#I'm proud but I also hate it cause i've never done a piece like this
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awyanno · 1 year ago
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"It was a bad idea
To bring you back home
Was such a bad idea
I need to be alone"
Hi!!! I'm trying to use songs, cover art, and lyrics to analyze characters, relationships, etc to help inspire my art :)
Song: bad idea! by Girl in Red
-This song connects to Max & Pierre's relationship in the very beginning. The song talks about an unhealthy relationship that dealt with sex... and who on the server have a relationship exactly like this...? Tbf, they have since worked on it since, but the point still stands.
Characters: Maximus & Aypierre
-Maxo: Throughout the beginning Max was very unsure about the entire thing but he kept going back even though he absolutely hated it because he needed something. The inner turmoil that he had when he kept going into Pierre's room was potent. Also, nowadays, Max is isolating himself due to code arc.
-Pierre: Like the person referenced in the song, they're kinda initiating everything. However, unlike the song, there is a more happy note unlike the song
Cover & Inspo:
I won't put the actual image 'cause I don't want to be flagged for nudity even though it's censored. The cover image is one with a lady flashing the camera
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sabrondabrainrot · 2 months ago
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I never posted these pieces but I'm so big into Kid Flash, flash, DC, etc. Wally West, Wallace West, and Bart Allen (i love Barry too but he's not drawn here). I always really liked Wally's suit redesign with the new 52 and rebirth issues. Both of these pieces I made were done 09/18-09/20 alllll the way back in 2021. I ended up not posting them because after doing the 3 hour experiment of coloring Wally West, my husband, I showed it to some friends and they proceeded to tell me his feet were wrong (they are...) so I just gave up and never wanted to post it. 🤣🤣🤣
The Sanrio x Flash was basically going to be a crowded mall as the bros hang out but I hate drawing crowds and gave up. Looking back, I actually learned a lot while working on this. I'm actually really proud of my 2021 self for attempting perspective.
Also just tossing in sketches cause I like showing off sketches. I specifically was referencing a lot of flash comics for the sketches so it's relevant.
Even though these were 3 years ago, I still remember learning a lot working on both of these. The Wally West running actually was the first instance of a coloring technique I still use to this day 😂
Crazy to me these were exactly 3 years ago!
⚡09/18/21⚡ & ⚡09/20/21⚡
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⚠️Disclaimer: I used to never sign my art. But I've recently noticed some of my old stuff being stolen from my Instagram/Twitter and uploaded to Pinterest. I've never posted any of my work to Pinterest so it's all been stolen. My friends have encouraged and reminded me to sign my stuff which is why my recent art usually will include a signature or water mark of some type. ⚠️
🚨I've never once consented to my art being reposted or uploaded to anything that's not my accounts.🚨
🚨I do not consent, and never will, to my art being used to train AI.🚨
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starakex · 2 years ago
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Warden Ingo Cosplay Build Log
Hey Legends Arceus / Submas / Pokémon fans ! I spent two months last year making a Warden Ingo costume because the game made me fall in love with the franchise all over again (and because I love sad amnesia uncle, of course). I'm pretty proud of it, so I thought it'd be fun to share the process here in painstaking details. I've been cosplaying for over a decade now and I learned a bunch from so many defunct cosplay tutorials on this website, so I thought I'd give back. This isn't a guide, persay, but rather a dive into the methods and decisions I picked to complete this project. Any pre-made items or patterns that are available online will be linked! I'll be splitting down each piece of the costume into its own section for easier reading. This is gonna be a long one with a bunch of pictures, so I'd suggest viewing on the blog directly! Without further ado, all aboard!
Station 0: The Guidelines
Before getting into the build itself, I wanted to preface this wall of text with the guidelines I set myself for this project.These core pillars inform a lot of the decision-making, and some people might feel like using this log as reference for their own cosplays, so I thought it'd be good to put them here to explain why I did some stuff the way I did. Comfort first: I knew I was gonna wear it in the summer, and stand around all day at a convention, so it needed to be lightweight and comfortable. (well, as much as a cosplay can be, anyways.) Realism: Ok, that's kinda weird to associate "realism" to a Pokémon costume (unless you're Detective Pikachu I guess), but I wanted to look more natural instead of translating a shiny fancy 3D model straight to real life (nothing against that, it just wasn't my goal). This meant adapting certain elements that only really worked in stylized Pokémon graphics. Be a huge cheapskate: I didn't wanna break the bank with this one, so if I could save money thrifting or reusing stuff I had lying around, I was going to do it. Whenever you see me pull some material out of my ass that wasn't entirely fit for the job, that's why. After putting these down, jotted down a battle plan for the project (basically just a huge compartmentalized list of all the material I expected to need and the steps to complete the costume), and then it was time to get to work.
Station 1: Thrift Shop Pit Stop
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I like starting every project with a quick trip to the local thrift stores to see what I can find. I hate sewing pants with a passion, so my priority was to grab some navy suit pants to match the coat's fabric to later. I also found a long sleeve black shirt for Ingo's undershirt, a belt I ended up not using, and lucked out with some excellent clown shoes with removeable insoles. After slapping in my own insoles, replacing the shoelaces and fixing up the pants' button, we were good to go on every element that could be done without any extra work on my end. Moving on.
Station 2: Three Refined Metals For A Hat
I'll be honest here: when I initially planned out the entire project in my notebook, the hat was scary as hell. I had no clear idea how I was going to do it; I didn't really want to buy a similar pre-made hat cause roughing it up would've been stupid hard to get to look right. I figured I could probably make it out of EVA Foam (a certified cosplay classic), but I've never patterned a shape this complex before. Turns out Kamui Cosplay made a foam pattern for the same kinda hat. Score! I purchased the pattern and assembled the hat using 6mm EVA Foam and Contact Cement according to the instructions. I then destroyed some poor polyester cord trim from the bottom of my scrap bin and glued it into the base for the... sticky-outies? The damaged bits. Y'know.
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With the base finished, I drafted a pattern for the fabric covering, cut my pieces out of navy twill, sewed it up and slid it over the hat. I did the same for the inside with some cheap black muslin leftovers from another project, glued it all to the base in strategic spots, and then patterned, sewed and glued the band on. Finally, I took my seam ripper and scissors and opened up the seams where the little piles of sad polyester scraps were lining up to free them. With the main part of the hat complete, I cut up a disc of 10mm EVA foam for the insignia, scored the design on with a hobby knife and heated it up to form a bit of a curve. It was then sealed with flexbond, painted and sealed with a clear coat, and glued on! All that was left after this was weathering the hat. It's a little hard to photograph this piece properly, so I'll show the weathering process when we get to the coat.
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I apologize for basically pulling a "rest of the fucking owl" here, but honestly a lot of the process was improvising and somehow not destroying the entirety of my progress, so I have no pictures of the hat building process beyond this.
Station 3: Sneasels Ripped My Coat
Ingo's coat started with a heavily modified version of a commercial pattern. Specifically, it's the D Coat from Simplicity's 4789. I could've probably found a pattern closer to the Subway Bosses' coat design, but this one had already been in my pile of "patterns I bought for an abandonned project and will totally use someday, I swear" and it was close enough, so I used it. Modifications included extending the collar, making the coat a little longer in proportion to my body, the sleeves wider at the ends, and adding inner pockets (a cosplayer's best friend). Oh, and the white bias tape on the edges and the orange stripes, of course. You may have noticed I'm not showing the pattern with all the modifications here. That's because as part of the Cheapskate Protocol, I really wanted to use this old Simplicity pattern to save money. A pattern I bought when I was a teen way back when. the misses sized pattern enveloppe. So I had to size up the entire damn thing. The biggest size on this pattern was like 7 inches off my measurements. It's a paper Frankenstein golem. It looks godawful. The actual adjustments to make the pattern Submas-ready are incomprehensible in there. But hey, I saved like 10 dollars! I started by assembling the base coat (undamaged) out of navy twill. I added heavy interfacing in the collar to help it stay up. I considered adding a lining to it to really sell the fact this used to be a modern machine-assembled piece of clothing, but it wouldn't have looked as good with the rips and tears later on. As a bonus, it's one layer less in the fight against heat exhaustion! However, if I were to make this coat for Pre-Eeby-Deebied Ingo, I'd definitively do a lining.
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Next step was the stripes! I used some double fold white bias tape to finish the edges of the coat and topstitched the ones on the back of the coat on. I then used the same orange cotton as the hat band for the three orange stripes,which were topstitched on. Cheapskate Protocol made me buy barely enough orange cotton this time around because I was tired of building up the pile in the fabric scrap bin, so I had to improvise to make it work by snipping the bands in strategic spots in order to cover to whole coat properly. It's not like the parts that would be cut off later for the damage would need them, anyways. ✨Optimization✨
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After rolling my rock up the hill of a Hell of my own creation, I booted up the game, dragged my avatar to the Ingo enclosure and marveled at the magnificent creature to see where the coat was ripped. I traced a loose guide of the tear designs with washable fabric chalk and crudely cut up the bottom edge, sleeves and collar to have the basic shape down.
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All that was left was to add the armband and the buttons. Turns out the only metal buttonsI could find that were big enough were those buttons kits to cover with fabric. Since I wanted to go for realism here (and be able to throw the whole thing in the wash after sweating in it all day), I wanted to avoid crafting them myself. With the main construction done, it was time to do the weathering! ... ... ... OH GOD I FORGOT TO ADD POCKETS
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Behold, the world's most awful pockets. Two stupid little bags sewn in such a way you hopefully can't tell from the outside that I completely forgot that I wanted these. They literally only exist so I can have my phone handy at a convention. There's a buttonhole to close it too, I guess. They're shamefully hidden with all my lining-less, raw seam sins. Ok now we can destroy the coat
Station 4: Stinky And Dirty
I mentionned earlier during the hat section that I was going to get back to the weathering process. This is happening now. For the sake of Realism™️, I wanted the damage to look natural in real life, so I had to make it look believable. Luckily this wasn't my first rodeo with the Dirt, so I had plenty of weathering experience under my belt. To break up the awkward scissor cuts from earlier on the edges and fray everything up, I pulled out the sandpaper and started... Sanding the fabric. Might sound weird to some, but a lot of costume makers swear by it. It's also great for ripped jeans (if those are still popular today) and general natural wear. I also refined the shape along the way with scissor to break up any long straight cuts before fraying the edges. I took care to reinforce any newly destroyed seams with a sneaky staystitch so it doesn't unravel in the future. I then mixed up a bunch of different shades of brownish grime with fabric paints (I had black, brown, yellow, orange and green on hand) to dirty the whole thing up. This doesn't look as realistic as some other methods like weathering powders and Just Using Real Dirt, but as mentionned earlier I wanted to be able to just throw it in the washing machine at the end of the day to sanitize it. (If you're interested in actually learning how to weather a costume, this guide is where I started my journey.) I prioritized the ripped edges and any spots where grime would realistically accumulate in over time, like under the edge of the hat band. Paint was dabbed, stippled and rubbed on with whatever garbage tools I could find, which in my case were some old crusty brushes, sponges and toothbrushes I could get really violent with. (brushes were harmed in the making of this costume, but not my good brushes.)
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The whole thing was then sealed with heat using a flat iron as per the fabric paint instructions. With the coat done, all of Ingo's old Subway Boss uniform was complete!
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Station 5: A Warden's Garb
Next step on the list was making the Pearl Clan uniform. Thankfully, there's a fun little piece of concept art that shows Ingo without his signature coat, so from it we can confirm that his clan outfit has short sleeves (good for the comfort goal) and consists of two pieces: a tunic and some kind of hip sash. I omitted the hood on the tunic because I was realistically never going to wear it up and it would have just bunched up under the coat anyways. Now you'll be painfully aware of that terrible corner cutting truth whenever you scroll down and see photos of the costume. Sorry. I drafted out a quick pattern for both pieces of the clan garb through the power of math for the sash (a couple half circles with another piece for the border) and tracing over a tunic in my wardrobe for the shirt. I assembled a test version out of scrap muslin to make sure it worked properly, then set the pattern aside so I could prepare the fabric. In order to have all of the tunic elements match together, I picked up a bunch of white stretch knit fabric and a bottle of purple synthetic dye so I could reach the shade of dusty lavender I wanted. I measured out two squares of fabric based on the pattern. One square was for the darker border on the waist sash, while the rest was the lighter color for the whole outfit. I boiled water according to the dye instruction and worked on my Fabric Soup.
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With the fabric dyed and washed, I cut my pattern pieces out and assembled everything together. Nothing special happened there since the pattern had been tested and adjusted prior to sewing the real deal. Ok, one thing happened actually. My sewing machine absolutely hated how thin this fabric was and kept trying to eat my costume. By the end I was about ready to throw the machine out the window, but things worked out.
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It's pretty sneaky and totally not visible on the outside, but the sash is held closed with two snap buttons on the front. It's easily the single jankiest piece of the costume due to the aforementioned attempt by my sewing machine to have fabric dinner. But hey, it works and the jank isn't visible so who caaaares (I care)
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Final step for the Pearl Clan outfit was adding the logo on the front. I wasn't sure how I wanted to do this, at first, but to keep the fabric's stretch and keep with the idea that this is a hand-sewn garment from old Hisui, I decided to go with hand embroidery. I grabbed some scrap white cotton, dyed it purple, then cut it out in the shape of the logo. It was then painstakingly applique'd to the tunic by hand with embroidery floss.
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With that done, the tunic was completed! It looks absolutely depressing on a coat hanger, but when worn with a belt it's all nice and cozy. As a bonus, it layers with the coat well enough that I don't have to wear a binder under everything to hide obvious boob shapes. Another win for the Comfort team! 👏 With all the sewing done, all that's left is the Warden bracelet and the hair.
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Station 6: Noble Sneasler's Cool Bling
Ingo's got a bestie bracelet of his best pal Sneasler, so we gotta make that. The build should be pretty standard to anyone that's made anything out of EVA Foam for a cosplay. I drafted the pieces by referencing the in-game model, cut them out of different thicknesses of the material to create some depth, and glued everything together with contact cement and hot glue. (The main bracelet is 6mm foam, the details are 2mm foam and the black parts for the base of the head and the gem are 4mm foam.) I added an elastic on the wrist to keep the bangle secured to my arm while still being able to easily slip it on and off.
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The whole thing was then sealed with flexbond, painted and then sealed with a spray clear coat. Honestly, it was the simplest part of the build and it actually went without a hitch this time around.
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With the accessories done, it was now time to get to what I am convinced is every Submas cosplayer's worst nightmare: The Goddamn Hair.
Station 7: The Goddamn Hair
There's a lot of artists credited as character designers in the credits of Pokémon Black & White (2010). This means I can't figure out who to blame for Ingo and Emmet's stupid sideburns that make absolutely no sense in the real world. Instead we're just going to scream at the heavens and find a solution to the geometric flaps. Another fun fact: I'm awful at wigs. Like absolutely awful. I understand the methods involved, but I'm stupid bad at applying that knowledge on an expensive mop of plastic hair I don't want to ruin. So I did some research to figure out how people were making the twins' hair on their own cosplay. Everyone did a great job, but it wasn't really the effect I was looking for, so I decided to start from scratch. Because, you see, I was going to completely avoid styling a wig. I've always interpreted the art as them having some sick sideburns/muttonchops. (This art piece by waltias on twitter was posted like a week after I finished my cosplay and I felt so so validated in my interpretation) I also love Makeup FXs, so I thought "hey, I can look up beard makeup tutorials." I ended up with two ideas: either I could buy crepe wool hair in grey and glue the fibers to my face individually every time I put the costume on, or I could make a reuseable prosthetic. I'm a lazy piece of garbage that likes doing things once so prosthetic it was. I mean, I know how to ventilate wig lace. It'll be reusable and take 4 minutes to apply. Smart! I got the Jett in Light Grey from Arda Wigs, a ventilating hook, matching wefts and the lace. I had a plan, I was ready, it was going to look great. And then I spent 40 hours tying individual strands of plastic hair on a wig lace mesh. For a total surface area of maybe 3 square inch.
