she know that he doesnt know how to change form or what.

auntie asks buttons to bless their travels. anyway this is how stede somehow didnt get everyone killed in e1 despite the fact that they were at sea for a few months and he had no idea what the fuck he was doing.

LOVE auntie's little... yell? whimper?? before shuffling away nervously. incredible performance.

also the spellbook thing is in chinese. pretty cool how buttons knows how to read chinese.

ed jumpscare 2!

frenchie's "fire away. not literally, i hope" I MISSED THAT THE FIRST TIME KJSGHKFJDGHJHK WHAT A GREAT FUCKING LINE

love how irl frenchie using the wrong hand for that throat-slitting pantomime would be unimportant but the show acts like that's something that could actually give frenchie away bc they need to really nail home the fact that Ed Is A Fucking Genius

another thing ed is: INCREDIBLY HOT. he is being intimidating and evil to frenchie rn and i am very very into it.

obsessed with archie casually picking some random gore off her hand

also obsessed with how jim is just poking at izzy's leg. they learned how to butcher animals as a kid tho so i guess they're not really grossed out by severed body parts lmaoo

also also obsessed with how izzy would absolutely have not survived this at all. i love this show

list part 2:

ok im sorry but "he's our dick" does not feel earned to me. like they use that fantastic shot of the whole crew in episode 6 last season but what's crucial abt that shot is izzy isn't hanging out with the crew. he's sitting away in the corner monologuing abt how he thinks maybe ed might not want to kill stede.

i do think it's significant tho that jim wasn't there for izzy at his worst aka threatening to withhold rations for laughing at him. like they weren't part of the vote to mutiny against izzy. but frenchie was and frenchie was like "start with his leg see where it goes" which does not seem like he's really that invested in keeping izzy alive.

also it's weird how we don't see fang at all for this bit with hiding izzy in the walls. like he would be the one i'd expect to have the strongest connection to izzy bc he knew izzy before the show started and he was hugging and comforting izzy last episode.

anyway imo jim keeping izzy alive is more abt them missing when they were on the ship with olu and the whole crew and the ship was like a family, not necessarily abt feeling loyalty to izzy specifically. i could be wrong tho who knows.

one thing i do know is that it is VERY important to point out how jim is struggling really hard with everything, archie is not. she wasnt there for the co-captaining era at all and she seems to be rolling with everything like it's all expected. this includes the wedding raid and ed pointing a gun at her last season and stuff. even now she's mostly just confused by why jim is bothering to try and keep izzy alive. but she acts like the amputation and the violence are all what she expected.

yay kissing!! with the shit stuffed up their nose and covered in blood and jim still holding the leg GOD I LOVE THIS SHOW

hnng when archie says "you have... hope" jim's jaw tenses and they visibly swallow after the word "hope." god jim is going through it

"the wooden demon boy that thirsted for life" god i love this game of telephone that the show is playing with pinocchio it's so fucking funny

archie definitely still says a few syllables after "no i was cleaning up blood" while jim was leaning in for another kiss but none of it forms a coherent word. relatable.

ed's "ohhhhohoho. ohoho" is so funny to me. this man is so jealous that other people are getting to kiss ppl they like but not him.

hm archie and jim are not actually kissing when we cut to the shot of ed standing in the stairwell. i imagine this is an editing goof or something

jim and archie pulling away like two kids who got caught kissing under the bleachers during gym class or something. incredible. one of jim's nose plug rags is mysteriously missing now. i think archie ate it.

ed shushing frenchie. nothing to say here but "i need him carnally"

"take the fuckin leg" ed does NOT like mess!!!

"he was your friend" well jim. he might have been ed's friend. but he had a very strange way of showing it.

why does it sound like ed has spurs on his boots

OLU IS SO CUTE I CANT BLAME ZHENG FOR BEING LIKE "you're doing so good at filing thanks so much!!" WHEN HE'S ACTIVELY FUCKING EVERYTHING UP

also. i want to know about auntie's filing system. ahead of it's time, you say?? tell me more. hi my name is jess and i love sorting things

ah yeah olu mispronouncing china moment

olu and zheng are cute tho ngl

roach is having an orgasmic experience drinking soup. very relatable.

love that stede called the broth "insane" like fics so often get stede's voice wrong bc he will randomly say casual slang in a way that contradicts his general s1 vibe of stuffy frilly rich guy. but he's more like your average dad whose general grammar when speaking is pretty outdated but he's also trying to use slang to fit in with his kids

oh god stede is trying so hard with lucius it is giving SUCH awkward dad vibes. "when i was young and edgy" and "mr. cool" STEEEEDE

"my spicy little rat boy" im so sad that lucius hates that pet name bc this is the funniest thing black pete's ever said

aw nooooo the way pete jumps when lucius yells at him :(:(:(

yo wee john has like a wristband with all these sewing needles and shit stuck on it that's such a cool costume detail

the first thing izzy says after waking up is "my leg" and in my head im hearing it in the spongebob meme voice

first: very funny how ed responds "yeah!" like, laughing about the whole. amputation thing. and then secondly i am obsessed with "up in Leg Heaven" he is so fucking quirky. i love him.

"have you come to take the other one" yeah you'd probably enjoy that huh izzy.

love ed's dangly earring. gender.

smthng abt how izzy is instantly exhausted and dismissive when ed tells izzy to take the gun vs how ed was also bored and dismissive when izzy said "i have love for you." idk if there's anything there im just making tenuous connections in my head rn

help. ed clenching his fists when he's standing with his back to izzy. he really wants izzy to do it but also even deeper than that he really doesn't he wants to live

izzy starts to laugh the same way he started to cry last episode with like a really loud sudden gasp of air. also he laughs so weirdly jesus christ

also jesus this is so fucking dark. i mean obviously but im fucking reeling right now from ed trying to get izzy to kill him and izzy's response is just "do it yourself you fucking pussy." fuck.

more thoughts on this scene here

"i loved you... best i could" i actually dont have a lot of thoughts abt this at all aside from it just seems like a weird thing for ed to say. idk. i have a few metas abt this saved that ive been meaning to read so maybe that will help me deconstruct this but i think i'd need more time to figure out why this line feels weird to me. it could literally just be that i dont like blackhands at all but idk. probably not gonna unpack my feelings for a while tho bc in terms of everything i want to dig into from these 3 episodes alone this is at the bottom of that list lol

love how ed tells frenchie "go live" right before he steers them into a storm and tries to doom everyone on the ship.

"two messed-up kids probably" i know this is one of those things that some viewers are just always gonna have a problem with but it's so fucking funny to me how stede is like. never seeing his children again. and is like "yeah they're probably traumatized by how i was a bad father. well that's for mary and doug to deal with!"

lucius winking when he calls stede quite the fuck-up. i love this snarky gay

anyway for how fucked up the vibe is on ed's ship at least they weren't playing human puppet or making people catch rats with their teeth

shit this is longer than the last post. anyway list part 3:

ok i completely forgot abt this scene where the crew back on the Revenge is talking in the hallway before they go confront ed but i think it's rlly interesting how jim is the only one who says anything abt how ed's sudden cheery mood is NOT a good thing. fang is like "do we think he's better?" and jim's like "fuck no!" and frenchie's like "idk he seemed pretty calm to me." like this is so fucking juicy to me. jim knew this wasn't "better." i think this is because jim kinda gets it. they know what it's like to be told you're only meant for violence. and they know what it's like to want something softer. last season i probably wouldnt have said jim understood ed's suicidal tendencies but the way jim KNOWS that this isnt better makes me wonder if they understand this, too.

altho when they go outside and ed is like "it's a bad storm! and i took the wheel! and im gonna fire into the mast! we're all gonna die!!" jim yells "what do you want, you piece of shit!" (in spanish) so maybe they dont get the suicide bit of it. but they did understand that ed wasn't better.

oh ed's voice in "what do i want?" is so whiny and sad. babygirl is fucking going through it. good thing the rain is hiding his tears ahaha. ha.

