#I'm posting this before my brain makes me anxious and makes me change my mind about doing this lol

[milkamel]

Sudden kross thoughts + headcanons I drew in like 20 minutes I seriously can't stop thinking about these two idiots and I need to write about this somewhere..

Like- They're so different (also very similar) but complement each other so well- just perfect for each other. Cross needs someone to tell him that it's okay to relax sometimes and Killer needs someone to help him take care of himself more <3 gfjgkfgjfkh my sweet babies-

Killer belongs to rahafwabas Cross belongs to jakei

[kindnessoverperfection]

Some recent wins:

-Sang loudly and off-key with my partner. We were both laughing to tears. I was sober.

-Found myself actually thinking about musical theatre today. For myself, for my own interest in it. I wasn't chasing it for a narc high, nor avoiding it due to a crash. It's been a long time since I've thought about my interests for my own sake.

-Invited my friends to hang out

[ironstrange1991]

A Night Like No Other

+18 Smut

Pairing: Doctor!Strange, Defender!Strange, Supreme!Strange x Female!Reader

Synopsis: It's Valentine's day night and you prepare a special night for your Stephens.

Word Count: 9,5k

Warnings: Polyamorous relationship dinamics, a little jealousy, mostly brain rot SMUT: oral sex with male and female receiving, vaginal and anal sex, double penetration, creampie, cum eating (There's probably more but I don't remember)

A/N: I'm so happy to finally be posting this fic. I know it's two months late, but I've put so much work into it that I really can't believe it's ready. I really hope you guys like it and have a great read ;)

"Not this one." You murmured, looking at your endless collection of heels in your closet. "No, definitely not this one. Maybe… this one." You took a pair of red sandals in your hands, but then changed your mind when your eyes found the perfect pair you knew you were looking for. A pair of black Christian Louboutin pumps.

You stood on tiptoe to reach them and then you smiled mischievously to yourself heading to the bedroom bench and put them on. It had been a while since you wore those and you couldn't deny that you felt so powerful in them.

You folded your legs on the bench, positioning your feet so that your heels were clearly visible and took a photo, sending it directly to your three main contacts and giggling to yourself while writing the most cliché pick-up line you could think of at that moment.

WHEN YOU GUYS GET HOME TONIGHT, THIS IS ALL I'LL BE WEARING. ♥️

You replicated the message to the other two Stephens, reading it out loud to make sure the message was clear enough: You were waiting for the three of them that night to celebrate Valentine's Day.

You remembered perfectly the fiasco that was the last one. Okay, maybe it wasn't that bad, but it definitely could have been a lot better. It had all happened because you weren't clear enough about what you wanted for the night, or at least you convinced yourself that it was your fault. You found you always put the blame on yourself so you didn't need to blame one Stephen or the other, but the truth was that navigating between the ego and jealousy of the three of them was the hardest thing you've ever had to do in your life.

It didn't take long for your cell phone to buzz with a response.

I WOULD ENJOY SO MUCH MORE IF THE SURPRISE WAS JUST FOR ME, BUT I CAN'T WAIT TO GET HOME TONIGHT.

You didn't need to read the name at the top of the message to know it was Supreme, but even if it was hidden behind jealousy, you could capture the anxiety he felt about returning home and it made you smile from ear to ear. God, you had been with the three Stephens for a little over a year and a half, but you seriously doubted you would ever get used to the way they made you feel. Every time they came home you felt butterflies in your stomach, each loving message made your heart flutter in your chest. It was beautiful and scary at the same time.

You left your shoes on the floor next to the bench and went back to the closet, slipping into jeans and a jumper.

As you were grabbing your bag and keys and heading to the doors to leave you heard the familiar hiss of a portal opening and a smile played on your lips before you saw it was just Wong.

"You shouldn't look so disappointed every time I come in. It's offensive." He said. You never knew when Wong was being serious or not, so you rushed to defend yourself.

"Today is Valentine's Day. I have reasons to be anxious for my boyfriends to get home."

Wong nodded as he dragged some boxes and then closed the portal. "Good thing you reminded me. That's reason enough for me not to want to be less than half a planet away from this Sanctum tonight. As if three Stranges wasn't reason enough."

"You say that, but I know deep down you can't live without Stephen, Wong." You smirked, unable to hold your tongue.

He scoffed "Yeah, right. Defender isn't that bad. The other two are the problem."

"Do not tell me that." You agreed "I'm going to the grocery store to get some things to prepare dinner. Do you want me to bring you something? I'm going to go near the Sandwich bar that sells that tuna melt that you love so much..."

"It's very kind of you to offer, but unfortunately - or fortunately - I'm returning to Kamar Taj."

"Okay. I'll see you tomorrow then. Bye."

"Bye."

When you parked in parking lot you heard your cell phone ringing and ran to answer it when you saw Stephen's name on the display.

"Hello you"

"Sending indecent photos to distract me from work. You should be embarrassed, sweetheart."

"Really? And what's indecent about the photo of my feet wearing those shoes?"

You can almost see him smirking on the other end of the line before replying, "Other than the message you sent with it, you mean?"

You giggled to yourself "And how effective was my attempt to make you want to come home sooner?"

"Hm, very effective."

You were surprised by the sound of a horn and two drivers fighting each other.

"Where are you?" Stephen asked.

"Walmart’s parking lot. I came to get some things to prepare for our romantic Valentine's Day dinner that you guys have been owing me since last year."

"That's great. And how romantic will this dinner be?" He teased.

"Very romantic. The kind where you have to dress all nice for me and wear that cologne of yours that I love."

"Noted. It's a shame I'm going to have to share you tonight, I'd much rather have you all to myself."

You found yourself rolling your eyes and agreeing one hundred percent with Wong, Stephen and Supreme were indeed the problem.

"Behave yourself" You scolded him, taking your bag and walking towards the store entrance. "It's important for me to have you three tonight. I've wanted this for so long..."

"You just had us together last week" He groaned in frustration.

"I'm not talking about... sex, Stephen" You had to lower your voice to say the word as you picked up the cart and headed towards the produce section.

"Really? I must have been fooled by the photo and message you sent half an hour ago."

"Shut up. Of course sex is a big part of tonight, but it's not just about that. It's about being together, talking, listening to music and having good wine."

Stephen hummed "Romance."

"Exactly. Just because you've already won over the girl doesn't mean you don't need to be romantic anymore, Stephen."

He chuckled "I leave the romanticism to Defender, he's better than me at that... and pretty much everything else apparently."

You sighed, finishing picking up the vegetables and heading towards the refrigerators where you hoped to find a good piece of meat to roast with them.

"I love you, Stephen, but please, no display of jealousy tonight. Please?"

"Okay, I'll behave, I promise."

"Thank you."

"I need to go. See you tonight, love."

"See you, Steph."

You turned off your cell phone and put it in your pocket and dedicated yourself to getting the rest of the things that were missing and walked towards the cashier.

...

You weren't exactly a great cook like Defender, but you always had a willingness to learn and some skill so you could even say that you were good in the kitchen.

You chopped the vegetables that consisted of carrots, onions, green beans, broccoli and tomatoes and dedicated yourself to seasoning the meat and put everything together in a pan wrapped with aluminum foil and put it in the oven for what you knew would be at least 2 hours.

While you waited, you decided to take a shower and took the opportunity to shave every inch of your body to make it smooth to the touch. You blow-dried your hair and used a styling mousse and put it in curlers. You took the opportunity to do all the steps of your skin care and applied lotion all over your body, taking the opportunity to use some body oil to give your skin a little shine. You didn’t even notice time passing while you were distracted taking care of yourself and being surprised by the alarm you had set on your cell phone so as not to let you forget about the roast in the oven.

You put on a robe and went downstairs.

The roast was practically done, so you got rid of the aluminum foil, drizzled the meat with more olive oil and just a little fleur de sel and returned to the oven to brown.

When you heard your cell phone buzzing you wiped your hands and rushed to read the message and smile to yourself feeling your heart fluttering in your chest.

ALWAYS A TEASE, BABY. CAN'T WAIT TO GET HOME, JUST A FEW MORE MINUTES AND I'LL BE IN YOUR LOVELY ARMS. LOVE YOU SO MUCH.

You dedicated yourself to preparing the sauce for your pasta and left the pan full of water and salt on the stove, but besides that, everything needed to be put on hold because it was already past 6pm and you knew they would arrive at any moment and although the dinner was an important part of your evening, you were determined that sex should come first.

You turned off the roast, but kept it in the oven and prepared the table with a beautiful red tablecloth, positioning the plates and cutlery, glasses, and, of course, the candlesticks. A romantic dinner needs candlelight.

Once everything was organized, you went upstairs to finish getting ready. You let down your hair that fell in perfect waves to the middle of your back and put just a little gloss on your lips deciding that there was no reason to wear makeup since soon you would be with your face being pushed into the mattress. You smiled mischievously to yourself feeling the desire built inside you. You put on your heels and kept your promise not to wear anything other than them, keeping only the robe on until at exactly 7pm you heard the familiar squeak of a portal.

You smiled, feeling your cheeks get slightly warm and, taking off your robe, you left the room towards the entrance hall.

...

Stephen smiled to himself as he read the text you sent him. He would have replied it instantly if he hadn't been stuck in a meeting with the Avengers. Tony Stark and Steve Rogers were going over all the details about the next mission and although Stephen knew the importance of resolving the problem as soon as possible, he was not at all happy about having to participate.

Supreme was at the meeting too, and Stephen could see the smile on his lips as he read a message on his cell phone that Stephen was sure was exactly the same as the one he had read. You wouldn't make the mistake of not being democratic in your provocation, not after the events of last Valentine's Day. It was extremely important to you that the three of them knew that you loved them equally.

Supreme quickly typed a response without bothering to be discreet, but Stephen preferred something more intimate, so he just put his cell phone back in the pocket of his robes.

"We will be in unknown territory, dealing with forces of which we have no knowledge..." Steve Rogers was pointing out the importance of concentrating on every detail of the plan, but was then cut off by Stark.

"Yeah, yeah, supernatural stuff. That's why we'll be taking with us not one, but two wizards."

Stephen rolled his lips, uncomfortable with the use of the wrong term. He wasn't a wizard and Stark knew that because he had already explained the difference a hundred times, but now Stephen was almost certain that Stark was referring to him that way to provoke him. Supreme, on the other hand, interrupted him, deciding to explain to the small Avengers audience.

"The correct term is sorcerer. Wizards are born with magic, we learned it with a lot of study and effort, although for us it came almost naturally."

Stark rolled his eyes, but continued with the explanation.

When the meeting ended Stephen managed to sneak into an empty room and call you. He wanted much more than just calling, he wanted to leave immediately, but first he needed to get back to Kamar Taj.

Once he and Supreme managed to leave the Avengers Tower, they headed directly there where they met with Wong and Defender and discussed matters relating to the maintenance of the Kamar Taj itself, the teaching and training of students, and the protection of the three Sanctums of power of the Earth. When the small informal meeting ended, Stephen looked at the clock realizing that it must already be almost 7pm in NY and was quick to decline Wong's offer to stay for tea.

"We have an appointment at home." Stephen explained evasively, but Wong smirked as if he knew more than Stephen could imagine.

"Sure, sure. Valentine's day and all. Y/n is planning a special night, I imagine."

Stephen nodded. "We'll talk tomorrow."

"You can call us if anything happens, as always." Defender added to what Supreme contradicted.

"Definitely not tonight. There are dozens of other masters you can call, Wong. We're off for the night and probably a good part of tomorrow as well."

Wong didn't bother to respond. He just closed some books that were on the table and organized them into a pile, picking them up and heading out the door.

"What a fucking day! I thought it would never end." Supreme complained.

"Let's go home" Defender said with a tired sigh and Stephen opened a portal being welcomed by the delicious smell of food and the realization of finally being home.

...

Defender Strange was sure that nothing in the world could be better than coming home and being greeted by his wife, but when he saw you coming down the stairs completely naked wearing only the heels you showed him in the photograph you sent earlier, he didn't know what to think. That fulfills all his fantasies.

You were beautiful. You are beautiful. The curvaceous body, the full breasts, the long hair cascading down to the middle of your back, little or no makeup other than a pink gloss on your lips and the typical smile of someone who promises and wants to be extremely provocative, but in reality it’s a shy little thing.

He didn't know how he was looking at you, much less how the other Stephens were reacting to that vision of paradise in front of them, but you stopped at the bottom of the stairs and your cheeks turned red.

"So?" Your voice sounded low.

Supreme took the initiative and approached you and touched your face affectionately and kissed your lips. Defender felt a pang of jealousy when you and Supreme were close, but he was used to not showing it and on the other hand - however contradictory it was - he couldn't deny that he liked seeing you with the other Stephens, that always turned him on.

"You look beautiful, honey."

Your cheeks turned a darker shade of red that Defender found charming.

"I confess the idea seemed sexier when I sent the message. Now I'm too self-conscious."

"You look beautiful" Defender and Stephen responded together and then laughed softly at the situation.

"Come here, give me a kiss, sweetheart. I loved the reception you prepared for us. You know I always love everything you do for us."

You took the hand he offered you and walked closer. Stephen grabbed the back of your head and pulled you to his lips and Defender felt his cock throb inside his pants. He wanted you so much. Ever since he saw that message, all he could think about was the moment he would have you on his lap riding him.

"I made dinner. Well, it's almost ready. There are still a few things to finish."

"I guess we can think about food later, don't you think?" Supreme suggested. "You have other needs that I want you to satisfy first." He smirked "That text... did things to me, honey."

Defender smirked. Supreme was so cheesy sometimes.

He finally approached you and touched your face.

"So bold sending us that photo when I know at home you're super shy, baby."

You blushed even more.

"Did you like it?"

"I loved the surprise. I loved that you prepared something special for our Valentine's Day. I love you so much, Y/n. There isn't a day that goes by that I'm not grateful for having you in my life."

You wrapped your arms around his neck. "Defender Strange... how can I not love you when you say those things?"

He chuckled watching you hold his hand and take Stephen's hand and adjust it to hold them in one hand, while taking Supreme's hand with the other "Come on, let's go up stairs."

...

The master bedroom, Stephen's room, was the largest room in the Sanctum. Supreme had a hard time accepting Stephen staying with it, but he was aware that it made sense. For better or worse, Stephen was the Doctor Strange of that universe. That room was the setting for almost every night you had sex together for obvious reasons, it was the biggest room, it had the biggest bed and it felt the most right somehow and Supreme felt the familiar twist in his stomach caused by anxiety when you led the three of them directly to that room.

It was something difficult to explain and he never talked about it with the other Stephens - although he was sure the others felt the same way - but the reality was that he loved sharing you. He loved watching the other Stephens fuck you even though it also filled him with jealousy. Jealousy was hot.

Supreme still remembered the first time, it was your birthday and you had sex together for the first time. It was unforgettable, but everyone was so nervous and insecure that it was not possible to fully appreciate the moment. Now it was different. Foursomes became a common thing in your lives and every time it was incredible. Supreme always had the best orgasms when you let him cum in your mouth while he watched Defender and Stephen fucking you. It was so fucking hot. He was sure he could get stressed and jealous sometimes, but he could never be bored with the life you led. He often felt like he was living inside a porn movie. In the best way.

"Tell me, honey, what do you want to do with us tonight?" He teased when he realized how unsure you were about your next steps.

You bit your lip and then glanced to the two levitation cloaks still tied to his and Stephen's shoulders.

"Could you leave us alone for a moment?" You asked, gently stroking his blue cloak.

The two sentient relics flew out the door and slammed the door on the way out. His cloaky looking particularly offended at being left out.

"I'm pretty sure he wanted to stay and watch." Supreme joked, drawing a soft laugh from your lips.

"He's a brat. So different from Cloaky."

"The relic acquires the owner's behavior." Stephen teased.

"It's explained then" You said, approaching Supreme and kissing him with the passion he would never get used to. Sometimes it was impossible to understand how you could love him so much when he knew how complicated he was. But you loved him and that was always very clear in the way you touched him and especially kissed him.

You broke the kiss and smiled at him, "I love you. I know I say it every day, but today it's even more important to say it."

Supreme opened his mouth to respond, but you were ripped away from him by Stephen's arms, who pulled you to his chest in a clear display of jealousy. You giggled. You loved that. Supreme knew very well. You hated it when they fought - and they fought all the time - but you loved it all the same. You loved the triple attention you received, the kisses, the caresses and vows of love you received every day.

"Now you're going to have to say that to me too, sweetheart. You know I'm a jealous man." Stephen teased and you let out small giggles.

