#I've been pretty behind on stuff
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*sees major spoilers for the new Obey Me Nightbringer chapter cross my dash*
What the fuck is going on over there and who do I need to kill. Whose threatening my fictional husband and family
#I've been pretty behind on stuff#and in addition to lack of energy to write my beloved fic for a while#didn't really feel motivated to play#but now seeing that spoiler I'm like#damn that sounds intense and also intriguing and better than#a lot of what was being released for the game for a while#but clearly i need to play catch up if things are getting interesting again#lbd speaks
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I somehow made it through the school day running on one hour of sleep
#I went to sleep at 5am yesterday#not by decision though - or not fully at least#i was feeling very shitty so I tried drawing to calm myself down but it didn't work and I ended jp just getting worse#Nobody at home was awake ans I couldn't talk to any of my vontacts because again they were all asleep#and I really needed to talk to somebody so I ended up reaching to a Mental Health helpline#I thought of reaching out to a suicide prevention hotline at first but I didn't because I wasn't going to#nor thinking of#commiting suicide.#I didn want to do something pretty bad which I was trying to distract myself from doing but not kill myself#eventually I found a general mentak health helpline and texted a woman through there at early 3am/very late 2am#we talked for two hours. she was really nice and helped me calm down and gave me advice on what to do if that happened again#it was 5am when we stopped talking and I had to wake up at 6am so I didn't sleep much#I really appreciate whst she did she helped me a lot - she also offered to call my parents but I said no because I didn't want to worry them#and she understood she was really nice people behind these kinds of things are like wingless angels#I've been able to take short naps between classes and a considerably long one after an exam but I dtarted the day on 1 hour of sleep#AND SURVIVED IT yippee#my stuff#vent
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every time i get an ao3 comment on a horror fic along the lines of “jesus fucking christ. this is so vile what the FUCK what the FUCKING FUCK THIS IS SO FUCKED UP” i hug my laptop to my chest and kick my feet and roll around in bed giggling like a schoolgirl who just got a love letter from her crush. omg you got physically nauseous.....? eeee
#THESE SENTIMENTS KEEP ME GOING#'cause i already know i'm funny and good at capturing Big Feelings#and i love comments about how much various funny or silly or earnest stories mean to people#but ooh god i've been repressing a lot of Horror Shit for a long time.#bc it's ugly and gross and makes people feel bad who wants to read THAT#and have only pretty recently started to shed these feelings n been like. nah i'll be honest actually#like i'll tag everything appropriately and i'll accept that engagement will b a lot lower bc no one wants to read That Shit#but i'll be honest.#so it's like. the strangest form of validation to have people be like#yeah actually this is fucking horrible and DOES feel bad and you DID convey that effectively#i'm like. thank u so much!! i wasn't sure i had the skill or the practice to do that!!!!#if youve left one of these comments (or MULTIPLE comments) on my stuff in the past few days pls know i see you and i love you#i'm WAY behind on comment replies on ao3 because of The Problems but im gonna get to 'em. in the meantime. i love u.#autoimmune tag#<-since the feelings mostly. come from this
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Something I see frequently is fans wanting characters like Elle Greenaway or Nathan Harris to return as unsubs in Criminal Minds, which. I'll be completely honest, I hate the idea for a lot of the suggested characters because it feels so undeniably tragic and hopeless that someone will inevitably become a killer, even if they don't want to become one. Yes, a lot of the unsubs have some kind of tragic backstory, but the thing is that they're still awful people (excluding very very few). I feel like having previous characters return as the unsub paints this picture that you're unable to break the cycle of violence or that you're destined to become a monster, which is just such a honestly tragic message, especially for a show that's already pretty dark.
I'm not opposed to characters reappearing, but I'd much prefer that if those characters appeared again that it'd be in the vein of them having undergone some kind of healing and growth and be able to find themselves some kind of peace and satisfaction in where they are in life. Let them reappear, but don't transform them into monsters but a symbol of the healing and growth available to survivors and the other characters.
