#I'm used to being able to take pain meds when i get a headache but Not This Time

[nobodybetterlookatme]

Fevers are cool except when they happen to me

[evilminji]

Okay, so maybe it's just me? Projecting my new Tea Phase?

Cause for med reasons, no more energy drinks, only Teeeeeeaaaaa~☆

But honestly? Now that I am an adult and ACTUALLY KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT? Really digging it! Am enjoying the Teas. Mmmmmmm~ leaf broth. I like the fruity ones.

So! IMAGINE~☆ If you will:

Danny. 14 and his parents are LOUD AS FUCK (CRASH BANG SMASH BANG WHIIII-) dispite it being, once again, a school night. This has been going one For Years. That STUPID fucking machine. All God damned hours. Crashes and bangs and powertools. Explosions.

When will it ever end!

He's... he's honestly used it.

Unknowingly? This is is a skill that will come in handy later. Living and functioning while sleep deprived. Healthy? Fuck no. But it's USEFUL. He IS the ten year old downing Monster drinks in the parking lot before school.

It makes him a jittery weirdo. Twitchy. Too much caffeine, not enough sleep, his parents either blew up or TOOK APART the washing machine AGAIN. He... he never stood a chance. It's a miracle the indoor plumbing hasn't been compromised yet... AGAIN.

His blood is more sugar, caffeine, and guarana or whatever those other things in the can are, then actual human blood. He doesn't CARE. He just needs too get decent grades, graduate, and become an astronaut. It's... it's FINE. This is normal. They're FINE.

(If they weren't... someone would have noticed, right? Would have DONE something. Cared. So it HAS to be fine. His family's just weird. It's FINE.)

But THEN...

The Accident.

And his biology CHANGES. Green goo, wrapped vicious and loving, around his very DNA. Like Kintsugi of the body and soul. In green, Green, GREEN. It... it's a lot. Everything changing all at once. Maybe that's why it takes him so long to notice.

Why he thinks "oh, I'm just tired cause I'm running more then usual. Fighting and flying. Doing ghost stuff."

When... when honestly? Some part of him always kinda KNEW. From the very moment he stumbled out of the portal. The aftershocks. The pain. Sam and Tucker crying, scrambling to help him up the stairs. Sam tearing her bag apart looking for her cramps medicine. Because... because pain medication is pain medication.

"It's gonna be okay, Danny. Please. Please god, just take it! I promise it's gonna be okay!"

How do you look your panicked, crying, strongest-person-you-know best friend in the eyes and tell her... you can FEEL it dissolving in your throat. Like the pills were dumped in a human shaped pot of acid. That... that the pain isn't changing... and you... you don't think it's going too.

When you're scared. Might be dying. And you can already tell they think it's their fault. W... when you're all just KIDS. And all you can think is... you can let them know how bad... how bad it hurts...

They'd never be able to live with that knowledge.

Yeah. Yeah, Sam. Thanks. T... The pills helped a lot. He feels better. You really saved the day. He lo... loves you guys so much.

...

.....

He thinks about that moment A LOT. About how much he realized and knew, before the denial kicked in. Before he got so... Tired. Fresh of all that energy. And? You'd think he realize. The mood swings. The irritability. The headaches that disappear the SECOND he goes ghost. That he's in caffeine withdrawal. But? Nope.

He kinda blames the constant ghost attacks for distracting him.

But see... Sam? Doesn't drink tea. Goes against her diet. Tucker was where he GOT his illicit borderline illegal energy drinks. And his sister? Big on flavored sparkling waters. Which are gross to him.

His PARENTS drink a thick tar they insist is coffee. It might be liquid fudge. Zone knows its nearly the same consistency. It's horrifying. No thanks, he wants to LIVE.

It's? Ironically? Mr. Lancer and his constant detentions, that help Danny realize somethings up. Because Mr. Lancer shares. If he makes a cup for himself, he'll make one for you. It's how he was raised. And, yeah, the after school detentions? Those were herbal blends. No caffeine.

But...

But they tasted nice. Were warm. The classroom was quiet and as frustrating as it was? The tea itself? Was always... the one exception to how shit the situation was. So Danny finally broke down and asked about it. Learned Mr. Lancer knew a? Surprisingly LOT about tea. Huh.

Then one day he gets SATURDAY detention. Oh joy!

Bright and early. One of the few times he could be trying, desperately, to be sleeping through his parents cacophony. Catching up on his desperately needed Zzz's. Here he is... getting a handed a new cup of different tea?

Breakfast blend? And a bagel..

N...none hostile breakfast? A quiet space to catch up on his homework? No Dash? Just... just a quiet classroom, some tea, and the sounds on a peaceful morning outside?

......oh.

It's the best time he's had in school in... God, in YEARS. He gets so MUCH done. For once can concentrate. And? Actually, now that he thinks about it? Feels... awake? Or at the very least, not as sleepy. And being a Fenton, whom to the LAST are a genius if eccentric family, it's pretty damn easy to put two and two together.

Tea.

He felt more awake after having Lancer's breakfast blend tea.

He obviously asks about it. Then, after detention is done. Calm packs up. Goes home. Drops his back in his room. Goes ghost. And SHOOTS for the Far Frozen with his phone and an energy drink. Because clearly he's missing something and it's time to ask.

The good doctors of the Frozen are... gently horrified. Clawed hands steeples infront of their mouths as they try to tactfully figure out how to word "Great One, WHAT THE FUCK!?!? Why would you DO THIS TO YOURSELF!?" Because that... is not professional. Breathe. In, out, in, out. We can do this.

They get the most patient and restrained of their elders to... CALMLY, very VERY Calmly, ask some medical questions. Listen. Without judgements! Because they are medical professionals. Who do NOT want to scream, forever, into the void. Certainly not. So Calm! (They are going to BURN THAT CAN IN-)

Which! Huh. Yeah, that explains the constant exhaustion. He was poisoning himself. Kinda. Not so much the GHOST but the human half. Putting to much strain and too much trace chemicals, minerals, and buckets of sugar. General "mmmm :/ Don't Like THAT ™" energy from the Goo causing it too try and constantly burning it all out of existence. Endlessly.

The more he put in, the more there was to burn. The more there was to burn, the more tired he became. The more tired he became... well, the more he put in. It was a slowly lethal starvation cycle. Big Yikes.

The TEA on the other hand? Those are leaves. The good recognizes leaves and water. Other various plants, dried or otherwise. It ignores them as "fine" until they reach a "problematic" threshold, apparently? So... *blank look at the doctor*

*sighs in medical professional*

Tea? Good. Satan Can of Halfa Poison? Bad. Please drink tea.

👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

And it's like MAGIC. He's suddenly BACK, baby! Ha ha ha! Skulker you fuckin THOUGHT?! Oh it's 2am? Well SUPRISE bitch! He's bright eyed and bushy tailed! His grades are up AND he's beating you like a drum! He has ice breakers for old people discussions now!! The local Tea Shops have NEVER been so well protected.

He actually manages to graduate with not just decent grades? But GOOD ones.

And the second. The INSTANT. He is legally his own man? Has his important paperwork squirrelled away and the go bags safely WELL outside of Amity. It's time. He meets OUTSIDE the house, because he's not an idiot. He's been practicing his Clones and has them ready to grab his parents so he can get out of there alive. Jazz is on video call from Star city.

His parents... suspected. Not at first, but as goofy as they are? They aren't ACTUALLY idiots. They've been watching, going over old research. Trying, failing, to get in touch with the League to have THEIR team test their research. Peer review is critical after all. They... they had been so certain. Are still somewhat certain.

But their research doesn't exactly ACCOUNT for this "halfa" phenomenon. So, there is a very real chance they are missing something. The one thing the DO know? Danny is their son. Stuck in some eternal mortally wounded state or not, he is a hero. And they weren't there for him.

They can't change their beliefs on a dime. But they've clearly missed a great deal. And refuse to fall to academic bias. The very thing that got them LAUGHED AT for decades. Mocked and belittled. This is their life's work. By God they WILL find out the truth.

It's? Better then he could have hoped. Not perfect. But better.

He helps set up safeties and a security check point at the portal. Both sides. He's kinda a big deal these days, mom, dad. Ghost scientists eager to work with them. A whole TEAM under their command. It certain endears ghosts to them a whole lot more. Then?

Copy of the blue prints, go bag turned into normal bags, Danny's off to college.

Bounces from major to major. Nothing really capturing his interest. As he aged, he's need less sleep. Gotten stronger. Grown into his father's height and grandfathers build. Tucker keeps calling him a dorito. Danny retaliates with Ancient Egyptian Cyber/Pharoah Twink allegations. According to SAM they are both dumbasses.

She's not WRONG... but hey D:<

Eventually? A really niche botany seminar run by Pamela Isely catches the attention of Tucker, who forwards it to him n Sam. Nice ™. It's being held in her Murder Park! Cool! Obviously they have to go. So off to Gotham they go. And? When they get there? Sam is APPALLED.

She may HATE landlords as much as the next activist.... but LOOK at all these run down, foreclosed, rotting buildings! Beautiful gothic infrastructure! Those could be businesses or homes! Danny, busy with signing them up, makes the mistake of tuning her out as she rants in fury. She does this some times. Needs to vent. Uh huh, you're very right. You should contact somebody. I agree. Mmmhmmm.

Hey, Sam, Ms. Isely needs your-....

Sam?

Oh FUCK ™.

By the time the Seminar come around? Sam has violently kicked in the door of more then a feel reality offices. Owns QUITE a few buildings. Danny is sweating. She... she's doing the THING again. The "gimme your Ghost Crew, I KNOW you have a highly specific Ghost Crew, don't you DARE lie to me or I take your knee caps, Danny" stare.

>.> Sam you can't keep doin- *stare intensifies* Yes Ma'am. *Pulls out Fenton phone* and so? Here come the renovation crew. The ONLY honest building Crew in all of Gotham. They cut no corners. Can't be threatened. Gangs, villians, and even local government office try to arrange... accidents on the build sites.

Nothing. Nada. In fact, it turns out more dangerous for THEM then this crew of outsiders!

Wtf!

Then? After these two College age weirdos finish Poison Fuckin Ivys HIGHLY SUSPECT biology seminar? Manson fucks off to who knows where! Leaving what HAS to be "the muscle" behind. Cause I mean? Look, at the guy! He's huge! And what does he do?

Goes building to building. Rents them out to low income families. Honest, hard working shop keepers. And? Eventually decides to settle smack dab in the middle of Gotham, in the shadow of Wayne fuckin tower, spitting distance from the Space museum..... and open? A tea shop? The FUCK?

"The Zone".

In a weird shade of green. With little ghosts, wearing crowns, because and I quote "it's funny"? Certainly crazy enough for Gotham. But like, it's loud as FUCK here. Crowded. There are gas attacks and shit. It'll never las-....

It stays untouched for MONTHS.

Sometimes being the ONLY building near it to be untouched. Gas NEVER getting in. The damn place a BUNKER. And? Despite looking like it's two floors? It's three. You enter and your actually on the second floor. No one's even sure where the fuck the guy LIVES, since he never seems to leave.

Not only THAT. But it... it's like one of those old school apothecaries. Big ol bank of drawers. Guy'll mix up your blend for you right as you watch. Tea nuts are actually risking COMING to Gotham to try his stuff. Writing articles. Apparently he has some pretty rare shit in those drawers.

Some UNKNOWN shit, according to one guy on ViewTube.

There's this whole debate on if it's Ultra Super Rare or that means it's just super cheap knock off crap. Some of them he won't make for people, even if they ask. There's a rumor it's for Meta's with specific diets. Or alien blends. But no one can verify that. Cause like?

Anyone who tries to cause trouble?

Can't fucking FIND the place. And if you're already inside? You just... drop. Stone cold unconscious. It's definitely magic but no one knows if it's HIS or Manson's? You know? He won't talk. Gets annoyed when harrased.

Which off course!

Leaves Only ONE gentleman for the job. An elite special forces trained expert. Polite, dignified, enjoyer of fine Teas. Alfred "Why do you chucklefucks keep forgetting I was in the Queens Service and a Registered Badass" Pennyworth.

After all! He DOES have the days shopping to do.

@babbling-babull @the-witchhunter @hdgnj @legitimatesatanspawn @lolottes

[russellsppttemplates]

We're a couple of idiots, aren't we? (Charles Leclerc)

You had always been there to see Charles race and you wouldn't let your fight interfere with that

Note: english is not my first language. I'm not the best at writing angst pieces, but I hope this one is decent enough!

