#I'm too much of a coward to off myself but I very much welcome someone shooting me in the head

[ayakashibackstreet]

Your 20s are actually for suffering and wanting to die

[xiv-wolfram]

Famous Last Words - Comic Script

Endwalker - lvl 90

Wolfram is dead...

CW: PTSD, Depression, mention of previous thoughts of self harm

Wolfram Saga Comics (Chronological)

This is the script for a future comic. Posting for those who don’t want to wait to get the story. Numbers indicate frame number. A/B mean a frame is split.

Everything is greyscale. Wolfram is standing at the falls in The Fringes near where his home village was. A literal hellhound stands next to him. Wolf looking around in confusion.

A) Wolf frowns - "What…is this?" B) Hellhound barks - "What do you think? You're dying."

A) Wolf surprised - "Dying?!" B) Wolf ponders - "Yes, of course - Zenos had to be stopped… right?"

Wolf worried, asks the hellhound - "Does this mean…I finally…" B) Wolf’s eyes tearing up, looking lost - "I finally killed myself?"

Hellhound snarls - "Of course you did this to yourself. You've been chasing death for years - too much of a coward to do it, expecting the world to. So when Zenos showed up and you were almost out of Aether you welcomed the challenge knowing full well it would be your end!"

Wolf worried/lost, a tear falls, looking away in shame, only half believing what he's about to say - "No-no that's not true! He's hurt so many people without remorse. Killing is a game to him. I couldn't let him return to Etheirys!"

Wolf looks back at the hound, quickly concealing his emotions and rubbing a tear from his eye - "…And why are you taking that form? You're no voidsent."

A) Hellhound growls as it begins to change shape. B) Younger (21 years old) Wolfram stands where the hellhound was. He's covered in scars and bruises and splattered in blood, tears falling down his face - "So you'd rather I look like this? The real you?"

Wolf clenches his jaw, glaring - "That's not what I look like - you miserable bastard! I'm more than that. I've changed. I’m -" Voice off frame - "Hey! Don't yell at him!"

A very tall woman with the same skin, hair, and eye color as Wolf stands beside the younger Wolfram. She addresses older Wolfram - "He can't help what he is."

A) Wolf surprised B) She smiles at Wolf!21 - "You poor boy…"

Azem hugs Wolf!21, smiling comfortingly - "You didn't deserve any of it, you know."

A) Wolf!40, annoyed - "He did…I did. We’re monsters." B) Azem faces Wolf!40, smiling with her arm wrapped around Wolf!21 - "Neither of you did! And you don’t honestly still believe that ‘monster’ bollocks do you? After everything we’ve done?"

A) Wolf suspicious - "Who are you?" B) Azem grins and winks "Spoilers! Let's just say I want what's best for us and thought you may need someone on your side…"

Azem points to Wolf!21 "Since this one isn't exactly the most helpful fellow. Is he?" Wolf!21 pouts "... helping his pain end is a kind of helping..."

Azem laughs and pats his head "Alright well that's not what we're looking for right now, dear."

A) Azem points to Wolf!21 addressing Wolf!40 - "I did not have all of this awful stuff happen to me…so I'm a good deal more impartial." B) Speaks smugly - "So how about you think of me as your untraumatized self - just with great tits." 

Wolf WTF face - "What in the seven hells is happening right now?!?!"

Azem smiles comfortingly - "You're deciding if you want to live, dear." Wolf!21 grins - "You're *finally* deciding that you want to die."

A) Azem, awkward smile - "Or rather, come back to life. You are very dead right now." B) She smiles - "But it doesn't have to stay that way!"

Color returning but still desaturated. A) Wolf confused - "That's…something I can choose?" B) Azem smiles warmly - "Well of course, dear! You've been choosing life every day for the past 19 years… longer, if you're being honest with yourself."

A) Wolf!21 rolls his eyes - "Or he's just too much of a coward to do anything else." B) Azem winks - "Does the reason matter if the result is the same?"

A) Azem looks at Wolf pointedly - "It does need to be *for you* though. Our heart-chosen will be alright if you don't return. He's stronger than that." B) Wolf beams - "He certainly is! And entirely too good for me… But despite what my younger self believes - I'm much better than I used to be…and with time I can continue to change."

Wolf smiles - "Well if it's my choice then I think I'd like to see -"

Off frame - "Oh stop wasting time! You already know the answer and I've little patience for your dramatic speeches. You *finally* open this door and it's to contemplate death?! You know you’re not alone in here, right?!”

Ardbert, angry, holding Wolf by the collar - "You useless fucking idiot! I've been trying to tell you. She's still there! She's trapped waiting for you! So I don't care about your bloody feelings - You're not going anywhere until you fix this! Reunite her soul on the Fir-"

Color returned. Wolf's eyes snap open as he gasps for air.

Wolfram Saga Comics (Chronological)

[apheliia]

Hey Addi! If it’s not rude, I’d like to add on to the soft Dottore idea. I was too much of a coward to consider bringing it up myself lol

If we’re going for the Dottore’s creation idea, it could be that after working with Scara, Dottore had a separate breakthrough. He created life, something to fill the loneliness in what remains of his heart, and this new, perfect creation is better than Scaramouche could ever hope to be, he can be kind to them without being reminded of the bitter jealousy and resentment he felt with Scara all those years ago. Reader, in his eyes is his finest masterpiece, the only one he very, very quietly admit he still cares about, he stops distracting himself from his weakness, his humanity and his emotions, by only a, he’s still a monster, of course, but even il Dottore himself can’t let go of that softness entirely.

they’re uncaring as opposed to oblivious when it comes to Dottore’s actions, as why would they ever question their doting Creator’s actions? After all, everything he does is for the greater good of humanity, something neither of them are truly a part of. Their feelings towards Scara are up for discussion, whether it’s indifference spawned from his hostility, sadness that they can’t get along, or something else entirely. And this whole soft spot Dottore has for Rader? Especially in the beginning depending on where you’d like to put Reader on the timeline, fucking *infuriates* Scara, because why does he get tortured and twisted by that cruel bastard when that little thing that was created using blueprints sourced from HIM, get to go through absolutely no experiments, no cruelty. They don’t get death threats or cruel punishments. And not that he would ever admit, but who wouldn’t ask themselves why they’re being treated like that? Maybe it’s his fault, maybe he’s just not good enough, too emotional even after trying his hardest to distance himself from them. He gets to see Reader and be figuratively slapped in the face every time he sees how Dottore could act towards him, all with no real, definite answer. At least not until he becomes Wanderer. And, while Scara does have a soft spot for kids, I doubt that instinct, which is currently being brutally suppressed, would be able to top his resentment and vicious jealousy he feels towards Reader.

