#I'm pleasantly surprised with how they look because of how little I draw humans ...

[chemilico]

Humanization things.... :]

[xxsycamore]

𝗟𝗮𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗜𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗕𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗠𝗲𝗱𝗶𝗰𝗶𝗻𝗲 [Vincent x Reader]

↬ 💛 It's as if Vincent's smile alone is able to fight your cramps, but it seems like he has a stronger weapon up his sleeve.

Vincent van Gogh x menstruating!Reader • rating: G • tags: Menstruation; Period Cramps; mentions of Menstruation art; Fluff; Pet names • wordcount:  973 • masterlist

a/n: It's Vincent's turn! If you happen to suffer from cramps and you want your favorite ikevamp suitor comforting you in their own unique way, may I also offer: Napoleon, Comte, Mozart, Theo, Leonardo, Sebastian, Arthur (NSFW) 💕(All fics in this series share the same opening scene!)

It’s another beautiful day at the mansion, and the sun is continuing to shine brightly outside as afternoon settles in. Your list of chores is more than half-way done now, the morning was a productive one and you pat yourself on the back for pushing through at your usual pace, even if your period surprised you early this morning. Sleeves rolled up and armed with a feather duster, you march towards the lounge room to take care of another chore.

Specks of dust dance in the afternoon sun, windows wide open, as you complete your task little by little. Soon the sections left to dust decrease and you start to tire - a minor pain in your tummy appearing as well, as if to persuade you into taking a short break. You throw a look to the grandfather clock. You’ve been a busy bee; not even the distraction of dusting off some of Comte’s highly intriguing antiques couldn’t get you late on your own schedule.

You sit down at the spacious couch area, grab a throw pillow to hug, and fall on your side - shoe-covered feet juust hanging off the couch because it won’t be worth the effort of taking them off for just a minute or two of rest.

Uh-oh! The pain doesn’t go away and only gets worse instead. Suddenly moving as much as a millimeter equals signing a death warrant.

“Help” You whisper to yourself, clutching onto the throw pillow.

***

Did the room just get brighter or- no, that's just your boyfriend Vincent entering. The beam of light that is his smile upon finding you here is cutting through the dark clouds of despair lingering over your head... but he still seems to notice them.

"Are you alright, schatje? I don't see you laying around here often..."

You let out a meek noise signaling he's indeed right to worry, as much as you don't want this to be the case... Rising to a seated position while still hugging the pillow, you follow Vincent's baby blue eyes as he takes a seat next to you, and finally mutter the words.

"My tummy hurts."

Vincent's eyes widen further. "Oh no! What can I do for you? Do you have more of those pills from your time in your bag?"

"I don't think so... Can you just stay here with me for a while?"

Vincent takes one of your hands to caress, giving you his best smile and a nod even though you can tell he's still worried. Relaxing back in the soft cushions together with him, you find it cute how his soft sigh comes only after yours. His care is always so gentle and thorough, and you can always feel it.

Melting into his caress as he draws figures on your palm, you suddenly think of something and giggle.

"What's it, schatje?"

"I just remembered, did you know that in my time menstrual art was a thing? Like artists using menstrual blood for their paintings?"

You catch your bottom lip between your teeth as soon as the question leaves your mouth, not quite sure if you should've said it after all. You know your Vincent but even so, it's a ...peculiar thing to talk about.

"Really? That's so intriguing, what a unique and bold way to represent one's struggles... I'm happy to know that the social stigma about it is no more. It never stood right with me, it's part of being...human."

You don't have the heart to tell him that this is far from the end of the stigma surrounding periods, but you're pleasantly surprised by his reaction. When you first started dating, you'd notice him getting red about any and all...adult topics, as well as the aspect of relationships as a whole, so you're glad to know you're not making him feel awkward with this. It must come from a place of understanding the human self, as you know his past of trying to learn about it for his paintings.

You mentioned menstrual art almost out of boredom, like a fun fact you randomly remembered, but somehow now you're thinking about him, about the struggles of his own that he'd once put on paper, about how much deeper he is beyond the surface. He'd get those surprised faces when he presents the meaning behind one of his paintings, like they'd never expect such depth coming from the shallow personality of Vincent who seems to always keep a default tiny smile on his face. The passion hidden beneath is only unraveled to those closest to him and... you're glad to be where you are, resting your head on his shoulder right now.

Vincent lets out one of those small chuckles that make flowers bloom in your chest.

"Just as I ran out of red blood."

Blink.

You raise your head from Vincent's shoulder to look at him. He smiles at you, tilting his head, but you can see something bubbling underneath the surface, as if he's holding in his laughter.

You give in first so he naturally follows, reassuring with words too as an extra measure.

"I'm joking, sorry. The others said I should joke more often... something about being able to keep a straight face."

"They're right!" You say between fits of chuckles that continue to come when you imagine this conversation taking place. "Not because of the straight face, you're genuinely funny."

"Hehe, I don't get that often. Thank you."

You return the soft smile Vincent gives you, and you're being nudged into resting your head down once again. It's then that you notice.

"I think my tummy doesn't ache as much anymore!"

Vincent's gasp is barely audible, but this close up you catch it just fine. Or maybe you're sensitive about his reactions like that.

"That's good to hear. After all, laughter is the best medicine."

Taglist: @arsnovacadenza @ale-teodora @kimi00twin @otomelady @privilegedpancake @g-kleran    @thesirenwashere @ravenarld @kimmy-banana @devonares @galaxyprison @sadshaxk @starshards26 @thewitchofbooks @acethephoenix256 @ikevamp-shrine-2 @nad-zeta @crystal13unny @lordsister @ikemen-banshou   @themysticalbeing @otome-scribbles @rhodolitesrose @coornn @kpop-and-otome @queen-dahlia @kisara-16 @chaosangel767 @ikemenlibrary @queengiuliettafirstlady @aurora-morning ​ @ikemenlover24 @mcofthemansion @joy-the-reader @katriniac @ikemen-writer @tele86 @lovely-bubb1es @aria-chikage @babyblue0t7 @rhodoliteschaos @shrimpy-kitsune @nightghoul381 @xbalayage @lucyw260 @kittygrimm88 @lokis-laugh @judejazza Let me know if you want to be tagged/untagged!

[sugarwithsarcasm]

Darius and Hunter spend time at an amusement park, and its all fun and games until Hunter expects Darius to just drink this nasty looking drink, just because he asked him to? What, he thought he was going soft for him? He still had his dignity intact, he was not going to drink what looked like vomit in a cup. (He totally drank it)

---

“Hunter, I thought you told me that you were going to get us some tea.” Darius shook his head at exasperation, glaring at the two bright green slush in identical plastic cups. “ This isn’t tea.” 

Hunter gave Darius a toothy, mischievous grin that had Darius regretting having ever trusted Hunter to get them both something to drink while he held both of their spots in line at some corny roller coaster he hadn’t bothered to remember the name of. “But it is!” He smirked, not noticing the only semi-playful glare Darius was trying his best to give him (it was hard to be mad at the kid, okay?). “According to the cashier, it's a human specialty! Apparently it's all the rage with human kids my age.” He smirked, leaning against the gray railings. 

“Yes well, in case you haven’t noticed, we are both not human teenagers. Titan, I’m not even either of them.” Darius sighed. He was probably being dramatic but in his defense he was really looking forward to some Seawater extract tea. 

