#I'm so anxious idk why
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the urge to ask everyone If we're on good terms
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[A sad violin song plays over an image of a sad hamster]
Pac: This doesn't have anything to do with me – I wear a blue sweatshirt, you're crazy, this mouse doesn't even have a sweatshirt, this hamster! [Reading chat] Am I a depressed hamster?
[ Transcript continued ↓ ]*
–
Pac: Actually– that's fine! I embrace that idea – of course I'm going to be depressed, are you crazy? [He hits his desk, then starts counting off people on his fingers] Fit is gone, Richarlyson is gone, Ramon is gone, Bagi and Empanada who were always there when we were there are also gone, I haven't seen them! It's just me and Tubbo, and sometimes Philza shows up.
Pac: I lost Chume Labs, I lost the Favela, I lost Murder Mystery, I lost Ilha Chume Labs, it's crazy! Look at how much I've lost, and I've gained nothing! Of course I'm going to be depressed, are you crazy?! How am I supposed to be happy?!
Pac: [Reading chat] "You have us Pac," that's true, thank you. No, that's true, sorry.
* NOTE: Please note that this is an incomplete transcript, as I was primarily relying on Aypierre's translation mod at the time and if I am not confident of the translation, I do not include it. As always, please feel free to add on translations or message me corrections.
#Pactw#QSMP#Pac#March 18 2024#As much as I love keeping people updated about Pac / the other Portuguese-speaking creators#I think I might not make as many transcribed posts for their clips anymore#I just don't think I'm qualified enough to be transcribing things for a language I don't know#like yeah we have the Qlobal Translator and Aypierre's translators to rely on#And I'm always upfront when I'm not 100% sure about a translation#but I've been thinking about it a lot and it kinda makes me feel a bit icky. Idk.#I might be overthinking this but I just I don't want to spread around translations I'm not super confident about#esp. since I know a lot of people cite my clips in analysis posts or link them to other people as resources#and 90% of the time I'm like ''Hell yeah I love seeing people getting a lot of use out of the archive''#but sometimes I get a bit anxious like ''Did I do a good enough job translating this''#''Am I ruining someone's entire perception of a conversation or character because I left one word out or mistranslated something?''#And like I said that's normally not a HUGE concern since if I'm not certain about a translation I just won't post a clip. but you know#idk it might just be the anxiety talking but I really really don't want to spread bad info#Happy to hear other folks' perspective#I'm really grateful for people like Bell and Pix and others who translate clips and I always try to reblog those#but we don't have a ton of people posting clips & translating things on Tumblr since we're so English-centric#which is part of the reason WHY I like sharing clips of the non-English-speaking CCs#but at the same time I want to do an accurate job representing what they're saying#Maybe I'll just start posting things and give a TLDR context of what they're talking about but not a transcript#that way native-speakers can hop in and add translations if that's something they're comfortable doing#and if not then well. at least I'm not sharing something that isn't super accurate#idk I'm just thinking out loud a bit in the tags#But I'm open to hearing other people's thoughts on the matter#Anyways giant rant aside. q!Pac is NOT doing ok rn
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X-Men! I just love drawing lineups it's so fun and relaxing This is for my AU/Timeline I've put together. at this point it is 1975, but the X-Men don't have their first mission until 1976. I'm planning on drawing the other members of the X-Men and other designs for these guys as they grow and change.
#x men#x men fanart#cyclops#scott summers#jean grey#bobby drake#iceman#warren worthington iii#hank mccoy#Listen it's the 70s that's why bobby's neckline is so low cut#I do NOT know what i'm doing with Hank.. he is my least favorite member of the O5 sorry hank. i just don't know what to do with you.#warren's hair was originally under the hood but he wanted to have flowing hair like jean#bobby IS wearing clothes under that snow.. just not his face or arms.#cause at this point he has learned to turn his extremities to ice but not all of his body.#scott is inuit! cause i saw someone on tik tok be like “scott's visor looks like inuit snow goggles... and he's from alaska..”#warren's wings DON'T fit in a harness under his clothes cause i think that's stupid and a cop out. he can hide them in a backpack#with the back bit cut out tho.#idk if scott has his like “everyday” glasses... i think if he does at this point he's just too anxious to wear them and risk them falling o
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I think I need encouragement about writing buddietommy. I want to write them but I also get really nervous about it, especially since I want to write something for AO3 and idk how people act about it over there and 😭 are people nice about buddietommy over there?
