#I've been freaking out about this for hours now
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twisted wonderland characters as things i've heard in the locker room... pt.4
(didn't think i'd do one of these again?? but its in memorial for "vil" who's on a break bc of what "ace" and "floyd" did💔)
("yuu" is what i responded)
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deuce: you never know man, some guys get off from being fingered by other guys
jack: are you speaking from experience?
deuce: what? no
epel: don't lie now baby
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floyd: trust me everybody in this school knows that i'm the shit and they about to smell it!
yuu: im pretty sure they always smell it.
floyd: whoa is yuu actually matching my freak today??.... wait a second.
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ace: yo i just found out that eggs work just as good as any lubricant!
jamil: not only are you late to practice, but that is the first thing you say.
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kalim: you know yuu, i find it relaxing when you call my house number in the middle of the night at precisely 02.34am just to rant about your girl friends
yuu: ...i dont do that though
kalim: then who's been calling me at 02.34am every night just to rant about her girl friends?!
(spoiler alert, it was one of the cheerleaders)
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floyd: dude its only been a few hours and i havent rubbed one out yet... im afraid that its gonna effect my kicking
yuu: just how comfortable are you guys with eachother..?
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deuce: it's not a gay thing
jack: there is no way two guys hooking up is not a gay thing!
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ruggie: now that we're bros, does that mean i'm half-black?
jamil: excuse me?
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floyd: whoaa get this guy a strap-on and yuu!
rook: what?
yuu: get the hell away from me.
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jack: OH HELL YEAH!!
jamil: BOOMSHAKALALA YES GOD!!
yuu: never seen those two actually express emotion.
jade: you cannot be talking
yuu: what?
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floyd: everytime i sink my humongous dick into this pocket pussy, i remember my mom
jamil: i'm sorry you WHAT
floyd: yeah? she gifted me this pocket pussy when i was a wee lil boy, im still grateful
lilia: gee i thought you were about to catch a case
leona: doesn't he already have cases of trespassing, drug dealing and almost running someone over?
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yuu: so anyone want red velvet cake? i got nervous yesterday and baked too much.
epel: got nervous? so you baked?
yuu: what? i have habits, i'm human unlike you dogs.
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jade: floyd, i'm pretty sure coach said to spit on the ball, not shit
floyd: he did? oh crap, sorry!
jamil: he shit on the... oh my god OH LORD IS THAT WHY IT WAS STICKY THE WHOLE DAY?? WHY DIDNT YOU TELL US EARLIER
jade: i was benched.
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kalim: hey i think that cheerleaders waving at me!
deuce: dude, look behind you.
kalim: huh? oh
yuu: hey ladies🔥🙏🏽😝😝 (with rizz)
(jokes aside, im quite popular with the ladies and dont know why)
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jack: okay who the HELL whacked off in the bathroom and didn't clean up?
floyd: i used a tissue
ace: i did it yesterday
epel: i flushed it down the toilet
leona: my bad.
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malleus: im not gonna lie, i've been feeling as if im not apart of the team
yuu: welcome to my world, dude.
malleus: ? why do you feel that way, yuu?
yuu: i dont have a penis.
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silver: oh yeah, hasn't yuu been courting this one guy from our class?
ace: no way? i thought she was lesbian
yuu: i'm sitting right here, you know.
#twisted wonderland#twst#football team#floyd leech#twisted wonderland smau#twisted wonderland x reader#twst x reader
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Thank you for sharing your AG letter. I've emailed mine. We're a red state, but I'm hoping that this is a big enough deal that he'll listen. Appreciate your updates without being alarmist. <3
Yay! I'm glad to hear it. As noted, it is especially important for red-state folk to reach out/badger their local GOP, using whatever formulations of language will be the most effective. Pretend to be a conservative or at least couch it in conservative language. Whatever gets the message across.
Also, I made the original post in part because all the other posts about the situation were -- understandably, but still -- very much "the sky is falling NOW and we're all gonna die," and that is part of what I mean about perspective and taking the long view. The first few weeks are exactly when they are going to be pulling out the biggest and most dramatic fascist stops and testing the water to see what they can get away with. Part of that involves "triggering the libs" and whatever else their underdeveloped fascist incel brains think is fun. Playing into the "omg omg we are all doomed NOW" narrative is exactly what they want, deprives you of thinking logically and taking a breath and identifying what you can do to take control, and is going to be repeated a heckuva lot more as they try to bombard you into disassociation. Overall, it is probably a good idea to take 48 hours before really responding to/actually severely freaking out about something, to see what is going to be done and who is taking action on it and if it has already been sued and etc. So yes.
