#I'm so excited omg... the fact that next week is the finale...

[inmenanswiththejaffacakes]

OMFG WAIT TODAY IS FRIDAY

[yanderambling]

omg i’m thrilled that y’all like him so much!!! and these ideas were soso tasty ugh your minds~ i had a lot of fun with this, maybe too much if you look at the wc lol, so i hope y’all enjoy <3 ALSO continuity note: since Adrian is so popular, i won't carry major events through different stories unless requested, that way everyone can have their own version of his story! but i'll be keeping general facts about Adrian the same unless otherwise specified, like his parents being rich because i find it funny~ thank you and goodnight <3 (and yes i switched this gif with the last part shhhh it’s okay)

pairing: Masochist Puppyboy!Yandere(m) x Bully!Reader(gn)

words: ~ 4.6k

you can read the previous part here!

CW: 18+, NSFW, yandere behavior, stalking, bullying, physical/verbal abuse, BDSM themes, poor BDSM etiquette but neither party minds

Adrian nearly choked when he heard his name read next to yours for the school project.

It took you a second to recognize his; you mostly just call him mutt. Once you realized, you loudly groaned at the prospect of spending the week with that pest.

Adrian couldn’t hear it over his racing heart.

As soon as class lets out, he's right at your side, yammering on about project materials and meeting arrangements and times and "we should really meet at one of our houses so we don't have to worry about distractions, I'm fine with coming to yours! It's closer to school anyway, right? It'll be more private- I just think it makes sense-"

You finally shut him up by making the executive decision that you’ll work at his house (you don’t need him shedding on your furniture, or potentially getting any personal ammunition against you; he is way too interested in being inside your home, and how does he know it’s closer to school?).

Adrian was crestfallen that he wouldn’t get to go in your house (and smell the pure you imbued in your furniture, and pretend he’s really your dog while you sit together- maybe in your bedroom!-, and snoop through your underwear drawer when you go to the bathroom, and snoop through your bathroom when he goes in right after you...), but he was still over the moon at the idea of having you in his space.

(He’ll just visit your window later tonight like usual, anyway- he'll still get high off that closeness alone. Win/win!)

Adrian doesn't think about anything else for the rest of the day, zoning through his classes and plastered to your side whenever he gets the chance, just alight with energy and anticipation and not shutting up about it- he's lucky there's too many witnesses for you to knock him quiet (oh, but he would feel so much luckier if you did).

You would totally bail on this project if you weren’t already failing this class, which is mostly on account of you bailing. You’re wondering if all those cut classes were worth having to work with this, but you’re not feeling hopeful.

The day seems to drag on forever for both of you, for vastly different reasons. By the time school lets out, Adrian is buzzing out of his skin and you're seconds away from ripping it off him.

As you two start the trek to his place, Adrian can't get over how surreal it feels to walk beside you. It's like you two are a couple, and you're walking him home for an after school study date!

He gets lost in the daydream easily, giving you a brief reprieve from his energy, and allowing you to absently notice his rapidly wagging tail almost propelling him down the sidewalk. You can't help but smirk a little at the image that conjures in your mind.

He's truly ridiculous, you can't really believe him sometimes. Doesn't that thing ever get tired? What does he think is gonna happen that's got him so damn excited? That he's gonna get in good with you somehow (hopefully) and you'll leave him alone? (never in his wildest dreams.)

Yeah, fat chance.

When Adrian stops at his house, you think he's joking. But then he walks right up the driveway of this random McMansion, motioning you along eagerly, and enters a security code before holding the door open for you with a clearly anticipatory smile.

...The fuck.

You did not count on Adrian’s family being loaded. He certainly doesn't dress or groom like it.

You consider berating him for not mentioning it, but decide against it for the risk of seeming stupid- to Adrian of all people. You do make a mental note for your future errand requests, though.

Adrian’s parents aren’t home, he tells you his mom is always traveling and his dad basically lives at his office. You’re relieved that you won’t have to put on a nice face for the folks, but there’s apparently still a live-in housekeeper that floats around (are you fucking kidding?) so you stay diligent.

Adrian suggests you two work in his room; you figure the further from watchful eyes, the better.

Despite it being his idea, Adrian can't help his giddy nervousness as you enter his room (he’d texted the housekeeper to make sure it was clean as soon as you decided to come over, lucky he keeps his souvenirs hidden away whenever he’s not admiring them).

The room is frankly ridiculous, easily twice the size of yours, a king bed in the corner, a desk and coffee table and two dressers, and yet adorned with piles of clothes and clutter and more genres of nerdy shit than you even knew existed.

"Yeah, okay, parts of this make sense."

Adrian cocks his head, opening his mouth to ask what you mean, when he suddenly chokes on air.

You've made a bee-line right to his desk, covered in books and papers for hobbies and school alike, but also holding a locked drawer at the very bottom in which he keeps his "school collection" (just discarded pencils with bitten erasers, torn up notebook paper he can still smell your hands on, old gym shorts you were probably gonna replace soon anyway, a bandaid here, a plastic fork there; nothing crazy).

He watches with bated breath as you sift through the contents of his desk, occasionally scoffing or chuckling at what you find. He lets out a sigh when you seem to grow bored, just for you to move on to his dresser and have his stomach doing somersaults all over again.

Maybe he should've asked the housekeeper to hide his stuff better and just braved the questions later...

You move throughout the room like you own it (you do, as far as the both of you are concerned), making little jabs at his various posters and figurines which make his whole body flush hot with pleasure because you're noticing things about him, but every other move you make sends his heart jumping into his throat in a completely different way.

It only takes a minute or two for the stress to get to him.

“Ah- hey! Uh, maybe we should- maybe we should start on the project, right?”

You bark a laugh and spin on your heel to face him, an incredulous half-grin pulling your lips and revealing a gut-twisting flash of teeth.

"We?"

Oh, yeah, he much prefers those intense eyes boring into him.

He starts spluttering placations immediately. "No! Well, uhm, I didn't mean- you, you don't- have to- obviously, I mean, I don't- I wouldn't-"

You roll your eyes and shove past him, effectively cutting him off as you flop down onto his abominably soft mattress. "Right, yeah, whatever. Let's get one thing straight here, okay?"

Adrian nods, his whole being drawn to focus at your entrancingly commanding tone. Although, it's incredibly hard to focus on anything with the sight of you on his bed right in front of him; he's already planning how to avoid that area so it'll retain your scent longer, he wonders if he could cut that part of the duvet out and keep it in an airtight container, maybe the sheets under it too just to be safe...

"This is not a "we" situation, got it? I'm not lifting a damn finger for this bullshit, that's what you're there for." Adrian has a purpose to you! "I am only here to make sure you're actually doing it, which shouldn't be a problem because if we get anything less than an A, it's gonna be your ass."

As tempting as it is to see what punishment you would inflict upon him, Adrian really really really wants to please you- and he's pretty good at this subject anyway!

You then cross your arms and lean back just enough to look down your nose at him. "Got it?"

Adrian can't answer fast enough.

"Yes! Yes, that's perfect! Awesome, good- great!"

But then he doesn’t make a move. Ha.

He looks a little lost, standing in the middle of his own room, barely biting down a grin and wringing his hands as he seems to wait for another command.

Apparently, you’ve trained him well.

You scoff and let yourself fall onto your back as you pull out your phone (Adrian's gonna need a bigger airtight container).

"Well, go on then, we don't have all day."

Adrian scrambles to get to work. He quickly positions himself on the floor by the foot of the bed and pulls the coffee table closer, emptying his school bag carelessly onto the carpet.

You huff a laugh at the sight, all this money and the kid's parents couldn't buy him any class. Maybe sloppiness is an inherent trait, like his apparent passion for service- nobody with this much money should be such a pushover. And yet...

Adrian couldn’t be happier, sitting on the floor while you lounge across his bed and periodically weigh in with (mostly incorrect) corrections or snide remarks, an almost alarmingly wide grin settled on his face as his tail taps a steady rhythm against his carpet.

It’s not an unpleasant picture, you muse absently as you look up from your phone, it’s almost comforting to have your little puppy on the floor, cheerily working away for you while you laze about. It certainly beats doing the work yourself, or having to threaten a student with an actual spine to do it for you.

Still, it doesn't take long for you to get bored. Bored enough to notice your empty stomach, at least.

"I'm hungry."

Adrian's head shoots up from the book he was hunched over, ears raised at attention and eyes glittering with something you're not sure you care to identify.

He's on his feet in the next second, knocking his knees on the way up loud enough to startle you yet showing no signs of even noticing.

"I-I'll ask Len to make something!"

He darts out of the room before you can tell him what you want, but you trust he knows your moods and tastes well enough by this point to predict. (Oh, he does, and Len's not going to be making anything- they don't know all the special ingredients!)

The second he leaves, you decide to really cure your boredom by snooping around in earnest. Certainly this creep has something actually weird hidden in here, you just have to look in the right places.

You waste no time in sifting through his bookshelf (nerd shit), closet (nerd clothes, some dirty), a dresser (nerd clothes, mostly clean), under his bed (dirty clothes, nerd shit in boxes)- the door opens behind you.

“Wha-? Oh! Ah- Wh-what- what are you doing?”

You don’t even bother moving from your crouch, most of your upper body shoved under the bedstand while the rest of you... is not.

Adrian’s mouth is completely dry for several reasons.

“What’re you, blind? I’m snooping.”

Adrian slowly comes further into the room, hesitantly setting the serving tray on the low table. He can’t stop his voice from cracking as he stutters out,

“Uh- yeah, okay, yeah, but- um, would you maybe mind- um, not?”

You snicker, at least he has some manners. “Yeah, I do mind, actually. What’s the matter, mutt? Got something to hide?”

“N-no!”

The answer is so immediate, so fervent, that it has you pulling up just to give him an unimpressed look. He stares back at you, eyes wide and frenzied.

“Jesus you’re a bad liar.”

Looking at him now, you can see sweat glistening on his face and his hands clenching by his side. His eyes dart toward the dresser you haven't checked yet.

Bingo.

You jump up from your position and stride across the room with purpose. You only make it a few steps before Adrian seems to materialize in front of you, making you stop short and almost yelp from shock.

“S-sorry! I’m sorry, I just-" he's waving his hands wildly, head ducked as his gaze rapidly flicks between your face and the floor, "You-you can’t- please, please don’t-”

“Okay, creep, I get the gist.”

You shove past him, and he wishes he could relish the firm pressure of your hands on him.

He whirls around and watches in horror as you approach the dresser. He needs to do something, he needs to stop you, but what can he do? You’ve clearly made up your mind, it’s not like it's his place to try and change it...

All he can do is watch, a high ringing in his ears and his body filling with static, while you meticulously sift through every drawer until his clothes are strewn about the floor and you're panting with frustration.

He's about to let himself take a breath when you suddenly squat down and stick your arm into the shallow space underneath. He nearly swallows his tongue when you let out a disbelieving huff and awkwardly slide out a long lockbox.

You look up at him triumphantly, eyes sparkling with glee, and he almost mirrors your smile just for how captivating it is.

"Open it."

"N-no-"

You lean up toward him and cock your head, he has to stop himself from being drawn in by the magnetism of your narrowed eyes. “The fuck did you just say to me?"

"I'm sorry! I didn't- just, I can't-"

"Oh, I think you can. Or you're not gonna like what happens next."

That's where you're wrong, and it only really strengthens Adrian's extremely shaky resolve. He tries to keep the grin off his face as he habitually starts to picture the punishment you might give him; a cuff on the ears, a knee to the stomach, a punch in the face-

But you just roll your eyes and groan, no longer in the mood now that something more interesting has presented itself.

Instead, your gaze floats down to the flimsy looking combination lock on the box, then it fixes on some heavy-standed figurine you'd knocked off his bookshelf earlier.

Yeah, good enough.

Adrian barely has time to flinch before you're snatching it up and breaking the lock with a sound crack.

Then you're lifting the lid.

"No!"

He starts to lunge forward, but your sharply raised hand halts him dead in his tracks.

Fuck.

It's too late anyway, judging by your wide eyes and slightly slack jaw (god how he wishes he could focus on the glorious curve of your open lips, or the way your perfect teeth peek over them, or how it might feel to have those teeth sunk into his skin-)

"What. The. Fuck."

"I-I can explain- It's not-!"

"I literally do not believe that you can."

Adrian's throat goes dry, he feels tears welling in his eyes. "I'm sorry- I'm sorry! I never meant- it's not like-"

You tune Adrian out as you focus on the stacks and stacks of photos arranged in the box before you. There even seem to be books underneath those, thick ones despite the shallowness of the container. You’d say there’s easily hundreds of pictures in here.

But, more concerning than the amount of photos… is their content.

They’re all you.

Undeniable, from every angle and range and setting you could imagine, it’s all you. There’s you at your spot with your friends, sitting in class, in the cafeteria, running errands in town, sneaking off to that private spot nobody else is supposed to know about, asleep in your bed- in dozens and dozens of iterations, like you could probably make a flip book of every scene.

It’s offensively redundant, honestly, a gross waste of paper. Maybe equally as concerning.

(Adrian needs to keep physical copies, and hard drives, and backup hard drives, and another box further under the dresser... What if something happens to his phone? What if he lost all his treasured photos forever? He doesn’t know what he’d do.)

"You're a bigger creep than I gave you credit for." You murmur, mostly to yourself.

