#I'm sure some people are annoyed but the only thing I've cheated so far was to get Denali there to adulthood | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

hwajin · 2 years ago

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#!! - 𝐓𝐖𝐈𝐍 𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐌𝐄 — 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐟𝐢𝐯𝐞 ; ᴛᴏᴜᴄʜ

— 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: angst

— 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: hyunjin x reader, chan x reader

— 𝐰𝐜: 6.5k

— 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ��𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: a first word, a first impression. a first touch, and then some more.

— 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬/ 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞: from the next chapter and up imma make longer chapters hence probably gonna take a bit longer in between posting!! i've started off with shortish chapters since i was scared to end up with like only two lmao, but now that i'm on my 5th one and haven't even reached the main happening of this whole thing i'll start making longer chapters!! do leave feedback and tell me how you liked this chapter (i'm a bit unsatisfied with how this one turned out so i hope some of you will still enjoy it <33). i'd love to read some of y'all theories or predictions to how this is gonna go, so if you have ANY thoughts about this series don't be shy to pour em out in tags or my inbox <33

series masterlist | next chapter

You haven’t talked much with Chan. When he has pulled you by the hand to drag you outside and away from the crowd – away from the stranger – only a few words have fallen, your apologetic ones, Chan’s frustrated.

“Then explain it to me, cuz I don’t really get it if I’m honest. Like- I might be overreacting but this dude was obviously staring… and you were staring back as if you knew him?! Like do you? Are you lying to me? Or was he just so hot you forgot you have a boyfriend here today?”

Chan hasn’t been screaming by any means, hasn’t raised his voice. And yet his anger was felt, through his words and movements. His face contorted, brows scrunched and lips pursed. A habit he had when madness got to him. And it had made you feel guilty. Oh so guilty. And then; annoyed.

Because if you were honest, who was he to not believe you? Who was Chan to assume he was aware of the stranger and his doings on you for weeks on end, who was he to lash out on you when he hasn’t been making efforts to go as far as to notice your worrying and your pondering the past weeks? How was Chan higher of a person to accuse you of something you weren’t guilty of, not really? Because staring wasn’t cheating surely, and Chan was all too jealous, entirely overreacting. Though maybe that was a lie to calm only yourself.

“Babe, I don’t want to fight, please, he just- I have seen him a couple weeks back, in the store, I thought I remembered him. That’s it. I don’t know him, he doesn’t know me- he must have remembered me as well. That’s it.”

It had taken you all your will to stay calm, to not lash out as well and break into a fight. Because you have promised it to yourself, and you have promised it to Chan. That you would work on it, on your relationship, together. You didn’t want to be the first to screw it up. Not on a party like this, not in the midst of tons of people, not under the influence. And yet, you needed to remind yourself actively of those facts, needed help to remember what exactly you have promised each other, what exactly you and Chan have agreed on. Because you so badly wanted to turn your head toward the stranger, so badly wanted to see if he was still standing by the bar. It took you more willpower to keep your eyes on Chan that it had needed to collect yourself.

And in the matter of seconds Chan has been dragged out by his friends, all apologetic to steal him away from you but they needed him for the next game they had planned or they couldn’t play, and you had been left standing alone on the balcony, without an answer from your boyfriend, without a glimpse into his thoughts, without reassurance. With the ever-growing wish to go and look for the stranger. To go up and talk to him, ask what his deal was, what kind of sick game he was playing to be living in your thoughts for longer than you’d love to admit. To go up to him and ask of his name, how his day had gone, whether or not he’s been thinking about you as well, as vividly and intimately as you have. You wanted to be close to him, wanted to flee into his closeness for comfort. And it was so utterly stupid that you couldn’t help but scoff about yourself, letting your head fall into your hands. The stinging wind was cutting your skin, the exposed parts of your arms, your cheeks. It fluttered through your hair, made a mess of it. Mimicking your mind. Oh, how pathetic you were.

It was strange. The feeling was so incredibly strange that it dared to tie up your ways of breathing. If you had expected to see the stranger tonight or not – nothing would have prepared you when you had met his eyes. He wasn’t simply attractive, not only the image you remembered him as from weeks prior. He had something more about him – an aura, or maybe simply a radiance – that nearly physically pulled you towards him. That had made you want to keep staring, make a double take, while amid talking to Chan. He was strange. Strange to appear here out of all places, and tonight out of all nights after having been creeping in and out your mind. And precisely that, the mystery of him, the unknown about his persona were the motives that made you look back, through the glasern door of the balcony, and into the living room – where he still stood, now moved further into the middle, further into the turmoil of people, talking to a man you have never seen before, a friend probably, maybe the one he came with. The conversation was heated – the strangers' mimics were, at least; face contorted into one of seeming shock, arms passionately gesturing something you couldn’t understand.

For a split second you hoped it would be about you, the conversation, the look on his face. His big movements. You had noticed that he had been staring you down as much as you have – as though he was sensing the same, as though his heart, too, had squeezed so hard the tension had made him dizzy, as though his lungs, as well, had been cut short when your eyes had met. You forced the thought away as fast as it came – it scared you, how fast he was pulling you in, how quick the next thought occupied your mind – would it be all too wrong to go up and talk to him? Your first, initial response was that yes, it would be thoroughly dumb to mingle with the stranger that caused an argument with your boyfriend – not mentioning that he was the one you came with, anyways, that he was the one to be taking your side, the one you should be stealing glances from. But then another, far louder voice in your head argued the opposite. Argued that it was fine, because really, how good was your boyfriend anyways? And what had he given you besides headaches recently, besides reasons to sit him down and talk it out, long and painful, with tears filling both your eyes? The stranger showed nothing of that nature – the stranger looked like love itself, the personification of it, looked like the puzzle piece that you were missing to find for years on end.

What was wrong with you, truly?

Warm guilt nagged at your bones and crept its way up your nape, to the plush of your cheeks. It was a strange feeling of anxiety when thinking about the manner, about the man in the living room you were eyeing from your secure position on the balcony. A feeling of anxiety because thinking about it, about him, hinted at everything that was wrong with Chan. Hinted all those small cracks in a love you built so dearly, all those cracks that might break eventually if you weren’t careful enough. Because thinking of the stranger in such way you did, romanticising his entire persona so only your image of him was left fantasising over and putting said image above your boyfriend, as though you painted a faith you wished for instead of the faith you possessed – it was dangerous, it put you in a state of uneasiness. Not only because you had promised Chan to try, but because being reckless when it came to love wasn’t always bound to end well. Being reckless towards another person – a mere stranger that might have no interest in you, that might only want a one-night fuck or less from you – was dumb, had to be incredibly stupid.

And then you set your right foot in front of your left one, and your left one up front again, until you reached the glassy doors of the balcony, until your fingers wrapped around the cold, metallic handle of it, until the warmth of stuffiness and the scent of alcohol welcomed you inside again. You weren’t thinking, not really. You didn’t have a plan in mind, let only your subconscious lead you – if to him or not you weren’t sure; your eyes, at last, were fixed on the stranger. Fixed on the man that was yet to see you, fixed on the man that was now standing alone in the middle of the tumult; as though a pillar of comfort in a room of inquietude. He shouldn’t be, shouldn’t have that effect on you. In all honesty, you weren’t sure if he was having any effect on you, after all – or if it was Chan who simply didn’t, and if you instinctively looked for the next best option. Another possible source of steadiness, because you were a coward, and feared to be alone the older you got.

Tranquillity. Momentarily the room, the stuffed four walls, the singing and laughing; all turned quiet. Silent. Because he had found your eyes, was staring right at them, through them. You thought that not one person you have crossed paths with ever looked at you the way he did – as though with sole interest and with absence of ulterior motives, and with an understanding that would turn irrelevant if spoken out loud. Understanding that could only be thought and would lose meaning if you questioned it too much. And in the same breath, you questioned how a stranger could possibly bear such understanding towards you. A familiarity almost, as if you’ve known the other already, as if you weren’t yet to exchange first words.

Your legs carried you instinctively, even if you wanted to flee from the scene, turn around and strut right back towards the entrance door and away from every single person in the room; it wouldn’t have been in your power. You have felt an urge prior in relation to the stranger – when you had first met him, when you had first laid eyes on his ones, when he occupied your mind and made it his own. There’s always been a pulling, a yearning when your mind wandered to him; like an itch you couldn’t scratch. And that feeling was at its climax, right this moment, when you came closer to him with every step you took. If someone asked you, you wouldn’t possibly be able to explain what it was that you were feeling. Maybe you did see something like salvation in him – felt that he might be the one capable of showing you real emotions, real love; hence the yearning. Maybe it wasn’t anything describable at all though, nothing that could be put to words, something inhumane. A yearning that would never ease off fully, or would with him only. You weren’t entirely sure – not about him, nor about you, and not about what was expecting you when you’d only walked up to him, stood before him. You weren’t entirely sure about anything. And yet you didn’t stop making your way towards his figure; the way he was standing in the middle of the room, unsureness, nervousness written in his body language, though eyes strictly held on yours.

And the little bit of sour aftertaste that the guilt left behind was barely enough to make you feel truly bad when you stood closest to him you have ever before. When you could lock eyes so intimately, when you could smell the subtle scent of his cologne on his porcelain skin. It was sweet but not too much, vanilla undertone but only the right amount. He smelled comforting. A bit like home, maybe.

“Hi.”

He looked utterly startled. Shocked. You were too, if you were honest with yourself – it was the first word ever exchanged, the opening, the first push to what could turn into something big. To what you felt would turn into something big – you had yet to decide if the thought was comforting or entirely horrified you.

You were sweet. Your voice was, calm and collected, though Hyunjin sensed hints of nervousness. You weren’t one to blame though – his hands were clammy with sweat and his knees came closer to pudding than actual skin and bones. It was such a simple word. Such a simple start to a conversation. Yet he wouldn’t ever have been brave enough to utter it. If for your supposed boyfriend or not – Hyunjin might have never had the courage to have broken the ice. Because truly, what would he say? That he was obsessing over you secretly, imagining a life with you before you had exchanged a word? That you had housed in his mind ever since he saw you, and that seeing your boyfriend on this night of all nights almost made him cry in front of hundreds of people?

And truly – what was he supposed to say now?

“H – Hi.”

Awkward, cringe worthy almost, but he went with it. And you were only looking back, as though deciding on your next words, maybe unsure what to say or scared to screw the conversation up. Though there was nothing, Hyunjin thought, nothing you could really do to make him lose interest. Not now, not anymore. Not after he’s got the littlest bit of taste of you.

The man’s voice was soothing. Laced in sweetness, sounding like dripping honey. It was intoxicating momentarily, and you found yourself wishing to hear that voice for the rest of days.

It felt surreal. Standing before him, talking – sparsely now but a first step was made. To hear his voice, watch his mimics, his movements, smelling him subtly against the mix of booze and sweat in the room – it felt so surreal that your knees dared to give out.

And the next moments rushed by in pure bliss. From the first introduction; “Uh– hi, I’m uh– y/n, sorry to be bothering you like this but… it’s probably dumb but I ,like, remembered you from a few weeks back, I think we crossed paths in the small store? Just wanted to say hi, really.” – who were you kidding, you knew exactly you had met in the small store.

And to receive an answer; “Oh yeah, I remembered as well…! I didn’t really– want to go up and talk to you, your… boyfriend… seemed quite mad from me only looking...” – a distressed chuckle from him and your expression had changed at the label, the name for the man who had been dancing behind you, and you were surprised the stranger even went as far as to mention Chan. In an awkward joke only, yet mentioned.

And then; “Oh yeah, don’t worry about him he– I guess he gets worked up easily.” – cringe yourself to a reddened face, feeling you have admitted more than you should have.

Though him, after a short break in which it seemed like he had analysed, your character or your words, yet giving no comment to your boyfriend and the answer you have given in relation; “My name’s Hyunjin. By the way.”

The conversation went well. Neither of you brave enough to address the elephant in the room – but then again, you couldn’t be sure the other would know what you were talking about. If feelings and the constant reappearing image of the other wasn’t mutual it would only turn things awkward. So, you simply didn’t mention and neither did he, both of you resolving to talking about things of less risky nature; which went surprisingly and utterly well. Words came naturally with Hyunjin, same interests and hobbies, values and morals settling their way into your exchange. It wasn’t hard to find next topics, wasn’t pushy or out of place when Hyunjin asked to bring you a drink. There was no shyness when the other cracked a joke, revealing the same humour, though undeniably there was mutual nervosity from you two. Because none wanted to say a wrong thing, none wanted to end up in awkward silence – though it seemed impossible. It seemed impossible to ever stop talking, to ever not know the next topic of a conversation, to ever grow out of interest and urging curiosity. It went on and on and on, the exchange of words, and the glow in your eyes shone brighter the more information was revealed.

And then there was something else. You weren’t sure if it was Hyunjin, the nature of his persona. Maybe he had that effect on anyone – maybe he had girls swarming around him at all times, maybe the feeling he brought, the aura when he only stepped into the room was intoxicating to most. Or maybe it was the effect he had justly on you – the impeccable need to touch him. To feel his skin on yours, not connect fingertips, to intertwine digits, to meet palms. To brush away the bits of messy dark hair that fell around his face, to glide your hand across his cheek. To feel the plushness of his lips, on your own ones or on various parts of your skin – you didn’t care. And every time you two stood closer the urge expanded. Grew harder to resist, and you needed a physical step back to not let your body have a mind of its own. Only then, only when establishing a certain distance between your bodies could you breathe again, think straight; relatively. Because you thought you would never learn entire calmness in his presence.

|||

She was intoxicating. Intoxicating in every sense the word allowed it to be, in every sense the word was. Truly, Hyunjin couldn’t quite grasp the luck he was blessed with to be talking to you today, if he was quite honest. Talking so easily to you, so freely, engaging so wholeheartedly, as if you haven’t just met moments ago, as if that wasn’t your first conversation. By the time you have talked for an hour without a break – only separating shortly to let Hyunjin pour you a drink, giving himself a freezing coke – he’d love to ease his nerves off a bit, but responsibilities called for something different – Hyunjin had forgotten about your boyfriend altogether, dismissed that you had come with another man at all. That maybe Hyunjin shouldn’t be talking this easily to you, this freely.

