#I've never been one to like not be open. I've talked about hormones with cis people. I've talked about dysphoria. I'd again always genuinely

[theood]

Also re my "being trans isn't a death sentence" post, I'd rather answer the same 10 awkwardly asked questions about "what's it like? Like, being trans?" than the alternative where I groan and roll my eyes and just stay in a circle jerk of negativity posting about how it's so hard being trans and the only day I'll know peace is when I'm dead

[raevenlywrites]

6-10 for the pride asks? I love learning about the journeys other community members are on

6.(If you're out) do you wish you came out sooner? Later? Or was it the right time?

Being closeted has never really been an option for me. I'm too big a loud mouth XD the best I managed was waiting to have the talk with my mom til after I was 18, just to be safe

7. Are you the "token" queer person in your family?

We're all some flavor of queer, though some of us are definitely more than others

8. Describe your gender without using any words traditionally related to gender:

My gender is Raev. Sometimes I put on other genders like layering a button up over a tee, but it's always in a very Raeven way

9. When did you realize you weren't cishet?

I grew up conservative christian, so there was a lot about myself I tried to will away. But around 18 I stopped being able to pretend. Other things have followed as I've had the space and energy to explore, but basically once the hormones kicked in and went "yay sex!" it was pretty obvious that I was yay sex about more than just one mythical perfect husband god picked out for me XD

10 Something that gives you gender euphoria (whether you're cis or trans):

I get gender euphoria when I feel I hit my fashion goal of looking like Gonzo from the Muppets or Robin Williams from the Birdcage. But also when I catch people feeling the vibes, like asking me to open jara or walk them to their cars or reach down tall things or doing that confused "sir? ma'am? sir?"

Happy Pride! Get Nosy

[a-womans-rhetoric]

Natalie Wynn's "J.K. Rowling" and Disruptive use of Women's Rhetorical Tropes: A Defiant Reply to Transmisogyny

ContraPoints, surrounded by an opulent, candle-lit set and adorned in witch's garb, leisurely pours champagne into her glass — she's ready to breach the internet's hottest topic of January, 2021: her childhood idol being outed as a transphobe (link here). The video itself being over an hour and a half long, I would be hard-pressed to claim that I could ever hope to cover its entirety, comprehensively, in a single post. So to save-face, I'll be dedicating this space only to breaking down her most frequently used rhetorical tropes, one by one.

Irreverence

"Joanne, I wanna talk to you, Joanne! [Fans herself with a rainbow paper fan with the word "BIOLOGICAL" written across it] What is it about Joannes? I can't catch a break from these people" (00:23-00:29, emphasis added).

Wynn's introductory lines immediately open a dialogue with J.K. Rowling — however, this invitation of discourse is defiantly "irreverent" (reminiscent of Nomy Lamm's punk-feminist style in "It’s a Big Fat Revolution” (1995)). Contrapoints, herself a transgender woman, is aware that her very existence is considered in opposition to the TERF-ideology that Rowling subscribes to. Thus, she's rather playful — even openly disrespectful — with her diction: calling the British author by her first name in a mocking-tone and flaunting her own trans identity to the camera (in a way that would likely offend the fragile sensibilities of a transphobe). Her personal tone (with ample use of the pronoun "I") servers a duplicitous purpose: a simultaneous message of "sit down and listen" and a fair degree of "I don't care if you can't accept me."

"So, now that 2020 is finally over, I think we can let the record conclusively show that it was a year whomst is bad. And on top of everything else going on, truly the last thing we needed was the author of Harry Potter coming forward to announce there's two things she can't stand: bigotry, and the transgenders. (00:31 - 00:50, emphasis added).

Finally broaching the subject at hand directly, Wynn employs kairos alongside her irreverence. Kairos, or the rhetorical use of an "opportune moment," holds incredible weight in the first month after 2020: the year in which the whole world fell into a stasis. Characterizing Rowling's transphobia as a collective "the last thing we needed," is also rather dismissive — she unites herself with her audience with the pronoun "we" and invites us all to groan at the exasperating nature of Rowling's bigotry.

