#I'm pretty proud of myself for sticking through hehe

[mothhue]

A hat under waters: The finale, time's end.

Last year in febuary, I drew and posted my first concept of this AU, and exactly one year later; here we are!

Thank you so much to everyone who supported this AU, and to everyone who left kind words in the notes. It's been a delight reading through them, and I'm very happy to see that people enjoy seeing the silly things I do! :D

I hope you had fun watching through this little AU of mine, I sure had a blast making it.

Happy birthday a hat under waters, and thank you for watching.

[stupid3]

So I see your reblog of the 100 questions to ask.

It would make me the happiest daddy in the world if you were to answer a few of these questions for me so I may get to know you a bit better!!

The challenge, to start with question number 100

And continue preforming question 100 until you finish answering questions 29, 47 and 71.

You can preform this task whenever you see fit

You can DM me your answer, as long as you can figure out who this is!!

I know you are the smartest bestest girly and you will be able to figure it out and make me so proud!!

ooooh i think i know exactly who this is 😘😘😘 but im going to post it anyway hehe

i am up for the challenge! starting....now!

29. ugh lately my masturbation sessions have been so boring. it's just me and my wand and im scrolling through tumblr or a porn site and looking at some extra dirty things. it's funny though, when i'm getting close i tell myself that i want to keep going and overstim and orgasm again but i once that first orgasm hits then im perfectly content and usually end up taking a nap right after LOL

47. oh man, without my phone?? it's been awhile since i've used the imagination to get off. the extra sad part is that im pretty sure i couldn't do it in just five minutes. i am notorious for taking forrrreverrrr to cum (which is why i much prefer to be the giver in all situations anyway 😘). but!! for the sake of the question, i'd grab my handy dandy wand and imagine...hmmm... probably a gang bang of older men using me and filling all my holes at once with no mercy whatsoever 🥰 but if you were to ask me this same question tomorrow, i bet i'd have a different answer!

71. my extra dirty yucky depraved things are reserved for my side blog, so i'll have to stick with a more "realistic" and "appealing" fantasy. hmmm i think one of my dirtiest ones would have to beeee.... being owned by a much older man. i don't have a job, i just need to always be around him to please him exactly how he wishes. he has free use of my holes and im cock warming him with my mouth whenever we aren't actively fucking. i worship him. his cock. his balls. everything about him. i'm so completely cock dumb and addicted that i would do anything and everything he asked. and i couldn't want a single thing in return. not a kiss, not an orgasm, nothing. im just his toy. sometimes he'll take me to a truck stop and let all sorts of men use me. maybe via glory hole or privately in their trucks or in the showers or maybe just outright in the lot. we can make a whole event of it. a whole group of men groping me and forcing their cocks in my mouth, my owner/daddy controlling me by my hair or my neck, yeah. mmm really just being used and thrown around. that's probably my dirtiest fantasy for today. i didn't even have a chance to get embarrassed! 🤭

man that was difficult with one hand! i tried to fix spelling errors but im sure i missed a lot. 😫 i hope my answers are to your satisfaction 💕✨💕

[epicene-humanoid]

some trans Jeff thoughts:

he realized he was trans in elementary school and just went fuck it I'll just start introducing myself as Jeffery and see if anyone decides to stop me (as we know, jeff winger can get away with almost anything)

he got top surgery the second he could afford it (around the same time he started at his law firm), and probably bribed someone to keep it a secret

"I'm jeff winger and i would rather look at myself naked than the women I sleep with" are the words of a man proud of his transition

he's really insecure about his fashion sense, which is why he mostly dresses like the douchey guys at his firm in the start of the show, he thought you can't go wrong with the sleazy lawyer look

he will never admit it but he feels super good about the dean hitting on him, because the dean is a (cis) guy, acknowledging that Jeff is more manly than him

i think he starts out stealth and comes out to everyone one by one, probably starting with abed because he knows abed won't judge him and will probably just see it as an interesting backstory.

abed just says it's cool and maybe worth a prequel exploring Jeff's transition, and jeff asks him to predict how all of the members of the group will react to him coming out.