You held his face in your hands and spoke softly. "And I thought Supreme was the most jealous of the Stephens."

"Don't underestimate me, love."

You smiled openly, "I love you, Steph. You know how much."

He smiled proudly, "Then show me, kiss me and call me what you call me when we're alone."

Supreme felt the familiar tightening in his chest that jealousy caused in him and you gave Stephen a reprimanding glare.

"Come on, sweetheart. They know."

Supreme rolled his eyes when you smiled in surrender and kissed Stephen hard.

"I love you Steph. My Stephen."

He smiled smugly, but it was cut off by your direct order. "Now get in that shower, because I love you, but you're all sweaty."

He chuckled nodding in agreement "Yes ma'am."

Supreme even tried to stop himself from laughing, but he couldn't. However, you approached him right away.

"You too, Stephen. You three are sweaty."

He smirked "Want me to get in the shower with him?"

Defender chuckled, but said nothing.

"The idea is temptingly sexy, but I think you'd better use your shower."

He agreed, but couldn't help but point out "I thought we would get straight to the best part, that you were missing us so much and couldn't wait to have us in your arms."

"I am and that was the idea, but reality often prevails over fantasy and the three of you are smelling the heat of Kathmandu."

Ouch. "Okay, I'm coming." He said surrendering. Stephen was already in the shower, the sound of the water indicating that Supreme was behind in the race to get back into your arms first.

...

You were super self-conscious about being the only naked person there and wearing those heels on top of that. The sexy image of the situation that popped into your head when you sent the text to them was long gone, but all it took was a smile from Defender to make you feel better.

"I'm still surprised by how naturally you can deal with the three of us, you know? It's almost as if you were made for us." He said pulling you into his arms.

"Almost?" You asked with a raised eyebrow, to which he smiled in surrender.

"Definitely made for us." He corrected and kissed you tenderly.

"Practice makes perfect."

"In our case, I would say that time has helped a lot. Do you remember last year?" He teased to which you grimaced.

"Don't even remind me."

He laughed softly "I'm going to take a shower too. Wait for me. Promise?"

You smiled throwing yourself onto the bed "I'll be right here. Don't be long."

You lay down on the bed, pulling Stephen's pillow close to your nose so you could bask in his scent and a victorious smile played on your lips as you realized for the thousandth time that you were about to go to bed with three Stephens. Sex was important. God, the sex was incredible, but what really enchanted you about it was the realization of being loved by Stephen. Some people are never loved, you were loved and not just once but three times and by the same man. That meant something.

Defender always talked to you about how he believed that the love you felt for each other went beyond the barriers of universes and you couldn't say how, but you were sure he was right. You loved Stephen the moment you first saw him and it was like that with Defender and Supreme and god help you, you would never say that to them, but if ten more Stephens appeared in your universe, you would have no choice but to love them too.

You were so absorbed in your own thoughts that you even noticed that Stephen had gotten out of the shower, only realizing it when his baritone voice pulled you out of your reverie.

"A penny for your thoughts." He teased and you smiled, rolling over on the bed so you could see him. He was wet from the shower, the towel tied around his waist but hanging dangerously below his v line, his hair wet and carelessly pulled back.

"God, you're a beautiful bastard."

He raised his eyebrow and a cocky smile played on his lips.

"So that's what you were thinking about? How beautiful I am?"

You rolled your eyes dramatically. "Don't be cocky. Come on, put your tongue to do something more productive than bragging."

He threw himself on the bed, crawling over you and tickling the sides of your ribs, which made you giggle.

"No, please Steph, I can't..."

"Not so bossy now, are you?" " He teased "Then tell me how you want me to use my tongue then."

You held his face in your hands. “Like this.”

You kissed him hard and he hummed adorably on your lips, but soon after he took control of the kiss and started to grind an obvious erection on your thigh.

"Look what you do to me. You haven't even touched me yet and I'm already like this. To be honest, you've made me hard since you sent me that photo. You have no idea how much I wanted to abandon what I was doing and come home to fuck you."

You smiled smugly and kissed his lips again "It worked then."

"You have no idea" He said on your lips "But I would rather have this night just for the two of us."

You pouted "Behave. You know how important it is for me to have these moments for the four of us, especially on special dates like today."

He smirked "I know you're dirty and insatiable, that's why you need three of me to handle you."

You felt your face flush, but there was no reason to deny it. "It's true, but it's only because I love you so much. That's what I was thinking actually, how I love you so much to the point of loving three versions of you."

He kissed you and went back to grinding himself on your thigh. He was trying to hold back, but you knew he was dying to have you and knowing that made you feel so powerful.

"Sometimes I think I don't deserve so much love..."

"Shhh, of course you do. You deserve that and more. And you can accuse me as much as you want of being insatiable for wanting three of you, but we both know that you like sharing me in bed."

Now it was his turn to blush and that made a petulant smile appear on your lips.

"Do not tease me." He warned, but you weren't about to go back on your words.

"Why not? What are you going to do? Fuck me senseless? Hard and rough? Thank god, that’s what I want."

He held your chin tight. "That's what you're going to get if you don't behave."

"Then I won't behave." You threatened and Stephen pulled you into his lips, but the two of you were interrupted by the creak of the door opening and Supreme's voice.

"And why won't you behave, honey?" He asked and you just smiled watching him approach. He was only dressed in sweatpants and his face was slightly flushed showing that he had shaved before coming back to you. He threw himself on the bed and opened his arms waiting for you to throw yourself into them and Stephen rolled to the other side of the bed letting you have your moment together.

You hugged him and he wrapped you in his arms kissing you hard and then looked at Stephen waiting for an answer.

"She's being a brat and I warned her there will be consequences." Stephen informed Supreme and you laughed, turning to face him, but letting yourself be enveloped and pulled closer by Supreme's arms.

"Maybe I want to be punished." You confessed and Supreme groaned, burying his face in the crook of your neck.

"What did we do to deserve a girl like you, honey?"

You let out a small laugh "I hope you mean that positively."

He giggled "Always."

Stephen laughed softly and Supreme pulled you into his lips again. You let yourself be guided, your hands touched his face and a satisfied hum escaped your lips.

"You shaved. I prefer it like this." You said with a smirk to which he chuckled.

"You live with a Stephen who has a goatee and another who has a full beard but can't handle a little stubble?

You shook your head, stroking his face. "It's not the same. I like having a clean shaved Stephen." You rum your index finger on his chin "It's smooth"

Stephen giggled and you rolled closer to him pulling him to your lips “I like the differences.”

"Yeah, we know" They both laughed softly and you took turns holding their lips and hands and that felt like heaven to you. There was no other word to explain it.

Defender arrived a minute later, his hair loose as it rarely was and wearing a pair of pajama pants that made his v line and a prominent erection very visible. You wondered if he had been hard the whole time or if seeing you in bed with Stephen and Supreme had immediately left him in that state. You knew well that Defender liked to observe. All three liked it.

"We've been waiting for you, baby. Come here." You reached out to him and sat on the bed between the Stephens to welcome him with a kiss. Your arms wrapped around his neck and he let himself be pulled on top of you, your legs opening for him to settle between them to which he moaned softly.

"She's so greedy" Stephen told Supreme "...and so fucking perfect. Fuck, sweetheart. I need you."

You smiled smugly on Defender's lips and gently pushed him to let you stand up.

"So tell me what you guys want. I confess I spent the day thinking about sucking your cocks."

"So fucking dirty." Defend hissed.

"She was never a saint, but I admit she got a lot worse with your arrival." Stephen replied with that beautiful smile on his lips.

You loved that. You loved it when they talked about you like that between them, you loved seeing them understanding each other and talking to each other as if they were a single person - which in fact they were - it was a strong turn on for you.

Supreme smiled seeming to read your mind. "I think she might start with that, don't you? I can only speak for myself, but I've been dying for a blowjob ever since I saw that text."

Stephen nodded "Yeah, me too. But I'm going to want more than a simple blowjob and she knows that."

Defender chuckled and you pouted feigning innocence.

"Are you going to let these two mean Stephens abuse me, baby?"

He cupped your face in his hands and hummed condescendingly, "More than that, baby. I'll love watching."

You could have cum with just those words. You were so wet between your legs that your thighs were sticking together and you could smell your arousal. All that teasing, the game you played was exactly what worked for you, it was what made you love having the three of them at the same time and it worked perfectly when they behaved themselves and tonight they were more than determined to behave, apparently.

"I think I saw a blush on these cheeks." Stephen teased and you stuck your tongue out at him.

"Shut up and get comfortable you three."

They laughed and got comfortable on the bed, sitting next to each other and that sight never failed to impress you. It was so pornographically glorious. You smiled to yourself and tied your hair in a bun with the same determination as a warrior preparing for a fight. You were definitely a woman on a mission.

"Come here, sweetheart, I want to be first." Stephen asked, extending his hand to you. You crawled over to him and kissed him sweetly and your hands freed him from the towel. He raised his hips enough for you to pull and throw it on the floor. He was so hard already. The tip was red and slightly sticky with precum. You couldn't resist, so you held him tight and kissed his head feeling your eyes close and a moan of satisfaction escape your lips as the other Stephens giggled.

"Don't get cock drunk yet, honey, there are two more cocks to suck." Supreme teased.

Stephen held your face, taking his cock in his hand and impatiently directing it into your mouth. "Take it, sweetheart. Give me a hard suck."

You opened your mouth big for him and did as he asked, emptying your cheeks to suck hard, which made him moan outrageously loud. "Oh yeah, sweetheart. Show me what you can do."

But he didn't give up control, on the contrary, he held the back of your head and pushed you against his dick making you swallow it whole and gag in the process.

"Look at that!" Supreme exclaimed and you couldn't see him now with your eyes closed, but you'd bet all your chips that he had his cock in his hands, jacking off as he watched. He was dirty like that, and you loved that about him.

You could barely breathe with your mouth stuffed with Stephen's cock like that, tears welled up in your eyes and ran down your face.

"She takes it so perfectly." Defender pointed out. "She was made for us, wasn’t she?"

Stephen moaned in satisfaction, taking his cock out of your throat to let you breathe.

"I could cum in your throat right now. That's how good this mouth in my cock feels, sweet girl."

You coughed and ran your hands over your face to wipe away the tears and smiled. "I love when you call me like that."

Stephen smirked, "Yeah? You love everything I do to you, sweetheart. Now come here and give me a kiss before I let you go with them."

You let yourself be pulled to his lips and kissed him hard, your fingers tangling in his hair.

"I love you." You said between his lips.

"I love you too. Go now and make me proud."

"Always" You assured, letting yourself be enveloped by Defender's arms. He kissed you hard. Harder than usual and his fingers tangled in your hair and your knees went weak.

"Seeing you with them drives me crazy, baby. I can't deny that I like this more than I should." He confessed in your ear, but loud enough for the others to hear.

"They like it too" You teased throwing a mischievous glance at the other two. "Let's give them something to watch."

Defender smirked letting you free him from his pants. He wasn't wearing any underwear and you doubted there was anything sexier than a handsome man wearing pants without underwear. You threw his pants on the floor and planted a kiss on his lips before spitting into your hand and holding him, moving up and down slowly, keeping eye contact with him the entire time.

One of the things that became increasingly clear to you as time went by was that they were different in almost every way even though they were the same person. With Defender what worked was calmness, glances, affection. He might fuck you harder eventually, but almost every time you made love it was slow, calm and delicious. And that was how he liked to be touched.

He bit his lip to hold back a moan when you bent down and gave a long lick from the base to the tip, stopping to flick your tongue on the head.

You smiled proudly. "Don't hold back, baby. Let me hear you. I like hearing how happy I'm making you." You asked, taking him in your mouth and sucking slowly, using your tongue all the time the way he liked.

He moaned louder, but still restrained. One of his hands grabbed your hair, but he didn't push. Defender never pushed. "So, so happy, baby. Shit... this lips feels so good wrapped around my cock like that."

You felt his cock throbbing in your mouth and you took it out of your mouth smiling your best smile at him. "Yeah? Your cock feels amazing pulsing in my mouth too. But I don't want you to cum yet, baby."

He shook his head "It doesn't matter, you know I have as many rounds as you want to give you."

"Shit, that sounded presumptuous even to us, but coming from him it sounds even weirder." Supreme teased, but Defender completely ignored him pulling you into his lips.

"Tell me you love me." He asked softly on your lips and you buried your face in his neck, surrendering to his charm.

"More than anything, baby. Love you so much."

Defender held your chin and kissed you softly. "Better not let Supreme hear that." He said with a provocative smile on his lips that wasn't really like him, but that made him even more handsome.

Impatient, Supreme took your hand pulling you from Defender's lap gently but insistently. "Come here, honey. I've waited too long."

You couldn't help but giggle at the serious way he said it. As if you were somehow making him suffer by waiting his turn.

You let yourself be manhandled and he positioned you straddling his lap. "Always you, isn't it, Supreme Strange?"

He smirked positioning his shaking hands to the sides of your neck and pulling you into a hungry kiss.

"You complain, but you love the way I am, honey."

You could have rolled your eyes, but you didn't want to provoke him so you didn't. "If what you want is for me to suck your cock, you should try to be less cocky."

He gave you that beautiful sideways smile of his, "But I know you want to blow me as much as I want it."

"Seriously, just for tonight, can't you be less of yourself, Supreme?" Stephen complained and although you weren't looking at him, you could almost hear his eyes rolling.

"You better get to work, honey."

You let out a small giggle and dismounted his lap, helping him get rid of the pants he was wearing and immediately took him in your hands. He was so deliciously hard for you, the tip wet with precum from being stimulated by his own hands. You licked the tip to savor the salty taste and this time you couldn't stop your eyes from rolling back, but for an entirely different reason.

"Oh fuck, honey. Put it all in your mouth, please. Suck it hard, make me cum. I don't care. You know I'm going to stay hard for you anyway."

You did exactly what he asked, adding one hand to his balls, stimulating him as much as possible, rotating the other hand at the base while sucking and licking. Taking your time and enjoying it as much as him.

"So delicious... fuck, honey, keep going just like that. Gonna fill your mouth with milk. I spent all day thinking about doing that."

You hummed contentedly and went even deeper, taking him all the way to the back of your throat and hearing the sounds of approval from the other Stephens at the same time as you felt the mattress dipping and Stephen moving in your peripherals.

"Get your pretty ass up for me, sweetheart." Stephen asked, slapping your ass cheek and you obeyed, moaning loudly when you felt his tongue lapping your folds, the friction of his goatee making you see stars. You immediately started moving your hips against his mouth and he grabbed your thighs, correctly taking the action as encouragement.

Supreme grabbed your hair with one of his hands and pushed you against his cock making you swallow him completely.

"F-Fuck... take it, honey. Take all of it. Oh shit." He moaned loudly spilling down your throat and making your eyes water. He took his cock out of your mouth allowing you to vocalize the pleasure that Stephen's fierce tongue was providing you now that he was sucking your ass.

This was new for you and you didn't understand how it could be so pleasurable, but Stephen had the gift of addicting you to new and different things and you loved it. Sex with them could never get boring.

Supreme patted your cheek and ran his hand through the hair that insisted on falling across his forehead. "That mouth of yours is otherworldly, honey. I just put my dick inside it and I cum."

You smiled, but before you could respond a moan broke through your lips when Stephen added his fingers to the sum of the stimulation, penetrating you with them.

"That's it. Moan loudly for us. Let us hear how good it feels." Supreme teased, holding your chin with one hand and making you suck his index finger.

“Delicious,” Stephen rasped. "I could spend the whole night like this."

But contrary to what he said, he pulled away enough to direct his cock at your entrance and forced it slowly. "So fucking tight. No matter how many times I fuck this pussy, it's always so tight."

You moaned loudly feeling yourself being impaled by his cock and Supreme smirked at something Defender said and walked away letting him get closer to you.

"I want your mouth a little more, baby. Please." He asked, kneeling on the bed in front of you. You placed your hands on his thighs and took him in your mouth again, sucking voraciously. It was hard to be gentle when Stephen was fucking you so hard.

Defender took your hair in his hands and let himself be carried away by the moment. "Fuck baby, so good. You suck my cock so good."

You kept your eyes open to watch him, he had his eyes fixed on Stephen fucking you and you knew that was exactly what was making his dick throb so hard in your mouth. The obscenity of it all.

"Oh God, baby. I love watching you get fucked like this. So fucking hot."

Stephen slapped your ass in agreement. "Come on, sweetheart, suck his cock and make him cum in your mouth. I want to see it." He ordered, increasing the strength of his thrusts, which became increasingly irregular.

