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sarahsartistportfolio · 8 months ago

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Knight X Princess AU with Albedo

wc: 3,926

Ok so many many months ago I had made this post and the lovely @witch-hazels-musings decided to pick it up and turn it into a series. Back then I had little interest in actually writing fanfic but now I'm dipping my toes in it. And I have the inspiration for knight Albedo so I tried to write. And it ended up pretty long lol

Um there are some author's notes at the end. And Hazel if you end up reading this, your writing is truly such an inspiration. You completely have my blessing if you wanna use anything I wrote here in your own knight series❤

Once upon a time, you’re the youngest princess of Mondstadt.

At the tender age of seven a strange woman approaches your father with a proposal. You watch secretly behind the grey stone wall as this foreign woman talks to your father, the king. The woman’s hands are resting on the shoulders of a child beside her, a little golden-haired boy about your age. You're too young to make out any sense of the conversation they're having. And it isn't until your older brother spots you, and rushes you away that that little boy looks behind him to catch a glimpse of you.

This mysterious woman not only convinced your father to take this young boy in but also that he will be your future personal knight.

Your father stands behind tiny you as he introduces you.

“ Y/N, this is Kreideprinz, he’ll be training with the knights of Favonius. You’ll be spending a lot of time together when you're older.”

Albedo’s piercing icey blue eyes seem to look right through you. He barely moves, only taking a low formal bow with “Princess.” as his introduction.

You extend a curtsy back towards him(or at least try to, your sister has been desperately teaching you how to perform one right)

Your gruff father’s voice cuts through

“His mentor told me he’s developed a skill for the arts at such a young age. Just like you Y/N.”

This moment marks the start of a fond habit the two of you will share in the many years to come. Given parchment and colorful pastels by your father you and Albedo draw together out in the open courtyard. And although he doesn't say much and you’re a bit too nervous to say anything towards him, you make a small attempt.

“Kreidepr-”

“Albedo.” he cuts you off with an unchanging neutral expression.

“Please call me Albedo, your highness.”

From that moment forward you two become a familiar presence in each other’s lives. When you weren’t being taught your sixth lesson by your governess and when he was done with training with the order of the knights, you two played together. He would show off his newly learned sword stance or a raw material he was gifted by his teacher in his alchemy lesson. You quickly learned he was a curious child. Not afraid to pick up the creepiest of bugs or tornest of plants.(You even watched him eat a spider much to your shock.) He would tell you random facts about the stars, the weather or flowers that grew on the castle’s grounds. You rarely saw him smile, his expression always remaining so indifferent. It was like he hadn’t learned how to smile yet.

Meanwhile you shared with Albedo the juicy gossip you overheard from the visiting diplomats or a map you stole from your father’s collection of newly discovered lands from outside your kingdom. You two developed a love of drawing together whenever you both could escape the pressures of the adults. It's peaceful, drawing together on a large piece of paper. Of what you hoped your futures to look like, what countries you’d like to visit, what new foods you’d like to try.

When you’re about 15 years old it's when he officially becomes your guard. You’ve noticed as you’ve grown older Albedo seems to keep his distance from people. Except you, as he’s quite forced to be your shadow. It really feels like nothing has changed at all except now he wears the royal uniform and he’s the first face you see when you wake up and the last before you retire for bed.

You don't quite understand his love for science but you indulge in his hobby nonetheless. You listen to him ramble about experiments and data that just go right over your head. But you really do try to pay attention! Because you consider him your friend now. Plus his voice is so calming, you could listen to him talk about anything for hours.

On the occasions you are able to, if you find a rare preserved bug or rock said to have fallen from the sky, you gift it to Albedo. (Even if on occasion he says a bit sheepishly “I already have one of these in my collection” he still accepts it from you regardless).

You’re the first one he shares that he’s been gifted a vision. He tells you way too calmly for having been blessed with such a powerful item but you get excited for him.

A few more years pass and Albedo could actually count on one hand how many times he’s actually had to defend you. He’s grateful really, that’s it's been so little, that his job is relatively boring. He’s thankful that so far your life has been safe.

He does remember although, the first time he ever saw you truly fearful. A few years back when you two were still teenagers. A siege from a neighboring kingdom, one who wanted more power, marched right up to the city’s gates. You and your siblings were barricaded in an enforced room deep within the castle. “If the enemy starts to breach the outer room of these walls, I want you to take my sister and run, escape from here through the underground passage.” Your older brother had told Albedo secretly earlier.

Albedo had never seen you genuinely afraid before that day. As the sounds of screams and combat can be heard from within this room's thick walls. Your clammy and tight grip on his hand never leaves him as your other hand clenched at the fabric of your dress.

The sound of cannon fire shaking the walls has made you jump in surprise and even has shaken Albedo’s usual calm demeanor.

“We’ll be alright.” He reassures you although his slightly nervous tone betrays his words. He squeezes your hand “I promise we’ll survive this.”

And it's through your closest friend’s unwavering certainty that you find it in yourself to give him a weak smile and nod.

And as if the gods hold true to Albedo’s word, the battle never reaches inside the castle. Your loyal army causes the enemy to retreat. Its safe again at last. But when your siblings start to exit the room, You find yourself breaking down. You were trying desperately to hold it together in front of your family but now just in the presence of Albedo tears being to fall. He stops and moves right in front of you, his hand now resting on your shoulder as he tries to brush the tears from your cheeks. A rare look of concern and worry on his face as he quietly calls your name.

“I’m sorry.” you sniffle and try to regain some composure in your voice. “I’m sorry. Look at me crying while everyone else is relieved. I should be stronger than this. A royal should be stronger than this.”

As he glances back at the doorway waiting til it's just the two of you left in this room, he embraces you, in this brief quiet moment he holds you close.

Yes so far you’ve been kept safe. Even skillfully dogaging a marriage proposal or two.

That is…until the curse catches up to you.

You see there’s been a long past down story that your family will one day suffer from a curse. But that’s all this is right? A story? A story of some ancestor of yours angring a deity or magical creature and getting cursed that one day your royal bloodline will die out. But that’s just a fairy tale right?

It starts with your father the king. But he’s already old and frail so his death, while heartbreaking, is not all too unexpected. Albedo is still there at your side as you lie a flower down on your father’s tomb.

Now your oldest brother inherits the throne. You’re happy to see him in power, your family has been very close. He’s only about seven years older than you and healthy for his age.

So two months after his coronation, when he falls ill. It's a shock to you and your two other siblings. The royal doctor has no answer, you call for healers outside your borders, offering huge payments in return. But within a week, your dear brother is gone.

Albedo watches as you try to put on a strong facade for your sister and brother. But he can see the trembling in your hands. This isn’t normal, this shouldn’t be happening. Let alone to someone as undeserving as you.

Now Albedo is no doctor but there must be something he can do, some way he can help. He scours the castle library for every book on rare illnesses and even dips into your family’s genealogy. When nothing there serves his pursuit he ventures out into the city, even to the outskirts of Mondstadt for any scrap of information that could help him.

And within this short time Albedo is searching, your older sister takes the throne and a month later she is dead.

Albedo watches as you attempt to reassure your last remaining family member. “It's the curse isn’t it?” your brother replies with paranoia.

But it can’t be. Albedo tries to convince himself. He has studied magic extensively, curses aren’t unheard of but. To think this tragedy would touch you? The only person in his life he considers a friend?

Albedo is a man of science, of tangible proof that you can hold in your hand. A curse that was placed on your family for some unknown reason, generations ago by most likely some being or person that’s long since passed? He thinks back to when he was 15, glancing to his side as he kneels before the king to take his vow, to see you trying to hold back a gleeful smile as you watch him take his oath to serve by your side till his last dying breath.

A curse? He will not just bend it but break it completely.

He neglects you a bit again during this time. So into his research as he has been many times in the past. He reassures you this time it's to help you. Your brother only makes it two weeks before he’s caught a fever. Albedo closes his book, leaves his lab, and returns to your side as you say your last goodbyes to your brother.

