#I'm so glad you feel welcomed when making art with people <3 the way you put that is wonderful; and so is getting to see some of the results

[ratstuckinamarble]

Your five things are lovely, starshine <3

Oh? I've already listed five things, but don't mind if I cheat a little and add something else that brings me joy here ;)

You

^-^

Hey Izzy! It's ask-game time >:)

So! List 5 things that make you happy (anything that brings you joy is surely wonderful), then put this in the ask box for the last 10 people who liked or reblogged something from you.

(if you feel like it, no pressure <3 )

Well hallo, hun! ^-^ I'd be happy to!

Coming up with an exceptionally good story/scene idea that gives you goosebumps lol. It's enjoyable to ride that little high.

Late night talks (especially during sleepovers) where everything is quiet and intimate, and you're relishing in the time spent with people you love, unafraid to share those personal things about you. Usually those types of conversations make me feel as though a large weight is off my shoulders, and it reminds me that I'm never alone.

The joy of making art with other people, especially in the world of acting, theater, or filmmaking. Seeing people come together, work on something, and then maintain those friendships and connections is so wonderful <3 I always feel so welcomed in spaces like that.

When humans are adorable. When they laugh so hard only a wheeze comes out, when their eyes crinkle when they smile, when their eyes light up when they see something they enjoy, etc.

The anticipation and excitement when you know something you're looking forward to is coming up soon. When you can't fall asleep at night because you're practically vibrating with the excitement of it, and that excitement and joy warms you from the inside out.

There is so so much more, but I'll keep it at that ;) this trend really is lovely <3 it reminds me of all the wonderful things in this world...

[okay-babe]

Hiya Dot! Sorry for the random ask but I am so in love with your writing that it single-handedly got me into this accursed fandom, and now I'm wondering where to start with other authors. Do you happen to have any fic or author recs??

Hi there, anon! I'm so glad you asked because I definitely have some author/fic recs that I'm more than happy to share with you/anyone else who comes across this post!

Before we begin though, shout out to all of the people I mention below! I hope none of you mind being tagged/linked but let me know if you do and I'll remove everything asap :)

1. Starting off strong, we have the amazing @jyoongim! She's been my mutual since I think like day one or two of me creating this account, and I honestly cannot think of anyone more kind or welcoming. Plus, their writing is amazing! Like genuinely so good, I cannot recommend her highly enough. 2. Also, if you're into smut, I am always utterly baffled at the quality of @hazelfoureyes' work. Like, as someone on the ace spectrum, I can say very firmly that sometimes, I don't want to read smut, but even so, I will always read a new post from Hazel when I see it because they're just so well written that I simply cannot wait lol. Plus, their sense of humor is just *chef's kiss*. Love them, truly. (Note: I used they/them here because I don't know Hazel's pronouns, but if anyone does and they aren't gn feel free to let me know and I'll edit this post asap) 3. Additionally, if you like headcannon style writing @a-hazbin-reader is incredible. I've spent actual hours on her page just reading through some of the absolute art she posts there, and it is always a treat. Plus her interactions with her readers are usually either hilarious or incredibly sweet/kind, so it's a good time all around.

As for story/specific fic recommendations, I do have a few of those too!

1. The Deer Dolly series by @ohproserpine (Genuinely incredible writing and a killer story line). 2. You & Me for the worst eternity to come by Notafraidtosimp on AO3 (Definitely not your typical x reader series, but I love everything about it and would never forgive myself if I didn't use this opportunity to share it with everyone). 3. The Partners in Death... and Life series by @safination (This might just be my favorite Alastor series I have ever read, the writing is incredible and I simply cannot recommend it highly enough). 4. Even Death Can Never Part Us by JuliaRobHURTS on AO3 (This is an amazing ongoing long-fic that makes me gasp audibly every time I see that there's been an update. The way the characters are written is utter perfection every time).

I definitely forgot some amazing fics/authors here in my haste to get this posted before class, so everyone should feel more than welcome to comment some other recs if they want to! <3

[crispycreambacon]

You fill your head with thoughts you find you can't even feel

Try to make room in your skull, but it’s full of them

All of the things that you think and then think about thinking

I know it’s hard, but they're not who you are

They're white noise

— White Noise, Will Wood —

Welcome one and all to "Mashing Two Interests Like Playdough", the first episode is Puppet History x Will Wood, specifically the Substitute x White Noise 'cause holy moly. It fits him so well. Omg.

I had so much fun creating this poster! I'm really proud of how the poses and the rendering turned out even though both gave me a rough time at first </3 I actually had an earlier version of this poster, but I scrapped it because it wasn't doing it for me ngl :,D I'm glad I did though!

Anyways if you'd like to know more about why I think this song fits the Substitute, you can read my interpretation of the lyrics and how they can relate to him below the "Read More" button. You can also find the glitchless + filterless version of the poster there.

Note: A lot of this is speculation on my part, and you don't need to conform to this reading. This is just how I perceive him.

They paint the walls with colors that you're not meant to notice

They fill the halls with tunes you can't get into your head

Let's establish the obvious: The Substitute can't feel. The extent of his unfeelingness is unknown, but what is known is that he can't taste and can't have the sensation of touch. This may lead to him being isolated due to his inability to relate to experiences both humans and his fellow puppets seem to have, particularly the experiences of the one he is based on.

Yeah, it sorta sounds like a retro top-40 but wrong

You're not meant to sing along

It isn't that kind of song

It's white noise

Despite his unfeelingness, he still wants to have the experiences others have. After all, he literally almost killed someone just to have that chance, but his plan is not entirely well-thoughout. How was he going to dispose Ryan's body without getting caught? How was he going to sew the skin onto himself and dispose the rest of it? What was he going to do after he finally what he asked for?

In a way, he was doomed to fail. He was never meant to gain sentience anyway, let alone have the desire to feel like his counterpart. His existence is a complete accident. Now he has to deal with the consequences of actions he never even had a hand in doing.

But if you listen closely I swear, to God I swear

You can hear the ocean if you hold it up to your ear

This lyric directly inspired the pose of the Substitute listening to the conch shell. He has memories of some of the most wonderful sensations on Earth yet he can't connect with any of them. Perhaps when no one was looking, he tries to recreate some of them in a desperate attempt to find a scrap of semblance of feeling and gets increasingly frustrated with his inability to understand them.

Is it any wonder that he would do anything to regain that scrap of enjoyment? To end his torturous experience by any means necessary?

Its personality's a lack of identity

The entire second verse in general speaks about the meaningless of art and how people try to give it meaning anyway. The Substitute's only purpose was to replace the Professor either to console a dead mass or to continue the show. Now that the Professor is back... What can he do?

Moreover, he's also never allowed to have an identity of his own. Since he's meant to be a perfect copy of someone else, especially someone who's presumed to be dead, he can never really deviate from that role because it would break the illusion the puppets created to cope with their grief. No matter what his desires are, he can never really explore any of them because no one is allowing him to do so.

Also, the way the orchestra swells during this part kinda calls back to theatrical music for me. I feel like the Substitute would enjoy performace arts. His bombastic musical number implies he had a flair for the dramatics, and despite his lack of feeling, his expression of his ambitions is quite dramatic.

You fill your head with thoughts you find you can't even feel

This can relate to how the Subtitute is forced to relive the memories of the Professor despite not being able to experience the emotions connected with them. In a way, he has to so that he could remind himself of his motivations. Remembering the joy the Professor got through feeling would keep him going on this path in the hopes that some day, he could feel that joy too.

