#I'm so fucking tired of never being good enough for people for FUCK SAKE I'M TRYING AND I'M BURNING MYSELF OUT DOING SO

[amischiefofmuses]

.

[berryz-writes]

Perfectly serious

Summary: Matheo's jealousy and want for you increases after seeing you with Theo to the point where he finally/kind of confesses

Matheo Riddle x reader

His arm wrapped around my waist, bringing me even closer to him. "Come on, let's get you to bed" Theo murmured. I looked up at him confused "I'm not drunk". My head might feel light and I might feel extremely happy and sad at the same time but I was most definitely not drunk.

"Yes you are" He took my hand and led me away from the groups of people dancing together, taking his time to weave us in and around the drinks being passed around. Everyone gave me a smile as I left, Pansy giving me a wink as we passed "I bet he fucks good. Have fun babe!" She said, her words slurring slightly, her voice loud enough for Theo to hear. Maybe if he heard it he would act on it. I wouldn't mind getting in bed with him.

We soon reached my room, the music faded to a low sound coming from below us and the lights softer than the harsh party lights of before.

"Well...night y/n" Theo said.

"You know" I started, my voice low and sultry. "I wouldn't mind if you joined me, made things more interesting. Hm?" I tilted my head waiting for his answer, his eyes searching my face. For what I didn't know.

He gave me a soft smile "Your drunk. And when drunk, your ideas aren't really your own. So as much as I'd like to follow through with your idea, it's best you get some sleep"

I rolled my eyes at him being who he always was. I wished for once he would push the boundaries. "Fine. Night Theo"

"Sweet dreams" He dropped my hand and waited for me to close the door. I could hear his receding footsteps, probably to go up to his own dorm. I was relieved in a way. Maybe I wasn't actually ready to fuck him and it was just the alcohol making me want something more. We were good friends. I didn't want to ruin that for something that I didn't really want. Chocolate brown eyes crossed my mind. Curly hair that would feel so nice running my hands through-. Something that would never happen.

*Potions the next day*

"I didn't see you yesterday" I said to Matheo referring to the party yesterday. Stirring in the crushed up leaves into the steaming potion, I turned to look at him, his eyes were icy and cold as if I had done some personal wrong against him.

"Of course you didn't. You were too busy trying to estimate your chances with Theo. Heads up, princess. He has higher standards"

I ignored the nickname that would usually make me swoon and instead my mouth opened in shock. How fucking rude of him. Was he ok?

"Are you being serious right now?" I stopped stirring the potion and crossed my arms. I could take a joke but come on. He had taken it too far.

"Perfectly serious. Why? Did you think I was nice?" He stood up to tower over me, his minty scent washing over me. His chocolate brown eyes were like daggers into my soul. It hurt knowing someone I was good friends with could switch up so fast.

"No actually, I didn't. Your just like everyone says you are. You get with a girl for your own pleasure, lead her on and then leave her with a broken heart. Your a rude fucking asshole and nothing more"

His jaw clenched at what I said, waiting for me to say anything else. I didn't actually mean it but I would never let anyone disrespect me and not expect anything back.

I realised soon how close we were. If only he were to move slightly closer, I could have tipped my head upwards and kissed him. The fact that I was thinking about that even though he had insulted me was annoying for me. I shouldn't still like him. Not anymore.

"You really mean that?" His voice came out soft, his jaw no longer clenched. As if he understood what I had said. I hesitated. Of course I didn't. How could I? I liked him for fucks sake.

I sighed "I don't know"

He sat back down as if he were tired of our argument. As if he didn't want to argue with me.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said-"

"Let's just forget about it. Ok?" I didn't want to argue either. Maybe he was angry and took it out on me. Fine. I would give him a pass just this once seen as though we were such good friends. (If only we were more than that)

He nodded his head and we worked in silence for the next few minutes. Until he cleared his throat and looked toward me again "Listen y/n. I don't want us to ruin our...friendship for something I've said so let me treat you. Will you be free to come to the diner at eight?"

I paused and raised an eyebrow, smiling slightly "Are you asking me on a date or just as friends?" Confident of me to ask but I wanted to know where we stood.

After a pause he replied with "I'd be happy with either, as long as it's with you"

I thought about my next question "And if I want it to be a date?" I asked quietly.

He smiled "I was hoping you'd say that, princess"

[magicalqueennightmare]

The Originals

(Eventual) Elijah Mikaelson x Reader

Rebekah takes you to meet her brothers

This was insane, you were actively avoiding going to the place you could call your own. You were back to crashing in hotels and the nearest couch or your nova. Why, one may ask? You weren't trying to avoid Rebekah, technically.

You'd answer her calls and even her texts. If you were being honest the two of you had actually developed a pretty good friendship since you met. She wasn't the problem. The problem was your vampiric friend wanted you to meet her family. Rebekah was one thing, while you knew she was dangerous she'd never made a move against you and had never even asked to be invited into your home. 

Her brothers on the other hand? She'd told you stories about them. Klaus was a hybrid, vampire and werewolf. He had also daggered her numerous times for going against his wishes. What if he decided to simply kill you then dagger her until she got over it? Against any other vamp you'd bet on yourself but an original? And a hybrid at that? Yeah you were scared. As for Elijah she'd said he was calmer than Klaus on most things but that his beast was just better hidden beneath tailored suits and a charming smile. Kol was a wild card, Rebekah had said even she had a hard time reading his temperament at any given moment. 

So your plan was to stay away from New Orleans for a few weeks. Who knows, maybe you were just a new shiny toy and she'd get tired of you? Unfortunately you hadn't planned on Garth calling you to take care of a ghoul problem in Chalmette which was about twenty minutes outside of New Orleans. 

Which meant you were now heading on the road to Chalmette in hopes to take care of the problem before Rebekah realized you were nearby again. 

You walked slowly into the door of your apartment. You were sore as hell and your torso was bruised but all in all you'd fared well going against a pack of ghouls solo. You'd never heard Garth curse before you called to tell him that it had indeed been a pack, not a couple of ghouls. He'd apologized profusely but you'd told him it wasn't a big deal, you'd made it through just fine. Kyle was now black listed from hunting for failure to give accurate information but that was well deserved.

Being hurt meant you had no choice but to go home. No hotel would be comfortable enough. You dropped your bags next to the door and locked it. A hot shower was due then you wanted to crash for a few hours.

—-----------------

You had just laid across your bed when your phone rang. You snatched it off the nightstand and glanced at the screen, Rebekah. “Hello?” You laid back amongst the pillows as her voice hit your ears “Are you back in town yet?” You nodded and then said “Yeah, just got back but I'm crashing for the next however many hours I can manage” “What was it?” She asked “Pack of ghouls” “Savage little creatures aren't they? I'll leave you to rest but I'm coming by tomorrow. We're going shopping then you're coming by my place with me” 

“Rebekah..” you tried but she cut you off “They'll be on their best behavior, I promise. Bring weapons if you need to feel safer” you let out a breath then said “Ok. Just make it later tomorrow so I can sleep in?” “Of course” with that she hung up so you plugged your phone in and was asleep almost time your head hit the pillow.

