#I'm sorry but she made my life a living hell for five months and took a lot from me lmao while slandering me the entire time

[whenyouwishuponastar7]

I told someone there would be an ER bracelet picture a few days ago and I'm glad manipulative liars all work in the same, predictable ways. I have nothing nice to say as I'm enraged that she thinks she'll be welcomed back here and doesn't think she's done anything, let alone apparently has nothing to apologize for. She said a lot, but very little, and what little there was only asked for you to feel sorry for her. Oh, and what makes her happy. Do not give her your sympathy or pity because Apple has done nothing but seek those when she knows she has fucked up. I have seen so many screenshots of her begging for pity and sympathy as she twists situations to her advantage. DO. NOT. GIVE. IT. TO. HER. She has done FAR worse than what's been posted and she fucking knows it. Her ER story is filled with red flags and is bereft of key information. I say that as someone who has been there and as someone who has been in ERs countless times because of my health issues. Apple is, and always will be, the biggest victim in her eyes. Nothing she says or does is wrong and if you have a problem with it, oh well, she'll get someone else to attack you. I hope those people are few and far between now. I don't care if I seem callous about this. I'm looking at an abusive, gaslighting, manipulative, ableist, transphobic (and worse) liar only continuing the same patterns and I hope you all are as well. The stories people have shared about her abhorrent behavior aren't less important because Apple said she had to go to the ER and needs therapy now. Guess what I've done in therapy? Discussed Apple's affect on my mental health from August until now. I don't want her making our fandom unsafe. Too many people are still scared of her and this will only make them more frightened. And that's a damn shame. The only thing I wish for her to do is be honest. If she doesn't want to own this or even apologize here, fine. But if she goes to therapy, I wish for her sake that she is honest, so she gets help and stops being such a cruel person. Apple, get the help you need. But don't come back to all of the people you harmed. I can't count them on two hands anymore and that's just those of us who have shared our stories; others haven't. We don't want you here.

[ashwhowrites]

can i request a little bit of angst?

eddie is in his late twenties, finally got his shit together, a baby on the way with reader! and eddie’s OLDER brother shows up. he’s an asshole, exactly like their dad, tries hitting on reader, crashes on their couch, makes eddies life hell then it all comes to a head and they end up fighting!

I really love this request!!! 🫶🏻

Never proofread

I hope this is what you wanted, thank you for requesting <3

Happy ending

~~~

If there was one thing in life Eddie didn't think he'd ever achieve, it was getting his life together. He never thought he'd make it out of the trailer park. And he definitely never thought he'd have a wife by his side and a baby on the way.

It took Eddie a long time to get on his feet. Selling drugs and living with his uncle was not the future he wanted for himself. He used his dirty money and got himself a shitty apartment, in the corner of the dirtiest neighborhood, but it was all his. And being on his own was something he could be proud about.

~~~

He was living in that apartment for around five years when he met Y/N. She moved into the apartment next to him, struggling to carry boxes through the front door. Eddie was happy he lived on the first floor, easily walking out behind her, trying his best to not seem creepy.

She turned around and screamed as she saw him. A hand over her chest. Eddie jumped at the scream, hands in the air to show he meant no harm.

"I am so sorry! I just wanted to see if you needed help." He offered with the friendliest smile he could manage.

Who would have thought in three years, he would have been marrying that girl.

~~~

Marriage life was the best thing Eddie has experienced, and he felt that fatherhood would be the same. He never knew how badly he craved a family until he was on the path of creating his own. He could start fresh, start a new family tree of the Munson name. A name that didn't have to be originated from prisoners, dealers, and being poor. He wanted the Munson name to be carried on through generations, with all good things behind it. Having a wife like Y/N take his name, told him he had a strong beginning.

She was around six months, her belly growing by the day. Together they made enough to buy a small home, in a safer neighborhood. Nothing too flashy, but it was their home and it meant everything. Eddie gagged at the thought of a white picket fence but he loved seeing it shine in the morning sun when Y/N watered the plants.

The nursery was nearly finished. The walls painted baby pink, and the furniture white. Eddie's favorite bands posted on the walls. He claimed their daughter needed to get her music journey started right away.

Eddie was the happiest he's ever been until an unwelcome visitor showed up at his door.

Y/N knew everything about Eddie, except his family. She knew Uncle Wayne and that was all. She respected that Eddie was private about his family and that he didn't care to share who they are.

So Y/N stood in shock when an older man stood at her door, the same shade of brown as her husband. A similar smile on the man's face, and a slightly bigger version of Eddie's nose.

"I'm looking for my brother," the man stated, looking her up and down. A tiny smirk on his face. But his smirk didn't give her butterflies, it made her stomach turn in a bad way.

She screamed for Eddie, a polite smile on her face. The longer Eddie took the more nervous she got.

"How far are you?" The man questioned, his hand reaching for her stomach.

She took a big sigh of relief when Eddie's hand shot out and stopped the man's touch from touching her. He stood in front of her. Completely blocking her view from the stranger.

"Little E, how the hell are you?" The stranger asked

"What are you doing here?" Eddie snapped. She watched as his body was stiff, she slipped her hand in his back pocket and stood on the side of him.

"Got out of jail, needed a place to crash. Wayne is going out of town and doesn't trust me alone in his place." The man rolled his eyes as he finished his sentence.

"I don't blame him since the last time you did you trashed it," Eddie said, his jaw was tight and his face was hard.

"Come on, E, help a brother out."

~~~

Eddie wasn't sure why he said yes, but he already regretted it watching the way his brother's eyes were glued to his wife.

"Quit staring," Eddie snarled, using his foot to kick him under the table.

Y/N hummed in the kitchen as she checked the chicken. Trying her best to keep her attention off of the two men at the dining table. She felt her body shudder underneath Michael's stare.

"Quite a woman you got there," Michael said, sipping on his beer

Eddie didn't say anything, accepting the silence instead.

Y/N smiled as she placed the food on the dinner table. Putting together a plate for Eddie and placing it in front of him.

"Gonna make me a plate, pretty girl?" Michael winked, his hand reaching forward to her wrist. She gulped and looked nervously at Eddie.

"Leave her alone." Eddie snapped

Michael put his hands up in surrender, making his own plate.

The three sat in silence.

~~~

Michael has been crashing on the couch for the past week, and every day he was getting on Eddie's last nerve.

Y/N worked from home and spent most of the day in her office, Eddie worked at a car dealership. He hated leaving for work and leaving her alone with Michael. He didn't trust Michael but Eddie's boss would also kick his ass for not showing up.

He kept his phone on him at all times, reminding Y/N to call the second she needed him to come home.

~~~

Michael said he found a friend to crash with and would be leaving shortly. Asking Y/N if she would help him clean his clothes and pack up his belongings. She honestly felt too scared to tell him no, silently scooping up his clothes and bringing them to the small laundry room. She excused herself to head into the shower. Eddie would be home within minutes so she felt safe to be in a vulnerable state, checking twice to make sure the door was locked.

~~~

Eddie pulled up in the driveway, bracing himself for another night of trying not to kill Michael with his bare hands. He walked in to see his house trashed, the cushion torn apart, and the cupboards all thrown open, he heard shuffling around in the bedroom. He raced to the noise to see Michael digging through their drawers.

"What the fuck? Are you trying to rob us?" Eddie asked in disbelief, Michael's backpack was filled with random items. Eddie yanked the bag out of his grip, dumping it all out on the bed.

He felt his blood boil when Y/N's ring fell out. But once his brain caught up with seeing the ring, his blood felt cold. She ONLY took it off when she was in the shower. Eddie turned his eyes to Michael, immediately shoving him against the wall.

"Where did you grab the ring?" He prayed with everything in him that she left it in the bedroom.

"She had it sitting on the bathroom counter, she couldn't see me with her back to me. Really hit the jackpot there, Eddie. Shes' smoking."

Eddie felt his stomach turn, he felt like he could throw up at any moment.

"You fucking pig. Don't talk about her." Eddie barked, twisting Michael's shirt in his grip.

"A really nice ass, I bet her tits ar-" But Eddie kicked Michael in the stomach before he could finish.

~~~

Y/N heard a commotion in the bedroom, fear in her stomach as she got covered herself in a towel and called Wayne. Racing out of the bathroom to see Eddie on top of Micahel, screaming and punching.

"OH MY GOD, EDDIE" She panicked, she knew getting in the way would put the baby in danger, but she has never seen Eddie so out of control.

The sound of her scream caused Eddie to freeze, and both men looked to see her.

"Eddie, stop," She said calmly. She placed her hand out, offering him to stand up. He took a deep breath and got off of Michael. Grabbing his bag and throwing it on him.

"You are out." Eddie snarled

Michael coughed as he tried to move his beaten-up body. Eddie rolled his eyes and dragged Michael to his feet.

"I have his clothes," Y/N said, quickly running out to the laundry room.

Michael smirked as Eddie looked over at him.

"What asshole?" Eddie asked.

"I see why you knocked her up. When she was bent over that washing machine." Michael groaned, rubbing himself over his jeans.

Eddie lost it again, immediately throwing his body on his.

Y/N came back with the clothes to see Michael unconscious, but the look in Eddie's eyes was unrecognizable.

She didn't fear him, but she was worried for him.

She breathed a sigh of relief when Wayne came through the door, yanking Eddie off of Micahel.

"Hey, hey, look at me," Wayne instructed, grabbing the sides of Eddie's face, forcing his eyes to look at him.

Eddie's body was shaking, his knuckles cut open, and his breathing was quick and harsh.

Eddie locked his eyes on Waynes, allowing himself to calm down.

"I'll take care of him, hug your wife and go clean up."

Eddie listened in seconds, turning around to throw himself in his wife's arms. Allowing her to hide in his neck. She rubbed his back and cooed in his ear.

She took him to the bathroom to clean up his hands. Kissing each knuckle as she cleaned the blood.

"I'm sorry I let him stay here." Eddie sighed, he couldn't believe he was that dumb. He watched Wayne do the same thing with Eddie's dad for years, and yet he did the same thing.

"Don't be. You wanted to help and that was sweet of you." She said, standing between his legs as he sat on the counter.

They heard the front door close, Wayne and Michael officially gone.

"I'm sorry my family is a mess, this I why I never wanted you to know them." He added. His hands reached down to rub her stomach.

"Wayne is your family, I'm your family, and she is your family. That's the only family I care to know. Wayne raised the man I love and he is the only one I need to know. I have the two best Munsons in my life." She said, leaning up to peck his lips.

"Well, I get to have three." He smiled, kissing her back and his hand stayed on her stomach.

