#I'm not going to do it for a number of reasons

[actualaster]

But there's further nuance to it that "but it's OLD!!!1!1!" people never want to acknowledge.

When there is reason for renewed interest in something where it is likely a lot of people who haven't experienced the original are going to be checking it out, it's a type of courtesy to temporarily renew flagging spoilers for a little while, to be mindful of the fact that a whole lot of people who may have never even hears of the thing will be checking it out in whatever form interest has been revived in.

Now, I don't think that should necessarily go for reviews or interviews with people who talked about the thing because if you don't want spoilers you shouldn't be looking at that kind of stuff anyway.

But when it comes to the random posts people make, it's not wrong to be sad that a massive plot point got spoiled for you.

You don't have to start re-tagging spoilers (especially if you're not even into the media but are sharing some random joke or something--we all know that happens a lot). But there's a reason whenever media I like gets a sequel/remake/other major update or re-release/etc. that means new people will come to it in higher numbers I resurrect my spoiler tags. It doesn't take me any real effort to flag my new posts on the matter, and it avoids the risk of driving potential new fans off altogether because they got too many spoilers and don't feel like it worth checking out anymore now that they know the twists. (And unfortunately there's good reason many who feel that way do--if they're used to media where the twist Is The Thing, because it's not well built up to and is there for shock value, they're not going to want to spend time experiencing media when they know the major spoilers.)

(Also I'm not saying you should retroactively add spoiler tags to older posts--but what I mean is if you are making brand new posts it's a courtesy you can consider extending to people who might become fellow fans.)

[prokopetz]

As a brief update on the quest for the origin of the term d66*, we have a possible lead on a pre-1989 instance of the term thanks to Tumblr user @esoteric-merit, but I'm going to need help from any French-speaking tabletop RPG fans who may be reading this: can anyone help us identify French-language tabletop RPGs published in or around 1982 with Aztec-inspired settings? The reporting party doesn't recall the game's title, though they're reasonably sure of the publication year, so we have a bit of detective work to do!

* i.e., as opposed to the mechanic itself; the idea of rolling a six-sided die twice, treating the first roll as the "tens" place and the second roll as the "ones" place to yield a number in the range from 11 to 66 has been around at least since the late 1800s; what we're looking for here is the earliest instance of the term "d66" being used to describe it. If you'd like to offer an example not discussed in the linked thread, please double-check that it was published before 1989 first.

[sillyuin]

hi <3! was wondering if i can get svt reaction to yn being completely oblivious to them flirting with her? subtle things like while she’s just ranting about her day they’d move closer to her and she’d absentmindedly put her hand on their chest to push them away still running her mouth, just completely unaware of what’s happening. and even the most obvious things like compliments or physical touch, yn is blind to it and it’s so frustrating to them

so yeah, hope you see this! ❤️

Hi! I'm sorry for being so late 😭 i've been very busy with job and housework, but it's finally here.

Svt reacts: Flirting vs clueless s/o. Who will win?

Yuin's note: barely proofread. I'ts 1 am and I'm tired.

Seungcheol. Staring at your face.

I mean, he likes to just stare at you as if he's watching the prettiest person in the world, but when Seungcheol wants to be especially flirty, he stares at you fondly and smiling with the whole intention to make your heart skip a beat, he even glances at your lips, as if he were trying to say something. Most of the time that's enough to make you really, really shy but when is not... Geez, he has to breathe in and ends up pouting a little (Probably one or two pecks will make him feel better).

Jeonghan. Teasing.

Is like his default love language, making harmless jokes to see you flustered all over him is just so fun to watch. But, is he really just trying to be a teaser, or is there something else behind? "I took the chair, but you can sit on my lap" he said one day, sitting at your desktop, with the most mischievous smile possible. But you didn't fall for his charm and as you kept your annoyed face, he stood up and sighed "Okay, all yours". And you better be ready because he's not forgetting so easy, and will keep teasing you just a little (yeah, a little) more than usual.

Joshua. Back hugging.

When Joshua wants your attention only and only for him, he goes where you are to hug you from the back, resting his chin on your shoulders and crossing his arms around your waist. Oh, he loves it so much is so tender, but he gets lowkey hurt when you don't react in any way because, how come you don't realize his intentions? Is really doing the dishes way more important than his warm hugs? Now, this is personal and Joshua won’t let you go, take it as a punishment for being so clueless (reward or punishment?).

Jun. Tickles.

For him, tickles is the perfect excuse to be closer to you. It's so obvious that hurts lol. Most of the time you melt in his touch, and you both end up laughing and sharing some kisses, but sometimes you're minding your business, too busy to realize that Jun wants to get your attention. Better get ready because you'll have a pouty little cat going around the apartment, and will NOT forget your offense unless you give him extra cuddles before bed.

Hoshi. Random "facts".

At the least appropriate time, he would come to find you. "Did you know that there is a minimum number of kisses that a person should receive per day to be healthy?" he says with a very serious expression on his face. And there you are, standing in the middle of the living room while you're brushing your teeth; your soulless expression says all. Hoshi turns around and pretends nothing happened, but in his mind, he's sitting in the corner staring at the walls.

Wonwoo. Making compliments out of nowhere.

He likes to pour you with sweet words, like how much he appreciates your homemade food, or that you did it great at work. From time to time, he thinks is fun to be a little sassy and his praises are very, very intentional. “New gloss?” he says, grinning at you “It looks good” and for some frigging reason you just start talking about how you got it? Babe, Wonu doesn’t care that much that you bought it because your favorite gloss wasn’t on stock, but now he feels a little shy to speak and just lets you tell the whole story.

Woozi. Playing with your hair.

When it comes to be openly flirty, Woozi tends to be a little coy. You rarely notice it since it's very common for him to be around you, caressing your hair and playing with the strands in complete silence. So when you get distracted he places a strand behind your ear, exposing your neck. But when he's so close to place a kiss, you jump like a scared kitten. "No! It tickles!" Woozi looks down, defeated, as you move away. "Sorry, be right back" and he locks himself in his room for the next hour.

Minghao. Holding your hand.

He thinks your hands are more than just pretty. Hao likes to take one of them when you're sitting by his side, scrolling on your phone or watching TV. He's so subtle that most of the times you don't feel how he traces your hand with his fingers and when you realize, it’s because your hands are intertwined and he’s holding his laughter. “How low you’ve been like this?” but Minghao just giggles. You end up doing the same and then resume your activity, letting him laughing low in embarrassment and biting his lips as a sign of frustration.

Mingyu. Resting on your lap.

He's very straightforward when it comes to flirting with you. Mingyu likes to wait patiently for you to sit on the couch or the bed and then he goes, at first making some (pretty obvious) questions "What are you doing?" "Is that a new book?" and as you're talking, his hands rest on your thigh, gently stroking your skin with his thumb, but you're so immerse in the topic and he goes completely unnoticed... And before you even notice, there's a flustered Mingyu resting his head on your lap, tracing small circles on your thigh as if he had been punished.

Dokyeom. Taking photos.

He already has a folder with your name and an unhealthy number of photos; Seokmin just never gets tired, you're so used to it that most of the time don't realize that he's actually trying to hit on you. "Just let me take a picture, you look so beautiful today!" And after giving him an awkward smile, you're getting back to your stuff.  Seokmin is a bit disappointed but with a bunch of new photos of his precious person, so is not that bad (at least is what he says to himself trying to not lose his mind).

Seungkwan. Scolding.

I know, it may sound like a bit harsh but when he's scolding you, Seungkwan tries to make it as tender as possible, it doesn't feel like scolding and actually, he uses this as a cheap excuse to be extra lovely. "Don't sleep too late, you're getting dark circles" he says in a soft voice while caressing your checks "you're too pretty for that, don't you think?". He waits for you to take the bait and when you laugh on him, saying that he's being a little dramatic, Seungkwan doesn't hide his disappointment. "Okay, keep watching your series" he says getting up from the couch "but don't you dare to complain later!"

Vernon. Placing his arm on your shoulders.

A classic that never dies and his favorite, Vernon likes to do it all the time: when watching movies, chatting, watching videos together; is a like a very subtle invitation to get closer to him, and somehow, most of the time you’re just minding your business and leave him waiting for you to notice. And yeah, he’s very patient, but everything has a limit. "Come here, babe" then he places his hand on your shoulder and brings you closer to his chest. And don't you dare to move, because there's no way he let you go now.

