#I've been working on this all day and I still dont think it's good/coherent in the way I'd like but I don't think I'll be able to improve

[kim-ruzek]

I'm just gonna talk about the beauty and poetic and totally perfection of the framing of the domestic burzek scenes, and the proposal because I just rewatched it and I'm losing my mind all over again.

The episode starting out with Burzek doing their routine dance, showing them in their groove and utterly rocking domesticity, and family life balancing work, their relationship and a child highlights just how far they've came and how settled they've gotten. They've truly hit their stride, and you can see the confidence that exudes of both of them, but especially Kim, that it has created. They've created this amazing safe space for themselves, built a life where they truly get fulfilled and supported - and have the family and ease they both have dreamt of.

It really sets up that Kim can afford to go so hard in with this case, because she has her family, her partner. And she can afford to help out as a spanish speaker in a much needed time, because she doesn't have to worry about the affect on her family. She has Adam. Adam is fine, and Adam has Mack so she can be cop!Kim, without worrying she'll be like her parents. There's nothing she has to sacrifice anymore, because her and Adam have worked out their kinks and ruts.

Like in a lot of her episodes and with cases that hit her hard, we can see that she's gone all in. She's not going home or sleeping, and she keeps working at the case, keeps feeling what she needs, but it's different from before. She's more confident in her movements, and she doesn't feel as desperate, like she doesn't get so 'lost' in it, and that is because of Adam. Because she knows she has him, knows he's anchoring her, and knows when she goes home, she can talk to him, share her thoughts and he'll be there with her.

Which we then see her do, when we see her at home. We see her talking to Adam about everything, see her tell him about the cards, and how much she needs the family and how this makes her feel.

The framing of the two scenes, the start and the end, very much shows how things work in Kim's mind, and how they always really have. When she's home, she's home and when she's at work, she's at work. And before that has meant that she has to shut off at work, and bury everything down at home and that's not been healthy for her - but she needs that divide.

But here we see she's gotten that balance down. She knows she's supported and loved, and she knows she can come home to a family and also that she can lock that part away when at work to not let the darkness touch it, but not in the unhealthy way she did before, that she's not shutting it down and more just getting herself into that routine - and she's still engaging in that side of her, for example, when she texts Adam. She's no longer, as well, living just for the job, but for that family.

At the start, Kim is relaxed and at ease. Then she has a tough case, and while she's still a little wound up in a tired way, you can see her physically relax when at the end she comes back through that door. She knows she can decompress and she knows Adam will be there.

I love how in the bedroom, Kim can talk open and honestly about everything and Adam just comes with support, love and validation. They truly have become partners in every way. And Adam listens, he hears what she's saying, and he knows that it is the perfect time to get out the ring, because she needs that.

Really, all she needs is to hear him say he'll always fight for them, and this is what he gives her even before. And how Kim reacts to that, and how she looks at him when she asks, it's not because she's never heard that, it's because she has and she knows if she asks, he will reconfirm that they are forever.

The engagement, in many ways, is just an acknowledgment on both of their parts how they've gotten into this routine, that they're good, and solidifying it. A visual and legal reminder to say we're forever and this is something we'll always fight for. And it's solidifying the book-ending of the two domestic scenes, and everything it means.

This is of course expressed visually, and I've talked already about the role the ring plays, but it's also expressed verbally. At the start, Adam says "third times a charm" about Mack's permission slip, which is then called back to with Kim saying it about the proposal which just unites both their family life, their routine, the past and the two scenes.

And it's just so beautiful.

[moonshine-nightlight]

Being sick for the past week meant that I had nothing better to do today than lay in bed and refresh tumblr waiting for chapter 34, and seeing it at the very top of my dash was the highlight of my day! The wait was definitely worth it, my health for the duration notwithstanding lol

SPOILER WARNING FOR PAST CHAPTERS IDK HOW TO PUT READ MORES IN ASKS I'M SO SORRY

You made the right call taking the extra time to edit this doozy of a chapter—figuring out how to share Dale's exposition in a way that made sense and fit into the events of the story while maintaining tonal consistency must have been quite the process, between the restrictions of Sana's POV, regency genre conventions, and the story's (heh) natural climax being Dale's identity "reveal" followed by the wedding. I'm very curious if you currently have any ideas for how you're going to tackle this exposition in the novelization, or if you're inclined to handle it differently at all!