This was his real family.

~~~

tags!

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @slightlyvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @manyfandomsfanvergent @silky-luxe @lokiofasgard616 @loving-and-dreaming @eddiemunsonsbitch69 @thegemaqua @ashlynnkennedy @strangerthingsstories5255 @harringt8ns @pleasinghellfire @whoscamila

[sleepdeprivedactor]

Four Friends Chapter 1

Ringing. That's what Demi heard. A phone ringing. It was coming from her nightstand. She picked it up and looked at the caller ID. Meu sol. My sun. Sean. It was Sean who was calling her.

“Sean? Why are you calling me at…” she looked at her alarm clock. “11 o’clock at night? I have to get up at like, five for the debate team meeting.”

“Oh my god, I completely forgot. I am so, so sorry Demi. I just…needed to talk to someone. My parents are fighting.” Sean’s voice was shaky.

“Again? That’s like…the third time this week. What’s it about this time?”

“It’s just…Complicated. Can I come over? Please. I know it’s late, but I can’t be alone right now. They’re both yelling a lot and i…I'm scared. I’m really scared.”

“I…You know what, fuck the debate team. I can miss one day. You want me to wake up Ellis and call Lia? Our parents are still out of town on that business meeting.”

“No. I just wanna be with you right now. Don’t get me wrong, I love Ellis and Lia, but I just need to be with my girlfriend.” Sean pleaded.

“Okay. I’ll unlock the back door.” The call ended. Demi sighed, and left her bedroom. It was going to be another long night.

The back door clicked open. Sean entered the small house. his caramel brown hair was a mess. His cheeks were red, and there were bags under his eyes. He had obviously been crying.

“Amor, what took you so long? I’ve been waiting for at least 20 minutes.” Demi’s voice was littered with concern. He only lived two blocks away. It shouldn’t have taken him that long to get there.

“I know. I’m sorry.”

“You’re a mess.”

“I am not a mess.”

“I can tell you’ve been crying. Don’t lie to me.” Tears were already forming in Sean’s eyes. He was shaking slightly. Demi opened her arms and he collapsed into her embrace. “Are you hurt?”

“No.”

“What happened? Why are your parents fighting?” Demi cupped Sean’s cheeks with her hands. He instantly melted into her touch.

“The divorce. That’s all they ever talk about.  My dad’s trying to take the house and me. My mom’s freaking out.” His voice cracked.

“Let’s go up to my room, I don’t wanna accidentally wake up Jake or Ellis. Then you can tell me what happened. If you want, of course. I’m not gonna force you to say anything you don’t want to.” Demi interlocked her hand with Sean’s and squeezed it gently. He flashed her a forced smile, tears still streaming down his face. “You don’t have to fake a smile for me, amor.” Demi held her lover as he continued to cry. Sean wasn’t normally like this. He never cried, unless something was really bad. She knew the divorce was making Sean’s mental state plummet, but she never knew how bad it could get. He usually kept her away from his home life.

The pair eventually made their way to Demi’s room. Demi pulled up a chair, and Sean sat at the edge of her bed. “Okay. You wanna tell me what happened?” She asked.

“My dad came home late again and they just started…screaming.” Demi stretched out her hand, and rested it on Sean’s. She had known his parents weren’t in the happiest relationship, but she never thought it was that bad.

“Is that why you called me?” She asked him.

“I…I can’t take it anymore. I’ve been dealing with them for over four months. I just want it all to be over.”

“Hey hey hey. Don’t think like that. Things’ll get better.” She said, getting up and sitting next to him. She wrapped her arms around him, and pulled him into a tight hug. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, you didn’t do anything w-” She was stopped mid sentence by the sound of her door clicking open. On the other side of it was none other than her twin brother, Ellis.

“Oh. Am I interrupting something?” He asked. 

“Piss off. We’re trying to have an emotional moment right now.” Said Sean, flipping him off.

“Real mature, Sean.” Ellis said with a yawn. “Anyways, what the hell are you doing here? Parents still fighting?”

“Yeah. I called Demi when they started fighting, and now…well, I'm here.” Ellis stared at Sean for a minute, before turning to walk away.

“Ok. No funny business you two.” He said with a cackle, causing both Demi and Sean’s faces to turn red. Sean wrapped his arms around Demi.

“Thank you. Thank you so much.” He said, causing Demi to smile.

“Of course.”

Chapter 2

[eeveelotions]

a life update

cw/tw, pet death mention, depression, suicidal thoughts, toxic home relationship

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so. I've kinda dropped off since the new year. been meaning to update you guys (gender neutral) but, well. it's been hard. so let me give you a summary of the first twelve days of 2023 for me

-girldriend broke up with me

-my own words caused a best friend to stop being friends with me. it's my fault. maybe if I apologized and begged, I could fix it.

-two weeks ago, on a Monday, the day classes for school started, I took my cat and emotional Support animal, Alfred, to the vet in-between classes

-alfred already had hypothyroidism, high blood pressure and kidney disease, and was on approximately three meds (two pills and a packrt of gel stuff for his kidneys)

-at the vet, they determined he has pancreatitis, hip and back arthritis (which is why he sits and walks weird), and one of his few remaining teeth is starting to go bad

-pancreatitis, I could handle. another pill, no problem, it's fine

-but the arthritis. he's in pain, and has been for I don't know how long.

-the only pain medicine is a shot they give him, which is 75 dollars once a month, not including the price of his other medications, wet cat food from lack of teeth, and check ups

-so, I. I made the decision, and I'm putting him down March 14th. its spring break, a Tuesday, so I can spend one full day with him, and not miss work or school while grieving

-we went back and forth for about an hour before I blew up, saying I was managing it, I was going to keep him comfortable while I processed it, then went to class

-went home, told my mom. she yelled at me, said I was being selfish for keeping him alive for so long. made me feel guilty for considering cremation, I wasn't being fair to Alfred

-two days of peace while my uncle was visiting

-thursday morning before class. I came downstairs, we talked, normal. then she said that it seemed like I cared more about my cat dying than when my grandma, her mother passed in 2021.

-for context, I was close with my grandmother. I visited her once or twice a month for almost a year prior to her passing, and it was incredibly hard on me. I took the whole week leading up to the funeral off of work.

-i guess my mom didn't remember, because she had the AUDACITY to tell me I didn't take a grieving period for my grandma, then she got upset when I said "how dare you"

-then I went off to class, and texted a friend whom had offered to let me move in with their family in the past, if the offer was still on the table and how it would work.

-ive lived here for two weeks now. it's a longer commute to and from work and school, but I havent been yelled at in two weeks as of tomorrow

-prior to 2023, I lost two cats in 2022. Family cat Smokey in August, baby 2yo kitten Princess in October.

-march 14th, the day I'm putting and have scheduled to put Alfred down, is eight days before my birthday.

-i still have class and homework. I have a comm I need to finish, and the person has been so understanding, but I feel awful

-i can't write. I've tried. gods, I've tried. I'm adding small tidbits onto current drafts, but it's so hard. I can't handle angst at all, and that puts several projects on hiatus

-im crying every few days because it hits me that my best friend, my constant companion, will be gone in less than two months

-Alfred is 12ish, I've had him for four years. five in August, but he. won't be here then.

-he was a rescue, so I don't know his true age. everyone, vet included, thinks he may be older.

-vet said nobody would judge me for my decision, and based on Alfred's medical condition and chart, I wasn't making a wrong one

-ive never had to put a cat, or any pet, down before. never had to make the decision myself.

-ive struggled with suicidal thoughts and major anxiety the past few weeks. I'm trying my hbest, but.

-im tired.

tldr: my life is going to hell and will be hell well into the year, and I'm sorry about the sudden halt of fics and posting. I'll try to write what I can when I can, but. no promises, unfortunately

if you got this far, thanks. I appreciate it.

[buckybarnesdiaries]

who the hell is mark hamill?

bucky barnes x fem!reader. ⎢ masterlist.

wrong date finishing with a good night.

word count: 776.

warnings: none.

author notes: none of my stories contain reader's body descriptions to be inclusive. feedback is appreciated, please, leave a comment to let me know if you liked it and/or reblog it.

tag list: join the tag list.

The date had turned out to be a horrible night. You had been exchanging texts with David since a month ago. He seemed like a good guy, interesting, empathic, and a little hilarious. You weren't thinking about having a relationship with him, it was too soon for that, but at least you thought you could have some fun. Until he started to talk about his ex-girlfriend. Five years of relationship, a dog, a house. His life was perfect, but hers wasn't and she left him. Taking advantage that David needed to go to the bathroom, the bartender —a man who could be your father— walked straight to your table.

“Tell you what, you're going to leave and I will tell him you had an emergency”.

Pressing your lips in a smile to contain a laugh, because it was very obvious you weren't having a good time, he pointed to the main entrance with his head.

“I've heard too many times my daughter complaining about these online dates... C'mon, kid, go home”.

“Thank you”. You snickered at his words, sounding exactly like your dad.

Not needing him to tell you twice, you made a run for it wearing your jacket and your purse with the strap crossing your chest. You never raced so fast, not looking back when you turned to the left at the closest corner, once outside of the restaurant. You didn't stop until you were far enough. You took your phone from a pocket to block him from any social media, texting afterward your friends waiting for some news from your new crush.

you: can u fcking believe he almost CRIED for his ex ????? i ran away helped by the damn bartender

you: may god cut ma fcking fingers next time i log on tinder

anna banana: wut?

izzy cheesy: sorry ??

lucky luke: girl, you're fucking kidding me

anna banana: for real?

baby jack: run bitch run

izzy cheesy: come home loser therapy time

you: later, i need a damn drink, i'm too sober for this shit

You locked your phone, puffing a little, and walked into the first bar you found opened. Not caring about the people there, nor the music, nor the strong smell of alcohol. It was a place somewhat dark, with dim lights and rock playing from the ceiling. Your device rang and vibrated in your hand, raising it to read the failed-date's name on it. “Fuck no”, you thought to yourself hanging the call. It was too late for you and too late for the guy you crashed with to avoid the beer he was holding to stain his black sweater.

“Oh, shit! I'm so, so sorry”. You apologized covering your mouth with both hands, laying your eyes on the others squinting at you. The most beautiful ones you had seen in your life.

“It's, uh… It's okay. It… It doesn't matter”. He excused himself trying to clean it with his gloved free hand.

The man within a short distance from you beamed with a very cute gesture, feeling out of place for a split second when you didn't reciprocate the gesture. The clearing of his throat returned you to the real world, having been lost in the barely appreciable grey and green specks in the pale blue eyes in front of you. Probably, you also made him feel uncomfortable.

“Anyone ever told you that you look li…”

“The Winter Soldier?” He mocked sipping from his drink, putting his gaze to somewhere at his left.

“I was goin' to say Mark Hamill's younger version”. You seemed confused by the name he gave you, not sure about the soldier he was referring to. You had pending too many shows on Netflix to watch.

“Who the hell is Mark Hamill?”

“Who the hell is the Winter Soldier?”

Neither of you couldn't help but laugh, shaking your heads in complete sync. The man changed his drink from hand to offer you his right. You took it with a firm squeeze. “Barnes. Bucky Barnes”.

“Shit! Of course you are that Winter Soldier!” You feigned to finally have an idea, watching his grimace suddenly turning to an exhausted one. “I'm kiddin', man, relax. Still not knowing who the hell he is. I'm (Y/N)”.

Bucky giggled breathing again, pointing at you with his trigger finger. You caught him.

“Can I… buy you a drink?”

“I'm the one who threw yours, it wouldn't be fair. First is on me, so you can tell me about that soldier who likes the snow”.

“Deal if you tell me who Mark Hamill is”.

“Can't believe you haven't watched Star Wars. Which century are you living in, uh?”

[peakyblindersxx]

whiskey business - john shelby x reader (part 6 of ?)

gif by my queen @michaelgreys, i'm basically her fanblog now but im not mad about it :) i mean just look at him!!1! i almost fainted

a/n: first of all, if you stuck around to this point, tysm for reading!!! this has been one of the most amazing fics ive ever been a part of and it's all thanks to the gorgeous @stxdyblr-2k, who generously took control of the next few parts. her brain is beautiful and we all owe her flowers or something. when i read what she sent me i couldn't bring myself to change much except for some small edits, so pls give her lots of love if you like it!!!! i'm still working on requests as well :)

love, abi xxx

read part one two three four five | my masterlist

tagging: @datewithgianni, @mayaslifeinabox, @deepdonutkid, @springsoulofengland, @lilymurphy03

prompt: nothing this good can last forever. john doesn't know how to feel, and neither do you.

warnings: nsfw! a teensy bit of smut, angsty as fuck prepare yourselves accordingly, a lil fluff if u squint, yeah this fucked me up

Obviously, it wasn't the last time.

Over the coming months you had many last times; his mouth pressed against your neck said as much. As his responsibility at work increased, you'd find yourself heading to his office after your lectures and night classes more often, perched on his lap, smoking, while he finished up his numbers under your critical gaze.

Thomas was more than aware; his snarky comments made it obvious he had his ways of monitoring your actions. You'd seen the dark car lurking outside your rallies and lectures, and no matter how you'd try to throw him off, not even telling Ada where you were going and even, in a moment of desperation, through your neighbours back window, somehow, his silent shadow was still looming. He was practically begging you to make a mistake, to give everyone an easy out. You just couldn't give him the satisfaction. You knew Tommy saw the world as a chess board, always several moves ahead of his opponent. Even when you played him in chess club all those years ago, you could outflank him if you thought on your feet and kept him thinking he was winning until you obliterated him in the end game. It was brutal, sure. But as he told you, there were bigger games at play. You had your own. Thomas could read your mail, intercept your phone calls and have you followed, but he couldn't hear what you said out of earshot. Your lot could smell an interceptor in your ranks, so spying at that close of a proximity was out of the question.

That's why he'd decided to let you have John. You knew his silent approval and his constant management of the narrative meant he saw a tactical gain. There was only so much information he could get from Ada, but John? He just had to agitate him in the right way and all your secrets would come tumbling out. It was difficult hiding your world from John; of what he knew of, he was supportive, quizzing you over current affairs and political discourse, listening intently. Yet, you had to watch your mouth. You had to keep a barrier up and you knew John sensed the distance. Fundamentally, there was nothing either of you could do.

So here you were, in a comfortable limbo. Your days were filled with work, evenings were for lectures and reading groups at the city's university, Ada and you often stopped for a drink or three; you'd go by your flat to freshen up, and then to John's office. Sometimes, you wouldn't visit for a week or so when the guilt sent you over the edge, it was draining to be living so many lives and knowing you were betraying the person you loved most on earth. Ada was oblivious, taking you on her nightly adventures filled with men, dancing and waiting while she was busy kissing in dark corners. Sometimes a young blinder would ask if you wanted to be walked home. The first occurrence you thought was sweet, but as the nights it occurred coincided with nights John seemed extra pent up, you'd decided to ask. The boy, who couldn't be older than twelve but who you knew was trained in using firearms and had a revolver pinned to his hip and a razor in his cap, looked confused.

"Mate, it's not a tough question. Why do you come and ask?"

"There's a phone call." He shrugs, "Isaiah or Michael tells us to go and get you."

Isaiah and Michael were somewhat aware? Fucking hell. Your fling was basically a military campaign at this point, so many of your friends were complicit. The little lads who ran as messengers around Birmingham were complicit. You had to just end it.

But when you sat on his thigh, his chin hooked over your shoulder, it felt so worth it. He never turned you away when you came crawling back. He never mentioned it until after you were finished, hooked under his arm.

"Fucking missed you, gorgeous."

Sometimes he'd remind you not to be a stranger with a wink, but you could tell it was tearing him apart too. He never once came to you. That's how he could justify it in his mind; obviously, the bare minimum was not having sex with his sister's best friend, but in failing that, waiting for you to initiate it was somewhat better. He barely talked to Ada now, citing work as an excuse, but truly the guilt sickened him. He couldn't believe he was prepared to continuously hurt his little sister and betray her. But every time you turned up at his door, he couldn't find it in himself to turn you away. In his mind, every single time you came to visit him was the last time he'd let it happen, yet he was always waiting for you to come back, his blind closed to signal he was prepared. He never would call, it had to be your choice.

You'd been off and on for over five months now. It was so difficult to hide in plain sight, but you just couldn't stop yourself. Neither of you purposefully meant for this to be happen but fuck, was it fun.

For your birthday he'd gifted you a fur coat from the same shop his sister, aunt and the fashionable crowd of Birmingham had purchased theirs. He joked that you looked like a "proper razor chaser", kissing you when you pouted at his teasing, begging you to wear only the coat when you fucked him next. It was a practice for blinders to buy a coat for their wives and girlfriends as a status symbol. You were neither, but John claimed that being his "favourite lass" also counted.

John was a laugh, but you knew at any time he could close his door to you. Until he decided he couldn't be bothered with you, you weren't going to get caught. You just had to be careful until he got bored.

***

You did end up putting a foot wrong. It was a Thursday night; you were sitting on the edge of John's desk while he was ridding you of your blouse. It was past midnight, Birmingham was asleep. You almost didn't bother coming out tonight, but you knew John had lost a deal and you wanted to be there for him. Your skirt and stockings were strewn across the desk with his shirt, vest and waistcoat, muddled into the files and papers which were once neatly stacked.

His fingers were pumping in and out of you, his mouth lapping at your breast, your head tipped back in euphoria, groaning. The stress made him more affectionate and tender with you, and it was nights like these that made you wonder. Wonder if this could ever be something more, something real.

John's body suddenly pulled away from yours, quickly turning the light off.

"John, what-" You were cut off by John’s hand over your mouth, muffling your words.

"Shut up and get behind the desk." He hissed. "Someone's coming upstairs."

You quickly grabbed your clothes from the shiny oak surface and crouched, hiding yourself from view, quickly making yourself decent. You weren't going to get shot through the head with your tits out. You listened to the stairs creek, and it sounded like a group. You two were easily outnumbered. They were talking, but the thick panels of wood muffled their voices.