Claiming the Right to Speak / Personal Experience

"This is a painful topic for me all around because, as a transgender woman, I am honestly really hurt by a lot of the things Joanne has said in the last year. But I also know what it's like to be the target of a Twitter mob" (01:36-01:47).

As she begins to touch on the topic, Natalie Wynn claims the right to speak on the issue of Rowling's transphobia — a type of bigotry that directly effects her. However, Wynn also situates herself partially with Rowling in her acknowledgement that receiving Twitter backlash is a terrifying experience (an experience, she argues, that the human brain is not prepared to handle the scale of, 01:49-02:39). In treating her subject with such dignity — and adding her own deeply personal account— ContraPoints creates a credible ethos in the beginning of her video essay. The audience is inclined to listen to someone who has been directly effected by the subject of Rowling's controversy (transphobia) and someone who is, rather compassionately, willing to empathize with those who would wish her harm. Although the generally sassy, glamorous, and irreverent tone of the video still appears soon after (see: the above image), her opening up for this somber moment garners a fair degree pathos in the viewer — we, as human beings, are inclined to sympathize with people who are open about being hurt.

Metis (Embodied Rhetoric)

[The following ContraPoints quote is addressing the above J.K. Rowling tweet, content warning for transmisogyny] "Transphobes love to play this game where they pretend that trans people just don't understand basic biology, that's our problem! As if I didn't start taking female hormones because I'm acutely aware that my body is not the same as a cis woman's body, that sex is real. "[Fictional TERF character] You will never be a woman, Nathan. Every cell in your body is male and has a Y chromosome." Really? That's crazy. How you'd you learn so much about science? You know I don't really feel the need to have a second X chromosome, I get by with only one, I make it work. I actually like the Y chromosome, I think it's a little more dainty, you know, it's little softer, a little more petite. The X chromosome has a lot of extra appendages, and don't you think? I don't need anymore of those, thanks. No trans person thinks it's possible to change chromosomal sex and to pretend otherwise is to argue in bad faith" (08:47-09:34).

If you can excuse my gargantuan quote, I hope you'll agree that the dialogue ContraPoints builds here was just too good to cut short. Within this excerpt, we see Wynn's use of irreverance and personal experience blended seamlessly together. For this YouTuber, the personal is perpetually political — especially when her own identity is constantly taken as an ideological stance. She uses her own expertise in trans issues to pick apart just how disingenuous Rowling's assertions are — even accusing her of "argue[ing] in bad faith" with her reductive claims (later, taking specific issue with how Rowling treats trans-ness as a costume). But, here, she also directly invokes another rhetorical trope: that of metis, or embodied rhetoric. Natalie Wynn specifically references her transgender body as a sort of counterpoint to the condescending "sex is real" claims by TERFs. She cites her intrinsic desire to pursue hormonal therapy as evidence that she — and other trans people like her — are all "acutely aware" that there are chromosomal differences between themselves and cis women. With this salient statement, she then follows with some humor: which, again, utilizes her trans body in her rhetoric. Her characterization of the Y chromosome as "more petite" and playful declaration of not needing "extra appendages" lightens up the often dark tone that arguing for trans rights and liberation can take. The clever points she makes are by no means weakened by her humor — if anything, the audience is more willing to listen to someone who can "joke about themselves" (so to speak) while still arguing an incredibly important message.

Naming and Defining Issues

"When I see Joanne tweeting about how trans people think sex isn't real and they're erasing same-sex attraction and they're silencing women, alarm bells are ringing because I recognize these as familiar transphobic talking points, specifically TERF talking points. "TERF" means trans exclusionary radical feminism. God are we still talking about this? I promise this is the last time. So TERFism is a hate movement that disguises transphobia as feminism. ... The fundamental problem with TERFs is not that they're mean. It's that they're politically reactionary, they want to reverse the progress of trans liberation." (14:05-16:02)

In her definition of TERF rhetoric, Natalie Wynn outlines some dog-whistles that are obvious to her, as a trans woman. She calmly explains to the viewer that, oftentimes in the present-day, rhetorics of exclusion are thoroughly disguised; TERFs, specifically, hide their rampant transphobia as a form of feminism. However, she further clarifies that the specific "danger" that TERFs pose is not from their cruelty — it's from their fervent dedication to strip away trans rights through political means. By specifying this danger, Natalie Wynn shifts the conversation away from empty discussion of offensiveness/terminology, to issues which directly affect the lives of trans people every day.

