#I've been wanting to share this for a bit

[lackadaisycats]

Hello Tracy, I've been a fan of Lackadaisy since the webcomic days and want to ask a quick question regarding Patreon. I'm also an indie creative myself and currently trying to raise funds for a show I'm working on. What are the best ways to market myself online, and what are some ways to obtain money for the production of merchandise that doesn't involve crowdfunding?

Any specific advice I could give about marketing oneself online at this point would be pretty outdated. I started making Lackadaisy years back, when the internet had a rather different geography and culture. DeviantArt was where all the art kids were. That is, of course, no longer the case.

My generalized advice, though, would be to start working on your project, start sharing it in some form, even if it's just concept art or experiments at this phase, and start building an audience. Nothing speaks to the quality and appeal of whatever it is you're making like the thing itself does. Pick your poisons, as far as social media goes, but probably don't focus solely on one. Platforms don't remain useful or pleasant places to be forever. Set up an avenue for viewers to support you (Patreon, Ko-fi, or something like it), but don't expect supporters to come flooding in all at once. The internet is awash with so many creators and shows and influencers and distractions, it's hard to make waves. Tenacity will be your ally, though. You are likely going to be pursuing your project on the side and possibly working at a loss for a while as you build. Keep things small scale, especially if you're working solo, or with a small team of people. Audience growth and support may eventually start allowing you to expand your ambitions. It's important to do the thing you're doing out of love for the art, for the project itself, for the experience of doing it, and not because you're expecting rounds of applause, accolades, and money to come rushing at you. There's no guarantee that last part will happen...so at least make sure you're having fun doing whatever you're doing.

----------------

About merchandise --

You can incur the upfront cost of producing, say, a small run of enamel pins. Sell them on your own shop storefront or offer them to supporters at certain tier levels and see how long it takes to earn back the production cost such that you start earning a little bit of profit. Get a feel for how well you can handle packaging and shipping things yourself. Test the waters before making any large merch orders, and don't order vast amounts of something that you don't have room to 'warehouse' in your own home.

You can go the print on demand route. It's got its drawbacks - like slim returns - but it allows you to offer an assortment of merch items without the huge risk of paying big manufacturing fees upfront. It can also do the fulfillment/shipping part for you. I did pretty okay selling prints this way for a time. (Research and be selective about what services you use here, though. Some have gotten markedly worse over the years.)

I know Patreon offers a subscription level for creators that includes some merch production and fulfillment. I haven't personally used it, though, so I'd ask around to see what other creators' experiences have been like with it.

One thing I would suggest relying more heavily on, especially at first, is digital/downloadable rewards, like PDF ebooks or digital sketchbooks - things like that. Shipping supplies and postage costs are ever-increasing and can easily end up putting you in the red. Also, if you have an international audience, it may be difficult to reach them with tangible merch items.

You might also check out some nearby conventions to see if they'd be a good fit for you and your project. Apply for artist alley space at one of them if that's appropriate, or investigate whether or not it'd be worth it to get a dealer table. You might even find someone willing to share dealer space with you for a trial-run.

At some point, when you have enough of an audience to warrant it, seek out a merch partner. Or, they might come scouting for you if they think you have something going that'd be soundly marketable.

[afriendofblahaj]

OMG

@ccelest1al wrote this AMAZING guide for helping with this. Share it with anyone you know who hates body or facial hair.

It’s supposed to be a markdown file but tumblr doesn’t let me attach files, so I’ve just pasted the contents below the cut

## Introduction

Hello! I don't know who else I'm going to share this with so in case you do not know me, I am Charlie (it/she) and I'm a pre-medical transition MtF trans girl who has been out for 4 years! As such, I have a *lot* more experience than most with shaving extreme gorilla levels of hair, and want to share some advice for people that might be in a similar spot. First I'll cover the different methods of hair removal, then go into my personal recommendations for each area of the body.

## General Shaving Advice

*Above all else, prioritise your skin health.*

There will be times when you will shave wrong and it will *feel* fine. Perhaps you already have some of these bad habits yourself. I often hear about people dry shaving and saying its "not that bad", or using 4 week old razors and saying "oh it works fine". It doesn't. If you care about your skin, you need to do things *properly*.

*Leading off of the last point, take care of your skin in other ways too*

If you are not already moisturising, start. If you ever shave and notice spots, try and shave around the area as to not aggravate it, and get cream for it. If you rash, get some cream for it. The pursuit of being completely hairless is fine and all but I promise you will be a lot happier if you have a SLIGHT bit of hair but healthy skin, rather than horrible skin but no hair.

*You are not attacking your hair, you're getting rid of it*

Be gentle. I know it can be hard with dysphoria, and you sometimes can feel like you want to rip the entire top layer of your skin off, but if you go slow and steady you will get a better cut that will last longer. Ideally you want to aim for a routine that lets you shave each part of the body *before* it becomes a dysphoria problem to avoid this specifically.

## Razors

Razors are the most obvious method of hair removal, they are the Swiss Army knife of shaving, and what you'll use for the vast majority of your body. Choosing razors that are both affordable and good for your skin can take a while, but cheaping out can be seriously bad depending on the brand.

When looking for razors, much to most transfem's distaste I recommend steering clear of women's razors unless you're on E, they just aren't often heavy duty enough, and there *is* a difference: the men's razors tend to have more blades, I've very rarely seen women's quad blade razors. You want to be going for quad-blade; they'll give a much better cut without having to repeatedly go over the same skin over and over.

I have used a variety of different ones over the years, but disposables are what I have found works *for me*. If you want an electric razor, go for it, it will probably save you money in the long run.

You're also going to *need* foam or gel. **THIS IS NOT AN OPTIONAL PART OF SHAVING WITH A RAZOR**. You will fuck up your skin if you do not use one or the other, and a little goes a long way. Gel generally lasts longer but I've heard the sensation can be weird to some people

Replace your blades when they go blunt, you'll get a feel for this eventually yourself, but a good guideline in the beginning is every 2-3 *MAJOR* shaves. "Oh but I don't want to cut myself by using too sharp a blade!", you're more likely to cut yourself on a blunt blade than a sharp one.

### Buying Guide

- Look for Quad Blade razors

- If you want an electric, check how much the heads cost in advance, you're going to be changing the heads often enough that price *absolutely* is a concern

- Avoid BIC like the plague, they might make good pens but they make *horrible* razors

### Usage

This one should be pretty self explanatory but I know no one ever showed me, so I'll explain it anyways, there's no shame if you don't know:

1. Run a tap/shower until you have warm water, just warm, doesn't need to be scalding hot.

2. Get the area you're shaving wet

3. Get out your foam/gel.

1. If you're using foam, get a big scoop in your hand and then apply it to the area. It doesn't need to be too thick, but generally you can't see the hair if you're using foam

2. If you're using gel, you'll be suprised how much mileage you get out of a tiny bit. Just spread it out across the skin until its slick and easy to glide over

4. Run your razor under the tap, then press down (not too hard) on your skin and run it up, do 2-3 passes like this, getting a whole strip of where you've applied your foam/gel, then run it under the tap again to get the excess hair out from between the blades, this will make it last much longer

5. Repeat until you're cleanly shaven!

Don't rapidly run over the same place over and over, it will rash, and there is also a few areas you have to be careful about, which I will mention in the body-part specific portions later.

## Tweezers

Tweezers are a little more specific when it comes to their purpose, but its pretty essential to have these too. They're obviously good at very specific areas of the body, usually places where you typically wouldn't expect or want hair: moles, your nipples, mono-brow etc. However they're also handy for one other specific task: in-grown hairs. The more you shave, the more ingrown hairs are going to become a problem, so have tweezers on hand if you notice any. You might not be able to see them, they often look like little red bumps under the skin, I didn't even know they were ingrown hairs for quite a while. Particular areas to watch for them are on the chest, your pubic hair, and your upper thighs.

### Buying Guide

Tweezers can vary in quality quite a lot, and sometimes you're gonna need different shaped ones based on what you're doing. I would recommend getting a set somewhat like these ones [here](https://www.amazon.co.uk/Smukdoo-Professional-Tweezers-Extension-Multi-Colored/dp/B0998ZQ6F4https://www.amazon.co.uk/Smukdoo-Professional-Tweezers-Extension-Multi-Colored/dp/B0998ZQ6F4). I can't vouch for those specific ones, but that's what you're looking for. You can find them at basically any pharmacy.

### Usage

Once again, should be pretty obvious but I will explain just in case:

- For surface level hairs, simply just grab an appropriate set of tweezers that'll give you a good grip, then pluck from as close to the skin as possible, pulling slowly to avoid just tearing the hair in half.

- For ingrown hairs, sometimes I end up digging below the skin just a *little* with the tweezers in order to hook a thick part of the hair, then pull it out using that. This probably isn't the most safe or sanitary method, so if you're going to do it just make sure the tweezers are clean first. Hook a thick part of the hair, ideally any bits near the surface if possible, then pull gently to get it to unfurl.

## Scissors

Scissors are kind of niche and you're only really gonna use them for one area, and only if you're wanting to simply keep hair *manageable* as opposed to cleanly shaven, and that's your pubic region. Scissors can help clear dense bits of hair that would normally blunt or be ineffective to attack with a razor, but where the other methods (like cream) would be unsafe to use.

### Buying Guide

I have always just used a spare pair of nail scissors, they're small enough that they're quite good for that task. Just make sure you keep them separate from your...actual nail scissors. You can again find these at most pharmacies.

### Usage

*PLEASE be extra careful putting sharp objects anywhere near your crotch*. Do not cut too close to the skin to help mitigate some risk, and I'd really only recommend doing this if you haven't trimmed your bush in months and need a full on weed-whacker to get started. Trim it down to a level where you could use a razor, then immediately switch over to using that, it's much safer and easier to get a cleaner shave.

## Epillators

Full transparency, I *cannot* use an epillator. I own one, and desperately tried to use it for a few weeks, but it was completely unmanageable with my high sensitivity to touch. However anecdotally I have heard they can be quite good. Compared to a razor, you have to actually do your routine significantly less often (around every 3 weeks for places like the legs), and its much easier to do, taking only around 5 minutes. However it is PAINFUL. After a while either your skin gets used to it, or you just get psychologically used to it, and it becomes less painful. It's up to you if you want to pursue this path since it can be *very* good, especially if you don't want a shaving routine of about an hour like my biweekly one is.

### Buying Guide

(Will put the brand of my epillator if i ever find it)

### Usage

This one is pretty simple, but its all in the care afterwards. You're gonna irritate your skin quite a lot doing it, and it can be helpful to have someone else do it so you can just focus on grimacing through the pain. Just apply the epillator to the skin where you need to shave and run it slowly up until you get all of the hairs. Then apply cream to any particularly sore or red areas.

## Hair Removal Cream

Hair "Removal" Cream is a bit of a misnomer, as it's more like "hair thinning cream". Hair removal cream is a big part of my personal routine, and I find it really good as a time-saver for places that are difficult or nearly impossible to shave, namely the ass. *However*, using hair removal cream can go wrong, I have chemically burnt myself on occasion, not anything particularly severe but it was bad for obvious reasons. It's mostly about knowing your skin and how long you can take, the packet usually says around 6-10 minutes, I go on the upper end of that, but my girlfriend burns if she goes for more than 6.

**NOTE: Basically all hair removal creams explicitly say not to use it on your anal, peri-anal, and genital regions. I use it on my ass and I'm fine, but I'm not sure if I'm the exception. However, DO NOT use it to thin your pubic hair**

### Buying Guide

Get name brands like Nair, I go through a full tube every 2 weeks simply because I use it for both my arms and my ass, but the bigger tubes can last a lot longer. You can get Nair from basically any pharmacy as with all of these things.

### Usage

- Apply the cream in a thick, even layer over the hair, do not rub it in

- Set a timer on your phone for 6-8 minutes (for Nair), when it runs out run a warm shower, and grab a flannel

- Wash the cream off, rubbing with the flannel quite hard. The hair should just flake off in big chunks, and whatever is left will be extremely thin

## Autism Specific Considerations

Before going into specific body parts, here are some autism specific considerations that I think are good to be made aware of beforehand:

- Shaving your legs can completely change the feeling of them, this was quite overwhelming for me the first time, especially when getting into bed

- Nair, Shaving Foam, and Shaving Gel all have very distinct smells that can linger for a while

- Nair can change how your skin feels for an hour or two after, I apply moisturiser to my arms and it usually fixes this feeling

- Epillators can often be sensory hell, I'm someone with way less touch sensitivity than most and I still found it unbearable

## Body Parts

### Face

Face is the one that you will be doing the most often, for me it's a delicate balance of doing it often enough to keep my 5 o'clock shadow at bay, while still not irritating too much. I have settled on twice a day, though I know plenty of people that go anywhere from every 2 days, to every day. Use a razor for more general shaving, then tweezers to catch any specific hairs that may irritate you (I have a few on the underside of my chin)

*Tools:* Razor, Tweezers

*Tips:*

- Moisturiser is literally magic and will make shaving significantly less likely to irritate your skin. Always apply afterwards.

- Having sharp razors is particularly important for your face, a cut is going to be a lot more noticeable and bother you for a lot longer

### Chest

Chests are pretty easy to shave but can be awkward to see in the mirror. I have my girlfriend help me with this nowadays, but when I didn't, i made sure to do this in front of a mirror. Liberally cover with gel/foam from your neck down to your boobs, and between your boobs too to catch that weird spot of hair that appears in the middle. Then just systematically go through it. You likely wont get all of it, but it will be enough to not be visible. Then, pick off any larger hairs from your nipples with a pair of tweezers (it doesn't hurt as much as you think it would)

*Tools:* Razor, Tweezers

### Arms

Arms are REALLY fucking difficult to do on your own, but its workable. Generally unless you're a full on gorilla like me, you can get away with only shaving your lower arms, then only using cream on the upper. This is what I did for years, but recent increases in T have made this no longer enough. You should use hair removal cream to thin out the hair first, then simply go over it with a razor

*Tools:* Razor, Hair Removal Cream

### Armpits

If you want to shave your armpits, use lots of foam or gel since they can be VERY easy to irritate. Other than that they're really simple. If you rash them, E45 cream or similar is good.

*Tools:* Razor

### Crotch/Galls

This is easily the most annoying part to keep cleanly shaven. If you're okay with bush, just own it. Make sure you're shaving enough to keep hygienic (yes, you do have to shave SOMETIMES even if you do want bush) but beyond that it doesn't matter too much. For thicker hair use scissors to get it down to an appropriate length to use a razor. When you shave the balls, stretch the skin taut so you can run the razor along it, make sure you're using plenty of foam/gel.

*Tools:* Scissors, Razor

### Ass

The ass is a tricky one unless you are willing to ignore the warnings on the packet of your Nair and just do it. If so it's easy! You can get enough off on the inside to comfortably not have to worry about bum fluff, and if you want a closer shave then just get a razor up there, one leg up on something high (like the toilet seat) and legs slightly spread. **DO NOT LET YOUR NAIR STAY ON FOR TOO LONG, CHEMICALLY BURNT ASS FUCKING HURTS**.

*Tools:* Hair Removal Cream, Razor

### Legs

Legs are the most time consuming, but thankfully the easiest, though it kind of depends on how thick you are. If you're like me and have big thighs, shaving the upper portions can take a while. Just take it slow, and do it in order, bottom half of both legs first, then the top half. In my experience the thigh hair doesn't grow back as thick or as quickly as the lower legs, and since I mostly wear long skirts I rarely bother to shave too rigorously up there. This will always be the most time consuming part of your shaving routine, and you can sometimes feel a bit queasy from being in the weird positions that shaving there requires for so long, so *be slow*.