As your eyes adjusted to the darkness, the cracks in the door giving the room a dulled glow, you could make out the figure of John. He was free of his shirt, toned body on display, standing with his back flat to the wall, revolver produced from a discreet notch in the door frame, gaze fixed on where they'd enter. He was tense, ready. The door was unlocked from the outside, the door handle twisting.

John's lip shifted in confusion yet still he kept his trigger finger ready, not a single shake from your general.

The light flicked on and a shriek rang out. It was blinding, and you stood up slightly dazed. Finn was in the doorway, John next to him clutching his chest, panting and lowering the gun.

"Jesus Christ, Finn, can't you knock like a normal person? Scared the shit out of us." John bellowed, shaking as the adrenaline coursed through his body, resting his hands on the edge of the desk as he regained his breath.

"You're the one who pointed a gun at me! I didn't even know you were in 'ere!" Finn yelped.

The commotion had attracted the attention of Ada and Isaiah, who had come running and stopped in their tracks upon seeing you standing behind John's desk in the middle of the night. They weren't stupid. John was topless, your clothes obviously rumpled, both with matching tousled hair and practically stinking of guilt. You'd been caught red handed. Ada's eyes flicked between both you and John, and you could practically see the pieces of the puzzle clicking together in her mind, all the moments she found questionable since you'd returned suddenly making sense, realising she had been deceived by the two people who she was meant to trust most in life. Finn looked absolutely crushed, he'd never been able to conceal his emotions as well as his older brothers and sister, linking his fingers through Ada's, squeezing her hand.

"I forgot to drop this off earlier." Finn stated, holding up a money box, "Ada had keys so we thought we'd sneak in so I wouldn't get done by Tommy. We did call round yours, Y/N. We thought you were in bed."

"I'm sorry." You said. It was not enough but you just didn't know what else to say. You couldn't make it right, you'd really fucked up this time. Tears pricked at your eyes, as Ada examined you in silence.

John stepped in front of you defensively. "Look, Ada-"

"How long has this been going on?" She asked, her voice shaking with rage. You and John exchanged a glance. "I said, how fucking long?"

"Five months, six in a fortnight." He answered.

Isaiah whistled lowly. "That's fucked. I thought it was only a few times, that it'd finished."

"Never really over when it's John is it." Finn interjects, you glance to him, were you just one in a long string? You shouldn't be surprised but it was easy to pretend he may actually care about you.

"You've been fucking around for six months behind my back?" Ada yelped, Finn trying to comfort her but she pulled away from him. "And you fucking knew Iz."

"I'd expect this from you, yeah? Wouldn't put anything past you these days.." she sneered at John, "But you? You?! You're meant to be my best mate, but here you are sneaking about fucking my brother?"

"Ada-" you began, eyes welling with tears.

"I thought I could trust you. You're just another fucking razor chaser, aren't you?" She spits. "That's why you came back."

"No it wasn't, Ada-"

Her eyes flashed with anger, but this time John was on the receiving end. "You bought her that fucking coat ,didn't you? The fur one. You did! Fuck's sake!" Her fists were clenched, shoulders squared. For the first time in your life, you understood why crowds parted for Ada Shelby. Understood all the free drinks and cab rides, the nervous serving staff declaring your meal on the house (always acknowledged by Ada with a hefty tip), understood why the men of Birmingham didn't last long with her.

"Did it feel good to swan about town in that fucking coat, while acting as though you cared about me? It's so fucking embarrassing. All trussed up because my knobhead big brother makes you feel special? Thanks for rubbing it in my face."

"Ada, I love you. I never meant to hurt you, I got caught up and that's on me. It's my fault."

"You're not acting like you love me. This isn’t what love is, Y/N." She retorted.

You couldn’t do anything but nod. She was right.

John opened his mouth to speak, Ada silencing him, a scowl darkening her features.

"I don't care what you have to say. Any of you. Who else knows?"

"Thomas, Michael, Arthur-" John listed off slowly, each name prompting Ada to break down a little bit more in front of you.

"I didn't know Arthur knew." You said pointedly, John sending you an exasperated glance. He was planning on dealing with that later, but right now was about his sister. Fuck him if he thought you were going to stick around much longer. You didn't want to hear him justify everyone else knowing about your fling with your best friend being left completely in the dark.

"That all you have to say for yourself?" Ada snaps at you.

"I have fucking no defense, do I Ada? I should've walked away." You pushed your hair back, frustrated at yourself, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. You begged yourself not to cry. Tears wouldn't help anything.

"Why didn't you?"

You didn't know. Your silence only riled her up.

"Why didn't you fucking walk away?" Ada yelled, slamming her hands on the desk.

You felt hot tears run down your face, quickly moving your hands to dab at your tears.

"Don't you dare fucking cry. After all you've done, you don't get to cry in front of me." Ada growled at you, John going to shush her, obviously wanting to comfort you. "You can all fuck off. You've all lied to me and gone behind my back. Fuck’s sake, you could've just told me. You could've just told me."

"We didn't want to hurt you." John said, reaching out to squeeze her shoulder but she flinches away.

"This hurts so much more. You get that you all lying to me is so much worse, don't you?"

"We weren't thinking."

"You really fucking weren't." Ada laughs bitterly, shaking her head, blinking away tears. "Fuck you lot."

She stormed out, tailed by Finn, begging her to slow down and talk to him, protesting his innocence in the situation. Isaiah hesitated in the doorway, his eyes flickering between you and John.

"I had no idea you two've been at it for so long."

"Iz, fuck off yeah? I've had enough today." John shot back, sliding across the desk towards you. "You alright, lass?"

"We're done here, John."

He slid off the table, his hand cupping your face, "Hey, gorgeous, I get it but don't go breaking my heart tonight. Can we just leave this for tomorrow? Sleep on it."

The idea of getting any sleep at all tonight was laughable, you'd be up all night replaying these moments and torturing yourself. Tonight couldn't get any worse so you had to finally end it. Now was the right time.

"John, it should've never happened."

"But it did."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore. It's over."

"Y/N. You know for me it was never just about-"

"You're making it difficult. Stop making it difficult. Whatever you say isn't going to change that right now we have to do the right thing."

"I know you're right, but I don't want to let go. Is it so wrong to want you? I adore you, you know that."

You wouldn't meet his eyes. Sighing, John pressed his forehead to the side of your head, chin brushing your shoulder, eyes closing. He was begging you to stay with him. There had to be a solution, you'd figure it out together. His voice was cracking, eyes glassy. He looked so much younger when he was pleading. The tall bloke who terrorised the Midlands with his razor rimmed cap, a revolver in his hand, and a ruthless trigger finger had vanished. You wanted to stay, burning to curl up with him and for him to kiss it better.

"I should go." You told him. He rested his forehead on your shoulder, letting out a shaky sigh before pulling away, nodding.

"I'd drive you home but obviously-"

"Obviously."

John suddenly turned from you, eyes narrowing at Isaiah who was still hovering at the door. "Thought I told you to fuck off. Make yourself useful and get Y/N home safely." His tone was ice cold once again.

Isaiah nodded, offering his arm to you. You reached the door and instinctively looked back at John. His eyes met yours, staring at you from his desk, just as you knew he would. He prepared himself to watch you leave every night, but this time was different. That was it with you two.

Isaiah strode down the street with you in silence. You were tucked into his side as was customary with the upcoming blinders who were particularly ambitious, but there was no relaxed chat.

"Isaiah. What’re you thinking?" You asked, voice tinged with nervousness.

He sighed, running his free hand across his jaw, "That was intense in there."

"Just how he is." You shrugged.

"Does he love you or sommet?"

"Fuck knows… does it matter?"

"Of course it does. Do you love him?"

"Drop it. None of that matters, it shouldn't have happened in the first place so it can’t," You snapped, the anger at the situation you'd created suddenly overwhelming.

Isaiah whistled, raising his brow at your obvious turmoil. "You're in fucking deeper than you want to admit."

He walked you up your path, watching you turn the key to the side door leading to your bedsit. You paused, turning to him.

"Iz… I don't know what to do next."

It was so dark, you could see his face only by the lit cigarette burning to embers between his fingers. He inhaled deeply, pausing before delivering his carefully laid out plan of avoidance. Obviously the event of him crossing the Shelbys and losing their good graces weighed heavily on his mind. You nodded, listening intently, noting his ideas of relocation but he explained they were a final resort. The best thing to do was try to regain their trust; in the long run, he had calculated, it was the only option that didn't result in your life being haunted by the Shelbys. Even if they left you alone, their enemies would make a point to go after you, seeing you as an easy target. The other option was to leave the country.

"Good luck, Y/N. I mean it." He muttered as you turned the handle to the temporary safety of your home. You nodded, offering you cheek for the polite good night kiss you'd become accustomed to. He rolled his eyes and obliged, pressing an affectionate kiss to your cheek and ruffling your hair. "I'm serious. Watch your back."

***

John broke down when he finally heard the lock click shut. His eyes had been prickling with boiling tears, his jaw tensed to hold them back. He yelled out in anger, flipping his desk with force, a loud crash as the wood splintered against the stone flooring, glass shattering from the photo frames. His hands went to his head, unable to stop the gasping breaths escaping from his trembling lips, his face reddening.

"Fuck’s sake." He growled. He'd fucked everything up. He had nothing, just as he'd told you the first night you returned. The consequence was no surprise, he'd anticipated the fall out for a while, but he couldn't resist you. He was completely guilty and had no defense; his only justification being that you made him think with his cock, not his brain.

Fuck’s sake. Polly was going to murder him. She'd always had a soft spot for Ada, as the only girl in the family, and was no stranger to lecturing him over his flirtatious behaviour around Ada's friends. She'd murder him. He had a half mind to never go home. He rubbed at his eyes with his knuckles. Polly had no use for tears. That's what she'd tell him when he was a boy coming home with a skinned knee. This was far worse.

He was also sure that he was a worse brother than Tommy, perhaps the worst in the world. His baby sister, who he'd helped to toddle, carry proudly on his shoulders after school and race with her on his back through the fields on the outskirts of Small Heath, had walked in on him obviously in the midst of fucking her best mate. If he had swallowed his pride and actually talked to her, he wouldn't be in this mess. He could've told her that things changed, that for the same reasons Ada loved Y/N he had fallen for her, that he was truly sorry but she had to know before it got too far and someone got hurt. He couldn't go back.

He should've never approached you that night.

He should never approach you again.

He looked over the mess of his office, the splintered wood and shards of glass, a confetti of paperwork. Now nothing mattered. None of this mattered. He'd lost everything and he had only himself to blame.

[poguestvff]

Used To The Cold — S. Cameron

In which Sarah Cameron comes to a realization after her girlfriend moves across the country.

taglist | main masterlist | 2.0k words

warning(s): none, fluff, i heart sarah <33

Have you ever lost something that held either so many memories or brought a sort of happiness that just warmed you immediately even at the sight of it? Most people have something like that. Such as for children when it comes to losing stuffed animals or action figures that were a source of comfort, they missed it like hell. Said children grow up and look for a new source of comfort. Some teenagers found it in weed and alchohol, others in sports. For Sarah Cameron, she grew out of the beautiful pink blanket her father had gotten her as a toddler. As she grew into a teenager, she found a new solace.

Her girlfriend.

Sarah made it very apparent to show her love to her girlfriend who, at one point, was just her best friend who she could hardly even bare to be away from. Sarah had known she'd loved Y/n before they even got together by the way Sarah had never felt claustrophobic in the friendship that she held with the other girl. She said the three words within the first six months of being with her, words she had never spoken to another being other than her family. It was a word she, personally, took seriously. For her to say it to Y/n showed the amount of trust she held within her. Trust to not feel so closed off with Y/n.

At the beginning of the relationship, Sarah was glad that not much had changed between the two of them. That Y/n let her have her space whenever she needed it without the dependent need to be together all day though it quickly became backwards. Sarah grew even more clingy to Y/n, hardly able to deal without her hands being stuck to her girlfriend like glue. Whenever they went out to lunch, Sarah played a one sided game of footsies that only brought a smile upon Y/n’s features, one of Sarah’s favorite traits about her. Sarah loved the idea of always having a person to call her own, Y/n seeming to be the one person who could bring out her newfound touchiness. Though, sometimes she pondered on whether Y/n herself was even handling it or if she just ‘put up’ with it. If she did have an indifference towards Sarah’s actions, she surely never showed her disinterest in it.

Though the last time Sarah had held on to her girlfriend felt soul crushing and gut wrenching. As the two of them stood on the creaky, wooden dock just before the ferry, Sarah felt drained. Between the amount of crying she’d done in just the past few days had been enough to make her want to sleep forever and the comfort of her girlfriends arms around her hadn’t helped that feeling. Tears held a steady stream down both of their faces though Sarah was the one who was unable to contain her sobs. People passed around them, solemn looks given to the two of them as they listened in on the sniffles and soft wails.

Y/n didn’t need to be a genius to understand that this was twice as hard for Sarah as it would be for her. Y/n was leaving, miles away that Sarah couldn’t even pin on when the next time she’d being able to hold on to her would be. All she knew was that this embrace that Y/n held on her would be the last one for months and there wasn’t a thing that would be able to make up for it between now and then.

It evoked an indescribable sort of fear within Sarah but she knew it was immutable. If Sarah could, she'd even drop her whole life within Outer Banks to follow her girlfriend across the world. There wasn't much Sarah wouldn't do and there wasn't much Y/n wouldn't do for Sarah either, including the moving date having already been pushed back a month because of Y/n's several arguments with her parents.

"I don't want you to go." sarah whispered as y/n kissed her neck. She could hear the blonde's pained and wavering voice, how affected she already was even as Y/n hadn't even stood on the boat yet.

"I know, lover." the y/h/c girl spoke in a low tone, only sarah able to hear her words of affirmation. Y/n was first to pull back, placing her hands on Sarah's cheeks. The sight of Sarah with puffy eyes and a quivering lip made y/n's heart throb and a guilty feeling blanket over her like a raising tide. "i'll visit. Every chance I get, you know I will."

"It won't be the same." she lamented. Y/n placed her lips against Sarah’s, delicately as if the blonde were made of porcelain. When Y/n's parents had called for her and Ward and Rose had called Sarah away from the dock, Sarah only seemed to want to cling further, fingers pressing further into the thin jacket Y/n worse, but their time had finally run out. Even after weeks of pretending that they had all the time in the world, like nothing could pull the two of them apart, it had happened.

The first few weeks, the whole Cameron house had known Sarah spent most of her nights crying herself to sleep and the entire Y/l/n house knew Y/n was not going to be speaking to them for a little while due to their newest decision. Both groups of parents hadn't known that pulling the duo away from one another would become such a quagmire for each of them.

When Y/n did finally decide to talk to her parents, it was usually to say she was leaving to explore the area in which she refused to get to know the first few days. With a driver license, it gave her just a bit of freedom from her parents who's impromptu decisions had still caused for a tearing in their familial relationship.

Y/n sat in her parked car, a hot beverage in hand to adjust to the cold in which she'd just stood in for five minutes. All of it for a drink that wasn't even that good in her opinion but she dealt with it. With the hand not holding the steaming drink, she opened her phone, smiling immediately at the photo of her and sarah as her background. She unlocked it, scrolling around to find Sarah's contact and setting her phone up against the dashboard. While it began to ring, Y/n situated herself to begin to drive. "Hi, Y/n/n!" Sarah shouted excitedly the second she'd answered.

At her tone of voice did Y/n laugh. The enthusiasm was no surprise but it was funny to Y/n every time. "Hi, baby." She replied, fhe smile remaining on her face as she looked towards the screen. Sarah sat at her desk, her hands under her jaw though a pencil between her fingers. She had focused all of her attention from the papers in front of her to the driver on the other end of the phone. "What are you doing?"

The sound of whizzing paper had made Y/n glance to the phone seeing a math sheet now replacing Sarah's face before she placed it back down, a frown appearing on her features. "Math."

"Didn't you just start like two days ago?" Y/n asked, taking a sip from her drink.

"Yes and this teacher is an absolute bitch. You're just lucky you don't start for another week. You would hate Mr. Henley."

Y/n let out an awfully dramatic gasp. "Um, hello, Mr. Henley was literally my home room teacher last year, I'll have you know. Show some respect." She said, almost missing Sarah's chagrined look as she smiled.

"You're supposed to be on my side here."

"Sorry, i don't believe in biases, Sar." She joked for sarah to let out a small snicker.

"So tell me, how's minnesota?" Sarah asked, trying to spark up a conversation even if the distance was the same thing she wanted to keep her mind off of.

"Oh, it's so great. So many hot people." she remarked.

"You're not funny, no one has ever found you funny." Sarah replied though unable to hold in her laugh along with her girlfriend. "I'm serious. we haven't talked much about it and i don't want to like... avoid your new life now."

Y/n sighed, looking towards the phone to see Sarah looking back down at her work in front of her. "Fine. Well, it doesn't particularly suck. The no surfing part definitely does, though, but what can you do. And the coffee here... no, its just so bad, babe. granted, i only had one, and it's in my cup holder right now but it's gross."

"My coffee making is better, right?" Sarah asked as Y/n gave a hefty nod.

"So much better, even if it is the only thing you're good at making." Y/n laughed and Sarah attempted to refuse a smile, her cheeks quivering from trying to keep it down. "But the weather dropped today, randomly. It was seventy yesterday, fifty today but i think i'm getting used to the cold."

Sarah lifted her head back to the phone, watching Y/n focus on driving, her eyes diverting on places away from the screen. Sarah but at her inner cheek, drumming her fingers against the white wood that rested under her forearms. "Used to it?" Sarah asked. She knew Y/n's move was permanent at least until she was eighteen but something about those words made it seem more realistic. She was getting used to a place that wasn't home.

Y/n hummed. "Yeah, i'm probably being dramatic. I saw a guy walking around in a tank top and shorts while i'm wearing double pair of socks right now." she grinned at her own comment though picking up on Sarah's sudden discomfort when she replied with a small 'wow'. "Lover?"

"Yeah?"

