#I'm not saying it cannot be done but I am yet to be proven wrong

[assmundr]

Wow... Dragon Slayer. Just. Wow. "Comic and comments section are confused on why defining a female character by her reproductive organs and nothing else is a YIKES. More at 11."

You know, I wouldn't have minded this approach if the comic itself had some more meat on it's methaphorical bone. And please, before you jump me and call me a mysoginist that gets off on women's objectification or something, lemme explain.

I think any story that bites into this topic has a potential to be very interesting if it's done correctly. That means that it first needs to set up the worldbuilding, the characters and the relationships they have with one another and the world they live in before it dives into one such topic. Creating stories about rape, assault, opression, objectification, etc. etc. is not wrong at it's core, it's the execution. It's when the creators don't take the time and effort to first establish the characters this is about and instead start throwing all of these heavy topics into the story left and right for whatever reason. Which, ironically, makes the character(s) they wanna write the story about come off as nothing but empty vessles for the topics they're trying to warn the reader about.

Dandy may become a more rounded character in the future, but she is not one now. We know essentially nothing about her as a person. What we do know, however, is that her own father attempted to diddle her within the first 20 pages of the comic and since then, she's been nothing but a trauma bingo.

I wouldn't have minded this topic as a part of her story if she was at least established to have a personality before this happened, because like this, she appears to exist simply for the comic to establish her dad is a bad guy (and what a good guy Dykor is!!) and to burden her with this one specific kind of heavy trauma. Because we all know that a woman is not a woman until pregnancy/childbirth/motherhood/rape/infertility/other uterus related topics, is an integral part of her story.

[hongluboobs]

tumblr user hong lu boobs have you played any of the new canto yet im very interested in your thoughts

Yes I do!!! I don't want to make a big post on Some Of The Stuff til the whole canto is up (if you are aware of this account and some of my recent postings it may become aware of what i am talking about) but ohhghghgh. This shit Re Awakened the naive cyanism in me!! I thought it was gone. I thought I was over Hong Lu! I haven't even been doing my dailies and weeklies as of late that's how out of it i've been. but NOPE!! We are sooooo limback babey!!

(i apologize for yapping about hong lu right off the bat. its not that guy's turn yet. it's don's world and we are all just living it, but with the way don's character is structured my brain goes more towards a "wait and see" approach for her. I know it'll be awesome and i Am invested but like. this is hong lu boobs dot tumblr dot com. I'm sorry women)

I'll put some basic stuff above the cut and then some more spoiler-y stuff below.

HUGE fan of the presentation this canto. PJM continues to get crazier with this stuff every canto and this is no exception.

In the light of that previous bullet, I am fully expecting some meta fuckery here. They've pulled some cool stuff at the ends of cantos 5 and 6 but. this is the sinner about delusion/unreality! I Live In Fear of whatever pm is cooking.

The setting is also REALLY fun. whenever I saw a new battle bg i was cheering and clapping. they're all so fun and whimsical and there's so much potential for interesting things

I really like seeing how people dress in the north of the city! We've had so many new factions/branches of factions thrown at us so far and I love a lot of the outfits! Will this still hold true when I try to draw them and get upset at the level of detail after drawing standard formalwear on pm characters for so long? Maybe!

The CGs have been really clean so far? As an artist I get worried about this stuff sometimes because it's a lot of work to get done but all the ones I've seen so far are really nice :)

If you aren't reading passives and status effects this canto. do that. my brain might be a little too small atm to comprehend some of the gimmicks w the main enemy type but some of the wording in the enemies passives may be hinting at things. Also some of them are really funny

this Might be my favorite direction they've taken the OST? Honestly it's so hard to pick because this ost NEVER misses but I've been typing this whole thing to that one boss's theme (you know the one)

If you've played through the first part of the canto, feel free to click through the read more for some of my thoughts that delve more into spoiler territory

I am so intimidated anytime the screen goes black and I have to deal with various colored text and Scary Voiceover. I cannot say much on it aside from just how scared i get whenever it happens. I'm pretty bad at identifying voices (especially if i don't understand the language) but these lines just get. so interesting

Here they are all together for my convenience (and potentially yours :) )

I don't have a ton to say on it especially because anything I say can be proven wrong Very Quickly and I am not a don quixote scholar but I think the "Please, please! I don't want an adventure, stop! Please!" line from (who i assume to me) second kindred don is VERY interesting. much to think about regardless!

UPDATE: while I was writing this my buddy lu-is-not-ok (follow him. if you like what I do you'll like what he does.) sent me this image.

Yep, we've got identity stuff going on. Yellow seems to be Our Don Quixote (It's her text color, at least, but back then she'd be the bloodfiend second kindred, hence being able to obliterate that bear immediately, and acting less in line with the DQ we know and love) while red is... maybe the original don quixote? The original owner of rocinate at least,("Your running shoes look like they could fetch a nice price...") who seems obsessed with justice and fixers like ours. I haven't read the book so I don't feel like I can add a ton more to this aside from flat speculation but I am very interested in how this develops.

Ok now I want to talk about Hong Lu stuff. Let's ignore the elephant in the room for just a second :)

I'm a big fan of the exchange between Dante, Verg, and Hong Lu. THERE IS SO MUCH CONCERNING FORESHADOWING IN HERE!!!!! OH MY GOG. I can't handle it.

the specific wording of "the most lucid one" is SO interesting to me. fully expecting these cantos to be a True Combo. I was already anticipating it because they both have so much to do with rules and the boundary of reality and delusion but with the familial hierarchy theme present in bloodfiends its Definitely happening. And the light in Hong Lu's left eye going dimmer??? with the water theming being used??? Gloom/sinking themed distortion Please Please Please. you're nothing. Theres some water connections from the book irt the land of illusion (near the end bao-yu's enlightenment is seen as realizing that everything is akin to moonlight mirrored in the water- it ultimately doesn't matter and everything predestined to happen will occur regardless) and this water theming is present in Hong Lu as well (base ego) but it's really interesting to see it Like This.\

And now. there's probably some other stuff I can talk about but I wanna say things about The Elephant In The Room. If you follow my stuff and are caught up on this canto you know what I'm talking about.

I have been compiling a diagram with every mention of Hong Lu's family across all his dialogue. (which you can see here if interested, though it's now outdated for obvious reasons) We only really get vague mentions, the only direct family appearance is Jia Huan, who shows up to say one line and then fucks off.

I was not expecting to get stuff on Hong Lu This Early. They've been giving us mostly crumbs and I was NOT expecting to get hit by All This. I have been surviving on scraps and I just had the Hong Lu lore equivalent of a rotisserie chicken thrown to me. I'm kind of rusty on DOTRC because I haven't touched up on it in a while and as such I cannot give too many details but it's very interesting to see Xichun.

I'm going to check up on Xichun's characterization in the source later because there's so many characters in that book and she wasn't really one I had that close an eye on during my read. From what I remember, she's one of Bao-yu's cousins who lives in the garden with him, and eventually runs away to become a nun when the family starts falling into decline. (mirroring Bao-yu running away to become a monk for the same reasons.) I'm probably missing stuff I'll catch when I go out to reread the book, but based on how she's depicted here it gives me more of an idea about what themes of dotrc they're pushing for canto 8.

They're for sure emphasizing the familial abuse and how fucked up the jia family is. It almost reads like all of the siblings are in competition with each other (building "factions"). and Hong Lu has said his siblings have attempted to kill him before.

Hong Lu has been like this, which lines up with his book equivalent of Bao-yu, who is notorious for being childish/naive and not necessarily working within the pre established rules and conventions set up by his family. I'm curious how he's managed to survive this long with the jias a lot more willing to Kill Eachother.

"My most amicable sibling" fucks me up so much. what the hell is this family's deal man. I'm really curious about this line, because xichun is not a sibling but a cousin in the book. I'm curious what's gonna happen with Bao-chai and Dai-yu in Limbus because it's very challenging to adapt this story without those two. Dai-yu in Dotrc is one of the characters Bao-yu feels most comfortable being himself around. Generally, the female characters in DOTRC are better people than the male ones, and Bao-yu spends most of his time with the girls as a result. I'm curious how/if they'll adapt this because it's a pretty big thing in the book and they serve as an escape for Bao-yu from dealing with the nightmare that is people like his father. I feel if it was happening, they'd probably write Xichun a little kinder, but I don't know nearly enough to make any sort of call yet. Absolutely TERRIFIED (positive. this is a good thing) for what PM is cooking.

I'm gonna have to cut this off here because i have A Lot of thoughts but i also have many assignments to finish and have been typing this for way too long! Thank you for asking the question anon I hope you enjoyed reading some of my thoughts :) !!

[eva-does-its-best]

You're right, I'm no faker, I fought, I fought a lot. I've been to the hospital about 36 times in my life according to my health history, it wasn't until almost 3 years ago that I decided to actively try to improve my health.

I fought my body for so long to incorporate new food to my diet, mainly fruit, it's easy to eat and doesn't need prep, I still cannot eat vegetables, meat, pasta, or cooked food in general, I've never eaten warm, but I am proud of my successes even if they seem small, because they were so big for me, and I did them alone, my family still very much doesn't offer any support for my recovery aside from being slightly happy after I eat something new.