@weasellyferret

i hope you're feeling better! i'm so glad you enjoyed the new chapter!

i hav no idea if u can even put a read more in an ask anymore and i can't hide it now but my answer will be under the read more

thanks! i think some people really underestimate how helpful even self editing is to make things coherent, especially for a long chapter like this one that covered so much but also was literally just two ppl talking to each other (ppl lov to say they'll take any update, but lik, thats cuz they dont knooow lol and i dont just want it to b passable, i want it to b good).

with lore/backstory like this i also have to make sure it makes sense to readers who havent read any of it before nor know any of the even more info that I know because there's even more worldbuilding and dale backstory that wont end up in the story.

i'm glad u think i pulled it off to any degree because i was still pretty nervous when i was posting it that it did make sense, fit in the world, was followable, interesting but not just exposition monologue, etc

yeah, chapter 30 where they have the reveal convo is the primary climax of the story and that's also 'just talking' in a sense so its interesting to write this story in that sense lol

while i had the broad outline of the world and dale's backstory from the beginning (i did a little exercise where i sketched out a sort of Dale POV of chapter 6 to get into his mindset which was super helpful) as I wrote the story a lot more of that info became fully fleshed out/defined. so for the novelization, i'll probably try to work more of the info in earlier or have better allusions to it, which will make some of the info in chapter 34 more of a quick confirmation than the exposition itself

ie i might add a chapter with more detail on Sana researching with Dale's books that Bilmont smuggles and plant suspicions of what went wrong with the summoning; i might adjust the chapter after the attack to be more of a convo about the assassination that the grandparents interrupt where Sana can suspect more of Dale's past etc and generally spread out what i can so its more foreshadowed/natural - things like that

other aspects sort of have to be told to Sana because its POV limited, evn when it is updated to 3rd POV. i'll probably do a straight POV swap and minor edit ; then take a look at it as a whole, reassess things on my own, run those ideas by some writer friends/betas and get their thoughts, and finally my editors (who i used for DSM) are also very good with making sure worldbuilding fits in right and so their advice will be helpful - especially since they will only get the draft i giv them without knowing how it was and what changed etc

once chapter 35 is out (which i'm still writing because smut is a challenge to right and i write it more slowly than other things) i'll start slowly editing and passing along to betas the rest of the story (i've got thru chap 11 done and betas who only read those and who are chomping at the bit - u think u've had a long wait? lol) but it will be spring by the time i do any big edits/revisions and then i'll giv it to the editors, who i already lik, semi-lined up for that time period and idk how long they will take because its a long book and then i'll need to process their edits too so it'll be a lengthy process, but i hope everyone knows it will 100% b a novel and i hope they enjoy it!

now back to stabbing away at the smut writing ;)

[halfusek]

Since the new Chris Portal documentary showed the true and nasty side of KB/Mike and TheMeatly, are you still gonna Say "we don't know the full story"?. We as a fanbase were treated as shitty as the employees they fired and abused, they don't deserve respect anymore.

uh i dont know where you've been but that video hasn't uncovered much new to me aside from some details from the two interviews near the end of the vid but like all of that stuff has already been known, it is just the first instance of someone compiling it into a coherent video (like the stupid games for kids said by mike we already knew in 2019 which i would not exactly say is the same as experiencing work abuse lol)

and idk why you're being so hostile at me, i've never been one to defend mike nor meatly but tried to find and share as much of the information as i could find about their wrongdoings, like dude i was fucking there pointing out that a lot of employees dont have "kindlybeast employee" in their twitter bios which then got screenshot and that post went on reddit where actual ex employees started sharing stuff (which freaked me out cuz i didnt want to have my "face" on the post dedicated to that) so like maybe turn that down a little

