#I'm not saying I'm much better bc I'm aware I'm not. but I'm trying! really hard! probably too hard which is why I'm constantly in shambles.

[deviousdiesel]

.

[daz4i]

truly i need to stop getting angry over the opinions of stupid people who keep themselves ignorant on purpose. AND YET!

[omarfor-orchestra]

I do think people who work in the field should roast the show because it was supposed to bring attention to some kind of realities that get ignored more often than everything else and it became a soap opera instead but consider. I like it.

[go-fornicate-yourself]

Every day I am in the trenches fighting for my life defending this poor man. He was going through so much and people online demonize him and say he's as bad as his abuser

(I've got a lot of thoughts about this so I'll make sure to separate things to make it easier to look at lol)

Curly is a victim of abuse. Jimmy is his abuser. This is something that I feel a lot of people tend to brush over or don't acknowledge it often.

And I'm not just talking about post-crash. Jimmy's abuse of Curly is there pre-crash too. The party scene where the crew learns about the company going under is a huge example of this. Jimmy verbally abuses him, he gaslights him, he blames him for their (his) misfortune. Jimmy accuses Curly of thinking he's better than everyone (better than him), that he doesn't care about them (about him). That he's going leave them (leave him). Which is not true. Curly tries to explain himself but Jimmy shuts him down and he just takes it.

The fact that he just allows this to happen makes it seem like he's used to this... That this kind of behavior is a recurring thing with Jimmy. And the fact that nobody else tries to defend him or stands up to Jimmy just normalizes it for him. When Anya tells Curly what Jimmy did it catches him off guard. Bc he genuinely didn't think that his friend was capable of that. It wasn't something that was obvious to him. There were absolutely many red flags in the past but they were subtle enough for him to not see them bc he cares for Jimmy, he trusts him. Jimmy's the only one he feels he can open up to, who he can let his guard down with. Jimmy's his home. That's how close they are.

Because of this deep love for his friend and the subtlety of Jimmy's cruelty, he doesn't see the constant verbal and emotional abuse as what it is: abuse. Which is why he finds Jimmy's abuse towards Anya so shocking and jarring.

He isn't a man covering for his rapist friend bc of the 'bro code'. It does look like that from a certain angle and it's understandable why people see it that way but that's not what his character is really about as much as it makes sense otherwise.

He's essentially a battered housewife who's still in love with her husband but is realizing for the first time that the man she loves is a monster. That the man she loves and devoted her life to has been hurting her this whole time and she didn't even realize it. That the man she loves and spent so much of her life caring for has gone and hurt someone else. That he's most likely hurt others before and she's been utterly unaware of it the entire time she defended him and made excuses for him when he wasn't the best or the fairest or the most responsible or when he screwed up yet again solely bc of how much she loved and cared for him.

And Curly barely had any time to process ANY of that before Jimmy decided to try and kill them all to avoid the consequences of his actions. It was ultimately a selfish act even if he thought he wasn't just doing it for himself. Jimmy is selfish and needs to be in control or he loses it. He cares for Curly. He loves him. Curly's done so much for him. Curly's the only one who understands him, who doesn't hate him. Curly's his home. He resents how 'successful' he is but that's only bc he thinks so highly of him. He constantly puts himself down and put Curly on a pedestal and worships him while simultaneously mistreating him.

He treats his best friend like shit, he's awful to him. But he's not aware that this is the case or maybe he's in denial about it. He can't or just refuses to see how he's doing all of what he does for himself in the end. He justifies his attempt to kill them all (to himself and to Curly) by claiming he's doing this for them both. That if they were to get back to earth it would all be Curly's fault, that it'll ruin his life and career... despite the fact he had basically nothing to do with Anya's abuse. Jimmy's shifting the blame on him while acting like he cares for him. Well, he does genuinely care for him but clearly not nearly enough to not mistreat him or use him as a scapegoat for his own guilt.

Jimmy is the rapist, Jimmy is the one who does all of these horrible things. And yet it's highly likely that Curly would just blame all of it on himself bc that's exactly what Jimmy did to him. He's in so deep he can't see the facts of the situation.

It takes abuse victims so long to come to terms with their abuse. It takes time and reflection to see things with an unbiased and healthy perspective. Abuse (especially years of it) isn't just something you can just escape. It consumes you and can twist your reality. Curly had about a week or less to process all of it and then take action in a way that protected his crew and abided by Pony Express' guidelines. Dealing with something this serious in a setting that makes resolving it extremely difficult in a practical sense is already hard.

There were no locks on any of the doors except for medical and the cockpit. They couldn't just kill him. There was nowhere they could detain Jimmy that wouldn't involve corporate potentially penalizing the entire group. They could have used the cryopods but then there'd only be three available for any actual emergency and there were already five crew members and four pods in total. Also, I doubt corporate would be 'okay' with them using the cryopods for anything other than their intended purpose. Hell, even if they were able to make it back to earth without any incidents there's a good chance that corporate would consider the situation 'poor team synergy' and collectively punish the entire crew for Jimmy's actions.

So on top of having to deal with an already difficult situation, Curly has to grapple with the realization that Jimmy a: abused Anya, b: has been abusing him as well (for a very long time too), and c: has probably abused others before Anya and he had no idea about it. He needed to act but he didn't and it doomed all of them.

But it's so unrealistic (maybe even cruel) to put that much pressure on someone, force them through an utterly earth-shattering realization, and then expect them to do the correct/right/responsible thing in that moment. It's a little ironic how people vilify him for that when other characters do the same thing that nobody blames for it.

Anya is the ship's nurse. Curly is the ship's captain. They both have duties and responsibilities on board the Tulpar. She has to keep the crew healthy and safe and is the only one with enough medical knowledge to do so. He has to make sure that everything goes well and goes according to procedure. He's responsible for the crew, the cargo, and even the ship itself. Both positions are integral and require a lot of responsibility to do properly

They're both put through distressing and traumatic situations where due to them being human people with emotions and fears that make them essentially avoid their responsibility/doing what's required of them.

Curly has a freeze response and doesn't act when he should have when it was crucial to have done so. Anya has a fawn response and essentially puts her patient in danger and harm's way. She knew full well what Jimmy was capable of. She experienced it herself and she witnessed it happening to Curly as well. And yet she allows Jimmy to be alone with Curly while being fully aware of how dangerous he is. Which she shouldn't have, that wasn't the 'right' thing to do. Keeping him safe was her responsibility.

But Anya's human. She's going through a lot at the moment. She's terrified of Jimmy and she's trying to appease him so he doesn't hurt her again. It's a natural very understandable thing to do even if it's not the 'right' or 'responsible' thing. They failed each other when they needed each other most and I think that's the most tragic part of it. If anything, all of them failed each other in some way, shape, or form.

So it's incredibly frustrating to see people give Anya so much sympathy and grace for doing something so human yet still 'wrong' but then turn around and give Curly none of that for doing essentially the same thing she does.

I don't know for sure if it's actually because Curly is a man or if it's only part of it or maybe some people just lack that sense of awareness but it's depressing and frustrating as fuck as a male victim of sexual violence and abuse to see this kind of behavior and this much victim blaming towards a character who is undeniably a victim of abuse like I am.

[leashybebes]

Hi! Love your work so much! I have a very vague prompt and it’s just Tommy being emotionally vulnerable with Buck. Idc what about I just need this man in tears please and thanks.

well this got longer than intended! i've skimmed over it but basically banged it out in fifteen minutes bc turns out i also need this man in tears

When the bubble pops six weeks after Tommy walked out of the loft, it's not at all what Buck was expecting. He'd hoped for an 'I'm sorry', an 'I was wrong', an 'I want you back'. In bitter moments, he'd even hoped for Tommy to say something really dickish so Buck could just hate him and get on with his life. Hell, even a random string of letters that Buck could interpret as an accident or an attempt to open the lines of communication depending on his mood.

What he gets is:

I've been going to therapy

Finally, right?

I hate it

And then radio silence for the better part of an hour. Buck is about to tear his hair out. He drafts and doesn't send half a dozen responses. The loft smells of chocolate cake by the time the next message comes through.

Sorry, call.

Tell me to get lost, it's fine. But I was wondering if we could talk. I owe you an explanation.

Buck reads it twice, takes the cake out of the oven to cool. Scrolls back up to read the messages from the start. Later, once the cake is filled with sharp redcurrant jelly and covered in a perhaps overly generous layer of toffee buttercream, he picks up his phone again.

I owe you an explanation is glaring at him.

Yeah you do, he sends back. Come over when your shift is done.

The reply is almost instant:

Thank you. 2 hrs.

Two hours suddenly feels like both not enough time to prepare, and far too much time to tie himself up in knots. He deep cleans the kitchen, makes a shopping list, checks in with Maddie. He doesn't mention that he's going to see Tommy.

Somehow, two hours pass in the blink of an eye and Buck realizes - he has no idea what he's going to say. He's spent the last month and a half trying with everything in him not to call Tommy, and he's just now realizing he has no idea what he would have said if he'd given into the urge. Maybe he just wanted to hear the guy's voice, and now he's about to, and he has no idea what to do with himself.

The knock at the door makes him jolt, and that's it, there's no more time to think. His first thought when he opens the door is that it's not fair that Tommy looks so good. He has no business looking so good. His hair is freshly trimmed, those greys at his temple that admittedly send Buck a little feral sparkling in the low light of the hall, his favorite blue Henley soft and stretched across the bulk of his chest, his eyes - Buck's whole train of thought derails because he looks again and Tommy looks - scared. Sad. Like he's holding back from flinching by the skin of his teeth.

"Hey, Tommy."

"Hi, Evan."

Evan, he notes. Steps back. Waves Tommy inside. Tries not to notice the way Tommy's face crumples a little as he steps over the threshold.

"Never thought I'd be here again," he says.

"Me either," Buck admits. "Well, after the first couple weeks when I - " When I sat around and waited for you to come back and tell me you made a mistake. He bites his tongue. Much as he wants to be real bitchy about this, Tommy looks like he is on the edge, and nothing in Buck wants to make that worse.

"You want a coffee?"

"Uh. Sure," Tommy says, and it gives Buck the opportunity to turn his back, to breathe. He's achingly aware of Tommy behind him, of the gravity of his presence, the sound of his breathing (a little shaky), the slight creak as he takes a seat. Buck still has the stupid almond milk and the stupid syrup Tommy likes in his stupid candy flavored coffee, has been buying the former on reflex and can't bring himself to use the latter and taste Tommy's kisses without the man himself. He makes the coffee, even cuts Tommy a slice of cake, and dumps them both in front of him.

Tommy blinks down at the cake, up at Buck. "You made that?"

"Yeah," Buck says. "Been getting real into baking since - well, since."

"Oh." Tommy chews on his lip, looks away again.

"Every time I wanna call you, I bake," Buck admits, the words falling into the silence between them with more weight than they deserve given how ridiculous they are, really.

Tommy glances up at him. "Yeah?"

Buck swivels, pulls open the door to his fridge which is still groaning under the weight of saran wrapped loaves and cakes and tupperwares full of cookies.

"That's - that's a lot."

Buck shrugs. "Yeah, well."

The silence is painful. Awkward in a way they've never really been with each other. Buck throws himself down onto the stool opposite Tommy, tries not to think about how this is exactly where they were sitting when - when. From the look on his face, the way Tommy can't meet his eyes, he's thinking the exact same thing. This is - it's the worst, Buck thinks miserably.

"So, therapy, huh?" he blurts out.

Tommy nods, takes a deep breath. "After I left that night, I - I drove to the movie theater."

Buck blinks. That is…not what he was expecting. "Uh…"

"Bought a ticket and everything. Realized on my way in that that's - that's not normal. Nothing I did that night was normal. You - you made me so happy, and I blew that up the second it sounded like maybe you wanted something long-term. That - that's not normal. The way I think about - about relationships, about love, about myself. It's not normal."

Buck feels like he's holding his breath.

"So I went home. Drank a couple of beers. Psyched myself up. Booked an appointment for the next day."

"That's…" Buck doesn't know what to say. "That's quick."

"Yeah. I don't - " Tommy looks away. Buck can't see it, but he can tell that he's bouncing his leg anxiously. "I wanna stop being a fucking - a wrecking ball. I wanna stop hurting people, stop hurting myself, but it feels like it's all I do."

Buck can't bite his tongue quick enough. "You make choices, Tommy."

Tommy nods and shrinks in on himself. "I know that. I do. It doesn't feel like it, but I do. I get scared and I make the worse choice every time because it's easier than being brave, and I tell myself it's the only choice but - it's not. I know that. I do know that. I'm - I'm so fucked up, Evan."

His eyes are swimming with tears and Buck knows he's no better. Everything in him is screaming at him to reach out, but he clenches his hands together under the table to stop himself. This is - this is maybe the most real Tommy's ever been with him, maybe the most real he's seen Tommy be with himself, and Buck doesn't want to interrupt it, even as every part of him wants to gather Tommy up to him and soothe him and promise him everything's okay. Everything's so far from okay. He watches Tommy take a few deep breaths, recognises the pattern and the count from his own therapy sessions.

"My - my dad - you know, he's an asshole. But he wasn't always. He and my mom - they were so in love. I mean, stars in their eyes, to the exclusion of everything and everyone else, they adored each other. Even before she died, I didn't - there wasn't space for me in there. And after - I guess I remind him of what he lost. They loved each other, and it hurt me. Abby loved me, and I hurt her. I loved N - Nick, and he h - hurt me. I - "

Tommy clears his throat wetly and looks away while Buck thinks who the fuck is Nick and how do I break his kneecaps?

"You what, Tommy?" he asks instead, and it comes out gently.

"I love you," Tommy says, and Buck pretends he isn't paying attention to the tense, pretends his heart isn't rabbiting inside his chest. "I love you, and I hurt us both and I'm - I'm poison, Evan, I'm nothing but sharp edges but I swear I'm trying not to be and I know it's too late but I'm so - I'm so sorry, I'm so - "

He's fully crying now, trying to hide his face in his hands and Buck can't hold back anymore, closes the space between them and gets his arms around the bulk of Tommy's shoulders where they're shaking.

"Don't," Tommy begs, his whole body tightening, so tense Buck's worried something is going to snap. "Don't - d - don't - I don't deserve - "

"Shh," Buck says, pressing his face into Tommy's hair and stopping himself from making it a kiss at the last second. "I don't care what you think you deserve, just let me hold you, okay? Just let me."

Tommy cries harder, soaking Buck's shirt, and Buck doesn't know how long it goes on for but suddenly Tommy's holding him too, clinging in a way he never has before, in a way that feels desperate and fierce and heartbroken.

"It's okay," Buck promises in spite of himself. He strokes his fingers over the short cropped hairs on the nape of Tommy's neck. "I've got you, it's okay. Just try to breathe, baby, you're gonna make yourself sick."

Baby slips out without any intention on his part, but Tommy doesn't seem to notice, just heaves in a hitching, gulping breath, then another, and another. He shifts in Buck's arms, pulling away and Buck lets him. He doesn't retreat to his own seat though, doesn't feel right to put any distance between them while Tommy presses the heels of his hands into his eyes like he can force the tears back inside.

"I'm sorry," he says, when he's a little calmer. "I've got no right - "

"Stop, okay. Just - stop being so horrible to yourself."

Tommy nods. "Yeah. Working on that. I know - I know it's too late, and I swear I didn't come here with the intention of - of crying all over you and making you feel bad for me. I just - I wanted you to know that I'm sorry, and I know that I fucked up real bad. I know - like I said, I know it's too little, too late, but I want you to know I'm working on - on being better."