Defender moaned loudly and you felt his thighs shaking. "Oh baby... gonna cum... oh yeah baby, can I cum in your mouth?"

You hummed positively and a part of your brain thought it was cute that he had even bothered to ask.

"F-Fuck... oh come on baby... take it..." His voice sounded broken as hot cum filled your mouth. A lot of it.

"So fucking good..." He mumbled between moans, caressing your face and taking his cock out of your mouth. "Let me see it."

You obeyed, opening your mouth so he could see his cum inside and then swallowing and sticking your tongue out at him dramatically so he could see.

"Beautiful. So fucking beautiful." He murmured, bending down to kiss you and Stephen moaned loudly, giving two harder thrusts and then spilling himself inside you.

"Oh fuck, sweetheart... You're too good to be true." He confessed breathlessly and then pulled out. His cum dripping down your abused pussy.

Your legs shook and you fell face down on the mattress, but Supreme pulled you into his arms.

"Look what you do to us. It's impossible to last when you're so irresistible."

You smiled, pulling him to your lips. "Is this a complaint?"

You heard Defender and Stephen giggling and the sound filled your heart with such great love with the realization that you were having this moment together and they weren't fighting each other, on the contrary, you could swear that at that point they were practically united against you and you didn't know if you could take it.

"And what man would be crazy to complain about having a woman like you, honey?"

You pulled him back to your lips while squeezing your thighs together. They could have had theirs, but you needed to have yours and if possible, you wanted to have it more than once.

Supreme got the message quickly and got between your legs, spreading them with his arms and holding them open while he eat you. He didn't care that Stephen had cum in you seconds before and the notion of that only made the oral even more pleasurable. Your back arched and your eyes closed immediately and a pornographic moan escaped your lips. You could cum right then if he continued, but Supreme had other plans. He licked your ass, leaving enough saliva there and directed his dick at your entrance, penetrating it slowly.

You still remembered the first time you had anal, it was with Supreme and you were so uncertain about the whole thing, but now you loved it, you loved the strange sensation and the peculiar pleasure that took over once he was inside you. . You liked it so much that you wondered if there was something wrong with you since women aren't supposed to enjoy it that much.

Supreme moaned loudly, laying on top of you slowly and giving your body time to get used to the sensation, then he grabbed your thigh and pulled it so that you intertwined your legs around his waist, allowing him to go even deeper.

"Oh Stephen... feels so good." You confessed, wrapping your arms around him. "Move, please."

He did as you asked, moving slowly at first, but gradually increasing the intensity of his thrusts until he reached a frantic rate.

"Y-Yes, oh yes, Steph, just like that, fuck me just like that..."

He took your lips in a desperate kiss, fucking you at the same rhythm incessantly, the bed creaked, the headboard hit the wall and your moans were so loud. Next thing you know, you had one of your hands between you rubbing your clit to get as much stimulation as possible and your legs were shaking and you felt like you were about to cum. No one could be more sexually fulfilled than you at that moment, but that was exactly the problem, you didn't want to finish, not yet.

"Wait... Stephen... wait. Gonna cum... don't make me cum yet."

He stopped and pulled out with a cocky smile plastered on his lips. "That good, uh? Want me to stop for a bit and let the others have fun with you now?"

You nodded biting your bottom lip. Something about the way he said it sounded so dirty.

He rolled to the side running his hand through his hair "You can barely handle one, how can you handle the three of us?" He teased and you found the strength within you to tease back "I can take it. I always do."

He chuckled in satisfaction at your response and you opened your arms allowing Defender to snuggle into them.

"Baby, I need you. Tell me you're ready for me again."

He let himself be hugged and kissed you hard. His lips moved up to your ear and he confided. "I haven’t even softened, baby."

You pulled him to your lips again, but pushed him away so you could get on top of him. He hummed contently letting you take control and direct him inside you. It was to be imagined, given the rivalry that existed between them, that Defender would not like to be in a submissive position when the other Stephens were around. In fact, it was like that at first, but now he didn't care and you were sure the others loved watching. Before Defender you weren't used to being in that position, but with him you got a taste for it and there was nothing in the world that made you feel more powerful than riding him.

His shaking hands grabbed your waist and he moaned loudly feeling you sink down onto his dick. You grabbed his face with both hands and pulled him to your lips, kissing him desperately as you began to move up and down and gyrating your hips sensually as you did so. You lolled your head back, letting yourself be carried away by the pleasure you felt and Defender took the opportunity to bury his face between your breasts. The other Stephens watched attentively and Stephen, unable not to intervene, grabbed your chin and kissed you.

You kept your pace fast and steady, your body responding to the sensations in all the right ways.

"Oh god, baby, cock feels so good inside me, make me wanna cum so hard." You confessed between moans and Defender pulled you back to his lips.

"Cum for me then, baby. Don't hold back. We've all had one, it's your turn now. You can use me to have it. Fuck me any way you want."

How sweet. He was always so sweet and wonderful all the time that it didn't surprise you that the others were a little more jealous when compared to him and to be honest, you loved it.

"Oh shit, baby. Gonna cum." You moaned loudly, riding him faster and harder, feeling the familiar knot tighten in your stomach.

You placed your hands on his shoulders and your pussy contracted tightly around him.

"Fuck baby... squeezing me so hard... gonna make me cum too."

You were so lost in your pleasure that you could barely form a complete sentence "Please... with me."

Defender moaned loudly, wrapping his arm around your waist and helping you move on top of him and your hands got lost in his hair, pulling him to your lips in one last act of passion and ecstasy until you both came together amidst moans and loudly breathing.

You both came down from your high slowly and there was a proud smile on Defender's lips. He kissed you gently and helped you dismount him.

"Come here, sweetheart." Stephen asked, sitting down and pulling you onto his lap. "Let's play a little, what do you think? Me, you and Supreme. You always feel so tight with two dicks inside you."

You bit your bottom lip feeling your cheeks flush, but you let yourself be manhandled. He positioned you on top of his dick and entered you slowly. The squelching sound it made from you being filled with cum was so obscene and so good. You moaned loudly. It didn't matter that you had just cum, you wanted more.

Stephen kissed you and moaned into the kiss. Supreme came from behind, positioning himself in the best way to make the three of you comfortable. The tip of his cock poked your ass and you closed your eyes feeling him slowly penetrate you. It was always a strange sensation, you felt too full and uncomfortable before the pleasure appeared, but it appeared and was always very strong.

"Oh yeah, honey, such a tight ass... squeezing my dick so hard."

You moved slow. Stephen held your waist and helped you slowly move up and down and Supreme carefully moved back and forth. The thing with double penetration is that it's not like it is in the movies, for all parties involved to feel pleasure you need to do it slowly, but once you learn how to do it, it's addictive.

"Oh Stephen... feels so good."

You let yourself be pulled into Supreme's lips and then back into Stephen's as they both thrust into you at a lazy, infectious pace. You loved being fought over like that, there was something devilishly sexy about taking turns between two men's lips. "So fucking good... fucking me... good."

The two laughed softly, observing that you could barely formulate a sentence at that point.

Supreme placed one hand on the headboard and the other on your shoulder and increased the strength of his thrusts and you and Stephen moaned together with the increased stimulation.

"Shit, gonna cum in your ass, honey. Its too good... too tight... I can't..."

He moaned loudly and the grip of his hand on your shoulder also tightened and you felt him cuming inside you.

"F-fuck yes..." He gasped "Oh shit." He grabbed your chin and pulled you into a hard kiss and then pulled out and threw himself on the bed.

Stephen took the opportunity to hold you around your waist and place you underneath him with your face on the mattress and your ass in the air. He quickly penetrated you again and you moaned loudly feeling the delicious sensation of being fucked from behind. But he wasn't gentle, he was too far beyond that, too lost in his own pleasure.

Thrust after thrust he fucked you, pushing your face against the mattress and moaning loudly, completely surrendered, looking for his release.

"You love this, don't you?" He teased "Tell me how much you love taking it from behind."

You moaned loudly feeling like you were close to cumming again. That was something that before the Stephens you thought was impossible, but anal orgasms were possible and were usually the most intense ones you had.

"Steph... gonna make me cum... again." You confessed, completely surrendering to him.

"Yeah? Are you going to cum with my dick in your ass? So fucking dirty. You love being a dirty girl for us, don't you? That's why you sent that text to the three of us, because you wanted to be fucked like that... like a fucking whore."

“Y-yes” You stammered feeling his teasing push you over the edge.

"Then be a good girl and cum with daddy's cock in your ass. Show the other Stephens how much you enjoy it. Come on, sweetheart, I'm right behind you. I'm going to fill this sweet ass with cum."

You moaned loudly, letting yourself be pushed towards the oblivion of everything earthly and launching yourself into ecstasy. Your legs shook beneath him, your entire body shook with the force of your orgasm.

Stephen gave three more thrusts and stopped completely, moaning and letting himself spill inside you. When he was done he brushed your hair away from your face and kissed the top of your head gently and then pulled out and rolled it to the side.

It took you a few seconds to catch your breath and finally turn around and face the ceiling with a silly smile on your lips.

"This was amazing." You praised before giving in to the giggles. "I doubt there is a woman in this world who is more sexually fulfilled than I am tonight."

The three giggled and you felt yourself being pulled into Stephen's arms. He kissed the top of your head before pulling you to his lips. "I can say the same, sweetheart. No man could be happier than we are to have you."

You wrapped your arms around him and felt the tiredness domination you.

“Tired?” Stephen teased.

You smiled lazily  “ I think I need a shower, I'm dripping cum."

The three of them burst into laughter and Defender took the lead, extending his hand to you and helping you stand up.

...

"The pasta is ready, baby, we can add it to the sauce now." Defender reported being extremely helpful. He had offered to help you finish dinner while the other Stephens were in the shower and you couldn't refuse to have that sweet domestic moment with him.

"The sauce is already boiling. Can you add the pasta for me while I stir?"

He did as you asked and came back with the parmesan cheese he had magically grated for you to use.

Without holding back, he stole a strand of pasta to try. "It's divine, love. I love the food you make, the seasoning you add... divine." He praised searching for your lips. You kissed him softly and then pulled away, handing him the platter with the roast and vegetables. "Can you take this to the table for me, baby?"

He nodded, taking the dish and walking away and you couldn't help but laugh when you realized how you both were dressed. So different from what you had planned and yet so perfect. He was shirtless, barefoot, with his hair in a bun and was only wearing pajama pants.

"What is it?" He asked confused.

"Nothing" You said "I just realized that we're going to have our romantic dinner dressed like we're having a sleepover."

He smirked "I like seeing you in my old t-shirts."

You smiled hearing the familiar chatting of the other Stephens approaching. "And I love wearing them. Now take these and come back to get the pasta."

He smiled “Yes, love.”

Reblog please! Leave a comment if you liked it. Interact! I will love to read all of your comments and opinions. It inspires me to keep writing!

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[pastel-medic]

//Really brief vent (mention of depression)

Just a small vent on some personal emotions cuz I've been feeling really stressed and maybe that's feeding into my current mental mindset rn

As I've said before tho I won't be making these kinds of posts much because I want to keep my mental health private from my art posts. I'm making this post cuz it's been on my mind for a while and causing me some doubt in myself

So I found out about a week ago that my Medicsona looks similar to someone else's oc, and I first learned about this oc through an attack on Art Fight. I assumed the artist of the oc was a bit upset about the similarities from the frowny face they put in the art, and I feel a bit awkward and don't know how to feel about it. I've recently been trying hard not to look too deep into tones in text cuz it often makes me nervous. Maybe I'm being anxious and just reading into something that isn't a big deal.

I've contemplated changing Shortcake's design a couple times but I'm so attached to how I've designed him. I don't want to change it just because I feel conflicted over this. Idk I've been having a few depressive episodes about myself as an artist lately, and I often find myself feeling unoriginal. The artist of the oc is really nice, but I can't shake the feeling that I've made them feel upset somehow. I know I shouldn't dwell on what others think but I'm a highly empathetic person and unfortunately a people pleaser. It's likely just my fluff brain being mean to me again.

Idk vent is over tho I don't want to think about this too much rn, it's more of a self-worth thing for me to heal personally on my own

[killerfrost92]

So this is an Haylor blog, but this time i want to make a post for what happened in these couple of days cuz i am comfortable enough here.

I was one of the fewest rare people to say how Taylor literally loved Joe more than he ever did.

I was one of the fewest rare people to say how Taylor wrote songs about putting him on a such high pedestal and she was the inferior one and melodramatic one who did only wrong but he never did.

I was one of the fewest rare people, no maybe the only one to say that Lover was not happy at all. That many songs were anxious and not not talking about a secure, confident love. After ending reputation with an amazing song about future, about confidence of their love... In the following you talk about fears?

And all for that i was attacked by Taylor fandom especially for the last thing: i was insulted and called little kid(i'm 31 lol) who could not understand Lover cuz i never had an healthy relationship. But there is nothing healthy having a constant fear of your partner go away, having a costant insecurity of being not as much as your partner.

But now.. i'm here blasting, laughing as hell to see these fans changed their mind and saying the same things i used to say since years after You're Losing Me and its writing date, the break up, the Tree Pain story.. I'm watching these fans who once attacked me and insulted me changed their narratives cuz they don't have their own brain to think: they are just projecting Taylor feelings in them: Taylor said she was happy with Joe: oh they are best couple ever! That's true love!!!" Taylor now wants to say that the things were off for a long time before their break up? Yes, they were on and off for these 6 years, he never wanted her to shine and blah blah blah

This fandom literally can't have personal opinions and if you have one that doesn't match with theirs, well they will make you feel bad, but don't worry cuz what goes around comes back around and at the end you will be right.

Thanks for coming for my ted walk

[xsweetcatastrophe]

You Broke Me First

Part 11

Zoe spent the next hour fielding calls and texts from everyone she knew.

Cillian, on the other hand, sat next to her enjoying a cup of tea with the newspaper opened to the crossword puzzle.

Cillian and reminded her before she started answering anyone that she couldn't break and tell them the truth; she had to keep up the facade that they were. in fact, dating.

"Well.... that might be a problem" Zoe said, wairly. "I already told my sister"

Cillian rolled his eyes and sighed.

"But that's not fair. I tell Jen everything. And she won't say anything. She has mom brain. I promise. You don't get it, she's my sister.. just trust me" Zoe said defensively.

Cillian smiled. "I get it. I have a brother and two sisters. I tell my brother everything. It's fine... but just know that if it gets out, Hannah will have YOUR head, don't drag me down with you" he said, turning back to the puzzle.

Zoe's phone rang again. Zoe groaned. It was the fourth time she called, she had to pick it up this time.

"Hi, mom" Zoe said upon asnwering.

"Please tell me why I'm seeing your name all over the internet" Zoe's mom said.

"Depends.. are you reading one of my articles?" Zoe replied hopefully.

"Zoe Jane."

"Jeez, lighten up Ma" Zoe said.

"Why do I have to find out THIS WAY you're finally dating someone? Who is this man? Where did you meet him?"

shit.

"Where did I meet him?" Zoe said loudly, hoping to catch Cillian's attention. She completely forgot what the said agreement was. Cillian mouthed the word "Party" to her.

"It was a party a couple months ago" Zoe said, very monotone. Zoe then decided to make the bad decision to put her on speaker, so Cillian could hopefully help out faster with answering questions if she needed him.

"A party?"

"Yes"

"what were you wearing? How did you do your hair? I hope you left it down, I think your hair is so pretty and I hate when you tie it in that low bun you do" Zoe's mom went off.

Cillian looked up and raised his eyebrow.

"really mom?" Zoe said, staring off into space and rolling her eyes, sighing.

"I'm just saying, I've bought you such pretty sundresses and they're just collecting dust in the closet. You have such beautiful hair and you don't take care of it. I would kill for hair like yours, you have no idea how beautiful you could be-"

"Well I guess I wasn't that ugly since i left with him, didn't I?" Zoe snapped.

Cillian's eyes went wide and his eyebrows shot up, now biting his lip to hold back a laugh.

"Zoe Jane, that's inappropriate"

"Alright Ma, what are you calling me for? to find out details to gossip to your friends about, or to actually see how i'm doing? because I have things to do. Apparently a whole lot of hair to take care of and sundresses to dust off" Zoe said, wanting to wrap up the phone call.

"Of course I'm calling to see how you're doing! You think i'm so horrible. I just wanted to see who this man was and if I was ever going to meet him"

hopefully, never. Zoe thought

"Is he coming to the party?"

shit. the phone's on speakerphone. Zoe glanced at Cillian, who was now looking at her.