"What's going on?" Y/n asked, the car slowing to a stop at a red light.

Sarah quickly shook her head. "No, it's nothing. Just... the work. Keep your eye on the road."

"Sarah." The blond recognized the tone of voice quickly.

"Just... I just fully realized how permanent this is. I won't see you until, what? December? That's a long time, Y/n! And, i get it, it's your home now and i can't do anything about it but—"

Y/n was quick to cut her off. "I never said this is home. Sure I live here but it's just a couple walls and a roof. It's not home, Sarah." Y/n began. "Home is you. And trust me, i've been missing home the second i got on that ferry."

Despite them having to look at one another through a glass screen the feeling—the connection between the two of them was still felt. Sarah could feel the normal warm feeling she would've gotten whenever Y/n would simply hold her hand or brush her hair over her ear. she held that much of an effect on Sarah in person and somehow even thousands of miles away.

Sarah hadn't even realized she had been staring for a total of twenty seconds until a singular tear fell down her blushing cheeks. she quickly sniffled, recomposing herself as she wiped it away. "Are you seriously making me cry right now?" She muttered with the way the atmosphere had become though relishing in the way Y/n laughed in response.

"Yes, thank you for ignoring everything i just said, lover." Y/n put the car back in drive as the light went green. Due to the steets being relatively empty in her new small town, she took the time to look back over at the phone to Sarah. "I love you."

Sarah's smile widened in thag very moment, pursing her lips before pushing them out. "I love you more."

"And don't worry. I won't get to used to it. I'll be back home, to you, before you even know it." Y/n took a small glance to the phone, enjoying Sarah's gaze that showed even with the distance put between the two of them, they'd be fine.

[ourimpavidheroine]

Hi Impavid! It's been a minute how ya doin? I just got a new job as a youth peer support for kiddos in crisis at this amazing local agency that I'm really excited about. We're starting an lgbt monthly support group next month and I get to work with a lot of amazing people doing amazing things. It's definitely hard and sometimes heartbreaking but it's very exciting. How's life going for you? How's Finland?

Oh fuck me, this has been sitting in my inbox for over two weeks and I forgot to answer. Sorry. My ADHD has been on overdrive for the past few months.

I am going through some changes. My daughter moved out in the beginning of the year and my son is still at home, figuring out what his next steps are. I spent a few days in Amsterdam two weeks ago with my best friend from the US and it really brought it home to me how much I dislike living where I am in Finland, which is very conservative and five hours away from anything interesting. My wife wanted to live here when we came back to Finland and I swore to stay here after she died and see my kids to adulthood/graduating from school and I did that. They are twenty now, and have lives of their own. I don't like this city, and I never really have. I don't think that moving solves every problem, but moving to the Helsinki area where there are a)far more immigrants and diversity and b)far more people and events that share my fannish interests might go a long way to getting me the hell out of sitting alone my flat, which is pretty much all I do at the moment.

I know a new location would have its own issues, and of course I need to look for work down there. So it's a start thinking about it and look into my options kind of thing as opposed to a move tomorrow kind of thing.

I went to a Con for the first time in the spring and met a whole bunch of Nordic folks in my age range who are very much into fandom and made a lot of connections there. I could see more of them and get involved in the scene (and was even invited to do a panel next year) if I wasn't living in the Finnish equivalent of the Midwest.

So yeah. I have been thinking about who I am and what I want to do with the next phase of my life. Raising two disabled kids (and especially for the past 7 years alone, as a widow) took up all of my time and attention. I'm not resentful - not at all! - but I believe it is time I began to focus on me and what I would like in my life. It's been taking up a lot of my time and focus. Not a bad place to be, but not a very secure one!

[steviesdoll]

Will You Marry Me?

Soft! Dark! Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary: You and Steve were best friends since childhood. You liked him very much but just as a friend but what happens when he forces you to marry him? Will your relationship with him ever remain the same?.

Warnings: a little bit of dark Steve, forced marriage,possessive behavior and more to be added in the second chapter.

Pairing :Steve Rogers x reader soft dark Steve Rogers x reader.

A/N: Please don't mind if there is a grammatical mistake just ignore it as my mother tongue is not English 😅.

It was Sunday evening, you were helping your mother as she was cooking pasta. Then you heard the sound of the doorbell and you rushed to open the door knowing who it was. “Wait Y/N , let me open the door. ”though you wanted to open the door you let your father open it.

You went back to the kitchen where your mother was. You took out the chopper board and started to chop the onion. You were very excited, you couldn't wait to meet your childhood best friend after six months.

You were lost in your thoughts when you heard the familiar voice of your best friend and giggling of your father and younger brother Justin. Your mother went out of the kitchen to greet your best friend.

You followed her out and saw your best friend sitting on the couch beside your brother and laughing at something your father had said.

“Steve ”you greeted him.

Hearing your voice he turned to look at you “Y/N”.He got up from the couch and neared you. You hugged him tight , he hugged you back even tighter .

“How are you Y/N ?”

“I'm fine ”you exclaimed “I missed you. ”

“I missed you too. ”he told with that fianally you parted from each other.

“Dinner will be ready in an hour. ”you told and rushed to the kitchen. This was the first time you felt shy around Steve.

While having your dinner you were completely lost in your thoughts of your childhood when you spent nights and days cuddled with Steve. You wondered if now you could do the same. Steve got a good job in Paris and you knew that you would see him after months again when he leaves after a week. He would probably meet a beautiful woman there and maybe even forget about your years long friendship. The thought itself made you sad from your core.

You liked Steve very much but just as a friend but the thought of him forgetting about your years long friendship just because of some random woman was sad. It's not because you didn't want Steve to ever get married to someone else, you wanted Steve to be happy but you wanted always be best friends, you didn't want him to forget about your friendship.

“So for how long are you staying here? ”your father asked Steve.

“Just a week. ”Steve told.

“When will you come again ?”you asked curiously.

“With the pressure of my job, I won't be able to come before a year. ”the thought of meeting him after a year made you sad.

After the dinner Steve bid your parents and was about to leave when you caught his wrists and stopped him from leaving.

“Steve”

“Yeah ”

“Do you have to leave in a week ?” you asked him. You knew that he won't change his plans just because of you but you hoped he would stay a bit longer.

“Yeah I have to doll, work is important. ”he told you “but I won't leave without you. ”

With that he left your house. You wondered what his last sentence meant, he must be joking, right!

Two days later while you were returning home from work, you saw Steve entering a jewelry shop which is very unusual cause he never buys something for his mom. Truth to be said his mom told him to never buy anything for her.

Maybe he found his best girl. You thought.

You didn't pay much attention to it and just went away. If you were right and Steve already found a girl then you were happy for him. Your Stevie finally found a girl to settle down and if he was happy you were happy.

When you reached home you knocked the door but nobody answered it. You knocked a second time still nobody answered it. So you knocked four to five times then your brother opened the door.

“Ohhhuhhh... Justin! I was knocking the door from soo long, can't you hear. ”you told annoyed.

“O sorry I was watching TV so I didn't heard.” he pouted.

You entered your house and found your parents not there.

“Justin ”you called for your brother.

“Yeah”he replied.

“Where are mom and dad? ”you asked him curiously.

“They uhh.. went to Steve's house. ”

Why were your parents at Steve's house right now. You thought.

After a hour your parents returned home you rushed to them and asked that why were they at Steve's house . They didn't replied to your question which was even stranger.

They looked extremely happy so you asked them the reason for their happiness but they told you that you will know in a few days.

“Dad please just tell what's going on? ” you asked him curiously. What is happening?

“You don't have to miss Steve again. ”your dad replied.

“What? ”It was more a question to yourself. You didn't knew what was going on. You were totally confused. “Is he not going back to Paris? ”

“No, it's even better. ”your mother replied excitedly. “You'll know in a few days. ”

Why is everyone acting strange? What is going on? You thought. You'll probably know in a few days.

After two days when you came back home from work, you found your mom in your room. She was packing your bag.

What is happening?

“Mom! What is happening? ”you asked confused.

“We don't have so much time before the marriage. ”your mom replied.

What?

“Marriage... whose marriage? ”

“Yours, of course. ”

“What mine? When? ”

“Tomorrow ”

“What? With whom? ”

“Steve ”your mom replied.

Now everything hit you the reason for why did Steve told that he wouldn't leave without you. The reason why Steve was at the jewelry shop and why your parents were at Steve's house. The whole time your parents and Steve knew what was going on but they didn't told you. You felt anger inside you which was directed to Steve and your parents.

You quickly took out your phone from your purse and dialed Steve's number waiting for him to pick up.

“What the hell is happening Steve? ”you yelled at him the moment when he picked up his phone.

“Whoa..whoa easy there Y/N.”

“I'm to marry you tomorrow, but why? ”

“Because I love you Y/N can't you see that, I have been in love with you since 8th grade. But you did not see my love. ”Steve replied as if nothing happened. “so I told my parents that I love you and I want to marry you. They were more than happy to hear it so they invited your parents for lunch and told them about the proposal and they didn't had any problem. ”

“Steve you're saying like this is normal. If you ever loved me so you could have told me, asked me out on a date. ”you didn't knew what else to say. “You never thought of what I want my decision doesn't matters”

“Yeah, you're right. Your decision doesn't matters. ”This made you more angry.

“And why so soon? ”you asked angrily.

“Cause I only have a week to stay here and I don't want to wait for another year. ”

“I won't marry you. ”you told.

“You will”he replied before ending the call. There were already tears gathered in your eyes.

Why was Steve doing this? He was your best friend.

Steve's words broke your heart. You decided to tell your parents that you didn't want to marry Steve. When you told them instead of understanding you they scolded you. They told you that the wedding is tomorrow and that there is no going back now. The wedding rings were bought, the wedding dress was decided, your bag was packed and your tickets for Paris was already booked.

You never ever thought in your life that your parents won't care for your decision just because of Steve.

The next day came too soon. It was 6:00am when your mother woke you up. You completely forgot that today is your wedding. You didn't got up from your bed instead you layed down and covered your face with the pillow.

Your mother took the pillow off you and dragged you out of the bed. She pushed you towards the bathroom and told you to get fresh.

The wedding was small. Only Steve's and your relatives and friends were present .Everyone was happy except you. They thought that your years long friendship with Steve just turned into love. When you told your parents that you don't want to marry him, they thought that you were doing drama cause either you don't want to get married soo soon or you wanted a grand wedding. They told you that it was for your own good.

The reception went as quick as the wedding. You danced with Steve, your father, your brother and some of Steve's friends.

It was 1:00am when you started to feel sleepy. You just wanted to go home and fall asleep but you knew that you can't do that cause the flight was at 4:00am . That's when Steve dragged you towards the car and pushed you in the backseat. You saw your bags being loaded . Then you saw Steve entering the car. He sat beside you and asked the driver to start the car.

“Can't wait to have you for myself alone. ”Steve told excitedly.

“I hate you ”you told with all the rage inside you.

“Ohh don't be like that sweetheart, I know you love me. ”he told pouting “I love you and I can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together. ”

You still can't believe why was Steve doing this. He was supposed to be your best friend. You just wanted it to be a nightmare. You never ever thought that your childhood best friend to spoil your life.

A/N: The end of the part 1 . Don't go on the topic the story is completely different from it. I don't know to give a perfect topic🤦‍♀.

[julemmaes]

Payback

Rowaelin Month, Day Five

A/N: Yall I'm dying. I didn't even wanna write today and I kinda forced myself to and I'm not proud of myself for this but I just wanted you to have something so yep. Tomorrow's will be a lot angstier and sadder than this one, so soak up the very light fluff I'm giving you till you can

Signing off, goodnight yall

Word count: 3,614

Aelin hated the underground car park reserved for the residents of her building. It was dark, so narrow that you had to do at least a hundred swerves to avoid taking any corner and scratching off half your car, and it was impossible to find a spot when everyone came home in the evening after hours and hours in the office and parked as they saw fit while still thinking about the thousands of pieces of paperwork that would be waiting for them at their desks only nine hours later, sometimes taking up more than two spots at once.

The only reason she still tried to park down there was that there was a flock of pigeons in the trees just outside their block of flats, on the main road, which had made a nasty habit of shitting on anything - or anyone, on some unpleasant occasion - that stopped for more than five minutes under the thick branches. A perfect hiding place for birds, that no one had thought to warn her about when she had moved in only a few months earlier.

She had deemed herself lucky the night before, when she had returned before anyone else and found the lot completely empty. She'd been so happy that she'd driven around a bit down there just for the hell of it. She'd pulled up next to the exit, thinking it would be easier to get out the next morning.

She hadn't anticipated the three assholes who had parked so as to block her path in every conceivable way.

She grunted, banging her fist against the steering wheel when she realised she still wasn't clear, and put the car into reverse for the twelfth time, before changing gear and driving three inches forward. And so on, and on, and on, until she managed to steer the face of the car towards the exit and let out a satisfied howl.

She started up the slope towards the road, taking her eyes off the driveway and distracting herself for a moment to choose which radio to listen to, when the car hit something and the dull sound of the bang echoed throughout her body, propelling her forward.

Aelin squealed, hitting the brakes hard enough to cause a high-pitched squeal, and soon the smell of burnt plastic filled her nostrils.

The car shut off and she pulled the handbrake vehemently, getting out of the car and trying to figure out which wall she had hit, already cursing every deity that had ever existed. She didn't have enough money to afford a repair, and she knew perfectly well that the dent would be there for months before she let any of her friends help her.

She wrinkled her brow, noticing how no side of the car was touching walls or columns.

"What the..."

And then she heard it, a grunt of pain.

She opened her eyes wide, running around the car and finding a man on the ground.

To the view of a head full of stark white hair, the fear she’d just ran over one of the oldies that lived on her floor stuck her. But then the person got up on their elbows and she let go of a sigh of relief.

But still, she had just runapartment someone over. She hurried his way.

"Oh, fuck." said Aelin, approaching the stranger. The man pulled himself up to sit, bringing a hand to his face, on his cheek, where a cut was bleeding profusely on his shirt.

"Holy shit." muttered the guy, looking up at her, "That hurt."

Aelin was frozen in time, her hands to her gaping mouth, looking for the right words.

When he tried to stand, swaying a little, she pushed through the fog in her mind and truly looked at him, searching other injuries, but not failing to notice his sheer handsomeness.

The man looked like he’d been made in heaven.

She shook her head, mentally reprimanding herself – now was not the time – and started talking.

“I’m so so so sorry. I didn’t see you there and- oh god, you’re bleeding. You need me to rush you to the hospital? Fuck, you think you broke something?” the words just kept flowing and flowing. “Where were you even going? Why didn’t you just got out of the main entrance? This fucking parking lot. I swear we have to call the landlord and have him put some lights down here. Your shirt,” she grimaced, eyeing the blood standing out on the white fabric. Aelin looked him in the eye, “I have a very similar one upstairs? You want me to go fetch it for you, I could-”

“Jesus Christ!” he yelled, putting his hands in between them, forcing her to step back, “Shut the fuck up!”

Aelin’s mouth closed shut and her eyebrows raised so high she felt her skin pull on her temples. She crossed her arms over her chest. Her eyes popping out.

This man. Sure, she’d just ran him over, but no one had ever talked to her like that.

“I’m fine.” he grumbled, “And I live in this building, I’ll go take my own shirt, thank you.” He took a deep breath, brushing off his trousers and bending to gather his stuff that had scattered around during his fall. When he lifted his head again, he gave her a tight smile and his piercing green eyes stared at her with an intensity that had Aelin’s toes curling in her shoes.

“Have a nice day.”

He then proceeded to walk away, leaving Aelin alone in the darkish driveway.

She looked around, hoping to see someone who could confirm that it had just been a figment of her imagination, but there was no one.

Getting back in her car, Aelin started the engine and drove up to the street, chewing on her lips, “What the fuck just happened?”

***

Aelin had thought all day about the mysterious man. She hadn’t been able to focus during her meetings and hadn’t even finished one of her projects. Something that she sure as fuck knew her boss would make her notice and work her ass off to make up for once word got to him.

Her day had started off so bad she knew it couldn’t get any worse, but she’d been wrong.

Her assistant had spilled coffee over her only finished drawing and herself. One of her coworkers had decided today was the perfect day to quit her job and pile her projects on Aelin’s desk. Then she’d gone out for lunch with some of her friends and it had started raining so heavily she’d been forced to stay in the office, only eye-eating the mouth-watering dishes her friends had posted on their instagram stories. They’d made it to the diner just before the sky cracked open.

And, the cherry on top, someone had keyed her car.

She’d been on the verge of tears when she’d spotted the red stains of her neighbor’s blood on the parking lot floor when she got back home, but she didn’t let any fall.

She had a date.

And she wouldn’t let all these little things get to her and ruin what could possibly be the best night of her life.

One of her life-long best friends had set her up on a blind date with one of her boyfriend’s best friends. She’d promised the man was the perfect match, someone Elide thought would keep her on her toes and match her overflowing personality.

Aelin had been hesitant at first when Elide hadn’t wanted to give her a name, or show her a picture, claiming she’d go all FBI style on him and ruin their first meeting, but she’d also promised Aelin she’d met the guy a few times and he’d been nothing but a gentleman.

And she had heard so much of him she felt like she’d known him her whole life.