Although the last part of what I said lends itself more to the headcanon that I agree with, where Wanderer considered Dottore some kind of father/mentor figure, judging by how much of his personality he picked up and the mimicking among other small details.

I could also give my thoughts on Dottore picking up someone off the streets, but this is already egregiously long.

I know you were mostly going for fluff but I couldn’t resist adding some appropriate angst in regards to two of my favorite characters. I really didn’t mean to be rude to strryskies when they sent that ask, it just got me thinking and gave me the courage to send you my thoughts <3

My apologies for the poorly formatted rambles, I love you and I hope these thoughts of mine weren’t annoying!

hi bug!!!!!! it's not rude at all <3 you're welcome to add onto any thoughts i talk about if they inspire you!

UGH THIS IS SO INSANELY REAL AUGH the reader is so infinitely perfect in ways that scaramouche never was and never could be. there's always a weird, fond tenderness about dottore when he speaks to them, teaches them, instructs them (and something tells me he knows it would piss scaramouche off; i can see dottore purposefully being that way to them in front of scara just to see what happens). and why should they care what happens to scara, to dottore's other subjects? sorry you guys just aren't as good as they are 🤷‍��️ sucks to be a failure of an experiment. couldn't be them. /hj /lh but really. they have little to no reason to care--it is not their place to question the morality and ethics what their beloved creator, their beloved father, does. anyways, i'm sure they would take on a trait similar to his calculated madness as they learn from him, so the nature of his experiments ultimately wouldn't bother them either way.

(i think there's something to be said about how kindness breeds greater loyalty; scaring people into obedience isn't particularly effective. the reader, who has only ever been treated lovingly and has only ever been doted on by the doctor, wouldn't be keen on disobeying him regardless. how do you betray someone who has only ever loved you? you don't. no appeal to ethics or morality would get through to them, i think. people like scara and collei, who suffered at his hand, would naturally be more willing to act out. but the reader? nah. they don't give a shit. that's their father, their creator. nothing you say will convince them that they should be bothered by his actions.)

dottore has long since lost his humanity, and they are only an imitation of human life. both could perhaps be said to be monsters hiding in human skin. so, what dottore does to humanity... well. there's plenty of reasons why they're uncaring, but they also don't care because they are not a part of humanity. they exist outside of that realm. so it really just doesn't matter to them.

their feelings towards scara, i think, could be some blend of indifference and disappointment, perhaps. because scara also exists outside the realm of humanity, so why does he keep acting like a helpless little human? it's something they can't really fathom, even at a young age. they're indifferent because he seems to downright hate them and their disappointed because he's just like them, but he's so... emotional. so human. it's weird to them. how is a doll so impossibly and so infinitely human? it is so, so strange to them.

i do think that when he becomes the wanderer, he might come to some sort of conclusion as to what makes him and the reader so different, and it may very well just boil down to who they were raised and surrounded by in their youths. scaramouche, who was surrounded by humans and humanity, versus the reader, surrounded by monsters with bared fangs (though never in their direction). doesn't change much about how he feels about them, though. he still hates them so so so much. doesn't matter how young they are; being in the skin of a child does not change what hides underneath.

but i definitely agree with that! i think scaramouche viewed him in that type of way. if you want to send more thoughts, you are more than welcome to do so!!!! i would love to read them <3

again, there is nothing to apologize for!!!!! love you too, and i wasn't, don't worry!!! i love getting these types of asks heheh

[catgirl-brain]

[ENG] Another Night - Kazui Mukuhara Voice Drama

Aand... it's been forever since this came out... I had a lot of trouble deciphering what Kazui was trying to say in some portions, so please take this translation with a grain of salt... It's super rough at some parts, sorry!

Kazui: Alright then… Let’s see how this turns out.

(door swings open)

Es: Sorry for the wait,

(door shuts)

Es: Prisoner number 7, Kazui.

Kazui: Excuse me,

(restrains Es)

Es: W-what!?

Kazui: Sorry, give me a second to be ridiculous here.

Es: (struggling) You…! That’s rude!

Kazui: Now, now… I won’t hurt you, so don’t be afraid…

Kazui: Huh..?

Es: (breaks free and gasps)

Kazui: What’s this…? I’ve suddenly lost my strength…

Es: (heavy breathing) Prisoner number 7, Kazui! Do you have any idea what you’ve just done!? You’ve just committed a serious crime.

Kazui: (hums)

Es: Hey! Are you listening to me, Kazui!?

Kazui: Prison guard-kun fought me when I squeezed them… That’s not the image I got from Futa’s account. I thought you’d overpower me,

Es: Huh?

Kazui: but you tried to get out as soon as I started, and - “What’s this?” I suddenly lost control of my own body.

Es: (huffs) I don’t know all the details either, I just know that a prisoner can’t attack the guard.

Kazui: I see… (laughs) But it’s not like a magic barrier- An old man like me wouldn’t be able to handle that… (As an old man, that helps) Still, in terms of reality… it feels a bit like it was hypnosis.

Es: Hey! I don’t care about that!

Kazui: Hm?

Es: Sit down there, Kazui!

Kazui: (chuckles) Ok, ok.

Es: The manner of these prisoners towards their prison guard... Don’t treat me as if I’m a kid, but that behavior is uncalled for... I'm not going to forgive you (for treating me like that), what do you have to say for yourself?

Kazui: Hmm…

Kazui: (claps) Sorry!

Es: Huh?

Kazui: Really- sorry, sorry! I was worried I’d get injured by you, Prison guard-kun. From now on I’ll try to get information safely. Depending on who they are, everyone has their own method of gathering information.

Es: Huh?

Kazui: I’m an anxious old man, so I just needed to verify if Prison guard-kun was armed or not.

Es: You...To do that sort of thing to me…

Kazui: Mm? I thought it would be fine, but I suppose it wasn’t.

Es: Oh? But I didn't like it.

Kazui: Oh, no no, I don’t mean to offend you. Well, it’s no problem, if we can’t attack you, you can’t attack us, either.

Es: Hmm? (approaches him)

Kazui: What are you doing?

Es: (slaps him)

Kazui: T...that hurts….!

Es: Hey, what’s wrong? I was able to attack you?

Kazui: That was uncalled for-!.. Even so... that seems to be true…

Es: What, should I have said that earlier? Should slap you again to see if it works that time?

Kazui: Aw, I get it! I’ll be patient… (clears throat) I suppose the guard has decided the situation… We’re just scared of unfamiliar situations, don't you hate it - not knowing things?