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TLDR: my activity over the next week or so will probably be spotty. taking a small semi - hiatus but i'll still be lurking / writing from time to time but. just don't expect too much. i'm going to rant a little under the cut so forgive me, you don't need to really read it i'm just on the verge of crashing out and i need to vent, thank you.
my mental health at the end of 2024 wasn't great ( honestly all of 2024 was very hard for me ) and now with the state the US is in and having pretty much no way to leave or anything is freaking me out. the last few days all i've wanted to do is play LADs or honkai and watch youtube as a distraction. my spoons are low and i'm on the verge of tears what feels like every other hour so. with that being said i need to be honest with myself and say 'hey. you need a break'. so, for the next week or so i'm going to be sporadic with activity. i may only post one reply a day or none at all & i'm sorry but i told myself i'd be more real with myself and give breaks to myself cause well, this is a hobby & not a job. i've been pretty consistent with activity for a while and going into 2025 i told myself i'd take breaks and only write when i feel good so this is me sticking too that.
it's just . . . crazy to be acting like nothing is wrong and everything is cool when it's not. i feel bad for trying to distract myself but also, as a queer / non - binary person all this news and shit is exhausting and taking a toll on me mentally. all i've wanted to do the past week is cry and rot in bed. and i will be damned if i let that orange man steal away my happiness. i want to stay informed but also protect myself mentally when the past year has been so hard on me. i have depression, anxiety & ocd already. constantly exposing myself to scary news is just draining me entirely. it doesn't help that i live with my grandparents who are trumpies. but i don't have the means to move out so, i'm kinda stuck here.
idk. i just wanted to write this down somewhere so i could get it off my chest. if you read all of this post, thank you. you didn't need to.
if you need someone to talk to or need a distraction than, talk to me and i'm more than willing to vent or yell or talk about RP or whatever. discord is the best way to do that ( softsalem666 ) love you guys and thanks for reading, again.
#〈 ooc. ★ 〉#politics cw#vent cw#if you read this thank you#and i hope you have a good day#im going to try and write a lil bit before i dive into lads for the night
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kuumaa pictures of the day #100 ‼️
📸 screenshots from kuumaavirallinen's insta reel today (17.10)
#kuumaa#johannes brotherus#aarni soivio#jonttu luhtavaara#pic of the day#HAPPY 100 DAYS#ETO NA NGA#I've been freaking out about this for hours now#I'm so excited to see what they have cooked#kuumaavirallinen
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I’m literally drooling over the thought of sensitive Bucky whimpering and whining while fucking your tits and thighs he’s so pathetic and needy all he wants is to make you feel good and to fill you with his cum even if it overstimulates him
Okay, tit fucking is great and all but thigh fucking is SO underrated in my humble opinion. Could just be the fact I've got a small chest though lmao
It's so fun when you're already really into it and the insides of your thighs are all slick. I feel like Bucky would lose it, getting to see your face and look in your eyes and enjoy your body.
It's a nice one to do while laid on your side, facing each other. Although the angle isn't quite right for him to slip inside you, it's fun to explore the other ways your bodies can steal pleasure from one another.
"This isn't going to work, sweetheart." You can't help but laugh, having already tried everything you can think of to make the height difference work. There's no way to keep this romantic and intimate in that position because there's just no chance of aligning your bodies properly to allow him to press inside you.
"Maybe not. But it feels nice anyway." His eyes flutter shut, gliding his dick over the smooth, soft, warm insides of your thighs, encouraged by how slick and easy your arousal makes the movement.
You adjust yourself to bring your other thigh on top of his length, closing him in on both sides.
You're wet enough that friction doesn't impede his movement too much and there's something oddly romantic about it. Maybe it's his hand smoothing the back of your head or his other hand up your back, pulling your body closer to his.
It's so intimate, watching his face as he whines your name, rutting senselessly against your thighs. The little flush to his cheeks is beautiful and you can't resist kissing the thin sheen of sweat on his forehead. The thick duvet on top of you both, coupled with your combined body heat means the room is far hotter than you'd planned.
You take a second to reach between your bodies, spreading your wet folds and readjusting his length, letting him drag his cock against your neglected clit with each stroke and oh, that's pretty mind-blowing.
"O-oh my God." He whines, desperately fucking himself against your wet cunt, rather than into it. It's a different kind of pleasure to being inside you and while they're not comparable sensations, it doesn't stop this from feeling fantastic.