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Tw: family issues (alludes to the caregiver necessities), couple fight

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog

It all began when you came home later than expected, the tiredness evident in your eyes as you paced your bag down on the sofa and allowed yourself to rest for a little, "Hey, amour", Charles whispered, testing to see if you were awake as he walked inside the living room, "hey", you said, patting the seat next to you.

Kissing your forehead, Charles sat next to you, "how was your day?", he asked, rubbing your thigh, "exhausting", you sighed, "and the next few are going to be even worse. I probably won't be home for dinner tomorrow anyway".

Charles felt uneasy, squirming around in his seat. You had been working a lot, your family also needed you on their side since your grandparents needed more assistance these days, so you and Charles haven't been able to spend that much time together. And wether it was the fact that you're used to being around eachother or the fact that the season was not going as expected, Charles felt like he hadn't spent enough time with the person he considered his safe and happy place.

"You have been very busy, I feel like I've hardly spent time with you", Charles noted, and maybe it was a seemingly honest comment that wasn't intended to be taken as harmful as you did.

"I know I've not been home, Charles, you think I don't feel that too? I know we haven't spent much time together just the two of us, but it's not been easy! Everyone needs me here, there and everywhere at the same time, and I also need time for me!", you let out.

Unexpectedly, your words also impacted Charles in a way you didn't think they would, "I know you've been busy, but we also need to spend time together, no? Or is our relationship not something we should invest time on? In a relationship, we both need eachother", he gulped. A weird and new feeling sat in his chest, like he was pressuring you and that he was burdening you.

"We do, but we also need to let eachother have some time, too!", you said, feeling anger, sadness, and overall tiredness from your recent days, "I'm going to bed", you mumbled, getting up and heading for your shared bedroom.

The energy you had left in your body was only enough to allow you to wash your face, noticing the dull and dark tone as you quickly rubbed some moisturiser on, grabbing your pyjamas to out them on and lay in bed, taking a painkiller for the growing headache.

When Charles finally go to the bedroom, he noticed you were already asleep on your side of the bed, carefully walking along the side so he could kiss your forehead before he too got ready for bed.

.

By the time the next morning arrived, Charles had ready left, and when you grabbed your phone, notifications from various WhatsApp groups popped up.

Mum + Dad

Can you go by grandma's house today? She was complaining of some pain and we can't remember if her meds box is sorted out or not.

Ferrari GP Weekend

Okay, just to make sure I'm not leaving anyone out: Y/N, you're not coming this weekend, right?

Since your family had been needing you to spend more time with them and at home, you had already said that you weren't sure you'd be joining them for that Grand Prix, and last night's fight settled the subject.

Texting both of the groups, you got up and got ready for the day, already knowing it was going to be a tough one.

You and Charles didn't fight a lot, at least not like this. Usually, you always found a way to talk about things and sort them out. So even this was new territory, not having talked about the subject and finding a common ground, because the situation you both left it at the night before was not the one to have.

Throughout the day, you hopefully texted Charles saying that you'd try to be home so you could talk to eachother before he left later on the evening, and while you intended to keep it, you had to text him again

To Charles

I'm sorry, but I don't think I'll be home until nighttime. My grandma needs me and it's going to take a while.

Have a safe flight. Can you text me when you land, please? Love you ✨️

True to your word, you sat in your bedroom with the moon already shinning through the windows and showcasing perfectly Charles' bedside table with none of his rings, watch and bracelets where he usually put them when he was at the house.

.

"Why did I arrive to the paddock today only to find out that you are not joining me this weekend?", Francisca said over the phone, apparently not even bothering to wish you a good morning, even though it clearly wasn't one.

"Because I've been the busiest bee ever under the sun, and I also had a fight with Charles, and I need to sleep for three days straight to recover", you replied back, noticing the change in Pierre's girlfriend's tone.

"Oh", she added, "I'm sorry, it's just that you're always here and I haven't been able to talk to him properly yet, maybe it's a good thing I haven't yet", she admitted.

One thing you liked about her, was how honest she was with you, and you needed it right now, "do you think I should go? We left the subject hanging and it's not something light we can just solve over the phone. And besides, I've always been there for these races, and he deserves as much support as he can get", you asked, chewing on your bottom lip as you waited for her answer.

"I have no idea why you fought, nor do I want to know unless you feel comfortable in telling me, but I do know that you're made for eachother, so if your heart tells you to come to the race, you should", she advised and you could hear the smile on her voice, "besides, I love your company, so it's a win win".

.

From all the times you had previously travelled with Charles, you had become acquainted and a pro a listing what you needed for the race weekends, so packing was easy and quick: two changes of clothes for both colder and warmer weather, basic toiletries bag in a backpack with entertainment and snacks for the flight.

The early hours allowed you to get to the airport without any traffic and make it to the gate with enough time to spare so you could grab a coffee to go.

Francisca knew you were coming, and after having a conversation with your family, you explained to them how the whole situation was putting pressure not only on you but also on your relationship with Charles. As you expected, they were not aware of how the situation was on your side and sat down with you so you could find a better arrangement.

Arriving at the airport of destination, you quickly found the transport line that would be taking you to the closest stop near the paddock, gradually seeing fans get inside as the stops approached the track site.

You followed them in, wanting to go as unnoticed as possible as you walked along them.

"I just saw on Instagram that Charles had left his hotel a while ago, so he should be here any minute now", a young woman around your age commented with her friends, stopping by the benches you were sitting in. Turns out you were waiting for the same person after all.

"Is it okay if we sit here?", one of them asked kindly, "Oh, you're Y/N", one of the girls said.

Nodding, you pushed your backpack to rest near your legs, "of course you can sit", you smiled, still not used to the fact that fans often recognised your face.

"Thanks!", she scurried nervously, urging her friends to sit, seeing their surprised faces as they looked at you, "Also, I'm sorry, I'm sure this is weird for you, that I know your name and you don't know mine, I- we didn't expect to find you here", she apoligised, finally sitting down.

"It's okay, unless you're going to turn out to be come crazy stalker fan, I think we will be fine", you smiled, hoping they would catch the joke and relax a little.

"No no no!", they all said, smiling when you smiled back, "but, may I ask what you're doing here? I mean, don't you have an all access pass?", one of them wondered as she sat next to you.

"I'm surprising Charles, actually", you added, feeling like saying anything else would not only be violating yours and Charles' privacy, but also allowing the creation of rumours you wouldn't want, "I wasn't originally coming to see him race, but some things cleared up on my calendar so I thought I'd surprise him", you finished, seeing them smile, "do you come to watch races regularly?", you asked, changing the subject hopefully subtly enough that they wouldn't notice too much.

Conversation was flowing easily, really, they seemed like really nice girls and it never felt invasive, so the time you had to wait went by quickly, hearing people call your boyfriend's name.

You could notice his presence anywhere, that was a given. Wether it was his well trained torso that made spotting him even from his back, or his handsome face, it wasn't hard yo miss him even surrounded by fans who were wearing the same t-shirt as him.

"Let me stand around you so he won't notice me", you said, "with how enamoured he is of you, I'm sure it won't be long", one of the girls, named Lyla, you learned, spoke, wanting to see the scene unfold as he approached you.

"Hi!", Charles greeted, posing for the pictures while he signed the caps they had, not noticing your hand holding one of his own caps was in the mix.

"Charles! Can you sign this, please?", you asked, hoping you were loud enough, "I was not coming to see you race today, but I'm very happy I did", you almost yelled, thanking the fact that the other girls had helped you by keeping quiet until he realised you were there.

It was enough for Charles to recognise the voice. After all, he had been longing to hear it for the past couple of days.

"Y/N, you're here!", he called, handing Lyla the permanent marker before he hugged you, "I missed you so much, I'm sorry", he whispered on your ear before pulling back a little so he could look you in the eye, "you don't have a pass, do you?", he wondered, seeing you shake your head, "I'll see what I can do, but you're coming with me", he smiled, holding your hand in his and bidding goodbye to the group of girls after you all took a group picture.

The rush until you arrived in his driver's room didn't allow you to talk until you sat on the sofa after greeting everyone and thanking one of the team members for getting you a pass on such short notice.

"Do you think we can talk about it? I don't want to ruin the race by distracting you from it, but I don't think we should be here and not discuss it either", you brought the subject, looking up to see Charles push a chair and sit in front of you, "I want to apologise first", you said, "I never should have said what I said, especially the way I said it, I'm sorry", you apologised, "I never intended it in a way that would hurt you".

Charles grabbed your hands, lacing them in his and looking into your eyes, "I'm sorry, too. I think we should talk about it, too. I want this to be solved, I want us to be well", he admitted.

"My grandparents have been needing a bit more help, and my parents counted on me for it. And I feel like I haven't spent that much time with you, and I'm so sorry for it, but sometimes it just got too much. And I didn't want to burden you, you have your own things to worry about and this would be another thing. They're better now and this was probably a bad phase, but still", you explained.

Charles chuckled before he saw the confusion on your face, "no, I'm joking about this, amour. I'm glad they're better", he reasoned, "but I thought I was being a burden because I felt like I was clingy, like I needed you more than usual and that you had had enough. I didn't want to put more on your plate", he sighed.

Smiling at him, you moved your hand to caress his cheek, "you could never be too much, Charles. Sometimes I just need to deal with things on my own for a bit, even if there is help from someone else", you blushed.

"I know you need me to give you the space you need, that's why I didn't want to push you to talk about things, because as much as I want to craddle you in my arms forever and shield you away from the world's evil, I know you like to do things on your own, at least at first", he noted, earning your silent agreement, "but I'm here for you, always. I'm glad we worked that out", he smiled, pulling your face to his and kissing you deeply, only stopping when someone knocked on the door.

"I heard my favourite girl is back in the paddock, so I suggest you come out because I'm not feeling like I want to see whatever is going on there", your recognised Francisca's voice, getting up and opening the door to see Pierre by her side, "I told her she shouldn't interrupt you two, but she was very excited to know how the surprise went", he smiled.

"A very good surprise indeed, the best one ever", Charles said, pulling you in for one last kiss before he ventured out to the garage, a new feeling of confidence knowing you were there to watch him race.

[laughhardrunfastbekindsblog]

The Jar

Summer of Bad Batch | Week 5 | Prompts: "You're a bad liar" and "Need a hand?"

Summary: After being rescued from Skako Minor and joining Clone Force 99, Echo is still getting used to his modifications.

POV: Echo

Rating: PG

(Word Count: 784)

Read on Ao3

Echo stared at the vacuum-sealed jar of rations with narrowed eyes.

I WILL figure out a way to open you myself, he silently vowed to the small metal container sitting innocuously before him.

Usually the squad had boxes of rations - those were easy to open with one hand - but they had learned the hard way on this assignment that some of the wildlife here on Yrzac were also capable of breaking into the ration boxes, and therefore the sealed jars of food were necessary.

Echo hadn't wanted to admit he didn't know how he'd be able to manage opening the container, just like he'd refused to admit he was still having difficulty negotiating the rocky terrain and climbing with his prosthetic legs, just like he hadn't said a word about the fact the cybernetic implants that had been bored through his skull into his brain were still giving him excruciating headaches despite the med droids' assurances that the pain would dissipate eventually. He'd only been with Clone Force 99 for two weeks. He was NOT going to be a burden, be dead weight, ask for help with simple tasks like getting his own food. He would admit to nothing.

So he had taken the rations jar Wrecker had handed him in the morning, then had claimed he wasn't hungry and he'd eat later. And when Tech had taken watch as the others settled to sleep in the stone ruins where they'd set up camp for the night, Echo had snuck around the corner of one of the crumbling walls and stared at the sealed container, considering his dilemma.

He had tried bracing the jar between his knees to break the seal and unscrew the lid, but the metal jar against metal prosthetics proved too slippery. Same with wedging the jar under his right arm. Using his teeth would do nothing. For a wild moment, he considered throwing the jar against the ground - to release his frustration as much as to see if denting the jar would help - but no, that would be too loud...

"Need a hand?" a soft low voice sounded over his head.

Echo didn't jump, but he had to confess he was slightly startled as he turned to look up at Hunter.

"What?" he stammered. "What, no, I'm fine, I..."

Hunter crossed his arms and blinked at him, the light of the moons falling full on his face and clearly showing he was unimpressed by Echo's protests. "No, you're NOT fine; but if you say it again, I might actually leave you here to struggle with that kriffing impossible jar."

