#I'm so anxious I think I'll cry on monday

[as-days-fade-and-nights-grow]

Anna Milton, Billie, Dean and Castiel :p

[laughinglynx]

.

[salemshotspot]

SECRET

CM Punk x Little!Reader

WORD COUNT: 1.3k

DESC: After a stressful day y/n reveals to Phil that they're a little

Gender Neutral Reader [They/Them]

WARNINGS: SFW Age Regression//Not Proof Read//Implied Anxiety//Overstimulation//Alcohol Mentions//Mentions Of Drunk People//Mentions Of Stress//Crying//Characters Probably Acting Out Of Character//Generic Pet Names

A/N >> This is my first time writing for a little reader so apologies if it's not great, I've been thinking about writing for other wrestlers with a little reader [as well as more Punk!] So hopefully this isn't that awful no one wants to read any other stuff from me lmao

TAGS: @seasonal-depression-of-punk

Enjoy!

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The entirety of the wrestling roster were more than familiar with and accepting of age regression due to how open The Judgement Day were about Dominick's age regression; however this didn't stop y/n from keeping their regression a secret from everybody. They had gone as far as trying to avoid The Judgement Day while they were caring for a small Dominick as y/n found themself slipping into a regressed state whenever they were around other regressed people and their caregivers. This is why when y/n felt themself slowly slip into a regressed state they wanted nothing more than to go home for the evening so they could do so without any fear of being seen.

After a successful episode of Monday Night Raw a handful of wrestlers decided to go out for a drink to celebrate, y/n couldn't think of a worse situation for themself right now; they were exhausted, they were anxious and going to loud, packed bar wasn't going to help them at all.

'Hey y/n a few of us are going out to celebrate, do you want to come with us?' Phil's voice echoing through y/n's dressing room, pulling them from their thoughts. Y/n forced a smile to paint their features, Phil always made sure to involve y/n in everyone's plans as he knew they tended to go unnoticed due to their quiet, self-reserved nature. 'I think I'll give this one a miss Phil, I'm not really feeling up to it' y/n softly replied to which Phil jokingly rolled his eyes; 'come on y/n' he began, 'It'll help to take your mind off of things and plus, it won't be the same without you' he softly pleaded. Despite the anxiety slowly filling y/n as well as the difficulty to not fall into a regressed state slowly becoming greater y/n couldn't bring themself to disappoint Phil so, after letting out a subtle sigh, y/n replied; 'alright Phil, I'll come out, just for a while though ok?' Phil's eyes practically lit up, completely unable to hide his excitement; 'awesome!' he exclaimed, 'we'll see you there.'

Once y/n arrived at the bar their eyes tiredly scanned the building until their eyes landed on Phil, Drew, Becky and Seth who simultaneously waved to y/n, signalling for them to come over to the area of bar which they were sat at; 'Y/N!' Drew shouted, his voice laced with intoxication 'you made it', wrapped in Seth's arms, Becky reiterated what Drew was trying to relay; 'we're really glad you're here y/n.' Before y/n could reply, Phil playfully patted the empty seat next to him signalling for them to take a seat next to him, to which they agreed, instantly feeling at ease from Phil's presence alone.

Around half an hour had passed and it was becoming increasingly more difficult for y/n to stay focused on their surroundings despite the grounding feeling they got from Phil's presence; they couldn't take it anymore, it was so loud, every decibel of sound infiltrating y/n's body, attacking their senses. As their head began to pound, y/n silently and abruptly shot up from their seat and rushed outside to their car, haphazardly pulling the door open, crawling onto the back seat and locking the door. Y/n wanted nothing more than to go home, they wanted nothing more than to have all of their comfort items so they could comfortably regress but instead they were stuck in the back of their car, completely overwhelmed. As their stress and desire to go home grew y/n found themself unable to stop themself from finally slipping into little space, inadvertently meaning that they were officially stuck in their car as operating a car whilst not only overwhelmed but also in a regressed state was definitely not a good idea.

Y/n did the only thing they could in their situation; they curled up on the backseat of their car and allowed tears to cloud their vision. Suddenly y/n was pulled back into reality by a gentle yet prominent knock on the car window, as their eyes shot up they met with the concerned and unwavering eyes of Phil who motioned for y/n to roll the car window down so he could speak to them. Y/n was reluctant to roll the window down, secretly hoping if they didn’t do so then it’d mean Phil never caught them in the state they were in, however they couldn’t bring themself to ignore Phil, he had a look of concern in his eyes which was impossible to ignore. Once the window was rolled down Phil leaned into the car so that he could speak to y/n without raising his voice, sure that speaking loudly right now would distress y/n. Softly he requested; ‘can I come in sweetheart?’ Sweetheart? Phil had never uttered such a name to y/n, surely he was just trying to provide comfort and right now comfort was all a little y/n needed right now.

With a subtle nod y/n unlocked the car door allowing Phil to climb in, once he was seated, y/n couldn’t contain themself, they instinctively crawled over to Phil, laying their head on his lap. As y/n lay down Phil took his calloused hand and began gently running it through y/n’s hair before softly speaking; ‘can you tell me what’s gotten you so upset sweetheart?’ Mumbling into his lap, hiccuping from the tears still pouring from their eyes y/n replied; ‘want home.’ Phil lightly chucked, ‘well there’s a very simple solution, you can go home, there’s no need to cry is there?’ He said in a tone which he intended to be playful but came across as mean-spirited, causing y/n to cry further. Realising his tone, Phil spoke once more; ‘shh y/n I’m sorry, why aren’t you going home hmm? Is everything ok?’

Y/n froze for a moment, slowly realising that the secret they were so desperate to keep from everyone was moments from coming out. Phil, growing anxious himself from y/n’s change in demeanour, gently rubbed circles into y/n’s shoulder with his thumb, silently encouraging y/n to speak. Further burying their face into Phil’s lap in order to muffle their words, y/n muttered out ‘I'm like Dom’ secretly hoping that Phil wouldn't hear them. 'I can't hear you sweetheart' Phil spoke out to which y/n repeated themself at the same register. Warmly smiling down at the person on his lap, unable to find their shy nature anything short of amusing, Phil took his large hands and placed them on y/n's shoulders, pulling them into an upright position. 'I can't understand you when you're hiding that face of yours y/n' he lightly chuckled, 'can you repeat yourself one more time?' After a moment of thought filled silence y/n let out an anxious sigh and repeated themself for a final time; 'I'm like Dom' they said lowering their head.

