#I'm not trying to be aggressive towards you anon

[mesetacadre]

Regarding your post on Stalin and Lenin, I want to ask in good faith: how can honest Communists, in good conscience, acknowledge the material harm and the death tolls of the deportations of the Crimean Tatars, Soviet Koreans, and Chechens + Ingush carried out by Stalin's administration?

I at least understand why Marxist-Leninists dispute calling the Holodomor and Kazakh famines genocides, on the grounds that they came about as a mix of failed policy, bad weather, and unintended consequences.

However, while Stalin's influence on the Famines is debatable, allowing the deportations to be carried out (which DO constitute a genocide) must certainly fall on his head. This is doubly so because Lavrentiy Beria - the principal architect of the Crimean Tatar and Chechen deportations - was a close ally of Stalin.

A big reason I ask this is because I frequently see other communists either gloss over the material harm of these deportations, or treat them as a regrettable footnote in an otherwise proud career. I find both approaches problematic, because I do not see them as an honest assessment of Stalin's wrongdoing with regards to ethnic minorities within the Soviet Union.

I thank you for your time, and I look forward to reading your assessment, should you chose to answer it. Have a good day.

[context]

I'll get to the ask itself in a moment, but first I want to point out how you're doing exactly what the post you're replying to is criticizing, how every mistake and imperfect policy of the USSR between 1924 and 1953 is scapegoated to Stalin. You're ignoring both the very important structures of democracy and accountability within the party as well as in the administration of the state. He wasn't a dictator and policy was not a direct extension of the man's thoughts. The party leadership was a collective organ made up of at least a dozen people, of which Stalin was simply the chairman, with the same vote as everyone else. And every single one of these members were beholden to democratic recall at any time.

Let's start on the common ground, we understand that the famine which struck Ukraine, southern Russia and western Kazakhstan in the early 1930s has a context of cyclical famines, grain hoarding, rushed collectivization, and bad weather. There has been a strong effort on the part of capitalist powers to both exaggerate the effects of the famine and to place it all with intent to exterminate Ukranians specifically. The policy of collectivization and antagonism towards the grain-hoarding rich peasants was one approved by and carried out by hundreds of thousands of people, if not millions. We can debate the degree of maliciousness, the severity of its effects, etc. But what is indisputable once you know just a little of how the USSR worked, to pretend that it could all be carried out by Stalin's sole will is absurd.

And what is the context of the deportations? The fascist invasion of the USSR. This is an extraordinary circumstance, every facet of the USSR was being attacked and threatened with sabotage. It wasn't even the first time they had had to deal with internal sabotage, like it was revealed in the trials following the assassination of Kirov. Throughout the 30s, Nazi Germany's strongarm diplomacy was practically enabled by their ability to create fifth columns, to instigate conflict and to infiltrate. They were in the process of setting up a coup d'etat in Lithuania when, with only a week to spare, it was voted that Lithuania would join the USSR. So, the fear that, as the front advanced, the nazis would do everything in their power to turn the tapestry of nationalities close to the front against the USSR, wasn't only unfounded, it was certain. Fascists are also quite famously brutal against the minorities in the territories they conquered. Their modus operandi whenever they captured a population was to kill any elected leaders and start to instigate anti-semitism.

This was the rationale that drove the policy of resettlement. It was a rushed wartime decision, such was the context, and people definitely died unnecessarily in transport. They decided that the negative consequences of resettlement outweighed the risk of sabotage, destroyed supply lines, and of a completely certain brutal destiny for these minorities if the front advanced past them. It was not a genocide, and it had nothing to do with whatever personal relationship you think Stalin had with Beria. (As a tangent, in this interview, Stalin's bodyguard said that Beria was "neither his [Stalin's] right hand man or left hand man"). I reiterate though, the personal relationships of one man did not dictate the policy decided on democratically by the CPSU.

I don't see the problem in understanding the context of these decisions and understanding the rationale behind them without kneejerking into discounting Stalin's competency. It's very easy to criticize a decision with 80 years of hindsight, without the pressure of the largest land invasion ever carried out advancing steadily. You can't understand the policies of a country containing hundreds of millions of people and hundreds of nationalities through the lens of a single man's personal failings, especially in wartime. Admitting these mistakes, but understanding the context in which they were made, is the only way to learn from other attempts at developing socialism. What is not productive is to insist on pinning every mistake, every unnecessary pain, every inefficiency, as the wrongdoings of a single man. It's dishonest to both the past, and to how communists organize today.

[angeltism]

you know if crush anons are actually interested they will just come back when they feel like it and you dont have to make all of your posts about romance.

I was about to go to bed but I can take a sec .

Yes ?? I'm very aware of this ??? But I enjoy talking about romance , even outside of trying to fish for compliments (which I'll admit I do, but nawt all the time) . Fantasizing about having a relationship brings me comfort and that's something I can't help , and is literally harmless .

I am very aware I can't like,, force others to wanna date me via posting about how baaaadly I want a partner or whatever . And that isn't what I'm trying to do . It'll happen when it happens , but for now I just find it calming in a way to post about what could be in the future . So . Yeahh idk thanks for telling me stuff I already know anon ?? What kind of reply were you expecting here

[nyarumie]

What if Soshiro's girlfriend was nice to Weapon 10 because it saved his life and instead of being flustered 10 also start liking her and now Soshiro feels like he has to share his gf with the suit!!

A small continuation to 'Suit Anomaly', based from this ask! (Click here for Part 3)

Author's Reply: Hi, Anon! This sounds adorable! His gf's semi rude attitude towards No. 10 was because of the injuries Soshiro got from their fight, but she's not a totally cold person so I can see this happening! I shall do my best ♡

Requests and messages are welcome on my ask box! I can also write for Narumi and Mina (｡･ω･｡)ﾉ♡

Just a few weeks after the nationwide cataclysm orchestrated by Kaiju No. 9, you once again found yourself standing in the very same training facility right after a small kaiju attack from the previous day. This time, you’re equipped with your own numbers weapon just in case it goes haywire after all the damage it sustained.

“How does it feel?” you ask him.

“Still as uncomfortable as ever,” he said. “Can’t say this thing’s more tame now, it’s as battle hungry as always; but it kinda listens to me and has a l’il bit of common sense now.”

You snort, hearing No. 10 roar an “Are you saying I’m stupid?!” at him.

Knowing him, Soshiro just refuses to tell the truth: He’s grown comfortable wearing his numbered suit, despite the strain it deals on his body. It’s particularly crazy how he’s able to wear it and fight using it again just after a few days of being discharged from the medbay—any normal officer wouldn’t be able to walk after that destructive fight.

"Hmm… You both did well in yesterday's fight," you started, followed with a sigh, "But you didn't need to go all-out at all. They were just small fry!"

Soshiro comically scratched his head, "No offense sweetie, but I think you're just upset you didn't get to kill one yesterday. This guy wanted to wipe 'em all out for ya. Some kind of thanks for actively watchin' over the suit's repair."

"I didn't say anything like that!" it complained.

Soshiro crossed his arms and complained, "Ya keep dragging me to her area! Told ya she's as strong as we are, but you kept screaming at me saying somethin' like 'Oi, Hoshina! Ain't you gonna protect your little foul mouthed girlfriend?!'"

"Stop lying! I just wanted to get a higher kill count; you're being too lousy in battle!"

'Ah… compatibility aside, the arguments aren't stopping soon.' you thought.

You cleared your throat, getting their attention back to you. "If that's the case, then I extend my deepest gratitude to you both—but you don't have to worry about me!"

Proceeding to closely inspect the suit, you went down on one knee and thoroughly observed its tail, which had been severed during their fight with Kaiju no. 12. You started caressing it, seemingly deep in thought.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! I told you I'm not a pet!"

Soshiro just quietly observed the scene, curious at your actions.

Going to stand in front of Soshiro again, you bent your upper body forward to meet the Kaiju's eye.

For the first time since he's donned this suit, you gave it a sincere smile. "I give you my deepest thanks for protecting Soshiro. You did well."

Silence.

After a minute of solid silence, the tail started aggressively swaying around and a frantic scream from Okonogi caught yours and Soshiro's attention.

"Vice Captain! Platoon Leader! I advise you to end the monitoring session—the suit's rapidly overheating for no reason!"

Eh?

Soshiro started pulling the tail, trying to get it to behave. "You cyclops! Keep still! My girlfriend's not flirtin' with ya, not with a Kaiju!"

"Cyclops?! I'm not even doing anything, bowlcut bastard!"

As you laugh at the entertainment in front of you, the Kaiju detection alarm goes off.

"Let's go. Make sure you let me kill some today, alright?" you said, mood heightened.

That being said…

In the midst of the battle, it took Soshiro a great deal of strength just to stop the Kaiju suit from rushing towards your aid.

The both of them started arguing again after the fight, as Soshiro saw how its tail was subtly waving when you approached them, as if asking to be caressed again.

"Ya don't get to ask my girlfriend to touch yer tail! I'm not sharin' her with you!"

"I didn't ask her anything! And would you look at that, she's already touching it!"

With a pout akin to that of a child getting their lollipop stolen, Soshiro said, "Dear, ya don't have to do that! I'm right here!"

You giggled, wanting to tease him a bit. "And I can see you well enough, 'Shiro. You'll get your kisses later, yeah?"

He groaned, continuing their seemingly never-ending argument.

Oh, you can get used to this.

[sarawritestories]

Heyy I read your period fic with cassian and I absolutely adored it! I love how you write cassian as a caring male...and honestly I would envision Helion the same too with his partner/mate when she is on her cycle...If its not too much of a hassle...i wanted to request a helion x reader fic where they are sleeping together but when reader wakes up in the middle of the night and sees that she has bled through the sheets and this is her first time having her period in front of Helion so she is terrified and nervous of Helion waking up and seeing the mess she has made..but Helion ends up waking up with only wanting to take care of the reader and help her with her cramps❤️

Hi Anon, Yes, and as I have just fallen victim to my own cycle, I felt it was appropriate to get some Helion loving here because a high lord taking care of their mate in pain is Yummy!

I'm sorry this took so long!

Fuck Propriety

Helion X Autumn Court Fem Reader

Summary: You got your cycle for the first time staying over with your mate. When the High Lord of the Day Court finds you on the floor writhing from the pain, Helion begins to take care of you, whether you want it or not.

Content Warning: bad cramps, bleeding through sheets. Swearing, but the title makes that a given. A little bit of self-loathing sprinkled as well.

ACOTAR MASTERLIST

Unrelenting pain awoke you from your sleep. Creaking your eyes open as a wave of cramps attacked your body. Suppressing a whimper, you sat up, and the familiar sensation hit you, followed by the scent of your blood. Your eyes widened.

No. No. No. No.

You looked over at your sleeping mate, his brown toned back rising and falling with his breaths. Even in his sleep, Helion was regal. Shame swept over you like a violent current in the Summer Court. The first time you stayed with your mate in his court and you had gotten your cycle.

How could you be so careless?

You found out Helion was your mate 6 months ago. Swept up by his beauty and playful personality, you must have forgotten to keep track of your cycle. You spent most of your time admiring Helion and his freedom to express himself the rest spent making sure you were poised and presentable, suitable, for a High Lord just as your mother taught you. How living in the Autumn Court had taught you.

Helion's kindness and warmth had lowered your walls slightly, and you felt comfortable talking with him. Had you been keeping better track, you would have rescheduled your visit to the Day Court Your mother's voice rang loudly in your ears:

How would a High Lord trust you with an heir if you can't even keep track of your cycle?

Her words stinging in your mind as another wave of cramps hit you. Gritting your teeth to prevent you from crying out, you tried to move only for more pain to erupt from your abdomen. Sweat coating your brow, you breathed through the cramps, trying hard not to disturb the sleeping high lord beside you. Finally, the pain eased, and you gently slid out of the bed.

Turning back toward the mattress, you felt tears begin to form as a giant stain of blood glaring back at you. Your mother's voice rang out once more:

Stupid child, how can the High Lord ever respect a mate that sullies his finest sheets the first time she stays over?

You clenched your hands into fists so tightly you hadn't realized you broke skin, as two words kept repeating over and over.

Bad Mate. Bad Mate. Bad Mate.

You ran to the bathroom, right as you had shut the door, you were attacked by another aggressive wave of cramps. The pain over took your senses as you collapsed to the floor. The cool marble floor was a welcome reprieve to your feverish skin. You could only manage to focus on the pain you hadn't realized that you were screaming or that the bond was now open and everything you were feeling was being sent down the gold thread to Helion.

****************************************************

You heard your name being called repeatedly. You opened your eyes to meet the concerned golden hues of your mate's. Your body had fallen unconscious. You were so devoured by the pain to notice. "Sunshine, are you alright?" Helion's voice grounding you from the pain that began its relentless attack. He had laid your head on his lap his fingers running through your sweat coated hair.

"You aren't supposed to see me like this." You whimpered as your body rides out the pain, a fresh scent of copper flooding your nose as you cover your face in embarrassment. "Go back to sleep, I promise I will be okay."

Helion's fingers pulled from your hair and his hands engulfed your wrist, pulling them away from your face to see a fresh batch of tears. His dark brows furrowed, "You expect me to go to bed?"

You had forgotten about the bed sheets now soiled with your blood. "No, of course not, High Lord, not until I put clean sheets on, I will go-" You sit up and try to stand only for your cramps to send you back to your knees. A grunt of agony escaped your lips as toned muscular arms wrap around your waist and pull you back to a sitting position. He pulled your back flush with his bare chest, his body providing warmth to your clammy form. Helion places his hands over your womb, and his fingers begin to massage it, dissipating the pain. You sobbed at the relief his kneading does for the pain. Yet your mind still fought, "Helion, I have to clean up my me-"

Helion was swift to cut you off, "You will do no such thing. The only thing I want you to do right now is sitting right here with me and listening. Can you do that for me, Sunshine?" You nodded your head and leaned against his shoulder. His hands found yours as he intertwined your fingers, providing you with a sense of calm. "Good, first things first, you are never to call me High Lord. Ever! Unless my head is in-between your delicious thighs, then you may moan out my title as much as you please."

You hummed at the thought of your mate's tongue against you, your eyes fluttered closed, and Helion chuckled at the scent of your arousal. Another round of pain hit you, and Helion adjusted his hold so your knees and back were secure and hoisted you up. With his magic, he filled the tub with steaming water, and with a snap of his fingers, the two of you were undressed. He placed you in the tub, a moan escaping your lips as the heat of the water began relaxing your muscles. Helion slid into the spot behind you and began rubbing your shoulders.

"Sedondly," Helion continued, "When you are ill or in pain, I am responsible for taking care of you. I promised you as much when the bond snapped into place. No, I will not let you clean up your bloody sheets. No, you will not be bathing alone on your cycle and trying to manage your pain alone. I will not allow it. I want to take care of you. So please let me know." His lips find the side of your head and presses lightly. His long dark curls fall down your shoulder as he moves his lips to your cheek and down your neck, causing you to giggle.

After he stopped his kisses, he turned your head so your eyes met his once more. "This last one is important, so pay attention." He sighed and placed a tender kiss to your lips, sending love down the bond. "You do not have to be prim and proper with me. You are mine. I will love you no matter what. I've been trying to get that wall, your mother built around your heart, since we met. The wall that doesn't allow you to bask in the sunlight on a warm day. The one that doesn't allow you to dance with me in the kitchen like no one is watching. The one that doesn't let me kiss you in public, in front of our court."

"Our court?" You blinked.

His full lips curved into a grin, showing immaculate teeth, "Our court, did you think you were going back to Autumn after this visit, Sunshine." You blushed. That's exactly what you thought you should have known better.

You frowned slightly, "But It's not proper to sho-"

Helion growled, "Fuck Propriety! I love you. And I want everyone to know it." His eyes softened as he placed a tender kiss on your shoulder. "Sunshine, I want you to know how much I love you. I want to show you that love. I want you to feel comfortable showing me your emotions. If you were, maybe you would have woken me up to tell me what was going on. Because you weren't open, and you didn't tell me; I woke up to feeling this heavy pain in my chest realizing the pain was shooting down the bond, the scent of your blood and you screaming in the bathroom. When I found you unconscious, I..." He paused, and you placed a hand on his cheek, turning your whole body to face him. He shook his head, the beads in his hair glimmering in the fae light. He gave you a sad smile as he leaned into your touch. "I just want you to be comfortable here to be who your truly are. To be able to express yourself and to ask me for help when you need it."

You bit your lip for a moment for a moment before whispering, "What if I don't know who I am?"

Helion's smile gave you butterflies in your stomach as he pressed his lips to yours. Pulling away he placed his forehead onto yours, "Then we will discover who you are together. What a fun adventure that will be." His tone held genuine excitement.

"And you will still love me?"-

"Until my dying breath, Sunshine." He kissed you once more.

"I love you." You blurted out, heat rising to your cheeks at the confession.

Helion chuckled, "And I you, now let's get you cleaned up.

So Helion washed you from head to toe. As the two of you began to talk, you began to truly open up to him, and in the conversation, you forgot about the pain. He dried you off and gave you some linen to line your underwear to help with the bleeding, along with his shirt to wear, knowing you would find comfort in his scent.

He led you to the bedroom where there were fresh sheets, a steaming cup of tea, and a tonic for the pain. No male had ever been this attentive to your needs before. Tears began to run down your cheeks, and Helion was quick to kiss them away. "None of that. Come now." He had you sit on the edge of the bed where he tilted your chin up slightly and pressed the vial with the tonic to your lips, which you greedily took. Then he handed you the tea and made his way to his side of the bed. He watched as you placed the mug on the nightstand, and his arm snaked around your middle, gently pulling you toward his body. You laid down and adjusted yourself to face him. He kissed the tip of your nose and smiled, "Say it again, Sunshine."

You knew exactly what he was asking for. "I love you, Helion."

He pulled you close, your head laying on his bare chest. "I love you too." Your eyes drifted closed as you fell into a deep slumber, to the sound of your mate's heartbeat.

[myfictionaldreams]

request: nyx x female reader where they’re matted but don’t know it and reader visits him at the illyrian camps and she gets hurt and nyx loses it

Don't Touch // Adult!Nyx (ACoTaR) x Fem!Reader

A/N: I can't even thank you enough, anon, for this request! I've been desperate to write something like this (especially including my sweet love Nyx; I have an entire headcanon/long-form story of him already, oops). Thank you for requesting! To you or anything else, please request more SJM fics, I am adoring writing them.

Warning: there is a description of visibly seeing the colour of bruising on the skin. Also, intense emotions and responses to situations due to the mating bond.

Tags: 18+ readers only, smut, angst, minor injuries, possessive behaviour/sex, obsessive behaviour, over-the-top reaction (or just right depends how you like your partners), threats of violence, aggression, rough sex, oral (f receiving), multiple orgasms, creampie, size kink, intense emotions/sex, sex until passing out :)

Words: 6.3k

my masterlist 📚 AO3 Link

"I've never seen you like this before, Mor" You observe your friend closely as the beautiful blonde woman checks her reflection in the glass of a passing shop.

Morrigan paused, where she was currently trying to perfect her already stunning hair. Trying not to baulk from the intense, fiery stare that turned your way as she raised a single well-groomed eyebrow and attempted to sound as unconcerned as possible, "I don't know what you're referring to. I'm acting completely and utterly sane".

Linking an arm with your friend, you both continued to walk as you sarcastically agreed, "Oh yes, of course. Except that was the tenth time you've stopped to stare at your reflection and tried to fix your already pristine hair, Morrigan".

Mor rolled her brown eyes playfully, moving closer as a brisk wind brushed over the two of you. "You already know I'm vain; why is it such an issue if I want to stare at myself?" she asked, leading in the direction the two of you were walking.

"I didn't say there was an issue. I'm just pointing out that we're heading towards a certain someone's shop, and she's going to love how you look no matter what". Mor hid her face for once, but you could still see the rosy colour deepening in her cheeks.

She quickly recovered by lifting her head and flicking the blonde strands behind her shoulders. "You're one to talk. I've seen you searching over your shoulder 50 times now. Wouldn't it be because of a certain family member of mine, would it?"

There was no hiding the grin that spread across your face as your pulse quickened ever so slightly. "Nyx doesn't even know that I'm in Windhaven. I might not even see him; I'm not here for him."

"Who says I was talking about Nyx? I'm pretty sure Feyre and Rhys are here too", she laughs as you shove your shoulder into hers playfully. As you both calm down, Mor's expression turns more serious. She glances at you, "I'm surprised he hasn't sensed you're here yet. I also don't necessarily think he'll welcome you with open arms; he's attempted to shield you from this side of his life. As hard as we are trying to change the cultures and traditions of the Illyrians, most of them are still unpleasant to be around, especially if you happen to be a female, wings or not."

"You didn't have to bring me here, you know".

"Yes, well, don't make me regret it. Stay nice and close to me, and anyway", Mor paused as she paused outside Emeries shop. "I needed an excuse to come here", she admitted with as much sheepishness as Morrigan would ever allow another person to see.

You couldn't help but grin as you squealed, "Ha! I knew it!"

The bell dinged above the shop door as you followed the blonde through the door. The answer, welcomed by Emerie by the counter, "There you both are! Welcome to Windhaven, stay away from the males, and please have a lovely time", she beams, walking around the counter towards Mor.

Glancing around to give both women a private moment, you admired her shop and eyed some of the winter clothing that would be perfect for the cold weather approaching Velaris in a few months. As you ran your fingers over the lining of a beautiful coat and casually suggested over your shoulder, "If you want, I can watch the shop if you two happen to find your way upstairs. Didn't you say you have some new socks in the back room?"

"Oh yes, thank you for the reminder!" Emerie played with your antics and took Mor's hand, dragging her into the back. Smiling at seeing their happiness, you couldn't help but let your mind wander to the man whom you'd been searching for from the second of landing in Windhaven.

You and Nyx had been friends since childhood. You'd spotted a young boy flying over the Sidra, mesmerised by the freeness of his movements, not watching where you were walking, tripped and scratched your knee on the pavement. Having watched it all from the sky, Nyx landed beside you and helped you home. He hadn't laughed like the other children; he'd shown compassion and kindness.

The son of the High Lord and Lady quickly became one of your closest friends, spending every waking hour possible together when you weren't in lessons or he was in training. Along the way, lines became blurred, and you were infatuated with one another. The relationship was intense, to say the least, and the two of you often joked about being mates, but no sign of the bond had occurred yet.

Not that this mattered to you. You were thoroughly and obsessively in love with Nyx, and he was with you. In fact, his obsession and possessive behaviour were renowned throughout Velaris. Every occupant knew that you were Nyx's; if a single hair on your head was out of place, he would bring all of the power of the Night Court down on them. It was extreme at first, but in truth, you were not much of a fighter, so being able to walk around Velaris with the reputation of belonging to Nyx was a relief.

Now, however, it had been weeks since you saw him as he'd been training with the other Illyrians, and even though he used his daemati skills to talk mind to mind with you or he left intimate little notes throughout your home, it couldn't ease the ache in your chest. So when Mor mentioned visiting Emerie's shop in Windhaven, you jumped at the opportunity to see, hoping you'd run into him, even if he didn't want you near the camps.

Lost in your thoughts of black hair and vibrant blue eyes, you'd not noticed that someone had entered the shop until a male growled from behind you, "Where is she?"

Jumping and turning on the spot, you looked the Illyrian over from the golden-brown skin covered in the darkest black tattoos that stretched up his neck and over the sides of his shaved head, leaving a tuft of hair down the centre. His membranous wings were widely spread as he stood in a defensive stance, fists tightly clenched at his side and armour creased from lack of care.

"Who?" you asked innocently, facing him fully and trying not to let his anger intimidate you even though you could already smell the sourness of your anxiety and fear in the air. The stranger walks forward, the tips of his wings knocking into a collection of hats, all toppled to the floor. "Watch where you're walking!"

The male stops a step away, tilting his head and frowning with even more vigour, "What did you just say to me?" As he took another step forward, you matched his step with one backwards until you were pressed against the wall with him towering over you.

"Just - Just watch it, ok? You're knocking over the display" You pointed to the knocked-over items, but he didn't take his eyes off of you, searching over your body until your skin crawled with discomfort.

"Wherever that thief is, give her this", he shoves the letter that had been screwed up in his meaty hands into your chest. You gasp out loud at the pain that rips through your shoulder, knowing it is going to bruise, and you have to look away to hide the tears that had formed as you grasp the letter and watch him leave.

It was only as the bell rang as the male exited that Emerie and Mor rushed into the room with a dagger in hand as they rushed to your side. If it wasn't for the shock and pain in your shoulder, you would have commented and jested how they both looked flustered with dishevelled hair and swollen lips, but this was the last thing on your mind now.

"Who was just here? Why do you smell of fear?" Mor asked as she rested a hand on your arm, looking at you furiously with concern.

"I don't know his name, but he gave me this for you, Emerie." You held out the letter, ignoring how your fingers trembled as she accepted it with a roll of her eyes.

"His name is Prumlos. He works closely with my uncle, and they believe they have rights to my shop. No matter how often I tell them, they keep coming back. Unlucky for me, he trains here in Windhaven and often brings new threatening letters from my extended family. He's a really brute", she pauses as she eyes you closely, "are you ok? Did he harm you in any way?"