You walked behind Rebekah feeling the nerves roll through your stomach as you looked around at the house. It was in the center of the french quarter and nothing short of elegant. It had a fucking courtyard for Christ's sake. Now you were feeling twice as out of place as you did before. Not only were you a human and a hunter walking into the home of the Original vampires but you were poor too. Hunting wasn't exactly lucrative, you got by on a card that was attached to a bank account in Sweden that a friend had set up by removing money from some very bad people. 

She looked back at you and smiled “Come on now, don't lurk in the doorways. Klaus enjoys doing that enough for all of us” you plastered a small smile onto your face all the time wondering what the hell were you doing.

—--------------

She led the way into the sitting room. You swallowed down the nerves in your stomach to see only one man inside. At least it was just one of her brothers? 

He glanced up when the two of you walked in but did a double take when he noticed you “Sister, what have you dragged home?” You spun towards him at that comment “Excuse me?” 

You saw the hint of a smile pulling at his lips “Oh I like this one” Rebekah laughed lightly “Easy Kol. She may hurt you human or not” he eyed you for a moment then nodded and offered his hand  “Nice to meet you”  you shook his hand “I'd like to say the same but we'll see won't we?” a laugh escaped him at that “I see why you like her. Klaus and Elijah should be back anytime. Let's see how they like your little hunter” 

—----------------

He left the room after that something about having a date so you turned to look at Rebekah “If your brothers kill me I'm going to find a way to haunt you the rest of your life and considering you're a vampire that's a very long time” she laughed lightly “I promise I'll make sure you have a way to haunt me” “Not very promising there Rebekah”

You heard a man's voice calling her name and felt the tattoo on your shoulder twitch. The two men that walked into the room were nothing short of gorgeous. 

One had lighter colored hair, cut short that was almost curly in places. He was wearing jeans and a henley with blue eyes watching your every movement. You'd be willing to bet money on that one being Klaus. 

That meant the other was one Elijah. He had darker hair, styled perfectly. He was wearing a suit that was obviously made for him and hugged his shoulders deliciously. Brown eyes held your gaze. 

“Rebekah?” You spoke after a moment looking over at her. She smiled then did the introductions between all of you. 

“So this is the hunter you've been spending time with” Klaus acknowledged walking over to where you stood. Your mind was screaming to step back, give room between yourself and this man. The hybrid. You knew though that space wouldn't do any good if he meant you harm and besides if he chose to kill you, the last thing you did would not be to cower. He stared you down for a moment and you felt the urge to drop your gaze, to show some kind of submission but you refused to give in to it. Even if it caused a throbbing just behind your eyes. 

After a moment a smile split his face “Oh she is something indeed isn't she?” He looked amused and that was when it hit you, the urge to submit. He'd been trying to compel you and you hadn't given in. The surprising part was his amusement at that fact. 

He stepped aside and that was when you realized Elijah's eyes were now focused on you. You fought the urge to squirm under his attention. He was absolutely gorgeous, a sculpted jawline and a smile that flickered to his lips with a capability to make the strongest knees go weak. Damn, were you attracted to a vampire? To Rebekah's oldest brother at that? 

He studied you much the same way Kol and Klaus had. “Must be strong magic infused in that tattoo of yours if Niklaus failed to compel you” you shrugged “My line of work I can't exactly leave my neck open as an appetizer. I have an anti possession tattoo as well along with a few others that give me some protection from different odds and ends of the supernatural world” 

He nodded slowly “I must say my sister has the strangest taste in companions” without much thought process you did the thing you always did which was to allow yourself to be as surprised at what came out of your mouth as everyone else around you was “Well I mean with brothers like the lot of you she needs a different flavor of crazy every now and then as a break” 

Klaus and Rebekah exchanged a look out of the corner of your eye as all three vampires went still before laughter broke out of them all “She does fit in well doesn't she?” Elijah asked Rebekah then turned to you “You're welcome in our home and you have my word no harm will fall to you inside these walls” you smiled “Thank you” he nodded then looked at Klaus “Come Niklaus we still have business to attend to” 

Before he left Elijah shook your hand “Pleasure to meet you” you watched him walk out along with Klaus and felt Rebekah at your side before she whispered “Please tell me you're not checking my brother out” You cut your eyes at her “I wasn't” she raised an eyebrow “For a hunter you're a terrible liar at times” you shook your head then motioned around “Well show me around the place!” 

Governor's Ball

[mins-fins]

feel like a fool

&&. na jaemin hates strawberries, but maybe he'll deal with them for the sake of a cute guy.

pairing: na jaemin x m!reader

genre: fluffffffff

warnings: na jaemin vs strawberries

word count: 0.8k

notes: hiiiii.. i didnt mean to not update in a while its just the summer depression is HITTING and now im sort of kind of becoming a workaholic.. also im finalizing moving out… and getting ready for classes starting in a few weeks, life is in shambles, illuminati is confirmed 😭😭 anyway, this was for an idea for an smau, but i'm never making another one of those until im in a good mental headspace for it!! so take… jaemin 😇

na jaemin's eye couldn't have twitched enough in these past few minutes.

someone is baking.

and usually that wouldn't be a problem, jaemin doesn't care about what his neighbors do. he usually doesn't mind if people bake, or party, or blast loud music in the wee hours of the night.

but he's pissed right now.

because wafting through the walls is the smell of artificial strawberry flavoring. strawberries. good fucking lord. the smell wouldn't be that irritating if jaemin wasn't already pissed enough because of donghyuck's natural sense of.. well, being annoying.

he tried to keep himself calm, spend time playing with the babies and cleaning things which don't need cleaning before plopping onto his bed to stare at the ceiling for hours on end.

oh fuck this cheap apartment for having thin walls, because not only does jaemin have to lay here and take the flavoring of strawberries assaulting his ears, no! he also has to listen to the inhabitants of the other apartment get it on. lord they seem to do that a lot, are they never tired?

maybe the strawberries are the least of his problems tonight, but they still are a problem.

"who even bakes with strawberries at.." he feels around his bedside table for his phone, listening to the silent meows of his babies as he tries to figure out the time. "three in the morning?"

a frown tugs at his lips, it's so early and he can't sleep. lucy is the only one of the babies that is asleep, luna and luke are attempting to wrestle each other.

he chuckles at the display before almost startling when his doorbell rings, falling backward. oh he really needs to work on that.

jaemin rises from his place on his bed to shuffle over to his door, still irritated by the smell of artificial strawberries. he's ready to give the person who rang his doorbell a piece of his mind, mustering up a scolding for the inevitable culprit, the smell of strawberries simply getting stronger as he nears his door.

he swings open the door with a rough vigor he definitely plans to use when giving the person a piece of his mind; "do you usually ring people's doorbells at three am—"

but then he pauses when he sees whose at his door.

it's his neighbor. jaemin doesn't know your name, but that doesn't really matter in the current situation. jaemin can't help but think you're adorable, there's an insanely cute guy at his doorstep, he's pretty much won the lottery.

except then he grimaces.

the smell of strawberries fill the air, you're holding a container with strawberry shortcake in it. "oh, hi.. you".

you clear your throat, glancing down at the cake you baked. "hi i um— i baked all of this but i made too much so now i'm going around to see if anyone wants it but the last guy opened the door with a gun soooooo i didn't want take my chances with him.."

jaemin blinks, then laughs at the amusing display. you stare for a moment, still waiting for an answer to your question. "the guy in 164 pulled a gun out on you?"