Buck chews on the inside of his lip clearly for a second too long because Tommy gives a sharp little nod.

"That's all I wanted to say," he says, pushing back from the table and starting to stand. "I'll get out of your - "

"Sit your ass down," Buck says, a little rougher than he intended. Tommy does as he's told, blinking rapidly and Buck pushes away from the table, paces across the kitchen and back again.

"Evan…"

"Shut up. If you keep making decisions for me, I'm gonna - I'm gonna start throwing loaves at your head."

Tommy makes a noise that's half laugh, half sob, and Buck fights back the tiny grin that's tugging at his mouth.

"You - you really think you're this irredeemable asshole that doesn't deserve to be happy, don't you?"

Tommy shrugs, looks away. "If the shoe fits…"

Buck whirls around, yanks open the fridge, grabs the first loaf he sees. "This is coffee and walnut. It's dense. Last warning, jackass."

Tommy's laugh is more distinct this time. "Evan. Okay. Yes, I think that. But I'm - I'm working on not."

"Okay. Okay. So - so work on it." He puts the loaf down. "Work on it, and take me on a date."

Tommy looks like he's being rebooted without warning. "You can't be serious."

"Why not?"

"I - "

"Tell me why I can't be serious."

"Because! Because I'm - I'm a mess. I hurt you. I left."

"You came back," Buck counters. "Even if it was only to apologize."

"You deserve better."

"I want you."

"I don't - I don't know when I'll be - better than I am."

"You're better today than the day you left. You're here."

"Evan…"

"Yes or no, Tommy. Take me on a date."

"I - "

"Yes or no."

"Yes. Please, yes."

Buck exhales for what feels like the first time in weeks. "Okay. Okay. That's a start."

He puts the loaf back in the fridge, takes Tommy's coffee away to reheat it, and the whole time he can feel Tommy's eyes on him, watching him like he's something precious.

[mysicklove]

cw: sub! gojo, heavy edging and then heavy overstimulation, hand job, crying, lots of crying and withering, gojo being cute bc i love him

wc: 1.1k

a/n: wrote this in like 30 mins. good for me. and techically by my standards this is a fic, not a drabble bc its more than 1k. wooooah

"Make it stop!" Gojo yelps, throwing his head back against the headboard, heaving as sweat drips down his temple. His lower half was naked, and he was wearing just a simple white t-shirt, now slightly sticking to his chest from the heat.

You pull back your hand, admiring the globs of precum on it. You bring it to your mouth, kitten licking it and groaning. "You really need to eat better Satoru. Taste so bad."

"Please," He breathes, eyes lidded and watery. You take another glance at his groin, his cock weeping against his stomach. It's flushed red, dripping pathetically, but other than that, cute.

He has been just one stroke from reaching his high a total of five times now. His body has grown tired, slumped against the headboard, and twitching occasionally.

You watch his hand grab your wrists, and you raise your eyebrows, intrigued by the action. He doesn't say anything, aware of your gaze but choosing to ignore it as he cups your hand into a makeshift hole and brings it back to his cock.

You chuckle at him, letting him do what he wants for a moment. He bucks his hips up into it, eyes slightly rolling back from the feeling. It glides down without much trouble, his precum from earlier lubing his entire length, and making a lewd sort of squelching noise.

He doesn't say anything because he knows he's moments from cumming. In fact, he doesn't even make eyecontact with you, trying to almost sneak by.

It was cute, pathetic and stupid, but cute. You pull your hand away when you see his body begin to curl over.

His mouth hangs open in a broken gasp and his hands twitch. He buries them into the sheets before he gets the idea of trying to touch himself. "Y-Y'know I love you, but I fucking hate you right now," He murmurs, blue eyes peering into yours with a wobbly grin.

You laugh at him, not suprised, and ruffle his already messy hair affectionately. Then you maneuver yourself onto his lap, straddling him. He peers up at you, slightly confused, but you just hum, pressing a soft kiss to his lips. His dick twitches at the attention, and he pants into your mouth.

Your soft hand comes back down to his cock, stroking the head a couple of time, watching the way his whole body seems to jerk and the breathy gasp he lets out. Suddenly, your pace is merciless, jerking him quickly and with full force. His eyes widen and his back slightly arches, his fingers digging into the sheets as he tries to process the intense sensation.

"Oh fuck. I'm gonna cum. F-Fuck! I'm cumming, I'm cumming, dont stop please!" He pleads, throwing his head back with a high-pitched, almost feminine moan. He stays true to his word, cum shoots out onto your hand and his stomach. You watch as your lovers abdomen contracts, and the way his whole body trembles under the force of the orgasm. It was an intense one, probably due to how many times he was edged.

Your hands dont stop moving through it all, and his body begins to jerk with the stinging sensation of overstimulation. "'m done," he whispers, hand reaching over to pull yours away.

You slap him away, continuing at the same pace, and he turns to you with frantic eyes, processing the situation. "N-No. No. No. No! I cant!" He pleads, tears welling up in his eyes as the sensation gets more and more painful.

You kiss away the first tear with a soft smile. "Yes you can! Cmon Satoru, all you wanted earlier was to cum. You can do it again!" You tease, kissing his neck when he looks up to the ceiling and begins to cry.

His whole body withers under you, jerking sporatically to escape your hand, and he begins to laugh. Its a mix of a giggle and a cry, sort of like someone was tickling him. He always did this when you overstimulated him, and it was always so endearing to watch. "S-Stop. Hurts. Hah! Oh fuck!"

You are stuggling to stay on top of him, his hips moving from side to side are threatening to knock you over. But you ground your knees into the sheets and use both hands to jerk him off. Wet squelching noises fill the air, mixed with his cries and helpless laughs.

But through it all, you just admire him. His pretty body that twitches and tries to escape your hold, his wet eyes that make the light blue color even brighter, the tear stained cheeks that are the prettiest red color. Everything about him was so pretty.

"I'm going to cum. No. Oh god! Too much. It's too sensitive! Im cumming. Im cumming again!" He rambles, unable to think coherent thoughts. The words just come spewling out of him, his head spinning.

Cum oozes from the tip, more pathetically this time, and he orgasms with a sob. His whole body seems to curl into himself, withering and trying to make himself as small as possible. The top of his head accidentally knocks into your chin, and you laugh, while he cries into your chest.

Your hands jerk him through it all, and the second he feels you going even a second longer after his high was over, his nails dig into your back and he pleads, "No more. Please, I'm begging. No more."

You obey his command, and let go of his cock, watching it fall back onto his stomach. You reach to grab the washcloth, wiping your hands and his stomach off. "Well that was fun."

"Fun?" He screeches dramatically, pulling himself away from your chest and using the back of arm to wipe away the excess tears. "You almost killed me!"

He goes under the sheets, pulling the blankets up to his neck with a pout. "Little dramatic much?"

"I'm not talking to you for the rest of the day," He threatens, falling limp against the pillow and staring at the ceiling.

"Alright."

A couple of minutes go by, and you hum to yourself, preparing for sleep. You listen to the sounds of Gojo tossing and turning in bed, glancing at him with amusement.

He turns to you, and narrows his eyes at you. "Do you think I can cum three times in a row?"

You pick up the lube. "You wanna find out?"

His smile falls in an instant, and he is waving his hands in front of his face. "Nope. Actually goodnight. I love you, dearest!"

You bark a laugh, and set the lube down, crawling into bed next to him. "Yeah, yeah, love you too, you kinky bastard."

"Hey!"

[ln444]

my english love affair

cw: MDNI+18, f!reader, strangers to lovers, soulmates au, fluff, smut, maybe slight angst? depends on how you see it lol, fingering (f), penetration, soft dirty talk, a lot (like a lot) of kissing and sharing long gazes, whipped lando again bc im obsessed sorry.

now playing: english love affair by 5sos, let me by zayn.

notes: omg this took so long 😭 i'm not really confident abt my smut, i feel like i'm writing fluff way better but i hope you like it!! i might write a part 2, let me know if you like this one! enjoy🤍

requested by anon | requests open!

______________________________________________

“when the lights go out, she's all i ever think, i can't forget my english love affair, today i'm seven thousand miles away”

the thought of finally going back to his f1 driver life fills lando with excitement. sure, lando loves england — it's his home, after all. but nothing can compare to the rush he feels when he's in an f1 car, traveling all around the world and meeting his fans.

for his last night town, lando's friends convinced him to hit the club. normally, he prefers staying in to rest before the start of the season but a little fun doesn't hurts, right? he won't have much time to do it during the grand prix.

despite his fame, lando still gets surprised when someone recognizes him, especially at the club. he knows he's known for his looks, and he's aware of the attention from admirers, but it still catches him off guard in real life. sometimes, the attention can be overwhelming, especially when he just wants to have a good time with his friends and ends up with some overly clingy girls.

lando decides to excuse himself, seeking some fresh air. the pressure of the coming season is getting to him, and the situation doesn't help. he finds a quiet spot with a few people smoking and making out, leans against the wall, and closes his eyes for a moment, letting out a relieved sigh.

suddenly, a voice startles him from his thoughts, "did your friends force you to come here too?" his head jerks towards you, and you're standing beside him, out of nowhere. he takes time to answer, surprised by your unexpected presence. after realizing that he left you without any response, he clears his throat, a bit confused, "nah, just needed some fresh air" he mumbles, a small smile forming on his lips. you chuckle slightly, and comment "not surprised, having so many girls fawning over you must be exhausting", there's a small hint of tease in your voice that makes lando's smile grows.

finally, as he turns to study your features under the soft glow of the night lights, lando finds himself entranced by your captivating beauty, the grace of your features leaving an indelible impression on him. he can't help but get lost in your eyes shining in the dim illumination, making it difficult for him to look away. it takes him a good minute to quickly look away, thanking the night for hiding his rosé cheeks.

he gazes at the sky, trying to think of something to say that doesn't sound awkward — and also trying to get his shit together. he suddenly feels the need to make a good impression. "i mean, it's not that i don't appreciate the attention, but wow, they can be quite persistent."

his hands find their way into the pockets of his jacket, and his eyes avoid meeting yours, fearing he might get lost in them again. "yeah, i know. they're my friends," you say with a small chuckle, not because he's making fun of them, but more because of the use of the term 'friends.'

lando's eyes widen, and he turns to you, 'i'm sorry, i didn't mean to-' but he stops himself, looking down, feeling too embarrassed to find the right words. you laugh softly and move closer to him, your shoulders brushing and lando can feel his body tense up due to the closeness.

"hey, it's okay. i don't really consider them my friends, anyway," you say nonchalantly and lando lets out a sigh of relief, a smile slowly spreading on his face. "wow, that's nice for them", you both laugh and lando doesn't miss the way you subtly lean into him, your shoulders finally touching. he turns his head away from you, clearing his throat once more, trying to control the warmth spreading through his body.

"hey", you suddenly call out after a minute of tranquil silence and lando dares to meet your gaze, instantly regretting when he's captivated by your radiant eyes. he finds himself unable to look away and you both share an intense, unspoken connection, as if you've known each other for years. everything feels perfectly right at this moment.

"wanna get out of here?" you finally suggest, your words barely more than a whisper, your focus entirely on lando's mesmerizing eyes. you take his hand, both fitting perfectly like two puzzle pieces and you let him drag you in the dark streets.

after a walk filled with stolen gaze and silly conversations, you found yourself on lando's couch, engrossed in his f1 souvenirs and you have never felt so much passion, feeling your heart soften every time your see that sparkles in his eyes. lando never thought that his night will end up like this. sure, he might ended up with a girl from the club like he usually do, but this time was different. he never really experienced this; having sweet and innocent conversations with a stranger from a club. the atmosphere is tranquil yet there's a subtle tension in the air.

lando couldn't help but be his flirty self, playfully teasing you from time to time. however, your responses makes him somewhat nervous — it's a new sensation to him, having a girl making him feel this way. perhaps it's the way you gazes at him with patience and attention, your lovely smile that you share generously with him or how closely you listen to his random f1 stories. lando and you end up scrolling through photos in his phone, with him recounting the stories behind each one. he couldn't help but feel his heart melt your reactions; your smiles, your laughs, and your curiosity as you ask for more details and share your own anecdotes.

a soothing silence descended, and the two of you sit beside each other, thighs and shoulders lightly touching. lando struggles to contain the fluttering feeling in his stomach when you turn to look at him. he dares to meet your gaze, trying to focus on your eyes rather than your enticing lips. lost in each other eyes, you can't tear your gazes away. a brand new emotion envelops both of you, one that's strangely familiar yet undeniably unique, as though destiny has brought you together in this very moment and lando can't help but wonder if soulmates might actually exist.

you finally speak, after what feels like an eternity, in a soft voice, "you can kiss me, lando", you whisper like it's a secret. lando stomach tighten and he don't even take the time to answer, gently placing his hand on your cheek to pull you for a shy kiss. your lips discover each other, timidly and your hands instinctively slides around his neck to pull him closer.

you can't seem to get enough of each other, savoring every moment as you explore each other's mouths. lando's hand venture on your hips, and the chill of his touch sends shivers down your spine, as you suppress a soft moan in your throat. the kiss grows more intense, both of you yearning for more. without the need for words, you share an unspoken understanding of each other's needs, as if you've been intimately connected for ages. out of breath, you both finally pull away, foreheads touching, sharing a playful gaze, giggling and blushing like teenagers experiencing their very first kiss.

after one last sweet peck on the lips, lando takes your hand and stands, guiding you towards the bedroom, careful not to stumble due to both your impatience and the lingering dizziness of that passionate kiss.

not wasting time, he gently guides you onto the bed, positioning himself on top of you. he can't resist the urge to pause and admire you, your eyes shimmering in the soft glow of the dim lights. before he gets lost in that gaze, his eyes roam to study every detail of your face, causing you to blush and squirm beneath him. your arms tighten around his neck, and you chuckle, bringing lando back to the present. "like what you see?" you whisper, stealing a smile from him as he draws closer, his lips teasingly brushing against yours. "oh, absolutely," he murmurs before capturing your lips in a kiss. this time, it feels different; electrifying.

lando's hands slips, beneath your dress, and this time a whimper escapes your lips, making lando smirk through the kiss. his hands dares to explore the skin of your thighs, creating an unusual feeling in your stomach — and making your pussy slightly throb. your fingers finds their way into his curls, gripping onto them as the kiss becomes messier; your tongues dancing together.

"just take it off already" you huff and puff, seeing lando struggling and he lets out a chuckle "damn, someone is impatient", he says, teasing you, before finally taking your dress off. his eyes travel your body, and you've never felt so vulnerable, your cheeks burning. lando let out an unwanted groan, completely loving the view and he stares a bit too long until you pull him for another kiss to put him out of his thoughts. he takes a moment to kiss you back and it's your turn to slide your hands beneath his shirt, playing with the lines of his abdomen, making him moan softly against your lips.

after a good minute of kissing and touching, you finally take off his shirt and his pants, on the way, leaving you both in your underwear. lando leaves kisses along your jawline, going down to your chest, his hand sliding in your back to unbutton your bra and the way your boobs bounce out of it makes lando groan, feeling his erection grows. your grip on his hair gets tighter as you watch him play with your nipples, flicking it and licking it and the view drives you crazy.

you moan his name softly, pulling on his hair to make him look at you and you share a long stare, full of lust, both craving for more. you pull him for a sloppy kiss, trying to show how impatient you are and lando gets the message, pulling down your panties and getting rid of his boxers.

lando's mouth leaves yours and is replaced by his fingers, stealing a whimper from you. your eyes meets his as you suck on his fingers and, if they could, his eyes would burn holes into yours. lando found himself getting more and more impatient, the way you suck on his fingers with that irresistible look making it harder for him to contain it.

pulling out his fingers out of your mouth and without leaving your eyes for a second, his two fingers found your hole, slipping gently in it and you throw instinctively your head backwards, a moan escaping your mouth. lando take a good look at you in that position before taking the opportunity to leave kisses on your exposed neck, fighting the urge to suck on it to not leave marks, not wanting to overstep your boundaries.