"Fuck, that's good." You groan, rolling your hips to meet his. Your fingers dip between you once more, gathering some of your slick arousal, using it to glide your fingertips over the underside of his shaft and over his balls.
"Holy shit, that's - fuck." Bucky's hardly got a coherent thought left in his head. He's closed in on both sides by your wet, soft thighs and now your fingers are giving him a different sensation underneath while pressing him against your soaked sex.
"I know, baby. Feels good, doesn't it?" Your fingertips trail lightly back and forth over the underside of his shaft, focusing on the inch or so beneath the tip.
"I can't... I need to cum." He groans, thrusting frantically, clinging to your body to keep you close. Within a few seconds, you feel his dick pulse under your fingertips, his cum coating the inside of your thighs in hot, thick, messy spurts.
He doesn't waste a second, kissing your forehead before kissing your neck and whispering "Good girl. Now let me watch you get yourself off with my cum on your fingertips."
#asks answered <3#becca writes spice#anon#needy!bucky#Bucky Barnes x reader smut#bucky barnes smut#sub!bucky#was this one something I've been fortunate enough to try? Absolutely.#and has it bounced around in my head ever since?? yep#I've got so many 💦sports asks#and I've been really hesitant to answer them bc I have people I know irl on here now#but honestly if my interests so far haven't freaked you out#those probably won't either#I made the best overnight oats last night I've been thinking about them all day#white chocolate chunks with raspberries and peanut butter#with oat milk#and I'm using that to distract me from the fact I'm locked out of my work emails and I can't do my Sunday evening email clear up#it's freaking me out that I can't get into them#that'll mean I have so much to do tomorrow morning#I'll probably lose my hour home on the train tomorrow trying to catch up#I love my hour to work and my hour home from work on the train#that's my me time#where I read my silly little book and chill
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I feel like I'm digging myself deep into a hole and finding nothing, trying to figure out more about In-ho's family
#i've been hyperfixating for probably over an hour#just googling and looking at pictures and squid game wiki and using google translate in hopes that it's not translating wrong#i'm tired#this hyperfixation is strong#but idk i'm not getting anywhere#all i found out is that gihun's mom and junho's mom have the same first name for some reason#idk is mal-soon a common korean name?#also i found out that the data they get for the files on the players is just data that you can find by looking a person up enough#because in gihuns file for family there isn't any father listed and the same goes for inho#also for inho the only parent that is listed is his stepmother and not his actual mother#also junho was born when inho was 16#that's not a hidden detail that's just math#anyways#idk they could be not putting names of parents because it's important or maybe it's also entirely unimportant#i'm rewatching (or trying to) season 1 actually for an entirely different reason but i've been hung up on this for too damn long and now#it's getting dark outside and i feel like i#*like i've wasted my whole afternoon for basically no information#idk i'm thinking too much about backstory but if we look at seasons 1 and 2 we can see that squid game is really not a backstory heavy show#ore more like#there's not really any flashbacks and most backstory stuff/stuff from the past is only ever mentioned in like a throwaway line#if we're talking about family and all that#anyways i need to Stop or i'm gonna freak out#okay i'll tell you what i actually wanted to do and that's draw#and specifically do that 'do you think we would find each other in every universe trend' with saebyeok and jiyeong#but for that i need to watch the marbles game conversation they had and so i'm watching until that maint now#*point#so#if you've read up until now you're welcome or i'm sorry... idk#squid game#hwang in ho
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sometimes I forget that my experience has been. um. not 'your experiences are not universal' vibes but more like 'your experiences are EXTREMELY atypical'
#red said#recent events have reminded me that my life has involved like. a LOT of other people's psychosis#like not in a way where i have been Beset By Terrifying Crazies bc that's not like. a thing.#but a lot of people in my life have had a lot of really severe psychotic episodes#and i FORGET sometimes. that actually that is an Unusual Amount Of Experience With Psychosis for someone who's not#for somebody who has not really personally ever had psychotic episodes (unless severe PTSD flashbacks count)#actually i tell a lie i have maybe had One psychotic episode but because it was very situational and i knew what was happening#i was able to ride it out. because i am literally only psychotic Inside Hospitals and so that's all fine#as long as i LITERALLY NEVER HAVE TO HAVE INPATIENT CARE. Very important to me to never ever ever require surgery i think.#i can handle the amount of psychosis i get from a 1-4 hour stopoff in hospital#as long as i know I'm leaving soon then i can just Cope with the fact that the walls are moving and reality is thin#ANYWAY that's not the point the point is i forget! that most ppl i know have experience of at most a handful of severe psychotic episodes#some people i know have experienced more for sure. especially if the episodes were mostly theirs.