Adrian never thought he'd feel anything but sheer joy from hearing that word leave your mouth. "N-no! It's not- it's not like that! I'm not- I don't-"

While Adrian's still blustering and working himself into a tizzy, you're just... processing.

It's oddly unsurprising, once you consider all the other factors together. Looking at it now, of course Adrian had more perverted reasons for complying to your cruelty, what else could he have been getting out of it? You guess you kinda always knew, on some level, but you never thought it would be like this.

But, since it is, you can't help but wonder just how far this perversion has gone, how far it will go...

This night has been boring enough that you're entitled to a little fun, right?

And besides, looking at him now- all wide eyed and droopy eared, his tail pulled between his legs and clutched in his trembling hands- Adrian actually looks a little bit... cute? In a pathetic, dirty stray caught in the rain type of way, of course.

The only real difference is that you'd be much kinder to the stray.

"Alright, shut it, stalker."

Adrian's mouth snaps closed, his tail trying to tuck further at your dangerously low voice.

"Obviously, this severe-" you flap a stack of photos at him, causing him to duck his head and whimper, "-invasion of my privacy can't go unpunished."

Adrian's eyes become impossibly bigger as they flash up to watch you stand. His ears suddenly perk, his tail tugs against his grip as it tries to hesitantly wag.

Jesus, he's shameless.

This is gonna be fun.

But first, a plan. You don't want Adrian getting too bold, so what better way to keep him in his place than by tying him there? Looking around his room, you don't have much to work with, but you're resourceful; a lace from his sneakers should do just fine (who keeps shoes in their room? what a creep).

"Alright. Sit."

Adrian is falling to his knees before his brain can process the words. When it does, he isn't quick enough to bite down on the high keen that builds in his throat.

You scoff, mentally scorning yourself for ignoring his shit for so long, then go to pull a lace. Adrian watches in rapt attention as you test its strength, your hands flexing so tantalizingly as you pull the string harshly several times over.

He holds his breath on instinct when your scrutinizing glare scans the room again.

"Okay, bed. Back to the headboard. Now."

Adrian scrambles up immediately, pulling some of the sheets off in his hurry, eager to obey before you change your mind.

You follow right after, kneeling up and leaning over him to tie his hands to the headboard above him. His dry throat click as he gulps.

You're so close, your heavenly scent filling his lungs like a sweet paralyzing vapor, he can feel the heat radiating from your skin despite the clothes between you, he could probably taste you if he just stuck out his tongue...

He whines as you yank the shoelace tight with a grunt before tying it off. You tug on his hands once more, forcing the string deeper into his skin, and your hum of satisfaction is drowned out by Adrian's low groan.

What a wonderful feeling, the sharp sting of the lace grounding him down like he needs to be; he can't help twisting and pulling until the burn intensifies, imagining it's your firm hands holding him so tightly...

"Jesus, freak, you're already getting into it?"

Adrian just whimpers, barely registering the question past your condescending tone as he continues to squirm.

You suddenly grab the front of his shirt and pull him forward until he's partially hovering off the mattress, the combined pressure of your knuckles under his chin and the shoestring grating his tender wrists pulls a breathy moan along with.

You lean in close, practically growling as you say, "Don't do my job for me, mutt."

You press a relatively fresh bruise on his arm just to see him twitch and bite his lip (it’s actually from a week ago, that’s how good he is at maintaining your marks for you!). It is pretty gratifying.

Almost as gratifying as the bulge you spot between his wantonly spread legs.

A breathless laugh punches out of you. It's oddly jarring to see, and you would later deny that it's slightly impressive, but it's not an entirely unpleasant sight.

"God, you're fucking pathetic. But you know that, don't you, you little creep?"

If your words weren't enough to have Adrian shaking out of his skin, you lean closer and nip his ear; he jerks back instinctively at the pain, which only makes its sting so much sweeter when you sink your teeth in and pull back.

He doesn’t bother trying to keep himself quiet.

“This isn’t even a punishment for you, is it? Is it, you fucking perv?”

Adrian is so far beyond saving face, he’s mostly beyond communication of any kind, so he just shakes his head fervently and grunts and hopes it’s good enough.

“Use your words, mutt.”

He gasps as you yank his throbbing ear, pulling his face closer to yours- oh dear god he can feel your hot breath against his cheeks, every detail of your perfect face so confident and dangerous and ethereal, your sparkling eyes look positively deadly and Adrian is ready to submit himself to their perils-

“Answer me," your sharp words make his lashes flutter, but he keeps his eyes wide open to stare at your taunting smile hanging just inches from his face, "are you getting off on this?”

He nods, he’s starting to get dizzy with all this nodding but he doesn't feel capable of much else, then you tug his hair back with the most glorious burn-

“Ah-Yes! Yes, I love- I love it, please- give me- more- please, I need- I need-“

He cuts off with a choked sound as your fingers slide up his throat and tighten, all too happy to oblige.

"That what you want? You happy now?" You taunt, your breath against the shell of his ear raising goosebumps all over his body.

He tries to nod against your grip, causing you to smirk and push further.

Oh god yes please-

Garbled moans fight their way from his throat as his eyes roll back in ecstasy, his straddled legs pressing tightly together as he thrashes desperately against the headboard, his whole body trembling and pushing up and up in search of contact- but you keep pulling away, putting more pressure on his neck to support yourself, bringing out the most pitiful little whimpers.

"Use your words, puppy."

Puppy.

Adrian chokes for reasons entirely unrelated to your hand on his neck. His tail, which had been beating a rapid tempo since you sat him down, starts flailing into overdrive.

It takes considerably more effort, but Adrian needs to please you- maybe you’ll even reward him!- so he coughs and gasps until he can force out,

"Y-Yes,” a strained cough, “Tha-agh-thank- you-"

A smile curls your lips unbidden. Such initiative! You let your fingers stroke over his throat as your hand presses in harder.

"There, that's a good boy."

Adrian's vision whites out.

He’s not even aware of the stream of whines and moans that force their way from beneath your fingers, he doesn't notice how his body squirms against the pressure of you on top of him, he couldn't tell the frantic thumping of his tail from that of his heart- all he can focus on is the red hot ecstasy filling every inch of him to bursting, the transcendent bliss of being so thoroughly claimed, so completely controlled, so wholly owned by you.

He's still hiccupping moans and thumping his tail when you withdraw your hand for fear of suffocating him, these needy little noises escaping his already bruising throat.

His head lolls back and his mouth falls open as you remain suspended above him, taking in your handiwork.

He’s so vulnerable, his entire body open and happily exposed to you, every muscle trembling in the aftershocks. His chest heaves as sweat and tears drip down onto his shirt, but he seems to pay no mind as his vacant eyes flutter up at you. He struggles to keep them open as a dopey grin spreads across his bitten lips, and you have to bite your own to stop from returning it.

Then, your eyes travel down to the steadily shrinking tent of his pants, now adorned with a dark wet stain- just like you expected.

Hot.

"Pathetic."

You sit back on you heels, seemingly alerting Adrian to your absence as his hand flies up to grab his throat with a high whine- but you cut that shit off right away.

"Yeah, no, I'm not trying to catch a murder charge tonight, thanks. Besides," your eyes pointedly flick down between his spread legs, causing his face to heat up though he makes no move to close them, "it looks like you got more than your share- frankly, you should be grateful for anything I'm willing to give you."

Adrian's voice is hoarse when he tries to insist, "I am! I-" he cuts off with a heavy cough, which only has you wincing with guilt a little. "I'm- I'm grateful. I am!"

You don't doubt it, especially looking into those watery, red-rimmed puppydog eyes of his. However, you do like to be cruel, and you did just get a bunch of texts from some of your friends about this 'super crazy thing you don't wanna miss and you gotta get down here right now!', (and you're maybe feeling a little uncharacteristically giddy as you fully process your situation) so...

"Doesn't matter, I can't reward this insolence."

You untie the shoelace with a deft tug and slide off the bed without another word.

Adrian just barely stops himself from whining again, the sudden loss of the pressure around his wrists leaving him feeling untethered. He has to dig his nails into his hands as he watches you collect your things (the covered platter lay forgotten on the table, insult to injury), just to keep from reaching out for you.

He wants desperately to follow you, but he can't make his body move for how relaxed and heavy it feels, and he knows it would probably just upset you more anyway- and not in the good way.

“Oh, and Adrian?” You slap the doorframe as you hang off of it, and your use of his name has Adrian's groggy head springing up to face you instantly, ears high and eyes hopeful.

“Next time you want a picture of me, just ask. That way I can knock some sense into you right away.” You tap the frame again, a crooked grin fixing your lips before you push off.

“See ya tomorrow!”

Still too fuzzy to move, and in fresh shock from that almost-genuine smile, he can only listen forlornly as your steps grow fainter and fainter until the door shuts downstairs. Then, he's helpless to do anything beyond replay the events of the past ten minutes in obsessive detail in attempts to permanently document every single sensation you gave to him.

He only manages to move about a half hour later, when his phone buzzes with a text.

He slowly leans over the bed and lifts his phone from the floor, blinking blearily as he reads... your name. Attached to a ludicrously extravagant lunch order for tomorrow.

The phone drops from his fingers like lead.

How?

His heart starts racing as he wracks his brain to recall when you put his number in your phone- then, his tail starts up again as he wonders if he'll be punished for already having yours in his (not for anything weird! he just likes to type out walls of text complimenting every part of you and telling you exactly the ways he wants you to destroy him and then deleting them- but maybe he'll send the next one).

It must mean something good if you want to keep in close contact with him, right? That must mean you aren't really mad at him, right? That must mean you like him, right? You still think he’s a good boy, right?

Another text lights up his phone. He scrambles to grab it back, hands shaking as he holds the screen close to his face.

[ur gnna b my bitch 4evr now]

A shaky giggle escapes him.

Those are easily the most beautiful words he’s ever read.

thanks so much for reading! feel free to send a request <3

check my pinned post~

[soaps-mohawk]

I'm going to be honest

I'm having a genuinely hard time making this post. I've been fighting with it for a couple weeks now, but I think it's time I finally make it.

I'm not having fun on this blog anymore.

It sounds bad, but honestly, it kind of is.

I think a lot of it started from the very beginning with the precedence and expectations I put on myself. I've always tried to respond to every comment I get. Even from the beginning. It's just a polite thing to do since those who leave comments took the time to write out what they think of my fic, even if it's just a keysmash. I've always felt the need to thank those who leave comments or reblog my writing or (now that tumblr has it) replied to my fics. It worked fine before because none of my fics were particularly popular. Even my most popular fic (at that time) didn't get as much attention as CRCB has. I've never had a "big blog" before, nor a fic as popular as CRCB has gotten.

It was fine at first, responding to everyone, engaging with everyone. I was riding that high of omg so many people are reading and enjoying my fic! I've never had anything quite like this before.

Now...it just feels more like a chore. I set this precedence on this blog that I respond to everyone and I know a lot of people have said that they're surprised I responded to them and to everyone, and now I'm getting why a lot of writers don't. I'm exhausted. I feel like I've just been robotically saying the same thing over and over trying to respond to people now. I used to love seeing asks in my inbox and reblogs and replies but now? All I feel is dread because I have to respond to all of those.

Turning anon off was a big help. It lessened the sheer volume of asks I was getting a day. And while I do feel bad for all of my anons who prefer to stay anons, with everything that happened (the multiple incidents) with anon that kind of started to suck the joy out of everything. That paired with the obsessive need to constantly have my inbox cleared and make sure everyone gets a response...I can understand now too why big blogs will have 200+ asks in their inbox. It's hard and it's exhausting and I'm burning out.

First it was the fic that was burning me out. Things have gone on far longer than I planned and I just wasn't prepared for this fic to go on and for a while there it was dragging. I'll admit that. If I could go back, I'd speed up a few things, but it's done, it's posted there's no going back. I kind of hoped I would have the mental capacity to upload more than once a week too, but I just couldn't. I still can't.

I've come to dread posting chapters because I know I'm going to have to reply and respond to everyone. The only thing keeping me posting is the fact that we're in the part of the story I've been excited about since the beginning and also because I keep leaving everyone on cliffhangers and I love torturing y'all with all of them.

So that being said, this is in no way to shame anyone for interacting with me, anyone leaving comments or replies or sending asks. Don't feel bad about doing it please. I appreciate all of you that have engaged with me and it really means so much to me. Honestly, earlier this year, if I didn't have this fic and everyone on this blog, I might not have made it to now. It's been a really rough year and it's still going to be into next year. It's just getting to the point where I need a break.

I've needed a break for a long time. I thought taking days off the blog would help, and it did for a couple of weeks, but now even on the days I'm supposed to be on the blog and engaging, I just find myself queueing stuff up and just being offline most of the day still.

I'm tired. That's the best reason I can give. I'm tired and burned out on life and I'm tired and burned out on this blog.

So...I think I need a break. I need to not keep responding to every single reply and reblog every chapter. I need to not force myself to answer every ask right away, no matter how much I want to. I feel bad, but I know everyone would rather have me here and enjoying the blog than forcing myself to interact to the point where I'm dreading it and just robotically repeating myself over and over with every reply and answer and comment.

I won't be pausing the fic, I won't be not uploading. I'll still be posting chapters, I just might not be interacting as much as I have been. It's just putting such a mental strain on me still, even with anon off, even with days off. And with things getting busier for me, it's going to be too much to try and deal with irl stuff and write and try to be super active on the blog. There's going to come a point where I have to sacrifice the writing or the blog and I'd rather sacrifice the blog to keep myself sane, and also to keep trying to finally get this fic done. I love this fic, don't get me wrong, but I'm just burning out.