"all love dies im just hastening the process" objectively this is fucked up but also it is so funny to me that he's like "i got dumped so now nobody else is allowed to be happy and in love." he broke up all the couples at the end of s1 and he raided a fucking wedding. babygirl i love you. you are so unwell

VERY RANDOM THOUGHT and i would have to go back to last episode double check but i dont think any of the background crew are women?? it's just archie??? which kinda bums me out a bit like i dont only want female rep in the main cast i want to see random background women too. i could be entirely wrong abt this tho just in this scene i only see dudes in the background

anyway archie being like "alright i guess we're fighting" bc this is archie's normal. archie is just kinda resigned to her life being shit.

stede crossing out "dead" and circling "alive" is so fucking funny to me hfjkhdjvgdfjk like. manifesting.

but also he does kinda manifest that in the next episode doesnt he?? he loves ed back to life ahaha oh god oh fuck *starts sobbing*

"looks like he's gotten back into arson" okay and??? wee john's an arson enthusiast also, cmon lucius dont judge a man for his hobbies

stede's fucking face when he considers what lucius said abt "maybe his time with you is the best it's gonna get for him" like i think he tries to think abt it and just. cant. he cant fucking accept that. god im gonna throw up.

HNNNNG THE RUN FROM ME SONG COMING BACK IM GONNA LOSE MY SHIT

i cant get over how archie is like. yeah bro it's fine. it's cool just kill me im not gonna hold it against you.

jim's like "YOU WERE GONNA DO IT ANYWAY!!" and ed's like "teehee yeah :3 u got me"

oh bro some of the random background crew people just fully go overboard huh. damn. rip those guys.

ok so im choosing to believe that izzy fired a lucky shot there bc the man couldn't even shoot himself point blank in the skull but im supposed to believe that he got ed right in the arm from the other side of the deck in the middle of a crazy storm and the ship rocking like crazy and izzy's probably suffering from like, insane amounts of blood loss?? i dont buy it. i mean it doesnt matter at all but i think he was trying to hit ed's general torso area and if ed didnt have his arm held out izzy would've missed. like i said tho this makes no fucking difference. it's just a fun little headcanon hehe

love how ed laughs like an absolute maniac here. babygirl u are so unhinged.

wait it's fucking wild how in the middle of all this we to cut to auntie putting the map back together and then we see that zheng is bringing her fleet over land. anyway this is foreshadowing obviously but like considering the song choice and cutting this between ed's suicide attempt and then the crew mutinying. is a choice. and idk why they made that choice yet.

it is a pretty dramatic reveal tho. i didnt appreciate that the first time but holy shit. she's just pulling her ships all the way to the caribbean. girlboss.

and then the mutiny. the relief on ed's face hurts me so fucking much

other thoughs about this scene here

HOLY SHIT THIS POST CREDITS SCENE AHHHHHH

so first of all. auntie saying olu can be allowed to clean up random hairs around the desk and zheng being like "there's not that much hair" girl you know you're lying. her hair is so long and so gorgeous and you KNOW random strands end up making scary-ass hair spiders if somebody doesn't regularly sweep things up

second of all: olu pretending there's a carrier bird with a messege for zeng to give her a break is SO CUTE. OLU. OLU YOU ARE SUCH A SWEETHEART.

[starry-eyed-never-satisfied]

Fandom Ask Game! 6, 7, 12, 15, 18, 19, 22, 23, 24

7. Is there a piece of clothing you think [character] is particularly fond of/that you imagine them wearing a lot or like to draw them in?

In terms of drawing, I've drawn Paul in his Destroyer costume most often, because it's really easy to draw, and he looks hot in it. But he looks hot in anything so....

When I was writing Let Me Know, that was hard because when I described Paul as dressing like a rock star, I was envisioning 80s or 90s, ripped jeans, leather jackets, band ts, that sort of thing. I knew a bit about girls clothes in the late 60s, but not a lot about guys, so when I googled it, it was a bit of a shock, and I still struggle to picture him at that time.

12. What's the funniest or craziest AU idea you've ever come up with?

I don't really do AUs like putting them in completely different worlds/situations, so the most AU I get it using stories not from Kisstory. Take It Off is one of those, that scenario with Paul stripping is completely made up, although we all would love to see it I know. It was fun to write and picture him like that.

15. Have you noticed your style change over time?

I think so, my stories are getting longer and more detailed. I'm adding more action

18. Type [charater]'s name and tell us what the autocomplete suggests as the next word

Paul Stanley ass

I am ashamed. What is wrong with me.

19. What's your favourite thing about [fandom] (the people in it, not the media you're all enjoying together)?

The fact that I think all of you will understand the answer to the previous question and not think there is something wrong with me

22. Give us a headcanon for [character]

When Paul is trying to fall asleep he plays with his chest hair

23. Has your favourite character/ship changed over time?

No. Stardemon for life!

24. What's your favourite thing about [character]?

I love so much about him, its hard to just choose one. I guess that he just has the most beautiful soul. He's been through so much, yet has never lost his positive outlook on life, just constantly believing that things can be and will be better

6. Show us a bit of a WIP!

Okay, this is pretty new, so is most likely not in it's final form. One of my very first stories is called I'm Watching Over You, its the story of the morning after the drunken Hotter Than Hell photo shoot. This one has the working title I'm Watching Over You - The Night Before

Paul grabbed another drink.  A hand rested on his arm.  Gene.

“How much have you had?”

Paul shrugged.

“Paul.”

“What?  I’m a rock thtar, ‘member.  Thith ith wha’ Im meana do.” He swaggered off towards a couple of girls.

---

Peter opened his eyes.  The room was spinning.  He looked over.  Paul was unconscious.  Paul?  Peter blinked a couple of times.  No it was definitely Paul.  And there were men around him.

“Gee –“ Peter couldn’t move.  “Gee!” he cried, looking desperately around for the one person he knew would be sober.

But Gene had already seen.

“Get off him!”

Gene in full demon mode made an impressive sight, bearing down, shoving the would-be rapists aside.

“Hey, sorry man,” one laughed lasciviously.  “Didn’t know he was yours.”

Ignoring him, Gene crouched and carefully picked Paul up.  His head flopped limply against Gene’s shoulder.

---

Gene got Paul out the back door.  It was slightly cooler out there, and Gene leaned against the wall.  “Oh, Paul.  What am I going to do with you,” Gene whispered into his curls.

