#I've honestly been really torn up about her death

[starfeatheratelier]

A Farewell to Tokitae

[barrenclan]

for the next music post: bird song by f+tm is a good one for rainhaze killing asphodelpaw (& then, depending on how the rest of the story goes, him subsequently being haunted by his actions)

Ahh, Bird Song is such a classic. You know the visual I can imagine for this; Rainhaze speaking to himself/his conscience/previous self as the "bird", as he wanders to BarrenClan territory. And then in the part of the song where he kills the "bird", it cuts to him having killed Asphodelpaw.

"Well I didn't tell anyone, but a bird flew by Saw what I'd done he set up a nest outside, And he sang about what I'd become He sang so loud, sang so clear I was afraid all the neighbours would hear, So I invited him in, just to reason with him I promised I wouldn't do it again"

"I opened my mouth to scream and shout Waved my arms and flapped about But I couldn't scream I couldn't shout, The song was coming from my mouth"

Yeah, Rainhaze. Fuck McCafferty though.

"And I know that I'm not a nice guy I hurt people's feelings, I guess I should die But my body says hurt myself, and my heart says to harm myself"

"How did I get like this? So afraid of everything"

Wow, yeah, it really is. Look at these lyrics.

"We're machines that breathe and weep And look really good Trained to kill"

"Send me back in time And I'll bring us back in line Just tell me whose mother I have to kill" <- ermmm. well.

"And I've replaced my heart With metal parts And I'm working out just fine But I can't get it to start"

Lmao? Okay YouTube thanks

JULIE AND THE PHANTOMS MENTIONED!! This AU idea is actually along the lines of my original draft of the script; originally Asphodelpaw and Pinepaw wouldn't have a last moment of connection before she was murdered, so he'd be more torn about her death. But yeah, wailing, I love this song. Watch this show.

"No time for goodbyes Didn't get to apologize Pieces of a clock that lies broken"

"If you could only know I never let you go And the words I most regret Are the ones I never meant to leave Unsaid Emily"

Another classic! I think I've been suggested this one before, but it fits very well of course. Cormorantpaw specifically I can imagine singing it; goes well with Issue 33.

"All day I've been wondering what is inside of me Who can I blame for it? I say it runs in the family"

"But business is business and business runs in the family We tend to bruise easily, mad in the blood I'm telling you 'cause I just want you to know me"

Wilbur Soot is honestly a pretty good voiceclaim for Rainhaze.

"Under the weight of a broken nose It's not that simple, but he won't seem to notice There must be more to this"

"Would do something, if it wasn't all so effortful 'Cause I'm so high, my brain can't even look at the fall And when you've reached the top there's nowhere else to go but-"

I hadn't, but I do like it!

"I'm alive and I can see The water is foul and it's hard to breathe There's lead in the water, there's lead in the water There's lead in the water, and you think that I'm fine I'm stained by the water and only the water I'm drained by the water, are you losing your mind? Dead in the water, dead in the water"

No, I haven't heard of this one before! But you're right, it's very fitting! Also, psh, no one has ever animated before you start animating. If you want to, go for it. I'd certainly be interested!

"Oh, in Pine Point, where I was born The roads are all overgrown And no one's lived there for years The town was never the same The mine was closed in '88 And everyone disappeared"

"Oh, in Pine Point It's deteriorating And your memory started fading"

[galvanizedfriend]

what are your top ten favorite klaroline fics?

Hello, nonnie! I see your asks have made the rounds. Really nice to see lots of rec lists circulating!

I had to give this a thought. It's very hard to come up with just 10. I could easily do a part II. 😂 But without further ado, and in no particular order, 10 of my favorite KC fics:

. The Parisian Deal by Borzoi

I honestly vary between The Parisian Deal and Paradise Lost as my favorite Borzoi fics. It depends. I think I'm in my Parisian Deal era, though. I've recced this a few times over the last few months, whenever someone's asked me for my favorites or humanity-less Caroline fics. For me, this is the best one that comes to mind. Borzoi's fics are all brilliant. I love their writing style to bits. It reads like a novel, it draws in and it grips you by the throat until the very end. This one features Klaus being called to the rescue by a desperate Salvatore clan when Caroline turns off her humanity and fucks off to Europe. Unlike her friends, Klaus doesn't threaten her, doesn't try to force her to feel; instead, he offers her a deal. And it's perfect. I love this story with my whole heart, I can't even tell you.

. In the Backseat by Lila2

After leaving Hayley as a wolf in the Bayou and earning the hatred of his entire family, Klaus shows up with baby Hope on Caroline's doorstop. He has no idea what to do with a baby, is too proud to apologize and is in desperate search of some validation, which invariably leads her back to her (just like in 5x11). Caroline is torn between being mad at him for having a baby with freaking Hayley, and also the fact that she loves kids and there's a part of her that resents him precisely because he gets to have them, when she never will. In her own way, Caroline puts him in his place and convinces him to make amends and go home, take Hope back to her mother - but only if she comes with him on the road trip. And boy, is it worth it. 🥰 It's a fic that has the baby as a catalyst for everything, at the center of everyone's woes in different ways, but it's not about the baby, in case you're a baby fic hater. And the writing is just chef's kiss.

. the birth and death of the day by @little-miss-sunny-daisy

For a good while there, this fic was my entire fandom personality. Whenever anyone gave me a second of their time, I'd preach about the birth and death of the day. I was obsessed. Kelly is a brilliant writer, so, so, so talented. I am not kidding when I saw I wish I could write like her. And the greatest proof of that is how this fic was everything to me, in spite of not being at all my cup of tea on the tin. I don't like Supernatural, I never watched more than two episodes, and the Klaroline bit here kind of takes on a secondary role to the end of the of the world. But it's such an intense and brilliant character study on Caroline that it had my whole heart from the start. Her relationship with her BROTHERS Dean and Sam is so heartfelt, and it exposes so much of who Caroline really is as a character. The plot is INSANE and AMAZING and HUGE and it's so incredible how it ties in so seamlessly with the Mystic Falls shenanigans. And then there is Klaus! When I saw secondary, I don't mean irrelevant. I just mean there's more to the story than just their relationship. But it is still brilliantly developed. Honestly, just writing about it brings me back memories. I love it so much.

. Quiet Light by @definedareasofuncertainty

I am biased when it comes to Luiza's fics because I'm a fangirl and I have been one since day one, before we even became friends. But in the years (years 🥲 we have been here so long, friend) we have known each other, her writing has only gotten better and better. It's atmospheric and understated and it has this mindfulness about it that I can't really explain. It really feels like being in the characters' stream of thinking, you get instantly pulled into it. It evokes emotions without it ever having to be minutely described, and I think that's such an incredible talent. I wish I could write like this! And Quite Light not only brings all of those things forward, but it also brings COMPLEXITIES and MORAL QUARRELLS and it was also WRITTEN FOR ME. 😌✨ Luiza thought she was getting revenge on me by torturing Elijah, but LITTLE DID SHE KNOW I actually loved it. I went into this thinking it would be just a rom-com style story (which I love), but it's so much more. By the end I was crying real tears. 🥲 It becomes such a beautiful story about the relationship between Klaus and Elijah. Honestly brilliant.

. light years by @definedareasofuncertainty

Honestly, this fic has a very specific target audience, and that target audience is ME. I'm not even exaggerating; this is one my favorite pieces of fic ever written in the KC fandom. The way a Klarolijah fic speaks to me can be so personal. 🥺 I love the Klarolijah dynamic. I really do. But it takes a very specific balance for me to feel it. It can very easily go from me loving it, to me wanting to throttle someone. And this! THIS!! This is absolutely it. 🥲 And it's just about my favorite thing ever. This is actually three mini drabbles combined into one. Each of them is written through a different POV - Klaus', Elijah's and Caroline's. And the combination of all three, the way they tell the same story through different eyes, is just !!!!!!!!! Honestly, I don't have words. This has ✨Yokan my beloved✨ written all over it and I feel it very much. Luiza has a ridiculous talent for writing things on the spot. She got prompted to write an Elijah piece, and then a Caroline piece, and then a Klaus one, and she wrote them all in like 30 minutes on one of her mini drabbles challenge, and OH MY FUCKING GOD. I hate her for how good she is. 😭 (I don't, I love her, but I also v much envy her talent).

. this is a harvest by @highgaarden

I spent a solid few minutes here thinking about which of Hannah's fics I wanted to list, because she has this huge catalogue and I've basically read all of them and have gushed over almost every single one over the years. But even though there are others that could easily be in my top 10, I always end of going back to This is a Harvest. I remember when I first read it, I closed the tab at the end and was just… Done. Not in a 'I can't stand this story/ship/fandom anymore', but in a 'this is the fic to end all fics' kind of way. And it's not so much about the style or the writing, which are both stunning, but the way the story is told. It's a canon divergence that spans over years and I felt it in my heart that this was where the story could've gone. The choices they could've made. The way Caroline's story could and should have ended. And I was satisfied. I started writing and reading KC fanfiction after TO was over because I was so indignant about the way the show ended, so unhappy that I needed to give it my own spin, and read other folks doing the same, and when I read this story I felt like I had achieved that. This is it, I can put this to rest.

Obviously, I was way too deep by then that I couldn't really abandon the fandom (even though, just between us here, I kind of wish I could), but for a whole week or two, I was at peace. This fic gave me peace. That's it.

. Into the Woods by @jinxedwood

"But Yokan, how would you like to see Klaus' part in Legacies play out?" Like this. Exactly like this. This story accepts the finale we were dealt in The Originals, and then makes something absolutely amazing with it. I love the premise, I love the mythology involved, I love how unique this take is, and I love how even though it's poignant and bittersweet, it still packs up everything about Kc that made me love this ship so much. Caroline has been in Europe for years trying to find a way to help her daughters with their Gemini situation, and then she ends up stumbling across something else entirely. While she thought the thing she most wanted to see on a brief stint on the Other Side would be Gemini witches, her heart betrays her by taking her to who she really misses the most.

