#I'm team Vigilant at any given moment

[anastasiiaosypova]

Nightdragon Man-of-War Vigilant

“I am Admiral Ar’alani, currently in command of the Vigilant and Picket Force Six of the Expansionary Defense Fleet."

Star Wars: Thrawn Ascendancy: Chaos Rising

Csilla

Team Vigilant

[dr-futbol-blog]

The Siege I, Pt. 4

So, Sheppard and his team consisting of Teyla and Ford have gone off screen to what was to become the new Alpha Site, and we don't get to see them on the planet at all. Whether Sheppard is feeling overheated or not, Bates informs Weir on the intercom that "Major Sheppard is coming in hot!" And he sure does, backing in out of the gate.

Bates is certain that the reason they are coming in so hot is Teyla having given up their position to the wraith, and he has had it. Before Sheppard has even had the chance to catch his breath Bates gets all up in his grill about it, not even the thinnest veneer of respect left for his superior officer.

And what he spits in Sheppard's face is the same thing that all of his superiors (including Weir, who is not making it easier to hear these same accusations from Bates just standing right there listening in on this) have told him, the thing that he already uses to beat himself up all the time:

Bates: I told you she was a liability, sir! Now, I'm not gonna let your personal feelings endanger this facility any longer! Teyla: What?! Bates: Look, I'm not accusing you of doing it intentionally, but the wraith must be getting information from you! Sheppard: What the hell are you talking about? We ran into a... what the hell was that? Ford: Looked an awful lot like a T-rex, sir. Sheppard: Yeah, a T-rex! It wasn't even a wraith! So why don't you check those accusations!

Sheppard is clearly irritated but his indignation is also very clearly feigned, it has a performative quality to it. He believes that Bates is treating Teyla unfairly, yes, but he does not believe that his accusations toward himself are unfounded. He is doing exactly what Bates accuses him of.

Weir, the diplomat that she is, tries to diffuse the situation by changing the topic:

Weir: I take it you don't recommend the planet as an Alpha Site, Major? Sheppard: Wouldn't be my first choice. If McKay doesn't get the satellite online, we're screwed.

So, there are a bunch of things happening on his face as Sheppard says this (and like, he's been separated from McKay for all of a few hours by now and he's already back to his compulsion of mentioning him by name at every available opportunity; he could just as well have said "if they don't get" or even "if we don't get"). At first, he's still fuming from Bates' accusations. As soon as he mentions McKay, is eyes shift to the right to access a memory of talking with McKay (he's unwittingly accessing an auditory memory) and just as soon, the anger dissipates and he seems to be expressing conviction, his belief in McKay and his abilities.

But then he suddenly realizes what he actually said ("screwed!") and, true to form, it's never not time for this man's mind to go to sex when McKay is involved and he raises his eyebrows in a minute wiggle. However, just as soon as he has the thought this is replaced by worry. He glances over to his team, concerned for them, but then he shifts his eyes to the left and looks at nothing at all. He is not looking at any of the people standing before him, he is looking to the side at nothing. This is where people are meant to be looking at when they are accessing emotional memory and feelings.

Most of all, Sheppard is worried for McKay and how he is doing right now, somewhere out there. Without him.

And that is when we finally get a glimpse of McKay in the jumper with Grodin and Miller. From Sheppard's look of concern we transition to see how McKay is doing just underlining the fact that McKay was what he had in his thoughts in that moment.

McKay seems to be wearing a space suit as they approach their destination, getting ready to do something that goes far above and beyond the duties of a scientist. I mentioned earlier that it is likely Sheppard had a talk with Miller before they took off just as McKay was having a talk with Zelenka. And Miller does seem to be watching over McKay in a way that suggests extra vigilance, especially since we have never seen the characters interact before and it is very likely they don't even know each other that well. He even tells McKay "good luck" when it is his time to go out for a space walk. All throughout their scenes, he seems much more concerned for McKay's well-being than Grodin does.

The fact that Miller is acting as proxy to Sheppard is shown in how he does exactly what Sheppard would have done here (although let's be honest, if Sheppard was on the mission he would be doing the space walk himself), turning back to look at McKay, watching him leave:

Meanwhile back on Atlantis, Teyla corners Bates because she has had it with his accusations. They have some words which ends up with Teyla decking him just as Sheppard and Ford were coming in around the corner. Bates is about to return the favour to her when Sheppard and Ford get in between them. Ford walks into Bates and holds him back with his own body blocking his forward momentum where Sheppard turns Teyla around, placing his own body between them. He is not trying to shield Teyla from any harm, they are trying to create space between the belligerents and to hold both of them at bay.

Sheppard didn't even have time to issue Ford any orders when they came in, so it's very good that he took the initiative to hold Bates back, as he seems to have been a hair's breadth away from assaulting a superior officer however much his intention was to get at Teyla. Sheppard has been trying so very hard to keep from having to reprimand Bates, and this just keeps getting worse. He doesn't even care who started what.

Sheppard: What the hell's going on here? Teyla: I was simply stating an opinion, Major! Bates: She attacked me! Teyla: And for good reason! Sheppard: Yeah, what reason would that be?

Under normal circumstances Sheppard might have been more sympathetic for Teyla's cause. They are aliens to her world, there are bound to be cultural differences. But here they are, on the eve of total annihilation with only McKay out there, alone, standing between them and the wraith, and with every passing minute he feels more and more like he made the wrong decision staying back. He could be out there with McKay making a difference and he stayed back for this. They are both getting on his last nerve.

Bates: My guess would be the wraith! Sheppard: Walk away, Bates. Bates: Sir! Sheppard: Walk away! Bates: This isn't over.

Sheppard isn't officially taking any sides here. We have seen him defend Teyla privately, argue her case against Bates almost since the very beginning but because this is happening in public, it places him in an extremely difficult position. Teyla is a member of his team but Bates is an officer in the military that he serves and whose regulations he is bound by. Yes, Teyla has reason to be miffed and it isn't her fault that she doesn't know the rules they operate under, but he doesn't need this right now. They don't need this right now. If there was anything he learned from that chapter of War and Peace he had apparently been reading recently (The Gift, S01E18), it was Pierre's idea that it is necessary for the forces of good to be united because at cross-purposes, they are making it easier for the forces of evil to defeat them.

Sheppard has too much on his plate to be dealing with this right now, so he ends up taking it all out on Teyla:

Sheppard: What the hell are you doing? You don't go around decking the head of security! Teyla: He said... Sheppard: I don't care what he said! He says a lot of things. You just stay away from him.

He says a lot of things, Sheppard says. I find this interesting. Certainly we have heard Bates say all manner of things relating to Teyla, but they've really all been variations of the same theme. So has he said something else worth note?

Like pointed out previously, Sheppard seems to be very uncomfortable around him, acting almost cautious. He has had ample reason to reprimand Bates officially, and yet he has not taken the opportunity. Bates is the second highest officer on base, he is the head of security appointed by Weir, he was one of Col. Sumner's men and his allegiance is still clearly to his former superior (Marines are known to be Semper fi, 'always faithful' or 'ever loyal' to the USMC), all of which might make Sheppard disinclined to pursue any formal proceedings for his behaviour. Both toward Weir as his higher up and Bates as someone directly under him, he is trying to maintain a fraught peace so as not to rock the boat unnecessarily especially at a time that calls for unity.

But Bates is a marine. Marines had a reputation for saying a lot of things about gay men as a form of homosocial bonding. "There's nothing as gay as a straight marine," goes the saying but this does not mean that they were accepting of homosexual or bisexual servicemen, much to the contrary. There was a well-known culture of playing "gay chicken" among the marines, being a homophobic game in which the masculinity of the participants is measured against the degree of sexual advances they could tolerate from another man. The straighter you were, the further you could go without being considered gay. This is a more severe version of what we actually saw Ford attempt to initiate with McKay in The Gift (S01E18) by making a disparaging comment about the size of his penis. Now, I'm not saying Ford was or had any intention of being homophobic there, only that his motivation for the remark was in homosocial bonding (especially with Sheppard), which is also the impetus for why this has been practiced in the Marine Corps probably up to this very day but certainly was back then.

It's not really about gay men but the stake of the game is avoiding the stigma associated with homosexuality, and the negative consequences associated with the suspicion of homosexual desires could adversely affect one's position in the homosocial environment of the military. That is, disparaging the very concept of homosexuality was the way marines asserted their masculinity and manifested the hierarchy within units. Something similar was certainly happening in all branches of the military as a form of hazing during DADT but USMC was an especially egregious example of this. They were famous for being like this.