"i'm pretty sure he was asleep".

you frown, and jaemin laughs again, not at your misery, but simply the delivery. who knew you could look so sad while presenting such humor?

"do you want some strawberry shortcake?" you mutter, extending the container forward, and jaemin steps backward, grimacing.

he glances at you, and you patiently wait for his response, smile stuck to your face. there's no reason for you to look so cute while doing literally nothing!

but jaemin guesses that sometimes things just happen in that way.

"if you don't want any it's okay i can just go ask the old couple down the hall—"

"it's okay".

"oh really?"

"yeah yeah it's fine" jaemin takes the container from you, noise again scrunching at the smell of strawberries in the air. "you always bake early in the morning?"

"i never sleep, but it always tires me out enough so it became a little routine of mine.."

jaemin lets a small 'ah' escape his lips. "well thank you for the strawberry shortcake.. uh.."

"y/n".

so that's your name. "y/n, thank you".

"no problem, please don't tell me if it's awful though because i'll cry".

you laugh at your own choice of words, which amuses jaemin again, because he has to stifle his own laughter. "i'll only leave good reviews, swear".

"you better" you raise an eyebrow as a way to appear threatening. "sorry for interrupting your night, also your cat is super cute".

jaemin looks to where your pointing, catching sight of luna hiding behind his legs. "oh.. thank you, good night".

you coo at the sight of the cat, but not for long, you also bid your own good night and go back to your unit.

now jaemin doesn't exactly know why he decided to agree to taking the cake in the first place. he went an hour long mental tirade on why he couldn't stand the irritating smell of strawberries in the apartment.

well.. maybe they're not so much of an issue now. the baker is cute, he can let the strawberries stick around.

[glowingbadger]

YES A FELLOW GALE LOVER! i can't resist those big brown eyes.

F, K, W for Mr. Gale bg3?

I love our beautiful dork of a mage!!! Also I got another request for Gale but the only difference in letters was that they requested D as well, so I'll just put all of those in this post.

Also, writing for BG3 characters is so weird because there's like... actual, canon information about their sex lives? Like, I'm so used to taking what's in canon and extrapolating what sex with a character might be like in a purely hypothetical sense, but with BG3 it's like... I have actually fucked Gale. I was there, it was awesome.

Alphabet prompts - Gale (BG3)

D (dirty secret), F (favorite position), K (kink), W (wild card)

NSFW 18+

Dirty secret: Over the years, Gale has maintained something of a preoccupation with envisioning all of the erotic potential in magic, to the point that he has a mental (maybe physical too) list of spells he wants to experiment with sexually. From the more obvious, like utilizing illusions to create more stimulating visuals, or Mage Hand to add to how he's able to touch you, to the somewhat creative, like the myriad uses of Alter Self, all the way to more eclectic options, like utilizing Web or Shape Stone for bondage purposes, or... with a HUGE amount of focus applied to doing so safely without harming you... some experimentation with Evard's Black Tentacles. With time and trust, he may even be willing to delve into mind affects like Dominate Person, if you request it. Needless to say, he's imagined it all.

Favorite position: Leaving aside whatever position one would consider "melding consciousnesses in the weave," to be- even while being intimate in a more traditionally "physical" way, Gale prefers to feel as much of your body against his as possible. He wants to be positively tangled in you, immersed in your touch, your scent, every amount of you he can feel and cherish. This means he's happy with missionary, with spooning you, with fucking you deep and steady from behind while pressing his body against yours on the bed- anything so long as he can hold you close and feel as intimately connected to you as possible.

Kink: I suppose we've already discussed extensively what might be considered a "magic kink" of sorts- but other than this, it absolutely has to be a praise kink. Telling Gale in no uncertain terms exactly how good he makes you feel and how dearly you adore him will have his cock throbbing hard and his pulse pounding, desperate to truly earn such praise and show you how eager he is to live up to it. That said, he will absolutely give as much as he receives; Gale can't tell you enough how breathtaking you are and how he'd give anything to hear you cry out his name each and every night. His silver tongue will never get tired- no matter how it's put to use.

Wild card: Listen. Maybe this isn't much of a headcanon, since his "flirting by asking you if you've ever read books where the heat of battle makes people horny" moment in act 2 basically implies this as canon- but Gale is a regular smut connoisseur. He's the type to get extremely invested and rather snobbish about it as well- my guy has got some hot takes. He's picky about the tone, quality and realism (for the sake of immersion, of course, he's not so boorish as to insist on realism at the detriment of artistry), but when it lands, he'll read with rapt attention, finding himself incredibly attached to the characters, their dynamic, the romance of it all. It only makes him long for you more desperately; yours is a love that would shame any prose or poetry, after all.

[azurlily]

Dont ask where this came from, but I was tired and came across a tumblr post abt means lesbians. My first thought was, mean lesbian gf smut???." So now you get: Mean Lesbian NSFW!

She's a bit of a yandere, but that's okay we love her anyways.

TW: The three G's. Gaslight, Gatekeep, Girlboss!

Mean Lesbian

NSFW

[ML stands for Mean Lesbian, I dont have a name for this character yet.]

The whole Mean lesbian stereotype never fit in my eyes, I mean becoming nice for the sake of your girlfriend? Yeah no, how about making your girlfriend worse than you, for the sake of yourself? That's right up my alley, but when you like a girl that's as sweet as apple pie...it takes time to get her to your pace.

"All I'm saying is that she deserved it, I don't care if people think I'm doing it because I like her. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. She was flirting with you."

Very recently a bunch of nude pictures of some random girl had gotten out around school. The culprit being none other than ML, she'd been out snd proud about it. Knowing damn well no one could, nor would do shit. Her daddy has money, her moms a lawyer, how are you meant to fight someone like that?

You aren't, and that's the point. No on is meant to be able to fight someone with power like that. So no one does, and ML likes it that way. No matter how much her sweetheart disagrees.

Quiet whimpers and soft sighs bang around the room, while ML was having her little monologue her girlfriend was in a sticky situation.

On her knees, head laying against ML's thighs, a thick ball gag in her mouth, and pink silk adorning her skin. Soft cries attempt to leave the girls mouth, although it's all in vain. ML runs her hand through the girls hair, and dark smirk on her face.

"Oh pretty girl, my baby girl. You look beautiful you know, you look like a piece of art. Ready to be torn in two, just for me..."