"feeling okay?" he whispers softly, his breath hitting your skin, making it difficult for you to fight the whimpers escaping your mouth. lando takes a minute to look at you, to make sure that you don't feel any pain or discomfort.

"mmh'yes, you can move, please oh my god" you desperately says and lando can't help but pull you for another messy kiss. his fingers start moving in you, stretching your walls and you become a moaning mess, your eyes closing and lando takes advantage of it to admire you, his moves getting faster and faster.

"are you close, princess?" he murmurs close to your lips, feeling your body trembling and hearing the way your moans gets louder. you can only shake your head; feeling the bottom of your stomach getting warmer and the nickame almost make you choke on your moans. lando slows down to make scissors movements, his thumb rubbing your clit to help you reach your climax. he can't take off his eyes of you, inspecting every aspect of your face; the way your face crunches and your mouth is slightly open to let multiple sounds out of it. he could almost come just by this sight, his own crotch getting bigger.

with a loud and long moan, you finally climax, arching your back and lando plant soft pecks on your neck, whispering sweet words to you and telling you how good you're doing. breathless, you absently stroke his hair and close your eyes for a moment trying to calm the beat of your heart but lando makes it hard; his hands traveling your body and his lips attached to the skin of your neck.

the sudden emptiness when lando pulls out his fingers make you whimper and he lift his head to meet your gaze — he lost count of how many times he got lost in your eyes tonight. your hand make its way to his cock and the sudden touch makes lando slightly startle, a groan leaving his mouth. before you start stroking it, his hand comes to stop you immediately and you look at him, confused and with a hint of worry; silently asking him if you did something wrong.

"wanna fuck you now or i might go crazy", he says, almost whimpering and you slightly laugh, pulling his face closer to yours. "someone is impatient huh", you tease, a small smirk forming on your lips and he can't help but mirror that smirk. "how can i not when you look at me like that?" he takes your bottom lip between his teeth before kissing you again, his body getting closer and his cock brushing on your pussy makes you both moan through the kiss. you take his dick, once again, in your hand to guide it through your hole this time. and slowly, he penetrates you, a long groan escaping his lips at how tight you feel around him and you break the kiss to moan loudly.

"so fucking tight, baby, just for me", he mumbles close to your lips and you can't even answer, too overwhelmed by the way he's filling you — and his dirty words. when you finally adjust, he doesn't waste any minutes and start moving. you both moan in unison, holding into each other like your life depends on it. he watches you go crazy over his cock; the way your eyes gets watery, the way you hold into the sheets — your other hand too busy pulling his hair —, the way you can't control the continuous moans, his name slipping out of your mouth from time to time and encouraging him to go deeper into you. and he does go deeper, slowing down the pace to thrust into you as deep as he can, reaching your sensitive spot.

"right here? like that, baby?" he moans, feeling you tightening around him. his voice makes it harder for you to hold your growing orgasm. your hand leaves the sheets to hold onto his shoulder, your nails crawling into his skin. lando suddenly feels the urge to look at you in the eyes — maybe because his orgasm is getting close too. his hand finds a way to your neck, his fingers wrapping around it gently "look at me, angel", he says in a husky voice that could make you come at any moment. struggling to keep your eyes open, you try your best to hold his gaze, the way he's looking at you making you insane.

his thrusts gets faster and you can't control the sounds escaping from your mouth anymore. you look away for a moment, too overwhelmed and lando's hand travels to your face, cupping it gently to keep it straight "eyes on me, love". you obey, meeting his gaze and it's all too much for you.

you don't even have to use words for lando to understand that you're getting close, the way your eyes gets watery and your body shakes is enough. with his hand going back to your throat, lando accompany you into your orgasm, enjoying the way you scream his name and you manage to hold his gaze. his own orgasm comes a few minutes after yours and he makes sure to pull out before ejaculating, his groans echoing in the room. he immediately falls besides you and you both just stay like this: his leg over yours, your hand still in his hair as you try to catch your breath. lando uses his last drops of strength to grab a tissue from the nightstand and clean his fresh cum on your stomach.

he pulls you close again, linking your legs together and letting you play with his hair. the silence is so peaceful; the warm of your bodies making you both relax immediately. a smile unconsciously forms on lando's lips at the sight of your tired face, your eyes shining in the almost dark atmosphere of the night. you look back at him, smiling back and giggling, making lando raise an eyebrow in confusion.

"what's so funny?" he says, fighting the smile growing on his lips. "i just slept with the lando norris", you tease and lando groans, hiding his face in his arm. "i knew you were a fan!" he replies playfully, playing along. you laugh in sync and lando's heart feels at peace; all the worries about the incoming season completely forgotten. your hand gently plays with his curls as you absently stare at the ceiling, an unbeatable smile on your face.

lando, on the other side, can't take his eyes off you, watching you slowly fall asleep and enjoying your fingers in his hair. and just before you completely close your eyes, you turn to him, offering him a last kiss; so tender and passionate that your hearts both might burst out of your chests. pulling out, lando watches you fall asleep, not fighting the smile on his face anymore.

he usually struggles to sleep before an important day but this time, his mind is only filled with you and this night spent by your side. and just like that, it's lando's turn to meet the sandman.

-

with a groan, lando struggles to reach and silence the blaring alarm. the morning sunlight aggressively shines through the curtain, making him shield his face with his arm, staying in half asleep state for a minute as he gradually gets out of it.

then it suddenly hits him; you're no longer beside him.

lando suddenly starts to panic, jolting him into full wakefulness. he springs out of the bed and desperately search for any signs of you in every room of his apartment but you're nowhere to be found. he mutters curses under his breath, passing a hand to his messy hair — the thought of you messing his hair last night making him even more frustrated. defeated, he returns to the bedroom, his gaze falling on the tousled sheets where everything happened. as lando realizes that he didn't even ask for your name, frustration festered within him, causing him to clench his hair.

however, amidst his self reproach, a small piece of paper on the nightstand catch his attention, and he immediately rushes to it.

"we will meet again, i promise. you're going to kill it, lovely boy. y/n, x"

lando can't even fight the smile creeping on his lips, his heart softening — it was beating way too fast just by the thought of not even knowing your name. he sinks back onto the bed, your smell immediately hitting him and making him even happier. he reads those few words repeatedly and his hands falls onto his chest, holding the paper close to his heart as he whispers your name again and again, savoring its melodious sound. lando can't help but tell himself that soulmates might exist.

"i am going to kill it,", lando murmured to himself, a foolish grin etching on his face.

______________________________________________

part 2?:p join the tag list here!

masterlist

[astralis-ortus]

it feels impossible (it's not impossible)

✱ bestfriend!bc × gn!reader

— 'cause you are the one i was meant to find.

w.count → 2k genre → romcom, fluff warnings → minor cussing (as per usual, heh), chan refered to as chris a.n → i'm usually not the type to write this long simply because i'm easily distracted and have the tendency to abandon projects, but hey! this one prevails :] hopefully next time i can write even longer fics<3 ⋆ see masterlist

honestly, you thought you were going crazy when the same melody restarted on chris’ speaker for the nth time today. it’s not that the song is bad—you do actually love ‘rewrite the stars’. you’re a fan of the movie, much like chris is, but putting the song on loop? for hours a day? for weeks? your sense of fanship isn’t that strong, especially when the song’s been out in circulation for years now.

“you wanna hear a theory?”

your question easily turns chris’ focus away from the endless papers he had to grade by the end of the day and towards you, raising an eyebrow to the sudden break of silence. his eyes visibly twinkled, contemplating if he should entertain the idea of putting on his regular-26-year-old suit over the professional-high-school-teacher ones he’d been in for the past couple hours or so.

well, to be fair, chris hasn't even been focusing on the pages of essays he needed to check. not when his mind has been preoccupied with something—someone­—else.

“shoot,” he eventually replied with a lopsided smile etched on his lips—head cocked to the side when he finally decided to shut the screen of his decorated silver laptop, offering you his entire attention. “it better be funny or entertaining, considering i’m risking losing my hearing to my kids’ complaints for not returning their papers on time tomorrow.”

“oooh, pressure,” you mocked, a wide grin appearing on your face while you try to ignore the rush of tingles under your skin when you noticed the way chris referred to his students as ‘my kids’—something he’d always done and so do you, but somehow had a different effect on you as of recent. “believe me, it’s something fun,” you hummed with a shrug, mirroring chris as you set your laptop aside.

chris’ pair of charming dimples came into view upon your confident reply, fully immersed in the stage you’re setting up. fabric of his gray couch, one where you two had been slowly melting into for a few hours now, gently rustled when chris fixed his posture, less from lazing around and more into focusing on you and whatever nonsense he believed you were going to say. the glint in his eyes grew brighter by the second, both from anticipation and excitement.

“tell me.”

it felt like spring—when the flowers were in bloom, the breeze was blowing ever-so-gently against your warm cheeks, and the swarm of butterflies were surrounding you with its pairs of fluttering wings.

chris made you feel like spring.

“gee, tone down the excitement, mr. bahng,” you inadvertently shifted away, silently praying to whatever force ruling the universe that chris wasn’t aware of the way your heartbeat spiked to his playful grin. “don’t want to disappoint you there.”

”as if you could ever,” chris promptly refuted with a chuckle, chin resting on the palm of his hand. the way his playful gaze was directed right at you, framed by those loose curls of his, proved to cause your heart more problems than ease. “the ever-so-perfect you? a disappointment? really?”

”oh shut up,” you groaned, half wanting to wipe the cocky smirk off his face—or…?

”but then—if you say so, do tell me,” frown on your forehead instantly dissipates, replaced by a mirror of his lopsided grin when you figured you could turn the bullet right back at its owner,

“am i perfectly on point when i say you’re in love?”

despite the slight pang on your heart, you couldn’t help but giggle at the way his face fades into surprise, a shade of blush slowly creeping on the top of his cheekbones.

the topic of love was never really something you discussed with chris. sure, you two met each other in college where hormones were bursting through the roof, but neither you or chris was interested in dating anyone—you with your slowly budding crush on chris, and chris with… god-knows-what he’s interested in. you never pried, for the sake of not making things awkward. that's your norm, and how you’ve spent your last 7 years with chris.

you and chris remained friends, which at some point evolved into best friends (you now, by the hey-i’m-bored-at-2am-let’s-hang kind of standard), and somehow, you two happened to land a teaching job within the same district around the same time. chris went to teach a reputable high school in the area, while you pursue your dream of teaching kids. you hang out at each other’s place every other day, despite the time you spent together consists mostly of being nose-deep in your respective workload.

the topic of love still was something foreign—you wouldn’t deliberately bring it up other than around the occasions when wedding invites stopped by yours or chris’ doorstep.

maybe, it’s time to change that.

”…huh?”

chris is thoroughly perplexed.

”oh come on, don’t even try to lie,” with a smile decorated with victory, you finally teased the man across. “it’s all written on your face, you know,” you continued, fingers gesturing to your own, “but also, your choice of song. god, do you even listen to anything else when you're in love?”

“but i'm not!” he yelped, facepalming himself upon realizing the shift in his tone is a dead giveaway of his true voice. “god—no. i'm not,” he added meekly, shaking his head, “you know i love the song. that's all.”

”fair enough,” acknowledging his plea, you briefly nod, “but that doesn’t justify the way you’ve been keeping the song on repeat! and don’t you think i don’t remember the few other occurrences when you did the same, because i knew for a fact that something happened every time you became distant after going through this rewrite the stars cycle!”

if his face were flushed before, then you’d categorize this new shade apparent on the tip of his ear as a what-the-fuck-i’m-screwed kind of blush and frankly, seeing this new side of him kind of made you regret not bringing the topic up sooner.

”you remembered?” his voice sounded more of a squeak rather than a proper question, still hiding behind the safety of his palms. “no you don’t! that was ages ago!”

”so things did happen!” your grin turned into a laugh, drowning chris’ groan and series of disapproving no when he realized he just bit into your colorful, glimmering bait. “gosh—why didn’t you tell me you were dating someone? i was kinda hurt whenever that happened you know,” you purse your lips dramatically, “i lost a friend to talk to and never exactly know the reason why until today.”

“oh,” chris blinked, finally looking right at you with a puzzled gaze, “you… were? i mean—i’m sorry i hurt you. for the record, i wasn’t dating anyone. i just kinda assumed, you know, since you were dating someone else anyway i thought—“

”hold up—“ both statements rolling off of chris’ lips inadvertently made you hold up a hand, stopping the latter on his tracks. ”what?”

now both of you are puzzled.

you? dating someone?

”i just wanted to give you space,” chris reiterated, hand now awkwardly resting on his equally red nape, “figured you’d want that since me being around will likely bring trouble for you and the person you were dating.”

”but… i haven’t dated anyone since we became friends?”

you’re thoroughly confused.

”wait, what?” chris shook his head in disbelief, “what do you mean you haven’t dated anyone? what about the notes? and the flowers? and the chocolates too! what do you—what do you mean?”

nevermind, now you’re thoroughly confused.

”the ones from back in college?” your memories were not exactly as clear as you expected it to be, but you do remember receiving those gifts a few times due to its absurdity. “that was all from the rich ass kid i tutored! the one who i told you kept teasing me about never receiving any valentine's day gift? that kid? they sent me those gifts as a prank!”

“…what?”

the amount of ‘what’ you two have said in the past few exchanges is ridiculous.

”god—you thought i’ve been dating and never told you?” you finally pieced the puzzle together, incredulous. “and that’s why you distanced yourself? dude, are you serious?”

”well i just assumed!” chris raised his hands in defense, equally as incredulous as you are, “to be fair, those are usually gifts you get for someone you like! how am i supposed to know it’s from the kid you tutored? you never tried to told me!”

”you could’ve asked?” you stated, as-a-matter-of-factly. sometimes, despite that brilliant brain of his, chris could be quite the foolish one between the two of you. “besides, i thought you knew! you literally read the cards!”

”wha—how do you expect me to digest any of that when i was under the assumption someone i like is dating someone else!”

silence befalls chris’ usually cozy living room, leaving the soft resounding melody that hadn’t stopped as the only sound filling up the space. you’re not even sure if your ears were actually catching the right words falling from his lips; it felt too much like a fever dream. judging from the way his eyes turned wide, however,

you might have heard him correctly.

”you… like me?”

you never imagined you’d piece those words together, much less directing them towards chris. hell, even by remaining as friends was enough for you—having him to yourself was not something you thought would ever happen in this lifetime. you’re happy as you were; you’re content with being friends.

chris, on the other hand, is still visibly trying to digest the events that just unfolded around him. from the misunderstanding to unintentionally confessing his feelings, this was not how he expected his Sunday evening to be. all he wanted to do was be near the one person he’d been secretly nurturing his feelings for, praying that maybe one day he’d finally muster up the courage before everything was too late—but this was not how he expected things to turn out.