Now, we know that Sheppard himself is not homophobic because he is canonically (Sunday S03E17) fine with people under him dating which ever sex they prefer, and let's not gloss over what a huge moment that actually was for a show with such deep ties to the military-entertainment complex. But most of the troops that he, an Air Force Major, commands on Atlantis are marines and one wonders whether he would have put a moratorium on that kind of talk under his leadership. Or that he didn't, because he tells us that Bates does say a lot of things, but that he certainly would like to have put an end to it. But because it strikes too close to home, it is too personal, he has too much to lose and his authority among them is hanging by a thread as it is, that he doesn't dare reprimand them for it even when it has to be killing him inside.

If John Sheppard was straight, it would be no problem to tell them to cut that shit out and tell them that anyone continuing it under his watch is going to be disciplined. But because he isn't, it becomes more complicated. Now, whether or not what Sheppard says is a reference to this, this is effectively what they are playing out in these scenes. Because Sheppard is guilty of what Bates accuses him of, of letting his personal feelings come in the way of his duty, he is incapable of performing his role as a leader to its full extent. He can't tell Bates that he's out of line, he can only tell him to walk away. In the previous episode, Teyla's connection to the wraith was allegorical of homosexuality so using her character, using what makes her "different" with regards to her inborn connection to the wraith, makes it safer to explore these dynamics that very much existed in the real world of the US military at this time.

Continued in Pt. 5

[zahri-melitor]

Newish Comics:

Taking a break from ploughing through Santa appearances for the week’s comics.

Batman & Robin #3: ahahahaha “dedicated instructors who showed me the deep knowledge of the world”.

Damian. Sweetheart. You were TEN. I have no doubt you learnt a lot of complex things but also firstly you didn’t synthesise everything and secondly you simply didn’t have the TIME to learn ‘everything’.

That done, Bruce please explain socialisation and ‘working on a civilian cover’ to Damian, so he will go to school. Remember civilian covers? And secret identities?

Ooh Man-Bats! (I’m sorry, I’m here in this book for the Bruce and Damian moments, but I don’t actually mind the concept of Shush and White Rabbit? I like that White Rabbit is leaning into the Japanese aesthetics that Damian uses for his art)

Outsiders #1: I hate to say it, but my back is already up. Luke Fox, describing Kate Kane's background as "we both trained under one of the most brilliant tactical minds to ever exist" - are we talking about Jacob Kane? Because I wouldn't call him that. And I wouldn't say that Kate trained under Bruce Wayne.

Also the wig? That was originally Jacob's choice and to help with concealing her identity. If Kate actually had issues with it she would have ditched it years ago.

Not knowing fundamental basics like this about Kate is worrying me (unless there's been some retcon I haven't read yet?)

On the other hand... JENNY SPARKS SIGHTING!!! (Well, her skeleton. Apparently) JENNY MY SWEETHEART.

...I'm going to give this a go, since it's Kate and since it's MY FAVOURITE JENNY. I'm being cautious though.

Speed Force #1: oh this however is just fun vibes. I think it's our new light-hearted Flash book, with Si Spurrier doing more complex things over in Flash proper.

The Vigil #6: Ram V landed this. I still feel like all of the characters are specific commentary on other DC characters, but watching the team pull together and Castle explain what had been missed was very satisfying in that ‘heist film’ sort of scene where they flip the board and suddenly reveal what was going on.

Wesley Dodds: The Sandman #2: as this is the first Rossmo title I've seriously read, I am appreciating his art and I think getting used to it on a title where I don't have strong feelings about the characters involved will stand me in good stead.

World's Finest: Teen Titans #5: I’ve got to say, I love that the cover is a scene only tangentially related to the plot. Classic silver age vibes. This scene does not occur.

Wally! Love your snark, kid.

Garth! Surfing on/in Wally’s speed wake!

Also Dick finally decided reveal his ID.

Warlord #26: this week in Travis Morgan's adventures... DEIMOS IS BACK! Hello, Deimos! Planning to slink around evilly, are you?

Excitingly, Travis gets to fight a two-headed snake necked dragon this issue. Unfortunately this does not result in any bondage. Missed opportunity there, Grell!

This issue we are in a hidden maze temple, where they have to break apart an amulet and fit the pieces into rock niches to illuminate the way via the light bouncing. It is a VERY gaming dungeon sort of plot. However as each piece is fitted, a vision occurs. Travis is directed in how this works by a talking parrot. (A normal one, not an anthropomorphic one)

Travis sees visions of Tara but she's blaming him for betraying her, and given she was staring into a river and sighing over how much she loved and missed him last issue I think we can safely say this is a false vision. (All the visions say nasty things that mostly are guilt nightmares)

Once the maze is complete, Travis is offered the chance to gain his 'heart's desire' by stepping into the light (which has been causing all the terrible visions)

And Travis' wants to start over...so he gets transported back in time (to what looks like Neanderthal times but this IS Skartaris, it could just be last Tuesday)

[daddysfangirls-marvel]

Scars (23)

Chapter 23- Uninvited

Warning: fluff, hint of angst

With a drink in hand and face on neutral, Loki sat in the farthest corner of the room in the shadows. Tony decided to throw a last-minute celebration party they had finally got what they were looking for. Loki did not want to attend this party, but Tony insisted, saying, "You've got nothing better to do" At that moment, Loki wanted to retort, " Your daughter," but thought better of it and for the first time in forever the silver tongue remained stilled.

Now standing off alone, Loki wished he had given another excuse. The hate in the room was invisible, but one could sense it and know where it was directed. Loki felt out of place as he listened to everyone converse and laugh around him. He was uncomfortable. He didn't want to be here he wanted to he upstairs curled up with Alice watching her annoying Disney movies.

Alice was not allowed at the party or to leave her apartment, for that matter. " Too many people," Tony said.

Loki felt guilt for being here he knew she could hear the part from her room. " Can I join your pity parade?" Bucky said taking a seat

"No" Loki said, he was ignored.

Bucky sipped his beer " You're upset Alice isn't here" Loki lost his composure for a moment, just a moment, but the moment was enough for Bucky. " You're alright. I'm no snitch. I think it's kind of sweet. You being there for her putting all the bad away to just keep her company when no one else can ... or will. She doesn't deserve to be alone"

Bruce took a seat on the other side of Loki, water in hand. Loki glared at him.

"He didn't tell me anything I found out on my own." Bruce was now regretting sitting down " Security cameras. Tony is not as vigilant as he has brainwashed Alice to think he is." Loki took one look at his drink and tossed it back he put the glass down on the coffee table in front of them.

"Why?" He could understand Dr.Banner, he was Kind to Loki on account of Alice's physical and mental health. But why was Sergeant Barnes helping Loki, why was he allowing him near Alice. He could see on angel as to which he'd benefited from. What did he truly want?

To receive kindness of any kind was rare for Loki, aside from him brother, Any kindness he did receive always benefited someone else. The Avengers were Kind enough to let Loki stay on earth in exchange for community services, and Thor threatened to Leave for good as well. Dr. Banner remained kind because it affect Alice who he was taking care of in secret.

Thanos so generously picked Loki from the void, he brainwashed and tortured him. So Gods forgives him for not believing in just pure kindness.

"What do you want?" Loki asked, taking his Asgardian to meld out this human booze wasn't doing it for him.

"Why do I have to want something?"

"Because everyone wants something. Especially from the gods. what god better to ask than the one at your mercy"

"I don't want anything from you. And as much as you want me to I don't hate you either"

"Bruce sighed, putting a hand on his shoulder " I pity you". He pitied him. The man that represented self-pity its self-pitied him. Dear god, how had he gotten so low. The pity was pitying him. Loki took a long swig of his meld.

"I'm helping because... You could do good if someone leads you to that good. ANd I believe Alice is leading you to that good. So, who am I to stop her? She's a good girl and you haven't hurt her yet. So don't, don't make me regret this." Bucky looked Loki directly in the eye... until it got awkward than funny. Then all three of them started talking like they were friends they weren't enemies, they weren't frenemies, they were just friends in that moment.

Of course, others gave them strange Looks seem the strange three of the team conversating and laughing together. Feeling uncomfortable the three moved outside to the balcony. " The world's greatest misfit greatest bad guys together," Bruce said

"Explain," Bucky demanded.