Kazui: If I can’t expect it, it could hurt me. Even if not, it's better to see first. There’s always something dangerous. And what’s more, from the beginning of this session, you seem unfazed by this “mechanism”- somewhere, it sounds like pieces of something are moving. (??)

Es: What are you trying to say?

Kazui: In other words, we’re divided into the positions of Guard and Prisoner. We’re both trying to glean the information we lack.

Kazui: I think it’s “fair” in that sense.

Es: Me and you guys… we’re “fair”?

Kazui: Well, that’s my guess. I was hoping that Prison guard-kun would agree with me if I decided it was okay.

Es: Hmm… but you’re such a chatty man.

Kazui: (laughs) That’s true (laughs) I’m worried all the time, this old man’s no good.

Es: Well, what you’re saying is pretty interesting. It’s true; at some times I don’t even know everything about MILGRAM.

Kazui: (affirmative hum)

Es: But! I am the Prison Guard of MILGRAM, and you’re a prisoner, that much is true.

Kazui: (hum)

Es: That’s the most important thing here. Now then, Prisoner number 7, Kazui. Let’s get started.

Kazui: Alright, very professional aren’t we? (laughs) Well, let me introduce myself. I like this too. This isn’t my first time introducing myself to you.

Kazui: Once again, it’s Mukuhara Kazui, age 39. Nice to meet you, Prison guard-kun.

Es: Hm. You guys are all murderous prisoners. Kazui, you shouldn’t be so cheerful.

Kazui: Murderous... is that it? Well, you’re not wrong there.

Es: Mm? Confess it then.

Kazui: Confess.. At the very least, I believe I’m a murderer. I admit that. I don’t know if that’s a good way to put it.

Es: A good way to put it…?

Kazui: And that’s all there is, for the most part. To me, there should be no murderers aside from me. (??????????????????????????????????????)

Es: What do you mean?

Kazui: For example, for what reason are you gathering us murderers here? That’s something a crazy person would do. Is there a better word other than “murderer”? The term is too broad.

Es: Hey, Kazui. This isn’t the time to be asking questions.

Kazui: And I’m not recognizable as a murderer, unless you know my crime. Why the hell are we even on trial? It doesn’t make sense.

Es: I don’t give a damn about all that. I am the one who will decide whether to forgive you or not.

Kazui: Oh, is that so? Even though I don’t know who you’re working for?

Es: They’re fluffy. And if there's a problem, they’ll show up.

Kazui: Hm..? It’s something like that..?

Es: Stop acting like a detective, it’s unpleasant.

Kazui: Okay, okay.

Es: (sighs) Kazui. How do you feel about the other prisoners?

Kazui: Oh, that’s a good one. Don’t worry, everyone is well and friendly. The younger ones often get stressed, but there seems to be a good balance.

Es: That answer would be the same no matter who you ask. Don’t worry about conflicts between prisoners.

Kazui: Isn’t that what’s happening right now? I don’t really know what’s in my head, and you don’t know what life is like outside of here (???)

Es: Hm?

Kazui: There's an air of good feelings around the prison. I would be okay with living here forever. Why have you prepared such an environment..?

Es: Hey! Stop trying to get the conversation off track!

Kazui: (laughs) I got caught. Forgive me, alright? I’m an old man, I can’t help teasing kids like you- I have to be a little mischievous.

Es: You’re the same as Shidou. I hate it. I swear, does every adult act this way?

Kazui: (laughs) Did Shidou-kun also do that? He’s really calm, isn’t he? Can’t take that one sitting down.

Es: Are you different? You seem just as childish.

Kazui: Mmm… Does it seem that way? That’s good.

Es: What’s good about that? I don’t get this.

Es: This is a place where your consciousness will reveal itself (?) calculated by the impressions from others, but they can easily lie.

Kazui: This is, this is… You’re pretty tough. (laughs) But you’re not showing your true self, and neither am I.

Es: Hm…

Kazui: But, I’m older, so I have to take more responsibility/I need to try harder when I’m around kids like you. I’m an old man, so I need to keep a smile on my face while hiding my fangs.. Even if you are young.

Es: I see..

Kazui: You can tell I’m lying… Well, that may be the case. Unfortunately for you adults are very good at lying.

Es: Adults, huh?

Kazui: You’ll be stumped(?). Although, maybe you have some mysterious power...

Es: (cute laugh) Hey, Kazui…

Kazui: Yeah?

Es: That’s exactly it.

Kazui: Eh?

Es: I see your weakness. I can look inside you and unravel the sounds of your heart… What’s more, that adult technique. (??)

Kazui: (laughing) What? What’s that supposed to mean?

Es: Stop laughing, it’s unpleasant.

Kazui: (oh hoho…) Oi, oi, What on Earth is going on here….

Es: Are you a sweet-natured man who takes his losses well? Or are you really someone else?

Kazui: (hums)

Es: I’m looking forward to seeing it… Is it possible to hide anything from it? (‘it’ being the MILGRAM machine that produces the songs). I see now...

Es: In time, that’s what I’ll do. I’ll see the vulnerabilities in the lies of a murderer.. Though I’ve already seen through it a while ago.

Kazui: So… You’re going to do all that?

Es: What do you think?

Kazui: Well, it’s not so bad… sounds just like an adult, doesn’t it?

Es: (laughs) Being an adult, huh… Don’t use that as an excuse for you behavior, coward*

Kazui: (offended sound)

Es: In this place, it doesn’t matter whether you’re an adult or a child. MILGRAM forces you to stare deep into yourself, and you can’t escape.

Kazui: I…. see. I don’t care about this place of yours, and it hasn’t even scratched my surface. I just want to be stronger than it. (?)

Kazui: Of course, I’ve killed, and now I have no reservations about breaking any other laws. It’s different… I wonder if I’m in trouble. Nothing has changed, but I don’t know how to feel. Don’t talk to me like you know what I’m feeling, kid.

Es: (offended noise)...

Es: Welcome, Mukuhara Kazui. I feel like we’ve met before�� It's nice to meet you. I am Es, the prison guard of MILGRAM.

Kazui: (exhales, chuckles) Starting again, huh? Well, you won't regret it, that kind of relationship would be painful,

Es: That’s alright, isn’t it? Causing you pain is my job.

Kazui: Mm, you’re a pro.

Es: Surely, as just a regular human being, you can’t be totally prepared for this.

(Bell rings, machinery starts whirring)

Kazui: What’s this?

Es: It’s time for your cross-examination. You’ll face your regrets from now on.

Kazui: (sighs) Someone help… this is too much for me…

Es: That’s right, Kazui… show me your true feelings.