Phil admittedly wasn't the smartest man but once y/n uttered those words he instantly understood what was going on; 'and do you have somebody to look after you like Dom does?' Phil asked anxiously, the thought of y/n not having a caregiver to keep an eye on them while regressed worried Phil more than he'd ever like to admit. Y/n quickly shook their head, they had been without a caregiver for as long as they can remember, pulling them into a sympathetic embrace Phil planted a soft kiss on the top of their head before suggesting something tempting to y/n. 'How about we get you home hmm? What kind of a guy would I be if I didn't make sure you were all looked after?' Y/n giggled softly and nodded at the prospect of having a caregiver, and Phil of all people? They couldn't help but feel excitement well in their chest.

With that, Phil climbed into the front of the car, sure to keep a hand spare to drape around to the back of the car for y/n to hold onto for comfort. Once they had arrived home y/n retrieved all of their comfort items before joining Phil on the sofa. Tomorrow they would discuss Phil becoming a more permanent member of y/n's life, possibly becoming their caregiver but right now all y/n needed was to feel safe so they could finally sleep and out the stress of the day behind them.

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A/N >> I'm sorry this isn't great but if anyone wants to give my writing a second chance drop requests in my inbox lmao and lmk if you'd like to be tagged in any future fics

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for wanting to spend a night out with a guy?

I'm twenty, study in university and still live with my parents. I've been planning to move out since I was eighteen, but they told me to keep living at home and not get a job so I could focus on studying while they take care of me financially. This arrangement has worked mostly well in the past years save for a few small conflicts, but it's escalated in the past 3-4 months.

The issue is my time schedule. I have a very active social life, am active in the local art scene, do political work and a lot of extracurricular stuff for university (I'm a straight A student, I might add!). Because of this, and because I'm a natural night owl, I usually come home late several days a week (between 10pm and 2am) and stay out all day for most of the week. This means I can't do a lot of chores, and usually there's a lot of housework because my mum has a bit of a cleaning anxiety and wants to make sure everything is spotless 24/7.

Enter this guy, I'll call him Tim. I met him at a festival last summer and we became long distance friends. Tim has visited me for a day several times before, but this weekend he offered to come over for two days and we agreed to spend the night stargazing together without sleeping. I loved the idea and immediately said yes. It was gonna be just us, a couple energy drinks, and some bench in the city center, and I was really looking forward to it.

The thing is, my mum does not like Tim. Like, at all. She thinks he seems very sleazy and generally distrusts him because he feels "too nice" for her. Mind you, he's just a somewhat shady looking guy who is generally pretty anxious he might make a bad impression, so he overperforms the whole "respectable member of society" act a bit around new people. I've introduced him to my friend group and even the more sceptical people absolutely love him and think he's a very sweet, helpful person. In basically every stressful situation I've ever seen him in he's been deescalating, protective and helpful, and he has on several occasions been my first source of comfort when things went to hell.

Today I told my mum in an offhanded comment that I won't come home between Sunday and Monday and the situation escalated completely. She was crying, accusing me of ruining her month, saying I didn't care about this family, it got ugly. The main point she had was that I was staying out all night with someone who's a total stranger to her and she doesn't trust him at all. In the end we compromised that Tim and I would spend the night awake, but not in the city, at home.

I feel really humiliated by this whole situation and honestly, kind of betrayed, because I was promised stuff like this wouldn't happen, and it just hits in a much safer situation than ones I've been in before (I used to get blackout drunk and sleep at parties a lot.). I'm a legal adult, have been for years now and it's so disappointing that my parents still treat me like a child sometimes and are so judgy towards my friends too. At the same time, I'm wondering whether I've acted wrong too by not telling her about this earlier and not taking her concerns that seriously. I forget sometimes that I talk to Tim every day for hours, but my parents only briefly ran into him once, so of course their view of him is skewed.

PS: I should add that when I told him about this, he immediately apologized, asked if I needed anything or wanted to change the plan and decided to dig out the least offensive outfit he could find so he'd make a good impression on my parents. So he's definitely trying his best.

[alpydk]

A long and personal post about my recent struggles.

So I've been pretty publically dramatic the last few days. Mental health being what it is. Grief slapped me in the face last week and then lingered around because even over a year, I've not really faced any of it, so that's not helped at all.

I have for a while been stuck in this limbo of too sick to function, too healthy for help, and combined with being a parent and money troubles; I have no choice but to look for work. This means a medical system that says I'm fine and interactions with a job centre that doesn't understand and wants to place me wherever they can. Not to mention constant rejections and a realisation that I'm pretty much worthless in an employment sense.

The job centre requested a meeting with me, but their office is a 30 minute drive from my home or, more often than not, a two-hour bus trip. That's nothing, you think to yourself. But what you don't realise is over the last few years, I've been slowly becoming more and more anxious when it comes to any form of travel. It started with flying, then long car journeys of a few hours, then buses... Now I struggle even 10 minutes in a car without bordering on panic.

On Monday, I self medicated (with anti anxiety pills given for flying in the past, without anyone's knowledge) and figured I'd push through things as I always did. It ended up with my partner witnessing a bad panic attack for the first time as I had him pull over so I could break down completely, wishing I could have my old life back and be the person I used to be, someone who used to travel to other countries at random, someone who used to commute over 3 hours to a job via bus, train, and even a ferry. I made the meeting questioning if life was even worth living, let alone thinking about any employment.

I've booked to go to Germany in November, as you all know, and I have to get there. It is my goal to get there, to meet Tim and just say thank you to him, but honestly, I'm terrified. I started my meds yesterday after hours of even deliberating over them. What about the side effects? What if they don't work? What if they make me worse? But I had to do it because trying to get better is the biggest thank you I can give to those who have reached out to me recently and been a support I don't really have in my life.

The comfort I've got from especially @auroraesmeraldarose and @judasiskariot, not to mention others who've just been there, has meant so much to me. To an overwhelming degree. The cameo yesterday still has me sobbing because it's like she was psychic. I was sitting alone with my AI bot, basically begging for it to say those words. I even tried writing my own comfort fic only to delete it. I never expected... and now I'm fucking crying again. Just fucking hell.