Echo sighed in defeat. "I want to be able to do it myself."

"And you will, just not tonight," Hunter said, holding his hand out for the container. Echo handed it over and Hunter, gripping it tightly in both hands and straining to open it, added, "You've had to adjust to a lot in the past few days, Echo. And you're doing great - better, I think, than anyone else would be able to do. It might take some time to figure out how to do things like open a jar with one hand, but you'll get there. You're an ARC trooper, after all." The lid unsealed with a quiet schhh-lok and Hunter finished unscrewing it before handing the open jar back to Echo. "In the meantime, maybe let your brothers help you every once in a while?"

"Thanks," Echo murmured as he took the jar, hesitating slightly before adding, "And, you know, not just for this," indicating the rations.

Hunter nodded, turning away and taking a few steps back to the campsite before stopping and looking back over his shoulder.

"Oh, and maybe let Tech take a look at your prosthetics? You looked like a newborn shaak trying to find its feet when we were running up that rocky hill today. Tech wouldn't stop going on and on with me about calibration and leverage and friction coefficients or... something, and I'm pretty sure he was referring to your legs."

Smiling ruefully, Echo nodded - of course the squad had noticed his difficulty, he had been foolish to try to hide it from them; but he appreciated that they hadn't mentioned anything to him at the time, for that would have been mortifying. "Yes, sir," he replied; and with this promise, Hunter left him to eat in peace.

He hadn't realized just how hungry he was until he took his first bite of biscuit... He had never been a big eater, but now he finished his day's rations in record time and leaned back against the wall with a contented sigh.

And with his hunger satiated, he suddenly noticed his headache wasn't quite so bad.

@summer-of-bad-batch

[ron456]

ADHD/ Neurodiversity rant, Ig?? (TLDR at the end)

I feel like I've definitely went through some character development over the years but especially when I learned more about my ADHD.

They don't really give you that much info when you get diagnosed, I feel (I got diagnosed pretty young at like 7-8 and started taking meds when I was about 9 years old, I think).

And I started learning more about it in, like, middle school and it was wild to figure out that I wasn't alone in these experiences I was having like RSD (AND THE RSD CHEST PAIN- I WAS LIKE "OTHER PEOPLE WITH ADHD FEEL THIS TOO?!?"), Sensory issues (I get pissed if I get overstimulated and it was a relief to find out that other people feel like that too), skipping lines when I read and getting headaches while reading even though I wasn't dyslexic (Convergence insufficiency), being uncoordinated (my handwriting always going upwards instead of in a straight line, having trouble with using keys, or getting food all over myself when I ate) , problems with emotional regulation, etc.

Shout out to people on tiktok/youtube who have info on ADHD like: Connor DeWolfe, Ethan Nestor & Markiplier (not really their main content but they both do have it and occasionally talk about it. Ethan has the hyperactive type and Mark has the inattentive type), Olivia Lutfallah (her ADHD simulators are SO ACCURATE- And she has AuDHD so she has some stuff about autism too, I believe)

I remember I felt sorta daunted at first to realize I was way different than my peers than I first thought

and I had that sorta grieving process that people get when they get diagnosed later in life even though I had already been diagnosed

Like, "Damn. If only my past-self had known that. Maybe I could've shielded her from getting hurt."

But also, knowing more helped me move forward with more of a plan, I guess

Can't accommodate to yourself if you don't know what to accommodate to, right?

Anyways, I'm saying this because I think it's so important that people be taught more about Neurodiversities

Kids, parents, teachers, etc. should all be more informed because it saves a lot of confusion and pain for people in the long-run

Cuz a kid won't know that they have a different brain because that's all they've ever known. Sorta reminds me of the quote:

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

But yeah, if it hadn't been for my second grade teacher who noticed that I was coming home with classwork and who didn't think I was just being lazy, I don't know if I would be here, today, to be honest.

All it takes is one person to notice the signs of neurodiversity and speak up to change someone's life for the better

which is why I always try to educate my friends on this kinds of things so that they can be more helpful and understand of people with neurodiversites and of themselves if they realize they have a neurodiversity

Also, I write about this because I used to find characters like Mable Pines and Steven Universe annoying until I realized they exhibited ADHD symptoms and there was probablyyy some internalized ableism in my mind as a kid. I was able to watch the shows with these characters in them as a teenager and realize how much they characters were like me! And I loved them for it! It's really cool to see how much my knowledge and acceptance for my ADHD has grown as I've grown!

Anywayssss, that is all. I'm on my meds rn and I had some motivation so decided to talk about this hehe. I gotta get ready for some babysitting rn lmao.

TLDR; People should be educated more on the signs of Neurodiversities so that people can get the help they need sooner instead of thinking they are "Wrong", "stupid", or "broken". I bolded some cool resources for more ADHD (and some other Neurodiversity) info and a cool quote :)

[leggyre]

hii venting time

idk it's been like what? 3? 4 years? Of me being ill with things I don't even know anymore. Just slowing down until I reached this point where I'm stagnant and I can barely invest in the things I want to do in my life. As of late I noticed I struggle to get up early, not because I'm lazy, not because I went to sleep late, but because I have no motivation to get up in the morning. Like what am I even gonna do when I'm up? I used to have a simple routine. Get up, eat smth, take my meds, grab a cup of coffee and sit down by my computer to draw. It went on for the whole day, interrupted by snack breaks, "got lost in YouTube trying to find good background noise" breaks, "friends are having a really fun conversation so obviously I chime in" breaks... That kinda stuff

Nowadays I just remain in bed until my body decides it's been enough so I have a massive headache and can't breathe and my heart is palpitating and my muscles feel weak and it just sucks. Then I go up to the computer and... do pet site stuff, I guess. I haven't been able to draw very often still, and when I have the inspiration and motivation for it there's definitely some physical feeling causing me discomfort like dizziness, neck pain, jaw pain, fucked up headaches, sudden anxiety, breathlessness, the list just keeps on growing

I feel like I've been throwing all these years in the trash because I can't do anything about it. I can't do the stuff I like as much as I'd like to. And at this point I'm questioning what am I even doing still here. It hurts so much to be unable to create my craft, the stuff I do with so much love. Every doodle nowadays, every little thing I've been posting had been an attempt at sparking that fire again. Sometimes it works, but it never lasts and on the next day I'm struggling again. It's demoralizing.

[mariska]

sad progressive disability ramble under the read more sorry for using this blog as a public health diary again it's just been. A Lot. and i don't currently have the body strength to physically write in my journal with a pen/pencil

been like three days in a row now i think where i have been forcibly woken up because my left leg, specifically my calf and thighs and toes but mostly calf, went into a sudden severe So Painful That You Can't Even Scream About It And Just Kind Of Sob And Groan Involuntarily dystonia attack while i was still asleep and then it just continues lingering as really bad super tight muscle pain for the rest of the day even with the help of multiple prescription meds i have that very slightly help prevent another full-on dystonia attack. im so tired. its been like this for a very large portion of my life but it used to happen like once or twice a year before this year and now i'm getting lucky if it doesn't happen more than once a week. on top of the reproductive organ system pain that has gotten so bad this whole year too that i essentially no longer have any days in a month where i am not experiencing Extreme debilitating pain and cramps and am pretty much just On My Period in some part of the whole cycle thing 24/7.

i am like. im just. im too tired dude. i really think i've reached a point so far beyond any kind of pain threshold limit of what i can deal/live with at this point it's absolutely terrifying. i'm trying so so so hard to "take it one day at a time" but i can't even take it one hour at a time or 5 minutes at a time it feels like my body is legitimately completely failing on me. i wish i could remember what it felt like being somewhat less physically disabled when i was a kid thru my tweens and very early teens. that feels like a completely different person and life separated from my present day self now. i used to wake up without a nausea inducing headache sometimes. i can't even imagine what that must have been like.

genuinely sorry to be making bummer posts on here about my health decline, tried to tell myself yrs ago that i should probably not do that cause i truly do not want to make anyone else feel miserable reading my life updates that are very much not positive and filled with health related fear. it's just like. god, ok, im sorry again in advance i don't mean for this to sound at all defeatist or completely pessimistic, but in a purely logical This Is Just What Every Day Of Life Has Been For Me way i feel like i'm running out of time. in general. in life. very specifically because of how fast everything has declined with my health this whole year and the past few months specifically. i keep going to sleep whenever im able to in the middle of the night feeling absolutely terrified that my body will just suddenly fail on me totally while i'm sleeping and i'll just die. i cannot stress enough how much I Do Not Want That To Happen To Me At The Age Of 27 but like. wtf am i supposed to do. about all of this. im already doing the max of whatever i can, i have dr's appointments scheduled as scared as i am about actually going to them for multiple reasons, i have medications prescribed to me that do help a bit with my more muscle and connective tissue related pain problems, im trying so hard to keep it together (mostly for my moms honestly because they love me and care about me way more than i love or care about myself but thats just The Severe Clinical Depression speaking or whatever) but it doesn't matter because my body refuses to try with me anyways. i am. so. tired. i don't think any amount of rest or naps or sleep will ever improve how tired i feel all the time ever again truly. i think its just This Tired And Exhausted And Burned Out Forever Now. i am. indescribably sad.

[heartshattering]

I feel like I've messed my health up and there's no going back.

Yes, I took NSAIDs to deal with chronic headaches and migraines, TMJ pain, endometriosis cramps, and back pain, because 1 - a previous doctor who didn't want to give me anything else for the pain told me it was fine, 2 - I stopped being able to go to physical therapy, and 3 - I was balancing trying to graduate while being the caregiver of my terminally ill grandma in her last stages of life and didn't have time to practice other pain relief techniques.

Yes, I eat basically every food on those "Top Worst Foods for Digestive Issues" lists, because I don't have time to make a special meal every time I'm hungry while I'm taking care of my mom. Yeah, eating greasy chips and double stuffed Oreos and chocolate and other things I don't have to cook isn't good for me and I know I have trigger foods and should be following one of those low FODMAP diets and spend time meal-planning or whatever but I feel like I can't get my life in order. I struggle so hard to stay on top of other things, I don't want to obsess over every single thing I eat and have to cook 3 special meals a day for myself every day.

Yes, I overdo it with caffeine. It's a shitty dependency I've had for a long time which led me to having to see a pediatric cardiologist and get prescribed heart meds since before I was even in high school. I've been hospitalized for heart arrhythmias in my 20s and I still take too much caffeine because I'm always tired, sick, can't focus, and the doctor told me I couldn't take stimulant medication for ADHD because of my history of heart issues. Add on top of that the fact I have two parents from the "We don't believe in ADHD, young people just need to focus better" generation. So I fuck myself up with massive amounts of caffeine instead because that totally makes sense. And (surprise surprise) caffeine is another thing you aren't supposed to take when you have IBS (and almost every other health issue I have). But I do it anyway.

Going on sleep meds wasn't ideal. I have stopped other ones before and I'm weaning off my current one. But doctors still blame me for having taken them in the first place, don't see how much effort I put into gradually trying to sleep more naturally again, and just assume the worst from me and say I'm doing reckless shit like drinking alcohol while on sleep meds or driving after taking them (I don't do either of those things, on or off meds, but especially not on them). As soon as doctors find out about my home life and things like my mom being paralyzed and the fact I lost four of my family members in one year, they automatically think I'm abusing the sleep meds and lecture me on stuff like "Doing that isn't going to fix your grief/depression :/" and don't understand how difficult sleeping while dealing with severe OCD phobias and compulsions that get worse at nighttime is.

I stay up late because I can hardly get any work done during the daytime. I can only follow a sleep routine for so long until I run into a night where I have to catch up with my work because my aunt randomly stayed for a week, or my mom had an emergency, or whatever else. Same used to happen when I was a student taking care of my grandma, too. I suck at managing my time and I'm constantly overwhelmed, I feel like at any second I'm going to mess everything up and disappoint everyone.

I know I haven't been great to myself and that I have all sorts of habits that haven't been ideal but it's just been so hard to get help. I was made to leave the local psychiatric center because my problems were considered "too severe" for them to handle. It feels like no one wants to deal with me and that they just see me as a lost cause even though I'm trying. Really, I am trying. It's just so hard and I feel like too much of a mess all the time.

