#I'm not satisfied wirh it still

[eybefioro]

Weekly fic rec, by yours truly...

The wind stills ruffles our hair, still shakes the leaves of the trees. The world keeps on spinning. People still walk on the streets, still keep on their routines. We share old stories, old photographs, old memories. We offer each other a hug, even if it can only do as much as wave the cold away. Sometimes, that warmth is what we need to sooth the aching lump in our throats. Sometimes, it just makes it hurt more, but we need it all the same.

I was living my life like normal, until I saw this post. I wasn't prepared to have the ground shattering beneath my feet.

The Ordinary World, by Anti_kate

Rated E, ~24,8k words

My tags: intense, cathartic, beautiful

Summary:

He couldn’t quite remember what Aziraphale smelled like anymore, the particular combination of fresh bread and sea salt and cedarwood, the caramelized sugar of crème brûlée. But even though he couldn’t remember the scent precisely, he knew the bookshop didn’t smell right. It didn’t smell like Aziraphale. It was as if he’d never been there at all. Aziraphale disappears the night of the bookshop fire, and Crowley is left alone and grieving. But death is not always the end.

Hm. This fic spoke to me in such a level. Cut me deep and dissected my feelings in such a way that I didn't expect -- so I'm sorry in advance. This will get a bit personal, and I don't know to which extent everyone can relate to this story, and to which extent is me projecting my own experiences.

So, this can be a particular experience of mine, but I don't see many stories dealing with grief. In the movies, TV shows, books, etc. that I've watched and read, it's an uncommon theme. I find that interesting because even if it is different for everybody (and if every time it hits differently), everyone experiences grief. In the same way that everyone dies, everyone also feels the pain of grief.

We see characters dying and characters suffering for it, but the grief per se is uncommon. And I think that's because it happens a lot in one's head, it's not a linear process, it's complex and painful, and it's never the same. It doesn't even end. We never really stop mourning. We go through our days, and the grief is with us. We work, and it sits by our side. We laugh, and it warps its arms around our shoulders. We cry, and it constrict our voices. We eat, and half of it goes to its belly. We walk, and its weight slows us down. We learn to live with it, we grow around it, but that hollowness is always there, never fulfilled again.

And this story taps into that so well (for me, at least). It describes so well the sense of loss, the sense of emptiness, the absence that lingers. How everything hurts, how it feels for the world to end, and nothing changing. For it to end and people still being the same, doing the same things. For it to end, and for you to confront the fact that it means nothing, really; you still, somehow, have to keep going, you, somehow, are still alive. The world ended, nothing changed, and you still have to breathe.

All that is left is your memories, and they aren't even the same anymore. You can't exactly remember them, but your body does. You get assaulted by them. You get haunted by the ghosts of the people you lost -- you can hear their voices on the back of your mind, you can feel them on their words, on the things they owned, on the things they did. You listen to a song and BAM! there is their ghost singing those lyrics, hoping to that rhythm, a memory that you didn't know you still had. Their ghosts haunt you. But they're gone. They don't exist anymore, only being alive in the past; only still in the memories, in memories that, more often than not, will die with you and cease to exist when all that's left of you is the memories on other people's heads.

We see Crowley go through that. We see him hurting like we (maybe *I*, lol) hurt. We see his suffering upon losing Aziraphale, and how he hurts himself trying to stop hurting, and unfortunately, the hurt is inescapable. He sacrifices a lot to get answers, to try to get close to Aziraphale again -- and what wouldn't I sacrifice only to be able to hug the people I lost ome more time...

But the good news is that he can get Aziraphale back. And he does. The plot is amazing. The descriptions of how he does that and the twists are amazing. This fic is so poetic, and the ending is so beautiful. Reading Crowley getting Aziraphale back was incredible, especially after seeing (experiencing, really) the hurt.

I love how the author wrote this story, their prose is beautiful. Haunting. I loved every bit, and I felt so seen, hugged by Crowley's hurt; he getting back something that I will never be able to was great. It comforted me a lot, even if it hurt (and it did hurt a lot lol I still have a lump on my throat and did cry yesterday because of it, but it was a good type of cry. One that makes you feel good after).

This fic made me feel a lot, and I'm so grateful for it (@antikate I'm sorry for tagging you I just want you to know that I loved your fic so much, and I for sure wasn't able to get that across by my comments there. Rhank you so much for this story) It's so beautiful and... aaa alright time to end this rec. I babbled a lot and said almost nothing, I feel like. Just go read it (not for everyone, I know, but yet...).