" The Hulk doesn't have many fans. Destroying many cities and countries. I've fucked up everywhere I've gone. You, Sergeant Barnes, have rearranged history with the many politicians you've been made to kill. And Loki wrecked New York and introduced the world to aliens in the worst way possible." Bruce leans on the Balcony looking down "We've all done bad things, really bad things and we're here doing good now. Of course, we have different reasons, but we're doing good."

"My reason is Steve... I... I love him. He's my reason for staying and doing good instead of running off to end it." Bucky smiled, looking down at his hands. He loved Steve more than he probably should, he defiantly loved Steve more than Steve loved him, or so he assumed.

"Well, my reason is right up there," Loki pointed up. Bruce and Bucky looked up to see the glass floor of the next balcony. They could see a bundle of blankets on the floor wrapped up in Alice as she lay with her cheek pressed to the glass she appeared to be sleeping. They both smiled.

"Are you okay, Darling?" Loki called up to her she lifted her hand and looked down at them smiling Loki smiled up at her " What are you doing up there?"

"Listening to the party. Watching you" SHe said just loud enough for them to hear.

"Why don't you get out of this cold. I'll meet you in your room in a moment" She eagerly nodded before getting up and rushing to her room. " Gentlemen, if you'll excuse me"

"We'll make up an excuse for you, go ahead" Bruce waved Loki off and watched as he snuck his way out of the party. Bruce looked around the crowd and found Steve and Sam playing pole and Natasha by the bar.

" Everyone's happy right now. There's no problem... just calm"

"You're jinxing us," Bucky said looking down at the city "We're having a peaceful moment, and you're painting it out which means something going to come and wash the colors away. Something bad is going to happen now. Therefore jinxing us"

"Oh so you're superstitious" Bruce laughed

"We have two literal Gods inside, and now you want to test faith. The last time I tempted faith this made I ended up draft to war, became a prisoner of war, found out my best let a scientist prob him then joined willing himself, came to terms with my gayness, and then fell off a train"

" That's... a rough sequence of events"

"Indeed"

The two remained and had a pity party on the balcony.

-

Her sleeves were pulled up, and she traced the faded scars on her arms, unaware of Loki's presence. Alice looked up as the bed dipped there was all dressed up in an all-black tux she reached up, pulling him down to lay with her. He pulled her closer and put her leg over his hip.

"How was the party?" she whispered, running a hand through his hair he hummed at the feeling.

"Boring uncomfortable, nobody wanted me there. I didn't want me there either. So I uninvited myself and came to join you" Loki gave her a small peck on the lips " You're much more entertaining"

Alice giggled as Loki began to kiss her all over, making sure all exposed skin was loved. They were just enjoying each other in silence as strangers danced to the music below. Both of them would take this over any party.

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[mrssimply]

If your still taking prompts, Kerry x V x Johnny, angst/fluff prompt 84? Makes me think of the Temperance end

Anon, whoever you are, this comes from the bottom of my heart: THANK YOU!

'Cause every time I got a prompt I was like "so they want Kerry x Johnny, Johnny x V, Kerry x V but NO ONE WANT THE THREE OF THEM TOGETHER? HOW?!"

And then there was your prompt ahah. Thank You!

Erm. SO.

I slipped (again) with that one. I swear to you all, the last two will be shorter! But this one is long, is weird, is self-indulgent. I don't even know what happened...

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Hope you'll still like it, because you were right anon, it does feel like the temperance ending, but here we are not doing that, because it's sad, so we're doing the happy ending where they are both alive, yay!!!

Doesn't mean it's all fun, glitter and roses. Nope. I kinda made Kerry suffer a lot before it gets better, prepare yourself.

I know, I'm babbling, but I'm just super extra nervous with this one.

Well, here we go... (It was only proof-read once, will go back over it tomorow I think. I just needed to publish it before I lost my nerves).

Ceci est ma dernière symphonie.

This is my last symphony.

That night, Kerry didn’t sleep at all. He kept replaying the conversation in his head. V had sounded strange, faraway… Desperate. It had echoed like a farewell and at the moment, Kerry hadn’t wanted to acknowledge that. For there was no denying it: it had been a goodbye call.

Afterward, he had tried calling V’s holo several times, to no avail. And thus, the vigil had started. A night keeping watch over the city, waiting for any strange movement. He had kept scrolling through his social medias, kept streaming over the news channels, even called Nancy. But nothing.

The city had been as calm as it could get.

Around five in the morning, as Kerry was really descending into a frenzied state between alcohol, drugs and anxiety, movement had started over the media feeds of his social apps.

Reports of a single man storming the Arasaka Tower in a killing spree. A strange ripple of fear ran through the net as Arasaka’s stocks started to plummet, bringing others with them as they crashed to the ground. Kerry even received a notification from his bank account with sad news about several invests he didn’t know he had. An hour later, the news reels were having a field day trying to piece together what had happened. Until a wave of panic fell upon them when Netwatch reported a massive breach in the Black Wall.

Kerry watched all this with a growing feeling of numbness, and it was not due to either the drinks or the drugs. It was due to the fact that although footage showed a man coming in, no camera had recorded him getting out. In a distant part of his mind, Kerry recognized that there were no cameras left online near the tower to record it, but the anxiety clouded that thought, leaving only dread. An all-consuming anguish that was turning his vision black and his breathing short.

A day turned into three, that turned into a week, with still no news of V, or Johnny for that matter. Because, as Kerry’s anxiety calmed down (thanks to the new prescription pills his doc had given him after Trauma team had stormed the house under the alert of a heart attack), he came to the conclusion that whatever had happened in the tower had probably settled V and Johnny’s situation. For better or for worse.

And frankly, Kerry wasn’t sure what to hope for. There had been… A comfort… To having both V and Johnny nearby him. So different, but also very similar in ways that called to Kerry’s soul. They were like a perfect song: a balance between to ages, two parts of himself, a beginning and an end all at once. But now, none of them were here and Kerry… slipped.

---

He threw himself in the album with abandon. Kovachek had been mysteriously replaced by someone else after the boat incident and Kerry’s manager was now a woman named Legendre. She was as cold as marble on the outside, but Kerry soon discovered that she was at least as passionate as him.

She pushed him through the creative process with little regard for his health, but none of them cared when she was literally helping him deliver the last work of his life. The best, the brightest, the endgame album. After that, Kerry knew, there would be no more music left in him. Ever.

His house became a mess again, cluttered by stims, empty inhalers, bottles of countless and priceless alcohol, papers, guitar strings, amps of various size and pads. Sometimes, Legendre thought about bringing food, but even when she did, Kerry found he had little appetite.

Music was consuming him. But in the midst of creation at least, Johnny and V had no place. They were blissfully absent when he composed the last songs, even though every word, every note dripped with love for them, with pain about their absence. With the bitter taste of having touched a love so bright twice in his life only for it to be ripped away from him too soon.

---

“This was the last one,” Legendre said, one afternoon at the studio. They were seating in the tech room, having just finalized the mix. Kerry exhaled softly. His hands trembled with the need for a smoke, of with the emotions these words unleashed inside him, or with the tiredness he felt. He was weary and for the first time in a long time, felt his age deeply.

Legendre had dark bags under her eyes, but her smile was manic, and her gaze feverish.

“This is a masterpiece, Kerry.” She added while the technician saved the final file. “The only thing we need is a name.”

Kerry got up, fighting the wave of dizziness and the nausea that filled him. He tried to aim for the door, but didn’t even make it there. He fell.

---

Nothing screamed alone louder that waking-up in a hospital room with only your manager and another representative of the label at your side. Or maybe worse was the fact they were arguing about him.

“He is in no condition to do any of that,” Legendre hotly declared.

“Well, it’s in his contract so he is doing it anyway.” The man replied. Kerry vaguely knew him. He was the man behind his tours. Name was Rumayan or something.

“Have you seen the state he is in?” Kerry’s manager retorted, her heels clicking on the white floor.

“A state you let him slip into, Anna. I know your style; you push them too deep and now, look at him! He was never the most balanced of them but this is a brand-new level of pathetic.”

If he could feel anything under the haze of the medical drugs and his own heartache, Kerry would probably feel angered and hurt at that comment. As it was, he just swallowed, metaphorically and physically, and forced his eyes open.

“And I made him produce his best album ever. You know I’m efficient. This is even better than Second Conflict and you know it.”

