#I've gotten way more comments than I've ever had in my life on ao3 telling me they hope I write a second fic for the fandom

[billybabearr]

Some BillyBabe fanfic-writing advice needed ⊂⁠(⁠(⁠・⁠▽⁠・⁠)⁠)⁠⊃

So I fell madly in love with the Thai BL 'The Sign'. So much so that it had a horde of plot bunnies run wild in my head.

It gave me so much inspiration that I decided to just start writing again, which makes me unbelievably happy because I definitely forgot how much I enjoyed it.

My story is a RPF about the cast of the show, specifically Babe and Billy, because I just love their relationship (other cast members are featured as well, primarily Heng and Akk).

I don't have a good summary yet, but it's roughly this:

Babe Tanatat never anticipated how much his life would change the moment he stepped onto the set of 'The Sign'. He finds incredible new friends among his co-stars, experiences things he never imagined he would and gets to be part of something truly special.

But every success has it's downsides. From mishaps to accidents to sheer bad luck, everything that can go wrong does.

And if that doesn't make his life complicated enough, Babe finds himself grappling with some unexpected yet very confusing feelings for one particular coworker.

Babe has no idea how he got himself into this mess, nor how he can get out of it.

(Seriously, trying to come up with a half-decent summary is way harder than any writing I've done so far. But I guess coming up with a title will be worse 🫠)

In my story I'm following the episodes, going through them one at a time, picking out scenes that have the potential to go wrong / be funny / etc.. I'm also using the bts-material, as well stuff they said in interviews or offhand comments in their reaction videos (I'm a sucker for details, if you can't tell 😆)

Also, it might have gotten a little out of hand. I've already written around 130k words (not edited or in the correct order, but still), before I decided it might be nice to publish it. And I'm not even halfway through the list of stuff I want for each episode.

And yes, I actually made a list. A (not so) little file for each episode, detailing what scenes and prompts I want there with bullet points for the actual plot. So basically I already have a rough concept/script, but with enough space in between for new ideas.

Since this will be the first time I ever upload a story (on AO3), I'd like to get some opinions on it first.

What do you think about the overall idea? Is it something you might be interested in?

What tense do you prefer while reading - present or past?

What is your preferred chapter length (especially in longer stories)?

What do you think about pictures at the beginning of a chapter? Since I'm following the episodes/bts, there will almost always be a specific scene tied to each chapter. I'm playing with the idea of adding a picture/gif at the start of these. For easy reference where in the storyline we are (or just because they're all cute (⁠◠⁠‿⁠・⁠)). Is that something you'd enjoy? Or do you find it more disruptive/annoying?

And I'm always open to new prompts or plot ideas (tied to specific scenes or not).

I hope some of you can share your thoughts, since I'm a complete newbie to publishing stuff. Any other tips and tricks are always greatly appreciated as well 🤗

Have a good one!

(+ I promise my actual writing is better than whatever weird rant this is. Never done a blog post either, and I'm guessing it shows 😂)

[missiemoosie]

Fanfic writer interview~

Thank you for the tag, @sotwk~!

A note: I put links to each of the fics that get mentioned, but only logged in AO3 users can see them.

How many works do you have on AO3?

8

What's your total AO3 word count?

1,698,209

Your top 5 stories by kudos/likes:

Her Dreams Became Nightmares [The Hobbit, Thorin x f!oc]

Of Sparrow and Drystan [PotC, Jack Sparrow x f!oc x genderfluid!oc]

Azying [The Hobbit, Bofur x f!oc x m!oc and rewrite of Finding Their Place]

Finding Their Place [The Hobbit, Bofur x f!oc]

Daughter of Death [Mulan (1998), no romance, f!oc]

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to respond to as many comments as I can, though sometimes, I just don't have the energy. The ones I do reply to are usually ones that make me laugh or have non-spoilery questions~

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Daughter of Death, definitely. Though, it's sequel, Daughter of Rebirth, might be tied with it.

What's the fic you've written with the happiest ending?

Taming a Monster. Only because, other than the aforementioned Mulan fics, it's the only fic on my account that's actually finished LMAO

Do you write crossovers?

Not really. I do sometimes sneak little easter eggs into my fics, though. Like in Finding Their Place/Azying, Ned the Piemaker from Pushing Daisies is the brother to Adela. And in my PotC fic, I plan on Emil running into Edward Kenway from Assassin's Creed IV: Black Flag (among others).

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yeah. Some people didn't like that my oc for Taming a Monster was dark skinned. Not that she was half troll, but that she was dark-skinned in a Viking-Based fandom. Also got one hate comment on Of Sparrow and Drystan because someone was pissed Emil was actually a woman....But that's about it.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I sometimes do, but I don't post it. Because I don't need all my kinks out in the open. I'm nervous enough posting my drawn smut LOL

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I...don't think I have. I do know someone was translating Taming a Monster into Russian, so if ever anyone ever came across that, please know it was done with permission.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Speak of the devil, I just mentioned this =D

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope. My friend and I were going to try co-writing an Avengers fic a few years ago, but we never got around to it.

What's your all-time favorite ship?

We talking canon x canon? Or can we include oc x canon? Because, tbh, I don't really hardcore ship any canon x canon ships, aside from Will and Elizabeth from PotC or Kaz x Inej from Six of Crows. So maybe those? Or Bofur x Thorin. Otherwise, my favorite ships are mostly ot3s with an oc involved.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

Daughter of Life, the final part of my Mulan series. I just got so incredibly burnt out on it that even thinking about it makes me feel like that one meme of Ben Affleck smoking.

What are your writing strengths?

People tell me it's my descriptions and keeping the characters...well, in character.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I struggle with shorter stories and that, in turn, gives me burn out. I've gotten better about writing shorter chapters over the last couple of years, though.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I do it sparingly, unless it's a made up language like Khuzdul. But even then, I try to keep it limited because I know there are people who actually speak neo-Khuzdul and would probably want to strangle me for the way I write it LOL

What's a fandom/ship you haven't written for yet but want to?

None, really. I just want to be able to get the gumption to work on my own stories soon LOL

What's your favorite fic you've written?

Since you say 'written', I'm assuming this means finished fics. So in this case, it'd have to be Taming a Monster. If we're talking fanfics in general, then Azying. It's got more of my headcanons and worldbuilding in it for the Hobbit than HDBN, since I allow myself more freedom to play around (and did I mention it's an everyone lives AU?)

Time for tags~! Most of the people I know who write fics have already been tagged, so there aren't too many I can add to the list. However, the ones I will add:

@arcadian-dragon-riding @kotaka-kun @oh--you--pretty--things and whoever else would like to do this~!

[tinacentury]

Fic Writer Asks

Been a minute since I crawled out of my cave here, but an ask game remains the best way for me to do so. Thanks for the tag, @folklauerate!

How many works do you have on AO3?

21. Here they are so I don't have to link them all below.

What's your total AO3 word count?

107,797

What fandoms do you write for?

I was vehemently a one-fandom (Sailor Moon) person until Bridgerton season 2 came crashing into my life. I've accepted being a two-fandom writer now, but it's still weird.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

These are skewed because the Bridgerton fandom is bigger, so, by fandom:

Bridgerton: Follow the Sparks, An Involuntary Thing, Unframeable, Mine to Keep Warm, Canis caminan non est

Sailor Moon: Belonging, Familial Eyes, Win a Date with Tuxedo Mask!, Contrition, What Wasn't Said

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I definitely try to, but I fall behind. I like the fandom engagement piece of responding to comments and talking to friends and readers, but when it becomes an expectation at the expense of my sanity, I let myself off the hook. That's generally the approach that has worked best for me with all things fandom-related. This is supposed to be a hobby, not a chore.

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Contrition.

Do you get hate on fics?

Haven't gotten anything I would really describe as hate yet, but I have gotten some "this is boring" comments, and just recently had someone decide my comment section was the ideal place to talk about current world events. I do think it's absurd that we live in a world where I had to turn comment moderation on because of this.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

It's not my main focus, but yes. I'm not sure what it says about me that smut writing comes more easily to me in Bridgerton writing than it ever did in Sailor Moon writing.

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Nope!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Hard nope!

What's your all-time favorite ship?

I think it has to be a tie between Kanthony and Usamamo. Usamamo has the stronger history, being that I've shipped it since I was 11, and while I'm not super active in that fandom right now (tbh is anyone?), I won't be at all surprised if/when I get inspired to dive back in. Kanthony pulled me in the same way Usamamo did, so I can't not include them here.

What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Given my update speed, I tend to lean towards "never say never", but things don't look good for that Contrition sequel I've been banging on about since 2019.

What are your writing strengths?

I think I'm pretty good with dialogue; it comes more easily to me than all the other moving pieces. Went through a phase during which my writing got compared to poetry a lot, but I don't think I've been able to pull that off in any of my Bridgerton work yet.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I can tell you they're all tied to perfectionism -- speed, anything that happens in between dialogue making things sound pretty instead of dry and academic (damn that too many years of schooling), over-explaining things, and writing the same damn kiss the same damn way multiple times.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for fic?

Lol tell me you came of age in the 2000s without telling me. I would sprinkle it into Sailor Moon stuff, but there's a fine line between "this is useful" and "this reads like a geocities fanfic site from 1999." I haven't done it with Bridgerton just because I don't know enough, but I'll definitely ask @folklauerate and @hydriotaphia if I ever do!

First fandom you wrote for?

Sailor Moon when I was very, very, very young (cool that an eighth-grader did this, but not cool enough to show to anyone ever).

Favorite fic you've ever written?

-The Benedict chapter of An Involuntary Thing

-Despite a whole host of issues, 5 Years

This was fun and took me back! Tagging @kasienda, @penny-loaf, and @daikon1

[scknight05]

20 Questions for fic writers

I was tagged by @racerchix21 and @tizniz (retroactively lol) quite a while ago but I'm just now getting around to doing this.. This is the first time in forever I've been on a device that hasn't been my phone or ipad.

Tagging: @warpedpuppeteer @heroofshield @neverevan @daffi-990 uuhhh... and I guess anyone else who either hasn't done this or wants to do this. No pressure to the tagged people either.. just didn't know who to tag.

1-How many works do you have on ao3?

Currently.. 2.. 😅😅 I had 3 and one point but I deleted one thing that in the end I didn't like. HOWEVER I currently have about 4 or 5 WiPs that I'm hoping to maybe start posting some more stuff soonish if life stops getting in the way.

2-What’s your total ao3 word count?

7,803

3-What fandoms do you write for?

Currently: 9-1-1 (during my ff.net days I've also done some Stargate stuff as well).

4-Top 5 fics by kudos?

1-SIMPLE MISUNDERSTANDINGS 2-All is Lost Again (But I'm Not Giving In). 3-5: TBD lol

5-Do you respond to comments?

I try if I don't forget

6-What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Haven't gotten around to one yet...

7-What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

It's probably gonna be one of my current WiPs lol

8-Do you get hate on your fics?

Haven't yet but I'm sure it'll happen with some of my ideas I've got planned.

9-Do you write smut?

Negative. Just don't think I can do it any kind of justice to be honest.

10-Craziest crossover?