I'm already burned out in a lot of ways.

I was planning kinktober this year but honestly I'm considering not doing it because I know interaction is going to be insane and it's going to be a lot to keep up on. Plus trying to write that many fics is hard and I'm not sure I have the ability to do it. I have a few done but now I'm just like...is that something I want to do on top of irl stuff and CRCB.

There's just no joy in it anymore. It's not anyone's fault but mine. I put the pressure on myself, I held myself to that standard for this long despite the fact I knew it was draining me. I've tried to push through when I should have prioritized myself. I feel so guilty not responding to everyone. I feel so guilty being a day or two late responding to everyone.

I want to be here and interacting and responding to things but I just can't bring myself to anymore. It's no one's fault, and this is not a drag on anyone, or an attempt to make anyone feel bad or guilty for interacting or sending asks or anything. I'm just airing out the truth and saying what I need to say because I feel like I've been so robotic and lifeless with my responses these last couple weeks and I feel like I need to explain why. It's nothing anyone has done. It's my fault. It's 100% my fault.

Things have just gotten to be too much and it's my fault for forcing myself to be so active. The social battery has dropped into the negatives. I'm not a social person. I can only handle so much interaction and I've pushed so far beyond that, that things have gotten to this point. I want to be here and I want to have fun and I want to use this as an escape but I just don't feel that way about it anymore. It's a chore for me, a job, something I feel like I have to do and it's my fault that I feel that way. It's my own standards and expectations I set on myself, and my expectations on what I think my followers want and deserve and now I feel like I've gone on too long like this that I can't change things without hurting anyone's feelings. I don't want people to think I'm ignoring them in favor of others because I know there's writers out there that do that. They only respond to a certain group and ignore others that comment and reblog. I don't want to make anyone feel like I'm doing that to them and that's now led me to here.

I'm forcing it and I'm tired.

It's been hard these last few weeks. The life has just been draining and draining continuously. The joy and the love I have for this blog and my followers and the interactions and the fic. The last anon bullshit that happened was just kind of the last nail in the coffin so to speak. The straw that broke the camel's back. Things stopped being fun. It made me feel bad (and not in the guilty way, though that was a part of it) and I'm honestly just over it. I'm over the blog, I'm over interacting, I'm over life at this point. August is a hard month for me and every year it seems to get worse and worse. A lot of it is unrelated to anything online and I was going to make a post about it but honestly I just don't want to. Those that know, know. Those that don't...it doesn't matter.

I'm getting annoyed by the blog, I'm getting annoyed every time I look in my notifications and see an ask or a reply or a comment. I'm getting annoyed by some of my followers and that's not fair to you. Everyone always talks about how nice and kind and patient I am when I'm really not. I'm not the person I present myself to be on this blog, the way I mask myself so I can present myself as being a normal, kind human being. The mask is coming off because I'm so tired I can't keep it up anymore. It's happening here and it's happening in real life. I'm tired and I'm frustrated and I'm angry at a lot of things and the last thing I want is to start taking it out on my followers. You don't deserve that, especially when it's not your fault, it's nothing any of you have done. It's all me.

It's not you, it's me.

So for the sake of not burning this whole thing to the ground, I'm going to take a break. I'm not replying to everyone, I'm not responding to every reblog, I won't reply to every ask I get right away, if at all because sometimes I just don't have anything to say in response and I need to learn that's okay. It's nothing against you. It's not aimed at anyone specifically, I'm just trying to put myself first and stop things from escalating. I need a break and I'm going to do something selfish and I'm going to take it.

Don't apologize because it's not your fault. Don't apologize because you think you might have contributed to this because you didn't. It is no one's fault but my own.

I'm the one that needs to apologize to all of you because I've just not been myself because I've been forcing myself to be someone I'm not. I've been very unfair to a lot of people over the last seven months that this blog has been active and I've held a precedent that is not sustainable in the long run and made everyone believe that I was capable of maintaining that kind of interaction when I'm not.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry I've been putting everyone through this. I'm sorry I've been so detached and robotic and ingenuine. I'm sorry I led everyone to believe I'm someone I'm not. I'm sorry I've dragged this on this long that it's gotten to the point that I have to make this post.

I considered just disappearing but that wouldn't be fair to you either. I don't want to put you through that, so I'm pouring all of my thoughts out and making you read through this fucking novel of a post. If you've made it this far, then congrats I guess. Gold metals to you who bothered reading this far.

Anyway, all of that aside, I'll still be posting chapters. I'll have them scheduled and I'll probably come on and add links places to keep things current. I'll respond and reply and answer asks when I feel like it. You don't have to stop sending them, but just don't expect them to be responded to right away anymore. I'll probably still be here reblogging things I want and doing things when I feel like it.

I just need a few weeks to myself. Time I don't have to care about the blog at all and keeping up with it. Anon will remain off for the sake of keeping asshole trolls away, and also so I don't open tumblr and have 200 asks in my inbox after a week. Sorry to my anons but it's just the way it needs to be right now. Maybe once this break is over and I've dealt with irl stuff, I'll consider putting it back on. I just can't after everything I dealt with recently on anon.

It'll be the same on Ao3, for those that follow here and read there. Comments will probably sit for a while. They won't be answered right away anymore unless I get the energy to burn through them. Even then I won't try to answer them all at once like I did this last weekend.

I'll try to reblog something every day so y'all know I'm alright. I don't want y'all to panic and it's not fair to put you through that, especially those that might not see this or bother reading it. Those that follow simply for the fic and nothing else. I'm here, I'm just not...here.

This week's chapter is in the queue to be posted tomorrow as usual. Chapters will still come out as planned since I'm not stopping writing, just taking a break from the blog itself.

Thank you those of you who stuck through to the end here. I appreciate all of you so much. You have no idea. I'm sorry I let things get to this point and I'm sorry to anyone that I've gotten rude or snappy with because I couldn't be selfish and put myself first. I'm sorry to anyone that got a robotic, repeated response to something they were probably excited to share. I'm sorry I've been so unfair to everyone and I hope you can forgive me.

Take care and I'll talk to everyone when I have the energy to.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - Whole Lotta Nothing

Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top. (Which frankly, was only really Your Sky this week.)

Jan 2025 Week 3

Ongoing Series - Thai

Your Sky (Sun iQIYI) ep 9 of 12 - Them just flirting and being boyfriends at Fah’s fancypants condo is the world’s greatest music video ever. These two gave us a lovely sensual sex scene, for which I forgive the magically reappearing pants.

ThamePo (Fri YT) ep 6 of 12 - Ooo plot thickens. Pepper has a faen. The conversation about walking speed is one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard in a BL. BL boys all walk incredibly slowly, slower than dirt really. Why draw attention to this fact? We better get more Po character dev soon!

The Boy Next World (Sun IQIYI) ep 2 of 10 - Language play already and we’re just on episode two? Your spoiling me Mame. You shouldn’t have. Phu may not be boyfriend babygirl yet, but he already knows how to manipulate like one. I’m enjoying this. Despite myself.

The Heart Killers (Weds Gaga) ep 8 of 12 - This ep just swapped between being boring and bizarre.

Fourever You (Thurs YT) ep 16 end - All the backstory in this one and it was fine.

Perfect 10 Liners (Sun YT) ep 12 of 24 - I like the actor pair, but I really don’t like the secondary couple as characters, in this installment. The relationship is just too unhealthy for me.

GMMTV always does shocked face good tho.

Sangmin Dinneaw (Sun iQIYI) ep 3 of 10 - Has gotten unexpectedly extremely racy. And also sort of a travel ad? I’m confused. Why the random hotel bellhop fetish thing? What’s going on? Also is this a cancer story. No thank you. 

Ossan‘s Love Thailand (Mon YouTube) ep 2 of 12 - Look I just think that EarthMix are better at serious drama. I think they’re not suited to this piece - even if I liked the original IP.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Eternal Butler (Taiwan Fri Gaga) eps 6 of 12 - So sappy. Not a whole lot happened in this installment. I do like the sides, I wish we got a little bit more of them. It’s fine I guess.

Impression of Youth (Taiwan Weds Viki) eps 1-2 of 9 - Lots of familiar faces, country+city match up. Basically about a bunch of artists of different ilks who meet in a countryside hotel. It's okay. 

Teenager Judge (Vietnam Sat YT) ep 15 of 16 - Am I warped that I liked the traumatized after kidnapping bit? Finally consequences in a BL. Also the acting was good. But then we go right BACK TO SQUARE ONE. Omg pleaseendnow! 

When it Rains it Pours (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 2 of 10 - No eng subs for me.

It's airing but......

Winter Is Not The Death of Summer (Thai) - It's done. Did anyway watch it? Thoughts?

In Case You Missed it

End of year wraps are here!

2024 Trend Report

MY BEST & WORST BLs of 2024

Best Kisses (and sex scenes) of 2024

BL's 2024 Quirky Awards

2024 Awards - Quick Picks

Next Week Looks Like This:

2025 Line Up

BL Announced for 2025 - PART 1

BL Announced for 2025 - PART 2

20 BLs Announced for 2025 That I'm Really Excited About

GMMTV 2025 Line Up - My Totally Biased and Wildly Flawed Feels

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENT

The one bright point in a dull week.

Just give them their own series now. (Perfect 10)

(last week)

The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs

[britswriting]

The Announcement | Quadruple The Love H.S

Follow Y/N + Harry's journey from being a family of two, to a family of six! Also know as, Harry + Y/N have quadruplets! This series will contain blurbs, social media posts, interviews and everything family + fame!

full masterlist qtl masterlist Read on Wattpad

harrystyles and ynstyles

•∘ ∘•

♡ liked by: annetwist, niallhoran, liampayne, and 3,765,874 others harrystyles: Been busy on break

annetwist: I can't wait!!

gemmastyles: I've already bought onesies 🙈💞

liampayne: Welcome to the club, mate!

ynstyles: You owe me £5 for not spilling the beans!

harryfan1: OMG WHAT

harryfan2: She said.. I'm having your baby! ↳ harryfan3: And it's ALL OF HIS BUSINESS OMG

harryfan4: Guys... we're getting dadrry. I repeat, we're getting dadrry!

ynstyles

•∘∘∘∘

•∘∘∘

∘∘•∘∘ ∘∘∘•∘ ∘∘∘∘•

ynstyles: First trimester diaries! 🍼 First things first, finding out your pregnant, at least.. when you're trying, is the best feeling ever!!!! Harry and I took so many photos and videos (far too personal to share, (See slide four to see me on the verge of screaming and crying over the fact that I'm pregnant lol) you see me cry enough as it is lol) and we sat on the bathroom floor in pure happiness and disbelief. (and a lot of concern on my end..) I couldn't stop looking at my stomach and bubbling nonsense to Harry as we began our true first steps into parenthood. (I'll eventually talk about our journey, but if you're new, it hasn't been an easy one💝) As we watched my stomach grow, we couldn't stop touching it! The idea of feeling a kick, or a flutter... or even just the thought of a baby inside of me; pure happiness. (Pst, Harry sleeps with his hand on my belly and it's my new favorite thing ever!!!! It's so cute!!!) For those wondering, Morning sickness is brutal. I'm already losing sleep, vomiting my guts even in the middle of the night and much to my dismay, awakening Harry every time I scurry to the bathroom. (If Harry looks extra tired on camera, I apologize! - he'll tell me off for this, shh!) Tiredness is unreal. I mean, I figured growing a human would be hard, but I'm convinced I'm asleep more than I am awake. I wake up, vomit, eat some crackers take my meds, sleep repeat. Ultrasounds are the craziest experience ever!! Harry and I lost our minds and Harry's soft smile when we saw the screen is burned in my brain forever. He's honestly already such a good husband but I know he's going to be an even better father! I honestly can't wait!! @harrystyles I love you so much! Thank you for making me a mumma <3

annetwist: Congrats! I'm excited to finally talk about it!

yourbff: I can't believe you didn't tell me for 3 weeks smh ↳ ynstyles: It was unbearable for me too!

comments on this post have been limited

~

"Love, staring at it won't make the line appear quicker" Harry tried to ease, his hand on my back as my eyes laser locked on the pregnancy test.

"The line has to show at some point!"

Harry snatched the test off the counter, my mouth a gape, ready to throw protest when he grabbed my hand and led me to sit down on the cold tile with him.

"Harry! Give me the test!" I whined, my tear ducts filling as the past couple months of worry begun to spill over.

"Y/N, babe, just sit down with me. We're dong this together, alright?"

I reluctantly sat next to him, Harry setting the test on his thigh, his right hand clasping my left as we stared down at it.

"What if it's just one line?" I asked softly, my biggest fear being vocalized once again.

"Then we'll try again" He repeated instantly, a singular tear rolling down my cheek.

"Harry, it's our sixth round in three years" I cried, my eyes squeezing shut as the emotion left glistening trails down my cheeks.

"Y/N, we don't have to do it again" He told me calmly his thumb rubbing against my knuckles, something he did frequently to quietly soothe me.

"You already know how I feel about adoption" I whimpered, guilt encasing my chest as I slowly opened my eyes, my blurred vision attempting to peak at the test.

"I know" He replied, not offering much else as he starred at the test.

"I'm a horrible person" I begin to cry again, taking my hand out of his as I covered my face.

"You're not a horrible person, y/n"

"What woman doesn't want to adopt, Harry?! We could! We could have already had a family! What kind of person is afraid too adopt?!"

