#I'm not sure I'm happy with it now either

[jack-bytez-genuine-corner]

I hate being politically knowledgeable so I'll give some real quick off the cuff reasons why you shouldn't doom scroll but should be a little hopeful and stay engaged, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't take a break over long periods, I'm basically just laying out some potentials for why you should be joyful towards 2026.

* 2/3rds of government would be needed to enact a large chunk of Project 2025 not counting outright SCOTUS intervention. This matters as for the SCOTUS to even exist as an institution Trump can never be more powerful than they are, putting their interests square opposite of Trump's want to be a dictator. Similarly the business wall street interests that propelled Trump to this point will be facing the harsh realities of an unstable economy long before anything even happens. As Trump becomes more unglued he will lash out more and more which will put Wallstreet, that only wanted him for the immediate sell off we're seeing now, pressed between a dictator wannabe's wishes and a US that is even more isolated from it's allies and trade partners while the citizenry themselves are forced to buckle down due to the very little high tariffs that will double the price of everyday goods forcing companies to either drastically drop prices and sell at a loss or keep prices high like they are now and push it off on the consumer who will buy infinitely less as a result. The most scary part of the Republican agenda is a deck of cards that falls over predicated entirely on Republicans ability to maintain the balance between worshipping corporations and keeping the peons angry and content enough to not strike out.

* 2026 is an inevitable Dem flip for 2 reasons. 1, people will actually live with Trump again and will remember exactly why so many people found him unpalatable in the first place. You can also be sure that any RNC mandate to ban say "Porn", that being anything queer or woman health centric, IVF, Abortion and the rolling back of social safety nets will inevitably cause innocent people to die and shell shock the exact same people who voted for him this time around. After all it's incredibly hard to be Latino, MAGA and happy when your own elected officials hate your guts and very real people you know are being deported in one of the most expensive and brutal moves in American history, rivaling Asian internment camps. 2, none of this is predicted on Trump doing anything more than what he already has promised to do and it is not reliant on Republicans being actual, considerate human beings. Even looking at the vote currently lots of voters chose the couch over voting for Harris with Trump propelling his margins in large part due to Fox News, Rogan, Musk, etc. Dems for their part can just play the fact he is killing any indictments against him, can play the populous card as blue dog conservative l institualist Dems is more dead than ever before and actually focus on the issues that get Dems out to vote, and any and every gaff is just going to be free fuel for Dems. Even more, legacy media has effectively scorned more and more Americans who are now engaging alternative media sources like Brian Tyler Cohen alongside other podsters. I include him specifically due to his high quality but you have the Pod Save America guys, you have The Bulwark, all the way to the obvious loony bin manosphere with the first three being examples of HOW Dems can appeal and win future races while the last one is a highlight of a soon to be burned content mill, most notably because, again, it's going to be real hard to hate women that much when women you know and love have to suffer for no reason. You can also guarantee that the worse parts of Trump's base can and will be reinvigorated to be horrible people which is, again, part of why he lost in 2020 to begin with.

* I mentioned Wallstreet, courts and businesses earlier but it is no secret that the incompetency in each of these places is seeping through to a pretty forceful change towards unions, but even past that they have hit the point where they are the dog who caught the speeding car. Taking the business interests first, consumers have become more and more direct with their connection with businesses not being predicated on convenience nor price but on morality. When Target and Bud Light caved to altright extremists who believe the very idea that different people shouldn't be allowed to exist that opened up a Pandora's box that has seen Target and Bud Light continue to lose business, not because Republicans were their core base, but because the common person believes that queer people are acceptable while treating them as second class is not acceptable. Tesla and Musk are on the up in the stock market but the reality is that Tesla itself has been seeing less and less sales vs 100% tariff Chinese EV's due to Musk's extremism. The immediate bump they're seeing now is great for the current rot economy where infinite growth is the only acceptable outcome for investors, but there is absolutely a potential for these companies to scorn so many people that they become persona non grata and can't continue to operate. We've seen the same thing with anti DEI measures and book bans leading to less teachers and schools, abortion bans leading to less workers period, you combo that with the guaranteed hyper inflation the tarriffs will cause and the financial strife we're looking at an economic down turn that a golden parachute can't save you from, mostly because the people themselves will want a lot more than they were demanding prior. For Courts, the overturning of the Chevron decision, combo'd with the historically low effort supreme court means that more and more laws are becoming impossible to enforce, requiring constant SCOTUS intervention, but if that keeps up like we are already seeing it do so the courts will become paralyzed and cause unrest that we have not seen before, again, as the stalling tactics they used to save Trump will now be the reason for people to be subjected to unjust laws waiting on appeal. The SCOTUS, for their part, is guaranteed to be Republican majority who can and will overstep yet again like they did with Roe, but they can't cede power fully to Republicans/Trump because if they do they will cease to have any power, because dictators don't need a court because they are the court. This tightrope means that any dissent is very likely going to cause these current supporters of the RNC being forced to buck the current support they give. This will be made even worse for them when inevitably Trump pardons January 6th insurrectionists, his cronies and himself, reigniting the heated eyes on the courts without the safety net of Dem institutionalists who will likely lose all power following the collapse of the Harris and Biden campaign. Reminder that it was a nigh gift to Republicans that Biden appointed Merrick Garland, a feckless, cowardly institutionalist himself that was so scared of Republican name calling he refused to actually try and charge Republicans WE KNOW we're involved with the insurrection in order to seem nonpartisan, the miscalculation is that there will BE no more feckless conservative Dem institutionalists as the main two are no longer in the running for leadership with Obama and Clinton having now burned every perceivable bridge to guide the party. I won't say this will lead to a Bernie progressive party, but it will absolutely be more populist and you're going to see way less outreach to Republicans and far more to actual voters who actually matter. Republicans win on low turnout, this was a low turnout election, and NOTHING increases turnout like rage, and honestly? American Dems have a lot more to be angry about that Republicans at this point given the complete and total failure of every single institution meant to act as a check on the President and Political officials.

* The only bill Republicans could pass among themselves was a tax cut for the rich from 2016 to 2018, with a lot of their "Accomplishments" being pen and paper executive orders which are just as easily made as they are broken. Their current R House Congress is one of the least productive in history. Do you truly believe they can actually pull off any dangerous bills or constitutional amendments without absolutely fucking themselves over, especially now that McConnell is out of the picture in Senate and any competent Republican in the House like Cheey, the only person who was capable of getting Republicans the SCOTUS and the only person capable of pretending the party has any morals? The answer is they can't. I have no doubts they'll pass some horrible shit, but will they have to kill the filibuster? Will they have a house majority? If they have a house majority by how much and will they play nice long enough among themselves to pass the bills? After all Gaetz and other MAGA Republicans are not popular among their cowardly peers and their cowardly peers have bucked them before. If you ask me I don't think they can. The most dangerous things they can do involve federal agencies and state governments, but if they do those dangerous things it'll piss people off and we'll go right back to the original point that a pissed off population will be extra bad for Republicans due to the fact that institutionalist Dems are now completely out of favor.

Long worded way to say that you can be hopeful for the midterms. I know this country seems like a horrible place filled with horrible people, cause it is, but that doesn't mean horrible people out number people who care about trans people, queer people, women, POC, etc. The issue is getting those people to vote and not just sit on the couch and it also lies in actively talking the insane Republicans back into reality, a thing they desperately don't want to do thanks to Fox News and Republican media sources. I'm hopeful for 2026, I'm just extremely angry that very real, very innocent people who didn't have to die, who weren't going to die, will, because too many people would rather they die than a Black Asian woman be President. Like I can't even begin to state my disgust that we're back at 2016 again, but like with 2018, 2026 will not go well for Republicans who, even in this election were doing worse among the exact same demographics they had in 2016. A rural vote may be worth 100 votes where I live, but make no mistake that they can and will feel the squeeze that they brought upon themselves, and hopefully they'll learn this time. And if they don't, well, I hold the same common courtesy I do for Nazis; I won't even piss on them if they are fire, cause you can't keep hurting innocent people and expect infinite kindness in return.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

How to have cancer

THIS WEEKEND (November 8-10), I'll be in TUCSON, AZ: I'm the GUEST OF HONOR at the TUSCON SCIENCE FICTION CONVENTION.

I've got cancer but it's probably (almost certainly, really) okay. Within a very short period I will no longer have cancer (at least for now). This is the best kind of cancer to have – the kind that is caught early and treated easily – but I've learned a few things on the way that I want to share with you.

Last spring, my wife put her arm around my waist and said, "Hey, what's this on your rib?" She's a lot more observant than I am, and honestly, when was the last time you palpated your back over your left floating rib? Sure enough, there was a lump there, a kind of squishy, fatty raised thing, half a centimeter wide and about four centimeters long.

I'm a 53 year old man with a family history of cancer. My father was diagnosed with lymphatic cancer at 55. So I called my doctor and asked for an appointment to have the lump checked over.

I'm signed up with Southern California Kaiser Permanente, which is as close as you come to the Canadian medicare system I grew up under and the NHS system I lived under for more than a decade. Broadly speaking, I really like KP. Its app – while terrible – isn't as terrible as the other apps, and they've taken very good care of me for both routine things like vaccinations and checkups, and serious stuff, like a double hip replacement.

Around the time of The Lump, I'd been assigned a new primary care physician – my old one retired – and so this was my first appointment with her. I used the KP app to book it, and I was offered appointments six weeks in the future. My new doc was busy! I booked the first slot.

This was my first mistake. I didn't need to wait to see my PCP to get my lump checked over. There was really only two things that my doc was gonna do, either prod it and say, "This is an extremely common whatchamacallit and you don't need to worry" or "You should go get this scanned by a radiologist." I didn't need a specific doctor to do this. I could have ridden my bike down to the KP-affiliated Urgent Care at our local Target store and gotten an immediate referral to radiology.

Six weeks go by, and my doc kind of rolls the weird lump between her fingers and says, "You'd better go see a radiologist." I called the Kaiser appointment line and booked it that day, and a couple weeks later I had a scan.

The next day, the app notified me that radiology report was available in my electronic heath record. It's mostly technical jargon ("Echogenic areas within mass suggest fatty component but atypical for a lipoma") but certain phrases leapt out at me: "malignant masses cannot be excluded. Follow up advised."

