#I'm used to being able to take pain meds when i get a headache but Not This Time

[nobodybetterlookatme]

Fevers are cool except when they happen to me

[evilminji]

Okay, so maybe it's just me? Projecting my new Tea Phase?

Cause for med reasons, no more energy drinks, only Teeeeeeaaaaa~☆

But honestly? Now that I am an adult and ACTUALLY KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT? Really digging it! Am enjoying the Teas. Mmmmmmm~ leaf broth. I like the fruity ones.

So! IMAGINE~☆ If you will:

Danny. 14 and his parents are LOUD AS FUCK (CRASH BANG SMASH BANG WHIIII-) dispite it being, once again, a school night. This has been going one For Years. That STUPID fucking machine. All God damned hours. Crashes and bangs and powertools. Explosions.

When will it ever end!

He's... he's honestly used it.

Unknowingly? This is is a skill that will come in handy later. Living and functioning while sleep deprived. Healthy? Fuck no. But it's USEFUL. He IS the ten year old downing Monster drinks in the parking lot before school.

It makes him a jittery weirdo. Twitchy. Too much caffeine, not enough sleep, his parents either blew up or TOOK APART the washing machine AGAIN. He... he never stood a chance. It's a miracle the indoor plumbing hasn't been compromised yet... AGAIN.

His blood is more sugar, caffeine, and guarana or whatever those other things in the can are, then actual human blood. He doesn't CARE. He just needs too get decent grades, graduate, and become an astronaut. It's... it's FINE. This is normal. They're FINE.

(If they weren't... someone would have noticed, right? Would have DONE something. Cared. So it HAS to be fine. His family's just weird. It's FINE.)

But THEN...

The Accident.

And his biology CHANGES. Green goo, wrapped vicious and loving, around his very DNA. Like Kintsugi of the body and soul. In green, Green, GREEN. It... it's a lot. Everything changing all at once. Maybe that's why it takes him so long to notice.

Why he thinks "oh, I'm just tired cause I'm running more then usual. Fighting and flying. Doing ghost stuff."

When... when honestly? Some part of him always kinda KNEW. From the very moment he stumbled out of the portal. The aftershocks. The pain. Sam and Tucker crying, scrambling to help him up the stairs. Sam tearing her bag apart looking for her cramps medicine. Because... because pain medication is pain medication.

"It's gonna be okay, Danny. Please. Please god, just take it! I promise it's gonna be okay!"

How do you look your panicked, crying, strongest-person-you-know best friend in the eyes and tell her... you can FEEL it dissolving in your throat. Like the pills were dumped in a human shaped pot of acid. That... that the pain isn't changing... and you... you don't think it's going too.

When you're scared. Might be dying. And you can already tell they think it's their fault. W... when you're all just KIDS. And all you can think is... you can let them know how bad... how bad it hurts...

They'd never be able to live with that knowledge.

Yeah. Yeah, Sam. Thanks. T... The pills helped a lot. He feels better. You really saved the day. He lo... loves you guys so much.

...

.....

He thinks about that moment A LOT. About how much he realized and knew, before the denial kicked in. Before he got so... Tired. Fresh of all that energy. And? You'd think he realize. The mood swings. The irritability. The headaches that disappear the SECOND he goes ghost. That he's in caffeine withdrawal. But? Nope.

He kinda blames the constant ghost attacks for distracting him.

But see... Sam? Doesn't drink tea. Goes against her diet. Tucker was where he GOT his illicit borderline illegal energy drinks. And his sister? Big on flavored sparkling waters. Which are gross to him.

His PARENTS drink a thick tar they insist is coffee. It might be liquid fudge. Zone knows its nearly the same consistency. It's horrifying. No thanks, he wants to LIVE.

It's? Ironically? Mr. Lancer and his constant detentions, that help Danny realize somethings up. Because Mr. Lancer shares. If he makes a cup for himself, he'll make one for you. It's how he was raised. And, yeah, the after school detentions? Those were herbal blends. No caffeine.

But...

But they tasted nice. Were warm. The classroom was quiet and as frustrating as it was? The tea itself? Was always... the one exception to how shit the situation was. So Danny finally broke down and asked about it. Learned Mr. Lancer knew a? Surprisingly LOT about tea. Huh.

Then one day he gets SATURDAY detention. Oh joy!

Bright and early. One of the few times he could be trying, desperately, to be sleeping through his parents cacophony. Catching up on his desperately needed Zzz's. Here he is... getting a handed a new cup of different tea?

Breakfast blend? And a bagel..

N...none hostile breakfast? A quiet space to catch up on his homework? No Dash? Just... just a quiet classroom, some tea, and the sounds on a peaceful morning outside?

......oh.

It's the best time he's had in school in... God, in YEARS. He gets so MUCH done. For once can concentrate. And? Actually, now that he thinks about it? Feels... awake? Or at the very least, not as sleepy. And being a Fenton, whom to the LAST are a genius if eccentric family, it's pretty damn easy to put two and two together.

Tea.

He felt more awake after having Lancer's breakfast blend tea.

He obviously asks about it. Then, after detention is done. Calm packs up. Goes home. Drops his back in his room. Goes ghost. And SHOOTS for the Far Frozen with his phone and an energy drink. Because clearly he's missing something and it's time to ask.

The good doctors of the Frozen are... gently horrified. Clawed hands steeples infront of their mouths as they try to tactfully figure out how to word "Great One, WHAT THE FUCK!?!? Why would you DO THIS TO YOURSELF!?" Because that... is not professional. Breathe. In, out, in, out. We can do this.

They get the most patient and restrained of their elders to... CALMLY, very VERY Calmly, ask some medical questions. Listen. Without judgements! Because they are medical professionals. Who do NOT want to scream, forever, into the void. Certainly not. So Calm! (They are going to BURN THAT CAN IN-)

Which! Huh. Yeah, that explains the constant exhaustion. He was poisoning himself. Kinda. Not so much the GHOST but the human half. Putting to much strain and too much trace chemicals, minerals, and buckets of sugar. General "mmmm :/ Don't Like THAT ™" energy from the Goo causing it too try and constantly burning it all out of existence. Endlessly.

The more he put in, the more there was to burn. The more there was to burn, the more tired he became. The more tired he became... well, the more he put in. It was a slowly lethal starvation cycle. Big Yikes.

The TEA on the other hand? Those are leaves. The good recognizes leaves and water. Other various plants, dried or otherwise. It ignores them as "fine" until they reach a "problematic" threshold, apparently? So... *blank look at the doctor*

*sighs in medical professional*

Tea? Good. Satan Can of Halfa Poison? Bad. Please drink tea.

👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

And it's like MAGIC. He's suddenly BACK, baby! Ha ha ha! Skulker you fuckin THOUGHT?! Oh it's 2am? Well SUPRISE bitch! He's bright eyed and bushy tailed! His grades are up AND he's beating you like a drum! He has ice breakers for old people discussions now!! The local Tea Shops have NEVER been so well protected.

He actually manages to graduate with not just decent grades? But GOOD ones.

And the second. The INSTANT. He is legally his own man? Has his important paperwork squirrelled away and the go bags safely WELL outside of Amity. It's time. He meets OUTSIDE the house, because he's not an idiot. He's been practicing his Clones and has them ready to grab his parents so he can get out of there alive. Jazz is on video call from Star city.

His parents... suspected. Not at first, but as goofy as they are? They aren't ACTUALLY idiots. They've been watching, going over old research. Trying, failing, to get in touch with the League to have THEIR team test their research. Peer review is critical after all. They... they had been so certain. Are still somewhat certain.

But their research doesn't exactly ACCOUNT for this "halfa" phenomenon. So, there is a very real chance they are missing something. The one thing the DO know? Danny is their son. Stuck in some eternal mortally wounded state or not, he is a hero. And they weren't there for him.

They can't change their beliefs on a dime. But they've clearly missed a great deal. And refuse to fall to academic bias. The very thing that got them LAUGHED AT for decades. Mocked and belittled. This is their life's work. By God they WILL find out the truth.

It's? Better then he could have hoped. Not perfect. But better.

He helps set up safeties and a security check point at the portal. Both sides. He's kinda a big deal these days, mom, dad. Ghost scientists eager to work with them. A whole TEAM under their command. It certain endears ghosts to them a whole lot more. Then?

Copy of the blue prints, go bag turned into normal bags, Danny's off to college.

Bounces from major to major. Nothing really capturing his interest. As he aged, he's need less sleep. Gotten stronger. Grown into his father's height and grandfathers build. Tucker keeps calling him a dorito. Danny retaliates with Ancient Egyptian Cyber/Pharoah Twink allegations. According to SAM they are both dumbasses.

She's not WRONG... but hey D:<

Eventually? A really niche botany seminar run by Pamela Isely catches the attention of Tucker, who forwards it to him n Sam. Nice ™. It's being held in her Murder Park! Cool! Obviously they have to go. So off to Gotham they go. And? When they get there? Sam is APPALLED.

She may HATE landlords as much as the next activist.... but LOOK at all these run down, foreclosed, rotting buildings! Beautiful gothic infrastructure! Those could be businesses or homes! Danny, busy with signing them up, makes the mistake of tuning her out as she rants in fury. She does this some times. Needs to vent. Uh huh, you're very right. You should contact somebody. I agree. Mmmhmmm.

Hey, Sam, Ms. Isely needs your-....

Sam?

Oh FUCK ™.

By the time the Seminar come around? Sam has violently kicked in the door of more then a feel reality offices. Owns QUITE a few buildings. Danny is sweating. She... she's doing the THING again. The "gimme your Ghost Crew, I KNOW you have a highly specific Ghost Crew, don't you DARE lie to me or I take your knee caps, Danny" stare.

>.> Sam you can't keep doin- *stare intensifies* Yes Ma'am. *Pulls out Fenton phone* and so? Here come the renovation crew. The ONLY honest building Crew in all of Gotham. They cut no corners. Can't be threatened. Gangs, villians, and even local government office try to arrange... accidents on the build sites.

Nothing. Nada. In fact, it turns out more dangerous for THEM then this crew of outsiders!

Wtf!

Then? After these two College age weirdos finish Poison Fuckin Ivys HIGHLY SUSPECT biology seminar? Manson fucks off to who knows where! Leaving what HAS to be "the muscle" behind. Cause I mean? Look, at the guy! He's huge! And what does he do?

Goes building to building. Rents them out to low income families. Honest, hard working shop keepers. And? Eventually decides to settle smack dab in the middle of Gotham, in the shadow of Wayne fuckin tower, spitting distance from the Space museum..... and open? A tea shop? The FUCK?

"The Zone".

In a weird shade of green. With little ghosts, wearing crowns, because and I quote "it's funny"? Certainly crazy enough for Gotham. But like, it's loud as FUCK here. Crowded. There are gas attacks and shit. It'll never las-....

It stays untouched for MONTHS.

Sometimes being the ONLY building near it to be untouched. Gas NEVER getting in. The damn place a BUNKER. And? Despite looking like it's two floors? It's three. You enter and your actually on the second floor. No one's even sure where the fuck the guy LIVES, since he never seems to leave.

Not only THAT. But it... it's like one of those old school apothecaries. Big ol bank of drawers. Guy'll mix up your blend for you right as you watch. Tea nuts are actually risking COMING to Gotham to try his stuff. Writing articles. Apparently he has some pretty rare shit in those drawers.

Some UNKNOWN shit, according to one guy on ViewTube.

There's this whole debate on if it's Ultra Super Rare or that means it's just super cheap knock off crap. Some of them he won't make for people, even if they ask. There's a rumor it's for Meta's with specific diets. Or alien blends. But no one can verify that. Cause like?

Anyone who tries to cause trouble?