“Aw ‘come on! We need to get in the spirit, we’re human today! Everyone here is!” Darius rolled his eyes, a small smile betraying his face. He had taken Hunter to a new Human themed amusement park and although he had initially been worried that Hunter would be a bit too old to enjoy going on rides with Darius for the day, he was pleasantly surprised by how happy Hunter seemed to be, beaming and quickly obsessing over the atmosphere of the park. 

“Yes, I must admit that attitude is fun to an extent, but tea is where I draw the line, the human world is filled with absolute tea filth.” Hunter pouted, his hands clutching on to the two cups. 

“Aw come on Darius, don’t be so stubborn! I bet you’ll like it if you give it a shot. It’s tea, kind of hard to screw up.” Hunter tried shoving a cup into Darius’s arms, who simply crossed them, refusing to look at the mucus colored goop. 

“It’s not tea, it's a milkshake.” He swatted the cup as they began to move forward, “an ugly one too.” 

Hunter stomped behind Darius, still holding onto his two cups. “It is not a milkshake, it's a blended ice tea. A Green Tea Frappuccino with Oat Milk to be specific.” Hunter smiled smugly, Darius almost smiled at how proud he seemed to be with himself. Almost. 

“Oat milk? What strange sorcery exists that allows for oats to be milked?” Darius raised an eyebrow at Hunter who merely sighed and shook his head. “Just drink both, little prince.”

“Noooo,” Hunter whined as they climbed halfway up the stairs following the line and ignoring the strange demonic sounds coming from the strange, mythical human creatures such as a panda and a giraffe. “I wanted us to try something together! You know, adventure together!” 

Darius looks over at Hunter, who is staring down at his tattered shoelaces biting his lip. His expression softened, bending down to reach eye level with Hunter who looked at him with a confused expression. “Fine then little prince, if you wish to go on an adventure, then I will follow eagerly.” 

He relished in the way Hunter’s eyes lit up with excitement. “Really?” He broke out in a wide grin – it saddened Darius when he later realized it was the happiest he had ever seen the poor boy – and jumped up and down. “Oh this is going to be so cool!” 

Darius chuckled as he watched Hunter carefully inspect each cup. “Well? Don’t make me wait too long, I’m becoming more and more convinced against this idea each second that follows.” 

“Hold up, I'm checking which one has more.” Hunter smiled, squinting at both of the cups. 

“Oh give me that,” Darius grabbed a cup out of his hand, playfully shoving him in the process. 

Hunter snickered, “you seem awfully eager.” Darius rolled his eyes, and with a smile, brought the straw to his lips. “Wait!” Hunter poked his arm, “Let’s take a photo of us drinking it for the first time together!” He leaned his scroll against the railing on the floor. Just as he was about to scold Hunter for setting his dirty scroll on the dirty floor, he looked over and saw Hunter beam, yelling out, “Chug it Darius!” 

They both took a sip on cue together, an eager slurping noise coming from Hunter. Darius tensed, expecting a bitter flavor but was surprised by the sweetness of the tea? If he was being honest, although he did enjoy it, it tasted much more like a milkshake than an actual tea. He decided against bringing this up as he saw Hunter’s excited expression, his cup already a quarter of the way down. 

“Take it easy little prince, I don’t want you getting sick on me. This cape is new, if you vomit all over it don’t think I am above making you pay for it to be cleaned.” Darius said, lightly laughing. 

“ISN’T IT SO GOOD DARIUS?????” Hunter chirped, slightly louder than what was socially acceptable. 

“Yes, yes it us little prince, I should’ve never doubted you.” He smiled at him, the two of them walking to a cupboard where they were instructed to set their bags (and drinks, much to the annoyance of Hunter) before getting on the ride. Just as he was about to follow Hunter to their seat, he received a notification from Hunter’s Penstagram account. There he was, a small smile on his face sipping on the icy drink with Hunter who was slurping it excitedly. Captioned underneath the photo read, “Adventurous eats with my dad!!” 

Darius was absolutely beaming on that stupid photo they took of them on the stupid roller coaster, making sure to frame that photo on the wall, making it the first of many family photos. 

[spectralsleuth]

For commentaries 👀:

“Oh yeah? You left class real fast for someone who just wanted some fresh air. You even lost that girl that’s obsessed with you.”

"I WISH TO JOIN AS WELL!”

Sprinting at a dead run, book back bouncing off of her shoulders and dark hair streaming behind her, was a girl Raph vaguely recognized from fourth period. She was faintly out of breath, wearing an oversized black death metal band T-shirt of some kind, paneled black leggings that looked sweaty as all hell in this heat, and big chunky combat boots that looked like they got more wear and tear than they would if they were just for show.

"Yeah, she’s definitely mentioned you a few times- we take the same bus home.”

"...Rose just doesn’t like people she doesn’t think are going to take it seriously, and Sandy is a pretty well known flake.”

She stared at him a long time, and at a very pointed cough from Coach Garcia, she rolled her eyes and took his hand to shake. Her hand disappeared into his.

“Fine. But, my name is Cassandra. You can call me Casey.”

--Or honestly anything you want to say about Casey in this au,,I love her sm :D

[OH MAN I'm gonna tip toe around this one so I don't give away the story. Not because I don't want to spoil you guys (I don't) but because if I do I might not write it lol.]

“Oh yeah? You left class real fast for someone who just wanted some fresh air. You even lost that girl that’s obsessed with you.”

[I kind of portrayed Raph (or at least I hope I did) as that kid who EVERYBODY knows in a good way, who get like, "Hey Raph's!" all day when he goes down the hallway and answers them without thinking, teachers always dote on him even if he's not the best at school work, parents are pleasantly surprised at how polite he is-

And this man does not notice.

His brothers do of course, and think it's very funny, but Raph CANNOT read situations or people. So imagine Raph in class with Casey sat behind him, eyes burning into his soul through the back of his head, and he turns around and asks for a pencil. They've been seat neighbors all last school year and this year and Raph doesn't remember her name or face, but MIKEY sure does. He's got spies EVERYWHERE.]

"I WISH TO JOIN AS WELL!”

Sprinting at a dead run, book back bouncing off of her shoulders and dark hair streaming behind her, was a girl Raph vaguely recognized from fourth period. She was faintly out of breath, wearing an oversized black death metal band T-shirt of some kind, paneled black leggings that looked sweaty as all hell in this heat, and big chunky combat boots that looked like they got more wear and tear than they would if they were just for show.

[I think @tangledinink is starting to effect my fashion sense for characters bc he draws the turtles in such cute little outfits. ;-; Chunky boots... piercings...

Whenever I write- well, anything, I always make note of what everyone's wearing? I probably put too much thought into whether I'm going into too much detail of what someone's wearing, vs. adding relevant flavor. When it comes to Yoshi it's easy, because his outfits (when he was human) were super flamboyant and flashy so I imagine that carries into his old age, and it adds to the character. When it comes to everyone else, I try to make it a passing comment and hope I don't come across as 'My name is Ebony Dementia Darkness Way and I'm 15 years old-' levels of description writing.

ALSO coming up with outfits is haaaard someone come do it for me. ;-; ]

"Yeah, she’s definitely mentioned you a few times- we take the same bus home.”

"...Rose just doesn’t like people she doesn’t think are going to take it seriously, and Sandy is a pretty well known flake.”

[Imagine Casey Jones trying super casually and nonchalantly to grill people about the Hamato's, and doing a terrible job of it.

Blair: Wow she's down bad. Imma help my bro out-

So Casey has a lot of info about Raph's star sign, hobbies, and food allergies, but nothing that she was probably looking for. It's very confusing for her. EVERYONE (except for Raph) is aware of Casey. Casey in the show just did not strike me as a subtle person, even though she IS a ninja.]