. it takes a while to settle down by theviolonist

This story is so old school it was written before Steroline. It's about Tyler. But we all know who Caroline ends up marrying, so in my heart, this is really what happens before Caroline marries Stefan. And honestly, it works just as well. This story is a punch to your stomach, but it is PERFECTION in 8k words. It's hot, it's bittersweet, it's SO in character. Caroline's denial, telling herself that Klaus is there to see her because he still ones revenge on Tyler, when it becomes very obvious, very fast, as it always does on the show, that it's never about Tyler, it's all about her. UGH. Honestly, brilliant. (third fic on this list with a The National reference on the title, I SENSE A PATTERN).

. As One Wishes to Live by @lalainajanes

I had never in my life read a genie!AU, and simply could not wrap my mind around anything of the sort that wouldn't be extreme crack!fic. Imagine my surprise upon reading this story. It's bittersweet in the best possible way. At the same time it's endearing and adorable (and so very IC) to watch Caroline fumbling for a fair and non-insane way to handle Klaus, the genie Katherine accidentally gifted her with (and who just happens to look incredibly alluring), it's so very poignant to read Klaus' POV. He's Klaus in the way that he's suspicious and dismissive and kind of snobbish, really, but he's resigned to his fate. This is a Klaus who has been broken by years of enslavement as this prop who's there exclusively to serve others. Every time he mentions one of his past masters, you just get that stab - and so does Caroline. Laine is one of the most prolific and talented KC writers ever, and I have read and enjoyed so, so many of her fics, but this definitely has a special place in my heart.

. Psychedelic Kicks by @notalittlebutalottie

This is an ensemble story that has Klaroline at heart, but that gives every other character a moment to shine. And shine they do! Everyone gets their own side stories, and absolutely loved following every single one of them. Lottie made me care for characters I hate in canon, like Katherine and Kol. Even Stefan and Elena had my heart here. This fic is a journey, full of ups and downs, and it has such a satisfying end. It's also incredibly original in its setting and tone, which I think it's one of Lottie's greatest talents. It's very are for historical fics to be set in the 60s, and not only did Lottie choose this very particular time, but she also did such a remarkable job incorporating the decades' aspects into the story. Not just the fashion, and the music, and Woodstocky vibes, but the social and political unrest as well. This is a story with LAYERS, my friends, and it's incredible. I could totally see this being a TV show or a movie tbh. It's that good.

[checkoutmybookshelf]

We Haven't Technically Come Full Circle Yet, But This Is Where You Know We're Going To

Ok, so even for the most die hard Artemis Fowl fans, this tends to be the book where they say the story and/or the worldbuilding goes off the rails. I am not that Artemis Fowl fan, and it wasn't until the relisten (my hardcovers are in Dad's Basement in Alaska, so lately I've been audiobooking this series) that I really understood why I wasn't as thrown by the seemingly sudden shift as everyone else was. And it's a subtle cue, but it's one that I think actually works. So let's talk Artemis Fowl: The Lost Colony.

*SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS*

The first Artemis Fowl book begins with Artemis and Butler sweating half to death in Ho Chi Minh City trying to buy a lead to a Fairy. It's an opening that tells us we are going to deal with heists, kidnapping, and Artemis being very much the bad guy. It gives us the genre we are going to be working in, and that's basically crime fiction, with Artemis learning not to be a complete dickhead as the character arc. We get that and it basically finishes out with The Opal Deception.

The beginning of The Lost Colony mirrors the beginning of that first book. It starts with Artemis and Butler sweating half to death on a sidewalk in Barcelona waiting for a demon to materialize. We as readers are back to--to borrow a phrase from Robert Jordan--if not THE beginning, A beginning. This is where the book tells you that we are revamping the series, and there are even clues that this will be more of a fairy tale than a crime novel. And that there will be a metric fraggle rock ton of time travel, which holds true for all the rest of the Artemis Fowl novels. Time in general is a key theme in the later books, as Artemis himself tells us when he responds to Butler's query about whether the demon is beaming down from space with "Not space, old friend, [...] Time."

We also get the most hilarious self-actualized Artemis-ism on his own puberty in this chapter:

"It's this blasted puberty, Butler. Every time I see a pretty girl, I waste valuable mind space thinking about her. The girl at that restaurant, for instance. I've glanced in her direction a dozen times in the past few minutes."

And aside from being hilarious, this also cues us into the fact that The Lost Colony is a new beginning for Artemis and the series. Our boy finally hit puberty, and he is not the same cold, focused, calculating little asshole we remember from book 1. Everything about this chapter screams "Hey, remember the first book? This ain't that." It cues the reader that this will be something different, something unexpected. I kind of love this symmetrical asymmetry approach to revamping the series.

We also get the fun of watching two geniuses mastermind against each other while learning how to puberty, and honestly I love that Minerva Paradizo exists. She is a nice little nod to the fact that Artemis is really going to be TORN between the human and fairy worlds. As I believe Philippa Boynes said of the end of Return of the King, if you want to make Frodo going with Sam have weight, you have to give him the other choice. And Eoin Colfer is setting Artemis up to HAVE the choice.

As far as our demons and wrlocks go, mostly what I have to say is that No. 1 is a delightful little cinnamon roll and I love him and I want to scritch his little demon horns.

Now. The other massive thing we need to talk about here is the climax of the book, because Artemis high-key just...time travels. And steals magic. But mostly MOTHERFUCKING TIME TRAVELS. And saves Holly's life with math. But again, TIME TRAVELS. At the end of this book, Artemis is yeeted three years into the future, so he is a 14-year-old body with a 25-year-old brain in a temporal location where he is supposed to be 17. It's peak wibbly wobbly timey wimey ball of stuff. Artemis also has one of Holly's eyes and a little spark of magic. Our boy is fully in fairy tale territory here, and this book was structured really brilliantly to transition the readers from middle grade crime fiction to borderline YA fairy tales. And honestly, if you're willing to let criminal mastermind Artemis go and grow with him (or just consider the series as having two distinct halves, as I do), then I don't actually think the series falls apart in the latter half.

Lots of Artemis Fowl fans might disagree with me on this assessment, and that's fine. You can love on the first 3-4 books and just pretend the second half of the series doesn't exist. But I really love the change, and from a purely structural, writer perspective, Eoin Colfer pulled off an IMPRESSIVE AS HELL shift.

[gozine-translate]

Terminally-ill Genius Dark Knight - 168

168: Misunderstanding and Delusion

White breaths scatter into the air. Like winter has been torn and decorated here, a thin mist rises, filling the view like an aurora. It’s beautiful. It wasn’t the time to say that, but it really was. I was completely captivated by the breathtaking scenery and could only stare at it blankly for quite some time. A surge of emotions overwhelmed me, making me encounter something unknown. I never felt this kind of sensation until now. I almost never experienced this sharp awareness of being alive.

I was lost in thought when suddenly, I heard soft breathing behind me. A girl with a small build clung to me and her warm body.

I was completely caught off guard. Eleanor was hugging me from behind. I didn’t expect her to do something like this in this place.

Why? I quickly tried to gather myself and pull away from her to check her condition. But for some reason, she tightened her arms around me, holding me even tighter. I didn’t know why she was like this, but sensing it wasn’t normal, I stayed still for a while. Then, before long, she began to speak to me.

"I'm sorry."

"… What are you sorry for?"

"For misunderstanding you. For trying so hard to hate you all this time. For everything."

A slight dampness began to seep into my back.

No… No way, is Eleanor crying right now? The [Golden Fox] I knew, [Genius of Acting] who could control even the smallest flicker in her pupils in the place where billions of gold come and go?

Why? I had never imagined this situation, I couldn't help but be shocked. She wasn't this kind of character.

"You have nothing to apologize to me."

I spoke honestly. That was the truth. Even if I had to lose a considerable amount of my lifespan to save her. But thanks to the dragon, I could recover it. Besides, just by gathering the dragon materials here? I could craft equipment that’s typically made much later in the game.

In any case, this world, Inner Lunatic, is a place where you have to keep risking your life. No, I can say it’s my world now.

Anyway. I stood there quietly, as there was still another problem to deal with.

"For not telling you about Shane earlier, I truly apolo…"

“Don’t apologize. wasn't it all to help me?”

"… What?"

Why is she acting like this? I seriously pondered that, but it didn’t last long, because Eleanor gently lifted her head and showed me her face. I quickly turned around and looked at her. I have to confirm why she was in this state. And when our eyes met.

I realized how foolish my careless thought was.

"….You’re crying more than I expected."

“Such thing… Couldn’t you just pretend you didn’t notice?”

Eleanor was crying so earnestly. Without any pretense or mask. She was crying like a child. I thought her eyes were just a little wet.

It seems it wasn't due to her being too shocked. As I mentioned earlier, it was my own mistaken assumption.

'I didn’t expect her to be so shaken. I was too careless.'

Because Eleanor always appeared so strong on the outside, I had misunderstood. I thought she wouldn’t care much about me and only saw me as a business partner. I never expected her to be this shaken by the danger I faced.

But when I heard her trembling voice, I realized how wrong I was.

"Are you… okay? You looked like you were in so much pain… How did you wake up? Wasn’t it dangerous?"

"Not really…"

"Liar."

She cut me off.

"I've told you before. When you lie, your pupils are spinning"

"You’re as sharp as ever."

"Was it because of me? Are you….. really okay now?"

The usual Eleanor wouldn’t have asked something like this. She preferred to keep her distance from others.

I had also kept my distance from her. No matter how much inwardly I liked Eleanor. or how much affection I had for her, it was all just within the game.

So I didn’t think much of it.

Even if I were on the verge of death, she'd handle it all on her own. I just believed she would.

But now, is there lies in those clear, sincere eyes that are gazing at me?

No

Eleanor was genuinely crying out of concern for me. She was worried I might die. Just like Talia, Zitri, Rona… She was just like the others. When I really think about it, she’s only fifteen years old. No matter how skilled a merchant or how excellent her abilities were, she was still young. By my standards, even more so.

I realized I needed to approach her a bit more carefully this time, so I answered.

"I'm fine. Now"

"… It seems you're not lying."

Come on, believe me a little. Why doesn’t she trust people?

Anyway, you cry your eyes out but notice stuff like this right away.. It would be nice if she learned how to trust people a bit more.

"I'm not lying"

"Why did you save me?"

"What?"

I frowned without realizing it. It was a question I hadn’t expected at all. Why was she asking something like this? What am I supposed to say here? How do I adjust to her changed attitude? I still don’t really know.

When I didn’t answer quickly, she kept pressing me.