Can't fucking FIND the place. And if you're already inside? You just... drop. Stone cold unconscious. It's definitely magic but no one knows if it's HIS or Manson's? You know? He won't talk. Gets annoyed when harrased.

Which off course!

Leaves Only ONE gentleman for the job. An elite special forces trained expert. Polite, dignified, enjoyer of fine Teas. Alfred "Why do you chucklefucks keep forgetting I was in the Queens Service and a Registered Badass" Pennyworth.

After all! He DOES have the days shopping to do.

@babbling-babull @the-witchhunter @hdgnj @legitimatesatanspawn @lolottes

[ravencantwrite]

Small things that Logan does for you

Logan x Chronically ill! Reader

Warnings: nothing really, just a lil fluffy hehe

Carries your bag for you

You are used to carrying your bag around with you after all it had almost everything you'd need— meds, pain relief patches, first aid material, or any other things that you'd need. But sometimes it does become a headache to take it everywhere. Holding on to your bag, or carrying your stuff around in a sling isn't really the most comfortable spot to be in really, considering the weight of the bag after everything you have to carry.

So when you try to pack less stuff than you usually do, Logan notices and immediately asks you if you don't need them anymore. "It's not that I don't need them, I'm just trying to take what I think I won't need today so that my bag won't be heavy", you tell him. He knows that your symptoms sometimes worsen suddenly and he is not willing to take the chance of going out with you and you not having everything that you need to help yourself.

"Pack everything that you need. Don't worry about how heavy it's going to be, I'll carry it for you", he tells you. And so he walks around with a little brown bag which obviously looks stuffed, hanging over his shoulders with a smile on his face, content at the fact that he was able to help you.

He packs your umbrella for you

Sometimes you tend to forget that your joints somehow predict the weather better than the weather report does. So when they start aching at first you blame it on overworking yourself, sleeping wrong, or anything else you can think of at the moment. The thought of the humidity in the air actually being the reason for your joint pain doesn't really occur to you.

It's only when you look out of the window from the class you were teaching at in the X Mansion that you see the grey clouds growing over the buildings, covering what was once a clear blue sky, that you realise the real cause of your joint pain. Your phone rings and it's Logan on the other end.

"Is it raining there yet? Because if it is, I packed your umbrella in your bag. Don't take too long and come back home after your shift."

He would always protect you in crowds

You can't always void crowds although you wish you could. People pushing against you, almost knocking you down accidentally wasn't really something that you look forward to. So when you're in a particularly very crowded elevator with Logan he makes sure to stand in a way that would let you have your space and would keep other people at a respectable distance so that when they move in or out of the elevator they don't accidentally hit you.

He would always try to get you to the side of the elevator so that you could hold onto the handrail and get that extra support that you would need while standing. And if that isn't enough, he would place his hand on your back, supporting you.

[russellsppttemplates]

We're a couple of idiots, aren't we? (Charles Leclerc)

You had always been there to see Charles race and you wouldn't let your fight interfere with that

Note: english is not my first language. I'm not the best at writing angst pieces, but I hope this one is decent enough!

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Tw: family issues (alludes to the caregiver necessities), couple fight

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog

It all began when you came home later than expected, the tiredness evident in your eyes as you paced your bag down on the sofa and allowed yourself to rest for a little, "Hey, amour", Charles whispered, testing to see if you were awake as he walked inside the living room, "hey", you said, patting the seat next to you.

Kissing your forehead, Charles sat next to you, "how was your day?", he asked, rubbing your thigh, "exhausting", you sighed, "and the next few are going to be even worse. I probably won't be home for dinner tomorrow anyway".

Charles felt uneasy, squirming around in his seat. You had been working a lot, your family also needed you on their side since your grandparents needed more assistance these days, so you and Charles haven't been able to spend that much time together. And wether it was the fact that you're used to being around eachother or the fact that the season was not going as expected, Charles felt like he hadn't spent enough time with the person he considered his safe and happy place.

"You have been very busy, I feel like I've hardly spent time with you", Charles noted, and maybe it was a seemingly honest comment that wasn't intended to be taken as harmful as you did.

"I know I've not been home, Charles, you think I don't feel that too? I know we haven't spent much time together just the two of us, but it's not been easy! Everyone needs me here, there and everywhere at the same time, and I also need time for me!", you let out.

Unexpectedly, your words also impacted Charles in a way you didn't think they would, "I know you've been busy, but we also need to spend time together, no? Or is our relationship not something we should invest time on? In a relationship, we both need eachother", he gulped. A weird and new feeling sat in his chest, like he was pressuring you and that he was burdening you.

"We do, but we also need to let eachother have some time, too!", you said, feeling anger, sadness, and overall tiredness from your recent days, "I'm going to bed", you mumbled, getting up and heading for your shared bedroom.

The energy you had left in your body was only enough to allow you to wash your face, noticing the dull and dark tone as you quickly rubbed some moisturiser on, grabbing your pyjamas to out them on and lay in bed, taking a painkiller for the growing headache.

When Charles finally go to the bedroom, he noticed you were already asleep on your side of the bed, carefully walking along the side so he could kiss your forehead before he too got ready for bed.

.

By the time the next morning arrived, Charles had ready left, and when you grabbed your phone, notifications from various WhatsApp groups popped up.

Mum + Dad

Can you go by grandma's house today? She was complaining of some pain and we can't remember if her meds box is sorted out or not.

Ferrari GP Weekend

Okay, just to make sure I'm not leaving anyone out: Y/N, you're not coming this weekend, right?

Since your family had been needing you to spend more time with them and at home, you had already said that you weren't sure you'd be joining them for that Grand Prix, and last night's fight settled the subject.

Texting both of the groups, you got up and got ready for the day, already knowing it was going to be a tough one.

You and Charles didn't fight a lot, at least not like this. Usually, you always found a way to talk about things and sort them out. So even this was new territory, not having talked about the subject and finding a common ground, because the situation you both left it at the night before was not the one to have.

Throughout the day, you hopefully texted Charles saying that you'd try to be home so you could talk to eachother before he left later on the evening, and while you intended to keep it, you had to text him again

To Charles

I'm sorry, but I don't think I'll be home until nighttime. My grandma needs me and it's going to take a while.

Have a safe flight. Can you text me when you land, please? Love you ✨️

True to your word, you sat in your bedroom with the moon already shinning through the windows and showcasing perfectly Charles' bedside table with none of his rings, watch and bracelets where he usually put them when he was at the house.

.

"Why did I arrive to the paddock today only to find out that you are not joining me this weekend?", Francisca said over the phone, apparently not even bothering to wish you a good morning, even though it clearly wasn't one.

"Because I've been the busiest bee ever under the sun, and I also had a fight with Charles, and I need to sleep for three days straight to recover", you replied back, noticing the change in Pierre's girlfriend's tone.

"Oh", she added, "I'm sorry, it's just that you're always here and I haven't been able to talk to him properly yet, maybe it's a good thing I haven't yet", she admitted.

One thing you liked about her, was how honest she was with you, and you needed it right now, "do you think I should go? We left the subject hanging and it's not something light we can just solve over the phone. And besides, I've always been there for these races, and he deserves as much support as he can get", you asked, chewing on your bottom lip as you waited for her answer.

"I have no idea why you fought, nor do I want to know unless you feel comfortable in telling me, but I do know that you're made for eachother, so if your heart tells you to come to the race, you should", she advised and you could hear the smile on her voice, "besides, I love your company, so it's a win win".

.

From all the times you had previously travelled with Charles, you had become acquainted and a pro a listing what you needed for the race weekends, so packing was easy and quick: two changes of clothes for both colder and warmer weather, basic toiletries bag in a backpack with entertainment and snacks for the flight.

The early hours allowed you to get to the airport without any traffic and make it to the gate with enough time to spare so you could grab a coffee to go.

Francisca knew you were coming, and after having a conversation with your family, you explained to them how the whole situation was putting pressure not only on you but also on your relationship with Charles. As you expected, they were not aware of how the situation was on your side and sat down with you so you could find a better arrangement.

Arriving at the airport of destination, you quickly found the transport line that would be taking you to the closest stop near the paddock, gradually seeing fans get inside as the stops approached the track site.

You followed them in, wanting to go as unnoticed as possible as you walked along them.

"I just saw on Instagram that Charles had left his hotel a while ago, so he should be here any minute now", a young woman around your age commented with her friends, stopping by the benches you were sitting in. Turns out you were waiting for the same person after all.

"Is it okay if we sit here?", one of them asked kindly, "Oh, you're Y/N", one of the girls said.

Nodding, you pushed your backpack to rest near your legs, "of course you can sit", you smiled, still not used to the fact that fans often recognised your face.

"Thanks!", she scurried nervously, urging her friends to sit, seeing their surprised faces as they looked at you, "Also, I'm sorry, I'm sure this is weird for you, that I know your name and you don't know mine, I- we didn't expect to find you here", she apoligised, finally sitting down.

"It's okay, unless you're going to turn out to be come crazy stalker fan, I think we will be fine", you smiled, hoping they would catch the joke and relax a little.

"No no no!", they all said, smiling when you smiled back, "but, may I ask what you're doing here? I mean, don't you have an all access pass?", one of them wondered as she sat next to you.

"I'm surprising Charles, actually", you added, feeling like saying anything else would not only be violating yours and Charles' privacy, but also allowing the creation of rumours you wouldn't want, "I wasn't originally coming to see him race, but some things cleared up on my calendar so I thought I'd surprise him", you finished, seeing them smile, "do you come to watch races regularly?", you asked, changing the subject hopefully subtly enough that they wouldn't notice too much.

Conversation was flowing easily, really, they seemed like really nice girls and it never felt invasive, so the time you had to wait went by quickly, hearing people call your boyfriend's name.

You could notice his presence anywhere, that was a given. Wether it was his well trained torso that made spotting him even from his back, or his handsome face, it wasn't hard yo miss him even surrounded by fans who were wearing the same t-shirt as him.

"Let me stand around you so he won't notice me", you said, "with how enamoured he is of you, I'm sure it won't be long", one of the girls, named Lyla, you learned, spoke, wanting to see the scene unfold as he approached you.

"Hi!", Charles greeted, posing for the pictures while he signed the caps they had, not noticing your hand holding one of his own caps was in the mix.

"Charles! Can you sign this, please?", you asked, hoping you were loud enough, "I was not coming to see you race today, but I'm very happy I did", you almost yelled, thanking the fact that the other girls had helped you by keeping quiet until he realised you were there.

It was enough for Charles to recognise the voice. After all, he had been longing to hear it for the past couple of days.

"Y/N, you're here!", he called, handing Lyla the permanent marker before he hugged you, "I missed you so much, I'm sorry", he whispered on your ear before pulling back a little so he could look you in the eye, "you don't have a pass, do you?", he wondered, seeing you shake your head, "I'll see what I can do, but you're coming with me", he smiled, holding your hand in his and bidding goodbye to the group of girls after you all took a group picture.

The rush until you arrived in his driver's room didn't allow you to talk until you sat on the sofa after greeting everyone and thanking one of the team members for getting you a pass on such short notice.

"Do you think we can talk about it? I don't want to ruin the race by distracting you from it, but I don't think we should be here and not discuss it either", you brought the subject, looking up to see Charles push a chair and sit in front of you, "I want to apologise first", you said, "I never should have said what I said, especially the way I said it, I'm sorry", you apologised, "I never intended it in a way that would hurt you".

Charles grabbed your hands, lacing them in his and looking into your eyes, "I'm sorry, too. I think we should talk about it, too. I want this to be solved, I want us to be well", he admitted.