[barclaysangel]

Sad headcanon time (I am actually writing this out In more detail on Wattpad, so I'll send It to you In an ask when I'm done, lol)

Something that takes a long, long, 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 time for Jules to ever confess to the group (up until a few months after they meet Grant and those two start dating, actually) Is that, before he met them and right after he killed his Mom, he became an addict similar to how Lexy did. He started smoking weed regularly and taking pills frequently because he had a lot of nightmares about what he did almost every other night for the first two weeks after he did It. Hell, he'd even have hallucinations of his Mom due to the trauma and his lack of sleep

Mind you, he was sent to Incarnate Lord almost Immediately after he killed her and had snuck In his own pills that were his Mom's (again, like how Lexy did). But a few weeks Into him staying there, Father Bryce caught him taking a few of his pills to get high and pretty much reprimanded him and gave him one of those types of punishments he gave Devon, but more extreme. That only made matters worse and he just found new and unique ways to be able to get high (I.E. hurting himself to get pain meds and such). He even went so far as to use Nadine to get him some by having her fake a headache, which he still, to this day, feels extremely guilty for

After that little stunt, Nadine had officially caught onto Jules’ addiction. She had already had her own little theories about It considering her Mom was one and she could see all of the signs, but she didn't want to be rude and assume anything or butt Into Jules’ personal life despite having a lot of concerns for his physical and mental health. However, she did slowly but surely help him get clean and even helped him through his withdrawals. He did have a few relapses here and there, but Nadine was always there to help him push through It

Once the rest of the Terror Party (minus Grant & Junior) first arrive at the school, Lexy can definitely tell that Jules was a recovering addict considering that she was one herself at that moment, but she doesn't exactly ask him about It considering she herself hates It when Jake, Devon, Lydia, and Coraline all bug her about her own Issues. But once Jules finally talks to them about It In the distant future, Lexy tells him that she knew because alongside her own struggles, she could tell what was going on with him just from all of the vibes he gave off during their first meeting

Eventually, long after Junior returns, Andy adopts everyone, Grant comes Into the group, AND him and Jules start dating, Jules finally feels comfortable enough to tell them about his past addiction and even admits that he struggles with having urges to relapse sometimes when his mental health gets really bad. The party tells him that, If he ever feels that way, then he can definitely comes to them and talk about anything he needs to get off of his mind and that they're always there for him

Later on when they're alone, Grant even thanks him for being able to trust him enough with that Information and tells him that he's proud of him for finally working up the courage to tell him something he knew would be extremely difficult to confess. Grant also emphasizes that Jules can go to him and/or the rest of the group anytime he has the urge to relapse because none of them ever want him to feel like he can't come to them for anything

Overall, this turned from a sad headcanon to a semi wholesome one towards the end :)

This was so bittersweet but I love it omg yes :)

[frogofalltime]

day 9

as you probably know i stayed up until 5am last night because of the Hospital Situation (don't worry @etherealspacejelly is at home and doing alright now !!) so i didn't set an alarm for the morning as i knew i needed to sleep

i woke up at 11am, took my meds with some water, and then went back to sleep for another two hours

then i woke up again and just lay in bed on my phone for two hours. and when i finally got up, i just sat / lay down in various places in my room and did nothing at all until 6:30pm when i eventually gathered enough spoons to cook. i was going to study because i have an exam next week, but i really couldn't make myself do it, and i knew i needed to eat before i did anything else, but it took me so many hours to be able to do that.

i felt nauseous and sick, probably because i didn't eat all day. when i am unwell mentally, i find it impossible to eat, and also being hungry makes me have an even worse time because i don't have any energy, so it is a negative feedback loop

finally i heard my flatmate leave the kitchen so i went to cook some food. i don't like going to the kitchen when other people are in there. i live with three girls, none of whom i am out to. one of them is barely ever here but the other two are often in the kitchen. the muslim one talks to me every time she sees me even when i am overwhelmed and can't talk, and she's assuming i'm a girl so she says things like "i am glad we have an all girls flat so i don't have to wear hijab in the kitchen" that make me feel really uncomfortable and guilty. and the other one is always talking on the phone loudly and cooking strong-smelling food. so it is very overstimulating to be around them, hence why i usually avoid going to the kitchen until it is empty.

also i haven't been feeling as hungry as usual in general. the first few days on my meds i was hungrier than normal but now i just don't feel like eating at all.

i made vegetable curry and rice, enough to last me 4 days. it wasn't spicy at all, because i used a different spice mix instead of the one i brought from home, and i guess it is catered towards people who can't handle chilli. it still tastes nice though

i ate while watching an episode of the percy jackson series (the one with the lotus casino) and it was interesting to me how they changed the plot from the book. it made me feel a little better because percy jackson has been an obsession of mine for more than half my life.

then i curled up on my bed and scrolled on my phone for many hours. suddenly it was 11pm so i washed my dishes, put the three extra portions of curry and rice into bowls and put them in the fridge, and got ready for bed. that didn't take long because i did not change my clothes from my pyjamas today so i just had to wash my face and brush my teeth.

i have had a really bad headache all day and my eyes hurt a lot but it's probably from crying so hard last night and looking at my phone screen too much and not eating or drinking enough today

the pain in my left side isn't as bad as yesterday because i did not move much all day. it doesn't hurt constantly anymore, it just hurts when i move or cough (i am still coughing a lot from the cold i caught 5 weeks ago, its really annoying)

i also feel kind of feverish, maybe it's from lack of sleep, maybe it's from eating only one meal today, or dehydration, maybe it's a side effect from the meds, who knows.

overall a really bad day. the eating disorder that i have struggled with for 10 years has been flaring up recently and i'm feeling more depressed even though i'm still on antidepressants. tomorrow i will try to get up earlier and change my clothes and go outside and study and maybe i will be okay. even if it hurts my ribs to walk i would rather that than another day trapped in my room with my brain.

i hope it gets easier.

[ash-alder]

i am tired.

i have chronic migraines. they suck a lot. they were really, really, really bad for a long time, and then with the help of a great neurologist, i got them mostly under control for a while. but in the past few months they've been back, and terrible, and lasting, and i'd forgotten how much they mess up my life.

i struggle to think of myself as disabled, despite it being a factually correct statement about myself. especially when things are going well, it's easy to think that oh, well, i'm remembering wrong, and being dramatic. and anyway, they're just headaches, how much could they get in my way?

but right now i'm so tired. there are things i want to be doing. there are things i /am/ doing i want to be /enjoying/. and i just can't. even stuff i love and am excited about, i'm just pushing through, doing what has to be done, trying not to let anything fall down, and otherwise existing as little as possible. i hate it.

i forget, too, that there are mood effects. both from the migraines themselves, and from just being tired and in pain. plus, my mental state goes to shit when i'm not actually eating regularly, and i've been having the kind of headache that makes eating seem just awful, not to mention a lot of my generally safe food have one or more things that either trigger or exacerbate the migraines.

so mood shit is hitting hard today.

i know that they will end up controlled again. but i had a 2 week one, broke it with steroids from the doctor, got my quarterly botox, and promptly started having another one, which is the time when they should be /least/ likely, and so today i am feeling really defeated.

it's hard, b/c i've already gone through the standard first, second, and third line meds, with little effect, so there aren't a ton of options /left/ if my current regimen stops working. my neurologist says migraine control is just like this-- sometimes something stops working, so you have to cycle on to something else, or go back to something that worked before.

but right now, i take three otc supplements and three rx meds daily, plus the quarterly botox shots, plus i split my t dose into two injections a week to keep my hormone levels more stable so those changes don't trigger one, which isn't even counting the rescue and abortive meds i have.

and they still happen.

it IS better. i used to have a cycle of three weeks on, one week off headaches. that lasted for months, over a year, i think. i was just about to try to get on long-term disability when we found something that worked. i don't want to go back to that.

anyway, there's no real reason i'm writing this out, much less writing it on Tumblr. i just. i put a lot of work into being a positive person, and bringing as much joy and kindness to the world as i can. and it's really hard for me when even just... just normal conversation feels impossible because i can't think or focus, and am so tired, and hurt.

i guess what i'm saying is that i am sorry that right now i can't be the member of community that i want to be, and that i'm not able to keep up with things in the way i want to, and i'm sorry for that too.

[tittyinfinity]

Thank you so much! So I also deal with high levels of pain due to a few health issues myself. I've been really nervous about asking for pain medication because of someone who has an issue with it in my family. I've been told that I could *end up like her.*

I guess my question is.... what to the pills feel like? Is there some kind of "high" that makes them addictive? And if so, how do you avoid the urge to take more? I'm sorry if that comes off as insensitive, I just want to know as much as I can before mentioning this to my doctor & family.

It's not insensitive at all! I think those are questions more people should ask, actually!

So I haven't felt the "high" from them since I first started being prescribed them as a teenager. My tolerance has gone up too much for that (which makes it very annoying when people accuse me of taking them for the "high"). It's different for everyone, but for me, it was a warm, fuzzy feeling that makes you happy and love things a lot more. It also made me very very horny 😬

For some people, I've heard that it can make you really tired and loopy. Though I've never personally seen anyone "fucked up" on pain meds.

The reason I was able to keep myself from being addicted to "the high" is because I can't take that many without throwing up lol. That's literally it. I've tried to take more for a "better high" and it just makes you miserable. Gives you a headache and makes you vomit. And it makes you VERY pissy. Even whenever I switched over to oxycodone that didn't have the acetaminophen in it, taking more than a couple would make me miserable.

As far as how it affects me now, it gets rid of the pain and makes my body feel more relaxed instead of tensed up as hell. The only other affects it gives me other than pain relief is focus & energy. It helps with my ADHD in general. I can get past my executive dysfunction more easily, organize my thoughts, and remember to do things I had been putting off. It did used to be part of the "high" back in the day – I focused so hard I shot up to a 4.5 GPA that year. But it doesn't affect me as hard anymore. Just general focus, now.

My body seems to react differently to all drugs, though. So my experience won't be the same as everyone else's.

I'm actually not entirely sure how people end up abusing the pills. I can see WHY, but I don't know how you'd be able to do it without making yourself sick. Again, drugs affect me differently, so I assume it's something I don't feel enough to understand. I know what cravings feel like when it comes to addiction – I used to be an alcoholic and the cravings were STRONG. I also have a nicotine addiction. But I don't get that same craving feeling for my meds, like I need to take them or I'm going to lose my shit. Even whenever I used to feel that "high" from them, I wasn't an anxious mess dying from pill cravings like I was with alcohol. When my meds run out, I'm just like, ah damn, that sucks. I'm not out searching for a pill dealer or anything.

Not gonna lie, I don't really trust when someone says someone else has a "problem" with taking too much pain medication because I've been told I have "a problem" for not being able to push through my level 6-10 pain on a daily basis. I'm told I have a "problem" because I can't make a 2 week prescription last a month. If you don't mind me asking, what does your family constitute as a "problem" for your family member that's taking the medication?

[enderpearlgirl1005]

Celestial Symbiosis

Chapter 2 Symbiosis

(The Next day)

Anna was examined again by the doctor so they could make extra sure she was alright. Once again nothing unusual was found so Anna was just given some pain meds in case she had an unexpected headache. Anna thanked the nurses and doctors for the help and headed back to boarding school.

"Well that day was pretty interesting, but at least I wasn't seriously injured by that meteorite." Anna said to herself as she walked to school.

As Anna was walking a figure started walking up behind her which turned into a run. The figure then tried to Karate chop Anna on the shoulder but her arm stopped it before it made contact with her. Anna froze when she felt herself catching someone, so she turned around and saw it was her Karate club captain.

"Oh my god! Sebastian! I didn't know you were there?!" Anna screamed in surprise when she saw Sebastian.

"Oh don't play that with me, you knew I was gonna surprise attack you! I just wanted to see if you still got your skills after missing training for two weeks." Sebastian explained.

"Um I really didn't know you were there, my arm kinda just seemingly moved on its own." Anna explained.

"HA! Yeah it did, anyway how are you doing? The accident with the meteorite was all over the news and I heard you were injured in the accident." Sebastian explained.

"Oh I'm fine, aside from hitting my head on a rock I'm good... I think my body has kinda been feeling a little numb but I'm mostly good." Anna explained.

"That's good to hear, I do hope you're still able to fight when we have a meeting tomorrow!" Sebastian explained as he wrapped his arm around Anna's neck and noggied her.

"Ah! HAaha! I hope the others won't give me a hard time for missing out!" Anna laughed at her friend's actions.

Sebastian then let go of Anna and the two soon got to the school right before the bell rang. After entering the building Sebastian headed off to his first class of the day. Anna smiled and made her way to her first class of the day.