#911 abc#buddietommy#idk why this is making me so nervous#i've written throuples before#i think this fandom just makes me nervous#and i'm an anxious person
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I HEARD YOU HAVE A SONA,,, MAY YOU SHOW MAYHAPS..??? :0
i do have one yes! been having one for a while, mostly based on how i look irl, here's a (really bad and rushed) reference
never really posted about her because i thought no one would be interested HSJKHFJKHDKJEHG but yeag. her name is himawari which basically means sunflower and she wants to be a nurse
#asks#........WHAT DO I TAG THIS#my sona#my art#ms paint#miu himawari#sleepy nurse#<- idk just in case i ever post about her again#whoever this anon is tho THANK YOU FOR ASKING i really appreciate it HKJSFKJDHKJG#my dream job is wanting to be a nurse so i guess that's why she also wants to be one#there's really complicated lore behind her too but i'll leave it at that#i hope you guys like her.........i'm kinda anxious HSKJFHDHGJHEJKG ;w;
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What being insane over Dra does to a mf
#fuck I'm actually considering getting back into discord just to get into the remake server#not sure if I'd actually offer/ask to be a writter for the team but the urge™ to hop there and check things out is CRAZY#tho just thinking about the app still makes me feel shitty. bad experiences there is what made me drop it in the first place#idk. maybe I'll get it again and try it for a bit if i still feel anxious/uneasy by negative association I'll just delete it again#a shame because discord is so wildly used. i feel like i miss out on a lot of stuff because of my brain bring stupid#it's been years why am i still like this#Btw this wasn't anything SERIOUS serious. i was never groomed or worse#it was just a whole mess that stuck to me#hyena ramblings
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"As excited as I am to have everyone see Kathy Bates deliver another incredible performance, I'm excited for people to be introduced- who don't already know how incredible Skye is." (x)
"I am having the time of my life and Jason Ritter keeps me laughing more than any human being on the planet." (x)
#matlock cbs#matlock reboot#jason ritter#skye p. marshall#listen i rarely watch tv and i HATE that the shows i make gifs of are cbs and prime(FUCK them for supporting genocide)#i just love jason skye david and leah in their employed eras#i want them to have multiple seasons and steady jobs#also i love julian and olympia's chemistry and anyone who know me knows i like exes who may or may not still have feelings for each other#i like that they are TRYING to stay civil and friendly and it seems like there is still love there(i see those smiles and stares)#sorry to elijah(he's pretty) but i prefer this trope to secret office romance(but also they were close friends!!!)#i think julian is covering up for his dad and that's why there's been such tension in his in olympia's marriage but idk#also the fact that jason is not credited in the last episode makes me anxious about something happening to him#maybe i'm wrong and julian was the one who unalived the daughter?(i kind of have a jason ritter bias and am HOPING he's not bad)#i love how in sync jason and skye are and how they seem to share similar humor?#conversely julian and elijah also seem in sync and have chemistry#they should just be a throuple /j#whether this is purely a friendship or ends up being a rekindled romance i'm here for it#wait this show has more than 12 episodes? maybe i'm not worried about him after all#i wanted jason and skye to share scenes as soon as i heard they were cast and to have them be somewhat friendly exes is such a gift to me#there was another interview where skye called jason her emotional support human#also love how happy he is for her whenever she says that this is her cinderella moment#the fact that he seems (jokingly)disappointed that julian fumbled olympia is so funny to me#''fumbled that somehow...''#''YOU LET HER GOT AWAY???'' ''i KNOW! i don't know how...''
