#I'm not excusing his actions he is broken no doubt but he was right in a lot of things

[dreamlandcreations]

Aleksander: “Perhaps now you’re getting an inkling of what it’s like to be hunted. But you still have no idea what it means to fake countless deaths, to have to reinvent yourself after every rebirth, to lose every loved one to sickness, desperation, hate, and time.”

Alina: “Is this how you justify your actions? Your loneliness? A wound that won’t heal?”

Aleksander: “You’ve yet to see the full shape of things. My Alina, you live in a single moment. I live in a thousand.”

Alina: “You’re already dead.”

I might be getting old, but one of the qualities I appreciate most about characters is empathy. When you show me “villain”, who has plenty of it, and “heroine”, who has none, it’s an easy enough choice for me. And I WON’T be rooting for her.

Aleksander lived through countless horrors, but he doesn’t make it about himself, he’s telling Alina it’s awaiting her too. He’s warning her. She hears only excuses for perceived wrongs and doesn’t concern herself with future that far.

Alina’s the one to drag Darkling’s “actions” into conversation, but the fact those were designed with certain goal in mind doesn’t matter. Somehow the end of wars is about Sasha’s loneliness. I fail to see how…

Alina calls Aleksander “dead”, yet he’s the one who keeps sacrificing his lives for his people. If he were as heartless as she wants to believe, he could simply fuck off to trip over the world instead of dealing with blind, stubborn, entitled smartass.

[m1ng1ology]

breaking dishes

jaehyun x fem!reader

song : breaking dishes by rihanna

"is he cheating? man, i don't know. i'm looking around for something else to throw. im breaking dishes up in here all night, uh huh."

warnings: angst, throwing glass, yelling, cheating, slight manipulation, toxic relationship mention

wc : 1.2k

synopsis: y/n uncovers a painful truth about her relationship with jaehyun. as emotions escalate, a confrontation ensues, leading to broken trust and broken dishes. despite his attempts to justify his actions, y/n realizes it’s time to let go of a relationship that’s no longer healthy.

the clock on the wall ticked louder than usual, or maybe it was just the pounding in your head. the room was suffocating, filled with the quiet tension that hung in the air between you and him. you sat on the couch, your phone in hand, your eyes burning as you stared at the door. he was late again. your fingers tightened around your phone as the memory of that damn picture flashed in your mind once more. 

“isn’t this jaehyun?” your friend’s message echoed in your head, followed by the image of him at the bar, his arm around her, laughing like he didn’t have a care in the world. you knew. deep down, you knew something had been wrong. the late nights, the excuses that didn’t add up. how he’d flinched when you came close to his phone. how he’d promised that everything was fine when you asked, only to keep pulling away. but seeing it—seeing him with her—was the confirmation. the door clicked open, and you instantly tensed, gripping the couch tighter as he stepped inside, his usual smile plastered on his face. 

“hey, baby,” he said, dropping his bag by the door. his voice was too warm, too familiar, like nothing had happened. you stood up sharply, fury building in your chest. 

“don’t ‘hey baby’ me, jaehyun.” he looked at you, clearly confused. 

“what’s wrong?” he asked, but you could hear the unease creeping into his voice now.

you didn’t answer right away, the words catching in your throat. you were trying to calm down, trying to keep control, but it was all too much. how could he do this?

 “why were you at the bar with her, huh?” you finally spat, your voice trembling with anger. “you think i wouldn’t find out?” his eyes widened.

 “what are you talking about?” he stepped toward you, but you stepped back, heart racing in your chest. “baby, please. listen to me, it’s not what you think.” you scoffed, grabbing your phone and shoving it in his face.  “don’t even try to lie to me, jaehyun. I saw the picture. I saw everything.” he paused, his face faltering for just a moment before he reached out, trying to take the phone from your hand.

“y/n, it’s not what you think. you know how the media blows things out of proportion. that picture doesn’t mean anything.”

“doesn’t mean anything?” you laughed bitterly, shoving the phone back into your pocket. “don’t insult me like that. i’m not stupid.” he sighed, clearly irritated now, but his voice softened in a way that almost felt manipulative.

“come on, y/n. don’t do this. you know it was just a moment. just one night. it doesn’t mean anything. you mean everything to me.” the words stung, but they were designed to make you doubt yourself, to make you second guess everything you knew.

“it doesn’t mean anything?” you echoed, shaking your head in disbelief. “you’ve been lying to me for months, jaehyun. i’ve known something was off. and now you’re telling me this was just a ‘moment’? just one mistake?” he stepped closer, his eyes filled with desperation.

“y/n, listen to me. you’re the one I love. I always come home to you, don’t I? I always come back to you. please, don’t do this.” the tears that had been threatening to spill finally broke free as your voice wavered.

“yeah, you come back home, but you don’t come back to me, do you? not really. not the way I need you to. he was right there now, his hands on your shoulders, his fingers lightly caressing your skin.

“baby, it was a mistake. but you and me? we’re real, okay? you know that. i would never want to hurt you.” his voice was a soft whisper, and for a moment, it almost felt like he was telling the truth. but then, in that fragile moment, you saw the flicker of guilt in his eyes—a flicker quickly masked by his practiced smile. “i didn’t want to hurt you, y/n,” he said again, and his voice lowered to a pleading tone. “but you’ve been so distant lately. we’ve been growing apart, and I didn’t know what to do. i was just trying to feel… something.” his words hit like a slap, but there was something more behind them—manipulation. guilt-tripping you into thinking this was your fault. you shook your head, backing away from him.

“you think this is my fault? you really think i pushed you into someone else’s arms?” he reached out again, grabbing your wrist to stop you from walking away.

“y/n, stop. i didn’t mean it like that.” his grip tightened. “i’m sorry, okay? but don’t make this worse than it is. we’re not done. you and me, we can fix this. we just need to try harder.” you wrenched your wrist free, taking a step back.

“fix this? how do you plan to fix this, jaehyun? you can’t just throw a couple of apologies at me and make everything better. you ruined it. you ruined us.” he frowned, his brow furrowing in frustration.

“god, y/n, don’t act like this. you think I don’t care? you think I don’t feel bad? this is hard for me too. you’ve been pulling away, not giving me what I need, and I was looking for something...anything...to feel alive again.”

“so you thought cheating was the answer?” you snapped, your voice trembling with disgust. “you think that was the answer to your problems?” he took a step closer, his voice low, almost pleading now.

“y/n, please. don’t make this harder than it needs to be. I made a mistake, but I love you. don’t throw that away because of one stupid mistake. you’re everything to me. I don’t want to lose you.” but it was too late. the damage had been done. the weight of his betrayal pressed down on you, and no amount of empty promises would undo it. you didn’t want to hear it anymore. without warning, you grabbed a nearby plate and hurled it at the wall, the crash of glass sending a shock through the room.

“i’m not your fucking doormat, jaehyun,” you screamed, your voice cracking. “don’t think for a second I’ll just take you back after everything you’ve done. you don’t get to destroy me and beg for forgiveness like it’s that easy.” his face twisted in guilt, his hands raised defensively.

“y/n, please! i’m sorry. I never wanted this to happen. i just—” but you didn’t care anymore. you grabbed another dish and slammed it onto the ground, shattering it in pieces.

“i’m done,” you spat, every word heavy with fury. “just get out. get out of my house. i don’t ever want to see you again.”

“y/n, don’t—” he began, but you cut him off, your voice cold and resolute.

“leave, jaehyun. now.” you could see the way he was struggling to stay calm, to hold onto the illusion that he could still fix things. but you weren’t buying it. not anymore. he looked like he might say something more, but he didn’t. with a frustrated growl, he stormed toward the door, but not before glancing back at you one last time.

“i love you, y/n. don’t forget that.” you didn’t answer. you couldn’t. as the door slammed shut behind him, the silence felt heavier than ever.

[maxdibert]

I once saw a really hot fanart of AU silco from arcane and I was like "this looks like Snape" and then from there I wondered if you liked silco. Then I stumbled across a post from you (I think, I'm sure it was otherwise this is embarrassing) simping for Silco so I was right I guess. My question is do you think you can draw any similarities between those two, if there are any? Maybe even talk about silco? You're pretty good at character analysis so..

Ahhhhh Silco, my problematic fave without a doubt. I’ve criticized Silco a lot, and I still do, because he represents a massive social and structural issue that also exists in the real world: the figure of the criminal who takes advantage of the vulnerability and lack of resources in his environment to enrich himself at the expense of the lives of the poorest, even though he comes from that same background. To top it off, he convinces himself that he’s some kind of solution for the society or community he inhabits, when in reality, he’s a cancer. But I adore him—what can I say?

It’s also true that it’s quite difficult to hate any of the main or secondary characters in Arcane, because it’s a series with a well-developed script that lets you understand everyone’s motivations and actions, even if you don’t agree with them or find them awful. A lot of people criticized Caitlyn this past season, but I’m a strong Caitlyn defender because I completely understand where her anger and radicalization come from. It’s not just about losing her mother in such a traumatic way, but also the disillusionment she feels when she realizes that her attempts at advocating for conciliation not only don’t work but also end in tragedy. She embodies the disillusioned idealist, and it’s really well done.

But anyway, let’s talk about Silco. First of all, I don’t see many similarities between Silco and Snape, aside from young Silco being super Snape-coded physically. I mean, I’d totally accept him as Snape’s image because he has features that really remind me of him (which clearly shows I have a type—shame, no shame lol). But beyond that, their backstories, personalities, and motivations are very different. Silco isn’t someone who’s manipulated or desperate to fit in and join a gang. Silco created that gang; he’s the one doing the manipulating. He’s the one promising young people a better future if they follow him, when all he’s really doing is spreading a drug that’s poison and leaving his city even more impoverished than it already was.

If I had to compare Silco to someone, it would be Tommy Shelby from Peaky Blinders, because of how both go from being idealistic revolutionaries to animated versions of Pablo Escobar. Both come from poor environments, both were ambitious young men dreaming of a better world, but those dreams were crushed by traumatic events. Both resorted to violence, coercion, and blackmail to achieve their goals, and both ended up as mafia leaders who climbed the social ladder but could never truly reach the upper classes because they didn’t belong in that world.

Silco is a very well-constructed character. His fight with Vander and the deaths of his friends, partly due to his own actions, shift his worldview from believing he can make the world better to seeing it as irreparably broken—but still something he can dominate, something he can reclaim if he becomes powerful enough. This leads him to become a drug lord. He’s not actually achieving Zaun’s freedom; he’s condemning it to drug addiction.

I always compare Silco to Pablo Escobar because it’s easy to see the similarities in their methods: both used the excuse of improving the people’s lives to exploit them for personal gain, both manipulated young people by offering them jobs or protection in exchange for loyalty, both turned their violent environments into even more violent war zones, and both justified themselves by believing the world owed them something.

Silco commits truly horrific acts. He uses children, spreads a drug epidemic to make his environment easier to control, and his relationship with Jinx is deeply unhealthy and manipulative. I don’t doubt that he loved her, but he loved her badly. He projected all his traumas onto her, turning her into an unstable, self-loathing ticking time bomb—so much so that she ended up causing his death (poetically brilliant, top-tier storytelling). I always say that loving someone doesn’t mean loving them well, and Silco didn’t love Jinx well. He loved her selfishly; he loved her as someone to mold in his image. But you can’t expect someone raised in that environment to know how to do things right.

People simp for him by absolving him of everything and acting like he’s just a sad boy, but he wasn’t sad—he was a massive bastard and a piece of trash. But you can love that piece of trash anyway, and I love him a lot because deep down, he’s just a pathetic man—and I adore pathetic men.

Silco’s tragedy is that his fall to the dark side is the root cause of most of the misfortunes in the story. In an ideal world, he would never have fought with Vander, and they could have been good adoptive fathers to the girls—something we see in the AU, which breaks all our hearts because it shows us what could have been but never was.

But oh well, I love him anyway—even if he’s a drug lord, a manipulator, has zero anger management, and is a traitor to the revolution. And that’s important because I don’t forgive traitors to the revolution, but I’ll let it slide this time.

My opinions on Silco are always very contradictory, but that’s because I like making it clear that he’s a piece of crap, even if I like him a lot.

(And even if he turns me on, what can I say.)

[imaginesmai]

Safe place - Ruhn Danaan

I've been re-reading hosab so I can enjoy the third one and I'm extremly frustrated at the lack of Ruhn fics, so here is my own. It's shitty, it's late and it's not proof-read.

Plot: the autumn king tries to hurt you with his words and actions, but Ruhn is always there to help you up.

You had known it would be hard.

You had known, for a while, that the dreadful day would come, that you would finally face the source of your anxiety and doubts, and that it would be hard.

But it had left you completely broken, as useless as he had described you. Standing outside the Autumn's King's villa, you didn't bother taking cover from the rain nor caring about the looks that granted you. You were too busy replaying the words over and over again in your head, remembering the sting on your cheek from his slap. You knew it would be hard, but meeting your mate's father had exceeded any expectation.

You had been summoned that morning with a brief letter, mentioning that the king wanted to meet you formally. Too busy worrying about what he would say or think, you hadn't noticed the reason behind the sudden decision — Ruhn was away with his Aux for the day, and wouldn't be back until night time. That left Declan and Flynn out of the equation, the only friends you had in that place.

So, when you had been hastily dragged out of his office like trash, when his hateful speech had broken through the walls, no one had said anything.

You choked on the next sob, not knowing what to do. Your shared apartment was more than an hour away walking, and it was pouring. Calling Bryce would be a terrible idea, since she didn't need another excuse to blow that place to pieces, and Hunt shared her feelings. You could always call a cab, but you were certain that none would answer.

The king wanted you out in the streets like a rat, and he would make it happen.

So you hugged yourself, ignored the bruises that were already forming on your forearm and lowered your head. Exiting the fairy territory was the worst part. Not only they didn't do anything about his king behavior, but made sure to force you to step out the sidewalk.

An attractive, tall woman spat at your feet as you walked by her side.

Your eyes full of tears and your heart in a knot, you didn't notice the shadows or the stares until Ruhn stopped in front of you, head to chest. Looking up, your lips trembled once more when you noticed the look on his face. The absolute murder on his beautiful blue eyes. They instantly noticed the angry cut made by his father's ring, the way you cradled your arm.

"It isn't worthy" you hiccupped, tired and devastated. "He isn't"

"You are" he growled back, the street almost covered in his angry, restless shadows. "You are my fucking mate and he has no right to even look at you"

"I just wanna go home"

You had been in that situation before — someone making a comment or a move about the obvious truth, that he was the prince and you were the half-human. That it was not supposed to be, because his fate was to be with someone better, more powerful, more talented. Not a half-human barista who barely managed to finish her studies and pay off her loans.

Each and every single time, Ruhn had gotten himself into trouble because of it. So many times, actually, that you had long ago stopped believing what they said. But it was different, because that time, it came from someone with the capacity of making it happen. Of keeping you away from Ruhn and taking the only light in your life away. Only thinking about it made your breath speed up.

"Flynn will take you home" Ruhn stared behind your shoulder, as if he could see his target.

"Ruhn, please. I just want to... Forget about it" you tried again, sneaking a hand forward until you could grab his. It was shaking from rage.

"And I want to talk to him. Just like he has talked to you" he snarled, not looking at you though holding your hand. "He thinks - he believes he can do this, he has always done it. But there are lines"

"There are lines for you too. Let's just -"

"Have you seen yourself, Y/N?" Rhun interrupted you. "Don't think I can't guess what he has said. He has touched you. He has kicked out of my home, because this is mine too. He has no right. None"

"He will do it again, if you give him a reason" you waited a few seconds in silence before squeezing his hand, looking at him through the pouring rain. "Ruhn"

His eyes finally dropped back to you, and he ran his tongue across his lip piercing. He knew what he needed, what he wanted. To scream back at his father so the whole Lunathion heard how worthy you were of him, how he was the one who had to keep up with you.

Ruhn wanted to finally act on his father, that had caused him so much harm, that had rejected his sister like a stray puppy. He wanted to kill him for even daring to summon you, knowing he wasn't around and your kind heart wouldn't recline.

He was tempted to do so, his eyes moving back and forth from your eyes to the scratch on your cheek. Even if he could imagine what had happened there, he had lived through enough to know it had been worse.

The only thing that kept him from breaking down his father's door and every bone was the urge of taking you away from that place. He hadn't thought about an umbrella or a car. After receiving Bryce call that you weren't home and having Declan track your phone, he had only one worry in mind - your safety.

And he had to ensure that first.

So he brushed off his soaked jacket and put it over your shoulders and head, big enough to cover you partially from the rain.

Without sharing another word, Ruhn draped his arm around your shoulders and tucked you into his chest, pressing a kiss to your forehead. He felt more than saw you trembling, enclosing your body around him like a perfect mold.

Yeah, he would kill his father for this. Just not tonight.

"How did you know?" you asked softly, while he scared away the few curious eyes that still looked at you with just one glare.

"I always know when you need me" he squeezed your shoulders, wishing it was different. "I'll always come"

"I hate him" you admitted, knowing the feeling was shared. "I hate what he said and did, but I hate more than he only cares about us because he wants to use you. I despise him"

There were few people you hated. That girl in fourth grade who cut your hair as you were trying to grow it longer. The cat of your neighbors, who snarled at you and tried to scratch you every time you saw her. People who started wars, maybe. But you were a kind-hearted person, and that had made Ruhn fall in love with you. Tired from all the hate and pain, you had been his salvation in a world where he was losing his soul.

What pained him the most was that, if it wasn't for his father's hidden intentions behind his dislike for your relationship, you wouldn't even hate him. You would shrug the hurt and sadness away, and keep going.

His father loathed that you were his mate, that he had a normal, healthy relationship with no political power. He wasted no occasion to throw him women and men that would be a great alliance to his family – and still, all Ruhn could do was search for your face in the crowd.

So different from each other, he could barely resist the urge of turning around and burning the whole place down. But he kept hugging you silently, gathering the strength to leave that place without turning back.

"Whatever he said, whatever came out if his poisoned mouth, was a lie. He can try and change us, but he won't" Ruhn felt the need to remind you, no matter how many times he had said it. "I love you, I've loved you since the first coffee and long after my body goes cold"

"I love you too, Ruhn"

“Couch and movie?”

Ruhn had planned a party, as he always did, for when he came back that night. But not even Declan and Flynn would argue with him, knowing he needed to stay with you just as much as you needed you. You nodded against his chest and he let you both be consumed by shadows and darkness.

He tugged you forward until you were nested against his side, and started walking. The shadows covered you from the worst part of the rain as you walked in silence, tucked together.

No matter how much his father hurt you, how much he used Ruhn, there was something he could never change – that you were his home.