*Tools:* Razor

## How I Structure My Shaving

Having a routine can help a lot for staying on top of dysphoria, and you can kinda take two approaches based off of how quickly your hair is growing back. Either:

- Shave daily for around 10 minutes before and during a shower

- Shave every 2 weeks for about an hour, dealing with the faster growing hair in the meantime

For me, I find it quite hard to commit to daily shaving, so I do my shaving routine as follows:

- Shave my face twice a day, once in the morning, once in the evening

- Shave my chest once a week

- Shave everything else every two weeks

If you're doing it just to present a relatively hairless appearance, this will be enough, but sometimes dysphoria can be a bitch, so you may want to do it more often *for yourself*.

I hate facial hair and body hair :(

[cellophaine]

Chapter I: En Avant

Masterlist

Pairing: Matt Murdock x F!Reader

Warnings: Fluff.

Word Count: 5.2k

Author's Note: The first chapter is finally here!! I'm very excited to bring this new series to you. It's what I've been thinking about for a few months now. It came to me while I was still working on A Languor Spell, and now I can give it my full attention. Thank you for your patience! I hope you will enjoy the first chapter!

P/S: This is my first time writing in present tense, so if there's any mistake please let me know so I can fix it!

Disclaimer: I'm not a professional ballet dancer. I'm an adult beginner, and I've been taking classes consistently for over a year now. I just want to say that the series isn't written with the experience of a professional ballerina, but with my love for the art and the extensive research that I've done and will continue to do. I don't choose to write the Reader as a ballerina because of the aesthetic, but because I think there are so many things to explore in the original story that I've come up with, with the Reader being in the industry.

GIF Source: @/petertingle-yipyip

There has always been an emptiness residing within the frame of your body. In the absence of your old life, it has grown expeditiously. It carves into your body and makes a home in the forefront of your mind. On worse days, you feel as if anyone can see at first glance, how incomplete of a person you are. On better days, like today, you can hide it well, even from your closest friend. But right now, sitting in a dimly lit bar across from the friend you have known since you moved to this city at 18, you feel the person you're supposed to be has taken your anatomy apart. You're disembodied, scattered, and fractional.

Jo notices your silence and reaches over the table, laying her hand atop yours.

“Have you thought about my offer?”

Jo’s proposal. How can you not think about it? It has never left your mind ever since she mentioned it. Her newly acquired gym could be a place for you to get back to dancing in complete privacy. And you won’t have to pay a dime.

“I spruced up the place a little bit and will be adding more equipment. I can get whatever you need so it can be a proper space for you to practice.”

“I appreciate your concern, but I don’t know if I’m ready.”

Jo casts a sympathetic look at you, her voice careful.

“How’s your foot?”

You flex and point the right foot under the table, recalling the phantom pain that was your consistent companion for the most part of last year.

“It’s not that bad.”

“Are you still seeing Amy?”

“Of course. She’d bite my head off if I missed our appointment.”

You share a knowing chuckle, knowing Amy's personality. You know her through Jo, and they dated briefly in college. The two stayed friends afterward. After leaving Lady Liberty Ballet Theatre, your physical health was left to your own management. Your gaps of knowledge were filled in by Amy, a physical therapist who stepped in and offered her help voluntarily when Jo mentioned your situation. You still meet biweekly at her practice in Harlem, and the three of you hang out from time to time.

“Come to my gym.”

She hastily continues once she sees the decline perches on your pressed lips.

“It’s free.”

“I don’t want to be a bother. You’ll have to get a barre, and the flooring might not be suitable–“

“I don’t care about the cost. I just want to do this for you. Let someone do a nice thing for you every once in a while.”

You meet her eyes, resisting her act of kindness with silence. You know how to pick your battles, and this is the one you have lost from the start, judging by Jo's stern gaze. You sigh.

“I’ll think about it.”

A victory smile graces her lips.

“That’s all I’m asking.”

Jo leans into the table, her hand reaching for yours.

“I want to see you dance on the stage again. You’re a beautiful ballerina, and I know this is not the end for you.”

You know she means well, but her words feel like claws, sinking their sharp ends into your heart. You haven't danced since the injury, and a part of you knows that you might never dance as well as you once did. The best version of you had lived that life to its fullest potential, the life of endless classes and rehearsals, soldout shows, ending many nights and seasons to the deafening cheers from the audience. Your current self is only a shadow, living a partial existence and mourning the past as time passes and your grasp on it weakens.

You want the endless optimism Jo seems to possess. She’s always so assertive in everything she does. From her university days pursuing a bachelor's degree in sports science to her boxing competition days to buying a gym, she has a sense of self-assurance that carries her throughout the years you've known her ever since you became roommates when you first moved to New York. And you admire that about her endlessly. Her goals might vary, but her passion for them never wavers. Her faith in you seems to share the same sentiment.

You swallow the lump in your throat and nod, hoping your face doesn't betray your true thoughts. Jo squeezes your hand and lets go. She checks her wristwatch, and with a silent glance, you understand that she has to leave. Jo meets you as you stand up from your side of the booth, drawing you into a crushing hug.

“Will you be okay here?”

She pulls back. You smile and pat her shoulder.

“I’ll be fine. Just want to finish my drink.”

She takes a step backward as she waves.

“Good luck tomorrow!”

You raise your hand in response and watch her tall and brawny frame vanish through the door. You drop your arm, but you don't sit down. Taking a discreet glance at the bar, your heart rate spikes ever so slightly at the sight of the stranger you noticed earlier when you bought the drinks.

As you waited for your drinks, he came in and settled for a spot at the bar. The lady whose name you learned earlier, Josie, greeted him, asking where his friends were, so you assumed he was a regular. He was good-looking, you admitted before finding yourself staring at him. You averted your gaze, but couldn't help taking in other details. The folded cane rested on the bar top as Josie slid a glass of amber liquid in front of him. The scarred knuckles as he brought it to his lush lips. The suit was pristine for the most part except for the minimal wrinkles from the day's wear and the loosened tie. The red-tinted glasses perched on his pronounced nose, under the tousled sweep of dark hair. The soft smile brightened his handsome face as the other bartender told him something, which you had to tear your eyes away from when Josie placed the drinks in front of you. You thanked her and headed back to your table, feeling a touch of disappointment in your throat.

There is no denying that you want to approach him. But your nerves intervene with all the questions. What if he rejected you? What if he thought you were a creep for approaching him? What if he just wanted to be left alone? He has been sitting by the bar by himself ever since he came in, you notice. You'd ask if you could join him, and possibly buy him a drink if he was up for it. If he said no, that'd be fine. You would respect his wish and leave him alone. You have a feeling you'd regret it if you didn't at least try.

You gulp down your drink for a little liquid courage and make your way over to the bar. Your heart rate accelerates the closer you get to him, but you are determined to get over the little hurdle. You stop within a conversational distance and use your best composed voice.

“Hey, may I join you?”

He turns in his seat and gives you a friendly smile.

“Of course not. Please do.”

The high chair is a comfortable and respectful distance away from his, but still close enough for a private conversation. The stranger has angled his body toward you, and his openness eases the knot in your stomach. At this distance, you can see that he is even more handsome up close. Heat seeps into your cheeks at the full comprehension of his handsomeness up close. The neon signs around help shape the shadows and highlights that are already there in his features. The strong jawline and defined nose blend in harmony with the soft hair and luscious lips. You find yourself unable to tear your eyes away from his moving lips, and only a brief moment later you realize he has asked for your name.

You tell him and laugh nervously, blaming the lively ambience around you. He humours you with a chuckle of his own and reciprocates.

"Matt. Nice to meet you."

“Nice to meet you.”

He reaches out with a hand, and you grab it. Your heart beats a little faster at the feel of his hand, warm and a little rough. You pull away first, conscious of the coldness of your hand. You eye his almost empty glass.

“Would you like another drink?”

“If that makes you stay with me for the rest of the evening, I’d love one.”

Charming. You allow an amused and breathy chuckle to escape, and order another fill of your drinks. When Josie turns away to make them, Matt asks.

“What are we celebrating tonight?”

You think about it for a moment.

“This is not really a celebration since I haven’t gotten the job yet.”

“When is the interview?”

“It's … tomorrow.”

His brows raise above the glasses.

“Are you nervous?”

“A little bit. It’s been a while since my last normal job.”

“What were you doing before?”

Josie puts down the drinks in front of you.

“I’m a– I was a ballerina.”

“Was?”

You run a finger over the cool and smooth edge of the glass, taking a moment to tell a stranger about one of your worst shame.

“I haven’t danced professionally in over a year."

“May I ask why?"

The edge of his lips settles into a neutral line. No pity, just a willingness to listen. It is exactly what you need.

“Yes, but it's just … complicated.”

“How so?”

The old life that you once lived feels so out of your grasp now. Besides the occasional flareups, most mornings, you get up with minimal or no degree of soreness or pain, and you fear that signals the end of your life as a ballerina.

Retirement in your late twenties wasn't something you thought of when you were 18, fresh out of high school with an offer letter from Lady Liberty Ballet Theatre. Moving from a small, sylvan town to a big, lively city like New York was a dream come true. You got to live out the life your younger self used to dream about. How wonderful it was. Dancing on the big stage before the bright stage lights in front of the audience. The early classes, late stage calls, costume fittings, and demanding rehearsals leading up to the shows were all worth it. Because when you got to dance, it was just you and the music. Your body knew the techniques, learned the steps and how to master them. You bent music with your carefully crafted movements and turned the piece into your own interpretation. You worked hard on your craft and artistic abilities, and you thought that it paid off with your promotion from corps de ballet to the first soloist assembly after six years.

But for Matt's sake, you don't go into any of that.

“Well … at my old company, the group of highest rank dancers is smaller compared to other companies. It’s a great honour and a big deal to be promoted to principal. Christine was one of them, and she decided to retire. The head artistic director wanted to appoint a first soloist, which is just a step below principal, to take over in her place. I was a soloist, and I thought it was my opportunity since I've been with the company for the longest out of everyone in the group. I also understudied for Christine in many productions, on top of the roles I had to prepare and perform. I pushed myself really hard that season to prove that I could do it. I was in and out of classes, rehearsals, and performances every day for over three months. On the days we had two shows a day, oftentimes I'd have to perform in both so Christine could have a break."

Matt listens intently, following your words with an attentiveness that you find endearing.

“In the final week of Sleeping Beauty, I had this pain along my heel. But I ignored it and pushed through out of fear that they would dismiss me. At that point, they already had a favourite. One of the directors even told me that I should quit while I was ahead and that I should be happy staying as a soloist."

You swallow the lump in your throat and go on.

"I couldn't take my bow that night, because as soon as my part was done and I went behind the stage, I passed out. It turned out I got an Achilles rupture.

“I had the surgery and was in a boot for a while. I was so desperate to show them my dedication and how good I was by going back to the studio just the day after they allowed me to go without the boot. And I made the injury worse. I was admitted for a partial rupture a week later.”

You thought you could do it. Bearing and hiding the pain so you would stand out as the best selection for the new principal dancer. Yet, all of that hard work didn’t matter in the end. It never mattered the moment Claudia Mavis signed a contract with Lady Liberty.

“In the hospital, the head director told me that they would go with Claudia, even though by that point she had been with the company for only one season. One of the people that I was closed with told me that Claudia left her previous company because they wouldn’t promote her. During a physical therapy session, Claudia told me that they offered her the new contract two weeks before my accident. So I never had the chance in the first place.”

You take a long sip of your drink after the story.

"That is very unfair to you. You deserve more than what they gave you."

You shrug.

“Well, it happened. I have learned to accept it a while ago.”

The hurt is still there, albeit more dull. While you want to blame your departure on the circumstances, you know a part of it is for you to bear as well. Matt becomes thoughtful, and you can see the way he considers his question.

“Do you miss it?”

“I … do. Not the toxic culture, but the dancing itself. It’s like a kind of language that I was fluent in. A form of self-expression that I could indulge in.”

“I’m sure when you come back to it, you will still be amazing.”

You don't even try to hide the disbelieving and playful scoff that escapes.

“You're just flattering me.”

There's not a trace of that cocky confidence of a man who thinks he just scores big with a woman because of a throwaway, vague statement he thinks will please her.

“I mean it. I enjoy music and dance performances in a way most can’t. When I really pay attention, I can hear … movements. The rhythm of someone’s feet striking the ground in time with the music when done right is beautiful. The way you talk about ballet shows me how much you truly care for the art. Like you live and breathe it.”

You tug on your bottom lip with your teeth in quiet contemplation before answering him.

“I did. It was a big part of my life.”

“It still can be.”

You let out a noncommittal hum.

"We'll see."

You took sips of your respective drinks, allowing the moment to reset itself. But Matt isn't quite done with the questions. You give him the go-ahead.

"Why ballet?"

“I just love the duality of it. We're supposed to look graceful and effortless while our blisters have blisters, our toes are bleeding, our legs are cramping. We have to dance through all of that and much worse. I like the pain sometimes. It means that I’m doing it right.”

“I didn’t peg you for a masochist.”

The quip takes you by surprise, but you quickly recover.

"Huh. I usually don't reveal that information to anyone until I'm ready to sleep with them."

Matt's tongue licks at his bottom lip, amused by your response.

"Maybe we are just that compatible."

Maybe it is the alcohol that makes you a little lightheaded, but the conversation has taken on a flirty turn, and you lean into each other's space, sharing a bashful, quiet laugh.

The person who took the seat next to yours when you were in the middle of your story bumps into you from behind, pushing you further into Matt's space. They apologize, and you tell them it's fine. The bar top has grown a little more crowded with new visitors. You think about what you could do to make some space when Matt reaches out and pulls your chair closer, so close that your knees touch. The contact is minimal, yet insistent, and you can't help the heat that races to your skin and the wild rhythms of your heart. Even your internal self admits that was the hottest thing Matt has done so far.

You clear your thoughts, focusing on the man sitting so much closer to you now.

“I'm so sorry. I feel like I've been talking about myself for the past hour.”

“No, don't stop. I like it. You have a beautiful voice.”

If he kept this going, you would need to check yourself for a fever. You clear your throat.

“So, what do you do?”

“I’m a lawyer. My partners and I have our own practice here in Hell's Kitchen.”

“Wow, that's amazing. What do you specialize in?”

“A little bit of everything. We started out representing people who can’t afford the legal service. Pro bono work basically. We still do that, but we have been getting more clients who can pay for our services.”

“Hm. It makes perfect sense. I can see that about you. The good guy.”

“Care to elaborate?”

“You know the right questions to ask. You got me talking about myself for … way too long. And your face …”

You trail off. Almost two drinks have worked their magic on your unabashed honesty.

“My face?”

His plush lips lift in a curious smile.

“Yeah, your face. You made me feel … safe and welcome so I could tell my story. Your face stayed neutral when I went on and on about it. No pity or judgment. You looked like you really cared about me, or my case.”

“I do care about you. And for the record, I appreciate every detail you gave me.”

You know that he might say this just to please you, but his earnestness says otherwise.

“Thank you. I needed that. Not many people care about me, especially after my fallout with the company.”

“It wasn’t your fault. It never was.”

Matt puts a hand on yours on the bar top. You stared at his scarred knuckles, your heart beating along the seam of your body with a slight increase in rhythm. Your hand itched to weave itself into his, to lay flat against the warmth of his palm. As if your body has thrown caution to the wind and wants to do just exactly what it wants to, your pointer finger moves involuntarily. He pulls his hand back, an apology on his lips.

“I’m sorry–“

“No, don’t.”

You reach out with the other hand and keep Matt there. You run your thumb over his knuckles as if to soothe him, to tell him that this is okay. You want this. The additional contact exhilarates you, as you haven't felt another’s touch that isn't from Jo or Amy in a long time. Dating has always been the last thing on your mind, especially in the past year. But right here, right now, being with Matt is easy. There is no pressure. No hindrance. Even though you've met only for two hours, Matt has listened to you. He takes a soft and shaky breath, and your eyes follow the way his chest slightly expands.