”i’m sorry,” he finally croaked, breaking the suffocating silence whilst also being too embarrassed to even look you in the eye, “i know it’s weird—from the misunderstanding to, you know, what i said. i never intended for you to find out about it this way. i understand that you don’t feel the same way, it’s okay, you—“

”oh shut up,” you capped his ramblings short, catching chris off guard. it’s not often you cut him off when he speak, so when you do, he knew you meant it.

“just, what?” you sighed, fingers begin massaging the throb on your temple. it’s hard to decipher what you’re currently feeling as a whole, but one thing you know for sure— you’re especially bothered by his last statement.

“chris, how would you even know what i feel if you’ve never even asked me?”

you watched through his pair of curious eyes as thoughts ran inside his mind, slowly deciphering what you meant with the sudden calmness in your voice.

“uh,” finally managing the train of assumptions in his head, chris then looked at you—only now, with a glimmer of hope reflected in his eyes, “do you... like me? like, more than just friends?”

and to that, you finally nodded.

“yeah, you dumbass. for the longest time.”

watching the way chris’ smile bloom easily turned you into another smiling mess—not missing the giggles nor the flush on your cheeks and all. It feels dumb, realizing that you’ve been into each other for forever but never realizing it because of some stupid misunderstanding.

“and i like you too,” chris reiterated, his goofy smile erasing any trace of worry that was present on his face just a second ago. honest to god—you thought you were falling in love all over again for chris.

“in that case...” he shrugged before outstretching a hand, trying his best to play things cool despite the growing excitement in his eyes,

“will you officially be my partner in crime?”

sound of your laugh only fuels the warmth spreading within chris’ heart—and it felt like the way he spent all those countless nights, wishing that one day the stars would eventually align for him finally paid off as you held his hand in yours, smiling brighter than any stars ever discovered.

“gladly.”

©️ astralisortus, 2024. | likes and reblogs are highly appreciated♡

[ladyloveandjustice]

Mental Illness in Anime

I saw someone say Komi Can't Communicate is the only anime they've ever seen that talks about mental illness and that's kinda sad, so for you to not end in the same boat, I've decided to put together an overview of mental illness in anime, what I'd recommend, what comes with caveats, and so on.

It's a little nebulous what "talks about mental illness" means as lots of anime depict characters who are very obviously depressed, traumatized and even suicidal (suicide will be mentioned a lot in this list, so watch out for that), but don't directly name mental illness. It is very stigmatized in Japan, even moreso than many other countries, you don't see much talk about therapy and so on.

However, naturally there are many Japanese people who are mental health advocates, and I found an interview with Makoto Kageyama, a mental health awareness advocate who volunteered at Aokigahara forest. He points out anime he feels deal with mental illness. One we'll cover fully, many of them I haven't watched:

I think the most accurate and positive portrayals I got were actually from Kiriyama Rei (March Comes in Like a Lion), Naruse Jun (The Anthem of the Heart), Miyamura Miyako (ef: A Tale of Memories), Takeya Yuki (School-Live!) and Smile (Ping Pong: The Animation)

I'm super open to suggestions for additions, and might be adding them as reblogs and under the cut.

I'll also be making a post on mental illness in manga if this post does well, which I will link here when I post it.

So I'll start:

Anime that directly discusses mental illness:

March Comes in Like a Lion- not only is the main character one of the most accurate depictions of depression I've ever seen, it's the rare anime that actually talks about counseling, showing a traumatized character attending counseling and slowly getting back on her feet.

Orange--it...certainly is about mental illness, but it's a pretty mixed/problematic one because it seems to be confused by how mental illness works at times. It centers around a character who's suicidally depressed and his friend's efforts to save him after receiving a time travel message about his future suicide. It also does mention offhand that this character was supposed to go to therapy and is skipping out at one point. But yeah, how it handles it is...not always great. It kind of gives an impression that if you try hard enough you can "fix" someone's suicidal depression. With friendship. I guess. You have been warned.

I haven't watched it in a really long time, so it might even be worse than I remember. But I'm including it bc I definitely cried and felt parts of it were very relatable when I saw it way back when. so there's some resonant stuff there.

Monster: Kind of mixed, but it's definitely notable as an anime that not only has a psychiatrist as a major character, but also shows prominent characters going to therapy and getting better. Characters go to him for alcoholism, depression, PTSD (PTSD is not named but yeah it's definitely PTSD). At one point he helps a main character recover some repressed traumatic memories.

What makes it mixed is that while several heroes definitely are mentally ill in some way, the (complex) antagonist of the series also has some sort of mental health condition , and the story is often weirdly muddled about it. At one point they make it out like he has Dissociative Identity Disorder (calling it "split personality") but then he never shows any symptoms of that and it's kind of dropped and not bought up again. He does definitely have repressed traumatic memories though, so maybe that's all they were getting at but said it very badly.

A heroic character that actually seems to have Dissociative Identity Disorder and YMMV in how it's handled and how accurate it is. It's a "the other personality is violent" one, but rather than the other personality being evil, it's. a defense mechanism, and the violence is always in self defense or defense of others..

Sort of names the problem:

My New Boss is Goofy: One of the main characters is recovering from an abusive boss, and definitely has anxiety attacks and flashbacks as a result. This is directly named as "trauma" (though much like in the West where the loan word came from, anime characters use the words to refer to minor things that aren't mental illness too. But in this case it's treated very seriously). At any rate, the entire anime is about others helping the MC slowly recover with his new boss and friends showing immense compassion for his anxiety and other problems. Here's a good article going into it!

Anime that focuses on social anxiety:

I think what stands out about Komi is that it directly says she has a communication disorder, but tons of anime focus on characters with social anxiety, and even state what the problem is directly.

Bocchi the Rock- The girl with the social anxiety is the main character and not the bland self insert guy who has a crush on her?, amazing. it lets her be a mess too? whaaat. Yeah, Bocchi does say directly she has severe social anxiety, and the series is very relatable in how it explores that. There are a lot of gags about it, but in a knowing, sympathetic way. Her recovery is realistically slow, and sometimes she backslides. She talks directly about her social anxiety, using the term.

Tsuritama: MC's social anxiety is so bad he can have panic attacks when people talk to him...the attacks are also represented in this really interesting way where they have water come in to drown him.

My Roommate is a Cat: Man dealing with social anxiety slowly recovers with the help of his cat. It's cute. Here's an article going into it!

Anime that don't namedrop mental illness directly, but really resonates:

Natsume's Book of Friends: I wrote an entire article about how relatable it is to me and my mental illness, how it uses the characters seeing yokai as metaphor for mental ilness at times (Natsume was textually mistreated by so-called guardians who thought he "wasn't right in the head" and his grandmother was often called that too) but also Natsume shows a lot of textual symptoms of trauma (possibly PTSD), depression and so on, and they're explored very poignantly. Here is my article: “The Courage to Speak”: Mental illness and recovery in Natsume’s Book of Friends

Revolutionary Girl Utena: Probably one of the most poignant explorations of what it means to be depressed and traumatized as a teenage girl. Several moments with Utena herself resonate, starting with when she was a child and declares she doesn't want to go on living, Anthy is also...dealing with a lot, and it's powerful how the show goes into it.

Neon Genesis Evangelion-- Many characters in it show symptoms of mental illness. Though it isn't named as depression directly (i think?), but Shinji shows every symptom you can think of, and the director Anno has said that he was extremely depressed while making it and channeled a lot of that into the characters, and we definitely see his mental journey for the better very strongly reflected in the reboot.

Kyousougiga: One of the main characters is suicidally depressed (this one is graphic, because he commits suicide on screen...only it turns out he can't die), and his journey towards becoming okay with living is a focus and was very resonant to me.

She and Her Cat: A short anime about a girl who definitely has depression and how her cat helps her. Rather simplistic ending but it's good otherwise. CW animal death too, but in a very gentle way.

Haibane Renmei: It deals with suicidal depression and other mental health struggles in a pretty intense way, it's touching, but if you have triggers consider looking into it.

Fruits Basket: Truly a cocktail of mental illnesses among the cast. YMMV on how it's handled but some parts really resonate. These articles go into it:

The Always Smiling Girl: How Tohru critiques toxic positivity

“A Man Who Can Experience His Feelings”: Fruits Basket, toxic masculinity, and mental health

Colorful: This is a submission from Nickyenchilada from the notes of this post: "I would also recommend the movie/novel Colorful. I think YMMV on how it handles the central issue of suicide but I think it does portray how even kids can be thrust into very complex situations without necessary outlets for coping with them."

Vinland Saga: This was an addition I got from a discord conversation, the entire second season explore the main character's PTSD

Yuri on Ice- A conversation on discord reminded me that a lot of people read Yuri as having an anxiety disorder, which I can totally see!

A Silent Voice- a submission from @boku-no-anime-phase who says: "I think it deserves its own shout out! This movie is nuanced, gentle, beautifully told and brimming with hope. I love the fact that just like in real life, things don't resolve particularly easily; but the characters make important progress that's rewarding to watch. TW for suicide discussion, ideation and attempt".

Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl Senpai - From boku-no-anime-phase who says: "YMMV but there's an arc that deals with bullying and memory loss where a character who deals with those things is supported and encouraged through it".

My Happy Marriage - From boku-no-anime-phase who says: "also YMMV but I think there were some lovely moments in this where you can see Miyo beginning to heal from her trauma and abuse, and learn to trust."

Anime Feminist has a whole host of articles on mental health in anime and they're all here. It covers a lot of different anime I don't know about or didn't mention and offers a lot of cool perspectives, so check 'em out! Here's a few that stuck out to me:

Finding Inner Magic: Depression in The Ancient Magus’ Bride

(I don't like this anime's narrative due to the issue with the ending pointed out in this article, but it did have resonant moments of exploring depression).

How Clean Freak! Aoyama-kun compassionately handles mental illness

The Sound of Depression: Liminal spaces, sound design, and Super Cub

From Yandere Girlfriends to Social Anxiety: Handling mental illness in The Future Diary and A Silent Voice

Footnote on Hikikomori in anime:

Any anime that focuses on Hikikomori characters are dealing with characters that are mentally ill, as being so depressed/traumatized/agoraphobic/anxious you can't even leave your room or house is obviously not mentally healthy. But what really matters is how that’s handled and if these issues are explained, as Makoto Kageyama notes:

Usually, the most common issues I’ve seen covered is the “hikikomori phenomena” and light eating disorders. Basically, a bullied character that becomes a recluse out of social anxiety, but… The characters don’t usually get shown correctly, since their issues are not explained properly and basically it ends up with a “Hey, see? People are not that bad, we are your friends!” and “Yay, I have friends, I am cured and I can trust others again!” Which is not the case, because real hikikomori can take a lot of talk and patience to get them out and when they get back to normal society (if they do), they become very wary of others. And ironically, “hikikomori” has also been used as a “moe trait” in anime even though it’s a mental health issue.

One I saw a lot of people namedrop as handling it well when I googled around was Welcome to the NHK, though I haven't seen it. But, if you look at Nickyenchilada's take in the comments to this post, it's mentioned as being resonant and it's noted that the recovery is not an easy fix, and it's also noted that several characters in the story are mentally ill.

Bonus list:

Neurodiversity in Anime- (that don't namedrop mental illness directly, but really resonate)

I initially didn't include a neurodiversity section in this post because I honestly could not think of any anime that directly talks about neurodiversity or has a textually neurodivergent character.

(However, there are manga that actually do! I pointed some out in my Mental Illness and Neurodiversity in Manga post I did to complement this one!)

You can also read some articles about neurodiversity in anime here

And the list of characters that can simply be read as neurodivergent is huge, and if I tried to list every popular read it would be endless, plus I don't feel comfortable "diagnosing" any characters with developmental disorders I don't personally have. However, I am willing to take suggestions from others on this one, so here are a few!

Mob Psycho 100 - submitted by boku-no-anime-phase, who says " Mob is autistic and I will die on this hill; the trouble he has with fitting in, relating to others and knowing the right things to do imo stems directly from that."

Princess Jellyfish - submitted by boku-no-anime-phase, who says "I'd be willing to bet that all the women who live in that apartment are neurodivergent. They all have their special interests and they live together in mutual neurodivergent infodumping bliss and it's wonderful. (Unrelated but TW for sexual assault and some transphobia)"

Chihayafuru- submission by @noisepartythumpingmusic who says "It's never noted explicitly, but I firmly believe the main character of Chihayafuru has ADHD, which is perfect for a main character of a sports" josei. As someone who does have ADHD, I personally can totally see that read of Chihaya (the main character)!

Anti-recommendations (as in seems potentially resonant but then drop the ball hard, because if I listed all the anime that's blatantly gross about mental illness from the second the subject comes up we'd be here all day) (Dead Dove Do Not Eat)

Wonder Egg Priority: Starts out like it's going to be a nuanced exploration of recovering from abuse, suicidal depression, and so on, only to end up incredibly stupid and offensive. The writer also believes some stupid and misogynist things about "reasons" girls commit suicide. This article goes into it a little.

Your Lie In April: Depiction of depression and trauma is completely undermined by how all the characters tell the MC he needs to get over it because his talent for piano is more important, and the clumsy, gross take on forgiving your abuser, and so many other things. This article goes into it.

---

And that's it for now! Again. I might be updating this with new stuff based on feedback or me remembering something I missed, through both updates and adding stuff under the cut.

[squinch-depraved]

got rlly inspired by @mister-sandwich's post about schlatt pissing you off and then just burying his face between your legs and i think i'm gonna continue off of the other oneshot i posted today bc something ab it was kinda yummyyy wrote this all in one sitting so i hope it's okay anyway can you tell i'm high and have the munchies 🤭

a few days later, still chuckle week, still sweltering, you sit in front of a fan on the bed you're staying in, legs hanging off the side and slightly leaning back onto your arms. eyes closed, waiting for your best friend(?) to come back so the two of you could start watching another movie. it was your new favorite activity to do together; he hadn't seen many and you got to show him your favorite films. doesn't matter that it usually ended with someone going down on the other, or that you both were too electrically aware of the other's presence to actually watch the flick. things between you two were certainly different than they were at the start of this trip, but at this point, it was a bit too late to care how relationship dynamics had shifted, what with the shoving of his cock down your throat all the time and that stuff. and when ted joined you guys, it was even more intense. the three of you definitely had something incredible, and you planned to all discuss it at the end of the week, when all the filming was done and you guys could finally relax. but for right now, ted was out with tucker hunting down some stuff for a video they were going to film together, and then they were going out to dinner with a group of friends not well known to the two of you left. it was just you and schlatt for the rest of the day and night, and you were thrilled. not that you didn't love having both boy toys, just that you were excited to have some time alone with him again.

"this fuckin' loser only keeps some weird bougie caramel top ice cream in his freezer, so i guess that's what we're having," his voice echoes down the hall until he's finally visible in the doorframe. he continues to approach until he's standing in between you and the fan and holding out a spoon.

"that's my ice cream, j," you reply tiredly, pinching the bridge of your nose. "i bought that for us to share tonight because i thought it looked good. you think i'd just tell you to go steal ted's ice cream?"

he's silent for a moment. "i think if you wanted to be cute and have a little ice cream date, we could have used ted's ice cream maker and made it a whole thing."

you whip your head up to glare at him. "are you fuckin' kidding me?"

he laughs. "what? mad i came up with a better date than you? in like, two seconds?"