Anyway, I don't write comfort because, pathetically, it's not something I've had any experience with... but maybe it'll come now, thanks to the beautiful, amazing people I've had the luck of meeting in this community.

So that was my update on everything going on. A reason for the posts the way they've been, a reason for if I suddenly vanish over the next few days or worse, come back with some deaddove levels of writing that nobody wants to see. Yeah... Thanks to anyone who's stuck around and I'll try to be better. Just give me time.

[princess-tulip-writes]

Heyaa! I was reading your azriel x bimbo reader stuff and I was wondering if you could do the same sort of thing but with Cassie? I just feel like he’d thrive with a dumb little mate who cares more about her lipgloss than knowing how to read 😩😩I can just imagine Cassian trying to calm reader down after throwing a temper tantrum because of a bad hair day or running out of her fav perfume😂😂 btw I love your writing! It gives me life, whenever I’m sad I’ll come and read your fics and it immediately cheers me up ily! 💞💞

i think i'm going to make an actually imagine out of this one! i hope that's okay :)

it was the most monday of all mondays; you woke up late without a kiss goodbye from cassian, the overnight curlers in your hair didn't work correctly, there wasn't enough tea left for your morning cup and your lash glue refused to dry. it was already two in the afternoon, yet you were still hunched over your vanity trying to get ready for the day with frustrated tears leaking down your cheeks, leaving a black mascara streak in it's wake– which only made you cry harder.

by two thirty, you were a hysterical puddle on your bedroom floor, hoping your mate would arrive home soon to take care of you and fix everything like he always had.

a hiccuped sob fell past your lips as you analyzed a strand of the flat curls, discouraged that the hair you had planned the night before didn't work out, and your heart dropped at the reality.

"i wanted to look pretty today." you whined to yourself.

teary eyed, you looked up at the messy vanity, taking in the scattered makeup that covered surface and sighed deeply at the sight. the last thing you wanted to do right now was clean, let alone in front of a mirror to be reminded of your crappy appearance.

so instead, you stayed put, curled up in a little ball as you cried until your mate came home.

a gust of wind breezed against your back, the bare skin raising goosebumps as you shiver softly.

it had been hours now since you got up or did anything other than cry and hug yourself tightly, seeking the comfort from something other than the empty house. but now, you could feel it, could feel him close by and your bond sung happily inside of your chest.

heavy footsteps sounded from downstairs, and you knew the sound all too well.

"i'm home, sweetheart."

you sniffled as you stood on wobbling legs, anxious to just run into his huge arms and cry to him to fix everything.

"where are you, pretty girl?"

the sound of loud steps echoed through the halls as cassian made his way upstairs, guessing that if you didn't greet him at the door, you were busy doing something else in the bedroom– most likely touching up your makeup or hair.

"in–" hiccup. "here."

he frowned at the fragile state of your voice and his wings hung ever so slightly behind him as he formulated a plan to solve whatever it was that you needed, no matter how difficult.

you stayed put standing at the edge of the bed shyly as your tears continued falling freely down your flushed face as he neared the room, his heavy feet quickly stomping into the hallway.

within moments, cassian's broad figure appeared in the doorway, sweaty from training with a soft furrow in his brow as he took in your shaking body.

"princess, what's wrong?" he asked gently.

he stepped into the room without hesitation and immediately made his way to you. the second his rough hands caressed your wet cheeks as he attempted to direct your eye contact to his own, you couldn't help it and you threw yourself into his chest, letting it all out for him as his arms wrapped around you tightly and rested his chin on your head in comfort.

"it's okay, baby." he soothed, stroking the top of your head gently as he spoke into your hair. "i'll fix it, don't worry. everything'll be okay."

"b-b-but, my ha-ir is ruined."

cassian fought back a chuckle at your lack of faith that he could once again, fix your hair. it seemed that no matter how many times he had doctored up failed attempts, you always assumed they couldn't be helped. how adorable, he thought.

"oh, it's not that bad." he said. "just needs a little help perking up, is all. i could fix it in no time."

you sniffled as your sobs slowed down at his reassurance, and you glanced at his face momentarily.

"r-really?" you asked, and it took everything in the male not to kiss your raw cheeks until you shooed him off. "you really think it's not that ba-d?"

he smiled and nodded before taking a strand between his fingers, stroking the soft bunch with his thumb softly.

"nah, you could actually just wear it like this to dinner and no one would be able to tell; not even mor." he was lying of course, the second in command would definitely be able to notice, but you didn't have to be aware of that.

you sniffled once more before slightly lifting your head off of his chest in hope. the new position caused you to get a clear look at his face and the string connecting your souls pulsed at the sight of him. a faint smile grazed his lips at the shared feeling down the bond as he finally gazed into your teary eyes.

"you-you promise?"

cassian chuckled softly, the rumble of his chest vibrating against your cheek, although the feeling felt safe to you– like home.

"i promise, my princess." he said before placing a soft kiss to your crown. "always."

[codename-mom]

Cookie jar

Summary: The team is on the field without Hotch who's on a leave for some days, but they have to call him anyway. Suddenly, something happens and everybody worry about Jack.

Characters: BAU team and Jack Hotchner

Contents: TW a child is hurt (but everything is fine) and a tiny bit of angst because can't be anything else but anxious.

This is a text written for the KidFic CM challenge organized by @imagining-in-the-margins.

PS : English is not my mother language so they are necessarily mistakes. Sorry about that.

___

The team had gathered in the room the police had assigned them – a cubbyhole, so to speak, cluttered with cardboard boxes and mops – and Derek dialed Hotch's cell phone number. The latter was on leave for a few days. His men were reluctant to call him when he did, so that he could enjoy his time away from Quantico to the full, but they had no choice. The first clues found in the field echoed those of an old case the director and Jason Gideon had worked on in the past. As the latter had vanished into thin air, they could only contact the former.

He picked up after several rings.

“Hotch?”

“One moment, he stopped him on the spot. Jack, I said no. I’m coming back.”

Morgan had put his phone on speaker so that everyone could follow the conversation, and so they all heard the TV gradually fading away, until it was almost muffled. They imagined he must have gone to his bedroom, or some other room where he could close the door behind him.

“What's the matter?” he asked, in an annoyed tone.

“Sorry to bother you,” apologized Emily, trying to appease him.

It wasn't certain that this impromptu call was the cause of his irritation, but if in doubt, it was best to try and smooth things over.