Swallowing the thick lump formed in your throat, you attempt to compose yourself, not wishing to seem weak in front of these two strong females. Maybe you'd been sheltered too much throughout your life, but you didn't want to be emotionally broken just because one arrogant male was rude to you, even if your shoulder throbbed terribly.

"He just gave me the letter", you managed to spit out, not looking either female in the eye.

"Bullshit. I can still smell your fear; what did he do?" Mor demanded, stepping closer.

"Nothing! I mean, he was just an arrogant male and just wanted to scare me. I'm fine, really. But could we go, please? Sorry, I know we've only just arrived. Maybe I can wait for you in the High Lord's mother's home, Mor? I just need to be shown the way". You held your breath, waiting for Mor to answer, hoping she didn't try to question you further, but thankfully, she agreed.

"I'm sorry you've been shaken up; I hope it hasn't deterred you from coming to visit me every so often," Emerie smiled gently while holding your hand.

Thanking her, you and Mor left the store and began walking down the street. "Are you sure you're ok? I can see you're still shaken up; talk to me, Little star", Mor asks a couple of silent minutes later and hearing the nickname the inner circle had named you from a child finally brought a smile to your face.

But then Mor tried to link her arm through yours, and you couldn't help but flinch as the movement caused the pain in your shoulder to worsen. Mor noticed and stopped abruptly, turning you towards her, "He did hurt you, didn't he? Tell me so I can go and deal with him".

"No! Please, Mor, can we just go? You know I hate violence".

"Do you want me to go and find Nyx?" she asked, lowering her voice.

"No!" you say urgently, looking up at her with wide eyes, "Please don't, you know how he'd react. I just want to go to Rhys' mother's home and forget about the day. I'll speak to Nyx another time".

With great reluctance, Mor nods, and the two of you continue the walk back to the home. Once inside and next to the fire, you could finally stop and relax, especially as Mor offered you a hefty glass of wine to help your nerves.

After half an hour of sipping away at the absurdly expensive win, shoes off and feet tucked beneath you, Mor suddenly sat up further in her seat with a smile, informing you, "You're about to be a very happy female".

You're confused by her statement, but then you feel it: the connection in your heart is strengthening, like the missing piece to you was suddenly warming and filling in. The front door opened, and Feyre and Rhys walked in first, followed by Cassian and Nyx.

You're half aware of Cassian's joyful greeting: "Ah, Little star! You've finally come to join the camps. We'll have you trained in no time".

You stand quickly, eyes only on Nyx as he stands in the doorway, not breathing as he stares only at you. One second, you're near the table, and the next, you're running full speed towards him, sliding across the wooden floor with your socks, not that you care as you're suddenly in his arms.

The pain had diminished the second you were reunited with him. All you cared about was breathing him in, the relaxing scents of spice and lavender, the strength of his arms as they wrapped around your waist, keeping you up off of your feet that had tucked around his hips. Your fingers clenched into curling hair at the nape of his neck, not caring that it was sweaty from where he'd been training. He could be covered in mud, and you would have jumped into his arms with as much enthusiasm.

The others in the room pretended to look busy as he continued to hold you, his face moving into the nape of his neck, and he took a deep breath, breathing in your scents. Nyx's voice was like dark silk, wrapping around you entirely as he said, "I knew you were here. I mean, I thought I was losing my mind; an hour ago, the tightness in my chest eased".

You couldn't help but giggle, kissing his cheek, "That was me; I arrived about an hour ago". Pulling back in his arms, the back of your fingers caressed against his cheek, admiring the light stubble that had grown since you'd last seen him. "I like this", you admire.

"What are you doing here?" he asked, his thumbs stroking circles from where he still held up your body.

"I came to see my best friend, of course", you claimed, watching his handsome features as his smile grew to a grin, the dimple in his cheek deepening beneath your thumb. "Yes, I came to see my best friend Emerie", you joked as Nyx rolled his crystal blue eyes before moving his face back to nuzzle against your jaw.

"I've missed you", he mumbles, not caring that you both had an audience and your heart clenched tighter at the need in his voice.

"I've missed you too, more than you could ever know".

"If you two aren't mates, I'll eat my trousers", Cassian quips sarcastically over the rim of his glass of wine. Mor slaps his arm for interrupting as you're lowered back to the floor by Nyx, but you still lean on the tip of your toes, pushing your chest against his to remain close.

Admiring the passionate way Nyx is searching your face, you turn to grin as Cass is over your shoulder when the sudden deathly shift in the air has you freezing. The faelights casting a golden glow across the house dimmed as the room became cold, the fire extinguishing in a single breath.

Your head spins as you turn back to Nyx, who is staring at the opening of your shirt beneath your neck.

"What's that mark?" Nyx asked, his voice a terrifying tone you'd only heard on a handful of occasions. Instinctively, you were stepping back, but his gentle hand grabbed yours, keeping you close. You can sense his family moving closer, and Nyx doesn't wait for you to answer his question. He carefully releases your hand and pushes aside the material of your blouse until your shoulder is exposed.

Glancing down, you could see now that where Prumlos had shoved the letter into your shoulder earlier had now formed a deep purple bruise. Nyx leans forward, sniffs your skin, and his spine instantly stiffens.

"Who did that to you?" he asks, voice thick with venom and anger.

You're unable to give him an answer as Mor is suddenly by your side, holding open your shirt to stare at the injury as she gasps, "I asked if he hurt you!"

"He?!" Nyx growls, looking between Mor and you.

Attempting to take a step away from both of them, you try and calm the energy, sensing it is escalating to a level that could not be returned from. It wasn't that Nyx was scaring you; it was quite the opposite, as his protection made you feel safe; you were just frightened that he would do something he couldn't undo and start a war within the camps.

"I'm fine; it doesn't even hurt anymore" you tried to reason, but that only made Nyx breathe heavily out of his nose as he turned to Mor.

"Who did this? Give me his name. Tell me right now, Morrigan!"

Thankfully, Mor didn't answer immediately and glanced at you from the corner of your eye, knowing that you didn't want to cause a fuss, so she didn't respond immediately, which only frustrated Nyx more in his crusade for revenge. "This is why you shouldn't have bought her here! I told you on multiple occasions that it wasn't safe!"

"Nyx, you need to take a breath; maybe you and your father should go outside and release some of that energy" Feyre tried to reason with him, stepping closer, but it was useless; Nyx was like a boiling pot of deathly anger. Shadows pulsed and darkened around him, travelling up the length of his muscular arms and around his neck. Rhys and Cassian finally began to step forward, moving into a warrior stance between Mor, Feyre and Nyx, even attempting to urge you behind them, but there was no way you were being forced away from Nyx.

Stepping toe to toe with him, your fingers moved back to cradling his face, forcing his now icey eyes onto you, and for a fraction of a second, he seemed calmer. "Nyx, please listen to me, I'm fine. Everything is ok, it was just-"

You were unable to finish your sentence because his knees buckled, and he audibly gulped down air as all signs of anger and pain disappeared from his eyes and tears lined the edges. "Nyx?"

"Mate", he whispers in awe, leaning his forehead against yours as his arms come around your waist, holding you delicately.

You could feel it, too, like an elastic band was tied around your heart, strengthening with each passing second. "I can feel it too"," you confirmed with glee, tears beginning to fill your eyes with the sudden realisation of what was happening. You and Nyx were mates. The Cauldron had blessed you both; even after waiting what felt like a lifeline for the bond to confirm itself, you both knew it had only been a matter of time. The relief was unlike anything you'd ever experienced before.

"Finally!" Cassian cheered, loosening his warrior stance to return to his glass of wine, raising it towards where you and Nyx stood in the entryway. "Welcome to the family, Little Star!"

You grin up tearfully towards Nyx, who in turn returns the joy, but that all disappears as the anger and rage return full force as he growls, "Someone hurt my mate". Moving away from you, he faces Mor and demands, "Tell me his name, Mor, I know you know it. Don't make me find it out".

Morrigan shifts, rolling her shoulders back as she looks down at Nyx, which is an incredible feat considering the fact that he is considerably taller than her. "Are you threatening me, Nyx??

"He hurt my mate!" he bellows at her, but she doesn't so much as flinch as she shifts her gaze to you, looking like she's contemplating a hundred thoughts at once. Then, without looking away, she confirms the man's name.

"Prumlos".

Nyx vanishes before you have time to stop him, and seconds pass before the ground trembles and shakes the home's foundation. 

"No! I didn't want violence! Why did you tell him, Mor?!" you gawped at the blond, who didn't look remotely sorry.

As Rhysand grabs Cassian and winnows away, Mor steps closer with Feyre at her side. "I told him because we protect our own. Not only has he hurt you, but he's also threatening Emerie; he deserves what's coming to him. In fact, I shouldn't have faltered with telling Nyx, that is my only regret".

You feel defeated and stare at your feet with a thousand thoughts dizzying your mind. Was Nyx ok? Was he hurt? When would he come back? He was your mate. Nyx was YOUR mate.

A pair of brown leather boots entered your vision as Feyre stepped close, wrapping an arm carefully over your not-injured shoulder as she directed you towards the table, kissing your cheek as she moved, "Welcome to the family, properly that is. You've always been one of us, Little Star. Now, why don't you take a seat and I'll see if we have any healing ointments remaining in the cupboards".

Thankfully, Feyre had found a purple ointment that had already worked enough that the pain in your shoulder was considerably less, and the colour of the bruising was now a subtle yellow. Nibbling nervously on the corner of your thumb as you awaited your mate's return, it finally dawned on you. "Wait, how am I supposed to do this? Aren't mates supposed to have a ceremony or something?"

"There can be a ceremony where you offer Nyx some food; we can organise it once we return to Velaris if you'd like? Or if you'd rather not wait, you could offer him food whenever you'd like", Feyre explained warmly with a gentle smile that matched Nyx's.

"I don't think I want to wait. We've all known we would be mates, and waiting for this bond has been slow, so I don't want to wait to accept his bond.

"Why don't you go and have a look in the kitchen? There might be something here", Mor encouraged with a nod towards the back of the house.

You scoured the kitchen cupboards for any sort of food, but with the house having not been in proper use for years, there was nothing except some stale bread on the kitchen table with suspicious-looking green mould on the edges. Even after ripping away the discoloured sections of the bread, you still eyed it with uncertainty.

Stepping out of the kitchen and returning to the dining area, you were surprised to find that Mor and Feyre had gone, and Nyx now stood calmly in the centre of the room, his eyes watching your every breath.

"Where did everyone go?" you ask, trying to fill the thick tension with some noise.

Nyx smiled, not enough to show his dimple but enough to have your shoulders dropping with ease as he stated, "I don't care where they've gone, as long as you remain". Those blazing eyes lowered to your hands as he sucked in a powerful breath as he looked at the stale bread that you were still holding.

As he took several steps forward, you couldn't help but ask, "What did you do to him?"

"What he deserved". There wasn't a speck of blood on his leathery uniform. "What are you doing with that bread?" he asked in a low voice.

You're unsure why you're so nervous when you answer, "Oh, um. It was meant to be for you. I can't find anything else for the mating bond, but it's stale and has mould over it. Maybe I can find a little shop here to find some proper food and serve that to you- NYX!"

Closing the gap between you, he takes the bread out of your hands and, without taking his eyes off of yours, begins to chew the bread that was so clearly dry and stale as he chewed for considerably longer than he should have.

As he finally swallows, you're reaching up for him, resting your hands on his chest and feeling the racing of his heart beneath your palms. "You're my mate", you breathe in awe, forgetting everything that had happened that day and only focusing on the man before you.

"I am. I'm yours, and you're mine", he states with as much wonderment as you felt in your soul.

Grinning up at him, you remind him, "Forever. You're mine forever". The tension beneath your fingers eases as he takes a steadying breath, and then his eyes lower to the edges of your blouse.

You watch with bated breath as he checks the mostly healed bruise. "I'm sorry if I frightened you earlier".

"Nyx, you could never frighten me, " you reassure and tip a finger beneath his chin so that he has to look at your face, not the injury.

"I've always wanted to keep you safe. Seeing that bruise on you today, I was ready to destroy the world to find out who harmed you".

"I know". You watch as he nuzzles into your palm, kissing the centre as you try to lighten the mood, "You're very intense, you know that, right" you say with a light laugh.

Nyx grins, that precious dimple capturing your attention. "I'm more than intense; I'm obsessed. I've been obsessed for years, and now, there's no escaping me" he chuckles as his hand cups around the backs of your thighs and lifts you up, your arms and legs wrapping around his firm body.

"I thought it was just me with the obsession", you retort whilst curling your fingers into his hair once more. Leaning your forehead against him, you both just breathe the other in, eyes closed and hearing the hearts beating as one.

"There hasn't been a second since you entered my life where I haven't wanted you to be by my side. I think I always knew, even when we were children. And now, you're mine".

"Officially", you joke with a giggle, squeezing your arms and legs more firmly around him.

"Officially, my mate", he agrees and then sighs, balancing your weight on one arm so that he could move aside your blouse and kiss the lightening bruise. "I don't want you to come back here again if you can help it. I don't trust these males".

"That's fine with me. I don't particularly want to return, no matter how lovely Emerie's shop is. I don't know how you can stand to be here, let alone train with them", you agreed wholeheartedly.

"You deserve to be in nice and happy places like Velaris, and I can deal with dreadful places like this. It's in my blood, after all". Nyx took a moment to admire your beauty before he stepped forward and winnowed the two of you into his bedroom in the River House in Velaris. "Finally back where we both belong. Now, you're wearing too many clothing articles".

"Wait, don't you have training?" you ask in confusion.

"Not anymore. They'll have to come here and fight me to drag me back to that shit hole tonight. I have other plans now anyway". As he finished talking, he gently eased you onto the navy silk sheets of his bed, resting his arm next to your head as he looked down at you.

You giggle as his hair falls into his face. Reaching up, you pushed the dark curls back to see him grinning at you with just as much glee. "Mmm, I love that sound", he admires before lowering his face to the junction of your neck, his lips pressing against the sensitive area, causing a shiver to burst over your skin.

"What sound?" you ask in a daze.

"You laughing. Your happiness. It's the best sound in the world", he groans as his lips travel up the slope of your neck before teasing your earlobe.

"You're being extra soppy today, Nyx", you say halfheartedly, secretly loving how open he was with his emotions.

However, the man above you freezes, his mouth next to your ear as he asks, "Say that again".

You know exactly which word he wanted you to repeat as you sigh happily, close your eyes and say, "Nyx".

He moans deeply, his hips rutting into the bed with a thrust as a shiver shakes his large frame. "Again," he asks as he lowers his hands to palm your breasts through your blouse.

It was your turn to sigh before whispering, "Nyx".

He lowers his body, kissing down your sternum as he unbuttons the material, exposing your bra and soft skin to him. Your fingers continue to weave through his hair, subtly scratching against his scalp as he doesn't stop on his journey lower. Next, he removes your jeans and socks until all that remains is your underwear.

He appeared to be a man possessed as he stared at you beneath him, biting your lip in need. With an easy snap of his fingers, he tore through the centre of your bra and pushed the useless straps off of your shoulders and down your arms and then repeated the tearing with your underwear.

Nyx utterly admired every inch of your body, his eyes full of emotions and desires. He seemed conflicted, though, unsure whether to spend his sweet time kissing and tasting every inch of your body. Still, as you spread your legs and directed him where you truly wanted him, he growled lowly, lowering his body until he kneeled next to the bed, arms wrapped around your thighs and feasted between your legs.

"Nyx!" you cried out, eyes closing and back arching from the stimulation.

The two of you had been intimate for years, both losing your virginities together and exploring each other's bodies; you knew one another better than yourselves. Nyx liked to show this off as he perfectly flicked his tongue and held you firmly with his hands; you were begging in a matter of seconds. The man bringing you closer and closer to the edge chuckled as he felt you tremble with restraint, knowing he was only doing enough to keep you on the very brink, loving the desperate little cries you released until it was all too much, and you cried out, "Please! Nyx!"

Sucking on your clit was all that he needed to do to have you spiralling into euphoric bliss. Your thighs trembled as they squeezed around his head, but he would happily be suffocated between your legs, so let the warmth of the press into his cheeks until you'd calmed down enough to relax the muscles.

Breathlessly, you looked down your body to where he was grinning, kissing the top of your pubis before licking his shiny lips.

"You're wearing too many clothes". The armour he was wearing vanished in a flicker of magic. Sitting up on the bed, your hands wound around his toned shoulders,  feeling the muscle ripple and move beneath as you tugged him closer and kissed him with all the desperation you could muster.

Both of you were moving with such urgency that your emotions were overwhelmed, tears spilling down your cheeks as you cried out the words, "Mine!" repeatedly. You'd heard of the frenzy after a mating bond is accepted, but you never anticipated it to feel this chaotic. You needed every single inch of him, wanted to taste his body, feel the warmth of his skin, and hear the moans from between his lips. There was too much to do, and your brain was engulfed with the need to do everything simultaneously.

Gripping onto his arms, you pulled Nyx so that he was now the one lying in the centre of the bed as you moved to straddle over his waist. With your lips still desperately moving together, tongue caressing and deepening into each other's mouths, your hands finally grasped around the thick, veiny length of your mate.

During any other intimate moment, you would have admired the sheer size of him or the beautiful sensation of him throbbing between your fingers, but right now, all you were desperate to do was give him pleasure.

Squeezing your fingers more firmly around the shaft, you moved up and down, using your thumb to smear the precum over the head. He shivered at the touch, his abs tightening and flexing as he groaned in pleasure.

"Need to be inside of you", he pleaded against your lips. You didn't need to tell twice as you roused high on your knees and direct the tip of his cock towards your drenched hole. You only gave yourself a second to adjust to the sheer size of him before you were rotating your hips and beginning to rock back and forth with increasing speed.

Nyx's arms wrapped around your spine, reaching to grasp onto the back of your shoulder so he had a good foundation to hold and fuck his hips up in time to meet yours. The firmness of his strokes had you seeing stars with how deep he felt. You were utterly consumed by Nyx.

The two of you were fucking each other with such a bruising pace that all you could do was dig your nails into his chest and ride him like your life depended on it. It was only a matter of minutes until you were coming, squeezing your walls tightly around his cock until he, too, was tipping his head back and grunting your name with his own pleasure.

You all but collapsed on top of his chest, greedily sucking in air that smelled entirely of him, and you couldn't get enough. It seemed he couldn't for you either as you continued to feel his hardness within you, not softening even after his orgasm.

Before long, with your face still plastered to his sweaty chest, your hips began to roll, his cock nudging deep inside of you.

"I can't fucking get enough of you", you gasp as he throbbed within you.

Nyx rolled the two of you over, so now he was on top, your legs repositioned so that they were against his shoulders, and you were all but bent in half, the angle meaning he could fuck even deeper.

"Yes! Nyx, please don't stop!" you scream, reaching over his shoulders and stroking the sensitive membrane of his wings, watching them flare behind his back.

"Say it", he begs, his eyes glazed whilst looking down at you.

"Nyx!"

"Yes! Say you're mine!"

"I'm yours!" Nyx moves harder, his hand slipping down your legs until his thumb could circle your clit.

"That's right", he grunts between thrusts, "And I'm yours. Forever".

You orgasm so hard you're sure you black out for a couple of seconds because, in the next breath, Nyx is beside you, spooning himself around you, kissing along your collarbones and stroking his palm down your stomach.

"I didn't go too hard on you, did I?" he asks with a rough voice.

You smile softly whilst reaching up to scratch your nails behind his ear, tucking the curls behind his pointed ears, careful not to snag the strands on the multiple silver hoops in his ear. "Not at all, I loved every second".

Nyx grinned, and the starlight that usually glowed in his eyes returned for the first time that day, and he was finally at ease.

"I can't believe you ate that stale bread", you say, laughing at the memory.

"I would have eaten the mould too if you'd given it to me. Whatever food you gave me, I would have accepted it with need in my heart". Those perfect lips of his began to kiss across your cheek and down your throat; however, now that the madness of needing to have sex with him had calmed for a moment, you could actually look him over properly, and that's when you noticed the doting of bruises over his arms and chest, all in different stages of healing.

You tense and ask urgently, "Were these from him? Earlier in the day, I mean?"

Nyx moves away from kissing your throat to look at what you're referring to, shaking his head and casually explaining, "No, they're from training. That asshole didn't have time to make a move against me before I-". You'd lost the ability to hear anything further as a fire burned so thoroughly throughout your soul that it momentarily stole your breath. Red burning anger pulsed in your soul, unlike anything you'd ever experienced.

Before a coherent thought could drift through your mind, you're pushing away from Nyx and climbing out of bed on unsteady legs. Needing to half crawl on the floor before righting your posture, you marched towards his bedroom door.

"Woah, Little Star", Nyx is suddenly in front of you, blocking your exit as he holds his hands up.

You try and push past him, but he just carefully eases you away from the door, "Let me past!" you shout in frustration, trying to wiggle past him.

"I don't think so", he responds gently and calmly.

"Nyx, let me out of this house!" You don't get far through as he moves to press your body against the wooden door.

"And what exactly do you think you're going to do?"

Baring your teeth at him over your shoulder, you continued trying to get out of his hold. "I'll kill everyone who harmed you!"

"Oh really?" Nnyx says lightheartedly and with a slight chortle. "You'll kill them? Miss' I despise violence'?"

You turn around so that you're chest to chest with Nyx, looking up at his with eyes so full of fury he actually bulked and softened his laughter. "Whoever hurt you doesn't deserve to live! They hurt you. My mate. MY MATE. They won't live to see the night!"

Nyx wasn't sure how to calm you down, having never seen you with such anger pulsing through your veins before, but he did what he thought was best: distract you. His fingers clutched desperately into your hair as his mouth pressed against yours firmly enough to cause bruises.

You fight and push against him at first, but then thoughts of anger and pain dissolve into lust and need as you're once more desperately grabbing him. Tearing your mouth away, you kiss down his throat, tasting the salty spice of his natural scent.

"These feelings, they will pass", Nyx reassures as he closes his eyes, thoughts entirely on your mouth as you close your lips around his nipple, biting the sensitive bud.

"So you get to have revenge on someone that wrong me, but I don't get to do the same for you?" you ask whilst looking up at him through your lashes, your nails scratching down his abs before grabbing his once more hardening cock.

He releases another long breath, trying to keep his composure as he thrusts into your palm. "I'm saying that I've had a lifetime of training, and taking care of one pathetic asshole was light work. The mating bond is the intense anger you're feeling, protecting my pride. Everything is so new and fresh, but it will pass Little Star. You'll understand that these bruises were all part of my training in a couple of hours. Everyone has similar marks, making the training brutal and volatile. So this feeling, it will pass. Anyway, you are not leaving this room naked with my cum still dripping down my thighs".

You're finally beginning to relax as your harsh touches soften until you're gently cupping his shaft and looking up at him sheepishly, "I thought you would have liked it if everyone got to see who I belonged to?"

Turning on the spot, you rested your hot cheek against the cool wood of the door and began to grind your arse against his cock, "Mmm, don't tempt me", he growls against the side of your face as he moves closer, bending his knees so he could position his cock into your cunt.

Nyx proceeds to fuck you so hard against the door that it begins to crack down the centre. But neither of you stopped for hours. Not until you were both thoroughly exhausted that neither could stand.

"I love you," he whispers against your lips as you teeter on unconsciousness's edge.

"I love you too", you tiredly say back, eyes drooping, and the darkness of sleep welcomed you into its abyss.

[a-998h]

Hey! It’s 🍉ANON! Hope y’all missed me!

Anyways, I was wondering if I could request again! Of course, if I’ve already requested something, don’t mind this one! Just put it to the side..Or whatever

I would like to request a Yandere!SAGAU + Teen!Reader

Basically, since it’s a (Platonic) Yandere, I think they would basically all coddle {Reader}

Like since they’re a God and all, they’re dressed in fancy attire- but the clothes are always to big on them or they’re made in soft colors, so the characters coo over how ‘tiny’ and ‘cute’ {Reader} is

And if any of them are designers, they make them cut outfits like poofy dresses or little suits and force them to wear it

Like {Reader} is like, “I’m a teen! And a GOD! I refuse to wear this!” But they still end up wearing it lol

And maybe the characters fighting for their attention and time, maybe becoming a little too aggressive towards each other.. Maybe even threatening others to stay away from {Reader}..

Or! Or, if they talk about their family before they were transported, the characters engrave that into their brains basically and try to act like their them, or get upset that they mention that and say how they’re their ‘new family’

Anyways, I’ll make this short so I’ll end it here! Also, you as a writer truly inspire me every time you take my requests! Maybe one day I’ll be brave enough to post my ideas on my own online.. Thank you!

Sincerely, 🍉ANON

🍉ANON Thank you for the compliment, and I'm looking forward to the day you grce Tumblr with your writing!

Yes, Reader is coddled to high heaven. The archons have had unoffical custody court over you. With some math done by Neuvillette, each archon/ region gets equal time with you. You're a young human and young god, so everyone thinks you need protection from everything. There are different types of coddling that you experience, all based on the type of platonic yandere the character is.