Some of the things Elide had told her, she’d liked better if she’d found directly from him, but Aelin was a picky woman and she wasn’t risking another date with a creeper.

She pulled up in the restaurant’s parking lot where Elide had reserved the four of them a table and turned off her car, clutching the wheel. She took a deep breath. And another.

She was still a little worked up and all the pent-up emotions of the day were threatening to spill over the surface any minute, but she could make it past dinner and then have her little monthly breakdown in the peace and quiet of her apartment.

She fixed her lipstick, tightened up her ponytail and let two strands of hair cascade on the side of her face. She blew herself a kiss in the mirror, “You can do it.” she whispered as a short pet talk.

She got off the car, pulled out her phone to check if Elide was already inside and she was so focused on the screen she failed to notice someone backing up right in front of her until it was too late.

The car only bumped into her hip, but it was enough to make her lose her balance.

Aelin merely had time to register what was happening that she found herself lying in a puddle of rain and mud. She closed her eyes at the dull pain on the back of her head, but she knew for a fact the hit hadn’t been that bad.

She lifted her arms up, looking down at the wet spots on her dress, darkening by the second. Her seventy euros purse soaking up the water all around her.

The tension behind her eyes just increased when she heard the driver’s door open and someone step out of the car. She couldn’t have stopped the sobs even if she wanted to.

“Miss? Oh god, I’m so sorry. Are you alright?”

Strong arms circled her waist and pulled her up in a standing position. She brought her hands to her face, her body now racked by her crying as she tried to get a handle of herself.

“Miss?” the voice called again, now nearer. “Are you hurt? I didn’t-” the man talking stopped suddenly and Aelin looked up, not seeing anything through the tears. “You.”

And then it hit her.

That voice.

She knew that voice.

She ran her hand over her face, rubbing her eyes and staring right back at the man she had ran over that same morning.

Her mouth fell open.

He was looking at her with an amused expression and Aelin couldn’t find the words once again.

What was it with this man and his ability to take her ability to talk by just showing up?

He had a transparent band-aid on his cheek, his cut far less severe than she had thought, and his eyes were glistening with mirth. He was wearing a simple black pair of jeans and a dark green t-shirt, but he was even more handsome than in his work clothes.

Aelin was taking rushed, trembling breaths, and she was about to kill this man with her bare hands. Shred his skin off his bones and have him beg-

“I guess we’re even now, uh?”

His attempt of a joke flew over her head and she charged at him, a scream lodged in her throat.

His eyes widened and he took a step back when she flung her arm at him, trying to hit him. His hands closed around her wrists, blocking her from causing him more harm that she’d already done.

“You asshole!” she was screaming at the top of her lungs. “You ruined my dress!”

Aelin lifted a leg, more than convinced to kneel his balls, but he managed to block her blow again, infuriating her even more.

“I was about to meet the love of my life and ruined my fucking dress!”

He tried to push her away from him, still squeezing her wrists, and his brow furrowed.

“He’s everything I’ve ever dreamed of. He’s a pediatrician! He loves children! And he has a cute fucking dog my friend said I would love and cuddle the shit out of! Her name is Fleetfoot and she’s a golden retriever and Elide knows I fucking love goldens. And he’s from Orynth, just. Like. Me!” she got louder and louder with every word she spit out. “And he’s tall, and handsome and he’s the perfect match! And I deserved this one night!”

The man was now looking at her with a dumbfounded expression, his hold slightly loosening.

“I’m so done with this dating thing and I’d finally found him and you!” she shoved a finger in his chest, making him retreat a few steps. “You wanted your payback so bad you ran me over with your car!

“And now he’s gonna take one look at me and think I’m a fucking psycho! I bet my hair are the most disgusting thing he’s ever seen and my make up. Oh fuck, I must look like a panda.” Aelin started crying harder, laying her hands flat on the man’s torso, pushing her head to his chest. “I look like a fucking panda.”

She tried to speak again but her mind just couldn’t form any coherent thought, until she felt the man’s arms closing around her shoulders. He stepped closer, running his hand up and down her back, whispering something she couldn’t really hear over her crying.

Aelin didn’t know how much time she spent in the stranger’s embrace, but when the gravity of the scene she’d just made in front of him downed on her, she felt her body flare up in embarrassment.

That was her life now?

Having mental breakdowns in a dark parking lot after someone she’d ran over with her car had returned the gesture and then making them console her?

She detached herself from the man and for a second she thought she’d felt him hesitate before he took a step back. And another, leaving her standing her in her soaking wet dress and her puffy, surely-red eyes. He bent down, picking up her purse and handing it to her.

She lowered her gaze, not even daring looking at his shoes and closed her eyes.

“I’m sorry.”

The man made a sound of surprise, “Why would you be sorry?”

Aelin wished she could die on the spot. Evaporate out of existence.

“For hitting you. Or at least trying. And crying all over you.” she said and then grimaced. She ran a hand over her face. “I just had a very hard day and I wasn’t even sure I wanted to come, but this guy seriously seems like he could be the missing piece to whatever the fuck my puzzle-life is. I didn’t want to take a raincheck and have him thinking I’m not serious about this.”

A beat of silence, “I’m sure he would have understood.”

She shook her head, keeping on talking as if he hadn’t even been there, “And now I can’t go in like this.” she passed her hands on her dress, the tears building up again in her eyes. “Plus, Elide didn’t tell me what he looks like, cause she thinks he’s a real snack and wanted to see my face when I saw him for the first time.” she was bordering on pouting, “That means he’s gotta be smoking hot or I’ll be so pissed at her.”

The man snorted loudly, “A snack.” he hummed, “Maybe I should meet your friend and thank her.”

Aelin’s head snapped up, “Oh no, she’s taken.” she shook her head vehemently, “Like so freaking taken. I swear she and her boyfriend have been together for a whole of three months and they already act like a married couple.”

He nodded, a lopsided smile on his face, “I know the kind.”

She’d been so absorbed by her talking that she hadn’t noticed she’d stopped crying.

She breathed through her nose and clasped her hands together, before reaching one out towards him, “I think introductions are needed. I’m Aelin.” she offered a tentative smile.

His hand engulfed hers, shaking it with impressive gentleness. His smile grew even larger if possible and Aelin was starting to think she was about to het murdered.

But then he said his name and the world ceased existing around them.

Their hands still moving up and down between them.

She tilted her head forward, “I’m sorry, could you repeat that?”

He licked his lower lip, “I’m Rowan.”

Aelin closed her eyes, holding her breath.

She squeezed his hand before releasing it. She took a step back, wishing for the ground beneath her feet to crack open and just eat her whole.

“I’m gonna go kill myself now, if you’ll excuse me.”

His laugh reached her ears with painful speed.

Rowan.

She couldn’t believe it.

Well, she could. The man laughing his heart out at her expense was probably the most handsome person she’d ever seen in her entire life.

At least Elide hadn’t lied about that.

“A tad dramatic, if you ask me,” he said as his laugh died down. He pointed at the restaurant behind him, “You want me to go fetch the married couple so we can go back at the appartment and you can change? I’m not against you walking in there with this outfit at all,” he gave a pointed look, matched by a shit-eating grin that seemed to be etched in his lips, “I’m not gonna think you’re a psycho, not for this at least, and I’m ready to fight everyone who looks at you the wrong way. But you look like you could use the comfort of a warm house.”

Aelin looked up at him with a questioning look, trying to understand if this man she’d just tried to maul was seriously offering her options, letting her choose after everything that had gone down so far between the two of them. As if still giving her a chance.

Rowan arched a brow, looking around and glancing back at her, “Aelin?”

Oh, fuck.

She had been oh so not ready o hear her name from his lips.

She nodded and he smiled, leaning down a bit.

She could smell his cologne from here.

“Yes to what? Me calling Lorcan and Elide or getting inside even if you dripping wet?”

Holy fucking shit, this man shouldn’t have been allowed to say the words dripping wet.

She stilled herself.

What the hell was she thinking? She brought her hands to her face, “Please call them and let’s head home. I’m so fucking tired.” a yawn broke her sentence, as to prove her words, “And I’m freezing in this skimpy dress.”

Rowan rushed to her side, “Oh, god, sorry for not offering sooner, here,” he opened the trunk of his car and pulled out a huge blue sweater. Without even waiting for an answer he snatched her purse from her hands and shoved her head in his sweater.

Aelin felt better right away and gave him a big smile.

Rowan answered with one of his own and of course he had to be this perfect and more.

“I’m sorry for ruining your dress, I’ll make sure they wash it carefully when I take it to the laundry. If you’d let me.”

She nodded faintly, exhaling the panty-dropping smell of his sweater.

“And I’m hoping to see you wear it again once we finally get to go on a proper date.” he smirked, “I bet you looked amazing before I went and ran you over.”

Aelin chuckled, shaking her head, “You truly are a gentleman. Elide wasn’t exaggerating.”

Rowan’s demeanor changed completely and Aelin feared she’d said something wrong, but he averted his gaze as if he was embarassed.

“I’m sorry for this morning,” he said. Aelin almost tripped on her feet. He was sorry? “I shouldn’t have talked to you like that but I was just coming back from the hospital and Elide was right saying I work with kids, but I’m not a pediatrician, I’m a pediatric surgeon.”

His gaze grew dark as he looked over her shoulder, avoiding meeting her eyes at all costs.

“Yesterday night we lost a eight years old and I wasn’t really there when you hit me with your car. I didn’t mean to yell at you like I did, it was just-”

Rowan couldn’t finish his sentence that Aelin lunged for him, hugging him as tight as he’d held her a few minutes before, hoping she could relieve some of the pain that was surely clutching his heart. She felt him sag in her arms and hold her in turn.

She was glad she could offer some kind of support.

“It must be hard.” she whispered against his chest.

Rowan nodded, hitting her head with his chin, “It is, but it’s part of the job. The only way you can live with something like that in your baggage is knowing you did everything you could to save them.”

Aelin could feel the emotion lacing his every word and tightened her arms for a moment before freeing him of her embrace. He silently thanked her and told her he’d be right back with their friends.

The second he was gone she realized she couldn’t wait for when he’d be back and they could keep talking.

She’d never felt this way before. Not this fast at least.

Sure, she had loved all her exes, but this. This was different.

There was something there, a connection.

And while he walked back to her, Lorcan and Elide in tow, a bright smile on his handsome face, she couldn’t help but think she was ready to find out all about it.

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[stillwinchester]

for @floral-cas

The first time, Dean gave Cas flowers, it was just a joke.

He saw an old lady on the street with bouquets of daisies. It was a windy day, and she wore only a sweater, and he just thought it would be nice to help her a little. Small bouquets cost three dollars, the big ones five. He took one of them and give the lady ten bucks.

“Keep the rest,” he said, but the lady shook his head.

“No, sweetheart, I can't. But I can make for you a bigger bouquet, just wait a minute.” She took more flowers to added them to the bouquet. “Who's the lucky one?”

Dean scratched his head, thinking about some reliable lie. 

“Umm, I... It's for me, I just like flowers.”

The lady didn't believe him, but she smiled anyway and started talking. She talked a lot, like she missed for company. When Dean walked away, he knew that she sold flowers for years, earlier her wife had helped her; he knew she had an old cat; he knew meds were expensive; and he knew that her names was Jude. 

Dean came back to the car, he had no idea what he was going to do with flowers, he just threw them on the back seat and drove to home.

*

Cas was staring at the bouquet in Dean's hand. Of course, he was staring, it wasn't like Dean brought flowers every day.

“Do you have a date, Dean?” he asked, tilting his head. And maybe it was crazy, but Dean heard disappointment in his voice. But why Cas would be upset because of some stupid date?

“Oh, no, it's for you, actually,” he teased, giving him flowers. Cas hesitated for a moment, but he took the daisies eventually, watching them curiously. Dean wanted to explain it was just a joke, but before he even can open his mouth, Cas smiled shyly (Dean had no idea Cas could smile this way, it was adorable somehow) and smelled flowers.

“Thank you, Dean. It's very nice of you. They're beautiful.”

Dean didn't say anything, just shrugged his arms. He was cool with this, just dudes being dudes.

*

It became their tradition. Every Monday, Dean came back to the bunker with a new bouquet, always different flowers: tulips, daffodils, peonies, violets… 

Of course, he was doing it only because he felt sorry for that old lady… Right?

*

“We were together almost forty years. We were married only for a short moment, she passed away two months after our wedding. But I'm glad that we could finally do this, even if we were old then...” said Jude, showing him pictures of her and her wife. They looked so happy there, Dean knew he won’t ever have something like this, an apple pie life wasn’t for hunters.

“I have a friend, a good friend,” he confessed. “He gets all these flowers... And I think, I like him more than I should.”

“Than you should?” she repeated. “I think you should love whoever you want...”

“It's not that simple.”

“Oh, life isn't simple, boy, but it doesn't mean it's not worth to try.” She smiled to him to get him more courage. Dean for the first time mentioned Cas to her.

“The thing is... He could never feel the same, and I... Even if he does, my father would despise me, I can't do this. I can't like the other man this way.” Maybe John was dead for years, but Dean was still afraid of him to even try to live his own life.

“I see... I and Flora… I was the one, who had doubts. I knew she loved me, and I knew I loved her, but my parents, they would’ve never accepted this relationship. So, we run away.”

Dean realized that for Jude it wasn’t easy for the beginning, and it gave him hope that maybe he could do this too. Maybe it wasn’t too late for him.

“Actually, my father is dead...”

“So what stop you?” she asked politely.

“I don't know.” He shakes his head. “I think I stop myself.”

*

“Mornin' sunshine, it's for you.” Dean took new flowers from behind his back. 

“Sunflowers!” Cas grinned at him, and something shined in his eyes. He looked so happy like he just got some precious item, not just stupid flowers. Dean was surprised, not for the first time, that his angel can be so delighted because of so simple gift.

“Do you like them?”

“Very much... They remind me about Jack.”

“Ouch! Not about me? I gave them to you!” he mocked, and it made that Cas smiled even more. 

“I know, but you're more like lily.”

Dean blinked twice in confusion. Lily? The hell!

“Umm, what? It doesn't sound... good,” he shared with his doubts. Lily was flower for chicks, he should be Venus Flytrap or some other badass shit (why it was Venus, actually? Mars Flytrap sounded better). 

“Why? It symbolizes pure heart, and you, Dean, have it, no doubt.”

“I… Okay.” He didn't feel comfortable, hearing things like this. Fortunately, Cas changes subject. 

“And what about me? Which one am I?”

“I know shit about flowers symbolism,” he chuckled, but after Cas' sad gaze, he rolled his eyes and replied. “Forget-me-not. I think. They're blue like your... Blue is your color, you know, and I... I could never forget you.”

*

It was a shitty Monday, Dean was on the case, bloody vampires!, and he didn't have a time to see with Jude. And no Jude meant no flowers for Cas. Although, he stopped a car near the meadow and picked one flower, now it seemed to be ridiculous, he didn't plan to give it to Cas...

In the kitchen, Cas was waiting for him with a pie and a cup of steaming coffee.

“Oh, God, you're the best,” he said, taking the first sip. “I feel like a dumbass now.”

“What do you mean?” asked Cas, frowning.

“You prepared all of this, and I couldn't afford you flowers.”

“Dean, you're not obligated to do this. It was a nice thing, but it's not necessary. And I know, you were busy.”

It's none excuse, he thought. Cas seemed to be really okay with this, but Dean still weren't. 

“Look, I know it's not the same. But it's the only thing I could find on my way,” he said, pulling a single blue flower from his pocket. “Forget-me-not for unforgettable angel.”

“Oh, Dean, thank you! It's perfect.”

“I don't think so… It's smashed, and… Jeez, Cas, it's so stupid, I can't even give you a proper bouquet, I…”

“Dean,” he interrupted him. “Come with me, I want to show you something.” 

*

Cas took some book from a bookshelf in his room. He opened it and showed Dean what was hidden inside. There were dried flowers from earlier bouquets. One flower for each one.

“Like I said, it was perfect. It's gonna suit to my collection,” he explained. “And, Dean, I won't forget about you either. Never.”

Dean was just staring at Cas, thinking how much this little gesture meant to him, but in the next second, he caught Cas' lip in his own, and kissed him for the first time. He didn't need to wait a long time for a response, Cas hands found the back of his neck, and the angel was kissing him with passion.

Oh my God, he thought. Cas feels the same. Cas feels the same...

They pulled away and stared at each other for a while, breathing hard. 

“Is it why you gave me all that flowers? Like in the movies?” asked Cas, and Dean noded. 

“Yeah... Like in the movies.”

Cas grabbed Dean's hand and brushed it with his lips. He understood him without any words. 

“Me too, Dean.” He kissed his knuckles once again. “Me too.”

*

“This is Cas,” said Dean on the next Monday. “Cas, this is Jude.”

“It's nice to meet you. Dean talked a lot about you,” explained Cas.

“You didn't lie, boy, he really looks like an angel.” Dean's face turned red, and he mumbled something.

“And what do you have today? Roses?” he changed subject. 

“Red ones. Flowers for lovers.”

Dean smirked, of course, that roses were available on the first Monday after he and Cas got hitched.

“So, I think we'll take the biggest bouquet.”

[ilove-cedricdiggory]

I love you, mum

Remus Lupin x Reader

Requested - Noppe

Summary - Remus Lupin was the love of your life, right? You thought so, that was, until he came home from an order mission finding you pregnant and hating it with his entire being. Can you handle that?

Trigger Warning - cursing, mentions of abortion, mentions of pregnancy, rude as hell Remus.

This one is kinda lengthy, so, fairwarning. I'ma make it a series, so, Part 1!

There he stood, right before you, his bag packed as your eyes watered. "I know 'm love, but you know how the order is. I don't get to pick when I go." He took you into his arms, his hand immediately running through your hair.

You both were 24 now, honestly surprised with the way time had flown by even with the pending war surrounding you. He, James, and Sirius were going to investigate a lead, one that involved the fourth member of their family from Hogwarts, Peter.

The night Peter was trusted with James, Lily, and Harry's lives, Voldemort had shown up, prepared to murder them in cold blood. The only thing stopping him that night was that you, Remus, and Sirius paid a surprise visit to your favorite new family, wanting Harry to experience a Halloween as normal as you all could make it.

Harry had been zooming through on his broom in his Kinmare Kestrels costume, the five of you cheering him on as if he was in the middle of a quidditch game himself. Voldemort had made himself known quite quickly, assuming the three of them were on their own, but was met with a small army, prepared to protect your family.

Now, Remus was leaving to go find Peter, along with looking into how deep his dedicated now lied with the monster attempting to rule your world.