Your pointer finger traces the raised edges of his scars, and he lets you. The air seems to thin as your pulse drums a frantic beat under your skin.

“Do you beat people up in your client’s honour?”

“Only those who deserve it.”

You chuckle, and you lean into him as if you can't help yourself. The world has gone quiet around you, and the only thing left on your mind is to have his lips on yours. Your voice is only a breath above a whisper, and you're afraid Matt might miss it entirely amongst the loud voices of others.

“Can I kiss you?’’

He releases a sharp exhale as if he has been waiting for you to utter those words all evening.

“Please.”

You lean in, carefully, slowly. His lips slightly part in an open invitation, and you meet in the middle. The touch is gentle, soft tissues overlap in slow, indulgent caresses. Simple, yet it invokes a craving in you. The need for him to be even closer, the yearning to find out the taste of him. Matt touches your jaw, and draws you in closer, deepening the kiss, and you let yourself go. Eager, perching on the territory of desperation as the pressure on your lips grows more insistently. You're entangled in an exhilarating chase, circling around each other like you simply can't resist the pull that's been there since the moment you sat down. Matt silently asks for entry at the seam of your lips, and you respond in kind. His tongue strokes yours and suddenly, there is a new kind of invisible vapour that you're breathing in. It's overwhelming, yet not enough at the same time. You can taste the bitterness of the whisky that makes you wince on normal occasions, but on Matt's tongue, it's addictive and inexplicably irresistible. His air runs wild in your lungs, warming your body from the inside, awakening your nerves.

You break away at the sound of a teasing whistle clearly directed at you, reminding you of where you are. Matt’s face is flushed red, and you want to see how far down the colour goes under the suit and tie he's wearing. His hand is still on your jaw, gently caressing the line like he doesn't want to let go. And you don't want to let him go either.

“Can we go back to your place?”

The question rolls off your tongue, and he nods immediately, a little breathlessly. You stand up from your chairs at the same time. Matt reaches for his coat that is on the back of the chair. You shrug your own on and avert your gaze when Matt subtly adjusts his slacks. You put the bills down for your drinks, shutting Matt down when he objects to the idea. His hand find yours when you offer it to him, and you walk into the brisk air together.

The walk back didn't take too long. Matt held your hand the whole time, and the small gesture made your insides flutter. He lets you go when you reach his apartment. The unit number 6A has almost faded into the dark door. He unlocks the door and tells you where the light switch is. You turn it on, and place your coat in his awaiting palm. You follow him further into the apartment and take in the space.

“Who did you kill to get this place?”

Matt chuckles, discarding his tie with one hand.

“No killing involved. The neon sign out there is enough to chase people away.”

Your gaze falls on the giant, blinking advertisement outside the window.

“Nothing a few blackout curtains won't fix.”

He drapes the black tie on the back of the couch as you turn to the other side of the apartment.

“Do those stairs lead to the rooftop?”

“Yes, they do.”

You keep your back to him.

"Do you go up there often?"

"From time to time."

"This is … wow."

You're not sure why you're stalling. You pretend to look around as you try to brush off a nagging feeling that has settled in the pit of your stomach. Just the nerves, you think. You're out of practice, that's all.

So you clear your throat and say.

“Is your bedroom behind that bigger sliding door?”

He nods. You feel a little out of place, so you gravitate towards him, a familiar presence in a strange space. Matt lets you come to him, giving you all the control. You lean in and attach your lips to his, allowing it to follow the natural progression as it did back at Josie's. Your legs tangle and stumble towards the bedroom, your lips never too far away from one another. You think you might hit the closed door, but before that can happen, Matt pulls you flush against his body with one hand and uses the other to slide the door open in one smooth, practiced move. You pull away when you need to catch your breath.

“May I …”

You touch the side of his glasses. After a quiet moment, he gives you permission to take them, and you do. Slowly, and with the utmost care you can manage, you set them on the bedside table. His eyes are closed when you straighten. You caress his cheek, feeling the way his features form together. Your touch is soothing, and you hope he can feel the patience you offer to him. There is no rush, no pressure. After a long moment, Matt opens his eyes, and you take them in. You can see how he tries to meet your eyes in his own way. The shade of hazel is shrouded by the low light and the occasional shutter of his eyelids.

“Your eyes are beautiful.”

You raise slightly on your tiptoes and kiss his eyelids, feeling his lashes fluttering softly. He waits for you to return to him, and seeks out your lips in a delicate manner.

You fall onto the bed together. Matt braces himself on his forearms so he doesn't crush you. You pull his head down to yours, kissing and nibbling on the stretch of stubble along his jaw. His soft groans of approval encourage the other hand to travel downward, pulling on the white dress shirt. Once it's free from the slacks, you weave your hand inside and run your palm along the expanse of his torso. The dips and raises of his well-defined abs are warm under your palm, and the sensation stokes the molten liquid that's nestling deep inside you. You feel the feverish need edging over that part of you that you want to ignore.

The gradual pullback doesn't feel like a rejection at first, but merely an invitation to follow. So you do, your hands work to unbutton his shirt. But Matt slows you down to a stop, holding your hands to his lips and placing kisses on your palms. You blink, still snarled in the haze.

“What’s wrong?”

“Are you sure you want to do this?”

Confronted. The only word that can describe accurately how you're feeling.

“What makes you say that?”

“Your heart …”

His hand trails from your collarbone to your chest where your heart resides within in a way that feels strangely intimate and not at all invasive. You hadn’t realized how fast your heart was beating. It's pounding. You are more nervous about this than you thought.

“… is beating quite fast. Are you nervous?”

You're safe. It's an innate feeling, and while you can't explain it, you know lying to Matt serves no purpose here. He seems to have a way to read you without using his sight.

“Yes, a little bit. I haven’t done this before. Sleeping with a stranger, I mean.”

“I see. We don’t have to do this.”

You raise yourself on your elbows.

“No, I wanted to go back here, with you. I want this.”

“But it doesn’t mean you owe me anything. If you change your mind for whatever reason, I'm okay with that as well."

Matt presses a kiss to your forehead.

"We can always try this again at another time.”

Guilt claws at you, urging you to do anything to please him.

“I’m sorry. I gave you the wrong signal.”

“Don’t. You have nothing to apologize for.”

He tries to find your hand, and you offer it to him. He gives you a reassuring squeeze.

“I had a good time with a beautiful woman, then I got to kiss her, all in one night, and that's enough.”

You guffaw, throwing your head back at the blatant flirt.

“You don’t even know how I look like.”

“No, I don’t. But I have my own way to tell. You sound beautiful.”

An idea materializes in your mind, and you give in to it. You bring his hand to your face, trailing along the side of your face. He gets the hint and begins his own exploration of your features. The way he takes his time, following the slopes of your face, his touch gentle, ghosting over your skin. He stops at your lips and soothes his thumb over the kiss-swollen flesh. You sigh softly. He gives you one last kiss, his tenderness makes your heart soar.

“Would you like something comfortable to sleep in?”

“I'm fine with anything you have.”

Matt finds his closet and pulls out a grey sweatshirt. He tells you where the bathroom is, and you take the folded shirt with you. You clean yourself up with water before stripping down to your underwear. You put the soft material over your body. It smells like him, and soft, just like him. You come out of the washroom and see his bare back for a split second before he pulls the shirt down. He has changed into a pair of grey sweatpants and a black shirt that hugs his chest and biceps beautifully.

You stand by his bed, not sure where you can come in despite the two of you ruffling the sheets not even ten minutes ago. Matt chooses for you, settling on the space facing the window, leaving you the side which is closer to the sliding door. His sheets are silky soft, and you feel yourself sinking right into them. You turn to face Matt, touching his shoulder. He faces you fully, his eyes settling on a point on the lower part of your face.

“Thank you.”

You whisper.

“Thank me by staying for breakfast.”

“Why breakfast?”

“I can't send you off to your interview on an empty stomach, can I? It's the least I can do.”

A rueful smile graces your lips.

“I can’t wait.”

You fell asleep with ease. At one point during the night, you could feel Matt detach himself from you, and out of a vague desperation that you couldn't process, you held tighter onto him involuntarily. At that, he stopped moving, and you felt a soothing pattern trailing over your head, luring you back to sleep again. His warmth carried you through the few hours that you slept.

It's a little past 4 AM when you wake, and find Matt still sleeping peacefully. Torn, but you come to accept that leaving is for the best. You get out of bed gently, thankful that the wooden floor didn't make a noise. You take his sweatshirt off and fold it, putting it on top of the pillow that you slept on. After putting on the clothes from the night before, you leave with much regret in your heart.

Likes, reblogs, and comments are greatly appreciated! I'd love to read your thoughts on the story!

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[pudding-parade]

I was contemplating re-installing Reshade, but frankly I've never been able to get it to do what I want because I just don't understand what shaders do or how to manipulate them, and people who share presets tend to have vastly different preference than I have. It occurred to me, though, that maybe I could fiddle with lighting mods instead to get the job done. So, taking some inspiration from @rollo-rolls and her recent mashing-together of lighting mods, I decided to do some mashing of my own to see what I could come up with.

The above is what I've come up with, so far. No Reshade, no Photoshop (not even a contrast adjustment), just my "naked" game, which does involve NVIDIA profile settings for antialiasing and such as well as graphics rules for higher-def textures and shadows.

It's a mish-mash of:

1) My favorite lighting mod, Burntwaffles's Dream Dimension, which I (mostly) love in general, but it can be a little "shallow" and washed-out sometimes, and it does sometimes create harsh and overly-dark shadows, especially on covered porches and on sims in outdoor lighting.

2) Some adjusted values from @boringbones's lighting mod, which I generally like because it adds a very nice depth, but overall it's a little too contrast-y and the shadows are a bit too dark and hard-edged for my personal likings, while other things are too bright/saturated for my likings.

3) A half-assed lighting mod that I made for personal use years ago, which borrowed Dream Dimension's color ramps, but I desaturated them a little bit here and there. Those are the ramps in this mod.

Additionally, the clouds, sun halo, and stars in my game are provided by @wasset-aseskara's separate "Enchanted Environment" mod, the images of which I've also edited to my likings quite a bit over the years. I didn't do anything to CAS lighting because 1) I don't care enough, and 2) I'm very happy with @simbouquet's CAS lighting.

Anyway, I'm liking it so far. It's (mostly) gotten rid of the harsh shadows on sims, especially on their faces outdoors, and reduced (but alas not eliminated) the weird darkness in some places (like ceilings) with over-brightness in others (like some walls) that naturally-daylit interiors tend to have, even with edited/fixed window lighting. But, I've yet to look at it during anything but a sunny day, so we'll see what it looks like on cloudier days and at night. That's today's project.

I didn't take any "before" pictures because I really hadn't planned on spending hours messing around with this, but here is a couple of houses back when I put them in this world, with an untweaked Dream Dimension lighting mod in place, and then with my frankensteined thing:

(With the caveat that "before" was with my old video card, GTX1050Ti vs. the RTX4060 I have now. Otherwise, the only difference is the lighting mod and the addition of @asabinsims's "Project Renaissance" tree/plant defaults, which I highly recommend if you like a more-realistic look...though I admit that I have plans to desaturate some of the images in them because weird me likes more desaturated colors.)

Anyway, maybe I'll share it if the other weather environments and nighttime end up looking OK, in case there's anyone else out there who has similar weird preferences to mine.

[burningcheese-merchant]

No, Merchant, feel free to complain to your hearts content. I'm certainly much meaner to ugly blue alastoroncelerbillcipherspamton from temu and every last inch of his undeserved popularity. I seethe because as an Ovenbreak player of SEVEN YEARS, none of my faves get remembered in a tweet, let alone merchandise. The dragons, who all took over five years to collectively come out, got a pin set and devsis wiped their asses with them then moved on. I waited over a YEAR for another sugar nova odyssey update to come out because xylitol nova and astronaut are my favorite cookies ever and I'm still fucking waiting 🫠 meanwhile the beasts are getting shat out every 3 months with the most rushed nonsensical recycled plotlines held together with scotch tape because making profit is what really matters here, not competent storytelling. I wouldn't even be this furious if the beasts got equal attention and spotlight but we both know that's not true hahaha 😬 they love to shove their (really badly designed) golden cow in our faces because Smilk was lab engineered to get sexyman tumblr girlies screaming their heads off while not even being 1/4th the interesting character they want you desperately think he is. JUSTICE for burning spice, mystic flour, and everyone else who will get done dirty for this boring walmart Jevil 😒

Oh my gosh 🤣🤣🤣 tell us how you REALLY feel, Anon, let it all out. It's not healthy to bottle up your emotions like that (you might want to stay anonymous though, I don't think either of us want an angry mob at your doorstep lol)

I'm anticipating a ramble (as I am wont to do) so under the cut it goes

Gonna start by saying I DO like Shadow Milk. I really do. It took me a little while for him to grow on me when he first appeared, admittedly (ESPECIALLY his voice...), but I am genuinely fond of the little blue jester man. But he's certainly not my favorite, far from it. That title belongs to Burning Spice and Burning Spice alone lol. The only reason I ever turned the English audio back on (I usually play the game in Japanese, I love hearing my fave anime characters speak lol) was so I could hear that gorgeous baritone of his... Burning Spice is everything to me. I love his design, I love his voice, I love his dialogue, I love his personality, I love him soooooo much. He's my babygirl. If Silent Salt turns out anything like the character I've constructed inside of my head, then he will share the #1 spot with Spice. I'll go ahead and say that right away

I'm upset because, like you said, it feels like he got majorly shafted while Shadow Milk gets all the praise and attention. Mystic Flour as well, poor girl, but I'm focusing on Spice just to drive the point home a bit better. He didn't even get a fucking countdown. What was his little merch thing? That weird ass candle (I thought it was a vase at first lol) and that's it. Furthermore, his story feels the least developed. There was and is SO MUCH that could have been said about him as a person as well as his dynamic/connection with Golden Cheese, that wasn't for whatever reason. Episodes 5 and 6 feel like they're missing something (and you feel what the "something" is in that brief flashback to Spice's past. There's more to what became of him than "I was bored", there HAS to be. Boredom is a symptom, not the cause. I maintain that this theory of mine has merit, and it would've been nice if they dove deeper into it than they did), you know? And I hate it. I hate that Spice is basically the forgotten middle child of the Beasts while Shadow Milk gets all the glory. Seriously, for Shadow Milk:

They changed their YT avatar to him for a while (it has ALWAYS been Gingerbrave, they never changed it once to anyone else all these years). iirc they did this on Twitter too

They dedicate an HOUR LONG commentary video to episode 7 and Shadow Milk (arguably fair, because it WAS the 4th anniversary. But even so. Did they do this for any other Beast? Any other episode? Any other anniversary?)

They give him a costume (a legendary one, at that) plus a set with his Ancient. NO OTHER Beast/Ancient pair has that, and I struggle to imagine they ever will. Do you understand what I would do to have a BS/GC costume set? DO YOU???

They make an exclusive, limited edition plushie (that caused a massive shitstorm iirc, justice for everyone that got fucked over during that and fuck scalpers)

They make a whole ass pop-up store event themed entirely around Shadow Milk and episodes 7 and 8

Why? Because he's the fan favorite lol. He's long since been the golden child of this community, and now we know he's Devsisters' golden child, too. (And they're desperate for money because they're drowning in debt. That's also probably why they released Shadow Milk on the 3rd anniversary: to drum up interest on a milestone anniversary by bringing in a beloved character. Thematically/narratively, Shadow Milk should've been released last. But that's just my opinion.)