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Mom Types: these platonic yanderes will now act like your new mom. They are strict, caring, and will make sure you become well rounded if it's the last thing they do. While there is variety in the parenting styles among these yanderes, there is still a common thread between them.

(Jean, Eula, Xianyun, Ningguang, Raiden Ei, Kujo Sara, Kokomi, Faruzan, Dehya, Arlecchino, Clorinde, Chiori, Chevreuse)

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Dad types: These types will be the best dad they can. They're protective over you, ready, willing, and able to fight anyone for you. They pull double duty as best friend, and guardian. They're strict when you need to be, but sometimes you can flutter your eyelashes to make them bend to your will. Agian, there are different parenting styles between each yandere.

(Neuvillette, Wriothesley, Alhathiam, Gorou, Kazuha, Baizhu, Zhongli, Albedo, Diluc)

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Uncle Types: These are the characters who are too irresponsible to be dads. They are the ones that help you cause small scale mayhem, while also making sure you have fun. They'll teach you street smart things, and are more lenient platonic yanderes

(Kaeya, Venti, Itto, Heizou, Cyno, Tighnari, Kaveh)

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Aunt Types: These are the characters who are the gender bend version of the uncle types, with a more caring side.

(Navia, Emile, Candace, Nilou, Nahida, Shinobu, Yae Miko, Beidou, Yelan, Shenhe, Yanfei, Ganyu, Keqing, Mona, Lisa, Rosaira)

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Cousin Types: These are the characters who are cousin like in the way you two interact. There is not a sibling bond, but there is a ride or die bond. This platonic yandere will keep you out of trouble for a price, while helping cause problems.

(Amber, Noelle, Fiscal, Mika, Xiangling, Xinyan, Hu Tao, Yun Jin, Sayu, Kirara, Dori, Wanderer, Layla, Charlotte)

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Big Brother Types: These platonic yanderes are your big brothers now, no, there is no arguing with them about this. They well care for you, being soft and kind is their thing. But, they will keep a tight leash on you if you even thing of doing anything dumb or they see a threat to you.

(Lyney, Fremient, Sethos, Ayato, Thoma, Gaming, Xiao, Xingqiu, Chongyun, Childe, Razor, Bennett)

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Sibling Types: These platonic yanderes are like the big brother yanderes. Kind, soft, and willing to protect your and your innocence. When it comes to spending time with them, there is mire dress up than you'd probably like.

(Klee, Diana, Barbara, Qiqi, Yaoyao, Ayaka, Yoimiya, Collei, Lynette, Furina, Sigewinne)

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The mom and dad types dress you in fancy clothes, finding it cute how big they are on you. Whenever you try and argue about wearing the fancy clothes, the mom and dad types use their authority voices, the aunt and uncle types use bribery, and the sibling and cousin types uses a mix of puppy dog eyes and bribery.

They is a lot of rivalry. Different sets of sibling are at each other's throats, the cousin and sibling types are usually at odds. Some mom and dad types bicker while the aunt and uncle types compete with each other and the mom and dad types. It's a mess you're always caught up in, and it's is never fun.

If you mention anything good about your family back home, the respective type of platonic yandere will try and copy that behavior. If you mention anything bad, they'll avoid that behavior like the plague

[werecreature-addicted]

to the anon asking about the large amount of sex-trafficking/rape prompts/stories/blurbs, im going to try and give you a real answer

one major factor, is shame

it's a largely subconscious thing, the fact people's sexual fantasies lean toward this aggressive often dehumanizing scenarios.

but its something that has been observed in people raised with very strict social expectations regarding sexuality often having rape fantasies, because it is a way to indulge in their sexual feelings without having to admit to them, in a way.

i, personally, am fat and queer. and while never stated outright to my face, the fact that small children have on several occasions began crying while looking at me in the supermarket line, I would also have to assume im not that much of a looker either

any show of desires for intimacy, physical or emotional, has been laughed at. people asked me out as a joke when i was in school, my father's side of the family openly lamented my appearance since I was a child because my only real value to them was continuing the family line, and that's not going to happen if I'm unattractive and fat

the fact is I have been told my entire life that me being wanted was impossible, if anybody desired me they would keep it a secret out of fear of ridicule, and anybody who would be open about it must have a specific fetish or be using me

I want to be wanted, hell there are times I'm desperate to get catcalled, because that proves somebody finds me attractive enough to express that. (even if the reality of it is objectifying and rude) the basis of these sorts of fantasies are often rooted in being seen as so desirable, so wanted, that any and all restraint goes out of the window. (you know that romance trope line that's like, "are you sure? because once we start i don't know if i can stop." same idea) the tendency towards trafficking and sexual slavery are also rooted in this, but with the added bit of "see, somebody wants me so bad they will spend money on me, to own me. they will fuck me in a crowded room without shame because their desire for me isn't something they're ashamed about, i am a prize, and the fact they get to fuck me is something they will gloat about."

one of the major appeal of monsters is that they wouldn't be bogged down by our social expectations, or they would have ones of their own. there is no fear regarding being wanted despite my looks, because the things about myself I have been told make me unattractive, are things that they openly and voraciously desire. Also, for the fat folks in the chat, wanting to be picked up and tossed around by your partner is largely something we can't have, (BMI is bullshit but mine is nearly double what it "should" be) you don't have to worry about that if your partner is an 8+ foot tall creature that can suplex a sedan

so while in reality, me being stocky and fat is seen as something that makes me unattractive, a werewolf would look at me and go "ah, yes, broad as a brick wall and twice as thicc, he can take it in a tumble."

can you see where the overlap occurs?

obviously there are some generalizations and assumptions based on my own biases here, and everybody's got their peculiarities, but these are themes I have seen throughout my many years too many online

I also just think monster fucker spaces are a little more open to taboo kinks. like wanting to fuck a werewolf who could kill you at any second is already weirder than most people want to go. thank you for sharing your perspective anon.

[sweetchildcloud]

How Alastor would be as a boyfriend/lover pt.2

Pairing: Alastor x A!Reader

Tags:fluff,cute,maybe OOC?[out of character again :/],Alastor being jelaous,period(mestr*ation),supportive Alastor during tough times with d*pression

P.S: this is shorter than the first part so i'm sorry if you didn't enjoy this as much :/ also if you're wondering why i putted the period part even tough the reader is anon is because i want to reach people who transgender [god i wrote it so bad but i hope you understand what i meant]

@muzansslxt @candy69gurl @kiwicopia

It is true that Alastor can be a bit jealous when you are talking with other people, especially strangers. He is very possessive of you and does not like to share you, and will often find excuses to join your conversations or get you away from the other person. He can sometimes be passive aggressive or sulk if you continue to engage with the stranger despite his efforts at cutting off the conversation.

However, Alastor will never become violent or aggressive towards you for engaging with strangers. He respects your right to interact with others, but he also would rather you spend your time with him instead. He just really likes being around you and is somewhat possessive of you. He will often shower you with affection and compliments to let you know how important you are to him in an effort to ensure that you choose to spend your time with him rather than strangers. [and if he succed he will wrap an arm around your shoulders as the two of you walk away from the guy you've been talking to, as he looked behind him and staring at the stranger smiling wikedly "she's mine pal" you:"mhm? what did you said Al?" "oh nothing dear,let's just go"]

But if you continue to ignore him and keep talking to strangers, he will start to become frustrated and may express a subtle jealousy or resentment. However, he will never force you to leave or yell at you for continuing your conversations. He may sulk or give you the silent treatment for a bit, but he will never become violent or verbally abusive towards you. Instead, he will just quietly let his feelings of jealousy and possessiveness boil under the surface.

If you confront him about his jealousy, he will deny it at first but will eventually admit to being jealous and possessive. He will explain that he just really likes being around you and doesn't want to share you with other people. He will admit that it is not fair to be jealous and that he wants to work on it, but he just can't help how he feels when you talk with other people. He is willing to try working on his jealousy but he asks that you be patient and understanding with him.

He may also admit that he feels a bit insecure or not good enough when you talk to others, and that he is worried he is not good enough to keep your attention and affection. He will ask that you assure him that he is enough for you and that you are not thinking about other people. He is willing to work on his jealous and possessive tendencies and is willing to communicate about his feelings more openly with you in an effort to improve.

Alastor is mature and understanding about this issue. Whenever you have your period, he will be understanding and supportive and will not make a big deal out of it. He will not react in any sort of negative way or shame you for it, and will instead simply try to take care of you and make you feel comfortable. He might even bring you a hot water bottle to help alleviate your cramps, or make you a cup of tea to help relax you.

In addition to caring for you during your period, he also wants to make sure you have the right necessities on hand to get through it smoothly. He will often bring you tampons or pads, painkillers and other essentials to help with your period. He may also bring you chocolate or comfort foods to cheer you up and help distract you from the uncomfortable symptoms.

Even if you accidentally bleed on the bed and taint it, Alastor will not shame you or get angry. He will be understanding and compassionate about the situation, and will not react in any negative way. He will simply help you to clean the sheets, and then comfort you afterwards. He understands that accidents can happen, and it's nothing to be ashamed of.

If you're depressed and feel overwhelmed, Alastor will be as kind and thoughtful as ever. He will be attentive and comforting, and will offer you a shoulder to cry on or even just listen to you and let you vent to him. He will also try to encourage you to do things that make you feel better or distract yourself and take your mind off of it. He will make sure that you are cared for and comforted during this time, and will do whatever he can to ease your sadness.

He may also suggest things that could potentially help you feel better, such as exercising or going for a walk, but he won't force you to do anything you're not comfortable with. He understands that feeling depressed is not easy and can be draining and overwhelming, and he will do his best to be supportive and encouraging while also giving you space and respecting your boundaries.

If you do decide to take his suggestions, he will try to go along and help you with whatever you are doing. He will try to keep things light and make jokes to make you laugh as it can help uplift your mood. He will also encourage you and compliment you along the way to try to boost your confidence and give you positive reinforcement that you are doing well. 

On the other hand, if you decide to take some time to yourself and spend some time alone to process your feelings, he will respect that too. He will let you be alone and will check up on you periodically to make sure you are doing okay and ask if there is anything you need him to do. He understands that depression is a personal journey and sometimes being alone can help you focus on sorting through your feelings, so he will keep a respectful distance during that time.

hope you liked this second part and if there is something wrong tell me i wrote this on the verge of falling asleep so.... :/

[eunxhan]

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❝ Who knew getting dominated by some human would feel this good? ❞

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Ꮺ Anon Requested ⨾ hihi! The req you wrote was so good! /pos

Hua cheng and xielian my beloved hehe. Anyways! I'm so happy that you're in WHB! Can i req dom top male reader with the kings? I'm a sucker for domtop reader with a harem and i really love your writing style. But if you don't write harem then just choose one is fine! /pos gen

Ꮺ Eun Replies ⨾ Hello, Thank you i did my best with the requests ^^! This took me more than a couple of errors, I'm not used to writing NSFW as i easily get flustered by some.. I'll be making multiple parts of this because i quite enjoyed this. This took me the longest but i hope you do enjoy my work.

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Ꮺ Disclaimer — THIS IS NSFW, if you're underage i would recommend to stop reading if not then I'm not responsible for what you consume. English is not my main!

Reader & Genre ⨾ TOP!DOM!MALE!reader,

Words used ⨾ 11, 100+

Character ⨾ SATAN, MAMMON.

Links ⨾ My Navigation and Mandates

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He would likely be somewhat surprised and taken aback by a dominant male top. He's the King of Gehenna, he wouldn't accept this– oh he would.

Satan has been portrayed to be a very dominant and controlling person, so having someone else suddenly take the lead and control the situation would probably be quite unnerving for him.

Satan would likely try to put up a bit of a fight and push back against the Male but would likely find himself feeling a little overwhelmed and overwhelmed by the new dynamic. Both Men would fight over who's top and who's bottom. Actual wrestling on the bed.

Him being a very dominant and controlling figure, would likely be accustomed to always having the upper edge in conversations and interactions with others.

When presented with a dominant and controlling Lover, whom also has the means and power to physically overpower him, Satan's confidence and arrogance may suddenly start to waver and be shaken.

Satan would likely try to maintain his composure and act as if he's still in control and everything is fine. However, after hours of convincing and reassurance, Satan would likely come to accept the dominance of the reader, though it would probably take some time for him to fully adjust to it.

Satan's pride and ego would likely get the better of him at first, making him reluctant to surrender control to you, but once he does adapt and surrender control, he would likely learn to enjoy and appreciate the new dynamic. Starting to become more vulnerable and submissive towards the dominant man, as he would begin to develop more trust and affection towards him.

Satan would feel somewhat embarrassed and shy when faced with the dominance and boldness of you. He'll be slightly taken aback by the reader's confidence and assertiveness, which would likely make him feel out of his comfort zone.

However, Satan would secretly feel giddy and excited by your aggressive control and dominance. Teasing the dominant man as if his back is not gonna get broken, please shut him up or... Be the reason why he's crying loud.

He's very eager to let go of his dominance and submit to you. He would likely give in to your dominance and allow you to take the lead, following your instructions and requests. Satan also take pleasure in being handled and used however you prefers, and would likely have no objections to being submissive and compliant to your dominance.

Kiss his confidence points which is his shoulders and arm muscles, you would feel him clenching on your length alongside hearing his soft whimper against your ear. If you happen to have heavy hands, slap him. Slap him as hard as you can and he's releasing all over the bed and on your stomach.

His eyes will be open, not wanting them to close as he wants to see your reactions and how you create your sounds. He likes seeing how pleased you are with him and his body. Keep your face close to him, if not he would cling his arms around your neck in keeping you close.

Feeling the way your hips moving harshly, creating loud and wet noises by both of your skins slapping each other, This man would be aroused and slightly surprised. Hearing how loud and abrupt the movements are, he was in heaven.. Well how you treat him feels like it.

He would likely feel a mix of pleasure and excitement, and would probably feel like doing more than just remaining still, such as moving his own hips to meet the movements of yours or grabbing your hips and assisting in your movements.

If you were to degrade and humiliate him, he would reply with louder moans and whimpers. Sometimes he would tease you back, denying your words but the way he's being a cock whore for you says the opposite.

"You're so much better when you're submissive and compliant." You whispered against his ear as you hold both of the King's horns harshly to keep the man in place. As much as Satan wants to reply he's struggling too much with the force of your movements and the pain of the slaps to reply properly. Satan would likely also feel reluctant to admit to himself that it feels good to give in to the dominance and be handled by the reader. "The way you obediently follow my commands and give in to my dominance is so hot." you groaned before slapping his ass, making Satan shiver under you. He couldn't even form his words as if he's speaking in gibberish. "Your pride and arrogance hold you back from experiencing even more pleasure." You continued degrading him, letting go of his horns and sneaking your arms around his torso. "Let go of them and let me take control of you, baby?" your voice wavering as you feel your end, your hips shaking the same way as Satan's. "'M..'M close! [_] close! Please! Keep using my body!" he pleaded, which you agreed to his plea. You always love cumming together, a few thrusts and both of you are letting out a moan as you cum inside and Satan on the sheets before falling. Being inside in a second before pulling out, watching it drip out of him.

"No one could dominate you as good as me, so why not just submit to me and enjoy being handled by a superior dominant top?" You teased, chuckling as you look at him. Completely destroyed, his hair a mess, his whole body filled with marks and bruises, the way the demon is shaking. Oh he would ask for another round even if he's completely beaten up.

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Mammon would likely be taken aback a little bit by the dominance and assertiveness of yours.

Mammon would likely feel quite embarrassed and flustered being in such a submissive position, as it is not something he is used to in his usual role in the group. He wouldn't say no, he would gladly agree to it. As long as he's feeling you all over, that's enough for him.

If you happen to prepare Mammon, he would likely feel some level of excitement and anticipation, especially if you were touching him. He's bigger in figure and taller than you, unless you're a titan. Of course his back is laying on the bed, seeing your face. Let him keep his hands on your ass, he likes it and he's been doing good.

You touching him in a way that he found pleasurable and was preparing him, Mammon would likely feel more relaxed and comfortable with the dominance of the Man. However, even if Mammon was being prepared and touched by his lover.

In bed, Mammon would likely be responsive and obedient to your instructions. He would likely let you take control and guide his movements in bed.

Mammon's usual dominating and commanding personality would likely take a backseat, allowing you to take charge. He would likely take delight in giving in to you and experiencing the pleasure of a dominant top's control.

As he's not much of a vocal man but you'll hear his groans and whines, the way his head rolls back is enough to know that he's enjoying you.

You could tie Mammon's hands and feet together in order to make him even more submissive and pliable. Of course it'll be gold, it makes him even more prettier for you. He loves feeling pretty for you.

You could tie him down and blindfolded him, taking control of his senses and heightening the feelings of dominance and submission. Lick his horns and he would come in a second, lick his nipples and he's moaning your name.

Use verbal commands to direct Mammon's movements during bed. He's so obedient for you, sometimes teasing you just to get a chuckle from you. Push and pull him into different positions, he likes being surprised especially blindfolded.

Touch and caress him, praise him by calling him a good boy. He's whimpering for you, he likes being touched and praised. Hold hands is a must every time you both feel like coming, you'll see him pouting after if you didn't.

When you kept praising Mammon while both their hips continued to move harshly, Mammon would likely feel an overwhelming mix of pleasure and embarassment. Enjoying the feeling of your praise and compliments. It would make him feel desired and valued, and boost his confidence and ego. On the other hand, he would feel embarrassed and shy about the fact that you kept calling him a "submissive puppy" and calling out his submissive behavior in bed.

Kissing and caressing Mammon while using your hands to hold Mammon's neck and face, forcing Mammon to look at you while you praise and encourage him.

" You're such a good boy, aren't you? Taking all these thrusts like a good boy that you are. " You grunted as your hands on his demon's inner thighs, forcing them to spread wide open. Watching Mammon's dick bounce as well as his thighs jiggle each thrust, "your.. Good boy" he mumbled along the way with his soft whines, trying to open his legs more to feel his Top. You above him chuckled, liking how obedient his submissive demon is. " You're such an obedient and compliant boy. " He replied back, one of your hand squeezing Mammon's tits. " Just keep following my commands and let me use your body however I like. " The demon moaned on your words, he loved hearing your voice. His hand goes on top of the yours which was on his tits, his eyes glistening as he pulls your hand to caress his cheek."Treasure.." he whined softly, hinting that he want you close which you did lean closer to kiss him. "c..cumming" he muffled between your lips, "come for me, baby" You ordered, moving your hand on his intertwined. Your hips moves drastically which made him cry out, his back arching before both of you released your essences. The demon wrapped his legs around your waist, not wanting you to pull out yet. "I want you inside longer.." he demanded, he likes feeling you inside. He can go hours or days even, you give him a peck kiss on the cheek as you listen to him.

Looking at him, he was drenched with sweat, saliva, and cum. His thighs were shaking a bit from how long they stretched for. You guys would be fighting over who's doing aftercare, he loves taking care of you and you being a gentleman would insist into taking care of him.

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Ꮺ ⨾ I DO NOT CONSENT TO MY WORK BEING COPIED OR TRANSLATED.

[obsessivelyloved]

This was requested on one of my nsfw blogs but I went insane and made it 3,000 words long. So I can post most of it here lol. Just know that in my heart, this takes place in Arkham. Also I'm super rusty so I apologize if anything feels off/wonky. The ending is abrupt here bc the rest of it/the ending is nsfw. I was up til 5am writing this and I'm not writing a sfw ending for this blog until after i get more sleep.

Anon asks: I’m a big sucker for Psych Au fics. Reader is a cis female doctor who treats Tord with kindness. He becomes obsessed with her. Refuses to talk to any other doctor. Tord is always on his best behavior for her which leads her to let her guard down. BIG MISTAKE

___________________________________________________________

“You dropped this.” 

The man stares at you wide eyed as you hand him his lighter. He stands, rigid. You give him a gentle smile and press it into his palm, your other hand curling around the back of his hand. 

“I know there’s no fluid in it, so you don’t have to worry about me taking it,” you say to him. You pat his hand and step away.

The man turns fully towards you and you’re able to read the name sewed onto his shirt. 

“I-” the man- Tord- swallows hard. He quickly pockets the lighter. “Thank you.” 

You give him another smile and walk past him. He seemed to be going the same way as you but he never caught up. Nor did you hear footsteps behind you. Once you reach the director’s office, he leaves your thoughts. You were determined to make a good first impression on your first day of the job. 

The man you met earlier had turned out to be your first patient. And oh boy, what a patient he was. Like you had promised yourself you weren’t going to judge any of these people but god damn. His file was thick. At least twenty papers were inside the manilla folder you had received from the head director’s office. Maybe even more. 

You’d never know if you kept standing outside the director’s office gawking at it. You take a deep breath. Going through it sitting down was probably a good idea. As you make your way to the breakroom, your grip on the folder is tight, trying your best to make sure you don’t drop it and reveal your patient's file. 

Thankfully, it doesn’t take you long to get to the breakroom. A few people were there but they paid you no mind. They sit, hunched over lunch or their own files. You sit and start to read. 

Løvik Tord

3 7 2 5 9

DOB: 1995

Age: 28

Hair: Dark brown with lighter brown roots

Eye: Silver

You end up skimming through this until you get to the bottom of the page. It wasn’t… pretty. 

CASE INFORMATION: 

Tord is a violent man. He is aggressive, manipulative, and has a short temper. Many doctors have tried working with him to no avail. He does not respond kindly to Dr.Casey (see page 5), Dr.Bonnie (see page 8), Dr.Roxy (see page 12), or Dr.Harley (see page 15). 

He is extremely aggressive towards Dr. Bruce (see page 20). 

You stop reading there, your chest feeling tight. You flip to page twenty. It’s not the last page like you had hoped. There were still…. Quite a bit in the file. 

Dr.Bruce has tried everything he can to help Tord. He has tried finding common ground with the patient. Has tried being lax and strict with Tord’s schedule. Has tried working with Tord and letting him sit outside. Tord had found every loophole and burned every bridge until Dr.Bruce stopped lenient treatments. Tord stabbed Dr.Bruce fifteen times before guards made their way into the room. 

It is unknown how and where he had gotten his hands on a sharp long blade. Tord was seen licking the blood of-

“Don’t worry if you can’t fix him. At this point, Doctor Markman hands his case off to fresh blood to showcase this place. No one expects you to be able to tame him.” 

You startle at the voice, goosebumps raised on your arms. “I’m sorry?” you ask with a polite smile. Anger clouded your fear. What the hell was this person talking about?

The doctor, Alice, her name tag reads, smiles at you. 

“Nearly everyone has tried working with him at this point,” she continues. “No one expects him to ever get better. He's here for murder, after all.” 

You give her a tight smile in return. “I’ll just have to see for myself.” 

Before she can keep going, you straighten up the papers and close the folder. 

“I appreciate the advice, but I must be going now,” you lie through your teeth. What bullshit! What kind of doctors run this place? 

You actually hadn’t needed to be anywhere for another thirty minutes but if this conversation continued you wouldn’t be able to hold your tongue. Everyone can be saved. With compassion and kindness and help, no one was beyond redemption. Or too far gone for help. 

You storm out of the breakroom and wander. 

“I was hoping I’d see you again.” 

Tord grins at you as he’s escorted in. His hands are cuffed and before he can sit down, the guard pats him down. 

It makes your stomach churn but you keep your face kind. 

“It’s nice to see you too,” you greet. You watch cautiously as he sits down in the plush chair. The guard leaves the room. 

Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick.

It’s silent enough to hear the clock as the two of you study each other. He seems to drink you in, eyes wandering up and down, seeming to take in everything. You’d do the same if you weren’t a professional. 

“You used to dye your hair?” 

Tord raises an eyebrow. He tilts his head a little, eyes focused solely on you. It unnerves you almost as much as his file had. No patient of yours had ever stared at you so intensely in the past….

After a moment, he answers. “Yes. I fancied black quite a bit.” He gestures towards his roots. “It’s been a while since Bruce got me more dye. No one else will.” 

“I could look into it,” you clasp your hands, jumping into this opportunity. “I can’t promise anything, but I’ll talk to Doctor Marksman.” 

“And what do you want from me in return?”

“I’m sorry?” 

His gaze hardens. “What. do. You. want.” He grinds out, his body rigid in the chair. His hands were clenched.

Without thinking, puzzlement falls across your face. What did he mean? What did you want? For him to get better, obviously. 

“I want you to be at ease with your mental health,” you answer, still looking puzzled. “I don’t want anything else from this job but that. I’m not dangling hair dye in front of you in exchange. I want you to feel comfortable in your skin and at home here, Mr.Løvik.” 

Tick. Tick. Tick. Tick. 

“Is that really what you want?” Tord asks, an emotion you can’t quite place in his voice. “To help me get better?” 

Whatever it may be, you smile at him. 

“Of course. I want nothing but to see you succeed and be happy here.” 

Things were easier after that first session. You always started off kindly, asking Tord how his day was going. If his favorite show or movie had aired on the television today.If his favorite food had been served that morning or afternoon. If he slept fine through the dreadful storm. 