#but people really seem to expect me to be more freaked out by their symptoms of psychosis than i am#bc i don't think i really register it as frightening unless they're in actual danger or Currently Aggressing Actually At Me#like i WORRY about them bc it can super suck but it's not SHOCKING or WEIRD#there have definitely been times ive been frightened. one time i woke up in the night and my friend was standing over me with a knife#but also like he was still HIM he was just having a moment. and as soon as i got the knife off him he just came back and broke down.#and we were fine and he was safe and i learnt the valuable lesson that even when people seem like they wanna kill you they probably don't#tbf now I'm thinking about it it's honestly a tossup whether he was there to threaten or because he felt a need to guard us#like to be clear probably don't try and take a knife off someone having a psychotic break. i was 17 and it was 3am and i knew him very well#i probably did not make the smartest call but nobody got hurt is the point#anyway you know there's that kind of psychotic episode and my granny got very violently angry a few times. buuuut you know there's also#been plenty of other times I've been with somebody having an episode and it's been chill as hell.#my ex saw and heard monsters so much that eventually she just got sick of being scared. we used to watch TV with them#i would sometimes have to sit on a bit of sofa that wasn't haunted and we might not be able to watch certain things bc they didn't like it#most of the time she was hallucinating there was absolutely nothing to worry about we just had a few extra variables#honestly of everyone i know who's had psychotic episodes or schizophrenia the amount of times it's been a material risk#is like. low single figures? maybe low double if you include self harm but idk what the cause and effect is there.#idk why you would need to be frightened like 99.99% of the time it truly is usually just Oh No That Seems Distressing For You I'm Sorry
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Nixie! I’ve come to bother you again!
Just watched the Blue Angels documentary and now all I can imagine is Jake and Bradley being new recruits for the team. 2 years of living in each other’s pockets, learning to be a unit but also being able to critique each other’s flying.
I would imagine they get the 2 solo spots, but maybe they’re in the diamond! Trusting each other to be within 18” of the other’s jet wing/canopy.
The pride, the camaraderie, the other daggers coming out to watch their shows when they can. The show in Miramar being watched by the whole crew (TG86 and TGM)!
-Snow ❄️
SNOW!!! Okay, I LOVE this. Like, love it. Also reminding me I enjoyed that doc and it sparked ideas I had forgot about because yes!! Similar brain's friend!
Am in desperate NEED of a Blue Angels Hansgter AU now. Like just the thought of them having to learn to trust one another like that, living out of each other's pockets like that!!! It makes my brain go !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! no lie.
Before I toss angst on this, but yes!! The 86 Flyboys and the Daggers coming to all the shows they can, much easier for the flyboys because most are retired, and the daggers never miss a show if they can help it! They are so immensely proud of Jake and Bradley! Most of the daggers, Javy and Nat especially never thought they would see the day Jake and Bradley could be Jake and Bradley and not just Hangman and Rooster! So it's all cheers and camaraderie and love. They also definitely all make it to the final show (Ice and a few of the others pull strings to ensure everyone can always make it!)
Okay, but now to add some angst on here, imagine a freshly broken up Hangster being selected to join the Angels and them having to be open and honest about their issues with the committee about it because you need to be able to completely trust every pilot you go up with, need to know their heads, their minds are going to be solely focused on the mission, on their jobs. And somehow they do manage to get selected together and somehow learn to put aside their issues and learn to focus solely on flying and learning and being the absolutely best, you know, the reasons they got selected in the first place! And over time they learned to talk about their feelings and their issues and what went wrong and how maybe they could try again and them being adult about it and waiting to fully talk about that possibility until they finish, because neither wants to fuck it up for anyone.
And on a completely different note, think about all those enforced training hours and traveling hours and that being how they both clue into the fact they've actually been in love with one another all these years and deciding after one night of amazing, mind blowing sex, to wait to try anything serious until after, because Jake doesn't want to test fates by adding emotions and relationships into an already high stressed and fickle posting (and because he needs to test if Bradley is serious about them, about him!). And Bradley is happy to wait t out because Jake is worth waiting a few more months to have and hold and love for the rest of his life!