This fic is like drinking a too-sweet beverage to try to swallow a too-bitter med. Like making popcorn when you feel sad, because that's what they did when they felt sad.Like keep on living and laughing, because they would like you to.

[wellen-katze]

It's super cool to watch your artwork/art style subtly change over time. Like your art started off really great with a distinct style and it's only gotten moreso. With all the comics you've been drawing It's great you're getting so much practice wirh drawing something you love! And sharing it with us! I love reading through your comics on bad days because you really capture the complex nature of especially astarions trauma. I can't wait to see how you improve in the future!

Oh, thank you so much for the lovely message, it warms my heart that you enjoy my artwork so much! I know bad days all too well, so the thought that I was able to cheer someone up just a little bit makes me really happy!

And yes, you're absolutely right; I'm always looking for a suitable style for the things I want to draw. I'm still not completely satisfied with my results but that's probably impossible haha, but suppose trying things out is what makes it so fun.

Again, thank you very much, I'm very grateful for your support and I hope you will like my future work!

[resi4skz]

CHAPTER 11

Pairing: Christopher Bahng x Aubrey Williams (OC)

Warnings: smut

This is purely fiction! MDNI

*HAN'S POV*

After signing in the visitor form, the officer in front of me takes me to room with a very thick transparent glass in front of me. "You have 15 minutes," the officer informs and leaves as I take a seat on the provided chair. As I wait, I take out the necessary documents from my briefcase. The buzzer sound suddenly comes on and I glance up as Troy Parker walks in with 2 officers on either side of him. He was in shackles, making him walk in small steps.

"Who are you?" He asked as he sits down.

I take out my business card and present it to him. "I'm here on behalf of Ms. Williams."

"A lawyer?" He scoffs and looks at me. "I'm not signing shit."

"Unfortunately, Mr. Parker, you really don't get a say in this. You're convicted of attempted murder, assault and vandalism. There is no easy way out of this."

"I told you. I'm not signing anything."

"Plus, your mom confessed that you were planning to kill your wife, which may or may not add more years for you."

He scowls, narrowing his eyes. "Bullshit."

I lean back in my chair, sighing. "We have it on recording."

"My mother will never do such a thing," he spat out.

Giving him the benefit of the doubt, I take out my phone, find the recording and hit play.

"Why are you still defending your son?"

"Because he's my son! My only blood!"

His expression changes from angry to fear.

"She wasn't supposed to find out. We kept the secret and blamed it on her, hoping she stays with him. So when he saw she drifted apart from him, he became a different person. Went crazy. He told me."

"Stop," he shouts. "Stop it!"

"He told me what he was going to do. He even showed me the knife, saying he's gonna kill her and then kill himself afterwards. He....he made the whole plan."

I hit stop and slide the papers under the glass along wirh a pen. "Sign it."

"Fuck you." He spits at the glass.

"Do you really think you have a way out of this?"

"I know people," he said smirking. "I'll be out of here in a couple of days."

"Oh, the people you worked with? The ones who also testified against you and signed away your life?" His expression changes again. "They told us, me, everything. You're never getting out of here, Mr. Parker."

Annoyed, he picks up the pen and signs the divorce papers before passing them back. Smiling, I check the papers to see if he signed all of them and once I was satisfied, I secure them in my briefcase. "Well, Mr. Parker. Enjoy the rest of your time, however long that is." I turn to leave when he speaks up.

"That bitch cheated on me, just so you know."

I scoff, turning around. "Maybe consider the fact that she's finally happy and alive." Without saying anytning further, I walk out and shoot a quick text to Aubrey.

------------------------------------------------------------

*AUBREY'S POV*

I let out a sigh of relief as I read Han's text.

H: it's done

So as a celebration, I stop by a liquor store and get my favorite wine. As I drive towards Chris's house, my heart beats at a steady pace and I finally feel at peace. I had bought something for his birthday and could only hope he would like it.

Parking my car in his driveway, I walk towards his front porch and unlock the door with the key under his mat that he had left for me. He was still at work and wouldn't be home till dinner time. Plus it was his birthday today. So I made it my mission to cook him his favorite: lamb steak with mashed potatoes. I even cleaned the house a bit and took a shower. I changed into comfy clothes and went down to check on dinner. As I move around the kitchen, I suddenly felt his arms sliding around my waist I gasp as he kisses my neck. "Mmm, I could really get used to this."