I know it's hard

But they're not who you are

They're white noise

This line can be taken in two ways. One is based on the speculated official meaning of the outro which is centered on intrusive thoughts. No doubt the Substitute deals with homicidal thoughts, but I wonder if he truly believes in them. Does he genuinely enjoy indulge in them, or does he act on them because it's all that he knows? For all the talk about him having the Professor's memories, at the end of the day, he was crudely coded for one simple purpose. His thoughts are very simplistic—as seen with how quickly he jumps to murder as the most logical solution for his problem—and I wonder if he was given a chance to grow beyond his purpose, he could've reliazed that homocide was not the right course of action.

The other way, which is likely more relevant, relates back to the Substitute being intrinsically tied to the Professor. His thoughts, his memories and his actions are all in a way influenced by the Professor. But it didn't have to be this way. As unlikely as it is, he could've had a life where he discovered his own interests and his own personality outside of being "the evil Professor". If he had gotten to learn more about the world on his own, if he had been able to act not as the Professor but as himself, he would've been able to develop more and find that joy he was missing. He could've had a life.

Unfortunately, he was never given that chance, and it is unlikely that he ever will be.

[elitadream]

My dear, I just want to send a proper message that I’m happy for you that you took priority in your mental wellbeing and health. I will miss your art but I will say that I’m glad that I got to view your masterpieces before your art purge (which I totally understand, don’t worry). I think you’re among the best artists to inspire me to find my own footing and interpretation in the SMB fandom in terms on how I view the characters’ personalities, social dynamics and making my personal headcanons and lore posts and of course, in writing my stories.

Your feedback means so much to me when you commented on some of my stories and they make me smile, knowing that you enjoy them. So thank you for taking the time to read them and telling me what you like about them.

I know that I have previously tagged you in some content and especially in some of my newer stories, my dear. Is it okay if I can continue to do so on occasion? If it does make you feel uncomfortable, I can cease the tagging…please let me know.

Know that I’m glad to have come across you, and that your writing and art have inspired me greatly alongside of many other prodigious artists, writers and other content creators in the SMB fandom.

Thank you so much, my dear.

You're so sweet, thank you! ^-^🫂🩷 It's always amazing for me to hear that I've inspired others in some way, and I'm glad that you were able to build your own vision from it! ✍️✨

Oh, but sure! 🤗 I don't plan on being as active as I was previously, so there are posts that I may occasionally miss along the way haha, but I don't mind being tagged. :3 I also welcome direct messages at any time if people want to discuss something with me that isn't necessarily meant to be made public. 👐

I'm happy to have met you too! We haven't known each for long, but I can see you're a very gentle and considerate person who's very appreciated in this community. 😌 Thank you for the lovely encouragements, and you're welcome! 😁

[leopardom]

✨ sappy post incoming ✨

(and a little trigger warrning for the vague mention of suicide)

i’m not gonna do any gig reports for now because last week still feels like a fever dream and i can’t really put my thoughts in an order that makes sense. but i just wanted to stop by to say how much i love the vibes and creativity of this fandom and how happy everyone was when it came to meeting and trading/giving out their creations while queueing for the gigs or even when they were over

in Munich, Milan and Padova i got to meet so many people from here. with some of them i chatted more and with some others less. but in any case it absolutely warmed my heart to finally see all those people i see on tumblr but like, in real life! i got to trade my stickers for bracelets/stickers/art/fan stuff, got to see everyone have a good laugh because of my stuff and also got to complement people for their crafts. and i'm telling you i really meant every single word because as i already mentioned, i love the creativity of this fandom 💕

last weekend i began my trip with pretty much nothing on me and now i'm back home with a bag full of bracelets, a folder full of art and a heart so full i wanna cry. i mean look at that:

1) idek where to begin with the tags of the artists, i’m still confusion but i’ll try to come back to this post again later with a clearer mind

2) “big juicy” bracelet you will always be famous @greensolsikke <3

this last week was a tiring experience with many ups and downs but at the same time it was probably the best week of my life so far

i'm getting especially emotional about it all because this whole frenzy concided with my birthday (on the 29th of March). this may sound cringe or what, but on the actual day of my birthday and when everything was over, i was sitting alone on my hotel bed in Milan and was thinking how this last year of my life started in the worst way possible and how it was only escallating towards the worst every single day. during my 26 i reached a new level of low, a bottom lower than the one i had reached when i was 20-21 (and that was a bad bad time). and yes, there were a few times when i was close to ending it all because it was too much. my 26 was pretty much like hell

but now i'm glad i didn't give up and pushed through all the struggles. because if i hadn't, i wouldn't be able to experience last week. i wouldn't be able to see some of my dearest friends again, to meet all the amazing people from here and from twitter, to see one of my favourite bands perform for three nights in-a-row and to listen to all my fave songs of theirs live and even cry my eyes out to some of them (Barve Oceana in Munich, Padam in Milan and Metulji in Padova really were an Experience). can safely say that my 26 ended with a bang and it was a very good one 😌

i'm feeling sad that this is over but at the same time i'm so warm inside and so happy that it happened. and i would do it all over again, especially if it meant meeting you all again or meeting even more of you from in here. i have never felt so welcome by people who technically only knew me as a tumblr user and i never thought this would happen, considering how awkward i am when it comes to interacting with people online and in real life

anyway i think i've talked too much and i'm slowly loosing my train of thought because the thoughts and emotions are so many right now. i just wanna thank each and every single one of you for making the past week so special and one of the best weeks of my life. i'm beyond gratefull 💖

sincerely, the curly head with the meme stickers 🫶

[libras-interactives]

Usually, I'm not one to comment or ask stuff unless it's a reply but god UTDM (and Lackadaisy) has a grip on me rn :'D

So I have two questions, and if they've been already answered feel free to ignore them!

1. It's stated somewhere in the fic that Flynn uses a cane. So does he have it simply for cosmetic reasons or does he actually need it for walking?

2. Do you think that Cora and Rocky would get along (when not taking the whole 'one does illegal stuff while the other is trying to stop illegal stuff from happening' thing into account)? I kinda thought they would because they are similar personality wise (or at least somewhat lol). Both look up to a co-worker/their boss, crave some sort of validation and are rather hyper.

Also, I just wanted to say I love this fic sm <3

This was the first time I tried out an interactive one, and I'm glad I did :] The added characters are lovely (love love the boys wanna give them a hug or smth), and this fic helped me make four characters! I'm hoping to share them along with art in the near future, but don't get your hopes up, my motivation is a creature that I cannot seem to tame lmao

Anyway, sorry if all of this is rambly, I'm not the best at wording my thoughts in a coherent way :']

Hiiii welcome to my fixation, hope it's fueling your's LOL. Pls tag me if you end up drawing them, I love seeing people's OCs that come from this! And thank you for the kind words 🥺😭

1) People think it's just cosmetic, he goes great lengths to make sure no one sees him using it as a mobility aid. I don't think anyone - sans maybe his brother, the MC a few times, and Cerberus once or twice - has seen him use his proper medical cane. His regular snake-head cane is (per @acesandocs cool ass design) is cool and impressive for showing off but doesn't help when he's hurting.

2) In spite of their similarities, Cora would be aghast at the idea of her and Rocky getting along ... He's a criminal! And drifter! And has a suspicious face!

Setting aside their actual jobs, if they were on the same "team" - They'd both be annoying each other, because Cora leans more orderly and logical, and Rocky is more sensitive and artistic. But to everyone on the outside, they both have very similar chaotic energy and thought processes haha. She also came from a much nicer upbringing and has a more rigid way of thinking, so she probably wouldn't emphatize well with Rocky's "quirks". They both share that inclination to like or dislike someone right away, and stick with that initial opinion.