Want to read more? Check out my side blog @imaginesmaimasterlists, where I keep all the masterlists! Feedback is always appreciated

[messrsrarchives]

🤍: Which character is not as morally bad as everyone else seems to think? (would love to hear your thoughts)

ask game

oh we knowwww what i'm about to say. we know i'm about to put on my snape hat right now. we know how i feel about severus, i'm a broken record at this point.

"we need more complex characte-" YOU CAN'T EVEN HANDLE SNAPE 😖😖

and like yes !! he's an ass. he bullies children, he's neville's boggart (though i do actually fw the idea that that's less snape, more figures of authority and not wanting to be inferior? wanting to prove his worth and make his parents proud but snape is a very strict teacher that makes him doubt that but i digress) like yes !! he's an ass but that's the POINT.

i love that he deflects and is still not perfect. it would have been boring for him to deflect and be perfect. the whole point of his character is to show that you can never truly tell what side someone is on just by how they act.

he's instrumental to the war, he risks his life every day by being a double agent, he plays his part so fucking well and i just love him. i stand by my cancelled wife she did all of it but i stand by her. and the theory that he hadn't killed anyone else? "what about mine?" what about HIS soul? what about HIS sould that is still yet to be changed if he kills albus? what about his soul that is still yet untarnished by the killing curse? what about HIS. the idea that dumbledore is his first kill is everything to me.

i've yapped about him so much but ugh. like ofc he joins them??? not to forgive him or anything but OF COURSE. he's abused by a muggle and his magical mum "does nothing" (she's abused too but he's a child ofc he thinks this way), he's told he belongs in slytherin when besides lily he's never had a sense of belonging before, and then he's fed this rhetoric that muggles infiltrate their society and ruin it and he's thinking of his mum standing by and UGH. ofc he does 😖

and a lot of his actions? like yes he's an ass but ong he's living a double life. and whilst i don't think that excuses anything, i can grant him a bit of understanding when it comes to how harsh he is. he's crafted this persona for years, he can't let it crack at hogwarts. he can't risk it. he has no reason to really now that lily's gone, the one person whose opinion he valued. he'd be a shite spy if he was nice to everyone then rocked up the DE meetings, he physically can't change whether that's because of a lack of motivation to or because of his role

he's an ass but he's not evil. he's the epitome of a morally grey character and i do not trust snaters with anything. free my man from the narrative. and also fanon regulus is just snape in a pretty package SORRYYYY

which actually,,, makes sense. because we see the bad things snape does but we don't see the bad things regulus does. so it makes sense that we're more willing to delve into regulus and grant him forgiveness but 😖 my mans 😖

[dualityvn]

Slightly tears up, before motioning for Keith to step even closer

"Oh, flowerboy

I may not be able to touch you more than I already have for today, I'm sorry. But let it be so you will be forced to hear me clearly.

Tenebris will never scare me away. Hell, even when confronted with him, I chose to face my fears and speak my mind. Sure, I could have probably found a way to get him to switch back. Yet I wanted him to know the truth. I didn't want him to doubt for a second longer my intentions towards you. And yes it was a silly idea, it could have gone terribly bad, but I don't regret it one bit. You may not care right now much, but I do. I want one day for tenebris to actually approve of me being in a relationship with you. And I won't stop until he is finally forced to acknowledge my efforts in this connection with you and my love for you in the future. It's a silly notion, but one that forces me to try harder every time.

For you deserve to be with someone who will one day cast away any doubts you have and love you for you. And although I don't know Tenebris that much and he scares the living hell out of me, I know I can trust him that should I ever be truly unfit for you, he'll either beat some sense to me or force us apart until I realize my mistakes and come back to you. Because Keith Madden, us being together is inevitable. All paths that I can take right now, no matter how different, will always lead me back to you.

And I'm not sure, for me it sounds way too easy to put the blame all on tenebris. What if those people you did meet just weren't the ones? If the foundations between two people were so strong as you believe, would they easily be as broken as they are as of now? Tenebris scared the living hell out of me as well, probably in the worst situation he has ever done so far judging by the context, yet I'm still sitting here with you. I'm standing right next to you, chest to chest, even though for all I know he could come out at any time. Why do you think that is?

You're so silly and oblivious, flower boy. I could have literally run away while you were waiting for me, I could have made an excuse and left. You wouldn't have done anything, and we both know it. So, why do you think, I'm placing my own life right between your hands? Why am I allowing myself to be this vulnerable with you, knowing full well where it led me in the past?

Because I already trust you, silly. I trust your words, I trust your every action. I trust you, Keith Madden. Maybe more than myself at times. Why else would I even move into your guys' house despite Tenebris. Even though, we barely have placed a label and undoubtedly have gone on zero dates. Naivety? Perhaps. And maybe it's really too soon to give my trust to you this freely, but something deep down tells me I won't regret this.

And if there is one thing I know, it's that my gut feeling has never been wrong. It won't start being wrong about a guy who is so kind, sweet, understanding towards me, even when I majorly fuck up. A man who spends hours making sure his plants are properly cared for and makes a list of every single thing I dislike or like. The type of guy that reads books in his spare time somehow without getting bored while also somehow tolerating the horrible puns I make.

So no, Keith Madden, I fear you're stuck with me for the foreseeable and unforeseeable future. And maybe it's about time, you start getting used to it. I'm unfortunately staying right where I am, next to you. Through thick and thin. There's nothing you can do that will push me away, and I will gladly spend all my remaining days on earth repeating those words until you believe them as the truth, all on your own."

"I- I don't know what to say. For a while, I thought you were coming around and helping out because you wanted to make up for what you said before. I mean... I was really hoping you felt this way, but I thought it was false hope. But... but I do want to be together! And go on dates. I would've asked sooner, I just wasn't sure. I didn't want to rush you." - Keith

[pinovapie]

Chapter 2 Theories!! SPOILERS!!

Okay so,,, hello drdt tumblr! I have no idea how to use this site well lmao,,, i couldn't sleep so random Chapt 2 secret n' culprit theories :D!!

Some make more sense than others! Also i'm writing this at like 2am lol

TW: Vague mentions of S3lf H4rm, Sewerslide, Murder ig??, Rlly bad sleep deprived rambles-

Okay so first i want to talk about the secrets!!

"You only took on your talent to stop your need to harm yourself for fun" (not exact wording!) - Most people think this is Veronika's. For good reason, her boredom and desire to be entertained have been super emphasised this chapter. It's almost too obvious. Sometimes the obvious answer is the correct one. However, i believe this secret to be Levi's! For starters, i believe he mentions in the prologue /chapt 1 that his talent is new to him? Plus, i'm pretty sure he's more concerned with trying to protect the group rather than the fact he was injured in the prologue. Now, the main reasons people believe the murder secret to be his are his lack or grief and his secret quote. However, i believe both can also indicate the s/h secret as his! First, his lack of grief. Levi has shown to being very unaffected by people's death and admits to not knowing how to grieve. But why would his apathy stop at other people? I believe he feels apathetic towards his own life too, but since he's determined to protect the group i doubt he'd want anyone to pity him. (i feel like this was worded better in my mind-) Okay, now his secret quote "i always believed a person is defined by their actions, maybe that's just a poor excuse for my heartlessness" (again not exact words). It's easy to assume heartlessness --> no remorse. But i read it more as "as long as i can protect and help everyone, it will make up for my inability to feel" or something along those lines. I would love to hear others interpretations too though :D

2. Levi's is the only one i feel super strongly about, i think the Min and Xander recieving each others secrets makes complete sense and it seems obvious that David has Teruko's.

3. That leaves Veronika and Hu with the "Hopeless Child" and "Murderer without remorse" secrets. I think they can be interchangable but based on what we know i do believe Hu is the "Hopeless Child" secret and Veronika the "Murderer" secret.

4. Alternatively it's possible Veronika is the "Hopeless Child" based on a few things she's said. (" i used to be quite the outdoorsey person" (not word for word). Plus her keeping it secret for fun seems contradictory since so far revealing the secrets has caused more chaos than keeping them hidden. Unless she got her own (i believe she got the "hopeless child" secret right?) in which case her hiding that does make it harder to assign secrets. Plus her hidden quote is something to do with "once somethings broken it's impossible to piece back together, especially people" (or something along those lines). That does indicate some sort of harmful mindset... Or maybe she just killed someone for shits and giggles or something lol

5. Hu does seem to be more likely to be the "hopeless child" based on what she's said during the trial. However, during chapt 1 she scolded Arei by pinching her ear and in chapt 2 she slaps Ace. She doesn't seem to regret doing it as she deemed them to be in the wrong. It's possible she could of killed someone she deemed an irredeemable bully. It could also explain why she defended Nico despite 3 of the more unbiased individuals claiming that Nico did try and kill Ace. Plus, her hidden quote "i want to pay for what i've done but i still want to live" (not word for word) may refer to something that happens in the killing game rather than being related to the secret motive.

6. Another funny idea is the murderer secret is blown out of proportion. Like what if they spent the whole trial like "omg someone here is a murderer?? Wtf??" Only for MonoTV to be like "yeah actually Min stepped on a spider once and didn't even apologise! Can you believe it?!"

Now! Who i think the culprit could be? Tbh honeset everyone and their mother is super suspicious, like if you told me everyone other than Teruko was in on it i'd be like "yeah, seems legit-"

Anyways, my top 3 suspects are 1) Ace (unfortunately,, i love him -), 2) Eden (Eden Culprit Essays made me believe-), 3) Hu (a classic-)

3. Starting off with the classic answer of Hu. I'm not going into it because other people have said it better. However, i feel like she still needs to go through her character arc y'know?? I guess if she had the murderer secret maybe it could prove Teruko's mindset without getting rid of Eden?? I do feel like Teruko will be proven that she can't trust yet again this chapter. Then in future chapters when people like Eden and Charles stick around without hurting or betraying her she'll eventually open back up. It could also be interesting to see how characters like Eden, Nico, Ace, Etc. React to Hu in the after trial if this is the case.

2. I don't want Eden to be the culprit. But if she is i don't think it would be out of malice. I believe that she wanted to stop the motive but now that secrets were revealed anyways she probably feels horrible or ashamed. I think the way this would go is when she's finally accused she wouldn't fight it, she'd break down and admit she felt horrible about it (possibly Hu or Levi would refuse to accept that someone like Eden would kill). Since the victim's Arei i assume either Eden didn't take what she said at face value. OR they worked together and tossed a coin on who'd be the victim. It's pretty obvious someone (or some people--) saw the body and edited the scene for various reasons (Ace or David probably-). That's all on that.

Finally, my number 1 suspect is unfortunately my favourite character: Ace. As much as i don't want him to die he's extremely suspicious and i feel it would make narrative sense?? (i'm not a writter lol-). First, there's his behaviour during the trial: hiding evidence until it's convenient for him, ,, actually idk what else exactly other than David wanting to call him a liar?? Anyway he's giving suspicious vibes. Alright, so, let's talk about Nico's murder attempt! They admitted to trying to kill him after he pushed them past their limits. He did the same to Levi in the first trial. Other than that we know almost nothing about it. Nico keeping quiet makes sense, they tried to kill someone and now people are questioning them. They are clearly someone who doesn't like confrontation, obviously they're going to just be quiet. But why is Ace refusing to talk? It could be multiple reasons: He doesn't want to admit Nico was able to overpower him, He doesn't want people to know he goes to the gym at night in case it happens again or maybe even he's too pissed off at Nico to calmly explain anything. These all seem valid options. But what if he's not talking because Nico walked in on him setting up a murder and in a spur or fear/panic (not anger) they lashed out. That would explain the seemingly complex murder method but Nico "not thinking". It could also explain why Hu's defending them. If they confided in her about this it makes sense why she'd defend them. Also, the fact that the murder methods seem similar and no one talking about the attempt in detail imply it's probably important. (it could also mean Nico's the culprit and Ace get's to go on a 'I told you! I was right! Who's dumb now assholes?!' Hype train next chapter lol, would be interesting to see how Hu reacts to that situation too. Like someone she tried to protect went off the deep end and killed and her close friend is going through his Ace kinnie arc- imagine that-)

Anyways- there's the parallels to the canon games too. In chapt 1 of THH, Sayaka tries to kill Leon and Frame Makoto but she ends up dead. In DRDT Xander tries to kill Teruko and Frame Charles but he ends up dead. How does this relate to chapt 2? In THH there is a secrets motive. Chihiro and Mondo both want to change/become stronger. Chihiro tries to become stronger so he can be the person he wants to be. Mondo can't handle change and kills in rage/jealousy. What about DRDT? Well first there's the secrets motive. Then Arei and Ace are both bully characters. However, whether it's a result of the secrets or other influences they go in opposite directions as characters. Arei opens up and confides in David and the later Eden who both show support about her want to be a 'good person'. Arei wants to change and become better. Ace on the other hand breaks down and lashes out due to constant paranoia. After the trial where Levi threatened him and then later when Teruko said Levi should give up and abandon him, he lashes out and decides to 'only look out for himself'. If Ace were the killer it would parrallel THH in that Arei (someone who wanted to change) was killed by Ace (someone who refused to change and actively got worse). Plus, if Arei was lured by the note it could demonstrate that trusting too much (Arei) and trusting too little (Ace) both have negative consequences and it's better to have a balance.

Anyways those are my thoughts, i'm clinging to my 'Ace is somehow a traitor even though there's been no mentions of traitors' theory in the hopes he's too plot relevant to die (unlikely).

[wolf-light3]

A Broken Heart (Park Sooyoung x Male Reader)

Joy and Crush's relationship had been the envy of many in the entertainment industry. They were two rising stars, their love story captivating fans and earning them a reputation as a power couple. But beneath the glittering facade, cracks had started to appear.

Crush's increasingly busy schedule had led to a growing distance between him and Joy. Late-night studio sessions, overseas tours, and constant work commitments had taken a toll on their relationship. Rumors began to circulate about his close relationship with Minji, a staff member who had been with Crush's team for years.

One fateful night, those rumors turned into reality when incriminating photos surfaced. Crush and Minji were captured in an intimate embrace, leaving no room for doubt. The photos were sent to Joy, and her world came crashing down.

The moment Joy saw those photos, her heart sank, and tears welled up in her eyes. Crush's betrayal was undeniable, and she couldn't believe that the man she loved could have done this to her.

She dialed his number, her voice trembling with a mix of anger and heartache. Crush picked up, his voice quivering as he heard the pain in Joy's voice.

Joy: (voice shaking) Crush, what is this? What have you done?

Crush: (stammering) Joy, I... I can explain.

Joy: Explain? Explain how you could do this to me?

Crush: (hesitating) It's not what it looks like. Sooyoung and I... it just happened. I never meant for it to go this far.

Joy: (voice breaking) How could you betray my trust like this? You know how much I loved you, how much we meant to each other.

Crush: (apologetic) Joy, I'm so sorry. I messed up, and I can't even begin to express how regretful I am. But please, let me explain.

Joy: (teary-eyed) Fine, explain. But I don't know if I can ever forgive you.

Crush took a deep breath, his voice filled with guilt and remorse as he began to explain his actions.

Crush: (softly) Joy, you have to understand that the pressure and demands of this industry can be overwhelming. The constant expectations, the long hours in the studio, the distance from loved ones—it can take a toll on anyone.

Joy: (skeptical) So, you're saying that because you were stressed, you cheated on me?

Crush: (regretful) No, that's not an excuse. What I did was inexcusable, and I take full responsibility for my actions. But what I want to explain is that Sooyoung and I grew closer because we were both going through difficult times. We leaned on each other for support, and it went too far.

Joy: (angry) So, you're trying to justify your cheating by blaming the industry and your circumstances?

Crush: (apologetic) No, I'm not justifying it. I'm explaining the context, but I know that it doesn't make it right. I should have communicated with you instead of betraying your trust. I should have been stronger and more loyal to our relationship.

Joy: (teary-eyed) Crush, I loved you so much. I never thought you would hurt me like this.

Crush: (sincere) Joy, I'm truly sorry. I understand if you can't forgive me, but please know that I regret my actions every day. I just hope that someday you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

Joy: (painful) I need time, Crush. I need time to heal and figure out if there's any hope for us.

Crush: (hopeful) I'll give you all the time you need, Joy. I just want you to know that I'm truly, deeply sorry for the pain I've caused you.

As the call ended, both Crush and Joy were left with a heavy burden of pain and regret. Crush knew he had made a terrible mistake, and the weight of his betrayal weighed heavily on his conscience.

Joy, on the other hand, faced the difficult task of trying to heal from the deep emotional wounds inflicted by the person she had loved and trusted the most. The path to forgiveness, if it was even possible, would be long and uncertain.

As the Red Velvet members gathered around Joy, offering their unwavering support, there was a moment of unexpected laughter that broke through the heaviness of the situation.

Irene, the group's leader and the eldest member, had always been the one to protect and guide her fellow members. Despite the gravity of the situation, she couldn't help but interject with a touch of humor to lighten the mood.

Irene: You know, if Crush ever tries to hurt you again, Joy, I'll personally snap him into two pieces.

Her comment was met with surprised laughter from the group. Joy, though still dealing with the pain of her recent breakup, couldn't help but chuckle at Irene's fierce and protective declaration.

Wendy: (teasingly) Irene unnie, I think that might be a bit extreme.

Seulgi: (grinning) Yeah, maybe we should just send him a strongly worded letter instead.

Yeri: (playfully) Or we can write a diss track and release it as a surprise comeback single!

The lighthearted banter continued, and the room filled with laughter. It was a moment of relief, a reminder that even in the darkest of times, the bond between the members of Red Velvet was unbreakable.

Joy: (smiling through her tears) You guys are the best. Thank you for making me laugh.

Irene: (softening her tone) Joy, we love you, and we'll always be here for you. And don't worry, we won't actually snap Crush into two pieces. But we'll definitely protect you from any more heartache.

The road to recovery would be long and difficult, but with her Red Velvet sisters by her side, Joy felt a glimmer of optimism that the future held the promise of happiness and new beginning.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The next day Joy called her manager and told him what happend. They decide to release a statement regarding their break up.

[Red Velvet's Management]

We regret to inform you that Joy, a member of the popular K-pop group Red Velvet, and Crush, the renowned R&B artist, have decided to end their romantic relationship. The decision was made after careful consideration of their personal circumstances and mutual agreement.

Joy and Crush have always been dedicated to their respective careers, and the demands of the entertainment industry have taken a toll on their relationship. Despite their best efforts to balance their professional commitments with their love for each other, they have faced numerous challenges that ultimately led to this difficult decision.