I giggle and turn around in his arms. "Welcome home." I go on my tip toes and kiss him. He immediately kisses me back with the same amount of love. "I made your favorite."

His eyes lights up and looks at the dining table. "Aubrey, you didn't." I grin at him as he walks over to the table. "Bri, I had been craving this for weeks. How did you know?"

I smile. "Sit." As he sits, I grab the wine and two glasses. We eat our dinner in peace and take our sweet time with it. I tell him about the divorce papers.

"You're kidding me," he gapes at me.

"Nope. I'm now officially divorced," I smile widely as he walks to the sink and immediately starts washing the dishes.

I walk towards him till I'm facing his broad back and slide my hands around his waist, placing my cheek on his back. "Thank you."

We stay like that for a while until he taps my hand. "These dishes aren't going to wash themselves." I roll my eyes and poke him in the ribs. "Hey, wanna eat ice cream and watch a movie?"

My inner 10yr old cannot contain the excitement as I run to the movie selection and pick out 'Tangled.' Just as I put it on, he sits with two bowls of ice cream and I notice mine has chocolate and strawberry. "You remembered." How could he remember after all these years? I had only told him once.

"Well," he says as he takes a spoonful of strawberry icecream. "I don't know if I told you but I kind of had a crush on you during high school."

"What?" I glance at him eating his icecream. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Bri, we were in different grades. Besides, when you graduated and left, I concentrated on my studies. How was I supposed to know that we'd end up meeting again?"

"Christopher," I say as I set my bowl down on the coffee table. "Do you know how difficult it was to leave my only friend behind? Do you realize you were the one that my friends were jealous of every time we hung out?"

"Jealous? Wait what? Why?" Now he's the one setting his bowl on the table.

"We all had this huge crush on you." My eyes widen and I immediately shut my mouth and move the farthest away from but since it was a love seat, I couldn't really move any farther than I already was.

"We?" He smirks. "As in?"

"As in my friends from high school," I take a big spoonful of the icecream and look at the tv screen as Rapunzel lets down her hair to climb down from the tower. Why did I have to open my mouth? I feel him shifting closer to me making my heart go crazy.

"And?" He asks, his voice smooth like my chocolate ice cream.

I peer at him from the corner of my eye and he has this smile on his face so I shove a spoonful of icecream in his mouth. He grabs my face and pecks my cheeks as he shifts back to his original place. I go back to eating rest of the ice cream.

As the movie progresses, so does Chris's hands. I noticed when Rapunzel and Eugene were singing in the boat is when Chris laid his head on my lap and drew circles on my hand. I found it cute. With my other hand, I played with his hair. "Your hair is thin, I never noticed."

"Yeah, well I used to dye it pretty often and it dried my hair pretty quickly so I tend to not style or dye it more often these days."

"If you want, I can try out a few things for your hair. Some hair oils." This reminded me of the certain red clothing item I had bought earlier, packed in my bag.

"Anything you want." Anything I want? I shifted in my seat as my mind went elsewhere. God, what was wrong with me? I wasn't like this before. Was it Chris? Did he have this effect on me? He's been on my mind constantly ever since he's been back in my life. Which reminds me.....I look at the clock. Good, it's not midnight yet. Smiling, I bend slightly and hover over his ear. "Happy birthday." I whisper.

He turns his head and smiles. "Thank you."

"I have a surprise for you."

"A surprise?"

I nod.

"What kind of surprise?"

I go real close to his ear. "Something you can unwrap me in." I pull back and his eyes darken. The next thing I know is that I'm being flung over his shoulder as he shuts off the TV and practically sprints upstairs. "Hey, put me down!"

"Not a chance," he swings open the door to the bedroom and finally puts me down. "Go put it on." The way he gazes into my eyes and I wanted nothing more than to have him his way with me. So I take my bag with me to the bathroom.

Once inside the bathroom, I shimmy out of my clothes and slip on the red lingerie I had brought days prior with the mind of surprising him in it. Biting my lip, I survey it in the mirror. Even after all these years, I have kept in shape. By all means, I wasn't skinny per se but I had kept fit. The lacy bra perked up my full breasts and the lace went down my torso just above my belly button. The panties were the perfect size. The sudden realization hits me and I become shy knowing he's just within arms reach. I fix and fluff my hair and do a final check before heading out.