[silk-scarlet-ribbons]

I binge-read (which, I'll admit, doesn't do your pacing justice. Planning on rereading it slower lol) your work "children of the stars" and i have. so many (positive) thoughts

I don't usually read sa recovery fics coz I feel like it's common for authors to emphasize the pain more than the recovery-- which, coz fanfic is usually used to vent, isn't bad per se, its just not my thing -- but i was really pleasantly surprised by yours. I love how you express how fucked Tim's situation is while in Jason's POV coz you never really take away from it, while still portraying the distress that he feels and the forced (by law) compliance that often comes with SA by authority figures. How Jason has to walk himself through putting the kid over his anger is gut-wrenchingly amazing (esp with taking the Pit into account), and how Jason works on himself and is generally happier for/because of Tim genuinely made me have to stand up in certain parts. It shows how much Jason doesn't want his own experiences to repeat (both with his alluded to childhood, and with Bruce) and proves how different he is to the character Tim's initially been threatened with. That eventually crescendoing into him calling the exact person he's so cautious of being like??? Actually made me want to die (in a good way).

You also make sure to still express that Tim is a child, which I really appreciated coz i feel like when younger people go through that, it tends to be made into a "step into maturity". Tim just. God, I cried so hard at the "I'll be brave until you get there". The idea that he thinks it'll happen again contrasted with the trust he has in Jason is so aauuuugggghh

Also?? I really really related to Dick in this particular work because of how you portrayed his own reactions and experiences. Coping by taking on responsibility and then having to shed that abruptly when someone else has experienced a similar situation was something I really really liked your approach to. Especially after he finds that Tim has the same/similar trigger to him?? Every different experience with SA that you wrote hit so hard. Definitely one of my favorite reps so far. God. I love all of your character writing. DUDE ALSO WITH BRUCE?? ALFRED?? MARCO?? You described all of the bat's grief and longing for what was so welllll.

Just. Really really refreshing read, 100% gonna go through the rest of your works. Sorry if this was long winded or annoying lol, feel free to disregard if you want to. Either way, thank you so much for posting that (for free!) and I look forward to future chapters if you write any more :)

in case you were wondering, anon, this reply is so late because i spent the last week crying over it <3 /lh

Ohhh man oh man. OH MAN. OH MAN! this is honestly so kind,,, jkjkjdfkjdf Jason and Tim's journeys in CotS as they try to rationalize with what happened to them while still allowing themselves to be juvenile, somehow, was basically a cornerstone in the fic, and I'm so beyond excited and grateful that there are people who genuinely enjoyed that aspect of it. AND DICK, MY BELOVED.... I could never leave him out of it either, I love that guy.

It just means the world to me that you enjoyed this so much? Idk it's like the horrors of being perceived but they're not horrors, they're joys. The joys of having my fic perceived. Grief is one of my favorite things to write for how powerful it is, and getting this kind of feedback only makes me want to keep going (especially now, when I've been hitting a dearth of creativity, lol).

I have one more official chapter planned for CotS--- it's proving to be the hardest to write, because on my life I hate finishing things. Sometimes I can't finish things. But this makes me want to finish it just to give this fic's wonderful, wonderful readers a conclusion.

This was not annoying at all-- I genuinely read it, like, seven-eight times. It was an absolute light for my entire week. Never apologize for doing this for the works you love, I promise you we are reading and we are cherishing.

[pumpkin-spice-whump]

What Other Choice?

I've had this one written for the better part of a year and I think I can finally post it

CWs: this is a heavy one. please read all warnings. heavy suicide ideation, suicide attempt, bbu, ocd, harm ocd, anxiety, implied noncon, hopelessness, noncon drugging, just be careful

Masterlist

———————————–

Jesse hadn’t even been able to make it downstairs. He’d passed out somewhere between the kitchen and dining room, trying to get away from the guests tormenting him.

His aching body woke him sometime in the afternoon, tears falling before his eyes were even open. He whimpered, pulling himself off the ground, sweat covering his naked body. He could only manage to get to his knees, so he crawled to the living room and collapsed on the soft rug, pulling a throw blanket around himself as he shook.

Jesse felt a moment coming on, but he didn’t even try to make it go away. He welcomed it. The way his tears worsened, his breaths shortened. He didn’t muffle the raw, agonizing sobs ripping from his chest, body tensing and aching with the force of them. He allowed the soul-crushing feeling inside him to take over entirely and bring him down, make him unable to think. Because if he thought at all about what had happened last night -- the things he’d been made to do, the pain he’d endured --

Jesse shook his head, thumping it against the ground four times as he tightened the blanket around himself.

It had been the worst night of his life. Worse than the break in, than the first night with Mrs. Bakeman, and the night they were caught all put together.

-----------------------------------

Jesse gripped the table, whimpering as the next hit drew blood and began to soak through the boxers he was permitted to wear. He could feel each welt with agonizing accuracy as he tried to readjust and brace himself.

The stranger behind him hit him three more times before dropping the heavy belt to the ground and stepping back, which meant that Jesse was allowed to fall to his knees. He twisted the collar around his neck four times, resting his head against the table. What time was it? Eleven thirty? Midnight? He closed his eyes and ran very quickly through the chorus to Abi’s favorite song, ensuring her safety through the rest of the night. He wished that he was there to check on her in person, but that was the next best thing.

A hand gripped his hair and harshly pulled him backwards. He cried out as his new welts and cuts hit the ground, his head bouncing back against the hardwood. When his vision focused again, he saw the cold grin of Mr. Bakeman staring back at him.

“How are you feeling, pet?” he asked, reaching down and hauling him back up into a sitting position. Jesse’s stomach rolled. “The night’s still young. And we have something… extraordinary planned. Just for you.”

He nodded at a man Jesse had never seen before, a shorter one with balding hair and a smile that made Jesse’s skin crawl. He’d come in earliest that night, whispering with Mr. Bakeman, a bag on his shoulder. It was now that he opened the bag and revealed the contents.

The other guests of Mr. Bakeman’s harrowing houseparty drew closer, the smell of hard liquor and smoke making Jesse choke. At least the girls weren’t there to suffocate like he was, he thought.

The man removed a slick black case, unclipping the sides and showing the excited guests. A line of syringes, liquid shimmering and blue, sharp needles catching the dim light. Jesse’s breath picked up, body instinctively trying to move and regretting it at the flare of pain that followed. The man removed one of the syringes, eyes set hungrily on Jesse.

He risked speaking for the first time in what might have been days. “What--” he cleared his throat, “what is that?” He wished his voice didn’t tremble.

Mr. Bakeman jumped to answer. “This is a gift from Mr. Walker here. A very special concoction from WRU themselves.” He only smiled at the way Jesse’s eyes widened. “Oh, you’ve heard of it? You’re in for a treat, my pet.”

Two guests and Mr. Bakeman had to hold Jesse still as Mr. Walker approached with the syringe in hand. Jesse shook his head and begged for them to not go through with it, promising to take anything else without complaint, but in the end his resistance only fueled the crowd of drunken sadists. He stood no chance.

It started with a stinging in the entrance site, but spread and intensified quickly, feeling like his veins were literally on fire and burning him alive from the inside out. It took him less than a minute to start screaming, tears unbearably hot on his skin. He curled in on himself as the serum spread through his body, screams somehow intensifying when it reached his chest .