That I understood. I immediately left my doctor a note saying that I needed a biopsy referral and set back to wait. Two days went by. I left her a voice message. Another two days went by. I sent another email. Nothing, then a weekend, then more nothing.

I called Kaiser and asked to be switched to another Primary Care Physician. It was a totally painless and quick procedure and within an hour my new doc's intake staff had reviewed my chart, called me up, and referred me for a biopsy.

This was my second mistake. When my doctor didn't get back to me within a day, I should have called up KP and raised hell, demanding an immediate surgical referral.

What I did do was call Kaiser Member Services and file a grievance. I made it very clear that when I visited my doctor, I had been very happy with the care I received, but that she and her staff were clearly totally overloaded and needed some kind of administrative intervention so that their patients didn't end up in limbo.

This is a privilege. I'm a native English speaker, and although I was worried about a serious illness, I didn't have any serious symptoms. I had the ability and the stamina to force action in the system, and my doing so meant that other patients, not so well situated as I was, would not be stuck where I had been, with fewer resources to get un-stuck.

The surgeon who did the biopsy was great. He removed my mass. It was a gross lump of yellowy-red gunk in formaldehyde. He even let me photograph it before it went to pathology (warning, gross):

https://www.flickr.com/photos/doctorow/54038418981/

They told me that the pathology would take 2-5 days. I reloaded the "test results" tab in the KP website religiously after 48 hours. Nothing was updated. After five days, I called the surgical department (I had been given a direct number to reach them in case of postsurgical infections, and made a careful note of it).

It turned out that the pathology report had been in hand for three days at that point, but it was "preliminary" pending some DNA testing. Still, it was enough that the surgeon referred me to an oncologist.

This was my third mistake: I should have called after 48 hours and asked whether the pathology report was in hand, and if not, whether they could check with pathology. However, I did something very right this time: I got a phone number to reach the specialist directly, rather than going through the Kaiser main number.

My oncologist appointment was very reassuring. The oncologist explained the kind of cancer I had ("follicular lymphoma"), the initial prognosis (very positive, though it was weird that it manifested on my rib, so far from a lymph node) and what needed to happen next (a CT/PET scan). He also walked me through the best, worst and medium-cases for treatment, based on different scan outcomes. This was really good, as it helped me think through how I would manage upcoming events – book tours, a book deadline, work travel, our family Christmas vacation plans – based on these possibilities.

The oncologist gave me a number for Kaiser Nuclear Medicine. I called them from the parking lot before leaving the Kaiser hospital and left a message for the scheduler to call me back. Then I drove home.

This was my fourth mistake. The Kaiser hospital in LA is the main hub for Kaiser Southern California, and the Nuclear Medicine department was right there. I could have walked over and made an appointment in person.

Instead, I left messages daily for the next five days, waited a weekend, then called up my oncologist's staff and asked them to intervene. I also called Kaiser Member Services and filed an "urgent grievance" (just what it sounds like) and followed up by filing a complaint with the California Patient Advocate:

https://www.dmhc.ca.gov/

In both the complaint and the grievance, I made sure to note that the outgoing message at Nuclear Medicine scheduling was giving out false information (it said, "Sorry, all lines are busy," even at 2am!). Again, I was really careful to say that the action I was hoping for was both a prompt appointment for me (my oncologist had been very insistent upon this) but also that this was a very broken system that would be letting down every patient, not me, and it should be fixed.

Within a couple hours, I had a call back from KP grievances department, and an hour after that, I had an appointment for my scan. Unfortunately, that was three weeks away (so much for my oncologist's "immediate" order).

I had the scan last week, on Hallowe'en. It was really cool. The gadget was awesome, and the rad-techs were really experienced and glad to geek out with me about the way the scanner and the radioactive glucose they infused in me interacted. They even let me take pictures of the scan visualizations:

https://www.flickr.com/photos/doctorow/54108481109/

The radiology report was incredibly efficient. Within a matter of hours, I was poring over it. I had an appointment to see the doc on November 5, but I had been reading up on the scans and I was pretty sure the news was good ("No enlarged or FDG avid lymph nodes are noted within the neck, chest, abdomen, or pelvis. No findings of FDG avid splenic or bone marrow involvement").

There was just one area of concern: "Moderate FDG uptake associated with a round 1.3 cm left inguinal lymph node." The radiologist advised the oncologist to "consider correlation with tissue sampling."

Today was my oncology appointment. For entirely separate reasons, I was unable to travel to the hospital today: I wrenched my back over the weekend and yesterday morning, it was so bad that I couldn't even scratch my nose without triggering unbearable spams. After spending all day yesterday in the ER (after being lifted out of my house on a stretcher), getting MRIs and pain meds, I'm much better off, though still unable to get out of bed for more than a few minutes at a time.

So this morning at 8:30 sharp, I started calling the oncology department and appointment services to get that appointment changed over to a virtual visit. While I spent an hour trying various non-working phone numbers and unsuccessfully trying to get Kaiser appointment services to reach my oncologist, I tried to message him through the KP app. It turns out that because he is a visiting fellow and not staff, this wasn't possible.

I eventually got through to the oncology department and had the appointment switched over. The oncology nurse told me that they've been trying for months to get KP to fix the bug where fellows can't be messaged by patients. So as soon as I got off the phone with her, I called member services and filed another grievance. Why bother, if I'd gotten what I needed? Same logic as before: if you have the stamina and skills to demand a fix to a broken system, you have a duty to use them.

I got off the phone with my oncologist about an hour ago. It went fine. I'm going to get a needle biopsy on that one suss node. If it comes back positive, I'll get a few very local, very low-powered radiation therapy interventions, whose worst side effect will be "a mild sunburn over a very small area." If it's negative, we're done, but I'll get quarterly CT/PET scans to be on the safe side.

Before I got off the phone, I made sure to get the name of the department where the needle biopsy would be performed and a phone number. The order for the biopsy just posted to my health record, and now I'm redialing the department to book in that appointment (I'm not waiting around for them to call me).

While I redial, a few more lessons from my experience. First, who do you tell? I told my wife and my parents, because I didn't want to go through a multi-week period of serious anxiety all on my own. Here, too, I made a mistake: I neglected to ask them not to tell anyone else. The word spread a little before I put a lid on things. I wanted to keep the circle of people who knew this was going on small, until I knew what was what. There's no point in worrying other people, of course, and my own worry wasn't going to be helped by having to repeat, "Well, it looks pretty good, but we won't know until I've had a scan/my appointment/etc."

Next, how to manage the process: this is a complex, multi-stage process. It began with a physician appointment, then a radiologist, then a pathology report, then surgery, then another pathology report, then an oncologist, then a scan, then another radiologist, and finally, the oncologist again.

That's a lot of path-dependent, interdepartmental stuff, with a lot of ways that things can fall off the rails (when my dad had cancer at my age, there was a big gap in care when one hospital lost a fax from another hospital department and my folks assumed that if they hadn't heard back, everything was fine).

So I have been making extensive use of a suspense file, where I record what I'm waiting for, who is supposed to provide it, and when it is due. Though I had several places where my care continuity crumbled some, there would have been far more if I hadn't done this:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/10/26/one-weird-trick/#todo

The title of this piece is "how to have cancer," but what it really boils down to is, "things I learned from my own cancer." As I've noted, I'm playing this one on the easiest setting: I have no symptoms, I speak and write English fluently, I am computer literate and reasonably capable of parsing medical/technical jargon. I have excellent insurance.

If any of these advantages hadn't been there, things would have been a lot harder. I'd have needed these lessons even more.

To recap them:

See a frontline care worker as soon as possible: don't wait for an appointment with a specific MD. Practically any health worker can prod a lump and refer you for further testing;

Get a direct phone number for every specialist you are referred to (add this to your phone book); call them immediately after the referral to get scheduled (better yet, walk over to their offices and schedule the appointment in person);

Get a timeframe as to when your results are due and when you can expect to get a follow-up; call the direct number as soon as the due-date comes (use calendar reminders for this);

If you can't get a call back, an appointment, or a test result in a reasonable amount of time (use a suspense file to track this), lodge a formal complaint with your insurer/facility, and consider filing with the state regulator;

Think hard about who you're going to tell, and when, and talk over your own wishes about who they can tell, and when.

As you might imagine, I've spent some time talking to my parents today as these welcome results have come in. My mother is (mostly) retired now, and she's doing a lot of volunteer work on end-of-life care. She recommends a book called Hope for the Best, Plan for the Rest: 7 Keys for Navigating a Life-Changing Diagnosis:

https://pagetwo.com/book/hope-for-the-best-plan-for-the-rest/

I haven't read it, but it looks like it's got excellent advice, especially for people who lack the self-advocacy capabilities and circumstances I'm privileged with. According to my mom, who uses it in workshops, there's a lot of emphasis on the role that families and friends can play in helping someone whose physical, mental and/or emotional health are compromised.

So, that's it. I've got cancer. No cancer is good. This cancer is better than most. I am almost certainly fine. Every medical professional I've dealt with, and all the administrative support staff at Kaiser, have been excellent. Even the doc who dropped the ball on my biopsy was really good to deal with – she was just clearly drowning in work. The problems I had are with the system, not the people. I'm profoundly grateful to all of them for the help they gave me, the interest and compassion they showed, and the clarity and respect they demonstrated in my dealings with them.

I'm also very grateful to my wife, my parents, and my boss at EFF, all of whom got the news early and demonstrated patience, love, and support that helped in my own dark hours over the past couple of months.

I hope you're well. But you know, everyone gets something, eventually. When you find yourself mired in a broken system full of good people, work the system – for yourself and for the people who come behind you. Take records. Make calls.

Look after yourself.

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/11/05/carcinoma-angels/#squeaky-nail

[monimccoythings]

Double Trouble

I'm just saying that Wolverines have litters of two-three cubs or so I've heard. This poor man wasn't ready. While I work on my other wips I'll release this short drabble to the world.

tags: slight ooc!Logan (he freaks out a bit), pregnancy fic, f!reader, happy ending.

Twins.

The word repeated itself over and over in his head like a broken record.

You were having twins.

He stared at the screen in utter silence, looking like a fucking idiot. Twins. Two whole ass babies. Two more new additions to the family. He blinked quickly, several times, still not completely processing the news.