[ineffabildaddy]

6, 8, and 21 for the soft asks <3

omg hiii hehehe

6. say three nice things about yourself (three physical and three non-physical)

oh god okay, physical: my tattoos are sick, my beard's coming along nicely, and ermmm i'm stacked in the back lmfao

non-physical: i try to be a friendly person, i'm very organised and clean at work which i'm proud of, anddd i'd like to think i know a good amount about music

8. tag someone (or multiple people) who make you feel good

this bit's gna be long so i'll put it under the cut dlfjlkdg

@raining-stars-somewhere-else he's an inactive king atm but he's my bestie and i love him<3 so so hilarious and observant and talented and kind. he's my dude and he means a lot to me go away

@sad-chaos-goblin i feel like i can be totally insane around you and you'll get on my wavelength immediately, it's amazing dlkkkljgfjkld. also i feel really lucky to be friends with someone so well-rounded and driven and fun, not to mention compassionate<3 i'm really really lucky to have met you and i hope we get to do irl adventures in the nearish future!!! until then we're great friends from afar!!!

@omens-for-ophelia we're just perfectly matched for our headcanons and kinks and shit and i absolutely love it. u get me, i get u, we get each other on this front and on many others!!! ur an extremely nurturing person too. i also love having u around bc ur full of fun facts and passion and energy, and of course ur art is absolutely incredible, i'm scratching at the walls just thinking about it dklkjldfgjkl. can't wait to create more absolutely feral works of crowley and aziraphale [redacted] in various ways hahahhkshjdf. and also hopefully have some london hangouts soon<3

@queer-reader-07 of course i've gotta mention ya because you're one of my fave blogs! i feel so warm and welcome reading all your posts and tags because you're a very lovely individual, and you've also got so many valuable things to say and i really look forward to seeing your takes on everything<3 also as i said before ur a very funny person and i enjoy that heh. i always get so excited when u pop up in my notifs i'm like little old me????

@foolishlovers bestie your writing makes me so happy but chatting and things makes me even happier<3 you're a really enthusiastic friend to have and you've got so many wonderful qualities that i just wanna share the love as much as possible hehe. i'm very glad we're doing shhh it's a secret together and that we've become close in general uwu

@crowleyslvt ur a little lad who's always got something hilarious and insightful to say about literally anything i come to u with, whether it's fkn silly memes or an existential crisis lol. you have such a unique way of looking at the world and i really enjoy it. also having a giggle with u is always top tier and on top of that ur a very supportive king<3 and of course u writing's delish at all times in any context

@voluptatiscausa i can literally tell you my most redacted thoughts and you'll be like yeah this is just another day at the office dkffjddgl. you're a silly and goofy guy (gn) who's simultaneously very easy to open up to which is always a comfort<3 the fact that we both like mitchell and webb makes us collectively Not Like Other Girls and we need to capitalise on that more tbh. also i greatly enjoy ur writing ofc

@bowtiepastabitch you're jokes. also we're very different and yet somehow the same brand of fucked up which i love<3 the lore could not be more disparate but the vibes could not be more immaculate. pls continue to be my friend smh

some more legends i love @crowleyholmes @fearandhatred @crowleys-bentley-and-plants @celestialcrowley @sabotage-on-mercury @quoththemaiden @ineffable-rohese @crawley-fell

21. if you could tell your past self one thing, what would it be?

probably this - one day you're going to start sticking up for yourself, i promise<3

[genericdragon]

Hello! Since my art and designs seem to be getting more attention recently(??????) and stuff like this has come up a few times, I thought I'd lay down some ground rules about my art and characters.

Art Rules:

Generally if you want to use my art anywhere PLEASE ASK ME FIRST!!! I'll most likely say yes I just want to know about it. If you're reposting it on a different platform or sharing it on Discord or whatever I'd also appreciate if you could tell me what other people are saying about it or send me a link to the post. Also free to use as pfps or whatever as long as you ask first. and unless I say otherwise (there are some things I don't want my name attached to yknow) ALWAYS MAKE SURE TO CREDIT ME!!! ("genericdragon on Tumblr" will suffice). If it's art that I made specifically for you you're free to use it anywhere without asking just remember to credit me.

Please don't edit my art in any way, shape, or form, aside from maybe cutting out the background or whatever. (including drawing on top of it, changing colors, etc)

You're allowed to trace/heavily reference my art for practice (don't know why you'd want to tho) but DO NOT POST IT ANYWHERE OR USE IT FOR ANYTHING ELSE PLEASE.

Unless we're very close friends/mutuals do not expect free art from me. You can commission me on artistree or follow me on artfight (<- you are VERY likely to get free art this way.) I might do requests but only if it's something that I'd want to draw even if no one requested it. (no fetish baiting. I know it when I see it.)

Character rules:

If you want to use my exact humanization as your headcanon for that character or use them in your AU then be my guest! Again, just make sure to credit me for the design, and please tag me in anything you do with them :)

That being said, there are a few story related things that I'm not comfortable sharing with other AUs, but it's usually stuff that I don't post on Tumblr so you probably don't know abt it anyway. Just ask me if you're unsure. However I will also ask that you don't create an entirely new backstory for them if you're putting them in your own AU.

I can't stop you from taking inspiration from my designs but please don't just change a few things from my design and call it your own. They're not technically my original characters but I am still very attached to my humanizations and I'm not comfortable with them being modified like that. I'm glad that ppl like my designs but I don't want them to run too far away from me until they're not mine anymore yknow?

You are always always ALWAYS welcome to draw my character designs, especially when interacting with your own or other people's :) Tag me in any art you make of them!! I want to see it!!!

I made another post about it but self-shipping is allowed (as long as it's not a teenager who's way younger than you) just make sure to abide by the rest of these rules.

Also drawing nsfw of my 18+ characters is fine. (Unless I explicitly say they're a teenager or they are known to be a teenager in canon you can assume they're an adult) You can show me or not idc. Just don't send it to me without warning I don't wanna be jumpscared

Other Stuff:

I do not control the hyperfixation. If you followed me for one specific fandom/character that I don't post about often I can't guarantee that you'll see any more of it. Portal is the one thing you can ALWAYS expect me to come back to but the other stuff just comes and goes. Not saying that I'll NEVER come back to it again just don't hold your breath. Feel free to unfollow or block any tags you're not interested in, I don't take any offense to it.

Please do not reblog any art older than like... 3 or 4 years. I'll leave it up for now but if you reblog it I WILL delete it, sorry.

Continuing from that point, this is my blog and I will delete things as I see fit. Please do not download and repost my art if I delete it. If it's gone then I don't want it to be public anymore, please respect my wishes.

I won't throw a hissy fit if you like art but don't reblog it, I totally get that some things just aren't for everyone, but reblogging really does help a lot and I appreciate it :)

Please don't feel intimidated by me! Apparently some people think of me as a Big Scary Popular Artist and I have no idea where that impression came from but I'm not. I'm just a weirdo girl making my silly little drawings. Also PLEASE don't say anything to the effect of "your art is so good it makes me feel bad" or using my art to put yourself down. I have Kind Of Complicated feelings about my art so when people do this it really messes me up. Just don't, it makes both of us feel so much worse.

Asks are always welcome, although I do try to draw art in response to asks but sometimes I just don't get around to it, or it's for a fandom I'm not currently interested in. (Sorry to that one person who sent me an INSIDE related ask that's just been sitting in my inbox for several months)

I do have an nsfw blog, you can dm me for the url, although I may choose to withhold it from you for any reason. (I'm shy 👉👈)

Other than that just uhhhhh be reasonable treat me like a person respect my boundaries etc. I'll update this if needed but this is the most important stuff for now I think

[seokmashu]

moot appreciation & 1000th post ❤️

to celebrate the end of predebut era, zb1's debut, my lovely 5ever moots, and my 1000th post! (also bc this ask has been sitting in my inbox for a few weeks now and i figured it's time!) it's been a few months since i joined zumblr and i wanted to shout out a few people who have made this experience so fun and lively and wonderful and whose friendships i really treasure ❤️ i love all of you mwah now let's goo!!