The young man feels as if the world is crumbling beneath his very feet with how fast both of your lives have changed in such a short amount of time. He wants to return to those carefree days of when you two drew together out in the courtyard, not to now where he has to watch the joy leave your eyes, not one where he has to watch you bury your family, where he’ll have to watch you be-

No no no he can’t think like that. Not now. Not when there’s still time to change the future. But he just can’t bring himself to leave your side right now. Not now when your skin is growing pale, you're losing your appetite and your eyes grow tired. You two are friends. He understands this, you taught him what friendship is, what it looks like, feels like. But recently with this suffering that has fallen to you, he can’t feel but feel a new emotion, one he can’t comprehend. Recently he’s had such a strong desire to embrace you more often. Hold your hand. And when you're standing too close caressing his cheek, kiss you. But is this love? Could something that’s not even human grasp such a raw emotion?

“Albedo…” you weakly beckon him closer, offering a piece of charcoal in your hand. He knows why you're doing this. But it won't be the last time, he swears to himself.

“Remember when we were kids,” you start with your horse voice “I drew us climbing to the top of Dragonspire, that’s what I saw in our future.” you smile nostalgically as you brush off loose charcoal off your paper.

“We can still do that.” He says unwaveringly. “When your strength returns to you I’ll take you up there. As I’ve done myself many times in the past.” His vibrant blue eyes hold a conviction that you admire so much about him. It's surely one of the reasons you’ve fallen in love with him. All you can do is smile a bit pitfully back at him “Keep your promise.”

Once you become bedridden he can not will his legs to leave your side. Only once the inconvenient pain of hunger or sleep pulls him away from your side. Although he can not bear to be in the room with you as you dictate your will and last testament to your royal advisor.

The next morning as he just barely got enough sleep, as he’s making his way to your bedroom he hears faint crying and fear just takes hold of his heart. His trembling knees almost give out at the sight of you lifeless on the bed, your attendants weeping besides you. His mouth dry, eyes wide with dread.

“She’s alive but she’s asleep…” the priest standing over your bedside says. “Nothing we do will wake her.”

Albedo stays by your side attentively the next few days. It's true nothing he does or gives to your body will wake you. There’s only the steady rise and fall of your chest and quiet breathing. The image of the princess’s most loyal guard resting at his knees beside your bed with his hand in yours, this image is forever stuck with the servants and remaining court who catch a glimpse of it behind your door.

“Are you sure about this Albedo?” Jean questions him with concern as she hands him his last supply bag. Albedo sits on top a sturdy horse, at the city’s gate, early in the morning when the sky is still a mix of orange and purple. The sun illuminating the back of the castle, casting a large shadow over the city. It could be the last time he ever sees his home, the last time he ever sees you. “Absolutely.” he answers the grand master.

This is not an aimless journey for Albedo. He has leads, names, places of interest that have ties to your family’s name. In the beginning he felt immensely guilty. You could have passed away one, two days after he left Mondstadt. He doesn't know how long he’ll be away from your side. He could return to a kingdom in disarray, a power vacuum left by your passing, he could return to see your name on the family tomb. He travels farther and farther. Past the neighboring kingdom Liyue. On a boat to Inazuma, where he watches the leaves fall and snow dust the ground. He’s quiet during this time and single track minded. He rarely interacts with the people living in the lands. Except for when he overhears your name or family's name spoken in a conversation. Then he stops said person and with an impassive expression demands they tell him more.

On a boat to Sumeru is where his next hunch takes him. As he counts the consolations in the night sky on the rocking ship, he finds his mind drifting back to you. When he sees a woman with your same hair color out of the corner of his eye, he thinks of you. When he sits at his campfire late at night, bathed in an orange glow and sketches, he thinks of you drawing at his side. When, with just the little tools and materials he carries on him, he’s able to transform one element to the next, he thinks of your face of innocent amazement as you applaud him for what he believes is a simple feat. Archons he misses the sound of your voice.

With nothing to show for his efforts in Sumeru he treks through the sweltering hot desert for Fontaine. Catching a small boat to the port he recalls a memory from your shared childhood. He remembers as children you two would talk about traveling to vast unknown lands when you were older. Now he has slain so many alien beasts, came face to face with ancient deities that have been around since the stars formed, he’s walked through lands that didn't even feel real, like he was walking through a dream. There’s now a deep white scar from his wrist to his elbow. He wonders if, no when, you see it will you scold him for being so reckless. He imagines you tenderly tracing the raised skin as you tell him to “please don't be so reckless for my sake”. He smiles. The only time he smiles is when he thinks of home or you.

He silently promises you that he’ll recount every adventure and monster slain to you when you’re awake.

By the time he reaches Snezhnaya the usual snow has melted, breathing spring into the once fridgen landscape. Outworldly Albedo looks defeated. His eyes are so tired. And he just misses you so much. He never thought his pursuit to awaken you from your endless sleep would take him so far from the city of freedom. He used to think himself so smart and capable. But even in Snezhnaya every written or spoken word of your family’s curse brings him no closer to the truth. No matter what god he begs to or monster he strikes down he still gets no answers. He recalls the court alchemist telling him “You’re a curious student Albedo. Your perseverance for the truth will lead you far in life.”

But now as Albedo sits at the far end of a dimly lit tavern, he feels like such a disappointment to you, to the one his heart yearns for. He should have told you he loved you. He should have told you so many months back. But at that time he was still coming to terms with what “love” really felt like.

If Albedo wasn’t so lost in thought he would have picked up how the tavern’s bard is singing an all too familiar song. Lyrics about a mysterious and silent knight who is on a quest to bring his beloved lover back to life. But Albedo’s mind is ruminating about the past.

It's only after the music has stopped and the boisterous tavern has quieted down does Albedo take his leave. Although once outside to the oddly soundless streets he hears a voice.

“You should return home loyal knight.” It's the bard that was singing inside the tavern. His dress and accent oddly Mondstadtan. “This act of love is enough to save her. I felt your devotion long before you arrived here.”

Yes…maybe it is time to return home.

His journey back home is heavy. As the spring turns into the hot and humid days of summer. But he is returning home empty handed. No real world proof that this curse is even real. I have failed the only person who has mattered to me the most. At this point Albedo desires nothing more than to let his dreary eyes close as he rests at your side, so he can at least tell you he loves you in your dream.

He’s grateful to see that Mondstadt still looks the same. The castle still stands in the distance. And as he nears the city he overhears the townsfolk speak of you as if you’re still asleep. So all my effort?...All my research?...What good was the pursuit of knowledge if it could not return to him the one he holds dear to his heart.

At least he can see you one last time.

As he arrives inside the castle's walls he sees a cluster of favonius knights huddled together, discussing something with vigor. And when a familiar face notices Albedo’s tired and weary figure, they spirit over to him.

The pure astonishment on his colleague's face is the only thing Albedo’s mind registers as the person word dumps onto him.

All Albedo catches through his hazy thoughts are

“It's you! You’ve really returned Kreideprinz.-”

“We thought you were-”

“-amazing! Just an hour ago-”

“-she asked for you. First word she said-”

And that’s all Albedo can hear as his feet move on their own to your room. Where all the castle’s attendants are congregating outside your bedroom door, weeping joyfully and thanking Barbados.

He pushes his way past the crowd and despite his disheveled appearance he’s recognized and allowed to enter.

He feels like he just stepped into a dream. A beautiful, idealized dream. There you, awake, standing, walking. Talking to one of your ladies before your eyes meet his. So much time has passed. What if you don't recognize him? What if you don’t remember him at all? His own voice caught in his throat as he watches you bring your hand over your mouth. And with pure disbelief in your voice “Albedo?” and that’s all he needed.

It's as if he’s moving through the haze of a romanticized storybook page, he runs toward you and takes you into his arms. He holds you like you might slip through his fingers at any moment. It's a dream, it must be. Maybe some ghastly creature killed him some time ago and this is celestia. He would happily embrace it.

“Albedo.” you call his name through a broken sob. It's tender, and it's all he wants to hear for the rest of his life, as hot tears roll down his cheek and disappear into your hair.

And for you? It's like walking straight into heaven, back into your knight’s arms. You’ve missed the touch of his blonde hair and the smell of his clothes. You dreamt about him, over and over again. Even through the endless darkness of your nightmare. Your heart clung to every precious memory with Albedo as if absolutely refusing to forget him.

He lets out a deep sigh as you can hear the smile in his quiet voice “This is a dream, I’m dreaming.” it’s whispered against your neck.

You let out a laugh and not even angels above could compare to the sound.