"A person whose thought about every avenue. Y/N, it's perfectly normal to want what you want. Can you open your eyes please when I talk to you?" He asked, His green eyes were full of hope, my throat tightening as I glanced away. "Y/N" Harry warned, getting me to look back at him. "I know you're afraid of everything that comes with adoption, and if it's a huge fear of yours, whether it's that you won't love them the same, or they won't love you, or all of the separation issues you've read about.. it's just a different journey that we'd take together. We'd figure it out. You're not the first person to be nervous to adopt if that's a path we need to consider. However we start our family, is how we start our family. I know having a biological baby means a lot to you, but if that's not where life takes us, I think we both need to prepare ourselves to come to terms with that" He told me honestly, my lips pursed as I nodded.

It was true.

As horrific as it made me feel, I was afraid that if I adopted, I wouldn't love that child the same way I would my own. Maybe it was silly.. but my dream was to always have a baby of my own, and now that it's became an entire ordeal including medical professionals and obsessive calendar counting, I knew I needed to let my brain dance with the idea again... but could I really do that to a child? Bring them into this loving home.. and not love them the way they deserved? Would I ever view that baby as my own? Or would it feel more like a godparent babysitting situation?

IVF has been a rough path that Harry and I have walked down. One we didn't take lightly, and one we definitely probably over researched before even attempting such feat.. but with all the cons.. there were the pros.

So we tried, and we tried, an we tried.... and we gave up. Adoption maybe? Foster care? Surrogacy? Egg donors? There was a million routes.. but none of them felt like my dream. I wanted to have sex one night and wake up pregnant the next morning with my husbands child, and I struggle a lot with the fact that that isn't how it's happening.

It would be so easier if I could blame Harry, and his annoying sperm.. but the reality is, Harry is perfectly capiable impregnating someone.

I'm the problem.

Learning that you're supposed sole duty of a period every month wasn't even worth it... definitely landed me in some pretty intense therpary.

There has been more dark days than light for both Harry and I.

I'd be lying if I said divorce had never crossed our minds.

Things got bad, before they got good again and now here I sat next to him, wedding band on my finger as tears streamed down my cheeks, ready to be once again disappointed by my body.

"Can we just see what this test says and go from there, please?" I asked quietly, Harry nodding. "Can you look? My eyes are blurry"

I did my best to clear my vision when I heard the inhale of Harry's sharp breathing.

"What?" I asked, panic making my body tense. "What?!"

"It's two lines! Y/N! You're pregnant!" He practically yelled, my entire body stilling.

"What?"

"YOU'RE PREGNANT!" He yelled, scurrying off the floor, helping me up and yanking me into a hug and a kiss.

"Oh my god" I exhaled, my vison thankfully clearing as I snatched the test, seeing the two pink lines for myself.

"That has to be fake" was my immediate reaction as I held the test up to the light, the pink line darkening right in front of me. "Where is the clearblue one?" I asked Harry, Harry's arms wrapping around me, his palms resting against my stomach as I pulled open one of the drawers, finding my stash of pregnancy tests.

The drawer was probably my most opened drawer in the entire household; which meant it was also my most hated.

All it held was dreams and disappointment.

"Can you grab me a few water bottles, please?" I asked, setting the test aside as I opened one of the more expensive pregnancy test boxes.

"Baby, it's so dark" Harry showed me, crease lines between his brow as his dimples pops from the smile he had.

"I know, I know.. I just.. want to be sure. I need to pee again! Water, please!"

Three water bottles later, I found myself peeing on yet another stick and plopping the capped test onto toilets paper on our counter.

I hated waiting.

"Babe, are you going to look?" Harry asked, a goofy smile still on his face as he leaned against the door frame.

"What if the test was wrong?" I asked again eyeing the drugstore pregnancy test next to Harry.

"Baby, they're supposed to be one of the most accurate tests"

"But false positives are a thing!" I shouted, shaking my hands as I paced the space between the toilet and the bathtub.

"Y/N" Harry sighed, "I know you're worried, and we can make a doctors appointment to verify.. but baby, I think this is it. I think we've done it"

I hesitantly walked up to the counter, my eyes locked on my mess of a reflection in front of me before slowly finding the test.

"Oh my god" I exhaled, the bold "pregnant" staring back at me. "Harry!" I quickly showed the test, a smile starting to form at my lips as my eyes welled up with tears again, "I.. we're... oh my god!" I shrieked, jumping a little as I waved the test next to me.

I quickly pulled out my phone, the video shaky as ran over to Harry, kissing him before showing the test to the camera.

"We're pregnant!" I yelled out, Harry grinning as he leaned down to kiss me again, the video stopping and I turned to the camera, Harry snatching the drugstore test, both of us holding up the tests as we took countless photos before posting in the mirror, taking all sorts of different angles of my belly.

I can't believe we're pregnant.

"I told you you weren't fat" he chuckled as we inspected my bloated stomach.

"I'm fat with your baby!" I laughed, my hand running over the puffy skin. "God, I'm going to get more stretchmarks"

"Good thing you married a man who happens to love them" He pecked my cheek, his hands on my hips.

"We need to make a doctors appointment pronto and make sure these tests are correct" I informed, setting the plastic test on the counter.

"Baby..."

"I know, I know! I just.. I want to be sure, okay?"

"I know. I love you no matter what, but I really think this time.. this time is it"

🍼

Hello! I've had this idea for a while, and I thought it would be fun to make kind of an open ending series? Meaning we can work on this for as long as we want! From finding out, to their birth, and just watching them grow up! If you have any requests, feel free to ask! I don't plan on posting them in order (like birth, growing up etc), but I will have them posted in (hopefully) chronological order in the masterlist!

Feel free to leave requests in the comments or on my ask via my profile!

If you have any baby names, let me know! I have the sex's picked out, but not the names!

I wanted to make this longer, but Tumblr has a 10 photo limit so...

I'm hoping as I get into it, I can write the blurbs better, just with their storyline, it was a bit hard to make it very happy and fluffy lol.

Welcome to my Quadruplet series! (I might post it on wattpad, I'll update the masterlist with a link if it is!!)

pst. my little circles won't stay where I want them to, if you know how to fix that lmk, otherwise we can both be annoyed together!

-Brit <3

[kahvilahuhut]

🔍 cynosure status update

i mean. it's also periphery update too though. teehee. feel free to also check out the drawing here!

🤍 New to the story? Check out the (current) wip intros: Cynosure / Periphery

omg it's been a while, hasn't it? haha. i must admit i might have gotten A Bit too deep into some university assignments (+ my thesis). I do sometimes talk about the story on my main, too, but it's nothing that important for the story itself, mostly just some fun facts about the characters, which means that most of the development I've done is in my brain. Or is nonexistent or something. ANYWAY! Here's a status update to tell what has been happening lately! Might actually make this into something I post every now and then.

In this status update I'm going to talk a little about how it's going with the story, overall thoughts, plot/character changes and some things you can expect during next few weeks (hopefully). I'll put it all under the cut to keep this short on the dashboard 🥰

Like always, if you have any questions about the story, feel free to send an ask - I'll always be happy to answer 🤍

overall thoughts

Right now one of my top thoughts is honestly debating whether i want to, like, actually write this somewhere as a nove, or whether I should do it as a graphic novel or something. That said, if I do go with the latter, you can still expect writing bc I like to write things out to plan them. Or vise versa make some kind of sketches for writing. My brain works in a weird way, I know lol

I have been doing some worldbuilding (specifically for the story AND something for the overall story world that I have). Let me know if you'd love to hear some things I have thought about!

I've also been doing some research about *checks notes* Boston, MA. Because that's where most of the story happens :^) Though it happens in 2200's so I still have lots of room to change things around.

Definitely thinking about adding more dark/horror stuff in the world as a whole bc there's been, like, a climate crisis. AND people do interplanetary traveling. Stuff like that ought to lead to some fucked up stuff. Especially when there's megacorporations involved. Cynosure wise there's going to be something, especially in Periphery, happening to one of the main characters. 👀

plot/character updates

(that have happened lately, at least)

One of the pov characters kind of got a name update! Tobias's first name has been changed to Ripley, and it's what most characters will probably referring to it as. That said, some characters (+ itself) will refer to it as Tobias bc that's its preferred name that's somethings its friends and wife call it

Another pov character (Samuel) got an interesting change of backstory, some tweaks in personality, and its plot-revelant actions have changed a little. Sammy's changes has thus made some already existing things I've posted on here non-canon.

Slowly finally putting together what I mah want to have in Klara's chapters and it's sooooo exciting.

Polished some things about the plots, especially the different parts of the acts <3

Got more thoughts about the project itself (or, well, what it should have). That also means I need to look more into pharma research or something. Very interesting...

Overall, lots to think about and lots to research about.

things to expect in next few weeks

(that is, if I won't drown in university assignments or something)

I've had some ideas for little stories that would be happening before the story, to show more information about the characters and the story itself (like what happened in the original project). Or maybe just some fun parts of characters' backstories. So I may post something if I manage to write it!

Some more character introductions + pov character post. Might make a "tag yourself" meme. Or a powerpoint wip intro

Something else, maybe? If you have an idea, let me know!

taglist (interact with this post if you want to be added or removed!)

@ecofear @fashionablyfyrdraaca @shadowfells @volkihar

@antoncrane @kk7-rbs @void-botanist @the-inkwell-variable @artbyeloquent

[duchessonfire]

Heyyyy Duchess! 🥰 Omg, I literally cannot with how much I’m obsessed with every single Cegan fic you’ve ever written. It’s like, no matter what AU they’re in, they always find each other and fall in love (in that slightly twisted, totally them way). And honestly? We’re all here for the toxic-but-make-it-hot vibes, lol. 😂

Anyway, no pressure or anything, but I gotta ask... Is Savior!Carl making a comeback soon? 👀 Like, for real, I’ve spent way too much time imagining what could possibly happen next. After that whole condom-gate mess (iconic, btw), our ship hit that sweet spot we were all dying for: Negan lowkey obsessed with controlling Carl and making him his everything, while Carl just wants to feel needed, owned, and finally free from all that fear of being discarded. Ugh, chef’s kiss. 👌✨

But like... That balance is hanging on by a thread, and even though I remember you saying in the comments that things would stabilize by the end of Part 3, my brain is straight-up incapable of imagining how they’d get there without your genius storytelling. I desperately need your words to make it all click. 🙏

That said, if you’re cooking up something new or just need more time to vibe and create, no worries at all—I’ll wait as long as it takes. You’re amazing, Duchess, and your writing has honestly made my life so much brighter. Love ya!! 💕 Keep being the literal queen of Cegan fic. 😘

Hiiiii!

Omg thank you so much for your sweet message, you're too kind 😭❤️

I can't even begin to tell you how much space Cegan takes up in my head, it's actually ridiculous. I spend what feels like every minute of every day *obsessed* with them. A lot of it, let's be honest, has to do with how smoking hot Jeffrey Dean Morgan is, but also I'm still riding the high of the few interactions Carl and Negan had in the series. (If I think too much about the fact we could have had so much more, I'll start throwing up ☠️). They are just THE PERFECT toxic but sweet relationship.

Thank you so much for telling me your thoughts on the Savior!AU, it really means a lot to me ❤️🥺 I will get back into it soon, but it's going to take a while because I want to do a full re-read of it starting with Part 1 + re-watch TWD from the line-up episode all the way to S8 before I start writing again. That way I can really immerse myself back into this universe and into Bad Wolf Negan (which is my affectionate title for Negan before the cell). I've spent the past 3 or 4 months working on my Dead City fic where Negan was very kind and soft and a gentleman so I need a good refresher on how dark and awful Negan can be before I get back into the Savior!AU 😅

First, though, I'm going to post the first chapter of a new fic I have been planning for *a while*, because the Cegan Bingo event ends on December 4th (the day before my birthday 🥰) and I just need to post one more square to hit a bingo!! I'm VERY excited about this new fic. It's going to be super long (as usual...), and it will be set in the real world, no zombie apocalypse. It's also going to be FILTHY 🔥🔥🔥🌶️🌶️🌶️ Like, literally the dirtiest, kinkiest fic I've ever written in my life, and I'm super excited for that. I'll do my very best to post the first chapter within the next two weeks so I can make it before the end of the bingo. 🤞

Thank you again for your sweet message and I hope you'll like all the Cegan that's coming 🤗❤️🥰💐✨

[benedictscanvas]

be still, my foolish heart [4] - jamie tartt x reader

pairing: jamie tartt x fem!reader

word count: 3k

series warnings: lots of language throughout, some allusions to smut but nothing explicit, a LOT of fucking fluff mostly ngl

a/n: this gif whewww <3 this series is so FUN omg. i'm so glad people are even still reading it ahaha. enjoy the last chapter before the Euros!

series summary: when jamie gets called up to the england team for the first time, he’s terrified. enter you, all smiles and swearing, and suddenly his only fear is falling head over boots for you.

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chapter four - imagine being loved by me

Tomorrow, Jamie’s getting on a plane to Italy, where England’s Euros campaign will begin. He’s not scared anymore, because he’s trained hard the last few weeks, he gets on with his teammates, he knows realistically how many minutes he’s going to get. It’s so different to his role at Richmond, where he knows just how important he is to the team and so does everyone around him. Here, though, his importance is less obvious, but he still feels it. Still feels part of this team.