💌 cherrie // @cherriegyu 🍒

cherrieee tietie 🫶 when i first came on tumblr you were one of the only ppl i talked to and you made me feel so welcome in the community- i loved discussing lex's hp ideas with you, our bias lists and being a zerorat (💀) imy and love you lots <3

💌 moni // @taerrrrrae 🐨

moni you're always so sincere when reading and reacting to other ppl's works, responding to asks, and letting other ppl know you're thinking of them, that i find it so inspiring~ i mean who else would compose poems for their moots?? you're such a sweet person a 7 star hallabong fr <3

💌 riri // @chxrrymxxnlight 🌛

ririii my fav riyangi fangirl!! you're so cute and i appreciate how you always keep me up to date about zb1 stuff (like within 0.1 seconds of them posting, insane) even tho we always miss each other cuz we live in opposite timezones 😭 i hope u only have happy days ahead and i'm so excited to hear more about this story you're writing and drawing!! <3

💌 tee // @haesunflower ⛳

teee! i'm so glad you sent me that message when we first became moots bc it's so much fun talking to you~ remember the gyuvin cheeto ask i sent you? 💀 and all those times you were thirsty over wrote about zb1 ahem. i love discussing fic ideas with you because you simply give the best reactions and i'm so happy you get to live out your y/n fantasy fr fr 😭 <3

💌 rose // @ohdudedhesflirting 🐝

ah yes rose one of the only other seokryus that i know on tumbles 😭 your thirsty reactions to posts are so funny and always crack me up~ i'm sooo glad you started writing more bc i love reading your fics!! still mad you didn't tag me in the first one 😤 but it's ok since it literally wrenched my heart out ;; i hope you're doing better now and that you had a wonderful bday <3

💌 lex // @bp-zb1fics 🦇

lex i know you haven't been as active lately but it doesn't feel right to not include you in this since you were literally my d-1 bestie when i first started this blog- i loved discussing fic ideas with you and joking around making silly posts and sending each other twts and telling each other about our dreams and reading all the wonderful stuff you wrote! i hope you're doing well now, i'm thinking about you <3

💌 venom // @zerobaseonefics 🕸️

you were one of the first people i talked to when i arrived at zumblr and i remember thinking wow she seems cool i wanna get to know her! little did we know that was the start of a century long feud however thankfully we can say war is over now that you've admited defeat 😇 fr tho, you're such a talented writer and i really admire how you always make time to listen to and talk to everyone~ your love for spiderman is sooo cute you act cool all the time but you're actually the cutest yk? thank you for encouraging me to post my art back then, i really don't think i would've started posting my bday series if it weren't for you and ilysm <3

💌 hazel // @hanbeanz 🔮

aka the don 😎 hazel i think you're such a talented gifmaker and the way you include your stream of consciousness always cracks me up lolol i think you're an awesome leader and it's fun discussing ideas for zb1net tg, don't feel too discouraged and i also hope you don't get too burnt out either<3 also that time you sent me an ask about your emoji tag still cracks me up hahaha <3

💌 alma // @gunwookstan 🐭

my fav fav fav mattwook fangirl almaaaaa <3 i'm so happy you messaged me bc we are literally kindred spirits when it comes to reacting to our boys LOL it was sooo funny that one time i was scrolling twt and accidentally found your account and you were like sweats uhhh that's not me ok sure 👀 talking with you always brightens my day ily sooo much mwah <3

💌 rin // @jjanguri 🐳

rininining!! my sweet, kind, open-hearted friend who can't help but cry from simply existing 🥺 from our first interaction i could tell you were gonna be lots of fun to talk to~ i love being spymasters tg, hearing ab your feud with your cubicle mate, the tattoos you plan on getting, your reactions to hao, and your love of eating bricks and concrete <3 bc of you "goobert" and "monch" are imprinted into my mind LOL and also i think it's soo impressive how you churn out 10 gifsets every day even tho you're so busy all the time~ idk what's up with the whole ss and meow agenda you've been cooking up lately but grrrr i'm keeping my eye on you 👀 thanks for being such a fun but also calming presence my lovely friend and i hope you know i'm here for you when the going gets tough <3

💌 iana // @taeraex 🦖

iana our cute adorable bb <33 it's funny that your bias is taerae bc both of you could stand still doing nothing and i would still think it's the funniest thing LOLL i love talking to you about astrological signs and your stalker behavior and being petty and your random bursting out into song and playing codenames with you (we fr are connected to the same wifi bc it's crazy how similar our instincts are) it's always such a fun time when you're around 😛 you could talk for hours and hours and i would love listening to every second of it you're just so funny and endearing and cute <3 also thank u for always supplying the cute cat pics bc there is a SEVERE drought going on 🙏 i hope u get some sleep bc i'm always worried ab you y'know <3

💌 lili // @y--eontan 🦎

o lilicat how i adore you, you're so funny and brazen and sweet and every time i see you lurking in chat i just wanna go pspspsps 😽 before we started talking i remember seeing your emoji gifset and i remember thinking this is so cool i can't wait to see the part 2!! and then you messaged me and i was like :0 your reactions to gunwookie are soo cute that i just wanna spam you with every noot noot/cheek pic i see~ it's so funny the way you complain about stuff and block people you have no patience for lmaooo i am seated for our next complaining sesh 🫡 your comments and little quips always catch me off guard bc you're so deadpan and i love your sense of humor haha also when you drew that lil orange puppy on the art i made for you? *bursts into tears* <3

💌 hope // @zeroze 🕊️

my cute hopieee i'm so sorry i called u buzz lightyear when all u wanted to be was bubbles 😭 it's so much fun theorizing ab zb1 concepts with you bc we share one mind when it comes to our music tastes and thank you for always looking out for me and asking if i'm gonna watch stuff with you and making sure i go to bed at a reasonable hour 🫶 you're so sweet and kind and funny (thinking about the time you banned iana 💀) even tho you never let me have my own cute emoji reacts :'( i hope your exhibition wraps up well and you can fiiiinally have the break you deserve! and i also hope you have the best time in japan/korea (if we don't end up meeting up!!) and i SWEARRR i'll go to bed earlier (just for u 😚) <3

💌 maria // @sunghanbinie 🌺

aka jiff, lieutenant mario, and the other half of our shared braincell -- i love how we can talk about anything and everything, from when we wake up to when we go to bed, you've simply been there for everything. even though you torment me day-to-day with monkey allegations and thirsty matt gifs, you're also always there to listen to my troubles and check up on me when i'm feeling down - i appreciate you so so much from playing 49584 games together every night and spilling tea to fangirling over zb1 and giving me gif advice. you are my constant <3 i think you're so smart and funny and such a talented gifmaker and writer. i love our little jokes and making fun of each other at every opportunity, and i truly don't think being on zumblr would've been the same without you <3 i love you sooo much mwah mwah mwah <333

finally, a shoutout to moots who i haven't spoken to as much but who i want to get to know better because i just think they're so talented and cute and cool: @jinkiseason // @zb1s // @zerobaseone // @seokmatthewz // @sung-hanbin // @yunacoeur // @keiwook // @cinnajun // @juyomiao <3

this was written from the heart at like 4am and i hope you all know just how much i love and appreciate each and every one of you <3 1000 posts and 10000 more to go! can't wait to spend the next 2.5 years with y'all 😁

[gentlebeardsbarngrill]

Hi, I have huge gratitude and admiration for your posts and updates on OFMD, I always find them so comforting and informative! Especially as I'm only on Reddit and got a Tumblr account 4 days ago to keep track of OFMD (Twitter/X is just too overwhelming for me lol). What was your take on Rhys Darby's Cameo video in regards to making you feel more hopeful/less hopeful/neither but it was still lovely? With the deafening silence from David Jenkins and worrying that the morale is dropping, it's irresistible not to start feeling a bit of doom, you know? Any response appreciated, but regardless, thank you so much for the work you're doing ❤️

Hello my dear! Welcome to tumblr, we're so glad to have you! I really should get on reddit sometime (I get notifications when certain posts get busy but I just always forget to check them). I totally get that Twitter is overwhelming, it's a tornado of information--and thank you! I'm so glad you're getting something out of the updates!