[This portion addresses the picture above] Also an act of naming and defining, ContraPoints makes a distinction between "Direct" and "Indirect Bigotry." She argues that many people envision bigotry as a festering, public, frothing-at-the-mouth hatred — a phenomenon she dubs "the Westboro Baptist Church theory of bigotry" (20:06). In bringing attention to the human tendency to think of people as exclusively practicing "direct bigotry" — envisioning them as a sort of delusional "other" — she then forces the audience to contemplate the relative omni-presence of the more covert (and possibly alluring) "indirect bigotry." This definition, crucially, requires introspection. By allowing ourselves to think of bigots not exclusively as "Westboros," we're made to adopt a much more nuanced view of subjects (most) generally prefer to keep black-and-white. Natalie Wynn uses her J.K. Rowling case study to complicate this 2D view of "The Bigot," inviting others to more carefully examine how politically reactionary views develop.

Phew, this was probably the longest post I've ever typed up on tumblr! Hopefully, I succeeded in demystifying (or at least adding clarity to) some of the specific tropes ContraPoints uses (that are common to women's rhetorics as a whole). Thanks for reading if you stuck around this long, and my ask box is always open!

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

I know y'all've answered trans asks before (you've answered some of my trans ask but I'm still going to apologize for not being a bi question. Anyway, I've been considering taking testosterone on and off for a while to attain more androgyny/masculinity but I'm worried it'll be a bad decision or that I'd regret going on if I do, especially since the biggest reason for wanting it is the vocal change. I know I can just not take T and do vocal training but that never feels like enough (but I guess it's also kinda on me for not getting into the habit of training consistently). I know of some of the physical changes too, and while I don't think the fat distribution change would really do much for me since Im pretty thin I think some of the physical changes would also help relieve some dysphoria. Im sorry I guess it's less of a question and more of a vent and that I should probably talk to someone about it but it's such a difficult like, conversation because i'm nonbinary so transition goals are a little less straightforward than if i were binary.

hi nonnie. i totally understand how you feel. i’m “binary” in that i do see myself as male but i always saw myself as a very effeminate guy, so when i first started taking T i was worried that i would become Too Masc(TM). personally though i am really glad i started and feel so much better and like myself on it. 

some disclaimers i do say to everyone i talk to abt going on T - everyone is affected differently by it. just because it’s listed as something that typically happens, doesn’t necessarily mean that it absolutely will happen if you go on T. i always call it a “Genetic Lottery”, because it really just kind of depends on your own genes and also how high your dosage is, whether ur using gel or injecting it, etc. some trans people look at the cis guys in their family as a potential for how T might effect them but ultimately it’s one of those things that are like you can’t really know for sure until you do it. 

honestly i know plenty of nonbinary ppl who’ve gone on hormones and are glad about it. regardless of gender identity most doctors will start you off on a low dose to see how you like it and adjust from there. i would talk to a gender therapist about it and also to the doctor prescribing it and see what their thoughts and recommendations on. some people also prefer the gel instead of injections because they are not as strong, and also because of a fear of needles, but it does need to be considered carefully since the gel can rub off on other people especially if you have a partner and/or are sexually active. also you can always stay on the low dose if you like what ur changes are and don’t feel a need to increase it. it’s totally up to you !!

anyways i hope this helps a bit. hormones are definitely not necessary so if you decide not to or that it’s not the right time now that’s perfectly valid. what matters most is what you feel is right and will lead to happiness for you. 

i am pretty candid about the changes i’ve gotten from T, physical or otherwise, so if you want to know anything specific you can always ask. like i said it is different for everyone but i know that hearing people’s experiences can be helpful as well so im open to that jsyk. :)

Wes

[anarcoqueer1994]

I've seen so many trans!Tj fics so can you do trans!Cyrus?