#nixie answers#hangster#snow's questions#tmg#top gun maverick#blue angels au#au#sereshaw#I'm sorry for the late response!#life has been happening and i should be sleeping right now because i need to be up in less than 4 hours#but i can't sleep because I have no phone this week and i'm freaking out about it greatly#even though i'm literally just waiting on a battery replacement#to have the problem solved#but like i can't access so many things because I don't have my cellphone working#so i just keep stressing about it#and i've kind of been sitting on this ask because it's been bringing me joy while dealing with offline life
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can someone tell me why im being abnormal about a character i've barely touched the content of. like yay yippie i watched like 20 hours of you. there's fucking 80 years of content get me OUT OF HERE?
#yeah this is about nightwing. yes im a freak about him no i don't do well with comics#shout out to duke thomas in the we are robin comic i've had in my browser tabs for three weeks now#sorry king.#i mean i guess it makes sense because theres So many characters in media that you can't even get 20 hours out of . but. BUT ITS NOT FAIR.#i want to read comics so bad. i try to. i have. i've started several#blue beetle 2009 nightwing 2016... superman & batman world's finest#i was able to finish teen titans world's finest but that was only. like. six issues#comics as a medium just has this thing where. you're dropped in and it kinda expects you to know what's happening#and leaves you feeling like you started on the wrong page. like blue beetle. loved you but man that was not the greatest first comic to rea#wait i forgot i read hawkeye 2011(?) and that also had the same issue. but more so each installment like#felt like it was starting on a point AFTER something happened like i was meant to be reading another comic before i got to that issue.#i got. like. idk 18? 19? comics into that one. and 12 into nightwing. nightwing wasn't as bad but it just. gah. like several-issue long#stories carried across batman and nightwing and its like.OUGH.#i know im mutuals with a comic person. hi. i know you're cringing.#there are so many good characters to come out of comics. its just SO HARD to get into.#rn i dont have an excuse with We Are Robin. just that i've been infected with needing to play the sims for 8 hours a day.#mika-posts
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My father keeps texting me like a desperate ex begging for just one more chance please please please please and it's starting to freak me out
#SIR TAKE YOUR ATIVAN#at 4 this morning i finished baking cookies (i stress-bake) and went to watch house and doze on the couch and he started freaking out#he was like texting me ''you don't have to come visit me but my parents want to see you'' ''are you afraid of me?''#''i don't want you to be afraid of me'' ''have i ever hit you?'' ''i've never hit you i'm all bark but no bite''#''i would never hurt you i would die before hurting you'' ''if you're afraid of me you need to tell me [596372 sobbing emojis]''#like. sir. i've been justifiably afraid of you for years and ironically you freaking out about that is in fact making matters worse#he was LOSING IT i'm so serious ☠️#he's lucky he has a bleeding heart liberal psych degree daughter who believes in rehabilitation and is just injudiciously saintly#you bet your ass my brother isn't talking to our dad and sending him cat pictures and letting dad call him THREE TIMES in two hours#because my brother is far wiser than i. now i'm getting the increasingly unhinged ex treatment and idk how to hit the back button#man i was just trying to give my dad a reason (...*besides* the restraining order‚ ig?) to want to change. thank god his parents are there#it's getting weird folks!!#he's also somehow convinced he and my mother are going to stay married. ummmmmmmmmmmm#personal#marla's dad is a shithead.txt#abuse tw#abuse cw#tw abuse#cw abuse#abuse
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Feel free to ignore this, yapping into the void makes me feel better
Bros... The day I had went from good, to eh, to wtf
Even my own body tried to kill me today what /hj
#Vent warning#Because complaining makes me feel better :P#My luck strikes again....#I knew I had too many good things happening too many times in a row without back falls UAGHHHHH#RELEASE MEEEE I DON'T WANT THE BAD LUCK DAYS PLEASEEEEEE#Also legit feared for my life for a good 20 minutes but I'm okay#Stupid ah went into shock seeing blood where there shouldn't have been#Feinted in the shower but didn't get a concussion when I hit my head yippie#I literally felt like the whole world was upside down when I fell#I am so smart I turned off the water before blacking out hehe#also immediately went to unlock the door when I woke up#Shout out to the bestie/roommate for talking about anything else to help me recuperate and not freaking out about my state#accidentally flashed her oops#Almost feinted again at seeing the blood still appearing but I pulled through like a G#Also what I mean by everything trying to get me today#Choked on water like 3 times throughout the day#The room divider almost completely fell on me#The PMS PAINS#And TMI body issues that caused the blood yay#Said issues causing discomfort all day and last night uaghhh only 3 hours of sleeeeeep#Class wise and productivity wise twas a good day it was smooth and I had fun drawing#My overall safety 💥💥💥💥💥 uogh#Honestly i'm surprised I don't hurt anywhere from falling#Praise be that I dropped myself on my head repeatedly as a child#I'm not gonna die we chilling#It's not that serious of issues I've been through way worse#Going back to being happi and drawing now it's all in the void#cw blood#tw blood#Vent
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im sorry i have to rant im so fucking pissed
my exams end on 19th and I have to get rid of some books and buy some books which are quite pricy online so I had planned on going to college street on 20th and selling my books and buying the new ones at a cheap price and i was frankly really excited about it because all I get is a one day break to relax bcz i have to start studying for entrances from 21st so all I have is 20th and i wanted to spend it at college street and then get some food and basically have like a solo date kind of thing.