Kazui: Ahaha… Well, I’m embarrassed to concede to a child and say all that…

Es: Don’t worry. I’m going to know your soul from now on.

Kazui: Finding the truth of my inner feelings, huh? Alright.

Es: That’s right.

Kazui: Ah… oh, Prison guard-kun?

Es: What is it?

Kazui: This personality of mine… I’ve developed it from living in the world. Could you tell me about your own experiences? It’s a little annoying to have such a one-sided relationship, isn't it?

Es: I’m not interested in myself.

Kazui: That’s a lot of new information to add to the situation… I… I hide my own sins behind a delusion… I don’t know what you will see when it’s opened.

Es: Kazui…

Kazui: How’s that? Can you see how fickle adults are?

Es: Shut up. You’re the one who’s fickle.

Kazui: (laughs) Tough, isn't it? But is it the end?

Es: Prisoner #7, Kazui. Now, sing your sins.

[imaginejamesandsirius]

i literally love your blog so much! i didn't know this was a ship before i saw yours and i'm so fucking happy it does, can you write some post war fluff or literally anything you want, i just really like your writing lol!

Waking up in the middle of the war had been like a tired jolt. He had to jolt to make sure that he wasn't in danger and that he was still in his flat where he should be, and tired because Sirius hated that he had to wake up like that. It was an ingrained habit by the time the war ended. 

Every day had been a worried knot of paranoia. He hadn't wanted to keep his eyes to himself and worry about missing something that could've saved lives. Even when he didn't have to work and stayed at the flat all day, he never knew when news of someone's death or capture would break. He was so stressed out all the time that he never knew when he was actually tired and when it was just feeling wrung out from being stressed. The days had blended together, which just made his sleep schedule worse. His alarm clock was programmed with the days that he worked, so he never had to worry about missing a day at the office. 

He'd still felt like rubbish all the time. He'd been overworked, over-stressed, and under-loved. Under-loved because he'd never had time to see any of his friends, and with how paranoid he'd been, he'd hardly had the time to enjoy it. Not to mention that James had been equally stressed out, and it had only made Sirius feel worse to see him sad. 

By the end of it all, Sirius had felt like little more than a wrung out rag. 

When the war ended, he suddenly had time to himself. There weren't life-and-death matters to be stressed about at all hours of the day. When Sirius woke up with his heart trying to beat its way out of his chest, he no longer thought of it as being safe; he thought that he was being stupid and should calm down. The danger was gone. He could get back to his normal life. 

The problem? Sirius didn't have a normal life. He'd gotten kicked out/left his parents and wound up with James. At first, he'd been specifically not thinking about his future so that he didn't freak out. By the time he started to think about his future, the war had been starting, and it was more important to make sure they all made it through that than to worry about what he'd do afterwards. 

Now it was afterwards, and he had no idea what to do. 

He didn't like being an auror. He sodding hated the Head Auror-- who also hated him, and in turn, could make his life miserable, which the bastard did gleefully-- and the entire system made his lip curl in disdain. He was coming up on his last days working at the Ministry, and he still didn't know what he wanted to do next. The good news was that his flat was paid for, and he had enough saved up that he wouldn't have to worry about his other bills for a long time. 

The bad news was everything else. It felt like no one knew what to do now that the war was over. They were all drifting, waiting for something to shock them back into normal living, and it hadn't happened yet. 

Sirius was meeting James for drinks tonight. Just the two of them. The old, familiar flame was still alive in his belly, heating when James was nearby; he'd never said anything to him about it, and he'd had a dozen excuses. Always excuses, never reasons. The only reason he had for not telling James that he fancied him was because he was a coward. The excuses ranged from 'it's not a good time right now' to 'maybe if I wait a little longer, he'll confess to me first'-- and he didn't think that James fancied him, so that excuse really didn't hold up. 

He walked in the pub, eyes scanning from one side of the room to the other automatically. His gaze darted back over the people that looked suspicious, but he shook himself out of that headspace before he could get any further. That was a wartime practice, and they weren't in wartimes anymore. 

Point was, James wasn't here yet. Sirius took a seat at the bar and ordered a pint, keeping an eye on the door. 

James showed up a minute later, grinning when their eyes met. He made his way over, and Sirius ordered a pint for him. By the time he sat, the bartender was sliding the mug over. 

"Thanks," Sirius said, then nudged it into James's hand. 

"Thanks," James said, picking it up and taking a pull. "How've you been?" 

"Fine," he said. Saying that he felt like rubbish for no reason wasn't exactly pub talk. "You?" 

"Same." He probably meant it the same way that Sirius did, which only served to bring his mood down. 

"Cheers," Sirius said, clinking their glasses together. He took a sip, but it didn't make him feel any better, so he put it back down on the bar top. "What've you been up to?" 

James shrugged, looking down into his beer like it had the answer. "I've been thinking about leaving the aurors too. Without you as my partner, I don't know how I'd get through the day." 

"Sorry I didn't tell you sooner. I just-" 

"No, it's fine," James said, shaking his head. "I don't like being there anymore than you do. You're braver than me," he chuckled. "I can't leave without something else lined up." 

"I'm not braver than you," Sirius denied, because he wasn't. 

"Sure you are." 

Sirius snorted and didn't say anything else to disagree with him. If James wanted to believe that about him, there wasn't much he could do to change his mind. 

James glanced at him, then away again. Sirius pretended like he didn't see it; if he had something to say, he'd say it. "I keep thinking that the war's not really over," he said. 

Something told Sirius that that wasn't what he'd been thinking about, though. 

"Like we're here, having a pint and relaxing, and I feel guilty for not doing something helpful. Or I take a drink, and I want to kick myself for getting pissed when I should be paying attention." His throat worked for a moment as he stared at his beer. "Can we go to yours? This place is making me itch." 

"Sure. All I've got is rum, though." 

"You don't like rum," James said as Sirius started chugging his beer-- if he had to pay for all of it, he was going to drink all of it. "Why do you have it?" 

Sirius didn't answer for a minute because he was still drinking. When he stopped-- and burped, because honestly, it was a mistake to try and drink that much in one go-- he shrugged. "Uncle Alphard had left it there, and I never saw a point in getting rid of it. I just wanted you to know that I don't really have anything to drink at home." 

"I'll survive." He pushed himself to his feet. His beer was still almost entirely full since the only drink he'd taken had been when he first sat. 