Everything he’d ever felt up to that moment was now nothing in comparison. He would have rather been shocked or whipped. He would have rather spent hours having his back sliced to ribbons with a dulled knife or spent a thousand nights with Mrs. Bakeman and relived the night he truly thought Mr. Bakeman was going to kill him because dying in any horrific way would have been better than being forced to survive the pain he was.

And then it got worse.

Jesse forced his eyes open when he felt hands -- awful, scorching hands -- pulling his arms and legs away from the semi-safety of his curled up body. He couldn’t even form words to beg them any longer, instead forced to watch helplessly as strong arms held him down much too tightly and ripped off his blood soaked boxers.

Every horrible stranger in that room held him down, right there, at his most vulnerable, and had their way with him.

He screamed and cried as much as he could, but they didn’t care. He couldn’t even really tell what exactly was happening, besides the fact that it was excruciating and humiliating. He was nothing but a body to them, a toy. A husk of a human being who held no sentience, felt no pain. He was only there for their pleasure.

It had gone on for hours, and even when they got tired and discarded him on the floor, he had no relief as the serum was still working it’s way through his body. He tried to crawl from them, much to their entertainment, but all they did was drag him back and continue the never-ending torture.

And all the while, Mr. Bakeman stood in the corner and watched.

-----------------------------------

Jesse swallowed down the bile in his throat, sobbing harder. His body ached so badly, inside and out, in every way he didn’t know possible. He wanted it to end.

He wanted to die.

He began to cast the thought aside with the other strange things that ran through his mind, but he paused.

What was he really living for? A master who hated and tortured him? To see the girls he was made for only one or two days a week, Mr. Bakeman breathing down his neck entire time? Getting through the day was hard before all this happened, but now…. what was the point? If waking up only made him want to live less and less every day? And if they ever repeated what happened last night…

Jesse shuddered and then curled up in the pain that followed. Tears flowed freely from his eyes as he stared at the wall. 

Why should he keep putting up with it?

Slowly and unbearably, Jesse pushed himself back onto his hands and knees and crawled back to the kitchen, a small trail of blood following him. He didn’t know where it was coming from. His chest hitched with a sob.

The darkness inside felt bigger than it ever had. He was being crushed from the inside out. Every horrible thing that had ever happened to him had just caught up with him at that moment and he wouldn’t be able to survive going through it all again. He didn’t want to survive going through it all again.

He made it to the kitchen and collapsed on his side before going any further, allowing himself to rest his too-hot forehead on his arms and cry, gasping for breath.

He remembered when things were almost okay. Before the divorce, before the break in, before Mrs. Bakeman had pulled him aside. When all he did was cook and clean and take care of three bright children. When his routines worked and he did what he was trained for and nothing else. A time that only lasted a couple months, but that he longed to go back to.

He picked himself back up and made it to the counter. He ground his teeth together, a scream building as he hauled himself up, leaning heavily against the counter. Hoarse sobs make his throat burn, like shards of glass were stuck in the soft flesh inside. He swallowed and winced.

Part of him longed to go back to the beginning, but a bigger part of him that he almost didn’t want to acknowledge wished to go back farther. Back to a time that had been locked away by training, but had begun to break through ever since the girls were taken away from him. Maybe even since Mrs. Perez had brought it up that day in the park. Details were very fuzzy, but there was still something there, something that made his chest ache so urgently he felt physically sick. It wasn’t like WRU told him, that he had nothing and they gave him a life. He had something before the endless white of the facility and endless dark of life with the Bakemans. It kept him up at night, the thought that, maybe, he had a life that they took from him.

Now he only had constant pain and sorrow.

He wanted to end it.

He would end it.

Jesse swiped his arm over his eyes and bit his lip, opening the knife drawer. His hand shook as he took out a chef’s knife, holding it delicately in his hands.

There was nothing for him anymore. He had no control over his own life, except for this one last choice. Those in control only wanted to hurt him. He had no one to turn to for help.

He’d thought about slicing through his own skin with this very knife so many times he could almost know what it would feel like. Jesse leaned heavily against the countertop to his side, whimpering in pain.

A deep slice down his forearm? Or a hard stab in his gut? His heart pounded. Which one would be faster? The clock on the oven said it was nearly two p.m. He only had two more hours until Mr. Bakeman came home, and if he found Jesse still alive…

He took a deep breath and held out his left arm on the counter, palm up. His grip on the knife shook, but he tightened it as best he could and set the tip of the blade on his wrist.

Am I doing this? Am I really doing this?

What choice do I have?

He stopped. What other choice does he have?

Mrs. Perez had told him that if he ever needed help… if he ever needed out… What would she do? Send him back to WRU to be refurbished and sold off again? Just thinking about it made him want to drag the blade across his flesh and let himself fade away.

Or she would help him. Like she said she would.

Jesse sobbed, squeezing her eyes shut. He clenched his jaw, hiccuping for breath. Did he want to die? Or did he just want out?

Jesse dropped the knife on the countertop, gasping when it did knick the side of his arm a bit. He fell to his knees, unable to hold back a scream. He didn’t have long.

It took over a half hour of slow movements and tears, but he was eventually dressed in sweatpants and a sweatshirt. He couldn’t bend over to put on shoes, but it didn’t really matter. His feet on the bare concrete was going to hurt the least.

Aching pain shot up and down his body at his first step out the door, begging him to just turn around and finish what he’d started, but he refused. He was going to see if that was truly his last choice before he took it.

Jesse held to the side of the house for as long as he could before he was forced to go it alone, one arm wrapped around his waist as he hunched over and shuffled along. Even that felt too fast. Twice his vision went dark and he had to pause, hand reaching out for nothing. He counted his heavy breaths in groups of four, eyes on his bruised feet. He still couldn’t pinpoint where he was bleeding from.

The house next door was maybe a half an acre away, but to Jesse it seemed nearly impossible. Every step made him nauseous, his head pounding in time with his heart. Tears continued to flow freely down his face. All of his resolve went into taking each step forward, now that it was too far to go back.

Jesse collapsed on the front porch, feverish and hot, sweatpants soaking through with blood. It took all he had to feebly knock on the door, and hope that he was heard.

The afternoon sun beat down on him, stealing his weak energy. Maybe he wouldn’t have to kill himself, he thought, maybe he would die lying on Mrs. Perez’s front porch.

He thought briefly about what would happen to him if he died. He wouldn’t have a funeral. He’d most likely be sent back to WRU to be stripped for parts. But what would people think? Mrs. Perez might take pity on his bloodied body. Mr. Bakeman might be angry with him, even in death, for wasting all that money. Mrs. Bakeman would probably be too high to care. The girls… it might hurt them. Really hurt them. They would come to their father’s house, ready to see him, and they would be told that he’d died. Had they ever even lost someone before? They wouldn’t understand. They wouldn’t know how to deal with the grief. 

Jesse wasn’t sure how, but he knew what grief felt like. He knew that it ate you up from your core, tearing your very being into little pieces as you begged and pleaded with the universe to give back what it had taken but was met with absolute silence. The worst part was the silence. How would they live? Feeling that kind of silence? That unique kind of loneliness that never really left?

Guilt crashed over him like a wave. What was he doing? He couldn’t leave them in any way. He had to go back. He had to.

He took a breath in preparation of getting to his hands and knees, not even thinking about walking again. The journey back to the Bakeman home would be ten times worse than before, but he had to make it.