"no!" you lie. "get out of the way of the fan, it's so fucking hot in here." you try to push him, or even move him at all, really, but you fail. "schlatt, i'm fucking serious. move. and give me that spoon."

he yanks the spoon back before you can reach it. with a simple, "nah," he opens the ice cream and begins eating it, much to your dismay.

"schlatt! stop it! that's for-"

"our cutesy little movie date? nah, toots, i'm gonna eat all this while you sit there and bitch about it, and then maybe, if you're cute enough, i'll eat you."

a stunned silence hangs heavily in the room before you finally regain the ability to speak, jumping up to grab at his hands (which he pulls out of reach as he continues to eat with a small smile on his lips). "sch- i actually don't even fucking know what to say," you fumble, growing more and more pissed. "i don't know why you're being like this?? what did i do?"

he sniffs.

"there's no way you actually eat that whole pint." your hands are on your hips now as you shoot daggers at him. his eyebrow cocks, as if to say, wanna bet? "i hate you so much."

he grins and goes in for another spoonful.

"you're such a dick, you know that?" you speak sharply, sinking back onto the bed.

"last spoonful. you want?"

you quickly look up at him to see him offering it to you, spoon in outstretched hand. you nod greedily and open your mouth, causing him to cackle and eat it himself. your eyes go wide, and then narrow to squint at him. "YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKING- WHY WOULD YOU EVEN- I CAN'T FUCKING-" you stutter, starting time after time only to stop a few words later because your anger feels like it's consuming you. "WHY???" you scream. he simply continues laughing as he leaves the room. you sit there, fuming, unable to even move as you process everything that just happened. the rage makes you blind to him coming back and standing in the same spot. a moment later you look back up at him. "get out of the way. of the fucking fan. or i swear i'm going to-"

"shut the fuck up," he says.

you go silent for a few seconds before you ask, "where did you go?"

"throw away the ice cream. i told you shut up," he says. "can you just do one thing you're told?" his voice is sickly sweet, mocking you.

"i'm gonna punch you in the balls live on the podc-" you start, but are cut off by him pushing you back down onto the bed. "wh-?"

he wedges himself between your legs and rips the clothing off your lower half. you shriek slightly in surprise, and he buries his face in your cunt, immediately swirling his tongue over your clit, sliding a finger in. his face pulls back and looks at you, staring at the ceiling, lost in the whirlwind of things you're feeling, and says, "fuckin' knew you'd be soaking for me." he punctuates his sentence by spitting on your clit and you moan. "you taste so much sweeter than that stupid, fancy fuckin' ice cream." this makes you scream through gritted teeth (really, it was him slipping another finger in and working them inside you just right, but he doesn't need to know that) and you bring your legs to wrap around his head, fingers intertwining into his hair.

gasping and squirming under him, his tongue continues to dance all over your sopping pussy while he pins you by your hips down against the mattress. he's sloppy, borderline making out with your sticky sweet folds and you can see your essence all over his chops. his eyes, dark, drag up your body to meet yours and it triggers something in your stomach. a knot, forming and growing as he works now three fingers in and out, in and out, and curling them in all the most delicious spots. you're screaming now, his name, obscenities, how much you just hate him, how good he feels. the knot in your stomach has spread throughout your entire body, enveloping you in a warm embrace as fireworks explode everywhere, and you scream more, announcing your arrival at what feels like heaven's gate, but he just keeps going. sensitive, every nerve in your body feeling like it's being abused by this man (and truthfully, they are), tears begin to flow down your cheeks as you try to pull his head away, to no avail.

"please, j! i can't handle it! 's too much!" you cry out. he hmmphs on your clit, making you gasp loudly. something is building again, but it feels different. almost wrong. still pleasureful, but in such an intense way that your legs begin kicking, trying to get him off. but schlatt holds fast, mouth glued to the bundle of nerves that makes you move under him like this. he knows you're close, and by god is he gonna get you there. something resembling fire rips through you like a shockwave, and you release all over him, babbling something about a mess and tears falling from overstimulation.

finally, he pulls back, looking up at you while you regulate and come back down to earth. when you finally speak, your voice is hoarse. "why did you do that?"

he shrugs. "you were bein' a brat."

you nod, looking at the time.

"i'm gonna doordash that ice cream, by the way," he mumbles, grabbing his phone. " it was really good and you deserve some after all that. you still up for a movie?"

[minnillea]

OVERNIGHT STAY (Keegan P. Russ X Reader)

Wrote more for Keegan enemies to lovers style bc, yes. (5k words)

CW: MDNI!, explicit content ahead, NSFW, smut, soft dom Keegan (really sweet), sub fem reader, play fighting, love bites, overstimulation, nipple play, pet names, creampie, fingering, edging, unholy amount of teasing, basically really hot and heavy make out session, and aftercare<3

.｡.:*･゜ﾟ･* *･゜ﾟ･*:.｡.｡.:*･゜ﾟ･* *･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･''･｡.

The sky was gloomy, and the wind dragged all types of scrap as you stood in the middle of no man’s land while Keegan and you bickered back and forth like usual.

“You should have let me drive.” He growls at you as he throws you a condescending look.

“Your driving is awful! Every time you take the wheel, I get some sort of near-death experience!” You snap back, returning his energy.

“Oh yeah? I’m pretty sure we wouldn’t be stuck here if it wasn’t because of your stupidity.” He says with a cocky smirk visible under his mask before both of you are interrupted.

“Alright, that’s enough!” Elias barks at both of you, clearly done with your antics. “I'm tired of this bullshit between you too!” He finishes inspecting the vehicle before sighing. “I’m sleeping in this thing….or what’s left of it. You two can go check that decrepit cabin over there; I don’t care where you dumbasses sleep. I don’t want to hear anything from you two!”Elias leers at both of you with irritation before speaking with an intimidating snarl. “You two better start getting along, or I’ll make your lives hell! Now get out of my sight; they’ll pick us up by the morning.” Elias walks away, leaving both of you in complete silence.

Keegan glares at you before he takes in a sharp breath and walks the other way.

You look around at the barren wasteland for a moment before you scoff and trail behind him into the little structure. He pushes the door, and the rusted hinges give away immediately.

“This is all your fault; I hope you are aware of that.” Keegan groans as you step into the cabin and set a little lamp on a nightstand.

You huff before speaking in a mocking tone. “Don’t blame me just because you have no self-control.”

“And you take things way too far,” Keegan snaps back. “You always think you’re right."

You noticed the passage of time reflected in the small house, and it makes you wonder where the past inhabitants could be or if they survived.

“I’m not full of myself, unlike you.” You say raising a brow.

"Oh yeah, and you're an angel?" Keegan says sarcastically. “All that flirting with the commander and Hesh, like you're all that.”

“That’s not flirting- ” You scoff offended, he’s clearly trying to get under your skin.

“Whatever you say, princess.” Keegan crosses his arms over his chest and scowls at you. “There's only one bed, and I’m definitely sleeping on it, so you better keep your distance.”

You look at him with disdain as you shake the sheets and prep the bed.

Keegan goes to the foot of the bed and takes his backpack off, throwing it onto a chair in the corner. He then plops down on the bed and puts his hands behind his head.

You sigh before you go to change into something you can sleep in. Since no one is supposed to be around here, you figured you'd get comfortable. “Unbelievable, this is so dumb. Elias could have let one of us sleep in the vehicle, and that way no one suffers more than necessary.” You mumble under your breath.

"Yeah, I agree with you for once. It's awful. He probably wants to make us miserable and get back at us…or he really thinks he can force us to get along." Keegan rolls onto his side, facing away from you but keeping a guarded eye. He takes off his gear and shirt and throws them on the chair too. “You know, if you would stop running your mouth for five seconds, we wouldn't hate each other so much.”

Keegan was the type of person to only speak when necessary, but for some reason he was always eager to piss you off.

“For someone so quiet, you really can’t help yourself around me, huh? I’m just defending myself from your little attacks.” You spat back as you finished putting on some shorts and a comfy top.

“What can I say? You bring out the worst in me, sweetheart.” He says in a mocking manner before chuckling with arrogance.

You roll your eyes with a sigh in response as you set your bag down before turning around. “………. don’t tell me you sleep shirtless.”

“Why? You don't like it?” Keegan chuckles lightly, then turns his upper body to face you. “You're one to talk; you aren’t wearing anything underneath that. I can tell.” Keegan lifts an eyebrow at you, smirking a little under the mask.

You cover yourself with your hands, embarrassed, as you look away to avoid meeting his icy eyes. “That’s because sleeping with a bra is uncomfortable!”

“And what about bras during the day time?” He teases. Keegan rolls over to face the other way. A small smirk plays at the corners of his mouth; he’s waiting for a reaction.

Your face contorts. “You little—I sometimes forget to put it back on, okay! Why are you even looking there in the first place?!”

Keegan laughs loudly and rolls over to look at you again. “Come on, you do it on purpose.” He sits up in bed and leans over so he’s eye-level with you. His eyebrow raises suggestively as he looks you up and down.

You throw the shirt you were wearing a second ago at his face to block his view. “I don’t jackass.” You say with irritation and embarrassment present in your tone.

“I bet you don't, princess.” Keegan chuckles once more. He lets the shirt hit his face with a stoic look before he rolls his eyes and pushes it away. Keegan stretches out across the bed, spreading out his arms and legs for a second before removing his mask. “Are you ready to sleep, or are you going to nag me all night long?”

“I’d like to torture you all night, but I need sleep too.” You say unamused as you hop on your side of the bed and turn off the lamp.

Keegan looks at you with a smirk. He watches you climb into bed for a moment before he finally turns back to face the other way and lays down.

"Good, I hope you have nightmares," he says as he closes his eyes and rolls over onto his stomach. Keegan doesn't speak or move again, but his breathing is somewhat shallow and rapid.

“How sweet of you~ ” You mock, rolling your eyes and hugging onto a pillow.

Keegan remains silent for several minutes until he finally groans and turns onto his back. He stretches like a cat, groaning all the while, and then he places a hand on the side of his head.

Keegan lifts his head and sits up to look at you, but he doesn't say anything. He just stares down at you with those piercing blue eyes of his.

You open an eye and try to ignore how good he looks right now, the moonlight coming through the window letting you see him perfectly. “What? You wanna fight?” You say in a mocking tone.

Keegan grins at you before kicking off the blankets and launching himself onto you. “Yeah, I do wanna fight, and I'll win, too.” The muscles on his arms and chest flex as he leans forward and tackles you to the bed to pin you down.

“Hey! Hmph!” You yelp in surprise as you try to fight back. Funnily enough, it’s not the first time you guys engage in play fighting out of spite, but this time he really caught you off guard.

“Give up” Keegan says, his voice low and teasing. He holds you below him, trapping you between his body and the bed. It's impossible to move. Keegan uses his hands to hold your arms down at your sides. He smirks and leans down closer to your face. “C'mon, surrender.”

You scoff before sticking out your tongue in defiance.

Keegan laughs and leans closer so that your faces are only a couple inches apart. He stares into your eyes deeply. “That's not going to help you; you are so childish.” He looks at you with a smirk. His eyes searching into yours. “What's the matter...can't handle me?” He mocks you as you struggle; you can feel his breath on your face.

Your cheeks grow hot as you glare at him. “You are a jerk!”

Keegan smiles and moves his face close enough so that your noses are almost touching. “I'm the jerk, huh?” He speaks with his husky voice as he stares you down. He holds that position for just a moment before he leans in and presses his lips against yours. He pulls you into a tight, passionate kiss.

Your eyes widen as you yelp softly.

Keegan continues to kiss you deeply, running his hands over your body. The feeling of your skin is intoxicating.

You feel yourself melting into him. His touch is unlike anything you've ever felt before.

Keegan breaks the kiss for a while but doesn't move away. Your mouth and his collide for a moment longer before he pulls away. His chest heaves with each breath.

You're both breathless.

You look up at him with doe eyes and slightly parted lips, speechless.

Keegan looks down at you with a mischievous smile. He runs a hand through his luscious hair before he speaks in a sultry tone. “You know, you're not as feisty as I thought. One kiss, and you turned into mush.”

You glower at him in response as you speak between your teeth. “You play so dirty.”

Keegan grins. “You can't tell me you don't like it," he says in a low whisper. "I can feel you trembling in excitement."

You look up at him coyly before looking away by turning your head to the side, embarrassed, and shutting your eyes in the process.

Keegan leans over and takes your chin, forcing you to look at him again. Those beautiful hunter eyes of his bore into yours. “Come on, look at me.”

He leans in towards your face again, and you see his eyes slowly close. Then your mouths come together again in another hot, heavy kiss. Keegan's hand reaches into the back of your hair as you moan softly. He grips at it and pulls you closer to his lips without inflicting any pain. Your tongues play together as Keegan takes control of the kiss and explores all over your mouth. He keeps his hold on you as he slowly pushes his knee more in between your tangled legs. He deepens the kiss even further, holding you close as his breath becomes raspy and he groans softly.

The sensation is overwhelming.

You place one of your hands on his shoulder as the other slithers its way up to be pressed up against his chest. You let little noises out, getting lost in it all as you no longer even remember why you were both arguing.

Keegan keeps kissing you for several more minutes before finally pulling back again. He looks at you, breathing somewhat heavily, before he speaks with a growl. “God, I want you. I can't wait another second." Keegan doesn't wait for a reply. He pulls you closer and rolls you over, so you get on all fours before he hovers on top of you.

You turn your head to look at him with flushed cheeks and half-lidded eyes.

Keegan lowers himself down onto you and pushes his body against yours, making your back arch and your chest get squished against the bed. He pins your arms down on the bed. Keegan can feel every inch of your soft body. He kisses down your neck and slowly starts working his way down as he holds your body tightly against his.

You groan slightly in response as he bites your neck abruptly. “D-dammit Keegan…”

Keegan kisses your bare shoulders and down the curve of your spine, making you shriver. He takes his time. Keegan grins at your protest, but he doesn't stop. He holds you tight against him as he slowly pulls your shirt upward, leaving your back exposed. He runs his hand lightly across your chest, making you moan softly. Keegan stops moving and keeps himself pressed against you. You can hear every breath he takes; his lips hover closely over your skin as he can feel you grow impatient. He then rests his head on your shoulder to speak softly beside your ear. “Just wait,” he whispers. “It's going to be worth it.” Keegan's hand moves down your body, and he grabs the waistband of your shorts. He starts to slowly pull them down your thighs, leaving them bunched around your knees and exposing your soft flesh. Keegan kisses up your bare back again as he playfully fondles your soft butt. He then proceeds to bite at the skin on your shoulder and then licks the spot with his tongue. You can feel him breathing against you as he continues kissing and biting your skin.

You turn your head again to get a better look at him.

Keegan leans down, and his mouth meets yours again, kissing you deeply.

You moan softly as you press your butt against him playfully, asking for more.

Keegan moves on top of you completely, his weight pressing down on your back. You can feel his excitement pressing against you.

He grabs your hips and pulls you towards him. His mouth moves back to your ear again, and he makes a soft sound. “Tell me what is it. What do you want? Tell me what you really want.” Keegan's voice is barely more than a whisper. His breath tickles your skin as you lie under him on the bed.

“I want you…” You say with a hint of desperation as you keep moving your hips to rub against him.

Keegan's breath catches in the back of his throat at your actions. His eyes dilate slightly before he presses his hips harder against you. He groans softly and kisses your neck again as he moves his hand to grab onto your breast. He starts to grind against you too, his hips pressing into yours.

You can feel a pool of arousal leaking from between your thighs as you can’t wait anymore.

