#I've been on a Taskmaster kick lately

[apollohour]

[victorluvsalice]

Merry Christmas Newt!

@dont-offend-the-bees Sooo, you had no specific prompts for me, which opened the floor for me to write something -- weird. Something that combined a couple of things I know you're interested in, because I've seen them on your tumblr. Something that, specifically, crossed over your new obsession with the Saw movies...with a certain British gameshow hosted by Greg Davies that I myself rather like. I actually came up with this idea a little while back and meant to message you about it, but forgot -- and I'm kind of glad I did, because that allowed me to write this ridiculous thing as a surprise. XD Hope you find it funny!

Tasksaw

“Well – we’re in a bit of a pickle, aren’t we?”

“I’d say it’s more than just a pickle,” Josh snapped back, tugging on the chain attaching his leg to the wall to test its strength. Depressingly, it seemed to be pretty damn well bolted in there. “Or do you get drugged and wake up in moldy old bathrooms with your leg manacled to the nearest wall often?”

“I can’t say I have,” the other fellow – who’d introduced himself as James – admitted, giving his leg a cursory kick. The chain attached to it rattled, snaking across the filthy floor. “Though I have been in my fair share of shitty bathrooms before.”

Josh squinted at him. “Was that an intentional pun, or. . . ?”

James just gave him a smirk – which was quickly replaced by a frown as he looked around the room again. “It is a very odd place, though. You have any idea why we’re here?”

“Not a bloody clue, mate,” Josh said, letting his chain slip from his hands. “I mean, obviously we pissed off somebody, but I don’t know who or why.”

“Yeah, me either. The guys in Pindrop weren’t that upset about us breaking up,” James muttered, scratching his head. “Which was actually a bit insulting, if you think about it – oh! Hang on!” He snapped his fingers, pointing frantically at Josh. “We need to check that our kidneys haven’t been stolen!”

“Our – our kidneys?” Josh repeated, baffled.

“Yeah! That’s the main reason people get kidnapped, isn’t it?” James said, rolling up the side of his shirt to stare at his abdomen. “To get their organs harvested? And I rather appreciate having my kidneys inside my body!”

“You’ve been reading too many conspiracy theory sites,” Josh said – though he did slip a hand under his shirt, just to feel for any new scars. “Besides, I think we should have woken up in a bathtub full of ice if that was the case.”

“Nobody said our kidnappers had to be good at harvesting organs.”

“Excuse me!”

Both men looked up as the door on the far wall, just out of reach of their chains, opened, admitting a rather awkward-looking man with a scruffy beard and gapped teeth, dressed in a smart black suit and carrying an iPad. “Hello,” he greeted them, with a smile that didn’t seem entirely natural. “Would you like to play a game?”

Josh stared for a moment, trying and failing to come up with an appropriate way to respond to this. “Um. . .”

“What game?” James said, rolling his shirt back down and giving the newcomer a suspicious look. “Who are you?”

“Right, right, let me just. . .”

The man did something on his iPad, then held it up, displaying an image of a rather portly and extremely tall late-middle-aged man in glasses, sat upon an ornate golden throne. “GREETINGS, PEONS!” a powerful voice rang out from the tinny speakers. “Allow me to introduce myself – I am THE TASKMASTER! Your one true love, your reason for getting up in the morning, your NEW GOD AND MASTER! Over the next few days, I shall set you a series of tasks, overseen by my admin and general puppet-man Little Alex Horne! I shall score these tasks according to my whims, and at the end of our time together, whoever scores the most points wins the most valuable prize of all – THEIR LIFE! The loser will be killed in an appropriately ironic fashion. So play well, and amuse me. Puppet-man, I leave things in your hands. DON’T SCREW THIS UP!”

The recording ended in a burst of simulated static. The man – Alex – immediately pulled a piece of paper, folded and sealed with a red wax bearing a “TM” logo, out of his jacket and delivered it to Josh. “If you could just read that aloud, please?”

Completely and utterly baffled, Josh broke the seal and unfolded the paper. “‘Clean your half of this bathroom,” he read out. “‘Cleanest bathroom half wins. You have one hour. Your time starts now.’” He blinked, then looked up at Alex. “Clean – what? How?”