Both Joy and Crush hold each other in high regard and share immense respect for one another. They have decided to part ways amicably, with no ill will or animosity towards each other. Their primary focus at this time is on their individual growth and well-being.

Joy would like to express her gratitude to her fans for their unwavering support throughout her relationship with Crush. She hopes that her fans will continue to support her as she navigates this period of transition and self-discovery.

We kindly request that the privacy and emotions of both Joy and Crush be respected during this time. It is never easy to part ways with someone you care deeply for, and we ask for your understanding and empathy.

Joy remains committed to her work as a member of Red Velvet and will continue to bring her talent and dedication to her fans around the world. We appreciate your continued support for Joy and Red Velvet as they embark on their future endeavors.

Thank you for your understanding.

Sincerely,

[Red Velvet's Management]

[sheepwithspecs]

Echar Agua Al Mar: News

I don't think I'll have the next chapter of EAaM finished by tomorrow (I have several IRL events this weekend that I'm attending with friends), but it will DEFINITELY be out by the 28th! until then, feel free to peruse this sneak peek : )

When the time is right, you'll figure it out.

For days on end, Imelda had labored silently under the weight of those words. Lucía had assured her that she would make the right decision, but… when would the time be right? What path should she take? To her shock, she found that she could not put the same faith in herself. In life, she had been confident in (almost) every decision; now, she was second-guessing herself at every turn.

Do I give him—us—another chance? Do I deserve another chance?

The latter question was linked to the former by guilt; it ate at her continuously, offering no outlet or reprieve. No matter where her thoughts wandered, they all-too-quickly circled back to that one crucial point, the anchor around which her thoughts sloshed like so many waves in a turbulent sea: remorse.

She was the one who had refused to put his picture on the ofrenda. She was the one who would not allow Coco to remember her own father, to deny her family’s curiosity, to banish music from their lives all in an effort to ward off the pangs of a broken heart. All that had happened to Héctor in this place, the state to which he had eventually fallen, were the direct results of her own actions. Could such a sin, even unknown and unknowable, ever be truly redeemed?

And why— she asked herself, in these moments of introspection— why had she never bothered to find out what happened to him? Why had she not searched harder, demanded more? For decades she had shoved every lingering doubt, every searching question, every tear to the back of her mind. But now, in the darkness of her bedroom, they came to light one by one. The rage that had taken center stage for so many years now collapsed into regret, burning cinders crumbling beneath the weight of built up ash.

As a living woman, watching the years etch lines into her face and twist gray into her locks, it had been easier to see the cold, independent matron she thought she was. Now, she saw the truth: a heartbroken, jilted young woman, staring out at her from an old woman’s weary bones.

Do you still love him? As pertinent a question as it was, it ought to have had an easy answer. True, she had blurted out those words in front of Ernesto, in a moment of passion. Héctor had been the love of her life. There had been other hopeful men, of course; there had always been those who caught a glimpse of the beautiful face behind the stern frown. Some of them had even been kind to her, and gentle with her Coco. There were a rare few that, if she had let herself, she might have even learned to love.

But as handsome as they were, and as gentle as they seemed… they were never right, were they? No man seemed to meet her lofty standards. This one was too short, that one too tall; this one too brawny, that one too spindly. Others had stubby fingers, too much hair, too little hair, too deep a voice—the list went on and on. After some time, she realized that she was comparing all of them to Héctor. And when they eventually made their advances known, she could never quite bring herself to respond in kind.

I’m sorry, but… I am married.

I have a husband, you know.

Even back then, they had sounded more like excuses. Perhaps that was what she had meant them to be. Was it because she had never learned of her husband’s fate? Had a small part of her still been holding onto some lingering ember of hope? Had she been waiting for him, all these years?

All these questions, yet no answers.

Either you love him or you don’t.

It’s complicated….

He hurt me.

I know.

I hurt him.

I know that, too.

The same conversation, running circles in her mind until she was dizzy and exhausted from it all. Given enough time, she would be nursing a migraine for sure.

Why do you want him back?

I miss him.

She did miss him, more than she cared to admit. It had taken seeing him—truly seeing him—for her to realize it. His vice, his expressions, his mannerisms: all so familiar, despite lacking skin and muscle.

How many times must I turn him away? she had once asked herself. Now the question was flipped, transfigured: how many times will he allow himself to be turned away? Am I repeating the same mistakes again? Am I willing to take a chance?

How could she?! Chances was for the young, the inexperienced! Chances were for those who believed that a world could be changed overnight, for those who still believed in fairytales and romance and rose-tinted glasses! An old woman ought to be out of chances, set in her ways, content with the way things were, rather than what they could be.

I need… Pepita.

As a normal housecat, Pepita had been a loyal and loving companion. Somehow living far beyond a cat’s usual lifespan, she had been a source of affection and comfort during Imelda’s living years. She told Pepita everything, even those things she could not bear to tell another living soul. What a joy it had been to find her again in the Land of the Dead, to know that her Pepita was her spirit guide! Of course, she was too big to come inside the house now, and she certainly couldn’t fit on a sofa cushion the way she used to. But she was still a wonderful listener, all the same.

Imelda opened the window quietly, leaning out into the night. The beat of the city was the same as ever, though for once the quiet sounds of her neighborhood seemed to overpower the distant bass thud and laughter. She took a deep breath, the night air filling her skull but doing little to help relax her.

“Pepita?” She clicked her tongue, drumming her fingers on the windowsill. Normally, that would be enough to bring the giant cat from her resting place. Tonight, however, there was no answering grumble. “Pepita?” she ventured louder, peering furtively into the night. “Where on earth could she be?”

It wasn’t like Pepita to leave the hacienda at night. Then again, she had once been a housecat; had she developed a nostalgic sense of wanderlust? Imelda scoffed to herself, relacing her boots; if she could not find her by calling, she’d just have to go out and take a look. With any luck, Pepita would simply be ignoring her owner—as cats were often wont to do. No matter where she was, it wouldn’t be too hard to find her.

[possiblylisle]

Uncommon Face: Part Four

Breathing was hard in the air of the station's packed crowd. Her heart thrummed and beat against her chest relentlessly. Where had he gone? How did she lose him? Would she ever be able to make it home without him?

As soon as she'd realized that Dau was no longer with her she had pushed her way through the crowd, more concerned with finding her guardian than being stared at by the other gray-skinned people around her. The pushing and squeezing didn't do much, she couldn't see him, not when everyone in the crowd was so much taller than her. The constant struggle to tell the aliens apart based on their faces didn't help much either.

The best course of action, she decided, was that if she couldn't find him then she'd have to wait for him to find her. Because he would come looking for her once he noticed she was gone, right? She could only hope and place faith in her companion.

Cody had plastered herself to the nearest wall she could find, keeping her back firmly pressed against it and her eyes sharply set on the face of every Toxe that walked past. None of them were Dau and she felt like giving up.

She hated it, that feeling of fear and confusion. Being lost somewhere she felt like she didn't belong. Could she ever rely on the other Toxe to help her? Could she simply pull one aside and in her broken grammar ask for help? Would they even help, knowing she was a human, knowing she was an old enemy?

Her legs gave out and she slumped to the floor, her back sliding down the wall. Of course they wouldn't help, she knew they wouldn't. The Toxe held grudges forever, that's why they had spent so long fighting countless wars with the Teindren, and that's why they kept their distance from humanity after the split. Their grudges were famous, and they did not let go.

"Excuse me," she felt the heavy presence of someone crouching before her. Raising her head she saw xem. "Are you alright? You don't look too well."

The Toxe was short, still taller than her, but short and smaller in frame than the others who milled about around them.

"I'm fine, you can leave me."

Xe scrunched their mouth in a way that she had learned meant skepticism.

"Doubtful, no one who is fine sits huddled against a station wall with their head between their knees." The Toxe sat down next to her, xyr legs splayed out like a 'V' in front of them. "You're lost, aren't you?"

Cody hesitated but confirmed with a quick tilt of her head; the Toxe way to nod.

"I lost my guardian in the crowd and I couldn't find him so..." she trailed off, indicating the way she sat against the wall.

The young Toxe tottered xyr head back and forth, thinking, considering possibilities, and muttering to xemself. Then, like a burst of energy, xe jumped up from xyr spot on the floor and offered a hand to Cody.

"Come with me. I'll take you to my creche and get my parents to help."

Not like she had anyone else this willing to help, she thought. The worst thing that could happen was... well, she didn't really know. She was already stranded in Federation space and separated from the one person who had taken it upon himself to see her all the way back home. It's not like her life could get much worse.

Taking xyr hand, Cody allowed herself to be pulled to her feet. Standing at her regular height next to her new young companion she realized that even the young members of the Federation still stood above her.

"How old are you, if it's not rude of me to ask?"

Xe led her through the crowd as xe responded. "My creche and I are almost in our eighteenth year."

Converting the Federation's shorter standard year to the timescale of humanity, Cody found that her companion was almost about the same age as her.

"Eighteen? So you'll all be leaving for your state schooling soon then?"

The Toxe laughed and rubbed at their face.

"Yeah, but only if Kuon can get it together and actually raise his scores. If not, the rest of us are in for a very rigorous couple of months worth of makeup schooling."

The young Toxe had navigated the two of them through the crowd well and found the way back to xyr creche. To Cody, it looked like a group of seven teenagers all bickering or laughing while all four of their parents tried their best to keep everyone moving.

"Tano! There you are. Where did you run off to?"

One of the adults came rushing over, her head adorned with a pattern of thin gold lines that came down to circle her eyes.

"I went to the restroom, but that's not important. My new friend here is lost."

The creche stopped their laughing and bickering, their attention placed then on their sibling and the human standing beside xem.

"Well--" one of Tano's other parents started, looking exhausted-- "That shouldn't take long. I've seen no other humans around here so finding this one's guardian should be easy."

"Um, actually," their eyes were now all on her and she hated the feeling, "He's not a human. He's Toxe."

The parent sighed and rubbed xyr hands against the sides of xyr head.

"That complicates things. What is his name?"

"Dau Ara'Vato."

Tag List:

@capnmachete @leahnardo-da-veggie @tamiveldura @lorifragolina @liminalgoddessworld

@humbleartspawn

[operationnope]

hii 🥺👉🏽👈🏽 I'm curious on your opinion on something from the Ozzy route.

I'm doing a research run right now, and I was wondering what you thought about him rekindling Grace's hope after MC's fake dumping, then not calling things off with Grace as soon as he could've? (I've shared my thoughts on it here)

I've just found it hard to wrap my head around on my own, and it's been difficult because I do like his character otherwise 🥺

Oof, yeah, that was brutal 😭 I have my own headcanon for why Ozzy behaved the way he did, but ultimately the reason is poor, lazy writing with no branching. Unfortunately, fb wrote a lot of his actions/dialogue so it would be the same if you romance him or not. There’s variation, sure, but you didn’t have to unlock his route and it has become abundantly clear in recent seasons that our choices don’t matter. So whether you plant a big smooch on him when you get “dumped” or you turned him down flat, his immediate reaction post Casa is basically the same, with maybe an extra meaningful look. Boo.

My headcanon is this- we know Ozzy is indecisive and takes things slow. And he’s driven by doing what’s right or respectful of his partner, which is Grace. So his head is turning to MC pre-Casa; they’re vibing, and he’s definitely shown that he’s more into MC than his partner, but Grace hasn’t given up. Ozzy is torn between what he thinks is the right thing to do and his heart. Then MC gets fake dumped and he’s devastated. He and Grace chat about continuing but his heart’s not in it. Then Casa happens and he’s left with a rocky partnership and a broken heart. So the infamous threeway kiss happens, which pushes him further into a guilt spiral. But he still thinks he needs to do the right thing and stick with Grace so she isn’t dumped. He’s finally made a decision and then MC is back. But he can’t put it in reverse, so he follows through with Grace, until he can properly chat with MC and see where her head’s at.

Fb blew it with MC’s reveal, too. Saying the boys saw her on the postcard was so anticlimactic. So let’s say that did happen- they probably showed MC kissing or flirting with one of the boys, causing Ozzy to doubt if what they had was real. Another reason for him to stick with Grace so he doesn’t look like a fool if MC returns with a Casa boy.

So that’s my excuses for his behavior 😅 But I’m an Ozzy apologist through and through. Even if his actions don’t make sense, I believe at his core he desperately wants to do the right thing, if he can figure out what that is. And ultimately he does, it just takes him a while to get there.

Thanks so much for the ask, lovely! 😘💕

[oktorpg]

Sugar Rush  - Storyline 09 - Book 3 – Chapter 4 - Together

Did Raven just say John made the right decision???

@ToldUIdSurvive & @LittleBirdRey

#Stargazer & #Watcher #OKTO #The100 #The100RP #RavenReyes #JohnMurphy

•— Raven —•

“No COMMENT!”

•— John —•

"Hey!! You said it and I have proof!"

•— Raven —•

 “I think you are hallucinating.” Nodding my head once.

•— John —•

“I mean…. Kinda sounds like something I’d do… but in this case, I'm certain I'm right.”

•— Raven —•

“Are you? Are you absolutely certain though?”

•— John —•

"Absolutely!! Without a doubt!"

•— Raven —•

“Still feels like you could be wrong.”

•— John —•

“Just give me the win on this one Reyes!”

Flashing the baby blues at her.

•— Raven —•

“Where is the fun in the easy win, Murphy?”

Batting my lashes for the laughs.

•— John —•

Laughing.

“Can't blame a guy for trying.”

•— Raven —•

Shaking my head.

“Sure we can. Want me to start right now?”

•— John —•

Cocks my head to the side and leans against the wall with a shrug.

"I've gotta a little time... Go ahead. Get started."

Smirks, not watching that sexy little wiggle she had going on at all.

•— Raven —•

“Hells, John. You just took all the fun out of it. What’s the point when you want me to do it.”

Huffing with laughter.

•— John —•

I cupped my hand around my ear and leaned in her direction…

“0h… did you here that! That was the sound of a John Murphy victory. Stargazer!”

I laughed along with her.

•— Raven —•

“Whoa there in a moment! How is it a victory for you, Watcher? I’m standing here trying to be nice. And you’re stealing my kindness for a win? Rude!”

•— John —•

“If you were being nice you would have given me the win when I asked for it! But I made you laugh… so now I win anyway.”

Nods matter-of-factly.

•— Raven —•

Shaking my head. “No… if I had handed you such an easy win. You would have doubted it. Because when have I ever let you win without a fight? So… see.. I was being nice.”

•— John —•

“Now you're just flirting, Reyes.”

•— Raven —•

Blinks. “What? Me? No!“

Groans. “Nope. Not even a little.”

•— John —•

“Oops..." Smiles. “My mistake.”

•— Raven —•

“Glad we clarified it.” Noting the smile.

“You can stop smiling because you know….”

•— John —•

“Oh me too.... But my way would be far more enjoyable.”

•— Raven —•

“Because you’re planning on stripping for everyone up here too?”

Thinking back to a night in the mansion when we all had a little too much wine.

•— John —•

“Nah... But if you'd like another private show....”

Waggles my brows.

“Just say the word.”

•— Raven —•

Raising my eyebrow, and elbowing him in the stomach.

“Now who is the one flirting? All talk and no action.”

•— John —•

I nudged her right back with my shoulder. “I told you… if you want another look at the goods… you gotta ask!”

•— Raven —•

Blinking at him. “Excuse me. I never took a look the first time. Eye contact was maintained at all times.”

•— John —•

“Well... That’s a shame!”

Smiles... “But... I can't blame you... I've been told I have great eyes.”

•— Raven —•

Stepping up close making sure to maintain eye contact I soften my voice.

“Uhm.. you know what… wow… you’re so right.”

•— John —•

I made a point of not breaking eye contact.

“Am I?” I leaned in a little closer. “Do you need a closer look to be sure?”

•— Raven —•

Hells, was this backfiring on me?

“Uhmm… it can’t hurt, right?”

Tilting my head up acting like I needed a better look.

•— John —•

My fingers twitched by my sides, wanting… needing to be pressed ever so gently to her cheek… which of course was out of the question.

“They say eyes are the window to the soul… so maybe it could.” My voice was too soft. “Or maybe it’s where we find each other's broken pieces.”

•— Raven —•

Why in hells did what he just said make my cheeks burn? Taking in a slow deep breath, I bite the corner of my lips.

“You need to be careful, we wouldn’t want those windows broken.”

Swallowing, I made myself take a step back to punch his arm hard. “Your arm, however. It’s a game.”

•— John —•

I was pretty sure mine were well and truly shattered. But I chuckled when she punched my arm.

“Are you blushing, Stargazer?”

I smiled... Feeling a little victorious she looked away first.

•— Raven —•

“Me? No…are you?”

I stepped away from him to turn my back and rub my face with the back of my hand.

“I think we are coming back to that hallucinating thing again.”

•— John —•

I chuckled softly, yeah... she was blushing.

"Me?" I mirrored her answer. "Absolutely, yes. But hallucinating? I don't think so... not this time."

•— Raven —•

I turned back to face him with my eyebrows raised.

“Wait a minute. Why are you blushing?” Was that a thing now? John Murphy blushing?

•— John —•

I smiled and gave her a quick wink.

"You started it... So you tell me?"  I teased.

•— Raven —•

“Me?” Placing my hand on my chest in surprise. “What did I start?”

•— John —•

“All of it.” I chuckled

“You brought up how pretty my eyes were... You moved in for a closer look... You blushed first... It's all you Reyes.”

•— Raven —•

“I…” frowning while trying not to laugh. I lower my voice into a slow sound.

“But your eyes are so pretty… like the ocean without the sea monster.” Fighting the curve of my lips.

•— John —•

I laughed at the sea monster comment but never looked away. “See... That's just not fair...” I licked my bottom lip.  “I can't say anything like that about yours because they’re trying to be three colours all at once.”

•— Raven —•

My attention flicked for a breath to his lips before returning to his eyes again. I tilted my head a little because they looked a different shade of blue now.

“Who said anything about being fair?” My cheeks flushed, why the hells would he pay attention to my eyes? Closing them and covering them with one hand.

“I know, You cannot tell me what colour my eyes are.”

•— John —•

I bit the inside of my cheek, there was no way that flicker of her eyes was what I thought it was. No way. I was imagining things.

I laughed softly... If I had an inkling of artistic talent I could paint her eyes from memory. But I couldn't tell her that for the same reason she couldn't have looked at my mouth a second ago.

"Mostly they are brown, they get darker when you're angry or in pain. When you're inspired or emotional they brighten and there are little hints of gold right in the centre and when you're happy... like right now, it looks like there is a ring of amber around the edges that make it look like there's a light been switched on behind them."