"Hey Anna! You're back and alright!" Anna heard Vincent call out.

She turned around and saw him walking up to her, she smiled when she saw him.

"Hey Vince yeah I am, sorry about being gone for so long, I kinda got into a little bit of an accident." Anna explained.

"Yeah I heard, also It's not your fault, after all you didn't plan on almost getting hit by a meteor." Vincent explained.

"No I didn't, but I'm glad I'm doing better and I'm back for school. Did anything interesting happen while I was gone?" Anna asked.

"Not really, aside from that Meteor that was about all the excitement, well unless you count you having to do extra work to catch up with everyone from while you were gone." Vincent stated.

'Oh yeah that's gonna suck, but it has to be done.' Anna thought to herself.

"Um Anna, why are you touching my face?" Vincent asked.

Anna looked and to her shock she was indeed touching Vincent's face. Her eyes widened and Anna pulled away embarrassed by her actions.

"Oh my god! Vince I'm so sorry! I don't know why I was doing that!" Anna exclaimed, embarrassed by her unknowing action.

"It's cool but let's get to class before the teacher writes us up." Vincent explained.

"Oh yeah lets go! I don't want to miss any more than I already have!" Anna exclaimed.

The two then ran to their class, thankfully they soon arrived on time for roll call. When they came into the classroom the teacher smiled when she saw them and had them take their seats. After roll call was done the teacher started the lesson (which was biology).

As the class went on Anna started to suddenly feel sleepy and almost fell asleep till someone tapped her.

"Hey Anna! If you fall asleep Miss, C won't be happy." A classmate whispered to Anna.

"Oh my bad! Thanks!" Anna thanked the classmate who prevented her from getting in trouble.

'Man why do I feel so sleepy? Is it the medicine I was on? Na that can't be it, or maybe it is.' Anna thought to herself.

"It's not the medicine, it's the chemical I'm emitting to prevent you from feeling pain while I recognize your internal structure." Anna heard a male voice whisper.

She shot up and looked around for any sign of the voice, however she couldn't find it.

'What in the world was that?!' Anna asked herself.

"Hey Anna!" Anna heard a voice say.

She looked up and was shocked to see Miss C standing next to her desk.

"Oh um hey Miss C." Anna said.

Miss C just smiled and said "Anna I know you haven't been here in a while but you know your phone is not allowed to be out during class." Miss C then pulled Anna's phone out from under the desk.

Anna saw that on her phone there was an image of a mannequin that showed the internal structure of the human body.

"Oh I'm so sorry! I thought it was off!" Anna exclaimed, surprised by her phone being on.

"I don't want to hear it, just keep it off, I want it to be on your desk in my view so I can make sure that you won't use it again. However, if I catch you using it again It'll be confiscated till the end of class." Miss C explained.

"A-Alright! Again so sorry!" Anna exclaimed embarrassed as she turned her phone off and put it on her desk.

Miss C smiled and went back up to the black board to continue on with the class. The day passed like nothing, and now Anna was in the cafeteria getting some lunch.

"Hey Anna, how are you feeling?" Anna heard a girl ask.

She turned around and saw one of her friends coming up to her.

"Hey Shelly, I'm doing alright, I'm feeling pretty tired but aside from that I'm good." Anna said.

"That's good I was pretty worried about you when I heard about what happened." Shelly explained.

"Well I didn't die so I'm good, and thanks for worrying about me." Anna said.

"Hey, no need to thank me! We're friends after all I'm meant to worry about you!" Shelly explained.

Anna smiled and grabbed a tray and started grabbing some food, she felt pretty hungry so she got a good amount of food. After getting enough food and a box of milk Anna took a seat at her usual table. Once she was seated she started eating her food, as she ate Shelly and Vincent sat down at the same table.

"Hey Anna, I hope you don't mind us sitting here with you." Vincent said.

"No I don't mind at all, I normally eat alone so It's good to have company." Anna explained.

"Yeah well we thought you could use some company." Shelly explained.

Anna smiled at that and continued on eating, however as she ate she felt someone tapping her on the back. She turned around and saw another girl standing right behind her with an angry look on her face.

"Hey Anna, let's talk for a bit." The girl said.

"Um okay? I'll be right back guys." Anna said.

She then got up and followed the girl into a private area outside of the cafeteria.

"Hey Anna, don't think about doing anything with Vince." The girl stated.

"Um, what are you talking about?" Anna asked.

"You know what I'm talking about! I've had a crush on him since middle school so stay away from him! I know you like him so I'm letting you know that you need to stay away from him!" The girl aggressively stated.

"L-listen it'll be up to him on who he likes alright! I won't try and be with him if he doesn't see me that way!" Anna said, trying to pacify the girl.

However the girl only got more angry and she tried to attack Anna. Anna however stopped her attack and swiftly sweep her legs, and before she hit the ground, Anna kicked her hard. The girl flew back a bit before she hit the ground, and she looked up at Anna with fear.

She backed away before getting up and running away as she felt like Anna would kick her but if she tried to fight any more.

Anna meanwhile stood there in total shock at what just happened, as her body seemingly moved on its own. Normally she wouldn't be so aggressive if someone tried to attack her but her body seemingly acted all on its own.

"What in the world is going on with me?" Anna asked herself.

"My body has felt like it's been moving all on its own today, ugh I better get some rest after classes are done." Anna said before heading back into the cafeteria to finish her lunch.

Later on the school day ended and Anna made her way to her dorm room to rest.

"Hey Anna! I want to ask you something!" Anna heard Vincent ask.

She turned around and saw him standing not too far away from her, she wondered what Vincent had to ask.

"You know Anna, I've always admired you since you've joined this school. I noticed that you've always volunteered to help with all the charity events and you're really good at karate. You've even won a few awards in some of the matches you've been in. I must say you've really impressed me with your skills and knowledge." Vincent explained.

"Oh Um... thanks. That's very nice of you to say Vince." Anna said while blushing.

"Hehe, well I also wanted to ask, this Saturday you wanna go out for Pancakes?" Vincent asked.

"Huh? Are you asking me out on a date?" Anna asked.

"Well only if you'll accept." Vincent stated.

Anna smiled brightly and said "Then yes I'll go! I-I've always had a crush on you so It makes me incredibly happy to hear that you like me back!" Anna exclaimed happily as the boy she liked liked her back.

"Hehe I'm happy you like me too, Anna, I'll see you then, and get plenty of rest. You're gonna need it for when you make up for all the work you missed, but be grateful you didn't miss any tests." Vincent explained.

"Me too, I'll see you then Vince!" Anna called out as Vincent walked away.

Anna then walked into her dorm room and saw that her roommate was nowhere to be seen. Anna got curious as her roommate was normally back before her, however she saw that there was a note on her bed.

So she walked up to her bed and took the note of who it was from. She read the name and realized that it was from her room mate. So she opened it to see what it had written on it, and she hoped it would explain where she was.

The note read:

"Hey Anna, I hope you feel better when you're reading this. Sorry I'm not at the school, I had to go home as a relative of mine had passed away so I'm not going to be back in school for the week. I did buy you some of your favorite snacks for when you got back, I hope you like them!

XOXO Sahara."

Anna smiled after she finished reading the note, as Sahara always got her something she liked whenever she wasn't well. She felt lucky to have such an amazing roommate and friend. Anna folded the note back up and put it on her dresser, she then looked under her bed and found the snacks Sahara had bought for her.

"Hehe I knew they'd be down here, Sahara always hides them here to make sure none of her friends try to eat them when I'm out." Anna said to herself as she got out the snacks.

She put them on the bed and then got out of her home work. Once Anna got her things all organized she started doing her homework while eating.

"Ah nothing like having snacks while doing homework. Of course I have some extra work to do as I missed two weeks of school." Anna said to herself.

"Hehe sorry for making you miss so much of school." Anna heard a male voice say.

"Huh?! Who said that! Where are you?!" Anna asked, feeling scared of the sudden male voice.

"I'm down here! Ugh Move your shirt out of the way, it's making it hard for me to move!" The voice said.

Anna in a panic of what was going on shot up out of her bed and ran into the bathroom at once. She slammed her hands down on the bathroom sink and looked into the mirror. Shakely Anna grabbed the bottom of her shirt and pulled it up over her head to see what was going on. When she pulled her shirt off she froze in place by what she saw.

On her chest in between her breasts was the same neon green Blob she now remembers seeing on that day.

"Hello It's nice to finally talk to you in private I'm-AHHH!" The blob was interrupted when Anna screamed at the top of her lungs.

In panic of other humans rushing in to see what was going on The blob formed an extra limb and wrapped it around Anna's mouth to keep her quiet.

"Shh! Kid, be quiet! I can't have others seeing me and freaking out! I've never been on this planet before but from what I've seen in your memories your kind will find me scary. Not only that but from what I can understand from your knowledge as well your government will also try to experiment on us and I can't have that happening. I will let you go but promise me this, you won't scream alright?" The blob asked.

Anna just nodded her head with visible tears of fear in her eyes as she had no clue on what the hell was going on. The blob relaxed and uncovered Anna's mouth, before reemerging its tentacle with its body.

"Alright now as I was saying, my name is Zinsu and I'm a Plavacack and I merged myself with your body and internal systems after my previous symbiosis friend died in battle. I'm sorry for scaring you when we first met. It's just that I needed to switch to a new body after the previous one died as they could try to find me and this planet." Zinsu explained.

"Um Okay.. but wait what do you even mean by any of that?!" Anna asked, clearly confused.

"Well I merged with your DNA and physical structure, I also had to merge some of my own origins with your own. I've also merged some of our systems together and altered around some bits of your body." Zinsu explained.

"Wait what?! You did what!" Anna asked both surprised and unsettled by this.

"I've merged some of our systems with one another. Systems such as Digestive, respiratory, nervous, Circulatory , nervous, immune, and Muscular systems. Thankfully I don't have a reproductive system so you can still have children normally. That is because my kind are made from pods so we don't have families aside from pod siblings." Zinsu explained.

"Ugh! That is so messed up! But wait, how did the doctor never notice that and how did I never notice?" Anna asked, confused.

"Well first of all the scanners they used were unable to detect me as they were made only for your kind. As for how you didn't feel any of it, it's simply because I was putting out a chemical in your body that prevented you from feeling anything. If I hadn't then you would've been in extreme amounts of Pain as the process isn't too nice." Zinsu explained.

"Oh well thanks for that." Anna said sarcastically.

"Anytime, I also had to learn a lot about the human body as it's very different from any other species I've been merged with." Zinsu stated.

"Well what the hell are you some kind of Parasite?" Anna asked angrily.

"Pardon me! I'm not a parasite, we're in what you Humans call a symbiotic relationship." Zinsu said, obviously offended by being called a parasite.

"Oh really? Then how do we both benefit from this relationship Huh?" Anna angrily asked, clearly annoyed with what Zinsu had done without her permission.

"Well first of all you allow me to stay alive as my species are unable to live for very long without a host. Meanwhile your body is stronger, fast, and better than before. Remember how that girl tried to beat you up earlier today, I helped you defend yourself by using your new extra strength. Together we benefit each other as your body is now much stronger than it was before, and I get to live longer." Zinsu explained.

"Okay that's a fair point! But I never agreed to this! And I want you out of my body now!" Anna stated angrily.

"I'm sorry but that's not possible as I've already merged entirely with your body. If I was removed now then we both would die, I'm sorry but that's how my species works." Zinsu explained.

When Anna heard that she felt a bit of herself die on the inside, as she learned that this alien thing was now merged with her till she died. She couldn't believe any of this was happening to her, just about two weeks ago her life was normal.

Now she had some alien thing merged within her body and it had merged its own systems with her own. She didn't even want to think how their digestive systems were merged now as it felt like it could be super gross.

"Ugh! I can't believe this is happening to me! I have some freakish alien thing merge in my body that's so gross!" Anna exclaimed angrily.

"Hey don't be so upset this isn't as bad as you think it is, plus you're going to need me when "they" come. After all, when they come we'll need to work together to save your planet and the rest of the galaxy." Zinsu explained.

"Wait what! What the hell do you mean by that?!" Anna was concerned by what Zinsu had said.

"You'll find out soon, but for now I need to rest as I've been working restlessly to merge with you. I'll be back once I'm done sleeping. However I would like to do more research on earth as I am very curious to learn more about the planet and the species living on here." Zinsu explained.

"Oh no! We're not done here?! Don't you dare try and leave this conversation!" Anna exclaimed angrily.