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#feeling really lonely lately and idk why#i mean i guess this is what 5 years of complete isolation do to ya lol#but yeah... sometimes it hits me that i don't really have friends (my fault obvs) and i just sit here with no idea how to change that lol#cause i have the curse of being ok while i'm alone and feeling incredibly anxious when i'm with people#so i convince myself that i'm better alone#and i am for the most part#but then 5 years since the last time i met someone that wasn't my mom or my brother go by and i go ''hmm... i don't think this is healthy''#and i spiral into a pit of dispair#like i can't believe that my highschool years when i was an absolute emo ''i hate everybody and everybody hates me'' kind of dude#were healthier than now#because i had online friends whom i talked to for hours about just random shit#and i met incredible people in uni but i haven't talked to them in literally i'm gonna say 5 years?#and the fact that they live 3hs away doesn't help but still#and i fully know I'M the problem#cause i isolate myself and i don't text and i don't hang out when they arrange hang outs#(again being 3hs away. relying on public transport and not feeling comfortable going out at night don't help..)#but also i put waaaayyyy too much pressure on this so that doesn't help at all#and i'm waaaay to awkward and self depricating to even attempt to have a meaningful friendship with anyone...#so i'm left here (by my own actions) alone and sad lol#i might be getting my period btw so maybe that's why i want to die today#but yeah... it's been in my head for a while now and i wanted to get it out so i can move the fuck on#if only i could be a normal person... sigh#angel talks#personal
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back to self-analyzing what the fucks going on in my brainium
#txt#i need to go back to a therapist methinks#cuz why am i only now reading about OSDD-1a#bc errrmmmmmmm.........................#i know C-PTSD is very comorbid with dissociative disorders#but like given things ive experienced and struggled with its always felt like there's something More going on idk#idk it's like...i can see OSDD CPTSD or even...BPD i guess#but its just like i dont feel like ONE of those fits me its like i relate to a bit of all three#mostly so CPTSD but thats bc DUH I HAVE CPTSD#my lifes been trauma after trauma there's definitely not simply ONE traumatic event that's defined me#also wondering in another area if it's just adhd autism overlap#or maybe i AM autistic afterall just VERY VERY good at masking it or compensating for it#or if i have the same subcategory of Bipolar a former friend had that commonly gets misdiagnosed as the former two#which is likely bc all my blood relatives have gotten diagnosed with a form of bipolar and im not joking#idk man i just wish i knew wtf is wrong with me and how to like...do something about it but like actually#and not just focus on the depression or anxiety because that's CLEARLY NOT HELPING#yes im depressed and severely anxious but dont u think they might have a ROOT CAUSE#i'm definitely convinced and have been for years that they stem from something else#deeper and more of an issue than anyone trying to study wtfs wrong w me has figured out including me
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interacting with people in the internet is hard man. i don't interact much with the jse community bc i feel like everyone and their mothers and seán are out to get me
#i get anxious i picture the person in the other side of the screen like ugh here comes this nobody#i kinda wanna do egotober but i am............ scared.................#idk why am i like this i used to be so bright so willing to interact#WHAT microtrauma got to me huh#i'm talking!!
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yeah sorry for venting here again but im so fucking stressed out because of school
#usually i like meeting new people but when it happrns here im getting very fucking anxious idk why#also my german skills fucking SUCK. like. I can understand it well#i really can#but when it comes to actually speaking I'm so fucking bad#i wish i wasnt here.........
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Hey, I like you
*shows you my new OC x Canon ship*
Giving Domingo a boyfriend because my dude can't third wheel Nacho and Laura forever! 😭
Solution? Make him date Laura's older brother (aka Sergio/my OC)
The genderfluid urge to make a male self inser OC for myself won and well, here's the result LMAO-
Not really a selfship but a side story/side lore ahshshs
Me building a whole damn side story to Varganardi's life because I can 😌✨
#i hope this makes sense lol#idk why i'm so anxious to post this? 😭#self ship community#oc x canon#f/o x oc#oc x canon community#oc x canon shipping#oc x canon art#self insert oc#oc insert#oc x cc#oc#oc art#s/i oc#fan character
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i think i just need to rewatch lost.