Dino. Calling your name.

Usually, he calls you by pet names or your name in diminutive, reserving the use of your name for special occasions. However, it doesn't always end the way he expected. “Did I do something wrong?” you ask him just after he called you by your name, and when Chan sees your big doe eyes, his smile fades. “Is just that… I feel like you’re mad at me”. At this point his intentions doesn’t matter anymore, he just hugs you and tries not cry in his disappointment.

[mllemaenad]

I have run this conversation over in my mind a dozen times, and I frankly do not understand how this could be true. Anything valuable is also highly likely to be "cultural": because it is beautiful and considered art, because it is rare, because it is made with valuable materials, because it is of historical significance; perhaps even because it is unknown – finding evidence of a lost expedition or settlement attempt that you thought left nothing behind would be valuable, even if you didn't know you wanted it before you found it. Even ancient graffiti can be valuable to a scholar.

There are probably items that are common enough that it's not a huge deal – an excess of very common household pottery, maybe – but that also wouldn't really count as treasure, now would it.

And okay: the Qunari can pay to get their stuff back, and the Lords have a policy not to overcharge. I'm not sure that's exactly ethical, but they're pirates! I'm not expecting them to be ethical. Isabela not wanting to piss of the Qunari more than necessary makes sense.

But ... I mean ... the old elvish ruins are ... old and forgotten because their civilisations fell, to Tevinter, and later to Orlais. It is genuinely going to be difficult to trace ownership of something very old to a specific Dalish clan, say, but I don't think that makes selling off their stuff better. Especially since we know the clans haul around a small number of cherished artefacts that they were able to save, so I think we can say with reasonable confidence a) they want all of it and b) they don't have the sort of resources to pay for it that the Qunari do.

I'm not sure how to read this, yet. Maybe this is something we explore with Taash later. But as a starting point ... I'd like to argue a bit more about what this means.

[little-onion-heart]

@thedouglastrap, I want to first acknowledge and celebrate you for doing what looks like some pretty significant research into the TSR era, the OSR, and how the WOTC era is different; I respect you so much more for that than Average Commentor who responds based on their perception of Old D&D owing mainly to hearsay.

Anyway, it's true that the old school spirit of AD&D 2e is somewhat contested in the OSR, but I do still think the release of 3e works as a dividing line due to just how different it was. Although 2e was definitely starting to shift in a direction closer to modern D&D, it is also true that

A. that shift really began in the 1e era, especially with Dragonlance, and

B. 2e does still have all the most crucial hallmarks of old school dungeon play: reactions, morale, XP for treasure (as an optional rule, but still) and dungeon turns.

(Granted, they did kinda screw up reactions by having the roll modified by morale instead of PC charisma for some reason, but other than that it's good. There's even multiple columns you can use to account for the PCs' or monsters' demeanor!)

Now of course reactions and morale were always more like guidelines for the DM to lean on if they couldn't/didn't want to decide on their own, but the fact that they are in the game at all says a lot; specifically, it tells DMs "These are things you should be considering." 3e's monster lore is great, but it's a lot easier to ignore a paragraph of fluff than an actual game mechanic. Similarly, it's a lot easier when skimming a stat block to see that a creature's morale score is a high number, indicating they're less likely to flee or surrender, than to scan through paragraphs of lore to find a written description of the same. When something like this is more usable during actual play, it is less likely to be ignored.

3e brought in a lot of new players, in addition to bringing back a lot of old ones. And I'm sure there were many old-timers who'd keep playing monsters as having agency out of habit, and I'm sure there were many new DMs who figured it out on their own, but like... the game itself wasn't teaching those things anymore.

Related: @imsobadatnicknames2, most of what you said about BX does apply to 2e! Again, 2e was a clear step toward 3e, but in the big picture it's much closer to 1e and BX than it is to any modern edition. Main difference is that AD&D clerics (in both AD&Ds) get their spell at level 1, so healing is slightly easier from the get-go. 1e does have negative HP, but 2e turns it into an optional rule.

So there is a pretty clear shift in playstyle between TSR D&D and WotC D&D: for better and for worse, D&D 3e introduced the idea of encounter balance, de-emphasized mechanics that had previously encouraged the GM to think of the monsters as real living creatures (reaction rolls, morale, etc.), and it had the effect of making D&D a much more combat-focused game. D&D has always been a game that's opinionated about combat, it's basically the most expressive and detailed form of play regardless of edition, but combat in the TSR editions was not exactly zoomed in and tactical. The WotC editions purposefully made combat zoomed in, granular, and tactical.

And this has had an effect on playstyle: since combat is now the main form of player expression what players actually want is for their characters to get into combat. Because combat is the most fun part of the game. But the game has also changed from the largely amoral dungeon-crawling game into a game of fantasy heroics (even though a lot of the trappings of the amoral dungeon-crawling still remain, which contributes to the dissonance), so you can't just have the player characters going into combat for the sake of it. That would frame the player characters as kind of Fucked Up, and we can't have that in our supposedly heroic fantasy.

What you end up with is a variety of contrivances like "they're bandits," "they're cultists," or, my all-time favorite, "they attacked first" to make the action seem morally justifiable, even though gameplay is still motivated by a desire to fight. The monsters fight to the death and, importantly, can often not be reasoned and negotiated with, partly because combat is supposed to be the fun, engaging part everyone is here to do, but also because if they actually acted like reasonable people it could cause dissonance with the whole "the player characters are the goodest heroes."

As my friend @tenleaguesbeneath once called it: what is actually going on is that the player characters are hunting people and monsters who have been programmed to fight to the death and never negotiate for sport, while justifying it as self-defence.

It's a simple power fantasy, and I don't think there's anything wrong with it. Sometimes you want to play a morally uncomplicated game about killing guys with cool magic swords. But I think it's also fun to think about what the specific types of monsters players end up fighting reveals about Society the invisible, unexamined ideology lying under the surface that the designers of even modern D&D have failed to examine. And to me it often reads like a frontier justice fantasy. None of that is to detract from anyone's joy of the game, and for me it's just fun to think about and post about this stuff while Still Enjoying the Game, but if someone expressing that opinion makes you feel uncomfortable, why? That's pretty silly imo.

[head---ache]

An info dump about Sage‼️

Here she is, the absolute evil girl in the Live & Learn Au! And I'm only recently realizing how little I've talked about her in the past lol So time to fix that!!!!

@sonic-au-collision

Sage doesn't really have an age??? But she chose to change her looks as time went on with updates to her software just because she felt like it tehehehe

One of these software updates (one of the first ones, actually) was to connect her with other Eggtech, in a way that she can acces it and control it in a similar way to the titans in Frontiers, but in a more direct way. She can fully control them, is the difference.

As time goes on and Eggman becomes older and older, Sage starts helping more in battle rather than just planning and keeping tabs on everything (like she used to). With this comes a growing frustration towards Sonic, because, no matter how many numbers she runs, how many possibilities she considers, he always does the unexpected, and Sage doesn't like surprises.

Now from here there'll be spoilers for the au, so if you haven't read this little one-shot, I recommend reading it before you continue here!! If you care enough, that is bsnxnskxnsx If you don't, proceed freely lol

Sage develops a really strong admiration for Eggman, and this slowly turns into an emotional dependence. She needs him, needs him to be there, to guide her. Sure, she eventually is fully doing his job as he grew old, but it was only temporary. He would get better, he would go back to rule the Eggman Empire.

But as time passed, her hopes became weaker, because Eggman just kept getting weaker, fragile, and old. This only gave her one option, so she began planning.

Sage isn't the best mechanic, but she had seen her father work enough times to get the idea, so she began working. She moved her family (Eggman, Metal Sonic, Orbot and Cubot) to an old facility to hide as she called more and more old badniks over for her to destroy them and use their parts on a support system for her father, to keep him alive long enough for her to come up with a way to transfer his consciousness into an A.I, like her. That way he wouldn't die. It was perfect.