Keegan sits back up on the bed, pulling his belt off, accompanied by a rustling sound, before throwing it away from him. His eyes flicker over your body, and his breathing quickens when he sees how wet you are. “Oh, would you look at that?” He says with amusement dripping off his sly tone. I could eat you up right now. He grins at you, his voice husky and full of desire. Keegan sees you trying to peek, so he flips you around so your back is against the bed before he throws your clothes to the side. He climbs between your legs. Your bare back is against the soft sheets. He leans down over you, his hands on either side of your body, with your legs spread open. His piercing gaze over your beautiful figure before meeting your eyes again.

The intensity of this moment unmistakably hangs in the air.

You bring your hands up to cover your chest shyly before biting into the nail of your thumb as your eyes trail down his body with curiosity. You also take the moment to carefully look at the tattoos on him.

Keegan glances at you, noticing the way you're looking at him. He smirks and runs his hand up your knee to your upper thigh. His fingers lightly glide across your bare skin. Keegan moves his hand towards your inner thigh as his eyes drop down to your soaking cunt. He slides his thumb as he presses onto your sensitive bud, agonizing slowly before he introduces two fingers together and gradually opens them teasingly as he takes a look at the dripping slick.

Your breath hitches as a result of his actions.

Keegan leans closer to you again, his body hovering over yours as he whispers lowly. "God, you're driving me insane.” He presses his lips onto yours hungrily.

You can feel the subtle way he toys with your sensitive clit as his other hand grabs onto your waist.

Keegan is breathing slowly and deeply. His hot breath brushes against your skin.

You can feel his fingertips making their way into you again with a squelch.

Keegan takes his sweet time touching you. You feel the warm and tight sensation of his fingers teasing your sweet spot. After a while, you are so close. It seems as if he is holding his breath and carefully studying you.

You yelp and tense up a little as you look at him with pleading eyes.

Then, suddenly, Keegan stops.

You whine out, frustrated at the loss of movement.

Keegan lifts himself up slightly and moves his fingers away from you and into his mouth, tasting your arousal with a breathy growl. He looks down at you and chuckles quietly before smiling. “So impatient. I guess I’m going to have to teach you how to wait…. I think you're more than ready.” He looks down at you. There's something in his eyes that you don't think you've ever seen before.

“It’s very late.” You mumble in your defense before being forced to shut up by him slowly pushing his aching cock into you.

He angles himself perfectly before his tongue slides into your mouth. Keegan presses into you until you're fully pinned with a hand holding your wrists over your head.

(“This asshole! I had a point.”) You think before your thoughts slowly fade away as you squirm and moan loudly into him.

Keegan keeps slowly moving into you; his movements slow and steady. It's almost as if he is savoring every single moment of this. As his tongue caresses yours, you feel his chest heaving, and your bodies are squished against each other. His hand is resting on your hip as the other goes to hold your chin up.

You close your eyes and give into the moment, allowing him to take over your body.

Keegan bottoms out and starts a steady but slow pace. His lips are still pressed against you as his tongue explores your mouth.

Keegan's other hand moves up your body, lightly caressing your skin in the way.

You have your eyes closed shut, and move your hands up to hold onto his shoulders with a muffled moan, digging your nails into them.

Keegan groans when you dig into his flesh as he kneads one of your breasts with a hand before rolling your sensitive perky nipple in between his fingers.

You can only sense him in this moment, his breath against your skin, the vibration of his groans, his touch. It's as if you're both drowning in your own intense need for one another.

He speeds up slightly, bringing his rhythm to the perfect pace. Your back arches beneath him, almost instinctively as you moan. Keegan kisses down your neck and moves his mouth down to your chest to suck on your other hard nipple. You can feel his hot breath as he continues kissing you, and his hand begins to make its way down your body.

You are quickly reduced to a moaning mess, and you tremble as your eyes start to tear up. Keegan chuckles when he hears the way in which you moan and then kisses your collarbone. His fingers meet your clit, and he quickly pinches it softly.

Keegan keeps kissing you deeply and relentlessly, his tongue exploring every inch of your mouth and his thumb rubs circles on your clit slowly.

You start to get very loud, which causes him to find a way to shush you just in case.

Keegan's other hand goes to your throat, his fingers wrapping around your neck and gently applying pressure. There's a certain intensity to it, but he's still tender with each touch. The way you are moaning and writhing below him is like a drug. Every sound you make sends a wave of pleasure throughout his body.

You wrap your legs around his waist, and it’s making him go crazy. Keegan's mouth leaves yours, and he starts to kiss down your chest. His tongue works every inch of the skin there. His hand releases the hold it has on your throat. He kisses from the center of your chest all the way down to your stomach. Keegan's breath is heavy, and he sounds almost as if he is in a daze. His fingers press into the skin of your hip, leaving marks, even though he is trying his best to be gentle.

The tears pool in your eyes as you look directly into his, too lost in pleasure.

Keegan looks down at you. Your hair is disheveled, and your lips are slightly red as he continues moving his hands all over your body. Every touch and every stroke of his fingers makes you shiver.

The look in Keegan's eyes is almost obsessive. He's drinking in every part of you.

“F-fuck.” You say overwhelmed by how full you feel, accompanied by a series of whimpers.

Keegan doesn't stop moving. His gaze is focused on your body as your tits bounce up and down.

You feel his warm breath on your skin as he bites your ear. He then leans down and kisses you deeply. You whine as your eyes roll back before they are shut tightly. You dig your nails into him hard enough to draw blood.

Keegan brings his hand up to hold you by your wrists again. Your arms rest on the bed, on top of your head, and your legs are still wrapped around him, squeezing him harder. He bites your shoulder softly in a playful way to get back at you, his breath hot against your skin. His fingers keep moving over your weak spots.

You pant heavily as you moan, completely dumbed down by this point.

Keegan presses his lips against your shoulder, where he bit you. Your body is still tightly pinned beneath him. Your skin under his touch is hot and sensitive by now. He moves one hand to your lips and lightly brushes them with his thumb. He notices your lips are trembling, and you can't get enough of his touch. Keegan looks down at you with half-lidded eyes. You feel as if you could lose yourself in those eyes right now.

You take his finger in between your lips and lewdly suck on it as he moves against your body. You can hear a low rumble in his throat as his breath quickens.

Keegan slowly starts to pick up the pace. His hand rests on your hip as the other softly tucks one of your nipples. His mouth meets yours again, his kiss growing more aggressive and he pushes more against you. His lips never leaving yours.

You squirm and moan loudly, feeling like you’ll lose your mind.

Keegan's kisses become more urgent and desperate.

You feel as if you're being drowned by stimulation.

Every touch, every kiss, and every breath coming from him is being picked up by you.

You can't think of anything else but him. You whine helplessly as you raise one of your hands and find a way to his, grabbing onto it tightly and interlocking your fingers with his. [I’m sorry this is so lewd] He growls and squeezes your hand in return. His mouth leaves yours, and he presses his lips against your neck before you feel his teeth just barely touching your skin.

You feel overwhelmed, as your senses are totally flooded.

Keegan's other hand still has a hold of your hip, his fingers pressing against it tightly.

You yelp and squeeze around him tighter, feeling like you are about to snap. “Hah! K-Keegan! I’m- “

Keegan chuckles as he presses his teeth harder onto your neck, holding you by your hip against him as he thrusts into you.

You can’t help it, and you quickly come undone with a whine, dragging him over the edge as well.

Keegan’s body jerks forward slightly as he lets out a breathy grunt and hot strings of cum spurt inside of you. “Goddammit”

You shake violently and wail out as he finishes riding his high with a couple of thrusts while your face contorts in pleasure.

His hand is still intertwined with yours tightly. Keegan exhales sharply as his body relaxes; his breathing is heavy and agitated. He gives you a quick peck on the forehead before slowly moving to sit up. He takes a really good look at your beautiful, fucked out form for a second before he gently wipes some of your tears away with his hand. His eyes seem so different and tender now. “You were so loud.” He mocks you with a smirk.

You pant heavily with a pouty face as you tremble slightly. “What? You t-think Elias could have heard?” You say breathlessly, almost giggling.

Keegan chuckles, his eyes calm, as he makes sure you are okay. He playfully rubs his thumb on your waist and moves his lips to meet yours yet again in a sweet, tender kiss before pulling back. “Good question. Hmmm~ I guess we'll find out when the sun is up. But for now, I think we should sleep. We're going on a mission soon, so we need our rest.” Keegan leans back again. He's using one arm to hold himself up, and the other arm is wrapping around your waist, his fingers slowly rubbing across your skin before he pulls out to scoop you up and roll onto his back.

You catch your breath as you melt into his arms comfortably before speaking softly in a playful tone. “I don’t think this is what Elias had in mind when he told us to get along.”

Keegan grins as you can feel his comforting heartbeat from there. “But in the end, I'd say we got along just fine. A little too much, maybe." He chuckles lowly.

He's patting your head tenderly and soothing you to sleep. Keegan is still pressed close to you, his chest rising and falling with every breath. His eyes slowly roam around the room for a moment, scanning it, before settling back down on your already sleeping form.

Eventually, he closes his eyes as well, and his body relaxes with his arms wrapped around you in a warm hug.

It’s really early in the morning, and he wakes up first. You were now facing down, nuzzling his chest.

Keegan opens his eyes and looks down at you, his lips curled up in a smirk. He caresses your hair with his hand before speaking with that husky voice of his. “Hey, sleepyhead.” Keegan rubs his thumb on your cheek gently to wake you up as he speaks to you softly. “You need to wake up soon. We gotta leave this place, remember?”

Your eyes slowly flutter open, and you look up at him with half-lidded eyes.

"Morning, darlin’. " He keeps rubbing your cheek with his thumb. “Get up before Elias comes in here and sees you like this.” He mocks.

You groan softly, wanting to sleep a little more, but you end up slowly sitting up with your hair looking puffy as you try to keep your eyes open.

Keegan chuckles and gently taps your chin with his finger to keep you awake. He looks over at you as you sit up. Keegan is still lying down and still has his arm around you.

“We don't have much time. We should head out now before Elias comes in here and chews us out.”Keegan's eyes look over your body, and he sees the love marks over your bare shoulders and neck as you are partially wrapped by the sheets. “And also, you might want to put some clothes on.” He raised a brow.

You quickly grow embarrassed as you realize you are naked and try to cover yourself better.

Keegan hands you your bag with clothes and chuckles in a playful tone. “Don't worry, I've seen it all.” He then turns to get himself geared up and give you space.

You pout at him before sliding into your uniform and fixing your hair. After you hop out of bed to be met by your wobbly legs.

He's putting on his belt when you get up, and he shakes his head playfully once he sees you wobbling. “What’s all that about?” He raises a brow again.

“Nothing….” You say putting on your shoes shyly.

“Don't you give me that. You almost fell over a second ago.” He laughs and finishes putting on his gear.

“I just tripped over something.” You blatantly lie before tying your boots.

“Oh really? What did you trip over?” Keegan is just teasing you a bit as he finishes putting on his helmet and fixing his mask. He stands up in front of you, searching for his shoes.

“…..your shoe” You lie again as you stand up and try to stretch to ease the aching you are feeling.

He chuckles and rolls his eyes. “Are you all good to walk?” He asks as he grabs your shoulder briefly.

“Of course, I just tripped on a shoe.” You say defensively as you stand up straight.

“A shoe, right…” Keegan raises a brow in curiosity, and his eyes glance downward. His gaze quickly darts back up to your face.

“You forgot your bra.” He smirks slightly under the mask.

You had forgotten to put your bra on since you were feeling so sleepy.

You turn away, embarrassed, before removing your shirt and putting the bra around you as you try to clasp it from behind. You were out of it. “Ugh, of course I did.” You mumble under your breath.

He laughs softly and moves behind you. “Let me help. There, much better.” He pats your shoulder playfully. “Now let's go before Elias thinks we murdered each other during the night.”

You nod, put your shirt back on, and grab your things before giving him a warm smile and stepping out into the wasteland.

Keegan is a few steps behind you as he puts his rifle in place, but he keeps looking over at you repeatedly to make sure that you aren't tripping for any reason.

You see Elias sitting by the broken vehicle as he barks orders into his mic.

Shortly after he is done, he looks up at both of you walking towards him. “Oh, great, you guys didn’t behead each other last night; this is progress; I was about to drag your asses in here.”

Keegan chuckles and throws you a playful side glance. “It was a close one, though,” he says with a smirk visible under his mask. Elias rolls his eyes before your ride arrives.

[xjulixred45x]

Yandere Alphabet: Dead Royalty Zagreus

Using this as a (kind of?) precuel to the Drabble i'm about to do about yandere Zagreus of the AU i did where he kills Hades for good and he's the new king of the Underworld.

Warnings: YANDERE BEHAVIOR, OVERPROTECTION, OBSESIVE BEHAVIOR, Zagreus has TRAUMA, mentions of murder and intimidation (not to reader/Consort! They're fine).

Affection: How do they show their love and affection? How intense would it get?

For someone whom get married bc Zeus said so, Zagreus is such a sweetheart in showing how much he loves His Consort.

I Say it before in another post, but Consort brings back some of the old Zagreus that everyone miss. Being it by he giving them gifts (ambrosia, clothes, things to entretain themself meanwhile he is at work), phisical affection(hugs, Kisses, carrying them around bride style) or with words(compliments, soft praise, pet names), he is NEVER out of options when it comes to spoil his Darling.

I would Said that he's a solid 7/10 in the scale of intense. Like, he IS intense, but it could be worse, he tries to give His partner space WHEN THEY ASK TO(if they don't do it he will continue without problem bc lets be honest, the man is touch Starved BAD).

Blood: How messy are they willing to get when it comes to their darling?

REALLY MESSY, You see him rampaging the Underworld just to meet His mother. For Consort, he would kill His father AGAIN.

He is a Big one in the killing of posible "suitors"(which find insulting bc Consort is already Married TO HIM) that Consort may have, and His understand of "suitors" can go from a Suitor itself to a person who was wayyyy to friendly to be platonic, or a person who is "turning Consort against him" somehow(like, idk, pointing out His strange behavior?).

He is also very enthusiast about getting rid of the people who did Bad to Consort in the past, being a Friend who betrayed them, their parents or sibilings, ANYONE who hurted Consort in the past is in the black list of Zag, and he is nothing if not ressentfull and stubborn.

Cruelty: How would they treat their darling once abducted? Would they mock them?

ABSOLULTY NOT. Zagreus may be lay back in an attemp to calm them down, but he would NEVER mock their fear or intentionally make them uneasy around him.

Once Consort it' set in the Underworld, they have to get use to a very clingy, very loving Zag, it's dosen't really change much honestly. When they find out about Zag Yandere Tendencies, Zagreus dosen't change, he's Just glad that he dosen't "have to lied to them anymore" bc it's very aware that THAT would scare them. But now?he just have to make sure they don't leave.

Ironic...

Darling: Aside from abduction, would they do anything against their darling’s will?

Not much honestly, Zag tries His hardest to NOT take away every right that Consort has, bc he has been on that situation before(with Hades trying to prevent him from leaving and treating him like shit), he KNOWS how frustrating and upseting it is, but he can't bring himself on let Consort go.

Zagreus can AND WILL do things in a way Consort feels comfortable and don't force them to do anything besides staying. They don't wanna have children? That's fine, it's not like Zagreus is eager to continue His father legacy anyway. They don't wanna share the same Bed/room as Zagreus? Fair enough, they'll have their own room. Things like that.