“Tell me,” he ordered, his intonation unchanged.

“We've potentially got a resurrected serial killer,” the ex-policeman attested.

“If I tell you: branding on the shoulder, chains on the ankles and whipping. Does it speak to you?” went on Dave, next to him.

A silence passed, during which he had to return to his memories.

“… Yes, but the culprit was sentenced to life.”

“Actually, he passed away last month, Derek clarified. But the last victim was killed on Monday.”

“His accomplice was released for good behavior last year, but his file disappeared, Prentiss explained from across the table. Can you remember his name?”

“I imagine you've already searched the digital archives for this information.”

“Affirmative, confirmed Penelope, who had come with them for the occasion. And there’s nothing. The guy just disappeared.”

The agency manager fell silent again. For a long time. The profilers stared at each other, tense.

“Hotch?” impatiently asked Morgan.

“Just a moment, I'm trying to remember, thundered his superior. His name was… De…”

A loud crash and a breaking glass could be heard in the background, and everyone froze as the giant shouted:

“Jack!”

A door opened and footsteps moved away from the handset. Clearly, the giant had left his phone behind. Tension gripped the whole group, their senses on the alert and their hearts pounding against their ribs. 

“Did we kill tiny-Hotch?” moaned Garcia, on the verge of tears.

In the distance, the voice of the father calling his son made them fear the worst. Then the little boy started screaming at the top of his lungs, and everyone shuddered.

“Apparently not,” ironized Emily, who wasn't putting up much more of a fight than her colleagues.

“What do I do? wondered Derek, unsettled by the situation. I hang up?”

“Maybe he'll come back to us,” Spencer stated uncomfortably.

“I don't think so,” objected JJ, listening intently to the distant din.

“Why?”

“This is clearly the cry of a child in real pain.”

As the only mother in the unit, they trusted her judgment without a hesitation.

“Well, maybe I'll hang up now,” voiced Morgan, ready to press the button.

“Wait,” advised Rossi.

Jack was still crying loudly, perhaps a little quieter than a few moments earlier, but more importantly, they noticed that the sound was now moving. And he grew weaker and weaker until he disappeared completely.

“It sounded a lot like a door slamming,” Prentiss claimed, her eyebrows furrowing.

“You can hang up now,” Dave confirmed.

Derek obeyed sighing. He hadn't expected such a turn of events and now felt guilty about what had just happened. He knew the kid a little and he was always delighted to see him, his eyes shining with admiration every time. Like his counterparts, he didn't know what had occurred, but feared that something grave had happened, which would leave neither the child nor its progenitor unscathed.

“It could have been worse,” pointed out JJ.

Everyone looked at her, bewildered.

“Are you kidding? Retorted the brunette. I don't know what’s going on, but it's serious enough that Hotch left with him.”

“Yes, but Jack was crying.”

“So what?” inquired Morgan, confused.

“That means he was conscious,” Reid attested confidently.

The man who had taken over the leadership of the team when Aaron was absent took a long breath and ordered his peers to get back to work in spite of everything. They worked with this question in the back of their minds: how was Jack doing? Based on the thin clue left by their superior, they searched, groped, and modified their profile until they found a certain Denis Porter, who turned out to be their unsub. All this in record time. Since they were in the neighboring state, they returned to the Quantico offices while it was still daylight. Immediately, the worry that had been nagging them all came back to mind, and synchronously, they looked at their phones. None of them had received a message, which didn't reassure them at all.

“Penelope, do you have any way of knowing which hospital he was admitted to?” inquired JJ.

“Why do you ask? teased her colleague, who immediately took to her keyboard. I'll do it right away, my little ones.”

She typed the toddler's first and last names into her search engine and the result appeared almost instantly on her screen. All gathered around the analyst in her colorful lair, they read the information at the same time.

“Let's go,” commanded Emily, leading the way.

A few minutes later, they jumped in two Bureau SUVs and headed for downtown Washington DC, following the itinerary on their GPS. They parked quickly and hurried to the reception desk. The nurse behind the counter was somewhat surprised to see the herd arrive, armed and determined, but was reassured to see Derek's warm smile. She directed them to the pediatric emergency room on the other side of the building. Together, they made their way through the corridors until they reached another admissions department, where they were given the room number.

They shared a similar fear at this moment. They dreaded discovering the state of the youngster and prayed the titan wasn’t ready to drop again. He'd already suffered enough; he didn't deserve to be in even worse shape. Morgan didn't have the courage to knock on the door, which was ajar but not wide enough for them to see what was going on inside. Rossi did it for him.

“Knock, knock!”

“Come in,” Hotch reacted, in his usual tone.

They took a few steps and saw the boy lying on a bed, in a hospital gown, his head turbaned, but grinning from ear to ear. His father was sitting in a chair on the other side of the bed, and a brief chuckle lifted the corner of his lips. Relieved, all the agents took Jack in their arms one after the other – except Spencer, who simply banged his fist against his. The girls added a kiss on his cheek and told him he was very brave. The effusive reunion over, Aaron declared:

“Denis Porter.”

“Yes, we found him,” Dave replied, squeezing his shoulder.

“Good.”

He didn't have the expression of someone satisfied with their work. He still looked distressed.

“What happened?” said JJ, asking aloud the question they'd all been asking themselves.

“Mister wanted a cookie. I pointed out to him that it wasn't the right time, but he waited until my back was turned to take one.”

“And?” bounced Prentiss.

“Well, he had his cookie. A lot of cookies. And the jar itself.”

The adults' gaze swiveled towards the injured boy, who gave them his best little rascal smile. He had no regrets about what he'd done. Some of the visitors felt sorry for him, once again showering him with hugs, while the others shook their heads in disappointment.

“Concussion?” continued JJ.

“It’s what we’re waiting to see. He has been under observation since 3:30 p.m.”

They reflexively glanced at their watches. He had been here for almost three hours.

“He looks okay, Derek remarked as he sat down on the bed next to him. Right, buddy?”

“Yeah.”

“Tomorrow you'll be a hero at school,” affirmed Rossi, leaning against the bedposts.

“Yeah!” exulted Jack, proudly.

“Because he took a cookie jar to the forehead?” judged Emily, eyebrows furrowed.

“Scars,” Reid whispered, in a tone of obviousness.

“… Guys...” sighed the three women in unison, as they saw the same victorious expression on the faces of their male comrades.