My take on the Rhys Darby cameo, ay? Well I'll be honest, I thrive on even a little bit of feedback so I was 100% pumped after that yesterday. It sounds silly but I went and cried in the shower for 20 mins because I was feeling torn between the sadness for Rhys and what he lost and was feeling and then also the beautifully kind and positive advice he was giving us.

After that-- I basically felt like someone called Gondor for aid and I was a raging pile of need for action. I actually feel more hopeful now, but I think Rhys has that affect on people. Like that man could tell me the sky was blue and I'd grin like a toddler with a lollipop and nod and feel like I could take on the day.

I do totally get that doom and gloom feeling that comes with the silence. We need that feedback from the people we're fighting for to keep morale up. That being said though--- I've noticed a trend over the past few weeks since cancellation, and that is that when we start feeling down, someone in the cast/crew starts poking their nose out. Usually its Chaos Dad (David Jenkins) but all of a sudden when things are slowing down again this week, Rhys puts himself up on Cameo, two days before the UK launch of s2? I just don't believe in coincidences in most cases, especially when we're all watching things so closely. It may make me sound like a conspiracy theorist but I do truly believe that a huge chunk of the cast and crew is watching our actions and reactions to things very carefully (Hell, Alex Sherman is over on twitter liking a bunch of fan art and porn, so at least we have our little perverted guardian angel!). They just seem to keep popping up at the exact right moments to help rally the troops for them not to be.

The difficulty with negotiations in any industry is the whole Non Disclosure Agreement that comes along with people potentially taking on new clients/funding new projects. Legitimately, there could be a contract in the works right now with a network and we already have our s3, but we just can't know about it because that would damage / threaten negotiations. It could be the other way too, but with how supportive Chaos Dad and Rhys and the rest of the crew have been just popping in and out like little bubbles of positivity, I really feel like we have still have some hope here. It's just really hard to be patient when we're all pushing so hard-- which is why breaks are so important. Anywhoooo, I've had my coffee so I'm obviously rambling at this point-- thank you so much dear for writing into me! I hope that answers your question... I am feeling overwhelmingly positive after Rhys' videos and feeling very mama bear on wanting to protect that man by doubling down on efforts, lol. So glad you're will us on tumblr friend! Always feel free to reach out :D <3<3<3 Ty!

[digitaldoeslmk]

Hello! Lmk criticism curious anon back again!

Thank you for the in depth answer, it confirmed a lot of what I had guessed were the issues with it, but also brought up a couple points I hasn't fully considered. Your point about how in the west we tend to play with Roman/norse/etc gods freely was something I knew and was part of why I was confused why it seemed so frowned upon with Eastern religions, but I hadn't considered the fact that eastern religions tend to be sort of ignored anyways, so that same sort of dollhouse play would be seen as disrespectful.

I've been meaning to dive further into it, there's a lot there and it's all so interesting. But like you said, I definitely think I'm in the minority for wanting to look into it more. The fandom seems to take a combination of LMK and OSP's summaries as the only jttw media to look at and use, and refuse anything else (some of the stuff they do with ne'zha is exhausting), so I can definitely see where that combined with the much larger audience would make it hard to engage with.

The point about the much larger audience meaning more criticism just by more people is good as well. I've got rough anxiety and seeing so many people seem to rag on it was starting to make me feel bad for enjoying it when it felt like the consensus was starting to be 'anyone who actually knows jttw sees it as disrespectful' and I wanted to understand why that was - or even if it was entirely true in the first place.

But thank you again for the answer, it was helpful. Love your work by the way, both thr LMK and jttw ones. Your jttw wukong is such a shaped design, I love the colors and markings <3

You're more than welcome, anon! Glad I was able to clear things up for you <3

for what it's worth, i know a fair share of folks who adore JTTW and also enjoy LMK to some level, and quite a few who entered the more scholarly side of the fandom thanks to it!! you're not alone in wanting to learn more about the novels and the culture behind them thanks to LMK.

rest assured that you can enjoy LMK critically, doing so isn't the downfall of China or anything. we can always use more reasonable voices in the fandom, who can look at it critically without taking away from the good and genuinely entertaining things in it, and who can help invite more folks into some proper media literacy.

and i'm glad you enjoy my art!! <33 hoping to keep them coming, they bring me much joy and i'm happy sharing it makes people happy too :D

[nyehilismwriting]

Hey! I wanted to ask for your advice. I was a minor part of the IF community, specifically the COG community, back in 2020. Mostly as a reader, but I dabbled in sharing some of my own writing too. For... reasons we are both well aware of, both in regards to COG, the larger IF community, and the start of COVID I eventually quietly left. Now, three years later, I've been quietly picking up writing IF again as a way to share my story with others. I was wondering if you think, in your opinion, it's worth officially re-joining the IF community on tumblr. On one hand, I feel like things have improved in that the larger community has matured (somewhat). I would like to make more friends, get advice, and maybe even share some more of my art. On the other hand, my project as it stands is... very non-traditional compared to a lot of other IFs (IE: No character customization, no romance, focus on a singular story with emphasis on worldbuilding, etc.). So I don't know if I would even be able to build a community around it even if I did officially rejoin.

I've followed your blog since 2020, including Project Hadea (although I think I originally started following you for your urban fantasy project, although I cannot for the life of me remember if that was you or another author!), and thought I'd come to you for your advice.

I chose to send this ask publicly so that you could choose to answer it privately, if you wished, since it is a longer ask. But I'm okay with you posting it publicly if you would like to! Additionally, no pressure or obligation to respond. Have a nice day!

hi there!! thank you for thinking of me - and welcome back! i'm glad to hear you've been writing again<3 it's such a good feeling, especially when you haven't been able to be creative for a while.

i think i'll start by addressing your game itself. personally, I think this community could do with some new blood in the form of games that are non-traditional; some of the best IFs I've played, ones that have really stuck with and inspired me, have been ones without romance, or cc, or otherwise outside of the typical format that gets popular on tumblr. honestly, i think we could all stand to get a little weirder with it. having said that, there is a very clear type of game that gets popular on tumblr (long-form, narrative-driven, usually with romance, usually with some kind of emphasis on character creation), so if you're a number-go-up kind of person (or someone who is susceptible to that mindset), I would be braced for your audience to remain small, particularly when you're just starting out.

that's not necessarily a bad thing. while I do agree with you that this community has grown and changed shape a lot since the late 2010s, and in a lot of ways for the better, it's definitely not perfect. I can't, in good conscience, say that this is the friendliest or most comfortable community: lots of people are absolutely lovely, and very very kind and enthusiastic; however, and this is absolutely not limited to IF but endemic to any online community, there are ongoing issues with Boundaries, and Respect, and the ways people interact with work and authors they're fans of. certainly, when you share your work you're giving up some control, but it's hard to predict exactly how that's going to go, and how the audience are going to react.

not saying this to put you off, but it's something I think everyone needs to be aware of before deciding to share. it's good to remember that you're not beholden to anyone. this is tumblr dot come, and you're quite free to start a blog, decide it's not for you, and delete; you're free to turn off anon, or asks altogether, or to never post anything save for updates; this is not a corporate space (and while there are considerations if you plan to open a patreon etc, but if we're just talking tumblr) and you are not obligated to do or provide anything you haven't promised.

my other bit of advice - and i think one of the ways to keep any interactions as pleasant as possible - is to be honest, and transparent, and manage expectations. if you make it clear what kind of game you're writing, you're less likely to get people who are disappointed that it's not what they were expecting and taking it out on you. likewise, setting boundaries is important.