It would've worked out if Metal Sonic had kept quiet. But no, just like the blue hedgehog he had been created after, he was stubborn, and blind to reality. He had shown the fox where they had been hiding, and then helped Sonic find Eggman.

It was his fault, he ruined her plans. It was only fair it were his hands to hurt Sonic the way they had done. As punishment. Really, a leg and a hand were nothing compared to what he had taken from her, so he should be thankful he got away with so little harm.

Her father taken away from her and having her brother betrayed her like that, Sage was mad. Desperate. She needed to do something to get back at Sonic for taking away the only reason she was alive.

So imagine her surprise when she found out he had a daughter. Oh, how the tables turn.

[allpiesforourown]

Can I ask from this ask game for BingYuan (all of the questions)? Thanks 🧁

https://www.tumblr.com/comingfromastatechampionasshole/119898100247?source=share

Send me a ship and a number and I'll tell you

1. Which one is the better cook

Binghe 100%. Shen Yuan was a spoiled rich kid and after Binghe fell into the abyss he just stopped eating... there's no way he knows how to toast bread

2. What their love letters look like

Love letters imply they're ever far enough to need to send each other letters... at most they'll be long texts Binghe sends rambling about how much he wuvs his hubby and would rather be at home than his stupid job as King 🙄 and Shen Yuan blushes and replies "Focus on work Binghe..." Then he waits for Binghe to get home and whine that sy was so cold to him so he can apologize with smooches

3. Which one outlives the other, and how they cope

I mean . We know how this goes. Corpse cuddles and trying to raise the dead

4.What they do on date night

Since Binghe is a hopeless romantic who never thought anyone would love him, I think he'd want to do stereotypically romantic and basic dates. They go to an ice rink and hold hands while they skate and he's vibrating with joy because he's living out his hallmark fantasies. Shen Yuan indulges him sooo much.. too much. He got a cold but it was worth it seeing Binghe's happy face

5. How many kids they'll have

I'm gonna say... two. One is through breeding kink gone too far, second is them seeing an orphan boy who reminds them so much of Binghe as a child and deciding they have to adopt him immediately

6. How they decorated their bedroom

Elegant and slightly minimalist. Shen Yuan has all his merch hidden away in his childhood bedroom at his parents house because he's thin faced... they stay over one night and Shen Yuan completely forgets his old room is a haven of his weeb shit and is mortified when Binghe sees his limited edition poster of a hunky male character naked holding a sword.

7 Which one is the worse driver

Shen Yuan by far... same reason as his cooking, he probably had a driver take him everywhere until Binghe showed up

8. What they argue about

9. Which one swears more

Shen Yuan by a landslide. Binghe is a very intelligent and well read man and while the same holds true for Shen Yuan, if he goes 2 minutes without calling Airplane a dumfuck authour it's worrying

10. What TV shows they watch together, and which ones they hide from the other

Theyll watch anything together, even stuff they dont like so Binghe can listen to him rant about how much it sucks. Shen Yuan hides PIDW and all his other porn-for-plot interests but Binghe knows about them.

11. What their first impression was of each other

Shen Yuan impression of Binghe: beautiful and strong man

Binghe’s first impression of Shen Yuan: beautiful and kind man

(This never changes)

12. What they do for their anniversary

Regrets of Chunshan role-playing baby!!

13. Which makes a bigger deal of birthdays

Hmm. I'm gonna have to say both. Binghe cooks a feast and Shen Yuan dotes on him and fulfills any wish Binghe has.

14. What nicknames they call each other

Binghe: yuan-gege or laoshi

Shen Yuan: Bingmei (in his head only, he's too embarrassed to say it)

15. What they would change about each

If you ask them, Shen Yuan would say Binghe should have a smaller pillar... this is a lie. He can't go back to normal after getting used to Binghe stretching him so wide

[aziraphales-library]

Lost Fic #211

1. Hi I’ve been looking for this fic for ages but I can’t for the life of me remember how I found it. It was a short one where angels needed touch and comfort, but heaven wouldn’t touch aziraphale because he was “filthy”? And he was very touch starved and Crowley eventually found out at the end after centuries with no touch. Hope you have a great day/night! - anon

2. I’m looking for a fic where aziraphale and Crowley plan to fight against heaven and hell. They place wards in their homes. They also end up having a following of people joining them (threads and social media). Eventually people also direct their prayers to Aziraphale? Crowley also ends up being like his first disciple. - anon

3. Hello. First of all thank you thank you thank you for still running this blog over the years and for being so organized and for all the recs I found through here! Now if you or your followers could maybe help me detect a fic which, it's a little awkward bcs I opened it and skimmed a little but then my phone kinda died for a while so I don't have too many drtails on it (Im so sorry!) But from the little I do remember: Aziraphale and Crowley are expecting a baby and I think Aziraphale is the one pregnant, and he has a dream during which he talks to their kid (who appears in it like a ball of light) and reassures it that he and Crowley are going to take care of everything and not to worry... he calls it a "bright kid" / "incredibly bright" / something similar as a pun in a later conversation with Crowley... I THINK it was multichapter but idr how long or if it was finished or not but if any of it rings a bell to anyone PLEASE PLEASE let me know!!! And thank you again! - anon

4. Hi!! apologies in advance, I don't have many details but i'm looking for a lost fic that was human au with aziraphale as a bookshop owner, where aziraphale and crowley's relationship developed slowly, with mutual attraction/pining. i don't think they ever explicitly confessed feelings to each other but after they kissed their relationship sorta kept developing from there. at the end, i don't remember the reason why, but they ended up having a fight and crowley leaves the bookshop, but then the bookshop catches fire. most of the books are burned but one in particular that was saved in the fire was a book that had pressed/dried flowers that aziraphale kept from the first flowers crowley gifted him (i don't remember if crowley was a flowershop owner in this au or if he just gifted aziraphale a flower bouquet separately). they make up of course and have a happy end. thanks in advance if anyone can find this fic! - @princessmavin

5. Hello!!! I hope you re good! Can you help me find a fic? It was a aziracrow oneshot where they do a lot of snnoging and smut on azi couch and i remember that Crowley had serpentine fangs (and he was venomous) and he bited azi very much It was funny and good, i ll be very very happy if you find It. Thank you!!!! 💚💚💚💚💚💚 - anon

If you know any of these fics please include the number in your reply! Thank you :)

- Mod D

[lara4eclipze]

OKAY HEAR ME OUT i know your bio says you like angst but no one has sent you anything except fluff and smut skfkskfkskf so could i pretty please req an unrequited love trope w/ lara? (or who you prefer) like maybe she has feelings for reader but reader is with another member already or somerhing like that? 🥺

“love is a drug that I quit”

sypnosis -» each passing moment, each heartbeat — guilt gnaws lara knowing she had a crush on her best friends girlfriend

beware! -» angst , touch of fluff , breakup , established relationship, toxic/cheater!sophia , swearing, crying, eventual mutual liking , guilt, I think reader is also kinda toxic in here

talks -» hey babes idk if you wanted a good ending or bad one so I give you a somewhat okay one , also thank you for requesting angst!!! , lovesick girls reference on the title, I think I went off the request a. tad bit hope it's okay though :((

taglist (open) : @nyssalvr @ohmyhaely @vrtualstar @jellaaa @c-yerim

knowing lara she would never ever ignore you on purpose — yet here she was being distant , it didn't bother you much since she was only a friend , right?

sophia invited you to stay the night in the girls house , it wasn't out of the normal — what was out of the normal was a lipgloss that sophia and yoonchae didn't use, it was near sophia's bed , at first you didn't look into it thinking maybe it was lara's or maybe megan's lipgloss

yet something in you tingled , something that told you it was someone elses

so without thinking much you asked the girls around the house if they used this specific brand of lipgloss

"manon— do you like rare beauty lipglosses?" you ask the eldest "no.. I kinda like lip oils better" she replied after so you thanked her

"hey do you guys use rare beauty lipglosses?" you ask the youngest duo while they play a video game "nope!" they both replied after so going back to their game

the same response was heard from the middle kids aka lara and daniela , now your actually seething who the fuck owned this gloss then

"sophia elizabeth laforteza—who the fuck owns this gloss and don't try to lie to me!" you scream startling her to stop using her laptop , your hands were fisted , everything felt warm or too hot as sweat dripped down from your forehead