#that will fix me i think.#because i am doing. bad. i know i have not been keeping this a secret but i feel very stuck and i don't really know what to do.#my general anxiety levels are much higher than they usually are and um. i don't really know why. which then just makes it worse.#and i feel so down and hopeless. i can't make myself feel excited about things. i have hardly any motivation#and no energy to do anything even if i did#like yellowjackets s3 starting production and i just don't feel excited about it and it's making me really sad#and I'm getting upset about things that i feel silly for getting upset about and i can't say anything because I'm embarrassed#for being upset in the first place#i feel so incredibly disconnected from everyone around me it's so hard to talk to anyone#I'm running on autopilot most of the time at the moment#and I'm finding it so hard not to push people away. but at the same time i feel so out of place and I'm dissociating a lot so.#idk whay I'm saying with this#i just feel like i need to get stuff out because i feel so anxious i might explode#and with the weather getting warmer a lot of my physical symptoms are flaring up. anf being in this house is so suffocating#i feel like i can inly exist in this perpetual state of fine. can't be any worse can't be any better#I'm just constantly pretending that I'm just Okay because it's easier than having to deal wirh anything else. but i know I'm really just#causing myself more harm.#I'm done now. just trying to relieve some of the pressure i am feeling in my whole entire body.
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I love it when someone is rude/a terrible person and they have a favorite character/artist that I just know that wouldn't like them back
Like, once in my life I met this girl, she was the devil in person but her fav characters were Deku and Todoroki from MHA, and her favorite artists were BTS and Avril Lavigne
Everytime she did something mean to me I just remembered the fact that BTS is one of the groups that most encourages their fandom to be kind, love themselves and respect people
And an evil smile immediately appeared in my face, I always felt 80% better after thinking about this
Life lesson: Always pay attention to the interests of these rude people and laugh to yourself because Ryan Gosling would never support misogynistic comments
#i don't know how to tag this#it's related to that recent discussion I had on the stf fandom btw#there was this rude person and they were arguing about incorrect information of cedric the sorcerer#and I was like “ehehehe he would hate you so bad”#am i evil for saying this?#nah I don't think so#it makes me feel better#i laughed so hard#i'm still upset i'm anxious I hate internet fights :c#idk why do I keep getting involved with them tho#i think it's pride#:c why do I think I can change people's minds
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I'm resuming my story posts tomorrow, and they're going to get pretty dark. I'm not going to tag them as mature but Tumblr might (if for nothing else than for the fact that it hates ladies in lingerie), so if you don't want to miss them, please check that your dashboard settings enable mature content to appear just in case!
I want to give people the chance to opt out if they're afraid of encountering anything uncomfortable, so I've listed the trigger warning tags I'll be using and broadly described the scenario below. Do not read further if you want to avoid spoilers!
The tags I'll be using are blood tw, violence tw, injury tw, nonconsent tw, horror tw, death tw, and dead body tw. One post will be tagged Sim spice. It depicts a romantic encounter that devolves into nonconsensual vampire feeding. There is also a scene of a vampire turning an unconscious victim. Two posts will be tagged with gif warning (though there is no flashing or strobing of any sort).
#idk why i'm so anxious about these scenes in particular#i know most of you are good with the darker aspects#i think it's just because there's a lot more at stake emotionally because it's not just random background characters this time#so it feels like an EXTRA BIG DEAL#also if you feel like additional or different tags are needed at any point for any posts please let me know
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I should not be allowed in social situations
#dru speaks#dru vents#putting this under a read more cause i'm not in a bad mood i just got hit with a wave of sad‚ and it'll be temporary#but yeah. thinking back on stuff. reflecting.#like even around my friends. i've started feeling kinda insecure around even my closest friends#and i think i hurt two different friends of mine's feelings last night :(#i just don't know what i'm doing but i'm trying my best but. i feel like i can't ever get it 100% right and i always get so anxious#i feel like i can't interact like a normal person can. all of my reactions are just a little bit off. which is why i suspected i had autism#idk i just want to loosen up. and i don't want to accidentally hurt people#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh agh. okay </3#i'll be fine guys it's just. agh </3#._.
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