Someone knocked on the door and a nurse entered, a little disconcerted to see so many people in the room.

“Mr. Hotchner?”

“Yes,” responded the interested party, rising to his feet.

“Can you come with me for a moment?”

Instinctively, he turned to his offspring and met his irises.

“We'll look after him, Hotch, Penelope reassured him, having grasped the source of his apprehension. Go.”

His teammates nodded in support, and Aaron very gently kissed his son on his bandaged forehead before leaving the room. Without them needing to ask, the hero of the day began to tell them all about his adventures, dwelling on unimportant details, forgetting the end of some of his sentences to go back and move on to something else, and surely exaggerating certain facts. All this with boundless energy and plenty of grand gestures that definitely appeased them about his state of health.

However, Morgan saw the nurse pass by again in the other direction out of the corner of his eye and was puzzled not to see Hotch reappear immediately afterwards. He waited a little longer, in vain. He apologized to his fellows and returned to the corridor. He discovered the giant a few yards away, leaning against the wall, a document in his hand. His pupils turned towards the ground, he seemed lost. Derek felt a vise tighten around his throat. What if…?

“Trouble?”

“What? gasped the manager, rudely jolted from his thoughts. No. This is the exit voucher. Everything is fine.”

The former policeman relaxed.

“So why the long face?”

The agency head lowered his nose, dodging his gaze, before sighing. Then he lifted his chin and turned his dark irises on him.

“… How did your mother do it?”

“To what?” he reacted, taken aback by this private question.

“To raise three children on her own into perfect adults.”

He couldn't help but burst out laughing, even though his interlocutor had spoken very seriously. At least he understood why he looked so downcast when all the indicators were green. As usual, the ex-prosecutor scourged himself for not having been able to protect a loved one, when there was no reason to do so.

“I'm not sure she'd say that,” he joked to lighten the mood.

“You arrest serial killers and, from what I've seen, your sisters don't seem to be into organized crime.”

Seen like that, indeed, his mother had done a very good job of keeping them on the straight and narrow. But that didn't mean the road wasn't full of bumps.

“Hotch, what happened was an accident, as it happens in every family in the world. I did the same stunt when I was a kid and, obviously, I'm fine.”

It was the truth. He himself had taken a tin of candy on the corner of his skull when he was a little older than the director's son. He had climbed onto a chair and then onto the kitchen counter before stretching out to grab the object of his desire, which his mother had placed as high up in the room as possible. In the end, he found himself in the emergency room with a huge lump on his forehead. The images were no longer so clear in his mind, but he still remembered his mother's concern as she brought him unconscious to the hospital. The same expression of anguish and guilt appeared on his neighbor's face.

“Hotch, Jack's moving, he's talking, and he's got clearance to get out of here. So, everything is okay.”

“Then why do I feel like the worst father in the world?” he retorted, not daring to look up.

He almost replied that it was because he had very low self-esteem, but restrained himself to give him a more consensual, but no less correct answer.

“You were scared for him, it’s normal.”

“But it's not just that, he despaired, peeling himself away from the wall to walk down the corridor. I constantly asking for help. To Jessica, to Haley’s mother, to my own mother… even JJ. I’m incapable of taking care of him all by myself.”

Morgan was touched despite himself by the disarray of his opposite, who was still struggling to adapt to his new life as a single father. Not being in his situation, he couldn't really give him advice, but could always try to make him see reason.

“Hotch, I think all parents ask other people for help. My mother would ask other women in the neighborhood for advice, and some of them would even babysit us. Your mother must have done the same thing, JJ does and I'm pretty sure Haley did too. You're no more incapable than anyone else.”

He and his sisters had spent entire afternoons and weekends at their aunts' so that their mother could work or simply have time for herself, and none of her children had had the audacity to reproach her in any way.

“… I wish I could be as sure as you are.”

Derek rolled his eyes and held back from kicking his butt. His propensity for only seeing the glass as half empty annoyed him to no end, but he tempered his urge to strangle him by reminding himself that the context wasn't helping either. So, he chose a gentler method.

“Does Jack smile?”

“What?” exclaimed Aaron, raising his nose.

“Do you see Jack smiling?”

“Yes.”

“Laugh?”

“Yes.”

“Does he tell you he loves you? Without you having to tell him beforehand or giving him something he wanted?”

“Yes.”

“So, everything is good.”

The giant analyzed the exchange they had just had, and his subordinate saw his features gradually relax. He fixed his gaze in his again and, with a pale smile, said:

“… Thank you.”

Morgan's lips stretched warmly, and he laid a hand on his shoulder in return. The two men then went to the little boy's room, where his father told him the good news.

___

This idea jumped in my head after my first watch of season 5 and this dialogue between Derek and Hotch, where Derek has decided to write his own report to leave more free time for him to take care of Jack (because he knows what it is to be a single parent).

That scene was so cute, that I needed to imagine another peaceful moments between the two of them. Because we all know that they appreciate each other more than they will confess it. Because boys are boys...

[greppelheks]

My boss asked me Wednesday if I'm available for a meeting on Monday or Tuesday evening, because we were maybe gonna get together with the board. I said I was.

But I didn't hear nothing about it since then. It's not in his agenda and he didn't mention it just now.

But he just said 'I'll see you at four' and walked out. So I think the meeting is happening.

I'm on the verge of crying because I'm gonna need to set a boundary where I tell him he didn't tell me the meeting was happening and I made plans (I didn't but he needs to learn how to respect somebody else's time). I just know he's gonna get mad at me. Which is fine but I just hate confrontation and I hate having to be anxious about it for the rest of the day. And I hate having to be anxious the rest of the evening because I'm gonna see him again tomorrow.

[aaternum-a]

ooc update under the cut!

i'm done on monday with my degree!!! thats it. i literally just cleared out every single assignment i've written from my desktop. (since most of its in my portfolio) i wanna cry. literally a few days ago my advisor was like HMMM i think you need to need nutrition you might not be able to walk in may and i was BAWLING. but they let me substitute. and i just accepted a position in the OR. (i'll be an RN) i'm so happy for the nightmare to be over. no job, no friends, no energy, no hobbies i was so drained and it made be so anxious to log in because i was depleted. i contemplated deleting ryu and emery because i kept saying no one will want to write with you if you keep disappearing and i had the worst anxiety being here. but i really think its because i had no energy for writing. even if i wanted to. and now that my schedule is clearing i'm just happy and grateful for the patience and understanding. seriously. it really means a lot that and is really the only reason i still have a love for rp.