(Pictured above: A Fool.) It was hell. I might've incurred a stress injury from the process and then had to let it rest for a week because I did it all over a couple days. Would I recommend doing it? If you're patient, sure. I love the result. But this was, by far, the worst part of the entire project. 40 hours. The entire coat took me like 6 hours. 40 fucking hours.
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After painstakingly tying individual hairs to a mesh and realizing I might've reached the Ninth Circle of Hell along the way, I took my couple squares of ventilated wefts and trimmed them to the proper length. The result was awesome, and I don't regret it at all. It looks exactly how I pictured the idea of sideburns would look like. But it also took 40 hours of me just tying some fucking hair to a mesh. Maybe there was a better solution, but there's so little ressources about the process online that I just went with the methods I could find, really. I pray someone starts offering squares of pre-ventilated wig lace someday so no one else has to suffer like I did. As a sidenote, I didn't even bother with the balding hair since I wasn't gonna go through all the effort of heavily modifying a wig and wearing a bald cap if I wasn't even gonna take the hat off.
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40 hours.
Station 8: Bits And Bobs From Under the Subway Bench
Honestly, after the absolute nightmare I went through making the sideburns and goatee, The final touches were a cakewalk. After all, the costume is complete! What's next? Warden Ingo uses Pokéballs like a cool guy, so I wanted one. I usually make pretty much everything myself for costumes because it's fun, but after the ventilating adventure I just wanted to rest. I'd been following NisuzCraft's work for a while now, and I loved the wood grain effect on their Hisuian Pokéballs. I wholeheartedly recommend them, their work is awesome.
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As a final touch, I grabbed some red cord I had lying around from a previous project to craft a little loop to hook my convention badge onto. I don't really like having the badge show up on photos, so it was a clean way to have it easily accessible while having it be easy to slide out of sight. I based the idea off of the knotted ropes the Galaxy Team member hang their Pokéballs from on their uniforms.
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Lastly, though it's not necessarily part of the costume itself, I made an overly indulgent ita bag panel for the first con I took Warden Ingo out to. The collection's grown since then, but here it is:
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Chandelure: JellyBearDesigns Ingo & Lady Sneasler: AstroTeenyArts Warden Ingo, Emmet&Ingo Duo: Cynniarts Ingo & Emmet with fingers crossed, Hanging Ingo, Emmet & Warden Ingo: Zhampip Rubber Straps: Official Pokémon Mate Merch Go show them some love!
Terminus: You Have Reached Hisui Station
So, first con wearing Warden Ingo came and went. What's the verdict? Pretty great experience, honestly. It was relatively comfortable to wear despite record heat in the middle of summer. The only real issue was that having a wig and a hat together trapped heat real bad, therefore some wig breaks were needed. I also initially used spirit gum to stick the facial hair on, and I struggled to remove the residue afterwards from the lace mesh, so now I just use body tape to keep it on. Nothing broke, nothing hurt, so I'd say it was a success! I haven't had to modify or repair anything for the future, so I'm very proud of the results. To anyone who read this Build Log to the very end, thank you so, so much for your interest. I hope this may have given you some insight into the process; especially if this helps your in future cosplay projects! If you don't cosplay, I hope it was still an entertaining read.
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Hoping to see more wonderful Submas cosplays in the future!
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the1weepinqguitar · 1 year ago
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tally hall sketches and other assorted doodles
Here ya go guys! I also have improvement pics from last year! Almost two years in the Tally Hall fandom! Woohoo! My Marvin's CD is gonna hate me even more after all of this
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A Ross sketch! I'm super proud of how it turned out! Below is a close-up!
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The aforementioned close-up, showing the shading on his face and the folds of his sleeve!
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Zubin! I love the side profile, and I used his picture in the MMMM booklet as a reference! Close up below, so you can see some of the more fine details/shading
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the close-up!
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Here's Andrew! His hair is kinda hard to not fluff-ify, but I dealt with it anyways and tried my best to keep it close to reality. Obligatory close(r)-up below.
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next will be some other random stuff, mostly tally hall, but some of it is oc art
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drew this drawing of Ross last September. Not amazing but very stylized, which I love/hate. the tag on the bottom left reads, "he's rather disheveled but this is the best I could do back then"
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wtf is he doing? He in an action movie or something? btw this was last-year's andrew. very stylized. i hate it.
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decided not to include the other last-year Rob cause i hate it deeply. this one's much better. very fluffy. i dont like the collar tho
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just me poking fun at my horrendous attempts at stylizing joe. im not gonna draw him as much as the others btw.
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This is from an au created by @bonkdd, but i did rob and andrew's designs bc i never saw his designs for them. i also added a lot of lore and plot stuff because i really liked the concept. in simple terms the tallies are robots that were abandoned by Marvin after he passed away so now they're falling apart n stuff without him to care for them (that's why rob hides his face). Anyways, huge thanks to Bonk for the original idea! They're a great artist, you should go check them out!
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Edith, drawn/sketched with a ballpoint pen.
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Another one. I like this one better, but I spent two days on this one versus a half on hour on the other so i guess it makes sense
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Adrian and Reuben (OCs), done in a college-ruled notebook bc i ran out of pages in my sketchbook. next is a close-up so you can see more shading.
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probably my favorite gay couple i've ever written ngl
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Ace again, but wearing Reuben's favorite sweater.
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Looking mighty fine!
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He's lookin' tough, he's got the stuff, he's got the spiffy shades... (/lyric)
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pose practice
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Boll weevil, why don't you get out of your home? (/lyric)
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old art jumpscare - i actually kinda like this one, might redraw it. Below is the full thing
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why is zubes staring like that??? its creepy
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here's another. i don't know why it's sideways. andrew is scared of joe btw, this isn't the entire drawing
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Did an embossing peice. It's the Mojo Chessmaster! I tried by best to make it as detailed as possible, and I think I did pretty alright. The neck was probably the worst part to do. Below are close-ups
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the head of the guitar was a pain in the ass.
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This part was also pretty tricky but it came out okay. the dials at the bottom are raised as much as I could get them to go, so I'm not worried about them. My issue here was the pickups.
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I also added Flansburgh's little signature guy but i drew his hair because why not? Anyways this piece took me a good hour or so to finish, I think it'll fetch a good grade (it was for my metal design class).
I'll add a sketch I just did as a bonus:
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it's from a tally hall fanfic/au i made back in may after my grandpa passed away. It was a great stress-reliever and I still really like how it turned out. It's about cryptids and monsters and shit. I'll post a summary on a different post because this one was mostly for the drawings. I might post a few installments of it on my ao3. It could be a weekly thing since i usually have time on fridays to write.
Once again, a close-up is available below.
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I put literal hours of research on cryptids and of the area (ann harbor, MI) while writing this fic. It was fun though, and it helped me a lot. Feel free to ask me anything about the plot or world-building !
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insertsomthinawesome · 2 years ago
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25, 26, 29, 30
25. Something your art has been compared to that you were NOT inspired by
I actually don't think that's ever happened to me! I had somebody on deviant art once say my artstyle was like theirs. i think that's about it tho? There was somebody here on Tumblr who said my first WOlfwood drawing was like a combo of 98 and Stamp and I was like???? I did not do that on purpose. xD (am honored tho. 98 Wolfwood is a good lad from what I know.) 26. What's a piece that got a wildly different interpretation from what you intended OOH. THis is another one I feel like I should know but am drawing a blank.
OH I KNOW I KNOW I REMEMBER: THIS PIECE ON DEVIANT ART People kept thinking me giving Reigen black wings meant I thought he was evil when more I was trying to say he was tainted by his own questionable deeds! I totally get why people were thinking that tho xD A very understandable reaction and the title of the piece also used to be "Not What he Seems" So it came off WAAAAY more antagonistic towards Reigen. 29. Media you love, but doesn't inspire you artistically Somebody beat you to 29 so I'll copy that answer here: "OOOH. OOH I FEEL LIKE I SHOULD KNOW THIS BUT MY BRAIN IS DRAWING A BLANK. oooh I feel like, I'd have to say Probably Jak & Daxter and Monster Hunter. I LOVE both. But like hmm. I've had very brief periods of times of trying to draw for them or thinking about doing so. But I've never really done so. And with J&D it was SO LONG AGO. They're both very beautiful and inspiring in their own ways. But I don't think either has really ever made me sit down and be inspired artistically??? I think it could totally happen tho." 30. What piece of yours do you think is underrated
OOF oh no xD
THIS piece of Albedo From genshin Impact. I was always pretty proud of this!! And I thought it'd do WAY better. SOmtimes it just be like that tho! :D The other one would be THIS This was my first post to tumblr tho, so Honestly I understand why nobody saw it xD Also its in this middling phase I had with art where I was still kinda figuring out a LOT of techniques and stuff (and I've learned a thing or two about fashion design i hope 8/) But honestly I'm still really proud of it? It took a lot of effort and it was a very self indulgent piece that connected with who i was then (loving Undertale) And who I'd been in the past (Loving Blinx, Sonic, and Ratchet and Clank) So there's a lot of like, nostalgic and warm emotions attached to it that make me wish it'd done better. (also cause I HATED doing backgrounds and I put a lot of effort into that one) BUT at least its still special to me!! :D And again these things just happen sometimes. I prefer they be obscure than I force people to like them. And who knows? Maybe somebody will dig them up someday and love them :)
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risu5waffles · 2 years ago
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Ten-10 for Pen-pen
Got another 10 in the pike for y'all. Which, to think of it. Why pike? Who puts anything in a fish? Aside from fish food? i guess?
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Talked about this a few weeks back. Short. Sweet. Well, mostly sweet? It's mostly just short, to be honest.
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There are some really nice set pieces in this one, yeah. Loved all the giant zombie-ghosty things. The castle, itself, is a really nicely done environment, tho' i feel like the cameras are really a touch to herky-jerky at times. Gameplay was fun enough, even if a few bits don't totally gel; that bouncy floor bit really didn't quite work for me. The major fly in the ointment is the "This Is Halloween" or whatever it's called playing on loop the whole damned level. Even if it were a good song (and this version of it definitely is not), it just can't sustain 7minutes about of gameplay.
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It's funny how you'll never hear of a creator, and then you blink and suddenly they're everywhere? And they're actually really good? This one is not a perfect recreation of Skulldozer, but it approximates it quite well, while putting its own spin on the proceedings. i am always a little bit wary of the Temple as a level kit, 'cause it feels a little bit of a kind of way towards Indian (subcontinent India, that is, not Native American) folx? i don't know. It's not my place to get angry about it, but it does tend to ping my "is this going to be gross?" radar. Anyways, Joja28 has a tonne of levels, and they all seem to have come out fairly recently, and they're all pretty good. i hope i didn't make that sound suspicious, because it isn't really. Sometimes folx just get on a whole tear in create mode.
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This is another one, like the Snake Temple level above, that got picked up for a Team Pick right after i recorded, but before the episode went live. Hate that. This one's really fun to look at, but not quite as much to engage wiv. If you get out of the score bubble sections, it's really difficult to get back up, so you're just stuck on the boat forever watching the level go by. But the level does, at least, look nice, and it has a lot of character; it just feels really long when you can't engage wiv it.
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The first of Chronos' Neon Dimension series, and already just strong right out the gate. Can we step back and appreciate this was made 12 dang years ago? Chronos was just a wee babby. And he just throws this together, like, oh, yeah, i just had this in my back pocket. i remember playing this the first time and thinking how cool it was that the level just kind of put itself together as i went. That was my benchmark for "is this level really special" for a couple of years when i first started reviewing, and it came from seeing it the first time done well here.
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i think this might be my favourite "HARD" levels, tho it doesn't really bill itself the way those ones do (seriously, a lot of them just have hard in all-caps right in the title). This one's really tricky, and some bits take a fair amount of finesse, but it never feels unfair, and it never feels like it's rushing you along before you're ready. Add to that an excellent presentation, an extremely chill vibe, and a great choice of music, and you've got a real masterclass in level design. i tell you, no lie, i was so proud to beat this one way back in the day.
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Yooo... what is this even? It is so fluid! The animation, it's like, i know it was done in LBP3, but i don't think i've ever seen anyone pull off something that looked quite as good or as well-done as this. The creator said on the title page they might or might not have gotten around to finishing it, but they were publishing it anyways just to have what was completed out there. i'm not familiar wiv the song, so i can't say yay or nay to that; but what we did get is honestly really special.
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We're not also posting this to the subreddit, so i can say more honestly how i feel about this level. Fuck this level. Fuck it right in the ear wiv a big metal dick. Gods. This was actually anti-fun. It actually went out and removed fun from the world. It probably shit on a baby's ice cream while i was playing it, powered by my deep frustration and loathing.
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There are some cute touches in this one, even if i don't feel like it really needed to be as long as it was. i really liked the skiiers and their bits of animation. The setting had a bit more pop in colour than we usually see in snow-themed levels, and i appreciated that as well. But, to be honest, there isn't really too much that sticks out in my mind either? i know that's kind of shitty, but there you go.
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Tell you what, i was not expecting this level to be like this. Like, i've played LaDIDa72's levels before, and they can be tricky, but they always felt tricky in spite of themselves, you know? Like, a little playtesting and polish and they'd work better? i guess i didn't realize that street goes both ways. You can take wonky bits and polish them to be harder. This has got some of the fiddliest, most bullshite platforming i've played in a while and i loved it? It never felt unfair, just always just barely not do-able, and that makes all the difference. Plus, there's little that's dependent on things outside your control, and that, i feel like, is super important to keep players engaged wiv this kind of level. Make someone feel like the fuck up is on their end, and they will beat their heads into the wall trying to get past it, but let them think for a moment that the fuck up was on you as a creator, and they will bounce right out. It super helps this level is pretty as fuck. Like it is just super pretty. Which is half the reason i wasn't expecting it to be a hard level. A lot of times those are just dogshit ugly. Fun fact! i can't watch this video on my own YouTube channel thanks to Song 2 being in the level. Thanks a fucking lump Sony Music Japan! You're total fucking peaches!
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So that's another ten off the top then. Your usual mix of good, bad, and ugly, but alright enough for all that. It feels like it's becoming my day off refrain, but i got stuff done today, but not what i needed, and not what i wanted. Well, a few things i needed, but not, like, needed-needed, you know?