(“I know I wasn’t,” you had laughed. “I tossed and turned, jumping at each sound all night.”

“I’m sure your boyfriend was quite displeased.”

“Oh,” you chuckle. “Well, no. I have a cat but no boyfriend. I was too busy getting my decree to ever really mingle like that. Though, my poor little man was also distraught at all the thunder last night. He yowled at my door until I let him into my room and he curled up on my bed. I’ll bring pictures next time.”) 

Too well for you and only you. Tord refused to talk to anyone but you. He would sit in silence or insult other doctors during his sessions. In one instance, he broke a new doctor’s nose. The poor guy had quit on the spot, cussing Tord and the whole place out as he was escorted to the medical section. 

You were tense the next few sessions but that violent man was nowhere to be found. He kept his cuffed hands right in front where you can see them at all times. He never lunged from you. In fact, barely ever moved in his chair. 

Tord was easygoing. Polite, charming, even. He took any medications he needed obediently and put up no fuss when you’d have him describe in later sessions how he was feeling and if he was feeling any negative side effects. 

He asked about your cat. About how your favorite show was going. If the movie you were looking forward to has come out yet. If your favorite restaurant down the street from your apartment was still closed for renovations. 

Eventually, enough time had passed that you relaxed. You stopped keeping your eyes trained on his hands. You stopped worrying yourself sick about his body language. You focused on his treatments and his mental health. 

If he was going to hurt me he would have done so by now, you thought to yourself after your latest session with Tord. He was doing so much better than he had been doing six months ago. It seemed as if you were really making a difference, helping him improve. 

It had been three months since he last fought another patient. Two months since he assaulted another doctor. And five months since he refused treatment of any kind. 

You step outside the building and take a deep breath. A dopey smile sticks to your face as you walk to your car. Becoming a doctor was the best choice you’ve ever made. Nothing was more rewarding than helping people. Not even this cloudy weather could bring you down. 

In fact, nothing tried to drag your mood down. There was no traffic on the way home. Some asshole hadn’t parked in your assigned parking spot again in the parking lot of your apartment. And your sweet cat hadn’t knocked his little box over again. 

You happily reheat your leftovers and watch tv for a while before you get ready for bed. Unfortunately, your mood does come crashing down. 

In the middle of the night, thunder wakes you. You jolt up, scrambling for your phone. Your hands come up empty. Shit, you think. I left it charging in the kitchen. Ugh. Oh well, you don’t need to look at your phone to see it is late and storming. 

Another loud sound booms through your apartment. Only this time, it sounds like a crash. 

“It’s just thunder,” you tell yourself. “Nothing to be afraid of.” You lay back down. Your eyes shut and you’re just about drifting to sleep when your door creeks open. 

You bolt up, knowing damn well that your cat can’t open doors and you freeze. 

Your heart races as your mind tries to process just who was in front of you. 

“Tord?” you whimper, hands shaking. But that can’t be. That was impossible. He was supposed to be sleeping soundly in his room with the soundproof headphones you got him. He didn’t like storms. The thunder reminded him too much of gunshots and made him restless. 

Useless information floods your brain. 

“I’m home, sweetheart,” he rasps. His grin is soft in the moonlight. He reaches over to flick on your bedroom light. 

He’s gentle he’s kind he’s sweet he’s-

He’s covered in blood.

Tord steps forward and you’re frozen in bed. His eyes are wild as they drink you in. There’s blood on his hands. In his hair. Splatters on his face. 

“Oh honey how I’ve dreamed of this,” he croons at the foot of your bed. “Your apartment is just as cute as you described.” 

[messedupfan]

Chapter 20

Summary: The kids school is having it's annual end of year fundraiser, an adult only event for the parents of the school to make donations to the school fun. You bring Nebula as your date. Wanda gets a little help from Agatha. Jean and Anna decide to separate for sometime.

Dedicated to: Orange Anon 🧃 (HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!!)

Warning: Some smut, a masterbation scene with fantasizing 18+

A/n: Hello!!! I have been dying to write this chapter since December!!! Glad to finally be here. Although, I haven't been able to edit much since I've been busy so major apologies for errors. Can't wait to see the comments for this one. Hope y'all enjoy!

Masterlist | All Stories Taglist  | All Chapters

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With summer break approaching, the school is constantly informing, or rather aggressively reminding parents about their end-of-year fundraiser. Wanda avoided the event last year because she was still deep in her depression and consumed by grief. The last thing she wanted to do was attend the same event her ex-husband and his beautiful young wife were at, especially at a time when she could barely get the motivation to get dressed up. Agatha tried to get her to come but she eventually gave up. Now that it's coming up, she can't help but think about the difference the possibility of meeting you sooner would have affected her life. Not knowing that you also avoided attending the event last year as well. 

“Mom!” The boys cheer as they run up to her at pick up. They give her tight hugs. It's not her week with them but Vision called her during his lunch to explain that things are tense at home and the boys have been asking to stay with her. She held back from commenting on his pattern of cheating and creating hostile environments in his own home. She doesn't need to fight with him or try to involve herself in his personal life again. All she needs to do is worry about her children. It's something that her therapist suggested and it's been helpful in these past several months. 

“Ugh, I hope you boys never grow up!” She grins as she holds them tightly. She doesn't want to see them tall and ignoring her as teenagers. She doesn't think she can handle the rejection. She likes them small and adoring her. 

“Ms. Wanda!” Rachel runs towards them instead of her mom who is standing a few feet away. She joins in on the hug. “Is Tommy and Billy's daddy on a trip again?” She says as she looks up at Wanda. 

Wanda laughs, “Something like that. Where's your mom?” She looks around the playground until she finds Jean walking towards them. 

“Hey! It's been a while since I've seen you,” she greets happily. Wanda has to pretend like she doesn't know the stunt that Jean tried to pull several months ago. The last thing she heard about your situation with your ex-wife was that things were getting better since the two of you started to focus on Rachel. Wanda thought that it was great that the two of you were getting along again, but she wasn’t quick to forgive what Jean tried to do to you. 

“Hey, Jean! It has been too long,” Wanda greets politely. Rachel steps away from Wanda and greets her mom with a hug that is just as tight. “How is everything?” 

“Oh I'm sure Y/n keeps you well informed,” Jean replies. It was true for the months that you were single and a couple of months after you found out about the weirdest kidnapping she'd ever heard of. But it hasn't been true for some time. Wanda is lucky if she can get an update on your life as it is. You have been occupying most of your time with Nebula. If it weren't for a couple of orders coming in from your online shop, she wouldn't see you at all. 

Unfortunately, even though you're working in her backyard on the weekends, the two of you don't talk much. She isn't sure if it's you pulling away or her but it hurt either way. 

“Not really,” Wanda says without her expression wavering. 

“Oh! Um, I've been doing well. How-How  have you been?” She asks as she runs her fingers through Rachel's hair. 

“I've been really great lately, yeah,” Wanda looks down at the boys with a soft smile. “I keep getting extra time with my boys which is fantastic.” She looks up at Jean again. Her eyes do a small scan of the woman. She is in her work attire but there is a coffee stain on her shirt that is poking out of her blazer. She has dark circles under her eyes. She looks tired even with a smile on her face. “We should catch up sometime,” Wanda says politely. Jean looks like she could use a friend. Thinking of it now, other than you, Wanda isn't sure that she's heard of Jean having friends. Maybe she has friends with her wife? She isn't sure. And right now, you're not in the best position to be her friend. 

“I'd like that a lot,” Jean replies. Her smartwatch starts to buzz and she sighs. “Work is calling. I have to get going. Come on love bug,” she takes Rachel's hand and starts walking towards the parking lot. 

“Are you guys ready to go home?” Wanda asks her kids and they both nod. She guides them out to her car in the parking lot. 

You are sitting alone on your couch on a Friday night thinking about Wanda. You've been doing everything that you can to give yourself some space from her. Nebula eventually asked about your friendship with Wanda during one of your dates with her months ago. The two of you were eating gelaties, a flavored Italian ice with frozen custard on top. You were enjoying the sweet flavors of mango ice combined with vanilla custard as well as the smooth textures of the treat. There wasn't a treat quite like it. Nebula was enjoying their blue raspberry ice topped with cotton candy-flavored custard. 

“So, are you and Wanda just friends?” She asked seemingly out of the blue. You weren't sure where the question was coming from. At the moment, you ran through every conversation you'd had with Nebula until that point to see if you mentioned Wanda more than you should have. But you can't come up with a number. 

“Truthfully?” You asked as you mixed the vanilla custard further into the mango ice. 

“No, lie to me,” she quipped with a slight smirk. 

“Okay, fair enough,” you took a deep breath. “I've considered becoming more than friends with her. But it was complicated. Then she made it less complicated when she rejected me.” You didn't want to lie to her the way that you were lying to Daisy. It nearly killed you during that time.

Nebula got quiet and her smirk disappeared. Even with the shop being busy with other customers ordering. Chats happened at the surrounding tables. Everything felt still in her silence. Everyone seemed to vanish completely, leaving only the two of you, sitting in an empty Rita’s alone. 

You watched her as you swirled your spoon around in your cup. She seemed to be in deep thought. You felt a slight panic tighten your chest and churn your stomach. 

“Is that a problem?” You finally asked. 

Nebula’s distinctive eyes connected with yours again. “No,” she answered. 

You couldn't tell if she was being honest or not. But you didn't question her. You just made a promise to yourself that you weren't going to allow your feelings to continue to grow for Wanda. A task that was easier said than done. 

You started small. Ignoring a text from her here and there. Well, not completely ignoring them. You just wouldn't respond as fast as you normally would. Then you stopped going by as much. Rachel's therapy appointments made it easier to stay away from Wanda’s for some time. But eventually, you began to miss her. You would call her whenever you got a chance to check-in. Then you fell asleep talking to her on the phone one night and you had to pull back on that as well. 

As fate would have it, you received two custom orders which meant you had to spend time at Wanda’s. She was excited when you told her that you had two projects to work on. The two of you embraced each other tightly. You closed your eyes and breathed her in. You missed her scent. You missed the way her body felt against yours. You missed her laugh. You missed her smile. 

You had to build more boundaries. Whenever you came to work in the shed in the backyard, you never went through the house. Even if you had Rachel with you. She would walk through the front door and you would slip in through the gate on the side of the house. You’d bring lunch and you'd leave before dinner. Wanda never bothered you. She seemed to understand that the two of you needed time apart from each other. 

The more you pushed yourself away from her. The more she invaded your every thought. You swore you could feel something pulling you towards her. It made nights like these difficult. Shortly after your conversation with her about Wanda, Nebula stated that the two of you were dating and non-exclusive. You were a little thrown off because you thought that she only wanted to see you. But you had to face the fact that she wasn't the only person you wanted to see. So you didn't get upset or argue. You accepted the status of the relationship. Nebula is on a date right now and all you want to do is be with Wanda. You wonder how much of her time Nebula is going to continue to waste on you. 

You open and close your phone multiple times. Hoping for a message from someone, anyone, so that you can get your mind to stop thinking about Wanda and what she might be doing tonight. That's when your mind gets stuck on the idea that she also might be on a date with someone. To your knowledge, she doesn't have the kids this week so she's available. 

You start to imagine her sitting in front of someone with her smile and it hurts. You don't want her to be with anyone else. But you do want her to be happy. You shake your head turn on the television and scroll through the streaming channels. You don't know what you're in the mood to watch. 

You throw on a movie you've heard about for years but never got around to watching. Your stomach rumbles so you get up and go to the kitchen to make something. As you start cooking, you imagine Wanda coming up behind you and wrapping her arms around your waist. It's so real you can feel it. Then you try to picture anyone else but you can't. You've had moments like that with Jean and with Daisy. But you couldn't visually remember them. You close your eyes for a second and sigh as you think about Wanda leaning her head against your back. You think about how you would lift your arm to get her to slip under and rest her head on your chest. You think about how you would kiss her as she hugged you from the side. 

The aroma of your food cooking snaps you out of the fantasy. You focus on cooking so that you don’t burn the building down daydreaming about your friend. As you sit in front of the television you realize that you left the movie playing so you start it from the beginning and pay attention while you eat. 

As you watch the movie, you start to imagine Wanda curled up next to you watching the movie with you. When you try to get rid of that image and focus on the movie, your mind wanders back to what she is doing tonight. Who is she with? Is she seeing anyone? Is she back to hooking up with random people? 

What if she was hooking up with you? You wonder. 

As the couple in the movie confess their feelings to each other you stop paying attention and start to think about being in Wanda's house. The both of you a bit tipsy from the Sokovian vodka. Her favorite because it reminds her of her parents and their culture. You're making her laugh because she gets your sense of humor. Then there's a moment when her eyes connect with yours. And nothing is holding either of you back. 

You kiss her and she holds your face to keep you close. You crawl closer to her and she falls back. You try to hover over her as you continue to kiss her but she pulls you on top of her because she wants you as close to her as possible. She needs you as close to her as possible. 

You look down at your hands as you imagine what her breasts would feel like. How firm is it? How soft? Would she prefer that you squeeze it roughly or would she like a gentle massage? You lick your lips as you imagine her nipples. How hard they would be. You think about tracing them with your tongue. You wonder what her sweat would taste like. 

You shove your hand in your pants to touch yourself as your mind continues to torture you with images of her. Your lips on her abdomen. The way her face would contort from the pleasure. Seeing how she might bite her lips to stifle her sighs. Your senses don't stop there. You start to hear her sighs. Her soft moans. Maybe she’d call out your name when you're doing something wrong. Or she'll beg you for more. You swear you can smell her now. Then finally, as you start to reach your climax, you imagine what her juices tastes like. You think about how you'd perform cunnilingus right then and there. Because there are no kids to worry about. No one to interrupt. It's just you and Wanda. 

You reach your orgasm and breathe heavily as you come down from your high. The image of Wanda fades from your mind. You sit there for a moment. Reminding yourself of where you are. Then you feel disgusting. How could you think of your friend like that? She is your friend and nothing more. You quickly get up and go to your bathroom to wash your hands. You change your underwear and replace your jeans with sweatpants. 

There wasn't a mess on the couch but you feel guilty for getting off on the couch your daughter watches her cartoons on and remove the covers on the cushions to throw in the wash. The movie’s credits roll and you flip on a random sitcom to try and lighten your mood. You sit on the single chair that matches your couch as you wait for the washer to be done. 

You sigh as you think about what you need to change in your life. Then there is a knock on your door. You check your watch as you frown. It's pretty late. You rack your brain as you consider the possibilities of people on the other side of the door. There's another knock, this one a little more rapid. You get up and shut off the television. You peer through the peephole in the door before quickly opening it. 

“Jean, what's wrong?” You ask as you let her and Rachel inside. 

“Anna and I got in a really big argument and we just couldn't stay there,” Jean says as she walks through the door. 

“Hey bug,” you smile at your confused and sleepy daughter. It was way past her bedtime and she was in her pajamas. You lift her in your arms and carry her to her bedroom. You tuck her into bed and close the door to her room. You look down at the door handle and sigh. You shake your head. You really hope this doesn't affect the progress that has been made over the last couple of months. You're going to contact her therapist in the morning after you get all of the details from Jean. 

“What happened to your couch?” Jean asks as she takes your spot in the chair. She has makeup all over her face. Her eyes are bloodshot and her cheeks are puffy. You scan her face to look for any signs of a slap or worse. You don't see any and you hope, for your daughter's sanity, that Jean didn't strike Anna. She might not be as understanding of something like that.

“I spilled something on it and threw the covers in the wash,” you sit on the coffee table in front of her. You try to keep your gaze soft and stay patient. But you really needed to know what happened and why Jean thought it was a good idea to not only leave her home in the middle of an argument with her wife but stay at her ex’s for the night. Disrupting your daughter's sleep in the process. 

She keeps her eyes locked on the stripped cushions on the couch. The corner of her mouth lifts. “Remember when we bought our first couch?” She starts softly and you can tell that her vocal chords are exhausted. You wonder how long she was in a screaming match with Anna. “It was white because it just had to be. It was the first big purchase we made with my discount at the store. Your grandma told us to wrap it in plastic and neither of us listened. We could hardly afford it at the time, but she offered to loan her set until we could.” 

You nod as you remember exactly what memory she is thinking of. “I remember,” you say softly. “You refused because you thought it looked tacky. But Rachel was two and constantly walking and running around. That sofa was covered in so many different colors of food stains before the end of the year, it became an entirely new couch.” You start to laugh as you're reminded of how horrible the smell was. “Gosh it took us months to get rid of the smell even after we tossed the damn thing out.” 

“Oh gosh,” Jean covers her face as she starts to laugh. “Don't remind me, I still sometimes think the smell is lingering in the house.” She moves her fingers through her hair and takes a deep breath. “Anna isn't so sure that she wants to be part of this family anymore,” Jean finally admits. 

“I'm sure the two of you will work it out,” you say to comfort her. There isn't much else you can say to her about it. This isn't the first time that Anna has expressed wanting to leave Jean. A few weeks before their wedding, Anna had even disappeared for two days after an argument then came back as if nothing had happened. “Come on, I'll get you set up in my room. I'll take the couch,” you say as you offer her your hand while you stand up from the coffee table. Jean takes your hand with a small thank you. 

“The argument was really bad. I know I shouldn't have left and I shouldn't have woken Rachel up but,” tears start to stream down Jean's cheeks again. “I just had to get out of there.” You nod and once you're in your room, you pull her in for a warm embrace. 

“Jean, did you stop taking your medication when you decided you wanted a baby?” You ask softly as you continue to hold her. You don't want her to blow up at you for asking the question, so it's better to have her restrained in your arms. 

She doesn't react the way you expect. She doesn't take offense to the question. She doesn't accuse you of trying to call her a bad mother. She doesn't deny having an episode. Jean breaks down into heavy sobs in your arms as she admits that both her and Anna decided to stop taking their medications just in case you came around to the idea. You hold her until she stops crying and leave her tucked into your bed. When the cushion covers are done washing, you throw them in the dryer and watch TV until they're done so that you don't have to worry about fixing up the cushions in the morning. 

You pull out the bed that's in the couch and make it nice for yourself to sleep on. When everything is fixed up the way you like it, you shut off the TV and turn off the lights. You check the lock on the door before climbing into bed. You look at your phone one last time before you officially call it a night. No new messages. You sigh and scroll through social media for a little bit. When you land on a video you find funny, you send it to Wanda first. Then you send it to Nebula. 

In the morning, you wake up to two notifications, one from Nebula being critical about the video you sent her and the other from Wanda thanking you for the laugh. You respond to Nebula first and ask why she didn’t find it funny and a few minutes later you’re reading a novel of reasons why the video is offensive. You don’t have any idea what to respond with so you decide to make coffee in hopes that it will help you come up with something. 

But as you make coffee, Jean wakes up and joins you for a cup. You talk to her about the fight she had with her wife and she breaks down as she reveals that last night was the biggest fight but that there have been many over the months since they can't afford the other options to have a kid. You get even more side tracked when Rachel wakes up and you help Jean make breakfast for everyone. It reminds you of the past. Being a small family of three when the most drama in your life was being a young parent and spouse. 

Rachel doesn't say much about last night. Just that she was confused when she woke up in this bed and not the bed at her other home. “Hey Rachel guess what,” you say with a little smirk and you watch her take a bite of her toast. Her eyes widen as the both of you rush to say, “I love you,” first. She spits toast crumbs as she does, some land on the table and some splatter on her mom. 

“Gross!” Jean complains as she uses napkins to wipe her arm. “You did that on purpose, Y/n.” You and Rachel share a laugh. It was a little game that started when she was a toddler and learning how to speak. It began because whenever Jean was feeling affectionate, she would come up to you and say, “Guess what?” You would pretend to be clueless because you wanted to hear her say it and she would say, “I love you, you idiot.” 

Rachel began to pick up on it and she would start to say, “Baba, guess what?” In her little voice. You would smile and respond with, “I love you,” at the same time as she would. Eventually it became a competition of who could say it faster. It was endearing to hear your baby girl get frustrated while telling you that she loved you. 

It has survived all of these years and you fear the day that she rolls her eyes and reminds you that she's not a kid anymore. 

“I don't know what you're talking about,” you say to Jean as you help clean up the crumbs from the table. 

“Whatever,” she shakes her head with a light laugh. She looks at her plate of food and smiles as she is thrown back into so many good memories of being a family. “I'm sad that I forgot about that,” she admits as she looks over at Rachel who is completely focused on her breakfast now. Jean starts to comb her fingers through her daughter’s soft red hair. She recalls how excited she was when her daughter's hair started to grow out as red as her own. Rachel took after her for the most part but there is still a lot of you in her. Her smile is yours. Her nose is yours. Her ears are all you. As much as you try to pin those on Jean. 

“It's not really your game,” you say from the kitchen where you're tossing the used napkins into the trash bin. “I’d have been surprised if you did remember it.” You say as you return to your seat to finish your breakfast. 

Jean rests her elbow on the table and sets her chin on the palm of her hand as she watches you. She can't help but feel a little regretful for not working harder on the marriage she had with you. As you eat, you become aware of her gaze on you. With a confused frown you look at her and she gives you an apologetic expression before she clears her throat and goes back to eating her food. You ignore it. 

Anna is sitting in her kitchen all alone, slowly sipping her tea. She ia taking the time alone to consider if this is what she wants. She did this before her wedding day. She was getting anxious about fully commiting herself to Jean and to becoming a stepmom and figuring out where she fits into this family that she joined. So she took a weekend to run off and get a hotel room. She sat in her hotel room alone for the most part. 

At some point, she went to the indoor pool to people watch. There were little kids that needed more parental supervision than they had. She nearly had a heart attack watching a toddler fall into the deep end of the pool. She quickly swooped the little guy into her arms and returned him to the fearful mother. The woman thanked her profusely but Anna waved her off and found herself saying, “I’m a mom too. I would hope that someone wouldn't watch and let my daughter drown.” The woman got excited and wanted to hear more about the daughter that Anna wasn't sure she should commit to. Anna happily talked and bragged about Rachel and realized how easy it was. Then the woman's husband pulled her away because they had plans to get to. 

Anna was left alone again. She sat on one of the chairs and continued to watch people. There were two girls that were being bothered by a single guy. The girls themselves were single but weren't interested in him. Anna looked down at her engagement ring and knew she didn't want to be single anymore. 

Anna looks at her rings now. She still doesn't want to be single. Her chest feels heavy not having Rachel bounce around the kitchen waiting for breakfast. She misses hearing the cartoons on the television. She misses her wife's presence. She doesn't know why she is pushing away her family as much as she has been. She just feels like she didn't understand what she was signing up for. She buzzes air past her lips as she thinks about how everyone has told her that the first year of marriage is the hardest. 

She never wanted to believe them but everyone was right. Even Jean said it. Anna would just roll her eyes and remind Jean that she was a lot longer the first time around. 

As a test, she removes her rings and sets them on the counter space in front of her. She looks at her naked hand and considers leaving them off. But she quickly shoves the rings back on and grabs her keys. She needed advice and the person she sought advice from the most was her mom. 

Wanda is sitting with Agatha as they meet for brunch with their boys running around Agatha’s house. “Are you planning on going to that fundraiser?” Wanda asks as she takes a sip of her orange juice. 

Agatha rolls her eyes at being reminded of the event, “As much fun as it would be to remind everyone who the life of the party is. I was planning on going but then my mother called. She fell and sprained her wrist.” Wanda shows her concern and Agatha waves her off. “She'll be fine. She sprained her wrist years ago and when she's lonely she throws the brace back on and calls me in a panic.” She drinks her apple juice. “I don't always go but she wants to see Nick before he gets shipped off to that summer camp that his father found. So I'm going to drive up and spend that week with them.” 

“Damn, I was hoping that we could go together,” Wanda frowns as she picks at the paint chipping from her finger nails. 

“You wanted to go this year? Even with Vision and his child bride attending?” Agatha leans in, intrigued as she looks her friend up and down. “I see, you want an excuse to see Y/n.” 

“Or maybe make them jealous,” Wanda says shyly as she moves the scraps around her plate. It’s becoming apparent to her that no matter what, she wants to be with you. She made the mistake of guarding her heart and telling you to find someone else. She wasn't ready to accept that someone as genuine as you exists. In the back of her mind, she couldn't trust that you are good. She was afraid that you wouldn’t stay good once you were in a relationship with her. She was afraid that you would change the way that Vision did. 

When Wanda realized that Vision was never good, she was able to stop putting that fear in you. She was able to see the light and see that the only thing keeping her from her happiness is herself. 

“Oh? Please elaborate on that,” Agatha scoots closer to Wanda. 

The brunette shrugs, “I don't know. I was thinking about showing up in some stunning dress. Maybe get my hair done. Kind of go all out.” 

“Were you thinking about getting a date? You have to have a date,” Agatha suggests as she gets excited about the idea. 

“I don't know, would that be too much?” Wanda drinks her orange juice as she considers the idea. 

“Honey, Y/n will probably be there with that Nebula girl, right?” Agatha reminds her. “Why should you show up alone?” 