I started doing exercise and managed to gain weight, to feel better, had a new found strength and energy.

But there is only so much I can do. Two decades of barely any movement, of laying in beds and sofas, innumerable illnesses including ferropenic and pernicious anemias, family giving up on helping me eat human food, doctors giving up on me too, blaming me for my arfid as if I did it on purpose and telling me that I was gonna die; that cannot be cured by a single person through effort alone.

I struggle to breathe when speaking, my stamina is pathetic, even with all that I gained through exercise I'm still weaker than the average person. Standing, walking, sitting and laying down all cause me pain and I have recieved no medical help for it. All doctors tell me that I will not get my disability approved. Going outside of home, even for activities that I like, leaves me unable to do anything for the next day or next two days. My mental comorbities make it even worse, to the point that I've been kidnapped by my own body more than once. My immune system is awful, doctors always say it, and I probably should care more about it but it's all too much for a single person

I remember when I had regular chest stabby pains so strong that they left me unable to breathe or move for more than a minute, yet the doctors said 21 was too young for ansiolitics and just told me to do meditation. My knee locks constantly and goes out of place, but they blame it on flexibility, say there is nothing they can do and don't offer me any mobility aids. I expect nothing from doctors they are a waste of time.

I have done everything I can, or close to it. My body is failing on most fronts but I'm still alive, even though I still believe that I won't live long and it hurts so much, I want to be proven wrong, I want to prove those doctors wrong. I have fought to survive.

[coredrill]

my apologies to bravern himself but my own committment to the bit is not nearly as powerful as his bc i cannot figure out how to get the number ten into the word bravern [sadface]

ANYWAYS THOUGHTS god i loved this ep............lulu.......bang brave bang bravern is abt loving ppl so damn hard you take the narrative itself into your hands and give them a better ending. when superbia said that basically verbatim i YELLED

thank god this show is only 12 episodes cause i have a feeling they are gonna explain the time travel logic of NONE of this and i am so happy about that LMAO. just do it!!! have fun!!! this is a wow cool robot show i don't care abt the paradoxes or whatever i'm having a good time lmao. i mean i'm not opposed to them explaining it but it would def melt my brain. also i feel like if it ran past 12 eps it probably would've gone for a more monster-of-the-week situation at parts and also the ~mystery~ of bravern himself would've gotten pretty frustrating so i am just. rly loving the pacing overall tbh

isami is so fucking funny. he's trying SO hard to live in an ultraserious narrative but everyone else is chomping at the bit to get on with their unhinged looney tunes antics INCLUDING THE CAMERA ITSELF. like we don't know much abt him as a protagonist but i really do adore him on the whole. peak fiction fr fr

in the uncensored theater of masami obari's mind in which this show ends with a smith/isami wedding i think that one dude (googles) Thomas J. Plumman would be the officiant cause why else is he witnessing the boxing match AND isami fucking SNIFFING THE SHIRT??????? true allyship i suppose LMFAO

on perhaps the only serious note of this whole post i am thinkign SO hard abt how like. even in the Bad Ending Timeline, isami and smith/bravern still achieved their goal! like. the world was saved! it looked fairly peaceful! the deathdrives (minus superbia but he was just kinda chillin) were gone! they'd done their job and that wasn't enough! and i am ALSO thinkin abt bad-ending-bravern's last words being abt the curry he ate while human.........i mentioned this already but i think my prediction is leaning slightly more "human smith comes back somehow" after this ep. i still think it could work with whatever route they go tbh, but those factors plus ofc bravern saying "there are things that ONLY YOU HUMAN SMITH can do for isami" are making me think that we gotta like. Get Smith Outta There or something ("you have been saying this since like ep4" AND I HAVE NOT BEEN PROVEN WRONG YET!!!! [is immediately proven wrong when the preview drops on sunday LMFAO]) i DO wonder what would happen to bravern himself in this scenario however because he is a funny guy and i do not wanna lose him either :[ but tbh i'm just excited for the ride that the final two eps will deliver :]

[slimeywooper]

Labmas AU - Unintended Consequences

Chapter 12 Part 2 - Game

CW: I don't think it will bother anyone, but I'll note here that there is a scene that could make some people uncomfortable.

Kudari hasn't made any noise in the last couple of minutes, which isn't normal. You look over to him. He's staring into space, unblinking, mouth hanging open slightly, and saliva starting to drip down his chin. "Uh, Kudari, are you okay?" You start to waive your hand in front of his face, trying to get his attention.

Hearing the concern in your voice, Nobori looks over as well. Reassuring you, he says, "Kudari's fine. This happens every now and then. He sleeps like a normal person, but sometimes he gets hit with the circadian rhythm cycle Galvantula have." Nobori reaches into his coat and pulls out a handkerchief. He wipes Kudari's chin, then folds it into his shirt collar like a napkin. "Sometimes his body will stop responding in an attempt to conserve energy, even though he's had plenty of rest. Don't worry, he'll be back to normal soon. Don't say anything bad about him while he's in this state, though, he can still hear you." Nobori smiles at you, attempting to ease your anxiety.

Just as he had said, Kudari slowly begins to move again. Taking the handkerchief off, he hands it back to Nobori, who in turn lays it on the table. "I'm sorry, little one. I did not mean to worry you," Kudari utters slowly, coming out of whatever stupor he had been in. "As you can see, Dr. Colress was able to create us, but unfortunately, he wasn't quite smart enough to iron out some genetic inconsistencies in our genomes. We are stuck living with his failures."

You suppose it was naivete on your part that made you assume the hybrids were perfect mixtures. Kudari's circadian rhythm was a negative trait from his Galvantula half in a similar way that Nobori's inability to have children was one from his Chandelure half. "Oh…" You say softly, unsure of what to express.

"Don't say such things, Kudari, they may upset (Y/N)," Nobori chastises him.

Kudari glares back at him, "I would never purposefully upset them!" he argues, voice becoming louder.

Stepping between them, you announce, "It's okay, really. I'm not upset," hoping to ease the quickly rising tension. "Well Kudari, now that I know the rules you are supposed to follow, we should be able to keep each other on track. You told me Colress doesn't like to be proven wrong, but we don't even have to do that. Just making it so he has nothing to complain about will be considered a victory in my eyes."

"Okay!" Kudari exclaims, sounding excited. "I am so happy you are not upset with me! Maybe after we work today, you can hang out in my room? Or tomorrow! That would be better, because it's a special day!"

His enthusiasm is endearing, so you ask him to explain, "What makes it a special day? Do you have something planned?"

"I cannot tell you yet! That would ruin the surprise!" He starts doing his little dance where he hops from his right legs to his left, back and forth.

"Alright, I'll wait for tomorrow, but for now, we can't put off our work for much longer. We need to think of a solution for when we need to take a break." You put your hand up to your head in thought, when Kudari interrupts your deliberation.

He matter-of-factly informs you, "Earlier today, Dr. Colress let me make a web that I'm going to use as my designated break area. So the temptation of entering the break room will no longer be an issue."

That's shocking news. You would have assumed Colress would purposefully do something to sabotage Kudari, but that actually seems like a reasonable thing. This would mean you only have to get someone to watch Kudari momentarily while you run to get something for yourself. You nod your head, "Sounds good. We should get started before he returns. If we're still in here, he'll think we're goofing off. He told me to start feeding the Pokemon when we were done talking."

"May I assist you in your assignment? I get rather bored when I'm not working," Nobori offers, as he retrieves the handkerchief from the table, stashing it in his coat's inner pocket.

You are pleasantly surprised by his suggestion, and accept, "Sure, we'd love to have your help." Kudari has a sour expression on his face from this turn of events. Not noticing his mood shift, you resume your statement, "It will go much faster with you here. There's actually a cart in the wash room we can use to hold the bowls of food. Let's head down there and get started."

Everyone leaves the room and makes their way to the elevator, entering as the doors open. It's a tight fit, but you're all able to get in. The back of your hand brushes against Nobori's. Such close proximity is getting to be too much for you. Is he feeling the same thing? Or is it only you being tortured? And what exactly are you feeling? There's only been a few instances you've interacted with him without others around, but it's always something you look forward to.

Arriving on the third floor, you ask Nobori, "Would you mind grabbing that cart and some of the feed for us? Kudari and I will wait by the kennels."

"Of course. I'll return shortly." He nods, before heading on his mission.

Kudari watches him leave, a look of distaste present on his features. He lowers himself, addressing you, "Little one. Nobori fancies himself your protector ever since you fainted in my arms. Let's play a game with him!" he speaks in a mischievous tone. "If he wants to be a hero, we should give him the opportunity!" His voice is strangely quiet, perhaps fearful Colress will overhear from wherever he is.

Thinking back to when you woke up in the suite with Nobori, your face grows red again. "I don't know what you mean. What kind of game are we going to play with him?" You say absentmindedly, trying to concentrate more on making a mental note of where the different Pokemon are in the kennels.

Perking up, Kudari is visibly trembling with anticipation. "Simple! I will take you to the web I made today, pretend I'm going to eat you, and Nobori will have to save you! Now let's go, I don't want to wait any longer!" Grabbing and lifting you up, he holds you close with an arm. One of his back legs begins collecting silk and feeding it to his pedipalps, which in turn move the strands to his open hand.