“Uhh, yeah, lately I’ve been lacking motivation though. Or maybe– maybe I’ve been lacking inspiration, rather.”

His answer had followed your fascination about Hyunjin’s occupation. Though not yet an artist, only an aspiring one, your eyes grew big and your jaw fell open when Hyunjin revealed his doing, his passion. He blushed upon your reaction, flattered that something so natural to him, something that was simply part of his persona for most of his friends, had you intrigued.

“Hmm, where do you get your inspiration from then, if you’re lacking it?”

Visible interest from your side, not simply polite conversation.

“Everything, honestly. Mostly from the things that happen around me, you know, surroundings, places… people.”

Locking eyes with you in hopes you got the hint, and the darkened tint on your face revealed that yes, you might have caught on. The rushed sip you took right after was indicator enough, and Hyunjin was pleased with himself; he wasn’t the big flirt, so hoped he did a good job when it came to you.

Not only has Hyunjin never been asked such question; most people that knew little about art rarely asked further to get to know the nature of it, and other ones, mutual-minded and further artists, knew all about the subject anyways. Knew where inspiration was taken from, knew the basic processes of an art piece coming together; no one in his field would ever ask him such question, would give him opportunity to vent from within his heart. So Hyunjin had never talked about such topic really, with anyone. About the things that drive him, the things that make his heart swell, that make him want to capture emotions onto canvas. Because either people were uninterested, or knew enough; you were the first and only one to ever poke deeper, into his soul or mind, he wasn’t sure. But it didn’t matter, not really, because you did poke, nevertheless. And he would pour his heart out to you anytime you did.

You hummed contently at his answer, eyes on him, as though determined to read the words his heart wrote. It got him shy, honestly. Got him giddy, a funny feeling spreading in the pit of his stomach, one that he hasn’t felt ever since his last high school crush; that’s how he felt, in your presence. Like a dumb-minded boy running on hormones, heart shaped, pink tinted glasses on his face and he solely got to know your name yet. The air as though smelled of pheromones in your proximity, made you irresistible; Hyunjin wondered if only he caught onto that, though. If only his body was torn and needed reminding that he couldn’t simply reach out to you and hold your arm, or place gentle fingers on your cheek, to tug a fallen strand of hair behind your reddened ear. That after all, you had come here with another man, and that flirting on his side shouldn’t be taken too far, that simply talking, getting to know you was perfectly fine, if you only allowed it; if not for the mind numbing effect you had on him. If it wasn’t impossibly difficult to keep his eyes on your ones without his head sending into spiral, if it wasn’t pathetic, the way he lapped up every slurred word that rolled past your lips. You had ignited something in him Hyunjin never felt before, and if not weeks prior when you had first met then surely at tonight's party.

It was strange, increased whenever his body was closest to you; the feeling similar to when you had first encountered, though undeniably stronger now, harder to ignore. And Hyunjin was simply left to question what it could possibly mean – were it only the beginnings of a crush, giddiness about another? It surely didn’t feel like it; too banal for how his heart was pulled by every bit of its strings, towards your direction, towards where you were standing at all times. He felt guilty; both for how little it took him to get to this point – sure, he was hopeless, he was a romantic, yet it didn’t change the fact that his behaviour was nothing if not desperate, pitiful. The other part of his guilt grew from the simple fact that the other man yet hasn’t disappeared from the overall scenario. He was still there, and somewhere on this party, most likely; if he went home alone, he’d be a blatant asshole, and something in Hyunjin told him that you wouldn’t settle for such.

And then you reached over the counter, to refill your red cup with a bit of soda, to ease off the bitterness in your drink – your naked arm close to Hyunjin’s, body only inches away from the other; and all guilt was blown away, brain short circuiting and urge setting off to various fibres in his body. You must have felt it, as well; for you froze in place, for only a moment but Hyunjin noticed, and you locked eyes with him vastly before taking the coke and hurrying to where you had been standing before, a bit further from him, comfortable space to hold conversation. A tension in the air now, a blush on each other’s faces, expressions blank and hinting confusion, questions. Until you coughed somewhat theatrically, playing off the creeping awkwardness that settled in the silence, and kept the conversation going. Easy as that, as though Hyunjin’s head wasn’t collapsing any passing moment he spent in your presence.

It wasn’t only the sensation he felt around you that stoke his interest; if he was honest with himself, if he shoved the reminder that you were taken to the back of his head – you were attractive. In a subtle way, Hyunjin thought. You had planned your appearance for today, surely, had put efforts into your make up, your outfit, your hair. You looked pretty, and Hyunjin had no doubt that you’d look just as attractive in your full natural form, right after waking up in the morning, or on days dedicated to relaxation. The way you talked was intriguing as well; whenever you asked Hyunjin a question your eyes sparked up, revealing interest. Whenever you laughed about a joke of his, your face lit up in utter content, giving Hyunjin a feeling pleased. And you were funny, witty, making Hyunjin laugh as well, making him blush and giggle. It would be embarrassing if he wasn’t simply happy to be talking to you.

He wondered how you must feel, if guilt plagued him already. It wasn’t in his favour to theorise about your relationship; it might be an open one, it might not be too serious, it might have any reason why you were talking to him instead of dancing with the other man right now. And yet he wondered if guilt did eat at you, if your mind was circulating not only around him, but around other matters; be it the man or simply the fear of being seen with a stranger. Though; your eyes weren’t wandering, weren’t searching the room for potentially getting caught; if that was something you were scared of, you left it unnoticed. Hence Hyunjin’s conclusion that maybe, just maybe, there was some hope that it wasn’t all that exclusive, that whoever this guy was wasn’t necessarily a big of an obstacle.

Until Hyunjin saw him in his peripheral vision.

The scenery changed quite drastically; from talking with you calmly, nothing but a feeling of comfort lacing the atmosphere, to suddenly clammy, thick tension in the air that stuffed the room with a disgusting aftertaste. Your boyfriend came up to you with big steps; it took a while until you saw him, were turned with your back to the direction he came from. Hyunjin saw from the get go that he wasn’t by any means violent, yet the dirty anger the man spread across the room of the house had Hyunjin’s senses on alert. It was dumb of him, he knew, that there was no risk in you getting hurt, no reason Hyunjin should truly worry about you – whoever the man was he wasn’t dangerous, that much was clear, was someone you knew and trusted, seemingly. And yet Hyunjin wasn’t all calm and collected. Not necessarily because the man shot him a jealous glare, not because you looked frightened, but because the situation that unfolded itself. There was a titillation of taking you away, taking you by your arm and leading you to somewhere clearer, quieter, better. To make you feel better; because Hyunjin knew that that place wasn’t in the arms of that man, your boyfriend or not. That the place better wasn’t who you currently were with, who was arguing with you now amidst confused people who started turning heads. Though maybe it was wishful thinking on Hyunjin’s side, delusions, as so often. You’d look him up and down with judgement in your eyes if Hyunjin as far as told you about the thoughts that spread his mind upon seeing you fight with your man.

He didn’t dare to interrupt, despite how much he wished to. Hyunjin let the scene happen, kept himself in the back, listening to the angry throwing of words, accusations; from his side as much as from yours.

“Oh, come on, you leave me alone on the balcony and I can’t look around for a friend to talk to?”

You tried to keep your voice down as much as possible with the booming bass ringing in your ears, tried not to gain attention from people around. With little success; drunks lapped up any bit of drama they could as banal as it was to them.

“You know why I’m pissed, don’t pretend you don’t?? We had just fucking talked about him outside, and then you’re fucking talking to him, fucking undressing him with your eyes- you think I didn’t see that??”

Hyunjin grew a whole shade darker. Being talked about in such a manner was both the part embarrassing as it was awkward, and the sour guilt that had occupied him shortly before settled back in. He’d been spacious with his flirting, as much as you had been you, in his opinion; it had rather been a conversation between freshly met people, though ulterior motives surely were involved Hyunjin would have argued that both of you managed to not show it excessively at all – though maybe not everyone saw it that way.

“Oh my god, Chan, let’s- let’s not do this here, alright? Let’s go home and fucking talk about it like adults, alri-“

You were frustrated; even from the little conversation Hyunjin heard it wasn’t frustration about this particular conversation, only. There was an exhaust in your voice that broke through like a dam, an annoyance, if towards your boyfriend or not it was unsure. And you were interrupted by him, rather rudely, a scoff leaving his lips.

“Oh yeah, talk about it like adults… the way we did before, huh? You promised-“, looking around, locking eyes with Hyunjin before his voice grew quiet, before he took you to the side, and before Hyunjin wasn’t able to follow the heated conversation anymore.

So – it was exclusive, after all. But Hyunjin couldn’t bring himself to feel bad, not really. He didn’t know all aspects of what had happened between the pair of you, not all sides of the story – but your argument had been valid. If your boyfriend – Chan, as Hyunjin now knew – hadn’t been wanting you to mingle with people he wouldn’t have disappeared for the duration of a whole hour and longer. Hyunjin had taken enough girlfriends to parties to know that staying together wasn’t necessary, wholly – and yet; it was oddly strange that you had ended up with so much free time on your hands, that your sweetheart of a boyfriend hadn’t noticed sooner of your absence if he was so displeased with the idea of seeing you with another. Maybe you were in the wrong as well, if only a slight bit, or maybe it was a sort of jealousy – but Hyunjin couldn’t shake off the icky feeling he had about Chan. It was nothing but immature and childish, yet he couldn’t change it. Not with the way Chan was gesturing his hands at you now, big and emotional, a bit aside from the main happening of the party, closer to the karaoke bar that was placed in the corner, and when your body language looked just as agitated, from Hyunjin’s ever same spot at the bar.

Now that you were standing further, the urge, the pulling of Hyunjin’s heart eased off, if only slightly. Enough to give him time to think, though, which came in handy. His mind was a mess, thoughts untamed and loud; for the nth time tonight he wished he was able to get some booze into his system. He was conflicted, if anything. Talking to you had been better than he could have imagined; it came without force, without worrying of next words that might screw up the mood, that might drive the conversation into awkwardness. You were sweet, interested, open. Made him feel comfortable, understood. Hoped he had the same effect on you. And then, in the same breath, he hoped he hadn’t. Hoped he had left you cold, if for the sake of your own happiness and anchor. Hyunjin’s heart hurt at the thought of being the one to cause trouble to your relationship; though not impressed with your man of choice, it was your choice after all – and if you were with him you must have a reason, must love him, or must have loved him in the past. The details didn’t quite matter, because being with him must have made you happy in one way or another, at some point in life – and to think that Hyunjin might have struck you in some way, might have ignited a fire in you was both an ego boost and as much a frustrating thought as they came. Because maybe he liked you enough already to be wanting to see you happy. And being the fuel to distress, to a heart wrenching break up wasn’t in Hyunjin’s favours.

Though maybe he made too much of himself. Maybe you had been only friendly, because he was too, because you had met shortly prior to this party. And maybe his wandering, yearning mind thought of himself to have had a bigger impact on you than you eventually concluded yourself – the possibility still stood that your intentions were only of friendly nature, and that Hyunjin was the epitome of embarrassment to think his sporadic attempts at flirting were possibly enough to break off any relationship. He was ludicrous, if anything.

“Fuck this, I’m leaving.”

Your presence was felt before it was seen; it would have made Hyunjin laugh if the scenery before him wasn’t as unnerved as it was. The itch he felt whenever in your presence settled itself in as a giveaway that you were near; it was strange, physically feeling the proximity of another person without quite a biological explanation for it, but a part of Hyunjin painted the thought into something utterly romantic.

You zoomed past Hyunjin, visibly shaken, emotional; the alcohol likely didn’t do you a favour tonight, either. You stood before him for a mere second, apologetic smile on your face which didn’t reach your eyes, and you kept walking, wordlessly, seemingly towards the door of the house. Hyunjin’s instincts were on high alert; you were intoxicated, if you had come with a car or not, you couldn’t possibly get behind the wheel now.

“Yeah leave then, I don’t fucking care.”

Chan walked back, into the depths of the party, back to concerned friends that all started patting his shoulder, leaning over his head to murmur reassurances. It was long after midnight, and your boyfriend wasn’t holding you back in getting home by yourself. Whether he was drunk himself or not; it baffled Hyunjin.

Said disbelief made his body react faster than his mind. Because surely, you might not be wanting to talk to him, seeing as he was the source of your argument, in one way or another; but your safety was the only subject on Hyunjin’s mind. If you wanted to see him or not, he couldn’t let you drive nor walk home by yourself. He could drive you home, call you a taxi; least he could do was stand beside you to know you reached home safe. No matter how much alcohol coursed your system, Hyunjin wouldn’t handle the matter mindlessly; in the heat of the moment and in anger you might end up making decisions that would go beyond the boundaries of your safety. Not only would Hyunjin never forgive himself for not having helped another; he would have surely beat up your asshole of a boyfriend for his carelessness.

Hyunjin hurried behind your ever dislodging figure, seeing how you made your way through the crowd, occasionally pushed by one dancing pair or two; all mumbling excuses before letting you continue towards the front door. Hyunjin was struggling himself, using elbows to shove people, not to hurt but to make way. He only called your name once you were out and in the cold – you walked without a jacket, bare arms and legs out in the chilly winter air, and Hyunjin only noticed then that his own jacket was still discarded in the entrance hall, somewhere inside the house; though he had little mind to pay to it now. You weren’t listening to his calls, continuing your way towards darkness, along suburban streets Hyunjin wasn’t sure you knew where they led to. It seemed like you were simply walking, past quiet houses, past dark houses; he could still hear the distant bass from somewhere behind him, a stark contrast to the rest of the neighbourhood. He fell into a light jog, to catch up behind you – it was a riddle to him how you were possibly walking faster than him, intoxicated and in heels. And with every step he made towards you his heart increased its pulling, its returning urge.