#criminal minds#elle greenaway#nathan harris#don't get me wrong i get WHY ppl want it#like elle as an unsub would (admittedly in previous years when her teammates were still there) have been a v dramatic and interesting story#but at the same time... let her heal. she went through some really traumatic stuff and wasnt able to handle it and walked away#let her heal and find peace and leave behind the violence#or nathan harris! like that one admittedly always bugs me bc the idea that a kid who tried to kill himself rather than hurt someone#ends up ultimately becoming a killer anyways is genuinely so tragic and devasting and just hopeless#i just feel like a lot of these perpetuates the idea that you can't break the cycle of abuse or violence#or that you're unable to overcome the difficulties in your life or mind and your fate is sealed#which is genuinely the most fucking tragic ass theme that i've ever heard#like is that really what people want the show's message to be?#no matter how hard you try you will inevitably become what you fear and/or you will perpetuate the violence you experienced#i HATE that message#its why i really dislike how multiple characters reappear later as unsubs especially characters like lindsey vaughn and david smith#like what is the implication here? you're destined to continue the cycle of violence that your parents began?#you'll never be free from the violence you witnessed? you were just a child but your fate has been sealed anyways?#especially with so many of our mcs as well having dealt with serious trauma in their past#are they also destined to become their parents/abusers?#it just feels like a v hopeless message tbh which doesnt feel great when the show is already pretty dark#instead of characters coming back as unsubs i'd love to see them be able to help as teachers or guidance counselors or therapists#or anything really tbh like. show me that they're able to find peace despite what was done to them.#show me that while the trauma may be a part of you it is not all you are
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TFW you kill god: Oops lol 🙈😳✌ ️(Patreon)
#Doodles#AGE#Yves#It has been too long since I revisited my best/worst boy! ♥ I've been missing him#Not too long ago I went and reread my behind-the-scenes worldbuilding stuff for AGE and goshdang there's some good stuff in there#I do miss AGE - maybe someday I'll return to it I just got real burnt out on DMing :')#I still love it! And my PCs still talk about it sometimes :) Makes me happy they enjoyed it hehe#Yves is still one of my fave-faves tho haha ♪#He's such an interesting villain!#He's kinda remorseful in the same way someone who eats meat is towards the animals they eat? (Hopefully anyway lol)#''Thank you for your sacrifice but I need this so I can [well in this case it's revive God but shhhh let's pretend it's just continuance]''#You don't /have/ to do that Yves you just Want to pfft#But he wouldn't be the antagonist if he wasn't doing Something not quite right haha#The effects of the various gods' deaths are pretty interesting too since reality kinda needs them#It just keeps getting more and more shaky until it violently realigns back into shape when enough of them die - it's an interesting gradient#Yves you made a mess! What're you gonna do about it!#Yves: ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯#Silly boy (god-murderer) ♪
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I love writers I love when they ramble on abt characters and their motivations, their core values and the reasons why they react to things in certain ways and having character interactions work off of each other due to their differing ways of viewing the world and in general I just love character analysis
#as someone who loves humans and human behaviours and figuring out why people react to things the ways that they do#uhhh I'm actually surprisingly really bad @ writing characters with those same traits 😅#unless it is smth I can connect to on some sort of level like a few of my characters have issues that I specifically relate to#thereforee I can understand the ways they act in certain circumstances#BUT when it comes to characters that are like almost entirely outside of my wavelength it's pretty hard for me to understand how they work#and it's pretty basic habits and behaviours I just fuckin lack them in general#like the concept of clinginess or abandoment issues or wanting to stay around people who treat you badly or jealousy or missing people#also love like I understand my type of love but my type of love isn't typical from what I've seen from others#even some of my own past issues like dealing with trauma have kinda been lost on me especially bcuz I'm the type to ignore stuff#like I just ignored it til it came back to bite me in the ass and had to just kinda struggle with it and go completely numb#until I got tired of feeling that way and pulled myself outta it step by step and my various negative ways of thinking elude me#since I just gradually built myself up and rearranged my brain so that all negative thinking eventually turns into dust#whether be positive or purely neutral until I'm able to handle it better#REGARDLESS I try to get a sense of what these other traits are like and how exactly they work for people but it is VERY difficult for me#bcuz the stuff is just such an alien emotion to me like people get REALLY emotional about things that simply aren't a problem for me#and I wish I could understand why and what goes on in the brain that causes that but my brain just doesn't work that way#SOOO me trying to make characters of typical issues I see people having DOESN'T really work when I have no idea what's going on#like IN GENERAL my characters need to have more emotion behind them but the emotions I need them to have are#like I said before. something I totally lack ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ so I have no idea how to do it#I mean I think I need like a check list I need to make a list of traits my characters have in general cuz I never write anything down#it'd be easier to figure it out if I had words to go along with it and then I could figure out the behaviours behind those words#plus I need to draw my characters cuz I'm very much a visual person I can't get as good of a feel without some visuals along with it
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hello friends I am still on this earth
#ooc#I've just been falling pretty behind in self care lately#So I've needed to take some time focus on that stuff#I think im pretty much getting a handle on all things though. So I intend to get those drafts drafting#If not during the week then definitely on my weekend#I just needed a vacation from having thoughts for a while y'know how it is
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I got absolutely zero crafting done today because I was busy trying not to panic about being under a tornado watch (it's over with no tornadoes, all good now), playing Stardew Valley, and getting sidetracked by discussions about human teeth plushies here on tumblr, but crafting updates should hopefully resume tomorrow! I do have a baby blanket almost done I'll probably be able to finish tomorrow, I just haven't taken any progress pictures
#the person behind the yarn#I am like halfway through spring year 1 in stardew valley#and I think it's going well! I like fishing but am less fond of mining in game#but I've got a coop and a silo so far and have built enough hearts with villagers to start getting stuff in the mail#which is cool! I've mostly played Stardew Valley with the kidlet I used to babysit#and have been pretty much unable to build hearts with villagers or like...plan#it's a lot of fun playing stardew valley with him but it's a different kind of fun playing it by myself#and getting to play a little more strategically and hopefully actually complete the spring bundles in spring#just one more gold star turnip to go!