"Wait, wait, wait! Please stop! I don't want to play this game!" You shout, petrified, the situation abruptly taking a nosedive. This definitely isn't something Kudari should be doing. He ignores you, using the strands to first bind your arms, then quickly moving to bind your legs. Thoroughly wrapped so you cannot move your appendages, he grasps you with both hands now, charging across the room. Your frightened screams haven't subsided since he started, drawing the attention of everyone in the area.

It doesn't take long before he is climbing up a wall, heading for the ceiling corner which has the web he had mentioned previously. As he is holding you to his chest, you peak down, feeling sick from the height, but immediately relieved at the sight of Nobori in the group of onlookers below. He must have heard your screams and come to help, just like Kudari hoped he would.

"Nobori! Look what I have!" Kudari calls down. "If you want them back uneaten, you better find a way up here quickly! Hee hee!" The same trembling excitement you noticed in him earlier has returned and is now reverberating through you.

"Kudari, you Mudbray! Let them down! Can't you see you're scaring them?!" Nobori yells. This is the loudest you have ever heard him.

Attempting to persuade him to let you down, you plead, "Let me go, Kudari! I don't want to be up here! We need to get back to work! I'm not upset with you, just put me back on the ground and we'll forget this ever happened. Please, I don't want you to get in trouble again." You try to reason with him, but Kudari isn't listening. He is giggling to himself incessantly, eyes fixed on Nobori, waiting for him to make a move. Your fear lessens and you start to get mad due to him ignoring you. Since you came here, you've lost your home, had a job thrust upon you, and now been terrorized by someone who you've only ever been nice to and thought of as a friend. All of these things happened because you wouldn't stand up for yourself. It has to stop now, so you decide to take action, doing the only thing you are currently able to do. You reach your head up and bite Kudari on the neck, deep enough to draw a little blood. He makes a strange noise, initially a gasp which turns into a moan. His body stiffens, immediately pulling away from you, eyes wide with shock. Now holding you at arms length, he crawls off the web and travels down the wall.

Placing you lightly on your feet, he meekly apologizes, barely above a whisper, "I'm sorry (Y/N)," grasping the bite on his throat.

Nobori runs to you, and using a small burst of fire, dissolves some of the webbing that is binding you, so it could be pulled off easily. After you are free, you hug him. "Thank you. I'm sorry you had to save me again."

Breaking away from the hug, he states, "Nonsense, you saved yourself this time," as he smiles and looks into your eyes. Bringing his hand to your chin, he wipes a tiny smear of blood off your lip with his thumb. You should be mortified, but all you can feel is an ethereal peace. Looking around, you notice Colress has arrived and is currently glaring at Kudari. You know there is going to be hell to pay for this stunt.

Reacting first, you attempt to defend Kudari, "Please don't be too hard on him. He was only playing a game and didn't mean to scare me!" The look on Colress' face lets you know it is pointless to argue. His mind is made up.

"Kudari, my office. Now." Colress orders, not making an effort to even tilt his head in your direction. He leaves and Kudari follows, whimpering as he goes.

As the other researchers begin to disperse, returning to their work, you're left alone with Nobori. "What are we going to do?" you say, not asking a question, but making a statement. "Colress is surely not thinking of that as any kind of game. I shouldn't have screamed. Maybe Kudari would have let me down before Colress arrived…"

"Don't blame yourself. Sometimes Kudari is overtaken by certain whims. Something must have triggered him to want to do that." He tells you, lightly placing a hand on your arm. "We'll just have to wait until they come back. What I say won't matter, but you may be able to convince Colress to give him another chance."

Suppressing the negative feelings coming forth, you resolve to finish the task you were given. "Alright, let's continue feeding the Pokemon, then when the opportunity presents itself, I will see what I can do." Nobori nods to your plan, and you both get to work. The day isn't over yet, there is still plenty of time to turn it around.

[kanmom51]

I have been reading you for long time, what’s your opinion on nowadays jikook relationship? Did you notice the change? Do you think they are still couple? Do they maybe have now time off for some time to figure out stuff? Several months ago you did post that was quite popular where you made conclusion “TKK are simply not a thing, while JKK clearly are a couple” @ because Tae forgot that JK did 2 hour vlive (he even commented during it but simply forgot). Now Jungkook forgot or didn’t know (it’s unlike, I think he saw it maybe for bride second but just brushed it as if it was unimportant information in his brain) where Jimin’s new tattoo is. How is this situation different from what you initially thought about tk one? Isn’t the conclusion should be the same?

You seem angry, lol.

And from your ask I guess you are also sure that JK and JM are no longer together.

Funny how JK seems to have had his JM tattoo just touched up (just the JM, those two specific letters).

Before I get into JK’s Vlive, you ask me what I think the status of their relationship is now days.

My answer to you is that I think they are fine and dandy. I think they are as in love as ever and their long term relationship is as strong as it has ever been.

Seeing their interactions in LV, JK being super loud not only on his IG stories or his Vlive, but also during the concerts and the Vlive Hobi, Tae, JM and JK had.

Only to mention a very few of said words/actions/interactions:  JK’s “keep being jealous I’ll keep holding JM, blblblblb”, JK’s description of JM hugging him with a big ass smile on his face, JK’s ass grab, JK saying “love you” to JM (I do think he thought the mic was off and we weren’t going to hear that one, that it was for JM’s ears only, oopsy), JK’s heart finger for JM, JK carrying JM, their interactions, their utter happiness around each other.

And if you were maybe thinking something happened after they got back, just maybe, then you have the pre-recordings happening just days ago telling us just the same - they are still drawn to each other, their interactions still same old Jikook interactions.

It’s like every single time we don’t get to see them there is this wave of insecurity, and “JK doesn’t look at JM the same”, “JK isn’t all over JM”, “JK doesn’t live JM anymore” (funny how it’s always JK the one not wanting JM anymore, isn’t it?).  JM and JK are super private people.  When they are off camera they want to be off camera.  Not to mention, and I am sick and tired of having to mention this yet again, being a closeted queer couple in an unaccepting society, with a very negative climate at the moment (have you seen what’s been going on with the Seoul pride parade?).  But the second they are back in front of the camera they just cannot hide it, and every single time said rumours are proven wrong. 

So no, I don’t think there is anything wrong with their relationship.  They are, as I said, fine and dandy.

Now to the Vlive:

I haven't seen the live. And definitely not translated, so I'm living on what you are writing and bits and pieces of information about what was said.

Do I have to remind you that we are talking about a friendship tattoo, one that all of the members have had done or are going to have done?

One that so far both NJ and Hobi have shown us themselves!

And JIn also referred to his, almost showing it to us too.

As for JM, from photos it seems that JM might have had it done on his left hand...

He hasn’t told us though.

You say that JK "didn't know where JM's friendship tattoo is", but that’s not what JK said though.  As far as I understand JK mentioned RM’s, Hobi’s and Jin’s tattoos.  And then went “and where did Jimin hyung get his one again?”

So 3 members who have basically revealed their tattoos already and the fourth, JM, who hasn’t just yet.  JM who is a private person.  JM who will be the one to decide when and where to reveal it to us.

This isn’t JK’s story to tell us.  It’s JM’s.  And JK not telling us is him respecting that.

As it being a friendship tattoo JM isn’t hiding the tattoo from the others,  they know about it, he’s told them.  It’s not something JK would know about because of bf privileges.  

If we saw the tattoo already, granted by accident, but none the less, I can assure you that the rest of the members, all of them, have seen it already and know exactly where JM had it done.  Boyfriends or not, lol.  So even if JK was not romantically involved with JM he would know where said tattoo is.  Do you get that?  I hope you do.

Hence, JK not divulging where the tattoo is has zero to do with the question if they are a couple or not, and I do hope you’re not even hinting to JM and JK not being friends enough for JK to be one of those to know where JM’s tattoo is.  You aren’t, right?  Because even if you are hinting in your ask to believing they are no longer a couple, you wouldn’t be going down the path of them not being friends.  Nah-ah.  Nope.  

Btw JM himself kind of hinted to where his tattoo will be during the festa dinner.  Telling us where he would like to have it done...

At the end not the pinky, but definitely on the inside.

So JK not telling us about JM’s tattoo is not about him not knowing where it is.  This is about JK realising this isn’t his story to tell us, respecting JM and letting him be the one to tell and show us the tattoo.

Those are my thoughts.  Take them or leave them.

[softforcal]

RAVENCLAW READER W/ GRYFFINDOR ASHTON. It's a whole concept. The way she's brainy and kinda closed off until she's with him, and he helps her be more adventurous, and he cannot get over how smart she is and how much she knows. So! Much! Teasing! because that's how he flirts but she's got smart snarky replies for everything. I'm nutting over this concept so hard 🙃🙃

GRYFFINDOR ASH X RAVENCLAW READER

-so you’re a ravenclaw and Ash has noticed you around but never really spoken to you

-Ravenclaws keep to themselves a lot because ya’ll are so busy

-so when Ash gets paired to be your lab partner in potions class he’s kind of like ‘well fuck this is going to be boring.’

-he sits down next to you and without even looking up from your potions book you’re like “whats got your panties in a rut Gryffindor boy?”