“I’m real Albedo. I’m right here.” You run your fingers through the loose strands of his hair. “I’m right here.” You prop your chin on his shoulder so he can hear you clearly. “And I love you.”

Ah you beat him to it

All throughout his life you’ve been a consist. You’ve remained by his side even when he’s pushed others away or neglected them.

Under normal circumstances Albedo would never be this brash but with your warm body under his fingertips he can’t think rationally anymore.

His lips find yours, and it's all passion and yearning. And a little clumsy, as it's both of your’s first kiss.

“I love you.” He can finally tell you as you are awake to repeat it back.

…..

Now, up on top Dragonspire peak, there lies a piece of paper, held down by four rocks on each corner. On the paper is a child’s drawing, depicting a girl wearing a crown and a boy wearing the royal guard seal. They are holding hands, standing triumphantly on top a mountain.

….

Oh and now instead of Mondstadtians telling stories of your family’s curse. Every mother tucking their children into bed, every old storyteller over a bonfire, is now recounting the story of a devoted silent knight, braving the seven corners of Teyvat, all to save his true love.

A/N: So when thinking of what situation to throw knight Albedo and princess reader in, I thought of childhood friends to lovers because it felt so natural. I don’t know, I could totally see Albedo falling for his childhood friend where one day when he’s older he just realizes “oh my god its you. Its always been you.” Thoma would make a great childhood friends to lovers now that I think about it lol. Also thinking about what foil to pit him against. I was thinking ok he’s a scientist. Let me pit him against something he can’t understand, something that can’t be solved with equations or facts, but only by the arbitrary logic of some ancient deity that casted a curse on you. And as a lover of Grimms and Anderson’s fairy tales this was fun to write.

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brambletakato · 9 months ago

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ok i havent drawn a lot so ill do a big artdump of some stuff i abandoned or at the very least wont finish for a long while (id in alt and story/thoughts below the image)

In a server that I'm in, we briefly talked about Descole hypothetically returning in NWOS and somebody mentioned he should bring Keats along. Inspiration struck and I drew this. I was hoping I could use Blender to make the buildings and whatnot, but I was intimidated by the task and ultimately ended up dropping the entire thing.

The building that Keats and Descole are on is… Meant to be a rough placeholder, I didn't mind redoing the entire thing but I wanted to at least have a vague idea before the entire draft slipped from my mind.

(More images in cut that are either old or kinda detached. also theres crossover stuff in there. be warned)

HAHA YOU CLICKED READ MORE NOW I CAN SHOW MY INSANITY. MWHAHAHA. MWHAHHAHAHAHAHA. ok so errm this is campaign des that i mentioned a few times and yes that is The Mario from The Paper Mario. I think about them so much and its a bit pathetic bc its like "you're overthinking a kid's mascot" ITS SO SILLY YOU DONT GET IT...

Oh right the doodle uhh so I was thinking about them and just drew a hypothetical scene for funsies, it didn't happen in roleplay (and also because I wanted to draw paper mario without a reference and see where that went). It's an ex-villain and struggling hero dynamic and i love it sm

Segments of a comic I drew for a friend in a super silly AU with dante from the limbus company hand on hip . Id get super embarrassed if i shared the details of the au because we kinda said "fuck it we ball" and made up stuff that shouldn't work at all lol. It's also why there's no text in the speech bubbles.

But the general gist of why I drew this is because we kept discussing a scenario where Descole has to fix up something in Dante's clockhead (vaguely inspired by that april fools episode) and i had a strong vision ab the comic. Also I had to make their head in blender because i was struggling with the perspective and wanted a flexible reference. First time drawing something not made out of flesh fur or fabric!! had a blast rendering the fire and the shine though. SUPER fun super recommend

I just like this little doodle,,, the expression vaguely reminds me of a ghibli villain and it scratches my brain. im expecting him to move on twos at 24 fps very subtly at any moment now.

And finally... um... yeah. "draw a character in this pose" sort of beat. sometimes I alternate using the sketchbook and marker pens in firealpaca and this is one of my rare marker doodles. Also this is pretty old afaik but i still think about it sometimes

happy sycamore sunday (even though hes not anywhere to be seen in these doodles)

#brambledrewagain #jean descole #campaign des

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gootube · 7 months ago

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table of incidents - dissecting julie

text transcript + notes below :3

text reads:

A TABLE OF INCIDENTS

"a recurring dream,

the surrounding universe

a theater scene,

on every text page

Two secret lovers

died in a mutual embrace."

"The phone rang.

He's not in at the moment.

Can you tell him to call me back?

Yes. Sure.

Also, please tell him

I'm not mad at him anymore."

"the Kafkaesque hero

kills his double.

It's not a violent death.

on stage

He approaches his confused pal

informed them about killing himself

in his dream.

That does not work, that's clear.

God will not allow it."

play's script."

"The officers are putting a c offin into a

through an open drawer

Do you understand?

the actor's freedom

as it is shown

on the

end transcript

"Everything is different.

The world itself has no logic whatsoever.

un dessin parfait."

ok so i started this just drawing julie autopsy then i went insane -- i cut up a viewer's guide and another info booklet i got from a franz kafka inspired art museum/installation i visited in prague that freaked my bean. i thought it was pretty cool and it hurt cutting it up for the first time but then i realized im not really ever gonna re-read it so might as well. im happy with how it turned out and it was really fun having sentences click together in my head like lego bricks and immediately going to cut them out

i also remembered how hellish it is to work with liquid glue- hopefully you can't see it in the pictures but a lot of the papers are so lumpy because of the glue. eventually i remembered how i used to properly use the glue (get a small puddle of it on paper and wipe the backs of paper on it THEN paste it down) and it was really fun

i started this before eating breakfast but then i got carried away and...never ate breakfast and ended up having to eat dinner KALKLADKLKJFA this is bad. dont be like me. this was bad. but i could NOT stop or i would not go back to it

the fucking flower stickers would NOT stick probably because i used oil pastel on his insides. i used prismacolor pencils for the rest of him. ummmm the map behind him is a map of munich i got when i went there on my school trip. i liked getting an art use out of my old keepsakes, because usually theyd just collect dust and never be looked at again lol

tl;dr i had fun hope you like

#idk if this counts as writing bc i just snipped together pieces and sentences from an existing booklet. but ummm #traditional #writing #ocs #julian #art #collage #ask to tag #gore tw #?#let me know if this needs additional content warnings #this was really hard to photograph lol #if i remember to do so ill try and scan it and see if it looks any better?#best

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306saint · 1 year ago

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I absolutely adore your trash tarot deck! What inspired you? How'd you begin? What materials do you use? I am so inspired to create my own. Is this alright??

thank you so much that means a lot!! it is absolutely ok for you to make your own tarot deck.

i'm not the first person to do this kind of thing -- i saw a couple of different versions of collage tarot decks which stuck with me and inspired me to make my own. there's these 2 tiktoks with people adhering more closely to the "trash tarot" theme: https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSN6Vt7GN/ and https://vt.tiktok.com/ZSN6VvwUC/ and also this deck by a collagist/multimedia artist: https://twitter.com/FrogboiArt/status/1681076700568756226

there are a bunch of decks out there which you can draw inspiration from. as for where i started, i kind of just had the idea for the six of pentacles (gum packet with pink labelling stickers) and went from there. just go where your ideas take u honestly.

more info under the cut

in terms of how i make them, i take some stock paper and use a tarot card to trace 2 tarot-card-rectangles on to it, next to each other with the long side connected. then i cut it out, fold it in half down the centre line and glue the sides together. i like to stick it under a stack of heavy book so it dries properly. then i round out the edges with scissors nd voila u have the base of a tarot card!!

i get the materials to make the collage from: old magazines, textbooks, artbooks, informative books with diagrams etc, labels, packaging, and receipts. certain things are printed out (disco elysium gunmen and eli sunday fanart lol). use whatever u want!

i tried a couple of approaches to pick the design of the cards. one was researching the meanings/histories of the card. i found out that when tarot cards had more explicitly christian imagery, judas was on the hanged man card, so i put him on the hanged man ((im not christian lol i just think its interesting))).

another was doing more satirical/subversive? designs of the cards. eg strength usually has a woman overpowering a lion and i saw the image for my strength card and thought it would be funny if it were the opposite way around. the emperor card is an image of someone giving a speech at the UN, which i found in a politics textbook, with the speaker coloured over.

another was just looking at what i had and trying to make something out of it. i was finding way more guns than swords or blades for my suit of swords, so i decided for my suit of swords to just be any weapons.

i wrote a lot . anyway i hope this helps sorry if it makes 0 sense

#asks #tarot

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nerves-nebula · 2 years ago

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Idk about your intentions, and feel free to ignore me if I’m wrong, but Mikey sounds like a maladaptive daydreamer lol.

