#I'm sort of re-learning how to draw cats

[clanwarrior-tumbly]

Can i request follower!Narinder x follower!reader who's kind heart person? Like they always want to help other even tho they rude to them,and they forgive them eventually but Narinder cannot handle see​ing his spouse being disrespectful.

I want this to be oneshot angst/fluff pls thank you and have a nice day/night🥰

"How goes...your marriage..?"

"Hmph..hello to you too, sister." Narinder rolled his eyes as he sat by the pond with a bowl of stew, hoping for some peace and quiet.

But of course, ever since his siblings arrived into Lamb's cult and learned that he was betrothed to a mortal..he hasn't known such things.

He could tolerate Heket at the very least, since Kallamar was off flirting with gods-know-who, Leshy was on a missionary, and Shamura was reading their usual books.

"It fairs well. I sometimes find it funny.."

"Hm?"

"Shamura surely couldn't have predicted that I would become wedded to a measly mortal..let alone find myself in my vessel's cult. I was to sacrifice them and all of Lamb's followers. Yet when I ended up here..[y/n] was the first to reach out a hand and help me find my place." The black cat huffed. "When others mocked me..they defended my name day and night despite my past transgressions, willing to lookover the fact I once thought of them as nothing but a pawn in my game."

"You've..gotten soft..brother.." Heket lightly teased, earning her a scowl from him. However, something in the distance caught her eyes, and she tensed. "Go."

"What? Go away, you mean?" He blinked in confusion, taken aback by her command as he sneered. "I open my heart up to you, and you have the nerve to-?!"

"[Y/n]." She simply pointed, and he followed her gaze to the drinkhouse where you were trying to help a drunken follower stand on their own two feet.

While you could normally handle that sort of thing, something about it didn't sit right with Narinder. They were acting rather belligerent, babbling nonsense and causing a barrel to topple over, all while refusing to surrender their empty glass.

Only then he remember you were the bartender for today and were trying to close up shop.

He got up, deciding to let Heket finish his stew, and began walking over. His footsteps were silent as to not draw attention to himself.

He wanted to observe how you'd handle the situation.

"Please, go rest." You gently tried to urge the inebriated follower. "You've had enough."

"Don't touch meeeeeee...I ain't-" A hiccup interrupted them as their face became redder, words so slurred you could hardly understand them. "I ain't gonna..go anywherrre.."

"I'm afraid you must, I'm sorry-"

"Nooooo...I don't wanna be handled by some...idiot who slept with the One Who Waits!"

You froze. "Pardon?"

"Whatdya see in that guy anyway? He haaaates us all..he was..gonna kill us, right? And Lamby, too?" They grumbled, now sounding completely serious and irate. "Why don't you wanna be with Lamby? Or me? Or someone who isn't a monster...do ya hate us, too?"

"No, I don't hate anyone." You tried to reassure them. "But it's rude to speak of Narinder that way."

"But his stupid siblings..they...they hurt us so much because of him!" Tears began filling their eyes, their expression growing angrier. "Why did they have to come? What they did to us...was 'cuz of HIM! EVERYTHING is his fault!!!"

"I hear your pain, my friend. I really do. But Lamb believed-"

"WHAT ABOUT WHAT I BELIEVE?!" They raised their empty glass in a threatening manner, and you flinched, taking your hands off their robe in preparation for an attack.

But before anything could happen-

A black paw grabbed their wrist, claws digging into their flesh. Not enough to draw blood, but just enough to make it hurt and divert their attention to a certain angry feline.

"How irritating.." A trio of red eyes pierced through Narinder's veil as he scowled down at the follower. "I don't know whether you're more annoying now or when you're sober. You may scorn Lamb to your heart's content..but to threaten my spouse is a line you'll regret ever crossing. Now go lie down before I make you."

With a nod and a quiet whimper, they shakily set the glass down on the counter. And the moment he let their wrist go, they took off stumbling all the way to their shelter.

You frowned a little. "Darling, it's my job to lead them to-"

"They'll find their own way. Whatever they break can be fixed in no time." Narinder dismissed as he went to clean off the glass, while you plugged up the beer kegs for the night.

But as he rubbed and twisted the rag, he began thinking about what might've happened had he not intervened when he did..and it only made him angrier.

What if the glass was still full and they decided to spill it?

What if they threw it at your head?

What if they left tiny shards in your flesh and caused blood to pour down your face?

What if-?