She stared at him a long time, and at a very pointed cough from Coach Garcia, she rolled her eyes and took his hand to shake. Her hand disappeared into his.

“Fine. But, my name is Cassandra. You can call me Casey.”

[Raph is going to ask a lot of polite questions and introduce himself and be super lame, and Casey is going to feverishly try and pretend she hasn't been stalking their family. (Mostly Raph though.) Mikey will benevolently watch, like he's making sure two dogs sniff each other through the door and get along correctly. He'll only intervene to make sure Raph gets her phone number before they leave.

Cassandra will think she nailed it.

Mikey is of the opinion whether she has a crush on Raph or just wants to be a friend, her and Raph will probably get along so he's in full support of this.

What DONNIE AND LEO are aware of though is a whole other story.)

[rookie-critic]

City of Angels (1998, dir. Brad Silberling) - review by Rookie-Critic

The third stop on my Nicolas Cage weekly movie nights was an odd choice. After two absolutely unhinged films like Con Air and Face/Off, why would my friends' next choice be a rom-com between Cage and Meg Ryan that happens to be a remake of a beloved 80s film by auteur Wim Wenders? The answer was simple: The song "Iris" by The Goo Goo Dolls was written for this movie, and that was intriguing enough to give it a slot, and honestly I'm the kind of person who wants to devour an actor's entire filmography, especially for an actor like Nicolas Cage, so I didn't mind at all. I didn't have super high expectations going into this one, I'd never even heard of it before and, looking at the reviews, they didn't seem too favorable. However, I was pleasantly surprised by how well written, well acted, and just generally well made this was.

Cage and Ryan both give absolutely stellar performances, with Cage actually managing to draw a tear out of me with a line delivered towards the end of the film. Special shout out should also go to Dennis Franz, who is unforgettable as Nathaniel Messinger in the film. While the story may seem a tad ridiculous on the surface; an angel wants to become mortal after falling in love with a human woman, the film does a very good job of bringing that frankly wacky premise down to Earth and making it believable within the rules the movie sets up for itself. I know I've already mentioned that Cage gives a stellar performance in this, but I don't think I've really sold it enough, so I'm going to keep talking about it. This isn't Cage unhinged, this is Cage subdued. It's such a straight-laced, non-bombastic performance that I'm not sure I've ever seen out of him before. Even taking Pig into account, which by all metrics is a more subdued performance from his average outing, still has aspects to it that are wacky, and only one scene in this entire film sees Cage approaching his normal levels of insanity, but even then it fits within the confines of the character. I know that a lot of the charm surrounding Nicolas Cage is his crazed, frantic acting, but when I see him in films like this, like Pig, it makes me a little sad, because I know that he's more than capable of giving a truly incredible performance. One that's memorable for how good his acting is as opposed to how bizarre and bonkers it is, which, again, has its own charm and appeal. I don't necessarily want Cage's reputation as a wildman actor to go away, I don't want his legacy to consider how genuinely talented he is, as well.

While I don't understand the Tomatometer's 57% for this film (inversely to how I don't quite understand Face/Off's 92%), there are aspects of it that don't work for me. For one, while the dialogue is amazing, Ryan and Cage have absolutely no chemistry. Cage is definitely not the rom-com scene partner that Tom Hanks is to Ryan, and it shows. It really is their chemistry because, as I stated earlier, their performances are both stellar, but I just got nothing in the romance department out of them. Another lackluster piece of this puzzle is that it does lean over into overly sappy territory more than once, for sure. A lot of the music cues, while the songs themselves are good, were almost too much. One in particular, when Sarah McLachlan's "Angel" plays during a pivotal romance scene, was actually too much. This very possibly could be because of that song's connection to the ASPCA commercials from the mid-2000s, and if that is that case I can't really hold that against the film, but the on-the-nose nature of the song's titular line and the style of music it is was more of a hindrance than a help, as was the case for the scene where "Iris" plays.

One last thing I'll say in the con category is with a specific scene in the film in which we are shown flashes of black-and-white clips that don't really seem pertinent as well as black-and-white versions of things that had happened earlier in the movie. From what I understand, the black-and-white aspect of this is in reference to original Wim Wenders film, Wings of Desire, in which it is a major plot point that angels can't see color, which is all well and good except for the fact that this had never been established in City of Angels up to that point, which makes it very jarring and confusing as to why that was been presented that way. It also still doesn't answer what those other, unrelated clips were. The closest thing I think for them to be are shots from Wings of Desire that were placed there as a way to homage the original film, but I have no idea if that's true or not, and it still wouldn't make sense as to how they relate to Seth in this film. Regardless, City of Angels was great. It's one of the better genuinely fantastic performances I've seen out of Cage, the writing was awesome despite its leads' lack of chemistry, and most importantly, I had a fun time watching this with friends. What more can you ask for?

Score: 8/10

Currently available for rent/purchase on digital (iTunes, Amazon, Vudu, etc.) and on DVD & Blu-ray through Warner Bros./Regency.

[thesoftboiledegg]

Dinnertime for the Rick stans. Yummy yum. I love fanservice, yummy yum yum.

Another great episode for season six. This has really been Rick's season so far, huh? Season five leaned that way (he even got an entire episode to himself, which was unheard of at the time), but season six is just like "Yeah, Rick stans, we're just going to give you what you want."

I suspected that this episode wouldn't have a B-plot because I'm not sure how much excitement the writers could wring out of the Smiths going to the zoo, lol. I think that would've detracted from the main plot. Also, it's nice to have a "straightforward" episode once in a while instead of one that bounces back and forth between different characters. This episode makes the most out of twenty minutes.

Still, I hope the next episode focuses on Rick and Morty because this season is in dire need of their dynamic. When I watched the end credits scene, I thought "Finally, Morty has something to do." He and Rick are great characters on their own, but the show doesn't click without both of them.

But yeah, the crew knew exactly what they were doing with that suit, lol. I half-expected it to be a thirty-second gag and was pleasantly surprised when he wore it for most of the episode (lmao why do I care so much? I'm a lesbian. But he looks so cute in it!) It's to the point that his suit jacket magically reappeared in the next scene after he dropped it on the floor during the fight. (Well, I guess he could have picked it up.)

Honestly, I also raised an eyebrow at the fight scene. One second in particular gave me "Look at how his lithe body twists 😏" vibes, especially with the angle. Also, how tall was that bodyguard? He was taller than Rick!

Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but eh...I don't think I am. I get the impression that Rick fuckers have entered the writers' room.

Anyway, I was hoping we'd get to see how Rick and Jerry's dynamic has changed after Rick said in Bethic Twinstinct that he got drunk with Jerry one night, gave him the "pillbug protocol" that he wanted and got matching tattoos. This episode was the perfect follow-up.

It was surreal to watch Rick being nice to Jerry. He wasn't even THAT cold and distant with him. Did Rick even really have a reason to help him? He could've let Jerry just have sex with his mom and then mocked him for the rest of his life. Seasons 1-4 Rick would've cracked his shit up at that.

Once, Rick berated and humiliated Jerry at every turn. Now, he carries him through the air duct with a tentacle even though Jerry literally could have just climbed the ladder behind him. He sighs and rolls his eyes sometimes but helps Jerry throughout the episode without pitching a fit. No "Oh my God, Jerry, I'm only saving your stupid ass because my daughter inexplicably likes you!"

This COULD be out of character, but I don't think it was. It's another demonstration of how much Rick's growing and changing. The episode even explained the "human shield" gag from the trailer, which I assumed was the usual joke about how Rick hates Jerry so much that he's willing to let him die. He just did that because Jerry was immortal at the time.