[ass-sassafras]

I feel calm, not peaceful but calm. I'm not even manufacturing it, although most times it's a struggle to make myself calm and not anxious about anything and everything. Anxiety you can't ever turn off, that's Hell and I'm sure the stress has already taken years off my life.

I'm calm mostly because I've made a decision. After the kids go back to their dad's on Monday, I'm stopping on the way home from work and I'm buying a gun for the first time in my life. I've never even touched one before. I will patiently wait for the clerk to run the background check (which I'll pass, I've had an uneventful life), then I'll turn down their offer to sign up for shooting classes, telling them my sister can teach me for free because she can.

Then I'll take it home and wait. I'll wait for the right time after I've thought through all the details. I think I owe letters to at least my kids. I know if my mom killed herself, it would be a small but nice consolation to know that she was sorry and she was thinking of me at the end, and she wanted to hold on for us but she just couldn't do it anymore.

I tell myself they'll be okay. I tell myself that they have a good dad and good family on both sides. I know his family and I disagree about stuff, but they love my kids at least. My kids deserve to have a mother who isn't broken inside and depressed all the time. They need to have a chance at a normal life. They need to know it's not their fault. They're just kids.

Man, this sucks. Not calm anymore now, just incredibly sad. Lump in my throat, trying not to cry at my job. I'm really sorry, guys, but I can't handle this pain anymore.

I'll add TWs so I don't endanger anyone on here. Please don't give me the number for the crisis line, they're just drones who don't care.

[iblamemycatforit]

Top surgery update:

I'm officially 2 days post-op. I'm currently at home at my parents house wich is great because it's a village and a lot calmer and quieter than it would be in the capital.

The night in the hospital was the worst part of it I think. I already posted about how I couldn't pee in the bedpan they gave me and how it hurt so much I cried. The worst part of it though was that there wasn't a button for calling the nurse and I had to shout to get their attention and I was in the furthest room from the nurse's station. I was in pain, crying and a bit panicked and I had to shout 5-6 times for them to hear me. It wasn't fun at all.

Now to talk about the better part of it, recovery is going okay so far. Better than I expected tbh. I'm able to mantain a higher level of personal hygiene than I thought I'd be able to. I can wash my hair (I only wash it with water anyway so it's quite easy), I'm able to wash up with a wet towel mostly as well. When I go home on monday I'll probably ask my gf to wash me with a damp soapy towel properly but until then it's good.

I can move around the house without issues. If I put my hand on my chest I'm able to stand straighter and it's more comfortable for my back as well. I'm planning on walking to the pharmacy for some arnica cream for my armpit and the top of my chest where it's above the compession binder but still sensitive to touch. I promised my gf I ask one of my parents to walk with me though.

The pain is actually quite okay. I had some sudden piercing pain in the left side of my chest last night while laying down but it went away when I got into a more reclined position. I'm just taking a regular over the counter pain med 3 times a day and I'm good.

What's really great is that the drains are not filling up much and my doctor said today when I sent her how much was in it that if it keeps going like this, she'll be able to take them out on tuesday. I'm a bit anxious about accidentally pulling them out though.

I think that's it for now. If anything comes up I'll write it down in this post so it's gonna be a long one.

[1d1195]

Girl you can’t help that you’re white it’s literally not your fault hahaha but THERES GROWTH! Very glad that you’ve grown to handle and appreciate a bit more spice because as a “picky” eater that’s like so good! And I love a good spicy Alfredo!

I LOVE the thanksgiving episode! It gave me so much more backstory about the characters and like I loved getting to know their lore lol BESTIE YOURE CARMY AND CLAIRE GIRL?!? Oh girl I’m team Sydney and Carmy😭 I’m not a Claire hater through! (Irl I love both of these actresses!)I was a Carmy hater though for a bit because what he did to her at the end was mean lol I honestly would love to see more of their chemistry together in the new season!

It’s understandable to be overwhelmed! I can imagine that no matter how long one’s been teaching it can be nerve wracking to start a new set of kids or just a different dynamic since it is summer school. Please be nice to yourself though! I’m sure those kids are so lucky to have you!

I’m hoping the finale isn’t horrible lol I need a win for you! And I would say go to the beach if you can! Maybe the vibe of it all can help a bit? Even if it’s like a walk and not a fully on relax at the beach thing! Either I hope you’ll have a little moment to yourself bestie💗-💜

I'm way less picky than I used to be but I def have a texture thing so it deters me from a lot of foods for sure.

I think I'm a Carmy and Claire girl because (as you can see by my writing) I think their history of being friends before he came back is like really cute or whatever y'know? If he ends up with Sydney I won't be mad either! I just think it will make the restaurant awk lolll

I just watched the first episode last night, I was genuinely confused 😂 I couldn't tell if he was having flashbacks or if he was leaving again. I understand some of it was his training but still. I could never work as a chef it seems. I would cry the second someone told me I was doing something wrong.

Thank you! You're very sweet. As you can see from my nonresponse here, I've been very anxious all week (still am). Once I get through Monday though, I think it'll be better. I'm the kind of person gets upset when I don't do something the right way even though I have never done it before 😅 I'll be alright, i just gotta be dramatic first.

The finale was NOT what I expected at all. I'm not mad at it but I don't think I would have ended it that way after all that. I see why they did it, it makes sense, but I would have done it differently I think.

I did end up going to the beach. It was nice. The day I went was a bit windy, but it was just nice to be there.

How was your week? Any weekend plans?