*crack*

A sudden sharp pain in his paw pad made him wince slightly, realizing that the cup broke apart, a piece of glass now embedded in his own flesh.

Great.

"Oh no, let me take care of that for you, love."

He perked up at your voice, seeing you pull out a pair of tweezers and a roll of bandages from your robe pocket. "I can do it myself, you know."

"And risk getting more blood on the counter?" You pointed out the red splatters on the oak. "Heavens no."

Narinder chuffed, eventually turning his paw over and allowing you to tend to his injury. "Why do you allow them to speak to you that way? And being drunk is no excuse. They knew damn well what they were saying. They've disproved of our relationship from the start."

"So have plenty of others, including your own siblings, Nari. They'll come around eventually. I have all the faith in them."

"[Y/n]..they almost smashed a glass over your head. And I stopped them from doing so." He growled, frustrated at your lack of outrage. "You are content in letting such disrespect continue without punishment? Without consulting Lamb? If we cannot do anything about it, surely they can."

"I will let it go this one time. But only because I believe they won't do it again. I think they learned their lesson thanks to you." You simply reassured him, before you finished wrapping the gauze around his paw.

With a smile, you brought it up to your lips and kissed it, eyes flickering up to him. "You needn't worry, my darling. I am okay."

"...I'm not worrying about anything." Narinder scoffed, having difficulty hiding the blush beneath his fur. "I simply refuse to tolerate imbeciles who make obscene assumptions about us, thinking there'd be no repercussions."

"Of course, but in any case..thank you for coming to my defense."

"Hm.."

"Now come." You gently tugged him away from the drinkhouse, looping your arm around his. "I believe we have some farming plots to attend to. I promised Lamb I'd work on them in Leshy's steed, but what say...you pick out the seeds you wish to plant this time?"

Narinder's ears perked. "Hah. I thought you were about to tell me to gather fertilizer." He chuckled quietly. "You are too good to me sometimes."

"Well, I figured you could use a break. Come, come!"

And so he followed you to the farming area. While he could sense Heket still staring at him, knowing her grin was smug as ever, he didn't care about what she was thinking--or what anybody in the cult was thinking for that matter.

All that he cared about right now was vegetation would prosper best on this warm spring day.

[maskrosfe]

Hi I was wondering what is your thought process to “OC-ify” matsuda to make kenzou who is absolutely wonderful and I love them so very much whenever you share of them!!!

How do you separate your “matsudas” and your “Kenzous” in your head??

As someone trying to “OC-ify” my faves I have been hitting a wall and would like some advice if you are willing to offer some!

Thank you!! I hope you have a lovely day and your art creations are amazing!!

Hello hello, and thank you so much 😊!! This is a really good question actually! I'll do my best to write some thoughts about it and you can feel it out and see if it works for your OC-ifying project! (which is always exciting! OC-ifying Matsuda and others has brought me lots of joy #^_^#)

Intro: At the point in time that I OC-fied Matsuda and the others, I had been drawing them as cats for a bit already. I had experienced prior to this a feeling of "hehe those are my Ocs" when looking at Matsuda, L, Near and Mello especially. However, having suddenly drawn this very stark contrast (colorful catboys) to how they appear in the original work, it made me connect more to the idea that these guys are becoming something else in my head, more or less kickstarting actually OC-ifying them.

Tip 1: I do believe therefore, that if you wish to OC-ify a character, it can be good to pull them toward some sort of extreme to create a contrast to their "original". This helps with giving them a new home in your head, understanding them more as something different than where they started.

For me that process entailed cute-ifying the characters, taking them out of their bleak epic supernatural crime drama and putting them into a colorful world of love and comfort, but it could entail bringing any sort of contrast to the mix. Tip 2: Spending time with the idea of Kenzou also brought him to life: Drawing him, thinking about him, etc. To find out who Kenzou was beyond who Matsuda was, I had to draw him out of me. Like pulling a heavy anchor out of the ocean. Same with Piyara and the others, and I'm still pulling ^_^ so everytime I draw them I learn more about them! You can also make playlists or moodboards, if you enjoy that sort of thing :-)

Tip 3: To find out who Kenzou was I also had to create the world around him. Contrast here helps a aswell, because if I change the world completely, the character changes almost automatically too.