Again, I really do like Shadow Milk. I call him "Walmart Bill Cipher" affectionately (and because he genuinely does remind me of Bill. In fact, I think Bill might've inspired SM to some degree). But it's unfortunate that other characters, the other Beasts especially, are pushed aside and ignored just so Shadow Milk can hog all the spotlight. It is with a very intense grimace that I agree that Shadow Milk is a Tumble sexyman. He fits the stereotype to a T. It would serve us all well to accept that truth. He even got added to the Tumblr sexyman wiki before it turned to flour lol. Burning Spice is... NOT a Tumblr sexyman. He is a regular old hunk. Tumblr was never in the business of liking big, beefy hunks, at least not the Tumblr I knew 10 years ago lol.

I'm also, to reference it again, just really disappointed that so little was and is done to explore the other Beast/Ancient pairs - and the fandom is guilty of this, too (not to knock the PV/SM anaylses at all! They're all fantastic and I genuinely do understand and love the deep, complex connection between them!). To go back to BS and GC, because they're my lifeblood (not just for shipping reasons I swear)... it's particularly egregious to me that THEIR dynamic wasn't given the attention and detail it deserves. They are LIFE AND DEATH, the very foundation of the world itself, things I (personally) consider significantly more important than truth and deceit because it is from life and death that all else springs forth. Truth and deceit are things you actively look for; life (abundance) and death (destruction) are just there, everywhere you look, even within yourself. You can close your eyes, ears, heart to the truth and you can learn to shun, decipher, defend against deceit; there is no escape from life nor death. None whatsoever. And so much can be done with that. So much can be done with them. Burning Spice and Golden Cheese need each other in the exact same way that Shadow Milk and Pure Vanilla need each other. They parallel each other quite a bit, too. They're so similar and so different. They could have and SHOULD HAVE had so much to say to and about each other, like what Shadow Milk and Pure Vanilla have. But that didn't happen. Didn't happen with Dark Cacao and Mystic Flour, either. All of that love and care and philosophical exploration goes to the clown and the Jesus Christ allegory. Which is FINE, I'm not saying to leave those two hanging, just... show some of that love to the beefcake and the bird, too. And Korean Batman (Cacao reminds me of Batman, I'm sorry 🤣) and Ms. Angel of Death, too. Please, man. Truth and Deceit aren't the only dichotomy that matters and is worthy of thought and discussion

(and oh my God, dude. The Ovenbreak shit. I've been playing for as long as you, and that shit is diabolical at this point. We get ONE dragon update a year, and they always leave us on the most painful cliffhanger of all time each time. (And this last one... I have many issues, but the most glaring one of all: WHERE THE FUCK IS FIRE SPIRIT??? WHY ISN'T HE IN THE STORY??? HE IS INTRINSICALLY LINKED TO PITAYA DRAGON! THEY HAVE AN UNBREAKABLE BOND BECAUSE OF THEIR DEAL THAT GRANTED HIM SOME OF PITAYA'S POWER AND SAVED HIS LIFE! HE SHOULD BE AN INTEGRAL PART OF THIS ARC! HE SHOULD BE AT THE FOREFRONT! IF PITAYA GETS HURT, HE GETS HURT! FIRE SPIRIT'S WELL-BEING IS DIRECTLY TIED TO PITAYA'S AND THE DRAGON'S VALLEY AND BOTH ARE IN SERIOUS JEOPARDY!!! Oh God I can scream about this for so long. I have a similar issue with the Red Dragon arc in CRK, WHY WASN'T FIRE SPIRIT THERE?) I LOVE the dragons, I love their relationship with each other, I love the conflict between them, even the unique bonds/quarrels between specific ones! And their storyline is picked up and dropped over and over again, left to collect dust until they feel like continuing the story. Hell, remember Gingerbrave and co.'s quest to find where that wizard compass is pointing, and to find a place for them to build a peaceful life away from the Witches? Me neither lol. Sea Fairy's great sacrifice with Sugarteara and the cursed pearl? (SF was done SO dirty in Kingdom, she's an actual character in OB and in CRK all she cares about is Moonlight, to the point that she lets an entire civilization fall to ruin because she refuses to do her fucking job) The Xylitol gang... Well, as of writing this, that's the next update... Which will give us another legendary cookie, hardly 3 months after Dreamweaver lol. Fuck Stevia Nova, I already don't give a damn. Give me more Xylitol Nova and Astronaut and that's it

I have a lot more to say (especially about BS and GC, God I could talk about them FOREVER, they're so interesting to me), but I think I've rambled enough lol. All the love for Shadow Milk, truly, but all the love and justice for Burning Spice and the other Beasts and every other character that gets ignored, too

[taxideermied]

Hi hi! Thanks all for the respectful discussion on this topic. I've enjoyed reading the notes and additions very much. I want to say, though, that this will be the last time I plan on discussing this topic on this post because I'm not particularly interested in full-time discourse on my blog, and also because it's becoming a little unwieldy for me personally to deal with a super long post lol. I am making this last addition for the sake of clarity as to my claims for anyone reading my blog, not to necessarily sway anyone's opinion.

With that said, I think some of my points have been missed/misconstrued.

Firstly, my original post was about mindful messaging more than anything. Mainly: if you have an issue with something in the community, don't swing a wide net because you risk hurting those adjecent to your problem. That physical nonhumanity was involved was tangential, but nonetheless that's where we went.

So, secondly, and I hope this is clear, I am not advocating for an anti-science approach to nonhumanity, nor am I advocating for blind faith. I specifically avoided the subject outside of my original post where I said the community at large discusses scientifically unverifiable experiences. I think we are all in agreement that self-perception such as Sundragon's "I feel like a dragon" is not scientifically verifiable, but is still "valid" in this space, so I don't feel the need to elaborate on that point.

Where I think my statements are unclear (and for the record, this is on me for not being as specific as I could have been) is in the issue of claim vs expression of personal experience. I think this in conjunction with "subjective verses objective experience" is a little bit difficult to parse so bare with me.

My sense of the community is that those who experience and discuss physical shifts do so because it is an expression of personal experience, not because it is a claim. This is a part of their nonhumanity for whatever reason they may have. It is not a claim because I have not seen anyone trying to prove their experience to anyone else, merely discuss it and relate to like-minded individuals. This does not mean you don't have to be skeptical, but I do not believe your disbelief means that these members of our community should self-censor or be subject to demands for proof. Someone talking about something they feel on a personal blog is not the same as them putting a thought into the "marketplace of ideas" to be debated and verified. While I don't think anyone in this thread did so directly, I feel like the line of thinking suggested here could encourage "proof demanding" behavior.

So what about the tricky subjective vs objective experience issue? Surely physical shapeshifting is an objective experience. Well, again, I think there's nuance here. Is the shifter in question insisting that the transformation is 100% verifiably happening in the reality experienced by others, so much so it could be captured on camera if only one worked properly in the moment? Or are they asserting that they perceive their own physical shifts? All objective experiences are filtered through a subjective lens because you are a brain that perceives the world through sensory organs. You are not experiencing a 1:1 recreation of the world. As a friend eloquently put it: "None of us experience reality-as-it-is. All of us, even people who don't know what a therian is, have some level of disconnect with objective reality. Our experience of the world is imperfect; talking about those experiences is not a claim about shared-truth, it's a claim about personal-truth." See: the parable of blind men touching an elephant. One person's experience of objective truth is not the disproving of another's, even if it conflicts.

Finally, there's the synthesis of these issues regarding how we shepherd the community from within.

If your issues with physical shifters is with those who claim to shift verifiably in a collective reality and claim this is something that can be taught or who otherwise encourage cult-like mentalities, then vis a vis my first point, say that those are the individuals and/or paradigms you take issue with. Nothing wrong with pointing out harmful practices, but lumping harmful ones in with harmless ones is irresponsible.

If your issues are with all physical nonhumans or those who discuss scientifically unverifiable personal objective experiences in a way that harms no one, then I would suggest, I guess, in the kindest terms, to get over it. What is the other option? As far as I can tell, censorship or other methods of driving these individuals out of the community, and I personally don't feel comfortable taking that route. I don't think we as a community would be better off in doing so.

Okay. I think that is everything. Thank you for bearing with me if you read all this, I appreciate it very much! If anyone is still interested in talking this over with me, shoot me an ask and I'll (maybe) respond. Like I said, not trying to be a discourse blog, so I can only do so much.

If you’re going to assert science in a community full of people discussing their scientifically unverifiable experiences I think you should consider what you’re really trying to say. If you’re not trying to call people liars then there’s probably a better way to go about making your point than enumerating the reasons why you think they’re lying.

[guiltyleisure]

ough, I LOVE your comics! they have this melancholic feel to me that is both very different then the games, but feel RIGHT. like they are the quiet bits you don't see on-screen, in-between the games or past them. if you are ok with me asking, what are your thoughts on the Deluginists and Maligula (and how it connects to Raz family). or you could answer this from another characters POV, if you want

Thank you. And to anyone who has also sent an inbox message, I've seen and read them all. I am very grateful for all the nice comments you have to say about my work.

Psychonauts 2 spoilers under the cut.

I'll be honest. I'm not the biggest Psychonauts 2 lover, especially in it's story. From my posts you can see I mostly focus on characters that appear in the 05 game.

I do include elements and character/story pegs in the things I draw. But the whole general mole/maligula/gristol plot of the 2nd doesn't interest me too much.

That doesn't mean I'm completely disinterested in the concepts laid out. The deluginist idea is interesting. But I feel it gets diluted by Maligula still being alive and the only one we see is Gristol. And I'm not too terribly interested in Malik. I like the concept of Maligula/Lucy but it's a major pet peeve of mine that she ends up being related to Raz. I like him better as some circus kid who got to be an agent. Now he's related to a member of the psychic 7, founders of the Psychonauts agency. And him ever getting the idea to go to camp was was because of Lucy. + many other things the 2nd game effected. It makes Raz so artificially special. And the whole thing is too convoluted for me. Like how you and many others mention, how much you enjoy that my comics are mundane and melancholic. I enjoy a more grounded feel.

Although I'm not all negative about it. I find the idea of Raz and Lucy being mirrors of each other fascinating. It's a character dynamic trope I enjoy a lot. I like the lines they share in the files. And Lucys story in a vacuum is interesting. I've written a comic for Fred Bonaparte after I finished Gloria's. I don't have much to share, but it does mention the Raz being related to such a figure.

My own bias aside. I think there is plenty of interesting potential concerning Raz's origins and family connections. But I'll probably be sticking to the characters I've already been writing for the time being. I apologize for not being as into it as other people are. Though I did enjoy writing this a bit. I don't mind if people ask about more characters.

[billthedrake]

LINEAGE (PART SIX)

We hit a rough patch. I guess it happens in every marriage. Braden and I made sure not to fight in front of the boys, but we were arguing more. Some of the usual stuff, about me being a workaholic and not doing enough parenting duties for our youngest, Evan and Keith. It was like me and my eldest son's earlier dynamic was coming back in a different way.

But behind it all was Brade still wasn't pregnant. He and I had decided to have a fourth son, and it just wasn't taking. We'd come back from our belated honeymoon fucking like bunnies, but after a year, the sexual intensity had faded. We still had sex once a week, but maybe that wasn't enough.

I'd talked to the younger Dr. Fiedler about it, and Todd said that fertility starts to decline in a man's mid-30s. He said he could write a script for some fertility pills, if Braden and I wanted to try them. But I figured I'd hold off on that. I didn't want Braden to feel I was putting pressure on him to conceive. For all we knew, my swimmers weren't doing the job.

Todd Fiedler was the one man who I could unload my problems to and I knew he'd keep them private. I suspect one part of the marital issues was that Braden didn't have a close confidante when it came to incest marriage. And my husband was starting to resent the Saturday tee times with my golf buddy.

Still, I wasn't going to give them up. Junior had taken to golfing, in a big way, and at 14 was pretty damn good. It helped that the Fiedlers had a son Junior's age, Sam, so we became a regular foursome.

"He's gonna beat you today, Bill," Todd said with a grin as he slid his club into the bag. The boys were walking ahead of us.

"Seems that way," I said. "Guess my game is off."

Todd patted my shoulder. He could be flirty with me, in an understated way though Brade and I never fooled around with the Fiedlers like with did with the Connors men. "Maybe. But your son's a natural." He got a playful look in his eye. "Took Adam a lot longer to beat me." Adam is the oldest Fiedler son, just then starting college. "But I'll tell ya, the sex was fuckin incredible that day."

Todd's eyes fixed on me as he dropped that bombshell.

"You mean...?" I asked.

He nodded. "I figure I can tell you and Braden. But yeah, that's developed and it's pretty incredible."

I was trying my best not to get hard in my golf shorts, but it was probably going to be a losing battle. "Jesus, Todd... we're gonna have to talk more about this."

He smiled. "You got it. Dad and I still have to pinch ourselves that it's happening." I sort of resented we didn't have the time or full privacy for him to share the full story.

We walked along. "I've been meaning to bring this up, Bill... but a friend of mine is doing a study of incest families... it's all confidential... I told him I'd see if you were interested in being part of it, too."

"What kind of study?" I asked. From anyone else the request would have seemed far-fetched but I trusted the Fiedlers.

"Psychology, mostly interviews with me, Dad, and our sons. I'll just say Mark is, um, sympathetic to our kind of families."

I chuckled. "Is that right? It's funny how I spent years thinking Brade and I were the only ones, and gradually we find more sympathetic family men."

"Besides the Connors?" Todd asked.

I had never told him about the Newcombs, the father and son we'd met in the Caribbean. I'd half forgotten about them myself. Only..

"Braden and I met these guys on our honeymoon. We drew them out of their shell a bit.""

"Yeah?" Todd's eyes gleamed. He knew Braden and I were open to playing with the Connors and suspected that was the case here.

I didn't spell it out though. "They kind of freaked out on us, but I just got a LinkedIn message from the dad."

Todd was listening with rapt attention.

"It was all coded, but basically he was thanking me," I continued.

"Seems like we both have some stuff to talk about," Fiedler said. We were now catching up to the where the boys were already setting up their tees on the next hole.

Sam hit a good shot, but Junior's was the incredible drive right down the fairway. Yep, my son was gonna beat me that day, for sure.

***

The next couple of weeks were busy. That's why the news came out of the blue for me.

"Dad... can you come in here?" I heard from the master bathroom one morning. It was a weekend, and I was putting away folded laundry.

"What is is, buddy?" I asked, stepping into the bathroom. Braden was still in his pyjama pants and a worn T-shirt that hugged his ex-Marine muscle body. If we hadn't had sex first thing that morning, I would have been initiating something right then.

He had a nervous look. "Shut the door... " he said softly. "I just have this feeling, call it a daddy's intuition."

I'd barely shut it, when my son pulled down the flannel pants and hauled out his soft dong. He grabbed the stick of the pregnancy test and let his piss stream hit it for a few seconds.

"You mean...?" I asked excitedly.

Braden looked at me with nervous hopefulness. I realized then how much he really wanted this. Wanted to be impregnated with our fourth.

I was getting hard just waiting for the result, and I could see Brade chub up. I stepped up close and placed my hand on his shoulder as we both watched in anticipation. Then, clear as day, a plus appeared on the stick.

"God, Dad..." Braden said. He was 38 years old now, but he had almost the innocent enthusiasm he showed when he was 18.

We kissed. I'd missed this romantic connection, but it was like riding a bike. Braden was the best kisser I'd ever known, and his tongue dancing against my own, sucking me into his mouth before nudging back, was driving me wild.

"I need you inside me, Dad," he hissed. Already he was pushing those pyjama pants down.

"The boys..." I warned. We had to be restrained with even a quickie during these weekends.

"The door's shut," Brade hissed. He was turning away and leaning over the bathroom vanity slightly. Ready to be taken.

The lube was in the bedroom, but I opened the medicine cabinet and found the petroleum jelly, which we'd used a couple of times before. I smeared my breeder cock and got into position.