It all made sense now, why you looked bigger than the average pregnant woman, why he had heard more than two heartbeats and had rushed you towards the ER thinking that maybe there was something wrong with your hearts.

Fucking hell. He had already mentally prepared himself for one baby, how was he going to manage two?? He was barely an adequate father for Laura, how would he manage with two new babies?? What if he wasn't good enough? What if he was a terrible father? What if they hated him? Whay if YOU hated him? He wouldn't be able to live with that.

He felt a soft hand on his shoulder, someone was calling his name, but the voice looked so far away and drowned by the constant ringing in his ears. The hand shaked his shoulder and he looked up at your face. So pretty, so sweet, his little wife.

She looks concerned.

No.

He doesn't want you concerned. It's not good for the babies. You don't deserve this. You don't deserve to be dragged into his pity party. You were too good for him.

"Logan, it's is going to be okay, alright? I'm here." Your mouth was forming words, but he could barely comprehend them. Had you always smelled so sweet? So enciting? The light from the fluorescent tube was enveloping you like a halo.

Your hand moved from his broad shoulder to his cheek, he found himself leaning into it. He always found confort in your touch, so soft and warm.

"Babe, I know you're scared." He opened his mouht to argue. "No, listen. I know this was unexpected, fuck I'm freaking out myself; we didn't plan for this Logan. But we will pull through together, like always." You gave him your sweetest smile, despite being terrified yourself. He could smell it on you.

Logan gave you a lopsided smile, or at least he tried to. His large hand covered yours. For a couple of seconds it was the two, no, four of you, all alone against the world.

He had always thought of himself as undeserving of love, happy endings weren't made for him. He either outlived them or drove them away. But now, now he had a chance. He could grow as old as he could with you, raise your kids in peace. No one would go after you, no threat against mutantkind would rip you away.

Two, three, four babies, who cared? As terrifying as that sounded he had been given this gift and he got to share it with you. He would manage, you would manage, as you two always did.

His breaths became steadier, much more calm than they had been moments before. Logan's eyes went downwards, to your belly, which was the current home of your future kids. Just the thought of watching them grow and develop filled him with a warm feeling barely known to him.

He didn't know why, but he was sure everything would be alright.

[magniloquent-raven]

"Oh, good, you are alive." Eddie says as soon as Tommy opens his front door. He pushes his way into the house without waiting for a response, and leaves Tommy blinking at empty space.

"...Sure, come on in," he mutters.

"Would it kill you to answer your phone some time?" Eddie's standing in the living room, hands on his hips, looking at Tommy like he's expecting something.

And Tommy's still lingering in his own doorway, suddenly very aware of how ripe his PJs have gotten. "It's my day off." It's a lame excuse and he knows it. He turns away to shut the door so he won't have to look Eddie in the eye.

"It's been, like, three weeks, man."

Tommy sighs quietly. "Yeah, look, it's just..."

"Is this the part where you tell me you both love me equally and it isn't my fault mommy and daddy are getting divorced." He's being flippant, but there's anger there. Tension in his voice. Tommy's not sure if it's on his own behalf or Evan's. Either would be fair, probably.

No. No, it isn't. It's not fair. He doesn't get to storm in here and judge Tommy's life choices. It's not like he's happy with himself about this, he didn't want to break things off. It just. Didn't work out.

"We don't, Eddie."

"What?"

Tommy folds his arms across his chest. "Love you equally. He needs you more than I do."

"What happened to me being allowed to have more than one friend?"

You know what happened, Tommy wants to snap, wants to be the kind of person who gets so angry he breaks, bleeds the tension out. He wants to untangle the knot that's been tightening in his chest for weeks.

Instead he hunches his shoulders. "Nothing, you have plenty of friends. A whole station of them." Tommy bites the inside of his lip so hard he tastes iron, and his eyes fall shut for a moment while he collects himself. "I was trying to make things easier for you."

Eddie narrows his eyes. "Yeah, nothing easier than getting ghosted. In fact, I love it when people I care about suddenly stop talking to me."

"You know what I meant. You have to take his side."

"Oh, I am. Breaking up with him like that was stupid, and he's really hurt."

Tommy barely contains his wince.

"But you were my friend before you were his boyfriend." Eddie's expression shifts, not quite softening. "I'm not here to defend Buck's honour, I'm here because my friend isn't making good choices and I'm worried about him."

He cried that night three weeks ago. Held off until he'd made it home and then bawled like a child, curled up in the dark and not bothering to wipe the snot from his nose. He hasn't cried since. Not when he found one of Evan's sweaters shoved between the cushions on his couch. Not when a date night reminder he forgot to delete from his phone dinged three days ago. Every time he wakes up to nothing but empty lock-screen he feels a little more hollow thinking about all the texts he used to get in the middle of the night.

But he hasn't been crying about it. Until now.

He's not sure what it is exactly. Something about Eddie refusing to let Tommy stonewall him. Something about all the things he's gone through alone never mattering to anyone. Not enough to warrant more than courtesy comfort.

"Woah, hey, was it something I said?"

Tommy shakes his head, and wipes his cheek with the heel of his hand. "It's been a weird few weeks."

It has, is the thing. He used to be good at being alone. But six months of borrowed time was enough for him to be in a lot deeper than he thought. He doesn't just miss Evan he misses being invited to his family dinners, and hearing about life with the 118.

"How 'bout I drink your beer while you tell me about it."

"...Okay."

[beautifullilacsky]

Babygirl. We have come so far.

Today, your thoughts turned around to the past. They shook hands with the way we used to treat ourselves. It started off on a note I'd never expect it to start off of, though; look at that picture of me, the one in the natural pool in Madeira. The first time I looked at it, I was truly surprised and shooketh. "Damn, I look thin", as to which niklas said that that's how I always look, I am, in fact, thin. I didn't count, but I think I asked him at least 3 times. "Do I truly look like this?" He did say that the angle might be making me look extra thin, but yes. Suddenly, it all clicked. How to him, I can seem so fragile. So fragile that he'd always let me walk first on hikes to make sure the pace is okay, always carrying the backpack himself. The way he is scared of hurting me, like, physically. The picture looks like a tiny, thin, and fragile girl. Yeah tbh, she also doesn't look particularly strong. You can see her collarbones. Her ribs. Her shoulders. Tbh, she also looks a bit like a petshop. I do think the gopro did something with the angle there, u can't tell me my head is out of proportion to my tiny body, lol. My point is. Today, I was doubting whether or not I should eat those cookies. After thinking if it'd make me thick, I remembered. I am v thin, more weight wouldn't be so bad.

I never expected to truly feel skinny. Or well, 'too skinny', at least. To think I could gain some weight; it wouldn't be a problem. That is very new to me. After 25 years. Some of those years being spend hating my body and my belly and feeling overweight, even if my teacher even told me that being underweight is dangerous, her eyes seemingly insinuating the obvious.

Yet here I am. This one picture. And tbh, the other pics or videos of this vacation, don't have the same vibe. So I do think it's the angle. And maybe a bit of a fishbowl effect. Either way. It got me thinking. And suddenly I was thinking of it again: boobs. I am also reading 'the 7 husband's of Evelyn Hugo', who seduced men with her big boobs. Somehow, booby enlargement came to my mind again. Why? It's been so long. I have learned to love my boobs, yet this blast of the past came into my head. Actually,.. it is just a thought. It is actually nice. A reminder of where we came from.

How I hated my body in the past. And here I am. Loving every single part of it. Frankly, I love my boobs the way they are. Sure, they might not be super big, but I don't need to hold them when I run or sprint down the stairs. Sure, they are soft in the middle instead of pointy, but I think it's fascinating how certain temperatures, moods and touches can change that. Sure, they don't touch, but at least it also won't create a hot brew in there or trap my clothes inbetween or underneath my boobs. Honestly, they are truly perfect. (Even the little pimple on there right now. Even though I am a bit scared; is it truly a pimple? It should be, it behaves like one for sure.) I can cup one into my hand; it is a perfect fit. As if they were made to be held so gently and smoothly. So filled with love. So, ... true. My hand can touch all of its beautiful creases. They don't overflow my hands, nor do I need to search to find them. Sure, some might have bigger boobs, but not everyone likes that. Some people get attention just because of it. I am truly happy to be able to say that a lot of people just like me for my personality. The looks are for sure also there, but at least my boobs don't get eye-fucked or objectified. I am myself. Perfect the way I am. And I am grateful to be this exact way. I think my boobs are adorable, they are cute, and truly. Truly beautiful. Thanks boobs, for being w me always. And I'm sorry that I didn't see the beauty of you guys for a part of my life. I am happy that I do now, since a while. Love u, boobies. Lol.

Anyhow. I wish to send myself love letters. See this is a loveletter to one of the bodyparts which I was insecure about in the past. Let me show them some true love, which is exactly what they deserve.

[optimisticmosquito]

What if Shen Yuan was transmigrated into Shang Yuan, youngest son in the merchant Shang family and Shang Qinghua's little brother.

At first Shang Qinghua doesn't put much thought into it. He never did write much of a backstory for the other peak lords, so it makes sense the world has kind of just, written itself? Shang Yuan is several years younger anyways (I'm thinking 7-10 years) so it's not like he has a lot in common with him either. Shang Qinghua even joined CQM when he was barely out of toddlerhood. Shang Qinghua was fully prepared to just slowly fade out of sight and mind in his new family, just like he had in his old one.

Except this kid just really hates his guts? He gets letters regularly from his family, telling him how a-Yuan has been asking about him. But every time he visits the brat just shouts and kicks him around. All out of sight of their parents so he can't even go and complain to them! In their eyes Shang Yuan is their perfect little angel.

Honestly, Shang Qinghua isn't even that surprised the original goods turned into a villain if this was how he grew up. And oops, did he say that out loud? Shang Qinghua peeks down at the rigid brat he's holding under his arm in an attempt to stop him from trying to beat him up. With big eyes the kid turns his head up and whispers "you're a transmigrator too?".

From that day on Shang Qinghua can't help but feel a little bit less lonely, and maybe even a little happy. Who would have thought his number 1 anti fan would transmigrate into his didi! They start writing letters, both complaining about the system, and Shang Qinghua about the sect and his martial siblings. When he starts working for Mobei-jun he tells Shang Yuan everything about it. He even has a reason to go back and visit his family!