“I don't know, Agatha, that feels… I don't know… so high school,” Wanda resists. 

Agatha picks up her phone as she goes through her contact list. “Babe, I'm serious. I'm going to get you some serious arm candy. There's this new guy at work that just moved here from New York. He's blind, but he's cute enough. Definitely someone that will have Y/n-” 

“Hold on, did you just say he's cute enough for a blind guy?” Wanda scoffs, a little shocked by her friend's insensitivity. 

Agatha rolls her eyes, “No, he's cute enough to get the job done and he's blind. Just, don't worry about a thing. I will set up the blind date. But I'll make sure he's not blind to the setup.” Agatha snickers a bit, proud of her puns and Wanda shakes her head as she finishes her orange juice. 

On the night of the fundraiser you leave Rachel with Jean who was still staying at your apartment while she worked things out with Anna. They have talked since their big fight but they agreed to spend some more time separated from each other. You don't know why Jean and Rachel couldn't stay at the house. It was their house first. But Anna doesn't have anywhere to go so you dealt with it. Under the condition that Jean started her medication again. To your knowledge, she is taking them. You don't check under her tongue or anything but she does make a point to show you that she is taking them in the morning and at night. 

Because of this, you haven't been able to see Nebula since Rachel doesn't know that you're dating again and you don't want her knowing about Nebula yet since it was a big deal with Daisy. But she knows about tonight’s event. Thanks to her school, you're able to go on a date with Nebula. 

You knock on the door with a single flower in your hand. “Wow,” you say as you admire her beauty and her outfit. She is beautiful. “You look fantastic,” you compliment as you hold out the flower to her. 

She smiles as she smells it. “Thank you,” she sets it in her key bowl by the table. “I’ll put it in a vase later. It's supposed to rain soon.” As if on cue a loud clap of thunder rings out while she locks her door. 

“Wow, I had no idea,” you say as you walk her to your car. “I didn't see that in the forecast earlier,” I frown as I check my phone before starting the car. Sure enough gray clouds with lightning bolts and cartoon rain appear on the weather app for the next few hours. “Huh, I guess you do have to check it more than once.” 

“I told you,” Nebula says with a smile. She kisses your cheek as you start the car. “I’ve missed you these past couple of weeks.” 

“I missed you too,” you aren't lying, you're simply omitting the small detail that you've missed Wanda more. “It's been so weird living with Jean again. I can honestly say, I don't miss being married to her and actually be certain of that for once.” 

Nebula laughs and connects her phone to the Bluetooth in the car to play her music. The two of you sing along to the songs the entire drive to the venue. It starts to sprinkle a bit as you get closer to the event. 

Wanda is pacing back and forth in her underwear on a three way video call with Carol and Agatha. Her room is a mess of dresses, pant suits, and shoes. She hasn't even made it as far as accessories. “I don't know! I thought the dress I bought last week was the revenge dress but it's hideous! Y/n would never like something like that!” 

Carol puts her face in her hands and groans. “Wanda we know how to make you look hot for anyone. We don't know how to make you look specifically hot for Y/n. We like them but neither of us have tried to get in their pants.” 

“Speak for yourself,” Agatha quips. 

“Agatha!” Wanda and Carol scold her. 

“What? I have eyes don't I? Besides, that was before I knew Wanda was serious about them. Y/n turned me down every time, relax,” Agatha says. “Why don't you try the purple dress? The one you wore to that one thing that one time.” 

“Because that's helpful,” Carol mutters. 

“Oh yeah! The booby one, okay I'll be right back, one of you add someone who might know what Y/n will find attractive.” Wanda says as she runs off to her walk-in closet to find the purple dress. 

“How? How do you do it Agatha? I swear I sent her pictures and she still couldn't remember the dresses I suggested! You say that one you wore that one time and she gets it!” 

“I'm just that good,” Agatha says. 

“I only have one purple dress because Agatha got it for me for Christmas,” Wanda shouts from her closet. 

“That too,” Agatha says. 

“Who can we add?” Carol says as she thinks about who they know that knows Y/n best. 

“Jean?” Agatha suggests. 

“Ew, no,” Wanda says as she steps out of the closet in the dress. “I don't want to ask her to make me look hot for her ex.” 

“I'm just saying, they've known each other their whole lives,” Agatha reminds her friends. 

“I don't think she'd be much help because based on the stories they've told, Jean didn't have to do much for Y/n’s attention,” Carol adds. 

“Hmm, that's true,” Agatha ponders. “What about Darcy? Didn't they try dating at one point?” She suggests next.

“They did?” Wanda and Carol say in unison. 

“You ladies are so full of yourselves sometimes. You know, you girls could benefit from paying attention when people speak,” Agatha shakes her head. “Screw it, I'm adding her to the call.” 

“Wait,” Wanda tries to stop her but the call is already going through. Darcy answers in her pitch black bedroom. 

“Who the hell is - oh hi guys! What the hell is wrong with you? It's one in the morning!” Darcy groans as she turns on the lamp on her nightstand. The bright light reveals more of her setting and more of her than anyone expected to see when she turned on the light. 

“Uh Darcy, nip slip,” Carol says as she points at the screen. Darcy pulls her sheets further up and a deeper groan follows as a man's back appears in the background. “Oh, my, who is that?” Carol asks with a laugh. 

“It's your fault you called me at one in the morning on a Friday night,” Darcy defends herself. 

“In our defense, you didn't have to answer,” Agatha points out. 

“Ladies! Focus! My escort is supposed to arrive here in thirty minutes!” Wanda tries to keep everyone in line. 

“Right, Darcy! We need your help making Wanda look good for Y/n,” Carol informs Darcy of the reason they disrupted her sleep. 

“Oh, I know what could make Wanda look good,” Darcy starts, “she could find a time machine, then go back to the night she rejected Y/n and not do that.” 

“Oh come on,” Agatha says. 

“Low blow,” Carol says. 

“This was a bad idea,” Wanda falls onto the front of her bed. 

“Okay, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I thought that I had to but I didn't,” Darcy says as she sits up and yawns. “What can I do to help?” 

“There's a fundraiser for the kids' school and I want to wow Y/n into leaving with me instead of Nebula,” Wanda explains. “But I don't know what kind of outfit will do that!” 

“Y/n is very simple to please, if you showed up in just one of their shirts and nothing else, they'd marry you on the spot,” Darcy says as if it's obvious that you're not a difficult person. 

“Yeah, like Wanda has one of Y/n’s shirts,” Agatha laughs. Wanda gets quiet and looks at the corner of her room where a shirt she kept is lying on the floor. She had been wearing it to bed lately and it no longer smells like you. But she wasn't willing to let it go yet. “Wanda! Are you serious?” Agatha shouts into the phone. 

“Calm down, I didn't steal it. I just didn't return it when I found it. But that's besides the point. I'm not showing up to a school event in a T-shirt. We have to do better than that ladies!” Wanda says as she stands up and lets the dress fall to the floor. 

“Wow so my nipples are a problem but we're getting the whole show from Wanda and no one is saying anything?” Darcy gripes. 

Carol rolls her eyes, “We're far past that by now Lewis.” 

“Whatever, do you have any black dresses?” Darcy asks. 

“Like a million of them,” Agatha moans, shaking her head, exhausted by this conversation. 

“Y/n appreciates a little black dress. I bet you anything that Nebula is wearing a red dress,” Darcy defends her suggestion.  

“No, my connection at the school sent me a picture of when they arrived. Nebula is wearing blue,” Agatha says with her phone close to her face as she sends the image to the group. 

“Wait!” Darcy says a little too loud, disturbing the man in her bed. “Shut up you big baby,” she rolls her eyes at him. “Look, do you see Y/n’s tie?” Darcy asks with her phone close to her face and the camera at a bad angle again. 

“Yeah, what about it?” Agatha questions, not really concerned about the tie as much as she should be. 

“Wait, I want to see,” Carol's view changes as well and Wanda is standing and staring at the worst angles of her friends as they look at the image on their phones. “Oh I see,” Carol says. 

“I get it now,” Agatha agrees. 

“What?” Wanda asks, growing annoyed with her friends. 

“Wanda, grab the velvet suit from the back of the closet. The one you wore to that holiday party at my work three years ago,” Agatha directs Wanda. “You're going to show up ready to match Y/n. If that suit doesn't work, then it's their loss. That suit almost turned me.” 

“I agree, that suit is magic on you,” Carol says as she remembers seeing pictures of her friend in that suit. 

“Carol, stop drooling over Wanda and get ready for dinner with my parents,” Valkyrie says in the background.

“Alright,” Carol sighs, she's not very fond of her fiancee’s conservative family. “Y’all heard the misses. I've got to go. Good luck Maximoff,” she bids everyone goodbye before ending the call. 

“I should go too, I have an early morning,” Darcy says before she hangs up. 

The screen is just Agatha with Wanda in the corner of her phone. “I should go too so that you're not distracted. Have a good night Wanda. I want all of the dirty details tomorrow,” she ends the conversation altogether leaving Wanda on her own to finish getting ready. 

It's not too long before there's a knock on Wanda's door. She opens it and is surprised by the man that stands before her. He is more than she expected, she feels a little speechless. “I'm sorry, I'm not sure if I'm in the right place. Are you Wanda Maximoff?” The handsome stranger with the red tinted glasses asks. 

“Uh, um, yes, that's me. Sorry, hi. You're,” Wanda is spacing on his name for a moment then remembers Agatha making a doormat joke about him. She clears her throat to clear her stutter. “I'm assuming that you're Matt, correct.” 

He smiles and Wanda can't help but blush at his charming grin. “Yes I am,” he says. “I'm assuming that I'm not what you expected?” His tone is sweet as he steps back from the front door. Anticipating for Wanda to walk with him to the waiting car. 

“Honestly? Not really,” Wanda replies as she locks her front door. Agatha really downplayed Matt’s good looks. 

“Ah, I see. Is it safe to assume that Agatha forgot to mention the detail that I am blind?” He extends his elbow to her when he feels her get close to him and Wanda accepts it, wrapping her hands at the crook of his elbow. She walks him towards the car while he holds his folded up guide stick in his hand. 

“No, I knew that part. She mentioned that right away. But she didn't mention how handsome you were, she said something along the lines of ‘he’s not bad looking for a blind guy.’ Plus all of the ‘blind date’ puns that she was able to work with.” Matt laughs, humored and flattered by the story about his abrasive co-worker. 

“Ah, that's interesting. I don't think I've ever exceeded expectations in that department before. I would have thought she asked me to be your fake date because of my charms and looks.” The two enter the car. “She paid for this ride by the way, she wanted me to stress that.” 

“I owe her big time,” Wanda says as she lets go of Matt's arm. This was going to be an interesting night for her. 

At the fundraiser, you walk around a biding table with Nebula. You can't donate much since you're still paying off Rachel's medical bills and the apartment complex you live in is trying to raise your rent. You're under negotiations but it's looking like no matter what, it's still going to cost you. There isn't much else that you can do other than make it look like you're going to give this school money when they hardly wanted to do anything for your daughter in her time of need. 

Nebula quickly pulls you over to the food as the line shortens and the pair of you fill your plates with as much food as they can handle. There aren't many parents that you know at the school because your daughter only hangs out with Billy and Tommy outside of school. At least to your knowledge. That left you finding a random and unclaimed table to stand at with Nebula as you tried to make the most out of the evening. 

As the band played covers of popular songs you kept your focus on the woman with you as she became the most entertaining person in the room. That was until something made your eyes subtly scan the room where they inevitably land on Wanda walking in with a man attached to her arm. She's dating? Is your first thought. Your second thought is, That is one hell of a suit. 

You quickly return your attention to Nebula but you can't focus on her. She is beautiful, of course, but Wanda is stunning. You can't help but search for her again and feel entirely captivated by her gaze as her eyes meet yours. It takes all of your strength to break the contact. 

“We can go say hi,” Nebula says as she pushes around the food on her plate that she didn't like. 

“I'm sorry, it's just been so awkward walking around here not knowing anyone,” you say to cover up the fact that you want to switch places with the man that arrived with Wanda. She's never mentioned the guy and she shows up in an outfit matching his glasses. It's unbelievable. It's infuriating. 

Wanda’s heart races nervously as she catches your gaze for a moment. She clenches her jaw when you kiss Nebula on the lips. Her pink lipstick stains your lips and she has to clean it off with her thumb. That should be Wanda smiling and removing her lipstick from your lips. She should be the one holding your hand as you walk towards her. Her eyes widen slightly as she realizes that you're walking towards her. 

“So what were you telling me about your friend again?” Wanda asks as she tries to strike up a conversation so that it doesn't look obvious that she's here on a mission. 

“Are they walking towards us?” Matt asks with an amused smirk. 

“Yeah,” Wanda shamelessly admits. She has nothing to hide from Matt. He knows what he's here for. They talked about it at length in the car because she really didn't want to take advantage of him. Matt assured her that really didn't mind. 

“So I was telling my friend, Foggy, that just because I can't see doesn't mean I can't-” 

“Hey Wanda,” you make a point to interrupt their conversation. “Who is this?” You ask as you move your hand from holding Nebula's to holding her hip. 

“Matthew Murdock,” he holds his hand out and you give him a polite shake. “Most people call me Matt. And behind my back some call me Blind Matt,” he jokes and you try to refrain from reacting to his disability. You didn't realize that he was visually impaired. Then you see his guide stick and instantly feel guilty for mentally villainizing him. 

“People tend to call me Queer Y/n when I tell them my preferred pronouns,” you retort to get a laugh out of him. “Although, Wanda made it obvious to everyone when I lost a bet and she chose to cut my hair into a mullet,” you continue and this makes Matt laugh. 

“I haven't thought about a mullet since my accident. And there's not much that I don't miss the sight of but that has to be one of the things I don't miss seeing, no offense,” he says, making the three of you laugh. 

“None taken, I was really happy when she finally gave me the okay to get my haircut again,” you say as you run your fingers through your short hair. 

“That's funny, I didn't know you had to wait for her permission,” Nebula says as she sizes up Wanda. 

“It was her prize from the bet,” you shrug as if the reason was obvious. “Of course I have to ask for permission.” 

“You didn't have to,” Wanda clarifies as she reaches out and squeezes your shoulder with a laugh, “I appreciate that you did but you're just that kind of person.” She looks over at Nebula with what you interpret as a warm smile. “You're very lucky to be dating someone like, Y/n,” she says. 

The song starts to slow down and the singer invites the couples to slow dance on the dance floor since they're all here to enjoy a night off from the kids. Nebula starts to pull you away claiming to love the song that's being performed. You look back at Wanda as you follow Nebula to the dance floor. Her expression looks a little funny to you at first. You lose sight of her as people get in the way and remind yourself that you came here with Nebula. She has your undivided attention. 

Wanda is hit with a pang of jealousy as Nebula pulls you away for a dance. She stops one of the waiters walking past her with a tray full of champagne flutes and she grabs two. She downs both of them and sets them on a nearby table. “How good are you at slow dancing?” She asks Matt. 

“Let's go,” he says as he extends his arm out to her. They make their way to the dance floor and Wanda manages to find a spot where she can watch you. When she notices that she has caught your eye, she smiles at Matt. 

You try not to show your jealousy as you lean back to gaze into Nebula's eyes. She does have very pretty eyes. You smile and she smiles back up at you. The next slow song plays and you recognize it almost immediately. It's one that your daughter likes to play in the car a lot. Your eyes find Wanda who is holding Matt close to her. 

You can't focus on the pain that small act of intimacy is causing you. It's not fair to Nebula. It's not fair to Wanda, who seems very happy. It's not fair to yourself. But you can't tear your eyes away from her. Matt whispers something in her ear that makes her laugh. Even through the loud music and the crowd, her laugh spreads a warmth in your chest. 

Wanda lets Matt spin her around during the song as she allows herself to focus on having fun with him instead. Tonight isn't the night to play games and hope that you ditch your date to be with her. She's an adult and she doesn't need to act like a child. She can have her moment with you another day. Tonight, she's going to have fun with someone that she has no ties to because Matt seems like a really great guy. 

As the second song comes to an end, Wanda ends up facing your direction because of the way Matt spun her and her heart stops. You and Nebula are sharing a kiss but it's different. Your eyes are open and looking for Wanda. Are you playing a game too? She can't do this anymore. She starts to feel overwhelmed under your intense gaze. She wants you to look at her that way but not under these circumstances. She doesn't want to be playing these kinds of games. Not with you. Everything between the two of you hasn't felt as childish as it does right now. 

“I'm sorry, Matt. I need some air,” Wanda says as she lets go of him. She helps him get off of the dance floor before she leaves the building. 

You watch Wanda run out of the event without her date and you stop kissing Nebula. The woman in your arms pulls out the red handkerchief from the breast pocket of your jacket. She wipes your lips and sighs. “Go to her,” she says as she fixes your handkerchief. 

“Nebula I-” 

“Y/n, don't apologize. Go after her. She's your person. It's okay, I knew it was never me. This was fun while it lasted.” She gives you a kind smile as she pats your chest and dusts off your shoulders. 

“You're amazing, you know that?” You say to her, at a loss for words. Not knowing how else to thank her for not making this difficult for you. 

“I do, now go!” She turns you towards the direction of the exit and gives you a small shove. You laugh as you take her advice and start running toward the exit to try and catch Wanda before she gets too far away. 

You look for her in the lobby but it's completely empty. Then you see her at the corner of the street waiting to cross. It's pouring outside but you can't care about that right now. You push the glass door open and run outside. “Wanda!” You call out to her just as a loud clap of thunder overpowers your voice. “Wanda! Wait!” You shout as you run to get closer but the cross signal has given her the go ahead to cross the street. You push yourself to run faster as the storm rages on. 

The street is empty. There are no cars waiting for her to cross. There is no one outside on the sidewalks. This time it is just you and Wanda. So you don't hesitate when you stop her in the middle of the crosswalk and grab her wrist. You spin her so that her body crashes against yours. Neither of you have a moment to process before you press your lips against hers. As you kiss Wanda, you feel her melt in your arms. You feel as though everything in the world is falling into place. You feel a little dizzy kissing her, losing yourself completely in the way her lips collide against yours. Surrendering to the emotions that you’ve been repressing for too long. You love this woman and you can't deny it anymore. 

The kiss breaks when both of you need to come up for air and a car honks at the pair of you. Wanda pulls you onto the sidewalk, across the street from the venue. “What was that?” Wanda shouts once the two of you are safe on the concrete. The rain is still coming down hard and it's not easy to hear without a raised volume.

“I’ve tried so hard to see you as just a friend,”  you shout back, “but I can’t!” Wanda opens her mouth to say something but you don't want her to reject you again. “Before you say anything. Please let me finish. I’ve tried to be with other people. You’ve seen that! But you are the only person I want to be with. I love you, Wanda. I can’t- I won’t take it back this time.” 

“Then don't,” Wanda says as she puts your hand on the back of your neck and pulls you in for another kiss. You excitedly swoop her in your arms and spin her around as you kiss her on the side walk in the pouring rain. 

She giggles as you set her back down and lean your forehead against hers. “Can I take you home?” You ask her feeling a rush of emotions that you can't express out here. You want to be alone with her in a dry setting. 

“Please,” she answers as she smiles up at you. 

Hand in hand, the two of you run across the street to grab your car from the valet. As you wait in the lobby you watch Nebula escorting Matt out and you feel relieved about not having to worry about either of them. When you get into the car with Wanda, she kisses you on the lips again before you can start the engine. You can't believe this is real. But you don't ask her to pinch you. If this is a fantasy, you want to live in it forever. 

Every red light that you hit on the way to her house, the two of you take the moment to kiss. As you drive, you have your hand on her thigh. Wanda almost regrets not wearing a dress so that she could tease you with more exposed skin. But she's also glad that she didn't because with the outfit she did wear, she managed to draw only your attention and not unwanted attention from others. That's what was most important to her. 

It wasn't about being the hottest person in the room for her. It was about being the person that you wanted to leave with.

As the two of you stumble into her home, swept up in the heightened emotions of it all, she starts to get into her head a bit. The two of you fall onto her sofa with you on top. She wants this to work with you. She doesn't want this to end before it begins. As you kiss her neck she almost gives in and allows the two of you to release months of built up tension. But she can't get out of her head now. 

“Wait,” she says as she pushes you back. “Wait, I can't do this right now.” She says between breaths. She hadn't realized how breathless she was until she could hardly catch her breath. She slips her body out from under yours and sits on the couch.

“I'm sorry,” you say as you pant and back away. “I shouldn't have gotten so carried away I thought-” you say as you stand up to leave.

“No wait,” Wanda quickly grabs your hand and tugs on your arm. “Stay, let me… let me collect my thoughts and we can talk.” Her big apologetic eyes pull you in and remove the fear and doubt from your mind. You sit next to her and wait for her to start. You give her the space to think about what she wants to communicate with you. She deserves to have this time. You can wait to hear her out as you sit by her with your fingers laced with hers. Both of you are still soaked from the rain. Her hair isn't as neat as when she arrived to the event and you're certain that you don't look nearly as put together as when you left your apartment. 

“I love you too,” Wanda states first. “I'm in love with you,” her voice waivers this time and you can see tears building up. She clears her throat. “I want to be clear about that first. And I want you to stay with me tonight. I just don't think tonight is the night that we take things all the way.” 

You nod, “Of course,” you say as you release your hand from hers and put your arm around her body. You press the side of your head to the top of hers and take a deep breath as she leans into your side. “Although, I will argue that spending the night would've been made easier if you got me out of these wet clothes. That's all I'm saying,” you jokingly point out and it makes Wanda laugh. 

“That's right,” she looks down at her wet clothes and then at yours. She bites her lips as she thinks of a possible solution but she’s slightly scared of the answer. “Do you have anything in your car?” 

“I didn't pack an overnight bag because my intention was to go home after,” you tell her and kiss her cheek. “How about this,” you start as you pull away to face her as you speak, “I get naked — hold on stay with me now — I get naked. Put the nice stuff on some hangers to air dry and I toss the things I can wear to bed in the dryer. And I hop in the shower so that you're not tempted by me until they're done.” Wanda laughs and rolls her eyes. Your tone is very light and humorous but it's a good suggestion. 

“Okay,” Wanda nods in agreement. 

“So I can sleep in my underwear?” You ask, just to take the extra step in getting her consent. 

“Yes, you can sleep in your underwear,” she stands up from the couch and pulls you up with her. The two of you are giddy and giggle as you climb the stairs together. Neither of you tried to cross a line, you undress in her bathroom with the door shut and she waits until you announce that you're in the shower to collect your clothes. She starts with putting the white under shirt and your boxers into the dryer first before she focuses on properly hanging your clothing. She gets changed into dry clothes and hangs her wet clothing as well. 

When the dryer is done she grabs a towel for you and neatly folds everything before she takes it to the bathroom. She announces that it's there for you when she leaves it. When you step out of the bathroom, she kisses you as she passes you so that she can shower and properly clean her face with her products. 

You text Jean that you're not coming home tonight but you don't tell her who you're with and let her continue to assume that you're with Nebula as you wait for Wanda in her bed. Jean sends you a winking gif then some gifs with innuendos that make you laugh. You set your phone to charge next to Wanda's and settle into the bed that you've missed sleeping in. 

When she joins you, she starts by laying on top of you to kiss you on the lips again. You're happy to respond to the kiss and hold back on growing too eager to turn it into anything more. “I love you,” Wanda says with a bright grin. 

“I love you,” you say while wrapping her in your arms. You close your eyes and sigh. “I'm going to be really mad if this is all a dream,” you mutter, which makes Wanda laugh. 

She looks down at you as her smile slowly drops and not because her happiness has faded but because she wants you to believe her. She wants you to understand that she is serious when she tells you that this isn't a fantasy. “Y/n,” she calls softly, you open your eyes and connect with her loving gaze, “this is real.”

Chapter 21

Taglist: @princessprudy @sayah13 @agaymilflover @awkwardmandalorian @bentleywolf29 @thatshyboy1998 @artisannat @thisischaismagic @wqndanat @madamevirgo @likefirenrain @tearsofglitter @feltlikethat @the-writer-arcane @natashasilverfox @karsonromanoff @aloneodi @lovelyy-moonlight @red1culous @jovialsublimecomputer @natasha-maximoff @iliketozoneout @doudouneverte @druggedduck @diealittlesometime @when-wolves-howl @lifespectator @justyourwritter69 @wandaromamoff69 @awesomelygayasf @nekoannie-chan @diaryoflife @wuwu96 @wandanats-goodgirl @sincerely-indi @blueredg52 @sisiofthemultifandom @fuzzyuniversityeclipsefriend @arcturusseer @scarlettwidow34 @chasethemoon @raven-ss @canyonyodeler @sokovianbaby @alexawynters @bittysworld @hopeless-romantic17177 @spongebobtentacles @the-ox-fan20 @shaniiwm @casualreadersstuff @neopolitan-torchwick

[rivangel]

PLEASE write about Levi’s mental state, i’m begging you

He’s faced death and precarious situations since he was born, yet he’s still standing strong and hopeful, WHAT THE HELL I LOVE MY SHORT KING

IT'S FINALLY HERE😭im sorry anon i hope you're around to see this and if u are i hope i dont disappoint

the tone in this analysis is so weird because i kept getting caught between 'this is an apa paper no contractions, academic language, double spacing -' and 'this is a tumblr post about a fictional blorbo wtf r u on'

i also use some scientific language i try my best to explain but if this turns anyone off i don't blame them because im unhealthily obsessed

*i'm a third-year undergraduate psychology student w/ a concentration in psychopathology

tw/cw: discussion of childhood exposure to sex (not assault)

Foreword

I’ve been putting this off for a while (I’m forgetful and this topic is intimidating what can I say), but being a year out from graduating with my bachelor’s to become a mental health professional, and being a Levi scholar(/hj), I wanted to give this a shot. 