Fake innocence runs thickly in her voice, she wants you to think she pitys you. She wants your dumb brain to think she cares,(which she does) think she loves your weak, useless body.

ML's hand grab at your body, slowly pulling you up on the bed. She's picked up heavier girls than you, she used to be a cheerleader and then she didn't even enjoy picking them up. She gently sets you up, just on her lap. Soft hands running up and down your back, up and down your ass.

Her face is bright red, while ML has had plenty of girls in her bed before, you're her favorite. Which is exactly why she made you her public girlfriend a while ago. Well, you don't know you're her girlfriend, but everyone else does. That's good enough for her!

You feel two long fingers press against your entrance, her long slender fingers scoop up some of your slick. She puts the two fingers in her mouth and sucks on them. She continues this activity by rubbing you with her fingers, giving you just the tiniest sparks of pleasure. Then taking it all away as she tastes you.

You whine louder and louder, you like foreplay but this was too much. You'd pass out before even getting to actually cum as this rate! You whine and attempt to move around, quickly remembering how she has you tied up.

Your arms tied behind your back, your feet tied but not your legs. She wants easy access, one of the rops running down your back onto your ass. And tightly around your chest. ML mentally praises herself for such amazing work.

ML hears your whines and sees your breaking point arising.

"Oh, I know baby, you wanna cum so badly! So let's make a game out of this, I'm going to take that pretty gag off and ask you a few questions. For everyone you get right; I fuck you more. For every wrong answer; I spank you. Seem fair?"

ML didn't wait for you to nod your head, she took the gag off and asked the first question:

"Am I better at fucking you than your exes?"

You feel two long finger slide inside of you, while her other hand is on your ass. She's just waiting for a wrong answer, or maybe she's waiting to reward you...

"Y-yes you're better than them!"

You answered as honestly as possible, and you were greatly rewarded for it. You feel her fingers pump in and out of you, you whine loudly as moves them through you at a painstaking slow pace. She slows even more as she asks the second question:

"Good answer. Second question is easy: would you ever cheat on me...or have you?"

Cheat? You two aren't even dating, right? Right? You ponder for a second too long and a sharp hand slams down on your ass. Your cry out, but it doesn't matter and she does it once more. After the second time she stops, you don't dare move or speak for that matter. Her fingers stop and you almost cry at the loss, you dont though because you know what would happen.

"You took too long to answer, I'm talking it as a yes. And because of that I'll be asking something different for my third question. Were you actually flirting with that girl, hm? Or did I just take it the wrong way and...accidentally ruin her reputation?"

There wasn't any anger in her voice, quote the opposite, she was happy and you knew damn why. You've seen how obsessed she gets over someone, you're the example after all. The worst part is that you hated that girl, that's exactly why you were in fact flirting with her. You knew exactly what she would do, and you loved it.

"I- I was flirting with her, why are you jealous? Green isn't a good color on you-"

She gently flicks you on the back of your head, you don't need to look up to know the look on her face. Angry with a hint if pride.

"Hm, wrong answer."

[gabessquishytum]

Hob is a break up artist

For a livable wage, Hob will stage a scene to help a person get out of a relationship. The more elaborate the scene the higher the price; Hob will even be a dick at family events. It's a business -- Hob has a price list.

He prefers to work with the person who hired him to stage the scene, but (for an even higher price) he will seduce someone so that the person who hires him has (grounds for divorce; upper hand; shaming rights -- this isn't a nice person's job 🙄).

Hob is hired by Alexander (because he wants to be with Paul)/Nada because Dream won't leave her be/the horrible man "in love" with Calliope because he doesn't like the relationship she has with her ex-husband to seduce and ruin Dream ~ 👋🏼

Hob is not really a nice man at this point in his life. The money is too good to pass up.

Ooo, yes!!! This is great!!

It also made me think of Hob in Edwardian/early 1900s times being the guy who you can hire to pretend that you're committing adultery and get "caught" with, so that you can get a divorce. I can imagine him having a whole package deal where he rents the hotel room for you, organises dinner, even arranges for the witness to walk in on the "adultery".

But back to the modern day. Hob isn't fussy about what his clients want from him. From honey trap situations to acting like a crazy ex in front of the gross blind date you really didn't want to be on, he'll do it all. And surprisingly, he's run into Dream several times now. Apparently Dream has a really bad taste in partners because Hob has been hired by multiple people to sabotage Dream’s relationships. He's starting to feel slightly bad for the guy.

After the latest breakup (Thessaly - she apparently just lost feelings for Dream but couldn't be bothered to break up with him herself, so she hired Hob to literally just do it for her) Dream look so sad, Hob is just like. Fucking hell. I'm taking you for a drink.

And Dream naturally gets completely hammered. When Hob escorts him home and puts him to bed he gets this look in his eyes. Hob’s never seen it before and its enough to make him pause.

"I'm going to date you!" Dream hiccups. "Because you can't hire yourself to break up with me. You'll have to stay."

Drunk logic, sure. Hob assumes that Dream will forget in the morning and they'll (hopefully, for Dream’s sake) never see each other again.

But the next morning, there's an email on his business account. It's Dream, asking for a date. He says he'll even pay Hob for his time. And while Hob doesn't consider himself to be an escort, it's far from the worst thing that he's done. Money is money, right? A few dates, and Dream will probably get tired of the scheme.

...or not.

[avelera]

I'm genuinely curious why a Lucifer!Crowley fan theory drove you up the wall? I mostly want him to be a nobody just bc I'm tired of "oOoOh the nobody is actually Somebody!!" twists, but I saw a meta yesterday that had me at least considering Crowley might be Lucifer 🤔😆

That particular theory drove me up the wall because it proliferated despite both Word of God evidence AND in-story evidence that was flat out against it. I’m all for fun headcanons but I’m just enough of a pedant that it sets my teeth on edge when a headcanon is contradicted by both the text AND the author.

- Neil flat out said that Lucifer and Satan are not separate people in the Good Omens universe. So the theory was already dead before he killed it again with this new ask.

- Crowley refers to Lucifer as a separate person. He’s not referring to himself or as being one of the “guys”, in context he’s clearly talking about a separate group and it’s needless conspiracy mongering to try to twist those words. The context was incredibly clear and it required willful blindness or perhaps unfamiliarity with English as a native language and its accompany tone to think Crowley was including himself in the group or referring to another person calling HIM Lucifer. He was clearly saying Lucifer is over THERE with the guys and I’m walking by them and then joining their table because I’m bored. Ergo he’s not Lucifer.

- Satan is a character in Good Omens! He was Adam’s father! He appeared on screen! He was voiced by Benedict Cumberbatch! I’d understand the theory if we never saw Satan or Satan’s identity and whereabouts were a mystery but they’re NOT. Crowley is not Satan! We’d know if he was Satan! We saw Satan! It was a whole big thing, the climax of Season 1! I get it if most GO fans care more about Crowley than Adam but it definitely happened in the text and on screen!