"Was it because you’re a good person? Or… was there some other feeling you had toward me?"

"I don’t understand what you mean."

"Please don’t avoid the question. Like at the party that day. Please don’t leave me alone. Can’t you just tell me?"

“Eleanor de Rivalin.”

“Just tell me you don’t hate me… can you just say that? if you do, then no matter…”

"The reason to hate you"

To Eleanor's tears, I felt my emotions intensify, and before I knew it, I added.

"There never was."

"… Why. Seriously. I treated you harshly… why are you…”

"I’ll say it again. There was no reason to. I have no right to judge someone else’s life."

"…."

Finally, she seemed to calm down a little. Eleanor looked like she was regaining her composure. I almost said something more, but I kept my mouth shut. Then, naturally, I stepped away from her.

“We need to move. I’m fine now. Dean Noah and the others will come to rescue us. Staying near the ice dragon’s corpse is dangerous.”

"… Yes. I understand."

Before we moved, I gathered the materials I got from the ice dragon’s body and put them in my inventory. Just because you can't retrieve items from your inventory outside, doesn’t mean you can't put them inside. While I was busy looting the corpse, for some reason.

Eleanor, who had been watching from behind, giggled.

… What?

"What?"

I couldn’t help but say what I was thinking. She laughed innocently and said,

"It’s just… even in a situation like this, it's just like you.."

"Noisy"

At least she seemed to be feeling better, which eased my worries a bit. As I took a moment to breathe, I started thinking about the rewards and how I’d crush that damn Professor Aleph’s face. In addition, I also needed to quickly set up a plan to deal with Rick, who was at the center of all this.

"Let’s move."

After collecting everything I could from the corpse, I started walking through the snow-covered path. Of course, I wasn’t just walking aimlessly.

Why?

Because I sensed two powerful mana presences flying toward us. We’d probably meet them halfway.

'Besides, to think those two lazy persons come to rescue me.'

I felt a sense of pride again as I watched Eleanor matching my steps, following right behind me.

——————————————————

Meanwhile, at that moment…

Noah von Trinity and Astrid von Kaliud. Two persons were caught in confusion.

"….So. Nox’s heart started beating again, and instead, the ice dragon was dead. Is that what you're saying?"

[That’s right.]

Astrid slowed her pace slightly as she said that. It was a completely unbelievable situation, but considering what Nox had done so far, it was quite possible. After all, he had already dealt with several GrandDukes of the 72 demons. At this point, it wasn’t all that surprising that he had taken down a dragon. They had gotten used to Nox's feats that they thought like that. It couldn't be helped.

After all, it was the only way to wrap their heads around it.

"The ice dragon in this area was already adult, right?..Probably?"

[It should be a decent one. Though its power came from breaking taboos and eating humans.]

"Nox… No matter how I think about it, he’s an incredible boy. Astrid, what do you think the odds were of Nox taking down that guy alone?"

[One hundred percent.]

With that, Astrid picked up the pace again.

She continued.

[But there’s a condition.]

"Hm. That’s a surprisingly clear answer. So, what is it? That condition?"

[He would need to fully master the Dragon’s Breath, open his lower dantian, and intentionally stop his heart. Afterward, if he forcibly opened his mental world…]

"…"

[If he did that, he could have 100% killed the ice dragon. His swordsmanship is already exceptional. If he used it well…]

"….And the chances of that?"

[Also 100 percent. Our disciple… is completely insane.]

"Haa… I knew it, but Nox is really…"

Even Noah was at a loss for words at this point. How could a human stop their own heart, then forcefully breathe and reach such a realm? Not even her would go that far.

What does Nox believe in to push himself to such extremes?

Noah shook her head. But even amidst that, both she and Astrid had only one thought. They wanted to meet their disciple as soon as possible.

That was all.

——————————————————

When Nox cleared the path ahead, plowing through the snow.

The girl following behind him was remembering her earlier actions, her face flushed bright red.

'W-W-What did I just do…?!

But it was already done. Even though she was overwhelmed by emotions she had never felt before, as typical of her, she quickly adapted. Later, she decided to start thinking about her feelings little by little. Why had she burst into tears at that moment? Why did just being behind him make her feel so warm? Everything.

[bookaddict24-7]

REVIEWS OF THE WEEK!

Every week I will post various reviews I've written so far in 2024. You can check out my Goodreads for more up-to-date reviews HERE. You can friend me on Goodreads here.

Have you read any of these? What were your thoughts?

___

305. Kraken's Sacrifice by Katee Robert--⭐️⭐️⭐️

This was OK, kind of forgettable. Someone wrote a short review that just said "I wish this series was written better" and honestly...yes. LOL. There is SO MUCH potential here.

The romance was kind of weird, like the pacing was off. One moment he hates her and then boom--sexy time and suddenly he's in love. I also couldn't stop giggling at the fact that she sees his tentacles and immediately was like, "Yes, that. I want." Listen, I don't want to yuck anyone's yum, but I think it's okay to side-eye the fact that your husband has tentacles that could be used during fun times.

I did like the connection at the end and how communication saved the day. SEE?! Communication can even happen between a human and a Kraken Man. No excuses. But yeah, I liked the ending for this one more than book one, simply because it wasn't drawn out.

I felt really bad for the FMC and how the MMC had to overcome his grief to move forward in his life. She has had a very tragic life (as is alluded to in the beginning and can be seen in her actions throughout the novella).

Overall, this was a short and kinky story that had some spicy spice and had a very interesting dynamic. I think if this had been a bit longer and the characters were a bit more rounded, this would have been a better story.

___

306. Burden Falls by Kat Ellis--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I honestly didn't know what to expect from BURDEN FALLS. At some point, I was convinced it was a vampire story--look, an Apple and Blood? Definitely TWILIGHT coded.

But no, this is a mystery with a haunting mystery, a creepy set of deaths, and a family torn apart by loss. Though it took me a bit to get into this story, I was curious throughout the whole thing and really enjoyed that twist.

I have to give props to Kat Ellis for setting such a great atmosphere. It was described so well that I could see it perfectly in my mind and I imagined myself walking through dying apple orchards, trying to figure out who keeps killing the people who've affected the MC's life in one way or another.

I will say, however, that the romance was a bit expected and predictable. But I wasn't really here for that romance, more for the mystery. BURDEN FALLS was the kind of book that I think would have been fine without the romance. BUT with that being said, I liked that neither of the characters lost themselves to their relationship.

The whole story led up to an explosive reveal and some great scary times along the way, with some pretty haunting descriptions. Definitely a great read for the Fall, especially if you're visiting an apple orchard in a small, haunted town.

___

307. Forgive Me, Leonard Peacock by Matthew Quick--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐���

TW: Suicide Ideation, Description of SA, Threatened Gun Violence, Depression, Parental Abandonment.

I think if you liked THE CATCHER IN THE RYE, or if you empathized with Holden Caufield, you'll empathize more with this MC and his thought process. One of the things I don't think I'll ever understand about the hate CATCHER gets is that Holden is insufferable. He may be a tough pill to swallow, but that kid was extremely traumatized and in desperate need of therapy.

Much like Holden, this MC is in a very dark place. Everything he does is a cry for help--from his need to be a quiet observer just to not feel lonely, to trying to find a connection in a horrible and misguided way, this MC was on a downward spiral and the person who should have noticed the most was too self-involved to be a parent to him.

I did like, however, that despite the darker moments and the commitment to the coming end, there WERE characters who noticed the MC's mindset. They saw the signs and while the MC would set near-impossible goals for those around him to meet, he missed all of the other signs that people DID notice.

My problem when I read books like this is that I empathize so much with the MC that I almost fall into their mindset--I feel their annoyances, their frustrations, and their feelings of being misunderstood. With this MC, his mind was a very dark place to be in. While there WERE signs of others noticing his mental state, there were also signs that no one noticed. I could see how the MC might have reached this point.

I remember reading somewhere that although everyone's struggle is different, it doesn't change how giant someone's struggle still feels. The world is chaos and there are multitudes of people living truly traumatizing lives, but to a teenager, the end of the world truly DOES feel like the end of the world. This MC may have been rich and may have had freedoms that others his age never had, but his trauma and loneliness, and lack of guidance in his messy world led up to this suicidal and pivotal moment.

By the end of the book, there is little hope. BUT this is also a realistic take because mental health is an ongoing fight for the rest of one's life--especially for a teenager. Every day is a different day and you never know what might come. While the ending isn't the best, it is sadly realistic.

The topic of the gun in this book and how he mentally uses it as a way to get through his day (by quietly threatening the students around him) is a very real problem right now--especially with the school shootings--but I think it's easy to focus on those moments of the story and bypass the SA that he suffers at a young age, which essentially changed him completely.

This book isn't an easy read. It can even be incredibly triggering. But I also think it can be very important. It shows that you never really know what that person beside you is thinking, feeling, or experiencing.

___

308. Hope & Other Punchlines by Julie Buxbaum--⭐️⭐️⭐️

I went through a phase a few years ago where I read a few of Buxbaum's works because they were the type of YA contemporary that had me hooked. While HOPE & OTHER PUNCHLINES had a lot of those things, I think I read this too far after I purchased it. There were certain things in here that made me give this book side eye, but it's fine. Everything is fine.

One of the things that this book definitely had going for it was the very unique approach to 9/11. And let be super clear here: when I read this, I had no idea it was about 9/11, so starting it on that same date 23 years later was not planned.

I think one of the questions a lot of people ask themselves is: Where were you when 9/11 happened? I remember I was in grade 6, hearing about it happening. I remember seeing all of the parents picking us up in a panic, thinking that Canadian schools would be next (which like...why?) and I remember my dad being very worried. And then I remember writing letters to...who? I don't know, but it's very clear in my mind that we wrote letters.

Anyway, I digress. This was such a unique take on the topic. I never even thought about what life must have been like for survivors so many years after the tragedy. Which seems callous, but I was twelve and it has become one of those things in our history that is a fact. But we're sadly at the point where we don't even do a moment of silence anymore. The human consciousness is...sometimes depressing like that.

Man, I am going off base a lot.

The romance in this book was...questionable. The connections between the two characters starts as blackmail, which was very off-putting and icky. Despite that beginning, I liked the characters and parents.