-he laughs immediately, “I’m Ashton.” he holds out a hand

-you continue reading “i know who you are.”

-”You’re Y/N.” he states, taking his hand back, his Gryffindor pride already a little wounded

-”yup.” you continue reading the book

-class starts and the teacher tells you the potion you’re all going to make

-you still don’t talk to him

-then around halfway through class you state: “you better tell your buddy over there that if he continues to stir the pot like that it’s going to explode.”

-Ashton doesn’t even know who you’re talking about because you’ve yet to look up from your book

-but then there’s a loud popping sound and the teacher goes “five points from Gryffindor Mr. Hemmings, have you not learnt to read instructions?”

-Ashton bursts out laughing and turns to you, “come on, how are you not laughing at that?”

-you shrug, “i’m making this potion, gotta be done first.”

-”you’ll for sure be done first.” Ashton assures you, stopping after he says it to be like why the fuck did i even just say that

-”you’ve never had a potions class with Calum Hood.” you say, focusing more on your work

-Ashton looks over and realizes Slytherin!Cal looks just as focused as you are

-”hate that guy.” Ashton states

-”get in line.”

-the class continues and you barely speak to Ashton as he tries to focus on what he’s supposed to be doing

-class is almost finished when you call the teacher over and he looks at your potion, “very good Y/N. Irwin you should take some tips from your partner, might learn a thing or two.”

-now that your potion is done you turn to Ashton, watching what he’s doing, “whats the difference between crush and chop?” you ask

-Ashton is kinda taken aback because obviously there’s a difference, “obviously chopping is when you cut something and crushing is when you crush something, aren’t you the Ravenclaw here?”

-you roll your eyes, focusing on your book

-Ashton raises his hand and the teacher comes over, “this is incorrect Mr. Irwin, it looks as though you you chopped the bitterroot instead of crushing it.”

-as soon as the teacher leaves Ashton turns to you, “you knew i was doing it wrong!” he yells

-”i asked if you knew the difference between crushing and chopping.” you shrug, “i would have helped but you seemed to think the difference was, whats the word you used? obvious?”

-class ends and you leave before Ashton can retort something witty and he stares after you as you go

-and so begins this odd partnership

-you start to open up a bit more and Ashton takes notice right away

-one class he just watches everything you do and tries to copy it and finally you give in and show him what to do

-and then comes the flirting

-”you know, i think you’d look good in red.” Ashton says one day. “i look great in blue.” you answer absentmindedly

-shut down

-the next class he shows up and when class starts he picks up the centaur heart ingredient (yes it’s gross as fuck but he is committing to this!) and he’s like “here, it’s my heart.” “thanks.” you say, taking it from him and cutting it in half before handing half of it back to him

-Ashton is deflated

-at this point Slytherin!Cal and Slytherin!Michael (who are lab partners) begin to notice Ashton floundering and not being able to flirt with you but that just eggs Ashton on to succeed

-so this boy is the Gryffindor Quidditch Beater and you bet your ass he’s going to come up with some Quidditch pick up lines

-”are you a snitch? because you’re the greatest catch here.” he grins. “sucks you weren’t good enough to be a seeker huh?” you say absentmindedly, not really paying attention to him

-this makes Cal and Michael burst out laughing

-because Cal is a seeker

-and he and Ashton hate each other

-so Cal comes over now, leaning in front of you, “I’m a seeker, does that make you my golden snitch babe?” he asks, that classic grin on his face

-”after your game against Hufflepuff last week i doubt you’d be a good enough seeker to catch me. or anything for that matter.” you state

-now Ashton is the one laughing as Cal glares and goes back to his seat

-every class Ashton fails super hard and after every class Luke pretends to be you with your witty comebacks and laughs his ass off

-”i just don’t know what it’s going to take.” Ashton sighs

-Luke shrugs, “then flirt with someone else. you have your pick of girls mate, what’s so special about this one?”

-”she just is.” Ashton snaps

-yeah, you’re special to him.

-next class he sits own, “do you like butterbeer?” he asks. you turn and look at him, “is this leading to some sort of joke because for once you have me stumped Irwin.” “no i’m being serious. i want to take you out for Butterbeer.”

-”okay.” “okay?! seriously? just like that?” he laughs.

-”yeah. you stopped dicking around and actually asked me out.” you shrug, “was wondering if you were a Gryffindor at all.”

-there’s the sass

-he smiles, “okay.”

-he smiles the entire class and it’s actually so sweet

-like no annoying shit or playing around

-just a happy little munchkin

-Calum glaring at Ashton the entire class

-class ends and as you stand you’re like “meet me in the great hall after dinner and we can go grab that Butterbeer.”

-leaving and he just watches you go and he is shook AF

-Luke getting him in a headlock as soon as you’re gone because “bro she said yes!”

-spending the rest of the day all happy

-at dinner Ashton can’t help but stare at you from his table and Luke of course teases him about that too

-your eyes meet his a few times and you always smile and look away which just makes Ash grin wider

-when you finish eating you stand up and Ashton follows your movements, leaving his practically uneaten dinner as he goes to meet you at the front of the great hall for your date

-”someone’s eager.” you tease

-he grins, “of course i am. it’s not every day the hottest Ravenclaw girl in history agrees to go on a date with a lowly Gryffindor.”

-you roll your eyes and the two of you head off walking

-you’re still pretty witty which he is in love with

-like, Ravenclaws are smart but this whole witty comeback thing is super hot

-he just grabs your hand while you’re walking and you just give him a look but you go with it

-yes, you have comebacks all the time but the Gryffindor boy has been growing on you, Potions is your favourite class because of him, and now that he’s proven he actually likes you and isnt just being a flirt like some guy (cough Luke Hemmings and cough Calum Hood) you might be down for this

-i mean, he still is a Gryffindor which is an unlikely match for you but he seems super sweet

-almost like a Hufflepuff. but that whole bravery hothead thing he has going on is both unbelievably sexy and also a definite Gryffindor thing

-its an interesting match to say the least

-so the date is amazing

-you just bounce shit off of each other and it works really well

-walking back up to the school and the entire time you’re asking yourself if he’s going to try to kiss you or not

-you get to the door to your common room and it’s the moment of truth

-then he goes for a hug

-you find yourself laughing

-”what?” he asks, pulling away

-”it’s nothing just… a true Gryffindor would make a move that’s all.” you grin

-and of course you’re practically asking for it

-and that witty teasing just gets him going

-he grabs your face and kisses you

-you melt into the kiss

-he pulls away and sighs, “see you tomorrow in class babe.”

-”oh so i’m ‘babe’ now?” you grin

-you never let this boy off the hook do you?

-he looks you over and nods, “yeah, you’re babe now.”

-you want to say something witty back but you can’t bring yourself to, instead you just say “okay.”

-for the first time he’s left you speechless

-you go into your common room and he goes to his

-smiles never leaving your faces the rest of the night

-going to class the next day and when he sits next to you his arm goes over the back of your chair like it’s the most normal thing in the world

-you want to say something witty but again you hold it back

-your wit can be a defence mechanism and something’s telling you that you don’t need to be that way with Ashton anymore

-Cal of course says something bitchy about Ashton’s arm under his breath

-and you snap back a witty reply before Ashton can even defend himself

-Ashton grins at you because you’re actually protecting him now

-its just sweet

-he’s in love with your wit already and it’s making him so soft

-and after that? well you two are practically connected at the hip

-a few Ravenclaws are confused because Ashton can be pretty out there and wild

-Gryffindors being kind of confused because you seem super nerdy and focused all the time

-until one day when one of them says something semi rude in front of you and you savagely wreck them with your wit

-Ashton laughs his ass off but after that no one questions the two of you

-study dates where Ashton just kisses your neck and tries to distract you then gets really distraught when it doesn’t work and resorts to extreme measures ;)

-trying to read your homework with this boys head between your legs

-you always give in and Ashton adores that

-studying in the stands while Ashton is at Quidditch practice and he gets so distracted by how cute you look studying in his red scarf

-he likes to get you out of your comfort zones

-he is a fan of throwing you over his shoulder and carrying you places that way

-he always drags you into supply closets and and no matter how often it happens you always scold him but he kind of adores it and grins into the kisses because “you’re such a Ravenclaw.”

-im so soft

-”how does it feel knowing your girlfriend is smarter than you?” Calum asks one day. “it feels fucking awesome.” Ashton answers without hesitation

-no pride hurt at all over that

-he adores you and all of your Ravenclaw tendencies

-(also B, if you have glasses and you do that thing where you’re constantly pushing them up Ashton would straight up nut because thats so cute)

-alone, you’re still pretty closed off but there’s a noticeable shift in you whenever Ashton is around and thats how people know you love him

-its obvious Ashton loves you

-you’re that super cute couple holding each other before exams, you quizzing Ashton who gets a kiss every time he answers correctly

-”you’ve been studying!” you grin when he gets five right in a row. “i have an amazing teacher babe.” he says with a kiss

-knowing that he is not intimidated at all by how smart you are

-he is so fucking proud of you

-no matter how many tests you ace he is always super excited for you

-just so much unconditional support

-wow. i am falling for this one fam.