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headandheartinhand · 7 months ago
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i needed a space to talk without caring about a single other person's opinion or judgment over my words. because i'm 28 and still don't feel like i can trust any of my friends. some of them with some things, sure, but i'm very all or nothing. if you can't give me your all, then i want nothing to do with you. and i hold every friend to this standard, which is why i'm deeply detached from my friends. if i can only let you in a little, then why am i letting you in at all? doesn't make any sense to me.
i'm mad at the world. i'm mad at my parents. i'm mad at myself. my life feels incapable of getting better. how do i get a job that can accommodate my needs when i don't have a diagnosis. how can i get a diagnosis without insurance. how can i get insurance without money. how do i get money without a job. do you see the cycle i'm stuck in.
i tried to get on medicaid; i wasn't accepted. they said i didn't make enough money to qualify. i thought the whole point of this shit was to help people who don't make enough money.
today is mother's day. i've been crying a lot, and i haven't even slept yet. being back in my parents house after two years and many states away, it hits me so much harder just how much my parents weren't there for me. just fully 100% emotionally absent from my life. i try not to blame them. i know they've got their own struggles, and i know i've got more emotional intelligence in my pinky than they've got in both of 'em combined. but i can't help feeling bitter, hurt, and abandoned. i can't help feeling like they failed in raising me.
i hate how no one can see this but me. it makes me feel crazy, feeling all the grief and pain they've caused me, knowing nobody can see it. i hate that i got my mom a great gift and am proud of it, that i want her approval yet i don't actually wanna spend any time with her today. i hate being a 28 year old crying out for a mommy i don't have (because i'm sure as hell not crying out for the one i do have).
i think 28 years is a long time to spend alone. i know some people are surrounded by others and still feel alone. i used to be one of those people. yet i can't help but look on with envy when i walk through stores, seeing people smile and laugh with their family, friends, or partner. i want one of those. just one person, from any of those dynamics, that i can bare my soul to. that i don't have to fake happy around. that i can share my broken or burnt out pieces with. i wanna be around someone where i'm not afraid to share the mean thoughts in my head, but i'm also not feeding into their negativity or vice versa. just safely expressing my not so savory thoughts and feelings around someone who gets me.
i've put so much effort into understanding others throughout my life. even now that i don't do it as much, i still feel like i put in more effort for ppl i don't even like than most ppl in my life have done for me. and i don't mean that in the people-pleaser way that i used to; i mean it in a basic-fucking-courtesy type way. you know how they say common sense isn't so common? i feel like that's even more true about common courtesy.
so that's why i walk around a seething ball of spite these days. don't get me wrong, i still smile in everyone's face because one thing i'm never tryna do is take my bad mood out on someone who didn't directly cause it. they may have triggered it, but unless you're in my face purposefully making me feel bad, then i don't need to make you feel bad. but i know walking around holding it all in isn't good either; that's how headboards get broken during alone time lol.
i'm not sure what the solution is. i can't afford therapy. i think this blog is gonna be good for me, tho
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medicinemane · 1 year ago
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Of course my mom's parents just handed themselves L after L when it came to me, and it was all them scheming in the stupidest ways possible, and me blundering along not realizing the shit they were pulling and absolutely making them look like jackasses without even realizing it
The two big examples I can give are:
My grandpa really wanted me to read these readers he liked, but I just had to go in order instead of skipping ahead (cause he was living out his fantasy of old timey schooling), so I got bored and said I was quitting
Well, he gets the clever idea to tell me that this is very important to my mom that I continue... and he never thought about how I could... just ask my mom why she cared so much, which lead me to find out she didn't give a shit about the readers, which just pissed me off that he lied to me and made me double down on not reading them anymore
Like that's two Ls in one of both the lying, but also the not just letting the kid skip ahead to a reader that was engaging to them. Be proud they're wanting to read the college level reader instead of the 3rd grade one, don't hold them back
Second example is the time my grandma baked a banana cake to prove I was just being fussy and didn't actually hate banana
She was so smug cause I ate that first piece, but it got real awkward for her when half way through the next piece the next day I was like "I'm sorry, I don't know why but this cake taste like banana and so I can't stand to eat anymore... I just don't know why that's happening and I don't want to be rude, but I can't eat anymore"
Oops, turns out I just didn't like banana, and she made an ass out of herself feuding with a literal child
Like just the most oafish behavior from both of them, and neither of them are stupid people, but they're just fucking fools who may have brains but no sense
I wouldn't mind talking to my grandpa again at this point, but I've got no respect for him. Though, that's better than my grandma who I actively dislike, and while I don't think she's some kind of monster, I do think she has an immense capacity for cruelty that she doesn't even register
Also, those two were made for each other in that there are few people worse with money than the two of them
All around just fool behavior from them both. There's a reason I'm always clowning on them and not my dad's parents, and that's cause while the two of them may have been flawed and may have done their own damage, they both had a hell of a lot more sense and cared a lot more
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hyunsuks-beanie · 3 years ago
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It'll Always Be You
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Lee Felix × reader; angst, but with a fluffy ending; 2923 words; lovers to exes and back
A/N So Felix has me feeling all sorts of things today, bc of how good he looked during the performance. So here's a scenario for our Sunshine!
"Here's your order and have a nice day," you smile to the female customer in front of you, before handing a pack of cookies to her child. Once the leave, you let out a sigh and look at your best friend who's cleaning the counter next to you. "All done for today!," you exclaim, to which your friend looks up and smiles, before taking off and folding her apron. "So, what are your plans for tonight?," she asks, making you give her a knowing look. She to her eyes before saying, "How long are you gonna stay cooped up inside your house? The break up was two years ago for heaven's sake, you need to start living your life again." "Hey, I am living my life, it's just that, unlike you, I am not interested in going out and meeting new people every day. I meet enough strangers while working here, so there's no need to go clubbing daily," you shrug.
When all she does in reply is pout, you chuckle and say, "Okay, how about we go for a movie tomorrow? My treat." Her face lights up at that, and she gives you a tight hug before saying, "I really want to meet your ex once though, just so I can break his nose." You giggle "Oh he's dead and gone."
Oh, if only you knew.
Once you send your friend off, you start tidying up your little bakery up. This was the place that helped you get over your breakup, which had been messy to say the least. You had immersed yourself fully in your work, because you knew it was one thing that would never hurt you or break your trust.
You sigh lovingly at the memories of setting up and running your bakery, turning your back against the front door. And just as you are reminiscing you hear the door open, causing you to turn. The moment you do so, however, you regret it, because standing there, staring at you wide-eyed, is your ex, otherwise known as Stray Kids' Lee Felix. You both continue to stare at each other for a while, before he finally breaks the silence (and your trance) by whispering, "Y/N."
You clear your throat, and say, "I'm sorry, but we're closed for the day." He rushes to the and hurriedly replies, "Please, it's rather urgent. My friend Hyunjin is really craving some blueberry pie, and he refuses fo join practice before I bring him what he wants." "I told you, I'm sorry, but I can't help you today. You can come back tomorrow though," you say, not looking into his eyes. "Please Y/N, Chan hyung is getting really angry, he's gonna ground me along with Hyunjin," Felix reasons, and you find yourself giving in to his pleading eyes and pouty lips.
"Fine, wait a minute," you say, making him crack a smile. Boy have you missed that smile of his, you think, before mentally slapping yourself for still not being able to resist him, even though he broke your heart to pieces when he broke up with you over the phone two years ago, telling you that he could no longer do long distance with you being all the way in Australia. It wasn't the breakup that hurt you though, it was the fact that he had found someone better and closer to him, or so he said.
Little did you know, though, that the company had he had never really found anyone else, that he didn't want to find anyone else. The company had made him lie to you when they came to know he was secretly dating. He tried to put up a fight, but the company started threatening him about the group facing consequences. He knew you'd see right through him if he told you the truth, so he had to lie to you in order to make you hate him, just so you could move on in life. He meant well, but he never knew he hurt you so bad that you'd give up on dating and love altogether.
"Here you go," you say while handing him his parcel. He thanks you, while contemplating if he should make small talk. Mustering up the courage, he asks, "How have you been?", while looking down. "Fine," you reply, "Congrats on the comeback." His head snaps up at that, as he says, "I didn't know you knew I had a comeback," "It was all over the news, Felix. Stray Kids are really making it big," you swallow before adding, "Your partner must be really proud of you," complete with a fake smile plastered on your face.
Felix winces at your words, not knowing what to say. In the end, he settles with, "How long have you been running this bakery?" "Since about a month after we broke up." When he gives you a confused expression, you sigh and add, "I was kinda already about to move to Seoul when you told me that you had found someone else. I was gonna surprise you, but you ended up surprising me instead."
"Y/N, I-I never knew. I'm so sorry, I-," he says, but you cut him off. "I-I t-think you should leave," you say, with tears threatening to spill. "Let me explain, please. I swear I'll come clean, please, just give me a chance." "No Felix, I can't give you any chance, you blew it up when you hurt me so bad that it made scared of ever loving again. Please.....j-just go," you say, shutting your eyes close. Dejected, he turns around to leave, but not before saying, "I'm sorry," one more time. Once he leaves, you sink down to the floor, crying. "Why did you have to ruin me so bad?," You whisper.
You don't, however, notice that just outside the door, Felix too, is crying hysterically as he gets into his car.
Upon reaching the JYP building, Felix rushes to the washroom to try and dry his eyes and hide any signs that he's been crying. "I still love you. I never stopped, but gosh, why did I have to be such an idiot to let you go? And that too, in the worst way possible?," he says to his reflection in the mirror, thinking back to your broken expression. Slamming his fist against the sink, he curses at himself.
Once he's finally sobered up a little, Felix goes back to the practice room to give Hyunjin his pie. Though he has half a mind to just call in sick and go home and weep, he knows the group needs him. "Here you go, Hyun," he forces a smile onto his face when Hyunjin thanks him. Chan notices his slumped shoulders, but shrugs it off as tiredness. "Now that everyone is satisfied, can we get back to practice?," he asks. Once all the boys agree, rehearsals begin again, but Felix can't find it in himself to focus. He keeps making mistakes, which finally results in Chan stopping the music, grabbing his hand, and taking him out the practice room and to his studio.
"What is it, Lix? You've been distracted ever since you came back from the bakery. Come on, I know something is bothering you, it isn't like you to lose focus. Tell me what it is," Chan says, sternly but gently, his concern for the younger boy evident. "It's nothing, hyung. I'm just tired," Felix tries to evade the question, but Chan presses on. "I'm not buying that, and I'm not gonna have you distracted during performances or practices, either. I can't risk you injuring yourself or any of the boys, so I'm saying again. Spit. It. Out. Leader's orders."
Felix sighs, running a hand through his hair. After a pause, he finally says, "I saw Y/N today. The bakery, it is owned by them." Chan's eyes go wide at this, since he's the only one who knows the circumstances under which you both broke up, and is also the only one who knows about how much Felix regrets letting you go, in the worst possible way. "What happened? Were they....rude to you? Or did they do something?" "What? No hyung, they were nothing but nice to me. We made small talk, and they told me that they were planning to surprise me by moving to Seoul, when I broke up with them. I hurt them so bad that they are scared of ever loving again," Felix says, taking shaky breaths between sentences as tears welled up in his eyes again.
"I messed up so bad hyung, you know I still love them. They're the nicest, most perfect, most lovable person I've ever known, and I damaged them so badly, gosh I feel so guilty," he breaks down again, causing Chan to wrap his arms around him, giving him a shoulder to cry on. Once Felix calms down, Chan says, "You know what you have to do now, right?" "What do you mean?"
"You say you still love them. You say you're guilty. But instead of telling these things to me, you need to tell this to them. Apologize to them, tell them the whole story. Tell them there was never anyone else, and that it's always been them. You didn't fight for them back then, because you were worried for us. But you can fight for them now, because we got your back. Win them back, Lix. Make up for your mistake."
"B-but hyung, why would they ever want to take me back again? I've been nothing but a jerk to them." "Well, in that case, you can't blame them. But they deserve to at least know the truth. They deserve to know that your intentions were not wrong. If they choose to walk away after that, they will at least have had gotten closure. Who knows, it might help them muster the courage to go out and love again. You owe this to them, Lix."
Chan succeeded in knocking some sense into Felix, as the next day, the younger boy found himself in front of your bakery, preparing a long speech explaining why he did what he did to you. He's so engrossed in his thoughts that he doesn't notice your best friend walk out the bakery and stand next to him. "Uhm, are you okay?," she asks, surprising him. "O-oh, uh-uhm, yeah," says Felix, while noticing her uniform, that's identical to yours. "Do you work with Y/N?" "Yeah, we're friends and partners, and on most days, we work together. But they called in sick today, and told me they'd cover the evening shift. How do you know them though?"
To this, Felix finds himself at a loss for words, but he figures if he's gonna come clean to you, he needs an ally. And what better person than your best friend? So he takes down his mask slightly, making your friend gasp in response. "You Felix from Stray Kids! What are you doing here?" "I-I came here to meet Y/N. We broke up two years ago due to a mistake I made, but I need to explain things to them. They deserve to know the truth." He looks up to see your friend glaring at him, as she says, "That was you? You broke my best friend's heart? How could you? I'm not letting you anywhere near them, you jerk"
"Please, just give me 5 minutes, and I'll explain everything to you. Then you can decide if I deserve one more chance." When your friend doesn't say anything, Felix launches into his own version of things, explaining himself and his actions. Once he's done, your friend is still glaring at him, but he notices a smile tugging at her lips.
"You have been nothing but a complete and utter jerk to them. And honestly, you deserve to get your ass kicked by them. But I know that they still love you, and the way you are repenting what you did tells me that you love them too. So I give you my blessing. They'll be here in the evening at 6, be here before then." Felix hugs her super tight at that, with the biggest smile plastered on his face while thanking her. She adds, "But if you hurt them again, I swear I'm gonna murder you with my own two hands." "It won't come to that, I promise."
Felix arrives at the bakery at 10 minutes to six, and the moment he enters, your friend shoves him into the kitchen, asking him to stay there till you come. Once she leaves, he starts pacing up and down, raking his hand nervously through his hair. He tries to prepare what he is going to say, but gives up when he realizes that it would all go out the window when he sees you.
Meanwhile, the moment you step inside the bakery, your friend pretends to be busy setting stuff up on the counter, and asks you to bring in some things from the kitchen. Unassuming, you start walking towards the kitchen doors, when she notices your swollen eyes and exclaimed "Babe, have you been crying?" You muster up a fake smile and tell him that it's just you not feeling well, but unknown to you, Felix heard your friend, and guilt washes over him again. But he doesn't have time to wallow in it, as soon after, you step in.
The way your expression morphs into one of pure sadness breaks his heart into a million pieces, and when you say, "What more do you want from me?" while holding back tears, it takes everything in him to stop from falling to his knees and begging forgiveness. He tries to speak, but you hold up a finger, indicating you aren't finished. "Now that you've found me again, was it not enough for you to have me admit that what you did to me made me stop believing in love? Do you even want to rub it in my face by telling me how happy your are with your partner? If that is so, then please, just get lost, I'm begging you."
Tears are now streaming down your face, and Felix finds himself saying, "Just please. Let me explain. You deserve to know the truth and my feelings and intentions. If after that, you want me to leave, I swear, you will never have to see me again." You can't look at him, but when you don't reply, he says, "I promise that this is the real truth behind what I did. Please hear me out. I lied when I said I had found someone else. There is no 'someone else,' and there never will be one. The only person I've loved, the only person I still love, is you. It'll always be you."
