#I'm supposed to be updating my multi-chapter fic but the astarion brainrot is real

[married2avampire]

Hide-and-Seek

This was inspired by someone mentioning that Vampire spawn can climb walls and walk on ceilings without needing a skill check & I thought, “Man, Astarion must be crazy to play hide-and-seek with.”

Contents: Astarion/Gn!Tav, ambiguous Tav, it’s mentioned that Tav does not have the greatest sight in the dark, hide-and-seek in the dark, Astarion scaring the shit out of Tav on purpose, sillies, SFW, super lovey-dovey, so sweet it’ll rot your teeth, takes place after the events of BG3, they are living happily your honor

1.5K words

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Astarion was ridiculously good at hide-and-seek. When you’d first suggested it to him, he’d scoffed. “Childish,” he’d called it while rolling his eyes. But once he got into it he got into it. The two of you had drawn all the curtains tightly closed and blew out all the candles until it was dark in the house to up the stakes. You could see just enough to avoid bumping into the furniture while you searched for Astarion. He was extremely silent. You hadn't even heard him skitter off when you covered your eyes with your hands and began counting down from sixty. Now, as you wandered the house quietly, you tried to listen for any signs of him. Of course, being undead, he didnt even need to breathe. But you were hoping for the slight sound of him adjusting to get more comfortable; the rustle of clothes, something that would give him away. But nothing did.

You check behind the couch and find nothing but dust bunnies. Next, under the table. No, of course, he wouldn't choose something as simple as that. You start looking in more possibly Astarion-sized spots that would have originally deterred you from even checking. Under the kitchen sink — no. The crevice between the armchair and the wall — no. Moving to the bathroom, you check under the sink there as well, and in the bathtub. Both were a no. Well, that left one more place in the house: the bedroom. You could only think of three places he could possibly be; under the bed, inside the wardrobe, or behind the door. The silence was beginning to make you nervous. Usually with how long it was taking, hiders would begin giggling or maybe giving away hints — a tap, a knock, or a whistle. But Astation gave you nothing but dead air. There was nothing behind the door and nothing under the bed. With a smirk, you saunter over to the wardrobe, cooing, “I know you’re in there,” as you swing the doors open and push the clothes on the rack aside. There's no one there. Just the empty wood staring back at you. Your brow furrows as you close the doors and retrace your steps. Was it possible that Astarion had found a hiding spot so creative it was out of your realm of imagination? He knew the rules: no invisibility incantations and no sneaking outside. So how…? “Alright, Astarion, you got me. Give me a hint,” You call out, dumbfounded. Nothing comes. A little irked now, you scoff, “Hellooo? A hint?” as you walk back into the hallway. Something taps your shoulder, making you jump and whirl around. There’s nothing there. How could this be scaring you? You were the seeker! It was supposed to make his pulse race, not yours! Your pupils feel like they’re straining in the dark, eyes wide as you glance around the bedroom again. “I swear you’re not in here. I checked everywhere,” you hiss out loud before you feel that tap on your shoulder again. “Gods! Stop it! It's freaking me out! I don't know how you’re doing that Astation but knock it off.” your voice trembles a little. “D-Did I mention you're not allowed to use mage hand either?” more silence. 

“Look up, you imbecile.” You hear his voice right above you. Your mouth drops as you crane your neck to look up at him sitting criss-cross on the damned ceiling. 

“What in the nine hells!?” You shout. 

“Took you long enough. I was getting rather bored. It’ll be much more fun when I’m looking for you.” He scoots a little closer to the wall and places a hand on it for balance while he pushes off the ceiling and lands back down on the floor with just a slight wobble in his posture. 

“You were… above me the whole time?” you shake your head. “How did you even-,”

Astarion waves a hand. “It’s a vampire thing, darling. You just wouldn't get it. Now, I do believe it’s my turn and I’m rather excited to get on with it. Run along now,” he cups his hands over his eyes and walks back down the hall to the living room. “59, 58, 57,” you hear his voice echo. 