And of course, just like Solaricks, Rick tries to put on his mask again at the end and act that he doesn't care about Jerry. He even slaps him as a last resort. But he can't keep up the act. Not anymore.

This sounds a little corny, but I liked how we saw a good combination of men, women and POC the board room. OK, I know that sounds like I'm trying to insert "wokeness" in a series that's not known for being "woke," but so many shows portray corporations as a bunch of white dudes and one token white woman to "keep the girlies from bitching about it."

Similarly, I liked the Gwyneth Paltrow/Elizabeth Holmes girlboss character. She was evil but not obnoxiously, gratingly evil. I didn't care for the hillbilly guy--he almost seemed like a character from a different show.

Also, random, but I love how the artists draw scenery. It sounds silly, but Panda Express actually looks like Panda Express. The zoo gift shop looks exactly like a zoo gift shop. The artists and animators create vibrant, lifelike scenery instead of generic stores and restaurants that make the world feel "real" and lived-in.

I'm guessing that none of them jumped on the Panda Express counter and demanded Szechaun sauce.

Speaking of the artwork, the art and animation in the last fight scene were incredible. I wonder if the animators were referencing the Run the Jewels "Oh Mama" music video, especially since Rick's wearing the same outfit. The lighting and design were similar.

This isn't a problem with the episode itself, but I do miss the surreal, brightly colored alien worlds from the first five seasons. Rick needs to fix his portal gun already, lmao. I love watching the show push its boundaries, but I don't want it to lose the adventurous, sci-fi aspect that makes it fascinating and entertaining to watch.

Overall, I think season five was the end of "old" Rick and Morty. Some say that it ended with season three, but seasons four and five still had similar tones, humor, plotlines and characterization. Season six is new territory. "Rickmurai Jack" was the transition point--the reveals irrevocably changed the show, and it can't go back now.

[book-o-scams]

'Sorry Wrong Ed' Alternate Ending Storyboard Sequence

Check out Al Kang's Ed, Edd n Eddy portfolio!

Al Kang worked on the show during seasons 3-4 and had roles on the storyboard and prop teams apparently. (IMDb says he was credited as Al Choi at the time, but it also says he worked on season 1 episodes, which doesn't line up with the timeline he mentioned.. anyway.)

I discovered his portfolio a few months ago after seeing fandom discussion of the alternate 'Sorry Wrong Ed' ending. I was pleasantly surprised to find a few other treats as well! But yes, I even sorta liked what I learned about 'Sorry Wrong Ed' in the process... (I threw in a little analysis comparing the two endings at the bottom)

I noticed Al seemed to mix up the order on these, so I thought I'd try my best to figure out the right order. This was the most confusing one for me to try and figure out the order of since almost all 8 pages were out of order. I think I finally figured out what's going on in the original ending.

So this alternate ending starts at an unknown point with Eddy flat on the ground, presumably injured, picking himself back up. At this point in the final cut of the episode, Eddy has just been squashed by a tree, but this seems more like a different injury, and he's not even retaining his injuries from the truck scene... The scenes with Jonny and Plank from the final cut of the episode seem to not exist at all here, Jonny and Plank don't appear in this sequence.

Anyway, Eddy picks himself up in the middle of an on-going scene, sees Jimmy drop a coin in a jar for Ed, who has inexplicably turned the cursed phone into a scam on his own. Edd is glaring at the off-screen kids, who have somehow learned about this phone and are excited to kill Eddy with it.

Eddy: "Jimmy! No!"

Jimmy answers the phone: "Hello?"

Ed: "HA HA HA"

Edd: "You people don't seriously believe--"

Then we sync up with gags that did happen in the ending of Sorry Wrong Ed, with context that makes its tone a little more sadistic than random. Jimmy's paid phonecall drops the sandbox on Eddy.

This page has the most skeletal dialogue...

Kev: "Yes." (I think he's meant to be fist pumping because Eddy got hurt, more of a "Yes!")

Jimmy: "BAD LUCK EDDY PHONE." (this dialogue must have been a placeholder)

Edd: "HA HA" (sarcastic ha-ha or did Al mean to write "Ed" for this?)

Jimmy seems to offer the phone to Edd.

We sync up again with Edd's denial from the final cut of this episode, except now it actually makes sense that he's so one-track-minded, because there are people actively arguing with him and keeping him disengaged from the victim.

Edd: "There must be a cargo plane overfilled with playground supplies..."

Sarah interrupts him.

RING RING

Sarah: "Oh, that's for me."

Eddy at this point holds Ed responsible, as he should, and starts running to stop Ed or Sarah. Ed offers no explanation for his betrayal.

Eddy: "Ed! What are you doing!?"

Sarah: "Hello?"

Sarah's paid phonecall summons the hippos, the most random moment in the final cut of the episode. Note how both of these slapstick gags were storyboarded on the same generic background, seems like the lane or an empty lot, but clearly a different location than Eddy's front yard from the aired ending.

And that's all we have to go off of!

I'll put my updated opinions below the cut, but suffice it to say, I like the episode a little better now! Knowing what the ending was going to be and trying to figure out the choices that led to the ending we got, I feel more appreciative that it didn't end up a lost episode or something and less annoyed that it was 11 minutes of one joke.

I know I have a reputation for not finding slapstick funny and disliking this episode, but violence was never my only issue. Lots of episodes have lackluster slapstick that I just let wash over me. My point that never gets as much focus is that this episode never felt FINISHED to begin with. It's just a slapstick vacuum with no ending and no point, and it used to be frustrating to me not knowing for sure if my hunch was right or not that it felt like the episode just wasn't working and they had to cobble it together from the scenes that almost worked.

I am surprised to say I like the episode more now that I know that is pretty close to the truth. Judging from this peek into the episode's development, this episode seems to have reached Danny Antonucci's and/or Wootie's (the episode's lead board artist) limit for being mean-spirited with the characters without a reason. I'll still probably avoid rewatching it, but knowing the episode has no ending specifically because it's been trimmed to bare bones is somehow reassuring.

The most obvious flaw to this original ending is the lack of motivation for Ed's or the kids' actions. The kids presumably still weren't in the rest of the episode, so there's really no reason for them to be here other than reiterating the same idea from 'Your Ed Here' and 'The Good Ole Ed' that the neighborhood kids are always looking for a reason to gang up on Eddy, something that isn't really true of those characters in earlier seasons.

I think I can imagine how, on paper (in the writers' outline), this episode sounded funnier. Trying to imagine this ending as part of the whole episode, I think the script's idea of the final joke is that Ed is not satisfied with ending the tests at the point where they tried to return the phone to Rolf. I think Ed converts the curse-testing process to a scam at that point, building off of how Ed already wasn't processing Eddy's safety in anything so far, and is probably more focused on proving to Edd that curses are real (as Ed was previously in league with Evil Tim). The addition of Ed running his own tests and the kids arguing Eddy's point against Edd's while Eddy's busy, does sound more like a complete manic cartoon boiling point than the way the finished episode just petered out with Edd as the sole antagonist. But unfortunately, in visual execution, suddenly piling in so many aggressive characters and so much random violence at once, would only really result in it petering out at a higher volume.