So I really liked this prompt(I mean like as a trans non-binary person, any excuse to shamelessly include more trans characters is great. <3) I hope you like the story!

 

TJ opened his front door to find his best friend standing in the rain, looking seconds away from falling apart.  He instinctively pulled the brown eyed boy into his arms (and out of the storm.) As he hugged him he whispered “Underdog? What happened?” TJ knew that his clothes are going to be soaked from holding the rain drenched Cyrus, but he doesn’t care. He never has when it came to that boy.

 

“Reed…” was all that Cyrus could managed to push across his teeth. It came out muffled as Cyrus’ face was buried in the taller boy’s shoulder.

 

A flash of red crossed TJ’s eyes as anger started to fill his head. He should of guessed. It’s always Reed. Cyrus and Reed had been dating on and off since their freshmen year. TJ had hoped by now, more than three years later, that Cyrus would stop going back to him. It was a constant cycle. Reed would hurt and break Cyrus down, and TJ would always be there to put back the pieces of his shattered friend. But then like clockwork, Reed would weasel his way back into the picture. He would do some grand gesture and Cyrus would forgive him.

 

Honestly, TJ believed that Cyrus was too nice for his own good. He always wanted to see the best in everyone. But it gets him hurt so often. TJ has never hated anyone as much as he hates Reed. How could anyone ever make this beautiful brunette feel so bad? How could Reed make him cry like this? A thought crosses TJ’s mind briefly. "If I was with Cyrus, I would never make him cry…”

 

TJ must have been shaking in anger, because Cyrus pulls slightly away from the hug. “Teej…”

 

“I’m sorry. I just hate that he hurt you again…”

 

Cyrus looks down, refusing to meet the green eyes boring into him. “Yea….I think it’s really over this time.”

 

TJ bites his bottom lip, forcing the words he want to say to stay in his mouth. He wants to believe Cyrus that it is really over but is having trouble with that. Cyrus has said that before. Fuck. Why does his friend love such an asshole? Why can’t Cyrus see how much he loves him. How he would never make him feel bad. How he would cherish everyday with him. But he can’t say this out loud, not now at least. So  he chokes out “What happened?” instead.

 

Cyrus feels his breath catch in his throat. He whimpers "Can we get out of the doorway, first?"

 

TJ nods and heads to the steps leading upstairs. Cyrus follows him having been in this house a million times. They move softly past Amber's closed bedroom door. She is on a date with Andi. The Kippen siblings' parents are both working 3rd shift tonight so they are alone in the house.

 

They soon reach the bedroom Cyrus has sat in many nights before, crying on TJ's shoulder over some new terrible thing Reed has done. When TJ closes the door behind them, he walks to his closet. He pulls out a pair of sweatpants and white T-shirt and throws them over to his friend.

 

He cracks a smile "Here, dry clothes, you look like a wet rat."

 

He manages to get a small laugh out of that from the other boy as he takes the clothes. TJ looks away as Cyrus changes, looking back in time to only see a small glimpse of the tiny scars from Cyrus' top surgery a year prior.

 

He thinks back to that time for a moment. Reed had barely come by while he recovered. Everyone else had been there a lot and TJ practically moved in. He was there everyday even when Cyrus told him he didn't have to "waste" all his time with him. But Reed kept making excuses and Cyrus accepted them. He accepted them every damn time. He pushes the thoughts away, he doesn't want to get more upset.

 

He focuses back on the boy who is now sitting crossed leg on the floor, leaning his back on TJ's bed. TJ's heart breaks at the site of the puffy red eyes and broken face staring up at him. He steps closer before taking a seat next to his best friend. He wraps his arm around Cyrus' shoulder and pulls him close, waiting patiently for him to be ready to talk.