"The company made me break up with you, and threatened me that the group will face consequences if I didn't do as they had asked. I that that if I outright told you the real reason, it would hurt you. And so, I decided to lie to you in order to make you hate me, even if it broke my heart. But never did I ever think that it would damage you so badly, and I know I've been stupid, but I can't help but ask for you to forgive me, and give me one last chance. I know I've been a total jerk to you, and even now, I'm being nothing but selfish, but I just want you to know that I still love you. I'll understand if you want nothing to do with me, and I'll walk away forever. But you deserved to get closure, and I hope that if you do choose to give up on me, you will now be able to love again, and trust again."
By the time he stops talking, the both of you are sobbing hard. You ask him, "Are you done?" When he nods, you say, "You say that you will walk away if I choose to give up on you. But do you really think I'll be able to give up on you? If I couldn't stop loving you even when you broke up with me in the cruelest way possible, what makes you think I'll stop loving you now that I know that you went through the same pain as me? You knew what the truth was, and you still had to hide it. I can only imagine how hurtful that must have been, Felix. I hate myself for believing your stupid lie, for ever doubting the love you had for me. I'm sorry, and I forgive you."
Felix looks up at you, surprised. It takes him some time to process your words, and when he does, he asks you, "What does that mean....for us?" To this, you shyly reply, "Well, I never stopped loving you, and if you didn't either, then should we give us another try?" Felix smiles the brightest he has in ages, as he slowly comes closer to you. Cupping your face, he wipes off your tears, as you proceed to do the same. "I promise I'll never let you go again," he says softly. You giggle and say, "You'd do well to keep that promise," before biting your lip.
"Is it okay if I kiss you?," he asks. You nod in response, causing him to gently place his lips on yours. And for the first time in a while, you feel like you're home.
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thatgoblin · 3 years ago
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Chris Redfield and Leon Kennedy x Rookie Reader Headcannons
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Leon
At first you were in awe of your lead. THE Leon S. Kennedy was showing you the ropes and helping train you for the job you'd dreamed of. Hero worship was common in this line of work, but you did your best to keep it to a minimum. You didn't want to embarrass yourself after all.
In place of that hero worship came this insatiable need to make Leon proud. Whether it was memorizing and nailing every written exam or physical test, you wanted to earn his praise.
You worked hard, harder than almost everyone it seemed. Leon never saw you slacking and saw how serious you were about the job. Protecting people was what you had always wanted to do with your life.
So when the grades came back that you weren't doing so hot, you were mortified. How could you let this happen? You didn't slack off, you studied everything you could get your hands on, hell you watched instructional videos on YouTube before bed! But you still weren't making a passing grade.
You thought you would be okay with the physical part, but no matter how hard you trained, no matter the extra hours you put in, you just couldn't seem to get what everyone else did. The moves were simple, why couldn't you just grasp them?
The only thing you thought you had going for you was the firing range, but even that was less than acceptable. Every time you tried to do something the pressure got to you and you messed up. You were so busy trying to make sure you didn't fail Leon that you were failing yourself.
It was when you were called into your commanding officer's office to speak about your grades that you were sure you were done. You were given two weeks that were used for break to study and practice and retest. But you'd already had nearly four months and the best you could do was subpar.
You were in your room, packing your bags because you knew you were going to be kicked out of the program when Leon showed up.
"Hey, Kid, you leaving for break?" He asked as he leaned against the door frame of your dorm.
"Uh. . . No," you said, hanging your head in shame. "I'm flunking out. Figured that it would just be easier to pack my bag now than wait later till I was officially asked to leave."
"What? How are you flunking?" Leon asked, straightening up. "I watch you every day and you're one of the hardest working cadets I've seen."
"Hard work doesn't mean much when you can't apply it correctly," you said. "I can't get the fighting technique right, the written exams are all a bust, and I can't even shoot a gun right. I don't deserve to be here."
"Have you asked for help or for someone to tutor you? That's what I'm here for, you know," he said, moving into the room to sit on the bed next to you.
You stared at the floor as you took a deep breath, feeling all the insecurities come rushing through to the surface.
"I didn't want to disappoint you," you said. "I mean, I wanted to do it all myself without help. I wanted to make you proud that you were my lead. If I was always asking for help, what good does that do? It shows that I can't do something on my own and need my hand held like some baby."
Leon sighed as he folded his hands together between his knees.
"I get it. I do. Wanting to make your leader proud and show how good you are, but we're a team here. No one is by themselves. You're only so good as your team is and if you're not doing well then that's a reflection on us," he said.
"Oh god, are you guys getting in trouble because of me?" You asked, looking at him horrified that you were possibly making things hard for your team.
"No, no, I mean. . . We're a team for a reason. You have to lean on us and trust us so when we need to, we can lean on you and trust you. If you need help studying or practicing outside of classes, I'll help you. That's why I'm here. It can be hard to ask for help in any situation cause it means you're admitting to a weakness, but that's okay. That's how we get stronger as individuals and as a team," Leon said.
You nod with a sigh. "I have two weeks to get better before I officially am asked to leave. I don't know if I can do it on my own," you said. "Can you help me?"
"Of course. I've got your back, Kid," Leon said, giving you a soft smile.
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Chris
The B.S.A.A. was not for rookies, but they needed recruits so here you were. They provided training on weapons, protocol, how to work the gear, basically everything. Because they wanted everyone to be a well oiled machine out in the field, they made sure if you couldn't cut it that you didn't make it out of training. It was life and death and while they needed the hands, they weren't sending people out to die.
The trainers rotated to take classes of trainees. You were lucky enough to get the legendary Chris Redfield for your class leader. He would be teaching everything and making sure that everyone was ready. You had heard of him before, knowing that he was a weathered agent and could almost do anything was daunting.
Which was probably why you tried to avoid him at all costs in one on one situations. He wasn't mean or an ass, but he was intimidating. His stature and history were more than enough to show he knew exactly what he was talking about. You didn't want to feel stupid or embarrass yourself, so you kept him at a distance as you worked almost on your own.
Sure there were classes and work that you were trained in, but just the fear of being the weak link in front of others was hindering you. All of your tests and physical training was mediocre at best. Sure there were people that weren't going to cut it obviously, but you were much closer to their end of the spectrum than the other end that was running circles around you.
It wasn't that you couldn't do it. You could, but sometimes you froze up because your hands did something your mind didn't want to do or nerves made you stutter and stumble over your words. Everyone in the class at least had a background in the military or the police force or FBI or CIA or some other group that was similar to this.
You on the other hand did not. You came from a more technical background rather than a physical one. While you were miles ahead on the written tests, the physical ones were going to kill your career.
So when the notice went out that you were on the chopping block to be let go unless you could prove you were capable of being in the field, you weren't surprised.
Half of you wanted to keep trying, but the other half was telling you to pack up and go. You weren't unique or special, so why bother to continue to try?
It was when you were were working with one of the large guns by the shooting range, that Chris approached you. Before then, you two hadn't said a word to each other outside of the classes or even directly to each other.
So when his large frame took a seat across from you, folding his hands on the table after setting a file next to him, watching you with the gun, you weren't sure what to think.
"Hi," you said, freezing as you looked from the gun to him.
"Y/N, right?" He asked. You nodded as you set the pieces of gun on the table. "Why are you here?"
Oh Jesus, no. Why now? Why here?
"Uh," you said, blinking rapidly as your brain tried to come up with an answer. "Because I wanna help people."
"That's usually the answer I get," he said, sitting back to let his hands drop into his lap. "That or 'to kill bio weapons.' That's also a popular one."
"Yeah?" You said, unsure of what he was getting at.
"But I don't think it's why you're here," Chris said. "Because I think you don't know why you're here." Opening the file, you could see it was all information about you. Your background, schooling, family, credit score, even online usernames. They had everything. "When I was looking through the potential trainee's info, you struck me as odd. It's not exactly an every day thing that we get people who are more tech inclined rather than have a police or military background, but it happens. Usually they wash out though and end up in our research department."
"But I don't want to be in the research department," you said, frowning. Was he going to push you over to that section of the organization? You didn't want to be there though, otherwise you would have applied there.
"Every time I talk to someone and they have the chance to go to research after speaking to them about it, they take it," Chris said. "They figured out they can't cut doing the ground work so they move to a different field, but not you. I see you everyday in training, working your ass off to keep up with everyone and you almost make it. Not quite, but almost. Almost isn't going to cut it out on a mission."
"I know, I just. . . I'm working on it," you said, trying not to sound hateful or rude as your hands started to move on autopilot, putting your gun back together. "I'm really trying and I just can't get over this stupid hump that's holding me back."
"What's that? What's holding you back?" Chris asked.
"Me. I'm holding myself back," you said with a sigh. "I second guess everything because everyone around me has the experience that I don't, but I know I can do it. I just choke when it's time to act."
"I know you have some experience that they don't," Chris said. You nodded, understanding what he was talking about.
"I was a kid when it happened, I could barely call it working experience," you said, pushing the empty magazine into the gun.
"It was for Sherry Birkin," Chris said. "Raccoon City for a 9 year old isn't something to sniff at. From what the reports said, you were by yourself for three days before you made it out."
"Yeah," you said, nodding as you moved to the handgun next, disassembling it easily. "Hid in my apartment till I saw military trucks driving by then ran out."
"You lost your whole family to what we're training you to fight," Chris said, keeping his eyes on your hands as your fingers moved without faltering as you put the gun back together. "You were a kid when that happened. I say it still counts for experience that no one else really has. You know what you're doing with the infected and you know what it's like in the aftermath. We need people who know what it's like so that we can stop it from happening again."
"So what do you propose?" You asked, looking up as you finished putting the handgun back together. "After school training? Tutoring? Or do you want me to be counselor for survivors or shove me off to R and D?"
Chris chuckled as he closed the folder to look up at your face.
"I'm not gonna cut you," he said. "You know what you're doing and you're right. You're hang up is yourself. I'm gonna work with you to get over it. It's probably one the easiest things to work through really."
"You mean I can stay?" You asked, relaxing back into the chair, not even realizing you had grown so tense.
"Yeah. I just watched you take those weapons apart and put them back together in record time without even pausing," he said, pointing to the guns in front of you. "I want to work with you, Y/N. This isn't going to be an easy fight, but I really believe you have what it takes to be a good B.S.A.A. agent."
"Thank you, Sir," you said, smiling softly. "I appreciate that."
"You're welcome. We'll start some one on one combat training tomorrow before class. You're going to be working double what the others are, but it'll be for the best in the long run," he said.
"Whatever it takes, I'll do what I need to," you said.
"Glad to here it. Now, while we're here in the shooting range, let's test your aim."
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yzkhr · 4 years ago
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A Christmas oneshot featuring Shinichi and Sonoko with a little bit of Shinran as well
May everyone enjoy the rest of the year and Happy Holidays!
-
"So," the twenty two year-old Suzuki Sonoko asked for the nth time as she peeks out of the dressing room, yawning as she languidly modeled a pink ribboned dress, "remind me again why I'm here at the mall shopping for fancy outfits instead of sleeping in my day off? And with you of all people."
The man in question, former highschool detective now a respected police officer Kudo Shinichi, shooked his head and looked at the dress with dissaprovement before answering.
"Because, it's almost Christmas and I need to give Ran something." he then picked out another pink dress from the rack, this time it's off shoulder and too lacy for Sonokos' taste. "How about this one?"
"Why do I need to be here then? It's not like I know Ran more than you do. You guys literally moved in together as soon as you turned eighteen." It was now her turn to disagree as she glared rather offensively at the outfit. Shinichi being the receiver of such look all throughout his life, got the message and brings it back to where it was five seconds ago.
"I've been giving Ran all the stuff she wanted since we were little kids. I'm running out of ideas you know." he admitted with his face slightly flushed at the mention of their immediate live in, as if remembering everyones' knowing looks back when they first announced it.
She grinned, catching on to what the detective is trying to get to (Or at least what she interprets he's trying to get through) "So, what you're saying is, that you need my amazing skills and judgement as someone who not only has the best fashion sense in Beika but also as Rans' one and only bestfriend?"
The woman compliments herself and walked across to choose from two blouses on the nearest shelf that caught her eyes as she acts unbothered while Shinichis' face turned sour.
"I knew I should've just called Haibara for help." he mumbled under his breath, eyebrows twitching at sight of his overconfident childhood friend. His complaint didn't go unheard however, as the Suzuki Heiress' head turned at the sound, eyes sharp and accusing.
"What did you say?" voice low and threatening, she asked. Shinichi could have answered honestly and annoy her enough for her to leave right then and there but he remembered, that if Sonoko were to leave through the shops' doors, so would his chances of suprising and making Ran happy with his present.
So, with the thought of satisfying his girl, he gulped down both his saliva and repressed pride as he puts on a facsimile of a smile.
"I said, 'yes, you're absolutely right Suzuki-san.'" Sonoko seemed to buy his false agreement as her face broke into a smile of triumph, treading through one of the clothing racks while laughing as if she won the loterry.
Shinichi on the other hand reaches out to his phone, contemplating whether he should just call Haibara over. But then he decided against it, coming to the conclusion that he rather handle a proud woman he had known all his life, than another proud woman who he had only been aware of for about a quarter of it.
Wary and defeated, he sighed as he followed. "Let's just get this over with."
-
After debating and choosing among hundreds of clothes and outfits for literal hours, it's hard for Sonoko to pretend and act oblivious when all the eyes and peeking they keep receiving from different women started becoming full on stares. What's even more uncomfortable would be the fact that she's not even supposed to be the one bothered but the man beside her!
Well, she can't blame them. It is rare for a man to be in store specifically made for women. She remembered how she once brought Makoto in a boutique and all she got were cute skirts and an embarrassed karate boyfriend on the way home.
The ladies were too expressive however, that even she can't help but feel restless. Most girls gaze at the detective with eyes clearly full of admiration, some with an uneasy amount of lust Sonoko just had to look away from, others even fuss and giggle around in groups, their topic so painfully obvious with the way they steal glances every now and then.
It makes her want to raise an eyebrow all day long, wondering what these females and specially her bestfriend saw in this man that she just couldn't figure out. To Suzuki Sonoko, Kudo Shinichi was, is, and always will be a mystery nerd with—she'll have to admit— good looks, intelligent mind, high morale, but unfortunately, possesses an insensitive and sarcastic personality she can't take ( even though ironically, his personality is too similar to her own).
But, then again, as she watches him put intense effort into judging and observing every attire in his view with undivided attention as if uncovering a crime scene when in fact, it's only about finding a Christmas gift all the while remaining innocent from the various gaping all around him, Sonoko almost thought Ran is also lucky to have him as a boyfriend.
Almost.
Wanting to distract herself, she attempts to converse. " What are you trying to find exactly? We've been here for hours and we still can't find something good enough for your taste."
He flinched, startled at the sudden voice. Once recovered, puts his hand on his jaw and looks up to the ceiling, similar to when he tries to piece together objects and clues that doesn't have any connections at the surface.
"Hmm, I want a present that, you know, when she opens it, she'll be really impressed. But I also want it simple since Ran's not a fan of grand plannings. She's always so extra and thoughtful when it comes to giving but hates receiving anything like them. So, I want a gift she'll absolutely love but won't complain about how expensive or time consuming it is."
The way a certain detective says his words while wearing an expression Sonoko only ever had the chance of seeing when their childhood friend is involved makes her want to tease but she keeps quiet instead, letting him keep his pride.