- And since Satan and Lucifer are THE SAME PERSON as is the case in the MOST popular perceptions of Satan and Lucifer if you don’t delve into truly obscure angelic and religious apocrypha, that means he’s a separate character from Crowley!

Like I get it, it’s a fun theory and a great premise for a fanfic that’s focused on Crowley but my god, this theory COULD NOT be more contradicted in the text in every which way. The conspiracy mongering to make it work is truly mind boggling. I promise you in no religious comedy intended for a broad audience is ANY author going to make Lucifer and Satan separate characters in a story based on Christian mythology with an assumption that readers will expect it. That is something you clearly lay out in the story if it’s true and people should be theory mongering around it, the fact that Pratchett and Gaiman didn’t is because it’s not true and because 99% of laymen ie, their audience, thinks of Satan and Lucifer as the same entity. It would be BAFFLING for most audiences not steeped in obscure Christian religious apocrypha to make them separate and if you did it would be clearly stated at SOME POINT, ANY POINT, IN THE TEXT.

For fuck’s sake, Crowley isn’t Lucifer! And I’m glad Neil murdered this theory dead!

[kooki914]

Which part of the Undertale/Deltarune fandom do you just hate?

Part of me doesn't want to spread hate in an already divisive community, and a different part of me loves complaining. So, readmore added for the sake of a "warning" aka if you don't want to read my entitled whining just scroll past this.

TL;DR: petty bullshit that's hardly even relevant anymore.

I kinda see the Undertale and Deltarune fandoms as two separate entities at this point. From the original Undertale fandom, what it was all the way back when the game first came out and before Deltarune was a thing, god I hated the moral policing. "You can't do this" or "you have to do that" and the fact that something as small as Drawing A Character In A Dress caused an artist to nearly get chased off of tumblr? Fucking insanity. And the constant character assassinations? What they did to Asgore? What they did to SANS? If I ever get started talking about all my gripes with that old fandom I'd never stop.

For the Deltarune fandom though, at least what it is now, god I hate the hype. I'm not subscribed to the newsletters because I hate the general culture around waiting with baited breath for new breadcrumbs, as that just manifests as Dread for me rather than positivity. Like if I start thinking too hard about Deltarune's potential release dates I start biting people's heads off. (No offense Salt lmao) It sucks because even when I DO get somewhat excited (like I did with the latest newsletter) it's immediately followed by the fandom running everything from the newsletter down into the ground, which... on the one hand is understandable because we're all starved for UT/DR content but on the OTHER hand it really feels like we all need a new hobby, like collectively. I'm happy for you if this brings YOU joy but personally I'm a little tired of seeing the 1000th artist interpretation of yet another scene that's literally best conveyed through text.

Also if I can be EXTRA petty, I dislike a lot of "making my own tenna" or "my own deltaswap" things rattling around in the fandom right now. This is entirely Being A Whiny Little Baby™ syndrome from me because I do the EXACT same shit, I just don't have anything good enough to post don't follow fandom trends when it comes to that sort of thing. You know that meme about two wolves inside a person? One of my wolves is like "cringe is dead and this is a harmless creative activity that gets people together and talking about things they love therefore its Good™" and the other wolf is like snarling and barking like "but it doesn't appeal to MEEEE" Like if I see one more TVhead Tenna I'm actually blacklisting his tag. If I see one more deltaswap that entirely misses the mark on what I like in role-swaps I'm gonna start killing.

So, yeah, I guess I just hate things that feel like they're outside of my control/don't appeal to my extremely hipster contrarian tastes. Aka petty bullshit no one cares about go figure

[punkcornzero]

Please stop making us aces feeling guilty for feeling representated

CW - strong language because I'm pissed Honestly all these people telling that "you can headcanon Aziraphale and Crowley as you wish, dear, sure they can be asexual in your mind :)" but then they think that Aziraphale and Crowley have to fuck because they need to shock some bigots otherwise the representation is flawed are depressing me.

Like, fucking with some bigot heads is more important than telling a complex and nice story? And why would I, an asexual who takes so much confort watching them being in love and identified with them before even realising I was ace, why would I care if some people will only be half shocked because there's no gay sex? Why is my headcanon in my head while you speak like your headcanon is gonna be canon or definetly shoud be? And why do you want to make a point saying that I can't be representated because it would appeal bigots, forgetting that the ace community is always left behind and speaking like this you are telling us that we are not worthy of any representation. Sometimes representation is for the sake of it rather than for making people angry. Sometimes having a good time is enough. (And trust me people are still getting angry at GO even without the gay sex)

Fuck off bigots and everything. No representation should be a thick off of a list. If they fuck or don't needs to have sense in the story. And if they don't, don't be pissed like it was owed to you, because it wasn't. And if they do, good for them. Honestly this is so tiring, this is like a year ago when people told Neil Gaiman that the (second) series was queerbaiting before the series was even out.

It is simple, really: is it canon that they're ace? No. Is it canon that they're allo? No.

So you can headcanon them as you wish without making other people feeling guilty for their own headcanons.

(And tbh even if they had sex with each other I would still see them as aces because I never noticed them showing interest in other people or angels or demons. But still I can't see them having sex with each other either. I can be proven wrong in the next season obviously, as long as the story is legit and well-written and coherent, as it should be.)

Please if you comment or reblog be nice I'm a weak person

[hekateinhell]

sending this well after you've probably gone to bed HOWEVER i am always ready to report for louis/armand/lestat duty so HERE GOES:

Every time they get in a petty fight, someone rearranges the vinyl collection at Trinity Gate. Louis organizes alphabetically by artist, Armand organizes by genre, and Lestat organizes chronologically. The music room is a goddamn war zone.

When Lestat is an Extra Extra Good Boy (or just in need of some tlc in general) Louis and Armand make the best mani-pedi team. Louis takes a foot and Armand takes a hand, then they switch for the opposite side. 

Somehow Armand gets ahold of the tattered old TVL band shirt that Louis used to sleep in. He lounges around the house in it and has both Lestat and Louis drooling in SECONDS (bonus smut points if Louis and Lestat both take turns fucking him in it)

Also this is just Louis/Armand but listen i've been thinking a lot lately of how strong Armand is!!! Like I know the fun thing about his character is that he's got the craziest mental tenacity for someone trapped in a small/young body, but I do think people sleep on how physically strong he is as well. Anyway, all I'm saying is: I want to see him hoist Louis up against a wall and fuck him <3 I want Louis to get overpowered and dicked down by someone half a foot shorter than him LOL it would be good for him!!!!!!