“All the information’s on the task,” Alex replied calmly, starting up a timer on his iPad.

Josh facepalmed into the paper. “Seriously? You’re going to be like this?”

“Well well well – looks like we’re going head to head on this one, Josh!” James said, with perhaps more enthusiasm than the situation warranted. “And I plan to win – puppet-man! Get me a cabbage and a red dress.”

[antisatiric]

i genuinely enjoyed it. (from Will! )

"Really? That's good, I wasn't sure, 'cause you're really ..."

He trails off, realizing too late that there's not a way to say what he's intending to without coming off as just a little mean. Twain's the sort of person who likes to share the things he enjoys with everyone, but he's more than aware enough to know that not everyone is going to have a good time doing the sorts of things he likes to do.

"... Well, y'know, we're pretty different people. To be honest, it surprised me you agreed to come in the first place. But I'm glad you did! Obviously." He pulls himself a little closer to Will, taking the arm he'd already been holding hostage even more hostage than before. Somehow. "I've just spent a lotta time workin' with high-brow people, y'know? A lot of 'em couldn't give enough of a shit to tag along with me to get a drink or somethin' after work, let alone, I dunno, do activities."

There are way worse ways to spend a Wednesday night, he remembers someone saying, then mentally kicks himself for not even being able to remember which of his friends it was.

"I had a couple friends who used to come with me to this kinda stuff, but they're all gone now." He shrugs, still sporting an easygoing smile. "Nobody's really come with me to do Karaoke since, so I haven't gone much. But it's fun."

taskmaster. / accepting.

[venusfalling]

I’m honored to have been tagged @darsynia 🥰 (Also, I LOVE Taskmaster, it's so funny)

Three Ships: Dick Grayson x Reader, Steve Rogers x Reader, and Tim Bradford x Lucy Chen (ACAB, but I love these idiots - it was a real slow burn)

First Ship Ever: Dick Grayson x reader (he's on here twice because I've loved this man since I was a kid and first watched Teen Titans)

Currently Listening: My latest playlist is just a combination of Hozier's new EP, The Crane Wives, and Ezra Bell

Last Movie: Probably Age of Ultron (I've been on a Steve kick as of late and I do not watch a lot of movies lol)

Currently Reading: Foundations by Isaac Asimov (I like a good sci-fi)

Currently Watching: Unorthodox (and WOW is it heartbreaking and so well done)

Currently Consuming: Trader Joe's chocolate milk (I cannot get enough, I'm like a kid again)

Currently Craving: A gin and tonic (what can I say? It's the weekend)

Ahh tyy for the tag! I was tagged by @drumsetinasadorchestra (I'm back on my bullshit and am doing all the tag games I was tagged in that I never had the energy or focus to do!)

~ tag people you want to get to know better

Three ships ~ Parker/Elliot/Hardison, 12th doctor/Clara, Katara/Zuko

First ship ever ~ probably John/Sherlock either that or Tony/Steve

Currently listening ~ my ai dj on Spotify is picking my music for me rn and I love him so much 🥺 he picked Waves by Dean Lewis

Last Movie ~ Shrek 4 with my niece which was actually a lot better than I was expecting

Currently Reading ~ currently in between books/fics at the moment cause I've been so busy but I do have a fic I'm planning on jumping on soon when I have the time 👀

Currently Watching ~ Doctor Who specifically the 12th Doctor since I stopped at 11 forever ago

Currently Consuming ~ Coffee ice cream even tho it's 11am but hey not like people here can judge 🤣

Currently Craving ~ A day to just relax watch a movie, read a book, write, play a game, just peace in general 😭

Tagging if you wanna join in if you don't that's fine too 💙 (also if anyone not listed wants to join in the fun please do and tag me 😄)

@bisexualterror, @ipanicatmorethanjustthedisco, @oneirataxia-girl, @theroseunblown, @stridingseer, @privateerstudies, @avarhodes, @qu-ilinn, @emphasis-on-the-oopsie, @al-pomegranate-seeds, @deniedmysign, @waterloou, @heirsoflilith, @darknightfrombeyond, @darth-caillic, @residentdormouse, @asirensrage, @toribookworm22, @polizwrites, @darsynia, @wordspin-shares, @inkspottedtea