“The thing, Anna, is not to make them produce their best work at the cost of killing them. It’s to make them produce. A lot. Regularly.”

Kerry couldn’t help but chuckle internally: this man was an asshole of epic proportion. It seemed even Legendre was stunned because she didn’t reply.

“Get him back in shape, he goes on tour in two months. And I don’t want him looking like he already has a foot in his grave.” Was the cold instruction. Then, there was the sound of flat heels over pristine floor, a door opening and then closing before silence filled the room.

Legendre sighed and turned toward him. She couldn’t help her surprise when she saw him awake.

“So?” Kerry rasped, “Think you can make me sing my last symphony?”

---

It became the name of the album.

Rumayan pulled a face at the name, muttering under his breath that it better not be the last one for real, but both Kerry and Legendre knew it would be. There was to be a last performance, a grand finale to mark the end of his career and his life. And then he would… Join them, wherever they were.

Because four months after the Arasaka attack, there was little doubt left in Kerry’s mind: They had both perished under that tower. If they had accomplished anything while doing so, it was to cause mayhem over the city and the world. It was true that they had made an empire crumble, and several other vacillate with just the strength of one man, and two souls. Heroes among men, but mortal all the same.

They were his shadows and the light that chased them away. Without them, there was really no point. Not anymore. He had battled the feeling for fifty years, made peace with that. The past was not the problem. The problem was the future, and more precisely, the absence of any meaningful one. No reason to go on.

Legendre and an army of experts at the label put Kerry back on his feet. He gathered from his manager familiarity with the rest of the staff that it wasn’t her first rodeo. He looked at her with new understanding as they weighed him and commented on everything from the color of his eyes to the size of his cock. Her eyes were imperturbable, unrelenting, unapologetic. This is the price to pay, they seemed to say. And Kerry laughed. He knew that price so intimately he felt like it was etched in his bones. But never before had it come with such humiliation.

The so called “experts” were very borderline: solicitous to the point of being intrusive and gentle to the point of being infantilizing. But for all that, they were efficient: two months later, he was on his feet. They had hollowed him out: they changed his voice implant, replaced his liver and lungs, and gave him the last Kiroshis on the market. They micro-managed his wardrobe, his make-up, his hair-cut until they deemed him ready for his last tour. He went through the motions like a robot, under Legendre hawk-like gaze.

---

As per tradition, the tour ended in Night-City for a small venue concert. The label did this as an occasion to invite their commercial partners and benefactors as well as the share-holders. It allowed them to be closer to the chosen artist, and Kerry was by contract obligated to spend time with them. The “experts” had done a fine job: when he looked at himself in the mirror, he even looked like his old self, pre-V. Only he knew that under the make-up, his skin was pallid, and that his clothes barely hid how thin he had become. Making him eat had become the staff’s personal challenge, and Kerry was not playing easy at that game: it was the last thing he had control over.

It really felt like a deal with the devil, when he looked back on it. Because there was no denying the success of the album, of the tour, and even Kerry couldn’t help but feeling proud at the work. If it hadn’t come with such price.

The concert itself wasn’t so bad, because being on stage felt like rebirth every time. A fleeting moment where his soul restarted. Kerry was in the middle of the former to last song when the play of lights on stage allowed him a fleeting vision of the back of the room. It was so fast that Kerry thought he had hallucinated it (wouldn’t have been the first time). But then it happened again, making him lose the lyrics for a moment. He recovered on the next stanza, catching the warning look of his drummer of the day from the corner of his eyes.

But there was a third occurence and this time, Kerry’s heart skipped a beat or two. He stopped playing all together, forcing the rest of the musicians to take over in an impro, trying to salvage the show. The song ended like this, before Kerry could reconcentrate. When silence and darkness fell upon the room, he walked backward and didn’t make three steps before Legendre grip on his arm caught him.

“What the fuck, Kerry?”

“Light the back of the room,” he replied.

“What?!”

“Light the back of the room,” he repeated louder, tone brokering no argument as his heart cantered.

They only had seconds before it would become obvious this was not part of the show to the audience. Legendre’s eyes glowed and a second later, a single spot lit the back of the room.

And here they were. Both of them, casually leaning against the bar, drinks in hand. Like they hadn’t disappeared for nearly a year, like Kerry hadn’t nearly died of heartache thinking they were dead, like they had no care in the world and were just enjoying a casual evening as friends… or more.

Breathing harshly, he went back to his spot on stage and nodded to indicate he was ready. The lights shut down at the back of the room and came back over him. He smiled into the mic.

“Alright everyone, it’s been a pleasure but I’ll have to cut this short because…”

But the words chocked him. Anger, fury, rage filled him so suddenly it made him dizzy.

“Something came up and I…” But he just couldn’t continue, eyes riveted to the corner where he had spotted them. They were gone.

“Sorry,” he breathed in the mic before dropping it. He barely took the time to put his guitar gently against one of the amps before he was striding fast across the stage.

Legendre gripped him once again, but with a sudden bout of strength, he disentangled himself from her.

“What the fuck, Eurodyne?!” she hissed, following him.

Kerry started to run, pushing through the staff that tried to impede him.

“Stop him!” he heard Legendre shout out as he rounded a corner and jumped over a flight of stairs. “Fucking stop him!” She screamed again when she had him back in sight and saw he was close to the backstage entrance.

He burst through it, only to feel arms catch him around the stomach.

“Let me go!” he struggled, throwing his elbow back into whoever was holding him. The man grunted but only tightened his hold. Suddenly another was here, taking his arm in a vice and Kerry howled out of frustration and pain.

“Let me GO!” he hollered, using the first man’s hold on him to gain leverage. He sent his booted feet into the second assailant’s stomach, making him release his wrist before he tried to punch the first one in the face.

Legendre clicking heels could be heard getting closer, and it brought a sudden panic into Kerry. They couldn’t hold him like this, he was a free man! But the realization of his position dawned on him as the second bouncer recovered. Kerry was well and truly trapped, both physically and metaphorically. The urge to cry was overwhelming, as well as the sensation of despair that was progressively taking hold of him.

They had been there. So close. He had seen them.

“Let me go, please,” he begged, voice small and pleading as the fight left him. He sagged in his captor’s arms and turned back to where Legendre was fast approaching. Her face was deformed by rage, and Kerry wondered how he could have ever trusted her.

But then suddenly she halted and froze like the rest of the staff following her. The bouncer holding Kerry stiffened and the musician watched as his manager and her team slowly rose their arms up.

He turned back to the door and lost his breath. Standing in the doorway was V, gun raised and attitude relaxed. He even had a small smile on his lips, but his clear eyes were cold and assessing as he looked at Legendre. Kerry distantly noted that he looked pale, and thinner, like a man recovering from a long sickness. And behind him, defying all odds, was Johnny. He was casually leaning against the doorframe, metal hand loosely holding his gun. He had a new arm, and his hair was shorter, sporting a white stripe in the midst of his black locks.

“Release him,” V pronounced, voice barely above a whisper. But the effect was immediate. The bouncer let him go. Visibly, this was above his paygrade, or he could read the intent in V’s eyes as clearly as Kerry.

“Who the fuck do you think you are?!” Legendre exclaimed behind; hands still raised but taking a step closer.

V’s gun clicked when he took the safety off and aimed right between her eyes. She froze again, jaw tickling. But Kerry didn’t see it. His eyes were rivetted on Johnny holding out his flesh arm to him, calling him forward.

Still half-believing this was a dream, Kerry put his hand in Johnny’s, thumb brushing over the snake tattoo. He gasped when they made contact.

“You’re really there,” Kerry breathed, voice tight. Johnny didn’t reply, only pulled him through the door.

“Count to a hundred before any of you move.” V indicated before walking backward to follow them.

---

They made their way to the Porsche. The fucking car was casually parked in front of the club, illegally stationed in wait for them. Johnny pushed Kerry to the back seat before taking the wheel and putting his foot on the floor the moment V had closed the passenger’s door.

Then there was a moment of stunned silence in the car, where Kerry sorted through his emotions, or tried to.

“The fuck?” he finally muttered as they made their way through the city at high speed.

V glanced back at him but didn’t say anything, so Kerry frowned.

“What. The. Fuck?! V?!” he insisted, and saw them exchange a look before V sighed and leaned back against his seat.

“We’re taking you somewhere safe, then we will talk.”

“Oh no,” Kerry replied darkly, “no, no, no, you’re gonna start talking right now!”