"I don't know. I gotta go. I'll keep you posted. love you" Zoe said, anxious to hang up.

"Love you bunny. tell this man-"

Zoe ended the call before her mom could finish. She dropped the phone on the counter and let out a sigh.

"Good thing you have a degree, your acting sucks" Cilian mumbed.

"Listen.. my mother is... she's a force to be wreckoned with" Zoe said, taking a sip of her now cold coffee.

"Very concerned with what you're wearing" Cillian replied.

"Oh, always. Beauty might be on the inside, but beauty on the outside reels them in" Zoe said, mocking her mom.

"What party was she talking about?"

"Just some stupid birthday party" Zoe said, mind racing trying to think of something to say to change the subject. "Are you stuck on one? I'm good at crosswords" Zoe came up with, pointing to the newspaper laid out in front of him. Cillian stared at her for a second, then looked down and furrowed his eyebrows together, almost forgetting there was a newspaper there in the first place. "oh.. uh, yea. 8 Down. 'Magician's expertise'. 8 letters. Thought it was vanishing or disappear but those don't fit"

Zoe thought for a second.

"Illusion. It's illusion"

**********************************************

Over the course of the next 2 weeks, Zoe and Cillian fell into somewhat a routine that worked for them. And, if we're being honest, Zoe was starting to look forward to seeing him.

Zoe had gone back to the office, but now people whispered about her as she walked past .People knew, and they thought it was real. More people were saying good morning to her than usual, and it seemed like people were generally more chatty with her. But she could still hear the whispers behind her.

Cillian came over at least 3 times a week, days always being different except Sundays - he always came over Sundays with dinner to watch the next episode of Succession. The other days, they would just hang out at her apartment, she would cook or they would go out to eat. Zoe was getting used to the cameras when they found them, and she began to feel a lot more comfortable around Cillian. It was like she was hanging out with one of her friends, where she could completely be herself and not worry about saying the wrong thing.

She learned Cillian and her had a lot of similar interests when it came to movies and TV shows. Cillian (politely) listened to her ramble off about her love for old architecture and old cemeteries, and her dream of owning an old house with old crown moldings and old gold doorknobs - don't get her started on antique doorknobs. Cillian tried to teach her about "good" music, and made her playlists and almost had a meltdown when she listed to the playlist he made for her on shuffle. "It's in that order FOR A REASON" Cillian had said.

They haven't, however, kissed since that night outside her apartment building.

Zoe spent many nights overthinking this. okay, we kissed that one night, and I'm convinced if our phones didn't ring an interrupt us we would of kissed that day at his house the article dropped.He makes time to make me playlists and listens to me and pretends to be interested in whatever i'm talking about. maybe deep DEEEEEEP down he likes me? and then reality would hit her that this is all one big lie and she would feel horrible about herself.

It was Sunday, and Zoe just let Cillian in. He kissed her on the cheek and said hello, and walked past her. That's... new. Zoe thought.

"I got that rigatoni bolognese you like. I got penne vodka for myself but we can switch if you want," Cillian said, putting the bags of food on her end table in front of the couch. "Wine tonight?" He asked.

"No wine for me. My head already hurts. I'm just having water" Zoe said, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge and heading to the couch with napkins an forks. She'd be lying if she said she was dressed lazy but didn't spritz herself with perfume and added some blush to her cheeks before he got there.

"Aw man, really? If you want to go to sleep, I can leave the food and go-" Cillian started to say.

"what? no way! I'm fine. I just took an excedrin. I'll be good. And it's the season finale tonight, we're not missing that for anything!" Zoe said, plopping down on the couch and grabbing one of the pasta containers.

Cillian laughed and sat down next to her. "Okay good"

Zoe and Cillian opened the containers and alternated between the both of them, sharing the food. It was a comfortable routine that they fell into, and Zoe hoped he enjoyed it as much as she did.

Zoe leaned back into the couch and picked her feet up and curled them under her. Cillian leaned back as well, placing his arm on the couch behind her. That's new too... Zoe thought. Her heart started racing.

"Kendall's such a little bitch" Cillian said, sighing.

"That's what happens when you try to live up to your father's expectations I guess" Zoe said.

"If I did what my father wanted me to do, I'd be a lawyer" Cillian said, half laughing. "What about you?"

Zoe froze. Her dad will always be a sore subject.

"I AM doing what he wanted me to do, but I guess he never got to see it" Zoe said.

"He's proud." Cillian said confidently.

"How would you know that?" Zoe said. "You saw one picture of him and it was of his back"

"Why wouldn't he be? Why wouldn't anyone be?" Cillian said, calmly. "I know I'm proud of you"

"Stop" Zoe said, rolling her eyes.

"I'm serious. How you're handing all of this, how you acted during our interview, you kept it professional yet it felt like I was talking to a longtime friend. I've done a lot of interviews and yours will always stick out"

"Gee, I wonder why" Zoe shot back, hand gesturing between the two of them.

"No, not because of this. If that would of never happened I still would of remembered you" Cillian said, looking at her. "Going home with you was just a nice bonus"

"I think you're just being nice" Zoe said

"I think you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. You're an amazing girl, Zoe. and you deserve to know." Cillian said as his arm dropped from the couch to her, thumb rubbing soft circled on her shoulder.

Zoe was silent.

"Do you ever think about that night?" Cillian said, quietly.

"I would, but honestly I don't remember much" Zoe replied, just as softly.

"Me too. I remember laughing with you. Something I haven't done in a long time. I remember you hugging me, your hand rubbing my back and your face in my neck. I wished I remembered more..." Cillian said, shifting his body towards her.

Zoe weighed her options. On one hand, there was a part of her that was frozen there. Don't make a move, let him do everything. That's the part she normally listened to.

The other part, the devil on her shoulder, told her to grab him and kiss him.

Nothing was normal about this situation. Nothing at all.

Devil it is.

Zoe took a deep breath, turned her body towards him, put her hands on his face and kissed him. She could tell he was shocked, but began to kiss her back almost immediately. His hands rubbed up and down her arms, moving to her waist to pull her closer. Her arms wrapped around his neck and depened the kiss.

Okay, this is good. I should make the first move more often. Zoe thought.

The kiss began more intense, and she slowly pulled him towards her as she laid back, pulling him to lay on top of her. They finally broke the kiss, foreheads still pressed together, heavy breathing just staring at each other.

"you're so pretty Zoe" Cillian whispered, rubbing his thumb against her cheek.

Zoe could get used to 3 more months of this.

Zoe smiled and pulled him in for another kiss, only to be interrupted by the phone ringing.

They both shot a look at the phone on the table, lit up with the words SISTER flashing across the screen.

Cillian sat up, smoothing back his short hair.

"I don't have to answer..." Zoe said, still laying down, hoping he'd get the hint and resume his position.

Cillian smiled. "Answer it, it's fine" He said. He cleared his throat and started bringing the food containers into the kitchen.

Ok, that's... weird. Zoe thought.

By now, the phone stopped ringing. about 15 seconds later, a text message came up on the screen.

"Soph wanted to say goodnight. and I hoped you booked your plane ticket!!"

Jen had accompanied the text with a picture of Sophie in her pajamas.

"Hey uh, I better get going" Cillian said, putting his shoes on.

"Wait.. what? why?" Zoe said, confused. "Succession isn't even over yet"

"I know, I'm just... really tired. I'll see you this week, ok?" Cillian said, stepping towards her, as if he was about to kiss her. He stopped, hesitated, then just reached out to squeeze her arm. He opened the front door and left without another word.

Zoe stood there, in the middle of the living room, all hot and bothered and confused and angry and hurt and embarrassed. She was so sick of being walked all over like this. So tired of mixed signals, tip-toeing around, walking on egg shells with people. What happened tonight was just like what happened at the bar one of the first times her and Cillian hung out. it's like Jekyll and Hyde, and he does a 180 in an instant.

She doesn't know where it came from, but something inside of her said she had enough. All those years of getting walked over, are done. It's time she took control and let people know how she felt. She wouldn't be walked all over again. "Fuck you" she yelled at the front door, as if he was still standing there.

She turned to the TV. "You're not the only one acting like a little bitch tonight, Kendall"

tags: @lau219 @wolfieellsworld 

[suratan-zir]

Remember I shifted the responsibility to you? Y'all got me into trouble.

this is yet another post about rats, I'm sorry

About a week ago, I was feeling exceptionally anxious and overall unwell, so I did what I typically do to make things even worse. I looked through the rat ads online and found what I was looking for. In a city next to my town, a classic case of a rat in a tiny prison cell. Most likely bought for a child who got bored of it, either because it's not as cute anymore, its claws are too sharp, it smells bad or whatever the reason is. I've rescued quite a few of such unfortunate rats in the past. My most beloved rat of all times, Bambook, the little guy on my user icon, once was rescued from these conditions:

(yes, I keep the old screenshots because I'm sentimental like that)

So when I saw this post, my brain went like "this will be Bambook number two, same age, same conditions, even at the same price! I'll save him, love him and finally, after over a year of grieving, will let Bambook go"

(mind you, this rat is only 4-5 months old, very skinny and weighs 300 grams. Adult males can weight from 600 to 700 grams on average. Yet in this cage he looks big because of how small it is)

I went to that city, two teenage girls, who were looking kinda scared for some reason, handed me this tiny boy. I was asked to bring "a box or something" because "the cage is sold separately". I brought a carrier that was probably bigger than the torture devise they call a "cage".

I could barely talk to them, they started almost running away immediately after handing me the rat. Initially I didn't think much of it, I'm sort of used to people being scared of me. I'm told that I have a weird gloomy, unfriendly look on my face. But they probably wanted to get rid of him before I notice...

On the way home the rat was sweet and gentle, licking my hands and enjoying being petted. But when we got home…oh boy. I always knew that male rats can exhibit hormonal aggression, especially at the age of 6-8 months. But in the years of keeping rats, I never ever encountered such aggression towards humans. Guess I was just lucky.

At first he's cute and cuddly, calm even, then something switches inside his brain and in an instant he goes into killing mode. He attacks not only hands, he bites even knees and thighs, basically every body part he can reach. Then he calms down and demands pets again. He not only bites, but thinks I'm his bitch. After what he did to my hands and knees, they might be pregnant… The girls mentioned that he lived with another rat before they moved him to that cage. I assume it was a female and he mated with her, which made him even more hormonal.

So, everyone, meet Skritch. He went to horny jail and they stole his balls.

Also, the photo where he's stoned is the best photo I have of him, because he won't stop moving.

Skritch is smart, sweet and very friendly whenever he's not attacking me.

He was neutered only yesterday, so it is too early to judge the changes in his behavior. But he no longer bites my hand in the cage, even when we wrestle, which is a huge improvement. But unfortunately, he still didn't pass the couch test. (couch is the place where he gets most aggressive, probably because of the smells of other rats)

He attacked me only once today, the result you can see on the video, it's not nearly as bad as his bites were before. And after that, as always, he acted all innocent and affectionate and fell asleep by my side.

I already love him so much, even if he's a menace. But I am so not looking forward to introducing him to my other boys. Something tells me it's not gonna be easy.

[mbti-notes]

Anon wrote:

Hello mbti-notes and thank you for having this blog. INTP here (probably). Sorry if this post is unstructured. I'm writing this in middle of what I think of as Fe-grip (anxiety/depression) as my problem is related to that.

If you aren't certain about your type, do a proper type assessment. I won't comment on function development otherwise. At the end of your message, you ask whether your thinking is "rational". This is a concerning question since INTPs should automatically understand what it means to be rational and how to determine it.

My aux Ne is trying to remind me of lots of future worst case scenarios, to the point that I experience anxiety, depression and hopelessness.

These "future worst case scenarios" you speak of are fiction. It is your imagination, so why do you treat them as real? Are you being rational when you can't tell the difference between what happens inside your mind and external reality?

And my Si (combined with Ti) tries to find out other people's experiences (online) and facts to support them. And then my Fe makes me regretful, anxious and depressed.

I don't really understand, why should other people's experience have any bearing on you? Are you not an individual with your own path and your own life to live? Are you being rational when you conflate their experience with yours?

I have written to you before. To cut the long story short, I made wrong choices and also trusted my family in some cases in my late teens and 20s, which caused me to waste all those years and my youth with it.

What do you mean by "waste"? Aren't all of your experiences a part of you and important for making you who you are? Acceptance of your past is an important aspect of self-acceptance. Are you being rational when you seek the impossible, such as wanting only positive experiences and never any negative things in life?

Then in my late 20s, I found my path and decided to fix my life. The problem is, despite trying to improve my life (in order to find a career and also reach my other goals), I feel behind in life. I know I can't make my life as good as the wise version of my teen or YA self, or a person that starts this process in their early 20s.

What do you mean by "fell behind"? By what standards? Society's standards? What is this "wise version of my teen or YA self" you speak of? Wisdom can only come through learning from extensive life experience, so teens, by definition, aren't wise. It may sound insulting but it's a fact of brain maturation. Your perception of the past seems distorted, so your comparisons are nonsensical. Are you being rational when you adopt arbitrary beliefs about "success"?

I'm also really terrified of ageism and aging. To the point that I get a panic attack everytime I see small signs of aging in myself. I've heard people are more respected and desired from 18 to 30. I was always indifferent towards those things and didn't care about being desired by other people, but lately things have changed and I'm starting to get terrified of myself, my age, my body and my future.

People age and die; these are facts of life. Are you being rational when you spend all your energy refusing to accept the facts of life, rather than taking action to make the most of your limited time?

I can't get over my lost youth. I studied something my family wanted and even graduated, but couldn't find a career with it where I live. And I spent most of my 20s in isolation. I refused to date, refused to make friends didn't experience life much and didn't reach my goals (professional, gender-related and immigration related).

You refused to date, refused to make friends, and refused to live a full life? In other words, you are now facing the consequences of your decisions. Negative consequences exist to teach you the error of your ways, such that you can CHANGE and evolve throughout life. Are you being rational by getting angry at logical consequences, rather than learning from them, making different decisions, and getting better outcomes?

These days, I'm either numb or experiencing Fe overload (panic attack, anxiety and depression and some worse things). To the point that I'm afraid of myself. I can't trust psychiatrists as I live in a conservative place and don't know if I can explain EVERYTHING to them.

I sympathize that it's difficult for you to get professional help where you are, but this doesn't mean it's an impossibility. With the internet, you have access to people all over the world. Perhaps you need to learn how to use your imagination for good and explore more possibilities for getting the help you need. If you are deep in Si loop, it means you talk yourself out of good opportunities or convince yourself there are no good opportunities, because you don't want to risk feeling disappointed or hurt again. If that's the case, are you being rational when you'd prefer being stuck in pain to moving forward in life?

And I can't trust my family either. I have tried to find solutions online. It says you have to accept aging or hide it, but I can't do either of them. Nothing has been able to help me. I still regret losing my 20s/youth, not being able to be myself, starting late, etc. To the point that I can't be hopeful about my future. I'm also angry with my society/cntry for being conservative and irrational, for making me stay closeted, forcing me to be covered and wear things that don't define "me" in public, and not being able to deal with a person like me. Plus other issues. I'm also disappointed with my family, for being ashamed of me, forcing me to dress up and hide/change myself, not seeing my struggles and not researching. And most of them are high Si or Se users, so when they see me depressed, they either gaslight/shame me for it, or buy me food or want to take me out, which actually makes me guilty and more depressed.

I have written many times about the pointlessness of blame. It is a distraction. It is a way to deflect responsibility. It is a way to wallow in self-pity by always taking the position of the helpless victim. By your own admission, over and over again, you kept allowing yourself to be swayed by mere opinion. And now you blame all those things rather than facing up to the facts. Without being in touch with the facts, on what basis can you make good decisions? Are you being rational when you continually refuse to face facts?

Yes I know, the most logical thing here is to focus on my goals and studies. And I'm trying my best. But those fears and regrets are always on the back of my head (sometimes even worse) causing me anxiety attacks.

You seem to have a habit of constantly fighting against your feelings and emotions - has it worked for you? Or have they only gotten worse the more you resist and battle them? When a strategy doesn't work, is it rational to keep repeating it?

This is an issue of poor emotional intelligence and another example of being unwilling to face facts, in this case, the facts of your psychology. Please consult past posts about how to improve your emotional intelligence. Are you being rational when your decision-making process has been hijacked by runaway negative emotions?

I mean, my youth got wasted, and from now on, I'm probably going to experience age discrimination and ageism in many areas of life (professional, dating, clubs, etc), even if I reach my other goals and immigrate to a better place.