Shang Qinhua quickly accepts his responsibility as gege. Helping (or trying to) his little didi grow up to a nice young man and giving tips when Shang Yuan starts cultivating as well. And despite Yuan-di's tsundere behavior, Shang Qinghua knows he has his back as well.

In his own badly written stallion novel, Shang Qinghua finally finds the family he didn't have in the real world.

Now as for pairings. Bingyuan would be hilarious just because I want Shang Qinghua to ask, with a shit eating grin, how long Shang Yuan has been coveting his own nephew. And then for Shang Yuan to try and beat the shit out of him for it.

Jiuyuan would also be an interesting pairing (it can always be a jiuyuan if you're brave enough). Shang Qinghua knows his scum villain is misunderstood and not as bad as the book and rumors portrays him to be. But also he knows Shen Jiu is at least a dozen traumas in a trenchcoat. Does it really have to be his didi helping Shen Jiu deal with all of that? Sure Shang Yuan doesn't seem to mind, but Shang Qinghua also knows his didi makes some really stupid choices if you take your eyes off him. But also he's too much of a coward to say anything to Shen Jiu's face.

Hm, better to keep an eye on that from a distance.

[error-dream-was-found]

I just saw your idea about Quackity sucking at torture and I am SO intrigued 👀 Please do tell

(Also I absolutely love love love your writing <3)

Hiii, thank you for asking :)

And I'm happy to hear that you enjoy my writing <3

It's been a while since I came up with that idea and I can't seem to find my notes on it (I found like 15 other half forgotten AUs instead oops) but I'm pretty sure it came from some discussion with Flora.

The basic idea is that everything happens just as it does in canon and Quackity goes to torture Dream. This is where things get sketchy because as I said, this is a 100 % crack idea so ... what if Quackity just somehow managed to fuck up every single torture attempt?

I really wish I could find my notes on this because I know I had some specific ideas written down but let's go with what I remember. During the first visit I think he might've just underestimated Dream who in spite of being in the prison for a while now was still able to dodge Quackity and maybe even disarm him or something just it ends up with Sam having to interfere.

But it's okay! Quackity's got it! It was just a ... a minor inconvenience, nothing more. But ... things are just not working out during his second visit either, nor during the third one or the fourth one.

Dream is totally not giving fuck about what Quackity wants and for the sake of crack Quackity just miserably fails in all his attempts to torture Dream in the most ridiculous ways possible.

Like, he will get his axe stuck in the obsidian and can't pull it out, he drops a harming potion and hits himself instead of Dream, he sets himself on fire on accident (that lava wall had no business being over there!), he fails to realize that Dream is actually good in strategic games and his plan to hurt Dream for losing a game fails when the game drags on for way too long (bonus points if he loses somehow). Just some very weird (and hopefully somewhat funny) stuff happens.

Some time he doesn't even get to try his hand at torture because he gets carried away with wedding preparation and all (just imagine him forcing Dream help with choosing the decorations or something lol)

After his fight with Karl Dream is forced to be the therapist (he has no escape while Quackity cries about the state of his relationship), least to say Dream is very confused why Quackity thought he is the right person to ask about the relationship problems (srsly Q have you seen the state of his relationships???)

At this point Dream himself might try to give him tips, look he is not a fan of getting tortured but this is just sad, okay?

Perhaps he will manage to actually hurt Dream at some point but by then I think he would be too used to failing that it actually freaks him out more than it freaks out Dream himself. Least to say the rest of the "session" was spend fretting over Dream because god man you're bleeding! Dream is just there like ... isn't this what you wanted? And well yeah but also no! (Q has some very mixed feelings)

Overall though I think Q would maim himself in that cell more than he ever did to Dream. On accident of course. I never figured out the logistics of this one but it'd be hella funny if Q somehow managed to idk cut of his own finger or something of the sort which would just end up with him freaking out and Dream having to try to calm him down while also calling for Sam to bring a healing potion

I know that it's supper cannon inaccurate but it's really just a crack idea without any real plot behind it 😅

[cometconmain]

Also even if he hadn't explicitly stated these things:

Besides: Most fascists with half a brain cell (unlike Trump) don't say what they're after until they have enough control to enact it. That's what makes them so fucking dangerous. They'll say literally anything else and work you up to agreeing with them by finding things you are more likely to accept and then slowly turning up the intensity, allowing you to acclimatise each time to the new 'normal' they're conditioning you to blindly accept. Insert frogs in boiling water analogy here.

If you haven't learned that by now (either from Jewish people themselves who I'm pretty sure were the first to identify and teach about this considering how specifically and horrifically it happened to them so they know this societal phenomenon inside and out) then what the fuck have you been doing every time someone taught you about the Holocaust? About passive participation? About the frogs in boiling water I mentioned? About the steady radicalisation of otherwise 'normal' people who were so certain they could never become the monster, they accelerated into it because they were too busy beating their own drum insisting they never could to realise they literally were having happy lunch time with their work friends, and then going back to their jobs at fucking Auschwitz??

Everyone is capable of fascism. You have to always try to develop a better ability to identify the signs in yourself and others, and work to combat it.

On my part, I actually hadn't stopped to think about the true meaning of why so many Americans voted for Trump. I knew he'd get in simply based on idiots refusing to vote blue or at all. I wasn't expecting such a huge acceptance where he didn't even need the electoral vote and hadn't put two and two together until now. It does make sense though, thinking about it, with how much both right and left wing people have been hurtling toward and nurturing fascist beliefs for years now. That's so fucked up. And now I'm worried about my country because we're getting symptoms of it here too. We're just not as far along yet I think. Doesn't mean we won't get there though. I already have my neighbour refusing to see the antisemitic attacks and rhetoric in general ramping up here I once would have felt sure were really fucking blatantly obvious even without being taught subtler things we otherwise miss/don't know about as goyim(? Let me know if that's not the right word).

Goyim love to say things like, “How did people let the Holocaust happen?” And there are a lot of possible answers to that question. Some believe that the average citizen of the Nazi Empire simply didn’t know about the camps. Others say that the average citizen opposed the regime, but they were deterred by their government or the fear of being killed. And some believe that it was some kind of perfect storm or one-time-glitch, that those people from that place just happened to be uniquely predisposed to evil, and that it can never happen again.

This is almost always accompanied by some variation on the phrase, “If I had been there, I wouldn’t have.”

Not even a hundred years later, Jews across the world are being targeted for destruction by both White Supremacists and Jihadist Islamists. Both weaponize the same ideologies and tactics that the Nazis used, and both happily embrace the Nazi legacy. Both are emboldened, not disgusted, by the nearly unprecedented increase in antisemitic hate crimes. They are openly calling for our death in our streets and our subways and our political offices.

And yes, in some countries, they are met with opposition by the average citizen. In some countries, decent and caring and inclusive people stand up for us. And in some countries, they win. But not all the time. When they lose, you have to reconcile with the truth:

The Holocaust didn’t happen because the average person in Eastern Europe failed to stop the Nazis. The Holocaust happened because the average person in Eastern Europe was a Nazi. And if the average person is a Nazi in any other nation, at any other time, it will happen again.

[abbysimsfun]

Sims In Bloom: Generation 2 Pt. 85 (Searching for Rafa Bonilla)

cw: mentions underage trafficking, drug smuggling

Conrad looked for Rafa Bonilla between his regular cases at the precinct, following clues and booking suspects to keep his captain satisfied. A few months into his search he finally located one of Rafa's known associates, according to police reports.

He called Heather, tapping his fingers against the desk. "Hey, you've reached Heather's phone. It's either the middle of the night or I'm with a patient, so leave a message and I'll call you back."

"Hey, it's me. I was hoping to talk to you, but I've got to work a little late tonight. I'll make it up to you. I'm sorry. I love you."

He drove outside Brindleton Bay to greet the man who thought he had everyone fooled with his chess mentorship program. It would be less than thirty minutes before his students - mostly children - started showing up for their scheduled lesson in the park, so Conrad knew he had to work fast. He shuddered as he got closer to him, and not just because it was freezing outside.

"Jimmy Stefano," he said, dropping his voice an octave to sound serious.

"Not lately," mused the man with a laugh. "Who's asking?" He turned to face the voice who knew his old identity. "You? They said you were a cop now. No surprise they never let you work our cases."

Conrad knew they had no time for small talk and he whipped out his cuffs. "You're under arrest for aiding and abetting a known fugitive."

"You can't be serious! Who?"

"Rafael Bonilla."

Jimmy's face went white, but he stopped resisting. As Conrad cuffed him, he asked, "Are you taking me in to help San Myshuno PD, or did she call you?"

Conrad scoffed. "She who?"

Jimmy laughed. "She told both of us sweet nothings, old friend. You were just dumb enough to believe them."

"Shut up and get in the cruiser."

Back at the station, Jimmy looked around the interrogation room in his orange jumpsuit once Conrad booked him. "Aren't you going to need the cameras on to record your attempt at my confession?"

"I want you to speak freely, Stefano. Tell me everything you know."

Jimmy eyed him suspiciously. "You're not working with San Myshuno PD at all, are you."

"I didn't stage an elaborate arrest just to scare you. I still plan to file a report after you and I catch up. Just talk."

"She really did get to you. Are you trying to let her ruin your life again?"

"Where the hell is Rafa?"

"I don't know. I haven't seen him in two years, when the last job we did together went bad. I assumed his sister told him to run since the charges he's facing are so serious."

"She doesn't know where he is."

"I'm sure she told you that. Did she tell you she was done with Los Tigres, too?"

Conrad flinched, and Jimmy raised an eyebrow.

"I'm happy with my chess students, but I can't get out now. When you walked, I should've joined you, but I didn't have your father's connections at the police station to keep me out of jail."

"I wasn't even there that night, but you gave them my name."

"Yeah, I did, because you walked before you even got started. Los Tigres only let you live because you became a cop and they didn't need the heat. I don't know what she told you, but if you think Ximena's turned over a new leaf and is done smuggling for the cartel, you're an idiot. She just uses new aliases these days."

Conrad breathed in through his nose. "If I turn the cameras on, will you avoid mentioning our history while you tell me what Ximena's still doing with the cartel?"

"What's in it for me, Sargent?"