I smirked keeping my gaze fixed on her where our eyes would meet when she dropped her hand. "Am I close?"

•— Raven —•

It was my mouth which dropped before my hand fell too, leaving me gazing back into his baby blue eyes now.

“That…” my mind worked to find the words and then I gave up and laughed. “Was a lot of information… things I’m sure you’ve made up just to make yourself sound intelligent. How in the burning hell would I know if my eyes changed colour when I was in pain, or angry? And I didn’t have a mirror to see what colour they were right now too.”

•— John —•

And there they were again, those bright, stunning eyes, a shade more gold now that her mind was racing to figure out if I was right or not.

“Maybe we should ask and independent party...” I quirked a brow. “Should we go find Jasper?” I chuckled. I wasn't about to mention #Shaw. “Or Monty! That would make him so uncomfortable and it would be fun to watch him squirm.”

•— Raven —•

Narrowing my eyes at him, he was doubling down. Or he was telling the truth? Either way, I needed to know.

“The first person we see.” I say walking backwards towards the door. “There has to be someone walking these corridors other than the two of us.”

Waving my hand. “Come on”

•— John —•

I chuckled and followed her. I little concerned about the walking backwards thing... "If you're trying to call my bluff it's not gonna work." I smirked.

When we were in the hall I gripped her shoulders lightly and turned her to face the direction that she was heading. "Because I'm not bluffing."

•— Raven —•

Turning to face the correct direction, I pulled a face at him. “You know there's not much I wouldn’t believe…”

Missing a step I rubbed my hip, correcting myself without an incident. “However, now you are trying to mess with my head.”

Was he calling my bluff, his bluff, our bluff? Are there any bluffs here at all? “Hells. I don’t even remember how we got here, but we are seeing it through.”

•— John —•

I noticed the small stumble and even though something inside me cried out to wrap my arm around her waist and take some of her weight, the rest of me knew that she had this. She was tough and independent and she didn't always need help.

"Trying..." I scoffed. "Please... you're running through the hallway looking for a stranger to ask them what colour your eyes are..." I smiled at her. "I'm not trying... I'm winning.  I have your head totally spinning, Stargazer."

•— Raven —•

Halting my foot steps I spun to face him. “Ahah! You are messing with my head. You just admitted it! John Fucking Murphy… You’re starting a war you know I will not give up on.”

Pointing down the corridor where I could hear foot steps. “And right there… there comes a non-biased individual who I am sure will help us.”

Okay fine, my inner demon who loves to win was awake now.

•— John —•

“It wasn’t my goal...” I snickered. “Just a pleasant side effect of the truth.”

I heard the footsteps... And I knew it was going to be #Shaw, there wasn't a doubt in my mind... When I saw the military uniform my heart sank.

‘Well, well.... Look who finally made up!’ A woman’s voice drew my attention to her face.

“Lizzie!!!” I breathed a sigh of relief. “You have no idea how good it is to run into you.”

‘Aw... I know... But I've told you before sweetie... Your pretty but you’re not my type...’ She winked. ‘Why do you two look like you’re on a mission?’

•— Raven —•

I gave John a push to move out of the way, smiling as I did so. I hopped up to #Lizzie’s side and squeezed her arm.

“Don’t listen to him, I am the one on a true mission.” Not commenting on her evaluation of our walking together as making up. Because we had, right? -- ‘okay…’ she glanced between the two of us.

“I need you to look into my eyes.” Pulling her into me, and pushing my face up close and personal to hers.

‘Raven, back in my day. A girl asked for dinner first.’ She was laughing and looking confused.

“You can have my dry food okay? Now look into my eyes.”

She glanced to John as to say, ‘what’s  going on?’ Before looking at me.,

‘Do you have something in your eyes? Do you need me to help—‘

“No, no.. what colour would you say my eyes are? Do you see them changing? Are they.. well, you tell me!”

•— John —•

I stepped to the side… maybe she had given me a nudge too…. maybe. I chuckled at a #Lizzie as she looked at Raven like she was losing her mind.

‘Um…’ Lizzie looked at me… looking to be saved, I shook my head. I wasn’t going to give her any hints. ‘Okay… you two are weird. I can work with weird.’ She shook her head and leaned in to look at Raven’s. ‘Eh… Hazel… You know, funny fact, people always say Hazel eyes are brown and green but it's actually a polygenic anomaly that means you can have brown, green, amber… all at once.’

“Nerd!” I pretended to cough to cover the word.

#Lizzie punched my arm. Hard! “Ouch!!” I glared at her.

‘Alright, then lover boy… what do you see when you gaze into her eyes…’ she raised a brow and folded her arms over her chest like she had me over a barrel.

I just smiled and said. “Stars…” Pausing for effect… “Dozens of little gold stars.”

Lizzie took Raven's chin and tilted her face up to look again… ‘Whoa…’ She looked fascinated… ‘Yeah… I…’ then she looked at me. ‘Why do all the good ones have a Y chromosome?’ She sighed.

•— Raven —•

What… was going on? How had things gone so head over tits without me even seeing it?

Polygenic anomaly? What was wrong with Hazel? Simple just like me. I have hazel eyes. But the two of these had other plans.

And then I heard it ‘Lover Boy’, wait. John was seeing someone? -- Hells that boy worked fast, he had been acting all put out by the number of souls on the ship, meanwhile he’d been working his magic?

It made me smile a little. He deserves it… right? That was what I felt? Yeah… hundred percent. My friend deserves happiness.

“Wait.. what did you just say?”

Pulling myself out of the thoughts.

‘He said Stars… he sees stars in your eyes.’ Her eyes were still trained on me. Then She pulled back reaching over to pull at one of his cheeks. ‘Yeah… you both are weird. A good kind.’

•— John —•

I chuckled, not answering Raven’s question until I’d smiled at Lizzie. “You've been very helpful Lizzie, thank you.”

She nudged me with her elbow and gave me a go-get-em tiger wink before she walked off waving one hand without looking back. ‘See you later, weirdos!’ she said and I knew it was a compliment.

“See... That one I like.” I smirked at Raven.

“So... I guess that means I'm right, right?”

•— Raven —•

“Wait….” I called out “do they change colour?” The sound of her laughter came, one more wave, and she turned the corner out of sight.

“Hells…” rubbing the side of my head, my hair was up too tight. “Uhm? Oh… do you really? You don’t like anyone!” My eyes remained on the spot were she had disappeared.

“No… She just said…” he had won. #Lizzie had said the same as he did, in a round about way.

“Fine. Fine. You win this one.”

•— John —•

“I mean… don’t tell her I said that…” I shrugged. “It was a tough start but she’s growing on me.” I grinned at Raven again her eyes a shade darker now, but still bright. “And there are a small few I like.” Then I started walking again glancing back to see if she was going to follow.

“So… what’s my prize?”

•— Raven —•

“Guess I didn’t make the cut.” Muttering it to myself with a half smile. We found ourselves on a rocky road, however someday. We would maybe find the way back to what we once had, right?

Crossing my arms over my chest, my eyes followed as he began to go in the same direction as #Lizzie.

“Well, as we didn’t agree to the prize first. You get to ask for it. What do you want?”

I didn’t have much up here to give, but I was certainly sure he would find something he wanted from what we did have.

Rubbing my hip, slowly I started walking after him.

•— John —•

I strained to make out what she said. But if she'd wanted me to hear it she would have made sure I did.  I slowed to a stroll when I saw she was hurting.

"The mind boggles..." I smiled mischievously at her and turned to face. Standing only inches away... My eyes were on hers, again.

They were darker now... and only minutes ago; she'd been happy and joking. It stung something deep inside me. The smile faded to a more serious expression. "I want ten questions, and they all need to be answered fully, unguarded and without holding back." Asking for honesty was unnecessary, that was hardwired into Raven even when it shouldn't be. She was uncompromising when it came to the truth.

•— Raven —•

My body came to an abrupt stop, the tips of my boots stopping shy of hitting him, managing to keep my body from slamming into him too.

My eyes found him looking concerned. The explosion which had been light and bright now much darker.

What was he about to ask for? I wondered. There it was, the John Murphy I’d grown to know. My lips curved a little into a smile.

“This isn’t a prize, John. When have you known me not to be honest, and unguarded? I’m sure you have witnessed me being told to learn to hold back a little.” I shrugged my shoulders as I spoke.

“However, fine… ten questions… up close, true to their core, honest and without holding back.”

This prize I had no issues with this. How bad could these questions be? And what could he possibly want to know, that he didn’t know after our time on the island?

•— John —•

I chuckled a little deviously. “I know it sounds easy but just remember you need to answer completely, to the point of overkill… let’s pick an example… Say I ask you how much pain you are in… you’d not only have to tell me why you’ve been rubbing your hip for the last ten minutes but if you have a headache… stubbed your toe… or if you have a hangnail that’s been bugging you.” I kept my gaze on hers, waiting to see if the depth of my request sank in.

•— Raven —•

The look on his features should be setting off alarm bells, anyone with half a brain cell would turn and run.

“Hang nail?” That had to be a joke, right?

However, if we face facts. This is John Murphy, the Watcher… details were the one thing he didn’t miss. Wait… realisation, dawns on me. He’d been watching me? I hadn’t even thought about rubbing my hip, or about the pain that was a daily occurrence. But he had. 

“Hells…” I whispered….

“How many questions did I agree too?”

•— John —•

I smiled… watching the realisation sink all the way into her always busy mind. It was then that I realised I needed to use these questions in a way that wouldn’t be abusing her trust or taking advantage of her.

“Ten.” I answered her… “And I plan on saving them for when I need them the most.”

•— Raven —•

“Saving them?” Of course, John Murphy found a loophole.

“Wait, that wasn’t the deal. You can’t just save them for when you need or want them!” There were no rules set to say otherwise.

“Hells! You’re going to keep them for years! Aren’t you?”

•— John —•

I laughed and shook my head. “Please! Like I have years ahead of me?” I was highly likely to be floated before we ever made it back to earth...

“But I’d say it will last a few months or so.”

•— Raven —•

I looked over at him in confusion. “Why have you gone and made plans that the rest of us need to worry about?”

Was he joking and pulling my leg now? Or had I missed something else?

•— John —•

“No plans.” I patted her shoulder reassuringly. “But we never know how much time we have, right? No point in letting it slip away...” then I smirked “At least... Not too much.”

•— Raven —•

I elbowed him in the side as he patted my shoulder. “Could you for once, just - I don’t know… make plans for something more than a day or a week away? Give us something to live for, maybe?”

•— John —•

I smiled at her... "Okay... First night back on earth..." I made a strong effort not to say if we get there. "We slip away and find somewhere to sleep where we can see the stars. It won't be the rose garden... but we can remember that night. That's worth living for isn't it?"

•— Raven —•

My heart felt a joy and a stab all at once.

“You remember the rose garden?” Uncertain why, however, I didn’t think it would be the first thing he’d say.

I looked across to him, nodding my head slowly. “It’s a deal. Shame we won’t have any of that wine Becca had hidden away.”

•— John —•

I smiled and chuckled softly. “I’m the one that brought you there remember?” The gold was back, glinting in her eyes but there was still a darkness there.

But I had a way to lift that. “But I wouldn’t be so sure about that last part.” She really should have looked through that bag I had shown her stashed under the bed we kept ready for her if she ever chose to come home.

•— Raven —•

“Of course, I know you were the one to bring me there, I just didn’t think it was something you would remember.”

So much had happened between us, to us. I didn’t think… well… you know… but it was safely locked away in my bank of memories.

The memories which came to an abrupt halt.

“John… Murph!” My eyes light up because something in my soul lights up like the northern star. “You didn’t have time to pack away bottles of wine! Did you?”

•— John —•

"I'll never forget that night Raven..." I laughed, remembering how was snuck through the mansion like misbehaving children playing spy games. We knew that no one would care... I honestly couldn't remember a time before that I had 𝕡𝕝𝕒𝕪𝕖𝕕 like a kid...  at least not after I got sick and caused the deaths of my parents.

"I had four days, Rey... we kept those lights on for you for four nights, or three and a half... but I told you. I searched the house and packed some things I knew you would want to keep. They're under your bed... in the bag, I had your music player in."

•— Raven —•

The smile that had begun to show on my lips disappeared abruptly.

Four days…. Hells…. I had left them there to wait for four days before I could make it back.

My stomach turned at the thought, of how #Jasper, #Luna and he had been when we found them.

“Yeah… I guess.” pushing the sensation of heat stinging behind my eyes.

“The music player was a good catch.” Swallowing back the bile rising in my throat, while trying to sound easy.

•— John —•

I saw the darkness creeping up on her again. "Raven." I planted myself in front of her and put myself directly in her line of sight.

"We've talked about this. You did what you had to, to save all of the people on this ship right now. You have to stop torturing yourself..." Then I smiled. "And you're totally missing the point... I saved a bottle of wine from #Becca's Mansion... and a few things I know will put a smile on your face if you ever want to take a look at it."

•— Raven —•

It was hard to avert my gaze when those baby blue eyes were giving me no place to run.

“I…” swallowing again. “I know we have, but..” I shrugged my shoulders trying to put it into words. “It’s not easy. To let go of it. Not when I saw the three of you.. that way.”

His smile made my hand move but I stopped it. What in hells was I about to do?

Shaking my head. “You were busy gathering all that time?” Part of me wanted to know what he had thought I would want to save.

“Just give them to me as we go. When you think I need it the most.”

•— John —•

"I think you need to talk to #Luna and #Jasper about it too, Rey. None of us would change how it happened. It was the only way to save as many people as you did." My eyes flickered at the way her hand moved... normally I would think she was going to push me away... But this wasn't that kind of conversation.

"In that case..." I smiled. "Come with me."  nodded towards the hallway leading to our room.

•— Raven —•

It was on my list of things to accomplish. I hadn’t expected that he and I would be the first to mend our broken bridges. Yet here we were.

“Yeah I know, I’d planned on it. But I just haven’t managed it so far, with Jasper helping Monty out. Add keeping Luna clear.” My gaze moved to the corridor he now led me towards. “What is this, walked a length of the ship day?”

Yet I turned in the direction he pointedly started down.

•— John —•

“#Luna doesn't do that... But what does do... Is wait. Patiently.” I chuckled. “It's fucking annoying.”

I kept my pace nice and easy. “No, today is give-Raven-a-gift day. So stop complaining and get curious.” I flashed her a cheeky smile.

•— Raven —•

Parting my lips, because that came out wrong. But then I stopped myself. There was no point now.

Shaking my head. “Now… Get me, my gift, Watcher. I’ll even smile when you give it to me.” I joked, making myself smile now.

•— John —•

She was keeping something to herself... but hadn't we moved past all of that? I let it go, just because it was #Luna and I knew that everything there would be fine, As soon as the two were stood in a room together.

"And now look at who is impatient!" I laughed and opened the door to our room (It was Raven's too... even if she wasn't sleeping here).

"But no peeking since I now have permission to pass this stuff out on an as-needed basis." I knelt next to her bed and reached under it, opening the bag without pulling it out.

•— Raven —•

“Is it impatience though? Why can’t it just be excitement, or dread, or irritability, or…” The list was endless, however watching John push the code to open their room door made me stop.

I wasn’t encroaching on the three of their privacy. He’d told me the code... well, more like he had made me guess it. And they had set it to the same digits as mine… 6 5 8 6.

Following behind I came to a stop just inside the doors letting John move freely around their room.

My eyes drifted to the bed he had told me was mine… they had; even after everything made space for me. But I couldn’t… I still couldn’t step back into that place.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to trust them. I did. With my life. But my heart… it had too many knocks to deal with any more just now.

I turned myself to face the door. “See I’m not going to look. Now come on man.”

•— John —•

I had noticed how she lingered by the door, but I wasn't going to tell her again she was as welcome here as Luna, Emori and I were. It would come with time.

I hoped.

"A little dread is always advisable." I chuckled and pulled out one of the books. Then I looked up at her stood there facing the hallway and pulled out the rest of the leather-bound books. some of them were identical but there were a few that were bigger, thicker... a mix of black and brown. All in various stages of wear and tear.

I walked back across the room and closed the door from where I stood behind... close enough to catch the scent that made my mouth go dry, the scent of her.

"Turn around." I said and held out the stack of nine journals.

•— Raven —•

“Of course, you would say that, if you don’t feel some form of dread in the day, had the day even begun?”

Teasing him little heartedly; gave that sensation of how things used to be on the Island. When we’d help one another, and annoy the crap out of each other too. The doors slid closed, and I turned around smiling and then stopped.

I froze in astonishment.

“Those….” I hadn’t moved but my eyes had widened as they moved down and counted nine… “you… how???” How did he know? “John?” My voice cracked I was still frozen in place. John Murphy, at a time when death knocked on his front door, had gathered nine of #Becca’s journals.

These books had become a comfort to me over the time we had been on the island. Reading her words had given me the confidence to fight, to learn and to… well… know that she was exceptional just as I’d imagined her to be.

“John—” my voice was but a whisper. I held my arms out for him to place them on me.

•— John —•

"See!!" I laughed. "You get it!"

I watched her reaction taking in every expression and blink of those incredible eyes... how her mouth moved when she was lost for words... Nope!!! I had to shut that down.

"This was all I could find in the mansion. I'm sorry I didn't think to bring the ones that were in her office in the lab... once we got back to the mansion I just..." I couldn't face going back there without her. I smiled. "I didn't want to be underground and miss your triumphant return," I said instead... but that was also true.

"I know we never quite agreed on #BeccaFranco.... but I know how much she means to you." At some stage after I handed over the books I had wrapped a strand of hair that had come to rest over her shoulder from her signature ponytail around my fingers. I dropped it quickly and stuffed my hands in my pockets before I did something really stupid.

•— Raven —•

I shook my head, repeatedly still in the midst of processing what it was he gave me. The weight of the books in my arm broke me out of the delusion that this could be nothing more than a dream.

“Please… don’t apologise…” finally my words came. “This is the best gift… you could have given me. I thought these were lost to me for good. My mind is… it’s blown.”

With the books in my arms, I attempted to shuffle them to one arm and half-hug John with the other.

“Thank you… thank you so much.”

•— John —•

I laughed a little when I realised she was trying, awkwardly, to hug me... "I'm glad." I put one arm in hers supporting the weight of the books as I returned her one-armed hug.

"You're welcome, Stargazer." I whispered, resting my cheek against her hair for a second. Then I moved back and found her gaze. "I was going to give you one at a time... but that seemed cruel considering how fast you read."

•— Raven —•

His laughter was contagious, soon I found myself in the same state laughing along with him.

When our eyes met I gave him the most genuine smile. This man had given me a gift that would keep me occupied for the entire time we were up here.