Consort can go as they please for the Underworld (the creatures/guards know better than trying to hurt them, specially Theseus) EXCEPT the Temple of Styx, then they only can go with Zagreus or with a person of high trust(like Thanatos or Meg, most likely Meg).

In a good scenario, Zagreus even gets out with Consort to the mortal world! Be it to the temples to His father, meet the other Gods, even some mortals that adore Hades/Zagreus, etc.

Exposed: How much of their heart do they bare to their darling? How vulnerable are they when it comes to their darling?

Oh, pretty vulnerable. He seems pretty scary at first when Consort just marry him, but once he gained enough trust(and obsession) on Consort, Zagreus would be quite open about anything they ask, whatever it is. Even sensitive themes like His father.

Zagreus likes to think he's being honest MOST OF THE TIME, to make sure Consort they can trust him bc he trust in them(and it worked! Kinda), to make them happy. He is not exacly afraid of being emotional vulnerable with Consort, he just has lots of unpacked trauma and dosen't know what to do with it (much less now that almost everyone in House of Hades see him different..), so it's almost good for him being like this. He likes it.

The only thing he lied about was about what happen to the suitors of Consort(and ANYONE in general that get in His way honestly), and still he thinks that was just a white lie instead of a blasting crime and abuse of power.

Fight: How would they feel if their darling fought back?

Mostly heart broken, because he KNOWS he caused this, he made them despise him, but he is selfish, so even then, he would't let them get away. He tries to shush them and comfort them, remind them that he loves them, that he's sorry that they have to see THAT. Eventually he gets even better at comfort thanks to this.

A part of him is given a strange feeling of nostalgia? Like in the times when he was the one running away from the Underworld, he thinks that maybe this is His karma for that.

Game: Is this a game to them? How much would they enjoy watching their darling try to escape?

It's not a Game and he gets worried SICK when he finds out that Consort it's out there trying to escape, do they even know what kind of danger is in the Chambers of Tartarus only? How Bad things can end if they get across the wrong person??

He don't enjoy this in the slightless, he is a panic mess until he finds Consort and bring them back to the house of Hades safe and sound.

Hell: What would be their darling’s worst experience with them?

Two very different times.

The first one was the first time Consort and Zagreus where introduced to each other for Zeus. Consort was so scared of Zagreus-their future HUSBAND, and the worst part was that Zagreus didn't even tried to stop the proccess in the slightless(maybe out of shock or trying not to make Zeus mad).

The second one, way after this, after Consort and Zagreus fall in love; Consort finds Zagreus giving one of Consort "suitors" one of the most nightmarerish tortures they even seen(Fury level TORTURE if You get what i'm saying). This is what caused after all the attemps to run away from Zagreus, because if he is capable of doing such things to a stranger, what about them?

(he would never, but Consort it's way too hurt from this to listen to His "REASONS")

Ideals: What kind of future do they have in mind for/with their darling?

Mmm...that's a hard one.

Zagreus didn't even have in mind killing His father, much less becoming King! But now he is more responsible, even more ambisious, so i would say that his plans with Consort are either continue as they are now, riging over the Underworld, better than His father could, or maybe Even go to Olympus some time! Who knows! He is not restricted anymore! He's gonna take adventage of it!

If we talk about a figure where Melinoe exist as His and Consort's Daughter, he's over the moon, that would be a life he would't mind..

Jealousy: Do they get jealous? Do they lash out or find a way to cope?

Oh, he GETS Jealous, and it's escalets pretty quickly. If he copes or explotes, depends on the person and how they act around Consort.

For example, in the Surface, Consort tends to be revere for his worshipers, which is okay! It's the way Zagreus expect Consort to be treated. But it's some of them it's a little too friend/close, he just put Consort on His lap and demands affection(mainly kisses). That normally works to calm him down.

NOW, if is Someone like, idk...THESEUS, when he and Consort go to Elysium to see the Champions and the Pompous bastard is bold enough to try to "make a move" on Zag's partner...yeah, he'll lash out on him, it will not be pretty. (Fortunally, he's never mad at Consort for this kind of things. He trust them! He dosen't trust other people around them..)

Kisses: How do they act around or with their darling?

A love sick puppy, he is way more cheerfull than when he is alone or even working at the main Hall, Consort's presence brings a Big smile to His face. It's almost creepy to the people not used to see "the Godkiller" being this friendly and happy while working.

He acts like the Zagreus before the disaster but a little more calmer. Almost demure(bc it's way more easy to get under his skin now), and obviously, pretty clingy. If he's working, he wants Consort on his lap while finishing paperwork. If he's redecoring, he has an arm around them, etc. It's cute in a way.

Love letters: How would they go about courting or approaching their darling?

When Consort first got to House of Hades, Zagreus tried to get to know them better in one of the Best ways he knows, ambrosia! And in general at first their interactions we're little and only when Zag start them to give Consort a gift. Gifts that grow of worth and personal value the more he knows them, the more he falls for them.

When Consort started the interactions on their own, Zag's was OVER THE MOON! And start use what would be His signature way of get to know Darling, do tasks with Consort! Whatever it was administrative(Zag's nightmare) or more diplomatic, they get to have good times!

Other way of counting to Zagreus is phisical contact, CONSTANTLY(if they're fine with it), and in general is the softest version of the counting of an average god(maybe it's ctotic thing?being decent spouses?).

Mask: Are their true colors drastically different from the way they act around everyone else?

Nah. He still worship his partner and absolulty adores them, the only difference is the violence he use against OTHER PEOPLE.

Zagreus tends to be quieter around the other people in House of Hades(bc they also are pretty tense with him) but it's not hostile. You can talk to him normally and even have a chat(as long as You don't talk shit about Consort), he's not that different. Just more reserved.

Naughty: How would they punish their darling?

Punishment? Whats that?-Zagreus, probably.

Yeah, he dosen't like the idea of a punishment of any sort. Not only bc that would make him just the same as Hades, but bc he just CANT STAND the sight of Consort in pain. Much less If said pain is caused BY HIM.

The most close thing that he got to a "punishment" was isolation for not even two days, and honestly? It hurt him more than Consort. It's like it's punishing himself most likely.

But yeah, he dosen't do that. He thinks that if he gives a reason to Consort to fear him, they will just hate him even more, they'll want to leave more. He don't want to be a cause of their fear, he wants them to stay bc they like it here. So nop. No punishment (besides, he has escaped the Underworld times enough to know that the task itself it's a pain in the ass, thats ENOUGH).

Oppression: How many rights would they take away from their darling?

Besides from leaving the Underworld (or most likely, leaving HIM) not much honestly, again, Zagreus KNOWS how Consort feels likes in the situation, he's been there, so he's not wiling to make them feel like they are His prisioner, because their NOT, they are His partner, the love of His life.

The only other thing i can see Zagreus activily preventing His partner to do is killing themself to stay in the Underworld in a Willing Route. Bc OBVIOUS REASONS. And maybe giving them weopons bc they are dangerous. Aside from that, Consort has the same freedoms and priviliges as Zagreus.

Patience: How patient are they with their darling?

For a greek god, he's surprisesingly patience, an a GREAT level of patience.

Zagreus don't rush things with Consort (he thinks even when they're nervious or acting awkward is adorable), he waited for them to come around and they fall in love naturally(until the yandere tendencies strike), and in general he's self aware that he being a god and Consort being a Mortal make some things dificult, so, he's willing to wait.

He can endure Consort's lectures about how wrong he is about the suitors matter, how horrible it is, their screams and cries, he can endure it, because he KNOWS that Consort just don't understand that's how Gods are, and it's fine, after all, their only job is stay and love him, and meanwhile they do it, he's just fine.

Quit: If their darling dies, leaves, or successfully escapes, would they ever be able to move on?

Escaping Zagreus is almost imposible for His Godly parients (i talk more about it in the V), and the only way of escaping FOR GOOD would be getting out of Greece. If that happens, i really doubt that Zagreus is able to move on.

He'll trow a Demeter move, he'll neglect all of His duties as god of the Underworld until His parients find Consort. And NOTHING but that will make him change His mind. I can see him worsening His Masochist tendencies.

Regret: Would they ever feel guilty about abducting their darling? Would they ever let their darling go?

Yes and no.

Does Zagreus regrets they meet in Bad circumstances? Yes. Does he regrets being Married to them anyways? No.

Does Zagreus regrets scaring Consort with the torture of their suitors(and maybe some of their Friends)? Yes. Does he regret what he did to those people? No.

He regrets they bad consecuences/reactions those actions caused, but he dosen't actually regret nothing. He seems them as necesary. For the same, he's not willing to let Consort get away from him or, Gods forbite, fall in love with someone else. Just...no.

Stigma: What brought about this side of them (childhood, curiosity, etc)?

Definitely the actual relationship he has with the people of House of Hades. Don't get me wrong, His childhood as the despised son of Hades has something to do with him being touch starved and eager to love, but the recent events change EVERYTHING in His life.

Before murdering Hades, Zagreus was seen as a troublemaker, but not as a danger, he was a friend, a godling that his parients tried to help and His friends NEVER though they would fear. But after what he did, everyone seems...tense around him, like he's not the same anymore. Maybe they're right, yes, but hurts seeing them look at him with such...pain...fear.

With Consort is another Story, they only know the version of Zagreus that everyone FEARS AND RESPECTS, but they get to know him and, surprisesingly, see the good old side of him, trust him genuinely. Zagreus LOVES THAT.

Loves that he's not feared for them, loves that Consort sees both sides of him, loves that they SEE HIM for who he is, not a king or a Godkiller, but just Zagreus. He miss that horribly and Consort give him that back. And he's not willing to lose it.

Tears: How do they feel about seeing their darling scream, cry, and/or isolate themselves?

Guilty and sad mostly. He tries to comfort them the Best he can, but sometimes that just makes things worse and he decides to leave them some space(not too much space thoug, in cases they need something or try to do something...drastic).

Ironicly, he can handle better when Consort yells or cries than when they isoltaes themselfs. At least in the first two they INTERACT with him and he can try and negociate something for them to feel better (like their favorite food or going to Elysium for a walk), but isolation? It's HURTS HIM being ignored and don't know what to do(so You could use this one if You want something).

Unique: Would they do anything different from the classic yandere?

I'll Say he is the most soft yandere You'll ever see, more for a god of the Underworld. He is not exacly menacing(?) someway. He dosen't kiddnap Consort per se, His family does(through an arrange affair with Zeus)! That's pretty un-convencional if You ask me.

Vice: What weakness can their darling exploit in order to escape?

The mayor weakness Consort could use to get away from Zagreus is his límited time in the surface, bc even now it takes time to get out there, so if Consort gets out and Zagreus don't get to drag them with him to the Underworld, theres is a good chance to get way!

But i would't be very optimistic, Zag is very stubborn and he'll go UP THERE just to fetch them, with the help of all of his Godly parients, just like the old times. There would be NO WHERE TO HIDE with ZEUS HIMSELF lending a hand, POSEIDON making imposible to sail, and HERMES running around with His followers in research for "coz' lost mate".

I would say there's a higher chance to do it if You have Persephone (and extension, Demeter) on your side, but it would be futile against the KING OF THE GODS. Worth the shot though.

Wit’s end: Would they ever hurt their darling?

NO.

Zagreus may have a fucked up sense of love in this AU, but definitely he don't forget how painfull and understimated is phisical pain(His deaths speaks themselfs..) so he would never even raise His hand to Consort. Ever.

He may raise His voice when he's mad or worried or carry them/pin them, but honestly that's it, there's no violence, there's no phisical nor emotional pain. He can't Bring himself to do it. Even when some of His parients tries to encourge him to be "rougher" with His Darling, he really just see them as a fragile creature that must be take care of.

Xoanon: How much would they revere or worship their darling? To what length would they go to win their darling over?

He's head over heels for Consort, i can picture him as a worshiper Yandere honestly(bc 1- that feeds His idea that no one really deserves them And 2- its feels complementary to His Masochist tendencies), no matter if they are mortals or "under his level" for His family standards, they are a God/Godess to Zagreus eyes.

He would kill for Consort, he would die for Consort. Either way is a bliss.

He is up to anything to win them over, EXCEPT maybe hurting some specific members of the house of Hades that bring him jelousy (like Thanatos, for respect for their friendship). Besides that, he's even up to get rid of Consort's WHOLE family tree if that gives them a reason to stay in the Underworld.

Still, he wants to go for the no-violence route, and romance them "properly"(sort of...).

Yearn: How long do they pine after their darling before they snap?

Not a long time. It's a soon as Zagreus feels connected in a meanfull way with Consort that he "snaps" and makes plans to make them want to stay and don't leave the Underworld, Zagreus don't Even consider His sudden dark feelings "snaping" either, bc he has this mindset of "well, we ARE already married, it's COMPLETLY NORMAL i am very observant of them And i want them to stay"

Zenith: Would they ever break their darling?

Luckily, no. He is way too soft and unwiling to make them suffer (at least on prupose)that it's virtually imposible that Consort ends up broken for his fault. It's most likely that they develop Stockholm syndrome and either 1) stop trying to get way from Zagreus or 2) they get away from Zagreus but they come Back because...they miss him.

In both cases Consort ends up turning a Blind eye to the horrible things that Zagreus has done(and posible keep doing, but more carefully), but it's kind of a new status quo. They're okay again and Zagreus seems happy than ever...Consort can't bring themself to break it again. To break HIM.

It's for the better. I promise.

(this awesome drawing belongs to the Twitter/X artist kurosaki_sasori, here's the link to the original piece , show them support!)

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[buttercup12233]

Alastor is such a Gary stu that wants everybody to know that he's "sCaRy" because he can have black eyes and red pupils, turn big, and shoot out tentacles. Like bro. That's not creepy. And most of his lines fucking suck. How does he know about modern slang? Didn't this guy die during the great fucking depression? Not to mention, this guy swears a whole lot. It would've been perfect if the only time he ever swore was when his staff got broken apart. That would've really shocked the audience. I wouldn't mind him saying "fuck" a few times, but when that shit becomes a common thing, that's a problem. Swearing wasn't common in the 1900's. So why is Alastor using it on a daily basis. He no longer stands out from the cast. He's just another edge lord. He says the most corniest lines too like omg everytime he says ONE embarrassing word, I have to pause from watching the show bc the guy gives me second hand embarrassment. He's trying so hard to be terrifying that it's not working. For some reason, Alastor just wants power.... I'm not sure if it was planned from the start, but the execution is dog shit in my opinion. Pilot Alastor was done better than this. The reason why pilot Alastor was so creepy and overall an amazing character, at least in my opinion, was because you didn't really know exactly how he was feeling, or what was going on inside his head. The whole point of him volunteering to 'help' Charlie run the hotel was that he could see sinners fail and give himself some entertainment. He even flat out admits it in the pilot. But then you just have that gut feeling that there's something more going on with Alastor. That he's probably planning something else than just finding entertainment. Let the 'him wanting power' be like a b plot if THAT was the case (explain why he even wants power too bc if he just WANTS it for the sake of it, then that's boring). And I think what was the most exciting thing about his character, was that he was mysterious. Notice how the only times he EVER used his power or lost his cool was when Angel Dust claimed that he could suck his dick, or when Sir Pentious interrupted his song and threatened to literally hurt him. I swear, this guy used his title as the radio demon for times when it was appropriate. That's what I loved about Pilot Al. He wasn't trying to be creepy unless it was needed. In this show, he desperately wants people to fear him. He even tries to pick a fight with everybody, even the ones who are kind to him. He's a complete asshole and a dickhead. And I'm just like "boo, fucking corny, bitch". Idk, man. It's pro just me. But I hate Alastor so goddamn fucking much. At least in the show. He gives me headaches, he's a Gary stu, and I can't believe this mf got away with talking trash to the KING OF HELL like holy SHIT. Why didn't his ass get humbled at the moment there? He just got freewill the whole time during season one without consequences. Besides Adam tearing his ass up.