"My grandparents have been needing a bit more help, and my parents counted on me for it. And I feel like I haven't spent that much time with you, and I'm so sorry for it, but sometimes it just got too much. And I didn't want to burden you, you have your own things to worry about and this would be another thing. They're better now and this was probably a bad phase, but still", you explained.

Charles chuckled before he saw the confusion on your face, "no, I'm joking about this, amour. I'm glad they're better", he reasoned, "but I thought I was being a burden because I felt like I was clingy, like I needed you more than usual and that you had had enough. I didn't want to put more on your plate", he sighed.

Smiling at him, you moved your hand to caress his cheek, "you could never be too much, Charles. Sometimes I just need to deal with things on my own for a bit, even if there is help from someone else", you blushed.

"I know you need me to give you the space you need, that's why I didn't want to push you to talk about things, because as much as I want to craddle you in my arms forever and shield you away from the world's evil, I know you like to do things on your own, at least at first", he noted, earning your silent agreement, "but I'm here for you, always. I'm glad we worked that out", he smiled, pulling your face to his and kissing you deeply, only stopping when someone knocked on the door.

"I heard my favourite girl is back in the paddock, so I suggest you come out because I'm not feeling like I want to see whatever is going on there", your recognised Francisca's voice, getting up and opening the door to see Pierre by her side, "I told her she shouldn't interrupt you two, but she was very excited to know how the surprise went", he smiled.

"A very good surprise indeed, the best one ever", Charles said, pulling you in for one last kiss before he ventured out to the garage, a new feeling of confidence knowing you were there to watch him race.

[laughhardrunfastbekindsblog]

The Jar

Summer of Bad Batch | Week 5 | Prompts: "You're a bad liar" and "Need a hand?"

Summary: After being rescued from Skako Minor and joining Clone Force 99, Echo is still getting used to his modifications.

POV: Echo

Rating: PG

(Word Count: 784)

Read on Ao3

Echo stared at the vacuum-sealed jar of rations with narrowed eyes.

I WILL figure out a way to open you myself, he silently vowed to the small metal container sitting innocuously before him.

Usually the squad had boxes of rations - those were easy to open with one hand - but they had learned the hard way on this assignment that some of the wildlife here on Yrzac were also capable of breaking into the ration boxes, and therefore the sealed jars of food were necessary.

Echo hadn't wanted to admit he didn't know how he'd be able to manage opening the container, just like he'd refused to admit he was still having difficulty negotiating the rocky terrain and climbing with his prosthetic legs, just like he hadn't said a word about the fact the cybernetic implants that had been bored through his skull into his brain were still giving him excruciating headaches despite the med droids' assurances that the pain would dissipate eventually. He'd only been with Clone Force 99 for two weeks. He was NOT going to be a burden, be dead weight, ask for help with simple tasks like getting his own food. He would admit to nothing.

So he had taken the rations jar Wrecker had handed him in the morning, then had claimed he wasn't hungry and he'd eat later. And when Tech had taken watch as the others settled to sleep in the stone ruins where they'd set up camp for the night, Echo had snuck around the corner of one of the crumbling walls and stared at the sealed container, considering his dilemma.

He had tried bracing the jar between his knees to break the seal and unscrew the lid, but the metal jar against metal prosthetics proved too slippery. Same with wedging the jar under his right arm. Using his teeth would do nothing. For a wild moment, he considered throwing the jar against the ground - to release his frustration as much as to see if denting the jar would help - but no, that would be too loud...

"Need a hand?" a soft low voice sounded over his head.

Echo didn't jump, but he had to confess he was slightly startled as he turned to look up at Hunter.

"What?" he stammered. "What, no, I'm fine, I..."

Hunter crossed his arms and blinked at him, the light of the moons falling full on his face and clearly showing he was unimpressed by Echo's protests. "No, you're NOT fine; but if you say it again, I might actually leave you here to struggle with that kriffing impossible jar."

Echo sighed in defeat. "I want to be able to do it myself."

"And you will, just not tonight," Hunter said, holding his hand out for the container. Echo handed it over and Hunter, gripping it tightly in both hands and straining to open it, added, "You've had to adjust to a lot in the past few days, Echo. And you're doing great - better, I think, than anyone else would be able to do. It might take some time to figure out how to do things like open a jar with one hand, but you'll get there. You're an ARC trooper, after all." The lid unsealed with a quiet schhh-lok and Hunter finished unscrewing it before handing the open jar back to Echo. "In the meantime, maybe let your brothers help you every once in a while?"

"Thanks," Echo murmured as he took the jar, hesitating slightly before adding, "And, you know, not just for this," indicating the rations.

Hunter nodded, turning away and taking a few steps back to the campsite before stopping and looking back over his shoulder.

"Oh, and maybe let Tech take a look at your prosthetics? You looked like a newborn shaak trying to find its feet when we were running up that rocky hill today. Tech wouldn't stop going on and on with me about calibration and leverage and friction coefficients or... something, and I'm pretty sure he was referring to your legs."

Smiling ruefully, Echo nodded - of course the squad had noticed his difficulty, he had been foolish to try to hide it from them; but he appreciated that they hadn't mentioned anything to him at the time, for that would have been mortifying. "Yes, sir," he replied; and with this promise, Hunter left him to eat in peace.

He hadn't realized just how hungry he was until he took his first bite of biscuit... He had never been a big eater, but now he finished his day's rations in record time and leaned back against the wall with a contented sigh.

And with his hunger satiated, he suddenly noticed his headache wasn't quite so bad.

@summer-of-bad-batch

[ron456]

ADHD/ Neurodiversity rant, Ig?? (TLDR at the end)

I feel like I've definitely went through some character development over the years but especially when I learned more about my ADHD.

They don't really give you that much info when you get diagnosed, I feel (I got diagnosed pretty young at like 7-8 and started taking meds when I was about 9 years old, I think).

And I started learning more about it in, like, middle school and it was wild to figure out that I wasn't alone in these experiences I was having like RSD (AND THE RSD CHEST PAIN- I WAS LIKE "OTHER PEOPLE WITH ADHD FEEL THIS TOO?!?"), Sensory issues (I get pissed if I get overstimulated and it was a relief to find out that other people feel like that too), skipping lines when I read and getting headaches while reading even though I wasn't dyslexic (Convergence insufficiency), being uncoordinated (my handwriting always going upwards instead of in a straight line, having trouble with using keys, or getting food all over myself when I ate) , problems with emotional regulation, etc.

Shout out to people on tiktok/youtube who have info on ADHD like: Connor DeWolfe, Ethan Nestor & Markiplier (not really their main content but they both do have it and occasionally talk about it. Ethan has the hyperactive type and Mark has the inattentive type), Olivia Lutfallah (her ADHD simulators are SO ACCURATE- And she has AuDHD so she has some stuff about autism too, I believe)

I remember I felt sorta daunted at first to realize I was way different than my peers than I first thought

and I had that sorta grieving process that people get when they get diagnosed later in life even though I had already been diagnosed

Like, "Damn. If only my past-self had known that. Maybe I could've shielded her from getting hurt."

But also, knowing more helped me move forward with more of a plan, I guess

Can't accommodate to yourself if you don't know what to accommodate to, right?

Anyways, I'm saying this because I think it's so important that people be taught more about Neurodiversities

Kids, parents, teachers, etc. should all be more informed because it saves a lot of confusion and pain for people in the long-run

Cuz a kid won't know that they have a different brain because that's all they've ever known. Sorta reminds me of the quote:

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”

But yeah, if it hadn't been for my second grade teacher who noticed that I was coming home with classwork and who didn't think I was just being lazy, I don't know if I would be here, today, to be honest.

All it takes is one person to notice the signs of neurodiversity and speak up to change someone's life for the better

which is why I always try to educate my friends on this kinds of things so that they can be more helpful and understand of people with neurodiversites and of themselves if they realize they have a neurodiversity

Also, I write about this because I used to find characters like Mable Pines and Steven Universe annoying until I realized they exhibited ADHD symptoms and there was probablyyy some internalized ableism in my mind as a kid. I was able to watch the shows with these characters in them as a teenager and realize how much they characters were like me! And I loved them for it! It's really cool to see how much my knowledge and acceptance for my ADHD has grown as I've grown!

Anywayssss, that is all. I'm on my meds rn and I had some motivation so decided to talk about this hehe. I gotta get ready for some babysitting rn lmao.

TLDR; People should be educated more on the signs of Neurodiversities so that people can get the help they need sooner instead of thinking they are "Wrong", "stupid", or "broken". I bolded some cool resources for more ADHD (and some other Neurodiversity) info and a cool quote :)

[leggyre]

hii venting time

idk it's been like what? 3? 4 years? Of me being ill with things I don't even know anymore. Just slowing down until I reached this point where I'm stagnant and I can barely invest in the things I want to do in my life. As of late I noticed I struggle to get up early, not because I'm lazy, not because I went to sleep late, but because I have no motivation to get up in the morning. Like what am I even gonna do when I'm up? I used to have a simple routine. Get up, eat smth, take my meds, grab a cup of coffee and sit down by my computer to draw. It went on for the whole day, interrupted by snack breaks, "got lost in YouTube trying to find good background noise" breaks, "friends are having a really fun conversation so obviously I chime in" breaks... That kinda stuff

Nowadays I just remain in bed until my body decides it's been enough so I have a massive headache and can't breathe and my heart is palpitating and my muscles feel weak and it just sucks. Then I go up to the computer and... do pet site stuff, I guess. I haven't been able to draw very often still, and when I have the inspiration and motivation for it there's definitely some physical feeling causing me discomfort like dizziness, neck pain, jaw pain, fucked up headaches, sudden anxiety, breathlessness, the list just keeps on growing

I feel like I've been throwing all these years in the trash because I can't do anything about it. I can't do the stuff I like as much as I'd like to. And at this point I'm questioning what am I even doing still here. It hurts so much to be unable to create my craft, the stuff I do with so much love. Every doodle nowadays, every little thing I've been posting had been an attempt at sparking that fire again. Sometimes it works, but it never lasts and on the next day I'm struggling again. It's demoralizing.

[mariska]

sad progressive disability ramble under the read more sorry for using this blog as a public health diary again it's just been. A Lot. and i don't currently have the body strength to physically write in my journal with a pen/pencil

been like three days in a row now i think where i have been forcibly woken up because my left leg, specifically my calf and thighs and toes but mostly calf, went into a sudden severe So Painful That You Can't Even Scream About It And Just Kind Of Sob And Groan Involuntarily dystonia attack while i was still asleep and then it just continues lingering as really bad super tight muscle pain for the rest of the day even with the help of multiple prescription meds i have that very slightly help prevent another full-on dystonia attack. im so tired. its been like this for a very large portion of my life but it used to happen like once or twice a year before this year and now i'm getting lucky if it doesn't happen more than once a week. on top of the reproductive organ system pain that has gotten so bad this whole year too that i essentially no longer have any days in a month where i am not experiencing Extreme debilitating pain and cramps and am pretty much just On My Period in some part of the whole cycle thing 24/7.

i am like. im just. im too tired dude. i really think i've reached a point so far beyond any kind of pain threshold limit of what i can deal/live with at this point it's absolutely terrifying. i'm trying so so so hard to "take it one day at a time" but i can't even take it one hour at a time or 5 minutes at a time it feels like my body is legitimately completely failing on me. i wish i could remember what it felt like being somewhat less physically disabled when i was a kid thru my tweens and very early teens. that feels like a completely different person and life separated from my present day self now. i used to wake up without a nausea inducing headache sometimes. i can't even imagine what that must have been like.

genuinely sorry to be making bummer posts on here about my health decline, tried to tell myself yrs ago that i should probably not do that cause i truly do not want to make anyone else feel miserable reading my life updates that are very much not positive and filled with health related fear. it's just like. god, ok, im sorry again in advance i don't mean for this to sound at all defeatist or completely pessimistic, but in a purely logical This Is Just What Every Day Of Life Has Been For Me way i feel like i'm running out of time. in general. in life. very specifically because of how fast everything has declined with my health this whole year and the past few months specifically. i keep going to sleep whenever im able to in the middle of the night feeling absolutely terrified that my body will just suddenly fail on me totally while i'm sleeping and i'll just die. i cannot stress enough how much I Do Not Want That To Happen To Me At The Age Of 27 but like. wtf am i supposed to do. about all of this. im already doing the max of whatever i can, i have dr's appointments scheduled as scared as i am about actually going to them for multiple reasons, i have medications prescribed to me that do help a bit with my more muscle and connective tissue related pain problems, im trying so hard to keep it together (mostly for my moms honestly because they love me and care about me way more than i love or care about myself but thats just The Severe Clinical Depression speaking or whatever) but it doesn't matter because my body refuses to try with me anyways. i am. so. tired. i don't think any amount of rest or naps or sleep will ever improve how tired i feel all the time ever again truly. i think its just This Tired And Exhausted And Burned Out Forever Now. i am. indescribably sad.