Just some background, maladaptive daydreamers use these huge fictional worlds called paracosms to escape reality. Some people do it because of anxiety or stress, but some do it as like a coping mechanism (which is how I’d see Mikey doing it based on your dissociation post) People with maladaptive daydreaming can stim while doing it, like rocking back and forth, pacing, etc, but some can master the art of being able to sit still and just daydream whenever. There’s almost an addictive aspect to it, and a lot of daydreamers have to take adhd or anxiety meds to shake it

Would Mikey stim at first but learn to stay still after Splinter lectured him too many times? Would his paracosm be the book that he’s writing about killing splinter? Idk feel free to look at this like I’m crazy but this subject is very close to my heart as I’m a daydreamer myself.

OK SO like. I don't know. and I don't know if Mikey has maladaptive daydreaming for a specific reason.

That being that I'm basing him on myself. I spent a lot (AND I DO MEAN A LOT) of my time in my head as a kid. I don't really know what a paracosm is so I'm not sure if I was exploring within them. but there are huge chunks of my childhood i really only remember via the emotional exploration I was doing inside these fictional worlds. Like most of puberty for me was just imagining gay fictional gods and forbidden love and abuse and violence and at all that. and it's hard for me to tell if that was a bad thing because it's linked to a very integral part of my personality- that being the desire to tell and experience stories.

I was always dragging around paper and pencils to draw these imagined worlds. But i was also often just sitting with my eyes closed (or sometimes opened, but closed if I wanted to really focus)

if I was painfully bored, or very anxious (which happened often, basically any time i was outside the house or not watching tv or playing a game) I would do this. If I was stuck in a car or a room while my siblings were fighting violently, I would force myself to try to only think about my characters. If the talk radio host was getting on my nerves I would try to drown him out by thinking about my characters going through their worlds and getting in fights and having sex and all that stuff.

this got even better (or worse, considering how you think of it) once I got earbuds/headphones and access to my cousins old ipod. I was finally able to fully block out the world and only, ONLY ever think of my stories. just how I'd always wanted.

and sure, I was always kind of spacey, but even when I wasn't thinking of stories and art I was bad at paying attention the way adults liked. I think adults liked me more when I was just sitting there thinking anyway, instead of being hyper and then having an emotional breakdown when i realize they thought I was annoying.

There was a particularly vibrant time for daydreaming around puberty where i had dozens if not around a hundred different intricate stories that I started to overlap, just because. And I'd go through them over and over, adding or changing little things, making up reasons that the characters would all end up living in the same bunker or fighting the same enemy. making up reasons for the god of war and his little lamb prince to be torn apart. making up reasons for them to attack each other. then forcing them back together through all the trauma.

and recalling these spaces makes me kind of shiver because they're almost like real memories to me. I remember thinking of these scenarios more than I remember my real life around 11-12 years old. And i think that's largely because after I got my blackbelt at around 11 years old, my parents let me quit karate, and didn't force me to do any more sports or anything. So for the most part I legit never left the house. My entire life was in these stories and in my art.

I really only stopped doing this once I got sent off to high school at around 13-14 and was basically FORCED to participate in the real world more.

but I did that all on purpose. i was bored, and i hated other kids because they never clicked with me. and it never seemed to interrupt my life in a way that my parents noticed or cared about. in fact it was the only thing that kept me from being actively suicidal for a while there!

so like. i don't know man. i don't know.

#nnstuff #ask #tmnt mikey #maladaptive daydreaming #i havent thought about those worlds in years #its surprising how few of them i still maintain considering they were all i had for years #personal

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crisppclick · 3 months ago

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My Oc's!!

Hello, my lovely people. It is coming to the end of my holidays, and I need to post as many things as I can.

And I'm gonna start with a few of my Oc's. (Specifically my favourite ones.)

One thing about me is that, I imagine alot about stuff, try to get it on paper, then struggle and or give up to actually show my work.

But this also changes now; if I'm gonna start getting any way, it's by expanding my branches (they said lying).

<This may include some sensitive topics, so just be careful as you read

So, yeah ! If you care at all, here they are:

Meet Noa

This is the pegasus that ppl have most and only heard about (and even at that, not a lot), and they are my favourite.

They're missing an eye and half an ear and has alot of burn marks of the left side of her body.

They're the twin sister of ubercorn, Ex- military (now works alsong side Ubercorn at GJA), and a very traumatised individual.

Them and Ubercorn got separated in an unforgettable civil war in their homeland at a young age, and that is all you need to know for now. (If you do want more rough context, I'm pretty sure you know my account on wattpad [crisppclick]. There is a four chapter book called World of tomorrow, which I'm not updating any more :P)

They are non binary and Aro/Ace.

Think of them as rainbow dash, just much more matured.

I have had this Oc for so long, but I still can not decide on the frickity fracking hair style. So if I do end up drawing them more in the future, expect to see some changes.

Meet Kee-Kee

Fuck yeah; tired masc lesbain coming thru.

She loves to rought it up. Which I don't blame her for since she was brought up in such a household ( something to note of the side: she was the oldest to about 7 other siblings). Unfortunately, I love to make my character's mentally unstable.

Her dad, knowing the dangers of the wider world, trained her physically (and mentally) to prepare for any challenge. Kee-Kee was born with a deficit, which made it very difficult to lose weight. Because it was the olden days, her dad didn't understand this, and he would beat her because she wasn't "hard enough." Her loving mother protested against her father's ways, which began to teat their marriage apart.

Her father left. And left them with very little. Soon, she and the siblings that were old enough had to take care of a sick mother and younger siblings who couldn't fend for themselves. A hard knock life indeed.

And Kee-Kee, started to blame it all on herself. She talked to her mother about it. And it took a little word in her ear that she could do anything, despite of what ever her father did to her. So with the support of her remaining family, she was about to start a business, a very small cute one, but still a business (TO THIS DAY, I have no clue what business, so like, use ur imaginations ig)

Her business got her family up and running and she was able to get medications for her mother to start recovering; happy days, happy ending.

Until the civil war (LMAOOO, MORE DESTRUCTION MUHHAHAA.)

Because she grew up a big house, she quite the strong big sis figure. Think of her like Apple Jack, but a drag king; a lot of my oc's are based on other TV shows, lol.

Meet Pip

He's quite recent oc actually! And crucial one in an au, (I'll talk about it in future).

He's just a small baby. Found infront of a river bank. They thought he's just a cute weird looking ram, hit there is much much more to him than that.... cue ominous music

Uhm— yeah, I think that's pretty much it to Pip at this moment, erm. Yeah 👍

And uhmm, that's also it for all the ocs I'll show at the moment !

Maybe I should talk about where all these guys come from in my next post.

Ok bye.