abed's predictions:

britta will be over-the-top supportive and do a ton of research about trans history, probably put together a slideshow just to prove how progressive she is, and jeff will be a little bit weirded out, but also touched that she did all that for him, though he would never let her know that

shirley will be confused, because she doesn't know how someone she trusts and knows so well could be part of a group she was raised to hate, but ultimately realizes that there's nothing actually against the lgbtq people in the bible, and, as a cool character development arch, starts to advocate against use of the bible to justify bigotry

troy will just think it over and decide that Jeff's physique and coolness are even awesomer knowing how much work he'd had to put in to be like that, and respects Jeff's manliness even more

annie will give him a hug, say something sweet about how she'll always love him, and worry about his health, because even she read somewhere that taking testosterone makes you more likely to have a heart attack, jeff will explain that the risk is still only as high a cis guy, and she'll be the one to always remind him to take his shots

peirce will say at best say "jeff winger used to be a chick?" and at worst call him a slur, either way there's sure to be a lot of misgendering from him, and pestering to know Jeff's deadname (needless to say, Jeff just doesn't tell peirce)

the whole group goes out of their way to keep their beach trips a secret from pierce (the girls don't want him there anyways, he's too liable to be creepy) even though jeff knows that even if pierce saw his scars, all he would have to do is make up a story about some childhood accident and pierce would never question it

sorry this ended up being super long. can I hear some of your headcanons for him?

YES ALL THIS!!! yes yes i’m fully accepting this as canon oh my god

i’m about to type a whole ass ESSAY at midnight because i have been DYING to talk about this for months ajfdksljk,,, this is going to be obscenely long and i might end up adding even more to it as i continue to rewatch the show because there is truly no shortage of trans jeff content (especially when you’re trans and see transness in every little thing ajdkslfkjs)

spoiler warning for literally everything about this show under the cut <3

i 100% agree, i feel like he realized he was trans super young, especially since in the show we see him as a little kid a couple of times. 

like look at little jeff with the oversized sweatshirt and little ponytail!! that’s childhood trans fashion. not to be dramatic but part of me thinks that jeff’s dad left before he fully came out to his family (which gives him even more angst about it, because until that one Thanksgiving episode, he’s never able to prove to his dad that he’s a better man), but part of me thinks that his dad left after he came out (which adds that spicy i-should-have-stayed-in-the-closet guilt that he has to work through). 

either way, because his dad wasn’t there, he had to base his concept of masculinity on something else, which was becoming a lawyer!! there’s some line that’s like “after the dust and divorce papers were settled the only man i looked up to was [the lawyer guy]”. like, replacing your father figure in your mind with the concept of “a job where you can talk your way in and out of anything and distort other people’s concept of reality”? that’s trans.

 and the fucking THANKSGIVING EPISODE... i struggle to watch it without crying hehe <3 yeowch! the dichotomy of willy jr. being the “wrong” kind of man because he’s “too soft” but jeff also not being enough despite adhering to all the social standards of masculinity... fuck!! this whole scene of him telling his dad “i am Not well adjusted” and talking about how he gave himself an “appendix surgery scar” when he was a kid and he still keeps the get-well-soon letters from his classmates under his bed? oh my god. the implication of people loving him not despite his scars but because of them?? trans. i can’t think about this episode for too long or i’ll start yelling.

OH and this scene? where he talks about how his mom got him a girl costume for halloween?? and everyone said “what a cute little girl” and after a few houses he stopped correcting them?? and “once the shame and the fear wore off, i was just glad they thought i was pretty”?? THAT’S TRANS... the man needs validation oh my god... and then in all the halloween episodes we see he has these ultra-masculine costumes (a cowboy, David Beckham, one of the fast and furious guys even though he never watched the movies, a boxer with his DAD’S boxing gloves... god) costumes are about becoming something else and he always chooses to be hypermasculine and that is trans.

THE PHYSICAL EDUCATION EPISODE!!!!!!! being uncomfortable during P.E. is a queer experience. period. but him being specifically uncomfortable in the clothes someone else is assigning to him? trans. “are we gonna talk about clothes like a girl? or use tapered sticks to hit balls around a cushioned mat like a man?” TRANS. and him eventually stripping in public? celebration of transness. and the fact that he eventually becomes comfortable in both the uniform and his own style!! trans!! god i love this episode. 