"If it comes to it and you're telling the truth, I only want Ximena. As long as Los Tigres doesn't get caught up in anything at the Brindleton docks, I've got no reason to open up a window to the past. You should think about moving on, too. Turn that chess mentorship program into more than just a front."

Jimmy rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Some of us are lifers, you know."

Conrad hit record while Jimmy told him everything he knew about Ximena's past - how she escaped being trafficked in her teens by offering to run drugs for Los Tigres de Selva, working her way up to running an entire operation moving drugs from Selvadorada to San Myshuno, through Britechester, and back again. Her associates called her The Chameleon because of how often she changed her hair.

She'd been arrested but never did hard time, with those who worked under her often taking the fall, instead - like Jimmy Stefano. Twice. Ximena kept herself just clean enough to avoid prison, and dragged her brother into the same life. "Rafa and I used to pose as Simlandian military to run product for his sister, but he never got caught for that," Jimmy said.

"When was the last time you worked for her?"

"Four months ago."

Conrad led him through several questions, showing copies of Ximena's old police reports. When they'd finished, he released Jimmy Stefano. It didn't satisfy him to send a known smuggler back to the streets, but he'd gained some incriminating evidence against Ximena, at the very least. He was beginning to think he might need it, eventually.

He headed home in darkness, and his mind raced with possibilities. Could Ximena's activities have led directly to her brother's disappearance? Who were her enemies these days?

He tried to call her, against his better judgment, but she didn't pick up her phone. He hung up before the voicemail kicked in.

When he walked in the door, he found six-year-old Ash on the floor, working on a castle diorama for extra credit at school. He knelt down to help him without even changing out of his work clothes. "Can you help me with the small pieces? Mommy won't let me use better scissors, but my kid scissors barely cut anything!"

He grinned. Grateful for the distraction, Conrad pulled out an instruction booklet tucked under the edge of the box. "Of course. What did you need me to cut?"

"Just these windows," he said. "They're too small. And can you measure to make sure my towers are big enough? I want the biggest towers of the whole class! Like the Spire Tower!"

"Tallest towers, can do. Hey, did you want to use this lump of clay for anything?" (Finally, the clay comes out at a sensible moment!!)

"Yeah! Moat mud! And we could use real water!"

"Your mom won't be very happy if we make real mud in the house, buddy."

Heather walked into the room then, kneeling down next to them to play with Gord. "Please don't make real mud. Why don't you use the clay to mould a base for the castle?"

"Good idea, Mommy! Can we have pancakes for dinner tomorrow night? I've been thinking about pancakes all day!"

"I can make you pancakes for dinner, but your mom and I won't be here to eat them with you," said Conrad. "Tomorrow night, I'm taking your mom on a date."

"What's a date?"

"It's when people who like each other hang out," Heather said.

Ash's eyes grew wide. "Is there kissing?"

Conrad grinned. "There might be. What do you know about kissing?"

He paused. "Nothing, I guess. Scotti Holiday says it's like eating faces, but why would people who like each other eat their faces?"

Heather laughed. "Don't worry, Conrad's not going to eat my face. Are you almost finished with your diorama for the night? It's getting late and you should get to bed soon."

"Just a little while longer, Mommy. Please! I'm not tired and I'm almost done!"

When he and Conrad had finished, they displayed the excellent diorama on a kitchen countertop until Ash could take it to school in the morning. Before he went to bed, Conrad went upstairs to check on his sleeping baby girl.

Intuitive to his human's growing stress level, no matter how well he hid it from everyone else, Gord followed him. ->

<- Previous Chapter | Gen 2 Start | Gen 1 Summary | Gen 1 Start

[alittlebitofloveliness]

When I was younger I never felt like I was anyone’s favorite. My sister was my dad’s favorite, and my brother was my mother’s favorite. But then I got older, and me and my sister got closer. And I realize that now I’m her favorite, and that just makes my inner child so happy because I’m someone’s favorite for once.

And idk WHY but I think this could apply to the Curtis brothers.

Hi anon, I'm so sorry for the late reply, my life is hectic as hell right now.

I kind of relate to this, not that my parents have favourites so much, but me and my younger brothers are always and forever locked in a war to be our older brother's favourite.

I think in terms of Outsiders verse it's kind of implied that Ponyboy was the 'odd one out' in the Curtis family (Johnny mentions Darry acted like their mother but looked like their dad, and Soda looked like their mom but acted like their dad), HOWEVER, I think this might not have played out in the family dynamic as Soda and Darry being the favourites. I think Darry was their dad's favourite, and while I don't think Mr.Curtis would be blatant about it, I think the fact he and Darry were so close and Darry always wanted to be just like him would make it clear to Soda and Pony there was a bond there that they didn't/would never have with their father. And Pony was the baby. Moms often get really attached to their youngest kids because its their 'last chance' to see their kids so, well, everything. Last baby things, last first steps, last first day of school, etc. So I could see Mrs. Curtis' kind of falling prey to this mentality, and Pony being her favourite, especially since Pony is the youngest of the gang and would probably stay with her while Darry and maybe Soda got to do 'big kid stuff'.

But Soda? Sodapop Patrick Curtis? People pleaser extrodinaire? he's the quintessential middle child struggling with mental health issues and a learning disability in a time where neither of those were properly adressed. Sure, his parents loved him but he knew he wasn't either of their favourites, even if Mr and Mrs Curtis treated them all the same. So when PONYBOY starts following him around at age two? When he chooses to run to SODA after a nightmare instead of mom? When he gets a little older and tells soda about the kids who are being mean to him at school? Soda's heart is GONE. Pony stole it, because Pony CHOSE him. Soda is used to being Steve's favourite, but he is used to being overlooked by his own family, until Ponyboy comes along and makes it clear from day one that Soda is his hero, his unequivocal FAVOURITE? Yeah, Soda was done for. And when their parents died? The only reason Soda didn't sink into despair or turn to booze as a way to cope was because Pony still looked at him like a hero, maybe even more so than before, and Soda couldn't let him down. He couldn't do anything that might jeapordize Pony looking at him like that. Because Pony CHOSE him, and Soda couldn't handle a reality where he wasn't Pony's favourite anymore, because being Pony's favourite is half of what keeps him sane.

Thanks for the ask xx

[e-vay]

Evay QA Bulk Post 6

Here's another batch of questions.

Again, these do not include Domino or Phlox questions as I plan on addressing those in a separate post. Sorry for the delay on Phloxino questions, I just need to finish the final chapter of their story first.

Thank you all for reaching out ☺️

PERSONAL/MISC ASKS

toonfan91 asked: What is your favorite retro video game system, what would you say is your favorite retro game to play?

A: My favorite consoles would be the Super Nintendo, Gamecube, and the Gameboy Advance SP. Those are all so nostalgic for me and were integral to my childhood. I had the Sega Genesis as well but I didn't end up playing it nearly as much as the other 3. Top three of my favorite retro games would be Sonic 3 & Knuckles, Ms Pacman and Super Mario World.

Anon asked: omg! i wondered if cheese was just something you were super about in your teen years im so glad that cheese is still the #1 fave 🧀

A: Hahaha! Aww, you remembered that about me! Yes, I'm still a cheese fiend, forever and always!!!

Anon asked: Any writing tips and/or subversions on common tropes? - ✍🏻

A: I've said this before but I recommend really focusing on your character building. I personally believe if you can get the audience to care about your characters, the rest will work out. As far as subverting tropes, I'd just say don't default to what's easy. I remember writing a script in high school and it involved a "it was all a dream" ending and my teacher actually rolled his eyes at me and said "Don't do this to your audience. It's an easy out for you and a disservice to them" and that moment has stuck with me forever. So though I don't have exact advice for you, I'd just say keep your audience in mind. You want them to be happy that they read your story, not rolling their eyes. (You're a member of your audience too, so make sure you're happy with your story as well!)

Anon asked: Will your kid be named aroura?

A: Ever since I was a little girl, I always wanted to name my future daughter Aurora. Who knows if I'll ever have a kid and even if I do, I am not sure what their name will be. Aurora is definitely still one of my favorite names and I'd love to name my child that, but it will depend on what best fits that human :)

Anon asked: have you seen the until dawn remaster?? i know you did a drawing of that long ago!! have you ever drawn the actual characters? and also, how would you match the sonic characters to the until dawn characters? 😳?

A: I have seen the remaster but I haven't played it! It looks like such an improvement from what I've seen, and I honestly loved the original. I drew Ashley and Chris once, but for the life of me I can't find that file! It was so long ago, it probably wouldn't look any good now anyway haha. Hmm, it's a little hard matching Sonic characters to the Until Dawn characters without making them OOC. I guess if I had to pick, and with the caveat that this is a weird AU and characters are not 100% canon-accurate, I'd cast Amy as Sam (kind, gets along with everyone, doesn't like violence but can absolutely kick ass), Tails as Chris (because of his intelligence, his love for tech and his overall positive, good-natured spirit), Rouge as a mix of Jessica and Emily (covers the bases of intelligent, seductive, resourceful). I'm torn about casting Sonic as either Josh or Mike. Josh would of course be an unhinged version of Sonic which could be fun to explore but if you ignore the unhinged part, he still really suits Sonic as he is the core of the friend group and he is torn between fun-loving and masking his real emotions. Mike I feel like is a little more of the 'lead character' role that Sonic tends to fall into and his fear of commitment is pretty spot-on to our blue boy hahaha. Knuckles would be Matt because they're athletic and loyal. I'd probably choose Blaze for Ashley because of how polite and serious she can be, but I acknowledge it's not the best fit.

@bigklingy asked: Does your Lego Amy have a Sonic, like Duck Amy does? 

A: I don't own an official Sonic minifig yet. All I have is this cursed knockoff hahaha. One day she'll have a real Sonic for her to love.

-

MISC SONIC ASKS

Anon asked: What elements could the Sonic cast bend based on their unique traits?

A: Sonic would be air because he is the wind. Tails would be lightning due to his affiliation with technology. Knuckles would be earth, obvious reasons (though fire works too, especially if you take into consideration the flames of disaster haha). Amy would be fire, due to her passion and also if you read her fortune cards guide, she says her favorite of the elements in her deck is 'fire.'

Anon asked: Quick question, have you ever read the Archie comics? If so, what’s your opinion on scrouge?