"baby I don't know—maybe it's megan's" her voice trembled as she focused on other things rather than looking at you — she was fucking lying "are you fucking with me?! — she doesn't own this! she told me earlier!" you scream at her , she stood up and tried to calm you down but you swat her hands away

"baby—its no ones I swear" sophia tries to reason out using her soft voice that could've worked but god your tired of her lying to you, "soph don't fucking lie to me—ill find out one way or another"

you snatch her phone opening it , she tries to get it back but you push her off you , scrolling thru her dms you stumbled upon a mysterious number opening it you were not so warmly greeted with a exchange of heartfelt messages , between your girlfriend and some bitch named gabbie

"sophia I'm not gonna do this anymore — why the hell are you talking to gabbie? and why the fuck are you both so lovey dovey?" you angrily threw her phone to the floor — she looked pale almost as if she saw a ghost

"baby it's not what it seems!-"

"no sophia I'm done with you and everything — I thought maybe just maybe giving you a second chance would work , yet here you are back to your old schemes" you cut her off , your eyes blur as tears start to threaten leaving your eyes , you couldn't think properly, you packed up your things with sophia still trying to defend herself , trying to stop you from leaving

she wasn't the sophia you fell in love with certainly not the sophia you're gonna stay with

"I'm sorry — I love you but if you love me too sophia you would let me go" you said trying your very best just to look or even sound composed

now sitting in your car crying like a kid — you couldn't even bear going home when all you can think about is sophia , her hugs that made you comfortable, her kiss that made you melt especially the moments you both cherished

♪

nights passed — sleepless ones even and you still think about her , it wasn't getting any better , the more you cave in the more you became a wreck

the girls all heard the conversation — honestly it was very sick and twisted for sophia to even think of cheating on you, the girls especially lara who was very close to sophia started to distance themselves often times only getting close for fanservice

each passing moment, each heartbeat — guilt gnaws lara knowing she had a crush on her best friends girlfriend

well now ex best friend and ex girlfriend , lara didn't know what to do , whether to pick you or sophia

she wanted to approach you , to talk to you not even in a way to date but just a way to make sure your okay

so she did with her not so impeccable social skills chatting you one random night

freedom girl: y/n? can we talk? I know you're not fully healed yet but I would love to just sit down and talk with you even for a few minutes

you: sure , meet you at the studio?

freedom girl: yes be there in 30

you got ready , you knew damn well that you needed to talk to someone even if that meant it was lara — just because you didn't like her friend doesn't mean you didnt like her

driving there was quiet, no music just the gentle breeze of the air-conditioning in your car , your comfort was soon just silence

"hey how are you?" lara greets you as you park infront of the studio

the weather was cold yet in her presence everything felt warm and comforting

"I've been okay—how about you?" you replied as you both walk in the studio , soon sitting down in front of some equipment as you talk heart to heart

♪

it felt like you two were dodging the obvious topic , the break up or was it that? , or the obvious liking towards you by lara

you noticed it the minute sophia introduced you to the rest — yes you found it icky but when you first broke up with sophia she was the one to reconcile you two now for the second break up she was the one who also talked to you

she was the only one who truly cares more than sophia, the one who would actually go to war for you

yet you couldn't find it in you to date her or even confess the confusing feelings you felt , "can I tell you something?" lara suddenly stops you from thinking

"yeah anything" you replied , you look at her face trying to analyze even the smallest tug of her lips or the blink of her eyes

"you changed my perspective on a lot of things—the time you told me that love can be found anywhere, or maybe the time you helped me in my dark times" she then follows "even when you didn't have to"

you felt like a billion bricks were lifted off your shoulders — at this moment you even forgot about sophia, time was stuck and everything was right

"I'm glad I made you feel that way—you make me feel the same , I really hope this doesn't sound weird but I really love you" you mumble not thinking about the words that spewed out of your mouth and frankly you didn't care , you felt safe with her you felt like living again

"I love you too" she replied in a whisper like tone

the line was crossed , boundaries were broken and you're thankful you did

[alexanderwales]

@queenlua

(this is sort of a tangent so feel free to ignore me ENTIRELY but: who exactly is the audience for litRPG stuff? my first time hearing of it was at a sf/f writer's workshop, and when it was described to me i was like "wouldn't these people simply read webfiction" but then i was informed of The Sales Numbers Around LitRPG People I Had Never Heard Of and was like What The Hell, but i was clearly the only Extremely Online person in the room so figured i wouldn't get any further context from present company lol)

For some reason I thought I had answered this, and maybe I did somewhere and can't find it, so sorry if this is a restatement of something you've already read, but ...

There are a few fundamental fantasies being fulfilled by the modern litRPG.

First, there's the power fantasy, the idea that you can have control and be agenty and make decisions. I don't think there's anything wrong with power fantasy per se, and I expect that the desire for power fantasy will grow when people feel more and more powerless. litRPG does not offer anything much different from e.g. superhero stories, at least as far as power fantasy goes.

Second, there's the progression. This is part of the power fantasy, the getting stronger over time angle, powering up, getting better. litRPG promises that, it's in the nature of the RPG elements, and fundamental to the appeal. This is something that e.g. superhero stories usually don't have. (There is a whole genre, progression fantasy, that focuses on this, and litRPGs are usually a subset of that depending on who you ask.)

Third, the litRPG offers legibility. It is clear what the powers are, what they do, what choices are to be made. Everything is clearly laid out and easy to conceptualize, at least most of the time. And because this is the case, it's good as a platform for the imagination, especially for analytical readers. It's something for people to daydream about, argue over, etc. Legibility is super important, IMO, or at least the appearance of legibility, the illusion that the author has a Concrete Plan with Hard Numbers. Armchair psychoanalysis is that a desire for this relates to a lack of legibility (and by proxy "fairness") in real life.

Fourth, the litRPG naturally speaks the language of videogames, and a lot of the readers are super into videogames, so there's some element of "thing that I like" in there which I don't think can actually add to any analysis, but also some of the things that people like about video games are power fantasy, progression, and legibility, so ...

There's also a lot of overlap between webfic and litRPG. I don't know that I'd say it's the most popular form of webfic right now, but ... probably it is? The overall market is young men for both. [Edit: I should probably clarify that I don't know what the hell goes on over at Wattpad. AO3 is also webfic, but that's fanfic, and female dominated last I checked. I'm talking more RoyalRoad, SB/SV, QQ, etc. I am not a market expert, terms and conditions may apply.]

Here are some other reasons I've heard from people when I've asked:

it's hard to screw up, so you're guaranteed a quality baseline

the writing is often simple popcorn that's easy to digest

the writing is often bad in a way that makes it less predictable

there's often no romance or introspection

the numbers are going up, and I like that consistent dopamine drip feed

the characters are simple

the main character is just like me

I think some of these are just wild to think about, and others are not really about the genre, just the kinds of people who write within it and the stories that make up the bulk of what people are reading.

LitRPG where the protagonist's game system is very clearly from a game with a 20-minute day-night cycle, and whose gamification of hunger, thirst, and sleep just wreaks havoc on his personal and professional life.

Just kidding, litRPG protagonists don't have personal or professional lives.

[recurring-polynya]

a cool thing about writing bleach fanfic is that i have read certain parts of the canon so many times that i feel like i know it really well and then i'll realize there's something i have absolutely no clue about. today's example: in the wake of Ichigo storming Soul Society, how widespread was the knowledge that Urahara had been assisting him?

Aizen knew, obvs, for Aizen reasons, but some of the stuff he mentions, like Urahara's known base of operations being in West Rukongai-> the involvement of known Urahara associates Shiba Kuukaku and Shihouin Yoruichi and other clues probably had a number of characters such as Yamamoto, Ukitake, Kyouraku, Unohana suspicious. I feel like Soi Fon and Kurotsuchi could easily have put it together as well, but I did not get that vibe from them so either they didn't or they were just too distracted or in Kurotsuchi's case, he probably did put it together and just didn't care (or pretended not to care)

When the captains finally show up in Hueco Mundo, we learn that Urahara had been working with the Gotei for some time so obviously his involvement has been known at some high enough level of security clearance.