The brown haired woman laughed and silently agreed at his sentiment. Ran had always been so creative when it comes to preparing other peoples' present but feels guilty when they do the same. It was honestly endearing.
"Then, why a dress? Why not a book? Ran loves books, doesn't she?" she wondered. Shinichi shooks his head at the suggestion. "She's been too busy lately. I'm pretty sure she won't even have a chance of opening it."
"Then plan her a vacation!" he deadpanned and reminded her. "She doesn't like grand thing, remember?"
"A romantic date?"
"Did that on our first year together."
"Watch a movie?"
"Too simple."
" Expensive dinner?"
"Done with that on our third year."
"Aaah!" Sonoko whined in frustration. "I don't know, kiss or make out with her on Christmas or something!" she finally blurted out, having no ideas left whatsoever.
A few seconds of silence between the two passed and realization kicks in. Worried at how suddenly unresponsive Shinichi is, Sonoko glances to apologize if she angered him at her careless outburst.
"I'm sorry! It was a joke--Shinichi-kun?" her words died out, distress turning into confusion. Rather than a glare or an indifferent countenance, she was met by a very flustered Shinichi, with all the blood in his body seemingly gathering at his face while his eyes looks at anywhere but hers. With that, Sonoko slowly made a deduction.
"Y-you already did it?" ever so quietly she asks in disbelief. When his face got even redder than before, she got her unspoken confirmation.
With that, Sonoko laughed.
Her uncontrollable cackling attracted everyone's attention, including the dazed detective who stood up almost instantaneously, aware of his unconscious slip-up.
"B-Barou! W-We never did such a thing! Your sudden vulgarity just surprised me!" his cover ups were left unheard, as the Suzuki's Heiress guffaws were too loud.
Suddenly, Sonoko got an idea.
She stopped laughing, but the smile on her face foreshadowed a terrible feeling to Shinichi, who wanted nothing more but to go home, away from embarrassment. She runs off before he can even stop her from further humiliation she'll surely cause.
He inhaled and exhaled, trying to calm himself down and lose the apparent redness of his visage. His little breathing exercise proved to be useless however, with Sonoko coming back holding something that made his face as reddest it had ever been, even comparable to the blood he sees on the crime scenes.
On Sonokos' hands lay the thinnest piece of clothing he had ever seen, with it's laces and uncomfortably soft looking silk barely even covering anything but the important parts. It didn't help how seductive the color was, crimson, just like his face right now as he stared at it. Out of all the things the woman could have brought him, it had to be this. It just had to be a fucking lingerie.
"Wha--" he started but was cut off with her mouth that Shinichi begged she should've just shut.
"I found the perfect gift! And it's even red!" she held it up even more, showing a clearer picture that Shinichi didn't know if he regrets seeing.
"You--"
"It's simple but I assure you that Ran would love it!"
"So--"
"What's even better, is that not only will she love it, you'll love it too--"
He thankfully, thankfully, cuts her off, not only being heard by the everyone in the store, but probably the entire shopping mall of Beika.
"SONOKO!"
He really should've just called Haibara. Or better yet, cooked a fancy dinner for Ran as a Christmas gift instead.
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nightswithkookmin · 4 years ago
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JIKOOK AND THEIR SHENANIGANS-pt1
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Disclaimer:
This is my opinion and perspective of Jikook. I do not intend nor imply malice by my choice of words or by my interpretations of BTS' contents. Nor do I intend to be disrespectful of any member herein mentioned.
Do not take my words out of context in furtherance of your own agenda. You are the author of your own intentions and interpretations. If you do hold yourself accountable first.
PREFACE
I am done with with Jikook. Lol
I swear to God by the time they officially come out as a couple, if they ever do, I'm going to be left with severe PTSD.
Pray for me.
A lot has happened with Jikook these past few weeks. A devastating lot. Everything was going great and smooth and boom- we were hit with yet another anomaly in their dynamics. It was usual given us most of the things that had happened were entirely new to their dynamics yet not at all surprising in the grand scheme of things simply because unpredictability is Jikook's schtik and as I've come to terms with, part of their dynamics- you'll get used to it if you are new. Welcome to the club. Lol
I have shared snippets of my thoughts here and there on this whole development as and when it unfolded and said I wasn't going to deliver a comprehensive commentary until later so here it is- grab a glass of wine or coffee. It's gonna be long. Bless.
WHY I WAS HOLDING BACK
Contrary to what some people say and assume about me, I don't pull my opinions on Jikook from my ass- a dollar to the jar. Lol. I don't base my perspective on Jikook's relationship and dynamics on puff and nada. Where is the fun in that? I may be delusional about somethings but... Anywho.
I have said time and again how when it comes to Jikook moments there's always context and subtexts we are missing- it's a challenge trying to fill in the gaps. Probably part of the reason I'm obsessed with their dynamics. Lol.
Most of the theories I share with you on here are based on my observations of Jikooks interactions over a period of time. My objective has always been to try and understand the motivations (context) behind their moments and interactions, some of which I find fit a pattern while others- I never want to tackle or even think about without several pain killers and depressants until years later when a piece of content is released to provide better insights into their dynamics.
Jimin's birthday is one such moment for me. While I understood and even predicted JM's use of 5/8 in May this year was going to be a substitute for May 13 because I felt Jikook were not in a good place, were under heavy scrutiny in SK within that time period- starting with that March 30th VLive which I believe had led to a ban on Jikook using the platform on their own(especially Jimin- JK was already under ban but we will get into it later) given as BTS's content had changed drastically with heavy VLive supervision and the pg 13 contents they were made to make post that JM's VLive; then there was rumors of Dispatch's alleged conflict with BigHit, BigHit's IPO, Jungkook's Itaewon scandal- which of course were all confirmed later on that month, I felt the prospect wasn't looking good for Jikook to Jikook as wildly and as openly as they did.
Now you all know about my wild assumption about JM taking space out of their relationship due to JK coming on strong around that time so I'll spare the details.
Contrastingly, post BigHit's IPO, post Soop since Stay Gold era I felt things were looking great for Jikook. They were back to Jikooking. I felt they weren't being monitored as much by their bandmates and had a new found freedom within BigHit to do their own things as it appeared BigHit had begun 'managing' and presenting them as a brand- which I have written dissertations upon dissertations on so I won't get into.
JK and JM had started their online flirty banter thingy, even Dispatch seemed good with Bighit posting BTS official photos etc. Jimin too posted for JK on his birthday, JK came out on social media to gear up for JM's birthday and then puff- ashes. We hit a wall.
Now I know some people are speculating there was too much attention on Jikook within this time frame which is why JK didn't post- uhhmm, I don't buy it that view. There's always attention on Jikook. It's usually the negative attention like around March-June that holds them back from Jikooking. In opinion. I wouldn't call the attention they are or were getting within that time period negative.
Then there were some who speculated JK wasn't going to post because he hadn't posted for any of the members since Jin's birthday last year which again I didn't buy into. Jk is fearless and doesn't shy aware from making bold expressions of his love for Jimin. Him posting for Jimin would have been a bold move but nothing exactly new.
We've seen his GCFs. Enough said.
Personally, I felt he had showed up on social media a few days to JM's birthday to promote his music but to also prepare the grounds for when he posts on Jimin's birthday.
I genuinely felt he was gonna 'out' Jimin with that post and have people raising all kinds of brows like they did with GCF Tokyo, Saipan and Helsinki. Lol
Why did I think he was going to do this?
DECEMBER 4TH 2019
Jin's birthday. Now I have given y'all the back ground to this timeline and so I will just hit the highlights- Rosebowl, New Jersey VLive, JK getting drunk on his Jun VLive which I felt led to a ban on him from making solo live on VApp since 2019 to date- his recent Solo live was on YouTube mind you.
Prior to this I felt he and JM had earned a ban from making a VLive together until their 2020 VLive which was heavily monitored as I have speculated in past posts- again this is just my opinion.
JK, I felt, was being 'reckless' within this period. He was making bold moves and pushing the boundaries of his relationship with Jimin and even teasing the gates of the glass closet they are in. It certainly didn't help that the You too movement in S.K and the whole Idol sex abuse scandals in Kpop was on going as I've mentioned before-which had led to August's issues. Again you know my theory on the whole tattoo girl scandal so skipping.
October we had the whole cancel Jikook hashtag trending after Jikook's performance of I still want you and the whole you are me, I am you schtick.
In all of this I felt Jikook were fine.
November is when I noticed Jikook having 'issues' in their relationship (rolling my eyes at Silver) lol. Now again I won't go into all of that but you can check the real time contents/ behind scenes content on BTS around the time period and draw your own conclusions on that.
Then came the December ups and downs, JM flinching and dropping his face when JK went to sit by him in Jin's VLive- JK's awkwardness around Jimim. Now I know some people interpret this Live as that they were fighting? I won't call it fight fight perse. Lol. Issues, perhaps?Just seemed to me JM wanted to keep a low profile because again they were under heavy public scrutiny around the time which was what I feel was causing RM to keep an eye on them throughout that period- by keeping an eye on them I mean he was invoking the spirit of Jesus between them Pentecostal style. Bless him.
But seems JK wasn't having none of that, clearly. Lmho. There were already alot of restrictions on him since June in the way he used social media(Vapp) he and JM were not allowed to VLive together, he couldn't solo Vlive no more and now he couldn't even sit right with his man- I approve of the frying pans Jk. I APPROVE. Lol.
All this is my opinion of course.
But I think that is what he meant when he kept saying it's been a while he did a solo live and didn't even know how to do one anymore in his recent YouTube live- Jk can be passive aggressive in that way but we will get into that YouTube live in a bit. Hang in there.
So with all this going on I felt I understood him when he missed Jin's birthday on Twitter. Felt like a silent protest to me. But then again I thought perhaps it was just an impulsive act on his part.
Then he missed Tae's Birthday too and I thought hold on- this man is up to something. He was gonna a statement with that in retaliation to all the ban and sanctions and interferences with his personal life.
I was just following this whole drama with anxious glee towards a big reveal and then- cricket's ass ass deadass. Chilee. This man is cruel! Lol. I'm gonna need therapy to process this one on god! Lol JK!
My Right brain said perhaps, others had been right after all and he hadn't done all of that missed birthdays on purpose at all but had only acted impulsively in the heat of the moment given everything that had been going on with the group in around Jin's birthday- Mama 2019, we all know what had happened.
I felt perhaps, the moment he missed Jin's then he had to miss everyone's because if he wished any other person a happy birthday people were going to ask questions. People were going to assume he hated whoever he didn't wish a happy birthday.
But then my left brain- the crazy delulu side, also thought otherwise. I had a funny feeling that JK really intended to post only for Jimin on his birthday since he had been gearing up for it and that the only reason he wouldn't go through with it was if JM had asked him not to.
Why would JM do that? Because he enjoys the glass closet- he loves to flex his bond with JK, tease their relationship, claim his man, he wants people to know JK is his man because he is happy with him and proud of the man that he is but that doesn't mean he is ready to come out as LGBTQ plus. In my opinion.
JK I feel was done hiding the moment he posted GCF in Saipan- he gets right with us. Bless him.
JK often weaponizes their 'secret' against Jimin and hold's it over his head sometimes- so often when Jimin is on his Kumbaya agenda with the group taking their sides on things relating to their relationship JK switches on him and tries to expose Jimin- if you're just gonna help them burn us, I'm just gonna blow the whole operation out in the open and we are all going down. Chilee!
God, I felt Jk was going to expose Jikook for real! 🤣 Don't mess with JK and his Jimin- even Jimin himself gets burns sometimes.
Remember when JK threatened to expose a picture of himself with a hickey if JM didn't stay and do a VLive with him? Remember that? JK scares me for real when he is on his Jikook agenda! Lol
I felt he knew exactly what he was doing just as he knew exactly what he was doing with Saipan and editing of Helsinki. He just reiterated it in his recent live- which we will get into soon. He pointed out how he had gone to ask the members to describe the feelings they wanted to express through the MV he directed.
He admitted yet again in that live how he expresses his feelings, HIS FEELINGS, through his art and music- for all those who keep saying you can't tell JK loves JM just because he doesn't do the things JM does. Lmho.
And so I was heavily confused by these two conflicting theories in my brain. Which is why I kept saying I didn't want to jump into conclusions, that I was going to need more content yadda yadda yadda.
Which brings me to my resolution for JM's birthday saga.
POST JIMIN'S BIRTHDAY
Jimin enjoys been treated special. It's part of his love language. Jk has always treated him like he is special to him. And I know people claim it's just a birthday post- sure. But I understand also that Jimin doesn't Joke with his birthday. His father doesn't Joke with his birthday and clearly neither does JK- given as even before they all started the exchanging of gifts culture that he was giving presents to JM and JM alone within the group.
Besides, he's said he reads the members birthday messages to him on social media and have gone ahead to read some of them on his birthday Vlives in the past. So I can't say JK not posting was nothing.
My resolution was simple. I was going to examine their interactions post Jimin's birthday to see if their dynamics had flipped to see if JK not posting for JM's birthday had in anyway affected their relationship.
If JM's birthday meant something to him. Jk was going to make it up to him- openly. Deadass but in my opinion. Lol.
That's one aspect of Jikook's dynamics you can always count on- hopefully. Lol.
They have a way of reassuring eachother of their love and affection. And I don't know what happened to put the fear of God in both of them but lord are they both scared of pissing the other off! Jesus! Not sure if it's the whippery but damn- they are both crazy for that.
For instance, take JinMin's VLive right before the New Jersey Vlive. JM posted immediately after their live had ended to say he is sorry and loves JK on Twitter. And y'all saw him when JK panned to him on the bed? I've never seen a man so terrified of another man in my entire shipping life- Manila must have put the fear of JK in him, which THANK GOD! lol. Jimin plays too much. Lmho.
Never knew a hyung needed permission from a dongsaeng to leave a room until that day. Chileee! Jin had pulled a prank on JK too but I didn't see him wetting his pants and blowing kithes to JK- come at me with Jinkook is real, see what happens. Lol
Then GCF in Tokyo! I know to some it seemed like a random act of confession on JK's part but boy did he have motivation! He don stressed JM out to the ends of the world with those weird ass rumors (again not gonna mention it because it's very controversial 'saesangs' nature) if you know good for you but chilee you didn't hear it here. Lol
Then there was that whole photoshoot and JM looking like he wanted to kill JK lol right around August 2017. Which I have discussed in one of my blog posts. I think it's in a lot of jeonlous. I'll link it later- if I find it.
Then the almighty 2019 Tattoo Girl scandal, I'm not talking about the August scandal. I'm talking about the one on JM's birthday last year which launched the severe 'I am sorry' hashtags in JK's post on JM's birthday. In my opinion definitely.
The Tattoo girl's shop had wanted until Jimin's birthday, almost a month after the incident, to release a statement which blew up the incident again and almost overshadowed JM's birthday.
Chilee, the delulu in me felt that was intentional. They just wanted to hurt JK by ruining his man's birthday for him- never let him forget. Lol. These evil masterminds. Chilee!
In my opinion. Please.
My point is, JM and JK do make out in efforts to fix their relationship. And usually, I find whoever is in the wrong takes the most initiatives- not to say all the GCFs was because of a fight. Personally I take Saipan and Helsinki more seriously than Tokyo. Just saying.