The MMC trying to find out what happened to his dad was honestly heartbreaking. I can't even imagine having that "what if" as such a big part of your identity. I think that was one of my favourite sad moments of this book--him trying to figure out this mystery, while also navigating the complicated relationships around him.

The FMC is one of those characters that had the best intentions, but made not so great choices. I did like that she was empathetic and still carved out her identity despite what the world expected of her.

If you're thinking of reading this, keep in mind that it does explore topics about loss, family, 9/11 and its after effects--such as the health side-effects so many people experienced years later.

___

309. Last One to Die by Cynthia Murphy--⭐️⭐️

Meh.

this book was a blur, but not in a good way. This felt like it needed...more? Why do I care for these characters that are introduced before becoming the victims of the killer?

What was that twist? I know it had been alluded to throughout the book, but I never truly expected it. In a weird way, I would have preferred the very cliched twist.

I do think this book had a lot of potential. There were so many things that could have been done and the way everything came to light at the end would have been really great if it hadn't all been revealed at once. My main issue with LAST ONE TO DIE was that it felt under developed. Like the author was given this book as an assignment and they followed the bare minimum. Give me a more rounded character, give me a reason to care for these victims that we literally JUST met.

And seriously, I know we got an "answer" at the end, but WHY was this killer so obsessed with the MC? It was all just so flat.

I didn't make this one star because there was a lot of potential here. And I was so excited to have found this author because I love YA horror/thrillers. I have already DNFed one other book by this author.

___

310. Ruthless Creatures by J.T. Geissinger--⭐️⭐️⭐️

I had to really suspend my disbelief for this one LOL.

RUTHLESS CREATURES had a spicy and intriguing mystery throughout, but I was stuck on how quickly these two connected, especially when he is this cold and murderous human. I guess there are people out there that can tame the bad boy with their long black hair and curves. Imagine the POWER.

Anyway, I'm glad these two got to live their sexiest best lives.

This was spicy and fun and full of moments that had me giggling. This was the perfect read after reading a few heavier YA novels. I knew from the moment I started it that I was going to enjoy it for what it was. Do I agree with how fast it happened and how she just completely disregards that he's a murderer? Absolutely not. But you know, Fiction™️.

I won't lie, I'm excited to read book two. I LOVED her best friend. She's got the type of personality that would stick with you through life and death. I want to see her fall in love because she's so adamant that it doesn't exist for her. I just know that book is going to have a lot of personality. I also know it'll be hilarious and spicy af.

Anyway, I somehow read the fourth book in this series without realizing it. So, at least I know I've already enjoyed some aspect of this series. Glad I gave this one a shot!

___

311. Spanking Shakespeare by Jake Wizner & Richard Ewing (Illustrator)--⭐️⭐️⭐️

I'm going to be 100% honest with this one: I almost DNF'ed SPANKING SHAKESPEARE. I came so close to not finishing this book, mainly because it was...a lot. The MC is your typical seventeen year-old horny boy and his POV took some time to get used to.

But, I'm glad I kept going because he had some good character growth throughout the story, leading up to a pretty good ending.

And while some of the humour was truly teen boy cringe, there were some genuinely funny moments. A good chunk of the events in this book are told as writing projects by the MC and I liked those retellings more than the actual out of character writing. Despite the cringe honesty, I appreciated the humour in this book. I especially laughed at that last story told in the book.

I also liked how the MC learned about others' experiences in comparison to his own. While his parents definitely do questionable stuff, he learns that there are some kids who would love to have parents like his.

I think this book would have been a very relatable source for teen boys maybe a decade or two ago. There were some pretty important topics discussed and some great moments of self-discoveries that a teen boy might appreciate.

If you want to read this because of that title, expect the humour that comes naturally with that title. But also be prepared for the cringe moments that can only come from a very honest point of view of a horny seventeen year old boy.

___

312. To Be Taught, If Fortunate by Becky Chambers--⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

TO BE TAUGHT, IF FORTUNATE is my third Becky Chambers novella and much like the other two I've read, this one does such a great job of exploring humanity. We see it in the decisions the characters make when certain truths come to light, and when they interact to creatures that aren't from Earth.

But in a way, Chamber's novel also reminded me how small we really are in the universe. All that keeps these astronauts connected to their Earthly humanity is a delayed radio signal. I can't even imagine how lonely it must be to know that you're so far away that the people you know would be dead by the time you arrive back home.

I think this book is also a hopeful story of how humanity might treat the world beyond Earth. Preserving life, rather than conquering it? What a concept.

Overall, there is a good and interesting exploration of grief that weighs heavily over the crew. They each, in turn, experience a moment where they disconnect to process the losses they're finally coming to terms with. Even when explaining what the process of goodbye looks like before the mission, the MC keeps it partially private. Grief is a human emotion, but it is sometimes felt better in the dark, even if that could potentially lead to suicidal ideation (in the case of this book)--which is where we see that teamwork come into effect.

By the end, there is this sense of hope but also sadness that permeates the book. A sad hopefulness for a future meant to be lived beyond the story. And that's the beauty of a Becky Chambers book--she'll have you for a moment, but her writing will linger for a while afterward.

___

Happy reading!

[lifmera]

Heya, I was wondering if I could have a matchup for Hazbin Hotel? Male please x

My pronouns are she her, I'm fairly average height for a girl and my favourite animals at the moment are either cats or goats!!

I have black hair, dark eyes and pale skin, my hair goes just above my breasts and is layered. I wear a lot of black and hardly own any clothes that aren't!! (It’s just so flattering) I have a few large tattoos as well and am definitely getting more. I also have a lot of ear piercings, a nose stud and 🍒 piercings. I’m also English (northern, not southern) so I do have an accent

In terms of personality, l'd say l'm rather outgoing, witty and a bit nerdy. I wear a lot of studs and chains but I think they look badass, however I wear them causally so I guess you could also say I’m pretty bold? I've often been told l intimidate people, however I like to think they don't know me well enough to judge. Ive been told I can be quite loud, and I have some blunt, dry sense of humour which my friends seem to like. I'm an ENTP through and through and am currently in law school, stereotypical as fuck ik. I can sometimes struggle to trust people due to past experiences, however I think I’ve got the hang of reading people now to know when they’re my kind of cunt or not.

I can have a short temper and struggle with my emotions sometimes, (diagnosed bpd/adhd, looooove to see it) but am in the process of learning to manage them quite well.

Hobby wise, I enjoy drawing, painting and going out with my friends to concerts and festivals. I Love music, specifically Goth, Metal (Death, Goth metal, Nü metal, all sorts) and a little bit of rock obviously. I'm tempted to start learning how to play the drums or guitar but am not sure where to start, plus school takes up so much of my time.

There's of course no rush to reply, I adore your work I think your matches are always spot-on and I'm really curious !!

-��️🕸️

HEY 🕷️🕸️!!!

Honestly I was so TORN between these two. So i decided lol… why not both?

Its okay hun!! I major Pre-Law right now 🩷

I’ve decided to pair you with… VOX & HUSK

Vox first though. Cus i read this and i was like.. VOX but then when i showered i was like .. wait husk… and then i was like FUCK… anyways

He’d definitely talk to you more because you reminded him of Velvette. And what probably went thru his head was “ooh new model :)”

But he LOVES ur personality. If you intimidated VOX? He would literally purr at ur feet and BEG you to join the Vee’s.

Even if you are dry, its okay, cus everything else makes up for it to him.

He definitely isn’t surprised if you don’t trust him at first, but he’s think that “nothing a little hypnotizing cant fix ! ;)” (take that as you wish.)

Vox is kinda pretty shitty himself- and probably doesnt really care much about you unless you blow a fuse on him. But honestly he’d like that.

Though he’d also be glad that you are managing your emotions! He HATES tantrums . (Cough cough Val)

He would probably make you draw you guys together lets me honest. He’d think it’d be funny. Till he actually enjoys it.

He would make fun of ur music taste. Then he would love it. Cus hes such a LOSER like that……

Honestly he’d love it sm he’d have them as theme songs D:

If you learned any instruments it’d probably cause him to want to as-well….

Ok Husker time…

Not gonna lie. You guys give off the same vibe, and he’d probably like you the most out of everyone at the hotel.

Especially at first glance?? Like finally… someone normal

Says him anyways.

Husk HATES cats, and obviously… i think he would also let you pet him or brush his fur… after becoming in a relationship. Otherwise he’d literally bite you.

I think he would talk to you first at the bar, and man is he good at finding shit out???

I think you guys would become close friends within a finger snap-

And honestly become inseparable. Totally have backhanded shit to say and it would be so funny. (Great duo)

He definitely would be super proud of you for seeking help! He would say that not much people have enough balls to do that.

Honestly i also think Husk would enjoy painting too. He seems like a gambler but i think in his free time, something like painting would relax him?? Or atleast looking at paintings and analyzing them.

Your music taste? Probably same as his. He’d love to listen with you, and Everytime you are at the bar he’d ask if you wanted to play a song you both enjoyed.

If you learned the guitar he’d be SO IMPRESSED. Like “okay dayum… ❤️”

~~

I HOPE THIS WAS OKAY HUN!! And AWUGHS THANK YOU SO MUCH?? i always try to make the characters accurate because i feel like if they are ooc .. its just.. weird ?

[moistvonlipwig]

sorry to bring up the disk horse but seeing you and others talk about that person has made me feel so much less insane 😭 I turned on a vid of them tlaking about how l*ly still doesn't understand rgu when I was doing other stuff and kept questioning the stuff they were saying 😭 lol

autistic as hell so I have a hard time dissecting some of what rgu is trying to say but. I really do not think it is that much of a mind bender to see who is in the wrong in that situation. jesus christ

Also for the ask game (if you want) 11 and 13 🫶

right like we all know l*ly orch*rd and jimothy somerton have wack media takes but if you make a video with the explicit purpose of proving that your takes are better than theirs then uh maybe you should make sure your takes are actually good first. i tried watching one of their videos like that months ago and i don't even remember what takes they had (it wasn't anything so bad as what they've been saying on twitter though) but i do remember going ??? a lot.

[also idk i always feel so torn about whether or not we should even be discussing l*ly's media takes like otoh yes they're often bad and she's semi influential in the animation criticism community and i do enjoy seeing people pick apart her bizarre arguments but at the same time if someone is an abusive pedophilic rapist does it matter if their media takes suck??? like, to quote one of my favorite tumblr posts, if you stab someone to death in an ikea your opinion on pink diamond could not be less relevant.]