“I’m not sure if you would have been able to. You know after you handed over book two, I’d have worked out you have more. And we know I’d have found them.”

I waggled my brows at him, clasping them all now in both hands.

“And it doesn’t matter if I’ve read them all, I will read them again and again.”

•— John —•

I chuckled again... the light in her eyes holding my focus. Okay, maybe that smile pulled my focus every few seconds.

"Damn... If I'd known it was this good of a gift maybe I should have saved it and used it as blackmail somewhere down the line." I smiled, wondering if she knew that there wasn't a single thing in that bag I would ever leverage to her. It was hers anytime she wanted it and it would be here waiting for her if she decided she wasn't going to wait for me to give her whatever was left.

"I have no doubt you'll have them read twice over in a week."

•— Raven —•

Still smiling my eyes narrowed, moving the books onto one arm I punched him in the arm jokingly.

“And you were doing so well until then.” He would, or at least the John on #Becca’s island wouldn’t have done so. And I wanted to believe that he was the one here who stood before me.

“Really, Watcher. Thank you.” Hugging the books to my chest I took a few steps towards the door. “These have made my day. I’m going to get them back to mine before I drop them.”

•— John —•

I shrugged like I was accepting defeat. Should’ve stopped while I was ahead right?” I teased. But her eyes were still bright, so I knew I was still doing this right… for once. Finally.

“Do you need an escort? For all we know there are all kinds of untold secrets in those pages. I don’t mind playing bodyguard.” I grinned, teasing. But the offer to walk her to her door was genuine.

•— Raven —•

“Next time, Watcher you’ll know when to stop.” I now laughed shaking my head.

My hand pushed the button to open the door and it slid open with a little pull on the mechanism. Making a note to come back to fix that for them.

Half turning my head back at his offer. “You are in your room, John. I’m not going to ask you to walk all the walk across to mine. You nee—” Stopping when what he said about being alone came back.

“Where are the girls? Will they be back soon?” I still needed to memorise everyone’s schedules once they were tied in.

•— John —•

"Nah." I quirked a brow. "Where's the fun in that?"

"I don't mind walking with you if you..." I instinctively glanced back into the room. "Oh, They'll be around soon... They haven't been assigned a work detail because of the tensions with the grounders. #Luna spends her time with #Harper, helping out with the kids and #Emori goes on work detail with #Jasper. I don't like the idea of them being on their own when I'm working." I tilted my head then... realising what she meant.

"They don't leave me alone for long. So I'll either be walking you back or... I'll go find one of them."

•— Raven —•

Keeping the smile on my face but my heart kind of hurt. How did I not know any of that? #Emori, fine. We weren’t really so close. However, #Luna?

They had all found their place, and I truly was happy about it.

“Okay.” I said keeping my voice light. “Well, thank you.” Holding the book up. “These will be great company.”

I would have something to do when the night got too dark and sleep-deprived.

•— John —•

I realised she hadn't answered my question... because I hadn't actually asked one.

"As long as you don't forget to sleep." I teased. "So... Stargazer. What's it gonna be? Want me to play the big strong bodyguard? Or just take care of the heavy lifting and you can protect me?" I motioned to her stack of books.

•— Raven —•

This earned John an eye roll. “Sleep is priority number one.” Okay, the sarcasm came out a little stronger than planned.

“Aren’t you sick of me yet?” Handing over half of the books in my arms. “How about we do a little of both jobs? Because let’s be honest—” thinking things through, I knew it was unlikely however…” On second thoughts..” setting all the books in his hands. “You carry them, if needed you can run to my cabin because you’re a few steps faster. And I’ll fight off the army of… unknown warriors..” The tongue and cheek of it all, had me fighting back my laughter.

•— John —•

I laughed and took the books. “Sick of YOU? Is that even possible?” I grinned and stroked her ego (Well.. if she even had one… maybe when it came to her intelligence, but not much else.) I knew that she struggling with sleep… so was I.

I chuckled again and took the rest of the books.

“You want me to abandon you and protect the diaries?” I coughed to cover the word “GEEK!” And patted my chest like it was a real cough.

•— Raven —•

I rolled my eyes at his so-called attempt to hide his contention.

“Really? We are dipping so low now? You’re stroking an ego that is non-existent? Where are the snappy comebacks putting me in my place?”

I elbowed him a little softly at the badly hidden word. “There is nothing wrong in being a Geek I will have you know. This geek for one is damn proud.”

I wasn’t going to use the joke I had on Earth. It would be about the number of times I saved his arse… but now… it left a sour taste in my mouth.

•— John —•

I laughed, really laughed. Again! It was getting easier and easier now... “It was a test.” I teased. “The fact you didn't immediately answer ‘yes of course it is!’ means you failed.”

I knew the prospect of a fail grade even as a joke would bug her. I doubt she ever got less than one hundred on a test.

“You should be proud; smart people are sexy as hell.” I said without stopping to think. I waited to see if the compliment threw her as I followed her to her room.

•— Raven —•

“Hey… Hey… Hey…” following up with my hand in the air. “That’s just going too far now. I have NEVER failed in class and Nor do I plan on it.” The teasing there, kind of. I mean it was true and the thought of failing maybe doing things to my tummy.

Then I heard it, his laughter filled the corridor. The smile on my lips grew after seeing and hearing him. The twinkle in his eyes had returned. It hit like the air on my face the first day I landed on earth.

Snapping myself out of it I laughed with him too. It was contagious to the point when two whispering grounders rushed by, I just waved at them. I earned myself a grimace, and I didn’t care.

“Hells yeah we are, we are as sexy as they come. You should see how we party!”

Tugging at my ponytail and dusting my shoulders off I did a little dance.

•— John —•

There it was! I laughed harder. “It’s so easy to rile you up sometimes.” I teased her, not giving her a break at all. She was laughing with me and It was so clear that we had both needed it, but I didn’t let myself linger on that thought in case the reasons why, became intrusive. I chuckled at the confused grounders. “I guess some people are just determined to be miserable.”

I watched the sexy little wiggle and tried to hide a riot in my stomach by clearing my throat loudly. “So humble.” I continued to tease her. “Is that an invitation, Stargazer? How could I possibly say no?”

•— Raven —•

“Shh…” tugging to pull him along. “They may hear you.”

I continued to laugh because it felt so good. Being with a friend, being able to joke, tease, and know that nothing would come of it but the happy tears rolling down my cheeks right now. Hells, I missed this and him. “An invitation? To what? My sorry one person party with a stack of books?” Shaking my head. “You can do better I am sure. You’ll be making friends with the young grounder girls soon enough to really party hard.”

•— John —•

I laughed and let her pull me down the hallway faster. Her cheeks were damp but applied from her wide smile, those tears didn't cause me any pain.

"Rude!!" I gasped, jokingly. "Threatening a guy with a good time and then backing out when he accepts?" I quirked a brow. "Tease!" I used the arm she tugged me along with to turn her around. Wiping away those happy tears with my free hand, without saying a word about them.

"I have more girls in my life now than I ever had before... And that is more than enough thank you very much."

•— Raven —•

I spun on my feet to face him, my eyes glazed with moisture and laughs still escaping from the joking.

“Fine. Fine. Come. Party. Let’s see how much fun it will be with just the one jar of shine that is meant to last us five years, or until Jasper does his thing.” I was certainly expecting a new batch to show up if that boy got his way.

Smiling as I wiped at my face I gave him an eye roll. “Sure sure. You say that now.” I didn’t push the topic. We all had way too much on our plates. At least I did. Work was all I needed right now.

•— John —•

I laughed and shook my head. “Unless he can use MREs to make it I don't have much hope.”

I said nothing about her comment... Relationships needed trust... Fuck that... One-night stands needed trust, just less of it. But there was no way I was letting anyone else in... And no way I could tell her that there was only one person I could ever trust in that way.

“C’mon.” I started walking towards her room again. “Let's get this precious cargo delivered safely”

•— Raven —•

“Are you saying you don’t have skills? I think our poor Jas would be highly disappointed in your assessment of him.”

Without thinking I started right after him. “Yes, we need to hide the precious cargo. I still cannot believe they are really here.”

The rest of the walk I couldn't stop myself from smiling. Hells I couldn’t understand how I actually remembered to do it.

•— John —•

“Actually…. You know what… tell him!” I laughed. “Might be the motivation he needs.”

The rest of the walk is quiet but… happy. The smile on her face… hell! Every time I tore my eyes from her I found them wondering back.

At her door I almost reached to type in her code… or, 𝕠𝕦𝕣  code... If, in fact, she’d chosen similarly. I stopped myself. Not my room. I leaned casually against the wall by her door and waited for her to do it herself.

•— Raven —•

Not until we turned the corner towards my room did nerves begin to present themselves, but why? I had no explanation at all.

My fingers pressed the digits on the key pad. 6586.. and waited for the doors to smoothly slide open without a sound.

Shifting on my feet, I felt the need to explain myself.

“When I can’t sleep, I’ve been working quietly on fixing things up.” Pointing to the door as I waved him to come on in.

He’d been here before, right? I couldn’t remember. And it wasn’t some aftermath of the code, it was the lack of sleep playing with my head.

I stood to the side, shifting again. I knew I had been given one of the officer's rooms, as much as I’d fought the fact that I didn’t need the space, it somehow now sat full of different piles of equipment.

Some things were fixed waiting to be returned and others waiting in clean areas for work to be done.

“You can place them on the table beside the couch.” I said.

The room was in order and clean, however, it looked like a workspace and not a home like he, #Luna, and #Emori had somehow managed to make theirs feel.

•— John —•

I focused my eyes on the top journal as she punched in the code. I hadn't planned to go in, I knew she needed her own space these days. But when she waved me in I couldn't resist the temptation to see the space she was living in.

"Whoa..." I looked around at all the things... Literally all the things... "Are you sure these parts shouldn't be in the ship... you know... keeping us alive?" It was obviously a rhetorical question. She would never remove something vital from the ship.

I set the books on the small table she told me to and turned in a slow circle.

Everything in the room was neat and even the machine parts were clean. "Have you slept at all since we've been on board?"

•— Raven —•

Pulling the zipper to my jumpsuit down to my waist, I slid my arms out and tied them around me to keep them up. Pushing the vest I had on down at the same time.

I didn’t mean to watch him, however my eyes kept returning as he took in my room and his surroundings. Pulling my hair down out of the ponytail. I let it all drop freely, the instant relief had been heavenly.

“Have you?” The question came out before I could stop myself. Maybe a little defensive. “I have had some. When I can.” I answered.

•— John —•

I looked back at her just in time to see her hair falling free from her usual ponytail... hell!

I cleared my throat. "Um... yeah, I mean... I try but I never know how long I'll sleep before..." I rubbed my chin, she knew... she'd seen it.

"How often does when I can come around? Once a day? twice a week?" One of the first things I learned about Raven was; that you have to ask the right questions.

•— Raven —•

Rolling my neck, and rubbing the back of it. Now he had me in a tight spot. But we said… we promised.. no more lying.

“I’m not even sure any more.” The nightmares were intense when they came again. And they always came.

“I’ll get some tonight.” It wasn’t a lie, it was a  hope really. I didn’t want #Abby to find out. Because she would medically make it happen.

Shifting on my feet, my eyes were back on him. “You know it’s hard. And being up here. I hoped it would…” I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know.”

•— John —•

It didn't exactly answer my question… but I got it. I had seen her nightmares, they were as volatile as mine. I had witnessed her injuring herself more than once.

I swallowed hard and looked around the room which all of a sudden looked like a potential death trap. If she woke up in one of the states I had seen in the past there were a lot of things in this room that could cause harm.

I set that aside for a moment. "I thought being up here would be like the Ark... but it's not. Everyone is mostly treated equally, the food is better... I mean not as good as my cooking but those MREs are way better than the rock-hard biscuits we got. There's enough drinking water... But it's taking some getting used to. We'll get there." At least I hoped we would. I didn't want to go into those ice coffins. That wasn't today's problem.

"I can sit with you, you know... if you want. So you can sleep. Anytime..." I took a few steps towards her.

•— Raven —•

Taking a step around my fingers played with a part, moving it from one place to another, and then back again.

Eyes moved sporadically to see what his had fallen on, noting how he took my room in.

“It’s nothing like the Ark. and if it were… we’ve failed.” My voice was low feeling myself tensing at the reminder of life before Earth. Then I couldn’t help but laugh a little.

“Those packs do not hold a flame up to the food you were cooking.” Clicking my fingers, I rubbed my forehead attempting to recall. “The soul thing… with the roots brought in. That… that…” My mouth began to water at the memory. It made me laugh once again. “It was the night I caught you dancing.”

And I remember how worry-free and happy he seemed. “You don’t have to chaperone me, John.” And as I said it. I wanted to hug him and accept the offer.

•— John —•

I laughed trying not to focus on the dangers in this room.

"You mean the night you were fortunate enough to walk in at the exact right moment?” I quirked a brow and grinned. "And you are welcome for the show by the way.”

I did like to listen to music when I cooked. It was probably what I missed the most about the island, I didn't have as much access to music up here.

I looked at her and rolled my eyes. "It’s not charity, Raven. I know that you would do the same for me."

We had both played the role of protector for the other while we slept. I didn't see any reason we couldn't still do that; now that we had fixed the rift between us.

•— Raven —•

Hearing the sound of his Laughter made me join in too. “Oh. Fortunate? Is this what we are calling dinner with an added floor show?”

Something clicked in place, and I slowly moved to the far side of the room and my bed. Opening the drawers to take the player he had once given me.

“Here, you’ll get more joy out of this. I’ve worked on the electrics on it, so you can now charge it in the power ports up here.”

Returning to his side, I held it out. I bit my lips as I nodded my head. “Napping partners again? As long as we share the shifts, okay?”

•— John —•

“Oh yeah! I'm multi-talented I can dance, I can cook…. I can…” I tried to think of a third thing. “Speak trig!” I laughed.

I smiled and closed her hand back up. “#Jasper is on it. #Monty is, inhis spare time, too. A lot of the officers had music collections… Jasper is copying it all to the central…. Thingies… And Monty making it so it's accessible to the whole ship.” I had no idea what they were talking about. But I knew the were making it so we had music.

“Besides this one was from Becca’s house. It means more to you. And I know it helps you sleep.”

•— Raven —•

I blinked a few times at him as he told me what the rest of the guys were working on. I closed my hands around the player and brought it to my chest.

Shaking my head slowly the words were out before it registered. “I’ve really messed up with everyone haven’t I? I used to know everything. What was happening, what was needed? Now…” rubbing my forehead. “Without the code… it’s all…” I didn’t know what.

Shaking my head again, I laughed it off. “If you’re sure. Then fine.” Turning to head back to where I took it out from, I returned it. “The offer is there. And now you know where it lives.” Patting the top of the drawers.

•— John —•

"No Raven... I don't think that’s it..." I smiled. "I think they're hoping to surprise you with it. They don't know I brought that bag up for you..." I pressed my lips together.

"Everything I put into that bag was something I knew would mean something to you. I want you to have each  and every item in it..." I smiled at the idea of passing them out to her one -by-one.

"I know you don't measure things in material value... but every single thing I put in there was to show you that I see you... and I care... I know I hurt you before you left. I know it's all so much harder. And I know stuff won't make up for it. But I chose every single thing to show you I knew what mattered to you... And gathering them all up while you were gone and keeping them near, made me feel like you were closer."

The words just kept coming and I knew I was skirting a dangerous line. But, I thought I saw a flash of hurt when I refused her gift, but music could never give more comfort than knowing that she had music in her life gave me.

•— Raven —•

In all those words, there were so many things to unpack that I wasn’t even aware of where to begin.

Slowly walking back to where John stood, I motioned towards the couch before sitting down myself.

“Why would you care enough to gather all those things?” The first of my thoughts. “And how did you even know where to start the search?” The next.

I slowly began to unbuckle my brace, the discomfort had reached its peak for me.

“I don’t understand why you would do all that, want to feel close to me…. And I know we’ve moved on now, but then. Then I was someone who hadn’t listened to you. You begged me to bring you up here with us. and I didn’t. And you still kept the faith that I would be back?”

My fingers worked the buckles one at a time until it slipped off from around my leg, allowing me to set it down.

•— John —•

I headed to the couch and stopped before I sat down and crouched next to the couch when she started unbuckling it. I started at her ankle, we could make it half the work if we met somewhere in the middle. And it had become a kind of ritual between the two of us, her showing trust... me showing her I cared. "Because I care about you... And that mansion was the only place I ever saw you happy. Even though you were in pain... I just want you to have... something... Of Becca's because I knew you looked up to her." I shrugged and looked up into curious hazel eyes.

"I just looked in the places you spent the most time. And I understood why you couldn't bring me... At first, I was going to pick one thing. I didn't think I could bring the journals, I wasn't sure they could be decontaminated. But #Jasper gave me the radiation-proof bag… and I just... kept going. I never lost faith that you would come if it was possible. After, but there were moments... dark moments... where I thought you were stranded. You had fuel for a one-way trip. I thought you were dead or dying and I..." I shook away the burning in my eyes, she was here, she was alive. I took a shaky breath... "So I just kept searching because I couldn't sit still and let those thoughts take over."

•— Raven —•

Slowly we were falling back into the normality of being friends. I watched him work the buckles I couldn’t easily reach.

His blue eyes were misty making me push forward sitting on the edge of the couch.

“You were so close to dying now there, and you were worried about me?” How was this the same boy who once told me he only thought of himself and no one else?

“I told you and Luna I would be back. I wasn’t going to break the promise.”

My eyes remained on him.

“Thank you... I never thought I would see those books again. I’m speechless. Really.”

•— John —•

“Were in the same position as everyone else, Stargazer, only we had suits. I knew nothing would stop you from finding a way back… unless you were...” I let out a shaky breath. I wouldn't let that feeling back in. I took her hand and squeezed.

She was here, alive... Warm and so fucking soft. Without thinking I turned her hand over, her palms and fingers were calloused from her work but the back of her hand? That was soft, I smiled at the contrast.

“But those moments… when I... When I thought you hadn't survived… I was terrified. I hadn't lost anyone I…” I stopped, swallowing.  “Since my dad… so I'd find something else… add it to the bag…” I chuckled. “Then you had to come back… right? Because it was rude not to accept a gift?” I dragged my hand through my hair.

“It sounds ridiculous… but it's what got me through it all. You don't need to thank me, Raven. I'm just really happy I can give you a little part of home… to help to start building our new one here.”

•— Raven —•

Of course, he was correct, everyone on that planet had the same problems. They were in a better place. So, did this feeling in my chest that kept me from sleeping most nights, mean that I had been selfish? Then in all reality, I hadn’t thought of the good of the planet and all they people. I thought of my own first. Hells. Maybe I was no different to Clark. And I had been all righteous about how she handled situations like this?