ASHLEYYYYY OH MY GOD I LOVE ALL THESE SO MUCH YOU ALWAYS HIT ME WHERE I LIVE!!! 😭😭😭

i love thinking about what their domestic life would look like LMAO canon or human AU because all three of them complement and contrast each other so fucking well, i'm all over that all day every day!!!! asksfkdsgj rip the music room 💀 i hope to god nobody gets petty enough to fuck with the library and louis's meticulously thought out system of displaying his books that only he knows (lestat gets petty enough, armand knows better -- tbh idk if he actually ever gets mad at louis? as easily as lestat sets him off, louis has the opposite effect. but for argument's sake, i think if louis did piss armand off, armand would react by pretending he's fine but he would immediately start being infantilizing and weird. really, really emphasizing the "sweet, dusty louis" every other sentence like he's marius talking to a wain victorian orphan).

NO BUT THIS IS SO SWEET!!! not to get too serious but for canon fic i think about court era!lestat a lot and like how he comes right out and says to marius "you don't want a prince in me, you want a figurehead, you would be the ruler here" and really just all the times he sounds so Tired & Done™️ in general with everything. lestat getting some TLC from his consort and madame de pompadour on the regular is harm reduction at its finest lbr. i wanna see armand and louis giving him a perfumed bath a la QotD but without the trauma (and like in Air Catcher too now that i've triggered the memory, i love your brain so much DO YOU KNOW HOW OFTEN I REREAD THAT FIC 🥹)

OH MY GOD STOP PLEASE!!! i wanna know like was armand intentional about wearing louis's lestat shirt? in his mind, is this The Next Logical Step in their threesome relationship? was he expecting a reaction or was he just looking to self-soothe and instead of going for one of louis's baggy sweaters that would hit the thigh on armand, he just grabbed the shirt? regardless, i hope they dped him 🫶🏼 (i totally need this to happen both in canon verse and in teen au future verse)

NO ASHLEY YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND LMAO NOBODY KNOWS BECAUSE I HAVE TOO MUCH GOING ON TO ACTUALLY WRITE BUT THE SMUT MACHINE NEVER STOPS AND LATELY I JUST WANT ARMAND TO TOP EVERYONE!!!! i wanna see the short king bend back those long legs and go to town on these catholic boys! 🤧 armand is the ultimate switch and he is, in his own words, NOT A WAIF. he can lift that bag of bones easily!!! ❤️ and i remember we talked about like top/bottom dynamics with lestat and louis--either physically or just energy wise--and how it would probably take a considerable amount of time and effort for louis to heal enough to relinquish that control to lestat again following the RR years and all that went down... i'm thinking like if i wanted squish armand in there and I DO, it would be a good step in that direction for louis to practice being open (get it? i'll see myself out) with armand first (literally expanding on PL canon here just adding the sex LMAO). tl;dr: it would be good for both of them if armand fucked that sad, wet man (as a treat) ALSO ALSO SEE MY FAVE "ARMAND FUCKS LOUIS" FICLET THAT IS WAY TOO FUCKING SHORT

[drowninginblox]

Torched

Part 2

Part of him hoped that the last few days were a dream, that at any moment he'll wake up in that damn chair or even from his corner in the basement of the shit shack. But the bread in his pocket served as a guarantee that's not gonna happen anytime soon. Combined with the lakes of sweat keeping him awake in this living nightmare, Fit can only pace in frustration. “If you want, I can give you some time to ponder this. Although I am an immortal being, the concept of thinking on such large decisions is one I'm not lost on.” Fit sighed. Will you be gone? He didn’t mean to sound as harsh or vulnerable as he did, but it felt wrong for him to be guarded in his own mind. It was probably the emotional exhaustion getting to him. “I won’t be far warrior. Just call for me and I will come.” A moment passes before a shiver runs up Fit’s spine. A body-wide shake follows. And then silence.

So soft. The infamous FitMC has gone so, so soft. A lump in his throat closes his throat. He takes a breath and lets his shoulders roll. The muted pop and click of bones act as a good grounder in this otherwise devastating scene. Remember yourself. What did you do back then? His eyes close. For a moment, the humidity mutes. The cold air subsides. And rather than the stale air he’s been breathing in for a year, the smell of gunpowder and the taste of flesh linger on his tongue while a younger, lost soul, takes a daring step into the unknown.

Explosions, first vibrant in sound as they were in action, slowly mute as the souls of Fit's feet felt the ware of running for hours on end. From what, he didn't know. Anything though. There was always a reason to keep moving in the wastes, whether it be from the monsters that came out in the night or the people that just so happened to spot you out of your periphery. It's always something. Rest was a pipe dream. Always brief when there was some time for it, but it was always greeted with another reason to get off your ass. The howls in the night, the crunch of the ground sounding too close for comfort, the sizzle of TNT, or an offshoot explosion on the horizon. Sometimes you wouldn't know what's outside the cave until the preditor makes itself known. If you're lucky, you could see the obsidian being placed before the end crystal. You barely have enough time to block yourself up or dig away, but a chance is always worth fighting for. That's something he can't live without; chances.

Fit' likes to think he's grown since his time away but there's only so much calculation you can do before something makes itself known. It's ugly. Messy too if shit really hits the fan. Maybe that's why Fit was a janitor. When shit gets messy, someone has to note and take care of the problem. Speaking of- Maybe it was a few minutes? Could’ve been a few hours. Either way, his arm weighed heavier on his shoulder. A scowl was the only thing to meet him as he blinked away the aches. "What would Pac do?"

The words tumbled onto the cavern, making Fit's stomach twist at the cruel reminder. He could've sworn the weight in his chest didn't weigh this heavy. Last time it felt like a baseball. Now it's gotta be a bomb. I never asked for this, He screws his eyes shut. I know I agreed to this. I know I can't back out even if I wanted to, but- He couldn't help but choke out a chuckle. "Am I selfish by patching myself up with the people I care about?" He blinks a few times at the haziness only to feel the wetness of tears. "Fuck, really?" A groan rises from his stomach, intermixed with venom and the heat of untapped rage. An animal clawing at its cage to be released, the keeper, tired of the constant severance relinquished the beast of its cage, gilded with the pretenses of civility for station's sake. For everyone's sake. The noise progresses into a scream. One that even Fit could hear. Guttural and raw and for every sake of the word, it wasn't just the beast that was freed from captivity, it was the whole goddamn zoo.

The emotions can't take him away again. Not further than this. The stampede can kick his damn ass he will remain. Securing himself in a ball, that was all he can do against the impending release. Months of not knowing whether or not his friends and family were truly safe, years of stress built up and hardened only to be broken by people who thought they knew better than him how to live his life, days where the terrors crawled up his back to the point of mind-numbing exhaustion. All that was left of him ran away or dried up after the flood.