Opening the door, I see Chris looking out the window and he was shirtless with his black jeans hanging low on his hips. Sweet baby jesus. When he hears me, he turns around and time stops. It's just me and him and nothing else matters. "You look....wow."

I smile and slowly walk towards him. "You like?" I ask.

He nods. "Very much and I'm going to like to more taking it off you." My breath hitches as he strides towards me, cups my cheeks and smashes his lips on mine. I groan at the force and grip his sides as he devours my lips. "You taste so sweet."

"Gentle, Chris," I breathe out.

He shakes his head. "I don't think I can be gentle with you tonight, baby. I need you." He attacks my lips and places wet kisses down my neck and breasts. He nicks and bites my chest leaving evidence as I grip his hair, moaning out his name. His hand goes behind my back to unclasp the bra and when my breasts are finally free, he takes a moment to admire them before he tugs me along with him walking back towards his bed. Sitting down, he gets me to straddle him and I gasp because I can feel everything this way.

His lips never leave my skin. I kiss him again and rock my hips against his. He moans into the kiss as his hands now rest on my hips. I grind my hips again and I'm certain I heard him growl before I'm flipped on my tummy. "On your hands and knees. Now." His demand made my core wet as I went on all fours. This way I was exposed fully. I hear the belt buckle hit the floor and feel him coming behind me. I hold my breath when I feel him gently caressing my ass cheeks with both of his hands. When I reach to take my panties off, he grabs my hand. "No. It stays on."

And that's when I felt it. I cry out in pain and pleasure from the hit. I bite my lips when he smacks me again. "Fuck, baby. You look good in red."

Not being able to take it anymore, I wiggle my hips. I need him. "Chris, please."

"Say it, baby. Say what you want." I feel him shifting and I want to turn around so badly.

"Fuck me, Chris. Have your way with me, please" I breathe out. He groans at my request as he moves my panty aside and enters me from behind. I sigh in bliss and moan in pleasure as he fully sheathes himself inside me. "Move."

And move he does. He thrusts his hips hard and I grip the sheets below me. He feels so good that I don't want him to ever stop. Suddenly, he pulls out and I almost curse at him but he flips me over and takes my panties off before settling himself between my legs again. He leans down and kisses me while slamming his hips into me. I moan into the kiss as I wrap my arms around his neck. "Tell me what you want, Bri. And I'll give it to you. I'll give it all to you."

I gaze into his eyes as I cup his cheek. "You. I want you." He smiles and it's as if something in him switched on, his thrusts turned frantic and faster. I felt myself coming closer to my release. He then raises my left leg over his shoulder. "Harder." The new position makes him go deeper and I love it. Picking up speed, he grabs my breasts and gives them a squeeze. He feels me going over the edge and picks up the pace. I cry out his name, my body convulsing as he keeps thrusting his hips and groans when he finds his own release.

We both sag onto the bed, catching our breath. "You're wearing it again."

I chuckle as I turn to my side, facing him. "Only if you can do me a favor."

"Which is?" He breathes out. I smirk as I scoot closer so I can whisper into his ears. He turns his head towards me, his eyes hardening. "Yes, absolutely."

And for the rest of the night, he gave all kinds of favors I ask for.

------------------------------------------------------------

The next day, I visited Leanna at her apartment to spend the evening with her. "So. How are you and Chris doing?" Leanna asks, as we munched on snacks.

"We're good," I reply, smiling. "Really good."

"Psh. You have smitten written all over your face," she scoffs and I giggle. "If I didn't know any better, he's probably as smitten as you are."

"Well....."

"Oh, give me a break," she whines. "Why can't I find one for myself?"

"If you look hard enough," I began. "Do you want me to hook yo-" A sudden wave of immense nausea goes up my stomach and I clasp my mouth.

"You alright?" She asked, sitting up on her couch.

"Yeah," I say, breathing out. "It's probably nothing, just something I ate at lunc-" The nausea comes back faster this time and I make a run for the toilet.

"Hey, you sure you're alright?" I hear Leanna behind me as I make it just in time to puke my guts out in the toilet. She holds my hair up the entire time I'm hurled up on the toilet. "Is it something you ate?"

"Well, I had tacos for lunch," I say, flushing the toilet. A sudden thought comes in my mind as I'm washing my hands and I gasp.

"What is it?" She asks.

Taking out my phone, I open the calendar app and count the days. Holy shit. "I'm late."

"Oh, did you have a meeting or something?"