Eventually, he was close enough to reach your hand, an arm length away from you. You yet weren’t listening to the sound of your name; Hyunjin grew unsure if it was sheer anger and frustration or if he was the reason you didn’t turn around. He didn’t want to be, the mere thought of it set off an uneasy feeling in his gut; yet he couldn’t bear to think about the matter now. You weren’t thinking straight, clearly, and walking home at night wouldn’t do you any good. Hyunjin needed to take matters in his hands, as best as he could.

His hand stretched out, his fingers wrapped around your wrist; and he let go of you as fast as it was physically possible, not a second after. You turned around, finally acknowledging him, nothing if not shock drawing your features, mimicking Hyunjin’s own. For the feeling that stroke your bodies was one you couldn’t possibly explain with words of any language. Hyunjin has never been struck by lightning, but he’d argue that he felt the same sensation when your bodies touched, when you came skin to skin. Maybe more pleasant than electricity, but undoubtedly as powerful.

You only locked eyes, otherwise you were frozen. In place, in time. Not moving an inch of your body. If both of you had been unsure if what you had felt was inhumane; you hadn’t an ounce of doubt now. Because a feeling like this was entirely unnatural, wasn’t possible, not under biological manners. A tickling, an ich, a longing, a sensation of this gratitude wasn’t something that simply happened, that was simply felt like this; not between two bodies of two humans. A sensation that feared to knock out the breath of the other; though the word alone – sensation – would never be a big enough word, in the first place. No word would ever be for all words felt too banal for such volume of emotion and feel.

And if it wasn’t so forbidden, if the feeling, one that set off a tingling in the pit of your heart, one that ignited the embers that had only been shimmering in Hyunjin’s soul so far, if now his soul felt on fire, hot and burning, occupied by you solely – if it wasn’t so forbidden, he’d touch you again. Let shy fingertips dance against your shoulder, hold your hand and lay the palm atop his cheek. To feel if it was real at all, or if both of you had imagined something for the sake of self-sedation.But maybe you didn’t touch again, because both of you were scared. Scared that it was real; because it shouldn’t be.

@doll4hoon @iwannabangchan @hwangful @whatudowhennooneseesyou @inkybird @asters-abditory @seungminluv3 @skzddicted @marslovescats @berryblog @beautifullywrecked-aeris @moonlightcandy00 @hyynee @nightrayseishina @shrub31201 @sunny-nana @wednesdayswife @hyuneisbae @lovhyunj @ladytrbl @danyxthirstae01 @someoneinlovve @lili-kims-blog @rachagen @koorminii @good-soup3023 @shiru-chan @blahbluhblahbluh @laryisthinking @knisterlicht @studyingthemind @ppiri-bahng @septicrebel @channiesfavoritebrownie @midsoulz @foivetimesacharm @daceyena @yoonguurt @lovingeaglepeanut @hyuneyeon @therealhyunjingf @llunapastell

black font: couldn't tag

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fandomworld9728 · 2 months ago

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Broken Pieces (Frisk's Daughter Reader/Various)

(This is a project I had forgotten all about and just found. It's not finished but if people are interested, I'll finish it ^-^ )

Sitting up on the flowerbed of Buttercups, you groaned in pain as your muscles and head screamed at you to stay still. Looking around the dark place you were in, you saw your bag not that far from where you had landed and a light above you. You noticed that the rope you had used to climb down had snapped in the middle and was the cause of your fall. Wondering how on Earth you weren't dead from that fall, even with some cushion from the beautiful golden flowers, you slowly stood and gathered up your stuff. There was no way to get back up, not that you wanted to. This is where you had meant to end up. So, your only option was to push forward.

You soon came to stand in front of a cute small yellow flower with a face. But, from your mother's stories, you knew better than to trust this flower. "Howdy! I'm Flowey! Flowey the flower." You saw him look shocked and confused, before thinking. "Hmm... how odd. It hasn't been that long, yet you have grown."

"Grown? I'm sorry, but I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Alright. I'll play your little game. I love playing games. Here we go again." Clearing his throat, he smiled brightly. "You're new to the Underground, aren't cha? Golly, you must be so confused."

"Not really, no. I've heard enough stories about this place to-"

"Could you NOT interpret me while I'm talking? It's VERY rude." You thought you could see his eye twitching and decided to stay silent. You didn't need a crazy murderous flower coming after you any sooner than necessary. "Thank you. Now, as I was saying... Someone ought to teach you how things work around here! I guess little old me will have to do." His smile seemed to get brighter. "Ready? Here we go!" Without warning, your SOUL was ripped from your chest and the world turned black and white.

Flowey seemed confused when he saw your SOUL. “It’s… white? I could have sworn that it was red. Come to think of it, I’ve never seen or even heard of white SOULs before.” Shaking its… head? Flowey summoned some white pellets. “Doesn’t matter. Either way, you’ll still die.”

As he laughed, so sure about him being able to kill you, you raised a hand and allowed your magic to flow through your body and surround your SOUL. “Barrier.” Eyes flashing white, a small bubble appeared around your SOUL and caused the pellets to bounce off.

“Huh?! What the-?! T-That’s cheating!” Flowey couldn’t understand what was happening. First, this human looked like that annoying brat, then they had an odd SOUL, and now they could put a barrier around their SOUL? What in Asgore’s name was- oh. Oh! Now he understood. “You’re a Mage. Aren’t you? Although your eyes don’t glow the typical red that’s usually seen when they perform magic.”

“Does it really matter if I am or not? What do I care about some evil flower’s opinion of me at this point?”

“What about the other monsters? When they find out they’ll be after your SOUL and trust me when I say it won’t be over quickly!”

Sighing, you were really fed up with his attitude. It was like dealing with your spoiled brat of a cousin. Immature and a nightmare when they didn’t get their way. “It’s stupid to hold a grudge over a person that didn’t do a damn thing. I can’t help that I was born a Mage just like these guys down here can’t help the fact that they were born as monsters. It’s just how life works. If you’re done now, I’d like my SOUL back, please. I want to get out of this place and progress as soon as possible.”

“You’re really getting on my NERVES!” As he prepared another attack, a fireball came out of nowhere and knocked Flowey away.

A goat lady came into view. This was someone else you knew from your mother’s stories. Toriel.

#undertale #undertale fanfiction #reader insert #x reader #undertale flowey #undertale toriel #fanfiction

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artzychic27 · 1 year ago

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Hi! I'm not sure if maybe I've missed any posts or something so I'm sorry if you've answered this recently at all, but I'm curious about your plans for HBBIC? I love hbic fics, think there's not nearly enough of them, and yours has been great so far so I'm just hoping it hasn't been abandoned tbh haha :3

This answer your question?

Well, just looking at this Akuma, she can tell Hawkmoth has certainly gotten better with his outfits. The guy... Person?... The person has a low cut white top with these long oversized see-through sleeves that would cover their hands if they had any. You can see any limbs on the top half of the Akuma's body, but besides that, when held up, the sleeve holes shoot out this bright light. She's not quite sure what those do, but she'll keep her distance. Paired with the top are these white pants that sort of flare out, and white platform boots. The only thing that reminded Michelangela that they were an Akuma was the floating, almost glowing white hair, the wilky white eyes, and the invisible arms. Maybe they had something to do with purity?

"I cheated on my husband with his brother!" A woman screams when Ladybug side-steps out of the way of a blast, getting her hit instead.

'Okay, they can force us to reveal our secrets. How nice.' Michelangela keeps her shield up, though, she doubts it'll keep her safe from this particular Akuma. Maybe she can lure it over to Rossi... Nah, they've got a whole thing set up, and it'd be a shame to let it go to waste.

"Oh, foxy," the Akuma croons, and it takes all of the blonde's willpower to not laugh when Miles' tails flare up in embarrassment. "Let's see what you're hiding, hm?" They point their sleeves at Miles and blast, only for him to duck out of the way so the truth-blast missed him by just a hair.

"Nah, some secrets of mine are best kept hidden," he quips and dodges another blast. "But I've gotta ask, what's got you so pissed? Relationship issues? Platonic, romantic?" The Akuma scoffs, rolling their eyes and knocking Ladybug's yoyo out of the way without looking before it could ensnare them. "Ooh, looks like I've hit a nerve."

"Yeah, let's open that wound," Chat Noir adds.

Okay, so the, 'Annoy the Akuma so it becomes frustrated and loses focus' tactic. She can do that. "You know what? I bet their significant other cheated on them. Honey, your anger is valid, but you can't go around forcing people to reveal their secrets on a whim."

#miraculous ladybug #miraculous #don't count on me abandoning it #ao3fic #hbbic #answered ask #ask me stuff

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bluiex · 2 years ago

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I'm not sure if people wanna read more double life Scar and Grian discussion,but I had thoughts and this is the only place I can get them out.

I started watching Scar's POV of Double Life and I've already seen Grian's.The one thing I noticed was that Grian's cheating just kinda comes out of nowhere???Like,he decides to pursue BigB in the SECOND episode,and the only thing that Scar has done thus far is stand in snow and let Grian take some damage,but that's literally only because he was annoyed at his pandas not being allowed in the base.(I also know that both sides weren't perfect and could be better,but still.)

Scar's literally fine after that episode and acts like everything's normal and for every mistake or seemingly bad thing he does,he's always got a reason for it related to Grian.

Goes to the Deep Dark?Saw Grian messing with a Warden and a fishing hook and thought it was completely warranted.

Didn't tell Grian people were looking for the sugarcane at his base?Thought Grian had all the sugarcane on him.

Grian literally decides to pursue BigB and his reason basically is because it's BigB,and probably Scar's reputation of dying early,but Scar hasn't done much wrong in regards to Grian very much.

Anyways,sorry for the rant!You can ignore this if you don't want more discussions on Grian and Scar's behaviour on DL,I just needed to talk to someone about it,and what I've learned is that I'm a Scar apologist and he deserved better.

I agree! Scar just does something cuz he either "saw Grian/assumed Grian" or cuz he just wanted too. I also feel like a lot of the things before turning Red, he did put of spite as well lmao which I love him for it

But on red he did get permission to go do dangerous stuff (even on yellow he did too) but yeah both their POVS is a mess, neither communicating properly and doing what they wanna do XD which is why I lvoe it so much

Makes for good angst

Makes for good content to watch

#bluie gets an ask poggers

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kimwexlers-brownhair · 1 year ago

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what’s you opinion on the four satc ladies?

Keeping in mind that if they were real people I would lead them straight to the guillotine during the first wave of the revolution --

Carrie: I think it's fitting she looks a lot like Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction. Big treats her terribly, but it's no excuse to stalk his engagment party in practically a wedding dress or throw shit at him when he tells you not to move to Paris just for him. She's obviously addicted to drama and romance, in a far more unhinged way than Charlotte, thank you. Her projection onto Big is a terrifying example. And they end up happily ever after until he keels over?? I'd so much rather he just be arrested for a Succession-like cruise scandal, not unlike Chris Noth in real life. Team Natasha all the way, girl was lucky to escape their orbit.

Miranda: It sure sucks that she was pressured to uphold the comphet persona for so long. It made her act mousy and submissive way too often, since she wasn't naturally inclined to play the Samantha-like maneater. I'm less fond of Steve than a lot of fans. His blowing up at her making more than him was childish, and so of course was cheating on her in the movie. I suspect she settled for him because she was just tired of playing the dating men only game. That's probably a big reason why her and Steve's sex life died: "well, I did the hetero thing, got married, got a kid, bim bam boom. Onwards." Very relatable disaster of a queer woman in a world catering to the straight. She's definitely got some of the best lines on the show, and I wish she could have come out during the original.

Samantha: Flawless. No notes. "I love you, but I love me more." Fabulous. Kim Cattrall is a miracle.

Charlotte: My precious bean, my crazy-eyed WASP of a hysterical 1950s suburban nightmare Sansa, I love her more than anything. My obvious fave. The messier and more annoying she is, the more I give her my heart. Something about Kristin Davis is so intensely lovable, even if in AJLT Charlotte has some not-cute Karen moments. As Princess Weekes points out, Charlotte actually has the strongest character arc out of all of them. She and Harry are hands down my favorite couple (shades of the old SanSan fan in me rearing its head, although as I've gotten older that ship has lost some of its charm). Not to mention, she's soooo funny? And adorable? I mean:

youtube

How do you not fall in love with her?

So, in conclusion, my ratings for them go:

Charlotte

Samantha

Miranda

Natasha

Anthony

Carrie

#thanks for the ask!#satc

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flockrest · 1 year ago

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spell out your url using song titles / then, tag as many people as there are letters in your url!

tagged by: @quillheel ( thanks bunches!! ♡ ) tagging: some of you have pretty long urls and i don't want to be annoying sldfkjd so whoever wants to do this! go for it, nab it from me!!

this was super fun to figure out! both as someone who runs a mumu and as someone who primarily listens to soundtracks and scores :'D i've included my thoughts on how the songs i ended up choosing would vibe with the blog since i don't have the luxury of highlighting lyrics, either through a specific muse-centric lens or just as a general thematic thing! i do cheat with some letters but. i think my input makes up for it. probably aslfkjsd

F. fire emblem main theme, as featured in the sounds from fire emblem Ø: horse and rider as one album. it's an understated rendition compared to the original, but i think that works in its favour because oh man. the way hope feels here...like. the way it's delivered? it's so sincere, it sounds like a hope built from the ground up! if i had to put a taste to this, it would be sweet! listen to how earnest that acoustic guitar sounds against the more grounded piano — i genuinely love this piece and do listen to it occasionally when writing!