It’s this change in attitude and newfound confidence that’s led him to playing at his best level in the past week of training. When he jogs out onto the pitch for their final session before they leave, he’s lighter than ever, tipping a splash of water from his water bottle down Gondo’s neck as he passes him with a cackle.

Yes, he’s stewing over the fact that he hasn’t spoken to you in four days, but he’s really trying not to dwell on it.

When he was on the pitch, it was one of the only times you wouldn’t pop into his mind randomly. A vision of you in Richmond red, sat on the edge of a pool, beaming down at him like some fucking angel or something. It’s plagued him enough that he hasn’t volunteered for any PR in those four days, so he hasn’t properly seen you. Doesn’t even know if you’re disappointed he’s not showing up anymore. He’s not sure if he wants you to miss him or not.

His gut twinges when he thinks about it though, and he definitely wants you to miss him a little bit.

It feels like it’s the only fear he has left. Either he gives in to this infatuation with you that he’s unwilling to admit to and probably fucks it up within the week, or he stops talking to you until he can think about your face without a smile appearing on his.

The latter feels safer. He hasn’t even thought about anything romantic with anyone since way back in his prick days, and the thought of reverting back to that with you makes him sick.

“Let’s get to it, boys! Full 60 minute match to test our endurance today, second team grab bibs and let’s go!”

One of the coaches claps enthusiastically as the second team grabs a bib, Jamie included, who is excited to get out there and stop fucking thinking. It’s not sure it’s ever been a strength of his.

Once he’s on the pitch, he’s in his element again. Rife is first team and marking him, so it’s hard work, but he gets a goal within twelve minutes that feels like a cracker. He gets the now familiar pats on the back and bites back his wide grin.

“Thanks for the assist, man,” he says to Gondo, slapping the back of his head. Gondo mutters something about payback for the water incident earlier, but he’s smiling. Jamie feels like, just maybe, this group could win the Euros. They’re that good. He could be part of that.

Still high on the adrenaline of his goal, he skips past one of the Arsenal boys in defence and has another clear run on goal. Or so he thinks. He doesn’t even see the other central defender, who comes clattering into him full force a second later and Jamie’s on the ground before he knows what’s happened.

Usually he’d be rolling about by now to get the free kick, but he’s stuck in place as he reaches down for his ankle.

Fuck. Fuck fuck shit fuck.

He might be saying that out loud, he’s not sure. There’s a physio beside him all too quickly as he lets his head fall back onto the turf, not hearing anything but noise from the teammates surrounding him. The physio must prod something, because Jamie lets out a groan that he feels in his chest and then he hears the word stretcher. That brings him out of it.

“I’m not leavin’ on a fuckin’ stretcher,” he grinds out, sitting up and reaching out for the guy who’d brought him down to pull him back up. The teammate in question, Wire, is apoloigisely profusely, shaking his head, “All good, mate. All good.”

Jamie can’t believe he’s comforting someone else right now. His ankle fucking hurts but he leans on the physio for support and hobbles off the pitch. Gareth claps him on the back and whispers in his ear on his way out, but he honestly didn’t pay attention.

His dream’s over. He’s never ever going to play for England and there’s gotta be a reason for this and maybe this is finally his punishment for how-

“Sit down,” the physio insists, pulling a chair practically under him as they reach the physio room. She pulls another chair opposite him, “Elevate it. We got this.”

He nods, grateful for the vote of confidence as she bustles out of the room again to get ice. No words could convince him though: he’s still 100% positive that his dream is over and it’s all his fault and he should have been more careful and this is the universe telling him it isn’t meant to be and and and…

“Fucking fuck, Jamie! What the fuck? Is it your ankle?”

You come barrelling through the physio door, shutting it behind you with your foot as you crouch down next to him. It’s too many shocking things in a row, so he just stares at you, blank faced. He’s really hoping those aren’t tears he feels in his eyes.

You seem to see his distress a minute too late. He hears you swear again under your breath, then you pull up yet another chair to sit beside him, leaning forward with your elbows on your knees as you look back at him.

“Sorry. Not helpful. We’ll just wait and see what she says, yeah?”

He wants to nod, but he doesn’t think he actually does. It’s like his muscles aren’t listening to his brain. The physio returns and immediately gets a wraparound ice pack on his ankle, crouching down to secure it. She tilts her head to give you a look, but you glare at her enough that she relents. Jamie isn’t sure what that interaction means.

Underneath the ice pack, the physio uses gentle, prodding fingers to initially assess the ankle. If Jamie was trying to be brave before, he was in a whole new realm of that now, desperate not to let out another yelp with you present. It only seemed to be one specific place where the pain spiked when she pressed down, but he had never been one to listen closely to physios so he had no idea what that meant.

“We’re going to keep this on for fifteen minutes to start with, alright? Then I’ll bring back the mini-ultrasound and we can assess it properly,” she said, and Jamie was listening intently, still just nodding in lieu of words. The physio in question, and he wished he knew her name at that moment, began to walk out, but stopped at the door, “I’m not supposed to get your hopes up, but it really feels like an impact injury to me rather than a sprain or a tear. Don’t tell anyone I said that.”

She fixes both Jamie and you with a glare that tells you she’s serious, and then she’s gone. Jamie is left with eyes blinking back tears and you, sat beside him, leaning back into your chair with a deep sigh. He can’t even turn to look at you properly as he speaks.

“I knew this was too good to be true.”

A pause. He can feel your eyes on the side of his face, studying his profile.

“What?”

“This. Being here. Playing for England, like. I’ve dreamt about it since I was a fuckin’ kid, ya know? Tryin’ to escape the life I had. Finally thought I’d fuckin’ done that and here we are.”

It was strange how quickly he felt his self-deprecation turn into anger. Yes, there was a voice telling him this was the punishment he’d never received from Ted for being such a shit, but now that some of the adrenaline was wearing off, a larger part of him knew that wasn’t true. That he’d put in the work to make sure he did deserve this. To have it taken away felt like some cruel joke, designed to crush his self-esteem. Like fuck he’d let it.

“Jamie…”

“Nah, y’ know what? I’ve worked hard. Really fuckin’ hard. Trainin’ with Roy to get better and sorting meself out. When I went home to me mum last, she said she was proud. Proper proud, and she didn’t mean about the football shit. I’ve done the work. This is…it isn’t-”

There are those tears again, stinging behind his eyes. He really doesn’t want to cry, because he can hear his dad shouting the word ‘weak’ in his ear until he turns red in the face, but he wants to be past that. Needs to be. So he lets a tear fall, even if he’s quick to wipe it from his cheek with a rough knuckle.

He hasn’t looked at you through his speech, too consumed by all the thoughts going into it, but when he does risk turning his face to yours, he’s shocked to see similar tears in your own eyes. You must see the look on his face, because you’re quick to duck your head and try to rid yourself of them.

“Sorry,” you mumble, blinking rapidly as you look back up at him, “I always cry when someone else does, it’s stupid. But you are right. You do fucking deserve this Jamie, and if you don’t get it, then the world’s unfair. But you’re on this team already, remember. You’re in that dream you had as a kid right now, even if it doesn’t feel like it. Think you’d be your own hero right now.”

It’s a way he hasn’t looked at things before. He thinks a lot about making his mum proud and he used to think a lot about making his dad angry but he’s never really thought about his younger self, what he’d think if he could see himself now.

“Yeah,” he breathes, “Maybe. Thanks, for sayin’ that. And, you know, for comin’ here.”

He’s still not sure why you came. Later, when he’s doing that terrible thinking thing again in the comfort of his own bed, he’ll replay the image of you rushing into the room, out of breath, coming to check he’s okay. It’s stuck with him.

“Oh, I shouldn’t even be here really. I was just- I was pitchside and saw you go down. Panicked a bit for you. Sorry I barged in, actually, I can go if-”

“No no, stay,” he says, too quickly, “If y’ want to, like.”

“I would,” you confirm and somehow despite his situation he feels his heart beating a little faster at the smile that takes over your face as you continue, “Gotta be here when she gives you the all clear. Here we are, crying and shit, but she’s totally about to walk in here and tell you there’s nothing to worry about.”

She did say it might be an impact injury. He doesn’t want to get his hopes up, but he still asks you as stupid question.

“You think so?”

As if you’d know. Still, he’s rewarded for his dumb need for reassurance when you reach over to take his hand in yours, just for a moment. A singular squeeze. When you let go, his hand stays in place.

“Yep. Only thing that makes sense. If you’re not cleared to play in our first match in two days, I’ll have to seriously rethink my whole optimistic worldview. It would be very damaging.”

You’re kidding around. Distracting him. You’ve done it before, even if you didn’t know it at the time, but this time you’re doing it on purpose and he’s so grateful. It’s one of the first times he’s been struck by how much he wants to hug you, hold you close to him, rather than how desperate he is to kiss the air from your lungs (even if he still really wants to do that too).

“Ah yeah. Well, we can’t have me ankle damagin’ your whole cheerful thing you’ve got goin’. Would be very selfish of me.”

“Very. And from what I’ve heard, you’re not the selfish type anymore. Unless I’ve heard wrong, Tartt?”

He places a hand on his chest, wounded.

“Already back to me last name? You’re a cruel woman,” he says, eyes glinting mischief, “I’ll make sure me ankle’s alright to play then, I suppose. If it’s for you.”

Now that was dangerously close to flirting. It had just come out.

“Very kind of you,” you retort, but it’s closer to fondness than the same flirty tone as his voice had accidentally taken on. Message received. He knew he shouldn’t flirt anyway and you not reciprocating was only the confirmation he needed of that fact.

The two of you sit in silence, then, but it’s not as uncomfortable as it could be. There’s a charge in the air, maybe caused by both of your adrenaline still dissipating, but he’s quite happy to sit in silence with you, especially when you’ve just succeeded in both making him feel better and distracting him from the matter at hand.

After what doesn’t feel like very long, the physio comes bundling back into the room, pushing her ultrasound machine on a trolley. She’s clearly been setting it up in the hallway already and Jamie faintly wonders if she’d left the two of alone to talk deliberately.

“Right, it’ll be a little cold, that’s just gel. Try and relax, and keep still.”

He does just that. He rocks his head to the side and sticks his tongue out at you, just to see you giggle. There’s a pit in his stomach that this woman is about to snatch the little bubble you’d created for him away, but then he sees her smile. She stands to take off her gloves and Jamie holds his breath.

“No evidence of any damage, Jamie,” she says and he huffs out all his breath at once in a half-laugh, “I think Wire just managed to catch you right on the bone which is where the pain’s coming from. It’ll bruise and be painful to the touch, but shouldn’t bother you when you’re playing. Ice for twenty minutes every three hours over the next day, though, yeah? Just to be sure.”

It’s the most attentive he’s ever been. He grins at the physio as he thanks her then pushes up to hug her as well, hearing your laugh in the background at his ferocity. He even asks her name, wanting to thank Heather with the respect she deserves. The relief is buzzing through his whole body, so he doesn’t really think about it when he launches himself into your arms next.

He’s so glad he threw caution to the wind. You wind your arms around him tightly, clutching at his shoulder blades, pressing your chin into his collarbone. He buries his face in your neck just for one indulgent moment before he pulls away to arms length, still grinning.

“Knew you weren’t selfish,” you say, happily, squeezing his arms once before you let your hands drop.

“Couldn’t be when you’re so fuckin’ nice to me. Weirdo,” he says, trying not to blush too much at your new proximity, “Thank y’ for staying.”

You roll your eyes and brush it off, but he wishes you’d accept what he was saying because he meant it with his whole heart. Then he remembers he’d been avoiding you for days, and quickly needs to make it right.

“Oh, and anything you’ve got comin’ up the rest of the day, PR wise, I’m in. And the rest of the tournament, actually. Just put me name down on all the forms.”

“There are no forms, you nerd,” you laugh, but he can see a sliver of surprise on your face at his words. Maybe you had noticed his absence, “But I’ll consider you a sure thing when I need you.”

You’d said when I need you. Not when we need you. Just the wording made his grin wider.

“Good.”

“Good.”

“Would the two of you get the fuck out of my physio room now, please?”

Jamie jumped when Heather the physio spoke up. He definitely hadn’t completely forgotten she was there. The two of you apologised lowly and then scurried out of the room, only both laughing once you were out of there.

“Well, I’m gonna go back to trainin’ like I’ve risen from the dead,” Jamie says excitedly, “You comin’?”

“I’d better get back to work, I wasn’t even supposed to be pitchside anyway,” you admit, “I’m sure they’ll be very excited to have you back after a whole half hour without you.”

“Wonder how they’ve coped,” he agrees, shaking his head as he pretends to feel sorry for them.

“Gondo and Kips are coming by my office later for a new Instagram idea, do you want to join them? If you meant what you said, of course.”

“I did. I’ll see ya then,” he said, willing himself to just leave without hugging you again. He walks a few paces backwards.

“Great,” you agree, also walking a few paces backwards. He decides to be the one to turn away first, and he’s already running back to training, ankle feeling good as new now that it’s been iced and nobody’s pressing on it.

He thinks back to the stunning goal he scored earlier and suddenly he realises you would’ve been around to see it. It makes him beam as he jogs out onto the pitch to finish what he’d started.

[mikailys]

MCL NewGen Ep 9 Commentary

I poured blood, sweat, tears, and money to finish this episode. I fought my inner demons to convince myself that they didn't deserved my money but here we are: with a concluded episode and me with 30 euros less in my bank account 🥲 As always, this post will obviously contain spoilers under the cut so beware~

Ngl after the disaster of episode 8 I had zero (0) hopes for this new one, I wasn’t even excited after everything that happened last month (e-girl pack, episode 8, Halloween event and so on) but I have to admit, this one surprisingly exceeded my low expectations by a landslide by finally giving some insight on the LIs about time i might say.