"Ooff!" Braden grunted at the sudden penetration. Then, "fuck me, Dad." He braced his hands on the sink ledge. "Fuck your son."

"My oldest son," I hissed. While Braden and I had kept up at least some regular sex life, it had been WAY too long since we'd indulged the verbal.

"Oldest of four... now five... oh fuck!"

I was thrusting now, and Braden was opening up for me. Our eyes locked on the mirror. At the vision of me mounting and fucking his newly pregnant muscle body.

"I love fucking breeding you, Brade... knocking you up."

"My hot fucking dad. Fucking stud patriarch."

God, Braden was gonna get me off quick. That and the pregnancy news.

"My hot fucking pregnant son." My hips were piledriving harder. We might not be able to get this hard later in Braden's pregnancy so I felt an urgency to take him like this while I could.

"Gonna keep barefoot and pregnant, Dad?"

Fuck, I was cumming, my hips locking and my dick spurting a heavy load inside Braden. His eyes watched my O face in the mirror as he stroked off to a heavy cum himself.

I gave my son a playful pat to his muscle ass when I withdrew and we kissed softly once more. "If you wanna clean up, Son, I'll go check on the boys."

"Yeah. Thanks, Dad."

"For what?" I laughed.

He laughed back. "For being my father. For giving me another kid. For that fuck. I don't know."

We kissed again then Brade started the shower.

I made myself presentable and went to the family room. There was inevitably the emotional whiplash of going from sex and romance time with Braden back to parenting mode. I had an intuition and sure enough Evan and Keith were fighting over the iPad.

"Dad! Keith is hogging it" The two brothers were just a year and a half apart in age. That meant they could get along famously one minute and be at each other's throat the next.

I had to play stern dad. "I'll take away both your screen time, fellas. Don't think I won't."

Junior's attention was on his phone but even in my peripheral vision I saw him smirk.

***

We did that study. Or at least we started. Fiedler's psychologist friend Mark said it was a long term study, though we could drop out any time. He assured us he'd only ask the boys general questions, whereas Brade and I would each be asked more probing questions.

It felt freeing to talk about my sex life and what incest meant to me in the privacy of his office. I had to hide my boner, but then realized it probably didn't matter.

"Do you feel normal?" the man finally asked me.

I had to think. "I know I'm not the norm," I said. "But deep down, what I have with Brade, our family, feels normal to me."

"What's been the hardest part for you?"

I didn't have to think, I knew right away. "The secrecy. Pretending I'm a coparent rather than Braden's husband."

The shrink wrote in his pad, then set it down. "That should be enough, Bill. I really appreciate you taking the time and opening up about your family."

It was weird being studied this way, but I liked the doctor's nonjudgmental approach. Reading between the lines of what Todd Fiedler told me, I wondered if Mark had an incest history of his own, or if it was something that turned him on. I almost asked.

Braden seemed in a quiet mood when I got home. But we enjoyed family time, watching a movie until it was time for Evan and Keith to go to bed. I'd had to lay down the law about a reasonable bedtime, and I could see Braden amused as I dealt with their pleading to stay up late this time.

But finally they went to brush their teeth and get ready for bed. I checked on them and when I came back, Braden was talking to Junior about starting up high school in a couple of weeks. It was the most animated I'd seen our eldest be in a while.

"I just know homework will get harder," he said.

"You're a good student, Junior," Braden said.

Our son smiled at the compliment. I didn't even have to get on his case, Junior was diligent when it came to school. "I just worry about balancing school and golf, you know?"

Already Junior was anticipating joining the golf team.

"You'll do fine," I said. "It's the dating life which might suffer," I teased.

Junior blushed but tried to be part of the grown-up conversation.

"I guess that's another good thing about high school, huh?" he said.

"It was for your dads," Braden said, leaning into my arm as we sat on the couch. I could tell he was feeling far more relaxed talking about these things with Junior.

Our son took that in and with hesitation asked. "Dad.... Daddy... how did you first start dating?"

Braden looked at me in a "should we tell him?" way.

I figured our son was old enough. I wouldn't give all the details, but I could start.

"Well, your Daddy was attracted to me, and deep down I was attracted to him, but I had to be a father first, you know. But when he was a senior, we let it happen. And pretty quickly, we knew it was serious."

"That's cool," Junior said. "I hope I find someone special like you two have."

"You will," Braden said.

Junior paused. "Dads... I haven't told you, but I'm pretty sure I'm gay."

"Pretty sure?" Braden asked.

Junior chuckled. "Well, completely sure."

I don't know why the news surprised me, but it did. "I'm proud of you, buddy... for realizing who you are. It took me a long time."

"Gosh," Junior said. Then thoughtfully, he added. "You know, I guess I worry what people with think. Having two dads, and if you made me gay."

Braden chimed in. "If your Dad and I cared what people think we wouldn't be happy."

That made Junior smile. He'd been lectured on the need of secrecy and the taboo about incest since he was young. "I guess not."

We made some more talk, mostly general stuff about dating, then Brade and I said it was time for bed.

As my husband and I got ready and stripped down, the conversation weighed heavily on us. "He's gonna be trouble," Braden said.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know," my son replied. "He's a good looking kid... smart, maybe too smart." He snuggled up to me. "I wouldn't be surprised he if ends up a teen father like you."

Maybe it was the warm feel of Braden next to me, but I won't lie, my cock went rigid. Rock hard against my son's softly furred abs. That got a chuckle out of Braden.

"You like that idea," he said.

"Come on, Brade," I objected. It was an idle fantasy, not reality.

Braden didn't press me on, it though. Nor were we amping up to sex quickly. Instead my son kissed me softly. He was in a romancing mood, and I did my best to respond.

"Sorry if I was moody earlier," he said. "It was that interview with Mark."

My protective streak kicked in. "We don't have to participate, Brade," I said.

He nodded. "It's fine... only... did he make the moves on you?"

"No. Why?" Did Mark hit on Brade?

"He and I talked. The dude has SO many daddy issues. Jerks off to pictures of his dad each day. Only goes for guys who are older as a substitute."

"We didn't get personal, not like that," I said. I reflected. "Maybe it's common."

"I'm sure it is," Braden said, relieved. "I'm lucky as hell I have my actual father."

We kissed more intensely then Braden pushed me on my back. "Lie there, Dad," he said and reached over for the lube. "It's been a while since I've ridden that dad cock."

I placed my hands behind my head and grinned. "Pregnancy hormones kicking in?" We'd had sex that morning and usually didn't find time for twice in a day.

Braden smiled. "In a big way, Dad. Maybe that's why I got turned on hearing the doc talk about his father."

"Incest is really hot, isn't it?"

Braden slicked up my hardon and straddled me. "God yes." He settled back into place. I thought back to those homecoming fucks when Brade was in the Marines, coming back on leave, or home from deployment. And after our conversation with Junior, I realized how much Brade and I had almost forgotten about that phase of feeling each other out, trying to decide how much was physical transgression between father and son and how much was true love.

My dick penetrated him. Brade's hands were on my chest, feeling me up as he lowered down. "I love your cock, Dad. So much."

"I love your ass, buddy. Can't ever get enough."

"I wish more people could see us, Dad. See how a father and son mate." He settled further down. Lost in his sexual fantasy but also very much in the moment.

"Like Doug and Eric Newcomb?"

His eyes went wide. "You hear from those guys again?" I'd told Braden about

"From Doug, yeah. He and his boy want to visit sometime."

"God, I want you to fuck me in front of them... with my big pregnant gut..." OK, Brade wasn't kidding about the pregnancy hormones. His voice was getting louder.

I held onto his hips and pumped gently as we got deeper into the sex talk. But this was mostly Brade's fuck, his hips driving it like he wanted. He fucked himself on my dick to a hands-free cum. The very sight pushed me over the edge. The post-fuck kiss was amazing and we took our time to uncouple.

***

The next morning Junior had a knowing look on his face when I came into the kitchen to pour my coffee. We had one of those coffee makers with an automatic time. It took me a second to realize the pot was a little short.

"You drinking coffee?" I asked Junior.

"That's OK, Dad, right?" he asked, a combination of innocence and challenging me. Junior was a good kid but Braden was on to something. He was going to be a challenging teen to raise in his own way.

"Yeah, buddy, it's OK," I said. Pouring my own cup.

"Dad..." Junior said.

"Yeah?"

He stood up from the counter and dropped his voice to a whisper. "No disrespect. But you and Daddy might want to be quieter. I could hear you guys..."

I gulped, while trying not to act like things were out of the normal. Brade and I kept our sex life private, but we never wanted our boys to see anything unhealthy about our relationship. "Sorry, kiddo," I said. Trying to give a conspiratorial smile. "Though I guess you have something to tell that shrink next time."

At least that made Junior laugh. "Don't worry, Dad, I can keep a secret." He passed me and put his mug in the dishwasher. And he walked out to get ready for school.

***

I almost didn't make Braden's obstetrician appointment, and I was five minutes late. Everything seemed routine, until after a few tests when Doc Kennedy called us into his office.

"Braden... Bill... it turns out Braden's carrying twins."

I looked over at my son, who was stunned by the news. I, meanwhile, couldn't hide the big smile. Doc could tell and he chuckled at watching both of us.

"It'll make for a more physically exhausting pregnancy, Braden, but many men bear twins each year and have healthy young babies. Particularly since you're in your 30s still. We'll set up extra appointments to check in, and I'll give you some websites to read."

It was sinking in. "Wow, twins... " The smile was forming on Braden's face as he looked at me.

"Not the news you expected," Dr. Kennedy said with a chuckle.

"No, sir," Brade said.

The doctor explained, "It often happens when men take fertility pills."

"No fertility pills, Doctor," I said. "Just the old fashioned way."

He shrugged. "Like I say, it happens."

Braden and I couldn't wait to get home. I was supposed to go back to the office for a meeting, but I called out instead. My son and I had about forty minutes before we had to go pick up Evan and Keith from school.

"Goddamn, Dad," Braden said, excitement building in his voice as we stepped into the house. "We went right for number five, didn't stop at four sons."

"I'll be my fifth and sixth," I reminded Brade. I adjusted the hardon in my suit trousers.

"Guess I wasn't kidding about the barefoot and pregnant thing."

Brade and I kissed, hard. Our bodies connecting through our clothes, then the impatience as we stripped each other.

"Brade... Sport... I want you to go off the pills."

He didn't get it. "I'm already pregnant dad. Knocked up with twins."

I tugged his arm to guide him back to the bedroom. "I mean, once they're born. I want us to fuck unprotected from here on out... let the chips fall where they may."

"Jesus, Dad!" Brade really liked that idea.

"Your natural womb giving us a son whenever it happens."

"Yes, sir," Brade growled.

I wish I could say we consummated the news with a nice long romantic mating, but it was maybe three hot minutes of missionary sex. Brade's way. Legs wrapped around my waist, us kissing deep. Envisioning the two sons that were gonna grow inside Braden. And the future ones we gonna make.

It was hands-free for Braden, which seemed to happen more and more during his pregnancy, and I was three strokes behind, loading up my son-husband deep.

"I can't believe I'm getting two more grandkids," I said as I lay in the afterglow, stroking Braden's chest. Even those pecs would get full again, and I'd be able to milk feed from my son's bosom.

"Gonna need a bigger SUV, Dad. And we only have one car seat."

I mussed Braden's hair. "I thought I was supposed to be the practical one, Sport."

Braden laughed. "I guess you're rubbing off on me, old man." He leaned up and checked his watch. "Time for pick up duty."

"I got this, Brade," I said, sliding out of bed. I dug into my drawers and found clean underwear and a casual T shirt. "Why don't we go out as a family tonight, to celebrate? We can tell the boys the great news."

[starlost-maniac]

Why Her? - Ch 7

MINORS AND AGELESS BLOGS, DNI

Warnings/genre: SMUT, piv, sexting, Minho is a tease

Pairing: Lee Minho x fem!reader

Masterlist | Series Masterlist | Previous | Next

You're finally back at your apartment, Lee Know is picking you up in an hour. You open the video that he sent you a few hours ago since you weren't able to watch it at the studio.

The video is of him, starting off with him holding his phone as he strokes himself before he sets his phone on the sink so he can use both hands. As he strokes himself, he's letting out soft, quiet groans, your name and kitten slipping from his lips. He turns a bit in the video so you can see the length of his cock as he strokes himself closer to release.

"Fuck..kitten, you're so fucking tight.." he groans in the video. "I'm going to fuck you so hard..need to feel you around me.." he groans low as he cums into his hands after a few minutes, a few expletives slip through. He ended the video after washing his hands. You gently rub your face, trying to get your blush to go away. You and Lee Know have slept together a few more times since that first night, Lee Know still being careful as he didn't want to hurt you.

You walk towards your room, blush not going away, to pack an overnight bag. You get a text from Lee Know saying he's outside. You text back saying you'll be right down as you're still packing your overnight bag. As soon as you're ready, you head down to the car.

"You finally saw the video?" He teases when you get in. You whine softly and mumble something about him teasing you.

"I think you like the consequences when you whine, kitten." He teases again as he drives away from your apartment when you're settled. You just pout which Lee Know smiles at. He reaches over and holds your hand, intertwining your fingers.

It's a quick drive to the apartment he shares with Han. Parking and getting out, he goes to your door and opens it for you, taking your bag and putting it on his shoulder. You smile and thank him, holding his hand as he brings you upstairs and to the apartment. You've been here a few times with the others, so it's not new to you. Once the door is shut, he gently grabs your chin between his thumb and finger. He stares at you for a moment before slotting his lips to yours.

"I've wanted to do this all day." He mumbles against your lips as you wrap your arms around his neck. He pulls back before picking you up and bringing you to his room, kicking the door shut. He drops your bag and puts you on the bed. "Get naked for me kitten. I need you, now." He says as he starts to undress himself.

You quickly strip yourself, your clothes in a pile on the floor somewhere. He's back on you immediately, hands and lips somewhere on your body. He reaches down between your bodies, fingers sliding between your folds, feeling how wet you are for him. He grins and chuckles.

"My kitten is definitely a little wet, isn't she?" He slides a finger inside you and you moan softly. He kisses along your neck with open mouth kisses as he fingers you fast, inserting another finger, getting you ready for him. He takes his fingers out of you and moves himself between your legs. "I need you, Y/n..fuck do I need you.."

You start to wrap your legs around his waist but he stops you, holding your legs open as he pushes inside of you slowly. You gasp and moan at the stretch, head rolling back into the pillow.

"Still so tight for me..such a good kitten." He groans as he slides into you entirely. He holds your legs open as he bottoms out inside you. You can feel him twitching inside you as he sets your feet on his shoulders. He turns his head to kiss the soft skin of your ankle. You look up at him, eyes a little glassy. He gives you a moment before he starts to thrust into you slowly. You let soft moans slip through as your eyes close in pleasure.

He slowly trails his fingertips along your legs, making goosebumps spread across your skin. He leans forward, slowly starting to bend you in half, placing one hand on the bed to support himself as he fucks into you a little harder, watching your face as pleasure washes over you.

"Let me know if you want me to stop, ok kitten?" He thrusts into you a little faster, picking up his pace. You arch as much as you can, moaning louder. His free hand reaches around your thigh to rub your clit. You can feel the pressure in your belly as you're getting closer to release. He kisses you deeply as he grinds into you slow but hard, swallowing the moans you release. You hold onto his arm and the pillows as you arch again and cum hard, your walls clenching around him.

Lee Know groans as he fucks you through your high, still rubbing your clit. You faintly hear his door open and Han swear out before the door shuts. Lee Know lets out a shuddery laugh as he thrusts himself deep inside you as he cums, painting your walls white. He continues to pump his hips into you even after he finishes. He slows down and sits up, carefully unfolding you as he gently lowers your legs, not leaving you yet.