“I’m such a hypocrite.” Saying it when I meant to only think it.

I watched him closely, my hands in his, and he really was enthralled. Before I could say anything, John continued and so did I.

“There’s nothing ridiculous about the situation. We all find ways to help us believe. You found yours. And I of all people am the one who benefits from it.”

Squeezing his hand back.

•— John —•

“I'm not one hundred percent sure what you meant by that so I won't tell you that's not true…” I smile are her, not sure what had gone through her mind to cause her hypocrite remark. “But I will say this… we’re all hypocrites sometimes, and there's so much worse we could be.” My thumb brushed the back of her hand again without me really having decided to do so. “If it’s true... And I don't think it is… it's an easily forgivable offence...” I kept talking to stop her from spiralling into what that dark place was. Probably to distract her from the fact I was still memorizing every bump and line on her hand.

“Looking back… knowing you survived... Being here now. I'm glad you left without me. Because now, I know what it feels like when someone comes back for me…” a new kind of tear threatened to fall now and I laughed. “You still came back. That…” I shook my head… “Means more than you'll ever know.”

•— Raven —•

I just shook my head, closing my eyes and pressing the palm of my free hand into my forehead. I couldn’t ask others to make better choices if my own had been tainted by selfishness.

Had I done any of this for the greater good? Or had it all been for me and mine?

Hells! Just as I begin to dive into all my decisions his statement brings me back.

“What? John. Of course, I was going to come back. It doesn’t matter how upset I am. I’m not going to take that out by leaving you to die.” A deepest frown fixes itself in place.

“It is a part of this thing we call friendship. No matter what. We stand up and by one another.”

He still held my hand. I could feel his fingers caressing gently.

•— John —•

“I know.” I said too quickly. “I mean… even then, I knew you would never do that… it’s one of the things that makes you so special.” I reached out to grab the top journal, and set her hand on her lap like it was a delicate thing… It wasn’t, of course, she was tough as nails.

But to me… she was too precious to be treated otherwise. “Most people wouldn’t risk that for people they loved. Lie back.” I handed her the book and scooted away from her on the couch. “And you… you would come back even for the person who betrayed you. It’s just who you are.”

I lifted her legs onto the couch, and sat them on my lap, pulling off her boots.

“But even though I knew death was the only thing that would keep you from returning… it’s different… you know.” I started at her ankle, working my thumbs into the soft tissue where her brace buckled. “When I saw that ship… that feeling…” I couldn’t look at her, in case the true depth of those feelings showed through. “It was… I honestly couldn’t describe it. But it's not the same as knowing. If that makes any sense.” I laughed at myself and moved up her calf in light sweeping motions, easing through the tightness in the muscle first… before getting to the part I knew hurt a little now… and helped a lot later.

•— Raven —•

“Love…” I said, “people they love…” There were no past tenses here.

It occurred to me why I hurt so much when I saw Luna and John at that dock. Why it hurt me each time I thought I’m forgiven them, and then. When I saw a flash back, that hurt grew deeper.

The protest began to slip, however he was speaking. Letting me in, seeing the other side of my failure as it happened.

So, I lay back pulling my hair to the side. Not taking my eyes off his face as he did something that wouldn’t have made me think twice about on the island. Whenever we sat at the end of the day, he always knew somehow where my discomforts were, and tried to help by rubbing them.

Relief curled it’s way through me, I felt my shoulder, back, hip, leg and foot shift and relax. All the while stopping myself from tearing up as I heard him.

“You had a lot of faith in me.” I closed my eyes before opening them.

“I didn’t even know if it was going to work. Or if I was bringing the guys up here with me for us all to die. Some part of me… I didn’t know it at the time… but.. some part of me thought maybe you were safer here.” It had been the first time I let those thoughts come out in words.

“Hells!” Wincing at the stab of pain, my fist flew up to my mouth so I could bite down on it.

•— John —•

I smiled but  I wasn't sure I was in the category of the people that she still loved... I was back in the dysfunctional family category... she'd made that clear. That meant I could probably get back into the love bracket soon...

Whatever that entailed... whatever way she might love me at some stage... I would take it. I would cherish it. And I would keep loving her.

"Having faith in you was the easy part... The hard part was trying to stop the thoughts that you were..." I swallowed. "Dead... from taking over." I thought about her idea that we were safer on earth. It made sense... in a way that made no sense at all the radiation was going to get us either way. But...

"Sorry..." I winched at her outcry. I rubbed that same spot again with a firm flat palm soothing before I pressed my thumbs against her calf again and dragged them up the stiff muscle. "I'm sorry... but it helps." I followed each deep stroke with a softer one. Telling myself each one would be closer to a little relief. I distracted her by talking.

"It makes sense... I mean... I always thought that you were safer in the mansion than in the labs. You worked less, you never had a seizure... you rested a little more. But the code went everywhere you did. There was no logical reason for me to feel like you were safer there. But I did, and I felt better when you were there. So can I understand why you would believe that."

•— Raven —•

I knew it was all helping in the end. I had to work through the discomfort before I would be there. However, with John’s help, I knew it wouldn’t take long.

“You’ve said that a few times now.” I knew what he was doing, and I wouldn’t foil his plan. “You thought I would die. Up here. Without seeing you all.” Closing my eyes as once again his thumb rubbed a tight knot.

“I guess we’ve all had our moments with fear. The mansion was the one place…” I pushed the thought of the grounder who had made it to the island out of my mind.

“It was the one place where we could rest our heads and know the next day we would wake.”

I knew there was something drastically incorrect with our thinking. However, it helped us to do what was needed.

“I wanted to come up here to die.. it had been my plan... but not with the guys with me.”

•— John —•

"I was terrified of it... It was like one of my nightmares... only it was real." I said quietly. My hands moved to her knee, I was gentle here... the deep pressure only worked on muscles, and on her knee, it would only cause pain and bruising.

I swallowed hard at her words. "I know... I remember finding you building that suit." I repressed the shudder that ran through me. "I hated it... but I know how much pain you were in. Not that you aren't now..." I moved my hands to her thigh, pressing the heal of my hands into muscle, firm but not as hard as her lower leg. "I understood... but still couldn't just... maybe it was selfish. I want you to stay and keep fighting it. But it was how I felt... how I feel... even though I understood."

I kept rubbing, slowly... "You don't have to tell me... But do you still feel like that?"

•— Raven —•

Opening my eyes, I glanced down towards him. Watching as he continued to help me. He didn’t need to do it. But I didn’t need to tell him that. He knew.

My hands moved to rest over my face. Covering the look of uncomfortable pain while he did his thing. I moved them away once he’d moved on. The placement of his hands on my thighs made me still and then I shook it off.

“It wasn’t… I… it…” the words all sounded mixed up. “It was difficult John.” My lip trembled at how I had lost my way.

Tapping my forehead as I spoke. “My mind was giving out on me. I couldn't see any other way out. I didn’t want to become unresponsive, to steal resources, or to become a burden out of some lost sense of purpose or responsibility. I never had the choice of our life when it began. However, I wanted to go out on my own terms.” I needed him to understand I hadn’t made those choices without thinking them through.

“But, no. No, I haven’t.”  And now I moved my hands out of the way. “Do you feel like you need that out?” I asked quietly.

•— John —•

Kept my hand busy, and when I felt the last of the knots in her muscles uncoil I let my hand rest flat against her leg. I attempted to rub away the pain I caused but I knew it would only do so much, the temporary relief would only come with time. And rest if she was so inclined.

“I know… I can’t begin to think what it was like for you.” I gave a dark laugh. “I know this might not exactly paint me in the best light… but I wouldn’t have let you live like… that…” I shuddered. “Kept alive by machines. I would have… done… something.” The others might have killed me for it, but it was crystal clear to me now that I would have had nothing to live for if I lost her.

If I couldn’t survive an hour in a cell without a panic attack; there was no way I could endure a loss like that. My heart would just… stop.

“No… not anymore. I decided on that beach… I can’t control when or how I go… but I can control… that it won’t be me. I won’t be the one…  It’s not the same as the situation you were in… your control was taken from you.”

•— Raven —•

Slowly I pushed up with the strength in my arms. Moving and guiding my legs so that I could sit up next to him.

The vivid memories of the beach came rushing through. And I knew it had been a moment in his life I should not have witnessed. But I couldn’t find it in myself to walk away at that time too.

“I was there… when you threw the gun into the ocean.” I said in a low tone. “I saw how much you were hurting, how that place broke you. And I still...”

Working my fingers I closed my burning eyes. “… I didn’t mean to leave you in the cell.” I had to say it again. “I didn’t see the bigger picture… I let my anger and fear of losing you… losing my friend cloud my judgment…. I thought—“ shaking my head. “I wasn’t thinking.”

Wiping my face I opened my eyes. “And now you tell me, you would have placed your own life in danger to give me what I wanted.” Half turning my head to catch sight of him.

“If I didn’t feel like a crap friend before…. By the Hells, I do now.” Leaning over I placed my head on his shoulder, resting it there.

•— John —•

I couldn't decide how I felt about her witnessing that moment... It wasn't like I had been subtle about storming down the beach to the shore. But she'd never mentioned it before now. I had assumed she had seen it at the time... but after a while I guess I thought she'd walked away and waited for me to finish my dramatics... it seemed to be a pattern with me.

So much for being invisible.

I shook my head... "You never planned on leaving me there Rey, I know that. You just weren't going to be the one to unlock that door... I get it. I let you down again. No one could have predicted... that."

I laughed now.

"Wait... I just told you was I planning to kill you? How the hell are you the bad friend in that scenario?" Okay so that was an exaggeration... the plan was to turn off her machines if they were the only things keeping her alive.

But it sounded better my way.

•— Raven —•

Lifting my head off his shoulder I shook it from side to side. This boy… he wouldn’t let me feel anything bad about my actions towards him.

“Because you just told me, you wouldn’t think of yourself, how you would have to live with the consequences of doing something you knew were my wishes, John. Do you understand how that would give me peace? To know if I wasn’t capable of making my own decision, I know you would have my back?

All my fears of how I didn’t want to live. You just told me. You would see me to my end.”

And he would live with the consequences of it for the rest of his life, however long or short it was.

•— John —•

I reached my arm around her, not wanting her to move away. Making it like one of those one-armed hugs we shared so often now. These little deceptions were forgivable, right?

She was thinking of the consequences of the action if it was one l ever needed to take. But the only consequence I would care about was how to continue in a world where l had eliminated any possibility of ever getting Raven back. I doubted my heart would remember how to beat in a world that didn't have Raven Reyes in it.

"Seeing you in Arkadia... When A.L.I.E. had control; I knew, I couldn't leave you like that. But I knew you'd been looking for a way to fry the chip. I knew there was a chance. l just needed the get you to someone smart enough to understand what you were trying... But that wouldn't have been the case if..."

I shook my head. "But that's not going to happen."

•— Raven —•

Moving back into his side, I placed my head back on His shoulder. It had been a few days since I sat for long enough to feel my body, adding to the fact he had helped my muscles. I, for the first time in days felt, myself… ish.

“I know it wasn’t easy… being my friend… it’s not easy on anyone.” Easily joking, however, it seems to be a fact too. “So, I appreciate you. And the fact that you still try.”

Turning my head, I placed a kiss on his shoulder. “Okay.” Slapping my things a little and straightening myself up. “You do want your mind blown?” We needed to change the topic of discussion unless we began down a path which would have his mind thinking of all the darkness.

•— John —•

“It’s the only reason being your friend was ever hard for me was because I didn’t know how I’d cope if you…” I stopped. “When you died… because back then… we we all certain you had weeks at best. The hardest part was stopping you from killing yourself faster.” I shook my head. It was a miracle she was here at all. As she leaned in I couldn’t stop an intrusive thought crashing into my mind. Would there ever be a time I could press a kiss to the top of her head? Keep a hold of her like this for longer than a moment. But before I could even squash that train of thought in my head she had pressed her lips to my shoulder. My heart raced and heat flashed down my arm. My fingers coiled but she had lowered her jumpsuit and tied it around her waist; so my fingers brushed the bare skin of a bicep that still held onto some of the muscle she’d gained when I was responsible for feeding her… all of them. (By choice… because it made me feel… good enough.)

My mouth dropped when she jumped up. Was it possible that she was totally unaware that this was likely a gesture of kindness, maybe a thank you for easing a tiny amount of her suffering had blown my mind beyond any comprehension. Maybe that small kiss against her hair wouldn’t be so far-fetched after all? That was a dangerous path.

“Nah…” I teased and sat back. Feigning disinterest. I laughed and stood up too. “C’mon then you made me curious now.”

•— Raven —•

I didn’t say anything more about why and how we found ourselves here. How things between us just felt right. Would it mean I would get on his last nerve? Yes. Would this mean he would get on mine? Hells Yes.

I squeezed his knee, letting him know he had been heard. And then I stretched over the edge of the couch towards the small locker beside it flicking the lid open and taking out a small silver package.

“Okay. So, when we came up here, Lizzie and Miles gave us all these packets. Kicking it on the table to break it. Tearing the top off where  I had been shown too.

“They said they loved these on their long mining voyages, and… well… I’ve not gotten around to opening it.”

The truth was, I really had wanted him to try it. He was the guy who loved to cook and taste things.

Pulling the inner clear packet out of the bag which says. ‘Freeze-dried ice cream block.’ I held it in my hands.

“It is hard so you can’t bite a chunk off. It’s why you break it. They say it’s sweet, and meant to be as good as the chocolate?”

•— John —•

Still trying to calm my idiotic heart, I repressed the urge to flinch at Soldier Boy's name. My gaze followed her, and my gaze narrowed on the S... That was no way… “Is that…. No... It couldn't be. “Is that… ice cream…. like… from milk?”

Even on Earth, the largest animal I ever saw was a horse… but I only ever saw goats and sheep being farmed. On the ark, we always thought cows were extinct. But once we landed we quickly learned that we were wrong about a lot of things.

“Are you kidding me!?” I laughed and sat on the edge of the couch. All of what's-his-name forgotten. I couldn't help the excitement, food… good food… had become a thing of joy for me. Both because I wasn't hungry anymore and because… I was good at it.

“You had this since you came up here and you haven't even tried it yet?”

•— Raven —•

He knew what it was, of course he did. My lips curved up in a big smile, by the reaction; this made John happy. Food did that for him. And I loved that I had a reason to make him this joyful right now.

Shrugging my shoulders. “They say there is a right time for everything.” Pushing it towards him. “And now is that time.” I had another one I would save for #Luna. “They have more, however with everything going on, I guess sweet things haven’t been on the forecast in the meal plans.

I can see someone taking those and maybe doing something for the kids up here? Maybe something for Harper and Luna’s classes even?

•— John —•

She didn't say it... But she waited for me?  This had hope blooming in my chest... not that selfish kind that I had felt too often lately... just... gratitude that this woman would allow me back into her life after everything I had done.

I picked up a fragment of the broken block, starting with the brown colour. "Chocolate?" I asked her. It didn't feel anything like the sticky paste I found in jars in the mansion. It smelled different too... but I could smell the sweetness.

"C'mon on then, Stargazer." I smiled at her. She looked the happiest I had seen her in a long time. "You've waited this long, it's only fair you get the first taste."

I didn't let the mention of the fact they had more, linger in my thoughts. I had thought all the food on the ship had been handed in for inventory and rationing... but I didn't think this stuff had much nutritional value.

•— Raven —•

Turning the silver foil package around in my hand, I spoke while reading.

“Chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry flavoured.” Curiously, glancing at the block again.

“Strawberry? I know I’m a geek, but I don’t remember what that was.” If it didn’t have anything to do with mechanics, I let the information slide into the dark realms of my mind.

“Okay. We are really going to do this? Eat something that’s been around longer than us?” It wasn’t really a question. We’d done it so many times by now. However, it was good to check, right?

Picking up a square of the brown part too, I clinked mine to his.

“If I die, let it be known it was worth it.”

There was a powder residue on the square as I took a bite into the hard, crunchy block. It was something new, I’d not had this sensation in my mouth before. Chewing on it.

•— John —•

"Strawberry... I imagine that will be sweet. Most of the berries I ate on Earth were sweet... other than ones that made me sick. Or mu..." I stopped I had a feeling she'd get what I meant from context.

I chuckled at the hesitation in her words. "You know the wine and chocolate in Becca's Mansion was from before the Cataclysm too, right?"

I narrowed my eyes at her... Playful and a little serious. "No more death jokes today."

I followed her lead and bit the shard of the powdery brick. I couldn’t reconcile the flavour with the thick creamy chocolate I knew. The chunk crumbled a little more with each chew. "It's definitely sweet, but not as chocolatey as I thought. What do you think?"

•— Raven —•

Making a face, because I remembered some of the kids in the camp had gotten unwell due to poisonous berries. But at least we knew this was safe to eat. I’d seen #Miles eating it like it was the best thing he had.

“Okay, no more death jokes.” Holding my hand up to cover my mouth chewing on the crumbling block turning into a chewy consistency.

Rolling my eyes, I mean everything in the mansion was as old. However, I tried not to over think those things. Not when we all had full bowls and stomachs.

“Uhm, it’s sweet. And I can pick up on the chocolate it’s there in the back. But it’s nothing like the chocolate jars. You’re right.”

Pointing to the pink block. “You should try that one next.”

•— John —•

I sniffed a piece of the pink. It was strange to have so many different scents coming out of the same package. "How come the rations we had on the Ark were odourless? When you can smell your food it just enhances everything.”

I took a bite this one was sweeter and had much more depth of flavour. There was a pleasant tartness over a smooth powdery bass.

"This one is good." I said enthusiastically. I chewed as the crumbly block became soft and creamy. "Mhm!” I nodded approvingly. "I think we have a winner here.”

•— Raven —•

Tilting my head, I was smiling without knowing it. Witnessing this boy in his element had always made me stop and take it in.

“Oh... really?” Once my mouth was empty I picked up a pink block, following his lead by bringing it up to my nose. Sneezing when the powder was inhaled.

“Oh… that’s” sneezing again to the side, covering up with my elbow. Wiggling my nose to stop the tickle inside.

“Let’s try again.” This time I bite into it crushing it gently with a burst of flavour I’ve never tried before. “Oh… wow… it’s… good.” Nodding my head.

•— John —•

I laughed when she sneezed and froze a little - in wonder - when she wiggled her nose. It made me want to reach out and trail my finger down the bridge of her nose… it was… adorable. Hell! What was happening to me?