But first thing first, the cost. This episode was hella expensive, I spent 2604 aps, of which 1832 were free. I'm following Jason's route so I know it's more expensive than the others but I didn't imagine this much. I genuinely hope the others will be shorter and that this was just an exception given the backstories cause I can't handle every ep being like this 😩

As a Jason's girlie, I was ecstatic about this episode. For once, his presence was well-contextualized, he didn’t come off like a stalker and we weren’t the damsel in distress. I didn’t expect him to start trauma-dumping on Candy so soon, considering they don’t see each other as often compared to the other LIs, but I’m glad we got to know him better. I really hope Candy’s attitude toward him will start to soften 'cause she’s always on guard around him and it’d be nice to see her relax and trust him a little more, especially after the intimate moment they experienced in this ep.

I must admit tho the premise didn't really appeal to me and I was skeptical this would be another silly ep with all the Devenementiel crew doing stuff but luckily it wasn't. It all starts with Devon telling us that, starting the next day, a group of interns will be joining the team and it turns out these are Devon’s younger brothers, Gebril and Joen.

Overall I liked the time spent with them. I agree that there were a lot of unnecessary moments and some parts I could’ve gladly skipped but it was a cute scenario, and finally we get to meet some new characters for a change also idk but Joen's attitude kinda reminds me of Armin oh I miss himm

Since we're here let’s already get to the sore spot of this whole ep: the whole Tasha situation. I don’t care if it’s wrong to have beef with my fictional sister, but I’m honestly speechless at how she and their mom acted during the internship situation. You knew for months that you needed to pick a company for your internship and yet, the night before, you have no plans because you delayed the application?? And now you’re asking me to call up my boss at 8 pm to beg him to include you in the internship that’s supposed to start tomorrow? Are you out of your mind?!?

Also isn’t the whole traineeship supposed to be organized by the school? I’m not sure how it works in France, but I was quite confused—here in Italy the school usually guides you through the process and handles all the paperwork. It’s unusual for students to be left on their own in a situation like this...

And the mom is even worse cause she just says "I don’t want to judge you for how you’re acting with her because if I were in your shoes I wouldn’t know what to do either" like uhmm you’re the mother, not me?? If you knew about this the whole time –and she knew for months– why didn’t she help Tasha earlier? Or better yet, why didn’t Tasha ask us weeks ago instead of the evening before? And yet they’re just chilling while playing cards omg you have no idea how much this stressed me out it's so stupid but yet so infuriating like the fact that they only have a bathroom in a mega villa but whatever i guess.

After we refuse to help her, Tasha mysteriously ends up joining Goldreamz for her internship. I’m honestly confused, once again, about how this happened because the night before no company had accepted her and now suddenly she's got the job?? Did Jason see her candidacy last minute right before clocking out the office? If I missed something pls let me know cause I genuinely can't wrap my head around it lol.

What a way to twist things...

But anyway, I honestly liked this option. I admit I would have never imagined this plot for his route but I’m glad they went this way. I loved seeing Candy’s reaction when Tasha told her about working with "the devil" and I also enjoyed her reactions to the ambiguous conversation between Candy and Jason in his office watch Tasha being the first to get the hints about their situationship lol

Maybe it's for the better, we don't want to let our lil sis know we blew up big time our first solo project.

Once Tasha leaves, Candy asks Jason wtf he’s doing and he assures her that he doesn’t have any ulterior motives. He just thought it would be an amusing situation for both him and Candy. After a quick recap, we get a better understanding of Candy and Tasha's relationship. It seems like there’s a bit of a rivalry/competition between the sisters—something I would have never guessed, considering we've only seen Tasha about three times since the beginning but okay. I only wish to see more of their sisterhood but I guess we won't any sooner since she's going to her father for a while, that sucks.

After some usual bantering, we find out that Jason envies our relationship with Tasha since he’s an only child, which leads him to open up a bit about his past. We learn that he found comfort in solitude, often isolating himself by going out on his father's boat in the middle of the ocean. I admit this was unexpected, I never would’ve guessed he’d be so into the marine world - as we'll see soon in the rowboat scene. It adds a surprisingly nice contrast to his otherwise business-like persona.

Touched by Jason’s childhood story, Candy spontaneously suggests they take a boat ride right then and there, to experience the peace and solitude he felt throughout his childhood. This was a cute gesture from Candy ngl, I thought she would simply nod and listen to his story but no. This is the first time she takes such an important first step with him in their relationship and I'm proud of her.

But, once arrived tho she has to ruin everything destroying the cute little moment...

Oh my God. You strangely enough managed to get him to open up about his difficult childhood and you still can’t help but joke about him being the big bad guy? Ugh I take back whatever I said about you Candy, you're dumb.

Thankfully, Jason doesn’t seem that much bothered by her comment and they get on the rowboat. I was lowkey hoping for a cute moment where he offers her his hand to help her aboard but nope, doesn’t happen. Honestly I’m convinced this is his subtle payback for that insensitive joke, if so props to you J.

Anyway, he starts rowing and soon we find ourselves in the middle of the lake. This is where the heart of the episode unfolds imo. We finally get a glimpse into his family history. Jason opens up about his father, a scientist deeply passionate about the ocean, that tragically passed away shortly before he turned 19.

This is the moment where I truly lost it. I swear, I was a sobbing mess.

Jason’s vulnerability hit me harder than I expected. We already knew about his father, but hearing him tell the whole story was tough. I can barely imagine what he went through at such a pivotal age. The emotional distance between him and his mother after she got remarried definitely played a big role and when you add his strained relationship with his stepfather into the mix, it’s impossible not to feel for him. It's such a tragic backstory, I hope they don’t mess it up from here on out. My pookie deserves better :(

As for the special scene, it wasn't that much but I liked it. Unfortunately, I can't post the screenshots since I’ve hit the limit per post sigh but it was such a sweet and heartwarming moment. It offered a smooth transition from the heaviness of the conversation to their usual playful banter and I really appreciated how it slowly lightened up the mood without taking away from the emotional depth of his story. I have to admit, I wasn’t really a fan of the illustration. The setting and moment were adorable - it totally gave me Rapunzel vibes with all the whimsy and charm - but Jason’s expression feels off, it’s almost like he’s a villain plotting revenge rather than being swept up in the moment lol. Plus his proportions seem a little strange mmh. Candy, on the other hand, looks gorgeous so gg.

And that’s it. Afterwards, Jason accompanies Candy back to her house, reminding her that despite the little walk down memory lane, things haven’t changed between them in his eyes, and he expects the same from her. Oh, and let’s not forget she owes him an intimate story too as if the whole Ioan drama wasn’t enough.

With that, he leaves and the episode ends with Candy having her same old crisis whenever she spends a little time with Jason.

Now, I’m really curious to see if Jason opening up will actually shift things between them or if it’ll stay the same old. At this point, Candy doesn’t have much of an excuse to keep trash-talking him - he hasn’t done anything to harm her or Devenementiel, yet, and he’s actually been there to help her on multiple occasions. I’m hoping she drops the whole “he’s the devil” mindset because he’s honestly shown more support than hostility in the latest eps.

But honestly I can't hide that rn I'm more worried about the next episode. Thomas having an incident was on everyone’s bingo card -even though I didn’t expect it to happen this early- but here we are. I’ve got so much repressed trauma from everything with Lysander that I genuinely have no idea what to expect next 🫠

[kaija-rayne-author]

Ugh I can’t not theorize. I’ve been at it non stop. Once a story catches my interest my brain just going into hyper speed trying to figure out how the writers (if they do a good job) will bring all of their themes, hints, etc to fruition. All I’m missing is a cork board, pins, and miles of red string.

What’s super exciting this time is I’m actually dealing with a property where the writers are….good? I’m so used to being disappointed when fan theories (often my own) turn out to be much better than the canon, but I don’t see that happening here. Weekes is clearly a masterful writer and knows how to build up to a satisfying twist.

Because you just know another twist is coming. Solas, despite everything, is just too soft hearted to make a convincing final boss. It couldn’t be more obvious that being The Dreadwolf and putting aside his own conscience takes every ounce of energy he has. Eventually he’ll have his breaking point and that’s when we’ll find out who our true villain is.

It’s Mythal. I’ll eat my damn hat if it isn’t. She’s either not the person Solas remembers, or maybe she never was. In either case, there’s been plenty of clues both in DAI and in subsequent materials (specifically Tevinter Knights) to imply that there’s something else going on here.

We keep seeing imagery of the Dreadwolf as a mutant abomination that is part wolf and part dragon. It’s easy to point to the end credit scene of DAI and say “well yeah he fused with Mythal who is a dragon” and sure it looked that way…but is that actually what happened?

We saw Flemeth part with some form of magical energy before Solas arrived. We also know that she’d taken the soul of Uthemiel from Kieran. Uthemiel happens to be a dragon, or was until he was tainted and became an Archdemon.

Archdemons can control Darkspawn. And taking a Darkspawn army past the Veil to enact vengeance upon the Evanuris sees like something Flemeth would do. But that doesn’t seem like something Solas would want. His agenda has always been to fix his past mistakes and tear down the Veil for the greater good. He doesn’t seem that fond of Darkspawn, in fact he was pretty pissed at the Wardens for screwing around with them.

Where I’m going with this, is I think it’s entirely possible Solas is being used. He may have unwittingly fused himself with an Archdemon, assuming it was the essence of Mythal. The real plan, now that plan A failed, might be turning him into an Archdemon so Flemeth/Mythal can use him to start another blight and wield the darkspawn. Corypheus managed to mind control an Archdemon, so clearly it can be done.

And if that’s the case, then ooooooh boy.

Poor Solas.

OMG. I missed this one and I'm so glad I finally found it!

What a fascinating idea. Holy shitballs.

Okay, so I just restarted DAO, I'll be on the lookout through these playthroughs (I'm doing DA2 next, then probably DAI again, because I'm an utter sucker for lore) for hints about all that!

I thought the whole point of the dark ritual w/Morrigan was to purify Urthemiel's 'soul' through being born as an innocent child. But what if that didn't work?

But then, wouldn't Kieran have shown signs of taint? Hmmm. Maybe not, given it's just the soul?

I'm still not convinced that Flemythal parted with any kind of energy in that scene. BUT if she did... well, she's pulled the whole 'soul piece recovery schtick' before. So if it was energy or a soul, it could've been hers. Leaving just Urthemiel. Which would very possibly warp Solas into a dragon/wolf thing. And Mythal is very used to Solas going along with what she wants. So it feels like something she wouldn't think twice about. She uses Morrigan too, and Kieran, so it’s definitely something she's used to doing.

I have a strong feeling Solas is indeed being used. And has been since he was 'born' from the fade. There's a lot of hints to his resignation, nay, even belief that it's right that Mythal used him. (This is... common, in abuse survivors, FWIW.)

But I believe it's canon that his forehead scar came from when he burnt off Mythal's Vallaslin? I have to see if I can find that again. I can't remember where I read it.

I think Mythal will be rather unpleasantly surprised in the spine Solas has developed since her 'murder'. He doesn't seem at all likely to me to be all 'hey! My enslaver is back! Let me just get my slave brands again'. Now, if he were still truly alone, he might just cave into it because man, does Solas have some pretty massive Mythal issues. Not sure if he regards her as his mom or something else or a mix of things, urk.

BUT he's not actually truly alone anymore is he? No matter how hard he tries to be. A Romanced Lavellan can tell him "Var lath vir suledin" which translates sorta, into "Our - love - way/path - endure/strength to withstand loss."

So he knows he's not alone. That inky will absolutely go to the mat for him. He has actual friends, too. He said Bull has him, if you don't betray Bull w/the Chargers. Solas doesn't strike me as someone to say that lightly.

So, he also knows he has friends, too.

I think, if Mythal actually is the big bad (kinda hoping for this tbh) she's gonna have a rather rude awakening when it comes to Solas. Who, from all I can tell, has always willingly served her whims. Because she was 'the best of them' doesn't mean she was actually good.

I talked about how he's heavily neurodivergent coded before, and we're generally loyal to a fault, which Solas very much shows.

But we do also often, eventually, reach a 'no more' point. After which, we'll absolutely close all those doors we'd previously left open.

If Solas acts the way I suspect he might, he'd then use everything he knows about Mythal and the Evanuris to help the game protag (I still wish I could just carry my inky over) defeat the buggers.

But what would it take for him to finally reach that point with Mythal? Mommy issues are soooo hard to deal with in therapy because it's so damned easy to backslide.

Hurting Inky? Doing something that will destroy the fade (like marching a darkspawn army into it)? Making him betray all of his followers who truly believe in him and his goals of freeing enslaved elves?

Solas deeply believes that slavery is wrong. In a way that makes me think he was actually enslaved at one point. Obviously to Mythal.

Oh, fuck me. What an amazing story they could tell about the whole 'but there were good slave owners' bullshit nonsense some people like to spout.

Of course, I still really wish Bioware would tell a story with a disabled protag. Which the end of Inquisition really would set up nicely. But given their shit disability rep, I know not to hold my breath over that.