When you're focusing hard on one character, It's sometimes easy to forget how important others + the surrounding world are to who that character is, so I'm tinkering a lot with those around Kenzou to see what they bring out of him. For example, I'm currently pondering a lot about who his friends are, or co-workers. Removing his occupation as a cop and removing his relations to the task force has already changed who he is / who he appears to be a lot. So, worldbuilding! If you want to Oc-ify a character, it brings a lot to the process by also re-making the world you found them in. (with that said, there's no need to abandon the world you found them in, if the world you found them in is part of what you really enjoy about them. If that's the case, try to imagine a different POV in that world perhaps) Tip 4: Seek inspiration from other places *nod nod* What is your character missing in it's original form, that you would like to give them? A lot of times new creations is a mixtape of things we are drawn to, and this is what is so lovely about creation 😤

When I began working on Kenzou as a charatcer, I was very inspired by the ambience of the manga Hirayasumi by Keigo Shinzō, and I think that affected early choices a lot! Conclusion: Alright, phiouw! I think that's a solid summary of my thoughts on the topic for now. Kenzou is the first time I've so shamelessly and directly made a character out of the shell of an already existing one (that's not mine), so I'll probably have more thoughts on the topic in the future. I hope this could be of interest to your own process anon, and that you have lots of fun with the OC-ifying 😊 Thank you for your question and for your love! Best regards from me :-)

[sandybrett]

Here are my completely honest thoughts on a bunch of audio dramas I've checked out. (Don't worry, nothing scathing, they're all reasonably good. But please proceed with caution, or don't proceed, if you're involved in creating any of these shows.)

In the order I first listened:

The Storage Papers: Nine episodes in. A little slow paced, but I've heard it picks up in the later seasons. My only real concern is that it seems like a lot of the horror revolves around "this thing looks sort of like a human but it's Wrong somehow. also it kills people (or cats)." I hope at some point we meet a creature that looks and acts as unsettling as the Grinner but is nice, or at least complicated.

The Cellar Letters: Seven episodes in. I LOVE it. I love the natural-feeling messiness of it, the way Nate and Steve talk in circles and go back and forth on what to believe. It's made me laugh out loud multiple times. I can't wait to learn more about that weird little room full of letters with that one random word written on the wall (I forget what).

400 Words a Horror: Three episodes in. I had to re-listen to the first episode because I hadn't been paying enough attention, but I think that particular episode rewards re-listening anyway. Also it is the only show on this list that genuinely frightens me so I have to pace myself. Very good.

Tin Can Audio Presents: Middle:Below: Two episodes in. I won't say I'm hooked, but I am somewhat interested. It's a lot more relaxing than the other podcasts on this list, so I keep thinking I'll save it for listening closer to bedtime, then not getting around to it.

The Grotto: Six episodes in. Very much enjoying. I was SO proud of myself for correctly guessing the twist in the second episode. I love the characters and am extremely intrigued by the mysteries. My only criticism is that the musical interludes drag on too long. And I'm saying that as a WOE.BEGONE fan.

Soul Operator: Three episodes in. It's good but there isn't any particular element that's drawing me in just yet. There's a lot I don't know about the world yet, though, so there is still plenty of time for me to fall in love with this show. (Irrelevant note: I always get "Smooth Operator" by Sade stuck in my head when I think about this show.)

Shadows at the Door: Listened to half of the first episode. It was somewhat interesting, but I decided I had higher priorities for my listening time than disconnected hour-long episodes that are only *somewhat* interesting.

Archive 81: Five episodes in. Quite possibly going to become a major obsession. It's got everything: playing with point of view; the Power of Storytelling but in a menacing way; vivid character voices; probably a cult. I particularly love the way conversations play out on this show--I don't know exactly how to explain it but there's a certain... friction that happens in real conversations but rarely in fictional ones outside cringe comedy. I don't usually enjoy that sort of thing when it's played for laughs, but for realism or suspense? I eat that up. It does make me a little tense so this is another show I pace myself with and I'm glad the episodes are short.

Alice Isn't Dead: Two episodes in. I'm not going to make it a priority--it's got a similar sort of surrealism to Night Vale, but with higher stakes and less humor, and I had enough trouble getting immersed in Night Vale. I could probably enjoy it if I gave it enough time, but for now I'd rather focus on *gestures at some of the shows above*

The Silt Verses: Listened to the first ten minutes of the first episode and got bored, which I think says as much about me as it does about the show. It does get off to a bit of a slow start and leaves more space between lines of dialogue than most of these shows do, but I could probably get into it with adequate time and sleep. Not prioritizing it, for similar reasons to Alice.