“Told you.” Johnny muttered, and then they seemed to have and entire conversation with just looks. It made Kerry mad and jealous at the same time. The dark emotions rolled through him like thunder and exploded before he could reign it in.

“WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?! WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN?!”

Johnny stopped the car, and Kerry distractively saw they were near a Captain Caliente. The one he had come to with V after blowing the US Crack’s trunk. Johnny got out of the car, followed by V. Incensed by their silence, Kerry nonetheless followed them and went to sit with V while Johnny took their order.

The musician used that moment to let his eyes roam over his lover, but there was absolutely no space for relief at the moment, so consumed he was with rage. V’s eyes, however, expressed such a profound relief, happiness and devotion that for a second, Kerry felt his anger recede. But then, the man raised a hand to his cheek and tried to touch him. Kerry slapped the hand away, fury rising again.

V looked rightly chastised, and his gaze dropped downward, hands tightening over the table top.

“Ker,” he started, “I know you’re angry, but you gotta listen, ok?” he gently pronounced.

“You think I’m angry?!” Kerry hissed, “I’m fucking pissed, I… I’m beyond furious its… I could kill you if I wasn’t so – “

But he cut himself, not wanting to admit the deeper feeling he was experiencing. Johnny took that moment to come seat himself next to V, facing Kerry. He put the three steaming cups in front of them.

“We don’t have a lot of time, this manager of yours is even crazier that the last one.” Johnny declared and Kerry made a face at that; he couldn’t help but agree. He took his cup, raised it to his lips to smell it. The scent of organic coffee calmed him somewhat.

“Then I suggest you fucking start talking,” he groused.

With yet another silent exchange, V opened his mouth.

“When we stormed the tower – “

“When you,” Kerry interrupted, “When you stormed the tower, V.”

The merc glanced at Johnny before nodding.

“Ok, when I stormed the tower, it gave Alt access to the inner framework. While she was disabling the security, she found out that Saburo had been collecting bodies, along with souls. Like trophies.”

Kerry looked at Johnny, who nodded.

“Mine was here among the rest. Without the arm. That part was true, Smasher did get rid of it in the oilfields, as a decoy.”

And now that he was looking at him more precisely, Kerry could see the faint ages line on Johnny’s body. Cryogenic hadn’t completely stopped the process of time over his body, but it certainly had slowed it down enough. He looked about forty. The arm was silver metal, sleeker and more realistic that the previous one. It looked like a good model. Probably custom made.

“It was far from a walk in the park, Ker. We nearly didn’t make it out.” V continued after running his hands tiredly over his face. Just looking at him, Kerry felt a bone-deep weariness. The kid looked terribly exhausted. “Because, as you can imagine, getting a body out of cryo takes times. So in reality, we had to call Rogue to extract the whole pod containing Johnny’s body. While she made her way to us, we got to Mikoshi and Alt separated us. And put me back in my own brain.” V finished.

His tone was flat, matter-of-fact, and his eyes sad. Next to him, Johnny bumped shoulders with him, making the merc turn and smile at the resurrected rocker.

When he had met V through Johnny, Kerry had gathered that baring difficult beginnings, they had actually gotten along fine. There had been an “incident” which they didn’t talk about, but apart from this, they had developed a strong relationship. So strong that sometimes, Kerry didn’t really know where he stood between them.

And know, he felt even more removed from them since he could actually see how Johnny acted with V. Crossing his arms, he leaned back into the seat and tried to ignore the ache he felt looking at them. He should be used to heartbreak by now, but the sensation was always new, and always so fucking painful.

“Ok, so you got out of Mikoshi,” Kerry started, voice tight as he battled the ugly sensations rising inside him: jealousy, anger, pain. “And then what?”

Again, they exchanged a look that seemed to convey so much, too much.

“Then Rogue took us to the Aldecaldos, who then smuggled us out of NC.” V declared; tone carefully neutral.

Then there was a moment of silence as Kerry processed it, trying to calm his breathing, to calm his emotions.

“Were you so far into the desert you had no network?” Kerry groused and both men facing him stiffened. V’s eyes took on a slightly panicked expression, but Johnny rolled his eyes upward and Kerry could distinctively hear him mutter “Here we go, the drama queen…”

It ignited Kerry.

“DRAMA QUEEN?! FUCK YOU JOHNNY!” he screamed out, and the rare patrons in the coffee shop turned to them. V glared at them before turning to Kerry.

“Ker, please, I know you’re angry, you’ve got every right to be but please calm down, we can’t cause a scene.”

“I’ll fucking cause a scene if I want, V!” he hissed back, slapping the younger man’s hand away once again when V tried to take his wrist. “I thought you were dead!” he continued, and felt pin-pricks at the back of his eyes. “For a year… I mourned you,” He glanced at Johnny: “I mourned you again,” he added and tears started pouring from his eyes, impossible to stop though he really wished to.

Kerry didn’t want to see the pity in their eyes. With rageful movements, he wiped the tears from his face and looked to the side. He itched for a cigarette, of something stronger. Anything that could help him numb the pain he felt.

They stayed silent after that. From the corner of his eyes, Kerry could tell they were nervous, even Johnny who was better than V at playing aloof.

“Why didn’t you just call me?” he muttered, when the tears had stopped.

V caught his head in his hands and sighed, shoulders low. Johnny eyed him and seemed to come to the conclusion that the younger man couldn’t be counted on to answer that.

“I advised against.” The rocker simply declared. He looked at his old friend, the first, the dearest and his eyes tried to convey the honesty of his intentions.

“Why?” Kerry croaked.

“Because V was still dying.”

Silence ringed in Kerry’s ears.

“What?” he uttered, looking at the merc. But said man kept his head in his hands, only gripping his skull tighter. So Kerry turned to Johnny once more.

“Alt separating us meant she made an engram of V. Just like me. But the biochip had changed V’s body too much. It was basically my body now.”

And wasn’t that truly ironic? Of course, Johnny Silverhand would end up with two bodies for the price of one, courtesy or Arasaka. The unfairness of the situation incensed Kerry even more: Johnny always took too much.

Before he could comment on that however, Johnny continued.

“Putting V’s engram back in his head was one thing, but his body basically treated his mind like a cancer. Alt gave him six months to live.”

Alarm shone in Kerry’s eyes and he turned to V in a whiplash.

“As you can see, he is still alive. But that’s a very recent development.” Johnny added, playing with his now empty coffee cup.

“We went looking for a cure. That’s why we didn’t come back right away. That’s why we – I didn’t call. Didn’t want to give you false hope.” V whispered, head still hidden.

Heart beating fast, Kerry tried to process the news and organize his thoughts so he could address the most pressing issue.

“You’re not dying anymore?” he asked the merc, who, at last, raised his head. A small tired smile painted itself on his lips.

“Looks like I’ll live.”

Kerry nodded, feeling the tide of emotions recede inside him.

“You’re here to stay for good?”

They both shifted uncomfortably with yet another silent exchange and Kerry wished they would stop doing this in front of him.

“That depends a lot on you, Ker.” Johnny finally declared, and the musician was surprised by the uncertainty in his tone.

Which prompted Kerry to wonder at that himself: what did he want from them now?

But before he could wonder at that, another question burned his lips.

“Are you fucking each other?” he blurted and covered his mouth with his hand the second after, because this was really not how he had wanted to broach the subject.

“Yes.” Johnny relied, elbows resting on the table as he looked at Kerry from over his crossed hands.

The old musician let out a shuddering breath and glanced at V. The man was looking so guilty and so uneasy it made Kerry want to slap him. Vicious anger filled him again, covering the ugly jealousy that had poured like poison inside his veins.

“You always have to do this to me, huh?” he hissed at Johnny. “Can’t let me have one thing for myself.”

Johnny had the gall to smile at that.

“You’re right. You know me, I’m a fucking parasite.” He paused, glancing at V who was leaning back in his chair, still not looking at Kerry. “I’m greedy and I want everything.” Johnny concluded with his trademark smirk and that made Kerry frown.

“Everything?” he repeated, looking at V.

The merc’s eyes fluttered to Kerry’s and he licked his lips in a nervous gesture his lover had seen him do often when they were together. He would do it right before hijacking a truck full of electronics, or when he loaded his gun… Or when his eyes filled with lust as Kerry kissed him.

“Kerry, I know I hurt you, and I get it if you want me to disappear from your life forever. I’ll do it. But that’s not what I want.” V tentatively started.