i can't really tell you if it's 'worth' rejoining: i've definitely questioned if it's worth it, myself. i've seen some people, ostensibly in the same community as me, doing and saying things i find utterly reprehensible, and i've made some incredibly close friends who i adore and wouldn't give up for the world. and, after all, i am still here and answering asks, so i can't hate it that much. communities are made up of people, and like any group, there's gonna be people you can't stand and people you can. it's about finding your corner, and making it a bearable space for yourself.

i can't tell you if you'll have a positive or negative experience; I can't tell you how to control that. all i can say is that this is an online community, and ultimately you can control when and how interactions occur.

finally - again, i'm glad you're writing again! if you decide not to step back into the IF scene on tumblr, there's plenty of devs who keep purely to itch.io or the cog forums and seem to do fine; sharing your game does not necessarily mean sharing anything else. do what makes you most comfortable <3

[mojoflower]

heyy there, im new to tumblr & i was learning to use it & ur post introducing people to tumblr came up and i read it. i just have a question, i read somewhere else that it is not welcome to disagree/argue w someone in my reblog of their post. say someone idk posts ab t swift & matty healy (controversial topic) & i reblog disagreeing, would that be seen as improper etiquette, as just spreading negativity? sry for the random q but u seem like u'd know. u can msg me to answer if u'd rather <3

Hello, @ashtraygrrrl and welcome! I'm glad that my post was helpful, what a lovely thing to hear.

We so happy to have you, and thanks for asking about things when you're unsure.

What you're talking about here is called (not-so-fondly) 'hijacking a post'. That can mean either using your re-blog to attack the OP (Original Poster)'s post or using your re-blog to just... say something completely unrelated. In either of these cases, if the hijack takes off, the OP is suddenly in the wildly upsetting position of getting hammered with potentially vicious reblogs that become totally out of their control. And that's a cruel thing to do to someone.

If you need to make your counter-argument, then use your own original post to do so, and tag it appropriately, so that the people who are interested can find it. (This does NOT mean tagging the OP.)

Now use your judgement, of course. The OP might be a mutual and y'all might have the kind of rapport where this is perfectly fine. Or you might be on a 'Yes, and' post where your random detour is appropriate and appreciated.

Mostly, just remember that you don't know anything about the OP, and err on the side of kindness. Then, hopefully, the community will treat you in the same way, and Tumblr stays fun and inclusive rather than toxic.

A good rule of thumb is to treat posts (whether they be random thoughts, art, fic, meta, etc.) like dishes at a potluck. If you don't like it, you don't shout about it, make a scene and cause that cook feel terrible... you just move on and sample the next one.

Remember to liberally use the 'Block' feature. It doesn't hurt anyone to do so (the blocked person/tag/phrase never even knows it) and helps your blood pressure and enjoyment.

[isa-ghost]

getting sentimental over you in public but thank you for being like. my biggest supporter with joining the qsmp fandom :)) publicly blaming uou for my brainrot bcyou helped explain things to me so clearly which made the daunting feeling of Oh God A Year Of Content not as daunting.

and with the animatics dude you’re :((( you’re so encouraging with me when i have literally no clue what im doing AJDJDN thank you so much <3

(im also actually CHATTING im a CHATTER now bc i know YOURE a chatter i went in pegs all by myself the other night it was crazy)

MASONNNNNNN 💚💚💚

Dude only veteran isa-ghost followers will understand this but AMFMN has been some of the most fandom fun I've had since collaborating with our best friends to make the Bunker AU.

I've never written fanfic before, only OC writings, which you know abt ofc, and the fact that this is my FIRST ONE EVER and you made an animatic for it BEFORE CHAPTER 2 EVEN DROPPED?? Insane. I can't wrap my head around it. The fact that I was one chapter in and you and @bunchofdoodlesinspace already made fanart for the fic??? I shit you not, hugely responsible for me plotting out over 10 fucking chapters of this fic. I didn't expect to make this a long fic but here we are and I am OBSESSED with every part of it.

And ofc I'm gonna be the most vocal supporter of your art, I've watched you fucking BLOOM and then some over the what, 6 fucking years?? We've been friends. You're on a level I wanted to be at by now for as long as I can remember, so everything you make to me is breathtaking and I love how experimental you are with what you do because my dumb ass is SOOO annoyingly particular and precious about my art and it's a nightmare to put up with. I love seeing you pop off in ways I personally haven't (yet?), it genuinely inspires me to take a shot at it some day when I have the means.

I've never properly infodumped to someone before because my friends have always been people who like the same things as me and already Understand(tm) so the fact that I not only got to be Extremely Autistic about my silly bird man but also coherently explained so much lore AND have resources prepared to further help myself explain & catch up a newbie is. So rewarding.

And I'm so glad I introduced you not only to PEGS but to the Freaks too because they are the 2 most welcoming and hilarious communities I've ever been a part of, in mcyt or otherwise. I've never felt like it was difficult to sorta worm into them, right away I felt like part of the whole. Literally will never forget the first time a Freak recognized me and greeted me at the start of stream without me saying anything to them first. I'm so happy to introduce you to the same kindness I was shown by them and to have someone to cherish it with.

I fucking love you you dork I hope I successfully drag you into a million more interests bc I love watching what it does to your brain and how that manifests in your art.

[callofthxvoid]

WHO: Karma Free and Xander Garcia

SUMMARY: What Karma and Xander were doing when everyone else was looking at art.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Suicidal ideation, parental abandonment, mentions of abuse

"So, how does it feel to be a parent now, Dad?" KARMA asked with a grin, the faintest bit of teasing in her voice when she called him that. She was sitting on the sofa in the Knightley's house, holding baby Jasmine firmly against her chest in an attempt to soothe her, which seemed to be working. It was a side of her that only a handful of people got to see—the side that was calm, and soft, and a lot more mature than she led on to public. "It was nice of you to agree to take the triplets so that Lia and Vero could have a day out with Juniper."

XANDER was checking over Luna, who unlike his namesake was managing to stay asleep in the crib he was in. He was walking back and forth holding Fabian, while less fussy than his sister, he'd figured out he liked movement rather than simply being rocked. "Weird…but good weird?" He admitted chuckling as he leaned down to brush his lips against his son's head. Glancing up at Karma he shrugged, "She popped out all 3 of our kids after lugging em around for 9 months. She deserves a chance to get to have some fun and Juniper could use the attention."

"I get that," KARMA replied with a small smile. "I vibe with good weird. For what it's worth, it suits you. Being a dad." She glanced down at Jasmine, chuckling softly as she watched the previously displeased expression shift into one of neutrality, or at least what passed for neutrality on a baby's face. Slowly standing up, she began inching her way closer to the crib. She had learned the last time that she was over that putting Jasmine down was basically part stealth operation and part magic trick. "You deserve to have some fun too, you know. It might not be the same as going to an art festival but I'm cool to hang out for a couple of hours after we get the babies down for their naps. If you'd like the company."

XANDER was gently stroking his son's cheek watching the way he was struggling to stay awake. His eyes flickered to Karma before back down to his son, the vague reminder of who else would always say things like that. "Thanks, does make me a little nervous. But glad I got the vibe down at least," he said chuckling. He was watching her move towards the crib an amused grin on his face. Holding his finger up to his lips as he glanced back down at Fabian even if he couldn't understand. "You sure? Could always find a book or something, Knightley and Z are suppose to be back at some point. Really don't want you ending up bored," he said voice dropping to a whisper as she set Jasmine down quick to place Fabian next to her so she was sandwiched between her brothers. For a split second he held his breath as she made a face before seeming to settle. "Swear she really tries to live up to her namesake," he mumbled stroking her cheek gently to help her fully settle.