[silverwings22]

Writing Interview Tag Game!

Thank you @annwayne for the tag. This looks like it'll be fun. ^.^

About me

When did you start writing? I really can't remember I time when I wasn't. When we would read storybooks in kindergarten I would try to make up similar ones of my own. (Does that count as baby fanfiction?) As I got older, I'd storyboard ideas, make comics, and write both fanfics and original works just for fun. I wasn't a very social or popular kid, but I had lots of friends in my stories.

Are there different genres or themes you enjoy reading other than the ones you write? I write the themes I love the most: angst, romance, hurt/comfort, and prophecy/fate. I always want to end my stories on a happy note, but I do love a well done break-it ending. I can't bring myself to write mine that way, but I think I put my characters through enough.

Is there an author you want to emulate, or are compared to often? A friend in college told me I write like Tolkien, in that I am descriptive of the settings/characters even when the visual description might not really be necessary. But I'm also a really visual person, so that's how I think. In my original work, I think I'd like to emulate Robert Newcomb. His writing, to me, is very viceral and evocative. I love his "The Fifth Sorceress" series.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space? I used to have a TV dinner tray table and a couch, but when my daughter moved out I turned that spare bedroom into a guest room/office. So it's currently a pop up card table with my laptop, ipad for drawing, and usually a fat black and white longhaired cat laying on my arms while I try to type. Constellation is my co-writer.

What’s your most effective way to muster up a muse? Music. I'll go play through Youtube's suggested songs and write mental AMV's until I get a scene. I have playlists for characters, for stories, for scenes that don't even make sense, but it always comes back to a song. If I hear a new one I like, I'll listen to it again and again until I get an idea.

Did the place(s) you grew up in influence the people and/or places you write about? Oh definitely. I grew up in the American South, and my ideas about family (motherhood especially) are very influenced by my raising and the culture I grew up in. There's good and bad sides to it, which I try to explore in my writing.

Are there any reoccurring themes in your writing? If so, do they surprise you? Found family and motherhood, generational trauma, and breaking cycles. Those were intentional. I sort of accidentally stumbled onto the theme of "lovers get separated and have to re-learn each other and fall in love all over again" but I really like it. So I'm gonna keep writing it, and I hope people keep liking it.

Characters

Would you please tell me about your current favorite character? Well, I'm currently working on a Hunter Bad Batch fic, so I'm pretty fixed on the female OC lead. Vayryn Vale. This poor girl. I decided to play around with the idea of a dyad in the Force and that Anakin Skywalker was made by Darth Plaguis messing with the Dark Side, so she's the answer from the Light. She's Forceborn, and considers herself his sister. She's the responsible one between the two of them, but they're inseparable as kids. Shenanigans and the lives of the party ensue, right up until the war starts. Her Master is Ima-gun Di. Take from that what you will.

Which of your characters would you be friends with in real life? Miria Halcyon and Shiani Illumai, absolutely. I like to think I'd make friends with Vayryn too, but her later character development is a study into my own struggle with PTSD and abandonment issues so I'm not sure if she'd like me. I think I'd get along with Angel Gar and Zenaria Kenobi too, and I'd volunteer to babysit all the OC babies.

Which characters would you dislike the most of you met them? I don't know that I'd dislike any of my characters outright. I try to make them at least a little likeable, because I put a little of my heart into all of them. Even when they're being disagreeable, there's always an underlying and usually sympathetic reason in the background. That said, Vayryn is a little mean to Hunter for a while.

Tell me about the process of coming up with your characters? I see a canon character. I become obsessed. I decide what kind of person I think they'd mesh with romantically, based on either canon or what I extrapolate from canon and my very surface-level understanding of psychology. Then I write a back story on what would make a person have that kind of personality, introduce them to the canon character, and then throw situations at them that ruin their lives until I've decided they've earned a happy ending. In hindsight, I don't sound unhinged. I sound like I'm not attached to the door frame anymore.

Do you notice any reoccurring themes/traits in your characters? You either die someone's sad daughter or live long enough to see yourself become a good mom. Abandoned or orphaned characters. Chronic illness, either mental or physical. Nightmarishly low self esteem. And scars. So many scars.

How do you picture your characters? I love to doodle. I'm still teaching myself to draw on Procreate on my ipad, but I pencil-draw all the time at work at my desk. There's an accordion folder in my bedroom just full of concept art and doodles. Some make it into the fics, some don't.