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" DO NOT CRY ANYA. YOU ARE HOME NOW. "
mutuals may like & reblog.
#˗ˏˋturns out i make things sometimes ⨾ edits.#˗ˏˋthere’s a pretty face behind all that ash ⨾ visage.#been a minute since i've made stuff for her hydra verse
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*Chomp*
"What are you doing, silly pup?"
*Lovingly noms Lance's leg*
"You're so strange."
Tags:
@darkelf-7
#may i present#Tris as a wolf pup!!#i used one of the pictures you put in your rb as reference#cause it gave me the idea for the story behind it#this whole art is stuff i dont usually draw so i keep feeling like it's bad aksjsks#i'm mostly worried about the eyes#i've never been very good at eyes tbh#but i think these ones are pretty okay#purple_strxnger#strxngersart#4koa#4kota#tristan liones#4kota tristan#lancelot#4kota lancelot#tristan x lancelot#lancelot x tristan#trislot#trislance#lancetris#lanstan#trilance#lantris#art#fanart#mine#my art#4kota fanart
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one of the many reasons Aabria is such a good GM is because of the very keen eye she keeps on the social dynamics and interactions that happens at the table and i absolutely Love her for it
#N posts stuff#ppl have been talking about it a lot for the interaction between Thorn and his followers -> the mostly joke the Player was making#about giving Ava advantage on an intimidate check turning into a Serious confrontation about the dynamic Thorn has w/ those followers#which is an Excellent example but i'm watching a court of fae ep and she does it really well here as well; in and After the convo rue & hob#have about the Goblin Court Marriage -> there's an overt Disparity in how Rue views courts and how Hob does that colors a kind of#miscommunication between them; Rue and Hob know each other as kindred spirits in feeling Alienated from their courts#but Rue tends to see themself as wholly Separate from their court (barely part of it at all) whereas Hob still clearly Does take a staunch#Identity as a Member of the Goblin Court -> so when Rue talks about the marriage and Hob's role in it they see it as something Hob is being#manipulated or Commanded into caring about whereas Hob pretty clearly seems to take it as a Personal wound - Rue doesn't care#about the dynamics or standing of their court bc they're Separate but Hob DOES care about those things bc he's still Part Of it#even if he still feels alienated from it at the same time; they take a different approach in how they feel in that alienation#which is why Rue's sentiment of 'take care of yourself' seems to leave Hob on the verge of tears; bc he doesn't Share that approach#and Aabria seemingly takes serious notice of this because the Immediate next convo is between Rue and an NPC who calls Rue out#for that disparity -> saying they're a Fool if they think that Everyone around them doesn't feel the Weight of their court behind them#ie; even though Rue sees themself as Separate they're still reaping a social Privilege in Being a member of their court anyway#a 'you can't have it both ways' kind of call out that is So choice and i love it a lot; rue having to Immediately confront#their own perceptions like that even tho they still wont quite Acknowledge it; tasty i love it <3#btw i've decided to start being SO annoying about my thoughts on subjects; this is bc i take So so many notes on them & i like to share :3#but my Fic Writing words have been screwed to hell lately so. one billion analysis posts upon ye instead
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Drawing something I actually like for the first time in almost a year, insane
#mostly I've just been doing tracings over photographs just to say I drew something#Absolutely no passion behind it#But goddamn I just exercised my artistic abilities for the first time literally in a year waaahhh...#I forgot it's fun to challenge yourself but it is kinda sad that I'm having to reteach myself stuff I used to know#I used to be sooooo good at drawing feet/shoes/legs from whatever angle and I worked hard to gain that skill#But I've kinda lost the mental image of what those angles look like!!!! Sad#It came back pretty quickly at least in part but I started worrying for a while omg#anyway I'm having fun and it's healing 😌