However Zinsu didn't listen to her and merged back in her chest and disappeared from view. Once Zinsu was gone Anna stood there staring at the area on her chest where he was not too long ago.

"Mom dad can you see this? I've just become the home of a god fucking dam aline!" Anna angrily said as she processed what just happened.

She felt like things in her life were going to get very weird and crazy from here on out. While she was angry at Zinsu for what he did without her consent, she was also worried about what he meant by "Them". Whatever he meant she felt like it wasn't good as the way he said it made it sound like something bad was coming.

[advocatingwithariella]

All About Me!

Hello! and welcome to my blog! If you're new here my name is Ariella Deleon. I'm a 20 year old woman living with a rare disease called a Urea Cycle Disorder.

I was born with this condition and will most likely have it for the rest of my life. Now what IS a Urea Cycle Disorder you might be wondering? Well allow me to explain!

A Urea Cycle Disorder is a Genetic Metabolic Disease that is characterized by a deficiency of a vital enzyme responsible for removing Ammonia from the bloodstream. In a healthy body the enzyme I am missing would safely remove the toxin Ammonia without any issues. In my case however, My body isn't capable of removing Ammonia on it's own which can and has led to countless stays in the hospital. There are 8 subtypes of a Urea Cycle Disorder (UCD) and mine is one of the most common types known as OTC.

Ammonia is a byproduct of Protein. Yep! protein! Because of my disease and my inability to get rid of Ammonia this means I have to live by a very strict and LOW protein diet. On top of a strict Medical diet I also have to take Ammonia Scavengers daily. They help my body break down the little protein I do eat and help with getting rid of Ammonia I can't get rid of myself.

So how serious is this disease? It must just sound like something a diet and meds can fix right? Wrong.

In cases where Ammonia builds up in my body it turns into what we call a "Hyperammonemia episode." Ammonia effects the brain. When Ammonia levels rise too high they can cause brain damage, coma, or even death. There's never a 100% chance treatment at a hospital can get Ammonia levels back to normal. In fact, I've personally lost two of my baby brothers to this disease.

In a Hyperammonemia epsiode there's a lot happening to the body. When Ammonia levels are barely elevated I may not feel symptoms at all. However, When Ammonia levels are greatly elevated that's when things get dangerous. During a high Ammonia crisis I can become very combative and physical. I've thrown things, cussed out nurses, and tore my IV's before. I also lose my motor function, it becomes very difficult to walk and use my hands. I become very confused and disoriented (I act as if I'm super high or drunk), and I also become unable to stay awake (I will fall asleep, be awake for a few minutes, and repeat the pattern.) On top of all of that it greatly effects my memory as well. There's a lot I have no memory of from past high ammonia episodes.

All of this is mainly due to the impact Ammonia has on the brain. When this happens to me I'm not able to think or act clearly. Which is why having a caregiver is crucial for me as without one I wouldn't be able to safely get treatment during an Ammonia spike.

So how does this effect me?

Living with a UCD has been hard. I spent a majority of my childhood at home or in the hospital. Due to my weak immune system I didn't attend school. Therefore I never made any friends. I never went to sleepovers because finding people my family could trust to stick to my medicine schedule and diet needs was hard. It wasn't until I hit my mid teens that I finally started to stabilze. I went from being on 12G of protein to now being able to take 30-35G a day (more than double.) While I may be stable as far as not having any high Ammonia spikes for awhile, I still have to be very careful on a daily basis.

This disease causes me to be easily tired. I'm not able to be very active. I can't be out in weather above 80 degrees. My muscles are weak due to the lack of protein. My memory isn't very good. I get frequent headaches and stomach pains. I have to visit a Genetic specialist often. There's a lot I still have to manage on a daily basis even without being in the middle of a crisis. The thing is too with this disease, you can do EVERYTHING right and still get sick. Despite medication and proper care Ammonia can still spike when you least expect it. Which is a huge reason why I've dedicated my time and energy into creating this place for other people with a UCD + any other people with a rare or chronic condition.

Life is short, Nothing is for certain even if you're a completely healthy person. In my years of carrying anger towards myself for my disability I've learned to embrace it and love myself as I am. I'm grateful to have a body that does what it needs to to keep me safe. I'm grateful for the community that surrounds me and I love every part of it.

While my condition may not be curable at this moment in time. I plan to continue providing resources, advice, and encouragement for others here. I want to create and educate the world about this rare invisible disease and give tools to other patients that might make life easier. If you're looking for content surrounding any of these topics then I advise you stick around for awhile! Furthermore, thank you for taking the time to read this section and give my page a visit.

You can find other ways to contact me within my "Where to find me!" buttons.

Hope to see you around! - Ariella

[bonny-kookoo]

Brave Girl (J.JK x Reader) ☁️💜🎀🔞

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader (ft. Med student!Namjoon)

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Smut, Good Girl!AU

Warnings: Heavy angst, traffic accident, injury, hospital, Jungkook is panicking, MC gets hurt, Koo is just lost and hates hospitals :(, Namjoon being the hero he was born to be, fluffy and dramatic smut, overstimulation, mild DDLG themes, protected sex because we wrap it up in this household smh

Summary: you were supposed to be home at 6 to help Jungkook devour the feast that is the freshly baked pizza he’d made to welcome you back from your trip to your parents, yet when the clock strikes 9 you’re still not home. Just when Jungkook is about to call you since you didn’t react to his texts, he receives a call from you; and he swore his heart stopped beating. Loosing you had never been a thought in his head until now, but he might just gotten closer to this reality than he ever imagined being. And he hated it.

Good Girl || Sweet Girl || Smart Girl || Brave Girl || Pretty Girl

"Alright, do we have everything now?" Jungkook asked, helping you place your pastel pink travel bag into his car, careful not to scratch all of the sparkling and colorful stickers on it. They looked a bit worn already, but you always felt a bit upset if there was another scratch to a prized posession such as your sticker-collection- yet when Jungkook told you not to put any more on your bag, you began to pout as well. You asked with a simple nod, already excited to meet your parents again after a long time apart. Jungkook offered to drive you to the bus station, not being able to bring you there entirely because he, quote unquote, 'didn't feel ready yet'. Many would've felt offended by that, but you knew not to read too much into it when it came to him- there were a lot of things for him that were still new, and his love was strong enough for you not to question it. You were both growing comfortable at your own pace, and that was enough for now.

Your parents had understood as well, even though your father had been a little more skeptic than the rest of your family; but he'd always been a little overprotective, so it didn't surprise you at all. While you were driving home, knees against the seat in front of you, you rummaged through your small backpack, taking out a small pack of gummi bears Jungkook had packed inside. He'd been so careful with everything, insisting on buying you this specific backpack because 'it's so soft, you can use it as a pillow inside the bus so you sleep better'. Maybe you were slowly making him soft as well? You were glad however that he had packed your headache medication in as well, long rides sadly having this effect on you sometimes.

Ever since you were a kid, you've always felt safe within public transport. You've been taking the bus and train to school for years, never truly thinking about the danger it could hold. Even now, with the pouring rain outside, you felt calm. Something that would change soon.

For now however, you just noticed how the jacket of the young man next to you slowly slipped off of his lap. He was asleep, you at least thought so, but you couldn't help but reach for the jacket before it could truly fall down onto the slightly muddy floor, your own shoes slightly at fault since it was quite muddy outside before you came in and sat down. "Ah, thanks-" He suddenly said, making your eyes widen at noticing how he only head headphones in. Maybe he hadn't been asleep after all?

"No problem" You said, putting your feet underneath your butt after having taken off your shoes. Your boyfriends' advice had proven to be quite nice after all, putting on comfortable loungewear such as your soft sweatpants and a large white shirt of Jungkooks collection (he had packed it in actually) were slowly proving to be way better than your typical attire. The guy next to you- Namjoon you'd found out on your first ride, having been seated next to him as well- looked quite casual as well. Instead of his more formal clothing he'd worn the first time you had talked to him he had switched to simply jeans and a loose sweater, something that made him seem a lot younger. "Listening to a podcast again?" You casually asked him, and he smiled, taking out one of his headphones.

"No, just music this time. That whole trip kind of drained me if I'm being honest." He explained, crossing his legs before conversing further. "What about you? Had fun with your family?" He said, genuinely interested it seemed. It was rare to find someone as honest as him. At first, you had been a bit careful, knowing that men usually had intentions that differed from what they were actually saying, but Namjoon had been just as friendly as before when you had told him about Jungkook. He just said that he seemed like a nice guy, nothing more to it, and still talked to you just the same.

You nodded your head at his question. "I was kind of sad when I had to leave again, but I also can't wait to come back home!" Excitedly you wiggled around a little, before you found a good position in your seat that didn't make your legs sleep in from being bend so much Namjoon smiled at you.

"I bet. I can't wait to fall into my own bed again as well." He said, before the bus swayed a bit, making you hold onto your belongings to keep them from falling down. Namjoon leaned into the middle a bit, to look at the front window and the driver. "Jesus, he's been driving like this for a few minutes now." He mumbled, making you a bit nervous. He was a very observant person from what you'd gathered until now, your first interaction had been him asking you about your headache even though you were sure it hadn't been too noticable. He was a med student however, top of his class he'd told you, so he probably had a third eye for things like that. "Hopefully they'll change drivers soon. He seems tired." He said, and gave you a reassuring smile. "It's gonna be fine-" He said, before the bus swayed again, this time however, pushing you against the front seat from the force. Seconds later the direction changed drastically, windows shattered, and the only thing you felt when you were able to gather your thoughts again was how cold it was.

The wet ground was slowly seeping into your clothes, the weird feeling of muddy grass underneath your hands as you pulled yourself into a sitting position foreign. One of the first things you were noticing was the incredibly high pitched ringing in your ears, sounds muffled as if someone was holding their hands over them. Things were blurry, lights passing by, and something was moving in front of you. For some reason however, you were only having one thought. Jungkook. He'd know what to do. But where was your phone?

You slowly got up, yelping in pain when your knee gave out and made you fall back down again, scratching the palms of your hands open on some random branches and.. glass? Suddenly you remembered the bus, Namjoon talking to you, and then- it was as if someone skipped a video you haven't seen before, an entire fragment missing completely. You crawled out of the bushes and onto the pavement when you spotted your wet and dirty backpack, your things and several unknown items of other passengers scattered everywhere on the street. And there, just a small distance from you was you phone- the hello kitty charm ripped off and probably lost forever. The screen was an absolute mess, yet it was still working when you reached it, unlocking it with your passcode because your fingerprint scanner was a definite goner for sure. Your headache was killing you at this point, your nose running from the cold, and your mouth had a metallic and bitter taste. It started to ring. One time. Two times. A voice.

"Creepy, I was just about to text you princess. Are you close to the station yet?" He asked, you could hear the TV faintly in the background, then a little movement, his earring clattering against his plastic case he had around his phone, something that still didn't help him with his curse of breaking his screen in record time. "Hey, you there?" He said chuckling, when you eventually answered him. "Hm?" He said, suddenly furrowing his brows invisibly for you on the other side of town, ceasing his movements and instead getting up to grab the remote, silencing the TV. He could hear faint talking on your side, yet it didn't seem like casual chatter, but frantic.. almost as if someone was panicking in the background.

"I said uhm-" You started, swallowing the weird taste before looking around, noticing no movement, but someone began to shout a name, another one softly wheeping, noises increasing with every passing minute. You could faintly spot headlights behind the bus, someone driving past had noticed, and people suddenly stood at the sides. But your vision hadn't cleared yet, so maybe you just couldn't see. "I think- I think we had an accident 'Koo, I-" You said, suddenly chocking a little on the fluid in your throat, coughing to get things under control and your voice back. The mention of an accident, the way you spoke, and the cliche noise of you coughing made him get up immediately, frantically running to his jacket, reaching for his car keys. You always told him how funny it was to you how he always told everyone how organized he was, yet always loosing his car keys. Right now he wished you would make fun of him, he wished you would just say sike and reveal your joke, yet deep down he knew you would never joke about something like this.

“It’s okay baby, you’re gonna be okay, where are you?” He stresses, trying yet failing to keep his own demeanor calm over the phone. You answer him that you don’t know, and he just feels the confusion radiating off of you. Something was terribly wrong, he could feel it deep inside his veins by the way you seemed to be unable to catch an actual thought. “Are you hurt anywhere?” He asks, even though he fears the answer you might give him.