I give her a look. "No," I show her the calendar. "I'm late."

"Oh. Oh!" Finally she gets it. "I'll run down to the pharmacy."

********************************************************

I'm sitting on the toilet waiting. I glance at the sticks with the pink end in front of me as Leanna paces behind me. "Would you stop?"

"How are you not panicking right now?"

"Because I know it's not Troy's. Duh."

"How do you know that?"

"Because he's infertile." I replied as I pick up the stick and smile. "And I'm not." I point the results for her to see. Two pink solid lines.

"Oh my god, I'm going to be an aunt," she shrieks, jumping up and down. I giggle at her reaction. "Oh Chris is going to be thrilled."

"Let's hope so."

------------------------------------------------------------

I was sitting on the couch, waiting for Chris to get home. I watched the wall clock like a hawk. Why is this so nerve wrecking? Then I hear the keys, the door opening and the scuffle of his shoes. He comes in view as he walks to the kitchen, getting himself a glass of water.

Taking a huge gulp, I stand and walk over in the kitchen. As he turns around, he jumps. "Jesus, Aubrey!"

"Sorry," I reply.

"What are you doing home? I thought you were at Leanna's?" He walks over, giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"Change of plans," I answer as I nervously fumble with my fingers.

He takes my hands. "Everything alright?"

I smile warmly at him. I love that he's so gentle and caring about me. I love that he's always putting others before him. Taking a small step back, I reach for my back pocket to take out the three pink sticks from before and show him, smiling. I watch him blink before his eyes go wide and a part of me thinks I might have made a mistake. But then he scoops me up and spins me around, laughing. "Chris!" I giggle. "Put me down! I'm dizzy!"

He gently puts me down and leans down, giving me a kiss. "You just made me the happiest person on earth."

"You're not mad?"

"Mad? Baby, you just told me I'm going to be a dad. I'm estatic!" He replies, smiling from ear to ear.

I chuckle and wrap my arms around his torso, laying my head on his warm chest. "I love you."

"I love you, too." He wraps his arms around me tightly and we stay like this the entire night, even in bed when we're sleeping.

[animeyanderelover]

Can I have prompt 34 wirh suzui from kakegurui ? Thank you

When I think about it, he’s probably the most normal one in the whole show. My friend doesn’t like him because she thinks that he’s boring. I understand that though.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, obsessiveness, delusions, clinginess

Prompt 34: “NO!! Please tell me what I did wrong so I can fix it, but don’t leave me!!!”

"NO!! Please tell me what I did wrong so I can fix it, but don't leave me!!!"

How utterly pathetic this was right now, you had troubles believing your senses in this moment. Your eyes reflected your emotions in this one moment perfectly, disgust and pity at the same time swirling up inside of you.

But that was all there was to it, you didn't feel any real regrets nor the slightest trace of affection and love for this boy who was kneeling right before you, clinging onto your waist with tears spilling out of his eyes. Or perhaps you were just talented in cncealing your emotions.

He looked kind of cute, you had to admit that, the pure look of despair on his face as he was begging for you to not leave him. What a weak and dependent soul he was, his behavior satisfied you and yet made you only more infuriated. Had he no pride at all?

"Huh? Stop smearing your tears and snot all over my uniform. It's disgusting. And annoying on top of that as well. Don't act like a loser now. I mean, technically you are one, but don't make it even more obvious than it already is.", you scoffed, not hiding the repulsive tone in your voice the tiniest bit. You were sick of babying Suzui, the personification of insecurity and weakness.

And weakness was something this academy couldn't stand, something you couldn't stand.

"I-I'm not a housepet anymore, I was able to pay my debts. I know that you were probably humiliated when I lost...But please give me another chance...Please...I'll do anything you ask me to do."

A shallow laugh was all you could manage as a response, the feeling of disrelish only continuing to brew deep inside of your core as you heard him babbling his nonsense.

It only took a flick against his forehead to successfully push him away from you, the sound of it echoing through the empty classroom. You watched with pitiful contentedness as he stumbled back and landed on his butt, holding with a shocked and hurt expression his forehead. A red mark was starting to form where you had flicked him.

"You paid that money? You kidding me? Don't you try to lie to me, you have no talent in such regards. I know that this new student gave you the money after her gamble with Saotome. You didn't do anything at all, you just needed yet another person who would save your ass again."

You walked with light footsteps over to him, bending slowly down until your waem breath hit the skin of his head, a repulsed amusement visibly glimmering in your (e/c) eyes as you grabbed his chin with a firm grip, yanking his face up.