My writing

What’s your reason for writing? Regrettably, I am haunted by the wretched visions. My brain cannot, will not, must not shut up. If I write them, I can focus the unending brain background chatter. If I don't... well, I get very distracted, crabby, and anxious. I am not kidding when I say haunted by the vision, I mean HAUNTED by the visions. Possessed by the creative spirit that cannot be denied. Utterly helpless in the face of my own imagination. Ya'll, I'm autistic, okay?

Is there any specific comment or type of comment from readers that you find particularly motivating? I love comments. Any comment, on any chapter, just makes my day. Even if it's just smilie faces, knowing that someone is reading this thing that fell out of my head and enjoying it? Peak happiness. Unfathomable delight. That being said, my favorite are the ones where someone swears at me. When the fic hits just right that someone is compelled to send me "how could you, you bitch?" cracks me up every time. I run ideas by my best friend just to get cussed.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers? Well, I hope they enjoy my writing to start off. But I hope they feel comfortable engaging with me, and I hope they think I'm a nice person. I like talking to other people in the fandom (I'm shy, but I'll respond) and I hope I come across as encouraging to other writers. The tumblr community is a cozy little place for me, and I'm by nature a mom-friend.

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer? I'm not scared of the nitty-gritty topics. PTSD, disability, social prejudice/racism, domestic violence, sexual abuse, etc. A lot of people in fandom don't want to touch that stuff with a 10ft pole (and they shouldn't have to if they're not comfortable with it, I'm not saying they should.) but I think that there is a niche market of people who really need those stories. Those who have been suffering from said issues can see themselves in the story, and see their heroes rise above those circumstances. I've been told my writing can get dark, but I think the darkness shows us where light can be. And I tag my fics so no one gets caught off guard. I don't want to hurt anyone.

Have you been told what is your greatest strength as a writer is by others? I've been told I'm pretty good at emotional delivery. And sibling banter, which I better be good at because I'm one of 13 kids!

How do you feel about your own writing? I love it. I hate it. I want everyone to see it. I want to hide it in a drawer forever. I want to be a famous author. I want to be a hermit and never see the light of day. Writing is both my greatest achievement and biggest source of stress. But I've made some really wonderful friends throughout the years. My best friend and roommate I actually met because he read a Naruto fanfic I wrote when I was 15. @daytodaycrowthoughts I love you!

If you were the last person on earth, would you still write? Yup. Haunted by the wretched visions, even alone. Actually, I might get more writing done because if I don't have someone else to look after, I'll forget to eat/drink water/pee/sleep. So I might not survive very long, but I'll be writing until then.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, do you write purely for yourself, or is it a mix of both? I always write the scenarios of what I want to write, but sometimes I'll go back over the wording/how it plays out and consider how it would read to an outside perspective. Especially with those "nitty gritty" dark scenarios. I don't want to write trauma porn, I want to treat the tragedy as what it is and make it the monster to be defeated in the end. I do sometimes worry that readers will think I'm a total monster just because of how dark the stories can get.

If you're reading, consider yourself no-pressure tagged. ^.^

[pvtchurch]

15 people 15 questions

thanks to @simmyfrobby and @sergeifyodorov for the tags. my fandom mom and dad (affectionate)

sorry this got long (also sorry for that joke, joy and cody, I regretted it as soon as I typed it)

1. are you named after anyone? short answer, no. long answer, I'm named after a goddess, but it wasn't with the goddess in mind that I was named, it just sort of ended up that way. and I chose aleksandar because of the protagonist of a book.

2. when was the last time you cried? ok this one was funny. I was watching one of the tsn(?) promo vids they did for the pwhl. there was a girl, I don't even know who she is, but I had the most intense thought like "WHY AM I SO OBSESSED WITH HER" and I was TEARING UP!!!! so the tl;dr is that I am a lesbian and I like girls

3. do you have kids? no but I think about it a fair amount like... that's definitely not something that is possible for me but I love kids!!!

4. what sports have you played/do you play? as a kid I did a bit of soccer, ballet, contemporary dance and nothing really stuck... then in high school I discovered endurance running and it actually Changed My Life. then I got an injury before running my first 10k. which was a shame. and now I've not really picked it up again, but I do freestyle wrestling!! which is a TON OF FUN & I hope to keep at it for a long time

(I do still find soccer fun to this day I'm just terribly unskilled at it and sometimes get the urge to join 12 year olds playing it in the park)

5. do you use sarcasm? yes

6. what's the first thing you notice about people? if they look friendly. I don't know.