"I'm going to be back before you know it. I'll be nice and safe, and I'll be home after this months turn, so we won't even have to worry about that when I come home." You nodded, but teared up at that.

"But, who'll patch you up and kiss all your bruises?" You asked softly, pushing back some of his hair to gaze into his eyes. "'M sure James and Sirius will be more than happy to help me out like they used to, although I don't think either will kiss the bruises - not that I'd want them to." He grimaced at the thought of one of his two best friends kissing each healing wound on his skin after a horrible night of turning.

"Just, come back safe, okay? Don't do anything stupid, don't let Sirius talk you into doing something irrational, don't let James cry too much about Lily and Harry either, please. I can't even imagine how they're doing. Just come back safe to me." You kissed him softly, pulling him closer to your body, only wrapped in a robe, holding him as close to you as you could.

"Of course sweets. You be safe too, go see Lily and Harry, go see Molly and the kids, don't stay cooped up in here missing me. I'm sure Molly would love to bake with you and I'm sure Lily would be more than happy to eat at much as she can, especially now that we all know she's pregnant again." He laughed softly, kissing your forehead.

"Okay, okay, go, before I lock you in the house and break your wand so you can't leave." He chuckled, wiping a few stray tears from your face as he kissed you one last time before moving to leave the comfort of the home the two of you built together.

Five minutes without him had you sobbing and feeling empty.

Six days without him had you throwing up.

Two weeks without him had you taking a pregnancy test.

Two weeks and three minutes without him had you sobbing as the plus sign on the test.

Three weeks without him had you hiding it from your best friend.

Four weeks without him had you looking for the baggiest of his sweaters and wishing he would finally come home.

Five weeks without him had you shaking in fear, fear of your growing stomach and fear of the second turn he would be fulfilling away from home.

Six weeks without him had you going to the appointment without him, without anyone knowing.

Six weeks and two days without him had you sobbing.

Six weeks, two days, and thirty four minutes had you screaming in joy as you wrapped your arms and legs around his warm hold, clutching onto him with dear life.

"Remus John Lupin!" You yelled, tears falling harder as you felt the worries of him being dead in a hole left your shoulders.

"Oh my sweet love, I've got you, yeah? I've finally got you." He whispered. Your arms were tight on his frame, holding him like you were afraid this was a dream, for him to fade away and leave you once more.

He had walked you to your bed, sitting on it with you set in his arms, his nose sniffing your hair, letting your scent calm him and moony. "Oh my girl, I've missed you so much." He whispered, your tears finally slowing. "I've missed you, bubs." You whispered, your eyes meeting his to press your lips upon his, holding his face close to yours.

Silence filled the room, his hands wandering your skin, making sure each inch of it was the same as he remembered. He didn't falter, until his hands slipped under his sweater, feeling the bump under his hands.

"The fuck?" He whispered, pulling away from you. "What's going on?" He asked you, his eyes sharp on your own.

"Um." You said, your head falling and you stared at your hands. "'M pregnant, Moons." You whispered, moving off of his lap to lift up the warm fabric, showing him your bump. "Twins." You said softly, looking up into his eyes.

"You're joking." He said, his voice void of emotion, it staying the same pitch with each syllable.

"Does it look like I'm joking? You're staring at the bump. I haven't told anyone, waiting for you to get home." You were waiting for a smile to break out on his face, for his eyes to light up, for him to wrap you in his arms once more and spin you and gently as he could before bending down and kissing your belly once - twice - three times.

But, it didn't happen.

Two minutes after he knew had you silent.

Three minutes after he knew had you shuffling back from foot to foot.

Four minutes after he knew had your eyes welling up with tears.

Five minutes after he knew had you breaking the silence, your voice louder than expected.

"Say something, Rem!" You yelled, flinching at the sound of your own tone.

"I - uh." He said, one of his hands moving down his face to attempt to shake the shock from it. "No." He said after another moment, standing up and moving across the room.

"No, we aren't having a kid, let alone two! No!" He paced back and forth, shaking his head. "No way. We're gonna have to figure something else out." He spoke, stopping to think, his face pointing up at the sky. "I'm sure there's something we can do to fix this." He said, finally turning to look at you.

"Fix this? There is nothing to fix, you prick!" You yelled, tears falling once more, but for a much different reason. "I'm fucking pregnant, this isn't something you fix!"

His eyes grew angry, glaring at you like never before. "You know how I feel about having kids! No!" He shouted, his tone matching yours.

"Fuck you." You whispered, shaking your head. You picked your wand up from your bedside table, flicking it once before a suitcase appeared and clothes began filling into it.

"What are you doing?" He asked, his voice monotoned once more.

"Leaving." You spoke the word, shivering at the idea of it. But, once the bag was packed, your hand wrapped around it's handle, you quickly turned on your heel, unsure of apparating out of the flat while pregnant.

"Where are you going?" His voice was slightly softer now, the actions of the moment catching up to him.

Before exiting the place you called home, more so, leaving the person you called home, you whispered. "I dunno."

Your wand was held out, summoning the Knight Bus, letting you onto it and paying the fee before looking at the man before you.

"Where to?" He asked, his left eyebrow raised at you.

You didn't think you could go to Lily and James, not wanting to face Lily's wrath towards Remus along with her hurt for not knowing about your pregnancy. You couldn't turn to Sirius, knowing he would hate his best friend in a way you could never want for the man you loved.

"The burrow, please."

The bus took you there after dropping off the two people before you, assisting you with your bag to the front door before disappearing.

Your hand shook as you knocked, but heard the pitter patter of the feet of her many children before a yell from the woman herself. "I don't know who's at the door! Charlie can you please change Ginny!"

The door flung open, revealing the woman to you. "Oh! Y/n!" She spoke, her face breaking out into a warm, wonderful smile before letting you in. "I haven't seen you for a little while, I was about to send an owl your way." She said, leading you into the home and back into the kitchen where the smell of Mince Pies filled your nose.

"'M sorry, Molly. A lots happened."

With tears in your eyes, you stood before Molly, the woman you saw as your own mother. The woman who celebrated with you when Remus asked you out. The woman who held you when you cried after your first argument with the man. The woman you had planned to tell about your pregnancy, but feeling your heart break each day you waited to tell her.

You had it all planned out. You were going to show up with Remus, once he found out and the two of you celebrated, wearing a sweater that covered your bump - much like the one you still wore. You would be holding two bags, one for each of the parents you loved so much, with a shirt for them both with the words "first time grandparent" on it.

But now, you had to tell this woman that you had kept your pregnancy from her for this long, your spouse had practically told you to get rid of the babies, and that you had left him.

"Molly, I'm pregnant." You whispered, pulling his sweater up to show the adamant bump. "And Remus wants me to get rid of them, so I left him." Your voice was breaking, shaking, and terrified of what you were to do now.

Her eyes filled with tears of her own, her arms wrapping around your frame and holding you to her. Molly Weasley: Best Hugs. She held you for a minute, letting your sobs fall from your body, holding your shaking frame. Once you calmed down as much as she thought you would, she sat you down on the kitchen chairs.

"Oh, sweet girl. I'm so sorry." Her wand flicked, bringing you a warm cup of tea before she settled in the seat beside you. "You're more than welcome to stay here. We can move Charlie in with Bill and you can take his room. You know you're more than welcome to." Her voice was soft and sincere, looking at you with the look you wished your fiance had looked at you with. Her hand reached to tuck a stray piece of hair behind your ear before moving it down to press softly against your growing stomach.

"Molly, you know I can't do that. I wouldn't want to put Charlie out of his room. Plus, I'm going to be getting bigger and eating more soon, I don't want to be in the way." You explained, watching as she shook her head. "In no way would you be in the way. Plus, I'd love to be here with you through this!" She exclaimed, taking your hand in hers.

"Honestly, Molly, I don't want him to find me." You admitted softly, your heart hurting at the truth. You hated how he had talked to you, how easily it was for him to suggest he "took care of it". It hurt you to your core. He was the man you thought would stand beside you through everything. Through the fears of financial trouble, through the happiness of your own home, through your pregnancy. But now, you were all alone. Your soul felt cold, the warmth he provided now long gone, leaving a feeling as cold as the harshest winter in it's place.

"Oh, honey, I understand." She said softly, nodding.

After another minute or two with the wonderful woman, you looked at her. "Molly, could I use some parchment and a quill? And your owl? I wanna write to Lily." You said softly, hating to intrude, but knowing that with one person told, that would soon turn into two, then 9, then everyone else you could imagine.

"Of course love! Of course! Bill, bring me some parchment and a quill please, y/n needs it!"

Bill soon came in, hanging you the items you requested before rushing back outside to play with his siblings. "You can go sit in the living room and write, okay?" She pushed back your hair, smiling at you before allowing you to walk off, going to write a letter for James and Lily, along with one for Sirius.

Your hand was shaking as you pondered what to write to your best friends. How do you explain that you're pregnant with their best friend's kids, that he doesn't want them, and that you've left him, all in the same day that they got home?

You set your fears aside and wrote to your best friends, letting everything out that you could.

Dear Lily and James

I'm so glad you're safe, James, I was so incredibly worried. I'm so happy you're back home with Lily and Harry.

You guys might be wondering why I'm not using our owl, that's actually what I was writing you about. I left Remus. Before you're freaking out and such, I'm also pregnant. He wanted me to "take care of it". His words, not mine.

It's twins. I don't know the genders yet, but I'm 6 weeks along. Absolutely huge though. That's a lie, I just feel huge. I can still wear one of his sweaters to cover the bump. I'm so sorry I didn't tell you, Lils. I wanted to wait until Rem got home and us be able to tell you both together. Don't worry, I'm writing Sirius about it too.

I don't know where I'm gonna stay, if I'm being honest with you. I'm at Molly's right now, but I'm not staying long. I'm not staying at yours either - especially not with you pregnant too Lily, and with Harry. I can't do that to you guys. Plus, like I told Molly, I don't want Remus to know where I am.

I know that might seem wrong, but he wants me to get rid of them. I can't ever do that. They are apart of me, apart of us both. I'm growing these two precious beings that are half of us and full of our love - well, my love. How am I supposed to look him in the eyes and see him hate me as I grow our kids.

I'll write you both after I'm settled somewhere, but this will be my only letter until then. I love you both so, so much. Give Harry a kiss from me.

You folded the letter up and wrote one quite similar to Sirius before tying them to Errol and sending him off to your three best friends.

You stood and waddled back to find Molly with Fred and George outside, scolding them for attempting to get Ron to fly on their broom and hit the Bludger before it hit him.

"This is what I have to look forward to, huh?" You asked, a light smile on your face.

"Oh yeah, they're twice the trouble." She laughed, smiling. Fred and George smiled at that, proud to have caused Mischief in their family. "But they give you twice the love." She spoke, watching as they ran off while their mother was distracted.

The two off you walked towards the house once more, talking. "Did you decide what you want to do?" She asked finally, looking at you.

"I'm going to the states. I have some family there that I want to go visit, one with a guest house that I can stay in. I owled to them when I sent Lily and James one." You stood before her, tears welling up.

"You better come see me all the time still, send me pictures of you growing. Send me the address so we can come see you, especially in America! Don't let me go without seeing you growing my grandbabies." You nodded, wrapping her up in your hold.

"I won't, I swear. I'll send you so many owls, you're gonna think I am living with you." She kissed your temple, holding your cheeks.

"Okay, I put your bag upstairs in Bill's room, just as a precaution. Do you want me to go get it or-" she was cut off with a frantic knock, the hits not stopping.

"I'll go get it, that sounds urgent." You both laughed softly, your swollen feet carrying you up the stairs and to Bill's room, grabbing your suitcase before heading down the stairs.

"Molly, where is she. I just want to see her." You heard Lily speak, her voice hurried.

"Sirius, let me go! She's in there, I know she is!" Remus yelled, his voice carrying up the stairs.

"Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit." You mumbled, looking around the stairs for some kind of hidden passage. It's a wizard and witch house, how is there not a hidden passage?" You reached for your wand, your eyes squeezing shut as you realized you set it down to write to your friends.

"Stop it! All four of you!" Molly yelled, her voice sharp. "There is a woman in my home who is pregnant and does not need this kind of stress. Now, I will ask her if and who she would like to see."

While she was speaking, you creeped down the rest of the stairs and slipped into the living room, grasping your wand.

"Worse than my own kids, I swear." You heard her mumble before walking towards the living room. "Y/n, dear? I'm sure you've heard them by now but the boys and Lily -" she cut herself off, her eyes finding you holding your wand and suitcase, your eyes welled up with tears and your lip between your teeth.

"I love you, Mum." You whispered, before clutching your belly in protection with your arm holding your suitcase, apparating from the warm home.

[vdlest]

Definition of Heaven

Characters:

Husband!Bucky Barnes x Wife!Reader

Summary:

You found out you were pregnant with Bucky's baby when the blip took place. You keep the baby and raised him by yourself. You have always believed that Bucky will come back to you and your son, Gabriel. Five years later, the Avengers won, Bucky came home to you and Gabriel.

Warning:

Fluff

For the past 5 years, it has always been just you, your son, Gabriel, and the rest of the Avengers like Nat and Steve. You found out you were pregnant with Bucky's child when the blip took place, and during that time, Bucky was in Wakanda and that's where he vanished in thin air just like everyone else who got snapped out because of the son of a bitch creature, Thanos.

It was Steve who told you that Bucky vanished as well, so you told him about your situation, about your pregnancy. He and Nat suggested that you stay with them in the compound to make sure your safe pregnancy and to help you as well throughout your journey to motherhood, which you happily agreed on. You stayed with them and they helped you a lot, they made your journey easier, however, the thought of Bucky is still in your mind and your heart. You always miss him, and you told yourself you'll always love him.

After nine months of nurturing and sheltering your baby inside you, you finally gave birth to a handsome healthy baby boy. When you saw your baby's blue eyes, you knew he got it from Bucky. You ended up naming him Gabriel, the name of your late grandfather who raised you after your parents died. Gabriel gave light to your darkness, not just to you but to everyone else like Nat and Steve. You did everything to raise him well, a strong and brave one, who's not afraid to do what is right and good. His first crawl, first step, first walk, first word, you witness them all, and you wished Bucky did too.

Five years later, Steve and Nat had a strong belief that they can actually bring everyone back but it's high-risk. With the help of the remaining avengers, Clint, Thor, Bruce, and the shrinking guy, Scott or he calls himself the Ant-man, they were able to retract all the infinity stones in the past, but like what was mentioned, it's high-risk. Nat risked her life to be able to get the soul stone. Losing her broke your heart, she's like a sister to you. But she's not the only avenger who fell, Tony Stark did too when he snapped his fingers to save everyone.

Despite the pain of losing two important people in your life, Bucky came home to you and your son. When he found out about Gabriel, he instantly kneeled in front of your son as he introduces himself as his father. You could still remember how Gabriel answered him, I know, I always see your picture on mom's locket. Then, your Gabriel opened his arms to give Bucky, his dad, a hug of a lifetime. You can't help but feel emotional while watching them meet each other. Bucky may not be able to see him for the past five years, you know, he would make it up to both of you, especially to Gabriel.

•••

The morning breeze embraces your body as you go out on your room's balcony to have your morning coffee. The two boys are still sleeping in the master's bedroom of the house that you and Bucky bought after the blip. Your view is the sun shining above the small village you are living in, just like how the sun shines on the world again after five years of darkness.

After Tony's funeral, everything happened so fast. You, Bucky, and Gabriel reunite as a family, just like everyone else did with theirs. Bucky did everything to make it up to you and Gabriel, he worked hard and you both finally had the means to move into your dream house and here you are now, living in the life you wanted for so long.

"Perfect view, isn't it?"

You turned around and saw Bucky about to join you on the balcony. He's wearing his white shirt and his favorite pajamas.

"Good morning," you greeted him, "I thought you are still asleep with Gabriel inside, I didn't want to wake you up. You two are like snoring machines," you joked.

He chuckled as he makes his way towards where you are standing.

You and Bucky were able to pick up where you left off everything before the blip. You two became inseparable after the blip, both of you are scared of losing one another again. You haven't talked about getting married yet but you are already happy and contented with the life you have right now, it's like you're living in heaven already beside your two angels.

As he comes closer to you, he grabs your mug and placed it on top of a table, afterwards, he put both of your hands around his neck and his hands are on your waist. You two almost look like dancing.

Being five years away from him was like living in hell, you always miss him and there were nights when you'll just cry yourself to sleep. But when Gabriel came into your life, you knew you had to be strong for both of you. You just silently hope that one day, Bucky will find his way home to you. And he did.

He stared at you, a smile on his face, "Did I ever say thank you to you?" he suddenly asked.

You frowned, "Thank you?" you chuckled, "For what?"

"For being the love of my life, for choosing me, for bringing Gabriel to our lives, for living this life with me," he put strands of hair at the back of your ear as he cups your cheeks, "Thank you for being so brave all these years. Thank you for not giving up on me. Thank you for loving me unconditionally," he said while staring at your eyes wistfully.

There he is again. Being sentimental about the time he lost and the time he could've been with you to support you.

He always feels so sorry for not being there for you when you found out that you're having a baby, for not being there when you're experiencing morning sickness, for not being by your side when you are screaming at the top of your lungs as you push Gabriel out of your womb. You understood his regrets but you have always believed that he may not be physically there, he is there with you, he's inside your heart.