AND AND AND!!! the gay dean coming out episode!!! where it’s the three of them discussing the best way for the dean to come out as gay despite not entirely identifying with that label!! so we have both frankie and the dean who are sort of ambiguously queer, and jeff who’s a stealth trans man who’s probably only out to only the study group at this point. this scene where the dean and jeff have this like eyebrow communication while frankie is talking is just so cute. queer-to-queer communication. “I am so curious” “oh?” “intellectually.” “oh...” ajfdksljfk this scene just screams high school GSA to me and i love it so much.

and SPEAKING of the dean!! i totally see you on that. i feel like jeff has some internalized homophobia/biphobia (like he’d throw punches over someone else, but when it comes to himself he has a lot of shame). and also seeing the dean so confident in all his different outfits/costumes has a weird affect on him bc it’s like “okay, the dean, a cis guy, can do that, but i as a trans guy could Not because that’s Breaking the Rules”. which, like, throwback to the halloween thing. of course there’s no right way to be masculine, but mr. winger does not know that.

another thing!! the episode where their emails get leaked? that includes his emails with his therapist. fuck!! he was outed to the whole world in that episode!! no wonder he was so fucking angry!! this whole episode (and really any time he mentions his therapist) is so interesting when you think about them as a person he talks to about his transition. OH which adds to the thing with the dean!! “and you told your therapist you wanted to be alone this weekend” and “not you jeff, i know you’ll be visiting your dad” ”I told you to stop reading my emails”. luckily his study group has his back and just makes fun of him for emailing astronauts lmao

and WHO can forget “they’re giving out an award for most handsome young man!!!!” what else is there to say about this line besides: he’s trans. you know he didn’t get awarded enough for being a handsome young man when he was a kid, and no amount of compliments when he’s fully-grown can really make up for that. some people crash a kid’s bar mitzvah to cope with the fact that they struggled to be seen as themselves when they were a teenager <3

also his weird relationship with pierce? where he kind of hates him (understandably lmao) but at times has this almost-friends-almost-father-son relationship with him? especially in this episode where he’s forced to bond with him and ends up having a good time by accident (at a barber shop no less, the perfect place to Be A Man with your Man Friend). idk what to say about him besides the fact that pierce says his mom wanted a girl when he was born and made him dress like a girl (and his middle name is anastasia!) so if they’re gonna do any bonding over transness it’s gonna be that. 

okay one last thing and then i’ll shut up for the night. this episode kills me (and almost kills jeff hahahahelpi’mcrying). it’s a very Trans thing to not be able to visualize your future self, it just is. growing up trans at the time he did? i don’t know what kind of future he saw for himself, but i’m so happy that he ended up with a group of friends who became his family and love him the way they all do. i’m so emotional over this asshole it’s ridiculous. 

in conclusion:

they’re trans, your honor <3

[iamkidfish]

bestie I need to know ur fav fic you've written... I can't decide which one is my fav so I'm having u decide for me (Idk if you've been asked this yet so I could sound real dumb LMFAO)

omg no it’s not dumb!! (I’ve never been asked about my writing process so this is exciting!)

this is hard just because i feel like I’ve written all of my fics for different reasons? like I’ve been in a bunch of different fandoms for a really long time and I grew up in a pretty small, conservative town in rural maryland (also catholic but that’s a whole other thing) so i got my hands on every piece of queer/wlw media I could. That being said, I never felt good enough to write about characters that weren’t my own, until I saw Atypical. Maybe it was because I watched both seasons in like a really long weekend? but the first fic I finished and posted was a casey x izzie fic that’s maybe 1500 words. So that really holds a special place in my heart even though it’s probably not the best and I was 18 when I wrote it. 