And of course we all saw JM fly all the way from Paris on JK's birthday- talk of grand gestures and extending Olive branches. Chilee, I'm single!
I was going to wait till I could see who was reassuring who after JM's birthday to see who was in the 'wrong' know what I mean? Like who is putting in more effort to let us know they are a thing?
After their March/May shenanigans that was JK with the thirst traps and shit on Weverse, which brought JM around and he started opening up taking initiatives of his own like in the Dynamite MV reaction VLive.
Afterwards it all seemed pretty mutual to me and they were vibing. Jikook was a Vibe. Sigh.
THE PHOTOSHOOT SAGA
Now I know some people assert they don't see the 'tensions' in that behind the scenes photoshoot but we would have to agree to disagree on that because I saw that as tension between Jikook as I explained in my last post.
Jk walked right past and around Jimin without a word- chileee. JM was 'extroverted' with everyone but Jk- chilee chileee. This is weird as fuck. Lmho.
Prior to this shoot I had my eyes on Tae, RM Jk due to the Twitter war that I felt was going on between them in the days leading up to the concert. If they had anything to do with JK not posting on JM's birthday it was gonna leave trails.
Jk loves everyone but fuck with his relationship with his man and you're- poor Namjoon. Lol.
I refrained from discussing the photoshoot video or conceptualizing a theory around it because for the love of me I couldn't tell who was mad at who in that footage.
They all seemed equally mad to me. Jk had his usual don't fuck with my man mood on with that glare he gave RM causing RM to back away from JM and that attitude he gave Jin right after- which I have already speculated on in my last post.
The stare down contest between him and JM was equally nerve wracking and reminded me of that interview stare down contest between Jikook around Manila.
And I know I mentioned the 'elite' squad backing up Jimin in that moment. Chilee, I was too tired to explain that term because I had been writing for a whole day nonstop but that is the term I give to RM, Hobi, Jin as the hyungs/ elders who enable JM's shenanigans most often in the group.
JK usually pans them down when he and JM are going at it.
I feel Tae, JK, Suga are the ones that stay on JM's neck and calls his bull the most out of all the boys- Y'all don't wanna know what I call them. Lol. Perhaps, I should call them Silver? Chilee, girl don stayed my neck, put the fear of Moses in me! Lol
It felt as if, whatever the problem was, they both had an interest at stake in that moment in my opinion and they were battling it out. Besides, 5 days had gone by and for the love of me I had no idea why that mood was still persisting especially if it had anything to do with Jimin's birthday.
But I understand JM had been away with his family after the concert and had spent his birthday with his family so perhaps they couldn't resolve things within that time period. And JK it seemed had also thrown himself into work from what he said on his YouTube Live, filming and directing and shit- good for him. JM's wedding suit won't buy itself. Lol
So now the Jikook Solo lives.
JIKOOK SOLO LIVES
Now y'all know I was waiting for this one. I told y'all I was waiting to see how BTS interacted with the VApp post Soop. Y'all know my conspiracy theory on this- the whole Jikook were banned from using it, JK was banned after his last VLive in June last year and how JM was banned in March this year after JK intercepted Jin's call and asked him on a date and said the whole I love you kithes thingy- they are trouble.
Then I talked about how JK had been trying to rebel in retaliation, the whole team up with Tae to expose BigHit on Weverse after their live.
I don't think much has changed in that regard. He still didn't do his Live on the VApp and through out his YouTube live he kept hinting at how BigHit had sabotaged his passion- he claimed he had lost his passion for GCF( at least that's how I took it) and that GCF felt more like work than something he did out of passion.
He threw jabs here and there at BigHit complaining about how he didn't even know how to do them Live logs anymore because it had been a while he did them- the lies Jeon Jungkook ne spilling! You was on a live with RM not too long ago what do you mean it's been long! *smirk.
Jimin did the same thing too but in a more subtle way I feel. He kept saying how he didn't know his way around the app, how the staff had set it up for him and JK said the same thing-but more aggressively. Lol.
It seems JK was just going to turn on the Live, keep it business and yeet himself out of there- just like people want him to do(to be professional and not expose his relationship- chileee, JK is that too much to ask? Sigh.
JK is really passive aggressive like the Silver Squad- see what I did there? Lol. Tae and Suga have taught him well. It's that control thingy, I feel. He hates it. He hates when he is controlled by anyone- except Jimin apparently.
He really enjoys and wants the freedom to do what he wants- rather dead than cool. Chilee! It's how he was raised I believe. He is a very independent free spirited individual, I keep saying.
All that, "it's awkward' 'it's been awhile I did this' yea he ain't slick. *smirk.
Another interesting thing I noticed is how both him and JM tried to keep the other's name out of their mouths- well Jimin tried. Dude couldn't help himself bless him.
I just think they have been cautioned to keep a really low profile on the app especially in regards to how they use the app, what they share on the app- no eye fucking, no weird tensions staring into eachother's souls, no I love you's in the background and certainly NO BONERS!
All in all, my impression of those two Lives was that- Jimin had baited BigHit when he posted that 'see you soon on VApp.' In my opinion.
I think he did that to force BigHit's hands. Jk did the same with his 'I can't do live logs on my own now' statement.
Jimin had put BigHit in a tight corner when he read that 'I miss Jungkook' comment. And the way he kept it pushing afterwards- the next day BigHit was like, y'all this is Simba. Hair slicked back and all. Take him. Lol.
I keep saying the one thing BigHit is scared of is a scandal. They really don't want people asking certain questions that's going to make them look bad especially towards their artists- in my opinion. BigHit please it's my opinion. Let the records show. Lol.
And as I keep saying, BTS and even Jikook have a way of weaponizing their social media Influence against BigHit- that nearly 9 million viewers Jimin read out on his VLive certainly gave BigHit a push to call out JK. Lol.
Personally, I was curious as I said earlier as to how that VLive was going to be live. Whether it was going to be monitored heavily like their lives were after the March 30th incident.
I was curious to see if he would appear on YouTube or VApp. As it stands, it seems whatever ban was placed on JM from having Solo Lives on the App has been lifted
And it seems he was fighting for his man too in the most kumbaya way possible- Jimin! Lolololol. He is hilarious. Bless him
I just hope JK doesn't call in on JM's future VLives again to ask him on a date- again cos damn that would chaotic. Lol.
It's crazy to me how people still look at JK and ask if he loves JM at all- damn if he isn't carrying their relationship on his back!
It seems for now he still isn't allowed a solo VLive on the App and from the Way he kept saying he couldn't do a log alone it seems he is pushing to have that freedom to have a VLive with JM again- I don't know. I might be delulu. Lol
As to whether JK was the wrong party for not posting on JM's birthday I still don't know. Would have to observe their interactions a bit more.
So far from their lives the only one who was making efforts to feed us was Jimin with the whole 10/13 Mickey Mouse thingy which we all know is reference to Jikook.
If my hypothesis is right, JM would be coming out here with heart eyes, clinging to JK, making all the efforts while JK has the mood he had during the On era again- acting like he not whipped but he whipped- bless him.
Sigh.
All that being said, this is just my opinion. I'm just sharing my thoughts and observations. I am not calling anyone to action. I am not instructing anyone on what to do with my opinion, to hate on BigHit, or any of the members mentioned in here.
If you are not an adult, and can't reason like an adult do not sit at the adult table. Immaturity is not a bar to freedom of expression.
CONCLUSION
When it comes to Jikook, I always feel JK has put in so much effort into his relationship with Jimin to squander all that effort over something as silly as a birthday post.
Jikook have both worked through a lot, come a long way in their love journey to let petty issues undo all the efforts they've both put into eachother.
If JM's birthday is an issue for JM, JK would have made it right by now. All it takes it one simple post to fix it. And he has taken much bolder steps in the past to chicken out now.
And if Jimin is the one holding JK then- dude better prepare another Paris trip to placate his man because JK about to pout him to death. Lol.
As I said I have a feeling things are good between them now. I just want to see more of their interactions.
Keep supporting Jikook.
Signed,
GOLDY
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nad-zeta · 5 years ago
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Hi, hi! I'm not following you for long, but I already love here! ♡ Can I ask a HC? Suddenly, I've been thinking about Yukimura, Ieyasu and Mitsunari, more specifically their lack of experience with women. I believe they've never been with a woman before MC, because of reasons (two tsunderes and too focused on work, respectively). So I'd like to ask for their first time with MC, if that's ok. Maybe forget they did it in their route? Sorry if I wasn't very clear, English is not my native language♡
Hehehe, thank you so much for the request, love! I could feel myself blushing the entire time while writing this lolz. I had to ask my brother what it’s like for a boy’s first time, so yeah, that was a strange conversation. Anyways here you go love, I hope you enjoy it!
It’s noting to NSFW but lolz I don’t know, I guess I would rate this read at own discretion lol PG13 
First Time HC with Yukimura, Mitsunari, Ieyasu 
Yukimura
So its no secret this boy has like 0 woman communication skill, he has basically spent most of his life training and fighting battles
But that all changed when he met you
You were the first woman he has ever been in a relationship with or even loved for that matter
Your relationship with this boy officially started when he kissed you on new years eve while the fireworks were going off
That was the first time he had ever kissed well anyone in his life, and after he thought darn why haven’t I done this before its great.
The two of you were starting to get really serious and you have been dropping hints like mad to take your relationship to the next level.
Yukimura knew you were dropping hints and during you intimate cuddle sessions he would always look for an excuse to delay doing THAT
Lol it was time to get some expert advice
He went to Shingen bright red, and before even opening his mouth, Shingen knew what was up
“So my little boy has finally decided to become a man, I’m so proud” Shingen said as he used his hand towel to dab the fake tears in the corner of his eyes
“I knew this was a bad idea,” before Yuki could leave Shingen grabbed his shoulder and sat him down
By the time Shingen was done with his explanation this poor boy was so red, and he felt like he was going to melt in a puddle of embarrassment
He left Shigens room in a daze, Sasuke saw his friend and instantly knew what had just gone down.
It was now Sasuke’s turn to impart knowledge, halfway through the explanation Kenshin walked into the room. Lol even he had some words of advice for Yuki. “Wait, but I thought you hated women.” To that Kenshin simply rolled his eyes and left giving one last final piece of advice
Today was the day, Yuki was 100% determined
The two of you are laying together in bed as you’ve done a 100 times before
Yukimura is overwhelmed with the overload of the advice and you can definitely tell something is up
You peer into his eyes asking him what is wrong
He covers his face with a pillow muttering into it that it’s his first time and he is a bit nervous
You take the pillow off his face and gaze into his amber eyes reassuring him, you now were also a blushy mess cause it was your first time too
Yuki immediately propped himself up on one arm and looked at you a little shook, “wait, really.” “yeah dummy so let’s figure this out of together okay”
He smiled and nodded
There was a lot of fumbling and awkwardness at first and both of your faces were red AF
In the beginning, there was lots of laughing at how nervous both of you were
Yuki kissed and touched you softly, loving and unhurried.
Each touch was tender and warm
As nervous as the two of you were, you wanted to take your time and make the experience last, taking your time exploring, touching and loving one another
Yukimura moves slow and lovingly, making sure you are comfortable and okay the whole time
His face will be close to you’re the whole time, either resting his forehead on your or kissing you, cause it is his first time he wants to take in your beautiful face and perfect body. 
He honestly can’t help but get lost in your beautiful eyes
This boy worships your body thanx to all daddy Shingen’s advice
Loves your soft moans, it definitely gives him the confidence he needs to keep going
The whole affair is very awkward, loving and gentle
Once he has reached his orgasm, he will keep going until you reach yours, Shingen didn’t raise no selfish boy
When both of you are tired and spent from the hours of lovemaking, he will clean you up and give you some tea or water. Will cuddle and snuggle the shit out of you whispering how much he loves you (Thanks to Kenshin’s softie boy advice). Watches you fall asleep while stroking your hair. Will fall asleep while hugging think about just how much he adores you
Mitsunari
The two of you have been together now for quite some time
Mitsunari has definitely been feeling an unknown feeling lately when the two of you are cuddling together
The poor little angel is so confused about what is going on with his body
Will go talk to Hideyoshi about it, and Hideyoshi will basically give him a crash course about everything he would need to know. 
Mitsunari still feels like there is more to be learned on this subject at hand
And what does Mitsunari do when he knows limited knowledge about a subject, jip research
Basically becomes a sex scholar now, he will learn everything and anything he can, even consulting some of his warlord friends
When the two of you are cuddling while reading together as you’ve done many nights before, he can’t help but start kissing your soft skin
He looks all cool and calm on the outside, but this boy be nervous
You look up into his Amathist eyes and see something you haven’t yet seen, desire.
This ain’t your first rodeo, and you have been waiting for the moment that Mitsunari would want to get a bit more intimate.
Mitsunari confessed to you that it was his first time, you reassure him by telling him, you will teach him everything you know
He starts by running his fingertips along your body, just savoring the the feeling of your soft skin
Mitsunari wants to take his time getting to know your body and finding all those spots that would bring you immense pleasure
He will kiss every inch of your body until his lips feel numb
He wants you to convey just how much he loves you through the gentle touches and kisses
Will spend most of his time pleasuring you, he has discovered that he LOVES eating you out!
Who knew this angel could be so naughty
This boy has discovered the art of teasing, will find each of your sweet spots and exploit them
He wants to feel you shiver beneath him, he loves you so much and wants to know that you want him as much as he wants you
This angel boy will legit give you his most innocent angelic smile while teasing the shit out of you- seems like he consulted with Mitsuhide
His actions are slow, soft, gentle and teasing
He is making love instead of merely just having sex
Will whisper the sweetest things in your ears the whole time
Will give you constant compliments, as well as ask you if you would like him to do anything, he will follow each one of your instructions to a T
Will gently clean you up afterward, he is really attentive and super sweet afterward, He just wants to love and hold you.  Angel boy will be pressing soft kisses into your hair, while spooning you from behind. He might even read you a sweet story to lull you into sweet dreams
Ieyasu
This tsundere boy has never found anyone who could love his fluffy contrary ways, until he met you
Gosh he loves you so so much
One day you went to his palace to visit him, the two of you had been in a relationship for a super long time now.
You guys were just chilling and having tea when all of a sudden it started raining
It was getting pretty late, and as the day progressed it seemed to get colder
Ieyasu went to light the fireplace and sat next to you wrapping a warm blankie around the two of you
Honestly, he has wanted to go down on you and is constantly desiring you, he is just super good at hiding it but now thanks to the rain, the mood and atmosphere was perfect
He doesn’t waste a moment he immediately reaches for you and starts kissing you softly, slowly moving down your neck
He picks you up and gently put you down on his futon, he is looking at you questioningly, you nod and give him the go-ahead.
The rain creates the perfect dim lighting
He hovers over you for a few moments just taking in your pure beauty
He will take his time enjoying the feeling of your soft skin under his calloused palms
Ieyasu is a fast learner even though it is his first time he will gently kiss and touch you all over finding all those little spots that makes you moan and scream out his name.