 

"I caught him cheating..." Cyrus finally says breaking the silence.

 

TJ's grip around Cyrus gets tighter. He can't believe anyone would cheat on the amazing person sitting next him. What makes this worse though, is that this isn't even the first time Reed has cheated. The first time was sophomore year when he made out with this girl Andrea at some game. The second time was with Lester of all people. And now he has done it again. The blond whispers, "I'm so, so sorry Cyrus..."

 

"Its my own fault..." Cyrus says in a defeated voice. "I should of known better than to take him back again..."

 

"This isn't on you, Cy...you are just a nice person who can be too trusting at times. I love that about you." TJ smiles softly.

 

Cyrus turns to look towards the wall to the side of them. "Well it definitely over this time."

 

"Wanna talk about it?"

 

A tear wells up again in Cyrus' eye as he nods. He shakily begins to recount what happened an hour prior.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~

He and and his now ex-boyfriend had been cuddling on the couch in Reed's living room. Cyrus had his head on the other boy's shoulder, lazily scrolling through Instagram. His heart dropped when he saw a picture that Reed had been tagged in.

 

Reed had visited a college last weekend. Well apparently it wasn't just informational. The picture showed him obviously at a frat party, with some guy kissing on his neck. Cyrus immediately pulls away.

 

"Hey? What's wrong baby?" Reed scrunches up his eyebrows in confusion. In response, Cyrus hands him the phone. When he looks down at the picture, he gets a guilty look on his face.

 

"Cy..." he says quietly.

 

"Don't 'Cy' me. What is going on in this picture? Who is this guy?"

 

"He was just some random guy I met at a party I went to when I did the college overnight ..."

 

"Well why is this random guy kissing MY boyfriend?" Cyrus chokes out, trying to appear like his heart didn't feel like Reed stepped on it.

 

"Cyrus, I'm so sorry. It was a dumb party and there was drinking and you know how it is with guys sometimes? Like sometimes things just happen."

 

"No, that's not an excuse!" Cyrus' voice gets louder. "Guys can control their actions, even hormonal teenage boys! I have never cheated on you!"

 

The yelling causes Reed to yell back. Without thinking he yells "You wouldn't understand! You aren't even a real...!" He stops when he realizes what is about to leave his mouth.

 

Cyrus takes an oddly calm, shallow breath. He prods. "A real what?"

 

"Cyrus..."

 

"A real what, Reed? A real guy?"

 

"I...I didn't say that." Reed tries to defend.

 

Cyrus closes his eyes momentarily. When he opens them again, tears are falling down his face. "You didn't have to say it...I know what you meant. I thought you were one of the few people who actually accepted me 100% without a doubt. I was wrong. " Reed tries to reach for Cyrus' hand but is rejected.

 

With that, Cyrus turned and ran out of the house into the rain. Reed called after him but he did not stop. He didn't stop running until his body instinctively led him to TJ's door.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I'm going to kick his fucking ass..." TJ spit out. He has never wanted to do something more.

 

"Teej, please don't. He isn't worth it..." Cyrus pleads softly as he turns his head awkwardly to meet TJ's face for the first time in a while.

 

TJ responds by whispering. "Okay...but Cy, you know what he said wasn't true, right?"

 

Cyrus feels a pange of sadness radiate from his chest. In a voice that TJ has to strain to hear, he whimpers "I guess...it’s just..." he voice becomes overrun by sharp sobs he can't control. His cheeks were stained with tears as he tries to continue. "I'm so stupid..."

 

TJ turns so he can throw both arms around his hurting friend. "No...no you're not..." He traces soothing circles over Cyrus' back.

 

"TJ, I...I am." He continues to cry as he speaks. "Part of me is so scared that no one will ever really love me....like the whole me. The reason I kept taking Reed back was because I thought... despite whatever he did...I thought, he at least didn't see me as some freak. I thought he saw me like he would see any cis guy... But I was wrong." Cyrus can't talk anymore. The tears overwhelmed him, and he is burying his face into the other boy's shoulder. He notices the vague scent of citrus that always seemed to radiate off TJ's skin.