And at that moment, there was such tension in the room, Kerry swore even the barista behind the counter could feel it. The air was charged with their want, because now that he was calmer, Kerry could read the signs on Johnny as well. This was not just a reconciliation; it was a proposition.

“And what is it you want, then?” he breathed back at the merc.

V’s gaze darkened, taking on a stormy look that was half-desire and half-despair, like he couldn’t believe he was actually gonna get what he wanted. It was this look Kerry had fallen for, the first time. It still had the same effect on him today, it seemed.

“I want you.” And the confession was still sweet to hear, even if his gaze had said it even louder. “I want you both,” V amended. “Please.”

Kerry couldn’t help but laugh, a bit hysterically. V wasn’t playing fair with the begging. He could probably sense it because he trailed his hands on the table, gently reaching for Kerry’s hands still clutching his carton cup. And this time the musician let him, let V take his hands in his calloused ones. The touch was assured, if delicate. It made Kerry’s heart do things he thought were long forgotten.

“Please,” V repeated, “I’ve never stopped thinking about you, I did this for you, to come back to you, alive, heathy. So we could have time.”

“And yet… You couldn’t stay faithful to me.” Kerry retorted, but he admitted inwardly that this was pure spite. They had not promised each other anything actually, and exclusivity had not been part of his vocabulary since he had been twenty. Johnny had seen to that.

“Yes I did. My thoughts and my feelings stayed the same.” V defended himself, and his voice was getting stronger, like he could tell Kerry was one the verge of granting him the absolution he was seeking.

Next to V, Johnny watched the exchange with baited breath, and barely contained impatience. Kerry could feel him getting angsty and fidgety, even if outwardly it wasn’t showing. He just knew him that well.

“What Johnny and I experienced is just… We shared a brain. He was constantly with me for months.” V advocated again, “At the end, our thoughts were so intertwined I couldn’t tell them apart. His memories became mine and vice versa.” he tried to explain.

Kerry looked at their hands. His thumb moved over V’s in a gentle gesture. He had known, intellectually. He had actually experienced it, even if at the time he hadn’t dared ask for confirmation.

“We’re part of each other now,” Johnny concluded calmly, eyes fixed on his life-long friend with a new intensity.

Kerry looked at them both alternatively, feeling on the threshold of something of unknown proportion. And they waited for him to make up his mind. Or V did. Because the way Johnny looked at him said it all: he knew exactly how fast, how deep and how completely Kerry would fall.

Kerry glared at him, and Johnny gave him his signature roguish smile, raising an eyebrow at him like a challenge. And that was it.

“Ok,” the musician muttered, turning his gaze back to V.

The younger man’s expression perked endearingly.

“Really?”

Huffing a laugh, Kerry nodded.

“Really.”

“Great.” Johnny interrupted, tone laconic. “Now let’s delta before your crazy manager finds us.” And then he turned to V with a darkening gaze. “We’ll have to deal with that soon.”

Kerry barely registered it though, because now that the most pressing drama had been dealt with, another kind of emotion was taking over him: tentative hope and burgeoning happiness.

They got to their feet, V pulling Kerry behind him and went back to the Porsche. The musician felt like in a daze as his brain went through the event of the day, from his dashing escape to here. None felt real. But V’s warm hand holding his grounded him.

Once outside, Johnny sighed and stretched like a cat before taking a smoke out of his pocket. Letting go of V’s hand, Kerry commandeered one for himself. Johnny granted it graciously with a smirk. The nicotine hit settled Kerry’s nerves, bringing clarity with each exhale.

V watched them smoke, leaned against the car with arms crossed. There was something in his gaze that was as familiar as it was new. A desire of a new kind. It sent a shiver through Kerry, who glanced back at Johnny. The man’s attention was on him too, piercing dark eyes under half-dropped eyelids. Kerry knew that look, and couldn’t help but respond, tilting his head slightly backward, lips opening just a fraction as his whole body relaxed invitingly.

Johnny didn’t need more than that to act; he brought his metal hand over Kerry’s neck, thumb brushing the freckles covering his cheekbones and bent over him. The kiss was painfully familiar, and Kerry couldn’t help the sob-moan that escaped him as he ran his arms around Johnny’s shoulders, bringing him closer, deepening the embrace. Johnny’s hand tightened over his jaw, and his other arm encircled his waist, flushing their bodies together with a small groan.

Then, he felt other hands coming to frame his hips, and another body against his back. V deposited a kiss at the back of his neck, breath raising goosebumps on Kerry’s skin.

“You’re gonna let us make love to ya, Ker?” He whispered directly in the man’s ear in a whisper that felt like a sin.

Kerry gasped, breaking the kiss with Johnny, who smiled at him with half-opened eyes. His gaze dropped to his friend’s lips.

“Yeah,” Kerry breathed, unable to refuse.

This, Kerry thought, had been in the making since the day Johnny had stormed his place with another man’s face. V’s face. And from that moment, Kerry had dreamed about being right here. Only the impossibility of it had kept him from suggesting it, from even thinking about it.

“Come on, let’s delta.” Johnny repeated, but this time his voice was heavy with want. With a last small bite over Kerry’s neck, V disentangled them and opened the car door.

Johnny’s metal thumb brushed one last time over Kerry’s lips before he, too, went to the car.

And Kerry followed them.

Hey, look at that, I didn't write any seks! Well... at least on that version. The AO3 version will probably get its explicit rating, like all the others because... Well because I love writing smut. There is no other justification.

Edit: I Totally wrote the seks, you can find it here, 2nd chapter.

Link to the masterpost here, as usual.

[visualsymphony]

Two years I have managed to stay clear of it. I mask up in public places, for my own protection, for other's protection and I don't give a rat's ass if someone else doesn't like it. It's my choice to mask up. If you're offended by that then fuck right off. I stay my distance from other people. I'm not going to start shit with someone else because they choose not to wear a mask but I'm also not going to have someone come at me because of my choice TO wear one.

I have health issues that put me at risk.

I am vaccinated and boosted, and yet, somehow, I managed the weekend of sitting vigil at my dying Uncle's bedside to get COVID while at the hospital.

Thankfully I AM vaxxed as I cannot imagine how I'd have fared without that. I have not had MILD symptoms. I have had the full gamut of issues with fever, body aches, chills, fatigue, and having asthma, my breathing has been hit the hardest. I have coughing fits that make me feel like dying or fear I might. My ribs feel like someone has taken a baseball bat to them. The fever never was under 100 or 101 even with Tylenol and even after thinking I broke it finally on night 4, it returned sporadically on me yesterday.

I've had moments where I rally, seem okay, feel actually better and think, "Maybe I'm over the hump." Then I am up coughing up a lung all night long.

Today was the first day I was able to manage to work all day from home office, and it wiped me out. The fatigue and brain fog are just unbelievable. I will never take my health for granted, that is for sure.

I've heard people say, 'it's like the flu, or pneumonia'. Well fuck that. I've had both and they suck equally for someone with health issues. I've had the influenza strains and was NEVER this sick. Pneumonia had me this sick, and I thought I was gonna die when I had pneumonia, both times I had it.

For the lucky it's no worse than a head cold. My daughter thankfully is one of those. But that doesn't negate the effects of it on others or the fact it kills some. The fact you can't know how it will affect any given person is exactly what makes this disease dangerous. I've seen healthy people DIE from it. A 54-year-old coworker from my former job, perfectly healthy, DIED. One of my coworkers has lost two family members to it.

I start a new position a week from today. I got a promotion and hoping I can kick this shit before my first day.

It's everywhere here. Everyone on my teams at work, both old and new, has had it, has it or has someone in their family who has it. My daughter in law's day care where she is assistant director is shut down due to too many kids and staff having it. My entire family has had it or ended up with it recently, and none of us got it from each other save for my youngest daughter who lives with me, and she got it from me, despite my best efforts.

COVID burn out is real. We're all sick of it, of dealing with it, of hearing about it, and yet it's persistence in lingering shows me it's not going anywhere. This IS our new normal.

I won't go into the politics of it, or the arguments, or the theories etc. floating around out there because frankly that's my biggest part of COVID burnout is dealing with all that bullshit. People have forgotten how to be human, to be decent to each other and in the midst of all this, I can't deal with that bullshit either.

I just want to get over this and get on with living my own best life, so I can see my grandkids again, my sisters again, and maybe just maybe we'll be able to have a funeral/ memorial to honour the memory of my uncle someday soon.