I wanted to dissect and examine Levi Ackerman’s mental health “currently” (as in general canon), and explain as thoroughly but as simply as possible how and why he thinks and acts the way he does.

Seeing how AOT is pretty renowned for leaving out the ‘insignificant’ details, especially character details, a good majority of my assertions and even details of his life are built off of correlations and “signs and symptoms”; meaning some things could be an aspect of Levi’s personality, or a symptom of psychopathology. 

 I will examine his childhood (especially his childhood), adolescence, young adulthood, and “present” adulthood, with a short summary at the end of where he might be mentally after the war.

*Lastly, I don’t like it when things I say about a series or character are taken as fact or make it implied that someone else’s thoughts are “wrong”. This is partly built on headcanons anyway, which are influenced by my own experiences. Don’t take away from this that this is me telling you what to think.*

Childhood

The most important period of development occurs in infancy and childhood, especially from the ages of 3-6. This is when a child learns where to find security, love, and basic skills, gaining stability as they develop.

Well, Kuchel died when Levi was 4.

Maternal Love / Learning Empathy / Anxious Attachment Style

Levi was born into deep poverty within a violent unwelcoming environment. Basic physical needs must have been very hard to meet (i.e., consistently fed enough, a clean environment, no physical threats). And where Levi was born is like the dictionary definition of a bad environment for a small child, excluding only his mother’s care and love.

As it’s generally understood in canon (and suggested from Levi’s special backstory manga so far) she was a caring parental figure early in Levi’s life that loved him unconditionally. We can conclude that Kuchel did everything within her power to compensate for both parenting Levi alone and shielding him the best she could from his horrible surroundings, teaching the kindness, goodness, and love that Levi would internalize and go on to strive for for his entire life. 

As far as we know, no other children lived in the brothel. Socialization is just as important for a young child as receiving love. With this isolation, it’s extremely difficult to learn how to connect to other people, or pick up on social cues. Levi would’ve never learned how to interact properly with his peers—aside from use of aggression and violence which Kenny would go on to instill in him.

With the danger/anxiety imposed by strangers, mostly if not entirely men, he would turn to his mother for comfort all. The. Time. 

And she would give him that support and affection of course. This early motherly affection is integral to child development: a child who receives empathy and affection is subliminally taught how to feel and express empathy towards others. 

While Levi’s surroundings were dangerous, lonely, and chaotic—traumatizing enough for a toddler or young child—Kuchel provided a safety net from that, so I think that Levi developed an anxious attachment as a child: exhibiting clinginess, excessive fear of abandonment, and an excessive need for security and/or reassurance.

Paternal Trauma / Potential Androphobia

Born and living in a brothel, we can assume that Levi was probably seen as a burden and a mistake by others, especially by men (both the likely majority of her customers and her boss).

AOT ch69; Before the Fall, ch34

This is likely in contrast to the women (those living and working in the brothel like Kuchel). They should know Kuchel if not as friends, then acquaintances who could empathize for her and her son. 

There’s an obvious trend here. If Levi is going to feel fear/danger/anxiety because of men, he should have a general aversion to men and-or the behavior of men who he encountered as a child. This is impossible to know for sure or in meaningful detail, but it seemed to be resolved by the time he became an adult if so.

Although Kenny in his words was no more than Levi's teacher, Levi did see him as a father figure.

The subject of Kenny will be expanded on later, but it's clear Kenny in no way resembled a father, who also would go on to abandon Levi (at the age of 11 or so). Children without father figures tend to struggle more emotionally, psychologically, and socially. Specifically, (especially boys) tend to exhibit intimidating/aggressive personas to compensate for resentment, fear, and unhappiness. 

Sexual Trauma (Tangent, Probably)

This is unconfirmed but a likely trauma Levi went through: exposure to sex as a child. There’s no way to confirm what he experienced, so I’ll function on ‘probably’s’ and ‘most likely’s’. 

Because Levi and Kuchel only lived in one room, other rooms in the brothel should have belonged to other women, and he was at the oldest four, I wager that he was babysat by women who Kuchel knew and/or was made to hide somewhere while she worked, such as in a cabinet.

(for reference)

AOT ch69

The odds are high that he was exposed to the aftermath of sexual violence (i.e., marks seen on his mother), and the sound or smells that have to do with it. That young, he wouldn’t know what it was, but he should have realized later as an adolescent.

In general, children regardless of gender exposed to sexual content usually experience early puberty (which is just as likely for impoverished children, or children who experience chronic high-stress in general); issues with intimacy; become desensitized to high-risk behavior; negative/inaccurate expectations about sex and relationships in the future; influence inappropriate behavior with other children or adults; sex addiction.

This is especially relevant to Levi’s fear of closeness/intimacy in the future. Exposure to sexual situations—possibly not including CSA in his case—very early in life inflicts on a child emotions and stress they don’t have the intellect or reasoning to process or understand. An extreme aversion to interpersonal relationships, especially physical ones, results.

This stress Levi must have felt, being powerless to this happening to his mother, is a different beast. Children aren’t capable of handling high levels of stress, and so the brain will automatically create coping mechanisms: dissociation (a severe form of “zoning out”; observing the self “from the third person”; numbness; the feeling of living in a dream), excessive daydreaming/overactive imagination, symptoms of PTSD (nightmares and terrors; flashbacks; spontaneous activation of fight-flight-freeze associated with anxiety; excessive worrying/fear; loneliness/self isolation). PTSD will also be prevalent in Levi’s later life, which I’ll delve into later.

Inappropriate behavior and sex addiction are also highlights for me because they shouldn’t exist in him based on Levi's personality and behavior throughout the series. In my opinion, Levi ought to associate sex with pain, shame, and violence; he does see it as an ordinary job—a means to an end. He should be desensitized to sex as a concept, but associates it personally with shame, sadness, and pain, possibly feeling disgust towards it. So it is highly likely that Levi in every stage of life following this experienced sexual repulsion (usually associated with high anxiety towards sex), a low libido, or a lack of sexual desire entirely. 

From a trauma perspective, he could avoid sexual topics of conversation, sexual settings (i.e., brothels), or an array of things which are sexually suggestive or he as a child possibly associated with sex (i.e., cleavage, panties, specific touch). Similarly, he might avoid direct reminders or have a post-traumatic reaction to them, such as anxiety or flashbacks (i.e., the sound of a bed creaking, the sight of wet clothes).

Importantly, it can be concluded that sexual violence was often exhibited, and the idea would be ingrained in him that sex, like everything else besides his relationship with his mother, is “give-and-take”, “victim-and-attacker”, and learn to be repulsed by intimacy. This impacts his willingness for later friendships and relationships as we’ll see later. 

Early Abandonment & Early Exposure to Death

As Kuchel’s health deteriorated, Levi’s sense of security would break down. Availability of shelter, food, and emotional support would be even less secure than before. He might have been providing for Kuchel for some time, even, as it can be gathered that he received little to no help from those around him while she was sick. To whatever length he had to take responsibility and both fear for Kuchel, this would cement a sense of responsibility and guilt in him from the age of just four years old.

He will fail to save her—regardless of the fact that that’s not his responsibility in the first place; a child wouldn’t understand that—and then lose her with nothing he could do to even cushion the blow.

How powerless he must’ve felt. How hopeless. How likely is it that Levi found comfort in joining her? A child his age wouldn’t be able to comprehend death, basing our understanding on Piaget’s theory of cognitive development. To summarize, at the age of six or seven, children aren’t capable of complex, abstract thought like death or the finality of it. But Levi had to learn early. 

AOT ch69

This will be center in his “clean-freak” tendencies later.

Adolescence

Most of this section is going to be rather vague again, but we already got the bulk of that over with in childhood!

Emotional Train Wreck / Lack of Identity 

It’s hard to notice if you’re not paying attention, but in every scene we’re shown with Levi after his mother dies but before Kenny leaves, he’s wearing some variation of his mother’s one dress styled into a shirt. He loves her endlessly, even or especially in death. And part of cherishing her memory, to him, should’ve been taking after her as much as he could.

That’s how to explain why he didn’t become a cruel person (Kenny for instance) as he grew into a teenager, even though much of Levi’s outlook and behaviors come from him (ch57).

The more pertinent question is how extreme violence, reinforcement of the idea that that violence is power, and Kenny’s total (or most likely total) lack of communicated emotional connection affected him.

Levi would still desperately want that connection deep down, especially with his mother gone. This is a major reason why Levi sought to get stronger to please Kenny. For chronically abandoned people, that continues into adulthood and even beyond. A hole inside which can't be filled.

AOT ch69

Chronic loneliness—like I explained before—basically explains his aloof nature and awkward disposition. It’s not that Levi feels as detached as he looks, but he doesn’t know how to express himself or open up. He wouldn’t learn how to process his emotions, let alone talk about them. He’s basically emotionally stunted and immature in impersonal relationships (between friends and especially in regards to intimacy).

The Underground’s environment also makes him socially awkward, rude, of course stoic/not very expressive, and blunt. Levi was forced to become extremely observant of people to suss out their intentions, remaining vigilant of his surroundings at all times.

Levi doesn’t even get affection in any sense anymore. He doesn’t get a hug or a pat on the back, and he certainly doesn’t get a shoulder to cry on.

If anything, Kenny would punish him for showing weakness. Vulnerability is weakness; weakness is death.

What results is a continuous and boundless sense of emptiness inside that can’t be filled. He’s plagued by a chronic sense of unbelonging and loneliness. There’s no time or opportunity to develop “normally” as an adolescent. Socialization is limited at best; thinking of his place in the world is irrelevant when his one and only most pressing goal is survival; he doesn’t get to explore hobbies or interests.

OCD Propensity

One “interest” Levi is passionate about is cleaning, at least. Disease is what caused his mother to die. The easiest cause to point to would be their disgusting surroundings (although, Kuchel was infected by a customer). It is canon that Levi’s love of cleaning comes from "his personal experiences". In that interview, Levi first specifically references the important of fighting disease.

In other words, his "clean freak" nature comes, primarily, from the death of his mother: Filth -> disease -> death, and abandonment by extension.

His mother would’ve encouraged him to keep their room clean. There were times he or she had to have come down with something and dirtiness was the cause. On top of Kenny’s enforcement to keep up “clean” appearances to garner respect from everyone else in the Underground. 

This in particular is extremely relevant to his mental health. When someone feels out of control of what is happening to them, especially in a recurring way, and especially as a child who doesn't yet know how to feel stable in an unstable environment, they look for something to control. It can be weight, bodily functions (blinking, breathing, etc), dominance over others, or cleaning, for instance.

Fear of disease, the urgent need to have control, and the basic need for stability makes it obvious that Levi would become obsessed with cleaning. And moreover, developing OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). I’ll go deeper into this diagnosis later.

Lack of Self Worth

Despite the acknowledgment throughout canon that he trusts in his own strength, it wasn’t always that way.

Canonically, Levi sought praise from Kenny by showing his strength because that was the only thing he received praise for. The conclusion Levi came to once Kenny left him was that he wasn’t strong enough (wasn’t good enough) to warrant staying with him.

In conjunction, Levi’s first conclusion was that he did something wrong, not that Kenny possibly had some obligation that forced him to leave the Underground, pointing again to his own lack of self-worth.

This scenario created a complex in him, the very root cause of Levi’s pain, the very foundation of what Levi would go on to prioritize in adulthood. If he isn’t useful to those he wants not to abandon him, he’s worthless. He’s only useful when he shows his strength. Every other aspect of him like his interests is either irrelevant or bland by default in his eyes.

He would go on to make it his mission to try his best to be good enough in order to save and protect the lives of others, but foremost those he cares about.

Young Adulthood

Our first exposure to Levi as an adult is in A Choice with No Regrets, his OVA/backstory.

(By the way, I’ll be basing this analysis off a mix of the manga and the OVA.)

Emotional Immaturity/Affective Dysregulation

Generally, Levi’s defining negative character trait as a young adult is his emotional immaturity/anti-social behavior. Yes he’s grumpy and rude which is always indicative of him, but he’s very quick to anger, too. He cursed at the Squad Leader who offended him (by assuming that because he, Isabel, and Farlan are from the Underground, they’d be dirty), and argued furiously with Farlan that he would kill Erwin—not because it was required for the job, but because he disrespected him—for a few examples. 

ACWNR ch2

He tended to be arrogant, too. Such as when he ultimately called a Scout who had experience with the Titans stupid for telling Levi to hold his swords in a certain way. He spoke to every officer the same as he would anyone on the street, having a remarkable lack of basic respect for authority. He was insistent on distancing himself from the entire setting and structure of the Scouts as much as possible, both to not get attached, and he found their mission childish/foolish. 

He’s rather selfish. There is nothing Levi cares about genuinely more than Isabel’s and Farlan’s lives and the job that will set them up with a good future. Farlan’s advice is the only one’s he takes and the only judgment outside himself that he considers, such as when Farlan asks him to not cause trouble with authority to keep a low profile, but even then he acts stubborn. Levi trusts nobody wholeheartedly except himself (until later in ACWNR).

There’s a cognitive dissonance in him. Growing up, and still as a young adult, Levi’s headspace is marked by fear and uncertainty, with his power as his source of confidence. The first time he kills a Titan (with Isabel and Farlan), he uses too much gas because he refuses to potentially risk his friends’ lives; when the expedition is upcoming, he abruptly tells Farlan and Isabel to find a reason to stay back, and that he’ll complete the dangerous part of the job on his own. 

Levi is full of repressed fear and uncertainty. He hides and/or buries all of it for the sake of self-preservation both emotionally and physically.

Antisocial Personality…?

It’s extremely interesting how a character as selfless, heroic, and empathetic as Levi exhibits antisocial symptoms. I’d even argue that if his childhood was spent entirely without his mother figure, then he might be a dictionary definition of ASPD (Antisocial Personality Disorder).

People with this disorder live day-to-day under the constant assumption that whoever is around them is “out to get them”/searching for a weakness to exploit. Humanity is made up of only prey and predators; morals are completely subjective, perpetuated by the society that surrounds them. This constant need to defend oneself, the effect of the exact trauma the potential sociopath experienced, combined with a muted emotional spectrum, results in a complete disregard of everything, including people outside of themself. They might believe they’re entitled to comfort or admiration, but overall, they’re intensely self-serving, often aggressive, and ruthless. 

Because Levi for instance learned to rely on violence both for “love” and survival, then he might fall on violence to manipulate a person or situation into serving himself. I see reason to believe that Levi could have grown into worse than Kenny’s image if it weren’t for his mother’s influence.

However, the greatest cause for deniability is Levi’s wide emotional spectrum (especially including empathy and shame), while a lack of shame is the most significant marker of ASPD . (It is arguably one of many testaments to his strength that a victim of so much suffering, violence, and cruelty could become a man as empathetic as him.) 

However, these tendencies may still be relevant: A sense of arrogance—both to the way Levi thinks of some who he perceives as weak and live without good morals—lacking issue with using deceit or violence to attain a goal, and living outside the rule of authority.

I go into more detail about this idea here.

Conclusion

As is true in general, there’s very little to say of mental development once someone has reached their early–mid-twenties. What we know of Levi’s young adulthood does reinforce his fear of abandonment, but he finds a cause where his strength and compassion can be “put to good use” and give to him a life that is worth living.

Conclusion: the ‘Present’/Diagnoses Overview

C-PTSD (Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder)

Levi’s emotional dysregulation (i.e., inability to sit with and process negative emotions), his difficulties in relationships, insomnia, negative worldview, absent sense of self, and finally, his persistent sense of unworthiness/worthlessness are all indicative of C-PTSD. It’s distinct from PTSD in that he didn’t endure one short-term traumatizing event, but he grew up surrounded by trauma and saw it as normal (e.g., gang violence, extreme poverty, death of a parent, (more presumably) physically and emotionally abusive parental figure). Levi as a child developed no understanding of a nurturing, secure environment. 

Negative/Absent Sense of Self

I’ve talked about this at length already, but it’s worth noting how Levi’s perception of himself must have changed when it was revealed that he is extremely strong physically not from his own efforts as much, but because he’s an Ackerman. 

His self-confidence and self-worth have always been built on the foundation of his strength. He’s useful if he’s strong, so he’s worthy if he’s strong. Along with the extreme high pressure his goal to kill Zeke put on him in season four, he might have gone to extreme measures to compensate for his strength he might have felt was “unearned” (such as excessive exercise for example). This is an aside, but it was a blow to him for sure.

Emotional Dysregulation

The causes of emotional dysregulation generally which he experienced are as follows: early childhood trauma, feelings ignored, judged, or invalidated at a young age, and physical and emotional child neglect. Beyond his first four years of life with his mother, Levi experienced all these things (early exposure to sex and likely exposure to domestic violence aside). 

It’s important to focus on emotional neglect specifically, when any and all perceived “weakness”, no matter how small, is unacceptable to Levi. He will never ask for help (being independent to a fault), he can’t define or process his emotions, and it doesn’t occur to him—and it could be a shock—when he learns that his friends care about him, not him insofar as how useful he is. 

As an adult, Levi appears to be emotionally mature, but I argue that this isn’t the case. It’s more accurate to say that he has better control over his emotions (in that he buries them or ignores them) with a mature outlook because of all his experiences with suffering.

Similarly, he’s not outwardly emotional not because he’s antisocial (as related to ASPD, not introversion), but because he’s so “emotionally constipated” that he’s numbed the vast majority of the time.

Relationship Issues + Fear of Abandonment

Because of his fear of abandonment and impaired emotional intelligence in close relational conflict, he’s extremely passive and/or passive aggressive. In order to avoid potential abandonment, he doesn’t go out of his way to win major arguments—such as threatening to break Erwin’s legs if he didn’t stay away from the expedition in season three, but ultimately giving in. He’s also more likely to sneak petty insults into arguments, give “silent treatment”, slam doors, etc. His kindness and exceptional empathy shouldn’t let him be physically or overly violent.

These are likely additions to why Levi doesn’t foster many close relationships.

Fittingly, as a child I thought that Levi might have had an anxious attachment style (clingy, excessive need for security), but as this possibility for security was removed entirely, and he was taught to not rely on others, he would develop more of an overt avoidant attachment in adulthood in combination (fearful-avoidant): making very few emotional demands—even though he has needs—withdrawing when there’s conflict, acting aloof yet fearing abandonment, having difficulty expressing emotions he feels intensely, and fear of depending on someone else.

Anxiety

His cool-headedness even in the heat of battle/war (other factors like experience aside) is exactly what you would expect from someone diagnosed with C-PTSD; he’s accustomed to chronic high-stress. But small stressors (i.e., a change of plans) are overwhelming and make him quick to anger/excessive annoyance.

OCD

Emotional dysregulation is also closely associated with OCD.

OCD is much much more than being concerned with keeping clean or organized. OCD is an anxiety disorder composed of anxiety-related obsessions and compulsions, such as frequent and disturbing thoughts or images (intrusive thoughts). These attempt to be managed through rituals (i.e., handwashing, counting in patterns). Although symptoms will fluctuate with anxiety, OCD at its baseline is a distressing disorder.

Since he was young, Levi should have had an incessant need to be in control at all times. A shining example of this is his mother’s death, an incident he couldn’t control but included dirtiness/disease as a cause he could pinpoint, so this anxiety with dirtiness becomes a major obsession, and the compulsion is cleaning. (Putting aside the fact that Levi enjoys cleaning by itself too.)

It’s a widely-held belief that if Levi has OCD, it’s contamination OCD, as it specifically has to do with an obsession with dirtiness and a compulsion in cleaning (i.e., damaging handwashing, ritualized bathing that may take hours). However, based on the multitude of times Levi was covered in blood and remained unbothered by it (Titan and human), and in fact the obsession’s lack of relevance entirely during urgent missions/situations, contamination OCD is simply not plausible. Instead, it’s general OCD.

There’s no way to know for sure, but I don’t see his OCD as mild or severe. Levi is an extremely orderly and balanced person, so it can be concluded he must have things done a certain way, routinely, organizational, or planned; when the dirtiness is “negative” (i.e., Titan blood, blood on a knife he used to kill Isabel’s attackers), he is never more rigid with cleanliness; it’s probable he suffers intrusive thoughts (likely of the violent nature), a fear of contamination, and/or counting ritualistically, but the most obvious compulsion is cleaning. He might have sensory issues, such as disgust if he happens to brush shoulders with a stranger; aversion to particularly bright lights, irrational rage towards “mouth sounds” (i.e., chewing, coughing, swallowing), etc.

EDNOS (Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified)

Levi should have a complicated relationship with food to say the least. 

In the realm of eating disorders, EDNOS is sort of a catch-all term when an individual doesn’t qualify for the diagnostic criteria of anorexia or bulimia, and it encompasses lesser-known eating disorders like Pica. It’s the most common diagnosis for clinical eating disorders.

I already covered how integral the early years of life are, and beginning at a young age, if children aren’t given a basic need like food, and they must seek out food on their own, it becomes an anxiety deeply rooted in the brain regardless of how well-fed they are when they’re older. There will always be an urge to have food available. Levi’s years in the Underground were spent either actively starving, or going about every single day having acquiring food as top priority. He was a young adult when he left, so it’s impossible to unlearn this (without extensive therapy, which Levi doesn’t seek). It’s similar to compulsions found in OCD: even though he logically knows that there will be a dinner after lunch, it’s impossible to put aside this worry. 

That may mean always having food stashed, eating too much—especially in his early years Aboveground when he’d eat as much food in a day than he’d eat in a week Underground— stealing food, or eating way too quickly (as someone who lived in a place where food was considered something of a luxury resource and threatened being stolen at any time).

The latter factor contributes to Levi’s suggested preference to only eat alone—joining the fact that Levi only eats with Erwin after expeditions. Eating in front of others should be considered a weakness to him.

As time passes with this easy access to food, combined with his extremely narrow sense of what makes him “good enough”, his relationship with eating may become toxic. Especially when the stakes of his worthiness are so high—literally life and death. He may think that he’s privileged to eat at all, and when he feels worthless, he restricts himself from that “privilege”. 

He may be so accustomed to the feeling of hunger, that it doesn’t immediately register with his mind when he is hungry.

Lastly, he may have a generally low appetite. This is often associated with depression, but depression is comorbid with C-PTSD.

Misc.

Some tangents/miscellaneous speculation about Levi’s psychology:

Queer?

Sexuality is formed and shifts due to a wide variety of factors, which most if not all are terribly understudied: genetics, hormones, and your environment/experiences. So again, my speculation.

With his fear of close relationships and negative experiences with sex, I think he should land somewhere on the queer spectrum, specifically under the asexual or aromantic umbrella (i.e., pansexuality/being panromantic (attraction to personality) and demisexuality/being demiromantic (attraction only to those he has an emotional connection to)).

MDD

The odds of Levi having MDD (major depressive disorder/clinical depression) are iffy. Most if not all of the symptoms are comorbid with childhood trauma and C-PTSD: Such as persistent apathy, guilt, and/or discontent; sleeping too much or too little; lack of energy; reduced or heightened appetite; irritability. 

Oftentimes, depression, C-/PTSD, and related mental illnesses cause unexplained physical pain, such as back pain and occasional tension headaches. “Stress hormones” like adrenaline are built-up in the body, and usually persist without physical therapy and-or medication (Disclaimer this mention is based on nothing more than Levi always standing with at least one hand on his hip).

Body Language

Similar can be said of his body language from a cognitive perspective. The vast majority of the time, Levi has himself closed-off in some way, usually by crossing his arms to protect his chest; a subconscious barrier between oneself and another person.

Also see this official art of Levi asleep.

Afterword

We’ve known it’s not just Levi’s physical strength and skill that makes him the strongest, right? It should take immense mental strength to make it day-by-day dealing with the trauma and issues that he does, but not only has he survived and continues to, but he lives heroically, selflessly, with the wellbeing of everyone around him as a top priority. He buries all of his pain by moving forward always and without exception regardless of how painful the present is. Living with “no regrets” should in mental respects be a guise for pushing his trauma down, too; there’s just no words that can properly do Levi’s resilience justice.

Part of me wants to go into detail about his later adulthood, but given how very little we know (right now), I think it’d be too speculative.

However, based on what we have seen at the ending of AOT, it’s comforting to know and plain to see that Levi wasn’t defeated when he “lost” the reason to be so strong, and even his strength itself; he didn’t lose his love for his friends nor of life. 