"I could've been there for you when you found out that you're pre--"

You put your finger on top of his lips and shushed him, "Stop it, will you?" You removed your finger on his lips, moving your hands on both of his cheeks, "How many times do I have to tell you that you should stop saying those things? Bucky, we are here and you'll never lose us again. We'll never lose each other again," you vowed. "And you don't have to thank me for those reasons you mentioned because I did those things out of love, out of my love for you," you rested your forehead against his chin, "I did those things because I love you."

"And I love you too," he murmured, feeling his kiss on your forehead, "I love you and Gabriel more than my own life."

Bucky being a father to Gabriel is amazing. You could see his eagerness to make it up to him not just by giving him toys or any tangible things, but by giving him the attention, time, and love your son deserves. There were times you'd see him reading books about fatherhood and how to be a good father. You could really see his great effort to get to know fatherhood even more.

"Dad, Mom?"

You and Bucky slightly pulled away from each other as you both hear Gabriel behind the two of you.

"Hey, munchkin," you detach yourself from Bucky, as both of you make your way towards to doorframe where your son is standing in his pajamas. You and Bucky kneeled in front of your son, "Had a good sleep?" you asked him, fixing his messy brown hair.

"Yes, I had a good dream too!" Gabriel excitedly said, switching his eyes between you and Bucky.

Bucky pulled Gabriel in between the two of you, "Can you tell me and your mom about your dream?" he asked.

Gabriel nodded, still smiling from ear to ear, "I dreamed of seeing mommy in a beautiful white gown, and you're wearing a white suit, daddy," he said while excitement is still in his eyes. "I also saw Uncle Steve, Uncle Clint, Uncle Sam, Aunt Wanda, and the rest of your friends!" he added.

You and Bucky exchanged glances when you both heard what Gabriel's dream is about.

"What else did you see?" Bucky asked while his eyes are still looking at you.

"You and Mommy kissed," Gabriel continued then he sighed, "Then Daddy said he will take care of you forever, he will make you happy every single day."

You and Bucky kept on staring at each other while Gabriel is talking about his dream, that you two are getting married in his dream. The two of you haven't talked about getting married just yet, but Bucky already gave you his word and you have faith in him.

Gabriel went inside again to brush his teeth, leaving you and Bucky on the balcony again.

Bucky stood up and helped you next to stand up as well. He held both of your hands once you are both standing in front of each other.

"Our son's growing nonstop," Bucky reflected.

You nodded, "I know," you playfully pouted your lips, "Our baby is growing too fast."

"So what do you say about giving him a little sister or a little brother?" he teased you, then he planted a kiss on the back of your hand, "Or should we plan our wedding first?"

"Are you really sure this is what you want?" you asked him, your smile slowly fading away.

Bucky's brows furrowed, "What do you mean?" he seems puzzled. "What do you mean if I'm sure if this is what I want?" he added.

You took a deep breath, "Bucky, I just want to be sure you really want this whole thing, me as your wife, us as one family. Not that I don't trust you or I don't want you to, but I just want to make sure that I'm not forcing you to do this," you stuttered.

"Y/n, you're confusing me."

"Okay," you sighed, "Bucky, before the blip, we are together, right? It wasn't really our plan to have a baby, but it happened anyway. Gabriel is the biggest blessing for us, I just don't want you to think that you have an obligation to me, to marry me just because you have a baby with me. I want you to marry me for the right reason, not because I have your child." Your hand moved on top of his, "Bucky, I love you. You know that, right? But I don't want to pressure you into enteri--"

"Look, y/n," he said, stopping you from finishing your sentence, "I know this wasn't our original plan, this wasn't I had in my mind five years ago when I thought of us and our future, but I couldn't think of any best way of having a future with you. Before the blip, I kept on asking myself why I had to go through those pain all those years, and when I met you, I finally understood why. Those pain will bring me to you, my lightbringer. Now, I have more reason to let go of my past, I have you and Gabriel now. I have both of you as my family," he walked closer to you and cupped your face, "And don't think that I am marrying you as an obligation or what because it would be my pleasure and my honor to marry an amazing woman. I will marry you, not because you are the mother of my child but because I want you to be my wife, I want to see you every single time I wake up and before I go to sleep. I want to grow old with you and it may sound cliche as it is, it's true. I want to spend my life with you."

His words made your worries disappeared. His words made you believe that he's the guy who would make all your worries and doubts vanish in thin air.

"So I gonna ask you now," he let of your face and he removed his dog tags around his neck, "Will you marry me?"

It was a spontaneous proposal. He doesn't have a ring with him, but all he could offer and give you are his dog tags. It may not be the usual way of proposing to women, but you couldn't think of any best alternative for that one. Anyway, you like uniqueness.

You smiled at him, "Yes, I will marry you, James Buchanan Barnes."

Bucky pulled you towards him and kissed your forehead, "I love you," he said before kissing your lips next.

After he kissed you, he puts on his dog tags around your neck.

"I knew it will look more good on you," he said, staring at his dog tags on your neck.

You chuckled, "I love you, Bucky."

He pulled you towards him for a hug and you knew at that very moment, you have everything you'll ever gonna need in your life.

Having Bucky and your son, Gabriel by your side forever is your definition of heaven.

-v.dl

[lunarflux]

"baby i drink to forget - not to remember"

hwang hyunjin x reader

genre — fluff!au

drinking!!!

suggested background music: x

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What started out as one bottles suddenly turned into ten.

Your group of friends sat in a circle on the floor, passing soju bottles around like greetings at the thought of another long year of friendship that came and went. It was already past midnight, but the crickets were silenced by the boom of spontaneous laughter and conversation.

Hyunjin always sat beside you. You never knew why - in all the years of friendship you had, he always chose the seat next to yours. He'd smile and laugh with you, but he never got any closer than the two inches of the space between seats. It's been years, but you never thought to ask.

Tonight was game night. Felix bought some card game and thought it was a good idea to play this over drinks. You had to admit this was more fun than watching everyone play games or going out to a club.

"It's called We're Not Really Strangers -" Felix opened the box.

You groaned, recognizing the name. "Felix, that's like an emotional game; why'd you pick that?" You hiccupped in between shots.

He shrugged, "I dunno. It seemed like a fun thing to do. I can't remember the last time we had a deep talk other than that one wedding we went to when Changbin started crying into his cake after one too many shots."

Had Changbin not finished a bottle of two by himself, he might have been awake for that jab.

Hyunjin puffed out his cheeks, taking the deck from Felix and shuffling it in between taking another shot. "Five years of friendship, and you still want to know more about us, huh?"

Felix smiled in between exchanging glances with your friend beside him. He'd had a crush on her for ages. A small game like this should've said enough.

In one word, describe how you feel right now.

When was the last time you surprised yourself?

Strangers would describe me as _____. Only I know myself as ______.

The game went on until eventually you and Hyunjin were the only ones awake. Felix left with his crush for a midnight ice cream run. Changbin had to be carried home. It was just the two of you. He pulled the next card.

"Are you missing anyone right now? Do you think they're missing you?" Hyunjin read aloud to you. "Well?"

"Well, what?" You sneered.

"Are you missing anyone?" He smirked.

"No."

"Not even one person?"

"No."

"Why not?"

You shrugged. "Everyone I really like is here in this room. What's to miss?"

Hyunjin almost looked satisfied. Skipping your turn, he picked up another card. "Wild card - make an assumption about me. Says we both have to answer."

You turned to face your friend.

As if he wasn't expecting you to get so close, he nearly leaned away. You could smell the faint scent of alcohol on his lips. Or maybe it was yours? After the last bottle, you couldn't really tell anymore.

Hyunjin was always such a curious character. Back when you were in high school, he was always so sweet. He'd offer to walk with you to school or share his lunch if you tried to diet. You almost swore he liked you at some point, but it just never happened. He stayed a dear friend, one you'd see every month or so for drinks.

When Hyunjin was drunk, he'd lean on you. This was the only time he ever did, and part of you wished he wouldn't drink when you were together because in his drunken splendor, he'd talk - and you never forgot what he'd say.

"Be my girlfriend."

And every time you'd respond -

"Ask me when you're sober."

He never did. He never really really remembered. The next days were always full off groans and complaints of hangovers, yours included. Even though he'd ask you what happened, you knew those were just drunk words. If he didn't remember in the morning, it couldn't have been real.

It would be a complete lie to assume you never developed anything deeper than friendship-like love for Hyunjin. It was hard not to. But every time you tried to get close, it was like he wanted to pull away. After all these years, it didn't make sense anymore.

Drunk words are - after all - drunk.

"You go first." You closed your eyes, finally feeling one or two drops of soju hitting your spine. It had been too long since you drank this much. It was a miracle you weren't passed out like the others.

Hyunjin laughed once then nothing. He just stared, like he was looking for the words.

"I don't know what to say."

"Oh, come on - " You pushed his shoulder, your head rolling forward. "There has to be something you think you know about me. Anything. Something."

You were close to laying back down on the floor when you suddenly felt Hyunjin's hand on your back, keeping you upright.

You grimaced. "This really is the only time, huh."

He looked at you with concern. "I'm sorry?"

You leaned in closer to him, poking his cheek with your finger. "You always hug the guys. You never hug me! You don't lean on me unless you're drunk - you never get close to me." You giggled, turning your five year long question into sarcastic banter. "How come you never want to touch me, huh?"

"It's not like that." He smiled, poking your pouted lip. "Don't look at me like that."

"Like what." You pouted harder. "You never get close to me when you're sober, you never lay a hand on me. You only ask me to be your girlfriend when you're drunk. Why can't you be like that all the time?"

Hyunjin's smile slowly dropped. He looked at you seriously.

"Why, you want to be my girlfriend?"

You stifled a laugh. This was no time to be serious. For once, it looked like you were more drunk than him, and this wasn't the time to get caught up in feelings you always tried to forget. "Shut up. You don't mean it."

"You think I don't want you to my girlfriend?"

You turned your head only for your cheek to meet Hyunin's finger. He kept his finger there, his smile growing again. "You're cute, you know that?"

Pushing his hand away, you released a heavy sigh. "Hwang Hyunjin, I told you before, so I'll say it again. Say these things to me when you're sober. I'm too drunk to deal with you teasing me."

"I'm not drunk." He shrugged. " You guys drank the most, and I have work in the morning. Why would I drink?"

You blinked once. Twice.

"You're being serious. You're not drunk?" Suddenly, you felt very sober.

Hyunjin's smile stretched across his entire face, like he was watching a puppy stumble over its own legs. "I never drink enough to get that drunk. I sober up very quickly - I thought you knew."

"How the hell would I know that?" You sneered. "We always drink together!"

"Yeah, all of us. It's not like you're counting my shots or checking when I stop drinking."

"Then why didn't you ever ask me when you were sober?"

"If you really thought I only wanted you to be my girlfriend because I was drunk, then I thought you really didn't want to." Hyunjin patted your head. "You're always so touchy with the guys. I didn't want to be like everyone else. If you were my girlfriend, I'd get jealous."

"I still can't tell if you're lying - " You poured yourself another shot before lifting the shot glass to your lips, but instead of feeling another stinging kiss of liquid, you just felt the back of Hyunjin's hand, shielding the soju from reaching the edge.

He grabbed the shot and downed it in one easy swig. Placing the glass back down, he sighed. "Fine -"

Hyunjin pulled your face close to his, the taste of soju still glimmering on his lips. A forceful yet deep kiss, he sighed into you before dropping one hand to the back of your neck, the other to your waist. His lips moved slowly but with a hunger. Your head was spinning, but whether it was because of the alcohol or just him you couldn't tell. Squeezing the back of your neck ever so slightly, Hyunjin lowered you down to the floor, suddenly more sober than ever.

He looked at you - but it was like you were looking at him for the first time ever in your life. The apartment suddenly seemed so quiet as his gaze followed your heaving chest, breathless from his kiss.

"Yes, I want you to be my girlfriend." He finally spoke. "But I don't want you to answer until you're sober."

Hyunjin stood up and gathered his things. After what seemed like an hour, you sat up and realized he was gone.

Your head was still spinning - that couldn't have been real.

**

You hadn't seen Hyunjin in a week.

Not for lack of trying, but whenever you unlocked your phone only to see his name at the top of your notifications, you couldn't help but panic. Yes, you woke up with a hangover the next day, but the memory of that kiss was burned into your brain, and it was the only thing you could think about.

Hyunjin lived at an apartment complex down the street.

You couldn't help but wonder if he'd magically appear in front of you, and then your words would just be caught in your chest.

Look down, look down. Just keep walking.

Ready to enter your apartment, your curiosity peaked. Looking across the way, you spotted him. Standing in front of his apartment.

With a girl?

Blinding fury took over as you made your way over to him. The girl had already walked away, but something in you just said -

"You're such an asshole!" You gave him one hard shove, nearly pushing him over.

Hyunjin laughed once. "Did I miss something?"

"You - and the - she -"

"- is my neighbor. She got my mail by accident." He opened his back to reveal a small package and two envelopes.

You stumbled back, immediately regretting your entire existence.

Hyunjin took two steps toward you as you took two back. "You haven't been answering my texts."

"W-Well, I -" You couldn't find your words let alone remember how to speak. "I just - "

"So are you ready to give me your answer?"

"What answer?"

He leaned in again, cupping your cheek with his hand. Barely grazing your lips with his, Hyunjin teased. You could feel his breath playing over your skin. Gently resting his lips on your forehead, he pulled away with a content grin.

"I won't kiss you again unless it's as your boyfriend."

It took everything in you not to punch him straight in the stomach, so you settled for a hit to the arm. "Why -" and again "- didn't -" and again "- you just -" and once more "- ASK ME."

Hyunjin couldn't hold back in his laughter. "Sue me for getting nervous in front of the girl I like!" He grabbed hold of your hand before lacing his fingers between yours. "Is that a yes?"

"I hate you." You fought back a laugh.

He nodded. Pulling you into his chest, Hyunjin kissed the top of your head.

"I guess that means yes."

[helloalycia]

worth the wait [two] // daisy johnson

summary: same as the first chapter – it was too long to post in one so this is the remainder of it!

part one | part three | part four | part five | part six | masterlist | wattpad

"What do you think?"

I raised an eyebrow as I poked my head inside the van, glancing around at the cramped space that had stupidly been turned into a living space. There was also, weirdly enough, a computer in the corner which made absolutely no sense.

"I think I have no idea what I'm looking at," I admitted, before looking to an excited Skye beside me. "What is this?"

She bit her lip to contain her grin as she patted the van's door proudly. "This is my new rig."

I almost laughed. "You're kidding."

Her smile lessened. "I'm not."

Now I definitely laughed. "Skye, c'mon, be serious. Whose van is this?"

Her smile disappeared as she clenched her jaw with annoyance. "It's mine. Sorry it isn't fancy enough for you, your majesty."

When I realised she was serious, I lost my smile and looked between the van and her. "Skye, where the hell did you get a van? You can't even drive!"

Clearly holding in her anger, she began to push past me and slide the doors shut. "He said you wouldn't get it," she mumbled to herself, but I heard.

"He?" I questioned with raised eyebrows. "Who the hell is he?"

"Miles," she snapped, stopping moving and looking to me. "Miles is the one who got me the van. He said it was a bad idea to show you and clearly he was right, Y/N. You took one look at it and laughed. He was right."

I smiled tightly, trying not to get worked up at the mention of Skye's new friend. She'd befriended this 'Miles' guy within the past few months and wouldn't stop meeting with him and his friends. He was in the grade above us, but just like her, he'd skip class and do God knows what.

Ever since she'd been hanging around them, she'd been standoffish and distant. She wouldn't contact me as much when she ran away, and she'd been skipping school more often than usual. They were clearly a bad influence on her, but she reassured me she was in control of her own life and knew what she was doing. Being the idiot I am, I fell for her pretty smile and convincing eyes, but this was getting too far now.

"No offence, Skye, but I wouldn't start listening to a guy who can't even make it to class on time," I said to her with a hint of annoyance. "Why do you need a van anyway?"

"Why not?" she countered with her arms crossed. "I thought you'd be happy that I'm finally taking responsibility. Growing up."

My expression softened. "I've never once said that you had to do either of those things."

"You don't need to say it," she mumbled, looking down at her shoes with a frown. "I know you think it. Everyone does."

I stepped forward, resting a hand on her shoulder and finding her eyes with mine. "Where is this coming from? Skye, I have never thought that. All I've ever wanted for you is to be safe and happy. I'm just worried."

She shrugged me off. "Well, now you don't need to be. I've got this."

"You're seventeen, you should be in school studying, not staying in a van," I said tiredly. "You've been missing so much. How are you gonna graduate?"

She avoided my eyes. "That's another thing... I've been thinking and, well, I don't think I want that."

I widened my eyes with disbelief. "What?"

Still avoiding my eyes, she continued, "I don't think I want to graduate."

I was too surprised to find words so quickly. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

"How can you not want to graduate?!" I asked suddenly, finding my words. "It's what you do! It's what we all do!"

She met my eyes with apologetic ones. "It's what you do, Y/N. I don't want to be at a place that makes me feel like shit. I can't keep pretending I fit in when I don't."

"This isn't you," I told her sternly. "We were supposed to graduate together. You're not stupid, Skye. I can help you study. You can't just give up."

"I'm not," she said with certainty. "I finally know what I'm doing. That's all."

I squeezed my fists together to contain my frustration. "And what's that?"

"The Rising Tide–"

"For fuck's sake!" I cut her off, before hitting the van door with frustration.

"Miles has taught me a lot!" she defended. "They do a lot of good, Y/N! I just want to be apart of something bigger. Something that can help me help others. And something that can help me find my family. My real family."

I clenched my jaw, knowing I was too late in convincing her otherwise. Whatever Miles and the others had told her about their stupid hacking group had worked – she was dropping out of high school and there was nothing I could do to stop her.