-”if you have kids they have to wear purple.” Luke says one day

-like thats so random but so Luke to say fam

-a Slytherin being an asshole one day and asking Ash where his “crow” is and he beats the crap out of them (also Raven is literally in the name so like ????)

-always being there for Ashton if he gets injured in a Quidditch game

-going over the homework with him for classes he misses while injured and he’s just like “seriously babe give me a break.” but he adores it anyways

-he always tries to get you to come onto the infirmary bed with him but you never do because you’re a lady lol

-he whines sometimes but it’s super cute and always earns him kisses

-everyone knows he’s the corrupter. but in a soft way

-like the time he manages to drag you on top of him on the infirmary bed (despite a broken arm) and then a nurse comes in and is just like “you have to stop letting this Gryffindor corrupt you dearie.”

-and Ashton laughs his ass off because it’s so true

-also lets be real, Ravenclaws are secretly kinky fucks and ya’ll know all kinds of sex stuff and it would shake Ashton to the fucking core cuz holy fuck it was not expected

-this is just cute okay?

[suicidal-bitch-countdown]

Q&A: Getting inside the darkness of my mind part 1

Why are you so hard on yourself?

I have a little phrase for that, ‘dumb bitches need a short lead’. If you don't push yourself, then you'll become too complacent and not really get anywhere at all. You see this happen all the time.

Yes I've also grown up in quite an authoritarian household, with two impossible-to-please parents with unattainable standards, so I don't really know any other way. One that's effective and proven to work anyway. But the idea ‘what if I pulled my weight together harder’ still lingers on all these years later, and that perhaps my Parents had a point after all? If I was good enough things would've been different? Because who treats their child like that and still has a clear conscience?

My Parents are hypocrites as it stands, but nevertheless all the years of conditioning cannot be undone now. Not mentioning if you weren't good enough for your own Parents, how are you meant to be good enough for anyone else?? Exactly.

Also another big reason, and that should be obvious - I'm nearly 25 for Christ's sake - what major, significant things it is that I've achieved? Exactly. At 19 this would've been an acceptable level maybe, but at my age, I'm very far behind, and it's really shameful and disappointing.

Just look at my peers and then look at me: the contrast is stark. All this “late bloomer” crap is no excuse, quite frankly. I must do better.

Last but not least, I'm also very competitive by nature, and want to be the best at something for once. That'd make me feel more accomplished.

Why do you hate yourself so much?

Well, just look at me… It should be obvious, yet somehow it's mainly myself who sees what others are too blind to notice. I'm a monster. To put it in the simplest terms. No good for anything, a waste of space. Mentally ill too - maybe not my fault, but doesn't mean other people aren't hit with its collateral and suffer because of me.

I'm smart you say? Not smart enough to get into Oxbridge, and/or woo someone I fancy, so doesn't cut it for me, it's not good enough.

I'm pretty you say? Really? I have a mirror, and I vocally disagree. She's a bloody mess. I see better looking women in public everyday. Surprised nobody banged up my face yet for daring to walk down the street when being so ugly, but again people don't notice what I see. I guess you'd have to live in my skin every single day to understand. Also, if I was indeed as beautiful as some proclaim, then I wouldn't have been single all my life by the age of almost 25! Now that should clear all doubts…

I've also done too many things that I regret and hurt too many people in the process, and none of that is forgivable as far as I'm concerned...

Do you also place your ridiculously high standards on other people/rest of society?

No, I do not. And I wouldn't do that either.

Why, you might ask. Because other people are different. They aren't failures, they aren't as annoying, awkward, stupid, as I am. The difference is very noticeable to me, for I simply don't belong.

And it's because of who I am, so I must take the brunt of consequences of that. And the strict discipline is the outcome here. If I want to be anywhere near as good as everyone else, I must work hard, and not make any mistakes anymore, for there isn't room for any more now. Back in the day I used to say I've long depleted my life quota of mistakes, and I still stand by this claim. How much wrong can one individual do? C'mon, it's not even funny anymore, let alone acceptable.

Also look. Has the society embraced me for who I am? Nope, most avoid me like the plague. I only lure few kind-hearted, but perhaps naive people to take sympathy or pity on me. But if they knew what I know, they wouldn't try that, they'd run as far they could! To be given a chance, you have to earn it.

And this is what I try to do, but few read it as such, for society is one heck of an unforgiving body...

Why don't you ‘put yourself out there’?

What, go to a sleazy nightclub full of drunks and druggies, too impaired to remember anything? What an uninspiring crowd to find a mate in. I could never.

Also because of my Autism, my nervous system simply cannot cope with it all, I will not only shutdown, I'd also get quite angry as I get overstimulated (sensory overload) and therefore not show the best side of me. No no, you should only go to places you enjoy, and crowded spaces with shitty music don't constitute as a location that I would ever like to be in.

Also my senses are buggered, as I genuinely don't possess the ability to listen over music or loud, complex noises, as everything meshes together in my brain, which is not able to compute.

Honestly, why would anyone willingly put themselves through such an ordeal, just to fit or or impress few irrelevants? It won't be me for sure!

Why don't you just lower your standards?

Ha, if only I could! First of all, it's all hard-wired. It's all deeply rooted in biology: science wins.

Second of all, why would you settle for second best, only to be inevitably disappointed further down the line, miss out on opportunities, waste a chunk of your life, and just generally stick yourself in a life you won't be happy living? C'mon, relationships are for life so you should damn well be picky. How else are you meant to put up with that person for all these years otherwise?

Also, all this is a way of subtly safeguarding myself from disappointment and abuse. And I've had enough of that in my life already.

With recent events taken into consideration, I actually hate myself more than ever. I didn't even know it was possible to loathe myself more than I already did, but clearly it is when you're such an unstable screw-up who ruins the most important friendship you've ever had in your life

Why don't you want to live anymore?

To live virtuously you need a purpose, and mine is to devout to someone that I love. As long as I can do that, I feel happy and fulfilled, and that I'm not wasting my time by sitting idle. If I cannot achieve that, and no longer be doing that, then what's the point? Everything I did was with someone in my mind at the end of the day. To make them smile, or they made it worth it just by being there for me. Until they weren't, and my life as I knew it has imploded once again. Nothing will ever be the same.

Life is meant to be for living, not merely an empty existence, I just cannot function like that.

My family and people who care about me will be better off without me anyway, I'm too high maintenance and overwhelming to keep up with.

My Father once said if I died, they [my Parents] would grieve for a year or two, then simply have another baby. That's the right attitude to follow for the nasty individual that I am; shame they've split just cause that kid would've been better than me in every possible way imaginable.

You should be living life for yourself, not other people

No, that's selfish. I respectfully disagree. Why should I do stuff for myself anyway when I'm already a spoilt ugly bitch, and not much makes me happy? To get goodies you need to earn them first. I haven't at this point, and are very long way from getting anywhere near that point, actually.

I simply take no deep joy from treating myself, for I'm a giver and not really a receiver.

I'm more than aware of my insignificance to know my purpose is to serve others too.

Anyway, self indulgence is for the narcissists and I still seem to need to go out of way to prove that I ain't one at times! Just because people fail to distinguish my autism-related struggles in relating to other people and understanding their emotions, from actual selfishness. No, I'm not a selfish person, I beg. Please point out any actions of mine that may appear narcissistic in nature to me immediately, as there's a big chance I don't even realise. A lot of stuff just doesn't occur to me.

Who knows you the best?

Me, myself and I. Sadly nobody comes anywhere close after. And even then sometimes I don't get myself. I'm genuinely a living contradiction. There are people who think they know me very well (cough Parents), but couldn't be further from the truth.

Funny, the answer would've been different few months ago but how wrong I was……

What would you change about yourself if you could?

The ability to understand other people better. Would make life unbelievably easier for me.

In one sentence, what is your deepest wish/dream/desire?

I just want to be loved back by someone I love.

That's it. That'd complete my happiness. I am genuinely not as needy as I might seem at first.

Yet this seems to be the most unattainable thing in the universe as far as my experience goes.....

[boardbysara]

If this is wrong, I don't wanna be right.

I was doing so good, but today was one of those days where I randomly got sad about the handyman and shed a few tears.

This whole time since we stopped seeing each other, I've been hastily trying to shorten and eliminate the time that I've spent sad about him, because we women get kudo points for not "wasting" any time being sad over a man. Screw him, right? He wasn't worth it anyway. Or so they say.

There is a pervasive cultural movement happening that says you should not want love.

It's all about self-love. You should not need another person in order to be fulfilled.

There's an author on Instagram with 1.1M followers who is publishing an entire book on how you should not be seeking to make your "home" with anyone else but instead inside yourself. That trying to find or make your "home" in someone else is what leads to pain.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, love will always cause you pain. But I do not care how much self-love you have, you will never find any way around that.

If you do, you are not actually loving at all.

And remaining unto yourself such that you never venture bravely into love is death for the soul. COVID-19 has taught us that.

That aforementioned author's forthcoming book is about how to build your home within yourself.

I have built a home within myself. It's where I derive personal fulfillment and contentment, and it's filled with art. It's my visual art, it's my writing, it's my singing, it's my cute outfits, it's my cooking, it's my interior decorating, it's my appreciation for wildlife and nature, it's the way I smile when I go outside to feel the fresh air on my skin. There's so much inside my personal internal home - which is really just my heart.