7. what's your eye colour? brown AF

8. scary movies or happy endings? and what if I want my horror movie to end well??

9. any talents? I can sing... I like drawing when I can set my mind to it. I don't write enough but I really like my writing style : )

10. where were you born? montréal, québec BABY!!!!

11. what are your hobbies? doing nothing on the computer. listening to obscure music. making mashups. watching sports (obviously). PHYSICAL ACTIVITY!! language learning and uhh, reading and drawing on occasion

12. do you have any pets? four! dog. cat. two rats (chucky and freddy. I talk about them sometimes)

13. how tall are you? an unfortunate 5 feet and 3 inches tall

14. favourite subject in school? history or english. or french, honestly depends. english I didn't have to put any work in (ESL is deeply unserious (we were learning verb conjugations in TENTH GRADE!!!???)). history was fun when we talked about something I liked (war history. and also I liked the teacher). french I could also get away with not doing anything because I was the best student in the class. Um. math was fun honestly? did a bit of html & js in college before dropping out, loved it also,.

15. dream job? so re: question 3 & question 4. my dream job would be to coach kids at wrestling, honestly. I love teaching & I love kids but I won't be going back to school to become a teacher, but being able to teach a sport would be, I think, the most fun I could have in a job... as of right now my current job plan is to go become what is essentially a handyman. it pays and I would like doing it!

I won't tag 15 people but @one4theoverlypassionate, @nicohischier, @dacchamp, @pink-car, @nastybastian, @ineffag-swag, @glitchcel, @jimothystu... if you haven't done this! (and sorry if you have. I'm not as online as I used to be 😭)

[doe-art]

Finally got around to drawing an OC I haven’t drawn yet!!!

Her name is Flumina, and she’s starting to get a little sick of how dense Mathias can get

[scoundrels-in-love]

I'm late for the party, but I guess it'll give you a distraction the next time you want one ^^. So... 28, 29, 30, 33, 45 and 50 (or at least one you really like lol) ... love ya!

28. i’ll love you if…

I will assume this is meant platonically because romantically a) might not be possible or b) I’ve not found yet.

I will love you as a dear friend if you speak to me, about things I love and things you love - they don’t have to necessary overlap entirely or even that much. But something common to start off friendship is good. If we can goof around. If we can be honest and sometimes not be at our best, smiling selves with each other. I will especially be happy if you sometimes reach out to me first, instead of me having to do it, for no reason at all other than hope you have a good any-period-of-time or anything of the sort. I think, it all boils down to being able to communicate. And there’s like, no one set of cut-out for that, with some people it will be more on lighter side or on more philosophical conversations or mix of all, or it progresses and changes, but at the bottom of it all, we talk. And it’s very important to me that your life and change of interests in the long run don’t sweep me away as relic of the past. Because I can try to keep contact up and reignite it only so many times.

Also, it’s very very good if you love animals and nature, I don’t get along with someone who is purposely cruel to any of those. And if you endure my changing but really weird-ass humor sense and can play off of it, yeah, you’re definitely on adored-so-much list.

29. favourite film(s) 

I don’t have a solid list of those, to be honest, but at this moment, I’d say Rogue One, Fly Away Home and if it endures a re-watch then Never Cry Wolf.

30. favourite tv show(s) 

Should this include kdramas or not, haha? If not, then some things I love, even if I am aware of their downfalls and even if I straight up stopped actively watching them: Once Upon a Time.  Stranger Things. The Mentalist. Brooklyn 99. Grimm. Constantine. Call the Midwife. (We never got to watch that last season with mom...) For various reasons, I have grown attached to them or the characters, on level even when I leave fandom behind, I carry them on with me and they mark a time in my life, a mindset. Discussions with mom and friends.

For kdramas, I’d say Just Between Lovers, Goblin, It’s Okay That’s Love, Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo (if it endures a rewatch, even more so.) There is more, for sure, but I don’t want to ramble too  much. I already did list so many of these overall.

33. something you want to learn 

So, so many things. More languages. How to draw & gif more. How to play guitar. How to take photos better. How to organize my life. How not to feel so guilty. How to formulate dreams and achieve them. How to translate & write better and actually get either done, especially writing. And more, and more.