I’m kinda assuming you meant fic for the wilds but honey put your sweet lips on mine literally got me through the 2020 US elections and it was also my nanowrimo project. Teenage Bounty Hunters was probably the last show I watched before the wilds and it tore me open and put me back together again. This was also the first explicit/smut fic I wrote so I think that was a big step for me. Like I said before I grew up pretty religious, so writing about christian queer girls fumbling around in cars was really healing. Also writing about girls kissing is fun hehe :)

I’m also chronically bad at finishing fics-thanks adhd- and I literally have a google doc of all of my fic ideas (lol remember that harry potter au? rip) and also ideas in my notes app and the stuff i share with my friends on here and twitter. I wrote to see the sun, to paint the sky in 6ish days?? I remember when there were legit like 2 fics in the wilds tag and I think when I posted it, it was the 20th fic lol. But I’m really proud of myself for writing so many words in so little time

(if I my ass can ever finish caught in the riptide-I will, I promise-then that’ll be the longest thing i’ve ever written and finished. plus, someone gave me that prompt back in december, so I really want to complete that for them :’) )

I know I haven’t really been posting that much fic (I’m sorry!!), but don’t worry, I plan on sticking around and yelling about these girls for a long long time. When I tell you, I’ve consistently thought about shoni or leatin or the unsinkable eight every goddamn day since december 11th, it’s a problem. I don’t think I’ve ever been obsessed with a show like this since maybe 2015 with Carmilla (God, remember that little webseries), like The Wilds truly lives rent free in my brain.

Moving forward, I don’t want to make any promises about updates or deadlines but just know I am writing (just slowly uwu). However, i’m really excited about my next two leatin fics!! The first one is a one shot that starts in the bunker and continues into their lives post-experiment. The google doc I’m writing it in is called “leatin pain” and idk some of y’all might be mad at me when i post it lol. It’s also based off of an evermore taylor swift song (no I’m telling) so....prepare yourselves now. This is getting long so the only thing I’ll say about the other fic is that if I do write it, it’s gonna be easily the longest thing I’ve written (think at least 25k). Post-bunker au, slow burn, angst, leah and fatin miscommunicating at their finest and everyone else is tired of their shit. Oh, also they all live together in LA because I love found family and I said so.

thank you so much for this ask!! i definitely wrote way too much and now it’s 3am and i’m once again emotional about this show

[aplaceforthesoul]

Hi, I'm a 17 year old girl and I have been sticking with wearing jeans, baggy t-shirts, and ugly flannels for years now trying to reclaim my self image from my abusive parents. Recently I've been trying to branch out and wear cuter things in order to mentally prepare myself for wearing a prom dress soon, but I don't even know where to start. Could you give me some tips on how to not hate myself in everything I wear, or even where to look for clothes that arent from Walmart? Thank you❤!

use the internet for some inspiration if you like? follow fashion blogs here on tumblr and on instagram, google lots of images and styles, maybe download apps like Depop to search for clothing inspiration, pinterest could be of some use too :)

if you don’t have a lot of cash at the moment then thrift shops and charity shops are an excellent place to buy cheap clothes, and you can find some really special clothes sometimes (: Depop is an app where people sell second-hand clothing for cheap prices, facebook groups can be pretty useful as well! if you’re wanting new clothes (which is also completely fine hehe) then maybe places like H&M, Forever 21 and Urban Outfitters can be good shops to start off with.

how not to hate yourself in everything you wear? it’s going to take some time, you’ve been through some rough shit and it’s a process to heal from that and to change your thought patterns. go to lots of different stores, and take a friend shopping with you! they can be good for emotional support, but it’s also helpful when you’re in the change rooms and might need different sizes of things q: sizes can vary wildly between stores so numbers on clothing tags aren’t always to be trusted! the more time you spend in shops, the better you’ll get to know which stores sell clothes that fit you well and which don’t. 