[also i said i would stop and maybe i will tomorrow but i do keep hatescrolling saiscribbles' twitter account on sotwe (new website i just discovered that lets you see people's tweets if you don't have a twitter which is definitely going to be the death of me) and to be fair some of the people arguing with them ALSO have weird as fuck takes. none so vile as 'what akio did to utena wasn't rape' though. but rgu sure does bring out the weird takes in people.]

but honestly part of the reason i keep talking about this even though i know i Should move on and stop thinking about it is that i also felt insane reading their tweets because they take such a smug, Only I Possess Media Literacy, I Was Watching Utena Before You Were Born, I Have Made YouTube Videos About RGU And Am Therefore An Expert stance that it does make you start to second-guess yourself. but you know what they're wrong. just like l*ly and jimothy it doesn't matter how many videos they put out or how authoritatively/arrogantly they word their tweets or how popular their SU art is. they are wrong about rgu and they are wrong about lapis stevenuniverse and they are wrong about the r word and they are DANGEROUSLY wrong about rape. and none of us are crazy for seeing that.

to calm down i've been catching up on animiddo's utena reactions/analyses on youtube. i like that he takes the show very seriously including the nanami episodes. he's not on ep 33 yet but i have yet to see an utena reactor who didn't understand that ep 33 was rape. because, you know, it is in fact pretty fucking obvious.

[sentfromwolves]

ooh please tell me about zara and kestrel!! who has the bigger attitude problem of the two of them?

sorry I'm getting to this so late!! thank you for asking me about my angry girls! >:3333

Zara has the bigger overt attitude problem between the two of them, but Kestrel (who I've actually renamed Aedra now lol) is probably honestly more unhinged once she hits a breaking point.

Zara is a Marchen -- a veritable, godsworn monster hunter with a big axe, a bad attitude, and a penchant for violence. She's been doing this job her entire life after being dumped as an orphan baby with the Marchengarde, and she just takes all of her problems out on monsters by punching them really hard. She's pretty independent, steadfast, and completely hardened to her world. Until she gets shaken right out of her comfort zone by the start of her novel, she's honestly like. Unhinged but also Totally Blunt and Forthright about it.

Meanwhile, Aedra is a Bone Maiden, the single surviving temple worshipper to the Ten-Faced Oracle. She's been praying at her goddesse's altar for a decade now, hoping the petrified corpse of her deity will one day awaken and help a poor bitch out. She's way more shaken up, insecure, and traumatized by her world (she witnessed Death get physically torn away from the whole realm, and now she's stuck trying to collect his soul shards and put him back together again) and she's not like Zara who was just an angry baby in the crib and grew up stomping. She's like, kid who cowered behind her mother's knees until her mother was ripped away from her and now she's grown up and the whole world is breathing down her neck and shouting, "what are you gonna do about it!?"

and tbh? these two would probably get along great LMAO

[karenandhenwillson]

Super unpopular opinion: I think both Taylor and the fandom as a whole are crazy about claiming Buck trapped her by asking her to move in with him.

I'm aware that in parts my opinion on this goes back to the way I was raised. When Taylor accused Buck of trapping her by asking her to move in and then telling her he had kissed someone else, the first thing that popped into my head was my mother's voice: "Whatever you, however much you trust a guy, always have a back-up plan. Never make yourself dependent on a guy." I think I was still pretty young when I started hearing those lines.

But even without that mindset I was raised with by my mother, I think it's a gross over-exaggeration and a disservice to Taylor's character.

What do we know about Taylor? She had a very traumatic childhood. She lost her mother, then her father and with that also her home and practically her childhood. She is even something like twenty years later torn about what to believe about her mother's death. But she got through all of that and persuaded a career that is cut-throat and unforgiving.

Taylor is a strong woman who knows what she wants. She thinks in any given situation first about her career and second about anything else. I feel it's safe to say that her career is the most important thing in her life and something she is ready to sacrifice pretty much anything for.

Also, this brings up another point that's a little bit of a tangent: Why did she agree to move into Buck's place instead of both of them looking for a new place together? (Yes, I know: From a writing perspective it was probably already decided they would break up at the end of the season so it didn't make sense to create a new set if they didn't want Buck to give up his loft altogether for a new place.) 

The mature thing for both of them would have been to look for something new. Because they have both insane schedules that don't fit together well often. That includes both needing sleep at different times. How can they get the rest they need in an apartment where one can't make breakfast in the kitchen without waking the other because there are no walls? I can see Buck not thinking about that, mostly because when he asked Taylor, he was emotionally practically falling apart. But I don't know how the writers could ignore that it's not really in character for Taylor to follow such a spur-of-the-moment decision. Especially as there can't have been a lot of time between Buck asking her to move in and the move happening because otherwise, he would have confessed about the kiss before the move or Taylor would have noticed that something else was up. We see how it ate him from the inside.

Anyway, back to the original topic: Taylor is a strong and independent woman. One who works in a field that is subject to a lot of change and sometimes unforeseen change. I'm convinced if there would be an opportunity for a big story, Taylor wouldn't hesitate to take it even if it meant traveling at a moment's notice. I can't see her not being prepared for that. Including having money put aside for such an unplanned journey.

So, I can't see for a moment that she doesn't have the money to take a hotel room for a couple of nights after fighting with the boyfriend she just moved in with. I also can't see her not demanding Buck to pay her back the hotel (and he'd not hesitate to give her that money, honestly, or he'd offer to got to a hotel and let her have the loft). Honestly, with how we saw her in s2 and s4, it would have fit her to tell Buck something like: "Leave, Buckley. Pack a bag, leave your key, and leave this apartment. I'll call you when I've decided if I'm willing to give this a second chance or if you need to find a friend's couch to crash on until I've found a new apartment!" And Buck, ever the people pleaser, would have probably not even argued.

Taylor also works in a job where you need a connection to get anywhere. I can't see someone doing that job who isn't able to make connections easily, and for me, that translates that she has personal connections outside of the job, too. I really can't see someone with Taylor's history going through life without having at least one close friend she could lean on. We don't see that, of course, but then we also don't see any of the mains having friends who aren't the mains for the most part. Which doesn't mean they don't have friends. It only means there is no room in the stories the show writers want to tell for such friends.

So, I think Taylor has to have at least one friend who'd let her have the couch or the guest room for a little while. To give her a place to land until she found a new apartment for herself.

After all these considerations I can just repeat: I think it's absolutely stupid to claim Buck trapped Taylor. (And that the show writers made her say that is just one more of the many decisions they made to ruin her character in s5 and s6 when they had worked so hard on giving her great potential in s4.)

[waheelawhisperer]

Okay gonna post my thoughts on V9E8 now. Took me long enough.

This was certainly an episode.

Oh boy content warning

I’m sure whatever it is will be handled with the tact and sensitivity Rooster Teeth is known for

This episode contains: graphic depictions of suicide, graphic depictions of animal abuse and animal death, violence, blood, and what is obviously someone's fetish.

It also contains the brutal murder of a beloved character's established characterization. Again.

There, I've already done a better job of tagging potentially sensitive content than Rooster Teeth ever has in its entire existence as a company. Not that hard.

Back to first-person perspective. I like this Volume’s willingness to branch out in that regard

Let it all out, Ruby. Love that she’s finally being allowed to show how hurt and bitter she is.

Oh, Ruby, that is not the bridge you want to cross

I think she’s in the Jabberwalker’s acre now, which is the last place she needs to be when she’s alone and upset and Neo is hunting her

Dafuq is this house

Is this a Neo trap or just more weird Ever After shit? Either way, I want Ruby moving as far away from it as possible

Okay it’s a Neo trap probably

I know a little about the Roman/Neo book so I’m guessing the first portrait is Neo and her parents

The second one though lmao girl you are never beating the bottom allegations

You want someone to serve so bad

Bet you’ve got a praise kink too

“What is this?” I fucking wonder, Ruby. Maybe it’s a trap you wandered into.

Okay, Roman’s new voice is… not bad, honestly, and not even bad for him, but it is distinctly different from his old one. It’s not high or nasal or hammy enough, I think. It’s like Qrow’s new voice in that I think it fits him but it’s different enough from the original voice that it bugs me. I would be fine with it if he’d been voiced this way from the start, but now I can’t help hearing the old VA.

Interesting that Neo’s illusions can talk. Not sure if this is the evolution of her Semblance or a property of the Ever After.

Oh now Ruby can whip out Crescent Rose no problem. So much for her previous hesitation. Wonder if her PTSD will get dropped like Yang’s

Nice to see Pyrrha in the new artstyle. Been too long since we heard her voice.

Yeah Roman makes a good point here

Ruby's still having zero trouble wielding Crescent Rose. What a surprise.

Let her fuckin know, Ruby

I feel like this episode kind of wants you to have read the Roman and Neo book, because even the stuff I picked up secondhand made aspects of the episode make more sense

Tree equated with death again:

"Well, if you want me dead, then come get me"

"You don't deserve to die, Red. You deserve to be broken down, torn apart, wiped from existence."

Note that this last part is said just as the leaf lands in the teacup. Neo wants Ruby deader than dead. Gone. Obliterated.

Ruby responds to the attack instinctively and with no hesitation, apparently having fully recovered from that aspect of her struggles in prior episodes.

Nice showmanship Neo, you missed your calling as an actress

So glad Ruby’s at the mercy of a supercharged Neo, no way that can end badly

Once again WBY show no sense of urgency despite knowing that Neo is out there and targeting Ruby and having recently seen Ruby be unable to lift her weapon to defend herself. It's like they've forgotten that stakes exist. You love to see it.

Get a fucking move on you four I’m kind of at the end of my patience with you here

Yang curse count goes up again, and once again it’s “damn it”. At this point she’s cursed more in this Volume than in all her previous appearances put together and I don’t really like this choice. It feels like they want to let her swear properly but are also too afraid to let her cut loose, so they’re splitting the difference and it just feels silly. Either let her cuss for real and fucking commit to the choice or treat her dialogue like everyone else’s and save the profanity for when it has any kind of actual impact like it did in Volumes 5 and 6.