If they'd been fresh out of Hogwarts, Sirius would've made some joke and James would respond by either rolling his eyes and joking back, or by drinking more of it. But they weren't fresh out of Hogwarts-- they weren't fresh anything-- so Sirius paid for the drinks, and they left. Once they were outside, Sirius offered his hand so he could apparate both of them to his flat. He remembered too late that James knew where he lived and wouldn't need any sort of guidance to get there, but he took his hand before he could move. Sirius wrapped his fingers around his hand tightly and disapparated. 

He protections against people apparating inside the flat, so they landed on the welcome mat-- a gift from Lily, otherwise he never would've bothered-- and he had to unlock the door. He supposed that he could take down those protections, now. With the war done and all, there was no point in keeping them up. It would be nice to pop right into his flat like he'd always wanted to when he grew up. 

He didn't really feel grown up. Did he count as a grown up? He wasn't sure. He thought about asking James, but they were the same age, and he knew that James didn't think of himself that way. No point in asking a question when he already knew the answer. 

Sirius opened the door, and they stepped inside. He heard the door close, and he started taking off his shoes. Beside him, James was doing the same. He took off his coat and hung it up, then padded to the kitchen. He expected for James to follow him, but he didn't. He gave it a few more seconds, but James hadn't moved. Sirius turned back to look at him. 

James was stood by the door, working one foot absently against the floor like he was thinking very hard about something. 

"Is something wrong?" Sirius asked. It would make sense if there were. They'd gone out for drinks before and made it an hour before leaving. Maybe James had something to get off his chest and hadn't felt like he could do it in public. 

After a moment, he said, "No," but he was looking at Sirius like there was something he wanted to say. 

Sirius stared back evenly, willing to wait as long as it took. 

After several seconds, James seemed to come to a conclusion. He strode forward. Instead of stopping in front of Sirius and talking, he kept moving until he was in Sirius's space. He had to tilt his face up to kiss him, and he had his hands on either side of Sirius's face. 

For a heart-stopping moment, Sirius wondered if he was drugged. There might've been something in his drink but he didn't notice because of how quickly he'd downed it. 

But he couldn't imagine there was a drug vivid enough to give him the scent of rubbish beer under James's normal scent, or the warmth and every single wrinkle of his lips against Sirius's. Maybe that was a lack of imagination on his part. But if he was going to get to experience this in any way, he wasn't going to fight it. 

It only took him a second to kiss James back, but he could practically feel the relief coming from him when he did. 

Sirius could admit that it was a little awkward. James's glasses got in the way a little, and Sirius didn't know what to do with his hands. The only place to put them was on James's waist, and he didn't know if that would be okay so he kept them at his side. 

There was a long moment when James pulled back and they stared at each other. Neither of them said anything. They just looked into the other's eyes. He didn't know how to ask for more, or-- at the very least-- for James not to leave. James didn't look like he wanted to go anywhere, but Sirius's immediate, panicked reaction was to hold onto him and never let go. 

He didn't have to. James kissed him again, and his grip tightened to the point that it was clear he never wanted to let Sirius go either. 

Neither of them said anything. 

Not for the rest of night, except for when James took off his glasses. Sirius asked, "You're going to be bloody blind." 

And James had said, "I can still see you," like it was the only thing that mattered. 

Sirius went to sleep feeling warm and tired but tired in a way that made him pleased instead of miserable. James was right beside him, curled against his side. 

When he woke up, James was still there. Not talking last night had been fine, but it wouldn't pass this morning. 

He didn't know what they were going to do because he didn't know what last had meant to James. Maybe he'd been lonely and they were mates and that's all there was to it. The thought was more than a little heartbreaking, but it made Sirius feel lighter, like a weight had been lifted. But no, that wasn't quite right. It was like a weight had been lifted but he hadn't realised until now, when he had something else to worry about. 

He could worry about how James felt for him-- whether it was aesthetic appreciation or an actual fancy-- without feeling guilty for ignoring more important problems. There wasn't a more important problem. His friends weren't getting murdered and tortured. Muggles were free to continue their lives without wizarding interference to hurt them. The ministry wasn't in danger of being overthrown. He could worry about what James may or may not feel for him, and it would honestly be his biggest problem. 

The thought made him grin. 

James shifted, then propped his head up with one arm. There was a soft smile gracing his face. With the morning sun coming in through Sirius's window, it made him look almost angelic. "What're you so happy about this early?" 

"I was thinking that this is my biggest problem right now, and that's okay. I can worry about what we are to each other without missing details at an Order meeting because I'm distracted. If you don't want to date me, I can mope here all day, and that won't put Lily or anyone else in more danger because I wasn't around. Worrying about what you think of me is my biggest problem, and it's allowed to be." 

"You're a strange sort." 

"You mean you don't like that your biggest problems in life aren't worrying about death and torture and the imminent destruction of life as we know it?" 

James shook his head. "Not that. The part where you think I could possibly not want to be with you." 

"In my defense, we didn't really talk about it," he said, still smiling. 

"Eh." James reached out with his free hand and splayed his fingers across Sirius's chest, looking at the contrast of their skin like this. "I didn't say anything before the war because I was scared. I didn't say anything during the war, because I didn't see the point in having that conversation and distracting us. Whether we got together or not, it would've divided your focus, and I wasn't about to put your life on the line because I was in love. And I didn't say anything last night because... well, we didn't really need to talk about it, did we?" He looked up at Sirius's face. "I looked at you, and it seemed like you were feeling the same things that I was. So I didn't worry about it." His mouth quirked. "Should I start worrying about it?" 

"No. It doesn't seem like a good use of your time." Sirius lifted a hand and covered the one that James had on his chest. "You know what is a good use of your time?" 

"I'm guessing sex." 

"Well, yes, but I was going to say more sleep. I'm kind of tired, still." 

James chuckled. He leaned forward and kissed Sirius before laying back down. "Sounds good to me." 

It took some shifting for them to get back into comfortable positions, and Sirius let his hand trail idly across James's back as he thought. 

"I love you too, you know," he said quietly. 

James's eyes were already closed, and he didn't open them. "Yeah. I know." 

Sirius smiled and closed his eyes again. Getting a little more sleep really did sound like an excellent idea. 

[subzeroiceskater]

Nice.

“I thought you liked girls! Didn’t I see you swooning over Pride and Iris?”

“Netto-kun, I was what, eleven? Twelve?”

Bisexuality? Not that compulsory heteronormativy isn’t a thing but. Well, personally speaking, I’d just like to have it acknowledged and not be the binary of “you’re either straight or gay”.

“His name is Jomon Teruo.”

“Jomon?”

“As in Japan’s Jomon Electric megastore?” Rockman chimed in.

“That’s it. His grandfather is the CEO.”