I’m so proud of you for wanting to heal from the past and to become your own person, take it one day at a time friend you can do this xxx

- tash

[luvdsc]

Hihi Cat! I've come to deliver some good news! (This is pretty long huhu ToT)

MY ERB HAS BEEN APPROVED AND I CAN PROCEED TO RECRUIT PARTICIPANTS!! Ahh it's been such a blessing to be able to proceed immediately! I've actually hit my target amount of participants in less than a day (IT'S CRAZY) but I'm gonna collect more responses cuz the more the better! (Would you wanna check the questionnaire out? I can PM you the link!! :3)

Also also I PASSED THAT FINALS! The one I took a day after my vaccination (1st dose) ToT GAHH I'm so happy I won't even ask for more, it's enough :3

I've been writing my thesis during this sem break but it's progressing pretty slowly cuz I've been so drained from last semester and the vaccine itself. Huhu but I've written a brief rundown for my proposal so there's a rough idea there, just needa rly assemble it into a clear narrative. And yes I agree! Psychology studies are a beautiful fusion of science & human essence imo, and its fascinating learning more abt ourselves and how we as the human species progress in life ya know? 😌

I got my second dose exactly a week ago and got the same side effects - headache, arm soreness, hunger, fatigue; I felt like a fusion of psyduck & snorlax HAHAHAHA 😂 - it wasn't anything serious so yay I'm fully vaccinated! (in a few weeks time keke I'll be)

HAHAHAHA my vaccination appointments were pretty eventful. The nurses and volunteers were all so warm and friendly! I'm the type of person who feels whatever's being injected into me, it's not the pain that I wanna distract myself from (it wasn't pain tbh) but that sluggish discomfort I get from the needle ejaculation >//< sooo as they showed me the vile and syringe before injecting me, I prepped my Yangyang photocard in my hand. During my second dose, the nurse thought I had some fancy way of taking a video when in actual fact I was just looking at my Yangyang photocard hehe UwU she asked me whether I wanted to see the needle going in (smtg I can't look at tbh) and I was like HELL NAH ToT

And also some recap from the previous ask!

There's no need to apologise for the delayed response okie!! UwU my sem break is ending this week, but I've spent my time completing my academic research trainee tasks (transcribing audio clips), I've also created the content & design for my uni's newsletter, did some thesis writing, and I took a course on financial planning on Coursera to prep myself for the adulting life ToT

And idm sharing my back up / failed topics! I didn't have a lot of cards in my hands, but here are some of em!

1) time perspective and meaning in life 2) anticipatory nostalgia 3) not a topic but a variable! fragility of happiness / happiness aversion

what ideas did you settle on for yr art pieces? If you dm sharing, I'd love to hear abt it! 💖💖💖

Tbh I can't think of a fav ice cream flavor hmm 🤔 i rly didn't think it'd be so hard thinking of a fav ice cream flavor but the first that comes to mind is green tea! I like them milky flavored ice cream😍 though my fav from this ice cream place I go to is thai milk tea, it's so fragrant and milky!! 🥺💖 I just got myself a tub of milk & biscoff gelato keke UwU what's yr fav ice cream flavor? :3

For my course structure:

We have 2 long sems (Jan - Apr, & Aug - Dec, 16 weeks) & a short sem (May - July, 9 weeks)! Our sem breaks are only around a month then it's back to sleepless nights ToT AND YES those weeks were the most stressful weeks ever 🥺😭 I'm glad I'm graduating soon for that reason 😂(though idk what awaits in the working world ToT that is another fear I have :/)

Thank you for being part of this journey and being open to listening to my lil adventures! 🥺🙆🏻‍♀️💖😭 esp w the amount of responses and ppl helping me, I feel a lil more motivated to work and excel in this pregnancy (thesis, I call it pregnancy cuz it's around 9 months too HEHE) Since the pandemic, it's been pretty hard separating studies & hobbies :/ I've learnt it the hard way from my period cramps last sem (mine's the severe type where you can faint ToT), and it was also on my last paper for finals !! Very traumatizing ._. but I'll continue to manage myself better! :3

Huhu Cat since you're working now, I also wanna ask abt yr experience in job seeking! Cuz unemployment is a real deal here esp. w everything that's going on :') I don't have working experience either (only had 1 through internship) and it literally feels like I'm going into the unknown ToT I've been running over some case studies and assessments just to better prep myself for this. Do you have any advice as someone who's already working? UwU