Published or unpublished? 🤣 If we're going with PUBLISHED, then I had (guess it's still there) a Stargate Atlantis/Torchwood crossover over on ff.net. UNPUBLISHED.. well then we'll probably have to go with my Legends of Tomorrow/Power Rangers Dino Charge (It's a multiverse story that didn't feature the characters/crew in the show other than a mention here or there... that has now bled a bit into 911 territory as well) that may or may not ever see the light of day... Depends on my mood.

11-Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Don't think so. Nothing has probably ever been good enough to warrant theft haha

12-Have you ever had a fic translated?

No

13-Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Contributed some ideas but nothing more than that.

14-All time favorite ship?

Probably gonna get some hate here but... oh well.. -Chiley (Chase/Riley), Buddie (Buck/Eddie), Tevan (Buck/Tommy), Stackhouse/Markham (this was from Stargate Atlantis and let me tell you.. for two extremely minor characters, those two launched an impressive ship!! Hell they didn't even have first names!! And yes, I jumped in on that ship as well! Obviously since I'm mentioning it!)

15-What’s a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Probably the Stargate Atlantis/Torchwood one... Or my "Silver Saber" story (Power Rangers Lost Galaxy.. My mind does drift back to that idea every so often but I doubt I'll ever redo anything with it.)

16-What are your writing strengths?

Creating the general idea/premise probably.

17-What are your writing weaknesses?

Actually putting thoughts into words that sound good.

18-Thoughts on dialogue in another language?

If it works/fits then I'm all for it I guess but... thats about it.

19-First fandom you wrote in?

Power Rangers.. I've always been the creative kid and I was writing fanfic BEFORE I even knew that was a thing.. I was just "writing stories" at that point lol

20-Favorite fic you’ve written?

Don't have one yet.. I like some of my ideas but I don't really have a favorite story YET to be honest.

Not part of the questionnaire thing but I'm thinking about starting a side blog just for writing stuff, the kinda give updates and share ideas even if I'm not able to get any actual writing or posting done... haven't decided fully yet.

[justhere4thevibez]

Twenty Questions for Fic Writers

Tagged by @staceymcgillicuddy @cyraclove and @bibiche007 thanks guys 💛💛💛

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

32! I can't believe it!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

420,197 which is insane!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Stranger Things, hellcheer specifically

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Long Is the Road Out of Hell (dnd au)

The Interview (college/fake dating au)

Hold Onto Me (vampire au)

Cooking Up Something Sweet (rockstar social media au)

Waiting For This Moment (flower shop/tattoo parlor au)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes! I try to respond to every single comment! They took the time to give me a comment, why wouldn't I take the time to thank them for it?

6. What is a fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

That's tough, because I always try to give hellcheer a happy ending - they deserve it! But Release My Inner Fantasy, despite being almost purely smut, definitely has the angstiest ending. (although it might be slightly cheating since it is part of an ongoing series, and I do intend to give them an eventual happy ending)

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Again, I love to write happy endings! So most of my fics are very happy at the close. But Hooked on a Feeling might be my most sappy-sweet ending. It's definitely one of my more lighthearted fics!

8. Do you get hate on fics?

honestly, no! the hellcheer fandom overall has been very kind to me. the closest I get to hate on fics is people wishing/asking me to do something different than I've already done (i.e. write an alternate ending because they didn't want A or B in it), which can be very discouraging. but I don't get that a lot!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do! However, I had never written actual smut in my life until this year, so I'm still pretty new at it

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Not really. The closest I've ever gotten to a crossover is crossover elements loosely integrated in a fic. Devil in the Woods, for example, uses bits and pieces from things like little red riding hood and beauty and the beast while remaining very much its own thing!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of! And I'd very much like to keep it that way

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i don't think so! but i'd be honored if somebody did

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I haven't, but I have a lovely friend who betas for me on occasion and we bounce ideas back and forth so much it sometimes feels like cowriting ( @slumped-in-the-arms-of-fiction )

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

hellcheer, if you couldn't tell 😉

15. What's a wip you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

I intend to finish every single wip I have going atm (As well as a few on the back burner lol). but sometimes it feels like i'm never going to finish them, especially when i'm on the very last chapters. why does it always work like that???

16. What are your writing strengths?

I feel like i'm pretty good at writing intimate scenes. and by that i mean scenes where not a lot's going on, where a small group of characters (usually two) can be together or have a conversation that doesn't do much for the plot but sheds a lot of light on the characters themselves (both to the readers and within the story between characters)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm very undisciplined with writing habits, i don't write every day or have certain goals. i struggle to describe people and scenery in a concrete way that is integrative with the story itself.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

find a native speaker and get (and listen to) their feedback. whether it's tenses, phrases, or cultural tendencies, let someone who's actually the expert be the expert.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

hellcheer! unless you count me scribbling in my journal when i was about eight, writing a boxcar children story because i'd heard that they employed ghost writers and i thought "i could do that!" i wrote like half a dozen sentences, convinced i was going to become employed by the boxcar children publisher.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

honestly? probably Devil in the Woods. it's the one i go back to the most when i need a comfort read.

Tagging @slumped-in-the-arms-of-fiction @sloelimbs@ebongawk and anyone else who wants to join!

[little-box-of-wonders]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Thanks for the tag @grexigone! n.n

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

33 as of Nov. 15, 2023

2. What's your total A03 word count?

135,824 words

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Only Horizon (Zero Dawn/Forbidden West) for now.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

To Know Peace: 103 kudos (Rated T) - First longfic

Live for the Night: 88 kudos (Rated E) - First smut fic

Bonding Moments: 83 kudos (Rated G) - Companion vignettes fic for To Know Peace

Devotion: 79 kudos (Rated E) - Kinktober 2023 drabbles collection

Visual Delights: 77 kudos (Rated E) - Fun, smutty 5+1 oneshot

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do! Comments mean that someone took the time to read my fic and something stuck with them enough to tell me about it. It makes me feel appreciated, and I want my readers to feel appreciated in turn. :3

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oof, probably Shadowed Heart, which is my first rare pair fic (Fashav/Ritakka). I promise to give them a happier ending in my series.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I'd say To Know Peace has the happiest ending so far.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I got a couple of comments on Bonding Moments about some choices I'd made that rubbed me the wrong way, but I haven't gotten hate publicly or privately. I think it helps that Horizon is still relatively small in the fanfic/fanart space and I don't share my ship-specific fics on the subreddit for the games.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do and I have no shame, hehe. It's mostly M/F and very light on kinks. Other than my Kinktober drabbles, the raunchiest fic I've written is Early Exit.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

No crossovers. They're kinda tricky to get right.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

To my knowledge, no, but I haven't checked FF.net or Wattpad to confirm.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope. Spanish is my native language, but I have no plans to translate my fics from English to Spanish.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

@jadefyre and I have a smut fic in the works that we started earlier this year. Also, not co-written but @murmart made a beautiful art of Fashav/Ritakka for my fic Heavy in Your Arms. :3

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Definitely Aloy/Kotallo. Not only did seeing their dynamic and conjuring up ship possibilities get me to write again after a long hiatus, but it's also allowed me to become part of a community of amazing creators both in the Kotaloy Elysium Discord server and beyond. n.n

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I don't necessarily think I'll leave any of my WIPs unfinished, but some are a little more complicated than others in terms of getting them to meet my own standards (yeah, I'm my harshest critic).

With longfics, I've since learned to write until completion and then start posting, only because I don't enjoy the self-imposed pressure to update something that's already out there since life can be really uncertain at times.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Dialogue! It takes me such a long time, but I love nailing the voices of the characters correctly and having readers comment on that and their characterization. However, I do find speeches a bit cumbersome to write because every word has so much weight to them, even though I do enjoy the end result.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I struggle with describing environments/settings, because I never know if I'm being descriptive enough to paint a full picture for the reader.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I think if it's a few sentences here and there is fine, but anything else might make it inaccessible to part of the readership unless it's stated in the author's note that the fic will feature two or more different languages.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Horizon, though I wrote a (thankfully never published) fic for Final Fantasy VII when I was around 13 years-old; trust me, it wasn't good and I still cringe thinking about the plot. HOWEVER, I miss that feeling of writing without caring about the end result, of just having a deluge of words on paper with a somewhat coherent narrative thread.

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

It's hard to pick only one because all of my fics are special in their own way, but I'll go with Hurricane Drunk because I had so much fun describing Kotallo being drunk and struggling with confessing his feelings for Aloy in a humorous way.

Tagging @setavvo, @fogsblue, @hannahmationstudios, @destinysembrace-oblivion and @mwasaw. (No pressure! Only if you want to).

[holdmeclosertinytaron]

RHW: Chapter Three

Story Page / Playlist / Wattpad / AO3

A/N: I am so unbelievably sorry that this is only just getting to you! I've been on holiday to the coast this week and totally forgot to schedule the chapter before I left. Then when I got there, I had pretty much no signal and no access to any decent internet so when I tried to post it, it failed. However, it does mean you get two chapters this week which is a bonus! Thank you for your patience.

And thank you, as always, to my saving grace during this whole writing process, @brayndilyn. You are amazing and I'm so lucky that you popped into my DMs that day last year. Life is brighter with you in it!

Warnings: Explicit language, narcissistic behaviours, rough relationships with maternal figure.

Word Count: 7.4k

December 23rd, 2021

Last minute work obligations for Taron and planning a book tour while also trying to continue her job for Liliana resulted in them not seeing one another since they’d had dinner and drinks. It wasn’t for lack of trying, either. They had both offered multiple dates that they were free but their schedules never lined up properly which neither of them enjoyed. 

Despite their busy schedules, they had maintained their regular text conversations and it had reached a point that if Liliana hadn’t heard from Taron for as little as a few hours, she noticed she’d started to pout which worried her. The attachment she had for being friends with Taron again was growing stronger and his absence had begun to affect her more than she cared to admit. 

It wasn’t a secret that she had been far happier since getting him back in her life. Though it only heightened how unhappy she had been before. If she was this sad not hearing from him for a few hours, she dreaded to think how she would feel if the happiness she’d only just gotten back was taken away. No doubt she would be worse than before the book launch. The thought alone scared her. 

If Liliana had been completely honest with herself, not something she was regularly, she would have told herself that the feelings she had for Taron were slowly beginning to transform into slightly more romantic feelings of late. It had been Evelyn’s comment about them being a power couple that made her realise. She didn’t hate the comment her best friend had made, and found herself fantasising about a life with Taron on the tube home that evening. 

It wasn’t difficult to imagine the future and what it could look like with Taron. Them being together and doing all the things; the small domestic activities like cooking together or watching TV curled up in one another’s arms, and the grand things like holidays abroad and attending events on one another’s arms. At work she found herself drifting off to think about him until Evelyn came into her office and knocked her back to reality with a thud. 

Liliana’s feelings were unrequited. He couldn’t ever feel that way about her. He was an award winning actor and she was, well she was Liliana. She had a published book and that was as interesting as her life got. How could he ever think that way about her? He never did when they were younger. What would have changed in the years they weren’t in contact with one another? 