Meanwhile Edd's characterization is made much more structurally sound in the original ending. He's annoyed FOR Eddy's sake, and the only reason he's not actively helping Eddy is because like 3 other characters were supposed to be arguing with him while this was happening. It seems extremely apparent to me that the cuts made to this ending were for the sake of mitigating Ed's reputation in the fandom, as well as the kids', and I think it's really unfortunate that Edd's characterization was the cost for salvaging everyone else's. I'm glad I already considered his behavior in 'Sorry Wrong Ed' non-canon, because now it feels like the reason the aired ending is so out-of-character is just because Edd is basically arguing with the ghost of the original scene. I formally forgive 'Sorry Wrong Ed'. Production turnarounds are tough and AKA did their best to not turn this into another forgotten 'Special Ed' episode that simply wasn't working.

I think ditching the original ending was ultimately the right call. It was not an exemplary episode, but I can admit it's less out of place to have a pure "vacuum of violence" story than it would've been to essentially give the kids a supernatural revenge plot like this. That would've been really weird to have to accept-- Eddy definitely wouldn't want to be friends with anyone at the end of the movie if THIS was their past. Changing it to an unaware Jonny and a questionably aware Plank being responsible, indeed, was a vibe that landed much more like standard EEnE fare. It was weird enough that the kids all saw Santa in JJJ, can you imagine if they all knew curses were real AND participated in attacking a neighbor with one??

If there was a silver lining for me the first time I saw this episode, it was that none of the kids were directly involved in Eddy's suffering. It made the questionable reality of the cursed device slightly more acceptable that only the Eds and Rolf know about the curse. If this ending had happened, I would've reacted the same, but I would've rejected its continuity even more than I do now, because it would just feel like they animated one of the DC Comics (where the kids can blow the Eds up with fireworks at the end or the Eds can randomly be crushed under an avalanche of anvils)-- the art could end up gorgeous but the characterizations don't exactly land as real human beings, the balance this show strives for typically.

And I think that's all I wanted to say! In the end, I found myself liking 'Sorry Wrong Ed' slightly more than I used to, all thanks to this glimpse into how the animation production system morphs the outcome of a cartoon. Thanks so much to Al Kang, for sharing your art and this insight into the industry! I don't know whether he did both the gesture drawings and the revised art, but judging from his other boards I think the cleaned up art is his, and I liked seeing the poses that almost were!

[maria-chwan]

Doodler (Sanji x reader)

It was another nice day on Thousand Sunny and almost everyone was out on the deck. You were inside, doodling in your notebook in the dining room. Usopp had left ages ago, after you two had chatted together for a moment with a cup of tea. When you had got a moment alone with your thoughts, you had pulled out a notebook and started drawing random things mindlessly.

After a while Luffy, Usopp and Chopper barged in the dining room, startling you. They spotted you and rushed over.

"Hello (Y/N)! We were looking for you!" Luffy greeted you loudly. "Why aren't you outside like everyone else?"

"Oh, are you drawing? I draw sometimes as a hobby!" Usopp exclaimed, leaning over the table to look at your notebook.

"Why are you drawing?" Chopper asked curiously, trying to see what Usopp was looking at.

"I like to draw. Humans, animals, places... They are fun to draw", you answered with a relaxed smile.

Usopp seemed to like your work, giving your notebook to Luffy. Luffy let out a shocked 'woah'. You were happy that you doodled today, because the drawings turned out nice and you got to show them to your friends.

"What did you draw?" Chopper asked, having not yet seen the notebook.

"A couple of animals, some cool places and a few faces", you told them.

Usopp gave the notebook finally to Chopper, who let out a happy shout. Chopper seemed to like the animals you had doodled the most.

"These drawings look nice! I like your art, (Y/N)!" Luffy said.

"Thanks, Luffy", you said and took the notebook back.

"You should draw us next! Can you draw everyone in the crew?" Chopper asked.

You said yes, because you had been doodling your crewmates already before today. It was always fun to try to draw your friends. Luffy, Usopp and Chopper left just as quickly as they had arrived, leaving you to focus on doodling.

Sanji had been choosing a cider from the fridge. Stopping to glance at you from the kitchen, Sanji witnessed how your body was hunched over the paper. Listening to the sound of your pencil scraping the paper, Sanji smiled to himself and turned his back to you, continuing to prepare a nice afternoon snack for everyone.

Luffy, Usopp and Chopper brought everyone else in the dining room about an hour later. Some crewmembers were hard to draw and you didn't manage to draw very accurate drawings of them, but you figured out that you could laugh together about it with them and have fun looking at your drawings.

"It's time for an afternoon snack! Drinks for everyone!" Sanji exclaimed, bringing out a tray of glasses that were filled with cider or juice.

"Thanks, Sanji!" everyone thanked the cook and gathered around your drawings.

"You drew my lips too thick, (Y/N)!" Usopp complained right away. You were close with Usopp, so you didn't take it his complaint too seriously.

"Oh, shut it! Your face is hard to draw!" you exclaimed loudly and laughed when Usopp attacked you.

"I'm wearing a strawhat!" Luffy shouted, smiling widely. "I look cool!"

"Chopper's face is more like a bunch of shapes and lines", Frankyn pointed out.

"Why did you have to draw me like that, (Y/N)?!" Chopper cried.

"I'm sorry!" you apologized and smiled. "I was drawing from the memory, so some of the drawings may not be accurate."

"Brook looks weird", Zoro noticed.

"Yohohohohooo! It's true, my actual teeth look very different from the drawing!" Brook laughed.

"I look pretty cool", Jinbei said, sounding pleasantly surprised. "Thank you, (Y/N)."

"Don't mention it", you told him, feeling proud when Jinbei's drawing turned out accurate.

"Nami, Robin and Luffy look close to what they actually look like", Franky said. "I can't say the same about me, Chopper and Brook."

"I'm sorry", you said. "Maybe I can draw humans the best since I am a human myself."

"You have to pay closer attention next time you are drawing my hair", Nami said. "But look at who you made the most detailed drawing of!"

It was your drawing of Sanji. You had remembered his eyebrows, his hair, the way his eyes were a little droopy, his nose, his smile and his stubble, not to mention all the other little details.

Sanji came back from the kitchen, where he had taken the empty tray. He went to look at your drawings, looking excited.

Sanji's face darkened with annoyance when he noticed the drawing you had made of Zoro (even though Zoro looked pretty silly in the drawing). When Sanji saw the drawing you had made of him, his face went through the stages of surprise, happiness and finally victorious feeling in a couple of seconds.

His reaction made you relax. You were celebrating inside your head, drinking in the sight of his pleased face. It was more than a victory of Zoro, you had made Sanji feel special.

"You remembered his stubble, his eyes... everything about Sanji's face!" Usopp said.

"Why did you remember how Sanji looked like so well?" Chopper asked.

"Because he is handsome!" you said without hesitating.

Usopp could't believe you had said it so boldly. Chopper was surprised by your answer as well. You could feel Sanji staring at your face. You couldn't stop a giddy grin spreading out across your face.

"I'm handsome too", Zoro butted in. You could feel the provoked competion spirit rolling off him.

"Not as handsome as Sanji", you told him straight. Somebody gasped. Zoro stared at you, surprised in front of your bold attitude.

You had never seen Sanji beaming so much. Of course you had made yourself sound dramatic, because you wanted to look good in front of him.

"That's right, marimo!" Sanji shouted, jumping in front of Zoro. "I'm the most handsome, not you!"

A fight between Zoro and Sanji began. Nami told them to stop and Usopp complained because they punched him accidentally in the face, but you were watching Sanji. You would make Zoro feel annoyed a hundred times for Sanji and help him win against the marimo anytime. You weren't blinded because of love yet, but a strong crush was enough to make you root for the fierce cook when it came to his forever rivalry with the swordsman.