[heartshattering]

I feel like I've messed my health up and there's no going back.

Yes, I took NSAIDs to deal with chronic headaches and migraines, TMJ pain, endometriosis cramps, and back pain, because 1 - a previous doctor who didn't want to give me anything else for the pain told me it was fine, 2 - I stopped being able to go to physical therapy, and 3 - I was balancing trying to graduate while being the caregiver of my terminally ill grandma in her last stages of life and didn't have time to practice other pain relief techniques.

Yes, I eat basically every food on those "Top Worst Foods for Digestive Issues" lists, because I don't have time to make a special meal every time I'm hungry while I'm taking care of my mom. Yeah, eating greasy chips and double stuffed Oreos and chocolate and other things I don't have to cook isn't good for me and I know I have trigger foods and should be following one of those low FODMAP diets and spend time meal-planning or whatever but I feel like I can't get my life in order. I struggle so hard to stay on top of other things, I don't want to obsess over every single thing I eat and have to cook 3 special meals a day for myself every day.

Yes, I overdo it with caffeine. It's a shitty dependency I've had for a long time which led me to having to see a pediatric cardiologist and get prescribed heart meds since before I was even in high school. I've been hospitalized for heart arrhythmias in my 20s and I still take too much caffeine because I'm always tired, sick, can't focus, and the doctor told me I couldn't take stimulant medication for ADHD because of my history of heart issues. Add on top of that the fact I have two parents from the "We don't believe in ADHD, young people just need to focus better" generation. So I fuck myself up with massive amounts of caffeine instead because that totally makes sense. And (surprise surprise) caffeine is another thing you aren't supposed to take when you have IBS (and almost every other health issue I have). But I do it anyway.

Going on sleep meds wasn't ideal. I have stopped other ones before and I'm weaning off my current one. But doctors still blame me for having taken them in the first place, don't see how much effort I put into gradually trying to sleep more naturally again, and just assume the worst from me and say I'm doing reckless shit like drinking alcohol while on sleep meds or driving after taking them (I don't do either of those things, on or off meds, but especially not on them). As soon as doctors find out about my home life and things like my mom being paralyzed and the fact I lost four of my family members in one year, they automatically think I'm abusing the sleep meds and lecture me on stuff like "Doing that isn't going to fix your grief/depression :/" and don't understand how difficult sleeping while dealing with severe OCD phobias and compulsions that get worse at nighttime is.

I stay up late because I can hardly get any work done during the daytime. I can only follow a sleep routine for so long until I run into a night where I have to catch up with my work because my aunt randomly stayed for a week, or my mom had an emergency, or whatever else. Same used to happen when I was a student taking care of my grandma, too. I suck at managing my time and I'm constantly overwhelmed, I feel like at any second I'm going to mess everything up and disappoint everyone.

I know I haven't been great to myself and that I have all sorts of habits that haven't been ideal but it's just been so hard to get help. I was made to leave the local psychiatric center because my problems were considered "too severe" for them to handle. It feels like no one wants to deal with me and that they just see me as a lost cause even though I'm trying. Really, I am trying. It's just so hard and I feel like too much of a mess all the time.

[barclaysangel]

Sad headcanon time (I am actually writing this out In more detail on Wattpad, so I'll send It to you In an ask when I'm done, lol)

Something that takes a long, long, 𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨 time for Jules to ever confess to the group (up until a few months after they meet Grant and those two start dating, actually) Is that, before he met them and right after he killed his Mom, he became an addict similar to how Lexy did. He started smoking weed regularly and taking pills frequently because he had a lot of nightmares about what he did almost every other night for the first two weeks after he did It. Hell, he'd even have hallucinations of his Mom due to the trauma and his lack of sleep

Mind you, he was sent to Incarnate Lord almost Immediately after he killed her and had snuck In his own pills that were his Mom's (again, like how Lexy did). But a few weeks Into him staying there, Father Bryce caught him taking a few of his pills to get high and pretty much reprimanded him and gave him one of those types of punishments he gave Devon, but more extreme. That only made matters worse and he just found new and unique ways to be able to get high (I.E. hurting himself to get pain meds and such). He even went so far as to use Nadine to get him some by having her fake a headache, which he still, to this day, feels extremely guilty for

After that little stunt, Nadine had officially caught onto Jules’ addiction. She had already had her own little theories about It considering her Mom was one and she could see all of the signs, but she didn't want to be rude and assume anything or butt Into Jules’ personal life despite having a lot of concerns for his physical and mental health. However, she did slowly but surely help him get clean and even helped him through his withdrawals. He did have a few relapses here and there, but Nadine was always there to help him push through It

Once the rest of the Terror Party (minus Grant & Junior) first arrive at the school, Lexy can definitely tell that Jules was a recovering addict considering that she was one herself at that moment, but she doesn't exactly ask him about It considering she herself hates It when Jake, Devon, Lydia, and Coraline all bug her about her own Issues. But once Jules finally talks to them about It In the distant future, Lexy tells him that she knew because alongside her own struggles, she could tell what was going on with him just from all of the vibes he gave off during their first meeting

Eventually, long after Junior returns, Andy adopts everyone, Grant comes Into the group, AND him and Jules start dating, Jules finally feels comfortable enough to tell them about his past addiction and even admits that he struggles with having urges to relapse sometimes when his mental health gets really bad. The party tells him that, If he ever feels that way, then he can definitely comes to them and talk about anything he needs to get off of his mind and that they're always there for him

Later on when they're alone, Grant even thanks him for being able to trust him enough with that Information and tells him that he's proud of him for finally working up the courage to tell him something he knew would be extremely difficult to confess. Grant also emphasizes that Jules can go to him and/or the rest of the group anytime he has the urge to relapse because none of them ever want him to feel like he can't come to them for anything

Overall, this turned from a sad headcanon to a semi wholesome one towards the end :)

This was so bittersweet but I love it omg yes :)

[frogofalltime]

day 9

as you probably know i stayed up until 5am last night because of the Hospital Situation (don't worry @etherealspacejelly is at home and doing alright now !!) so i didn't set an alarm for the morning as i knew i needed to sleep

i woke up at 11am, took my meds with some water, and then went back to sleep for another two hours

then i woke up again and just lay in bed on my phone for two hours. and when i finally got up, i just sat / lay down in various places in my room and did nothing at all until 6:30pm when i eventually gathered enough spoons to cook. i was going to study because i have an exam next week, but i really couldn't make myself do it, and i knew i needed to eat before i did anything else, but it took me so many hours to be able to do that.

i felt nauseous and sick, probably because i didn't eat all day. when i am unwell mentally, i find it impossible to eat, and also being hungry makes me have an even worse time because i don't have any energy, so it is a negative feedback loop

finally i heard my flatmate leave the kitchen so i went to cook some food. i don't like going to the kitchen when other people are in there. i live with three girls, none of whom i am out to. one of them is barely ever here but the other two are often in the kitchen. the muslim one talks to me every time she sees me even when i am overwhelmed and can't talk, and she's assuming i'm a girl so she says things like "i am glad we have an all girls flat so i don't have to wear hijab in the kitchen" that make me feel really uncomfortable and guilty. and the other one is always talking on the phone loudly and cooking strong-smelling food. so it is very overstimulating to be around them, hence why i usually avoid going to the kitchen until it is empty.

also i haven't been feeling as hungry as usual in general. the first few days on my meds i was hungrier than normal but now i just don't feel like eating at all.

i made vegetable curry and rice, enough to last me 4 days. it wasn't spicy at all, because i used a different spice mix instead of the one i brought from home, and i guess it is catered towards people who can't handle chilli. it still tastes nice though

i ate while watching an episode of the percy jackson series (the one with the lotus casino) and it was interesting to me how they changed the plot from the book. it made me feel a little better because percy jackson has been an obsession of mine for more than half my life.

then i curled up on my bed and scrolled on my phone for many hours. suddenly it was 11pm so i washed my dishes, put the three extra portions of curry and rice into bowls and put them in the fridge, and got ready for bed. that didn't take long because i did not change my clothes from my pyjamas today so i just had to wash my face and brush my teeth.

i have had a really bad headache all day and my eyes hurt a lot but it's probably from crying so hard last night and looking at my phone screen too much and not eating or drinking enough today

the pain in my left side isn't as bad as yesterday because i did not move much all day. it doesn't hurt constantly anymore, it just hurts when i move or cough (i am still coughing a lot from the cold i caught 5 weeks ago, its really annoying)

i also feel kind of feverish, maybe it's from lack of sleep, maybe it's from eating only one meal today, or dehydration, maybe it's a side effect from the meds, who knows.

overall a really bad day. the eating disorder that i have struggled with for 10 years has been flaring up recently and i'm feeling more depressed even though i'm still on antidepressants. tomorrow i will try to get up earlier and change my clothes and go outside and study and maybe i will be okay. even if it hurts my ribs to walk i would rather that than another day trapped in my room with my brain.

i hope it gets easier.

[ash-alder]

i am tired.

i have chronic migraines. they suck a lot. they were really, really, really bad for a long time, and then with the help of a great neurologist, i got them mostly under control for a while. but in the past few months they've been back, and terrible, and lasting, and i'd forgotten how much they mess up my life.

i struggle to think of myself as disabled, despite it being a factually correct statement about myself. especially when things are going well, it's easy to think that oh, well, i'm remembering wrong, and being dramatic. and anyway, they're just headaches, how much could they get in my way?

but right now i'm so tired. there are things i want to be doing. there are things i /am/ doing i want to be /enjoying/. and i just can't. even stuff i love and am excited about, i'm just pushing through, doing what has to be done, trying not to let anything fall down, and otherwise existing as little as possible. i hate it.

i forget, too, that there are mood effects. both from the migraines themselves, and from just being tired and in pain. plus, my mental state goes to shit when i'm not actually eating regularly, and i've been having the kind of headache that makes eating seem just awful, not to mention a lot of my generally safe food have one or more things that either trigger or exacerbate the migraines.

so mood shit is hitting hard today.

i know that they will end up controlled again. but i had a 2 week one, broke it with steroids from the doctor, got my quarterly botox, and promptly started having another one, which is the time when they should be /least/ likely, and so today i am feeling really defeated.

it's hard, b/c i've already gone through the standard first, second, and third line meds, with little effect, so there aren't a ton of options /left/ if my current regimen stops working. my neurologist says migraine control is just like this-- sometimes something stops working, so you have to cycle on to something else, or go back to something that worked before.

but right now, i take three otc supplements and three rx meds daily, plus the quarterly botox shots, plus i split my t dose into two injections a week to keep my hormone levels more stable so those changes don't trigger one, which isn't even counting the rescue and abortive meds i have.

and they still happen.

it IS better. i used to have a cycle of three weeks on, one week off headaches. that lasted for months, over a year, i think. i was just about to try to get on long-term disability when we found something that worked. i don't want to go back to that.

anyway, there's no real reason i'm writing this out, much less writing it on Tumblr. i just. i put a lot of work into being a positive person, and bringing as much joy and kindness to the world as i can. and it's really hard for me when even just... just normal conversation feels impossible because i can't think or focus, and am so tired, and hurt.

i guess what i'm saying is that i am sorry that right now i can't be the member of community that i want to be, and that i'm not able to keep up with things in the way i want to, and i'm sorry for that too.