And I understand this concept of "building your home within yourself' from that point of view - of cultivating fulfillment and contentment on a personal level that doesn't require anyone else, so that when other people let you down, you still have something solid to rely on and turn to. You're not losing yourself.

I get it.

But there is such a danger in this self-love rhetoric that this author and others touting the self-love message don't recognize they are sending which is the message "Don't need anyone. Needing people is bad. Needing people will hurt you. Do not give your heart to others. Protect yourself at all costs."

This underlying message is so incredibly damaging.

This message keeps relationships of any kind at an arm's length and we need intimacy to survive.

You can cultivate personal fulfillment and contentment all you want. You can genuinely appreciate and love yourself and all of your amazing qualities until the cows come home.

But we need people, and we need them close.

PSA: You can have close intimate relationships without massive amounts of pain or co-dependence or losing yourself and your "home" - by using and maintaining BOUNDARIES, people! Boundaries! The concept has been around for decades and yet some people have never heard of them, with MOST people never learning how to use them (sadly.) And that's probably why these incredibly hurtful messages exist.

Because these people who didn't have boundaries got hurt. They retreated, they felt better, and now they are preaching that retreating is the best.

Retreating after emerging from situations in which you got really hurt because you didn't have boundaries will help you feel better. It will help you heal. It can help you cultivate fulfillment within yourself, and it can help you discover the magic of boundaries.

But if you never venture back out into the world of close and intimate relationships you will NEVER heal completely and be 100%.

Want to know why?

Because relationships are how our value is reflected back to us.

We can estimate our own value in our heads and our hearts through cultivating self-fulfillment and contentment all we want, but it will never be enough on it's own because humans inherently need two things to survive and feel true joy:

We need to share all of that love, value, and worth that we've cultivated and appreciated inside of ourselves, and

We need to have our the value that we've personally estimated reflected back to us by other people. Because if it's not, then deep down it always only feels like just a guess. An estimate. An approximation. And you're never really sure.

It's the way you feel when someone greets you with a really big smile and enthusiastic hello - you immediately feel like you hold value.

HUMANS NEED THAT, and COVID has proven it.

Because we've all been going out of our minds with this never-before-experienced deprivation of it.

And P.S., mental health and suicide rates have skyrocketed as a result ESPECIALLY in places where talking about how you're struggling is frowned upon (Japan) - where's it's frowned upon to admit that you need people.

Just like the "self-love" preachers frown upon it.

I have built a beautiful "home" of fulfillment and contentment and self-love and appreciation within myself. But I live alone and now work from home and I realized today (before finding the IG profile of little miss "build your house inside yourself") that even though I have done much better in terms of sustained mental health and functioning than many other people in my situation, I really haven't been feeling like myself - and the reason I don't feel like myself is because I haven't had as much social interaction and therefore have not had the usual intake of my worth being reflected back to myself.

Interacting with people makes me feel better about myself. It boosts my confidence.

(And remember ladies, men love confidence!)

So I've decided two things:

I'm going to wait to date again until my life has returned a little bit more "back to normal" - or, i.e., until I've had time to start living in my new normal - meaning, I've resume in-person interactions (some scheduled to start soon, and others not scheduled to start until June.) I need time to regain that confidence boost and to feel normal again. And this has nothing to do with not loving myself enough!!!

Wanting love and being in intimate relationships in which we give of ourselves is NOT WRONG, IT IS ESSENTIAL!!!!!!!!! I officially rebuke the underlying messages of self-love that tell us that we are wrong for wanting someone else to love us! It does NOT mean that you don't love yourself (as I am 100% certain that I do and 100% capable of being fulfilled by myself and my own magic) and you should too! Just do it with healthy boundaries! And mine have gotten a lot stronger since the handyman, mind you. If nothing else, he was a really strong lesson in healthy boundaries.

Stop feeling bad for wanting love. Stop hiding from people. Stop being a recluse. Stop retreating. Heal, build your personal fulfillment, build your boundaries, and then go back out into the world because you won't survive and TRULY heal until you do.

I've checked all the "self-love" boxes, and I still want love from another human in a romantic context.

Stop believing that it's wrong to need affirmation of your value from other human beings. WE ALL DO. And the only people writing all of that self-love crap pretending that they DON'T are people who are not realizing that the only reason they think they don't is because they are already getting it.

You cannot live without people. You cannot live without love. You cannot live without other people telling you they love you.

None of this is wrong - it is absolutely normal.

Please stop believing that you're doing something wrong by being normal.

You do you. Not what misguided IG preachers tell you to.

(P.S. The best way to do you is to spend quiet time meditating and reflecting on what YOU like/want/need/etc. - which requires turning off all the noise including IG.)

[torchholder247-blog]

Eric L Andrist-the man behind the curtain of baddoctordatabase, bad medicine database on fb, 4Patientsafety and The Patient Safety League

What follows is an exchange with Eric L Andrist (photo bust attached to this site), the man who runs the baddoctordatabase@tumblr.com blog where he re-posts articles about doctors accused of wrongdoing, often adding his own spin to the posts. In the exchange below we removed the doctors name and identifying information as the focus is Who is Eric Andrist? and the defamatory false exposure of Innocent doctors are posted on his sites.

Us: Charges were dismissed against Dr X and his medical license is active and unlimited. Dr X was and remains innocent of the charge.

Andrist: I already posted the newer articles. However, dismissal of charges does NOT necessarily equate to rendering someone "innocent." The article clearly says:

"In an unusual move, Circuit Judge X sealed the probable cause affidavit and case information at the request of Judicial District Prosecuting Attorney X the day before Dr X was taken into custody.

The Order to Seal Affidavit and Information document indicates the record was sealed on the grounds that if released to the public, it could compromise an ongoing investigation. In addition, the release of said information is sensitive, and it is necessary to withhold this information for a short time to ensure the investigations are not impaired."

So clearly there is an ongoing investigation.

Us: Your integrity is appreciated. The citation you post above are from reporters of Online & Bulletin articles of X date. Clearly from that date further 'ongoing' investigations transpired that the State dropped charges and reinstated Dr X's medical license 'in full without restriction'. Those two current legal actions verify 'Innocence' in that surely you are not suggesting that the State would permit the doctor to resume practice otherwise. You posted Dr X to your various social media Bad Doctor related sites solely on the basis of 'the Charge against him' yet 'the Charge against him' has been dismissed..and you now refuse to take down your negative posts. That decision defeats the otherwise good intention of your site. Since the ruling no further investigation of Dr X exists. IF you are suggesting that other persons are part of a current ongoing investigation, that has no relevancy to Dr X. Please reconsider and remove.

Thank you for posting the Online Dismissal article provided to you.

Andrist: Actually, they don't. That's not how the law works. Dropping charges does not equate to innocence. It just means there was not enough evidence to proceed with the charges. The state constantly lets doctors practice when they've done something wrong! We monitor the California Medical Board heavily. We have 3 doctors currently on the Sex Offenders Registry who are practicing with clear records!

My decision to keep up the information does NOT defeat the purpose of my site because he has not been proven innocent...they just gave up proving him guilty.

If you have documentation PROVING innocence, by all means send them to me and I'll post them. But again, dismissing charges does not mean he's innocent. There's a big difference.

In court, even a "not guilty" verdict by a jury does not equate to "innocent" As we saw in the OJ Simpson case, he was found not guilty by a jury, when he was clearly guilty, and later found guilty in a civil trial.

Us: I am trying hard to understand. I get what you are saying about other cases, but am only informed about the case of Dr X. Your website states "'Innocent' until proven guilty", the 'one' charge against Dr X was dismissed, not by the Judge, not by Statute of Limitations, but by the State Prosecutor..resulting in Dr X having no charges against him. He cannot be proven 'guilty' when there is no charge against him..nor any further investigation of him. Therefore based upon your site claims, Dr X is innocent...supporting removing your posts on social media. To take any action otherwise contradicts your website virtue of Innocent Until Proven Guilty...and becomes Guilty Until Proven Innocent. Our legal system is not perfect, but it is based solely upon that same legal system that your website exists.

Andrist: You don't seem to understand what "dismissed" means. Why do you think it relates to innocence? If someone murders their spouse and they get arrested just because they were there at the time, but later the charges are dropped because they simply couldn't find more evidence linking them to the murder, does that mean to you that the person is innocent and didn't kill someone?

Innocent until proven guilty is a phrase that only has meaning in a court of law. In the real world, not so much. People judge people guilty all the time. It's on my website as a disclaimer, not as my own personal belief. I don't put information in my blog personally, I only link to stories that other reporters have already written. The stories about Dr X are other people's words, not mine. It's there for informational purposes.

In the eyes of the "law," he is considered innocent until proven guilty. But in real life, that's not the case. We as people are not bound by the laws of the court to read the facts and make a judgment based on them.

IF he is guilty, don't you think his patients have a right to know the details of this story?

What is your relationship to him?

Us: I understand both 'dismissed' and 'innocence' in both lay terms and legal terms. I also understand human nature as it relates to judging/harming others on an emotional platform. Additionally I saw that your sites were merely re-posting articles written by others. The dialogue between you and I could go on exchanging philosophical views but cutting to the chase..what evidence do you accept to prove 'innocence' of anyone posted to your baddoctor related websites?