"How are you feeling, kitten?" He leans down to plant a kiss on your sweaty forehead.

"I'm ok." You smile softly, breathing hard. "Was that Han that walked in?" You look up at him, face flushed and pupils blown.

"Yeah," he laughs. "That was Han. I forgot to mention I was going to have you over, so he probably got a good view of us." Your face flushes a bit more and you groan softly. He kisses your forehead again and pumps his hips into you a little more, making you moan out. "Think you have enough in you for one more? I'm still hard."

You stare up at him, surprised. You laugh softly but nod. He ends up fucking you for another two rounds, making you extremely tired afterwards. He kisses you softly.

"I'll go get you some food and water, ok? Just stay right there." He pulls out of you and covers you with his blanket. He tosses on a pair of basketball shorts and a shirt, before padding out of his room, shutting the door behind him. He goes into the kitchen where Han was sitting.

"Hi, hyung. I'm sorry about walking in on you and Y/n." He scratches the back of his head.

"It's ok. I forgot to tell you she was going to be here." Lee Know says, opening the fridge. He grabs a water bottle and some food, quickly warming it in the microwave.

"So, when are you guys going to tell Seungmin?" Han rests his head on his hand, watching the older male.

"Whenever kitten is ready." He looks at Han before looking back at the microwave. "I'm not going to rub it in his face or anything. I really do like her, and I want her comfortable." Han nods, watching as Lee Know grabs the food from the microwave and heads back to his room. Seeing you asleep curled up under his blanket makes his heart swell.

Going over to his bed, he sits on the edge near you. He sets the food on his bedside table. He gently shakes your shoulder, "kitten? I'm sure you're tired, but I need you to drink some water and eat something for me, then I'm going to take you to the bath." He rubs your arm softly as you stir awake. You let out the softest 'mm?' as you wake up. You smile sleepily up at him.

"Need you to eat, kitten." He whispers to you. You whine softly but sit up, the blanket pooling around your waist. "No whining. I don't want to wear you out too much." He chuckles softly. He has you drink some water and eat something. Grabbing a light blanket to cover you with, he takes you to his bathroom, making sure Han doesn't get another preview of you. He gives you a quick bath and cleans you carefully. Bringing you back to bed for a nap after.

——

It's a week before the boys leave for the start of their tour. You're at your apartment with your brother as he's helping you pack. He brought over a large suitcase for you as the one you had wasn't big enough.

"Are you sure I need this much clothing?" You ask him.

"We are going to be in Australia for like, two weeks, so probably." He shrugs, sitting on your bed. You hum as you fold some of your clothes, putting them neatly in the suitcase. Your phone dings and you pull it from your pocket, opening it to see a message and picture from Lee Know.

'I miss you kitten'

[Image]

Opening the picture, it's of him laying in bed, his tanktop rucked up, revealing his lower stomach, his fingertips just under the waistband of his sweatpants. You quickly snap a picture of your brother scrolling his phone with the suitcase in the foreground, sending it to your boyfriend.

'I said I missed you, sweetheart. Not your brother'

'Lol. I sent it to let you know he's here, so be careful what you send'

Lee Know was quiet for a few minutes before sending a reply.

'Misbehave? Got it'

Before you can respond, he sends you a video. Turning your volume down, you open the video. His finger tips are still in the waistband of his pants, but he's moving his hand back and forth under the fabric, slowly pushing his hand further into his pants until he grabs his length. He slowly starts to stroke himself, you watching the fabric move as he does. You're almost positive he's making lewd sounds as he does this.

The camera moves, showing off his room momentarily until the camera flips over, showing him again. He propped his phone up against something so he could use both hands. You looked at your brother quickly, thankful he wasn't watching you, too engrossed in his phone. You turn your attention back to your phone just as Lee Know settled back on his bed, stroking himself under his pants again. He uses his other hand to slowly push his sweats off his hips, pushing them down mid thigh.

He looks at the camera quickly, making a lewd motion with his tongue as he rubs his tip with his thumb. You don't realize that you were pressing your thighs together, thankfully silent, however. He uses his other hand to gently grab his balls, massaging them as he strokes himself, his eyes closing in pleasure as his brows scrunch up. His mouth moves like he's saying your name, his hips bucking up into his hand as he strokes himself faster, giving his balls a gentle squeeze.

Your thumb goes up to your mouth, biting your nail as you watch him get closer to his release. When he finally cums, it shoots out of him, landing on his hand and stomach, cock twitching in his hold. Releasing himself, he moves close to the camera as he slowly licks the cum off his hand before ending the recording. You release the breath you didn't know you were holding. Seungmin looks up at you, brow raised.

"You ok, Y/n?" He notices your flushed face and how you've been standing in the same spot for 5 minutes. "Your mysterious boyfriend sending you dirty things?" You look at him wide eyed, blush growing deeper. Seungmin makes a face, teasing you as he feigns disgust.

'I need to see you before we leave for tour, kitten'

Seungmin laughs softly. "Is he getting sad cause he won't be able to see you while we are on tour?"

You stare at him and squeak out a "yeah. Something like that." You quickly finish packing everything you can. Seungmin asks if you want him to order dinner and you tell him it's ok. He nods before getting up to give you a quick hug before he leaves.

'I'm coming over. I don't care if Seungmin is there. I need you'

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[bloodlinemadness]

Distance (Part I)

Gif is mine

Pairing: Tama Tonga x Pregnant Fem! Reader

A/N: It's been a while. Just something short & sweet I wanted to do. There will be a second part. It's a sequel to Stress. Apologies if it's kinda meh, again it's been a while.

Summary: Tama & Loa prepare to leave for WWE's 2 week tour in the UK. Y/N & Tama bid an emotional goodbye to each other. Through Tama's busy schedule & timezones, they both find ways to keep in touch, keeping their relationship strong while he's on the road.

Warnings: Swearing, Angst, Fluff, Kissing, Reader is pregnant, emotional wreckage. Loa's a bit of a meany lol. Mentions of sm*t I think? Think that's about it. NOT PROOFREAD!

Word Count: 2.1k

Enjoy 💫

Cr: @firefly-graphics ⤴️

You were sitting on yours & Tama's shared bed watching him as he packed his belongings into his luggage preparing for the 2 week tour ahead in the UK. He picked up one of his shirts ( in the gif above) & smiled at it, looking at you, he got up & walked towards you.

"Here, something to remember me by while I'm away" he said softly, handing his shirt over to you. Your heart fluttered as you took the shirt from him, you smoothed the fabric with your hand it was soft. You hugged it to your chest, it smelled just like his cologne.

"This is your favorite shirt though, are you sure Tama?" you asked. "I've got another shirt like this, but yeah this white one is special to me, but it's a pure color which reminds me of you & our soon to be child" he grinned.

You smiled widely & were elated, you had nothing but love for this man. After everything that happened, it pulled the both of you closer & made your relationship stronger. The two of you were soon to be parents as you were pregnant.

Unfortunately, you two had to be apart due to Tama's career & schedule, but he took a paternity leave so he could be there before your due date.

"I wish you didn't have to leave" you sighed, getting up from the bed & hugging him, resting your head on his chest. He wrapped his strong arms around you, resting his head on yours. He hugged you back but not too tightly since he didn't want to smother the baby.

"I know sweets, it sucks. I hate to be away from you. I tried to get them to understand, but they need me. It's selfish. But they said that as soon as I get home, I can take time off & stay with you until I'm ready to come back which is way after our baby is born. 2 weeks will fly by quick too" he assured kissing your head.

You smiled at his comforting words & lifted your head up, kissing him which he reciprocated. Your moment was cut off when you both heard a knock on your bedroom door.

"Hey lovebirds, sis & Leo are here are you coming down?" asked Loa from the other side. "Yeah, give us 2 minutes we'll be down!" said Tama. Loa hummed walking away.

"I'm starting to think he bugs us on purpose now. Yesterday he bought a box of Krispy Kreme donuts & didn't let me eat over 3. He hogged the rest to himself as if he doesn't care about my cravings" you vented agitated.

Tama laughed "he's being a responsible Uncle, he cares about our baby, ma chérie. He doesn't want our future son or daughter to have too much sugar before they're born. I mean have you seen the frosting on those donuts?" he asked, amused.

"But, the baby was craving it themselves Tama! Your brother is so evil, he's not as sweet as he looks. There's a demon hiding under that smile, it reminds me of Bendy" you ranted angrily. Your pregnancy hormones were kicking in & Tama could sense it.

"Okay, okay. How about this? Before me & Loa leave I'll order a box of Krispy Kreme donuts from Uber Eats & have it delivered to our door, only for you" said Tama. Your expression changed from irritated to cheerful. "I love you!" you exclaimed wrapping your arms around him. He chuckled at your excitement, and sweet tooth "I love you too" he said rubbing circles on your back.

There was a knock on your door again "don't tell me you two started fooling around in there or I will barge right in! Our guests are waiting!" yelled Loa. Tama sighed "calm your chompers down, we're coming!" yelled Tama. "See! I told you, he does this on purpose" you said. "I heard that!" said Loa still behind the door. "GO AWAY!" yelled you & Tama, you finally heard his footsteps walking away.

"Alright, let's go" said Tama zipping up his luggage, you stopped him. He raised his brow at you, you went into your shared closet & grabbed one of your shirts putting it in his luggage & zipping it up.

"Something to remember me by, while you're away from home" you said, making him smile widely.

You both went downstairs & entered the kitchen seeing Tama's siblings looking at the two of you with annoyed looks on their faces.

"Don't look at me like that, we have 4 hours" he said. "Yeah, but do you really want to take chances with this traffic?" asked Loa.

Tama sighed opening up the Uber app to order your food. "How are you & the baby Y/N?" asked Tama's sister. "I'm okay, just been feeling a bit dizzy in the mornings. The baby is fine though, they were kicking a lot during the night. Tama felt it too many times" you laughed.

"They're a kicker" said Loa. "Just watch, they're gonna be super-kicking everyone as soon as they start walking & then join The Bloodline" he joked, making you all laugh.

"I wonder if they're gonna be as tall as you when they grow up. They do have the family genes too" said Loa referring to Hikuleo. "I'd be ecstatic" said Hikuleo, "I might be their first match."

"Don't forget, they'll get my strength, my mouth & her intelligence " said Tama referring to you "you'll have to work fast, this new generation isn't to be played with." "Generation, schmeneration, I'm still their Uncle at the end of the day" said Hikuleo.

"I hope they get your hair, I miss your Lion's mane" you said to Tama in awe. "Yeah, you literally cut it all off, that can never be me. I love my Mufasa hair too much. Meanwhile, you got the Shenzi hair" teased Hikuleo, making Loa burst out laughing. They both started making hyena noises.

"Are you sure I should trust him with my pregnancy while you're gone?" you asked Tama referring to Hikuleo. "It's okay I'm here, I'll keep him in control" said Tama's sister. "I'm not a dog" sighed Hikuleo. "The treats are coming close" said Tama referring to your Krispy Kreme order. "TREATS?!" yelled Hikuleo. "You were saying?" you asked Tama's sister.

"Alright, I think it's time to go. International flight & our city traffic, we don't want to be late" said Loa. "Finally, some peace & quiet for a few days" you said in relief, Tama cocked his brow at you, meanwhile Loa frowned.

"To you, just to let you know these two aren't any better. Hikuleo will keep accidentally hitting his head by mistake on the low ceilings so you'll have to tend to him at times. Just think of him as your child that's already there & don't get me started on sis" said Loa, earning a death from his brother & sister.

"Shut the hell up!" she scoffed. "Shut the hell up!" mocked Loa in a high-pitched voice teasing her. "And I do not bang my head in the ceiling all the time!" argued Hikuleo. "Okay, you tree" teased Loa. "You really are the mature one aren't you?" you said to Tama. He nodded "I'm afraid so."

The doorbell rang, "I'll get that" said Tama. Meanwhile, Loa was trying to shield himself from his siblings playfully punching him. "For the sake of your niece or nephew, can the three of you behave?" you requested, clearly agitated. "They're throwing punches at me!" Loa said childishly. "Yeah, for something you instigated" you responded.

"Donuts are here!" announced Tama bringing in 2 boxes of your favorite treats, he handed one over to you, you squealed & took the box thanking him, and setting it down on the table. He then handed one over to Hikuleo & his sister, they thanked him.

"What the fuck? What about me?!" asked Loa. "You get nothing" replied Tama, shaking his head. "Why?" he questioned, he looked over at you seated at the table & taking a bite from the glazed donuts with jealousy etched on his face. "And she gets the whole damn box?!" "Because you only gave her 3 last time & kept the rest to yourself" Tama explained.

"At least I gave her some, do I not get anything?" "Here" said Hikuleo, opening the box, picking one up with a napkin & handing it over to Loa. "At least someone cares, thank you Toko" he said, earning a nod from him.

Tama's phone went off & he checked his notification "cab's here, we should leave" he said. "No shit! Was I speaking in gibberish for the past 30 minutes?'" questioned Loa, clearly agitated. Tama just ignored him. You got up from you seat & hugged Tama tightly.

"I'll miss you" you said trying to hold your tears in. He wrapped his arms around you in a warm embrace. "I'll miss you too baby, I'll be home before you'll know it, but I'll call you everyday to check & sis & toko are here too. If you need anything" he said kissing the top of your head.

You pulled away smashing your lips onto his, of course you both got lost into it knowing you won't see each other for a bit. It nearly turned into a make out session when Loa's voice cut the both of you off.

"Woah woah woah, if you both needed more time you could've told us" he said. You both pulled away looking at him, he looked grossed out, meanwhile Hikuleo was covering his eyes & his sister was shaking her head. "Alright kid, they're done you can open your eyes now" said Loa to Hikuleo, he opened them & let out a breath of relief.

Loa hugged both of his siblings goodbye & you as well. "Save some doughnuts for me" he whispered while hugging you. "Shut up, you aren't special Bendy" you joked. "Bendy?! That's a new one. That hurt" he said clutching onto his chest, you giggled. "Bye, little one. Uncle loves you" he cooed rubbing your stomach. "Have a fun trip, don't hurt yourself" you said to Loa. "Can't make any promises, bye everyone!" he said wheeling his luggage away to the front.

Tama gave you one last hug, "I love you take care of yourself" he whispered pecking your lips. "You too, take care, win all your matches, don't yeyeyeyeye too much, get enough rest" you said teasing him. He chuckled nodding at you.

He leaned down, eye-level to your baby bump. He rubbed your bump, "Daddy will be back soon, take care of mommy & don't give her, Uncle & Aunty too much trouble. Ofa atu & I can't wait to see you soon" he cooed, kissing your bump. He stood up, you smiled in awe at him seeing how he was being such a loving father to your child. "Teaching them Tongan already?" you asked, smitten with him. "Gotta know their roots early," smirked Tama.

He hugged his sister & Hikuleo. "Look out for each other, don't give each other a hard time" he said motioning in between you & his siblings. The three of you nodded. You loved it when his big brother side kicked in, you couldn't tell if it was that or he was practicing his dad skills early.

"TAMA! HURRY YOUR SLOW ASS UP!" yelled Loa. "I'M COMING" he yelled back. The four of you made your way over to the door. Your eyes started to water not ready to let go of him. He sensed it & wiped your tears.

"Hey, it's gonna be okay. I'll be home soon. It's just 2 weeks." "2 weeks too long" you sniffled. He pulled you into a hug. His sister soothingly rubbed your back. You calmed down a few seconds later. He let you go, and kissed your forehead. "Be strong, for me & our child. Can you do that for me baby?" he asked while caressing your cheeks with his thumbs. You nodded sniffling, "I'll try" you whispered looking back up at him. He smiled softly pecking your lips. "That's my girl, I love you both. I'll call you when I get there. Take care of yourselves" he said, wheeling his luggage out the door.