A: I'm not a fan of either.

chrismantike asked: I’ve been seeing this debate a lot everywhere and I want your expert opinion on it. Since you do know about DBZ I was wondering if you think Sonic can actually beat Goku?

A: I'm always going to go with Sonic on this debate. He's defeated monsters, deities, A KILLER MOON?! He can defeat most enemies in his normal state but when he goes super, enemies don't stand a chance. Meanwhile how many times does Goku need to 'level up' his Super Saiyan form just to fight an enemy? (this is all in jest of course) Hedgehog wins.

Anon asked: do you like team chaotix? If so, who’s your favorite character??

A: Team Chaotix is not my favorite group haha. If I had to choose a favorite amongst them, it'd be Espio. I think he's funny even when he's not trying to be.

whiteghos asked: Can you summarize (if you can) what happened in TEIU by Kbspeeding? I wanted to know what happened before lil’ rory and Shadow got all dirty and beat up and what happened during that chapter. I really wanted to read it so if you can that’ll be great!?

A: I sincerely wish I could, but "The Evil In Us" was so long ago that I don't remember the details well, and KB deleted her account and all of the pages of her fic with it, so I haven't been able to reference it in ages. I'm sorry I couldn't be of more help.

Anon asked: How would you imagine Amy in her teen years? -✍🏻

A: I already picture Amy as we know her as a teenage Amy. Especially her in Sonic Boom, I think that's a teenage/young adult Amy.

-

MY OCs/AU ASKS

Anon asked: I have this question on my mind for awhile now, how did you make or come up with and Amy’s and Aurora’s clothes designs? They are amazing ☺️☺️

A: Well that's an incredibly kind thing for you to say! I honestly don't feel like I did that great of a job with Amy, I just put her in clothes I'd like to see her in haha. I wish I had put more thought into her outfit but I can always redesign in the future. With Aurora (and any of my OCs, really) I just experiment with things until I figure out what works. I try to first get into the mindset of the character and determine what fashion trend best suits their personality, and then I'll do research on that style and then try to come up with something based on that. Aurora's style is on the spectrum of "Eclectic" and "Fun" and "Funky" fashion trends, so her outfits are based on that. If you're curious, I have a whole Pinterest board dedicated to my AU and there are sections for the different characters' fashion!

Anon asked: Are you going to make more ship/fan children one day, or will you just stick with Tumble, Ruff, & Aurora??

A: Methinks you've forgotten the other 8 fankids I've made! But that's okay 😜 I love creating characters and I have no plans on stopping that any time soon. That could be OCs that aren't related to anyone, OCs that are the parents of characters we know, or fan children. I don't know what I'll be doing next, but there will definitely be more new characters in the future.

charlieangel345 asked: Hey, evay, What do you think Amy and Aurora’s favorite anime? I think Amy’s favorite anime is fruit basket and Aurora favorite anime is sailor moon.

A: I think you're absolutely right! :) I think Amy might also be a fan of Ranma 1/2 as well. I'm not all that current with anime so I can't make many more recommendations that suit them.

supersaiyaman85 asked: How do you think it would go down if CC ever met Cream or Zooey(Tail's crush from Sonic Boom)?

A: I have a script for a comic that involves CC and Cream interacting, I just have to get around to drawing it. As far as Tails' past crushes like Zooey, CC is very jealous so ... she wouldn't handle it well lol

twistedchaos101 asked: Does Aurora know her grandparents? How is the relationship with them?

A: At this time, Sonic does not know Phlox is his dad and Domino is deceased, so to their knowledge Aurora does not have grandparents on her dad's side. Aurora would know her Grandma Lulu and Grandpa Clay, but Amy is sort of estranged from them so they aren't a major part of her life. They're the kind of grandparents that send a ton of gifts on holidays and birthdays but only visit maybe once ever few years. She loves getting to see them though and they absolutely adore her!

abbysulf asked: Has there ever been a moment where Sonic went dark to save Aurora? Like, was she in so much danger that he would risk his mind and body to save her? And not from Shadow lol

A: In my AU's canon, there hasn't been any moments like that. I like to joke about Sonic turning dark any time he's even mildly upset, but I don't mean it seriously. And as Aurora was growing up, he kept Aurora so safe to the point it was almost smothering, so she wouldn't have ever been in any real danger. But if she were to ever have her life threatened, yes he would lose himself in order to protect her, without hesitation.

Anon asked: We all know Sonic and the gang for saving the world in their world and they have alot of fans but what about in your story? Are they famous and their fans are surprised when they heard that Sonic and Amy got together and had a child same with Rouge and Knuckles but they adopted instead?

A: Even in my AU, Team Sonic is famous. Not to the point where they're like celebrities and have paparazzi following them everywhere, but the average citizen knows who the members of Team Sonic are and some people do get kind of starstruck around them. As they all reach older adulthood, Sonic and Amy's lives get a little more calm and domestic so they are less in the spotlight compared to Tails who is the CEO of his own company and Knuckles who is running the Young Heroes program. Maybe the average person might be surprised that some of their heroes ended up getting married and having their own families, but again I don't picture Team Sonic's personal lives in tabloids regularly.

Anon asked: I actually wanna know how well Aurora takes shots (At the doctors)from a baby all the way up to a young adult

A: Aurora sure wouldn't like shots, but she's never necessarily been scared of getting them. If anything, I could see the DOCTOR being more afraid of giving her a shot. Imagine both Sonic and Amy giving the doctor the death glare with the unspoken threat of "You better get this done quick and if you cause any extra unnecessary pain, we will both end you." They've got a good routine down where Sonic distracts baby/toddler Aurora until the shot happens and then both he and Amy quickly smother her in hugs and kisses and praises so she is only upset for a brief moment.

*The next question is a Shadora Ask. Skip if you don’t like Shadora

Anon asked: Why does Sonic spy on Shadow and Aurora when they go on a date or when Aurora visits Shadow's house?

A: Sonic is an overprotective dad and he doesn't like the idea of Aurora dating anybody (even though she's a grownup). It doesn't matter who she was dating, he doesn't think anybody is good enough for his baby girl. He spies to make sure they're not getting into trouble (it's just for the sake of comedy, don't take it too seriously).

*The next question is a Shadora Ask. Skip if you don’t like Shadora

djanims asked: maybe weird question but has aurora ever seen shadow in his super form and if not what was her reaction?

A: She has! I've drawn them together in their super forms before :) She thinks he's an angel

*The next question is a Shadora Ask. Skip if you don’t like Shadora

Anon asked: Has Shadow told Aurora about who Maria was in your continuity?

A: Absolutely. Maria played a very important role in his life, so of course he'd talk about her. The grief will always be there but with time and by becoming more comfortable opening up to Aurora, he finds it easier to reminisce on the good times he had with his sister.

*The next question is a Shadora Ask. Skip if you don’t like Shadora

Anon asked: How did Sonic and Amy react to Aurora and Shadow having 8 children like I just imagine *first born* "Oh my goodness congratulations!" second born still happy. At the 8th their like "Wow... Rory that's um great... Lots of grandkids.." So yes that's how I imagine it going but how about you, this question has really taken over my mind. 🤣❤️❤️

A: Hehehe, 8 grandchildren is definitely a lot. BUT! I headcanon that Mobians are a bit more like animals than humans are, so the idea of 'litters' isn't totally foreign (though maybe not as common in modern day Mobius). In my AU, Shadow and Aurora have three litters (so far, hehehe) so it went 3 kids, 2 kids, 3 kids, so they weren't exactly expecting to end up with 8 children, but they're happy all the same. I think Amy would be over the moon no matter what. Sonic would love all his grandkids and be excited about all of them, but also I'm sure he'd be secretly laughing it up at how chaotic the Shadora Home must be at all times and he's just glad that he and Amy had it super easy raising their only child. Plus I could see among friends and family there's an ongoing joke of "So... Aurora, Shadow.... How many next time?"

-

SHIPPING ASKS

kkrucy asked: What your opinion on other ships then sonamy?

A: There are plenty of ships that I like and there are plenty that are not for me. I don't like to announce the ships I don't like, there's no good in doing that. Some that I like include (but are not limited to) KnucklesXRouge, Shadamy, Sonadow, SonAmyShad, MetAmy, VectorXEspio, KnucklesXAriem, RougeXTopaz, WhisperXTangle, Dr.RobotnikXAgentStone (from the movies), SilverXBlaze, I even like BlazeXRouge if I'm being honest (You can blame TMOSTH for that!)

scaredforcewielder asked: I know it's a bit early, but would you consider doing Sonic and Amy's first Christmas as a couple?

A: I know I did it off-season, but I already made a several Sonamy comics for Christmas this year. I always want to draw more Sonamy and I would love to draw their first Christmas as a couple, but honestly I don't know that I'll have the time to do that this year. I hope those mistletoe comics helped to tide you over!

dean-alice-rose asked: What is your favorite sonmy moment? And it can be in your comics or official. Also what is your favorite comic that you made?

A: Gosh, it's really difficult to pick a single favorite Sonamy moment! If I had to narrow it down to just a few... One would definitely be episode 52 of Sonic X where Sonic returns to their planet and he and Amy have that heart to heart. I can't tell you how many times I've watched that scene, I found it to be the epitome of romance even as a kid! A small moment that actually meant a huge deal to me was in The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog, where Sonic calls Amy "radiant." It's just one line, but wow, what a magnificent compliment! That's way more powerful than simply calling someone 'pretty' or 'great' in my opinion. I have too many favorites, I could go on forever haha! I don't really have a favorite comic that I made, they all mean a lot to me. "My Gal" is maybe what I'm most known for and that's great because it was so personal and I poured SO MUCH of my heart into it. But I have fond memories of every single comic I've made and each one has helped better my writing and drawing, so they're all special to me no matter how silly or serious they are.

Anon asked: In the future, would there be a chance to see CC and Tails again? I always adored CC and loved her design, plus her relationship with Tails. I was just curious as to if you had any future plans for them?

A: Definitely! I have plenty of ideas for them, I just need to dedicate the time to drawing it out. I'm so happy you enjoy that pair so much!

Anon asked: What are your thoughts on Metamy? (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)

A: I ship it! It's not at the top of my list but I still think it's super cute and no matter what, I've always had the headcanon that Metal has feelings for Amy (he's meant to be like Sonic, after all, so if I believe Sonic likes Amy then surely Metal would, too!)