Do you know why you suffer fear of ageism? Because you have chosen to use age to define your worth. You have internalized the destructive ageist standards of the most shallow members of your society. You blame others for their faults, but you have chosen to be just like them, haven't you?

At some point, you have to grow up, which means making a difficult decision: Are you going to be your own person and live life as you need to, guided by your own carefully considered beliefs and values? Or are you going to keep subjecting yourself to the standards of others and constantly suffer on a roller coaster of their dis/approvals?

You can't have it both ways; you can't keep seeking the highs of validation without also experiencing the lows of invalidation. As long as you keep using this shallow system of evaluating your self-worth, you'll suffer. Pain is unavoidable in life, but suffering is a choice. Is it rational to keep choosing suffering?

My question is, 1) Am I making a rational judgement here?

I'm hard-pressed to find any rational judgment above. It is rational and healthy to feel bad about bad circumstances. You ought to seek comfort for getting through difficult times and support/assistance for changing what you can about negative situations. But it isn't healthy or rational to indulge judgmentalness, throw around blame, dwell in negativity, and/or obsess about things you don't have the power to change; these activities are an empty comfort that not only hold you back in life but keep you stuck in pain and suffering.

2) Is there a way to permanently get out of Fe grip without being later triggered by Si viewpoints?

Yes, it is through properly developing Ti and Ne. If you really don't want to correct your flawed judgment and open your mind to alternative ways of thinking and solving problems, then perhaps you do need to reconsider whether you are actually INTP.

[emmerrr]

fic tag game

thanks for the tag @kelliealtogether !

How many works do you have on ao3? 106

What’s your total ao3 word count? 677,888

What fandoms do you write for? The Raven Cycle/The Dreamer Trilogy, All For The Game

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? The Road To Nowhere / Yes, Coach / Stay / The Bones of You / You go your way, I'll go your way too -- all AFTG fics. it's funny, i feel like i'm more 'known' (for want of a better word) for trc/pynch fics and i've certainly written more of them, but almost all of my aftg fics are considerably more popular if we're going by kudos.

Do you respond to comments? i used to reply to every single one without fail but it started to make me really really anxious at a time when i was writing a multi-chapter fic, because some comments really don't warrant a reply, but i got into a mindset of 'well if i reply to one comment i have to reply to all of them' and then i realised that i don't, actually! also i'm allergic to notifications so as soon as i read them i mark them as read, which makes my brain happier but also means i'm more likely to forget to reply. i always reply if someone asks a question, and i do try to at least reply to the first chunk of comments i get on a new fic though!

What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? probably burning bright right 'til the end

What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? head over heels immediately comes to mind. also kick start my rock and rollin' heart. but tbh almost all my fics have happy endings, that's just how i roll. (also a lot of them are short oneshots that are less about narrative and more about vibes, so they don't all necessarily feel like they have endings as such!)

Do you get hate on fics? nope, i've been pretty lucky so far!

Do you write smut? i very occasionally write smut-adjacent lmao, but not really

Do you write crossovers? no, they don't really interest me

Have you ever had a fic stolen? i hope not!

Have you ever had a fic translated? yes, one. i've been asked quite a lot as well and my answer is that i'm fine with my fics being translated (with credit obviously) but only if they're being posted on ao3, i don't want them on any other site.

Have you ever co written a fic? nope 

What’s your all time favourite ship? i mean i've definitely written more pynch than anything else, but i ship a lot of things!

What’s a wip you want to finish but doubt you ever will? i don't wanna say that i'll never finish any of the fics i've started in earnest -- if i liked an idea enough that any of it all made it out of my head and onto a page then there's hope for it in the future. i'll get to them when i get to them!

What are your writing strengths? dialogue. it always comes the easiest to me. a lot of my fics start from conversations that popped into my head, then i get to write the situation to get that conversation to happen which is the tricky part!

What are your writing weaknesses? everything else! idk, world-building i guess? i don't think i'm that great at descriptions. i can do all the internal character feelings and emotions and stuff, it's just the external that i stuggle with.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? i haven't done it but i'm not like, against it?

First fandom you wrote for? technically lotr before i knew what fanfiction was, and i printed it out lmaoooo. i have no idea what happened to it i think i probably threw it away.

Favourite fic you’ve ever written? at the minute? Caught By The Light. ask me tomorrow and my answer will probably change!

not sure who's already been tagged, so if you haven't yet and you wanna do it, consider yourself tagged!

[tarnussy]

Bit of a DIY year in review from your resident Stormveil dweller here. Soon-to-be Elden Lord for the first time.

No Steam review from me with that questionable toxic relationship line everyone is getting, but here is my year in review regardless. I am only posting this for myself mainly.

I have also shown these at some point this year (with less hours), so no changes in characters, just my self-insert Tarnished and Godrick. I nearly opened this game every day with a few exceptions since I first played it in February (honorable mention to being utterly smitten with it since release, even though I couldn't play it at the time for a whole year).

My main and first gameplay is the one with over 500 hours, and yes, I still have not finished my first playthrough. I am on Elden Beast though, and I know I want to gif parts of it because I'm doing a DIY Age of Grafting with everyone essentially being dead except Godrick (plus Rannald sitting underground forever, good for her).

I also don't know what outfit to wear for the final cutscene that would make sense for the ending I'm doing, I have a lot of contenders. Plus I am in no rush, I play this game to be immersed in it, to collect my little plants and to loot the same areas over and over while taking my little grafted silly guy with me - and Godrick's summon made this game 500x better, even though it was already my favourite before that.

I have multiple playthroughs because I like to be able to access every single area and boss in case I decide to make a gifset or post, without having to spend hours to fight my way across the map to a boss I wanna gif but already fought. Therefore, Rivers of Blood my beloved, it is a gifmaker's / virtual photographer's best friend if you want to clear out an area fast for footage. Makes me sad how I feel anxious even to include it in posts bc I know how hard people tend to go off on players who use it, even if you play offline.

Other favourites are: Meteoric Ore blade, Crystal sword, Lordsworn Straight sword, St. Trina's sword, Eleonora's poleblade. None of these were tainted by gamerbros (unlike RoB and Moonveil), I went in absolutely blind when it came to weapons and I used what I genuinely liked and like to this day. My fav kind of magic is gravity magic.

One thing I am sad about is the gameplay timer, and the fact that it stops at 999 hours played. That will probably be the only thing that will stop me from continuing my very first playthrough on my main character. I must track the playtime at all times. We'll see.

Oh I guess it won't hurt if I mention that ER is my first Souls game, and it was nowhere near as hard and scary as people tend to tell that to new players. It was fine, save for late game areas. But I guess it also helped that I came to open world fantasy games from survival horror games, so getting my ass kicked was just normal. Now of course I'm so used to the keyboard settings on this game that I can't even go back to other games like TW3 at the moment because my brain just can't comprehend it. I constantly want to double jump with the horse in other games.

Yeah I could go on for hours just talking about what comes to mind, but that is enough I believe. Favourite game. Thank you Godrick for terrorizing my Souls-virgin ass with your cutscene when I had no context or idea about anything at all. Seeing your cutscene and fight made me say it out loud that I'll never play this game and that I didn't see the appeal. Biggest clown shit I've ever said in my life, look at me now 🤡 I'm running out of face paint.

[goron-king-darunia]

Annon-Guy: Hi Darunia.

How's it going?

What did you think of my game idea for DotNW?

Do you ever get scared of getting Heart Disease (the clogged artery kind)?

1, It's going pretty well. I'm still catching up on things.

2.

And if you're talking about these posts, I think it's really nifty! I do think it would be an overwhelming amount of content to get through with all the extra side content. But I appreciate how much you want to see all your faves together.

3. I generally try not to worry myself with stuff I can't control because being afraid doesn't help anything. That doesn't mean I'm not afraid. But it means that I try to act on useful concerns and ignore anxious fear.

Think of it this way: If there's something you can do, right now, to fix/help your odds at preventing heart disease, take those steps right now. Plan a healthier diet, exercise, take care of your health, visit your doctor regularly. If you're already doing the best you can and there's nothing you can change, then it doesn't help anything at all to worry about it. I know it's easier said then done. I worry about a lot of things that I can't help. You can't just decide not to have anxiety about something. But if your worrying only stresses you out because there's nothing you can do about it, it's not healthy to dwell about it. Focus on distracting yourself because worrying about something you cannot prevent or improve your odds against just makes you suffer unnecessarily. Obviously it's not an irrational thing to be afraid of. But it's pointless to let fear paralyze you into not living your life. You just have to do your best and enjoy the time you have on this earth and make the healthiest choices you're able to make. It IS scary to think about. So I don't. I do my very best to not think of it. Instead I focus on things I can change and things that bring me joy. Cooking my own meals helps me make healthier decisions and brings me joy. So I try to cook my own foods. Playing video games and hanging out with friends helps keep my mind in a good place with less anxiety.

I find that it's harder to stop irrational anxiety when I'm overly tired. If I stay up too late, my brain spirals into anxiety when I try to go to sleep. So I try to go to bed before I get too tired.

When all else fails, I do my best to find things that make me laugh. I can't be upset if I'm laughing. Sometimes it's enough to just hear a human voice so that I don't feel alone with my thoughts.

Fear exists for a reason. It keeps us alive. But there are only 2 ways to deal with it. Either you address it, confront it, let it motivate you to change things for the better, or you ignore it because it isn't helping you.

So that's what I try to do. Hopefully that was helpful?

[matenrou-fan]

Jakurai comforts you after nightmare

I love to post small things like hc but decided that I should write something larger too, I want to make more work with plot

NB reader, comfort, cuddles, fluff;; 1167 words

It's was after midnight, as you suddenly wake up almost gasping as you look around with terrified eyes. It's takes you a few moments to realise that you are not dreaming anymore, but sitting in your safe dark bedroom as your boyfriend sleep next to you, looking pretty unbothered. You sigh and lay down again, trying to be as quiet as you can. He's a doctor, after all, he need to receive his full night's sleep so he can treat people without any problems.

But it was so hard to fall asleep again. Even in your comfy bed that was pretty warm you feel so cold, you can't stop trembling as your mind return to this nightmare again and again. Despite you feel sleepy and your head hurt a little after you woke up so sudden, you heart was beating so fast, sending waves of anxiety through your body. You shrugs, trying to think about something good but it was hard. If it was a day you would just open your phone and watch tik tok for a little while, short funny videos makes you brain quickly forget about something bad, or you would just call your boyfriend, his quiet deep voice always makes you feel so much easier even in hard times.

Your boyfriend.. You turn around to face him, his pale face look even more mysterious and angelic in night, as moonlight falling on his sleeping figure.. As soon as you open your mouth to call him quietly Jakurai open his eyes, a little bit sleepy but worried.

"Is something wrong, my dear..?" - his voice was more deeper after sleep, so beautiful and shooting, you already feel much easier just to bt the thought that he's also awake and that's he's here, next to you. But you just shake your head.

"Nothing.. I just.. just can't fall asleep, can I hug you?" - you ask shyly, looking away. He probably can't see your eyes in such dark but you still was a little bit ashamed to wake up him in the middle of the night before his long work shift.

"Of course, darling, come closer.." - he smiles softly as he put his long slim arms around your body, he's so warm after sleep. You feel a wave of goosebumps running through your full body as you hug him back, as you let out a short sigh.

Jakurai embrace you slowly as you nuzzle to his chest, hearing his peaceful heartbeat makes you feel easy, and his big arms around you looks like a shelter from everything bad, as if he protect your from all nightmares.

"So.. you wants to keep your secrets or willing to tell me..?" - Jakurai chuckle softly as he pat your head. He always read you so easily, even when he can't see your face, just by the way you act, by the way you voice changes.. It's tell him much more than you think.

"H.. how you..?"

"Darling. I'm your man, after all.." - he leaning closer and kiss the top of your head gently, your soft hair tickle him a little - "I can tell if something bothers you"

You sigh, a little bit ashamed of how quickly he realise everything. Always so caring and insightful, nothing can hide from his careful gaze, especially if it's something about you. Jakurai was your boyfriend just for few months but it's feels like you already spend eternity with him, just how good he know all your needs, habits and small details.

You tell him quietly about your nightmare, even in his protective hug you still shivers a little when think about this thing again.

"You don't need to talk about this if you don't want to, it would be easier for you to just forget it.." He notice how you get anxious again and hug you a little bit tighter but you shake you head once again.

"How can I relax, knowing that you feel bad?" - Jakurai sigh and take your cheek in his hand. So incredibly soft and warm, you close your eyes as you head leaning to his arm as he caresses your skin with his fingers - "If you have something in your chest than tell me.."

"No.. it wasn't just a simple nightmare about something fantastic like monsters or anything.. It's.. uh.." you silent for a moment. It was more like your brain, even in sleep, continue to think about your real life problems, not giving you a chance to relax even in sleep from all this stress, and now you feel a urge to talk about this. But it's almost 2 a.m.. - "I will tell you tomorrow, you should relax right now.."

You finally give up, hugging him more tightly as you hide your face in his chest, start telling about all you worries. You start haltingly, a little bit ashamed, but Jakurai was listening carefully, nodding to your words and you become more confident as you open him your soul.

He keep listen to your weak scared voice as he caressing your back with his long slim hands, drawing small circles and shapes with his fingers on your pyjamas. After you tell him everything, you finally felt so much easier as you throw away that terrible nightmare with all your problems. Jakurai notice that you become more relaxed.

"How are you now? Did it make you feel better?" he chuckle when you simply nod, you head still resting on his chest as you curled up into a ball like a small kitten "Then you should fall asleep now. Tomorrow we will talk about this a little bit more, as I willing to help you with that things. But now, just close your eyes, just like that..." his soothing voice become more quite as he start lull you back to sleep "Just remember that I'm always here, with you, and I will not let this problems ruin your life and your future.. I will protect you, my darling sunshine"

You close your eyes, sighing to his chest as you try to relax, this time it was more easy, as you already start to feel more sleepy. And when he cradle you a little, humming something nice and calm you finally start to dozing off, mumbling really quite.

"Thank you.. Jakurai"

He stop for a moment when he hears you soft whisper but then smile and continue to sing quietly, as his heart skip a beat. You just so adorable, this simple little words makes him feel so special as he close his eyes too, thinking about how much he values you in his life. He can't stop thinking about how precious and innocent you are, and how much he wants you to comfort you, both in day and night, in real life and in sleep..

So he hug you tightly, feeling as his eyes becomes more heavier and he slowly fall asleep, his arms still around you as he keep you closer to himself, protecting.

"Love you, my little darling♡"

[e-n-t-r-o-p-i-c-f-r-o-g]

I saw this post early on into writing my first fic ever, and man, it changed my brain chemistry. Lowkey in a bad way.

Op I know maybe this is not the impact you may have intended. I don't blame you for it. I'm an anxious gal so I take responsibility.

That said, this post has created a little voice in the back of my head that equates kudos with my story's worth. I never really thought much about it before till this post.

Right now, my fic is probably like 1:20 kudos vs. hits. Kudos went up exponentially for a while, though as I've posted more and more chapters, it's tapered off. Now, whenever I post a new chapter, it's like 5 new kudos and 300 new hits (I'm guessing).

I think the problem with viewing the quality of a story by kudos vs. hits is that it doesn't take into account, like, multitudes of reasons as to why someone would tap out of reading a fic. It's not that the quality of the story is bad or unworthy. It could just be that the main pairing didn't get together fast enough for them, hahahah. Or they found out they don't like a certain AU, or it got too dark for them to go on. It could be literally anything.

Also, with longer stories, more hits pile up because of people continuing to follow the story with each update. Kudos can't ever match that because you can only kudos once (twice if you kudos with your account, then open up incognito and log on to ao3 as a guest and kudos again ahah).

Anyway, I know in my heart that this post doesn't really mean a whole lot. It's inconsequential to me most of the time. But still, I think about it. And if anyone else thinks about it too, and it makes you look at your own stats and frown a little, just know that it truly Does Not Matter. If you're excited about what you're writing, I have no doubt in my mind that someone else out there is equally as excited as you. All your stories are worthy of passion and praise. Remember that! ❤️

Another AO3 thing I’m curious about, how do yall decide if something is good enough to read? Usually I follow a rule of 1 kudos for every 10 hits. One because it’s easy math and two it’s yet to fail me. Thoughts? Do you just go for it and pray it’s good?