As their road trip to Aberystwyth approached, Liliana couldn’t stop thinking about being in such an enclosed space with Taron for so long. Her stomach twisted any time she thought about it. Every night before bed she gave herself a peptalk, telling herself that she had to play it cool and see if she could get a read on Taron to decipher how he felt about her. If he felt anything about her at all. 

It wasn’t the time to be making any grand gestures. They’d only been in contact again for a little over six weeks and she didn’t want to ruin what they had built back up. Especially not so close to Christmas. 

On the morning he was due to pick her up for the drive home, she’d been a ball of nerves since her eyes opened. She anxiously flitted around her flat trying to get everything packed and tidied up before he got there. She cleaned every room twice and had reached the point of moving things from one place to another and then decided that she preferred them where they were before so moved them back. It was a vicious cycle that she couldn’t get herself out of. Until Taron arrived. 

Taron had arrived a little earlier than planned to pick Liliana up, which was absolutely unheard of with London traffic, and Liliana wasn’t quite ready. She’d been in the middle of grabbing her toiletries when he texted to let her know he was there. 

I’m just finishing getting my stuff together. I’ll buzz you in and you can come wait up here if you’d like? Instead of sitting in the car x 

No problem. I’ll be there shortly x

No more than a second had passed between him pressing the buzzer and Liliana letting him in, pulling her front door open so he could walk right in without having to knock. Not that she would have wanted him to knock. All of her friends let themselves into her flat and she wanted Taron to feel comfortable enough to do the same. 

With her suitcase now packed completely, she moved to the living room to get her handbag ready. When it came to roadtrips, no matter how short, she took them seriously. She stood in front of her bookshelf and stared at her many books to decide which one to take with her. Her own book, which was selling out everywhere at a rapid pace, sat front and centre staring at her and she smiled to herself. 

‘I know you said your flat was tiny but this is petite,’ Taron commented as he walked through the front door into the narrow entryway that led to each of the three main rooms. He stepped around the suitcase Liliana had left and into the living room where she was trying to pick a book. ‘You know you’re only going for a week, right? That’s one hell of a suitcase for that short a trip.’ 

His words were light and teasing but Liliana went into panic mode. ‘If it’s too big for the car I can get a smaller one. It’s just got all of the Christmas presents I need to take and I don’t have any spare clothes at mum’s or anything.’ 

‘I was joking,’ he said quickly, putting his hands on her shoulders. ‘It’s fine. There’s plenty of space. Hello, by the way.’ 

‘Hi,’ she smiled, allowing him to pull her in for a hug. He smelled good. Fresh and clean and warm. Her arms tightened around his middle a little before she pulled away. ‘I just need to decide on a book to bring with me, or two because I get through books like I do cups of tea, and make sure everything is switched off and things are tidy and then I’m ready. Sorry I wasn’t ready to go when you got here.’ 

‘Don’t be sorry. I’m early. I was shocked at the lack of traffic, especially considering it’s the day before Christmas Eve.’ 

‘Merry Christmas,’ Liliana said, pulling two books from the shelf and putting them in her bag. ‘I can’t believe it’s already here.’ 

She walked through to the kitchen with Taron hot on her tail. The room was small and barely big enough for them both to stand in there at the same time. Their close proximity heightened their senses and Liliana had to clear her throat to break herself back into reality. 

Taron cleared his own throat and offered to help Liliana check the switches. He himself had spent a good fifteen minutes checking each room of his flat to make sure that everything was in order. Liliana accepted his offer and asked if he could triple check the living room for her. He saluted playfully and headed back to the other room while Liliana took a deep, much needed breath. 

‘I may have gone overboard because I got us some snacks for the road and I didn’t know what you’d prefer so there’s a selection of goodies from chocolate to snack bars to fruit,’ she confessed as she left her bedroom and pulled the curtain closed. ‘Knowing me I will also buy more snacks if we make a stop anywhere on the way there.’ 

Taron chuckled. ‘That sounds amazing. I’ve packed a couple of bits too and I always stop. I thought we could maybe stop for lunch? Even if it’s a drive-thru meal somewhere. You ready to go?’ 

Liliana nodded, reaching forward to grab her suitcase but Taron stopped her, his hand already on the handle pushing it down so that he could carry it easier. ‘I’ve got it, don’t worry. You just make sure that everything is locked up properly.’ 

‘You are a menace,’ she laughed as she followed him out of the flat. ‘But thank you. Make sure you watch me lock up. I will ask multiple times if I actually did lock up. I have already asked Marjorie across the way if she’ll keep an eye on things for me.’ 

Taron watched intently as Liliana locked the door and tried it to make sure that it was actually locked. ‘It’s locked. Come on, let’s get going.’ 

***

‘See that, that is why I refuse to drive in London. I hate how impatient other drivers are. Did you see the way he gestured at you?’ Taron had switched lanes on Wandsworth bridge over the Thames when a car sped in front of him and caused him to slam the brakes on. Taron had simply brushed the incident off but Liliana was baffled. ‘We’ve been on the road for five minutes and I already don’t know how you can drive so casually here. It’s awful.’ 

Taron chuckled softly from next to her, turning his attention to her when they hit a red light and he had to stop. ‘When was the last time you drove?’ 

Liliana thought for a moment. She had driven once in London, right when she first moved, and hated it so much that she hadn’t driven since. But even before that she rarely drove. 

‘Oh god at least eight years,’ she laughed. ‘I never really enjoyed driving anyway. I much prefer being the one in control of the music. Which, by the way, I am excellent at, thank you very much.’ 

As they got in the car, Taron passed the auxiliary cable over, telling Liliana that she may be in charge of the music, just as long as her music taste was better than it was when she was a teenager. She’d laughed him off but quietly deleted three songs from the playlist she’d made the night before just in case.

‘You are going to have to give me some songs to add otherwise it’s going to be a Harry Styles road trip which personally, I wouldn’t be against. But that’s me who’s a fan of his.’ 

‘You know I met him once,’ Taron said casually, keeping his eyes on the road. Though he didn’t fail to notice her face turn towards him suddenly, no doubt with wide eyes. He’d just about seen her drop the phone into her lap. 

‘You met him?’ She asked, blinking rapidly. ‘Harry Styles? What? When? Huh? How do I not know about this already? My two favourite men.’ 

She’d let the last sentence slip on accident but couldn’t take it back. Taron had heard it, and the twitch of his lips made it clear that he definitely had heard it. He laughed lightly and indicated into the junction so he could get on the motorway for the big portion of the drive. 

‘It was a couple of years ago now in LA. It was this big meeting thing with Joni Mitchell. There were a few other people there too. Ellen Degeneres and Portia.’ 

‘Yeah, yeah cool. But you met Harry Styles?’ 

‘I did. We didn’t speak much but we had a good chat. Then there was this group photo that circulated the internet for a few days. He looked so much more put together than I did. I think he had this black cardigan on with a pattern on the front or something. I was there in a white t-shirt and a baseball cap.’ 

Liliana’s eyes widened. ‘I think I know the photo. Was it around this time of year? Joni had Christmas lights around her neck. I’ve seen a cropped photo of Harry and her. But you were there? Holy shit, Taron.’ 

She sits with the information for a little while, unable to process the fact that her best friend knows the man whose music got her through some of the hardest days of her writing process. Just as she thought about it, Sign of the Times started playing. 

‘Do you think you could introduce us?’ She asked, letting her inner fangirl out. ‘That would make my entire life, honestly. Getting to meet Harry? Oh boy.’ 

Taron turned to look at her briefly, his eyes soft and full of adoration. ‘Absolutely not,’ he said, shaking his head before turning back to the road in front. ‘You’ll fall for him and I’ll lose you again.’ 

‘You won't lose me again,’ Liliana laughs solemnly. 

Taron’s words sat heavy on her chest. I’ll lose you again. He’d lost her once before. She’d left him. What was once her strongest friendship with her favourite person on the entire planet had been thrown away so that she could run away to another country for a life where she didn’t have to be around her mum. The giddiness she experienced knowing that Taron knew Harry vanished and she was overcome with a solemn, uneasy feeling. 

‘I’m really, really sorry,’ she whispered. She’d moved back to face forward and had let her hands drop to her lap. ‘For leaving. I’m sorry for leaving.’ 

‘Please don’t,’ he whispered back, sniffling once to rid himself of the tears pooling in his eyes. ‘It’s in the past. The only thing that matters now is that you’re here. I’m here. We’re here.’ 

Wordlessly, he reached over to grab her hand, resting them both together on the centre console. They weren’t holding hands but they were touching, and it was enough for them both to know that they were safe and with one another. 

Taron didn’t need Liliana to apologise for leaving. He didn’t want her to. It may have taken him over a decade but he knew why she had to leave. He read her book. It told him things even he didn’t know growing up. It told him more than he could have ever imagined and his heart shattered into millions of tiny pieces as he read the intricate details of her childhood. The details she hadn’t shared with him before. 

As much as he wanted to bring up what had been revealed to him in the pages, he didn’t want to make Liliana talk about it if she didn’t want to. He couldn’t begin to imagine how difficult it must have been for her to put everything down into words, to come to terms with what happened in her life. It can’t have been easy to publish that and have so many people read it and know about it. 

He was in awe of the strength it must have taken her to bare her soul in such a way to the entire world. Reading the book that she’d so delicately written made Taron see Liliana for the strong, independent, powerful, yet softly adorable woman she was. 

He didn’t bring it up for a little while. He let himself enjoy the comfortable silence, no matter how overrated he thought it was, and let Liliana have a few moments to herself. His hand remained touching hers the entire time and he wanted so badly to run his pinky finger over her to reassure her but he didn’t want to scare her or make her feel uncomfortable. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about her since their dinner and he was over the moon to see her again and spend a few uninterrupted hours with her. 

‘Lil,’ he said after a little while, unable to keep it in any longer. She turned to him with red rimmed eyes and when he turned to her momentarily, his heart cracked just a little. ‘It’s none of my business, and we absolutely don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to but it’s been on my mind ever since I read your book.’ 

Liliana’s heart stopped. She knew that he would more than likely have read some of the book since she’d seen him last. But she hadn’t expected him to read the entire thing cover to cover with his busy schedule. She’d expressed feelings in the book that she hadn’t ever expressed with him and now he knew. He knew everything she’d been too afraid to tell him. 

Taron was back to facing the road and he took a long, shaky breath. It was just as hard for him to bring up as it would be for Liliana to talk about. ‘I never realised the full extent of how bad you had it when we were younger. You always just threw your hair up and smiled like everything was fine when it really wasn’t. I wish I could have recognised it more at the time.’ 

‘Taron, it’s fine.’ 

‘It’s not fine, Lil,’ he sniffled. ‘It’s not fine. It was never fine.’ 

‘But it’s not your fault. We were kids. You were a kid. It wasn’t your responsibility to help me or see what things were like at home. I didn’t even realise the full extent of it until I was in Edinburgh and away from the situation. It took a lot of reflection, and a lot of crying in a therapist’s office, to realise what things were like. When we were kids, I didn’t know any different. It was just the way that I lived.’ 

A tear fell down Taron’s cheek and Liliana wiped it with the pad of her thumb, a sad smile on her face as she started to cry herself. 