[echo-three-one]

Chapter 36

THE ROAD SO FAR

The TEN Kilometer River

Gary "Roach" Sanderson

Site Hotel Bravo, Afghanistan

The moment Gary was tasked to pull the lever, he had no choice but to follow. Whatever was running in his Captain's mind must be of good reason. The alarm blared and the whole facility was placed on high alert as troops from everywhere started to act more vigilant.

They heard earlier that Gold Eagle would be on the move and the base was to be left to the scientists. Gary believes that Shepherd had no idea they're here, but why ring the alarm?

"Roach, follow me! I could see Shepherd's getaway from outside, we need to stop him!" He muttered, plowing through hordes of enemies that were also surprised to see them. Gary assisted in taking them down, as they moved slowly to the exit.

The trails of the huge plane were still visible when they exited, Price attempted to shoot the vehicle but it looked like it only made a few dents.

"Roach! Man that speedboat! We're chasing after them!" Price ordered. Gary nodded and they hurriedly descended the stairs on their way to the river.

But the enemies didn't know how to give up. Some of them rode jet skis while some of them had speed boats with them, all free riders targeting their weapons on Gary and Roach's vehicle.

Price lied down for cover, only peeking when he's free to shoot or when nobody else is shooting. It was a great tactic and Roach wanted to observe more of it, but he had to focus on the river.

His main target is the plane that's flying dangerously low on the ground, readying itself so Shepherd can jump and fly off to safety, but Price didn't want that to happen.

Whenever he saw Shepherd move from afar, he sprayed bullets to their direction making the general hide back to safety. It was a great stalling move but it didn't quite last long as the river expanded.

Shadow company guard posts were positioned on places where the elevation is quite high and Roach is forced to evade areas with patrols. This made Shepherd's plane angle differently, making it hard for Price to aim at them.

"Roach, we're losing him! Move faster!" Price yelled and Roach navigated them to Shepherd. They couldn't go any faster so the best option to build up speed is to go forward without bumping on to something. This was a river and they were going with the current, so it was a lucky thing.

The plane ascended and the duo was almost in shock that Shepherd made it through it was impossible.

"Sir! They're not yet escaping!" Roach yelled and pointed to the Plane that soared high to evade the ravine.

"A second chance!" Price muttered as Gary braced himself for a narrow river, they carefully maneuvered the narrow river all while evading Shadow Company as they filled both sides with men holding weapons.

Price used his grenade launcher to topple assembling troops by the ravine. Luckily, guard outposts contained explosive barrels adding an explosion upon impact, causing guards to fly across their outposts into the raging river.

Gary was all focused on the speedboat ahead of them, Shepherd must not escape.

"I'm on my last three rounds!" Price roared as he hid for cover while water splashed on them as bullets hit the river. Gary used one hand to toss his rifle, giving the Captain a fresh 10 rounds of grenades to be launched.

"Nice. Let's light these bastards up!" He cheered and shot the two speedboats pursuing after them, sending them to the air as their engines exploded.

"Hell yeah!" Gary cheered as they exited the cave, the plane once again descended as the area became open for exfil once again. By this time, Price only had 8 rounds to distract their escape.

In hopes for the engine to rev more, Gary squeezed his grip tighter as he heard the engine struggle giving them the maximum speed possible.

"Let's end this." Price mouthed, Gary barely heard his Captain but he knew what it meant.

Their boat speeded up quite faster than he had imagined as they were quickly catching up to the extraction. And as soon as they were close, Price fired the launcher at the huge plane, the explosion toppled the three vehicles sending them to the raging river.

Gary quickly ascended to the surface as soon as he dipped on the water, helplessly swimming against the current, down toward a high waterfall. The last thing he could remember was the impact on the ground, a loud crash towards the water before he lost consciousness.

The next thing Roach knew was that he was coughing up river water by the shore, his vision slowly recovered as he looked beyond him. Not far from him was black smoke he assumed that came from the crashed plane.

He struggled to crawl his way to the site, slowly getting up and limping, exhaling a heavy sigh.

He needed to hurry as the sandstorm started to brew up and might obstruct his already blurry vision.

A few more steps. Gary thought to himself as he felt the adrenaline rush, causing him to stand up and endure all the pain of the landing. A temporary boost to finish the fight. From the distance, he already spotted his target, leaning on a broken car, also catching up with his breath.

He carefully approached the General and tried to constrain him by grabbing on his arms, but he never expected the man to be aware of his presence. With one swift swing of his arm on Gary's throat, he found himself choking and gasping for air as he kicked him off, sliding against the sandy ground.

"What is your deal with me!" He growled, grabbing a knife by his pocket and approached Roach, who was still catching up with his breath.

"I did my very best to keep you out of my business, but you really have to find me? For what? Justice?!" Shepherd knelt on Roach's side, raising his hand and stabbed Roach by the chest. Even with the shortness of breath, Roach exhaled longer that he'd expected.

"Shit." he muttered, gasping as Shepherd dug the knife deeper while Roach tried to prevent him from doing so, this couldn't be the end of the line for him. He still wanted to live. There are many more things he could do.

"This is what you get for foiling my plans. I wasn't teaming up with Nero. I was trying to gain the upper hand. And your death could serve as a lesson for everyone in your squad to double check all intel before jumping into battle." He almost chuckled just before a figure sent him flying away from Roach.

This took Roach the moment to endure all pain as he pulled off the knife, blood sputtered from the deep gash on his chest as he quickly stopped the pressure with his hand. He wanted to live. He must survive this injury.

His head lazily leaned to the battle beside him. Price and Shepherd were engaged in hand to hand combat, overpowering one another. They looked very even and if that was the case, Roach wouldn't be alive to see the end of their battle. He blinked and as soon as he opened his eyes once again, Price was already pinned down as Shepherd gave him a heavy beating, taking advantage of his position. Roach felt the ground shook as the two also were distracted. This gave Price the chance to strike back and knock him off on top of him as he struggled to get up.

Neither one was willing to give up their cause and it was such a shame that it was all some sort of messed up misunderstanding, but nevertheless, Shepherd was still wrong. He knew full well that exchanging the IP Address for an advantage placed the world at more risk than it already had.

Roach's ears grumbled as the ground heated up. The rocket already launched and was on it's way to wherever the fuck Shepherd wanted it ro go. Did Alex and Jack not make it? Gary wondered as he leaned back to Shepherd, who was now pinned and tied on the ground. Soap already tied him up while Price approached Roach.

"Can you get up?" Price asked as he lifted Roach up and helped apply pressure to his wounds.

"Hang in there Roach. You can do this!" His words of encouragement were the last words he heard, as after those exact words, the sky turned white and a loud ringing noise filled the desert sky. Alex and Jack did it. They successfully detonated their charges.

The next thing Roach knew was he was already in a chillier place, his back was on a softer platform and the sky was nothing but a swinging lamp.

Everything else was painful as he tried to get up and failed. It seemed like he could only move his bed. He leaned to his left and saw only a white wall while his right side was two more beds where Alexandra and Ghost slept.

Alexandra. She was alive. Roach couldn't help but chuckle at the idea of her surviving. Turns out his optimism was useful this time.

He looked at his chest as the slow rising and falling of his breathing urged him to check on it. He was wrapped in bandages that were still red from the blood and it also looked like he was given a few bags. He was thankful that he made it out of that situation and he was given yet another chance to live again.

"Glad to see you're awake." Soap said as he entered the room, with a bag of frozen peas on his forehead.

Roach wanted to thank him, but he couldn't say any word yet. Any effort of doing something only resulted in pain.

"In case you're wondering. What you did out there was fruitful. Shepherd gave us the bomb maker's name. He called him Volt. Honestly the puns aren't suitable for villains, but he chose well." Soap commented, trying to cheer up the fellow sargeant.

Guess Shepherd already gave up. And he was glad he did. Because somewhere deep inside his mind, Gary believed that Shepherd slightly hesitated on his stab. If he was serious enough, he might've been dead now.

This meant that the key to ending this war is now solely upon the death of Nero.

Next Chapter : The NINE Engines

Notification Squad my Beloved

@smokeywhalee @enderio @samatedeansbroccoli @ricinbach @whimsywispsblog @bumblingbee1

(feel free to pm me to sub or unsub on notif squad)

[mystery-salad]

I'm half asleep and can't think of any characters off the top of my head so you can choose but #17 blease. "Nothing is wrong with you."