 

TJ pulls him closer somehow, holding on so tight that he was threatening never to let go. "I'm so sorry...I'm sorry..."

 

Cyrus lifts his head slightly, staying in the jock's arms. " I should be apologizing for ruining your night with my drama...I'm sorry...and..thank you..."

 

"No problem Cy...but please don't apologize.  You could never ruin my night..."

 

Cyrus felt his heart skip a beat as his words got caught in the back of his throat. The feelings that he always tried to suppress for his best friend came bubbling up. It was hard not to want TJ especially when he was being so sweet and kind. But Cyrus had been dating Reed so he always ignored the way he felt for TJ.

 

But...now he is single...maybe he could....

 

TJ noticed how Cyrus had seemingly zoned out. "Muffin...what are you thinking about?"

 

Cyrus blushes at the familiar nickname. He is hoping TJ can't tell through the redness and tear streaks from crying. He answers in a hesitant voice. "You actually... I don't know how I got so lucky to have you in my life...Like I've never had someone I care about so much. Don't get me wrong, I love Jonah, and Marty, and Amber, and of course Buffy and Andi...but with you its different. When I came here, I wasn't consciously thinking about it. My body just brought me here, like you were the only person I wanted to talk to after what happened."

 

Now it was TJ's turn to blush and it was very obvious as he smiles down at the floor, arms still around his the cute, awkward, sweet, dork he has loved since the 7th grade.  He looks back up, eyelids fluttering for a moment before making eye contact with Cyrus.

 

"You make me want to be around you, Cyrus. You are just the best person I know. And...and...I hate Reed so much. And a big part of the reason why was because I didn't like how he would always hurt you. You didn't deserve that." He pauses briefly trying to decide if he was going to continue. But Cyrus stares at him intently, so he continues.. "But a small part of me hates him for another reason. I'm jealous of him. He got to be your boyfriend and I was just the best friend. And I love being that to you, I really do. But also...I wanted to be the one who got to hold your hand, the one to take you on dates, to kiss you... I would never make you feel bad about who you are. I love every part of you. I would never hurt you. I would never take you for granted, Underdog.”

 

“TJ…” Cyrus whispers. “Do…do you mean that?”

 

“Cyrus, why do you think I have never dated anyone? Its not like I’m short on options. “ TJ smirks playfully. But Cyrus knows he is right.  The other gay guys(and of course girls) fawn over TJ. Who could blame them though? TJ keeps on. “I just have only had eyes for one person, but up until now they were taken.” TJ lean forward, face inches from Cyrus’. “God, you are so cute.”

Cyrus meet TJ’s gaze nervously.  “Really? Even though I’m…”

 

TJ cuts him off before he can finish. “Yes of course. That doesn’t matter to me, you know that. It never has.”

 

Cyrus blushes. “TJ, I think…no I know. I love you so much…not just love you. I am in love with you”

 

TJ practically chokes on the breathe he didn’t even know he was holding. He gives the other boy a little smile that tells Cyrus that TJ is just as much in love with him.  The basketball player reaches his hand out, cupping the brunette’s cheek. He softly asks. “Can you kiss me?”

 

Cyrus bites his bottom lip before nodding. He leans forward slowly and gently places his lips against TJ’s. It feels delicate and soft, almost like he is afraid to break TJ into a million pieces. He knows that this is his friend’s first kiss. When he pulls away, TJ is smiling at him like he has just seen him in a brand new light. The taller boy whispers “Thank you…for that…for making that happen for us.” The more words that leave his mouth, the redder he gets.

 

“No problem, Teej…and if you want, we can do that more often.” Cyrus winks.

 

“I think I would like that…” TJ replies before pulling Cyrus into his arms. Something tells Cyrus that he doesn’t plan to let go anytime soon.