… Now, on top of that, he was beholden to some snotty rich kid. The spawn of one of the country’s most affluent name-brand families, in fact. They’d probably ride off into the sunset together in a luxury sedan, flocked by enough maids and servants to make Yaito-chan jealous.

I wonder if Teruo was chosen just because he’s canon rich to serve this role. Yeah, I’m just skipping to the parts where he gets mentioned.

“My counsellor recommended I check out Japan Club. That’s where I met Teruo-kun. He was super welcoming, and we planned all sorts of cultural events together to promote awareness.”

That’s actually pretty sweet. Good on you, Teruo.

The geek delivered a chaste kiss to the now-standing Tohru’s cheek, an act which caused Netto discomfort. “C-cancelled. S-so I flew here instead.”

“H-hi there, I-I’m Jomon Teruo.”

“Hikari Netto.” They shook hands, and the seated one noted the latter’s stutter.

So this was the wolf himself. Not what Netto imagined. The freckled hafu wore a baggy newsboy hat, rimless vintage pink sunglasses, long-sleeved shirt with circle of iron filings splaying the front and lightning bolts running up the arms, white slacks, and utility belt. He looked more like a mechanic or a rock and roll delinquent than the grandson of an electronics magnate. The only overt indicator of his wealth was his one obnoxious pierced ear, flaunting a diamond earring.

To be fair, this is probably more canon and in-character than everything I’ve ever done with Terry. BUT this is just straight up pulling from his game appearance from the mentions of “geek” and the stutters. This is just straight up his canon design as well, which, in my opinion, is A Look.

Although, I’m assuming if they’re older in this fic, they’d somehow dressed differently? The author is mixing game canon into the anime one (which I’ve never seen. To be honest, if Terry had ever appeared ONCE I would’ve watched the whole thing a million years ago, lol favoritism).

Although, hafu? Where did that come from? Terry's not said to be half-anything in the text or anywhere else in canon--absolutely nothing wrong if he was but this is the only place that mentions it for some reason?

That’s not really based on any canon thing at all. Is it because he was renamed Terry in English? That won't make sense in the Japanese setting of this fanfic? Like, even Terry could just be a nickname from Teruo. Teri is even still a a Japanese electric term.

N-not at all. L-lemme tell ya, robots are fascinating. A-and you’re apprenticing under Aoki Makoto? S-she’s a legend in the robotics community.”

“You should let Teruo-kun have a look at what you’re working on,” Tohru proposed. “Robotics are his specialty.”

“Q-quit it, Tohru-chan.”

Drat. He was modest too.

Teruo’s actually pretty cool with this? I’m anticipating the heel turn any time now but this is pretty nice. Based Teruo, loving and supporting robotics, female scientist and his fiancé.

Putting together Terry and Copybots is such an obvious thing that I'm mostly glad someone else did that!

A genius who could match pace with Tohru’s intellect, wealthy and reputable, with a sturdy career. Netto had nothing to offer. Teruo was everything he couldn’t be.

Well, yeah, Terry/Teruo’s shown to be good with robotics and have a rich grandpa but, seriously, Netto. This is a little too much, pfft. Although, that is the point of a pining romantic fanfic, I suppose. I’ll be honest, I haven’t read fanfics for a long time. It just feels more like the plot is leading the characters on and slotting them into types instead of letting the IC personalities and motivations arise naturally or speak or whatever.

And now I’ll turn into about myself. Am I any better with my own stuff? Nope! Author did this the same reason I do my own art—coz it amuses ‘em.

“His boyfriend is rotten! A scoundrel! The heavenly bodies foretell it!”

Yep, it’s definitely not me Netto-kun likes. Teruo-kun wouldn’t harm a fly! Tohru relished the garlic in his dumplings.

HERE WE GO 😈

The powwows a directionally inadept Dingo held asking his tomahawk for counsel locating Maha Ichiban’s customers came to mind, and Netto justly grew skeptical.

What? Err… You know what, I’ll just concentrate on the Teruo parts. For my own peace of mind. I don’t want to get legit mad again.

Tohru was entitled to the world. On Teruo’s lanky arm, that attitude represented a concrete, dynastic legacy. If the cost of that felicity was that he himself would fade, amen! Tohru’s contentment justified the tribulation. He could take it. For his beloved, he could learn to suffer the grief.

Yeah, this kind of thing. It feels more like Teruo is just an obstacle for the eventual realization of Netto’s true love. Like any trope, it’s not that’s necessarily bad but this is a little too on the nose and a little too overwrought for me. xD Maybe Netto was too different in the anime but I don’t really hear Lan thinking or talking like this, even as a grown up or in love. It’s just stuff like the author is blatantly going “hurry it up and get together” but at the expense of the story. It’s…well, “fanfic” writing.

I’m not explaining myself very well. This is why I don’t write fanfic myself, lol.

“Based on the evidence, we’ve secured a warrant to take Sparkman’s suspected operator, Jomon Teruo, into custody”

HERE WE FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOO

“Now that you mention it, Teruo did express a dubious interest in our research. Gah! Romeda-san was right!” He smacked himself, realizing the phony psychic’s prediction had come to fruition. “The jerk is shady!”

He’s a robotics guy who’s interested in robotics stuff. He seemed perfectly normal when you talked to him. How is that shady.

His vilification of Teruo abruptly gained legitimate weight.

😈 😈 😈 To be clear, I’m not mad or anything. This is actually a lot more fun than I expected it to be. It’s more funny than anything. Like, here’s Teruo being an okay dude who’s being guiltily vilified by Netto…but no, he was right, all along!

“Even though I’m not worthy of your love, even though I’ll never be able to give you the things he can, that doesn’t change the fact that I will protect you, Tohru-kun! No matter what! You may hate me for it, but there’s no avoiding it anymore!”

Teruo’s a shit Netbattler. You’re one of the best. Go beat his ass netbattling or something, Netto.

He located Teruo immersed among the gizmos in his lab. Untidy as a hoarder, blueprints and tools lay disorderly, necessitating Tohru dance around the innumerable hazards to his feet. His grease monkey boyfriend was hunched over a project, welding. Blue embers licked the metal as he mended a garish scar begriming its surface.

Okay, I can’t believe how cool Teruo is in this fic. I mean, he gets to do robotic-labs shit, even if just by implication. What the fuck.

“Yo, Tohru-chan!” Teruo jerked his helmet up.

He was tinkering with a robot. A Copyroid.

No…

“What have you done?”

“My oh my, that Hikari Netto did a number on you, didn’t he?” Teruo patted the Copyroid. “I rewired it. Optimized its destructive capability. Rebooted it without those pesky inhibitors. No safety parameters. I’ve accomplished what Aoki Makoto was afraid to do.”