In middle age, based on Erikson’s psychosocial stages, the conflict that should enter Levi’s life is the idea of generativity versus stagnation. He seems satisfied with his life despite the negative effects of all he went through—grief, physical disability, inevitable mental scarring—and he’s still concerned with helping others, especially the younger generation in a world after the overwhelming devastation that was the Rumbling.

My speculated psychopathologies/diagnoses of Levi:

C-PTSD (insomnia prevalent)

OCD (contamination obsessions)

EDNOS

[dollcherray]

Yan! Miss circle w/ a fem!teacher reader when?💪🏻🔥🔥 (I'm so sorry I'm getting interested in how you write😢)

✮⋆˙HOTLINE BLING ୨୧

Yandere Miss Circle x Fem Teacher Reader

A/N:YESS, I AM BITING THE BARS OF MY CAGE, TYY ANON ‼️‼️‼️‼️ 💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼 MY LIST IS NOW COMPLETE, also, sorry for the delay, i went to hang out with some friends and also, THANK YOU!!! IM SO HAPPY PPL LIKE MY WRITING

Tw: Yandere topics, killing mentions, descriptive gore, toxic relationship, breaking bones mentions, Remember: Yanderes can be extremely dangerous! do not approach nor interact with people who acts like this towards you.

✮⋆˙ Okay, this was probably love at first sight, i just see Miss Circle as someone hard to get a crush but when she gets it, its probably love at first sight and she would be REALLY obsessed with her crush, she would probably the 2nd worst yandere to have in the school. (along with ms grace, Alice is the 1st)

✮⋆˙ Miss Circle shows lots of signals and obvious hints that she loves you and that she really wants you, but she thinks she is being very discreet about it, so if you ever find an eyeball in your teacher desk written with blood: "be mine ♡" it was definitely not her.

✮⋆˙ Miss Circle would have no problem in eliminating anyone who she sees a threat or who falls in love with you and she wouldnt even try to hide it, you would just see the multilated body who was missing half of their skin of the someone who gave you a good morning too kindly.

✮⋆˙ Miss Circle is controlling, aggressive, narcissistic, mean and clingy, she would often be mean to you too, but in a passive aggressive way because thats how she shows you love, by controlling you and bully you into doing what she demanded asked and when she is not showing her love to you in words, shes just clinging into you like a cat.

✮⋆˙ Like, if you were just chilling, she would come with a ":3" face with her eyes closed and would rest her head on your shoulder, if she could purr, she would, thats probably the only way she shows love without making your mental health 5x worse.

✮⋆˙ She would kidnap you but she feels like she could break you, so she decided against it to not take the risk of losing you and your charm to insanity.

✮⋆˙ Would have no problem in teaching you a lesson if you tried to leave her, a scratch or two on your arm or leg, enough to draw blood would probably do the trick, if not, she could break some bones to make sure the letter is passed.

✮⋆˙ Miss Circle would definitely stalk you, in school, on your way home, everywhere, if she gets the possibility to, she WILL do it, she does that to make sure you are safe and of course, to admire you.

✮⋆˙ But of course, she wont stop saying and thinking that you are very lucky to he with her, someone so feared and respected because of her hostility and merciless brutality and she will say it to your face.

✮⋆˙ If you try to leave her... i dont think things will end well for you, lets say that... she thinks you are just flawless and beautiful, she needs you at all costs, but if you dont want that... well... if she cant have you... No one can.

✮⋆˙ "I love you."

[mj0702]

The other Bronze – Part 11

Hey guys... here's the promised next Part

As always my thanks go out to all my anons (especially gold star and lunatic), to my Bubs @samkerrworshipper and my best management @valewosomtb 🤣

I hope you enjoy it and since I'm bored AF Part12 is already in the making ❤️

“Hey... hey” you suddenly hear after you stomped out of the hotel and you felt a hand on your shoulder stopping you from getting away “What's the matter Liefje?”

You turned around to come face to face with one Sarina Wiegman who looked at you concerned. You were so angry that you couldn't answer her and just started to throw your arms up and around trying to bring your point across while grunting deeply

“Okay... calm down...” Sarina said after a minute of you flinging your arms around grabbing your shoulders to ground you

You took several deep breaths knowing your adoptive mom wouldn't push you and most certainly wouldn't judge you for your actions

“Good... you're doing good.... just calm down and tell me what happened” the Dutch woman spoke calmly seeing that Leah came sprinting out of the hotel looking for you. Sarina shook her head at her Capitan and the blonde retreated back after she saw the national team coach already took care of you

“She roomed me with... LJ” you practically spit out the name of the young player

“Who? What?” Sarina looked confused

“Leah... she roomed me with James” you got upset again

“Okay.... keep calm Liefje... I'll talk to Leah – but I think she had her reasons... and you can always sleep in my room if you want” the blonde Dutch said keeping her voice calm

“But WHY would she do that?” you asked your voice getting desperate

“We can go ask her – and don't forget y/n... none of the know what happened three years ago” Sarina reminded you softly

“Still.. it's not really a secret that we don't get along” you huffed knowing your “mom” was right once again

“Just get your stuff I'm in room 528” Sarina smiled giving you the opportunity to swap rooms if you wanted to

“Naah it's fine... wouldn't go over the Skippers head” you smiled already planning tons of pranks on Leah and tons of things to annoy LJ

“You know where to find me if you need me” the Dutch smiled back “And now off you go... meeting in 30 minutes”

“Yes mevrouw” you saluted mockingly

“Your dutch gets better... Viv or Jill?” Sarina grinned ignoring your little teasing

“Viv... Jill only teaches me stuff you wouldn't approve of” you grinned

“Why am I not surprised.. now off... 25 Minutes” the blonde smiled “Oh and y/n...” she said after you started to scramble off

“Yeah?” you turned around again

“If you ever need to talk about what happened back then... I'm always here to listen okay?” the dutch said and you heard that she was serious

“Yeah I know Mama Rina... thank you” you smiled softly

“Always Liefje” Sarina smiled back before shushing you away

“y/n” you heard when you entered the lobby again

“Not now Williamson” you growled at her “Just give me my fucking room card and leave me alone”

Leah was taken aback at your aggressive tone and handed you your card

“406” the blonde Capitan said as you snatched the card out of her hand

You grabbed your bag which was standing next to Leahs feet (definitely NOT where you left it) and walked towards the staircase

“There's an elevator” the blonde yelled after you confused

“Need to let some steam off or I'll rearrange my roommates face” you yelled back as you pushed the door to the staircase open disappearing in it

You used the stairs to the first floor to warm your leg muscles up before doing high knees until the second floor and then do some footwork until floor 3 and then use the remaining steps to cool down a little. When you finally reached your room you pulled out your phone asking your girlfriend for her room number before you took a deep breath swiping the card to open the door.

“There you are slow poke” LJ grinned at you while you considered ignoring her or punching her but since you knew Sarina wouldn't be too happy with you punching one of her forwards you decided to ignore her

“Hey... I talked to you... you really going to ignore me?” the dark skinned woman said confused

“Okay look... here's how this is going to work... If I'm in here, you are not... if you are in here I won't be” you sighed deeply throwing your bag on the empty bed

“What... what's wrong? Jesus y/n... why are you hostile towards me?” LJ asked and THAT really hit a nerve with you

“Really??? YOU of all people asked why I'M so hostile?? YOU were the reason I nearly needed a FOURTH ACL surgery bitch” you exploded not knowing Keira was right outside your door

“Oh my god... is this what this is all about?? For god heavens – that was like... three years ago” LJ rolled her eyes

“I told you the whole time I CAN'T kick a ball.... and what do you do? You passed it right into my walk... I was on crutches!!!” you yelled “YOU made me fall and instead of coming over and help me you fucked off because you were scared Lucy would rip you in half!! Sarina of all people found me... SARINA who just took over from Phil... she found me and alerted the medics that I needed med aid... and what did they do... shipped me off to hospital because my stitches ripped open and I was bleeding like fuck... they wanted to fast track me into the OR... they just didn't because neither Luce nor Keira were there with us to approve for a surgery... so thank you for that backstabbing bitch...”

“It wasn't on purpose!” the darker one defended herself

“Bullshit!!! Your accuracy is at something over 90... you knew EXACTLY where that ball would end up!!” you were THIS close to strangle her

“You can't prove it” LJ said and you knew you were right

“I don't need prove because I KNOW... and now fuck off... I need to shower” you growled turning towards the bathroom “Oh and if you decide to ignore my warning... I bet you look DASHING without eyebrows”

When you exit the shower you were relieved to find the room empty – or so you thought. You just started to change when you heard a voice behind you

“Is it true? That it was LJ who made you trip and not your clumsiness?” you immediately reconized Keiras voice.

You didn't even jump. You just stilled your movement hanging your head low sighing deeply

“You were never meant to hear that” you said your voice barley above a whisper

“God y/n... that was a yes or no question” Keira pressed the matter

“No comment” you sighed

“Why didn't you tell me?” the blonde asked

“There's nothing to tell... I tripped” you sighed again before pulling Georgias shirt over your head and turning around faking a happy smile

“You never lied to me.. don't start now Bitsy” Keira said immediately her eyes locking on yours

“I won't say anything regarding that matter... it's in the past and it's over...” you shrugged your shoulders

“Then tell me at least why” the blonde said not letting go – you never expected her you just knew Keira too well

“I ain't no snitch... she was... is.. she is the “new star” in this team... isn't that what the media called her... if I'd said something Lucy would have probably killed her... you too... so.. I tripped” you shrugged your shoulders again but the look on your face was deeply sad

“God Bitsy...” Keira sighed sadly running her hands over her face “... you should have said something... it all makes so much more sense now... you don't touch a ball only because you're hurting... but because you're scared – the last time a ball touched your feet you ended up in hospital again... alone”

“Wasn't alone... Sarina was with me – never let go of my hand” you mumbled

“Is that why you were suddenly so close to her?” the blonde asked

“Yeah... she knew all along... she saw what happened... but I made her promise to not say anything to you or Luce... and to not kick LJ of the team because she is a good player – not a good person, but a good player... she fits in the teams playing style” you explained

“I will...” Keira started and you interrupted her quickly

“You won't anything Keira Walsh... I swear to god if you risk your place on the team then I seriously go all ballistic on your ass” you said sternly

“I don't think you realize how many people in this team love you... you grew up with 70% of the team y/n... I don't have to risk anything... I just would have to mention it to some people” Keira simply shrugged her shoulders

“Kei no... if you do that I will never forgive you... that's my thing... it doesn't concern the team or players – it only concerns me and James” you held Keiras look your features hardening

“Okay... okay” the blonde lifted her hands in a surrounding matter “But if anything else happens I want you to tell me”

“Pff... she doesn't have the balls to do anything” you rolled your eyes “But you could help me out for a hot minute” you smirked

“Your girlfriend is already downstairs hoping to escape your sister by sitting right in front of Sarina when the meeting starts...” the blonde chuckled

“That's why I didn't get an answer” you huffed “... but not the help I need... I need you to distract Lucy... just for a minute”

“Really... a quickie?” Keira raised her eyebrow

“No... god Kei... are you that desperate that you want to get included in MY sexlife???” you asked bewildered

“God no...” the blonde rolled her eyes “... you are not really my type”

“Good... because you wouldn't be able to keep up anyway” you waved off “I need Luces leather jacket...”

“I won't comment on your statement and just gonna ask... what do you need the leather jacket for?” Kei asked already starting to pinch the bridge of her nose

“You'll see... but Kei.. Pleeeaaaase... you just need to distract her for a second” you begged puppy eyes full on display

“I basically raised you... these don't work on me.. one question... whatever you planned... is it dangerous?” the blonde asked seriously

“I promise on all that is holy to me... it's not... it's just fun... your type of fun... not my type of fun” you answered honestly and Keira saw you weren't lying

“How do you want to get the jacket out of there” Keira mused

“That won't be a problem... you just need to keep her occupied for a minute” you grinned your phone already in your hand

“The things I do for your happiness Bitsy” the blonde rolled her eyes but stood up to leave for your sisters room

Two minutes later Keira knocked on the door just for Less to open it. She quickly smirked at Keira winking at her before turning around

“Lucy... Keiras here for you” the youngest one said retreating back into the room

“Yeah?” your sister said as she stepped into the doorframe

“Ehrm... yeah... I...” Keira started being a little taken aback at how Less would know before she suddenly KNEW how the holy leather jacket will exit the room and when she glanced past Lucy she already saw Less rummaging through Lucys bag “I wanted to ask if we could probably switch holidays back”

“Huh?” Lucy said confused

“Sorry... with Narla... you know how I said I would like her for Christmas? If it's okay with you could we maybe switch so you take her at Christmas?” the blonde tried to sound as convincing as possible

“Of course... you know you didn't have to come here to ask... you could just have texted” your sister looked even more confused

“Just checked on Bitsy... Leah roomed her with LJ... so I was around the corner anyway” the blonde shrugged

“Really... that's awesome!!” Lucy exclaimed happily “Maybe they start to finally get along again – I mean they were really close when they were younger”

“Scuse me...” Less pushed herself out the door lightly pushing Lucy out of the way as Keira just stepped aside seeing the light bulge under Lessis shirt

“Oi... where you going??” Lucy asked confused

“Picking up Toons for the meeting... you know her – need to be there a few minutes early to kick her ass to be there in time” the young blonde yelled as she sped walk down the corridor

“Gosh... those kids these days” your sister rolled her eyes but smiled anyway

“If I remember correctly Bronze I always had to kick your ass too so we would be on time... and the ONE camp I didn't attend you were running laps over laps because you were always late” Keira teased

“ONE time... I was late ONE time” Lucy exclaimed

“Not what Jill said” the blonde shot back laughing

“Oh please... Jill didn't even remembered her name after the Euros” your sister rolled her eyes again smiling

“You didn't either” Keira smirked “I had to pick you up”

“I mean... I was rather... tipsy” your sister smiled embarrassed

“Tipsy??? You hit on me... TWICE” the blonde bursted out laughing “Apparently I reminded you of your ex”

“Don't start...” Lucy grimaced “You want to accompany me to the meeting Mrs. Walsh?”

“Oh my... what an absolute honour Mrs. Bronze... please lead the way” Keira played along as Lucy offered her arm to her

“Okay everyone... Welcome to the first Lionesses Camp on our road to the World Cup” Sarina opened the meeting smiling as she heard a few cheers at the mention of the World Cup

“Wait... where is Less??” Tooney suddenly asked looking around

“Where's the smaller Bronze?” now Millie asked too confused

“Stanway!!” Lucy immediately yelled thinking you and your girlfriend snucked away

“Over here!” Georgia yelled back lifting her hand

“Oh... oh.... okay good... stay there” your sister pointed her finger at G narrowing her eyes

“God Luce... you're worse than your mother when we started dating” Keira rolled her eyes next to your sister

“Still... WHERE IS LESS???” Ella pretty much screamed

Suddenly the team heard the surround system springing to life as the opening cords from “You're the One that I want” starting to play. Everyone looked around confused while Sarina tried to keep her players under control. You more or less kick the door open sporting a black tight jeans and a Lioness Vintage College Jacket which you had made just for THAT entrance walking inside you looked around confused as Less rounded the corner leaning against the doorframe smirking. Who wasn't smirking was your sister when she saw what Alessia was wearing – Less wore a skin tight black leather leggings with high heels (which kicked Sarina into a frenzy already seeing Less breaking her ankle because that girl tripped over air) a 80s black top and HER holy leather jacket. You locked eyes with Less and smirked as she pushed herself off the doorframe and you started your little dance like Danny and Sandy all those years back. You even recuted Millie, Rach and Tooney as Pink Ladies pulling out the signature pink jackets from their hiding spots where you placed them before. To say there were a LOT of pictures of Millie “the brickwall” Bright stuffed in a pink jacket which was at least one size too small was an understatement. In the end three quarters of the team was dancing along while the remaining quarter took videos and pictures laughing along. Even Sarina showed off one or two dance moves. As the song ended you had Less in your arms her legs around your waist as you carried her down the aisle laughing loudly. That you stepped on LJs foot hard when you passed her was pure coincidence.

“Oh my god that was amazing” Less laughed as you set her down again

“Only took us 4.5 month to get it done but hey... a dare is a dare” you grinned

“That was one of Toons best dares to day” the blonde grinned “Did you see Sarina... she was full on groovy”

“Didn't knew she could throw out moves like that.... but now we should head back” you smirked “Not that I have to attend but I’ll suffer with you out of sympathy”

“Come on in Danny and Sandy” Sarina grinned as she saw you standing in the door again “May I ask what caused this interruption?”

“Tooney dared us” you shrugged smirking as Ella yelled a “Backstabber!”

“Oh really... not that I didn't enjoy your little show.... so a round of applause for Danny and Sandy over here” the Dutch started and then paused for the applause the team graced you with “... but now we're behind on the schedule and you know what I hate nearly as much as losing?”

“When someone takes your last stroopwaffle?” you smiled innocently already knowing where this rhetorical question is heading

“Nice one... but no... I hate being behind schedule with a passion... so both of you laps tomorrow morning before training” the blonde Dutch woman smiled sweetly as you and Less groaned out

“I even speak with the stadium manager if they could play your song while you're running” Sarina smirked

“Ugh” you rolled your eyes but accepted your fate huffing out as you plopped down in the seat next to your girlfriend which was earlier occupied by Ella who miraculously was sitting next to Niamh now.

Just as your ass touched the chair you heard Lucys signature whistle which made you turn towards her instantly looking at her confused. She nodded her head signalling you to move seats so you wouldn't sit with Georgia. You looked at her even more confused as you shook your head. Your sister nodded your head again this time with more authority to which you just lifted your middle finger smiling before pulling a face at her turning back around

“Y/n” you heard the warning of your sister clearly from three rows behind you

“What... I can sit wherever I want...” you said back but not turning around anymore before starting to smirk

“Sarina” you said innocently lifting your hand like you were back in school

“Yes? Didn't know that this was a Q&A but yes?” the Dutch said a little annoyed

“Lucy is interrupting my concentration with her talking” you faked innocents smirking as Sarinas eyes snapped towards your sister

“I didn't do anything” Lucy defended herself “Just told her to move”

“And why would she do that?” the blonde Dutch asked raising her eyebrow and you snickered knowing you just activated Mama bear mode

“I don't think it's a good idea my sister and Georgia sitting next to each other” Lucy grumbled out

“Why? Because they're dating? Dear god Lucy... grow up... I let you room with your girlfriend at the time and don't think the whole floor didn't hear what you were up to” Sarina shot back successfully making your sister blush embarrassed while Keira coughed which sounded suspiciously like a “told you”

“Anything else to discuss?” the Dutch asked strict into the round of world class players who all shook their head eyes wide

“Good... then we can finally continue... and y/n... keep your hands to yourself so your sister won't die of a burst vein” Sarina rolled her eyes looking at a red headed sulking Lucy Bronze

“It's not like I'm gonna rip her clothes off right here and have my way with her in front of all of you....” you grumbled which caused Millie to burst out laughing at Georgias wide eyed shocked impression

“Please stop talking” your girlfriend begged with you already feeling the holes in the back of her head from Lucys hard stares

“I mean I wouldn't have a problem with it.. I already saw every single woman in this room naked so nothing to be embarrassed about for me...” you shrugged your shoulders as G covered her face with her hands groaning

“Okay...” Sarina clapped her hands “I have two more topics to discuss and then you are free for the night and you can do whatever – or whoever – you want”

You snickered as now Lucy AND your girlfriend groaned loudly. Millie actually took the opportunity to reach over Rachel to high-five you. The meeting went by without any more interruptions and about 20 Minutes later Sarina officially ended the meeting. You immediately shot out of your seat grabbing Georgias hand to pull her up but you let go immediately as you notice your sisters glare.

“Just helped her up” you lifted your hands in surrender as you walked towards the exit.

You noticed Keira bumping into you grinning knowingly. You looked at her confused but she just winked at you.

“You with me...” Lucy said as she pulled you along her arm over your shoulders

“Excuse me... this is a free country and I can go wherever I want” you exclaimed as you had no choice than to follow her

“You'll spend the evening with me...” your sister growled lowly just seconds before Tooney screamed so everyone would hear it

“Team bonding in Mearps and my room... 30 minutes... bring all the snacks we're not allowed to eat for the next week”

Mary didn't look happy but with all the happy cheers surrounding her she just sighed and just accepted it

“You'll sit next to me” Lucy declared before letting you go

“You know I have two sides, right? G can still sit next to me... or on top of me” you smirked

“My favourite place anyway” you heard your girlfriend mumble under her breath as she passed you and Lucy

“What did you just say??” your sister looked at her friend shocked

“Nothing” your girlfriend said quickly embarrassed and started to walk away a little faster

“Hey Luce” you pulled a little on your sisters shirt (mainly to distract her from going after your girlfriend)

“Yeah?” Lucy looked at you annoyed and you put on your best puppy eyes face

“Can I have a tenner please? Pleeeaaaase Lucy” you begged your voice sweet as sugar

“What you need a tenner for?” your sister asked confused

“Need to buy some snacks... saw a Tesco down the road” you shuffled around knowing small you always did the trick

“You're not going there alone... give me a minute and I'll go with you” Lucy rolled her eyes

Yep – still works. You grinned as your sister parked you at Millies side with the order to not let you wander off to which the tall player just grabbed your shirt before returning to her conversation with Lotte. Three minutes later Lucy was back with a jacket and a baseball cap on her head taking your hand as she led you outside

“I want you to know I'm not against your relationship” Lucy started once you were out of earshot from everyone

“Feels like it” you mumbled

“I'm not.. I just want to see if G stands up for you if she gets pressured” your sister assured you “Because fuck Bubs... if anyone outside of this team finds out you both are neck deep in shit”

“Lucy... I really appreciate you looking out for me... really... I love you you are my sister – more than my sister... you are my best friend... but you can't do that to G... because being pressured from YOU is far worse than anything the press could throw at her... you are her idol – she looks up to you” you said as you grabbed your sisters hand continuing to walk

“I need to be sure she can protect you Bubs” Lucy said insistent

“You know she can... who do you think she learned it from?” you answered just as firmly

“I just... I need to know she won't run” your sister said her voice now lower

“Did you know she nearly didn't take the call up for this camp because she's so scared that you basically tell her you don't approve” you blurted out “I PROMISED her that everything is going to be okay and work out... don't make me a liar Luce... I'm a lot of things but I ain't no liar”

“I... didn't know that... and I promise I will turn it down but I can't let her off the hook so easy – I'm your sister after all” Lucy said and a small smile appeared around the edges of her mouth

“How about you turn it off instead of turn it down?” you asked hopefully as you grabbed a shopping cart pushing it right into the aisle with all the sweets loading everything you could grab into the cart

“No sorry... can't do that... but I promise I turn it down... hey... you said a tenner... that's much more than a tenner” your sister exclaimed as she saw how you loaded up your shopping cart

“Good thing my sister is earning a shit ton of money then” you grinned as you climbed up the shelf to reach Starburst, Dweeps and some Taverners.

“Come back down... you space cadet will hurt yourself” Lucy whisper yelled looking around the aisle if anyone was watching you

“I'm too small to reach them otherwise” you huffed out as you stood on your toes on the second shelf

“That's a sign from God that you shouldn't eat that sugary stuff” your sister growled as she stepped behind you to hold you at your waist so she could catch you if you slip.

“We don't believe in God” you grumbled back as you FINALLY got the bag of sweets you were angling for “HA!!! Gotcha bitch” you exclaimed happily grinning widely as you hopped backwards right into Lucys arms

“Aaaaand five sets of 15... you really cashing in those push ups” your sister grinned as she caught you easily

“Oh come on... you can't up my push ups...” you whined as you started to walk towards the check-out

“That makes no sense and yes I can...” Lucy rolled her eyes smirking

“That'll be £78.85” the teenager behind the register said as he threw all your stuff in plastic bags

“EXCUSE ME???” your sister exclaimed loudly looking at you shocked “You said a tenner”

“One tenner... eight tenner... tomato tomahto” you waved off but nodded towards the cash desk grinning

“I get that money back” your sister narrowed her eyes at you as she pulled out her debit card

“How?? I don't earn money” you shrugged your shoulders as you grabbed the multiple bags

“Then you work it off... my apartment is usually a little dusty when I come back from camp” Lucy smirked as she followed you out of the shop

“Okay... don't come running to me if something important is broken” you said nonchalantly

“True.. that's not a good idea... you probably wouldn't even do it on purpose...” your sister huffed “Oh... you will be my bag boy this week...” she grinned

“Yeah no... still female” you answered after you pulled your shirt forward glancing at your chest

“God you are unbelievable” Lucy groaned

“Learned it from the best” you grinned back

“You know it Bubs” your sister smirked as the two of you entered the hotel again

You saw Sarina before she could spot you and Lucy. You quickly looked down to all the bags you were carrying and decided you got in enough trouble for one day. So you looked at Lucy with puppy eyes

“Could you please hold the bags for a second? I have something in my shoe” you pushed out your lower lip

“Course...” Lucy shrugged as you handed over all the bags getting down to untie your shoe.