L. ( the ) legendary hero, as featured in the legend of zelda: the wind waker. please just roll with the fact that i wanted to put a ww mention in here so badly that i stretched this far for it. "but ray, you've got—" shhh, that letter's reserved for another song. this track has nothing to do with the rito specifically, but it's very good storytelling music and is literally the bgm for narrative exposition slfkjdlf the kids would've been listening to Songs like this in their early childhood for sure :)

O. once there were dragons, as featured in how to train your dragon: the hidden world. i have many qualms with this movie, but damn if i don't have nothing but praise for its soundtrack. this one in particular recounts an entire story on its own, no explicit exposition needed even to the untrained ear. it's the telling of a legend in music motion, as the above track was, just in a different flavour! also it has test drive's, the flying theme of all time, leitmotif in there to cap it all off; i can't not endorse it on this blog!!

C. carlo's theme, as featured in guillermo del toro's pinocchio ( please appreciate the amount of self-restraint it took to not slot colgera's theme in here asflkjg ). the airy, fluttery sound texture at the beginning flowing into such a measured, charming melody...feels like a swell of love and longing at the same time! what i envision kido's theme would sound like, esp. in his botw era, if he had one.

K. kass' theme, as featured in the legend of zelda: breath of the wild. bonus extended cover. this was a no-brainer, if only because there aren't a lot of tracks i know that would vibe with this blog and start with "k" anyway sdflkd we love kass, all my homies love kass! also i only realised it this year, but there is a lovely little hint of rito village's theme in his own — it's way subtler than revali's homage, but it's sweet how kass' song basically starts the same way his home's does ♡

R. revali, ace archer and aviator, as featured in hyrule warriors: age of calamity. come on...you can't expect me to not fit in one of the blorbo's themes!! i'm so glad we got an extension of it in aoc...one that sounds so bombastically triumphant too? a fanfare compared to the more reflective piece in botw — which i do appreciate lots for how and what it adds to revali's narrative and character — but aoc's rendition is just. it sounds like him at his peak! and it speaks of such a definitively hopeful future for him...so what if i'm weak for a revali who gets to live, huh?? i love the tragedy of being doomed by the narrative as much as any other chump but so WHAT if i love the nobody dies-everyone lives route too!!

E. echoes, as featured in fire emblem echoes: shadows of valentia. the shortest piece on this list, but when i think or talk about dineli and his legacy, esp. regarding its presence in tulin's time, it's with these vibes. that sort of...emptiness, tinged with melancholy but also hope! no this was not the hardest letter for me to do, why do you ask

S. sea winds and travellers, as featured in the sounds from fire emblem Ø: go! go! summer tour album. aside from the perfect track name, the mellowness of this piece almost rivals that of rito village's theme itself?? how wonderful does this rendition sound! it's got a different harmonic colour to it, but the tones are so similar and convey that same feeling of warmth, wistfulness, and something like facing strife and pulling through anyway...it just feels like it'd be a good pick for the theme of, say, a migrating rito flock!

T. the apex of the world, as featured in fire emblem: three houses. see, i was going to cheat again and put tulin's theme or a tulin of rito village suite here, but oh man. this track! dineli vibes for his final battle!! what an evocative track name — the apex of the world, deep underground — and the major leitmotif sounds so charged with emotion; as i imagine the culmination of the imprisoning war would have been, no matter how lacklustre it seemed in canon retellings...okay, maybe this is more rauru-centric. but i'd love for people to listen to this anyway adlfkjls

#* roosting / ooc.#thanks again for tagging me captain!! <3 #i had fun! but i also had such a hard time choosing because there were some letters that had me wanting to put multiple songs down alsfjksd #i swear i don't have this much of an fe bias irl (lying) i just loooove the music slkfjlfd #* nesting / queue.#long post cw

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waheelawhisperer · 2 years ago

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Once more unto the breach, with my impressions of Volume 9 Episode 3 of RWBY below the cut. I liked this episode more than the last 2, but I'm frankly not sure how I could've liked them less, so I'm praying that the only way we can go is up.

Welcome, everyone, to the continuing adventures of Ruby Rose, Weiss Schnee, Yang Xiao Long, and the shambling corpse of what was once Blake Belladonna, hereafter referred to as Blek. Last time, Team RWBY set out to find a way to return home, Blake's characterization was brutally massacred by the writers, and the gang got Yang's arm back from a raccoon whose name sounds like a slur. Next up, we're off to visit the Red King in the hopes that following the path of a story that we know very little about and wasn't properly set up or foreshadowed will allow our protagonists to make it back to Remnant (please go back to Remnant, the sooner the better).

The episode actually starts out by raising an interesting question: what happened to the Red King? Was it something to do with humans? Is this something Alyx did somehow?

That said, the Red Prince is annoying. I think someone should punt him like the football. I do like the way they've conveyed so much of his personality through his movements and gestures and body language though.

"Did I used to be this unbearably pompous?" No, Weiss, you didn’t. At least I enjoyed it while you were on screen.

Honestly, Weiss, I feel your pain. Best character of the Volume so far.

On the one hand, I feel like our heroes should’ve done more than stare in horror as two guards were beheaded on a whim. On the other hand, I don’t care about the guards either, so I can’t blame them.

Ruby is kinder and more diplomatic than I am. I someone had thrown away my only memento of someone I was incredibly close to like that I would’ve thrown hands and to hell with the consequences. I would’ve done anything to get that sword back. I wasn't expecting her to let go of the last piece of Penny she had. She just seems so... defeated.

Honestly this token protest isn't doing a lot to sell me on her grief for Penny or their supposed closeness/importance to each other, like I'm buying into it because of what we got from earlier Volumes and all but it's not really coming through in this scene. I think the writers are trying to show how powerful Ruby's depression is, but it's not really landing for me.

I wish Ruby had cared more about Penny’s sword in this scene but I do like that she’s being a bit of a guile hero. It’s a reminder that she’s supposed to be clever, even if sometimes it doesn’t really feel like the story remembers that.

I’ll say this for the Ever After: it’s visually impressive. The people in charge of the art part of the show really went all out.

Ruby’s reaction when the Red Prince mentions her friends being available to play is interesting. She very much does not want to lead, it seems.

Great. WBY are small now. I hope this is a temporary thing. I'm steadily getting more and more fed up with this Volume's gimmicks.

Of course everyone gets to look good but Yang here, who punches herself in the face and then faceplants. Was this really necessary? Stop trying to be funny. Please. Not only is this not the time for it, but your jokes aren't even good. I've given up all hope of these writers treating Yang with any kind of respect at this point, not gonna lie.

“No one’s going to get hurt, right?” I like this line. It’s very clear now that Ruby’s struggling with the burdens of leadership and the consequences of making decisions. We’re finally starting to see her insecurities come to light.

Between the way the Red King’s pawns look bigger and tougher and the little nod he gives the white pawn, he’s obviously not playing fair. Time for Ruby to cheat? I sure hope so, she is supposed to be a leader and a tactician. Show us some clever stratagems.

Looks like WBY are going to carry here, something I predicted the moment it became clear they'd be competing.

When I saw Yang get cocky I fell in love all over again holy shit she’s exactly my type

Like not to be a heterosexual but oh my God Jesus Christ

Watching the Bees cheer for each other was cute, honestly. Unfortunately, I’m not as delighted by Bumbleby moments as I normally would be after the shitshow that was Episode 2.

As I watch the Red Prince throw yet another temper tantrum, I really want to know what happened to his predecessor, inasmuch as I want to know anything related to this setting. Please give us the Red King back and not this obnoxious little prick.

Oh shit. Eyes in the shadows.

Okay that got a reaction. Humans are not welcome here, it seems. Is this related to something Alyx did?

Love the reminder of just how damn good Team RWBY are in a fight after a Volume or so of them not really getting to show that. Love the decision to have Blek job a lot less. Of course she's the first one to take a hit in this fight.

I feel like there’s no tension here, Ruby can flatten all the pawns with one foot lmao and her friends have Aura, what is she even getting worried for

I guess this is following up on her fears from earlier and her struggle with the consequences of leadership but it just feels silly as things stand and I don't have enough faith in the writers to be confident that they'll do anything with this later

Blek why do you look terrified you've faced (lost to) better foes in your sleep

Was hoping Ruby’s heroic resolve would be accompanied by a display of tactics on her end where she maneuvers individually superior forces to defeat a large group of lesser opponents but instead WBY just kinda do it on their own. Maybe this will feed into Ruby’s insecurity about leadership somehow?

It was pretty badass seeing Weiss pull out (part of) the Nevermore and amplify Yang's combat capabilities. Good reminder of how valuable she is as a team support.

Give a pansexual a sword and she'll want some bloodshed to go with it.

This is how Bee’s Schnees can still win.

That’s it, Ruby. Get mad. Nice to see you invested in something.

I still don’t feel worried for WBY, they all have Aura and can double-jump.

Well, this certainly feels like Alice in Wonderland. Glad they’re finally doing something visually interesting with the setting.

Ruby’s gonna feel even more like a failure after this. RIP girlie.

Kitty's feeling just a biiiiiit sinister to me.

Little is sleeping again. What is the point of this character?

Go off, Weiss, tell them all how much this sucks.

WBY are still small. I hope we don’t have a whole fucking sidequest that involves getting WBY back to normal size but I’m 100% certain we will. I hate this Volume.

I agree with you, Weiss. No one here can be normal. Please let us go to Vacuo. I’m begging you.

Did they really have to make “Rubes” canon? I have genuinely never liked that bit of fanon. Including it here is too late to make it feel organic. It just feels like something thrown in for the fans.

I like how, again, Blek and Yang are the ones who know the story. I am not overly fond of Blek being so upbeat when Ruby’s clearly hurting and the gang just lost a major battle (Atlas), but I feel like if anyone’s going to be this peppy, it does make sense for it to be Little Miss Bookworm.

Shut up, Little. All you do is nap. You’re about to go back to Emergency Rations status.

Oh shit Neo in the house

And her Semblance evolved. Either we get to see how dangerous the Jabberwalker really is, or Neo’s being set up for a big fight later in the Volume.

Or we get literally nothing. What the fuck?

RIP Jabby I guess

Overall rating: Mediocre/10

Overall, this episode was better than the two colossal turds that preceded it. Hopefully this trend continues. If I didn’t hate the setting so much, this would probably be decidedly average, a stunning endorsement by Volume 9 standards.

#rwby

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tavarillasgalen · 11 months ago

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i literally keep crying today, and i think it's such a mix of emotions, of both the complexities of the holidays, anger at myself/my ex, and gratitude for all the ways my life has changed for the better this year.

i saw some journal prompts about writing down all the bad in a year to release it and then doing another about all the good, and i think... last year, there was so much bad. it was honestly one of the worst years of my life. but this year.... i think the good will far outweigh the bad.

but as far as bad things that happened this year:

i stayed with my ex for a whole month and a half past his dropping the bomb that he's actually NOWHERE NEAR done with his license, when he had led me to believe he almost had it and we could move this year. i stayed even though i was so bored, the relationship made me anxious, i wanted to die, etc.

my first personal trainer quit :( i really liked working with him. but he was working 2 jobs, his mental health was struggling with all the work, he was growing to hate the gym, he was worried he wasn't spending enough time with his girlfriend, he was struggling with most of his clients canceling all the time (like my current trainer does to me now lol), and he mentioned how he was getting paid a fraction of what i was paying the gym to have a trainer. so, like. i was expecting him to quit, and i'm really proud of him for doing what was best for him. but i'm just sad because he was an excellent trainer. he told me he'd let me know if he ever does training on his own again.

i just made a post about this, but my current trainer is... well. idk. when we were set up together, i thought she would be a perfect fit, even better than my last trainer. but then... she cancels so much, she treats me like i don't know things, she repeats herself so much, she does 40 minutes of training when i pay for 60, and all the other things i mentioned in the other post... it's.... i've grown to dread our sessions together.

my horse's old stable.... this was... huge. so, after last year when they were making me out to be a drama queen for telling them that it's unacceptable for them to steal my horse's toys, for them to move her stall without telling me, and all this, this year, they... fired the cowboy who was in charge of taking care of the horses. so. they didn't clean her stall. or turn her out. or even give her all of her meals. i had to go do that even though we were paying them for full care. like, the horror of when i went to go see her on the weekend only to see that her stall looked like it hadn't been cleaned all week... i was FURIOUS. we had to move her because we could no longer trust them to even feed her. i can't believe they're still in business.

loud coworkers who act like you're the problem for needing the office to be quiet in order to concentrate on your work and for not liking to hear shit-talking.

annoying coworkers stay annoying.

people in general treating me like i am stupid.

people trying to put me down and brush off what i am good at/have accomplished.

that one ballet guy who somehow knew where my little brother goes to school... he seemed perfectly nice outside of that, but that was when i was like, okay..... time to find a new ballet studio, lol.

the retinol uglies. those weren't fun. thankfully, they only lasted a month.

i somehow got an STD???? when i went to my yearly wellcheck and the test results came back and the doctor asked about if i'd had any sexual encounters recently, and i was like... only ever with my ex, and i don't even know if we had sex at all in the month and a half leading up to the breakup. so... not sure how that happened, unless he was cheating on me or something.... thankfully, it was super easy to treat, like, it was gone in 2 weeks. but just... how the fuck did i even get that.

my car got a flat tire - which kind of turned out to be a good thing because then it got new tires, and it was likely going to be due for new tires this year anyway.

general mental health struggles, lol

general struggles that come along with not being paid enough to be able to live on your own.

a fantasy photoshoot i had scheduled had to be cancelled because the photographer got covid

i was supposed to go to comic con with another person i'd met the year before, but she left me high and dry, so i had to do the thing alone while also being like... what's wrong with me, she said she'd be happy to go with me, she said she'd meet me here, she said she was on the way, and then... ghosted. so that didn't feel good.

as you can tell, i'm kind of reaching for straws a bit here, lol.