[korpsekon]

Hm? I don’t entirely know what I want from you either, to be honest. I wanted to look over your blog, and saw these posts directed towards me. I was flattered to say the least. However, I told myself that I shouldn’t trust other people so easily anymore. I engrained into my head that other people are nothing but constant disappointment, and to never let myself be vulnerable again. I do want to chat with you but I’m scared you’ll bite and everything will turn sour. Since we last spoke my brain and mental health took a large decline and I have suffered a lot as a result. I don’t know if you’ll want to talk to someone so mentally unstable; I don’t really know what you want. Do you want to chat? Be friends? Im not sure. You know my discord. -S

Sure, I want to chat. We don't have to have anything in mind. Chat is a good start, I think.

It is completely understandable where you are coming from and I'm sorry to hear you are so badly affected by how people (including my past behaviour) treated you.

I'd like to show you that I did change, and I am willing to put my all into changing even more to make you feel safe, seen and understood. I also want to promise you something. I never promise normally, because I take promises very seriously. But I will promise you this; I won't leave you like I did before, no matter what.

In exchange, I also would like something from you. I want honesty and respect. In return, i will also treat you with respect and honesty. I appreciate a lot and want to thank you that you were open to share with me right now what you are dreading, what you are anxious about. And just telling me what you have on your mind. I really appreciate the honesty and truth.

I'm sure we will do just fine, even if you are currently feeling mentally unbalanced. Me too. I am in Romania currently (direct trigger) and speaking to you gives me great anxiety because of our past. I also feel easily triggered. But, like I said, I want to show you that despite my emotions, I did change, and I am willing to learn even more. I want the opportunity to have it differently. I don't mind if you too are feeling unbalanced, can we learn together?

Also, I actually do not have your discord. I lost it since the last time we spoke there. If you want, add me : bonny1769

[mossea]

oc thingz

tw: sui cidal

i think it was just last year when i made a list of the things that portray my condition. i made that list because i planned to just show it to the expert that i would get to talk to as i might have trouble opening up when the time comes. last year, as well, i agreed with my partner to finally get an appointment next summer break, but that summer break is almost over now, yet i haven't made a single effort to get in touch with a medical professional. haha. also, listing helps me remind myself to not let others invalidate my condition and/or experiences. ^__^

anyway, i thought of doing another list—an updated one, and here it is:

counting how many times i push down the mop in its spinner to get it dry

counting how long until a pitcher gets filled with water

excessively cleaning the toilet before using it, guided by the numbers 4, 5, 7, 8, 10, 11, and 12

pouring water on myself 4, 5, 10, 11, or 12 times at the start of the bath for good luck

avoiding certain keys of a keyboard that remind me of stuff i dislike

saying the antonym of a negative word i just heard in my mind or out loud before doing or saying something to ward off negativity

waiting for the time to change so that the digits won't sum up to 13 before doing anything

thinking that i "own" the negative thought once i have done something somewhat irreversible to not feel bad

randomly smiling to combat negative thoughts

clutching my hands together for good luck

sending an emoji or anything to my partner on "lucky" times (e.g. 01:43, 04:04, 11:11, 14:14, 22:00, 23:11, etc.)

lowkey wanting to *ill myself

having murderous thoughts

oversharing on social media

being too sentimental, hoarding receipts, tickets, tissues, etc.

being over-organized and too messy both at the same time

disassociating and forgetting that things actually happened even though i am the doer

being unsure about whether i'm doing things because I WANT to do them or MY MIND IS ORDERING ME to do them

ending up being mediocre to avoid stressing over things

counting or saying something before entering another space

having *rituals* before and after charging my devices

sleeping so late (almost morning or morning) every day due to a very active and anxious brain

over-organizing my wallet, using the old bills/bills that i got first before the new ones even if they are just the same + putting new bills in my wallet first even though i’m using them right away

retrieving the trash i just threw because i think i threw it the *wrong* way (so gross tbh lol) and throwing it again *properly*

retyping words/sentences even though there are no typos because i thought of something negative while typing them

avoiding using and looking at “sad” avatars, emojis, gifs, etc.

unnecessarily organizing things alphabetically

bookmarking every post to either get its positive energy or *prevent* similar bad news

unsending and resending messages to make them *better*

having rituals before and during uploading things online

taking pictures of everything, especially food and drinks, before consuming or using them even though i won’t upload nor send them to anyone

having rituals before ending calls or leaving conversations, taking screenshots sometimes

copying and pasting every message before sending + excessively using effects (messenger)

using “complete” words instead of acronyms or abbreviations to really honor their meanings

imagining vivid positive images/having happy thoughts before accomplishing something for good luck

not using a towel after taking a bath because hanging it up to dry has a *proper* way that is exhausting

bothered by the things in my peripheral vision

☆ to be updated

[sakurashell]

Hidden Desires

Please reblog if you like it.

Content: enemies to lovers, neighbors, modern au, season 4 Eren, angst, hurt/comfort, smut, a little fluff, mutual pining, Eren is mean.

Pairing: Eren Jaeger x (fem)reader

Word count: 11.0 k

Summary: you and Eren have known each other since you were little, but you never really got along and he would always let you know just how much he despised you. What if you were both just good at hiding?

Content warnings: nsfw and dark content; verbal abuse; manipulation; toxic relationship; explicit language; smut: (spit kink; cheating; choking; dumbification; dom eren; size kink; creampie; degradation kink; praise kink; dirty talk; nipple play; mouth fucking; cunnilingus; fingering; overstimulation; orgasm denial; hair pulling; slapping.)

author's note: this is the first story I write and post here on tumblr, so I hope it is to your liking. I'm planning on posting stuff here from now on because I have a lot of ideas and I'm sure they will get appreciated here, that's why I decided to create my own blog. English is not my first language so I would appreciate if you guys could tell me when something's wrong, and also please give me your opinion on the work, it's important to me. Hope you like it <3

You were never good at making friends, let alone keeping them. You were never too smart, too beautiful, too athletic, too extroverted, quite the opposite of all these things actually, but you never paid it any mind, at least not unless he started to make you notice. You had known him all your life, your parents were friends since high school and yours were his dad's patients too now, given that he was a doctor, and a hell of a good one too.

Grisha had saved your life back when you were four and a weird pneumonia had almost killed you, you could safely say you wouldn't be here now if it wasn't for the fact that he had immediately sensed something was out of the ordinary. If he hadn't noticed right away, you would probably breathe without a lung now or be attached to a machine in a hospital, which would eventually end with your parents deciding to end your suffering.

You met Eren soon after you recovered from all of it, because his parents had forced him to come to your house and introduce himself to you, claiming that a good company was very much needed for the little boy. If there was something you two had in common, it was definitely the fact that he too wasn't good at approaching people, although it was for different reasons.

You were too scared of rejection to ask a kid to play with you or be your friend, too afraid they would make fun of you and also too introverted and anxious to even try at all. Eren on the contrary wasn't afraid at all, he just thought pretty much nobody was worth of his time, because he had always seen the world in a different lighting since he was little.

You almost feared the way Eren's brain worked, even when he was a kid he would think in a much more mature way compared to the others, and for as much as it made you curious, he didn't seem to be impressed by you either. He was always playing alone, while you watched him silently from your window hoping he would come and ask you to join him, but it never happened, not spontaneously at least. When his ball entered your open window once, he had to knock on your door and ask for it back, so your parents had used the occasion to tell you to go out and play with him.

You were six back then, and still nothing had changed two years after you had met him. You could read it on his face, the disgust, and it made you sick to your stomach but you couldn't deny the offer your parents had made, because you didn't want them to be disappointed in you. You played together for an hour maybe, before he told you you weren't good at it and you said you were sorry for it. Every day after that was spent the same way, considering that both yours and his parents were sure you enjoyed playing with each other, even if it wasn't for more than an hour.

You stopped playing with the ball at fourteen, which was the period his parents started to stop by your house for dinner every sunday, and force Eren to stay in your room while they were preparing the food. He was always quite, and you were always nervous. He was an attractive kid, and if it wasn't for his arrogant ass you knew he would have all the pretty little girls at his feet, if he didn't already. He never paid any attention to you, never complimented your hair, your dresses, your first attempts at makeup, nothing.

You thought it was because he just wasn't the type to do such things, you didn't want to admit to yourself the possibility he could actually just hate you and find you annoying, so one day you gathered some courage and just asked him.

"Why won't you ever talk to me?" you had asked, and he had scoffed in response before giving you an actual answer.

"Because you're boring, and we have nothing in common. I could never be friends with someone like you." and then you spent the rest of the night trying not to cry at the table.

You didn't understand what was wrong with you, and you didn't know why he had decided you didn't have anything in common when he never bothered to ask about the things you liked in the first place. Did he know you liked the ocean? Did he know you liked dreaming about travelling around the world in a camper? Did he know you liked rainy days more than sunny ones because you had an excuse to stay at home without people bothering you about it? Did he know you wanted to work as a hostess to have the opportunity to always be up in the sky? Did he know you knew a lot about the universe because the books that talked about it were the only ones you liked to read?

He didn't, and he didn't even care about knowing it, because you were irrelevant to him. You were sixteen when you had your first fight, because he found you looking at a book in his room without his permission and he had lost his mind.

"I'm sorry Eren, but I had the same book and I noticed the cover. I didn't want to go through your stuff." you had said, lips trembling because you were scared to hear what he would say in response.

"I don't care, keep your fucking hands to yourself. I don't even want you in my room to begin with, and if it weren't for my parents I wouldn't even talk to you." he had ripped the book away from your hands as if they were filthy.

"What did I do to you? I just thought it was cool we had something in common after all, why are you so angry?" you didn't understand his intentions, but it was pretty clear he wanted to be as far from you as he possibly could, you just couldn't accept it yet.

"I don't want you to think we share something, we don't. You're fucking annoying and the sole sight of you makes me nauseous, no wonder you don't have any friends. Now get the fuck out of my room." he wasn't even screaming, he just looked annoyed and his eyes seemed dull.

You wondered if he knew the pain he had caused you over the years, because it absolutely didn't look like it and you were trying to convince yourself he wouldn't have said those things if he was aware of the storm they would create in your mind. He had influence over you and your thoughts, and you didn't even notice it until you found yourself crying in the bathroom a month after your argument, tears streaming down your face while you tried to convince yourself you were just having a normal breakdown and not one over the words he said or the way he treated you.

Truth was, you were bothered and frustrated by it, but you would go to hell before admitting it, so you just kept going and pretended to be unfazed by everything he did or said from that moment on. So now you were eighteen, a full woman with different desires and different ambitions, and Eren was no longer a major factor in your life, or so you thought. Reality was, every time you saw him park his car and enter his house with a girl whose name still remained a secret to you, you felt absolutely horrible.

Stomach twisting and heart racing, blood pumping in your ears and you tried to tell yourself it was just because you found the sight of him absolutely terrifying and not because you were somehow jealous of the blondie keeping him company every single day. You never saw them kissing outside, but you figured it was because he didn't want you to see and know about his business.

You hated the way he had grown to be even more attractive, broad shoulders and a lean figure, accompanied by mid-length brown hair and jaded eyes that glanced at your window any time he saw your shadow, if only you knew. Honestly, the hate and the frustration you felt were reciprocated by him, and he despised how good you looked now, it made him laugh that you probably still considered yourself ugly or not worthy.

It made him laugh, yet it made him also want to yell at you for how stupid you were for wasting your potential that way and thinking so poorly of yourself, so he just left it all to your - again - awfully stupid excuse of a boyfriend or whatever he was for you. He knew he couldn't say anything to you, he had always treated you so bad and was probably the reason of a lot of your insecurities, besides you two hadn't talked in months and he didn't know anything about your life anymore.

He was aware he had been the one to tell you to let him alone, but he hated the thought of other people having some sort of power over you, of not knowing who your friends were, who you were fucking, who you were seeing. Not only that, but he wanted to have an influence over you, you couldn't just ignore him like that, it made him feel angry and irrelevant and he knew he wasn't, not for you at least, because he saw the way you still looked at him from your silly window.

He knew he looked good, and he knew you hated it because you could never admit it to yourself. He wanted to make you crumble, see your lips tremble again because of him, he wanted to mean something to you, whatever that could be. He needed to have a place in your life again, even if you didn't want him to or he had made you think otherwise, so he was going to take it.

Eren was a lot of things, stubborn and passionate being the features that stood out the most amongst the others, and he was always able to take what he wanted, he was going to do the same with you this time; so when you went out to wait for your boyfriend to arrive and pick you up - since he had promised you a dinner together considering he never had time to see you, apparently - he was waiting for you on the bench you would usually sit on.

You thought about it for a minute before sitting beside him, but you didn't want to act childish and you didn't want him to think he had the power to bother you somehow, so you sat down and whispered a shy "hi".

"Waiting for your boyfriend?" he asked, and you would see his smirk if only you wouldn't be so stubborn and turn your face to look at him.

"Yeah." there were words lingering on your lips, but you decided to keep them for yourself for the moment.

"I never see him a lot around here, does he give you enough attention?" he was talking like he was speaking to a little child, elbows resting on his knees while he kept his face up with the palm of his hand and observed you.

You tensed up, he could see it in the way you were stumping rhythmically your foot on the ground, while your hands moved up and down your thighs, rubbing against your skin, uncovered because of the little cute white skirt you were wearing. You considered lying to him, but he was in no place to ask that question to begin with, so you thought it was better to remind him that instead.

"I don't think it should concern you, it's none of your business." and he scoffed. He fucking scoffed. Did it really come so natural to him? This all 'making fun of you' thing?

"Sounds like he doesn't. Poor princess can't even get her boyfriend to treat her right? What a shame, you really didn't change after all." he spat out like nothing, words like venom entering your brain and making it stop working.

Why was it always so easy for him to find the right way to hurt you? It was as if he knew you like a book, and he just had to rip off the right pages. Or like you were his voodoo doll or some shit, and he always pocked at you with a needle where he knew would hurt the most.

"I did change. I no longer have time for your bullshit, Eren. I'm tired of this." well, if he thought you were going to run away crying your eyes out, then he was most certainly wrong. Now you were even facing him, eyes narrowed while you scanned his stupid face and he grinned.

"Tired of what? Me telling the truth and you not accepting it?" he spoke like you were stupid and he had to make sure you understood what he was saying, and it fucking bothered you.

"You're not telling the truth, you're just being an asshole because that's the only thing you're good at." you were fully angry now, talking through gritted teeth while trying not to go any further.

"Yeah? Looks like your boyfriend's not any less of an asshole than me, considering that you've been here for twenty minutes already and he hasn't shown up yet." he chuckled, shrugging his shoulders before leaning over the bench with his back.

"Maybe he's taking his time fucking someone less boring than you, and he'll come here right after just because he pities you." he turned around again, teal eyes looking at you. "Can't say I wouldn't do the same." and he smirked.

You couldn't say much this time though, he had hit all the right spots and you hated him so much for it. You had the feeling your boyfriend had been cheating on you for a while now, and his delay that day didn't help your suspicions at all. Still, Eren's words hurt for a reason much more personal than the all cheating thing, because he made it seem like it was your fault, and you already had too much on your plate to overthink again about yourself, but Eren had always been good at reminding you just how useless and worthless you were.

You didn't have much of a comeback for him this time, he had only helped your insecurities resurface and you didn't want to risk start crying right in front of him, which was probably what he looked forward to, so you swallowed your pride and got up, not saying a word to him on your way back to your house.

You heard a "Guess I was right" before opening the door and leaving him behind once you were inside, and you finally took your time to call your stupid partner and ask him where he was. He preceded you though, because as soon as you were about to click on his contact and call him, your phone lit up with a notification.

babe, I'm so sorry but I can't make it today. Busy day at work, see you tomorrow.

And you just knew it was an excuse, you knew it yet you still answered with a 'don't worry, see ya' because you were in no place to start that argument at that precise moment, when Eren had already played his twisted games on you. Still, the emotion that oppressed you more than sadness at that point was rage, pure and genuine, and you felt the need to go back to him and make him pay for all the sick things he had told you during the years.

A part of your mind tried to suppress it, and you spent a good two minutes taking deep breaths and holding your purse tight, but every time his face flashed in your mind, it made it more difficult for you to keep your cool, to the point you decided to go back to him, hoping to find him outside.

And there he was indeed, manspreading on the bench with a cigarette between his lips, relaxing under the chilly sun of April. It made you so mad, seeing how unfazed he was, it made you want to destroy that apparent peace, made you want to see him upset because of you, so you got close to him again and threw your purse beside him, before positioning yourself right in front of him.