KARMA breathed a soft sigh of relief when all three babies were settled in the crib. Instead of looking at them, she glanced up at Xander and watched him as he reached in to stroke baby Jasmine's cheek. There was something about not only being tolerated, but welcome into intimate family moments like this one that made her feel warm inside, in a way that she'd only experienced a handful of times in her life—most of them here in Huntsville. Before that, the only person who had ever made her feel wanted was Neptune. "I'm sure," she replied with a soft shrug. "I'm working at the ball later so I wouldn't mind taking it easy until then. And I'm never bored when I hang out with you." She glanced back down into the crib. "So, was her namesake also fussy and liked attention?" she asked tentatively, hoping that she made it clear that he didn't have to answer if he didn't want to.

XANDER had double checked all three were properly bundled up, letting his shoulders slump. He was grateful for all the help, the it takes a village never more true than having all their friends pitch in to help with not only the triplets, but Juniper and even Lia and Xander themselves. Letting them actually have breaks and time to themselves, a luxury most parents didn't get. He took a seat on the couch again, knowing he was likely to fuss over them until he'd accidentally wake them and then they'd be back at square one. At the question about Minnie he glanced up at the ceiling, it didn't hurt as much anymore but some days it still felt like he was missing a vital piece of himself. "Attention? Not really, it was always kind of just the two of us, you know? Like she got along with my siblings and I mostly got along with her family, but it was always just us figuring it out." Some days he wondered about Minnie's family, none of the had ever come back, though that was likely better. If he saw her parents he didn't think he'd be able to keep from lashing out. "Fussy though, yeah," he said chuckling softly so not to wake them, "She woulda loved the ball, woulda had us both decked to the nines," he admitted.

KARMA waited for Xander to finish checking on the kids before following him to the couch. Taking a seat, she tucked her legs under herself and turned her body to face him, comfortably falling into the quieter, more subdued side of her personality as she listened to him talk. She let out a soft laugh. "So, did she always dress both of you for events?" she asked with genuine curiosity before dropping her gaze to her hands and taking a deep breath. "I think I get it. I mean, I didn't know her and all relationships have their own distinct qualities that make them like, unique and stuff, but I get it. She was your Neptune." She paused. "It's always just kind of been the two of us too, you know? Like, when he wanted to come here to find his cousin, he didn't even have to ask me if I was coming with him. It was just kind of a given."

XANDER chuckled and shrugged, rubbing idly at his arm with his hand. "Usually yeah, she was really creative with it. I didn't mind being her sidekick or doing some genderbents." Glancing at her, he listened before slowly nodding. For a brief second he gripped his own wrist, "We were suppose to go to college together. Had a dorm and everything, and it's like yeah I have my siblings. But they also had each other, they're twins, you know? And sometimes I'm just the older brother, the responsible one." He hasn't talked about Minnie since Lola really or when he's forced to remind Scout because tip toeing around it doesn't work every time. "She was my person, and to be honest I haven't really been sure who I am now without her," glancing at the crib again he rubs his arm again, "I'm glad you have Neptune, you guys have been really great to have around here."

KARMA let out a soft laugh. It was bittersweet, listening to Xander talk about someone who was clearly a big, important part of his life, whom he would never get to see again and she would never get to meet. And the fact that he was talking to her about it, of all people, made her wonder if he'd actually been allowed to mourn, or if all of his responsibilities had gotten in the way of that. "It's okay if you don't have it figured out," she replied with a shrug. "Hell, most of the time I'm not really sure I know who I am, and I have my person. You're allowed to feel lost without yours." She took a deep breath and dropped her gaze to her hands. "You have a lot of people around you who care about you, and I know that none of us can be who Minnie was, and I don't think any of us are trying to be. And when you figure it out, it probably won't be what you had, but… It might be something else that's also good. Not better or worse than what you had with her. Just different."

XANDER had blinked when his vision blurred before feeling wetness on his face. Quick to bring his arm up to rub at his eyes, "Sorry, I'm not…not trying to be a downer today…sorry," he apologized. He glanced down bringing his hand to grip his own arm again and in a vain attempt to comfort himself. Slowly he was nodding again to what she was saying. "I told Finch once it feels like Minnie just keeps sending people at me. It's stupid but…it feels like that sometimes," he admitted softly a faint flush forming on his cheeks. "I miss her," he said and can hear the way his voice cracks saying it out loud. He doesn't remember the last time he's admitted to it, too focused on other people's grief or trying to keep things under control. "I miss her so fucking much….and I know I shouldn't but I wish it had been me. Like I'm a dad, I have my family and my friends but…I still think about it sometimes…."

It didn't take long for KARMA to scoot closer to Xander on the sofa and wrap her arms around him. "It's okay, you don't need to apologise," she said, gently encouraging him to lean against her while slowly stroking his back. "You're allowed to miss her. You're allowed to wish it had been you instead. It doesn't make you a bad dad, or a bad brother, or a bad friend. It just means you had someone you love very much and you wish she was still here." She fell silent for a moment, continuing to rub soothing circles between his shoulders and just listening, letting him get out the feelings that he had kept inside. "You know… If it helps you to feel like she's sending us to you, then I think you should, even if it feels stupid. Because it's not stupid. I mean, who knows, right? Maybe that is the reason I'm here now."

One of the few times XANDER had cried over Minnie had been the first night. When Knightley and Zarina had found him mid panic attack at the fire station, some days he wasn't sure whether Lia would have been enough to tear him away from Minnie. Grateful the two had shown up to help them, on his worst nights he wasn't sure he'd have ever moved, maybe just waited till nightfall. He hesitated before slumping against her, still holding onto himself but leaning his weight on her. Now that he'd started he couldn't get himself to stop crying, shoulders trembling, nodding along to what she was saying again. A chuckle slipped out as a shaky smile formed, "Honestly I think by the time you and your brother showed up she was probably sick of my shit," shaking his head slightly, "Like how many people did she need to stuff in a house for me, you know?" Bringing his hand up to wipe at his face he let out a shaky breath, "I'm sorry…probably not how you expected today to go, huh?"

KARMA pulled back slightly, enough to look at Xander with a small smile on her lips, before reaching out to wipe a few stray tears from his face. "Pretty sure based on what everyone's told me about her that she would stuff a whole town into a house for you if that's what you needed," she replied with another soft chuckle. Her hand lingered on his cheek for a moment, before she settled both of her arms around him in a friendly hug, pulling him back toward her and pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek. "Eh, I don't really think far enough ahead to have any expectations for how my days go," she replied lightheartedly, giving him one last squeeze before letting go. "Some days I get drunk at 10am and have to be carried home on my brother's back. Some days I end up comforting my friend after helping put his triplets to bed. I consider both of these things time well spent." She shrugged. "It might not be what people think of when they see me but I know how much it sucks to be alone. So if I can help someone to not feel that way… Why wouldn't I, you know?"

XANDER sniffled another watery chuckle slipping out. "I think you guys would have gotten along," he mumbled. He's slightly embarrassed she's wiping his face, not use to being the one comforted nowadays. This time a full laugh slips out shaking his head and settling in the couch. "Good thing your brother's built like a linebacker, you got solo dibs or you mind sharing the ride home?" He's not sure when the next time he's going to be willing to party is, but it's nice to think about. His brow furrowed as he looked at her, "What do you mean? You're probably one of the friendliest people at the Commune right now."