#personal

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purplesurveys · 1 year ago

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1770

What’s something you used to believe in that you don’t anymore? Everything about religion.

What’s your favorite dinosaur? I don't have a favorite dinosaur.

Do you believe in reincarnation? If so, what would you like to be reincarnated as? I never did, but if it were real I'd like to be a dog...because they're my favorite animal and also so that I don't have to work a day in my life in my next life lol.

What are three scents that you like? Fresh seafood, curry, and coffee shops.

Do you ever use the grounding technique 54321? I've heard of it but don't think I've ever used it.

Where would you relocate if you were forced to leave your place of residence? I might move back at my childhood duplex where my extended family continues to live. It's very near where I live and would make the last-minute move convenient.

What smells better... fresh baked bread or fresh brewed coffee? Tight competition but I might actually go for the bread on this one.

Have you ever met a president? I haven't, but I've been at a friend's wake the same time as a president was. I'm pretty sure I've also been at an event which the current first lady attended too, but there were so many people that it was impossible to see her.

Has anyone ever given you a gag gift? As far as I can remember, no.

Do you find smoking unattractive? If it's done excessively and if it's starting to take effect on the appearance - like blackened gums - then yes I'm grossed out by it. I don't think I'd mind some social smoking here and there.

Do you think flirting is cheating? I personally wouldn't be a fan but I guess it also depends on the situation.

Have you ever liked someone who had a girl/boyfriend? Nope.

Would you ever take someone back if they cheated on you? I hope I wouldn't.

What's a word that starts with the third letter of your first name? Brain.

How many wives or husbands do you want? If I ever get married I hope it only happens once.

What's your favorite color gummy bear? Any's fine - I like gummy bears!

What's the last movie you saw in the theater? I saw the theatrical release of BTS' Busan concert twice; once with friends and the next time I went solo.

What color is your iPod? I haven't used an iPod since high school, but I owned a blue one.

What’s a quality that your sister has that you absolutely can’t stand? Her memory is terrible so when we get into conversations where we talk about stuff from the past she'd be so stubbornly wrong - "I never said that" "It was you who did this and that" and it always comes off as major gaslighting and is so annoying lol.

Have you ever dated a smoker? If not, would you? Not a habitual one. I still wouldn't.

Do you share a middle name with any of your siblings? We share the same legal middle/maiden name if that's what you mean. But our second names are all different.

Name one of your psycho exes? I wouldn't call them a psycho.

Have you ever been drunk at work? Nope.

Have you ever taken a pregnancy test? I have not.

How many bananas have you ever eaten in a row? I can only do one at a time and it's always a bad experience because I hate bananas and all fruits.

Do you have a protective father? He can be, but in the grand scheme of things it was always my mom who has been more protective. When I was starting to explore my independence and doing more grown-up things, my dad would talk my mom down and tell her I was no longer a kid and that she'd have to allow me to do more things at some point.

Have you ever had to choose between two people? Hasn't happened to me.

The last thing you remember dreaming about: I always fail to remember my dreams, lol.

The last place you went: I went to a nearby mall because I was meeting my sister there to drive her home from her date. I waited at a Starbucks and spent my time there doing some work and watching a few episodes of Friends.

The last time you held a baby: 16 years ago when my now 16-year-old cousin was still a newborn.

What’s the scariest video game you’ve ever played? I've never played a scary video game on my own. I used to enjoy watching YouTubers do walkthroughs there.

If you had the chance to slip through a portal, despite being unaware of any of the effects and/or consequences, would you do it? Probably not.

When someone copies you, are you more flattered or annoyed? Depends on what about me they're copying, I guess? Like it would be extremely grating if I have to deal with someone taking credit for stuff I do at work.

Which is worse: Stale chips or flat soda? Flat soda, because I already don't like soda.

What health problems do you have? Scoliosis.

Have you ever had an anaphylactic reaction to anything? No.

Do you have sensitive skin? Yes, VERY. I'm dealing with a rash under my left arm for a few days now; no idea where it came from. I also avoid walking through grass because that 100% gives me the rashes.

What would you name a baby boy? I can't ever seem to decide on a first name for a boy, but I've long eyed having Owen at least as a second name. I'd love to name my son after Owen Hart.

What would you name a baby girl? Mia's still my favorite.

Do people's rude comments bother you for a long time? Depends on who said the rude thing. I'd be more personally affected if I was hurt by someone in my personal circle, like family or close friends. Rude people at work absolutely don't affect me nearly as much as it used to.

Name three things you find boring. Anything about finance and the stock market; attending mass; and racing.

What excites you? Having days off work; concerts; and literally anything related to BTS.

Would you send your kids to Sunday school? That would be the worst decision I'd make as a parent ever. No.

What is the most interesting biography you have read? I really enjoyed Chris Jericho's first memoir.

Do you think your life story would make a good book someday? Nah.

Do you buy art for your walls? I don't but that's something I'd love to be able to do (and afford) someday.

Would you ever decorate a room with a travel theme? I'd rather my room not have a theme.

What insects do you think are pretty? None of them.

Do you love God? I don't believe in that.

Is there an ice cream flavor that you strongly dislike? Which one? Buko pandan and anything fruit.

Do you own any books with an image of a cat on the front cover? It's very likely, but I can't remember which one/s exactly.

Does anything you own have an image of a bird on it? ^ Same thing.

Does anyone you know own a spaniel? How about an Irish setter? Not that I know of.

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slytherinshua · 2 years ago

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NOT YOUR AVERAGE BOYFRIEND

genre. fluff. spiderman au!! some angst. warnings. mentions of injuries, crying, cheating (but no one is), and overall light angst. some kissing. pairing. spiderman!beomgyu x fem!reader. wc. 3k. (help me) a/n. i've wanted to do this for so long. and i'm so freaking excited posting this rn. i hope i did an okay job 😭

Sometimes you wondered why you had been so unlucky in your life. Every unfortunate event seemed to happen to you, while everyone you knew was just swimming in good fortune. It simply wasn’t fair or even explainable.

Your bad luck seemed to be on a streak this particular week, Monday starting off with a failed test grade, Tuesday gifting you a new top-ten most embarrassing moments of your life encounter, and insomnia blessing your body with no sleep on Wednesday night. Whoever was up there in the sky deciding peoples fates was outdoing themselves with yours.

After taking a power nap until 11 pm to substitute for the lost sleep, you got out your textbooks and notes to study for your upcoming science exam. You were so sure you were going to fail. You couldn’t focus in class recently, which meant you didn’t understand any of the chemistry you were supposed to learn in the unit, and there wasn’t even time to ask your teacher for help or a study session. The test was tomorrow, so you knew you were screwed.

There were two reasons that you had pinpointed for why you were losing focus. The first was because of your boyfriend, Beomgyu. He always seemed to be busy, and your usual late night dates were always cancelled last minute. It felt like he was ignoring you, or even falling out of love, you weren’t sure.

You had noticed that he seemed to be weirdly focused on something particular lately, taking his focus off of school and you. He had been spacing out for a couple weeks now. You’d seen him researching spiders one day in your computer block and you had jokingly asked him if he was going to pursue being an arachnologist. But that was only the first thing taking up space in your brain.

The second was because you kept being reminded of the news report from Tuesday night. A teenage girl’s body was found dead in an alleyway not too far away from your apartment building. The report had you spooked ever since that night. “Found stabbed to death. A total of 34 flesh wounds were located,” The investigations reported.

Worst of all, the victim had been around your age. When you first heard about it, you were surprised that it wasn’t you lying dead in the alleyway. With your bad luck, it wouldn’t be too far-fetched.

Apparently, a witness on the scene had claimed a masked red figure had swooped down to save them, “swinging from building to building with a sticky fluid similar to a spider web”. Because of the absurd claims of the witness, the nickname, Spider-Man, was quickly adopted for the mysterious hero.

To be honest, despite the blurry images of a guy in a black and red suit, you were skeptical of the rumours. If this superhero really did exist, how did he fail to save one of the girls? He seemed like a pretty lousy hero to you. Maybe he was inexperienced or something.

Your mother would probably laugh at your thoughts right now. You had always been untrusting towards the news since you were two. She said your skepticism was one of your strengths, even though most people found it annoying. At least you weren’t trusting the media blindly and actually putting in some thought of your own.

You had gotten through 5 problems on the practice test for science, and each answer was jotted down with 0 confidence that it was right. You were really hopeless when it came to science. You were very fascinated by it, but when it came to actually doing it, you were just bad at understanding the concepts. Biology was decent enough for you, but chemistry went straight over your head. Usually you would have your science genius boyfriend to help you with it, but due to the situation explained before, he didn’t make it to any of your recent study dates.

Your concentration on a question about ionic bonds was broken with a tapping at your window. You turned, confused and half-expecting that you were hallucinating or something. But there actually was someone tapping on your window. They had somehow managed to climb up the fire escape to reach your apartment on the 8th floor.

You were hesitant about opening the window at first, but the person kept thumping on it consistently and saying something you couldn’t quite pick up on. Curiosity combined with your novice martial arts skills gave you enough confidence to go to the window and take a closer look.

“Is that-” You whispered, shocked at what your eyes were seeing as you pushed open the window. “Are you… the Spider-Man?” You asked the masked person, wielding your pocket knife as an emergency weapon just in case.

“Yeah, that’s me- the one on the news.” He nodded furiously, choking out the words. You raised an eyebrow, wondering why he was struggling to get words out and also why he came to your apartment. “Please, can I just come in-? I don’t think I can stand-”

You hurriedly opened the window enough and pulled him in. He was holding his stomach tightly as if he was in pain. You glanced down at your hand that helped pull him through the window, now stained with blood.

“Are you bleeding?!” You asked urgently, mind freaking out. You weren’t prepared to patch up someone, let alone a superhero who probably had superhero level injuries as well.

He nodded slightly, sliding down your bed frame on the floor, “I was beating this guy up, and then they suddenly pulled out a knife and-” He stopped his rambling to look back at you, the eye-parts of his mask portraying his facial expression. He looked desperate and like he knew you would help.

You sighed slightly. You were at least glad that your room’s carpet had been replaced for hardwood floor last year. You would be able to clean up any blood stains on wood more easily than carpet.

You were about to rush to the bathroom to get some supplies, but you paused. Why were you helping him? Just 3 minutes earlier, you were thinking about how lousy a hero he was.

He winced in pain from the floor, some blood dripping from his side. You shook off your stupid thoughts. Who cares if you don’t know him at all? He was hurt, and he came to your room, so you should at least try to help him the best you could.

“I’ll be right back- shit, this is bad.” You muttered quickly, running to the bathroom. You grabbed whatever you could find that might help; gauze, disinfectant, water, towels, bandages, cotton swabs. You wished you had remembered that first aid class you had taken to become a babysitter when you were 14 a bit better, but it had barely gone over treating big injuries like this. The worst you ever had to deal with was a scraped knee.

You placed the supplies down, getting on your knees to be on the same level as him, “You should take the mask off, it’ll help you breathe better to not have it.” You said.

He shook his head, “I’m not taking it off.”

You shrugged, “Your choice, I guess. What is it with superheroes being so eager to hide their identity?” You rolled your eyes, grabbing a towel, “You’re all probably old men in your 30s or 40s covered in flashy spandex suits.”

“I am not!” Spider-Man protested, flustered at the thought.

“Whatever you say… Hmm, I didn’t think this through well-” You paused, wondering how you were going to patch him up while he was wearing a full-body suit. You couldn’t ask him to take it off, that would be absurd. “I think I still have some of my boyfriend’s clothes in my drawer, one sec.”

You searched through your bottom drawer where you kept your pyjamas and managed to find a black shirt with some science pun on it. You sniffed it first, and your boyfriend’s woody cologne still traced the cotton fabric of it despite it not having been worn by him for weeks. You threw it to Spider-Man along with some sweatpants.

“I’ll give you 5 minutes to change and I’ll be back. I’d tell you to go to the bathroom, but I’d like to consolidate the blood to just my room, please.” You murmured, “And don’t touch any of my things-” You said finally, shutting the door.

You stayed right outside the door, hearing a small laugh and a little murmur that you could barely make out as, “cute”. You furrowed your brows. Did Spider-Man just think you were cute? You’d have to reinstate to him that you just gave him your boyfriend’s clothes, and that you were happily taken.

Then again, if Beomgyu was falling out of love with you, maybe he would break up with you soon- You tensed up, shaking the thought away.

“5 minutes are up, can I come back in?” You asked.

“Yeah, come in.” He called back.

You opened the door, the superhero now adorning your boyfriend’s clothes, but mask still on. He looked surprisingly natural with them on, or maybe you just thought that because your boyfriend hadn’t worn them in forever. It had been weeks since you had seen him in a T-shirt, which was also weird cause he used to live in them. He wore exclusively long sleeves now, even though it was fairly warm. He often adorned big hoodies with the hood up, covering most of his face.

Your best friend said that he was probably trying to conceal hickeys from another girl that he was cheating on you with, but you knew Beomgyu wouldn’t ever think of cheating while in a relationship. He would at least break up first. The thought did confuse and bother you, but you didn’t want to seem like an annoying, naggy girlfriend, so you didn’t press him about it.

“You can keep these clothes, by the way. My boyfriend hasn't come over in a couple weeks. He’ll probably break up with me soon, and I’m sure he won't miss one pair of clothes.” You muttered bitterly, opening up the bottle of disinfectant and a packet of sterile cloths. You weren’t sure why you were telling this to a complete stranger, but it made it a bit less awkward while you disinfected his wound.