Jesse grunted in pain, vision briefly turning dark, as he sat up.

The front door opened.

———————————–

(life has been crazy so if you asked to be tagged and aren't it's an accident and please just ask again!)

Taglist: @mylifeisonthebookshelf@boxboysandotherwhump@hold-him-down@winedark-whump@melancholy-in-the-morning@castielamigos-whump-side-blog

[winter-parrot]

went and saw the les mis nat tour. thought i maybe wouldn't cry so much this time, was wrong. having lots of thoughts and feelings. i'm gonna dump them here in whatever tangle they come out in because i want to document some of it while it is still Fresh.

act 1

did not expect the prologue (esp on parole) to hit me that hard. i almost cried and that was when i knew i was in for it tonight.

there were!! little brick moments esp in the prologue!!! that i really loved!!!

valjean stealing a coin from a kid. this has to be a petit gervais reference even it it came early during on parole instead of the brick-accurate what have i done

baptistine and mme. magloire were there with myriel!

fauchelevent got his leg wrecked by the cart and specifically had to be carried off, which doesn't feel like a detail i've seen often

the entire town coming out with pitchforks to see valjean arrested was A Lot.

they didn't do the parole slip rip-to-the-beat thing!! they just did one (1) at the end i miss it.

they gave?? most of the factory girls solo over to the foreman??? that was a weird choice

they made fantine's firing more personal for valjean, mainly by having her try to talk to him and be brushed aside during the factory fight. valjean also paused to look back before he walked offstage. i dislike this.

lovely ladies was so brutal. oh my god. i felt her degradation and despair in the lovely ladies descent a lot more viscerally than i usually do. and but god i wanted to punch bamatabois so bad. good work to the actor, but fuck that guy

tiny tiny nit but they kept saying monsieur mayor which was driving me nuts. pick a langaug dammit!

runaway cart continues to feel choppy bc of all the lines they cut out of it.

it's not by the face, it's not by the voice, no, it's by the lifting that you recognize a man. this will always be funny to me.

there was!! a french flag!!! flying over the courtroom scene!!! it had words on them but i couldn't see all of it. the middle looked like egalite as you'd expect, but the far right was justice?? fraternite seems like a weird one to replace with justice, so maybe the whole thing was different? I couldn't even see the left where liberte would go bc of the stage lights.

little cosette was so good. oh sweet child you desrve all the hugs.

surprisingly managed to mostly enjoy master of the house. hated the opening more than i ever have before, specifically watching the audience laugh at mme thenardier abusing cosette. i realize it's not entirely the audience's fault, the show is absolutely playing it for laughs, but the ick was high today.

i will never not find show me where you live funny

look down broke in while jvj and cosette were stil having their sweet moment. idk if it was intentional but it felt very ominous and it worked

oh god gavroche was so tiny. i've never seen a gavroche feel so viscerally young, with all the invincible courage and rashness and childness bravado. i almost cried when he first appeared just because he was so small and so young and i knew what was coming.

i did a lot of crying in not-technically-sad scenes because i knew what was coming. oh god.

gavroche seemed to have a bit of hero-worship of enjolras, a la his relationship to bahorel in the book. this did become relevant in the most painful way that i feared.

i love enjolras's red waistcoat in look down

on the topic of enjo's costuming, i make fun of him for being half naked a lot. but i realized today that all the students are fully dressed (buttoned up, waistcoat + cravat, jacket) in act 1 but end up at more-or-less enjo level of (un)dress on the barricade.

is?? state of (un)dress being used as a visual shorthand for revolutionary fervour???

i think??? enjo almost got arrested after the look down scene. i missed the actual onset but i looked back towards him to find an officer waving a truncheon menacingly in his face, so.

in my life felt very ick!! which is not what was expecting. mostly it's the staging where cosette is trapped inside the courtyard pushing out at the bars, valjean comes in, unlocks the door for himself, and then locks the two of them back in. it brought back beeblemis trauma honestly.

(obligatory???) acknowledgment that vlajean does kind of become cosette's jailor in the brick, but the musical doesn't really have the room for that kind of nuance. not when we see so little of them.

courf just?? randomly grabbed a gun at the from nowhere?? at the end of red and black???

enjolras then shouted to the streets! raising said gun right before do you hear the people sing. this isn't the baricades yet!! this is a demonstrably bad choice like one (musical) day before your planned rebellion. especially if he's already been almost arrested. boy, what are you thinking???

i miss the revolve. they had to do some weird snaky maneuvers to keep marching without walking off stage. it looked stupid honestly.

garoche & enjolras's deaths area also elevated by the revolve imho

also the barricade revolve is just cool

oh god how am i not at the end of act 1 yet.

the one day more overlapping medley at the end felt werid disjointed and i'm not sure why?

one day more also made me cry not bc the song itself is particualrly sad but i couldn't stop thinking in one day more most of you will be dead which was. heartbreaking.

okay now i'm done act 1

act 2

i have less to say about act 2 i mostly just cried a lot

the tragedy of on my own really struck me, i think bc eponine felt more defiant?? like more angry about her fate, less lovestruck.

i cried at now we pledge ourselves to hold this barricade. more anticipatory grief knowing what was coming.

enj felt like a very good leader which i always appreciate. i love him, my boy.

javert's uncovering felt so violent in a way that i'm not used to seeing on stage. they fought. several times. it was very physical and tense.

also gavroche was so fucking proud and i was so fucking proud of him too and so fucking sad.

the audience laughed at now hat i know that you love... me as well which was. weird??? is that normally a laugh spot???

a little fall of rain wrecked me, partly for eponine's death, but partly for gavroche showing up just in time to see her die. musical gave no indication of their relation but i know and i was sad.

the progression from they will see the people rise to the people too must rise to the people have not stirred. god!!! this is not new but it did strike me anew today!!

courfeyrac??? told valjean well done, sir and like banged his gun against the barricade as a gesture of respect/praise??? that was weird on so many levels. idk where that came from.

i started crying near the end of bring him home and basically did not stop for the rest of act 2. only lessened in intensity at times.

grantaire's verse in drink with me was very belligerent and enjo was not putting up with it. i'm used to seeing this as a moment for enjo to comfort/soothe r (at least in the last ~10 years of productions) but this enjo was not fucking having it. it was more hostile than comforting. gavroche ran off to comfort r after.

oh my god gavroche's death. sans revolve they obviously couldn't show him on the other side of the barricade. so we just hear some shots, and then he throws the ammo over, and then he gets to the top of the barricade -- and then he gets shot down, right into enjo's arms. he then gets passed to grantaire, who stands there holding him for the entire lead up to the final battle.

enjolras was?? the first to die??? he ran up to the top of the barricade not to shoot but to wave the red flag, and then was the first to get shot down. then the rest of the amis in the standard cross-beam of spotlights thing. and then, last of all, grantaire puts down gavroche, runs up to the peak where enjo died, and is shot.

i'm not exactly upset about grantaire getting that moment, but him getting it alone -- esp after enjolras was the first to die -- felt like a weird choice.