I didn’t, of course, at least I had that much self-control. “Told you!” I chuckled. Shaking out of my reverie.

I picked up a triangular chip of the white part. I wasn’t excited about this one… it was the colour of the nutrient-pack sludge we had on the Ark only this was hard and left powder on your finger instead of being oily and semi-liquid.

I popped it into my mouth and waited for it to start to soften, at first it tasted mostly like sugar… but then… “Whoa.” I mumbled with food in my mouth. It was a mix of sweet and spice without the heat. And a hint of some of the edible flowers #Emori had shown me.

This was… I swallowed what was left. “Wow!!! I take it all back. New winner.”

•— Raven —•

Watching with intent to steal the triangle piece in his hands, only because it would be funny. I stopped myself and let him take the first taste of it.

I waited with bated breath to see what he would think of the final flavour in the packet.

My lips were smiling once again seeing him this way, it was indeed heart warming.

I couldn’t help but laugh.

“You don’t need to sound this shocked.” Sitting back I rubbed on my thighs still watching him eat it.

“You know what. I feel like I could run the width of this ship ten times over right now.” Eyeing up what was left of the block. We’d only had half of it, so I leaned forward to take the pale-coloured one. This time; not smelling it. (I’d learnt my lesson there.) biting of the small square block. It was difficult to taste at first the strawberry lingered and then it hit me. “Oh….” My eyebrows lifted in pleasure.

•— John —•

I was so excited by the prospect of new flavours that I almost missed the way she eyed the piece in my hand. Almost.

"See... that's what spending time with me does. I'm energising!" I chuckled... now that I thought about it there really was a frantic kind of energy alongside my fatigue.

Her expression changed and I forgot that fact for a second while I grabbed an imperfect cube of the white. "This one was called what again? Vanilla?? I bit into the cube... "It's... so... I mean... it's exotic... it's complex... It just... so fucking good!" The frantic energy was building.

"Damn... that run actually sounds really good right now... Pity there's no fair competition around!" I smirked at her deviously.

•— Raven —•

“Yeah…. Exotic… it’s… it’s…. Fantastical…. You know. This vanilla… it must have been sought after. Do you think people began wars over it?”

My feet and hands needed shaking out, and I bounced in the spot where I sat. Laughing and then I understood what he had actually said. “The hells! Are you saying I couldn’t beat you in a race?”

True facts. I couldn’t. But still. It was the principle of the matter.

“I could beat you, you don’t know how a race could end John Murphy.” I knew he would win and I would kick myself for dreaming. This time I took what was left in his fingers and popped it into my mouth. Crunching it and letting the flavours take me over with a burst of energy I couldn’t explain.

•— John —•

"Van-Nill-Aah...." I tasted the word... "It even sounds.... fancy... I bet the rich used to gatekeep this shit! Post-cataclysm people started wars over everything... if they didn't fight over this, they were stupid." I laughed a slightly disjointed laugh.

"Of course..." I rolled my eyes. "That's exactly what I meant." Then without missing a beat. "You know what we need! We need music. I know you've found a way to play it without the earbuds!"

•— Raven —•

“Remind to check the data banks for it. We can find out if anything out there can tell us something more about where this flavour comes from. Or we could ask Miles?”

Nodding my head, point back to the bedside locker and then the the table on the far side of the room.

“Could you get it and then connect it to the speakers there? The wires are attached there.” I wasn’t in the mood to put the brace back on just yet.

•— John —•

I chuckled. “Nerd!” but honestly it was kinda… sexy and admirable. The way she always wanted to know the facts.

“You are a genius, Stargazer.” I jumped up and retrieved the player from the drawer she’d put it in earlier. “I could just kiss you!” I connected it to the speaker… she had made it idiot-proof. Which was good because…. Tek wasn't my strong suit.

My inhibitions waned similarly to when I drank wine on Earth. Did this stuff have alcohol in it?  “I'm sure sold— #Shaw has more important things to do.”

“Any requests?” I asked sensing that she was happy without her brace.

•— Raven —•

“They broke the mould after I was created, Watcher.” Smirking at him with a waggle of my brows. “Kiss me? More like you’d kiss me to distract me from you stealing the rest of this.”

Sitting forward I took a cracked cube of the brown one again. We had to give it another go, we’d loved the chocolate jars back at ho—

I stilled when the thought abruptly stopped… “Home…” I said it underneath my breath. “Home…” my throat swelled shaking my head.

“No.. just whatever you fancy.” Answering his question while I lived the feelings of being on the island.

•— John —•

I nodded in agreement. "They did indeed, you are one of a kind."

I selected the song and returned to her. "Hey, after the amount of times I fed you, you better save me some of that!" I sat next to her, careful not to jerk the couch cushions. Then I smirked. "And I will kiss you anytime you want Reyes... you just have to ask." I teased, it was never going to happen.

I reached across her and snagged a piece of the chocolate and vanilla, my curiosity about the combined flavours was high after everything I taught myself in the mansion.

•— Raven —•

Arching my brow. “That… wasn’t the reply I expected. Sarcasm…. Telling me the mould was broken because I’m a pain… or anything along those lines….” I sat back with a bit of the pink ice cream in my fingers. “Where is John Murphy? And who are you?”

My attention went to the song. “I love this one.” I told him rubbing my thigh and chewing on the next piece.

“Sure, until I tell you to kiss my arse. Then you’d never do it.” Elbowing him wondering what he was doing with the two flavours now. “I am saving you some, I saved the whole thing!”

•— John —•

I laughed and rolled my eyes at her. "Don't worry, Stargazer. The John Murphy you know and tolerate will be back as soon as the goodies run out." I smirked, quite proud of the turn of phrase.

The combination of the chocolate and vanilla wasn't anything special. "Pre-cataclysm Musicians weren't half bad at all." I agreed. I did love this song... sometimes music said things you didn't know how to say.

"Wow, the overachiever is showing all of her dirty little secrets tonight..." I shrugged. "It's not really my thing... but they say don't knock till you've tried it. So..." I flashed her an evil grin and tapped the side of her thigh lightly and continued. "Turn over and drop your pants." I laughed, I knew how to call a bluff.

•— Raven —•

Rolling my eyes at him I shook my head. “No…. I think I like John Murphy as he comes. You can never tell which one you will see.”

My head moved side to side with the music and I sang badly along for a few words. And then my eyes flew to him.

“Don’t even joke. I will make you kiss my arse!” Pushing my thumb into the tired arms of the jumpsuit around my waist, I pushed it down just a smidgen. Laughing.

“Well? How is the combination working out? Try or pass?”

•— John —•

"Always threatening me with a good time." I chuckled. "And never delivering.” She was almost dancing, relaxing and taking a break.

Why did that flash of skin at the hemline of her shirt, above the knot she'd tied in her jumpsuit make my mouth go dry? I'd seen a lot more of her skin. Always in the course of trying to keep her alive.

I cleared my throat. "Um... It's a little bland, to be honest... But we should always try everything at least once, right?”

I tried the strawberry and the chocolate together... Distracting myself until I could get a  grip on my overactive imagination.

•— Raven —•

Morning changed in him, making me tilt my head and frown but I didn’t push him. I took the time to replay the conversation, wondering what I’d said to change his tone however, nothing stood out.

“Oh yeah. Considering you were the one cooking back at home, and we didn’t know half of what we were eating. I’m glad to say I’m happy to try anything once.”

I took the vanilla chunk with the strawberry one, breaking them smaller before trying them together.

A couple of chews and I knew this was the one. However, I didn’t say it to him just yet.

•— John —•

I chuckled; remembering everyone's faces when they tried my food for the first time. The shock, and excitement at eating good food. Then the guilt at the assumptions that I couldn't have done anything right.

"Well, l am happy to take all the blame for you being brave enough to try new food.”

I closed my eyes when the flavour of the strawberry and chocolate hit my tongue. "Oh wow!!” I grabbed another piece of each and held them out to her. You gotta try this.”

•— Raven —•

Without thinking, leaning into him my hands clasped his wrists gently. My lips touched his fingers as I took the offering from his hand directly chewing on it.

“Oh wow. That’s…” chewing some more before I let his hand go to try mine. “Okay, you need to try this.” I gathered the vanilla and the strawberry together holding them out to him.

“This is as good.” I said still into the burst of excitement that was flavour in my mouth, causing me to salivate.

•— John —•

My world stopped briefly... her lips brushed against my fingers and my mouth went dry. Then I forced myself to focus on her reaction. To stop this foolishness before I destroyed what we both worked so hard to salvage and rebuild.

But when she held out the vanilla and this one is good too!" I looked down the fast dwindling block you know there is only one thing left to try now don't you."

•— Raven —•

“All.. At... Once!” The excitement in my voice had been a little too intense. I knew it the moment I heard myself. However, could I stop myself? No!

“It has to happen. We have to experience all three in one go. You know we do.” I made the universal gesture telling him we were both on the same page.

“Do you think…” my voice cut off as I began to break up what little we had left into equal amounts. “Yeah, we do.” Answering my own question.

Pushing three pieces in front of him, and taking three myself. “Do you think we are crazy for doing this?”

•— John —•

I nodded in agreement. Actually, nodded far too much that undercurrent of energy was still skittering along my bones. "It has to happen!" I said after her.

If there was one thing that Arkadians knew... it was how to split rations. And Raven knew this just as well as I did.

"Not crazy ... Just curious." I tilted my head. "But then again... curiosity killed the cat... and only crazy people do things that might get them killed."

My eyes met hers. "And I feel a little crazy.... like my insides are moving faster than my outsides." I looked at the six pieces she'd laid out for us

•— Raven —•

“Right…” I touched the tips of my finger to my cheeks which were heating for some reason. I hadn’t even moved from the spot. And it felt like I was running. “It feels like we should go for a run around the corridors.”

From somewhere underneath the words a giggle escaped my lips. My hand shot up to hide the fact, but then came another.

“Okay… okay..” I cleared my throat, shifting a little further forward towards the table.

“You know what. I never understood the meaning behind that phrase. I have said that curiosity is what kept the cat fed. You cannot find the next meal if you’re sitting still.”

My eyes found John, smiling at him with some excitement in my eyes. Nodding my head to the surface of the table.

“Let’s do this.”

I picked up the three pieces before myself, gathering them the best I could. In they went.

•— John —•

I grinned at her and barely resisted the urge to poke those pink cheeks. "Nah! That's just my presence making you blush!" I chuckled and picked up the three pieces. That short, high laugh did something to my stomach... Or was that the ice cream?

The song changed just when she picked up her pieces.

"Let's do this!" I echoed her words and tossed the pieces onto my tongue. But, I kept my gaze on her face for her reaction.

It hit me then... maybe this ship wouldn't be so bad after all. Not if there were new firsts for her to experience here. Especially after weeks of fear that at any moment the sword over her head could finally drop and her life would end too soon.

(Music: Summer Feeling · Matoma · Jonah Kagen)

•— Raven —•

The music changed at the same time as the flavours exploded on my taste buds. My eyes turned Wildly excited for all these taste sensations to form some kind of a…. a…

I lost my train of thinking as the bloom of flavours evolved on my tongue and engulfed my brain. “Hells!” Covering my mouth.

I couldn’t help the laughter and the flourish of my shoulders. I was dancing!!! Well…. Sit down dancing….. however, it was DANCING! The song was catchy, the lyrics would become wrapped in my head for days. I could tell.

•— John —•

When the riot of flavours hit my senses my eyes widened. "Now it makes sense why they put all three flavours in the same package." I chewed and savoured the flavours as they blended on my tongue.

The music was better than moonshine, and the song immediately had her letting her hair down. She was dancing from where she sat and I smiled as I watched.

I hopped up from the couch and pulled over the wheeled chair tucked neatly against a work desk. "You call that dancing?" I scoffed at her and scooped her up off the couch so fast she couldn't protest and sat her in the chair. No way was that brace going on her leg right now...

She was happy, smiling... this moment was going to be as pain-free as possible. I grabbed hold of the back of the chair and spun it around.

•— Raven —•

“HOLY SHIT!” The words spluttered out before I even knew what exactly had gone down.

“What are you thinking?” Then it was obvious and I loved it. Should we have been more careful? Yes, yes we should. However, the entire point of this night was to show him life up here would be different this time.

Laughter echoed in my new quarters as the room spun around me. I let my head fall back watching it all meld together into a giant spiral.

Humming to a song I didn’t know the words to. However, it still spoke to me.

“Faster! Spin me faster!”

•— John —•

I couldn’t help but laugh. Normally when I lifted her she protested, at least when she was conscious. But… not today. Today she was all smiles and giddy energy. Something I never thought I would see again after the first time I saw her happy drunk.

I did as she said and spun her around again, dragging the chair to the centre of the most open spot in the room. It wobbled a little to one side and I caught it before it tilted more than a few inches.

“Some mechanic you are!” I teased and spun her again. “Lopsided chairs in your quarters that you  haven’t fixed.”

•— Raven —•

“Careful!” My hands darted to hold onto the chair when it became unbalanced, sending a small jolt through my body.

“Excuse me, it’s my night off. And I’m not spending my time in here fixing my room up just yet.” However, the chair went onto the list of things I did want to fix in here if I had some downtime. Knowing it would be a while I laughed.

“You know they say not to trust a mechanic whose house isn’t in order. So, it’s all on you…. Weeeeeeee” Laughter filled me with a feeling of inner peace and warmth.

•— John —•

I laughed, still making sure the catch and steady the chair between spins. It was so, so good to see her laugh unrestrained like this. The song changed and I stopped spinning her, my hands on the armrests so she was facing me.

“You have bigger things to worry about.” I rolled her chair over to the couch and helped her back onto it. “I may not be a mechanic. But I bet I can fix this chair.”

I smirked and tilted it to lie on its side. To my immediate relief, the cause was instantly clear. The screws that attached the chair to the base were loose. Easy! I hid my grin. I found a screwdriver with ease… Lined up in a neat line on a table. I picked the one that looked like the right size and sat cross-legged next to the toppled chair. “Easy peasy!” I smiled at her, wondering as I tightened each screw, if anyone had ever fixed anything for her before.

•— Raven —•

Smiling, the odd laughter still breaking out when he helped me cross back over to the couch. However, instead of sitting there, I lay down. My back on the couch looking over to watch him.

“Leave it, John, I’ll take a look….” But he was off. The chair was on its side, and John Murphy had a reason to do something. Slowly shifting my entire body to its side, I propped myself up on my elbow.

“It’s easy when you know how John. Who knew you had become so handy.” Laughing again now listening to the new song. I liked this one too, more than anything else I liked the fact that I had my friend back.

•— John —•

She shifted to lay down while I tightened the first screw. “Careful Reyes! You're starting to sound like a procrastinator.” I teased her and moved on to the second. “Besides when was the last time anyone fixed something for you?” I quirked a brow in her direction.

The last screw tightened and I grinned. Setting the chair upright and giving it a shake.

“Solid as a rock!” I boasted and went to sit on the floor with my back against the couch. Like I had so many times when she slept in her room on the island.

I leaned my head back and turned to see her. “Thanks for not dying, Stargazer.” I smiled. “I might never have tasted ice cream if you did.” I tried to keep a straight face.

•— Raven —•

“Never gonna happen.”

His question took me by surprise because I didn’t have an answer off the top of my head.

“Uhmm… I got some help with the leg brace.” Did that count? It must, right? The fact that I could bend my leg was thanks to the help in the design of it. His coming to sit on the ground beside the couch made me smile. I closed my eyes feeling the rushing blood inside me.

My hand close to him, moved into his hair. Stroking his head softly. When I breathed in, I felt it jitter a little, and then a tear rolled down the side of my eyes and into my hairline.

“Same right back at ya, Watcher. Not sure if have been I’d the mood for ice cream if you turned into crispy meat on me.”

•— John —•

“Okay… I suppose it does... But haven’t you redesigned it twice already?” Her fingers in my hair… it was strange… comforting… and a little tingly.

“Just a little charred around the edges.” I gave her a soft, sideways smile. I saw the tear reach up at an awkward angle to wipe it away.

She deserved a long and happy life. She was the best of us.

•— Raven —•

“Uhm… yeah…. I have… maybe more…” My eyes closed now feeling heavy, my body relaxed at his sweet touch, making me smile.

Turning my body towards him I curled up on the couch. Taking his hand and lacing my fingers into it I brought it to my chest.

With a sleep-filled voice, I muttered.

“You aren’t allowed to go anywhere… you are my Watcher… I need you… I need your friendship, John.”

My lips and mouth felt dry. However, I was being engulfed by sleep for the first time in so many days.

•— John —•

She took my hand, normally she only did that when she was trying to keep me from having one of my episodes, or dragging me somewhere to show me something I would have to pretend to understand until she remembered who she was talking to.

I shifted so my shoulder was against the sofa so I could rest my chin on the cushion. I smiled… Was Raven Reyes actually relaxing? I heard a little hoarseness in her voice and having spent far too long next to her hospital bed to not know what that meant I moved, stretching awkwardly to the table her water ration sat on.

“See…” I smirked, squeezing her hand. “I’m not going anywhere.” I held the cup close to her. “Take a drink, Stargazer. You just ate half a block of the tastiest chalk ever.” I didn’t mention ‘before she fell asleep’. The minute she heard that word she would snap back to attention… I wasn’t sure where the sudden tiredness came from… but I was feeling it too. The frantic energy burning too hot to last. But who cared? Raven was here… asking me to stay.

•— Raven —•

“Uhm?” His voice sounded far away, like an echo in the forest on the island. One I whisper back to. “Yes… stay… we still have… more… time…”

Eyes fluttering open I saw the glass at an uneven angle, slowly recognising the fact it was me who was at the wrong angle. I lifted myself onto my elbow. I took the water; sipping it, I wasn’t going to drink it all.

“Chalk? I’m planning on getting some more of it.” I had another package of the sweet treat. However, I was saving it for #Luna.

“Here.” Giving the water back to him. “Drink this and move off the ground. It’s cold and hard down there.”

•— John —•

I squeezed her hand again so she knew I was still there without having to say much. "Tasty chalk." I corrected her and made a show taking a swig of the water too... I didn't exactly want to drink from her ration, but I knew refusing would make her wide awake to tell me off. She looked like she might drift off any second. I had learned the hard way that every moment of sleep was precious when it came to her.

"Okay, I will. Lie back down.." I set the cup down and guided her back down to the couch with my free hand. But I had to free the hand she held to move to sit on the couch. I carefully lifted her legs and slid under them, draping them across my lap then immediately seeking out her hand again like it was my own missing limb. "See, still right here... and all cosy." I whispered and tried to stifle a huge yawn.

•— Raven —•

“Uhm…” smiling a little (or at least I thought I was).