‘Look at us. I’m crying and none of it even happened to me.’ He took a long, deep, shaky breath and wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his t-shirt. ‘I regret that we lost touch.’ 

Liliana squeezed his hand once to tell him that she agreed and he smiled a very small smile at her. 

‘We just completely lost touch and didn’t speak for fourteen years. I hate that we didn’t talk.’ His words were quiet, barely above a whisper, almost as if he were talking to himself rather than Liliana. ‘Now that we’ve finally reconnected, I would love nothing more than to stay in touch. I want us to keep our promises this time. I think that’s why I offered to drive you back to Aber. It gives us some uninterrupted time to just be together and talk about anything. Or nothing. I just want to be around you, Lil. I want us to be friends again. Real friends like we were before.’

‘I would love nothing more than to be friends again,’ Liliana smiled. 

‘Things will be different this time around,’ Taron said strongly. ‘I won’t let anything like that happen to you again.’

They fell into another silence and Liliana focused on the road ahead. She thought back to being a child and how different her life really had been from the other kids in her class. Taron’s hand on hers kept her grounded as she remembered. 

While all of her friends were out playing on the street on their bikes or playing with a ball in the local field, Liliana was cleaning or cooking dinner for the family. Even when she was as young as nine. She would go to the shop daily when they had run out of bread or milk or sugar and they needed more. When her friends were being called inside to get in the bath, she was making her mum a cup of tea so that she wouldn’t get into trouble. 

Liliana would do everything in her power to make her mum happy, just so she could feel safe in her own house. If Eliza wasn’t happy, she would brush Liliana off completely. It had started before her dad left but it only got worse when he did. Eliza resented Liliana and took her anger and frustration out on her. Liliana being the kid that she was, would always plaster a smile on her face and act as though nothing was wrong, using the free time she had to go outside with Taron or visit his family when she needed somewhere safe to be. 

She wiped a tear away without Taron seeing and blinked hard to stop herself from falling apart right there in his car. Taron had remained quiet but he knew she was going into a place that would make her sad and he wanted to cheer her up so he racked his brain for things he could distract her with. 

‘Tell me more about Matilda,’ he said, remembering how Liliana had lit up the first time she told him about her. 

‘She’s a little firecracker,’ she laughed, pulling up a photo of her on her phone to show Taron quickly while there was no traffic around. ‘She turned ten in August but if you knew her, you wouldn’t believe she was any younger than 21. She’s so smart. Smarter than I ever was at her age, and she’s got these beautiful brown eyes that just scream innocence. It’s one of the only differences between us; our eye colour. And our height. She’ll be taller than me soon. Her dad is a giant though so it doesn’t surprise me. She’s everything I ever wanted. Tell me more about Rosie and Marie. We were cut off the other week.’ 

‘If Matilda is a firecracker then they are little rascals,’ he chuckled, his head shaking. ‘They are to me what Matilda is to you. They’re my half siblings but I would never call them anything but my sisters. I hate the whole half sibling thing. They are my sisters and it’s as simple as that.’ 

Liliana nodded furiously. ‘Yes! Matilda is my sister. I’d be so mean to be like ‘no she’s just my half sister’. She isn’t half a sibling. She’s a full sibling.’ 

‘Exactly. They are honestly so amazing and I can’t wait to see them. They’re similar ages to Matilda. Maybe one day we could take them all out somewhere and they could get to know another. Continue the legacy of friendship.’ 

‘That’d be cool. Matilda loves meeting and talking to new people. Another difference between the two of us. Thank you for cheering me up. I don’t know how you always manage to do it. Even when you don’t know I need cheering up.’ 

Taron grabbed her hand affectionately. ‘It’s because I know you, Lil.’ 

***

‘Do you want me to come inside with you for a little bit?’ 

‘I’m okay, thank you though,’ Liliana responded with a smile.

She turned to her left and looked at the house she grew up in. It still looked like the same house. The bricks were still red and the path from the steps was worn and full of weeds. Yet somehow it felt different than it had the previous year and she couldn’t quite figure out why. It was the only house on the street without Christmas lights outside but she didn’t think that was it. 

‘If you need anything, just let me know,’ Taron replied with a smile. Liliana returned it and took a deep breath. ‘I’m here for you, Lil.’ 

‘I know you are, thank you, Taron. I’ll text you later?’ 

Taron nodded and watched as Liliana stepped through the gate and up towards the house. He didn’t know what was waiting for her at the other side of the door but he could only hope that it was something good. 

Rather than use her key to get in the house, Liliana knocked on the door and waited for someone to answer it. Much to her surprise, Hudson, her mum’s husband, opened it with a smile, pulling her into an awkward side hug. 

‘It’s nice to see you. Your mum’s just nipped to do some last minute Christmas shopping. I don’t envy her.’ 

‘Neither do I,’ Liliana said through a forced smile. ‘Merry Christmas.’ 

‘Merry Christmas. I’m sure your sister will be down any minute. She’s making some Christmas biscuits and is waiting for them to cool so she can decorate them. Every time someone’s knocked at the door today she’s come to see if it’s you. I think she’s more excited for you to be here than she is Santa. Not that she’ll believe in him for much longer. Especially with her starting high school next year.’ 

‘High schoolers suck,’ Liliana sighed. ‘You go get yourself in the house. It’s absolutely freezing out there and I don’t want to let it all in.’ 

Hudson walked through to the living room just as Liliana heard a door shut upstairs. She watched as her little sister, who wasn’t so little anymore, peered over the bannister and beamed as soon as she saw her. 

‘LILI!’ she squealed as she ran down the stairs, launching herself into Liliana’s arms and knocking her to the floor in a heap of hugs. ‘I’ve missed you.’ 

‘I’ve missed you too, little bug.’ Liliana’s voice broke and she tried her best not to cry. She held Matilda close, swaying her lightly. ‘Come on, your dad was telling me that you’ve been making biscuits and you know I love a good old Matilda biscuit.’ 

Matilda stood up and waited impatiently for Liliana to join her before she dragged her through to the kitchen. The dining table was covered in biscuits and bowls of icing of different colours. Bowls that were used to make the dough were scattered across the work tops and the sink was full of trays and cookie cutters. 

The amount of flour that was on every surface made it look like it had been snowing inside and Liliana was sure there was biscuit dough on the walls in places. 

‘Oh my this is a mess,’ she commented with a beaming grin. ‘How about I help you clean it all up before mum gets back?’ 

Matilda nodded begrudgingly. ‘The biscuits aren’t cooled enough anyway so I guess I can help clean up. Do you think you could help me decorate them? Please? It’s been ages since we last baked together.’ 

Liliana nodded, turning the small kitchen radio up a little so that they could listen to the Christmas songs while they cleaned. All I Want for Christmas is You played into the room and the two girls smiled widely at one another, instantly breaking out into their best dance moves and singing along. 

Matilda started to stack the pots she’d used next to the sink so that they could be cleaned while Liliana carefully wiped the walls that were definitely splattered with biscuit dough and scraped the sides of flour so that she could clean them properly. 

Once the room was clean and tidy, and the biscuits were finally cool enough to decorate, Matilda grabbed two aprons from behind the door and threw one to her big sister. 

‘If you wear this then we won’t get icing all over your nice jumper,’ she said, tying her own apron behind her waist. 

‘When did you get so grown up?’ Liliana mused, holding the sides of Matilda’s head so she could bring it to her lips to plant a sloppy kiss. ‘How do you want to decorate these?’

‘With as much icing as we can!’ Matilda dipped her finger into the green icing and licked it clean, smiling so brightly as she did that she lit some of the darkness in Liliana’s heart. 

‘I should have known. I forget that you’re little miss obsessed with icing. They’re your biscuits so it’s up to you what we do with them.’ 

Matilda thought for a moment, tapping her foot against the chair the same way that Liliana did when she was her age. Liliana smiled at her little sister, so in awe of the person she was becoming. When she was Matilda’s age, her life looked so different. She was glad that it was different for her sister. That she wouldn’t have to go through the things she did. 

‘I’m taking some to Granny and Grandad’s house tomorrow so they need to look super good. Can we do melting snowmen on the circle ones?’ 

Liliana nodded enthusiastically. ‘Of course we can! I might have some spare chocolates in my bag if you want to go get them? We could use it for buttons? Or eyes maybe.’ 

‘Oh yes please!’ 

Matilda jumped down and ran through to the hallway to retrieve Liliana’s handbag, walking back with it on her shoulder and strutting as if she were the grown adult. Liliana laughed at her and took the bag to see what she had left from the car journey. 

She pulled out a bag of M&Ms and some Jelly Tots, the perfect things for snowmen buttons. ‘These are perfect.’ 

‘Jelly Tots, my favourite!’ Liliana poured some of the jelly sweets into Matilda’s hand and watched as she ate them happily. ‘Thank you. Other than the snowmen I want to take to Granny’s tomorrow, I don’t know what to do with the others so let’s just do whatever.’ 

‘Aye aye, captain,’ Liliana saluted. ‘Are you excited to see your Granny and Grandad tomorrow?’ 

Matilda nodded. ‘Yeah. Are you coming with us?’

‘I’m not, sorry sweetheart. I’m going to stay here and either go for a walk or go and see my friend if he isn’t busy.’ 

‘Are you going to be here for dinner tomorrow though?’ 

Liliana shrugged gently. ‘That depends on if mum wants me here, sweet girl. Hopefully I’ll be here.’ 

Her mum walked into the kitchen and scoffed at Liliana. ‘What’s it matter to me if you come for dinner or not? You come and go as you please anyway.’ 

‘Mum, please let’s not do this right now,’ Liliana begged, already feeling tears forming. ‘It’s Christmas.’ 

‘When was the last time you asked if you could come, huh? You just turn up. Like you did today. You turn up and then you leave at the drop of a hat and we don’t see you for months at a time. You aren’t around enough so why should I care if you’re here or not for dinner?’ 

Matilda cowered into her seat and reached over to put her hand on Liliana’s, looking up at her through thick eyelashes. Liliana gave her a small smile and motioned for her to leave the kitchen, for her own benefit. She didn’t need to hear the horrible things her mum was no doubt about to say. 

Liliana watched as her mum flipped the kettle on and grabbed a mug from the cupboard. It was a mug Liliana had made her in school and painted meticulously. She wondered if her mum remembered how happy she had been to receive it. Probably not with how she slammed it onto the work top. 

‘I always come at Christmas. You know that. I would love to come more often but I have to put myself and my happiness first.’ 

Eliza rolled her eyes at her oldest daughter and put her hand on her hip. ‘Do you know how selfish that is, Liliana? You don’t care about Matilda, or me, or put us first. It’s always about you and how you come first. You should have stayed closer to home and not run away to Edinburgh and London. Look at what you moving away has caused. You’re selfish.’ 

‘That’s not true and you know it isn’t,’ Liliana just about managed to get out. Tears had pooled in her eyes and she knew if she stayed then things would only get worse and she didn’t want that. 

She wasn’t going to be the reason that Christmas was ruined for Matilda so she grabbed her bag, walked outside, closed the door behind her and started to walk. 