[jojo-reader-hell]

Matchup Request

This is a match up for the dearest @kepasstuff​ who was so kind as to make me a nice drawing in return for a personalized match up! I’ve been going through a whirlwind trying to get back to the US, but I hope this makes up for it!

So, about interests: I like doing makeup and draw. And I love dance especially something cute and couple like waltz or something like that. Also i like to look attractive and show off a little bit (in a good way though!) I'm friendly but I'm never talking first because I need to know how people feels about me before the conversation. So I can look kinda gloomy and arrogant cause I mostly silent in company but I reeeally LOVE to make a new friends. I open up gradually but when I do - I'm your personal human-puppy. I can be Intrusive and push things too fast. Like, you know, when a guy holds your door and you mentally name your kids - that what I am. I'm a incorrigibly romantic though. I like to be affectionate and caring but mostly in private. Also I really need someone who can discuss with me about everything because I love long conversations with a lot of arguments. Not quarrel, of course. Also I like psychology and philosophy. I need someone who may praise me and boost my self-esteem up a little bit because sometimes I really need it. About looks: I have dark long hair, dark brown eyes and a very childish face. My height is 5'1

Who I like: Polnareff, Bruno, Fugo, Mista and Risotto.

Based on your overall personality and likes, I think the one you’d pair the best with out of the five would definitely be the one and only big French Binch Jean Pierre Polnareff! Considering the fact that you’re big on primping, he’s the perfect one to be around since he’s so fickle about his sense of style and cleanliness. However he’s a giant dork, so you might have to help him when he doesn’t understand that you can’t mix polka dots and stripes. Since you have a perpetual gloomy look, Polnareff wouldn’t hesitate to try and make you smile only to be pleasantly surprised when you reciprocate that friendliness. Of course once you opened up to him, you wouldn’t be immune from him falling in love with you. He would come up to you and take you tenderly in his arms, a rather intimate confession that makes your toes curl and makes you swoon.

He’s all you’ll want and more. A true romantic in every sense of the word. Super cuddly and sweet, wants nothing more than for you to be wrapped around him and ensconced in kisses. Willingly does whatever you want him to do, including giving you some mean massages with his favorite scented oils. He might not argue much with you however, but since he’s so arrogant he might try in a very polite way to convince you that he’s right during every disagreement. So he will give you that resistance that you’re looking for. Definitely will still praise you and make you feel like you’re the most special person in the world to him. And you will be. Be prepared to become his entire world because the minute he laid eyes on you he already knew the names of the ten kids he wanted with you and even knew exactly how he’d redecorate the house to suit your tastes.

[zerablackwell]

Chapter 4: Leverage

A week had gone by since Zera visited with her mother, Seth developed a plan to better her behavior in school. They spent lunch periods on worksheets and assessments in exchange for information from Seth about whatever Zera wanted. For the most part, they agreed and got along well regarding their little pact. They were both pleasantly surprised by how much they had in common.

"Zera, you are almost done with the page, come on. Remember the deal."

She groaned loudly, dropping her head on the page that was three quarters completed. "I hate doing this tedious work."

"If you finish it soon, we can get the assessments out of the way. I want to know how to properly tailor the help you require to get further in this system. As much as you don't like it, the humans value their schooling and make it practically a requirement to move forward in their world." Seth responded, drumming his fingers on the desk.

Zera lifted her head to glare at her uncle, then rolled her eyes. "I still don't get it. I don't like this. I'm only participating so I don't have to listen to Father's lectures."

"I'd honestly suggest you care a little more, you'll be able to open the doors so you can have better control of the world."

Zera stayed quiet for a moment, pondering the words prudently for a moment before nodding, "So I finish this, you tell me one thing. Yes?"

"Well, what is it you want to know?"

"I want to get into Heaven."

Seth was clearly caught off guard, "I...I'm sorry, what?"

"You heard me, I want into Heaven."

Seth stared at her, then huffed slightly. "Finishing a page does not equate to sneaking you into Heaven."

"Then what does?"

He opened his mouth then paused for a long moment, "No, nope. We aren't having this conversation, if this gets back to your father, he might-no he will have my head."

Zera giggled and stated, "You're scared of him."

"You seem to forget that he is not just my older brother, but also a well-known archdemon. A respected figure in Hell. In our worlds, both Heaven and Hell, everyone knows all that he is capable of." Seth patiently explained, but Zera was not impressed. "You are the only one who is questionably sane that would openly and readily challenge him."

"I take offense to that!" Zera huffed, "I am very much sane thank you." She then stuck her tongue out at him who rolled his eyes.

"Hun, you related to me, you are partially insane. You can blame genetics." Seth chuckled, smiling at her.

Zera lightened up a bit, giggling and enjoying the moment between her and Seth. Then she could hear Luz's familiar whispers in her ear, "Insist little one, you need to get in."

She cleared her throat as they settled down, "Please...I'd like to at least meet my grandparents, really. I want to go to heaven and meet my family."

Seth bit his lip hesitantly, "This is where I may have to draw the line, our family hasn't been together in eons. I'm sure your father would prefer to be present when you meet your grandparents."

"I didn't realize that he still tells you what to do. I thought you were both grown adults."

"I am a grown adult, and unlike you, I actually look like one." Seth glared, pointing a finger at her. "Little Miss One Hundred and something."

"Touché, however, we do age differently. Who knows how old are you Mr. Dinosaur." Zera giggled, amused by her uncle.

"Well, I'm not going to take you for calling me a dinosaur."

"So, you're going to keep me from meeting my extended family because of a preschool insult and homework?"

Seth sat there in complete disbelief and groaned loudly, "You manipulative little beat."

Zera smirked, "I've learned from the best."

There was something in Seth's eyes that Zera couldn't quite decipher. "Fine, fine. I'll help you get in, but for now, you'll only meet your grandmother."

"Why only her?"

"Azazel will be less angry when he finds out you only met Haniel. There was really no ill will between him and his mother." Seth explained then tapped the page, "Before we start that, you have to finish the packet."

Zera's lip twitched upward in a snarl, but she cleared her throat. "Done." She got to work and quickly completed the packet within about ten minutes, then pushed it toward her uncle who eyed her carefully.

"You had to complete it correctly Zera." He glanced over the first page which had nothing but wrong answers.

"Ah ha...That was not mentioned in the deal before agreeing." She smirked tapping her finger on the table expectantly.

Seth's face turned bright red, he growled. "You sneaky little-"

Zera giggled and cut him off, "Language Uncle Seth~" She then propped her head up with her hand on the table, "A deal is a deal."

He groaned, "Damn you are like your father."

The bell rang and Zera hissed, "Damn it."

"We'll talk later, I promise." Seth then stood and waited by the door as students began to enter.

Zera moves back to her corner seat as the students filed into the classroom and filled in their seats. One boy made his way to sit with the grouchy purple haired girl in the back. "You should smile more."

Zera looked at him, glaring. "You should sew your mouth shut."

He chuckled nervously, taking the seat by her. "You are just the image of a bright sunny day."

"You are the image of a parasite, let's go to the doctors." She spat; Seth eyed her warningly from the door causing her to pout. "Please refrain from distrusting me from the lesson."

"You never pay attention to the lesson."

"I'm trying to change my habits, now if you will." She opened her bag, pulling out a notebook and a fountain pen.

Seth made his way to the center after closing the door, "Welcome back class, please leave the energy from lunch outside." He waited for the chatter to settle down before beginning to explain persuasive essays. None to subtly, he glanced at Zera, "With persuasive essays, you must clearly explain the points for whatever the argument may be."