45. how you found out about your idol 

Gabiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. You literally know this story (even if through bits and pieces) and you’re still making me come out and admit I have an idol/bias? I am not even sure if idol is meant in more western sense as someone I would aim for being more alike, so this is complicated, haha.

Well, you know, heck that, you’re going to be in for a long answer. Under cut now because it really did get lengthy.

My first and foremost, in western sense, idol would be my mom. I did idolize her as a kid, to point I fervently wished and prayed for some of her experiences, features and quirks. Be careful what you wish for, though. Growing up I realized a lot of it came with heavier luggage than I realized and also different ways of reacting to it because as alike we were in some ways, I was, am not and will not be her copy.

Idolizing her is not something she encouraged in any way, it’s just something that happened. In some ways, perhaps it is still my view of her, though she always viewed me as her equal and I am aware of her faults, I know the broken and ugly side of things. But she is still someone I am in awe of in a lot of ways and someone I wish I could be like. Knowing her was a journey and one I took an untimely pause on right before the end and one I did not document well enough and I will always regret it all.

As for my Korean idols... I found out about Junho’s existence through his work in a drama, Just Between Lovers. I knew he was in a kpop group, but honestly did not really care and it made me even more apprehensive about starting the drama because who has not heard the stories of idol actors... Even if there are plenty of shining examples, too. But I gave the amazing drama a try and fell for his acting, the way he really lived and breathed his role, and also how he seems to be in every interview and tidbit of media I’ve come across. He is hard working and down to earth in some ways, but goofball in others, and realizes he still has a lot to learn and does so.

I learned about Sungjin at the end of last year, when a friend began trying to drag me into kpop and I started listening to random kpop mixes. The first song of Day6 made me instantly stop and pay attention, watch the mv and even check comments to find out more about them. I might have even checked their kpop profile site! But, despite the spark of interest, I did not pursue it further at the time. And then things happened and I got to know him in all his nonsense glory as well as hat a hardworking and talented person he is, while not being ‘stuffy’ and unreachable as we sometimes feel about admired writers or other creators in western media (the appeal of Korean idol culture, really, is that you get to see your idols truly human, though twitter and such has been doing good job of making western idols more ‘in-touch/reachable’ as well.) He is such a sincere, thoughtful, encouraging while still obviously genuine person who is always out to support and encourage us and I don’t know what exactly made me reach the tipping point of truly coming to admire him as a person, feeling drawn to him, but I do know when I realized it had happened, haha.

In some aspects, they sort of overlap with western concept of idol, because I do wish I could be more like them, so relentlessly going for my dreams even when life throws you right into a ditch or tosses you an unexpected, sharp turn.  Keeping my integrity and artistry as a person through thick and thin, despite all pressure from outside. And really truly not giving up and accepting that learning to love oneself is a journey that might take time (lifetime even), but still embark on it. To excuse

50. favourite picture of your idol

Unfair, unfair, unfair. I honestly don’t even reblog a lot of those pretty shots of my faves, not to assault my friends’ dashes (I have some self restraint. I do.), but I will have a look ‘round my blog - there’s definitely some things I couldn’t resist reblogging. :P You’ll probably get a small collection, oops.

(Dark hair, leather jacket, that rough door bg, vulnerable but tough at the same time.... A Look.)

This whole set because. Look. It’s so Pure and Cute, I almost feel alive again looking at it.

I think this doesn’t need extra explanations. So soft, so nicely dressed, Just.

Also have this entire Junho & Cats collection, I especially love the staircase ones.

Okay, that’s enough of Junho, here’s some of my favorite Bear, because I am all for equality. Except the most Sungjin-ness can be mostly expressed in gifs, so I keep scrolling and scrolling through this tag that’s definitely too long to actually stand proof of any self-restraint... but do any of you know how many pictures I DID spare ya’ll of??

Smiling like sunshine, wearing his name AND bear pin?? Like it started as a joke, but he’s embraced it, I love it. Also he just looks so warm and happy in this.

Dark hair, leather jacket, purple shirt.... I dunno, that’s one powerful combo of my favorite things, even if I question the style of the shirt itself. Also, again, such a wonderful smile??

He is staring right into my soul, oh no. Also you can truly appreciate his earrings. Double oh no. Triple oh no at this smile:

Just some prime judging & eating combo, very powerful:

This entire face journey.

And this, for reasons.

It has amazing energy somehow.

(All credits to respective owners, they’re all on my blog.)

Annnnnnnnnd that’s it, folks. If you really did read to the bottom,

Ask me a question?