The last thing she wanted to do was leave Matilda again. She wanted to go back and get her but she knew that it was too soon to be around Eliza again. It wasn’t the first time that she’d left Matilda after a row with her mum, and it wasn’t the first time her mum had called her selfish either. 

September 15th, 2011

‘North Road, please.’ 

Liliana sat back in the taxi and exhaled a long breath. The greying clouds above the car reflected her mood. Dull and ready to burst at any given second. She rested her head against the window as the taxi drove through the streets of Aberystwyth and to the house she’d grown up in. Her small suitcase filled with only the essentials was on the seat next to her and she put her hand on it for no reason. 

Despite the deep rooted feeling of anxiety she had whenever she was home, she was excited to head back and start her new job in London. She started working at a publishing company, Between the Lines, at the end of the week with Evelyn, who she had met at university. The flat she was moving into was small and a good half an hour commute to work but it was her own and she could do with it what she pleased. Moving to London was all she had wanted. 

The taxi pulled up outside the house with the red front door and Liliana thanked him and handed over a five pound note, telling him to keep the forty-pence change. He nodded his gratitude before driving off when the back door was closed, leaving Liliana standing outside the house on her own for the first time since she was a teenager. 

She couldn’t tell if the house was bigger or smaller than it was when she was younger. It seemed taller, as if booming over her and showing her just how vulnerable she was in its presence. But at the same time, it seemed narrower, less scary than it once looked.

As she walked up the short, tiled path to the front door she breathed deeply. A whole other life was at the other side of the door. A whole other family. A family she wasn’t a part of. Not really. Her mum and stepdad were happily married with a new baby and it was the first time that she was seeing her new sister since she’d been born a little over a month earlier. 

Something that she couldn’t quite decipher washed over her as she pushed the door open on its hinges. Her feet were heavy, stuck to the wooden floor and unable to move, but she felt like she was floating. As though she wasn’t really there. Like she was dreaming and nothing was really happening. 

Everything looked the same as she slipped her shoes off and stacked them on one of the steps above her mum’s. There were old family photos on the wall, some of her grandparents and some of Eliza with her siblings. Out of all the photos, there was only one of Liliana. It was a photo from when she was a baby dressed in white with the most unfortunate looking bonnet on her head. She was both happy and devastated that it was covered by coats. 

‘Liliana, is that you?’ Her mum called from the living room. Liliana psyched herself up and forced a smile on her lips. 

‘Yeah, mum. I’m just putting my shoes away and then I’ll come in.’ 

The living room door was slightly ajar and as Liliana pushed it open, she could see her baby sister asleep in the moses basket next to the sofa. Even just the sight of the tiny baby curled up all small and tiny had Liliana fighting back tears. Guilt had built up since the day she was born that she hadn’t seen her and even though she was still so small, Liliana hated that she wasn’t there when she was even tinier. 

��Can I hold her?’ She asked her mum quietly, scared to wake the tiny baby.

‘Yeah. I’m going to go get in the shower while you’re here. I’ll not be long.’ 

Liliana nodded through a teary smile and dropped her handbag on the sofa so that she could take a proper look at her sister. Her hands were curled into tiny fists next to her head and her lips were pouted slightly, something that Liliana did when she slept. With one hand underneath her neck to support her head and one under her bum, Liliana lifted the baby from the basket and held her close, staring at her. 

At almost twenty-two, she didn’t expect to have a new sibling but as soon as her sister was in her arms, she could feel the emotions manifesting wholly. Tears dropped down her cheeks as she sat on the sofa and just stared at the baby. She enjoyed the dumpy weight of her sister in her arms. 

Liliana held out one of her fingers to stroke the little one’s fingers and they gripped around it tightly, not letting her go.

‘I’m not quite sure how it’s possible but I love you more than I’ve loved anything before,’ she whispered quietly, pressing a dainty kiss to her sister’s forehead. ‘I won’t let anybody hurt you, Matilda, I promise. I’ll always be your protector.’ 

Matilda stirred slightly but Liliana rocked her back to sleep, so in awe of the tiny human in her arms. 

‘Look at you,’ Eliza spoke up from the doorway when she’d had her shower. ‘It’s about time you came to meet her.’ 

‘Mum, you know I’ve been finishing university and trying to get my life together. I haven’t been able to be here all of the time like I wanted to be and I am sorry.’ 

When Eliza told her that the baby had been born, Liliana went to book a train ticket straight away to meet her, even if it was just for the day. She wanted to help her mum and meet her sister and be there for her family the way she had always wanted to, but Eliza had continuously put the visit off for one reason or another. 

Liliana could understand some of the time, like when she was too tired for visitors. But then the excuses that she needed to get used to looking after a baby after not having one for over twenty years, and needing to take time for herself, became more common and Liliana stopped fighting. She stopped trying to tell her mum that she could nap while Liliana looked after Matilda or she could have a bath or shower. Liliana would be there for whatever she needed. Eliza never let her though. 

Eliza scoffed loudly. ‘You’re just selfish, that’s what it is. Spending more time away from us, your home, and swanning about Scotland as if nobody else matters. The world doesn’t revolve around you, Liliana’ 

Liliana tried her best not to bite. Instead she casts her gaze to Matilda who was so sweet and innocent and who she would do anything in her power to change the way she was treated. When she looked back up to her mum she saw just how tired she looked. For a second she felt great sympathy for her. She wasn’t used to not sleeping at night and waking up at all hours to look after a baby. And that’s what it took for her mind to race with thoughts of her mum being unable to look after Matilda. 

She didn’t want the same things she went through to happen to Matilda. She wanted her sister to have the best childhood with loving parents in a loving home that always felt like a safe space and somewhere she could run to when she was feeling down. Liliana didn’t want Matilda to feel like she had to run away to a different country for university just to get away from their mum. 

Eliza’s new husband, Hudson, worked long hours and was only there on an evening and night time when Matilda was a little more settled. He wasn’t there during the day when Matilda would scream for hours at a time with no let up. He wasn’t there when Eliza was rocking her trying to get her to sleep and growing more and more agitated with her and wanting to leave her on her own to cry. 

‘Mum, I know that university has taken me away and I hate that I haven’t been here for the start of Matilda’s life but I’m here now. I’m here to support you however you need it. Even if it’s just to go shower in peace and make yourself feel like you again.’ 

She knew there was a chance that Eliza would blow up but she didn’t think it would happen while she had Matilda in her arms. 

‘Why, are you planning on moving back home? Are you finally going to do what you were destined to do and get a job on the seafront and get one of the crappy flats in town? Which is it? How are you going to be here, Liliana?’

‘I moved to London last week,’ Liliana said calmly, rocking Matilda again. ‘I have a job with the same publishing company that I worked with for placement a couple of years ago. It’s a huge opportunity for me and I’m going to be a shorter train ride away than I was in Edinburgh. So I can be here whenever you need me. I want to be here, for Matilda.’ 

Eliza shook her head. ‘You need to stop butting into our lives here. Leave.’

‘What?’ 

‘You haven’t been here for the past four years so what makes you think you’re going to be here now? You’re never here and I don’t think you ever will be. You just want to say that you’re here. But you won’t be. I want you to leave my house.’ 

‘But mu-’

‘Out, Liliana. I mean it.’ 

Liliana was transported back to being eleven and hearing her mum scream at her dad to get out of the house. Her heart sank and anxiety built from the bottom of her tummy to the top of her head. She stood up carefully and kissed Matilda’s head again before placing her gently in the moses basket. 

‘I love you, little bug. I love you so much.’ 

She cried as she pulled her shoes on and got her suitcase from the small cupboard, and she cried as she left the house and locked the door again. 

***

Despite Autumn’s fast approach, the air was warm and Liliana knew exactly where she needed to go to clear her head. On top of Constitution Hill the sun was warm and she’d taken her jacket off to enjoy the rays against her arms. 

The tree behind her was beginning to transform, its leaves changing from a vibrant green to a reddish brown. Another sign of the changing season. The bark of the trunk was harsh against her back but nowhere near as harsh as her mother’s words had been to her less than an hour before. 

A sob escaped her and tears spilled down her cheeks and pooled on her chest. Her breaths were sharp and uneven, as though hands wrapped around her throat and squeezed her of every ounce of breath, trapping her in a world of darkness. 

Fear was second nature to Liliana. It had been since she was a little girl. But there was something about the fear she felt on top of the hill that was unlike anything she’d experienced before. She sobbed to herself for what felt like hours but as she finally began to calm down and her breathing regulated again, she pulled her phone from her bag and unlocked it. 

Her thumb hovered over his contact. The one person she needed to speak to. The person who would understand what she was going through and who would be able to talk her down from doing anything crazy. 

She put her phone away, unsure as to whether he would have the same number as he did four years ago, or if he would even answer if she tried to call him. So she stared at the sea instead, trying to figure out what she was going to do. 

She booked a train ticket home for that afternoon. It wiped her out of money until she got paid two weeks later but she couldn’t stand being in town any longer. She needed to leave. 

To go home.

[quick-catton]

Hi quick-catton!! First of all I love your page and I love your personality💕💕💕 I also LOVE Saturn and Felix and Oliver just-😫😫😫 I love it every time you post, it makes my day!! Right now I just really need your help. Today I had to go on another account just to send something to my ask box because since I started my account last year, I’ve gotten nothing and it really hurts.

I love how open and freaky you are in your posts and I’m honestly the same way with Saltburn and an anime fandom that I’ve shaped my blog around. I used to be a little calm and collected but you’re inspiring to just let go and let my freak flag fly but the problem is, with my fandom, I don’t think people are going to be very inviting. Like literally the only thing I wanna do right now is babygirl code my favorite anime character sooo badly but I’m afraid I’ll lose all my followers and when I try to I get no engagement.

Like I wrote three freaking paragraphs about how good he’d look with a navel piercing! That was this morning and I got nothing all day but four likes. No reblogs, no comments, I literally had to make another account and send myself some praise for that post just so I could post it to show people that at least someone else agrees with me.