i feel like there's a lot of people new to some things unraveling in this controversy but as for me i've already made up my mind what i think of it, so i'm not so up in arms to scream about things that we already screamed about 2-3 years ago and that might make people think that i don't care or wanna brush it off which is not true

kindly beast / joey drew studios inc / mike and meatly deserve all the criticism aimed towards them, and on the day it was known about the lawsuit i laughed that karma finally got to them because i had thoughts "for all the shit they did to people, they deserve to fail and lose everything, to start over"

but i also think this is an opportunity for them to improve, learn and do better, sooooo i'm just kind of waiting for the next thing to happen i guess

in case they don't improve, welp, they can honestly fuck off

death of the author, whatever, it is anyone's personal call if they wanna keep on supporting some creators or not, and well as for me i think there's so much more and worse stuff that we (we as... gaming community... fandoms...?) tolerate that this seems just... small in comparison. i'm NOT saying it's not a big deal, it has me wishing lowkey that i just wasn't into batim lmao so i could just go. like for example i'm much more disgusted at sc/ott caw/thons wrongdoings cause they actually influence politics so i'm actively trying to keep myself away from engaging with fnaf or that one pirate gay show that i was like holy shit a cool gay couple but then read some yikes things about a character being based on actual real life guy who was a slave owner and that just had me nope out. i guess what i'm saying is i try not to support problematic things but if i were to suport only those purely unproblematic thatd kinda leave me with nothing idk society capitalism something something so you know i just try to weigh if something is actively harmful to people or if there is something that happened that i absolutely cannot forgive and based on that i get into something or not

does that make me a hypocrite? maybe but if i focus on boycotting what matters in the grand scheme of things and indulge a little in indie game fandom that's rapidly losing popularity i think i can personally live with that

sorry for going off about this, truth be told there's a lot of things happening in the world right now that put me in a very doomer mode lmao i mean we all see whats happening, shits pretty fucked and it was hard for me to even spare some focus on this, its really not good to get so desensitized so i also apologize for the harsh tone but yeah

anyways, i agree that we should make them feel like they need to apologize and do better, meatly still havent said a word publicly about anything that has happened and that fucking sucks

i still do not like harassing them over releasing batdr, thats part of crunch culture and all that jazz and i think we shouldnt lower the standards for that for anyone because [insert that image of you doing something bad to someone you dislike but it deflecting into someone you like]

but we should keep them on their toes and not let them think that we will just forget and let them get away with it because wow they've been massive assholes

[ttlmt]

Bee, how are we meant to process this!?!?! I'm so furious on his behalf that he got jerked around by YouTube for so long, it's so disheartening and unfair and yet he's still there. Picking up the shattered pieces and figuring out how to fit them back together again. Just listening to his voice for an hour and a half straight (or well gay) has made something resonate deep within my chest and I didn't realise how much I missed him before I was reminded of all that he is. (Also, hello, I hope you're doing well, love!)

i think you can see me have a rollercoaster of a breakdown over the past like three hours on this blog cxlkjcdhg its so much to process

i missed him SO much just today my friends and i were joking about dan coming back and then BOOM here he is. i loved listening to his voice and his humour and wisdom and he always knows just what to say when i need to hear it. always sends me in a spiral but knows how to pull me out.

(edit: i've decided to put this under a read more because a) it got way longer than expected and b) its not all coherent and well-spoken like i wanted it to be but here it is)

first of all, i love dan's journey to accepting his past and appreciating it for what it is because thats a similar journey that i've been on recently and im glad he never doesn't acknowledge that there was good in it. it was good. it was important. its just not what he needs now. and nuance is something this phandom i find always struggles with, but dan is so good at it. there was good and bad parts to all parts of his career, but he ends on a positive note because he knows we're like him and we worry and thats where he is now and just yeah i love him

dan being so hard on himself about being a creator and whether or not he deserves this and that he firmly believes he's not good enough? i FELT that. like it doesnt matter what other people say, sometimes you just dont believe the good and you just need to operate like that. and it SUCKS. but you still do it in hopes that maybe one day you'll see what they see. also all that esp after knowing all the shit he went through in the past year? im about to throw hands with dans brain