Suzui was so incredibly easy to read, you could see everything in his eyes. The huge sadness with each and every sharp and cold word of yours, the anxiety of being left behind with the wetness running down his cheeks and still...still you clearly saw it shining in his orbs. The admiration, the affection, his damn stupid love he had for you, even if you had only treated him like trash and ignored him the moment he had lost the game against Saotome.

It hadn't even been worth watching, you knew how good that girl was. Both of had gambled once before and you had to say that up until the end it had been a close call. One which had ultimately ended with a narrow draw. Ryota had been stupid to even agree to play with her, he didn't stood a chance in a million years to win against her.

"Would you look at you right now? All heartbroken because I'm about to leave you? What a good and loyal boy you are until the very end, such an obedient guy. It's kind of endearing for me.", you cooed with false sweetness, feeling the boy's face heating up when hearing those words.

What a fool.

With a disapproving sound you released your grip around him, towering over him as the superior one you were in comparison to him before turning away,a look at the clock telling you that you had thrown away enough of your precious time already.

"You seem to be very attached to me and I really do admit, it's flattering to know just how much you adore me. So I might take you back one day. But only if you've accomplished something in a gamble. Otherwise I have no interest in taking a coward back to my side~."

You squeezed your glinting eyes slightly together as you purred out those words at him, not being able to ignore the warm feeling running over you when seeing the hopeless look on his face as you turned carelessly around.

You knew that he'd come back like a puppy every single time, no matter how harshly and often you kicked him. It was the one thing you could have full faith in him.

He'd never betray you. Maybe you could be nicer the moment he had done what you had demanded from him. He'd be over the moon if you'd show him that his feelings were mutual.

If he could do it that was. But his new friend would surely help him, wouldn't she?

"Jabami Yumeko...Let's see what you can do with this little dog of mine. I'm sure you'll have a great influence on him. Now~I wonder if it will be a good or a bad one."

[ollie-oxen-free]

Congratulations! I'm kinda new here but I really like your writing style and I'm going to stay here really long ;D if I'm not late for the drabble maybe kedgeup (if you're okay wirh this of course) with 20, 44 or 85? Whichever you'd like :)

i decided to do 20! also im guessing youre the anon from fresh so howdy there. sorry this took so long!

It was raining again. It rained a lot on the surface, Sans thought. And the rain was always so different every time. Back in Waterfall, when he would sit on his bench and stare at the few stones that were embedded in the ceiling, it rained, but the sound was always the same. The same speed of rain, with the raindrops falling in the same place, and if you sat and listened long enough then it almost turned to static noise, wiping everything else blank until all he really had to do was just breathe.

Though, thinking about it made him realize that maybe it didn’t rain all that often on the surface, since he really only heard it when the patter of water on their house woke him up. He slept a lot, and the gentle tapping against his window or the heavy pounding of sheets of rain usually was enough to wake him. Then again, he didn’t really do much anymore but sleep. Blackness came with his dreams and rain came when he was awake. It was a nice little cycle he had created for himself in the comfort and warmth of his bed, eyes flicking up to the water droplets as they gathered on the window just beside his bed, running down the pane to the sill below.

His eyes started to drift shut to the knocking of the rain against the window, body being weighed down until it felt like the entire planet was using all of its weight to push him into the mattress, until he realized that it wasn’t the rain that was knocking.

Cracking open a socket, he fixed his gaze on his bedroom door, able to see the way the flimsy wood shook in the frame at the small impacts. He didn’t say anything - Papyrus would usually give up after a while and walk away, and Sans knew that something like that should make him nauseous to the point of vomiting, but all he can usually dredge up is a particularly forceful sigh - and after a few moments the impact stopped. Sans watched the door as his eyes drifted shut, sockets shooting back open when the lock started to click. He didn’t have a key for his room (he’d made sure of that), and he was pretty sure that Papyrus had no idea how to pick a lock.

His Papyrus, at least.

There was a click and a few moments’ pause before the door started to swing open, Sans watching blankly as a familiar figure appeared. Fell always had an intimidating air about him when he walked in a room, commanding attention and respect. Some people had to use threat to receive such attention, but Fell recieved it whether he was in full guard armor or a jacket and jeans.