Did Byakuya ever officially report the fact that Ichigo Hollowified right in front of him, which may not have meant much to him, but probably would have been a big tip-off to Yams. On one hand, it does not feel very Byakuya of him to leave something like that out of a report, but on the other hand, I really feel like he just kept it to himself.

Would Rukia have mentioned Urahara in her debriefings after she was arrested? On one hand, I do not think she understood who Urahara was and would not have thought much of mentioning him. On the other hand, Rukia is a "snitches get stitches" type to the marrow of her bones and I feel like she would have intentionally wiped any mention of him from her narrative 99% on principle and 1% for the purposes of protecting Ichigo

If I were banished from Soul Society and hiding out in the Living World, I would use an assumed name, probably all the time, but AT VERY LEAST for the case of interacting with active-duty shinigami. The only person who actually did this was Isshin and I honestly believe he just changed his name for wife-guy reasons.

Ichigo did, very much, straight up tell Ikkaku that Urahara taught him to fight and it was quite clear that Ikkaku was fully aware of who Urahara was. Did Ikkaku tell anyone this or otherwise do anything with this information? I feel like he did not.

Does Ikkaku have a security clearance???????

I would not give Ikkaku a security clearance

If I were going 100% by the manga, I would assume that Yoruichi ghosted after they failed to arrest Aizen, given that she's still very much banished, but in Honey Dish Rhapsody, she apparently hung around with Soi Fon for a while. Is it possible that she had some meetings with the Gotei higher ups in the interests of re-establishing a relationship/working on getting the banishment reversed? My heart wants to say no, but Yoruichi often makes herself freely available to the Gotei in filler arcs, so who knows?

When the Advance Team first goes to the Living World, Renji goes to stay at Urahara's in the interest of "asking" Urahara why he put the hogyoku in Rukia (I assume "asking" is a euphemism for breaking his nose). I feel like this could be the natural follow-on to the idea that Renji just got handed a file of classified info related to this mission and is freshly Hot Mad at this dude he didn't know existed up until now.

Presumably, Rukia also could have given Renji a more detailed version of her time in Karakura in a non-official capacity

Presumably also, the Karakura kids could have gone around telling anyone who would listen about their Mysterious Shop Keeper Friend

I think the answer I'm leaning towards is that the Gotei higher-ups knew about Urahara's involvement and re-established communication with him, possibly in an obfuscated way so as not to run into trouble with Central 46 (fairly easy to do, since they were dead at the time). It's a pretty poorly kept secret, but on the other hand, Gotei op-sec seems to lean pretty heavily on the assumption that people who accidentally learn state secrets don't know what they are looking at and will most likely forget it in a day or two anyway.

[nicky35]

First don’t think I’m a hater. You’re not a Paige stan so I believe you’ll be reasonable when reading this. So far Paige has not lived up to the hype and I don’t see it happening. I worry if she’ll even make it far in the W. I won’t say her name but she’s not going to have a season like her. Paige should’ve went to the W last season. She was better last season. I doubt she’ll even make it Top 3 in the draft. Sarah is outshining her and it looks like she’s trying but she’s having a bad season like Kiki.

yeah i'm not a paige stan in terms of thirsting over her and stuff, but i am a paige basketball fan. that is why i started following her in hs.

i am interested in what you would consider being her "living up too the hype". i'm assuming that this means she does not put up cc or juju numbers. this goes back to people who think that stats = worth in basketball nowadays. you see a lot of people say that cc should've won over paige, because she had higher numbers. a lot of that doesn't take into account a. efficiency and b. the different style of play at uconn vs iowa. uconn has always played heavy ball movement. they want everyone on the team getting involved and getting assists. they also value minimal turnovers and high fg%. there are a lot of things you see in a game that highlights and boxscores don't tell you. anyone with real ball knowledge can see how paige runs a basketball court.

now to address she was better last year and that sarah is outshining her. she had to play insanely heavy minutes last year because of uconn's injuries. she also had to pf, because one of the only healthy and experienced players was nika, another pg. nika rarely scores, so paige was in a position where she had to take that role on more, especially with two freshmen in the starting lineup. sarah is lookign fantastic and i love how quickly she's flourishing, but she is in a much more comfortable situation. watch any game so far this season and it is obvious how quickly this team falls apart when paige isn't on the floor (their biggest issue which is why geno is trying to prep them for next year).

why did she comeback? well she played two and a half seasons at the college she's been dreaming of going to her whole life. she wants to win natty, but also it is her loyalty to geno and how little she has actually been able to play for him. even by leaving after this year, she still didn't play a whole four years. another thing she probably took into consideration is that she played almost 40 games for the first time in two years. not only that but playing 40 minutes each game, so to go from that into a new, harder league where she would've likely been drafted to a bad team where she would've again played heavy minutes and also likely a team that does not have as good of trainers and medical resources for rehab and preventing another injury.

there's about nothing she can do this season that would make her drop from that number one spot. her versatility, marketability, and overall play puts her above any other candidates.

[supremechancellorrex]

Okay, then, it's online space, we can go back and forth forever as it's all public discourse and there's no such thing as trespassing. Please give me examples of Mai saying fascist rhetoric or looking down on other nations racially. Aside from her just existing as a FN character born on the wrong side of the border. "Zuko did x" is actually a good measure when there's a double standard. Funny enough, I've met even people who call Zuko fascist and dislike Zuko's redemption story as it ends up with him as an absolute monarch, who mishandles the Fire Nation colony problem and puts FN citizen interests above Earth Kingdom interest for much of the Promise. The word is hardly stirring in this fandom now. Others have called him an abuser for how controlling he was in the Beach in who Mai could talk to. And they tell me all of that is so apparent. It seems in some opinions Zuko is badly written, despite the feels and "kindness" conclusions.

Also with Sokka and Suki it is not a "false equivalence" because Sokka and Suki were friends and then lovers who meet up again and kissed in the Serpent's Pass after spending days together and that whole spiel about Yue, his first girlfriend. He rebuffs Ty Lee in the Crossroads of Destiny by saying he's "with Suki now". Sokka went into a fit of rage and cried in Day of Black Sun over Suki, yet he didn't think of her missing until Azula mentions it despite it being weeks. Then as soon as they meet up again Sokka tries to smooch her immediately. They are in a relationship, it goes without saying. This is the nature of Avatar. You could complain the relationship between Suki and Sokka is fast, it could also be complained that Sokka forgets about Suki for a long time despite being committed to her. Arguably makes Sokka seem rather callous if one is to ignore this is an episodic kid's show, same with Zuko.

As for your conjecture of "We're supposed to think", that's just your interpretation, a rather absolutist one, but the context, voice acting, body language/smiles and structuring of those scenes, including the quotes I have shared but you're free to watch them yourself, make it unlikely for quite a number of others, myself included. Since you've talked about what you hate, I'll tell you what I dislike in the fandom. Absolutist takes where everyone in the audience is told "We're supposed to" with no evidence provided. This is what Azula stans say, they say "We're supposed to sympathise with Azula", "We're supposed to see that she's an abuse victim child and not judge her at all", despite it just being their interpretation. Mai does not dismiss everything Zuko says, there are many times she tries to understand and comfort him in Book 3, and Zuko's actual reasons for leaving are stated in the show.

Zuko: "Everyone in the Fire Nation thinks I'm a traitor... I couldn't drag her into it."

This is a protective measure for her, not "anti-war rhetoric" fears.

I think it's quite clear he didn't think she was going to do anything to him. He expresses no actual fear towards Mai at all. Even when he runs into her in the Boiling Rock, still no fear. It's because Mai and Zuko actually have a level of trust, because Mai has been often supportive of him despite a couple mistakes here and there. The more Zuko and Mai got to know each other in the show, the more time goes the more they ironed out problems like how most relationships work.