And I know I should give it time but that’s the problem. Some of my other posts like that don’t grow. They just get five likes and that’s it and it sucks because all I wanna do is engage with people that want to see this boy in lingerie or a skirt or goddamn pregnant (told you I was a freak)

I just don’t know what to do. How do you deal that? I’m honestly this close to deleting my account coz it seems like I’m posting to a blank wall and it’s so embarrassing coz everyone can see it. Sorry this is so long! Thank you for quickcatton 💕💕

WAH ANON ur so sweet omg, thank you?? <33 honestly i feel like i don't have good advice because i only made a tumblr for the first time EVER at the beginning of january!!! i am 23 and had never set foot on this app, but i saw that most of the saltburn fandom was here, so i gave it a shot and i've just been learning as i go.

i think that's half of my 'luck' with having a good experience on this app, is that because this fandom is so fresh, it's super active, but it's also a very small fandom (relative to some others) so we're all kinda like a hivemind here LOL, and because of the source material of the movie itself being weird/freaky/psychosexual, we all know that anything goes and the more freaky the brainrot, the better! i'm in other fandoms where if i said half of the shit i say here, i'd be ostracized, so it's really a case by case basis unfortunately </3

ik i yap a lot here but i also hold back sooo much because even tho ik we're all weirdos here, i still get nervous about putting out my writing or not having people vibe with an idea– you're not alone in that, i promise. it helps forming friendships in your fandoms so you know that there'll always be people who you can get hype over ideas with, but i know that's easier said than done sometimes <3

i don't have advice on engagement because i honestly don't look at that stuff (which i know is so annoying to say lol but it's true); i made this account purely to have a place to dump brainrot/art etc and view other people's saltburn content and i didn't care about engagement, i just got lucky to meet some cool people and make close friends through it.

i think if people can tell you're having fun through your posts, they'll vibe with you! it does take time with the good ol' algorithm, i'm sure, but as long as your page brings YOU joy, that's what matters most. people don't have to agree with your takes, life is too short to be vanilla and water urself down for others :^) making fandom friends and gaining interactions will come along with being yourself, but if posting here and running the account feels more stressful to you than it is fun, it's okay to step away too!

if you're on ao3 and sites like that, leaving comments on your fave works can be a great way to get conversations going as well. i met my closest friend on here bc she stumbled across my fic on ao3 and then sent me a message; it was purely up to chance, but branching out and being brave starting conversations with your fave accounts can be a great way to feel more included in the fandoms you're in and maybe you'll meet cool people along the way!! <33

[rockyroadkylers]

20 Questions Game for Fic Writers!

I was tagged by @ssmtskw! thank you bud <3

1. How many works do you have on Ao3?

23!

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?

204,389

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Technically, Marvel (specifically Iron Dad) and Red, White and Royal Blue, though I've taken a huge step back from Marvel.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Baby's Firsts

Domestic Life Was Never Quite My Style

Starlight, Star Bright

Two Worlds, One Family

Tony Stark vs. Babies "R" Us

(um... ok, they're not bad fics, but they're all super old. the fact that they're my top five is due to age more than anything else. I was a semi-popular writer in the height of the Iron Dad fandom's activity. My writing has significantly improved since these were written, so if you've read my most recent work and decide to go back and give these a try, just keep that in mind 😂 most of them are five years old.)

5. Do you respond to comments?

Almost always! There are a couple of unfinished fics that I ended up turning off the comments for, though, because I don't plan to finish them, and I kept getting comments on them that are written with the best intentions but come off as discouraging and kind of obnoxious instead - "update when?" "i know this is a longshot but please update" "it's been two years, will you ever update?" Aside from those, I do try to answer every single comment that comes to my inbox.

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Um... I don't really write angsty endings 😂 "I Will Soften Every Edge (I'll Do Better)" is probably as close as it gets? It's not pure angst, but it's not pure fluff, either. "Oh, Little One, You Just Need to be Brave" is another kind of vaguely hurt/comfort angst-adjacent ending, I guess, but please don't read that one 😂 the only reason I haven't deleted it is because I know how frustrating it is when authors delete stuff.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Maybe "Baby's Firsts" or "Before, After, and Beyond"? Like I said, angsty endings are hard to come by in my fics, but if you want pure fluff...

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Nah. I've gotten a couple of comments that were confused by something and asked for clarification, but they were very polite about it.

9. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

LOL, no 😂 I'm comfortable talking about it, but I don't think I'd ever write it myself.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve ever written?

I used to write wild crossovers all the time when I was a little kid just learning how writing works for the first time 😂 I don't write them so much, anymore, it's not really my thing, but I think one time when I was a kid I wrote a Harry Potter/American Girl crossover? 😂

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yeah, actually! Or, at least part of one. Someone translated two chapters of "Before, After, and Beyond" into Russian. I think they forgot to translate the third? It was still pretty cool, either way.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yeah, a couple times. I've taken my name off the published ones, but I'm working on another project with a bunch of people from the Brownstone server, at the moment, and I'm super excited about it!

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

At the moment? FirstPrince. It changes depending on my current hyperfixation, but Alex and Henry are my #1 right now.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Ugh. Probably the birthday fic in my "Tony Stark adopts Harley Keener and Peter Parker" AU. I've just completely run out of steam on anything Marvel-related, and I feel bad about it, but there's not a lot I can do. My mood completely plummets whenever I try to sit down and make myself work on any of my old Marvel WIPs, so I've just been giving myself some grace and telling myself that if I never finish them, it's okay.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Ooh, I don't really think about this very much. I feel like I'd need an outside opinion 😂 I've been told by several different people that I'm good at nailing characterizations, which always makes me pretty proud of myself, haha. Every time I get a "this is so in character!" comment I puff up like a peacock 😂

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Descriptions, maybe? I can do them, but I feel like they've never quite as interesting as they could be.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I love multilinguism in fics! It's a little intimidating for me personally, because I never quite managed to grasp a second language myself, so I have to rely heavily on translators and asking people who speak the language "hey, does this make any sense?" but especially when I'm writing Alex and his family in RWRB fics, their bilinguism is so important and I don't want to skip it just because I'm scared, so I'm willing to put in a little extra work to make it more authentic.

19. First fandom you ever wrote for?

Well, technically, if we're talking about writing that never even got published, the very first fanfic I ever wrote back when I was probably around six years old was a Harry Potter self-insert 😂 But my first published fic was for the MCU.

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

"It's Nice to Have a Friend" 😊

---

tagging @inexplicablymine, @hgejfmw-hgejhsf, @happiness-of-the-pursuit, @littlemisskittentoes, @movetoheavens, @affectionatelyrs, @read-and-write- and anyone else who wants to! (sorry if you've already done it lol)

[lolliputian]

Thanks for the tag, @theycallmeratt!

I'm not sure I can add anything that's not already been said, so I'll just add a few things that have been noodling in my brain lately anyway:

My major motivation in writing for BG3 fandom is to create quality content for characters and pairings that don't get represented. Want to read Lia/Rikka, Cerys/Rolan, or Damays/Nymessa? I'm the sole pilot for each of those on AO3. Or, if Gondians are more your thing, Barcus/Featherweight Falson? (That will get more fics.) Cal/Geraldus has taken off (comparatively, nothing's touching the Tav/anyone pairings), and I'm SO thrilled it has! But, outside of pairings, I like writing for the underrepresented NPCs in general to breathe life into them. Ratt (writesoftheratt), @aviatorasharak (SharkCutlery), and I (same username as here) have all been writing a lot for the Tiefling refugees on Ao3! Check us out~

You will never, ever, ever be able to predict what is going to make people click on your fic. Sometimes, they have the strangest reasons to avoid reading your fic entirely. So, you may as well write for YOURSELF. Otherwise, you'll end up disappointed if the fic doesn't perform the way you think it will. Wouldn't you rather be happy with the product you put out regardless of clicks?

Like Ratt said: People can read your fic. People can LOVE your fic. People will do this and TELL you they love it and STILL not leave kudos or a comment. Also, views on a fic don't account for rereads. Please don't put too much stock in numbers. That way lies madness.

I think people get discouraged because fanart gets prioritized over fanfic in that it's much less of a time commitment to digest, and thus people are more likely to repost or drop a like on art. We all have passed over a fanfic because we don't like the tags, we don't like the pairing, we don't like OCs, etc. Fic writers, especially those who have gotten some fame for posting fanart, often get discouraged at the huge disparity in attention between the two. THIS IS NORMAL AND OKAY. With fics, it's entirely normal that people will discover your work months later, and it'll take off. But you do have to recognize that we're never going to be on the same level as artists are and be fundamentally okay with that.

On the note of passing over fanfic: Some of my favorite fanfic has been stuff I wouldn't have chosen to read on my own. The fic that I recommend more than any other is a Raphael/Zevlor work by @omgkalyppso. (You NEED TO READ IT if you haven't, it is absolutely fantastic.) I'm not a fan of reader fics or generic Tavs, but, if I were stubborn about that, I would have never read Sensoo or GraySparrow's most popular works. To toot my own horn, I've had people tell me they don't like OCs but they absolutely love Time and Again. You will find absolute gold if you let yourself be open to it.

...that ended up more rambly than I thought. Oh well. WRITING!

Some thought on fics and stats

I spotted a funny ask at @gufu-vire which made me think why the "good stuff" (as per me) is constantly hidden in between the pages under 100 kudos.

Popularity of a fic is affected mainly by two main factors IMHO:

Timing. You just can't beat having regularly published for BG3 fandom in end of August 2023 / September 2023. That's the high all that came after would never achieve.

Satisfying the broader audience. People come searching for certain things when they open and search AO3, and, I am very sorry to say that, it's usually not amazing style, sharp prose, exciting plot, at least not in the first line. The audience wants a very simple thing: their affection for a certain character(c) satisfied in a certain away. And I really don't mean it in "masses are stupid" way, very far from it. Just that a certain audience (AO3) has certain needs. And there you have the laws of big numbers. And every time you go for an unorthodox characterisation, or obscure / extreme kink, or a non-standard dynamic, you lose these big numbers.

Some things that needs to be said, though.

If something is popular does not mean that this is good or bad; it just means that this is popular, no more than that. You really cannot tell based on popularity. The reverse works just the same.

There are some unorthodox / not mass audience-tailored things that became extremely popular. The first seasons of Game of Thrones are a prime example. Nobody would ever advise you to kill the main character in first season in such a way if you asked "how to get popular?", yet still it worked. So no, if you write niche things, does not mean that broader popularity is excluded for you, but it does make it much, much less likely.

[thesearchforbluejello]

Whiskey Cavalier Fic Masterlist

Well folks, I'll be awol for a week on vacation, so I figure now is as good a time as any to post an updated fic masterlist.

Mission fics:

Sharp Objects

Rating: T

Length: 9.5k, 13 chapters

Characters: Frankie Trowbridge, Will Chase, Susan Sampson, Jai Datta, Edgar Standish, Ray Prince

Tags: angst, humor

Summary: Ray said the mission would be simple. Of course it isn't.

A New York Minute

Rating: T

Length: 10k, 10 chapters

Characters: Will Chase, Frankie Trowbridge, Susan Sampson, Jai Datta, Edgar Standish

Tags: team!fic, hurt/comfort, mission!fic

Summary: A botched mission in New York leaves the team searching for Frankie as they try to dismantle a domestic terror cell based out of their own city.

The Normal Jobs series:

Smarties

Rating: M

Length: 2k

Characters: Will Chase, Frankie Trowbridge (George Knuth, Peggy Pasternak)

Pairing: Will Chase/Frankie Trowbridge

Tags: romance, fluff (based on 1x05: The English Job)

Summary: George Knuth finds himself working with a new partner when he transfers to the London office.

Try

Rating: T

Length: 3.5k

Characters: Frankie Trowbridge, Will Chase (Sophie, Rick)

Pairing: Will Chase/Frankie Trowbridge

Tags: romance, angst (based on 1x05: The English Job)

Summary: Sophie takes the job for a reason, but that doesn't stop things from getting complicated.

Wolf Whistle

Rating: M

Length: 8k, 6 chapters

Characters: Frankie Trowbridge, Will Chase, Susan Sampson, Jai Datta, Ray Prince (Amy Bremner, Keith Hewson, Carmen Veracruz, Vijay Parikh, and Jake)

Pairing: Will Chase/Frankie Trowbridge

Tags: romance, angst, humor

Summary: It turns out to be a very interesting semester.