[tittyinfinity]

Thank you so much! So I also deal with high levels of pain due to a few health issues myself. I've been really nervous about asking for pain medication because of someone who has an issue with it in my family. I've been told that I could *end up like her.*

I guess my question is.... what to the pills feel like? Is there some kind of "high" that makes them addictive? And if so, how do you avoid the urge to take more? I'm sorry if that comes off as insensitive, I just want to know as much as I can before mentioning this to my doctor & family.

It's not insensitive at all! I think those are questions more people should ask, actually!

So I haven't felt the "high" from them since I first started being prescribed them as a teenager. My tolerance has gone up too much for that (which makes it very annoying when people accuse me of taking them for the "high"). It's different for everyone, but for me, it was a warm, fuzzy feeling that makes you happy and love things a lot more. It also made me very very horny 😬

For some people, I've heard that it can make you really tired and loopy. Though I've never personally seen anyone "fucked up" on pain meds.

The reason I was able to keep myself from being addicted to "the high" is because I can't take that many without throwing up lol. That's literally it. I've tried to take more for a "better high" and it just makes you miserable. Gives you a headache and makes you vomit. And it makes you VERY pissy. Even whenever I switched over to oxycodone that didn't have the acetaminophen in it, taking more than a couple would make me miserable.

As far as how it affects me now, it gets rid of the pain and makes my body feel more relaxed instead of tensed up as hell. The only other affects it gives me other than pain relief is focus & energy. It helps with my ADHD in general. I can get past my executive dysfunction more easily, organize my thoughts, and remember to do things I had been putting off. It did used to be part of the "high" back in the day – I focused so hard I shot up to a 4.5 GPA that year. But it doesn't affect me as hard anymore. Just general focus, now.

My body seems to react differently to all drugs, though. So my experience won't be the same as everyone else's.

I'm actually not entirely sure how people end up abusing the pills. I can see WHY, but I don't know how you'd be able to do it without making yourself sick. Again, drugs affect me differently, so I assume it's something I don't feel enough to understand. I know what cravings feel like when it comes to addiction – I used to be an alcoholic and the cravings were STRONG. I also have a nicotine addiction. But I don't get that same craving feeling for my meds, like I need to take them or I'm going to lose my shit. Even whenever I used to feel that "high" from them, I wasn't an anxious mess dying from pill cravings like I was with alcohol. When my meds run out, I'm just like, ah damn, that sucks. I'm not out searching for a pill dealer or anything.

Not gonna lie, I don't really trust when someone says someone else has a "problem" with taking too much pain medication because I've been told I have "a problem" for not being able to push through my level 6-10 pain on a daily basis. I'm told I have a "problem" because I can't make a 2 week prescription last a month. If you don't mind me asking, what does your family constitute as a "problem" for your family member that's taking the medication?

[enderpearlgirl1005]

Celestial Symbiosis

Chapter 2 Symbiosis

(The Next day)

Anna was examined again by the doctor so they could make extra sure she was alright. Once again nothing unusual was found so Anna was just given some pain meds in case she had an unexpected headache. Anna thanked the nurses and doctors for the help and headed back to boarding school.

"Well that day was pretty interesting, but at least I wasn't seriously injured by that meteorite." Anna said to herself as she walked to school.

As Anna was walking a figure started walking up behind her which turned into a run. The figure then tried to Karate chop Anna on the shoulder but her arm stopped it before it made contact with her. Anna froze when she felt herself catching someone, so she turned around and saw it was her Karate club captain.

"Oh my god! Sebastian! I didn't know you were there?!" Anna screamed in surprise when she saw Sebastian.

"Oh don't play that with me, you knew I was gonna surprise attack you! I just wanted to see if you still got your skills after missing training for two weeks." Sebastian explained.

"Um I really didn't know you were there, my arm kinda just seemingly moved on its own." Anna explained.

"HA! Yeah it did, anyway how are you doing? The accident with the meteorite was all over the news and I heard you were injured in the accident." Sebastian explained.

"Oh I'm fine, aside from hitting my head on a rock I'm good... I think my body has kinda been feeling a little numb but I'm mostly good." Anna explained.

"That's good to hear, I do hope you're still able to fight when we have a meeting tomorrow!" Sebastian explained as he wrapped his arm around Anna's neck and noggied her.

"Ah! HAaha! I hope the others won't give me a hard time for missing out!" Anna laughed at her friend's actions.

Sebastian then let go of Anna and the two soon got to the school right before the bell rang. After entering the building Sebastian headed off to his first class of the day. Anna smiled and made her way to her first class of the day.

"Hey Anna! You're back and alright!" Anna heard Vincent call out.

She turned around and saw him walking up to her, she smiled when she saw him.

"Hey Vince yeah I am, sorry about being gone for so long, I kinda got into a little bit of an accident." Anna explained.

"Yeah I heard, also It's not your fault, after all you didn't plan on almost getting hit by a meteor." Vincent explained.

"No I didn't, but I'm glad I'm doing better and I'm back for school. Did anything interesting happen while I was gone?" Anna asked.

"Not really, aside from that Meteor that was about all the excitement, well unless you count you having to do extra work to catch up with everyone from while you were gone." Vincent stated.

'Oh yeah that's gonna suck, but it has to be done.' Anna thought to herself.

"Um Anna, why are you touching my face?" Vincent asked.

Anna looked and to her shock she was indeed touching Vincent's face. Her eyes widened and Anna pulled away embarrassed by her actions.

"Oh my god! Vince I'm so sorry! I don't know why I was doing that!" Anna exclaimed, embarrassed by her unknowing action.

"It's cool but let's get to class before the teacher writes us up." Vincent explained.

"Oh yeah lets go! I don't want to miss any more than I already have!" Anna exclaimed.

The two then ran to their class, thankfully they soon arrived on time for roll call. When they came into the classroom the teacher smiled when she saw them and had them take their seats. After roll call was done the teacher started the lesson (which was biology).

As the class went on Anna started to suddenly feel sleepy and almost fell asleep till someone tapped her.

"Hey Anna! If you fall asleep Miss, C won't be happy." A classmate whispered to Anna.

"Oh my bad! Thanks!" Anna thanked the classmate who prevented her from getting in trouble.

'Man why do I feel so sleepy? Is it the medicine I was on? Na that can't be it, or maybe it is.' Anna thought to herself.

"It's not the medicine, it's the chemical I'm emitting to prevent you from feeling pain while I recognize your internal structure." Anna heard a male voice whisper.

She shot up and looked around for any sign of the voice, however she couldn't find it.

'What in the world was that?!' Anna asked herself.

"Hey Anna!" Anna heard a voice say.

She looked up and was shocked to see Miss C standing next to her desk.

"Oh um hey Miss C." Anna said.

Miss C just smiled and said "Anna I know you haven't been here in a while but you know your phone is not allowed to be out during class." Miss C then pulled Anna's phone out from under the desk.

Anna saw that on her phone there was an image of a mannequin that showed the internal structure of the human body.

"Oh I'm so sorry! I thought it was off!" Anna exclaimed, surprised by her phone being on.

"I don't want to hear it, just keep it off, I want it to be on your desk in my view so I can make sure that you won't use it again. However, if I catch you using it again It'll be confiscated till the end of class." Miss C explained.

"A-Alright! Again so sorry!" Anna exclaimed embarrassed as she turned her phone off and put it on her desk.

Miss C smiled and went back up to the black board to continue on with the class. The day passed like nothing, and now Anna was in the cafeteria getting some lunch.

"Hey Anna, how are you feeling?" Anna heard a girl ask.

She turned around and saw one of her friends coming up to her.

"Hey Shelly, I'm doing alright, I'm feeling pretty tired but aside from that I'm good." Anna said.

"That's good I was pretty worried about you when I heard about what happened." Shelly explained.

"Well I didn't die so I'm good, and thanks for worrying about me." Anna said.

"Hey, no need to thank me! We're friends after all I'm meant to worry about you!" Shelly explained.

Anna smiled and grabbed a tray and started grabbing some food, she felt pretty hungry so she got a good amount of food. After getting enough food and a box of milk Anna took a seat at her usual table. Once she was seated she started eating her food, as she ate Shelly and Vincent sat down at the same table.

"Hey Anna, I hope you don't mind us sitting here with you." Vincent said.

"No I don't mind at all, I normally eat alone so It's good to have company." Anna explained.

"Yeah well we thought you could use some company." Shelly explained.

Anna smiled at that and continued on eating, however as she ate she felt someone tapping her on the back. She turned around and saw another girl standing right behind her with an angry look on her face.

"Hey Anna, let's talk for a bit." The girl said.

"Um okay? I'll be right back guys." Anna said.

She then got up and followed the girl into a private area outside of the cafeteria.

"Hey Anna, don't think about doing anything with Vince." The girl stated.

"Um, what are you talking about?" Anna asked.

"You know what I'm talking about! I've had a crush on him since middle school so stay away from him! I know you like him so I'm letting you know that you need to stay away from him!" The girl aggressively stated.

"L-listen it'll be up to him on who he likes alright! I won't try and be with him if he doesn't see me that way!" Anna said, trying to pacify the girl.

However the girl only got more angry and she tried to attack Anna. Anna however stopped her attack and swiftly sweep her legs, and before she hit the ground, Anna kicked her hard. The girl flew back a bit before she hit the ground, and she looked up at Anna with fear.

She backed away before getting up and running away as she felt like Anna would kick her but if she tried to fight any more.

Anna meanwhile stood there in total shock at what just happened, as her body seemingly moved on its own. Normally she wouldn't be so aggressive if someone tried to attack her but her body seemingly acted all on its own.

"What in the world is going on with me?" Anna asked herself.

"My body has felt like it's been moving all on its own today, ugh I better get some rest after classes are done." Anna said before heading back into the cafeteria to finish her lunch.

Later on the school day ended and Anna made her way to her dorm room to rest.

"Hey Anna! I want to ask you something!" Anna heard Vincent ask.

She turned around and saw him standing not too far away from her, she wondered what Vincent had to ask.

"You know Anna, I've always admired you since you've joined this school. I noticed that you've always volunteered to help with all the charity events and you're really good at karate. You've even won a few awards in some of the matches you've been in. I must say you've really impressed me with your skills and knowledge." Vincent explained.

"Oh Um... thanks. That's very nice of you to say Vince." Anna said while blushing.

"Hehe, well I also wanted to ask, this Saturday you wanna go out for Pancakes?" Vincent asked.

"Huh? Are you asking me out on a date?" Anna asked.

"Well only if you'll accept." Vincent stated.

Anna smiled brightly and said "Then yes I'll go! I-I've always had a crush on you so It makes me incredibly happy to hear that you like me back!" Anna exclaimed happily as the boy she liked liked her back.

"Hehe I'm happy you like me too, Anna, I'll see you then, and get plenty of rest. You're gonna need it for when you make up for all the work you missed, but be grateful you didn't miss any tests." Vincent explained.

"Me too, I'll see you then Vince!" Anna called out as Vincent walked away.