#The last bit got very lazy...#oh well #anyways #Go jetters #xuli #kyan #lars #foz #ubercorn #glitch #Noa #Kee-Kee #Pip #Ocs

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daz4i · 9 months ago

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ok now i'm gonna be emotional under the cut probably (mentions of suicide but it's not negative. just verbalizing thoughts i had throughout today 🤔)

so many ppl sent me messages today, many in my family sent me direct ones which is rare too - most of them just send it in the groupchats - so they put in the extra effort to make it more personal and less like they're just going with everyone else

and like right on midnight i immediately got beautiful messages from 3 of my besties, and ofc lots of birthdays wishes from mutuals and friends on a discord sever, so many people putting in effort and so fast too. my niece and nephew made drawings especially for me and my niece insisted on cutting paper in half so she could draw even more things and they made me a goodie bag with little gifts and such too. like even the kids put in a lot of effort

but what really gets me is multiple people telling me they're glad i'm alive and they hope to celebrate more birthdays with me, and people in my family wishing for me to have a better future specifically, and people saying they love me and-

it feels very surreal. dgmw i am very touched. as a person who, well, is not the biggest fan of life, and very much did not plan to get to the age of 25, it feels. weird.

birthdays are always a hard time because of that ajdkflglh ever since i was a teen really, i always become even more suicidal on the days leading up to it, like some sense of "i won't reach [age]. i can't. i shouldn't" and as you can tell it did not go further than that lol. i think i end up crying or having a major breakdown p much on every birthday, up until maybe the last 2 (as in, 24 and 25) bc it always feels like i lost, failed in achieving my ultimate goal

and. i guess. seeing this much love, that i didn't expect but i know is there even when it's not verbally expressed. makes it feel less like losing? i can't name what it does feel like - i'm not well versed in positive emotions lol - but it's not negative that's for sure. except maybe it starts being distressing bc i don't understand it :P but that's a me issue hehe.

and. i don't want to live for other people. i have gone past the point of "mom would be sad" years ago. which i think is why it feels so weird. bc it does feel nice, to know people are happy that i'm alive, and that they genuinely want me to be happy, even when i don't

even when I'm thinking "god i'm already this old and haven't achieved anything in my entire life". these people don't care about that. that's why they wish for a better future. what i achieved, to them, is being a kind person i think

idk how to finish this ajdkflg like i said i'm just putting thoughts in words. and crying bc now my bday is over so i can do it without feeling like i failed at some unspoken goal. i always say i'm not good at love, and that goes for being loved too, i feel like a deer in the headlights lol 😭 but it's okay. idk if i'll ever get used to it or learn how to actually accept it rather than just pretend i do, but maybe i don't need to know?

#vent #but a positive one. i think #sorry. ok i'm going to sleep now. maybe. hopefully

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moon-megami · 9 months ago

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New Neurologist

Today I had a very inconvenient auto-rescheduled neurologist follow up appointment. I've only seen the actual Neurologist once, but he didn't find anything 'wrong' with me other than "it's probably migranes", so I got shuffled off to one of his nurse practitioners. This time I got a new one since the old one was no longer there. If anything, the old NP was passionate and caring, which helped. But she was mostly making sure the headache that likes to shatter the base of my skull hasn't came back and that I'm using my CPAP. I've been using 500mg of Magnesium to keep that skull-shattering pain away, and it's working. No one is going to pry that supplement out of my cold dead hands.

She starts out with the broad question "How are you?". A loaded question for someone who has a thousand problems. How am I? For which part of me? I could only muster up that my POTS was acting up because I got a stomach bug last week and my body hasn't caught up. I could kinda tell she didn't really 'follow', not a great sign. I felt slightly dizzy when standing yesterday, I had to use the scooter at the store to get myself a birthday present. She looked at my BP and just said "It's normal". No shit shirlock.

She steers the conversation to my headaches. My regular GP gave me Topimax at the beginning of January to try, but I was really weary of the side effects. I had finally eluded to him the fact I was smelling and tasting cigarette smoke out my nose and it had gotten worse and worse since August (I experienced phantom smells for at least 7+ years), so he gave me a low dose of 25mg Topimax because it could be a migraine aura. Checks out I guess. I've always known I have painless headaches or at least non-conventional headaches. About a week ago I finally noticed the effects and the smell is mostly gone. But the brain fog is still there.

The brain fog. I've always had brain fog since I've been diagnosed with POTS and Dysautonomia 13 years ago. I was 22 when all my issues started. But recently, around August or so (along with the phantom smell), it has gotten so much worse. So much so, that I can barely do my job. I'm a web programmer, and I need my brain to work. I need to be able to write more than a few lines of code a day, and yet, lately, that's all I can muster. Following a few trains of thought has been hard for me the past few months. This is a different beast of brain fog. As I sit there pouring this out to my new NP, tears roll down my cheeks. She asks me if I'm "sure" it just didn't start happening with Topimax (because one of the side effects is cognitive decline and brain fog). I reiterated to her, no, definitely not. If only I could show her my git history, hah.

She says "Let's take a little test". She gets up and brings back a paper, saying it's a memory test or whatever. I thought to myself, ok, this is easy. I don't like being put on the spot but I put my best effort face on anyway. She gave me 5 words to remember at the start of the test. Easy. She put a timer on one minute and told me to list as many animals I can think of. Sure.

"Cat, fish, chicken, dog, ... bird ... lion .. giraffe ....... cat ....." before I knew it, the timer was going off and I was sitting there in a ball pulling my hair out practically. Ugh. Failed that one miserably. I've always been bad at pulling things out of my ass. Go ahead, ask me where anything is. I know exactly where it is, but don't get the word "dresser" out of me when I tell you "its on the thingy over there".

Next was a few math problems, took me longer to answer but I think i was still riled up from the last question. After that I had to repeat back numbers backwards in increasing length, easy.

Next, I had to put an X on the triangle. She hands me the paper. I go straight for the square and mark it and she's like "No... that's the square." FUCK. "oh.. uh.. oh yeah the triangle lol haha". She then tells me to draw the hands of the clock "ten til eleven". I re-read the sentence next to the clock to make sure I understood and drew the clock, perfect, yep.

Next she read me a short story at the bottom of a paper and I answer all the details she asked for after. At the end she asks me for the words at the begining of the test.

Oh yeah. Those.

2 of them I was certain of. Pen and Tie. 2 I wasn't sure but I tried to remember her gestures at the time, Ball and Shirt, surely. The other was a mystery.

She takes the paper and totals the score. She had a slight downturn in her smile as she looked at the answers and the score. She says to me "Perhaps we should refer you to a center for further evaluation.". I asked her what I scored, out of curiosity. She forced a smile and scooted her chair closer to me. I know a polite blow when I see one, and it was coming. "Well... I expected a little higher score for someone your age and education level". There is is. Boom.

I asked her what I scored and what I missed. She said I got a 20/30, which doesn't mean much to me. But apparently, I only remembered 2/5 words, and missed all the number backward questions except for the 2-digit one, she seemed to have forgiven me for the triangle mistake. I drew the clock wrong. WAIT. I DREW THE CLOCK WRONG? Damn, I'm really stupid. Yeah, I drew it as 11:55 and not 11:50. All I had to do was draw a straight line with 2 arrows. Ugh. At least I got all the details in the story right.

So she wrote up some labs I have to go get now, told me to stop taking Topimax, and wrote me a prescription for Qulipta, which, as you know, is a very expensive medication. CBC, TSH, Total T4, B1, B12, Folate, D 25 hydroxy. All will come back normal I'm sure, I've had most of them checked recently anyway. And that referral, which will probably also take months to hear back from. In the car, I was mad at myself and a little sad. What did the test mean for me? I have always had... difficulties in some departments. I know I had learning difficulties, but I've always conquered them. I have never let it define me or interfere with my successes.

As soon as I got home, I wrote my GP an email through my portal explaining that she wanted me to stop taking the Topimax and start Qulipta, and about my test result. I had mentioned the crippling brain fog to him on my last visit too.

He wrote back in the evening, I assume after all his patients for the day. The tone of his correspondence came off to me as slightly spiteful, and I don't know how I feel about it. I've been building up a great rapport with him for 4 years, trusting him with more and more of my symptoms as I went along, him listening to just about every one of them and offering is best knowledge.

"I only have experience with Topimax and not Qulipta, but it seems like they have convinced your insurance to cough up the money for the expensive drug by using your cognitive test to justify taking you off Topiramate."

So was I just... used? Was all that test for was to get a kickback for a drug? It didn't feel like it, surely she wouldn't have bothered with ordering all the labs and that referral for further testing to a completely unrelated center? Talk about knocking me down a few inches more, to how already diminished I was feeling earlier today after my appointment. I feel mad and betrayed, but did he really mean it the way I am taking it? Was he mad I went against his own recommendations?

Again my closest friend is no help, he tries to comfort saying he'd score the same as me. From my quick Google search, and I do mean quick, because I didn't want to scare myself, 'normal' educated people my age don't score that low, even if they try. I don't tell my husband because I don't want him to worry, he has anxiety and worries too much. I only tell him things I am certain about. I don't know what to do with myself but type what I feel here and cry.

I guess that's the point of a blog.