BURNOUT. god as a media student just personally this hit. like its not an industry you can be neurodivergent or mentally ill in. you're expected to be working 24/7 and you're supposed to be happy about it because you're doing what you love. everything is your job, but its what you wanted right? creative control? its so fucked up and dan explained it way better than i have ever heard someone say it. im so glad hes prioritizing getting help to work on stuff like we're a collaborative species we're meant to work together and im so glad it seemed with this video already he has found people he likes working with

i'm gonna fucking fight youtube. like i figured it was bad behind the scenes but i did not in any universe think it was That Bad. i just assumed things got cancelled cause of covid. the way they treated dan is so fucking unprofessional (but also not unheard of in the industry which is more fucked) and i hope they receive backlash for this but also YTO is gone now so theres nothing really to do and i also dont want it to reflect on dan. in addition to that, i can't imagine going through this with a partner who has the same employer and needs to work with them too. like phil had to watch yt do this to dan all while still working with yt cause its his job. they love and care about eachother so much and im glad they had eachother but jfc they shouldn't have had to go through that.

i'm so glad dan is taking control of his narrative and doing stuff for himself now. im soooo excited for tour. im so happy ttlmt (the video) is getting the recognition it deserves. i hope this shuts everyone up who shit on dan over the past 2 years.

also hellooooo i'm doing alright! i just got back to my parent's place for the summer so i'm adjusting to that and starting my summer course so i'm a bit overwhelmed but im overall okay. all this happening right after i say im back with gifs is so funny dlkjfdg

[ppbpencilcrayon]

Amnesty Sylvain Theory(?)

Ok so I was relistening to some amnesty episodes, (mostly 28 and 32 because I love making myself cry apparently) and I had some thoughts. I dont event know if the information I'm basing this theory off of is even 100% accurate but I'm gonna try to make this as understandable as possible because it's just gonna be me rambling for a couple paragraphs. I'm on mobile rn so I don't think I can put a keep reading thing so sorry, this is gonna get long.

Oh yeah and spoilers for up to episode 32

So here's what we know so far and I apologize if I'm getting some of these wrong.

Sylvain, the entity, is missing

Aubrey can hear the thoughts and memories of Sylvain's Interpreter who I cant remember the name of at the moment

Sylvain is missing because a while back some humans went to Sylvain and broke off pieces of the crystal

Aubrey can interact with the crystal, but instead of giving her energy like it does to other Sylvans, (is that the term? Or is it silphs? I cant remember) she gives energy to the crystal

The Flamebright Pendant has been passed down throughout Aubrey's family and is made of the Sylvain Crystal

Aubrey thinks her powers were what caused the fire the night Ned and Boyd robbed her house

Aubrey met Magic when she was trying to revive Deputy Dewey

Dani told Aubrey that recently she realized that she felt at home when she was with Aubrey

Naturally when given this information, some people have come to the conclusion "oh, Aubrey might be Sylvain" but I don't think that's the case. I'm gonna try and go over my thoughts on that and try to be coherent because my thoughts are very scattered as I type this. One big thing that I keep going back and forth on is how Dani told Aubrey that she felt like home. And she even specifies, not sentimentally, literally. There's probably a good couple of ways you could interpret that, but the way I've seen people interpret it as is "Subconsciously, you remind me of Sylvain". But that also doesn't make sense. When Dani is expressing her worries about which side of the gate to land on, she mentions that part of the reason she was having such a hard time with that decision was that Sylvain no longer felt like home.

But here's where my little theory(?) (and I put a question mark with that bc honestly I'm still not sure about it) comes in. What if Sylvain is in the Flamebright Pendant?