The three of you watched Tama & Loa leave. Loa put his luggage in the trunk, waved at the three of you, you jokingly flipped him off, making him stop waving at you & looking at you annoyed before flipping you off back. He got into the SUV cab.

Tama was next, putting his luggage into the trunk before waving at the three of you. He blew a kiss in your direction, making your heart melt. You caught it & blew a kiss back at him waving. Tama's sister smiled as she had her arm wrapped around you for comfort.

He got into the vehicle, shutting the door. The cab pulled out of the driveway & turned to drive away. Tama still waved at you through the window as the cab drove away. As soon as the cab was out of sight, the three of you went back inside, you took a deep breath with your emotions being all over the place, wondering how you were going to be able to get through these 2 weeks without Tama.

[omgfangirlland]

Truthfully about who should slip that Damian is a Wayne, personally I think it should be Jon or Damian himself, because just as you said that Talia would use it for trust points and so

I believe Damian would do so too.

I have 3 situations in mind

Jon:

"ummm excuse me miss sorceress.... I know I'm just Damian's friend but....... I believe you should know that we haven't been fully honest with you"

And then it spirals from there, I believe a 100% that Jon would try to vouch for Damian a bit

"he only skipped that because he knew you maybe wouldn't wanna meet him if he was related to him Bruce , he really wanted to meet you... To meet his big sister."

Damian:

"[name]........ I must admit I haven't been the most honest person brother to you.......... I was curios of who you were...... This may sound weird or off putting but I'll make sense when I finish. We share more than some mundane things in common..... I skipped this fact as I wanted to have the opportunity to meet you first.... And if you had known you probably wouldn't wanna have meet me....... We are blood related.....by...... Uhm.... Our father.... The biological one"

"I only wanted to know my big sister"

(the little demon would play his fckin cards right, his momma didn't raise no dummy)

Talia:

"Did you know that Damian is a Wayne and also my son? He was very curios about you... Infact he came to Chicago by lying to Bruce, I guess people would say he was eager to meet you? Anyways"

Then proceeds to show Batsis the most cute baby pictures of Damian as a murderous cubby baby and Batsis ALMOST forgets why they were in a coffee shop in the first olace

-------------------

Incorrect stuff that I almost wrote and I found funny:

Talia: if I gave you a hard drive with a compilations of all the bats failing to do stuff from Batman faceplanting into the pavement to The Red Hood crashing into a pole, would you reconsider babysitting Damian?

------------

Batsis holding Jon: I've only meet him for 1 minute but if something happens to him I'll kill everyone in this room and then myself.

Jon: ╰⁠(⁠ ⁠･⁠ ⁠ᗜ⁠ ⁠･⁠ ⁠)

-------------

Damian while dragging Jon into his School trip lie: let's go towards my probably demise and forever grounding.

-Nameless 💜

You know what- you are right. Damian would definitely use it for trust points.

I don't think I'll use Dami tho(mostly because of how I want to make it turn out). I don't really want to make it easy for the demon child, and I kinda need the distrust to push another plot point for chapter 22-

Talia doing all that nonchalantly would be funny- Like dropping a bomb and then just pulling these photos/ photo album from thin air being just like "And this is Dami in his test tube." Meanwhile, MC is just going through like 10 emotions at once, trying not to bawl her eyes because the mere mention of Bruce has started to make this visceral anger run through her body.

So it'll have to be either Jon or TV, perhaps an overheard conversation between Jon and Damian where Jon tries to nudge his friend to come clean? Hm hmm thoughts and thoughtsss

--

Batsis would do it for a plate of fries just so she can boss Dami around. He does something, anything, "Don't make me call your mom" just to annoy him.

--

Based. Jon would be a breath of fresh air for MC tbh.

This is something that just crossed my mind btw:

Jon, basking in the attention and compliments of batsis: (✿◡‿◡)

MC: You're so normal, don't take it the mean way, it's a compliment considering how everyone has gone mad- i've christened you as my sunshine. innocent, happy-

Jon, catching Kon's eyes: ( ͠° ͟ʖ ͡°)( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

Kon: <(ㅍ _ㅍ)> Well, now I have to compete against whatever this is-

--

Unless he comes back with hella information, Bruce will definitely put Robin in early retirement. Well, he'll try. When have the Robins ever listened to him? :)))

[theislandoflosttoys]

Finally, my shaylahh!! TT^TT Shadow

So...I'm really excited to share this one specifically, and it's been hard, because Shadow's hcs in particular contain more information about the sort-of plot for this AU. As well as why it is called the Porcelain AU in the first place. So i'm so glad it's finally time to post this. ^^

I will say that there sort of is some need for warning for this one since it does have some heavy/sad/darker themes compared to the other, which...sorry? To be fair it might not be that bad, but I'd rather warn, just in case. I'll try to add the CW in bold in front of the specific parts that applies to the warning.

Anyway, as always....HCs/Trivia below the line~!

CW: Dark themes, death (canonical Shadow death ofc), kind of suicidal ideation? (sorry in advance?).

And remember this... "All things come with a price."

To start off! Our boy Shadow is a Taurus! On the cusp, so he was almost an Aries. April 20th ^^

He is the second shortest of the bunch at 5'5". Like Blue, it doesn't bother him, plus I mean...he can float? He can be at eye-level anytime.

Living with him is like living with a cat almost, *cough*black cat*cough*, he is mostly chill but he has bouts of sudden zoomies and mischievous behaviour. But for the most part his personality is a bit more relaxed than before.

He is very loyal, and though he is mischievous and sometimes taunts others, he is kind and well meaning. He does have some insecurity about himself and his ability to be good but is making good progress with the help of the others and is quickly gaining his confidence back, which is great to see.

Shadow doesn't really weigh too much at all, like Green, but it's more to do with his species/race than his abilities. Shadow doesn't really have all the internal organs, etc that hylians or humans have, because he is made of magic essentially. Sort of a magic construct in a way? He is a "Living shadow" afterall. Plus it makes sense for the others when they connect the things they've seen him do with his body before, i.e. like spinning his head/body round full circle, etc.

It's worth noting, because it will come up, I like to generally keep relationships sort of ambiguous or open to interpretation, mainly because I actually don't mind any of the ships between any or multiple of the gang, but I will say that Vidow is an established/endgame ship in this AU. I have a soft spot for the ship as it was one of my first ships when I was younger that I was in love with basically lol. Anyway.

Shadow tends to steal or run off with items belonging to the others, can sometimes devolve into a keep away game of chase he finds so fun lol. He can get pouty if there's no chase and they give up too easily, but will return the items, especially if the person is genuinely upset and wants it back. This has happened a few times, but he has been reassured that as long as he gives it back when they're serious that it's ok and to not feel guilty.

Stealing Vio's reading glasses to wear is one of his favourites though! No chase needed. Vio thinks it's adorable.

Shadow is very like ethereally beautiful, Link was pretty but Shadow is like unnaturally pretty. When I say them I mean like beyond human ability, kind of like the fae if that makes sense? I can elaborate on that if needed lol.

He is naturally curious but due to the trauma of dying, being separated from the boys, etc, he is kind of clingy. Doesn't really like to be alone for too long. Usually hangs around Vio and Blue the most though, but he doesn't avoid any of them, he just tends to go to Vio and Blue more often than the others.

Also worth noting in case it wasn't noticed, but I've decided to change the age they were on their adventure from 12 to 15. Mainly because I kind of wanted it so that they were at an age where falling in love would be more reasonable? If this makes sense. Like not really puppy dog eyes but more like I am in love and want to marry this person possibly in the future. It's mainly because I wanted it to be more believable that it was a factor in Vio wanting to bring him back. A strong motivation basically, and I didn't really think being in love was super realistic at like 12, sorry just my experience lol.

I think Shadow likely has major abandonment issues so that is something he struggles with, as well as some social and general anxiety. Depression too, to complete the trifecta lol. Am I projection? No you are lol. But has some self-worth issues, he's working through it though with the other's help! ^^

Shadow's feelings are pretty complicated when it comes to Vio mainly, at least definitely in the beginning of this AU. I mean, he made his first friends and fell in what he determined was love (though it wasn't confessed), then got betrayed by the only person he let in, then got killed by the gang via sword blasts.

He was at a low point when he crawled back through the mirror before Zelda confronted and comforted him. He thought 'fuck what everyone believes I am...I want to be good...someone worth staying for." (sad I know, sorry it's gonna get kind of worse ^^;).

CW - Suicide Ideation (sort of). When he met up with the others, he never really got the chance to speak with Vio so many things were left unsaid. And then his sacrifice....I feel like with his mental state at the time he might have been desperate to prove himself and maybe even a part of him thought it was inevitable? The gang was losing, they needed to shatter the mirror to actually end Vaati. So Shadow shattered the mirror himself, partly because he wanted those idiots to live, partly because he wanted to prove to them and himself that he was good, but also something he wouldn't admit easily is that he felt that they were going to shatter it themselves so he just beat them to the punch. He would rather it was himself who did it basically.

CW - Death. Shadow's last memory of this moment after shattering to moment was pain, then slowly fading away while the others surrounded him. In the moment he couldn't really hear them, which later is brought up sort of. Basically they were all saying some stuff, Vio may have confessed, but ofc Shadow's basically in overwhelming pain and his hearing is cut out so when he gets brought back and doesn't mention it at all, Vio sort of assumes that his feeling aren't returned for a bit.

His memories of being dead are kind of blank, at best he can describe it as being in an endless black void where time was uncertain. Somehow feeling like it took eternity and yet like no time at all.

CW - Dark themes. His resurrection was messy to put it simply. Everything has a price. Vio had been too confident. They were all there (the gang plus Zelda) when he had to be dragged from the newly constructed dark mirror. Death and the void are not simple things, and they don't like when others try to take away what is theirs. So it was basically tug of war almost, he was being dragged back to the mirror, and it took three of them to drag him from it enough to get him out. Zelda and Vio were preforming the binding spell that would keep him in the living realm, using Vio as the anchor. Unfortunately, while they were ultimately successful in the end and were able to shatter the mirror to stop it from reclaiming Shadow...he didn't come out of it unscathed. He lost one of his eyes (Left one in the picture above), as well as his feet/legs (left one slightly above the ankle, and right at mid-calf).

He has scars that resemble the shattered mirror, they glow in the dark lol. But most importantly you'll notice the starburst shaped scar in the middle of his torso/chest. It along with the shatter scars aren't textured like real skin or scar tissue, more like ceramic or something similar. Especially the one at his chest, that one is incredibly sensitive and also feels a bit fragile even though it is as tough at the rest of him. This was Zelda's doing, it is crystalized light force basically. He has a heart (which he didn't have before) constructed of light force.

Due to this, his powers aren't as powerful and he doesn't have the endless well of magic he used to. He can do all the things he could before, though he doesn't have endless energy so he needs to take breaks and consume magic energy & items to refill. It can be refilled with rest but eating magic makes it refill faster.

Example, floating/flying takes barely and energy but he cannot be doing it constantly without pause. They tested it, he was able to go without a break for almost 2 days. but this was without him using any other abilities, just floating/flying.

Another major example is his shapeshifting ability. He still can but the shape has to be of equal mass as him or smaller. When he used to shift to something bigger than him he would gather more darkness around him to pack onto himself kind of like playdough. But due to his new lightforce in him, he cannot take on additional darkness so he is stuck with the darkness he already has (himself).

The no feet thing doesn't bother him too much now, granted it did in the beginning when he was getting used to being alive and he was wary of the others. But he gets by fine usually by floating like he originally did. He does have some prosthetics that were made for him but he only really uses them when he doesn't have any other choice, he doesn't like how they feel and are a bit of a reminder of what he lost.

On that note. He doesn't like being picked up. Especially without permission, he finds it a bit insulting/demeaning. Sometimes when he's feeling especially clingy and doesn't have the energy to float and doesn't want to wear the prosthetics (Or has forgotten them. Which he does sometimes, somewhat purposefully because he struggles with his inability to walk on his on now. Don't worry Vio always has a set on him, man is prepared for everything), he'll let Vio or Blue carry him. Mainly those too, leaning more towards Vio when their relationship progresses. Definite sign of trust.

If this happens and no one is around that he trusts, he tends to just sit for a bit, snack on some magic, or if he needs to really like escape he can shapeshift into something small. This is a good option for him because it will allow him to refill him magic while not using much because his body is now smaller so his wellspring seems bigger because of it. I can explain this more in detail at a later date if anyone wishes. ^^

His left eye is gone entirely (which is why his eyes in the picture look different lol). He wears a false eye. His first was actually made by Vio! ^^ This was the moment he really started to reconcile and open up to Vio again after his betrayal. The others will make some and paint them themselves and he cherishes every one of them.

He's definitely helped Red sneak animals into the house before, he thinks it's hilarious.

Design wise, I gave him wider eyes with mad eyelash game, mainly to show that while he is a spicy little gremlin, he is surprisingly innocent since he doesn't really have a lot of experience in the outside world. I gave him a lip piercing because projection lmao, also because I think he'd really enjoy the ability to express himself however he wants too, freedom basically. ^^

His hair is more wavy-curly, hairstyle being somewhat similar to Red's (Red helped him cut it and they share hair tips), but while Red's ends a little past his shoulders, Shadow's hair goes a bit past his butt. He can change the look and style of course with his shapeshifting ofc but this is the look he likes most as of now. Still purple, but I went for the more grey toned purple I prefer to use for like all versions of shadow I draw, mainly so it won't be overwhelming and it makes his eyes stand out a bit more. I went for a pale skin tone with more of a brown toned grey undertone so he didn't look too much like a vampire lol. And freckles! love to add freckles to Shadow. Adds flavour.

I gave him more downturned ears, somewhat to display his uncertain nature and latent anxiety/guilt, but also to differentiate with the others. Also his shatter-scars are pretty pronounced and obvious to the general public, he can't easily hide it, takes up too much energy. You can see where it goes over his missing eye, which somewhat is where the path of destruction way. Basically the lightforce filled in the cracks like kintsugi. You'll see in future drawings and sketches, but Shadow's legs/feet weren't clean cut, think more of Wisp from Warframe, it looks more like hers do, and the stump/inside part it the same gold-white of the scars. Kind of reminds me of geodes now that I think of it, huh.

He tends to wear tops that are more loose fitting or are open chest, he likes to fluster the others, but it's actually because the scar at the centre of his chest/torso is sensitive and tends to sting and hurt more when rough fabric is rubbing against it. He doesn't like to touch it and doesn't let the others, bar Vio. (I'll explain why in Vio's post ^^).

Green💚

Blue💙

Red❤️

Vio💜

[felixcloud6288]

Dungeon Meshi Chapter 86

The final battle is upon us. Who will decide what's for dinner tonight?

As with all moments like this, Izutsumi is part of these group therapy sessions against her will.

Amazing transition back to reality. It's the exact same image with a different background.

I still feel like the lion is lying about who it can or must serve. Marcille currently desires to fix her mistakes and stop the monsters she summoned, but that goes against what the lion wants from her. So it's instead choosing to ignore that in favor of fulfilling a more base desire for safety from a presumed threat.

This fakeout really got me.

Laios's arm seems to be in a bit of pain after that. Since his hand had to get put into the seal as well, its effects are probably creeping up his arm.

Again, I think the lion lies when it talks about how it serves its master. It's been manipulating Marcille to make her desire what will make her use the lion's power for the lion's aims. Looks like sealing the demon gives the dungeon lord a way to channel the lion's power exactly the way you want without it being able to manipulate anything.

On a side note, when Thistle and Mithrun became dungeon lords, their demons were small and grew larger over time. The lion was already big when Marcille became a lord. I'm curious if part of what caused Marcille to immediately spiral was because the lion was already strong. Maybe it took Mithrun and Thistle a few years to get to Marcille's point because their demons had to build up strength.