Take care and stay lovely as always!! 💖💖💖

hi, sweetpea !!!! 🌸 omg major congratulations for getting your ERB approved, honey bee !!!!! 🥳🥳🥳 that’s absolutely amazing, and I’m uber proud of you 🥺💗💗 also, it’s wonderful that you hit the required number of participants so quickly !!!!! (And I would love to participate if the questionnaire is still open 🤧)

AND HECK YEAAA CONGRATS ON PASSING THE FINAL TOO 🤩🤩🤩🤩 big congrats to you all around, miss smarty pants 💓💓💓

Oh gosh, I hope you got to rest during your semester break too ): you’re working so hard, please remember to take care of yourself !! 💕 your mental health is more important 🤍 have you finalized your proposal now? And omg yes exactly !!! It’s so interesting to see the thought process behind an action and how it can be manipulated or influenced by various stimulants or there’s also the argument between nature versus nurture too and how that affects psychology and it’s just all so cool to learn about 🤩

Omg you had so many symptoms, I’m so sorry to hear that 😭 I only had a sore arm, but that’s what happens when I get any shot 🤧 I hope you’re feeling better now 💘💘

I’m really glad to hear that the nurses and volunteers were kind and friendly !! it’s always comforting to have nice people as doctors, especially when you’re trusting them to stick a needle in you bshdjdjdkd omg yangyang to the rescue !!!! 💞💞 we’re not allowed to record record any medical appointments, like I think the nurse thought the person in front of me in line was recording when they were getting their vaccine and said they weren’t allowed to do that 😅 and aaaaa I always have to look when they inject me, I don’t like being taken by surprise 🤧

oh my gosh you were so productive over your semester break !!!! :o and oooo you do content & design for your school’s newsletter? Do you do stuff like graphic designing and write articles? 💓 and how was the financial planning course !! Did you learn a lot? Did you like the studies? :’)

aaaaa those topics sound so cool ??? 🤩🤩 I would definitely be down to read about those omg 💛

for my 3D design class, I decided to do lightbulbs and flowers as my overarching theme for my art pieces !! I included a couple pictures below under the cut at the bottom 💓 the first one is a soft sculpture made out of newspaper, and there’s a pencil next to it for size reference, the second one is made of wires that I shaped myself, and the third one is made of foam boards that I cut and assembled myself as well 💕 and I included a picture of my final painting project! it’s a triptych and I believe the size was like 18 x 24 for each one? If you click on the picture, it should be better quality!

omg I love green tea ice cream too !!!!! 🍵🍦 I like going to somi somi for their matcha and milk swirl ice cream with red bean taiyaki 💚 I only had thai milk tea ice cream once, but it was phenomenal 🤩 I wish they sold it near me too !! milk and biscoff :o I’ve never tried that flavor! I’ll have to see if it’s sold around here :’) green tea is my favorite, but I also really like everything but the... from Ben and Jerry’s !! 💛 also alcoholic ice cream.... like there’s this one kind where it was a breakfast esque type with vanilla, corn flakes, and bourbon, and it was delicious 😋

omg what 😭😭 you’re basically going to school year round with no break bahsjdjdjdkd when I was in uni, i had a month off for winter break (usually something like dec 9 - jan 9) and then mid june to mid September off, so around three months of summer vacation? Your school schedule sounds absolutely brutal 💀💀

and omg of course !!! Thank you for letting me be a part of the journey 🥺💗 bdjdjddj pregnancy omg that’s such an interesting way of seeing it :o sending you all my love and support for a successful delivery of your thesis baby 🥰🥰 oh yeah, it’s definitely been a struggle to separate everything, especially when the lines between home and workspace blur with online school or working from home. And oh my god ???? Are you okay ?? Did you go see a doctor or take any medication? I hope you’re feeling better now !! Please take care of yourself 😭

ah, I got my job through my internship, so I’m not sure how helpful I will be 😅 but during the process of interviewing for internships, there were several rounds for each company that range from a group interview, a one on one interview, video interview where they give you random questions that you have to answer on the spot (some of mine were discuss the stock market, give a sales pitch on something you’re interested in, etc), a test, etc. I think it’s different depending on the job you’re going for, but that’s what I had to do in the business field! It’s important to study and prep for all of this!! It’s like taking an verbal exam for one of your classes. And also make sure to study the company’s website and familiarize yourself with what they do/sell.