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#aaaaaaugh dude I MISS HIM i dont know what to say that hasnt already been said#but posting is so hard talking about him is so hard#every day i wait for his youtube to post a new video or for the technodad account to be like 'LOL YOU NERDS ACTUALLY FELL FOR IT'#he was just playing a long-con prank and It'll Be Fine and he just wanted to distract us while he worked on some new insane project#how am i still fully in denial 5 months later. it's almost been half a year#i cant watch his videos anymore. it was easy the 1st week and then it was impossible then it was easy again now it's impossible again#drawing in general is hard bc he was all i was drawing. he still is but im drawing WAY less and with pretty much no passion behind it#cant draw stuff for myself i just wanna draw him. partly bc of him but also bc that's where i made all my friends with you guys :(#i dont wanna go back to what i used to do. i wanna stay here. but it's really hard#i know i dont *have* to make my own posts and i can just reblog and ramble n stuff but. it feels weird not to#i save all my favorite things here. there's still clips i havent taken. art i havent made. fics i've never wrote (and never will lol)#i dont WANT to stop. it's hard to force myself to get back into it tho. there's no easy way to talk about him#it feels borderline unhealthy trying to keep it up#but i keep going into swings of ''i love it here so much i love you guys'' and ''i cant keep going im not strong enough''#so like. which is it. what's REALLY wrong??? i wish i could just go back to how things were aaaaa#idk what i mean by that really. just wish i could find some normalcy in it all whatever that would mean for me#idk if my issue is Him Being Dead or trying to run a blog for a guy who died. some combination. some secret third thing. augh#chat#tw death
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~
#PSA#Status update#out of character#Hey guys! I hope everyone's having a great start to their year#Things have been a little bit crazy for me and I haven't been on as much as I would like#I've also been trying to use my queue to space some stuff out#I do have a fulltime#often more than full-time job and a partnerAnd the job is pretty stressful sometimes#So I take a lot of breaks. I know I'm behind especially on starter calls#But I am trying to get to everyone#We're all here for fun and stress can really kill my muse#So I'd appreciate a little leniency. We're all here for a hobby after all#Everyone remember the old rp mantra: this is all for fun#I love you all <3 Thanks for being awesome writers#I've got like. 40 drafts im sorry everyone lka;sjfsd ily
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Your Weekly TV Guide
On Monday you can expect:
2:30 PM: Just Desserts - Villainsona
And Tuesday:
2:30 PM: Star Control II
Wednesday:
2:30 PM: The Sims 2 - SCII
Thursday:
2:30 PM: SCII
Friday:
2:30 PM: Handplates
Saturday:
2:30 PM: The Sims 2 - Handplates
Sunday:
2:30 PM: To the Moon - Rosawatts
Thanks for tuning in! (Patreon)
#Weekly TV Guide#Man this week just flew by for me - kinda overwhelming haha#Trying to balance everything has gotten precarious with all these soon-looming self-imposed deadlines! Trying to keep up!#I'm proud of how well I've been doing with it :) It's gotten kinda tricky lately tho haha#I'm managing! Still doodling and making and reading and playing between editing and writing and queueing haha#Speaking of queueing - MusicalBloodDrop and MusicalDrabbles are both back up and running! :D#Quite pleased!#MBD'll be going for another couple weeks but I was so behind on Drabbles that I'm set for a couple months lol#V'also go the Vargas sketchdump planned for next week - pls look forward to it :)#Hopefully this one won't break too badly lol#ANYway lol this week over here!#Lots of Sims 2 and Star Control and SCII-in-TS2 lol#Fun all around <3 I had a lot of fun making and screenshotting all of these hehe#Pretty sure this is also the last of the Handplates stuff for now - at least as far as what I've drawn lately#Never know when or what next haha#Well. I know what I've got coming up Soon hehe ♪
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I've been watching some of noah caldwell-gervais' road trip videos and let me tell you
waxing romantic about the landscapes of the american southwest hits me for double
#the wind eroded rock formations and cacti and the foothills and the wide expanses of scrubland are just so pretty 🥺#and don't even get me fucking started on the woodsy areas at higher altitudes#it sucks knowing that sooner or later I'll probably have to move to either like PNW or new england to flee climate change#because then I'll have to leave all this stuff behind#although I'm sure I'll fall in love with the landscapes wherever I end up all over again#whenever I've visited either it's always been super pretty too
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