The loss of the Jomon family successor’s stutter unnerved him. Was it all a ploy?

Like, this is legit cool, man. Teruo’s legit badass. Haha. Based. And he’s giving orders to the neo-WWW? Like, some kind of Dr. Wily analogue? So cool, even if just implication.

Oh, by the way, that’d be welding mask, and not helmet.

“Gramps is holding out on me. Reassessing my status in his will. He dissed robotics and threatened to sever my funding, the geezer! When I caught wind on an Undernet BBS that these lowlife goons were planning to bust out the Professor, I extended my services. In exchange, the Professor lends me his soldiers. It’s a hostile takeover, baby!”

Fuck yeah. I actually love this. This is pretty much his scenario from the game but extended a little more villainously.

“After everything we’ve been through! It was a lie?”

“Never. I do love you. Gonna give you the world, Tohru-chan. Picture it. Us, unlimited coin, and a controlling interest in the organization!”

“You can walk away! I’ll speak to the Net Police! We can hammer out a plea bargain!”

“Aww, how swell of you to defend me. When this is over, you and I are due for a heckuva holiday. Hmm? The Southern Isles?”

And it turns out he genuinely loves Tohru? Like, in his own earnest way? Based.

“You ain’t gonna win! No siree!” Teruo taunted, priggishly unhinged after having been liberated of his tiresome fake speech impediment and goody two-shoes public persona.

The duplicitous jerk! He really was the spoiled rich kid Netto thought!

Okay, but I wanna argue that I don’t think that Teruo (Terry in BN4) was faking—the stutter at least. Terry’s thing is at his heart, a coward. The stutter was him being a scaredy-cat because he was nervous trying to trick Lan and him getting a confidence boost was thinking he’s succeeded. There’s the heel turn I’ve been waiting but the whole way getting here was so fun (and honestly short) so I don’t mind as much.

“Bourgeois slime, I’m gonna enjoy pixelating that disrespectful runt of yours!” Teruo spat.

I was gonna say how weird for him to use bourgeois as insult when he’s the richer one but I just looked it up and this usage is correct: bourgeois relates to the middle-class. Whoops. I also just found out that I’ve been understanding the slang “bougie” wrong all this time. Educational!

Neither Teruo nor Sparkman abided by restraint. Divorced of commitment, they cut loose, exactly as Teruo stipulated, with “extreme prejudice.”

And Teruo completes transformation to vaudeville villain. He’s still fun, though.

Teruo threw caution to the wind. Resorting to cheating, he spammed Extra Codes to push Sparkman to the limit, mashing his PET like his life depended on it. “Take this! And this! And this! Heh heh heh!”

Can it really be called cheating if this was never meant to be a fair legit fight in a contest with rules. Teruo’s just being a poor sport in general. Which is still canon characterization, btw.

“Garbage!” Sparkman was literally falling apart. “You may excel at repairing machines, but you sure stink at Navi operation!”

“Sue me! I’m a robot specialist, not a NetBattler!”

Rockman mocked, “Arguing? Trust between operator and Navi is key!”

“You’re such a hot shot! Why don’t you fix this useless robot body?”

“I oughta sell you for scrap!”

Yeah, this is just from the game. Although, Teruo should be able to do something about the Copyroid body. Okay, you know what, I’ve always want a Full Synchro between them. What’s that? The point of Terry’s story was how he’s so bad at Netbattling and he couldn’t get along with his Navi?

Well, more reason for them to overcome their differences and finally be true battle buddies. Honestly, that’s part of the whole “Terry gets a friend, learns to be less of a terrible shit and gets his life on track” fanfic idea I’ve had since I played his game.

Anyway, he gets arrested. And…hired an assassin to try take Netto out? Lmao, still badass. That’s it for him. I tried looking for that time travel thing but, nothing. I think from context, this is just because this whole story was the time travel thing? Well.

That was more entertaining than I thought it would be. I’d have to wonder why Terry of all people but it may be as simple as he was a rich jerk who never appeared in the anime and so good for a retelling. He was far more important in this story than pretty much anything else I’ve ever seen, outside of my own stupid doodles, hahahaha.

[hiruma-musouka]

If you don't mind a random question. So you said once that you're picky about characterization regarding Madara and Tobirama (MadaTobi, specifically). What's your preferred characterization? What do you think about when you write them/when you're working out characterization in general, if anything? I really like the dynamic you have for them, and I'm curious if there's a process and what it involves, I suppose. Thank you for your time!

I welcome random questions! (I’m just really bad at answering them promptly) That being said, buckle in because you’ve hit on a topic I love and I’m feeling chatty so I basically wrote you an essay.

At this point in my life I’m picky about characterization in general to be honest. It’s not about Madara, Tobirama, or MadaTobi specifically, it’s everyone. I wasn’t always picky (as my reading history will attest) and even now I will sometimes read stuff with characterizations I’m not 100% fond of, but I’ve been reading fanfiction voraciously for well over a decade now. I like to pretend that I’ve developed some taste over that time period. And I tend to read in fads when I find something I like, so name a thing and, if I like it, I probably read several pages of AO3 fics on that pairing/trope/fandom etc.

Even if I sometimes go back and wonder how the fuck I sank a week into reading insert trope. Your tastes change as you age.

Basically what this means is, I have gotten to the point where I’ve really figured out which things are deal breakers for me instead of just reading on and on and wasting my time hoping I can make myself get used to it. I have time management issues and no time turner: I can’t afford to waste precious hours on stuff I’m halfheartedly enjoying.

And for me the ultimate deal breaker has to be the characters.

Plot is excellent, I LOVE good plots because they’re what helps makes a fic engaging and unique (bless astolat for example whose plots keep sucking me into fandoms I’ve never heard of)… but I have to care about the characters. They have to feel right to me.

Now, let me explain what I mean by “the characters have to be right” because I don’t want people to think I’m elitist purist who believes there is ONLY ONE WAY to do things. I wouldn’t love fanfiction if that was true. There are two things I mean by “right” in reference to characters.

ONE: (and this is essential) They have to be people. They do not have to be human. LOOK AT MY FICS! I keep writing non-human characters. I love well done fics about fae. When I say they have to be people, I mean that they have to be nuanced. They need to react like a genuine article of whatever the author is writing. People are complex! They can be straightforward, they can be assholes, they can be sweet, they can be ashamed, they can be kind-but-god-stop-BRINGING-IT-UP-YOU’RE EMBARRASSING-ME… people can be so many things under the sun and that’s what I want to read. I want people.