“I..don’t know? My head hurts.. I- Jungkook I think I’m bleeding, what do I do?” You stress, and feel your own panic rising in your throat, making your eyes water and nose burn. You wished you could just tell Jungkook where the hell you were but you didn’t know, streets completely strange to your eyes, shifting around like a fever dream, as if you’d never seen them before. “Kookie, ‘m scared.. I wanna sleep-“ you began to mumble, less and less conscious, your head beginning to rest on the cold ground, the bus now beginning to shift out of focus. There we’re a few people walking around and you wanted to wave, to tell them you’re here, but one of them who you recognized faintly as the guy who’d been sitting next to you during the ride noticed you anyways.

Jungkook started to panic on the other end of the line, desperately trying to pin your phones location. “No no no baby, you’re so brave, you’re such a brave girl, don’t sleep in on me right now okay?” He pleaded, growing more and more anxious the less you answered him. “Baby? Don’t stop talking to me now please.!” He said, trying to get an answer out of you. But the only thing he could hear was the soft white noise, no trace of your voice whatsoever. “Baby? Please-“ he said, eyes watering out of frustration as he noticed the sudden commotion outside, cars suddenly driving out of his nearest police station, sirens loud and clear. “Please, y/n, talk, say anything!” He begged, voice choked with unshed tears, throat closing up.

“Hello?” A stranger answered.

“Who are you? What happened to y/n? Is she okay? I-“ he tried to rush his questions as if that’d get him the answers faster.

“She’s- uh- I don’t know, the bus just suddenly lost control and she- I think she’s still breathing but uhm- look, we’re at, uh-“ Jungkook wasn’t listening after he’d gotten the information he so desperately craved. He knew where you were. He’d get to you. He needed to get to you. And for the first time ever, Jungkook actually started to pray.

He finally found his car keys, ripping the door open to close it with a loud bang behind him, TV running but long forgotten. His stubborn car door didn't open instantly, making him almost growl in anger at it, eyes watering again when he remembered how you always told him to just get it fixed instead of buying a new one. You always had this idea of things having a soul anyways, so you always told him he needed to be nice to his car, or it would be upset. Right now he was not fit to drive. He did it anyways.

He groaned at every red light, hating how he couldn't just run them over because your absolutely stupid voice kept ringing in his ear to drive safely, he hated it right now, so so much, he could've screamed at nothing right now at how enraged he was. Why didn't he just fucking jump over his own shadow and drive you to your parents? None of this would be a thing if he would just finally man up instead of cowering all the time, simply believing that his time with you was endless. He knew it wasn't. He knew one day you two would pass. But that was supposed to be when you both were old and wrinkly, when you both had kids and grandkids, when both of you had enough stupid and disgustingly sweet stories to be able to make them gag at how he would still call you his most beautiful girl. This wasn't happening. He was going to make sure of it.

He reached the destination a little too far away, cars already stopping traffic, people on the side, watching, and he felt agitated again. He decided to simply turn his steering wheel, half-hazardly parking his car almost in the bushes next to the road, before opening the door with his key and phone in hand, closing his car door way too harsh as he could hear something crack, but his legs were already making him run at the fastest pace he had ever before. His hair and clothes, the black zip hoodie he had thrown over his grey shirt were growing damp from the mild rain coming down, yet he didn't care. He had his hood up, before it slipped down, his hands pushing past people, the need to insult them for staring and taking pictures instead of actually helping strong inside his veins, yet he simply portrayed his distaste at his not so gentle shoving to get past them.

Somehow he had apparently arrived before police or the ambulance had, because there was no one there yet. "Y/N!" He yelled, his voice frantic and almost unrecognizable, even to his own ears. He could spot people laying around, some helping others, and some simply waiting for help as he searched for your figure among them. He saw some of your stuff, the travel bag you had, now wet and scratched, your backpack, thrown on the street and some small items he could recognize as yours such as the formerly white bunny jacket he had bought you before you went on this trip. "Y/N!" He yelled again, and got someones attention a bit off the side near the woodside next to the road. "Oh no-" He whispered under his breath when he could see the guy leaning a bit over you, your head on the ground below, soft socks a darker shade than usual from the moisture they had picked up by now. You were laying on your side, the young man pushing a flannel shirt against your hip. He ran straight towards you, reaching out to grab you, just to have the stranger grab his hands instead, pushing at his chest. "What the fuck-?!" He exclaimed, ready to burst.

"We don't know how serious her injuries are at the moment. If you move her you could make the damage worse." He said, serious. "It's better to leave her like this, and wait for the ambulance." He said, unable to make the younger ones angry and frustrated face calm down, but he listened anyways, knowing deep down that he was right. "Kim Namjoon by the way, Medical student- trust me, I know what I'm doing okay?" He refrained from telling the younger one that you would be okay, having sworn to himself when he started as a med student to never give out false hope. Jungkook nodded, tears finally falling as he swallowed hard, simply running his hand over your hair, trying to give you reassurance- or maybe he tried to reassure himself that you were still there. Maybe even both.

When the ambulance arrived, you slowly gained a little more consciousness again, hand grabbing at nothing. "..'Koo?" You said, unsure if he was really there or if the smell of his bodywash on the shirt you were making was playing tricks on you. He gasped, leaning down, his other hand running over your bare arm softly as to warm you up.

"I'm here, I'm here baby, you're okay." He said, this time saying these words to reassure himself purely. Namjoon noticed you shivering after Jungkook did, and he instantly took off his jacket, even though it was thin, simply to cover you up. Namjoon yelled for the ambulance to notice them, and both of the guys breathed a sigh of relief when they were running over towards you three.

However, now Jungkook had to face another fear, apart from still possibly loosing you. He hated hospitals. Not in the quirky kind of 'ugh I hate the smell of disinfectant' kind of way, the kind of 'I rather cast my broken wrist with duct tape and wooden icecream sticks just to not have to go near this place' kind of way. When he was asked if he would like to ride with you his terrified eyes looked at Namjoon, the answer he gave an unsure, yet clear nod. He had to be strong right now. You needed him right now, more than ever.

Inside the ambulance, he didn't let go of your hand. You had a hard time answering questions, so Jungkook had to step in now. He kept his eyes on your face, trying to blend out the equipment around you two to not get riled up. Someone had to be there a hundred percent. The nurse noticed pretty quickly, laying a hand on his shoulder to hopefully calm him down. "She's stable right now, okay? We'll wheel her in as soon as we reach the hospital, someone will ask you for her information since we couldn't find her ID or anything on the scene, alright?" He asked, and he nodded, clearing his throat before he resumed watching you breathe. He would've never guessed how happy he would feel just to see such a small thing from you.

A hot cup nudged his hands that were over his head, and he slowly looked up, surprised to see Taehyung of all people in front of him, his newly red hair in complete dissarray as well as his clothes. He looked like Jungkook felt if he was being honest. "Tae?" He asked, voice rough while taking the cup from his friend. His friend simply shrugged, before He sat down next to him, eyes red. "What-" He started, but Taehyung leaned back, speaking quitely, oddly calm, considering his usually loud personality.

"I-" He started, before he seemed to think a bit about how to phrase his next words. "Someone I know was on the same bus." He said. "I heard you talk to the nurse at the counter." He explained when Jungkooks brows furrowed in confusion. "They've managed to stabalize her, but she'll need surgery tonight." He said, and Jungkook wanted to ask who the person was- yet he refrained from doing so. Him and Taehyung were close, sure, but exactly that was what made him stay quiet about it. He knew when it was okay to ask, and when to just shut up. And right now, he simply nodded at him.

"So we're both gonna have a sleepover here?" He asked grimly, pathetically trying to lift the mood. Taehyung just nodded.

When you woke up, it wasn't like it was usually displayed in movies or cheesy novels. It wasn't a slow, gentle breeze from your window, or the way your boyfriend spoke next to you. No, it was actually absolutely silent, except the constant beeping next to you. You actually woke up way faster than you hoped for, your eyes opening like you've just got ripped out of a dream where you fall downstairs or something alike. You heard Jungkook groan sleepily, before he eventually moved his head a little, turning so you could see how exhausted he looked. His eyelashes looked damp, tiny hairs bound together into little groups as he sniffled, head on your hand, open palm holding his cheek as if he needed to feel you even in his dreams. The sight calmed you down.

The change of heartbeat and pulse made the machine next to you switch sounds, and soon you heard the door open, a friendly nurse walking in, smile on her face as her gaze found Jungkook still in the same position as hours before, unbeknownst to you. "How are you feeling, miss?" She softly said, quiet as to not wake the young man who had been switching between crying, watching, or sleeping next to you for the past days. You swallowed, mouth dry, and nodded towards the empty coffee cups next to you on the small bedside table. "I'll get you some water okay? Welcome back miss. I'll just check your vitals for a second." She said, and you nodded at that. Checking the machines and you, she walked out, leaving the door open so you could hear a bit of what was going on in the hallways. Footsteps and sometimes the tune of someones phone going off, random words you were too tired still to understand, and an elevator. Jungkook stirred next to you, opening his eyes after taking a deep breath, yawning before his eyes found yours.

It took him amusingly a couple of seconds before he shot up, immediately coughing from having inhaled his own saliva. You laughed at that, flinching a bit when it made your body ache, before taking him in. He looked horrible, hair a mess, eyes red and skin a bit pale, yet he smiled brighter than he did back when you bought him the new destiny 2 game for his playstation as a surprise. His eyes glistened, suddenly getting a sparkle to them before his lip started to quiver. He dropped his head on your shoulder, silently crying, but this time, he cried from relief. From happiness. From just how much he loved the world right now for giving him more time with you, for giving him a chance to be the embarrassing father and naggy grandpa he always wanted to be someday. Your arm bend and your hand ran through his hair, not minding the long unkempt locks one bit.

The nurse came back in, smiling brightly with a tall doctor in tow, who had a friendly face as well. "Good to have you back miss. How are we feeling?" He said, trying not to grin at Jungkook, who had yelled at the man several times when he'd tried to tell him to go home and rest. You were oblivious to this obviously. Jungkook raised his head a little, using his flannel sleeve to dry his tears, clearing his throat to at least try to look like he got his shit together.

"Uhm, I feel like I had to take my fitnessgram pacer test again, plus a bit more muscle pain in my hip?" You said, making the man chuckle.

"That's completely understandable considering you flew quite a distance miss. We were quite surprised that you were fine breathing on your own, considering everything. You're quite lucky; but we're gonna keep you under surveillance until friday. Your bodyguard can take you home after 12 whenever he likes." He said with a smirk in Jungkook's direction, the one spoken of growing a bit red on the tips of his ears. The doctor leaves after asking you general questions such as, if you knew the current year, your address, and your personal information such as your birthday.

The nurse left the cup of water and a straw on the small table. "I'll let you both catch up. Please make sure she drinks the whole cup, but only a couple of sips at a time alright?" She said to your boyfriend, who nodded, having calmed down a little by now. He moved, his hand a bit shaky as he ripped the top of the papercover of the straw off, before taking the plastic drinking help out of its minimalistic packaging. He put it inside the cup after bending it a bit, before he moved to you, helping you with outmost care to sit up a little. You winced a bit when you tried to move too fast, and Jungkooks face got a little more serious at this. You began to pout at him.

"What?" He said, voice still a bit rough from the lack of using- and the simultaneous shouting everytime he'd opened his mouth these days. He sighed. "Come on, you heard the nurse- you gotta drink." He said, but you stubbornly moved your head to the side, sideeying him. His brow raised in a questioning matter, before he noticed your posture. You had your arms in front of you in a hugging manner, and he suddenly realized how his behaviour must've looked for you. "I'm sorry princess I just.." He said, putting the cup down and running a hand through his hair. "I just.. I was so terrified when I saw you there-" He said, having to swallow hard again so he didn't end up crying again. God, what was it with him again? "Why didn't you call an ambulance? Why did you call me instead?" He asked, a bit of whine to it. You shrugged, deflating a bit in your position leaned up against the pillows.

"You were.. dunno, the first one I thought of." You explained. In Hindsight it had been a bit dumb, why did you call him as if he could magically appear in that second to make everything better, but somehow your brain made that story into a real possibility. "You always make everything better, and you know.. you always know what to do so.." You said, and Jungkook breathed out in a sight.

He leaned closer to you, tattooed hand brushing away some of your hair to place a kiss to your forehead. "Oh baby.." He simply said, resting his against your head for a second, before his thumb brushed over your cheek. "I'm driving you anywhere you need to be from now on." He said, and you nodded with a smile. "Alright. Now come on, drink something." he spoke before picking up the cup, helping you with the straw, taking it away from you after a couple of sips, making you whine. "I know doll, but we don't wanna overdo it alright?" He said. You looked at him with a smile, and he happily returned it.