Anna then walked into her dorm room and saw that her roommate was nowhere to be seen. Anna got curious as her roommate was normally back before her, however she saw that there was a note on her bed.

So she walked up to her bed and took the note of who it was from. She read the name and realized that it was from her room mate. So she opened it to see what it had written on it, and she hoped it would explain where she was.

The note read:

"Hey Anna, I hope you feel better when you're reading this. Sorry I'm not at the school, I had to go home as a relative of mine had passed away so I'm not going to be back in school for the week. I did buy you some of your favorite snacks for when you got back, I hope you like them!

XOXO Sahara."

Anna smiled after she finished reading the note, as Sahara always got her something she liked whenever she wasn't well. She felt lucky to have such an amazing roommate and friend. Anna folded the note back up and put it on her dresser, she then looked under her bed and found the snacks Sahara had bought for her.

"Hehe I knew they'd be down here, Sahara always hides them here to make sure none of her friends try to eat them when I'm out." Anna said to herself as she got out the snacks.

She put them on the bed and then got out of her home work. Once Anna got her things all organized she started doing her homework while eating.

"Ah nothing like having snacks while doing homework. Of course I have some extra work to do as I missed two weeks of school." Anna said to herself.

"Hehe sorry for making you miss so much of school." Anna heard a male voice say.

"Huh?! Who said that! Where are you?!" Anna asked, feeling scared of the sudden male voice.

"I'm down here! Ugh Move your shirt out of the way, it's making it hard for me to move!" The voice said.

Anna in a panic of what was going on shot up out of her bed and ran into the bathroom at once. She slammed her hands down on the bathroom sink and looked into the mirror. Shakely Anna grabbed the bottom of her shirt and pulled it up over her head to see what was going on. When she pulled her shirt off she froze in place by what she saw.

On her chest in between her breasts was the same neon green Blob she now remembers seeing on that day.

"Hello It's nice to finally talk to you in private I'm-AHHH!" The blob was interrupted when Anna screamed at the top of her lungs.

In panic of other humans rushing in to see what was going on The blob formed an extra limb and wrapped it around Anna's mouth to keep her quiet.

"Shh! Kid, be quiet! I can't have others seeing me and freaking out! I've never been on this planet before but from what I've seen in your memories your kind will find me scary. Not only that but from what I can understand from your knowledge as well your government will also try to experiment on us and I can't have that happening. I will let you go but promise me this, you won't scream alright?" The blob asked.

Anna just nodded her head with visible tears of fear in her eyes as she had no clue on what the hell was going on. The blob relaxed and uncovered Anna's mouth, before reemerging its tentacle with its body.

"Alright now as I was saying, my name is Zinsu and I'm a Plavacack and I merged myself with your body and internal systems after my previous symbiosis friend died in battle. I'm sorry for scaring you when we first met. It's just that I needed to switch to a new body after the previous one died as they could try to find me and this planet." Zinsu explained.

"Um Okay.. but wait what do you even mean by any of that?!" Anna asked, clearly confused.

"Well I merged with your DNA and physical structure, I also had to merge some of my own origins with your own. I've also merged some of our systems together and altered around some bits of your body." Zinsu explained.

"Wait what?! You did what!" Anna asked both surprised and unsettled by this.

"I've merged some of our systems with one another. Systems such as Digestive, respiratory, nervous, Circulatory , nervous, immune, and Muscular systems. Thankfully I don't have a reproductive system so you can still have children normally. That is because my kind are made from pods so we don't have families aside from pod siblings." Zinsu explained.

"Ugh! That is so messed up! But wait, how did the doctor never notice that and how did I never notice?" Anna asked, confused.

"Well first of all the scanners they used were unable to detect me as they were made only for your kind. As for how you didn't feel any of it, it's simply because I was putting out a chemical in your body that prevented you from feeling anything. If I hadn't then you would've been in extreme amounts of Pain as the process isn't too nice." Zinsu explained.

"Oh well thanks for that." Anna said sarcastically.

"Anytime, I also had to learn a lot about the human body as it's very different from any other species I've been merged with." Zinsu stated.

"Well what the hell are you some kind of Parasite?" Anna asked angrily.

"Pardon me! I'm not a parasite, we're in what you Humans call a symbiotic relationship." Zinsu said, obviously offended by being called a parasite.

"Oh really? Then how do we both benefit from this relationship Huh?" Anna angrily asked, clearly annoyed with what Zinsu had done without her permission.

"Well first of all you allow me to stay alive as my species are unable to live for very long without a host. Meanwhile your body is stronger, fast, and better than before. Remember how that girl tried to beat you up earlier today, I helped you defend yourself by using your new extra strength. Together we benefit each other as your body is now much stronger than it was before, and I get to live longer." Zinsu explained.

"Okay that's a fair point! But I never agreed to this! And I want you out of my body now!" Anna stated angrily.

"I'm sorry but that's not possible as I've already merged entirely with your body. If I was removed now then we both would die, I'm sorry but that's how my species works." Zinsu explained.

When Anna heard that she felt a bit of herself die on the inside, as she learned that this alien thing was now merged with her till she died. She couldn't believe any of this was happening to her, just about two weeks ago her life was normal.

Now she had some alien thing merged within her body and it had merged its own systems with her own. She didn't even want to think how their digestive systems were merged now as it felt like it could be super gross.

"Ugh! I can't believe this is happening to me! I have some freakish alien thing merge in my body that's so gross!" Anna exclaimed angrily.

"Hey don't be so upset this isn't as bad as you think it is, plus you're going to need me when "they" come. After all, when they come we'll need to work together to save your planet and the rest of the galaxy." Zinsu explained.

"Wait what! What the hell do you mean by that?!" Anna was concerned by what Zinsu had said.

"You'll find out soon, but for now I need to rest as I've been working restlessly to merge with you. I'll be back once I'm done sleeping. However I would like to do more research on earth as I am very curious to learn more about the planet and the species living on here." Zinsu explained.

"Oh no! We're not done here?! Don't you dare try and leave this conversation!" Anna exclaimed angrily.

However Zinsu didn't listen to her and merged back in her chest and disappeared from view. Once Zinsu was gone Anna stood there staring at the area on her chest where he was not too long ago.

"Mom dad can you see this? I've just become the home of a god fucking dam aline!" Anna angrily said as she processed what just happened.

She felt like things in her life were going to get very weird and crazy from here on out. While she was angry at Zinsu for what he did without her consent, she was also worried about what he meant by "Them". Whatever he meant she felt like it wasn't good as the way he said it made it sound like something bad was coming.

[advocatingwithariella]

All About Me!

Hello! and welcome to my blog! If you're new here my name is Ariella Deleon. I'm a 20 year old woman living with a rare disease called a Urea Cycle Disorder.

I was born with this condition and will most likely have it for the rest of my life. Now what IS a Urea Cycle Disorder you might be wondering? Well allow me to explain!

A Urea Cycle Disorder is a Genetic Metabolic Disease that is characterized by a deficiency of a vital enzyme responsible for removing Ammonia from the bloodstream. In a healthy body the enzyme I am missing would safely remove the toxin Ammonia without any issues. In my case however, My body isn't capable of removing Ammonia on it's own which can and has led to countless stays in the hospital. There are 8 subtypes of a Urea Cycle Disorder (UCD) and mine is one of the most common types known as OTC.

Ammonia is a byproduct of Protein. Yep! protein! Because of my disease and my inability to get rid of Ammonia this means I have to live by a very strict and LOW protein diet. On top of a strict Medical diet I also have to take Ammonia Scavengers daily. They help my body break down the little protein I do eat and help with getting rid of Ammonia I can't get rid of myself.

So how serious is this disease? It must just sound like something a diet and meds can fix right? Wrong.

In cases where Ammonia builds up in my body it turns into what we call a "Hyperammonemia episode." Ammonia effects the brain. When Ammonia levels rise too high they can cause brain damage, coma, or even death. There's never a 100% chance treatment at a hospital can get Ammonia levels back to normal. In fact, I've personally lost two of my baby brothers to this disease.

In a Hyperammonemia epsiode there's a lot happening to the body. When Ammonia levels are barely elevated I may not feel symptoms at all. However, When Ammonia levels are greatly elevated that's when things get dangerous. During a high Ammonia crisis I can become very combative and physical. I've thrown things, cussed out nurses, and tore my IV's before. I also lose my motor function, it becomes very difficult to walk and use my hands. I become very confused and disoriented (I act as if I'm super high or drunk), and I also become unable to stay awake (I will fall asleep, be awake for a few minutes, and repeat the pattern.) On top of all of that it greatly effects my memory as well. There's a lot I have no memory of from past high ammonia episodes.

All of this is mainly due to the impact Ammonia has on the brain. When this happens to me I'm not able to think or act clearly. Which is why having a caregiver is crucial for me as without one I wouldn't be able to safely get treatment during an Ammonia spike.

So how does this effect me?

Living with a UCD has been hard. I spent a majority of my childhood at home or in the hospital. Due to my weak immune system I didn't attend school. Therefore I never made any friends. I never went to sleepovers because finding people my family could trust to stick to my medicine schedule and diet needs was hard. It wasn't until I hit my mid teens that I finally started to stabilze. I went from being on 12G of protein to now being able to take 30-35G a day (more than double.) While I may be stable as far as not having any high Ammonia spikes for awhile, I still have to be very careful on a daily basis.

This disease causes me to be easily tired. I'm not able to be very active. I can't be out in weather above 80 degrees. My muscles are weak due to the lack of protein. My memory isn't very good. I get frequent headaches and stomach pains. I have to visit a Genetic specialist often. There's a lot I still have to manage on a daily basis even without being in the middle of a crisis. The thing is too with this disease, you can do EVERYTHING right and still get sick. Despite medication and proper care Ammonia can still spike when you least expect it. Which is a huge reason why I've dedicated my time and energy into creating this place for other people with a UCD + any other people with a rare or chronic condition.

Life is short, Nothing is for certain even if you're a completely healthy person. In my years of carrying anger towards myself for my disability I've learned to embrace it and love myself as I am. I'm grateful to have a body that does what it needs to to keep me safe. I'm grateful for the community that surrounds me and I love every part of it.

While my condition may not be curable at this moment in time. I plan to continue providing resources, advice, and encouragement for others here. I want to create and educate the world about this rare invisible disease and give tools to other patients that might make life easier. If you're looking for content surrounding any of these topics then I advise you stick around for awhile! Furthermore, thank you for taking the time to read this section and give my page a visit.

You can find other ways to contact me within my "Where to find me!" buttons.

Hope to see you around! - Ariella

[typical-simplelove]

10,000 Hours -> Jay Halstead

Summary: All the ways Jay shows you he loves you.

Author's Note: This is the first time I'm posting a fic that's not hockey-related. I'm honestly so scared, so please be kind with this one, and enjoy!

Word Count: 5.4k with song lyrics

Warnings: pain, hungover, alcohol, flu, broken wrists, annoying coworkers, a few curse words, pressure/anxiety attack,

Do you love the rain, does it make you dance When you're drunk with your friends at a party? What's your favorite song, does it make you smile? Do you think of me?

The sound of the alarm blared through the bedroom. The throbbing headache you had was further pronounced as you reach to turn it off. Once your hand grapes your phone, you pull it over and turn off the alarm. You chuck your phone to a deep crevice of your bedsheets and force sleep to overcome you once again. You pull the bedsheets back up and over your face as the warmth soothes your body.

It might have been two seconds, minutes, or hours; you’re not sure. One moment, your eyes are heavy with sleep, and the next moment you’re startled awake by a dip in your bed.

You’re awake now. Very awake. Your eyes go wide as the headache continued to throb throughout your head. The pain was starting to spread to the rest of your body. What could you have possibly done to be in this much pain?