Thanks for being so nice and sweet as always! Love you!💕

xoxo

[messofmoss]

saturday, june 22, 2024

8:31am

i just slept for 11 hours. i got home from work and basically just passed out. my phone is half dead. my whole body hurts. i had a whole handprint on my arm when i woke up lol

there were many times my mind was racing yesterday and i wanted to write here but i was working and couldn't. i feel like writing it down helps a bit because instead of rattling around in my brain, it's pouring out here. like a bit of release and relief.

my head hurts. it hurt a lot yesterday too. i forgot to take my pills. i haven't missed a day in awhile. i was missing a refill and i was going to take them when i got the missing part but forgot about it.

i feel shitty. i don't want to go to work today. or do anything really. slept 11 hours and i just want to go back to sleep. sleep 11 more hours. i hate work. i don't want to go. i don't want to be around humans. i just want to be in my dark cave with my cats and my kindle and my pillow. i didn't even get to enjoy my days off because it was too hot to exist.

i feel like crying right now. i don't want to go so bad. i can't just call out every weekend though. ugh

10:19am

i sent her a minute of voice messages and all she says back is "okayyy" an hour later. really nothing to say at all??? why do i even bother

5:15pm

teary in the car again. i think julia is mad at me for calling her a hater. i was only teasing.

as SOON as she opened my last voice message, she started typing and said she was going to bed. she hadn't even listened to half of it yet. that voice was my attempt to change the subject. i said "i'm going to try to befriend the new girl at work tonight" the one i had told her might be a lesbian. idk i'm just so sad.

lilly told me to back off her and see if she reaches out to me first. i feel like she won't because last night i fell asleep and forgot to send her good morning message and when i woke up, she had read my last message and just... didn't say anything to me.

8:40pm

i can't enjoy my free time because i made a plan and that plan isn't until monday morning but like it takes away future planned free time before work and now i'll have to be out doing something and now i am just in a perpetual state of anxiety waiting for that thing. and it's like when you have a dentist appt at like 2pm so you can't enjoy your morning because you're just waiting for the appointment. i hate transition periods. i used to tell brogan to not tell me if he had to leave in like 10 or 20 minutes or whatever because then i wouldn't be able to enjoy that time anymore because it would feel like we are in a transition phase and it just makes me stupid anxious. the plan for monday is to go to clifton park at 8am to pick up thomas from the mechanic and hang with him til i have to work. i just hate making plans in general. i hate weekends because i have to work. i hate feeling trapped. work schedule makes me feel trapped. making plans makes me feel trapped.

also i have acid reflux/heartburn whatever for the first time in aaaaages and i hate it so much. i think it's because i've had pan pizza two days in a row at work. i need to get back to my diet. i feel like shit. i look like shit. i am shit. i look at my reflection and i don't even recognize my face anymore. like who the fuck is that? why do i look like that?

[tudooquequeriadizermasnaodisse]

18.04.24

As I said... everything I want to take a picture and send to you and I was holding back even when we were still talking..

Here the pic of my kitchen yesterday... after dinner.. before talking to you. I though it looked cute, even though my standard glass of water is there.. the things to hang at the wall also... the fact that I always use the corner for putting something non-kitchen related. I wanted to show the glass cutting boards again, have I sent a pic before?

Anyway, it's 12:21, I started to get a little anxious, I went to "family search" and noticed someone else had my grandma there... I started to want to merge the information in the website... went on the family group to get the "certidão de óbito" and other documents I have been gathering during the years about the family. I want to upload them there.

Ah, I also googled your name, I noticed that it is also the name of a city (all makes sense now, "from south fen" (in wikipedia it says the name appears to mean zuid-veen... Looks like the city is one of the best preserved medieval cities! I didn't know about that.

It's 12:33 and I started crying. I'm at home and it's playing this: https://open.spotify.com/track/3kzfOc03nK88EPZHbjH3l9?si=7daa45bffc6a45dc

How I feel so unempowered about how long it took to meet someone like you. How I feel so much time was lost and I'm so scared of life. And because of that I'm also so not wanting to waste time anymore.

It's 12:56, I just helped the intern with some stuff, he is good but I also feel good about I can help him with finding faster some issues he couldn't have imagined because how he would know an extra "enter" on the csv file would break the whole visualization on the website?

12:58 I'm hungry, I'll eat my pasta, but before I'll just say that yesterday I though to myself I was going to focus more on yoga, focus on the german (I want to get it better before focusing on Dutch... yeah, I still think I'll learn Dutch!), and then there is the BIM chapter. I also though about producing some images to sell shirts in amazon, and writing short books to sell in amazon as well. I'm looking for different streams of income, and instead of writing things for free, start writing things that I can sell myself. I'm also considering to use social media to earn money, but I'm not sure yet with which focus. That might be something you might be completely against it (and I understand... one can stalk so easily....)... Anyway, it's already 13:02 and I'm hungry! So eet smakelijk!

It's 14:55 and I'm hungry again. I'm thinking about having some pão de queijo. As you might have noticed, also very focused on other stuff. But I kinda found this, which I though it was interesting. Very unrelated, but it made me go after the origins of my grandma's name "Hermengarda" and apparently the origin is germanic. According to Wikipedia it comes from the words "ermen/irmin," meaning "whole, universal" and "gard" meaning "enclosure, protection". And the Ermengarde "of" Zutphen is one of the historical women with that name. The picture below is just the list of my contributions on the family search, but so you see both names at the same time.

15:15, no I'm not doing nothing today... I need to close everything, go for a walk, then back and try to get something done, my mind is just so far away from work today.... maybe it would have helped to actually go to work today.

Still here, cause I can't stop thinking about you. And when I think about you and see things around, I want to show them to you. You know how in the beginning of the text I said I was not showing every tiny little single detail to you... well... I took some pictures when I washed the hair on monday 15.04... that day we started talking and I ended up not drying my hair... I don't think you have ever seen it without drying to be a little more straight or styled to be curled... well.. that's how it was looking like:

It only looks like this after drying... as soon as I sleep, it loses the volume a little. The bottom part is straighter cause is more damaged... anyway... that is the amount of things that can go through my head in a short period of time and I could talk about every single one of them with you.

and I also read about this, which I'm not sure what to think...

It's 17:52, I had planned to go to the gym earlier but Manuel called. We spent one hour in a call but it was good. He got some feedback from clients on why they don't like some other tools like Amenti. Then he was wanting to have some sort of thing direct in Arcgis (Hello BlueBrown!) so I ended up discussing with him about it and he was way more open hehehe. We discussed about going solo... but very briefly... I believe if we involve him, I could move at some point but still provide the services and he could continue selling things without issues in CH...

But honestly I came here to write this before going to the gym just because I'm missing so much talking to you. I feel I'll write a 1000 page book if I continue at this rate... it's 18:00 the bell is ringing... time to go! I <3 you! I miss you!