The In-Between series:

Call Me by My Name

Rating: M

Length: 8k, 8 chapters

Characters: Will Chase, Frankie Trowbridge

Pairing: Will Chase/Frankie Trowbridge

Tags: angst, fluff, romance

Summary: Six months ago, Will's team was buried so deep he's had nothing but silence to keep him company as he goes through the motions of his new life. Silence, that is, until an unforseen turn of events brings it all crashing down again.

The In-Between

Rating: T

Length: 2.5k

Characters: Will Chase, Frankie Trowbridge

Pairing: Will Chase/Frankie Trowbridge

Tags: romance, fluff, angst

Summary: He's known it the whole time. It's like holding onto a firework.

Other:

Remember You

Rating: T

Length: 14k, incomplete but each chapter is a stand alone fic

Characters: Will Chase, Frankie Trowbridge, Susan Sampson, Jai Datta, Edgar Standish, Ray Prince

Tags: whump, angst, hurt/comfort, 5+1 fic, humor

Summary: Five times Will and Frankie forget each other and one time they don't.

Little White Lie

Rating: T

Length: 18.5k, 13 chapters

Characters: Frankie Trowbridge, Will Chase, Jai Datta, Susan Sampson, Ray Prince, Edgar Standish

Tags: whump, angst, team as family, canon typical violence

Summary: When Will's life is in danger, Frankie reacts. She tells him she's fine.

I've got the next two parts of Remember You started; plus a few more Normal Jobs AUs; 15k worth of the angstiest, saddest fic I've ever written, so thanks a billion to the discord group for encouraging that absolutely raw, painful disaster there; the ending of In-Between; and the beginning of my potentially thirteen part Projekt™️.

I'll be backpacking through the bottom of he Grand Canyon for most of this coming week, so don't expect any updates.

[hedgewyse]

𝐓𝐀𝐆 (𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐄) 𝐏𝐄𝐎𝐏𝐋𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐖𝐀𝐍𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐆𝐄𝐓 𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖 𝐁𝐄𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐑

TYSM for the tag @misspoetree 💕 you have excellent taste in music and television! 😎 and I loooove the way you've described that beautiful red😽 (prev version is here)

Favourite colour: Grey because it goes with everything. Grey because it makes you focus on my words and my expertise, not on what I look like. Grey because we fade into this life from it, and out again to it, and the universe is vast and uncaring. Grey because the colour of the overcast sky and rain dirty streets in the winter sings to my petrichor soul. Grey because it's the name of an old lover that I've never gotten over. Grey because it slips unseen into the background. Grey because it elevates every other colour around it and asks for nothing in return.

They asked me this question in my interview for my current job, and I don't think they were expecting an actual answer :D

Currently reading: I've never, ever read only one thing at once, so deep breath;

"No Comment" on Ao3, which is a Minho/Jisung StrayKids fic.

I'm re-reading "Vurt" by Jeff Noon, which is a very trippy old scifi book about drugs and VR (sort of) and street gangs and such. It drips language as worldbuilding and I love that.

"On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous" by Ocean Vuong, because I kept seeing so many heart wrenching quotes about the human mess between loving and living and coming to terms with otherness and trauma, and I eventually gave in and bought it, and now it's my cafe reading because it's the kind of book you have to inhale slowly and hold for a moment to savour.

And "Implementing Microsoft Azure Architect Technologies" because I'm still a nerd.

Last song: Pretty much looping a lot of Jackson Wang rn. Cruel has just come out, Blow is still a masterpiece. I am loving his new direction so much, it's deliciously broken. The actual last song on my spotify is Cult Leader by King Mala.

Last series: The last one I binged was Sandman (Netflix) because it came out last Friday and some people came over, but like with the books I never just watch one thing. Main things currently; in the middle of "3 will be free" (Thai, Youtube, more poly rep please!), Bulgasal (Korean, Netflix, almost done), Taxi Driver (Korean, Netflix, only started), and the usual continuous rewatch of The Untamed which gets me through the year.

Last movie: Yaksha Ruthless Operations (because Jinyoung, obvs), though last cinema movie was Everything Everywhere All at Once, which had a very enjoyable amount of Chinese language as well as being generally excellent :)

Currently working on: I have a full time job, but apart from that I'm working on two fics (a Devil Judge one because I will never never never be over it, and a Jinyoung/Wang Yibo one because... yeah, y'know I don't really understand the reason for that one either). I'm trying really hard to improve my writing because I keep going back and seeing lots of descriptions and feelings I should have added in and I'm trying to do that better at the editing stage rather than seeing gaps later when it's too late. And also organising a schedule of social activities for the IRL local tech group I'm part of (but starting to hate it, ngl, shush don't tell anyone).

Tagging people is absolutely the hardest part, but heyho. Pretty sure some of you beautiful people have already, but if not then bare your souls (or not) as much as you dare! @hilema @pleasecallmesweetie @callipigio @maleficent-cannoli @mangacat201 @bitsandpiecesofwhoiam @soglideaway @gaym3bo1

[udaberriwrites]

I was tagged for this by @mikaharuka , thank you! In turn I want to tag @hylianjo , @tamras-shieldmaiden , @bleepbloopbotz , @lena-hills and @sapphosewrites (I hope none of you were already tagged!)

Total number of completed works: That would be 21, with two of them being multichapter and the rest one-shots of various wordcounts, from 200 to 7000 :D

Total number of WIPs worked on this year: I... have absolutely no idea. I do have two ongoing fics that will be finished this year, I promise, but there's always a ton of fics in different stages of production in my drive... and some of them have been there for years at this point xD

WIPs neglected this year: As I was reminded recently, Death Doesn't Play Chess is still incomplete and I should really work on it. The combination of action and OC-focus has made it difficult, but I'm working on it, I promise.

Fandoms I've written in: There are my beloved, Deep Space Nine, Temeraire and Hades of course... Arcane and Castlevania... and a few new ones! Heartstopper, which was a surprise for me, and Loveless, The Good Place, The Life and Suffering of Sir Brante (going for the obscure one there xD)... oh, and for yuletide there were a few small fandoms too! The Song of Achilles, Legally Blonde (musical), Iron Widow and Spiritfarer!

Total wordcount: According to AO3, that'd be 76,219 words. Not bad!

Looking back, did you write more than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you expected? Probably more, yes! In previous years I was only just over 50k... let's see if the trend continues!

Did you take any writing risks this year? I'd say my biggest risks were... writing my darkest story to date, which included Major Character Death... signing up for Yuletide, which I had always found intimidating... and writing a proper multichaptered story, even if it was still short :D

Do you have any goals for the new year? Finish Death Doesn't Play Chess soon, that's the big one. Write a companion piece for Life is a Rollercoaster, as promised. In general, to publish more wlw and polyam content, even if I still love gen :)

Biggest disappointment? Having to finally let go of a longfic that I had been fighting with since 2019... but I have finally conceded that it's not going to happen. I may publish part of it as one-shots, if I have the time to rework the story :D

Biggest surprise? See below xD But also Yuletide was a lot more fun than I expected! I made a few mistakes, of course, but I'm glad I made the leap of faith, and I'm very much looking forward to joining again next year.

Most popular story of the year? By a huge margin, the winner is Life is a Rollercoaster; or Tao Xu's Fight Against the Big Butterfly of Chaos. That one was also a surprise, both how easy it felt to write and how well-received it was. Now I like Tao even more than I already did xD

What's your own favorite story of the year? Either Cry for the Innocent or Neither Grief Nor Glory, both took several months but I feel like it is some of the best writing I've ever done.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: Maybe my TSOA/Hades stories, as they haven't gotten many comments, but they haven't been revealed for very long... so it's pretty early to say for sure.

Most fun story to write: Molly Holmes and the Case of the Missing Present! I swear I was cackling as I typed some of it, and the twists and turns sometimes took me by surprise as well... I certainly didn't expect it to get that mushy xD

Most unintentionally telling story: I'm not sure. Maybe Friendship, Gossip and Cake? But I'm not sure I would call it unintentional, as I did draw from my experiences as asexual to write Georgia and Isaac (pretty please, I so hope Isaac is confirmed as ace in season 2 of Heartstopper)

My favorite part of fandom this year: The friends made along the way. I'm sorry for getting mushy here but... yeah, meeting @mikaharuka was one of the highlights of the year, I've loved our conversations <3 As well as joining a couple of multifandom Discords with very supportive people... just for that, this year has been a success. Thank you!

~ Udaberri

[stubbornness-and-spite]

Say You're Sorry Like We Do (Not Like How They Tell You Is Right)

Alternate titles:

I Don't Need Your Apologies(I've Already Got Your Blood In My Veins And My Bones In Your Chest)

Local Demolitions Expert Tries to Make Things Better. Succeeds In Making Them Worse.

Fandom: MHA/BNHA

Pairing: BakuDeku(undefined, not explicitly romantic but platonic doesn’t feel right either)

Summary: Bakugou wants to make things better. He makes them worse. Luckily for him, Midoriya isn't putting up with his bullshit.

Read on AO3 - notes/warnings on AO3 (canon-typical + swearing)

Word Count: 1031

Reblogs/comments are very appreciated!!

*fic continues under the cut*

Izuku never thought he’d almost miss hearing “Deku” spat at him, but he’d also never thought that there would be a time when he wouldn’t hear it. For better or for worse, he never could picture his life without Kacchan in it.

But Kacchan was still in his life and he hadn’t had “Deku” spat at him in almost a month. Kacchan had just… stopped talking to him altogether. Whenever he did say something to Izuku, it was either paired with a quiet “nerd” or no name at all. Izuku hated it. What they’d had before wasn’t good, but it felt like Kacchan was spitting on it anyway, like he’d passed over hatred for Izuku and moved into apathy.

Izuku had taken to pushing Kacchan's buttons on purpose to get him to say anything to Izuku. He’d gotten more than a few explosions to the face, but Kacchan's mouth had remained as closed as ever.

“Deku?” Ochako asked at lunch one day. Izuku’s one saving grace was that Ochako still called him Deku, even if it didn’t have any history behind it when she did. “Are you okay? I don’t know what’s up with him but Bakugou has been practically attacking you lately. Are you doing okay?”

Izuku frowned. “What?”

Ochako shrugged. “He’s just been so angry lately. More than usual. And he’s taking it out on you, which isn’t fair.”

Izuku stared at her. “He’s been ignoring me for a month, what are you talking about?”

“Ignoring you?” Tenya chimed in. “He sent you to Recovery Girl yesterday!”

“Yeah,” Izuku said slowly. “Because I told him if he didn’t start trying harder then it wasn’t even going to take any effort to beat him.” Izuku scowled. “And he still ignored me.”

“Were you-” Ochako paused. “Were you trying to antagonize him?”

“Yeah,” Izuku said. It was obvious wasn’t it? “I thought maybe he was going through something, but he’s acting the same to everyone else. It’s just me he’s treating like I’m made of glass and going to break if he looks at me wrong.”

“He sent you to Recovery Girl with burns on your face,” Tenya stressed.