He raised his eyes to look at you, taking his time to observe your expression and he could just tell how mad he had made you, and it made his body shiver in a pleasant excitement. He smirked at you, extinguished his cigarette with his foot and stood up, towering over you with his stupid face, hands in his pockets. Even his posture made fun of you, it was hilarious, really.

"What's wrong? The princess broke up with the prince?" he tilted his head slightly, a fake pout on his face.

"Stop calling me princess, and act like a fucking adult. You think you're all that, but you're just a cocky piece of shit who needs to put other people down to feel better about himself, am I not right?" you were the one grinning this time, and you must say, you quite enjoyed talking back to him after years of absorbing his shit.

"And even if we did break up, that would be none of your goddamn business. You spent years talking shit about me and suddenly you wanna know what happens in my life? Fuck no, go back to your blondie Jaeger." you were too busy assaulting him with your rage filled words to notice immediately what you had said, but he wasted no time.

"My blondie you said? You mean Historia?" he laughed after a second, looking at you with pity.

"You know," he started, getting closer and placing one of his long fingers under your chin "I see you every day, looking at me from your little window" he was lowering his voice dangerously now, his nose just inches apart from yours.

"I know you're obsessed with me, you've been since we were little kids." he moved his digit from your chin to the apple of your cheek, tracing it down to your neck right after. What was going on?

"I'm not obsessed with you, stop touching me." you placed your hands on his chest, trying to increase the space between you two, but your shaky breath and your high pitched voice told him otherwise. Reality was, you couldn't believe Eren was this close to you, touching your face like that while you tried hard to keep your composure under his taunting gaze.

"Then why are you always watching me, mh? And why did you even bring Historia into this if you don't know anything about us?" he had you trapped, and your mouth was beginning to feel dry because of his hand shifting from your face to your wrist, keeping it in a grip while your hands were still on his chest.

"I always see her with you, thought she was your girlfriend, that's it." there was nothing wrong with assuming he would be in a relationship with the girl who's always entering his house, right? But again, you were just confirming the fact that you did look at him from your window. Was it a crime though?

"Nu-huh, we just fuck from time to time." he shrugged his shoulders, like he had just said he was going to buy some groceries.

"Seems to me like you fuck every day." now it was just your rage talking again, but you couldn't keep quiet forever, could you? It bothered you, knowing he was in fact fucking someone else, even if you had already imagined. You felt stupid for having this constant need to feel appreciated by him even after years of him treating you like shit, but you couldn't keep your feelings in a cage forever, and you knew that.

"Why? Does it bother you princess?" he was laughing at you again, bringing his face closer to yours while keeping your hands firm in place.

Was it the way he smelled, the way his collarbone was exposed and tempting, or the way he looked at you and talked to you that made you feel so incredibly...aroused?

"Of course not, I don't care who you're fucking or how much you do it." you were sure you looked at least partially convincing, but he saw it on your face and heard it in your voice, the way you were oh so clearly lying to him.

"Don't lie to me, it's so obvious when you do it." he was testing you, a lopsided smile plastered on his face. You didn't want to confirm his thoughts and play his games tho, so you took a step back and detached your hands from his chest.

He was quick to grab both of your wrists this time, and bring them right where they were again. He laughed, because you had just proven his point and you also knew damn well you didn't mind the situation you were in, yet you hated yourself for it.

"He's not coming, is he?" he whispered in your ear, hot breath fanning over your skin and tickling it.

You gasped at the proximity, trying to find the strength to answer as he smirked at your vulnerable state, you were molding under his gaze, his voice, his hands.

"Why do you care?" You asked it because you didn't want to give him the satisfaction to know he was right yet, but you were also yearning to understand just why he was so curious with anything concerning you or your life. You were craving for a positive answer from him, even when deep inside you knew you weren't going to get it.

"No particular reason. I just think it's funny." he shrugged his shoulders and looked down at you, searching for a reaction.

"And what's so funny about it?" raising your brow, you tried to give him the same energy back, but Eren knew he was going to win the game, and you were probably aware of it too.

"It's funny how you tried to forget about me with someone like him, you could have done better." his voice was lower, hoarse and haunting you. Your whole facade almost fell down in a second at his words, but you were capable to pull yourself together immediately. After all, that's what you had done for years when it came to him and your feelings.

"Don't be so full of yourself, I could never like someone as shitty as you." you spat out, teeth gritted together as you held his gaze.

He chuckled in response at your bravery, moving his hand only to trail his knuckles over your cheek, "Oh but you do, you always have." he smiled softly, as if he was talking to a dumb little kid, "Don't think I didn't notice the way you looked at me, or how you got in that pretty red dress every time you and your parents came to have dinner at my house just because I liked the color." you opened your mouth immediately at his statement, desperately looking for something to say and deny his words, but your breath got caught up in your throat.

"I enjoyed it, you know", he moved a lock of your hair behind your ear, lowering his head a little. "seeing you getting all dressed up for me, it made me feel special." you couldn't find it in you to stop whatever he was doing, cause you were finally getting some recognition from him and it felt too good.

"I even liked your books, and the stupid bracelet you made for me, I still have it." that had been your mom's fault, forcing you to make Eren a pearl bracelet when you were fourteen because she knew you liked him and thought that was going to bring you guys closer. It didn't of course, he had taken it just because your mom was right there with you when you gave it to him, but it was also true that he had never told you anything bad about it, you just thought he had thrown it away.

"Remember that time you kissed Armin when we were seventeen? I stopped coming to your house right after." he looked more serious now, his hand was still on your shoulder while he waited for you to answer. You just nodded in response, not sure of where he was going with the conversation.

"I stopped cause I was jealous. I knew it was your first kiss, and the fact my best friend was the one giving it you fucking bothered the shit out of me, even if it was a stupid game." you didn't understand, didn't even know why he was telling you all this in the first place. Didn't he hate you?

"What are you saying? You treated me like shit, you can't be serious." brows knitted together, you were trying hard not to crumble and keep your cool, but years of rejection were coming down on you like a stone and he was telling you he actually..liked you?

"Stop messing with me Eren, I don't have time for this." you were practically begging him, although it was with different words. You were begging him to spare the last tad of dignity you had left, begging him to leave you alone and let you start over again with someone else, let you forget about him and everything he had said to you. You took a step back, then another one when he got closer again, and raised your arm to keep him distant.

"You told me I was annoying, boring, told me you didn't want to have anything in common with me." your lips were beginning to tremble, you knew what was coming next and that was why you wanted this to end quickly.

"Shit, you told me the same thing not even twenty minutes ago, remember?" you closed your hands in fists, taking a deep breath before continuing. "Said my boyfriend was fucking someone else, and that you would do the same if you were in his place." you knew damn well he remembered, but you had to be sure.

He seemed to be looking for something right to say, because he was carefully studying your face and your body language, deciding he could do a little more. "I wasn't lying, I really think he's fucking someone else." he took a step toward you, testing the waters.

"As for the last part," another step, you stayed still. "that was a lie." you couldn't move, couldn't keep your eyes off of him. "And I never found you boring, nor annoying for what matters. I was just stupid and couldn't face my feelings." he muttered, and it was like the ground beneath your feet had suddenly disappeared, leaving you to fall in the immense void underneath.

You couldn't believe what he had just said, couldn't trust him and didn't want to, because you couldn't risk him playing with your heart and tearing it apart all over again like it was fucking paper. You hated him for it, hated him for having all this power over you, while he suppressed a smile because he knew he had hit the right spot. However, Eren wasn't lying, he was seriously admitting his feelings towards you, just in a more sadistic way than most people are used to.

He liked seeing you so confuse and worked up because of him, because of his words and his voice and his look and his smell, he was aware of the fact no other guy could make you feel the way he did, especially now that he was giving you the appreciation and recognition you had always wanted from him. You felt stupid for the sense of satisfaction that was invading your body, from head to toe, mind and soul, but you also felt angry, and that's why you closed the last inch that separated you two and furiously hit his chest.

"You are a fucking piece of shit!" you screamed and he couldn't lie, you had caught him a bit off guard, but it was nothing he couldn't handle. "You knew I liked you, you fucking knew it and you treated me like I was garbage for years!" there were tears wetting your cheeks now, but you didn't notice and you wouldn't mind even if you did.

"You and your stupid ego ruined everything, you ruined me for god's sake!" he let you hit him, figured it was the right thing to do and something he deserved after the years spent degrading you. Then you stopped, grabbed the fabric of his thin shirt in your hands and leaned your head over his chest to avoid looking at him.

"I tried so hard to be good enough for you, I wanted you to like me." you were a whiny mess, crying against him yet still holding onto him. He placed his hand over your head, stroking your hair without saying anything. He had you again, wrapped around his fingers and crying for him. He didn't enjoy the fact you were hurt, but he did like knowing he still had so much power over you, and he just had to make sure you wouldn't let anyone else see you like this.

"I wanted my first kiss to be with you, wanted my first time to be with you." your voice was lower, you were basically whispering. "I hate you, I wish I never met you." you raised your head and looked at him. The mascara had stained your skin, your lip gloss was gone and your eyes were still watery, lips swollen because you had bitten them in frustration. You looked fucking beautiful.

"If you have to be with an asshole then I'll make sure it's me." he smiled mischievously, and if it wasn't for the fact you didn't believe in that kind of stuff, you would have thought you had damned yourself by falling for a demon. "No one else can treat you like this, no one else can make you cry." he brushed his thumb under your eyes, then moved it to your bottom lip.

"Forget about your stupid boyfriend, you were mine from the start." he grabbed your jaw, made sure your gaze was fixed on him while he told you who you belonged to. Your mind was spinning and you felt so dizzy you were convinced you were going to pass out sooner or later, you didn't think what was happening could be real.

You were aware of the fact he had you trapped, from the first moment you two had met, and he was aware of it too. Likewise, you knew that you would leave your boyfriend right away if it was what he wanted and if that really meant you were finally going to be with him, but how could you trust him so quickly? He had made fun of you for years, and it was probably what he was doing now, he just wanted to prove to you that erasing him from your mind and your life was just impossible.

You were being so stupid, so dumb for even taking your time and listen to him as if he was going to actually take care of you and make up for all the times he had made you feel like shit. You didn't want to give in, yet you knew a part of you already had, although you did want to put up a fight first, to not make it easier than it already was.

"I need to go back home," you tried to be calm and collected, but your lips were still trembling and Eren could see it. "'s too much, i'm sorry" you weren't sure what you were apologizing for, but he softly moved his hand away from your face and put it back in his pocket, giving you space by taking a step away.

"My parents are away for the next three days, and I'm staying in tonight," he started, voice much more gentle and sincere than before, he was damn good at this. "you know where to find me." instead of leaving you there, he watched you until you were back to the front door of your house, and you gave him a last look before entering it.

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

It had been two days since your last discussion with Eren, and you still hadn't figured out what you needed to do. You were spending time doing chores and all types of homework while trying to make some peace inside your mind, but his teal eyes kept haunting you and deep inside you knew you didn't want them to go away and leave you alone again.

On the other hand, Eren had constantly checked his phone and your window, hoping to find either a text from you or see you looking for him from the glass. But he didn't, your window was covered by the curtains inside your room and you hadn't sent him anything. He wondered if he had gotten it all wrong, if he had miscalculated something and he wasn't going to get you back as he hoped, but then his cocky attitude never failed to convince him you were going to knock on his door at some point.

Your boyfriend (or whatever he was at that point) hadn't answered to your texts since the previous morning, and you knew he was probably going to find a lame excuse for it, but you didn't care anymore. Your relationship had ended a long time ago, longer than you'd want to admit, and the situation with Eren had only confirmed it wasn't right to keep it going, so you were most definitely going to break up with him during the week, or as soon as he messaged you back.

You felt almost sick when you got up from your bed and took a look in the mirror, face bare of makeup and only a big tshirt covering your body. You wanted to see Eren so bad, wanted him to tell you again that you were his, and you were from the start. You wanted him to appreciate you, inside and out, wanted him to make you forget about everything else and fulfill your hidden desires, you wanted it so much.

That's why you suddenly got ahold of yourself, brushed your teeth and fixed your hair, put on a lacy lingerie set and finished the look with a large sweatshirt, because you didn't want him to think you had worked hard on it, even if you had. You dwelled over it for a moment before actually gathering the courage to grab your keys and walk to the other side of the road. You hoped he would be alone, and you almost decided to escape when he didn't open the door in a few minutes after you had rung the bell.

But there he was, wet hair caught in a messy half bun, usual chain hanging from his neck over his simple shirt, and he was wearing a pair of shorts under it. "Sorry, had to put something on before opening the door." he smiled at you and invited you inside. You hesitated only for a second before going in, nervously fidgeting with your fingers. Why was he so pretty?

"I thought you were gonna party tonight, it's saturday." you stated, following him to the stairs without saying nothing. You remembered the house, and you were still able to recognize the smell too, so you were aware he was taking you to his room. It was nothing serious tho, Eren was doing it spontaneously, as if you had never stopped going to him every weekend while your parents would stay together in the living room.

"Wasn't in the mood." he shrugged his shoulders and answered quickly, placing his hand on your lower back to guide you to his bed. That wasn't usual at all, and it enhanced the change in your relationship and probably gave you a good reason to think he was being honest all along, if you thought in a more naive way.

You didn't trust him, not at all, but your mind needed you to believe him, to compensate for all the years spent mulling over how you could possibly become someone he would like. The only thing you didn't know, was that he had actually been honest all along, even if his intentions didn't have the sole purpose of making you finally aware of his feelings, even if it had helped him boost his ego again and gain his higher positions in your life back.

They weren't pure intentions, that was for sure, but he wasn't lying to you, not in the slightest. You knew he could be shitty and selfish, and he had no shame in confirming it; you knew he had treated you like shit in the past, and he didn't make excuses for it except telling you the reason behind it. The only thing you lacked at the moment was the trust he needed you to have to believe the feelings he had towards you were real, even if in a twisted and sick way.

You lacked it, yet there you were, sitting on his bed while he stood in front of you, looking down at you and trying to split your mind open with his eyes just to see what you were truly thinking. "Your room's still the same." you commented, glancing at the posters of bands on his wall and the globe placed on his desk, books lining up on it and pencils neatly put in a black holder. Under the desk there still was place for his playstation, placed on a shelf with the games all tidily standing in chronological order beside it.

Eren had always been a tidy person, that was the only thing Carla couldn't argue with him about. His room was black and white, simple and neutral, and it somehow perfectly fit his persona. He still kept the book he read for his own pleasure on his nightstand, and surprisingly enough, the bracelet you had made for him months ago was right next to it, white pearls shining with the muffled light of the room.

"Yeah, and I bet yours' still messy." he had a playful smile on his lips, and his words made you chuckle. It was true, your room was a mess, and it was ironic too. You looked calm and collected from the outside, never suddenly bursting out and always keeping things to yourself, but the mess in your head was reflected by that of the room you slept in every night. Eren had his fair share of messy thoughts and perplexities, he just had a different way of copying with it, and that consisted on keeping his stuff extremely tied up because he needed to have control at least on his surroundings.

"It is." you confirmed, lowering your head to look at your thighs. How was this supposed to work if you didn't even know how to talk to him in the first place?

"I thought you weren't going to come." he was the one to bring it up, lucky you, but now you either had the chance to lie or tell him the truth. Things could get shitty both ways, so what did you really have to lose at that point?

"I wish I hadn't, but I needed to see you." you made sure he was aware of your internal conflict, you didn't want him to think it had been easy for you to choose to see him after what he had done to you.

He almost opened his mouth to tell you he was sorry, because he never really had, but he figured he would have time for that, he was convinced, and that was because he intended on keeping you by his side this time, and fix all his mistakes one by one.

"Why?" you still weren't looking at him, and the lack of eye contact made him frustrated, given that it prohibited him from observing you and your reaction to him and his words. So he lowered himself, knees still not touching the ground and legs spread open, feet holding his weight as he tilted his head to find your face.

You were at the same height now, and there was no possibility of escaping, except exiting the room of course. He lifted your chin up with his fingers once again, finally obtaining what he was looking for. You knew what was coming, knew that if you told him the actual reason you were there - without sugar coating it as you previously did - he was going to probably humiliate you til the end of your days, and you would feel so embarrassed you couldn't even go out anymore.

But you had been the one to knock on his door, you had been the one to put on a lingerie set for the occasion, and you were the one wanting more. "I...I don't know if I should believe you," you started, and you swear you would have made yourself more little if only you could. "I need you to show me." it was almost a whisper at that point, but Eren caught on your words easily.