and i was so so excited about it i told my boyfriend about it like 500 times bcz i kept forgetting i've already mentioned it and it was literally on my mind a lott so i kept bringing it up and ik it seems like not a big deal cz i can just sit at home and chill too but i literally do not get to go outside my house. like- the last time i went out was new years eve and after that the only time i've gone out is to school or to give my boards that is it. my mother has some weird like problem wiht me going out like even if i tell her that i just want to go to our terrace for 5 minutes just to get some fresh air she won't even allow that she'll be all suspicious and like sTaNd In ThE bAlCOnY aNd TaKe FrEsH aIr like she herself doesnt leave the house (and blames it on me and my brother ???? when have we ever stopped you bro, she said I HaVe To Be HeRe To KeEp An EyE like im 18 i dont need to be watched 24/7 stop blaming me for choices you put upon yourself) and i just feel so suffocated ALL THE TIME i feel so overstimulated and im so sick of rotting on my bed and i dont want to wait for some birthday party or friends meet up to be able to leave my goddamn house i just wanted to go and have a fun day and get me some books thats it.
anyway so initially the plan was that my mom would go along but something came up so she wanted to postpone it to 21st and i didn't want to bcz i'd already be missing 3 days bcz of my boyfriends birthday, holi and my brothers birthday (all of which are important and i dont want to miss which makes me the villain apparently bcz i should "adjust" and cancel my "parties" instead of trying to stick to my plan bcz that makes me too demanding and selfish apparently) so i suggested that ukw why dont u go do ur thing which came up and i'll go to college street by myself...which is when the solo date idea came which i had really wanted all along but didnt bring up bcz i knew she'd say no but now there's a valid reason for me to go alone so like, its a pretty easy fix i can just go alone but noooo. First of all,
I've been to college street multiple times before so its not like its an unknown area to me
im going by metro which is quite safe
im going when there is stark daylight and i will return home much much before it gets dark and im literally 18
she never lets me go anywhere alone, not even take ubers alone if i want to get back from somewhere my bf has to come drop me everytime and then go backwards to his house which is so so so stupid and i never get to go out alone unless accompanied by family or by a male friend, so obv when i said i'll go to college street alone she refused to let that happen and started screaming about how 'if its so important to go on 20th bcz u dont want to miss a day of studying then cancel ur 'parties' and study then' and i was like no its not about missing a day its just that there's a very easy and logical fix to this problem which is i go alone and its not inconveniencing anyone so why cant i just do that but she will not listen to that bcz im 'adamant' and 'everything has to be according to me' bcz i found a viable solution to the problem. so instead of letting me just go she was literally ready to pay much more money and buy the books online, like.....why cant i just go bro??? (and she keeps telling me im a waste of her money bcz i will amount to nothing in life and my education was a failed investment or wtv so like now why are u wasting more money??? im literally trying to save the money that u 'waste' on me so just let me ???)