“What? Why would you think that?” Spider-Man asked. You smiled at how his tone seemed so concerned for you. Why would a superhero care about someone like you?

You shrugged, “We barely talk, and it feels like he has no time for me anymore… I would tell this to him, but I don’t want to ruin the times we actually get to spend together by interrogating him. Still, it feels like he’s hiding something from me.”

“Maybe he’s just waiting to tell you- ouch.” Spider-Man offered, tensing up from the sting of the disinfectant.

“Maybe… But how hard is it to spend some time with your girlfriend? He’s not out trying to save the world like you, so what the heck is he doing?” You pointed out, using the first example of something important you could think of, which happened to be the superhero seated in front of you.

“What if he is trying to save the world?”

You rolled your eyes, “My boyfriend doesn’t have what it takes to save the world. He’s scrawny and nerdy and goofy and I love him, but he’s nothing like people on TV.” You said while wrapping the gauze around his stomach, “Plus, he barely has any muscles, so he’d be pulp in any fight. I mean, look at your defined abs and muscular physique… If you took one look at my boyfriend you’d know what I’m talking about.” You explained with a smile.

You didn’t say it like it was anything bad— in fact, it was one of the things you liked about your boyfriend the most. He wasn’t intimidating or challenging. He was comfortable and approachable and safe. You weren’t one to fall for someone based on a muscular figure.

“Have you ever had a secret you were scared to share?” Spider-Man asked after a moment of silence.

You paused, thinking for a moment, “Yeah, I had one once. Why?”

“I’m kinda… struggling with that right now. I need to share it cause it’ll be worse if I keep on hiding it, but I’m really… really scared.” He admitted honestly. He sounded stuck and genuinely confused. You didn’t realise a superhero could sound this helpless and lost, but you felt the urge to help him with this as well.

“Do you need some advice?” You asked, packing up the kit. He nodded. “Just tell them. Whoever it is you’re hiding it from. It’s better to rip off the bandaid instead of waiting forever out of fear. If you want to tell them and are ready to, don’t hesitate. If they really love and care about you, nothing will change. They’ll still love you regardless of the thing you’re trying to hide.” You explained, surprising even yourself at how wise you sounded. Maybe you should reconsider going into psychology and becoming a therapist like your nine-year-old self wanted.

“I should tell them as soon as possible, then?”

You nodded, “The sooner the better. You’re all done, by the way. You think you’ll be okay to go out the same way you came in?”

Spider-Man sighed, eyeing the window, “I should be fine… But, I want to repay you for patching me up… and the words of advice. Do you mind following me?” You nodded a bit confused, standing up at the same time as the hero.

He opened your window and hopped down the 2 feet to the landing carefully and then offered a hand to help you get down. After you were both safely on the fire escape, you climbed up the stairs to the roof of the apartment building. You went up here often enough, so it wasn’t too hard to reach the top.

“Can you turn around for a second…?” Spider-Man asked you nervously. You did as he said, brain immediately thinking that this was the way you were going to die. You had been a fool to follow a stranger up to the top of the roof, and now he was about to jump you or throw you off the side of the building or-

“Y/n?”

You turned around, eyes meeting the bruised and cut face of your boyfriend, mask held loosely in his hand, face scared and anxious. You were stunned for a few seconds, frozen in place, unable to move or speak or even blink. You must have scared Beomgyu by your lack of response. He wrapped his arms around you, not knowing what else to do.

“I wanted to tell you so badly…” He whispered.

“Is- is this why you’re always gone?” You asked, tears slipping down your cheek.

He nodded furiously, “I’m so sorry, Y/n. You know I would never cheat on you, right? I love you so much- I hate that I left you to overthink all that time.” He sobbed, crying harder than you were now, “I’m so awful, Y/n, I’m sorry-”

“Stop, you’re not.” You assured him, hands bunching up the fabric of his T-shirt, inhaling his scent that you had been deprived of. You hadn’t hugged him like this in ages.

A minute later you sat down on the concrete of the building, Beomgyu being forced to stay still as you tried to inspect every single tiny cut and bruise on his perfect face with the crappy lighting from the dim bulb on the roof..

“Is this really necessary…?” He asked, eyes shut on instinct from how close your face was to his.

“You look worse than when you got bullied in 8th grade, shut it.” You dismissed him, hands still holding his cheeks and turning his face every which way to spot everything. He whined about he was fine and his newly acquired super powers helped him heal from wounds quicker, but you wouldn’t buy it.

He opened his eyes slightly, a stumped expression on his face like a child trying to figure out how to reach candy from a high-up shelf. Eventually, he found a solution.

He leaned forward abruptly, lips crashing onto yours before you could stop it. You tried to protest, but it was impossible to say anything when he was so determined to kiss you. He waited until after you were fully kissing him back to pull away, hoping that it would be enough to spare him from any more face-inspection.

“So, can you really shoot webs from your… web shooter thingies?” You asked, struggling to find the proper words to describe your boyfriend’s inventions.

He nodded with a big grin, “I constructed it all by myself. I went through over 15 trial versions of both web-fluid and shooter before landing on this.” He gushed, showing you the small container filled with white sticky fluid. “It holds the most web-fluid while still maintaining speed, accuracy, and power. Impressive, right?”

You nodded, even more confused than you had been while taking the practice test for science, but determined to keep the smile Beomgyu wore for as long as possible.

“What else can you do?” You questioned, excitement finally kicking in after the shock of finding out, though it was still hard to process that your boyfriend was a superhero.

“So much more-”

You smiled, eyes twinkling as you realised it would take all night to discover everything you needed to know about your boyfriend’s new identity.

↳ txt taglist: @kangtaehyunzzz,, @yeonjuns-bluehair,, @90steele,, @ddeonudepressions,, @multi-stan-jenny

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dzpenumbra · 2 years ago

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3/28/23

Welp, sleep is still fucked. Got another 5 hours of sleep, more nightmares, about my family this time. Distance brings a clarity - both consciously and subconsciously - that... is haunting and upsetting, but helps put my life into perspective.

I'm sure this is actually a pretty common phenomenon I've encountered. Where you're raised in an unhealthy environment, but pretty much all of the people you end up around either have the same kind of family problems or "worse"? I don't know if that's the right way to put it. Like... there was this odd comfort... I guess sorta complacency... in that my family was "normal", or even "above par". And I would downplay, overlook and normalize so many extremely unhealthy behaviors since I saw those traits in other families as well. It makes me question whether I even... at a personal level... even found the ways I was treated "wrong" or "unfair". My memory doesn't really go back that far with clarity. Since I was branded the "rebel", I'm guessing I definitely did, and I likely made it very vocally clear that I did not approve of how things were being run. But that ended very quickly.

It just really depresses me, it takes the wind out of my sails. It makes the world around look so fucking dark. I see people yelling at dogs right in their face and scolding them for not doing anything wrong - which was a theme in the dream - and... children as well. I see people just being really... aggressive towards people they claim to appreciate and support, the second they don't get what they want. I see people using each other like objects constantly. I see zombie-like addicts everywhere. It overwhelms me, it makes it hard to look past.

Maybe I just keep looking in the wrong places, I guess. Or maybe when you walk into a room and there are 10 nice people and one gigantic tiger with blood dripping from its fangs, you... kinda remember the tiger and not the nice people. Unfortunately.

I keep getting distracted with tangential thoughts, I guess sleep deprivation is kinda fucking with me a bit. That hasn't happened since I used to get high and write. Speaking of... I'm thinking of taking my tincture tonight in a low dose to try to help with sleep. That said... the last time I got high before bed was with the tincture, and I woke up halfway through a sleep cycle and started freaking out because I was like... peaking. That's why I liked smoking, it lasts like half the duration, so if I don't get like... full sleep, I don't wake up and start freaking out because I'm still high. So... obviously I still have some hesitations. But for fuck's sake, it's literally the only thing I have and that shit was some of the best sleep I've ever gotten.

Anxiety. That's the big one. Depression is creeping up, yeah, it's there. But anxiety is fucking... it's getting me. And the big bad wolf, as I've said so many times... is the fear of Fear. The fear of Fear itself. I'm afraid that I'm going to get afraid and something bad is going to happen because of that. The extra layer is like an emotional feedback loop that stops me from even looking at what bad I think is going to happen. It's annoying as fuck. Like... sensation = fear, target of sensation = ...fear. Yep, confirmed that this is a bad thing, empirically accurate that this should be avoided. It's like a fucking cheat code for anxiety to get past my confirmation checks. And what big bad thing am I trying to prevent? Emotional distress, I guess? Reliving trauma? Waking nightmare kinda shit? That's about it. Like I'm not already going through that... XD

But my weed freakouts can really be that bad. They can really be that freaky. And I don't really have any viable tools for bringing myself out of them, and I have to ride them out alone, so... I ended up deciding not smoking while going through all the shit I'm going through was better than risking some horror movie-level freakout. My brain is really good at storytelling, I love stories, imagery, symbolism, stuff like that. That whole artist thing. When Phobos gets his hands on that steering wheel, it gets pretty fucking spooky pretty quick. I've had more than a few moments of feeling literal apocalyptic doom, both on a personal scale and a global scale. And that feeling... just gonna be brave enough to say... I'm not a fan, personally. Not my favorite way to spend a Tuesday morning at 8AM after 4 days of sleeping like shit.

I actually got to bed at a decent hour last night, and woke up... around 8. I journaled my dream (yay! <pats self on back>), noticed the light was... not afternoon light out my windows... tried to fall back asleep for a little bit but it just... wasn't really happening. So I just got up. After yoga and chilling for a bit, I ended up napping in the comfy chair for about 2 more hours, but I was still exhausted the rest of the day. So... skatepark got called off. BUT. I called the health center, and left a message with a receptionist for their supervisor for my doctor transfer, got the gears turning on that. I set up my power bill autopay. I learned how to edit the config files for the desire path mod and turned off the "path repair" function that I think was fucking up the path forming. I ordered a new mouse and keyboard because my mouse has been acting all fucky... that mouse is too damn small anyway and has been fucking up my right wrist for years now. And my keyboard is some cheap thing that came with a Dell PC back in like... I honestly don't know, it's so old that the keys and place where my right wrist touch the keyboard are glossy and smooth from erosion. At least 10 years old, I'd say. It was a good investment.

I washed my sheets and towels. I got groceries delivered. I took my recycling up to the second floor and took my trash out. I cooked a pizza. I did more desire path runs, up to 50 runs total now.

So even though it was a rough day and I was running on fumes, I got a ton done. And... I don't even feel good about it. Because I'm really depressed. -_-

My therapist said something really interesting, that I'm sure I've shared before, but it definitely bears repeating. All mental health disorders derive from a natural function that, when in order, is beneficial - anxiety, ocd, even schizotypal disorders and shit - but the one that serves no beneficial purpose from an evolutionary standpoint... is depression. Depression is just like you sucking the life out of yourself. It just beats you up, says cruel things to you and takes things away from you. Like a fucking schoolyard bully.

I want to treat myself. And... I did. I got ice cream, and snickers ice cream bars. I'm just...

Okay, I'm gonna level here. And I shared this with my sister-in-law and she like... kinda mocked me? A bit? Which was actually kinda rude and insensitive, but like... I guess she had a bad day at work or something, whatever. But I... have always had very good "metabolism". Whatever it was. Most likely trauma and stress and cigarettes and constantly tensing muscles and regularly unknowingly putting myself into ketosis through only eating one or two meals a day. A combination of all the above, most likely. But I've always been slender and somewhat toned. More on the underweight side, not a lot of muscle mass, but... yeah. Skinny. And now... ever since I got off meds and quit smoking? I've started to actually put on weight for the first time in my life, in my mid-30's. In my ass and my sides and stomach. (That's where my sister-in-law mocked me, like "oh boo hoo, some of us have struggled with that our entire lives..") And... I feel inept, honestly. It just completely blindsided me. Like the doctors weighed me when I was in the office a few months ago and I was just like... blown away at the number they said. I'm getting my core strength back which is good, but... to get back to the point of all this... for the first time in my life I'm actually trying to be very mindful of my diet. And my only real... vices... left are culinary vices. Sugar being the most vile of them all.

Let's be real here. When you look at it on paper, for someone who gets addicted to habits, but has no real problems breaking biophysical addictions (trust me, I've done my fair share of detoxing)... would it be worse or better for my indulgence of choice to be sugar rather than wine? In all honesty? I really don't know anymore. I just... struggle to drink without smokes to accompany it, honestly. Something about the really wet mouth-feel, and then the swaying buzz of smoking while drinking on a porch or a leaning against a wall or collapsing into a comfortable chair or something. That combination I really do miss. Drinking a cider and leaning against my handrail on my deck in the pitch dark at night, and smoking a cigarette and listening to the crickets chorus and the frogs croak. But it just doesn't hit the same without the smoke. And that... upsets me. Because... quitting smoking was one of my greatest uncelebrated accomplishments. It's been about a year and 4 months now.

So now, I have about 1/4 oz of weed that... if I smoke it... there's like a 65% chance I'm going to start spiraling into panic attacks. Alone, with no one to talk me down. I can get booze, but all booze does is make me want to smoke cigarettes. I can get cigarettes, but I smoked them for about 18 years and... I don't know, I think I feel better without them. And, given those choices? I've been going with fuckin ice cream, dogg. Chocolate chip cookies and chocolate milkshakes and vanilla sundaes and shit like that. In winter/early spring, my most difficult months, I have started to indulge in that regularly. But, if it makes it any better, by the time summer hits... I tend to be outdoors every single day exercising and lean towards eating much healthier.

So yeah, depression management has been tough. Video games are usually my go-to to scratch that itch, but... Valheim has been feeling a bit grindy. Minecraft is literally work, running back and forth, screenshotting, lining up screenshots, then tracing the paths... it's fucking work. Like, literally, it's an art project. Per Aspera... kinda took a backseat. It, too, got more grindy than fun, but I might revisit it. So... Session has come back out, and it scratched the itch a little bit today.