"Show you?" he wasn't stupid, it was clear in your voice and your face what you meant by that, but he was testing the waters to make sure he wasn't just assuming things, and also gaining some satisfaction in seeing you flustered like that for him.

You were playing with your fingers while Eren kept his under your chin so you wouldn't escape his gaze, and you bit your bottom lip before continuing. "You told me to forget -," you hesitated when he moved his other hand to your knee, fingers brushing against it to ease you and make you more relaxed, but he was only making your situation worse. "- told me to forget about my boyfriend, cause I was yours from the start." you reminded him, but Eren didn't need it.

He remembered his words perfectly, however he didn't want you to stop, so he only nodded, observing the way your eyes would glance at your knee from time to time. "I want you to show me I'm yours, make me forget about him." you stated, your intentions clear as a day. His eyes changed almost immediately, teal color shifting to a darker shade, a smirk plastering on his lips.

He trailed his fingers from your knee to your thigh and you gasped, you fucking gasped just with that and he thought he was going to lose his mind. "How?" he was a little a shit, that was no surprise to you, but if he wanted to tease you like that then you were going to put on a good show for him, make him understand what he had missed during those years.

So you let him keep his hand on your thigh, while the other one moved from your face to do the same and your fingers grabbed the hem of your sweatshirt. You slowly lift to raise it a bit and uncover the lower part of your stomach, leaving your panties completely exposed to him. He took a deep breath when he noticed the lacy, black fabric protecting your most sensitive area, and it was see-through too.

You looked at him just for a moment before finally completely removing the only piece of cloth you had put on, and you thought he was going to eat you when you literally noticed his pupils dilating, tongue licking his lips as he took in every inch of your body. "So," he finally spoke, looking up at you while his fingers began to trace the waistband of your underwear. "is this all for me?" he felt his cock already growing harder just at the sight of you all pretty for him.

"Yes." you affirmed, and he had to clench his jaw to remind himself to take things slow, because he wanted to savor the moment. He grinned at you, squeezing the flesh of your thighs so hard you knew he was going to leave bruises where his fingers were, but you didn't mind. This was his sole chance of redemption, and you could bet he was not going to waste it.

He brought his lips to your left knee first, leaving a kiss there, and then did the same on the right before positioning himself right between your legs, spreading them a bit more to get comfortable. You were shaking in anticipation, breath stuck in your throat as you observed his movements, your hands gripping his sheets while you waited for him to torture you.

"'m gonna make you feel so good you won't even remember his name." he muttered against your thigh, sinking his teeth in it without hurting you. In all honesty, his only presence made you entirely forget about the guy you were supposed to be with, and you didn't care because you knew he deserved it anyway. You couldn't even bring your mind to think about him, every thought of yours was filled with Eren, and only him.

His touch was intoxicating, his breath inebriating and his voice taunting, everything about him made you lose your fucking mind and reduced you to a mold of flesh ready for him to use at his own pleasure, except Eren wasn't going to be selfish this time, not for now at least, because he wanted to give you something you had never experienced, wanted you to enjoy it so much no other guy could ever make you feel the same way.

He wanted to focus on you, so he started to gently place kisses along the skin of your thigh, moving up until he reached the core of your arousal, cunt already throbbing at the sight of him in between your legs, ready to give you what you deserved. He left a light kiss on your pubis, still covered from your panties, before bringing his hands to your shoulders and gently pushing you a little down.

"Lay down for me." he ordered, watching your back meeting his mattress as he went back to focusing on your pussy. He dragged his hands down your stomach, then trailed his fingers to your hips and gripped them, observing the goosebumps slowly forming on your skin at the intimate contact. It made him smile almost unconsciously, seeing you already so worked up for him, made him feel special.

You gasped again when his warm mouth suddenly made contact with your cunt, and he stuck his tongue out to give you a taste of what you were going to feel, let you imagine how it could be without your panties limiting him. He could feel your clit against his tongue, and started pocking at it while you began to let out the cutest little whimpers.

"Look at you, already so needy.." he observed, and his voice sounded so dangerous you almost felt like you were really being haunted by him, and maybe that's what it was. He used two fingers to move your panties to the side, taking in the amazing visual in front of his eyes, cunt glistening with juices and it was all because of him. He collected the slick with his digits, spreading your folds in the process to take a better look as your hands gripped his sheets harder.

"Eren please -," you whined, squeezing your eyes shut, trying to forget about the embarrassment that was washing over your entire body. He looked up at you, grinning at the sight and brought his fingers to your mouth, using his thumb to open it and then roughly shoving them in.

"Be a good girl and suck them for me, taste yourself." he pushed them a bit deeper inside, and didn't remove them until you had sucked them clean and only left your saliva on them. You let them out with a 'pop', daring to look him in the eyes in the process and made his dick harder because you were fucking teasing him, but you weren't going to win and you both were aware of it.

"You wished it was my cock huh?" he scoffed when you shyly nodded at him in response, and abruptly put one of the fingers that were previously in your mouth inside your cunt. You let out a moan, pretty lips parting as you closed your eyes and enjoyed the moment, while he took his time to memorize the way you were reacting and the 'o' shape your mouth formed whenever he would curl his finger inside you.

He added another one, right after bringing his tongue back in the game and starting to circle your clit with it, sucking it and spitting on it. He loved the sounds you made, loved the way your back arched and your hips bucked against his hand, you were such a needy little thing.

"I wanna play a game," he raised his head to look at you, stopping his movements entirely but leaving his fingers in you. You waited for him to finish his sentence, trying not to look too desperate while doing so. "want you to be quiet while I fuck you with my fingers and my tongue." and he curled them again, teasing you and making you squinch at the gesture, your hand immediately covering your mouth to prevent you from being loud.

"Nu-huh, hands on the bed." he ordered, shaking his head. You silently complied, while his free hand moved to your back to unclasped your bra, finally freeing your breasts. "Make a sound and you won't cum, be quiet and I'll let you." he said, pinching one of your nipple and tilting his head to the side to enjoy your reaction. He grinned when he saw the way your fingers were gripping his sheets much harder than before, your bottom lip caught in your teeth and your breath heavier.

He resumed his actions, bringing his tongue to your bud again and sucking it, while his fingers pumped in and out at a steady pace. His eyes were fixed on you, but yours were close to avoid looking at him and making it more difficult for you to keep your mouth shut. You were bucking your hips against him again, and you would lie if you told yourself that wasn't the most difficult shit you could go through.

You were doing so well, too well almost, and Eren hated seeing you succeed when your pleasure was literally in his hands, he had to show you it was impossible to keep quiet even if you tried your best, because he was just too good at what he did. So he curled his fingers again, repeatedly hitting the sweet spot neither you or your current boyfriend were able to reach, making your eyes roll to the back of your head and finally, fucking finally, a high-pitched moan left your lips and pleasantly teased every nerve in his body.

He felt you clench around him, your slick dripping down on his sheets and he laughed darkly, suddenly stopping his movements and throwing his head back for a second to gain some composure. "No Eren -," you whined, tears already pricking at your eyes. "please I'll be quiet, 'm so sorry please let me cum." you were begging him to spare you, begging him to finish what he had started and he hadn't even said anything yet.

"You're so pathetic right now, should've listened to me." he slapped your cunt and you let out another moan, while he chuckled and stood up. "'m begging you 'ren, I'll do whatever you want just please — please let me cum." your legs were spasming from the orgasm that was stuck in your lower stomach, begging to be released and he was just staring at your figure, hair scattered on his sheets and cheeks wet.

You looked so good like that, so perfect all whining and needy for him as you cried and begged him to help you out, it felt even too satisfying to be true, sent shivers down his spine and made his cock hardly throb in his pants. "Come here then." he didn't think twice before gesturing you to get up from the bed and kneel in front of him, and you didn't mind the cold of the floor or the way it was already hurting your knees, your mind was too fucked up to care.

"I'm gonna use your mouth as a fuck toy, yeah? Want you to choke on my cock." he started, stroking your hair as you looked up at him and nodded eagerly, eyes filled with lust as you patiently waited for him to give it to you. He lowered his pants together with his boxers, and you were sure you were drooling just from seeing his dick hitting his hard stomach immediately, already leaking with precum.

The veins were visible and his tip was a soft pink, length completely hard and standing proudly on its own. Your sexual life had consisted only on fucking with your boyfriend, giving head to him and occasionally a handjob, but you received back basically nothing, since you almost never came under his touch or when his dick was inside you. This time was different, maybe because of the years that built up this moment and your feelings towards the guy looking down to you, or maybe just because he was extremely good at it, and you guessed it was both.

His cock was longer, larger and overall prettier than the one you were used to, and you thought you wouldn't be able to find anything better if you didn't keep him to yourself, you hated the thought of him letting someone else have it, so you had to make your pretty mouth unforgettable to him.

You opened it and stuck your tongue out, and he was quick to tap the end of his length on it once he had grabbed the base of it, testing the waters and preparing you for what was coming next. You circled your tongue around the tip, making him groan at the gesture and grip your nape with his right hand, bringing you closer to him while you closed your lips and finally trapped his dick in your mouth. He bobbed your head up and down, each thrust going deeper until it eventually reached your throat, making you gag as tears began to slowly stream down your face again.

Your mascara was a mess and your cheeks already felt sore from how big he was, but you didn't dare to stop. Your cunt was pulsating and you could feel your juices sticking to your thighs, so you shifted your foot until your heel was making contact with the sensitive area, and you started to rub against it to create some friction and ease your suffering a little.

Eren noticed the way you rotated your hips and moaned against his dick almost immediately, grabbing your hair and pulling it until his length was out of your mouth. "You're such a little slut." he scoffed, slapping your cheek with his cock while still keeping your hair in a tight grip. You didn't stop your movements, instead grinding against your heel harder because the way he talked to you made you even more aroused.

"So desperate for my cock that you can't even wait," he continued, this time lowering his face and grabbing your jaw with his other hand, forcing you to part your lips. "but I don't mind, go on and make yourself cum like the pathetic whore you are." and he spat in your mouth, roughly and without thinking too much about it, smirking as he watched you swallow his spit immediately.

It was all so overwhelming that you were convinced it was going to be impossible for you to have an experience even close to the one you were having with Eren with another person, but it was his goal after all. He was in ecstasy too, seeing you kneeling in front of him, swallowing down his saliva, gagging on his cock and grinding against your foot because he had made you so desperate for him, it was like a vision.

He could almost believe he was just dreaming because of how unreal it all felt, finally getting to see your body and not jerk off to the idea of you as he did when he was sixteen, because you had suddenly started to wear more revealing clothes and he could see your curves so much better. He remembered locking the door of the bathroom that time you kissed Armin and he had to sleep at his place right after the event, he was angry but he couldn't help his cock from getting hard at the thought of him being the one to stuff your mouth with his tongue, and maybe groping your tits.

And there you were, but this time your mouth was stuffed with his dick and he couldn't desire anything better. He sensed your orgasm when he felt the way your hands suddenly squeezed his thigh and your cheeks hollowed around him, sucking harder as you shut your eyes and finally reached your high, whimpering against him. He pulled out the moment your lips loosened a bit around his cock because of your moans, and he was sure he could have cum just by watching your face as you sadly looked up at him, your eyes watery and confused.

He ordered you to get on the bed first, removing all his clothes completely as you laid down and took off your panties. He licked his lips at the delicious sight, pumping his dick in his fist as he observed you. Your cheeks were flushed, baby hair sticking to your sweaty forehead, lips slightly opened, almost as if they were still waiting for him to stuff your mouth again.

"I'm gonna fuck you so hard you'll be too dumb to even think," and he rubbed his tip through your folds, making you whimper. "and next time I'm gonna cum in your fucking mouth, cause I know you want a taste." he smiled darkly at you, before stretching his hand to open the drawer of his nightstand right beside him and grab a condom. He stopped when he felt your hand gripping his wrist, you were shaking your head when he turned again to look at you.

"I'm on the pill." you stated, and decided it was your time to wind him up a bit. "I want it raw, please." your puppy eyes were doing some serious shit to his mind, and he couldn't help himself when he brought your hand to your neck, fingers circling around your throat while his other hand grabbed ahold of your waist.

He teased you a little more, rubbing his dick against your clit until you were whining again because of your desperation. Then he pushed inside you quickly, his cock hitting your cervix almost immediately because of the violence of his sudden movement, balls hitting your skin as he started to pump in and out of you faster, without wasting any second of his time.

His fingers applied a sweet pressure to your neck, enough to make you dizzy but not enough to make you pass out. "You like this, don't you?" he groaned, slowing his actions to rotate his hips before starting to thrust faster again. "You like my cock filling your cunt, like feeling my hand chocking you, mh?" it was obvious you did, and his words made you only clench around him more as you didn't hold back your moans, that were becoming screams at that point.

"Yes 'ren, I like it so much, please don't ever stop — oh my god" he loved that nickname, it reminded you of every time you cried after he had been mean to you and called him 'ren before begging him to treat you better and be good to you, and now you were doing it again, but this time while he was fucking you senseless and you were crying because of the pleasure.

He kept pumping in and out, watching your tits bouncing as your body shifted on his bed under the strength of his movements, his digits leaving bruises on your waist as he fucked you. He moved his knees on the bed one by one, and then raised one of your legs and put in on his shoulder, just to have a better access to your cunt and hit a deeper spot, making you see stars. He bit and sucked the skin of your thigh, intended on leaving as many hickeys as he possibly could while never stopping his thrusts.

"You're mine, yeah? No one else can fuck you this good. Feel my cock in your tummy?" he asked, and grabbed your hand only to place it on your lower stomach where you could actually feel the bulge every time he thrust in you. You couldn't speak for the love of you, you were choking on your own saliva and your breath was caught in your throat, making it impossible for you to form a sentence.

"You're so fucked out you can't even answer?" he laughed, hitting your cheek with the palm of his hand to gain a reaction from you. He did gain one, and it was an even louder moan. "'m yours 'ren, want you to cum in me so bad." you pleaded, and he groaned at your words and the way you were looking at him. He slowed down his pace, this time fucking you harder instead of faster, repeatedly hitting your sweet spot.

"Shit, 'm gonna fill you up real nice, wanna see my cum leak from your pretty cunt." he brought his fingers to your clit, rubbing his digits against it and lowering his head to bite your tits first, then your neck and then your earlobe, while you could feel his breath fanning against your skin. "I'm cumming 'ren — aaah god, i'm cumming!" you could feel his smile against your skin as he rotated his hips, still stimulating your bud.

"Cum for me baby, cream all over my cock and show me how good you are." he whispered in your ear, and you gave up to his request right away, moaning his name while your legs began to shake as your orgasm hit you like a truck, making your brain stop working. "Good girl, just like that." he praised you while still moving inside you through your high and reaching for his own, the overstimulation leading you to snivel under him.

"Oh fuck, you take me so well beautiful, just hold out a bit more, 'kay?" he praised you again, because he noticed the way your muscles where spasming and you were biting your lip to prevent you from crying out loud. Still, you let him take his time and he couldn't be more grateful for it, because when he finally reached his orgasm and cum inside you he knew he had to have you for himself.

"Shit, look at that." he panted out, heavy breath as he pulled out of you and watched his sperm leaking from your cunt, just like he had said, and mixing with your slick. It wasn't enough for him, and he collected the juices just to push them back inside you and drag them between your folds. Once he was done he lowered his head again to kiss you, much more gently this time, and smiled at you proudly.

"You did so good." he stroked your cheek with his clean hand, and gave you a little kiss again. You were finally relaxing under his soft touch when your phone rang, screen glowing with his name on it. You anxiously tried to stand up, but Eren pushed you back on the bed again and grabbed it for you, before accepting the call and bringing it to his ear.

"Sorry dude, she's busy getting fucked right now and you kind of interrupted us." he said as if it was nothing, and even if you knew it wasn't right, you couldn't bring yourself to care about what your boyfriend - ex boyfriend - would think. "What?!" you could hear his rage through your phone, meanwhile Eren rolled his eyes and abruptly pushed his cock inside you again, making you gasp loudly at the intrusion and at the sensation that came with it.

"Heard that? That was your girlfriend finally getting what she deserves, now get off our asses and go back to your bitches, cause you and I both know you're a shitty cheater." and with that he ended the call, throwing your phone beside you on the bed and bringing his attention back to you.

He looked at you as if he was waiting for you to say something, or maybe tell him to pull his dick out. "Ex girlfriend." was the only thing that left your mouth, accompanied by the bucking of your hips against his. What you said had boosted his ego so much he was grinning at you, slowly pumping in you until his cock was fully hard again.

"I don't deserve you either, but I promise you I'll make it worth it."

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