KARMA felt a sense of victory when Xander let out a full laugh. "Hey, my taxi is your taxi," she replied with a grin, knowing Neptune might groan about her offering him out as a ride but would ultimately not mind doing it. Her expression didn't falter when he asked what she meant, but she dropped her gaze to her hands and paused for a moment, considering how to explain what she meant without getting way too deep with it. "Most people don't take me seriously," she started, looking back up with a smile. "And that's fine, because most of the time I'm not being serious anyway. I kind of learned at a young age that being that way was the only way I could get people to like me." She shrugged. "Nobody really wanted me around before Neptune. I mean, I had a family, but my bio dad wasn't in the picture and my mom was kind of… Honestly, she was kind of a bitch. And my stepdad was a real piece of work. Beat the shit out of me until he kicked me out when I was like fifteen. It was a whole thing." She sighed. "But people don't really wanna be friends with that girl, you know? They wanna be friends with the fun one. And that's cool, because I'm good at being the fun one. It's just not all that I am."

XANDER was watching her curiously, more than a bit surprised that she was smiling despite everything she was saying. It was his turn to reach over, gently squeezing her hands with one of his. "For what it's worth I don't think it has to be one or the other. Uh… Knightley and Z have this thing about saying things aren't mutually exclusive, pretty sure that fits here." He gave her hands another squeeze before pulling back, "Also…it's kind of like with Minnie's parents, they're missing out big time with you." He tried not to sigh considering he wasn't the one who'd been treated that way. "I'm sorry your stepdad was crap, but I'm glad you have Neptune. That you guys have each other now."

KARMA let out an amused chuckle. "Yeah, that sounds like them," she commented with a grin, squeezing Xander's hand back before letting go and sinking further into the couch with a deep breath, resting her head against the back of it. "Yeah? Minnie's parents also suck the big one?" she asked, tilting her head to look at him with a wry smile before shrugging. "You know, I did meet my bio dad. Once. Tracked him down after I got kicked out. It… Didn't end well." For the first time in their conversation, her expression visibly deflated as she pulled her knees up to her chest, curling up into a ball and wrapping her arms around her legs. Blinking slowly, she kept her gaze on a spot on the floor before turning her head to look at him again. "You know, I've never actually told anyone that before. I met Neptune not long after that, and… I don't know. It was just easier to pretend like I'd never met my bio dad than to admit that I'd practically begged him for help and he still didn't want me."

XANDER was laughing with her, if a little softer before grimacing at the mention of Minnie's parents. "They hated me, kept it hidden from my siblings and just took it because it meant I got to stay in Minnie's life. She cut them out when we were still in high school and they just left." He can feel his jaw clenching, the fact they'd never come back to check on her or even asked about her before the paradox. How'd they just written her off like she was nothing. He wanted to reach over to try and comfort her, but he couldn't help but glance at the crib. Going over to check on the triplets, adjusting their blankets. He tried to imagine not wanting any of them the way Karma and Minnie's parents had been but it felt like such a foreign concept. They were healthy and alive, what more could he really ask of them? Moving back to the couch he hesitated before wrapping his arm around her shoulders and leaning against her. "Like I said before, he's missing out…" He was rubbing her shoulder the same way she'd done earlier for him, "He sucked, and I'm sorry he was a dick. But you ended up with Neptune, right? Silver lining and all that, even if hurt to get there."

KARMA glanced back down at the floor, only looking up to watch Xander checking in on the triplets, a small smile tugging at her lips. She wondered if she would ever have reached the point of cutting off her mom and stepdad if they hadn't kicked her out first, or if she would have spent the rest of her life trying to get them to love her, to no avail. Either way, she was grateful that life had turned out differently for her. "Yeah, I'm happy where I am now," she replied, leaning into him and letting out a soft sigh. "For the most part, at least. It's not a bad life, y'know? I have all of you now."

XANDER hummed in thought, "I mean, ideally we'd have met outside of this place. But…I'm happy with my decisions." He hoped Minnie would be too, giving Karma a small squeeze. "I'm glad I have you and the rest now too," he said. Leaning over to kiss the side of her head, while he wouldn't have wished them into town for obvious reasons, he was still grateful she and Neptune had rolled in. "Pretty sure Knightley left some food, can heat it up and watch a movie? Something funny," he said giving her a small smile, he'd hate for her to go into work in a funk. "Thanks for listening, I appreciate it, and if you ever need me to do the same I can. I'm your friend, when you're being fun or when you need to be sad, I'm still your friend."

KARMA still felt a little sad, the emotion lodged somewhere in her chest in a way that reminded her it was always there, even when she pretended it wasn't—but she felt her lips tug up into a small smile when Xander leaned over to kiss the side of her head. "Food and funny movie sounds good," she replied, slowly releasing her knees and letting her legs drop down again, her smile fully taking over her face as she turned to look at him properly. "Hey, anytime. I'm always happy to listen, or to just exist together, if talking is too hard." She paused. "I'm really glad we're friends, Xander."

[paleparearchive]

Thoughts Written in A Letter

Bazille's initial 4★ story (3/3) ( 1 - 2 - 3 )

Location: museum exterior (morning) ; museum hallway (morning) | Characters: Bazille, Aoi/MC

Aoi: (I was surprised when I collapsed, but I'm glad I recovered within a day. It hardly affected my work at all. This is also thanks to Bazille-kun. Next time I'll thank him with something…)

… Huh? A letter came.

(It's addressed to Bazille-kun…? I believe he said he was going back to his room after breakfast. I'll go deliver it.)

—

Aoi: Bazille-kun, can I talk to you for a second?

Bazille: What's wrong?

Aoi: You received a letter. Here, take it.

Bazille: Ah… It's from my father and mother.

Aoi: Your parents? Come to think of it, you often receive letters addressed to you.

Bazille: I've been trying to give them updates on what's going on. I sent one out the other day and they responded to that.

Aoi: Is that so? You and your parents are very close.

Bazille: … I mean, it's nothing out of the ordinary. Anyone can write a letter.

Aoi: (Really? I think Bazille-kun is the only one who exchanges letters like this… But I'm sure he'd be embarrassed if I said that.)

Bazille: …

Bazille: Wha… Those two are doing this kind of thing again…

Aoi: (Bazille-kun's face is getting redder and redder…)

Bazille: …

Aoi: (He's all red up to his ears, and he looks kind of embarrassed.)

Hey, may I ask you what it says?

Bazille: That's, uh…

… They wrote words of support.

Aoi: Support for your art?

Bazille: Yeah… You know I was going to pursue a career in medicine, right?

Aoi: Yes, you told me before. Your parents are doctors, that's why you wanted to become a doctor.

Bazille: Right. My parents had high expectations for me and I had a yearning to help people. I never doubted that I would become a doctor in the future... Until I failed to get into university. I neglected my studies because I was so absorbed in art. If I had studied properly, I might have been accepted… I've always had a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I should have pursued medicine.

Aoi: So that's the thing…

(Bazille-kun looks like he truly enjoys painting. I had no idea he had such a problem.)

Bazille: I fled from the medical profession. That's what I thought, so... I wrote my parents a letter apologizing and telling them how weak I felt. And yet, my parents… They accepted my feelings and supported me as an artist.

They had such high hopes that I would have become a doctor. Artists are notorious for being criticized. Even so... Both my dad and mom still support me.

Aoi: They're wonderful parents. I can feel that they're thinking of you from the bottom of their heart.

Bazille: Right…

My parents support me in this way, in this place… Because I'm writing to them to tell them that I'm having fun and about the friendly competitions with my friends and colleagues at the Palette Museum. The reason I can write this letter is because you welcomed us as artists and created a place for us to belong…

… Maybe you're right, maybe it was better for me to become an artist.

Aoi: I see. Even if only a little, I'm glad I could help everyone… and you, Bazille-kun.

Bazille: Not just a little. I'm the man I am today because of you. Someday I want to give it back to you. The warm feelings you gave me…

Aoi: You seem very honest today, don't you, Bazille-kun?

Bazille: … Don't make fun of me. Even when someone is trying to be serious about it…

Aoi: Fufu, sorry, sorry.

Bazille: Jeez, this is why you…

… Well, anyways. Thank you for your continued support, Aoi.