So, yeah... since I kicked some fuckin ass today, I'm going to get another ice cream bar, because fuck it. And I want to keep this sleep momentum, so I'm going to head to bed promptly. Fingers crossed for the skatepark tomorrow!

#diary #journal #online journal #stream of consciousness #stream of thoughts

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t-t-t-t-twain · 2 years ago

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Introductions

Hello! My name is Jordan, Jo for short. This is a college project for one of my upper English classes, so if you are finding this at random, great! I'm so glad you stopped by. If you are my professor or other classmates, also great! I'm glad you stopped by!

So, coming into this class I had a very limited scope on Mark Twain. I had half-heartedly read The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn in high school nearly five years ago and I had read one of the many versions of The Mysterious Stranger after watching this youtube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ntf5_ue2Lzw . At the time the video gave the book way too much hype and I found myself rather annoyed with The Mysterious Stranger and by relation, Mark Twain. As for Huck Finn, I recognized at the time that it was a good novel and it held so much value in the literary and nonliterary world, but I think I was too young to ever really appreciate it. Apart from these two works, Mark Twain was just a satirist that looked like Colonel Sanders and had a thing for boats and the Mississippi river.

I'm really hoping to offer insights into the way Mark Twain uses realism in his writing to not only bring characters to life but to critique real-world issues. I would really like to learn about Mark Twain's sense of humor. We are already three weeks into the class and with the material we've read I already find myself giggling at things that I never expected to find funny. I would also just like to learn more about Mark Twain in general, especially about his relationships with other authors and his life as a stage performer.

The two readings we covered this week are:

"The Christmas Fireside"

Justin Kaplin, "Mr. Clemens and Mark Twain"

Starting with "The Christmas Fireside". This is a satirical short story about the conniving, "infernalest wickedest scoundrel," named Jim. The entire piece is a commentary about the way boys are taught to behave via Sunday school books in which the sneaky little boy always has some sort of tragic epidemic that forces him to turn to the Lord and seek his salvation. In this story, however, the boy, Jim, never gets punished for any of his crimes, (one of which is murdering his family with an axe), and even "grew up, and married, and raised a large family... and got wealthy... and is universally respected and belongs to the Legislature," (Twain 23). There are several ways to interpret this short story, my favorite aspect is the one I've given here in this quote. This is an obvious jab at politicians and the nature of being a part of the United States' government, which is achieved by all sorts of foul play and cheating. Honestly, Twain is just trying to say that the most respected among us probably didn't get their political power by fair and just means. I'm sure many people would find this insight uncanny in the day and age of corrupt politicians, especially since now every corruption can be put on full display by way of the internet. I feel like this will be one of many times in which Mark Twain's wisdom will still hold weight over a hundred years after his death.

As far as, Kaplin's "Mr. Clemens and Mark Twain," I don't have much in the way of close reading or analysis, but I do want to comment on a line I found very interesting within the first twenty pages. In referring to Samuel Clemens, Kaplin writes, "He craved affection and admiration, found them in the laughter and astonishment of his lecture audience, and they came to be the basic conditions he needed in order to be creative and happy," (Clemens 15). First of all, aww. Second of all, I find it incredibly interesting that Mark Twain/Samuel Clemens was ever a live performer. I think it is incredibly easy to think of literary icons as old white men sitting in a dusty room, writing about worlds that they played no part in at all. It's refreshing to be learning about an author that not only was incredibly familiar with the things he chose to write about but actively participated in almost all the time.

That's it for now. See everyone next time with some reactions and comments on the ever-exciting Mark Twain.

Tata~

#mark twain #english #english degree #literature

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berrylover0571 · 11 months ago

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It's really cool that I have nice friends who can make shit that makes me feel better about things because if I didn't have friends who could even vaguely make me feel better, I think I would just give the fuck up.

Like it's so goddamn annoying how much I hear like I'm pretty, because I'm sure it's true., but for some reason, I just don't feel attractive. I barely feel like I appeal to anyone near me. I feel like the majority of people find me only somewhat attractive. Feel like it's partially my fault, but at some point you get either rejected or just straight up ignored enough times or even just straight up turned down before you even prompt it before it's not a you thing, it just feels like shits against you.

Like do you know how tiresome it is to like really like somebody, and and to maybe even try the very first minimal steps towards maybe working up the courage and before you've even gotten there, they just fucking shoot you down? Do you know how many times that's just kind of fucking happened? At least three of them have just been passing jokes! It it hurts. It hurts a lot!

Like I just want to feel like I'm pretty enough to fucking even approach having a chance with someone, and I barely have it. I barely have it. I can't fucking stand that.

Like, I got kissed on the forehead tonight. And that's the first time anyone, and I cannot stress that enough anyone, has shown me any sort of truly meaningful physical affection who is not my family. And that feel good! Something really small and genuine felt really good and genuine and nice and just completely unprompted. And then, on the same night, somebody I have admired for a while and who's now kind of open to explore things with new people just shut that door before I even asked.

It just hurts. It just fucking hurts.

Everyone I would really like to connect with is either fucking far from me or doesn't like me in that way. And truly that pisses me off more than being cheated on! Because at least when I was being cheated on, there was a modicum of love before it happened. At some point we did enjoy each other's presents. At some point I can know that I was a good part of their life, even though they cheated. Being rejected before I even prompted the question, that's like not even tabling the idea. There wasn't even a hesitation it was just, "this is out of the question. I don't like you in that way." Which, to be honest, I'm not going to hate that. I will be the bestest friend anyone could ever have. Because it's just something I like doing. I don't like ruining relationships, I truly don't, I don't ever want to like ruin a friendship with somebody if that's a possibility. I've had that happen too many fucking times without involving sex and relationships. That being said? Still fucking hurts.

Cuz, it makes me question if I am pretty when they call me pretty. It makes me not feel like I have the ability to attract anybody. Especially when they told me I could. Cuz I don't believe anybody when they tell me that, what are you crazy? Are you fucking insane? I am mid at best, with a stereotypically weird fetish to boot, who is transgender. I have the shittiest hand. I have a trifecta of negative modifiers, so I'm already fighting an uphill battle with the odds, the fact that I am just not on the table for one person just hurts a little more.

Like I didn't even try... there was no hesitation... but God damn, God fucking damn, it's just how I needed to end the fucking night. I love life. I knew there was going to be a backswing. I knew it was going to oscillate into a bad fucking day, why did I get my fucking hopes up? Why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why why?

It was such a fucking Fool's dream to even believe it would work out. I wish I didn't even feel that way. I wish I didn't fall for people so easily.

I wish I felt attractive. At least then I would have that.

Tw // Vent

I sincerely hope not a single one of you ever has the Misfortune to dwell within my head. I hope no one does.

There is only one consistent through line when it comes to my life, before and after transitioning, before and after becoming the person I want to be, just before and after everything. That consistent through line is that it doesn't matter what I do, it really doesn't, people only like me just enough.

That is a fraught thing to admit on the internet, it opens the doors for some of the most asinine people on the planet to say the most unhinged things because, well, vulnerability of any kind no matter the error of the internet is seen as a weakness that should be exploited and not a Humanity that should be praised. This is because a bunch of assholes have used and weaponized vulnerability to such a sadistic extent that we cannot distinguish between genuine and ingenuine vulnerability, and honestly that's a tragedy I am so deeply depressed by. I don't want to be adored by a hundred thousand fucking vague people who don't know me and form a parasocial bond with me. That's not what I want to do and it's not what I want to be.

I just want someone, someone out of the goodness of their heart to like me. To make me feel like I can be a giddy young girl, who feels pretty and worthwhile to make an effort.

Because it has never fucking happened.

My first relationship, my only relationship, was one born out of fire and rage and sadness and the desire to be a fucking Band-Aid for somebody who needed it desperately. Just as desperately as I needed one. And for 7 years we kept lacerating each other because we weren't helping each other, we loved each other, but it hurt it's so many ways and I can't get that time back. I can't get the person I was back. And I'm so deeply saddened by that.

I loved her after she loved me and it couldn't work because we were going to kill each other because we needed to be somebody else for each other. It didn't help that somebody fucking decided to make it their business to interfere and ruin things even further, making any interaction even harder and making our lives a living hell.

Now I am here, three years later, scarred and tired and I just don't get it.

Why am I the fuck up? Why am I the failure? Why don't people like me enough to tell me when I'm not depressed? Why is it that I have to have tears streaming off my face for somebody to tell me they like me? Tell me they've had a crush on me or to tell me they've enjoyed me?

Before I transitioned it was even worse, if I liked anybody it was a joke.

So you can imagine how little I actually felt people liked me that. Being rejected twice does not help that, and it doesn't help that no matter what you did everyone just kind of looked at you funny. Just a little bit funny.

You know what the fucking stupid is part of this is? Someone's going to read this and say I'm a fucking incel because I'm fucking angry that it's nobody. Not a single person. Or when it happens it's when they definitely feel pity for me. It's never out of the blue, it's never when I want it to be, never when I need it most, when I fucking at my limit and I hate it.

I saved myself for marriage to a person who now blames themselves for the destruction of our relationship. I waited patiently to do something everyone else has been able to do and explore. Do you know what it's like, going basically 24 human years with maybe 3 days worth of intimate touch? Maybe that.

The last time I felt like I meant something to someone was almost 6 years ago, it's been more than a decade and I hardly remember it. It hurts. It hurts so much.

And I'm always there, for my friends who are struggling the most with some of the worst fucking shit they've had to deal with it, and I get it. I get feeling like shit and not feeling like they scared to get better but God damn, if I unload all of this up to somebody I don't think they'd be able to fucking breathe.

Because it's not just not being able to be around the person or to touch a person or to be touched by a person for 24 years it's the sheer fact that your constantly reminded of it by everyone around you from family to friends to your fucking mother.

I look just like my mom in so many ways and when she spiral so badly it says everything that hurts and everything she has issues with, I look at myself in the mirror and I asked if I have the same problem. Because she's a little been alone for half the time I've been alone. What if all of her worries are true, for both of us?

What if I'm going to die alone? Scared and unloved and unable to experience the one thing I haven't?

Do you know how much it fucking hurts to see everyone I care about doing great with regards to that stuff? Do you know how much I just want to be happy? Do you know how much I movements for that I don't even get dirt from in return? It makes me not even want to try.

I started doing this, posting more regularly on this blog and being more open about myself as a means to get more comfortable get my skin. Now I'm very much more ready to be even more comfortable in my skin, and I'm comfortable enough to want somebody to you know, want to get to know it, and for fuck sake there's not a single person. Not one. It's just nobody.

They don't want to get to know me outside of a surface level, they don't want to say anything to me, do anything to me, they just want to fucking stare, it hurts.

I don't want to be "fierce." I don't want to be "powerful," I don't want to be told I'm gorgeous in a space where everyone's lifting each other up because we're all one bad day away from a grave and a candlelight vigil. I don't want to be remembered as "brave." Fuck being brave, I want to be told in the quiet depths of the stariest nights is that my eyes have hypnotized someone. That my hair reminds them of their favorite stuffed animal. That I look good in blue, that I'm smart, I want to feel romance. Because I don't. I don't feel it.

I feel like a decoration, a diary, a dog, kept just happy enough to stay, told every secret, admired but never touched except when my usage is up and god DAMMIT I am so fucking exhausted.

I don't just want to survive. I don't want the bare minimum. I don't want to just eek out a measly modicum of enough. I want to live. To love. To be loved. To feel like enough.

Cause I don't.

One of my best friends tonight said that I could absolutely "get some from someone." I don't believe her.

Why would i?

I've never been the first choice.

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ladyanput · 3 years ago

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Ok so this is the third time that I'm sending you an ask tonight. (or is it night time in your country?) I'm being annoying right now but whatever. So I've been cackling about those salt fics you wrote because they are just amazing. I have a request, though it is up to you to write it or not. So, can you write a salt fic where someone got an interview with Ladybug (probably Aurore) and then they ask her why they replaced the old heroes like Rena Rouge, Carapace and etc. and LB is just like I don't work with dumb shits or somethin'. Then there is also a new Black Cat (Probably Luka, Felix, or Damian) because Adrien here is an asshole and this fic is saltier than salt water. Then LB also insults Alya's blog and their school. Those foolish mortals get some lawsuits and the rest is up to you. (This request is probably messed up since it's already midnight here and I can't sleep.)

You're never annoying, I just apologize that it took me so long to get to you. I do hope you don't hold it against me, darling.

A one on one interview with Ladybug was basically unheard of if you weren't the Ladyblog or Nadja Chadwick. Ladybug had made it firm that she wasn't a celebrity, she was a hero. She wasn't there for clout, for attention, for fame or fortune. She just wanted to keep Paris safe.

That's was Aurore admired about her. And why she felt queasy as she sat across from the heroine, who had given her of all people an interview. But she got ahold of herself, taking deep breaths as the cameraman began counting down. And when he hit 'one', she put on her best smile and straightened in her seat.

"Hello Paris! Welcome back to 'Latest Buzz'! I am your lovable host, Aurore Beauréal. Today I am here with a very, very special guest, our very own heroine of Paris; Ladybug!"

Ladybug beamed right at the camera, but gave a shy little wave, giving away the nerves she obviously had.

"Now, Ladybug, I'm so glad you requested to be on the show. You know, I initially thought I had misheard when Estelle told me. Usually you're not big on personal interviews." Aurore gave her full attention to Ladybug, but keeping the bright, friendly smile and perfect posture.

"Well, I tried a few times actually. But when I did, none of them were really great experiences." Ladybug admitted and both girls immediately thought of that disastrous Face-to-Face interview. It left a bitter taste in their mouths. "My issue is that misinformation has been spread around a lot recently. It's made me realize that I need to find more trustworthy sources."