Andrist: First, who are you and why are you asking for this? Why isn't the doctor asking me?

Us: No story here, just trying to understand how, as the site manager, to work with you to remove the post and would appreciate your guidance on what is required. Please advise.

Andrist: Well, I won't continue the conversation until I know who you are and your motives. I've been contacted by companies before who did this same thing who were paid by the doctor to clean the internet. They gave me all kinds of lies trying to get me to take a post down including bribe money. They told me the doctor was proven innocent. Then I checked with the DA's office and it was all lies. So if you want to continue the conversation, come clean.

Us: I can't be held accountable for what others do. As you can attest, I have done nothing but provide you with updated Source data (articles, legal docs) to support a reasonable request. You claim you have 'no relationship' with the folks that submit to your sites, accordingly it is illogical to require otherwise of me. My request of what constitutes 'Proof of Innocence' to you is straight forward. Without knowing your requirements, the tasks is unreachable...as from a legal platform I have already provided you adequate documentation to satisfy my request.

Andrist: Sure it is. It's my blog, I can do what I want with it. I need to know where information comes from and if it's from a person, the motives for it. You could be lying for all I know. And no, you have not provided me anything to satisfy your request. You seem to think that a dismissal equates to innocence.

If he did the things he's accused of, why should his patients not have access to the information so they can decide for themselves? Why would you want to take that away from them?

Us: With all due respect, I ask again, what would satisfy you to establish Proof of Innocence? or is your site unamenable to ever removing a post?

Andrist: Sorry, I'm done talking if you're not going to tell me who you are.

Have the doctor contact me himself.

Us: I am sorry also. You could have simply told me that you never remove anyone once you make a post.

Andrist: Why would I say that if it's not true. I've taken a doctor down when he was able to convince me of his innocence. You've convinced me of nothing except being a busy body.

Us: Name calling, really? If what you now say was true, you would easily provide your site requirements to prove innocence. There would be no motivation not to produce the requirements, yet you refuse.

Andrist: What's wrong with name calling if it fits? I don't have to provide anything. I'm a patient safety advocate, my allegiance is to the public not the bad doctors. You're asking me for a favor, I gave you the requirements for me to proceed, and you've chosen not to. You'r choice. I've refused nothing...you just don't want to play.

Us: You are partially right, this is not a game. Your site while it does serve a great public good when the doctor is 'guilty', it is negligent to have no clear protocol for the wrongly accused to clear their name, given the harm your site causes the innocent..who are 'also' part of the public you say you serve. For that portion of the posts, the innocent, however small it may be, your website does a great injustice. But that does not matter to you, it's all about the game and power. Sad.

[punkscowardschampions]

Ali & Ro

Ali: Soooooo Ali: How'd your date go? Ro: I'm not sure who you meant to send this too, but perhaps try again? Ro: You can't mean me Ali: Coy, that's how you're playing it, I see Ali: Solid choice 😉 Ali: You and Drew musta been agonising over coffee options then Ro: What are you talking about, Ali? Ro: It was just a coffee stop for everyone, rehearsal fuel Ro: You know full well I've never been on a date Ali: I know full well that was just a ploy for some alone time with you Ali: and not yet but it is so clearly on the cards! Ali: I'd start dropping hints now, otherwise who knows where you'll end up Ro: Don't be ridiculous? Drew isn't remotely interested in me like that Ro: Why would he be? He has his pick of girls at school, and beyond the gates, too I'm sure Ali: Because you're you and he should be so lucky Ali: A bombshell with brains to boot Ali: Yeah, he's got a rep but he's being uncharacteristically sweet with you so, taking him at face value Ali: Anyway Ali: What do YOU think of him? More importantly Ro: Oh no no, this isn't a transformation story whereby I take off my glasses or get my braces taken off finally and am suddenly considered good enough for the protagonist Ro: Besides, I'm not even smart, just a hard worker Ro: Most importantly, he's always sweet with Meena so it's hardly uncharacteristic Ro: Other than knowing him as her kind older brother and Caleb's friend I really don't, know him that is Ali: Oh hush ignoring the fact that art is always a poor imitation of life and not the other way 'round Ali: He's love interest #1 at best, potential to be more if he sticks to his lines Ali: You're the loveable protagonist, silly Ali: Hmpf, fine. Would you like to know him better then? Ro: Of course, like I said, he's kind and sweet and Caleb's proven himself to be a good judge of character Ro: I just fail to see why he'd be interested in getting to know me, beyond being civil to me for the aforementioned reasons of mutual connections with important people Ro: He's Drew Goldsmith and I'm me Ro: We're incompatible given even the little we are both aware of concerning each other Ali: Well, I dunno about that, I think he's a fool and my evil plan is working 😏😂 Ali: Because he fancies you Ali: Potentially Ali: This stuff can defy usual logic, for better or worse, opposites CAN attract or repel in the case of humans Ali: But he wants to find out, I know this practically for a fact (of course, I haven't asked, don't worry) so its up to you to decide if you do too Ro: I have no idea what you believe you possess in terms of knowledge about his attractions or intentions but I highly doubt you're right in so far as him fancying me Ro: Sorry to say Ro: He may look like Connla of the Golden Hair but I am by no means a fairy maiden Ro: If only I could be noble born, never grow old or indeed never die Ali: Have you forgotten what happened to the last person to question my omniscience, sister? 🤔🍄💀😉 Ali: And have you also forgotten who and what you are, 'just because they told us too Ali: Cannot believe what I'm hearing here, I refuse to! Ro: of course I haven't Ro: but perhaps I should try and grow up, or at least be more realistic, when it comes to this Ali: Never! We do live in those green and pleasant hills after-all Ali: Won't stroke his ego as hard as to say UNLIMITED pleasures await but Ali: Everyone is positively like a silly child when it comes to love Ro: It isn't love though and therein lies the issue Ro: Simply a silly crush on my part and polite interest on his Ali: It rarely is at first sight Ali: and there's nothing polite about how keen he is Ali: See where it takes you, that's all Ali: he's clearly going to be hanging 'round jam seshs' and the like as long as you're about so whatever it will be, its inevitable Ro: I thought it would be, the whole charade of fireworks when our eyes collide and butterflies in my stomach. Everything clear and definite Ro: I'm afraid of whatever this is Ali: That's just horniness Ali: You just have better restraint than romance novel writers, is all Ali: Its aright to be afraid, its new and unknown Ali: Here be monsters Ro: Well that is comforting, especially if it ensures I won't fall as hard and fast as those heroines do Ro: particularly if I'm destined to do so alone Ro: Okay...but what if the monster is revealed to be me, in his eyes anyway, what if he gets to know me and doesn't like what he discovers Ali: Sure it was the corsets, poor girls could barely breathe, makes swooning all the more likely, those dastardly dandies! Ali: Then he's as bad, and ignorant (and MORE scared of the unknown than you feel right now), as every explorer who wrote natives off as savages Ali: You are far from a monster in every sensible definition Ali: Misunderstanding maketh monsters Ali: So that'd be on him, can't control other's perceptions but he isn't going to think you are, there's just no reason to Ro: I know you're right but Ro: I just suppose I wish I could control something Ali: I know Ali: Well, one thing you can control is your yay or nay to whatever he's offering up Ali: Not suggesting you have to make the first move, or put it all out on the line, 'cos he definitely will Ali: #gentleman Ro: That much is definite Ro: We should call another rehearsal, allow you to guide my vision to where yours currently reside so I'm not blindsided Ro: because I'm just not seeing what he wants with me Ali: Absolutely Ali: I'm really feeling the whole band thing too Ali: Are you enjoying it? Ro: Unexpectedly so, yes Ali: Right? I think everyone is Ali: Its something Ro: I've never played in front of that many people outside of a recital setting, I thought I'd mess up but it wasn't like that at all Ro: And everyone there seemed really into it Ro: Who knew there was so much respective talent surrounding us? Ali: Mess ups are more than welcome but you're flawless Ali: Me me me! 😊 Ali: Toying around with the idea of doing some local performances Ro: Flawless was you and Caleb Ro: I've never heard your voice so complimentary in a duet before, don't tell Marlene Ro: Oh? I think the others would be into that Ali: 💕 Ali: Might get her so raging she'd have to join us to prove you wrong Ali: I know it probably sounds a bit soon but like you said, performances are so different to practice and whatnot Ali: People would vibe Ali: There's all the places I've done solo, they'd be chill, and you know Suggs? Left School this year gone Ali: He's having a big Bday party for his gf and he's asked if I could do something Ro: Terrifying as it'd be to make a possible enemy of her, she's a very good bassist Ro: Very true, and too much practice can make it sound too rehearsed which clearly isn't what you're going for with this Ro: I heard Caleb talking to Drew about potentially performing at the restaurant so he'd be excited for sure Ro: Hm...I'm not certain I know who you mean but a gig's a gig Ro: Would he be alright with you bowing out as a soloist? Ali: She is Ali: She's gonna come around on her own tho, I know her Ali: She's just pouting Ali: Understandably, I'm not being as glib as I sound, just, we weren't right Ali: Exactly! That would be chill, you've gotta come thru with me just to get food, it's delicious and its beautiful Ali: Yeah, of course, one person can only rock out so hard solo Ali: Even if that one person is me Ali: Like, Bowie had a band, ya feel? Ro: I trust you and your intuition Ro: When's the party? Ro: I need to mentally prepare Ali: ✌ Ali: we've got 2 weeks to prep, assuming he doesn't get his arse dumped Ali: awkies, want us to play you out honey? 😂 Ro: Funeral march for his ego Ro: If the stars are good to me I'll make 2 weeks of wishes Ro: Should suffice Ali: Brilliant Ali: I'll check our charts Ali: Pull out some eyelashes if necessary Ali: The stars will fall and align for us Ro: I have faith Ro: Have you told the others yet? Ali: I haven't actually, I'll drop it in the group chat later Ali: Seeing Caleb tonight so I'll discuss the finer points with him then Ro: Good idea Ro: Oh yes, I'd forgotten it's your date night! Ali: As long as he hasn't we'll be fine 😋 Ro: Have you done his chart? If not he has perfect eyelashes to steal Ali: Not yet Ali: Been getting quizzed myself by his Ma Ali: Fair 'nuff but no time to sneak in so hey Ms Cavante, where was Caleb born and at what time exactly? #witchgirlproblems Ro: How very unfair Ro: Tonight could be the night Ro: I've already got the cards out here, questioning myself Ro: The spread's favorable for the party to go well for us as performers Ro: [Sends her a picture of the tarot] Ali: Knew we'd ace it but with the fates on our side we CANNOT fail Ali: are you asking about the Drew sitch? Ro: Perhaps Ali: I got you Ali: Keep it between you and the universe 💖 Ro: OH what are we going to wear for our first performance? Ali: THE BEST BIT Ali: We need to plan! Ali: Maybe shop! Ali: I think the party is a masquerade ball (how sweet for a hapless stoner, right?) Ali: We could run with that Ro: Well now I'm enthused Ro: Pencil me into your diary please Ali: Absolutely Ali: I think we could make better masks than we could ever find Ali: or makeup looks Ali: we will workshop this Ro: Agreed, you could create something amazing overnight Ali: We could go out and forage fresh flowers for it Ali: that would look beautiful Ro: Yes! Oh my god, we have to Ali: Perfection Ali: I'll see what the others want too Ali: Maybe we could go a galaxy glitter/paint moment on the guys but I feel like Meena would fosho want in on this floral faerie moment Ro: If you need me to start pressing any of the flowers let me know Ro: I'll make time Ali: You're an 👼 Ali: We can do it over lunch Ali: in between practicing Ali: Such busy 🐝s Ro: I don't mind I like to stay busy Ro: Do you think Drew will come to the party? Ali: Same tbh Ali: I bet he will Ali: And not to show off his musical prowess, bless him Ro: Do we need a name to perform under if we don't just want to be called 'Ali's band' by the host? Ali: Fantastic point, I don't want to be THAT lead singer Ali: So much to think on, oosh! We'll have to put the feelers out in the group chat Ali: should be something we all vibe Ro: I bet the boys will have some interesting ideas Ro: You should speak to Tommy as well, he's learn so much stage stuff at school Ro: If we're going to do this might as well make it look professional I think Ali: Agreed Ali: As long as he doesn't want to choreograph a whole girl group dance routine for us Ro: Imagine! Ro: I'd have to hide behind the piano Ali: Shy yet sultry keyboard girl prerogative Ali: I'll crowd surf my way outta there Ro: How long of a set are we going to play? Ro: There's so many potential covers not to mention the originals you and Caleb both have written Ali: Oh man Ali: we could do 20 like an opener but we are the main act, as it were, but its not that hardcore Ali: I think we could put together a 60 Ro: I hope we can all agree between us Ali: we will Ali: oh, could you cover for me with Ma tonight? Ali: she's not my bestie rn Ro: Of course Ro: I have a rare night free of any babysitting duties so it'll be simple Ali: Good, you deserve a break from the little demons Ali: I hope a book and a bubble bath are on the cards after you calm down the dragon Ro: They are indeed Ro: Perhaps I can suggest the same for her Ali: Perhaps I'm just giving myself away as twisted but that is a hilarious mental image Ali: Her grumpy face peeking out of a bubble beard Ro: Ali don't that's going to stay with me when I do get in the tub Ro: Oh no Ali: 🙊🙈 Ali: I can only apologize Ro: Cleansing that from my thoughts immediately Ro: Are you coming home at all or just straight out to see Caleb? Ali: If I do, catch me creeping up the stairs Ali: She's not been this pissy since Lachlan Ali: She's so SURE Caleb is like that and its just Ali: hilarious Ali: imagine Ro: Once she gets to know him better she'll change her mind Ro: She has to Ali: She SHOULD but will she? Ali: Stubborn old goat 😂 Ali: He's not going anywhere any time soon so if she wants to pine for Marlene that's on her but Ali: 🤷 Ro: I'll start counting cars to wish on just for her (and you), hold my breath, dig out my baby teeth, everything Ro: She just doesn't want to be a grandmother yet is all, it's no slight on Caleb personally I don't believe Ali: My vagina my choice, Mama Ali: Bless her Ali: It'd be fine if she threw out the same level of concern at...oh, idk Ali: Bea and Fraze Ali: 🙄 Ro: If she could secure us all same sex relationships she would, undoubtedly Ro: Likewise, if there was any feasible way to show Bea concern that she'd allow it'd be done Ali: When your kids don't have the good grace to be gay #gutted Ali: Yeah Ali: I need lessons on how to be a bad bitch, clearly Ro: Please don't take any lessons from Bea Ali: Its okay, I don't think she'd be willing to teach me Ro: Very true Ali: Best kept secrets and all that Ro: Speaking of, I've just received a text and must go Ali: Say no more Ali: run baby run 💚 Ro: Have fun tonight Ro: Bluebeard and I will try not to miss you too much Ali: Aww, I'll be home for snuggles lads Ali: wouldn't wanna get pregnant Ali: Laterz Ro: See you soon xx