Alastor is just so- ugh.

I beg for you guys to let me know if some of my points were invalid. I would actively listen to them. I was just in rage the whole entire time while writing this, so my mind was just clouded with 'wtf happened to the cool guy I once loved' and just...RAAAAAH. so please don't hesitate to speak out. I'm aware that not EVERYBODY will agree with what I say. But it's great to hear y'all's opinions about this. Thank you.

[couldnt-think-of-a-funny-name]

I love jack so so much he's perfect but tbh I do think it would've worked much more with the show if he was a destiel baby instead of lucifer's. and I'm not just saying that as a shipper or whatever I mean narratively it would've been a lot cleaner- and actually, I think it would've been super funny to no-homo them creating a baby together, like, literally all they would have to do is say "oh, when cas rebuilt dean after hell he accidentally left some grace tangled in his soul, and every time he's healed him since then it's been growing stronger until a nephilim was born". like yes the studio is homophibic etc etc but all the jokes they'd make about dean being spiritually pregnant would be very funny for me personally.

but ANYWAY, jack's story gets messy and convoluted and I think this would've been like...a simple fix. them worrying about him going dark side could be because they're worried how demon!dean and lucifer!cas affected him in development, the show LOVES bloodline drama, chuck's wanting abraham and issac 2.0 would've worked better this way, dean's storyline with him would be improved, bc rather than 'oh no I slowly but surely emotionally adopted the antichrist' like I think he would've had an easier time clocking his john-behavoir if it wasn't a question whether he was jack's dad or not. plus last time dean actively raised a kid he went to great lengths to keep the supernatural away from him, so it'd be interesting to see how he handles a kid he CANT possibly hide from this part of his life. it would make more sense why michael wanted jack as a vessel- yes obviously he wanted the nephilim power boost but also having him as part of the winchester bloodline, making him a PERFECT vessel he doesn't have to worry about burning up would add a lot. we could also use this argument for why lucifer is so interested in him if anyone actually liked that plotline in season 14 lmao. we know chuck hated cas and dean's relationship, could you imagine if he checked in and found out they made an unauthorized baby together���� like that really would've given better context for why he hates jack so much. cas wouldn't need that whole weird brainwashing arc to wanna protect unborn jack, PLUS it could've been an interesting source of angst for him- he feels like he's failed once again, creating an abomination and putting dean in danger, but also still loves jack immensely. it'd be so good! also imagine how fucking stressed out heaven would be to find out a mini castiel is on the way. they wouldn't even wanna exploit that kid for power they'd be preemptively treating the headaches they know they're gonna get lmfao.

also. the casting directors literally put jensen and misha into a face morph app and cast the first actor they could find that matched the results. which would've made more sense if,,,,he was just Theirs. the comedy of dean and cas making a baby before either of them managed to admit their feelings to each other would be more fun then the "dude adopted a kid and pawns him off on his unwilling roommate's all the time and they eventually warm up to the kid" storyline we actually got. we also could've replaced some of the jack-dean angst from the show with "dean wants to connect more with jack but he feels shut out whenever cas is around bc he can't relate to any angel stuff so obviously jack's going to cas for help more!", which I think would be interesting!! how AWFUL dean and cas would feel that jack didn't feel safe enough to be a baby. dad!sam is still in full swing but he cares for jack right off the bat instead of trying to use him for his powers at first. lily sunder talking about how cas killed her kid bc he thought it was a nephilim and dean, who's already fully aware he's (spiritually) knocked up by cas is like 👹 inch resting cas-tee-elle tell me more. mary having a 'my baby has a baby' crisis. cas insisting jack looks nothing like him is a running joke but then at some point he explains its bc jack's 'true form' looks just like dean's soul....

ALSO- in a show where, canonically, the very first act of free will was cas falling in love with dean...the physical manifestation of that defeating chuck and taking his place as god? come ON.

[peachhcs]

clouded in memories

hughes!sister x will smith au (samy + will)

samy & will try soaking up all the time they have left together in the last few weeks of summer before leaving for college.

wc: 2k

i think i’m coming out of the writers slump(yay!) i know this isn’t any of the requests, but i needed to write something that wasn’t requests to get out of the slump and i actually kind of like it :) i feel like i never write the really early moments of samy + will’s relationship, so enjoy! (i promise requests are coming) (p.s. the bedroom pic is what i imagine samy’s room in michigan to look like)

au masterlist

there was one thing will couldn't stop thinking about all practice and that was getting to lay in samy's bed for the rest of the day. he'd been up since 7 for morning practice and by the time 10:30 rolled around, the boy was ready to do nothing for the whole day and luckily, since it was summer, he could do exactly that. the blonde rushed himself out of the rink once he was showered and in clean clothes, not even caring to say goodbye to the other guys because of how eager he was to leave. 

he sent a quick text to his mom so she knew where he was going before pulling up samy's contact. he knew she'd say yes, but he just wanted to make sure it was okay that he came over before he just invited himself. the ringtone rang through his car speakers while will eagerly waited for the girl to pick up so he could pull out of the lot. 

"hi, will. what's up?" her soft voice filled his car. 

"hi, are you busy right now?" the hockey player asked, already sliding into drive and navigating himself out of the lot. 

"no, just packing up some of my room. why?" 

"i'm coming over," will said it more as a statement than a question because he wasn't really planning on asking, he was just making her aware he would be there in less than 29 minutes. 

a little giggle left her lips, "is everything okay?" 

"everything's fine. just wanna see you. lay in your bed. i've been thinking about those two things all morning," he unashamedly admitted because at this point, after endless teasing from the guys, will wasn't afraid to admit when he wanted to see samy and say how much he missed her. 

"oh really?" he could hear the amusement in her tone. 

"mhm. i'm trying to soak up the last few weeks we have together and i also didn't sleep that well last night. i think i sleep better in your bed anyway," will explained a bit and he could hear the smile in samy's voice even though they weren't on facetime. 

"wow, glad my bed can be of service then. hope you don't mind the mess that my room is right now," he could picture her meticulously separating each item into it's own labeled box and it brought a grin to the blonde's lips. 

"how much do you have to go?" 

"like all of my clothes," she cringed. 

"don't worry, we haven't even finished packing the house yet. it looks like a mess too," will chuckled thinking about the disaster his house was right now too. now that dev program was over and there wasn't a need to constantly be in michigan, the smiths were moving back to boston so they'd be closer to will and grace at bc. 

"i'm actually feeling emo that all of you are leaving michigan in a few weeks," the brunette admitted now that her and will were just talking as he got on the highway to ann arbor. 

"don't remind me. i've been choosing not to think about that," anytime the blonde thought about how he wouldn't be in michigan anymore, it made him incredibly sad, so he decided pushing all thoughts of moving out of his head until he couldn't anymore. 

it wasn't even that he was leaving the guys, they were all coming with him to boston. it was the fact that he was leaving samy. she'd been his rock these past two years and will couldn't even fathom the idea of not getting to see her everyday. 

so that's why he wanted to soak up these last few weeks as much as he could. 

"well, my bed will be all ready when you get here. text me when you pull up and i'll come let you in," samy's voice snapped him out of his thoughts again. 

will smiled, "sounds good. i can't wait. see you soon." 

the two hung up and will spent the next 28 minutes on auto pilot driving on the interstate. it happened quite frequently whenever he made the trip down because he's done it so many times that he didn't really need to pay attention. he basically blinked and he was pulling into the hughes's driveway. will grabbed his phone again to tell samy he was there before climbing out and making his way to the front porch. 

the girl was opening the door before he even made it onto the step. will quickly mirrored her excitement as his arms flew around her shoulders into a tight hug. "my bed's all ready for you," the brunette giggled, leading the boy inside. 

"thank god," he kicked his shoes off and didn't waste another second following her upstairs. 

upon entering, will was a bit taken aback with how bare all the walls looked. samy wasn't kidding about packing her room up.  he had to stop in the doorway for a second just taking it in making the girl glance back at him. "you okay?" 

"wow, yeah, sorry. it looks so different in here," the blonde mumbled while his gaze slowly flicked across the room trying to remember what was there before the empty wall. 

"oh yeah, i was taking everyday down today besides the photo wall," the brunette explained and then will's glance went to the corner where two walls met that's been decorated with photos since he knew her. 

he trailed over to it. even though the hockey player has been in samy's room countless of times, he's never fully looked at the wall in detail. there were so many photos lining the space from the floor to the ceiling—will had to crane his neck up to see the ones at the very stop and crouch for the ones at the very bottom. 

"how long have you had this again?" the boy wondered. 

"about a year after we moved here, so like 7 years or something?" samy came up beside him, her arm sliding up his back until it was on his shoulder and she found a place to perch her chin there too. 

"wow. that's a long time. i can't believe some of these were 7 years ago," one of them near the bottom caught will's eye because he was in it. 

him and samy looked awfully young in it, maybe 11 or 12? "this one looks ancient," he laughed and pointed it out to the girl. 

"oh yeah, we were like 12 in that or something. one of the many pictures our moms forced us to take," samy giggled. 

"i kind of miss being that young. we didn't have to care about anything just when practice was, if there was a game, and what was for dinner," will laughed again, turning to press a gentle kiss to samy's forehead. 

"yeah, tell me about it. i miss it. especially after spending the last like three days packing," she drifted away from him and will finally pulled his eyes away from the photo wall to the rest of the room. like he suspected, the younger hughes had piles in different corners with different things to be packed away. in the middle of the room was all of her posters that were once on the wall now waiting to be rolled up. 

"at least you won't be far away from home if you ever needed something," the blonde crawled into samy's bed that's been calling his name since he arrived. she giggled watching her boyfriend curl himself up into the blankets. 

"yeah, that's a plus at least. i'm still sad though because i probably won't ever like really live here ever again, you know?" she went to her posters again, wanting to have them all rolled up before she joined will in her bed. 

"summer?" 

"i mean, yeah, but we'll probably be at the lake house or wherever. i mean i won't be in this room for a long time ever again," the girl elaborated and will understood. 

"i get it. i'm never gonna see that michigan house ever again probably," it was all so bittersweet because on the one hand, they were all getting to pursue their dreams at their dreams schools, but on the other hand, they'd never be in this exact moment or place ever again. 

"did you at least have fun here?" samy changed the subject because if they kept talking about leaving, she'd start crying. 

"obviously i did. best two years of my life honestly," will quickly said and he wasn't lying. the last two years in plymouth was the best time he's ever had because he had everything he could've ever wanted: his girl and his best friends. 

"i can't believe i'm saying this, but i think meeting your friends was the best thing that's happened to me too. they're my rocks," samy chuckled thinking about those 6. she's met a lot of hockey boys between all of her brothers, but she could confidently say that will's class were her favorites. not saying she didn't get along with quinn, jack, and luke's friends, but something about ryan, gabe, vote, fowler, drew, and aram really had her wishing they didn't have to leave for college. 

"i think we can all say the same about you. i don't think i've ever seen them so sad to leave before," the couple shared a laugh. 

"marcie's gonna miss you all too. she said we have to reunite next summer," the other brunette was heading to west coast for college which meant she probably wouldn't be back home until next summer. 

"for sure," a comfortable silence spread across the room while samy finished rolling her last two posters and will just stared at her. it was clear both of them had a lot running through their minds and they could tell how much they just needed a day to slow down and take it all in. 

will reached out to gently tug his girlfriend's arm. she met his little pleading gaze to get into bed with him, a small laugh escaping her lips. "i'm coming, i'm coming." 

he opened his arms for her. as soon as samy got in beside him, it felt like all of the weight that's been weighing will down lifted off his chest. his racing thoughts finally eased and the tension in his muscles quickly dissipated when samy's touch littered his torso. they pretty much melted into one another in the comfort and warmth of the girl's bed. 

"what am i gonna do without you?" the hockey player mumbled into her hair. 

"honestly, i don't know. so much has happened in the last two years that i never thought twice about not seeing you for months on end when we were younger and now i can't imagine not seeing you every day," the brunette admitted softly. her breath tickled the boy's neck, but her words just made him pull her even closer. 

"me neither. you're my rock. how am i supposed to live without my rock?" will hummed sadly. the girl pulled back a bit so she could catch his glance and mustered her best smile for both of their sakes. 

"i guess that means a lot of facetime calls then. be prepared to get sick of me," they chuckled. 

"i could never get sick of you, but gabe might every time he hears your voice," the blonde leaned down again to place another gentle kiss on the bridge of samy's nose. his soft gesture earned a bright blush on her cheeks before burying her head back into his chest so he didn't see. 

the two stayed like that until they both drifted to sleep much like will was intending. ellen came up the stairs a few hours later wondering how her daughter was doing with packing. she knocked, but grew curious when no one responded from the other side. 

"samy?" she knocked again. still no answer. 

the older woman finally pushed the door open. a look of surprise crossed her features when she saw her daughter and will tangled together fast asleep. a small smile replaced the surprise though as she figured will was here when she spotted his car in the driveway. she carefully retreated back down the stairs not wanting to disturb them while also digging her phone out to tell colleen they totally predicted the relationship and their husbands owed them $20.

[simplenefelibata]

i think a lot of you undermine sam and cas' friendship.

like, we know sam isn't dean. cas isn't pathetically in love with him and sam didn't change him and he isn't the reason cas cared about the whole world. but that doesn't mean he's unimportant.

at the beginning of the series cas sees sam as the abomination. nothing but lucifer's vessel. throughout the series, sam becomes an extension of dean. cas takes care of him because he's dean's little brother and doesn't really give a much of a thought how his actions could affect him.

on the other hand, i think sam didn't have a lot of friends growing up and it shows lol. he sees cas as an instrument, and then also as an extension of dean. he's important to dean so he's kinda important to him, but he doesn't really Get why dean worries sm about cas — isn't he an angel??? sam constantly says cas is gonna be okay because he "knows what he's doing", or he simply says "it's cas... " it feels like sam is painfully aware how powerful and different he is.

the thing is, slowly but surely, they start hanging out more. they collab for dean's benefit, and then the concern they feel for the other's safety starts being more genuine instead of just "Not letting anything happen because Dean wouldn't survive it". they find out they like each other, and they can work really well together investigating and hunting (i'd argue that even better than cas and dean). this comes to a point where cas teases sam with dean (ex: telling him about the amnesia in the 50's case bc he knows it's embarrassing) and sam texting cas just because.

season 15 is what seals it for me. when cas breaks up with dean (lol), sam is the one reaching out. texting. calling. cas doesn't pick up, but sam keeps doing it. again. and again. that wouldn't have happened in season 7, or season 9, and really not much reason to do it now. but still.

plus, when people talk about cas and his love for the winchesters, they include Both of them. yes, they make the distinction between dean and cas' relationship, but they do include sam. even cas said at one point "you know me, always happy to bleed for the winchesters".

so, what i'm trying to say is: cas and sam's friendship matters!!! they should've had more time screen!!! i bet they would have so many interesting conversations because they're friends!!!

if you say that in a post-canon world you don't think sam would try to get cas to talk about his feelings, or that cas wouldn't confide sam his fears and regrets and worries BEEP you're wrong.