 After a while, he will know exactly which spot to nibble or touch to make you shudder
This boy loves kisses and will legit kiss every inch of your beautifully soft skin, he might just leave a few love bites in its wake
He will move slow, soft and lovingly, every kiss and touch will be gentle and feather-light  telling you exactly just how much he loves you and how much you mean to him
The boy is very vocal
Every moment is filled with sweet whispers, of him telling you how breathtaking you are, how much he loves you and how perfect you are
Softi boy will make sure both of you are completely satisfied
He loves touching your face and staring into your beautiful eyes
Afterward, he will clean you up and spoon you from behind, while drawing soft circles on your bare skin for hours. You are the only one he will show weakness to. He will whisper to you afterward that you were actually his first, poor boy will be blushing the whole time. Aftercare with Ieyasu will consist of the sweetest softest snuggles, soft words, and sweet endearments
I hope ya enjoyed it, love! ❤❤🔥🥰
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justanotherlifeff · 4 years ago
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Levi Ackerman × reader
Genre: Angst, Hurt/comfort, Fluff, matured themes, slowburn
Warning: There's mentions and descriptions of underage rape and suicidal themes and self harm.
Levi POV
The M.P expected us to turn Eren in after the failed operation but Erwin apparently had a plan. I woke up and went to the dining hall to find (Y/N) making tea. Just two cups for today. She avoided looking at me. Her eyes were puffy which meant she cried to sleep. I never thought the death of our comrades would make her cry. She didn't seem like someone who would cry about what happened in the past that easily. I didn't want to judge her though because even if I didn't see her get too close to anyone from the team, she still must have cared. 
"Rough night?" I asked her as she set down a cup of tea and some biscuits in front of me. "Yeah. A bit" she answered and took a sip of her own tea. There was an awkward silence between us as I didnt know what to say to her. "I wish I died instead. Things would've been better that way" she murmured again and took a biscuit from the plate. "Don't say that. What happened has happened. We can't change anything and I'm glad that you're alive. You're a big asset to the team" I replied. I knew I was bad at giving condolences to people but this probably was the worst I've ever done. 
"You aren't glad captain. Wouldn't you have preferred it if Petra was alive instead? After all, you were supposed to get married to her. I... I could've saved her you know. But I didn't because I had some personal issues with her. I wasted that one second of advantage that I had over the female titan just because I didn't know which would've been the right decision. The one I made was clearly wrong, by general ethics and also because it caused a lot more trouble for you and uncle Erwin. The most horrible thing about it is that I… I felt relieved that she's out of my way. I regret the fact that my decision made someone lose their child and someone lose their… loved one. What I did is a punishable offence and I would gladly accept my punishment." she said looking down at the table. 
I sighed at that. Of Course she had something to do with this. Someone with her level of skills could've easily gotten out of that situation. 
"(Y/N), I will be blunt with you. What you did was selfish, irresponsible and immature. I won't go on with the ethics here because I personally killed people who had a problem with me back in the underground. However, (Y/N), we are not underground now. We are up here where ethics have value. I personally made some very immature mistakes during my first expedition too, trying to kill Erwin. That got the two people I ever gave a damn about killed. I won't report this to the higher ups because I tried to kill a comrade on my first expedition too due to my selfish whims. However, (Y/N), if anything like this happens again, I won't hesitate to report to Erwin. I care about my comrades and you will have to take responsibility for such actions. The titans are already out to kill us during the expeditions and killing each other won't help humanity or your goals. I won't ask you to be ashamed of what you did. You made the decision and you are owning it. However, I am not proud of what you did. I expected you to be able to keep your personal feelings out of your job. By the way what do you mean by that deal about marriage? Petra had a crush on me but the feeling wasn't mutual. I wish I transferred her to another squad but I can't change anything now. Petra and I weren't supposed to get married. She just ranted about it to her father I suppose so that he could convince me." I said to her in a monotone voice, wondering if that thing about marriage that Petra probably bragged to (Y/N) about made (Y/N) make such a bad decision while her eyes widened.
 "But I saw you two kissing... " she started when I interjected "she just confessed her feelings to me then and kissed me out of nowhere and you opened the door before I could process the whole information and push her off me." I explained. "But she told me you are dating her..." she started again and I interjected again to say "She was bluffing" this time annoyed because she just isn't getting the message. "But why.." she started again and I stopped her again to say, "because I like someone else you idiot! ". 
At this point, she looked like someone punched her in the gut as a flash of regret glinted in her eyes. It passed in mere seconds before she looked surprised at me and asked, "Heichou, don't mind me asking but are you gay? And is that Eren?" The look on my face probably made her understand how ridiculous that theory is. Why did she even assume that? "Sorry for assuming. But if you're not gay, it must be Hanji.." she muttered and I could see a speck of sadness in her eyes. Does that mean she likes me too? 
"Why would I even like that titan loving shitty glasses? She's like a sister." I told her in my monotone voice. "Oh! So, is it someone I know?" she asked me. "You do know that I'm your superior right brat? You shouldn't be asking questions like this." I told her. "You told me that I can trust you. Doesn't that mean you should trust me too? And these trust businesses kinda make us friends right? Since we are trusting each other about things that are personal? And I thought friends talk to each other about stuff like who they are interested in." she told me with a straight face but her voice betrayed her. She was nervous. 
"What's in it for you?" I asked her. She can't know I'm interested in her. "Just curious. I'm not great at making friends and since I happened to make a friend by myself, I just thought I'll try to make a conversation. Sorry for bothering you captain." she muttered, without looking at me. "Look, it's best if you don't know. I like someone I'm not supposed to. If this gets out, both her and my reputation will be on the line." I explained to her with a serious tone. It was the truth. After a pause, she said, "I happen to be in a similar situation" with a smile. She really should smile more often.
(Y/N) POV
I felt like a complete idiot. Of Course Petra lied. It was all sinking in now. I got someone killed because I was a selfish piece of crap. And to add to my guiltiness, she wasn't even with Levi heichou. How could I do this to her? To her parents? "Why the hell are you still alive! Such a burden... Just get out of my house and die somewhere will you?!" I remember a voice shouting at me, a memory of my childhood, a memory from the underground that never left me. Was I becoming like her? That woman who sold me off to that brothel? Was I becoming like my biological mother? That woman broke every promise she ever made to me. Could I live with myself if I became like that? 
I decided not to think more of it because I probably would never be able to look in the mirror and tolerate myself. With that, I stopped thinking about it and just as heichou mentioned that he liked someone, I blurted out that I am in a similar situation without giving it a second thought.
Who was he talking about? That day after looking at Petra kiss heichou, I came to the conclusion that I have feelings for Levi heichou and I don't regret Petra's death because her absence made my insecurities go away. I felt like I'm a monster for thinking that way and cried quite a bit thinking how disappointed my parents could have been, how disappointed everyone would've been in general as I thought about it last night. I also thought that heichou just lost his fiancee and I definitely didn't have a chance because he probably would be too devastated to be with other women.
 Now that I knew the truth, I felt plain guilt, however, as there was the slightest possibility that the girl heichou likes could be me, I didn't have any intention to let go of this chance. "I'll tell you who I like if you tell me about you. That way no one can double cross each other." I said to him. "I don't feel comfortable about telling you who she is." heichou stated, not looking at me. I could see him blushing. It was a sight to see. 
"We could play a game of 5 questions. We will ask each other 5 questions and both can answer as yes or no. Is that okay?" I proposed. I personally always hated this game that Eren and my fellow members of the 104 trainee corps made up but at that moment, I couldn't think of any other way to get heichou to open my mouth. "Isn't that a children’s game?" heichou asked me, raising an eyebrow. "Well, yes but we don't exactly have things to do right now so why not kill time doing this?" I reasoned. "Yeah I guess we do have some time to kill.." he answered, sounding a bit unsure. 
"Do I know her?" I asked. "Yes. And is it a man?" he answered and asked.
 "Yes. Is she from the 104 training Corps?" I answered and asked again.
 "Yes. Do I know him?" he answered and asked.
 "Yes. Was she in the top 10 recruitments?" I answered and asked. A blush formed on my face. So he was into someone from our training Corps.. 
He looked away and said, "Yes. Is he from the 104 trainee Corps?" The tension between us increased.
 "No. Was she in the top 3?" I asked not looking at him. If he says yes, it's either me or Mikasa. 
"Yes. Does he happen to be a squad leader?" he asked. His body was tense and he averted his eyes from mine. I did the same since I was too nervous.
 "Yes. Was she in the first position?" I almost whispered. I was speechless. I never thought that slightest hope could become something so big. 
"Yes. Is he the captain of the survey corps?" he asked while running a hand in his hair. His face looked serious. He was interested in me. 
"Yes'' I whispered. I was so shocked that I didn't know how to react. I should've felt happy but in reality, I felt terrified. I knew why I felt that way. It's because the reality sunk into me. The world was a cruel place. Bad things happened whenever I believed in people. I wasn't ready to lose him. I didn't know if I ever could be ready for that. He looked at me with wide eyes. I could see the fear in them. He was scared too and I understood why he felt that way. He was right. This was impossible.
Levi POV
Did we just confess to each other? What the hell am I doing? This isn't like me at all. I seriously agreed to play this stupid game those cadets made up just to know who she had feelings for? I knew that if it wasn't me, I would make their life in the survey corps much more hellish than it already is. Now that I know that it's me, it bothered me that I would have to break her heart. 
However, this girl made me make all sorts of bad decisions and I couldn’t even hate her for it. I looked straight at her eyes. She was blushing and her eyes were as terrified and sad as mine. This wouldn't work and she understood it. I was glad that she understood the issue because explaining this would be a big problem. 
The silence was broken by Eren. "Hey (Y/N), you made breakfast?" he asked her cheerfully. (Y/N) muttered a "No" with her usual monotone voice. Eren didn't notice the tention in the room because of how stupid he is as he sat down beside (Y/N). "They are late.." I broke the silence.
 "I can't believe that good-for- nothing Erwin.. Making me wait. The MPs are going to get here first. Most likely.. He's having some trouble taking a shit." I stated which made Eren laugh while (Y/N) remained stoic. She probably still was processing everything. I took another sip of the tea and placed it on the saucer. 
"Heichou, you're pretty talkative today," Eren pointed out nervously. Of Course I was. I confessed to (Y/N) a while back and the situation just got more complicated. I was talking so much because there was too much on my mind. "Don't be stupid. I've always been talkative" I answered instead. 
"Eren" (Y/N) called out, her face looked like it had aged suddenly. I knew that she was about to talk about her contribution to the death of my squad to Eren. She seemed more worried about the squad's death.
 "I could've saved Petra and that would've saved Oluo but I didn't because of my own personal issues. I was wrong to do that. My priorities shouldn't be greater than anyone's life. I need to know if you can forgive me after hearing this." she told him, her voice monotone. 
"(Y/N)... I can't forgive you for the decision you made but, I made a wrong choice too. That was what got you in that situation. It all started from me. Back then, if only I hadn't made the wrong choice things might have been different. Even you were injured..." Eren stated, looking at me at the end.
 "I told you two. No one knows how things will turn out. Stop blaming yourselves for this. It's just how the situation was." I answered, shutting them up. The last thing the survey corps needed right now were soldiers that had regrets. Just then Erwin and the others arrived.
(Y/N) POV
Armin came to a conclusion that Annie could be the female titan. The plan was, when the military police would come to escort us, Eren, Armin and Mikasa would sneak out. They would take Annie to the abandoned underground city in stohess district and fight her there with some other survey corps soldiers and with Eren's titan powers. I was supposed to be with Levi Heichou and Uncle Erwin. Both of us were injured and we weren't allowed to participate in the fight. 
Everything was going according to the plan until there was a lightning and a gust of smoke. We knew the plan had failed. Commander Nile looked surprised and was talking to Uncle Erwin. I looked at Levi heichou. He was staring at the smoke. Suddenly he looked at me and said, "seems like plan A failed. We need to go somewhere safe until the fight is over. Go tell Erwin to make his conversation quick and get moving". " Yes heichou" I replied and went to Uncle Erwin. My mind was still stuck to the conversation we had this morning. Heichou was right. It was impossible. But... If I couldn't have the one I love, I couldn't reach my goal of happiness. In that case, what's the point of being alive?
To be continued... 
Taglist: @kingtamakimurder @realityisoftendisapointing
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addictofsupernatural · 5 years ago
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The Southsider (pt. 12)
Sweet Pea x reader
Chapter Summary: As y/n notices that there's someone after her, more people seem to want to make an end to her.
Word Count: 2288
Chapter 1 • Chapter 11 • Chapter 13
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You were starting to become nervous when you practiced for the Carrie musical. Things were happening, and they seem to be gravitating towards you and Cheryl. Accidents were made, and they were unexplainable. What you didn't know of was that there was a serial note given to Kevin that said to take you out of the play.
"What are we going to do?" Jughead asked, holding his camera up as he filmed the conversation between him and Kevin.
"This is a minor setback, but I don't think anything bad could really happen. There's too much work that y/n and Cheryl have put into this. As they say, the show must go on."
Hal Cooper knew your father. They were friends, and they both saw eye to eye on things. Sinners, for instance. Hal was perfectly okay with what his friend was doing to his family. According to your dad, your mother was sinning in the Serpents.
Hal was disappointed when he was taken to prison. He beliefs were the same as his, and he had nobody else to share his passion with. Other than Penelope Blossom, but they shared that later in life.
When he went to visit his friend, your father told him of what happened, and how your sin was that you didn't lift a finger to help your mother. You were only protecting yourself.
So he kept a close eye on you. He saw through the happy facade you put on. Every day he saw you walk home, lonely and head down. He knew that you were haunted by your parents. You were punishing yourself. He didn't have to do anything, you were doing all the work for him. He stopped watching you and let you live your miserable life.
Until you stopped punishing yourself. You joined the Serpents, he had heard Betty talking to someone else about it. He started to watch you again, and this time he saw that you were genuinely happy. You even had a boyfriend. He would attack your boyfriend for now though; it wasn't his fault that he was dating a sinner. For all Hal knew, you could be deceiving that poor boy.
After rehearsal you went to Pop's where you began to work. But something was different. This time the Ghoulies came in and sat down at a booth. You and FP stared at each other. "Don't worry kid," he said. "I got it."
But they started to come almost everyday. Specifically on your shift times. FP called Jughead, who called Sweet Pea, when the Ghoulies came in for the third time. They rushed over to the diner, making a pit stop to get Fangs.
You grabbed your notepad and pen and huffed, feeling extremely uncomfortable in the presence of the drug dealing gang. The three serpent boys rushed through the door as you were walking towards the booth, and you stopped in your tracks and smiled, turning around to greet them.
The Ghoulies watched this. You hugged each of them. "Hey guys. I'm so glad that you're all here." You said perkily but also quietly. "I'll take your order after I'm done with them."
You then walked back to other table, a smile still on your face from the sight of your amazing boys. "You done talking with that wannabe gang sweetheart?"
You sighed, your mood going back to being ruined. "What can I get for you guys?"
"A sweet piece of that ass, for starters." The rest of the gang laughed at that one's comment.
"Drinks?" You asked, annoyance laced deep in your voice.
"You sure we can't have you babe?" Another asked. "If only you knew what my tongue could do."
"Milkshake or soda?" You asked a little louder. They finally gave there drinks. "It'll be ready as soon as possible." You said, monotone. You then walked over to a nearby booth with the three Serpents sitting there, making your mood change to happy and your voice to sweet. "Are what would you guys like?"
"I'm pretty sure my dad's already on my order right now." Jughead said.