Anon asked: Do you ever compare video game couples to each other? - ✍🏻?

A: Of course, it'd be impossible not to. Personally I relate Sonamy to NathanDrakeXElenaFisher (Uncharted) the most out of all video game couples. Both pairs have an undying love for adventure and enjoy traveling the world. Elena/Amy are definitely more cautious and careful than Nathan/Sonic who're a little more gung-ho, but in the end they make a great team and can keep up with one another.

whiteghos asked: What is Sonamy’s love language? >v< <3

A: I always say that Amy is the physical embodiment of love, and because of that I think ALL the love languages suit her! She expresses her love in every way possible and I'm sure she'd be happy to receive it in any way Sonic is willing to give it 🥰 It makes sense to me that Sonic's would be Quality Time and Acts of Service. Sonic always loves to do his own thing, so whenever he's willing to spend his time with Amy (whether it's grabbing dinner with her or even if it's just sitting in a pile of hay with her), I think that says a LOT. I don't think Acts of Service requires explanation.

*The next question is a Shadora Ask. Skip if you don’t like Shadora

whiteghos asked: What is Shadora’s love language? >v< <3

A: This is hard to narrow down and I feel like love languages fluctuate. For now, I'd say they both share the love language of Physical Touch. Individually, Aurora leans more towards Words of Affirmation and Shadow is Acts of Service.

*The next question is a Shadora Ask. Skip if you don’t like Shadora

Anon asked: Are you gonna make a full comic on Shadow and Aurora first date like you did with Sonic and Amy?

A: I'm not 100% sure if it will become a comic. I definitely have a fic in mind, and maybe I'll do some supplemental drawings to go along with it. Sonic and Amy's first date was 'easier' because Sonic and Amy already have an established history. Shadow and Aurora have to get to know each other before they start dating, so it'd be easier to accomplish in a fic rather than a comic. If you haven't seen it already, I did write a summary of their first date.

–

Thank you all for the questions!

Evay QA Bulk Post 1

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[mint-ty]

because my best talent is squinting at anything and seeing Bojere, here are my thoughts on Stephanie :D (I didn't need to squint very hard here tbh) Using professor's @bisnes-socks methods I'll try to demonstrate how it's an attempted rebound song 👀 (*also just a disclamer that rpf is for shits and giggles only)

She lives about a thousand miles away from me

It took about a second, a smile, a thousand freckles

To set me free

Thousand miles being exact distance from Helsinki I won't even mention bcs everyone picked up on that :D (that was smooth Bojči, no one could guess). Also do y'all remember about soulmates au and the subtle freckles all over Jere's body? I'm sure you do ;-;

Oh how cliché

A stranger’s city, random party, rainy Saturday

I was downing drinks to drown the sorrow

Just to run away

This part I believe was about London. Notice how Bojan is already getting sloshed and drowning the sorrow. 'The sorrow' being singular. What's the sorrow you may ask that he needs to drown? Well, Jere after all not being able to come to London as they had planned 😔

And then a lightning strike just fills the place

A reflection of a familiar face

I only saw before with my eyes closed

I guess I knew right from the start

It was either a stroke or a racing heart

That I just met my missing part

Bojan is already sloshed here. He decides that fuck that guy (he doesn't mean it), it's only in Bojan's nature to fall in love on first sight, it's nothing special or unique at all. So he looks around the bar to spot a familiar face. Of course that face is not here and so anyone else would work just as well. He clings on this random girl immediately like "love of my life, my missing part". Lovebombing much, hm? Was her friend really throwing up or were you just a bit too desperate and a bit too intense Bojči? 🤨

The song strikes me as he had already gave up on this girl before it even started. He got a plane picture and immediately went "oh woe me 😔" despite knowing very well that distance is not an issue for a relationship (hard work, but def not impossible). It's because he never expected anything real to come out of it in the first place.

Love ain’t real for people like me

And love ain’t real for people like me

Happiness ain’t real for people like me

Stephanie

This part stuck me, and many of us, as being uncharasteristically heavy for the song up to now (including the melody too). Like this heaviness has been eating him up for a long time, not just tonight. Because this part is not about the girl he met at the pub and who all he can remember is that her friend was throwing up. This part is why he was already drinking in that bar before she even showed up.

So yeah it's a song at how Bojan was missing Jere so bad and was feeling so heartbroken that he flimsily attempted to repeat what they had with another person. And at the slightest inconvenience he threw his hands up like "can nothing ever work out for me?! 🙄"

Fast forward to Bojere vacation and Jere is asking Bojan "so what next song you release? :D", and Bojan hits him with "I don't want to talk about music 😑". Because his next song is about him trying to move away from Jere. Yet here he is.

Of course they do talk about it in the end, like they talk about everything. So Jere knows. And he takes a very neat opportunity yesterday to remind Bojan that he is "his". Jere is a genius at playing with words, so while he could joke about "his" being the cut-out lutka Bojan, they both know that Jere is claiming the real Bojan, on the evening of Bojan's attempted rebound song 😌

No wonder Jere doesn't look too cheerful lol

And heiii!!! also the album! :D totally what Jere was thinking about. Absolutely his first thought yes yes 🤭

[homerforsure]

TL;DR: it's not my ship, but they were done dirty

I always always always come back to that weird little reveal that when they were first floating the idea to bring Tommy back, they said it was to do a storyline with Eddie and it got switched to Buck because it was too weird or tricky to have them both break up with their LIs offscreen but only one actress could come back.

Because a stepping stone relationship makes perfect sense for Eddie. Something short and intense with angst and softness for him to get to this moment of letting himself feel joy and to taste how truly good it can be. He didn't need an endgame relationship right now. He did need to have his "first."

Buck didn't need that. Buck is absolutely ready for his forever and he has been for a while and giving him the "inviting Natalia to move in and then catching his own bad habit for once and backing out" would have been great.

But that didn't happen. Instead Eddie had to sit like a hot dog on one of those rolling warmers for a season while Buck started the queer dominos falling (and I admit this is a little bit from a Buddie endgame perspective because it doesn't feel to me like the show was deciding to explore the a character's sexuality just for exploratory purposes and I'm willing to admit I have a blind spot here.)

And honestly I think the fact that Oliver cares so much about Buck and telling this story well both for the character and everyone who sees himself in him and that Lou met that energy turned the storyline and the relationship into a more beautiful beginning than it would have been in the hands of other actors.

Which gave the show it's next problem. Because we can all see that Buck is ready for his forever love and you introduced a new love interest and then instead of sticking to a few episodes of awakening and moving on, I think they saw that people were starving for it and latched onto it and Tommy harder than they expected. So it's an easy thing to do to milk that for a little bit longer, but it was absolutely the wrong choice because people got invested in a way they wouldn't have if this had ended after the original number of episodes we expected.

And Buck and Tommy worked! I think you can nitpick relationship things if you weren't that into it and write a breakup narrative using those seeds, but their puzzle pieces absolutely fit together. So much so that they definitely had forever after potential that everyone could see and a lot of people were excited about and investing in and oops wait that wasn't the plan.

So what do you do? You either abandon the plan and embrace the accidental beauty that you discovered and let it ride or you write your way out of it. Give them some hurdles, some angst. Give them a tear-jerking breakup that respects what you built and the viewers who are invested in it and slowly work your way back to where you wanted to be.

They didn't write their way out of it.

And I so don't want to believe that after the work the actors put in and the viewer feedback that they were still viewing the relationship as a placeholder ready to be yeeted once Eddie's arc got back in position again, but I'm not sure what the alternatives are?

Either it's being talked about that this is the last season and so if they're really doing buddie then it's now or never? Or actually the internet is not a valid reflection of the viewership as a whole and someone from on high said the plug should be pulled?

Or the storyline was stumbled into and fumbled around from the beginning and never treated with as much care by the people in charge of it as it was by the people who loved it.

IDK it's just messy messy storytelling and I say that as someone who is not a multishipper but who does value a good story and a good narrative. They let the relationship go on for too long to end it so abruptly. If there was going to be a breakup, there was a better one to be had and it doesn't make me feel good that my preferred happy ending could come from one that breaks the heart of so many of my friends. And if it isn't in the service of a bigger, already in motion endgame, literally what the fuck?

[call-me-rucy]

ELENA IS HERE! My girl, how have you been!! She's cut her hair, I love that!!

The Vorkosigang is back assembled! (Except for Ivan, poor Ivan).

And Mayhew!!! And Tung!!! Wow the team is really back together!! I'm so happy that I just know this won't last a chapter.

Plan A (...) was to flee at once to the Ariel, now on picket-station, and declare the revolution.

This sounds so Miles idk if Tung has rubbed off on Miles or the other way around.

"To bang his commander's wife?" Elena's eyes sparked. "Anyone's wife? I knew then he wasn't level. If my oaths meant nothing to him, how little did his own?"

SAY IT!! Although this feels very Barrayaran, for all of Elena's hate to her home planet.

Right, Gregor is hearing all this for the first time. I guess he heard a censored version at the end of TWA but he must be amazed at the notion that Miles really did have a fleet as his command.

If anyone could point me to an essay and/or paper and/or tumblr post about the naismith/vorkosigan identity crisis Miles has, I'd be very grateful.

"I think . . . should you become refugees on Our behalf," (Elena, Miles saw, heard that official capital O too, as Tung and Mayhew of course could not)

I love the writing I love the writing I love the writing

I loved her once. Who is she now? Could one choose not to fall in love all over again with this new person?

I LOVE THE WRITING!

Elena being so quick on her reasoning that this will just end up as another treason charge for Miles. I hope that our old friend Greg can help if (when) that time comes.

Mercenary Gregor. Now that's an AU if I've ever seen one. I've tried searching for it on AO3 but all I've found is an alarming frequent use of the tag "Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies".

"I hear their new second officer is a Barrayaran. You might be able to swing some help, there."

This is plot. I'm sure. But Idk how. It's not gonna be help so what is it. Ungari's people?

OH CAVILO IS WITH THE RANGERS OKAY. They're so gonna run into them.

"Strange," said Gregor, looking at Elena—at the new Elena, guessed—"to think you've had more combat experience than either of us." "Than both of you," Elena corrected dryly.

YES!! TELL THEM!!! Elena is not my favourite character only because Cordelia exists, I think.