[pippa-writes]

I was never a fan of the 'cold guy turns nice' plotline, but honestly, I think Mr Darcy is made a very good exception for me because Elizabeth DOESN'T STAND FOR HIS RUDENESS! How many women in fiction or romcoms these days just passively wait for a man to change into a Prince Charming, and how many take a more realistic approach and refuse to go out with the narcissistic guy?

It's the fact that Elizabeth doesn't swoon and fall for Darcy's half-hearted attempt at his first proposal - and she even goes as far as to basically say "no, why would I court you, all you've been is rude and cold, get out!' - that makes him go and reconsider how he treats people. And when he realises he was wrong to have said and done a lot of the things he did, not only to Elizabeth, but also to the people of his past, he actively goes and makes ammends.

But he goes to Elizabeth last. He makes right his wrongs so that he can earn her affections, so that she can fall in love with him when he has something to be proud of. He wants to make her see that she is redeeming him, and even though he's never going to be perfect, he can and will be a better person, even if she refuses him again. He knows that honesty is the way to go now and I assume it makes him feel better about himself and the world. And guess what? His actions and change of heart are rewarded. Elizabeth happily accepts because he has proven he isn't just a narcissistic a$$hole. His actions have spoken louder than his words.

We can contrast this with the age-old scenario of a guy and girl (I'm using hetrosexual comparisons here simply because this is where it most occurs and Pride and Prejudice is our control for this experiment) arguing, then one of them storming off, and then ten minutes later, usually after involving a best friend (it's all faily realistic up until this point), the guy comes back and swears undying love and they kiss in the snow or the rain and live happily ever after.

Ok. That's nice? But they both said some pretty horrible things and probably accused each other of things they didn't do and only have assumptions about the other person's wrongdoings. But they don't truly apologise (ok, yes, there are exceptions, but overall) and do they really feel bad about what they did? They say they're sorry in long confessions meant to make the audience, and love interest, swoon and forgive them, but words are words are words. I say I'm going to study every evening and make revision notes and yet here I am (hiya). What do they actively do to make those words a reality?

In short, Darcy's character might be a sterotype and trope, but only because others have tried to recreate him and failed. You cannot have Darcy pulling the stunts some modern men might. The reason people love the original character is because of what he does and how he comes to realise that other people have feelings and you have to be careful with them. That's the love story of Pride and Prejudice! Women don't, and never have, truly loved the guy who tries to walk all over them, and if a women writer of the 19th century wrote a female protag who wasn't going to stand for that ish, what excuse do modern writers have?

Don't change Darcy to 'suit' your audience; we'll choose the redeemable guy over the one who gives that great big speech full of flowery language with no gestures to prove it any day.

There's a reason P&P is still read and adored almost two hundred years later.

i just read a washington post article on romcoms aging poorly due to the pushiness (and oft-stalkery conduct) of the male characters therein, and it got me thinking about pride and prejudice, and specifically darcy saying, “one word from you will silence me on this subject forever.”

because, like, that’s the seldom-portrayed romantic dream in the patriarchal hellscape that is our world, isn’t it?

a dude being willing to say, “i understand if you don’t feel the same way about me, and i’ll leave you alone forever about this if my attention is unwanted.”

so simple, yet so wonderful in its basic human decency