anyway i called my dad last night and told him and he was super ok with the idea he said its a good idea that i go alone and that he would speak to her but then today when i asked her if dad spoke to her she said yes, we'll go on 20th and i was like .....we? so apparently she CANCELLED her previously immovable thing for which she wanted me to cancel my 'parties', she cancelled that and agreed to go with me on 20th just so that i dont get to go alone- like ???????????????? what is ur problemmmm
so obv i was super annoyed and i went on a whole ass rant about how i literally struggle to even cross roads bcz i dont know shit about basic travelling bcz all my life ive been in a car and its a running joke with all my guy friends that i 'cannot navigate' and 'dont know any places' and obv??? if im never allowed to go anywhere then how tf will i know the places- the only places i know is bcz recently i've been paying a lot of attention and asking my dad stuff about what roads to take to reach certain places and when i go out with my friends i kind of try and learn a bit but thats it i've only ever gone alone completely alone to two places which is my beauty parlour thats 5 minutes away from my house and one bazaar one time that was 2 bus stops away, thats it. thats my extent of public travelling alone. and now im supposed to go to a whole new STATE for college and i cant even call myself an auto without struggling. and like- is this not a basic life skill??? like ok yeah its not rocket science and i will probably figure it out even if i start later in life but why not now? most of my guy friends literally go everywhere alone, why not me? and my dad agreed with all of this but my mom was just like "you'll be in the hostel only, no need to go out of the campus" like ARE YOU FOR REAL????????? and she's like "if u want to learn skills learn how to cook" like ok yes i will also learn how to cook for sure but i wont have a fucking kitchen in the hostel but somehow cooking is an urgent skill i should learn but going places by myself is unimportant bcz i should just never? leave? the? hostel?
anyway after much screaming and shouting my dad gave up and just cut the call bcz he doesnt want to get into an argument with my mother and my mother was being all suspicious like why do u hAvE tO gO aLoNe AlL oF a SuDdEn even though i literally explained why i want to do this alone but she doesnt think thats valid. so she refuses to let me go and i asked her for one reason why i shouldnt cz usuallt its always "no u have exam what if smthn happens" but now i literally dont even have exam so whats ur excuse now? streets will always be unsafe forever so "what if smthn happens" is not a reason to never let me go out without a man so just gimme one reason and she couldnt give me a single reason she just said "i said no, thats it".
and now she's gone off about how im useless and blah blah and "high maintainance" bcz i want books and "everyone else (some pishi's son) just studies online" and so the whole option of college street is apparently now cancelled and she's trying to set up a whole ass kindle account (half the books i need arent even available as ebooks) just because i wanted to go by myself.
#in our house kids dont stay outside past 6:30pm'' but now all of a sudden its fine for my brother to play#till 10:30 at night#she literally stopped me permanently from going down in the evenings since i was in class 7-8#this is why ive never had any friends outside of school bcz she wouldnt let me leave ths fucking house#and now that my brother is in class 7#he's allowed to be out playing with his friends till 10 freaking 30#he comes home an hour late sometimes...45 minutes and almost always at least 30 minutes late at NIGHT and she says nothing except like#one sentence#yeah im only the villain i only keep u locke#up in the house its all my fault#this is just so damn unfair#like literally insulting#im not a child what is her problem#what sort of fucking solution is 'never leave the hostel' like ok even if i do that what happens then??? after i graduate?#i'll be a 24 year old who doesnt know shit about going from one place to another without a man present]#and then this woman preaches how she 'always raises her son and daughter equally' like srsly shut the fuck up#my whole life i've been told abar late?''#and for me bcz i would come home 5-10 minutes late nd i did it maybe once or twice she made me completely stop going down to play#5-10 minutes late from 6:30 wherein he comes an hour late from 9 fucking 30#and this sounds so stupid bcz im an 18 year old now and i dont give a fuck abt how long i got to play but its just unfair dude#with me it was always smthn or the other either exams or she gets miraculously sick every time i want to go out to play#im not even kidding she did a whole “i have fever and ur going to leave me like this and go play?” on me one time bcz i was adamant abt goi#after months of not being able to go bcz of exam or smthn or the other#she did not have any fever it was fucking bullshit#and how am i supposed to help with ur imaginary fever anyway im literally 12#its so fucking annoying man and then if i say anything at all she'll go on a tirade about how#like YOU DO THOUGH??????? im sorry ur feelings are hurt bcz i said you do smthn that u LITERALLY DO#istg not even 2 days ago she was having a fight with my dad abt how he should teach my brother to learn how to cycle so that he can go buy#groceries#i can cycle