#health #neurodivergent #neurology #mental health #pots #dysautonomia #brain fog

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insecateur · 2 years ago

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I would like to see your illustration process🎨🖌

okay anon !! i will try my best to explain sorry if it's bad or nonsensical 🥲 also will include a cut bc long + pictures

SO this varies from drawing to drawing bc i have different styles n methods depending on my mood among other things... like for example the process between this and this or something like my latest comic is completely different.

usually i start by getting an idea (OBVIOUSLY!!!) sometimes i just start with something rly vague, sometimes i think about it for a while, and sometimes i even do thumbnails... i will use one such example for a more thorough look at the Process i think!

so, for these i actually doodled thumbnails on the note app on my phone... i used to do this on paper also but phone works surprisingly ok to just get a pose/vibe down. so it looked like that:

you can see... the vibes. using these as a base i'll draw rough sketches on the computer, like this:

which i can then refine them further into nicer, cleaner sketches (i usually do this for bigger illustrations like that, or comics):

then i line . note i usually color the lines after i've put flat colors so please ignore that lmao:

then i do flat colors, color the lines, and do shading/highlights etc. usually i use multiply and overlay respectively for this type of illustrations:

then i do the details (snow, dust, the titles...) and add a preliminary overlay that i'm probably going to play with in the next step (please pretend that i didn't forget to up the opacity for the background of the second illus earlier i'm too lazy to retake screenshots):

AND THEN i switch to my shitty old photoshop and do last minute edits, play with the colors/contrast, add textures, etc.

final results!!! yayyyyy🎉

that's basically my process for illustrations like that. for simpler stuff i'll go with the flow a little more... like for example the afterimage art i did the shading with my own colors and lysandre actually isn't even fully drawn (altho there's probably more of him drawn than you'd expect LOL):

ummm there we go idk if that was interesting or not . maybe i'll record myself drawing again sometimes, i haven't done it in years 😪

#la réponse d #samart #<-i guess i can use this tag here too...

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archenemyintellegence · 2 years ago

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Swan Lake (22/11/2019)

Found an old drawing and I still enjoy it. I did this for a homework, which required us to draw a poster for Swan Lake.

The teacher brought us to watch the ballet on a Sunday afternoon. Unfortunately, things were wild back then. There was a heated protest that time and the show was cancelled halfway due to the protest. Personally I don't mind the protest because having the people to talk about problems in the society is much better than the dictatorship we're experiencing. But because the teacher cannot arrange another show for us, we're faced with one small problem, HOW WERE WE GOING TO WRITE A REPORT ABOUT THE SHOW WHEN I NEVER WATCHED THE FULL SHOW? Luckily, there are plenty of recordings of Swan Lake online so I watched those and finish my report. However, I have zero memory of whats going on in the show so I have nothing to say about it💀

For the poster, idek where the idea of drawing ok a black paper came from. I never worked on a black paper but the idea of drawing on it popped in my mind one night and I went out to bought the paper. Then I just magically draw this. I had little drawing experience back then because I oppressed myself. The decision of using color pencil is not because I was good at it. Its just because of me not knowing to draw with other materials and I believe color pencils is the closest thing to pencil 💀 Also I have zero idea how can I drew the text below. I just believed that I can do it, and I did it. Maybe I'm born with some talent in drawing lol. I remember that my family was really surprised that I can draw something like that, in one take under an hour. I am so magical 😃✨💫

#swan lake #art #my art #color pencil art #traditional art

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david-watts · 2 years ago

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hi hi! list five things that make you happy, then put this is the askbox of the last ten people who reblogged something from you! spread the happiness and positivity! <3

oooh ok hi! I haven't done one of these in what feels like ages

having my own room like it's nowhere near done and all my stuff's in boxes and there's still 200kg+ of paper still in here that I am terrified of and I know I have to move probably tomorrow and everyone keeps forgetting the very specific room arrangement that has to go on because of the room and the furniture and all that but. I don't have to put up with snoring anymore

drawing because well. it's one of my earliest loves. I still vividly remember when my cousin was drawing a parrot and we were at my great-grandmother's place eating chinese takeaway and then and there I decided that I was gonna be good at art too

old things! I have this ugly chocolate brown little jug I got from the op shop the other day because my m*ther was looking at blinds in a shop I don't want to set foot in for very weird reasons and I love it. I have pens in it. I'm gonna keep paintbrushes in an old juice tin. I'm gonna use an old hymn board as a noticeboard for myself. hell the newest bit of furniture in my room will be from the 1970s (my desk, built by my m*ther and grandpa) and my bed is at least 109 years old and had at least one person die in it. not to mention my... apparently now extensive record collection (considering I've been collecting for five years and my dad has specifically given me money to buy records before... yeah. I've been moving them and I understand why that one guy said they were a pain in the ass to)

my soups... ok I can't really call them 'my' soups because they're packet soup kits that I just do my own spin with (aka adding so many mushrooms. and too much meat but my god the amount of mushrooms I use lol) but they're so good they give me so much will to live and agh! I genuinely can't wait for the march and june long weekends (well I hope the june one still happens. it's been a staple for so long and I look forward to it as an anchor point) so I can make those soups up and spend some time eating that and chips and watching the things I always do at that time of year. on a similar note, I really want to get sushi from the very expensive place in town but I can't afford to :/

mademoiselle dog... I love her. she's been coming in for cuddles now (probably because she loves my rug and I don't blame her it's such a nice texture) and my god she's so wonderful

thanks for asking!! finding actual happiness and/or joy in things lately has been. uh. tough. for multiple reasons outside of having episodes (in both types too, since I've mostly been angrier instead of overly happy) but y'know. if I can find five things it can't be that bad

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multifandomwriter18 · 3 years ago

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“If only I could hear your voice” Chatnoir x Reader || PART 2

A/n: alright so this was months overdue, to be completely honest I totally forgot about it and I don’t really use my iPod that much anymore LOL

On that note! ITS MY BIRTHDAY!!! Ya boi turned 20 today!!! I feel old lol

Anyways here’s part 2 since y’all been waiting for a while for. I’m really sorry about not being active on here. Life’s been rough...ANYWAYS HOPE YALL ENJOY IT!!!

Things you need to know

Y/N: your name

L/N: last name

H/C: hair colour

H/L: hair length

E/C: eye colour

S/C: skin colour

F/F: favourite flower

F/C: favourite colour

Symbol to play music:

(🎵☑️)

When you see this! That means play!

My chest ached, like someone just dropped weights on me. My lungs burned like they were on fire.

My breath hitched as a hiccuped a little and coughed too. I groaned softly as I rubbed my now red and swollen eyes. I sighed and wiped my eyes trying to run away the redness.

I curled up in a bawl and cried a softly into my pillows. I didn't ask for this to happen to me..

Why can't people like me for me?

(🎵☑️)

I froze when I felt a weird vibe.

I caught a scent of sweet cologne that had such a scent..almost drugging..

I sat up from my pillow and turned to see the one and only Chat Noir. His green eyes burn in my (e/c) ones.

"Hello M'Lady, I hope you don't mind that I stopped by."

I stayed froze as I watched the silk cat hero walk around my room. "(Y/n)..what happened here..why is.." He trailed off as he walked to my trash can and picked up my sketch book.

I clenched my hands tightly on to one of my pillows I had against my chest to my chest.

He looked at me and gave me a sad smile that made my heart nearly break even more.

I looked away pressing my cheek into the pillow I was hold. I heard him sigh as he walked to the where all my music stuff was scattered.

He knelt down and let out a sigh. "You make songs.." I ran over and-I didnt mean to shove him I just didn't want anything I wrote to be seen.

I gathered it all up and shoved it all under my bed. Chat looked at me but I couldn't look at him.

I made sure my (h/l) (h/c) hair covered my now teary (e/c) eyes.

I heard rustling of paper and when I looked up I see Chatvadverting his green orbs away from mine as his hand was extended towards me.

In his claw like hand he hand a sheet of paper. When I looked at it realized it was the drawing I did of him and I..

The one I had written a little song about him.

"This belongs to you I think..I..it's a beautiful drawing M'Lady..I.."

I shook my head and grabbed his hand gently on his chest. He looked at me and I looked away.

I want him to have it..

He sighed as he held the drawing close. "I'm sorry..maybe I shouldn't have come.." I clenched my jaw as I watched him open up my window to my balcony.

My chest squeezed and I ran fast grabbing his arm. He looked at me as I had tears in my eyes.

Please don't leave me..

I'm guessing he got the message because before I could sink to me knees and cry I was already in his arms.

He strokes my (h/c) hair as he muttered soft words making my heart flutter.