“Cosy.. Uhm… yes…” The space between us had been cold, however, when he moved to join me on the couch I instantly felt comfortable. My limbs relaxed and the muscles which always seemed to hurt tuned out.

“Uhm…” The sound of the music became a distant hum, and…….

•— John —•

I said nothing, just brushed my thumb across the back of her hand. She had been taking my hand a lot lately… it was becoming difficult to stop myself from overthinking that fact. Buy there was no space for that right now… all there was, was Raven and this sudden wave of… I was stunned for a moment. It wasn't exhaustion… it was just… sleepiness. No draining all-consuming need to sleep. No aching terror at the thought of sleep.

Because I wasn't going to sleep. I lay my cheeks against the back of the couch. I rested the hand not clasped in hers on her leg, in case she turned in her sleep and sent the damaged limb sliding off my lap. That would cause a lot of pain without her brace. I watched for a long time, seeing the change in how quickly her chest rose and fell as she drifted off.

She was sleeping… I let my eyes close just to rest them for a moment. That was all… I would make sure that no nightmares would find her tonight.

“I'm right here…” I whispered. “You are safe.”

I was just resting my eyes.

[curseofbreadbear]

[As Cassie described the haunting events of her night, she heard Gregory utter a quiet "no" under his breath; was he shaking...? She'd intended to save all final judgments for when she finished her story, for when he tried to excuse himself, but she immediately felt a surge of regret for her skepticism. This couldn't be the same Gregory who'd remorselessly tried to kill her, could it...?]

[Presumably, he'd be frustrated with her for getting out, and for the possibility that she'd freed the thing in the basement -- he probably would have lectured her or tried to hurt her. She'd be a lot more frightened than she was now. Instead, she felt safe...safer than she would like, given that she desperately wanted to suspect every one of his actions. She just couldn't bring herself to, especially now that he looked genuinely horrified by the story she was telling. Damn it all, she believed him wholeheartedly, even after all she'd just experienced. Was she that gullible, or was her judgment correct? She might never know.]

[Gregory sounded hurt as he asked about whether she believed he would send her tumbling down an elevator shaft; she hated to admit it, but in the moment, she had. Even now, after reuniting with who was undoubtedly the real Gregory, she'd had her suspicions. She didn't anymore, not after how he'd reacted...]

❝ I'm sorry. ❞ [She whimpered; she felt terrible for doubting her best friend, her own family, but after tonight? She didn't know if she could have helped it. His voice had been used against her in every way possible, toying with her mind and making her believe the impossible. In hindsight, there had been so many moments where she should have suspected the voice on her Roxy-talkie, but she trusted Gregory -- what she thought had been Gregory -- beyond any shadow of a doubt. She only wanted to help, and now she felt betrayed and broken. She felt like she'd never recover.]

[Cassie jumped at the sudden shift in tone -- Gregory went from distraught to concerned, insisting that Cassie get to a hospital for her injuries. She "could have died" -- yeah, she was pretty sure that had been the intent. Still...despite the grim reminder, Cassie sniffled and smiled to herself. To her, this proved it; there was no way that this was the Gregory from the elevator. This was her best friend, through and through.]

❝ Um -- y-yeah. I mean, you're probably right. I can stand, and I can walk, it just...hurts. ❞ [That was an understatement; it was honestly surprising that she hadn't broken her legs in the impact. She was sure they had been affected somehow, but she'd pushed through the pain to escape. Maybe it was the adrenaline...she wasn't sure if she'd be able to stand back up again, now that she was on the ground.] ❝ But, hey -- at least you're here now, right? ❞ [Even if she'd been caught off-guard and scared out of her wits before, she appreciated his presence now.]

[Gregory's frantic murmuring finally quieted down to answer Cassie's question, one she would have rescinded if it was possible. He desperately tried to reassure her that it wasn't him; thankfully, she actually believed that now. She wasn't sure if she would have before, and she knew there was a nagging part of her mind that would never drop the idea that she couldn't trust her own cousin, but she'd try to ignore it. To prove it, both to herself and Gregory, she leaned forward and hugged him -- a gesture that she'd been avoiding, even though she needed a hug more than anything right now.]

❝ I believe you. I'm sorry I didn't before. I'm so sorry. ❞ [Cassie hiccuped, feeling tears sting at her eyes again. Come on, don't lose your grip now...] ❝ Please don't go. ❞

I heard you the whole time. Gregory felt sick to his stomach. That thing had tried to salvage the situation, taking up his voice again after he had finally gotten through. All night, he had been frantically trying to reach Cassie, ever since he got her answer - one to a request he had never made. It all made his skin crawl, and in that moment. Gregory felt incredibly violated as he truly processed what the monster had been doing.

His voice wasn't his own anymore. Distrust had been seeded into the only family he cared to associate with. "No..." Distantly, he noted that his hands were shaking.

He had gotten to her to the elevator. Yes, that was right - his frantic attempt to guide her out had led to an exit. The doors closed, and Gregory had been talking to her, trying to explain the footnotes of everything going on. He had told her to make sure she wasn't followed - advice meant in caution. We'll be there soon, he said afterwards, waiting for a response that never came. But Cassie had gotten a completely different message.

You tried to kill me.

"You thought I dropped you down an elevator shaft?" The words came out oddly soft. Despite himself, a bit of hurt touched his tone. Gregory would do many things for his survival - what had happened to the animatronics attested to that. Killing his cousin in cold blood was not one of those.

...Wait. Oh, God. She had fallen down an elevator shaft! Suddenly, the injuries she bore made much more sense. That snapped him out of his pitiful mood quickly. "Fuck, Cassie, you need to get to a hospital! Oh my God, you could have died. Fuck, fuck! Can you even stand? I should have been here sooner, shit..."

His frantic muttering was interrupted by her direct question, and Gregory took a deep breath of his own. Calm down. Calm down. She's freaked out enough already. "It wasn't me. I...I know you probably won't believe me. I can't blame you after tonight. If you never want to talk to me again, I'll...I'll disappear, okay? But I swear on my goddamn life that it wasn't me."

[ophelian-darling]

omg hi, you have such a beautiful blog, i like the aesthetic sm and your writings are gold ! i hope you are having a really nice day. <3

okay so, of course only if you want to do it, what about fugo with the prompts 20, 22 and 60?? i love him sm sorry hHAJDJF.

again have a nice day, and thank you for reading this !! ♡

"I'm nothing without you"

"You're acting ungrateful and keep ruining everything I do for you..."

"Don't ignore me, you know that I don't like this"

TW: Toxic relationship, emotional manipulation, Obsession, light swearing.

enjoy ♡

"I really don't know, mother…he's feeling even worse now and I can't let myself do this to him" 

"You've been with Pannacotta for years honey… years in which you stood by his side, endured his tantrums and showed him nothing but love and support so he could hurt you even more! you deserve so much better than to remain stuck with someone like him"

You stared at the thrown suitcase across your bedroom floor. you were about to defend your boyfriend and repeat those old promises of faithfulness and affection you swore to him, but her words took a shorter time to be processed as true when you thought about it. 

Maybe your affair with Pannacotta wasn't meant to be? you thought that the connection between you was too strong to be broken, only to be proven wrong when you felt your love for him drain like water from the pieces of a shattered vase.

"Do you… think it's right? I don't wanna be the villain here and I-" 

"Why are you so hesitant?" she scolded through the line "This is the hundredth time I tell you that it's totally okay… don't feel bad for this happening darling, he'll understand"

You hoped so. 

"You're caring too much for his feelings that you forgot about your own, you aren't happy anymore with him so why put the blame on yourself?" 

"Stand your ground Sweetheart, don't let him have his way again"

You threw another glance at the suitcase. you've had enough. Pannacotta's ways -whether they are through words or actions- were raising your hackles. It was crystal clear that he had issues and you excused him for them (Starting from the ruthless circumstances he was put through as a child, to when his outbursts made him this way with you) in addition to him promising you to be better for the sake of your relationship. 

Well, six years with him wasn't enough for him to change- in fact, he'll never do.

"Are you going to abandon me?" the unmistakable voice of him, doubtful and faintly wry. 

You didn't reply. The lack of response urged him to continue, taking slow steps towards your sitting form on the bed "Have you had enough of me? Am I a nuisance to you?"

You are. That's the first answer crossing your mind. That's what you're supposed to say now. He is indeed a nuisance and he had to know it, that if your tender side didn't intervene and force you to choose a more gentle excuse. Fuck.

"Don't ignore me, you know that I don't like this" He pleaded, despair masked by an angry octave of voice. During these years with Pannacotta, you've learned and memorized his tones: the anger of frustration wasn't the same as the anger of melancholy. You only had either to endure his mood, or comfort him depending on the situation and protest with no words. 

"I think we're too different to remain together, Panna." you said, clearing every word, not like He needed a clarification of how much you need to get away from him, forever.

His tight expression fell a little, but you carried on nonetheless "I'm afraid that I don't feel for you as much as I used to feel for you before, Pannacotta. it's no use continuing this" 

"Was it your mother who told you to do this?" The look on his eyes nearly cracked your resolve. 

"It's not like that-" 

"You've been waiting for a chance to leave me all alone! I've built so much into being with you only to know that you were ready to forsake me when I'm in such a need for you!" He was practically screaming, raising his hands and waving them around. you're too familiar with this scene.

The atmosphere felt heavy suddenly; your heart clenched at the strange aura around him. not too wrong to assume that something is off and this is not like the previous times you tried to break free from him.

"Panna please calm down! I just want to-" you tried to pacify him, getting closer to his rigid body with caution before being interrupted harshly. 

"You just want what?! to simply throw away all of my love behind you as if it was never a thing in your mind?! I've suffered for you while You're acting ungrateful and keep ruining everything I do for you…" 

Was it so? your heart sank at his words. all of the letters were lost on your tongue, you merely couldn't respond or know how to ease him.

"Can't you see you're hurting me? have I done something so sinful that you were so quick to leave?" Panna seemed to relax a little, His shoulders loosening up hopelessly. 

From red to blue in minutes; your 'boyfriend' (does this term still apply to him? it seems that a change of heart is stirring inside again) had the same pattern of behavior for the very obvious reasons, in addition of holding tight to you and not showing any understanding of what you may feel. 

"Panna…" gently as a breeze was his name slipping off your lips, hands over his, trying to appease him unconsciously. 

He took it too, unconsciously basking in the contentful gesture. you'd never imagined that you would hear the soft confession out of his mouth. 

"You mean everything to me… I have no one else to be with after I lost everything…" 

Memory of his sobs on your lap flashed in a second. the day he made his worst mistake- and it'll a sharp wound in his heart to realize he abandoned his dearest friends, a fate he didn't want to have himself.

"I'm nothing without you… and I've never been a thing until I met you…" 

Silence.

That was enough to convey his message to you; you wouldn't dare to leave your dear Pannacotta a broken mess all to himself to fix, that if he was even able to.

What was even our argument about? thinking now, until it went to the back of your consciousness just like your mother's words. 

[balanceoflightanddark]

I have a bit of a confession to make. An actual confession this time actually.

I...am a Zuko anti.

I know, it seems odd. I only talked about him directly the one time during my Last Agni Kai post and indirectly during my comic posts. So I'm not going directly out of my way to attack him or anything. And I do understand that he is a popular character that has touched countless of people, so I do need to give him credit for that.

The problem I have with Zuko though is...complicated.

I'll admit, I was kind of neutral to him during the show popular. Knew he was gonna be redeemed eventually, would fight Azula eventually and "win", and knew he was going to be the new Fire Lord to bring about an end to the War. I got that. I think all viewers got that. Though I never really built that much of a connection to the character since I related more to some of the others (Aang, Katara, and Azula come to mind), and I was annoyed that he got away with some of the stuff he pulled during Book 1 and some overall problems with his arc that were left unaddressed, but accepted he was in a good position to do better and mend bridges and all that by series end. That I have no problem with.

My issues came around when the comics were released.

To put it simply, Zuko's flaws were jacked up to eleven. His arrogance and hotheadedness that got him into trouble during Book 1 came back. Now, this alone isn't a problem. Not saying one can't backslide into old habits. The problem comes about when the narrative doesn't acknowledge it. He's supposed to be a good guy now. On the right side, yet he's still doing the same villainous things over and over again. And for some reason, the Gaang doesn't call him out on any of it. That alone is an issue.

Then...there's his relationship with Azula.

Remember how I said there was some problems they left unaddressed? Zuko's rivalry with Azula was one of them. I'm convinced that the more he pursues this rivalry, the more toxic and awful of a person he becomes. Especially since Azula was not Zuko's abuser. That would be Ozai, the one who scarred his face after all. And I wasn't entirely convinced that the Last Agni Kai was his redeeming moment where he showed compassion towards Azula at the last shot. Again...was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Then the comics quashed that.

He became an abusive jackass that physically assaults Azula with very little provocation, allows his friends to harass and provoke her into violence, and blames it all on her when she inevitably snaps. And the narrative supports him.

I...have autism. I have what many would consider to be a mental disability. I know what it's like to have a breakdown. To feel like a burden on my family whether underserved or not. And for a long time I was terrified of coming out because there is a stigma towards mental illness.

So when I see pages like this:

...the comics made me despise Zuko for a long ass time. And we're talking years.

Next thing you know I'm convinced that Zuko was doomed to be his father. To be the next Ozai. And I was so convinced, I started seeing only the worst in him. The monster. How every action he took was just proof that he'd never change and he'd be nothing more than a monster worse than his sister. And how fundamentally broken the narrative was for making excuses for him which genuinely affected my enjoyment of the show.

Cause shit like that? ...I saw myself a lot in Azula, and that made me hate Zuko on a very personal level. To the point I seriously considered writing fics where he'd get butchered just out of spite. It was that. Bad.

Comics!Zuko felt like everything I stood against. And soon everything around him became difficult to even look at. Cause how in the Nine Circles of Hell would anyone see this asshole as a beloved hero?

So why am I telling you guys this? Why tell you I once hated Zuko so bad I genuinely wanted to see him dead?

Easy...I don't want to hate him anymore.

Cause it's unfair both to the character and the fans who do like him. That do accept his flaws and want to see him overcome them. I respect those people and all the more power to them.

And as much as I love Azula, I don't want to harp on Zuko anymore. Even if his most diehard fans want me to tear my hair out, I don't want that spilling over to the character himself. Honestly, I think even he'd be disgusted by their attitude. Since tearing Azula down to make himself look good is...well it's the same as tearing him down to make Azula look good.

Again, I still have a grudge against Zuko, but I'm not asking for sympathy. I'm just giving my two cents and throwing it in the ring. Feel free to unfollow me if you want, that's fine. I figured you guys deserved to know going forward.

And I do hope this post is a step in the right direction at least.

[gunsli-01]

Everybody is minimizing their impacts when it comes to their crime by focusing on what affected them the most. That's just how people behave in general. The immediate response to fault tends to be justifying or explaining the things that made you take that course of action. It's a big reason that a lot of people have a that's not a reason it's an excuse/ emotional manipulation tactic mindset now. Even when it comes to a genuine explanation put forth with the understanding something wrong was done it tends to be dismissed cause a person isn't groveling hard enough but perceived as advocating for themselves instead.

Like this could've happened with any prisoner if you look at them in a bad enough light. Instead it's up to Futa to highlight this bias again. So, I'm just gonna go through how the rest are doing the same thing and how that is a very human response to being judged.

Things that could be considered a form of minimization that the prisoners have done since this started.

Yuno highlighting her abortion despite both of her music videos showcasing very clearly that she was trying to get pregnant herself. This is shown from her continually attempting to blow up the balloon in Umblical, crying over a negative pregnancy test result in Tear Drop, lines like "Just the two of us I finally found it" after she grips the full balloon. All this makes it seem like a child is what she was aiming for. If she really wanted the child and it was not a means to an end then why would she even ask the other person what they wanted to do? It shouldn't matter at that point if you already know what you want. If what she wanted was just a kid then their input shouldn't be the deciding factor in this situation. Even if they say nah get rid of it Yuno has the right to say nah i'll just raise them alone bye. If they wanted sex and she only wanted a kid there's no reason this should've ended in abortion, which she herself highlights by going now figure out why I did it then.

Haruka through going I didn't know what else to do, just tell me in a way even someone like me can understand. Leaning heavily on the idea of lacking intelligence, being considered flawed, or even born wrong to downplay the intent behind his actions.

Kotoko quite literally shifted away from the dispropotionate forms of punishment she partakes in on the daily instead choosing to focus more on the one guy who did the worst thing. Despite Harrow showing us she has multiple victims from petty crimes as well.

Kazui by comparing his murder to a broken vase and giving us absolutely nothing but relationship drama. Yes, sir I love you but what the hell was that meant to tell anyone. Good liar my ass I'm starting to doubt he even knows what he did. Dude probably thinks his entire life was a mistake.

Mahiru through focusing on ideas of love and how much she truly did love her victim while also giving us nothing cause we don't even see how she committed the crime.

Shidou wanted to be voted guilty but still hid behind the idea of ethics being a delusion and the medical system being inherently flawed with a plethora of biases that ultimately made his job more difficult and emotionally corrosive.

Amane through making the main focus of Magic her indoctrination into a cult, highlighting how she didn't always used to be this way, but was forced to conform and behave in this manner through punishment. Not even really showing her murder at all. While putting front and center all the bad things she went through and how she's doing this to be a good girl now so she never has to go through that again.

Mikoto literally doesn't know what he did but the other guy is just like yeah I did that shit never speak to me about it again. The other guy and Mu share very similar reasons for why they ended up killing. They both state albeit in far different ways that they did what they had to to protect themselves. From statements like was i just supposed to keep getting hurt from Mu and the others I'll do anything to protect myself. Both of which could be minimizing their responses in comparison to the threat to themselves they perceived.

Point is if you take any of their words, music videos, and actions to the most negative extreme they all look bad. Even the most tame explaination would seem like a manipulation tactic. If you're not willing to engage with a persons thoughts on their own life with some level of good faith that's your prerogative. Just keep hollering from safety never meeting eyes with the person you're passing judgement on.

I don't believe anyone is above that feeling of I'm genuinely sorry but this person won't believe me because what i did really impacted them. There's nothing I can say to ever fix this. I doubt there is a person alive who hasn't had or felt as if statements like "You don't look sorry", "That's just an excuse", "Would you have even apologized if you weren't caught" were being pointed at them.

Yet, the genuine lack of empathy I've seen displayed is starting to make me think a lot of folks truly believe they're above making that sort of mistake. Though word of advice from what I've seen a lot of people stop saying it's karma dude as soon as the bill comes around to their table or in this case their prisoner.