[atinyjules]

Eyes Off You Ft. Park Jisung {ch-6}

A/n: Welcome to chapter 6! Are you liking it so far? I hope you are! Omg my photocards are so pretty and good quality ✨️ I'll probably be ordering more in the future if I have money 😢 I don't have much to say so I'll leave the yapping for the next chapter lmaoo

The mini masterlist for this series can be found here

Tw: Angsty

After the whole ordeal at uni, Lianna decided that she needed some time alone, so she told the boys to go on without her. Truth is, she was scared to go home like a mess only for Johnny to see her. She didn't want her brother to worry about her, so she decided to kill some time in the park until Johnny left for his job after sundown.

Limping a little, Lianna managed to walk till the bench with great difficulty before finally relaxing and sitting down on one of the park bench. After calming her breathing, Lianna stared at her clothes and her hands. Her once, clean, and pretty varsity jacket was now looking like it had gone through two world wars. Yes, it was a bit of an exaggeration, but maybe it was her because of her emotional state right now.

She dusted her jacket and pants before taking out her phone. The sight of her new phone decorated with a cute white phone case paired with a matching pastel brown bear popsocket and a phone charm with beads that spelled Riize made Lianna smile for the first time after today's happenings.

Was it the fact that Riize got her all these goodies or the fact that they were more loyal than her previous friends that made Lianna feel more love for the seven boys? It was definitely the latter. Despite getting beaten up badly, they still stuck by her. It made her happy and kind of sad, too. Lianna wished that Jisung and the rest did the same for her. Too traumatized by the situations that were happening, a new wave of pain filled her body as she pressed a video she hadn't watched for a long while. Luckily, her Sim card and memory card didn't get destroyed, so she still had everything .

In the background of the video, the soulful sounds of the piano could be heard as an excited and young Jisung held a bouquet of roses while the others held confetti poppers and a cake that said 'Happy Lia Day !' They were preparing to surprise Lianna for her 13th birthday.

Lianna's

I chuckled dryly as I watched the video. They switched off the lights and busted into my practice room, singing happy birthday as 13 year old Lianna broke down into tears. Not wanting to watch further, I ended the video and pressed back quickly before sighing and putting on my headphones to listen to some music. Suddenly, Johnny's name shone through the phone making me panic a bit before picking up the call.

"Hello? Lia, hey... I forgot to send you a text earlier." Johnny said making me furrow my brows.

"What text?" I asked as he laughed nervously.

"Are you home yet? I actually have some work in Busan, I'll be back in a week. I forgot to call you so I thought I'd text you but I forgot. The house key is with the landlord." He said, making me internally let out a sigh of relief.

"I'm out with the guys." I lied as he sighed in relief.

"Thank goodness, remember, the key is with the landlord. I'll be back next week so I left dinner in the fridge and some money for you in case you don't want to cook. You know what, you can just get takeout. I'm sorry for not telling you earlier." He said making me shake my head, not like he sees it though.

"It's fine, I'll manage. Don't overwork yourself." I said as he chuckled.

"I won't, but you take care, alright? You can let Shotaro and Sungchan sleep over if you don't wanna be alone." He said as I hummed in response.

"Okay then." I said when he hummed.

"Hey, you alright? You sound really tired." He said making me panic as I chuckled.

"Yup, I'm fine. We did a lot of stuff at uni today... I'm just tired. I think I'm just burnt out." I said making him gasp.

"Well, that's not good. You sure you're okay?" He questioned making me groan internally.

"Yeah... Oh hey, John... can I just not go to uni for the week? I'm just really burnt out. If I rest it out... I'll be able to focus in class more." I said and bit my nails, scared as to what he'll say.

"Take all the time you need, I know how it feels when we're burnt out. You just rest and sleep it off until you feel better, alright? I'll send the university an email for you leave." He said making me panic.

"It's fine, I'll do it myself. You have a lot of work yourself. I'll send it now and rest." I said as he sighed.

"You really need to learn how to accept people's help... but if you say so. You take care, I'll be back in a week alright?" He said as I hummed in response.

"Take care, come back soon." I said making him chuckle.

"After I'm done, I'll take the first train back." He said in a loving tone.

After ending the call, I put on my headphones and began the trip back home.

I stopped in the middle of the road because of the pain in my abdomen and my legs. I sighed as I looked forward. My apartment was right there, and yet here I was. I sucked it up and gave myself a little pep talk before standing up straight and forcing myself to walk.

"You need help?" I turned to see Zhong Chenle making me widen my eyes before continuing to walk.

"No, thanks." I said making him sigh.

"You sure? You look like you need a piggyback ride. I'll get you to your door." He said, making me shake my head.

It sounds so tempting... shut up, Lianna! Him and his friends are the reason you're like this! But then again... he never did anything to you... and he did give you a drink during the university cleaning drive.

"Look... I'm sorry for everything my stupid friends did. And I'm even more sorry that I didn't do anything. I don't like making a scene... but because of my stupidity, you got even more injured." He said, making me turn to look at his face to search for any signs of insincerity. I sighed in defeat when I didn't find any signs of insincerity in his face.

"You sure? The elevator isn't working... I live on the 20th floor." I said in hopes to scare him away, but he smiled and kneeled in front of me.

"I inhaled three mega sized burgers and a big bowl of ramen today, so it'll help me burn my calories. Get on." He said, making me finally sigh in defeat before getting on his back.

"I'm warning you, I'm quite heavy." I said, making him chuckle.

"Oh please, you're not even half my warm-up weights. I might look like this, but I actually lift weights and work out a lot." He said making me chuckle.

"I can see that." I say sarcastically.

"Does that mean you forgive me?" Chenle asked as I sighed before tugging his hair.

"Ouchh!" He winced making me chuckle.

"Now you're forgiven." I said making him chuckle.

×××

Jisung's

I sighed as I watched Chenle giving Lianna a piggyback. After finding out the truth, I felt devastated and ashamed at my behavior towards Lianna back then and now. I walked home with slumped shoulders as I drank my coke.

"I really am gullible after all..." I mumbled to myself as I walked home.

After reaching home, I locked myself in my bedroom as I got on the bed and went through some of my old high school pictures.

"Park Jisung from high school... I became so popular so quickly that... the popularity and fame swallowed me whole until... until I became the Park Jisung I am now. If only... I had said no." I whispered before putting my phone down and lying face down on my pillow.

When I was about to start high school, Chaeyeon had gotten me to change my hair and my fashion. Although my style is different from how it was back then... I still am the boy who agreed to change myself to become popular. Would we have been friends if I didn't believe Chaeyeon and change myself?

I sigh and look at my pictures of when I was in middle school.

"He was so much happier back then..." I mumbled to myself as I looked at the girl with big transparent glasses and braces next to me.

Feeling tears brim my eyes, I quickly buried my face on my pillow as my hands clenched the pillow.

×××

Lianna's

I sighed as I lay down on my bed after a long day. After changing into my pj's and washing my face, I looked at my bruised face. Letting out a breath, I looked down on the sink before forcing myself to finish my night routine. Not wanting to eat tonight, I just sat on my bed in hopes of falling asleep. After miserably failing, I ended up sitting in a home studio with headphones as I blasted whatever music that came up.

"I'm scared to go to back ..." I mumbled, not hearing my own voice as I put my head down on my keyboard and closed my eyes.

I groaned as music blasted through my headphones, waking me up as I slightly opened my eyes to see the sunlight peaking through my blinds, making me open my eyes. I had fallen asleep in the home studio again.

"Gosh... I need to stop doing this." I said in an annoyed tone as I removed my headphones and stood up to look in the mirror.

"Great! It's just wonderful!" I said sarcastically as I grazed my fingers through my keyboard imprinted skin.

I let out a sigh as I ran my fingers through my hair before brushing and holding my hair in place with a claw clip.

"No class for a week, time to use that to my full advantage." I mumbled as I walked downstairs. Opening the fridge, I gasp as I see the food Johnny left for me... to have at dinner last night.

"Well... I guess it's breakfast now." I mumbled as I warmed up the curry, humming to the song I played from my phone while waiting.

Gradually, my hums became quiet as I stared at my reflection on the window by the sink. My eyes remained glued on the image of my face, the face that I hate so much. My glasses caused me to hate the reflection even more, making me remove my glasses.

"If I had switched to contacts... would I have been more accepted?" I asked myself before I heard the curry burning making me gasp before quickly closing the gas.

"Great... it dried up..." I mumbled before letting my head hit the counter as I groaned.

After eating rice and seaweed for breakfast, I dragged myself upstairs to my bed before sticking there for the rest of the day, binge watching some random kdrama while eating some of the snacks Johnny left.

I roll my eyes and sigh after hearing someone ring the doorbell and knock on the door for the fifth time. Lazily getting up, I headed downstairs and pressed the video button to see who's outside.

Upon realizing who it is I quickly press the audio button.

"Leave." I said in a cold voice as the person sighed and kept knocking.

"Let me in, I wanna talk." Haechan said, making me narrow my eyes as I pressed the audio button.

"Not me. Your actions were enough for me to know what type of person you are, so kindly leave me alone with my kdrama and food." I said as he groaned.

"You didn't come to uni as well... come on... I just wanna talk." He said, making me scoff before pressing the audio button.

"Don't expect me to come tomorrow as well or the day after!" I exclaimed before turning to walk away when Haechan's words caught my attention.

"Jisung is here too... we wanna apologize. " I clenched my fist as I opened the door roughly. Eyeing Haechan first before eyeing Jisung with dark eyes.

"You... and your stupid little gang of friends can bully me as much as you want... I'd rather get beaten to death than speak with you two." I said in a cold tone.

Jisung's

After not seeing Lianna at uni, I got worried as guilt started to eat me from the inside. Ever since I found out the truth, I've been extremely sad and wanted to speak to Lianna, but since she didn't come, I was feeling anxious. Haechan must've been feeling the same thing since he waited for me after class outside the dance studio and told me that he was gonna go and apologize to her.

I decided to go with him to her apartment to talk. After knocking for a long time, she finally spoke, her voice making me happy and sad because of the dark and cold tone she spoke in. After pissing her off by accident, she came out and stared down at us before speaking.

"You... and your stupid little gang of friends can bully me as much as you want... I'd rather get beaten to death than speak with you two." She said in a cold tone.

My eyes glossed as I noticed all the red and blue bruises around her face as she spoke. I wanted to say something, but at that time, I didn't have the courage to utter a single word.

"We were wrong... and we're so sorry." Haechan said making her chuckle.

"As you should. You see these? Your friends did this to me... do you even realise the pain that a single punch from someone like Jeno can give to a person like me? I got multiple punches and slaps thrown on me. My body is in so much pain... almost feels like I'm dying... but the pain you guys gave me... is more than these physical ones." She said in a shaky tone, making me look down, unable to look at the bruises around her eyes and face.

"I'm thankful that Johnny isn't here... my brother is too good... he doesn't deserve to see me like this, and nor does he deserve to know how evil you people really are." She said as Haechan stepped forward.

"I know... but... we really are sorry... you didn't deserve to be treated like that-" She cut his words with a sigh.

"You think... I don't know that? You guys are so insufferable... leave." She commanded, making me panic as I looked up at her.

"Lia..." I trailed when the door in front of us opened to reveal a bruised and battered Seunghan covered in bandaids. He looked different due to the bruise on his eye.

"Here to cause more damage?" He asked in a monotone and low voice as his face remained blank.

"We're only here to-" Seunghan cut my words while staring down at me.

"Apologize? Saying sorry, won't cut it. Lia... get in." Seunghan said, looking at Lia, who listened without a thought making Haechan hold her hand.

"Let go of her hand." We turned to see Sungchan and Eunseok.

"Yah, we're here to talk to Lia... not you." Haechan spoke in a warning tone, making Seunghan let out a dry chuckle.

"Oh, are you? Isn't that cute. But you see... she doesn't want to talk to you. We've all had our dreams of university crushed by your stupid gang... and we've had enough. Leave before we let out our anger and grief on you two." Seunghan warned, making me grab Haechan's hand after making eye contact with Seunghan.

"They're serious..." I mumbled to Haechan, who looked around at them before letting out a breath and walking away.

Riize and Lia have finally had enough!

That's it for this chapter 💖 ✨️

I hope you liked it despite it not being that good 💖✨️

Chapter 7 can be found here

Likes and rebloggs are appreciated 💖 ✨️

[blacknwhitemood]

I'm still buying DM stuff, I think over it more or less. I bought a 40 years old American collection LP (up here) that I already have in CD (40 years old and American). Is it logical? Of course.

I bought my second Construction Time Again (down here, Made in Sweden) and sold my first one for 12€ (in the middle , Made in West Germany, bye-bye...), because it hasn't got this black sleeve with the lyrics and the paper cover is in really bad condition, though the record is perfect. My 1st selling! Rocks.

I bought an interesting double CD from Taboo Records, seems Hungarian but it is written "Made in Pangea", like the 100 million years old, ancient continent. This is Dream On Budapest!, the Exciter Tour concert in Hungary, 12th of September, 2001. Fans made a short video on the day of the gig about Dave while he's speaking on his cellphone next to the hotel they stayed (it would've been a hard day after the 9/11 attack, leaving his family or friends back home in NYC).

Booklet has beauties, I put one here:

Another Videos 86>98+ DVD (2002) which is double DVD compared to the first edition and the 2nd record has treasures including Condemnation (Paris Mix) official video that was made in Hungary and But Not Tonight's video which song I love somehow, that's why I bought Black Celebration's U.S. edition LP. I have the DVD's 1998 version (scroll down), now could sell it but I need this for the full story: Corbijn finally agreed to put this beauty to the official selection.