Oh, wait. The memories start flooding in.

You don’t have much time to let the memories flood back as the person on your bed begins to peel the blankets from over your face. The light forces you to rapidly blink a few times as you adjust. Your eyes finally land on him—Jay Halstead.

“If you sit up, I’ll give you some coffee, water, Advil, and breakfast,” he says. Maneuvering yourself to sit against the headboard is a difficult task in your hungover state.

Once you’re comfortably sat against the headboard, you groan in pain. “How could you let me drink this much?” you whine.

“I tried,” Jay says with a chuckle, “but you didn’t listen to me.”

“Just give me the Advil,” you say sternly.

“You don’t want to eat?” he asks as he hands you the Advil and water.

You shake your head as you knock back the meds. “I can’t think of anything except not being in pain.”

“Well, you need to eat something,” Jay contradicts and extends the plate of eggs, sausage, and toast in front of you. You slide over to let Jay sit comfortably next to you. Then, you begin to eat. The first few bites were tough to swallow, but once the meds started to work, you were able to take more confident bites.

"Did I at least look like I had fun last night?" you ask once you're halfway finished with the food Jay made you.

Jay smirks. "Does that change anything?"

"I'm trying to find a reason as to why this pain could be remotely good at all."

Jay pretends to ponder the question, but by the way, he's holding in a smirk, you know you won't like the answer. "Did you have fun? Yes, I think so. Did I get footage of you embarrassing yourself? Also yes. Those two thoughts can and do exist."

You groan into your hands.

"If it makes you feel better, then only embarrassing things happened while I was driving you home and in the elevator."

"So, nothing in public then?" you confirm.

Jay shakes his head.

"At least there's that."

He snorts. "I'm not sure if you singing Journey and sticking your head out the window like a dog should be a not so bad thing, but hey, you do you."

"No way that happened."

"That's precisely what happened."

You, again, groan. "I'm not hungry anymore."

Jay takes the plate and finished your final few bites using your fork. As your best friend, Jay has seen you do many, many, many embarrassing things, and you’re the same. The only difference is that when Jay does embarrassing things, he often looks incredibly good doing so which is not fair.

Once Jay has finished the food on the plate, he gets off your bed and says, "Go shower, and then we'll figure out today's game plan."

"Game plan? I have no intentions of leaving my apartment at all. It's Saturday after all."

He gives you a knowing look. You give one back.

"Not happening, Jay."

He sighs. "Just go shower, and we'll talk after."

You slide out of bed and hop into the shower. The warm water helps soothe the aches in your muscles as you wash off the stench and discomfort of a night out. You wash your face and hair to be rid of the greases and oil that formed. Once you've finished showering, you throw on a pair of leggings and a sweatshirt. You walk out of the bathroom and sit next to Jay on the couch where he's watching the highlights of last night's hockey game.

"What would I do without you?" you sigh as you take a seat.

"Die, probably," he jokes.

"I know you're joking, but it might not be too far from the truth."

Jay laughs. "I think you're the one who keeps me alive."

"Pfft, me? What good have I done to keep you alive?"

Jay shrugs. "You're my lifeline."

You smile at that. "Lifeline, I love that."

Not as much as I love you, Jay thinks to himself. Last night was one of many, many nights where Jay went out of his way to make sure you were safe. Every time you went out, he was constantly looking out for you and making sure you were having a great time and staying safe. Jay always slept in your guestroom to make sure you had breakfast and pain meds and water the next day. He always made sure you were comfortable underneath your blankets. He only wished that you realized those actions were those of love and not friendship.

When you close your eyes, tell me, what are you dreamin' Everything, I wanna know it all

You were hit with the absolute worst-case of the flu you've ever had. You were on day three of working from home and all you wanted was to leave your house and get some fresh air. You had opened a few windows to try to simulate the feeling, but when it started to make you cold and sniffle, you knew it was better to keep the windows closed.

Each morning, Jay woke up to a million texts from you complaining about how you couldn't sleep. When you were bored or couldn't sleep, you'd spam Jay with messages to cure your boredom. Now that you were stuck at home, those messages were constantly coming in. Thankfully, the unit was having a slow week, so the messages weren't distracting, but they were heartbreaking. He wanted nothing more than to take the pain from you.

At the end of his shift, Jay went to the small deli around the corner to pick up some soup. He picked up your favorite before he showed up at your apartment. He didn't bother knocking on the door because you were likely sleeping. Your texts haven't come in the past thirty minutes, so he's assuming you're asleep or "resting your eyes".

When he walks into your apartment and sees you sitting comfortably wrapped in blankets, Jay's heart warms and saddens. You only got like this when you were sad, but at the same time, you looked so cute sitting like that. Jay clears his throat, and you turn your head to face him. When you see Jay, a soft smile overcomes your face.

You take your blanket jacket fort and waddle over to Jay. "You didn't have to come."

"Yes, I did," he replies with a soft smile. "Look at you."

You glance down at your sweats, sweatshirt, and bundle of blankets and smile. "I look amazing."

Jay snorts. "You do look amazing." He walks over and pulls you into a hug. Normally, you'd breathe in his scent, but your clogged nose prevented you from doing that. You missed Jay's scent, his laundry detergent and cologne.

You sit on a seat at your kitchen counter and wait for Jay to slide the soup over to you. When Jay removes the lid, you smile at the soup—your favorite. Jay watches with satisfaction as you slowly begin to drink the soup. He watches as a bit of color returns to your face and light to your eyes. As Jay drinks the soup he bought for himself, he notices that you’re struggling to continue drinking the soup and keep the blanket that you’re wearing as a cape on. Jay stifles a chuckle knowing it wouldn’t please you, so he gets up and helps pull the blanket off of you. He throws the blanket onto the couch and kisses your forehead softly. It pained him to watch you suffer through this bout of illness.

Jay sits back at the table and continues drinking his soup. With the lack of conversation flowing, Jay assumes that you didn’t cook many meals for yourself these past few days.

You take another sip of your soup. It must have gone down the wrong pipe as you begin to cough. Jay immediately runs over to you and strokes your back. You stop coughing, and Jay runs to your kitchen to grab you a glass of water. You take a few slow sips and let yourself calm down.

“Thank you, Jay,” you say lowly.

“Anytime,” he says through a smile.

I'd spend ten thousand hours and ten thousand more Oh, if that's what it takes to learn that sweet heart of yours And I might never get there, but I'm gonna try If it's ten thousand hours or the rest of my life I'm gonna love you (Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh)

“I’ll be just a minute,” Jay tells his partner and grabs the coffee sitting in the center console. He shuts the door and quickly crosses the road. He walks into your office and signs in at the front desk. Jay receives the guest pass and speed walks to the elevator. He presses on the button for your floor and prays that you’re not in a meeting. Jay figures he should have told you he was coming, but he wanted to surprise you.

Once he gets to your floor, Jay walks up to the desk and asks if you’re in and available. The person says yes and tells you to walk to your cubicle. You’re not sitting at your desk, so Jay assumes you’re at the printer or in the washroom. In response, Jay sits and decides to wait a few minutes before he’ll leave the coffee and a note and get back to work.

Just when Jay is about to walk back to his car, he hears someone approach your desk. When he sees you, his eyes light up and pulls you into a hug. “What are you doing here?” you ask.

“I brought you coffee,” he answers pointing to your coffee order sitting on the desk.

You smile. “And you went out of your way for that?”

“Nah, we were in the area.”

“Mmm,” you say with a smile as you take a sip. “Thanks, Jay.”

“Anytime,” he says before bidding you adieu. You sat back at your desk with a smile on your face—a smile that only Jay could bring out of you.

Do you miss the road that you grew up on? Did you get your middle name from your grandma? When you think about your forever now, do you think of me?

“How did this happened again?”

You sigh and turn your head to Jay who’s driving. “We’ve been over this a million times, Jay.”

“But it’s a funny story.”

You roll your eyes. “For you, yes. For me, no.”

“Just tell the story again for me. After all, I am driving you to get groceries.”

“Which, may I remind you that you didn’t have to do considering I could just have them delivered to my door?”

“Just tell the story,” Jay insists.

“I was walking down the stairs to the lobby at work, and my coworker tripped me, and I broke my wrist.”

Jay bursts out into laughter.

“This isn’t funny, Jay.”

“To me, it is,” he insists.

“Jay!”

Jay pulls into a parking spot and looks at you. He’s very visibly hiding laughter on his face as he says, “I’m sorry that your coworker tripped you and made you break your wrist. I’m also sorry that I laughed.”

“You’re mostly forgiven,” you answer. You lean over and kiss Jay’s cheek and rush out of the truck. Jay smiles widely and places his hand on the cheek you kissed. You and your broken wrist and cheek kisses are going to be the death of Jay.

He doesn’t have the opportunity to think about the kiss much longer as you knock on his window in impatience.

You lead Jay into the grocery store. He’s pushing the cart and picks out the groceries you request. If you need more than one hand to lift it, then Jay is the one who’s grabbing the groceries. Because your wrist was still in a cast, you couldn’t do much, so Jay was driving you around and helping with errands and such. One of the positives that came with the broken wrist is Jay. He’s been driving you around for the past few weeks, so he was always there. This was definitely helping to lower and reduce the feelings you had for your best friend.

“There’s no way I’m letting you buy that milk,” Jay interjects.

You snort. “Fine, I wasn’t asking for your permission.”

“But you are asking for my help to grab it.”

“Jay, it’s milk.”

“It’s cow’s milk. We all know that almond milk is better.”

You sigh. “Just grab the milk, Jay.”

He stands up straight. “Nope, if you want that milk, you’re going to have to get it on your own.”

“Really?” you ask.

“Really,” he confirms. In response, you open the dairy fridge and grabbed the handle of the milk you wanted to purchase. You lift it but have to immediately put it back on the shelf. It was too heavy for you to grab with one hand.

“You’re going to make me injure myself further, you know,” you point out.

“I highly doubt that.”

We’ll see about that, you think to yourself. If he didn’t want to help you, then you’ll just find someone else. You scan the dairy aisle and looking around for another person. You see a tall, muscular, handsome man browsing the eggs. You throw Jay a smile and saunter over to this other man.

“Excuse me?” you ask the egg-man (that’s how you’ve decided to call him in your head).

He turns to you and smiles. “Yeah?”

“As you can tell, I broke my wrist,” you begin and hold up your broken wrist. “I can’t lift the jug of milk. Do you think you could help me?”

“Of course,” he answers and follows you. As you walk over to your shopping cart and Jay, you notice that Jay’s head is angled down to his phone, but his eyes are very much watching you and egg-man interact. Is that jealousy in his eyes?

You point at the jug of milk you want to egg-man.

“I already got your milk,” Jay interjects. Did you sense a hint of possessiveness in his voice? He pockets his phone and points at the two jugs of milk sitting in your shopping cart.

“Oh!” you say surprised. You then turn to egg-man. “I’m sorry for bothering you. Thanks, though.” Egg-man nods and walks away. As he’s doing so, you wack Jay’s arm.

“What?”

“You ass. You couldn’t get my milk until you felt threatened by another male?”

“No one helps my girl except for me,” Jay answers. My girl. That was the first time he’s ever used that phrase for you, but you liked it.

“Okay,” you reply with a smile. You could get past that.

When you close your eyes, tell me, what are you dreamin'? Everything, I wanna know it all

Growing up, if your mother had time, she’d always make you a chocolate-vanilla layered cake with buttercream. She’d always write “happy birthday” in your favorite color on the top with four blue candles. It was always four candles regardless if you were turning one, four, eight, sixteen, or eighteen. Since moving to Chicago and away from home, it wasn’t often you got to make it back home for your birthday. This year was one of those years.