My one piece of overall advice would be about interviews! Interviews are important in which the person interviewing you is seeing if you’ll be a good fit with the company, not in terms of skill, but personality. They already know you’re qualified and have good skills - that’s how you got the interview. With the interview, they’re essentially trying to see how personable you are and if you will work well with their team. Some people are so intent on proving their skills that they kinda just rattle off all their achievements and whatnot, and it’s like... the interviewer already knows this, it’s all on the resume they reviewed when they decided to give the interview offer. Be friendly, open, maybe make a little small talk at the beginning (“hey, how are you? any weekend plans / how was your weekend?” This is what I did for all my business interviews, and I got an offer back from every one 🤧💗), make appropriate jokes / be a little funny, just show that you’d be a fun person to have in the office whom people will want on their team, but that you will also be dedicated to the job and work hard 💘

And thank you so much, honey bee!!! 💞 I hope you’re doing well and having a good week , and please take care as well 🌷🌷

[queercapwriting]

hey mom, I'm not in a very good place rn. I'd describe myself as soft butch, and I actually like the way I look rn, no make-up, short hair and all, but everytime I go out I get anxiety because I feel like people are judging me. It stresses me and makes me hate my sexuality sometimes, I know you're busy and your prompts are full but could I please have a small sanvers fic with maybe a teen soft butch in it? I feel like I really need good rep rn... if u dont want just delete this, its okay

She’s in the field and she’s got her game face on – shoulders set, stance relaxed but ready, eyes sharp – and when J Cole’s Hold It Down blasts out of her back pocket, her work partner cocks a grin at you.

“Your kid?”

She grins at the term and answers quickly.

“Adrian, I’m on the job, what up?”

“Can I bring a kid to our dinner tonight? Remember that girl Val I was telling you about? She’s trippin cause she had a rough time in school today – “

“Yeah, course you can, kid.”

“You gotta go.”

Maggie grins at his sensitivity, his perceptiveness. “You could be a detective yourself, Ade. See you both tonight.”

She chews the inside of her cheek – a habit she’s been picking up from her girlfriend – and shoots a quick text off to Alex, telling her to expect one more tonight before pocketing her phone and sighing, squatting to analyze the tire marks leftover by the latest Cadmus lackey getaway car.

She pushes tonight’s dinner – a biweekly thing, dinner with her girlfriend and her college boy (she never tires of reminding him how proud she is that he’s in college) – to the back of her mind until she walks through the door of her apartment several hours later to find in her kitchen Alex, Adrian, and a short kid – must the the Val girl Adrian was talking about – with a dapper, short haircut, make-up free face, collared shirt and khakis, skin darker than hers but lighter than Adrian’s, smile just as bright.

Alex has the look of panicked glee of a pale five year old being caught with her hand in the cookie jar; Adrian’s holding the handle of a smoking frying pan with one hand and pointing at Alex with the other; and the new kid is frozen mid-laugh, eyes wide and nervous at finally meeting the detective she’s heard so much about from Adrian.

Maggie appraises the situation with a single glance and grins.

“Alex tried to cook.”

“I – “

“All good, Danvers, we’ll order in, but I gotta say, I’m still surprised your skills in the lab don’t transfer to the kitchen – “

“Hehe, your skills – “

“That’s enough out of you, young man.”

“Yes, Agent Danvers.”

Maggie laughs and shakes her head at their banter as she drops her gun and jacket on a chair and strides over with her hand out to greet the new kid.

“Maggie Sawyer,” she says, leaving the usual NCPD part out because the girl is looking more nervous by the second.

“Valerie.”

“But you prefer Val?” Maggie asks, and Adrian nods behind Val’s back in case she isn’t brave enough to say yes. She is, and she nods, and Maggie smiles warmly at her.

“Okay, Val, so. What’re you hungry for, aside from whatever my woman charred on the stove?”

“Hey – “

“Is it not true, Danvers?”

Alex scowls playfully and Maggie leans in for a kiss. Adrian squeals and leans into Val. “Told you they were the cutest couple ever. My real life OTP!”