Oh man I know exactly what I wana do here let’s see if I can get my first piece for Kai out. It’ll be a bit of a time lapse through Icebrood Saga.

“Nothing is wrong with you.”

Arms crossed and arched upright, Kai stared down at her teammate locked in the cell. “Figured my warning to stay alert was taken seriously, turns out I was wrong.”

Braham’s gaze wavers, but to his credit he doesn’t look away. More determination than Kai had expected from him for a while. “I’ve bailed you out, but if this happens again Eirsson you’re on your own and the team moves out regardless.” It earns her an elbow from Caithe at her side and a mumble of being too hard on the guy, but she elects to ignore that for now. He needed to learn the gravity of the situation and she’s been on edge enough without setting foot in a jail she would’ve likely ended up in herself if she had any other job.

“Just grab your shit and lets go.” She unlocks the cell before tossing the keys back onto the warden’s desk, stepping back enough for Braham to pass her and grab his belongings. Burn her, she hopes he didn’t have that bow on him-

“Uh...where’s my bow?” He sounded as on edge as she felt now, asking the warden about it.

“Fuck...”

—————————

She was already uneasy following the commands of another charr again, even if Almorra herself hadn’t touched the legions since leaving to start the Vigil. The call just...rubbed her fur the wrong way.

Turns out, standing in the middle of a keep strewn with dead bodies, her hunch was unfortunately correct.

“Alva. She was...she was one of my guild mates.”

Kai felt a twinge at that, one she elected steadfastly to buckle down on. The past isn’t a place to dwell when the present holds danger. “Keep steady Eirsson. They’re just bodies now, and we’ve got a job to do. Enemy could still be close.”

“...I did...I failed them.” She turned to look at Braham when it was clear he wasn’t hearing her, spotting him kneeled over the crumpled body of, presumably, Alva. Poor girl looked around his age...young.

Shaking her head, Kai strode quickly over to him and put a paw on his shoulder. “We have to keep focused Eirsson. Stay on task. You can mourn after the threat is neutralized.”

He met her gaze again, wavering less but far more unsure, before he gave a nod and stood to continue on. A motion that was interrupted by the sudden sound of a door slamming open in the silence.

“Look. It...it opened.”

—————————

“They...how is this...they betrayed Almorra and Jhavi...killed all those people...”

She let out a frustrated huff as she turned to Braham. “Who are you talking about, the sons of svanir? We already knew that mu-”

“My guildmates...” she could hear the strain in his voice as he said it, and felt that twinge again. And pushed it down again.

“...come on, we need to keep moving.”

—————————

“Wait... Braham Vowbreaker? Raven led you here?”

“Vowbreaker?”

Kai hadn’t met Jhavi before now, had no idea what to make of the apparent legendary daughter. But she wasn’t a fan of how familiar this conversation felt. The twinge was back and getting harder to ignore.

“Oh didn't you know?” Olar, she presumed, stepped closer to the team. To Braham. “That's what they call you in the Shiverpeaks now.”

Burn me...

“I...I own my mistakes, Olar. Now it's your turn.” To his credit, the kid wasn’t shaking. He stood his ground better than she expected given what he’d just been told. But this wasn’t the time for it.

Putting a hand on his shoulder again, she gave Braham a firm pull. “Stand down and step back Eirsson.”

She could see a familiar fire in his eyes as he opened his mouth to defy her. The twinge snapped, and her claws dug into his shoulder hard enough to draw blood as she growled. “I said stand the fuck down Braham!”

That seemed to work, for the moment at least. She’d startled him enough to break the building tension between him and his old guild, for long enough to get through. “You don’t want this on your hands kid. It’s not the same as fighting Icebrood. Take my offer, stand back before it gets worse or I will make you.” There would be a solid silence, save for his old guild still trying to jeer him on. But she kept a firm hold and kept his eyes on her while he thought it over and finally, thankfully gave a tired nod. “Good choice.”

It didn’t take much to nudge him behind the group now that he’d go willingly, and she threw a warning glance at Jhavi before aiming her pistol at what was left of Braham’s old guild.

—————————

She’s always kept to herself, even out here in the cold. She guesses some habits break harder than others even as she put effort in. But small steps still add up to progress. Caithe sat flush against her side by the second fire, clearly determined to steal as much insulation from her fur as possible.

“...you really should talk to him”

She glanced down at the sylvari, a bit surprised by the break in the silent evening. “Talk to who?”

“You know exactly who.” Caithe met her gaze with a small frown, something Kai had come to understand meant disappointment. “We both needed someone when we hit our lowest. The team is sweet but they aren’t going to understand what happened like you do. I know you get it. You stopped him from making the same mistake, now help him figure out how to stop himself.”

She rolled her eyes up to the cloudy sky, acting a lot more exasperated than necessary as she hid her discomfort. “You’re joining the other fire and telling him for me. If I go over there they’ll all think they’re in trouble again.”

Caithe stood in response, expression softening as she leaned up to kiss Kai’s muzzle. “Try to relax so you don’t start a fight, you both need this.” The charr let out an indignant huff in response, watching Caithe join the team and shortly after watching a much bigger silhouette walk warily over to her more private location.

“...Eirsson.” A gesture to a seatacross from her brought Braham to eye level over the fire. He was clearly uneasy and she knew the team was still adjusting to her efforts to be less...harsh. “Relax a bit, I’m not going to bite your head off and you’re gonna waste your energy like that.”

The words seemed to help.

...a little.

“Look, I just wanted to say...you did good out there. Given the situation. You’ve followed orders from the start even if you don’t seem to hear em half the time here.”

He seemed surprised by the words, compliments were never Kai’s strongsuit on the best of days and, to her own chagrin now, she realized this was probably the first time she really praised someone on the team. But that was a concern for when there weren’t more pressing topics.

“...Jhavi called you Oathbreaker. Said all the norn call you that now.”

She could see his wince lit up by the fire, showing well how he felt about it. Yet he was still trying to put on a brave face. “I left my team, we’d...failed to take down Jormag, and I ran. I broke my oath.”

She gave a small nod in response, “You did break an oath. But it wasn’t one you could’ve capably kept with a small team anyways. Jormag was coming whether you fought or not. As were betrayals.”

“No! It was my destiny, I followed the legend! I cracked the tooth, and then I failed. I broke my oath and now everyone’s paying for it because I couldn’t do what I was supposed to.” His voice wavered and his gaze broke from hers at last to look down at the flames dancing between the two.

“...I failed too, you know.” Her posture was tense as she spoke, a tale she’d never truly be prepared to share herself, and never had since it was infamous enough. But now it was needed. “Got all the way to the flame legion camp only to find out my right hand already betrayed me. The only blood on my fur that day was from my own legion.”

Braham was silent. Whether from a lack of listening or surprise that she was sharing, Kai had no idea. But she pressed on. “Found out only after I got back from another job that my running for tribune had been rejected, and I was no longer welcome. I killed a lot of legionaries that day. To away from a life sentence.” She took a deep breath, shakier than she’d like to admit and thankful for the wavering flames creating too much motion for Braham to notice if he looked back up. “You fucked up kid. But that doesn’t mean everything halts until you make it right. Some things are too fucked to fix, and you’ve just gotta move forward to the next option.”

She let the silence hang as she gathered her own thoughts again after saying all that. To her surprise, Braham spoke up in her place. “...I was supposed to live up to my mom. She’s supposed to be proud of m-“

“No. Fuck legacy. I don’t care who your mom was, you’re the person on my team. All I want you to live up to is your own potential here. Nothing is wrong with you Braham.”

“My mother was a great warrior!” He seemed to bristle at the idea of throwing that away.

“She was, yeah. So were my sires. And you know what? That legacy did jack shit for my own life once I didn’t perfectly meet the bloodline standard. You can hold her up on whatever pedestal you want, but it better not be over your fucking own.” Her fur stood on her end, on the verge of snarling as she spat out more information she hadn’t intended to share but realized she needed to. “The team wants you here, not Eir. At the very least, respect that fact and do what you’re here to do instead of what the norn want you to do.”

All the energy left Braham at once, the momentary aggression, the wariness of being lectured, everything. He slumped in his seat low enough that Kai actually had to tilt her head down a little. “...you really think we can do this?”

She couldn’t help an indignant snort at that. “Think? We’ve dealt with worse. Whatever’s going on here won’t last. We will.”