“And I broke his wrist!” Izuku finally snapped. “I broke Kacchan’s fucking wrist and he still wouldn’t say a word to me!” Izuku’s cheeks started to burn as the lunch room fell quiet.

“Bro, is your wrist broken?” Izuku heard Kirishima ask. “You should go to Recovery Girl.”

“I’m fine,” Kacchan growled.

Izuku whirled around and stormed over to their table. “Then why are you fucking ignoring me?” He snarled. “You’ve never had a problem telling me when I messed up before, why start now?”

“It’s nothing,” Kacchan muttered. “Let it go.” Izuku scowled and elbowed his way onto the lunch bench beside Kacchan.

“It’s something,” Izuku said firmly. “Because you haven’t stopped talking to me this much since we were four and you were so excited about showing off your quirk that you refused to admit that it was burning your hands until I found you hiding behind the school with your palms bleeding. So tell me what’s wrong.”

Kacchan scowled at his lunch. “I’m trying to be a better person, alright?” He growled. “I know you’d get just as pissed as I would if I started holding back on you in training, but I don’t need to fucking insult you all the time, alright?!”

“Bullshit,” Izuku said quietly. “Bull. Shit. Kacchan.” He huffed. “If that were true you’d be acting differently with everyone, but it’s not everyone, it’s just me.”

Kacchan jerked his head up to glare at Izuku. “Well, I didn’t tell everyone to take a swan dive off the roof, now did I?!”

Izuku saw Kacchan's friends drawing back in shock, and noticed Tenya and Ochako doing the same from where they’d followed him partway over. He scoffed. “Like you were the first person to say that. You know perfectly well that if I had jumped after you’d said that, it would have been off a roof that was only high enough to break a few bones and it would have been purely out of spite.”

“Yeah,” Kacchan said roughly.

“And we both know you barely let me out of your sight for the next week and were ready to tackle me back any time I got anywhere close to a ledge,” Izuku added.

“Yeah,” Kacchan repeated. “Doesn’t make it okay.”

Izuku sighed. “No, it doesn’t. But neither does pretending it never happened and I don’t exist. I spent a long time having people pretend I didn’t exist. You were never one of them. Don’t start being one now.”

Kacchan sighed. “Midoriya-”

Izuku saw red. One for All rushed through his body as he jabbed a finger into Kacchan's chest hard enough to bruise. “Fuck that and fuck you, Kacchan,” he snarled. “Don’t you dare call me by my family name as if we didn’t grow up together. As if the fact that I don’t have any childhood memories that don’t involve you means nothing. You’ve never called me Midoriya and I’d rather spend the rest of our lives with you calling me useless than hear you start now.” He jabbed Kacchan in the chest again. “If you want to be a better person, then don’t start by deciding what’s best for me. If you want to stop calling me Deku even though it doesn’t bother me anymore because there’s baggage there when you say it, then call me Izuku. Don’t call me Midoriya like we were never friends and none of it ever mattered.” Izuku choked on his words and his power faded back under his skin. “That’s- that’s worse, Kacchan,” he hissed. “Fuck you. It mattered.”

Kacchan rubbed at his chest. “You hate it when I call you Deku.”

Izuku rolled his eyes. “And you hate it when I call you Kacchan. That’s the point.”

Kacchan's lips quirked upwards. “I don’t hate it that much,” he admitted.

Izuku raised his eyebrows. “Since when are you soft?”

Kacchan grin curled into something closer to a snarl. “Who’re you calling soft, Deku ?”

Izuku beamed. “The guy who fell off a bridge because he couldn’t stop showing off, Kacchan .”

[actualbird]

hello hi!!! first of all i must say i'm eternally grateful for stumbling upon your fics on ao3 in my early days of playing ToT (less than a month i guess, too lazy to check rn haha), this was such a blessing, i mean, your writing is outstanding, to me you're a type of writer every fandom needs - keen in observing the characters and putting them to life, giving them additional depth with such skill. whew. anyway you're a blessing.

secondly i was scrolling through your blog here reading all i could abt marius because yeah, he's my #1 boy. lately i've been struggling with my perception of myself gender-related, not gonna go into detail bc it's not that important, anyways a lot of self-doubt and answers i can't find. but then. your posts about marius, the mc and your thoughts on their gender and behaviour, ways of expressing themselves, etc etc. and it had helped me enormously, you know. i tried many pronouns, names, ways of expressing myself, nothing clicked as right until i've read your posts about how both of them wouldn't care too much and just go as they are, i mean, i don't exactly remember the actual quote but you wrote how marius asked the mc if she's okay with him calling her she and miss and if she'd prefer any other pronouns, and she said nah i'm ok with miss still. and then i was like oh god wow, this exactly. i mean i don't HAVE to pick any specific pronouns or change my clothing style or start or stop putting more or less makeup on (im feminine afab and to put it shortly i'm ok with any look, gnc or not lol) it's just like that! that simple. so i'm forever grateful for this revelation, for the fact that i started playing this game and eventually found you. ty 💜 (also i'm sorry for my words choosing and whatever, english is my second language and i don't care much about grammar or sounding properly lol, and maybe if my message was too personal and i've dumped a lot of unneeded things on you. i'm sorry in advance for that also, you can ignore this mess of a message haha)

hello, anon!!

first off, no need to ever apologize for english trouble bc mood.

second off, thank you so much for your kind words on my writing :(((

and third off, i'd like to preface this response by giving a meme thats basically how i looked like as i read this ask

no frigging joke. tears in my eyes. ive been having a bad day today and a bad night yesterday, in regards to my writing so reading this just....it means a lot to me.

im so so honored that my works helped you figure out this part of yourself. truly and absolutely, your gender and expression of it doesnt need a strict label or rules if you dont want that. it's anything you want it to be, whatever makes you feel most like yourself. since i wrote those hcs, ive got the right to tell u marius and mc are so so happy for you. and i am too.

im just.....very very positively baffled to receive this ask at all. emphasis on positive. like i said earlier, ive been having a bad time irt how i feel about my writing kdsjbfsjg. most of it boiled down to the fact that not only is everything i make just like, not good writing, but also that it's useless and amounts to nothing.

and then i get this ask.

and it's not the first one of its kind ive received.

off the top of my head, ive received a dm from somebody telling me that my fanfiction years ago had inspired them to pursue writing in college and they were just accepted for a masters degree in creative writing. ive gotten a comment on a fanfic that said the story gave them the courage to confess to their crush and them and that other person have been together ever since. ive gotten asks like this telling me that my works helped them feel seen irt to gender, mental illness, or just like...being a person.

theres no way i can prove all these things happened in real life. ive got the messages and comments archived in chat histories or on this blog or on my ao3 comments, but these are words online, and stories can always be made up.

but if they are true then...huh.

it makes me feel honored.

im probably never going to get to the point where i'll see myself as a good person or where i stop doubting what i create, but if what i make can result in things like this, then man, what i think doesnt fucking matter. im not good but what i make can maybe, just maybe, result in good.

all this i ramblingly type to say thank you. from the bottom of my heart, thank you for telling me this.

i hope you have a wonderful day and a kind new year ahead of you, anon :')

[newtonsheffield]

Hello, beautiful!! It's been only a few weeks (a month I'd say) and I can officially say I've got hooked to the Bridgerton and Sons 'verse and its headcanons and it's WONDERFUL. I love it so, so much, and your writing in general! Please, continue doing it -as much as you feel comfortable- because your stories makes other people's days. 🥰 All this said (because you deserve being complimented), which headcanon would you love to write but no one has asked you yet? I bet you have got a "little" something you're excited about, yet you have not shared yet. Love from Spain (yep, this has reached Spain)! ❤️

And, another stupid fact: I'm your same age, and my birthday is in September too! #VirgoForTheWin, I guess! 😂

Ahhh Thank you to you for taking the time to read this ridiculous ‘verse and I’m so glad that I’ve kept you entertained this month, I have to say I’m becoming rather curious as to how everyone found this blog, was it purely through my shameless self promotion of Ao3 or ?? Let me know some other time! 

Spain??? My Goodness. That’s insane! I think of this as purely a local sort of blog although the fact that 2 people I know in real life have read it, is a little odd and Mortifying to me for some reason (I have refused to give anyone else the link including my older sister who eyed with a sort of Why are you like this? Look that only a truly exasperated sibling can pull off with appropriate love and concern when I told her what I’d been doing) Oh heyyyy! Birthday Buddies! September is a truly heinous time of year in Australia, because it’s strating to get ht and all of the flies and insects depressingly make themselves known again but there we have it!

Okay! I have been absolutely itching for someone to ask me about Edwina+ Kate and Anthony’s kids and absolutely no one has! I’ve been over here like “Guys! She’d be really cute with them!” And not a single one! So you didn’t really ask for them but here they are! 

When Edwina Sheffield found out she was going to be an aunt for the first time she was... beyond excited. Kate may have thought she would die single and alone but Edwina had known better and her heart had ached because she knew Kate would be a truly amazing mother. People had a tendencies to think of Kate as all sharp edges, and dry witticisms, but at her heart she was warm, and patient, and the way she wrapped her arms around you had a way of making you feel like nothing could ever be wrong again. So yes, Edwina was thrilled! And also because, yes, she may take a little bit of credit for Kate and Anthony’s relationship as a whole.

From the minute Eddie found out she was researching. Though she made the mistake of telling Kate this at brunch one day, 4 months into the pregnancy. Kate I’ve been researching and I’ve read that pregnant women really shouldn’t- Kate hadn’t even let her finish. She’d dropped her silverware loudly on the table stood up and said Eddie not you too. I’m so disappointed in you. and left the room leaving Edwina and their mother a little stunned. Anthony had barely been ruffled, he’d scoffed and said Edwina don’t worry about Kate, She apparently doesn’t believe in RESEARCH yelling the last word so his wife could hear him. Kate had called back I’l tell you where you can shove your fucking research! Edwina did not bring the matter up to Kate again though she did send Anthony articles every few days. 

When Edmund was born, Edwina loved spending time with him. She’d take him to the park, or the museum and they’d sit for hours, with her talking away, telling him about Anthony, and Kate, and the difference between a Stegosaurus and a Triceratops, strapped to her front in a tiny baby carrier. Even when people told her that Edmund was a baby and he really wouldn’t remember, she didn’t care. And when people would come up to her and comment on what a beautiful baby he was, and to Edwina’s mind there had never been a more beautiful one, she’d smile blindingly in the way she’d learned as an 18 year old startled people just a little and say Thank you! He’s my Nephew! Her heart brimming with pride. 

When Kate was pregnant with Miles Edwina was just as thrilled, She’d just gotten engaged to Matthew Bagwell and she absolutely could not be more thrilled. than when she sat at lunch with Kate and excitedly said Matthew asked me to marry him! And Kate had cooed over the ring and said how much she liked Matthew and then said dryly You should be careful though, Men lure you in being so sweet and charming, carrying their sons round in little baby carriers with a plastic dinosaur in there hair and it’s just a trap to get you pregnant again. Edwina had laughed loudly and when Miles was born a few months later she watched how gently Kate Held Edmund, who had the tiny baby in his arms and it brought a tear to her eye as she took a picture just like the one hanging in her Mother’s living room.

Thanks so much for indulging me with these!