I don’t know Yang maybe she ran away because you all consistently failed to give her the help she needed throughout the Volume, prioritized someone else’s pain over hers, and stood there while Jaune screamed at her. Then you specifically acted like she was a threat to Bland instead of reaching out to her. Great way to be the emotionally intelligent overprotective big sister you’ve been for the rest of the show, 10/10. I guess now that there’s nothing left of your girlfriend to massacre, the writers have started in on you.

Character Assassination: The Volume.

She tried to talk to you, Yang, but circumstances kept interrupting and then you all both failed to push hard enough when you did have time and then focused on Jaune the moment she actually managed to express her feelings

Thank you, Weiss, for being the only intelligent person in this entire season’s fucking cast. You have officially been the best character of this Volume for a while now.

Goddamn Neo’s really tearing into Ruby’s psyche

Not sure how I feel about the choice to skip more or less to Ruby’s Aura breaking. On the one hand, I don’t think we needed to see the actual fight. It’s not what’s important here. On the other hand, this Volume has really not impressed me with the action so far and I would love to have at least one good fight scene out of ten episodes.

"Are you ready for that drink yet?" Just another reminder that Neo thinks that drinking that tea means Ruby fucking dies.

Damn Pyrrha I guess you really can control poles

Too bad you died before you could show that move to Jaune

Why are half these characters here how does Neo even know some of them are dead and why does she think Ruby had anything to do with it

Literally why are Clover and Lionheart even here

Someone on this writing team really loves torturing Oscar, Jesus.

Oh great the Cat is back

Ruby says “I don’t want to be me anymore”. Yikes

What the fuck is the Cat doing hasn’t Ruby suffered enough

“I’ve been trying to wear you down for so long” you’ve known her for like 3 days dipshit don't act like this is the work of years I know your attention span is short but come on

Yeah anyone with a brain could’ve guessed you haven’t been entirely honest you’ve been giving off bad vibes since day one

Okay yeah the Gods remain dicks who casually break people and throw them away, what else is new

GET THEIR ASS LITTLE THIS IS YOUR ONE USEFUL MOMENT IN YOUR ENTIRE LIFE THIS IS YOUR TIME TO SHINE BABY

Lmao get wrecked Cat you just got finessed

Wow. Okay. That was a moment. RIP Little you would be missed if you hadn’t been both useless and annoying as fuck throughout the entire Volume but since you were I don’t really feel anything here beyond surprise that the writers would go there. If you want me to feel sad at Little’s death, give me a reason to have an emotional attachment to them to begin with. As it is, I’m just waiting to see what Ruby’s response is. That’s the only part that matters to me.

So there are two possibilities: either this breaks her utterly, or this reignites her resolve and she goes HAM on Neo’s ass. My guess is that we go with option one, that seems to be what this Volume is building toward and it’s too early for her to recover fully.

Okay, yeah, we went there. The main character just killed herself on-screen. Fantastic. What the actual fuck is with these writers and their obsession with suicide?

Also this scene was horrendously executed but I’ll talk about that in a sec

Sorry Neo I don’t care about your mental turmoil oh boo hoo revenge feels empty and now you don’t know what to do with yourself now that you’ve accomplished all your goals. Too bad, so sad, guess you should’ve tried being less of a cunt

Everyone just stands there fucking staring. Lovely.

What the fuck does that even mean, Cat? Who writes this dialogue? It has not been on point this Volume.

Weiss gets ragdolled again lmao this is her purpose in the universe

Lmao good work rabbit creature you saved Jaune’s ass. You’re literally the only useful Afteran

Did we really need such an extended closeup of Neo getting reverse vored? Somebody got to animate their fetish this Volume and milked it for all it was worth I swear to God

Jaune’s too late again it’s his most salient trait at this point, but he still gets more points than everyone else in the cast because at least he did more than stand there staring blankly at any point during this scene

Good riddance Neo you weren’t remotely likable and I can’t make myself feel sorry for you. Get fucked.

Well that’s creepy as shit

but I guarantee you someone on the animation team is aroused by this

Anyway oh look RWBY dropped the ball at the end of the episode again, what a surprise

Most of the episode was mediocre as shit but the end was fucking godawful (just like Episode 7)

You love to see it when 4 trained and experienced combatants see their friend and leader lying beaten on the ground with an enemy standing over her and just fucking stare for 20 seconds of screentime while she drinks fucking suicide tea. Make it make sense. Good work guys you’ve kept up your fantastic track record of failing Ruby for the entire Volume.

No thoughts going on in their entire fucking heads for 20 straight seconds of runtime.

Great showing from the woman who reacted in a fraction of a second and moved on instinct to throw herself in the way of an attack an opponent in disguise launched without warning when she was exhausted after fighting for like two straight days

Great showing from the woman who moved so fast to save her partner that she crossed a platform before the comrade that partner sacrificed herself to save had even hit the ground (way to hand more ammunition to the people who say the Bees only care about each other btw)

Great showing by… Weiss, I guess. She's here. She's participating.

Great showing by Jaune too but honestly I don’t expect anything from him at this point anyway so I don’t care. The other three have the capacity to be useful, so I hold them to higher standards.

The fanbase likes to say they couldn’t have known it was suicide tea but literally who gives a fuck, they know Neo wants Ruby dead, Ruby’s on the ground having obviously gotten her ass beat, Neo’s standing triumphantly over her and sure as hell isn’t bandaging her wounds, and any one of Ruby’s teammates could cover that distance in less time than it took Ruby to raise the cup to her lips. All three of Ruby’s teammates knew everything they needed to know to have a reason to defend her. All three of them have canonically demonstrated the ability to cross the distance between their entry point and Ruby/Neo in seconds at most and have made this exact kind of snap decision in combat situations on-screen. Yang should’ve been firing her gauntlets and parking her ass between Ruby and Neo the moment she saw what was going on, not standing there and drooling like she’d been spontaneously lobotomized the moment she walked into Neo’s House of Horrors and Blake and Weiss should’ve been right behind her

Yang has officially been killed. We now have two corpse-puppets being piloted around by foul necromantic magic and pretending to be characters I once knew and loved. I’m assuming Weiss is next somehow, can’t wait to see what travesties they inflict upon her.

This really is Character Assassination: The Volume, I was like 50% joking before but now I’m not joking at all holy shit I genuinely think the writers hate their characters at this point

Either that or they’re so staggeringly incompetent that they don’t even understand their characters

I bet they blame this shit on the animators again

Somebody please teach these bungling assclowns the absolute basics of screenwriting I am begging you on hands and knees how do you work on a show for a decade and still learn nothing how do you have decades of collective experience and still suck this much it defies belief

Really not sure how I feel about having Neo talk through her illusions but I don’t expect Rooster Teeth to give a shit about a character’s disability in any capacity at this point

Overall rating: DEAR GOD THIS IS AWFUL/10

[hms-no-fun]

where did the idea for roserot come from?

fittingly enough, it's sort of an amalgamated flowchart of ideas that evolved over the course of writing the latter half of 3.1. uhhh i guess godfeels spoilers below the break??

it started with killing davepeta. i knew june would kill davepeta and that it wouldn't be permanent, but that it *would* still be very costly for them in some way. my oldest plan for how to actually do that was reaaaaally nasty though. for a long time after the big fight in chapter 8, dana and crew would end up in the debris field around the moon at one ship that hadn't been torn apart... except it had no power. so june resurrected davepeta, inside of a battery that used them as an energy source. which would of course be torturous in some sense because like, come on, if you're gonna make a living battery it's gotta suck. like they don't make being a yellowblood in act 5 seem cool at all. shit's gotta be horrific if it's to have any meaning at all conceptually.

and that's just a bit too edgy for godfeels. this story's dark but i don't want it to be *mean.* davepeta hasn't earned that treatment and it's just kind of a waste of their character. it sucks and it feels bad and it doesn't really mean anything narratively. like oh you put a really likeable character in a torture box to torture them? what's jade gonna do, get more mad??? it's boring. it's a boring situation to put those characters in because all it really is is them going grrrrrrr and then waiting until i can contrive a way to reverse my goddamn mistake and get them back to square one.

so then i decided instead that rose would go grimdark, have her head cut off, her corpse would become a sort of oozing mass of oil and tentacles and lovecraftian corruption, so naturally june would use *her* for a battery instead. what is it about rose lalonde that makes this exact some conceit so much more palatable? like it's still fucked up but you know she would approve. and oh, mary, soaring through the stars on a ship powered by her dead wife's seething eldritch radioactivity! the romance is palpable. that's got some gas, you know?

but when i really got started on chapter 8 i realized i could cut out a whole chunk of pointless faffing about with june and dana trying to get some junk ship working, and escaping with it, and doing whatever until they eventually somehow rendezvous with lenore... by just using june's fucking super power to directly transport us to the plot palace boogie cruiser hotel. seriously i didn't plan to get into ANY of that stuff until 3.3, and honestly getting us to the comet *now* is just so much better in every way

but that means: no more need for a battery powered by main character death. which is great for the fandom, but now i've got these fucking plot points (bodies) just dangling around with nothing to do! davepeta's an easy fix because june could just fax them out to jade, the whole thing writes itself from there really, it's a softer landing, less cynical, and as with the comet it sets us up to get right to The Good Bits instead of fucking around spinning wheels. it puts the trauma directly into the hands of the people who will have to process it while under the gaze of the narrative. cut to the chase baby.

so what about rose? i knew that she as a character would die but that some wretched fact of her physical presence needed to become an animate antagonist force in some capacity. you'd think that epigone would be an obvious connection, and you're right! but i literally did not know epigone existed until it just fucking *showed up* at the end of dirk's chapter. i literally typed that fucking smiley after the cut to black and went

so anyway i then had to invent the metaphysics of ideaspace out of nothing and develop an entire narrative architecture to justify whatever the fuck that smiley was, a process which included making the above obvious connection vis a vis rose's corpse. from there it was easy to piggyback epigone off of dirk's newly-planned resurrection, and once i got a read on epigone's actual *character?* oh my god it was like angels singing, but in the worst most awful and bad way possible! the more i wrote of rotrose, the more possibilities emerged, and now it just so happens that this freak abomination slots perfectly into the spot of a villainous thing that i knew needed to be present in that section of the story but which had until then been entirely vague to me.

that's the godfeels writing process in a nutshell, basically. if i ever seem astonished that chapter 8 makes any sense at all, this is why. and it's quite literally the reason i committed to a lengthy planning phase before writing 3.2 in earnest, because as much of a thrill as that was it is something i absolutely never want to do again. i will probably end up having to do something like it again sooner or later because this story just can't help throwing me fucking curveballs at the last second, but hopefully it won't be quite so irresponsible next time.

uh anyway that is the origin of rotrose. you're welcome

[elegyofthemoon]

Hsr for the ask game thing! Or if it's been asked then hi3 :)

YAAAAAAAAAAAY RAMBLINGGGGGGG

the first character i ever fell in love with:

sampo :) i actually started playing hsr because of sampo! he just seemed like a silly little dude and i do tend to like the "goof but has some big lore potential going on". it took like a day of resisting to actually download the game lmao

a character that i used to love/like, but now do not:

Himeko..... I was actually really excited to get to know Himeko more when I had first started off. I mean come on: she's so beautiful! But laksjdfh I think overtime she eventually stopped standing out for me that I lost interest. That plus now that I've played HI3, the reason why I like HSR! Himeko feels like it's only because of HI3 Himeko and the importance of Himeko in the HI3 plot and for many characters' developments 😭 Sorry Himeko

a ship that i used to love/like, but now do not:

I guess KafHime tbh? I think aesthetically they're a very very pretty couple, but I just can't get behind it at all. Or I just have no reasons to get behind it since I'm not exactly invested in either characters. Though Kafka is definitely growing on me because I built her (accidental pull) and she's been doing such massive damage so like you know.