Ok, yes, I know, it's a bit of a reach bc for most of amnesty the flamebright pendant has been locked in the back room of the cryptonomica, but hear me out. (I would like to emphasize, there's a whole bunch of connections I'm just kind of bullshitting with no data to draw from so you might want to take this with a grain of salt)

My main reasoning is that if memory serves, Sylvain went missing the day the crystal got broken, so who's to say that she(?) didn't get trapped in one of the shards? And that shard hadn't just been providing the Little Family some luck, but also a little bit of magic that got passed whenever a family member passed the pendant down to their descendant? That could be why Aubrey's powers manifested that night specifically, not just the danger, but because her mother gave her the pendant. She wasnt wearing it, but maybe all it took was Mrs. Little vocalizing that, yes Aubrey was the next owner of the pendant. Then even after Ned took the pendant, that magic was still fairly linked to Aubrey, just not as strong.

The real question is, why would Aubrey's magic suddenly reactivate again at some random magic show? Mama. Mama, who is constantly working with the former inhabitants of Silvain. Mama, who has probably been to Sylvain multiple times. Whatever piece of sylvain is connected to Aubrey might be able to sense that? So her magic sparks again and she's brought back to Amnesty Lodge where there's even more Sylvain energy because not only is the gate right there, but Aubrey, without even realizing it, is closer to the pendant than she has been in years. So now that the connection between Aubrey and Sylvain is stronger than, probably ever, she's now starting to get more access, more control, over her powers.

Why does Aubrey have access to Alexandra's(?) memories? Maybe because they both have fairly strong connections to Sylvain, they have some amount of connection with eachother by association? (Another interpretation could also be Alexandra is Sylvain and Aubrey is the new interpreter?)

With the crystal stuff, I feel like maybe Aubrey is drawing her powers directly from Sylvain? And while the crystal is the battery, Sylvain is the energy source. The crystal only has so much energy to give out before it's drained, but Sylvain was its constant source. So that could explain why instead of giving energy, the crystal takes from Aubrey. (Of course this could be the crystal's reaction to all humans, we just dont know since Aubrey is the only one we've seen touch the crystal so far).

And finally, when Dani tells Aubrey she literally feels like home. I know what I already said but there's something else I didn't mention. The thing that Silvain provides that all of its inhabitants require to stay sane. Everywhere Dani has been, everywhere she has called home, as had that one specific similarity. It had to, or else all of the sylphs stuck on earth would have long gone feral. Whatever energy is given by the crystal and the springs by Amnesty Lodge. Dani also mentioned it was a recent thing. Aubrey getting her pendant back was also a relatively recent thing.

(Also I feel like they're gonna find some way to bring Sylvain back bc it would make sense that the big loose end of "where the hell did Sylvain go" is something that got tied up at the end and this seems like a good way to do it)

Congrats you've finally made it to the end of this absurdly long post. Next time I go on desktop I'll edit this and add that keep reading option.

TLDR:

[sareinadale]

mine was similar too! you see, i think i've always had a thing for stories since i was six. i remember wearing a bunny ear and this cute cotton tail while i recite the rabbit and the hare's story while being completely and utterly like a stick (stage fright lol).

when i was nine, my teacher chose me to be the narrator of a local fabled legend and the funny thing was: i somehow remembered the entire storyline without referring to the script/textbook.

when i was eleven, my english tuition teacher asked us to write a story - anything - complete with illustrations and all. there were no limits and guess what i wrote? a story about a magical mannequin on a quest to defeat an evil magician, all with the help of his two friends, ezra and emerza. the mannequin's name was rey.

it was obviously a mess but my teacher (bless them for not laughing at my work or anything) and praised me for the story. they still gave good feedback on my awful grammar, but my god, i was over the moon with their recognition.

also, you know how as a writer, you NEED to love reading books right? well i absolutely dread reading them. you see, english wasn't my first language and on top of that, i was a slow learner.

trudging on the trenches of english grammar and learning how to write coherently was a torture. my mom used to force me to borrow at least two books every week and expected me to finish and 'enjoy' them. i pretended to "read" all and what i'd do was pick up some strange vocabs like magnanimous, amiable etc. and write them down in my notebook.

even when i looked up for the meaning of these words, i was like "what does that even mean???"