I held him close as I hiccuped and cried. When I felt as if I was done I pulled my head away and mouthed 'I'm sorry..'

He smiled and cupped my cheek so my (e/c) eyes met his beautiful green orbs. "It's ok..I..."

His thumb stroked my cheek as he rested his forehead against mine. His other hand intertwined with mine. "If only I could here your voice.."

When he pulled his head away his eyes searched mine. "You have such beautiful eyes..the perfect shade of (e/c) just like..

(If your eyes a blue then he says like the colour of the ocean. If Green or like a hazel colour then he'll say like the colours of lush green trees. If your eyes are a brown then a he'd say like the sweet Belgium chocolate.. If he said grey then he'd say.. Like the soft clouds the blow through the sky you guys get it now? If confused comment.)

I stared at him as I small smile formed on my lips. 'Thank you..' I mouthed and his eyes instantly looked at my lips.

Did he want to kiss me?

My breath hitched and my heart fluttered just thinking about it.

Slowly and hesitately he first softly brushed his soft lips against mine. I closed my eyes enjoying how they felt. Even if it was for a second of taste..

He pulled away again as his finger like claw brushed a lock of my (h/c) hair behind my ear.

Then with more pressure he pressed his lips against mine again. Slowly I kissed back resting my hands on his chest. His lips were amazing..soft and tender..the kiss was sweet and soft..

It took my breath away...

When we pulled away we both take in a small breath. I felt my (s/c) cheeks get hot and he smiled again.

I smiled back as his eyes brighten. "There we go..that beautiful smile is what I love to see..."

I looked at him and he rested a hand on my cheek. "You so purrfect M'Lady..such purrfection.."

I shuddered my shoulders and giggled. Well not really since..well since I lost my voice.

He chuckled and kissed my cheek softly. I closed my eyes enjoying the feeling of his lips on my (s/c) cheeks.

His hands intertwined with mine and he smiled. I smiled back and then his ring started to beep.

"Ah..I have to go."

I frowned and he sighed looking at me. "I promise I'll see you again..my beautiful angel.."

I smiled as tears formed in my eyes again. He kissed me one last time before slipping through my window and jumping off my balcony and off down the street. I watched him go as my hear pounded.

See you later Chat..

My one and only hero..

My one and only Kitty Cat...

I closed the window and laid back on my bed hunching over I grabbed my music notes and sketch book as began to draw..

PART TWO IS FINALLY DONE! I hope you all like it!!!

Again. I do apologize for the long wait to write and staying active here on tumblr. Work has been busy, I’ve been literally working over 12hr shifts so it hasn’t been easy.

I’ll try to post more sooner or later once I find the time to do so. Thanks for all the support, likes and reads. I really appreciate it y’all!

Love y’all, stay safe and have a wonderful day❤️

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pelibirdie · 2 years ago

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I have.....a request!

I highly doubt Elowen wanted to be a badass criminal when she was younger so she's talking to MC and she lets it slip that her dream as a kid was to be, like, a businesswoman or something idk and she thinks nothing of it but MC is now DETERMINED to make her dreams come true

Or at least try lol

Also I promise I will do your request, college is just hard to settle into!

Author's note: Oooh ok ok let's see, I've been reading metamorphosis and let me tell you it's taling me so much willpower to finish this book. Ive finished tragedies but capitalism is where I draw the line it seems

Elowen never imagined she'd end up like this. Two swords in her hand, dressed in all black, hunting down bounties and doing commissions for random people. Of course the income was more than enough with the way she was working, but if you had told her that she'd be a sellsword years ago...she would have brushed you off without a thought.

It was a hard few years, she'd admit. As a child, sons and daughters of merchants passed through the streets of Vair; clothes from exquisite foreign fabrics, books they held had weight to them, the tiny paper bags they had on a weekly basis held candy Elowen could only get in a month. By no means Elowen was poor, they had only majorly stuggled when her and Lucan's parents had passed away. But she wanted to be like those children. She wanted to be one of the kinds who didn't play with cheap wood swords, but those made from elm trees. To have those hard cover books and to be able to afford to go to every play. To get those candies for Lucan and to gift her mom and dad nice things. If you had asked her, years ago before her life turned upside down, Elowen would tell you: "I'm going to be a merchant." She wasn't bad at finances or doing the math. Everyone knew that she was also clever and studious. But whatever the goddess had planned for her, it definitely wasn’t being a merchant.

It has been a few months since Elowen joined your side. After hearing of cultist activity, you and Elowen decided to investigate the empty theatre for clues. Her boots clicked on the emty stage, tens and hundreds of red-velveted seats were facing her. Little daylight remained from the closed area of the theatre, it was your illuminating magic that made some things easier to see. Dusting the cushioned seat, you looked up at Elowen. "You look like you're about to recite something from a play." You chuckled. "What makes you say that?" Elowen replied, amusement in her voice. "Do you want me to?" She asked. You stopped for a moment, taking a seat. "By all means Miss Bhaldraithe. "

Elowen took a deep breath in, eyeing a lounge covered in velvet curtains. Burgundy patterns on red fabric, gold rimmed balconies and the light from the glass window at the ceiling lightly illuminating her.

"It’s not that desire for thw beauty that haunts me. No paintings, no dishes of a foreign land. But in this system I stand, baffled and helpless, alone as every being and crying for bread. Luxuries poured down throats of nobles as my brothers starve. Our luxury is bread, meat, the desert we wish for is the jam the old ladies make and the home we call are people but a stone castle. I am not afaid of asking for my right. Neither are my home."

"Whoa." You clapped Elowen. "Who knew you could recite such a long line? Which play was it from??" Elowen lightly smiled at you. "Home of Stone and Flesh. It's one I discovered in my late teen years, the play is essentially about how there is an unimagineable economic injustice and how there is this woman who works day and night to nurture her mother. A very touching story, might I add." Elowen looked proud, it really did seem like something she would like. A deep story with tragedy.

"That place." Elowen pointed towards the fancy balcony seats. "That is where merchants used to watch plays. I wanted to be one, to gain money and get nice things. I wasn’t too poor but we did stuggle from time to time." Elowen looked at you. Your mouth agape, you stared at her. "I'm telling you this because I trust you. Some people called my desire to be a merchant lame but to be honest, is it really lame if you're doing your work on a fancy wood tesk with coffee from another part of that world?" "No I gotta give that to you. Being rich is a desireable thing, after all. But, if you wanted to be a merchant why become a sellsword? There are a lot of opportunities and I know not everyone can get to do what they like but...you just seem the type of person to get what you want." You took the hamd Elowen extended towards you, stepping onto the wood stage, and admiring the view. "Things changed too quickly before I could catch up to it. Lucan wished to be in Porrima, and I wished to stay in Vair. In the end, it was not in Night Mother's plan it seems. I can still get what I want. But I do not resent my current life either." Elowen shrugged. On her way to fins clues for the cultist activities. "Come on, let’s finish this work before I got too nostalgic. " You smiled and went after her.

The search was done before midnight. With a few leftover objects of a spell and the drawn copy of a sigil, the two of you left for Fathom. Elowen sat on the couch. Bouncing her leg with a cup of coffee in her hand. Did she really make a wise desicion by telling you this? Did you aslo think it was a boring life she’d lead if she were a merchant or maybe never even get to be rich in a system where everyone ate each other up? The distant bickering od Sage and Anisa in the other room already made it hard to focus, and feeling the cushions sink next to her broke it off completely. "Hey." You said. "MC? What do I owe this visit for?" Elowen had her poker face on again. "Hoping I didn't interrupt your thinking, I came here with a proposal." Elowen listened in silence. "Come to Earth with me."

Elowen stopped, almost choking on her coffee as drops of the brown liquid fell on the floor. "Excuse me??" "Well you see, it’s easier to become a 'merchant' on Earth. The process may be complicated for you bc you will have to learn how to use technologies of Earth. And you will get the chance to start over if you'd like. It's just a suggestion though! No pressure. Who knows I mean maybe you will like Earth and you can travel back if we find a way and-" "thank you, MC." Elowen said. "Huh-" "thank you. I dont really have a problem with Astrea but I'll maybe consider. No one really offered solutions to me so this was a first." Elowen took a sip from her coffee.