the oboe solo pause after the final battle continues to be my downfall

thenardier says [God's] as dead as the stiffs at my feet while standing over marius. i have yet to decide if this is an intentional staging choice as commentary on "God may look dead but he's alive, i promise" or just a coincidence

they dropped valjean's there is a life to save line, no idea why

javert was so unhinged during his suicide. he was waving a pistol around for the first half and i briefly but genuinely feared they were going to restage his suicide to be by gun. thankfully it was an unfounded fear.

the candles are still my undoing!!!! i knew exactly what was coming when they brought them out during turning and yet. and yet. the simultaneous blowing out made me bawl.

side note, ghost!grantaire and enjolras appeared flanking gavroche and my first thought was are they his parents now??

dear god please do not let them parent anybody. they're bad enough individually but as a pair??? unthinkable.

i almost laughed during valjean's confession bc all i could think was ahh yiss story time with papa. i was still crying but it did not stop me from snorting.

can we cut that weird opening to beggar at the feast. you know the one.

this one's a jew is more ick than usual given current events

tacking on i might try it too after this one's a queer does not, in fact, make it gay liberation!!! it just makes it gross!!!

you've already cut so many lines from this show, why is this bit still here

take it away and give me back the i remember eponine lines in the same damn song!!!!

i think that's all for act 2??? even if it it's itls fucking late and this post has exceeded 2k words so fuck it.

general notes

i can trace the 2012 movie influences in places, that was unexpected

splashing waves as the opening imagery of work song

were the msurm factory uniforms always that blue?

did fantine's death always have that white curtain?

fantine spitting on valjean was a hathaway thing, wasn't it?

gavroche gets to keep his this is the land that fought for liberty line! i'm torn about this bc i love those lines but also this is my school, my high society bit was good too

the harmony at the end of red and black!!!! it was like my favourite music change for the move i love that they kept it

entire master of the house scene staging felt very movie-ish, just in the ~vibes~ of it

nose boops!! valjean boops cosette like four times i'm p sure that's a movie popularization

actor / character interpretation thoughts

valjean was good! i liked him better in the first act 24601/madeleine side than on the act 2 fauchlevent side, but still good

fantine was angry and i liked that.

thenardiers were mostly good. weird that they made mme obviously lust over other people??

marius was fun! good balance of earnest lovable genuine and idiot himbo booby.

did not like cosette. this is the first time i've actively disliked a portrayal of cosette and it was a big pity. the musical does enough infantalizing of adult!cosette already, i really did not need the actress to play that up.

mixed opinions about javert. honestly i think he's a fine musical javert i just like my book javert too much. obsessed with jvj, openly defiant to madeleine, very Godly, that kind of thing. but his voice was good and his suicide was extremely unhinged in a good way.

i fucking adored enjolras. he felt older?? which is not exactly the right vibe but it came with the right vibe of authority and calm that i super super appreciated. also he sounded beautiful and his hair was a glorious mane of curls.

grantaire is a delightful garbage bastard man.

i've already talked about gavroche but god gavroche!!!

courfeyrac kept catching my eye in both good ways and bad. kind of felt like he became ami #3? (after enjo and marius, per the musical). very often on enjolras's left, the first to seize a gun, the first to praise jvj on "killing" valjean (that was weird, what was that), etc etc.

song list in playbill was not incorrect but kind of weird. notable mentions:

the entirety of prologue was just listed as prologue

both what have i done and javert's suicide were just listed as soliloquy (not even x's soliloquy)

confrontation wasn't listed at all?? i'd think it was folded into come to me, odd as that seems, except that just has fantine and valjean listed.

drink with me became drink with me to days gone by???

all the little bits and pieces of song missing was expected, but seeing none of the battles listed at all felt a little weird. not even the final battle.

the spotlights on stage were mostly yellow/warm white, except for when someone died/was near death, where they got bright cold white spotlights. except javert -- he got the cold white spotlight in stars, too, and in one day more.

was this an intentional choice to make a statement about javert??

was this just an accidental coincidence??

did other non-dying people get the white spotlight too and i just didn't notice??

[edgessunflower]

Steel Magnolias prompts

"Smile, it increases your face value"

"This is it, I've found it! I am in hell!"

"Pink is my signature color"

"I like the idea of growing old with somebody"

"Children aren't possible"

"Don't talk about me like I'm not here"

"There's plenty of kids out there that need good homes"

"We'll adopt ten of em, we'll buy em if we have to"

"I don't think things can get any worse" "Of course they can"

"You're special [Name], there are limits to what you can do"

"I would rather have thirty minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special"

"I'm not crazy, I've just been in a bad mood for forty years"

"I'm just too colorful for words"

"If you don't have anything nice to say about anybody, come sit by me"

"I'm not as sweet as I used to be"

"And the doctor said she couldn't have children" "The doctor said she shouldn't have children, there's a big difference"

"This baby is not exactly great news"

"That which does not kill us makes us stronger"

"Honey, God don't care which church you go to as long as you show up"

"I have a strict policy that nobody cries alone in my presence"

"Put it in your pocket, we'll go trick or treating right after dinner and let's go in and make some spaghetti-oh..oh [Name]" "Okay...okay yes..let's..let's go call daddy okay?"

"This is the one where you're holding her/him, he/she's looking at you and you're looking at her/him then y'all looked over at me, member?"

"Open your eyes [Name], open your eyes open your eyes look at him/her, she/he wants you to open your eyes [Name], he/she wants you open-open your eyes"

"And it's a really good idea, [Name] wouldn't want us to get mired down and wallow in this...we should handle it the best way we know how and get in with it... that's what my mind says...I wish somebody explain it to my heart"

"[Name] said you never left her/his side for a second" "I couldn't leave my [Name], I just sat there and kept on pushing the way I always have when [Name] was concerned"

"I was hoping he/she'd sit up and argue with me, and finally we realized there was no hope...we turned off the machines, [Name] left he/she couldn't take it"

"[Name] left...I find it amusing, men are supposed to be made out of steel or something but I just sat there...I just held [Name]'s hand.."

"There was no noise, no tremble...just peace...oh god I realize as a human how lucky I am"

"I was there when that wonderful creature drifted into my life and I was there when she/he drifted out...it was the most precious moment of my life"

"I'm fine I'm fine I'M FINE!"

"I can jog all the way to Texas and back but she can't, she never could!"

"I'm so mad I don't know what to do, I wanna know why"

"I wanna know why her life is over, I wanna know how that baby will know how wonderful his/her mother was"

"Will she/he ever know what her/his mother went through for him/her?"

"Oh god I wanna know whyyy! Why!? Lord I wish I could understand!"

"No no no it's not supposed to happen this way, I'm supposed to go first...I've always been ready to go first"

"I..I don't think I can take this, I don't think I can take this...I..I just wanna hit somebody until they feel just as bad as I do, I just wanna hit something and hit it hard!"

"Here! Hit this! Go ahead [Name]! Slap her/him!" "Are you crazy?"

"Hit him/her!" "Are you high [Name]!?"

"[Name] have you lost your mind?" "We'll sell T-shirts that says I slapped [First Name] [Last Name]" "Hit her/him!"

"[Name] enough" "[Name] this is your chance to do something for your fellow man, knock his/her lights out [Name]" "Let go of me!"