"You're gonna be going to university and we both know I can't afford it," she said gently. "We couldn't stay together forever, Y/N. And my foster family definitely don't care what happens to me. I don't fit in anywhere."

I looked to her with glassy eyes. "You fit in with me. You always have."

She pursed her lips as she stayed quiet.

"I'm sorry I didn't make that clear enough," I added bitterly.

"That's not it and you know it," she muttered, shaking her head. "I have to do this. I have to figure myself out. Alone."

I felt stupid for letting her do everything she did leading up to this point. If I had just tried a little harder, maybe things could have been different.

"You're not alone though, are you?" I asked rhetorically. "You've got your new pals at the Rising Tide. It's their damn fault you're doing all this."

"They're not as bad as you think!"

"You've changed because of them!" I argued back. "They created a barrier between you and I. It's because of them that you've... that you've..."

"What?" she snapped, glaring at me. "That I'm finally thinking for myself?!"

I swallowed the lump in my throat and straightened up. "Forget it, just– forget it. I've got a midterm to study for."

She snickered harshly. "Of course. Don't want me slowing you down."

I stayed quiet and turned around to leave. I couldn't see past my anger as I left her with her stupid van. 

Of course, the two of us had been friends for a lot longer than that silly argument, so I was quick to realise how much I actually cared about her and her life, and wanted to apologise for how harsh and unsupportive I sounded.

The next day after school, I decided to head over to her foster family's place to hopefully talk to her. I'd had enough time to think about it and knew I was a lot more levelheaded now that I'd had some space.

I knocked on the front door and waited before an older blonde woman answered. I recognised her as Skye's foster mum, Sally.

"Hi, Mrs Collins," I greeted with a smile. "I'm looking for–”

"Mary doesn't live here anymore," Sally cut me off instantly, surprising me.

I had almost forgotten that Skye's foster family knew her as the name she was given by her orphanage – Mary Sue Poots.

"She doesn't?" I asked with confusion. "But I thought–"

"Goodbye, Miss Y/L/N," Sally interrupted, before slamming the door in my face.

I blinked with confusion before turning around and walking down the steps. It had been a while since I last visited Skye at home. In fact, she made sure I never visited her at home. I guess now I knew why. But then where the hell was she living?

As I walked around the neighbourhood trying to think about where Skye could be, I saw a familiar van parked up on the side of the street and put the pieces together.

Guiltily, I approached the van and sucked up a deep breath before knocking on the side. It didn't take long for the door to slide open and reveal Skye herself.

"Hey," I said quietly, noticing her surprised expression. "Can we talk?"

She licked her lips nervously and nodded, before moving to the side to let me in. I climbed inside and watched as she shut the door before settling on the seat in front of me. I looked around and realised the little details I hadn't noticed yesterday. The little things that made this place Skye's and nobody else's.

"I'd offer you a drink, but I don't have any," she joked to lighten the mood, and I couldn't help but crack a small smile.

I breathed out before meeting her eyes. "Skye, I'm really sorry about yesterday. I shouldn't have reacted like that. If I had known that this was your home, I–"

"You didn't know," she said, shaking her head with embarrassment. "I didn't want you to know. It's my fault."

I pursed my lips, watching as she looked away with pink cheeks. It hurt me to know that she was embarrassed when I didn't care about any of this, I just cared about her.

"I want you to know that I respect your decision to join the Rising Tide," I said gently, making her look up. "If it's what you want, you should go for it."

"It is," she said with certainty.

I chewed on the inside of my mouth before asking, "Is there no way you can finish high school though? Graduate with me?"

She shook her head. "I don't want to, Y/N."

"But that's the bare minimum," I pleaded. "Hacking isn't a lifestyle. You need to work, too, and I can promise you that most places won't look to hire a high school dropout."

She leaned back in her seat and shrugged nervously. "Miles isn't graduating either. And he's got some friends who haven't graduated. They're all doing fine."

I looked down and pinched the bridge of my nose to contain my frustration. I promised myself I wouldn't argue with her, but the mention of her other friends was like a trigger.

"What now?" she asked with annoyance, realising I was annoyed. "You clearly have something to say about them."

"It doesn't matter," I said, biting my tongue.

"Sure it doesn't," she played along.

"It doesn't," I agreed.

"Yeah, and the Hulk isn't bright green," she said sarcastically.

I looked up and glared at her. She stared back challengingly, practically daring me to speak. So, I did.

"Your new hacker friends are the reason you're making these choices," I told her straight. "They're the reason you're making a huge mistake. The reason you're dropping out. And for what? So you can hack like them?"

She rolled her eyes. "I know you look down on us, but we're more than that."

"Skye, I don't give a shit about them!" I shouted without meaning to. "I only care about you!"

"Then stop talking crap about my friends!" she returned angrily.

"Why do you care about them so much?!"

"They gave me a place to stay when I had nowhere! They made me feel like I belonged!"

I frowned, anger replacing with hurt. "I always offered you a place to stay. I only ever wanted you to be safe. You never needed to be different with me. You belonged. Always."

She swallowed hard and looked away from me ashamedly. "Well it doesn't matter anymore. I'm leaving."

I breathed out deeply. "School? Our town? Leaving what?"

"All of it," she said quietly. "I don't expect you to understand."

I looked down to my fumbling hands, a tear slipping from my eye. I had never felt so angry at someone before in my life. She was treating me like I was a stranger, as if I wasn't somebody who knew her inside out. She was treating me like she treated everyone else except her new friends. And I couldn't deal with it anymore.

"Fine," I said, before moving to open the door. I jumped out her van and didn't spare her a glance as I said, "Have fun with the rest of your life. Sorry I didn't care enough."

She didn't say anything and I didn't expect her to. With a broken heart and headache, I left and didn't bother turning back.

—

"What do you mean she's run away?"

"I'm sorry, Y/N," Mr Lock said apologetically. "Her foster family got the note this morning. They're doing what they can to find her. She always turns up, you know that."

I knew her family didn't care if she was gone or not, so I knew Skye definitely wouldn't be found. Unlike usual, Skye hadn't contacted me before leaving, so something told me she wouldn't be turning up.

Our argument was over a week ago and I hadn't seen her since. It had been eating away at me the way we'd left things, but I couldn't find it in myself to face her. I had no idea what to say anyway. And I wasn't sure when she was planning on leaving, so I didn't think it was important right now. Clearly, I was wrong.

"I just thought you should know," Mr Lock said with a nod. "The police will come by soon to get a statement from you."

As usual. Except this time, I actually had no idea where she was.

I nodded, my mouth going dry. "Thank you... can I go now?"

He nodded hesitantly. "Of course."

I left his office and headed straight outside behind the bleachers where nobody could hear or see me. The first thing I did was try to ring Skye, but there was no answer and no way to leave a voicemail. I tried several times, hoping she'd pick up, but she didn't. And that's when I remembered the burner phone.

Immediately pulling it out, I turned it on and saw the message from her appear on my screen. I was quick to open it, my heart racing like it did every time she ran away. I knew she wasn't coming back this time though.

Hey, Y/N. I know you probably hate me, but I felt like I owed you this. I said I was leaving and I have. I can't tell you where. And I'm not good at goodbyes. I've had too many of them and I couldn't bring myself to say it to you. I'm sorry I pushed you away. I never wanted to, but I guess some things are inevitable, huh? I've managed to do it all my life, this isn't any different. I'm just sorry if I hurt you in the process. Anyway, this is pretty long and I don't even know if you read it, but yeah. I'm sorry. I wish things could have been different.

The text ended there and I found myself rereading it to myself over and over, her words imprinted in my mind. I knew we'd argued and exchanged hurtful words, but I never in a million years thought she'd leave without saying goodbye. I thought I meant more to her than this. But no. I was just another foster family she ran away from. And I wasn't so sure I'd see her again.

[sebstanseabass]

Afterglow (A Bucky Barnes AU fan fiction) - Chapter 4

Previous chapter links:

Afterglow chapters

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

CHAPTER FOUR

The cab ride towards the White Wolf was much faster and louder than you anticipated. The cab driver's blaring music from the radio was so loud it felt like you were inside a rave. You and Bucky had to yell over the music for you to talk about what has been happening in your lives for the past few months. You couldn't summarize everything in a five-minute cab ride. So far, these were just some milestones you both gathered (well, more of his): while Bucky was in different parts of the world (Greece, Macau, Amsterdam, Monaco, Aruba) managing interrelation business and hosting nightly parties and whatnots, you were just in New York tending to drunkards (and that includes Peter sometimes) and taking photos of whatever products that come your way.

At that moment, you saw your life pass by in black and white, while Bucky's in color -- just a parade of rainbows trailing behind him wherever he goes.

Yet he still found the things you did interesting.

You wondered what the word interesting meant to him. Of course, you didn't bother asking him that. Perhaps he just felt sorry and wanted to make you feel good.

The moment you got out of the cab, you guys took a deep breath, thankful that that awful ride was over. The music floated away as the cab sped up in the streets.

"What a dick." Bucky commented, watching the cab race through the streets. Any more speed, the cab would've flown in the air.

"I know." You snorted. "God, that was an awful ride. I felt like I was at a frat party."

"Funny. You don't look like someone who would go to one." He joked.

"I went once." You defended. "With Parker."

Bucky raised his eyebrows at you and stared.  Blue eyes piercing right through you in disbelief. "Okay." You sighed. "I picked his drunk ass up at that party. But I really have been to a party with Parker." You left out that detail of you and Peter making out at that party. That was just between you and Peter and you wouldn't want to include his stepbrother in it. Or perhaps Bucky knew about it. You did just found out they talk to each other almost every night. But as you told Bucky about that party, you received no reaction whatsoever which meant he knew nothing. You felt good about that.

You and Bucky stood in front of the White Wolf, trying to shake out the ringing in your ears. Stupid cab ride. Why you couldn't just walk here was because of Bucky. Apparently, he was still a bit hungover. You wondered what would take him to get fully sober.

You stared at the wolf headstone once more, admiring it for the second time today.

"I commissioned an artist for that." Bucky spoke, poking his finger on his right ear. "Just found him on the subway one day. He was selling some sculptures he's made. Asked him if he could make me one and ta-da!"

"It is beautiful."

"I have others he has made inside." With this, Bucky started to walk towards the inside of his hotel.

The uniformed man greeted you on the steps. You sent him a knowing smile once his eyes landed on yours. He smiled back as you introduced yourselves to each other.

"Is she still in my room?" Bucky asked the uniformed man who you now know goes by the name Leonard.

"Yes, sir." He replied. "She said she'd -- "

"I know what she said." Bucky groaned, remembering what you'd told him earlier. "I'll call you from up there if anything goes wrong, okay Leonard?"

"Yes, sir. I'll be on alert."

You watched the exchange in utter fascination. It was like watching something straight out of an action movie: "I'll be on high alert" "I'll tell you when the coast is clear" "Roger that" "I'll call you when something goes wrong"

The only thing was, this wasn't some action movie though Bucky did have a plan. You just never knew about it until you got in the elevators.

"Here's the plan." He started. "We go in holding hands, I'll introduce you as my girlfriend. Maybe fiancé! When she sees you, tell her you're my fiancé and when she tells you that she slept with me, I'm going to deny and you're going to believe me because as my fiancé, you deeply love me and believe everything I say."

"Ew, it's like I'm a sub."

"Wow, you're a dom?"

"I can be." You winked at him.

"Huh, I honestly thought you're a virgin. You know, that type of 'never been kissed, never been loved' type."

In your head, you started singing the rest of the song. "I'm an angel in the streets and devil in the sheets, Bucky." You joked which he took seriously seeing it on the look on his face. "Anyway, your plan?"

"Right! She'd yell and go nuts until she gives up and then leaves the hotel -- "

"Then we get married and let Peter pay for our honeymoon!" You finished for him with a sarcastic smile on your face.

He smirked. "I like the way you think, Aria. But I don't think Peter's gonna want that."

"What do you mean?"

"W-well, he's not gonna afford it is what I meant."

"You're probably right." You gave him a low chuckle. "You're rich. Pay for our honeymoon." You joked.

"As soon as we get this bitch out of here, yes I will, doll." He scrunched his nose up and winked at you right before the elevator doors opened. Swiftly, Bucky grabbed your hand and intertwined your fingers. "Let's do this."

Hand in hand, you stepped out of the elevator. What stood in front of you was the same woman from earlier this morning. Body still clinging to Bucky's shirt. Faint red lipstick still smeared on some parts outside her lips. Blonde hair still disheveled. If you didn't know any better she was just here in the penthouse, waiting, not moving even a single inch.

You put your hand on Bucky's arm, hiding a faint expression of how big it felt against your skin. "Honey, who is this?"

"I-I don't know!"

The unnamed woman managed to step forward, looking Bucky in the eyes. "What do you mean you don't know? We slept last night!" Then, she looked at you. "Who the hell are you?"

"His fiancé." There was a sly smug tone in your voice. Even on your face.

"Fiancé? He didn't tell me anything about a fucking fiancé!"

"What the hell are you saying?" Bucky yelled. His grip tightened on your hand. "I've never even met you! How did you get in here?"

"We spent the night together, what the hell, Bucky!" She bellowed like a monster, then her voice softened. "I-I told you I love you."

"You're crazy."

"Call security." You said. "Now, Bucky!"

While Bucky grabbed for his phone, the woman pleaded, still trying to convince you that she slept with your fake fiancé. "If he says he doesn't know you," you responded, "then I believe him." Bucky slipped away from you, probably calling Leonard from downstairs. He gave you a knowing look, as if ushering you to unleash some kind of hell on his one-night stand. "You need to go, lady, if you don't want to be banned in every hotel here in New York. Yes, my fiancé can do that. So better get your ass out of here or -- "

"Okay, okay!" She held up her hands, giving up. "I'm out of here! Jesus fucking Christ -- " She mumbled more under her breath as she took of Bucky's clothes, revealing a white tank top underneath. She picked up her heels that were scattered on the living room: one shoe on the couch, the other near a foot of a small table. Picked up some pair of jeans on the carpet before stepping inside the elevator.

"I wish you luck in your fucking marriage." She said, tone filled with rage. Then, she proceeded to flip Bucky one last time before she disappeared behind the elevator doors, eyes boring into Bucky's.

"Okay, she's going down. Tell her to never come here again. Thanks, Lenny." Bucky dropped the phone call and gave you a smile. "And thank you for your performance."

You bowed, like how actors bow after a play ends, and flashed him a smile. "Why, thank you."

"Thanks to you I'm never gonna see that woman again in my life."

You turned your back on him, seeing the place for the first time without a tainted image of the woman. A line of little sculptures near every wall (perhaps the ones he commissioned from that subway artist). Family photos, albums and trophies took up a whole cabinet. You shifted your gaze towards the living room where a nice brown couch sits on top of a beige rug, which faced a huge flat screen television. Two pairs of love seats sat across from each other. A glass table set in the middle. On the back wall was a photograph of Bucky which took the whole space. He wore a neat, well-pressed grey suit, sitting on what seemed like a throne inside a home office, one leg stretched outwards and one leg just resting normally on the floor. He had this head tilt on one side, right hand under his chin, blue eyes looking directly at the camera. On its floor were stacks of magazines, and papers.

Even you couldn't deny how good Bucky looked in the photo but the photograph itself? You knew you could do better than that.

You turned around and found Bucky nowhere. "Bucky?"

He then emerged from what seemed like a kitchen because he was carrying loads of food and trod towards where you were and placed everything on the coffee table. "Yeah?"

"If I wasn't here, what would've you done?"

He shrugged, and opened a yogurt. "Probably stay in your apartment forever."

"Wow," you sat on the couch, watching him devour the food on the table, "seems like you've planned everything out."

"Seems like it, yeah."

"Do you always do this, Bucky?"

"What do you mean?"

"Have sex with girls, then make up a lie to get them out of your life."

"Oh, that was the first time." He replied. "Those three words really freaked me out. I've never heard that come from someone besides my family. Never even told anyone I've loved them, again, except my family."

You nodded in response and looked around the penthouse some more, admiring some paintings, big and small, on the walls. Perhaps some were real, perhaps some were just school ofs. On your right, was a draped curtain covering a whole glass wall that overlooked New York city. Bucky clicked some button somewhere which let the curtains open, letting some of the New York sun inside. From here, one could see the whole view of New York. All its pleasure, glory, grime, and lowliness.

Oh, the things you would give to live in a place like this. If you wanted to take in the beauty of New York, you had to climb up on the fire exit towards the rooftop. And the view from up there wasn't as pretty as this one. All the pretty spots were behind million dollar skyscrapers.

You looked at Bucky once more who leaned against the love seat, then closed his eyes. That same fuzzy image, which you thought you had buried at the back of my mind, resurfaced.

"Bucky?"

He shot straight up. "Yeah?"

"Have we... met each other before?"

A frown formed on his face, his blue eyes meeting yours, his gaze intense; as if he was trying to put a finger on something, on you. But then he gave up, telling you perhaps you'd just seen him somewhere here in New York the last time he was here, bumped into him. Something like that.

You agreed. Maybe that was it.

Again, you pushed that image at the back of your mind, hoping it would never come up while Bucky was still here.

You were about to ask Bucky how long he was planning to stay in New York before partying in every country outside America when your phone rang.

It was Steve. You picked it up immediately. "Hey, Steve. Is everything okay?"

Bucky shot his head towards you, perhaps wondering who this Steve was.

"Hey." He replied. His voice was groggy, like he just woke up. "There's been some misunderstanding with the shipments. They thought I said drop them in the morning. Long story short, the shipments are just outside the pub's door."

"What? They can't do that!"

"They have a lot of deliveries today so they had to. I told them to wait for you but those are impatient bastards. New shipment boys."

You cursed then stood up. "I'm actually not in the apartment right now. I'm somewhere else. Not important. I'm on my way."

"Get there fast, Aria."

"I will, don't worry. Bye, Steve."

Once you got off the phone, you told Bucky the whole situation.

"Let's go then!" He said with much enthusiasm. "Those drinks are no good sitting out there. How else am I going to make you the best drink you'll ever have, darling?"