You complained all of once in a very brief passing; however, this was enough for Jay to know how bad you felt about not being home. A few times, Jay has been told stories about the traditions you had. His favorite to hear about your birthday cake. Your eyes always lit up, and it was one of Jay’s favorite looks on you—happy.

When he got the hint that you were sad about not being home, Jay made it his mission to try to put a smile on your face for your birthday. He figured the best option he had to do that was to bake the cake for you. The only problem was that Jay was terrible at baking and had no strength on that front. He burnt the chocolate layers and the vanilla wasn’t cooking. By the time you showed up at Jay’s apartment, all he had was buttercream that he still isn’t sure he made properly.

“What happened here?” you ask when you see the cake pans and dirty dishes piled in his sink.

“I tried to make that birthday cake of yours that you had growing up, but as you can see, it didn’t go that well.”

You smile. “I can see that.”

“If you help me, maybe we can still have a vanilla cake?”

You giggle. “That sounds fun.”

“Oh, and happy birthday! I can’t believe I forgot,” Jay says and pulls you into a hug. You wrap your arms tightly around Jay and let yourself soak in the hug. You hold on for a few more seconds and attribute it to being your birthday. There couldn’t be any other reason, right?

“Shall we make the cake now?” Jay asks after he pulls away far too soon. You nod and begin pouring the vanilla cake batter into one pan. “What are you doing?”

“The reason the chocolate burnt was that you put too little batter into the pan.”

“And this is why we’re best friends,” Jay remarks. “You always know how to fix my mistakes.”

You smile and continue maneuvering around the kitchen to finish the cake. You direct Jay to begin to clean the dishes. It was your birthday after all; there is no way you’re cleaning the dishes. Once the vanilla batter is successfully in the oven, you open a bottle of wine and pour two glasses. You sit on a stool in his kitchen and watch Jay continue washing the dishes. Just around when the dishes are finished, the cake is ready to be taken out of the oven, so you take it out and prepare the buttercream to be spread once the cake is cooled.

Once the cake has cooled and frosted, Jay takes two plates of cake while you grab the wine. You both sit on his couch and eat the cake.

“It’s not the same as what I had growing up, but somehow, I love it even more,” you remark.

“Oh yeah?” he asks taking another bite of cake.

You nod. “Best birthday I’ve ever had.”

Jay doesn’t know, but you’re pretty sure it has something to do with Jay being who you’re celebrating with.

I'd spend ten thousand hours and ten thousand more Oh, if that's what it takes to learn that sweet heart of yours And I might never get there, but I'm gonna try If it's ten thousand hours or the rest of my life I'm gonna love you (Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh) I'm gonna love you (Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh)

Eight texts were marked unread as Jay arrived home close to midnight. It was a long day with lots of paperwork after a hard-fought case. All he wanted was to sleep, but when the texts from you begin to flood his phone, Jay was completely awake. There wasn’t a single ounce of exhaustion in his body as Jay pulls over to the side of the road to read your messages. From what he got, you were anxious about a project for work. The pressure was getting to you, and you were spiraling. Jay replies with a quick “on my way” before he turns around his truck and heads back to your apartment.

Once he arrives at your apartment, Jay is quick to park and run to the elevator. Thankfully, it was at the ground floor, so he didn’t have to wait. Jay softly knocks on your door, and you let him. Jay takes in your form. You’re wearing your pajamas, but your hair is messy from running your hands through it. Under your eyes were red from crying. Jay pulls you into a warm hug and holds you tightly as you break down again. This time, though, you had Jay there to help you. Everything, it seemed, at this moment, was exhausting. Crying even took a toll on you.

After your tears slowly begin to subside, Jay lets you go for a single moment to grab you a glass of water. It looks like you’ve been crying for a long time, so he wouldn’t want you to get dehydrated or get a headache. He hands you the glass of water, and you accept it graciously before drinking it all in a matter of seconds. You make moves to refill it, but Jay stops you and grabs the glass from you. He’s here to help you, so there’s no way that he’s letting you refill your glass on your own. In the middle of a breakdown or not, Jay isn’t going to let you do anything on your own.

“Do you want to talk?” he asks once you’ve drunk a bit of water and slowly starting to calm down.

You shake your head. “Not right now.”

“That’s fine, whenever you’re ready.”

You nod and close your eyes.

“Hey, do you want to go for a drive?” Jay proposes.

“A drive?” you ask confused. The thought, though, is enough to put a small smile on your face, and that’s all Jay wanted to do.

“Yeah, we’ll just drive around the neighborhood, around the city, anywhere. We can listen to music, or we can drive in silence. You know, just to get you out somewhere else and give your mind something else to think about,” Jay explains.

“Okay,” you answer and let Jay lead you to his truck after you’ve put on some shoes. Once you’re in the truck, you grab Jay’s phone and play your favorite playlist. Despite it being Jay’s phone, every playlist you’ve ever made is synced with Jay’s phone, too. You always insist that you can just connect your phone, but Jay always insists on using his phone.

Jay pulls out of the parking spot just as the opening lines to one of your favorite songs come on. You relax into the seat of Jay’s truck and let the music relax you. Although your mind is still spinning, it’s not about what was bothering you earlier. Your mind is racing about the man sitting to your left and driving you around Chicago. When you texted him, you didn’t think he was going to be awake. You were more so texting Jay to get your feelings out instead of keeping them in; you weren’t expecting him to respond and show up at your door like your knight in shining armor. That’s what he was, wasn’t he? Jay was your knight in shining armor, and to you, you wouldn’t want anyone else to be in that role.

“Care to share your thoughts?” Jay asks in between one song ending and another starting. When he gets no response, Jay looks over to you. You’ve fallen asleep. If you’ve fallen asleep, then that means you successfully calmed down for the evening. That was all Jay wanted.

At your current location, you’re currently closer to Jay’s apartment than yours, so he opts to drive to his apartment. You have your phone, wallet, and keys, so you should be fine. Jay parks his truck in his parking spot. He slowly lifts you out of the seat and carries you to his apartment. Jay will come back for your stuff after you’re in bed.

As he’s carrying you, Jay feels you move closer to him. You rest your head on Jay’s shoulder, and he feels you get closer to him. It takes everything in him not to collapse as he feels you against his body.

Once you’re underneath the sheets on Jay’s bed, he gives you a kiss on your forehead goodnight. He closes the door and goes to sleep on the couch. For you, he’d sleep on the couch for eternity.

Ooh, want the good and the bad and everything in between Ooh, gotta cure my curiosity Ooh, yeah

A night out at Molly’s was the perfect way to end both a long day and a long week. After your supervisor basically screwed you over, you wanted nothing more than a cold beer and hanging out with your best friend.

“Here you go,” Jay says as he places the beers on the table.

“Thanks.” You smile and take a sip, the cold liquid already calming you down.

He takes the seat across from you and sips his own beer. His eyes scan your face and the worry and anxiety laced in your features. After taking another sip, you rest your hands on the table in front of you. Your hands are shaking as you think about how terrible the week was but knowing that the upcoming week is going to be just as bad. To calm and stop your shaking hands, Jay places his hands atop of yours. His hands completely envelop yours to the point where it’s impossible to see your hands.

The tremors in your hands stop as you feel a sense of relaxation ascend on your body. You twist your neck to try to relieve the stress that you could feel building there.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” Jay prompts.

You sigh. “My supervisor is just the worst sometimes.”

“I’m sure it will get better,” Jay reasons.

You shrug. “She’s going on maternity leave soon, so I’ll a bit of a reprieve.”

“When does she go on maternity leave?”

“In a month.”

“Maybe I’ll sign you on for a month as a guest detective,” Jay proposes. You think he’s joking, but spending the month with Jay seems like a really great idea.

“Really?”

He chuckles. “I don’t think I could legally do that, but you know I love you, so I might as well try.”

The expression of love is often passed between you and your best friend. It was often expressed, so when Jay said it, you weren’t shocked. You didn’t notice, however, the love that Jay was trying to express, too. “I love you, too, Jay, but thank you. I don’t know how I got through today. The only thing I was working towards was us here, tonight.”

Jay smiles, but it doesn’t meet his eyes. A darkness cloud’s Jay’s eyes, and you can’t help but wonder what the problem was. He retracts his hands that were holding yours.

“Jay?” you ask.

“You know I love you, right?” he mumbles. You furrow your eyebrows; wasn’t that just what he said?

“Yeah, of course,” you answer with confusion in your voice.

He shakes his head. “No, I love you, love you.”

Your eyes widen in shock. There was no way he felt the same. You open your mouth to respond but then close it. You never in a million years thought Jay Halstead, your best friend, would ever love you as you love him. Just seems to take your three seconds of no response as you not feeling the same, so he places some cash on the table and walks away with a somber mood.

Jay’s steadfast in his endeavor to get away from you that he doesn’t hear you calling out to him.

This couldn’t be the end. There was no way that this was how your relationship ended with Jay—over before it started.

I'd spend ten thousand hours and ten thousand more Oh, if that's what it takes to learn that sweet heart of yours (Sweet heart of yours) And I might never get there, but I'm gonna try (Yeah) If it's ten thousand hours or the rest of my life

Jay is woken by someone aggressively knocking on his door. He throws on a sweatshirt and walks over to the door angry. Who could possibly be waking him at an odd early? It wasn’t even four hours ago where he told you he loved you, and you gave him no response. It was four hours ago that Jay got his heart shattered to pieces.

“Can I help you?” he asks annoyed when he opens the door. His eyes widen when he sees you.

You push your way into his apartment angrily. “How dare you walk away from me like that?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You walked away from me without letting me tell you anything.”

“You were the one who didn’t say anything,”

“Jay, you gave me three seconds before you walked away!” you yelled. “I didn’t get the chance to tell you anything!”

Jay takes a step closer to you. “And what is that? Did you plan on breaking my heart?”

“Jay, you broke my heart by walking away. If you really loved me, then you would have given me more time!”

“More time to what, think about how much you don’t love me?”

“No, you idiot.”

Jay takes a step back. “What?”

“I’ve been in love with you for years, Jay. When you told me, I was shocked. I didn’t know how to respond, but you know what, Jay? I love you. I love you so much that I can’t take it. Jay Halstead, I’m in love with you, and when you walked away from me, my heart burst.” A few tears start to form in your eyes as you finish talking. Jay pulls you against his body and holds you tightly. He lets you cry as he strokes your back and helps you calm down. Once you’ve stopped crying, you pull away and look at Jay. “You don’t get to walk away from me like that Jay. Ever again. You don’t get to send me into a spiral like that of the past four hours.”

He nods. “I’m sorry.”

“You better be sorry,” you respond bitterly. Jay can see the corners of your eyes peaking into a smile, and by that alone, he knows he’s been forgiven.

“Can I kiss you, now?” Jay asks. He’s pretty sure he’s forgiven, but at this point, he doesn’t know how angry you might still be. Your face softens at his question, and you nod. Jay places his hands gently on your face as he brings it close to his. He slowly closes the gap and rests his lips gently on yours as your hands go to the back of his neck. It was a soft, tender kiss for all of two seconds before you both further deepened the kiss. All the emotion that’s been bubbling inside you came out in that one kiss. All the love that you’ve been holding onto for years was finally being expressed. You no longer had to hide the way you felt. It was exhilarating finally having the one person you’ve wanted all this time.

Jay pulls back slowly not want to ever stop kissing you. He strokes a soft pattern on your cheek as a smile overcomes your face. “I love you,” he says.

“I love you, too,” you answer, a smile, too, overcoming your face. “I always will.

I'm gonna love you (Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh) I'm gonna love you (Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh) Yeah, and I... Do you love the rain, does it make you dance? I'm gonna love you (I'm gonna love you) I'm gonna love you