This was a long time coming. "For such a prolific warrior amongst your kind, you are very weak." A scratch of a cough was all Fit could do as a rebuttal. Does it look like I give a fuck right now? A warm laugh resembling the cackle of a campfire. For some reason, fit could feel the warmth of it. If the damp and cold of this cave was December in Alaska, then this feeling is the inside of a cabin. Right beside the fireplace. He almost smiles. Are you here to taunt me? "Oh no. I'm just here to make sure you're okay, warrior." Fit forces himself to stand. He wobbles slightly on the way up but he manages to steady himself with a deep breath. I don't think I deserve to be called that. It shouldn't have surprised him that the sun was gone. The night should follow the day after all. What was a surprise though was the lack of a moon to light up the sky. Things were illuminated as if there was one. And yet, there is none. Of course. "Oh?" Nonetheless, he eyes up the wall. "So tell me then, FitMC, the so-called legend of 2B2T, what are you?" Fit sighs. The scarf's coming off. "What I am is tired la-" he coughs out, swishing some saliva around to get the horseness out of his throat. "Emperess. My bad, It's Emperess right?" All the while wrapping the scarf around his only human hand. "This is gonna do a number..."

A hum mimicking shock meets him. "I'm impressed, here I thought respect was foreign to you. It appears the brute can show some." "Hey now," he rubs his hands together. the grime from the cave will have to do. "I may be from hell, but that doesn't mean we don't know the concept of authority." Snuffing it out united us them. He hops in place for a minute. It's been more than a minute since he's done this. "Then you should learn this lesson quickly, I am more than above your station FitMC. I am millennia worth of energy and intellect and wisdom, collected all into a flame that grows and develops as time progresses. You are but a spark compared to me." He smirks. "Degradation isn't my thing you're majesty. Nice try though,"

Fit leaps, holding onto a sturdy ledge before securing his feet. "Know your place, little warrior." Ma'am, yes Ma'am! He mimics with a little salute. This is gonna be a long climb.

[untitledvik]

I'm going to be dead honest for a second, please feel free to ignore this. It's a little heavy and venty. I'll probably delete this, this is just risky posting. I don't know what the hell is happening with me, please for fuck sakes just ignore this.

Genuinely what the fuck is the point of living? Nothing is getting better and it's being proven time and time again that things will only get worse. Sure, one good sprinkle of a good thing will happen and then an avalanche of worse and worse shit happens in this stupid fucking world. Humanity will never fail to disappoint. I genuinely rather commit a party in my tummy with my medication than see how every year things will just keep getting worse. No. I'm not continuing to just going to watch people die, get abused, neglected. Watch the world have natural disaster after natural disaster because big factories wanna keep making shit worse while saying WE have to be the ones changing our lives. Watch poor animals and children suffer through no fault of their own. And I'm going to sound selfish here, but this hurts, this stupid fucking chronic pain and illness hurts. I want to do something graphic that I'm not putting here to my limbs just to get it to stop hurting. I need a new body. Scrap my entire being and make someone who isn't such a pathetic waste of resources. Someone valuable enough to change this damn world even though that's impossible because humanity is stupid and selfish and won't ever change. Because we're flawed. That's both an okay and not an okay thing. God this so fucking stupid. Everything is. Most days I'd rather not be here at all, but dying scares me, but fuck do I just want this shit over with. I'm fucking tired. Tired of seeing people die or get hurt, feeling pain myself, being completely alone and isolated, drawing for just a sliver of acceptance from people that don't even know me or would notice if im gone. My existence means nothing, nothing will get better, so why the hell am I still alive? Jdjenxgixgiidgidgiffxigxxigixgigxxigxigigxixgixgixgixgigxixgixgixgxigixgigxixgixgxigixgixgxigixgigxixgixixyixyxigxigxigigxxigixgixgigx

[xray-vex]

wish more people acknowledged mental illness for what it is:

chronic pain.

instead of regarding it as some character flaw that one is capable of fixing, but just isn't trying hard enough.

the worst is when other people with mental illness reinforce this narrative, too.

if you've got any level of mental illness and struggle with it, nothing you ever do to heal yourself, fix yourself, care for yourself, will ever be good enough. there will always be someone saying, "you aren't trying hard enough, you're making excuses for yourself, it's not that bad, why aren't you over this by now, you're being too negative--"

and on

and on

and on

and on

and on

AND ON

AND ON

AND FUCKING ON.

i don't need that fucking shit. i need patience, i need empathy, i need someone to just sit with me as i am and let me exist and just fucking love me anyway, even if i'm having a meltdown, even if i can't find the will to leave the house for a week. for someone to encourage me to be hopeful but to also take me seriously when i say i might never get better. and i've told many people in my life that this is what i need to get thru the tough spells but many people have not believed me when i've told them what i need, and they think some version of tough love is better. i always get better faster when i'm treated the way i want to be treated but my wishes still get ignored frequently.

because UNFORTUNATELY, there is the fairly common, condescending belief that those forms of support are enabling mental illness and hindering growth. it's the equivalent of ignoring a crying child because if you comfort them, they won't learn to be resilient. and maybe that works for some children & adults, but it doesn't work for some of us. i'm tired of the idea that a person must be totally independent and not need anyone else because it's a fucking LIE AND IT HAS NEVER BEEN TRUE. and i'm just fucking weary, goddamn TIRED in general of the belief that there for every human problem/issue, there is one Correct Answer For Everyone. for fuck's sake. not even everyone can eat the same foods, or take the same medicine. and those are just 2 simple examples. i'm tired of the expectations i'm supposed to live up to, because i haven't ever really fit the various molds that i've been shoved into like i'm some lump of fucking clay. and i'm tired. I AM SO GODDAMN FUCKING TIRED OF EXISTING. i don't think i've ever been fully treated like a human fucking being in my entire life, save for one or two people. at best, i've been treated like a child, bc that's what people do to you when you're disabled & sick. I'M SO GODDAMN FUCKING TIRED

[catboybiologist]

heyo, sorry if this is a bit of an uncomfortable question, but I've been thinking about it for a while. I'm really curious to know the opinion of a biologist with more experience (especially a queer one hehe)

have you ever faced any pressure like, "who even cares about your research on these weird bugs?" (a bit of a generalization on entomology, though it also kind of applies to my general interest in pursuing zoology) or "you do know you won't be making much money, right?", as well as questions like, "why don't you go in medicine? a career as a doctor is more promising, researchers barely get paid anyway"

and if you did, how did you deal with it? i guess my impostor syndrome never fails to catch up to me ahah, but it would be good to know if there's someone like this as well

Sorry I took so long to get to this! There's no way to answer this briefly, I think.

Yes, all the time. It's the curse of anyone in basic science research. Luckily, for me, I don't think that pressure has come from anyone who actually matters. Academic influences, and even my parents are very supportive of my career path (my parents maybe not so much supportive as much as "pressuring", but that's a different story). From more distant family, online, family friends, and random people I meet everywhere? All the fucking time, and its very tiring.

There's two very different issues at hand in your ask, though. The financial aspect, and the level of respect and understanding people have for basic science in the first place.