"Your friend can pass as a fleet soldier," Tung told Miles. "For you, I found a box."

Miles deserves a hug too.

Almost over, says Miles, in page 230 of a 400 page book.

Aaaaaand, here's the trouble.

Cavilo is the elf lady?!?!?

METZOV?!?!?!?! METZOV??!??! I'm sorry, Metzov?!?! Works for Cavilo?????

I HAD SPENT THE LAST FOURTH OF THE BOOK WONDERING WHAT NARRATIVE PURPOSE THE FIRST FOURTH OF THE BOOK SERVED AND OMG HERE IT IS. How could I not see it. This is. I have no words. I love Lois McMaster Bujold.

[blasphemous-lies-and-deceit]

absurd terms of endearment

"Delivery time!" Gerry called out as he barged into the Archives. To his delight, he seemed to have caught Michael unawares, his head jerking up from his papers to look at him with wide shocked eyes. His surprise turned into happiness as a smile spread across his face, the exact expression that had made Gerry fall in love with him the first time he'd seen it lighting up the gloom of the Archives.

"Oh," he squeaked in delight. "I don't remember ordering out."

"That's because this is a surprise, you silly sausage," Gerry teased, setting the container of homemade soup on his desk and rounding it to give his boyfriend a hug. Michael spluttered a laugh, his cheeks turning adorably pink.

"Silly sausage," he snorted. "Like you're one to talk, sugarplum."

"Oh, that's how it is?" Gerry sat on the corner of Michael's desk, a fluttery happiness in his chest at the lovely back and forth. "Careful, my warm cinnamon churro, you might be starting something you can't finish."

"And what might that be, my sweet boba tea?" Michael asked, fluttering his eyelashes as he leant back in his seat. "What am I starting?" As if he didn't know already, as if he didn't have a glint of mischief in his eyes that Gerry loved so much.

"It seems like you're trying to out-nickname me, mister fairy floss." Gerry's words drew a snort out of Michael, covering his mouth with his hand to hold back his giggles. "But if you can't handle a few sweet epitaphs, I don't think you can keep up with me."

"Now listen here, you vanilla macaron-" Michael started, but stopped when Gerry burst out laughing. "See, you can't handle it either!"

"Fuck," Gerry gasped, trying to pull himself back together. It was too fun to stop. "You're pushing it, cream puff," he warned, sending Michael into another round of giggles. "Don't make me switch to another food group, you deep-fried mozzarella stick."

"Oh no you don't, you Sunday roast," Michael shot right back with a grin. "I'm sweet, you're savory."

"Yeah, you'd know that, wouldn't you, my iced lemon cake." Gerry added a lewd wink to his words, and Michael shot forward in his seat, a determined glint in his eye.

"You greasy morning fry-up, you don’t know what you've gotten into," he said, words loaded with warmth. "My succulent steak with potatoes, I could eat you for breakfast."

"Wish you would, my chocolate truffle," Gerry chuckled, leaning in as well until they were nearly within kissing distance. "All these foody endearments are making me hungry."

"Don't you worry about that, my tender soup dumpling, I'll make sure you're very well fed," Michael purred heavily, his lustful eyes heavy as they trailed over Gerry, leaving goosebumps in their wake. "Just you wait til I get you home. I'll load you right up with my sweet cre-"

"Enough!" A sharp yell cut them off, followed quickly by Gertrude appearing in the doorway of her office, looking incredibly cross. "Enough," she said again as Gerry toppled off the desk, laughing so hard his sides hurt, as Michael crumpled in his seat giggling just as hard. "No more. Pet names and euphemisms are no longer allowed in the Archives!"

"Oh, come on, Gee Gee-" Gerry started, only to be stopped by her accusing finger.

"Gerard Keay, I will banish you from these Archives, do not test me," she snapped, even as he continued to laugh. "And Michael, you can not eat that in here, no food is allowed near the documents."

"Oh, do we care about that now, gumdrop?" Michael shot back brightly, getting to his feet to help Gerry up from the floor. "Fine, I'll taking my break now. Since we're so hungry." He pulled Gerry close and pressed an obnoxious kiss to his cheek, earning another disgusted noise from Gertrude. Gerry grinned wickedly and wrapped his arms around Michael's middle, tugging him in tight.

"Careful, love, we don't want to offend Gertrude's delicate sensibilities," Gerry teased, earning an eyeroll and scoff from both Assistant and Archivist. It was over the top, but it was fun, and Gerry loved being able to joke around like that. Even if their lives were dark and horrible, at least he had some brightness to keep them going.

[discordiansamba]

this is, without a doubt, the weirdest thing aang has ever experienced.

katara had warned him- but all the warning in the world couldn't prepare him for the reality. if it weren't for the scar that occasionally peeked out from underneath his bangs, aang wasn't sure he would have even recognized zuko. he was so... different.

his hair was longer than aang remembered- twisted into a short braid hung over his shoulder. he wore earth kingdom green- and unlike the few times he'd seen him in earth kingdom brown, he looked at home in it. even his posture was different- zuko had always held himself like he expected to be attacked at any moment, but there was none of that in him now. he smiled at them- and it wasn't a creepy joo dee smile. it felt... almost genuine. he bowed respectfully, earth kingdom style.

he didn't recognize them at all.

he kept expecting him to crack- but according to toph, his heartbeat didn't so much as falter. there was a rush of customers as zuko brought them their tea. aang couldn't help but stare, watching as zuko weaved through the tables, acting so unlike the angry, stubborn prince he'd once known. he chatted with the customers, making idle small talk. he didn't lose his temper even once. it was like someone else had taken up residence in his body.

which... yeah. he guessed that was spot on.

once things calmed down a bit, zuko returned to their table. he asked them if they'd like a fresh pot of tea. they did- if only to have an excuse to stay longer. zuko smiled at them and told them he'd be back in a few moments. when he returned, he seemed... nervous, for some reason. aang perked up, wondering if he'd remembered something-

-only for zuko to pass him a napkin and quietly ask if he'd give him his autograph. not for him. for his girlfriend. she's a big fan.

aang just stares at him. because of all things, zuko having a girlfriend was not what he expected to hear. he signs the napkin. zuko's smile is positively radiant as he takes it from him. he thanks him- tells him it'll make jin really happy. you're the savoir of ba sing se and the earth kingdom, he says.

"so," sokka says, "-you're earth kingdom, huh?"

"yeah?" zuko gives them a baffled look, "-what else would I be?"

toph asks if he's a bender. zuko blinks, and then shakes his head. no. his father is an earthbender, but he doesn't have any talent there. he wishes, though. aang asks if he knows anything about weapons, and zuko blinks again, before shaking his head with a laugh. no. he'd tried to learn swordsmanship when he was younger, but he had no talent at that either.

"oh," he says, "-but I'm a pretty good cook. father always praises my meals."

aang stares at him. you have a dad?

zuko just looks perplexed. of course he does? everyone has a father. he goes on to wax poetic about the man in a way aang's pretty sure he never did with his actual father. he realizes he's rambling midway through and coughs into his hand, looking slightly embarrassed.

another customer calls him away. they all turn to toph. well?

"he wasn't lying," she says, "-about any of it."

oh oh! AU in which Zuko is brainwashed by the Dai Li into believing he's REALLY Lee from the tea shop.

oh fuck, sorry about your life zuko. and also yours, iroh.

azula doublecrosses zuko after the fall of ba sing se and hands him over to the dai li. she never had any intention of sharing the glory with him. she smiles and tells him that since he enjoyed working at the tea shop with uncle so much, he can just become lee forever.

lee wakes up in ba sing se, alone. his uncle is gone. the city has been taken over by the fire nation. his memories are a blur- he and his uncle went to the earth palace to serve the earth king tea, and then... he can't really remember what happened next.

the fire nation princess wants him to serve her tea. he can feel her eyes on him the entire time he does. she's smiling, but he doesn't like that smile. her other two friends just watch him with looks that verge on pity- but only when the princess isn't looking. part of him feels grateful when they leave for the fire nation. the other part of him just feels... angry?

lee doesn't know where to go, so he goes back to the jasmine dragon. he finds out jin has been looking for him. she asks where his uncle is. he just shakes his head and says he doesn't know. he went missing. she invites him to come stay with her family... but he turns her down. he finds a job at another tea shop. it's all he knows. he's not good for anything else.

princess azula left behind standing orders with the dai li to make sure to keep up her brother's brainwashing. he's stubborn, so if you're not careful, he'll start to realize things he shouldn't. it's why she does not bring him home to the fire nation, as amusing as the idea of having him paraded before the court as a servant is.

the dai li visit lee once every week. it is the same agent every time. they have brainwashed many in their time, but the prince of the fire nation is their masterpiece. he crafts an entire new life for him. lee is drowning in a sea of lies and he doesn't even know it.

iroh realizes something is *very* wrong when he hears nothing of zuko upon arriving in the fire nation. when he breaks out of prison, he discovers that zuko never returned with his sister- and feels fear in his heart. but with the failure of the invasion, someone must teach the avatar firebending... and it cannot be jeong-jeong. iroh asks the white lotus to search for zuko in his place.

it's katara who finds him by accident, after the war is over. she decides to take a break at a tea shop. she looks up at her server- and sees a ghost. a ghost that doesn't recognize her, not even a little- and with a sinking horror, katara realizes exactly what must have happened.

she can't even be angry at him for his betrayal. not when all it earned him was this.

(lee was born and raised in ba sing se. he has no uncle, but he has his father. he is an agent of the dai li, and lee could not be more proud of him. he got his scar in the accident that killed his mother. a tragic fire. an accident. he's been afraid of it ever since.

lee lacks talent. he knows this, but he has found a simple happiness in the one thing he is good at- serving tea. he chats with the customers. he remembers the orders of all his regulars. his life is simple, but he is happy. he has never once thought of leaving ba sing se. why would he? his entire life is here. he has his father. his job. his girlfriend jin. he doesn't need anything else.

...he would like this strange water tribe girl to stop talking to him now. he hides in the kitchen. the owner kicks her out for hassling his best tea server.

lee has been kidnapped. these people keep calling him zuko. he has no idea who that is. they take him to the fire nation. he needs to get far, far away from ba sing se, they say. somewhere more familiar. lee doesn't know what they're talking about. he wants to go home.)