"He started making it before you even walked in." You said.
"Chocolate chip milkshake." Fangs said.
"Banana milkshake." Sweet Pea said. You looked at him questioningly. "Please?" He smiled.
You let out a short laugh. "That's different."
"Are you making it?"
"Yeah."
"Then it'll be good." He said with a smug expression.
"Swoon." Fangs mockingly said.
"More like barf." Jughead replied.
"Calm down Jug." you said. "I've never said anything when you and Betty get all flirty with other over homicides." And with that you left a speechless Jughead and two weirded out boys across from him.
When you came from the kitchen the Ghoulies all stared at you, taking in your looks. They all found you attractive, not that you noticed or cared about what they thought since they all looked at you like you were a piece of meat.
That's why they were all so disappointed when you had a tray of milkshakes in your hand and a big smile on while walking towards them, only to keep walking and head to the table with your boyfriend and friends. They then turned their attention to FP, who was holding a tray for their milkshakes. "Here you are."
"We want the hotty." One of them blurted out. The others nodded.
"Sorry, but she's dealing with another table right now." They then all heard your giggle, looking back and seeing you happy as can be with the serpents. "Don't worry boys, I made them myself, and I put a little something extra for you all." He then winked and walked back to the kitchen. He didn't put anything.
You then took their orders for food, ignoring the inappropriate jokes about you. When you were done you headed to the counter, but stopped when you heard Fangs call out, "Aren't you gonna take our order?" With a smile on his face.
You turned around and smiled. "You already know I got you guys." You said with a dramatic shrug.
The three of them cheered as you laughed. "That's my girl." Sweet Pea proudly said.
This got the Ghoulies pissed. When Penny said to keep an eye on this cute girl, she never mentioned that she had a Serpent boyfriend. You blew a kiss to Sweet Pea and headed to behind the counter.
You served both booths their foods. When the Ghoulies were done with their food you went to grab the plates, only for one of them to grip your left wrist. "Look at what we have here boys." He showed your hand. "A snake."
You ripped your hand away from his grasp. "That's a shame." Another said. "And such a nice ass too."
Sweet Pea stood up, followed by the other two, but you motioned for them to sit back down. You saw a man in the back hold up their coffee cup to signal that they wanted a refill, and you nodded to him, thinking of an amazing idea.
You carried a tray of two coffee cups and rectangular solid ice pack over, 'accidentally' spilling a cup on the guy who grabbed your wrist's groin area, igniting a yelp from him. "Oh no, sir I am so sorry." You said in a dramatic way. "Here, you should cool that off." You then forcefully tossed the ice pack to the area of the spill, causing him to bang his fist on the table in pain.
On your way to the back table, you brushed your hand against Sweet Pea's as it was on the table. They all smiled at you. "Here you are sir."
"I saw that, y'know." You began to panic a bit, considering that this job is what kept you eating. "Don't worry, I saw everything else. He deserved it."
You put a hand to your heart and offered him a smile. "My regulars get me." He nodded his head and smiled, and you went back to your job.
After a while the Ghoulies didn't leave, so neither did the Serpents. You offered free chocolate cake to the three of them for staying with you while the others were there. "What's this?" Fangs asked.
"It's your guys' birthdays, remember?" You said, smiling. "Well, that's the only way I can get you free dessert."
Jughead immediately took his slice. "Thanks. We're fraternal triplets."
You gave him a smile. "I knew it." You kissed Sweet Pea's cheek. "Enjoy." You and Sweet Pea shared a look as you walked away.
After your shift was over you came outside and slid beside Jughead in the booth, exhausted. Just then FP came out with a to go box of a big hotdog and fries. "I figured you didn't eat." Sweet Pea excitedly said, proud of the surprised look on your face.
"Thanks babe." You gave him a cheeky smile, quickly eating it and the four of you stepping out of the diner, the Ghoulies following you out.
"We're gonna go to the Whyte Wrym." Jughead said lowly. "Wanna come?"
"Yeah. I don't like the way those Ghoulies are looking at me."
"Neither do I." Sweet Pea said, eyeing them.
"See you guys there then." And with that the other two took off.
Sweet Pea saw how those four guys kept looking at you. He heard all the comments they made, both to you and while you weren't there. He hated the way they were looking at you now. "Sweets, what's wrong-"
He pulled you in for a mind blowing kiss. He knew they were watching, he was counting on it. He needed them to know who's girl you were. He needed to protect you from those disgusting guys. You were the love of his life after all.
When he pulled back he shimmied off his jacket and draped it over your shoulders. "Put it on. It's cold."
You smiled and put on the oversized jacket. You cocked your head to the side. "Where's all this coming from?"
"Just want to make sure my girl's feeling safe and appreciated." He smiled down at your adorable form.
You hung your arms loosely over his shoulders. "You're too good for this world Sweets."
He gave you the biggest smile, bringing you closer to him and telling you in a very quiet and low tone, "That's why I'm your world."
A serge of happiness came through you and you jumped up on him, him holding you by your thighs as you wrapped your arms and legs around him. "Ohmigodsweetsthatwasthecutestthingeveriloveyousomuch!" You said while assaulting his face with kisses.
He knew you would act this way to that comment. When it was low enough for only you to hear it, making it more meaningful. Not that he wanted anyone else to hear that, but still. "I love you too." He laughed out, forgetting about the audience watching.
You leaned your forehead to his. "But I love you more."
His hands dipped down to your ass, squeezing. "Prove it."
You hummed in his ear. "If only I could." You said lowly.
Sweet Pea was then getting excited. "What's stopping you?"
"We said we'd be at the Whyte Wrym."
"We'll make a quick stop by."
"We could say that I'm too tired."
Sweet Pea kissed your neck. "I like the way you think." And with that he put you down and you both excitedly took off, leaving those four Ghoulies to angrily watch as you two Serpents was busy being madly in love with each other.
The next day you both woke up late, rushing to school together. You didn't even notice that you were wearing his shirt and jacket. He did notice the jacket, but the shirt was a pleasant surprise. You got teased by all of your friends for it, especially when you both went to the Whyte Wrym after school.
Toni then proceeded to grab a hair tie and tie the shirt into a crop top, causing Sweet Pea to be in an even better mood. Whenever you tried to take it off, the two of them wouldn't allow it.
It game all fun and games until Penny Peabody entered the bar. The whole place became silent. She smiled and sat on a bar stool. "Don't mind me, I'm just getting a drink. Whiskey Toni, if you could."
Toni gave her a dirty look as she poured whiskey into a glass. "What do you want Penny?" Jughead asked.
"Jeez Jug, where's the hospitality? I just came to see how you all were doing." She then looked at you, Sweet Pea immediately putting his arms around you and tugging you closer to him. "And is that y/n? Wow, you've certainly whored up, haven't you?"
She got no response from you, only a glare. She downed her drink, causing Jughead to speak up again. "There, you've had your drink. Now leave."
"I was hoping for a welcoming crowd, but I guess I was wrong." She tossed some money onto the counter. "Bye guys. I'll be seeing some of you sooner rather than later." She then left.
You didn't put much thought into what she said, assuming that if was meant for Jughead, but you were wrong. Sweet Pea took you back to your house and kissed you goodnight, leaving you by yourself in your house while your aunt was gone again.
All lights in your house were turned off as you got ready to sleep. And that's when you saw the bright lights peering out of your window on the second floor. You carefully looked out of the window, only to see a few trucks parked outside, accompanied by multiple Ghoulies.
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Author Note: I'm so sorry guys😭😭 I haven't posted anything for two weeks. I'll try my best to go back to posting AT LEAST once a week.
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marvelsswansong · 6 years ago
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I really hope I'm doing this right- I've never done a request before so please excuse me if I mess this up aaa,, but i would like to request Bucky x stark!reader with the song One More Night by Maroon 5 (it's one of my favourite songs it's so good) where the reader is Tony's sister and shes dating Bucky behind his back. Tony offers her a position to be assistant manager with pepper; she realises that she cant take on a job like that and keep dating Bucky but he really loves her and cant let go??
–> One More Night by Maroon 5
a/n: I’m so proud of this one
You couldn’t keep on doing this.
This was the only constant thought you had for the last few weeks, wrapped up in Bucky’s arms as the clock in the room kept ticking by. Pretending that you had no responsibilities or that you weren’t living a double life was easy when you were lying in his arms, and it was a fantasy that rudely hit you whenever he had to go on missions.
“You’re the love of my life, doll.” 
Your heart hurt every time Bucky said that, because then all you could think of was ‘only if you knew.’ If only he knew that you were a filthy liar, the sister of a man who viciously hated his guts, and a liar who had fallen hopelessly in love with a man she could never openly be with.
Your relationship with Bucky was built on lies. You never told him that you were related to Tony, only mentioning that you had worked for him once (which was somewhat true). You instead told him that you were a SHIELD agent, was an only child, and that your last name was Carter. 
The only thing that wasn’t untrue in your relationship with Bucky was just how much you loved him.
“I love you too.”
You’d whisper that to him, your heart breaking every time you uttered that sentence and saw the lovestruck grin Bucky gave you in return. His smile, his love, all his affection for you was not for you. 
It was for a fake you.
A you who was not a Stark.
And you had no else to turn to. It was a miracle that neither Tony or any of the Avengers had caught wind of this. You supposed it was a good thing that you had never met any of the Avengers before, preferring to keep to yourself and work for the Stark company overseas. 
It was killing you to lie to Bucky, but it was also killing you to lie to Tony. 
It killed you to tell your only family member, your own brother, that you were busy with work and not dating his number one enemy. It hurt to admit, but it was true. You knew what Tony would say if he found out.
“He’s a traitor.” He’d say, anger filling his eyes. Then Tony would look at you, the awful look of betrayal in his face, as he uttered the following words: “And you’re a traitor too, dating him when he killed our parents.”
Why was reality so cruel?
“You alright doll?” asked Bucky softly, snapping you out of your thoughts upon feeling your salty tears drop from your eyes and onto his skin. You turned around and stared up at him with a fake smile, wiping your tears away with your hand.
“Yeah! I just, um, am really tired from last night’s mission.”
Bucky smiled in relief.
“Oh, alright. Then we should really get some sleep, huh?” 
You let out a shaky breath and nodded.
“Good night Bucky.” you whispered, feeling his arms wrap around your waist once more.
He was out in a few minutes, leaving you alone to your thoughts once more.
‘I can’t keep on doing this. I need to leave him tonight.’
But those words were uttered too often but never followed through- you fell asleep, forgot about your problems for another day, finished up some general work for the company and kissed Bucky. You allowed yourself to indulge in what could never be by pretending that everything was fine. That you were just a simple girl who loved a simple boy.
But running away from your problems never worked.
Bucky was gone on a mission when you received a call from your brother out of the blue. Slipping on your cardigan, you walked out onto the balcony of your apartment.
“Hello?”
“(Y/n)! How is my favorite sister doing?” exclaimed Tony, his excited voice causing you to chuckle.
“I’m your only sister, jackass. Anyway, what’s up?”
“Right! So Pepper’s been swamped with some work lately and considering I haven’t seen you in forever and you’re stuck living away from home in a tiny apartment… I was wondering if you wanted to be an assistant manager?”
Your heart dropped.
You weren’t sure how you could get out of this one.
“I, uh, I’m flattered, Tony, but I-”
“Oh come on, (Y/n). I haven’t seen you for two whole years! And you know this is exactly the type of position you need. I promise you it pays well too…” trailed off Tony, teasing you.
You let out a deep breath and sighed.
“Okay Tony, I’ll take the position.”
“Great! I’ll send you the flight details to get to NYC in a few hours. See you soon, sis.”
You hung up and threw your phone across the room, where it landed with a loud thud on the floor. The reality of the situation hit you just then, that you had accepted a job offer from your brother.
Away from your home.
Away from Bucky.
And worst of all, this meant that Bucky would finally find out who you really were- a Stark.
‘You knew this day would come, (Y/n). Snap out of it.’
Tucking your phone into your back pocket, you suppressed your sobs and started to pack up your things. You had just finished packing your last piece of clothing when you heard the door to your apartment open, causing you to freeze.
“I’m home, doll, where are-”
Bucky stopped opening the door when he spotted you standing there, your hair a mess and your hands holding several suitcases. His smile dropped into a deep frown as you avoided his gaze.
“W-what’s going on?”
‘You have to do this, (Y/n). Break his heart and it’ll all be done.’
“I’m leaving you.”
The amount of pure devastation in Bucky’s face was enough for you to break down then and there, tears starting to pour out of your eyes.
“W-what? Why?”
You swallowed and looked up at him with a determined gaze, trying to maintain your composure.
“I-I don’t love you anymore. And I realized that I deserve better. So… I’m leaving you.” 
You started to walk out of the door, your bags in head, when Bucky’s hand wrapped around your wrist. You looked up at him to see his eyes darting across your face, analyzing you.
“You’re lying to me.” 
“N-no I’m not.”
Bucky’s devastated expression dropped into one of concern, his grip loosening as his voice turned soft.
“Yes you are, doll. Now can you calm down and tell me what’s really going on?”
That was the last straw.
“I-I can’t be with you anymore, Bucky. I’m not who you think I am.”
Bucky’s eyebrow furrowed in confusion.
“What do you mean?”
“My last name is not Carter. I am a SHIELD agent but I mainly work for the Stark company… Aka my brother’s company.”
Realization passed through Bucky’s face as you dropped your bags onto the floor, the tears now overflowing.
“I’m a Stark, Bucky. I’m Tony Stark’s sister. That’s why I can’t be with you. I-I’m so, so, so sorry.”
Bucky stared down at the floor, the fire in his eyes now all burnt out.
“So… you lied to me.”
“Yes.”
“Do you even love me?” he asked, his throat feeling dry.
“Yes, yes I really do.”
That caused him to look up.
“I love you more than you can imagine, Bucky Barnes. That is the only truth I’ve told you this past few months. But now that I accepted a job offer in New York to work as my brother’s assistant manager, this… this is the best way to end things.”
You picked up your bags once more and mustered up a smile once more before leaning in and kissing Bucky on the cheek.
“I’m so sorry, Bucky. I hope you can forgive me one day.”
You began to walk towards the door when Bucky stopped you.
“No.”
“What?”
Bucky took the suitcases from your hands and dropped them to the floor. He then took his hands and put them up onto your face, wiping your tears away with his fingers.
“No, you’re not leaving. Because I love you, (Y/n) Stark. I love you regardless of whether you’re a Carter or a Stark, because who you are as a person has not changed. A-and even if your brother disapproves of it-”
He rested his head against your forehead, breathing in your scent.
“I still love you. And I’d follow you anywhere.”
“B-but my job offer-” you started, dumbfounded. Bucky dismissed it with a shake of his head.
“I’ll move with you. We can sell this apartment and get a place somewhere near the Stark tower. And you can finally meet my friends and introduce me to Tony as your boyfriend.”
“R-really? You’d do that for me?” 
Bucky only smiled.
“I’d do anything for you, (Y/n) Stark.”
a/n: holy SHIT this was long. But um, I’m SO proud of this??? Like it was perfectly angsty and it fit the song so well. And I also love that it ended in fluff. Anyway, um, lmk if you enjoyed it in the comments below and sorry if there were grammar mistakes lol i wrote this in an hour and posted it unedited
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