"Jungkook I can do that-" You said, before he silenced you with a look.

"I'm sorry, as cute as you look walking around like a newborn babydeer, I really like to keep you from falling down again, thank you very much." He said, accusingly pointing to the small bandage on your knee from having stumbled on your way into the kitchen yesterday. Your visible wounds were healing well, but you still had a bit of nerve damage from your nasty fall, which made your legs feel like they're constantly in a state between sleeping in and waking up, minus the pins and needles. They moved, yeah, you could feel them, yes, but it felt like they were wrapped in plastic and someone messed with the controls. Jungkook found it a bit adorable, but he rather not have you give him a shock again from almost hitting the kitchen tiles. Slowly, he came back with a glass of water, making you smile and thank him. He'd currently taken time off from work, having explained to his boss that he had to nurse you for a bit until you could be home by yourself. His boss had been pretty understanding, agreeing to him taking his vacation earlier and with short notice.

One thing you noticed however, was how careful Jungkook was around you. Now, that itself wasn't a bad thing, since right now you're a bit more fragile then usually so, but he was careful in a different way. Ever since you both left the hospital on friday, he stopped giving you goodnight kisses. He rarely hugged you, only ever if you initiated it, and he refused to be close to you during the night, making up excuses like 'I'm scared I'll roll you over during the night babygirl.' That was utter bullshit, because he'd never been worried about that in the past. He's a heavy sleeper and barely moves when he sleeps, so why would it be an issue now?

That was when the goddamn thoughts came back to you. Maybe he realized how close he'd gotten to you and didn't want that anymore? Maybe he wanted to go back to his old way of living, without any strings attached to anyone?

That night, you decided to speak up. Jungkook and you were sitting on the bed, you criss crossed, and him with his back towards you, feet on the carpeted floor. "You can, uhm.. you know, drive me back to the hospital tomorrow so I can get checked back in." You quietly said. He instantly turned around, his phone no longer worth his attention as his brows furrowed.

"Why? Are you okay? Did the stitches open up again?" He said, a bit of panic making his words hurry on their way out of his mouth. You shook your head.

"No, but I don't wanna, you know. You don't like me saying I'm a burden so I won't say it, but yeah. I get it, you know? Its okay, really-" You said, head lowering until you stared your lap. You heard and felt him move, his hand softly on your back.

"What're you saying princess? Why the fuck would you think I don't want you anymore?" He knew your innuendos by now, and he didn't like that you implied a breakup in your sentence one bit. "Baby I'm gonna take care of you now and everyday you need me to, you know that." He said, confused.

You looked at his throat, unable to shift your gaze any higher up, in fear of what his eyes would tell you. "But, you know.. if we're good, why.. why 'm I not getting any kisses anymore? No hugs? No nothing? " You said, starting to pick at your fingers. Maybe you were just making it worse for him. Maybe he'd just tried to figure out how to tell you in a good way, and you just made it so much harder for him to do so. However, the hand on your back left, just so he could take your body into his arms. "I'ts okay, you know-" You started again, and he hushed you.

"None of that, please don't talk like that, please don't." He said, almost breathless as if he was scared to say the words out loud. "Getting told I could loose you for good was terrifying enough already, thank you very much." He said, a dry laugh escaping him, humor nowhere to be seen in it. Typically he would relish in the feeling of his broader and stronger frame compared to you, he would smile at the mere size difference of your hands or the way he could easily pick you up and carry you anywhere he wanted to. But right now it only reminded him how fragile you were, how careful he had to be not to hurt you. He felt helpless, and it was a feeling he decided he'd hate until he died. "I just- I'm scared I'll hurt you." He said, quietly, hoping that maybe you won't hear. But you did.

Holding his face in your hands you were reminded again just how inexperienced he was in this entire thing as well. You always thought he could lead the way without problems, that he knew everything and could teach you what you wanted to know. Yet maybe you both could learn from one another, more so than just you from him. "You won't." You said, and you stubbornly kissed him as he tried to protest, pecking his lips with a newfound courage you didn't knew you had until then. He tried again, just to get another kiss. This went on for a bit, until he deepened the gesture a bit, hand finding its way into your hair, before he pulled away.

"Don't rile me up baby." He groaned, running a hand through his hair. He hated how much you could get under his skin right now, covering his lower half under the blanket you both shared almost shamefully. You kissed him again, making him laugh, finally this time for real. "Stop, I'm serious. You're still healing, or did you forget?" He said, and you whined.

"But you can be gentle! My stitches are coming out on Monday anyways, I'll be fine!" You said, and he had to chuckle at you, his mind being torn from side to side. He didn't know if he could, but the way you trusted him made him wan't to at least try. With a little hesitance he dived in again, making you smile against his lips.

He made you lie down again, slowly, crawling over your form, unhurried, as if you both got all the time of the world. And you had, he knew you had. When you whined, he simply grinned at you. "No no Baby, let's just be close, okay?" He said, voice low and soft, making you melt underneath him. For the first time ever, as cheesy as it sounden, it wasn't about reaching your highs anymore for him. He was a believer that good sex had to finish with as much pleasure as possible for him, yet that had entirely began to shift when he'd met you. Suddenly things weren't about him anymore, suddenly he started to become less and less self-centered; but this time nothing mattered at all. It wasn't about reaching your goal and claiming your prize in form of an orgasm, it wasn't about pure pleasure and satisfaction. No, this time it was about feeling as close to you as he could, he needed to feel every inch of you simply to reassure himself that you were still here, real, and with him.

He reached for the first drawer of the bedside table, your kisses on his chest and biceps making his heart race. Slipping the condom on with your help, not because he needed it but because you wanted to, he made himself at home inside you, mind slowing down with every move he made, his thoughts and body being reminded that you were okay, you were fine, you were still here with him, you didn't leave. Maybe he should be scared of how dependend he'd become on you, how you had sneaked your way past all his walls and made yourself at home inside his soul. Maybe he should be afraid or worried how he couldn't escape you anymore, how he couldn't take a fast exit out of the situation you both had made. But right now, none of that mattered.

Your mind was fuzzy, no thought able to be caught properly, and you let yourself slip even further, giving your entire being into his posession. This was just about being close, and you felt protected and safe with him, his pace slow and unhurried, gentle, and his hands reaching for yours, intertwining your fingers in a soft gesture. It showed just how much he was actually hurting, how much the entire situation had affected him; this was so unlike him that it made you feel proud of yourself to be able to witness it at all. He was laying himself bare in every way for you, and you didn't dare threw salt on his exposed flesh.

He didn't notice if he or you had come at all, continuing to move, yet never picking up his pace. When he watched your blissful face underneath him, his eyes stung again, tears knocking at the back of them, and he gently placed his head on your shoulder, kissing every part of your skin he could reach there, gasping and breathing hard. Never in his wildest dreams he would've thought that this would be the situation he would found pleasure in, yet it happened in that moment, and god, he felt like he couldn't stop. He felt like he could torture himself like this forever if it meant he could show you how utterly terrified he had been of loosing you, how terrified he still was deep down, and how terrified he would always be. He needed you like oxygen at this point, and it scared him shitless, yet even that was something he accepted with open arms and a smile in exchange for your affection. He was whipped for you, deep down bound to you by iron shackles, but he would never ask for a change whatsoever.

The night ended with both of you exhausted yet happy, tangled together under wrinkled sheets and a blanket thrown over your forms.

"I absolutely love you." You said, eyes wide and sparkling at the amount of junkfood your boyfriend carried inside the living room, coat still a bit wet from the rain outside. He brought a wave of cool and fresh air with him, making you shiver for a bit before your hand dived into the first paper bag, the crinkling sound ever so present. He laughed, throwing his coat over the side of the couch before he sat down next to you.

"You only love me for food, how tragic." He said, playfully sighing at it, watching you pout at him. "sorry baby, 'm joking." ruffling your hair he snatched a fry from the small bag you had in your hands, making you whine, but laugh at the same time.

Straightening your back you tried to look taller than him, making him chuckle. "I see this as a reward for not crying today!" You said proudly, and he smiled, nodding. You had gotten your final stitches removed, and even though it was still terrifying for both of you, Jungkook had finally faced his fear and came with you to your appointment, although he had still been heavily uncomfortable, rushing you both out as fast as possible. He was proud however, because even though you had every reason to, you didn't cry- simply squeezing his hand a bit, but nothing too much.

"I know, I know." He said, rummaging through the second large brown bag to fish himself a burger. "That's because you're the bravest girl ever-" He said, yelping when you snatched the food from him. "And also the most daring it seems, you gotta share baby!" He said playfully accusing, reaching for it just for you to hold it further away. "Good girls share, come on, I deserve a reward too you brat!" His hands reached for the item of his desire, making him raise his brows at you. Kissing your slightly greasy and salty lips, he laughed when you made a whiny sound at him. "Come on, this shit was expensive, let's eat."

"I've never seen you cry so much."

"Shut up."

"It was cute though-"

"Oh I'm about to be really fucking cute, get over here young lady!"

Taglist: @sweetenedcooky @ggukkieland @btsismybias22 @darkgvk @daddypkj @flowerprincess24 @crazylittlemay @zeharilisharaban

[da-at-ass]

So this is where I am with mental illness, being a trans man, and having migraine headaches from a childhood injury that my parents won't give me more than sparse details on but which left me with a head scar that is visible to every person I meet:

IBS-like symptoms such as gut pain and severe indigestion arise when there is stress or hypervigilance. This often results in severe inflammation of the bowel area, and sometimes causes nausea which makes it difficult to eat.

Headaches and heat flares also occur with stress and it is difficult to take medication for them when my guts are inflamed and I'm nauseous. Dramamine is only so effective. So I end up just trying to use cold compresses, air conditioning, etc. Headaches get immensely worse if I don't have enough protein or carbs, which can be a problem if I have IBS-like symptoms.

Headaches also occur due to seasonal changes and pressure shifts. I have a crack in my skull and a scar on my scalp that ache when these things occur.

Sometimes the headaches are actually muscle tension in my neck pulling at my head and scalp. I have a few connections missing when it comes to my scalp and facial muscles, so my face itself tends to be tenser than normal just to keep a "neutral" expression instead of "frowning" all the time. (Turns out it takes me a lot more muscles to smile because those tendons/connections were cut! When I was 3-5 years old, age varying depending on when my parents have told me about it!)

The inflammation in my guts can cause the testosterone I take to not be able to reach my ovaries consistently due to the whole system just being overloaded, which means that this causes other problems with my sleep cycle, sanity, digestion, etc. Basically the whole ecosystem reboots after a few days and afterwards hormones start working again.

My headache pain meds are very effective when they're treating, specifically, migraine-like headache pain. But they also affect my mood and emotional stability. Which means, well, sometimes I have to cancel interactions with the rest of the world because I'm just that internally unregulatable. If the headache meds don't work then the pain itself causes me to be very critical or angry, because it's hard to feel other things when I'm feeling these ways.

Light is very hard to handle when the pain is bad in my head, and so I can't watch things all the time, or even be in a room with a decent amount of light in it.

There's some coping mechanisms I've developed, and some of them work well, and some of them require resources I don't have right now. For instance, there's no hot water in my house right now, and that means I can't take a hot shower, which is often very helpful for the temperature regulation. I've tried a cold shower and it just makes my muscles clench up. The opposite of what I need in that state.

What's the most frustrating for me is that I enjoy doing things for my family and for others, and I actually enjoy work. But in this state, I can't be reliable for anyone. I don't know when I'll find an equilibrium that makes it more workable. I know when my astrology says things open up, but that's it. Honestly, I think it'll take a hysterectomy to put my system where it needs to be, and I'd like top surgery while I'm at it. The hormones would work out a lot better without the stupid ovaries in there. The muscles would work better without the stupid extra chest baggage there.

I don't see much about trans health issues besides binders and basic hormone access. This condition complicates my life incredibly, and there have been many times that I have tried to expedite the surgery stuff only to have people get in the way with their needs and concerns instead of listening to mine. I just feel like I'm about to have a huge paradigm shift in my life, like this situation can't hold as-is, and whatever's on the other side is so drastically different that I can't imagine it yet.

Until then, I never know what the next day is going to be like, living inside this body that other people rigged up into a chemical bomb with their poisons.