Even then I don't have anything to say about either characters aslkdjfa

my ultimate favorite character™:

surprise to no one it's Dan Heng ALKSJDFAKLSJH I can go on about why I like him, but tldr: I just got attached to him at a very very crucial point in my life and he's just a nice comfort character to me ^u^ I loved being able to get to know him further on the Luofu and all things about the High Cloud Quintet ! So... yeah :> also I miss him --

prettiest character:

IM STUCK BECAUSE I THINK DAN HENG IS SOOOOOO PRETTY BUT ALSO ARGENTIIIIIII ARGENTI IS SO BEAUTIFULLLL RADIANT KNIGHT WHO COMES WITH HIS OWN SPARKLES AND OURGHHHHHH

it's hard T _ T its very hard to tell T _ T

my most hated character:

I don't really have a character I hate. Just more disinterest towards. Dr. Ratio is definitely up there though (I ramble about him later lmao)

my OTP:

listen.... i know it has been a while.... but I still really love Serval/Cocolia. I rarely read fanfics aside from if its written by my friends but Servalia had me clawing through AO3 and Tumblr just to search for more fics for them. No one posts about them much anymore but I sure love them so much okay.

my NOTP:

i'm not going to say which ship but its one of the dan heng ships.

favorite episode:

I'll write this as "favorite update". Penacony has been suuuuch a fun ride honestly. So I'll say that entire section has been tons of fun. As of now I still haven't finished it in its entirety, but I can sense 2.2's story will probably be my favorite because I've been waiting to get to know Robin more and the Watchmaker!! But 2.1 has been fun because I just love seeing Acheron's section of it heheh :)

saddest death:

UHHH as of now, I think Aventurine's death in 2.1 was really sad :/ Hoyo did a really good job writing Aventurine and his story that once you get to the finale of the 2.1, I found myself kinda torn on how it ended. Aventurine who placed his bets on his own death because that is what his good luck is good for - winning against all odds. The epilogue scene with Aventurine walking off into the Nihility's shadow kinda got me too. And this is coming from someone who is like very.... meh on Aventurine? I can't really bring myself to get super invested in him but objectively, he is a really well thoughtout and well created character. I just have no feelings towards him.

favorite season:

I'll write this as "favorite area". It's still Penacony askldjfahlsk There's sooooo many things happening in Penacony and I loved being able to put the pieces together to figure out what's going on. It's also the first area that I had nearly read all the readables in because I'd make it my goal to finish reading every readable and 100% every area before the next update in Penacony :> I want to better understand the area I'm in and give myself ideas for where the story can go. The second area would have been Belobog because it's the only other area I was trying to 100% and read all the readables for (are the readables important in Belobog? no but some of them sure made me cry a bit LMAO)

least favorite season:

"Least favorite area" Honestly... Herta's Space Station. But that could also be because when I first started HSR, I was still orienting myself to the new world, so the space station is the least i remember. It's not that I hated it; it's trying to orient you into the new world and I was just confused for majority of it. I just don't remember enough about it nor about the people within it to care for it.

character that everyone else in the fandom loves, but i hate:

Objectively: I'll say he's interesting and I am interested to see his development. But Dr. Ratio. I don't get it. I've seen people talk about him wanting education to be accessible to ALL which is GREAT but personality? Can't stand him.

my ‘you’re piece of trash, but you’re still a fave’ fave:

Ruan Mei my most beloved. I want more of her and I feel like we didn't get enough of her. She's just so interesting as a character and while she may not be the most caring of characters - and reasons why people shit on her - I still feel like her view as a character is interesting. And even her motives of wanting to become an Aeon. I want to understand her better. Why? What drove her to want to become so? I WANT TO UNDERSTAND YOU MISS

my ‘beautiful cinnamon roll who deserves better than this’ fave:

not a beautiful cinnamon roll but she sure is beautiful but i love Jingliu 😭😭😭 one reason why i don't like interacting with majority of the fandom is because of their viewpoint on Jingliu's companion quest. I had way way clearer thoughts on the quest when it was fresh on my brain, but I actually liked it a lot more than the fandom let on about it, and I know that people were kinda shittalking about Jingliu afterwards and that made me Mad on her behalf because I think she's a really nicely thought out character. But then again, if you know me: white hair character who is defined by mourning and grief. you know the deal LKAJDHFALKJD

idk. I just feel like she deserves better than how the fandom treats her.

my ‘this ship is wrong, nasty, and makes me want to cleanse my soul, but i still love it’ ship:

I mean whatever the hell Rondo Across Countless Kalpas had going on, Black Swan/Acheron sure kinda has me feeling a way (in which i'd risk wanting a dance with Acheron. me too Black Swan LAKJDFALKS). Also in a way Servalia too I mean. You know.

my ‘they’re kind of cute, and i lowkey ship them, but i’m not too invested’ ship:

No one asked but I actually kinda lowkey ship Firefly/Robin. Like very very lowkey. My only reasoning is when 2.0 was fresh and i was in Mourning over Robin, I once sent a very giant and long essay to my friend N about me late night perusing and overanalyzing Firefly and Robin's deaths. like why specifically them ? Why did they have to die?

I took it in a very symbolic matter. I thought too much about Firefly's monologue about her answer to "Why do people slumber?" and her answer being "Because people are afraid to be awake" or something like that. And about how it was "If I can stop one heart from breaking" that played in the background of all this - a song that praises the comforts of a dream in the face of bleakness. In both cases, in my view, it felt like having both of them die at least in that update, the deaths also seemed to signal the idea of ceasing this concept of a dream and to face reality etc.

And that's something I'm super excited about based on where i am with HSR with arguing with Sunday over the concept of comfort vs freedom.

BUT BACK TO THE POINT OF THIS QUESTION: this concept and me fixating on their meanings, it gave me a reason to kinda put Firefly/Robin together. It's kinda nice parallel with each other in a way haha

[masterqwertster]

Oooo 🪶 for bells hells??

Prompt I have chatted a little about a Wings AU for a different prompt a while back. Though that brief summary was essentially Ashton only 😅 Anyways, ficlet!

"Are you sure you want me doin' this? I've never helped anyone preen before in my life," Imogen frets, hands hovering over scraggly blue and black and white feathered wings.

"It's quite alright, darling. I can teach you. It's not terribly complicated," Laudna reassures her, feathers rustling as her shoulders drop a bit so she cane peer back up at Imogen.

"Okay. Okay," Imogen breathes out, trying to calm the flutter of her own papery wings.

"I know my wings are quiet a mess, as it's a bit, mmm, difficult to reach everywhere. But I assure you it's really quite simple. You should be able to see that feathers usually lay going a certain direction. Like so," Laudna instructs, one wing folded close so she can run her own fingers along the feathers. "Preening is just nudging feathers back into alignment and knocking out the loose ones. It's a lot like brushing hair, I suppose," she furthers explains, demonstrating.

"Okay, guess I'll just... start?" Imogen hesitates, fingers hovering over feathers.

A breath, two, then she brushes her fingers down the surface of Laudna's wing.

"You'll need to get your fingers in there, darling," Laudna gently prompts. "If the feathers are lose enough for a little petting to knock loose, they'd fall off with movement."

"Right," Imogen mumbles, bringing her hand back up to the top and slowly sinking her fingers into feathers.

It makes her so nervous. This isn't sort of thing people can do with wings like Imogen's. Honestly, it's hard not to be scared of another's touch when you've got fragile bug wings. Sure, her wings are not so easily torn as an actual luna moth's, but they're certainly more delicate than bird's wings like Laudna's. And Laudna is so delicate already, being stuck between life and death.

"You really don't have to do this if you don't want to, darling," Laudna kindly offers as Imogen spends too long hesitating. "I can use Prestidigitation like I normally do. I'm used to not properly preening."

That steels Imogen's resolve. Laudna deserves the world, and while Imogen can't give her the world, she can do a simple task that no one's had the kindness to do for Laudna in far too long.

"No, I've got this," Imogen replies with determination, decisively stroking fingers down, feathers threaded between them.

And she gets to work.

By the time Imogen is done, there's a small pile of feathers on the floor. But, Laudna's wings don't look half as scraggly as they did before. They're still not at the glossy sheen of actual magpie's, but Laudna assures her that's probably just the deadness of her.

"Really, darling, I can't thank you enough. It's been decades since I've been properly preened. It feels wonderful." And her wings give a joyful little flutter.

Imogen just smiles, glad to have given Laudna a bit of the joy and comfort the undead woman brings to her.

[invinciblerodent]

I feel like as the release draws near, I should update my Rook concepts a little bit, post a bit more about how they've been taking shape in my head... (no visuals of the designs yet- while I have loose ideas, I'm also undecided, and kind of going back and forth on many things, lol.)