"No proble-" you stopped as soon as you felt warmth in your cheek. In the blink of an eye, it was gone. "Also, tell those two brickering fools to keep it down. Some of us still have work to take cae of." And with that Elowen got up and left.

Sage barged into the room, followed by Anisa. "Un- believable! I tell you to be careful and still I find out that you went off on your own again?!" Anisa said after Sage. " I literally told you you would get lost in the sewers if you tried to follow me Annie! And- oh MC hi what's up?" Sage threw himself to the couch next yo you. "Oho? Who did you get to kiss while we were gone?" Sage made a smug look that reminded you of a cat. "A WH- HUH?" you jumped. "Is,,,isnt that-" eyes fell on Anisa. "Isn't that the color of Elowen’s lipstick?" "WHAT DID DID YOU JUST SAY-" Sage sprinted from the couch. "SAGE WAIT FELIX IS STILL INSPECTING-" Anisa ran after Sage.

So that's what that warmth was.

#last legacy #fictif #fictif last legacy #fictif games #elowen de bhaldraithe #elowen last legacy #last legacy elowen #fictif elowen #omg :DD friend :DD #request

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nightswithkookmin · 4 years ago

Text

RE: JUNGKOOK CHANGED IN RUN

Anon:

Why did Jungkook not want to be on Jimin's team in the last run episode? He has changed a lot from before. Thoughts.

My first thought is, you don't gotta interpret everything in a negative light.

Not every strong reaction is a bad reaction.

I'd be a phony ass fraud if I sat here and told you with my two thumbs that I didn't raise a brow at that moment. I did.

Especially when you contrast that episode with run 112 which falls on all fours with this current situation- ok may not all fours.

But in that video, like many others, RM had suggested they form teams based on the sunglasses they wore, just as he had suggested they form teams based on the seating arrangements.

Of course he'd meant it as a Joke just as we discussed in a previous blog post. Personally, I expected they make a draw, rock papers or even dance in circles like they did in the other episode to decide who got who in the competition.

But it seems in all the times he's been paired with JM he's been supper thrilled about it. He even warned the members not to underestimate him and JM when they'd unanimously concluded they were the disadvantaged team in the game- Jin not even bothering to ask them what their scores were on Korean.

He reset the timer to 10 seconds when Jk pointed out he wasn't good at reading fast

When the time stopped and they were asked to make a team of four, he turned to find JM almost immediately as if to make sure JM was part of the four, he held on to his arm to prevent RM from breaking the link.

He was supposed to pair with Yoongi and Jimin with Tae but he didn't even try to find Suga. At least V did try to find Jimin. He moved towards JM and when he realized JK was hugging him he went for Suga.

Throughout the episode he was giving JM tips on how to cheat and shot when he wasn't sure of the answers.

Yet in the last run, he didn't seem as enthusiastic about being paired with JM- or so, he'd have us believe. Smirk.

He ain't slick. Lol.

To me he seemed, on the surface of it, either really salty about the others having Jin or RM on their teams or upon reflection, just plain ass overcompensating for something.

I'd go with the later.

It's similar to how, Jimin got the Sauna card and he'd complained about not liking the Sauna but then swapped cards with Tae so he could be on JM's team.

Or how he'd make a theatrical show of wanting to win a competition but smirk satisfactorily to himself when he loses.

I really don't think it's a big deal.

Personally, I love watching them paired up and doing such activities. It's a great way to see how they work together as partners and as a team.

It's also a great way for them to spend time with eachother, enjoy eachother, nurture their bond and strengthen their relationship.

Fanservice or not, scripted or not, you cannot deny that spending time together doing activities together is good for building a relationship.

They spend a considerable about of time together off cameras but a lot of their time is spent on cameras and at work.

They gotta find a way to make their relationship work on the work as I keep saying. All that 'fanservice' people say they are doing? That's them making it work. They gotta find a way to go on dates, feed eachother, hold each other's hands, tell Jokes, laugh at eachother's jokes, express their attraction for each other, flirt, share eachother's interests and do things couples do without inviting public scrutiny to their every interaction and invasion of their privacy.

So where they see an opportunity they go for it. For JK it's the the little decisions he makes on their behalf like choosing where they will sleep, what activities they can do together, wanting the bigger room, making sure JM wins the presidential suite, or choosing a room detached from the other rooms.

He invests in his relationship the best way he can. Same goes for Jimin.

I keep saying this whole fanservice culture is a win win situation for them- for even any queer idol couple in the same band.

What seem like a challenge could technically be an opportunity for a date for them without dispatch breathing down their necks.

A typical example would be this. Jimin said he wanted to go get Yoga with the others but ended up going with YoonKook on their brewery excursion.

The more time they spend together, on and off cameras the more closer they get and the more they get to know eachother on a deeper level.

But you have to bare in mind, they need their personal spaces too in order for their relationship to function properly.

Jimin used can be very needy in his relationship but for the most part he enjoys his independence too.

Jk has always had a strong sense of independence but he can equally be quote needy and over attached once he is in a relationship- especially when things are going great for him.

Spending time apart, persuing personal goals and interest is good for them.

If it helps, think of moments when they hang around eachother as Jikook dates and when they hang quietly in the background of videos do think of those as them having their me times at work...

Would they miss an opportunity to 'date' or hang privately with eachother? I don't think so.

It's in their dicks interests and the interest of whole production team and crew to allow them to be around eachother as often and as much as they want and can.

I for one, I'm not prepared to sit through yet another excruciating episode of Jungkook wanting Jimin- physically and emotionally. I'm still dealing with the PTSD from the last BonV four episodes.

Y'all buy me Ko-fi please. I don't intend to sit through that shit sober.

If Jk is pushing to be on JM's team and what not it's mostly because he feels he needs to spend more time with him. If he's not pushing for that it just means he or they are both allowing for space and room in their relationship for eachother to pursue other activities and interests or even connect with other members- unless of course they are having relationship problems which I don't think is the case.

Jimin is particularly good at this.

He goes out of his way to nurture his relationship with the others even on set.

He does this especially with Tae.

He'd take Tae to go see places he and JK had already been to, he'd request to take pirate rides with Tae- even though JK is available and won't hesitate to let him know, he often make plans involving Tae or even the others- in Soop when Tae asked him to go ride around the town with him he chose to stay and manspread on Jin and Yoongi. *I'm cackling. Lmho.

Jimin is a funny guy.

Now does this mean he doesn't like spending time with Tae or that he's changed? Hell no.

Hell, Tae does the same thing from time to time too. I mean when he found out he had picked a Sauna card he asked to swap it knowing very well Jimin had picked that card too. Soulmates coulda soulmated that shit in hot piles of steamy.

Sure JK lurks around sometimes. He is the resident intruder stepping on Jimin's other ships' neck. Love him for this. Lol.

Perfect Disney villian.

Tae had to drag his ass away from the kitchen for intruding when he and JM were cooking in the Kitchen. Let's not talk about him physically removing him from JM's car or all the times he's complained about JK raining on his Vmin agenda.

When V wanted to be on a team with JM this man literally sabotaged him, hugging Jimin first. It's his laughter afterwards for me. Lmho.

V needs to insure his Jimin cos at this point it's trademark infringement. Hashtag soulmates. Lololol.

Jk needs to go ahead and free Vmin.

But JM does this too, in much more subtle ways- I'll never forget the look he had on his face when he had to get off the bus and walk home as punishment. It was the most heart breaking thing I ever seen.

Then he had to hang off Hobi to get JK to leave his friends and come to him.

It's why I used an ellipsis the last time I talked about Jimin being very mature now. Old Jimin would have, clapped back, made JK pay for that outburst if he genuinely thought JK meant what he said or believed JK really wanted to be on a team with someone else.

Y'all don't see him when JK compliments other people? He stays kicking his feet under the table🤣🤣🤣🤣

I used to pinch a gurl I liked when other gals talked to her when I was little- In my defense, I didn't even know I liked her or that it was straight up abuse💀

Jimin can be pretty scary and petty when he's mad or offended.

If it helps you sleep at might, think of this moment as just another one of those 'we've been a unit for so long do you wanna be with someone else now' scene from February last year.

Jk answered yes when JM asked him that. But do you really think he meant it?

Jikook is complex, not complicated.

They love eachother.

We can't be looking at their interactions as either or. Grey areas exist and it's not a negative thing.

Signed,

GOLDY

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