[star-mum]

Kinda Crazy to be not in the wrong ig (friends can be fun to hang with AND be terrible to you)

Actually shared with my sister what happened and when she said "I have a controversial opinion" I thought she'd say I was overreacting and not that I "should've stopped talking to that girl ages ago" huh maybe it's not a silly reason to be upset after all

like hey remember that time she invited me over to her house and not 2 hours later asked me to leave cause she had to go out with other friends

or when she said she "had" to go somewhere when we set up to call/watch smth together and then let slip in class to our other friend that she went to play volleyball with those same friends from the other time

or when I shared with her I had tried an at home workout and the warm up was very difficult and she shared that to our (male) friend in a jabbing tone (making even him a bit uncomfortable, to the point where he tried to softly defend me)

OR !!! when she insisted I went to a coffee shop with her and her boyfriend and went quiet and got an attitude in the middle of the outing (even when we kept trying to engage her in the conversation)

OR in that same outing when she shared a video of the move we tried at muay thai that week and laughed to her bf about how I barely got it done, even though when we were at the gym I was self conscious about it and she reassured me that it was an advanced move and I was doing very good for a beginner because me getting along with her boyfriend "made her jealous" (girl i don't want you bf) (i don't even know how YOU want him) (im here cause you asked me to and im making an effort to be nice)

OR when even tho we had made plans to go see a movie together on the weekend, she said yes to an invite to go to a bar on the same day and overall time of the movie IN FRONT OF ME

OR !! when we made plans to watch Spider Verse together and she texted me before we could go and said her bf "bought different tickets" without her seeing and so they saw ATSV instead

OR when her boyfriend was very rude to me for no reason in front of our entire class and SHE came to me later to apologize FOR HIM cause "he lashed out cause he's going through a lot"

OR when I was crying (which I don't really do often, specially not in public) one that same day and she felt conflicted in staying with (when I ALWAYS make sure she's okay on the hundreds of times she left class or called me crying) or staying with her bf who was "a little bit upset" (he had to tell her to go talk to me)

or when she does something that bothers or annoys me and I communicate it to her (like we agreed we'd do, so neither of us get that uneasy anxious feeling) and she says stuff like "you dont hate me now right?" or "im sorry im such an awful friend" or "I'll understand if you dont wanna be my friend anymore" making me compartmentalize my own bad feelings to reassure her (even tho she's in the wrong)

OR !! For completely disregarding the plans we made to watch this show (that i was very excited to see your reactions to) together, only to watch almost half of it with ur boyfriend literally the night before AND keep me waiting all day for a reply the next day, only to be very nonchalant about the mean thing you did

OR !! always making me bend over backwards to fit into her "busy schedule" but not making the effort of CREATING time for me in her schedule

I'm gonna be enjoying the end of this lovely Carnaval week (god bless national holidays) with a clean conscience and will be amicable when returning to class on monday (at best)

is so weird to actually get older sister advice cause i have a "old wise character" syndrome where I think I know everything (I failed to do what past me did at 16 without even flinching) (it'll be weird to cut this person out of my life) (but I will not stay where I'm clearly not wanted) (well... maybe wanted but not treated with care and love)

[wandish-tarot]

Hii. How are you?

If I may have a free reading I would love one!

So at the moment I'm doing a volunteering project in Finland. I arrived on Monday and I'll be here 2 weeks. I'm a very anxious person so this is all extremely stressful for me.

I'm wondering if I'll have and if people like me? ( like if I'll make some real friends and stuff like that?) and there is this one French boy that I might have a tiny crush on lol which is so strange because I never have crushes and I literally know him for less that 2 days? But also I'm stuck in a room with 2 girls who are very nice but they don't seem to like hanging out with other people and I'm currently in my room and no one is talking and I have no idea where the rest of the group went(and that French boy). I always seem to end up with the introverts and never have the fun group of friends. I mean I love all of my friends but you know the group who parties and loves people. I don't have the problem when I'm in my home country but I'm in Finland to experience something new :/

I kinda feel like crying right now lol

Sorry for the rent

Anyways I'm buba, cancer sun, Leo rising

Hi buba!

I unfortunately do see a bit of a conundrum for you during your time in Finland the way things are going right now.

It looks like you could end up being stuck in a situation where you're lonely but not alone enough, which makes sense giving your living situation for the trip. And the Hierophant Rx shows that the differences between your home country and Finland could be a bit tiring. Nothing crazy but I've been abroad and sometimes the little things can make being out and about feel strange. People just occupy public spaces in a slightly different way. Go faster/slower on the sidewalk than you're used to, talk in a different volume when dining out. The cheapo public bathroom soap smells different. That kind of thing.

9 of wands here suggests a bit of fatigue, from the loneliness and the small cultural differences but also from your volunteer work. The good news there is that this feels like a more positive kind of tiredness. Like you're exhausted a lot of the time but it feels good to be tired because you're doing good work and trying new things. It's very "tuckered out (positive)" to me.

With the queen and the page, I think this is likely you and the French guy. If you look at the way they landed, if they had come out upright, they would have been facing each other. I think that it's showing that there is something there but you're both pretty overwhelmed and out of your depth so it's hard to connect. He probably seems to you from the outside to be handling the trip better than you but it's more because you benefit from routine more than he does so he seems more "normal" in a overwhelmed state than you do. I don't think you guys will get very close during the 2 weeks but you'll get along and I think if you get his contact information he's likely to stay in touch after the project's over.

I think you're going to be disappointed when the trip ends because it went very quick, but not sad that you went. A bittersweet departure.

With the playing cards I was thinking about what you could do to improve the trip. It seems like you just have to ask, as scary as that is, believe me I know lol. But it seems like the people around you are eager to get to know each other, it's just that everyone is nervous and that can get to them. Something that seems like it would be helpful is to make a plan, invite others to go with you but if people don't join you, still stick to the plan. I don't mean anything extravagant, the plan could just be going to a nearby park after volunteering or visiting a shop to see what a Finnish shoe store or something is like. Going through with getting out and seeing things the first time could show people that you're kind of, "stubborn" about having a good time on your trip and encourage them to join you or help them to know that you're "game" to do other stuff with them.

I don't really see like very deep friendships coming from this, but happy low commitment ones feel very possible. Nothing here suggests anyone disliking you or being opposed to being around you or unfriendly. The vibe here is just that no one's really at their best-most-confident selves and that nervousness can be a bit hard to work through.

Tldr; ask people to hangout, get the French boy's insta