[luciferising]

Hey, it's the same trans guy that asked about your nipples (or lack of). So I've begun my journey to get a diagnosis and hopefully surgery+hormones later. What can I expect once I start T? I know the physical but if there are other (Like emotional, sex drive etc.)

hey again! this is a big question with a long answer!

What To Expect When You’re Expecting: Testosterone Edition

a note about physical changes (i know you said you know what to expect)

it’s normal to have an emotional reaction to your body changing physically on t. you might have mixed feelings about the changes, that’s okay. you might be frustrated about not knowing your body while it’s changing. that’s okay. you will adapt and learn about your new body.

you might be a little annoyed that you have to wear deodorant more. you might ask god why you got hair on your butt immediately but had to wait months for leg hair.

comparing yourself to cis men will get you nowhere. comparing yourself to other trans men will get you nowhere. focus on yourself. celebrate your two stomach hairs.

this goes for hormonal changes and surgical changes. every body is different and will react differently to hormones/surgery. ex: i have an indented chest, so regardless of how my chest surgery went my left side will always protrude more than my right side.

emotional changes

the first few weeks i was on t i noticed i was much more energetic (kinda normal according to my doctor). if you’re an anxious person you might feel very on edge/anxious during this time, but it’ll pass.

i don’t cry nearly as often, i think it’s been like twice in the past 8 months or so. i’ve heard a bunch of transmasc ppl say that happens.

it was the kind of thing i didn’t really notice until someone else commented about themselves crying less. i don’t really miss it.

i still do have mood swings, anxiety, and depressive episodes (i have bipolar 2), but they are less extreme/severe than they used to be. again, heard that a bunch, i don’t think it’s unique to me.

i am NOT more quick to anger than i was pre-t. that’s a scare tactic to keep ppl from seeking out hrt.

i’m not as scared/anxious as i used to be. i don’t know if that’s from t or just from learning to accept and love myself more. either way, i’m happy about it!

sexual changes

i’m horny all the time. scorpio doesn’t think my drive has increased that much since starting t, but i think i’m on fire all the time.

my sexuality changed. i used to find myself almost exclusively attracted to women, rarely feeling attracted to men. it’s kind of flipped. i am mostly attracted to men now. my taste in men has also changed from very petite/twinkie men to big physically tuff men.

i’ve been told this is normal, but it really freaked me out when it started happening.

the way i experience attraction has also changed. i don’t really know how to explain it other than that now my attraction feels more intense, almost burning.

i’m more visual now than i used to be. i get more aroused from photos of scorpio now than i did prior to t.

i know this is a physical change but: your dick will feel different. it’s like having a new appendage. it’ll take some time to adjust the new type of sensation. if you have a partner (or partners) they can help you figure out what feels good, too. it can be frustrating!

ok so one thing no one warned me about that i wish i had been prepared for was the role changes and social changes that happen once you start to pass.

people started acting like i was in charge of things (at my work) that i am not in charge of. I am repeatedly mistaken for a manager. customers at my store will look to me for answers over my female coworkers because i look like a guy. they believe my answers. even other coworkers do this. i don’t know anything at all, but they treat my answer like it’s handed down from God maybe 2/3rds of the time.

people in general just seem to think “hey he’s a guy, he knows what’s going on,” i never know what’s going on. i can’t believe cis men just live like this. never assume a guy knows anything. we never do.

guys do handshakes with other guys. i don’t know why. i don’t like it. i miss getting more hugs. just hug them. hug your guy friends. they don’t get enough affection and warmth.

guys aren’t intimate with each other that often. i am very open with my friends, and i encourage them to be open. but sometimes i think it must be very lonely being a guy. they don’t talk to each other that much.

i really have to watch how i interact with women now. i look like a threat. i’m kinda tall, i wear black and i wear big boots. i look threatening, especially at night.

big thing: even if you are small! when you look like a guy women will still be uneasy around you if they don’t know you! accept this. do what you can to make them less uneasy, i.e. don’t walk right behind them, don’t stare at them, etc.

coming off of that, once you look like a guy, you can’t act like you’re still a woman. you can’t go into women’s spaces anymore, you aren’t welcome there anymore. you’re a guy. even though you’re afab you have to respect this boundary. you have to listen to women when they enforce this boundary.

bathrooms: no one talks to each other in there. get in, get out. you don’t need to smile or say hello, or even make eye contact.