I also disagree with your accusations of how I allegedly "misconstrued" your argument when I actually think you misunderstand and misconstrue mine. You don't have to say someone doesn't need to be as bad as Ozai or Azula to be an abuser, although it's rather irrelevant, and I never said Mai's difficulty emoting was a good thing. Just like I would never say Zuko taking out his anger on others is a good thing, if we're talking about the relationship and responsibility. The funny thing is, Mai learns how to emote more and express herself. She even smiles more as the series progresses, she confronts Azula, she chooses Zuko over fear and bitterness. As for 'just "being human" and a teenage girl", think you restructured my sentence there, but regardless I never said Mai was perfect, there are reasons why, and I just don't believe it takes her out the running from having a relationship with Zuko just because they both have baggage or aren't perfect at communicating in every interaction. If you don't think Mai is "nasty", then why would Katara be supposedly justified in punching her in the throat and never liking her? I think the word is actually a good summary of your view of her, since you claim she's an "abuser" and "mean" to everyone, demanding a relationship with Zuko as if this is an entrapment case (despite Zuko clearly wanting the relationship as well and making his own decisions).

Zuko [surprised, happy]: 'Mai! You're okay! They let you out of prison?"

Mai : "My uncle pulled some strings. And it doesn't hurt when the new Fire Lord is your boyfriend."

Zuko: [happy, smiling] "So does this mean you don't hate me anymore?"

Look at Zuko's response, look at the context. Think we can take it that Mai isn't demanding anything here if they both know each other and what each other wants. Zuko is receptacle because he wants to be back with her, and she knows it, which is the context of the dialogue. It feels like you're forcing Mai into an aggressor/abuser role that doesn't fit her character. Mai herself is critiqued in the narrative for suppressing her emotions, and as the narrative continues we see her learn to express them more to the point she not only yells in the Beach but later goes against Azula. But Mai is never an abuser. Whether you appreciate this or not, these are canon scenes. You can argue bad writing, but it doesn't change that the writing is geared to Mai being a certain character, and that is likely not the one you're accusing her of, even with her earlier villain rep that felt rather mild in the narrative ultimately. She didn't even want to chase Katara and Sokka through slurry.

As for Ukano, guy hardly seems like a threat, Mai handled him and everyone easily while holding a toddler. Perhaps Mai didn't think Ukano would achieve much, or join with Azula, who was supposed to be in asylum. Do I think it's bad writing? Sure. Entire New Ozai Society is. Same with how I think Zuko regressing his character arc and getting advice from a genocidal maniac like Ozai is bad. At worst, they're just both muddled about their bad fathers and manipulated at times, Ukano plants doubts in Mai's mind in Smoke and Shadow (that undermine Maiko), Ozai plants doubts in Zuko in the Promise (that consequently undermine Maiko). Not sure how this adds to your Mai is an abuser narrative, Ukano and Ozai are a better fit for the blame by messing with their kids' feelings and relationship.

"I think Katara would get along with Azula/Mai because female solidarity!"

Cool. I think Katara would punch fascists in the throat.

[ir-abelas-vhenan]

Losing My Mind Over Veilguard 6/?? Aka the Dread Wolf Double Bind

These posts are getting up here in number (yes ma'am that is 1 2 3 4 5 instances of me not being able to get my shit together and coming back again for more)

and quite frankly there's nothing I can do about it until the "we've been treated and tormented by this game" demon has been exorcised from my body, so here we go again.

Today I give to you:

(Modeled after Inquisition Solas and his sad, bald-ass basset hound mage bum glory becuase I think it's important that newcomers know exactly who his fans fell in love with/who inspired his enemies to conduct speed-runs to punch him. Yassified Solas ran only because this mangled membranous man crawled first)

Part of what's making me lose my mind here, I've discovered, is a strange sort of survivor's guilt where everything I really like or really hate about Veilguard can be traced back to Solas and I don't know how to deal with it because we've never had such a divide before between one character getting ALL the content and everyone else from their game being left in the absolute dust.

Disclaimer: Yeah, no one from Origins has had more screen time across games than Morrigan at this point, and therefore no one has gotten more robbed of the substance of their character, but even the damage done to her wasn't the kind that warped an entire game. No, the devs saved that all for the Dread Wolf in the Room.

Even putting it down on paper and comparing the two in-game versions of him, it took me a second to work through why I'm so conflicted, but I think I've finally settled on a few key points.

Concern #1: Solas Haters Were Robbed.

Part of the allure of Solas is that if you want to punch that man in the face, you're gonna get the chance to punch him in the face. Is that my personal preference? No. But in a game where your companions are built to make you think instead of letting you turn your brain off, you're bound to have personalities that clash against yours. To have such a non-descript-looking iambic-pentameter-talking apostate be able to inspire strong emotions across the whole spectrum of players was part of his appeal. Now, as far as I understand it, you have four options at the end of Veilguard.

1. Solas lives and he might actually not hate himself some day.

2. Solas lives and he's absolutely going to write a diary entry a night about why he hates himself.

3. Solas lives and he's going to write a diary entry a night about why he hates YOU.

4. Solas lives and you better hope he never again figures out how to live in your general vicinity

Do you see my concern here? I, shamelessly, can admit that I would do unspeakable fictional things to get that man his happy ending (within reason...mostly...), but I feel like the game took the opportunity away from the players who threw that knife in their map at the end of Trespasser and vowed to take a bitch down for stealing their best armor and waxing poetic about the Grey Wardens while seemingly sitting on his ass and having no inclination to stop the blight (help). This, then, leads me into my second issue.

Concern #2: The Game Refuses to Give Solas room outside of its own agenda

In the near-decade it took for Solas to slip back into his trickster god persona, he seems to have forgotten why he began his quest to tear down the veil in the first place. I like that Rook gets to experience the version of our favorite hard boiled egg that near-singlehandedly tore down several empires by being an absolute terror to those with bigger egos. I like that new players are going to hear Solas tell them that they've earned his respect and actually believe it until they inevitably get their first taste of ancient elven betrayal. What I don't like? When a nuanced yearning for a world in which three majorly mistreated groups (spirits, elves, mages) would be free from many of the constraints that enabled their oppression suddenly becomes "I am doing this because if I don't I have betrayed my friend. Which friend you ask? Oh, the one that was on board with my plan until it no longer suited the story."

The combo of few characters from previous games and a sanitized near-blank slate for the setting of this game was deadly to one of its best-written characters. Because of it, Solas is forced to abandon his double-speak, the joy he takes in giving you scraps of an answer that, by the time you get it, you will already have missed the chance to piece it together from separate clues that he ALSO dropped. He's not going to get to show you the loyal followers the epilogue of Inquisition made clear that he has, because the game wants to usher you into the new future of the series. You're not going to get to ask him (or any NPCs for that matter) a bunch of questions so that you can form your own opinion of him, because all that matters is that he isn't Elgar'nan or Ghilan'nain so let's move along, shall we?

Because the game needs exposition and a foil to its two other baddies, and needs it FAST, the mythic Dread Wolf becomes a plot device designed to get you where you need to go when you need to be there. It doesn't work purely for that reason alone, at least in my opinion, but it gets so much worse when a game that promises you that it's going to work for players new and old relies on someone experienced players want a personal reckoning with to guide every Rook through the game only to realize that those questions of morality regarding whether the veil is torturous for a subjugated few or the only thing preserving most of life as we know it are going to have to remain questions.

You don't get a choice of whether Solas is in your party or not, and you can't advance in the game without talking to him. You don't get to choose not to impress him. You don't get to choose whether you're going to work with him in the final battle, and as previously mentioned, your only real choice in how his story ends is one of four options in which he lives every time in varying states of self-loathing. You're still going to love him or hate him, but just how strongly you're able to show those feelings towards him is severely curtailed. And that's an absolute shame for a character that commanded such fierce attention.

And that's where, ultimately, I find myself with a weird amount of survivor's guilt.

When I finished my Veilguard playthrough, I had barely a moment to fully contemplate the amount of whiplash and disappointment I felt going from a Solas that I had spent almost a decade knowing to a One Dimensional Fen'Harel who threw out his core values and goals like they were chilling in a cup of tea before. Why? Because I very quickly felt guilty. And then I got angry for feeling guilty!