"[Name] you just missed the chance of a lifetime" "You are a pig from hell"

"Laughter through tears is my favorite emotion"

"You know I love you more than my luggage"

"You're in my prayers"

"Yes [Name] I pray, well I do there I said it hope you're satisfied" "I had suspected this all along"

"Oh well don't you expect me to come to one of your churches, one of those tent revivals with all those bible beaters doing God only knows what"

"They'll probably make me eat a live chicken" "Not on your first visit!"

"Very good [Name], spoken like a true smart ass"

[alvaroz-starrs]

His death

A fanfic

Headcanons for Byron's past.

(Note: Murder, alcohol, swearing, and abuse. This is how Byron's shitty dad died, and how Mortis helped. I don't consider this very.. Byortis because it's more about how Mortis saved Byron, and this was before they actually dated. Byron was in his late 30's when this happens.)

..

…

This was too much. Even for him. "Father, please. You're drunk, you aren't thinking." Byron was backed into a corner. His father clenched a glass bottle in his fist.

"I know. EXACTLY WHAT TO THINK!" He shattered half of the glass bottle, slamming it against the wall. He pointed it at Byron.

"You. You were supposed to fall in love with her! Even if you didn't- WOULD IT BE SO HARD TO PRETEND?? YOU DARE RUN AWAY WITH THAT FAG."

He grabbed Byron's wrist, squeezing it, and throwing him after Byron showed pain.

"What do you want from me?! I'm a grown. Ass. ADULT. You shouldn't control this anymore! You never should have! It's my life. Leave me alone!" Byron shouted back, voice bouncing off the walls of the ally. He was surprised no one had came to help him. Where was everyone in this huge park? They can't all be in the same place- unless they're all watching the fireworks.

"YOU SHOULD'VE STAYED IN LINE!"

"Abby never wanted to marry me! I never wanted to marry her! Why couldn't you just leave her out of this?"

"Shut up."

"MONEY??? RIGHT? YOU WANTED MONEY-" His father ran towards him, shoved him to the ground. Byron barely dodged the glass bottle.

Byron was shaking the whole time, but now it was worse than ever.

"You're just as much as a sissy as Ben-"

"LEAVE BELLE OUT OF THIS. IT WASN'T HER FAULT YOU TREATED HER LIKE SHIT!"

Byron's father picked up the biggest piece of glass on the floor. Raising his hand with the glass, he-

"AHH- FUCK!" His father yelled an awful scream. With the knife being pulled messley out of his back, he fell to the ground, shaking.

Byron looked up to see who-"M-Mortis.?.."

Mortis' eyes watered. He couldn't look at Byron.

He was still shaking, trying to push himself up.. he huffed. Finding it hard to breathe. He spit curses at the two weakly.

.

..

…

Mortis knew this man would only cause more pain and misery. And Mortis knew he had to put him, out of his own.

Mortis shakely and slowly, prepared himself, and raised the knife.

He killed that poor excuse for a father.

Byron, still shaking, looked at Mortis. He fell on his knees and weeped, filled with regret.

Byron crawled towards Mortis. Hugging, and talking to him.

"T-thank you.. I could've died.."

"I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! T-this sh-shouldn't've happened..Fuck…"

Mortis hugged Byron back, they weeped in each other's arms.

"..Oh gods..I've..k-killed him.."

"It was him or..m-me.." Byron started to choke on his tears. He hugged Mortis tightly, pressing his face against his chest. Muffled crying.

…

Mortis hugged Byron. They both sobbed until someone came to find them.

Byron couldn't stop hearing the noises of his father's cries over the fireworks.

Hours later, they had the blood washed off. Belle, and the others who came, kept an eye on the two. Making sure they were okay. Byron refused to leave Mortis' side, and Mortis refused to leave his.

Despite the night officially setting in, people still lit the sky up. The longer he heard it, the longer he cried. Mortis hugged him, reassuring him that, "..it'll end s-soon."

The two never forgot that night. Neither did the others, even though they were only there for the aftermath.

Byron, hates fireworks.

(Important notes/ headcanons: Abby is the woman I headcanon Byron was forced to marry, thus how he had Colette and Edgar. Her name is Abby only because of an audio I heard that thought fit the characters. Belle and Byron's siblings. Belle is Trans, and I use "Ben" for her dead name. Well, don't actually use it, it's a dead name for a REASON. (Even if it is just a headcanon)

[bubbles-for-all-of-us]

BUBBLES!!! My love, my life, oh. my. goodness!!! before I dive into what has me so emotional: how are you doing on this lovely monday (only this happy for it to be a Monday because of you <3) but seriously! the story you just posted, oh 🥹 my heart can't handle it, it makes me want to grab you and kiss you all over <3 i've had so many ellie x reader (obviously platonic) headcanon ideas!!! I won't share them just yet, first I need to finish the one I started yesterday but soon, I promise!! first, I'd like to congratulate you and thank you for sharing such a beautiful piece with us. I loved the idea, loved how you dealt with ellie having her first period—the panic that she tries to ignore, trying to "pull herself together" is the perfect way to write it and very much in character— but most of all, I adored the way Joel and Reader dealt with that event. I won't get too much into it but I totally agree with how maternal reader is with Ellie and that's how I see their relationship in all my headcanons And joel, my, my, my 😭 this man will be the death of me I swear and I could honestly go on for hours and hours about Ellie and Joel but your genius brain summed it up oh so perfectly it would be stupid to so "Because truly no one could love more than Joel Miller could." YES!! this man loves hard, profoundly, with every fiber of his being, you name it but all in all, being loved by Joel Miller is the greatest thing that could ever happen to you. Also!! love the idea that Ellie truly is Joel's daughter (even if there is no blood relation) but just with how she behaves, you know? Reading the story it felt a bit like "welp...she definitely her daddy's girl 😌" because Joel and Ellie are very similar and they have their own little language but Reader's presence is the perfect catalyst to get them both out of their shells a little and show their more caring side and i. just. find. that. lovely. actually, I loved that so much reading it isn't enough anymore I NEED TO SWALLOW IT!!! gosh that is so weird im so sorry BUT I did manage to find a big flaw in the story: now all I want Joel to take care of me when I get my period and after very thorough research IT. IS. NOT. POSSIBLE. so miss bubbles you are selling us a dream that can never become reality and you're just leaving my poor heart broken over the tragedy that has become my life 😭😭 I want a Joel pls pls pls 😭😭 ALSO (and I will finish with this because it is CAPITAL news) I used to hate the nickname "baby"/"babygirl" for a significant other (just found it weird to call someone who isn't a kid or another baby that lol) BUT NOW all I want is to be called babygirl AND ONLY BY JOEL!!! some other random dude calls me that? ew ew ew BUT JOEL DOES??? ...y-yes? 🫠 okay that's all for now, I'm hoping to send the rest of the headcanon soon and uuuh yeah much love to you my little bubble <3

-🪷

Well, now that I cried for an hour or so... Do you even understand how much joy you bring me? And this is a serious question because uhh I know writers will back me on this but it's so easy to just start to overthink the stuff you put out and start to feel not good enough about what you write. But then there are angels like you and people who take their time to react to the story and just suddenly make you feel like you actually haven't let the whole world down. And I know it's dramatic but it really really means a lot to me. Making you all happy makes me happy! 🤍😭

On the other side, please.... I do need me a Joel Miller. Like it's a crime we can't have him. Cuddles, love, periods like man can do it all. Cruel cruel world. 😭🫧🥲

[taurnachardhin]

Taylor Swift songs that get me in my feelings about cosmere characters

Mistborn Era 1

"Wonderland" (Mare) | didn't they tell us don't rush into things? / didn't you flash your green eyes at me? / haven't you heard what becomes of curious minds?