“Lucia Bronze I hope these bags are not filled with snacks” you heard Sarina exclaim firmly and looked up to see Lucys white shocked face.

You couldn't help yourself and snickered quietly because your plan worked just too well

“Ehrm” Lucy started to stutter

“Why do you Bronzes always feel the need to give me a headache?” the Dutch answered not even waiting for your sister to answer

“Keira always says something similar” you grinned from your place on the ground

“Hand them over” Sarina pointed to the bags

“Mama Rina please...” you started to beg not wanting to give up your goods

“No... we are preparing” the Dutch started and you interrupted her

“... for a World Cup I know... but let us have this evening...” you used your best puppy eyes “Just tonight... Pleeeaaaase”

“You can keep ONE bag...” Sarina said giving in slightly

“Two” you quickly started to hackle

“ONE...” the Dutch stood her ground while Lucy just silently watched

“Can I put it together myself?” you asked carefully

“Sure... ONE bag Liefje” Sarina nodded

You emptied all the bags on the ground of the hotel lobby starting to sort through all your sweets already a plan forming in your head. It took you about seven minutes and all the sweets were in little piles around you.

“One bag, yes?” you asked the womens head coach

“One bag” she confirmed raising an eyebrow catching on that you got a plan

“Challenge accepted” you smirked as you carefully started to stacking the candy into one plastic bag.

And god you really outdid yourself this time. The bag was ready to explode but you fitted everything (except a bag of Wine Gums but you knew Sarina loved those) into the plastic sack smirking widely

“One Bag” you smirked smugly as Lucy couldn't hold back and bursted out laughing

“Well played Liefje... go before I change my mind” Sarina smirked back

“Come on Luce” you quickly got off the ground shoving the heavy overfilled bag in your sisters arms starting to run off.

“Please don't let her eat too much of that” the Dutch laid her hand on Lucys arm

“And let her have a full grown ass sugar rush? Absolutely not...” your sister smiled back

“Good...” Sarina nodded smiling as you turned around waiting for the elevator

“Come on Lucy... how do you want to play in a World Cup when you can't even make it to the elevator??” you yelled happily that you “outsmarted” Sarina

“Coming...” your sister yelled back not even caring that half the lobby now turned their heads towards you

“I thought you were getting snacks?” Ella said first thing as she opened the door seeing you standing there empty handed

“Sloth over there has it” you nodded towards your sister who was about three doors down carrying the bag in her arms

“Oh my GOD” Tooney gawked when she laid eyes on the full bag

“Been called that before” you said as you grinningly winked at your girlfriend just for your sister to kick you gently

“Stop it... you want me to turn it down so you turn it down as well” Lucy grumbled as she pushed past you throwing the bag onto the bed

“What... I got that through Sarina” you exclaimed

“True... that was good” your sister said impressed

“Thank you...” you grinned happily “Millie Bright I KNOW you just didn't grab MY Dweebs!!” you shouted as you threw yourself on top of Millie wrestling with her over a bag of candies

“Bitsy stop it” Keira interrupted sternly “NOW”

“But...” you whined as you sat half on top of Millie who had the Dweebs behind her back grinning at you

“No buts... come here” the blonde said firmly

“Someone is in trouble” Millie grinned

“I don't even know what I would have done” you said clueless

“Bitsy” Keira said again and her tone was just a big fat warning

You climbed of Millie and quickly shuffled over to Keira standing in front of her like a kid that just got caught with its hand in the cookie jar. Keira just nodded next to her and you knew where you would sit the entire night

“Why?” you whined as you plopped down next to her

“Over my dead body will you eat Dweebs at this time” Keira coughed “I won't have you running wild at 2AM waking up an entire hotel”

“That's not fair... I got it all up here” you grumbled and sunk back against the back of the couch

“And the team thanks you for your service” the blonde rolled her eyes as she fished a Mars bar from the pile of sweets “But no sugar for you at this time a night”

“I hate you” you looked at her darkly

“You can hate me all you want Bitsy... I'm not letting you have sugar” Keira shrugged her shoulder as Ella began to speak/yell

“Okay guys... we have a few newbies... so we start with the usual Truth or Dare... you know the rules... if you don't want to do or answer something you have three pass but then if you still deny something you get balled tomorrow” Tooney said happily as a few players groaned “We go youngest first.. y/n... start us off good” the brown haired women smirked knowing you have a few dares up your sleeve

“Okay... lets see...” you mused as your gaze over all the women in front of you before you suddenly smirk

“Lucy... truth or dare” you smirked at your sister

“Why meeee??” Lucy groaned

“Youngest to oldest” you couldn't stop smirking

“Dare... I don't want to know what you would squeeze out of me” your sister rolled her eyes

“Big mistake” you grinned darkly “I dare you to send the pretty spaniard a half nude AND get colorbook spaniard to record her reaction”

“WHAT??” Lucy exclaimed shocked as Keira burst out laughing while the rest just looked at you confused

“Pass or do it... but you know I start off lightly...” you smirked

“Scuse me who?” Mary interrupted

“Oh... sorry... pretty spaniard is Putellas... colorbook spaniard is León... OG is Batlle...” you explained “Lucy overdosed my pain meds and let me run loose at Camp Nope”

“You forgot two” Keira laughed

“Uh... yeah... the flawless and the sexy” you remembered suddenly

“I know who sexy is... and I approve” your girlfriend grinned proudly

“Oh I know... I mean I would be up...” you started before Keira put her hand over your mouth

“No sweetie...” she grinned fake

“I would be up for it too” Georgia ended your thought for you shrugging her shoulders as Kei groaned out

“Made for each other” Keira mumbled before letting you go again

“Come on Luce... what it's gonna be...” you smirked seeing your sister struggle to make a decision

“If this bites me in the ass I'm taking you down with me” Lucy narrowed her eyes at you before dialling Mapís number

“I was nice enough to say half nude and not nude” you grumbled

She quickly spoke to the blonde spaniard being as vague as possible basically threatening Maps with broken ankles if she wouldn't do as she says and to send her the video later. Poor Mapí was at the receiving end of threats again but she said she would do it but to give her five minutes as she was just on her way down to dinner. That made you burst out laughing knowing Alexia would receive a half nude from your sister while being surrounded by her whole team. Your sister ended the call and looked at you

“I don't have nudes” she pulled a face at you

“Liar liar pants on fire” you yelled out pointing at her since Keira held you back by your shoulder

“Not a liar” Lucy yelled back just as loud

“I KNOW you have nudes on that phone!!!!!” you exclaimed

“Yes but not of ME” your sister shot back before slapping her hand over her mouth while you gagged loudly and the room interrupted in laughter

“You asked for that Bitsy” Keira wiped a tear out of her eye still laughing “How did you know that anyway?”

“She has a folder on there labelled “private”... with a pin... doesn't take a genius to figure out what’s in there” you rolled your eyes which caused Keira into a new laughing fit

“She has that folder since we started dating” the blonde laughed as you looked at her shocked and started to shuffle away from her

“Oh Ew... isn't it illegal to say thinks like that to a minor??” you heaved

“You have sex you can cope with knowing that” Keira couldn't stop laughing at your horrified face

“Lucy... you still haven't fulfilled your dare” Rachel now smirked

“Yeah yeah... on it... is a photoshoot picture okay?” she looked at you

“Want to see it first” you grinned as Lucy turned her phone to show you the picture she meant

“That's not a half nude... that's you in a sports bra and jersey shorts... you run around the pitch like this” you said bewildered

“I don't have anything else” your sister defended herself

“There's a bathroom...” you pointed to the door “Get to it”

“Dear god... I really feel sorry for everyone who picks dare after me” Lucy huffed but pushed herself up walking into the bathroom locking the door behind her.

A minute later she came back her face grumpy

“That was quick...” you smirked “Experience?”

“With quickies in Bathrooms? In fact.. yes is do” your sister smirked back while half the room gagged because at least half the team walked in on Lucy and Kei getting some somewhere

Lucys phone went off and she threw it to you to open the message from Mapí. It showed Alexia in conversation with Jenni as she quickly glanced at her phone (most likely at Lucys picture) and quickly panicky turned her phone looking around horrified. It was just perfect and you immediately forwarded the clip to your phone to have back up and blackmail material.

“God... just perfect” you laughed so hard that tears were running down your face

The game continued but relatively calmly since the newbies were still a bit star struck and the veteran players went easy on them. Not when it came to you tho. Rachel dared you to jump into the pool naked from the second floor (which was quickly shut down by Keira – safety reasons and Lucy and Georgia – privacy reasons) so you had compromised with doing a backflip from the edge of the pool wearing just your underwear (Lucys boxers and a sports bra). You turned your back on Kei getting her into a slight discussion with your sister after she chose truth and you asked who satisfy her more her ex or her current girlfriend. You laughed so hard at Lucys offended face after Keira answered with “Totally different” that you fell of the couch (again). Then it was Georgias turn and she smirked at you.

“Hey Babe” your girlfriend grinned at you “Truth or Dare?”

“Truth” you answered quickly since you didn't want to find out what she would have dared you to do

“Okay... if we were married” G started before getting interrupted by Lucy

“Which is a LONG way down the road” your sister grumbled

“If we were married... if I were to cheat on you... would you stay with me?” your girlfriend asked and half the group went with a impressed “Oooooh”

“Would I stay with you if you cheated on me?” you repeated her question faking thinking about it “Yeah... yeah I would stay with you”

“Really?” Georgia looked at you surprised

“Yeah... yeah I would really stay with you” you shrugged your shoulders

“You said that so fast” G said smiling lovingly

“Wait for it” Keira mumbled knowing you wouldn't just forgive something like cheating easily

“Yeah... cus we got married... we promised each other vows and stuff” you looked at her with a blank face “...in sickness and in health till death do us apart”

“Aw... I love you so much” your girlfriend basically swooned while some of the Lionesses in the room got a soft smile on their lips

“Yeah... I'd stay with you for the rest of your tragically VERY short lived life...” you kept going and your girlfriend got big eyes

“Huh? What?” she asked a little frightened undertone

“... that ended suddenly... quickly... randomly...” you started to smirk evilly your voice calm as the sea before a storm

“Why are you so scary?” Tooney now asked

“... without a trace... no one could find you” your smirk stayed on your face as you raised an eyebrow not breaking the eye contact with your girlfriend.

Everyone looked at you. The newbies looked at you scared, the crazy veterans like Millie and Rach impressed and Lucy of course had a proud smile on her face

“Still a Bronze” your sister said proudly “Good answer Bubs”

“My turn... LJ” you smirked darkly and Keira perked up “Truth or Dare”

So did your sister but for a different reason than Keira

“Ehrm... truth?” the dark skinned woman asked and you shook your head and she quickly changed her answer “DARE!!! I take the dare”

“I dare you to stay as far away from Lucy this camp as possible without interrupting your training or schedule” you grinned as Keira pinched your side

“I'll pass” LJ said now smirking smugly

“Okay... consider this your only warning” you smirked back

“Okay... Woah... calm down” Lucy interrupted your stare off “Can't you two just get along? You were such good friends when you were younger”

“Yeah... were... correct use of past tense” you said flatly still holding eye contact with LJ

“I said I was sorry” the black haired player said

“Yeah... sorry isn't cutting it this time” you shook your head as you pushed yourself up “Friends don't do that what you did” you said before you left the room

“Bitsy” you heard Keira called after you

“y/n” you heard G simultaneously as she quickly got up to go after you

“You stay here Stanway” Lucy got in her way

“Lucy I say that with the most respect I can muster up right now but get out of my way or I'll kick your bad knee” Georgia said calmly only thinking about you in the moment not even realizing that she just threatened your sister

“Calm her down... either I or Kei will find you two” Lucy said lowly before she stepped aside letting Georgia sprinting after you

“Okay... Spill LJ.. My sister doesn't get upset that easy... what was she talking about” Lucy turned around fixing Lauren with a glare

“Something between us” the young one shrugged her shoulders “I swear I sort it out Lucy”

“You better... because as much as I admire you as a player and also as a friend but she is my sister” Lucy warned before leaving the room searching for you and Georgia as Keira looked straight at LJ

“You won't be able to fix this... but I promised her I won't take any actions against you so you can call yourself so SO lucky... and thank God that she is the bigger person” the blonde said her tone lightly threatening as she was standing up leaving to

Neither nor Keira were able to find you which was very unusual as you normally stick to places where one of them two would find you for comfort. But not this time. After 45 Minutes and more recruited veterans and without a result Keira told Lucy to give up and since Georgia was missing too she was sure you were safe

“G will keep her save Lucy...” Keira said softly as your sister looked behind the plants down by the pool again

“It's just...” Lucy started looking so lost

“I know.. but she still needs you Luce... even if she has G now...” the blonde said softly understanding immediately what Lucy was trying to say

“Yeah... it's just so.. odd... one moment I hold her hands as she's taking her first steps next moment she has a girlfriend and is all grown up” your sister mumbled

“Oh Luce.... she's still that kid that needs to hold onto your hand but she also needs to experience life” Keira said sympathetically

“You'll text when you hear something from her or G yeah?” Lucy mumbled as she gave up looking for you

“Of course” Keira smiled as she squeezed Lucys shoulder lightly

“There you are” Keira said as Georgias finger flew up to her lips signalling the blonde to keep her voice down as you were fast asleep on top of your girlfriend your face pressed into her neck your right hand on top of her heart with an icepack laying on it

“What happened?” the older one whispered as she spotted the ice pack

“Found her in the staircase punching the wall... nearly got a shiner meself” Georgia said as she adjusted her hold on you pulling you closer

“Fuck... what a mess” Keira sighed as she sat down on the bed next to you stroking some loose hairs out of your face “You need to be there for her G... no matter how hard she tries to push you away you need to stand by her”

“I won't let go, Kei... never” your girlfriend whispered pulling you as close as physical possible.

“Good... because you will face a lot of pushback and on top of that you'll have Lucy breathing down your neck” the blonde said while she kept her eyes trained on you looking for just a simple tell that you feel uneasy but to her big surprise you were completely relaxed and calm “And you are good for her G.. don't listen to anyone who tells you differently”

“Thanks Kei... means a lot to have you on my side” your girlfriend mumbled and pressed a kiss to your forehead

“Just want the best for the two of you.. now act asleep I need a picture for Lucy that her baby sister is save and sound” the blonde smirked as she pulled out her phone.

Lucy was pacing in her room as Alessia just watched her

“Hey Lucy... is y/n okay?” the young player asked sadly

“Hm?” your sister looked up from her pacing noticing Less sad face “Yeah Less... she'll be alright... you know her”

“Good... I don't like to see her upset” the blonde huffed

“Me neither Less... me neither” your sister mumbled as she got the picture of G and you “sleeping” in their room “But she's going to be okay – she has picked a good one... if you ever tell G I said that I force Brussels sprouts down your throat” your sister immediately threatened Lessi as she started to smirk

“Ugh... not the little balls of hell” the blonde gagged

“Come on blondie... let's hit the hay... Sarina will have our asses tomorrow morning for y/n fooling her with the snacks and sweets” your sister grinned as she changed into her pjs

You woke up feeling absolutely exhausted glancing around the room. After a minute you realized Georgia right next to you snoring (not so) lightly her arm holding you securely to her side.

“Go back to sleep Bitsy” Keira mumbled

“How did you know I was up?” you whispered back

“Over the years I learned to listen to your sleep even when I sleep... your breathing changed” the blonde mumbled half asleep

“It didn't” you grumbled

“It did... you stopped snoring – and now go back to sleep... it's 3.30” Keira said knowing she only had a small window where she could get you back to sleep before you were too awake and started to get antsy

“But...” you whined

“Bitsy I love you but go back to sleep... enjoy the moments you have with your girlfriend because this probably will be the last time for this Camp that Lucy will let you stay over”

“Hm... okay” you yawned and snuggled back into Georgia who - despite being asleep – pulled you closer to her

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

Would i be the asshole for breaking up an entire friend group?

I (F21) have a friend (F21) let's call her Alice, whos dating another girl (F20), who we'll call Lydia. Alice is my best friend for over a decade, and I love her so much. However, Lydia is a total bitch to me. She stands up in front of our entire friend group and will declare things like "I won't go to the Christmas party if (anon) is there! I won't buy (anon) a present! I don't like (anon)!" and my best friend does NOTHING. in private the entire friend group has all agreed that Lydia is being really mean towards me and none of us know why, even Alice will acknowledge this in one-on-one conversations, but Alice won't say anything about it to Lydia. She doesn't stand up for me, ever, and it just encourages Lydia to escalate. She talks like I'm not standing right there and says awful things about me, and Alice just sits there and stares straight forward with a neutral expression and says nothing. The entire friend group promised they'd stage an intervention about this but on the day of the intervention NO ONE SHOWED UP, not even Lydia. When I plan a party, Lydia plans a party at the exact same time and all my friends choose Lydia's party. My dog died and my friends said they were going to come over to comfort me, but then they never showed up and the next day I found out that Lydia had messaged everyone except me to play board games at her place and they all went to Lydias???? I tried asking Lydia what I did to her because I never even knew her before Alice started dating her and she just scoffed at me?

I'm definitely leaving this friend group. It breaks my heart that none of them will stand up for me. The thing is that all my friends are kinda pissing me off with actively choosing Lydia over me. It's one thing to be like "Hey guys I'm leaving this friend group because Lydia is really rude to me and won't explain herself, and you guys aren't helping." But I'm really mad. I knew all these people YEARS before Lydia came into the equation, and they're all choosing Lydia over me because Alice is like. the leader of the friend group. and they dont want to cross her. the thing is that all of these people have sent me messages being like "yeah i dont like lydia, she really threw the vibes off" and i kinda want to post screenshots of all these messages when I leave. I'm leaving no matter what but if I can't have these friends Lydia can't either, and I know this would piss Alice off too and if she leaves, she's the glue. The friend group would definitely implode on itself. I'm not going to block anyone after I leave though because if they angry message me at least maybe I'd find out what is apparently so wrong with me that they'd side with such an aggressive girl over me. IDK part of me is worried that I've done something to all these people that they're not confronting me about and that's why they're choosing Lydia, besides Alice being the leader and the glue and simping for Lydia so bad. I'm also getting a therapist because of all this because I'd like to seriously know if there's something wrong with me.

Would I be the asshole if I try to destroy the entire friend group as I leave

What are these acronyms?

[writersdrug]

hehe hi! anon here! didn’t know what you wanted in terms of request but 😭 how about like a comfort request? i’ve just had a pretty bad academic related experience, so maybe head-canons of any character of your choosing for comfort?

Ooooh I like this a lottt.... of course I'll be using the CoD boys, but I might throw some random ones in here too, be prepared lol. Thanks for the request!!!

SORRY THIS IS SO LATE OMGGGGG

CoD 141 Headcannons: Comforting You through a Rough Academic Period

Simon "Ghost" Riley:

He wasn't really the academic type, so he couldn't entirely understand why you let yourself agonize so much over your studies.

But he respected the fact that you were working so hard to achieve your goals. Something he never got to do often for himself, since most of his job was just following orders.

He would sit there and watch as you sat, neck stuck out towards your computer and your back hunched. He'd sigh, moving behind you to roll out your back, wincing as it popped.

"Christ, love - get up and walk around for a second, yeah?"

"I'm almost done with this module, just let m-"

"Up. Now." He'd order you to move, but would drag you out of your seat whether you started to move or not. "You'll get stuck if you sit like that for too long, looking like an old man."

"Like you?"

"Oi!!"

Simon would practice your flashcards with you, although he wouldn't be very helpful. He'd just shake his head when you got the answer wrong, not bothering to help you find it.

"... is it the femur?"

"No."

"... the tibia?"

"Nope. Try again."

"Can I get a hint?"

"No."

"..."

He knew to NOT distract you when you were on a roll. He can manage keeping himself busy while you studied, doing his own work or helping with chores around the apartment.

He knew, from experience, how easy it was to forget to take care of yourself - so he did it for you. He brought you water every time you emptied your cup. He would bring you snacks periodically, or he would cook a meal for the both of you. He'd sit and eat with you, not making any conversation so he doesn't distract you.

"Anything you need, love, just tell me."

If he caught you getting distracted, whether you would glaze over what you were reading, or your conversation with him would go just a bit too long, he would redirect you back to your work.

"Finish that bit and then take a break with me."

Johnny "Soap" MacTavish:

He hated the fact that all of your time was being consumed by something other than him. When he would walk out of your bedroom first thing in the morning and see you bent over the table with your laptop and notebook, he would groan internally. He'd rather you be be bent over the table for him.

But he remembered how often you waited for him while he was deployed, so he patiently waited for you.

Well, as patient as he possibly could be.

After about three hours, you'd be the one lecturing him, telling him to go watch tv or go out and do something so you could finish. Every now and then, he'd only agree to leaving you alone if you would promise to go out to dinner with him, whether it was casual or fancy. After agreeing - and several kisses for convincing - he'd let you be.

"Wear your favorite jeans, ok?" he'd say.

"You mean your favorite jeans?"

"... yeah." he'd smile ear-to-ear.

He would stand behind you, his head resting on top of yours, his hands gently massaging your shoulders as he read along to the biochemistry textbook you had on your screen.

"Shite, hen, you studying to be a fucking wizard? What is all that keech?"

He'd constantly throw passive-aggressive praises at you, saying how you're so strong for sticking with your studies, and how he would have given up after looking at the first page.

"You gonna remember me when you're up there with the brainy blokes?"

"Of course I will, you're helping me pay for this."

"For feck's sake, I forgot 'bout that."

More than once, when you dropped your head down in frustration, he would walk over and hold it back up towards the screen.

If you studied in your bed or on the couch, he would sometimes lay with his head in your lap, wrapping his arms around your thighs with a tired pout on his lips.

"Hold me when you're finished with that, yeah?"

Kyle "Gaz" Garrick

He admired your determination to get your degree - he felt a sense of pride every time he saw you studying, especially on the days where it was particularly hard for you.

He was your #1 supporter, constantly encouraging you, praising you, and helping you see what your working towards. He'd be carrying you through the lows of your emotions, making sure you didn't feel hopeless.

"Of course you got this, babe, you're so fucking smart!"

While you were reading the module in the textbook, he'd be looking up videos on his phone about the subject, watching it on the lowest volume so as not to disturb you.

He'll sit on the floor with you, your notes strewn everywhere, listening to you talk about the subject you're working on. He'd do his best to engage in conversation with you about it, hoping that it helps you retain the information better.

Truth be told, he doesn't know much about the subject, but he's just happy to help. He'd let you vent about your current frustrations.

"It says that this piece is in 3-4..." you'd mumble.

"Yeah?" he'd reply, not sure where you were looking at on the page in front of you, but doing his best to follow along.

"... and that this one is in 4-4 too, but each note is made up of triplets."

"Triplets?!"

"Yes! And THIS one is 2-4, ALSO with triplets!! They all sound the same!!"

"How the fuck are they different?!"

"You tell me!!"

You knew he wasn't sure what you were talking about, but that he knew what you needed - a shoulder. And he always provided you with that, no matter what kind of day he'd had.

He'd encourage you with snacks, going through your flashcards with you and tossing you a pretzel every time you got one right.

"Tchaikovsky's 'Swan Lake' starts off in a blank chord."

"Melancholic?"

"Close, but try again. Think simpler."

"... minor?"

"There you go." he'd toss you a pretzel from across the couch.

Captain John Price:

Mans goes full dad-mode when helping you study.

He has a week away from missions? You'd best believe he's spending it at the dinner table with you. He'd work on his own things, sitting next to you, while you study.

He had a no-phone rule at the table while you worked. At first you whined and fidgeted with your hands, itching to check your phone for any form of distraction. Eventually, you gave up, diving into your studies as Price smiled smugly.

Like Simon, he'd be bringing you snacks and water throughout the day. Lots of shoulder massages, scalp massages, and stretch breaks (he'd try to participate, until he'd strain his back too much).

If he notices you struggling, evident in the way you scowl and grip your hair near the scalp, he'd sit right beside you and try to help you understand the material.

Unless it was math. He couldn't stand math.

"What's that?"

"That's mu."

"Come again?"

"It's a Greek letter, it represents the population mean."

"English, love."

"N-no, it's Greek!"

"Huh?!"

"Never mind, John, I got it from here." You'd kiss his cheek, thankful for the moment of amusement he'd provided. He'd continue staring at the screen, grumbling about how ridiculous math had become over the years.

For at least one of your breaks, he'd insist on taking you for a walk. You'd stroll around the neighborhood, basking in the chilly Autumn air mixed with Price's warm arm around yours. As hard as it was for him to drag you out of the house, you were thankful for his stubbornness to get you moving. The pace of the walk and the sound of the atmosphere around you helped clear your head of any frustration and brain fog. You'd close your eyes and lean your head against Price's shoulder, trusting him to take the lead.

A day spent studying was rewarded with an hour or two either in front of the tv, lying in Price's embrace, or the two of you just sitting on the cough together, having a conversation free of your school subjects. Most of the time, you'd fall asleep before him, and he'd let you lie there for a minute before he'd carry you to bed.

"Try not to work yourself too hard, love. Y' need to be strong for me tomorrow."