"Ladybug. I vow on my integrity as a host and Estelle's reputation as a journalist that we are people who research facts. We don't ambush our guests, we respect them." She said, placing a hand on her heart. Ladybug saw an honesty in her eyes that she hadn't seen in such a long time. It honestly made her feel.. Respected. "Now, Ladybug.. We both know you have a lot of fans. A lot of admirers. False information can be spread so easily these days, which sources specifically are you telling people to avoid?"

"Well.. With Face-to-Face, I found that I was entirely ambushed in that interview. I wanted to speak about my hero work, but instead Nadja kept trying to needle her way into my personal life. That picture she had shown in largely out of context; when Dark Cupid attacked and Chat Noir was under his spell, it was the only way to get him free."

"Yes, I remember watching that. I'll be honest Ladybug, I felt bad for you." Aurore bit her lip, but smiled a bit when Ladybug nodded. "I mean, Chat Noir wasn't helping either. He seemed to be trying to push this narrative forward that you two are a couple."

"And we're not!" Ladybug burst out before she could stop herself. Everyone in that studio could hear the utter stress and frustration in her voice. "I've begged and begged Chat Noir to stop with the flirting, the 'telling people we're dating', everything! I just wanted him to focus and he couldn't seem to do that!"

"Is that why you replaced him? Because of his slacking off and refusing to take anything seriously?" Aurora sat up an bit straighter, her eyes going wide.

".. Not exactly, no. It was a bunch of issues that eventually piled up and boiled over." Ladybug made some gestures with her hands, trying her hardest to find the words but just letting out a long and pained sigh in the end. "I do enjoy my new partner now. He is more serious, more stable. I know he won't go off and pout if I deny something he wanted. I needed an entirely new team, as a matter of fact."

"Well I am going to say, on behalf of everyone here, that we're glad. We swear on our integrity as journalists that if such rumours were to ever surface again, we will do our proper research." Aurore beamed and many of the staff and crew behind the cameras nodded and gave Ladybug their thumbs up. Honestly, it warmed Ladybug's heart to see such support.

When had been the last time someone had supported her like this? Sure, her parents supported her, but her friends..? Her peers? No, none of them had supported her in a long time.

"Speaking of research, I'd say to stay away from the Ladyblog." It burned to say it but it had to be said. Alya had crossed so many lines it wasn't even forgivable at this point. She had gone too far, had betrayed too many.

"Wait, what?" Aurore nearly jumped out of her seat but quickly composed herself, taking a deep breath. "Pardon me Ladybug, but the Ladyblog has been a vital source of information since the very beginning."

"And I'm not denying that!" Ladybug quickly held up her hands, her eyes desperate now. "But please let me explain. The Ladyblog was amazing in the beginning, but like all things, it started to go astray. It was things like trying so hard to find out my identity. Trying to push that narrative of that whole superhero couple thing.. Ladyblogger Alya Césaire has proven time and time again that she is not trustworthy. I mean, I thought she was my biggest fan. Why does she keep pushing my words aside?"

Many people who watched the interview would agree. If you idolized someone, respected someone, truly looked up to them.. Why would you push aside their words, their wishes to try and push the narrative you're so convinced is true, but isn't there?

"And don't get me started on the whole Lila Rossi craze she seemed to be on now." At Ladybug's mention of Lila Rossi, both Estelle and Aurore had to keep from rolling their eyes. They knew all about the girl.

"You speak as if you are quite frustrated, Ladybug. What an odd reaction to your best friend." Aurore leaned forward a bit in her seat. Everyone else got to the edge of theirs. Ladybug only shook her head, looking utterly defeated.

"That's the thing, she isn't my best friend." It took everything to keep from satin that she hated her, that she had taken away her friends and her life. "The only times she's met Ladybug is when she's been akumatized, which has been around six or seven times at this point. And the other things she's claiming are so outlandish! Saving Jagged Stone's kitten from a airport runway? Clara Nightengale stealing her dance moves? And the Ladyblog just posts it out there, claiming every single story is true. I'm just scared that people are taking this one hundred percent seriously. That's why I had to drop Rena Rouge and Carapace from the team as they believed Lila Rossi over me. They didn't even try to confirm these rumours! And it hurts to think that one day, someone will take Lila's words seriously and get hurt. What if she says it's safe to dip strawberries in bleach? Or tells someone that she found a way to tame some kind of wild animal? Someone would get hurt because they believe her story and try it out for themselves!"

"My goodness, I can definitely see how that is a problem. Misinformation is very easy to spread thanks to the internet, so you being worried is a very relatable thing." Aurore nodded, then tilted her head ever so slightly. "Ladybug, do you know anyone who has taken her word seriously? This is besides the Ladyblog of course."

Ladybug closed her eyes briefly, mentally debating with herself before finally giving in. These things needed to be said.

"Collège François DuPont. Now I wasn't there personally, but I heard about this situation and looked into it. The entire situation was appalling. Apparently a student was found to have cheated, assaulted another student, and commited thievery. But the thing that stuck out is only one person saw her do all of these things; Lila Rossi. No investigation was done, no questioning other students. This student was then expelled immediately. Her teacher and her principal didn't even give her a chance. And from what people have been saying, Miss Rossi's behaviour is actively encouraged in that school. She misses countless days, no, months of school, claiming she's traveling. But when she was supposedly in Achu, doing whatever it was she was claiming with Prince Ali, I was fighting her akuma here in Paris on Heroes Day!"

"I was at school the day that happened. I knew the student that happened to. They're the nicest person in that school! Never a bad thing to say about anyone, always willing to help! I agree with you on how things were handled, it's a level of incompetence that is baffling." Aurore's hands slowly curled into fists as she remembered it all. She slowly shook her head. "The principal, their teacher, their class who backed up Rossi. It must have hurt them so much, made them feel so alone."

"That's why I want people to be more careful with what information they take as fact. It's so important, because stuff like that can lead people to a desperate place. They feel alone, like the entire world is against them. I wouldn't have let the principal and the teacher get away with that gross negligence in their jobs." Ladybug leveled her gaze directly to the camera. "People of Paris, please listen to what I am saying. I am here to be a hero, to protect you from the terror of Hawkmoth and to defeat him. But please, do not be like Principal Damocles, do not be like that teacher and her class at DuPont. Do your research, look up your facts. Do not let a liar lead you to do something dangerous and hurt yourself as well as others. Respect each other, talk and be honest. I swear on my life that I shall do the same. You are the people I swore to protect and I love. I am saying this all to protect you. And I'll hope you'll all forgive me for not protecting you sooner."

...

The interview rocked Paris. Ladybug speaking so openly about her frustrations, about the discrepancies in the Ladyblog and Lila Rossi had many people double checking the sources of everything they learned from that blog.

Alya could barely show her face as she made her way though the school hallways. Her reputation as a journalist had gone down the drain. People had basically started boycotting her blog, harrassing her, or trash talking her on other forums and sites. Even a lot of news outlets picked this up.

What hurt the most from that interview last night was Ladybug's words towards her, both as Rena Rouge and as Alya. Surely the heroine had to be mistaken, she had never beytrayed Ladybug! And that Oblivio incident, it was just to show Chat Noir and Ladybug that they were meant to be together!

Her family was upset with her. No, upset was too tame of a word. They were pissed.

"I can't believe she lied to us.."

"Well what do you expect from someone who keeps harrassing Ladybug?"

Alya flinched when she heard the whispers and rushed into Miss Buster's class. The entire class was there, all seated, all looking utterly miserable. Many of them looked as if they had been crying all night. A lot like she had.

"W-where's Miss Bustier?" Alya asked when she eyed the empty desk. Many of her classmates shot her glares, but didn't say anything about the interview last night. After all, they had no room to talk.

"She and Principal Damocles are with the school board now. We're getting a new teacher." Adrien was the one that spoke up. He looked utterly miserable. So unlike his usual self.

"Lila isn't coming back. She was pulled from school when her mother found out what happened." Alix muttered from her seat, arms crossed and shoulders hunched.

The class went quiet as they all internally contemplated how things had gotten like this. Their eyes focused on the door when it abruptly opened and Marinette came strolling in, carrying a box.

"Good morning everyone!" She said brightly, pretending not to notice the downcast expressions on their faces. She set the box on the teacher's desk before she turned towards them. "Oh? What's wrong everyone?"

".. Did you not watch the interview with Ladybug on 'Latest Buzz'?" Alya stared at Marinette, a bit dumbfounded by her friend's lack of awareness of the situation. She had been expecting Marinette to rush in with support and a fiery vengeance against those who had humiliated her best friend, maybe even a fresh pastry. But instead she was greeted with empty hands and a cheerful hello?

"Oh, well I haven't really had the time to watch much television. I mean, with my transfer papers, needing to plan out my new schedule with all of those new classes. Busy as a bee, that's me!" Marinette just beamed, giving Adrien a playful wink that had his stomach churning.

"Wait, transfering?" It was Rose that spoke up, her large eyes seeming impossibly large now. "Transfer what?"

"To my new school, of course." Marinette giggled and clasped her hands together. "I start on Monday."

"New school?!" Alya was on her feet and rushing towards Marinette. The others quickly followed, crowding around her. "What do you mean new school?! When did you ever say you were going to a new school?"

Marinette blinked, as if stunned, then tilted her head ever so slightly.

"I told you all last week, don't you remember?" Marinette tapped her lower lip, seeming to be wracking her brain before she abruptly snapped her fingers. "Oh! I forgot, you all were deep in conversation with Lila about her upcoming event with Jagged Stone and Clara Nightengale. You know, the one she said she'd be attending with Ladybug, since they're such good friends. Did she ever say how it went?"

All of the students shifted uneasily, suddenly seeming to refuse to meet her face.

Alix murmured something so barely audible, Marinette held a hand to her ear and leaned closer.

"I'm sorry, what was that?"

"Lila was lying to us!" Alix snapped as her cheeks went a flaming red.

"About everything! She never knew Jagged Stone!" Juleka spat out in fury.

"Or Prince Ali!" Rose sniffled.

"And she wasn't friends with Ladybug? They were barely acquaintances!" Alya wailed out as tears welled up in her eyes.

But Marinette hardly reacted the way they were expecting. She just gave them a small smile and nodded.

"Oh, yeah. I know."

Alya sucked in a breath sharply.

"You knew..? But why did you never..?"

"Oh Alya, you silly forgetful thing. I told you the day she returned from her long 'trip', remember? I told you she was lying." Marinette gave Alya a smile that said 'oh you silly thing'. "But you told me that I should really check my sources. And I got tired of trying to bring up any lies, since that was always your response. So I decided to just stop. I mean, since you're such an inspiring, honest journalist you must double and triple check every source you come across and found every story to be true!"

Alya flinched and looked away, feeling the churning feeling in her gut again. No, the Ladyblog had been the only source for the stories. The. Only. One.

"And I'm sure all of you knew what you were doing! I mean, it makes sense; trusting the words of a complete stranger over someone you've known for a while now. Some of you since we were in diapers!" She focused her gaze on Nino and Kim, who had the grace to at least look ashamed.

"Marinette, you really should-" Adrien began, reaching out for the girl, but was cut off by her clapping her hands together.

"But it's alright! I decided that fighting with you all wasn't worth it, so I took Adrien's advice and took the high road! Don't bother exposing Lila, she isn't hurting anyone!" Marinette announced brightly, giving her hands a little wave.

The temperature in the classroom dropped by several degrees.

".. Adrien, she's kidding, right?" Nino glanced over at his friend, his eyes pleading for him to deny it all. But the sight of the blood draining from the model's face and the sweat starting to bead at his forehead told him everything he needed to know. "Dude.."

"How could you?! You knew this entire time and didn't even try to tell me?!" Alya rounded on Adrien, fury in her eyes.

"Now, now, don't get mad at Adrien. I'm sure he knew you all were going to do you research. Besides, it's not like this did anything bad for anyone." Marinette pressed a hand to her cheek, still grinning. "I mean, it's not like you all took her advice without doing any research. You didn't try the things she suggested without actually checking them out to be true, right? No one lost any scholarships or job opportunities. No one's relationships were ruined. No one was hurt."

The nauseous feeling spread to all of the class as the reality of everything caught up with them.

"I'm sure everything will go back to normal, right? I mean, I'm sure that that woman from the education bureau isn't here to fire Damocles and Bustier for their severe neglect in their duties. Expelling me with the most mediocre and shaky proof. Surely that's a school I should feel safe in! That I should be proud to be a part of. But alas, my preparations for my new school are already done, so oh well."

Marinette shrugged and adjusted her purse strap.

"Anyhow, I wish you all luck with the amazing things Lila has helped you to do! I know it must have been worth ignoring me and convincing me I was crazy. With all of the free time I've had, with you guys practically replacing me with Lila in the group, I've had tons of time to spend with my boyfriend."

"Boyfriend?!" Alya's eyes went owlishly wide as she gaped at Marinette. "But what about Adrien?!"

"Oh Alya, I fell out of love with Adrien forever ago." Marinette shook her head in an almost patronizing way that had Alya's cheeks burning with embarrassment. They didn't even pay attention to Adrien's noises of surprise. "I mean, you claimed I was jealous of Lila getting close to Adrien, that I should let the jealousy go. And you know what? You were right! So I decided Adrien wasn't worth the stress, the embarrassment.. I mean, I couldn't even talk to him straight. I thought he was the most perfect guy in the world! Goodness, did I learn my lesson!"

She giggled as if she found the entire thing amusing. She then beamed at the class.

"Well, ta-ta! I need to get back home and make sure everything is ready to go. I wish you all the best, I really do!"

They all watched, shellshocked as Marinette breezed out of the classroom like it was nothing. Like she wasn't leaving her friends, her school, her life behind. And they all would wonder exactly how badly they screwed up, if she could walk away do easily, without a care.

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