As for the financial aspect… I'm sorry. The reality is that yeah, you're not gonna make much money. But you have to ask yourself whether that's a priority for you. You'll definetly make enough money to live on, but it won't be a glamorous amount. You genuinely have to love what you do, and that can be a bit rough. But there's nothing wrong with that. There's a lot of pressure to choose the highest paying careers, even when its past the point of increasing your means. Its okay not to care. But yeah, unfortunately, no one's getting rich in field work :/

For the other aspect… that is a huge disconnect between the general public and science, and one that I think manifests in a lot of ways beyond even what you're saying. The value of basic science research is twofold. The reason most people who are passionate about the subject get into research is for its own sake- the world is cool! To me, inquiry and curiosity are one of the most beautiful things about being human, and is worth it for the simple sake of expanding our range of knowledge as a society. It's like asking who cares about some dumb painting while looking at the Mona Lisa. But, to be blunt… some people just don't see that. Which brings us to the other aspect: unseen utility. Basic science research saves the world. And that's not really an exaggeration. The example I've given so many people recently is COVID vaccines. mRNA molecules being able to cause immune reactions was a "who cares" research problem a couple decades ago… and look at us now. Oftentimes its not so one-to-one, though. For ecology, the bulk quantity of ecology research contributes to our understanding that ultimately guides how we care for the world. While its sometimes difficult to see how "those weird bugs" contribute to public policy and understanding, but "those weird bugs" alongside "those weird plants" alongside "those weird fungi" alongside "those weird rats" and whatever else, together, contribute to the net understanding of what areas need to be protected, what ecosystems are at risk, what ecosystems threaten human existence if they collapse, and how best to protect all of those. Research matters.

I'm picking nits, but neither sounds like imposter syndrome to me. In fact, I think it's kinda the opposite. I think you'll fit in just fine with entomologists, or other scientists in zoology, ecology, evolutionary bio, or whereever. A lot of them have gone through exactly the same thing that you are, from their early career interactions with friends and family to their later career interactions with the public and outreach. So in a way, I think that's your solution as well. If you take the first leap into your field, either declaring a major, becoming involved in a particular research lab, volunteering, or whatever else, you're going to start surrounding yourself with people who have undergone the same external pressures that you're facing right now. They'll intrinsically understand the value of the type of research you wanna do, and they'll also understand that not everyone sees it that way.

But getting to that level is hard. It requires persistence. But you'll get there <3

[wyyrmwood]

Settle down for a green text formatted tale my friends, I have a taste of a new classic fantasy book I think you all may enjoy. Its a little long, so I added a show more break for convenience.

I present to you the plot of The Troll's Grindstone. Cannot recommend it enough and there's so much good shit I left out for the sake of not just rewriting the entire book. Its got everything, cool horses, a Kronk parallel character down to the evil right hand status and everything, your dads weird friend that you have beef with, some hot lake monster girls that totally won't eat you ahahahahah come closer baby, elves getting their pompous asses WHOOPED, ghosts, and a main character who is just a guy. No inherent powers, just a decent swordsman who really really didn't want to be here but literally can't leave (because he got teleported to the elf realm)

Imagine:

>You are an evil wizard night elf who wants more power

>tired of smelly light elves crashing your sick parties

>corrput a light elf prince who was well known for greed, arrogance, and kind of just being an all around d-bag

>"hey kid want some magic get in my van"

>commence world domination to get rid of the stinky day fairing elves

>cash in on the troll alliance aw yeah

>going better than expected, elf prince is such a little asshole that he fully doesn't care he's leading his race to extinction, just keeps betraying entire cities for you

>feeling pretty good, but poison him with fantasy heroin that only you can get for him anyway for good measure

>"yeah yeah ill give you coke or whatever just keep betraying your people and leading my little crusades"

>he does

>sick

>world domination complete, pretty easy just massacred some magic pussies and desecrated some sacred locations so I own the magic there and also kind of dunked on the sacred sites and magics ancient far more powerful race of magic elves too because I hate them and the light elves worship them as almost gods.

>kill elf princes little prince brother too for shits and giggles, takes his sword and uses it to curse all other swords in the realm to decay and never sharpen

>back to the stone age with you, fucking nerds

>"ok freaky little guy go away"

>kick out elf prince because ew light elf, he crawls back to his father and is banished for betraying his people, facing punishment for his crimes etc. etc. etc

>like 100 years pass life is ez elf prince is probably dead from super heroin withdrawal by now so no worries about him coming back

>what

>he assasinated* you (you're an evil wizard, you just turn into a giant bear for a while) and also he's back

> yeah he's actually back, he looks great and also is mad asf saying he will kill you

>also hangs out with his dads useless wizard and some coked out old homeless guy

>kind of weird but you basically made this guy and know he's a bit of a coward so its no problem to just manipulate him again, bros probably also absolutely FEINDING for more heroin because fantasy heroin withdraws last forever and also kill you so there's that

>oh yeah and everyone hates his guts for destroying their civilization and holy sites

>haha loser

>prince begins on a quest to undo your destruction of the magical sacred sites and also kick dark elf ass just because

>he's kind of actually doing it

>"ok what the fuck guy if I give you heroin will you stop look here's some heroin"

>its not working he doesn't want the heroin

>proceeds to kick your ass all over the map and purify sacred sites and everyone starts loving him again

>aw hell

>keep trying to manipulate mansplain malewife him but it isn't working like it used to and also he's not dying from the death heroin but you KNOW he loved drugs so whats up with that

>also his pet wizard is kind of getting good from all this ancient site purification

>wizard kicks your ass and destroys your cool monsters

>AW HELL

>finally get his ass and sell him as a thrall after kicking his ass for once

>"see u later smelly"

>says I'm a cunt, correct but ow

>"remember ur dead brothers wife that you are kind of into but respectfully just friends ? i have her captured and shes also a thrall now haha look"

>oh he actually got really mad about that, probably shouldn't have said anything

>guy I'm selling him to is really not into having an extremely agressive servant who would absolutely kill him so I cut his knee, bye bye leg

>holy fuck this owner guy is throwing a bitch fit about now having a lame thrall fine ill buy him back and just have him work in the mines to desecrate another sacred site

>pain in my ass but he's balls deep in a mountain that used to be a giant now mining out its heart

>huh

>what's that

>HE BLEW UP* (catastrophically flooded and collapsed) THE MOUNTAIN WITH HIS BITCH WIZARD AND OLD HOMLESS MAN?

>awwwwww hell

>find his ass outside the mountain with dying coked out old homeless man and wizard again, this is so embarrassing

>????? Wait What why is everyone laughing and not shivering their timbers

>ITS NOT EVEN THE ELF PRINCE

>A HUMAN MAN HAS BEEN WHOOPING YOUR ASS THE ENTIRE TIME PRETENDING TO BE THE ELF PRINCE

>THE COKED OUT DYING OLD HOMELESS MAN WAS THE PRINCE ALL ALONG

>the guy you've been fighting is just some guy that looked like the prince a bit who the actual prince abducted from his human realm and forced into pretending to be him

>you, a powerful wizard and nigh immortal elf, lost your entire kingdom, power, status, and prestige to Mr. Normal Human Man who didn't even want to kick your ass to begin with and got roped into all this magic shit because he went poking around the wrong barrow over in Human Land

>he kills you

Thank you all this has been the plot of The Trolls Grindstone.