You blink quickly to shake yourself out of your stupor, registering that tidbit of information that Astarion had so lightly brushed off like it was nothing. ‘Oh yeah, it’s whatever, I can just walk on the ceiling,’ you mock him in your mind while you search frantically for a spot. You won't be able to outdo him, you know that. But you think you might at least have a sneaky chance… here. You slip behind the bathroom door. When his back is turned, you’ll sneak out of there and into the living room. 

“Three… two… one,” you hear Astarion reach the final numbers before all goes silent. Damn it. You had not accounted for just how quiet his footsteps were. Peeking through the crack between the door hinge is your only hope of knowing when he actually passes by. The limited vision makes it worse. Way worse. This was just as scary as seeking him had been! Maybe more! You see a silent shape pass by the crevice and wince, holding your breath tightly. “I hear your heart fluttering, my love.” Astarion’s voice rings out in the bedroom. He’d passed right by the bathroom on purpose, hadn’t he…? He’d already guessed your plan! Well, there was no point in letting it go to waste. You slip out from behind the door, heart racing, not even sparing a glance at the bedroom doorway as you try and tiptoe as silently away as you can. It’s no use. You would never be able to be as silent as your companion, who’s on your heel faster than you can let out a yelp. You feel Astarion’s arm loop around your waist before you even hear him. “Caught you,” he whispers next to your ear. 

“Agh! You have the advantage in this game!” you groan. It only makes him laugh. 

“Weren’t you the one who suggested it? How about next time we play a little daytime tag?” 

“Ha ha,” you say sarcastically, knowing full well that you couldn’t play tag with ashes. 

“Mmm,” Astarion nuzzles his nose into your hair, “Don’t sulk. You did such a wonderful job. So determined. I’m quite proud of you.” You can't feel very defeated after that. Basking in Astarion’s affection now… feels like a victory, even though you’d technically lost both times. Spinning in his arms to face him, you laugh softly. “Do I get a prize for winning both times?” He smiles. Even in the dark, you can make out that smile you adore so much. Seeing it for the first time all those many months ago had melted your heart. It still does today. 

“Sure,” you roll your eyes a little, smiling, “What do you-,” You’re cut short when Astarion leans forward to give you a tender little peck on the lips that leaves you feeling just the slightest bit dizzy. You never got tired of that, either. 

“Ohh, my shoulders have been so tense lately,” he begins the dramatics with a sigh, pulling you just a bit closer to him. “I would love those expert hands of yours to loosen them up. Hmm?” he raises a brow expectantly, already knowing you’ll give in to his whims if he butters you up sweetly. Not surprised that he stole a kiss before requesting his real prize, you can't help but laugh. Astarion’s smile drops into surprise. “What’s so funny?” 

“You’re just — ahaha! You're just so cute sometimes.” You coo, tilting your head as you soak up the way your heart feels lighter than air. 

Astarion clicks his tongue. “Cute? I’d say I’m more handsome or… charming. Cute is what you call… well… a cat or-,” It’s your turn to steal a kiss. You hold it a bit longer, humming softly against his lips while your hands snake up his back to knead your fingers against his shoulders, as he’d asked. You didnt know Astarion could relax more into you than he already was, but he does with a pleased sigh and a flutter of white lashes. When the two of you part, you feel him lower his forehead to your shoulder and loop his arms around you just a little tighter. Your fingers work the muscles of his back repetitively. In moments like these, you feel so in love with him that you could shed a couple of tears. Even if you’re standing in the middle of a dark hallway, and your legs are getting tired, you don't care. You savor it, pressing your temple and cheek against him in return. You feel Astarion’s soft curls tickle at your skin, breathe him in, and commit to memory the way he leans against you. His hands twitch, gently tracing circles against your lower back, spelling out words you’d have to ask him later about. For now, he softly whispers, with all his heart, “I love you.” 

You have all those words and more to give in return.