Zera couldn't help but giggle, and the boy feigned a gasp.

"Holy shit, she laughs." He whispered with a smirk, "Her smile is pretty too."

Almost immediately, Zera snarled and flashed her fangs at him. "Shut up, Janice."

He almost fell back on to the floor with a small yelp, "What the-!"

"Jordan! Zera! Must I separate you two?" Seth snapped, slamming a book on to his desk.

The boy returned to his seat nervously, "N-no Mr. Smith."

"Yes Mr. Smith, please move this twat from my space." Zera hissed and Seth's eye visibly twitched.

The students began to whisper and giggle quietly, "Zera, Jordan. Principal's office, thank you." He pointed to the door, she glared and stood. "No snarky remarks please Miss Blackwell, go on, the both of you."

Jordan stood and they both made their way to the door, Zera paused in the doorway. She looked at the teacher and ever so politely flipped him the bird. His face began to resemble a tomato, she finally left for the principal's office in a chorus of oohs from her peers.

Jordan looked at Zera, "Do you have to piss off everyone you meet?"

"Do you have to pester all of your classmates?"

"Only the interesting ones."

Zera rolled her eyes, "What is it exactly that makes me interesting then?"

"Where you come from."

"So, it isn't anything I've done that makes me interesting, it's only my background? You're interesting because of your stupidity." She glared at him.

"Your background makes up who you are."

"My background has nothing to do with me." She snapped.

"You're a real piece a work." Jordan huffed, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I would hope so; Rome wasn't built in a day. It's taken me a lot to be who I am." She walked off.

"Wait, the principal's office is this way!"

"I'm going to the lady's room first, 'less they want to up my piss." She lied, quickly losing him as she walked down the hall.

As she turned the corner to make her way towards the school exit, Luz's voice chirped into her ear, "Young lady, turn right around and march right back in there."

"What? Why?" Zera stopped at the large double doors leading to her freedom from this makeshift hell.

"Don't take your punishment for something small. If you get in trouble, make it worth getting punished for dearie."

Zera smirked and turned around, "Luz, I love you." She giggled as she made her way towards the chemistry lab, her eyes flashed a mischievous red in her reflection of the window.

"Now, where to little lamb?"

"This place is a figurative hell, I'm going to create a little chaos~" She tried to open the door, but found it to be locked. Zera growled and her eyes turned bright red while she kept her hand on the handle. There was a click and she pushed the door wide open.

"Atta' girl." Luz chuckled, Zera smirked and she produced a small flame in her hand. She stood on a table and put her hand towards one of the sprinklers in the ceiling. Once the fire alarm went off, she made her way out of the lab and blended into the crowd of students being escorted outside.

Once outside, Zera was able to speak off away from the students and faculty and left the campus. She began walking towards a plaza just a couple of blocks from the school. Humming as she arrived, she looked around seeing an interesting looking tattoo parlor next to a rather plain looking shop. She made a mental note to remember the tattoo parlor, then continue to look around until she saw a small coffee shop.

Zera began to walk closer when Luz spoke up, "Darling, you seem to have forgotten your bag at school."

"Luz. I have a nifty little invention called pockets, perhaps you've heard of them? They're mini bags inside your clothes." Zera remarked.

Luz chuckled and left her alone, as Zera reached for the door handle to enter the little coffee shop a pale hand grabbed her wrist gently. "Zera Blackwell, you are in extreme trouble."

Zera groaned loudly, looking up at Elijah, "How'd you find me?"

"The real question is; what on Earth were you thinking? Seth called me, telling me you've disappeared after the fire alarm was set off." Elijah took her hand and began walking away. "Of all the things, I've never thought you would have done something so irresponsibly stupid."

"I cannot believe you all thought it would be good to put me in a school full of idiotic, hormonal, and pathetic human infants." Zera snapped back.

"Lower your voice!" Elijah hissed at her, tugging her along. "Why are you behaving like this?"

Zera looked at Elijah deadpanned, "Just take me home Elijah, it seems my fun is done for the day."

Elijah stared at her in disbelief, then tugged her along towards the front door. They both walked in silence as they entered the home and were greeted by their overexcited hellhound, Ace. Elijah pulled out his phone and dialed a number as Zera started for the stairs. "Seth, I've found her. Yes, she's here with me, we're home." He paused and Zera glanced back curiously. "Very well, you can come by after school."

Zera pet Ace then went to her room and closed the door behind them, the hellhound made a beeline for her bed and Zera giggled. "Leave me some room goofball."

Ace barked back at her as she grabbed a book from her desk and sat beside Ace. She opened to the bookmarked page and stared, waiting for Luz to pipe up, but he did not surface. As time passed, she grew agitated and growled at the book.

There was a sudden knock, Zera put the book away as the door opened revealing Seth. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"What?"

"You are now suspended from school for a week, why did you set off the alarms?" Seth scolded, closing the door behind him.

"You didn't take my request seriously." Zera glared, Ace jumped up eagerly to greet Seth who merely waved him off.

"About you and Jordan? What was going on there?" Seth crossed his arms over his chest, tapping his foot expectantly.

"I'll kill him next time I see him, that's what." Zer a hissed, her uncle sighed.

"You acted out because you didn't like him?"

"He's a pest, vermin, a parasite that sucks out my patience."

"You had patience to begin with?"

Zera glared at him, "So I'm off school for a week then?"

"Yes, Elijah and Azazel are livid."

"Like I care, when will we prepare to go then? We do have a deal after all." Zera leaned forward, smirking, keeping her voice low.

Seth's eyes widened and he groaned loudly, "You clever little-..."

[otherworldink]

Intro to "Woodworking"

Where do you go when you live in a tiny medieval fantasy village and need some basic sex ed? The woodshop apparently. Results may vary. Includes frank, if humorous, discussions of sexuality.

Read it below the cut, or continue reading on: Wattpad or Otherworld.Ink

Bren had never liked sharing personal information. He believed in the twin virtues of privacy and minding your own damn business, and he acted accordingly. Unfortunately, he'd come up against a problem that required advice. Expert advice.

And there was only one place in his backwater village he could get it.

The carpenter's workshop was a pleasantly open building with large windows that let in the light and broad double doors that could allow the passage of a finished table or bed frame. The scent of fresh-cut pine and the subtler scents of hardwoods permeated the air. In every corner there stood half-completed projects, from the disassembled pieces of little boxes to uncut slabs with measurements drawn in charcoal. Bren could even see a small spoked wheel, half-sanded—a spare for the wheeled chair Kole's father used.

Mercifully, the only people inside were the shop's two owners. The most conspicuous of the pair was Dorin, whose height and breadth led some to suspect he had a touch of giant blood somewhere in his ancestry. He sat hunched over a pair of carved wooden fawns, adding the last fine details with a small chisel.

Hale looked slight compared to his husband, but this was just an optical illusion. A point that was reinforced as the man casually lifted a slab of wood that must have weighed as much as Bren did. It was impressive, but not why Bren was here.

"Hi, Bren!" Hale greeted, looking up from examining the marks on the wood slab. "Did your mother change her mind on the dimensions for that shelf? I was just about to make the first cut."

"No, no. It's not about that. I just... I need some advice."

"Oh? Thinking of taking up woodworking?" Hale asked, half joking.

In his nervousness, Bren replied with a poor joke of his own.

"Different kind of 'wood' to be working with."

There was a pause as Hale processed. Then he grinned like someone had handed him a new chisel.

"I knew it! It's Kole, isn't it? That nice half-elf boy?"