[jameswrites]

Trans dude checking in. I dig a lot of the stuff above and just want to say:

Men cry too!

But since starting T I'm having a much harder time, physiologically, crying than I ever did. This is incredibly frustrating. Do you know how nice it feels to finally in the comfort of your own room let out the poison of the day or week or month? I do!

But not lately. And believe me this isn't internalized machismo, I have a sincere belief and understanding from 24 years of open and (mostly) unashamed crying to let out toxic feelings and let the good ones in, so I often very much want to cry and just can't find it in me to do so.

So I talked to other men about this, cis and trans. Did you know some other men want to cry too? They hear it can be helpful. They want to let their emotions out and just wrangle things but they know they're stunted and it's hard!

That's got it's own look too. Trying to cry, sincerely cry, not as an act not as crocodile tears, but just openly cry.

You take a deep breath, try to feel that shudder, that tension. You swallow hard and focus on feeling the emotions. You shut your eyes and then open them slowly, you try to feel that pain just a bit stronger in the hopes that this time the body might recognize it as pain that's physical and let you actually cry. Because sometimes it's sincerely a body blockage.

I was a massive crier and now it's like I can't even access it for therapy except twice and this last time it was as a result of so much emotional and mental abuse and the threat of physical abuse that I developed rapid PTSD. I cried like 50 minutes and was so exhausted I thought I'd pass out.

So what does this mean in your story?

Men wanting to cry because they see it helps but having no idea what to do. So they're like, ok ok let's approach this like a problem. My lack of crying might be even worse for me, so how do I do it? Uhh.... I don't know! Better figure that out. Think...think about even more sad stuff? Ok got it.

And they do but nothing happens. This is a problem they are trying to solve but it's not that easy.

At least for me, the list of things I've cried about in the last 2 months have been:

A sad brown leaf

A mushroom that's moldy

Professor has a spot of sticky on her fur

Not my ptsd regarding my abusive roommate because what goof would it do me to cry about this thing I have to face every day If I have to face them every day? Until my therapist asked me to cry. THEN I cried finally. And it felt so good as my face was wet and ugly and my cheeks were irregularly flushed ruddy red and my voice cracked worse than a teen boy, I did stream tears. Because folks it might not ' seem' realistic to let stoic male characters cry like that, but I've been the one to help my male friends cry since I was like 10, and let me tell you once that levy breaks they're gone, they're massively through with holding it in.

Like, write crying however works for your character. They may very well cry like the above! I've seen that too, We probably all have.

But it's not the only way men, even though men, can cry. And not all tough men are harboring this fear of crying, men just can have a harder time crying that isn't just psychology but literal actual hormones.

Those things that ' shouldn't' have made me cry did because they reminded me of one thing and those rights cascaded onto me like a river flooding in heavy rain no one expected. I was suddenly and violently overwhelmed with emotion which I never had happen like that when I was not taking testosterone.

I had no defense because I didn't even know an attack was coming.

Crying can happen, even when you don't want it in that particular place. Like I really didn't want to be in the park crying yet there I was in public crying, a thing I'd been actively trying to do.

Do with this info as you will. All I'm trying to say is there are so So many ways to characterize it and just saying tough men do or do not do this is not speaking to everyone's story, including real life people's that I've helped out while they're crying.

a tip for writing crying scenes

you know that feeling when your head starts to hurt from trying to hold in your tears for too long? yeah. people should use that in their writing more.

especially if your character has a tough exterior.

characters who tend to hide their emotions won’t cry in front of others easily, so don’t have your tough, secretive guy all of a sudden start bawling in the middle of a rom com.

they’re going to want to hide their sadness no matter how much they want some comfort, so describing how their head is pounding from holding back a flood of tears is a pretty effective way to show they’re hurting.

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