The game's failure to adequately represent its other characters and lore has created a world in which I don't like the Solas we've been given, but I can't live without him either. Who am I to complain that his most complex and compelling features are gone when other players are mourning the fact that the last they may ever hear of their favorite character is reduced to a scrap in the codex? How can I be frustrated at how the Lavellan reunion scene goes down when other players would kill for the chance to have their Inquisitor seemingly give any sort of shit about being in the game aside from being told it was mandatory to earn participation points? How can I lament the fact that his storyline seems to share all the wrong lessons to be learned from a toxic friendship rooted in a never-equalized power imbalance when someone else is watching Morrigan pull a complete 180 and wondering why the fuck they spent so much time researching whether or not her accepting her mother's choices as her own was what she truly wanted? At least Solas still loves Lavellan, even though we needed to ask Trick Weekes several follow up questions just to double check. At least Solas gets more in the epilogue than one empty "we remember the heroes that came before" platitude.

And to suddenly fear any appearances of past characters from a studio that used to make me stay up theorizing about how a character might grow and evolve and continue to impact the world I helped shape? It's depressing as hell, and it's why I was too scared to get attached to any of the new companions once I finally got past the writing and lack of complexity.

The people that hate Solas, deserved better.

The people that valued what he brought to their Inquisitor's small but strong group of friends deserved better.

The people that love Solas more than Sera loved pissing him off deserved better.

And new players, who had a chance to engage with one of the most powerful storylines in the game and instead got a heaping dose of Deus Ex Machina Lite, deserved better.

If taking a character that had the potential and power needed to shape an entire continent and banishing him one of four different ways to Fade jail so that the book could quickly be closed on a years-long legacy is what the studio is calling a return to their roots, I'll stick with the efforts of fans to create art and theories that aren't afraid to double down into what actually keeps people coming back for more.

[theloveoffootball10]

sᴛɪᴄᴋᴡɪᴛᴜ - ᴛ ʜ ɪ ʀ ᴛ ʏ ᴛ ʜ ʀ ᴇ ᴇ

m a s t e r l i s t

ᴛ ʜ ɪ ʀ ᴛ ʏ ᴛ ʜ ʀ ᴇ ᴇ

The hours pass painfully slow, I'm almost convinced I've pushed Lando too far away and now he wants nothing to do with me. I know the hospital will be keeping him for observations for a few hours but I did think he would have called me by now. I know I've made him wait weeks to speak to him but I had my reasons. Stepping into the red hot shower I let the water cascade over my body as I come to terms with the crash. I know Lando is okay but seeing him crash the way he did is something I'll never forget, I might have been angry and upset lately but that hasn't stopped me loving him, it doesn't mean I want to see him hurt. Panicking as I hear my phone start to ring I dive out of the shower attempting to wrap the towel around me without falling as I answer the call.

"Adam? Hello! I'm here!" I practically scream into the phone as I nearly miss the call from Adam.  

"It's me. Not my dad" Lando's voice is quiet and soft but it doesn't stop the gasp escaping my lips. I know I asked Adam to ask Lando to phone me but I'm kind of shocked he actually has phoned.

"Hi" I don't know what to say. I thought I knew what I had to say to Lando but now he's on the other end of the phone I'm lost for words.

"My dad said he spoke to you after the crash and you wanted me to call you"

"Yeah I did ask him. I thought it was him phoning again" it feels awkward talking to Lando, something I never thought would happen.

"My phone is still in my drivers room or it could be at the hotel now. I did think you might have my number blocked to be honest with you Lucía" I can't lie, it did cross my mind to completely block Lando everywhere but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

"I thought about it but I go through with it. Look Lando I know you didn't expect to hear from me and I have no right to ask for you to call but I just had to hear your voice for myself to know you're okay" hearing Lando at the other end of the phone fills me with so much relief, he might have had to go to hospital but I'm grateful it was nothing too serious.

"I've been hoping every single day that you'd get in touch. I'm okay Lucía, more than okay now I'm speaking to you. I'll be in pain for a few days but it's nothing I can't live through"

"I'm so pleased you're okay Lando" sitting on my bed wrapped in my towel I can't help myself. I start to cry for the second time this morning "I was so scared when you crashed I didn't know what to do. I felt so helpless that I wasn't there. I really thought I was going to lose you in that moment when your car just didn't stop"

"Don't cry baby. I'm made of strong stuff, I'm absolutely fine. I don't want you to worry about me" I don't correct Lando when he calls me baby, truthfully I've missed it. It takes me back to when everything was okay between us.

"I worry every single time that you get in the car. It might be cliché but it made me realise life is too short and nothing is promised, I'm ready to listen to you if you still want to talk" the thought of losing Lando forever absolutely terrifies me. If we don't work out as a couple I would love to still have him in my life in some way or other.

"I want nothing more than to talk to you and explain everything. You deserve the full truth and I'll do it in your time Lucía"

"I know it's in a couple of weeks but can we meet up in Abu Dhabi to talk? I’d rather sit down to talk to you in person about this" I feel like this is a conversation we need to have in person as tough as it might be.

"You're still going?"

"I go every year. I'm not going to change that because of what happened with us. I'll be in the garage with my dad as planned but I'd like to see you one day if you have time" I know race weekends are hectic and I know Lando will be busy but I'd like to think we can see each other for a bit.

"Lucía even if I didn't have time, I'd make time for you. The doctor is coming to see me, can I text you later when I have my phone back?" Lando asks and I think he's unsure of what my response might be.

"Yeah I'd like that Lando" I say my goodbyes to Lando letting him go and speak to the doctor. I feel like I've had a weight lifted off my chest now I've heard his voice. Seeing my mum walk into my room I know by the look on her face she knows I've spoken to Lando "so do you think I'm stupid for needing to hear his voice today and wanting to talk to him?"

"No I don't think you're stupid. I think you're a girl in love with a man who made a stupid mistake but from what I can see, he's trying to put things right" I really need to hear Lando's version of events before I can make my mind up but I can't deny how nice it was to hear his voice "at the end of the day this is your decision to make. No one can decide these things for you"

esmelucia

Liked by user833, landonorris, and 28,017 others

esmelucia smiling 'cause I'm about to get some winter sun! Last one of the season, Abu Dhabi LFG 🇦🇪

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user682 first race since Austin and Lando back liking posts does this mean Luando is back on?!

↪️ user399 I'm praying they are! Lando has been so down lately without Lucía

↪️ user928 no one said they broke up

↪️ user682 they didn't need to say it, it was obvious

user953 she's going to Lando's last race of the season I could cry 😭

↪️ user843 she's going for her dad. All you need to do is check her previous posts to see it's a yearly father / daughter trip. She'll be wearing Aston Martin this weekend 100%!

abswilson your comments are wild lol. Miss you already fucker!

↪️ esmelucia I know but entertaining! Miss you my slag!

daniellemitch winter sun ain't all you're going to be getting 🍆💦🐱

↪️ esmelucia okayyy bye. I'm leaving. On a jet plane. Plz don't text 🛎️🔚

I arrive in Abu Dhabi on the Tuesday night, I’m planning to meet Lando Wednesday and my dad has already arrived from Qatar. It’s nice to be back somewhere that always feels so familiar. As long as I can remember I’ve made the effort to be at the last race of the season, even back when I wasn’t old enough to travel alone my mum would always come with me.

Wednesday afternoon comes around all too quickly now I’m stood in my room with a glass of wine following lunch with my dad. I’ve decided it’s best to meet Lando in my room away from any prying eyes or walls with ears. What needs to be said is between us however I don’t feel any less nervous than I would if I was meeting him somewhere public.

Hearing a knock on my door I take a deep breath as I open it to Lando stood in front of me for the first time in weeks. He looks as exhausted as I’ve felt lately. His usually tanned skin is pale, his eyes are sunken and the bags under his eyes are purple. He looks like he hasn’t had a decent night sleep for months.

“Come in” I say opening the door feeling slightly awkward “can I get you a drink or anything?”

“No thank you. You look good Lucía our break up must have done you good” the tone in Lando’s voice tells me he’s not trying to be condescending, he sounds devastated.

“Thank you but we both know it’s a spray tan. I knew cameras would be on me this week so I prepared for it. It’s been the worst couple of weeks I could’ve ever imagined since Austin” sitting on the couch I pull my knees up to my chest resting my chin on them.

“I’m sorry for everything I’ve put you through Lucía. You were the last person I ever wanted to hurt” gesturing towards the other side of the couch I invite Lando to sit down so we can talk.