Laios and Marcille are two halves of the same person. They share 20 brain cells collectively, but the actual range of braincells either of them has at a given moment ranges from 15 to -5. And when one of them becomes a super genius, the other becomes muppet-brained. The only difference between them is Laios loves acting like a muppet while Marcille doesn't.

I've missed Marcille's muppet-brained moments so much. For all her intelligence, she's also the last one to realize things.

Namari had complete faith in Laios.

Last we saw of Fleki, her familiar was being torn apart by wyverns so she probably had to be killed and resurrected again.

I saw this panel of Flamela stepping on a walking mushroom and tried to come up with a silly pun about her turning a toadstool into a footstool. But toadstools refer to inedible or poisonous mushrooms and this type is most likely edible so it isn't a toadstool. And footstools are foot supports to lift your feet while sitting and Flamela is not doing anything like that nor is she using it like that. Pretend that I made a funny mushroom pun that is lexiconically correct and laugh at this image of Flamela stepping on a walking mushroom while yelling into her fairy.

Flamela isn't even nice to her fairy.

The island is getting restructured into a dungeon's maze-like design.

The soldiers are fighting what I believe are small wyrms.

Laios's father is watching and waiting. Falin still writes to her parents so he knows his children are at ground zero of all this.

Flamela is not giving the party much reason to want to work with the Canaries here. And this is ignoring how the situation was heavily due to the Canaries withholding information and assaulting the party to begin.

If you spin a magnet fast enough, it's possible to make it levitate above another magnet. For years, it was believed impossible to actually make a magnet levitate over another and Earnshaw's theorem proved that it's not possible for a static magnet to float above another one without it either getting flipped or pushed away. But then someone decided to try spinning the magnet in place and it turns out that the rotation of the magnet counters the forces that would normally push or flip the magnet, causing it to float.

Anyway, that story popped into my head at this moment. Laios is suggesting they do something that no one has ever done and everyone knows cannot be done. But Laios is both ignorant of everything and he doesn't think in conventional ways. So he could achieve the impossible because he'll come up with ideas no one considered.

Everyone else thinks of the demons in terms of man-eating monsters or forces of nature. But Laios is thinking of the demon more like if it was a person with its own goals it wants to accomplish.

Finally. Someone is actually going to listen to Laios.

Based on the reactions of Flamela's teammates, it's not uncommon for Mithrun to teleport people away when he's annoyed with them.

Mithrun at least understands the situation. The world is doomed whether or not Laios actually has a way to beat the demon. So they might as well let him try. Mithrun's eye turned silver as he told Laios to do what he couldn't.

New idea to the lion and how it decides to grant wishes: When it's unsealed and has a lord, it binds itself to that lord. But when it gets sealed, it can more freely respond to anyone's desires.

The lion should be sealed in Thistle's book, but it appeared before everyone in response to Laios's desire to defeat it. And then it waited a moment so Laios could demand he share a meal with everyone if he wins.

Some walking mushrooms fell off the lion construct.

The tower wasn't attached to anything. It was just a tower floating over the water.

Well that was an anticlimactic end to this series. Oh well. It was an enjoyable read the whole way through. Thanks for following my readthrough everyone.

I'm with Kabru. There's something horrible about the end of the world feeling like a bad joke.

Wait, I got it!! Flamela turned the walking mushroom into a stepping stool!!

back

[thatidiotsuds]

Task Force 141 : The Weekend Part 3

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

Gaz

Gaz found himself wandering through the streets, taking in the sights and sounds of the fair. He had always been a bit of a loner, content to keep to himself, but something about this place had drawn him in.

As he strolled past the dance stage, he noticed a group of locals gathered around, watching a woman with a kind smile and a cowboy hat teach a group of children how to line dance. Gaz's curiosity got the better of him, and he wandered over to watch.

The woman, whose name was Lainey caught his eye and beckoned him over. "Hey there, Want to learn how to line dance?"

Gaz hesitated for a moment, feeling a bit self-conscious about his lack of dancing skills. But Lainey's warm smile put him at ease, and he nodded, taking a spot at the end of the line.

Lainey's began to teach the group a simple routine, and Gaz found himself laughing and stumbling through the steps. But with each passing minute, he grew more confident, his feet moving in time with the music.

As the lesson came to a close, Lainey's patted Gaz on the back. "You're a natural! I think you might just be the best student I've had all day."

Gaz grinned, feeling a sense of pride he hadn't felt in a long time. "Thanks, I think I might just have to come back for more lessons."

Lainey's smiled, her eyes sparkling with amusement. "I'd like that. Maybe next time, we can even get you to wear a pair of cowboy boots."

Gaz chuckled, feeling a sense of camaraderie with Lainey's that he hadn't expected. "I'll think about it," he said, winking at her.

As the night wore on, Gaz found himself returning to the dance stage, this time with Lainey's by his side. They danced under the stars, the music and laughter filling the air.

As they twirled and spun, Gaz felt a sense of freedom he hadn't experienced in years. He was no longer just a soldier, but a man, enjoying the simple pleasures in life.

Soap

Soap found himself wandering through the vibrant streets of the fair, his heart racing with anticipation as he made his way to the girl who had invited him. The air was filled with the sweet scent of cotton candy and the cheerful sounds of laughter, but all he could focus on was her.

From the moment he laid eyes on her, he was captivated. She had a smile that could light up the darkest of nights, and her brown hair danced in the breeze like golden strands of sunshine. As he approached, he felt a flutter in his chest, a feeling he hadn’t experienced in ages.

"Hey, Bonnie," he said, tipping his hat with a playful grin, trying to channel his inner cowboy.

Her eyes sparkled with mischief, and she nodded, her ponytail bouncing with excitement. "I see you came!" she replied, her voice a delightful mix of husky and sweet, like honey drizzled over warm biscuits.

She beamed with pride as she took him under her wing, teaching him how to ride a horse. She introduced him to the majestic creatures she cared for, each one more beautiful than the last. Soap wasn’t exactly a natural, but he was a fast learner, and with every clumsy attempt, they shared laughter that echoed through the fields.

“Look, Soap! You’re a natural!” she teased, her laughter ringing like music in his ears. He couldn’t help but chuckle at his own antics, feeling more alive than he had in years.

As the sun dipped below the horizon, painting the sky in hues of pink and orange, she invited him to join her family for dinner. Soap’s heart raced with a mix of nerves and excitement. He wanted to impress her father, to show that he was more than just a charming smile and a few tricks up his sleeve.

Sitting at the dinner table, surrounded by warmth and laughter, Soap felt a sense of belonging he hadn’t known in a long time. The aroma of home-cooked food filled the air, and he savored every bite, feeling like he was part of something special.

“johnny, tell us about your adventures!” her father encouraged, his eyes twinkling with curiosity.

With a grin, Soap launched into tales of his escapades, embellishing them just enough to keep everyone entertained. He could see her eyes shining with admiration, and it made his heart swell with joy.

As the evening wore on, he caught her gaze across the table, and in that moment, everything felt perfect. The world outside faded away, and all that mattered was the connection they shared, his voice softening, “I’ve never felt more at home than I do right now.”

Her cheeks flushed a rosy pink, and she smiled, her heart fluttering like a butterfly. “Me too, johnny. I’m so glad you came.”

And as they shared stories and laughter, Soap knew that this was just the beginning of a beautiful adventure—one filled with love, laughter, and perhaps a few more horse-riding lessons.

As Sunday evening approached, the reality of their impending departure loomed over them. Laswell had arranged for a pickup at dawn on Monday, and the team gathered to pack their things.

“Captain, what’s wrong? Why aren’t you packing?” Gaz asked, noticing Price’s reluctance.

“I think I’m staying,” Price admitted, a hint of determination in his voice.

The team stared at him in shock. “You can’t be serious!” Ghost exclaimed.

“I’ve always wanted to find a place to settle down, and this town… it feels right,” Price said, his eyes shining with hope.

Soap, feeling a tug at his heart, nodded as Gaz and Ghost exchanged glances, contemplating their own feelings. “Maybe we all should stay,” Gaz said, his voice thoughtful.

Price smiled "but someone gotta keep the world clean, we do the dirty work to keep the world safe and this town is the proof of our work" he reminded his team "we can always come back here"

Soap, Ghost and Gaz nodded understanding his point as they resumed to packing, Price was Right

That night, Soap found himself standing beneath the glow of the moonlight, his heart racing as he snuck out to the brown-haired girl’s window. He took a deep breath, his nerves tingling with excitement, and gently knocked on the glass.

The Brown Haired Girl eyes widened in surprise as she opened the window, her face lighting up with joy. “What are you doing here, handsome?” she whispered, glancing back to ensure her father was still asleep. Excitement danced in her eyes, making Soap’s heart skip a beat.

“I wanted to give you this,” he said, pulling out a delicate bracelet he’d woven just for her. “I promise I’ll come back.”

Her face lit up even more as he slipped the bracelet onto her wrist. The sparkle in her eyes was a mix of joy and sadness, knowing he had to leave. She hugged him tightly, her half-body dangling out of the window, as if trying to hold onto him for just a moment longer.

Soap cupped her face gently, making her look up at him. “I’m sorry, Bonnie. I wish I could stay forever, but I promise I’ll come back. I’ll come back for you,” he said, his voice filled with sincerity. He hated goodbyes, and he could see the frown on her face, knowing why he had to say it—tomorrow was Monday.

She looked at him with longing, her heart aching. “Well, if you’re leaving, at least give me a memory I won’t forget,” she said, leaning closer, her voice low and inviting against the window sill.

Johnny smirked, his eyes sparkling with mischief. “What are you implying, Bonnie?”

She grinned, her cheeks flushing as she leaned her head closer to him. “A kiss,” she whispered, her eyes glinting with playful challenge.

Johnny chuckled, his thick Scottish accent wrapping around his words. “You’re a clever girl. Is that what you want, huh?”

With a playful glint in his eye, Johnny lifted himself onto the window sill, sitting there with a confident ease. He cupped her face in his hands, their breaths mingling in the cool night air.

As he leaned in, their lips met in a passionate kiss, a moment suspended under the stars and the gentle chirping of grasshoppers. In that kiss, he promised her his heart and soul, vowing that he would come back to her. It was a promise sealed with warmth and longing, a memory that would linger in both their hearts until they met again.

Meanwhile, Gaz was on the porch, humming a country tune he’d learned, tapping his heels like a pro. like what he did on the stage with that lady who taught him.

Ghost was in the shadows watching him "you seriously learned that over the weekend?" He asked making Gaz Startled and jump. "I...I was just watching the people dance and picked up a few steps, I wasn't taught" he said denying, trying to shrugg off the situation.

As dawn broke, the team gathered at the extraction site. They exchanged heartfelt hugs with Price, who stood with a smile of pride.

“Don’t worry Price, we’ll be back,” Ghost assured him as they climbed into the helicopter.The whole town people waved from a far.

As they lifted off, Soap looked down at the matching bracelet on his wrist, a reminder of the girl who had stolen his heart.

Laswell, wearing her headset, asked, “So, what did you do over the weekend?”

Gaz chuckled, “Long story, actually.”

And as the helicopter soared into the sky, the team knew that their lives had changed forever, all thanks to a little detour into the heart of the countryside.

[sakialumei]

Nevarran Marriage Headcanons

OKAY I wanna write some headcanons that I've had about Nevarra and their marriages because I just feel it in my soul that they go hard. I'd love any feedback, comments, suggestions etc. <3

pre-ceremony I know Hezenkoss was just being a little shit when she tells Emmrich that she'll "bury [him] and [his] new lover in the same tomb" but like married couples *are* probably buried in the same tomb. Which means they need a shared family tombstone. Once the couple is engaged, they have to commission the new joint tombstone

It's tradition that the couple visit each other's family's graves sites and ask the spirits for their blessing. If the spirits show displeasure (and it has happened) during this, the marriage will surely end in doom.

It's customary to send invitations to deceased relatives and leaving them at their tombs. That way, they can attend in whatever form they are comfortable with. Not inviting the deceased is seen as a great insult.

ceremony So the idea that a bride wears white was popularized by Queen Victoria when she wore a white lace dress at her wedding. White was a very expensive color so this was definitely a status symbol. SO what do Nevarrans wear? I believe they follow the convention of the time period in that brides would wear their best dress and men their finest tunics. These formal clothes would have to match their grave gold as THAT is the most important aspect. I imagine garbs of black, green, and purple are popular for Nevarrans. In addition, we see spirits take the form of skeletons with veils, floating as if holding their own souls in hand. Therefore, I think one could argue that BOTH bride and groom (or brides and grooms) could wear veils and carry bouquets.

The couple marries with their new joint tombstone. In fact, I think Nevarran weddings are VERY similar to funerals. It is encouraged that the onlookers cry at a wedding just as much as a funeral because in both instances, you are the celebrating one's death. At a wedding, it is the death of the individual being reborn into joint souls.

THE single most important bit of the ceremony is the exchanging of grave gold. This piece should be one that you have had for a while. The idea of commissioning a piece of new grave gold for this is seen as odd. Ideally, this piece of grave gold should be one passed down generations of your family. The point of gold is that it LASTS which is what you want your marriage and lineage to do as well. The older the better.

Instead of tossing bouquets, the couple distributes the flowers amongst the graves that have not been tended to in a while, bringing their new love to those who have lost it. They do this alone without any officiants and guests.

celebration Goes without saying, but like any good wedding, the food and drinks are immaculate. There is music and dance. Spirits and skeletons are invited to partake in the revels, naturally.

Now, anyone who's read any ounce of historical fantasy with romance knows that bedding ceremonies are a thing. I think Nevarra does it a little different. First of all, why use a bed when you could use a sarcophagus? At the end of the celebration, the couple will lie down together in the sarcophagus inside of a crypt. This is symbolic of course of their eventual fate of being buried together when the time comes. In fact it's an IDEAL to aspire to - staying together to make this an eventual reality. There is a final mourning for the couples before the guests leave them in the crypt. It is the couple's discretion if they actually wish to consummate then and there.

[fizzyboy]

I highly doubt my thoughts on the Boxten shenanigans will follow your canon any closer than others have, BUT felt like I'd share a potential thought anyways.

So, Boxten is a mechanic who likely wouldn't be as heavily involved in magic even if he did have some semblance of it? This makes my brain default to "well, with his arc of becoming more confident and in-control, what if his ability to tap into it is incredibly fleeting?"

Yes, that probably has already been mentioned. But with the point you keep making; what emotion would even make sense to tie to his magic?

The few thoughts that my brain could toss onto the table was "Inspiration", "Motivation", "Grief", "Acceptance".

Out of the four, I've probably got more ideas for acceptance (or "belief")? Though, it doesn't exactly keep his magic minimal.

Since Boxten is facing the long-run character arc of building his confidence and believing in himself, the thought that his magic is based around acceptance would likely give a chance for him to tap into it at the beginning and end, but not in the middle stages.

For the beginning; An acceptance that he's not enough. That he won't be able to fill expectations or save his friends if they were in danger. This mindset probably doesn't last long, and would be fleeting as he starts to want to be better. Whatever semblance of a magical form he had wouldn't have lasted long even if he did try to put it to use.

For a while, he'd then be left without the ability to power-up (magic-wise) like the others do. He'd have the time to lean into his "raw strength" kind of gameplay. It would take a while for him to have a chance of getting his magic back. But when he does, it's an acceptance of his ability to hold his own without the need to rely on others. That even if he had the choice to use magic, he wouldn't need to. He'd know he has the skill to contribute and help others without it. And if he does have it? Cool, it'll be something new to test out and grow from.

(Sorry this is such a long ramble, I get too excited when I have ideas.)

There we go, that's all I asked for. Give a reason and have it make a bit of sense. Now, I'm still not planning to give him any major magic qualities, but this is the best suggestion so far.