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#serious clash between my specific flavour of brain issues and my wife's specific flavour of brain issues today#where she had complete over stimulation issue and just wanted to be held perfectly still and silent#which i did#but all the while by brain has gone completely the other way and is totally understimulated and starting to freak out#because it's too quiet and I'm sitting too still and I've only done boring necessary things today#and things i hate doing#but now I'm pinned in place#and i want to be there for her and make sure she's okay and not make things worse#but I'm about this far from having a meltdown because i need. to do. something. anything. i need sound. i need to make something#or write something or ANYTHING#so i sit there tapping the fingers on my free hand repeatedly back and forward back and forward#but as quietly as i can because i don't want to make things worse#we're both okay now#but yeah#probably delete this later#i just needed to get this out of my head#because i don't really know how to deal with it if it happens again#i don't want to not be able to be there in the way she needs#but i also don't want to end up making things worse for both of us#idk#I've not felt it that bad before#but it's definitely been worse lately#my concentration levels are LOW#executive function is LOW#need to be doing at all times is HIGH#need for multiple stimuli is HIGH#but like i fluctuate#sometimes i get like i did today and sitting still is THE WORST THING ANYONE HAS EVER FORCED ME TO DO ACTUALLY#other times I'm begging my brain to let me do the thing but instead end up sitting there doing god know what for hours#it makes no damn sense
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i just got home and can i just-
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#lakes thoughts#i will complain in the tags#so as if im not already congested i had so much wind in my face on the way home AND it's starting to rain so i could barely fucking breathe#and i noticed on the way home my bag strap broke which already sucked#but#then i fucking realized#i keep my bus pass on the strap on a little thing#and said little thing was Gone#so i had to go back out into the shitty weather to retrieve it#while im freaking out a bit bc i just spent $120 on my monthly pass i Can't Lose That#and I've already had to replace my card TWICE DAWG I CAN'T DO THAT AGAIN!!!!!#thankfully i found it but then i had to walk back home with the wind n stuff hitting my face directly again#and now i have to figure out what to do about my bag lol but man#ugh#i should have been home half an hour ago
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I just had the horrible thought that I need to fall in love because having devastating crushes on beautiful, competent, authoritative women that I desperately want to please is exhausting and I need it to stop
#this one is straight so there's no room for delusion which is good#but my burning need to be her most favorite is eating me from the inside#it IS making me better at my job though#.......i mean i think so but what the fuck do i know#on friday night amongst the grueling psychosexual chaos that ensued a very smart guy that I LOVE said to me#i have no doubts you're gonna be a great psychiatrist actually#i traded a month with him to have another month with her#he's a phenomenologist she's a psychodynamic....ist? rival theories#I don't like most of psychodynamic theory.......so far#but i love the way she works and i can see how well it fits with her manymanyMANY patients and goddamnit i love personality dosorders#so i made the choice to go with her yes and im very torn casue i LOVE that guy and i wish i could become his friend like my bff from my year#also.......kind of dumb of me since I'd only soend two days a week woth her and the other three with very scary ladies#but I've been in scarier situation i can manage#and god when she praises me (silently obv she's only been forward about my merit ONCE and i almost pissed myself like an overexcited dog)#the endorphin rush is........man#but yes i need to work on this.......idk how to define it. closest i can get to explaining it is professional sub space#with strong aspects of praise kink#pathetic is what it is really#but hey if it makes me study harder who fucking cares right#I'm gonna be the smartest most intuitive fucking bitch amongst my peers so if I can't have her (them) carnally then goddamnit#I'LL HAVE THEIR PRAISE AND RESPECT AND ADMIRATION AT LEAST#........I'll be normal again in a week or two i just need to get over these next couple of days of....idk. inflammation i guess#yeah it's just like an infected wound right now#angry red throbbing hot pain#i know the drill it'll be better in a couple of days you just need to not freak out and let it do its thing#it's nice to be mature-r about emotional impulsivity and the shame that comes after an episode of deregulation#it really doesn't have to be a big deal even while it still feels like it#it still hurts but it's like......hour three of a tattoo. it's a bitch but you know it's gonna be over eventually and wriggling won't work#the only thing left to do is enjoying it all while it's happening or trying to#I don't think I'm doing a great job but what're you gonna do right
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Finally!!! After the disaster that was last year I have him! Odysseus you can avoid me no longer 🥰
Plus he brought with him not one, but two general pool servants I've really wanted! Good rolls all around 💞
#post: pull#fg0#Seig was the 4 star i had on my LONG lost first account#I've been longing for him to surprise me sometime for... LITERALLY years at this point and at last he's back <3<3#lets not talk about that it freaks me out to think about it... had to reopen fgo just to make sure everything was still in order#Arjuna!! very happy to have him now!#I was planning on using our next ssr ticket to get him because i've been so charmed by him these last couple months#i followed an arjuna blog recently (you may be familiar with them) and they've really opened my eyes to his charm points#so i'm delighted. i think it's very funny both him and Karna surprised me off banner lmao.#I kinda wish I had more to say about the man of the hour now that I said all that stuff about the other two but... i mean...#I mostly wanted him cause his design fucks... sorry for being shallow#once i get to know him better i'll have more to say!
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