"This is harder than I thought it would be" I say running my finger around the rim of the wine glass in front of me. I don't want to be drunk when Lando and I talk but I need the one for liquid courage "if we're ever going to move on from what happened I need the truth Lando. No matter how much it might hurt for me to hear it, I want to know everything" I say to Lando. I want to forgive him, I love him but I need the truth, nothing sugarcoated just the truth.

"She had photos of you and Lewis hugging in the paddock and showed them to me. I wasn't bothered by the photos, I know the kind of relationship you have with him but she said she had a friend who was waiting to write an article. An article about you and Lewis"

"I'm confused where this is going. There is no story to write. There has never been a me and Lewis, never has been and never will be. He's like an uncle to me or really annoying older brother" there's nothing to write about me and Lewis, anything they could write would make for a boring read. He's my dad's friend and I have known him forever, there's no more to it.

"We both know that and I tried to explain that to her but the friend was spinning the story in a different direction. They were basically fabricating a story to say you've been in a relationship with Lewis on and off over the years despite the age difference and Lewis knowing you since you were a literal child"

"Okay so what I'm taking from this is that she has basically blackmailed you over a non-story?"

"She said if I kissed her she'd keep everything to herself and not pass anything to her friend. I thought I was protecting you from the fall out of a Lewis story and it turns out I was the one who hurt you most"

"Lando now I'm thinking with a clear head I know where you were coming from. I wish you just told me but I think I understand. We know none of it is true but if she started to spread rumours that I've been with Lewis then I know I'd get called all kinds of names and I dread to think what they'd do to Lewis. He's fifteen years older than me and I've know him since I was probably five years old" squeezing Lando's hand across the couch I know he did this for me "one more question, why did you not just tell me?"

"It happened so quick I didn't have time to process it. My only thought was protecting you" lacing my fingers with Lando's I squeeze his hand tight. All of this could have been avoided.

"Just so you know I'm going to knock her clean out when I see her smug face"

"I wouldn't expect anything else. Can you make sure I'm there to watch when you do? That was some slap you gave me and I'd like to see it happen to someone else rather than being on the receiving end"

"I'm so sorry about that. I saw red and lost control but you did kind of deserve it" I still can't believe I slapped Lando. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it.

“I fully deserved it. I had the lasting imprint of your hand for a few hours��� Lando says with a laugh and I know he’s not mad at me for slapping him.

“Lando? Can I ask you something?”

“You can ask me anything Lucía. I’m an open book for you”

“Can I give you a cuddle? I saw what you said about not sleeping for 2 days after Brazil and it broke my heart. It made me wish I could’ve been in Monaco with you” after watching the Las Vegas Grand Prix and speaking to Lando I decided to watch the highlights of the races I’d missed. Seeing the way Lando has spoken about himself lately is awful to see as someone who cares so deeply for him.

“Yeah you can. You don’t need to ask. It wasn’t just the race that had me not sleeping. It was both championships but most of all it was knowing I’d truly messed up with you” turning my full body on the couch to face Lando I move closer to him. It feels foreign to be so close to him but at the same time it’s so familiar.

I pull Lando into me his arms instantly wrapping around my waist tightly and his head finding the crook of my neck. I wrap one arm around Lando rubbing gentle circles on his back, the other cradling his head as I run my fingers through his curls. I don’t know how long we sit in this position but I feel Lando’s tears on my neck and hold him tighter. This is a man who loves with his whole heart but gets into his own head that he isn’t good enough when in reality he is good enough, in fact he’s more than good enough. I’ve never known anyone like him.

“I love you Lucía. I know I’ve hurt you but I need you to know I love you” Lando says into my neck not lifting his head.

“I know Lando and I love you too. So much you have no idea. I never stopped loving you and I don’t think I ever will” as Lando lifts his head to look at me I gently wipe the stray tears from under his eyes with the pad of my thumb.

“I really needed that cuddle. Thank you”

“You don’t need to thank me. Just remember whenever you’re feeling down or need to talk I’m here” whether I’m in a relationship with Lando or not, I always want him to know I’m here for him.

“Where does this leave us? Could there still be an us or have I royally fucked that part of my life up?”

“Stop being so hard on yourself Lando. I’ll be honest I don’t know where this leaves us. I need some time to think but I’m not writing anything off yet” I don’t want to say yes to still being with Lando straight away. I know it’s inevitable I’ll end up back with him but I need to process what he’s told me.

“That’s all I ask Lucía. I want to prove myself to you. I’m going to head back, I’ve got a training session with Jon and you know he’ll kill me if I don’t go. Thank you for listening to me” before I get the chance to mumble something other than a quick goodbye Lando kisses the top of my head leaving me stood in the middle of the room as he heads to training. I feel so much better having now seen Lando in person but knowing this all stemmed from one person leaves me no other option. I have to confront the bitch.

[rekino2114]

[Me checking tumblr this morning]

Oh hey neat I have 500 followers now

WAIT I HAVE 500 FOLLOWERS NOW?

Genuinely, I never thought this would happen, and to think I started this blog just because I was sick and bored one day.

I cannot express my gratitude for all the support you've shown me. It means so much that you like my stuff and every like,reblog request and follow is very much appreciated and means a lot. Thank you so much. I'll definitely continue writing stuff for you.

And here's to another 500

So I have an announcement now. To celebrate this milestone I'll add two fandoms to the masterlist, one of which I'll let you guys choose(because as a yttd fan there's few things I like more than a good old fashioned majority vote)

The first fandom is gonna be from one of my favorite things to write for:fanganronpas. I've narrowed the choices down to three of them and I wanted to let you choose which one you'd like to see me write for the most

Don't worry I will still add the fangans that don't win the vote later, probably when we get more chapters or I reach more milestones

I'll leave you with some small drabbles/incorrect quotes with the main girls from the fangans you can choose from for today's post.

Thank you so much again for the milestone and hope you have a great day

Cancel(drf:sh)

[You and cancel are making out on the couch in your dorm]

Y/n:usually you're never this affectionate, what's up?

Cancel:What? Can't I show you my love once in a while?

Y/n:awww, you love me?

Cancel:yes, don't I say it enough?

Y/n:definitely not

Cancel:uh, just shut up and kiss me

[You continue making out until enigma walk in the room]

Enigma:Hey cancel have you see-

[She immediately pulls out while blushing intensely]

Cancel:Why are you here? Do you not know how to knock?

Enigma:geez sorry I didn't mean to-

Cancel:you still did, so go away

[He walks out as cancel looks away, still embarrassed]

Y/n:......guess you couldn't predict that

Cancel:[blushing] s-shut up

Akira hayasaka(dr:hd)

R/g/n:Call me, cutie~

[She says while handing you a piece of paper with her number]

Y/n:.....I actually-

[She walks away before you can even finish]

Y/n:[sigh]

[You throw the paper away and approach akira, who's still glaring at the girl]

Akira:what a bitch, she didn't let you finish half your sentences

Y/n:Yeah,you're way better

Akira:Did you really have any doubts~?

Y/n:[giggle] no

Akira:Good.......by the way, do you know what her name is?

Y/n:No, she didn't even tell me that can you believe that? Why do you wanna know anyway?

Akira:..........no reason

Y/n:.....Kira, you're not thinking about killing her....right?

Akira:No,I'm a hitman, not a murderer

Y/n:Oh good

Akira:.....that being said, I wouldn't mind someone putting a hit on her

Y/n:.......

Anko hibana(bdr:cp)

Anko:[gasp] How can you tell such things about me, hiro!? and I thought we were friends, I am not clingy with y/n!

Hiroto:.......

[You suddenly walk into the room]

Y/n:Hey babe do you wanna-

Anko:[gasp]

[She immediately runs to hug you tightly

Anko:Oh,how are you, my sweet and cute pookie

Y/n:....g-good thanks

Anko:I bet it's better now that I'm here riiiiiight~?

Y/n:y-yeah

Anko:[giggle] good answer

[She starts peppering your face in kisses]

Hiroto:You seriously don't see what I mean?

Anko:hm? What were we talking about again?

Hiroto:........

Anko:sorry it's just that y/n takes up all the space in my mind when I see them, in fact, we're going out now

Y/n:w-wait we are?

Anko:so call me if you need me ok hiro?

Hiroto:.......

Anko:I'll take that as a yes

[She grabs your hand and drags you outside]