Val smiles, but there’s sadness behind it.

“Bad day, kid?” Alex asks, and gestures her to the couch.

“She likes this girl,” Adrian knocks his shoulder into Val gently, and she shoves him with an embarrassed laugh on her face. Alex ooohs and Maggie squeals, and Val almost cries, because she’s never met grown-ups who were this excited to hear about her crushes on girls before.

“She’s really pretty,” Val confesses in a single breath, collapsing onto the couch with her knees spread wide and heat spreading across her shyly smiling face.

“Okay, tell. Everything. But first, tell me what you want for food.”

“Whatever’s fine. Pizza, maybe.”

Maggie chuckles as she takes out her phone to order. “Always with the pizza in this family.”

Alex kisses her and Adrian squeezes her knee when they catch her family comment, and Val flushes to be so easily included in such a term.

“Nothing, I just… she’s really good at math – “

“A definite turn on – “

“Oh, is that why you like coming to my lowly easy-bake oven lab, Danvers?”

“Ladies! There are children present!”

“I’m not a children, I’m sixteen!”

“Children,” Adrian, Alex, and Maggie all chorus, and Val rolls her eyes and continues.

“There’s the math thing, and she’s just really sweet, she always sticks up for the kids who get picked on, and she’s got these gorgeous curls and she’s – “

“Super duper femmey, and totally into soft little butches like yourself,” Adrian says and pokes her in the belly gently. She swats at his hand and shrugs defeatedly.

“I dunno. I mean, I’m not just into femmes… but she is super femmey… but maybe she wants someone harder than me? Or like, femmier than me? Like, less gay, maybe, or more gay, or – ”

“So, basically, you’re creating a girl who’s anything but you in your mind, right?” Maggie grins with a tilted head, and Val sighs.

“I guess.”

Maggie squints at her and exhales sharply and wets her lips and speaks.

“You know before I met Danvers over here, it was… I dated. A lot.”

“Don’t worry Alex. You won,” Adrian whispers, and Alex slaps him five softly without taking her eyes off Maggie.

“I dated, but it was… it was women who didn’t get me, you know? They saw leather jackets and a cop badge and a bike and darker skin than theirs – god, too many white girls, sorry babe, but that’s a story for another day – so they expected me to be a certain type of way, expected me to be… well, more butch, you know? Like, all the time. They were interested in the role I could play – and I can play it, I can be it, and I like it, I love doting on women – “

Val smiles and nods and Alex blushes and Adrian snickers.

“But that’s not all I am, you know?” She shrugs. “Sometimes I like a little lace under the leather. And we’ve got different styles, you and me.” She gestures to Val’s hair cut, her looser clothes, with a grin. “And I love it. Your style. It’s absolutely fantastic. And you look really at home in it. And that’s the thing. You? How you feel, how you are? That’s the only thing that matters. So if she likes you, she’s gotta like your soft butchliness. And who wouldn’t, I mean look at you, you’re perfect.”

Val scoffs and Alex beams at Maggie and Adrian squeezes Val’s knee.

The doorbell rings and Adrian squeals. “Pizza!”

Maggie glances at Alex, and Alex nods with a grin before getting up to get the door.

“Your girl like pizza?” Maggie asks, and Val nods.

“I saved her the last slice last week at the school paper’s party when she was late from class. She was really happy.”

Maggie slaps her own thigh in excitement. “Damn girl, see, you got game! Wanna invite her over? We can watch crappy Netflix movies, and the three of us will check out if she checks you out and it’ll be awesome.”

Val smiles at the thought and pulls her phone out of her back pocket.

“Do you guys do this for all of us? Open up your home like this?”

Alex beams over the small stack of pizza boxes when Maggie looks up at her, and Adrian grins widely, proudly, gratefully, at them both as he cracks open a box and digs in immediately.

“Only to the cool kids,” Maggie teases, and Val nods, and types out a text to her crush, because she’s nervous but she’s perfect just like she is, and what’s there not to like, right, Maggie said so, and also, pizza.

Pizza with new family.

Even if her crush declines to come over, she’s pretty sure it’s going to be a good night.