buuuut i went on and fast forward to when i was in high school, i started writing more. not a single care to the quality that i poured in.

at that time, it happens that frozen and wattpad and fanfiction.net was THE thing and i was that every other ROTFBD (i dont remember the acronyms sorry) and ALMOST published a Jelsa series on wattpad. eventually my insecurity held me back and i never did it. && twitter roleplay. . . yes, the hobby that kept my passion going. the interplay between my obsession with frozen and roleplay were the biggest credit.

fast forward to about june last year and after a three year break from writing, i started writing non-stop (kinda) and i've never been happier!

from a professional standpoint, i knew i was meant to work in a writing-related roles. i've had the pleasure of working as a part-time "storyteller" for a social enterprise when i was 19, where i had to scout random strangers on the street for their life stories.

following this, i was lucky to land a role in content writing, where i was able to combine my interest in kpop and lifestyle-entertainment content. i nearly had a burnout with that job because i would be writing for 3-4 days worth of articles every week - but after working in 2 non-writing internships, i realized how much i'd rather do writing than anything else.

either way, in hindsight, it doesn't made sense that i started off disliking the act of reading books. but as i grow older, all the things that i did as a child all the way to where i am now, somehow made sense.

i do hope that i'll get to keep this passion going, whether in my personal life or professionally. i just can't imagine where i'll be or how different my life would be if it weren't for writing.

i’m so glad i started writing when i was young enough not to care that i was bad otherwise i absolutely would not have persevered long enough to become a good writer

[polnitsch]

Sorry this is really none of my business so feel free to ignore this but I've been in a similar situation a few times (from what I can tell) and if someone is making you feel like garbage at all it's not worth it. Not unless they make a clear and active effort to alter their behaviour after you bring up whatever's hurting you. You should never put up with anything that doesn't make you feel good though at the end of the day. I hope you manage to figure things out, I know it can be tricky

anon i genuinely appreciate this message, like i honestly wish i could talk more about this but due to the events being kind of private i don’t feel comfortable doing so and only one person irl (minus the person involved) knows what’s going on, so i can’t really talk to anyone in real life. it’s not as bad as what you’re imagining, like when written down it looks like i’m overreacting i think, but like

okay vague ranting below the cut and imo tmi i am sorry i just want to get it out there clearly once before i inevitability talk to them about this today and end up crying again and unable to form coherent thought

i think i was honesty somewhat affected by the state of mind i was in, so maybe i wouldn’t have been so upset if i hadn’t got into that mindset. but as far as i can see they deliberately got me into a mindset (essentially submissive and pliant) so that i would do something and they know, they know, that the one thing i need in return is affection afterwards. but we get to their house and i’m like ‘can i come inside for a bit?’ and what i get in return is essentially ‘… i suppose’ and then when i’m there they’re like ‘jay how long are you gunna be?’  which if you can’t tell, their tone was like ‘okay so when are you gunna leave? -_-’. i get upset, try to hide it, fail miserably. they then give me this thing of ‘i have to get up at 7 for work tomorrow’ and i was like ‘yeah, and you knew that before you made me do the thing so’ and they were like ‘listen, i didn’t make you do anything’ which bullshit because a) they knew that what they were doing would make me more pliable and b) any time i say no to what they want, i get non-stop ‘noooo jay nooo, why? come on jay. come on…’ and move my hand/body/whatever into position and you just dont want to deal with that sometimes, right?? and c) i didn’t the fuck know that we were almost home and that i would receive no affection in return. anyway THEN they got angry and were like ‘i just drove us 4 hours back from the airport’ – by this point i was too upset to respond but i’m sure you can imagine what my thoughts were (’i didnt fucking make you do that, i offered to drive, it’s hardly my fault there was traffic all the way back etc. etc.’) then i think there was some shit about me making myself out to be the victim and this would be when i left 

and i’m still sorting everything out in my head. bottom line, definitely don’t trust them with that stuff right now, and i need to figure out if i’m okay with this continuous pushing or if i can wait for someone who will take my i don’t want to’s seriously and let me go at my own pace