You know that thing they recommend in writing: “show, don’t tell”? This is sort of part of what I mean. You can’t just say a character is a coward or just explain things to me and have your characters lurch to the plot’s demands. If you’re writing a person, and not just a name on a word document, they’re going to feel different if you know what I mean. If you have ever hear of an author complain about their characters, they’re probably writing people. And this is because characters are stubborn little wretches sometimes! Because what they want to do is not always what the author wants them to do for the plot. One of the really damn hard things about writing is somehow juggling all those assholes into doing what you need them to do. Sometimes it involves reexamining why they’re doing it and just getting into their head a different way. Sometimes it involves switching POVs because their actions feel right but you have no idea why they hell they’re doing it (or at least you have no way to explain it to the readers yet). Sometimes - and this might make you cry - you have to scrap all your hard work and either redo the plot or admit that certain shit doesn’t work with certain characters without being ooc.

All of the above is stuff that comes with time and effort and a bit of talent. Everyone has their own specialties when writing, but regardless of whether you get into a characters head or just write their actions from an omniscient pov, if you’re writing people, I can feel it.

(There are some rare story structures that don’t focus on people, but I’m already up on one soapbox, so we’ll set that detour aside.)

TWO: If you are writing from a canon rather than an original character, they need to feel like that canon character to me. For anyone who’s read fanfiction and had that one moment where you’re like “that’s them! that’s so them!” - this is what I mean.

Now, this is where we get onto the topic of preferred characterizations.

(I’ll use Madara and Toibrama as an example here since that’ll drag me back to your original question.)

I don’t think there’s only one way to characterize people in fanfics, but I like to think of canon as the “core” of a character. Metaphorically, canon is the bullseye on a dartboard of characterization. THAT is what people shoot for when writing. If you get too far away from that bullseye, things feel ooc and you tend to lose your reader. The character feels like someone else with a name slapped on.

BUT (and here’s the awesome thing about fanfiction) everyone has a different interpretation of exactly what that bullseye is and what qualities make up the different layers of the rings around it. For some people one quality is vital, but another can be done in different degrees and still feel in character. This is why (for example) myself, @blackkatmagic, @redhothollyberries, and @elenathehun can all write fics with Madara and Tobirama and they will all feel uniquely, subtly different and yet still in character to all of us. What we feel is in character for those people - what we think of as the bullseye and in inner rings of our characterization - overlaps a lot with enough minor variation around the dartboard for us to all be unique.

This is also why my Madara tends to feel slightly different sometimes in different AUs. When I write, I keep in mind that different backgrounds make slightly different people so the characterization changes slightly. That part is pretty organic for me. I feel it more than decide it and then work out how to explain the difference as I’m writing to make it clearer and more consistent.

So when I say I’m picky, I mean that my idea of traits is defined for them. I have thought about them enough to know what my dartboard looks like so if I read a fic with an interpretation that varies strongly enough from my bullseye, it stops feeling like them to me. Characters that I’m not as familiar with (either as a reader or writer) get a much wider dartboard because I haven’t really made a definitive opinion on them yet so there’s more leeway in how people write them before it throws me off.

This isn’t to say that my way is the best way and that others are wrong, but it does mean that it’s my interpretation of canon and what I feel resonates best as “in character”.

Of course, sometimes it’s fun to read something with a premise that has no evidence in canon - like “what if this person liked X” - but as long as the rest of the characterization holds up, that’s basically how fanfics work and it’s interesting.

So you can see a lot of my preferred characterization in how I write people. Of course, the more I write a person, the better I feel I know them or the more I think about them so sometimes I’ll realize “wait, this feels better” and then that will change my idea of their bullseye for future stuff. That also happens when I read really persuasively good fics, btw.

Now we have your question about my process as these characters specifically. My process for a new character tends to be the same for everyone. If I have read a lot of fics, I tend to draw from those characterizations and what they had in common to get a feel for the person. I will also CONSTANTLY reference the wiki’s personality section because that breaks people down into rough descriptions that I find useful. It also lets me review quickly what they did in the manga and sometimes why which helps figure out how they tick. (I still haven’t had time to read anything but specific sections of the manga, goddamnit…)

Figuring out how characters tick is HARD but very important because knowing how someone ticks is vital to writing AUs. An AU that doesn’t have a lot of similarity to canon makes it easier to be ooc because you’re drastically changing their backgrounds. Conversely, it also means that you can’t forget that changed backgrounds should mean changed characters somehow.

(Case in point: canon Kakashi is massively traumatized. Unless you have another terrible background, coffee shop au Kakashi should be different.)

I also love to discuss characterization with Kat, Elena, Squid, or Holly because active discussion makes it easier to verbalize and consciously realize why one thing feels correct and why (the why is always important) other actions or dialogue feels wrong. Elena is fantastic for me, for example, because we approach characters from different methods so she sometimes verbalizes reasons when I’m stuck or points out things that haven’t occurred to me yet.

If I have the time (and more importantly the chapter numbers), one fantastic thing is to reread sections of the source material with important moments with that character.

And here’s where I developed Madara. A large part of why I started with this character is because blackkat’s writing sucked me in. When I started to write him though, I had to decide how I wanted to write him which meant figuring out what were the “core” elements of Madara’s character. Given that Madara’s canon characterization is… unconventionally written, I basically started by deciding that if I wanted a protagonist then I had to draw from pre-psychotic break Madara. I can look at later Madara too because it’s still helpful for different elements of his character, but such a drastic change means there’s a literal canon option for good versus crazy Madara when you’re writing his characterization.

(I am experimenting with his darker characterization but that’s not as helpful in most of the stories I want to write at the moment.)

So I take the material, I look at the characters and I try to get a feel for what the person is like, how they interact, what underlines the choices they make. Knowing what people value, what they like/dislike, and how they express themselves helps to write not only what they would choose but how they would speak or react.

Madara’s characterization for me ends up being roughly this then >> values family, somewhat open, competitive, teasing, resolute, dreamer, exasperation, reacts/snaps when frazzled, annoyed when people don’t get to the point aka straightforward, skilled (!!!), disciplined, bit blunt, protective, willing to fight and enjoys challenges, and not hateful.

Later events in the manga add in things like ruthless when necessary, does not deal well with being the last man left standing among close family, I definitely think he had depression at one point, respects skill/power, patient if it’s for a purpose, and good at manipulation (if not necessarily inclined to it as a first option since young Madara was terribly to the point and open with Hashirama).

Given how long this is, I’ll stop here, but if there are other points you’d like to ask about or have me expand upon, please feel free to drop another ask! I know I got diverted while on this soapbox, so let me know if you still want Tobirama or anything.