First I ordered this double DVD from Antal, I've found it on his shop's website. He went on holiday for whole July and August, so I had to wait until 2nd of September. He was much friendly this time although I didn't buy anything, because he talked me out of it! In fact the DVD has the European bar code on his website, but he has the US version, that I couldnt' have played at home in his opinion. Weird, but I believed him and went home empty-handed.

Than I was searching for it for hours, 22 years old stuff, does it exists in Hungary at all? I found it only at French Amazon. You can bet, after 1,5 months the DVD lost somewhere in Europe, luckily I got back my money after 4-5 e-mails. Without any hope I visited an infamous online used stuff market and I found a piece that was sold already. I didn't know why, but I called the seller by phone, he answered "actually I still have the DVD because I haven't sold it last weekend at the blablabla festival". Wow. On the same day I got it <3

Short report: I have 38 vinyls so far - including a Soulsavers album, 12"-7" together, 5 more singles is coming in couple of weeks. After that I'll sell 3 of mine which are the same pieces but other editions, I prefer British copies if I find somewhere. Also have 14 CDs (with Paper Monsters), it's funny, because I promised earlier that I don't buy one, and actually I need 2 more (Precious and an other edition of Only When I Lose Myself because of its lovely B-side songs: Free and Surrender). 5 DVDs and a cassette and 6 books/magazines (one more is coming by my "dealer"), some pins, shirts, jewelleries and other clothing. Like a teen, OMG. Bizarre. Laugh, I do the same. Happily.

Details (occasionally mixed): #vinyl collection; #non-vinyl collection

And a little fun at the end from @cultureconnoisseurs.

[vwbugggie]

Fame D.R. First Shift!

Hey y'all!!! Recently I've been seeing a lot of posts about living in the end or living as if you already have what it is that you want. Obviously what I want is to shift so I thought it'd be fun if a wrote out how my first shift wake up would go. So let's all just pretend for a second that I've shifted (OMG!!! CONGRATS BUGGIE!!!! THANK YOU BESTIES!!!! <333 :*)

Comments on my DR (opinions, ideas, etc.) are welcome as long as they are respectful towards me and others! Feel free to ask any questions!

If y’all with Fame DR’s (or any DR; but especially if we have DR’s in common) ever wanna chat my DM's are open, don't be shy! (No minors, sorry!)

Anti-shifters do not interact, I don't care what you think. If you are rude or disrespectful I will block you and delete your comment. I'm not going to argue with you because I simply don't care to. (If you see a rude or disrespectful comment before I can get to it I encourage you not to engage, ignore it, thanks!)

[Also for background we weren't famous when I first shifted, this was at the very beginning of My Chem. Bullets was barely in the works and Frank hadn't joined yet. I hadn't met him, but I did end up meeting him the first day I shifted at the party we went to.]

So this is how my first shift to my Fame D.R. went:

[The day after my two weeks ended and I was officially unemployed, October 1, 2001. I woke up when I felt the bed dip next to me. I kept my eyes closed and didn't move. I felt someone lightly rub my back and gently say]

Gee: Good morning, Bug. Me and Mikey have to go run some errands, afterwards we're gonna pick up Ray, then we'll all come pick you guys up. Then we'll head to the party, ok?

[He looked at me and waited for me to open my eyes.]

Buggie: Yeah, sure 

[I say as I flipped over trying hide the fact that I was freaking out.]

Gee: C’mon Bug, wakey wakey

Buggie: I’m awake

Gee: Prove it

[Finally I opened my eyes and saw Gee smiling down at me, I sat up.]

Buggie: Errands, pick up Ray, then me and Abbi, got it. What time should we be ready by?

Gee: Well we want to be there by eight ish, it's (checks watch) 10:00 so probably 7:00? Gives us enough to finish errands and eat something, sound ok? 

Buggie: Perfect

Gee: Oh, and eat something will you? Real food, not just a Coke. Abbi's cookin', we woulda stuck around and ate with ya, but we’re late

[I nodded my head and held out my arms (a bitch needed a hug fight me)]

Gee: Everything ok?

Buggie: [I nodded my head] Uh huh, I just had a bad dream, would you get Mikey before you guys leave? 

Gee: Sure, I’ll go get him

[I held on for a second, after I let go he stands. A few minutes later Mikey appeared in the doorway.]

Mikey: Hey kid, heard you had a bad dream

[He sits on the bed]

Buggie: Yeah, I just wanted to say bye

[I hugged him, he rubbed my back lightly to comfort me]

Mikey: Wanna talk about it?

Buggie: I’m ok, I don’t wanna make y’all more late

Mikey: Eh, what’s a few more minutes?

Buggie: Really it was nothing, I don’t even really remember it anymore 

Mikey: Ok, but if you need anything just call

Buggie: I will, I’ll see ya later

Mikey: See ya later, kid

The second that door closed I fully freaked out, questioning if this was real, doing reality checks, looking around, grabbing things, you know trying to make sure I was grounded. I was trying to contain my excitement and keep quiet cuz I didn't want to alarm anyone lol. After I somewhat composed myself I ran to my phone to check out my lifa app (yes that's something I kept from old shiftok lol) I explored it a bit, until I was calm, then I decided to go to the kitchen and have breakfast with Abbi.

Just a lil reminder this was me living in the end! I don't want y'all to think I'm lying or anything I just thought this would be fun and helpful for my journey :)

Anyway thanks for reading! Love y'all <3333

[neversam23]

Get to know your mutuals. Answer the questions then send this to your mutuals (at least 3)

1) What should we call you?

2) How tall are you?

3) What's your least favourite color?

4) How would you describe your clothing style?

5) Have you ever dyed your hair? And what color?

6) What is the worst film or tv series you've recently watched?

7) What film are you most looking forward to this upcoming year?

8) Name a fandom you are no longer part of and why

9) What's your favourite animal from the country you live in?

10) What's something you're looking forward to?

Feel free to play if you want or not if you don't! 😊

Sorry for the very very late reply, life was a bit... much. But now I have a few days off and can catch up on the happy and nice things. So:

Plain and simple: Sam. Or Sammy. Both is fine 😊

167cm / 5'4''ish

Brown

Uh... I don't know, a bit boring probably. Jeans, trainers and various nerdy t-shirts, that's basically it. LOL

OMG. Don't remind me. Yes. Red. As in 180/0/0. I blame Dana Scully and the fact that this was in the late 90ies.

"Midwinter of the Spirit". Probably need to explain this: My favourite author, Phil Rickman, died in October and I'm in the middle of re-reading his Merrily Watkins novels. ITV turned one of them into a three-part-series a few years back. I was sooo excited back then, but the teaser-trailer looked so... wrong, that I didn't watch it, well, until last week. And I was right in avoiding it for years. It was just awful. Made me furious, because if done properly, this could have easily been turned into a sucessful and long-running show.

Easy one: The Good Omens finale!

A long, long... ok, VERY long time ago, I was involved in the Stargate fandom on the convention side of things, but with work and being ill it just became too much and I had to take a step back and lost a lot of friends in a very short time because of it. But I met my best friend at the very first Stargate convention I went to and she is still with me all those years later. Will always be grateful for that.

Red squirrel. My best work-mate is a squirrel (he lives in the tree next to my office window and visits multiple times a day and is the cutest little cutie ever)

Spending a few hours tonight and tomorrow building stuff for the Lego winter scene I'm working on and not having to worry about anything else.

[honestreviewsblog]

The Lizzie Bennet Diaries

Everyone who knows me knows how obsessed I am over P&P so when I read a Tumblr thread on Pinterest that said that this is one of the best things in the world... okay I didn't watch it instantly cos I'm prejudiced (badumtss) BUT a few years later, I found another thread that says it's amazing and people should go watch it and I'm bored so I thought, "alright?? maybe i WILL watch it????". And I did and it was the BEST FREAKING THING IN THE WORLD OMG.

I've watched the BBC and 2005 version and while I loooveee both versions equally in my heart of hearts, I think this version perfectly encapsulates my idea of Jane when I read the book. Jane was described in the book by Mrs Hurst and Caroline as "a sweet girl". In fact Jane was the only one in the Bennet family who received a compliment from both their judgy ass which further proves just how sweet Jane really was. And the actress totally nailed it, she was so soft-spoken and calm and good natured, when you see her all you can really think about was, "Oh my God she's so sweet".

Charles Bingley/Bing Lee's charac is much more nuanced in here and when you look at what he did to Jane in a modern eye, you might dislike him just a bit honestly. But I guess in this version, their feelings were mutual and they both knew that. In the regency era versions, he didn't know Jane's feelings because she's shy and didn't show it much and along with her family being soooo embarrassing, he was persuaded to end the "engagement" by the people whose opinions he hold in the highest favor. He fully redeemed himself tho the moment he knew and in all the versions, you just couldn't help but like him in the end cos he's an overall good guy and good person just surrounded by judgmental people lol.

Wickham's a first class a-hole, I hated him before but now I LOATHE him, he's a HORRIBLE person hope he dies a most painful death. Meanwhile Lydia, I looove her in this version. I can't believe I'd say this really, it sounds so crazy but yes I do love Lydia. I think she was a victim of her choices but she shouldn't be held majorly accountable for that. She's a kid, she didn't know better but when she did, she gained a lot of wisdom from it.

Lizzie couldn't be more relatable—she was relatable before but now with all the technology, it feels like she's speaking for my soul. Meanwhile Darcy is soooo dreamy, and much much more hilarious. Everytime he shows up I just wanna rewatch it all over again. He's also more intimidating tho in a sense probably bcs of his limited screen time and how the vlogs are structured to only see what Lizzie wants you to see and only what is sometimes taken from a camera "candidly". No other point of views and no other camera points that might suggest otherwise. The whole vlog was totally Lizzie, it's like travelling inside her mind and only knowing people through her. It was definitely a whole other experience to which I absolutely loveeee as I do like to experience P&P in different ways.

Kinda sad that I didn't get to watch it at the height of its popularity tho cos I can only imagine the hype?? the chaos?? the excitement for the next episode next week?? the intensity of waiting for Mr. Darcy to finally appear on screen?? It must've been sooo crazyyyyy

Overall it was 10/10 I can't believe I finished it in 2 DAYS WTHHHH I WAS SO OBSESSED

[gabessquishytum]

wait okay immortal throuple pregnancy gave me a thought. dream/hob/destruction pregnancy?? hob gets pregnant and none of them know which one's the father, not that any of them mind much either way. but hob gets... so big. so fast. so hey, maybe it's twins??

it's not twins. when hob gets himself off to get an ultrasound he learns that it's definitely not twins, and destruction is definitely the father, because apparently he's just pregnant with a shockingly large baby? which yeah, okay, hob can make a good guess about who's responsible for that one. he has a moment where he's worried about telling them -- what if dream's disappointed hob isn't pregnant with his baby? -- but dream just smirks and tells him that clearly they're going to have to stop going so easy on him. they've been treating hob like he's delicate lately, but if hob's going to manage to give birth to destruction's baby? they're going to have to make sure his poor cunt is good and stretched.

-🐈‍⬛

Omg yes bestie!!! Can't believe we haven't talked about Hob having Ollie's baby before now because Holy Shit I love it <333

I'm just imagining Hob hitting 8 weeks and he's already absolutely popped, it's no use him even trying to hide the fact that he's pregnant. He's almost worried at first because he's pretty sure he shouldn't be so huge so quickly... but hey, maybe he's just really bloated or something, first trimesters are wild.

Poor darling goes to his first scan and the sonographer is like 👀 and even Hob can tell from looking at the screen that his baby is massive. His first thought is "aww yeah big strong baby yay!" But that almost immediately gets taken over by worries. He doesn't need any paternity test to tell that Destruction is definitely the daddy, and of course he doesn't want Dream to be sad or upset. And of course he's wondering how much bigger the kiddo is going to get?!

Of course, Dream soothes him and calms him down. It was always going to be a 50% chance and he's quite content knowing that he can knock Hob up next time. And as for the size of the baby, well, Dream is unashamedly thrilled. He's so excited to see Hob grow bigger and rounder with the life inside him.

Meanwhile Ollie is. Indescribably excited. He carries Hob around the flat for a whole evening, just unable and unwilling to let go of him. And he immediately gets in cahoots with Dream to come with ways to prepare Hob for the birth. Destruction is intimately acquainted with Hob’s cervix already (comes with the territory of having a monster cock); it's time to help him acclimatise to the discomfort of birth a little bit before it hits him all in one go.

The pregnancy itself is surprisingly ok?? Destruction's baby obviously inherited his chilled out nature, because there are no real issues aside for Hob not being able to get up from the sofa without help. Having two boyfriends comes in very handy: one of them can hold his massively gravid belly for him while the other gives him a nice backrub. Poor Hob puts up with so much horniness from his two lovers but he doesn't complain. By 7 months he can't reach his own cunt so it's just as well that they're so enthusiastic to help him out. Having Dream’s entire hand inside him is rather lovely actually - so cool and soothing for his poor aching body.

And oh, after Hob finally delivers their huge, bouncing baby, he's doted on by Ollie and Dream. They both make it quite clear exactly how much they appreciate his post-pregnancy body, soft round tummy and stretch marks and leaking tits. Dream is admittedly rather keen to get his own baby fucked into Hob as soon as possible, but if he's lucky he might get a few months off: sandwiched in between the two Endless with his lovely, perfect baby sleeping soundly in his arms.