Such was how he walked into Sans’s room now, gaze scanning over the scattered clothes and trash tornado, lingering on the stacks of half-eaten food beside his bed, before finally settling on Sans himself. He held the other’s gaze and, for the first time since he had met him, Fell looked away first.

The silence was thick, and after a few moments more of still, Fell walked over to the bed, looking down at Sans’s feet. Moving his whole body was a thought that was only entertained for a half-second before he settled on tucking his legs closer to his chest. Fell used the newfound space to sit down, gaze on the floor.

This close, Sans could see the small droplets of water that dotted his skull, and realized somewhere far off that Fell must have just come in from the rain. Sans followed his gaze to the floor, arms folded into his own chest as he stared as well, waiting for the other to speak. Likely another talk about giving up HoPe, or an offer to do something to get him out of the house, to make him get to moving. He just wanted to go back to sleep.

Fell cleared his throat before he began to speak. “I’ve been trying to call you.”

Sans closed his eyes, forcing himself to take in a slow breath. His voice was scratchy from disuse, so he coughed and tried again. “My phone’s dead.”

Fell didn’t say anything to that, just staring at the floor in silence. Part of him wanted the other to go away, and part of him was glad that he was here. The two feelings mixed to create an apathetic sludge of an emotion.

“Papyrus is worried about you.”

Sans had wondered how long it would take until he pulled that card. “I know.”

“...I’m worried about you.”

Another card pulled. “I know that too.”

They sat in silence after that, and Sans thought that maybe he should say something. He didn’t know what - he wasn’t the best with words in the first place, much less like this - but something other than just lying there in silence. But he couldn’t. He wanted to, beyond all real reason, just get up and add a few socks to his pile, put a few more sticky notes on the sock downstairs, move to sit beside where Fell was looking at the floor, stiff in the way that he always was when some emotion was particularly overwhelming, but he just couldn’t. They all deserved better than him.

Fell shifted, the brush of cloth on cloth barely audible over the small patter of rain as he turned to Sans. “When was the last time you ate?”

Sans moved his gaze over to the plates stacked on his bedside table, looking near to toppling. Papyrus had stopped putting plates of food at his door more than a day ago, and Sans had stopped taking them from their place longer than that. Time really had no meaning in his room with the rain. “Not sure.”

It was quiet again before Fell stood, walking over to the bedside table and grabbing the stack of dirty plates in his arms. He turned to Sans. “Can you take a shower?”

Sans looked away from his gaze, staring at the ratty carpet on the floor. It was quiet for a few moments before he nodded. Fell seemed satisfied with his answer, sweeping out of the door and going down the stairs, footsteps soft and even. Sans laid there, staring at the wall across from his bed. He knew he needed a shower, and that he needed to eat, and so with more effort than it probably should have taken he managed to push himself up, sliding his feet to the floor and standing slowly.

It must have been a while of him staring at the rough fibers of his carpet since Fell managed to wash the dishes and come back upstairs before he had even moved an inch. The other didn’t say anything about it, though, and for that he was grateful, just stating that he was going to get the shower ready for him. Sans nodded, Fell walking away. A few moments later the hiss of the shower came on, the pipes in the walls groaning before they evened out in pressure. Left foot, and then right foot, and then left foot all the way to the bathroom, his feet clacking on the cold tile.

Fell took his hand out of the water, shaking it off and wiping it on the towel hanging beside him before slipping his glove back on. “The water’s warm now.” He stood to his full height, heading turning as he surveyed the room. Apparently satisfied, he turned, starting to leave the room. Sans reached out before he could go, grabbing onto the edge of his shirt and shocking both himself and Fell. It was quiet for a few moments, but he didn’t let go.

“Don’t…” He swallowed, eyes flicking from the shower, to the window. It was dark enough out, and the shower was loud enough that he couldn’t tell if the rain had stopped or was still going. “Don’t try to fix me.”

Fell wrapped his hand around the one that was clutching his shirt, giving it a small squeeze. “Do you want tomato soup?”

He was hungry, but he didn’t really want to eat. “I’m serious. I’m not broken, I’m… shattered.”

Fell bent over, pressing a quick kiss to his forehead and giving his hand another squeeze. He pulled back with a small smile, tinged sad around the edges. “I thought you were Sans?”

He had to laugh at that, a quick, small sound, but a laugh nonetheless. Fell’s face was twisted into an almost-grimace at the joke that he’d told. Sans regarded it fondly.

“Yeah,” he said after a pause, thinking of the question from earlier. “Tomato soup sounds good.”