Divvying them up by class, the warriors are gonna be:

Verbena Mercar, main Rook

the Idealist, who likely wouldn't really be in this mess if it wasn't happening right on her doorstep (and ngl, fully thought she was just taking this job for like, a month at best), but someone has to do something, and it might as well be her. So far what I know about her is that she has a good head on her shoulders, a strong sens of justice, and few scruples about breaking the rules to do what's right, and she will trip over her knickers the first time she sees Davrin.

She'll be the first character I play, a human sword and board warrior- she's had a first name since roughly 2016, and I can't wait to explore her personality more. For now, I'm kind of torn whether on her appearance I'll want to lean more into her being from Minrathous (so stealing Dorian's color scheme a little bit), or her being distantly related to my Inquisitor Trevelyan (so kind of resembling Ray)(and Kate Bush)(I can see her looking more like Ray's sister than his actual sister, that'd be fun)- but either way, the one design thing I'm firm on is that she'll have some really interesting steel-grey eyes. (I'm calling them her dagger-greys in my head, and I love the thought of them looking cold and almost colorless until there's something for them to reflect- like the warm light of the fire in Davrin's room~)

Tristan Thorne

the Professional, who is Totally Not A Zombie or a Wandering Spirit looking for Purpose, but maybe, just maybe, saving the world will be the way to finally find it. (maybe it's somewhere in Emmrich's pants, who knows, he'll need to investigate.)

For him, I've a short snippet of his backstory as a very normal 17-year-old human Fereldan boy who once took up arms to fight for his village, and "died" in the Battle of Ostagar, so I hope to kind of lean into the "undead" angle a bit more.

I know regardless of what the CC actually allows, he'll have a number of tattoos chronicling his life (and death) all over his body, partly as a way to reclaim ownership of it, and I'm hoping that in the background, I can kind of start off what he'll have going on with Emmrich underscored by a ~purely clinical~ interest. (until the pierced nipples on a wide, hair-littered barrel of a chest come out, which is when all scholarly sense goes out the window.)

(I'll need to see the CC for him most I feel, because no picrew I've found lets me make burly greying gentlemen with appropriately sad and haunted eyes, lol. But I'm thinking fairly low-maintenance short hair, maybe a touch lighter than the black I had planned initially [so he'll not look like a knockoff Blackwall], pale skin, and eyes that are a shade of brown that look unsettlingly red if the sun hits them slightly wrong.)

The rogues:

"Tanner"

(or Nalinda Bramunt, Elena Firavanti, Loseck Brovo, Stéphane Rousselot-Poincaré, and honestly, who even knows how many more, the list goes on and on- but as far as anyone is concerned, Laidir will do), the Daredevil: adventurer, treasure hunter, poet of some renown, spy more than just incidentally. She's an Orzammar-born dwarf and ex-Inquisition agent enamored with the ocean, she's 500 pounds of whoopass in a 120 pound bag, she likes knives a bit too much, and she's here to sweep Harding off her feet and get paid.

I'm thinking a butch/futch lesbian(? unsure on that, could be bi, she'll have to tell me herself) dwarfette with dual daggers, I'm thinking blonde and sea-tanned, I'm thinking pierced lip/tongue, I'm thinking tattoos ("gaatlok-spots", as a reference to gunpowder-spots of actual sailors), and I'm thinking her having more trouble confessing her actual first name to Harding than she'll have confessing her romantic feelings. (She smokes. She 100% smokes. And if there's at all a chance for her to have a poly romance with Harding and Taash, she'll TAKE it.)

(myesh i knoooow that there's a Sister Tanner agent in Redcliffe and a Tanner in Bull's first Skyhold friendship scene, I figured it's both a spy's profession name and a fairly common unisex name in Ferelden- I was thinking about tanning leather, because I wanna call her and Harding "leather and Lace" in my head.)

Coris de Riva

the Cynic who'd like to correct all in the rumor that she once dispatched a mark by tearing his still beating heart out of his chest with her teeth. (He actually bled out when she bit through his windpipe- she only cut his heart out afterwards, upon the client's request.) A pretty surface dwarf with a checkered Chantry past, enough arrows in her quiver, more than enough resentment in her heart, and no small desire to force the First Talon to his knees- if only he'll then actually look her in the eye.

Her plan is going to be to live out her grudge deeper than a Titan's asshole against the Crows by making herself the Lady Macbeth whispering in a Dellamorte's ear, and she'll be very pleased to have the more favored grandson that was believed dead (she had her doubts on that one) dropped into her lap. Except she'll not expect to realize that, along the way, he'll actually worm his way into her cold little shriveled up heart, and suddenly, pushing him to take over the Crows and then stabbing him to take over herself doesn't sound like that fun an idea anymore.

The mage:

Marcus Ingellvar

the Scholar with more talent, curiosity, and compassion (and excellent sideburns) than good sense, who's not really had a conversation longer than 20 minutes with a living person in more years than he can count, and will likely feel his very core turn into warm vanilla pudding the first time he lays eyes on Taash.

I'm toying with the thought of fucking with gender a little bit on him, but I'm unsure what that means for him. I'm getting a Vibe, but I'm wondering if it's just that he'll have an interesting approach to masculinity (which sounds like heaps of fun to explore and contrast a little bit with Ray's fairly traditional masculinity), some flavor of nonbinary-ness, or if this guy is just... trans, and that's it lol. But for him, I'm really thinking of an appearance that's rather tall and lanky, and... kind of if Rezaren from DA: Absolution was both very, very tired, and a semi-starved Victorian urchin child. (With, again, excellent sideburns.)

Either way, my goal is that people will look at him, and immediately want to feed him warm soup. I hope Taash will need to physically pull him from danger and carry him to safety more times than either of them can count, and I think he'll be very, very pleased with that. (And let's be real, no matter who happens to be wearing the penis at the time, she'll be the one topping.) (And again, he'll be very, very pleased with that.)

Undecided:

Syl Aldwir

the Double Agent who, after having worked with the Friends of Red Jenny as an Orlais-born elf (long story), joined the Veil Jumpers in hope of connecting with her elvish roots, but wound up with her butt planted firmly on the ground between the two proverbial chairs she could have landed on.

Her design is the one that varies the most wildly in my mind, but my inspo for her is a certain piece of Tabris concept art, so she'll probably look either a bit like that, or like Cid, the Tabris I had played once.

I'm planning for a lot of sapphic yearning with Neve, but depending on her relationship with her elvishness, I can see it ultimately being Bellara too- it'll need to unfold during the gameplay (hoping for a love triangle type of thing, or some jealousy-dialogue, if there is any in the game), but personally I'm leaning towards Neve- partly as a rejection of the elves' clinging to the unclear ancient past, and partly because, well, fucking look at her lol.

(She'll either be an archer rogue or a sword and board warrior, depending on which type of gameplay I enjoy more.)

[meandering-reality]

Fear of fear of fear of fear, ugg get over it

When I finally stepped out from under the avalanche of rainbows and unicorns I had pulled over my eyes I realized that I feared death. Or at least that's how my over-thinking, anxiety riddled brain decided its thoughts on “where the heck am I doing with this info” led me.

Again, I wasn't raised religious. My mother was angry about being raised under my grandparents' religion and so she was an atheist. And while we didn't discuss it much, the emotions I picked up from her were always very bitter and angry about it.

My grandfather and great grandmother I always saw as it was a place to go on Sunday. Well scratch that for grandpa, there was always a game on. 

My grandmother however put her all into it. She sat down every day and studied the Bible as well. She never spoke to me about it either (I found out later that my mom had basically threatened to never let her see me again if she ever spoke about or took me to church). The one huge difference between the two is that my grandmother always felt like an angel to me.

Maybe it was a difference in personality. Or how they moved through the world. Perhaps age and experience as well. Whatever it was I look back at my childhood and see me being torn between my grandmother's love and my mother's lack of it.

I've had years to work on forgiveness. To realize she did the best she could with what she had. To hear stories of what an amazing and loving person she was. To find a way to love that kid I was. The one  that just wanted to feel like their mom loved them. To learn how to stick up for and protect that kid out of time.

All of these things lead into this cycle of 7 to 8 years of being flung back into a position where I feel like I've unlearned everything I worked on before. All coming to a head with the question what's going to happen to me when I die?

It's funny that oblivion never entered into the equation. It is more a fear of being alone, conscious and alone. I do have a spiritual belief, it's not as simple as saying I'm a Christian. It's also not as simple as saying I'm spiritual (why too many ideas and choices). I could narrow it by saying awakened but honestly that doesn't really narrow it much either.

I (when I'm not spiraling in all my unresolved crap) do believe in God, or creator or source or whatever word you want to use. I just don't believe in religious dogma. So where did that fear come from?

Especially since I've said to myself over and over that I'm not afraid to die. I'm not a fan of pain though so could we avoid that? The diagnosis just sent me into this twister of self hate, self doubt, mental self harm and it centered around my age and not feeling like I've done whatever I was supposed to do here.

Does anyone know that? A lot do, what about those of us that don't. There is a lot of emphasis put on following your path or purpose but not all paths are known. There is also a huge confusion with the earthly idea of purpose. They think of wealth being the goal. The mansion with 15 bedrooms, 20 baths and 4 pools (so small).

Your purpose could have just been to smile everyday. When we don't know it's easy to condem yourself for not doing it and then dying “bad”. Like I'm dying this young cause I've always been a fuck up. That's where my head went. That's when the fear set in. That's when I all of a sudden had the balls to start looking at things I wanted to do or change about myself and actually started.

For years I've had a victim (though I really learned to word it so it didn't sound like it) mentality about my relationship with anger. “This is what I learned from my mom”. Snap and scream. Twirling whirlwind thoughts that make it so when I walk away I can come back hours later and still be as angry and mean as I was before I went to “cool off”. 

It's a pattern that has kept me blissfully satisfied with what a horrible mess I am and why nobody should love me, I'm just not worth it. 

Aww a mother's love and teachings. Ha! I moved out at 18. This is hardly her doing at this point. It has much more to do with my belief in it. And instead of taking my grandmother's opposite words to heart I took the other and have struggled with so many deep dives into oblivion I can't count. I don't want to go there any more.

I know habits take a while to make and I've only just begun. Here's to taking a giant step towards the light and the love that awaits once I'm truly done with this incarnation. We've always been worthy of a beautiful afterlife, we just have to live it the best we can before we go.

Much love.