Bren's ears burned, and his eyes glued themselves to the floor.

"It is!" Hale dropped the wood slab in his eagerness, shaking the ground on impact. He didn't seem to notice. "Tell me everything! What do you need to know?"

The excitement was not mutual. Bren had resolved to ask for help with the same enthusiasm one used to ask the blacksmith to pull a bad tooth. Mercifully, Dorin only looked mildly interested, sparing just a glance before continuing his carving.

"Look, I'm not here to share details. I just need to know how some things work, and I figure you two..." Bren glanced back and forth between the pair then cleared his throat. "Yeah."

"Right, right." Hale nodded with exaggerated understanding. "No need to overshare. ...Unless you want to, of course."

Hale wasn't the worst gossip Bren knew—that title went to Mrs. Fields who owned the mill—but Bren still thought he took a bit too much pleasure in having his nose in everyone's business.

"I just need to know how some things work."

"Like what?" Hale tapped his chin. "Don't tell me you need to know what goes where? I should have some blank paper around here if you need me to draw diagrams. I can think of a few positions that would be good for beginners."

"No! No, I already know about that stuff." Kind of. A bit. In any case, Bren didn't think his dignity could survive diagrams. "I just need to know about... logistics. Like how you figure out who, you know... tops."

It was hard to get the words out, and he regretted it as soon as he had. It felt like such a stupid question, like it was something he should already know instinctively. People certainly had their own ideas about how these things worked, but Bren and Kole were about the same age, height, and build so it was hard to say that any of the usual "guidelines" applied.

To his surprise, Dorin answered first.

"I wouldn't worry too much about that," he said without looking up. "Just see what feels right when you get to that point. You can take turns trying or, hells, even flip a coin for it. There's more to sex than putting your dick in a hole. Focus on making each other feel good, and the rest will sort itself out."

That... actually sounded sensible. Reassuring, even. Maybe Bren had been making a big deal out of nothing.

"No, no, no! Hold on a minute, babe." Hale quickly covered Dorin's ears. "Listen to me, Bren: you are at a crossroads right now. This is where you set the tone for your entire relationship. You have a unique chance to secure the best position all for yourself. You have to be the bottom!"

Dorin snorted, but made no move to remove the hands from his head. Hale ignored him and continued.

"Topping is a fool's game! If you want to feel something around your dick, you can have your own hand any time. But when you want to get fucked, what are you supposed to do? Oh, you can try certain vegetables, and I've certainly carved a few things in the right shape, but then you've still got to do all the work yourself, and-"

Dorin cleared his throat, interrupting the deluge of far-too-personal information. A mercy, given that Bren was on the verge of bursting into awkward flames and disintegrating into the floor.

"Hush!" Hale scolded his husband. "I'm passing on my wisdom. And you can't hear right now!"

He returned his earnest attention to Bren. "What I'm saying is, no matter what anyone tells you, it is surprisingly hard to 'go fuck yourself'. If you ever get the opportunity to have someone else do it, do not pass it up!"

"He's only saying that because he's lazy in bed," Dorin said, apparently giving up on withholding personal information. Hale made an offended noise.

"You! You can't hear, remember!"

Bren wished he couldn't hear anything.

"Is there anything useful you can tell me, or should I just leave?"

"Always use oil," Dorin said, finally brushing Hale's hands away from his ears. "More than you think you need. It makes everything more pleasant."

"Except for oral!" Hale added.

"Yeah. Except that."

"Okay, that's... good to know," Bren said. "So, like, the oil you use on tools, or...?"

"NO!" The objection came from both of them simultaneously.

Dorin cleared his throat.

"Ah, no. Different oil."

Hale grimaced.

"Otherwise you're in for an awkward trip to the healer."

Bren could tell there was a story there. A story he absolutely never needed to hear.

"Then... what kind are you supposed to use?" And where could he get it? Ideally without anyone guessing what he intended to use it for.

"We'll send you off with something," Dorin said. "It's better than you getting desperate and using whatever's on hand."

"Trust us on that," Hale added.

On this matter, Bren would.

In short order, the two set him up with a small jar of oil and instructions on where to discretely buy more. He also found himself holding the two fawns.

"You can pay us back by delivering them," Dorin explained. "They're for Leda on the other side of town."

"They're actually for her daughter," Hale added. "Leda hopes that if the kid has some nice toy fawns, she'll stop trying to bring home the real ones she finds out in the fields."

The palm-sized fawns were impressively lifelike: one curled flat and low like it was hiding in the grass, the other half-sprawled, pushing itself up on delicate forelimbs with its ears pricked alertly. Bren wasn't sure they'd be enough to persuade a determined child to give up the real thing, but they might come close.

Dorin offered some parting words.

"I don't think you have anything to worry about. Just take it slow, listen to each other, and have fun."

"And for fuck's sake, let him top!" Hale added, unable to help himself.

Bren mumbled something approaching a polite goodbye and hurriedly retreated with the fawns, the oil, the advice, and what remained of his dignity.

His initial plan had been to make the delivery and retreat home to bury his face in his pillow until the embarrassment receded, but fate was not so accommodating. Less than halfway across town, he spotted Kole at the blacksmith's shop, saying his goodbyes. Bren paused on reflex, and when Kole turned away from the workshop, he spotted him.

Kole smiled—partly bashful, entirely charming—and Bren's stomach flipped.

Kole had moved into town a few months back with his parents: an elven mother and a human father who had recently survived an unpleasant encounter with a wyvern. Years ago, Hale had made a wheeled chair for his elderly aunt, and since then, anyone within a week's travel who needed one would order from him.

The family had made the journey to have the chair properly fitted and had ended up staying. Something about wanting to live "somewhere quiet" and enjoying the "lovely pastoral scenery". Which all sounded like nice euphemisms for "boring", but Bren supposed boring might be what you wanted after getting mauled by a wyvern.

"They're cute," Kole said, nodding at the carved fawns in Bren's hands.

"They're not mine!" Bren said hastily. "I'm just delivering them."

"Right." Kole's gaze lowered. "What's that?"

Bren realized, with some alarm, that he was looking at the bottle of oil sticking out of his trouser pocket. He hadn't thought it would be a problem since there was nothing suggestive about it's appearance, but he hadn't prepared for anyone to ask about it!

"Nothing!" His voice came out slightly more panicked than intended.

Amusement flickered on Kole's face, as if he could tell Bren was hiding something but was nice enough not to call him out on it.

"Who are you delivering them to?" Kole asked, mercifully turning the conversation back to the wooden fawns.

This was why Kole was the actual best. He had the decency to let things lie. (Or, at least, to let Bren lie to save some face.)

"Leda. They're for her daughter."

"Oh yeah. The little 'fawn-napper'." Kole chuckled. "Do you need help delivering those?"

"No, they're not heavy or anything." It was only after he'd said this that he realized Kole was making an excuse to join him. "Uh... I mean, you could..."

"I could carry one? In case you need a free hand."

"Yeah. That'd be good."

Kole accepted one of the fawns and fell in step next to Bren.

The two of them had been intimate before, but always alone. Bren was too much a private person to allow anything else. But when Kole casually laid a hand on Bren's lower back, Bren really couldn't bring himself to object. It felt... nice. And it's not like anyone was paying special attention to them.

Did he mention it felt nice?

Given where Bren had just come from, it was impossible not to reflect on the recent conversation. He tried to keep his thoughts decent, out of respect for the carved fawn in his hands. It was far too innocent for anyone to be having those kinds of thoughts around it.

Still, though...

Maybe Hale had a point.