"hoax" (Kelsier) | my best laid plan / your sleight of hand / my barren land / I am ash from your fire / stood on the cliffside screaming, 'give me a reason' / your faithless love's the only hoax I believe in

"Dear Reader" (Marsh) | dear reader, bend when you can / snap when you have to / dear reader, you don't have to answer / just 'cause they asked you / dear reader, the greatest of luxuries is your secrets / dear reader, when you aim at the devil, make sure you don't miss

"Dancing With Our Hands Tied" (Vin) | I, I loved you in spite of / deep fears that the world would divide us / so, baby, can we dance / oh, through an avalanche? / and say, say that we got it / I'm a mess, but I'm the mess that you wanted

"epiphany" (Sazed) | only twenty minutes to sleep / but you dream of some epiphany / just one single glimpse of relief / to make some sense of what you've seen

Warbreaker

"Would've, Could've, Should've" (Vivenna) | oh, all I used to do was pray / would've, could've, should've / if you'd never looked my way / I would have stayed on my knees / and I damn sure never would've danced with the devil

Stormlight

"tolerate it" (Navani) | I made you my temple, my mural, my sky / now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life / drawing hearts in the byline / always taking up too much space or time

"this is me trying" (Kaladin) | I've been having a hard time adjusting / I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting / I didn't know if you'd care if I came back / I have a lot of regrets about that

"The Archer" (Shallan) | I cut off my nose just to spite my face / then I hate my reflection for years and years / I wake in the night, I pace like a ghost / the room is on fire, invisible smoke

"I Did Something Bad" (Jasnah) | if a man talks shit / then I owe him nothing / I don't regret it one bit / 'cause he had it coming

Mistborn Era 2

"peace" (Steris/Wax) | all these people think love's for show / but I would die for you in secret / the devil's in the details, but you got a friend in me / would it be enough if I could never give you peace?

"cowboy like me" (Wayne) | with your boots beneath my bed / forever is the sweetest con / I've had some tricks up my sleeve / takes one to know one / you're a cowboy like me

"Hits Different" (MeLaan) | I find the artifacts, cried over a hat / cursed the space that I needed / I trace the evidence, make it make some sense / why the wound is still bleedin'

[lavlis-art]

On the Edge

The deafening roar of the waves crashing against the rocks reminded him of the wails of his men drowning, being thrown off the ship by Poseidon's wrath. The sharp wind whistling was the whisper of the departed.

Waiting…

The smell of fish and his hands covered in the blood of sirens, big pleading eyes in a face that shimmered into his wife's as she bled to death. The darkness in the horizon was the lair of Scylla before the torches were lit.

Deep down…

The height of the cliff for an adult man compared to the walls of Troy for an infant. The ledge was steep, a misstep and it was the end.

Just a man…

The kisses and touches of a lover in paradise were scorching, the memory of long dark hair and deep intelligent eyes replaced by the overwhelming sweetness of a goddess. The screaming emptiness longing for the reunion that never came and likely would never come. How could it? 

He became a monster…

Odysseus closed his eyes for a moment and looked down at the endless ocean. Wasn't it wine dark? Why then did it look so much like blood?

Ruthlessness is mercy upon ourselves. 

Was it really? He turned to ruthlessness and his men turned against him, he embraced Poseidon's lesson and lost the remaining forty three of his men.

“You trade the life of thirty six of your men to never see your wife again.” Eurylochus whispered in his ear.

He stepped closer.

“Odysseus?”

A sweet voice, with the gentlest cadence and an awful load of suffocating love. He never asked for that love, never wanted that. Even more after all the horrors and tragedies done by his very own hand.

“All I hear are screams…”

The Trojans, the soldiers, his comrades, his brother, the sirens, his men.

“Ody, get away from the ledge.” Her voice was nearer, he needed the distance.

A step closer.

The Trojans, the soldiers, his comrades, his brother, the sirens, his men, the infant.

Tears streamed down his face, the only sign his broken soul and body could provide for the turmoil inside.

“You don't know what I've gone through. You don't know what I've sacrificed. Every comrade I long knew, every friend, I saw them die.” He cried. “And all I hear are screams…”

“It will be fine, dear. Come back inside, dear. Love of my life, come back to paradise.” She stammered.

Paradise? Odysseus had memories of the true paradise. It was another island, with a woman who couldn't sing in tune but had a warmer embrace. The sound of an infant demanding to be picked up intensified by the barking of a puppy. A full table, good food, wine and the love of an old couple who was proud of the man their son had become.

Would they still be proud of him?

“Let me close my eyes…”

“I know your life's been hard. I'll stay inside your heart.”

“All I hear are screams.”

“I love you, my dear. I love our time here.” She trembled. “Life would be so much worse if you had died.”

Down at the waves, surrounded by roaring wind.

“Just let me close my eyes.” He begged.

Seven years he was stranded there, seven years and she never listened, seven years of crushing obsession disguised as love.

“Please stay away from harm, stay in my”

“All I hear are-”

“open arms.”

Silence, the ghost of Polites appeared before him. Odysseus lifted his hand trying to hold his friend’s clothes.

“This life is amazing when you greet it with open arms.”

Behind him, Eurylochus sneered.

“How much longer till your luck runs out?”

Anticlea sat by the edge staring at the horizon, chanting as she had been for the past decade.

“Waiting, waiting, waiting…”

His friend put a hand on his shoulder and placed his fist over his chest. “Whatever we face, we'll be fine if we're leading from the heart.”

His right hand man judged him with heavy eyes. “How much longer till the show goes south?”

Oh. It went so long ago. So long. He could barely remember when it wasn’t. His feet moved closer.

Polites’ face was in front of him, a shining smile and worried eyes. “No matter the place, we can light up the world. Here's how to start.”

His intangible hands pushed his shoulders away from the edge, there was no touch and yet. Odysseus tumbled backwards when he meant to go forward. It all was too much to bear, the little grasp his mind had in his body gave up. He found himself on his knees. His brother frowned, staring at the few steps between him and the fall.

“How much longer till we all fall down?”

For what seemed to be the first time, his mother really looked at him, sorrowful eyes as her arms wrapped around his body, soon joined by his best friend’s.

“Waiting, waiting, waiting…”

“Greet the world with open arms, greet the world with open arms…”

Odysseus broke down, bawling as he crumbled into himself. Sobs wrecked his body as Polites and Anticlea sang to him. He was too old. Too frail. Too scared. He needed help and there was only one Olympian he'd reach out for. His voice broke as he wailed.

“Athena!”

I need an Odysseus who is legit Haunted by everyone. Like, actually ghosts, that follow him around and talk to him. Odysseus startled on Calypsos island because he must being going insane, he can see Polites and Eurylochus and his mom. Turns out his close brush with death made him able to see them. After the ghosts realize Odysseus can see them they go crazy. At first Eurylochus refuses to talk to Odysseus. Odysseus is pretty sure he is actually insane. Calypso is so confused why this man keeps talking to the air. Anticlea attempts to hug her son and everyone sobs.